10th may 2011. I was woken up early in the morning.

Washed and polished ; my tires painted with some sticky stinking black viscose fluid. The plastics were given a coat of silicone. Every possible opening was forced open and every hole was poked into, with items varying from oil gauges to computer ports. Some felt good, some felt awful. But who cares. At the end of all the rubbing, poking and dripping fluids, they shut me up, wiped me clean and there I was, near the front door of my home, waiting to be delivered to my owner. Your Nissan Tida sir, Congratulations. The voice was familiar. Ehsan Abbasi. He had General Manager written on his door. Does everyone have their role in this world, written on their doors? Will my door say car?. I was to find out soon. My owner, was a fat, rounded man, with a nice shiny bald head. Every part of his looked round. Hed need all that extra interior space inside me. He looked as elated as a puffy kid whod been offered a new toy. He drove me like a perfect gentleman. He had the perfect family, with a nice round wife and 2 round children. He

never tested my limits, laid me in forbidden zones, twisted my shock absorbers or pressed my rear against the iron fenders at the parking. Not that he shouldve done all these. Just my cravings, that I were to realize later on. Initially I enjoyed the perfectly rounded life of my owner. But then boredom sneaked in. 28th August 2011 My round owner and his family are leaving to India, on vacation. The owners brother in law will be having me for a month. Another round guy again. But this guy has thick hair on his head, face and body. I thought he resembled a bear. Believe me he had no idea on how to drive me. He waited until his friends arrived at the airport. One crazy guy, one short guy and a big guy. The crazy guy smelled of alcohol all the time. The small guy was a pathan and he smelled like a pathan. The big guy smelled I like I dont know what, and slept all the time while he was inside me. As expected the short pathan went straight for my back side, opened my boot and filled it with whatever he had.

The crazy guy, armed with a GPS on an iphone, took up the role of a navigator. To get out of the parking lot, the hairy guy took me front, then back , front again and my back touched the iron fender for the first time. He started gyrating me in all possible ways. Shocked and excited, I knew this would be interesting. 11th September 2011 I had been living life in the wildest of ways. The hairy guy has done the craziest of things to me. The list would be too long to mention here. And I must thank the crazy guy for all the acrobatics. Hes one hell of a navigator always urging the hairy guy to push me to my limits. Then theres an anemic guy who usually rides me with them. They say he had fathered 3 kids. Could that be the reason behind his being anemic? Little pathan was missing. The 3 guys took me for a ride and watched a Fucked up movie called Conan or something. The crazy guy wanted his drinks as usual. The hairy guy laid me in a forbidden zone and a uniformed man stuck a bill on my windshield, under the wiper.

The crazy guy smelled alcohol when they returned. Ive got used to the smell by now. The bill on my wind shield brought tears in their eyes. They stopped next at the mcdonnalds and bought nuggets. The crazy guy kept chewing all the time. The anemic guy was fast asleep in my back seat. We were cruising at 140kmph. The crazy guy was asleep too by now. We were just 20 km away from home. The hairy guy wanted to reach his mattress as soon as possible. He was dozing off. His heavy foot went heavy on my accelerator. I cruised to 180kmph.

It was an ecstasy. The cold desert winds almost breaking my windshield. My rubber almost burning the asphalt. My pistons almost breaking my cylinders. It was a sensation, so overpowering. It was the time of climax and the hairy guys hairy eyelids went shut for a fraction of a second. The steering wheel steered me left. I headed straight to the divider. The hairy eyelids opened just in time to steer me in the opposite direction, with all the brute force of that hairy body. I was in 2 wheels for a while. Then it was no wheels at all. Momentum hurled me up in the air. Above the date palms. Straight above the desert sands. This was the moment of a lifetime. I was flying above trees and sand, and into the vast expanses of the desert. I could not count how many revolutions I made in free space. Then the final touch down . my front right side hit the sands first. I kept rolling and rolling to eternity. Almost a good 300m away from the road, I came to a halt, in an awkward position.

I was resting on my right door. In the mean time, inside me, the crazy guys head hit the wind shield and he went blank and he lay hanging sideways by his seat belt. The anemic guy fell from the seat on to the floor, and was luckily small enough to fit perfectly in there for the whole areal journey. The hairy guy saw the whole thing with wide open eyes, clinging on to the steering wheel and the seat belt. There we lay, on desert sand exhausted and battered. The guys were taken away in ambulances. I was picked up by a crane.

My speedometer read 180 The anemic guys watch read 1:10 Both never worked again.