Person Perception and Courtship Progress among Premarital Couples Author(s): Bernard I.

Murstein Source: Journal of Marriage and Family, Vol. 34, No. 4 (Nov., 1972), pp. 621-626 Published by: National Council on Family Relations Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/350313 . Accessed: 11/10/2013 02:48
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Person Perception and Courtship Progress Among Premarital Couples*

BERNARDI. MURSTEIN Departmentof Psychology, ConnecticutCollege, New London, Connecticut Predicatedon the belief that person perception was related to courtshipprogressand that men are more important to courtshipprogress than women, a college sample of 98 premaritalcouples receiveda shortenedform of the MaritalExpectation Test taken under eight different "sets": self, ideal-self, ideal-spouse, partner; how partner perceives you, his ideal-spouse,himself, and his ideal-self Hypotheses predicted that six months later Ss making good courtshipprogresswould be those who earlierhad confirmed their partners' self and ideal-self concepts and also accurately predicted these concepts. It was also predicted that the man is a more important perceptual targetthan the woman.Hypotheses were essentiallyconfirmed. The perceptions of an individual regarding himself and his spouse have been shown to be associatedwith marital adjustmentin a considerable number of studies(Preston,Peltz, Mudd, and Froscher, 1952; Dymond, 1954; Corsini, 1956; Eastman, 1958; Luckey, 1960a, 1960b; Stuckert, 1963; Kotlar, 1963, 1965; Pickford, Signori, and Rempel, 1966; Hurley and Silvert, 1966; Taylor, 1967), but the relationof person perception to marital choice has been largely ignored. A recent theory called StimulusValue-Role (SVR), however, focuses heavily on the role of communicationand person perception in maritalchoice (Murstein,1970). The theory postulates that the more "A" likes "B," the more he discloses his "private world" to "B." In a "dating" situation, therefore, if "B" already has some positive feeling for "A," "A's" disclosure to "B" is rewardingbecause it marks "B" as worthy of receiving intimate information. Accordingly, "A's" communication raises "B's" self-esteem, and "B" is thereby encouraged to reciprocate by also disclosing intimate information about himself (Worthy,Gary, and Kahn, 1969). The act of disclosureto a receptivelistener is not only rewarding to the listener but also serves as a cathartic agent for the teller, who may express feelings perhaps not heretofore expressed. The repetition of these mutually rewardingexperiences over a variety of topics leads to an increase in the attraction of the members of the couple toward each other.
*This research was conducted under NIMH grant 08405 in 1968. The author is indebted to Barbara Baldridge, Shirley Feldman, and Regina Roth who gave the manuscript the benefit of their criticisms.

Because the members of such couples are strongly attracted to each other, it is further hypothesized that the information they reveal to each other is retained better than information obtained by individuals in less intimate relationships; consequently, couples who develop a closer relationshipto each other should be more accurate in their perceptions of each other's feelings, aspirations, and beliefs than couples whose relationship does not deepen with time. Further, because intimate disclosure from a liked person is rewarding in that it conveys a feeling of respect and trust in the listener, such communication increases the probability of the listener accepting what the individualsays about himself. So far the discussionhas been pursued with the implicit assumption that both members of the couple possessed equal ability to reward each other; however, this is not necessarilythe case with respect to maritalchoice. Historically, men have manifested greater control over women than vice-versa (Murstein,in press), and, despite much change, economic and social power in the United States today is still disproportionately distributed by sex to the woman'sdisadvantage. It is further hypothesized in SVR theory, therefore, that the cost of abstaining from marriage is still currently greater for women than for men, since the formertend to improve their standard of living and status more by marriage than do men. To compound the difficulty for women, the age difference between marriageable men and women, the women's shorter age range of marriageability, and their longer life-span put them in greater supply and in less demandthan men. The effect 621

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of the greaterpower of men, therefore,is that, in courtingsituations,the man is

... the one who usually takes the most active role. He often is the one who actively initiates the relationship by asking for a date. He also is more often the one who is the first to commit himself to the relationship and who, in the everyday aspects of the courtship, decides about such activities as dinner arrangements, movies, and dances. The woman occupies the more passive role as the recipient of the man's wooing. She is not as likely to manifest signs of disturbance during the courtship simply because she has less role-prescribed need to initiate the contact and to make decisions ... .If she accepts the man as a legitimate suitor, he is expected to shoulder most of the interpersonal responsibilities from that point on. [Murstein, 1967:450]

