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extract - 10x
by Vulpine
I exhale and all concrete thought is obliterated. As is so frequently the case with this kind of experience, the very act of putting it into concrete language diminishes the experience. The very nature of the psychedelic experience, by its very real otherness from everyday experience, means that it cannot be properly dened in the language of that everyday experience. Often, when coming up onto a more gradual entheogen like mushrooms, I have had a thought along the lines of Oh yes, this is what its really like to be here, because I realize again anew how much my recollections and writings after the fact can only pale in comparison to the reality, or maybe more properly the unreality of tripping. This drastic shift is made perhaps all the more stark by the fact that on this salvia trip, as is so common with this drug, I completely forgot that I had taken anything; indeed I forgot so completely that maybe I couldnt even have explained to you (to the extent that I could have done anything) that such a class of substances we call drugs (or psychedelics or entheogens or whatever) even existed at all. I set the bong down, and some part of me is aware that my torso is falling back so that I will lay prone on the bed, only it seems like an incredibly long fall. A very long fall indeed. I dont know if I actually pulled the blindfold fully on. Because my time sense was temporarily non-functional, the rest of this paragraph seemed to happen/coexist simultaneously. All statements were true at once: I was a ve-pointed wheel. Reality itself was the ve-spoked wheel. It was actually not at in the way a wheel is at. It had innite depth, like each spoke of the wheel was a long shelf stretching out into the distance. It was kind of like a paddle wheel on a boat, only each of the ve buckets was innitely long and deep. I was actually a consciousness inside the tumbling object, rotating in its chambers while aware of all the chambers. They were full of light and beautifully riotous colors. As I tumbled in my colorful bucket, through an opening in my chamber I could sometimes see out into another world, the base or real reality. What I could see of this world consisted of a grassy green plain upon which an innite number of feet (wearing sneakers??) were moving engaged in the act of rolling or rotating the bizarre wheeled object I was inside; I could even hear the feet striking the ground and feel the vibration from all those marching feet in my body. I became cognizant that my entire life, or what I had perceived it to be, all 27 years, were actually an illusion. They were merely a fancy I had generated while watching the interplay of light, color, and shadow in my bucket. Any minute now I would be tumbled out onto the grass, forever lost from this false, comfortable reality and loosed into the base reality outside, forever cut o from the illusion of my life I was used too. A profound sense of panic and fear came over me. I didnt want to be cut o from the life I had known, I really liked it! I began to struggle and ail in my chamber, trying to pull myself away from the opening. If I pulled away at just the right moment I could return away from the base reality to the reality I was familiar with. If only I could just . . . Some tiny semblance of normality came back (remember, all of the above occurred to me within the space of minutes or seconds of normal time) as I again became aware I was lying on my bed with a blindfold on my face (I think maybe only partly covering my eyes) which I removed with great eort. The memory of smoking a hit of very potent salvia divinorum slowly, very dimly, struggled back into my mind. As if for reassurance of this fact, but really still with little conscious
Exp Year: 2005 Added to Database: Oct 30, 2007 Gender of reportee: male
A Generated by exp pdf.pl v.1.35 using perl & pdfL TEX on Wed Oct 2 05:52:42 2013 GMT.
by Vulpine
thought, I groped for the bong. Somehow I found it without knocking it over. The panic and fear were fading but the room kept threatening to continue its maddening rotation. Everything was jiggly and turning. It felt stiingly hot in my apartment. Still not really sober, I got to my feet and managed to turn the A/C back on. I had the eeting notion, obviously false, that for the last several minutes I hadnt been breathing at all. Realizing I shouldnt be moving much yet I sat for a few moments in the chair by my computer before I had enough balance and togetherness to go out onto my deck for fresh air. I sat by the door for a bit, breathing the humid but lightly breezy seeming night air, then went to lean on my balcony and look at the world. Another eeting, irrational thought: what if someone sees me on drugs and calls the cops? This paranoid impracticality was quickly suppressed by the everyday logic that there is nothing about a shirtless man leaning on his balcony to suggest a drug user or to otherwise merit a call to the police. Probably because I was ghting so hard against the eects of the drug, which right then didnt seem pleasant at all, the comedown seemed to take much longer. I went back inside and pet the cat while sitting on the small bed in my living room that I use mostly as a couch. I thought about the notion I heard secondhand from the Tibetan Book of the Dead which suggests that when you die entities come whose job it is to dismantle your ego what makes you the person who you are. If you are ready for them, they appear as angels but if you struggle they seem to be demons. That night, they had denitely been demons rather than angels. I decided to go for a walk I felt trapped inside the four walls of my apartment and even more so inside the boundaries of my skull (a peculiar feeling). I managed to nd a shirt and shoes and my keys. I walked around my apartment complex, then I decided I needed a shower to cool down and cleanse myself. I walked to the corner store and got some cold iced tea to drink and a bar of soap since I had run out. I felt more stable and balanced now, well enough grounded, but still distanced from reality as if I was watching everything from a remove. The shower was very refreshing and pretty much cleansed the rest of the weirdness and brought me more or less back down to earth, leaving the customary feeling of groundedness I usually have after salvia trips. I feel quite alive and very glad (also, relieved) to be so. This is a good feeling. However, I dont think Ive achieved increased acceptance of the impermanence of all things (what my new acquaintance earlier tonight referred to on IM as the law of undulation). While I stood on my deck I had the certainty that I wouldnt want to try salvia again for a while. However, now I think Ill probably go back sometime soon with the intention to let go more fully and try to accept the angels as angels.
Exp Year: 2005 Added to Database: Oct 30, 2007 Gender of reportee: male
A Generated by exp pdf.pl v.1.35 using perl & pdfL TEX on Wed Oct 2 05:52:42 2013 GMT.