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Nobody in the World Can Raise Your Child Better Than You.

Because you are the one that loves her/him the most. You may have made mistakes in child rearing. An expert may not have made the mistakes you made in rearing your child. But could an expert have loved your child as much as you? Of course not. You may, as parents, have made some mistakes in the past. But you also did many things just right. Parents usually make a number of mistakes you can count, but they also do numerous things far too many to count. The important thing is not having made mistakes in the past, but to not repeat the same mistakes in the future. The important thing is to improve.
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Acknowledgements
The Mother Support Program aims to contribute to the multi-faceted development of the preschool child by supporting the mother, and assumed its final format through research studies, field surveys, and ongoing program implementations since 1982. We are indebted to our advisor Prof. Dr. Sevda Bekman who made significant contributions to the book you are holding in your hand and who encouraged us to actively undertake efforts in the field of Early Childhood Education; to Ik Umur Ksebay, Attorney at Law, and Prof. Dr. Anahit Cokun who have endorsed our work for years and shared with us their valuable knowledge; to you, our esteemed Group Leaders who believed in the importance of, participated in and contributed to our Early Childhood Education Programs; and last but not least, the mothers and children who are the sole reason this program exists...

The Early Childhood Education Unit

stanbul, 2003

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

To Group Leaders

Dear Group Leaders... The Mother Support Program Manual was prepared to be used in group meetings to be held with mothers that have children between the ages of 3 and 9. In the preparation of the Manual, our objective was to openly discuss each topic and thus make it easy for the group leaders to use it. Group Leaders must pay attention to the below points to be able to maximize the benefits to be gained from this Manual: At the beginning of each topic, you will find the recommended time necessary to implement the module, handouts to be distributed if any materials are to be used, and an objectives section. These sections are not meant to be conveyed to the mothers, but to guide the group leaders. The objectives stated at the beginning of each module must be attained by the end of each group discussion. In other words, Group Leaders will have facilitated a good group discussion to the extent they attain these objectives. Within each topic, instructions are given in brackets. Because they are provided as guidelines to the group leaders, each and every one must be read carefully. At the end of each module there is a section on the planning and sharing of the topic discussed that week. There are two main objectives for the preparation of this section. Firstly, to help the mothers remind briefly about the important parts of the topic discussed that week; and secondly, to direct them to use the acquired knowledge in their lives. It is therefore crucial that mothers express in detail what they will do at home. To be able to follow up on the results of these discussions a week later, it is a good idea to take brief notes at the end of the meeting on what the mothers said. The observation and sharing sections at the beginning of the modules aim to capture whether or not what was discussed in the group was applied at home and if so, what the outcomes were. Mothers who apply the information or methods they learned at home share the results they obtained with the group via the observation and sharing forms. At the end of each topic, the Take-home Worksheet handout is distributed. It is important that group leaders ask about the results mothers obtained at home based on notes taken during the previous week in order to show that they have not forgotten and are following up on what was said. Group leaderssupport of mothers that claim to have achieved favorable outcomes will encourage other mothers to use these methods or information in their own homes. In addition, mothers will also be briefly reminded of the topic discussed the previous week. The handouts of some modules include an activities to do with your children section. These are activities on the topic discussed that week that mothers can do with their children. These should be presented to the mothers as a suggestion. At the end of each module is the blackboard outline of that topic. The outline includes main headings that cover the important points of the discussed topic. The outline offered here is only a suggestion. In other words, all group leaders can use the outline a little differently. However, the main headings provided must be used. More headings can be added, but removing them is not recommended.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

To Group Leaders

Some of the modules include dialogues for group leaders to use as example. To facilitate the use of the dialogues, in cases where they should be used with the volunteer mothers, it is recommended to photocopy the relevant pages and to distribute them to the ones who will read them. Methods During program implementation, the below education techniques are used in the facilitation of the learning process: Case Studies: Real life examples shared with the group for analysis and discussion,

Role Play: Participants learn about the discussion topic by living through / feeling different experiences,

Small Group Discussions: Participants divide into groups of 4 or 5 according to the instructions of the group leader and share their thoughts and experiences on the topic or find solutions to various problems,

Brain Storming: The aim here is to prepare an environment where mothers can express whatever comes across their minds, with no limitations. It is recommended that the group leaders listed to what the mothers say or take notes, without making any judgments,

Game: Games are used to enable mothers to learn given methods by actively doing or experiencing them, and create rapport among group members,

Presentations: Group leaders convey information, theories and principles on a given topic to the whole group,

Question and Answer: Asking questions to the mothers allows group work to be conducted as a meeting rather than a teaching or a conference format. The discussion topic may be enriched by asking additional questions wherever necessary in addition to the questions asked in the book.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

To Group Leaders

Recommendations...
It will be easier to create an active learning environment when the below conditions are established; Arrive at the meetings at least half an hour before the scheduled time and complete your preparations, greet the group members, and start the meeting at the prescribed time. Organize the materials you will need during group work and keep them some place where you can easily reach them; adhere to the allotted durations for each section. Provide a comfortable and safe environment during the meeting; attract the attention and interest of the group members. Have eye contact with the group members as you speak. Try not to focus on any particular group member. Move around the room without distracting the group members. Avoid addressing the group from a place you are not easily seen. Make sure you do not lose your contact to the group while writing on the board. Encourage all group members to speak and provide support. Repeat what is said in your own words. This way you will be able to make sure that you understood what was said correctly, and also reinforce the information being discussed. Make sure the discussion runs correctly and in the direction you want it to. Follow closely any disagreements. Make sure that incorrect information does not take hold among the group members. Strengthen information and ideas by sharing your own personal experiences. Assist the participants in leaving the meeting with favorable thoughts about what they just learned.

We hope all your group meetings are enjoyable and a great success...

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

GREETING SESSION

DURATION: 30 minutes OBJECTIVE: To introduce the Mother Support Program and establish group rules. MATERIALS: 1 roll of toilet paper

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Greeting Session

GREETING SESSION
Welcome everyone! My name is (introduce yourself.) I work as a trainer with the Mother Child Education Foundation so that I can hold these meetings with you. From this week onward, we will be together as a group for weeks. Each week we will hold discussions that will last about two-and-a-half hours. Before we begin our discussion, let us start off with a game. (Give the mothers the roll of toilet paper and ask everyone to take as much of it as they like, once everyone is finished ask the mothers to count the number of sheets of toilet paper they took, after everyone is gone counting, ask them to tell the group as many characteristics about themselves as the number of sheets they took and introduce themselves to the group. Try to get all the mothers to get to know one another as much as possible.) We will have plenty of time to get to know one another better, but now, before we begin our discussion, let me briefly talk about the Mother Child Education Foundation, then we can discuss what we will be doing during the Mother Support Program and our weekly meetings. The Mother Child Education Foundation has been active since 1993. It aims to empower people that have restricted access to services, through education. Another objective is to support the adults in childrens immediate environment to enable them to fulfill their highest potential. To these ends, the Foundation develops a variety of programs and implements them across Turkey in collaboration with various individuals and institutions. One of these programs is the one that brought us together, the Mother Support Program. The Mother Support Program lasts weeks, with two-and-a-half hour meetings held once a week. During these weeks we will talk about a variety of issues, including the importance and role of mothers in their childrens development; childrens developmental areas; methods we have been using up to now in child-rearing; how these methods impact children and what they can be replaced with so that we can promote their growth and development; how to communicate with children; how can we reduce conflicts to a minimum; how can we help them acquire good study habits, etc. Here we would like you to share with us your experiences with your children and the things you to support their development. We will talk about your ideas, your feelings, instances where you feel helpless. In addition to the problems you may at times experience, I am sure there are times you feel powerful and influential. If you share these experiences with the group, the other mothers can also benefit from the methods you use. I will not be the only person talking during our discussions. I will share with you information on child development that I think you may benefit from in your daily lives, but the fact is we will be learning a lot from one another. What do you think you might do to ensure our program runs smoothly? (Listen to the answers.) Attendance is crucial to succeed in implementing everything we will talk about. All the topics we will talk about each week are closely related to one another. If you miss a meeting, this could decrease the productivity of our group work.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Greeting Session

Starting and ending on time is also very important. We all make plans, if we know and adhere to the time we begin and end our meetings, we will be able to efficiently plan the rest of our day. As I just said, I will not be the only one talking during our meetings, it is necessary that you share your experiences to ensure the productivity of our group work. You will not need to take notes during our meetings; during or after our discussions I will distribute handouts that contain the information we have been discussing. We expect you to share the information in these handouts with especially your husbands and other people in your home. This will enable you and your husband to be consistent in how you treat your children. Feel free to share the information we discuss in our meetings with people around you, however, we will sometimes talk about ourselves and our families, we will share personal experiences. These things we will never discuss with anyone outside our group. As I said earlier, our meetings will last two-and-a-half hours. We will not take any breaks during this time. We will also all need to turn off our cell phones during this time to ensure group productivity does not suffer. If there is an emergency and you are expecting a very important phone call, you need to tell this to the group before the meeting begins. Is there anything you would like to add? (Listen to the answers, if anyone suggests other rules ask the group, and if all group members accept the rule; if they do, add it to the group rules.) Now that we have established our group rules, if none of you have anything to say, we can begin with our discussion topic for today

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

CONTENTS
Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting 1 2 3 4 5 6 CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN CHILDRENS COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT CHILDRENS SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT CHILDRENS EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY AND ITS CONTRIBUTION TO DEVELOPMENT NEGATIVE METHODS IN DISCIPLINING CHILDREN FACTORS THAT DETERMIME WHETHER WE ACCEPT BEHAVIORS OR NOT ACTIVE LISTENING I-LANGUAGE POSITIVE METHODS OF CHID-REARING (I) POSITIVE METHODS OF CHID-REARING (II) CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHODS APPLYING THE LEARNED METHODS IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE TOILET TRAINING SEXUAL EDUCATION A HEALTHY / WELL-BALANCED DIET HEALTH AND HEALTHCARE ACCIDENT PREVENTION PROBLEM BEHAVIORS STUDY HABITS SCHOOL-PARENT COLLABORATION FOR SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN WOMAN (1) HOW WOMEN CAN USE THEIR TIME EFFECTIVELY WOMAN (2) WOMAN WITHIN THE FAMILY WOMAN (3) REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH AND FAMILY PLANNING

Meeting 7 Meeting 8 Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting Meeting 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Meeting 23 Meeting 24 Meeting 25

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY

DURATION: 2 Hours (15 minutes discussion) OBJECTIVES: Enable mothers to discover the things they can do to support the development of their preschool- or school-aged children, Ensure mothers realize the things they can do, taking into consideration the basic characteristics of development, Ensure mothers begin to prepare an environment supportive of their childrens development, Get mothers to realize that other environments children are located in (family, school, and the social order) have an impact on their development. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CHILDRENS DEVELOPMENT AND THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY HANDOUT 2: TAKE-HOME WORKSHEET Materials: A pebble
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CHILDRENS DEVELOPMENT AND THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY


We all met a little while earlier. You stated your expectations from these meetings. As you said, you came to this meeting to help your children, support your childs development in the best way possible, actively communicate with your child and get to know yourselves as mothers. I would like everyone to look at our group. All of you share certain characteristics. What do you think they are? What are your similarities? (Listen to mothers responses.) Your children are between 3 and 9 years of age. Children between 3 and 6 years of age are preschool children, and those between 7 and 9 years of age are school-aged children. You are in your childrens immediate environment. In other words you are the person closest to them, their mother. Some of you are grandmothers, sisters. They are also with us because they are also caregivers in the home, which is the immediate environment of the child. These similarities also constitute two important target groups of this program: Families, and children between 3 and 9 years of age. Now let us look at why the early childhood period is important. IMPORTANCE OF THE EARLY CHILDHOOD PERIOD In child development, some periods are of great importance. Childrens needs are different during these periods. One of these periods is the early childhood period. What ages are we referring to when we say the Early Childhood Period? (Ask the mothers.) The early childhood period covers the ages from 0 to 6 (Write the underlined section on the board). And we call the ages from 7 to 11, the school period. Since your children are between 3 and 9 years of age, we will focus on these ages in our discussions. Why is the Early Childhood Period so important in childrens development? The early childhood period play a very important role in childrens development. 1. This is the period growth and development is most rapid (Write the underlined section on the board). Change occurs very fast in children during this time. Compared to other ages, development takes place at a much faster rate during this period. For instance, studies conducted in this field show that more than halfa very large portionof our intellect (the brain) develops during the early ages (up until age 1). Brain cells develop rapidly, and as some develop, others die. With the learning opportunities presented by the environment, some of these cells are renewed. If we cannot provide the necessary conditions for children to develop well, we will not have been able to make good use of a very important opportunity. Children that have not been able to develop fully, that were not supported during this period can close this gap in later life only with great difficulty. 2. The early childhood period is also the time when children are influenced the most by their interaction with their environment (Write the underlined section on the board). The family environment plays a crucial role in childrens development. Now let us see how children develop, and how we can support their development.
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How do children develop? What kinds of changes occur? Development is process of change whereby children learn to move, think, feel, establish relationships with others; it is a period of advancement. If we know how children develop at various ages, our expectations will then be in line with our childrens age and skills/capacity. For instance, we cannot expect 3-year-olds to line up their pencils from the largest to the smallest, tie their shoelaces, fold their pajamas properly, or feed their younger sibling or share their toys. The reason for this is that children that age are not physically, mentally or socially ready to do these things. We can give more examples; for instance we cannot expect a 7-year-old to baby-sit their 1-year-old sibling all by themselves. This is why the family (parents) must know their children well and make correct observations during both the early childhood period, and when their children are school-aged in order to contribute to childrens development and growth. In order for families to assess their observations, they must know what the development process is, as well as be aware of what their children can and cannot do according to their age group (development period). Now let us talk about how children develop. The Basic Characteristics of Child Development Human development consists of 5 basic characteristics. These characteristics need to be taken into consideration in our efforts to support the development of the child. These characteristics will show us in which areas and during which periods we need to support our childrens development more. We will thus be able to base our expectations about what our children can do on their age, skills, and needs. When do you think children begin to develop, when does this development end? (Ask the mothers). 1. Development is continuous. It begins in the womb and continues throughout life. People develop not only in childhood, but throughout life. In other words, development is continuous; what we did not know yesterday we may learn today; what we do not know today we may learn tomorrow. For instance, I may not have learned how to ride a bicycle as a child but I can try and slowly learn, or I could go to a sewing course and learn a skill I do not know. Are there any skills you learned later in life? (Listen to the responses of the mothers.) Yes, we can learn how to read by going to literacy courses, you can weave carpets or paint after attending an arts and crafts course. People continue to develop throughout life as they acquire new skills. Children are always learning something new. As you also said, no matter how old you are you can gain new skills when you want improve yourself. Nonetheless, it is a fact that development during certain periods, especially during pregnancy and early childhood, influence development during other periods. If a mother is careful about her health and nutrition during her pregnancy, and supports her childs development during the early childhood period, that child will exhibit indicators of healthy development when it is a school-aged child, during adolescence, and even in adulthood. For instance, a child that was raised on mothers milk during the first 6 months of life will end up with a healthy body as an adult, more resistant to illnesses. During such periods, creating environments that support childrens development must be made a priority.
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Children talk, teethe, crawl, walk, learn to share, learn to read and write. Do all children teethe at the same time? Do they crawl, walk, talk, learn to share, and learn to read and write at the same time? (Listen to the mothers responses.) All children that are developing normally teethe; but each child teethes at different months of age. All children walk when they are developmentally ready, but each child acquires this skill at a different time of their life. 2. Although childrens development may be similar, no two children develop identically. Just as we as adults exhibit many differences, children also differ from one another. Some of us are tall, some are short. Some of us have a great singing voice; some of us are talented with our hands. Some of us make friends very easily. Just as we are all different, so are our children. These differences can also be observed among same-aged children of different gender. For instance, during early childhood and in the area of physical development, girls may use their hands more skillfully whereas boys can be better at running, or playing with a ball. The differences are observable. This is why comparing children to one another is meaningless. It only serves to upset us and our children. The important thing is for children to develop in time, and in time, do given tasks better. You can follow your childrens development by paying attention to the advances they are making in their own development. What kinds of changes do we see as our children grow and develop? (Listen to the examples the mothers provide.) 3. Childrens development occurs not with the development of a single area, but with the simultaneous development of a number of areas. When we say child development, it is understood that we mean physical, cognitive, social, and emotional development altogether. For children to develop physically it is not enough that they grow taller and gain weight. Development of their arm-, leg- and hand movements is also important. For instance, as childrens legs develop they can run faster and with agility, climb up high; as their hands develop they can tie their shoelaces, cut paper with a pair of scissors easily, fasten buttons, and during school hold a pencil properly and write neatly. When we say child development, we also mean cognitive, social, and emotional development. Cognitive development means the development of myriad skills exhibited by use of mental faculties. For instance perceiving events by using the sensory organs; using new words and concepts when talking, remembering, or coming up with solutions when encountered with a variety of problems. When children learn the word bird for instance, they will start discovering the characteristics of this animal, they will begin to differentiate between similar and different animals. When they go to school, being able to answer questions about a story they read in class, coming up with solutions to problems they encounter in school. These skills will show that the child is making advances in cognitive development.
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Social development in children is evidenced when children make friends, continue these friendships, acquire responsibility for their actions, learn to behave correctly even when alone, and when they begin to adhere to rules in their environment. For instance, when children get along with their friends without fighting, treat their friends with respect, and consistently display correct behavior, we can infer that the socialization process is underway. Emotional development in children refers to their ability to be aware of their feelings and the feelings of others, verbally express these emotions correctly, and be able to put themselves in other peoples shoes. For instance, children expressing anger not through aggression but with words, or becoming aware that if they hit someone that person can feel pain, are indicators of emotional development. We will discuss all of these developmental areas in detail in the upcoming meetings. 4. Developmental areas (physical, cognitive, social, and emotional) begin to progress simultaneously and influence one another. While children are growing taller, they also learn new words; while they are trying to walk, they also make friends. Moreover, any deficiencies in one of the developmental areas have an effect on other developmental areas. For instance: Children whose hand skills have physically not developed sufficiently will not be able to use their hands well, and as a result will not be able to accomplish many tasks (they will not be able to eat by themselves and spill their food, they may not be able to fasten their buttons and end up having to ask for help, they may not be able to hold a pencil well and thus their handwriting will be faulty). Such situations will prevent the development of self-confidence in children. This could, in the long run, cause such children to become shy in their relationships with friends, or develop an introverted personality. In short, a deficiency in the area of physical development will have an effect on childrens social development. Similarly, children that are shy, that cannot easily make friends may not be able to join in games with their friends in the schoolyard during recess, and thus not develop any related skills. In other words, a deficiency in the area of social development will have an effect on the development of the arms and legs, which are a part of physical development. In conclusion, developmental areas (physical, cognitive, social, and emotional) begin to progress simultaneously and influence one another. We must pay attention not only to whether or not our children are gaining in height and weight, but also to their cognitive, social, and emotional development. We must aim to support all these areas simultaneously. We will discuss in detail the things we can do to this end as the different topics come up. When we speak of development are we speaking of a process that happens completely by itself? (Listen to the mothers responses.) 5. Children develop as a result of interacting with their environment. Children begin interacting with their environment the moment they are born; they can hear, feel, see, and taste things. So although we may not be aware of it, children are affected by events that occur in their environment. The people in childrens close environment (family, relatives, teacher), the way these people behave, objects and events in this environment all have myriad effects on childrens development. For instance, children who always have the opportunity to cut things with a pair of scissors hold and use a
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pencil differently. Children who always speak with their mother and teacher, who receive correct answers to their questions have a more extensive vocabulary and can better understand what is happening around them. In conclusion, childrens interaction with their environment is important. The sufficiency or insufficiency of this interaction causes development to progress or regress.

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE FAMILY


We just said the people in childrens immediate environment have an impact on their development. In your opinion, why are parents crucially important? (Ask the mothers.) During the development process, the immediate environment of children is crucially important. Mothers and fathers are key people in this immediate environment. Children are generally with their mothers. However, fathers are also as important as mothers in the development of their children. Studies in this area reveal that fathers play an important role in the cognitive, emotional, personality, and gender identity development of their children. That is, as long as we give fathers the opportunity to contribute to their childrens development. Since fathers work outside the home to generate an income, the time they can spend with their children is limited. Therefore in the father-child relationship it is not the length of time spent together that is important, but what is shared during that limited time. This is also true for working mothers. For children to develop physically, cognitively, socially, and emotionallyin short, to develop fullywe need to provide an environment that supports the child. What is meant by an environment that supports the child? (Listen to the mothers responses.) An environment that supports the child is an environment that is conducive to the development of that child. An environment that supports the child is an environment that allows children to develop their skills and talents to their full potential. In our discussions we will address the home and the school environments as environments that support the child. Children are born with certain traits received from their parents and their family, but whether or not they develop these traits depends on their close environment. In other words, children are born with a framework where the upper and lower limits of the traits they have by birth are already determined. Filling in this framework with a variety of skills depends on what you will choose to do. Think about an empty glass, the amount of water this glass can hold is definite. Filling in this glass to the rim, or leaving it half empty is up to us. People in childrens close environment, in other words their parents can create an environment that supports their child through the experiences they provide (for instance getting dressed alone, the quality and variety of toys provided, reading books, and letting their child have a say in decision-making); the quality and frequency of their communication, the learning opportunities they provide (taking children to the zoo, getting them to use scissors and colored pencils, taking them to the post office, to art exhibitions, to the theater), and by acting as role models. When this occurs, children will have the opportunity to reach the highest level of the framework they were born with; otherwise, children will not be able to fully reach that level.

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THE ENVIRONMENT

THE CHILD

As is also shown here, it is not only the environment that influences the child; the child also influences the environment. For instance, the support a more active child will obtain from his or her immediate environment will differ from that obtained by a less active child. Similarly, parents (immediate environment) reactions to children that can easily establish social relationships with their environment will differ from reactions to children that find it more difficult to form social ties. In other words, childrens traits/temperament will influence the actions of their parents (the environment). Meanwhile, as children get older, their needs change. To respond to these needs, children themselves must also change. For instance, rules about bedtime or what time to come home can be different when the child is 7-years-old and 9-years-old. The reason for this is that the child is growing up. What can you do to provide an environment that supports the child? (Listen to the mothers responses.) We need to be sensitive to childrens care and learning needs, and provide ageappropriate responses to them. We must teach them different information and skills so as to meet their learning needs. For instance, we can teach them to ride a bicycle, use a pair of scissors (physical development), set the table, grow flowers, and the concepts they do not know (cognitive development). We must ensure that school-aged children participate in social activities in school, do sports, and have hobbies. We must create a variety of learning environments for children. For instance, we must take our children to the zoo, the post office, the library, the movies and the theater, art exhibitions, sports activities, and skill-development courses (social and cognitive development). We need to give children opportunities to play. We must provide them the opportunity to initiate and continue with the game of their choice, while also learning something new (physical-social-emotional and cognitive development). We need to make it possible for children to develop their hand skills. We must, for instance, allow them to play with dough, cut up different things with scissors, fasten buttons, unzip zippers, and tie their shoelaces (physical development). As a result, because their hand skills were supported, as they grow older children will become more self-sufficient in nutrition and care, for which they were dependent on their mothers as babies. We must also spend effort to ensure that skills acquired at school are not forgotten. Children will need to be encouraged to take part in sports and art activities where they can use their hands. For these things to make a positive contribution to childrens development, it is vital for the home environment to be safe, consistent, and capable of systematically meeting your childrens needs. In addition to the family, other environments also have either direct or indirect effects of childrens development. What might they be? The school, the workplace of the mother or the father, the residential area, laws, etc. (Draw the below figure on the board.) For example if the school cannot provide adequate, high-quality education; if there are not enough teachers; if the reading materials are incomplete, children will not be able to receive a well-rounded education. As a result, their development will have been hindered. In addition to the home and school environments that have a direct impact, children are also indirectly affected by the environments their families are in. For instance if the conditions at the fathers workplace are unsatisfactory and if he comes home unhappy, this will affect the child. If the mother works outside the home and the
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workplace does not have a crche or a preschool education center, if the mother works long hours, this too will have a negative effect on the child. In conclusion, childrens lives are affected by the conditions of their parents workplaces. And the conditions in those environments are affected by laws, rules, and values. Laws Relatives

l Or der

Soc

ieta

The Father The school THE FAMILY The Mother

THE CHILD

Playground Values

Social Security System

We have seen that childrens development is impacted by the conditions in various environments. In cases like these, the support and assistance the family receives from close relatives and friends is extremely important. For instance, did anyone leave their children with their neighbors or relatives on their way over here? (Ask the mothers and listen to their answers.) How did you benefit from the support your relative/neighbor provided? You were able to come here with no worries. So, it seems we all need people in our close circle who can share with us their knowledge, guide us, listen to us when we need to unburden our troubles, encourage us in the things we desire to do, and help us find ways to resolve our problems. Are there people you can ask for support from when you need it? On which issues do you need assistance? (Listen to the mothers responses.) THE IMPORTANCE OF SCHOOL Now let us talk about how children are affected by the school environment. In the school environment, teachers play a significant role in childrens lives. How does the school environment support childrens development? What do children learn? (Listen to the mothers' responses.) Children learn the rules of the school, of society. Childrens socialization process begins. Children learn new information and skills, and their cognitive development is supported. Another very important point is for childrens home and school environments to mutually support one another. Childrens development is affected by both environments. Childrens development is supported by families at home, and by teachers at school. This is why cooperation between the school and the family is vital. Why is cooperation between the school and the family vital? (Listen to the mothers' responses.) If what is learned at school is reinforced at home, childrens development will be supported even more.
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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Similarities between what is taught at home and what is taught at school give children a sense of security. When the family is interested in what children learn at school, a better, close relationship is established. Children exhibit higher scholastic success when their parents attend parent-teacher meetings regularly. Parent-teacher meetings also bring the school and families closer together, and allow the teacher and the parents to support the childs development jointly. This week we talked about child development, and the ways the family and home environments of children contribute to their development. Plan and discussion: (Distribute Handout 1 and the Take-Home Worksheet to the mothers. Explain how they are to fill out this worksheet. Tell them you will be collecting back the Take-Home Worksheet every week.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble/stone in the middle.) This week we spoke about childrens development and the roles of the families and the school in supporting childrens development. Do you have any thought as to what you might do this week at home to support your childs development? How will you do this? Are there any volunteers that would like to start? Whoever volunteers takes this pebble and shares her ideas with us, when she is done, she opens her hand and whoever else wants to speak takes the pebble from her hand and continues with the discussion. This way everyone can share their ideas with us all. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, speak about what they learned and make concrete statements about the things they plan on doing; when everybody is done, you pick up the pebble and express your happiness at how everyone shared their thought and feelings.) If you write down in detail the things you are planning on doing in the take-home worksheet I distributed, it will make it easier for you next week to share with us what happened. (Tell the mothers what next weeks topic is.)

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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
CHILDRENS DEVELOPMENT AND THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY The early childhood period is very important between the ages of 0 to 6 Because, Development is very rapid. Children are influenced by the environment, especially the family. The basic characteristics of development: 1. Development is continuous. 2. Although childrens development may be similar, no two children develop identically. 3. Child development occurs with progress in many different areas. 4. Developmental areas (physical, cognitive, social, and emotional) begin to progress simultaneously and influence one another. 5. Children develop as a result of interacting with their environment. THE ENVIRONMENT Laws Relatives THE CHILD

der l Or

Soc

ieta

The Father The school THE FAMILY The Mother

THE CHILD

Playground Values

Social Security System

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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

HANDOUT 1: CHILDRENS DEVELOPMENT AND THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY Dear Parents, Why are the early years important in childrens development? Children develop and grow very rapidly, and a large part of development is completed during these years. Children are very much influenced from the environments (home and school) they are in.

WHAT CAN WE DO? Prepare a safe and consistent environment. Show affection and intimacy. Meet their care and educational needs.

HOW CAN WE DO IT? Teach your children different information and skills. For instance teach them how to ride a bicycle, set a table, grow a flower, use a pair of scissors, and concepts they do not know. Create a variety of learning environments for your children. For instance, take them to the zoo, the post office, the library, the movies and the theater, and art exhibitions. Give them opportunities to play. Give them an opportunity to initiate and continue with any game they like, and in the meantime learn something new in the process. Make it possible for them to develop their hand skills. For instance, allow them to play with dough, cut up different things with scissors, fasten buttons, unzip zippers, and tie their shoelaces.

BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE LETS SUPPORT OUR CHILDRENS DEVELOPMENT

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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

TAKE-HOME WORKSHEET THIS WEEK (Write down week number) THE THINGS MY CHILD DID (Write down 3 things they did this week. Mark the happy face for the behaviors you find desirable in your children, and the angry face for the behaviors you find undesirable. 1st thing my child did ..

2nd thing my child did ..

3rd thing my child did ..

THE THINGS I DID TO MY CHILD: (Write down how you responded to these 3 behaviors your child engaged in. Mark the happy face for your responses to your children that you found positive, and the angry face for the responses that were negative.) What I did in response to the 1st behavior of my child:.

What I did in response to the 2nd behavior of my child:.

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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN

DURATION: 2 Hours (Discussion session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Enable mothers to notice the difference between the development of gross motor and fine motor (physical) skills, Enable mothers to notice differences in physical development that occur during early childhood and schooling age, Get mothers to express the things they can do to support the physical development of their children, Get mothers to take into consideration the age and capacity of their children while supporting their physical development. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN HANDOUT 2: TAKE-HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Physical Development Of Children

PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN


Observation and sharing: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take-home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find solutions to? Which were you not able to find solutions to? What had you said you would do; were you able to actually do so; and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take-home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) This week we will discuss bodily/physical development, which is one of the 4 developmental areas and the most easily observable one. What is a healthy child? (Ask the mothers.) A child that has a well-balanced diet is physically healthy and is emotionally healthy (cheerful, happy, peaceful). It is not only good nutrition and health that makes a child a healthy child. Children also have cognitive, emotional, social, and physical needs. It is important that these needs are met. One of these needs is physical development. What do we understand from physical development? What kinds of changes do you observe in your children? (Get the mothers to discuss this point.) Weight Development We notice and realize that children are developing of Movements physically by the fact that they grow taller and gain weight over time. In addition to the growth of the organs in the body, physical development also makes itself Height apparent in the advances in muscle movements. (Draw the figure on the left on the board.)
SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT
HEALTH DEVELOPMENT

NUTRITION

The environment contributes to childrens development, health and nourishment through reciprocal interaction. (Draw the figure on the board.) To further expand this point, we can say that children that are well-nourished have a higher chance of being healthy (Write the underlined section on the board). A healthy child naturally develops better physically, cognitively, socially, and emotionally. This is because healthy children are happy, active, and interested in what is happening around them. They are aware of all the stimuli in their environment. Children that are aware of their surroundings, happy, and active, will naturally attract more attention from their environment. And this attention will result in their developing better. This shows the importance of health, nourishment, and an environment that responds to the childrens needs in childrens development.
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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Physical Development Of Children

In contrast, if the environment does not meet childrens care, love, and intimacy needs, this will have a negative impact on their health and nutrition. For instance, if a mother does not respond to her babys need to be cared for with love and affection, the baby will not be well-nourished, which will also influence the babys health. Love and affection makes the body benefit from the ingested nutrients. This is because the child is peaceful and happy. The body will digest the food well. HEIGHT and WEIGHT Do you measure your childrens height and weight at regular intervals? Do you observe any differences compared to a year earlier? (Listen to the mothers' responses.) Height and weight increase is most rapid during infancy. At later ages, growth rate declines compared to that during infancy. Between the ages of 3 and 9, children on average grow 7 to 8 cm, and gain 2 to 2.5 kilograms. The decline in growth rate is also observed in food intake. Children then do not require as much food. When we notice this we are usually anxious that our children are eating less, and feel at a loss as to what to do. But the fact is that due to the slower growth rate, children at that point require less calories for muscle, nerve, and bone development. At this time, girls and boys do not differ much in terms of height and weight increments. However, they might differ in terms of muscle development. The physical development of girls is faster than that of boys. As a result, girls can control their bodies more easily and their manual skills develop faster. In childhood, growth begins in the main part of the body and advances to the sides. For instance, first the abdomen, legs, and arms develop, hands and fingers develop afterwards. A rapid increase in height and weight is again observed during puberty. As was the case in early childhood, girls develop faster than boys during this time. Girls enter puberty (between 10-13 years of age) about 2 years earlier than boys (between 12-14 years of age) do. Girls start to show indicators such as breast growth, development of the genitals, menstruation, and hair growth. Boys show signs such as hair growth, beard growth, growth of the genitals, and their voice breaks. However, hands and feet develop more rapidly during puberty compared to other parts of the body. The figures I mention show the average growth rate of children in a given age group. Of course each and every child may grow at a different rate. What good is it for us to know the average height and weight growth rates for different age groups? (Listen to the mothers' responses.) If we know what the average height and weight gains for a given age group, and upon observing our children and comparing them to their peers if we notice a significant difference, we may have to contact a physician. Contacting a physician will allow us to take precautions against problems that may arise in the future. For instance, if our children are not putting on any weight, or not growing taller at all, it might be a good idea to contact a physician. Putting height and weight aside, what can children do with their bodies? (Ask the mothers and group their responses as gross motor and fine motor movements.) - They run, paint pictures, climb, fasten their buttons. These show us advances in gross motor and fine motor movements.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Physical Development Of Children

GROSS MOTOR (MOVEMENT) DEVELOPMENT Movements we make using our abdomen, legs, and arms are gross motor movements. In children, muscles that cause gross motor movements develop first. Children at first find it difficult to walk, but later they even start to run. While at first they can not find their balance, they can now balance even on the ledge of a wall. As their bodies get stronger, as their nervous system develops, so do their movements. Are there any movements your children could not do last year but have no problem doing this year? (Listen to the mothers responses.) For instance, how did they climb stairs last year, how do they climb stairs now? How did they paint pictures last years, how do they paint pictures now? (Listen to the mothers responses.) Now let us see what children can do on average at different ages. (Separate the mothers that have children between 3-4 years of age, 5-6 years of age, and 7-11 years of age into three groups, and get each group to express what children that age can do based on their own children. The group leader can later briefly go over the information below in the large group.) What can they do at 3 and 4 years of age? They can climb stairs using alternate feet; one foot helps the other when they are climbing down. Compared to when they were 3, by the age of 4 their bodies have become more flexible, the can jump and hop. They can catch and throw a ball. They can turn the pedals of a tricycle. What can they do at 5 and 6 years of age? Children at these ages can use their bodies with ease. They can run with agility and speed. They can run on tiptoe. They can jump rope. They can play many games and do many movements with ease. They are now better at hopping and jumping. They can throw a ball from above their head and catch it. At age 5 they can ride a tricycle with speed, at age 6 they can ride a bicycle with training wheels. They can balance on one foot for 10 seconds. They can climb down stairs using both feet, without holding the banister. They can jump over low objects. They can learn difficult skills such as swimming and riding a bicycle. What can they do between 7-11 years of age? They can now run very fast. They can jump from up high. Their sense of physical balance has developed. They can hop for long periods. They can catch and throw small balls straight and quickly. We have talked about what children in each age group can do on average. As we also said earlier, each and every child is different. They may all acquire these skills at different times. During this period, there are also gender-based differences. Girls mature earlier. But compared to girls, boys can run a little faster, jump a little further, and throw the ball a little farther.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Physical Development Of Children

What good is it for us to know what children can do on average in each age group? (Listen to the responses.) It shows us which physical movements we need to support in our children and guides us as to what we can do to this effect. It also allows us to take precautions in certain situations before it is too late. For instance, if the child has reached 3 years of age but is still not walking, we need to contact and consult a pediatrician. The muscles that enable gross motor movements in children do not develop on their own; they develop only if children engage in movements that foster gross motor skills as a result of brain development and maturation of bodily systems. Many times, children run around the house, hop, jump, or constantly ask to go outside and play, and in these cases we often think our children are misbehaving. In fact, far from misbehaving, these are movements children need to engage in so that they can develop in a healthy manner. Children feel a burning need to do these things because their bodies are telling them to run, jump. Just like we feel the need to eat when we feel hungry, children feel the need to act out these movements. If children cannot do the necessary bodily movements, their muscle development will suffer. As children get older, mature, and are allowed to act out these movements, they will get better and better at them. For instance, when children are young, walking, running or climbing might be less skillful or done only with assistance. Because children find their balance better as they grow older, they can run without falling, walk on a line, and do these things by themselves. So, what should we do to support the gross motor development (bodily movements) of our children? (Listen to the mothers' responses.) We must be aware that children need to do these movements during childhood and when school-aged. We need to consider this need as being natural, and accept it. When the weather is nice, we should take our children to open spaces, playgrounds, or on picnics, together with fathers, so that they can play and run freely; when they are school-aged, we should allow them to go play with their friends. Outings like these where fathers are also present bring the family closer together. We should not prevent childrens movements such as hopping, skipping, climbing, or jumping. Since going outside is not always an option, and especially in the winter, we should allow children to hop and jump around inside the house. This is something we usually forbid, thinking that it will bother the neighbors. To avoid bothering the neighbors we can put a sponge mattress (or a futon) on the floor for the child to hop and jump on. Or we can tell our children they can hop and jump around when the neighbors are not at home. If your neighbor has children as well, you could also invite the children upstairs so that they all play together. School-age children also engage in movements that support gross motor development (movement) within school hours, during recess. During recess they play ball, jump rope, play games like tag, and hide-and-seek. During this period, children enjoy games with rules that they can play with friends. In conclusion, children are very active during early childhood. They want to be in motion all the time, running, jumping, and climbing things. They feel the need to do these things to develop their bodies. For them, this is a physical need. They may
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Physical Development Of Children

frequently get dirty, cry and be aggressive when they get tired. Of course all this activity and noise can at times be very tiring and exhausting for parents. It is especially difficult to be understanding of such things for parents that have just got home from work. In such situations, both the children and the parents are right. Well, how can we resolve this problem? (Listen to the solutions the mothers suggest.) With only minor changes, it is possible to create an environment where children can play without bothering the parents. After removing all breakables, we can offer them interesting activities (painting, making dough to play with), and openly tell them which parts of the house they can play in and which parts are completely off limits. If we accept that it is something necessary for children to be active, we can tolerate their noise and their actions we labeled as misbehavior. In many cases, after children engage in these activities, spend their energy, and quench their need for movement, they will calm down. In addition to the changes to childrens arms and legs, what other parts of their body can you observe changes in? (Listen to the mothers answers.) Their hands and fingers are developing. FINE MOTOR (MOVEMENT) DEVELOPMENT We call the movements of our fingers and feet fine motor or small body movements. These develop later than gross motor (body) movements (abdomen and legs). Development of fine motor movements required the coordinated use of eyes and hands. During early childhood; at 3 years of age children begin to be able to use their hands and fingers in coordination; hold a pair of scissors not perfectly but well enough; and can eat by themselves. At 4 years of age children have more control over their hands and fingers, and they really begin to enjoy using with pencils and paints. At ages 5-6, children can copy pictures they are looking at and have gained the skills to draw more complex pictures. At the dinner table, in addition to a spoon and fork, they can now use a knife to cut soft things; they can also tie their shoelaces. They can cut a piece of paper following a line. With help, they can get dressed themselves. They begin to use either their right or their left hand. They begin to tie their shoelaces. They are able to copy simple shapes. Compared to boys, physically girls have matured faster than boys and their manual skills are better developed. At schooling age (7-11), children are now highly skilled at using many tools and a pair of scissors. They like discovering their skills and muscular strength. They tie their shoelaces properly. They can copy numbers, letters, and shapes, and begin to write. During Early Childhood, what must we do to support childrens fine motor (movements) development? (Listen to the mothers' responses.) We should give them materials that will foster the development of their hands and fingers, such as scissors, paper, colored pencils, play dough, zippers, shoelaces, and beads. We should always give children blunt-nosed scissors. We should create an environment where they can comfortably play with these materials. How can this be accomplished? We need to create an environment
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Physical Development Of Children

that children will not be worried about getting dirty or messy, where they can play comfortably. For instance, if the child would like to play with water colors, we can create a suitable environment by dressing the children in easily-washable clothes we will not mind getting dirty, and spreading some kind of covering on the floor. We should give children the opportunity to dress, tie their shoelaces, and eat their food by themselves. How can we do this? For instance, to get children to tie their shoelaces themselves, first we should teach them how to make a knot, encourage them to tie their own shoelaces, and help them when they need help. We should also offer praise when they start tying their shoelaces by themselves, without help. What is done at school to support childrens fine motor (movements) development? (Listen to the mothers answers.) With the aim of developing manual skills, they do various activities during art lessons. As they hold the pencil better, their writing skills also improve. We should encourage children to have some hobbies. For instance, they can play various instruments with their hands. The guitar, the violin, the piano are some examples. This week we talked about physical development in children. Next week we will discuss Planning and sharing: (Distribute Handout 1 and the Take-home Worksheet to the mothers. Ask them to write on this form the things they did during the week.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) This week we talked about physical development in children, especially the hand muscles and body movements. What are you planning on doing to support the physical development of your children? In which direction do you think your children need to be support more? In what you are planning on doing, who in the family would you consider appealing to for help? Are there any volunteers that would like to start? Whoever volunteers takes this pebble and shares her ideas with us, when she is done, she opens her hand and whoever else wants to speak takes the pebble from her hand and continues with the discussion. This way everyone can share their ideas with us all. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, speak about what they learned and make concrete statements about the things they plan on doing; when everybody is done, you pick up the pebble and express your happiness at how everyone shared their thought and feelings.) If you write down in detail the things you are planning to do at home, the take home worksheet I distributed will make it easier for you next week to share with us what happened. (Tell the mothers what next weeks topic is.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN

Children that are growing up in a supportive environment are healthier. Healthier children are better nourished. Well-nourished children have a high chance of developing well also.

PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT

SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT
HEALTH DEVELOPMENT

Weight Development

of Movements

NUTRITION Height

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

HANDOUT 1: PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN

Dear Parents, What can children do at 3 and 4 years of age? They can climb stairs using alternate feet; one foot helps the other when they are climbing down. Compared to when they were 3, by the age of 4 their bodies have become more flexible, the can jump and hop. They can catch and throw a ball. They can turn the pedals of a tricycle. What can children do at 5 and 6 years of age? Children at these ages can use their bodies with ease. They can run with agility and speed. They can run on tiptoe. They can jump rope. They can play many games and do many movements with ease. They are now better at hopping and jumping. They can throw a ball from above their head and catch it. At age 5 they can ride a tricycle with speed, at age 6 they can ride a bicycle with training wheels. They can balance on one foot for 10 seconds. They can go downstairs using both feet, without holding the banister. They can jump over low objects. They can learn difficult skills such as swimming and riding a bicycle. What can children do at 7-11 years of age? They can now run very fast. They can jump from up high. Their sense of physical balance has developed. They can hop for long periods. They can catch and throw small balls straight and quickly. ATTENTION: If your child is 3 years old and not yet walking, contact a physician immediately. What must you do to support gross motor (movement) development in children? We must be aware that children need to do these movements during childhood and when school-aged. We need to consider this need as being natural, and accept it. When the weather is nice, we should take our children to open spaces, playgrounds, or on picnics, together with fathers, so that they can play and run freely; when they are school-aged, we should allow them to go play with their friends. Outings like these where fathers are also present bring the family closer together. We should not prevent childrens movements such as hopping, skipping, climbing, or jumping. Since going outside is not always an option, and especially in the winter, we should allow children to hop and jump around inside the house. If we are concerned about bothering the neighbors, we can put a sponge mattress (or a

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Physical Development Of Children

futon) on the floor for the child to hop and jump on. Or we can tell our children they can hop and jump around when the neighbors are not home. If your neighbor has children as well, another option can be to invite the children upstairs so that they all play together. What must we do to support childrens fine motor (movements) development? During early childhood, we should give them materials that will foster the development of their hands and fingers, such as scissors, paper, colored pencils, play dough, zippers, shoelaces, and beads. We should create an environment where they can comfortably play with these materials. How can this be accomplished? An environment that children will not be worried about getting dirty or messy, where they can play comfortably. We should show them how to use the materials then not intervene, so they can play any way they like. For instance, if the child would like to play with water colors, we can create a suitable environment by dressing the children in easilywashable clothes we will not mind getting dirty, and spreading some kind of covering on the floor. We should give children the opportunity to dress, tie their shoelaces, and eat their food by themselves. How can we do this? For instance, to get children to tie their shoelaces themselves, first we should teach them how to make a knot, encourage them to tie their own shoelaces, and help them when they need help. We should also offer praise when they start tying their shoelaces by themselves, without help. Activities you can do at home with your children: Take your children to the playground and ask them to play ball Give them old magazines and ask them to cut out pictures they like Ask them to make shapes from play dough At home, ask them to dance to music Ask them to tie their shoelaces

LET US ALLOW CHILDREN TO RUN AND JUMP AROUND, PLAY WITH SCISSORS AND WRITE WITH A PENCIL

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

10

CHILDRENS COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Discuss with the mothers which skills are necessary for cognitive development, In their relationships with their children, enable mothers to use the methods they learned in order to support perception, memory, problem solving, concept development, and competency in language skills in their children, Enable mothers to be able to ask open-ended questions when talking to their children, and provide age-appropriate, fulfilling answers to their childrens questions. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: SAMPLE QUESTIONS FOR THE TRAINER HANDOUT 2: CHILDRENS COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT HANDOUT 3: TAKE-HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

CHILDRENS COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take-home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find solutions to? Which could you not find solutions to? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take-home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) This week we are going to talk about the development of the mind and consciousness, through which children comprehend and interpret information; how children learn; and the cognitive process that thoughts pass through. This will enable us, as parents, to find ways to foster learning in children. Let us do an exercise first. (Call over a volunteer mother. Ask the mothers in the group to examine the volunteer mother for 1 minute, without talking. Then ask the volunteer mother to leave the room. Ask the mothers in the room what they know about the mother that just stepped outside. Show the mothers that people go through cognitive steps to be able to talk about the things they saw.) What did you do first? (Listen to the responses.) You looked at that mother carefully; you tried to place a picture of her appearance into your mind. And then? (Listen to the responses.) You registered that into your memory so you could tell us later. What else did you do? (Listen to the responses.) You remembered what you had registered into memory, and verbally expressed how Mrs. .looks. You transformed images that appeared in your mind into words. What do we need to do in order to get to know Mrs. better? (Listen to the responses.) We need to speak with her, ask her questions about what she likes, where she lives, how many children she has. When you tried to find answers to the many different questions in your mind, and when you reached a conclusion, this was a result of logical reasoning. Now let us invite Mrs. back in so you can ask her questions and get to know her better. So, if we were to go over what we did in this exercise? First we examined Mrs. with our sensory organs, placed a picture of her appearance into our memory. What we remembered, we expressed in words. Then we said this was not sufficient information, we thought we needed to ask her questions to get to know her better, and asked our questions. Now we know more about Mrs. We used many different cognitive skills to communicate our thoughts and what we saw.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

Cognitive development is a developmental area that allows us to interpret and express our thoughts, the things we perceive with our sensory organs, and the things we learn, while also enabling us to acquire knowledge and skills. Childrens cognitive skills that are present at birth develop as they get older and are supported by their environment. Compared to last year, what cognitive changes have you observed in your children? (Listen to the mothers responses and add whatever they missed.) As you also said, as preschool aged children grow older; Their speech develops, they ask questions. They use new words. They desire to learn new things. They are more attentive. They are able to give logical answers. They can assess situations rationally. They can state reasons for events or for their behaviors. In other words, they can establish cause-effect relationships. Some of you have school-aged children. What kinds of cognitive changes occur in school-aged children? (Ask the mothers.) Their vocabulary grows, they make proper and meaningful sentences, they can speak at length about a given topic. Their memory has developed. They acquire reading and writing skills. These changes show us that children are developing cognitively. As is the case in other developmental areas, childrens cognitive development occurs through the acquisition of certain skills. These skills enable children to learn, achieve scholastic success, and communicate well with others. These skills can be gained only if children are given opportunities to explore their environment. Could you tell me how to bake a cake? (Listen to the responses.) Yes, we need flour, sugar, butter, milk, cocoa, and baking powder. If one of these ingredients is missing, we wont get the desired result. For the cake to come out as desired, I have to use all the ingredients and bake it according to the recipe. Similarly, for the cognitive development of your children, you need to support all of the necessary skills. These skills are: Perception / attention, Learning concepts / information Memory Expression (Express by using language / speaking, express by writing / letters and imitation / pictures) Problem solving (logical reasoning). (Draw this figure on the board.)

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

Problem Solving
Remembering

Concept Learning

Expression

Perception For children to activate these skills one by one, their environment needs to be full of information and rich in learning opportunities. Our minds can be likened to a computer. First we install new information onto the computer. Then we change, organize, and store this information any way we like. Afterwards, when our work is done on the computer, we print the information out on paper and use it. The concepts / information we gain with the help of an informationrich environment are learned via a similar mental voyage. Now let us examine these cognitive skills one by one. Perception/attention: (Registering with the sensory organs) Perception is becoming aware of events, objects, sounds, and smells in our environment with the help of our sensory organs. When a pleasant smell wafts in through the window and we realize it is the scent of a flower, this is called perception. In other words, recognizing, interpreting and assigning meaning to something we see, hear, taste, or touch, is perception. We engage in perception every moment of our lives. This is the most basic skill that fosters cognitive development. Young childrens perception is limited and their attention span is quite short. You will have noticed this while they are playing, they move onto another game before finishing what they are playing with, they get bored easily. As children grow older they can focus on an activity for longer periods of time, they pay attention to details. Being able to focus also supports scholastic achievement. What can be done to develop childrens perception skills? (The mothers may come up with some of the things that can be done after going over the incident below, you add whatever they missed. Act out the incident below with a volunteer mother.) Role Play: A mother takes her child to the playground. At the playground, the mother calls the childs attention to the leaves on the trees and on the ground. Mother: Berna look, do you see the leaves on the ground? Why do you think they are on the ground? Berna: Because the leaves are dead, they have dried up. Mother: They have dried up because it is fall. I wonder; are those leaves dry and stiff? (The child runs over to the leaves.) Berna: Yes, mom. They are stiff, some are yellow and some are brown. Mother: Do the yellow ones and the brown ones smell the same? If we walked on them, do you think it would make a sound? Berna: They both smell the same. It makes a sound when I walk on them.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

What did the mother do here? (Listen to the responses.) She called Bernas attention to the leaves around them and made her notice the leaves qualities by touching and smelling them. The mother played a supportive role in getting her child to know her environment. As was the case in this example, For children to live through different learning experiences, environments should be prepared where they can play with you or their friends. This will make it easier for children to recognize objects and people and distinguish them from among others. For instance, children that have gone to a library will learn the difference between encyclopedia and storybooks. Children that go to the zoo with their family will learn about different animal species. Care must be taken to ensure the healthy development of the sensory organs (sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch) so that children are aware of and perceive what is happening around them. In case any problems are suspected, a physician must be consulted immediately. This issue will be discussed in detail in the section on health. As noted during first weeks topic, any deficiencies in childrens sight have a direct effect on their perception abilities. In other words, physical development has an effect on cognitive development. Learning concepts / information: Children perceive everything that happens in their environment. In time, they begin to organize their perceptions. This means they group and classify incoming stimuli according to their similarities and differences. They group objects according to their colors, shapes, and size. This helps them to understand, learn, and when necessary remember new information faster. Just as we put our sweaters in one drawer, our socks in another, and put our skirts somewhere else so that we can find them when we look for them, we place new information in different sections in our minds. Similarly, children also place incoming stimuli in different sections they form in their minds. For instance: At first they group foods/objects according to size. For instance, these apples are large. In other words, they group foods or objects according to only one characteristic (size). As they grow older and more experienced, they become proficient in grouping objects according to more than one characteristic, and they can name these characteristics. For instance, these apples are large and sweet. Thus, children will have grouped foods they know into different groups in their minds based on their different characteristics, and formed relevant concepts.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

What can parents do to support concept development? (Role-play the event below with two volunteer mothers.) Role Play: A mother is with her 4-year-old (Mesut) and her 6-year-old (Aykut). She places pieces of paper with different characteristics in front of them. Mother: Look at these pieces of paper. How are they similar? Mesut: They all tear, they all burn. Aykut: The sheet of paper, toilet paper, and paper towel are all white, the others are not. Mother: Then lets separate the white ones from the ones that are not white. How do you think they are different? Aykut: We use the sheet of paper to write and draw pictures on, and we use construction paper in when we are making art. We use toilet paper to clean ourselves. What did the mother do in this example? (Listen to the responses.) She allowed the children to examine the different kinds of paper and group them according to their characteristics. By reinforcing concepts about paper, she helped the children learn. As seen in this example, to support concept development, Children must be provided information-rich environments and opportunities to reinforce the information in these environments. For instance, taking children to places such as the post office, mall, open air market, hospital, zoo, and the theater, and later talking to them about what they learned. Providing opportunities for children to show what they observed by drawing pictures or through role play. For children to learn about concepts, they need to know the characteristics of the objects they perceive. This is why effort must be spent to get children to pay attention to the characteristics of objects. Parents should guide and support the childrens learning. For instance, they can help children notice the different characteristics of a fruit by calling attention to its size, softness, color, and taste. Memory: Once children begin to perceive the information in their environment, they begin to register it in their memory. Later, if they want to use that information again they have to remember it. Remembering what is learned is an important skill for scholastic achievement. What can we do to support memory development? (Act out the incident with a volunteer mother.) Role Play: During the fall, Sinan and his mother plant a flower seed in a flowerpot. Sinans father takes their picture. Sinan waters the flower every day and waits for it to bloom with great excitement. Then came spring, and one day Sinan saw that the rose had bloomed. Sinan calls his mother right away. Sinan: Mom, look, my rose bloomed. Isnt it beautiful? Mother: Its great. (At that point the mother brings the picture taken back in the fall and they look at it together.) Do you remember how we planted this flower? Sinan: Yes, first we bought some soil and seeds from the greenhouse. Then we came home and put the soil into the flowerpot.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

What did the mother do here to help Sinan remember? (Listen to the responses.) She helped him remember by showing him the picture taken earlier. As can be seen in this example, to help children remember events, We should provide children opportunities to talk about whatever they want to talk about (movies they watched, what they have been doing, their experiences, etc). We should help children understand their experiences so they can remember them in the future. We should read books to them, then ask them questions. This will allow them to respond according to what they remember. After we finish the story, if we ask them to tell the story in their own words, this will also support their memory skills. Expression: Children show, or represent their thoughts and things they have learned in various ways. When they want to communicate their ideas they talk, they express themselves with words. Sometimes they draw pictures. Sometimes, as is the case when children play house, they relay their thoughts and emotions via imitation. And during the school years, they express their thoughts and emotions by writing. 1. Speech: (Language Development) Speech is one of the skills whereby thoughts, knowledge and feelings are expressed and remembered. The better we express ourselves, the better relationships we will be able to establish and succeed in many different areas. For children, the ability to express themselves well makes it easier for them to achieve in school and make new friends. Language development is most rapid during the preschool period. During this time, rapid change and development is observed in word use and sentence formation. Are you able to notice this change? (Listen to the mother's responses.) Sometimes the sentences they make are so well-structured and the words they use so unusual, adults are surprised. At these ages children rapidly begin to better understand things that happen in their environment, and become much more proficient at expressing themselves. Meanwhile, improved language skills means they understand and get to know their environment increasingly better. In short, as childrens thoughts develop their speech will improve, and as their speech improves, they will be able to develop new thoughts and ideas. This is why creating an environment that supports childrens language development is vital during early childhood. What can parents do to support language development? (Divide the mothers into small (groups of 3). Distribute to the mothers the photocopied case studies, and ask them to evaluate Merves mothers attitude.) Case Study 1: Merve is drawing a picture. Her mother comes up to her. Mother: What a pretty picture, good for you. Shouldnt snow be white? You made it red. Merve: I like red snow. The conversation ends, and the mother goes to the kitchen. Will the mothers approach support the childs language development? (Listen to the responses.) No. Here the mother said the color of the snow was wrong, and the conversation came to an end.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

Now lets examine another example. (Give them the 2nd case study and ask them to evaluate Merves mothers attitude.) Case Study 2: Merve is drawing a picture. Her mother comes up to her. Mother: Merve, can you tell me what you are doing? Merve: Snow. Mother: You drew snow. It looks like there is a lot of snow. Merve: And here there is some furniture people threw out. Mother: It looks like they are all in different colors. Merve: This is a bed, this is a wardrobe, and this is a table. The bed is blue, the wardrobe is yellow, and the table is brown. Mother: What do you think will happen to them when it snows? Merve: They will all get wet. What did the mother in the second example do? (Listen to the responses.) She encouraged Merve to talk about her drawing by asking her questions. To foster our childrens language development, we can Ask questions about what children read, see, hear, and do, and listen to their answers. When deciding on a question to ask, make sure the questions make children think. For example, What do you think if you dont take your umbrella? or What do you think there is in this box? What kinds of questions should we ask? (Give each one of the 3 small groups the 16 questions (10 questions that will make children think and 6 questions with short answers) distributed randomly, and ask them which of these questions would be better in fostering childrens language development. Handout 1: Types of Questions) It should be preferred to ask children questions that encourage them to guess, as these questions require their using the language more. These types of questions also boost childrens creativity. Children need plenty of opportunities to hear correctly spoken language. Usually, adults do not form complete and proper sentences when they are speaking with children, they even like it when children mispronounce words. This causes delays in children to learn the correct use of language. You need to read to children and tell them stories. As role models, parents should also read books themselves. Word games should be played to develop children's vocabulary. Attention must be paid to words used when talking with children. Vague comments such as that and this" should be avoided. Opportunities must be created to talk with children at every moment during daily life. While walking down a street, we can talk about the traffic lights, trees, and shops. Their questions must always be answered. How should we respond to their questions? (Listen to the responses.) The questions children ask should be viewed as normal. Giggling or showing discomfort when responding to childrens questions will convey to them that the question is unnatural. Answer the questions correctly. While answering childrens questions, take their age into consideration. Use simple words and sentences.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

Explain only as much as they have asked. Detailed explanations may confuse the child. It is difficult to answer some questions, but nevertheless, we must provide explanatory and satisfactory answers to their questions; no question should be left unanswered or ignored. If children do not receive answers to their questions, they will go and ask someone else. These answers will enable children to add onto their existing knowledge base. If children do not believe their parents will answer them correctly and does not acquire the habit of asking their parents questions, they will not ask and discuss with their parents more important problems, especially during adolescence. 2. Showing what is learned through drawings, role play, imitation, and words: Another way to express and remember thoughts is by drawing, imitation, role play, and writing. For example children can represent a concept they have learned (orange) in various ways in their play activities. This might be an orange ball, they might draw a picture of an orange, or imitate an orange in pretend play. When they have learned how to read and write, they will visualize an orange every time they see the word orange. During the preschool period, children use drawings to convey their thoughts. In while playing house, they take on different roles to show their thoughts and emotions. What should parents do? (Listen to the responses.) During this time, parents need to arrange the environment so that children can use objects in different ways. They should provide opportunities for children to draw. They should encourage children to engage in play activities where they take on various roles, such as playing house. Problem Solving / Logical Reasoning: Some circumstances motivate people to think, to solve a problem via logical reasoning. For example: Lets say the director walked in right now and said that the radiator in this classroom was going to be turned off, but you want to keep coming to the course, what would you consider doing? (Listen to the responses.) We would try to generate many different solutions, such as setting up a wood-burning stove, buying an electrical heater, trying to find another classroom or keeping our coats on. Next, we would choose the most suitable possible solution. Another example; you are outside on a very rainy day and you have to cross the street, but at the point you have to cross the street there is a large puddle blocking your way. What would you do? (Listen to the responses.) You can try to hop over it, you might look for a suitable place to cross further down, or you can find a few rocks, place them in the puddle and step from rock to rock. These are all solutions that will enable you to cross and not get so wet. Children also encounter situations like these where they have to find a solution through logical reasoning, first in the games they play, and later in the school and social lives. For example: The child wants to color the picture s/he made, red. But s/he cannot find the red pencil. So s/he tries to think about other options. When s/he cuts a shape out from red construction paper and glues it onto the drawing, the problem is resolved.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Children's Cognitive Development

What should be done to help the development of childrens problem solving skills? (Read the case studies out loud to the mothers.) Now I will tell you about one incident and two different mother-child conversations. Case Study 1: Halil is trying to make a tower using wooden blocks in his room. Just as he put the last block on the top of the tower it comes tumbling down. He tries again, and they all fall again. He tries a number of times, but with always the same result. Halil begins to cry. His mother comes up to Halil. Mother: Halil, I can see you feel upset when the blocks tumble down. Halil: Yes, it just wont stay up. Mother: If you lean the tower against the wall, it wont tumble down. Halil: Leans the tower against the wall. Case Study 2: Halil is trying to make a tower using wooden blocks in his room. Just as he puts the last block on the top of the tower it comes tumbling down. He tries again, and they all fall again. He tries a number of times, but with always the same result. Halil begins to cry. His mother comes up to Halil. Mother: Halil, I can see you feel upset when the blocks tumble down. Halil: Yes, it just wont stay up. Mother: What do you think you could do to make the tower a stable one? Halil: I can lean it against the wall. Ill put the blocks on next. This way they wont fall. Mother: What else can you do? Halil: I wont use so many blocks. Ill put less blocks on the tower. Mother: Yes, youre right, how about you try one of these options and see what happens? Which mother is supporting the child's problem solving skills? (Listen to the responses.) The mother in the second example gave the child an opportunity to solve the problem by himself; she only guided him with her questions. If she had solved the childs problem as was the case in the first example, would the child have learned anything? No. As is the case in this example, to help children develop their problem solving skills; We should give them the opportunity to solve problems they encounter, themselves. When they cannot solve the problem by themselves we should not point out a solution, but help them find clues that will enable them to find a solution themselves. We should set an example for the child with our own behaviors. When solving a problem, we can offer clues as to what we are doing by thinking out loud. For example, I have a certain amount of money. But it is not enough for the skirt I want to buy. I can buy some fabric and sew myself a skirt with this money. This way, Ill even have some money left over.

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Children's Cognitive Development

Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 2 and the Take-home Worksheet to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) This week we talked about what you could do to support the cognitive development of your children. What will you do help them increase their attention span, remember, and learn about concepts? What will you try to support the most in your children? Would you consider sharing information on this topic with your spouses and neighbors? Do we have any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
CHILDRENS COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT

Problem Solving
Remembering

Concept Learning

Expression

Perception

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HANDOUT 1: SAMPLE QUESTIONS FOR THE TRAINER

Question 1: What color is this button? Question 2: What do you think happens at the end of the story? Question 3: What can you tell me about the shape in your hand? Question 4: Do you want one or two boxes of colored pencils? Question 5: Is this apple large or small? Question 6: What do you have to do so that these shapes fit onto this sheet of paper? Question 7: What color did you make the turtle? Question 8: What do you have to do so that your bicycle does not get wet in the rain? Question 9: Could you tell me what you did at the open air market with your aunt? Question 10: Was the teacher happy with your homework? Question 11: What do you think we need for making a fruit salad? Question 12: What should you do so that your hands wont get dirty while you are painting? Question 13: How many of the pencils I am holding are yellow? Question 14: Could you tell me how you made this toy? Question 15: What do we have to do so that flowers can grow? Question 16: Why do you think some objects float and others sink in water?

Answer: Questions that encourage thinking: Questions 2, 3, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16

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HANDOUT 2: CHILDRENS COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT Dear Parents, Skills that support childrens cognitive development Perception / attention Learning concepts / information Remembering Expression (via language / talking; imitation / drawing; writing) Problem solving (logical reasoning) What can you do to develop childrens perception skills? Provide environments where children can play with you and their friends, and encounter different learning experiences. For example, a child that has gone to a library will learn the difference between encyclopedias and storybooks. A child that goes to the seaside on a picnic as a family will learn the types of fish in the sea. To ensure children are able to notice and perceive what goes on in their environment, pay attention that their sensory organs (vision, hearing, smell, taste, and touch) are developing in a healthy manner. What can you do to support concept development in children? Provide children information-rich environments and opportunities to reinforce learned information in these environments. For example, take them to the post office, mall, open air market, hospital, zoo and the theater, then talk to them about what they have learned. Provide opportunities for children to show what they saw through drawings and role play. To help children learn new concepts, get them to pay attention to the characteristics of the objects they perceive. For example you can help children realize the different characteristics of fruit they are eating by drawing attention to its size, softness, color and taste. What can you do to help children remember what they learned? Provide children opportunities to talk about their interests (such as movies they saw, things they did, and their experiences). Talk to children about things they learned and experienced earlier, and help them remember these things. Enable children to understand their experiences so that they can remember them later. Read children books, then ask them questions. This will allow them to respond according to what they remember. After we finish the story, if we ask them to tell the story in their own words, this will also support their memory skills. What can you do to foster childrens language development? Ask questions about what children read, see, hear, and do, and listen to their answers. When deciding on a question to ask, make sure the questions make children think. For example, What do you think if you dont take your umbrella? or What do you think there is in this box? These types of questions also boost childrens creativity. Children need plenty of opportunities to hear correctly spoken language. You need to read to children and tell them stories. As role models, parents should also read books themselves. Word games should be played to develop children's vocabulary.
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Children's Cognitive Development

Attention must be paid to words used when talking with children. Vague comments such as that and this" should be avoided. Opportunities must be created to talk with children at every moment during daily life. While walking down a street, we can talk about the traffic lights, trees, and shops. Their questions must always be answered. How should we respond to their questions? The questions children ask should be viewed as normal. We should not laugh or act bothered when answering childrens questions. Answer the questions correctly. In answering childrens questions, take their age into consideration. Do not use concepts and words that surpass their level of understanding. Use simple sentences. Explain only as much as they have asked. Detailed explanations may confuse the child. It is difficult to answer some questions, but nevertheless, we must provide explanatory and satisfactory answers to their questions; no question should be left unanswered or ignored. What can you do to help children represent their thoughts through drawings, imitation, and role play? Provide environments where children can use objects in different ways. Give them opportunities to draw. Encourage children to engage in play activities where they take on various roles, such as playing house. What can you do to help children develop their problem solving skills? We should give them the opportunity to solve problems they encounter, themselves. When they cannot solve the problem by themselves we should not point out a solution, but help them find clues that will enable them to find a solution themselves. We should set an example for the child with our own behaviors. When solving a problem, we can offer clues as to what we are doing by thinking out loud. For example, I have a certain amount of money. But it is not enough for the skirt I want to buy. I can buy some fabric and sew myself a skirt with this money. This way, Ill even have some money left over. Activities you can do with your children: You can read to your children and ask them questions about what you read. You can take your children to the zoo and ask them to draw what they saw when you get home. You can ask children to play the role of the main character of different books. You can ask children to resolve their own problems themselves. Ask your children to tie their own shoelaces. When your children ask questions, give them age-appropriate and correct answers.

SUPPORT YOUR CHILDRENS LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT BY READING TO THEM OFTEN AND SPEAKING TO THEM IN CORRECT, PROPER SENTENCES

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CHILDRENS SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Emphasize that it is important for children to get to know themselves, Emphasize that how children evaluate themselves is important, Emphasize the importance of knowing people in their environment for social development, Get mothers to find how to establish good relationships (friendly relationships) with other people, Emphasize the importance of developing inner control in children. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CHILDRENS SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT HANDOUT 2: TAKE-HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

CHILDRENS SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take-home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take-home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) This week we will talk about childrens social development. How do children begin to understand the social world? When do they begin to get to know themselves? What does friendship mean to them? Can they get along well with others? How will they learn to behave correctly? We will try to find answers to these questions as a group. What do we understand from the words social development? Social development is a process that begins with children getting to know themselves first, and moves toward their getting to know their environment. Socialization entails being able to adapt to and be a part of society. This occurs as a result of childrens relationships with other people. Childrens first social relationship is with their parents, followed by their teacher. This relationship forms the basis of all other relationships they will form in the future. Compared to last year, what changes have you observed in your children in terms of social development? (Ask the mothers, assess their responses according to the age groups below and complete anything that is missing.) As you also said, children between 3 and 6 years of age; Begin to take responsibility. (For example, they can take on the responsibility of watering the flowers at home.) Begin adhering to rules. (When rules are expressed clearly, they begin to abide by them at home or during a game. For example, eating dinner at the same time every day.) Want friends, initiate and maintain friendships. Friendships are limited to playing together and exchanging toys. With assistance, learn to solve their problems. (For example, they begin to learn what they need to do in order to fasten their buttons correctly.) With assistance, can learn to put themselves in other peoples shoes. (For example, realizing that another child whose toys were taken away might also feel sad.) Learn to behave well even when they are on their own. (For example, they will not hit their sibling even when their mother is not around.) Have a very extensive imagination. They can have imaginary friends. At age 3, they feel the need to learn to share more.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

Are keen on cooperating with their friends. Have not yet developed the ability to look at things from other peoples perspective. They evaluate events mainly from their own perspective. And as those of you who have children between 7 and 9 years of age said, you observed changes in the socialization of your children during this time. And in children between the ages of 7 to 11; In play, girls and boys separate into different groups. Girls play with girls, and boys play with boys. Girls come together more to talk, while boys come together more to play. Friendship is mainly based on trust. They are more selective about their friends. Sharing and helping behavior among friends is observed much more. They often play games with rules. For example coppit, monopoly, word games, bingo, or hide-and-seek. They are better at adjusting to the rules at school. They are better at coping with their own problems. They are much more interested in the incidents and people in their environment. They try to get to know their surroundings. They are much more self-confident and believe they can never do anything wrong. These changes indicate that children are becoming socialized. You may have noticed that there are differences in social development between preschool-aged children and school-aged children (especially in their friendships and their games). How will it help us to know that the socialization process differs at different ages (when they are preschool-aged and school-aged)? (Ask the mothers.) Knowing this will guide us in how we support them. For example, if our children never want to play with other children and want to be alone all the time, or if they constantly fight with other children, we can provide them more support in this area. This is because sharing and harmonious social relationships are slowly beginning to develop at 3-6 years of age. Social awareness/maturity in children begins with them noticing the observable characteristics and actions of themselves and others. As children grow older, they begin to understand the desires, beliefs, thoughts and intentions of others. They begin to assess peoples behavior based on the situation. For example, a 3-year-old will not understand if a ball thrown to them was thrown in play or in anger with the intention of hurting them, but a 7-year-old can make this distinction. In other words, social awareness/maturity progresses with age. The skills necessary for social development are a whole. This can be illustrated as a pie-chart. Children have to get to know themselvesSelf-confidence Getting to know other peopleLearning other peoples perspectives Establishing good relationships Adapting to social rules Moral developmentInner control CHILDREN GETTING TO KNOW THEMSELVES We said socialization begins with children getting to know themselves. (Draw the figure on the left on the board and explain as you go.) What does it mean when we say children have to get to know themselves?

