GOOD

MANNERS;

mraal of

IN

GOOD

SOCIETY.

Good

mannerj!

are

jieroeXuaUetter"Mtrcomfeendatory."
"

Manners

make

t^rfe-a^/

'

,"

"

""

"

"

"

"

PHILADELPHIA
PORTER
82?.

"
CHESTNUT

COATES,
STREET.

"PN

Entered,

acoci'ding

to

Act

of

Congress,

in

the

year

1870, by

PORTER

AND

COATES,
Court
c

In

the

Clerk's in and

Office
for

of

the

District D'strirt

of f

the

United

States,

the

Eastern

Pennsylvania.

HEARS

"

DUSENBERY,

STEREOTYPERS.

I
"

""".
c (

?*?7"/.c J"
: \
I

v"wru
.:
'

"?***$?
1

"/

PREFACE.

HEREWITH

the of

author

aspires
;

to meet

social
a

requirement
of

long

standing
on

namely,
of

work

genuine

authority
and
treat
manners.

all

points Many

etiquette,
fessing protimo
;

ceremonial,
to
to

books from

of

these

subjects

have

time

been books

written,
have standard

published,
in

circulated
errors,

but

these
an

abounded

indicated written

inferior

of

taste, and

been

by incompetent
It such A is
not

persons.
to

difficult have work

on

divine
to^

the fulfil
must

reason

why
object.

manuals

failed
manners

their

standard from
:

necessarily
moves

proceed
best
most

the
but

pen then of

of

one

who persons
wants

in

the the who

circles

such
the

are

for

part
a

ignorant
lower
to

of

those

occupy

position publishers
to

in
;

the

social
if

scale;
in
natura

inaccessible dilettante

and,

given

way

literary pursuits, turn

("""% 111)

M125528

IV

PREFACE.

ally

to

the

composition
treatises.
so

of

novels, books
Few,
a

of

travel, or
care

political
write
upon

also,
if

would
even

to

trite
work

subject,

the

desirability of
notice
;

the

were

brought

under

their
an

and

this

chiefly, perhaps, because

has

unmerited
of
an

ridicule

hitherto

attached them

to

books
with
rosa,

etiquette.
sense

People
of
out

purchase
read In
are

uneasy

shame,
of

them the

sub
same

and

keep

them

sight.
sexes

way

young

persons
when

of

both
to

invariably
In all
this

ashamed
there

learning
false

dance.
real
at

is

more

pride

than

bashfulness.

People
taught
matter

are,

in

truth,
minor

annoyed

having
and

to

be
no

these how

accomplishments, they
may

"

young have
may
no

be,
what

in

what

seclusion tages disadvanhave it of

they

may

lived,
have

under

early
would
no

they
believed

labored"

fain fine

that
no

social of
to

nicety,

point

etiquette,
familiar No

grace

bearing,
them. be
more

is

other

than

and

natural
can

pride
more

well

mistaken

no

vanity
not

utterly misplaced.
A
man

Etiquette
unobtrusive
a

is
;
a

innate.

modest

man

is
;

good-natured

is

obliging

feeling

man

is

PREFACE.

considerate

and

in
tact

so

far

as

unobtrusiveness^
very may
not
even
';

amiability,
of be

and

are

the

foundations'
be said
a

good

manners,

such

persons But

to

naturally
from
a

well-bred. his
"inner

saint

could,
evolve

consciousness
the

alone,
one

conception
of of

of

thousand fashionable

and

social A

observances

modern

life.

knowledge

those

social for
is
"

observances

is
to

absolutely
live
cannot

indispensable
;

all

who

aspire

in

society
be

and

it like

acknowledged reading
"come and

that

expected,
has

writing"
nature." much is
;

(as Dogberry

it), to
of
in

by

By
what

the

children forth

wealthy
the from

parents

of

is set

following
earliest
and
now

pages

sensibly in-

acquired
even

infancy
may then

but
find
a

persons

so

bred

born and

well upon

themselves

uncertain

point
To
well

of

ceremonial.
and

these
as

all

"

to

the

cr"ne

de

la

cr"me

as

to

the

great

body

of

the
to

middle be alike

class

public,
"

this

manual

professes
to

useful

and for the

a

necessary.
work
on

Applied
Good

by
and

the

publishers
of

Society,
of the

convinced Author

great

importance

subject, the

Tl

PREFACE.

has

not

only
to treat

endeavored

to

the

best

of

her

ability
omit

of

it

under

all

its

aspects

to

no

point,
with
a

however

trivial
;

to

provide guide approached

to

her

readers

faithful

and

judicious
she

in

social every
her

emergency with the sincerest

but
;

has

task

desire

be

useful

to

others

and

to

perform
educational

her

part
movement

in

the

tion promowhich

of

that

great

is

even

now

engaging
the generous

the

sympathies
of

and

prompting
and
noble

labors

so

many

wise

thinkers.

CONTENTS.

PA01

CHAPTER

I.

ON

GOOD

MANNERS

IN

GENERAL

1
...

CHAPTER

II.

LETTERS

OF

INTRODUCTION

"

CARDS

DRESSES AD-

17

CHAPTER

III.

VISITING

"

CALLS

23

CHAPTER

IV.

CONVERSATION

31
"

"

"

CHAPTER

V.

LETTER-WRITING

"

INVITATIONS

44
....

(vii)

Vlll

CONTENTS.

PAQB

CHAPTER
THE

VI. 54

LADY'S

TOILET

CHAPTER
THE

VII. 64

GENTLEMAN'S

TOILET

CHAPTER
RIDING AND DRIVING THE

VIII.
PROMENADE

"

70
.

CHAPTER
EVENING
PARTIES

IX. 81
....

MORNING

AND

CHAPTER
THE BALL

X. 93

CHAPTER
TABLE

XI.
PARTIES
.

ETIQUETTE

DINNER

103
. .

CHAPTER
ENGAGEMENT
AND

XII. 129

MARRIAGE

CONTENTS.

IX

PAGE

CHAPTER

XIIL

VISITING

AT

COUNTRY

HOUSE

137

CHAPTER

XIV.

HINTS

ON

CARVING

142

CHAPTER

XV.
149

TRAVELLING

CHAPTER

XVI. 151

ETIQUETTE

IN

CHURCH

CHAPTER

XVII.
153

PLACES

C7

AMUSEMENT

CHAPTER

XVIII. LADY*S

THE

ARRANGEMENT

OF

HOUSE,
.

AND

MANAGEMENT

OF

SERVANTS

156

CONTENTS.

PAG!

CHAPTER

XIX.

WINE

AT

TABLE

162

CHAPTER

XX.

GENERAL

HINTS

TO

BOTH

SEXES
....

171

CHAPTER

XXI.

WASHINGTON'S

RULES

OF

CIVILITY"
.

183
. .

CHAPTER

XXII.

FRANKLIN'S

"

RULES

OF

CONDUCT"
. . .

190

CHAPTER

XXIII.

CHESTERFIELD'S

SENTENCES

AND

MAXIMS

192

GOOD

MANNERS.

CHAPTER

I.

On

Good

Manners

in

General.

WHAT Good
elegance
next?

is

Good

Society
How becomes

What

constitutes
it that of the the

Manners?

happens
the

of
From

one

age

vulgarity
human the
"

immemorial
divided into
two

time

the sections

family
Polite tinction? dis-

has and

been the

Vulgar.
What

Whence
was

arose

that

broad
definition the be

the first
?

primitive
discovered may These the both
are

of

Politeness? of

Who

bilities possi-

Vulgarity
first of

How

resolved

into
which

their have

elements? late

questions
attention
no means

engaged
are

serious

of

the
"

learned.

They
no
means

questions
to

by
the

trivial

by

unessential
even

student

of
and

history.
say that
nor

We

might

go

farther of
one

than mankind

this,
in in

neither the
can

the

history
of any

general,

history
be
a

nation
and ciated appre-

particular,
without

duly
much

understood

fuller

knowledge

of

the

GOOD

MANNERS.

rise
has

and

progress been
or seem
mere

of

manners

and

customs

than either

hitherto

deemed

necessary

by

historians It would the the weaker

students. that

good

manners

were

ally originfrom
state
an

expression
to

of

submission
In
a

the

stronger.

rude

of of

salutation is to this society every the Hence commonest worship. and which signs of courtesy with earlier from those familiar, date life
and
as

day
acts,
we

act

phrases,
are now

stages
hand

of

our

nation

when

the

strong
his take

ruled,

the

inferior

demonstrated Let
"

studied

servility.
"

us

for
*'

allegiance by the example

Sir,"
once

words
use

Sir"

and

Madam."

in

the on equals, but now only proper from lips of inferiors, is derived Seigneur, Sieur Sire, and Lord, Ruler, King, originally meant title Father. The and, in its patriarchal sense, of Sire was ancient last borne of the by some has feudal Selden families of France who, as rather said, "affected to be styled by the name of Sire than Baron, as Le Sire de Montmorenci
among

and

the

like."
or

Madam,
into

Madame,
and

"Ma'am," tribe into "Mum,"

to
"

corrupted by our Gamp by Mrs.

is
in
"

servants

and

her

Dame and rank.

equivalent -Ma Your Your exalted," Highness" or high-born or stately, originally meaning being applied only to ladies of the highest
substance

ON

GOOD

MANNERS

IN

GENERAL.

To
We

turn

to

our our on

take We

off bow when

our

every-day forms hats on meeting being introduced

enter
our our

of
an

salutation,

ance. acquaintstrangers
he door.

to

We We the

rise
wave

visitors hand
or

drawing-room.
as

to

friend from leaves

our

window,
in

drives manner, he

away

passes The
on

Oriental,
threshold of the

like

his

shoes The

the

when

Tonga
feet. The
a

a pays Islands kiss

visit. the soles

natives
a

of

tain's chiefin the

acts

Siberian

peasant
Each

grovels
of these

dust has very

a

before

Russian
an

noble. historical

primary,
word
as
''

it
a

significance. The in first place, dethe rived salutation," is from salutatio, the daily homage
client of
an

paid by
in head itself
was

Roman
a

to
manners.

his

patron,
To

suggests
bare the
to

history
rulers. A

originally

act

of
a

submission

gods

and A

bow

is

modified

tion. prostraflection. genuacts to

is a modified lady's courtesy and Rising are standing

and the when
we wave our

of
the
are
as

homage;
friend
on

hand

opposite side of unconsciously imitating the

Selden before
tells the
us,

street, we Romans who,

"somewhat

the

used of

to

stand their

off

Images the right hand moving it,as if they had cast Again, men remove
shake of hands

Gods,

to

the

lips glove
custom

and

solemnly casting they evidently

his

kisses." the when

with

feudal

origin.

The

lady a knight
"

removed

iron

GOOD

MANNERS.

gauntlet,
been
and has

the

pressure
harsh for

of
the

which

would
a

have
laine, chate-

all too

the

custom

which
to
us as

travelled
How
are

down
we

palm of began a point

that

fair

in
of

necessity etiquette.

to

define

unmistakable

that makes as an something, as subtle essence, gentlewoman? May or a good a gentleman breeding be acquired as an art? and if so. where does the best to seek not professors ? Who are we all other wish to give his children, above plishments, accomthat the Manners what what
are

inestimable of Good

branch

of

tion, educaia

Society?
what without may
may
are

What

learning,

abilities,
is A

personal
this
as one

attractions,
supreme

wealth,
man

essential?
as

know have made

many
tific scienor

languages
Darwin,

Mezzofanti,

discoveries may
be

greater
as

than
as a

tho*e

of

Herschel

Rothschild, as brave of hesitating a Napier, yet if he has a habit as dling his words, or twisting his limbs, of twidover of his thumbs, laughing boisterously, of of what account trifles, doing or saying awkward
rich

is

he

in

socioty?
she
were

So
fair

likewise
as

of

woman.

Though
modern

accomplishments,
generous, her
were manner

Helen, skilled well-dressed,

her voice
were

in

all

goodover-

natured,
loud,
if she
or

yet
too

if

confident;
knife in her her

above mouth
or

all,
at

to

put

her

dinner;

who

would

think

of

beauty,

her

ON

GOOD

MANNERS

IN

GENERAL.

accomplishments,
would
But say

or

her

fine would

clothes?
tolerate be

Who
her?
to
stitute con-

invite
we

her?

Who

would
these

by
mere

no

means

understood

that

outward of

observances

the

gestures,
as

nor

infallible

twiddling,
are

terrible

Neither good manners. be accepted habits, can tones, nor signs of good or ill breeding. Thumband lolling, and knife-swallowing, and would habits be, of enough,
essence

course,

sufficient

to

exclude

who

from practised them society ; not only because

man or woman any the precincts of good

they are in themselves because but gone offensive, they would point to foreof associations a vulgar kind ; but they that the primary of necessity prove do not tials essenthe of to good manners foundation, so the edifice which of good manners speak, upon in those is wanting unfortunate be built should who are guilty of the offences in question. persons that That foundation, primary essential, innate innate is goodness, goodness ness, gentleunselfishness. these innate Upon ties, qualithese based all those and servance obalone, are
" " "

and under the

manners,

customs

which Good

we

class

together
these

head

of be
art

Manners. do

And
not

good
consist

it remembered,

merely

in
a

the
room

of

well,
all

bowing tering gracefully, of enof talking easily, of being

minor have habits all of the know best all

au

courant

with A
man

the

society.

may

this,

GOOD

MANNERS.

this, and
untruthful,
Good
the outward

yet, if he

selfish, or ill-natured, or fail altogether of being a true man. gentlemanners are far, indeed, from being
evidences

be

training and disau cipline. They fond, the kindly fruits are, refined As of nature. elevated a just and the thoughts expressed in choice language are of index and a highly trained well-regulated does mind, so unimportant, act, however every and insignificant,reveal gesture, however every the kindly, considerate, of modest, loyal nature and the the true true gentleman lady. Hear
mere

of

what

Ruskin the
true

has

to

say
:
"

of

the

characteristics

of
"

gentleman
structure

gentleman's
of the

first in
most

characteristic

is

that

fineness

the

body

which

renders and it

it

capable of
structure

delicate the mind

sensation,
ichich renders
"

of that capable

in

delicate of the most one sympathies 'fineness of nature.' This is, may say, simply, of course, compatible with heroic bodily strength firmness in fact,heroic and mental strength is ; without conceivable ruch not delicacy. Elephantine drive its way strength may through a forest, feel no touch but the white of the boughs and ; skin

of

Homer's

Atrides

would

have

felt

bent of
not

its subdue rose-leaf, yet feelings in glow 1 do itself like iron. behave battle, and
mean

to

call

an

elephant
him

vulgar

animal
will

but find

if

you

think

about

carefully, you

GOOD

MANNERS.

the with may the

touchstone

of

genuine
at

breeding.
prosy
our

To

listen

patience,
he best
; to

however the

entertainer

smile
or

thrice-told

jest ;
or mere

to

yield
most

seat,
kindness

the
are

choicest

dish,
of

the

amusing
but

volume,

acts,
of

not

civility,
So of every
"

of

and rule

unselfishness. social

other
that

prescribed
abstinence

conduct

so

of

tion interruption or contradicconversation of that in suppression of a ; of that cheerful countenance concealing ; yawn inward anxiety or weariness; of those perpetual endeavors to please and to seem pleased, which end second to the nature really a by becoming of these well each bred one Analyze person.

from

acts,
towards

and

it the

resolves

itself
the

into
or

concession
the comfort Its

feelings,
Its
essence

vanity,
is

of

others.

unselfishness.
The

animating
is

spirit
be

is

forbearance.

tion proposi-

demonstrable
the

by
parent

If

goodness
the

of reversal. process of politeness, is not

Is not bad parent of vulgarity? Is not Is selfishness vulgar? vulgar ? temper scandal not vulgar? Are not greediness, egotism, honesty, disinquisitiveness, prevarication, lying, and and one all,utterly vulgar ? In a word,

badness

it

vulgar? that desire If, then, we ladies and become gentlemen,

not

vice

our can

children
we

shall
them

make
upon

so,

by lavishing professors, dancing masters,

you,

think

money

foreign
tours,

continental

ON

GOOD

MANNERS

IN

GENERAL.

tailors,and
is far those
an

dressmakers? less

Ah,
and

no!

good
earlier

ing breedthan in from

costly,
Let of
our

begins
ones

far be

things.

little

nurtured

atmosphere
nursery where
are

the

gentleness and let them upwards;

a

kindness
grow
an

up

in

home word and

rude unknown

gesture
;

or

ill-tempered
father and mistress

alike

where

between

mother,
friend the for law

master

and

servant,

maid,

and

and friend, parent of truth, of kindness, and the

child,
of of
we

prevails ration consideself. send

others,

forgetfulness
world,
whither

Can them ness, home been friends

as

into they carry of later, aught

of has

coarseness,

of

untruthfulif their have their

slatternliness,
been

of
if

vulgarity,
their

orderly,
servants

refined,
and

their

parents well-mannered,
and
our

playmates
Do
;
to
our we

kind
want

themselves?
the world
tastes
manners

carefully trained boys to succeed

and loved
;

in

their their

be

girls to elegant ;

be

admired

their

language
must

choice;
;

simple, charming, then friendships elevating? we

"

graceful
to

their

ourselves

be

what

we

would the

have

our

children that
at

be,
ners, man-

ro-

membering
like Good We should

golden charity, must

are an

maxim, begin
immense
no

good
social
to teach

home. force.
our

manners

therefore what
to

children in their

spare do, and

pains
to
"

what life.

avoid When

doing,
we recom
flect," re-

pathway
says

through
"how

Emerson,

manners

10

GOOD

MANNERS.

mend,
in all
manners

prepare,

and

draw

clubs,

manners

people together; make the members;

of the his
most

how,
how

make
;

the

fortune

ambitious
manners

youth
marry manners; and
to

that,

for

the

part,
what

him,
what

and,
when

for
we

the think

most

part, he

marries

keys

they

are,

secrets;
of is

what

inspiring
what

tokens

character
in
see

high they
us

lessons convey;
the

and and

divination
this fine

of

required telegraph, we
and what

for what
to

reading
the

range

subject has,
form,
and
" The says, resolute and

relations

convenience,
same

beauty."
maxim of

Again
courts

the

writer A
an

is power.

calm
bellishment em-

bearing, a polished the of trifles, and

speech,
art

of

hiding

all

uncomfortable

courtier
real

essential to the feelings, are Manners cate impress, as they indiA

man

point
which train
him the
a

power. broad carries a

who contented and

is

sure

of

h's

and
;

everybody
to
an

reads and
man

air of

manner,

expression, cannot rightly you except by making

that
manner

the

kind

of

whom

is

natural

premium
On

expression. reality.'' on
as

Nature

for

ever

puts

utilitarian, try
;

well

as
our we

social

should
manners

to

instruct
whether
or

principles, we children in good

them
to

for

wish

succeed

in

the

world

to

adorn We

society, the
must
never

equally important.
of
the

fact, thaf

here

teachers

and

point is lose sight professors

ON

GOOD

MANNERS

IN

GENERAL.

11

can

do

little,
to
no

and

that

the the

only
habits

is

possible
live in

acquire
other.

way of

in

which

it

good

society
makes
a

is to

"A

blockhead

blockhead

his
;

companion,"
so

quoted
leaven

and

will

little

the writer last says of vulgarity leaven No awkward

as

the

whole
as

social
a

lump.
of
so

habit

is

so

easily acquired
;
no

habit

lation gesticuthat be
a

slovenliness

insidious wishes with

to

of
tleman gen-

incorrect

speech.
must

lie

who

associate habits
are

only

those and

whose whose

tastes

and

gentlemanly,
be
defined person is

language
Manner

is refined. is

only

to

by
has

series
no
ner. man-

of

negations.
The the what ill-bred he

The well-bred

well-bred person

distinguished
he

from

not person, undone. leaves

by

Avhat The

does,
in

but
person

by
he host

well-bred person do. The

utmost

just
knows

differs what

from he

the

ill-bred
to

that

breeding
siveness. in short,

consists To is
;
to
to
or

ought not chiefly

well-bred down

very

in

the
and

unobtru-

be
to

well-mannered.
e"/o

keep
of

occasion

to

control
be

feeling;

every noiseless from

upon of expression

the

every

bearing
all
that

and

strong gentle
the
sma

speech: feelings
sacrifices

abstain

may
to

hurt

prejudices of others; without make to seeming

that for
in

make them
one

1
a

in

word,
Others But

to

remember
not

society

lives

for

and

oneself'.
is
not

politeness

like

robe

of

state,

to

12

GOOD

MANNERS.

be
no

worn

only

of etiquette bear place do more tify grathan in the home circle, where, ing results with formality, tempered stripped of their mere fostered by all kindly impulses, they love, and character and bear the their choicest improve will show A fruits. much true gentlewoman as

upon the laws

occasions

of

ceremony.

In

courtesy,
husband,

and
as

observe

all

the

little

duties her the

never

of

liteness po-

unfailingly, and family as

A
true

towards

parents, greatest

towards will

strangers.
that if he in kindness
is

gentleman
to

forget
and he

is

bound

exercise with
in

courtesy
the

his

intercourse do upon
so

world,

to doubly bound who those depend and example.

his

intercourse
lor

with

him

advice,

tion, protec-

Etiquette
of
tend

may

be

denned

as

the

minor

morality
thaf.
can

iife.
to

N""

observances,
the the
is

however of

minute,

spare
under

feelings
head
but

others,
;

be

classed

of another

trivialities
name

and

liteness, po-

which

for wheels

general
of

amiability, will oil the effectually than more

creaking
any
or

life

of

those

unguents
faut
been

supplied by
"*

mere

wealth veritablement
et

station.

Pour

etre

poli. il
has

etre

la

lois by
"
"

bon,
a

juste,
modern she

genereux,"
French that

well this codes is

sa'd
true,

writer;

and
severe

of

despite etiquette
and

fact

have

often

extremely prevailed
Most

in

the the

most

vicious

dissolute

courts.

of

Ten

ON

GOOD

MANNERS

IN

GENERAL-

13

Commandments
courtiers boldest dared
to

were

habitually
XIV.
;

violated
among would hat

by the
the have

of

Louis that
or

yet

which

of sit.

profligate
eat,
or

circle
his

unbidden, in of that and the haughty exacting presence But, then, etiquette is not ness, politeSovereign? external of it; but vesture only the mere True counterfeit. often the too mere politeness inward visible is the outward sign of those called spiritual graces modesty, unselfishness, of a gentleman The manners are generosity. soul. His of his the index speech is innocent, his thoughts because his life is pure direct, are ; is because his actions are upright; his bearing his impulses, and his blood, and gentle, because hi? training are A true gentle also. gentleman is entirely free kind of pretence. He from every instead it. Mere of exacting avoids homage,
put
on

ceremonies
not
to

have

no

attraction

for

him.

He

seeks

do them. His to things, but sincere, will be hospitality, though hearty and His friends strictly regulated by his means. will for their be chosen good good qualities and say

civil

manners; and

his

servants, his

for

their

truthfulness their ness, useful-

occupations, their gracefulness, or or moral, or tendencies, whether

And
so we
"

honesty:

for

come

round
manners

maxim

that ; i.e.

good

elevating mental, or tical. polifirst again to our the kindly are

their

fruit

of

refined

nature."

14

GOOD

MANNERS.

And
more

if
true

this
is

be it of

true

of

mankind,
!

how Granted

still that
selfishness, un-

womankind

truthfulness,
are

gracefulness, considerateness,
essential how the
to

the

breeding

of
must

true

gentleman,
not

they
That

be
tact
even

to

infinitely essential breeding of a true

be
even

lady
syni*/

her

should

readier, her
*

pathies
than

tenderer,
of the

her

instincts
seems

even

finer,

only fit and and all In her, politeness, pr"voyance, natural. lutely absoof the minor observances etiquette are She be must more even indispensable. niceties in all those her man a guard than upon which the of are speech, look, and manner, of good indispensable credentials especial and little nial, ceremobreeding. Every drawing-room quette etilaws of all the precedence, the whole her. familiar be of hospitality, must to in these And points, artificial though they even 'of be, her best guide, after all, is that kindness is due, honor where which heart gives honor the anxious is ever which to spare and feelings
those
man,

and

prejudices
Every
mistress
a

of

others.

of

house, upon

be

it

remembered, bounty
the

is

minor and
court

sovereign,

whose

comfort,
little
care

that

her

of her refinement happiness, and She take must especial depend. servants are capable, well-trained, that her

and
are

reliable, and
carried
on as

domestic
and

arrangements

noiselessly

easily

as

if

by

16

GOOD

MANNERS.

ledge

of

ancient

and

modern

history,

of

the

of the literature, and rent curtime, is indispensable to the Next most ordinary conversationists. even in familiar comes a importance acquaintance French and German with the Nor languages. of much the is mere value, unless knowledge Some be taste equally cultivated. familiarity with made classes. lecture of
were

of English progress affairs of our own

the
not

best

schools

of
but

art

and
to

music

is

now

only possible
Museums,

easy

persons

of all

schools

of art,
and

halls, loan
years
unattainable

exhibitions,
such
means

reading-rooms, the like, have

of
culture
as

late

placed
years

by

gentlemen
within

and reach

nobles
of the

of

hundred

humblest taste,
be

mechanic. it

ago If

remembered,
becomes
to

taste,

knowledge
remains

is knowledge power, is delight. Without mere pedantry, and

study
Let

the

last

unfruitful

and

tractive. unat-

us

in

conclusion
as an a

by Tennyson, just definition

of
"

following equally comprehensive true gentleman :

"

add

the

lines and

We

see

him
all

as

he

moved, wise,
of

How

modest, what in what

kindly,
sublime

accomplished,
how
a a

With And
Not

repression
and

himself, perch
ground
of years

limits,
his

tenderly:
lawless

making

high
but

place
nor

Of For

winged

ambitions,
thro' the white

vantage
this
a

pleasure:

all
of

tract

Wearing

flower

blameless

life."

CHAPTER

II.

Letters

of

Introduction
"

Cards
"

Addresses.

