TheEcologyofConsciousness

When our limited truth is expressed and heard in the space of complete listening, it loses its power to control us. Thats how transformation happens.

Contents

EnteringtheStream... LettingGo............................................................ TheMirror... TheWillingnesstoBeAvailable.. ThePainofNotKnowing. TheFruitionofthePath.

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EnteringtheStream
Iwanttowelcomeyou. Wecomeintothislifeasbabies,helpless,needingfood,protectionandlove.Andfor manypeoplethatsmostoftheirlife.Buteventuallythereisadoorwaywemaycome to,onewayoranother,andatthatpointwerealizethatsurvivalisnotallthatlifeis about. Forouranimalnatureitis;wecantreallydenythataspectofourselves.Itdoesnt work,todenyourhumanityourphysicalbody,ouremotionalheart,ourmindeven thoughtheymaygiveustrouble,orbedifficulttomanage.Trulyourbodyisour vehicle.Ourbody,mindandheartarevehiclesforouraliveness,ourspirit,our presence;ourtrueSelf. Sowegettothatdoorway,andmaybewegothroughthedoorwayandrealizevastness, ortheinfinite,theunknown;themystery.Therearemanynamestodescribethat realization,thatdiscovery,thatopening;thatbeginningonthepath. Ofcoursenoteveryonewhodiscoversthatopeninggoesthroughthedoorway,or continuesonthatjourney.AsIwassayingrecently,itslikeFrodogoingtoMordor itsaroughtrip!Butoncewevebeencalled,theresnochoicebuttoclimbthe mountainnottoisnolongeranoption.Yourefortunate,actually,tofindyourselfat thatpoint.Andthequestionthenbecomes,howdoyoufindthesupporttofinishthe journey? Fortunately,supportisavailable.Thatsthegoodnews.Andwealsolearnhowtotake careofourselvesalongtheway.Thatsreallyabigpartofitlearningtotakecareof ourselves.Andbecauseourmindwantstounderstandwhatshappeningtheminds natureistowanttounderstand,tomakemeaning,toorganizeweoftendraw conclusionsanddevelopbeliefsaboutwhatishappening,andthesebeliefsfrequently becomeobstaclestothejourney. Sowelearnhowtoreturntothemysteryofnotknowing.Thisisnotthesameas ignorance;rather,itiswisdom,tosurrendertonotknowing.Andwhenyoufindthe truththatyouare,whenyouactuallyknowitasbeingknowing,orknowingthroughbeing, thatsthesurrendering,theguide,theteacher,theteachingandthepath,allinone. Andbylearningtotrust,youbegintofindthattrustthroughtheheart.Notthe

emotionalheart,butthebigheart,theheartofvastness.Nottheheartofclingingorof need,fromwhichwe,asbabiesoranimals,normallyfunction;butratherthroughthat doorway,thebigheart,theheartoffulfillment,theheartthatisfulfilled.Andwetrust, becausethenatureofthatheartistrust,isacceptance.Thisisnotapractice,not somethingyouhavetolearn.Itsalreadyit. Sowebegintotrustthat,andittakesus,itnurturesusalongtheway.Butthenwego backthroughthedoorway,wegobackintostruggle,intoidentification,intoprojection. Untilithurtstoomuch;untilwelearntoletgo,learntoallowthetransformationoffire toalchemizeusfromleadintogold.Thatsall.Thatswhatisreallymeantbybeingtrue tooneselfinthedeepestsense.Nottruetoonesselfasego,buttruetoonesowntruth. Partofhowwelearntotakecareofourselvesonthejourneyisbyhavinganattitude towardourstrugglethatallowsittobefullyexperienced.Imnottalkingaboutacting out,butaboutbeingwiththearisingofattachmentorreactionwithoutdrawing conclusionsaboutwhatitmeansthatsthetrickypart.Becauseassoonasweidentify ourstruggle,assoonaswegiveitanidentity,wecreatemoreseparation,andthereby keepthestrugglerunningandrunningusunconsciously. Sothesimplestinstructionistogetoutofyourthinkingandintoyourfeeling,however painfulasthatmightbe.Andoftenitcanbeverypainful,oremotionallycathartic,or intense.Andofcoursethebaby,ourhumannature,wantstobecomfortable,andwe haveaculturethatplacescomfortonaveryhighpedestal.Itsaveryfineline,avery subtledistinction. Itrequiresexperiencetoreallytrusttheprocess,becauseitcontinuesonandon.People awaken,andthengobackintoidentificationandaskthemselves,howcome?Orthey haveanexperienceofawakening,andthink,Iwantthisallthetime.HowcanIhave thisallthetime?HowcanIbecomefree?HowcanIbecomefreeofmystruggle?Or theemotionalenergycanbesuchthatitcanbecomedespairing:Itsnevergoingto happen,theymaytellthemselves.Imgoingtokeephavingtogothroughthissame oldstuff,overandoveragain.Itsnevergoingtoend.Itcanbeverydiscouraging,to thepointofdespair. Soitrequiresinsomewaysatremendouswilltobefree,tostaywiththeprocess.And evenasoneprogressesalongtheway,itoftengetsmoreintenseasonebecomesmore conscious.Youfeelthingsmoredeeply,youbecomemoresensitive.Itsnotworse, necessarily,butitismorevivid.