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

Getting to know themselves Getting to know others Developing Moral relationships development with others

Children begin to get to know themselves through realizing their qualities and the qualities of other people. Children discover who they are. Who am I? What am I able to do? They provide the answers to these questions. Me and mine are some of the words they use most frequently. For example, Thats my toy, I wont give it to anyone; thats my mother, she loves me. Adapting Children get to know themselves through their relato social rules tionships with others. They also notice their gender during this process. Especially from the age of 3 onwards, they begin to ask questions about their gender. Why dont I have a penis? for instance. Children express themselves with their characteristics. They also begin to evaluate themselves (self-worth). For example, I got a good grade; that means I am successful. Or, I have no friends; that means nobody loves me, I am worthless. If children have a high sense of self-worth, they will be happy and satisfied with who they are. If children are lacking in self confidence and self-worth, they will not be satisfied with themselves. This will reflect on their actions and affect their relationships. Children generally appraise themselves based on their success in school and social relationships, and their physical characteristics. Scholastic success or the lack thereof, has an impact on their self-confidence. If they are successful in school, they will feel good about themselves. If they have many friends in their social circle that they get along well with, they will be happy. If they consider themselves to be pretty or handsome, their self-confidence will have an impact on their other relationships as well.

What can you do to help children to get to know themselves and assess themselves correctly? (Ask the mothers.) For children to be self-confident, Parents must see their children as an individual/person independent of themselves. They must keep their promises to their children. Parents have to believe that their children will be able to achieve certain ageappropriate tasks. They should try to correct unrealistic assessments their children might make. For example, getting a bad grade does not mean you are worthless. Parents need to show their children they love and value them even when they fail at something. The environment must be prepared that will help children get to know themselves. These environments should support children in establishing different relationships and doing various activities, and enable them to assess themselves. GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE IN THEIR ENVIRONMENT We said that in addition to getting to know themselves, children also try to get other people in their environment. What does it mean when we say children have to get to know people in their environment? It means to begin to understand the reason why people behave in certain ways (their intentions). This awareness is especially helpful in moral development, which we will discuss shortly. It means for children to understand whether or not a given action was intentional or coincidental/accidental.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

This skill enables children to be socially well-adjusted. In other words, it makes it easier for them to get along with other people, especially their friends. First lets do an exercise with you. (Draw a glass more than half full on the board and ask, is this glass empty or full?) Some of you said the glass is not full to the rim, some of you said the glass is full. As you may have noticed, different people can interpret the same incident differently. The important point here is to see that different perspectives exist and teach this to children. What can you do to help children understand and respect the perspectives of other people? (Ask the mothers.) First, children have to know their own emotions and understand the feelings of others. The ability to understand others can also be called socio-emotional maturity. We touched upon this subject last week. While children are playing with their friends or talking with you, you can offer different opinions and draw their attention to different perspectives. (For example, while playing house, the child playing the father wants to go to the movies, but the child playing the child wants to go on a picnic. You can intervene and say that everyone has a different opinion and there is a reason for these opinions.) During the play activity, you can draw attention to the intentions underlying their behaviors. For example, Did your friend knock over the flowerpot by accident, or intentionally? ESTABLISHING GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE IN THEIR ENVIRONMENT Up until now, we have talked the developmental process children advance through while getting to know themselves and others in terms of social development. Socialization requires initiating and maintaining relationships in addition getting to know themselves and others. Therefore, if we want our children to establish good relationships with their friends, siblings and other people, we have to enable them to first initiate a relationship with these people. These are the skills we will try to help children acquire. Who do children have relationships with? (Ask the mothers.) They are in constant interaction with their friends (peers), siblings, and family members. (Small group activity: Split the group into 3 small groups and give each one a different topic [relationships with friends, with siblings, and with other family members and/or disabled people]. Evaluate the results from each small group and relay them to the large group in the order below.) Question for Group 1: What can you do to help children establish good relationships with their friends? Question for Group 2: What are you doing to ensure they establish good relationships with their siblings? Question for Group 3: What can we do to support their relationships with family elders (grandparents and relatives) and any disabled people in their environment? You all have various friends as well. There are many different reasons why you see your friends. You see them because you get along well with them, they are there for you when you need them, and they listen to you. Your friendships continue because you seek their advice on different issues and they are attentive to your needs.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

Friends are important to children as well. As you may have also seen, children learn many different things much more easily when they are with their friends. Playing together supports childrens development, they become more social. This is why we spend effort to help them make friends and get along well with them. What can you do to help children establish good relationships with their friends? (After Group 1 conveys their findings, ask the other mothers for an opinion and add any missing information.) As you also said, to help children establish good relationships with their friends, We should create environments for our children where they can make friends and be with other children. How can we do this? (Ask the mothers.) We can invite their friends over to play. We can bring them to their friends homes. We can express our happiness in their making with other children. Especially when they are school-aged, we can send them to social activities where they can make friends. Maybe a basketball team or folk dancing practices, etc. We should teach our children that to maintain friendships they need to cooperate with others, respect the rights of others, help others, and learn to share. We can read them books that cover the importance of friendship, or if they can read, ask them to read such books themselves. For example, mothers can express their happiness when they see their children helping other children, respecting the rights of others, and sharing their toys and books with others. Or if such behaviors are not forthcoming, she could explain to her children why she would like to see these behaviors. We want our children to establish good relationships with their friends because close friendships make it easier for children to learn about themselves and others. If children have any siblings, then they are usually always together. It is your greatest wish that all your children get along. What are you doing to ensure they establish good relationships with their siblings? (After Group 2 conveys their findings, ask the other mothers for an opinion and add any missing information.) As you also said, to support their relationships with their siblings, We should create environments where they can take responsibility for something together with their siblings, participate in some activity together and have fun. For example you might encourage a division of labor when they are picking up their room. You can go to the movies or the playground together. You can create environments where the older sibling helps the younger sibling. For example, a 9-year-old can help with the homework of their 7-year-old sibling. However, childrens abilities and age must be taken into consideration when giving them certain responsibilities. Giving children a responsibility that they will not be able to fulfill can damage their self-confidence. As parents, we can prevent them from feeling jealous of one another by never comparing them on anything. Jealousy begins when the sibling is a baby. If we are less attentive to and neglect the older child when the sibling is born, they will be affected by this. We touched upon this subject last week. Apart from their siblings and friends, who else do children have relationships with? (After Group 3 conveys their findings, ask the other mothers for an opinion and add any missing information.) They have relationships with their relatives and with disabled people. What can we do to support their relationships with family elders (grandparents and relatives) and any disabled people in their environment?
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

We should make children feel it is important to help the elderly. We can show them that we consider this to be important by saying things like, Omer, it is very nice of you to help your grandmother carry her shopping. I can see that this makes her very happy as well. As parents, we need to help the elderly ourselves and set an example for our children. (For example, we can help the elderly people in our building by doing their shopping for them.) We can show we care by calling up our family elders or visiting them. We should create environments where the whole family comes together. For instance visits over the holidays, or family reunions, etc. We can also support our children in establishing relationships with people that are different. We can visit institutions where disabled people live to help children adopt a tolerant attitude toward and learn about people that are different. Parents should also set a good example in how they approach people with disabilities. Differences should be explained to children in a way they will understand. For example, we are all born with certain characteristics. Some people may not be as fortunate as we are. But still, we are all worthy, we are all significant. Mothers should not foster a fear of people that are different, or try to keep their children away from them. Understanding problems and resolving them in their relationships with people in their environment: Be it with their siblings or their friends, children sometimes encounter problems in their relationships with others. They can get into fights. What kinds of problems do children experience in their arguments with their friends? (Ask the mothers.) They get into a fight over toys (thats mine, I was here first), over joining an ongoing game (you are not part of this game), and differences of opinion (I am taller than she is, you are not). How do you resolve these problems? (Ask the mothers.) When problems arise between friends or siblings, we should help children resolve the problem themselves. How can we do this? (Ask the mothers.) Let us try to find the answer to this question by examining a specific case. Case study: Ayse and 4 of her friends are playing with LEGOs at her house. Together, they decide to build a zoo. While they are playing, Ahmet takes the monkey cage Ayse made from LEGOs and breaks it up. In response, Ayse starts to cry and scratch Ahmet. Ayses mother comes over and complains about Ahmet to his mother. What should Ayses mother do in this situation? (Listen to the responses.) She should ask Ayse what she should have done instead of scratching Ahmet or help Ayse with what she can say to Ahmet. For example, Ayse could have said to Ahmet, Ahmet it really upset me that you broke up what I had made. How would you feel if I broke up something you made?" Or the mother could ask, Ayse, what might have been better for you to do instead of scratching Ahmet and hurting him? The mother could also go up to Ahmet and ask him how he would have felt if the same thing were done to him. In terms of social development, it is also important that children learn the social rules that make it easier for them to adapt to their environment.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

LEARNING SOCIAL RULES


We all live in a social environment. We all have a social circle outside that of our friends and family. In that environment, there are people we interact with. This group here is also a social environment. The things we can and cannot do in this social environment are determined by rules. Remember, we had determined those rules together in our first meeting. What were these rules? (Get them to remember the rules.) To begin the meetings on time, not to interrupt when others are talking, letting us know beforehand if we cant make it to the meeting, etc. These rules give us an idea about the things we can and cannot do. What purpose do these rules serve? (Listen to the responses.) They serve to help the members of this group to establish healthier friendships and protect the rights of all of them. Besides this group, what are some of the rules in your community and your family? (Listen to the responses.) Not smoking in a hospital, keeping quiet at the movies, buying a ticket to get on a bus, not interrupting while someone else is talking, not standing on the desks at school, not hitting or cursing at ones friends, not stealingthese are some of the rules in our community. There are also rules that can differ from one family to the next, such as sitting down to dinner at a specific time, not entering the house with shoes on, visiting family elders on the weekend, or setting aside Sundays for completing homework and school preparations, and taking a bath. This process of learning all of these rules from the preschool ages onwards and developing behaviors suitable to these rules can be called socialization. Not abiding by these rules in our community may damage our relationships with our environment and our friends, and we may encounter public disapproval. Children first learn some of the rules in the environments where they play, and then the social rules of the environments they are in. During this process, parental attitudes and behaviors play a significant role in children learning these social rules. Which parental behaviors do you think will help children learn about rules? (Listen to the responses.) Telling children what the correct behavior is so that they can control their undesired behaviors. For example: You can tell Ayse you dont want her to take your toys. Children raised in a family that support the exact opposite view and says If someone hits you, hit one back, will learn to fight in their relationships with other children. Talking to children about what might happen if they do not abide by the rules, in a way they will understand. For example, you can ask them what might happen if they do not stop at traffic lights, or not cross at a pedestrian crossing. We can explain to them that the cars might not stop and there might be an accident. Having expectations appropriate to childrens age and characteristics. For example: If children are not yet at the age where they realize it hurts when they hit other children and receives punishment for hitting other children, they will not understand what is happening and experience problems.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

As parents, reacting in ways that are consistent with our childrens behavior. For example, if there is a rule about not hitting ones friends, and the child has gotten into a fight with their friends, if parents say you should have hit one back, at certain times, and you should have told your friend s/he hurt you, at others, this will make it difficult for them to learn the correct rule. As parents, setting an example when teaching these rules. For example, if parents do not keep quiet when at the movies, it will be difficult to expect their children to keep quiet. The ability to acquire the necessary skills for social development in its entirety depends on whether mothers and children share a relationship based on love and trust. If the mother meets her childrens needs on a regular basis, tries to understand their feelings, shares with them her own emotions, and helps them find solutions to their problems, she can be said to have supported her childrens social development. MORAL DEVELOPMENT Development of a conscience (moral development) is vital in childrens social development. How do you think moral development and the formation of a conscience occur in children? (Listen to the mothers.) Conscience or moral development is about children being able to control themselves in any given environment. It means people do not behave just any way they like. Peoples ability to control their actions, or in other words monitor themselves is called inner-control. What is inner control? Let us try to elucidate this concept with two examples. Case Study 1: Ali is playing house with his younger sister Fatma in the living room. Their mother is also in the room, looking through recipe books. Ali treats his sister well when their mother is also there. But when their mother leaves the room to answer the ringing phone, he pulls her hair, hurts her. Ali does not hurt his sister while their mother is in the room because he fears she will punish him. But when Ali is sure his mother cannot see them, he does not hesitate to hurt his sister. Case Study 2: Metin is playing with his brother Ozan in the room their father is watching the TV in. They continue playing with no problems. Their mother calls their father to the kitchen to repair the faucet. During this time Metin and his brother get along fine, and finish what they were playing without getting into a fight. What is the difference between Ali and Metin in these two examples? (Listen to their answers.) Ali does not hurt his sister while their mother is in the room because he fears she will punish him. But when Ali is sure his mother cannot see them, he does not hesitate to hurt his sister. In other words, the person controlling Alis actions is his mother. Ali has not developed inner control. Metin treats his brother well even when their father is not around. This is because Metin knows it is wrong to hurt other people. The person controlling Metins actions is not his father but himself. In other words, Metin has developed inner control.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

Drivers that stop at a red light only when there are police officers there, have not developed inner control. It is the police officer that controls them. Drivers that stop at a red light when there are no police officers around are in control of their behavior. They have developed a sense of inner control. Or students that do not cheat when the teacher is in the classroom but proceed to do so as soon as the teacher leaves the classroom have also not developed a sense of inner control. It is their teachers that are controlling them. Moral development begins when children are young. As children grow older and their cognitive skills develop, they begin to better understand the concepts of morality and fairness/justice, and the intentions that underlie behavior. For instance, when young children are evaluating a certain behavior, they are concerned only with its outcome. They never take into consideration the intention of the actor. For example, 2-year-old Fatma will be upset if Ayse wrecks the house she built, regardless of whether Ayse did so intentionally or by accident. Because Fatma is concerned only with the fact that the house she built is wrecked; in other words, her concern is the outcome. However, as Fatma grows older she will take into consideration whether Ayse wrecked it intentionally or unintentionally, and if it was unintentional, she will not feel angry with Ayse. This is because her cognitive skills have developed sufficiently for her to be able distinguish between intentional and unintentional acts. In addition, until they are 8-years-old children consider the rules they have learned to be absolute, or unchangeable. From the age of 8 onwards, they begin to understand that some rules can change depending on the situation. For example, they first see the be home latest by 6 oclock rule as an unchangeable rule. Later, they observe that if they can convince their parents they can come home later some days when they are playing with their friends. The child-rearing styles parents apply at home, childrens age and temperament, and parental expectations have an impact on children adopting socially correct behavior. Case Study 1: Ali (6-years-old) is building a tower from blocks. Aysel (5-years-old) loses her balance while trying to place a block on the top of the tower. And all the blocks come crashing down. Ali becomes extremely angry and starts to yell at Aysel at the top of his lungs. At that instant his mother rushed over from the other room, grabs Aysel by the arm, drags her over too the other room and is angry with her. Aysel was reprimanded for her behavior; do you think she now understands what she should do next time? What can we say about her moral development? (Listen to the answers.) Children that are beaten when they do something wrong may behave correctly next time due to fear of another beating or punishment, but they will not be able to control their actions, distinguish right from wrong. Whereas; Case Study 2: Ali (6-years-old) is building a tower from blocks. Aysel (5-years-old) loses her balance while trying to place a block on the top of the tower. And all the blocks come crashing down. Ali becomes extremely angry and starts to yell at Aysel at the top of his lungs. His mother comes into the room and tells Ali that Aysel did not
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mean to topple the tower; that she actually meant to help him. She explains to him that he can tell Aysel how he feels without yelling at her. She tells Aysel that Ali wanted to build this tower very much, and that when it toppled over he was very upset. What do you think Aysel would do in this situation? (Listen to the responses.) Because the situation and the correct behavior was explained to her in a way she would understand, Aysel will have understood what is right and wrong, and behave accordingly. She will not require external control. What can we do to support moral development? (Listen to the responses.) We must accept that childrens moral development is linked with age and cognitive development. This shows that moral and cognitive development progresses in parallel. Consequently, childrens achievement of a specific understanding of morality depends on their reaching a specific intellectual level. And this develops as children grow older. When disciplining children, we should avoid using corporeal punishment methods such as spanking, and instead talk to them, explain to them what they did was wrong, and get them to understand their mistake. We should call childrens attention to the intentions that underlie behavior and help them gain a more flexible understanding of morality. In addition, we must also set an example and take into consideration the intentions that underlie our childrens actions when assessing their mistakes. For instance, Look, your brother/sister didnt want to make you drop your pencil. His/her hand bumped into yours by accident. We should set an example with our own behaviors. For example, when children ask us something, we should always tell the truth. When the doorbell rings and a neighbor we do not want to see is at the door, we should not tell our children to say we are not home. To help the development of inner control and thus foster positive moral and personality development, we need to talk with children, value what they are saying and listen to them. At the beginning of our discussion we said we wanted our children to become people with good personalities, who have values and a sense of responsibility, and that this was dependent on healthy personality development. Healthy social and moral development, which we have been talking about, will have a positive effect on childrens personality development. We have been discussing the developmental areas for four weeks. We all saw how much there was we could do for our children. All these things help children to become self-confident and self-sufficient. Are these not qualities you have wanted to instill in your children from our first meetings onwards? Self-Sufficient Children What do we understand from the word self-sufficient? (Listen to the responses.) Self-sufficiency means for children to make decisions pertaining to themselves, bear the responsibility of their decisions and resolve their problems by themselves. Getting children to carry their own toys when they decide to bring them on an outing; eat by themselves using a fork or taking the responsibility of their own homework are only a few examples. In conclusion, for development to progress along a positive path, physical, cognitive,
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Childrens Social Development

moral, emotional and social development; a sense of basic trust; and self-sufficiency must all develop in a healthy manner. It is up to you to ensure that these areas have a positive effect on one another. Plan and sharing: (Distribute the Take-home Worksheet and other handouts to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) This week we talked about what we can do to support childrens social development. What will you do so your children to get to know themselves? What will you do so they establish good relationships with others? Would you consider sharing this information with your spouses or neighbors? Do we have any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you are planning on doing in the Take-home Worksheet I distributed, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you happened. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
CHILDRENS SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT Characteristics required for social development:

Getting to know themselves Getting to know others Developing Moral relationships development with others Adapting to social rules

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Social Development

HANDOUT 1: CHILDRENS SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT Dear Parents, What can you do so children get to know themselves and become self-confident? See children as an individual/a person. Keep promises made to children. Believe that children will be able to achieve certain age-appropriate tasks. Try to correct unrealistic assessments children might make. Show children you love and value them even when they fail at something. What can you do to help children understand other peoples perspectives? Help children recognize their emotions and understand the feelings of others. While children are playing with their friends or talking with you, offer different opinions and draw their attention to different perspectives. (For example, a given object can appear to be different sizes when viewed from different points of the room. It can seem different as we get closer to it.) During play activities, draw attention to the intentions underlying the behaviors. (For example, Did your friend knock over the flowerpot by accident, or intentionally?) What can you do to help children establish good relationships with people in their environment? Help them to establish good relationships with their friends. Create environments for children where they can make friends and be with other children. For example, invite their friends over to play or take your children to their friends houses. Express your happiness in their making friends with other children. When they are school-aged, send them to social activities where they can make friends. Teach children that to maintain friendships they need to cooperate with others, respect the rights of others, help others, and learn to share. For instance, read them books that cover the importance of friendship, or if they can read, ask them to read such books themselves. Express your happiness when you see your children helping other children, respecting the rights of others, and sharing their toys and books with others. When problems arise between friends or siblings, help children resolve the problem themselves. For example, tell children to express their feelings instead of resorting aggressive behavior. Ask them how they other child might feel. We want our children to establish good relationships with their friends because close friendships make it easier for children to learn about themselves and others. Children that have close friends like school more and are better achievers. Support their relationships with their siblings. For example, create environments where they can take responsibility for something together with their siblings, participate in some activity together and have fun. Keep childrens abilities and age in mind when giving them certain responsibilities. Support their relationships with family elders (grandparents and relatives) and any disabled people in their environment. How? 1. Teach children the importance of helping elderly people. 2. Create environments where the whole family comes together. For instance visits over the holidays, or family reunions, etc.
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3. Set an example for your children in your relationships with the family and persons with disabilities. Do not foster a fear of people that are different, or try to keep their children away from them. 4. Visit institutions where disabled people live to help children adopt a tolerant attitude toward and learn about people that are different. What can you do to support moral development? Accept that childrens moral development is linked with age and cognitive development. When disciplining children, avoid using corporeal punishment methods such as spanking, and instead talk to them, explain to them what they did was wrong, and get them to understand their mistake. Call childrens attention to the intentions that underlie behavior and help them gain a more flexible understanding of morality. Set an example with your own behavior. To help the development of inner control and thus foster positive moral and personality development, talk with children, value what they are saying and listen to them. Supporting all developmental areas enable children to become self-sufficient. What can be done to raise self-sufficient children? Establish a warm relationship with our children, based on love. Explain the rules and boundaries that must adhered to, and why. Listen to childrens reactions to rules. Let them participate in decisions taken at home. Support and encourage things they are able to do on their own. Offer acknowledgment when they are able to something by themselves. Allow them to try out their skills and support them in finding a solution when they experience difficulty in doing so. Know beforehand what children can and cannot do, do not expect from them things they are unable to do, do not cause them to feel inadequate. Activities you can do at home with your children: Teach them the correct way to do things. (Always tell the truth, no matter the circumstances) Take them to a picnic, get them to play ball with friends. Take them to places where they can learn about and establish relationships with disabled people. Ask them to assist the elderly lady that is your neighbor. Ask them to say thank you to a friend or their sibling.

MAKE SURE YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE SUITABLE FOR THEIR AGE AND CHARACTERISTICS

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CHILDRENS EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Inform mothers about the importance of a sense of basic trust and childrens temperament in establishing an emotional bond with children, and what they can do for that. Discuss the emotions that become more important during the preschool and school periods, and ways of coping with them, Inform mothers that emotions are not right or wrong but natural; however, behaviors that follow these emotions can sometimes be wrong. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CHILDRENS EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT HANDOUT 2: SAMPLE ACTIVITIES FOR THE TRAINER HANDOUT 3: TAKE-HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: Selected clippings from newspapers on understanding emotions A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Emotional Development

CHILDRENS EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take-home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take-home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) Today we will discuss temperament and personality differences in children, in other words, how all children develop differently from one another. We will also discuss the bond that develops between mothers and children from birth onwards. We will talk about how the sense of trust between mothers and children, how the mother meets her childrens needs, and how childrens temperament is effective in the establishment of this bond. Later, we will also discuss the importance of emotions in childrens development. So, what purpose do emotions serve? What role does childrens age play in the expression of emotions and understanding other peoples feelings? THE MOTHER-CHILD RELATIONSHIP The foundations of the mother-child relationship are laid in infancy. An emotional bond forms between mothers and children with nursing. This bond affects our relationships in later life. The Emotional Bond So, how does the emotional attachment form? For the emotional bond to be a healthy one, children have to trust their mothers and their surroundings. This trust is established as mothers meet their childrens varying needs from infancy onwards. What might some of childrens various needs be? Care, nutrition, love, attention, learning, and emotional needs. The emotional bond is very strong especially between the ages of 6 months to 2 years of age. Children experience fear when separated from their mothers, this is something they do not want, and makes them cry. Mothers also feel the same thing. They too feel uneasy when their children are out of their sight. At this time children cannot establish this environment of trust on their own; this is something mothers must do. If mothers let their children know they will be gone even if it is for a short while, and later come back, children will learn to trust them. As they grow older, children begin to move away from their mothers more frequently. If children also let their mothers know when they will be going somewhere, mothers also learn to trust their children. Thus, an environment of mutual trust is established. The bond forged with the mother has an impact on interpersonal relationships in later years.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Emotional Development

Basic Trust Lets do an exercise on the establishment of an environment of trust. I would now like to read you some examples. Case Study 1: Ahmet is a first grade student in elementary school and on the basketball team. One day, there is an intramural basketball game. Ahmet asks his parents to come to the game. But they both forget to go. That evening, Ahmet goes home feeling very sad. He does not eat dinner that night. His mother does not even notice that Ahmet is sad. She is too wrapped up in her own problems. How did the parents behave in this example? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) Ahmets parents forgot something he cared deeply about. This made him very sad. He thought he was unimportant. Now lets examine another example. Case Study 2: One day Ayse has an argument with her husband and falls into an uneasy sleep. A short while later she wakes up to the sound of her 3-months-old baby, and goes over to the infant saying, Oh stop whining already, I am so sick of this life. She starts to nurse the infant. She does not establish eye contact with the baby, does not caress the infant. She gazes into the distance, lost in thoughts about her problems with her husband. The baby starts to cry and stops suckling. Ayse says, As you wish, and puts the infant back into the crib. And she goes back to sleep. How did Ayse behave in this example? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) Ayse was nursing the infant unwillingly. She reflected her problems with her husband to her baby. In both examples, the mother and the family were inattentive to their childrens needs. They did not meet their childrens nutritional, love, care, and emotional needs. Will the children in these examples feel secure; will they be able to trust other people? (Listen to their answers.) Of course not. In the first example, the parents were not there when their child needed them. In the second example the mother was there, but doing what she had to do unwillingly. Meeting childrens needs for nutrition, care, learning, love, and other emotional needs from birth onwards is of extreme importance. In children, development of a sense of trust depends on the attitudes of their caregivers. In other words, mothers attitudes while meeting their childrens needs have a profound effect on the personality of their children. What can be done to establish this sense of trust? (Ask the mothers.) Mothers need to be receptive to their childrens emotional needs at all ages. In other words, it is crucial to recognize that children are happy or sad, and to provide opportunities for them to express their emotions or needs. Parents need to approach their children with love when meeting these needs and the children must feel their love. In short, mothers have to make their children feel their happiness in having had them. They need to be consistent in meeting their childrens needs. What does being consistent mean? (Ask the mothers.) It means showing the same reactions under the same circumstances. For example, if we hug and embrace our children when they fall down and begin to cry, but reprimand them and say you are
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Childrens Emotional Development

such a klutz, the next time this happens, we will have been inconsistent. The children of inconsistent parents have no way of knowing how their parents will react in any given situation. We will discuss consistent parental behavior in much more detail when we discuss the topic Positive Methods in Child Rearing. Because children whose needs are met will be peaceful and happy, they will feel secure and trust themselves and others. Childrens Characteristics / Temperament: Childrens genetic makeup/temperament also impacts the formation of the emotional bond between mother and child. If we were to give examples from among ourselves, some of us like to get things done quickly, are more active and faster to react, whereas others are slower, think a lot before acting, and keep our reactions to ourselves. I would like to ask those of you who have two or three children; are all your children similar in temperament? (Endorse the answers of the mothers who say there are differences between their children.) Just as we are all different, so are our children. This is something observable from infancy onwards. Some babies are very quiet and peaceful while others cry a lot and are restless. Some children are bold and make friends easily while others are more withdrawn, vulnerable and easily offended. Some are cheerful, easily adapt to new things; some are more grouchy, worried, or cautious while others may be a little slower in adapting to new things and react less to their environment. Based on childrens characteristics/temperament, their reactions to events are all different. The important this for mothers is to forge a close bond with their children especially during infancy, and meet their babies needs. Otherwise, mothers find it very difficult when they cannot adapt to their children and vice versa. Mothers always say things like, This child was really difficult, or It was much easier with my older daughter. It is more difficult for mothers to establish a harmonious relationship especially with children that are frightened or disappointed very easily. The attachment forged during infancy, a sense of basic trust, and the temperament children are born with all constitute the basis of emotional development, they also influence it. (Write the underlined section on the board.) Q. What do you understand from the words emotional development?(Listen to the responses.) Emotional development entails people to be aware of thei r feelings and the feelings of others, and the skill to express their emotions appropriately. Children that are aware of their emotions will be better able to express themselves, and recognize the emotions of other people. The skills necessary for emotional development are an indivisible whole. We can illustrate them as a pie-chart. (Draw the figure on the left on the board.) Children have to recognize their emotions Children have to correctly express their feelings Children have to recognize and understand the emotions of others
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Recognize their emotions

Correctly express their emotions

Recognize the emotions of others

Childrens Emotional Development

HOW CHILDREN CAN RECOGNIZE THEIR OWN EMOTIONS Now, to be able to support our childrens emotional development, let us first consider the emotions we ourselves experience. What kinds of emotions do we experience? (Wait for the mothers responses.) Yes, we experience feelings such as anger, rage, happiness, excitement, fear, jealousy, pride, and sadness. Let us imagine for a moment that we experience no emotions. Imagine you feel no happiness, no sadness, no admiration, no jealousy, or no pride. Do you think we can be human without experiencing these emotions? Would it be possible a life with no emotions? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) If we had no feelings, we would be no different than a machine. Although we know all this, we often try to hide our feelings. Also, as children get older, we do not like it when they openly express some of their emotions. For example we consider it normal for a 1-year-old to cry, but we criticize our children for crying as they grow older, as if they had no right to do so. Sometimes we discriminate based on gender; we sometimes say, Men dont cry. But we disregard it when girls cry. We pressure children into hiding their emotions. Children often show their emotions through behavior, since they do not recognize their emotions and lack the vocabulary to express them. Yet just like us, children also experience prominent emotions when they encounter any given incident. Now let us examine one by one basic emotions such as happiness, fear, anger and sadness that both we as adults, and children experience. Happiness: When do you feel happy? Which events/behaviors make you happy? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) When your husband or children show you their love, hug and kiss you, you feel happy. When you receive good news, when your children bring home a good report card, you feel happy. Similarly, children experience all these emotions just as we do. What makes your children happy? (Listen to the mothers.) They like it when you hug and kiss them and show them you love them. They like playing with you, going to the playground or on a picnic with you, hearing from you which of their behaviors you approve. If we want our children to show their love at all ages, then we need to show them our love for them and for our husbands as well. For example, if we kiss them when they come home from school, hug their sibling, speak kind words to our husband, we will be setting an example for them. Children need love and affection from birth onwards. Children that receive love and affection from infancy onwards will see themselves as worth loving and develop a secure personality. They will be more likely to approach others with love, trust and a positive attitude in their later lives.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Emotional Development

Fear: What are some things you are afraid of? (Listen to the responses.) Earthquakes, becoming ill, mice, etc. In other words, we can feel frightened when we feel powerless in the face of a given incident. We see that children are afraid of many things as well. Although children are only afraid of things like sudden movements and sounds during infancy, the number of things they are afraid of increase as they grow older. One reason for this is that fears are learned. A little earlier some of you said you were afraid of earthquakes. If you had not experienced the earthquake would you still be as afraid of it? Of course not. Our experiences teach us to be afraid of things we had previously not been afraid of. For instance, children that were scratched by a cat and had to have rabies shot might be afraid of cats after this incident. What are some of the fears your children experience? (Ask the mothers.) Children especially between the ages of 3 to 6 may exhibit unrealistic fears such as imaginary monsters and ghosts. Children of this age experience these fears. It should be considered normal. There may be some children afraid of the dark, or of their teachers. And some children may experience fear of being separated from their mother. This can be difficult for parents during the first days of school. And during the school years, children can experience a fear of school and failure. We will take up this issue in detail when we discuss problematic behaviors. What might be the cause of such fears? (Listen to the mothers responses.) Horror and suspense movies could increase the magnitude of the fear children experience. Children can also be affected by the threats we use to frighten them. (If youre a bad boy/bad girl I will give you to the gypsies, or Ill tell your teacher/your father, etc.) When childrens fears are intense, they may be reflected in other ways. (For example nail biting, thumb sucking, wetting themselves, etc.) These fears can cause various behavior disorders. If their fears go on for a long time and reveal themselves as a behavior disorder, you may need to consult a physician without much delay. Anger: Do you ever feel angry toward people, rules and events that occur in your environment? What are some things that make you angry? (Listen to the mothers responses.) You are angry when people spit on the street, cut into the line in front of you, or when you have to wait at a red light when you are in a hurry. You may feel angry when you are treated unfairly, when you are misunderstood. What are some things that make your children angry? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, just as we get angry with things happening around us, so do children, and from the time they are young. They may feel anger toward their friends, mothers, siblings, or rules. Children are not always unjustified in their anger; also, keep in mind that children are human beings as well, and have the right to feel angry toward certain things. For example: Insisting on dressing children in layers when they want to go out
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Emotional Development

and play in the garden with their friends could hinder their freedom of movement and cause them to feel angry at their mother. Sadness: Sadness is another human emotion. Certain incidents, certain events make us feel sad. What are some things that make you sad? (Listen to the mothers.) You feel sad when a loved one becomes ill, when your purse is stolen, when a friend says they no longer want to see you. What are some things that make your children sad? (Listen to the responses.) They feel sad when they lose a toy they like, when they get a bad grade, when they have a fight with their best friend, and then they are reprimanded. And how do they show their sadness? (Listen to the mothers.) They show this by crying, sulking in a corner, or becoming ill-tempered. Their disappointments are usually instantly apparent via their facial expressions or (withdrawn) behavior. Happiness, anger, sadness and fear are basic emotions that people feel regardless of age or wherever they may be living on Earth. In addition to the basic emotions, there are feelings that are borne from them, including shame, guilt, pride, jealousy, taking offence, a troubled conscience, exhilaration, trust, degradation, regret, and humiliation. Sometimes when we feel very angered by a certain incident, in time it becomes clearer that the real reason for our anger is actually feeling humiliated or belittled. For example if our husband came home late without letting us know he will be late beforehand, the first thing we feel when we open the door and see him standing there is anger. But if we were to ask ourselves why we felt so angry, we would realize that the underlying reason is actually worry and anxiety. We feel great happiness when our children do well at the university entrance exams. Pride is the reason for our happiness. However, the feelings that arise from the basic emotions can change depending on the person. Faced with the same incident, some of feel angry for feeling regret; some of us feel annoyed for feeling guilty. Jealousy is a natural emotion, and is essentially based on feelings of insecurity. When do children feel jealous? (Listen to the mothers.) Especially when a new brother or sister is born and attention that once focused on them turns to someone else, children feel left alone, abandoned, and insecure. They may feel they are no longer loved and lose confidence in themselves. How do children show their jealousy? (Ask the mothers.) Sometimes they may show their jealousy by acting aggressively toward their siblings. The aim of the aggressive behavior is to attract a little more attention. Some childrens reactions may be the exact opposite, they may become very withdrawn. They may lose interest in their surroundings or attempt to compete with their sibling. For example, they may regress and act younger than their age; they may wet themselves, talk babytalk or refuse to eat by themselves. They may express their emotions by saying something like, I don't want a brother/sister; lets give the baby back to the hospital. I would like to share with you something that happened in real life. Orhan, who is a 5year-old, showed how jealous he was of his newborn sibling by going up to the infants bed and saying, Hocus pocus, go away!

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Emotional Development

Some children are jealous not only of their siblings but of people or objects that they love, and as a result can exhibit disruptive behaviors so as to not share them with other people. For example: Children might lie in order not to share their favorite toy with a friend, or become ill-tempered when their mother is talking to someone else because they dont want to share her with anyone. Up to now, we have been talking about emotions. Now let us discuss what we can do to help our children express their emotions correctly. (Divide the mothers into 3 groups. Give these questions to each group.) Group 1: What makes your children happy? What do they do when they are happy? Are they aware of this? Do they know how to express this correctly? How might you teach them? Group 2: What makes your children angry? What do they do when they are angry? Are they aware of this? Do they know how to express their anger correctly? How might you teach them? Group 3: What are your children afraid of? What do they do when they are afraid? Are they aware of this? Do they know how to show their fear? How might you teach them? Group 4: What makes your children sad? What do they do when they are sad? Are they aware of this? Do they know how to express this correctly? How might you teach them? Group 5: What are your children jealous of? What do they do when they are jealous? Are they aware of this? Do they know how to express this correctly? How might you teach them? (Later, ask them to discuss it in the large group. If any points are left out from the discussion, you provide a summary. The necessary information is presented below.) What can parents do so that children are able to understand their own emotions? Parents have to set a good example for children to be able to express their emotions correctly. They must also express their emotions. For instance, My friends mother broke her foot today, it made me very sad. No matter which emotion children experience, we need to accept these are natural and normal. Children will understand that their emotions are natural if you do not criticize their emotions. Comments such as Youre a big girl now, big girls arent afraid of the dark, dont be silly, will make children think their emotion is wrong. Acknowledge them when they express their feelings. I really liked it when you said you were happy because your friend came to play with you. To understand their feelings, you could ask them how they feel in the face of various events. When they are telling us about an incident they experienced, you could state their emotion to help them understand it. For example: How did you feel when you lost your favorite barrette? or So you felt very sad when the other children didn't let you join in," etc. Children must be assisted in finding ways to express their emotions correctly. Especially when they are angry or in a rage, you must first wait for them to calm down. Later you can talk about the consequences of their reaction to the event. Finally, you can ask them to consider and tell you whether or not there might be a better way to cope with this problem, or what might be a better and less damaging way of dealing with it. In other words, you help them acquire problem solving skills.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Emotional Development

This was a more overall perspective of the things we could do. But there are other things we can do when fear and jealousy is the issue. Now I will talk about that. For children to overcome their fear: Children should be helped to get used to whatever it is they are afraid of by building their confidence. For example, if our children are afraid of the sea, we can first get them used to playing on the beach, then by the surf, and later take them on a walk in the shallows. When children are jealous of their newborn sibling: Before the baby is born, children should be told that a new baby will be joining the family and help them get used to this idea. If children participate in finding a name for the baby and the preparations at home, it will be easier for them to accept the baby. We should spend more time with the older child(ren). Mothers should let her children know how much she loves them with her actions. Once the birth has taken place, you could also collaborate with people in your environment. For example you could keep something on hand to give to your older children when people are bringing over gifts for the newborn, or tell people you know well to bring something small for both of them. Ask for help from the older child when you are changing diapers or nursing the newborn. (I get less tired when you help me. I dont know what I would do without you etc.) Explain to them that they were once this small and later grew up, using photographs. Never compare two siblings or two friends. Comparing children to their siblings will make children feel anger toward them. For example; See, your brother/sister never upsets me, or Your older sister is better at school than you are. Instead of comparing children to their siblings or other children, you can compare what they are able to accomplish today with what they were able to accomplish in the past. In other words, the correct thing to do is to compare different points along their developmental process. Let us illustrate this point with an example; when you notice that your children who started school four months ago and could only draw matchstick men and use a single colored crayon are today making more complex pictures and have made advances in their coloring skills, you will have compared their prior status with their present status. Here is another example, lets say your children got a D in math and you said, Why didnt you get an A like Ayse did? how do you think your children would feel? Instead of studying harder and according to a study schedule, they will give up completely on studying and may distance themselves from or feel angry toward Ayse. The important thing here is to keep in mind that all children have different talents and skills and that making comparisons never works. HOW CHILDREN CAN EXPRESS THEIR EMOTIONS IN A SUITABLE MANNER It is up to us to control the discomfort and restlessness our feelings will give rise to. This can possible only if we know which types of incidents make us feel discomfort, state how we will act when faced with certain events, and take precautions.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Childrens Emotional Development

Our emotions cause various physical changes in our bodies. When angry, our hearts beat faster, we sweat, etc. There are differences also in our actions. When angry we frown; when embarrassed we blush. Emotions can also be illustrated, or expressed with words. To be able to control, to a certain extent, the discomfort our bodies experience due to emotions, we have to prevent ourselves from over-reacting to events that mobilize our feelings and in the meantime, show our reactions correctly. Learning the correct way to express emotions is one way of gaining control over our reactions. Bottling up our reactions inside is extremely taxing. For example, we can control our fear/excitement by not watching suspense movies that give us a real thrill. Speaking directly to people who have annoyed us by acting a certain way will alleviate our feelings of anger. And sometimes we feel disappointed when our expectations are not met, but we may not show this thinking it may not be very fitting socially. For example, we may be expecting a large vase as a gift but instead our friend got us a picture frame we did not like; we hide what we are feelings and thank them. However, since babies have not yet acquired this skill, they cannot control their emotions like adults can. Children slowly begin to acquire this skill as they grow older and with parental support. When children are young they try to control their emotions by talking to themselves. For example, children that are all alone at home, and afraid, say Mom will be here any minute, and help themselves relax. However, there may be a difference in childrens ability to control their feelings based on gender and character. Compared to boys, girls express their emotions much more easily. For example some children show their emotions very quickly after a given incident, and some dont. For children to correctly and appropriately express their emotions is one of the most crucial skills in terms of emotional development. Children often show their emotions during play, by directly engaging aggressive acts. This is an approach they put into effect unthinkingly. Our aim is to get children to express their emotions in an appropriate manner, like adults. As parents, how can you help your children learn how to express their emotions appropriately? (Listen to the mothers.) Mothers should set an example for the child with their own behavior. For example, if we slam doors and throw things when we are very angry, children will learn to express anger in the same way. When children express their emotions in an inappropriate manner, mothers should not criticize them or make them feel guilty. Instead, they should teach their children what the correct behavior is. Mothers should discuss with their children the consequences of their behavior. Instead of saying, Why did you pull your brothers/sisters hair? Youre still such a baby, you could say, You hurt your brother/sister when you pulled his/her hair; how else could you have taken the pencil in his/her hand? Yes, you could have asked them to give it to you. Children should be acknowledged when they express their emotions in an appropriate manner. How nice, you talked to your brother/sister without pushing him/her away. You told him/her not to mess up your game. It becomes easier for children to understand other peoples feelings once they begin to recognize their own.
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Childrens Emotional Development

FOR CHILDREN TO UNDERSTAND THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS Understanding the feelings and worries of others (people in our environment) and looking at events from their perspective, in other words, being able to empathize with others is very important. Seeing that everyone can have different feelings and accepting these feelings makes it easier for us to communicate with other people. To be able to understand the feelings of others, we need to put ourselves in their place and listen to them, and think about what it is they might be feeling. People who have no idea what they are feeling cannot understand what other people are feeling either. We need to be very acquainted with our emotions. For example, how do we act when we are angry? What do we feel in our body after we experience a given emotion? For example, when we feel embarrassed we blush; when we are angry we see red, we get a headache, we frown. If we are aware of all these changes, it will be easier for us to understand the feelings of others. Let us look at an example. (Read the sentences in HANDOUT 2 in an angry, sad, sarcastic, and happy tone of voice. Make the correct facial expression to accompany what you read. Ask the mothers to study your talking style and facial expressions, and state the emotion you are trying to convey.) What did we do in this game? (Listen to the responses.) You paid attention to how I spoke and my facial expressions as you were trying to understand my emotions. (After the mothers sit back down, read to the group an incident featured in a newspaper [a story on understanding emotions; for instance a mother whose child was kidnapped, a woman whose purse was stolen, a woman who was treated unfairly] and ask them the questions below.) How do you think this woman might be feeling? What would you feel if it were you? (Ask the mothers.) You put yourself in the place of the woman in the story and stated what you might feel. Not everyone stated the same emotion. Therefore, even if the incident is the same, people can experience different emotions. The important thing is to respect what that person is feeling and try to understand it. This is why we need to help children acquire the skills to recognize their emotions and in turn, understand the emotions of others. As parents, what can we do to help our children understand the feelings of other people? (Listen to the mother's responses.) We need to set an example for our children. State how you understand the emotions of others. For example, Ayse has been feeling very sad since her cat died. She never smiles these days. We need to help them understand the feelings of other people. For example, when children pull their friends hair, saying, Look, it hurt when you pulled their hair, they felt sad. How would you feel if someone pulled your hair? instead of

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Childrens Emotional Development

I am sick of you misbehaving, will help them acquire the skill to understand what other people might feel. We need to acknowledge their behavior when children act in ways that show they understand the feelings of others. For example if children say, A friend from school felt very sad because they lost their cat; it made me feel sad too, you should acknowledge their emotion. However, children's emotions might be negatively affected by events that are out of our control, such as divorce, death, or serious illnesses in the family. They may experience emotional depressions and crises. Behavior change may be observed under such circumstances. These might include extreme withdrawal, refusal to eat, speech disorders, cutting of communication with other people, and feeling lonely Parents might feel helpless in their attempts to support their children. Cases like these should not be neglected, thinking they will get better in time, and a professional must be contacted. Plan and sharing: (Distribute the Take-home Worksheet and the handout, and say they can write on it what they experienced during the week.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) We examined how we could support our childrens emotional development in our discussion today. What will you do to help you children recognize their emotions? What can you do to help them express their emotions correctly? Do we have any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
CHILDRENS EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT The skills necessary for emotional development are: Emotional development is affected by the emotional bond between mothers and children, childrens temperament, and the sense of trust established during infancy.

Recognize their emotions

Correctly express their emotions

Recognize the emotions of others

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HANDOUT 1: CHILDRENS EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT


Dear Parents, What can you do to establish basic trust in your children? Be receptive to their childrens emotional needs at all ages. In other words, it is crucial to recognize that children are happy or sad, and to provide opportunities for them to express their emotions or needs. Be consistent in meeting their childrens needs. It means showing the same reactions under the same circumstances. For example: if we hug and embrace our children when they fall down and begin to cry, but reprimand them and say you are such a klutz, the next time this happens, we will have been inconsistent. The skills necessary for emotional development are: Children have to recognize their emotions Children have to correctly express their feelings Children have to recognize the emotions of others

What can you do to help you children recognize their emotions? Parents have to set a good example for children to be able to express their emotions correctly. They must also express their emotions. For instance, My friends mother broke her foot today, it made me very sad. No matter which emotion children experience, we need to accept these are natural and normal. Children will understand that their emotions are natural if you do not criticize their emotions. Comments such as Youre a big girl now, big girls arent afraid of the dark, dont be silly, will make children think their emotion is wrong. Acknowledge them when they express their feelings. I really liked it when you said you were happy because your friend came to play with you. To understand their feelings, you could ask them how they feel in the face of various events. When they are telling us about an incident they experienced, you could state their emotion to help them understand it. For example: How did you feel when you lost your favorite barrette? or So you felt very sad when the other children didn't let you join in," etc. Children must be assisted in finding ways to express their emotions correctly. (Especially when they are angry or in a rage, you must first wait for them to calm down. Later you can talk about the consequences of their reaction to the event. Finally, you can ask them to consider and tell you whether or not there might be a better way to cope with this problem, or what might be a better and less damaging way of dealing with it. In other words, you help them acquire problem solving skills.) In addition to what was discussed above, for children to overcome their fear: Children should be helped to get used to whatever it is they are afraid of by building their confidence. (For example, if our children are afraid of the sea, we can first get them used to playing on the beach, then by the surf, and later take them on a walk in the shallows.)

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Childrens Emotional Development

In addition to what was discussed above, when children are jealous of their newborn sibling: Before the baby is born, children should be told that a new baby will be joining the family and help them get used to this idea. If children participate in finding a name for the baby and the preparations at home, it will be easier for them to accept the baby. As parents, how can you help your children to express their emotions appropriately? Mothers should set an example for the child with their own behavior. (For example, if we slam doors and throw things when we are very angry, children will learn to express anger in the same way.) When children express their emotions in an inappropriate manner, mothers should not criticize them or make them feel guilty. Instead, they should teach their children what the correct behavior is. Mothers should discuss with their children the consequences of their behavior. Instead of saying, Why did you pull your brothers/sisters hair? Youre still such a baby, you could say, You hurt your brother/sister when you pulled his/her hair; how else could you have taken the pencil in his/her hand? Yes, you could have asked them to give it to you. Children should be acknowledged when they express their emotions in an appropriate manner. How nice, you talked to your brother/sister without pushing him/her away. You told him/her not to mess up your game. What can you do to help children understand other peoples feelings? We need to set an example for our children. We need to help them understand the feelings of other people. For example, when children pull their friends hair, saying, Look, it hurt when you pulled their hair, they felt sad. How would you feel if someone pulled your hair? instead of I am sick of you misbehaving, will help them acquire the skill to understand what other people might feel. We need to acknowledge their behavior when children act in ways that show they understand the feelings of others. For example if children say, A friend from school felt very sad because they lost their cat, it made me feel sad too, you should acknowledge their emotion. Activities you can do at home with your children: You go first and take turns with your children; one person states the name of an emotion and the other person illustrates the emotion with facial expressions and actions. For example: What do we do when we feel angry? We frown. Find pictures of children/women/men that have different facial expressions from newspapers and try to find what they might be feeling.

CHILDRENS RIGHTS BEGIN AT BIRTH: MEET THEIR NEEDS WITH LOVE

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Childrens Emotional Development

HANDOUT 2: GROUP ACTIVITY FOR THE TRAINER

Read the sentences below to the person sitting opposite you, according to the different intonations noted under each sentence. 1. You are so smart. a. Angry 2. You are so funny. a. Sincere

b. Making fun

c. Sincere

b. Sarcastic

c. Angry

3. I understand you well. a. Superficial/insincere b. From the heart/sincere 4. I want you to be hard-working. a. Tersely b. From the heart 5. Would you please allow me? a. Angry b. Kindly 6. You are late. a. Reprimanding

b. Understanding

c. Mocking

d. Worried

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THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY AND ITS CONTRIBUTIONS TO DEVELOPMENT

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: For mothers to learn that children learn through play, For mothers to learn that the games children play change and develop with age, For mothers to learn that play support their childrens physical, cognitive, social and emotional development, For mothers to learn what they have to do to support children during play. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: PLAY ACTIVITIES HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A fruit (tangerine, orange or apple) Paper, pencil. A pebble
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY AND ITS CONTRIBUTIONS TO DEVELOPMENT


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take Home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother to contribute to the discussion. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take-Home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) This week we will discuss the importance of play in childrens lives; play activities according to childrens age; and the ways play activities contribute to childrens development. At the end of our discussion we will talk about the things we can do to support children during play. WHAT IS PLAY? How do your children spend their time? (Listen to the responses.) Children that spend the day at home with their mothers play all day long. Children that go to a kindergarten will play there all day long, and continue to play when they come home. Children that go to school play either before or after they do their homework, both inside and outside the house. Play is an important and necessary activity that enables children to get to know and understand their surroundings, learn new things, and reinforce the learned information and skills. (Write this on the board.) CHILDREN LEARN THROUGH PLAY Children are happy, enthusiastic and attentive while they play. Because they are unafraid of making mistakes while they are playing, they are relaxed and learn during play. Children gain a lot of information about their environment and the world around them, and acquire many skills. Now let us do an activity together. Let us split the group into two. (Ask the mothers to split into two groups. Place an orange or apple or tangerine on the table in front of both groups of mothers.) (Give the below instructions to the mothers in the 1st group.) Group 1: I would like you to just look at the fruit in front of you and tell us its qualities that you can see.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

(Give the below instructions to the mothers in the 2nd group.) Group 2: You can do anything you like to the fruit. You can touch it, smell it, even peel it and eat it. I would also like you to tell us all the characteristics of the fruit. (Tell the mothers that the small group activity will be for 5 minutes; that they can discuss the fruit for 5 minutes. After their discussions are over, ask both groups to share in the large group the characteristics they found.) Which group came up with more characteristics? (Listen to the responses.) The mothers in the first group were able to gain information about the shape and color of the fruit. The mothers in the second group gained information not only on the shape and color of the fruit, they were also able to find out if it had a hard or soft skin by touching it; if it was sweet or sour, if it had pips or not by tasting it; and what kind of smell it had. In conclusion, when children are given the opportunity to play, they acquire information and experience about the material they are playing with by using all their sensory organs, by seeing, touching, tasting, hearing, and smelling it. For example, children that play with rocks at the seaside learn that rocks are hard, that they can be in different shapes and colors, and that they sink when thrown into the water. WHAT IS THE IMPORTANT THING IN CHILDRENS PLAY ACTIVITIES?

I will now read you two examples. Let us examine them both after I am done reading. (Read out loud case study 1 presented below.) Case Study 1: Ali draws a picture with the new colored pencils his mother bought him. His mother looks at the drawing he made. Mother: Ali, you drew a frog and I like it very much, but are frogs supposed to be this color do you think? Ali: Frogs are green. Mother: But you made it purple. What did the mother do? (Listen to the responses.) The mother told the child the frog should not be purple. She evaluated the outcome of the drawing. (Read out loud case study 2 presented below.)

Case Study 2: Ali draws a picture with the new colored pencils his mother bought him. His mother looks at the drawing he made. Mother: Ali, what a pretty picture. What have you drawn in your picture? Ali: "A lake and a frog. Mother: Can you tell me what the frog is doing?" Ali: The frog is swimming in the water. Mother: Where is it going? Ali: It lost its mother and is going to look for her
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

Mother: And which pencils did you use to color the frog? Ali: My colored pencils. What did the mother do? (Listen to the responses.) The mother showed interest in what he did while drawing that picture and evaluated the childs effort. Which mother supported her childs creativity more? Why? (Listen to the responses.) In the first case study the mother said the frog should not be purple, she showed interest only in the outcome of the drawing. When we tell children that the frog should not be purple, from that point on they may begin to think am I using the right color? while they are drawing. They will not be able to think freely as they draw; their creativity will have been restricted. But when we show interest in what the child drew in the picture, when we assess their effort, when we ask questions about what they did while drawing it as was the case in the second case study, children will feel that we are being supportive of their effort, feel encouraged and try to make different pictures. They will think freely in the drawings they are making; they will not restrict themselves and draw whatever they like. So then, what is important to keep in mind about play? (Listen to the responses.) For adults, it is the outcome of what we do that is important. For example, when we are baking a cake, what is important is not how we make it, but for it to rise and taste good. However in play, the important thing is not that children draw a pretty, correct picture, but what they experienced, thought, and feltin other words, their experienceswhile they were drawing that picture. We will have supported creativity in our children when we pay attention to what they experience while playing. CHILDRENS PLAY ACTIVITIES ACCORDING TO AGE

Think about how your children play, did you notice any changes in your childrens play activities as they grew older? (Listen to the responses.) Now let us talk about the kinds of play activities children do at different ages. What kinds of games do children between the ages of 0-3 play? (Listen to the answers, add the information below.) Between the ages of 0-2, children are responsive to sounds, shapes and colors. Children show great interest in colorful mobiles hung over the crib that makes sounds, and bells. When children are able to sit up, they begin to put everything they get their hands on into their mouth, when they begin to walk they like to drop everything they get their hands on, on the floor. They show great interest in toys and colorful balls that bounce and make a sound when they touch the ground. They play with their toys alone. Even if there is another child close by, they will not show an interest in them and continue to play on their own. From the age of 2 onwards, children begin to play side by side with other children but may not communicate much with them. Around the ages of 2-3, children begin to play imaginary play and to imitate the people and events in their environment. In their play activities they pretend to be parents and care for their baby, or become a doctor and care for their patients. They talk to animals or use a stick as a horse, a pot lid as a steering wheel in their play. They make figures by placing blocks side by side or one on top of the other. They can do simple puzzles.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

What kinds of games do children between the ages of 4-6 play? (Listen to the answers, add the information below.) As their bodies develop more and more, children in this age group enjoy games that include playing with a ball, running, jumping, or climbing. They are able to ride a tricycle. Children in this age group represent events and people they observe, through pretend play. Since play becomes more complex during these years, the roles they take on in their games can vary. For example, they can pretend to be a mother or father, a doctor, a carpenter, a grocer, a police officer, a hairdresser, or a pastry vendor. Children enjoy activities that help their hand muscles to develop, such as cutting and pasting, drawing, and coloring pictures. They are able to play with wooden blocks, puzzles, and games like dominos. During this period, boys and girls play different games. Girls prefer to play with dolls and to play house, while boys prefer war games where they use rifles and guns. What kinds of games do children between the ages of 7-9 play? (Listen to the answers, add the information below.) Children begin to play different games once they start school. Children in this age group begin to play games with rules. They play games with rules such as hopscotch, jumping rope, hide-and-seek, basketball, checkers, and bingo. They play charades, play with puzzles and models. Girls in this age group play with girls and boys play with boys. Boys enjoy team games and competitive games more, while girls establish close relationships and play games such as hopscotch, jumping rope, etc. THE CONTRIBUTIONS OF PLAY TO CHILDRENS DEVELOPMENTAL AREAS In short, the games children play change and develop and children themselves develop, and play activities contribute to childrens development. So, how do these play activities support childrens physical, cognitive, social and emotional development? Now let us do a small group activity to initiate discussion on this subject. (Split the mothers into three groups and distribute pen and paper to all groups to make a note of their discussions. Ask for a volunteer reporter for each group. Give the group reporters the case studies they are to read, and ask them to read it out loud to their groups and discuss it. Ask the group reporters to make a note of what the group comes up with.) I will now give all groups a case study each. In these case studies you will hear examples of the games children the same age as your children play. I would like you to listen to these examples and discuss which of childrens developmental areas are supported by the type of play activity described. (The small group activity is to last 10 minutes. Tell the mothers they will discuss their ideas for 10 minutes. Divide the board into three sections, with the headings play with water, playing the grocer, and playing soccer. Write on the board which developmental areas each of these kinds of play support, and how.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

Now I would like each group to share their case studies with the large group. Group 1: (0 to 3 years) Case Study 1: Sinem and Eda are about 2-years-old, they are playing in the garden with the water their mother put in a container for them. They are dipping their toys into the water, taking them back out, and having a great time. Which developmental areas are supported when children play with water? (Ask the group reporter to present the findings of the group. Add anything that is missing by using the information given below.) Physical Development: Dipping toys into water and taking them out again helps childrens hand muscles to develop. Because they are playing outside, they also get vitamin D. Cognitive Development: While children are playing with water and throw their toys into it, they see that some sink, some float and learn about the cause-effect relationships of objects. Learning about the cause-effect relationships between objects during play supports childrens cognitive development. Social Development: Playing together with other children supports their social development. Emotional Development: Children feel happy when they are playing together with water. Childrens feeling happy while they are playing supports their emotional development. Group 2: (3 to 6 years) Case Study 2: After children go to the open air market with their mother, they decide to represent the shopping environment. They set up a green grocer in a corner of the house with the empty containers, fruit and coins found about the house. They agree on their roles. Some of the children are to be customers while Murat says he wants to be the grocer. Murat says to the children, Hello madam/sir, what would you like? All the children state what they want to buy at once. One of the children at the front of the line is angered when the other children push in front of him and says, I was here first, I was going to do shopping first. The other children say, Then lets all get in line and do our shopping taking turns. The children get into a line and do their shopping, paying for the items they purchase. They continue playing by doing more shopping. Which developmental areas are supported when children represent a green gorcer? (Ask the group reporter to present the findings of the group. Add anything that is missing by using the information given below.) Cognitive Development: During this play activity children first set up the green grocer, then they decided on their roles, and played their game in a planned manner by acting out roles of customers and the grocer. Playing the game in a planned manner supports
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

childrens cognitive development. Their communication during play and expressions of their thoughts and emotions supports childrens language development. Social Development: Through this play activity children learned about the profession of selling things, and the responsibilities of a green grocer. Representing various occupation groups and learning about their responsibilities through play supports children's social development. We can take children to the open air market, green grocer, convenience store, supermarket or the hospital to help them learn about the various occupation groups in society. Playing in collaboration with other children, deciding on different roles (one of the children is the grocer and the others are customers), lining up to do their shopping, using verbal expressions such as welcome, have a nice day, and thank you reinforces childrens social skills and supports their social development. Emotional Development: While they were playing, one of the children got angry when the other children push in front of him and expressed his anger by saying, I was here first, I was going to do shopping first. During play, children experience emotions such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and disappointment. This allows them to become acquainted with different emotions and learn to express them as they play. Experiencing different emotions during play and learning to express them supports childrens emotional development. Group 3: (6 to 9 years) Case Study 3: Children huddle up as a team before a game of soccer. Ahmet, the team leader, and his friends talk about how they should play in order to beat the rival team. Ahmet tells the team to follow members of the rival team closely. One of the players says, When the other team has the ball lets try to get it back by charging from the left, from the right, and from behind, and some of us should wait close to the goalpost. The whole team yells, We will win! and goes onto the pitch. They play the game as planned and win. Which developmental areas are supported when children play soccer? (Ask the group reporter to present the findings of the group. Add anything that is missing by using the information given below.) Physical Development: Constantly running and jumping around during a soccer game, using their arm and leg muscles supports childrens physical development. If they are playing outside, they get Vitamin D. Since children run after a ball during soccer, their eye-foot coordination develops. Cognitive Development: Making plans before the game, deciding on tactics, and learning concepts such as left-right; in front of-behind; to the side-to the center during the game supports childrens cognitive development. Social Development: Soccer is a game with rules. Making attempts to play the game according to its rules, playing as a team and collaborating to the same end supports childrens social development. Emotional Development: They learn how it feels to win and to lose. They feel happy when they win and sad when they lose.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

THINGS WE CAN DO TO SUPPORT CHILDRENS PLAY ACTIVITIES

So, what can we do to support childrens play activities? (Listen to the responses.) (Write the underlined sections on the board.) We can set up environments where children can play. We can take children to playgrounds so they can play outdoors. We can set up environments where they can play with other children. We can invite their friends over. We can play and do creative activities together with our children at home, and enjoy our time together. We will talk about the activities we can do at home with our children at the end of our discussion. We should encourage our children to participate in extra-curricular social activities at school, such as basketball, volleyball, folk dancing, or theater. We should be aware that children can get dirty while playing and dress them accordingly. Children should be able to play without worrying that they will get their clothes dirty. We can set aside some of their clothes as clothes for playing. We should talk to children about what they are playing and support their creativity without criticizing them. To support childrens creativity while they are playing, we can talk to them about their play activities and ask them questions that encourage them to think. For example if our children have made a zoo from LEGOs, and we ask them What do we have at this zoo, which animals live here? they will talk about what they have done, feel we are supporting them, feel encouraged and try to create different things. We can buy children toys that fuel their creativity and imagination to play with. Just as the effects of play on childrens development are highly significant, toys are also the most important tools that support childrens physical, cognitive, social and emotional development, and stimulate their creativity and imagination. What points do you look out for when you buy toys for your children? (Listen to the answers.) The toy must be appropriate to the childs age. (Write the underlined section on the board.) Toys that are too simple can make children feel bored, whereas complex ones can cause them to lose self-confidence. For example: A 9-year-old might feel bored while playing with dolls whereas a 3-year-old may lose self-confidence while trying to do a puzzle that is not age-appropriate. What kinds of toys can we buy preschool-aged children? (Listen to the responses.) Because preschool-aged children represent the events and people they observe in their environment, we can buy them toys that will enrich their play. For example, we can buy toy furniture, kitchen utensils and doctors' kits for when they play house. We can purchase wooden blocks, and a pail, a rake and a shovel for them to play with sand. We can also buy art supplies, colored pencils, play dough, age-appropriate LEGOs and puzzles to help develop childrens creativity. To see whether a toy we would like to purchase is suitable for our children, check the age group the toy is meant for (suitable for 3-4 years or for children between 4 and 6 years of age) that is written on the package. When selecting a toy to purchase, we should pay attention to this information.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

What kinds of toys can we buy school-aged children? (Listen to the responses.) Since children are able to play games with rules at this age, we can buy play materials that are both fun and make them think, such as coppit, checkers, and bingo that they can play with other children. To help childrens creativity to develop, we can buy ageappropriate legos, models and puzzles. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) We should allow children to select the toy that want to play with, themselves. The toy selected should help develop their creativity and imagination. Instead of always buying a single kind of toy such as dolls or cars, we can buy Legos that allow children to create different kinds of forms. We can purchase play dough so children can make shapes they want to, or colored pencils so they can draw pictures they want to. We should make sure the toys are hardwearing and durable. If the truck your children like very much breaks after a couple of days, they will feel very sad and might be disappointed. This will also help ensure we do not make unnecessary expenditures. We should make sure the toys we buy are child-safe, and have no sharp and pointed edges. We should not buy children toys that provoke aggressive behavior, such as guns and rifles. We should not purchase different toys for boys and girls. For example, boys can also play with dolls; girls can also play with cars. You can have a good time together with your children with play activities you can do at home. Now let us take a look at the activities you can do together with your children at home.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 2, the Take Home Worksheet). (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) In todays meeting we discussed how important play is for children. We talked about how play contributes to childrens development. After our discussions today, what kinds of activities do you plan on doing with your children to support their play activities? Would you share with us in the next meeting the things you are planning on doing? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing this week on the Take Home Worksheet I distributed, it will be easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY AND ITS CONTRIBUTIONS TO DEVELOPMENT

Game: Play is an important and necessary activity that enables children to get to know and understand their surroundings, learn new things, and reinforce the learned information and skills. How How can we support childrens play activities? Set up the environment. Dress them appropriately. Talk about the play activity. should we choose toys? Age-appropriate toys. Child should choose the toy. It should develop their creativity. It should be sturdy and hardwearing. It should not have sharp edges. No guns and rifles. No discrimination based on gender.

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The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

HANDOUT 1: PLAY ACTIVITIES

Dear Parents, Name of the Play Activity: Finding Countries and Cities on a Map Objective: Get children to learn the places of cities and countries on a map. Age: 8-9 Materials: An atlas Number of people: 2 Find the name of a city on the map and ask the child, for example, Can you find Rize on the map? As they childrens fingers get closer to the city, help them to find it by either applauding or telling them they are getting close-moving away. Continue in this manner until they find the city. After they have found the city, ask them to choose a city on the map and to ask you to find it. Continue playing in this manner. Game: Find a Name-City-Plant-Animal-Country Objective: Get children to learn different names, and the names of various cities, plants, animals and countries. Age: 8-9 Materials: Pencil and paper Number of people: 3-5 people Hold the paper lengthwise. Make five columns and write down name, city, plant, animal and country as their headings. Have one person silently recite the alphabet, and when one of the others says stop, state out loud the letter they stopped at. For example, if the letter they stopped at was E then everyone tries to find a name, a city, a plant, an animal and a country that begins with the letter E. Game: The Lets Remember the Names of Colors Game Objective: Get children to remember the names of different colors. Age: 3-6 years Materials: Colored pencils and paper Number of people: 2 Choose one of the colored pencils. Draw shapes on the sheet of paper with this colored pencil. Show the child your drawings, and then put the piece of paper aside. Next, ask the child to find the same colored pencil and draw their own picture. You can continue the game with different colored pencils. Game: Activity with Matchsticks Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles, Support childrens creativity. Age: 3-9 years Materials: A box of matches with the ends broken off (or toothpicks), glue, sheet of paper, colored pencils or markers. Number of people: 2 Place all the materials in front of the child. Tell them to make any shapes they would like to by using the matches (or toothpicks). After they have made the shapes, ask them to tell you what they did. You can ask them what they might do if they would like the shapes they made to be permanent. After they glue the shapes onto the paper, they can color it as they like. When it is finished, place the picture somewhere your children wish it to be placed.

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The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

Game: Remembering the Shapes of Objects Objective: Get children to remember the shapes of objects. Age: 3-6 years Materials: Objects that are easy to draw such as books, rulers, string, water glasses or plates; sheet of paper and pencil Number of people: 2 Put the objects that are easy to draw such as books, rulers, string, water glasses or plates in front of the child. Next, remove them and put them all in a bag. Ask your child to draw the objects they remember. It is your turn next. Ask the child to place certain objects in front of you. Then, ask them to put these items into a bag. Next, they should ask you to draw what you remember. You can continue playing in this manner. Game: Color Hunt Objective: Get children to learn about colors. Age: 3-6 years Materials: Paper, colored pencils and household items Number of people: 2 Using the colored pencils draw red, blue, green and yellow shapes on the paper and state the names of the colors. Ask the child to repeat the names of the colors. Next, say only the colors of various items in the room and ask your children to find the items that are that color. For example; Can you tell me which items in this room is the color ()? What color is my skirt (are my pants?) Are there any items in this room that is the same color as my skirt (pants)? Which one? What color are the clothes you are wearing? Which items in this room is the same color as your clothes? You can ask similar questions in this vein. Game: Gluing Pictures Objective: Get children classify objects. Age: 3-9 years Materials: Picture magazines, newspapers, scissors, paper and glue. Number of people: 2 Together with the child, cut out pictures of household items, animals, foods, transportation vehicles and sports from picture magazines and newspapers. Ask your children to sort these pictures into groups and glue them onto pieces of paper. For example, the child may glue the animal pictures on one sheet, and pictures of food on another sheet of paper. Suggestion: You can draw a large house and place household items in the house, or draw a large cage and place the animals into the cage. Game: The Paper-Chain Game Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles. Age: 3-9 years Materials: The paper-chain activity sheet, scissors, scotch tape or glue. Number of people: 2 people Place the paper-chain activity sheet in front of your children and ask them to cut these shapes out. Ask them what they need to do in order to turn these pieces of paper into rings. After they have glued the ends of one strip of paper, give another strip to them. They can thread this strip of paper through the ring they made, then glue its ends again
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The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

and make as many rings as they like in the same manner. After they have connected the rings, ask them what they would like to do with them. Game: Recognize the Shape Game Objective: Get children to recognize geometric shapes. Age: 3-6 years Materials: Pencil, cardboard, scissors, colored pencils Number of people: 2 Draw a rectangle, a square, a triangle and a circle on the cardboard. Ask the child to color these shapes and color they like. After the coloring work is done, cut these shapes out. State the names of these geometric shapes to the child one by one. Ask the child to repeat the names of these shapes after you. Shuffle the shapes you cut out and take turns asking each other the questions below: Which Which Which Which one one one one is is is is the the the the rectangle? square? triangle? circle?

rectangle

square

triangle

circle

Game: Lets Make a Picture Mosaic Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles. Support childrens creativity. Age: 3-9 Materials: Cardboard, pencil, colored construction paper, scissors, glue Number of people: 2 Place all the materials in front of the child. Ask the child to draw a picture on the cardboard. After the picture is complete, ask them what they did to make that drawing. They can color the pictures they drew by spreading glue on them and affixing small pieces of the colored construction paper they cut up. Game: Collage of Emotions Objective: Get children to learn about emotions. Age: 3-9 Materials: Paper, pencil, facial expressions cut out from picture magazines Number of people: 2 Together with your children cut out various facial expressions from picture magazines that reflect different emotions. On a large sheet of paper, draw a happy face, a sad face and an angry face in three separate columns. Have the child match the facial expression in the picture they are holding with the appropriate emotion. While they are matching the emotions, ask them about the facial expression in their hand. (How does the face in your hand look? Is it a happy face, a sad face, or an angry face? etc.)

