e.p.o.v.

new moon
I ran so fast. The fastest I have ever run. The trees whipped past me. I thought of Bella’s words
before the fateful day in the baseball field. ‘What are you scared of?’ I had asked. ‘Hitting a tree’.
Her words hit me. Hard. I suddenly stopped. I needed to hunt. I spotted a deer several yards
away. I pounced on its back, bringing my mouth to its neck. The blood was weak, not filling, but
deer were the only animals in the area. I repeated this course of action five or six times after this
deer’s blood was completely drained.

I kept running north. I was going to visit Tanya’s clan for a while. Even though the pain was
unbearable I didn’t want to retreat out of my ‘vegetarian’ diet. I ran faster as the pain sliced
deeper. I tried to push it out of me, but I couldn’t it was too deep. I had lied to my true love. I had
left her, forever.

Once out of Canada I slowed. There were people here now that I was out of the forests. I started
to walk. The human speed was dreadful but I couldn’t pick up pace until the trees came back.

I got to Tanya’s in less than ten minutes after I reached the border. I came to her mansion door
and knocked three times. Irina came to the door. Her expression was confused but welcome.

“Tanya.” She called, “I think we have a visitor.”

“Hello, Irina.” I tried to sound happy to see her but all that came out was sorrow. It leaked from
me. She motioned for me to come in and I stood in the spacious living room. I heard Tanya’s foot
steps walking across the floor above and then running at the detection of my scent.

Edward!

I saw her the next second. She was in a skimpy purple cocktail dress. Her thoughts declared she
was heading out. She walked up to me arms open. I gave her a small hug, trying to be polite. I
think I failed. She stepped back.

“What’s wrong, why are you here?”

“I just wanted to visit some old friends.” The real reason, if I wasn’t with someone my type I would
resort to humans.

“Edward, what happened?”

“Well--,” My voice cracked. “I left her.”

“Left who? Edward?”

I couldn’t say the name. I tried to open my mouth to form the two syllable word. It was impossible.
Irina’s thoughts became inpatient.

“Well,” Irina said, “Why don’t we say some names and you nod, okay.”

I nodded.

Tanya spoke next, “Esme?”

I shook my head.

“Rose…Alice…?”

“No.”
They thought for a long time. Each thinking of other woman I knew. Tanya got it first. Bella. I
visibly flinched at the name. I sat down on the large leather couch. Tanya sat next to me and
rubbed my back, soothingly. I shook her off.

They didn’t need me too nod. I just sat there for a few minutes. This was not what I wanted.
Sitting made me antsy. I got up quickly and ran for the door.

I needed to do something to get out all this frustration and hurt. I ran for the forest. Hunting first.
On my first step into the forest it hit me. Victoria. She was in on the whole killing her thing. She
was James’s mate. She was persistent and stubborn. She had her mate killed. She didn’t have
the guilt of leaving him but the guilt not saving him. She couldn’t be standing for this. She was
going to want revenge.

I bolted back toward Canada. This was it. THIS was what I needed to do. If I track Victoria down I
would be helping her. But, what a long shot. I wasn’t a tracker. I was no where near James’s
skills.

I got to the border fled to the U.S. she had to be somewhere.

I ran down the western border of Canada. I reached Washington and abruptly stopped in my
tracks. I could smell her. Not Victoria. I hadn’t smelled her at all. Not even a trace, but her. I got
the faintest bit of her smell.

I knew I was probably just being paranoid. There was no way I could smell her from all the way
across flash of the scent was maddening, I took a step in the direction of the mouth watering
fragrance but turned east on the spot. I picked up pace again and ran toward Maine. I couldn't go
back. I'd left for a reason. To keep her safe. As I ran I felt light headed. Something I've never felt
since being a vampire.

That detection of her scent was not right. Maybe I was going crazy. I’m sure that wasn’t
impossibility. The last thing I needed right now was to be reminded of her scent, but I just was and
the pain was unbearable. I saw the forests on my sides, a blur. I don’t think anything has ever
been a blur for me since Carlisle had changed me. I realized I had stopped. The trees still a blur. I
felt out of breath. The unnecessary breath I breathed out of habit has left me and I couldn’t stand.