Socomingtogetherlikeweredoingtonightisveryhelpful,becauseitcreatesan environmentofsupport,whereweinasensebecomereacquaintedwiththetruthof ourselves,andmaybeevenimbuedwithmoreofthatpresencethroughourbeing together.Thatreallydoeshelp.Andwhenwegettogetherforlongerperiods,likeon retreat,theopportunityisheightenedinsomeway,deepened. Itsreallyapleasuretobewithyou,Ihavetosaythat;agreatpleasure.Mondaynightis kindofafunnytimetomakeitoverheretothisspot,butIhavetosayImgladyoudid, andImgladIdid.Itsnicetohaveaforumwherewecan,inacomfortable,intimate environment,reallyexploretruthtogether.IdontreallythinkaboutwhatIwent throughtobewhereIaminthismoment.Allthatkindofdropsaway.Theyearsonthe zafu,themany,manyyearsonthezafu.Andallthepilgrimagingaroundtheworld,to teachersandsoforth.Andtheextraordinarylongingtobefree.Theintensityofthat longing. Q.Couldyousaymoreaboutthisvastnessthatgivesyoucomfort? Jon:DoyouknowwhatImtalkingabout? Q.Yes,Iknowwhatyouretalkingabout,verymuch.ThatswhyIwantedtohearmore abouthisvastnessthatgivesyousupport.Itseemstobeasyousay,onceyougetgoing youcantgetintoit,andyouthinkyouwanttoquit.Butallofasuddenyoufindout, kindoflikeanaddiction,youcantquit.Inotherwords,theresonlyonedirectiontogo, andthatsforward.Butitsnotfunanymore.IveheardabouttheDarkNightofthe Soul,butthatsoundslikeonenighttome.Inrealityitgoesonandon. Jon:Yes.Yes,Iknow.Itsimportanttobeabletofeel,tobeabletobethefeeling.Not justtofeel,buttobethefeeling,whateverthatis.Inthismoment,itcouldbesadness,or fear,oranger.Thecoveringcouldbeemotional.Andtheemotionalrealmisveryoften thedoorwaytotheblissofvastness.Weoftenthink,Idontwanttofeelthegrief,the anger,thedisappointment,lossButwerehumanbeings,andtheseareallpartof ourexperience.Theyreallyjustare,andtheresnothingwrongwiththem,andtheres nothingwrongwithus.Theydontmeananythingaboutus,theyrejustwhatwego through. Sowhenyourehavingahardtime,whenitstheDarkNightoftheSoul,whatisthat feeling,andcanyoubethat?Wewanttobethebliss.Wewanttobeontheothersideof thedoor.Buttheonlywaytobeontheothersideofthedooristobecomethedoor, becometheresistance,becomethesuffering,thepain;whateveritis.Thefrustration thatwerenotfree.Wewantthegoodies!Butwearethegoodies,already.Itsalready
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done.Freedomisntsomethingthatweattain.Whenwedropthatwhichwerenot,we discoverwealreadyareThat.Followme? Q.Yes,Ido,verymuch. Jon:Youdo,Icanfeelit.Soactuallytheresnothingtodo,excepttobewithwhatis,as itis,inthemoment. Q.Butyoufeellikeyourecausingyourownsuffering,thatssofrustrating Jon:Yes,itseemslikethat.Butthetruthisthatitjustperpetuatesitself.Andthethought aboutitactuallykeepsitgoing.Soitsalmostlikeyouhavetobacktracktothecenter. Itseasytogetoutonthesurface,whichisjudgment,analysis,comparison;itsthehead energy,mentalenergy.Itsreallyexternal,itswayoutthere.Itsnothere,itsnotreally thetruth.Sothenwebacktrack,wegoOhoh,Imfeelinguncomfortable,oragitated orwhatever. Sothetrickthenistodropthatlabel,dropIamfeelingagitated.DroptheI,andall thereisisagitation.Theenergyofit.Thefeelingofit.Thepainofit.Thatsall.Not,Oh, Imreallydoingitnow.Thatinstruction,ifyougetit,willtakeyoualltheway.It absolutelywilltakeyouthewholeway.Itsthehardestthingtoget.Becauseyouhave tokeepgettingit,overandoverandoveragain. Andasyoumovemoreintovastness,everythingisyes.YouknowwhatImean?I dontmeanbeamasochist;thiscaneasilybemisunderstood.Rather,itsthatyouknow whoyouare,yourefamiliarwiththat,youresteepedinit.Learningtoletgoisreally learningtofeelcompletelytheholdingon.Toallowyourselftobe100%holdingon,is theonlywaytobe100%lettinggo.Itsaparadox.Otherwisewekeeptheholdingon goingwithourthoughts,withourjudgments,withouranalysis,ourconclusions. Andthenwemoveintonotknowing.Sure,youcanplaywithyourmind;itsfun. ByronKatie,forexample,doesamentalthingtounhingethementalthing:Isitreally true?AmIreallymyownworstenemy?Youcanchallengeanyofyourbeliefs.The truthisthatourbeliefsarenottrue.Theyrebeliefs.Beliefsarenottrue,andtheyrenot false;theyrejustbeliefs.Theyreusefulornotuseful.Theyrefunctional,likesoftware. Theyrefunctional,ortheyredysfunctional. Youreverymuchhere.Imgladyourehere.Reallyletyourselffeeleventhedifficulty. Thesadness.Aswebecomelessarmored,wemaythinkIhavetobestrong,Icantbe weak.Orwemayfeelvulnerable,feelemotion;andthenthereisjudgment.Notfor
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everyone,butforalotofpeople. Q.Youkeepaskingyourself,doIhavewhatittakes? Jon:Yes,andyoucanalsoask,isthatreallythetruth?Remember,youarealreadyIt. Youdontneedanything.Itsnotlikeyouhavetohavesomethingtogetthrough.I understandwhatyoumean,WillIbeabletohanginthere?Maybe.Itsavalid questionnobodyknowstheanswertothat.Andtheremayberealpainthere.And theremaybefearorsadnessorgriefaboutthat:WillIbefree?ButInevergetsfree. I,theego,istheantithesisoffree.Freedomisalreadydone.Itsalreadywhatweare. Q.Butnotwantingtobethepain,notwanting Jon:Bethenotwanting.Bethenotwanting.Thatswherewemissititscompletely unconscious.Werereallyfocusedonthebullseye,thegoal.Andwethinkthenot wantingismotivatingus,butinfactitspreventingus.Itsactuallytheobstacle.Its verytricky.Andonceyougetoutofyourhead,youllgetit.Eachtime,youllgetit. Andeverytimeyouhavetokeepregettingit.Peoplecantbelievetheyhavetokeepre gettingit.HowcomeIforgotthis?Andgraduallyyougetthatthatspartofthe process,youjustforgetit.Andyoujustkeepremembering. Whenyoureinatransmissionprocesslikethis,itactivatesthatwhichisholdingback. Itbringsittotheforeground,usually.Peoplethink,itssointense,IdontknowifIcan handlethis.Butyoujusttakeasmuchasyoucantake,thatsall.Andthendistract yourselfforawhile,turnontheTV.Surftheinternet.Whatever!Takeabreak. Itssimilartoexercise;oneofthemostimportantaspectsofexercisingisnotexercising. Takingabreak.Notoverdoingit.Butwego,Ohno,Ivegottagetenlightened,Ive gottasitonthatzafu24hoursaday7daysaweekuntilImenlightenedHey,Iwas there.ImjustgladIdidnttearthecartilageinmyknees.Idefinitelypaidapriceforall that,but,hey,Iwasyoung.Alotyounger,anyway.Butalotofmyfriendsdidwreck theirknees,andtheirbacks.Theydidalotofdamagetothemselvesphysically,trying togetenlightened.Itwasignorance.Theyjustdidntknow.Nowadays,wecansitin chairs.Youdonthavetositinafulllotus,tortureyourself(unlessitscomfortabletosit likethat,ofcourse).SomeofthefirstpeopleIstudiedwithactuallybelievedthatifyou didntsitfulllotusyouwerentgoingtogetenlightened.Talkaboutalimitingbelief! Q.Whatiswakingup? Jon:Wakingupiswhatyouare.Wakingupisthedistinction,theconsciousdistinction,
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betweensufferingandfreedom.Beforewakingupthereisnoconsciousnessoffreedom. Itsaconceptmaybe,butnotexperience.Wakingupisthetasteoftruth.Wakingupis notenlightenment;wakingupisonlythetaste,orglimpseofthetruth,ofthe possibility,ofwhatcancometofruition.Butasanexperienceitcanbeverypowerful, verymoving.Itcancompletelychangeoneslife,tohaveanawakening.Oritcanbe avoided,andpushedtotheside,andnotfollowedthroughon.Bygoingbackinto identification,intojustbeingcomfortable,wemightnotnecessarilygoforward.Theres noguaranteeofgoingforward. Intentionisprobablyimportant,butultimatelyIthinkitsreallyanonchoice.Inother words,sufferingsimplybecomesunacceptable.Yourejustnotwillingtosuffer anymoreeventhoughyoudo!Thisisdifferentthanwantingtobecomfortable; wantingtobecomfortableavoidspain,seekspleasure.Wantingtobefree,ontheother hand,divesinthroughthepain. Itsongoingworktopayattentionnotjustwhenyouremeditating,butallthetime. Yes,meditationisgreat.Itcanbeveryhelpfulnotnecessarilyinallcases,butforsome peopleitcanbe.Forothers,though,itsjustanotherwaytostayindenial.Togoto sleep.Whatever.Butyoureawake!Andtheresstillthestuffatthesametime,right?So, canyouallowyourselftoexperiencethatconflict? Divetotallyintothismoment.Dontdistractyourself.Cutoutallthedistractions,every oneofthem;cultivateonepointedness.Nothinglessthanthatisgoingtoworkforyou. ItsrightinthismomentImtalkingabout,nottomorroworwhenever.Youcanfeelit; youjustfeltit.Rightnow.Thatsit.Youredistractingyourselfwithallthestuff. Thatswhyinmeditationpracticetheyhaveyoufollowthebreath,tocultivateone pointedness.Itsnotattention;itscompletesurrender.ItswhatPoonjajiusedtotalk about,beingcompletelystill.Thatsit,beingcompletely,100%still.Andwhathappens isthatyougetthepresence,buttheheartisblocked,andthatswherestuffisgoingto bemoving.Andifyoudontwantthat,ifweavoidthepainthatsintheheart,themind canreallygoonatrip.Itreallygetsonatreadmill,fueledbythepainthatsnotbeing felt.Themindwillgiveyoueveryreasonintheworldnottobehere.Itwilltryitsbest tofigureeverythingoutthatswhatitdoes. Sowhateveryourefeeling,rightnow,bethat,withoutdrawingconclusions.Evenif thereareconclusions,justletthemgooninthebackground.Dontgiveyourattention totheconclusions;giveyourintention.GiveyourattentiontoThis,thatswhat intentionmeans.Thisisintention,rightnow.Onepointednessisintention,thatswhat itmeans.Itsnotaconceptinyourhead.Thatsnotintention,thatswillpower.
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 Andthatsokatthebeginning.Alittlewillpower,noproblem.Oryouusewillpower whenyouneedit.Likeahybridcar;itcanswitchsystems.Forinstance,youneeda littlewillpowertogetyourselfhereonMondaynights.Right?Onceyourehere,you canletgoofthatwillpower.Butifyourealwaysinwillpower,thenyourestuck. Thegoodnewsisthatyourenotunconscious.Yourefamiliarwiththistruththatyou are.Thatsthegoodnews.Thehumanexperiencethatneedstobetraversedasaresult ofthatisaveryimportantpartofthejourneyitcantreallybebypassed.Were emotionalbeings,weresentientbeings,thatswhatthatmeans.Werefeeling,wefeel. Weliveinaculturethatstopheavy.Toomuchintheheadinformationoverload.We havetogetdown,intothebody,intotheheart.Thatswhatsimportant.Otherwisethe mindisatorturechamber. Letyourselfbethefeeling.