Because the man's power in maritalchoice is greater than that of his partner,it is hypothesized that confirmation1 by the woman of his self and ideal-self concepts should have greater consequences for courtship progress than confirmation of the woman's self and ideal-self concepts. The man's tendency to confirm the woman's self and ideal-self image should make her like him a great deal but should not affect courtship progress as much as in the former case, because of his greater power in the relationship.Moreover,since the initial step is up to him, and because she as the less powerful individual in the relationship stands to lose more by the collapse of courtshipthan he does, the woman will focus on his needs and self-imagemore than he will on hers;as a result, it is hypothesized that women who make good courtship progress (move closer to marriage) should be able to predict their boyfriends' self and ideal-selfimageswith greateraccuracythan women who do not make good courtship progress. Conversely, the lesser importance of the woman'sself and ideal-selfimagesshould be reflected in the fact that good and poor courtship progress men should not differ greatly in their ability to predict their partners' self and ideal-selfconcepts. The greater importance of the man should also make his intraperceptual world more important to courtship progress than the intraperceptualworld of the woman. Intraperceptions refer to a comparisonof two perceptions which stem from the same person. They are to be distinguished from interperceptions
1The distinction between confirming and predicting should be noted. Confirming involves the tendency to perceive the partner in the same way as he perceives himself. Predicting in the paper signifies forecasting how the partner will see himself or his ideal-self.

which refer to a comparisonof two perceptions where each perception comes from a different person; hence, a man's comparison of perception of his self with his perception of his partner's self is an intraperception;his prediction of his partner's self-concept when compared to her actual self-concept comprises an interperceptualmeasure.It is hypothesized that the man's perception of the degree of fulfillment of his expectations is more importantfor courtship progress than his girlfriend'sperception in this regard. The hypotheses alluded to may be summarized as follows: 1. Accuracy in predicting the partner's self and ideal-self concepts will be more characteristic of couples making good courtshipprogress than of those making poor courtshipprogress. 2. Because men exercise a superior status compared to women in our society, their importance as a perceptualtarget(the object of perception) is greater than that of women. Therefore, the association between courtship progressand predictive accuracy will be greater for women predicting men's self and ideal-self concepts than vice-versa. 3A. The tendency for the woman's perceptions to confirm the man's self and ideal-self concepts will be significantly greater for good courtship progress couples as opposed to poor courtshipprogresscouples. 3B. No significant differences are predicted between good and poor courtship progress couples regardingthe tendency for the man to confirm the woman's self and ideal-self concepts. 4A. The intraperceptual congruencies (the tendency for any two perceptions of a person to coalesce) of good courtship progress men will be significantlygreaterthan those of poor courtshipprogressmen. 4B. However, the intraperceptualcongruencies of good courtship progresswomen should not differ significantly from those of poor courtshipprogresswomen. METHOD Subjects The sujects consisted of 98 couples who volunteered to participate in a study on interpersonalrelationships.Most of the couples had gone together for a considerablelength of time, the averagelength of acquaintancebeing slightly less than two years. All the women were students at Connecticut College. Most of the men also were college students coming mainly from a number of eastern institutions. November 1972

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Each S was to receivefive dollarsas payment for his serviceswhich included taking a battery of tests and questionnaires. The woman received a packet containingher tests, and, upon successfully completing all of the materials, a similar packet was mailed to her boyfriend since almost all boyfriends lived out of town. All Ss were told not to communicateabout the responsesto the test and that evidence of such communication would result in invalid protocols and nonpaymentfor participation. On the return of the boyfriend's packet, as agreed earlier,each S received two of the total of five dollars which he was to receive. Approximately six months after the return of the girlfriend's packet, each S was mailed a five-point follow-up questionnairewhich asked the subject to choose which of five alternatives best characterized the present state of the couple's courtship: We are very much closer than before and moving towards being a permanent couple, or we are a permanent couple (5); We continue to have a very close relationship, and we may become a permanent couple although our relationship has not changed radicallyin the last six months (4); We continue to see a lot of each other but we have not really become much closer in the last six months (3); We still see each other but the relationship shows a considerable amount of strain. We are further apart than we were six months ago (2); We have broken up and/or are not a couple any more (1). Each subject was mailed three dollars on the return of his follow-up questionnaire. One hundred thirty-six women filled out their packets, but only 101 of their boyfriends returned theirs. Of these 101 couples, 98 returned their follow-up questionnaires, and those constituted the subjects analyzed in this study. Criterion All couples in which the combined courtship progressscore of the couple totaled 8 or more were designated as making good courtship progress,whereas those with a score of 7 or less were designated as poor courtship progress persons. This procedure of combining the couple's courtship progress scores for greater stability appearedjustified since the correlation between couples for courtshipprogresswas .86. By virtue of the cutting score employed, 64 couples were designated as good courtship progress,and 34 as poor courtshipprogress. Test Each S received, along with other tests, the November 1972