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The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

Game: Potato Prints Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles. Age: 3-9 Materials: Potatoes, water colors Number of people: 2 Cut the potatoes neatly in half. Draw a shape on each half of the potatoes with a knife, and then carve away the parts around the shape so that it is protruding. Dip the shape in water colors, and then press it onto paper to make prints. Game: Macaroni Bracelets and Necklaces Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles Support childrens creativity. Age: 3-9 Materials: Macaroni that has holes in the center, water colors and string Number of people: 1 Place all the materials in front of the child. Ask the child to color the macaroni any color they like. Ask them what they can do to make bracelets and necklaces. After the child has thread the macaroni beads onto the string, tell them they can give these necklaces and bracelets as presents. Game: What is in the Box Objective: Get children to differentiate among objects according to the sounds they make. Age: 3-6 Materials: A non-transparent container or box, some rice kernels, pebbles and buttons Number of people: 2 Show the child these materials and allow them to touch and examine them. Next, tell them to turn around. Put one of these materials into a non-transparent container and move the others out of sight. Ask the child to guess what is in the container based on the sound it makes when the container is shaken. Continue playing the game with the other materials. Game: Recognizing Sounds Objective: Get children to learn about sounds. Age: 6-9 Materials: Pencil and paper Number of people: 2 Start reciting the alphabet out loud starting with the letter A, and ask the child to say stop at some point. Draw the picture of an object that begins with the letter you were at when the child said stop. For instance, if you stopped at the letter S draw a star, is you stopped at the letter T draw a telephone, and ask the child to draw another object that starts with an S or a T. You can continue playing the game by determining letters in the same manner.

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The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

Game: World of Bubbles Objective: Help children to understand the cause-effect relationship between objects (water and detergent). Age: 3-9 Materials: Half a glass of water, liquid detergent or powdered soap, a straw, an empty spool of thread, or a wire that has been bent in a circle on one end Number of people: 2 Put some water in a plastic glass and add two drops of liquid detergent of some powdered soap. Tell the child they can make bubbles from the soapy water using a straw, an empty spool of thread, or a wire that has been bent in a circle on one end. Game: Dressing the Doll Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles. Age: 3-9 Materials: Dressing the doll activity sheet, scissors, colored pencils, cardboard and glue Place the dressing the doll activity sheet, colored pencils and the scissors in front of the child. Allow the child to color the children in the pictures and their clothes any way they like. Tell them the children in the picture want to put their clothes on, and ask what they can do to help. After your children have cut out the clothes and dressed the children in the picture, ask them which clothes they dressed the dolls in. After your children have dressed the dolls, tell them they are free to glue them onto a piece of cardboard. Game: Find the Picture by Connecting the Dots Objective: Get children to practice eye-hand coordination. Age: 6-7 Materials: Find the picture by connecting the dots activity sheet, regular pencil and colored pencils Place the find the picture by connecting the dots activity sheet in front of the child. Say, Look, when you connect these numbers in order, you will come up with a shape. While the child is connecting the numbers, you can ask, What shape do you think you are going to find? When the numbers have been connected, ask them about the picture that was revealed. Allow children to color that picture any color they like. Game: Find the Picture by Connecting the Dots Objective: Get children to practice eye-hand coordination. Age: 8-9 Materials: Find the picture by connecting the dots activity sheet, regular pencil and colored pencils Place the find the picture by connecting the dots activity sheet in front of the child. Say, Look, when you connect these numbers in order, you will come up with a shape. While the child is connecting the numbers, you can ask, What shape do you think you are going to find? When the numbers have been connected, ask them about the picture that was revealed. Allow children to color that picture any color they like.

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The Importance Of Play And Its Contrbutons To Development

Game: Play Dough Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles Support childrens creativity. Age: 3-9 years Materials: Two cups flour, one cup salt, some water, a tablespoon of colored whitewash paint Number of people: 2 Combine the flour and the salt to make the play dough. Add water until the dough is smooth and elastic. If you want to make the dough colorful, you can add powdered paint to it. Put the dough into a plastic bag and store it in the refrigerator. Take it out and keep it at room temperature a little while before it will be used. Children can make anything they like with the dough. Game: Find the Hidden Picture Objective: To support the development of childrens hand muscles Age: 3-9 Materials: Find the hidden picture activity sheet, colored pencils Place the find the hidden picture activity sheet in front of the child. Say, Look, here we have a hidden picture. Lets try to find what that hidden picture is. Find the shapes that have a dot (.) in them and color them blue. Find the shapes that have a cross (X) in them, and color them green. Find the shapes that have a square (*) in them, and color them red. Find the shapes that have a triangle (_) in them, and color them yellow. What was the hidden picture a picture of? A boat, the sun, and the sea. Game: Mosaic Objective: Support the development of childrens hand muscles. Support childrens creativity. Age: 3-9 Materials: Cardboard, red and green lentils in separate bowls, rice kernels, beans, grain-shaped pasta (orzo) and vermicelli, glue Number of people: 2 Place all the materials in front of the child. Ask the child to draw a picture on the cardboard. After the picture is complete, ask them what they did to make that drawing. They can then spread glue on the figures in their picture and glue these items onto their picture.

CHILDREN LEARN AND DEVELOP THROUGH PLAY, SO ALLOW THEM TO PLAY

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FIND THE HIDDEN PICTURE

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FIND THE PICTURE BY CONNECTING THE DOTS

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PAPER-CHAIN GAME

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NEGATIVE METHODS IN DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Show mothers how they were affected by their parents negative behavior toward them while they were growing up, Illustrate how these behaviors presently influence their own child-rearing practices, Get mothers to figure out the child-rearing practices they currently use. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CHILD ABUSE HANDOUT 2: THE HARMS OF BEATING AND PUNISHMENT HANDOUT 3: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

NEGATIVE METHODS IN DISCIPLINING CHILDREN


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take Home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheets the mothers filled out.) From the time their children are still in the womb, parents feel anxious and excited about child-rearing. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will s/he be born healthy and grow strong? What kind of person will s/he become? Will s/he achieve good grades? Who will s/he resemble? Will I be able to raise the child of my dreams? What must I do? How must I act? Attempting to look for answers to these questions by ourselves can cause us to feel anxious, even helpless. Today, let us go back to our childhood and try to remember those days, especially how our parents treated us. Do you remember an incident from your childhood where you were punished or reprimanded for something you did? (Ask the mothers.) Try to remember an incident where your parents treated you in a way that you did not like, did not enjoy; that offended or saddened you. (Ask the questions below in a calm voice and slowly, as a means of guiding the mothers. Stop briefly after each question and allow them time to think, and then continue.) In that incident, meaning the incident that saddened you, offended you and made you feel bad; What was it that your parents did that you did not like? Why did you dislike this behavior of your parents? If you were punished, what did you feel toward the person that punished you? Did you want to repeat the unapproved behavior that garnered such a reaction? Did you repeat it? What did you feel when you were being punished? (Give them some time to think.) (Important warning: You may want to offer some personal examples. This will strengthen your relationships with the mothers. Those who wish to may share their memories. If the mothers do not wish to share what they remembered, do not force them to by any means. The objective here is for mothers to become aware of what they are feeling. If any of the mothers do wish to share their memories, you can name their emotions using the emotions listed below.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

This means; You thought they did not love you. You thought nobody cared for you. You thought you were treated unfairly. You felt alone and abandoned. You persistently wanted to repeat that behavior. You were so scared that you felt simply awful ... etc. What we experienced a little earlier shows that although we may currently have overcome all these emotions, our parents negative behaviors toward us can cause us to feel bad. We feel simply awful when we are not cared about; when the things we do are not accepted; when we think we are unloved. Today we may think that our parents behaved that way to educate us and raise us better, but did we think like that when we were children? Of course our parents did not behave in such ways to make us feel sad or to be mean. Back then, they thought that children could only be educated and disciplined through criticism, through an authoritative parenting style. Instead of blaming our parents, we need to think about how we should treat our own children. So, do we inadvertently treat our children in ways that our parents treated us and we disliked when we were children? (Wait for the mothers responses.) So, when our children behave in ways we do not want them to or dislike, we are capable of reacting to them in ways we ourselves did not want to be treated in the past. Our reactions to behavior we disapprove of in our children can also vary at times. Sometimes we are more tolerant, and sometimes we are more impatient and harsh. There are many reasons why we react differently. For example, the place where the behavior occurs; our mood that day; the childs age, personality and similarity/dissimilarity to us can all influence our attitude. For instance, when children spill their food at home we do not get angry, but if they do the same thing at the neighbors, we do. In other words, our behavior can vary depending on the environment. When we are in a good mood we tolerate it when our children mess up the house, but we do not allow them to do so when we are in a bad mood. So, our mood can also influence our behavior. In other words, the limits to our acceptance of our childrens behavior (our patience) are closely related to the emotions we are experiencing as we witness the behavior and the environment we are in. Have any of you experienced anything similar? (Listen to the answers.) Now let us examine parental behaviors with a number of examples. Let us see how these behaviors affect childrens development. I need a volunteer for this exercise. (Once a volunteer is determined, give her the text below to read. Ask her to assume the role of the child. You take on the role of the mother.) Role Play: Five-year-old Zeynep goes through and messes up her mothers drawers while she plays house. Mother: How many times have I told you not to go through my drawers while you are playing? This is not a first, I am sick of it. Zeynep: But Mom, I want to dress like you when I play house. Mother: (Raises her voice.) What do you gain from dressing like me? All you do is irritate me. When you go over to Denizs, do you mess up their house? But Deniz
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

listens to her mother, too bad I dont have a daughter like that. I really dont like you when you act like this. Zeynep: (Begins to cry and withdraws to a corner of the room.) Now let us all think together; how did the mother behave in this example? (Listen to the groups responses. Information is provided below to help you summarize the responses that come up during the group discussion.) Yes, Zeyneps mother never told her why Zeynep should not go through her things, she just yelled at her. She compared Zeynep to a friend and told her she did not like her. In a case like this, how would you feel if you were Zeynep? (Listen to the responses.) Yes, Zeynep might think, My mother likes Deniz more than she likes me, nobody loves me anyway;" or I didnt mean to make Mom angry, I only wanted to be a mom while I was playing house. Zeynep may believe that her mother does not love her, she may feel very alone. Being compared to her friends may cause her to develop feelings of jealousy and she may think Am I not as good as my friends? Her self-confidence may suffer when her own mother admires her friend. Her self-confidence may weaken because her emotional needs such as love and tolerance are not being met. In the example above, the reasons for why she should not go through her mothers things or wear her mothers clothes is not explained to the child. When, as it is the case in this example, what is right and what is wrong is not explained to children, their moral development may be negatively affected as a result. Role Play: Eight-year-old Ahmet was not able to get the grade he was aiming for on his math exam, and feels bad about it. When he arrives at home, his mother meets him at the door, asking him how his exam went. (The group leader gives the below text to a volunteer mother. The group leader assumes the role of the mother, the mother takes on the role of the child and they act out this skit.) Mother: How was your exam? What did you get? Were the questions easy? Ahmet: Umm, Mom... Mother: Were the questions on topics you knew? Stop mumbling son, speak. Ahmet: Mom, umm, the questions were hard, I knew the subject but... Mother: You couldnt do it again, could you? I am sick of you, of your laziness. You will never amount to anything. (She criticizes him very harshly.) Just wait till your father gets home. Ahmet: But Mom youre not listening to me (begins to cry), I knew most of the questions but I couldnt finish the exam, there was not enough time. I wont fail but it didnt work out as I expected. Mother: (Suddenly softens.) You should have told me properly so that I understand you. Ahmet: But you were so angry with me just then...(continues to cry.) Mother: All our work was for nothing once again. I want you to be the best in your class. You want for nothing. You have to be the most perfect child among all your friends.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

How did the mother act in this example? (Listen to the mothers and add anything that is missing.) Yes, his mother interrogated Ahmet. She judged him before she knew the exact outcome. She did not listen to Ahmet and threatened him. Also, when she said Ahmet had to be the best in his class, had to be perfect, her expectations may have surpassed her son's capacity. How would you feel if you were Ahmet? (Listen to the responses.) My mother wont listen to me, I must not be important to her. She may no longer love me because I didnt get the grade she wanted me to. I just can never be the son my mother wants. I must be stupid. I worked so hard but still, just couldnt do it, may be some of the thoughts he has; he may feel guilty. Also, when frightened with threats like Just wait till your father gets home, when an authoritative parenting style is used, his self-confidence could weaken or his relationship with his father might suffer. Role Play: Seven-year-old Dilek and her parents go out on the weekend. But Dilek asks that everything she sees be bought for her. (The group leader gives the below text to two volunteer mothers. The group leader assumes the role of the child, the volunteer mothers take on the role of the mother and the father, and they act out this skit.) Dilek: (Points to the window of the toy store.) Dad, my friend has that toy and I want it too, I really like it. Father: Alright honey. Mother: But this is a very expensive toy. Dilek: Dad please, I want it. Father: Alright dearest. (He turns to the mother.) Honey, we only have one daughter, lets not make her sad. Dilek: I want it, I want it... (Shortly, they pass by a bakery.) Dilek: I want chocolate cake. Mother: You just had ice cream; you are going to get an upset stomach. We have chocolate cookies at home. Dilek: I want cake. Father: Alright honey. (He turns to his wife.) Never mind, lets get some cake so she doesnt carry on. Mother: I just cant understand you. Now you do everything she asks, but later you scold her for the tiniest thing. How did the father behave in this example? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, just to prevent the child from carrying on he was very patient and bought everything his daughter asked for, in other words he was excessively tolerant, but according to the mother he scolds her at times as well, meaning he can sometimes be inconsistent. Excessive tolerance can cause children to become spoilt and prevent them from maturing. Children that grow up in inconsistent environments are usually unable to discern how to behave when and where, they can become confused. When children act in ways that we disapprove or wish to change, we try to use the discipline methods we consider to be right or saw in our own families. The methods we use are mainly determined by our own family values and what we observe in our surroundings. We all have certain attitudes and values specific to ourselves and our families. Sometimes we take our parents or a relative as our role model, and sometimes we
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

learn from what we see on TV, what we read from newspapers and books, and what we observe from people in our environment. Moreover, socially accepted attitudes and behaviors that are also expressed in proverbs can determine our parenting methods as well. For example, because traditional ways of behavior such as Corporal punishment is from heaven, [His/her] Flesh is yours, bones are mine, Strict discipline is necessary at home, otherwise they will walk all over you, Children should be afraid of their fathers, and Parents must hold the reins, are socially accepted, some parents use them as part of an oppressive child-rearing style. But in environments where children are raised with an authoritarian style, they have no freedom and a strict system of upbringing is practiced. Usually punishment is in the forefront in this system and adults make the decisions. Children are expected to adhere to rules that have not been explained to them. As we also discussed in the case studies, discipline methods practiced with punishment generally result in children experiencing negative emotions such as anger, resistance, insecurity and feelings of guilt. As we also saw in the example above, sometimes parents create environments that are the exact opposite of what we defined as an authoritative parenting style. In such environments, everything children do is tolerated. Parents accept whatever children want and do. In such environments although it may appear as though there are no problems at home, childrens endless demands can push parents limits and the environment of infinite tolerance turns into one where harsh punishment is applied. This means that both excessive tolerance and harsh punishments (inconsistent behavior) can cause children to experience inconsistencies. Children cannot understand whether their actions are approved or disapproved of. For example, if a certain behavior is accepted by the father but not by the mother, children can experience internal conflicts. So, what do you do when your children act in ways you do not want them to, or that you dislike? How do you react? (Listen to the answers.) Can you give me a few examples of how your children infuriate you? (Listen to the answers.) For example: Although you have told them countless times, they dont sit down to their homework until you tell them to, They always leave their things in a mess, Although you remind them all the time, they never wash their hands after they play in the garden/at the playground. And what do you do when you are infuriated, how do you act? (Or mothers may offer different examples.) (Listen to the mothers and write their answers on the board, grouping them as corporal punishment and non-corporal punishment.) (After writing down the mothers answers, add anything that is missing from the different kinds of punishment presented below.) Yes, physical punishment includes hitting the hands, feet or other parts of the body, giving a few violent shakes/pushes, pulling their ear, slapping them, pinching them or beating them. Emotional punishment includes verbal scorn, love withdrawal, reprimanding, frightening, threatening, making fun of, belittling, criticizing, blaming, cursing, not talking to, ignoring, commanding, comparing and contrasting children that negatively impact childrens development. Now let us discuss whether or not beating and punishment works. Are you able to prevent your children from behaving in ways you do not want them to by beating them or using corporal punishment? When you use this kind
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

of punishment, do children stop acting in undesired ways? How long does the punishment result in the outcome you desire? (Ask the questions one at a time and listen to the answers.) Yes, as you also agree, children perhaps do not repeat that behavior for a while, but when the punishment is forgotten the behavior can be repeated. How do you think children feel when they are beaten? (Listen to the mothers.) They feel physical pain. They feel very sad about having been spanked by the person they love and value the most. They may feel humiliated and helpless for having been beaten by someone so much stronger than they are. They may lose trust in themselves and their environment. Children who think they will be beaten whenever they do something wrong can be afraid, timid, fearful. Because they will not have learned how to resolve their problems through communication, they may resort to violence and be aggressive when they encounter a problem. They may use the same method toward people that are younger or weaker than they are. When children are beaten as a result of some undesired behavior they will feel they have gotten even and consider it their right to repeat that behavior. They may lie in order to avoid a beating. And how do you think the developmental areas of children that grow up in such an environment will be affected? (Listen to the mothers responses.) As we discussed in our first meeting, childrens development is impacted by the environment, especially during the preschool period. Now, if we think about the results of corporal punishment, children that have been made to feel sad, whose self-confidence has been weakened, who feel belittled may experience certain setbacks in personality development. For example, they way express their anger through aggressive behavior. In other words, their emotional development may be affected. Because their sense of inner control has not developed, they may act aggressive when their parents are not around. In other words, their moral development may be affected. Children that grow up in environments where physical punishment is the norm (stress that there may be exceptions) usually grow up to be adults with an underdeveloped sense of responsibility, lacking in inner control, or on the contrary, adults that are easily impressionable and accept everything. As we said a little earlier, we sometimes try to prevent and change undesired behaviors of our children not through corporal punishment but via hurtful actions. These actions are instances of emotional punishment and have a negative effect on childrens development. Verbal scorn: We will have verbally scorned the child if we said, Come on, you idiot! or Are you stupid? Love withdrawal: For example, If you upset me I wont love you any more; I will become someone elses mother. Scolding: For example, What kind of child are you, I am so sick and tired of you.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

Frightening: For example, Ill leave you and go, or Ill give you to the gypsies. "Ill take you to the doctor for a shot. Threatening: For example, Just wait till I tell your father tonight, then youll get it. Dont come home if you have an F on your report card. Making fun of, belittling: For example, Youre a fatso, or Youre going to win? Dont make me laugh." Big baby. Criticizing, blaming: For example, You just cant eat without spilling it all over you. I was so embarrassed by your mess when our guests arrived. Cursing: For example, God damn you. I hope you lose an eye. I hope you break your hand. Ceasing communication: For example, Dont call me Mom again, I am not talking with you. Ignoring: For example, Do as you please, see if I care. Commanding: For example, You will be in bed by 8 PM. Dont wear white shoes with that dress. Dont speak so loud. Comparing: For example, Why cant you just be like your sister? Look at Orhan, does he ever upset his mother? So when we get angry with our children, when we run out of patience, we sometimes punish them verbally as well. Have you ever thought about what you are actually telling children when you say these things? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, when children constantly hear words to this effect they may think they can not do anything right and lose confidence in themselves; they may think their parents do not love them; they may become easily frightened, timid and shy; or just the opposite, they may rebel against everything and act aggressively. Threats that aim the emotions can have a negative effect on childrens overall development. For example, it could be difficult to leave a child with someone else when you have errands to run, or when the time comes to start school, if the child has an instilled fear that their mother will leave them. Children that are constantly criticized can be afraid of making mistakes with every step they take. They may obey prohibitions without questioning them. Be it physical or emotional punishment, all the behaviors we discussed up to now that could prevent the positive progress of childrens development are called child abuse. (Distribute and go over Handout 1.) Today we examined what could happen if there are no rules when we are raising our children, meaning when we are excessively tolerant; when we act inconsistently; or when we apply rules too strictly. We discussed the two different approaches parents use in response to their childrens behaviors, and their effect on children. The question of having rules at home or not and how these rules are established are as important as how these rules are applied in the family setting. Now let us all consider these questions. Are there rules that bring order to your family environment? What kinds of rules are they? Did your children contribute to the establishment of these rules? Is there anything we can do instead of punishing our children to ensure these rules are adhered to? (Listen to the mothers.) All households have their own order, and an understanding of order. This understanding of order determines approved and disapproved actions in line with the values, thought systems and behaviors of a given family. As is the case for all members of a given
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

family, certain behaviors are expected of children as well. For example: Rules about what time to return home may be before it gets dark in some families, whereas this rule might be more flexible in others. Similarly, there may be differences in rules about dinner time. Each household has its own rules. The important thing is not what these rules are, but how these rules were determined and how they are taught to the child. Household rules help children manage and control their behaviors. The important thing is to cooperate with children in setting and applying the rules. Child rearing is the means to show children how to behave in well-adjusted, responsible and respectful ways, and provide them with opportunities to develop their personality and skills to their highest potential. Discipline aims to teach children desired behaviors and habits within the context of certain specific rules. In the coming weeks we will discuss points to look out for when teaching your children these rules. Plan and sharing: (Distribute and go over Handout 2. Distribute the take home worksheet to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) Today we talked about the negative discipline methods and parenting styles used in child-rearing. Which of your childrens behavior would you consider bringing an end to without getting angry with them or punishing them? This week I would like you to put yourself in your childrens place; how might they feel when you beat or punish them? Would you like to think about it? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing in the take home worksheet, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
NEGATIVE METHODS IN DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

Negative methods: Physical punishment: Beating Emotional punishment: Verbal scorn Scolding Frightening Threatening Mocking Belittling Cursing Ceasing communication Locking up in a room Ignoring Commanding Comparing Love withdrawal

Does not work harms the relationship has a negative effect on personality

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Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

HANDOUT 1: CHILD ABUSE


Dear Parents, Actions that aim to harm children and prevent their overall development are called CHILD ABUSE. Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual or economic. The most blatant example of PHYSICAL ABUSE is CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. Children can suffer physical abuse not only at home but at school or the workplace, their bodily health could suffer. EMOTIONAL ABUSE is belittling, frightening and threatening children; pushing them to criminal behavior, leaving them alone and withdrawing love from them. SEXUAL ABUSE is when adults use children for sexual stimulation and satisfaction. Actions that violate the ban on sexual relations between people that are blood relatives or who are banned from marrying one another are called INCEST. ECONOMIC ABUSE is forcing children to work in jobs that prevent their development, violate their rights or at low wages. Child labor and the rules of apprenticeship have been established by legislation. Actions delineated under the headings above are CRIMINAL OFFENCES.

WHAT TO DO IF A CASE OF ABUSE COMES TO OUR ATTENTION? Prevention of child abuse is one of the obligations of the state. Abuse is defined as the behaviors deemed criminal offences by law. The District Attorney must be petitioned in the case of abuse. The petition can be done by anyone. If it is necessary to take the child into custody immediately, contact the SOCIAL SERVICES AND CHILD PROTECTION AGENCY and the OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR. Social Services General Directorate (Ankara): Phone: 0312/229 35 51 - 52

This document was prepared by Isik Umur, Attorney at Law, of the Childrens Rights Commission of the Istanbul Bar Association.

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Negative Methods in Disciplining Children

HANDOUT 2: THE HARMS OF BEATING AND PUNISHMENT


Dear Parents, Many people use the word discipline as a synonym for punishment, but this is an incorrect approach. The objective of child rearing is not to intimidate and correct children through punishment. Our aim is to teach children well-adjusted, responsible and respectful ways of behavior; support the healthy development of their personality; and help them develop a conscientious personality where they look out for both their own rights and the rights of others. Beating and punishment (to verbally scorn, withhold love, scold, frighten, threaten, tease and humiliate, curse, stop all communication, ignore, lock up in the basement/attic, etc.) both prevent children from developing inner control, and have a negative impact on personality development. Why does spanking or punishing children negatively impact inner control and the developmental areas? 1. If children are spanked when they misbehave, this will mean they have paid for what they have done. They receive a spanking before having had an opportunity to think about the unwanted behavior. They cannot know why that behavior was wrong. They were not given an opportunity to fix what they did, to think about the negative consequences of that action. In such cases, children think they can repeat that behavior and do. 2. Children that have been spanked feel anger towards their parents. Instead of understanding that what they did was wrong and feeling angry with themselves, they feel anger toward and blame the person that beat them. 3. Children are weaker and less powerful than their parents. Receiving a spanking from someone stronger than they are embarrasses them, and causes them to lose confidence in their environment and themselves. 4. Children imitate their parents and as a result learn to resolve problems through physical aggression and brutal force. They beat up the people that anger them. In short, physical punishment teaches children not to develop a conscience, but to be aggressive. Children that are accustomed to being spanked cannot resolve disagreements with others verbally; they also turn to beating and violence instead. 5. Children can choose to lie in order to avoid a beating. Children whose behaviors are always remote controlled, who are not made to think about their disapproved actions, who receive no explanations cannot control their actions when their parents are not around. They will feel the need for constant supervision of their actions. But we want our children to not behave in ways we disapprove of or do not accept even when we are not there. This is only possible if children can control their own actions. This is called inner control. Inner control is established through convincing children that behaviors we disapprove of are wrong and making them regret having acted in that manner.

BEATING AND PUNISHMENT DOES NOT DISCIPLINE CHILDREN; THEY HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON CHILDRENS DEVELOPMENT

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FACTORS THAT DETERMINE WHETHER WE ACCEPT BEHAVIORS OR NOT

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Stress what behavior and interpretation are, and the difference between them, Show that the same behavior can be interpreted differently by two different people, Illustrate that the same person can interpret the same behavior differently under different circumstances (state of mind, environment, people in that environment, characteristics of the child), Inform mothers as to what they can do to be able to accept their childrens behavior more easily, Assist mothers to get to know themselves better. HANDOUT: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Factors that Determine Whether We Accept Behaviors or Not

FACTORS THAT DETERMINE WHETHER WE ACCEPT BEHAVIORS OR NOT


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother to contribute to the discussion. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take Home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) If we were to pay attention to our actions we would see that in our relationship with our childrenor anyone elsethere are times when our responses to their behavior differ even though the behavior is the same. Our responses to other peoples behaviors are sometimes positive and sometimes negative; sometimes we are patient and sometimes we are impatient and harsh. While we may accept certain behaviors of our child, we may not accept others. In our meeting this week let us try to talk about how we act toward our children. Let us figure out together the factors that influence whether we accept childrens behaviors or not. To this end, let us first discuss what behavior actually is. Can you give me some examples of your childrens behaviors; what do your children do throughout the day? (Listen to the responses.) They run around, play, watch TV, eat, spill their food, do their homework, dont do their homework, cry, sleep As your examples also show, behavior is what we observe our children do. And we interpret some behaviors according to what we think. If our children are running around the house we say they are being naughty, if they are doing their homework we call them hardworking. If they spill their food we call them incompetent. If they spill their toys all over the floor just as we finish tidying up their room we say they are inconsiderate, but if they help us clean we call them clever boy/girl. These are not behaviors; they are our interpretations of our childrens behavior. Interpretations are what we think about our childrens behavior. We attribute meaning to our childrens behavior for various reasons. And based on this meaning, we accept some of our childrens behavior and reject others. Which of your childrens behavior do you find acceptable, can you give us some examples? (Listen to the responses.) And which of their behaviors do you find unacceptable? (Listen to the responses.) For instance, who among you find it acceptable for children to play in the street, and who does not? (Listen to the answers, you can come up with more examples, when

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Factors that Determine Whether We Accept Behaviors or Not

mothers state they would or would not accept a certain behavior and why, you can say that today you will be discussing these reasons.) As you can see, some of you accept a given behavior, and some of you do not. In other words, our acceptance of certain events varies based on different reasons. A behavior that one of us finds acceptable may be considered unacceptable by someone else due to a completely different reason. We all have different qualities, and we all think differently. As a result, people all react differently to different events. We may at times even not accept a certain behavior we usually do accept, due to various reasons. For example, are there not instances where your children come up to you and say, My friends mom lets him play in the street but you dont, or Other parents buy their children everything they ask for but you never buy me anything? This shows that the same behavior can be accepted by one mother and not accepted by another. Can you give me any examples of behaviors that you find acceptable but that others do not, similar to what we just talked about? (Listen to the responses.) Sometimes a mother may not accept a behavior that she usually does accept; or she may accept a behavior she usually does not accept. What influences our acceptance of a behavior at times and non-acceptance of the same behavior at others; let us talk about that via examples. There are three factors that influence our acceptance of a behavior at given times but not at others. I. The Mothers State of Mind: Let us say you do not like it when your children listen to music at home with the volume up high; in other words you find this behavior unacceptable. But one day, you unexpectedly receive a large amount of money that will greatly relieve your household budget. Would you overlook your childrens desire to listen to music with the volume turned up high that day; in other words, would you accept that behavior? (Listen to the responses.) Let us talk about another example; you have nothing against your children bringing their friends home, you welcome it even because it keeps your children occupied, but one day you received word that your mother was very ill; what do you think, would it be acceptable for you that day if your children brought all their friends home? (Listen to the responses.) What influenced your acceptance of the behavior in these examples, why did your responses change? (Listen to the responses.) Yes, your state of mind was different. In the first example, happiness due to the large amount of money that came into your household, and in the second example, illness related sadness prevented you from acting as you normally would. Can you offer similar examples of behaviors that you would normally not accept but could do so on a good day, depending on your state of mind? (Listen to the responses, repeat the offered examples in this format: Depending on her state of mind that day, Mrs. accepts the behavior when she feels but does not accept it when she feels )

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Factors that Determine Whether We Accept Behaviors or Not

And the opposite, what are some behaviors that you normally accept but would not accept under extraordinary condition, on a bad day? (Listen to the answers; if no examples are forthcoming, continue with the example below.) You always enjoy spending time at the dinner table with your child. You like it that they eat slowly and chat with you as they are eating. But that day you are feeling under the weather, you are very tired and would like to clear the table as soon as possible; would you accept or reject the idea of procrastinating at the table? (Listen to the responses.) So, we are the ones that determine the differences in our behaviors. In other words, our state of mind determines our behaviors. The positive or negative emotions we are experiencing at that moment, being healthy or ill, happy or sad, tired or energetic will determine our behavior. The first factor is: our state of mind. (Write this on the board.) II. The environment: II.a) Circumstances of the environment Would you overlook your children rummaging through drawers, hopping and jumping around at home or while you are visiting? (Listen to the responses.) Would you find it acceptable when they play ball in the house or when they play ball in the garden? (Listen to the responses.) So what is it that causes us to behave differently in this case? (Listen to the mothers; get them to find the answer.) In the house or the in the garden, at home or while visiting; what is it that is different? Yes, as you also said, the environment is different. (Write this on the board.) Our acceptance or rejection of our childrens behavior can also depend on the environment we are in. The conditions of the environment; even the temperature, humidity and level of noise in that environment are factors which affect our behavior. These types of differences in the environment can push us to not accept certain behaviors we normally would accept. II.b) People in the environment Sometimes the people in the environment can also play a role. For example, would you accept it if your children brought all their toys into the living room when you had guests over, or when you were alone at home? (Listen to the responses.) Or when you go out shopping; would you accept it if your children tried to get you to buy various things when their father is with you, or your friends? (Listen to the responses.) Having guests and friends in our environment, or in other words people in our environment (Write this on the board) such as your mother-in-law, neighbors, friends, close or distant acquaintances can all influence how we assess different behaviors. We said there were three important factors that influenced our acceptance of childrens behavior at certain times but not at others. The first factor was our state of mind; another one is the environment we are in and the people in it. The third factor is the characteristics of our children/the person we are interacting with. III. Characteristics of our children/the person we are interacting with: III.a) The Childs Age Since it is the only time all family members can be together, dinner time is very important to you and you try to make sure everyone is at the table in time for dinner. When the table is ready and you call your children to dinner, would you accept it if your 4-year-old or your 12-year-old did not come to the table? (Get the answer from the mothers.)
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Factors that Determine Whether We Accept Behaviors or Not

Would you accept it if your 2-year-old or your 10-year-old did not wash their hands after dinner? (Get the answer from the mothers.) Do you sometimes say But s/he is so young, about your younger child but interpret your older childs behavior as laziness or being a dirty boy/girl? So the childs age (write this on the board) can also cause us to interpret a certain behavior in different ways. In other words, it determines whether or not we accept the behavior. III.b) The Childs Gender Would you find it acceptable for your 18-year-old son or your 18-year-old daughter to come home late at night? (Listen to the responses.) Would you find it acceptable for your daughter or your son to put on your make up during play? (Listen to the responses.) So, childrens gender also plays an important role in whether or not we accept their behavior. (Write this on the board.) III.c) Childrens bodily constitutions, thoughts and feelings differ from those of their parents The fact that childrens bodily constitutions, thoughts and feelings differ from ours can also determine whether or not we accept their behavior. (Write this on the board.) For example let us think about a mother who gets cold very easily and insists on dressing her children whenever she feels cold. What do you think this insistence demonstrates? (Listen to the responses.) It shows that the mother does not accept that her children have bodies, thoughts and emotions separate from her own. In other words, the mother does not accept that her children are individuals in their own right. Think about the past. Did any of you experience conflicts with your parents for having qualities different from theirs? Were your parents insistent, how would you feel when they insisted on something? (Listen to the examples.) Children that are forced to do something feel annoyed and angry with their parents. Usually this turns into an argument with their parents, or children end up having to obey their parents unwillingly. Such conflicts have a negative effect on the child-parent relationship. Do you ever treat your children the way your mothers treated you, does anyone have any examples? (Listen to the examples.) We talked about how you felt when you parents did not accept you as a separate individual who has their own thoughts and emotions. If you act the same way, your children will be negatively affected just as you experienced negative emotions in the past. Just as there are differences between us and our parents, there will be differences between us and our children. Children may not share the bodily constitutions, thoughts and emotions of their parents. We will communicate with our children better if we accept that our children are individuals in their own right. This way we will contribute to their development of a more independent personality. Children will gain the freedom and habit of easily expressing their thoughts and emotions. Children's development is hindered when the opposite is true. Children then become dependent individuals that cannot think freely and cannot openly express their thoughts and emotions. They may experience difficulty in coping with various problems in the future. III.d) Personality characteristics of our children/the person we are interacting with Sometimes, childrens similarity to us also influences our acceptance of their behavior.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Factors that Determine Whether We Accept Behaviors or Not

For example if the mother likes her sleep she will accept it when her children get up late, but if she is used to waking up early she will interpret it as laziness if her children sleep in. Or the mother is disorganized, not very tidy, and so she does not really expect her children to pick up their toys. In other words, it is easier for us to accept behaviors that fit our own personality. (Write this on the board.) And sometimes, when we see qualities we dont like about ourselves in our children, we dont want to accept that behavior although it fits with our personality. For example if the mother is a shy person and does not like this quality about herself, she will not accept shy behaviors in her children. Or the mother may not be in the habit of having breakfast regularly every morning, but when her children do not want to have breakfast she will dislike and not accept this behavior. Personality characteristics we dislike in ourselves (write this on the board) influence whether we accept a behavior or not when our children behave in the exact opposite manner. If your children watch TV until late and you experience difficulty in getting them to bed on time, it would be highly unexpected behavior if one night they go to bed on time before you prompt them to. This behavior would surprise you and make you happy since it is something you want your children to be doing. But if your children act in ways that are the complete opposite of the desired behaviors you expect from them, you would find that impossible to accept. Do you have any experiences on this subject, would you share it with us? (Listen to the responses.) For example if your children, who always come with you to the open air market to help you, do not come with you for once you may find that behavior unacceptable. In other words, when we expect desired behaviors from our children and they behave in ways that fulfill our expectations, we accept the behavior; if their behaviors do not meet our expectations, we may not accept it. (Write this on the board.) In conclusion, although the behavior may remain the same, our interpretation of that behavior and thus whether or not we accept it depends on the different circumstances we have been discussing so far. So, how will it help us to know about these various factors? (Listen to the responses.) Being aware of this variability helps us get to know ourselves better. In other words, knowing I feel agitated when we are going to have guests over. I feel anxious while I am preparing for a visit by my in-laws. I get tired easily in loud places. When I get home from work I would like to rest alone for a while etc. What are some similar qualities that you have and are aware of; can you give me some examples? (Listen to the answers.) As you can see, we all have different qualities and different needs. We can establish healthy relationships with our children only if we know which behaviors we accept or do not accept under which conditions; in other words if we know ourselves well and express our expectations to them. We will establish strong relationships with our children when we are able to express this to them. So, how do you think this will improve our relationship with our children? What will they begin to realize? (Listen to the answers.)
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Factors that Determine Whether We Accept Behaviors or Not

Our children will get to know us. They will learn what makes us angry, and when. As a result, they will not wonder why their mother acts differently at different times. They will be able to adjust their behavior and not experience any inconsistencies. Another important point to know about this variability is that these conditions are true for children as well. Knowing this might make it easier for us to understand that children may also act differently at different times. As a result, when children do not behave as they normally do, or react differently, we will understand that there is a reason for it. To summarize; Getting to know yourself can help you in your relationship with your child basically in two ways. 1. Recognizing your state of mind; knowing how people in your environment affect you and how the conditions of the environment change you; and communicating all this to your children can help prevent your relationship from being negatively affected. By telling your children about the circumstances, you can prevent any conflicts that may arise between you and your children. If you are aware that you are unable to accept behavior you normally would when you feel tired, you could tell your children this. I get agitated when Im tired, I cant take any noise. So until I am rested please dont make any noise at home, dont turn up the volume of the TV too high, and dont ask me too many questions. Im no so agitated when I have rested. I am more able to cope with noise." Or you could also say, I really like it when you play ball in the garden, but when you play inside our house, I worry that the house will become a mess or that our things will fall and break. Or, I feel very anxious when we have guests over, so I dont like it when you ask me for things or ask me questions when I am making preparations. 2. It might make it easier for us to understand that children may also act differently at different times. Just as it is natural for us to experience variability from time to time, it is just as natural for children to experience it as well. Children can also sometimes be angry, sad, or happy. Or their behavior will change when their aunt/uncle is around as compared to when their teacher is around. Similarly, being aware of this could make it easier for us to understand that children may also sometimes act differently than they normally do. As a result, when children do not behave as they normally do, or react differently, we will understand that there is a reason for it. If the best way to understand another person is to put ourselves in their shoes, we need to do the same for our children. In other words, when they experience a problem we need to put ourselves in their place and try to understand the reason for their behavior.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Factors that Determine Whether We Accept Behaviors or Not

Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 1, the Take Home Worksheet). (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) In our meeting today we discussed the factors that determine whether we accept childrens behaviors or not. We realized that our state of mind, the environment we are in, and the characteristics of our children play a role in whether or not we accept their behavior. After all we talked about, would you now like to think about which of your childrens behavior you accept or do not accept? Accepting which of your childrens behaviors will lessen the conflicts you have at home? How will you communicate this issue to your spouses, families or neighbors? Would you share with us in the next meeting the things you are planning on doing? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you did together with your children that you would like to share with us on the Take Home Worksheet I just distributed, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

BOARD PLAN
FACTORS THAT DETERMINE WHETHER WE ACCEPT BEHAVIORS OR NOT

I. The Mothers State of Mind: II. The Environment: a. Circumstances of the environment b. People in the environment III. The characteristics of the child/the other person we are interacting with: a) Their age b) Their gender c) The fact that childrens bodily constitutions, thoughts and emotions are different from those of their parents d) Personality characteristics of the child; Behavior that fits with our personality, Qualities we dislike in our own personality, Behavior that meets/does not meet our expectations.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

ACTIVE LISTENING

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Get mothers to realize the things they do, the way they act and the way they listen to their children while their children speak, Inform mothers of the obstacles to communication they use when they are speaking with and/or listening to their children, Inform mothers about how their children are affected when they do not listen to them and how children that are not listened to, feel, Talk about ways to listen to children more effectively, Inform mothers about how being listened to affects their children and how children that are listened to, feel, Inform mothers about which points to pay attention to when asking children questions. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: OBSTACLES TO COMMUNICATION HANDOUT 2: CARTOONS ON LISTENING HANDOUT 3: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble
1

Active Listening

ACTIVE LISTENING
Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take Home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother to contribute to the discussion. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheets the mothers filled out.) Now let us talk about an incident that could take place in anyones home. Let us say you had a very tiring and difficult day; you cleaned, did the laundry and just as you were getting ready to sit down and rest, your upstairs neighbor began to beat her carpets on the balcony; there goes your clean washing! You want to tell someone about your difficult day and wait impatiently for your husband to come home, he comes home from work and the minute he walks in you begin to tell him about your day; you are talking but he is not even looking at your face and in between says What is for dinner? I am really hungry, or Hmm-hmm, but goes and lies down in front of the TV nevertheless. You follow him around inside the house, and at one point say, I am trying to tell you something and you are not even listening to me. Then he says, What do you mean I am not listening to you, let me repeat the last things you said, you cleaned and then the upstairs neighbor beat her carpets on the balcony, see, havent I been listening? Then he adds, what can you do, shes our neighbor, and have you any idea about the problems I deal with at work all day? Would this conversation satisfy you? Will you have shared your problems, how would you feel in such a situation? (Listen to the answers.) In actuality, your husband has heard you, and even repeated what you said word for word. But has he listened to you as you wish to be listened to? (Listen to the answers.) I am sure we have all experienced similar events at home; can anyone give us an example? (Listen to the mothers examples.) What do you think is the difference between hearing and listening? (Listen to the answers.) As you also said, hearing is merely to perceive certain sounds. But listening is something very different. Listening is paying attention what is being said and trying to understand it. For example, let us say you are watching TV carefully when your husband comes up to you and asks you what they weather tomorrow will be like; although you are watching the weather you realize that you have not heard a single thing that was said. Today we will talk about the importance of listening and the things we should do to listen more effectively.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

Children feel distressed and unhappy, or in other words they experience a problem when their needs are unmet or they are faced with some difficulty. For example, they may be jealous of a friend who gets better grades, they may not have anyone to play with, another child might have taken their toys without permission, or their teacher may be upset with them or displeased with their homework assignment All kinds of similar problems are experienced by children; they cause children discomfort, not the parents. Childrens problems are independent of their parents. Let me draw a window to try and explain our relationship with our children. We usually experience three conditions in our relationships. One of these conditions is when our children experience distress or have a problem. (Draw the behavior window, write the child has a problem in the box on the right and point to it.)

I am distressed

No Problem

The child is experiencing distress, has a problem.

Another condition is when we have a problem and feel distressed. (On the left hand side of the behavior window, write I feel distressed, I have a problem and point to it.) Or there may be no problems at home; none of the family members is experiencing any distress about anything. (Write no problem in the box in the middle of the behavior window.) Today we will talk about what we can do when our children have a problem. And we will discuss the things we can do in other situations in the upcoming weeks. I will now read you a story. There is a mother and a daughter in this story. After you listen to the story, let us find together where the problems experienced by this family arise. That day when Aytens daughter Zeynep came home from school, Ayten opened the door and Zeynep walked in without a word. She threw her bag down in front of the door. She was frowning. Ayten asked, What happened honey, how was school? Just as always, Zeynep replied. She took off her uniform and threw it onto the bed. Ayten said, Then why are you throwing your things around, tell me what happened. Zeynep began to cry and said, The teacher was explaining the lesson and I didnt understand, just as I was asking a friend the teacher caught me and yelled at me in front of the whole class, called me lazy and everybody laughed at me. To this Ayten responded, Of course your teacher was angry, next time youll listen more carefully. But everyone was talking and I was only asking because I didnt understand," replied Zeynep. And Ayten said, Zeynep, you are the one at fault here, instead of crying in class you should have explained why you were talking in class, I would have if I were you. Zeynep began to cry even harder. Her mother said, Oh stop crying, and dont worry Ill tell your teacher what happened when I see her/him, all will be well. And she added, If you dont stop crying I will complain about you to your teacher, you never see Elif (her sister) coming to me with problems like these, she gets along fine at school, now pick up your bag and dont make a mess. Zeynep angrily walked in the room and elbowed her sister Elif in the meantime. This time her sister began to cry. Now let us figure out what the mother and the daughter in the story experienced and felt. First, let us talk about the mother. How do you think the mother felt when she
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

saw her daughter was so sad? (Listen to the answers.) She must have felt sad as well and wanted to console her daughter. Ayten wanted to help her daughter but she was not able to offer Zeynep any comfort, in fact Zeynep began to cry even harder, she stopped talking and went inside. In other words, the mother was not able to help her daughter. Now let us see what the mother did in attempt to console her daughter Zeynep. The mother saw that Zeynep was sad, and what did she say to Zeynep to be able to understand what upset her? Why are you throwing your things around, tell me what happened. Did the mother ask this question to Zeynep in an interrogative and inquisitive attitude? (Listen to the answers.) It is as if even before listening to Zeynep she was sure that Zeynep was guilty and was inquiring about what she was guilty of. How do you think Zeynep might have felt when she encountered this accusatory and inquisitive attitude? (Listen to the answers.) Zeynep might have felt scared, thinking that she is guilty, and offer sloppy responses. Next, Zeynep talked about how her teacher was angry with her. And Aytens response was, Of course your teacher was angry! Youll listen more carefully next time. She gave Zeynep some advice and directed her. What was the mothers aim in giving advice? (Listen to the answers.) To offer guidance to Zeynep if such a situation occurs again. But did the solution the mother suggested meet the childs needs? No it did not. Why did it not? Because she had not fully understood why Zeynep did not listen to her teacher, Aytens advice and guidance was not well-founded. It was not helping Zeynep. If Zeynep is faced with a similar problem in the future, will she remember her mothers advice and act accordingly? (Listen to the answers.) She may not. The solution did not meet her need. Or she may act as her mother wants her to but only because her mother told her to, not because she believes it is the right thing to do. When this did not work, Ayten continued with, You are at fault here, instead of crying now you should have said in class why you were talking. She criticized and accused Zeynep. Faced with an accusation, Zeynep was thinking, Why am I at fault, why cant I explain what I mean, when her mother said, Dont worry, Ill talk to your teacher when I see her/him, all will be well. Her mother tried to console Zeynep. We all like to be consoled, and the mother wanted to console her child because she was saddened by what happened. So, why do you think it did not work? (Listen to the answers.) Because Zeynep probably did not like it when her mother did not take something that was important to her and bothered her seriously, and tried to console her without understanding the problem. But consolation was not what Zeynep needed at that point, she needed to be understood. When children have a problem, if their parents try to overlook their emotions and console them, they may feel they are not understood and get angry. Ayten also tried to console her daughter, but when that did not work she got angry with Zeynep and said, If you dont stop crying I will complain about you to your teacher myself. The mother ordered and threatened Zeynep. And did that help? (Listen to the answers.) No. Being threatened can make children feel frightened. It could make them feel unimportant. At the end of the story, Zeynep's mother compared her to her sister. She said, Your sister Elif never comes to me with problems like these, she gets along fine at school. By doing so, she compared the two sisters. When children are compared to others, they may think their motherthe most important person in their livesdoes not love them enough; their self-confidence could weaken. They may also feel jealous of the person they are being compared to. If you remember, Zeynep also struck her sister for no reason.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

Did everything we just talked about, the things the mother did, help her daughter? (Listen to the answers.) They did not work; in fact her daughter stopped talking with her in anger and stormed inside. Because Zeynep felt angry that her mother kept on telling her what to do even thought she was not at school when the incident occurred, gave her advice, threatened her by saying, Stop crying, or I will complain about you to your teacher myself, and compared her to her sister. Think about yourself, if you had a problem and someone kept on giving you advice without understanding your problem or listening to you, and compared you to someone else, would you not get angry as well? (Listen to the answers.) You would get angry, wouldn't you...? So, do you think Zeynep was justified in feeling angry with her mother? (Listen to the answers.) Yes she was, because the moment she walked in the door her mother talked constantly, without listening to her at all. And Zeynep was unable to understand the root of the problem and so found no relief. We all want to communicate well with children; we try to help them when they come to us with a problem. Usually in situations like these, instead of keeping quiet, we think problems will be resolved when we ask children questions, give them advice, or console them. Parents generally do not accept that children have their own problems; they are inclined to shoulder their childrens problems and often do. So when children explain their problem to their parents, parents begin to talk instead of listening to them. Parents need to talk with their children if they want their relationship to be strong, and children should feel the need to talk with their parents. Despite the best of intentions, approaching children like this can create problems rather than resolving the one at hand, or constitute an obstacle to communication between mother and child. For example, let us recall the story we just discussed. We talked about an incident that occurred between a mother and a daughter. The mother intended to help her daughter and offer relief by responding to her. But we just saw that approaches like these can have extremely undesirable outcomes. This is why these approaches, called obstacles to communication should never be used. (Distribute Handout 1 on the obstacles to communication and go over the ones that should never be used, no matter the circumstances. Next, point to the no problem area of the behavior window and go over the approaches that should not be used when there is a problem but can be used when children are not experiencing distress.) If you do not consider children as distinct individuals, if you shoulder their problems as parents without even listening to them, how do you think you will affect their development? (Listen to the answers.) Now together, let us summarize what you all said: When parents tell their children what to do and guide them, the message children get is that they are unable to cope with their problems. As a result, children may feel uncared for and excluded; they may feel insecure. Childrens ability to cope with problems (acquisition of problem solving skills) depends on habits; in other words, on learning by doing. When children grow up and become adults, they will doubtless encounter various problems. They may grow up to be dependent people who wait for others to make decisions for them. They may not know what to do unless there is someone guiding them; they may become extremely impressionable.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

Because they cannot talk with you and tell you their problems, they may show tendencies to distance themselves from home/you and share their problems with people outside the family. If children are not provided with an environment to talk, if they are quickly silenced, can their language and vocabulary skills develop? (Listen to the answers.) Because young children chatter all the time we may at times feel very frustrated, but if we try to keep them quiet they may not have the chance to express themselves easily, their language skills may not develop. What kind of relationship will you have with your children if you keep running after them until you are exhausted just so they listen to you? (Listen to the answers.) Since you might tire from all the running around you might get into an argument and your relationship could suffer. And children might become very whiny; having no opportunities to express themselves freely, they may resort to bad-tempered and aggressive behavior. Consider yourselves When we have a problem, who is the person we wish to go to first, to talk about it? Why do we want to talk to this person? (Listen to the answers.) People we do not wish to tell our troubles to are usually people that we think will not understand us. What is it that these people do that causes us to not want to go to them, what causes us to think they will not understand? (Listen to the answers.) Now let us do an exercise together. Let us have a volunteer from the group for the exercise. The rest of you observe us; afterwards we will evaluate the exercise together. Role Play: (Conduct the exercise in two stages. Ask for a volunteer mother from the group.) 1. First ask the mother to tell you something that is troubling her. When she starts to talk do not listen to her, busy yourself with other things, do not look her in the face, interrupt her, use all possible obstacles to communication. 2. Next, ask the mother to talk with you again, to tell you about something. This time, listen to her actively. (At the end of the exercise, ask the group what you did in the first and second stage of the exercise, how you listened; ask the volunteer mother how she felt in each of the two stages.) During each of the two stages I tried to listen to you. What did I do during the first stage, how did I listen to you? (Ask the group.) I busied myself with other things; I pretended to listen to you. I gave you advice, criticized and blamed you. What did you feel? (Ask the volunteer mother who told you her troubles.) People that are judged and criticized feel misunderstood, unjustly treated or desperate; as a result they either stop communicating or try to get even, try to defend themselves. What did I do during the second stage, how did I listen to you? (Ask the group.) The first prerequisite of truly listening to the person talking to you is to get your body into a listening position. That is, to do as I did, to sit, make sure we are at the same level, and look you in the face.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

What did you feel? (Ask the volunteer mother who told you her troubles.) People talking about their troubles feel closer to and trust more the people that are close to them physically and are looking at them face to face. They then feel the desire to talk. During which stage of the exercise did you feel you were understood? (Ask the mother.) Children feel the same way as we do. When children have a problem (point to the behavior window on the board as you ask), in which area are they in this window? (Listen to the answers.) (Point to the right hand side of the window.) In the the child is experiencing discomfort, has a problem, area. In such cases, the best communication style is to listen to them using active listening. (Write active listening under the child has a problem section.) When we actively listen to children, we will have given them a chance to calm down, this will enable them to see the source of the problem and thus they will have the opportunity to find a solution to the problem themselves. We can do this in two ways; 1. Listening quietly and not interrupting as children talk about what is troubling them. 2. Listening to them by participating in the conversation and showing them we understand. Now let us examine these methods one by one. 1. Listening quietly and not interrupting as children talk about what is troubling them: (Write the underlined section on the board.) To do this, we need to put aside what we are doing and turn toward our children, make sure we are on the same level and give them our full attention. If what we are doing is very urgent and important and impossible to put aside, we must share this information with our children, tell them when we will be able to listen to them, and keep our promise. Children immediately understand mediocre or insincere care and attention; this could cause them to lose faith in us. While listening to children our whole body should be turned toward them; we should show them we are following the conversation by nodding occasionally and that we are listening carefully via simple words like, Yes, I see, and Hmmhmm. The aim here is not to make children accept our ideas or do as we wish them to do. It is to show them that we are ready to listen to them. This will also show them that we have accepted them. Accepting children as they are does not mean agreeing with all their behaviors, but showing them that we understand them. It means to try to change their emotions and behavior; allow them to express their emotions; and helping them find their own solutions to their problems. 2. Listening to them by participating in the conversation and showing them we understand: (Write the underlined section on the board.) To be able to give our full attention to our children while we are actively listening to them, we will have to put aside our own thoughts and emotions; otherwise it might be difficult to understand them correctly. We can encourage and hearten

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

our children with some simple words while they are talking. You will see how openly your children talk to you when you use expressions such as, I see, is that so, how interesting, tell me a little about that, I would like to listen to what you have to say, I am listening to you, Im thinking that this is important to you, I really want to learn what you think about this When doing all these things our attitude, the way we look at them, the tone of our voice, the speed at which we talk and our facial expressions are extremely important and must be sincere. Sometimes, just like we do, children also experience very intense feelings and might find it difficult to express these emotions. They will be able to see their problems and feel relief when they are able to express and be aware of their emotions. In such cases; We need to help children express their feelings by naming their emotions. If we wish to be able to do this and fully understand our children's intentions, we need to put ourselves in our childrens shoes. Example: Child: I hate school and dont want to go. Mother: So, you are bored with school. Child: I like playing house with Ali very much. Mother: You have a great time together, dont you? So, should we always stay quiet in our relationships with our children; do we only listen and say nothing at all? (Listen to the answers.) It is important to actively listen to children, by doing so we will have given them a chance to calm down, this will enable them to see the root of the problem and thus they will have the opportunity to find a solution to the problem themselves. But we may also need to talk to them and ask questions so that we can understand them better, or if they are asking us for some information or if they are repeating themselves. However, our aim in asking questions is not interrogating or cross-examining our children but to understand them better. We can do this in two ways; 1. By asking questions that do not have a yes or no answer; but which begin with words like what, how, which, etc. and aim to clarify and elucidate what the child is saying; Questions like these make is easier for us to understand childrens thoughts and emotions, and clarify vague concepts they may mention. (Role play the examples below where you assume the roles of the mother and volunteer mothers take on the roles of the children.)

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

For example; Child: I dont like the way Ahmet acts towards me at school. Mother: What do you mean by acts towards you, could you elaborate? Child: I wish my teacher was friendlier with me. Mother: Could you tell me what you mean by friendlier? These questions also help clarify vague pieces of information uttered by older children; For example; Child: My allowance is not enough! Mother: How much money do you need exactly? 2. By repeating what our children have told us back to them, in our own words. This illustrates whether we have fully understood what our children have told us or not. For example; Child: All my friends are sitting at home, nobody will come outside. Mother: If I understand you correctly, you want to play in the street with your friends. Child: My brother/sister always makes so much noise when I am trying to do my homework. Mother: You would like some peace and quiet while doing your homework, wouldnt you? Now let us work through some cartoons that are examples on learning. In working through these examples, let us first enact the wrong way, then the right way to listen. I will be the mother and volunteers among you can be the children. (Distribute Handout 2, assume the role of the mother, volunteer mothers play the role of the child and work through the examples. Adjust the tone of your voice [angry, uncaring, understanding and sincere] to reflect the text.) I will now give you different examples of how to act when our children come to us with a problem; let us work through the new examples on how to listen to our children. (Work through the examples with you acting as the mother and the mothers taking on the role of the children.) Examples; Child: I want to spend time with my old friends. Child: The teacher yelled at me and the whole class began to laugh. Child: I dont want to eat. How do children whose parents listen to them feel, and how will we have affected their development by listening to them? (Listen to the answers.) Childrens talking skills improve when they are listened to; they learn to express themselves better. Their vocabulary grows, so you will have contributed to their language development simply by listening to them. And if their speech is

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Active Listening

inarticulate, asking them to repeat what they said will help them to speak clearly, articulately and fluently over time. Since children that are listened to can express themselves, they convey their thoughts and emotions easily and not through aggressive and bad-tempered behavior, or by trying to get their mothers attention. This also allows childrens emotional development to progress in a healthy manner. Children that are listened to try to find solutions to their problems by themselves, so their problem solving skills develop, their self-confidence grows and their personality develops. Children form a close bond with their parents when they are able to go to their parents when they have a problem and are listened to correctly; their relationship is strengthened, they trust one another, and when children are looking for ways to resolve a problem, they share it with their parents instead of looking for answers outside the home. Children that are listened to also learn to listen; mothers usually complain that their children do not listen to them. So, you must act as a role model in this aspect and show them how to listen when someone is talking; the best way to do this is to listen to what they have to say.

Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 3, the Take Home Worksheet). (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) In todays meeting we discussed how important it is to listen to children. We talked about how we affect children when we listen to them, how children that are not listened to feel, and about the correct methods of listening. After all that we have discussed, how are you planning on listening to your children, what will you do as you listen to them? How will you communicate this issue to your spouses, families or neighbors? Would you share with us in the next meeting the things you are planning on doing? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) I am sure you have many opportunities during the day to talk with and listen to one another; if you make detailed notes of such exchanges that are important to you and your child on the Take Home Worksheet I distributed; it will be easier for you to share your experiences next week. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
ACTIVE LISTENING

Obstacles to Communication: Approaches that constitute an obstacle to communication under any circumstance: 1. Commanding, directing 2. Threatening, intimidating 3. Judging, criticizing, blaming 4. Naming, ridiculing 5. Comparing Approaches that constitute an obstacle to communication when there is a problem: 6. Preaching, moralizing 7. Giving advice, coming up with solutions and suggestions 8. Teaching, lecturing 9. Praising, flattering 10. Interpreting, analyzing 11. Comforting, consoling 12. Asking questions, cross-examining 13. Distracting, changing the subject, resorting to humor How to Listen to Children: 1. Listen quietly and without interrupting them as talk about what is troubling them, 2. Listen to them by participating in the conversation and showing them we understand.

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Active Listening

HANDOUT 1: OBSTACLES TO COMMUNICATION

Parents are of the opinion that when children have a problem, it will be resolved if they ask their children questions or give them advice. Parents should talk with their children if they want their relationship to have a solid base, and children should feel the need to talk with their parents. Despite the best of intentions, some approaches can create problems rather than resolving the one at hand, or constitute an obstacle to communication between mother and child. The approaches often used when children encounter an important problem are listed below. These approaches can create just the opposite effect especially when important problems are at hand and turn into obstacles where words uttered with the aim of helping the child can transform the problem into an insolvable one. However, the important point to remember here is that some of these approaches turn into obstacles only when children encounter serious problems. When there is no problem to deal with, most of these approaches are not obstacles, in fact they may be appropriate and helpful. (For instance: asking questions, resorting to humor, or coming up with ideas, etc.) However, there are some approaches that are never appropriate or helpful, regardless of whether there is a problem or not. (For example naming, comparing, or belittling, etc.)

EXAMPLES OF OBSTACLES TO COMMUNICATION: APPROACHES THAT CONSTITUTE AN OBSTACLE TO COMMUNICATION UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE: 1. COMMANDING, DIRECTING: (Should never be used) Telling children what to do, ordering them around. Example: I dont care what you want to do; you will come home right this minute. "I don't care what other parents do, you will be home latest by 7 PM." Dont talk to your mother that way. Stop complaining. This could result in fear or active resistance. It could motivate them to do the exact opposite. It could lead to rebellious behavior or retaliation. It could make children feel unimportant. 2. THREATENING, INTIMIDATING: (Should never be used) Telling children the consequences of their behavior in the form of a threat. Example: You are going to get it if you dont get into bed this instant. You remember what happened the other day when you cried, dont you? Can result in fear and submission. Will cause children to "try and see whether the issued threats are actually realized. Can cause anger, rebelliousness. Will make children feel disrespected.

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Active Listening

3. JUDGING, CRITICIZING, BLAMING: (Should never be used) Assessing and judging children negatively. Example: You are such a dirty child. You are wrong, as always. You are very inconsiderate. Children generally perceive judgments and criticisms as being true (I am bad), and they may respond (You are not perfect either"). Their self-respect could weaken. 4. NAMING, RIDICULING, EMBARRASSING THE CHILD: (Should never be used) Embarrassing the child, making them feel stupid, categorizing them. Example: You coward! Youre a big boy/girl now and you still cry like a baby. Can cause children to feel worthless and unloved. Can have a negative effect on childrens self-image. May motivate children to retaliate. 5. COMPARING: (Should never be used) Comparing childrens qualities with the qualities of another. Example: Look how nicely your sister eats. Did you see Ayses daughters report card? She got all As. And look at your report card. Could diminish self-respect. Could cause children to distance themselves from the person comparing them and/or the person they are being compared to. 6. PREACHING, MORALIZING: (Should never be used) Telling children what to do. Example: You should always respect your teachers. You dont bother someone when they are reading. Could cause feelings of obligation or guilt. May cause children to defend their point with even more fervor. (Says who?) Could leave an impression as if there is a lack of trust in the child's sense of responsibility. Might make children feel their values are unimportant.

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Active Listening

APPROACHES THAT CONSTITUTE AN OBSTACLE TO COMMUNICATION WHEN THERE IS A PROBLEM:

7. GIVING ADVICE, OFFERING SOLUTIONS AND SUGGESTIONS: Telling children how to resolve their problem, suggesting ideas, finding solutions. Example: If you dont want to fight with your friend, stay away from him. Make friends with other girls in your class. Might make children feel we think they are helpless in solving their own problems. Could prevent children from thinking about all aspects of the problem, coming up with different solutions, and trying them out. This could result in dependency or resistance. 8. TEACHING, LECTURING, OFFERING LOGICAL IDEAS: Trying to influence children with our own ideas or opposing ideas and events. Example: Look my dear, you are too young to understand what goes on in the world. When I was your age, I used to do all the housework. Could provoke defensive attitudes and defiance. Can cause children to stop communicating with the mother and no longer listen to her. Could cause children to feel incompetent and inadequate. Can cause feelings of boredom and hatred. 9. PRAISING, COMPLIMENTING, FLATTERING: Assessing children in a positive light, being in agreement Example: You are the most beautiful girl in the world. You are the smartest student in the class. You are the best. Could cause children to think too much is expected of them. Can be perceived as an insincere maneuver used to manipulate children into doing what you want them to do. If the childs self-perception does not merit praise, this could cause them to feel anxious or angry. Could be habit-forming. Lack of praise could be perceived as criticism. May lessen faith in the person doing the praising. 10. INTERPRETING, ANALYZING, DIAGNOSING: Telling children why they behaved the way they did and said the things they said; showing them that you are analyzing them. Example: You are doing that just to get attention. You are jealous of him/her. Youre doing this just because you cant get along with the other children at school. This could be threatening or unnerving, and give rise to feelings of failure. Children can feel unsafe, cornered, and begin to believe people do not believe them. They may stop communicating due to fears of being misunderstood. If the assessment is correct, children might feel embarrassed that they truth has come out.

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11. HEARTENING, SUPPORTING, COMFORTING, CONSOLING: Make the child feel better, while sometimes paying no attention the childs feelings. Example: Dont feel so bad, everything will be alright in time." Dont worry, its not just you, all children go through this phase. Dont worry, everything happens for a reason. Children could feel they are not understood. Could raise feelings of anger. (Its easy for you.) Children might perceive the message as being It is not right to feel upset. 12. ASKING QUESTIONS, TESTING, CROSS-EXAMINING: Trying to find a reason, trying to acquire more information to help the child resolve the problem. Example: When did you start feeling this way? Why do you think you hate school? How long did you study? Just an hour? Well, youll barely pass, then. Who put that idea into your head? What will you do if you drop out of school? Can lead to half-truths, doing forbidden things, lying. Can cause fear or anxiety. Can puts limits on free communication. Children may lose sight of their own problem while trying to answer the mothers questions arising from her anxiety. They may feel cornered. 13. DISTRACTING, DIVERTING ATTENTION, RESORTING TO HUMOR, CHANGING THE SUBJECT: Trying to put distance between children and their problem, distracting the children and setting the problem aside. Example: Never mind all that now, lets watch this TV show together. Let us not talk about this at the table. Lets talk about nice things. May convey to children that their problems are unimportant, silly, and invalid. Can make children feel uncared for and disrespected.

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1. INSTEAD OF LENDING HALF AN EAR,

2. GIVE THE CHILD YOUR FULL ATTENTION


So I hit him back. Then he hit me even harder. He is a very bad boy!

Yes, go on. So I hit him back. Then he hit me again. Are you listening? Mehmet hit me. Then I... Dad, can you hear me?

Mehmet hit me. Then I... Dad, can you hear me?

Active Listening

I can listen to you and read the paper at the same time. Go on... Oh, never mind!

Adele Faber, Kimberly Ann Coe (illustrator) Elaine Mazlish. how to talk to children so that they will listen to you (Morrow, William and Co. July 19999

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

I am listening to every single word.

No you are not.

You know what Ill do? Ill play with Ali from now on. He doesnt hit people.

It is very difficult to try and talk to someone who only lends half an ear.

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It is much easier to talk to parents who give you their full attention. Often, they do not even have to say anything. Usually the only thing children need is for someone to keep quiet and listen to them.

3. INSTEAD OF ASKING QUESTIONS AND GIVING ADVICE,


Well, thats what happens I didnt lose it. It if you leave your was on my desk belongings lying about. when I went out to the schoolyard. Somebody stole my new red pencil. Hmm I had left it on the desk when I went out to the schoolyard.

4. SAY SOMETHING THAT SHOWS YOU ARE LISTENING Oh really? ... Hmm Yes
Mm-hmm

Somebody stole my new red pencil.

Are you sure you didnt just lose it?

Active Listening

Adele Faber, Kimberly Ann Coe (illustrator) Elaine Mazlish. how to talk to children so that they will listen to you (Morrow, William and Co. July 19999

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

This is not a first. I always tell you to put your things in the bin under you desk, but you never listen to me. Oh, leave me alone... Mind your manners.

This is the third time I had my pencil stolen.

Really?

I know what Ill do from now on. Ill put my pencils in the bin under my desk.

Yes.

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It is difficult for children to think correctly and constructively when someone is interrogating them, blaming them or giving them advice.

Simple words such as HmmOh Really? are very useful. Together with a warm attitude, such words will encourage children to examine their thoughts and emotions, and often to find a solution by themselves.

5. INSTEAD OF DENYING EMOTIONS,

6. TRY TO NAME THE EMOTION

My little kitten died. She was alive just this morning. Dont cry, it was just a kitten My little kitten died. She was alive just this morning. Oh poor thing, you must be so sad. The kitten was my friend.

Dont be so upset sweetie.

Losing a friend can make people feel very sad.

Active Listening

Sniff, sniff...

Enough now, stop crying! I will get you a new kitten. Now youre being ridiculous.

I had taught my kitten games.

You two had great fun together.

Yes, you took very good care of your kitten. I used to feed it every day

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I dont want another kitten

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No matter how nicely you try to do it, forcing children to abandon an unpleasant emotion makes them feel even worse.

Parents usually do not provide answers such as these, fearing that naming the emotion will upset children even more. However, the opposite is true. When what they are experiencing is expressed in words children often feel quite relieved, since this helps them understand that someone is aware of their feelings.