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LettingGo

Howisitpossibletoletgo?Ifwerealwaysmovingforward;alwaysgoingsomewhere; howcanweletgo?Andwhatarewelettinggoof? Oftenwhenyoustopforthesefortyminutes,ifoutinyourlifeyouvereallybeengoing relentlessly,youjustfallasleep.Youjustkindofgounder.Thebodyneedstogounder; itsjustbeengoing,going.Sowelearntostop,welearntoactuallystoptheforward movement.Thatswhatmeditationisausefultoolfor,justbasicallystopping; consciouslystopping. Whenwerealwaysmovingforward,wecantbeawareofwhatsunconsciouslybeing heldonto.Becausewerethinking,andplanning,anddoingBeingsomebody TakingcareofbusinessImalwaysamazedwhatareliefitistostop.Eveninthe midstofunbelievabledemandsandactivityandresponsibility,aneverlengtheningto dolist.Theonlywaytoletgoistobringintoconsciousnessthatwhichisunconscious. Itsverydirtywork! Sowhenwestop,ofcoursewhatisunconsciousbeginstoemergeintoconsciousness. Andoftenitsnotverypleasant,particularlywhenitsphysicalthetensionsthatwe buildupthroughourcopingmechanisms,thewayswegetthroughtheday.So historicallyalotofphysicalculturehasbeendevelopedinspiritualcircles.Yoga,taichi, aikido,thevariousmartialarts;healingpractices,breathingpractices,qigong.Theyre allbasedonmeditation,really;theyreallbasedonstillness.Stillnessthatsconscious, thatsheldnotrigidly,butsoft,open,balanced. IthinkintheWestwevemainlycontributedthepsychological,thepsychodynamic. Theindividual,psychodynamicpsychologythatstheareathatsmostunconscious. Thebeliefstructures,thementalconditioning.Thatsprobablythemostdangerous landscapethatweeventuallymusttraverse,mustencounter.Ofcoursetheemotionalis reallythegatewaytotheheart,tothebigheart,totheunnamable;theinfinite consciousnessthatweare. Usuallywestopfeelingbythinking.Weseparatefromfeelingbyanalyzingor compartmentalizing,bythewayswedefinethings.Thementalrealmisveryoften mostlyadefensemechanism.Soofcourseinsomanytraditions,wisdomisbasically equatedwithnotknowing. Ofcoursehereinourculture,intheinformationage,knowingisKing,itsGod;its whatsrewarded.Notknowingisunthinkable.Itsradical,itssubversive.Andof
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course,ironically,itcantbeunderstoodintellectually.Notknowingisntlikedumbing down,orbeingstupid;thatsnotwhatitis.Itsreallymorelikethewonderofachild,or atouristinSanFranciscoonthecablecarforthefirsttime.Everseenwhatpeoplelook likeonthosethings?Likeadogwithitsheadoutofthewindowanditstongueblowing inthewind.Everythingsnew! Actually,Ivelivedheremostofmylife,andImalwaysamazed,drivingaroundthe city,athowIalwaysseesomethingnew.Always!Imeanjustintermsofbuildings, architecture,itslike,Oh,Ineversawthatbefore!Happensallthetime,itsjust amazingtome.Thereisasenseofappreciationofbeauty,becausetheresnothing comparedtoit;perceptionisrightnow,itsnotrelatedtosomethingelse.Thatcanonly happentoamentalprocess. Notknowingisreallyseeingdirectlywhatis.Itdoesntmeanunderstandingitor intellectualizingit.Itdoesntmeancomparingitoranalyzingit.Itmeansperception, directperceptionofwhatis.Thatsallthatsreallyrequired,completely.Whetherits physicalawareness,mentalawareness,emotionalawarenessthatsallthatsrequired. Seeingthingsdirectlyastheyare,feelingthemdirectlyastheyare,hearingthem directlyastheyare.Soyoucouldcomehereandlistenandnotunderstandasingle wordofit,thatsfine.Justhearit,justasitis,andletitbe.Tryitout! Weassumeweunderstandwhenwerelisteningandtalkingtosomebody,wheninfact werereacting,makingassumptions,projecting,andwedontevenknowweredoing that.Peopleoftenendrelationshipswithfalseassumptionshaveyoueverdonethat? Itsmuchmoreinterestingtotryonnotknowing.Ofcoursethatdoesntmeanwerenot goingtoreact,aslongasreactivityisstillpresent.Butwecanbeavailabletothe contractionofthereaction. Whatdoesthatmean,beavailabletothecontractionofthereaction?Imean,youre talkingtosomeonethatyouknow,andallofasuddentheysaysomethingortheydo something,andallofasuddenyourbodyclamps,yourstomachgetstight,oryouhave aheadache,oryoureangry,orafraid,orsad,orsomething.Somephysicalreaction, maybeacombo.Right?YouknowwhatImtalkingabout.Theresareaction. Sothenwhat?Thatswhatsimportant:thenwhat?Wheredoyouputyourattention then?Doyoujustmovefurtherintounconsciouscontraction,thewantingtogetaway fromit,todistractfromit?Becomemoreunconscious,inotherwords?Thatsusually whathappens.Andwedontevenrealizeituntilwereverytired.Ittakesalotof energytocultivateunconsciousness,itsaveryheavy,veryexhaustingcondition.And maybeforawhile,youthinkyoureholdingon,holdingontosomething.Andmaybe
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youreatwork,andyoucantreallybreakdownandcry,orwhatever.Becauseyouve gottodealwithyourresponsibilities,andtheyexpectyoutobeprofessional,andsoon. SoyougohomeandsaymaybeIllsitalittlebit,Illjusttunein.Oryoucomehere,and wanttotuneinalittlebit,maybeamplifytheconsciouschannel.Thatswhatwedo here,oronretreat,weamplifytheconsciouschannel.Orinmeditation,thatswhat weredoing,wereturningupthevolumeofconsciousness.Ofcourse,itcanbealittle difficultuntilyougetthehangofit.Peoplethinkwell,Imeditatedfiveminutesthis week,meditatedoneminutelastmonth.ThatsaboutalltheconsciousnessIcantake rightnow!ToomuchontelevisionIneedtocatchupon,toomuchnews;theresalotto keeptrackof! Thereisalottokeeptrackof,noquestionaboutit.Butconsciousnesscreatesspace;it createstimeandspace,actually.Itsreallykindofmiraculoustodiscoverthat,tofind thatout.Howisthatpossible?Idontknow.Butitdoes,youshouldtryit.Cultivating