DO
you under

not

lightly

give

or

promise
remember you

letters that

of
when

troductio in-

Always give
an

letters

of

introduction
to

lay yourself
to

obligation
be addressed. you

those If

friends

whom any them

they
the
to

may

they

live

in

of

great

cities,
the

in of
to

measure

compel
the those cities
to

undergo
you

penalty

escorting
some

strangers

whom

introduce

of the

places
abound.

of

public
In

entertainment
case,

in

which friends table.

any

you
them be

put
to
too

your their

the

expense

of

inviting
We
cannot

cautious
a

how
or

we

tax too

the ously seri-

time

and the

purse

of

friend, mutual ask will

one

weigh advantage

question

of

in whether

the

introduction. the person

Always
introduced
to

yourself
be
an

acceptable
you

acquaintance
him will it is may in any you
;

the the for

to

whom

present
him

and

whether

pleasure
the
time him.

of
or

knowing
money

compensate
cost to

which

entertain
unsuitable
an

If habits upon

the
or

stranger

way inflict

in

ment, temperafriend of intro-

annoyance
In

your

instead

of

pleasure.

questions

18

GOOD

MANNERS.

duction,
fort

never

oblige

one

friend

to

the

discom*

of

another.

Letters

of

introduction
where
to

are new

necessary
comers

in

the

country,
a
new

of

the

particularly abode, and wish place. In the

call

enter

enter
case
new

the the
comer

best

society
brings
a

last the when

inhabitants

should letter

first, unless

of introduction, of

he in.

is the he

first to his

call. ter letis

Instead, however,
and returned. in person. card, and Never It

going
till
a

sends formal of

waits deliver

this

visit

letter

introduction
most

wait There
not

in places you position imaginable, and while it is being read, is also another the
reason

the

nified undigyou

compels
like
a

to

footman.

why
of your whom

you

should
;

be

i. e.,

yourself compel you

to

bearer
to

introduction you
are

those you, that notice if

duced intro-

receive
may

whether

not.

It
to

be
no

they
of the

arc

they choose or sufficiently illletter when

bred and

take such would

sent-,
with with

in

case,

you

presented

yourself
you

it.

they

most

probably
more

receive

rudeness.

It is at

all events the the

give

them If

option,
receivers

and.

polite on your perhaps, more

the you
return

part to sant. plea-

of
upon

letter
or

be leave their

really
cards
tions atten-

well-bred,
the
next

they

will

call

day,
the

and

within

the other

you week.

should

If, on

hand,

stranger

sends

you

LETTERS

OF

INTRODUCTION.

19

letter law

of of

introduction,

and

his holds

or

her

card for
next

(for
both

the

sexes),
but you
to
are

you follow
in
a

etiquette are bound,

up that

here
not

good
to

only
do
so,

call

day,
If

attention
to
an

by
the

others.
next
to

position
is
not to

correct

proceeding
Should
this

send be the

invitation your
to

dinner. you
can

within

power,
some

probably
concert,

escort

stranger

exhibition,

other or public building, museum, likely to prove interesting to a foreigner visitor. In short, etiquette demands shall kindness exert yourself to show you to the stranger, if only out of compliment who If
a

place
or

provincial that
to

the

friend

introduced
you

him

to

you.
to

invite

strangers
to

dinner

or

tea, it is
than
to

better with

compliment
them
an

ask

some

others,
You
are

dine

tete-d-tetc.

opportunity of and friend in are assisting your still further the for which promoting purpose he the Be introduction to yourself. ful caregave the at time such same only to ask persons the as are quite sure are stranger's own you social equals. A letter of introduction be must carefully of the person worded, stating clearly the name with few but introduced, as personal remarks It suffices, in as to most possible. cases, say
that
trust

affording them acquaintances,

thereby making other

so-and-so your other

is

friend will

of

friend

yours, receive

whom with

you
atten-

GOOD

MANNERS.

tion.
letters

In

travelling, one
introduction. for
the hint
new

car/not

have the
to

too
custom

many in
on

of

It

is
coiner

foreign
residents
to

towns

call

the

first,a
abroad.

that

may
a

prove

acceptable
short dence resi-

persons A
letter
not

contemplating
of introduction
because you your have
own

long
should

or

be

given
may

sealed, un-

only
what

your

friend
but

wish
as a

to

know

said,

also
As you.

guarantee
should
never

of

good
a

faith.
unless rule

you
can

give
of the
observe. the its

such

letter this

speak highly
is easy to fasten to letter
to to

bearer,

of
your

etiquette
friend the

By envelope

requesting
before

forwarding
tacitly give
Let and your the

destination,

you

mission pernote-

inspect
the

its contents.

paper
size. The

be

of

best

quality
is
a

of

proper The Glazed

ladies'
to

fashion

of
should

cards be

variable

one.

visiting card
cards cards
are are now

perfectly simple.
out

wholly
smaller card when card be
a

of fashion,
than y""ui

and used

cut

they
a

be.

Never
upon Never way.

leave

with

business business

address call. in if any

it, except
use a

making
that

is

ornamented tinted

Let The
one one

it

perfectly plain,
of
two

like.
have and

official

the in left corner engraved in the right. All merely honorary be omitted, except designations should

possessor address

residences

you should

or

in

CARDS.

21

cards

designed engraving should

not

for

in
no

Gothic

or

with be in

flourishes.
corner.

the ladies

have the

The purely official visits. be in writing, simple Italian Roman be adorned letters, and The address should always Some and ried unmargentlemen custom adopted the continental
and Miss

of
as

omitting

Mr.

upon

their

cards

ALFRED
or

JOHN

MAJORIBANKS

LUCY

CARRINGTON.

And

the

fashion
for

is

good
but

one.

Autographic
detestable remarkable

fac-sirniles
in

visiting-cards are
persons
those

tations affecfor

of whose autographs, or fac-similes A be prized as curiosities. autographs, would card bearing the autographic signature of Longfellow
or

any talent, whose

Whittier the would the

would

whereas

possess signature of
be
not

certain Smith

rest; inteor

John

Mary
would

Jones
render
must

only
bordered

valueless,
Persons with
with

but in

owner

ridiculous.
cards

mourning

have

black. rents pa-

Young
do
to

unmarried
not

ladies

living
below

their

have
;

their
as

require separate name placed

cards.

It is better

that

of

their

mother

MRS. Miss

STEWART
STEWART

BFNG.

22

GOOD

MANNERS.

Some

married

people,
card, engraved

when thus:

visiting
"

together,

use

single

MR.

"

MRS.

CHARLES

BROWN.

Leave-taking
conc/g)
dire written

cards in the

have

P.

P.O.

(pour
or

prendre (pour

P.D.A.

corner,

adieu).

Wedding-cards
as

should

be The

as

simple

and and

tentatious unos-

possible.
the

envelopes

cards

should

be

of

very

best

quality.

24

GOOD

MANNERS.

call, send a making Always, when up your who the door. card, by the servant opens leave when card find the person a Always you have called absent from home. upon^whom you When returning visits of ceremony, you may without card at the door, impoliteness, leave your without Do quire fail to ingoing in. not, however, if the If there visitors are family be well. to distinguish staying in the house, it is better the intended for them cards by writing their A married above names own. lady, calling your her married husband's card a lady, leaves upon
for
the Unless

husband
when

of

her

friend. thanks your

returning and announcing it departure from, town,

to

for

"kind

quiries, in-

arrival considered
a

in,

or spectful re-

is

not

send

round

cards
are

Visits
after visits and the of

of condolence
event

by paid

servant.

within them.

the

week

which
kind
are

occasions made who

as

Personal
relations be
ful careas

this

only by
should little

very
to

intimate the

friends,
conversation

make

painful

possible. In paying visits of congratulation, you should tions. congratulaalways go in, and be hearty in your round cards are Wedding generally sent such wishes to to quaintance people as one keep up acwith,
and these A will call also the first due
on

the the

newly-married
parents
who

pair.
have

visit you

is
to

to

invited

wedding.

VISITING

"

CALLS.

25

A
week
at

call
or

should

invariably
upon friends have
an

be
or

made

within

fortnight
house received

acquaintances
or

whose have A

you

dined,
to

from
dine.
to

whom

you

invitation will If you

well-bred
at

visitors
cannot

any

person time.
to

endeavor
are

receive
and
to

occupied
it is better
are

afford
your

be

interrupted,
to

instruct

servant

"at

home,"
hours. the
;

except
If
a

upon
servant

that say certain

once

you

never

days
admits
at
a

and

at

certain
within

visitor

hall,
but take

receive
care

him that A

the

venience inconany circumstance should

never

does

not
a

occur

again.

lady

ladies waiting. Some only receive visitors this stated but a on day in each week ; is a somewhat pretentious custom, only to be justified by the exigencies of a very lofty position. Umbrellas and should overcoats always

keep

visitor

be

left When

in
a never

the

hall. makes hat both

to
or

gentleman
leave should would The hat
or

should

his take be

morning call,he riding-whip in the

a

hall,
do
at

but

into

the

room.

To much
on a

otherwise home.

make
never

himself be of

too

should any

laid

table, pianoforte,
but
are

article

furniture,
If the you floor.
a

must

be

held

compelled to When going

whom and

properly in the hand. lay it aside, put it on the to spend evening

visit in

with

friend

you

often,
the

leave

your

hat,

gloves,

great-coat

hall.

26

GOOD

MANNERS.

Never when he you

take make

favorite
a

dogs

into call.

drawing-room
Their feet may
or,

morning

bark at dusty, or they may strangers, take being of too friendly a disposition, may

the

liberty
upon your
a

of

lying
may

on

a or

lady's
an a

gown,

or

velvet

sofa

friend

have the

chair. easy favorite cat and in

jumping Besides, already

case
a a

established
battle may

before
ensue.

fire,
to

that

constitutional
never

Many antipathy
own

persons,

too,
and in the

have others

dogs,
seen

allow

their For

to
or

be

tion-rooms. recep-

all

visitor

has

no

the

society
Neither

of

right his dog

when

to
as
a

of these any reasons, inflict his friend upon of himself. well as

mother pays
to

is it well with her

for

take

morning ; unless their they are usually wellpresence, trained, can only be productive of anxiety to hostess. She, while yourself and your striving interested in them, to amuse them, or to appear is secretly anxious for the fate of her album, or
the mother say If
never or

children

she

young visits

ornaments

upon

her

efag"re

while

the should

is do

you pay

children trembling lest her something objectionable. do not keep a close carriage, you ceremony with drawing-room clothes is
a

should weather.

visits

of

in

wet

To

enter

mud-bespattered

boots

and
or

lady
On

damp gentleman
a

faux

pas

that

no

will crowded

commit.

entering

drawing-room-,

go

at

VISITING

"

CALLS.

27

once

to

house,
A may

your pay the and take should

respects
seat

to

the

lady

of
to

the
you. he

she

indicates
vacant

gentleman
Place

find, without
a

any troubling his for

a

take

chair
to

hostess

think until Never

for him.
she takes

chair
you

it before
a

sit beside
near

lady

her A

own,

upon unless

lady, and wait sit doAvn yourself. sofa, or on a chair a

she
to

very
so.

invites
rise
not

you
the It

to

do

gentleman
ladies.
to

ought

of

lady

does one's As
a

upon rise. in

entrance

is not
to

missible per-

leave fire.

chair

order

get

nearer

the is

only
whom

duction introgeneral rule, an the followed by a bow, unless

your
or

persons her are

some

to

hostess

introduces

relations
reason

special
their hand. A

old very she desires In

no

friends,
that this
to
case

and

you for

you you
a

should

make your hand

acquaintance.
man

has

right

take shake

give lady's
hands
to
a

till it is offered.

Two A

ladies

gently and gentleman,

return.
men.

softly.
but does

lady gives
not

her his
to

hand hand

shake bow
a

in

Young
It is the his
to

ladies

only privilege of
5
an

unmarried
to

superior
should

offer
never

or

withhold the
first

hand extend

inferior
hand.

be

the then

Foreigners
with

rarely
friends.

shake

hands,
visitors

and

only

intimate

If other

are
as

announced,

and

you

have

already
wait

remained

long
seated
;

as

courtesy
then take

requires,
leave

till

they

are

of

28

GOOD

MANNERS.

politely to the newly arrived You retire. will, perhaps, be urged guests, and but to remain having once arisen, it is best to ; is always certain air of c/aucherie There a go. in resuming repeating the cereseat, and mony your If have of leave-taking. occasion to you watch look at your during a call, ask permission and do the to apologize for it on so, plea of other appointments. rise when A gentleman should lady takes any his her leave, and, if in own house, should her to her escort carriage. take another Never call to gentleman upon friends without of first lady one obtaining your her permission to do so. In visits, it is not receiving morning sary necesthat the a lady should lay aside ment employshe be engaged, in which particularly may of light or ornamental needle-work. if it consist Politeness, ing, however, requires that music, drawabsorbing occupation, be at once or any A well-bred abandoned. tion lady pays equal attenendeavors make to all her to visitors, and conversation able as general as possible. It is allowyour
;

hostess

bow

to

pay

extra

attention

to

any

person

of

distinguished rank, extreme age, or world-wide would little exclusive resent a reputation. No one politeness to a general, a nonagenarian, or a To do to the rich, simply homage Longfellow. because rich, is a piece of snobbism they are

"VISITING

"

CALLS.

29

wliK*

:/en

the

most

amiable

find

it difficult

to

fof0xve. A lady need when announced,

whom she is

not

advance unless of

to

receive
are

visitors
to

they

persons

testifying particular if she ward forIt is sufficient rises, moves respect. with hands a them, single step to shake seated. remains and standing till they are rise her visitors take When to leave, she remain should rise also, and standing till they It is not have to quite left the room. necessary them door, but to the drawing-room accompany in good the bell should be rung time, that the
desirous
servant
mav
"/

be

ready
"/

in

the

hall you

to

let them your dressed

out.

If

upon

entering
out,
or or

the that

parlor
the

find is

friend for
a

is

going
the may Do
not

lady
your and
as an

party
If

make promenade, lady is unattended, offer let

room are

visit very
urges your

brief.

stay,

you
th^n if

your your door

service
host if he
come

escort.

further other

with
;

you but
no come

the

has

visitors and leave

you others the A

in

friend, out a showing the parlor, a gentleman

call

should

to

street-door. upon
a

never lady can professionally or be, not only a breach strict propriety.

gentleman
To do
so

less un-

officially.
of

would but

good
well,
receives

manners,

of

ladv
"^

should she

dress pays
or

though

not

too

richly, when

morning

visits.

30

GOOD

MANNERS.

If
more

she

has

carriage
than

at

command,
if she be
can were

she
on

may foot.

dress
A No

elegantly
should
the

gentleman
one.

always

well

dressed. afford
to

in

present

day,

dress

badly. Trifling
first
as

many

of

these
are

little

rules
means

may

at

sight

appear,
Trifles in

they
the

by

no

portant. unim-

aggregate

become

great

social It

forces.
has been

well

said

that is
a

"

attention

to
at
once

the

punctilios self-respect, Though

to

of

politeness
and

proof
for your

of

of
at

respect

friend."
soon cease

irksome
matters

first,
memory,

these and

trifles become

be
mere

for habit.

things
well-bred

of

To

the
nature.

thoroughly
Let of
no one

they
them

are

second is

neglect

who
above attention. do and

desirous
let
no one

pleasing
deem them

in

society unworthy

and,
of
which

all,

They
most
a

are

precisely
social of

the

trifles able, agree-

to

make

intercourse
which

knowledge
and

distinguishes
from
the venu. par-

the

gentleman

gentlewoman

32

GOOD

MANNERS.

and

language
"/

to

persons
o

who
is like

are

wanting
o

in
the
not

rudimentary
charms

knowledge,

discussing
who
one

of

yet
he

learned able have

being
may

one literary style with Yet let no to spell. to speak well, however

has

to

contend

with

the

safest The neglected education. to good a plan is at once procure of trusting too readily to the a pronouncing dictionary. A work

of

despair of laboriously disadvantages and speediest

teacher. ware Be-

guidance
of
and this
a snare.

of

kind

is, for
With
do
no a man.

the its
more

most

part,
show who

delusion
at
a

phonetic attempt
than Those in

illustration,it
skeleton,
no

can

you
have

and

call

it

had

educational

themselves to set youth should their learn as language foreigner would own a with learn a it; ?'. e. by assiduously working teacher of elocution, and first-rate by omitting no opportunity of hearing good English spoken. attend should public readings, theatres, They and the be careful like, and lectures, law-courts little as associate to as possible with persons themselves in the habit of expressing who are is so tious infecNothing incorrectly and vulgarly. vicious accent a or vulgar manner. a as of foreign acAll cent, provincialisms, affectations mannerisms, exaggerations, and slang are inaccura detestable. are Equally to be avoided of undue and cies of expression, hesitation, use French other anything foreign words, and or

advantages

CONVERSATION.

33

triviality, approaching to flippancy, coarseness, should voice be never prevarication. The or with be accompanied not loud, the speech should should features be the ever gesticulation,and
under smile strict

control.
at

A
moment
a

half

-opened
to

mouth,
into
are

a a

ready
a

any

overflow eye, be
arms

laugh,
evidences

vacant

of

wandering ill-breeding. One may

stare,
mouth
as

all ward awk-

as or

with

the of

with

the

legs.

Suppression laughter, or
is Ne.
fc to

visible
or

anger,
a sure

irvr;

of .jther v emotion, mortification, or disappointment of breeding.

correct

unexceptionable grammar, a frank, sclf-controlleri elocution, and be not it is necessary to genial. Do

can society unless you cheerf'U, sympathetic,
in

bearing,

I'le up

your
a

into go rnind to be wr1]

as

animating,
one

animated. offerees. hilarious but had In is you

as

Dulness

is does ha-

of

the

unforgivable
you into
to
a

Society
if you have no lost
one.

no'

require
as

be

as

just come right to look

day
an

fortune,
you

though

just
die

present

indispensable.
discussed in

art acquaintance with Music and stantly conpainting are good society, and you should

the works best about something musicians. great painters, sculptors, and too not to display this knowledge it be become tiresome, or you may may know up

of
Be much

the
ful care-

"

tripped

by

some

one

who

knows

more.

34

GOOD

MANNERS.

The

matter

of conversation
There and
are a

is

as

important
tional conversa-

as

the

manner.

thousand
to

shoals

society
for
well the
to

and

most enumerate

quicksands and tact though part point them

a

be

avoided

in will
as

good feeling
out,
it may
be

few

of

them.

inadmissible in society, unare Compliments less, indeed, they are so delicately put as to be All hardly discernible. flattery is vulgar, and while born the of snobbism, of neaping habit civil attentions who those or speeches upon are wiser than richer, better born, or ourselves, induces hand and insincerity on the one disgust the the other. Even best-meant on flattery does to be ascribed to interested harm, since it is sure motives. admiration, Testify your respect, your words. Words gratitude, by deeds, not your
are

easy,

deeds the last

difficult. carry the akin surface.

to

Few

will

believe
with
wear

the

first,but
In

confirmation
face
a

them.
thing someas

conversation
which
is

should smile
;
a

smile,
person
to

it

were, We

below

the

should
us,

always
and When
we

look

at

the

who
ever what-

addresses he endeavor best

manner.

listen

deferentially
make best
manner

says.
to

answer,

we

should

our express A loose more

injures
since,
will
if
not

ourselves
we

than
to

thoughts in our of expression our interlocutor;

those whom shall
we

talk the

carelessly
trouble
to

take

please, we

feel

CONVERSATION.

35

at

loss
we

for
need

apt
them.

words

and

correct

elocution

when

Always
can

think

before
a

you

you

acquire

habit

speak ; as thus only the of to speaking phraseology,

a

purpose.
A
a

clear

intonation,
habit of
sexes

well-chosen and

logical
prove both Polite

of

thought,

correct to

accent,
the young

will

inestimable
on

advantage
life. be

of

beginning must vulgarisms

scrupulously

well-educated A against. person claims prohimself terseness by the simplicity and It is only the half-educated his of language. think in fine and that who indulge language, and tingue. disphrases are high-sounding long words Saxon Erglish is nowhere Good, clear As than in the of studied better wo Macaulay, Taylor, Defoe, Sydney Smith, Southey, Jeremy Such Eliot, and Anthony Trollope. George should be read works again and again. in to approaching Anything extravagance is objectionable. We conversation should deavor enthe of the to ascertain precise meaning words at the we employ, and only employ them Such hot/' phrases as "awfully right time. gustingly "disdull," "immensely jolly," "abominably "c mean." "c., are constantly used

guarded

.,

in

the

most
no

reckless

manner,
/

and This

end

by
"/

con-

veying

meaning

whatever.

hyperbolica/

36

GOOD

MANNERS.

wit speaking is mere flippancy, without it or novelty to recommend All It has become of late slang" is vulgar. have known unfortunately we prevalent, and ladies the even pride themselves on chiqiie saucy which with cant they adopt certain phrases of the Such habits be cannot too day. severely the lower of society tone reprehended. They the It is a great misand standard of thought. take that slang is in any sulto suppose a way way
"

of

stitute

for

wit. is the least excusable

Scandal
sational The

of

all

conver

vulgarities. of proverbs use

unless
to

is

very

objectionable

in

society ; and puns, of witticisms, are

There dull is and
no

greater

they rise to the rank be scrupulously avoided. in society than nuisance

persevering punster. in general however Long arguments company, the to entertaining disputants, are, to the last hearers. You the should to degree, tiresome from conversation the dwelling always prevent too topic. long on one should Religion and politicsare subjects which in introduced be never general society at the dinner-table, or in the society of ladies. They most are likely are subjects on which persons their least to likely to preserve differ, and
temper.
If

you

are

led

into

such

discussions,

be

care-

CONVERSATION.

37

ful
a
a

not

to

use

language
A
man

and in
a

actions

unbecoming
ceases

gentleman. gentleman.
wrong,

passion
your

to

be

Even

if convinced

opponent

further cussion, disyield gracefully, decline the conversation. or dexterously turn is a great Interruption of the speech of others sin against good It has been breeding. aptly if said, that interrupt a speaker in the you middle of his sentence, almost act as rudely you if,when as walking with a companion, you were thrust to and him, yourself before stop his progress."
u

is

To talk
must

listen well. endeavor of

well,

is almost

as

It is not
to
seem

enough

art great an only to listen.

as

to

You

interested

in

the the take

sation conver-

others.

Never is

story which

another it in

anticipate reciting, or
own

point

of

it from

his

lips to
Gentlemen

finish

your
not

language.
use

should

make

of

classical

in the of without ladies, quotations presence Even apologizing for, or translating them. then, it should when other only be done no phrase
can

their Much play disaptly express meaning. of learning is pedantic and of place in out All ing drawing-room. topics especially interestsuch the turf, the exchange, to gentlemen, as
so

or

the

farm,

should .Men

be should

excluded also
n

from remember

general
^^

conversation. all ladies

are

that

not

interested upon such

politics,and
as

dwell,
are

of

preference,

subjects

they

38

GOOD

MANNERS.

sure

to

be of

acquainted
which you

with.
know

Never

talk

subjects

nothing, be for the of acquiring information. purpose ladies and Many gentlemen imagine that, young because draw they play a little, sing a little, a and arid little,frequent exhibitions so operas, No take misforth, they are qualified judges of art. is more The egregious or universal. young
should either
never sex can

upon unless it

be but

critical. appear
or

young

ridiculous

person when

of rizing sati-

things : opinion, to be worth the consideration of others, should have the advantage of maturity. should Anecdotes be very sparsely introduced into and should be conversation, invariably *' far-fetched." not short, witty, eloquent, new, be in with must Repartee indulged equal moderation. Utterly objectionable to all persons is the fast and of taste flippant style of speech fashionable ladies of the adopted by some young In converging with men or women present day. their not of rank, do too frequently give them General. titles ; such Doctor, "c. -, they must as the gers surname appended by stranalways have i-' What Macopinion, General : as, your clonald is your ?'' ?" not, u What opinion, General Brown?'5 1 hope 1 well, Doctor are not, you The well, Doctor." surname can hope you are As rule, names a only be omitted by old friends. but should be used seldom, and never familiarly.
"
"

books,

people,

40

GOOD

MANNERS.

noyed

by the one, as other. by the compliment to a woman than by leading the

as

lady

of

ordinary
pay and
a

tion educafiner

You

cannot

of refinement conversation your

esprit
such
a

into

channel

may

mark

appreciation
that affairs
name.

of

her

superior
It
more

attainments.
be in

should
interest else

remembered
their you
own can

people
than in

take

which

In mother
her

thing anytHe-a-tHe
to

conversations, therefore, lead a of her children, a young lady of

author of his

talk

last

ball, an

forthcoming book, or an artist of his furnished exhibition the picture. Having topic,you need only listen ; and you are thought not thoroughly only agreeable, but sensible, amiable, and well-informed. Be hand, not always to careful, on the other make a general point of talking to persons upon matters relating to their professions. To show
an

interest but

in
to
own

their
converse

immediate
with
or

concerns

tering, is flattoo

them

much

profession looks as if you ignorant of other topics. thought them Do be always witty, even not though you should To need the caution. be so happily gifted as to
about their
art

outshine road
In
to
a

others

on

every

occasion

is the

surest

unpopularity.
tdte-d-t"te

conversation,
to
on

however

interestvoice
matters*
to

in ir, it is
a

extremely ill-bred whisper, or to converse

drop the private

CONVERSATION.

4l

Members

If

family in society. foreigner be one

a

of

should

not

converse

gether to-

of

the

guests

at

small ciently suffiing breedbe

party,

and well

does
to

not

understand what the is

follow that

English said, good

or

demands carried be
on

conversation that

should he should with carry should

in

his
to

own some

language,
person
of
a

introduced If upon the of

a

conversant

it.
on

entrance

visitor

you you

the

previous conversation, what has briefly recapitulate to him

before
he arrived.

thread

been

said

Always
whom Do you
not

look,
converse.

but

never

stare,
the

at

those

with

frequently
whom
extreme

repeat
are

name

of
;

the

son per-

with either have the

you of

conversing

hauteur you
can

already
of

cautioned

titles.
in the

Deference

implies or familiarity. We against the repetition always be better

and
countenance

it

expressed
than in any

voice,
of of
or

manner,

forms

words. persons but

Never Christian
or

speak
names

absent
surnames,

by only always as
name

their
Mr. body any-

Mrs.
.

Above first letter

all, never
of
his
name.

by people
offence Even
or

the
are

Married this

sometimes
taste.

guilty

of

flagrant
of
on

against

slight inaccuracy in opinions should rarely

statement

facts
in

be

remarked

4:2

GOOD

MANNERS.

conversation.