HOW MOTHERS CAN MAKE THEIR VOICES HEARD


(I-Language)

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Get mothers to realize how they treat their children when a problem arises, Enable mothers to become aware of their emotions, Inform mothers about how they can express their thoughts and emotions, Show mothers that this method can also be used to reinforce desired behaviors in children, Illustrate the contribution mothers make to their childrens development when they express themselves correctly. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: HANDOUT 2: HANDOUT 3: HANDOUT 4:

WHICH IS THE CORRECT EXPRESSION (I-LANGUAGE) (Exercises) COMPONENTS OF I-LANGUAGE WAYS MOTHERS MAKE THEIR VOICES HEARD (I-LANGUAGE) TAKE HOME WORKSHEET

MATERIALS: Pencils A pebble

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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

HOW MOTHERS CAN MAKE THEIR VOICES HEARD


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take Home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother to contribute to the discussion. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take-Home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) If you remember, we had a behavior window. (Draw the behavior window and point to the the child has a problem column.) We had discussed the importance of listening actively to your children when they were experiencing a problem, and how it helped to calm them down and find a solution to their problems themselves.

The child is experiencing discomfort, has a problem.

Do you ever experience problems while spending so much effort toward being a spouse, a mother and a housewife? (Listen to the answers.) Of course you do; you are wives, mothers, and housewives (some of you work outside the home and contribute to the household income) trying to carry out your errands the best way possible. At times you experience problems, certain incidents cause you discomfort. You want to express yourself correctly, you want to make sure other people understand you correctly. Today we will talk about this side of our behavior window (in the left hand corner of the window write the parent has a problem" and point to it); we will discuss the things you can do and the ways you can communicate easily with people in your environment in cases where you experience discomfort or a problem. Parents that experience discomfort due to their childrens behaviors use certain methods to express this discomfort. Now let us work through an exercise and find how we respond when our children or people in our environment do something we find unacceptable and do not desire, how we express this situation to them, and how we react when faced with certain incidents. I will now talk to you about incidents that may occur in our home at any given time. When faced with this incident, what would you say to your child, how might the
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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

child act in reaction to what you say? Will the problem be resolved and your children behave the way you want them to, or will they continue with the behavior you do not want them to? (The Group Leader reads the below sentences depicting various incidents one at a time. She asks the mothers how they respond when faced with this kind of situation, if the mothers responses constitute an obstacle to communication, she states what it is) For example; Ask the group, Your child is jumping up and down on the couch with their shoes on. What do you say? and if the mothers state they would say something like, What do you think youre doing? Get down right now say so you would order them. Reminder to the Group Leader: Obstacles to Communication: Ordering, directing, intimidating, moralizing, giving advice, lecturing, judging, criticizing, blaming, interpreting, analyzing, interrogating, making fun, name-calling. Important note: (When working through the examples below if any of the mothers say, That wouldnt anger me, that wouldnt annoy me, I dont consider that to be important, then point to the parents have a problem area of the behavior window and say, then you are not in this area since you feel no discomfort with the situation. Continue the exercise with mothers that do consider the situation to be problematic.) Examples: Your child; - Keeps on pulling at your skirt while you are having an important conversation on the phone, saying Mom, look. - Is on the phone with their friend talking about this and that while you expect an important phone call. Your spouse; - Has not thrown his dirty laundry into the hamper, you are going to do the laundry and have to pick them up off the floor. - Said he would pay the bills but has not, so you have to pay them on the last due date. As you can see, conversations like these with your children and spouses can sometimes have no effect. They can have negative and undesired effects on our children, in other words they can give rise to the obstacles to communication we discussed during the last meeting. Moreover, they make you feel upset and also do not resolve your problem. Now let us go over this issue from our standpoint. Has there ever been a time when you inadvertently did something that bothered people around you, for which you were judged and criticized unfairly? Lets say your spouse asked you to wash a shirt that he has to wear to work the next day. Although you planned to do this, your childs teacher called you to the school and so you had to go, on top of which your mother took ill, needed you, and as a result you were unable to wash the shirt.

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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

In response, your spouse said something like, You sit at home all day and you cant wash one shirt, its not as if you have anything else to do, he made you feel guilty and criticized you. What would you think and feel in such a situation, how would you respond to him? (Listen to the responses.) You would try to defend yourself, try to explain what happened. You did not deserve to be reprimanded and criticized, you would feel very sad. It was not your intention to delay what he asked of you. After being criticized like this, you felt misunderstood, unjustly treated and helpless. In a situation like this you might get angry with your spouse, speak in anger and get into an argument. Because your spouse was accusatory when he talked to you and used you-language messages, you would try to defend yourself, as a result you might both get stubborn and even be unable to communicate. We usually make use of the methods we discussed in the obstacles to communication handout when we are experiencing negative emotions (anger, anxiety, sadness, etc.) In other words when we are angry, obstacles to communication such as giving advice, offering ideas, commanding etc. prevent the other person/our children from understanding what we are feeling, and why. If, instead of acting the way he did, your spouse had explained the difficulty he was experiencing and his feelings, and said something like, I am very upset that my shirt is unwashed, this is going to make things difficult for me tomorrow If that was the case, how would you feel, what would you try to do? (Listen to the responses.) Because he spoke about his emotions and did not accuse you, you would not have felt the need to defend yourself, and maybe even try to find a way to right the situation. Having a clean shirt is important for your spouse, but the words he used and the responses he gave you in the first case had a very negative effect on you and resulted in an argument. In the second case, you would have understood him, you would have tried to set the situation right and look for a way to resolve the problem. As you can see the language we use is extremely important; blaming the person we are talking to, criticizing them, making sweeping generalizations such as Youre always like this anyway, neither strengthens the relationship nor resolves the problem. On the contrary, it pushes people to go on the defensive or even lie to escape from the unpleasant situation. It can cause people to think I am negligent, incompetent, useless, and damage their self-confidence. It can also lead to negative emotions such as rage, anger and hatred. In other words, such language harms our communication with people who speak this way. If we speak to our children this way our relationship with them suffers; children who feel this way can lose their self-confidence and develop an unsociable, withdrawn or aggressive personality; in short, their emotional development is negatively impacted. We will be talking about our emotions and because talking about our emotions is vital if we want to be understood, we first have try to recognize and express them. Now I am going to read you examples of incidents that can happen to anybody in the
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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

course of daily life. Let us discuss these example together, try to figure out how you would feel if they happened to you. Dont say, that will never happen to me. Try to ascertain not how you would act in these situations, but how you would feel. Instead of just saying I would feel angry, sad or happy, try to find what you really felt that caused you to feel angry or happy. Some examples might be, I felt as if I was taken for a fool, I felt unimportant, I was worried, I was annoyed, I felt betrayed, I was surprised, I felt understood, I was excited, and I felt useful, etc. (Read out loud the sentences below describing various incidents one at a time, and ask the mothers to think about each incident and later share their thoughts in the large group.) Exercise to recognize (become aware of) emotions:

Examples; - Your child came home 4-5 hours late, without letting you know beforehand. How would you feel? - You are waiting in line at the hospital feeling terrible, other people came and cut into the line and were examined before you. How would you feel? - You made plans to go somewhere together with your spouse, you told him you needed him there but he backed out at the last minute and left you on your own. How would you feel? - You were angry with your child for spending their weekly allowance all at once, but later learned that they used their money to buy you a present. How would you feel? - You invited you mother-in-law to dinner. You were exhausted but all the food you prepared was enjoyed immensely, everyone asked for recipes. How would you feel? Through this exercise, we made an attempt to recognize emotions we experience frequently in our daily lives. Often, we may find it difficult to sort through our emotions, or may get them mixed up with behaviors. But emotions are normal; they cannot be right or wrong. Everyone is affected in different ways by different incidents, and feels different things. As we all saw in this exercise, you all felt different emotions in relation to the same event, therefore nobody can say what we feel is right or wrong. We say, and accept the saying, to each his/her own. The same goes for emotions. So, are feelings like jealousy, helplessness, fear or shame bad feelings? (Listen to the responses.) Lets say for example, you went to a friends house for dinner. Your spouse cant stop singing praises for the pastry dish. Knowing well that your spouse likes pastry dishes, you often make it at home and try to make sure it is exactly as he likes it. But he never acknowledges your effort; in fact, he always ignores it. In a case like this, would you feel jealous of your friend or feel anger toward your spouse? (Listen to the responses.) Did feeling like this make you a bad person? Of course not; emotions make us feel good or bad, but they do not make us a good or bad person. In the exercise we just did, we saw that we could feel angry, annoyed, or ashamed. That means everybody
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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

can feel negative emotions, but the important thing is how we act in the aftermath of those negative emotions, or in other words, our behavior. If we never ever make a pastry dish four our spouse or get upset and start an argument because he praised the dish our friend prepared, we will have behaved wrongly. In this case, our feeling is normal but our behavior is wrong. Being aware of our emotions is extremely important because people that are aware of their emotions can understand what other people are feeling, this allows them to put themselves in other peoples shoes and understand the reasons for their actions. The same thing holds for children. If we are able to understand our feelings, we will also be able to understand children. We experience many different emotions. But there are four feeling we consider to be basic emotions. These are happiness, sadness, fear, and anger (rage). They are called basic emotions because everyone on Earth feels them. When something happens that makes you feel happy, angry, afraid, or sad, how do you let other people know how you are feeling? (Listen to the answers.) When we are angry we might yell, quit talking to someone, and sometimes resort to violence. Later, we feel regret. We criticize when we are afraid. You may remember from our discussion of obstacles to communication that these kinds of responses did not enable us to resolve our problems; they also had a negative effect on our children. This means we have to change, we have to express ourselves correctly and verbalize whatever it is that is bothering us by using I-language messages. This only becomes possible if parents fulfill the 3 conditions below when their children behave in ways they consider unacceptable. 1. Defining the behavior we consider unacceptable in our children; in other words instead of blaming, criticizing, or making generalizations such as you always do that, talking only about their current behavior, 2. Stating the effects the behavior we find unacceptable in our children has on us these effects might include behaviors that cause us to spend money unnecessarily, spend our time or energy in ways we do not want to and 3. Defining the emotions that the behaviors we consider unacceptable in our children cause us to feel, talking about what we are feelings, for instance, That made me feel sad/angry/annoyed," etc. Now let us work through examples about these three conditions. (Distribute Handout 1, work through the first example yourself and ask the mothers to do the rest, placing the three conditions of this method in the brackets.) Let us now work through the examples we used at the beginning of our meeting on ways to express ourselves using this new method. While working through these examples, try to keep in mind the three important conditions required by the method we just talked about. In other words, let us first define the behavior we dislike, and then state its effect on us and how it makes us feel. (Read all the examples and ask the mothers to find the definition of the behavior in the examples, its effect on the mothers and what it makes them feel; write the answers on the board.)

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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

(Important note to the Group Leader: Responses to the examples have been provided below to facilitate your work, but emotions and the effects that incidents have on people differs from one person to the next.) Example; Your child is jumping up and down on the couch with shoes on. The Childs Behavior: Jumping on the couch with shoes on, The Effect This Behavior Has on You: The couch gets dirty; you end up having to clean it. The Emotion This Behavior Causes You to Feel: You feel annoyed and tired. Our New Style of Expression: When you jump on the couch with your shoes on it gets dirty, I end up having to clean it, and this makes me feel annoyed and tired. Example: Keeps on pulling at your skirt while you are having an important conversation on the phone, saying Mom, look. The Childs Behavior: Calls you over while you are trying to speak on the phone. The Effect This Behavior Has on You: You have difficulty following the conversation. The Emotion This Behavior Causes You to Feel: You feel angry. Our New Style of Expression; When you call me while I am on the phone, I cannot follow the conversation and this makes me angry. Example: Your child is on the phone with their friend talking about this and that while you expect an important phone call. The Childs Behavior: You urgently need the telephone but your child just keeps on talking and talking. The Effect This Behavior Has on You: You will miss the call you are waiting for. The Emotion This Behavior Causes You to Feel: You feel troubled and worried. Our New Style of Expression; When you chat on the phone while I am expecting an urgent phone call, I feel troubled and worried that I will miss the call. Example: Your spouse has not thrown his dirty laundry into the hamper; you are going to do the laundry and have to pick them up off the floor. Your Spouses Behavior: He has not thrown his dirty laundry into the hamper. The Effect This Behavior Has on You: You have to pick up the dirty laundry off the floor. The Emotion This Behavior Causes You to Feel: You feel irritated. Our New Style of Expression; When you dont put your dirty laundry into the hamper I have to pick them up off the floor and this irritates me. Example: Your spouse said he would pay the bills but has not, so you have to pay them on the last due date. Your Spouses Behavior: He promised to pay the bills but has not. The Effect This Behavior Has on You: You had to pay them; it was a waste of your time.
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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

The Emotion This Behavior Causes You to Feel: You felt sad, betrayed. Our New Style of Expression; Because you did not pay the bills although you had promised to, I had to pay them; I wasted time, and felt sad and betrayed. In addition to all these examples that have a negative effect on you, this method can also be used to get people, or encourage them to repeat the positive behaviors that we like. Example: Your children tidied up their room all by themselves. Because you tidied up your room I didnt have to, this saved me time and made me very happy. Example: Your children brought home a great report card. When I saw the good grades on your report card, I realized that you have learned a lot of things, and that made me happy. Now I will distribute a handout that contains some sentences. Let us determine the correct and incorrect expressions (I-language messages) used in them. (Distribute Handout 2, ask the mothers to work through the examples and give them 10 minutes to do so; once they are done, read the sentences out loud and ask the mothers to share their answers with the group.) Note to the Group Leader: You can use the Key to HANDOUT 2 while going over the mothers responses to the handout. Can you come up with any examples that you would like to share with the group? (Work through the examples the mothers provide.) As we said at the beginning of our discussion today, it is very easy to talk to children in accusatory, disapproving and judgmental ways when faced with a problem but produces no results, and we saw that it even gives rise to many unpleasant outcomes. To adopt the method we discussed today means we have to completely change our speaking style; in other words, this will be no easy task and we will need some time to reap its results. So how will we reap those results; how will our relationships with our children be when we express ourselves this way? What kind of support will we have provided to our childrens development? (Listen to the responses.) When you express yourself this way, your children will not feel guilty for the behavior they have done inadvertently. Therefore, they will not be defensive with you. Their self-esteem will not suffer damage as a result of criticism and accusations. In other words, they will begin to trust you and believe in themselves. They will feel understood, and will not criticize or accuse others. Thus you will have contributed to the social and emotional development of your children. You will have given them the responsibility to change the undesired behavior. Your children will mature and learn to take responsibility for their actions. They will realize the consequences of their behavior. Their social relationships will develop. Since you will be acting as a role model in talking about your emotions, your children will learn to recognize both their own emotions and the emotions of others, and to name them. This manner of speech will be a model for them. Your relationship with them will be strengthened.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

When you use this manner of speech to encourage desired behaviors, children will try to repeat these behaviors, and so you will have reinforced the behaviors you would like your children to acquire. In addition to all these contributions to the development of your children, since you will have expressed your thoughts and emotions as they occur feelings such as anger, rage or unhappiness will not accumulate, and instead you will feel understood. (Distribute HANDOUT 3.) Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 4, the Take Home Worksheet). (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) This week we spoke about a new method. We spoke about talking about problems that bother us and ways to express ourselves correctly; however, as is the case with any method that is new, this method is not a magic wand. We need not to give up, to use it continually. At first, it may even seem a little phony until you get used to it. But when we begin to use it on a regular basis, it will have significant benefits both for ourselves, and our children. How are you planning on expressing yourselves from now on; what will you do? How will you communicate this issue to your spouses, families or neighbors? Would you share with us in the next meeting the things you are planning on doing? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing on the Take Home Worksheet I just distributed, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

BOARD PLAN
HOW MOTHERS CAN MAKE THEIR VOICES HEARD

Ways we can express ourselves more effectively:


1. The behavior we do not want our children to do 2. The effect this behavior has on us 3. The emotion this behavior makes us feel

The parent is experiencing discomfort, has a problem.

The child is experiencing discomfort, has a problem.

Parents need to express themselves

Active listening

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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

HANDOUT 1: COMPONENTS OF WAYS MOTHERS MAKE THEIR VOICES HEARD (I-LANGUAGE)

Dear mothers, write your childrens behavior, its effect on us and the emotion it causes us to feel in brackets in the sentences below exemplifying the correct way to express ourselves (I-language messages). Example: When you play ball in the house (behavior) it causes a lot of noise and I cant watch the film on TV (effect), and this irritates me (emotion).

1. I like it very much ( from the market (

) when you help me carry the shopping on our way back ), I do not get as tired ( ).

2. When you pass in front of me while I am vacuuming ( am doing ( ), and that makes me feel uncared for (

), I have to stop what I ).

3. When you come to the dinner table without washing your hands ( appetite ( ), I cannot enjoy my dinner ( ).

) I lose my

4. When you do not put your toys back into the container when you are done ( I have to pick them up ( ), and I feel annoyed ( ).

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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

HANDOUT 2: WHICH ONE IS THE CORRECT USE OF I-LANGUAGE?

Dear mothers, which of the sentences below illustrate the correct use of how we express ourselves (correct use of I-language)? 1. When you act unreasonable when we go shopping, I feel uncomfortable in front of the sales people, I feel embarrassed. 2. When you dont put your dirty laundry into the hamper I have to pick them up off the floor and this irritates me. 3. When you are clumsy it makes me think you cannot do anything right, it makes me feel sad. 4. When you come into the house with your shoes on I have to clean the house over and over again, then I feel tired and think I am not valued. 5. When you study your schoolwork regularly it makes me think you will get good grades, and this makes me happy. 6. When you dont make your bed I feel sick, I cant get out of bed, I feel very sad. 7. When you turn the musics volume up so loud your father and I cant hear each other speak, and this bothers me. 8. When you eat candy all the time, I feel sad. 9. When you are a clever boy/girl and tidy up your room then I dont have to, and I like that. 10. When you fuss about not having any breakfast, I spend my time trying to convince you and end up being late for work, this annoys me.

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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

HANDOUT 2: For the Group Leader Answer key for the Which one is the correct I-language exercise

1. When you act unreasonable when we go shopping, I feel uncomfortable in front of the sales people, I feel embarrassed. (Wrong, what does unreasonable mean, what does your child do for you to call them unreasonable?) 2. When you dont put your dirty laundry into the hamper I have to pick them up off the floor and this irritates me. (Correct I-Language) 3. When you are clumsy it makes me think you cannot do anything right, it makes me feel sad. (What does clumsy mean, what does your child do for you to call them clumsy?) 4. When you come into the house with your shoes on I have to clean the house over and over again, then I feel tired and think I am not valued. (Correct ILanguage) 5. When you study your schoolwork regularly it makes me think you will get good grades, and this makes me happy. (Correct I-Language) 6. When you dont make your bed I feel sick, I cant get out of bed, I feel very sad. (No mention of the effect the behavior has on us, only a guilt trip) 7. When you turn the musics volume up so loud your father and I cant hear each other speak, and this bothers me. (Correct I-Language) 8. When you eat candy all the time, I feel sad. (What does all the time mean, children cannot eat candy all the time) 9. When you are a clever boy/girl and tidy up your room then I dont have to, and I like that. (What does clever boy/girl mean, what does your child do for you to call them clever?) 10. When you fuss about not having any breakfast, I spend my time trying to convince you and end up being late for work, this annoys me. (Correct ILanguage)

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How Mothers Can Make Their Voices Heard

HANDOUT 3: MOTHERS MAKE THEIR VOICES HEARD (I-LANGUAGE) Dear Parents; When certain incidents make us feel discomfort, expressing ourselves to others by using I-language messages and conveying our feelings will remove any obstacles to communication and allow us to communicate better. I-language is a style of expression that consists of the 3 main points listed below. 1. Defining the behavior we consider unacceptable in our children; in other words instead of blaming, criticizing, or making generalizations such as you always do that, talking only about their current behavior, 2. Stating the effects the behavior we find unacceptable in our children has on us (these effects might include behaviors that cause us to spend money unnecessarily, spend our time or energy in ways we do not want to), and 3. Defining the emotions that the behaviors we consider unacceptable in our children cause us to feel. Example: The child is playing ball in the house. The childs behavior: Playing ball in the house. The Effect This Has on You: A lot of noise, you find it difficult to watch TV. The Emotion This Causes You to Feel: You feel irritated. Expressing it with I-language: When you play ball in the house it makes a lot of noise I cant watch the news on TV, and this irritates me. We support our childrens development in the below ways when we use Ilanguage: When you express yourself this way, your children will not feel guilty for the behavior they have done inadvertently. Therefore, they will not be defensive with you. Their self-esteem will not suffer damage as a result of criticism and accusations. In other words, they will begin to trust you and believe in themselves. They will feel understood, and will not criticize or accuse others. Thus you will have contributed to the social and emotional development of your children. You will have given them the responsibility to change the undesired behavior. Your children will mature and learn to take responsibility for their actions. They will realize the consequences of their behavior. Their social relationships will develop. Since you will be acting as a role model in talking about your emotions, your children will learn to recognize both their own emotions and the emotions of others, and to name them. This manner of speech will be a model for them. Your relationship with them will be strengthened. When you use this manner of speech to encourage desired behaviors, children will try to repeat these behaviors, and so you will have reinforced the behaviors you would like your children to acquire. In addition to all these contributions to the development of your children, since you will have expressed your thoughts and emotions as they occur feelings such as anger, rage or unhappiness will not accumulate, and instead you will feel understood. THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY OF CONVEYING OUR EXPECTATIONS AND EMOTIONS TO OUR CHILDREN IS BY USING I-LANGUAGE MESSAGES
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POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING - I

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Show mothers the effect their parents positive behaviors had on them while they were growing up, Discuss the idea that in order to change behavior they disapprove of in their children, mothers first need to change their own attitude, Emphasize the importance of acknowledgment and encouragement in educating children. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CARTOONSDISCIPLINE METHODS HANDOUT 2: POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING HANDOUT 3: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING - I


Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take-home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take Home Worksheets the mothers filled out.)
The parents have a problem No Problem The child has a problem

Mother makes herself heard Positive methods are used (I-Language)

Active Listening

(Draw a small table on one corner of the board and link the topic to active listening and mothers making themselves heard [I-language messages].) As you can also see in the table here, in previous weeks when parents experienced distress/had a problem, they tried to make themselves heard through communication. If children were experiencing distress, parents were to actively listen to them. There were also times where you experienced no problems in your relationship with your children, where neither of you were experiencing distress. We called that time period the education area. Today (point to the darker area in the table) we will talk about how to use these time periods where neither you nor your children are experiencing distress in a way that will help children acquire inner control and develop desirable behaviors. Usually our parents behaviors affect our future behaviors; especially how we act in our relationship with our children. We take our parents as role models, assimilate their positive behaviors and repeat them in our own families. Now I would like you to return to your childhood. Think of the old days for a while. (Give the mothers sufficient time to think.) Which of your parents behaviors and attitudes do you recall as being pleasant, nice, and positive? Do you remember any words of acknowledgment they said to you when you were a child? (Offering examples from your own past will strengthen your relationships with the mothers. If the mothers do not wish to share what they remembered, do not force them to by any means. The objective here is for them to become aware of their emotions. Ask the questions below to those that shared what they remembered.) Why was that a pleasant memory? Who acknowledged your behavior? How did you feel? How did they encourage you? Did they listen to you?

Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

(Where appropriate, you can describe the examples provided by the mothers as stated below.) They told you they loved and cared for you. They acknowledged your behaviors. They were tolerant with you. They accepted your capabilities by giving you responsibilities. They accepted you as an individual. They shared with you. They allowed you to express your ideas. These examples make it possible to reach certain conclusions in relation to the positive ways our parents treated us. When we are cared for, when the things we do are accepted, and when we are loved in our early years, we all feel satisfied. We wish to repeat the behavior that garnered positive responses, and we still remember it today as a pleasant memory. This means that just as we were influenced by our parents behaviors, our own behaviors may also influence our childrens development. And this is why you are so very important for the healthy development of your children. Case Study: Now let us consider an incident that we could all experience. (Read this example out loud.) Six-year-old Zeynep and eight-year-old Orhan are siblings, they begin to fight while playing the newly bought board game, they start to yell at and hurt one another. Their mother tries to separate them. She warns them a few times. However, she cannot get through to them. Finally she runs out of patience, she feels that nobody is listening to her. What do you think the mother will do? (Listen to the answers.) You are right; the mother might act in ways we spoke about in our discussion of Negative Child-Rearing Methods. Meaning, she could yell at the children, if she has really run out of patience she might beat them or even send them to separate rooms. The children will then continue to cry. The atmosphere at home will become tense. Will this resolve the problem? (Listen to the answers.) That day the mother will think she resolved the problem in this manner. However, when children are playing the same game a few days later, the same fights will break out. Going back to the example we were talking about; what happened between the mother and the children? (Listen to the mothers answers.) Now let us try to put all the things you said into order. Zeynep and her brother Orhan got into a fight while they were playing. Fighting between siblings is an undesired behavior we disapprove of. The mothers reactions to her children were negative. She used negative discipline methods such as scolding and corporal punishment. In the end, the children still continued to fight. This means that negative responses to negative behaviors do not resolve the problem. So, what should we do? How can we change behaviors we consider undesirable in our children? (Listen to the mothers answers.) There is a saying: You reap what you sow. This really is true. But to be able to do the right thing and raise our children the way we wish to raise them, we have to first change ourselves. In short, we have to change our attitude. When children act in ways we do not want them to, our reactions to them should be positive, not negative.
Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

Negative behavior instead of Negative behavior ATTITUDE CHANGE

Positive reaction Negative reaction

This means parents are ready and determined to change their attitude from the negative to the positive. However, it is not at all easy for people to give up on lifelong attitudes and actions they are used to, all at once. To be able to accomplish this; The first thing to remember is that negative reactions such as beating, yelling at and punishing children not only are ineffective, they are harmful and must be avoided. Instead, keep in mind that positive and constructive methods may also exist. Today and next week we will discuss how we can behave toward children without harming them, what are some of the things we can do. When children engage is some undesired behavior, considering the question I WONDER WHY S/HE IS ACTING LIKE THIS? can change our attitude toward them. Trying to understand their childrens behavior will enable mothers to better understand their children. In other words, when our children do something we do not want them to do, it is important to try and understand what they are feeling. It will also make it easier to find solutions based on the reasons of the behavior. For example when children are feeling under the weather, they may have no appetite and feel bad. They may not want to finish the food on their plate. If the mother is aware of the reason underlying this change in behavior, she will not force her child to eat. Here is another example; children may not wish to go to school because they are jealous of their sibling. The fact that the mother will remain at home with the younger sibling may be disturbing for them. Children may sometimes be bad-tempered due to a reason we are unaware of. If mothers know the reason that underlies the behavior, it will be easier to figure out what her response should be. Case Study: I will now read you a story. Pay special attention to the parents behavior in the story. Alev has two children; 4-year-old Okan and 7-year-old Zeynep. One day, the two siblings were playing house and spread out their toys all over the place. As soon as they were done playing, they sat in front of the TV to watch cartoons, without first picking up their toys. The mess was too much for Alev, so she called over her children and said, Come, lets tidy up your toys together, I dont like it when the house is a mess and we have guests coming over later. That day Alev tidied up the toys together with her children. A few days later, the children were playing their favorite game, making bubbles out of water and detergent, and they were having a great time. The moment their father arrived, they left their toys right by the door. Full of excitement, they began to tell their father about their day. Alev was again very patient and said, Kids, you know I dont like it when the house is a mess. Put the glass and the water back please. Their father also joined in and said, Kids, when I got home the first thing I did was to put my shoes and jacket into the wardrobe. This way, the house stays neat. And your mother has less work to do. The children tidied up their toys without complaint.
Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

In this story, which of her childrens behaviors did Alev dislike? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, as you also said, she did not like them leaving their toys all over the place. So, what did Alev do the first time she noticed her children had not picked up their toys? (Listen to the answers.) She called them over and said, "Let's tidy up your toys together. She helped them, and guided them in instilling a new behavior she considers desirable. Parents must help their children acquire the behaviors they consider desirable. The important point here is to first teach children the behavior we want them to acquire. So until the behavior becomes habitual, it may be necessary to repeat the behavior together with the child patiently, without getting frustrated, and without giving up. And how did Alev act when the children did not pick up their toys the second time? (Listen to the answers.) Once again she spoke with them, did not yell at them or reprimand them, and told them that what they did bothered her. In other words, she behaved exactly as she did before. She was consistent. (Write the underlined section on the board.) Being consistent: What does being consistent mean? (Ask the mothers.) It is important for us to be consistent in our relationship with our children. Being consistent means not tolerating a given behavior at one time and punishing the child for it at another. It means to respond to a certain behavior the same way all the time. Had Alev been inconsistent, what would she have done? (Ask the mothers.) When the children did not tidy up after themselves the second time, instead of getting them to pick up their toys she could have said, Oh never mind, we have no guests coming over tonight, and either tidied up the toys herself or left them where they were. When a specific behavior is met with tolerance at times but results in punishment at others, it could give children conflicting messages. They will not be able to understand whether their behavior is wrong or right. And how did the father in the story treat the children? (Listen to the answers.) The fathers behavior paralleled Alevs, so he too was consistent. If the father had said just the opposite, said, Alev, let the kids be for now, they can tidy up later. What would have happened? Then the mother and father would not have been consistent in relation to one another. The mother would have said one thing, and the father, another. How do you think the children would have felt if that were the case? (Listen to the answers.) They might have been confused, thinking, What are we supposed to do; do we listen to Mom or Dad? One of the reasons why rules at home are ineffective and children become unmanageable is that parents are often inconsistent in applying them. It is important that parents are consistent in how they view the education of their children, meaning that they speak the same language when using these methods. If some behavior the child does is tolerated by the mother and punished by the father, the message the child gets is, It is fine to do this behavior when I am with Mom, but I shouldnt do it when Dad is around. It helps children acquire desired behaviors if parents responses and behaviors toward children are consistent. For example, children will find it easier to abide by familial rules when these rules and their reasons are explained to them and when parents are

Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

consistent in their implementation. In addition, the development of inner control in children will also be supported. Going back to our example; the father also set a good example by hanging up his things in the wardrobe as soon as he came home. Setting an example: As you also know well, children are very good observers. The people they observe and imitate the most are their parents. So, if parents set an example with their own behaviors, it will make it easier for their children to learn them. Setting an example (Write the underlined section on the board) is another way for children to acquire behaviors we consider desirable. Do your children imitate any of your or their fathers behaviors? Do your sons or daughters act like you or their father? (Listen to the mothers examples.) Consider your own actions; with which of your behaviors are you setting an example for your children? (Listen to the mothers responses.) For example, if a mother does not want her children to be choosy about food, she should not be choosy herself. Or if a mother wants her children to acquire a habit of washing their hands before and after meals, she should wash her hands before and after meals herself. If children are told Dont lie, lying is something very bad, but when the doorbell rings their mother says, Tell them I am not home, what will they think about the issue of lying? What do you say? (Listen to the mothers.) In previous meetings, we said each household has its own order and understanding of order. However, for the rules and prohibitions that will establish this order to be believable, parents must abide by them as well. Instead of giving children advice and commands such as, Dont put off for tomorrow what you can do today, study for your classes every day, Brush your teeth after each meal, Take off your uniform and wash your hands and face when you come home from school, or Finish the food on your plate, do you agree it would be more effective to show the behaviors expected from children by setting an example within the household? Recall your own childhood, when nobody set an example, meaning when a certain behavior was expected only of you, who among you listened to your mothers commands? They never listen to me, I tell them dont, but they look me straight in the face and do it anyway, I tell them dont touch, and they still do. . Really now, why do you think children never listen? Put yourself in your childrens place for a moment. Dont put too much salt in the food. Make the bed properly. Rinse the dishes well. Dont forget what time the children go to school. How would we feel if we were constantly reminded of these things? (Ask the mothers.) That is right; we would not want to do them just out of spite. Adults generally perceive their childrens education to be correcting or reminding them of behaviors they consider undesirable. But children can be taught right from wrong without being told dont and stop." When we say mothers need to change their attitude, think of this as an approach or style they use with their children. The important thing is to use different methods while teaching children behaviors we consider desirable.

Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

Preparing the environment: It is also important that mothers prepare the environment where children can engage in the desired behavior. (Write the underlined section on the board.) For example, in the case of helping children acquire a habit of brushing their teeth, preparations mothers make such as rolling up their sleeves so they do not get wet; placing a stool for them to stand on if they cannot reach the faucet; having scented soap ready; and hanging up a towel especially for them where they can reach it by themselves set up the environment where children can engage in the desired behavior. Preparing the environment is situation-dependent. a) Preparing the environment makes it easier for the desired behavior to take place. For example, making sure your childrens toothbrush is within their reach will facilitate the realization of the tooth-brushing behavior. b) Preparing the environment allows us to take precautions before a behavior we consider undesirable actually occurs. For instance, if children do not want to wash their hands or brush their teeth because they cannot reach the sink and become bad-tempered, mothers can place a stool in front of the sink and take precautions before this creates a problem. Providing Acknowledgment and Encouragement: Another way to get children to behave in ways we find desirable is to acknowledge and encourage their behavior. (Write the underlined section on the board.) Do you feel proud when you accomplish a given task? (Ask the mothers.) And do you like it when other people notice and recognize the task you accomplished? How do you feel? (Listen to the answers.) Similarly, acknowledging behaviors we desire in our children will not only make them happy, but also get them to repeat the behavior. Children that attempt and succeed at behaviors new for their age will feel proud of themselves. When childrens parents the people they care about and love the mostnotice their success, this makes them even happier. We said providing acknowledgment is very important. So how do we acknowledge their behavior? (Ask the mothers.) What should we pay attention to when we are proving acknowledgment? It is important to clearly state and acknowledge which of our childrens behavior we consider desirable. If your children take off their uniform and hang it up after they came home from school, you could say, It made me very happy that you hung up your clothes. The important thing is not to praise the child but to acknowledge the behavior. In other words, acknowledgment should be aimed at efforts, skills and behaviors, and not at personality. When children do something pleasant, the behavior should be acknowledged immediately. On a day you take great pains to dress up nicely, would you expect your spouse to notice right away or at some point in the future? If he did not notice right away, would you feel anxious about whether you truly look good or not? (Listen to the answers.) Children might feel the same exact sense of anxiety. It is important that rewards are not material but non-material ones. Material rewards can go as far as bribery in return for desired behaviors. Non-material incentives such as sharing with children things they like; providing verbal acknowledgment; a look, smile or touch that conveys acknowledgment; hugging; playing together; going to the playground; baking a cake together or setting time aside especially for them will be much more effective than material rewards.
Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

While parents are acknowledging their childrens behavior, they need to state their own feelings. For example: I really liked it that you finished everything on your plate. You set the table beautifully, I am so proud of you. However, in the expression of feeling, tone of voice and facial expression are also crucial if the acknowledgment is to be believable. If you say you feel very happy with a sad or expressionless face, your words will have no effect. Your attitude needs to be sincere and warm while you are expressing your feelings. Usually, thinking that it will bolster our acknowledgment sentence we say, This is what you should always do. What do you say; will this not cause the acknowledgment to get stuck in childrens throat? Would we like it if we were told, Dinner was very good, this is how you should always do it"? Only the behavior considered desirable should be mentioned if acknowledgment and encouragement are to be effective. When you acknowledge childrens behavior and state that their behavior had a positive effect on you and made you happy, will they want to repeat that behavior? Put yourself in your childrens shoes for a moment. (Listen to the answers.) Usually when any of childrens behaviors are acknowledged and accepted they like it so much, they try and spend effort to gain even more acknowledgment. This often motivates them to improve other behaviors. Today we discussed the very important changes that result when we change the attitude with which we approach our relationship with our children. Being consistent, setting an example, preparing the environment and providing acknowledgmentencouragement motivate children to engage in and repeat behaviors we consider desirable. How do you think our attitude change will benefit the development of our children? (Listen to the mothers responses.) Children whose behaviors are acknowledged will feel proud of themselves and their self-confidence will grow. Being confident will help them succeed at whatever else they attempt. When we are consistent, children will trust their family and the environment. They will grow up to be perceptive people that believe in themselves and in others.

Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

Plan and sharing: (Distribute and go over the handout with cartoons. Distribute HANDOUT 2. Distribute the Take Home Worksheet.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) Today we discussed the importance of attitude change in the positive child-rearing methods we can use. How often do you warn your children, Dont, dont touch that, do it like this? After what we talked about today, which of these expressions would you consider using less? Do your children engage in behaviors that you like? Would you consider letting your children know that you like them? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing in the take-home worksheet, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Child Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING - I
The parents have a problem No Problem Attitude Change Being consistent Setting an example Preparing the environment Providing Acknowledgment and Encouragement Mother makes herself heard Positive child-rearing methods are used Active Listening The child has a problem

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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

HANDOUT 2: POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING Dear Parents, ATTITUDE CHANGE: This means parents are ready and determined to change their attitude from the negative to the positive. However, it is not at all easy for people to give up on lifelong attitudes and actions they are used to, all at once. To be able to accomplish this; The first thing to remember is that negative reactions such as beating, yelling at and punishing children not only are ineffective, they are harmful and must be avoided. Instead, keep in mind that positive and constructive methods may also exist. When children engage in some undesired behavior, considering the question I WONDER WHY S/HE IS ACTING LIKE THIS? can change our attitude toward them. Trying to understand their childrens behavior will enable mothers to better understand their children and find solutions that suit the reason for that behavior. For example: Children that are about to get ill may have no appetite and not want to finish the food on their plate. If the mother is aware of the reason that underlies this change in behavior, she will not force her child to eat. 1. Being consistent: Mothers and fathers must be united and consistent in their response to children's behaviors. When parents are consistent, children will; Find it easier to obey rules, and Develop inner control. 2. Setting an Example: We should set an example for our children by acting in ways that we expect our children to act. 3. Preparing the environment: This means to set up the physical environment where children can enact the behavior we consider desirable. For example: If they cannot wash their hands because they cannot reach the sink, to place a stool in front of it. Preparing the environment: Makes it easier for the desired behavior to be realized, Allows us to take precautions before a behavior we consider undesirable actually occurs. Providing Acknowledgment and Encouragement: Providing acknowledgment and encouragement to children makes them happy and boosts motivation. These are the points to pay attention to when providing acknowledgment: It is important to clearly state and acknowledge which of our childrens behavior we consider desirable.

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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

For example: If they took off their uniform and hung it up in the closet when they came home from school: It made me very happy that you hung up your clothes after you changed. (The objective here is not to praise the child but to acknowledge the behavior.) When children do something pleasant, it should be acknowledged immediately. Rewards should be non-material instead of material ones. (Material rewards can go as far as to become bribery.) Non-Material Rewards: Sharing with children things they like, Providing verbal acknowledgment, A look, smile, touch or hug that conveys acknowledgment Playing together with them, Going to the playground, Baking cakes together, Setting time aside especially for them, While parents are acknowledging their childrens behavior, they must state their own feelings. For example: I really liked it that you finished everything on your plate. While we are expressing our emotions verbally, the tone of our voice and our behavior must also reflect what we are saying. We need to have a sincere and warm attitude while we are expressing our feelings. Supplementing acknowledgment sentences with expressions such as You should always finish your food like you just did, does not reinforce the behavior; on the contrary, it lessens the value of the provided acknowledgment. Attitude changes we undergo will benefit our childrens development in the below ways: When their positive behavior is acknowledged, they will feel proud of themselves and their self-confidence will grow, Their personality will develop in desired ways, High levels of self-confidence will ensure they are successful in myriad other areas, When childrens behaviors are met with consistent responses, they will trust their family and the environment, They will grow up to be confident, perceptive people.

SET AN EXAMPLE FOR YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOUR OWN BEHAVIORS.

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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

HANDOUT 1: Positive Methods of Child-Rearing 1 Dear Parents,


Ali my dear, you have to get up early in the morning for school, you can watch it over the weekend. Mom, I really want to watch the movie Good night Ali, we all have to get up early in the morning and you have school, but I promise we will watch it together over the weekend. Dad, please can I watch the movie?

When parents are consistent in behavior and attitude, this helps to make the rules at home more permanent. 2. Acknowledgment-Encouragement:

Mother: Good for you, you got dressed faster and fastened all your buttons by yourself today. You are becoming all grown up and I feel so proud of you.

Acknowledging behaviors we desire in our children makes them happy and motivates them to repeat that behavior.

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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - I

3. Setting an example:

Parents need to set an example for their children with their own behavior. Children imitate their parents.

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POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING - 2

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Discuss other positive discipline methods that can be used to cope with behaviors we disapprove of in our children. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CARTOONSPOSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING II HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING - II


Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take Home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) (Before you begin todays discussion, write the headings Attitude Change, Being Consistent, Setting an Example, Preparing the Environment, and AcknowledgmentEncouragement that were discussed during the meeting on Positive Methods of ChildRearing I on the board and establish a link with the previous week.) Consistent attitude change and setting an example may not always be enough to prevent our children from engaging in behaviors disapprove of. Today we will discuss what else we can do in order to reach our objective, which other methods we can use and ways we can permanently change behaviors we do not desire in our children. Preventive explanations: There are actually many things we can do if we want to cause positive changes in our childrens behaviors. Preventive explanations (write the underlined section on the board) are one of the positive child-rearing methods we are talking about. As the parents, we would need to decide on and clearly explain to our children which behaviors we do not want them to do. To be able to do this, it is important that we ourselves know which of their behaviors we will and will not accept. We need to explain what we expect from our children before the behavior occurs. Parents preventive explanations can ensure many undesired behaviors to be avoided before they occur. For example, if your children bring their toys to the living room and spread them all out, and if this is something that bothers you, what kind of preventive explanation could you make on some other day before they start to play and spread out their toys? (Ask the mothers. Here is a sample answer to help you: I would like the living room to be neat at all times. When you take your toys there it becomes a real mess and I feel embarrassed when we have a visitor over. I would like you to play in your room so that the living room stays neat and you can play any way you like. etc.) Explaining to children what we expect from them will prevent them from being scolded needlessly. For example: Instead of stating our expectations vaguely, such as Night time is bedtime, we can say I would like in bed by 9 PM.

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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

When making preventive explanations the tone of our voice, being firm and explaining why that behavior is undesired are all very important if we want to have an effect on children. Diverting attention to something else: Another method we can use to change undesired behaviors is to divert childrens attention to something else. (Write the underlined section on the board.) We all use this technique from time to time. Although diverting childrens attention to something else does not result in as permanent behavior change as other methods do, it can help resolve the problem at hand before the problem blows out of proportion. It can help parents resolve the encountered problem especially when children are young, around 3 to 4 years of age. It may not work with older children. Have you ever been able to put an end to behaviors you consider undesirable by diverting your childrens attention to something else? (Ask the mothers. If the examples they provide are insufficient, you can also offer some examples.) For example, if you see that your children become bored and restless when you have guests over, you might say, Could you please help me, offer our guests some sugar while I pour the tea. Considering the cause: Sometimes childrens negative behavior may be the result of some reason we have no idea about. If we can understand the reason that underlies the behavior (write the underlined section on the board), it will be much easier for us figure out what we can do to change it. For example, if your children are not eating well this might be because they are tired, about to get sick, or have some other problem. The important thing in such cases is how to reach our children. All behavior may not always have a valid reason, but children may have a valid reason for the behavior you consider undesirable and understanding that reason can help you approach them more sympathetically. Example: If your children keep on coming to your bed at night, what might be the reason for this? (Ask the mothers.) They might be afraid, feel the need for intimacy or not like their room. Example: If children insist on not eating leeks, what might be the reason for this? (Listen to the answers.) If their father does not like leeks, they may be taking their father as a role model. They may be about to get sick and have lost their appetite, or they may simply not like leeks. As we just saw, there may be many different reasons for childrens behavior. The important thing is to find the reason together with the child and try to correct that behavior. However, mothers should not decide on the reason for the behavior on their own; they should ask their children about it. Reasons we may come up with as mothers may not be valid for our children. For example, mothers that believe their children are acting spoilt by not wanting to go to bed alone at night may overlook the fact that their children are actually afraid.

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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

Ignore-Encourage: Another way we can bring an end to behaviors we consider undesirable in our children is the ignore-encourage method. (Write the underlined section on the board.) Before we can use this method we first have to determine which of our negative childrens behaviors we can ignore. We can ignore behaviors that do not bother us too much and encourage our children by acknowledging behaviors that we approve of. For example: We can encourage our children to eat without spilling their food by ignoring it when they do spill their food but watching out for and saying Look, you ate your food without spilling any; good for you, when they do not. Actually, what we should be doing instead of criticizing children is to respond positively when they exhibit behaviors we approve of. To help instill the desired behavior, encourage the child and acknowledge the behavior when the desired behavior occurs, but do not respond negatively when the behavior is very close to the expected behavior, although it may not be perfect. For example, when helping children acquire a habit of brushing their teeth, to ignore it when they do not want to brush their teeth but to immediately acknowledge it when they do brush their teeth willingly. To reinforce and encourage the behavior, instead of criticizing and reacting negatively when children are not able to do it, support their successes every time they make an attempt. Offering Choices: Another method we can use when an undesired behavior occurs is to offer the child some choices. Offering children choices (write the underlined section on the board) is to show children one or more behaviors we consider acceptable that they can do instead of the unacceptable behavior. In other words, guiding them so they can choose among behaviors we expect from them instead of just saying dont. For example, if your children are always underfoot and troublesome when you have guests over, you could say, I dont want you underfoot when we have guests over. We cant talk when you are always around. This bothers me, and it bothers our guests. When we guests over you can either play in your room/in the other room, or I can put a cushion in the corner and you can play here. Here we explained to our children why we do not want that behavior, and asked them to choose between two possible acceptable behaviors instead. When the choice is up to the children, they also assume the responsibility of the solution they chose. When you are conveying what we just talked about to your children, the tone of your voice must be calm but firm if you want to be effective. Otherwise, you may experience conflict with your children. Moreover, it will make it easier for mothers if one of the choices offered is attractive to them. Explain the consequences-negative effects of the behavior:

For children not to repeat an undesired behavior, they have to know that it is wrong. Explaining the consequences-negative effects of the behavior (write the underlined section on the board) is another method we can use. To this end, it is important that
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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

mothers speak with their children and explain to them why that behavior is wrong. This will enable children to realize the consequences of that behavior. They will learn to form cause-effect relationships. In time, they will begin to learn the consequences their behavior has on other people. They will realize they did something wrong when they see they can cause distress or pain to someone else. This will make it easier for them to correct that behavior. Case Study: Let us look at an example. Five-year-old Emre accidentally tore up his brothers homework assignment as he was trying to tear out a blank page from his brothers notebook to draw a picture. When the brother came home from school, he saw that his homework assignment was torn up and complained to their mother. If you were Emres mother, what would you say to explain to him that what he did was wrong? (Listen to the answers.) Emre, when you tore out a page from your brothers notebook without permission you also tore up his homework; he had spent the whole day on it. Now your brother has to redo his homework. Your brother rightly feels both angry and sad because now he will have to spend time on a homework assignment he had already done. I think you should apologize to him. You might want to ask him how you can help him make up for the time he lost. She might say to the brother, Emre did something he should not have done; I know you are very angry. Emre now understands what he did was wrong. Im sure he wont do it again. The aim is for children to understand why that behavior is not desired and not want to do it willingly, not because we are there monitoring them or because we do not want them to. The same thing is true for behaviors we want our children to acquire. Children should do the right thing because it is right. They should avoid inappropriate behaviors because they know it is wrong, not because they fear punishment. Explaining why a behavior is wrong and illustrating its consequences will help children understand the outcome of their behavior and why it was wrong. This way we will have taught children honesty, to be moral and conscientious as a result of inner control and figuring out what is right. In other words, we will have supported their moral development. Suggesting a possible solution: We said that by explaining to children why we do not want a certain behavior and its possible consequences, we could prevent them from repeating that behavior. However, explaining its consequences and making them regret the behavior may not always suffice. It is necessary to illustrate acceptable behaviors they can do instead of what you consider unacceptable, in other words, we need to suggest a possible solution (write the underlined section on the board). Going back to the example we discussed a little earlier, Emres mother told him he should not tear out pages from his brothers notebook to draw pictures. And what might she suggest to Emre as a possible solution? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, as you also said, she could buy Emre a notebook for him to draw in. We discussed many methods that can be used without resorting to beating or punishing children. (Go over all the methods written on the board to remind them.)
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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

There is something we need to keep in mind when we are using these methods: It is not necessary to use these methods in any particular order. Some methods may work with some behaviors but not others. For example, sometimes a behavior can only be prevented by changing the environment, but at other times, we may need to try all of the methods discussed above in order to be able to change a behavior. We may find all this difficult at times. However, the important thing is to remain firm and allow sufficient time both to ourselves, and our children, to be able to reach the desired outcome. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PUNISHMENT AND MAKING CHILDREN EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS Making children experience the consequence of the behavior: If the undesired behavior continues after you tried all the positive discipline methods, it is time for children to experience the consequences of that behavior. (Write the underlined section on the board.) (Stress that mothers must try all the positive discipline methods before they make their children experience the consequences of the behavior.) For example, to children that always break their new toys you might say, I told you about the consequences of breaking something new. I said you could fix your toys and play with them. I told you that if you wanted a new toy you would have to save up your money to buy it, and I also told you how sad it made me when you behaved this way. But you still break your toys. I have no more suggestions to make. I will not buy you any new toys until the holidays. The aim here is not to dole out punishment but to make children experience the consequences of their actions. However, the two are easily confused. What is the difference between punishment and making children experience the consequences of their actions? With punishment, children are punished immediately after the undesired behavior occurs. But in experiencing the consequence of the behavior, the mother first exhausts all positive discipline methods in order to bring an end to the undesired behavior. The idea that punishment conveys is this: You upset me, so I am upsetting you. And the idea conveyed by experiencing the consequence of the behavior is this: I tried all the positive methods, but you still did not change your behavior. To bring an end to this behavior, I have no other choice but to make you experience the consequences of your actions. Punishment entails actions that will upset the child the most. In making children experiencing the consequence of their behavior, the object that is causing the undesired behavior is taken away from them. For example, it is punishment if mothers ground their children and impose a daytime curfew because they played with a ball at home and broke a window, without trying any of the positive discipline methods first. However, if she first tries the many methods we just discussed, and later says, I told you not to play with a ball at home. I explained to you how this is damaging to us, how we would have to spend our savings, which we need for our many needs, on a new pane of glass. But you keep on doing what I told you not to. So, I am taking your ball away for a week, then she will have made the child experience the consequences of their actions. In other words, it means to deprive

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

them not of something that is completely irrelevant to the behavior but relevant to it. In the case above, the child will have the opportunity to think about what they did wrong while they are experiencing the negative effects of playing ball at home. Before making children experience the consequences of their actions, we must first consistently apply all the methods we just talked about and explain to them what we are doing. If we make them experience the consequences of their behavior before trying these methods and explaining to them why we are implementing them, they will not understand what we are trying to do and thus feel punished. The attitude and facial expressions we assume while we put into effect all of the above, are also extremely important. Here are some tips to look out for in the implementation of positive discipline methods: We need to take childrens age into consideration when forming expectations about them. We should not ask them to do things they are unable to do. For example, we should not ask a 6-year-old to baby-sit their 3-year-old sibling while we are not home, or expect a 1-year-old to go to the bathroom by themselves. We should teach them how to do the tasks we want from them. For example, if we expect them to fold their sweater after taking it off, we should first show and teach them how it is done. We should state what we want from them in a firm and determined tone of voice. We should not make promises about things we will not be able to do. For instance, we promise we will take them to the playground, on an outing, but we dont keep these promises. We should keep our promises no matter what. Only then will children develop trust towards us and their environment, and in the future, learn to keep the promises they make. We should never lie to children. Instead of material rewards such as money, toys, clothes, or other items, we should use nonmaterial ones such as cooking a dish they like or sharing something with them (playing together, going to the playground, etc). We should be consistent and firm. For these methods to be effective, they need to be implemented consistently and patiently over a given period of time. These methods are not a magic wand. It will be take time for them to be effective. Together we discussed negative methods of child-rearing, communicating with children, and positive methods of child-rearing. Now let us all consider this question. How should we proceed if our aim is to raise children who know what to do and not to do, who can decide by themselves which behavior is right and which behavior is wrong? (Listen to the mothers. Get them to state their opinions. After listening to what they have to say, first answer any questions they may have and then offer the information below.) Parents positive and negative reactions to their children play an important role in childrens development. Children raised with positive methods grow up to be more secure and healthy people. As we mentioned in both meetings, it would be beneficial to use discipline methods that develop childrens inner control. So, how do you think these methods might be useful? (Ask the mothers.) If all these methods are used, it is likely that the child-parent relationship will become
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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

a close and warm one. Children will not be subject to needless accusations and physical and emotional abuse. Since children will know the reasons that underlie the rules of the familywhich were set as a familythey will try to abide by them and conflicts will thus arise less. Because their inner control will develop, children will be able to accept these rules and abide by them of their own accord, without the need for external prompting. And that is the result we wish to achieve with our own children. For them to accept rules such as brushing their teeth, taking a shower, doing their homework on time, tidying up after themselves etc. and abide by them without the need for constant prompting. Plan and sharing: (Distribute and go over the handout with cartoons. Distribute the take home worksheet to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) Are you planning on using the methods we talked about today to change behaviors you consider undesirable in your children? Which of these methods are you planning on using to change which behavior of your children? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing in the take home worksheet, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
POSITIVE METHODS OF CHILD-REARING - II

Attitude Change Being consistent Setting an example Changing the environment Providing Acknowledgment and Encouragement Preventive explanations Diverting attention to something else Considering the cause Ignore-encourage Offering Choices Explaining the consequences-negative effects of the behavior Suggesting a possible solution Punishment Punishment is immediate You upset me, so I am upsetting you Children are deprived of things they like the most Making Children Experience the Consequence of the Behavior All methods are used I have no other options left The object that causes the negative behavior gets banned

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Instead of doing this,

Openly state your feelings.


I don't like it when you rummage though everything Just wait till your father gets home tonight! Choose three nice lemons please

Instead of doing this,

Suggest a possible solution.

God damn you! No TV for you tonight!

Dear Parents,

Instead of doing this, Help them correct the erroneous behavior


Pick up what you knocked over and put them where they belong.

Instead of doing this,

Clearly state your expectations and give them options to choose from.
If I see you touching it again, I am going to spank you. Ali, no touching. Either stay here with me without touching anything, or wait for me outside. Your decision.

Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

INSTEAD OF PUNISHMENT

However, let us say he still would not listen to his mother. He misbehaved so much his mother had to leave the store. In that case, the next day, without giving them any advice, let them experience the consequences of their misbehavior.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

You touched it again, bad boy

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Positive Methods Of Child-Rearing - 2

LET THEM EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR MISBEHAVIOR


Mom, where are you going? Shopping. I want to come with you! Not today.

Why?

You tell me.

Because I touched everything yesterday.

There you go.

I'm sorry, I won't do it again.

We'll see some other day but today, I am going shopping alone.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

11

CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHODS

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Show mothers that experiencing conflict within the family is natural, Enable them to apply conflict resolution methods, Illustrate the contributions parents make to their childrens development when correct methods are applied. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHODS HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHODS


Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother to contribute to the discussion. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheets the mothers filled out.)

The parents have a problem

No Problem

The child has a problem

Parents express themselves

Positive methods are used

Active Listening

If you remember, we had a behavior window. (Draw the behavior window and make your explanations by pointing to all three areas.) Regarding this window, we had said that when children had a problem, listening to them actively would help them find a suitable solution; and when we had a problem, expressing ourselves would help us feel relieved and enable our children to understand us. And about the no problem area in the middle; we had said that during that peaceful time, when nobody in our family felt any distress, we could put into effect the positive methods we learned. However, not everything goes the way we want it to sometimes; at times both you and your children may experience problems. For example, you might be tired and wish to quietly read a book or rest; your children may want to listen to music at a volume you consider too loud, they may want to stay over at a friends that evening but you might want them to come home early; or they may not want to study for school but you might want them to acquire a habit of studying regularly. In cases like these, both parties may experience a problem. In other words, listening to children actively or making ourselves heard is sometimes of no use. Each party considers what they are doing to be important and is not willing to cooperate with the other. Unfortunately, we then experience conflict. I am sure that everyone here has experienced arguments at home where your needs conflicted with those of your children, where nobody was happy with the outcome. How do you feel when such incidents occur? (Listen to the answers.) It is as if everything goes back to the start and you think nothing works; and that times of peace are transient or coincidental; or maybe you feel hopeless at times. Today we will
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

discuss how you can cope with conflicts that may arise between you and your children. Do you think it is normal for arguments to take place in families, and that never arguing means everything is going well? (Listen to the answers.) Conflict is not always something bad. And relationships in families where conflicts never occur may even be not as healthy. For example, children of extremely authoritarian parents may obey what they are told out of fear; they may not resist and no conflicts may arise, but can we say such children have good relationships with their parents? No. And children that can express their wishes during a familial argument, meaning a conflict, will get along much better with their parents. Children will also realize their parents needs. Since there will be mutual communication, the relationship will be enriched. We had talked about the importance of accepting the children at home as individual people in their own right. Everyone has different needs. Each individual at home attributes different levels of importance to different events. At times when you need some peace and quiet, you may find it unbearable that your husband is watching the news with the volume up high or your children are listening to loud music. This is very normal. You want peace and quiet, your husband wants to watch the news, see what is happening in the world. Your child has had a wonderful day and wants to listen to music at home. Everyone at home is right from their own point of view. The situation does not require that the children obey their parents or the parents give in to their children. They can try to find a compromise that will be acceptable to all. Now let us examine an incident that could any one of us could experience: Let us say that I am your daughter and my name is Zeynep; I do not spend as much time on my homework as you think I should, I prefer to watch TV at dinner time, instead of sitting down to dinner as a family I take a plate of food if I am hungry and settle down in front of the TV. In a case like this, what would you say to me (your child)? (Ask the mothers to respond, after some answers have been provided say, Now lets take the things you said and turn them into a conversation, and work through the example below. You assume the role of the child and ask one of the mothers in the group to volunteer for the role of the mother.) Role Play: Mother: Zeynep, dearest, stop watching TV, youre going to ruin your eyes. Zeynep: No I wont. Mother: And you havent done your homework, if you get a failing grade tomorrow don't come running to me. Zeynep: I have no homework. Mother: Zeynep dont make me yell at you, dont make me come over there, you know what happens when I do. Zeynep: ........................ Mother: Your father is home as well, and we have started dinneryour food will get cold, you can watch TV later. Zeynep: Im not hungry. What do you say; were we able to convince one another? (Listen to the answers.) No.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

What do you think might happen at the end of such a conversation, how would you end this conversation as a mother? (Ask the mothers, classify the responses as authoritarian or permissive and write them on the board.) Mother: Do as you please Its up to you (and similar answers.) (Permissive style.) Sometimes mothers give in and allow their childrens undesired behavior to continue, ignore what the children are doing, and let them be. Is this a desired outcome? No, because we expect our children to abide by the rules of our home. When they do not act as we want them to, we cannot cope with it and let them do as they please. Yet, we are not happy with the situation either. It is our excessively tolerant attitude toward our children that cause them to disregard all rules and act as they please. Since an excessively tolerant attitude does not produce desired results, we need to change this attitude in our relationship with our children. Or; Mother: (The mother comes over and turns off the TV.) I told you to come to dinner you will come when I tell you to To your room, right now! Youll stay in your room until this movie is over (And similar answers.) (Authoritarian style.) Sometimes mothers do not listen to their childrens needs and use their authority to get their way. In such cases, children give in. They are afraid of their mother and obey them without wanting to or understanding why. So, is this a desired outcome? No, because we do not want children to be afraid of their parents, obey rules only because they are afraid, or grow up to be excessively obedient or weak children. At any rate, in setting rules our aim is to raise our children well, not for them to experience negative effects like these. All the undesired outcomes we talked about result from our authoritarian or permissive parenting styles. Since an authoritarian attitude does not produce desired results either, we need to change this attitude in our relationship with our children. Let us go back in time now; did you ever experience any problems with your parents where you just could not reach an agreement, could not resolve; can you give us any examples? (Listen to the mothers examples, ask them if they were able to reach an agreement with their parents or not, discuss how they felt when they were and were not able to reach an agreement. Who gave in, who obeyed the rules?) And now, let us try a different method, one you have not tried before, and see if it works or not? Let us now play our game again. One of you be the mother, another one be the father, and I will be your daughter Zeynep again, we will try to find a solution to this problem all together. Example; (Two volunteers assume the role of the mother and the father, the Group Leader acts as the child and they work through the scenario below.) One day Zeynep once again takes her plate and settles down in front of the TV instead of sitting down to eat with her parents, this time her parents do not say anything to her. After Zeynep is done watching TV, they have finished their meal and they are all sitting
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

together, Zeyneps parents tell her they would like to speak with her. (The Group Leader makes the statement above to remind the group about the issue.) Role Play: Mother: Zeynep, I dont like it when you sit down in front of the TV at dinner time and neglect your school-work. We cant sit together as a family during dinner, and I also worry you will get failing grades because you dont study. Father: And I miss you Zeynep, we would like to be together as a family at least during dinner. Child: I would like to sit down to dinner all together as well, but the best shows are on at that time and I dont want to be called to dinner when that TV show is on. Mother: If I understand you correctly, watching that show is very important to you. Child: Yes Mom, all my friends watch that show. Father: You dont like missing a show that your friends also watch, do you? Child: (In a sad tone of voice) No, everyone at school talks about this show. They make fun of those that dont watch it Mother: Then let us find a solution to our problem all together. You absolutely want to watch this show, and we want to be with you during dinner time. Also, because you feel sleepy after the show, you aren't able study enough. Do you have any suggestions, what can we do? Child: How about we eat dinner all together in front of the TV? Thats so much fun! Mother: Yes, but wont the TV prevent us from understanding one another, and will you be able to follow what youre watching? Child: Thats true; then lets eat when my show is over; anyway Im usually not hungry because I have a snack when I come home from school. Mother: We eat early because your father wants to eat when he comes home, you know that. Father: We can eat dinner at a later time. I am curious about what you have been doing all day and would like us to sit down to dinner as a family. Mother: What are your thoughts about your studies? Child: I start doing my homework while Im at school. Mother: Even though you begin to do your homework at school, you need to study when you come home from school until this show begins, so you can finish it. So you should not sit down in front of the TV as soon as you come home. Child: OK, Ill finish my homework when I get home. And before I go to bed we can go over it with you, if youll help me? Mother: Well then, lets go over what we just talked about. You will rest a little when you get home from school, then finish your homework. And I will help you and go over it before you go to bed. Father: And I will not sit down to dinner as soon as I get home, but wait for your show to end. This way we will have the chance to sit down all together. Lets try what we talked about for a week, what do you say? Child: (laughs) OK Dad, but now I have to do my homework (she runs to her room). What do you think happened here, what did Zeynep and her parents do to solve their problem? (Ask the mothers to discuss and analyze the example. The Group Leader listens to the mothers responses.) Very well, let us go over what you said all together and put them into order. First of all, Zeyneps parents chose the best time to speak with Zeynep. In other words, they expressed their desire to speak together not at a time when either they or Zeynep
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

were angry and annoyed, but at a time when they were all calm and capable of generating solutions. The time we choose to resolve a problem is very important. Looking out for the right time when all parties are ready to listen to one another is also important in understanding the desires and needs of the other party. And here, Zeyneps parents ate their dinner, waited for Zeyneps show on TV to end; then said they wanted to talk. Also, the parents accepted that their daughter is an individual in her own right and said they wanted to speak with her. Accordingly, they accepted that their daughter could have her own thoughts and ideas and provided the environment for her to explain them. They decided to resolve their problem. As a result of her parents actions, Zeynep found the opportunity to express her ideas freely, with no fear. Family members communicated effectively and created the opportunity to share their problems and understand one another. Then; 1. They expressed the problem they were experiencing, the issue that was bothering them, without accusing one another. They did this at a time when both the child and the parents could speak at ease. (Write this on the board.) What was the problem? Zeynep wanted to watch a show on TV. Her parents wanted to sit down to dinner together and for her to study for school. Her parents expressed what was bothering them. In doing so they did not accuse Zeynep, they also listened to her actively and spent effort to hear what she considered important. 2. They spoke together and generated solutions they believed would solve their problem. (Write this on the board.) What were these solutions? Zeynep offered to eat in front of the TV (discarded because it was not acceptable to her mother). Zeynep asked to change the time they sat down to dinner (her father said they could change the time they sat down to dinner and he could wait until Zeyneps show was over). Her mother suggested that Zeynep finish her homework when she came home from school (Zeynep accepted the suggestion). Zeynep asked her mother to help her and go over her homework before she went to bed (Her mother accepted the suggestion). As possible solutions were being generated, nobody criticized anyone, which allowed them to speak freely with one another. 3. They assessed possible solutions. (Write this on the board.) They talked about all the possible suggestions. They agreed on not putting into effect the suggestions that were inappropriate. 4. They made decisions and reached an agreement. (Write this on the board.) Based on their discussion, Zeynep decided to finish her homework when she came home from school. Her father decided to sit down to dinner after Zeyneps TV show ended. All three were happy with the outcome. None of them were unhappy. 5. They generated ways to implement the solution. (Write this on the board.) They decided on who would do what. The father will not to sit down to dinner as soon as he comes home but wait for Zeynep's show to end; the mother will go over Zeynep's homework before Zeynep goes to bed, etc... At this stage, talking
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

about problems that may arise and taking precautions to prevent them is important in ensuring the solution decided on is a success. 6. Monitoring and assessing whether or not the solution works. (Write this on the board.) They decided to try the solution they decided on all together, for a week. During this week, everyone is to abide by the conditions decided on, and will be responsible for what they said they would do. Nobody is to intervene in what the others are doing. Now let us summarize what was done: In short, the parents and the child first figured out what the problem was, they looked for possible solutions together, they decided on a suggestion that worked for everyone, and finally, they decided to try it for a specific period of time. Also, if any problems come up at the end of the trial week, the family members have to come together, reassess each stage of the solution, and find out where the problem occurred. Why do you think Zeynep was convinced and happy with the solution in the last example we looked at and not the first one? (Listen to the examples and classify the responses.) Did you ask why Zeynep wanted to watch TV? No. As parents, did you tell Zeynep why you wanted to see her at the dinner table? No. You only told the child a decision that you considered important, and expected her to obey it. Were you able to achieve what you wanted by acting this way? No you were not. Children will be more willing to put a decision into effect if they also have a say in the decision that is made. Since everyone will have offered possible solutions, nobody will try to put pressure on anyone else. When their parents listen to them, children feel they have been taken seriously, that they are important, and a member of the family. They find the opportunity to share their thoughts. Now recall what we spoke about in the past weeks; how did children act and feel when parents were oppressive and used obstacles to communication? (Listen to the answers.) When children were oppressed, they often became aggressive, stopped communicating, sometimes lied, and develop a submissive, withdrawn personality. All this had a negative effect on their development overall. How do you think Zeyneps mother contributed to her daughters development by giving her such an opportunity, by looking for a solution together and by speaking with her? (Listen to the answers.) Looking for solutions together helps develop thinking skills in children. Which developmental area do you think this would contribute to? (Listen to the answers.) When children think in detail about a given problem, try to generate possible solutions and use these skills, this contributes to their cognitive development. When children see conflicts resolved in a constructive manner, they will be prepared for conflicts that may arise outside the home in the future and improved their skills in coping with them. How does generating solutions that make both parties happy affect the relationship between parents and children? (Listen to the answers.) It prevents
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

feelings like anger and rage from accumulating; it brings family members closer. Since solutions that make everyone happy are sought when family members disagree, mutual affection, love and respect follows, and a close relationship is formed. In addition, when childrens thoughts are taken seriously, they feel secure and satisfied. This supports childrens socio-emotional development. Since children are not interrogated, criticized or accused during the conversation, they do not feel the need to resort to lies, and this contributes to their moral development. Now let us work through another example (Enact the example below with three volunteers from the group). Example: You are planning on going to the open air market to do your weekly grocery shopping. You would like your son to come with you and help carry the goods you buy. But your son Ali wants to be with his friends. You are unable to reach an agreement with your son. How would you resolve this problem? Here, to define the problem correctly, we first have to determine the needs of each party. What is your need? (Listen to the answers.) Someone to help you carry the goods you will buy at the market. What does your son Ali need? (Listen to the answers.) To be with his friends. Let us now act out this example Role Play: Mother: Ali, we have to do the grocery shopping together, although we talked about this in the morning youre still not ready, Im running short on time and this really displeases me. Ali: Mom, I know I promised to come but I want to go over to my friend's house. Everyone is meeting at Ahmets. Anyway, why do I always have to come shopping with you, why cant Cem (his brother) come with you? Mother: It annoys you to come shopping with me every week. You want to share this chore with your brother. Ali: Yes Mom, I feel really tired on the day we do the weekly shopping. And all my friends meet at someones house on that same day. Mother: You dont like missing these meetings with your friends, do you? Ali: (In a sad voice) No, at these meetings they do their homework together, and then they play together. Mother: Then come, lets call Cem over as well and find a solution to our problem all together. (They call Cem over.) Mother: Cem, your brother does not want to miss meeting with his friends on Wednesdays, the day I have to do the shopping. And I need someone to help me carry the things I buy Do either of you have any suggestions, what can we do? Ali: Cem can come with you Cem: I would love to come with you. Mother: Of course Cem can come, but because he is younger we might find it difficult to carry the shopping. Can we come up with another solution? Would it help if we changed the time I go shopping? Ali: Sure, if we can go a little earlier I can also make it to my friends. Cem: Mom, I help you at home, I can also help you carry the shopping.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

Mother: I can go shopping with Cem one week and with Ali the next. Ill try to buy lighter goods on the weeks I go with Cem. And Ali, on the weeks we go with you we can leave earlier so that you can also make it to your friend's. Does this solution work for everyone? The children (together): Yes Mother: Well then, lets go over what we just talked about. This week I will go shopping with Cem and buy lighter things. Next week Ali and I will go a little earlier so he can meet his friends. .... Lets try what we talked about for a month, what do you say? Ali: (laughs) OK Mom, actually I really like going to the open air market, it is so colorful and fun. Cem: I love it too. Ill be ready in a minute. In this example, the mother and the children identified the problem that troubled one another, offered possible solutions to one another, and decided on a suggestion both parties want to try out. They decided to try it for a specific period of time. If the decision does not work or if there is a problem at any point, they will go back to the beginning and assess what they did and what else they might do. We could come up with more examples. Do you experience conflict with your children? (Listen to the answers, evaluate an example of conflict offered by the group, ask the mothers to determine the needs of both parties in the example and to abide by the steps to follow in using this method. If no examples are offered, use the one below and again ask the mothers to identify the needs of both parties and use the steps of the conflict resolution method.) Example: When you come home from work you feel very tired and would like to sit and rest until dinner time, to spend some time by yourself. Your child wants to play with you the second you come home from work. As you can see, this method is quite difficult to implement. It requires consistency in the decisions you make, and a lot of effort. It also requires that you trust the decisions children make. However, when all these are done, the conflicts between you and your children disappear and moreover, as we spoke about a little earlier, you also contribute to your childrens development.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

Plan and sharing: (Distribute HANDOUT 2, the Take Home Worksheet). (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) In our meeting today we talked about the things we can do when our needs are in conflict with our childrens needs, ways we can resolve conflicts. Do any of you have problems with your children or other people around you where you experience conflict and would like to resolve? How are you planning on resolving these problems, by doing what? How will you communicate this issue to your spouses, families or neighbors? Would you share with us in the next meeting the things you are planning on doing? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing in take home worksheet it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

10

BOARD PLAN
CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHODS

Steps of the method: 1. Defining the conflict (problem), 2. Generating possible solutions, 3. Assessing the possible solutions, 4. Deciding on the best possible solution, 5. Determining how the decision will be put into effect, 6. Monitoring how the solution is put into effect so as to be able to assess it.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

11

Conflict And Conflict Resolution Methods

HANDOUT 1: CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHODS Dear Parents, When we experience a problem with anyone around us, expressing ourselves (Ilanguage), actively listening to the other person and using positive discipline methods may not suffice. Both parties have different needs, their needs are in conflict. Example: The child wants to watch TV during dinner time The parents need: To eat together with the child The childs need: To watch TV Conflict resolution methods: 1) Discuss the problem in an environment and at a time when people can talk freely without accusing one another, 2) Ensure everyone involved generates possible solutions and expresses them, 3) Assess all of the possible solutions that are generated one by one, and decide on the best solution to put into effect, 4) Determine how the generated solution will be put into effect, in other words decide on who is to do what, 5) Monitor and assess whether or not the solution works during the specified time period, if any problems arise, work toward overcoming that problem or generate a new solution to put into effect. Benefits of the Method: Participating in the process of generating solutions helps develop childrens thinking skills. Helps develop problem solving skills. Since people express their needs to one another, anger does not accumulate. Relationships are close, sincere, and secure. Has a positive effect on childrens socio-emotional development. Because children are not accused and interrogated, they do not feel the need to lie, thus it also has a positive effect on moral development.