consciousnessactuallycreatestimeandspace,andreducesstress.Ithinkweveallhad experiencesofit,youprobablyknowwhatImtalkingabout,thoughImaynotbe sayingitinthewayyoulanguagethings. Youknowthefeelingyouhavewhenyoureonvacation,andyoudonthavetogo anywhere,donthavetodoanything?Thatsagoodfeeling,isntit?Thepressuresoff, noonesgoingtobugyouorwantsomething.Theresafeelingofnopressure.Thatsa goodfeeling.AndthatswhatImean!Developingconsciousnesscreatesthatfeelingof nopressureevenwhentheressomuchtodo.Thatstheweirdpart.Insomeways nothinghaschanged,andinanotherwayeverythingisdifferent. Soyoubegintoliveasspaciousness.Youbegintoliveinthetimeless.Andthetimeless hasasenseoflotsoftime;Imeanallthetimeyouneed.Andthemind,themental activity,becomesaverycompassionate,friendlyally.Ithinkmostpeoplewouldsettle forthat.Forgetenlightenment;justtohaveamindthatyougetalongwith,thatwould benotbad,youknow?Illtellyouhowtodothatfirst.Firstthingsfirst,asmymother usedtosay: Whenindoubt,feel.Thatsall. Mentaltorturehappensbecausesomethinghasntbeenfelt.Itsthesurfacesiren,thecar alarm.Thatannoyingthingthatgoesoffwhenyouretryingtosleep(ifyouliveinSan Francisco,youknowexactlywhatImtalkingabout!).Soinsteadofgoingoutand smashingthatcarwiththealarm,goinandfeel.Becausethetortureisamentalalarm; theobsessed,unhappymindistheresultofemotionalenergythathasnotmoved,likea
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weathersystemthatsbeentrapped.Itsdangerous;itcancausephysicalillness,can causeallkindsofdestruction.So,whenindoubt,feel. Then,oncethefeelingshavebeenfeltnotanalyzed,notunderstood,butfeltthenthe energyhasmoved,andthemindusuallybecomescalm,becomesquiet.Andaftera whilethemindreallylikesit.Becauseitdoesnthavethejobanymore,itdoesnthave theinappropriatejobdescription,whichisfigureoutthefeeling.Thatsnotthe mindsjob.Themindcantdothatjob.Whenthemindtriestodothatjob,itdoesnt work,itjustcreatesmoretorture.YouknowwhatImean? Feelingscantbeunderstood,actually,notiftheyretobereally,fullyfelt.Because theyrejustfeeling,theyrejustenergy.Wetrytounderstandthem,andthatclampsand stopstheflow.Thisisreallyimportant.Rememberwetalkedaboutlivingandnot knowing?Forthemindtobehappyithastobeunburdenedofwhatitcannotdeal with,whatitcannotcontrol,whatitcannotunderstand.Anditcannotcontrolandit cannotunderstandfeelings,period.Now,afterfeelingshavebeentrulyfeltandthe energyfieldisclear,thenthemindcandowhateveritwantstodo.Itcandoallitslittle analyses,drawitsconclusions,andsoon.Butnowtheresnoenergyinit,theresno chargeanymore;soitsfine,itsnotaproblem.Butwhenthatchargeisthereitdoesnt work. Soafterawhile,onceyouvebeguntofeelratherthanthink,themindbecomesmuch morecomfortable,becomesmuchhappier.Itactuallybeginstoenjoyitself!Andthenit canworkinitsrealm,whichisthinkingandplanningandallthethingsitlikestodo.It figuresoutthingsitcanfigureout.Itlikesdoingthat.Itlikesmakinglists,playingwith computers,and,youknow,funstuff.Itsplayful.Itcreatesthings,inventsthings, discoversthings.Fun!Themindiswonderful,absolutelyfabulous. Wevebeentrainedtonotfeel.Wevebeenconditionedtorepressandjudgeanddeny feeling.Sowehavetolearnhowtofeelagain.Andwhenweveawakenedto consciousness,toourtruenature,tothatwhichwetrulyare;whenweveawakenedto that,thenwehaveagreatdealofsupportforfeeling,fortransformingthemindandthe bodyandtheheart.Andthenwehaveadeeperrefuge,youmightsay. Andwhatyoullfindisthatwhenyourereallyfeeling,whenthefeelinghascleared, youwillbemoreinfreedom,moreinthepresenceoftrueself.Thatshowyouknow! Thatsthefeedbackmechanism,thebiofeedbackloop,ifyouwill,thatwillletyou know.Ifnot,thenyouveprobablygonebackintoyourhead,andhavebeentryingto control,andfigureitout,whichisreallyaverytrickylittledefensemechanismagainst feeling.Butwhenyouhaveaccesstothesocalledspiritual,thepresencewhenthats
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present,itslikethedifferencebetweenDSLanddialup.Muchfaster!Likeadirectline. Whenyoulearnhowtousethat,itslikerocketfuel. Butyoustillcantbypassyourownstuff.Oftenpeoplehaveawakeningsandthey think,phew!Imdone!Idonthavetomeditateanymore,donthavetokeeplookingat allthispainfulstuff.Themindthencomesupwithallkindsofconclusions,whichare usuallywrong,andyoufindthatouteventually.Butifyoustayconsciousthisvery processcanbereallyuseful.Youmightsayitstheultimatecooker.Wereanamazing ecosystem,youknow,thiswholepsychospiritual,bodymindcomplex,infinite unknowablemysterythatweare.Prettyfaroutstuff.Prettyfarouttoexplore.AndI likethat. IoftensaythatIfindtheusefulattitudestohavearethoseofexplorerandscientist. Explorer:likeyoureinunknownterritory,youveneverbeentherebefore,dontknow whereyouare.Andscientist:simplyobservingthingsastheyare.Beingveryattentive, watchingverycarefully,andnotwithapreconceivedidea.Allthegreatscientific discoveriesweremadebypeoplewhowereabletothinkoutsidethebox.Theywere notcaughtbytheparadigmofthinkingthatwasaroundthem.Theywereabletosee thingsnobodyelsecouldseebecausetheydidnthavepreconceivedideasaboutwhat theywereseeing.Allthegreatscientificdiscoverieshavethatincommon.Thomas KuhnwroteabookhewasaprofessoratStanford,Idontknowifhesstillaround hewroteabookcalledTheStructureofScientificRevolutions,andhetalkedabout that,itsveryinteresting.Andthesameistrueinourowntransformation.Thatswhat Ivebeentalkingabouttonight. SoIguessthequestionthatIhaveforyouis,whatdoyouwant?Whyareyouhere,or whatareyoulookingfor,whatisitthatyouneed?Startthere.Thatstheonlyplacewe canalwaysstart,wherearewerightnow.Whatisityouneedrightnow,orwhatisit thatyouwant?