I fell straight to the ground and landed on my side. I wrapped my hands around my knees. How
can I not breathe or stand? I was a vampire for crying out loud! I didn’t need to breathe! But right
now, I feel like I do. I feel like I need oxygen to survive, but it wasn’t oxygen I needed.

Through all this bewilderment I hadn’t quite realized the extent of the pain, emotional pain of
course. I saw her face in my mind as I felt the moisture from the ground soak in through my shirt.
I saw the last look I ever saw on her face right before I left. Sadness.

After I shook off the look on her face I could breathe again and it felt the same as it had since I
was changed. I felt like I didn’t need it. I couldn’t quite sigh in relief. I has never experienced this
kind of pain I was feeling right now. I have known humans to be fragile in their emotions and I
have taken a note of how they feel when their in pain. They seem to be no responsive and
overwhelmed. I guess that’s where the incapability to breathe came from. I memory flashed in my
head.

She was lying on the floor. She was bleeding tremendously and her hair was soaked in her blood.
I saw the newly formed crescent bite mark on her hand and I felt extreme agony.

That did it! I had the memory from her being hurt. James. He's the one that hurt her. I wasn't
going to let her get hurt like that again. If she did I wouldn't be able to save her. Or comfort her,
though Mike could do that. I needed to find Victoria. If I could track her down then maybe the
aching I felt would go away. I would know that I did something to keep her safe. I knew the idea of
me tracking in thsi 'condition' would not be easy, but I needed to do this. As a farewell to my Bella.

October

November

December

January

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even if every tick of the second hands makes my
invisible heart ache. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does.
Even for me. (AN : Sound familiar?).

I wasn't tracking at this point, I hadn't caught a clue in which way Victoria was. I scoured all of the
U.S. except for one state. I was going to try to search there too but once I was too close to Forks,
(aka: thousands of miles away), I could smell her. Distinctly. I ran south immediately.

After that mishap I decided to go see my family. I hadn't talked to anyone since I left and I'm sure
Esme is worried sick. I was heading to Rio. I figured they had all went there, their favorite place in
South America.

Once I got there I was surprised to find none of them. But what I did find surprised me. Their
scent was going north. I could detect evry one of them. I followed the scent for a few hours not
really thinking of my suroundings. I was VERY surprised and shocked when I found myslef in
California. I knew they were'nt here. This place was far to sunny. I kept on their path. It led north
and north untill I relized it. They went back to Forks! Oh No! The one promise I made to her
broken. They could not interifer or I would have to collect them. I was actually scared. IO knew if I
saw Bella now I would never leave again. I ran straight north. Hopefully i could retrieve them
before this got out of hand.I had just entered Portland and I couldn’t run as fast as I wanted to
because of the people watching. Once I got to the cover of the forest I ran a full speed again, still
following my families path. I ran through the Olympic Forest and then I was only 30 miles or so
away from Forks. I had seven scents I could follow, and did, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice,
Jasper, Rosalie, and Bella. I kept on running.

Her scent was so powerful in me. I was in the forests surrounding Forks. My families scent was
behind me a few miles but I couldn’t help but look at her house. I wanted to run there so badly, I
instantly knew it was a very bad decision to come here, even if my family had interfered, which
they hadn’t of course. That moment Charlie walked out of the front door and into his car. The front
door started to open again, but I ran before I saw her.

I felt like all I was doing these days was running. It seemed to calm me.

I caught Carlisle’s scent again just as I was out of the forest. It went north and towards Alaska
again. What was that? Why had they gone right outside Forks and then back up again?

I stopped questioning when I realized they must have gone to the Delani clan. I followed Carlisle’s
scent back to the large house. I felt slightly guilty once I got there. I had run out on Tanya and
Irina when they were worried about me, but that wasn’t my fault they were talking about her. I
can’t really stand that just yet. Or just ever.