No
in the in

one

likes of how

to

be

corrected,

especially
Be

presence company the

others. you be defend addressed is your

to

careful unless

friends, yourself.
%nd

conversation that

Remember

sometimes people may that, if contradicted, they and justifying themselves, have been might otherwise Never own speak of your

nobody speak the

may will
a

perfect,
;

truth

and

be

desirous
prove what

of

matter

of

doubt.

children,
Tom
or names
a

except
"Miss"

to

your

servants,
Give

as

"Master" their

Mary.
Remember
and low"

them in

Christian that

conversation
all other

voice

only. ''gentle
plishments, accom-

is, above
u

extraneous

an

excellent distinct

thing
but

in

woman."
tone

There

is

certain is

subdued
te
err

of the

voice
best
too

which

peculiar
It
too

only
to
a

persons

of
use

breeding.
low
than

is better loud

by
Loud

the

of

tone.

laughter
The
the

is

extremely
Conversation

objectionable
is
the
as a

in

society.
of
the character.

reflex

pretentious,
envious,
will
as

illiterate,

impatient,

the

inevitably betray tneir idiosyncrasies the and modest, even-tempered,

Strive Let
a as we

the

generous.

may,

we

cannot

be

always
tone

acting.
mind need and

us,

of which of

habit

therefore, cultivate a of life, the betrayal

to

of

not

put
and

us

shame

in
;

the the

pany com-

the

pure

the

wise

and

rest

CONVERSATION.

43

will refined

be

easy.
and

If

we

make

ourselves
we

worthy
shall
we

of
be shall
to

intelligent
it; example
precept.
of and and all

society,
in such that
we

not

rejected
acquire
learn
A

from

society
have

by
from

failed

knowledge
of home
and

English
foreign
of
to

and

foreign
of

ture, literacurrent

politics,

history

subjects

passing
derived and well-bred whole makes how have

interest,
from the

is

solutely ab-

necessary,

be

best

daily
u

newspapers,
You
cannot

the
have
a

reviews
one

magazines.
man,"
of says such."

Emerson,
Elsewhere in
or

"without
he back
;

society
no

says:
five

"It years, you

difference,
have dieted
on

looking
dressed first

you been whether cattle

whether
or

lodged
you
and

the had have

floor

in

the

attic;

have

gardens
been

and carried truck and

;

baths,
in these
"

good
a

horses,
or

neat

equipage,
are

in
so

ridiculous

tilings
effect. had

forgotten
But it
counts

quickly,
much in been that

leave
we

no

whether

have
as

good
as

companions
what
we

time,

almost
"

much

have

doing."

CHAPTER

V.

Letter

Writing
branch with
in

"

Invitations.

^IIERE

is

no

of

education,
and
more a

no no

portion quality

1
which
than any

of

intercourse
will the stand

others,
stead

good
of

frequently
letter upon

capability
every

writing
letters

good
at
"

and

subject.
write fair
a

No write
may when have

one

should
a

all

who

cannot

in

clear,
In one's
to
our

hand,

that age

those
the

who

run

read." every
no

busy
time

like
a

present,

has the

certain

value,
of
/'s in

we

right
upon fs and

impose

reading
used

glyphics hieroshould
per pro-

correspondents, capitals
the
most

be

dotted,

crossed,

their

places,
the

only
in.

obvious
is letters

ations abbrevi-

indulged
rigueur
;

Punctuation

equally
should
is
a so

de be

most

unimportant
;

carefully acquired,
entails the i's. should
no

punctuated
and
mor)s
so

and

the that

habit
after

easily
it

simple,
time
or

while

thought
of
a or

than

dotting
or

The
not

handwriting
be

lady
All such

man gentlebut

commercial

scholastic,
affectations
as

bold,
in

firm,

and should
to

characteristic.
be

writing
hand

avoided,
the
use

sloping
un-

one's

the

left,

of

flourishes,

(44)

LETTER

WRITING

"

INVITATIONS.

45

due

"c.

largeness or smallness The signature should Nothing is more

whose
name can

of
be

characters,
and than
to

"c.,
tentatious. unossee

simple
absurd
no

person
the

have

significance
as or

to

world
as

in
were

general, sign
at

himself

rately elabothe mier. Preto

if he

least

the

Underlining
when the ladies underlined carry

should word this

Pope only be
is very

resorted

important.

and practice to excess, so it of all significance. What rob should think we of a speaker who other word ? emphasized every For it is advisable ordinary correspondence white fair of to use quality, thick, note-paper the address white, and perfectly plain, with the This at printed in simple characters top.
custom
saves

Many

much
answer a never

trouble

and

insures

correspondent's
From
and date Write upon sheet erasures,
a

being
letter be

correctly
the

your dressed. ad-

business

address

should

omitted. without
never

legible,correctly, and
whole sheet has

erasures,

of

paper;

upon

which
or answer

anything
half
was

written

upon
to

it,
use

is soiled. the

for the
If

an

original
monograms be
as

letter

It is very impolite of the sheet upon written.

crests
as are

which

and

used,
and in
crests

they
one

should color in
not

simple
Gilt
are

possible,
and and

only.
in

monograms

printed
therefore

many

colors

good

taste.

pretentious, the Perhaps

most

simple,

46

GOOD

MANNERS.

elegant,
on

and

your

of setting your dignified way letter is by sealing it with your

use

cachet
arms.

Married

ladies
ladies

their

husbands'
bear
crests

arms. or

married Uncoats

cannot

of

arms:

their
Red
must

and

and been

quarterings of fathers' and mothers' on arms a lozenge. is inadmissible, and wafers sealing-wax be used. In the never mourning, paper have should black border able suitenvelopes a to the degree of relationship to the dead, the has length of time during which one in mourning. In the ing, deepest mournvery of border black coming unbeexaggerations are and of taste. Real out grief is always
must

but

only

have

the

unostentatious. The ceremonial

of invitations

is much
and
u

changed
At

of late

For years. printed invitations

used. The form

large
on

solr"ts

Homes"
are

cards

and

note-paper
:
"

is

simply

this

"MRS.
AT

NORMAN,"
.

HOME.

Monday

Evening,

June

the

H4th

inst.

with

the
or

name on

of
the

the

invited
The

persons
least

written formal of

above,

envelope.

48

GOOD

MANNERS.

When

the
form

invitation
is

is

for

ball, the
in
li

"

At

Home"
there
'"

will

be

usually adopted 5 added, in the corner,

at

which

case

Dancing,"
be be

or

Dancing
party,
hour is
at

11

o'clock."
must

If

it

for

musical of
the

intimation

also

given
The
to
a

which
most

the

music

begins.
invitation

following
ball
:"

the

formal

"Mrs.

Molyneux
Hamilton's
on

requests
company the March

the
at

Captain
party,

pleasure of an evening

llth inst. Monday, 11 Dancing will begin at 10 o'clock." The must answer correspond, in this style: has Hamilton much pleasure in Captain for kind invitation Molyneux's accepting Mrs. the llth inst. evening, March Monday
"

"

Invitations
out

of
weeks

this
or a

formal

kind

can

be
the

sent

three

month
cases,
a

before
notice be

party
week small
to
or

takes is

place. In most given. Invitations

of
the best and

of

one on

should

written with
a

note-paper

quality,
with

envelope
crest,
issued

correspond,
initial.
Dinner the
name

sealed

small

invitations of
husband

are

written

and

in

and may

wife.
be

The
: "
"

following
and Mrs.

form

printed
the
at

or

ten writ-

Mr.
Mrs.

Bray request
company 7 o'clock."

honor dinner

of Mr.
on

and 12th

Thomson's

the

of

Feb.

at

LETTER

WRITING

"

INVITATIONS.

49

If
"

accepted,
Mr. and

the

reply
Thomson and the

is thus
have

written much kind

"

Mrs. Mr.
on

pleasure
tion invita-

in

accepting
to

Mrs. 12th

Bray's
of Feb." be The

dinner word in
now

The
"

honor,"
is

"pleasure," may friends. inviting

much in

substituted
u

for

afternoon"

especially in the music where are provided croquet and country, be A visiting-card may of amusement. by way in the added of assembling the hour sent, with of amusement The kind provided should corner. attend the card, as ladies be intimated on croquet dresses. archery parties in suitable or We to letter-writing in general. come now the necessity of good on Having already insisted such to other matters, on handwriting, we pass of address, "c. as style, form
party
vogue, No
letter

should

contain

erasures

under

any

circumstances Abbreviations

whatever.

letters,
never

and

in

be
or a

used.
sum

only permitted in business must friendly correspondence putting Figures only when
are

date The be end. and

name,

money. date, and

at

of

address of
at

of
page

letter
or

put
in The

either In the the

the

top
case

the the

may the at

former
at

right-hand

side,
the ther neiany

latter,

the be the
nor

left-hand.

stamp

should of

right-hand corner be upside

down,

placed exactly in envelope ; it must in slanting, nor

50

GOOD

MANNERS.

way
matters

carelessly
evinces
a

affixed.
rudeness that

Negligence
to the

in

these

you will

write,
do.

as

showing
and
care

you
are

person think

to whom

anything
sible. inadmising addressin

Blots

smears

equally
Absent
to to
a one

Great

should proper
to

be

observed

people by
have been
to

their

names. a

people
person,

known

begin
send
a

letter it
on

finish

another,
when for

and

third.

Always
a

sending
the
answer.

letter

of

stamp
up
a

You
and trouble.

close inquiry, enhave no right

to
an

take

person's
as

time
the

then

put

him

to

expense
Letters
to
or
,

well

as

tradespeople
Messrs.

should
and

be

addressed
.

to

Mr.
An

unmarried
''"

lady
dear It should
own

cannot

address she is

man gentleold,

as

My

Sir," unless

very

and

he Never

too.

be,
name

"

Dear and
or

Sir."
address

omit

any In

letter,

your whether
to
as

from

of

business

writing
use

persons
lew

much
as

inferior,
former time diffuse is

words up much
;

friendship. superior or your possible. In the

of
a

case,
to

to

take
a

take be with

liberty
familiar.

in

the It is

great man's latter, to be

is to

too

only

in

respondence cor-

very

intimate

friends

that

long

If occasion necessitates permissible. letter to (a professional a busy person a very quires lady or gentleman, for instance), politeness reit should that be i rained as curtly as is with consistent civility and perspicuity. It is letters
are

LETTER

WRITING

"

INVITATIONS.

51

unpardonable
because
we

to not

take

do

up choose

people's
to

time the

simply
trouble
our

be

at

of

concentrating
In

our

thoughts
and

and

sparing

words.

writing
never

to

friends

should
but
as

communicate
lead the the way A
to

acquaintances, we bad news abruptly,

it in such of
a

should
to

manner

soften

blow.

great
choice avoid
a

deal of

pain
too
our

be
we

avoided
should
or

by a proper scrupulously
at too

words.

may And quently, freown mere

great
We

writing length, of
do
a

losses

and

misfortune.

To have

this

is
to

thoughtless egotism. from our sympathy our right to make should invariably be
or, at

right
we

expect
no

friends,
letters written of

but

have

inflictions.
in
a

Letters

tone

of

fulness, cheer-

least,

resignation.
is
as

a as

ill-tempered one. lachrymose

to

An

letter

great
is
so

mistake

as

Nothing

write
If your

letter
must

anger. write the

you

letter, but

next
an

day
or

or

do

inexpedient in fit of indignation a or to your give way feelings, let it remain till unposted write at not all, but seek
with you. the person

instead

interview affronted is

who

has

wronged
or

reproof
written

Spoken forgotten ; but

and issued and
a

tion recriminawhen your

sure

you angry
source

have

once

down

thoughts,
of after

they
regret.
in

are

irrevocable

Equally,

dealing

with

inferiors

who

have

52

GOOD

MANNERS.

acted

unfairly by
to

you,

is

civil

tone

of
as

spondence corre-

be

insisted
state

upon. your there

as

you

please,
not

but

haughty grievance in plain

end. If the truth

Be

unvarnished
does

terms,

and

sting, nothing will ; and vituperation, not whom injure the person on though it does bestow and it, injures your own cause, you from the dignity of your detracts position. In writing, as in conversation, egotism is a We have no more capital offence. right to be than have we a egotistic on right to be paper A letter dull should be like a or disagreeable. best visit, bright, inspiriting, and a reflex of our Above mood. be kind and all, it should pathetic. symThere hail
as we are

letters

whose
a new

arrival,
book

we

should

that

of

by

delightful writer, or as the Again there acquaintance. of which, anticipating they are verbosity with which
we

visit
are

of

brilliant the very deliand

others
the

all

dulness
to

certain of
to
a

abound,
of of
be

dread Who one?

like

the

incursion
not

well-known
the writer
amount

bore. the

would Who
his the

wish
not

be

would

take

any
sooner

pains
dreaded

with
like

correspondence
other?
your

than

Attend

to

badly

from

orthography; ignorance, but more

are

many

spell
ness. carelessdo
not

from
a

If you

in

doubt
at
once

about
to

word,
best

hesitate,

but

apply
with

the
secure

ary. diction-

Reading

care

will

everybody

LETTER

WRITING

"

INVITATIONS.

53

from

false

spelling
to

for
;

books

are

always
of the

spelled
times. the

well,
The
matter.

according
manner

the

orthography
is
as

of

writing

important

as

After
to

orthography,
a

you
;

should

make

it
and

point
at

write time See

good
easy, the

hand

clear,
and

legible, rapid.
your rules

the

same

graceful, wording
with the and

that accordance

of
the difference

letters

is

in

strict

of
between
one

grammar.
a

Nothing
educated than the the

stamps
man

well-

an

ignorant

more

edly decidof of

the

purely
with

grammatical
the

sentences sentences

one

compared

labored

other.

Style depends
written
",

adorns the

or

disfigures
manner

subject-,
letters

much

on

in
to

which and

are

they
and

ought
florid. of

be

easy

natural,

not

strained The

secret

letter-writing speak
;

consists
and and

in

writing properly

as

you

would

correctly clear,

as

possible,

simple,

concise,

natural.

CHAPTER

VI.

The

Lady's

Toilet.

T)ERHAPS,
_L
baths,
to

in it may upon

these
seem

days
a

of work

public
of
as

and

private
site requiwell
to
on

tion supererogafirst
as

insist
a

cleanliness Yet that

too

the
be

in remind this head the is

lady's
our

toilet.
readers be

it

may

fair
cannot

fastidiousness far.

carried of inward

Cleanliness ness Cleanli-

is

outward

sign
and

purity.
beauty.
the be

health,
will

health

is with
can

We

begin,

then,

business

of well
or

the

dressing-room,
in less. To

which

quite
an

formed pereven

three-quarters sleep
as

of is
too
as

hour,
to

too

much

trying
To
to

the

stitution con-

to

sleep

little. liable

sleep
kinds
It

too

much minor habit

is

to

render

oneself both
be

all

of
is
a

ailments,
that in
cannot

of
too

mind

and

body. censured,
has
to

severely
No
mother

cially espe-

the her

young.
young and
ten

any ruin

right
their in
duces con-

to

allow

daughters complexions,
o'clock.

tempers,
bed till
more

health,
nine
to
or

by

lying

Early
of

rising
health,

the

preservation

ness, freshin the

and

young

looks,

than

anything (54)

56

GOOD

MANNERS.

proper
there in

care

were

taken

of

the

teeth for

in the

youth,
dentist

would

be

less

employment
hot The and very teeth

after-life. be

Very
not

sweet

things
be
fully care-

should

avoided.

should
and

brushed,
after
not
common

every

meal. and is

advisable,
chalk

only night Very hard a simple

safer The and

morning,

but
are

tooth-brushes

tooth-powder
effectual
need
we

of
than

more

any

quackeries.
must

onion,
forbidden

scarcely
of
the Eve is

observe,
of the

be

the

fruit

nineteenth
to

century.
affect the

Indigestible
of
the

food
breath.

also
As
mu-v

certain
soon
as

sweetness

the
sure

breath
that

becomes

be
"ut

quite
order. nails

the

unpleasant, one digestive machinery fastidiously clean, inordinately long. be given to must
and
use

of

The

must

always
to

be

and In the

never

allowed
the

grow
care

cutting

nails

every

preservation

of the skin.

shape,
A

to

the of

removal
the soap brush, nailwill hand.

of

superfluous
warm

liberal
best

water,

and

Windsor
a

insure Gloves and The of the

even

the
must

preservation
of
course as

of
worn as

delicate
out

be much
a

of

doors; though
The brush hair-

indoors hair

possible.
deal

requires
and and ladies for

good

of

care,

simplest
of
-,

most

inartificial is
a

kind. clean
to

secret

fine

and

glossy hair who keep no

them should and soda

maid wash every

perform
brushes hair-

those

offices in hot

their few

water

days.

THE

LADY'S

TOILET.

57

Once

secure

the and the

perfect
rest at

cleanliness
be

of

hair-brush,
the let hair it be

will

carefully both occasionally

up,
or
a

night

easy. and morning of

your Brush
;

cleansed

beaten

mixture will find

no

of

yolk glycerine and

to

with

egg limehair-

juice,
doctors
to

and
or

you

need and
a

resort

to

quacks.
",

Pomade after
a

oil

be

avoided
a sea

but

sea-water
warm

during
be useful

journey,

little

strictly bath, or pomade will

are

in all the

Above color
and

of

softening the hair. things, never attempt to change the hair of fashionable by means dyes
Color
so

fluids.

obtained

cannot

harmonize

naturally
Nature

with

the

skin, .eyes,
Practices

and

eyebrows
this kind

that
are

has and in

given.

of

simply
careful in
sun,

the

open veils and and all in

Let ladies be strictly immodest. regular exercise regard to diet, take broad-brimmed hats in the air, wear in the wind
5

let

them kind

avoid
;

powders
above times
are never

washes

of

every

let

pearl them,

things, go the morning

"

early
;

and

not

made be made

beautiful

rise bebed, and if by so doing they for ever," they can

to

so. never

The from

face

should

be the is
warm

washed

when

heated
from the

exercise. and wait

even

Wipe
till with bath.
no

perspiration
water.
case

skin,
you

it

sufficientlycool
Rain
any lost be of

before
water

bathe,
for the

is best

the

In time

eruption
in pro-

upon

skin,

should

58

GOOD

MANNERS.

curing

medical
the

advice.

He has
a

who fool

doctors for his

self, him-

says

proverb,
to
a

sician. phyto

With
more

regard
than offer dress for

Dress,
few is of
all

it is

impossible

do

fashion
of dress

of
are

The general observations. to-day ; but the aesthetics time.

may

No

matter
a woman

to

what

absurd
taste

lengths
will and
ever

fashion
avoid the

go, ridiculous.
handle in

of ner milli-

The the

never

so

may despotically, but and their

to contrast

dressmaker

scissors
of

matters

color,
the may

harmony,
control of claim

they remain Dress, employer.

considered
well and in

under

indeed,
the

fairly
fine
more

be
dress

art.

To
a

than

full

purse

light of a demands something a pretty figure. It

and refinement.
sense

requires
A
woman

taste,

good
first

sense, and
nor

of taste
her

good
her
no

will

neither
in life.

make

dress will total is

;

last

object
should

She
that

remember indifference

that

wife
her

betray
taste

for
the also

husband's

"which

implied
she and

in

neglect
remember

of

her that of

ance appearto

and

will

dress

consistently
which There
"

she

owes

is hair

tastefully is one to society. Spanish proverb

its shadow." however
to

the

duties

which

Every

has

So,

says, in like her

manner, social
a

every

lady,

insignificant
herself,
must

position
certain

appear may influence on

cise exer-

the

feolings

and

opi-

THE

LADY'S

TOILET.

59

nions
appears such

of others.
either of the fair let

If, therefore,
too
sex

the
or

art too

of

dressing
to

irksome
as are

frivolous
in it serious

engaged
that

occupations,
the
same

them

remember

performs
life in
as

part in beautifying

domestic
fine
arts

is

performed
the

by

music moral

and and

the

lishing embel-

life
as

therefore,
and entitled it. When

dress
so

spiritual. So merely occupies so much

money
can are as

long,
time

requires
to

much

allow

it, nothing
fashions fostered
"

extravagant
habits

fairly be said against indulged in

we are
"

extravagant

at

any is

cost

and

under

circumstances any in his strictures,

the

critic
severe.

however

quite justified Dress, to be in

no woman

be costly and not perfect taste, need ; her of right feeling will adorn person of her husband's

at

the

pense ex-

comfort

or

her

children's

education.
"

As

work Her

of

art

well-dressed
will be
as

woman

is

"a

study."
as

toilette
at

bien

soignee

family breakfast-table If she ball. loves and at the as bright colors with them be can wear impunity, they will as harmoniously arranged as an artist arranges his colors the palette. If she is young, her on dress will is old, it will be youthful ; if she not affect rather simplicity. She will always follow than lead the rather prevailing fashion, and fashion follow her than violate own good taste
and
or common sense.

well

chosen

the

60

GOOD

MANNERS.

The Do
not

golden
be
so

rule

in

dress in

is to

avoid
as

extremes.
to
are

original
do
not to

your

dress

be

and

affect

fashions
Ladies

that who
are

culiar; peradically

unbecoming
very
nor young do better are a

you.

neither

very than
can

who with

not

rich
care

not canstriking in appearance Ladies wear quiet colors. well always appear dressed,

little

in

the

choice

and the

arrangement
texture

of

the

materials.
it should you
can

Whatever be made As

of

the

dress,

by

the well

very
go
to
or

best
a

maker dressor as

afford.

third

fourth-rate
go
to
a

dentist,
third
or
a

music-master,

doctor,

fourth-rate
woman's should

dressmaker.
or

The

dressmaker

is

good
be
or

evil

genius.
in

Morning
For is young

dress

faultless

its wray.

ladies, married

unmarried,

than Avhite or prettier in* summer materials. dresses of washing morning dresses and be must clean, exquisitely fresh ribbons cuifs and fresh, collars irreproachable All stuffs are to be rigidly eschewed except those for of the finest dress kind. Morning very be and elderly ladies of wealth position should and of dark silk. Jewellery, hair ornaments, not ing light silk dresses are permissible for mornwear.

nothing light very Light

Walking dress should attracts walking dress

street

always
attention,
For
as

be

quiet.
which
in
a

Rich
the

is not dress
as

desirable.

the

may

elegantly

she

carriage, pleases.

lady

THE

LADY'S

TOILET.

61

Elderly thin Any

whilst
or a

ladies old

should

always
.wear

dress delicate

richly.
colors,
in

lady

may person

stout, florid

looks

best
as

black

dark

question
with hair
5

well For as young gray. of colors must, however, be and

old, the
nize harmoand dark for

determined

by complexion
rich delicate and ball
are worn

figure.
the

Rich

colors

brunette

complexions
are

colors

most

suitable

delicate For

fragile styles of beauty. dresses light and diaphanous

;

rials mate-

silk

dresses

are

not

suitable

for

and Black and violet, scarlet, black dancing. in ladies in mourning but or worn white, are 5 balls all. should to not at deep mourning go look not dance, and their dark dresses They must of place in a gay out assembly. At dinner of a small, friendly parties, unless fullest is dress kind, only the appropriate. Demi-toilette
can even

be

worn

at

unceremonious
the
to

dinners,
be

and

high dresses,,if
is better

material
wear

It sufficiently rich. flowers at large dinner

ones

real

parties,
former and the

but

artificial and

at to

balls

since

the the is
;

would

fall

Much ladies much

pieces with jewellery

at

heat
out

droop dancing.
for there

of

any

time

and,

place indeed,

young is

as

in the wearing propriety to be observed in of dresses. the of wearing jewellery as all transparent Diamonds, pearls, rubies, and precious stones belong to evening dress, and

62

GOOD

MANNERS.

should

never

be

worn

before

dinner.

Ii,

the

morning,

be of the rings should simplest limited one's to jewellery kind, and a good watch. Diamonds and brooch, gold chain, and

one's

pearls morning

are as

as
a

much low dress

out
or

of
a

place
wreath. the choice

during
of

the

It is well
that
mere

to

remember costliness that

an

in

lery jeweltest

of such

value
as
a

and fine

always exquisite work

is not

the

of

art,

natural intaglio or cameo, or a rarity, such as a black pearl, is a possession more which a large brilliant one dixtinf/uti than any has who enough can buy as well as yourself. money the Of all precious stones opal is the most No gar merely vullovely and least commonplace. purchases an opal. woman boots must always be faultGloves, shoes, and be too Gloves less. cannot light for the carriage,
or

too

dark

for

the

streets.

A
to

woman

with well your dressed

ill;

fitting gloves
while
soiree
to
wear

cannot

be

said

be
at

soiled
her

gloves
that you

friend's

is to and may

show her be

think

lightly
that

of

herself

company.

It

remarked,
be used moderation. be

by

the
in

way,

fumes perand be

should
with the

only
the

the

evening,
to

strictest
must

Perfumes
most

tolerable Some
made

of

rechercht would

kind.
bo

people of ill by the

sensitive smell of

temperament
musk
or

patchouli.

CHAPTER

VII.

The

Gentleman

's

Toilet.

IT
should

has
an

been Order." toilet

be and
as

aptly
is

said

that
first

('

the

bath
of
a

deserves

The

requisite
the the and

man's gentlewhich will

undoubtedly
as

bath,

bracing morning
in in
no

constitution

allow,
and

used

night

in

summer,

every live

day
much have

winter. the open

Country
air,
for of
very and

gentlemen
take

who
of

plenty
the cold
men

exercise,

excuse

shirking
cities

shower-bath;
who
cannot
are

but
to

denizens

and

obliged indulge

lead

sedentary
in this teeth

lives

with

equal Only
much the year

safety
it in the

luxury,
of of
son rea-

and

must

never

continue

and

experience.
can

physiques
more

finest

quality
cold-water

endure,
shock is all

benefit
5

by, though
tion reformaLet the

round

and

physique
must

always
not

improvable, attempted
to

great

be 60"

rashly. freely
the less
a

bath

of
the

from

70"
even

be

indulged
robust,

in in

by
summer

strong,
time
;

and
but
to

by
winter is the

in 95"

temperature
The
to must

varying
brush of the

from should

85" be

safest.

flesh-

vigorously
which
the

applied
skin

all be

parts
care-

body,

after

(64)

THE

GENTLEMAN'S

TOILET.