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TheMirror

LatelyIvebeenbeginningthetalkswithsilentinteraction,whichisthedeepestformof teaching.Onewayoranother,itsamirror.Amirrorofemptiness,oramirrorof struggle.Comfortableoruncomfortable. Howdowerelatetotheuncomfortable?Ortothecomfortable?Usuallywerelatetothe comfortableortheegorelatestothecomfortableasIwantmore;Iwantmore pleasure.Andthatsok!Whatswrongwithwantingmorepleasure?Thatshuman nature.Thatsbuiltintothehardwiringofourbodymindstructure.Andobviouslywe dontwantstruggle,wedontwantdiscomfort;andthatswhyweseek.Thatswhywe seekfreedom,orthepotentialforfreedom,fromsuffering.Sufferingskindofa bummer!Wetryallkindsofwaystoavoidit,andwehavemanywayswecanavoidit. Wereendlesslycreativeinthatway.Butultimatelywerealizethatwecantavoidthis anymore.Itdoesntwork!Butwellkeeptrying.Theresgottabeawayoutofthis. Right?Sowetry,andtry,andtry. Thisisaveryoldsubject,actually.Itsbeenaroundforcenturies,atleastinthe literature.InZen,forinstance,thereareallthesestoriesaboutthestudentsayingtothe teacher,ifwerealreadyenlightened,iftheresnoattainment,thenwhyarewe meditating?Whyarewepracticing?Andeventodaythatsanissue.Idontknowif yourefamiliarwiththatsubject.Itsactuallyanimportantareatolookat.Itsveryeasy togetconfusedonthisone.Ifwhatwearefundamentallyisalreadyliberated,already free,thenwhatisthispracticething?Whatisthismeditationthingabout?Right?You mayalreadyknowtheanswertothis;ifso,bearwithme. Ultimatelythereisnopractice,really.Itsmoreaccuratetosaythattheresacceptanceof whatis,whichistheabsenceofstrugglewithwhatis.Certainlybysittingstillforaperiod oftimesocalledmeditationwebecomeawareofthedifferencebetweenallowing whatisandtryingtochangewhatis,andthatsashiftinattention.Whenweallow whatis,opennessnaturallyhappens.Thelettinggoofthedefensecalledegonaturally occurs.Thatsallegois,really,adefense.Itsprotection,itsasurvivalmechanism.Its notaproblem,really.Moreorlessnotaproblem,thatis.Likethebody,moreorlessnot aproblemforsomepeopleitsmoreofaproblem,forothersless.Wedealwithall kindsofbodychallenges,someofusmorethanothers.Samewithemotionalchallenges ormentalchallenges:moreorless. Soaccepting,beingavailableforwhatis,isreallywhatmeditationis.Itsnotadoing. Itsnotthatyoureimprovingyourself.Itsmorethatyoureallowingbeing.Andinthat allowing,onerecognizesthetruthatsomepoint,thealreadycompletenessofwhatwe
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are.Andwemayexperiencethatasjustamomentofpeace,oftremendouspeaceor love,unconditionalloveorconnection,onenesswitheverything.Maybeitsafleeting experience,veryquick;ormaybeitlingers,andwesettleintosuchness.Andthen maybewemovebackintothecontraction,wehavethissortofbackandforth. Theresaphysicstoit,actually,justliketheresaphysicstoallthelawsofnature. Theresaphysicstoliberation.Sowerealllittlescientistsandexplorersinthe unknown,andwehavethelaboratoryofourexperiencetobeamirrorforus.Andthis environmentcanbeaveryhighlypolishedmirrorforrecognizingthetruth,whichis unnamable,unspeakable.Itsthesilent,atruththatwearealready,butthatweare paradoxicallylongingfor. Butliberationisbringingconsciousnessbacktoitself,thatswhatitdoes.And acceptanceisreallyallowingthattohappen.Thatswhatacceptancereallyis:allowing consciousnesstoreturntothesourceofitsbeing.Andoftenitsaterrifyingexperience; itcanbeprettyscary.Itcanbringupfear,becauseitslikelettinggoandfalling,losing control.Thatkindoflettinggocanfeelverythreatening.Itsnotthreatening,actually, itsveryfreeing;butinitiallyitcanbescary,particularlyifwevegotatightgrip. Sogentlywelearntobewiththefearoflosingcontrol,andgraduallywebecome comfortablewithexpansion,withlosingasenseofmeandyou,wheretheresjust oneness. Wewanttomakeitverycomplicated,ofcourse.Ourmindslovecomplicatingthings, theylovehavingelaborateexplanations.Infactthatswhattheminddoes;itlikesto explainthings,organizethings,understandthings.Soitsalittledifficultforthemind, particularlysincelettinggoonlyhappensintherealmofnotunderstanding.Its counterinstinctualtoletgo.Becauseholdingonisinstinctual,survivingisinstinctual. Andlettinggoisnt. Somentally,itsjustrecognizingandallowingnotknowing.Thatsharder;thatmaybe thehardestpartofsocalledspiritualpractice.Peoplesay,howcanItrust?ActuallyI, theego,cannot.Itsactuallyagainsttheegosnaturetotrust.Becausetrustreally,inthe wayImeanit,isnotknowing.Itsbeingliberatedthatistheessenceoftrust;itsnotan egoexperience.Egoscanttrust;theyhavetoomuchtolose.Theyhavetodefend. Talkingaboutthisisalittletricky. Trustiswhatwenaturallyare.Itstheabsenceofego.Itslove,itstheoneheart;itsthe bigheart.Itsnotapsychologicalattitude;itsflying,soaringininfinitefreefall.Thats whatImeanbytrust.Sotheresthiswillingnesstositinsilenceandbeavailableforthis
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mirror.Thismirrorofwhatever:onesdiscontent,onesanxiety,onestruth,whatever.It doesntmatter!Itsnotlike,ohthisisgoodtonight,Iwasgroovininthelight!Or,this isacrummynight,Icouldntsitstillandmymindwasallovertheplace.Itsjust whatever,youknow?Ofcoursewecancertainlysay,Ilikethat,Idontlikethat,or Idratherbeatpeacethanatwar. Sothequestion,then,iscanyoubewithwhatisrightnow?Rightnowmeaningnot onlythismoment,butanymoment,anytime,anywhere.Canyoubehereforwhats given,canyoureceivewhatsgiveninthismoment?Orareyouresistingwhatsgiven rightnow?Areyouagainstit,areyoumovingawayfromit?Orareyoutryingtograb ontoit?Oristherejust...allowingit?Prettyeasy,right?Thatisntareallycomplicated setofchoices.AmIagainstit,amImovingawayfromit?AmIgrabbingontoit?Oram Iallowingit?Thisshouldbefairlyeasytonotice,shouldntit?No?Yeah,maybenot! Ifoneisinonesmentalprocessitmightbehardtoknow.Soyougetintoyourbody; thatswheremeditationagainbecomesveryhelpful.Mostmeditationpracticesare bodyoriented.Youfeelyourbodyandfeelwhatsgoingon,sensationsinyour breathing,andsoon;youstartgettingtunedin,starttogetalittlemoresensitiveto whatsgoingonhere.Becausethebodyiskindoflikeabiofeedbacksystem.Checkinto yourbody.Noticehowyourefeeling,whatyouresensing.Maybeyoudontfeel anything.Maybeyourenumborjustblank;itscertainlypossible.Sojustbeblank,be numb.Bewhateveritis.Justallowthat. Thetruthis,yourparticulardoorwayiswhatevershererightnow.Thatsactuallyvery difficultforthemindtogrok,tocomprehend.Itreallyis.Ionlysaythatfrom experience,notbecauseIbelieveit.Idont,Imnotintobelief.Itsnotmything.Idont recommendit!Beliefisjustanotherbagofstuffitsusefulifitgetsyouinthedoor, ontoyourcushion,whatever.Butthetruthofyourexperienceisinfrontofyou.Can youfindit? Canyousitinfrontofthedoorwayofnotknowing?Thatswhatwecallreadiness. Readinessisactuallytherealizationthatwecantescapeanymore,thatwecantavoidit anymore.Thatsreadiness.Noblame,noshame.Thatsall.Andyouknowifyoure ready,becauseyoushowup.Youshowupregardlessofhowyoufeel.Yousitdown andyoupayattention,regardlessofwhatspresent.Whetheryouwanttoordontwant toisirrelevant.Yougiveyourselftothismoment:thistoo,thistoo,whateveritis.The trafficjam.Theresentmentatwork.Whatever.Therereamillionthings,right?Its endless.Whateveritisthatwepushaway,runfrom,grabonto.Anythinginthat categoryisfairgame.Sothisreallymeansthateachmomentisanopportunityfor practice,forawakening,forseeingitasitis;thatsallthatsrequired.Thatswhatit
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means,noattainment. Weresoattainmentconditioned.Weareconditionedtoachieve,toproduce.Soitsa littleweirdtotalkaboutthis,becausetheminddoesntunderstandhowitspossible. Butdoesthemindunderstandhowitspossiblethatyoucanstickaseedintheground, andeventuallyhavesomethinggrow?Theresnodifference.Andwearethatseed;the truthofwhatweareisthatseed,anditwillsproutanditwillgrow,allbyitself.Wejust havetolearntowaterit,andgiveitsun,andtherightearth,anditdoesit!Thatswhat itmeans,noattainment. Nooneisexcludedfromliberation.Ithasnothingtodowithworthinessoranything likethat.Itonlyhastodowithreadiness.Thatsall.Ofcourse,ittakesalotofcourage tofacewhatisinanymoment,doesntit?Itseasiertohide.Itseemseasiertohide.But thatssurvival.Ultimately,whenitsnolongereasiertohide,youreready.Whenhiding becomesmoredifficultthanfacingwhatis,youknowyoureready.Thatsall.Thenyou justputyourselfinthesaddleandletthebroncokick.Thatsall.Ridethatbronco.Or thatmagiccarpet;whateveryourpreferredmodeoftravelis! Itsreallyverystrangetotalkaboutsomethingthatsreallythesimplestthingthereis, yetwhichisactuallyunspeakable.Butitseemstobeahumanqualitytotalk;welike talking.So,feelfreetospeakupifyouwantto;raiseyourhand,howeveryouwantto doit.Yeah!Hi. Q.Whatistheroleofrelationshipinthespiritualpath? Jon:Lifeisrelationshipeverywhere,whetherwithlovers,friends,whathaveyou.Soif yourecommittedtoyourownspiritualpath,andyoureinrelationship,howdoyou relatetothat,howdoyoudealwiththat?Ithinkthatintimaterelationshipisagreat mirror.Infactitsoftenthemostdifficultmirror;thepeopleclosesttoyou,whether yourlover,oryourmother,father,brother,sister...Itswithpeoplewhoareveryclose thatweoftenbecomethemostdefended.Initiallyyoumaybeinlove,anditsall groovyandeverything.Buteventually,youknow,thedefensesgoup.Andthatsa greatopportunity! Nowitsnotaboutputtingtherelationshipontosomealtarandthenofferingincense,or somethinglikethat,turningitintoaceremony;itsaboutbeingavailabletotherawness ofit.Theheatofit.Thesharpnessofit.Andobviouslythepleasureofittoo!Butitsa veryintensefieldtoworkin.Andthatsprobablywhysomanyspiritualtypesoverthe centurieshavebeencelibatebecauseinsomewaysitseasiernottohavetodealwith