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER WITH OUR CHILDREN WHEN RESOLVING PROBLEMS

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

12

APPLYING THE LEARNED METHODS IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Remind mothers of the negative discipline methods that should not be used in child-rearing, Make mothers realize that they may be using these negative discipline methods with people other than their children, Remind mothers of the positive discipline methods that should be used in childrearing, Make mothers realize that positive discipline methods can be used with other people and help them establish stronger relationships. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Applying The Learned Methods In Relationships With Other People

APPLYING THE LEARNED METHODS IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE


Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheets the mothers filled out.)
Wrong The parents have a problem No Problem
Ignore-encourage Prepare environment Set an example Explain the consequences of the behavior Make them experience the consequences of the behavior

The child has a problem Wrong

Making yourself heard

Education area

Active Listening

Today let us recall our past meetings and go over the behavior window once more. (Draw the behavior window. Go over the behavior window and discuss with the mothers, when the child and the parents had a problem, what behaviors did not work? What had we decided to do instead of the behavior that produced no results? What were the positive discipline methods we used in the no problem area? Go over the window according to the examples listed below.) Let us all try to remember now; what did we usually do when our children experienced distress, meaning when one of their needs was not met, one of their behaviors was prevented or when they encountered some difficulty? (Listen to the mothers. Write their answers under the word wrong on the right hand side.) Yes, we judged them, scolded them, gave them advice; we cautioned and consoled them. When the opposite was true, meaning when we experienced the problem, what did we usually do to express our discomfort? (Listen to the mothers. Write their answers under the word wrong on the left hand side.) To make ourselves heard we yelled, accused the other person, threatened them, at times we even resorted to violence. However, acting this way prevented us from establishing good relationships and communicating well with other people. What was it that we had to do when the person we were interacting with, or our children, experienced distress? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, the only thing we had to do was to listen to them.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Applying The Learned Methods In Relationships With Other People

Similarly, it was extremely important that we expressed ourselves correctly when we experienced a problem. We did this by expressing our emotions about the incident at hand without making any accusations, by revealing what was bothering us and making ourselves heard. There was also a no problem area in our behavior window. We had decided that the time period represented by this area, where neither party (mother or child) experienced a problem, was the best time to instill desired behaviors in our children and establish the grounds for healthy communication. What were the negative discipline methods we had decided not to use while raising our children? Do you remember? (Get the answers from the mothers and add anything that is missing.) Yes, we had decided against using negative methods of child-rearing such as corporal punishment, scolding, cursing, making fun of, punishing, withholding love, stopping communication, threatening, and frightening our children. We saw that these methods neither put an end to childrens undesired behaviors, nor help them acquire desired ones. We had also said that these methods could affect our relationship with our children negatively. Let us consider today other people in our environment, apart from our children. Let us examine our relationships with people in our immediate environment. Apart from our children, who else are we in constant interaction with? Our spouses, mothers, mothers-in-law, siblings, neighbors, fathers-in-law, co-workers. Think about it; do we use these negative behaviors only with our children? (Listen to the mothers answers.) Yes, as you also noted, there are times when we engage in negative behaviors including stopping communication, yelling or threatening people including our spouses, mothers, mothers-in-law and friends. For example: Feeling angry with our spouse and stopping communication with them, or complaining about our mother-in-law to our spouse. And what is the result when we act in these ways? (Repeat the responses in the following format: So you get into fights; they continue to do the same thing; you are left feeling angry," etc.) So, the negative discipline methods that did not get us anywhere with our children are also of no use when we use them with other people; moreover, they can damage our relationships with others. And what were the positive discipline methods we used to correct undesired behavior in our children and help them acquire desired ones? Let us recall them together. (Get the answers from the mothers and add anything that is missing. As the mothers list the positive methods, write them on the board or on a large sheet of paper you hung up on the wall, and add anything that is missing. Keep the list on the board until the end of the meeting.) Yes, making preventive explanations, acknowledgment-encouragement, ignoreencourage, prepare the environment, set an example, listen, for mothers to express themselves, explain the negative consequences of their behavior, conflict resolution methods, and make children experience the consequences of their behavior.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Applying The Learned Methods In Relationships With Other People

(Split the mothers into three groups and give each group two case studies. Ask them to discuss the issue in the small groups. Give them 15 minutes for discussion. Ask them, How would you feel in a case like that? How would you resolve the issue? Which of the positive methods they use with their children might cause behavior change in other people around them and improve their relationships with them? The necessary questions and information to summarize what was discussed in the small groups, add anything that is missing, and share the discussion in the large group, are given below for each case study.) Case studies: 1. A father that cannot set aside some time to spend with his children 2. A father that beats his children 3. A mother that interferes in her daughters and grandchildrens lives 4. A mother-in-law that complains about her daughter-in-law to other people 5. A neighbor that makes a lot of noise 6. A neighbor that gossips a lot Your husband does not set aside some time to spend with the children. Is this the case for any of you? Or what would you do if you encountered such an incident? (Listen to the mothers.) What would you do in a case like this? (Try to get the mothers to answer. If the answers include comments such as, You never think of the kids, How about taking an interest in our children instead of the TV? You never take any responsibility for the children and I am sick and tired of it, you are so inconsiderate, Youd think I brought these kids with me from home, and does his highness care? direct the discussion by saying, Think about everything we have been talking about in the past weeks; remember what you learned. Think not what you would do in the past, but what do I need to do right not to resolve this problem?) (Summarize the mothers responses by linking them to positive methods.) Providing acknowledgment: Look out for moments he plays with the children and acknowledge his behavior. Thank you dear, I was able to clear up in the kitchen quickly because you were playing with the children. And they were very happy to spend time with you. Listening: Your husband may have come home tense after the worries of the day. In such cases, show him you understand and are ready to listen by saying things like, You look very tired, or You seem really upset. Later, after he has relaxed, you can say the children missed him a lot and want to play with him. Expressing yourself: Instead of using accusatory language, saying something like, "After you come home, when you dont spend some time with the children before they go to bed they become very irritable. And that makes me very sad. Your husband has a quick temper and beats the children often. Does this every happen to you? Or what would you do if you encountered such an incident? (Listen to the mothers.) Which of these methods can we use? Which might be useful? (Point to the positive methods on the board as you ask the question.) Explaining the negative consequences of their behavior: Explaining why we dont want him to beat the children and the damage he can cause to them by doing so.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Applying The Learned Methods In Relationships With Other People

Expressing yourself: Saying we feel sad when he loses his temper and beats the children, both for the children and because he feels so angry. Saying things like, Our children and you are all important to me, I dont want any of you to get hurt. Acknowledgment-encouragement: Making sure we acknowledge his actions when he resolves a problem by talking with the children or using any of the other positive methods. Setting an example: We should set an example for our husband by never beating and scolding our children. Your mother interferes in the things you do and how you discipline your children: Have you experienced something similar to this with your own mothers? Or, what would you do in a case like this? (Listen to the mothers.) Which of these methods can we use? Which might be useful? (Point to the positive methods on the board as you ask the question.) Acknowledgment-encouragement: On a day our mother does not interfere with a problem concerning our children, we could say, Thank you Mom for not interfering while I was talking with the kids, they listened to me better when you didnt encourage them. Expressing the reason and our emotions: Mom, when you defend the children they dont listen to me, and then I have to yell at them to make them listen to me and this really upsets me. When we explain it like this, our mother might be able to understand the outcome of her actions, she might feel regretful and comprehend how her actions make us feel. Preparing the environment and taking precautions: If our mother cannot help herself and interferes in our discussions with our children, we could try to have such discussions at times and places when she is not present, as much as possible. This will allow us to prevent the problem before it even occurs. Setting an example: We should also refrain from interfering when our mother says something to our children. Children feel uneasy or try to take advantage of the situation when they feel the people around them are not in consensus about how they should be disciplined. We should not be the cause of this; instead we should set an example for our mother with our own behavior. Your mother-in-law complains about you to other people: What would you do in a case like this? (Listen to the mothers, add anything that is missing.) Which of these methods can we use? Which might be useful? (Point to the methods on the board as you ask the question.) Ignore-encourage: Close your ears to her complaints. Instead, when she does not complain but says something nice about you, state that her behavior made you very happy. Expressing yourself: If you say something like, I feel really terrible when people complain about me to other people. Mother, I would prefer it if you talked to me when there is something bothering you, your mother-in-law might feel remorse instead of trying to defend herself. This might even result in her never

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Applying The Learned Methods In Relationships With Other People

complaining about you ever again. However, as is the case with children, she will need time to change her behavior. Setting an example: Never complain about your mother-in-law to others, especially not your husband. Explaining the negative consequences of the behavior: You could ask your mother-in-law what other people will think when she complains about you to them, and state that this makes you feel upset. You could also say you are uneasy about your children picking up on something like this, and that she is setting a bad example for them. Let us say your upstairs neighbor makes a lot of noise, especially during the night when you are in bed. What would you do in a case like this? (Listen to the mothers.) Which of these methods can we use? (Point to the board as you ask the question.) Preventive explanations and expressing yourself: We could go over to our neighbors home and explain our problem. My younger daughter is a light sleeper. When she hears the slightest noise from upstairs she wakes up immediately and it takes a long time for her to go back to sleep. The walls are so thin, the noise really echoes on our floor. Acknowledgment-encouragement: Going upstairs and thanking the neighbor if the noise ceases after your talk. Let us say that one of your neighbors that you frequently see is gossiping about you and your children: What would you do if you had such a neighbor? If you did not want to end your friendship with your neighbor, which of the positive methods we discussed would you use? Which do you think would be the most helpful? (Listen to the mothers.) Expressing yourself: Because I dont want our friendship to suffer, I want to tell you that I would prefer it if you came and talked to me first if there is something that bothers you about me and my children. Acknowledgment and encouragement: Show how happy it makes you when she shares with you whatever it is that is bothering her. Setting an example: Set an example by sharing a problem you might have with your neighbor with her, instead of talking about it with others. Explaining the negative consequences of their behavior: Explain that the uneasiness or difficulties experienced between two people cannot be resolved when other people come into the picture. In some cases, despite having expressed ourselves, listened actively to the other person and tried all of the positive methods, our husband, children, mother-in-law or spouse may not change the way they act. Sometimes not everything works out as we wish it would; both you and the other person may feel uncomfortable about the situation at hand. For example, you might be tired and wish to quietly read a book or just rest, whereas your husband might turn up the volume high as he watches the game, and ask you for a cup of coffee. In cases like these, both parties may experience a problem. In other words, making yourself heard or listening to your husband actively is sometimes of no use. Their needs and desires are important for both parties, and neither party is willing to cooperate with the other. As a result, unfortunately we experience conflict.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Applying The Learned Methods In Relationships With Other People

If you remember, we discussed a method we could use in cases of conflict like this during when we covered the Conflict Resolution Methods topic. What method did we follow to resolve the conflict? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, both parties have to express what is bothering them without accusing one another. Next, they have to generate possible solutions they believe might resolve the problem and assess these solutions. Finally, they have to put these solutions into effect, monitor to see if they work or not, and assess the outcome. Now lets return to the example above. You want your husband to spend time with the children when he comes home from work, but he always comes up with an excuse and says he is tired. Despite having used positive methods, you were not able to reach the outcome you desired. Recall the conflict resolution methods; what could you do in this case? (Listen to the mothers.) (At each phase, refer to the example when asking the mothers what they would do, let them come up with a solution themselves.) The parents discuss the issue that is bothering them without making any accusations, at a time they can speak freely. (The mothers problem is that she wants her husband to spend time with the children, the fathers problem is that he comes home very tired and wants to spend some time by himself.) They talk together and generate possible solutions acceptable to both parties. What might these possible solutions be? (Listen to the answers.) The mother can make sure the children are quieter when her husband comes home, the father can relax a little during this time, and later spend some time with the children before they go to bed. They father can play with the children only on weekends. They can play together as a family for a short while after dinner. They assess the possible solutions together. After assessing the possible solutions, they decide on one that they think suits both parties, and put it into effect. For example, the father might decide to read the newspaper and relax a little after he comes home, then to play with the children until dinner time. This way the children, the mother, and the father are all happy. They monitor and assess whether or not the solution works. If they encounter a problem while putting what they decided on into effect, they sit down together once more and try to find other solutions. Looking for possible solutions together and especially coming up with ones that make both parties happy eliminates anger and rage from accumulating. (If mothers have examples other than the one offered here that they would like to find a solution to, and if you use your time well, you can work through these examples with them, following the format above.) During our discussion of the characteristics of development, we had said that development starts at the womb and continues throughout life. Especially regarding emotional development; we and the people in our immediate environment all have a need for emotional support, just as our children do. In other words, just as children feel happy when they know they are loved, our husband, mother, and mother-in-law will also experience happiness when they feel we love them. Knowing the different development areas will help us better understand other peoples behavior. The attitude change we talked about in our discussion of positive methods of child-rearing can have a positive affect on our relationships with other people, just as they do with our
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Applying The Learned Methods In Relationships With Other People

children. Thinking about the reason of a behavior or putting ourselves in the other persons shoes can help us in all our relationships. Similarly, stating our emotions when we encounter behavior that we like or dislike will enable people in our environment to understand how we feel, and have a positive effect on our relationship. Plan and sharing: (Distribute the take home worksheet.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) Would you consider using the positive discipline methods we talked about in previous meetings and tried to recall today in your relationships with people in your environment? Which problem are you planning on resolving? Which methods do you think might be more effective? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
APPLYING THE LEARNED METHODS WITH OTHER PEOPLE
The parents have a problem No Problem
Ignore-encourage Prepare environment Set an example Explain the consequences of the behavior Make them experience the consequences of the behavior

The child has a problem Wrong

Wrong

Making yourself heard

Education area

Active Listening

Do not forget acknowledgment when using the various methods. In addition; Listening, Expressing themselves and their emotions, Conflict resolution methods.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

TOILET TRAINING

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Discuss with mothers when and how to toilet train their children, Discuss how to resolve childrens daytime wetting problems, Discuss different methods that can be used to cause behavior change in children that experience nighttime wetting problems. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: CHART TO MONITOR CHILDREN THAT WET THEIR BED AT NIGHT HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

TOILET TRAINING
Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheets the mothers filled out.) In our discussion on developmental areas, we talked about autonomy and selfsufficiency in children. As children grow older, they become more proficient at taking care of their own needs. For example, they may begin to get dressed and undressed, fasten their buttons, and tie their shoelaces by themselves. What are some tasks your children could not do before but are able to accomplish on their own as they grow older? (Listen to the mothers.) There is another task we would like children to do on their own, independently of their mothers. That is for them to go to the toilet on their own. In other words, for them to become toilet trained. What do you think toilet training is? (Listen to the mothers, add anything that is missing.) Toilet training is for children to realize they have to go to the toilet without anyones help or reminding, and actually go to and use the toilet. (Write the underlined section on the board.) In other words, it means for children to be able to control their behaviors in relation to using the toilet. Toilet training does not mean mothers realize their children have to pee and send them to the toilet. When should we begin to toilet train our children? (Listen to the mothers.) We should wait until they are about two to two-and-a-half years of age. Because; The organs children use when they go to the toilet develop around 2 to 2.5 years of age. Before this time, even if children feel they have to go to the bathroom, they cannot hold it in. It is commonly believed that it is alright to begin toilet training at a younger age. For example, there are mothers that claim to have toilet trained their children around 1 to 1.5 years of age, or even from the time they were in swaddling. However, before children are around 2 to 2.5 years of age, they are not considered toilet trained if mothers sit their children on the toilet at specific times of the day and remove their diaper, or understand from their

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

childrens behavior that they have to use the bathroom and take them. In cases like these, it is not the children that are in control of the behavior in relation to using the toilet. So it is not considered toilet training. As is the case in other developmental areas, there is also a specific age for toilet training. For example, just as children cannot walk the moment they are born, or are unable to speak before they reach a certain age; the ability to control bowel and bladder muscles develops only around 2 to 2.5 years of age. While discussing the topics on development, we had talked about the importance of the brain. So, for children to realize they have to use the bathroom, hold it in after the realization, and then go and do it, the necessary bodily development for the impulses to travel between the relevant organs (kidneys, stomach muscles, and bladder) and the brain must have been completed. Toilet training should not be forced on children before they are 2 to 2.5 years of age. If children are forced, the process could turn into a struggle between mother and child. If toilet training efforts begin when children are around 1 to 1.5 years old, both mother and child will end up experiencing unnecessary upset and distress. In addition, research shows that toilet training forced at an early age can cause certain behavioral and personality disorders in later years. For example, children forced to become toilet trained at a very early age can begin to experience wetting problems again when they are older. How should children be toilet trained? (Get answers from the mothers and add what is missing.) Having said that toilet training should begin when children are about 2 to 2.5 years of age, we should also keep in mind that all children are different. Meaning, there will be children that can be toilet trained a few months before their second year, or a little later than 2.5 years of age. Children usually offer clues that they are ready to be toilet trained. How do children demonstrate that they are ready for toilet training? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, some signs are: They begin to wake up from their afternoon nap with a dry diaper now and then; they say the diaper bothers them; they can stay dry up to 1 or 2 hours. When children are around 2 years of age, if there are signs that they are ready to be toilet trained, what are some things we can do help them acquire the skill? (Listen to the mothers.) Sit children down on the toilet or potty at specific intervals. Children must feel secure when they are sitting on the toilet. If they feel scared that they might fall in, they may never want to sit on it. So, if they do sit on the toilet, an additional potty seat could be affixed to the toilet seat. If the toilet is an old-fashioned one [hole in the ground], children might be frightened by it. A potty should be used instead of the old-fashioned toilet. Especially when children pass a bowel movement, they feel the need to see what it is that is being expelled from their body. Sit the children on the potty regularly and continually. Seating intervals can be arranged according to childrens daytime activities. Perhaps after meals, or before bedtime, etc. As a result, children will get used to sitting on the toilet, and their bladder and bowel movements will begin to follow a pattern. These intervals must be adjusted according to each individual child, and the frequency and regularity of their bladder and bowel movements. For instance, some children may have a bowel movement once day, others, more than once.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

Children should be dressed in clothes that can be pulled down and pulled up easily during toilet training. (Such as sweatpants or pants with elastic waists.) Distract them a little after seating them on the toilet. Since childrens muscles that control bladder and bowel movements have not yet fully developed, they may not be able to go as soon as they sit, or they may not be able to pass it all at one. So, you can give them a toy or read them a short story while they are sitting on the toilet. This will help children pass a bladder or bowel movement, and also make going to the toilet a fun and pleasant activity. Children need to be told to tell you they have to use the toilet when they realize they have to, and then go to the bathroom. This way, you will have clearly explained to them what is expected of them. Mothers should set an example to their children by saying, I have to pee, I am going to the bathroom, when they have to use the toilet. If children accidentally wet or soil themselves, you must refrain from making any comment that will embarrass or humiliate them. Children can develop feelings of guilt when they are the target of embarrassing or humiliating comments. After children are toilet trained, children need to be taught hygiene around the time they are 4 or 5 years of age. Meaning, they need to learn personal hygiene as well as keeping the toilet clean after they use it (urinate or pass a bowel movement). They have to be taught to wash themselves with water, dry themselves with toilet paper, and finally, wash their hands well. Girls must be taught to clean themselves from the front to the back. Until children are toilet trained and have made it a habit, mothers need to look out for all the points that we discussed, and put them into effect regularly and continually. WHEN THERE ARE PROBLEMS IN TOILET TRAINING Some children become toilet trained without experiencing any problems. Some children may still be experiencing difficulties when they are 4, 5, even 6 years old. Some children wet themselves during the day. And some children experience no problems during the day but wet themselves at night, while they are sleeping. Daytime Wetting Problems: By the time children are 4 to 6 years old, if they still use the toilet not by themselves but when someone tells them to, and wet themselves unless they are told to use the toilet, this means there is a problem. Children usually wet themselves when they are focused on a play activity or when they are disagreeing with their mother. Do any of your children do this? (Listen to the mothers. They may feel uncomfortable about discussing their childrens problems so do not push them.) In such cases, mothers watch their children to see when they have to use the toilet, infer from their behavior that they have to go and say, You have to pee, go to the bathroom. What do you think happens when mothers say that? (Listen to the answers. As you discuss the information below, draw the figure as it becomes necessary.) As a result, some children go to the toilet and pee; some become argumentative, too focused on the play activity, try to hold it in, and then partially or completely wet themselves. The mother gets angry, the child feels sad, and this goes on and on. In
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

time, this turns into a conflict, a point of contention between mother and child. In this particular case, the mother has taken on the responsibility of alerting the child (of perceiving the need to urinate). Yet, whose responsibility is it really to realize they have to pee, then go to the bathroom and do it? (Listen to the mothers.) Of course, it is the childs task and responsibility. But mothers often follow their children around and tell them when to use the toilet, as if it were their responsibility to alert their children to do so, to avoid both dirty laundry and a tense atmosphere at home. When mothers say, You probably have to pee now, go and do it, what message do their children get? (Ask the mothers, and then add anything that is missing. Draw the below figure on the board or a large sheet of paper as you explain.)

OBJECTIVE Child goes to the toilet Mother tells child to use the toilet Toilet Training the Child Child holds it very focused on play, becomes argumentative

OUTCOME
No problem it would seem, but Toilet training has children get used to not yet been being lazy and achieved dependent Mother gets angry wet themselves conflict Child feels sad

This behavior conveys to children one of two messages: 1. This is my mothers responsibility. This makes children think their mother has to remind them when to use the toilet. Since the mother has taken on all the responsibility, the child gets used to being lazy and thinks, It is OK to wet myself if my mother does not remind me. This also reinforces childrens dependency on their mother. It prevents the development of self-confidence. 2. My mother thinks she knows everything. The problem here is not that children cannot hold their pee. The problem is childrens need to prove themselves to their mother. When the mother says, You probably have to pee now, go do it, the message conveyed is that she knows and controls everything. This initiates conflict between mother and child. Because children want to oppose their mothers and say I know better than you when I have to pee, they do not listen to their mother, refuse to use the toilet and wet themselves. The dispute between mother and child may begin this way, and continue when it comes to eating and going to bed. Such disputes constitute obstacles to children in their attempts to become independent of the mother and gain some self-confidence. (Explain this by drawing on the board or a large piece of paper.) How can this problem be resolved? Actually, whose problem is it? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, it is solely the childs problem. Children that have been toilet trained should realize by themselves when they have to pee and use the toilet.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

How can it be explained to children that this is their problem? (Listen to the mothers.) First of all, different language is necessary. Instead of comments that will cause children to become argumentative, use expressions that put the responsibility on them. For example you could say, Why dont you go and see if you have to pee? This way, the decision of whether or not they have to pee is left up to the children. Meaning, it is their responsibility. You probably have to pee, go and do it. Incorrect expression. Why dont you go and see if you have to pee? Correct expression. (Ask the mothers which expression is correct and which one is not.) If mothers not only alert their children about having to pee, but also put a diaper on them and spread out a nylon sheet under them at night, there is nothing left for children to take responsibility of. The message conveyed is, You can wet yourself; I have taken all the necessary precautions so it wont be a problem. Mothers should make children wash what they have soiled. When children wet themselves, mothers should say, I guess you didnt realize you had to pee, and make them wash the wet items immediately. When asking children to wash the wet items, mothers should never use an angry and harsh tone of voice, but show that they are firm. Hence, the message conveyed to the child will be: You can wet yourself but you have to deal with its consequences, you have to clean it up because it is your job and your responsibility. Just think about it, if there was someone who always cleaned up after you, would you be careful about spilling anything? (Listen to the mothers' responses.) Children will think exactly the same way and not take responsibility. While washing the soiled items, children may enjoy playing with water and detergent. However, when they are made to wash the soiled items with a specific amount of detergent and water every time they wet themselves, after a while this will cease to be fun for them and even tire them since it will have become a duty. They will be more careful about wetting themselves. (Some mothers may be suspicious about getting their children to wash the items they soiled; they may not be able to bring themselves to do that. This is a decision for the mothers to make. Mothers that experience this problem can give it a try if they want to put an end to it. And some mothers may think their children will not be able to wash the items well. In such cases, you could suggest that she might wash those items again if she likes, without her child knowing.) Children should not be made to feel embarrassed when they wet themselves. Words should not be spoken in anger, such as What a baby you are! or Youre a bad boy/bad girl. Instead, children can be told gently but firmly that they have to wash the soiled items. When they feel they have to pee and use the toilet without wetting themselves, the behavior must be acknowledged immediately. Nighttime Wetting Problems: For some 5-6-year-olds, wetting may not be a problem during the day but at night. This is a problem also observed sometimes in older children as well.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

There may be various reasons for nighttime wetting: The first reason may be physiological. If children constantly soil themselves until 5-6 years of age and cannot be toilet trained, treatment by a doctor (a urologist) will be necessary. If other, older people in the family also experienced a similar problem during their childhood, the reason is likely to be physiological. Another reason may be psychological. Children may wet themselves at night if something in their life is making them unhappy. Psychological causes come to the fore especially if toilet trained children begin to wet themselves after some important event in their lives (death of a relative, birth of a sibling, moving to another house, going to a different school, parents divorce). In such cases, collaborating with an expert (a psychologist) would be a good idea. Children that are heavy sleepers and cannot wake up may not realize they are wetting themselves. This is the most pervasive reason for nighttime bedwetting. In this case children do not have physiological or psychological problems, the only problem is that they are unable to wake up and realize they have to pee. This is the reason we will discuss here today. Do any of you experience such problems with your children? (Listen to the mothers but they may not say anything, do not push them too much.) How can this problem be solved? What can be done to prevent nighttime bedwetting? (Ask the mothers but do not expect them to come up with all the answers. Add anything missing based on the information below.) Children this age already feel nervous about having wet the bed. So talk with them beforehand and make an agreement to find a way to solve this problem together. You should also talk with other members of the household to help the child overcome this problem. Intake of all kinds of liquids must be stopped an hour before bedtime. If your children are in the habit of drinking milk or juice before bed, slowly cut it down and move it to some other time during the day. Explain to the child why you did this. Children must use the toilet before they go to bed and pee. Children must be woken up at regular intervals and made to go to the toilet. To be able to wake children up at regular intervals, they need to have a regular bedtime. For example: If children go to bed at 10 PM and wake up at 10 AM in the morning, they can be woken up every three hours. In other words, they can go to the toilet before they go to bed and pee, then woken up every three hours at 1 AM, 4 AM and 7 AM and told to go to the toilet and pee again. However, it is not enough just to take them to the toilet and get them to pee. How do you think children should go to the bathroom? (Ask the mothers.) Children should be fully woken up before taken to the bathroom. Make sure they are awake and fully aware of what they are doing. Children usually do not enjoy waking up at night very much. They go to the bathroom with their eyes closed, without even being aware that they went to the bathroom to pee; in other words, they are usually not even awake. You have to make sure that they turn on the light, walk to the bathroom on their own, clean themselves and the toilet bowl after they use it, then go back to bed. If children do not do these tasks consciously, waking them up at night will be of absolutely no use. If children have already wet themselves by the time you awaken them, you have to make them change their pajamas by themselves and if the bed is also wet,
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

make them change the sheets. (They can soak the soiled items overnight and wash them in the morning.) Never put on a diaper or spread a nylon sheet under the child. This conveys the message go ahead, wet yourself." If all the above points are followed repeatedly every night, bedwetting will no longer be as easy and comfortable a solution as it once was for the child. We can use a table to help us put this into effect. (Distribute the HANDOUT 1: Monitoring Chart here, go over the sample chart with the mothers.)
Mon. + + Tues. + + + Wed. + + Thurs. + + + Friday + + Sat. + + + + + Sunday + + + + +

01:00 04:00 07:00 10:00 Outcome of the day

Using the Chart: Consider a child who goes to bed at 10 PM at night. We wake them up in three hours (at 1 AM). If they have wet themselves, we draw a raindrop or a minus (-) sign in the box depicting the correct place and time. If they are dry, draw a sun or a plus (+) sign. (The table can also be filled out together with the child. Children also like to draw sunshine and raindrops.) The same thing is done every three hours, at 4 AM, 7 AM and 10 AM. If even one of the marks drawn that night is a raindrop, then the outcome of the day is (-). In other words, if children wet themselves even once, the outcome of the day is (-). However, if children are dry every time you awaken them, the outcome of the day is a (+) or a sun. (You must explain this by illustrating it on the board.) There are some points to watch out for in putting this chart into effect: You must stick by the rules of waking them up and making them wash the soiled items every time you get them out of bed. Know that the goal will not be reached immediately, that you will need to take small steps. The child must also be prepared for this. If the outcomes of each and every day during the week are a (+), then you can wake them up at 4 hour intervals instead of 3. However if the opposite is true, meaning if the child woke up wet every single day that week, that means the 3 hour interval is too long for that child. This interval can be shortened to 2 hours. Even if not every day gets a (+) sign, reaching a _ success rate during a week should be viewed as a great accomplishment. The child and mother should then aim to pull this rate upward (+) in the following weeks. A long period of time may be necessary for complete success (1 to 1.5 months). In applying this program, do not get tired at some point in the middle of it and give it up. The success of the program lies in continuity and a lengthy process. On the days children awaken dry, they can be rewarded with a trip to the playground or playing with them. Rewards should be used as dry days increase in number. Never neglect to acknowledge and show your appreciation for what they are doing. If rewards are determined together with children before the program is implemented, they will be more meaningful and effective. When the raindrop and sunshine drawings are made together with children, they

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Toilet Training

will spend even more effort to succeed. School-age children can also make the table themselves. The bedtimes and times to awaken the child we discussed here are only suggestions. All children go to bed and wake up at different times. The important thing is to wake them up at the necessary intervals between these times. Plan and sharing: (Distribute the Take Home Worksheet.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) If your children have a toilet training related problem at home, would you like to begin to try what we talked about today during the week at home? Will you be able to convince the other people at home that these methods are effective? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BOARD PLAN
TOILET TRAINING

What is toilet training? For children to realize and go to the toilet on their own, with no coaxing from their mothers.
OBJECTIVE Child goes to the toilet Mother tells child to use the toilet Toilet Training the Child Child holds it very focused on play, becomes argumentative

OUTCOME
No problem it would seem, but Toilet training has children get used to not yet been being lazy and achieved dependent Mother gets angry wet themselves conflict Child feels sad

01:00 04:00 07:00 10:00 Outcome of the day

Mon. + + -

Tues. + + + -

Wed. + + -

Thurs. + + + -

Friday + + -

Sat. + + + + +

Sunday + + + + +

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

10

CHART TO MONITOR CHILDREN THAT WET THEIR BED AT NIGHT Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday

Monday

Tuesday

HANDOUT 1:

01:00

04:00

07:00

Toilet Training

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

10:00

Outcome of the day

Dry: +

Wet:

11

SEXUAL EDUCATION

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Discuss with the mothers how children develop gender-appropriate behaviors, Discuss the questions children may ask about sexuality and what mothers need to pay attention to when they are answering them, Discuss the reasons that underlie problems such as when children touch their genitals" and want to sleep in the same room/bed, and the measures to take to prevent them. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: HANDOUT 2: HANDOUT 3: HANDOUT 4: HANDOUT 5:

QUESTION LIST FOR THE TRAINER HOW WAS I BORN? CIRCUMCISION SEXUAL EDUCATION TAKE HOME WORKSHEET

MATERIALS: - 3-4 sheets of paper and pencils - A pebble


Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

SEXUAL EDUCATION
Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.) How Children Learn Gender-Appropriate Behaviors

In all societies, certain roles are expected of men and women. What are the roles expected of men and women in our society? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, as you also said, men in Turkish society are expected to be courageous, bold and tough; this is considered acceptable behavior. Women are expected to be gentle, loving, and feminine. Children are raised in line with these expectations from early on, depending on their gender. We may or may not be aware of it, but the way we act and our attitude toward our children changes based on our childrens gender. How do you think children learn gender-appropriate behavior and attitudes? (Listen to the mothers.) From the age of 2 onwards, children begin to become aware of their gender identity; girls learn to act like girls and boys begin to act like boys. Parents and other people (grandparents, aunts, teachers) in childrens environment monitor and assess childrens behavior according to gender-based expectations, and either acknowledge or criticize them. For example, if a boy cries in pain, his mother says, Boys dont cry. Meaning, the mother does not accept her sons crying because he is a boy. In this case, the next time the boy feels pain he will try not to cry, not to show his emotions so that his mother accepts him. When a little girl plays cooking with her toys, her mother will tell her good girl, and she will feel that her actions are accepted by her mother. But if a boy plays the same game, he may not receive the same acknowledgment from his mother. In other words, parents either accept or reject their childrens behaviors, depending on what their expectations are. Childrens genderbased behaviors are shaped by a fear of rejection by their immediate environment or punishment, or the desire for acceptance and acknowledgment. Every week we talk about the importance of the family environment and parental attitudes in child development. The family is again vital in childrens sexual development. Childrens sexual development and sexual identity is influenced by how sexuality is perceived and expressed by adults in the home environment; how they share issues related to sexuality with their children, and their relationship with the opposite sex.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

Can you give me any examples where you guided your childrens behaviors in this manner? (Listen to the examples and link them to the discussion above.) For example, mothers expectations regarding how girls should sit (girls are expected to keep their knees together when they sit or when they are at the playground, sliding down the slide. Fathers play soldier or ball with their sons. They take their son with them when they go to a game.) Now, let us go back to our childhood and try to remember those days. (In a gentle voice, say this.) When you were children, did your parents or other people in your close environment treat you any differently than the men or boys in the family? What did you think when this happened? What did you feel? (Allow a short period of time for them to think and remember.) Does anyone want to share what they remembered? (If mothers do not want to share, do not push them.) And do these experiences from your childhood have an influence in your lives today as a woman and as a mother? (Give them a few minutes to think. Listen to those that want to share.) How do you treat your children (boy or girl) today? Do the things that affected you when you were a child reflect on how you treat your children today? (Again, give them some time to think. You may want to offer some personal examples. Offering examples from your own past will strengthen your relationships with the mothers. Listen to those that want to talk and share. Find out how mothers treat their children. Provide support to mothers that say they encourage their girl and boy children equally to become self-sufficient.) Do you think your son should mend torn garments? Should he work in the kitchen with you? Should he make his bed? Should he put his dirty laundry in the clothes hamper? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) They need to acquire these skills not because they may go away to college in the future, help their wife when they get married, or need to know them when they go to do their military service, but because they should naturally know them. Tasks should not be differentiated and labeled as girls chores and boys chores. We should make sure we do not make such distinctions while raising our children. In a similar vein, related examples can be given for girl children. For example if your daughter wanted to get on the soccer or basketball team at school, what would you think? In selecting a profession, what would you think if she wanted to be an officer in the army or a pilot? (Listen to mothers thoughts on this subject.) Girls must also be able to choose a profession freely. Girls whose ideas are considered important from the time they are young, who can make their own decisions, will grow up to be women who can make themselves accepted at home and in their professional life much easily, and establish stronger relationships. Childrens relationship with their parents and the fact that they consider their parents as role models plays a role in the development of gender-appropriate behaviors. Girls imitate their mothers, and boys imitate their fathers. For example, girls may put on their mothers high heels; they may want to wear nail polish. Similarly, boys may want to

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

shave like their fathers, or settle down in front of the TV when there is a game on, like their fathers do. In other words, girls model their behavior and attitudes on their mothers, and boys on their fathers. The relationship with their parents, the trust they feel toward them and the communication they establish with them are also all very important as children adopt these behavior and attitudes. For example, a boy whose role model is an excessively oppressive father may distance himself from his father when selecting a role model. Also, in cases where the gender of the newborn child does not meet the expectations of the parents (having a girl when expecting a boy and vice versa), attitudes such as giving the girl baby a boys name or dressing the male infant in dresses and growing their hair long can confuse children while they are trying to learn gender-appropriate behavior. Childrens Sexuality and the Questions Children Ask Many of us can feel powerless on the issue of childrens sexual development and relevant behavior, and the questions children ask on this topic. What do you understand from childrens sexuality? (Listen to the mothers answers.) Talking about the sexuality of an infant or a child may sometimes seem strange. Since we approach the issue with an adults point of view and consider childrens sexual education only in terms of reproductive health, we may experience difficulties. We may even think, what can a child so young have to do with sexuality. However, the concept of sexuality in children is not similar to sexuality in adults or even adolescents; it is the roots of sexuality that will develop later. Childrens initial interest in sexuality results from curiosity about their environment. Their overall curiosity in the environment and sexual curiosity become intertwined. Like childrens overall curiosity arising from their age, curiosity in issues relating to sexuality is natural and healthy. This curiosity is borne from their need to learn about their environment and the world. Children between 3-6 years of age slowly begin to accomplish various tasks on their own, without help from their parents. They begin to turn into self-confident people who can take care of their own needs. They are able to get dressed and eat on their own; they can climb stairs without holding onto their mothers hand. However, at this time they are still not very familiar with their bodies. Usually, from the ages of 2 or 3 onwards they first begin to notice their own bodies, and later, the opposite sex. (For instance, they may stand in front of a mirror and examine their bodies. Similarly, by playing doctor, they may try to discover the characteristics of the opposite sex. They become aware of whether they are girls or boys, based on what their parents and other adults tell them.) It is somewhat easier for children who have siblings or who go to nursery school to understand gender differences. They may, for instance, observe one another when they go to the bathroom. This gives them an opportunity to compare their own bodies with that of the opposite sex. After the comparisons with their peers, they begin to make comparisons with adults, namely their parents, and older sisters and brothers.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

Answering Childrens Questions on Sexuality

What kinds of questions do your children ask about their gender? (Listen to the mothers.) What kinds of questions do your children ask about the opposite sex? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, as you also said, from the age of 2-3 onwards children ask many different questions about their genitals, their bodies, and the opposite sex. The most prominent question is about the pee-pee or the male genitalia. Girls wonder why they do not have one. And boys wonder what happened to the one girls had; they may worry about whether theirs will also disappear some day. In addition, they may ask questions like, How was I born? How are babies made? Why do boys pee standing up? and Why do mommies have breasts? Questions about gender differences usually begin at age 2, and questions about birth around age 3-4. Such as, Will I have children too? Where do babies come from? Between the ages of 5-9, they may lose interest in sexuality compared to earlier years. They will have started school, and their world will have expanded. They still ask questions, but to a lesser extent, and their questions are now somewhat different. How does a baby get inside the mommy? How do moms and dads cells unite? We find it difficult to talk about sexuality even amongst ourselves. We find it even more difficult to talk about it with our children. Now let us talk about how we need to answer the questions children ask and the points we need to pay attention to so that we can overcome this difficulty. (Depending on group size, split the mothers into small groups of 3 or 4 and divide the questions below among them. Ask them how they would respond if their children asked them these questions. Ask each group to select a reporter. Give the reporter a sheet of paper and a pencil, and ask them to write down their answers to later share with the large group. Groups in which the women are illiterate can discuss the issue without taking notes. Have them share their answers with the large group; you provide the correct answer if necessary and discuss the issues they should pay attention to when answering their childrens questions). Questions children aged 2-4 might ask: 1. Why dont I have a pee-pee? Boys have pee-pees (penises) and girls have pussies (vaginas). 2. Why dont girls have pee-pees? All boys and men have penises, and all girls and women have vaginas. Women are born with vaginas, men are born with penises, and they have them all throughout their lives. 3. Why is my fathers pee-pee bigger than mine? Your fathers hands and feet are also bigger than yours. When you grow to be as big as your father, your hands, feet and your pee-pee (penis) will also grow to be as big as your fathers. 4. Why cant I pee standing up like my brother? As you know, men and women have different bodies. Men have pee-pees (penises), and women have pussies (vaginas). Men hold their penises and pee standing up, and women pee sitting down.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

5. How was I born? (Distribute and go over the How Was I Born HANDOUT.) 6. Why do grown ups have body hair and I dont? When they grow up, girls become women and boys become men. You can tell they have grown up from the hair that grows under their arms and over their genital area. For boys: When you grow older, you will grow hair there as well, and you will also grow a moustache and a beard. For girls: When you grow up you will also grow hair under your arms and in your genital area. 7. Why do you have breasts? When babies are born, they cant eat the foods that you can eat. They can only drink milk. Milk is made in breasts. Mothers feed their babies with the milk in their breasts. When girls grow up, their breasts also grow, and when they become mothers they feed their babies with them. Boys breasts dont grow. Questions children aged 5-8 might ask: 1. Can mothers make a baby by themselves? Both parents, both the mother and the father are important in making and raising a baby. A baby needs both parents. The mothers egg and the fathers sperm needs to unite for a baby to be created. 2. Why do mommys bellies grow? Because there is a baby growing in her. After the baby is born, the mother will go back to how she was before. 3. Why dont fathers give birth? You know the differences in the bodies of men and women; we had talked about that with you before. Mothers have a place in their body where babies can grow. Its called a uterus. Fathers dont have this place so they cant have babies. But you need both a mother and a father to make a baby. 4. Why arent girls circumcised? Because girls dont have penises. (Distribute and go over the Circumcision HANDOUT.) Points to pay attention to when answering questions children may ask: (Write the underlined section on the board.) The questions children ask must always be answered. Answering childrens questions on sexuality will not cause them to develop sexually earlier than they should. Children whose questions go unanswered may look for answers in the wrong places or ask the wrong people to overcome their curiosity. Childrens answers must be answered correctly. Real names should be used. (Not pee-pee but penis, for instance.) Questions must be answered in a normal and comfortable attitude. Questions must be answered clearly, in a way children will understand. Answers provided must be age-appropriate and cover no more than the questions children ask. Questions children ask about sexuality must not be answered with a joke or made light of. When responding to childrens questions, using pictures might also help.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

When Children Touch Their Genitals This behavior initially occurs in the first year after birth, during the time infants first sexual feelings surface while being changed and cleaned up. When infants have grown enough to control their hand and arm movements, they may accidentally touch their genitals and become acquainted with a pleasure-giving sensation. Around the ages of 2-3, children touch all their organs in efforts to learn about their body (nose, ears, hands, feet, etc.), and in this process they may touch or caress their genitals. In such cases, or when they accidentally rub their genitals somewhere, they discover this is pleasurable and repeat it. This is completely normal behavior that occurs during children's development. However, it disturbs parents that children realize their genitals give them pleasure. There may also be other reasons that cause children to touch and discover their genitals. Why do you think children might touch their genitals? (Listen to the mothers.) Children may touch their genitals because of a diaper rash or itch; because their pants are too tight; or due to a condition seen among boys where the foreskin of the penis remains stuck to its tip. Children may resort to playing with their genitals if they are made to take an afternoon nap even though they are too old to need one, or if they are put to bed before they are sleepy. Although some parts of their bodies may become uncovered, or even when they are unclothed, the genital area is always covered or dressed. Meaning, there is something secretive about the genitals. This secretiveness may also pique childrens interest. One way or another, children of the opposite sex see each others genitals and examine them. During this process, girls become aware of the pee-pee (penis) boys have and wonder why they do not have one. And boys, seeing that girls do not have one may touch themselves often to make sure their genitals are still in place. Children that cannot find love and trust in their family look for pleasure in their own bodies. (They may play with their genitals excessively and anywhere.) In such cases, it may be necessary to consult an expert for assistance. What would you do if you saw your children playing with their genitals? (Listen to the answers.) Parents usually immediately feel afraid when they see their children playing with their genitals, and react. They often try to persuade children to quit this behavior by saying things such as Dont touch, stop it, naughty boy/girl, Your hands will get dirty, Your penis will fall off, Youll never be a mother, Youll never be a father, Youll get sick if you touch it again, or Dont be a bad boy/girl, that frighten, embarrass or put strain on children. And what happens when children meet with anger, are made to feel frightened and embarrassed because they are touching their genitals? (Listen to the answers.) Children will turn to doing the behavior secretly. Getting angry with them and forbidding the behavior will not produce desired results. They may end up feeling guilty and ashamed of their sexuality, and this may cause problems that can have a negative effect on their sexuality in their adult life. Getting angry with them and forbidding the behavior can cause children to become argumentative and increase the likelihood of the behavior.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

So what should we do when we see our children touching their genitals? (Listen to the mothers, write the underlined section on the board.) When we see our children playing with their genitals, the first thing we need to do is to stay calm. There is no need to exaggerate what masturbation is and make it into a problem. Children usually masturbate when they have nothing to do and are bored. Creating games that will distract and attract them, or diverting their attention to something else will help them forget the behavior and make is less frequent. Instead of getting angry with or frightening your children when you see them playing with their genitals, talking to them will help them relax. For example, to prevent your children from feeling ashamed when you notice them masturbating, you can talk with them. You could say something like, All children play with their genitals sometimes when they feel bored, just like you, but you can find better play activities to pass your time. If you like we can think about what to play together with you. While you should be open concerning the issue of sexuality, you should also teach them that there are boundaries to it. Children should know and learn that just like certain parts of their body, this action is also private. In other words, if they are aware that they should not take their underwear off in the presence of other people, they should also know not to masturbate when other people are around. The secure relationship you establish with your children can also be an opportunity to teach them that everyones bodies are private, and that with the exception of a doctor during a physical exam or their parents when necessary, they should not allow anyone to touch their body. Desire to Sleep in the Parents Room/Bed

Do your children want to sleep in your room or your bed? What do you do when this happens? (Listen to the mothers.) Yes, some parents never allow their children to sleep with them, while some parents allow this on special occasions, for instance when their children are ill. Children like to sleep with their parents very much, because parents beds are comfortable, safe and warm. However, making a habit of sleeping with the parents can result in certain problems. What might these problems be? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) Children will not be able to sleep alone at night. They will need to have someone with them in order to feel safe. They will become dependent on their parents. The sexual relationship between the parents will be confusing to children. Often, they may not be sleeping when we think they are. No matter how young, children may be affected by what they hear and see during sexual intercourse. Sleeping in the same room or the same bed as their children also makes it rather difficult for parents to have a private life. Parents need to have a peaceful relationship. This is very private and very necessary. The best thing is to prevent children from perceiving their parents bed as their own. It is also important for children to sleep in a bed other than their parents bed in terms of their health. If possible, it is healthiest for children to sleep in a room separate from their parents.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

What are some things you could try to prevent your children from sleeping in your room or your bed? (Try to get the mothers to find the answers, add anything that is missing.) This should be prevented before it becomes a habit. There is no need for children to sleep in their parents bed, even if they are ill. In such cases, mothers can sleep in their childrens bed or room. If children come to their parents bed at night, they should be sent back to their bed or room by saying something like, Everyone sleeps in their own bed. You have your own bed. No go to your bed. Good night. Children should be prevented from secretly entering their parents room and bed. Sometimes parents wake up in the middle of the night and find their children in bed with them. How do you think this might be prevented? (Listen to the mothers.) This can be prevented by hanging a bell on the door or placing something in front of it that will make a noise when it is opened. This will ensure that the parents awaken when the child enters the room. Children can be persuaded that it is more comfortable for them to sleep in their own bed. Parents can make their children uncomfortable when their children are in bed with them. (For instance, not give them enough room). Get children to like their own room and bed. What can we do to achieve this? (Ask the mothers.) We could allow them to arrange their room any way they like. If children arrange their room themselves, they will like it and own it more. You could also let them choose the linens or bedcover when you go shopping. Acknowledge your childrens behavior in the morning when they spend the night in their own room/bed by saying how proud you are that they are now old enough to sleep in their own bed and how happy this makes you. What can be done if children go to their parents bed because they are afraid of something? (Ask the mothers.) If you recall, we had talked about childrens fears during our discussion of emotional development. Accept their fears and encourage them to talk about what frightens them. Make them feel secure. For example, if children are afraid of the dark, a small lamp can be lit in their room or in the hallway. What can be done if, due to various reasons, children have to sleep in their parents room? (Listen to the mothers.) We said that as much as circumstances permit, children and parents should sleep in separate rooms. However, some homes may not have a sufficient number of rooms. If this is the case, it may be necessary for parents and children to sleep in the same room. Even in cases when this is necessary, children should by no means sleep in their parents bed. Various solutions are possible. For instance, the parents bed might be separated by a curtain or a wardrobe. Children should not be able to see their parents bed from where they are sleeping. Parents desire and attitude are of vital importance if you plan on spending time as a family and playing together in bed on the weekend. Quality time shared on weekend mornings will enrich the relationship between parents and children. However, clothes, games and jokes that excite children should be avoided. Do you think siblings should sleep in the same room? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) Like us, children also need to have a room of their own. However, if necessary, sisters or brothers can share the same room. From the age of 5 onwards, if siblings of the
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Sexual Education

opposite sex have to share a room, the room can be separated with a wardrobe or a separator. While we were discussing children's social development, we said that as children developed physically they began to meet their own needs more and more, and as a result their sense of self-sufficiency developed. During the preschool period, children like to play with water. If children are taught how to clean their body and given the opportunity to do it, they will slowly become more proficient at hygiene-related skills. Do you allow your children to bathe on their own? (Listen to the mothers opinions.) After the preschool period, meaning after the age of 6, you can slowly get your children used to bathing on their own. After taking the necessary safety precautions (you can place sponge under their feet so they do not slip), they will enjoy taking a bath by themselves as well. You can help wash and rinse their head. Washing preschool-aged children of the opposite sex together can also help satisfy their curiosity in the opposite sex.

Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 4 and the take home worksheet to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) After our discussion on childrens sexuality today, how do you think you will respond to your childrens questions on sexuality? If you have a problem where your children want to sleep in your room or your bed, will you consider trying what we talked about today? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
SEXUAL EDUCATION

Points to look out for when answering childrens questions: Their questions must always be answered. Answers should be correct, Natural and comfortable, Clearly and in language they will understand, and Age-appropriate, covering only what they asked about. What should you do when children touch their genitals? Be calm. Do not make it into a problem. Divert their attention to something else.

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Sexual Education

HANDOUT 1: QUESTION LIST FOR THE TRAINER

Questions to give the mothers during the small group activity: 1. Why dont I have a pee-pee? 2. Why dont girls have pee-pees? 3. Why is my fathers pee-pee bigger than mine? 4. Why cant I pee standing up like my brother? 5. How was I born? 6. Why do grown ups have body hair and I dont? 7. Why do you have breasts? 8. Can mothers make a baby by themselves? 9. Why do mommys bellies grow? 10. Why dont fathers give birth? 11. Why arent girls circumcised

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Sexual Education

HANDOUT 2

HOW WAS I BORN?

Mom, where was I before I was born? Girls can be mothers when they grow up. Mothers carry their babies in their bellies. Now let us look at this picture with you. See, that is a woman. There is a small space in this part of her body (point to the picture), in her belly. This space is called the uterus. The baby eats and grows here. I am your mother and before you were born, I carried you in this space in my belly. Your father and I loved each other very much and we got married. Later, we wanted to have a child. So you began to grow in this space (point to the picture) in my belly. It took months for you to become a complete baby, did you know that? Exactly nine months and 10 days. Do you want to count how long it took with your fingers?

How did I grow in there? This space in my belly is big enough to hold you. There was a cord that carried food to you whenever I ate, so you could also eat and grow. In other words, we both felt hungry and full at the same time. (Point to the picture.)

How did I come out of that space? After nine months, you no longer fit into the space in my belly. You had grown too big for it. You started to kick inside my belly. You wanted to come out. But I needed the help of a doctor for you to be born. So we went to the hospital with your father. With the doctors help, my efforts and your kicking, you passed out of my vagina (exit tunnel) and into the world. Of course you remember none of this because you were really small. We were so happy that you joined our family. You grandmother, grandfather and your sister were all so happy that you came. We took many pictures of you. Would you like to look at those pictures now? (Looking at baby pictures will also prevent children from asking you any more questions.)

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Sexual Education

HANDOUT 3: CIRCUMCISION Dear Parents, Although circumcision is practiced in line with religious beliefs and traditions, it is actually very much concerned with the health and cleanliness of the penis. Prior to the circumcision, explain what it is to the child in a way suitable for their age and without frightening them. Boys are afraid that their penis will be cut and there will be something missing from it after the circumcision. For instance, there are some children that insist I want my old pee-pee back. Explain to them in a way they will understand that there will be nothing missing from their penis, only that the extra piece of skin at the end of it will be removed. Do not ever scare or threaten them with circumcision. Never say, for instance Wait and see until you get circumcised. Avoid circumcising your son between the ages of 2 to 7, since this is the time they are more interested and curious in their genitals. Girls whose brothers are circumcised may be as affected by the circumcision as the boy who actually has it done. In our society, circumcision is interpreted as a rite of passage for boys, and their growth and maturation is celebrated with gifts. During circumcision celebrations, girls may feel excluded or upset. In such cases, parents may have to speak with their daughters, support them, and buy them presents as well.

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Sexual Education

HANDOUT 4: SEXUAL EDUCATION Dear Parents, From the time they are young, children begin to develop their sexual identity in line with our expectations and actions. Childrens sexuality-related behavior and attitudes are shaped by how people close to them perceive and express sexuality, discuss the issue of sexuality with them, answer the questions they ask and the relationships these people have with the opposite sex. Children begin to become aware of their sexual identity from the age of 2 onwards. Children take their parents as their role models. Girls imitate their mothers and boys imitate their fathers. Childrens relationship with their parents, the trust they feel toward them and the communication they establish with them are all very important in their imitative behavior. Children should be dressed according to their gender and given gender-appropriate names. Otherwise, they may become confused. Parents should not make a distinction between boys chores and girls chores when they give them responsibilities. Points to pay attention to when answering questions children ask: The questions children ask must always be answered. Childrens questions must be answered correctly. Questions must be answered in a normal and comfortable attitude. Answers provided must be age-appropriate and cover no more than the questions children ask. Questions children ask about sexuality must not be answered with a joke or made light of. When responding to childrens questions, using pictures might also help. When Children Touch Their Genitals What might be the reasons for this? Coincidental As they try to learn about their body If they experience a diaper rash, etc. If they are dressed in clothes that are too tight Out of boredom, if put to bed before sleepy Interest in the secretiveness of the genital area While girls are checking to see why they do not have a penis, and boys to see whether their penis is still there, they may discover this gives them pleasure and continue the behavior. In addition; Children that cannot find love and trust in their family can turn to obtaining pleasure from their own bodies. In such cases, it may be necessary to consult an expert for assistance. Although masturbation is bothersome to parents, it is a natural emotion; it is not wrong behavior. Reactions such as Dont touch yourself, stop that, naughty boy/girl, your pee-pee will fall off, your hands will get dirty when you see your children masturbating can make them Continue the behavior in secret, Feel guilty and ashamed of their sexuality, Argumentative and increase the tendency of the behavior.
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Sexual Education

What should be done? Remain calm, and do not make it into a problem, Creating games that will distract and attract them, or diverting their attention to something else will help them forget the behavior and make is less frequent. Remove the cause of the behavior (Clothes that are too tight, putting them to bed before they are sleepy, etc.) Sleeping in the Parents Room Can lead to these problems: They may need to have someone with them in order to feel safe and develop a dependent personality The sexual relationship between the parents will confuse children. They may be affected by what they hear and see during intercourse It can make it difficult for parents to have a private life. What can be done? This behavior should be prevented before it becomes a habit. If children come to their parents bed at night, they should be taken back to their own bed. Children should be prevented from secretly entering their parents room. (Methods such as hanging a bell on the door etc. can be used.) This will ensure that the parents awaken when the child enters the room. Children can be persuaded that it is more comfortable for them to sleep in their own bed. Parents can make their children uncomfortable (not give them enough room) when their children are in bed with them. Get children to like their own room and bed. They can be acknowledged and encouraged on mornings they awaken in their own bed. If children go to their parents bed due to fear, illness or similar reasons, precautions must be taken to resolve the problem. If it is necessary to sleep in the same room due to various circumstances, it would be healthier to separate the beds with a separator or a wardrobe. After the age of 6, children should slowly get used to taking a shower/bath alone.

PROVIDE CORRECT, AGE-APPROPRIATE AND NATURAL ANSWERS TO YOUR CHILDRENS QUESTIONS ON SEXUALITY

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A HEALTHY/WELL-BALANCED DIET

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Teach mothers the definition of a healthy and nutritious diet, Teach mothers about beneficial and harmful foods, Inform mothers about the foods children need to eat on a daily and weekly basis so they eat a well-balanced diet, and what they need to pay attention to while cooking, Discuss with mothers why their children may not want to eat, and what they can do to resolve this problem. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: HANDOUT ON BASIC FOODS HANDOUT 2: DAILY MEAL PLANNING GUIDE HANDOUT 3: SAMPLE WEEKLY MEAL PLANNER FOR A WELL-BALANCED DIET FOR PRE-SCHOOL CHILDREN HANDOUT 4: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: Picture 1: Illustration of beneficial and harmful foods Picture 2: Fruits and vegetables Picture 3: Meats-eggs-beans/legumes Picture 4: Milk and dairy products Picture 5: Fats and sugar Picture 6: Grains, cereals, pasta Picture 7: Illustration showing age-inappropriate amounts of food being eaten Picture 8: Illustration showing age-appropriate amounts of food being eaten A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

A HEALTHY/WELL-BALANCED DIET
Observation and discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the Take Home Worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the Take Home Worksheets the mothers filled out.) Today we will talk about what we can do and the foods we can prepare to ensure our children eat a healthy, well-balanced diet. What do we understand from a healthy/well-balanced diet? When can we say our children are eating a healthy, well-balanced diet? (Listen to the answers.) Children are said to be eating a well-balanced diet when they eat beneficial foods in sufficient amounts, amounts that are age-appropriate. What do you think; are your children eating right? What do they eat? (Listen to the mothers answers.) Some children eat foods that are beneficial to the body, others eat junk food that really have no benefits for the body and cause them to lose their appetite. Now let us talk about which foods that are beneficial to the body, which are harmful when eaten in excess, and compare foods children eat versus what they should be eating. (Point to Picture 1.) Which of these foods are beneficial? (Ask the mothers and wait for the answers.) As you also said, fruits and vegetables, milk and dairy products, beans/legumes, meat, and bread are beneficial foods. These foods are vital to childrens growth and development. And which of these foods do you think are harmful when eaten in excess? (Ask the mothers and wait for the answers.) Candy, chocolate wafers, fried foods. Let us first talk about beneficial foods. NUTRIENTS/BASIC FOODS BENEFICIAL TO THE BODY

Fruits-vegetables

(Hang the cardboard pie-chart you prepared prior to the meeting on the board.)
Meat-eggsbeans/legumes

Milk and dairy products

Grains, cereals, pasta Oils/fats-sugar

1. Fruit and vegetables: The first group of beneficial foods is the fruit and vegetable group. (Show the mothers Picture 2, and attach it to the pie-chart.) Let us go over the vegetables
2

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

we eat. (Listen to the mothers responses.) Cauliflowers, eggplants, tomatoes, squash, potatoes, onions, peppers Which vegetables do you cook at home? (Listen to the mothers answers.) And what kinds of dishes do you make using eggplants, tomatoes, spinach, chard, cauliflower, or cabbage? (Listen to the answers.) And what kinds of fruit do you eat? (Listen to the mothers answers.) Apples, pears, tangerines, oranges The fruit and vegetables in this group are beneficial foods because they contain vitamins that are beneficial to the body. In particular, green, leafy vegetables (including spinach, chard, purslane, and green beans), all fruits (especially citrus fruits such as oranges, tangerines and lemons, as well as strawberries), and tomatoes all contain vitamin C. Because they contain vitamins, eating them strengthens our resistance to illnesses. 2. Beans/legumes-eggs-meat: The second group of beneficial foods is the beans/legumes, eggs and meat group. (Show the mothers Picture 3, and attach it to the pie-chart.) Beans/legumes are the most important foods in this group. Which foods are beans/legumes? (Listen to the answers. Add anything the mothers missed.) Beans/legumes are also called a plant/vegetal meat source. Dried beans, lentils, chickpeas, broad beans, and peas are all legumes. Also included in this group are foods that contain animal meat. What are they? (Ask the mothers.) Foods such as: chicken, fish, lamb, sheep, beef, meatballs from minced meat, and liver. From this group of beans/legumes, meat and eggs, which do you buy and cook the most? (Listen to the mothers responses.) 3. Milk and dairy products: Another beneficial food group is the milk and dairy products group. (Show the mothers Picture 4, and attach it to the pie-chart.) What are some dairy products? (Add anything the mothers missed.) All kinds of different cheeses, yogurt, milk pudding, yogurt drink, rice pudding, and soups made with milk. Philo pasty prepared with cheese is a good source of all nutrients found in cheese. 4. Grains, cereals, pasta: Another basic food group is grains. (Show the mothers Picture 5, and attach it to the pie-chart.) What are some foods made with grains? (Add anything the mothers missed.) Wheat, rye, oats, cornbread, pastries, bulgur (cracked wheat), rice, vermicelli, pasta, philo pastry dishes Which of these foods do you cook at home? (Ask the mothers.) 5. Starch, sugar and fats: The last of the beneficial food groups is the starch, sugar and fats group. (Show the mothers Picture 6, and attach it to the pie-chart.) What do you think starchy foods are? (Add anything the mothers missed.) Cookies, cakes, deserts, honey, jams, molasses, fats Which of these foods do you cook at home? (Ask the mothers.)