65

fully
little

dried

with
to

Turkish

or

huck-a-back

towels.
for
some

It is well
time

remain

without

bathing. the air of and to body as exposure French recommended physician has desirable bath as a hygienic practice. fresh should be taken wTater always sea-dip. is to The next thing to be done
teeth. This should
at

after

clothing is so Nothing

healthy
sun

;
sun-

the A

bath
after

in
a

clean

the hard

be

done twice

with
a

good

tooth-brush
should rinse and

least the should

mouth
be

smoking,
teeth also nails be

Smokers day. after immediately careful to keep the

The and

scrupulously clean. kept exquisitely clean

an

nails
short.

should

Long
Punch's But ing sufferobviates and well

are

abomination.
to

Our
advice it must the all

advice
to

those about

who
to

shave marry understood

"

is, like
"

those
no

Don't." that that

by

means

be

beard

to

trouble.

The

is a grow process beard should be

carefully
and

frequently
combed,
and

washed,
the hair the

wrell
and

trimmed,
whiskers

kept
clean

clean
and

by

help

of

scrupulously stiff hairbrushes,

of
the and

the face

beard
;

and water. warm soap should be adapted to

The the

style
form of

but

whiskers

unmitigated
is
never

of beard in the cut affectation any is very objectionable, and augurs hair in the wearer. Long vanity in

indulged

except

by

painters

and

66

GOOD

MANNERS.

fiddlers.
and
worn

The
over

moustache

should

be

worn

neat,
that

not

by moustache,

the
a

moustache large. A of Italy, or a King V Empereur, cannot

like

needle-point
be
worn

with

impunity. A gentleman
that Does
meant

should
shall like It

always
never an

be

so

well

dressed,
at

his
this

dress sound
one.

be

observed
It

all.
not

enigma?

is

perfect only implies that simplicity is perfect elegance, and that the true is its in the toilette of a gentleman of dress test entire harmony, unobtrusiveness, and becomingLet be avoided. sible sena ness. Display should
for
man

leave

the

graces
and

and

luxuries

of dress

to

his

wife, daughters,
in the

distinction
the in

trinkets waistcoat.
as

sisters, and not seek of his watch-chain, or

To
as

pattern
the it.
new

of

his
is

be
to
man

too

much
too

fashion No
cut

vulgar
in
men

be

far

behind
every

really
that he
sees

well-bred
his
are

follows
fashionof this

tailor's

book.

Only
man

very

young
dress look is

guilty

folly.
A

whose

clean
to

will

always
This
than
a more

appropriate, neat, and but like a gentleman ;

"

dress

appropriately,
should tenth

one

must

have
on

varied

wardrobe.
cost
man

not,

the

more
can

part of
than
a

his

average, No income.

afford

tenth

of

his

income

for

dress. The

author

of

"

Pelhani"

has

aptly

said

that

THE

GENTLEMAN'S

TOILET.

67

**

gentleman's
is great To'be

coat

should and
too

not

fit in

too

well." vation. obserlike

a

There

truth fitted

subtlety
well

this look

is

to

tailor's
Let
wear

dummy.
the dress
a

suit

the

occasion.
and
trousers

In

the

ing mornor

frock
as

coat,
the

of
When

light
in

dark

color,
or

befits
at

season.

the

country
costumes

the

sea-side,

gray

or

shooting
and

are

best.

For
wear a or

evening
black cloth

parties, dinner
dress

parties,
patent
kid

balls,
black

coat,
thin white
as

black

trousers,
leather

silk
a

waistcoat,
and such above

boots.

white

cravat,

all

fopperies,
5

white the

gloves. Abjure silk linings, silk

shirt front should

collars, "c.
be

all,

At dinner plain. small, unceremonious not parties, gloves are but, when ; necessary be new and fit well. they should Economy worn, in gloves is an insult man's to society. A lery jewelshould be of the and best simplest description. False form other jewellery, like every of falsehood and is unmitigated garity. vulpretence,

foppish A and of good set studs, vulgar. a gold watch and handsome one guard, and ring, are ornaments as wear as a can gentleman many with For of fine ring, the man propriety. a would taste prefer a precious antique intaglio
are

Elaborate

studs

and

sleeve-links

all

68

GOOD

MANNERS.

to

the

handsomest

diamond

or

ruby

that

could

be

bought. Lastly, a
use,

man's and

jewellery
not, like
a

should

always
be
worn

have for

some

lady's,
the

ornament

only.
necktie
be

The
must

for
and of
nor

dinner,
the fine

opera,
the
a

and better.

balls,
It
ture, tex-

white,
be
too

smaller
or nor

should

linen,

washable

not
nor

silk,
any

netted,

hanging
a

down,

of

foppish
for

white

tie, without

tie is admitted be

production, but embroidery. any evening parties,

worn

simple,
black

The and

should

equally simple.
Colored shirts
be may be .small in the

morning ; in pattern and but quiet in they should cloths of color. Fancy conspicuous patterns With colored a are exceedingly objectionable. white shirt collar flannel and a always wear The hat should wristbands. always be black ; and hats in admissible and straw are only caps
summer.

If

spectacles
best
or

are

necessary, For
are

they
and

should

be in
or

of

the

and

lightest make,
steel. weak the

mounted blue

gold,
are

blue

smoke-colored
detestable. A
street
are

glasses
should

sight, best; green

be
or seen

glasses
in the

gentleman
without
not

never

gloves. permissible.
well

Worsted
A man's and
never

cotton

gloves
should
or

clothes

always

be

brushed,

threadbare

THE

GENTLEMAN'S

TOILET.

69

shabby.
clothes. coveted
one

No
An

gentleman
old the

can

afford coat,

to

wear

shabby
is
more

hunting practised
clean in the
or
*'

however,
than the

by
the
5

sportsman

new

bright
a

pink"

being

tion indica-

of For

novice

field.

the

country,
select flannel
a

the

foreign
of thick
some

tour,

man gentlewoollen
thing everymore

will

costume

light
and
never

material,
to out

shirts,

boots,
is
or

correspond.
than fisheries.
are on

Dandyism
the

of

place

glacier,

among

the

Adirondack There the like

matter

three

things
if viz. is
can one one

one

should

consult appear and world

in

of

dress

would expense,

always comfort,
in any
we

gentleman,
If which there
we

society.
about moral

thing

this

entertain is that

degree
pay
are

of
our

certainty,
bills.
to

it If
our

must

tailor's

therefore

our

means

proportionate .dis-

wants,
your
as

we

must coat

remember

the

old

proverb,
and

"Cut dress

according
you

to

your
can

cloth/'
upon

well

as

possibly

l?ttle

money.

CHAPTER

VIII.

Riding

and

Driving.

The
"

Ptomenade.

T)

IDING
ladies
to

is
and

an

accomplishment gentlemen
one

in be

which

all
;

A_\J
but

should
be

proficient early
and

ride

well,

must

taught
like

practise
cannot

constantly.
be

Riding,
precept.
to
on

swimming,

taught
who
;
as

by

Those

wish

ride the

well

must

learn
and
as

on

horseback
in

much
as

road,
So
upon

little

the

school,
and

possible. depends
art

much

of. out-of-door
be

our

health

happiness
that the

exercise,
much

of
the

riding wealthy.

cannot

too

encouraged
moderate Those
means

by
it
can

For
out

persons the tion. quesand

of

is

wholly
it,

of

who

afford

who

travel,

whose

health money
as

requires
laid
many out

bracing
upon

exercise,
this

should

consider

ment accomplishin
an

so

shares Promotion

purchased
Company.
is the

limited-Hea Unall

Of
most

recreations,

horse-exercise

larating. exhi-

lady's
and

riding-habit
made

should
first-rate
are

be

simple,

close-

fitting,
eccentric

by

tailor. bad
taste.

Showy^
It H

innovations

in

(70)

72

GOOD

MANNERS.

acquired.
but
to

It
none.

is

better

to

ride

only
to

one

horse,
in

fear

The the

great point
of your
and

in

middle
your in
as

riding is saddle, to
to

sit

straight
the
a

know
to

temper

of

horse,

be

able

enjoy
not

good
lean

gallop
forward

moderation.

Ladies

should

little rise as they ride. They should all, as possible in trotting. They should, above know how the to hold uses reins, the different The the of each, and of the road. rule common first two points are only taught by practice, and last is attained in a day's ride. Ladies who the have in the country-houses, and who stay much

country,
The should
corners,

should

learn in

to

drive

as

well

as

to

ride.

chief
never

point
and

drive
should

driving is moderation. too fast, especially

ease

You round
as

possible in going up ought to know something alighting from or entering

should
to
never on

horse your Ladies hill.

about the but

as

much

who harness. the

drive

On
dress

carriage,
should
be

be the

held

up,

allowed

trail If you

assist

ground. a lady
her
the

to

mount,
from in it.

hold
the As

your

hand

at

convenient
may aid

distance

she

you

place her by

foot

ground that she springs,

arm.

impetus
you

only will enable in riding gentleman,

her
to

pay
a

the

tolls.
it is

Bary

for

lady,

properly. A with a permits lady, never If good riding is necesA doubly so for a man.

of your this to do

tice Prac-

RIDING

AND

DRIVING.

73

gentleman's
unless

education
he
can

cannot

be If

called
this has be first and

plete com-

ride

well. time

been lost with wards afterpro

neglected early in in repairing the

a

life, no
error.

should

By
some

riding

careful

master

for

months,
at
a

quite regularly alone, be attained even ficiency may When a attending lady in
never

considerable
a

late

period.
ride,

horseback she
to

mount

start.

Give

your her

horse
your the her

until hand

is

ready
her hand

to

assist her then

in

mounting,
her
own

her
seat

arrange reins and

on

folds

of and

habit,
take

whip,

your

your

saddle. yours. how

Let and ride. shoulder render

her let

be pace her decide let

Start fast
or

when

she she pass

does,
will the
to

slowly
horse and may
to

Never of her

the, head
and be

of your
Avatchful she her

hers,
any

ready
ride

assistance

require.
faster

Never,
than she

by rapid riding, force

may desire. her
not

Do

touch

bridle, reins,
your

or

she
or an

particularly requests
or

cept whip, exassistance,

accident,

threatened

danger,
ride
so

makes

it

necessary.
If her there

is dust
it
as

or as

wind,

as

to

protect
road
so on as

from

far

possible.
you It is which
to mount

If
not to

the ride ride

is
to

be muddy bespatter side A away

m0,u

careful her habit.

that

do best

the

from
should

that be

on

her

habit
on

falls. side

able

either

74

(100D

MANNERS.

of

the

horse.

He

places
on

his

left

foot

in

the

stirrup, his
himself horse's
to seat.
see a

left hand

the his is

up, back.
man

throwing Nothing
climb

saddle, and swings the right leg over

more

graceless
hands into

than his

with

both

duous light seat is only learned by assirules chief sit to are practice. The well and back in the stiffly, upright, but not the knees saddle pressed well in against ; to keep the feet parallel to sides of the the saddle, and the toes in rather the horse's body 5 and to turn The foot be should about than out. half-way in long riding slips down in the stirrup, which A firm
to

the in

hollow the
a

of
art

the

foot.

The

great

tum desidera-

of

riding
rider
can

is
can

plenty
ride
to

of confidence.

Of
but

course no

fearless

ungracefully,
awkward.

timid

person

fail

be
a

is again, there style. The art is simple enough, will good driver practice. The will has horse he to drive, and In

driving,

difference
but it

of

requires
the

understand
use

him

well,
He will
to

whether will know

turn turn

the his

beast
corners

be

his

own or

or

another's.

gently

slowly,

and

when it off'.

to

He

the and when steam put on understand will, of course, his

most
no

the may of

management
occur

of
the and harness should

harness.

Accidents

from

triflingdisarrangement
one

the who

harness,
cannot

should unharness
to

handle
a

the horse. has

reina

and

No

one

pretend

hunt

who

not

RIDING

AND

DRIVING.

75

good seat,
much upon that less

good
should
a

horse,
an

plenty incompetent
horse. you It for

and

of
rider has

''pluck ;"
venture

riding
u

friend's may

been

said iiis his

man

forgive
but
never

breaking

daughter's
hunter's In with
seat

heart,
'

for

breaking places
leaves

neck the

carriage,
back the
to

his for
are

the

ladies.
to

gentleman horses, and Only very

accept
should the When

himself the best

elderly gentlemen
best
seat to

privileged
of

the

exclusion

young

ladies.

the

carriage
order
a
riage car-

stops, the
to

gentleman the lady. assist gracefully is

If
are

alight first, in
and but but
out

To
a

get in

of

simple
is your
on

important
one

complishment ac-

there take foot

step,

and the

you

going

to

seat

facing
a

horses, put your the carriage with to drop at once as

about
to

left

the in

step, and
such If the

enter

your into

right
your back you your

manner

seat.

you

are
verse reriage, car-

sit with

your
As

to

horses,
the towards
to

the be
seat

process. careful to
are

step
back
so once as

into

keep
to

the the

you awkwardness
cannot

about of be

occupy,
when to

avoid
A

turning
too

in.

man gentleon

careful he also

avoid in
or

stepping
out

ladies'

dresses He

when

gets
beware

of

riage. car-

should

of

shutting then?
seat,
is
an

in

with

the

carriage
your do
arm

door.
across

Never

put
many

the It

or

around

her,

as

in

riding.

imperti-

76

GOOD

MANNERS.

nence

which

she

would

very

properly
one

resent

aa

such. If you

offer

to

drive
drive

any
to

home
house
to

in

your

vehicle,
matter

always
how much

their have

first, no
out

you
been

may

drive

of

your
If
a

way.
a

lady
she

has may her

walk,
she burden

accompanies
that
not

to

making purchases during who permit the gentleman small parcel carry any very
her
more

may

have him

in

hand than

but
one

she under should

should any mit per-

with whatever.

circumstances any
or a

No is
not

lady
a near

gentleman
friend
to

who
of

cost

old very of entrance for

to

any

relative, her family, to defray the theatre or exhibition, or

or

to

pay

her be

refreshment under his

vehicles

when

she

happens
Two

ladies

the
each

habit
one

is
arm

protection. without can impropriety, though a singularly ungraceful one, take but of a single cavalier one lady ;
grace
or

cannot,

with take

either the
arms

the

sanction

of
at

tom, cus-

of

two

gentlemen

the

same

time.
When
a

a lady is walking with gentleman in public park or garden, or through the rooms any of an exhibition, it is the gentleman's duty to is frequently find her seat. If, however, as a remain the he is himself to compelled case, make a point of rising standing, the lady should she not is sufficiently rested, and as soon as

RIDING

AND

DRIVING.

77

at/use

either

the

patience
the of

or

politeness
to

of

her

companion.
It is the
meets
a

place of gentleman
or or

lady
her

bow

first

if she

meeting friends the exhibitions,

be careful
as

On acquaintance. acquaintances in the .streets, must public places, one any

their pronounce the attention of
names so

not to

to

loudly
Never
to

attract

strangers.

call
on

across a

the

street, and
the

carry

your
own.

dialogue in a interlocutor occupies railway

in
a

attempt public vehicle, unless

never

seat

beside

your

In

travelling
with

lady

cannot

open
if

conversation

strangers,
manner,

though,
she
must

dressed adswer an-

It
even

respectful politely. is well to recognise

from
If whom persons Mrs. Brown or
return

any
you Mrs.

public salutation,
do
not

wish

to

visit.

Jones
return

persist
it than
cut

in

bowing,
studied direct

the

bow,

but is

with
a a

coldness.
cut.

Anything
unmarried

better
cannot

An

lady

married

circumstances. The lady under any is only excusable when ing cut men persist in bowwhose to acquaintance a lady does not wish keep up. If a lady has had gentleman especially any introduced
to to to

her

at

party,

has
led

talked
down

much

him,
dinner

and
or

has

been, perhaps,
she may

by

him

supper,

bow

if she

meets

78

GOOD

MANNERS.

day in the promenade. unless a are gentleman you of his identity. Nothing is more saluting the wrong person.
next

him

Ntvei

nise recogsure

perfectly
awkward,

than

The
men are

rules

of the

promenade
^

concerning
c""

gentleO

In

the
no

simpler, though equally important. first place, a well-bred must man

respect for the La Fontaine,
are

tertain enu

brim "is
to

of
a

his
note

hat. drawn

A
at

bow,"

says

sight."
this
in

You
and

bound the full

to

acknowledge amount. Always

that the
to

it immediately bear
or

mind,
to

and

remember rim

nod,

merely
courteous.

touch
True be

the

of

hat,

is far

from

hat

should

In

bowing, the On meeting

shake in
meet

that the politeness demands the head. completely lifted from be bent at all. not body should whom with friends are likely you
remove

to

hands,
order
a

your
the

hat

with

the

leftIf you
turn

hand

to

leave

right-hand
with

free.

you
are

lady in the quite intimate, do

and she

streets

whom but

not

stop
in

her,
said

round

walk

beside
When

her

whichever

tion direcall that If ticularly par-

is

going.
say,
a

you
take

have your
you for bow
are

you
you

wish
meet

to

you

can

leave.
are

well before

lady with whom acquainted, wait

you
venture to

not

her
to
not

tion recogniher.

In
to

bowing address,
farthest

to

lady
your her.

whom
hat with

you

going
which pass

lift from

that

hand if

is

For

instance,

you

her

80

GOOD

MANNERS.

you about
more
an

are

quite
to

close

to

the

person

whom

you

are
or

salute.

Nothing
than
to

is

more

awkward

ludicrous
extended When

walk

several

yards
a

with

hand.

walking
who
the

with
or

lady,
the

man

is older upper
nearest

shorter of house.

them the Be

side the

gentlethan yourself, give that pavement, is,

or a

with

side

careful your
case

when upon
a

walking
her dress.

with

lady,
may
to

not

to

put
In
to

foot of
your
;

sudden

fall of
to
a

rain

you

offer
escort

lend

umbrella

her

home

being

lady, or offer perfectly respectful

be

in

your

conversation.

meeting a lady friend, which her recognition of you, hat. To first,removing your touch hat merely your may hat him, raise your lady with
In In
a

ready
she
a

to

return

should

offer

gentleman
if he

you
has
a

but

in
a

car

or

omnibus,
car

when

get out, stop the

When you if she

with
must

her, pass lady, always if

her
to

for

bowing to him. to lady wishes her fare, "c. up

on as

your well
as

tion, invitayour

pay
offers

expenses
share it
;

own

she

the in the

expense,
latter
case

decline

unless

insists

upon

yield
their
to

ladies, dependent Many gracefully. upon much friends for escort, dislike gentlemen under obligations to them, nor pecuniary be. they should necessary

be

is

it

CHAPTER

IX.

Morning morning
a

and

Evening
more

Parties.

or,

properly
a

sj

leaking,

afternoon"
an

party
one. on
a a

is

and

agreeable
and be In goes
sent out

comparative novelty, It begins about three

;
or

o'clock,
should

till six week

and
a

the

invitations
hand. beforebe

fortnight
party

town,

morning
music.
;

should

enlivened

by
are our

good
best

Hired if amateurs

professional
undertake

performers
to
amuse

but

friends,

Tea, accomplished. be served in the country, but where cakes, may ; a parties are given on large scale, and croquet to serve prolonged to a late hour, it is customary the first and to light refreshments provide
cold collation
a

be they should highly coffee, ices, strawberries,

afterwards.

This
and doors. such is
more

collation recherche

is, in
if

fact,
served
A

late in

luncheon,
tents
out

of
for

lady dresses out-of-door elegant

young
ladies who

parties
she

in

the

mo;3t

dress

pleases.

Very
hats the i.
e.

play croquet wear may and dresses suitable for elegant walking Gentlemen dress, wear morning game. frock light trousers, coat, light gloves, (81)

"c.

82

GOOD

MANNERS.

Every one nowadays "c., and

amusements

who
be thus

goes

much
with

into

acquainted
be enabled

society should archery, croquet,

part
should
her in the

to

take

litate
each

hostess The provided. conversation by introducing she thinks them

faci
tc

guests

other, when
invites
to

mutually
one

agreeable.
such

Very young parties, should

likely to people, whom

never

be

be

ill dressed, the the old, the neglected; while ence ugly, and the beautiful, wrill receive equal deferfrom host and hostess. a really well-bred homes," begin about Evening parties, or "At full entail dress both nine o'clock, and upon Good ladies and breeding-neither gentlemen. should demands that present yourself at the you
commencement,
nor

remain and go these

till the
as

close
be
are

of

the
venient con-

evening. during
the
are

You
to you,

come

may

most at

parties
two
or

three

liberty, when evening height of the season, to yourself at numerous, present houses during a single evening.
by
means name

and

When

your the

is and
even

announced,
pay
to

look

for
to

the
her

lady
before
who

of

house,
seem

your
see

respects
any

you
may be

other

friends
and

in

the

room.

At the

very
is

large

fashionable
to

assemblies,
near

hostess

generally

be

found
find

the

door.

Should

of who

guests,
are

yourself separated by a at are liberty to recognise you

near

ever, howyou, crowd dense those

en-

you,

and

these

whom

you

MORNING

AND

EVENING

PARTIES.

83

counter

as

you

make

your

way

slowly through
escort
to
to
a

the If he and for

throng.
a

gentleman
call
most at

is the

to

act

as

lady,
name,

must

hour way her

she

chooses take
a

the
her.

elegant
present
reach

is to with

To

carriage is bouquet
hostess,

allowable. When
escort

you your

the

house

of

the

the to companion dressing-room. After have hat in and coat deposited your you the gentlemen's dressing-room, and put on your for your be lady, and gloves, be on the lookout the her Offer her to ready to escort parlor. left arm, and having paid your respects to your the
iier

hostess,
until
out

take has

her other

to

seat, and
Of

remain before you and

with you will wait

she

companions,
course

seek dance

friends. own your with her part of the

at

evening, lady,
her

upon
If

her you

supper. escorted have she whether

goes
to
to

time she has and is

must

be
to

yours, go.

and

will

See
she

tell you when the carriage

ready

arrived
return
was

before
to

the tell

dressing-room,
her. If the
and

the

parlor
when

weather

pleasant
ascertain procure it is at and
a

you

left it is

home,
still

you
;

walked,
if

whether

the

carriage for door, join

arm

your her lead

in

pleasant companion.
the
to

not,

When

drawing-room,
the hostess
to

offer

your

to

her your

for the

leave

taking,

then

take

companion

84

GOOD

MANNERS.

door
hat is

of
and

the

ladies7
in the

dressing-room,
entry
or near

wait

get by

your until

own

she

ready.
When you reach her call your

companion's
to

house,
ask

do

not

accept
to

invitation
in the

enter,
or

but the

mission per-

morning,
of
the

following
are now

evening.
General salutations
;

company

wholly disused only recognise

If you

in

society, well-bred
own

persons

their
are

friends the

or

ances. acquaintof
a

at

house

new

acquaintance,

and

find

strangers, remember all one roof, you are known to one another,
able
to
converse

yourself among that, by so meeting

in and
a

entire
under made be be the

certain

sense

freely, as

in the regretted that spirit of exclusiveness

very is still shrink absorbed

to

to ought therefore It is to equals. highest circles

too

strong
to
some

to
a

this

but affect

still
to

to

table,
or

and

be
or

away in

permit side-

album

cling to some unlucky acquaintance, as a drowning man clings to a are no gauckeries shyness can excuse. spar, Neither should stand too a man long in the same from To be afraid to move one drawingspot. is the to another room sure sign of a neophyte in society.
Gentlemen
should with house their
or never

illustrated

work,

stand
to
own.

upon

the
in
seen

hearthrug
a

backs their

the

fire, either
We have

friend's

MORNING

AND

EVENING

PARTIES

85

even

well-bred
selfish and

men

at

evening
solecism.
chair there

parties
from

commit

this

vulgar
any
one

Never have

offer

the

which other

just risen,
ladies

unless

be

no

you engaged. dis-

gentlemen who any possess should wait be musical to not accomplishments entreated by their hostess, but pressed and them the when she immediately comply pays of them to sing. compliment asking play or has a right to make Only the lady of the house if others be do this invitation they must so, ; polite way. put off in some when strict silence Be scrupulous to observe the of are playing or -singing. company any Remember that they are doing this for the
Those and
amusement
a

of
is
as

the

rest
as

and

that
were

to

talk
to turn

at

such your you,

time

ill-bred
a

if you
who
was

back and

upon

person

talking
one

to

with some begin a conversation If a gentleman sings comic songs, of the careful that be most they are kind, and likely to offend tastes nor prejudices of the society may find Those that of
a
"

else. should

he

unexceptionable neither the in

which

he

himself. who

play
is
or

or

sing
soul pages

should of of wit."
a

bear Two
are

in

mind
verses

brevity

the

ballad,

four
to

piece,
If your
more

at

all

times desire

enough
more,

give pleasure. they will ask for

audience
;

and

it

is

80

GOOD

MANNERS.

infinitely more
receive for
come can

flattering to
of
your
have

be

encored,
not
so

than
much

to

the. thanks you

an

what
to

given
last.

hearers, them, but

end but

at

That

having performer, indeed,

for

have

little famous

Longfellow's
asked
a

maravedi

Music, ing off." adapted to the company.

would
as
a

emulate to cares pride who piper of Bujalance, "who for playing, and for le ten like should conversation,
A
sonata

/-

ie ./n

of

Beetho'

be

as

much
at

comic

song

for of the only care and Verdi seurs connoisseason give Offenbach ; to wrill be as likely to meet give such music Above the exigencies of a fine taste. all, attempt that with and cannot execute ea/"j nothing you precision. u of successful At The \omes," great secret is to assemble as as distinguished r isons many do not with mean simply pe: ons possible. We
who
a

place in some To a quaker's meeting. the light popularities

out

of

cireios
those

handle

to

their talents

names,
or

but character

men

a-

women

who

by
is when
arm

their
a

have

made

for

themselves

lady
care

place in especially placed under

supper
to

foremost

society. If no a gentleman's
he he has very
must

is

announced,
whom

offer
versed con-

his

the

lady
will

with the
see

last

; one,

but

unless

party
that

be
no

crowded is unprovided

the with

hostess
a

lady
open

cavalier.
rooms one can

The

more

throw

for

these

88

GOOD

MANNERS.

help is really needed, and you do would must disoblige by refusing, you your quietly and coolly as best, and, by doing it as ridiculous. or being awkward possible, avoid take Even no pleasure in though you may of the etiquette and knowledge cards, some in is most rules belonging to the games vogue in hand to you society. If a fourth necessary
course, if

your

is wanted sit deemed

to

at

rubber,
to
a an

or

if

the
game,

rest

of

the would

pany com-

down

round

you if

be

guilty

of

impoliteness
not

you

refused

join.
Married

people
where be

should
the

play
is rule married who know
so

at

the small

same

table,
it

unless

party
This

that
thing no-

cannot
so

avoided.
to

supposes

disgraceful
collusion
cannot ;

any

dishonest

but

persons
to

couple as play regularly

so

together
each other's that
even

fail of

much

of

mode the in

acting
no

under

chances

stances, given circumlonger remain fectly per-

favor for without

amusement

of

their

adversaries.
stakes than Cards
;

Never afford resorted

never.

play
to

higher

you should

can

lose
to

regret.

be

for

only
ever no can

for

excitement,
at

No

well-bred
You unless

person have

loses

temper
to

the
to

card-table. the luck game with

right
bear
a

sit
run

down of

you

long
are

ill-

perfect

composure,

and

prepared

MORNING

AND

EVENING

PARTIES.