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somebodyelsethatclosely.Right?Butifyoureinrelationship,ifyoureinvolvedwith somebody,closely,thenitcanbearealopportunity. Asyouletgoofwhatis,asyouallowwhatis,relationshipisjustwhatitis.Itworks,it doesntwork.Itsabumpyroad,itsasmoothroad.Whatever!Youstaywithit,you dontstaywithit.Oryouwonderwhetheryouregoingtostaywithit.Butitsanother mirror.Asyouredeepeningintopresence,now,yourpartnermayormaynotbeaware ofthat.Thatmaynotbetheirthing.Ormaybeitis.PersonallyIdontthinkitmatters.I thinkultimatelywefindthatanotherpersonsjourneyisreallytheirbusiness,notour business.AndthatsreallywhatImeanbyacceptance.Andthenitsaverypowerful placetobe,inrelationship.Becausethenyoureallygettoseewhereyoutrytomakeit yourbusiness.Andthatcanbeveryliberating;thatcanbeareal,fast,hotfire. Itsnotsoeasy,though.Anditusuallyrequiresthewillingnesstogrieve,andtheability toreallyfeelpowerfulemotions.Becausewhenwerebondingwithanotherhuman being,thatsaverydeepphysicalattachment.Andifweredealingwiththefreeingof attachment,weredealingwithaverydeeplevelofinstinct,anditsverypowerful.The sameistruewithparentsandchildren;itbecomesavery,verypowerfulareatowork, becauseitssoinstinctual,itsinyourcells.YouknowwhatImsaying? SoIdontthinkoneshouldbesayingofrelationship,Ishouldbeabovethat.Ithink theattitudeshouldbemorelike...divein!Divein,itsareallypowerfulfield.Itsavery interestingareatoworkwith,andoftenitsavoided,ormessedwith.ButIthinkitcan beareallygreatareaforcultivatingonesownrecognitionoftruth;andthen, ultimately,youllseethepersonaspurebeingness. Itslikethatoldsaying:whenapickpocketbumpsintoasaint,allheseesarehis pockets.So,howdoesyourloverlook?Whatareyouseeing?Andthentakethe projectionback,andbehonestaboutit.Thatshotwork,hotmeaningitsalittleintense. Butitsquick,veryquick.Quickinthesensethatitsprobablythefastestwayofletting go;lettinggoofourattachmentandneedforsomebodytobeacertainway.Thatis suffering.Bigtime. Youacceptyourpartner;youacceptthemastheyare.Ordotheyneedtochange,do theyneedtoimprove?Andisitanydifferentforourselves?See,thatsmypoint.Itsall relationship,whetheritssomebodyoutthere,orwithmoi.Itsthesamedynamic;its identical.Soifyourenotinrelationshipthenthegameis,Ineedtochange.Ineedto improve,Ineedtobeenlightened,Ineedtobefreeofsuffering.Ineedtobefixed.I needtobefiguredout.IneedtobeunderstoodSamething!
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Soultimatelyitsnotoutthere.Thatswhyitsamirror.Itsnotsoeasytolookinthe mirror,isit?Canyoulookinthemirrorandseenothing?Canyoulookinthemirror andbeatpeace? Werealwaysgettingfeedback.Always,everymoment;thismoment.Notjustwhen yourefollowingyourbreath,ordoingyourmantra,yourvisualization,whatever. Whenyourecursinginthemiddleofatrafficjam,oratyourpartnerthatswhen payingattentionbecomesveryuseful.Youcanstopinthemoment,andreallyletitin. Andyouseethatithurtstocontractinthatway,toresistwhatis.Resistingwhatis reallyhurts,doesntit?Whenyoucangrievethelossofthewayitisnt,orthewayyour partnerisnt,thenyoureonyourwaytofreedom.Thatsallthatsrequired.Itsnotthat theyhavetochange;whenyoucangrievethelossofwhatyoudidntget,thatswhere transformationhappens. Imtalkingaboutrelationship,aboutsomeonewhodidntmeetyourexpectations.Iwas playingonthattheme.Whenyoucangrievethat,andthenfullyletgo,thentheheart opens,andacceptanceiswhatis.Andforgiveness,too,thatswhenforgivenessis present.Forgivenessisntjustsomethingyoulaminateontoyourself,ontoyourattitude. Itsnotalaminationjob!Itsreallytheessenceofthedeepestclearing;whentheres nothingleft,thenforgivenessis.Justlikeacceptance;theresnodifference. Ultimatelywecanfaceeverything.Thatswhatreadinessreallymeans;itstheabilityto faceanything,ultimately.Andlearninghow,thatsreallytheartofcompassion;its learninghowtobecomeavailabletoourdeepestgrief,ourdeepestdisappointmentor ourmostprofoundterror,orrage.Imnottalkingaboutactingout,Imtalkingabout allowingthatdeepenergeticmovementtobefreed,ratherthanheldin.Thatswhy peoplelikeusdiscoveredthingslikemeditationandyogaandtaichiandqigong;all thesepracticesturnourbodiesintolightningrodsforenergy.Wecanbegintoseethat weareonewithmotherEarth,andwecanutilizethatpowerandstrengthofsupport, whichweneedtobeabletoletgoofourgriefandourfearandourangerour protection,atallitslevels. Sothatswhyweinventedthesepractices,spiritualpracticessocalled.Andthatswhy meditationsittingstill,whichwedidwhenwestartedtonightitsactuallyvery simple,butalsoverypowerful,andveryprofound.Itsaverypowerfulpractice, actually,tositstill.Obviously!Lookaround.Isthereanythingslowingdownaroundus inthisculture?Itdoesntlooklikeit;actuallyitlookslikeitsfasterandfaster.Just gettingtoafourwayintersectionisoftenanextraordinaryevent,Ifind.Whosgoingto gothroughtheintersectionfirst,andwhosgoingtorunthelight?Itslikethe Indianapolis500justgoingtothegrocerystore.
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 Sostoppingisaveryyogicallypowerfulevent,andnottobetakenlightly.Itdoeswork, though,ifyoulearnhowtoutilizethetechnology.Thesetoolscanbevery,veryuseful, soitsreallyworthittolearnhowtousethemwell.

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TheWillingnesstoBeAvailable
Itsamazinghowsomethingassimpleasjustsittinginsilencetogethercanbesorich. Ontheonehandtheresnotmuchgoingon;andyet,whatisgoingon,whentheres nothingtodistractyou? Itssoeasytogetcaughtindistraction.Buttochoosetostoplikethis,tojustbepresent, toshowupasIveoftensaid,itrequiresreadiness.Nomoreescapehatches.Oryou realizethatescapehatchesdontworkanymore.Youmightstilltrythem,actually;but youcometorealizethattheydontworkanymore.Ormaybeyoukeeprealizingthat, keeprediscoveringthattheydontworkanymore.Untilfinally,youjustsay,ok.Igive up.Illjustbehere.Withwhateverspresent.Withwhateverisphysicallypresent, emotionallypresent,mentallypresent. Ithinkthehardestpartofthatisnotmakingconclusionsaboutwhatonesexperience meansrightnow.Isntthatthehardestthing?Tobeavailablewithoutknowingwhatit means,withoutgettingcaughtintheconclusion,thestoryofit?Thatcanbeanescape hatch,themeaningofitall.Nottosayitsmeaningless;thatwouldjustbetheopposite conclusionwheninfactitsbeyondeither,itsallencompassing.Awarenessisall encompassing.Itexcludesnothing.Soallyouhavetodoisnoticewhereyoure excluding,whereyourepushingaway,orpulling,struggling. Soinawayitsverysimple.Butofcourseitcanbeintense,ordifficult,tonothavea buffer;tonotprotect.Toallowthehearttobeopentoitsvulnerability.Thatswhy compassionissoimportant;compassionmeanssimplytoallowvulnerability.Allow notknowing.Allowthevastnessofourbeingtotakeusintotheunknown. Openingtotheopenness,asJeanKleinusedtosay,meansthewillingnesstobe availabletowhateverarises.Itseasytoreallywantthepleasureofawakening; awakeningisagreatpleasure,andagreatrelief.Itsalsoexperientialevidence,you mightsay,oftheexistenceoftruth,andoffreedom.Sowecontinueonthepath. Otherwisewedprobablystaydowntheescapehatch,onewayoranother. Sowewantthepleasureofawakening,butwedontwantthepainofsuffering.But thatsreallythekey,rightthere.Thekeyisinthenotwanting.Thatstheultimate doorwaytofreedom,beingavailabletothenotwanting.Painisntthekey;thepainjust iswhatitis.Thesufferingisinournotwantingthepain,ourresistingit.Orour wantingit,forthatmatter,whichcanincludewantingtounderstandit,too;wantingto figureitout.

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 Thegoodnewsisitscompletelyoktobehuman,withallthatthatinvolves.Itsnot aboutgettingtherightmeritbadgessoyoureworthy;goodenough,smartenough, whatever.Allthatsrequiredisreadiness.Andreadinessgotyouhere,justlike readinesssomehowgetsthebeetotheflower,andgetstheflowertoopen.Thatsame mysterybringsustothetruth. Reallyitsjustreturningustothesourcethatweare.Thatswhy,inasense,wewant thatbecauseinsomewaysweknowweredisconnectedfromthatwhichweare,we knowitintuitively,andweusuallyrunaroundtryingtofulfillourselvesinvarious ways,thinkingthatsgoingtomakeushappy.Butultimatelywereseekingwholeness. Weseekfreedom,whichisourtruenature.Soessentially,ourselfisbringingusbackto ourself.Orournoselfisbringingusbacktoournoself,ifyoureBuddhist! Inasensewecantnotgohome;itsnotpossible.Evenifwerekickingandscreaming thewholeway,itsstillnotpossible,justlikegravityispartofourrealityhereonthis planet.Therereallyisaphysicstothis.Wearethemysteryofnature.Weareasgrand astheuniverseitself.Asunknowable.Wearenotseparateatallfromthat. Ofcourseifyoureexperiencingseparateness,orisolation,orstruggle,thenletstalk. Letsfindoutwhatsgoingon,putalittlelightonit,sotospeak.Thevalueofthis dialoguehereistocometotheplacewheresilencespeaks.Soifwhatsspeakingoutis noise,thenweinteracttoreturntothesilence. Itsoktoexplorethenoise:thementalnoise,theemotionalnoise,thephysicalnoise, doesntmatter.Noblame,nojudgmentatall.Isooftenhearpeopledescribingtheir judgmentsofthemselves.Itsrelentless.Itssadthatwedothattoourselves;howdowe getintothathabit?Judgmentturnsthehearttostone.Whatdoesittaketosoftenthe heart,towarmit,soitopensandisavailable?Thatsallthatsrequired.Justbeing present,thatsit.Ultimatelythatsthewholeoftheteaching.Yougetthat,thenyoujust hangwiththatuntilitsdone,basically.Thatsaboutit. Ofcourseitdoesprecipitatethatwhichisstillstruggling,asyouknowifyouvebeenat thisforawhile.Butthatsok,thatsjustthewayitworks.Itstough,itsdifficult, becauseoftenthemindgoes,wellIguessImnotgettingit,becauseImstillstruggling, Imstillfrightened,Imstillangry,Imstillconfused,stillsadandfrustrated.Imstill unsatisfied.Itshardtocontinue,isntit,whenyoureunsatisfied? Sothesavinggrace,ifyouwill,isgraceitself.Thetruththatweare,thatweallare. Werealreadyit.Werealreadyfree.Wemaynotrealizeityet;wemaynotbeonewith
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thatyet.Andbelievingitdoesntreallyhelpthatmuch.Believingwontdoit,inother words.Beliefmaybeuseful,ofcourse,ifitkeepsyouonthepath.Butultimately,like theysayinZen,talkingdoesntboilwater. SodoyouknowwhatImeanwhenIsaythetruthofwhoyouare?Isitclearwhatthat means?Notclearintellectually,butclearinthefullnessofbeing?Thatswhywehave thismirrorcalledsatsang.Thatsreallywhatitis,thatsitsonlypurpose. Fundamentally,thatsitstruevalue.Satsangistherealizationthatwerenotseparate. Theresreallynomeandnoyouatthislevelofawareness.