Marital Expectation Test (MET) which is a factor analytically derived inventory constructed by the author. Each item is rated on a five-point scale from very true or very frequently, to most untrue or very infrequently. The stems measure stimulus attributes, value orientations, and role behaviors desired in marriage. Although the eventual use of the METwill involve scores for the separatefactors, the present use was simply to compare each of the items for similarity of response when the test was taken under different perceptual"sets" or points of view, as will be explained shortly. There is a male version (135 items) and a female version (130 items), but the first 76 items are identical for both sexes, and these were used in the present analysis. The test-retest reliabilityof the eight different "sets" after an interval of several weeks using another comparablegroup varied from .49 to .99 with an averagevalue of .76. The test was taken under eight different "sets" randomly arrangedwith slight modification in the wording of each item so as to be appropriate to the "set." Each "set" had a different object of perception as follows: Self, Ideal-Self,Ideal-Spouse,Boyfriend(Girlfriend), How Boyfriend (Girlfriend) Sees You, How Boyfriend (Girlfriend) Sees His (Her) IdealSpouse, How Boyfriend (Girlfriend)Sees Himself (Herself), and How Boyfriend (Girlfriend) Sees His (Her) Ideal-Self.2 RESULTS The first hypothesis was tested by comparing the accuracy of prediction for the self and ideal-self of good courtship progress couples against the accuracy of prediction of poor courtship progress couples. The score for a given predictionwas the absolute sum of the 76 MET item discrepanciesbetween his prediction and his partner's perception. The results are expressed as four t-tests (prediction of man's self, man's ideal-self, woman's self, woman's ideal-self) in Table 1. In the interests of space, the origin of the percept is identified by a indicatesthe man's subscript;hence Ideal-SelfM ideal-selfconcept. A captializedletter followed by an arrow indicates the person doing the prediction; hence W-- Ideal-SelfMrepresents the woman's prediction of her boyfriend's concept of his ideal-self.
2Two other "sets" were given: Importance of Items About Partner to You, Importance of Items About You to You. However, interviews after testing indicated that some Ss confounded their rating of an item's importance with their personal viewpoint about the item; consequently, these "sets" have been omitted from the analysis.

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TABLE 1. MEANS, STANDARD DEVIATIONS, AND t VALUES, BETWEEN GOOD AND POOR COURTSHIP PROGRESS MEN AND WOMEN FOR INACCURACY OF PREDICTION OF SELF AND IDEAL-SELF CONCEPTS Good Courtship Progress (N=64) Variables /Ideal-SelfM--W--Ideal-SelfM/ Mean 56.78 58.29 60.47 61.09 S.D. 13.17 15.52 11.19 12.72 Poor Courtship Progress (N=14) Mean 64.32 67.21 67.06 61.71 S.D. 15.44 15.74 10.90 11.85 t 2.41** 2.66** 2.77** .23

Ideal-Selfw/ /Ideal-Selfw-M--o SelfM/ /SelfM-W--+ /Selfw-M-. Selfw/

Note: The higher the score the more inaccurate the prediction. **p < .01

Inspection of Table 1 indicates that Hypothesis 1 is generallyconfirmedin that both of the good courtship progress women's predictions and one of the two good courtship progress men's predictions are significantly more accurate than the poor courtship progresspersons' predictions. The sole nonsignificantfinding lay in the failureof good courtshipprogressmen to predict their girlfriends' self-concepts more accuratelythan poor courtshipmen. The second hypothesis which called for superiorityof good courtshipprogresswomen's predictions over those of good courtship progress men was tested by computing bi-serial correlations between accuracy of prediction and courtship progressstatus. As hypothesized, the associationbetween predictiveaccuracyand courtship progress status for self-concept was significantly higher for women (rbis=.65) than for men (rbis=.06), the differencebeing significant at the .01 level. Contrary to prediction,
TABLE 2. t VALUES BETWEEN GOOD AND POOR COURTSHIP PROGRESS GROUPS FOR CONFIRCEIVED PARTNER PERCEPTIONS Variable /SelfM-Boyfriendw/ /SelfM-Ideal-SpouseW/ /Selfw- GirlfriendM/ /SelfW-Ideal-SpouseM/ /Ideal-SelfM -Boy friendW/ /Ideal-SelfM-Ideal-SpouseW/ /Ideal-SelfW-Girlfriend M/ /Ideal-Selfw--Ideal-SpouseM/