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

In addition to beneficial foods, we should keep in mind water and other beverages (yogurt drink, fruit juice) as well. Water facilitates the digestion of foods in the body, and helps expel harmful substances. Keeping in mind that the body is 72 percent water (more than half), we need to make sure we intake plenty of water and other beverages every day. (Distribute Handout 1 on the Basic Foods and briefly go over the names of the nutrients [protein, carbohydrates, fats, minerals, vitamins, etc.].) FOODS THAT ARE HARMFUL TO THE BODY

Now that we have discussed beneficial foods, let us move onto foods that are harmful to children. (Point once again to Picture 1.) Which foods are harmful for childrens health when eaten in excess? (Add anything the mothers missed.) Foods such as candy and chocolate wafers, fried foods, salt and spices, fats in excess amounts, beverages such as teas and sodas in excess amounts, and foods sold out in the open are unhealthy. How might these foods be harmful? (Ask the question separately for candy, fried food, spices, over-steeped tea, sodas, and foods sold out in the open. Add anything the mothers missed.) Foods such as candy and chocolate provide the body with energy. However, too much can be harmful. Moreover, if children eat candy, chocolate or wafers between meals, they will lose their appetite. As a result, they will not eat beneficial foods. In addition, if teeth are not brushed after eating sugary foods, tooth-decay can occur. So between meals, instead of candy/chocolate, give your children fruit, carrots, cucumbers, cheese, molasses, yogurt or dried fruit. To prevent tooth decay, children must brush their teeth right after they are finished eating sugary foods. Fried foods cause more fat than necessary to enter the body. These fats can later cause vascular diseases. Instead of frying food, cook it in non-stick pans with no fat, or grill or boil/steam it. The body does need salt in certain amounts, but it is a good idea to limit salt intake. Do not place the salt shaker next to children at the dinner table, and tell them why it can be harmful. We also use hot chili peppers and spices when we cook, for added flavor. These are also harmful to children. Try to use margarine as little as you can when you are cooking. It is a healthier choice to use vegetable oil, sunflower oil or olive oil instead. Over-steeped tea in excess amounts can prevent developing children from growing taller. Too much tea can also make children irritable. Tea drunk together with food can cause anemia in children. This is why we should not help our children acquire a habit of drinking tea. If we feel we must, we should allow them to drink tea at least one hour after meals. It would be better to offer tea that is lightly steeped, or add some milk or lemon to it. You may also offer linden or sage tea instead. Acidic, gaseous sodas such as ginger ale or colas cause children to lose their appetite, as well as tooth decay. The best thing to do is to not help children make a habit of drinking these sugary beverages that really serve no benefit. There is no way to know how the foods sold out in the open, especially like simit
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

[pretzel-like, ring-shaped pastry] or sherbet desserts are made. We can explain to children that these foods were prepared in an unhealthy environment, that they may catch germs and fall ill. We can prevent them from eating such foods. As we said in the beginning of the discussion, one condition of a well-balanced diet was for children to beneficial foods in amounts appropriate for their age/body. We have an illustration on this issue, let us examine it now. (Point to Picture 7 and 8 and ask.) Are the foods in these pictures beneficial to children? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, they are all beneficial foods. Can you tell me the difference between the two illustrations? What do you say? (Listen to the mothers answers.) A healthy/well-balanced diet also means for children to eat in amounts appropriate for their body and age. It is not only ensuring that children eat healthy foods; serving them food in amounts they can actually eat, or allowing them to eat as much as they want, is also important. The amount of food is as important as its type. AMOUNT OF FOOD TO EAT DAILY/WEEKLY At the beginning of our discussion, we talked about beneficial foods. Now we will talk about how much and how often children should eat these foods. If we want our children to eat a well-balanced diet, we have to make sure their diet includes foods from all five groupsbeans/legumes, meat and eggs; fruit and vegetables; milk and dairy products; grains/fibrous foods; and starchy foodsat every meal. (Point to the beneficial foods on the pie-chart divided into five sections.) Achieving this will mean our children are eating a well-balanced diet. Physical growth and development depends on a well-balanced diet of beneficial foods. In eating a wellbalanced diet, what we eat is as important as what else we eat it with. For example, eating chickpeas (protein) with rice (energy) enables the energy provided by the rice to be better used by the body. Instead of eating only yogurt (protein), eating pasta with yogurt (energy) will provide for a better balanced diet. (Point to the pie-chart and remind the mothers of the 5 food groups, then go over each group and the foods in each group. Tell them the amounts of food to intake daily and weekly.) The fruit and vegetable group: Now let us look at how much we can eat from the fruit and vegetable group. (Point to this group [fruit and vegetable] on the pie-chart. Write the daily amount in numbers, next to the group.) Daily amount 2 to 4 oranges or tangerines or apples 2 to 3 servings of cooked vegetables (spinach, cabbage, leeks)

Fruit Vegetables

Beans/legumes-eggs-meat: At the beginning of our discussion you said that from the beans/legumes-meat-eggs group you mostly cooked legumes such as chickpeas, lentils and beans. Now let us see how much children can eat a day from the beans/legumes-meat-eggs group.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

(Point to this group [legumes-meat-eggs] on the pie-chart. Write the daily amount in numbers, next to the group.) Daily amount one serving 1 piece 1 egg Weekly amount 3 times (at least) or Once, or 2 or 3 eggs (on days without meat)

Legumes (with grains) (for example, chickpeas) Meat (for example, chicken) Eggs

Children can eat one serving of beans/legumeschickpeas, lentils, dried beansa day, and 3 to 4 servings a week. They can have 3 meatballs or one serving of chicken or fish once a week, all part of the meat group. Eggs are also a part of this food group, and children can have one egg on the days they dont eat meat. The important point is that we do not have to eat meat all the time. Eating a serving of chickpeas with rice is as beneficial to our body as 3 meatballs. In other words, consuming legumes with grains, especially with bulgur or rice pilaf, or eating eggs, can substitute for meat. Milk and dairy products: Let us take a look at how much children should consume a day of milk and dairy products. (Point to this group [milk and dairy products] on the pie-chart. Write the daily amount in numbers, next to the group.) Daily amount a small piece, or 1 bowl (250 grams) Or 1 glass (200 grams)

Cheese Yogurt Milk

Milk and dairy products are a very important food source for developing children. To meet this need, they can have 1 glass of milk, 1 bowl of yogurt, or a small piece of cheese at breakfast. Grains, cereals, pasta: Daily amounts children can eat of grains, cereals and pasta; for example, they can have two slices of a philo pastry dish. With vegetable dishes, 2 to 4 slices of bread a day is good. (Point to this group [grains, cereals, pasta] on the pie-chart. Write the daily amount in numbers, next to the group.) Daily amount 2 to 4 slices, or 2 servings, or 2 slices, or 1 serving, or

Bread Bulgur Philo pastry dish Potatoes

Starchy/sweet foods and fats: The amount children can consume of starchy/sugary foods and fats a day is: for example, 1 teaspoon of honey. Vegetable oil used in cooking. Honey and molasses meet childrens need for sugar and are beneficial for them. We meet our need for energy from sugar and fat. Up until now, we discussed the amounts children had to consume of beneficial foods to be eating a well-balanced diet. (Distribute and briefly go over Handout 2.)
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

Honey/molasses

Daily amount 1 teaspoon

Now let us talk about your children; what do your children eat for breakfast, lunch, a mid-afternoon snack, and dinner? (Find out at from at least five mothers what their children eat from each food group and how much, on a given day. Write the amount their children eat in numbers (1, 2) or draw how many portions (picture of a plate, a glass) next to the food group. Point to the ideal food groups and portions, and compare what their children eat with what they should be eating.) Looking at what your children eat, we see that some children are not eating enough from all of the food groups. What can we do? We can purchase different foods from each group that provide the same benefits and are affordable. For example, in the fruit and vegetable group, cabbages and apples are more affordable. Beans/legumes (lentils, peas, etc.) are more affordable than meat. Or we can at least increase the variety of foods they eat 2, 3 times a week to make sure our children eat a wellbalanced diet. Although it may seem that some of your children are not eating enough, they are in fact consuming many of the beneficial foods. If children eat enough in one food group, for instance yogurt, the important thing is not to worry that they do not drink milk. The important thing is not to skip meals. Starting the day with breakfast is necessary for a healthy diet. Do any of your children eat breakfast regularly? (Listen to the answers.) If we ourselves regularly have breakfast, if we get up every morning, prepare breakfast and eat, our children will also acquire this habit. How might children benefit from having breakfast regularly? (Listen to the answers.) Children are most ready to learn in the morning. When they skip breakfast or do not intake sufficient nourishment, they may not be able to concentrate; it may be harder for them to learn. Therefore, it is vital that school-aged children have breakfast. When children have a good breakfast, they can be more attentive in school, better understand their lessons and learn well. What do your children have for breakfast? (Listen to the answers.) Even when children are reluctant about having breakfast, you can still give them a piece of bread spread with jam, honey or molasses; a glass of milk, an apple, eggs, cookies, or some yogurt. Now I will distribute a sample weekly meal planner containing healthy foods. (Read and distribute Handout 3, Sample Weekly Meal Planner.") Does anyone here have children who eat almost nothing, who have no appetite? (Listen to the answers.) Why do you think they have no appetite, no desire to eat? (Listen to the answers.) As you also said, there may be many reasons why children do not want to eat the food on their plate. You, your husband or some other family member may be a choosy eater. Then what should we do so that our children are not choosy? (Listen to the answers.) Children follow the example set by their parents, especially during the
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

preschool period. If mothers or fathers are choosy, children will also become choosy. For example, children whose parents do not eat spinach will also not want to eat it. When children are forced to eat, they may become argumentative. Do you encounter such incidents at home? (Get the answer from the mothers.) A mother chasing after a child with no appetite, plate in hand, is a familiar image. What would you think if you were that child? (Listen to the mothers responses.) You would think, My mother will feed me when I get hungry, anyway. So you will not state when you do feel hungry. Instead of forcing children to eat, give them enough time to eat their fill at the table. If children are still being stubborn and refusing to eat, firmly say, You may leave the table if you dont want to eat, but you can't eat anything until the next mealtime." Be very decisive in doing this. If you yield, thinking Oh no, my child will go hungry now, you will not be able to teach your children to eat at appropriate times. Keep in mind that children will definitely eat when they are hungry. Children may also not eat if there is too much food on their plate. This can be prevented by serving children food in amounts they can eat. Acknowledge your childrens behavior when they finish their food by saying, Good for you, you finished your food. Tell your children that they can have seconds if they like. Children may also be reluctant to eat if the food on their plate is larger than bitesize. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) We can cut up the food on their plate into bite-size pieces. For example, children may find it difficult to eat a slice of philo pastry dish. By cutting it up into small pieces, we will have averted the problem. Children may not want to eat because they may not like the taste of the food in front of them. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) You want your children to eat beneficial foods. But sometimes, children insist on not eating certain foods, regardless of how beneficial they are. In such cases, forcing children to eat will never produce desired results. Instead of forcing children to eat foods they do not like, offer these beneficial foods to them in different formats. For example, if children do not like milk we can make milk pudding, give them chocolate milk, or cook soups made with dairy products such as yogurt and milk. If children do not like spinach, we can make a spinach omelet, philo dish with spinach, or spinach soup. Instead of the beneficial food children do not like, give them a substitute for that food. If children do not like meat, give them fish instead, which is richer in protein, and more affordable. An egg or some cheese; a serving of lentils or dried beans; or a glass of milk can all be substituted for meat. Dried fruits and nuts such as hazelnuts, peanuts, raisins, walnuts, sunflower seeds, dried apricots and the like are also all good sources of protein. Children may not want to eat during mealtime because they eat junk food between meals. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) Refuse to give them junk food between meals, and also set an example by not eating any yourself. Children may have no appetite due to fatigue, lack of sleep, illness or while they are recuperating. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) In cases like these, do not be insistent about getting children to eat. If children intake sufficient amount of liquids (water, linden tea, yogurt drink or lemonade) during times of illness, it will
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

not constitute a problem if they do not eat so well for a day or two. After they have recovered from the illness, they will begin to consume the nutrients they lost while they were sick once again. Children may also not eat well if where they are eating is not child-friendly. For instance, they may not be able to reach the things they want easily, or their chair may be uncomfortable. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) Children that are comfortable at the table will sit at it for longer periods of time. This will allow them time to finish their meal. For children to be able to eat comfortably the chair they sit at should not be too high or too low in relation to the table; the height of the chair should be arranged so that they can easily reach their plate. Their fork and spoon should be child-sized. It would be impossible for a 3-year-old to eat with a tablespoon. Sitting down to eat at a table that is not clean, nice or pleasant can also make children lose their appetite. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) Spread a pretty tablecloth on the table to make the setting where children eat more attractive. Place a vase full of flowers on the table. You can also decorate the food on their plate and make it more attractive to them. Give children certain responsibilities in preparing the table to make mealtimes more attractive. They may enjoy eating at the table they set themselves. Some children become so engrossed in whatever is on TV, they forget to eat. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) When the TV is on at mealtime, children often watch it and their food gets cold. To prevent this, turn the TV off and keep it off during mealtimes. Tension and arguments that break out where meals are eaten may also cause children to lose their appetite. So, what can we do? (Listen to the answers.) Food that is consumed is used by the body and turns into energy when children are feeling peaceful and happy. As such, we need to offer children a peaceful environment. Make mealtimes into occasions that are enjoyable, peaceful, and shared as a family. At the table, everyone can talk about the events and things they encountered during the day.

Consider what we talked about today and tell me, how would children who eat a healthy/well-balanced diet develop, how would this relate to their health? (Listen to the mothers responses. Repeat their responses following the format, As Mrs. said, and add anything they missed.) As you also said, children develop rapidly during these years. Children that eat a wellbalanced diet will be healthier. Healthy children do not fall ill easily, since their body is stronger and more resistant to illness. Their teeth do not decay as quickly, since their teeth and bones are strong, thanks to what they eat. Beneficial foods they eat will enable them to grow as tall as they can. Since they are healthy, they will also be active; they will run and play, and thus strengthen their body. Adequate nourishment ensures that brain development, extremely crucial during infancy, is impacted positively. At school, when children are learning new things, they have to pay attention, understand what is said, and convey what they learned in order to be successful. When children eat well, they are able to achieve more. Scholastic achievement results in increased self-confidence and happiness. If you remember, during the first weeks we had talked about physical development. (Go over the figure in that section once again.)
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

HEALTH

DEVELOPMENT

NUTRITION

Therefore, eating a nutritious diet is vital to childrens happiness and ability to achieve. Conversely, eating a diet that is not nutritious and not well-balanced also impacts childrens health and development. WHAT SHOULD WE PAY ATTENTION TO WHEN WE COOK?

We all cook. But the important thing is to cook foods without losing their nutrients, or benefits. How can we cook beans/legumes and vegetables so that we can benefit from them the most? First we will talk about how to cook legumes. How do you cook foods like dried beans, chickpeas, and lentils? (Get the answers from the mothers.) There are many things we can do to cook beans/legumes without destroying their beneficial nutrients. Legumes have to be soaked in water at room temperature 8 to 24 hours prior to being cooked. If you soak them in hot water, they can be soaked for shorter periods of time. Red and yellow lentils, both legumes, can be cooked without prior soaking. It may be necessary to shell the legumes if you are preparing them for young children. If legumes are soaked for long enough, you can peel off their shells very easily. Since the gasmaking qualities of legumes partially dissolve in water when they are soaked in, they then do not create as much gas. However, this also means the water legumes are soaked in should be discarded. Legumes should not be cooked at high temperatures for long periods of time, because legumes cooked this way separate from their shells and lose some of their iron. Legumes do not lose any proteins when they are cooked. So, how should we cook vegetables? How do you cook them? (Get the answers from the mothers.) Before vegetables are cooked they should first be washed well, then peeled, shelled, diced/sliced, and cooked without being soaked in water. Vegetables cooked this way do not lose any nutrients. They also keep their color and shape. One of the most important things to keep in mind when cooking vegetables is to use the water vegetables are boiled in, in cooking other dishes. The reason for this is that when vegetables are boiled, some beneficial nutrients (certain minerals and vitamins that dissolve in water) transfer into the water they were boiled in. Using this water in cooking other dishes ensures these nutrients are not lost. If this water is not used, certain nutrients in vegetables will be lost. However, the vitamin C in vegetables may be lost to a certain extent due to cooking heat. Therefore vegetables must be cooked in small amounts of water in a short period of time. What kind of oils/fats do you use when you cook? (Get the answers from the mothers.) Try to use margarine as little as you can when you are cooking. Instead of large amounts of margarine, it is healthier to consume daily, in small amounts, butter or cheeses made from milk, larger amounts of vegetable oils such sunflower seed oil or corn oil, and if possible, large amounts of olive oil.

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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

Plan and sharing: (Distribute the Take Home Worksheet to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) This week we talked about beneficial and harmful foods, and how we can ensure our children eat a well-balanced diet. We discussed the foods children can eat on a given day so that they eat a well-balanced and healthy diet. We went over how to cook various foods. What would you consider paying attention to this week so your children eat a well-balanced diet? Thinking about what we discussed this week, what foods would you consider buying and cooking this week so your children eat a balanced diet? What will you tell your children so that they do not eat harmful foods? What do you think you might do? What were some things you learned here today? Would you consider sharing information on this topic with your spouses and neighbors? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
A HEALTHY/WELL-BALANCED DIET

Foods beneficial for the body 1. Fruits-vegetables 2. Milk and dairy products 3. Meat-eggs-beans/legumes 4. Grains, cereals, pasta 5. Oils/fats-sugar

Fruits-vegetables

Milk and dairy products

Meat-eggsbeans/legumes

Grains, cereals, pasta Oils/fats-sugar

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HANDOUT 1 BASIC FOODS

Nutrients' Name PROTEINS

Its Benefits Develops the body, makes it robust and strong. The body becomes more resistant to illness.

Possible Outcomes if it is Not Consumed Inadequate growth, lack of strength, anemia, fatigue, less resistant to illness

Food Source Animal-based nutrients (fish, chicken, meat, milk, eggs) dried beans, lentils, hazelnuts, peanuts, flour, bread, pasta, rice, all types of grains All types of foods that contain sugar, flour and starch; grains, potatoes, jams, honey, sweet fruits Animal fats, butter, vegetable, corn, sunflower and peanut oils, olive oil, margarine, cream, dried nuts (peanuts, hazelnuts, pistachios), cheese

CARBOHYDRATES Starch and Sugar

Meets the heat and energy Lack of strength needs of the body. hunger fatigue

OILS/FATS

Meets the heat and Lack of strength energy needs of the body. hunger fatigue Vitamins A and D are found together in some fats (butter). Necessary for physical development and skin structure. Protects against the cold. Promotes the healthy development of bones and teeth, enables muscles to function well. Aids blood clotting. Promotes the healthy development of bones and teeth Causes deficiencies in bone structure and inadequate development of ribcage; difficulties in blood clotting Bone and teeth defects

MINERALS Mineral Salts Calcium

Milk, yogurt, yogurt drink, cheese, ice cream, milk pudding, certain darker colored vegetables, salmon Milk and dairy products, meat, chicken, fish, eggs, dried vegetables, hazelnuts, peanuts, grains. Liver, heart, kidneys, lean meat, egg yolk Green leafy vegetables, dried beans, peas, dried fruit, potatoes Saltwater fish, iodized table salt, fish oil, fruit and vegetable grown in fields by the sea

Phosphorous

Iron

Makes blood, keeps skin healthy

Anemia, fatigue, paleness

Iodine

Good for goiter problems. Goiter disease, delayed Helps provide energy development, delayed for the body. growth

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Nutrients' Name VITAMINS Vitamin A

Its Benefits

Possible Outcomes if it is Not Consumed Delayed and inadequate growth, nightblindness, increase in respiratory diseases are all possible. lack of appetite fatigue constipation headaches

Food Source

Overall growth, strong bones and teeth structure, healthy hair, healthy eyes, eyes adjust to darkness and light well

Milk and milk products, margarine with added vitamin A and butter, egg yolk, liver, kidney, green and yellow vegetables, tomatoes, yellow vegetables, fish oil Bread, flour, all grains, heart, liver, lean meat, milk, eggs, legumes, peanuts, hazelnuts Milk, dairy products, eggs, chicken, liver, kidneys, yellow and green leafy vegetables Flour and grains Dried beans, dried peas, hazelnuts, peanuts lean meat, liver, kidney, chicken and poultry, grains, bulgur, wheat, rice, peanuts, dried vegetables Citrus fruits, lemons, oranges, green leafy vegetables, potatoes, tomatoes, cabbages, etc. melons, strawberries Sunlight, fish oil, tuna fish, sardines, liver, eggs, vitamin D, dehydrated milk, margarine

Vitamin B1

Aids in food digestion. Helps nervous system and heart functions. Aids skin development. Promotes good eyesight and aids digestion.

Vitamin B2

Delayed growth wounds and cracks at the corners of the mouth excessive light sensitivity

Niacin

Promotes healthy skin and normal functioning of the digestive system. Bone and teeth development. The body becomes resistant to illness. Promotes healthy bones and teeth

diarrhea acne depression Joint aches bleeding gums slow-healing wounds

Vitamin C

Vitamin D

Defects in teeth and bone development

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HANDOUT 2 Dear Parents,

DAILY MEAL PLANNING GUIDE Food Group Minimum Daily Amount MILK AND DAIRY PRODUCTS Milk 1 glass (250 grams) per day Yogurt, Cheese, Yogurt Drink, Milk Pudding Cheese 40 grams, Yogurt 250 grams ANIMAL PRODUCTS (Legumes, meat, eggs) Meat, fish, chicken, liver Once a week, 80 to 100 grams (3 meatballs, 1 serving of chicken, liver, etc) Eggs or vegetal meat-lentils, dried beans, On days when meat is not eaten, 2 or 3 chickpeas, etc eggs a week. 3 times a week, always with a serving of grains. FRUIT AND VEGETABLES In the winter: Fruit containing vitamin C, A small orange or tangerine, or a small oranges, tangerines, lemons glass of orange juice or lemonade a day In the summer: Tomatoes, peppers 1 or 2 fruit or vegetables a day, carrots, apples, and the like Other cooked vegetables (green vegetables 2 or 3 servings a day such as spinach, cabbages, leeks and chard; yellow vegetables such as carrots and pumpkins) GRAINS Rice, pasta, philo pastry dish, bulgur, wheat, 2 servings a day bread, or potatoes STARCH/SUGARY FOODS AND OILS/FATS Honey/molasses 1 teaspoon honey/molasses vegetable oil in cooked foods

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HANDOUT 3 Dear Parents,

SAMPLE WEEKLY MEAL PLANNER FOR A WELL-BALANCED DIET FOR PRE-SCHOOL CHILDREN DAYS MONDAY MORNING Milk, butter, olives, bread, honey or molasses Tea with milk, butter, cheese, bread LUNCH OR DINNER MID-AFTERNOON OR BREAK TIME

Potato dish, meatballs, Milk, cookies, nuts or creamy soup, carrot dried fruit salad, fruit Philo pastry with cheese, Fruit, yogurt drink spinach dish with rice, yogurt Chickpeas, rice pilaf, salad, compote Milk pudding

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY Milk, butter, olives, bread, honey or molasses THURSDAY Tea with milk, butter, cheese, bread, egg FRIDAY WEEK TWO MONDAY TUESDAY Tea with milk, butter, cheese, bread Milk, butter, olives, bread, honey Milk, butter, bread, molasses

Lentil soup, leek dish Milk, cookies with ground meat, bread, fruit Turkish ravioli, yogurt, carrot salad, fruit Lentils, pasta, salad, compote Lemonade, cookies

Yogurt with sugar or yogurt drink

Meatballs in a sour Milk, molasses on sauce, potato dish, fruit bread Fruit Green beans with ground meat, rice pilaf with vermicelli, green salad, yogurt with sugar Meatballs, mashed Dessert potatoes, mixed salad, fruit Raisins, hazelnuts or roasted chickpeas

WEDNESDAY Tea with milk, butter, egg, bread

THURSDAY

Milk, butter, olives, bread, honey

FRIDAY

Tea with milk, butter, Turkish tarhana soup, cheese, olives, bread spinach or purslane dish, bulgur pilaf, fruit

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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

PICTURE 1: Beneficial and Harmful Foods


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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

PICTURE 2: Fruits and vegetables


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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

PICTURE 3: Meat, eggs, beans/legumes


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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

PICTURE 4: Milk and dairy products


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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

PICTURE 5: Oil/fat, Sugar


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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

PICTURE 6: Grains, cereals, pasta

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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

PICTURE 7: Eating Age-Inappropriate Amounts of Food


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A Healthy/Well-Balanced Diet

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

PICTURE 8: Eating Age-Appropriate Amounts of Food


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ACCIDENT PREVENTION

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Teach mothers that accidents can be prevented, Inform mothers about accidents that may occur inside and outside the home, and what can be done to prevent them, Inform mothers about the first aid to provide in case accidents occur. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: LIFE SAVING TECHNIQUES HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: Picture 1: Illustration Picture 2: Illustration Picture 3: Illustration Picture 4: Illustration Picture 5: Illustration Picture 6: Illustration A pebble

with medication lying about of child playing with matches of child with a plastic bag over their head of child about to swallow a coin of child playing in the garden of child walking on the sidewalk with their mother

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

ACCIDENT PREVENTION
Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.) Today we will talk about accidents that may befall children at home or outside (in the garden, in traffic). We will discuss the precautions we can take to prevent these accidents from happening. We will also learn about the first aid we can provide in cases where accidents occur. Although we often call accidents that befall children unexpected ones, they can in fact usually be prevented. All we need to do is to take the necessary precautions. If these precautions are taken, we will have provided a safer environment for our children, one that does not invite accidents. What are some precautions we can take to prevent such accidents from happening? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, as you also said: We can try and control the environment in which our children live. We can explain to children what they should not do, and why. We can teach children the necessary information and skills for self-protection. We should try, as much as possible, to avoid leaving our children home alone. Many accidents that can befall children can be prevented by taking precautions. What are some of the most common domestic accidents? (Listen to the answers. Write the underlined sections on the board.) Poisoning Fire Suffocation Blocking of the air passage (Choking) What kinds of accidents may occur outside (in the garden, in traffic)? (Listen to the answers.) Children may fall and injure themselves while playing outside in the garden. They may be bitten by snakes, spiders, or scorpions. When children are playing by the seaside, lakeside or near wells, they may drown. Traffic accidents may occur. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) Now let us discuss the precautions we can take to prevent these accidents when children are playing at home or outside.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

DOMESTIC ACCIDENTS Poisoning (The group leader shows the mothers Picture 1, which depicts poisoning, or hangs it up on the board.) What is happening in this picture? (Listen to the answers.) The child in the picture is alone in the living room, finds some medication on the table and puts it into his mouth. What might result from this? (Listen to the answers.) The child may be poisoned by the medication. As you also said, this picture illustrates a case of poisoning. What are some precautions we can take at home to prevent cases of poisoning? (Listen to the answers.) Place toxic materials such as medication, bleach, rat poison, nitric acid, ammonia, pesticides, iodine, boric acid, herbicides, gasoline and kerosene in a cupboard out of childrens reach, and keep it locked. Tightly close the caps of chemicals such as colognes, shampoo, acetone, shaving lotion and skin lotion, and store them in a cupboard or on a high shelf children cannot reach. Toxic and chemical materials such as these should not be stored in bottles or containers other than their original bottles and containers. For example, do not put detergent into coke bottles, juice bottles, or jars. Children may think these dangerous materials are coke or juice, drink them, and be poisoned. When you take these materials out to use them, do not allow children to play with them and put them back in a place out of childrens reach as soon as you are done. When children are ill and do not want to take their medication, do not try to trick them into taking it by saying, see, this is candy. Children may later eat medication similar to what they took, thinking it is candy, and be poisoned. Explain to children that these materials are very dangerous and that if swallowed, they can poison them. Tell children that if they swallow such toxic materials accidentally to come and tell you immediately. Do not give children any more medication than what the doctor prescribed. Excessive doses of medication can also cause poisoning in children. What are the first aid interventions we can apply in cases where children are poisoned? (Listen to the answers.) In cases like these, try to get children to vomit. However, when certain materials are swallowed, making children vomit is quite dangerous. And especially when younger children are trying to vomit, the vomit can seep into the lungs and cause even a larger threat. Therefore, the best solution in cases like these is to get children to a doctor immediately, without trying to get them to vomit. If children have burns around their mouth, or if you think they swallowed chemicals, wash their skin and lips with water. If they are conscious, give them some water or milk to drink. Try to find out what poisoned the child and how long ago it occurred. As you go to the hospital, take with you the medication, bottle of chemicals, etc. that might have been the source of the case of poisoning. Such information is vital for the doctor that will attend to your child.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

Fire
(The group leader shows the mothers Picture 2, which depicts fire, or hangs it up on the board.) What do you see in this picture? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, the child is playing with matches and the pieces of paper on the floor are catching on fire. What might this lead to? (Listen to the answers.) If the child is unaware that the match can be dangerous, this situation could lead to a fire. How else might a fire start? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, fires can start from playing with matches, stoves, short circuits and the explosion of portable propane gas bottles. What are some precautions we can take at home to prevent fires? (Listen to the answers.) Many fires are initiated by children playing with matches or lighters who accidentally set fire to pieces of paper or the curtains. Do not leave matches, lighters or other fire hazards lying around. Explain to children why they should not play with matches or lighters. For example, you might say, I dont want you to ever play with matches. A tiny flame from a burning match can burn you, as well as burn our house down. Never leave a burning barbeque or stove unattended. Many children die from fires caused by burning barbeques and stoves left unattended. Old or exposed wires must be repaired, live wires must be removed from spaces children walk around in, unused sockets must either be covered up or made obsolete. Explain to children that items such as paper, nylon, synthetic clothing and the like are highly flammable and must be kept away from fire. We must also keep these items away from fire ourselves. Kerosene stoves, kerosene lamps, kerosene containers and propane gas bottles must not be stored in hot places or close to a fire source. Prior to pouring gas on newly extinguished wood, coal, or gas stoves, make sure the fire has really gone out. Do not put items that could topple over easily, like teapots or pans, on the front row of the stove. Make sure their handles are facing the back of the stove. Children may knock them over as they are passing by the stove and get burned. Teach children the telephone number for the fire department and your home address, and practice how they should notify the authorities of a fire if necessary. Parents must consider how to extinguish a fire beforehand, and inform their children about their plan. Children must be taught where they should exit the home and how, in case of a fire. We must make sure that there are ready water sources and small fire extinguishers close to places that are high risk for fire such as the kitchen or the heating stove. Keep in mind that thick items that will cut the fires air supply, such as blankets, carpets and kilims can be used to extinguish a fire. What are the first-aid interventions we can apply if our children get burns? (Listen to the answers.) If the burnt area is small, hold it under water until the pain lessens. This will prevent the burn from blistering. If the burn has blistered, cover it up with a gauze pad or clean cloth and bandage it up. Do not burst the blistered skin.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

Do not spread foreign substances on the burn such as yogurt, oil, toothpaste or oily lotions. If the burn is large, and the childs clothing has been in contact with boiling water, boiling fat or chemicals, take them off, if necessary cut them off. Cool the burned areas by either soaking the child in water or wrapping them in a wet sheet. Do not rub the childs skin. If it is a chemical burn, wash the burn with plenty of water. However, make sure water from the burned area does not run over to the unburned parts of the skin. Cover the burned area with a gauze bandage, handkerchief, or sheet. If the burned area is larger than 2 to 3 centimeters, or the result of an electric shock, provide the first-aid discussed above and then immediately consult a doctor. Suffocation (The group leader shows Picture 3 or hangs it up on the board.) What do you see in this picture? (Listen to the answers.) A child with a plastic bag over their head. What might this lead to? (Listen to the answers.) A child with a plastic bag over their head can suffocate. What other incidents can result in suffocation? (Listen to the answers.) Gas poisoning and inability to breathe due to blocked oral and nasal passageways can also cause suffocation. What kinds of precautions can we take at home to prevent children from suffocating? (Listen to the mothers.) Make sure the domestic appliances that are used with kerosene, propane bottles or coal gas do not leak. Explain to children that they should not touch the valves or control buttons of these appliances, and why. Keep children away from and make sure they are not left unattended in the presence of these appliances. When done with the cooking stove, turn off the gas valves. Do not light a barbeque, a woodstove with no pipes or other fuels in unventilated places with no chimney. In rooms that are heated by appliances that work with propane gas, or a wood- or coal-burning stove, even when it is very cold keep a window slightly open at night or extinguish the heat source completely when going to bed. If you have a water heater that works with propane, make sure its piping system has been laid correctly and that its chimney mechanism has been constructed properly. To ensure gas does not accumulate in case there is a gas leak, make sure the bathroom door is at least 2 to 3 centimeters above the ground. Do not lock the bathroom door from the inside. It is very dangerous for children to play with plastic bags. If they put it on their head, the bag can stick to their nostrils and mouth. As they panic and try to breathe, the plastic bag will stick to their face even more and prevent them from breathing, completely. Plastic bags should not be left in places children can reach, and we should also explain to children why they are dangerous and not something to play with. Ropes, belts, straps and nylon ribbons also present a threat to children. Children may wrap these things around their neck. Similarly, the strings that control Venetian blinds can also pose a threat and must be adjusted so that they are out of childrens reach. Explain to children why they should not play with such objects, and why. Narrow, stuffy, or unused cupboards that children can put their head into, or could get stuck in or lock themselves in, are extremely dangerous. These dangers must
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Accident Prevention

be explained to children. Refrigerators are especially dangerous, because they cannot be opened from the inside and would block out any calls for help. What are the first-aid interventions we can apply if our children suffocate? (Listen to the answers.) Take them out into fresh air and get them to breathe comfortably. If the plastic bag on their head is preventing them from breathing, tear out the parts that are stuck on their mouth and nostrils. If they are unconscious, cannot breathe, or exhibit some other distressing symptom, call for emergency assistance immediately. Blocking of the Air Passage (Choking) (The group leader shows Picture 4 or hangs it up on the board.) What do you see in this picture? (Listen to the answers.) A child putting a coin in his mouth. What might this lead to? (Listen to the answers.) The coin could block the childs air passage and cause him to choke. What other incidents can result in choking? (Listen to the answers.) Childrens air passage can be blocked by something they ate, something they tried to swallow, or playing with burst balloons. What are some precautions we can take at home to prevent cases of choking? (Listen to the answers.) When giving children fish or meat, make sure to first clean all the bones in the food. Otherwise the bones may get stuck in their throat and irritate them or cause them to choke. Since the teeth of children younger than 6 have not yet come in completely, do not leave them unattended when you give them foods such as hazelnuts, peanuts, popcorn, roast chickpeas, small pieces of candy, and Turkish delight; make sure these foods do not get lodged in their air passage. Do not allow children to put such foods or small objects such as marbles into their nostrils or ears. Caution them about this beforehand. Young children, especially around the age of 3 to 4, try to swallow nearly everything they can get their hands on. So never leave objects like barrettes, buttons, safety pins, marbles, coins, olives, thumbtacks, needles, and nails lying around and caution your children about this beforehand. Children love balloons, but balloons can lead to very perilous accidents. Give children balloons only after you have inflated and tied up their ends; if they burst, get rid of them immediately. Children may try to inflate burst balloons, and instead of blowing outward, may suck in the balloon when inhaling for air. Since the balloon will be blocking their air passage, they will not be able to breathe and may die. Explain to children why they should not speak or play games with their mouth full, and set an example with our own behavior. What kind of first aid can we give to children that are choking? (Listen to the answers.) If the child is an infant, hold them from their ankles and hold them upside down, or lay them facedown on your knees. Firmly hit them 3-4 times between the shoulder blades, and rub upwards. With older children, sit down and lay them on your knee facedown, with their head hanging downward. With one hand, hold and support their chest while
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

firmly hitting them a few times between the shoulder blades. If the airway cannot be cleared this way, place your fingers in their mouth and try to take out the object blocking it. In doing so, try not to push that object even further down their airway. Despite these first-aid applications if the child is still not able to breathe, if we have not been able to take out the object blocking the airway, or if the child is not recovering after we have taken the object out, we need to call for emergency assistance immediately. If there is something in the childs ear, place a towel on their shoulders and make them tilt their head to the side so the problem ear is facing upward, and drop a few drops of warm water into it. Next, make them tilt their head so the problem ear is facing downward. The water may collect and bring out the object stuck in the ear. If you are unable to retrieve the object, consult a doctor. ACCIDENTS THAT CAN HAPPEN OUTSIDE THE HOME (The group leader shows the mothers Picture 5 on an accident in the garden, or hangs it up on the board.) What do you see in this picture? (Listen to the answers.)The boy is playing in a garden full of nails and broken glass. What might this lead to? (Listen to the answers.) His feet could get cut and bleed. What other kinds of accidents could occur in the garden? (Listen to the answers.) If there is a well in the garden; if the garden is enclosed with barbed wire; or if there are poisonous animals in the garden, they can all cause a variety of accidents. What are some things we can do to prevent accidents that could occur when children play outside? (Listen to the mothers.) If there is barbed wire, broken pieces of glass and nails where children play, they may fall and injure themselves while they are playing. This is why it is important that the spaces where children play be safe. Do not allow children to play in places where there may be dangerous animals such as snakes, spiders and scorpions present. If they are bitten by a snake, spider or scorpion, first give them first-aid, then immediately consult a physician. Children sometimes drown in seas and lakes, wells, wastewater pits, bathtubs, and large cauldrons. Never leave children unattended by the seaside or lakesides, wells, ponds, large and deep cauldrons or barrels. Children can just as easily drown in shallow waters, because when their head is under water their first instinct is not to take their head out of the water, but to take a deep breath so that they can scream. This action fills their lungs with water. Do not allow children to play close to ponds that are not surrounded by a fence or link fence, or wells that have not been very securely covered up. Explain the reason for this to your children. Places like this should be boarded up or enclosed with a fence as soon as possible. Still, do not leave children unattended near places like this. If you find it necessary to collect water at home, prefer containers that have a small opening like jerry cans or buckets, instead of wide-mouthed ones like cauldrons or bathtubs. If you do collect water in large containers, make sure their covers cannot be removed by children, or keep them locked up. What might be the first-aid to apply in cases of snakebites, spider bites or scorpion bites? (Listen to the answers.) Calm the child and get them to sit down. Keep the bitten area lower than the heart and immobilize it. Wash the area thoroughly and go to a hospital immediately.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

What might be the first-aid to apply in case children drown? (Listen to the answers.) First, check to see if the child is conscious and whether or not they are breathing. If they are coughing or vomiting, this means they are able breathe. If they cannot breathe, do not waste any time by trying to empty the water in their lungs. Clean out anything in their mouth, like mud or seaweed, and begin mouth to mouth resuscitation. Traffic Accidents (The group leader shows the mothers Picture 6 or hangs it on the board.) What do you see in this picture? (Listen to the answers.) The child is walking, facing oncoming traffic. What might this cause? (Listen to the answers.) If the child frees himself from his mothers hand and steps onto the street, there might be an accident. What are some other situations where children could be part of a traffic accident? (Listen to the answers.) Children may have an accident if they sit up front in the car, ride their bicycle in traffic, or run onto the street after their ball. Unfortunately, traffic accidents result in deaths and injuries across the world, and in Turkey. Ninety percent of accidents in Turkey are caused by human error. Children must learn about traffic rules and obey them so as to be able to protect themselves from accidents. What can we do to prevent possible traffic accidents? (Listen to the mothers.) Prevent children from playing ball or riding their bicycle on busy streets. Make sure they play in the garden or on pedestrian streets, playgrounds, or schoolyards. Teach children to walk on sidewalks and on the right-hand side of these sidewalks when they are walking along roads and streets. Hold on tight to their hands as you walk along the street or are crossing the road. Make sure children walk not toward oncoming traffic but with the flow of traffic. Teach children about traffic rules. Caution them to cross the road where there are traffic lights. Teach children about the meanings of traffic lights. Teach them to stop when the light is red, get ready to cross when it is yellow, and cross on green. Teach children how to cross the road. With your children, stand at the edge of the sidewalk without stepping onto the road or street. First look left, then right, then left again to check and see if any vehicles are coming, and if not, quickly cross the road. When you come to the middle of the road, look to the right again to make sure no vehicles are coming, then continue crossing the road without running, but quickly. Teach children where to cross the road. Teach them to cross the road where there are traffic lights, a traffic police, pedestrian and school crossings, and overpasses and underpasses. Make sure children sit in the back of the car and teach them how to secure their seatbelt. Caution children to take the safest route, not the shortest one on their way to school or the store.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

(Distribute Handout 1. Go over it and discuss its content. Suggest that they keep it somewhere handy at home, in case there is an emergency and they need to use it.) Everything we discussed here are first-aid practices that can be applied if children are involved in an accident. After they are applied, it is an absolute must to take children to see a doctor. The Medicine Chest

Every house needs to have a medicine chest where the necessary tools and medications are stored. It should be one you can lock and also be high enough so that it is out of childrens reach. The medicine chest should be well-organized; it should be easy to find whatever is necessary. Items that should be in the medicine chest: Cotton wool, hydrogen peroxide, iodine, bandages, band-aids, gauze dressing, a thermometer, hot-water bottle, and disinfectants like Batticon or Zephiran, alcohol, or cologne. (Write the emergency numbers below on the board.) EMERGENCY NUMBERS FIRE DEPARTMENT 110 EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE 112 POISON CONSULTATION HOTLINE 0800 314 79 00 (TOLL-FREE NUMBER)

Plan and Sharing: (Distribute the Take Home Worksheet to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) Today we talked about accidents that could happen to children. What are some of the precautions you are planning on taking at home to prevent domestic accidents? What precautions will you take to prevent cases of poisoning? What precautions will you take to prevent fires? What precautions will you take to prevent burns? What precautions will you take to prevent cases of choking? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing in the take home worksheet, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Accident Prevention

BOARD PLAN

ACCIDENT PREVENTION

Domestic accidents Poisoning Fire Suffocation Blockage in airway (choking) Accidents outside the home Traffic accidents

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Accident Prevention

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Picture 1: Illustration with medication lying about

Accident Prevention

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PICTURE 2: Illustration of child playing with matches

Accident Prevention

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PICTURE 3: Illustration of child with a plastic bag over their head

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Accident Prevention

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PICTURE 4: Illustration of child putting a coin into their mouth

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PICTURE 5: Illustration of child playing in the garden

Accident Prevention

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PICTURE 6: Illustration of mother and child walking on the sidewalk

HANDOUT 1

LIFE-SAVING TECHNIQUES
Knowing the techniques described here well will make it possible to apply them in case of an emergency. Sometimes, even seconds count. If your children appear unconscious, apply the techniques here before tending to their wounds. If they are not breathing, to prevent damage to the brain from lack of oxygen, it is vitally important to make sure air reaches their lungs. You can achieve this by blowing the air you inhale into their lungs. If their heart is not beating, you can perform heart massage to ensure blood circulation continues. Never despair if you have to apply these techniques at some point. There are children that have revived after many hours of life-saving efforts. UNDERSTANDING LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS Tap the sole of their feet while simultaneously calling out their name. Watch to see if they react in any way. Do not shake the child, if they have been injured you could make it worse. DO NOT DELAY If children lose consciousness even for a second or two (become unconscious), call emergency assistance immediately..

Gently tap the sole of their feet

CHECKING FOR RESPIRATION First, to open the mouth, gently pull the chin down.

If you elicit no reaction, it means the child is unconscious; without delay check to see if they are breathing. If you elicit a reaction, check where the injury is and apply appropriate first aid. (See pp. 3-4)

1 Lay the child down flat on their back, on a hard surface and kneel beside them. Place a hand on their forehead and gently push their head back a little. With your other hand, open their mouth. If there is no sign that the child is breathing, either bodily turn them to one side or lay them facedown on your knees. If there is anything preventing them from breathing, put a finger into their mouth to try and remove it. Be careful that you do not push whatever is preventing the child to breathe further down into the air passage. Check

once again to see if they are breathing. Turn your head to face their feet and lower your ear to their mouth and nose. Try to hear sounds of breathing or feel the air on your ear. At the same time, check to see if the ribcage is moving up and down with respiration. If the child is breathing, turn them over and lay them down in the recovery position (See p. 2), and immediately call for assistance.

EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE: CALL 112


Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

THE RECOVERY POSITION


If the child is unconscious but breathing, lay them down in this position. This is the safest position to lay them down, because it prevents the tongue or vomit-if the child vomits-from blocking the airway.

CAREFUL!
If you suspect the child has a neck or a back injury, if they fell from high or were involved in a traffic accident, do not lay them down in the recovery position.

Turn the child's face toward you, with the chin pointing up. Place the arm closest to you along their body and tuck their hand beneath their buttock with the palm facing up. Bend the other arm and place it on the abdomen. Place the far leg on the leg closer to you.

Turn the head to one side and tilt it backwards; their chin should be facing forward.

Spread a blanket or jacket next to the child. Place on hand on their face for protection, and hold onto their buttock with your other hand. Slowly roll the child toward you, onto the blanket.

Making sure the mouth and nose is clear, support the body by bending the arm and leg closer to you at a right angle to the body. Slowly pull out the arm tucked beneath the body and place it next to the body.

Place a blanket or coat over the child and call for assistance. Do not leave their side until help arrives. Check their breathing and heartbeat every three minutes.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

CHOKING
A small object or piece of food can block the airway and cause sudden coughing. This object has to be removed as quickly as possible to enable the child to breathe normally again. Young children tend to put everything they get their hands on into their mouth, so incidents of choking can be frequent. Infants can find it difficult to swallow dry and crumbly foods like cookies and breadsticks, and so should be avoided.

IN INFANTS Either hold the infant by the feet and turn them upside down or place them facedown on your knees. Deliver 3 or 4 blows between the shoulder blades, then rub the area.

IN CHILDREN Sit or kneel down on one knee and lay the child facedown on your lap. Support their chest with one hand and deliver a few forceful blows to their back.

Ribcage Ribs

2
not to push the object further down as you do the finger sweep.

Press down here Navel

If you are unable to dislodge the object this way, perform a finger sweep to try and remove the object. Be very careful

If the infant is still not breathing, lay them down on their side and gently tilt their head back. Support their back with one hand, and with two fingers of your other hand press down in the middle of the area where the navel and the ribcage forms an inverted V (see illustration above). The pressure you apply must be inward and upward, applied quickly and forcefully. DO NOT DELAY! If the child cannot breathe, If you cannot remove the object blocking the airway, If your child is not recovering although you removed the object Call for emergency assistance immediately.

Grasp your thumb as you make a fist

If there is no change, sit the child in your lap face forward. Support their back with one hand, make a fist with your other hand and press down in the middle of the area where the ribcage forms an inverted V (see illustration opposite). The pressure you apply must be inward and upward, applied quickly and forcefully. Grasp your thumb as you make a fist.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

DO NOT DELAY! If your child, Passes out, Any given object too close can cover the Cannot breathe even for a few child's mouth and nose and smother them. seconds, Exhibits any disturbing symptoms, Call for emergency assistance What Should Be Done? immediately. If they are breathing but unconscious, lay them down in the recovery position If they are (see p. 2) and call conscious, for emergency stay with them assistance. and soothe them.

SUFFOCATION

1 remove whatever it is that is


covering their face.

Either lift the infant or immediately

2 conscious and whether or not they


are breathing (see p. 1).

Check to see if the child is

DROWNING

If the child is breathing but unconscious, lie them down in the recovery position to What Should Be Done? Check to see if the child is conscious and whether drain water or not they are breathing (see p. 1). If they are from their coughing or vomiting, this means they are able to lungs and breathe. If there is a chance of injury to the neck, mouth (see p. back, or lower back, lift them gently, and try to 2) and call for keep the spine immobilized. emergency assistance immediately. Place a blanket or jacket on the child to keep them warm. Since being in contact with With a finger sweep, remove any seaweed or cold water can cause them to catch a mud that may have filled into their mouth. serious cold, make sure they are taken to a warm place as soon as possible. DO NOT DELAY! If the child is conscious, talk to them, If your child has just survived a case of reassure them, soothe them. Do not drowning, call for emergency assistance forget to keep them warm. immediately even if they have not lost Infants and children can drown even in very shallow waters. When their head is submerged, children's initial automatic reaction is not to lift their head out of the water but to take a deep breath to scream. consciousness.

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

SHOCK
Shock is a serious, lifethreatening condition caused by a dangerous drop in blood pressure. May also arise in cases of wounds with excessive bleeding, or severe burns. What Should Be Done?

SYMPTOMS Pale, cool, clammy skin Purple tinge to lips and inside the mouth Rapid and shallow breathing Listlessness Drowsiness and clouded consciousness Loss of consciousness DO NOT DELAY! If your child is in shock call for emergency assistance immediately.

Lay the child down, tilt their head to one side and raise their feet about 20 cm above the ground. You can put pillows or blankets under their feet. If the leg is broken, or if the leg has been bitten by a venomous snake or a scorpion, do not raise the legs. Place something on the child to keep them warm. Do not try to warm the body with a hotwater bottle or electric blanket; this will cause blood to rush to

the skin and withdraw from the vital organs. If the child feels thirsty, wet their lips with a wet cloth. Do not give them anything to eat or drink. You can give them water to drink only in cases of severe burns. If they lose consciousness, check to see if they are breathing or not (see p. 1).

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If the child is breathing, lay them down in the recovery position (see p. 2).

POISONING
Infants and young children are curious and willing to put anything they find into their mouth; therefore toxic materials have to be kept in a place out of their reach, under lock and key. Poisoning is an important and often observed problem in children. SYMPTOMS Symptoms differ according to the type of toxin ingested. Some more common symptoms are listed here: Stomachache Vomiting Symptoms of shock (see section above) Febrile convulsions

What Should Be Done? If the child passes out, check their breathing

Drowsiness Loss of consciousness If a flammable or acidic poison, burning sensation or color change in the mouth Finding poison or empty poison containers close by the child

(see p. 1). If you see burns around the mouth or if there are any other symptoms that lead you to suspect that your child swallowed a chemical solution, wash their skin and lips with water. If the child is conscious, give them some milk or water to drink. If you see burns around the mouth or if there are any other symptoms that lead you to suspect that your child swallowed a chemical solution, wash their skin and lips with water. If the child is conscious, give them some milk or water to drink. If the child throws up, take a sample of it and give it to the doctor. Do not try to induce vomiting.

If the child is breathing, lay them down in the recovery position (see p. 2).

POISON CONSULTATION CENTER: 0800 314 79 00


Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

BURNS
Minor, top layer burns about 2 to 3 cm in size that produce redness are not very important; they can treated at home. However, because larger burns can cause dehydration and infection, they can be quite dangerous.

DO NOT DELAY! In cases where the below conditions are true, first give first-aid, and then immediately go to a medical center. If the burned area is larger than 2 to 3 cm If the burn is an electrical burn (see p. 2).

SMALL BURNS
What Should Be Done?

LARGE BURNS
What Should Be Done?
With a pair of scissors cut off their undershirt.

Run cool water over the burned area until the pain lessens. This can help to stop the burn from blistering. If the burn does blister, cover it with a gauze pad or a clean, soft cloth and tape it. Do not break any blisters. They will protect the burn as new skin is being made. Do not apply things like lotion, toothpaste or yogurt to the burn.

1with boiling water, hot oil or chemicals is

If the garment that came into contact

a loose-fitting piece of clothing, take it off the child, making sure it does not touch IF CHILDREN ARE them anywhere else. Do not try to take off ON FIRE WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON burnt or scorched clothing stuck to the burned skin. Cool the burns with cool water. Either place the child in a bathtub filled with cool water, or wrap them up in a clean towel or sheet that has been soaked in cool water. Do not rub the skin.

What Should Be Done? Lay the child down on the ground, with the burning area facing upwards. Do not touch these areas with your hands; do not bring your clothes close. Try to put out the flames by dousing them with water or covering them with a kilim, a blanket, or some heavy curtains. Try not to cover the child's head as you are doing so. If it is an electrical burn, do not drench the child with water. Do not try to put out the flames with plastic items or other flammable materials. Do not try to take the child outside; the open air will only feed the flames. Once the fire is out, apply first-aid for large burns.

If the burn is a chemical burn, wash the skin with a lot of cool water, but make sure the water does not run onto unburned parts of the skin. Cover the burn with a clean gauze pad. If you have no sterile gauze pads at hand, an

ironed handkerchief or pillowcase will also do. Check to see if the child exhibits the symptoms of shock. Provide relevant first-aid (see p. 5). If the child is thirsty, you may give them some water.

FIRE

DEPARTMENT:

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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

HEAVY BLEEDING
If the child has a wound that is spurting blood profusely, or the bleeding does not stop in five minutes, you need to try and stop the bleeding so the blood can coagulate. What Should Be Done? as described below. Cover the wound with a clean piece of cloth. A clean handkerchief or a cloth napkin will do the job. Apply pressure for about 10 minutes. If you cannot find a piece of cloth to place on the wound,

1the body to a

Bring the part of

level higher than their heart. This will slow the blood flow

to the injured area. Check to see if there is a foreign object stuck in the wound. If so, provide first-aid

DO NOT DELAY! If your child is bleeding heavily, after giving them first-aid take them to a hospital immediately.

press the edges of the wound together and apply pressure with your hand. Without removing the cloth you applied to the wound, place a new piece of cloth on it and tightly bandage the wound. Do not remove the

bandage even if it gets bloodied; continue to apply pressure and wrap another bandage around it. Check to see if the child exhibits the symptoms of shock (see p. 5). Provide first-aid if necessary.

FOREIGN OBJECTS IN A WOUND


Small particles like splinters or dirt in the wound will generally be discarded by bleeding. Larger objects may be removed from the surface of the wound. If there is a foreign object stuck in the wound, provide first-aid as described below. What Should Be Done? If the wound is bleeding profusely, bring the wound to a level higher than the heart and apply pressure to the edges of the wound, around the foreign object stuck in it. If the bleeding increases, stop applying pressure. Do not attempt to remove the object or clean the wound.

Lightly bandage the wound, make sure the object does not get stuck even deeper in it.

DO NOT DELAY! If there is a foreign object stuck in your child's body, after providing first-aid get them to a hospital immediately.

2pressure to the
wound for a while, and fashion a ring from a clean handkerchief or gauze pad by twisting it like a sausage.
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

Stop applying

3made with the

Take the ring you

handkerchief, place it so that it surrounds the wound, and bandage it up with a gauze pad. Make sure you do not bandage it too tightly.
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CUTS AND SCRAPES


Children often get cuts and scratches, and most of them can be treated at home. Make sure your children get their tetanus shots at the appropriate time. Tetanus infects the body from cuts and scratches. Treat animal bites like you would treat a cut, however, if it is a venomous animal or an insect bite, see page 13.

1 Clean the wound with a

First, wash your hands.

What Should Be Done?

cotton wool washed under running water and dipped in an antiseptic solution. Use a new cotton wool each time you wipe the wound. If there is a foreign object stuck in it, do not attempt to remove it. DO NOT DELAY! If the cut is wide and deep, If the wound is covered in dirt, If there is a serious wound on the face, If the wound is crushed or its edges are not smooth, If the wound is small but deep, as is the case with stepping on rusty nails or an animal bite, Go to the hospital immediately after providing first-aid. If the skin around the wound later becomes red and begins to hurt, it may have become infected; consult your physician as soon as possible.

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If your child was bitten by an animal, wash the wound carefully with a lot of soap and water. If the bleeding has not subsided after 5 minutes, put pressure on the wound for a few minutes with a clean handkerchief or a gauze pad. Cover the wound with a band-aid to keep it clean. Do not put an antiseptic ointment on the cut. Do not remove the band-aid or dressing until the wound is completely healed. This will keep the wound moist, making it easier to heal. Change the band-aid or dressing every day. You can wet the edges of the band aid to make it come off easier.

NOSEBLEEDS
A blow to the nose, nose-picking, or eager nose-blowing can all cause nosebleeds. Nosebleeds can also happen for no reason at all. Children who have narrower blood vessels in their nose can be more susceptible to nosebleeds. What Should Be Done? Have the child tilt their head forward, over the sink or a basin, And pinch and close off their nostrils for about 10 minutes. Tell them not to sniff the blood or swallow it, but to spit it out. If the bleeding continues, apply either a piece of cloth soaked in very cold water or an ice pack to the nose for 2 to 3 minutes, then pinch and close off the nose again.

1 2

3 allow them to blow their nose for about


CALL THE DOCTOR If the nose continues bleeding with the same intensity for half an hour, call your doctor right away. If your child gets frequent nosebleeds, consult your doctor.
Tightly pinch the nose and close the nostrils.

After the bleeding has stopped, do not

Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

HEAD INJURIES AND FACIAL WOUNDS


Head injuries are common in children, and although they may cause bruises and swelling, they are often more frightening than threatening. A small injury to the head or forehead can bleed quite profusely. A severe blow to the head can cause brain concussion resulting from the sudden movement of the brain inside the skull, or inter-cranial bleeding, the symptoms of which are not readily apparent. The symptoms of these types of injuries are given below. DO NOT DELAY! If your child experiences a blow to the head and exhibits any abnormal behavior or one of the symptoms below within 24 hours, call for emergency assistance immediately. Loss of consciousness, even if temporary Vomiting Snoring or labored breathing that is not ordinary What Should Be Done? If swelling occurs after a blow to the head, apply a cloth soaked in cold water or an ice pack; this will reduce the swelling. Check the changes in the skin underneath every minute, if a patch of white surrounded by redness develops, you can stop applying cold. If the injury to the head is bleeding, apply pressure with a clean handkerchief or gauze pad as you would with a laceration anywhere else on the body (see p. 1). Difficulty waking up, extreme listlessness and dizziness Bleeding or clear fluid from the nose or ear Abnormal bleeding Extreme headache Being disturbed by bright lights

324 hours. Watch to see if

Monitor the child closely for

any of the symptoms described above and require assistance without delay develop or not. If the blow to the head was severe, rouse the child every three hours; if the child cannot be awakened, call for emergency assistance immediately. If bleeding or clear fluid comes from the nose or the ears, spread out a clean sheet under the nose and ears and lay the child down in the recovery position. If the fluid is coming from the ear, lay the child down on that ear to help drain it. Do not try to stop the fluid.

BROKEN TEETH If children break or dislocate a tooth, immediately consult a dentist and bring the broken piece or the dislodged tooth with you.

BRUISES AND SWELLING


After a collision or a fall, internal bleeding in the tissue under the skin can cause swelling and discoloration. They generally slowly heal and disappear in about a week.

What Should Be Done? Apply a cloth soaked in very cold water, or ice wrapped in a wet towel. If you can keep it on the swollen area for about half an hour, the pain and the swelling will subside.

2 and the child has

If there is a lot of pain difficulty moving their swollen arm or leg, check to see if the bone is broken or if the joint has been sprained (see p. 10).

CRUSHED FINGERS If the child's fingers get caught in the door or window and get crushed, hold them under cold

water for a few minutes. If the fingers swell a lot or if it still hurts hours later, take the child to the hospital.
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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

SPRAINS
Sprains occur when the strong cords that support the joints, called ligaments are damaged. They may cause symptoms similar to those of fractures. If you cannot differentiate between a sprain and a fracture, provide first-aid as if it were a fracture.
Support the sprained joint by placing something soft beneath it.

What Should Be Done? Slowly remove the shoe, sock, and anything else that may increase the swelling of the sprained joint. Place the sprained joint in the position it is least

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painful and support it from underneath. To reduce the pain and swelling, wrap it with a cloth soaked in cold water or place an ice pack on it. Wrap a thick layer of cotton wool around the

sprain, and tightly bandage it. If the bandage is too tight you will cut off circulation, nails might turn white, or even purple. Watch out to see this does not happen.

SYMPTOMS Pain in the sprained joint Swelling and later, bruising Difficulty in moving the joint

DO NOT DELAY! After providing first-aid, go to the hospital immediately.

BROKEN AND DISLOCATED BONES


Because their bones have not yet hardened and are still flexible, fractures are very rare in infants and young children. Sometimes the bone fracture is partial. This is called a greenstick fracture. If one or more of the bones that comprise a joint slide out of their socket, then that bone is said to be dislocated. If you suspect your child's neck or back is broken, and if they are still able to breathe, do not move them. What Should Be Done? Slowly remove the shoe, sock, and anything else that may increase the swelling of the sprained joint. Do not move the child unless really necessary. Support the fracture or dislocated joint with padding and try to make the child comfortable. If the wrist, arm, or collarbone is broken, support the fractured area with padding and if the child allows you to, slowly bend the arm from the elbow and secure it in a sling. Do not force the arm to get it into the sling. If the leg or ankle is broken, lay the
Make the knots of the bandage on the side of the uninjured leg. Support with padding.

child down and place padding around the fracture, and between the knees and ankles. Check for shock symptoms, and give first-aid accordingly (see p. 5). If you suspect the leg is broken, do not raise the child's legs.

SYMPTOMS Extreme pain where the injury is Swelling, and later, bruising Difficulty in moving the joint

Misshapen limbs where the injury is; the leg or the arm may be bent at an unusual angle or may appear shorter than the other limb
Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

DO NOT DELAY! After providing the necessary first-aid, go to the hospital immediately.
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EYE IRRITATIONS
An eyelash or a dust particle can easily get into everyone's eye. If your child's eye becomes bloodshot and watery but you cannot see anything in it, it may be infection that is causing the irritation. What Should Be Done? Wait a few minutes to see if the eye will become watery and discard the foreign object. Do not allow the child to rub their eyes. If the object is still there, inspect the child's eye under a light source. With your thumb, gently pull the lower eyelid down and tell the child to look upwards. If you can see the object on the white of the eye, twist the corner of a clean handkerchief or a wet piece of cotton wool, and try to collect the particle with its tip.

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4 anything in the eye,


pinch the upper eyelid by the eyelashes and pull it down over the lower eyelid. If the object is underneath the upper eyelid, this may help to dislodge it. If the child's eye still hurts and is watery, if the object is not on the white of the eye, or if it is not readily removable, place cotton wool padding on the eye, tie a scarf over it, and go to the hospital. Do not allow the child to rub their eye. Do not try to remove an object that is on the pupil or stuck in the white of the eye.

If you cannot see

CHEMICALS IN THE EYE If any type of chemical solution or abrasive liquid gets into the child's eyes, immediately open the eye with your fingers and wash the eyes with a lot of water. If only one eye is affected, tilt their head so the affected

eye is facing downwards to prevent the other eye from being affected. Place a thick layer of cotton wool padding on the eye, tie a scarf over it, and go to the hospital immediately, take the container of the irritant with you.

SYMPTOMS Pain in the eye Watery and bloodshot eye Child rubs the eye

FOREIGN OBJECTS IN EARS


An insect may get into the child's ear, or the child may push a small object into it. Until children are old enough to understand they should not put things into their ears, do not allow them to play with small objects like beads or marbles, do not give them hazelnuts etc. to eat. What Should Be Done? Place a towel on the child's shoulders, tilt their head so the ear with an object in it is facing upwards, and pour a few drops of lukewarm water into it.

Pour the water gently, in small amounts.

SYMPTOMS Itching in ear Loss of hearing Child rubs and pulls on ear

Tilt the head to the other side, with the problem ear pointing downward. The object in the ear may be

collected and come out with the water. If this does not produce desired results, take the child to the hospital.
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Mother Support Program Trainer's Manual

FOREIGN OBJECT IN THE NOSE


Children sometimes push small objects like peas and beads into their nose. SYMPTOMS A pungent, bloody discharge from the nose What Should Be Done? If the child can blow their nose, get them to do so keeping one nostril closed at a time. If the object does not come out do not try to remove it, take the child to a hospital immediately.

ELECTRIC SHOCK
A mild electric shock generates a tingling sensation. A severe shock can send children flying across the room and cause loss of consciousness and respiratory and heart failure. Touching an apparatus that has an electricity leak with wet hands is more dangerous than touching it with dry hands. DO NOT DELAY! If the child loses consciousness, even if temporary If the child has electric shock related burns Go to the hospital immediately after you provide the necessary first-aid. What Should Be Done? Go to the fuse box and cut off the power to your home. If you are unable to do this, stand on something that is nonconductive, like a plastic mat or a pile of dry newspapers. Separate the cable or the child from the power source again ELECTRIC BURNS In cases of electric shock, burn injuries can develop where the electric current entered and exited the body, and so children may have burns where they touched the power source and where they touched the ground. These injuries can seem small but may run deep. using something that is nonconductive, like a wooden chair or a broomstick. If you cannot find anything to use, wrap your hands in dry towels or newspapers to make them nonconductive, and pull the child away. Hold the child's clothes; try not to touch their skin

3 the body was in contact with the 2 conscious or not (see p. 1).
Check to see if the child is

Check to see if there are burns where electricity source and where it touched the ground. Electric burns are red and look like branding burns, they may swell. If there are burn injuries, provide first aid for large area burns (see p. 6).

If they are conscious, talk with them and soothe them. Check to see if any shock symptoms are present (see p. 5).
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BITES AND INSECT STINGS


The thorns of certain plants and some insect stings can be painful and cause non-threatening injuries to the child. Nevertheless, these injuries may lead to allergic reactions in some people and require medical attention. DO NOT DELAY! If your child has difficulty breathing If they break out in a rash all over If they feel dizzy and faint If they exhibit symptoms of shock, if the insect stung the child inside their mouth provide firstaid, then immediately go to a hospital.

SYMPTOMS Sharp pain Redness Slight swelling Itchiness What Should Be Done? If it is a bee sting, check to see if the stinger is still in the skin. Try to take it out with the tip of knife, the tips of your nails, or a pair of tweezers without bursting the small poison sack. Apply ice or a cloth soaked swelling. If the stung area quickly swells and becomes itchy, apply a calamine lotion with a piece of cotton wool. It will also help to apply an antihistamine ointment to the area around the bee sting.

2 in cold water to where the


child was stung. If the child was stung in the mouth or on the lips, get the child to drink something cold; If the child is over 2 years old give them a piece of ice to suck. This will reduce the

SNAKEBITES, SPIDER BITES AND BEE STINGS


Snakebites, spider bites and scorpion bites are dangerous for young children. Although there is the risk of tetanus with snakebites, you can prevent this threat by making sure your children get tetanus shots. In Turkey, snakebites and scorpion bites are common especially in regions with a warm climate. SYMPTOMS Symptoms differ according to the species and type of the animal. Some symptoms may appear a few hours after the actual incident occurred. Severe pain One or two bite marks Nausea, vomiting Swelling Difficulty in breathing Shock Febrile convulsion Dizziness Loss of consciousness DO NOT DELAY! If your child is bitten by a snake, spider, or scorpion, provide the necessary first aid, then immediately go to a hospital. What Should Be Done? Calm the child and help them sit down. Keep the bitten area beneath heart level and keep it immobilized. Wash the bitten area well. Do not try to suck out the venom. Check to see if the child goes into shock, if Keep the bitten area necessary, provide firstbeneath heart level. aid. If the bite or the sting is on the leg, do not raise their feet. If the child faints, monitor their respiration.

1 2 3

4 5

If they are breathing, lay them down in the recovery position. Try to figure out the type of animal that bit the child. If you can catch it, take it to show to the doctor.

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JELLYFISH STINGS
Although poisonous jellyfish are not commonly found in Turkey, a poisonous type called the "Portuguese Man-of-War" is seen not only in Portugal, but along coastal Europe. The animal swims in the sea like a light blue, transparent bag and its sting requires medical treatment. DO NOT DELAY! If you suspect this is the animal that stung your child, apply first aid then go to the hospital immediately. BELRTLER A burning ache Redness Difficulty in breathing Fainting What Should Be Done? Clean away any tentacles left on the child's skin by the jellyfish with a handful of sand. Try to avoid touching the tentacles. Lay the child down in the recovery position (see p. 2) and cover them with something dry.

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THORNS AND SPLINTERS


Children will often get thorns and splinters stuck in their hands and feet. The ones in their feet may not hurt, but splinters and thorns stuck in their hands can be painful. What Should Be Done? If the end of the splinter is visible, scorch the ends of a pair of tweezers to kill of germs and slowly pull the splinter out. Wash the area with soap and water. If the end of the splinter is not visible but the splinter can be seen under the skin, it means it has not gone in too deep. Scorch the prickly end of a needle to kill any germs, and cool it. Without touching its tip, use the needle to lightly scratch the skin where the splinter begins.

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Grasp the splinter's end

With the needle, pry out the end of the splinter, then pull it out with a pair of tweezers; wash the wound well with soap and water. If the splinter or the thorn is lodged too deep in the skin, and the child expe-

DO NOT DELAY! If the area surrounding the splinter becomes red, swells and begins to ache within 48 hours, If you are unable to take out a large and painful splinter by yourself, If the object stuck is a piece of glass or metal, Contact your doctor as soon as possible riences no discomfort, the best thing to do is to let it be. The body will discard it at one point.

BLISTERS
Skin that has been damaged due to burns or friction will later blister. Blisters protect the new skin that is being created underneath. It will burst and fall of in a few days. What Should Be Done? Do not pop or prick a blister. Try to make sure clothing does not rub against it. If the blister bursts, do not cover it up. However,
Put a band-aid on the blister so it will not rub against the shoe.

if

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there is a chance that shoes or clothing may rub against it, place a band-aid on it.

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HEALTH AND HEALTHCARE

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Inform mothers about the causes of good and bad health in children, Inform mothers about how diseases spread and the precautions they can take to prevent them from spreading, Inform mothers about childrens dental health, and eye and ear care, Inform mothers about childhood diseases and the necessary immunizations. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: IMMUNIZATION SCHEDULE HANDOUT 2: CHILDHOOD DISEASES HANDOUT 3: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: Thermometer A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Health and Healthcare

HEALTH AND HEALTHCARE


Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.)

Our topic this week is health and healthcare. Today we will discuss how children may get infected with certain illnesses and the precautions we can take at home and in our environment to prevent them from becoming ill. We will also talk about the importance of dental health and eye and ear care. We will conclude our discussion by going over childhood diseases, and the necessary immunizations. What do you think childrens health is dependent on? (Listen to the answers.) A peaceful home environment, Good care and hygiene, A well-balanced diet, Dressing appropriate for the weather, Sufficient sleep, Fresh air and plenty of sun, The necessary immunizations, Regular check-ups, before children become ill. What cause children to be unhealthy and fall ill frequently? (Listen to the answers.) A stressful home environment, Not dressing appropriate for the weather, Lack of personal bodily hygiene, Malnutrition, Not having the necessary immunizations done. How do children catch an illness?? Where do children catch germs? (Listen to the answers.) From people that are ill, Through foods and liquids, From living in an unhealthy environment (in the presence of garbage, excrement, and stray animals). (Write the underlined sections on the board.) Now I would like you to split into 3 groups and discuss the issues I am going to hand out. (Give each group a discussion topic; in writing if they are literate, verbally if they
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Health and Healthcare

are not. Allow them 10 minutes for discussion. Ask them all to select a group reporter and share their discussion with the large group afterwards. Summarize their responses in accordance with the information presented below and add anything that is missing.) Group 1: How might children catch germs from people who are ill? What can we do to prevent children from catching germs from ill people? Group 2: How might children catch germs through foods and liquids? What can we do to prevent children from catching germs from foods and liquids? Group 3: How does an unhealthy environment (garbage, excrement, stray animals) lead to children falling ill? What can we do to prevent such unhealthy conditions in our living environment? HOW DO ILLNESSES SPREAD?

From people that are ill How might children catch germs from people who are ill? When ill people cough, sneeze, or even just breathe, they spread germs around them. As a result, the room and items used by the sick person carry the germs that made them ill in the first place. These germs can easily transfer to other people and make them fall ill as well. Illnesses spread more easily in enclosed spaces, such as vehicles of mass transportation, or in classrooms. How can we prevent children from catching germs from ill people? Get children to wash their hands often, soaping them for 15-20 seconds and rinse them under running water. As much as possible, keep children away from people that are ill. Do not allow children to go into the rooms of people that are ill. Prevent children from using items such as towels, handkerchiefs, plates, and cutlery that belong to ill people. We all carry germs, although they may not make us sick. We should not kiss our children needlessly, nor allow other people to do so. Via Foods and Liquids How might children catch germs through foods and liquids? From eating fruit and vegetables that have not been properly washed, When stagnant waters or rivers that appear clean and clear, but are contaminated, are used, typhoid fever, typhus fever, dysentery and gastric infections occur, Fresh milk that has not been boiled well can cause disease, Eating from the same plate as others or drinking water from the same glass can also spread illness,
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Health and Healthcare

The meat of sickly animals, or stale meat contains many different germs and can lead to disease, Various germs are also spread if mice and other rodents take to stealing food or insects such as cockroaches and flies are allowed contact with food, Foods prepared in unsanitary conditions and sold to the public can both cause myriad illnesses and lead to instances of dangerous food poisoning. How can we prevent children from catching germs from foods and liquids? Although foods may look clean, they must be washed thoroughly and the reasons for why children should not eat unwashed fruit and vegetables must be explained to them. If you think the water you use is unsanitary, you should wash fruit and vegetables with a solution that can be made at home. To prepare the solution, mix 5 or 6 drops of bleach per liter of water. You can then put 1 or 2 drops of this solution in the water you use to wash fruit and vegetables. Vegetables, especially greens can be kept in water with vinegar, then washed. Water and milk should be boiled as necessary, before they are consumed. As we said earlier, we carry many different germs even though we may not be ill. If children eat from a plate someone else, who looks healthy, used, they may catch germs and fall ill. We should therefore avoid eating from the dish or drinking from the glass someone else used. We need to make sure all family members use separate plates, glasses, and cutlery, and warn children why this is necessary. We should set an example for our children and follow our own advice. We should be aware of how long foods keep, and always check the expiration date of foods. We need to be extra careful when storing food. Foods need to be stored such that no insects can reach them. Children may sometimes ask that you buy foods sold on the street; you need to explain to them why this is not desired, you can also make similar foods at home and try to prevent them from buying foods sold on the street. Point out that the hands of street vendors are very dirty to try and prevent children from asking you to buy food from them. Unsanitary Environmental Conditions (Garbage, excrement, and stray animals) How can unsanitary environmental conditions cause children to fall ill? Children catch germs often because sewage, excrement and garbage often accumulate in the open or in shallow pits under the soil, close to where children play. Germs found in such places collect under childrens nails, and their hands and feet. Germs then enter the body when children put their hand into their mouth, and they fall ill. Germs, parasites and intestinal worms children collect when they walk barefoot can also lead to illness. Stray animals also constitute a cause of unsanitary conditions. There may be stray animals in places where children play. As you all know, in Turkey from time to time we experience an increase in cases of rabies. The primary carriers of rabies, in Turkey, are dogs. Rabies can be transmitted if scratched or bitten by an animal with rabies.

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What can we do to prevent unhealthy conditions in our living environment? Keep garbage in garbage bags that are securely tied. Leave them out to be collected by garbage trucks on the appropriate days. Cleaning the toilet bowl is important, and it should be disinfected at regular intervals. Help children acquire a habit of washing their hands after they have used the toilet. Make sure that the places where children play are not unhealthy or unhygienic. If the places where children play threaten their health, speak with people in your neighborhood, raise awareness on the issue and contribute to the cleanliness of your environment. For example, if a stream in your neighborhood is being polluted by nearby factories or sewage, you could speak with your local municipality about the hazards they pose and ask for their help to prevent it from happening. As long as conditions do not improve, take your children to playgrounds so that they can play out in fresh air. After children have been playing outside and come home, go to the bathroom with them and make sure they wash their hands, face, and feet. Point to the dirt that comes off as they wash to explain what germs are and how they can make people ill. Point out the dirt that is coming off and say, See, these are germs. If you hadnt washed your hands, these germs would have stayed on your hands and when you brought your hand to your mouth, your eyes, or your ears, they would have entered your body and made you sick. Now that you have washed them away, they wont be able to make you sick, as a means of teaching children about how to recognize germs, which are invisible to the naked eye. This will ensure that children know what germs are, and also understand why they need to wash their hands as soon as they come home after they have been playing outside. Set an example for your children by washing your hands, face and feet when you return home after having been out. Also trim your childrens fingernails as necessary to prevent germs from settling underneath them. Without frightening them, tell children not to get too close to or try to pet animals they do not know. Explain to them that if they are bitten or scratched by an animal they could fall ill, and that if this happens to come and tell you immediately. If you see strays around, notify the municipality so that the authorities can impound them. HEALTHY TEETH, EYES AND EARS To ensure children are healthy, we need to pay attention to the health of their teeth, eyes and ears. Dental Health Childrens nutrition intake from birth to 6 years of age is crucially important for teeth formation. From the onset of pregnancy, mothers should eat a well-balanced diet, including plenty of calcium, meaning milk and yogurt. All of childrens primary (baby) teeth come in by the time they are 3 years old. The baby teeth should not be neglected just because they are temporary. Tooth decay in primary teeth can cause the permanent teeth that come in later to decay as well. Primary teeth are replaced by permanent teeth between 5 and 7 years of age.