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ThePainofNotKnowing
IntheZenmonastery,inthezendo,themeditationhall,watchesarenotallowed.And Ivenoticedthathere,duringthemeditation,somepeoplekeepcheckingthetime.Like, gee,IwonderhowmuchlongerImgoingtohavetosithere?Ishelate?Ishetorturing meagain?Orwhatever! Itsreallyrecommendedduringmeditationperiodsthatyoukeepyourwatch somewhereyouwontseeit.Otherwiseyouredenyingyourselfthepainofnot knowing.Andthatsanendlessdetour.Dontdenyyourselfthepainofnotknowing! Thatsaverypowerfulandimportantpain.Itseemsquiteharmless,ofcourse,oh,Im justlookingatmywatch.Justwanttoseewhattimeitis.Iwanttoknow,isittenmore minutes,thirtymoreminutes,onemoreminute?Butagain,thatsadetouraround somethingthatcanbeverypowerful.Becauseultimatelyitsallaboutnotknowing. Thatsreallythesecretteaching. Now,youcouldlookatthisasjustanotherruleyouhavetofollow,thatsrestricting youwhenyoudontwanttoberestricted.Idontknowifthatcomesupforyouinthis situation,butitmight.Andthatsonewaytoperceivethat,onewaytoseeit;butitsa waythatwillonlyperpetuatesuffering.Bettertojustexperiencewhatis.Theurgeto know:feelwhatthatis.Ifyoulookatyourwatchifyousatisfythaturge,inother wordsthenyoudontgettofeelit.Youtakeitawayfromyourself;youredenying yourself,actually.Ironic,buttrue. IntheZenmonastery,atleastwhenIwasthere,ifyoumovedinmeditationyouwere hitwithastick.Notabusively,ofcourse,itwasdonewell;andtherewasaphysiology toit,itstimulatedthetrapeziusmusclestohelpyoustayawakeandhelpyoustay focused.Buttheydiscoveredoverthecenturiesthatsittingstillwasmuchmore effectivethanmovingaround.Thatsall.Itsnotlikeyouresupposedtobetorturing yourself,butthereisapowerinstillness.Thepathofstillnessisliketakingthe ConcordetoEuropeasopposedtorollerskatingandswimmingtoEurope.Again,its notmeanttobetorture;itsmeanttobeawelldiscoveredpieceofadvice. Sotheneedtomoveisanotherurgeforyoutofeellikeneedingtoknowwhattimeit isinthemeditationperiod.Simplyfeelthaturge,thatcompulsiontomove.Nowif youreinpainandyouneedtoshiftyourpositionbecauseyoureinjuringyourself, thenmove,obviously.Butexperimentwiththat,becausewerecookinghere.Thisisa cooker,thisisalittlemicrowavewevegotgoinghere.Yourecookingfromtheinside out,andalsofromtheoutsidein.

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 Itcanbehelpful,whenyouresitting,justtogiveyourselfalittleencouragementtostay withwhatisrightnow,asbestyoucan.Andifyoureallywanttoknowwhattimeitis, reallywanttoknowhowmuchlongeryouregoingtohavetositthere,thenfeelthat wantingtoknow,feelthatpain.Otherwiseyoudontgettofeelit,andthenitcomesup again,andagain,andagain.Butifyoureallyfeelit,youredone.Thestruggleends. Thenyoucanenjoyyourself. Stillnessistheeaseofbeing.Itsnotholdingyourselfstill.Itsnotholdingbackfrom moving.Notlookingatthewatchisrelaxingintonotknowing,relaxingintothe discomfortofnotknowing.Thegrief,thesuffering,thefear,whateveritis.Theanger, theanxiety,therestlessness,theimpatience.Whatever.Itsgivingspacetothat. Ironically,itsstillnessthatallowsthattomovewhichneedstomove.Thatsall.

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TheFruitionofthePath
Iwanttotalkaboutthisideaofwhatkindoflifestyleisnecessarytotakeaspiritual journeyseriously.AndIjustwanttosaythatitdoesntmatter.Itdoesntmatter whetheryoureamonkorahouseholder.Itdoesntmakeanydifferenceatall.Theres noguaranteeonewayortheother,andnohindranceonewayortheother.Ultimatelyit isntaboutthat. IwanttotalkaboutJeanKlein,whowasmyfirstrealizedteacher.Hewasnotamonk. Hewasamedicaldoctor,andaconcertviolinist,andamusicologist,andhadtwo growndaughtersbeforehereallyenteredhispath.Infacthewasonthelasttrainoutof GermanyintoFrancebeforetheNazisclosedtheborder;itwasatumultuousperiodof time.AndhewentofftoIndiatoexplorethedeepermeaningoflife,becauseclearly whatwasgoingoninEuropewasinsane.IwanttogetbacktoJeanlaterwhenwetalk aboutintegrationandleavingtheretreat,becausehehadsomethingstosaythatIthink arereallybeautifulandappropriate;butIdontwanttosaythemjustyet. Theonlythingthatsrequiredforthespiritualjourneytocometofruitionisthatone hastocometothatplacewheretheprofounddesiretobefreeofsufferingisthe numberonepriority.Thatsallthatsrequired;therestwilltakecareofitself.Thatsthe onlythingthatsrequired. Q.Putanotherway,youdhavetobesufferingintolerably?Isthatthesamething? Jon:Couldbe.Buttherearemanypeoplewhoaresufferingintolerablywho fundamentallywanttobecomfortableinatemporalsense,soIwouldntsaythatthat wasit,necessarily. Icantalkaboutmyowncase,whichsomeofyoumaynotknowabout.WhenIwas sixteen,Ireachedapointinmylifewhereitwaseitherfindhappinessordie.Iwasso drivenandsoachievementorientedthatIreallymadetypeAlookcatatonic.Seriously! Thatsthetruth;anybodywhoknewmebackthenwillconfirmit.SoIwasverylucky thatIhadanawakeningatsixteen,becauseotherwiseIdbedead. Interestinglyenough,Ididntknowwhathappenedtomeatthetime.Itwasclearlya bigexperiencewhichisaninterestingstoryinandofitselfbutIdidntreallyknow whathadhappeneduntilIwastwenty,whenIwasfortunateenoughtohaveareading withAnneArmstrong,averyrespectedpsychic.ShetoldmethatIdhadmany lifetimesasacelibatemonk,andthatIknewwhattodotosetmyselfup,asayoung