however, no difference was found in accuracy of prediction of the ideal-self concept, the values for women and men being, respectively, .63 and .61. Hypothesis 3A was tested by obtaining the unsigned discrepancy between each person's self and ideal-self concepts and the partner's perception of his ideal-spouseand his boyfriend (girlfriend).Table 2 indicates that, as predicted, the self-concepts of the men in the good courtship progressgroup were significantlyless discrepant from their partner'sperceptions of them and also less discrepant from their partners'ideal-spouseperceptions,than was the case for poor courtship progress couples. Similarly, the Ideal-SelfM-Ideal Spousew discrepancy, as predicted,was significantlysmaller for good courtship progress couples than for poor courtship progress ones. Contrary to Hypothesis 3B, however, the Ideal-SelfwIdeal-SpouseM discrepancy also was significantly smaller for the good courtship progress

MATIONOF SELF AND IDEAL-SELF CONCEPTS TABLE 3. t VALUES FOR SIGNIFICANT BY THE PARTNER'SIDEAL-SPOUSE AND PER- INTRAPERCEPTUAL COMPARISONS BETWEEN
GOOD AND POOR COURTSHIP PROGRESS MEN t 1.68* 2.98** .29 .11 .92 1.75* .35 1.72* Variable Selfw/ Ideal-Selfw/ /Ideal-SelfM -Ideal-Spouse Ideal-Spouse /Ideal-SelfM-M--Ideal-Selfw/ /Ideal-SelfM-M--/Ideal-SelfM--M-o- Selfw/ Boyfriendw/ /Ideal-SelfM-M-/GirlfriendM-M-. Boyfriendw/ /SelfM-M-o /SelfM-M-i t 2.12* 2.03* 1.98* 2.02* 2.86** 1.93* 1.81* 1.74*

Note: Discrepancies were always smaller for good courtship progress couples. *p < .05 **p < .01

Note: All discrepancies were smaller for good courtship'progress men. *p < .05 **p < .01

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couples than for the poor courtship progress ones. The fourth hypothesis was tested by computing t tests between, good and poor courtship men and good and poor courtship women for all intraperceptual comparisons.Since the number of variables for each sex was eight, all possible comparisonsof two variablesat a time [n(n-1)/2], or a total of 28 intraperceptual comparisons was computed for each sex. Of these, eight were significant as predicted (Hypothesis 4A) for men and, also as predicted (Hypothesis 4B), none were significant for women. The significant comparisons for the men are shown in Table 3. DISCUSSION The results generally support the four hypotheses with the exception, that, contrary to prediction, the ideal-self concepts of the women tended to be predictedmore accurately by good courtship progressmen than by poor courtship progress men and also confirmed more by the men's ideal-spouseexpectations. This unexpected finding may have resulted because good courtship progresswomen were more revealingof their aspirations (ideal-selves) than poor courtship progress women, though not of their self-concepts. Perhaps women are more apt to discuss their ideals than their self-concepts. This might be because they believe that focusing too much on the self will not get a man to propose to them. Table 1 reveals that although the good courtship progress men were somewhat more inaccurate in predicting their girlfriends'selfconcepts compared to their girlfriends' idealself concepts, exactly the opposite was true of the poor courtship progressmen. It may well be, therefore, that the poor courtship progress women talk as much about themselvesas good courtship progresswomen, but their boyfriends are not favorablyimpressedby what they hear. Obviously, these speculations await further study. The main conclusions stemming from this study are that ability to predict the partner's self and ideal-self concepts and the tendency to confirm them in terms of one's own expectations for the partner are predictive of good courtship progress six months later. However, the women proved much more influential in this regardboth as predictorsand confirmersof men's self-concepts than men vis-'a-vis women. Focusingon the intrapsychicworld as measured by comparingany two perceptionsby the same person, the congruence of the men's perceptions was positively associated with good November1972