89

cheerfully
partner
If you may
are

to

pass chance
an

over

to

any make.

blunders

that

your

of If

saying
the
more

so

others

a player, make point before join a party at whist. you fine finitely are players, they will be infor declining than obliged to you

indifferent

accepting
have
no

their

invitation.
to

In

any

case

you your

bad

right play.
let
even

spoil

their

pleasure

by

Never

for

very

high

politeness induce stakes. Etiquette

to play you is the minor

should be allowed morality of life ; but it never the to outweigh higher code of right and wrong. ladies decline to Young play at cards may without being deemed guilty of impoliteness. No at ing evenlady should an young very appear

party
In

without

an a

escort.

retiring from
that purpose you of

crowded seek

party
out

it is
hostess

cessary unne-

should

the

for

the

bidding her a formal good-night. others By doing this you would, perhaps, remind it was that the to cause getting late and party If you break the meet on lady of the house up. to the drawing-room door, take your your way leave of her as unobtrusively as possible, and without of her slip away attracting the attention
other

guests.

Introductions
Almost
meet at

parties are evening Persons wholly dispensed with. friend's house a are ostensibly upon
at

now

who
an

90

GOOD

MANNERS.

equality, and by appearing

fashioned
each

pay

bad

compliment
and formal.

to

the

host
oldducing intro-

suspicious
hosts
coiner new

Some
in

country
It

yet
to

persevere
all
cannot

the

assembled

guests.

is
and

custom
one

that that

be

too

soon

abolished,
All that

visitor
she like

in
can a

places the singularly awkward

do is
to

last

tunate unfor-

position.
semicircular
an as dience, au-

make

courtesy,
and

composure It should
persons
a

singer the bear general gaze as possible.

concert

before with

much

be
are

remembered

that

to

introduce
is to take underto

who serious the

mutually unknown responsibility, and

of the

to.

certify
Never

each

respectability
this

other.

in the first responsibility without the are place asking yourself whether persons in the other, likely to be agreeable to each nor, whether it second ascertaining place, without will be acceptable to both parties to become acquainted. There some are exceptions to the etiquette of At introductions. ball a or evening party, is mistress of the there where dancing, the introduce house to any gentleman lady may any But first asking the without lady's permission. whether the she should first ascertain lady is this of consideration and out willing to dance ; otherwise be who for the regentleman, may

undertake

MORNING

AND

EVENING

PARTIES.

91

fused.
a

No

man

likes
it be

to

be for

refused
a

the

hand

of

lady, though
A sister
son,

only
kind

quadrille.
or
a

may

present
any

her

brother,
of

mother

"

preliminary. introduce the the to Always lady gentleman the The never chivalry lady to the gentleman. of etiquette assumes that the lady is invariably the and that the superior in right of her sex, is honored in the introduction. The gentleman
is to the Where
J.U
"

her

without

rule

be

observed is

even

when than
same,

the that

social
of the

rank

of

gentleman
the
C
"

higher
are

lady.

sexes

the
"

always

present

the

interior

to

i.1

the
a

superior.

Never first

present
her

gentleman
to

to

a so.

lady
a

without

asking
you

permission
are

do

When seldom

introduced hand. When

to

stranger,
sons perto
a

offer limit

your their

introduced,
of
each

recognition
introduce

other

bow. Friends may friends

at
as a

the

house it is the
thority au-

of

mutual
to

acquaintance;
be introduced
an

but, by
the

rule,
of
more

better

mistress carries

house.

Such
with

introduction

it.

If at

small if do you
not

party
can

where

there
on

is

no

musician
for but the

engaged,

perform
to

the

dancing,
offer your

wait

be if

solicited
there is
a

services,
to

or,

piano to play, lady at

the

piano,

offer

relieve

her.

To

turn

leaves

92

GOOD

MANNERS.

for

another,

and and

sometimes well-bred
to

call actions.
amusement

figures,

are

also

good-natured
If

dancing
a

is

be

the first

of
should

the
be

ing, even-

gentleman's
you

dance and

with with

the

lady
ladies Dance

accompanied,
of
the hostess's and

afterwards

the

family.
gracefully,
too

easily
but
not

keeping
pains
with

perfect
your

time, steps.
When

taking

great

your
a

conduct

your
may sit another dance.
or

partner
stand

to

seat

after

dance,
unless

you
you her
see

by

to

verse, con-

gentleman

is

ing wait-

to

invite
not

to

Do inless After

take

the

vacant

seat

next

to

lady

you

are

acquainted
do
not

with offer

her.

dancing,
arm

your
to

hand,
a

but

your

to

conduct

your

partner

seat.

CHAPTER

X.

The

Ball

TNVITATIONS
three should The be weeks answered
or

to
a

ball
month

should

be

sent

out

beforehand,

and

immediately.
for
a

first
rooms,

requisites good
A very
one

pleasant plenty
is almost
to

ball of
sure

are

good
company. be
sort

music,
small should

and ball

good
to

dull.

No

attempt
without

give fully
of
so

this
pared pre-

of

entertainment for
a

being

considerable

expenditure Nothing
dance your them you let
;

time,

money,

and
*'

patience.
a

is
the

factory unsatisdear

as

carpet
you
must

with friends
a

girls
the
and

to

play."
you

If

wish

to

enjoy
floor
to

dancing,

give
; must

good
them well you

professional
the in
to

music you

if

wish it be if
must

enjoy
and them your

supper,

served wish

great

abundance the with company,

lastly,
you

enjoy

provide

visitors The

suitable

partners.
for
a

preparation

ball

begins
be made

with
as

the

reception-rooms,
and

which

must

light
a

airy
effect

as

possible.
than used
an

Nothing
of
on

produces shrubs,
stairs,

pier hap-

abundance

plants,
in the

and

flowers

freely

the

94

GOOD

MANNERS.

The landing-places, "c. fire-places in be screened should and by flowers summer, be provided with or spring. It guards in winter and is easy, by the help of screens evergreens, small the musicians, to arrange a gallery for so and that not seen. they shall be heard A refreshment-room should, if possible, be
recesses,
on

the the

same

floor
may staircases.

as

the be

ball-room,

in risk

order

that

ladies

ladies' the A draughty for the hat-room cloak-room, and gentlemen, a both are indispensable. number the of guests at a dinner As party of the is regulated by the size table, so should the number the of

sparecl all lobby for

from

invitations

to

ball

be

limited

A proportions of the ball-room. hostess will, however, always invite more she than to entertain, in really desires

by

prudent
guests
the
tainty cer-

that the will

there

will

be

some comes

deserters round that

;

when but
to

appointed
at

evening
time is to

she
crowd over-

the her

same room

remember

spoil
that

the
a

pleasure
party
are

of

those

who when

love
too
as room

dancing, and numerously

one

of this
is
as

kind,
a

attended,
too

great

failure A

at

which
is

few

present.
yet
a

which than it is
a

nearly
will

longer
favorable

broad,

square, found be

little
most

the

for

ball. round square

It admits

of
at

two
same

quadrille
time.

parties, or two In a perfectly

dances,
room

the

this

arrangement

96

GOOD

MANNERS.

To
of

play
the
as

dance
art

music

thoroughly
every

well

is

branch

which

requires
from

considerable other kind

practice.
of

It is

different whale

ing play-

fishing is from fly fishing. Those who to bear give private balls will do well ever this in and skilled to provide mind, musicians for the evening small For a party, a piano and make a pleasant combination. cornopean very Unless where several instruments are engaged,
as we

do

not

recommend

the

introduction

of
the

the

violin.

Although
solo
when

in

some

respects
is

finest thin

of
and

all

instruments,

it

apt

to

sound

shrill

dance The

tunes,
room

employed on mere and played by a mere provided for the

should
to

inexpressive dance player.

accommodation

of

the
;

ladies

have assist hair

several the and and

lookingvisitors
;

glasses
the
rows

attendants

fair

in and

arrangement
of
to

of for

their

dresses shawls.
a

hooks affix each

at

the
to

cloaks the

It is

well

tickets

cloaks, giving
and any thread little

cate duplishould

to
be

lady.
hand

Needles
to

always
be

repair
The

accident

incurred should

in

dancing. kept amply

this should

refreshment-room
ning. evefreshments re-

Where

supplied during the be cannot arranged, the

be handed
round

between

the

dances. The

ball

question depends on or evening

of

supper
the
means

is

one

which

so

tirely en-

of very

those

who
can

give
be

party, that

little

THE

BALL.

97

paid
Where

upon
money

it in
is
to

a no

treatise

of

this

object,
the whole
to

it is of

description. always course

"with in all from
sent

preferable applicances
some

have and

supper,

means

boot,"
spares
or

first-rate
to

house.

It

all their

trouble,
servants,

whether and

the the

entertainers
hostess render of such every

relieves

circumstances
we

would

only
however abundant

observe

supper,

simple,
in

anxiety. Where course a imprudent, that home-provided a should be good of its

kind,
much

and

generally

hungry

aggrieved if demand. to the unequal Perhaps the very best plan of having arranged on supper
servants
one

Dancers are quantity. themselves feel people, and the supply of eatables proves

is the

French

one, with No

long
all
or

buffets
comers.

behind down
to

to

attend

to

sits

ball wall

suppers,

if

seats

are

arranged
stand. No
a

by

the

for

the

ladies,

the

men gentleto
are an

gentleman
if he who does would

should
not

accept
dance.

an

invitation
ladies

ball

When

pleased to receive themselves who hold invitation, those gentlemen aloof are guilty, not only of a negative, but positive, act of neglect. To without to dance knowledge a attempt
present
be

of

dancing
but

is

not

only

to 'make

one's

self

lous, ridicuor

one's

partner

also.

No

lady

gen-

98

GOOD

MANNERS.
i

tleman
absurd

has

the

right

to

place

paitner

in

this

position. On entering the ball-room, the visitor should seek the at once lady of the house, and pay her llaving done this, she may respects to her. such with salutations friends and exchange be in the room. as acquaintances may invitation No to dance lady should accept an she has been whom from to not a gentleman In should introduced. case gentleman any of so the commit error inviting her, she should herself the not excuse on plea of a previous of fatigue, as do would to or so engagement, portance imdid she herself attach due not imply that
to

the

necessary
best have

ceremony
would be
to

of
the

duction. introeffect

Her that his she would

reply
much

pleasure
procure may balls.
a

in
an

accepting
tion introducbe taken

invitation,
to

if This

he

would

her.

observation
to

as

applying
accept

only
for
or

public
she friend.
are

No

lady
at
on

should
a

refreshments these old hostess

from
must

stranger

public ball ; father, brother,

party
the host the

rely
At
a

her

private

and

sufficient

respectability of their would show a singular although a gentleman laws of of the of knowledge want society in should have supposed, the lady who acting as we if he were nent impertimerely an as reply to him would stranger in a public assembly-room
for

guarantees and guests;

THE

BALL.

99

be
mere

implying
of
a

an

affront

to

her

entertainers.

The
the of each

fact of being
mutual

assembled friend is

together
in itself the

under
a

roof

kind
to

general
other.
An

introduction

of

guests

given for the mere purpose of enabling a lady and to go gentleman through dance an anceship. acquainttogether does not constitute a The the lady is at liberty to pass the in park the next gentleman day without recognition. that It is not be lady should a quainted acnecessary
introduction
with
or

the

steps, in order
a

to

walk An

fully graceeasy
are

easily through carriage and a knowledge

that We is necessary.
now

quadrille.
of the

figures
ball-room

all

pass

to

that
concerns

part

of

quette eti-

which A

chiefly
cannot

gentleman

ask

being
of Never the

first

introduced

to

gentlemen. lady to dance her by some

in other

out withber mem-

hostess's
enter
a

family.
ball-room

than

full

evening dress, and white or light kid gloves. A be careful cannot too to not gentleman The of the injure a lady's dress. men young day are inconceivably thoughtless in present
this

respect,
which

and

often do

seem

to

think
an

the

chief mis-

they

scarcely
never

worth
wear

apology.
in
a

Cavalry
ball-room.

officers

should

spurs

100

GOOD

MANNERS.

Bear

in

mind

that

all casino
in
a

habits

are

to

be

scrupulously
is
an

avoided
to
a

affront
behind dance.

hand
a

you,

It private ball-room. her highly-bred lady to hold or on hip, when dancing your

round Never

It is forget a ball-room engagement. the greatest neglect and slight that a gentleman offer to a lady. can the At end of a quadrille the beginning and bows and bows to his partner, gentleman again handing her to a seat. on After the offer to dancing, gentleman may the lady to the refreshment-room. conduct for dance should not be one Engagements
made If while
a

the

present
stand whom that

dance
to

is

yet in progress.
a

lady happens
and

forget

previous

gagement, en-

the bound

gentleman
to

with up she has

she has

another thus acted

means

partner,

slighted
from
suffer
cause mere

is

believe
and

inadvertence,

should
his

by

no

his
a

pride to master disagreeable scene

affront

To good temper. in a private ball-room

is

to

your

host
In

and
a

hostess,

and

to

make

absurd.

public

room

it

is

no

yourself less

reprehensible. remember that and Always good breeding of good temper) good temper (or the appearance are inseparably connected. not Young are gentlemen earnestly advised
to

limit

their

conversation

to

remarks

on

THE

BALL.

10 i

weather certain

and

the

heat

of

the
on

room.

It
to

is, to
thing somea

extent,
more

incumbent
dance when it be

them

do

than

they only

invite

lady
news

to

join
the least the Never

of
at

If quadrille. day, a gentleman

a

should

the upon be able to

to

offer

three
course

or

four
a

observations half-hour.

his

partner

in

of
seen

long
without

be it
were

gloves
few

in

ball-room,
Those

though
who
matters

dance

only for a are much, and

moments.

relating to the soiled. pair of gloves to replace the first when A hostess will introduce thoughtful never a dancer bad because she has to a good one, no in friend order to Tight to punish one oblige
another. It dance
A

particularly soign" in second toilette, take a

is

for customary together in society.

not

married

persons

to

gentleman
waits upon
as

conducts her she till

his she

last has

partner
had then
as

to

supper; much her

refreshment

wishes,
or

and

takes

back

to

the

ball-room much

her

chaperone.
he ask may her would take
to

However

pleasure
not

in
too

lady's society, he must Engaged frequently.

bear this in mind. Withdraw
so

dance do well

persons

to

from
that your

ball-room

as

quietly
may the of
not

as

sible, posserved obto

departure
and
meet
so cause

be

by
break up.

others,
If

party
the house

ydu.

the

lady

102

GOOD

MANNERS.

on

your

way
that the

out,
other

take

your

leave

in
not

such
observe

manner

guests
seek

may

it
;

but

by

no

means

her

out

for

that

purpose. No
and
tune

person
need

who

has

not

good
well.

ear

for

time

hope
gentleman

to

dance should made dance

Lastty,
unless be he

not

go
his up

to

ball
to

has

previously
that
:

mind

agreeable
well
as

is,
most

to

with
to

the take

plainest
down of her into about

as

with

the

beautiful
;
to

an

elderly

chaperone
with the
a

instead supper, grace of

:

lovely
the the

charge, spirit doorway drinking,

of

good
instead

to

enter

dance,
to

hanging
immoderate

abstain

from

ing, eat-

or

talking;
cheerfulness

to

submit in
;

to

trifling
to

annoyances

with

fact,
as

forget
to

himself,
the
amusement

and

contribute

as

much

possible

of

others.

104

GOOD

MANNERS.

An

invitation
and

to

dine

should

unequivocally Once event accepted, nothing but an of the last importance should to fail cause you in To be engagement. exactly punctual your these is the only politeness. If occasions on you in the if too too are are early, you late, way ; the hostess, and spoil the dinner, annoy are you hated Some authorities by the guests. are even in the of opinion that question of a dinner is better than "late-," and one party "never"
author reach better has the

immediately,

replied to clined. accepted or de-

be

gone house
and

so

far

as

to

''

say,
is

If you you
not

do

not

till dinner send

an

served,
and

had
inter

retire the

apology,
courses

rupt
excuses

harmony
and cold

of

the

by
the

awkward

When the house whom go

acceptance." the party is assembled, will point out to each

he is to

mistress

of the

gentleman
The

lady
then

conduct
to
or

to

table.

guests
guests
know

down

according
the host

order

of
as

precedence
the

by arranged are probably

each
The other's

hostess, and unacquainted,

rank. is the

cannot

social
who

lady

greatest
master

stranger
the

should
and

be
the

taken

down

by

the

of

house,

gentleman
conduct

who
the

is

the

greatest
Married

stranger
ladies ladies

should take of

hostess.

precedence

of
and

single ladies,
so on.

elder

ones, younger takes precedence

young

bride

of

all other

ladies.

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

105

When
arm

dinner the

is announced,
most
a

the

host

offers

his
the and

to to

lady of by
5 the

distinction, invites
words follow have
or a

rest

follow way host the she

few visitors

bow,
the

leads that

the the of

in

order The the

and house may

hostess

lady

remains,
see

arranged. till however,

go down is
not
a

last, that
orescribed

her but

guests
the be much
as

in their
venient con-

order;
one.

plan

It would be
in

better the she

that

the
enter

hostess the their them she

should

her order
as

place
that

guests
may

dining-room,
seats

in

indicate
find when

to

them

all crowded arrives.

not they enter, and together in uncertainty

Offer table wait

to

your until

lady
she and

the

left

arm.

and is

at

the

every

lady

taking parlor you

the Pass she

own your will pass out

In place. first,and
arm.

fore seated, beleaving the the lady will the door

arm.

foliow, still holding

your

At

of

dining-room, in, then wait

to

the
on

lady
one

will side
at
a

drop
the the

your

entrance

till

passes you, The number

on

her

place
at
room

table.

of
size

guests
of
the laid
at

dinner and the

party
size

pends de-

the The the

of

the

table. that be

rule

down
a

by Brillafc-Savaparty
more

rin,
not

numbers the
one.

dinner
nor

should
than the

less is
a

than

Graces,
Even

Muses,
are

good
the should

numbers,
and
out

however,
the number
to

always
thirteen

most

convenient,
be avoided

of

of

respect

108

GOOD

MANNERS.

any

possible
The be

superstition
number of

on

the
and

part

of

the

guests.
should Great of
your

ladies

gentlemen
distribution
or a

equal.
must

tact

be If

exercised
you have

in
a

the

guests.
among your
centre

wit,
well where

good

talker,
him be bad
near

the
and

visitors, it is of the table,

to

to

place
he
can

heard

talked

by all.

It is

such plan to place two persons other. Nor should two they extinguish each the of same profession be placed gentleman close they are together, as likoly to fall into exclusive but amuse no one conversation, and

obviously a together 5

themselves.
A

the (or hostess) will consider of his tastes politics, religious opinions, and social friends, thus avoiding many quicksands, dinner of dethe and lightful making party a vehicle

judicious

host

social Converse
not

intercourse.
a

in
an

low

tone

to

with

air do

of

secrecy.
raise your
at

neighbor, yet your If the conversation

voice
some

is you
you

general,
cannot

not

too

much

if

make

those
in
a

distance

hear

when remarks

speaking
to

moderate

tone,

confine

your

these

near or

you.

be

it

should not gentlemen asked to dinner tainly people cerparties. Young ruin of dinner the parties. are The what of dinners is wholly unlike fashion Dishes was fifty or even thirty years ago.

Very

young

ladies

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

107

are

now

never

ceremony, dinners. The

on

of

placed on and rarely

a

the
even

table
at

at

dinner

small

friendly

dinner old

la

the

fashion
to
see

agreeable fruit, and

will
the
resort
new.

epergnes
to

the

improvement it is more elegant and more ; only crystal, plate, flowers, few before and people ; you old mode who have once begun
Russe is
a

great

The

dinner

la

Russe

is

the

poetry

of

dining. The shape

oval
;

of

the

table
most

is

an

The

table the

offers host and

important point. for conversation advantages

sit in other. the The middle French
side

hostess each

of

each

side, opposite
of the
one.

to

fashion side
a

the

host

and

hostess side of

sitting
the table

by

in

middle

of

one

is not

bad
The

appointments
on on

of
one

the

table
or
as

may

be

as

sumptuous

the

hand,
as

delicately
tastes

elegant
means

the the
at

other,

suits

the of
cost

and and their

of

may dinner-service for

one

family

Persons family. slight additional

and

rank have

table-linen
arms

made
crest

them,
and

with
woven

their in any
on

or

expressly painted on the

is far The it is
to
more

the
mere

others.

This

redierchg also

than

design. silver;
but
too

crest

is

engraven heraldic pushing it also We

on now

the

perhaps
engrave

pretension
and the Romans

far

the

wine

finger glasses.
and
cover our

imitate

'108

GOOD

MANNEHS.

tables

with the

flowers
richest

"

happy

innovation.
can

Of

flowers,
have
"

many. button-hole'

too

choicest, one small A glass vase bouquet placed at

and

hardly containing

dainty ; the guests remove Glass flower on vases ave leaving the table. perhaps preferable to silver ones. for needful is really Light digestion, and should be are Lamps supplied in profusion. is simply out of place on a dining-table. Gas
intolerable. Scott how Lockhart the
at

is very

cover every the bouquets

describes introduced
i"

in

his

life
into

of
the

host

gas
In
no
u

dining-room
to

Abbotsford.
he

sitting
one

down

table in

in

autumn,"
of
red three

said,
Dinner

observed

that

each of

chandeliers

there

lurked

passed off, and the ing went sun suddenly, at the turnthe room of a screw, filled with a gush was of splendor of the worthy palace of Aladdin the old of Aladdin, but, as in the case lamp in the upshot. Jewellery would have been better cold and and lips looked sparkled, but cheeks tiny light. down, and
wan

head

"

in

this

fierce and the

illumination
brow

and
if the

the

eye

was
was

wearied,
at

ached,
recourse

sitting

We
and than of
wax

protracted/' therefore, have must,

candles. The Too
too

all

to

epergnes

There

should should

be be is

more

lights
and
as

guests.

candles
much

of wax,

good

size.
as

light

almost

jectiona ob-

little,since

among

your

guests

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

109

may
whom

be

whose persons eyes it is positive torture

best
on

are

weak,
face
a

and

to

to

brilliant of
and

light. The wax lights

not

the
on

plan is to have chimney-piece

the table. is

abundance and

walls,

many Plenty of

too

attendance be well

servants

should

The indispensable. trained, silent, observant, and free awkward. breathes from

scrupulously dressed, is never A good servant

never

gaucherie.
His boots
a

creak

;
to

he

never

hard,

has

cold,
or

is

on a cough, treads lady's dress, breaks dish. If only two in servants a are should the one begin with guest his master's the right, ending with lady of

obliged

tendance, aton

the misdo

house ress's
not

the

other

with

the the

guest
master. must

on

his If be

right, ending with wear gloves, their

clean.

they
lously scrupu-

hands

The
say

clergyman

of

highest

rank

is
house

asked

to

if the master but of the grace j in the is his he Church, own and pronounces the fare grace

is himself

family chaplain,
laid
to

himself. be

Written
two

bills

of

should

every

guests.
The
most

elegant

novelties

for

the be

ment appointobtained. silver

of

the

dinner-table
we

should
may

the latest of these Among fish-knives, semicircular

mention

salad

plates, and

glasses
"

of

new any In the

shape lately
case

introduced.

of

small

unceremonious

dinners,

110

GOOD

MANNERS.

where

the

dishes

are

brought
the

to

table,

the

sitting
should
should

nearest
carve

offer

to

for

her.

lady of the Every gentleman

to
carve

gentleman house

therefore
comes

know table

how

well. the fish.

to

The

soup
is

to to

first,and
and
as

then

It
each

best

guest
choose. Bu"

help both without asking,

the
we

send

round
can

they
Russe

refuse

if

they

dinner
must to

observations
no are

dishes few

appear and from

versal, unibeing now so more especially confine our that form. Granted, then, that the table, the rules of dining on Both host and

la

easy. every

guest

are

relieved
after

kind

of

dish

comes

round,
but talk
to eat at

nothing
To
;

remains
and the

responsibility. if by as magic and be happy.

the way
same

Dish
j

and

eat

well

time
"

is

sible posyour well

but

old-fashioned

of
to

seeing
as

dinner
as

before talk
the
too
a

you,"

and

having
a

carve,

to

and

eat, involved
of very
at
a

triple duty
It is not

only
well
must

within
to

compass
much

few.

talk

dinner

party.

One

dulness between and happy medium that dinner is not a brilliancy, remembering a In indeed conversazione. talking at dinner, or thing Noat any time, gesticulation is objectionable. observe
can
a

well

be

more or

awkward

than
sauce

to

turn over-

wine-glass,
of
your

upset

the

upon

the with

dress

nearest

neighbor.

Talking

112

GOOD

MANNERS.

To

drink

whole

glass to the last Knife, fork, and needless, perhaps,

never

drain or glassful at once, drop, is inexpressibly vulgar.

spoon
to

be abused. may knife that the hint

It is
must

be with

carried
a

to

the
as

mouth. also of
peas,
a

Cheese
and
most

must

be

eaten

fork,

tables. vegeand

Only puddings liquids, require a spoon.