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personinthislife,tofacilitateanawakeningatsixteen.BecauseIwasntreligious,andI didntknowanythingaboutmeditationorspiritualityoranythinglikethat. Anyway,ithappened,anditchangedmywholelife,andsheacknowledgedwhathad happenedtomewhenImetherattwenty.ButwhatIwantedtosaywasthatthatwas thebeginningofthepath.Theawakeningwassortofawakeupcall.Manypeople awakenbutdontnecessarilygetonthepath.Awakeningisreallynotabigdeal;its reallywhatweare.Graceisreallyourfundamentalnature,andmanypeople experienceitinmanydifferentways.Butitdoesrequirebeingattheendofyourrope, toacertaindegree,forfreedomfromsufferingtoreallybecomeyourmainpriority. Thatsabsolutelyessential.Becauseittakesakindofdeterminationthatisunrelenting. Butyouvedemonstratedthatdetermination,actually;thatswhatImheretosay. Youvealreadydemonstratedthatthisweekend,evenifyoureinaprocessrightnow, evenifyourenotreallyinagroovyspace.Therearepeoplewhoareinaverygroovy spacerightnow;Iknow,Ivebeentalkingtothem.Iwontembarrassthemby mentioningtheirnames,buttheresarangeofwherepeoplearerightnowinthisroom. Soifyoureinaprocess,andalothasbeenstirredup,becarefulnottojudgethequality ofyourretreatbasedonthat. Thetruthis,yourenotqualifiedtojudgeit.Youdontreallyknowhowyouredoing. Thatsreallythetruth.Thatsnotaputdown;thatsreallythetruth.Ifyouliveinthe question,youllfindoutovertime.Ifyoureconfused,orifyourestirredup,I encourageyoutohanginthere.Inaway,itskindoftrickytocometoashortretreat, whereitsactuallyveryhot.Itsalittletricky,becauseitdoesmovealot.Thosewho havebeenherenumeroustimesandhavehadtheexperience,theygetit.Butifyou havent,andyoudontknow,itcanbealittledisorienting. Soyoulltaketheretreatwithyou.Theworkyouvedoneheredoesntendhere;its goingtocontinue.Somepartofyoumadethechoicetobehere,andIbelieveyoucan trustthatpartofyou.Andwhenyouleave,reallytaketimetocheckinwithyourself,to bestill,tonotjustautomaticallygetbackintoallthehabitsofyourlife.Itsveryeasyto dothat;itslikeatsunamithatsreadytoswallowyouupassoonasyougetoutthe door.Itcanhappen!SoIreallyencourageyoutomaketheefforttobeconscious.And stoppingmeditatingcanhelp. OneofthethingsthatJeansaid,whichIreallythinkisappropriate,wasitsnotgood toworktoomuch.Hesaid,spendsometimeeverydayinopenness.Hedidntsay sitonyourcushionandmeditatefortyminutesaday.Butitmightturnouttobethat way.Oritmightbethreehours,whoknows?Itsnotarigidprescription.Healsosaid,
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whenthereisnoonemeditating,thenmeditationishappening.Theformof meditationisnotmeditation.Theformsofmeditationareasetupto,Godwilling, discoverrealmeditation,thesocalledopenness,orgrace,ofourtruebeing. Soyoubecomeavailable,eveninthestruggle,evenintheturbulence.YousayOK,yes tothiseven,yestothismoment;andthenallowtransformationtohappen.Andyou maycry,andyoumayscream,andyoumayshakeinfear;allofthatmayhappen. Thatsjustmovement,thatsjusttheunwindingoftheegoprotectivewall.Thatisnot whoweare,thatsjustthecrumblinganddissolvingofthefalseself.Letithappen. Thatswhatyouwant.Isntit? Thetruthis,youvedoneincrediblywellhere.Itsbeenabeautiful,beautifulretreat.Its anincrediblepleasuretobesittingwithyouthismorning,andjustfeelinghowyouve beendoingyourwork.Believeitornot,youhavebeendoingyourwork.Theresahuge differencefromdayone,fromwhenwearrived.Huge.Andforthosethatknowme,I dontfibaboutthatkindofthing. Everyonespathisunique.Itsimportanttoknowthat.Youmayreadbooksby teachers,orpeopleyourespect,andthink,wellIguessthatsthewayitssupposedto happen.Thatswhathappenedtothem,right?OrifItellmystory,itswhathappened tome.Butyouhaveyourownstoryinthatregard,andthatsgoingtounfoldinitsown uniquewayforyou.Therearecommonelementsthateveryoneshares,andwhenyou begintogetit,youcanbenefitfromhearingthemandunderstandingthat.Butthetruth is,yourownunfoldmentisreallyveryspecifictoyou. Thatswhyitssoimportanttopayattention,closely,soyoubegintoletitunravel. Theresnooneelsewhocandothatworkbutyou,theresnotgoingtobeanygreat guruwhosgoingtozapyouintoenlightenment.Youmightgethigh,youknow,ina satsangenvironment,andkindofdigthathigh.Thatsnice,butthatisntgoingtodoit foryou.Youcangetaddictedtothat,andthenyoustayinthatimmature,adolescent spaceofwantingittobeservedtoyouonasilverplatter.Anditaintgonnabe! Soonceyouveawakenedandyoubegintogetthehangofit,itsimportanttotake responsibility,tobegintomovetowardsthetruththatyouare,andtorealizethat ultimatelyyoucantrelyonanybodyelse.Onnoteacher,noanything.Imnotsaying youshouldntgetsupport;supportisactuallyvery,veryimportantformostpeople. Learninghowtogetsupportisalsoimportant,andImhappytotalkaboutitwith anybodywhowantstoexplorethat. Ihavebenefitedgreatlyfromsupport.ItmaysoundlikeIvebeenblessedwithGod
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knowshowmanyincredibleteachersandhealersthatIvebeencloseto,whohave mentoredme,anditstrue.ButthatsbecauseIabsolutelycouldnthavesurvived withoutthem!Iwaswillingtogoanywhereonthisplanet,spendanymoney,devote anyamountoftimeIhadto,becauseIdidnthaveachoice!Itwasthatordeath. Sothatshowitworkedforme.Andtheresalotavailabletoday,intermsofsupport. AsIwassayingtoAdyatheotherday,Imjustfindingouthowtodothis,Imjust learninghowtoteach.Andhesaidright,thatshowitworks.Imfindingouthowto besupportive,inaway.Itstricky!Verytricky.Anyway,IhopethatImusefultoyou. Whatever! Theworkthatyoudoiswhatmatters,whatreallymatters.Andthen,asyougetthe fragranceasoneofmyteacherssaid,whenyournoseiscleanyoucansmellthe flower.Whenyougetthefragrance,thenyourejustpluggedrightintothe transmission.Andthenthatsveryuseful;itsactuallyveryhelpful.Justrealizeitsyou. Itsnotthatguyoverthere.Itsnottheyouthatstheme.Itstheoneness.Andwhen youretunedinthere,fallinloveasmuchaspossible.Completelysurrendertolove. BrotherDavidoncetoldmethatamonkisencouragedtofallinloveasmuchas possible.Whichdoesntmeantobeattachedtoeverysingleperson;thatsnotwhathe meantbylove.Hemeantthebigheart,theopennessofbeing.Therealizationthatwe arenotseparate.Thatislove.Thatisintimacy.Andifyourenotusedtoitits downrightfrightening,usually. Pleasecultivatenotknowing.Findouthowtocultivatenotknowing.Becreative.Let meknowwhatyoudiscover;everybodysmindworksdifferently.Imnotsaying cultivatestupidity.ThatsnotwhatImsaying!Trustme,Ihadtofigureoutevery singlethingthateverhappened.Itoldyou,mymotherusedtogetmethesepuzzles, andIwasgoingtofigurethemoutcomehellorhighwater,andIwouldsitandwork onthosethingsforeighthourswithoutstopping.SoIwasverycompulsiveintermsof figuringthingsout. WhenIwasonaretreatwithJeanKleinatMt.Madonna,many,manyyearsago,abig shifttookplace.Andhesaid,Liveinnotknowing.Andtheefforttofigurethingsout dropped,completely,atthatpoint.Anditwaslike,aaahhh,itwaslikeathousandtons ofbricksweretakenoffmyback,andIcouldnotbelieveit.IreallyrealizedthatIdidnt havetofigureitoutanymore,thatthatwaslikepushingatentonboulderuphill: pointless!Itwassucharelief,Icouldntbelieveit.Itwasjustopeningtothepresence, realizingthatwastheteacher,thatwastheguide,thatwasthefireoftransformation. Thatwasthetruth!ItwasntwhatIthought;itwasntwhatIbelieved.
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 Imspeakingatthedeepestlevel,now,aboutthedeepestlevelofunderstanding.The understandingofnotknowing.Itsarelief,ahugerelief,andyouwillfeelit.Forthose thatknow,youknowwhatImean.Itsahugereliefwhenthatburdenofneedingto knowfallsoff.Maybejustforamoment,maybeforanhour,maybeforaweekend. Maybefortherestofyourlife.Godwilling! TheDalaiLlamasaidthatthepurposeoflifeistobehappy.Iagree.Wealldeservethat. Everyonedeservestobehappy.Thatsreallywhatwewant,Ibelievethatsreallywhat wewant.AndIpraythateachandeveryoneofyoufindsit.

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JonexpressesdeepgratitudetohisteacherAdyashanti,whocloselyandwithlove mentoredJontofruitiononthepathandaskedhimtoteach. Jonexperiencedhisfirstawakeningattheyoungageof16,leadinghimtospendmany yearsintensivelypracticingintheZenandVipassanaBuddhisttraditions.Alongthe way,hisspiritualunfoldmentwasgreatlyenhancedbycloseteacher/student relationshipswithAdvaitamastersJeanKlein,H.W.L.Poonja(Papaji)andRobert Adams. JonholdsSatsangweeklyinSanFrancisco.Schedulesandcontactinfoareavailableat www.sfsatsang.org

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