I knocked on the door politely. Esme answered and ran to give me a hug before I could talk. Her
thoughts centered on how worried she was about me. She let go after about5 minutes. She led
me into the house not saying a word.
Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Tanya and Irina were all together in the living room. Alice came to give me
a small hug before returning to her spot next to Jasper. Tanya also got her chance for a very
small hug before Esme interrupted.

“Edward?” She asked quietly.

I didn’t say anything.

“Are you okay, Edward?”

“I’m….” I was about to say fine but stopped myself. I wasn’t fine I was destroyed. I felt like I was
completely empty.

Esme glanced at Jasper. He looked like he shared my pain. Which he did. I felt bad for putting
this onto him. His thoughts declared he was trying to calm me and replace sadness with
happiness but he had failed.

“Oh, Edward.” Esme pouted and ran over to me again. Her dry sobs left me feel guilty.

“I’m okay.” I soothed her. “I need to talk to you guys.”

She led me to the large leather couch and set me down. I stood back up again.

“What is it, son.” Carlisle questioned.

“Why were you all in Forks?”

Alice spoke up, “We were looking for you.”

“And you thought I would go back there?”

“It was a possibility,” Alice explained. Then her expression became troubled, “You didn’t go back
there and see Bella did you!”

Even though I have gotten to the point of occasionally saying her name in my mind I was no
where near the point of saying it. The pain of only her name sent me crazy. I fell back into the
couch and leaned over to set my elbows on my knees. I put my head in my hands and did that
couldn’t breathe thing again. I was a mess.

Jasper got up to leave, followed by Alice of course. This must be hurting him too, though no
where near the amount of pain I had. I realized Tanya and Irina had left the room to give us some
privacy.

Esme was running her hand up and down my back, soothing me again.

Carlisle spoke up, “Edward?”

I didn’t say anything waiting for the question.

He continued, “Did you?”

“Sort of,” I replied after I got my voice in check. “I went there and saw Charlie, but I left before she
had come out her door.”I had just entered Portland and I couldn’t run as fast as I wanted to
because of the people watching. Once I got to the cover of the forest I ran a full speed again, still
following my families path. I ran through the Olympic Forest and then I was only 30 miles or so
away from Forks. I had seven scents I could follow, and did, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice,
Jasper, Rosalie, and Bella. I kept on running.

Her scent was so powerful in me. I was in the forests surrounding Forks. My families scent was
behind me a few miles but I couldn’t help but look at her house. I wanted to run there so badly, I
instantly knew it was a very bad decision to come here, even if my family had interfered, which
they hadn’t of course. That moment Charlie walked out of the front door and into his car. The front
door started to open again, but I ran before I saw her.

I felt like all I was doing these days was running. It seemed to calm me.

I caught Carlisle’s scent again just as I was out of the forest. It went north and towards Alaska
again. What was that? Why had they gone right outside Forks and then back up again?

I stopped questioning when I realized they must have gone to the Delani clan. I followed Carlisle’s
scent back to the large house. I felt slightly guilty once I got there. I had run out on Tanya and
Irina when they were worried about me, but that wasn’t my fault they were talking about her. I
can’t really stand that just yet. Or just ever.

I knocked on the door politely. Esme answered and ran to give me a hug before I could talk. Her
thoughts centered on how worried she was about me. She let go after about5 minutes. She led
me into the house not saying a word.

Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Tanya and Irina were all together in the living room. Alice came to give me
a small hug before returning to her spot next to Jasper. Tanya also got her chance for a very
small hug before Esme interrupted.

“Edward?” She asked quietly.

I didn’t say anything.

“Are you okay, Edward?”

“I’m….” I was about to say fine but stopped myself. I wasn’t fine I was destroyed. I felt like I was
completely empty.

Esme glanced at Jasper. He looked like he shared my pain. Which he did. I felt bad for putting
this onto him. His thoughts declared he was trying to calm me and replace sadness with
happiness but he had failed.

“Oh, Edward.” Esme pouted and ran over to me again. Her dry sobs left me feel guilty.

“I’m okay.” I soothed her. “I need to talk to you guys.”

She led me to the large leather couch and set me down. I stood back up again.

“What is it, son.” Carlisle questioned.

“Why were you all in Forks?”