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How can we promote dental health in our children? (Listen to the answers.) From the age of 3 onwards, pay attention to the dental health of your children. Take children to a dentist regularly for a check-up. Make sure children brush their teeth in the morning and after they have eaten. Prevent them from breaking or tearing hard objects with their teeth. As soon as you see a stain on their teeth, take them to a dentist; do not wait for a toothache to develop. Remind children that eating candy is bad for dental health. Teeth should be brushed after eating candy or chocolate. Set an example to your children regarding dental care by brushing your own teeth regularly. How can we help children acquire the habit of brushing their teeth? (Listen to the answers.) Brush your teeth together with your children regularly so that this behavior becomes habitual for them. Buy children a colorful, interesting toothbrush or scented toothpaste to make the act of brushing teeth more desirable. Visual Health How do we know there is a problem with our childrens vision? (Listen to the answers.) Children should be taken to an eye specialist if, They squint when they are watching TV or reading a book, Their eyes often burn and become bloodshot, They often get headaches, Their eyes frequently water or you observe bleeding. Sometimes childrens lack of scholastic success can be due to bad eyesight. In such cases, it may help some children to start wearing glasses. How can we help our childrens visual health? (Listen to the answers.) Make sure children have sufficient light (either from in front of them or from their left) while they are studying and reading, Ensure they do not hold books too closely to their face, Make sure they do not sit too close to the TV set when watching something, Consult an eye specialist for a check-up of their visual health and eyesight. Ear Health Children learn about a significant portion of their environment by hearing and listening. Children learn correct pronunciation and how to speak correctly based on how well they hear. Consequently, it is highly important that we pay attention to childrens hearing and ear health from an early age onwards. Children may not be able to respond to auditory stimuli because they cannot hear well, and in turn this can be seen as a cognitive problem. But the real problem can be a hearing deficiency. For example, in a previous implementation of the Mother Child Education Program, one mother had complained about how her child had no interest in the world around them, and thought her child had a cognitive problem. In light of what she learned in this program, she took her child to a doctor. The childs lack of interest in his surroundings was understood to result from a hearing deficiency, and treated.

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How can we help our childrens hearing and ear health? (Listen to the answers.) We must be on the lookout for ear infections that occur as a result of anginas and colds common at this age. We need to protect children from excessively loud noises and make sure they do not put things in their ears. Cigarette smoke is also one of the factors that cause ear problems in children. Consequently, cigarettes should not be smoked in enclosed places. Consult an ear specialist for a check-up of their hearing and ear health. ILLNESSES AND CARING FOR SICK CHILDREN No matter how careful we are, children will still fall ill. These illnesses are sometimes mild, and sometimes they are serious and long-lasting. If we watch out for symptoms of certain illnesses, we will be able to recognize serious illnesses early and thus help our children recover from them faster. What are some of the first symptoms that signal to us that children are getting sick? (Listen to the answers.) Face looks flushed, hot, or dry, or pale, Unexpected, copious sweating and fever, Drowsiness or staying asleep when usually they are awake and active, Eyes look watery and bloodshot, A runny nose, sneezing and coughing, Complaints of a sore throat, voice is husky or hoarse or wheezy, swollen or flushed throat, Nausea, vomiting or diarrhea, Stiffness in neck or back, Earaches, headaches, chest aches, stomach aches or painful joints, Rashes, inflamed skin, skin blisters, spots, Febrile convulsions, seizures, contractions, Extreme agitation. What needs to be done when these symptoms occur? (Listen to the answers.) As soon as you notice the symptoms, children should be made to lie down somewhere calm and quiet because most illnesses are most contagious during the time symptoms first appear. Cover them with a blanket and check their fever. Children lose their appetite when they are ill. Do not force them to eat. Before giving them medication, give them liquids such as warm milk, yogurt drink, soup or fruit juice. Take them to a doctor as soon as you notice the symptoms. Fever How do we take our childrens temperature? What are the things we should pay attention to? (Listen to the answers. You can bring a mercury thermometer to class to show as an example.) A fever can be measured with a thermometer, orally, under the arm, or rectally. Using a thermometer orally is difficult in children under the age of 4 or 5. In infants, rectal measurement of fever is easier. However, when telling the doctor about the measurement, we need to tell them how we obtained the measurement.
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Health and Healthcare

Keep the thermometer in place for 3 to 5 minutes when taking a temperature. The best times to take a temperature are early morning and late evening. If your children appear ill, take their temperature often and take them to the doctor. If they are listless over the course of a few days, take their temperature at the same time every day. Before taking their temperature, keep your children calm for about a half hour, and if you plan to measure the temperature orally, do not give them foods or liquids that are too hot or too cold. Stay with your children as you take their temperature and make sure they are still during this time. After reading the thermometer, wash it with warm water and soap, then clean it with alcohol and store it in its container. What needs to be done if children have a fever? (Listen to the answers.) If children have a fever, do not cover them with too many layers and keep them away from the stove/radiators/fire. If the room is very hot, open the window a little and lower the temperature of the room. Covering them too much or keeping them in a room that is too warm will cause childrens fever to increase. Give them water or other liquids; if they do not want to drink do not force them, but try to get them to drink some water later. Liquids are the best way keeping the body hydrated; replacing what was through by sweating. We can also place a wet cloth on childrens forehead, and their arm and leg joints. However, to avoid startling them, first use a warm cloth and slowly cool the water you use to rinse it. To get results, you will need to continue this procedure for at least 30 minutes. Do not give children aspirin to break their fever. It could be harmful. If, after all these procedures, the fever has not broken, it would be best to take your children to a doctor as soon as possible. This will ensure that treatment begins before the illness progresses too much. Febrile convulsions Febrile convulsions can often accompany high fevers in children. In febrile convulsions [convulsions with fever] usually both arms and legs first simultaneously become stiff for 1 minute, then they jerk in rhythmic convulsions for 10 to 15 minutes. It will then come to an end, by itself. What should we do if our children have febrile convulsions? (Listen to the answers.) Childrens fever may climb to 39oC very quickly. Therefore, closely monitor the child and try to lower the fever as soon as possible. If the fever is very high, remain calm, undress the child, then either put them in a tepid-to-cold bath or wrap them up in a wet sheet, then take them to a doctor. Children who have had a febrile convulsion must be taken to a doctor. (For example, in Istanbul, you can take them to the Developmental Neurology Department of the Capa School of Medicine.) If febrile convulsions are part of your family history, there is a higher likelihood that your children may have one. If this is the case, more effort must be spent to reduce the fever.

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Health and Healthcare

Diarrhea As you all know, children in good health will store the beneficial nutrients in the food they intake, however, children that have diarrhea expel all such nutrients via their bowel movements. The body loses body fluids and salt. Diarrhea is the leading childrens disease that leads to infant mortality in Turkey. Each year, more than 20,000 infants die in Turkey; every 4th child dies of diarrhea. If children have 4 or more watery bowel movements a day, it means they have diarrhea. What can you do to protect children from diarrhea? (Listen to the answers, add anything that is missing.) Diarrhea is caused by germs in the childs environment. Eating with dirty hands; having flies flying around and keeping garbage out in the open; drinking and using unsanitary water; eating fruit and vegetables without washing them first can cause germs to enter childrens bodies and cause diarrhea. Knowing what these causes are means we can take many different precautions. It is important to wash childrens/babies hands, with soap, before they eat and after they use the toilet. Mothers should also pay attention to their personal hygiene. The number one rule in mothers personal hygiene is to wash their hands/nails with soapy water before they feed their children and after they change their childrens diapers. If your drinking water is not chlorinated, you should boil it before drinking it. Fruit and vegetables should be washed with plenty of clean water. At home, to protect foods from flies, keep them in screen door cupboards or the refrigerator. Garbage should be kept in covered garbage bins or containers. Toilet bowls should be kept covered and bathrooms should have running water. These precautions will be effective in preventing children from getting diarrhea. If, despite all these precautions, your children have diarrhea, germs that have entered the body will cause dehydration and sodium loss.

If children have diarrhea, or they are vomiting, what should we do? (Listen to the answers.) Bodily fluids will be lost, so give them plenty of liquids. For example, give them a lot of water, yogurt drink or lightly-steeped tea; if necessary, oral re-hydrating solutions. Glucose-electrolyte solutions can be obtained free-of-charge from a health clinic near you. If they are able to keep it down, give them small amounts of rice, potatoes, toast, peaches, bananas, yogurt, or unbuttered pasta. If the child is being breastfed, this should be continued. If the child is drinking cows milk, dilute it half-and-half with water. In cases of diarrhea, the younger the child, the faster the child becomes dehydrated, and this is extremely dangerous. If you observe a reduction in the amount of urine, dryness in the mouth and eyes, violent vomiting, blood and mucus or pus in the diarrhea together with a very bad smell, or if the child becomes drowsy, immediately go to a healthcare center and consult a physician. Unless prescribed by a physician, never use medication based on advice from friends and neighbors.

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Health and Healthcare

CHILDHOOD DISEASES If we know the symptoms of childhood diseases and what we need to pay attention to, we can protect our children from them or help them recover as comfortably as possible. (Distribute Handout 2 and go over it briefly by reading its headings to the mothers. Ask them to read it carefully at home.) If you suspect that your children have any one of the childhood diseases, you MUST take them to a doctor. This is crucial, for many reasons. When you take your children to get their vaccinations done, you need to state which diseases they have had. In addition, to know which childhood diseases they had as children in their later lives, it is very important to consult a physician and make sure the disease is diagnosed correctly. THE RECOVERY PERIOD Why is the recovery period important? (Listen to the answers.) Childhood diseases require special care even after they have been treated. Since bodily resistance decreases after battling a disease, children may catch another illness very quickly. What should we watch out for and pay attention to during the recovery phase? (Listen to the answers.) Closely monitor children that have just overcome a disease. Take their temperature at specific times in the morning and evening, and watch their activities and moods. During the recovery phase, children should rest and not tire themselves out. To this end, instead of telling them Sit, dont, try to find activities they will work and spend time on, sitting down. For example, tell them stories or read to them. Since children can easily feel a chill and get ill again during this time, monitor the room temperature so that they neither feel cold, nor become sweaty. During this time you also need to pay attention to childrens nutritional needs, since they will have become lost weight and weakened during the course of the disease. To compensate for this, try and get them to eat especially proteins, such as eggs and meat. Children that have just overcome an illness may still have no appetite or have difficulty swallowing. You should therefore prepare these foods as purees or soups, and most importantly, decorate the plate and make the food attractive and appetizing so your children eat it. In conclusion; Try to prevent our children from falling ill by taking the necessary precautions. Closely monitor the symptoms that occur. Intervening at the onset of the disease can help to prevent it from spreading. If your children are ill, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT use any medication without consulting a physician. Always check the expiration dates of all medication. Consult a physician when necessary and do not delay initiating treatment. Do not make your children fear doctors, and prepare them to visit the doctor as if visiting any other acquaintance. Children should be taken to the doctor not only when they are sick, but when they are healthy, for check-ups. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) Immunizations protect children from many dangerous diseases. Issues related to malnutrition, disability and death are observed more among non-immunized
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Health and Healthcare

children than immunized ones. It is therefore important that we make sure all immunizations that are done when children are young and provided by the state (free-of-charge), are done completely and on time. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) Plan and sharing: (Distribute and go over Handout 1.) (Distribute the take home worksheet to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) What are some things you are planning on doing to prevent your children from catching germs and falling ill? What are some things you are thinking of doing for your childrens health? Would you consider sharing what we talked about with your husbands, neighbors and relatives? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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Health and Healthcare

BOARD PLAN
HEALTH AND HEALTHCARE

HOW DO ILLNESSES SPREAD? From people that are ill Via Foods and Liquids Unsanitary Environmental Conditions (Garbage, excrement, and stray animals) ILLNESSES AND CARING FOR SICK CHILDREN Make sure immunizations are done on time. Take them to the doctor regularly.

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At Birth

1st month

2nd month

4th month 6th month 7th month

9th month 12th month 15th month 18th month 4-6 years

11-12 years

Vaccination Date

Hepatitis B Hepatitis B Hepatitis B

Hepatitis B

Hepatitis B*

Tuberculosis BCG DTP DTP

Tuberculosis (BCG) DTP DTP

Diphtheria-Tetanus-

DTP

Pertussis (DTP) Polio Measles HIB HIB MMR HIB MMR MMR* Polio Polio Polio*

Polio

Polio

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Measles

Meningitis

HIB

HANDOUT 1: IMMUNIZATION SCHEDULE

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MMR (Measles,

Mumps, Rubella) Chickenpox Chickenpox*

Chickenpox

* Repeated at this age is physician sees fit.

* Meningitis vaccinations are available but SUBJECT TO CHARGE.

* BCG (TB vaccine) is provided FREE-OF-CHARGE AT CLINICS TO COMBAT TUBERCULOSIS

* DTP, and Polio, Measles, and Hepatitis B vaccines are provided FREE-OF-CHARGE AT MOTHER-CHILD HEALTH CENTERS.

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SYMPTOMS Consult a physician immediately. Can turn into pneumonia if not treated well.

TREATMENT

MEASLES*

- Measles has a long incubation period. Children exhibit a high fever that does not respond to treatment.

- Dry, hacking cough

- Bloodshot eyes

- Children get increasingly ill and suddenly breakout in a rash. The rash begins behind the ears and on the back of the neck. It spreads down the back and later moves onto the arms and legs.

RUBELLA* -

- Children can be listless for a day or two.

Consult a physician immediately.

- A mild fever begins, around 38oC.

- Their knees may ache, the lymph nodes will swell.

- The rash begins behind the ears and on the back of the neck, like measles.

HANDOUT 2: CHILDHOOD DISEASES

- It is important to consult a physician for an accurate diagnosis. If a child with rubella passes the illness to a pregnant woman, the baby may be born physical defects or mental retardation. Consult a physician, because this illness can have detrimental effects on the unborn babies of pregnant women.

Health and Healthcare

FIFTH DISEASE

- This is a mild illness. - Begins with a low fever.

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- The rash breaks out on the face and looks as if the child has been slapped in the face. -

CHICKENPOX* - This is a highly contagious disease. It can pass even from the personal items of al ill person.

- Fever, headaches and vomiting may be observed.

- The rash breaks out hair-covered areas, in form of itchy blisters. A vaccine has been developed for the disease in recent years.

Some allergies resemble the rash caused by chickenpox. If chickenpox is suspected, consult a physician immediately since this disease can also harm the unborn babies of pregnant women. - Fever medication can be given to reduce the fever. - To prevent scarring, children must not be allowed to scratch and pop these blisters. Trimming their nails short and making them wear gloves to bed may prevent children from scratching and popping the blisters. A warm bath may provide relief. Antihistamines taken orally can help reduce the itching.

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SYMPTOMS Because it can lead to various complications, a doctor must be consulted. - Children will experience difficulty and pain when swallowing, so give them bland foods and a liquid diet. - Although rare, men who contract this disease after adolescence may become sterile. -

TREATMENT

MUMPS*

- The disease begins with a fever, headache, earache and listlessness.

- Next, either one or both of the cheeks becomes swollen.

SCARLET FEVER

- Onset is sudden. A high fever, headache, throat ache, listlessness, and difficulty in swallowing are observed.

- A day or two after these symptoms, a rash breaks. The rash is in the shape of tiny red bumps, it begins in the face and spreads to the whole body. It gives the body a bumpy feel and turns white when you press on it.

Treated with antibiotics. If it is not treated early, it can lead to middle ear infections, sinusitis, or pneumonia. It can also cause heart rheumatism, or have a damaging effect on kidneys and joints in the body. - NOTE: Scarlet fever is a carried disease, meaning a person may get the bacteria from a person with scarlet fever, and not contract the disease but spread it to others nevertheless. Therefore, people in the household of the ill person must also receive treatment. -

Health and Healthcare

WHOOPING COUGH*

- Coughing spells come in intervals. During the coughing spells, children cough non-stop for a while, and end up vomiting and sounding like a crowing rooster.

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- This disease is very tiring, very trying for children. Make sure your children get their whooping cough vaccination on time.

If whooping cough is suspected, consult a physician and begin treatment immediately. - Using the medication prescribed by the doctor accurately and fully, following the suggested treatment methods and getting the child to follow the diet the doctor recommends will ensure the disease runs its course as smoothly as possible and prevent future problems from arising.

* Vaccine-preventable diseases

IMPORTANT NOTE If you suspect your child has contracted a childhood disease, you MUST take them to a doctor. There are many different reasons to do so. It may be unnecessary for the child to be vaccinated against a disease s/he has already had. We must disclose which diseases, if any, our children had when we take them for their immunizations. In addition, for a person to know in later life (especially during pregnancy) which childhood diseases they had is very important, so a doctor's diagnosis is necessary.

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SYMPTOMS -

TREATMENT If you observe that your child has been coughing for quite some time, consult a physician to find what is causing the cough, and use the medication prescribed.

UPPER RESPIRATORY TRACT INFECTIONS

- The onset of bronchitis is never sudden. - The child first gets a common cold, a sore throat, and then the illness moves down to the lungs. So if the illness is caught early and a doctor is consulted, it can be stopped before it progresses. - These illnesses are more common in the winter because during this time, our bodies are less able to resist illness, and due to the cold, we all crowd in and live in smaller, enclosed spaces. Smoking and air pollution in these confined places cause children to contract upper respiratory tract infections more easily. - If too many people kiss your children too frequently, your children will end up getting the germs and viruses that cause these illnesses.

-When children begin to cough, many people try to stop the coughing with a cough syrup. However, there has to be a reason for the cough, and while cough syrup is of no use when used alone, it also results in loss of time and causes the illness to progress. Health and Healthcare

MIDDLE EAR INFECTIONS

- This is an illness pediatricians diagnose the most. Like the common cold, it occurs in the aftermath of upper respiratory tract infections.

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- In infants, restlessness and tugging at the ear are indicatory, while older children will complain of an earache. In nursing infants, a fever is the most common indicator. Therefore, any incidence of a unexplained high fever should bring to mind the possibility of a middle ear infection.

Treatment with antibiotics is common, and the illness clears up in a few days. People who experience recurrent middle ear infections may experience hearing loss and speech disabilities. Some people worry, If I wash my child I'll get water in their ear and they'll get a middle ear infection. This is extremely needless, because water will not get into a healthy ear. Water that gets in the ear during a bath can be wiped dry with fine muslin. The water will clean the inside of the outer ear, then flow out. One way to protect children from middle ear infections is to make sure their ears are covered in very cold weather. Keeping the child's nose clear during a cold will prevent the illness from reaching the ear. Also, do not feed children while they are lying down.

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SYMPTOMS -

TREATMENT This is an important illness and consulting a physician is a must. Taking the medication prescribed by the doctor usually causes the illness to clear up within a week.

CONJUNCTIVITIS - Generally caused by bacteria, less frequently by viruses. (Bloodshot, itchy, - Eyes are red and watery, causes a prickly sensation, sometimes light sensitivity, and swollen eyelids. watery eye)

- Some types of the illness produce a discharge, which may cause the eyelids to stick together in the morning.

- Can be passed from direct contact with the person that is ill, or by touching something that person has used.

WANDERING EYE - This is normal during the first two months after birth. - Since infants are born with eye muscles that have not yet fully developed, wandering eyes are normal. -

- This condition can sometimes last until the infant is six months old. However, if this is the case, monitor the child closely. -

If an infant over six months old has wandering eyes, consult a doctor immediately. - Before the infant is 6 months old, if the eye always wanders in the same direction, consult a doctor. - It is very important that cases of wandering eye are noticed and treated early. The child must be taken to a doctor for analysis and if necessary, an x-ray. - The infection will be treated with antibiotics. - Also important is to make sure children develop good hygiene habits after using the toilet; especially teach girls to remember to wipe themselves clean from front to rear. - Making sure their feet are warm and giving them a liquid diet will increase the amount of urine and help in the treatment of the illness.

Health and Healthcare

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

URINARY TRACT - Observed especially among girls. Frequent urination in small amounts, INFECTIONS a burning sensation and a fever are all indicatory.

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SYMPTOMS -

TREATMENT

THE CHILD EATS - There may be several reasons for this. WELL BUT IS NOT - They could be burning more than they consume. (This may be the case GAINING WEIGHT for highly active children.)

- Their bodies may be wired that way, or they could have worms of parasites.

- It could be indicative of some other illness.

- The symptoms for worms and parasites include an itchy nose, saliva in the mouth, bad breath, teeth-grinding, stomachache, anal itching and diarrhea.

The best thing to do is to consult a physician and use the medication prescribed. - Worms and parasites are highly contagious. Parents must also take precautions to prevent the illness from spreading to others or back to the child again. - Children with this illness feel the need to scratch their anus especially at night. Making them wear a one-piece pajama will prevent children from touching their anus and for the eggs of the worms to settle in under their nails. Trimming the child's nails short and scrubbing their hands and nails with a nailbrush first thing in the morning will also help; if children that have scratched themselves put their hands into their mouth or nose, they will be re-infected. - Frequently changing (gather the sheets, do not shake them clean) and washing the bed sheets (singly, not together with other items) will also help in preventing the worms or parasites from spreading to others.

Health and Healthcare

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

THE CHILD HAS NO APPETITE

- There may be many reasons why children may not be eating. - There may be physical or psychological reasons for it.

- Children may refuse to eat for many different reasons, including wanting to upset the mother, stubbornness, feeling jealous of a sibling, or because they don't like the taste of the food.

- There may also be a physical condition that makes children lose their appetite. A doctor must be consulted to find out what it is, and the prescribed treatment should be applied.

Some pharmacists and doctors prescribe anti-allergy medication when mothers ask them for something that will boost their children's appetite. One of the side effects of anti-allergy medication is that it boosts the appetite. Children that take such medication may indeed eat more. However, using anti-allergy medication and the side effects of the medication can have quite a damaging effect on them. These medications should not be used. They cause drowsiness and irritability. They may harm the learning process.

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PROBLEM BEHAVIORS

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Inform mothers about what can be done when their children lie, Inform mothers about what can be done when their children exhibit aggressive behavior, Inform mothers about what can be done when their children take things that do not belong to them without permission, If their children experience a fear of school, inform mothers what can be done about it, If their children suck on their thumb or bite their nail, inform mothers what can be done about it.

HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: IF CHILDREN LIE HANDOUT 2: IF CHILDREN ACT AGGRESSIVELY HANDOUT 3: IF CHILDREN TAKE OTHER PEOPLES BELONGINGS WITHOUT PERMISSION HANDOUT 4: IF CHILDREN ARE AFRAID OF SCHOOL HANDOUT 5: IF CHILDREN DO NOT WANT TO GO TO BED ON TIME HANDOUT 6: IF CHILDREN SUCK THEIR THUMB AND/OR BITE THEIR FINGERNAILS HANDOUT 7: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble
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Problem Behaviors

PROBLEM BEHAVIORS
Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheets the mothers filled out.) In our meetings up until now, you tried to solve your childrens problem behaviors by using positive discipline methods. This week we will discuss and try to find solutions for problem behaviors common to children of this age, namely lying, taking other peoples things without permission, fear of school, refusing to go to bed on time, thumb-sucking and nail-biting. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) IF THE CHILD LIES I will now tell you a story. Please listen carefully. Case Study: There was a 7-year-old boy called Ahmet. One day, Ahmets mother gave him some money and asked him to buy some cheese, bread, and yogurt from the store. But Ahmet came home only with the cheese. His mother got very angry when she saw he had not bought the other items. She started to yell at him and said, You always do this, you're so scatterbrained, cant do anything right. Ahmet was not able to say, I lost the money on the way, thats why I couldnt get them, instead he said, I forgot. And his mother gave him a sound beating. Some time went by. One day his mother was home doing the housework when the doorbell rang. She looked out the window, saw that it was their neighbor dropping by for a visit. She called for Ahmet right away. She told him to answer the door and tell their neighbor that she is not home. What do you think happened in this story? (Listen to the mothers responses.) Ahmet lied to his mother. Why do you think he lied? (Listen to the mothers responses.) He lied because he was afraid. How did his mother react? (Listen to the mothers responses.) She yelled at him, beat him. At a later time, she even lied herself and set a bad example for her son. As was the case in this example, children can sometimes lie due to a variety of reasons. This can make us feel upset or angry. (Ask the mothers to split up into 3 groups. If the number of mothers present this week is not enough to split into 3 groups, you can split them into 2. Give a question sheet to each group.)

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Problem Behaviors

Question 1: Recall an incident where your child lied to you. Why do you think they lied? What can you do so that your children do not lie? (After the time allotted for the small group exercise has passed, ask the question below.) So, why do children lie? (Add anything that is missing.) Until the age of 5, children generally cannot differentiate between the imaginary and the real; they make up stories. This leads to parents thinking that their child is lying. For example, children think cartoon characters exist in real life; they may tell a story about an incident that has not happened as if it did happen. Children begin to differentiate between what is imaginary and what is real from the age of 6 or 7 onwards. So, if children this age are not telling the truth, they are aware that they are not. Children may lie due to being afraid that their parents will get angry and yell at them or punish them. For example, here is an incident one of the mothers in another group experienced. One day she was upset with her son Mehmet because he was not studying for an exam he had the next day. The following day, Mehmet received a failing grade on his exam, but he was afraid that his mother would get angry or punish him, so he lied and said, I got full marks on my exam. His mother was both upset and surprised; Why did my son lie to me? she wondered. Later she realized that one reason her son lied to her was due to the fact that she yelled at and got angry with him. Sometimes parents put their children in a position to lie. For example, another mother from one of the groups said that while she was watching TV in the living room, her son Ali was taking a bottle of milk from the fridge when he dropped and broke it. She went to the kitchen in a fury and angrily asked, Did you drop the milk bottle? Poor Ali was frightened, he said, No, it wasnt me. Ali was scared; he tried to save himself by saying It wasnt me. However, in the process, he lied. Children may learn to lie if they see their parents lie. Let me give you an example. One day, a husband and wife were at the dinner table talking; their child was at the table with them and witnessed the whole conversation. The husband told his wife, Tell Leyla we wont be able to make it tomorrow night. I really dont feel like seeing them these days. Youll find a suitable excuse? Say Ahmet cant get out of work. His wife called their friends and said they will not be able to make it because her husband cannot get out of work early. What will a child who witnessed this conversation think? (Get the answer from the mothers.) Lying is normal. I can lie whenever I want to. Even my parents do. What can be done so that children do not lie? What did you come up with in your discussions? (Add anything that is missing.) Preschool aged children cannot differentiate between the imaginary and the real. By asking children this age questions such as Can people really fly? or Do animals talk in real life? while they are watching cartoons, we can help them distinguish between reality and fiction. We can help preschool aged children differentiate between what is imaginary and what is real. Do not punish children for their mistaken behavior. Children that are afraid of being punished will lie. Explain to children why their behavior was wrong and what its consequences are. For example, if your children are not doing their homework, you might explain to them that homework is their responsibility and if
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Problem Behaviors

they do not do it, they might get failing grades and feel sad about it. Do not put your children in a position to lie. For example, if you saw that your glasses were on the table, broken, and angrily asked your child, Did you break them? your child might lie and say I didnt do it, in defense. Instead of cornering the child with questions, state what you guess took place. I guess you didnt see my glasses and sat on them, so they broke. This way, because the child is not being accused of anything, they will not get defensive and say I didnt do it; they will not lie. Set an example for the child. If, for example, the father is home but when the phone rings he tells his child to say he is not home, the child will not feel uncomfortable about lying when faced with a difficult situation, thinking my father lies, too. Let me tell you a true story. One of the mothers that participated in this program took her two children, aged 6 and 8, to the museum. At the entrance, there was a sign: Entrance is free for children that have not yet started school. So she handed over the money for two tickets. Another woman waiting in line rushed up to her and said, Why didnt you say the other one doesnt go to school either, you would have paid less, and nobody would have known, theyre the same height. The mother answered, The kids know how old they are; so they would have known. Had she had been influenced by the other woman and lied; she would have set a bad example for her children, who would have learned that lying is acceptable behavior. But in this case, the mother set a good example and did not lie about the age of her children. Acknowledge your childrens actions when they tell the truth. When children do something wrong but come and tell you, state that you are very happy that they told you the truth, but also explain to them the outcomes of their behavior. For example, what might you say to a child who keeps on hiding her brothers glasses but says she did not? (Listen to the answers.) When the child tells her mother she hid her brothers glasses, the mother might say she is very happy that she told her the truth and that she can now trust her because of that. At another time, when the child hides her brothers glasses the mother might say her brother cannot read without them and that his eyes hurt, explaining the outcomes of her behavior. Children must know that they are loved as human beings. They must not think that they will no longer be loved because of their faulty behavior (lying). IF THE CHILD BEHAVES AGGRESSIVELY

Case Study: There were two sisters, Aye and kriye. Aye was 3 and kriye was 7. The two sisters were playing with their dolls in their room, when Aye suddenly grabbed kriyes doll and broke into a run. The sisters started running around the house. kriye caught up with Aye and angrily pinched her. Aye started yelling and screaming. Their mother was hanging up the laundry; she heard them and came over. She said to Aye, Now you pinch kriye so she understands how much it hurts. What happened in this story? The two sisters got into a fight. kriye, the 7-yearsold, pinched her sister. What did their mother do? She asked Aye to pinch her sister back. What would you have done? (Listen to the answers.)

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Well, as was the case in this story, children can sometimes exhibit aggressive behavior such as fighting, hitting, biting, spitting and swearing. Let us split up into small groups again. Here is the question I would like you to discuss. Question 2: Recall an incident where your child got into a fight. Why do you think they got into a fight? What did you do to prevent the fight? What are some things you could do to distance your children from aggressive behavior (such as hitting, biting, swearing or spitting at someone else)? (Listen to the answers.) (To find out their thoughts on the subject, repeat the question once the discussion is over.) Why do you think your children engage in aggressive behavior? (Add anything that is missing.) Children can be aggressive when they are jealous or disappointed. For example, if their father gives the toy they wanted not to them but to their sibling, they may feel both disappointed, and jealous. Because they do not know how to verbally express emotions like disappointment and jealousy, they may hit their sibling, push, bite, or swear at them instead. Sometimes children carry over the disappointments they experienced at an earlier time to the present circumstances. For example, if your children were told off by their teacher that day, they may show their sadness by picking a fight with their sibling when they get home. Some children do not know how to act, and because they do not know how to resolve their problems without fighting or shouting, they may resort to aggression. Some children may use fighting and arguing as a means of getting their way and becoming a leader. For example, children may quarrel and argue with their sibling in order to watch the movie of their choice. Children imitate the actions of the adults in their household. If we exhibit aggressive behavior at home, for instance beat and punish children when they do something wrong or allow them to fight, they will learn that aggressive behavior is acceptable behavior. Children learn this kind of behavior from us, and when they later act this way with their friends we say You are so difficult, Youre always looking for a fight." Similarly, when children watch movies that feature violence, they imitate the war heroes in the film and try out the aggressive behavior they learned from these heroes on their siblings or friends. What can be done so children do not behave aggressively? (Add anything that is missing.) From an early age on, explain to children why they should not do that, and the outcomes of their behavior. For example you might say, It hurts her/him when you hit your sister/brother and s/he starts to cry. Let us say your children start to spit when they get angry, how would you explain the consequences of their behavior? (Listen to the answers.) You could say there were germs in their spit and that when they spat they spread these germs everywhere, which might make people around them ill. Set an example for the child with your own behavior. Children imitate the actions of the people in their household. For example, if we are in the habit of throwing whatever we get our hands on when we are furious, and we see our children throw a toy at their playmate during play and ask them why they did it, they might say, But Mom, you do it too. Prevent your children from watching films featuring violence. Tell your children about what they can do to calm down when they are angry. For
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example, you might say, I know youre very angry, but there is no need to express your anger with aggression. When you feel this angry, slowly count to 10 under your breath. Once you calm down, try to resolve whatever is bothering you by talking to that person. Try to get children to figure out what else they might do instead of acting aggressively when they encounter a problem. For example, asking questions like, I know it made you very angry when your friend took your favorite car, and you shoved them to get it back. You friend started to cry. How could you have gotten your toy back without making your friend cry? can help children figure out what the desired behavior is by themselves. Teach children to express their anger with words, not through aggression. For example, teach them that when they want to take their toy back from their friend, instead of hitting, shoving, spitting at and swearing at them, to ask permission and take it; or if they are fighting because they do not want to share, to take turns playing with the toy. Acknowledge their behavior when children display desired behavior instead of aggressive behavior. For example, when children refrain from swearing even if they get angry while playing, state that this made you very happy. IF THE CHILD TAKES OTHER PEOPLES BELONGINGS WITHOUT PERMISSION Sometimes you may notice items that do not belong to your children among their things; they may bring home things that belong to their classmates from school or kindergarten. Now let us continue with our small group exercise. (Give each group the below question.) Question 3: Recall an incident where your children brought something home from kindergarten, school, or the store, without permission. Why might they have taken those items without permission? What did you do when you realized what had happened? In addition to what you said, let us now discuss the reasons why your children may have taken something that does not belong to them. Preschool-aged children may bring home one of their friends toys without permission. This is because children this age are not yet aware that it is wrong to take other peoples belongings without permission. As they get older, they begin to understand that when they take something that does not belong to them, they are doing something wrong. Another reason for this behavior may be that they really want or desire to have that item. For example, children may yearn for scented erasers, colorful and pretty pencils, battery operated toys if they do not have any of their own, and bring them home. This could be one reason why they take other childrens belongings without permission. The parents may have refused to buy their children something they asked for (a toy, a watch, a bicycle). For example, the child may have liked a watch and asked his/her parents to buy it. The parents may have said they cannot afford it, and the child may have hidden it in their pocket without the shopkeeper knowing. Children may take items or foods (candy, toys) without permission because they do not have sufficient money to buy them. For example, they may secretly pocket some candy when the shopkeeper is not looking because they know they do not have enough money to buy them.
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They may do this to get their familys attention. For example, when a new baby joins the family, they may think they will not receive as much attention as before, and take money from their parents without permission to get their attention. What did you do when you encountered a similar situation? Or, what are some things you could do? (Add anything that is missing.) Teach children that everyone can have their own private things, and that they need to respect this. If you have preschool-aged children, for instance, you can say that they have their own bed, wardrobe, clothes and toys, and that nobody can use these things without permission. Similarly, you can also explain that they should not take the belongings of their parents or siblings without permission. This will help children learn that it is necessary to respect the belongings of different people. Explain to children that if they take something from someone else without permission, they need to return it and apologize as they do so. When you realize that your children have brought home something that belongs to a friend, ask them how they think their friend might be feeling. For instance, if they took their friends barrette without permission, you could ask How do you think your friend must have felt when she looked for her barrette and couldnt find it? or How would you feel if your friend took your barrette without permission? This can help children understand that their behavior upset and angered their friend, and make them regret what they did. If you notice that your children have brought home a toy from the store without having paid for it, explain to them that we cannot take anything from stores without paying for them, and that they need to return the item and apologize. When children take something from a store, it will take great effort even to get them to go back there. Since they will be very embarrassed when they return whatever it was they took, do not force them to apologize if they do not want to. Do not accuse children when you realize they have taken something that does not belong to them, without permission. Do not make offensive comments, such as Youre a thief. Addressing the child in an accusatory tone and saying, Why did you take this without permission? may cause them to deny that they took it without permission and say, I didnt do it. Instead, tell them it is wrong to take other peoples belongings. If, despite all your efforts, your children continue to take things that do not belong to them without permission, the time has come for them to experience the consequences of their behavior. This will ensure that the erroneous behavior makes a lasting impression on the child. For example, in addition to returning the item they took without permission or payment, and apologizing for it, you can say you will not take them to the mall at all for a whole week. When children go and find the items they hid, do not touch anything when you go shopping, or ask permission to play with one of their friends toys, acknowledge their honest behavior. IF THE CHILD IS AFRAID OF SCHOOL Case study: I will now tell you a story. Selma is 7-years-old. She has just started school. Every morning, her mother struggles to wake her up. Selma argues with her mother about not going to school. She cries and cries. She says, I have a stomachache. She says, school was cancelled today
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and doesnt go to school. Her mother later learns the truth from their neighbor. She goes home right away and starts yelling at Selma. She tells Selma that she will complain about her to her teacher. What is happening in this example? What do you think Selmas problem is? How do you think Selmas mother reacted? Did this work? What would you have done? (Listen to the answers.) As was the case in this example, some children come up with various excuses not to go to school when they wake up in the morning. They say they have a stomachache and feel nauseous; they may even hide in closets or under the bed. I would like you to split into small groups again and discuss this question: (Ask the question below either verbally or distribute it to the groups written on a piece of paper.) Question 4: Were your children ever afraid of school? If so, what might have been the reasons for this? What did you do to help them overcome this fear? (After the small group discussions are over, continue the discussion in the large group.) As you also said, children may be afraid of going to school for many different reasons. Parental anxieties and worries that something bad will befall the child can cause the child to feel anxious and worried as well. For example, when mothers take their children to the playground, if they say things like, Dont run, youll fall, Youll sweat and get sick, or Dont wander too far, youll get lost, children may feel anxious and afraid when they are on their own somewhere, when their mother is not present. Parents may feel anxious when their children start school and leave home. Children may be unable to meet their own needs without their mother. For example, they may not be able to eat by themselves or use the toilet by themselves. As a result, they may feel anxious about not being able to meet their needs at school as well. Children may recall things their mother said in anger, such as Ill go and leave you, you wont have a mother anymore, and feel afraid that their mother will leave them while they are at school. If the idea of teachers was used to frighten children when they did something wrong, they may later be afraid of school. Certain circumstances at home can have an affect on children. Important changes in the childs life, such as divorce, moving, illness, arrival of a new baby or the death of a loved one can all cause children to not want to go to school. Children may have had difficulty adjusting to school rules. The other children may have excluded them, and they may be feeling lonely because they have not made any friends. The childs teacher may be easily angered and prone to yelling. Children may be afraid of or embarrassed about making a presentation or reading out loud in class. Children may develop a fear of school if the school is in an unsafe neighborhood and fights break out often. Now let us discuss what we can do to help children overcome their fear of school. (Add anything that is missing from the mothers responses.) If children have physical complaints (stomachache, headache) we need to make sure whether they are real or just excuses, and if necessary, consult a physician to have them checked.
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Children have to see that we are will not yield on the issue of sending them to school. We must make sure that our children go to school. All family members must be consistent and firm to this end. Get your children used to this separation slowly. For instance, the mother or the father can first wait in the classroom, then in the corridor, then at the playground, and finally, at home. Keep the promises you make; for example, if you told your child you would wait for them at the canteen, wait at the canteen. Instead of becoming angry with, punishing or accusing your children because they do not want to go to school, use active listening to show that you understand their anxieties and worries. For example, if your children say to you, I have an oral exam in math and I dont want to go to school, instead of saying, If you have an oral exam, you have to go to school, talk about their feelings and indicate that you understand their worries and anxieties. When you share your childrens troubles and worries, they will feel understood, and calm down. Children that are afraid of school may be wondering what their mother will do all day. Another way of helping your children relax is to tell them about your day. Get children to like school, reading and their teacher before they begin school. Get them to believe that they will be good students. Encourage children to participate in activities with their friends. For example, you might ask your children to bring their friends over and play together. You can also encourage them to participate in extra-curricular activities. The family must collaborate with the teacher to overcome childrens fear of school. At home the family and at school the teacher must observe the child; if there are any problems in concentration skills or relationships with other children, both parties need to inform one another. IF THE CHILD DOES NOT WANT TO GO TO BED ON TIME While mothers want their children to go to bed on time and get the sleep they need, children want to stay up late, play, and watch TV. As you all know, when children start school, regular bedtimes and adequate sleep enable them to listen better in class the following day and understand the work better. Again, I would like you to discuss this issue in small groups. (Give the mothers this question.) Question 5: Do your children have a problem with going to bed on time? If so, why do they not want to go to bed? How did you deal with this problem? (After the discussion is over, add anything that is missing.) As you also said, some of you have children that do not want to go to bed on time. Why do you think they dont want to go to bed on time? They may not want to go to bed on time because they are afraid of the dark or of going to bed alone, as well as due to other reasons based on the availability of more attractive options (the desire to spend time with the family, eat dinner with dad, play, watch TV, etc.). What do you when you are faced with a similar situation? How can you get the children to go to bed on time? (As them for suggestions about how to resolve this problem behavior, and add anything they missed.) Explain to children why they need to go to bed early. How can we explain this to them? (Listen to the answers.) Explain that if they do not go to bed early they will not get a good nights sleep; and that they need a good nights sleep to grow, develop, and understand their class work well the following day.
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Children need to have a specific going to bed routine. How can this be done? (Listen to the answers.) For example, children should have a specific bedtime; get them used to sleeping at that hour. Childrens bedtime should not be determined according to when evening falls. Regardless of whether it gets dark late or early, children should have a set bedtime. Try not to change this time as mush as possible so that children get used to going to bed at the same time. The time they go to bed may change if you have guests over or on other special occasions, but make sure you explain the reasons for it to the child. For example: Today you can go to bed half an hour later because your uncle and cousins are here, but tomorrow you will go to bed at your normal bedtime. Establish a routine that prepares the child to go to sleep. What do children regularly do every night before they go to bed? (Listen to the answers.) Young children especially establish a pre-bedtime routine. For example, some children might kiss everyone in the house before they go to bed; others line up all their dolls by the bedside. This routine that children run through before going to bed makes it easier for them to leave their parents and fall asleep. Adults can use these routines to help children get used to a sleeping pattern. Children want to know beforehand what is going to happen next. A routine that prepares the child for sleep will work to remind them that it is time for bed. What do we need to pay attention in establishing a bedtime routine for our children? (Listen to the answers.) Do not allow them to play overly active games right before bed. If children get too worked up before bedtime, it will be harder to calm them down and get them to sleep. Explain to children that the time has come for bed. How can you explain to children that it is bedtime? (Listen to the answers.) Remind children that it is getting close to bedtime by saying something like, After your finish dinner and brush you teeth, it will be time for bed. Because children do not know how to tell time, you can draw the picture of the time you want them to go to bed and hang it up by the real clock on the wall. When the clock you drew and the clock on the wall are the same, your children will know the time has come to go to bed. Turn bedtime into quality time spent together with your children. Read them a story before they fall asleep, talk to them about your day or what you plan on doing the following day. When you apply all that is stated above, children will understand that the time has come to go to bed and this routine will give them a sense of security. As you read or tell a story to the child or talk to them about your day, they may say Mom, read a little bit more, Tell me more, and it may go past their bedtime. To prevent this, tell them beforehand how many pages you will read/how many stories you will tell/how long you will talk about your day. After the pre-determined time has passed, tell the child goodnight, turn off the light, and leave the room. IF THE CHILD SUCKS THEIR THUMB AND/OR BITES THEIR FINGERNAILS In addition to the various behaviors we talked about, there is thumb-sucking and nail-biting. Thumb-sucking usually begins around 4 to 10 months of age as an inherent reflex; by the time they are 1-year-old, most children suck their thumb. This reaches its pinnacle around 3 or 4 years of age, and disappears after children are 4. If your children are still sucking their thumbs by the time they are 5 or 6 years old, consult a physician immediately because this means thumb sucking has become an undesired habit.
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Nail-biting begins around the age of 4 and can continue until adolescence; it is also observed among adults. Thumb-sucking and nail-biting behavior may indicate that children are experiencing certain problems that they are having difficulty resolving. What may cause thumb-sucking and nail-biting behavior? (Listen to the answers.) Thumb-sucking may become a habit as a result of an authoritarian parenting style, inadequate love and affection, birth of a sibling, death in the family, or separation or divorce of the parents. Some children may continue the behavior as they are watching TV or even during play. Reasons that underlie nail-biting include an authoritarian parenting style, constant scolding and criticism of the child, jealousy, inadequate love and affection, and feelings of anxiousness and nervousness. What can we do to resolve the problem? (Listen to the answers.) While children are biting their nails or sucking their thumbs, divert their attention to something else. Although this will not lead to permanent behavior change, it can help in providing momentary solutions to the problem. Prevent children from sucking their thumb or biting their nails by presenting them with activities that involve the use of their hands. When childrens hands are occupied with a task, they will suck their thumbs and bite their nails less. Sometimes, bitter nail polish can also help in preventing nail-biting behavior. What are some activities children can do that involve using their hands? (Listen to the answers.) Playing with sand, water, play dough, LEGOs and puzzles, or drawing pictures with crayons are some examples. Acknowledge childrens behavior and state how happy it makes you when they suck on their thumbs and/or bite their nails less. If; Your children continue to suck their thumb or bite their nails and cannot control the behavior, The thumb-sucking and bail-biting behavior is causing physical problems; for example if children who suck their thumbs excessively have an infection on their thumb or if they are experiencing a dental problem, and if children who bite their nails have bleeding cuticles and an infection, Your children get angry, upset and hurt when their acquaintances, friends and siblings make fun of this habit, Then you need to pay attention to this problem and perhaps consult an expert.

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Plan and sharing: (Distribute the take home worksheet and other handouts to the mothers.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) This week we talked about problem behavior in children (lying, aggressive behavior, taking other peoples belongings without permission, nail-biting, thumb-sucking, fear of school and refusing to go to bed on time). We also discussed ways to overcome them. Which of your childrens problem behavior will you address this week, what do you plan on doing? Do we have any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
PROBLEM BEHAVIORS

If If If If If If

Children Children Children Children Children Children

Lie Behave Aggressively Take Other Peoples Belongings Without Permission are Afraid of School Do Not Go to Bed on Time Suck their Thumb or Bite their Nails

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HANDOUT 1: PROBLEM BEHAVIORS Dear Parents, IF CHILDREN LIE Why do children lie? Until the age of 5, children generally cannot differentiate between the imaginary and the real; they make up stories. Children differentiate between what is imaginary and what is real from the age of 6 or 7 onwards. So, if children this age are not telling the truth, they are aware that they are not. Children may be afraid that their parents will get angry and yell at them or punish them. Sometimes parents put their children in a position to lie. Children may learn to lie if they realize that their parents also lie. What can be done so that children do not lie? We can help preschool aged children differentiate between what is imaginary and what is real. Preschool aged children cannot differentiate between the imaginary and the real. By asking children this age questions such as Can people really fly? or Do animals talk in real life? while they are watching cartoons, we can help them distinguish between reality and fiction. Do not punish children for their mistaken behavior. Children that are afraid of being punished will lie. Explain to children why their behavior was wrong and what its consequences are. In cases where children are not doing their homework, you might explain to them that homework is their responsibility and if they do not do it, they might get failing grades and feel sad about it. If you yell at them and punish them, they will resort to lying and say, I did it, even if they have not done their homework. Se up the environment so that children do not feel the need to lie. Set an example for the child. Never use expressions like Youre lying, or Youre a liar, when addressing children. Address the erroneous behavior and the lie as two separate things. For example, imagine a boy called Metin, whose mother thought he was doing his homework at his friend Cans, when she finds out that he is actually at the playground. What can we do when faced with such an incident? First, explain the outcome of their behavior by saying something like, If you play during the time you need to be studying, you may get failing grades or do badly in school. Next, make them regret they lied by saying, It made me very upset that you lied and said you were playing at the playground when you had told me you would be studying; if you lie again I wont be able to trust you anymore. Acknowledge your childrens actions when they tell the truth. When children do something wrong but come and tell you, state that you are very happy that they told you the truth, but also explain to them the outcomes of their behavior. Children should never doubt their parents will always love them. They should be made to feel that they are loved not only when they get good grades or an award, but all the time. CHILDREN ARE WONDERFUL OBSERVERS BUT TERRIBLE INTERPRETERS
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HANDOUT 2: PROBLEM BEHAVIORS Dear Parents, IF CHILDREN BEHAVE AGGRESSIVELY Why do children behave aggressively? Children can be aggressive when they are jealous or disappointed. Some children do not know how to act, and because they do not know how to resolve their problems without fighting or shouting, they may resort to aggression. Some children may use fighting and arguing as a means of getting their way in a group and becoming a leader. Children imitate the actions of the adults in their household. If we exhibit aggressive behavior at home, for instance beat and punish children when they do something wrong or allow them to fight, they will learn that aggressive behavior is acceptable behavior. Children learn this kind of behavior from us, and when they later act this way with their friends we say You are so difficult, Youre always looking for a fight. Similarly, when children watch movies that feature violence, they imitate the war heroes in the film and try out the aggressive behavior they learned from these heroes on their siblings or friends. What can be done so children do not behave aggressively? From an early age on, explain to children why they should not do certain things, and the outcomes of their behavior. For example you might say, It hurts her/him when you hit your sister/brother and s/he starts to cry. If your children spit when they are angry, you could say there are germs in spit and that when they spit they spread these germs everywhere, which might make people around them ill. Set an example for the child with your own behavior. Prevent your children from watching films featuring violence. Tell your children about what they can do to calm down when they are angry. For example, you might say, I know youre very angry, but there is no need to express your anger with aggression. When you feel this angry, slowly count to 10 under your breath. Once you calm down, try to resolve whatever is bothering you by talking to that person. Try to get children to figure out what else they might do instead of acting aggressively when they encounter a problem. For example, asking questions like, I know it made you very angry when your friend took your favorite car, and you shoved them to get it back. You friend started to cry. How could you have gotten your toy back without making your friend cry? can help children figure out what the desired behavior is by themselves. Teach children to express their anger with words, not through aggression. For example, teach them that when they want to take their toy back from their friend, instead of hitting, shoving, spitting at and swearing at them, to ask permission and take it; or if they are fighting because they do not want to share, to take turns playing with the toy. Acknowledge their behavior when children display desired behavior instead of aggressive behavior. For example, when children refrain from swearing even if they get angry while playing, state that this made you very happy.

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HANDOUT 3: PROBLEM BEHAVIORS Dear Parents, IF CHILDREN TAKE OTHER PEOPLES BELONGINGS WITHOUT PERMISSION Why might children take other peoples belongings? Preschool-aged children may bring home one of their friends toys without permission. This is because children this age are not yet aware that it is wrong to take other peoples belongings without permission. As they get older, they understand better that when they take someone elses belongings, they are doing something wrong. Children may really want to have something. For example, children may yearn for scented erasers, colorful and pretty pencils, battery operated toys if they do not have any of their own, and bring them home. This could be one reason why they take other childrens belongings without permission. The parents may have not wanted to buy them something they asked for (a toy, a watch, a bicycle). For example, the child may have liked a watch and asked his/her parents to buy it. The parents may have said they cannot afford it, and the child may have hidden it in their pocket without the shopkeeper knowing. Children may take items or foods (candy, toys) without permission because they do not have sufficient money to buy them. For example, they may secretly pocket some candy when the shopkeeper is not looking because they know they do not have enough money to buy them. They may do this to get their familys attention. For example, when a new baby joins the family, they may think they will not receive as much attention as before, and take money from their parents without permission to get their attention. What might you do when faced with a similar situation? Teach children that everyone can have their own private things, and that they need to respect this. How might you do this? If you have preschool-aged children, for instance, you can say that they have their own bed, wardrobe, clothes and toys, and that nobody can use these things without permission. Similarly, you can also explain that they should not take the belongings of their parents or siblings without permission. This will help children learn that it is necessary to respect the belongings of different people. Explain to children that if they take something from someone else without permission, they need to return it and apologize as they do so. If you notice that your children have brought home a toy from the store without having paid for it, explain to them that we cannot take anything from stores without paying for them, and that they need to return the item and apologize. When children take something from a store, it will take great effort even to get them to go back there. Since they will be very embarrassed when they return whatever it was they took, do not force them to apologize if they do not want to. Do not accuse children when you realize they have taken something that does not belong to them, without permission. Do not make offensive comments, such as Youre a thief. Addressing the child in an accusatory tone and saying, Why did you take this without permission? may cause them to deny that they took it without permission and say, I didnt do it. Instead, tell them it is wrong to take other peoples belongings.
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If, despite all your efforts, your children continue to take things that do not belong to them without permission, the time has come for them to experience the consequences of their behavior. This will ensure that the erroneous behavior makes a lasting impression on the child. When children go and find the items they hid, do not touch anything when you go shopping, or ask permission to play with one of their friends toys, acknowledge their honest behavior.

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HANDOUT 4: PROBLEM BEHAVIORS Dear Parents, IF CHILDREN ARE AFRAID OF SCHOOL Why might children be afraid of school? Parental anxieties and worries that something bad will befall the child can cause the child to feel anxious and worried as well. For example, when mothers take their children to the playground, if they say things like, Dont run, youll fall, Youll sweat and get sick, or Dont wander too far, youll get lost, children may feel anxious and afraid when they are on their own somewhere, when their mother is not present. Parents may feel anxious when their children start school and leave home. Children may be unable to meet their own needs without their mother. For example, they may not be able to eat by themselves or use the toilet by themselves. As a result, they may feel anxious about not being able to meet their needs at school as well. Children may recall things their mother said in anger, such as Ill go and leave you, you wont have a mother anymore, and feel afraid that their mother will leave them while they are at school. If teachers were used to frighten children when they did something wrong, they may later be afraid of school. Certain circumstances at home can have an affect on children. Important changes in the childs life, such as divorce, moving, illness, arrival of a new baby or the death of a loved one can all cause children to not want to go to school. Children may have had difficulty adjusting to school rules. The other children may have excluded them, and they may be feeling lonely because they have not made any friends. The childs teacher may be easily angered and prone to yelling. Children may be afraid of or embarrassed about making a presentation or reading out loud in class. Children may develop a fear of school if the school is in an unsafe neighborhood and fights break out often. What might you do to help children overcome their fear of school? If children have physical complaints (stomachache, headache) we need to make sure whether they are real or just excuses, and if necessary, consult a physician to have them checked. Do not accuse children for not wanting to go to school. Do not make fun of their fear of school or their tears. Do not yield to their desires of not wanting to go to school. We must make sure that our children go to school. All family members must be consistent and firm to this end. Get your children used to this separation slowly. For instance, the mother or the father can first wait in the classroom, then in the corridor, then at the playground, and finally, at home. Keep the promises you make; for example, if you told your child you would wait for them at the canteen, wait at the canteen. Instead of becoming angry with, punishing or accusing your children because they do not want to go to school, use active listening to show that you understand their anxieties and worries. For example, if your children say, I have an oral
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exam in math and I dont want to go to school, instead of saying, If you have an oral exam, you have to go to school, talk about their feelings and indicate that you understand their worries and anxieties. When you share your childrens troubles and worries, they will feel understood, and calm down. Children that are afraid of school may be wondering what their mother will do all day. Another way of helping your children relax is to tell them about your day. Get children to like school, reading and their teacher before they begin school. Get them to believe that they will be good students. Encourage children to participate in activities with their friends. For example, you might ask your children to bring their friends over and play together. You can also encourage them to participate in extra-curricular activities. The family must collaborate with the teacher to overcome childrens fear of school. At home the family and at school the teacher must observe the child; if there are any problems in concentration skills or relationships with other children, both parties need to inform one another.

IF YOU WANT CHILDREN TO LIKE SCHOOL DO NOT THREATEN THEM WITH THEIR TEACHER

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HANDOUT 5: PROBLEM BEHAVIORS Dear Parents, IF CHILDREN DO NOT WANT TO GO TO BED ON TIME Why do you think children do not want to go to bed on time? They may not want to go to bed on time because they are afraid of the dark or of going to bed alone, as well as due to other reasons based on the availability of more attractive options (the desire to spend time with the family, eat dinner with dad, play, watch TV, etc.). How can you get the children to go to bed on time? Explain to children why they need to go to bed early. How can we explain this to them? Explain that if they do not go to bed early they will not get a good nights sleep; and that they need a good nights sleep to grow, develop, and understand their class work well the following day. Children need to have a specific going to bed routine. How can this be done? Children should have a specific bedtime and gotten used to sleeping at that hour. Childrens bedtime should not be determined according to when evening falls. Regardless of whether it gets dark late or early, children should have a set bedtime. Try not to change this time as mush as possible so that children get used to going to bed at the same time. The time they go to bed may change if you have guests over or on other special occasions, but make sure you explain the reasons for it to the child. For example: Today you can go to bed half an hour later because your uncle and cousins are here, but tomorrow you will go to bed at your normal bedtime. Establish a routine that prepares the child to go to sleep. Young children especially establish a pre-bedtime routine. For example some children might kiss everyone in the house before they go to bed, others line up all their dolls by the bedside. This routine that children run through before going to bed makes it easier for them to leave their parents and fall asleep. Adults can use these routines to help children get used to a sleeping pattern. Children want to know beforehand what is going to happen next. A routine that prepares the child for sleep will work to remind them that it is time for bed. While establishing a bedtime routine, do not allow them to play overly active games right before bed. If children get too worked up before bedtime, it will be harder to calm them down and get them to sleep. Explain to children that the time has come for bed. Remind children that it is getting close to bedtime by saying something like, After your finish dinner and brush you teeth, it will be time for bed. Because children do not know how to tell time, you can draw the picture of the time you want them to go to bed and hang it up by the real clock on the wall. When the clock you drew and the clock on the wall are the same, your children will know the time has come to go to bed. Turn bedtime into quality time spent together with your children. Read them a story before they fall asleep, talk to them about your day or what you plan on doing the following day. When you apply all that is stated above, children will understand that the time has come to go to bed and this routine will give them a sense of security. As you read or tell a story to the child or talk to them about your day, they may say Mom, read a little bit more, Tell me more, and it may go past their bedtime.
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To prevent this, tell them beforehand how many pages you will read/how many stories you will tell/how long you will talk about your day. After the pre-determined time has passed, tell the child goodnight, turn off the light, and leave the room.

MAKE SURE CHILDREN GET USED TO GOING TO BED AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY

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Problem Behaviors

HANDOUT 6: PROBLEM BEHAVIORS Dear Parents, IF CHILDREN SUCK THEIR THUMB AND/OR BITE THEIR FINGERNAILS Thumb-sucking usually begins around 4 to 10 months of age as an inherent reflex; by the time they are 1-year-old, most children suck their thumb. This reaches its pinnacle around 3 or 4 years of age, and disappears after children are 4. If your children are still sucking their thumbs by the time they are 5 or 6 years old, consult a physician immediately because this means thumb sucking has become an undesired habit. Nail-biting begins around the age of 4 and can continue until adolescence; it is also observed among adults. Thumb-sucking and nail-biting behavior may indicate that children are experiencing certain problems that they are having difficulty resolving. What may cause thumb-sucking and nail-biting behavior? Thumb-sucking may become a habit as a result of an authoritarian parenting style, inadequate love and affection, birth of a sibling, death in the family, or separation or divorce of the parents. Some children may continue the behavior as they are watching TV or even during play. Reasons that underlie nail-biting include an authoritarian parenting style, constant scolding and criticism of the child, jealousy, inadequate love and affection, and feelings of anxiousness and nervousness. What can we do to resolve the problem? While children are biting their nails or sucking their thumbs, divert their attention to something else. Although this will not lead to permanent behavior change, it can help in providing momentary solutions to the problem. Prevent children from sucking their thumb or biting their nails by presenting them with activities that involve the use of their hands. When childrens hands are occupied with a task, they will suck their thumbs and bite their nails less. Sometimes, bitter nail polish can also help in preventing nail-biting behavior. Get children involved in activities where they will use their hands. Playing with sand, water, play dough, LEGOs and puzzles, or drawing pictures with crayons are some examples. Acknowledge childrens behavior and state how happy it makes you when they suck on their thumbs and/or bite their nails less. If; Your children continue to suck their thumb or bite their nails and cannot control the behavior, The thumb-sucking and bail-biting behavior is causing physical problems; for example if children who suck their thumbs excessively have an infection on their thumb or if they are experiencing a dental problem, and if children who bite their nails have bleeding cuticles and an infection,

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Your children get angry, upset and hurt when their acquaintances, friends and siblings make fun of this habit, Then you need to pay attention to this problem and perhaps consult an expert. IF CHILDREN 5 OR 6 YEARS OLD ARE STILL SUCKING THEIR THUMB, CONSULT A PHYSICIAN

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STUDY HABITS

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Inform mothers about what they can do to ensure their preschooler is ready for school when they start school, Inform mothers about how the home environment and the studying environment, should be arranged when their children are studying, Inform mothers about how they can help their children plan their school work, Inform mothers about how they should evaluate their childrens study habits.

HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: STUDY HABITS HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

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STUDY HABITS
Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.) During our meeting today we will discuss what we can do before and after our children start going to school to ensure school success and the acquisition of good study habits. The things we can do so that they study for their school work regularly and attain scholastic success. All parents want their children to be successful at school. However, as parents, what we do before and after our children begin school are very important in attaining that success. School readiness is a crucial factor in childrens scholastic success. What do you understand from the expression school readiness? (Listen to the answers.) Starting school can be a time when children experience the most significant changes in their lives. During this time both children, and parents may encounter various challenges. Children that are dependent on their parents during the preschool period can perceive the experience of starting school as separation and estrangement from the home and the parents. However, children that can express themselves easily, eat unassisted, meet their toilet and personal hygiene needs on their ownin other words, self-sufficient, confident childrenwill find it much easier to adjust to school. School readiness in terms of children means for them to be able to meet the schools expectations cognitively, emotionally, socially, and physically. THINGS WE CAN DO BEFORE CHILDREN START GOING TO SCHOOL You or a preschool education of your choice can provide the supportive environment children need in order to begin school ready. If your children do not attend a preschool education center, then you can carry out educational activities together with your children at home that will prepare them for school. (Write this on the board.) What kinds of educational activities do you think we can do? (Listen to the answers.) You can teach your children certain skills before they start going to school so that they can listen to and understand what is discussed in class and express their thoughts
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once they begin to attend. For example, you can teach them to count from 1 to 10 and to recognize numbers when they see them, before they start school. You can also teach them about geometric shapes (square, triangle, rectangle and circle); concepts (big-small, long-short, on top of-under, next to-between, front-back, up-down, high-low); and the qualities of various objects (heavy-light, sweet-sour, hard-soft). We must get them to like going to school and learning. (Write this on the board.) Can we make our children like going to school before they even start? How? (Listen to the answers, add anything that is missing.) Tell them they will learn new things at school and make many new friends, Explain that they will learn to read once they start school and will be able to read any storybook they like, State that through an education they will be able to learn a profession, If they are attending a kindergarten and will continue onto the first grade at the same school the following year, tell them that they will be together with their friends when they start first grade and will be able to keep playing together, If they will be going to a new school, take them there for a tour of the school, During registration bring them with you to school and if possible, get them to meet their teacher. We must get them to like their teacher. (Write this on the board.) How should we introduce the concept of the teacher? (Listen to the answers, add anything that is missing.) Explain that the teacher is not someone to be feared but loved and respected, Never threaten children with their teacher, just as you would not with doctors or police officers. Children that are afraid of their teacher will not ask questions and lose all enthusiasm for going to school and learning. Get them to believe that they will be good students. (Write this on the board.) Do you believe that your children will be good students at school? Are you confident that they will be? (Listen to the answers.) For children to be self-confident, they have to first feel that their parents believe in them. In other words, we have to make our children feel we believe in them. When you work through activities together, tell them that they did a great job and get them to believe that when they do similar activities at school, they will be successful. Make them understand that school is their responsibility. (Write this on the board.) Instead of saying our school, our teacher, say your school, your teacher, to underline that this process is their responsibility. All of these efforts will ensure that children start school happier, more enthusiastic and more self-confident; in other words, they will be emotionally and socially ready when they start school. In addition to children being cognitively, emotionally and socially ready for school, they need to be well-nourished in order to be prepared physically and their sensory organs, such as the eyes and ears need to be well-developed for them to be able to listen to the class work and see the blackboard. It is very important that a doctor checks your childrens vision and hearing prior to starting school. If you plan on sending our children to kindergarten before primary school, then you need to choose a good preschool education center.

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What should we pay attention to when choosing a kindergarten for our child? (Listen to the answers.) A good preschool education center is not a place where only childrens physical needs are meta place where they eat and sleepbut one where childrens developmental areas are promoted. A good preschool must have materials and toys that children can use for various activities in the classroom that will advance their physical, cognitive, emotional and social developmental areas. These materials and toys should be arranged such that children can use them without feeling the need for an adults assistance. The tables, chairs and shelves in the classroom and the toilet bowl and sink in the bathroom must all be child-sized. The preschool must include a classroom, sleeping area and kitchen that adhere to health standards. There must be one wall-to-wall carpeted classroom where children can move freely. Necessary safety measures around the school and inside the classroom must have been taken. The garden must be enclosed with a tall fence, any wells in the garden must be covered over, radiators in the classroom must be covered with protective lids. The classroom teacher should be lively, well-educated, cheerful, warm, and have a soft voice. The teacher-student rate in the classroom should not exceed 1:15. To ensure your children start school ready, you can also attend the Mother Child Education Program that is currently being conducted at Public Education Centers and Community Centers across Turkey. Mothers who have a 6-year-old can attend the program. Within the context of the Cognitive Education Programwhich is a part of the Mother Child Education Programmothers work through activities with their children that support cognitive development and prepare them for school. You can also attend that program by applying to a Public Education Center or a Community Center near you. Apprenticeship and Informal Education General Directorate: Phone: 0312/212 68 80 Social Services and Child Protection Agency General Directorate: Phone: 0312/231 89 10 Mother Child Education Foundation: Phone: 0212/213 42 20 And what can we do at home to ensure school success when our children start school? (Listen to the answers.) The basis of efficient study habits is for children to take responsibility for themselves. When they start school, children that take on responsibility from an early age onwards find it easier to accept the new responsibility of studying for school. However, they may need their mothers support and guidance during the process of taking on this new responsibility. As is the case with any undertaking, a routine and good planning is necessary for childrens school success. The routine and plans established during the first days of school will help children acquire good study habits. THINGS WE CAN DO AFTER CHILDREN START SCHOOL ORDER Especially during the first years of schooling, mothers need to organize the home and study environment to help children acquire good study habits. Organization of the Home Environment (Write this on the board.) Now let us see how first grader Sinems home environment is organized.
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(The group leader gives the below text to a volunteer mother. The group leader assumes the role of the mother, the mother takes on the role of the child and they act out the skit.) Role Play: 7-years-old Sinem has just come home from school. Mother: Hello Sinem, I was just going out. Sinem: Mom, where are you going? Mother: I have to do some shopping, then I will visit your aunt Melek. Sinem: Mom, Im really tired and hungry. Mother: Sinem, I prepared your lunch, eat first and then do your homework. Youre a big girl now. I have to go, Ill see you when I come back in the afternoon. Sinem tries to do her math homework but gets stuck, and her mother returns home in the afternoon. Mother: Sinem, what did you do, did you do your homework? Sinem: I played and I watched my cartoons. I started my homework but I didnt understand the math questions. I waited to ask you. And not let us see how second grader Alis home environment is organized. (The group leader gives the below text to a volunteer mother. The group leader assumes the role of the mother, the mother takes on the role of the child and they act out the skit.) Role Play: 8-years-old Ali has just come home from school. Mother: Hello Ali. Ali: Mom, I am really tired and I have a math exam tomorrow. Mother: I knew you would come home hungry, lunch is ready. Why dont you go and change, and then well eat together. Ali changes and sits down to lunch with his mother. As they eat his mother talks about her day, and Ali tells her what happened at school. Ali: Mom, I have to start studying now." Mother: Alright dear, you start studying. I will be in the next room reading the paper. If there is anything you dont understand, you can ask me. Ali asks his mother the points he did not understand, and the next day his exam goes really well. Which child was able to study better? Ali, of course. Why do you think Ali was better able to study? (Listen to the answers.) Yes, as you also said, Alis mother listened to him when he came home from school. Later, he sat down to study. He had access to his mother when he needed help. As we just saw in the examples with Ali and Sinem, children have certain needs when they come home, what are they? (Listen to the answers. If the mother works outside the home, someone else can meet the child at home, or the home environment can be organized accordingly.) When children come home from school, they must be fed and made to rest a while. These are physical needs. The time children and mothers spend at the table while eating, talking about each others day, will help the child unwind. And this is important in terms of social development. During this conversation, if children do not want to talk about school work, do not force them to. Once they have sat down to study, they may not understand certain points and feel the need to ask their mother. The mother needs to be close by and available to the child. During this time, it would be better if she worked on something she could put aside easily when the child needed her. For example reading a book or the newspaper.
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Organization of the Environment where Children Study (Write this on the board.) At home, where and in what kinds of surroundings do your children study? (Ask mothers who have school-aged children.) Now let us talk about how we can organize the environment where our children study. Studying is done most efficiently at a table or desk. Studying lying down or in bed causes the muscles that keep the body erect to relax, which leads to lack of concentration, as well as sleepiness. Studying at a table or a desk instead of while lying down or in bed makes it easier to stay focused for longer periods. Children should have a table and a chair in their studying environment. The height of the table and the chair should be adjusted so that they can easily see their books and notebooks. What can be done if children do not have a room or a desk of their own? (Listen to the answers.) Children may not have their own room; in such cases, you should set up a desk at which the child can study somewhere in the house. The child may be studying at the table the family uses as a dining table. If children have to study at the dining table, they will think of eating whenever they sit down to study. You need to break the table-food connection that has formed in the childs mind and replace it with a table-studying connection. To this end, remove any items on the dining table that bring to mind eating and food. How can this be done? (Listen to the answers.) You could spread out a tablecloth on the dining table that you use only when the child sits down to study. Use this tablecloth only while the child is studying, and remove it once the child is done. This can help the child make a connection between the tablecloth and studying. The tablecloth will remind the child of studying, and this will make it easier for them to focus on their homework. Items such as the saltshaker, water glass etc. that indicate the table is used as a dining table can also be removed. Materials necessary for studying such as textbooks, pencils, erasers and a pencil sharpener should be the only items on the table. If there are other items on the table, the child may show an interest in them and become distracted. The place children sit down to study should be well-lit. The light should not be dim and invite sleep; the child should be sitting at a welllit place. For right-handed children the light should come from the left, and for left-handed children, from the right. The place children sit down to study should be quiet. Noise from the outside, the sounds from radio and television programs, loud conversations inside the home can all cause children to become distracted. If possible, the desk should not be close to a window. This will prevent them from distracted by other children playing outside, people passing by in the street, or cars etc. The TV and the radio should be either turned off or their volume turned down. To establish a quiet, peaceful and comfortable study environment, try not to invite over any guests during the hours the child comes home; if the child has any siblings, try to get them to play somewhere else if possible.