Bread
cut.
or

very

soft

kind,

is not

to
a

be

bitten,
of

but

broken,
into
the

never

Never preserves
if you into with

dip

piece

but

upon wish to

gravy plate, and then bite it ; your the them eat together, break and
carry

bread

bread
mouth

small your
and

pieceu,
fork.

these

to

your side
be

Mustard,
of
the

salt, "c., should

one

be

put
should

at

the
never

plate,
on

vegetable

heaped
that and
not

be
not

tilted

bend

ber Always rememheld by the stem a the not that the plate must bowl, and should In eating, one occasion. on any the the head plate, voraciously over

the

top of the other. wine-glass is to be

extend

the

elbows,
all the Use

or

rattle

the

knife

and

fork

but and

transact

business

of the
the

gently.
and
or

always
;

quietly salt-spoon, sugartable your

own

tongs,
spoon,

butter-knife

to
a

use

knife,
want

lingers, evinces good breeding. the Never put bones, or

the table-cloth. Put
them

shocking
seeds upon

of

cf

fruit, upon

the

edge

of

your

plate.

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

113

Anything
bred.
must you in favor

The
not

greediness or choicest pieces are take piece up one

another,
of
not
or

like

indecision

is ill;

ignored
and

and

lay
whether is

it

down,
you in

of

hesitate
at

will the

partake
extreme

the
to

dish know

all.
own

It

ymtche

one's

mind

about

trifles. Silver tables

crust ;

fish-knives but where be

are

found
are

at

the

best
a

dinner-

there taken in

none,

piece
and

of the

should in the

the

left

hand,
observe

fork
In others is to convey

right.
to

it is well eating asparagus, act do, and accordingly. break them such of
as

what

The

best and

plan
thus
stonesame

off the
to

heads the

with

the In

fork,

mouth.

fruit,
stones

cherries,
fashion the mouth

diversity
out

plums, .prevails.
into the

eating "c., the

Some
spoon,
cover

put
and the

the
so

of

3onvey with

them the

to

the

plate.

Others

lips

into the unseen drop the stones side of the the so on deposit them palm, and the out stone plate. Very dainty feeders press the fork, in the first instance, and with thus get rid

hand,

of

the

difficulty.
is
eaten

This

is the

safest

way

for

ladies. Fruit A
as

with
eater

silver will
;
so

knife
pare

and
an

fork. orange

very
to

expert
lose
none

fruit

of the
rather

juice
than but
to

but

be

sacrificed
use

one's
cut

anything must good manners.

your food. Your

Never

your

knife

114

GOOD

MANNERS.

fork

is
to

intended
your
to

to

carry

the
use

food
your

from
own

plate
or

mouth.

Never

your knife

help others. At dinner eat cheese, or parties ladies seldom drink at dessert. liquors, or take wine Fingerglasses containing water and slightly warmed at perfumed dessert. are placed to each person In these them fingers, wiping dip your you afterwards If the fingeron table-napkin. your dessertglass and d'oyley are placed on your should the plate, you remove d'oyley to the left hand and it. place the finger-glass upon The retire after servants round the handing
dessert. It
to

fork

is

foreign
coffee it

custom,
in the
an so

and

an

excellent
before

one, the

serve

dining-room
end
to

retire; wine-drinking,

ladies

puts

the

prolonged
condemned

now

universally
When the for until them the the

by
the the

well-bred

persons.

ladies

retire,
nearest

gentlemen
door holds

rise, and
it open the table

gentleman
to

pass

through.
of
the

Never
house

leave

mistress

gives
put
them

the

signal.
or

Never carry
as

fruit from

bon-bons table.
so

in Do

your
not

pocket
eat
as so

to

the

fast

to

them

On

hurry the others, nor waiting. leaving the table put

do
not

slowly

to

keep
the
to

your

napkin
your
arm

on

table, but

fold

it.

Offer
to

the

lady

whom

you

escorted

the

table.

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

115

Taking
of To

wine

with

people
have
met

is with

now

wholly
the
same

out

fashion.
remain have and them

Toasts

fate.
the the

long
left her is

in
a

the

ladies hostess
to

poor fair visitors.

a

dining-room compliment
Still face and

after
to
worse

both

is

it

rejoin

with

flushed A

powers

of

thought.
of
dinners

refined

impaired is gentleman
no

always
Givers

temperate.
should lose with time that in has themselves

making
been

acquainted

all

written The

by the great masters rules following golden

be the the

of
of

my. gastronoBrillat:
"

Savarin
"

should
not
so

committed
number

to

memory

Let

of

the

guests
be

exceed

twelve,
Let
shall them be

general. that selected be occupations so varied, their tastes similar, their points
that may their
so

conversation

of

contact

numerous

that

to

introduce

them

shall
"

scarcely
Let cloth the

be

necessary. be fineness

dining-room

the

of

exquisite
of
the
room

superbly lighted, and gloss, the

60"
to

temperature
11

from

68"

renheit. Fah-

Let

the

men

be
the

and

cultivated, without tensions; preladies without charming,

be

coquetry.
"Let
not too

the
numerous

dishes
;

exceedingly
every wine

choice,
first-rate

but

and

of

its kind.
u

Let

the

order

of dishes

be

from

the

substan

116

GOOD

MANNERS.

tial to
to

the

light, and
richest
business the

of

wines

from

the

simplest
slow,
drama the
;

those "Let

of
the

bouquet. of eating
last and
act

be the

very

dinner
and
as

being
the
many the the

of

day's

let
so

guests
same

host

consider

themselves

travellers

journeying
hot and the

leisurely liqueur
be

towards
"Let

destination. be

coffee
the host.

chosen
"

by
the

Let

game without for

u

be large enough for drawing-room of cards, if any of the guests cannot do ing it, and yet have enough remainspace after-dinner the

conversation.
be

Let the

guests
and

retained

by
with

the

attractions

of
some

party,

animated

the

hope
the
same

of

evening meeting pleasant auspices.

"

again
too

under

Let

not

the in be
one

tea

be
most

strong
scientific

let
manner

the

toast ;

be

buttered

the

let

the
"

punch
Let
one
"

no

prepared depart
bed
later has

to

perfection.
eleven twelve. o'clock
and

before
than

no

be

in
one

If

any
these

been he

present
may

at

party
of

filling ful-

conditions,
at

boast

having

apotheosis/' need be costly to be attractive. A dinner not his in celebrated serves Walker, Original," obmade Common at home, fish of : soup little cost, any joints, the cheapest vegetables, introduction (as a some happy and unexpected
been

present

his

own

"

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

117

pudding) a provided finely-dressed crab, or are everything is good in quality, and the dishes well hot, and in succession, dressed, and served insure will their with a quantity of adjuncts need be which afraid to one no enjoyment
" "

offer."

Observe,
with
sentence

however,

these

three lies wisdom and the

little

words,
the

their
5

Herein adjuncts. here speaks the

gist of
of
the

tised prac-

diner.

On

the

prompt

of of

these dinner is

same

dinner

"adjuncts" How depends. spoilt by the

those

half often
slow

quick serving the enjoyment

an

excellent
non-

arrival, or
have

arrival, of
which proper cools

necessary
meat
nor

condiments

without
their if

neither flavors. while is almost

;
we

vegetables
beef for
is the

The
are

best

spoilt
mustard has in if

it
;

waiting
if the

veal

uneatable asparagus,
cease

lemon

been

forgotten
would

to

though served be a delicacy

and
toast.

ber, Decemup mistress

sent

without of
a

melted

butter
never
or

The these

house
to

should memory order dish.

not
or

leave

small her

tails de;

the

judgment
accustomed these them the
to

of

cook

but with

should each

the To
to

know know

"adjuncts" things is not

is to shock the those
tine rou-

difficult, and

prejudices
who have of

disappoint
accustomed

appetites of
the received

been

cookery.
stands

Small

of

pepper,

mustard,

and

salt

118

GOOD

MANNERS.

should

be

placed
that
no

to
one

every
may

two

guests

at

ner din-

kept waiting for the of seasoning, according means to his taste, the which food has been him. placed before A will man wealthy study to give the best dinners that and taste But can provide. money
party,
money,

be

let

us

ever

remember,

is not

taste;

and

in order to grudge though we no expense may please our guests, too great a display of wealth and profusion is bourgeois to the last degree. To that is out of season, and provide everything that is in season, of pretension. savors nothing The of a good dinner is to have common sense early and things when they are really at their best. dinner

A is
a

very
ever

choice the
most
are

and

not

over

sumptuous
delicacies
as canvas-

elegant.

Rare

from backed
Wines

distance

recherc/tg, such

ducks,
should
are

terrapins, reedbirds, "c., "c. always be of the choicest.

taken
"

tain Ceroldwith

wines

with
as

certain
or

dishes, by
sauterne,
roast

established
soup and

custom

sherry,
claret with

fish

hock
;

and

with

meat;

punch with burgundy,

the
sweets roast ;

turtle
with and

port

venison
wines

port,
between

or

game; the

sparkling confectionery;
;

madeira dessert,
Ked

with

cheese port with sherry, tokay, madeira, should

never

and

for

port,
wines Claret

and

claret. in be
summer.

be

iced,

even

and

burgundy

should

always

slightly warmed.

120

GOOD

MANNERS.

are

used

for
for for
;

glasses

glasses
for hock

sparkling wines; large goblet-shaped and claret wine burgundy ; ordinary madeira sherry and glasses ; green and somewhat large bell-shaped
port.
the

glasses
While

for
on
en

subject
that
"

of

wines,
it is
or
"

passant,
say

it may considered

be

served, ob-

vulgar

sherry In England well-bred no speaks of either person as anything but port" or sherry." No wellthe bred other Frenchman, hand, would on vin de Champagne," speak of wines except as
to

port

wine"

very wine."

"

"

"

4t

vin

de

Grave,"
the many

"

vin

de

Bordeaux." in
are

This the

is

one manners

of

instances

which the

of

one

country
and of

good vulgarity of
will

another. As there number who and

are,

probably
persons who their their
we

ever

be,
to to

certain customs,

cling
friends dinners

old take

wine,
in the

challenge persist in having

manner,

still

served

old-fashioned
which dinner Russe.

observations dinners
dressed The house of
to

would
customs

not

be

subjoin a few applicable to

the table is

and d la

where

gentlemen
should offer

who
to

support
relieve
are

the her of

lady
the

of

the

duties thus all

hostess.

Many
the who

ladies

well
of

delegate gentlemen
should

difficulties

pleased carving, and

to

accept
to

invitations
render

dinner

be

prepared

such

assistance

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

121

when then

called

upon.

To

offer

to

carve

dish,

and

perform the office unskilfully, is an gentleman gaucherie. Every

and soup
carve

donable unpar-

should

carve,

well. be

The Some fish in

should

placed
is
a

on

the

table soup

first. and

old-fashioned

persons
"it the in

still
custom

place
more

together,
the

but than and if

honored Still
more

breach

observance." still will

worse

old-fashioned,
ask your
are

taste,
u

is
or

it

to

guests
as

they
all

take
courses

soup
as

fish." fish

They
and both.
to

much and

separate

the

the In

meat,

force

visitor,
his

in

take experienced diners it is inhospitable to appear case, any choice that visitor, when a upon all probability, will prefer to take first and his fish afterwards. soup, whether the house ing askan

soup well-ordered in
summer

All

dinners
or

begin
The send it

with

winter.

lady
round
"

of

should each understood

and

help it, and

individual

without
as

in- turn
as

it is

much

thing
who leave do
to

the
not

bread

beside it
are

each

those

choose

plate ; always at
soup

liberty
twice. If the

it

untasted.

Never

take

the

servants

do

not

go

round

with

wine,

selves gentlemen should help the ladies and themthe with sau^erne to sherry or soup. it is better to ask As not general rule, a your guests if they will partake of the dishes, but to let them send the acoept or plates round, and

122

GOOD

MANNERS

decline dinners little

them

as

they
order It the
must

please.
customary
of the be

At

it is sometimes lists the of the

large very distribute to

at

dishes confessed dinner

intervals
that

along
but

table.

this
,"

gives somewhat
it has the

air

of

at

an

hotel

advantage of enabling the visitors select their "forewarned to is fare, and, as the to children forearmed," keep a corner, as
for their say, In helping
that favorite dishes.

soup,
to

fish, or
a

any

other
is
as

dish,
bad
as

member re-

overfill

plate

to

supply it too scantily. a help fish with Always and puddings with a spoon,
spoon In and fork. sauce,

fish-slice, and
or

tart
a

if

necessary,
the

of

helping the plate.

touch have in them you spoon take

always
your

pour

it

on

sile

Never

either finished your

knife

or

fork

until

after your
may In

eating your soup. plate, that the soup plate

knife
or

Leave
servant

both.
your your

changing
remove

passing
and after knife take

it

during
the have fork

dinner,

fork, that
you and

plate
finished
on

alone your

may

be

taken,
cross

but the

dinner,

the

before If

plate, that the bringing clean

are

servant
ones

may for the

all away dessert.

you select the

asked
as

to

take which
a

wine,
your

it is

polite

to

same

that you

interlocutor
to

is

drinking.

If

invite

lady

take

wine,

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

123

you
then

should
take for

ask the any take

same reason

her

which

she

will

prefer,

and

you

can

it

ever, howyourself. Should you, other prefer some vintage, by courteously requesting her

permission.
Unless

you uncivil
to
a

are

total

abstainer,

it

is
if

tremely ex-

to

decline
so.

are

invited
to at

do little

In fresh

taking wine accepting, you

wine into you, your bow

you

have

only
look and It

pour the
a

person

who

invites your

glass, slightly,
these

take is

sip from
to

glass.
your

ill-bred

empty
to

glass
fruit

on

occasions.
If be and you careful
are

asked do
so

prepare
means

for
silver

lady,
knife your

to

by
never

of
to

the

fork

only,
never

and

touch

it with

fingers.
It is wise
to

of what knowing You who hands it to can always ask the servant and all danger of having thereby avoid you, you commit the of leaving it, and to impoliteness that do of it. not showing you approve Be careful to taste never or puddings soups till you are sure they are sufficientlycool ; as, be comby disregardino; this caution, you pelled may is dangerously what to swallow hot, or be driven alternative to the of returning unpardonable it to L3eas your
are

partake of ingredients

dish out withany it is composed.

plate.
with the

eaten

fork.

124

GOOD

MANNERS.

Servants

should
with end
a

not

wait
damask

at

table

in

white

gloves, but the hand,

round The the

white which

of

should

napkin in the be wrapped

never

thumb. house should

send

away
till all

lady of the her plate, or

her

guests

to have appear have finished.

done

eating,
or
can

unfortunately anything, do not apologize for face, but regret in your your
to

If you

should

overturn

break show

it.

You

it is not

well-bred

put
To

it into

words.

abstain

from last it
fear

dish, or the only because It implies a

cannot

the taking the last piece on in the decanter, glass of wine is the last, is highly ill-bred.
on

be
to

your supplied, and

part

that

the

vacancy
an

almost

conveys
and

affront To
at

host. your ladies who those

we

have
one

houses
or

servants to

command

have

two

remarks be

acquainted the and of a dinner with the routine etiquette No be table. of a dinner utterly lady should of her and the taste judgment on dependent
offer.

Every

housekeeper

should

cook.
a

Though
she The be
"

she

need be

not

know
to
a
a

how

to

dress

dish,

should

able of
what say,

judge
house,

of
in

it when

served.

mistress
her is cook
to

short,
is to form his
a

should
authors

to

publisher
to

that
upon
^
r
"""

iudgment
J

their
even

competent works, though

'

himself
article.
A.'
1

in-

capable

or

writing

magazine

TABLE

ETIQUETTE.

125

If
not

you
know do

wish in

to

give
manner

good
to

dinner,
set

and

do

what
to

about any

it,you
first-rate the

will

wisely
and

order these
a

it from
means

restaurateur.

By

you
carte.

insure

best

cookery
dish

faultless

Never If
a

reprove your is not placed it to

servants

before
where order you of a

guests.
would
course

have is

wished

precisely stand, or the

error

reversed, let the

and you

pass

unnoticed that it will

by

unnoticed To mothers make ladies

we

by

may others. who

depend
the Never

yourself, remain

have say,

happiness
let dessert your when
are

of

being
tertain en-

would

children you
out

their

at appearance friends dinner at

children

of

place
tolerate

on

these them

occasions.

Your

guests

only

through politeness ; their presence sation converinterrupts the genial flow of afterdinner the it that, with and rely upon ; may you

exception
is not in the The
not
a

of

yourself
at

and

person

table

who

your does

husband,
not

there them

wish

nursery. duties
;

of
but

hostess

at

dinner
tact

party
and

are

onerous

they
degree.

demand and

breeding, grace in no ordinary

carve

of

bearing,
active

good self-possession
does
to not

She
duties

often

; must

she

has

no

she all

neglect nothing,
guests
at to

perform ; but forget nothing, put

and pay every of each sible pos-

her

their the

ease,

attention

requirements

and

126

GOOD

MANNERS.

all

around No

her.

No

accident

must
must

ruffle embarrass

her

temper.
her.
a

disappointment
see

She
and

must

her

old

china
shattered
more

broken with difficult.

without
a

sigh,
The
a

her

best
a

glass
host
are

smile. Hear

duties modern

of

what

writer
"

has

to

say

on

this

portant im-

To
is
~

subject: faultlessly perform

one

the

honors

of in

the

table

of the

most

difficult asserted
no man

things
has office
as

society.
fear
ever
or

It mii-'ht.
/

indeed,

be that

without

much
vet
"
t

of

contradiction,
exact

reached lias much hit

propriety
mean

in

his

as

host,
is

the

between little. Hisat

exerting
great
ease?

himself

too to

and every

too
one

business
to

put

gratify all make his desires, and him, in a word, absolutely with and contented men things. To accomplish the genius of tact have to perceive, this, he must and to the and execute-, ease genius of finesse of the world frankness of manner ; a knowledge of temper that surprise-, a calmness nothing can position of diskindness and disturb that a nothing can ; entirely
his that he receives he all
can never

be
must

exhausted be
content to

When

others,
must

he

forget

himself;
and
even

relinquish all desire to shine, to please his guests by attempts

rather do all in He his power
to

conversation,
let them them

and

another. please one without agitation, without

behaves
-,

to

affectation of

he he

pays

attention

without

an

air

protection ;

128

GOOD

MANNERS.

The

Almanack will
secret

des

Gourmands
to eat

says,
an

"A

cious deli-

sauce

cause

you of

elephant."
so as

The
to

only

dressing
green
a

vegetables,
color,
proper
is
an

preserve

their

fresh
of

open of

saucepan,

plenty
and

water,

quantity

salt,
The wanted

fast

boiling. proverb
a
"

Spanish
to

says, salad
;
a

Four

persons

are

make

good vinegar,

spendthrift
for

for

oil,
and

miser
a

for
to

counsellor

salt,

madman taken

stir the

it close

all

up."
of
the

Cheese

at

dinner

assists

digestion.
Wines wines wines
The

should
best in

vary
summer

with

the
in
;

season.

Light
generous

are

winter

are

preferable.
of

custom

taking
since
its

coffee stimulant
to

after

very

late

dinner
exert

is

bad,

properties
Never

power
a

destructive
to

sleep.

pour

it

into

saucer

cool.

CHAPTER

XII.

Engagement

and

Marriage.
those
act

pOURTSHIP
\J
course

is of where best life

one

of
to

crises
rule is
sense

in

the

when

by

sible, imposwill

and

feeling
and
man

and

good
one's
a

prove

one's

often will
or

only lady
will

lors. counselwith
too
as a

No
much
a

wise
his No

weary risk
woman

of
bore.

presence, well-bred
"

being

regarded
receive
"

man's

attentions
;
nor

however she carry

acceptable
reserve so

too
as

eagerly
be

will

far

to

altogether
a

discouraging.
let is it be
seen

It that

is

quite
and

possible
such without
a

for

lady

to

such
to

prttendant actually
for
a

.not

disagreeable
him. It show

her, equally
and
even

encouraging
man

is

ble possiduity, assia

to
a

attention, point,
to

up lover. of
tact
or

to

certain likes
a

without

becoming
and the
a man

No will
a

man

be

refused,
Unless

no

man

risk

refusal.

lady
ought
will

is

false,

downright
be able
to

coquette,

always
offer. With

to

judge
he

whether
ventures

he

be his

favorably

heard,

before

upon

regard
to

to

the

manner

of
all
must

the

offer, depend

it

is
on

impossible

offer

advice;

(129)

130

GOOD

MANNERS.

circumstances.
nervous

Is
Has he
a

the

lover

nervous

or

not

Does persuasive tongue ? he Has speak well under trying circumstances? he a good manner ? an If he ? agreeable person these qualifications,he will do well to possesses his offer in person. the contrary, make If, on he is bashful, or labors under of defect any is not down, or speech, or is likely to break gracefully, or in any prepared to take a refusal
?

way

mistrusts he had

his

own

tact

and his

presence
cause

of
to

mind,
pen.
We

far

better

intrust

his

suppose
must

him be

fiance
He every
must

His accepted. tender, assiduous,

the the
as

conduct

as

unobtrusive.
towards He
must

evince of

utmost

respect
considered

member

lady's family.
if he that

act means by no already a member being in any upon must

himself

of
way

venture family, or He unduly familiar.

for

the

present
a

content

himself

with

the

position
interest

of
in

devoted that he
concerns

friend

only;
the
unite

testifying
of the and any

all
which

welfare

family losing
service All

to
no

hopes opportunity of
lie in his may of mastership,

to

himself,
them

rendering
power. all foolish
Lovers' and

that airs

display

of

be avoided. jealousy, should earnestly to be dreaded as are and the quarrels of husbands and sisters. Quarrels cannot

quarrels deprecated as
or

wives,
but

brothers

impair

mutual

ENGAGEMENT

AND

MARRIAGE.

lol

respect and other hand,

must not

diminish
must not

love. be

The

exacting
;
never

the lady, on or capricious

not

flirt
;

with find

others
must

must

be

too

demonstrative
a

find

fault that be
a

out with-

cause.

Both first

should of what

remember is
to

they

are

in

the

stage

lifelong

should manifest the utmost friendship, and candor, confidence, and degree of mutual sym pathy. It must to hint, that surely be unnecessary towards be familiarity must ever no approach The in courtmost ship, perfect reserve indulged in.
even

in

cases

of

the
to

most

ardent

ment, attachof the of

is married devotion mutual in

man

indispensable
life should
to
come.

the

happiness
public
tend
to

All

displays
ridiculous

be and

avoided. make It

They
the is

lessen

respect,
eyes
to
to

actors

the

of

others. every he

quite possible for

attention and
to to

show whom

conceivable is

the

lady

the committing good taste. or Ladies the

as

engaged, slightest offence

remember off
a

yet

avoid

against

delicacy
takes

should
so

that
man's he times

nothing
loves. A

bloom untidiness should

neat.

completely
in be the
at
on woman

admiration,

lady's
clean rously chivalup

dress

all his
to

exquisitely
should be

and

He,

side,
her habits

conformable

tastes,
to

giving
she

snicking,

or

any

other

which

may

132

GOOD

MANNERS.

object; and,
attentions
The
as soon

above other

all
women.

things, paying
the

no

undue

to

gentleman as they
her
to

presents
are

lady
If

with her

ring
lover

engaged.
many her this much of the with

parents
the

permit
will
not

accept
surround

presents,
habit
money
rarest

fail to
:

tokens is
as

of
raged, encou-

his

devotion he in

if,however, can spend as

flowers she A he
can

not

he

pleases
costliest ho may
more

offering her
These

and and

kinds.

always accept
man

always presents
It

offer.
than

sensible
can

will afford.
to

not

give

is the

justly lady's privilege

settlement
or

fix

the

wedding important
allow

day.
The

marriage
No
or

is

an

point.
child
of

parent
to

guardian

should

his

ward

her

fortune

lady
do

be over-generous, may their well to act upon

without having a part marry herself. The secured upon young her advisers will but
own

matter.
as

loss his

or

this in judgment band husIt is quite as advantageous to the of unlooked-for to herself, since, in case is a sure there misfortune, provision for and children.

wife

Professional
and all that

men,

clerks,

commercial

travellers,
men

numerous

class
health in

of
for

who

are

dependent
of their
their

upon

their
are

the

maintenance
to

family,
the

duty
To

bound

insure

lives

for

bene-

tit of

their
return

survivors.
to

the

marriage

settlement.

An

ENGAGEMENT

AND

MARRIAGE.

133

allowance
should that the and
as

for

the be

lady's
not

dress and
to

and
so

pocket
for it
as

always
wife
out
were

made,
have but

money administered it in
son sea-

will

ask

of season,
a

receive

promptly
with for

if The

it

dividend. should the bride. rank with

a

trousseau

be

in

accordance

the

means

of of

It

is preposterous and
a

ladies
to

middle-class themselves in all of

cases

limited

means

provide
;

showy,
trousseau

useless should

outfit consist

and less

bridal

ephemeral Indian, or
like. The in

dresses, bonnets, of linen, fashion, than

Cashmere

things of laces, French, the shawls, jewellery, and

and be from
two
to

bridesmaids
The
nearest

number.

may bride's

twelve groom's bridebe very

are

sisters,

and

the should and groom

female

relations,
The bride brothers and
A

bridesmaids intimate

if

possible.
of for the

friends

usually selected have lady should

but
a

groomsmen. bridesmaids
no

of in

very her own her

young age,

bride choose look

who

is

longer
who

girlhood
not

should her

bridesmaids
and

will

make

old may in

bridesmaids be
dressed When
to

The ugly by comparison. should wear veils, and always trimmed six color
or

white,
there in
one are

with

delicate
it is usual other half should

colors. for half

eight
the the

dress The

and

in
be

another.

bouquet
"

of

bride

entirely

of white

camellias,

orange

flowers,

134

GOOD

MANNERS.