Alice spoke up, “We were looking for you.”

“And you thought I would go back there?”

“It was a possibility,” Alice explained. Then her expression became troubled, “You didn’t go back
there and see Bella did you!”
Even though I have gotten to the point of occasionally saying her name in my mind I was no
where near the point of saying it. The pain of only her name sent me crazy. I fell back into the
couch and leaned over to set my elbows on my knees. I put my head in my hands and did that
couldn’t breathe thing again. I was a mess.

Jasper got up to leave, followed by Alice of course. This must be hurting him too, though no
where near the amount of pain I had. I realized Tanya and Irina had left the room to give us some
privacy.

Esme was running her hand up and down my back, soothing me again.

Carlisle spoke up, “Edward?”

I didn’t say anything waiting for the question.

He continued, “Did you?”

“Sort of,” I replied after I got my voice in check. “I went there and saw Charlie, but I left before she
had come out her door.”I had just entered Portland and I couldn’t run as fast as I wanted to
because of the people watching. Once I got to the cover of the forest I ran a full speed again, still
following my families path. I ran through the Olympic Forest and then I was only 30 miles or so
away from Forks. I had seven scents I could follow, and did, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Alice,
Jasper, Rosalie, and Bella. I kept on running.

Her scent was so powerful in me. I was in the forests surrounding Forks. My families scent was
behind me a few miles but I couldn’t help but look at her house. I wanted to run there so badly, I
instantly knew it was a very bad decision to come here, even if my family had interfered, which
they hadn’t of course. That moment Charlie walked out of the front door and into his car. The front
door started to open again, but I ran before I saw her.

I felt like all I was doing these days was running. It seemed to calm me.

I caught Carlisle’s scent again just as I was out of the forest. It went north and towards Alaska
again. What was that? Why had they gone right outside Forks and then back up again?

I stopped questioning when I realized they must have gone to the Delani clan. I followed Carlisle’s
scent back to the large house. I felt slightly guilty once I got there. I had run out on Tanya and
Irina when they were worried about me, but that wasn’t my fault they were talking about her. I
can’t really stand that just yet. Or just ever.

I knocked on the door politely. Esme answered and ran to give me a hug before I could talk. Her
thoughts centered on how worried she was about me. She let go after about5 minutes. She led
me into the house not saying a word.

Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Tanya and Irina were all together in the living room. Alice came to give me
a small hug before returning to her spot next to Jasper. Tanya also got her chance for a very
small hug before Esme interrupted.

“Edward?” She asked quietly.

I didn’t say anything.

“Are you okay, Edward?”

“I’m….” I was about to say fine but stopped myself. I wasn’t fine I was destroyed. I felt like I was
completely empty.
Esme glanced at Jasper. He looked like he shared my pain. Which he did. I felt bad for putting
this onto him. His thoughts declared he was trying to calm me and replace sadness with
happiness but he had failed.

“Oh, Edward.” Esme pouted and ran over to me again. Her dry sobs left me feel guilty.

“I’m okay.” I soothed her. “I need to talk to you guys.”

She led me to the large leather couch and set me down. I stood back up again.

“What is it, son.” Carlisle questioned.

“Why were you all in Forks?”

Alice spoke up, “We were looking for you.”

“And you thought I would go back there?”

“It was a possibility,” Alice explained. Then her expression became troubled, “You didn’t go back
there and see Bella did you!”

Even though I have gotten to the point of occasionally saying her name in my mind I was no
where near the point of saying it. The pain of only her name sent me crazy. I fell back into the
couch and leaned over to set my elbows on my knees. I put my head in my hands and did that
couldn’t breathe thing again. I was a mess.

Jasper got up to leave, followed by Alice of course. This must be hurting him too, though no
where near the amount of pain I had. I realized Tanya and Irina had left the room to give us some
privacy.

Esme was running her hand up and down my back, soothing me again.

Carlisle spoke up, “Edward?”

I didn’t say anything waiting for the question.

He continued, “Did you?”

“Sort of,” I replied after I got my voice in check. “I went there and saw Charlie, but I left before she
had come out her door.”