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PLANNING Just as we plan the housework and put what we will do into an orderfor example, I will clean in the morning, do the shopping in and pay the bills in the afternoon children can also plan how they are going to study. During the first few years of school, mothers should guide children in planning how to do their homework. And how will children make a plan? (Write this on the board.) Planning requires target that a target be set. The target may be set as a period of time, such as half an hour or 45 minutes; or as an amount, such as one page or two pages. However, for first graders, it may be difficult to set this target as a period of time. Thus, it would be more realistic to set it in terms of amount, meaning number of pages. In determining a target, initially mothers should help children set realistic targets. The attention span of children that have just begun school is at most, half an hour. Since children this age are easily distracted and their hands tire easily, setting targets of 4 or 5 pages of work, instead of 2, is unrealistic. Let us see how Oyas mother assists her in setting a target. (Select a volunteer mother. You assume the role of the mother, let the mother take on the role of the child and act out the skit below.) Role Play: Oya is a first grader and has 3 pages of written homework to do. Mother: Oya, what homework do you have today? Oya: I have two pages of writing in Turkish. And one page of additions. Mother: Which one would you like to start with? Oya: I dont know, I like additions more. Ill finish them first. Mother: Very well, would you like to take a short break after youre done with your sums? Oya: Yes, I can dress my doll then. Mother: Very well, after you write down one whole page your hands will be tired and dressing your doll will help you rest them. After you rest, there will only be your Turkish homework to do to finish up your homework. You can also split that into two if you like. Oya: Youre right Mom; Ill rest halfway through it, when my hand gets tired. Oya completes her homework. Mother: Oya, your writing is just getting better and better, this makes me so very glad. Oya is happy. Oya: Now Im going to dress my doll in her new clothes. How did Oyas mother guide her in setting a target? (Listen to the answers.) She asked Oya which assignment she wanted to start with. She guided Oya, but gave Oya the responsibility of her homework. She told Oya to rest when her hands got tired. She acknowledged Oyas efforts and encouraged her by telling her that her handwriting was getting better and better. In doing so, she also expressed her own emotions. Especially during the 1st grade, it may be necessary to help children set realistic targets. After the set target is reached, a break should be taken and the child should relax and rest. Later, they will be enthusiastic about continuing with the rest of their homework However, when taking a break, you need to pay attention to certain things. Whatever the child does during the break should be important to them. Moreover, the break should be proportionate to the work done. For example, an hour-long break is not suitable after 15 minutes of work.

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Now let us see what happened to Mert, who was trying to do his homework without setting any targets. (The Group Leader gives a volunteer mother a piece of paper with the role play below written on it. The group leader assumes the role of the mother, the mother takes on the role of the child and they act out the skit.) Role Play: Mert is a third grader and has math homework to do. Mother: Mert, what do you have as homework today? Mert: Mom, I have one page of multiplications and one page of divisions to do. I also have 2 pages to read. Mother: Then get going right away, we are invited to your aunt Semas tonight. Mert: Great, Ill play with Ali. Mert sits down to do his homework, but after every two problems he solves, he takes a break and plays with his race car. Mother: Mert, it looks like you finished your homework, youre playing with your car. Mert: I have some more to do, Mom. Mother: Try a little harder honey, well be going soon. Mert: OK, Mom. Mother: Mert come on, were late already; you can finish your homework when we get back. Or bring it with you if you like, you can do it there. Mert: OK, Mom. Mert has not finished his homework; he has only worked halfway through the multiplication problems. They go visiting, and as Mert is playing with Ali, his mother comes over. Mother: Mert, we have to leave early, you havent finished your homework, remember? Mert: But Mom, were having so much fun playing. Let me play a little more, please? I'll finish it when we get home. Mother: No Mert, actually, we shouldnt have come over tonight. We only came because I had promised Sema earlier. Mert was sad because he was not able to play with his friend as long as he liked. He was very tired when he came home and did his homework hardheartedly. Mert started to do his homework without a plan and what happened? (Listen to the answers. Add anything that is missing.) Since he did not set a target he took breaks often and was unable to focus, Mert frequently left his desk, it took much longer for him to finish his homework which would have actually taken 15 to 20 minutes, and he got bored, He was unable to play with his friends for as long as he liked, He did not get enough sleep, He did his homework halfheartedly. What would have happened had Mert set a target? (Listen to the answers.) He would have spent effort to reach the target he set regarding his homework and finished it on time. He would have been able to play more with his friend. He would have gotten enough sleep. He would not have done his homework halfheartedly; he would have understood what he was doing.

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What are the benefits of doing homework with a plan? (Listen to the answers.) Doing homework according to a plan enables children to allocate sufficient time to their homework, get it done on time so they have time left over for themselves, and be more successful in school. Children that study according to a plan learn that studying and doing homework is their responsibility, and acquire good study habits. WHAT SHOULD WE DO IF OUR CHILDREN DO NOT DO THEIR HOMEWORK EVEN THOUGH WE TRIED ALL THESE METHODS? If your children do not do their homework, will getting angry and yelling at them have the desired effect? (Listen to the answers.) You are right, as is the case with other behaviors, they may act differently for a while due to fear, or make it seem like they are studying. Instead of getting angry and starting to yell, explain the outcomes of and the damage caused by their actions, and tell them they need to change their behavior. Try explaining your point using examples from your own life. For example, If your father and I dont go to work we wont be able to buy food; if I dont cook we wont have anything to eat for dinner and well go hungry. Your father and I have to go to work; we have to buy and cook food for us to eat. If you dont do your homework regularly, you wont be successful in school and this will make you sad. That means, you have to do your homework. This will allow you to explain the outcomes of and damage caused by their behavior, and convince them to do their homework. You can also guide them as to how they can study, offering them a possible solution. You can also teach your children the methods we discussed on good study habits. If your children still do not do their homework, explain to them being successful or not is completely up to them, and try to resolve the problem from a more fundamental point. Tell them that just as it was their responsibility to learn to use the toilet when they were a small child, doing their homework is also their responsibility. If our children are successful at school we feel happy, if not, we feel sad, but aside from providing them the necessary conditions, there is nothing else we can do. This is their job. One of the important requirements of developing good study habits and achieving success at school is for children to know that this is completely up to them. Consequently, the most important thing for parents to do is to teach their children that studying and homework is their job and responsibility. If necessary, you can also collaborate with the Guidance Counselor. How can we teach children that studying and homework are their responsibility? (Listen to the answers.) If your child has an exam, it is your childs exam to take, not yours. Mothers that say, We have an exam tomorrow, make is seem as though studying for it is their responsibility and prevent their children from taking responsibility for it. When children are done with their homework, they should prepare the necessary schoolbooks for the following day and put them in their bag themselves. Mothers should not do this on behalf of their children. Children should not get used to doing their homework from start to finish with their mothers. Mothers should provide assistance when their children require it, and check over the completed homework.

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HOW PARENTS EVALUATE THEIR CHILDRENS STUDY HABITS IS IMPORTANT We all value good grades. Grades are a measure of success, but we have to understand, and make our children understand, that the important thing is to learn. Focus not on your childrens grades but on what they learn in class and how they learn it. If you focus only on their grades, children may feel pressurized. They may try hard to make their parents happy, and worry that their parents will be upset if they do not get a good grade on an exam. They may also resort to cheating in order to get good grades. Explain to children that getting a good grade through cheating has no value whatsoever. Teach children that the important thing is to learn. To make children see this, use expressions like, Great, you studied hard and learned the subject really well, instead of Great, you got an A+. This ensures that our acknowledgment and encouragement is based on learning and knowledge, not on grades. Children should know that you will love them even if they get failing grades. If your children are unsuccessful in school and have failing grades on their report card, how would you feel? (Listen to the answers.) We would feel very sad if our children were unsuccessful at school and had failing grades on their report card, but we would still love them. Yes, because they are our children. However, we need to show our children that we love them even when they get failing grades. Otherwise, if we withhold our love from our children, they may think we no longer love them due to the bad grades and go into depression. Would beating or punishing children that have failing grades on their report card produce desired results? (Listen to the answers.) It would not; they may appear to study for a while due to fear, but most probably, because they do not know well how to study, they will again turn out to be unsuccessful. Every year, at the end of the school year, many children run away from home or commit suicide out of fear because they have failing grades on their report card. Instead of beating or punishing children, firmly state that it really saddens your to see such grades and collaborate with them, help them by showing them how to study. Just like you taught them how to pick up their room or wash their hands well. Acknowledge the effort children put into studying. How should we act if our children have tried hard and studied during the whole semester, but received a failing grade or a grade not as high as they wanted? (Listen to the answers.) The child may not have received a good grade, but they did have good intentions and studied hard, in this case you need to acknowledge their efforts. In such cases, when children study but do not receive a passing grade, it may be necessary to focus more on whether or not their study habits are effective. However, if the child did not study, only then should they be considered unsuccessful.

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Study Habits

Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 1. Distribute the Take Home Worksheet.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) Today we talked about childrens study habits. What are you planning on doing before your children start going to school so they can start school ready? What are you planning on doing to enable your children to study more effectively, in terms of organizing the home environment and the environment where they study? Are there any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing in the take home worksheet, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

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BOARD PLAN
STUDY HABITS
Things to do before children start school Do educational activities at home with the child. Ensure that children like school. Ensure that children like their teacher. Tell children they will be good students. Make them understand that school is their responsibility. Things to do after children start school 1. ORDER At home While studying 2. PLANNING Setting targets

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Study Habits

HANDOUT: 1 STUDY HABITS Dear Parents, Things to Do to Help Children Develop Good Study Habits: Things We Can Do Before Children Start School Get them to like going to school and learning. Get them to like their teacher. Get them to believe that they will be good students. Make them understand that school is their responsibility. Things We Can Do After Children Start School If a person wants to be successful at any given task, Planning and Organization are required. Planning and organization are important in the establishment of good study habits. Order Order at home: When we talk about order, we can split it into a discussion on the overall order at home to study, and the order of the study area. Childrens time after they return from school should be programmed and they should know what they will be doing. In this regard, parents have certain responsibilities. A parent or the childs caregiver should be home when the child returns from school and meet them. Before children begin their homework, their mother should care for them and help them relax after they return from school while they eat or later by talking about issues not related to lessons. Children may not want to talk about school. Talking about school is fine, as long as children bring up the issue. The purpose of this conversation is to strengthen the mother-child bond and help children relax after a school day. Before children begin their homework, they should be allowed to do something they enjoy doing for half an hour. The important thing is for children not to do something that tires them physically. Physical fatigue can prevent children from studying effectively. If the mother also keeps herself busy when the child sits down to do their homework, they will feel comfortable when they see they are not the only one working at home. Instead of watching soaps on TV, the mother can peel vegetables or read a book. Try as much as possible not to have guests over at the time when children return home from school and will sit down to study; also do not take them visiting with you. If the child has siblings, try to get them to play somewhere else. Prepare a quiet, peaceful and comfortable study environment for the child. Order of the study area: Getting the study area into order means to create an environment that encourages the child to study. There should be a table and a chair where children can comfortably sit and study. Studying on the floor, on the couch, or while lying down should not become a habit. The place children sit down to study should be well-lit. For right-handed children the light should come from the left, and for left-handed children, from the right. If possible, children should study alone, in a quiet room with no TV.

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Study Habits

On the table where they do their homework, there should only be the materials children will need as they work. For example: a pencil, an eraser, a ruler, books and notebooks, etc. Planning Children will not be able to finish all their homework at one sitting. Their attention span is not long enough to finish their homework at one sitting, either. Planning requires that a target be set: This target should either the duration they will work, or the amount of homework they will get done. If children sit down to do their homework without setting a target, they will not know when to take a break and may often get up from the table. This could distract them. Points to Look Out for in Planning-Setting a Target:

It is important for the planned target to be realistic. The mother should help the child is setting realistic targets. Breaks should be taken as targets are reached. At first, mothers should provide support to their children during the break and guide them. WHAT SHOULD WE DO IF OUR CHILDREN DO NOT DO THEIR HOMEWORK EVEN THOUGH WE TRIED ALL THESE METHODS? Instead of getting angry and starting to yell, explain the outcomes of and the damage caused by their actions as you would in relation to other behavior, and tell them they need to change it. Explain to children that whether they are successful at school or not is up to them. HOW PARENTS EVALUATE THEIR CHILDRENS STUDY HABITS IS IMPORTANT We need to understand, and make our children understand that the important thing is to learn. Children should know that you will love them and will always love them, no matter what happens. Instead of beating or punishing children, firmly state that it really saddens your to see such grades and collaborate with them, help them by showing them how to study. Acknowledge the effort children put into studying. IMPORTANT: Remember to seek out school-parent and teacher-parent collaborations often. Pay attention to teachers suggestions on good study habits. If there is a school counselor, even when there is not a problem, visit them and listen to their suggestions. VALUE AND ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT CHILDREN LEARN MORE THAN YOU VALUE GRADES

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SCHOOL-PARENT COLLABORATION FOR SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Discuss what mothers can do toward their childrens school success, Get mothers to find possible solutions to the difficulties they encounter with their children concerning school, Discuss what mothers can do to develop school-parent collaboration, Get mothers to join forces and cooperate on issues they experience problems with. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: SCHOOL-PARENT COLLABORATION FOR SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A non-transparent bag Paper, pencil 15 to 20 pieces of small and large items A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

SCHOOL-PARENT COLLABORATION FOR SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN


Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do to your children? Did your husband or anyone else help you? Which of your childrens problems were you able to find a solution for? Which were you unable to find a solution for? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.) So far, we talked about what the family can do in preparing children for school before and after the schooling process begins. This week we will talk about issues such as, how can you collaborate with the school when your children start school? How will this collaboration benefit you and your child? What can you continue to do to ensure your childs success? There are our topics of discussion. If your children have never attended a preschool education center, then you were always together. During your time together, you helped your children acquire various skills in preparation for school. You enabled them to paint, draw pictures, play with their friends, learn new words, and listen to stories. You were your childrens first teachers during this time. Now the time has come for your children to start school. Your children turned 7, and walked into school. Childrens passage from home to school is an important period of their lives. Unless they attended a preschool center, it will be the first time they enter an environment other than their family. This will make them excited. You will have noticed that before they start school, they ask a lot of questions about it. What is school like? What will I do there, will my teacher like me? What if the teacher asks my name and I cant answer? Will I make friends? How long will I stay, will I have a bag like my brothers? All these questions begin to form in their minds, and occasionally they will ask you about them. At this point, mothers have a very important responsibility. As we said last week, it is important to prepare the child for school, answer their questions and be tolerant of their nervousness in order for them to begin to like school. We said that when children reach the age to start school, they will be stepping into a learning environment different than their home. The school environment is vital in terms of childrens development. What do children encounter at school? (Listen to the answers.) They encounter a structured work environment where they will acquire new knowledge and skills, rules that have to be obeyed, friends, and teachers. Childrens environment, which previously consisted of their mother, father and sibling(s), suddenly expands. Their teacher begins to occupy a significant place in their lives. What do you think are the similarities between you and teachers, or school and

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

home? (Listen to the answers.) The teachers at school and the parents at home all take care of children and want only the best for them. They prepare an environment that will support childrens development. At home, parents act as their childrens first teachers and teach their children many skills and behaviors they approve of. At school, teachers take over this job. They teach children how to read and write, and many other skills, rules, and new information. From that point on, your responsibilities regarding your childrens education are shared with their teacher. The highest expectation teachers and parents have of children is for them to be successful at school and in life. Now let us do an exercise together. Game: (Invite a volunteer over and give her a pencil and a sheet of paper; from a nontransparent bag or purse take out items such as a pen, lipstick, glasses, wallet, barrettes, etc [15 to 20 items]. Ask her to look at these items for about 10 seconds, then hide them and ask her to write down the ones she remembers. Next, call over 3 people from the group and show them the same items for the same duration of time then hide them again and ask all three to write down the items they remember. Expected outcome: Three people will remember the names of more items compared to just one person. Ask them which group had a hard time or remembered the items more easily.) As you also just experienced, two heads (in this case, three) are better than one. You had a hard time when it was just the one of you, but when there was a group of you, the task became much easier to deal with. This is why joining forces and collaborating with teachers will not only make our job easier, but we will also have taken preventive measures against many potential problems in terms of our childrens success. PARENTS

TEACHER What do you understand from collaborating with the teacher or the school? (Listen to the answers.) Usually the first thing that comes to mind is the parent-teacher conferences where you learn about how your children are doing at school. Parent-teacher conferences are one way of going to the school and getting information about your children. However, there may be many other subjects and ways you can collaborate with your childs teacher. Now let us work through a small group exercise to consider how and on what topics we can collaborate with teachers and the school. (Split the group into 2, give each group the question, How and on what topics can we collaborate with teachers and the school? and assess the results. Follow the sequence below.)

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

As you also said; It is important to regularly attend the parent-teacher conferences at school. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) Do you attend the parent-teacher conferences organized at your childs school? (Listen to the answers.) I see some of you do and some of you do not. (Ask the ones that frequently attend these conferences.) Contacting your childrens teacher while your children are not experiencing any problems is one of the best means of establishing a good relationship with them. If contact between the school-teacher and parents is infrequent or non-existent, both parties may erroneously interpret the silence of the other party either as lack of interest or as all is well. And what are the benefits of participating in these conferences? (Listen to the answers.) 1. You learn about how your children are doing in their class. 2. You obtain information as to what the school expects of you. 3. You form a closer relationship with the teacher. 4. You are able to follow your childrens development and learning progress. 5. You obtain information about the activities done at school. 6. You have the chance to meet the parents of your childrens friends. We just saw how beneficial it is for you and your children that you attend these conferences. It would be a good idea to think about what makes it difficult or prevents you from participating in these conferences, and consider how to eliminate them. What are some things that generally prevent us from going to these conferences? (Get the answers from the mothers.) Does the time of the conference not suit you, or do you dislike the discussed topics? After you determine the problems that come to the fore, you can work with the school to find a way to eliminate them. In addition to parent-teacher conferences; You can volunteer to organize certain activities at the school. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) What kinds of volunteer work could you participate in? (Ask the mothers.) You can organize a field trip on the weekend to the zoo or the theater, or a picnic. You can assist teachers on many aspects, such as acquiring the theater tickets or arranging transportation to the theater. You can organize a tree-planting activity or a school fte. Are any of you involved in such activities? (Acknowledge the ones that do, encourage the ones that dont to give it a try.) You can assist teachers in educational activities they require support for during the school day. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) What kinds of educational activities could you participate in? (Ask the mothers.) For example, some of you here have various different professions. We can enlist your help when we are covering topics on different professions. For instance if there are any nurses among you, you could tell us about the nursing profession, any police officers can enlighten us about the police force. Children will be able to ask you questions and learn more about these professions. Also (for preschool classrooms) you can bring any leftover materials to class and help enrich our daily activities. These materials can be fabric or buttons you will
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

not use, or used toilet paper rolls, etc. During reading activities in the classroom, you can help teachers by reading the storybook to the children and asking them questions. You can assist teachers during play activities that take place in the garden. You can assist teachers or the school administration with your handicrafts skills in meeting the materials needs of classrooms. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) To the extent that your professions and time allows, you can provide support for instance by sewing curtains for the classroom, helping in the creation of a puppet corner, or contributing to cooking and preparing meals. You can participate in the family support programs and meetings organized at the school. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) Presently, you are attending the mother support program being conducted at this school. What do we discuss during these meetings? (Listen to the answers.) Information is provided on topics such as child-rearing, child discipline, childrens health and healthcare within the context of the program; you discuss your experiences and try to apply what you have learned in your relationships with your children and husbands. How do you think this program benefits the collaboration between the school and parents? (Listen to the answers.) In addition to your children, you also acquire new information and skills via the school. Since you come to the school more frequently, you are more in contact with teachers. Because you are interested in and value your childrens education, teachers begin to show an increased interest as well. This, in turn, impacts your childrens school success. You can take part in organizations of the school such as the Parent-Teacher Association and School Protection Association, and try to have a say in the decisions taken within the school system; you can also support fund-raising efforts. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) Schools have organizations such as parent-teacher associations and school protection associations. Parents that are members of the Parent-Teacher Association conduct various activities geared toward the needs of the school and the students. These activities are usually ones aiming to raise funds for the school, such as the organization of ftes, concerts, or dinners. These activities are carried out in collaboration with the School Protection Association of the school that functions under the associations act. In your case, however, instead of providing financial support, you can participate in these activities and have a more prominent role in the decisions taken within the education system of the school, since you are the ones who can assess your childrens needs the best. Also, according to the needs of the children and the parents, experts are invited to the school to impart information to parents; on special weeks, such as the National Book Week, books fairs can be organized. This can also be a way to conduct activities that aim to sensitize children to good reading habits. You can also participate in and contribute to these activities, or assist in directing the contributions of others in ways that will have positive impact on education. Collaborating with the school and observing what is being done there is one of your most fundamental rights. How do you think your children will be impacted by your collaboration with the school? (Listen to the answers.) Since the attitudes of the family and the school will be the samebecause you will be applying what you learned at school in your relationship with your chil-

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

drenyou will have an opportunity to get to know and help your childrens development. This makes what children learn, more permanent. Collaborating with teachers the moment children start school makes it easier to generate solutions to many potential problems. When children see their family taking an active interest in them, this boosts their self-confidence as well. When parents are involved in their childrens education from a young age, children are more successful at school and get higher grades. This success continues throughout their schooling. Childrens attendance rates, attitudes toward school and behavior improve. You participate in all these activities with the aim of making a positive contribution to your childrens development. But have you considered that you might also undergo certain changes as a result of participating in these activities; how does this make you feel? (Listen to the answers.) You will have contributed to the development of not only your own child, but other children as well. These activities lead to your acceptance of the school more. All the contributions made result in the continuity of childrens development in a positive direction. They help to enrich your knowledge on child development. You learn about the structure and functioning of the institution, your expectations from the school increase and you learn about what you can demand from the school. You are able to take measures against problems concerning child development and can discuss these methods face-to-face. Providing support to such activities also helps boost peoples self-confidence. We talked about the positive effects of collaboration between parents and the school, primarily on your children, then on you. In addition to what we just said, all collaborative efforts have a positive effect on teachers as well. In other words, they help teachers to get to know and understand the family and the child better. It is very important for teachers to know the parents discipline style, the parent-child relationships and how parents treat the child in order for them to understand, assess and monitor children. Research conducted on this issue has shown that teachers enjoy their profession more and that their relationships with parents are improved and enriched when parents participate in a given activity. Teachers did not limit their involvement to conveying information, but shared more with the parents and used more sophisticated methods when doing their job. As you can see, your contributions are very valuable and benefit your children, yourself, and even your childrens teachers. Establishing positive relationships between the school and the parents is only possible through mutual, effective communication. And that requires mutual respect, trust, sincerity, active listening, and voicing problems if and when we have any. However, at times the school may pursue activities that you disapprove of, or wish to change. Can you come up with any examples; have you ever encountered any difficulties? (Listen to the answers.) For example: Tuition may be too much; the school canteen may be selling unhealthy foods; the schools administrators and teachers may be applying measures you consider too harsh; you may want the school tested for earthquake resistance, etc.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

Let us now do an exercise about what you can do in such situations to make your voices heard. (Split the large group into smaller groups of 4 or 5, ask them to discuss this issue in the small groups and if necessary to select a group reporter to make a note of the possible solutions they came up with. Remind them that they have 10 minutes. After the groups finish the exercise, they discuss their solutions in the large group.) Tips for the Group Leader: The small groups might say what can we do, there is nothing we can do. If you get responses like this, say, United, we are stronger, Desired outcomes may be possible if the majority concurs, Lets hear what the other groups have to say, do any of you have other opinions or possible solutions, lets discuss what may be possible, and continue to listen to the opinions of the other groups. If you get responses like, I would speak with the principal, or I would apply to the National Education County Directorate, ask them How would you consider expressing the problem; on your own or would you join forces with the other parents? To those that state they would go on their own, ask Applying to higher authorities and expressing ourselves may be one solution, but do you think a speedy response will be possible unless you join forces? To those that state they would express the problem by joining forces with the other parents, ask which method they would use.) Now let us rank the possible solutions you came up with and discuss how we might express our problem to the higher authorities, which steps can we take in which order to resolve the issue. (Write the underlined sections on the board.) 1. First, we need to come together with parents that agree with our line of thinking. Coming together will ensure that different ideas and opinions are discussed. 2. We need to determine our problem and what we aim to do about it accurately. If our aim is not correct and accurate, the group may dissolve during the later stages of our efforts. We may not reach our target. We may not be able to express ourselves and the damage this problem causes us. Defining the subject accurately shows us how to communicate our problem to the relevant authority. In doing so, keep these 3 points in mind: Who are you trying to reach with this problem? What is the outcome you wish to attain? What is it that you expect the person you convey your problem to, to do? 3. Prepare a time plan. Determine a set time period in which you wish to reach your goal. 4. Know the person or the administrative structure of the organization that you are planning on conveying your problem to, well. For example; do you plan on applying to the principal, or to the National Education Director? Accessing the principal might be easy, but since you cannot access the National Education Director anytime you may wish to, explore who you may have to speak with first to reach them. 5. Collect information and examples in relation to the issue. Having evidence pertaining to the issue that is creating a problem will augment your credibility. Evidence can be in the form of newspaper clippings, hospital reports if it is a health issue, results obtained by other schools if the same issue was raised elsewhere, etc. 6. Select which communication methods you will use. Select the communications methods are the most suitable to the issue you will raise. For example: face-to-face meetings or writing a letter, etc.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

7. Prepare a working calendar that shows how and when all relevant activities will be undertaken. Collaborate with the parents you are working together with and delegate responsibility. For example: who will examine the newspaper, who will get appointments, who will organize the meetings to assess the completed work, where will the meetings be held, when will the activities be realized, etc. 8. Once activities begin, they must be monitored. In order to ensure the continuity of the undertaken efforts, it is important to monitor them regularly. Meetings held at certain intervals with the relevant people will also work to remind them that you consider this issue to be important. Only through systematic efforts like these will it be possible to make your voices heard and make the big changes you desire, a reality. Let us review what we just said by discussing an example. Let us say that you noticed foods that were unhygienic or past their expiry dates being sold at the school canteen. Your child bought something from the canteen and because it was unhygienic, was poisoned and received treatmentthis not only hurt you financially, but your child had to miss school and was ill. You appealed to the canteen on your own, but got no results. Considering what we have been talking about, how can we apply what we discussed to this example? (Listen to the answers.) The first thing that needs to be done is to come together with other parents that suffered the same harm. You aim: To get the canteen to change in a month. You are of the opinion that the principal can take care of the problem. So you decide to interview teachers, and members of the parent-teacher association and the school protection association. Collect information on the subject. Hospital and doctors reports of other children that fell ill; teachers views of the children due to missed school days; hospital costs (your financial losses); relevant newspaper clippings (if any); reports on the negative effect of unhygienic foods on childrens development After all the research has been conducted, the next step will be to make an appointment with the principal and to visit the principal on behalf of all the other parents (you will need to collect signatures from the other parents to show you have backers and that the majority is supporting you). Once sufficient time to allow the principal to investigate the allegations has passed, visit the principal at regular intervals to learn about any favorable or unfavorable developments. These visits or phone calls will show the principal that you consider this issue to be important and are following up on it. As you can see, this method is quite difficult to implement. You need to spend time and energy on issues you experience problems with. However, once what you set out to do has been accomplished, the achieved gains in terms of your children and yourself make it all very much worth it.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

Plan and sharing: (Distribute the Take Home Worksheet.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) This week we talked about how important it was for the child that you collaborate with your childrens teachers at school. We discussed how you could participate in activities at school, and how to overcome problems by joining forces, if and when they arise. How will you communicate what we talked about today to your husbands, families, and other parents in your communities? What will you tell them, what comes to mind? (Listen to the answers.) Do we have any volunteers that would like to begin? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing. If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

BOARD PLAN
SCHOOL-PARENT COLLABORATION FOR SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN

Things to Do to Promote School-Parent Collaboration: Attend parent-teacher conferences, Volunteer to organize certain activities at the school, Assist teachers in classroom activities, Provide assistance with our handicraft skills to meet material needs in the classroom, Attend the family support programs offered at the school, Participate in the organizations at school (Parent-Teacher Associations, School Protection Associations), support fund-raising efforts.

Things to Do When You Have a Problem with the School: Come together with other parents, Set your target, Make a time plan, Know well the person or the administrative structure of the institution you will go to, Collect information and examples in relation to the issue, Select channels of communication, Prepare a working calendar, Follow up.

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School-Parent Collaboration for Successful Children

HANDOUT 1: SCHOOL-PARENT COLLABORATION FOR SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN Dear Parents, Things You Can Do to Promote School-Parent Collaboration You must attend parent-teacher conferences You can volunteer to organize certain activities at the school You can assist teachers in classroom activities You can provide assistance with your handicraft skills to meet material needs in the classroom You can attend the family support programs offered at the school You can participate in the organizations at school (Parent-Teacher Associations, School Protection Associations), and support fund-raising efforts.

Things You Can Do When You Have a Problem with the School: Come together with other parents, Set your target, Make a time plan, Know well the person or the administrative structure of the institution you will go to, Collect information and examples in relation to the issue, Select your communication method depending on how you plan on finalizing the problem, Prepare a working calendar, Follow up.

WORK HAND IN HAND WITH TEACHERS TO PROMOTE THE HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT AND SCHOLASTIC SUCCESS OF YOUR CHILDREN

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WOMEN (1): HOW WOMEN CAN USE THEIR TIME EFFECTIVELY AND GENERATE AN INCOME FROM HANDICRAFTS

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Inform mothers how they can use their time efficiently, Inform mothers about working at a job where they can generate an income, Inform mothers about womens organizations that provide support to women on job opportunities, Sensitize mothers to the environment and their community. HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: WOMENS ORGANIZATIONS THAT PROVIDE SUPPORT TO WOMEN CONCERNING WORK OPPORTUNITIES HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (1): How Women can Use Their Time Effectively and Generate an Income from Handicrafts

WOMEN (1): HOW WOMEN CAN USE THEIR TIME EFFECTIVELY AND GENERATE AN INCOME FROM HANDICRAFTS
Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother to begin the discussion For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do? Did your husband or anyone else help you? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.) Today, we will talk about womenabout ourselves and problems specific to us. Our society places many responsibilities on womens shoulders. Women have always been primarily viewed as a SPOUSE, a MOTHER, and a HOUSEWIFE rather than being accepted as individuals in their own right. These responsibilities place great physical and psychological burdens on women. What are some of the duties expected of women in their role as mothers? (Listen to the answers.) As mothers, women must manage childrens care, health, discipline, and education. Society (our community) considers these tasks as naturally being the obligation of women and expects us to fulfill them fully and in the best way possible. We work very hard to fulfill these tasks. We try hard to be perfect mothers. And often, we think we are not doing a good job of being a mother, and feel sad and guilty. We are held responsible especially for the care and discipline of our children, and if anything goes wrong, we are the first one to be blamed. We have been coming together at these meetings primarily to address your responsibilities as mothers. All your efforts, your participation in these discussions were aimed at finding ways to contribute positively to your childrens development, in other words, to raise them in better conditions and share your experiences with other mothers that have a child more or less the same age. We discussed your experiences and problems here, trying to find solution together, as a group. However, in addition to our duties as mothers, we also have many other responsibilities in relation to our role as housewives. What are some of the duties expected of women in their role as housewives? (Listen to the answers.) Domestic tasks including cleaning the house, the laundry, the dishes, the ironing, the cooking, and grocery shopping are all considered womens work. There are no set hours to the womans workday. Your husband works outside the home for specific periods of time, then says he is tired when he comes home and settles down to rest. However, womens work is never done; once the cleaning is done you start preparing dinner, when dinner is ready you go over your childrens homework. When children wake up during the night, it is once again considered your responsibility to take care of them. In

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (1): How Women can Use Their Time Effectively and Generate an Income from Handicrafts

addition, if you live together with family members who are ill, or who are elderly such as your mother- or father-in-law, caring for them is your responsibility as well. These are all tasks we accept naturally, and do every day, that have no end. However, when asked what we do, we often say I dont work, Im a housewife. But as we just saw, we actually work all day long. Now try to imagine if all the work we do was not done. What would our homes be like, then? (Listen to the answers.) First of all, the house would become filthy, there would be nothing clean left to wear, and nothing to eat. Now imagine hiring someone to clean the house, sending all the laundry to the dry cleaners, ordering take-outs for every meal, and having the children cared for by nannies all day long. What do you think about such a household? (Listen to the answers.) It seems very funny and ridiculous to even think about it, but if we did live like that imagine how much it would all cost, and who knows what would become of our family budget! If you look at your efforts from this perspective, you will see that you make a significant input into the family budget and how tiring and difficult a job you actually accomplish. Sometimes you feel consumed by your efforts, that these tasks start over again and again every day. Can an exhausted, weary, tired person who has no time for herself be happy and healthy? (Listen to the answers.) She cannot be happy or healthy; and women who are unhappy and unhealthy will not be able to achieve what they want neither for themselves, nor for their family. So, how might you be able to spend your time and energy more effectively? (Listen to the answers, discuss with the mothers how they might allocate less time to housework in line with the information given below and write the underlined sections on the board.) Set your targets with good planning. It is unnecessary to spread out housework over the course of the whole day. Just as women employed outside the home have to fit in all the housework into 2 to 3 hours a day, women that are not employed can also set aside a portion of their day for housework. If you plan the housework just like your children do before they start their homework, and say, First Ill do the cleaning, and then do the grocery shopping, then you will know what to do when. Be realistic in setting this target. Do not overburden yourself, but do get the necessary work done. Do the housework in moderation and avoid cleaning the house excessively. You can dust and mop the floors every other day instead of on a daily basis; or some items can be used without being ironed (such as quilt-cases and towels). After you wash the dishes, leave them to air-dry instead of drying them. Get family members thinking about helping one another as a family and establish a division of labor. This might help women to lighten their load somewhat. In our culture there is the idea and tradition that housework should be done only by women. So changing this misconception is up to us as women. You may need to ask family members for assistance,
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (1): How Women can Use Their Time Effectively and Generate an Income from Handicrafts

share your distress concerning housework, and spend effort to establish a division of labor. There are tasks that can be done by everyone in the household. For example: everyone can make their own bed, fold and put away their laundry, take the trash out, and contribute to setting and clearing the table or preparing the food. Family members can help you not only with chores pertaining to them, but with tasks concerning common areas as well. However, these chores should be done by the same people every day, so that mothers can feel at ease, knowing they are getting done. This will allow women to make better use of their time and feel more energetic since they will not be as tired. Now, let us say you created some free time for yourself. What do you do in your free time? (Listen to the answers and summarize what they said.) Getting together with the neighbors, house-visits, doing handicrafts and watching TV are the activities done most frequently when you have free time. How can you use this short period of time left over from the housework in the most efficient and beneficial way? (Listen to the answers.) Activities that you do should be geared towards self-improvement. You could read a newspaper, a book; you could discuss current events or things happening in your community when you get together with your neighbors. You could be more selective when watching TV and choose to watch news and discussion programs. It is up to us to enlighten and improve ourselves; all we need is to want to do so, only then will we make enough time to make it happen. The more we learn and improve, the more self-confident and aware individuals we will become. All these points are things you can do to plan your lives at home and make better use of your time, even though you may not be employed outside the home. Now let us talk about how your lives would be affected if you were employed somewhere (earned your living). Have any of you ever worked at a job, how did having a job contribute to who you are? (If any group members ever worked at a job, listen to the answers.) Those of you that never worked at a job, what do you think, would you like to work a job, why? (Listen to the answers.) Now let us summarize what you all said: Let us again discuss what it would mean to work at a job and have an income of your own. (Listen to the answers, if any points are raised other than the ones below, discuss that as well and add it to the discussion.) First of all, you would contribute to the household budget, which would allow your family to lead a more comfortable life. You would have health insurance and a pension plan from the Social Services Agency. You would have the chance to spend your income as you wished. You would have the chance to meet new people when you worked outside the home. This way you would learn about the different views and ideas of these people.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (1): How Women can Use Their Time Effectively and Generate an Income from Handicrafts

Research shows that women participate in decision-making processes at home more effectively when they work at a paying job. These gains are all a boost to a persons self-confidence. Have any of you wanted to work at a job outside the home? What are some of the obstacles you came across? (Listen to the answers, write down the difficulties voiced by the group on the board; either explain how these difficulties may be overcome if listed under one of the headings below, if not, ask the group how they may be resolved.) Now let us generate solutions together concerning these difficulties. One of the largest obstacles you might encounter is your literacy and education level. Certain organizations working on womens issues (such as the Mother Child Education Foundation, the Association for the Support of Contemporary Living, and Womens Solidarity Foundation) or Public Education Centers of the Ministry of National Education offer adult literacy courses. For support on this issue, you can apply to organizations like these if there are any in your community or to Public Education Centers. It is also possible to obtain your primary or secondary school equivalency diploma by studying for the exams without attending school. If you do decide to get your equivalency diploma, you can also ask your older children that go to school to help you. It would give them great joy to provide you such support. Not having anyone at home to take care of the children. Just like you did so as to be able to attend this course, you can get help from your neighbors or extended family (i.e. your mother, mother-in-law, or sister). Many factories and businesses have nurseries for young children (businesses that employ 100 to 150 women are required by law to run a childcare center or a nursery); you can also take advantage of such benefits offered by your employer. Childbirth. Childbirth creates one of the largest problems for working mothers or mothers who wish to work. According to labor laws, it is the right of every mother to take six weeks maternity leave both prior to and after childbirth, and take time off to breastfeed their babies after they have returned to work. Additionally, during the first trimester of your pregnancy, you have the right to undergo checkups and treatment by the doctor of the workplace, worker-health medical centers, or in places where these are not available, at the closest Social Services Institution health facilities and their physicians, medical centers, or state or municipality doctors. You can also once again collaborate with your mother or mother-in-law after you return to work regarding the care of your baby. Not having any skills. Another problem women that want to work at a paying job often face is not having any skills. How do you think you might resolve this problem? (Listen to the answers.) You could apply to organizations that provide support to women regarding work
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (1): How Women can Use Their Time Effectively and Generate an Income from Handicrafts

opportunities and generate an income from handicrafts. These organizations will guide you as to what you may be able to do (Distribute and go over Handout 1, which details organizations that provide support to women regarding work opportunities. If the organizations listed do not exist in the province you live in, explore the relevant existing organization(s) and inform the group about how they may contact them.) Also, you may also apply to the capacity-building courses offered at Public Education Centers and again contact these organizations to see how you can put these new skills to use. Demands of your husband or family, the fact that they do not allow you to work. How do you think this problem might be solved? (Listen to the answers.) You can try to talk to your husband or family, and try to convince them that your working will be beneficial for you and your family. If you state that you have dealt with all of the problems we listed above (such as childcare) and explain what you will be doing at work or provide information on the workplace (when he gets to know the organization you will be employed at or your employer), your husband will probably not object. Let us say you were not able to resolve the issues we have just been talking about. What kinds of work can you do from home? (Listen to the answers.) Although you may think you have no specific skills, you actually have one great skill. You are all mothers, you all have at least one child, and some of you have more than one. How can you use this skill at home, apart from with your own children? (Listen to the answers.) You can provide childcare at home; the certificate you will receive at the end of this program can be a reliable and credible source on childcare. Moreover, the children you will care for at home will become friends with your children. Some of the institutions listed in the handout on institutions that provide job opportunities for women I distributed earlier provide assistance in generating an income for homemade dishes or embroidery, crocheting, flower-making, and wood-painting. You can apply to these organizations for assistance, or in order to generate an income from your products make a contract with a workplace in your vicinity or arrange to have them sold in the local market. Another way of using your time efficiently is to sew for people in your community. All these possibilities are geared toward spending time effectively as an individual apart from being a mother or wife, to thus create something and turn what you have created into an income. Every new thing we undertake teaches you something new. As we learn new things we become more and more knowledgeable, we find the opportunity for self-improvement, and that enables you to become enlightened individuals. While you are doing all these things we talked about, you should also be concerned about what is going on around you and care for your community. As informed, enlightened individuals, what kind of changes can we made in our environment? (If there is no answer from the group, do not wait but discuss the topics below.) (Write the underlined sections on the board.) You need to be concerned about what is going on around you and care for your community. Protect your streets, boulevards, apartment blocks from trash; try to get holes and wells on construction sites to be covered up; spend effort to make

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (1): How Women can Use Their Time Effectively and Generate an Income from Handicrafts

these happen. Oppose the destruction of any green areas in your community; on the contrary, spend joint effort to create green areas. In this way we can be people who follow the events that occur around them. Take joint action with like-minded people when you are engaged in activities involving your community. In efforts to care for your environment, you need to come together with people that think like you. On issues you want to see change in your community, you may at times feel alone, you may think, I cant accomplish anything on my own, I wont be able to make my voice heard. Joining forces and coming together with like-minded people when you wish to cause significant changes not only gives us strength, it also makes it easier to make your voice heard. You should always be able to demand service from the people that govern us (your village headmen, mayors, etc.) Take an interest in what is happening in our country, across the world, and in your community; follow current events. What do you do to follow current events? (Listen to the answers.) Read newspapers: Read not only the gossip pages on the newspaper but all of it, including the sections on the economy and politics. Watch the news, documentaries and discussion programs on TV. Vote: When you cast vote, consider it as completely independent of your husband and community. All women are individuals in their own right, and their political opinions do not have to conform to the opinions of other people. Also, keeping in mind how women influence the household budget, it is important that they be aware of economic policies and the status of inflation. Be informed about the organizations in your community and participate in their activities as a volunteer. Be informed about the organizations that are active in your community. You are the ones who know best the needs of the community in which you live. This way you can support the work these organizations do, participate in volunteer activities and direct these activities to need areas. You will also have an opportunity to meet different people. You can exchange ideas with these people and try to learn new things from one another. As a consumer, be careful about the products you buy. For example, always check the production and expiration dates of prepackaged foods. If you have bought any items past their expiration date, return them to where you bought them from and caution that place of business not to sell such items. Concerning goods other than foods, such as clothing or household appliances, make sure you read their user manuals well and if you have any complaints, lodge them at the place you bought the item from.

Plan and sharing: (Distribute Handout 2, the Take Home Worksheet). (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) What are your thoughts on what we discussed today, on using your time more efficiently and working at a job, or if that is not possible, on making a profit from home through handicrafts; how will you communicate these issues to your husbands, families and neighbors? Would you share with us in the next meeting the things you plan on doing? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (1): How Women can Use Their Time Effectively and Generate an Income from Handicrafts

terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing this week on the home handout I distributed, it will be easier for you to share with us next week what you did (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

BOARD PLAN
HOW WOMEN CAN USE THEIR TIME EFFICIENTLY AND GENERATE AN INCOME FROM HANDICRAFTS

Things that must be done to use time efficiently; Set your targets with good planning, Do the housework in moderation and avoid excessive cleaning, Establish a system of helping one another in the family and a division of labor. Changes you can initiate in your community; Be concerned about what is going on around you and care for your community. Join forces with like-minded people. Be aware of what is happening around you. Read newspapers Vote Be informed about the organizations in your community and participate in volunteer activities Be careful about the goods you buy.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

HANDOUT 1: WOMENS ORGANIZATIONS THAT PROVIDE SUPPORT TO WOMEN CONCERNING WORK OPPORTUNITIES Dear Parents, Directorate General on the Status and Problems of Women / Ankara Phone: 0 (312) 419 29 79 A phone hotline you can call from anywhere in Turkey for advice on problems specific to women. You can call the hotline 24 hours a day; if you call in the evening, you leave a message on their voicemail and they contact you the next day. Services Offered: Psychological counseling, information on legal issues, consultancy services for women that want to work for an income. Womens Solidarity Foundation (KADAV) / Istanbul Phone: 0 (212) 251 58 50 A variety of courses are offered at the social centers of the foundation, from literacy lessons geared toward an elementary school diploma, to computer skills. Psychological and legal counseling are also offered. They have two workshops; one is a candle/ textiles cooperative, and the other is a carpet-weaving workshop run in collaboration with Soroptimists. In 2003 in Izmit, a permanent facility aiming to teach women skills applicable for the labor force will be opening its doors. Classes on technical, production and skill-development (electrical water plumbing systems, painting and whitewashing, etc.) are to be offered. Contemporary Women and Youth Foundation / Ankara Phone: 0 (312) 364 53 48 Classes offered include handicrafts, carpet weaving, and sewing/embroidery. You can phone the Foundation to obtain more information about the classes, and attend them at the Foundation. Class tutors come from the National Ministry of Education. You obtain a certificate upon completion of the course. Psychological and legal counseling services are also available. Training is provided on legal and health issues. The Foundation aims to assist women to express themselves. Canakkale Association to Value Womens Handiwork / Canakkale Phone: 0 (286) 214 11 42 After visiting the Association and meeting the group you must attend the Womens Human Rights Education Program. The Association assists women in generating an income from the items they produce at home. Developing skills such as lacework, jewelry and tie-dye in groups of 10 to 15, and generating a supplemental income through these means are among the activities carried out at the Association. Degirmendere Cooperative to Support Women, Environment, Culture, and Management Phone: 0 (262) 426 68 39 The cooperative is still currently operating in a cafeteria, and assists its members in selling foodstuffs prepared at home at festivals and fairs so as to generate an income. They are also trying to rent a shop for the direct sale of these foods. Bornova Center for Womens Social and Cultural Solidarity / Izmir Phone: 0 (232) 347 01 82 Fatma Erdogru Classes are offered in woodworking, patchwork, drawing and painting so as to help you find a job and contribute to the household budget. Literacy courses are also offered at the Pinarbasi School in conjunction with the Bornova Public Education Center, and a library is also being built here.
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Womens Education and Culture Foundation / Istanbul Phone: 0 (212) 632 69 77 Literacy, computers, first aid, secretarial skills, enunciation, and hairdressing classes are offered free-of-charge, geared toward getting a job. Seminars on health are also organized. Gaziosmanpasa Womens Culture and Aid Foundation / Istanbul Phone: 0 (212) 564 13 66, Fax: 0 (212) 578 35 35 The foundation organizes fairs in the local area where you can generate an income from your handicrafts. The fair is publicized a month beforehand via cloth banners hung in the district center and announcements hung up in the windows of workplaces. You can send your requests and questions to the fax number above. Mother-Child Education Foundation / Istanbul, Ankara, Gaziantep, Samsun, Izmir, Diyarbakr Istanbul Phone: 0 (212) 234 02 00 Functional Literacy Program (FALP): An opportunity for those who never learned to read or write! Free-of-charge literacy courses! Learn to read and write, as well as how to use the learned information most effectively in your daily life. These skills will help you secure employment outside the home. Mother-Child Education Program (MOCEP): If your child has a full year to go before school (i.e. is around 5-years-old), you can attend the Mother-Child Education Program. This program is also free-of-charge and offers an opportunity for you to raise your child better, as well as information concerning questions you might have in relation to yourselves as women. Foundation to Value Womens Work / Istanbul Phone: 0 (212) 249 07 00 The main office of the Foundation is in Istanbul, and their primary objective is to develop, implement and expand services that will open the way for women to participate on all levels of societal life, and make more widespread childcare and education services that women need. Services offered to women are to make childcare homes more widespread, open womens rooms, conduct community-mother activities, provide micro-credit to women, and run the Karabiber Natural Foods Center. Umraniye Womens Center / Istanbul Phone: 0 (216) 335 33 45 There are classes geared toward acquiring skills for the labor market such as textile painting and kilim weaving, as well as seminars for imparting information and consciousness-raising. Every fortnight on Saturdays, meetings are organized on issues according to womens desires and needs (i.e. lawyers, gynecologists). This center, which may be viewed as an example for a similar initiative within your own area, will never abandon you to problems you may be having, and even if they may not come up with a solution themselves, they will most certainly point you in the right direction.

Taken from the Women for Womens Human Rights New Ways Trainer Training Manual.

PEOPLE WHO ARE EXHAUSTED, WEARY, TIRED, AND UNABLE TO PUT TIME ASIDE FOR THEMSELVES CANNOT BE HAPPY; A WOMAN WHO IS UNHAPPY AND UNHEALTHY CANNOT ACCOMPLISH WHAT SHE WANTS NEITHER FOR HERSELF, NOR FOR HER FAMILY.
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WOMEN (2): WOMEN WITHIN THE FAMILY

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Inform mothers about their civil rights HANDOUTS: HANDOUT 1: WHERE CAN I APPLY TO LEARN ABOUT MY RIGHTS? HANDOUT 2: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (2): Women Within the Family

WOMEN (2): WOMEN WITHIN THE FAMILY


Observation and Discussion: (Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother to contribute to the discussion. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do? Did your husband or anyone else help you? What had you said you would do, were you able to actually do them, and if not, what prevented you? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.) Our Civil Code is a fundamental piece of legislation that concerns us all; it regulates the private lives and relationships of all citizens from birth until death. The Civil Code regulates our rights and responsibilities pertaining to issues including the establishment of marriages, the rights of individuals in cases of divorce, inheritance rights in cases of death, adoption and paternity suits. Because laws have been written in official language, they can be very difficult for us to understand and can seem extremely complicated. In fact, because we are unable to understand the law we are usually unaware of our rights, which can often result in our ending up the injured party. Our Civil Code was ratified in 1926, and amended on January 1, 2002. Today we will talk about the legislation that affects out family life. People usually get married to settle down, live with the person they love, or have children. As we take steps toward marriage, we hope to share all responsibilities, all difficulties with our spouse. Let us now examine our rights from the time we establish our own family, meaning from the marriage decision onwards. We sometimes hear of people getting married at 15-16 years of age. What kinds of problems might occur from getting married at a young age? (Listen to the answers.) Problems could arise when people get married at a young age. Since young people have not yet reached a level of maturity required to run a household and establish a new households, they end up having to shoulder a heavy burden during the first years of marriage. This can eat away at the marriage. Do you know of anyone that was married at an early age and experienced these types of difficulties; what difficulties did they experience, would anyone like to share what they remember with us? (Listen to the answers, if anyone does share what they remember, once they are done emphasize that these difficulties could have resulted from the fact that these people were young and not yet mature.) According to the law, men and women can marry, with the consent of their parents or guardians, when they turn 17. A judge may permit 16-year-olds to marry in the presence of extraordinary circumstances. Marriage is forbidden between people that have a close kinships bond, for instance aunts and uncles cannot marry nephews and nieces, and adopted children cannot marry anyone from the adoptee family. In the case of divorce, it is also forbidden for ex-spouses to marry each their daughters-in-law and sons-in-law.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (2): Women Within the Family

You have all been through it so you know, what are the procedures that must be taken prior to a marriage? (Listen to the answers.) The man and woman who want to get married jointly apply to the marriage registry office in regions that have municipalities, if not, to the village headman, with documents that show (a health report documenting that neither one of carries an illness that would prevent marriage) there is nothing that prevents them from getting married. The marriage ceremony is conducted within six months of the application date, at a marriage registry or some other desired venue, by a marriage registry official, in front of witnesses. Although culturally the man is accepted to be the head of the household, once the marriage ceremony has been conducted, EQUALITY PREVAILS between the spouses. (Write the underlined section on the board.) The rules of this equality may be listed as follows; Spouses jointly decide on issues necessary for the continuity of the family union, including the house they will live in, the process of renting or selling a house, and the discipline and care of their children. Women take the last name of their husband. If they wish, they are free to use their own last name together with their husbands last name. Spouses do not need to obtain permission from one another in order to work outside the home. However, the harmony and welfare of the family union is to be kept in mind in the selection of a profession or trade. Spouses are considered inheritors of one another. With the exception of death, the marriage union can be dissolved only if so declared by a judge. These are how things stand in the eyes of the law. However, do you think a union based on a religious marriage is legally valid; can the rights and responsibilities of marriage be shared if the marriage is a religious one? (Listen to the answers.) According to the law, a religious marriage ceremony can only be held after the official marriage ceremony, and is optional. A religious wedding ceremony does not confer any legally binding rights or responsibilities to the parties involved. (Write the underlined section on the board.) Couples that consider themselves married after a religious marriage ceremony has taken place are in fact not considered married in the eyes of the law. They are seen merely as two people living together. These two people will not qualify as legal inheritors of one another. If one of the people involved leaves the home, even if for unjust and groundless reasons, this is sufficient for separation. Since there is no marriage, a legal divorce is also out of the question. Damages and alimony cannot be demanded. Children, if any, are considered to have been born out of wedlock. They cannot qualify for their fathers last name, estate, or guardianship. For children to qualify for these rights, the father either has to legally recognize his children, or be ordered to do so via a court ruling. In cases where spouses are unable to continue living together, one of them, the woman or the man, can file for divorce. Many reasons, including the termination of love and respect between the spouses, irreconcilable differences, desertion, adultery, intent to kill, use of violence against one another, taking away the womans income, humiliating one another, and committing a humiliating crime, are considered suitable grounds for divorce. If these grounds can be proven, the judge will rule to divorce the spouses.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (2): Women Within the Family

Arguments regarding custody of the children and the division of property often arise in the aftermath of divorce. When ruling on which parent shall have custody of the children, the judge keeps the childrens best interests in mind. In the distribution of property, the judge adheres to whatever is decreed by the law. Do you know of anyone who got divorced, but received unjust treatment because they did not know their rights; what difficulties did they encounter? (Listen to the answers.) When people are talking about love, a new family, and marriage, they usually do not wish to raise issues of money and property. Women often think that if they talk about financial matters, their husbands will misunderstand them. Yet this attitude has resulted in grave problems for many people when their marriages dissolved. Now let us discuss the new legislation regarding the division of property. Spouses have a right to choose one of the PROPERTY REGIMES outlined in the Civil Code either during the wedding ceremony or by signing a contract at a notary. These property regimes are: 1) Division of property 2) Joint property 3) Division of shared property 4) Joint ownership of acquired property. If spouses do not choose a specific property regime, in the case of divorce, the judge is required by law to apply the regulations of the JOINT OWNERSHIP OF ACQUIRED PROPERTY REGIME. According to this regime, there are two types of property: - Personal property - Acquired property Personal Property: (Write the underlined section on the board.) Personal possessions such as jewelry, property accrued before marriage, and property obtained as inheritance from the family are all considered personal property. These kinds of property are only employed for personal use. In the case of divorce, they are excluded from the division of property. Acquired Property: (Write the underlined section on the board.) The new property regime, in effect since the year 2002, is called the Joint Ownership of Acquired Property Regime. What does the term acquired property mean? Properties bought, retirement pension bonuses, separation payments incurred after the establishment of the marriage union, Properties gained in return of work, meaning wages and salaries, Collected rents and incomes are called acquired property. Today, regardless of whose name is on the title deed or the receipt (license), and regardless of the date of marriage, all gifts, inheritance, etc. the family acquired after January 1, 2002 will be distributed evenly between husband and wife if the marriage is terminated. All couples married after January 1, 2002 are subject to this regime. The property acquired by couples married before January 1, 2002 is addressed in two stages:
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (2): Women Within the Family

a) Property acquired before January 1, 2002 belongs to the person that acquired it. b) Property acquired after January 1, 2002 will be evaluated under the joint ownership of acquired property regime. In the case of divorce, property acquired after the marriage is divided EQUALLY between husband and wife, based on MARKET VALUE. In other words, the sum of the market value of each property is divided equally between the two parties. For example, let us assume that the husband received a retirement pension bonus of 8,000 Turkish Liras. The wife has a title deed in her name for a shack in a shantytown, bought after January 1, 2002. It is worth 4,000 Turkish Liras. They own a refrigerator, a washing machine, and a TV set. They are worth 2,000 Turkish Liras. The total value of these properties is 4,000+8,000+2,000=14,000 Turkish Liras. The properties will be divided between the two based on a value of 7,000 Turkish Liras each, in accordance with the discretion of the judge. Our Civil Code also includes detailed, explanatory clauses. The Matter of Inheritance if One of the Spouses Dies If the surviving spouse has children, s/he receives one fourth of the estate; the children of the deceased, or their children, receive three fourths of the estate, regardless of how many children there are. If the deceased has no children but is survived by her/his parents, uncles, or aunts, the surviving spouse receives one half of the estate. The other relatives receive the other half. If none of these relatives are alive, but the grandparents and the children of the grandparents are alive, the surviving spouse receives three fourths of the estate. The other relatives receive the remaining one fourth. If there is no other heir except for the spouse, s/he receives all of the estate. The new Civil Code introduced an important provision at this point, and recognized that the surviving spouses right to continue LIVING AS BEFORE in the house resided in during the marriage union, meaning the family home, in return for their part of the inheritance, and to request the right to own the items used in that house. The marriage union, family life may not always function ideally. Spouses would like to be at least financially secure. The Civil Code includes provisions that protect the spouses regarding the family abode, meaning the house the family lives in. Let us say the house you live in is rented; neither one of the spouses can terminate the rent contract without the others consent. Moreover, regardless of which spouse owns the property, they need to obtain the consent of the other spouse when selling or mortgaging the house. If the spouse that owns the property tries to sell or mortgage the house without obtaining the consent of the other spouse, this can be prevented by having a comment added to the title deed. A comment can be added to the title deed at any time during the marriage. Sometimes, instances of VIOLENCE may occur within families. Do any of you have relatives or neighbors that were subjected to violence by their husbands, what type of violence was it, how do you think they may have felt? (Listen to the answers.)

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (2): Women Within the Family

Be it physical violence, such as beatings, or emotional violence, such as belittling or degrading a person, all types of violence leave their marks on women and children. Domestic violence causes women to lose their self-confidence, and seriously harms their relationships, productivity, as well as damaging childrens psychological and physical health. In addition to physical and emotional violence, not allowing women to work, not giving them an allowance or limiting it, taking their money away from them, threatening to beat them, using the children against them, not allowing them to see their family or friends, starting fights based on feelings of jealousy and similar actions are all considered violence as well. How do you think you could assist a woman who is suffering from domestic violence? (Listen to the answers.) The woman may approach us as a family member or as a friend or neighbor. If she comes to you with a problem related to violence, listen to her without passing judgment or shaming her. Talking about her experience will help her calm down and make her feel she is not alone. This woman can also apply to certain womens organizations, which will offer her information about her options. The law organizations and womens organizations you see on the list I distributed can guide the woman as to what she needs to do. (Distribute the handouts.) You can share this list with your friends and neighbors, and direct those who wish to learn about their rights to these organizations. There is also a law that provides decisive solutions to the issue of violence: THE LAW ON THE PROTECTION OF THE FAMILY. Used in cases of violence, it is a special law that provides for a very speedy trial. First, the person experiencing the violence (children included; if this is the case, their parent or guardian), or someone who sees or hears the violence notifies the police. This goes on record. The police station will send the woman to a physician of the state. Or the person experiencing the violence can directly go to a physician of the state or a state hospital without delay. A hospital report is obtained; the person who experienced will now be able to prove the violence. This report is conveyed to a judge via the district attorneys office. The judge, without having to see the person that experienced the violence and based only on the case file, rules the perpetrator of the violence (the husband toward the wife, the mother-in-law toward the daughter-in-law, the brother toward the sibling) to leave the home, and to surrender a weapon or similar instruments to the police. Similarly, the judge can also rule that the perpetrator cannot arrive at home under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or cannot use these substances at home. The judge warns the perpetrator that they will be arrested if they do not abide by the relevant ruling. The rulings are valid for a six month period. The rulings are monitored by police forces and local police stations. Perpetrators that act in violation of the rulings are incarcerated for a period from three to six months. If it is the woman that is experiencing the violence, in addition to filing a penal lawsuit against her husband, she can also file for divorce and for damages for psychological injury. Moreover, if women are forced to have sexual intercourse with their husband and they can prove this, they have the right to ask for a divorce or for damages for psychological injury.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (2): Women Within the Family

All the issues we discussed here today are things that can happen to any one of us, to anyone we know. How will knowing the information we just discussed affect your life? (Listen to the answers.) It is very important for us to be informed about our rights as women, because then we will know what we can do if we ever encounter such problems. We will be aware of what our obligations are. We will be able to make decisions about our lives, ourselves. As a result, our self-confidence will grow; we will establish stronger relationships with people around us. All these things will have a positive effect on us. How do you think your children will be affected from it? (Listen to the answers.) Educating children about their rights will also have its benefits; if, in the future they encounter similar problems when they are older, they will find it easier to deal with them. This is a responsibility you must take in order to help your children cope with such problems. Sharing the information you learn at our discussions and becoming more aware will also help other people, and is therefore necessary for our social development as a community as well. Plan and Sharing: (Distribute Handout 2 and the Observation Form.) (Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle.) We discussed our civil rights during our meeting today. How will you communicate this issue to your spouses, families or neighbors? Would you share with us in the next meeting the things you are planning on doing? I would like the volunteer to take this pebble into their hand and share their thoughts with us, then open their hand so whoever wants to speak next can take it from her and continue the sharing session. This way, everyone will be able to share their thoughts and ideas. (Get the mothers to pick up the pebble, discuss what they learned and what they plan on doing during the week in concrete terms; after everyone is done, pick up the pebble and express how happy you were that everyone was open to sharing.) If you write down in detail the things you plan on doing, it will make it easier for you to share with us next week what you did. (Tell the mothers next weeks topic.)

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

BOARD PLAN
WOMEN WITHIN THE FAMILY

Religious marriages are not recognized by law. Rules of equality prevail between spouses. In cases of divorce, the joint ownership of acquired property regime is put into effect. 1. Personal property 2. Acquired property

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

HANDOUT 1: WHERE CAN I APPLY TO LEARN ABOUT MY RIGHTS?* Dear Parents, WOMENS SOLIDARITY FOUNDATION Mithatpaa Cad. No.10/11 Shhiye / Ankara Phone: (312) 435 00 70 WOMENS SOLIDARITY CENTER OF THE ANKARA BAR ASSOCIATION Adliye Binas, 5. kat Shhiye / Ankara Phone: (312) 311 51 15 (ext.) 2773 (312) 509 27 73 ASSOCIATION OF CONTEMPORARY LAWYERS / ANKARA BRANCH, WOMENS COMMISSION lkiz Sok. No. 18/3 Shhiye / Ankara Phone / Fax: (312) 232 36 69 DIRECTORATE GENERAL ON THE STATUS AND PROBLEMS OF WOMEN (Under the Prime Ministry of the Turkish Republic) Merutiyet Cad. No.19, Ankara Phone: (312) 419 29 79 CANAKKALE ASSOCIATION TO VALUE WOMENS HANDIWORK Canakkale Community Center, Cevat Paa Mah. Zbeyde hanm Sok. Zafer Evleri Yan, (behind the central police station) anakkale Phone: (286) 217 15 70 HUMAN RIGHTS ASSOCIATION Sraselviler Cad. ukureme Sok. Bayman Apt. No.10/1 Taksim / stanbul PHONE: (212) 251 96 46 251 35 26 1) ISTANBUL BAR ASSOCIATION WOMENS RIGHTS ENFORCEMENT CENTER, VOLUNTEER LEGAL CONSULTANCY PROJECT stiklal Cad. Orhan Apaydn Sok. No.1, Baro Han, Kat 2 Tnel / stanbul Phone: (212) 292 77 39 2) ISTANBUL BAR ASSOCIATION WOMENS RIGHTS COMMISSION stiklal Cad. Orhan Apaydn Sok. No.1, Baro Han, Kat 2 Tnel / stanbul Phone: (212) 292 77 39

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

3) ISTANBUL BAR ASSOCIATION CHILDRENS RIGHTS ENFORCEMENT CENTER stiklal Cad. Orhan Apaydn Sok. No.1, Baro Han, Kat 2 Tnel / stanbul Phone: (212) 292 77 39 FOUNDATION TO VALUE WOMENS WORK (KEDEV) Meyyetzade, Galipdede Cad. No.149/4 Kuledibi / stanbul Phone: (212) 249 07 00 WOMENS LIBRARY AND INFORMATION CENTER FOUNDATION Fener mah. Fener PTT Yan 34220 Hali / stanbul Phone: (212) 534 95 50 WOMEN FOR WOMENS HUMAN RIGHT NEW WAYS nn cad. Saadet Apt. No.37/6, Gmsuyu 80090 Taksim / istanbul Phone: (212) 251 00 29 PURPLE ROOF WOMENS SHELTER FOUNDATION Katip elebi Mah. Anadolu Sok. 23 -7 Beyolu / stanbul Phone: (212) 292 52 31-32 IZMIR BAR ASSOCIATION WOMENS RIGHTS COMMISSION 1456 sok. Baro han. No.16, Kat 6 Alsancak / zmir Phone: (232) 463 00 14 463 66 74 COMMUNITY CENTERS UNDER THE SOCIAL SERVICES AND CHILD PROTECTION AGENCY You can call the Social Services and Child Protection Agency (in Ankara) to find out if there is a Community Center in the province that you reside in. Phone: (312) 310 24 60 LEGAL AID SERVICES OF THE BAR ASSOCIATION You can apply to the bar association in your province and request legal aid. Provision of this service was initiated especially with the aim of assisting people who cannot afford to hire a lawyer. * Excerpted from the booklet entitled We Have New Rights published by Women for Womens Human Rights New Ways.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

10

WOMEN (3): REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH AND FAMILY PLANNING

DURATION: 2 Hours (Sharing session 15 minutes) OBJECTIVES: Inform mothers about the female reproductive system, Inform mothers as to what they can do to protect their reproductive health, Inform mothers about menstrual hygiene and what can be done in the case of painful periods, Inform mothers about infections of the female reproductive system, Inform mothers about cancers of the female reproductive system and prevention methods, Inform mothers about risky pregnancies. HANDOUTS: FIGURE: ILLUSTRATION OF THE FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM (INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS) HANDOUT 1: ILLUSTRATION OF BREAST SELF-EXAMINATION TO DETECT CANCER EARLY HANDOUT 2: THE CONCEPTS AND METHODS OF FAMILY PLANNING HANDOUT 3: TAKE HOME WORKSHEET MATERIALS: A pebble SUGGESTIONS TO THE GROUP LEADER: Give the mothers in your group a list of the names and contact information of organizations that offer Family Planning services in your area.

Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (3): Reproductive Health and Family Planning

WOMEN (3): REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH AND FAMILY PLANNING


Observation and Discussion: Ask the mothers to remember what they are going to share with the group by going over the take home worksheet they filled out the previous week. Allow time for those that did not fill out the handout to do so now. Make sure the group is sitting in a circle. Place a large pebble in the middle. Ask the mothers detailed questions about previous weeks topic. Use the pebble in determining the volunteer mother. For instance, what kind of event did you experience last week and when this event occurred, what did you do? Did your husband or anyone else help you? What had you said you would do, were you able to do what you said or did you encounter any obstacles? Acknowledge the mothers that applied what they learned; try to get as many mothers as possible to participate in the discussion. After the sharing session is over, collect the take home worksheet the mothers filled out.) As women, we usually pay no attention our own health, but care deeply about the health of our children and husband. But our health conditions progress over time when we overlook them, and turn into serious health problems later on. Our reproductive organs play a significant role in our overall health. In large part, the illnesses we suffer from as women result from reproductive health problems. So now, let us learn about our reproductive system and discuss what we can do to prevent them.

REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH
As you know, our bodies are made up of many organs and systems. The organs that enable us to reproduce make up our reproductive system. Reproductive health means for all of the organs that make up our reproductive system to function well. It is an issue that concerns all people, regardless of age or gender. A fulfilling sexual life between partners is also a large part of reproductive health. It is very important that we feel good physically. We should desire to be healthy not for others, but for ourselves because our body is the only one we have. And so, we need to take care of our health for OURSELVES. Self-esteem is very much linked with being well-groomed and healthy. When we are healthy, clean, and well-groomed, we are much happier with ourselves. Naturally, people that are healthy and well-groomed also reflect this feeling to others. You are all mothers; most of you probably had a reproductive health problem at one time or another, what are some problems you experienced? (Listen to the answers.) Vaginal discharges, itching, cervical lesions, a prolapsed uterus, premature childbirth, miscarriages, abortions, not being able to use an appropriate family planning method, etc. Women are able to bear children from about 15 to 49 years of age. More than half of the health conditions that afflict women during this time are related to the reproductive organs. Pregnancy and childbirth causes significant changes in womens bodies overall, not just the reproductive system. As a result, women may fall ill much more easily. Reproductive health is an inseparable part of our overall heath. Taking good care of our reproductive organs has a number of benefits as well.
Mother Support Program Trainers Manual

Women (3): Reproductive Health and Family Planning

It protects women and men from infections and illnesses of the reproductive system. For example, discharges, sexually transmitted diseases, cervical lesions, a prolapsed uterus, etc. It enables spouses to jointly enjoy a healthy, satisfying and safe sex life. It teaches couples the best time and intervals regarding when to have children. It enables women to remain healthy during pregnancy and childbirth. In summary, couples that take care of their reproductive health have healthy children; bring healthy children into the world. Seeing that it has so many benefits, what can we do to preserve our reproductive health? (Listen to the answers.) To protect your body from the harmful effects of pregnancy and childbirth, do not become pregnant too frequently; make sure there are sufficient time intervals between pregnancies (a minimum of three years each). To ensure your pregnancy goes smoothly, take good care o