"c.

those

of

the

bridesmaids

of

mixed

colors.

usually present the bouquet to the wait bridesmaid to they are Except at upon. breakfasts, it is customary large wedding very and intimate to invite friends only relatives very
Groomsmen
to
on

the

dejeuner.
cards

In
are

the

former
sent out

case,

invitations
the bride's

printed
or

by
is
much and

parents
The and be

guardians.
bridal
than the
costume

French

simpler
we

prettier glad to see

white tulle tulle

English,

should
a

it imitated.
over

It consists

of

dress of of

of

white
to

white

reaching
roses

the

silk, a long veil feet, and a wreath

maiden-blush
blossoms. white In
or

satin

interspersed with orange rich is worn lace England over the veil is generally of silk, and
ladies of middle
age
wears a are

costliest
Widows in

lace. and married

bonnets.

The dark

bridegroom
trousers,
to

evening
and The The the last mother her father her
to
a

dress,
order

black

elegant dress-coat,
follows
members bride
or
:

white

neck-tie. of

going
set

church

is
and

as

"

"

bridesmaids,
bride's
with

groomsmen
off and the he first

of
goes her represent The leads

family
her and if

the

father

mother,
who
or

with
is to

alone,
father the

relative be dead her

absent.
arm

of
the

bride

gives
f,o the

his

and

altar.

The

bride

stands

left of the

bridegroom,

136

GOOD

MANNERS.

Where
very
to

the

circle
it

of has
to

friends
of
such

on

both

sides

is

extensive,
send invitations

late
as

become
not

customary
called
to
at

are

the

wedding
This this the

feast,
stands

to

attend

the

ceremony

church.
When

in

place
it

of
is

issuing
usual,
in

cards.

rule

is

observed,
in the

fying notiadd

marriage
"

newspapers,

to

the

words
When
a

No

cards."

gentleman
it

attends is
to

wedding
he

or

bridal

reception,

the the but

bridegroom
bride
not

is

to

congratulate,
her If and he

offering happiness,
are

his

wishes

for

future
you
not

congratulation.
the
to

acquainted
the

with

bridegroom,
him but the

with

bride,
you
must to

speak
his

first,
in

and

will

introduce
case,
to

bride
first
to

any

other
then

you

speak
then

to

bride,

the have then

bridegroom,
any
to

the

bridesmaids,
with

if
them

you
;

previous
the and
;

acquaintance
and

parents
after this

family
you
are

of
at

the

bride
to

and seek

groom your

liberty

friends.

CHAPTER

XIII.

Visiting

at

Country

House.

T7ISITORS

are

bound
to

by

the in In

laws all

of

social
to

V
the

intercourse

conform

respects
to

habits

of

the

house. should

order

do

this those ing waitmuch

effectually,
habits
;
are.

they
To

inquire
friend's
;
to

what dinner

keep
other

your invitations

to

accept
on

impose
;
or

trouble
the

your up of
a

friend's till
want

servants

to
are

keep
alike

family

unwonted

hours,

evidences

of

good

feeling

and

good

breeding.
At

breakfast,

dinner,
to

and

tea,

absolute

tuality punc-

ought
No breakfast
as

be

expected.
is Persons and

order
or

of

precedence

observed
take

at

either
seats

luncheon.

their

they

come

in,

"having begin
If
or

exchanged waiting
are

their

morning
the
to rest

salutations,
of
at

without letters

for

the

party.

delivered
may

you

breakfast

luncheon,
from

you

read host
or

them

by

asking

permission

your

hostess.

Always
in
whose

hold house

yourself
you
are

at

the

disposal
If

of

those pro-

staying.

they

138

GOOD

MANNERS.

pose the

to

ride, drive, walk,

you may made take with

or

otherwise

occupy
that these

day, plans are

it for reference

granted
to

You

should

therefore

receive them

your them

ment. enjoywith

cheerfulness, and enter best to seem doing your are by the efforts which
Children
and old horses

into

with and be

pleased,
made
to

alacrity, pleased,
be you. taken

entertain
never

should
or

except

to

friends,
a

when

the visit

invitation should bo very and each

especially includes prolonged beyond

intimate
friends

them.

No
unless

week,
to

amongst
Both host
to

and

relations.
be
as

guest
other
other's A much

should
as

study possible, and

should

agreeable
too

not

exact

much

of each

company.
endeavor and
not

guest
as

to

amuse

himself

as

possible,
on

be

continually

pendent deHe

his

host

for

entertainment.

he may welcome that, however the wanted. is not always During be, he neither hours a gentleman visitor who morning does anything letters, nor shoots, reads, writes

should

remember

but

idle

about
an

the

house

and

chat

with

the than

ladies, is
become billiard-room
or

intolerable

nuisance. had better

Sooner
retire
to

the

latter, he
and the

the

walk The

about

practise cannons neighborhood.

should,
like
of
course,
as

by himself,
amuse

lady
taste
:

visitor
in

and
her
as

occupy
own

herself

manner, that remembering

best

suits

her

hostess,

VISITING

AT

COUNTRY

HOUSE.

139

mistress and

of

the

house,
for the
"

must

have

many

duties

occupations
Those who

receive

morning. staying visitors/1

that the the

as

they
pitality hosat

are

called, should
is that and for

remember which

truest

places
him

visitor

most

his

ease,

affords

the

greatest
should have

enjoyment.
different

They
persons

opportunity also member re-

that ideas
surest
on

different

out

that As

subject of enjoyment, and that the of making a guest happy is to find way what to impose gives him pleasure ; not him which is pleasure to themselves. upon dependen be quite inand rule, host a guest should
the of each host other will
amusements

till have

breakfast,

after

which

time
and
care

the out-door that and

most

planned
for
shall best. his

drives, visitors,
the
A

walks, taking
host

each

guest
he

enjoy

recreation is the

the

society
of
to

likes

model

unselfish

person
in

quishing possible, relinfavor of those the

the he whole has

best

everything
his house.
men

invited

At

dinner

party

reassembles,
let
us

refreshed,

hope,
A

tall}7and by exercise
is bound

ically physand
to to

genial spend
behave that

companionship. his evening in

in all

guest

the
as

drawing-room,
if he
as were
a

and

respects
5
to

visitor

for
and he

evening only exerting himself

about The
to

dressing
be
as

for

party,
as

agreeable
at

if

were

take
lor

his

leave

eleven
rest

o'clock. is

signal

retiring

to

generally

140

GOOD

MANNERS.

given by the appearance tray containing fruit, wine,

These and the
are

of

servant

with

water,
of
to

and the

biscuits.

the visitor

last will and

refreshments do well

evening,

watch

to

rise been

wish

good-night
round. be used

opportunity shortly after

his

they
to

have

handed
must
on manner

Great
avoid

discretion
all criticism his If should

among

guests

their of

his

household,
him.

concerns

anything
seem

host, his friends, living, and all that during goes wrong
to
see

the

visit,

one

not

it. appear

If

the patient. im-

dinner

is late, it If any

is very

impolite

to

comments

and

no

of
must

plan falls to the ground, no be indulged in, or disapproval must If the children disappointment betrayed. house the are fractious, or noisy, a visitor
never same

find

fault

with
must

their be

behavior. exercised in the

The
treatment

caution

of
as

your
do
must

friend's
not
care

friends.
to

They
or

be

such but

you
you

become dislike

may intimate

with,

not
must

evince

special

have recourse always than rather to a negative duct. a positive line of conof tact A can always keep people person without at a distance hurting their feelings. friend's Your "c., horses, carriages, books, if they than be even should more carefully used will host light deA good-natured own. were your his visitors in seeing enjoy all the good disposal, but they places at their things he

avoidance,

and

VISITING

AT

COUNTRY

HOUSE.

141

should
horse

never

abuse far
or

his
too

indulgence.
to

To
or

ride
blot his

too to

fast,
flowers under-bred be

dog's-ear
without and

books,
are

gather
of
we
an

his

permission,
selfish
in
our

all

signs
all,
of

nature.

Above

should
servants

thoughtful
never

ment treat-

his

putting
on

them

to

undue

trouble,

nor

commenting

their

comings. short-

The
we

religious
receive
or

opinions
must at.

of

those
on no

from
account

whom be go without
to

hospitality
scoffed should
to

shocked

If with

our

friends
; or,
we

church,

we

go the
are

them

remark,
If
to

repair
prayers

place
read,

of
we

worship
should

prefer.
endeavor

family
be

present.

If
we

the should

Sunday
refrain
could

is

observed

with any
be suits purmade. course interacts

great

rigidity,
to

from

which
we

objection
must

possibly
that

In

short,
is

remember up

social

made

of

innumerable

little

of

kindness,

self-denial,
;

charity,
only
measure,
those

chivalry,
who

and

good

fellowship
will receive

and
"

that full

give

largely

brimming

over."

CHAPTER

XIV.

Hints

on

Carving.

A
-1JL

I/THOUGH,

in

these
seldom

days
that
to
carve

ot

dinners ladies

la
or

Russe,
are

it

is called

either
in*

gentlemen
certain
to

upon
in the

society,

proficiency
sexes

art

is

indispensable
of
is

both In
the taken

in

the

daily

routine this

home
not

life.
ally unusu-

middle

classes
the wife

duty
man

by

of his is

whom
;

business
and
a

may and

often

detain

from
carver

home bad
man.

skilful for
a

economical

no

helpmate

hard-working
Men

professional
to

ought
set

know

how
or,

to

carve

any

joint

or

dish

before
in the
;
art

them, world,
and,
of

however

high
awkward
men

their

standing
and clownish

they

appear
all

therefore,

should

practise
The the would tools. made

the first

carving

in

their
for

youth. carving
of had
are

necessary

provisions
the
his
most

proper
be The

utensils;
defeated
in

skilful
if and he

artists
not

aim

his
now

carving-knives
for
be the the various

forks dishes.

are

specially
should

The

slices fishin in-

of

silver of the

or

silver
may

metal,
not

order

that

flavoi

fish

be

(142)

144

GOOD

MANNERS.

tr6es,
must

or use

sweet
a

dishes.
whenever you

As

spoon

it

rule, indeed, you is possible.

a

In each In
carver

helping
person.

soup,

give

half

ladleful

to

helping
should

to

choice

dishes, stuffing,"c.,
calculate the the number

the

always
and

of
creetly. dis-

the

company
The fairest fat the

proportion
of
lean of the

delicacies

mode and

cut

both
in

cutting evenly,
thickest
slices.
cut
never

ham,

so

as

to
a

is to

begin

at

hole from Be

centre

part, and
to. the

cut

it in

thin

circular
to
"/

careful

alwavs you
to

straight
O

bone,
but and

by
are

which

method enabled What

spoil

the

joint, and
with
well

yet

help

many

little meat. is

remains

persons also looks

good to eat. A leg of mutton

not
to

should

be

sliced and the

as

meat.

Cut
cut to

the out pieces press first in the middle as the

lightly, so serve dry most juicy

Currant
mutton.

part,

bone,
be
roast

and

thin

slices. with

jelly
In

should

always
a

served
sirloin The

carving
at

of

beef, you
should

begin
sliced

either
to

side. the

outside the

may be
derloin ten-

down

bone,
be soft
rat

while sliced

inside

or

part
and
a

should
the

thin, lengthwise,
with
or

little of may
or

given

each

You
rare

ask

whether is inside

the

outside
;

piece. inside, the

a

well-done,
of the

preferred
should

otherwise served with

small

piece

be

HINTS

ON

CARVING.

145

plate, as this choicest portion.

each
A
even

is

generally regarded
be
cut

as

the

round slices.

of

beef

should

in

thin, large,
in

A way slice

filled
as some
a

of
round

veal of the

should and and

be

cut

the
with of the
are

same

of

beef, stuffing
cuts,

served
a

each

little outside

fat.

Frequently
to

the

brown

parts
and

or

the

inner

the

inquiry

ferred preshould

be

made. When

lamb, separate from the the shoulder breast and ribs, by passing knife and the under through it; then separate the gristly part from the ribs, and help from be chosen. that, or the ribs, as may is the of mutton A haunch leg and apart of the fat of the lean the of the loin, and leg. Cut each through in slices,about part directly down
a

carving

forequarter

of

quarter
A saddle from

of

an

inch
mutton to

thick. should be
cut

of tail
;

in
to

thin
the

slices

end,

beginning

close

back-bone
A
sent

the ribs. from

fat from, the sides. help some in two be cut it is before rcast pig should table. to the Begin to carve by separating shoulders from divide the one side, then The be divided, or pieces cut joints may them. The
some
a

ribs

are

considered the
cut

the end. the

finest

part, though
When the

prefer
goose, under the

neck off

carving part directly

neck,

and

apron, outside

or

of

146

GOOD

MANNERS.

the

you,

merryand

thought.
cut

Then in

turn

the

neck

tc wards

the

breast

slices.

Take

off

the

end of the leg by putting the fork into the small time bone, pressing it to the body, at the same the into and through passing the knife joint. Take off the wing by putting the fork into the of the end small pinion, and pressing it close the is dividing the joint. knife to the body while The and also the back and side-bones, wing

lower best

side-bones,

should
breast

then and

be

cut

off.

The

thighs. and Chickens taching carved, by first deturkeys are the the off Next, take legs from body. the wings, by dividing the joint with the knife then lift up the pinion with fork, and draw your the the the muscles will leg, and wing towards
are

pieces

the

separate
the

in

better thin

form

than

if cut Then

Now
remove

cut

breast

into

slices.
the the then
on

the
divide

merry-thought
the first breast-bone
on

from from
and

neck-bones,
carcase

and

one

side

the

by laying it other, each time

Then

cutting through the tender back upwards, and cut it across

the neck and

ribs.

lay
between the the the

the

half-way
insert
and

of the
bone the

knife and
cut

rump. between the them

or

the

Then back-bone The

point
side-

off. the

breast,
are

wings,
the his

side-hones,
parts.
the whole in

thighs
carver

considered will insert

remove

choicest

skilful

fork

breast-bone bird

of
is

it till the

poultry and not nearly dissected.

HINTS

ON

CARVING.

147

Larks,
birds
from

all small quails, plovers, and the should be through always cut

game breast in
two

the

back

to

the

tail, and

served

helpings.
The the In
some

shoulder
are

of

rabbit

is

very

delicate,
chicken,

and

brains

considered
roast
cresses

choice.
or

helping
of the pour retain pour
one

pheasant
with
over

add

which white

it is

garnished.
as

Never
should Do
a

gravy their
sauce

meats,

these

color.
over

not
on

meat

or

vegetables,
pour of
over

but

little Before

side. up
sauce,
a

few
or or

cutting spoonfuls of
lemon with
most

wild-duck, compound

port

wine

claret,

juice, salt, and

cayenne

pepper, head
and

help
The

currant

jelly.
parts
ears,

delicate the cheek.

of

calf's eyes,

are

the side

bits
next

under the upper be best

carved

neck,
roast

and

the

The

part

of

sirloin
and
never

of

beef

should
The

lengthwise,
in
a

across.

helping
the middle. is carved the
iiiOst

large
chicken,

salmon

is

thick

piece

from

Grouse considered

like

but

the

back

is

delicate. be
cut

Partridges

may be like

up

like but

chickens,
otherwise

if the
are

supply
better Of

of

game

limited;
small
the

divided,
roasted

birdvS. breast i,s the best

chicken,

H8

GOOD

MANNERS.

part
choice. A

of
;

boiled

chicken,

the

leg

is

considered

good
are

carver

will

remember

that

the

follow

ing
The
The The

esteemed sounds

delicacies
:
"

of
of

cod-fish.

fat fat

salmon. venison. lamb

and of

of of

Kidneys
The man's The

and
the haunch in

veal. from
gravy

long
walls"

cuts

the

Balder-

of

venison.
mutton.

pope's
oyster
ribs and and and

eye
cut

leg

of

The

of
neck

shoulder of

of

mutton.

The Breast

pig.

thighs
goose.

(without

drumstick)

of

turkey
The The

legs

and

breast

of
and

duck. back of

wings,

breast,

game.

CHAPTER

XV.

Travelling.
courtesies when
and

are

many
to
a

little

gentleman
even

may if
she is
an

offer

lady

travelling,
by
her
an

entire

stranger,
he may

air

of

respectful
at
ease.

deference,

place

entirely

If

lady

is

placed
she will old her

under

gentleman's
meet

care

for

journey,
5 to

probably

him

at

the

depot
offer

but call

if

an

acquaintance,
at

you

should
Take
a

for

her

residence.
time A from and

hack,
her

and last
escort

call, leaving
words
a
sum

ample

for

her

to

say

of

farewell. of money

lady
which
the

should
to

offer

her her
should this she when

defray

expenses,

at

starting,
the for the for him his

gentleman
hesitation
;

accept
mode
can

it without

slightest
several

is

preferable
hand

reasons.

Or
her

always
he is

gentleman
own

fare
haps per-

paying
let

or

what

is

better,
the
at

keep
expenses,

an

account

of
settle

the

day's
each

or

journey's
the your
to

and

with

other

end.

Select Beat,
then

for

companion
the

the

pleasantest
and have

attend

baggage

it

(149)

150

GOOD

MANNERS.

properly
shawls,
the that times When she windows

checked.

Before
in shades convenient
to

starting,
reach,
her fixed

place
and
'

her

bag,
starts

"c.,
or

arrange
see

liking,
C*

comfortably
on

and

be

at

all

ready to wait at arriving

and When leave the
escort

her.

the

hotel,
there is thither what

escort

her you
to

to

the

parlor,
rooms.

her

while

engage
show her her
at

waiter her

ready
and hour

to

her

room

leave she
meet

her take the the If

door. the

Ask
next at

her

at

wishes her her

to

meal,
that

and

promptly
and

in
to

parlor
table.

time,
in the

accompany

you

remain you

city
call is

where

her her
at

journey
the

terminates,
after
whether whether When who is her

should
It

upon
then
to

day
and

arrival.
she she is
cares

her
or

option
not,

"at
to

home" continue any is little

you the

acquaintance.
to
a

travelling, unattended,
with
so

attention

lady
vided proare

always
to

allowable,
and
you

it is done
not too

great
as

courtesy,
become

attentive
in

officious.
endeavor go, the and
to
custom ac-

If

travelling
the

foreign
the

country,
you of

acquire
and

languages
to

before
customs

yourself
as

natives,
of

far

as

you them.

can,

without

violation

ciple, prin-

follow

152

GOOD

MANNERS.

If
monuments

you

visit
and when

church
not

to

see

the

pictures
choose

or

for is

worship,
service
and

the read.

hours

there walk the

no

being
an

Speak
respect

low,
in

slowly,
edifice.

keep

air

of

quiet

Hanging
the

around

church-doors

and is

staring
ill-bred.

at

ladies,
are

making waiting
until
to

remarks,

If
trusive unob-

very

you

join
make

any

one.

remain

they

their

appearance,

and

then

quietly

join

them.

CHAPTER

XVII.

Places

of

Amusement.

JF
day
If
take

gentleman
to
a

invites

lady
or

to

accompany

him

theatre,
he and
must

opera,
send it the in

public

place

of
the

amusement,

the
the

invitation
third person. he

previous,
the
care

write

lady
to
a

accepts
secure

invitation,
seats,
to
see

should
it and

good compliment

otherwise
invite
nor

would

be
her

poor

her hear

place

where when

she

can

neither
a

well.
act

Although,
a

alone,
in

gentleman
his
a

will
a

courteous

part
is should
a

giving
in
so,

seat

to

strange
concertas

lady,
room, escort

who he

standing,
not

crowded

do

when up

acting
your
next

the
side be-

of

lady.
may
an

By place

giving
a

place
her,
and the
one

her,
she
are

you find

lady

whom you
versation con-

will

unpleasant
from
acts
an

companion,
her,
makes when

yourself

separated
between the of

of
in

the this her

greatest
way. In his

pleasures
case

evening
too, her
he

spent

of

accident,
and alone. all others.

deprives
appearance

of
of that

protection,
come

gives
Your

the first

having
ladv

duty

is

to

before

(153)

154

GOOD

MANNERS.

When you rise may but

seat.
to

you

are

with
not

lady
If

at

place
seat

of

ment, amuse-

must

leave

your
at

until opera, the

you you

escort

her her
to

home.

the

invite
if

she

promenade declines, do you

airs
to
or

between
too

acts,
your

remain

in

Any
may
taste

lover-like
the

have

If

right in public. the evening

one,
a

attitudes, although in assume them, are

have call
this

you bad

you

appointed
your the

be

stormy
with
way make intimate

you

must

for is
the

of it

carriage, taking her absolutely

friends

and
even

companion more elegant

does
not

if

weather

necessary.
the

Though
cars

amongst
are

passenger

quite
or

allowable.
When

you
a

are

entering
walk you

concert-room,
your the
seats

the

box
up

of
the

theatre,
then in

before
reach your

companion
you
to

aisle, until
turn,
the in
two

have
and

secured,

offer

hand

her,
is

place
one narrow

her

inner

seat,

taking
if you reach
arm.

the

outside
too

yourself;
to

going
until
and offer

out,

the

aisle

walk

abreast,
you
your

again
the

your
where Let
not

companion
you all
turn

precede lobby,
tone,
mis

your

conversation

be

in

low

timed
taste

whispered: noisy or
;

loud

talking, laughter, or in all applause, are very

do
not

bad
atten-

for

if

you

wish

to

pay

strict

PLACES

OF

AMUSEMENT.

155

tion

to

the do.

performance,

those

around

you

bably pro-

Secure

your

programme,
your

libretto,
seat,
as

or

concert

bill,
on

before
your be it.

taking
return

you

may whom
to

find

it it

occupied
or

by

another

would from In
of

difficult

unpleasant

dislodge

crowd,
but

do

not

push
your

forward

regardless
and take

others,
turn.

protect

companion

your
If your

your

seats
so

are

secured,
as

call
some

in

time minutes

for

companion,
the
are

to

be
commences

seated

before
seats

performance
not

5
to

but

if

your

secured,
of

it

is fine

best

go you

early.
may
verse con-

At

an

exhibition
a

arts,
do
not

in

low
a

tone,

but

gesticulate
manner.

or

criticise remain of others

in
too

loudr
in

authoritative
one

Nor exclusion

long
who may

position
to
see

to

the

want

that

particular

piece.
Be

careful,

unless
to

particularly
any other

urged,
party

how you

you

attach
meet at

yourself
such

may

places.

CHAPTER

XVIII.

The

Arrangement

of

Lady's

House,

and

the

Management

of

Servants.

THE
is

first

point

necessary and

to

consider of
a

in

the

arrangement
that

orderiir should
to

lady's
on
a

hold, housescale

everything
refinement of

be

exactly Elegance
to

proportionate
and

her
are

husband's

income.

great
taste ;

accessories
is but
a

the

enjoyment
we

life

good

luxury nothing
and

which will
one

can

hardly
a

overestimate for
the

prove vexations

recompense
and

hundred

anxieties

induced

by

habits

of

thoughtless
We have

extravagance.

called
like
at
a

good
many

taste

luxury,

and it may

so

it
be

is

though,

other

luxuries,
expense. No

obtained how
modest her

moderate scale of

matter

the

lady's

manage,

how her self herThe

simple
toilettes,
as

hospitalities,
real in
a

how

inexpensive proclaims

the

gentlewoman
cottage
as

readily

in in

palace.
and
manner

first

essential total
true

of

refinement

life

is

absence

of

pretension.
or

gentleman
kind of

lady

is

necessarily
Of the

free

from

every

pretence.

untruth-

1156)

ARRANGEMENT

OP

LADY'S

HOUSE.

157

fulness

of

pretence,
in all said

of
his that in

the

vulgarity
"

of Book
in

Thackeray,
Snobs,"
has He reproval. subject, that touch upon
or manners

immortal
can

pretence, of bitter
the
to

be
so now

said

has,
none

fact,
may
to

exhausted

who

attempt
than book

it

need him.

hope

do
a

more

phrase paraupon
to

quote
and

And it would

finer be

morals

difficult

cover. dis-

larger a family connexion, is lavish income, a more expenditure, than in any be to sense really ours teel "shabby-gen; in one's means 5" to live beyond ; to run debt shabby prices for shabby luxuries ; to pay in is to lose alike and in self-respect, in peace,
To affect
a

better

"

the

estimation

of

others. life

Let

all

young

keepers, house-

then, begin
of shams. also other
we

by

resolute

tion abnegaso

As be

wealth increased. do know

increases,
is the

may of

expenditure
To snobs. do
as

people
not

ambition

Do

all

sacrifice their peace ?

"

themselves,
mind
to

bitually hawho persons their dignity, and

one

of

this

futile

deavor en-

Veracity
"

first of and

all

and

for
will

ever,"
be

as

son EmerBuild

says your

all the upon

rest
a

easy."

plan
and

of

life

superstructure
mind does
to

of

cerity, sinand

then As

give

refinement.

your wealth
so

not
means

elegance always
need

suppose prenot

good

taste,

moderate

158

GOOD

MANNERS.

presuppose

vulgarity.
but
to

It is

pleasant
for

jewelsr
us

let
wear

no

admiration

possess diamonds duce intherefore

and

to

paste.
less
about

lady
the the

will size

concern

herself of
her

dor splenof
its The

colors, and
rooms

house, the good

be

than
taste

harmony

of with

its decoration.

perfect adaptation careful avoidance of glaring to comfort, with a undue colors, without ments,, profusion of ornaany and without ostentation of stery. upholany If works there other are pictures and No be good. of artr they must house, however like should without be a something modestr without is a house house books library. A
without
at
a a

will

furnished

soul.

Flowers

and the and

never

ferns

may

be

had
ments, orna-

are triflingcost,, and especially in cities should Reception rooms

loveliest
towns.

of

be covered

overcrowded
with and little little and in
a

with

furniture. in
in

Suite

tables

shepherdesses
chalets
snare.