courtship progress, but the women's perceptions were not. It is difficult to escape the conclusion from our findings that men are more powerful than women in determiningthe course of courtship. Because they usually have greater rewards to offer women in termsof economic security and status than women can offer them, they may select women who are highly sensitive to their needs but not too demandingof sensitivityand attention from them. Or, it may be that these women are not so much selected as converted to this differential in attention during the course of courtship. There is another possibility. The average layman thinks that women are naturally more interested in interpersonal relationships and people than men, and the research literature gives moderate support to the claim that women are more accuratethan men in interpersonal perception in general. It is conceivable, therefore, that because women's inferior status has existed since the onset of history (Murstein, in press), selection has taken place, with the more perceptually accurate and amenable women being selected for marriage.The only way to test this thesis in even the broadest sense, however, would be for society to grant equality of status for women, thus permitting an investigation of whether their superior acuity diminisheswith status achievement. There are severalalternateways of accounting for our findings which ought to be considered. It might be thought that accuracy of perception and the tendency to confirm the partner'sself and ideal-self perceptions are not related to courtship progressbut are a function of length of courtship. However, a comparison between the mean length of acquaintanceship for poor and good courtship progress couples showed no significant difference. More important in this regardwas the fact that the good courtship progress couples, at the time of testing, were significantly more confident that their courtship would terminate in marriage than were poor courtship progresscouples, and the accurate and supportiveperceptions of the partnermay well have been associatedwith this confidence. It might also be arguedthat the roles of men are more stereotyped in our society than are those of women, and hence the former are easier to predict. This assertion may well be true, but it does not explain why the good courtship progress women were more accurate and confirming than the poor courtship progress women unless it is assumed that good courtship progress men adhere more to the 625

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perceptionsand spouse perceptions."Joursocietal stereotype than do poor courtship nal of Counseling Psychology7:3-9. progressmen. If true, this would not invalidate 1960b "Marital satisfaction and congruent selfthe presentfindingsbut would point to the role Social Forces spouse concepts." of sociological norms in influencing marital 39:153-157. choice. Corsini(1956) found some support for Murstein, B. I. this viewpoint a long time ago, but regrettably 1967 "The relationshipof mental health to marinot much effort has been expended in this tal choice and courtshipprogress." Journal directionsince then. of Marriage and the Family29:447-461. 1970 "Stimulus-value-role: a theory of marital In sum, the presentstudy indicatesthat for a choice." Journalof Marriage and the Family college volunteer group, perceptual scores are 32:465-481. associated with marital choice, and that the (in press) Love, Sex, and MarriageThroughout man as a perceptual target is of considerably History.New York:Springer. in is the marital choice than greaterimportance B. I. and G. D. Beck Murstein, woman. REFERENCES Corsini,R. and similarityin marriage." 1956 "Understanding Journalof Abnormaland SocialPsychology 52:327-332. Dymond,R. 1954 "Interpersonal perception and maritalhappiness." Canadian Journal of Psychology 8:164-171. D. Eastman, 1958 "Self acceptance and marital happiness." Journalof Consulting Psychology22:95-99. Hurley,J. R. and D. M. Silvert 1966 "Mate-image congruity and maritaladjustment." Proceedings of the American Psychological Association Convention: 219-220. Kotlar,S. L. 1965 "Middle-class marital role perceptions and marital adjustment."Sociology and Social Research 49:284-291. Luckey,E. B. 1960a "Implications for marriage counselingof self

(in press) "Personperception,marriage adjustment, and social desirability."Journalof Consulting andClinicalPsychology. Pickford,J. H., E. I. Signori,and H. Rempel 1966 "The intensity of personalitytraits in relation to maritalhappiness."Journalof Marriageand the Family28:458-459. Preston, M. G., W. L. Peltz, E. H. Mudd, and H. B. Froscher 1952 "Impressions of personalityas a function of maritalconflict." Journalof Abnormaland SocialPsychology47:326-336. Stuckert,R. P. 1963 "Role perceptionand maritalsatisfaction-a configurational approach." Marriage and FamilyLiving25:415-419. Taylor,A. B. 1967 "Role perception, empathy, and marriage adjustment." Sociology and Social Research 52:22-34. Worthy,M., A. L. Gary,andG. M. Kahn 1969 "Self disclosure as an exchange process." Journal of Personalityand Social Psychology 13:59-63.

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