Dresden

china,
are
a

carved
All

wood,

delusion be

bric-a-brac

should

kept
should

binets ca-

with
numerous,

glass
and

doors. the best

Mirrors

be

and quality ; frames of studied cornices simplicity of design. The papering of the walls is a painting and carried be should most important subject, and and the colors with in strict out harmony It furniture. of character the is, perhaps, superfluous to say that geometrical patterns are,

of

160

GOOD

MANNERS.

the of
to

effect inferior
be

of

sympathy
to
our

in
own.

dealing
It
one's A and
own

with
not

clas%

rank and be

is

enough
one

just
also in

liberal

to

servants;
little

should
interest

sympathetic.
circumstances
to

their

kindly general wellreward.

is sure being well, also, to

bring supply our

and
at

its

It

is

servants to

occasionally
to

with

good
their

books,

spend
when

holidays
amusement.

them encourage places of wholesome A

taste

and

instructive
it

for
a sure

reading
dote anti-

is well

directed

will

prove

against bickering and gossip in the kitchen. the comfort of to Punctuality is as necessary is the to house, as a punctuation necessary If it is allowable to lucidity of a sentence. be only the have meals, it must unpunctual any afternoon such least as important ones, tea, "c. should the Breakfast to always be in readiness
moment;
the
and the
on

dinner-bell

be

as

certain

as

The health of the Sunday. the whole on family depends as much regularity the meals. Bad food, illquality of the as cooked food, monotonous food, insufficient food, the No ruin injure the physique, and temper. the turn to more tempting occupalady should tions till has of the she amusements or day the detail into of sariat, family commisevery gone it is as and that herself assured good as church-bell

her

purse,

her

cook,

and

the

season

can

make

it.

ARRANGEMENT

OF

LADY'S

HOUSE.

161

This clear The

duty

done,

she

dismiss
may

the

matter

with

conscience.

question
of
ladies
accounts.

of

housekeeping

involves

the

question
Most

hold is

accounts

in

abhorrence
;

but habit of

account-keeping keeping
one's is and It is

easy

enough
and be

if

the

daily
household

entries,

weekly
adhered

casting
to.
to

up It

bills,
accounts

strictly
are

only

when

suffered become

run

on

accumulate the first

that

they
knot

difficult. very

neglected
of the

that

occasions

the

hopeless

tangle

skein.

CHAPTER

XIX.

Wine

at

Table.

LMOST table considered

to

every whenever
an

gentleman
he has

has

wine

at

his
as

I\.
it is

invited

guests,
of
a

indispensable
gentlemen
have
are a

part
been total

good

dinner,
invited.
man, to
no

which
Even

formally
abstinence his

if

you

real

gentleman
their
a

would

compel

guests

be If

so

against
is be
a

wish.
at

there
to

gentleman
total abstinence
and he and
not

the
man,

table
you him
to

who

is

known

should
drink.
tention at-

respect
If he

his is
to
a

scruples,
gentleman,
it

urge avoid his

will suffer

calling glass
and with
to

himself,
passage
bow

be

filled

at

the

first will and

of
his

the

wine,

raising
the his
rest

it to of
to

his

lips,
guests,

respects
will
it

the

after

that If

allow
a

glass
party

remain he
have is

untouched.
intimate with filled

is

small may

and
to

his
at

host,

he

decline any im

his

glass

all, without

propriety.
It the is
not to
now

the

custom

to

ask

lady
is

across

table every

take

wine will be

with

you.

It

expected
to

that

lady

properly

helped (162)

wine

WINE

AT

TABLE.

163

by the
who
to
or

gentleman
to

who
her.
see

takes Do she
not

her

to

the
to

table,
a

or

sits next wine fish. until

offer

help
her

lady
soup

you

has

finished

It is considered
as

that

selected But

polite to take by the person

allowable
same

the with take

same

wine
you which

whom that the

drink. you

it is
at

to

prefer,
to

the

time

asking
take

sion permiswith you I have

do

so. a

In
at

inviting pleasure
then
or

gentleman
a

to

wine
u

table, you

should of

the will

politely say, with glass of wine

him the

Shall

you?"
you and

You
have

either send
own

hand
it

bottle

selected

fill your and wine

On

to silently bow to your lips. taking the first glass of for a gentleman bow to

wards afterby the waiter, will politely glass, when you each raise the other, as you

wine
to

it is
the

tomary cus-

lady
or

of

the It drink At

house. is
not
at

customary
a

to

propose

toasts

to

deep
dinner
C

gentleman's
which
C

family
are
' "

table.
to
one

parties
purpose much
more

given
TJ

gentlemay

men,

tor

the

or

conviviality,
as

indulge
carry,

in

as

wine than

he

can

properly
limits
and of songs

but

not

inside

the

propriety.
are

Where of the

the

order

drinking, feast, as
is

toasts,
at
a

public dinner,
than
on more

far

greater
or

latitude select

allowed
It

private

occasions.

is, 1

owever,

the

164

GOOD

MANNERS.

first

care

of

well-bred
at

man

never

to

drink
the

yond befort com-

his of the

self-control whole

table,
is
so

where

party

much

dependent
But,
to

the upon whenever

one propriety of every present. has the misfortune a gentleman forget himself, every other gentleman will

do

all

in

his

power
not

to

make

the

best for you

of

the

accident.

Do those
or a

who

praise bad are judges

At the

wine,
that
same

it will
are
an

persuade

flatterer. it is

ignoramus time, avoid noticing

calls

that

bad,
is

unless

the

host

attention

to

it himself. As wine
at
a

very
be the in
use.

common

subject
necessary
to
converse

of
that

disc-isevery under-

sion

table, it is
should

quite
able

gentlemen standingly
various
to

upon

character It
an

and

wines

is very

quality of the embarrassing

and
to not

be
to

called

upon
one

for
;

opinion
worse

be

able
one's

give

and

it is still

betray

the subject of conversation. ignorance on the of history and quality Besides, ignorance idea the of wines impress gentlemen with may much in good company. that have been not you different hints the few We some on append wines. THE

AGE

OF

WINES.

It is

an

error

that age

tensively ex-

necessary

of

the

prevails, to suppose to the goodness of to vintage has more

the

that wine.

great
The the

ia

quality
lence excelit

do

with

of

wine

than

the

number

of

years

WINE

AT

TABLE.

1G5

has is

been
best

kept.
when and
not

Port
more

wine,

of

good vintage,
years old. till five
not

than will

ten

Hocks old.

clarets, indeed,
is that best the charm
GOOD

keep
to

Champagne

at

from "old

three

old. So years such wonderful no How

out
TO KNOW

phrase
for
WINE.

wine,"
wines

has

the

well All

informed.
made

juice of the grape a peculiar possess is quite unmisbouquet, or powerful odor, which takeable This to an experienced wine-drinker. characteristic the bouquet depends upon sence preof cenanthic is produced ether, which by the fermentation of the juice of the grape, and is relied of the therefore as one general upon is made of proofs that the wine By grapes. the comparing bouquet of a bottle of real grape made of cider, gooseberries, or wine, with one other educate juice, you will soon nose any your
of
to

the

be

tolerable red in

detector wines

of
are

bad

wine.

Immature and

remarkably
of
the presence
are

bright
of subdued age. In

red,
the

phosphoric
when

consequence other and has

acids, which
a

wine

obtained

proper

this intense perfectly ripe wines brightness is changed into a mellow, rich, and tawny hue, that is considered in all red a sign of maturity wines. these But
art

has

learned
taste

to

counterfeit
surest

all

things,
WINE of

therefore
is

is the
"

guide.
the
most

Poii'i

healthy

all

one undoubtedly vinous liquors: it

of

strengthens

166

GOOD

MANNERS.

the powers,
the But

muscular

system,
the

assists

the

digestive
energies."
found without
in
an

accelerates

circulation, exhilarates
the mental is
ever

spirits,and sharpens it is rarely that pure

country.
of
such It

port
not

this

would

keep
of
the

admixture sold
as

brandy.
is either
a

Most

cheap French of drugs and When color. poisonous compound real its stringency, and acquires port loses and slightly acid taste, it is unwholesome,
unfit for
use.

port wine wine, or

is

CHAMPAGNE.

The

Faculty
to ;

of
be

Paris
the

in

1778
and

pronounced
healthiest
weak

champagne
of all wines
if

finest in the
cases

and,

except
one

of

digestion, is,
that
can

pure,
in this

of

safest

wines
at

be

drank.

It is the

king
"

of wines
so

the

convivial
when
a

board
u

country
wine is

much

so, that

bottle" be

of

proposed,
unless
some

it

is

understood is

to

champagne,
'"

other

Its intoxicating expressly mentioned. effects are rapid, but exceedingly transient, and the is carbonic acid, which depend partly upon the from evolved alcohol, it, and partly upon in this is suspended which being rapidly gas, of the and extensively applied to a large surface that The idea stomach/' produces champagne it is to avoided be though gout is erroneous, disease that where already exists. be idea that champagne must It is a mistaken swallowed as possible after it is unsoon as

168

GOOD

MANNERS.

The

delicately flavored
with
the
are

Moselles

are

the

ite favorand

wines

Germans. called
*'

Grunhauser the
Nectar

Scharrberger
Moselle."

of

the

good condition, ia fine, perfect, and a wine-, free from of acid, and excess possessing a dry, aromatic and nary flavor fragrance ; but, as produced in ordimarket, anomalous it is of fluctuating and and of all aroma, ing tastquality, often destitute
SHERRY,
age and wholesome of
The little best made else

of

due

in

than
are

alcohol the

and

water.

sherries of is
the

pale

and
;

light golden
the

wines,
hue
a

Xeres

grape
imitated finest The

delicate

of

which inferior
a

frequently
article. of

by
is the
seldom

art, in
tillado, Amonseen

much

pure

article

which

is

in

country. of MADEIRA,
but
a

this

the

South is

Side," is
rare

delightful
country,

wine,
but
to

pure

article
been

in

this

little

having

made

of late attacked

the

disease

which

has

owing years, the vines on

the

island.
AMERICAN

gradually achieving a in Europe quite high reputation, even ; they are equal to the best imported wines, and are generally author A much recent English cheaper. " those of with these wines In comparing says mind that in bear must they are Europe, we
WINES
are

distinct their

in

flavor

from
that
no

any

or

all of them.

It is
can

peculiarity

spurious compound

WINE

AT

TABLE.

169

be

made

to

imitate
is
no

them,
known
has

.and wine the

in
to

delicacy
Our of alcohol

there

purity and equal them/'

percentage
The has 9.8b has
most

still Catawba

lowest world.

of
wine

any in

wine

in

the

expensive
cent,

Europe,
our

Tokay,
Catawba

per

of

spirit,

while

only

9.50. .1 Unite made in the champagne It is Werke's States sparkling Isabella, unless of Missouri. is equalled by the sparkling wine in delicate Werke's not so sparkling Catawba, of flavor his Isabella, is prefered by lovers as El Paso The of Longworth. to that champagne The best

Mustang the Mustang distinguishable

How
TO

and

wines grape

of

Texas
a

are

yielding
the best The
to

very wine

tine

hardly
a

from
WINE.

port.
Romans
out

USE

had the
at

of
their

eating cheese wine, a custom

with wines
us.

bring

practice of Havor
the sent pre-

which

prevails
the
seasons

time

Wine-drinkers suit

vary
;

their

choice
such

of

to

for light wines Rhinish, Burgundy,

winter those

summer,

and

of

more

body
use

selecting Claret, as Hock, for and Hermitage ", and strength, as Port,
others white brown carry with wine
meats

Sherry, and still further,

white

Madeira. and and

While

it

only
wine

meats,
wines with

red

with

light
wines

with
more

light

dishes,

and
Red the

stronger
wines

substantial

food. which

usually

open

the

repast, after

exhila

170

GOOD

MANNERS.

rating
the

champagne
guests,
and it is

keeps
followed
But
to

up

the

good sherry, quiet,

temper
or

of

perhaps
water.

by
for
the and
a

even

brandy
repast
followed of

enjoyable
with with

usual

open

dinner close

claret,
a

by

champagne,

cup

strong
Wine-coolers
the wine

coffee.

are

indispensable
putting
to

in into the fine

hot

weather, glass
with and

as

practice
is
taste
sure

of

ice

the

destroy
the choicest

the

aroma

delicious which
in fire

of
in

wines.

Claret
and the of

is

kept

cellar,

needs

no

cooling;
it
near

winter,
before

wine-drinkers

usually
as a

place

uncorking, improves
the

moderate and

degree
delicious flavor pagne, Cham-

warmth which
is in

soft of

the

chief

merit
needs

this

wine.
to

summer,

cooling,

improve

its

sparkling

flavor.

CHAPTER

XX.

General

Hints

to

both

Sexes.

ALL
family, topic
violator

egotism drawing-room.
his

must

be
The

banished
person
or

froa.
who his
a

the

mjJv^is

his the
a

wealth,

his

affairs,
is
not

hobbc\
bore,
We bat
meet

of

conversation,
of
not

only
taste.

charity
to

and
a

good

in but

society,
to
as can

make
as

display
rational

of

ourselves,
entertainment those of

give
our

and
own

take

much

accomplishments
He who engrosses

and

others

afford.
as

the
as

conversation

is

unpardonably
no

selfish,

he

who

allows

his

neighbor
The

elbow-room. is the
not
a

drawing-room
where

monarchy
of
all be
are

but

republic, Very
If
we

rights
should and

equal.

young wish

people
our sons

never

neglected.
to

daughters
and
we

possess of them take be

an

easy,

polished
and in Neither

manners,

fair

powers
treat to

expressing politely
interest
on. or

themselves,

should them may

our

kindly,
whatever
must
we

and

lead

conversation

going
moods

bring
us

gloomy
we

irritable To

temper
look is

with

when
a

enter
we owe

ciety. so-

pleasant
bound
to

is listen

duty
with

to

others.

One

the

appear-

(171)

172

GOOD

MANNERS.

ance

of
who

interest
fastens tale

to

even

the
us

most

inveterate
to

proser
at
a

upon
;

in

society ;
to
as

smile such

twice-told sacrifices

and,

in

short,

make
manners

minor
and

of

sincerity,
attitude

good
one

good feeling
Awkwardness
as

demand.

of

does of

the

same

ill service

awkwardness

speech.
the take

gesticulating, fidgetting, and air of f/finch trie, and, so to say,

percentage
from
the

Lolling, -like, give an

off
a

certain

lady her sits cross-legged, or who sideways on chair, who has of holding her chin, or twirling habit a sits across his chair, her watch chain who a man his his nails, or bites nurses or leg manifests of good breeding. Both unmistakable want an and should be quiet, easy, riage graceful in their carthe of course, what somebeing allowed man, 5 freedom than the lady. more If an move object is to be indicated, you must the the whole never head, but point hand, or the finger. with Coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, "c., done be if done at all, must quietly. Sniffing, be never snuffling, expectorating, must formed perconsideration. in society under any and should The be kept sweet breath by pure onions or anything of equally refraining from gentleman ought to entei strong flavor ; and no of ladies the presence smelling of tobacco. is indispensable to every Physical education
respect
" "

of

others.

GENERAL

HINTS

TO

BOTH

SEXES.

173

well-bred
not

man

and how and

to

woman.

gentleman
to

should

only
to

know

to to

fence,

box,
and

to
;

ride,
he
to

to

shoot,
also himself. the

swim,
how A

play

at to

billiards

must

know

dance,

walk,

carry

also

by carriage is only attained and boxing must help of a drilling master, The liver to debe scientificallytaught. power good
a

good
of
to
so

scientific certain
no a

blow

may

be

of

ble inestima-

value

under
course

extreme

though
resort

gentleman
measure.

circumstances; would willingly

A
;
a

strong
ruffian

man,
or woman

however,
may
come

may
upon
streets
matter.

be
some

attacked

by
such
a

garotters

insulting
cases
man

in

the the

and
"

in

blow

settles
it has

To
never

knock

down,"

been

said,
way
never or

is a there but good manners, of doing it gracefully." Indignation should in words. Defend be manifested yourself,
"

is

the

person

whose

champion
be

you

are,

without

vituperation.
any upon What

But

able

to

defend

yourself
to
to
a a

occasion.

fencing
and

and

drilling
exercises

are are

man, young

dancing
woman.

calisthenic

Every
she

lady

should
to

know in

how

to

dance,
;

society or not her the better and physical training, the more ery, skating, archSwimming, graceful she will be. riding, and driving, all help to strengthen
whether intends
dance

the

muscles,

and

are

therefore

desirable.

The

174

GOOD

MANNERS.

that subject, indeed, is one insisted by educational upon Decorum is

a

cannot

too

much

reformers.
has almost

word its

that

fallen

into

primitive meaning is one understand. would do well to Decorum," we the French writer, '' is nothing less than a says of others and brought to bear respect of oneself discredit, and
yet
"

of circumstance every upon with relations fellow-men, our

life." whether

In

all

our 01

social

approaching to coarseness, anything undue familiarity, or levity of conduct, is prolific married of evil, especially in the state, where mutual As respect. hinges upon happiness with intrusted the vestal were virgins of Rome
domestic,
the burn
are our care

of

that and

sacred
never

fire

which
allowed

was

never

to
so no

low,
sacred
no

to

be

to

wives

and

mothers

charged
No
no

go with
amount

out,
the

less

worship
amount

of decorum. of
can

of of
spected re-

wealth,

generosity,
make is
a

amount

good
of

management,
where the infects the
a

household
The

spirit

wanting.
the

tone

vulgarity
and like
us

alike

kitchen,
with
woman

drawing-room, contagion wherever

so

the nursery, is carried and

we

go.
her

exercises
the

much

influence

in

home,

that
rests

power chiefly with of

daughters
refined and

reprove

every

evil element banishing an the the or wife, the mother, If they are the family. uniformly and in word modest act; if they approach to lightness of conduct of

176

GOOD

MANNERS.

for

the

most

part

barbarous,

cold,

and

lifeless,

life. The our they do not represent let only gift is a portion of thyself. Therefore farmer the the miner, a gem give his corn ; ; shells the and the sailor, coral painter, his ; picture ; and the poet, his poem." how If we beware must rich, we are we give lest we hurt their who to those are pride. poor, If we that must are we give something poor, talents made have affection, or our our time, our precious. Never give a present with any expectation of because
a

return.

Never

allude
Be

to

a even

present
to
seem

which
not

you
to

have nise recogwrite You

given.
If his have any
or no

careful
you
see

it when you her

present
name

again. to a friend, do not a book in it,unless requested.

that it will that be

it

right
more

to presume

rendered
;

the

valuable
to

for

addition that

and

you

ought
be Never

not

conclude

beforehand

your

gift will

accepted.
the

undervalue

gift which
business that

you
to

are

self yourit if

offering ;
is valueless
it
:

have no you neither say that

offer

yourself,
were

or

you
if

should "c.
and

do not want you if it away throw Such

mean

it

not

accepted, "c.,
insults

would false.

be

true,
should

apologies nothing if

Unmarried

ladies

not

accept presents

GENERAL

HINTS

TO

BOTH

SEXES.

177

from

gentlemen
to

who

are

neither
made

related

nor

gaged en-

them.

Presents
can

by

married
in the

lady

to

gentleman
of ladies her may

only

be and

offered
herself.

joint

names

husband

Married from

occasionally
who desire visit
to

accept
their

sents preat

gentlemen
and who

frequently
sense

their of

houses,

show

there. hospitality which they receive is now carried The to presentation of etrennes ludicrous French ruinous and height among a ; it should either be remembered but that, without ostentation or folly, a gift ought to be worth too offering. It is better to give nothing than the little.
not

On

the

other the the

hand,
soul

mere a

costliness

does
on

constitute it has

of

present
and received. under

the

contrary,
effect Never

commercial for value

unflattering
very
ceptional ex-

of

repayment
refuse
a

present

unless However

circumstances.

humble

the

giver, and appreciate

it with
"

however the

poor will and

'k

the and

good

gift, you intention,

Never

should
and
cept ac-

kindness rob

thanks. I
am

say,

fear take

to

you," it," "c., "c.

you
or

or

Such
the it.

really deprecatory
bestower of

ashamed

imply
cannot

that

think afford the

not to to

phrases the gift

without up

spare

Acknowledge do delay, but

return.

receipt quickly
taken afford

of

present
it

follow for

by
that

It

is

le

granted
to

gift is

intended

pleasure

the

reci-

178

GOOD

MANNERS.

pient,
A

not

to
or

be

investment

regarded exchange.
for
are

as

mere

question
faces,
to

of

good memory self-possessed manner,

wish
to create
a

names

and

and

necessary

all who

impression in society. Except in very people, shyness is not young advantage disonly ungraceful, but a positive injury and If we or fidget in blush, stammer, the of strangers, they will assuredly presence form low estimate of our a breeding, and fail to do educa.of mind, our justice to our powers The solid for worth. our tion, and only cure is No is society. chronic habit shyness so the habit of one as likely to grow ness, shyupon and none requires to be more strenuously
favorable
combated.

No face To
to

that bears compliment of it is a compliment at yawn in the

on

insincerity on
all.

the

presence
a

of
to

others,
stand
most

to

lounge,
your

put
to

your
the the

feet

chair,
take
do the

with

back
seat

fire, to
room, to

comfortable

shows anything which vocally indifference, selfishness, or disrespect, is unequivulgar and inadmissible. If of higher rank or a greater age person than to yourself desires step first into a you polite l;o carriage, or through a door, it is more bow and to decline. obey than deference with, and to, the wishes Compliance of others is the finest breeding. in

GENERAL

HINTS

TO

BOTH

SEXES.

179

When advanced

you in for defend

cannot

agree

with

the

propositions
be silent. If

pressed
Never

general conversation, opinion, give it your

your others
own

with
too

modesty.

warmly. When find remain unconvinced, drop you the other subject, or lead to some topic. Never of your boast birth, your money, your If you grand friends, or anything that is yours. have introduce that tion informatravelled, do not into your conversation at every opportunity. travel with and health, one Any can money, leisure the is in coming only real distinction ; home with enlarged views, improved tastes, and mind free from former a prejudices. In exhibition, or public entering a morning where ladies are present, the gentleman room,
should
In lift his

views

hat.
cede pre-

should going upstairs, the gentleman the lady ; in going down, he should ladies
them
to

follow

her. If

jou

accompany

to

theatre the

or

cert-room, con-

precede
secure

clear

way

and

their

seats.

walking with a lady in any crowded are thoroughfare, you obliged to proceed singly, precede her to clear the way. Always give the lady the wall : by doing so her between interpose your own you person and the by, and assign her the cleanest passers
you
are

If, when

part of the

pavement.

180

GOOD

MANNERS.

Do

not

smoke

shortly
your

before

entering
in church

the

sence pre-

of

ladies.
wear

Always
theatre.

gloves
up
meet

or

in

If, while
you

walking
should you
to

and

down
friends intend

whom

do

not

public promenade, or ances acquaintto join, it is

a

only necessary passing.

When

salute

them

the

first

time

of

asked
do it

to

execute
at

commission
any the
cost

for
of

friend

immediately,
You thus double

venience. inconand

obligation,
more

show
In

your
matters

anxiety to oblige. of precedence, be

their
rank than
to

careful
your
own.

to

give

others

take

ing cultivatimpossible to be polite without self-absorbed The absent or a good memory. next-door who of his forgets the name person the neighbors, recalls unlucky topics, confuses his relationships of acquaintances, personal if they were still living, as speaks of the dead in their talks of people forth, so hearing, and least malevolent without being guilty of the enemies for himself, to make intention, is sure and the feeling of others. to wound tions relaWe must give as well as take in all our those of writh none others, and grudge
email observances

It is

which
to

we

ourselves

find

it

so

good

and

pleasant

accept.

GENERAL

HINTS

TO

BOTH

SEXES.

181

Temper breeding
The

has than

much may
are

more

to

do

wich

good

generally
allowed world
most 5 to

be be

supposed.
the this nered best-manis

French

people in they are

month
tone

the the

but

amiable.

only Spend
well

cause bea

with

French

of

the

the

kitchen,

salon, the "c., you will

family, observe school-room, the

better become

the

nursery, how understand

it is that
A

French

politeness has considerate, courteous,

the entire household
"

bial. prover-

kindly
a

spirit
which

pervades perhaps
in

spirit

may

substance

for politeness, but pass and in truth, amiability

have du
not

which

is,

We,

unhappily, la politesse
are

only. vated sufficiently cultiWith

us,

foyer.
with
a

small
;

sacrifices

not

made

not are disappointments grievances spirit5 small

good accepted
too

grace in a

small

patient

a.re

often
a

very

little the

self-control,
of
the
we

exaggerated. little very often

allowance

for
the

failings of others,
tone
a

would
5

change
in
our

entire

household

whilst,
be tion, tolera-

intercourse

with if

world,

both

must

largely
to

exercised,
say

True
are

not

nothing of politeness has its to be polite merely

because spare that
we we

hope popularity.
roots

would

for

in

ethics.
we

We
to

because
to

wish

please, feelings
we

but and

wish
time of
"

consider
;

the

the

others that

because
no

entertain because

charity
are as

thinketh

evil;"

careful

Df

our

neigh-

182

GOOD

MANNERS.

bor

reputation,
would be
to

property,
of
our own

and

personal
because,
act

comfort
in

as

we

word,

desire
we

carry and
to

into

every

of

our

daily
which

life

the

spirit
us

practice
"do
unto

of

that

religion
as we

commands

others

would

they

should

do

unto

us."

184

GOOD

MANNERS.

unasked

; a

also,
letter.
your

look

not

nigh
be

when

another

is

writing
7.

Let

countenance

pleasant,

but

in

serious
8.

matters

somewhat

grave.

yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy. in that in 9. They are dignity or office have all whilst places precedency ; but they are that those are they ought to respect young, their equals in birth other or qualities, though no they have public charge. 10. It is good to to manners prefer them whom ourselves, especially if we speak before in sort, Wj no whom, they be above us, with ought to begin.
not

Show

11.

Let

be

short
12. In the

with discourse your and comprehensive.

men

of

business

visiting

the if

sick,
you

do be

not
not

play
13.

physician,

presently knowing

therein.

writing or speaking, give to every person his due his title,according to degree and the of the place. custom 14. with Strive not superiors in argument, your submit but to judgment always your others with modesty. Undertake 15. to teach not equal in the your himself of arrogancy. art professes ; it savors it all he can, When 16. does though a man did it. him that succeeds not not well, blame
In

WASHINGTON'S

HULES.

185

17.
consider

Being

to

advise it
or

cr

whether

ought
at
; some

reprehend any in be to public

other
in

one,
or

in

private, presently
*vhat
terms to

time, also
show

in,
no

do

it but

and

reproving,
sweetness

signs
18.
ince

of

choler,
not,

do

it with

and

mildness. Mock
;

break

and

if you

abstain
19.

from
Wherein

thing of importno jests that are sharp or biting, deliver thing witty or pleasant, any laughing thereat yourself.
nor

jest at

any

yourself,
than 20.

you for

reprove

another is
more

be

able unblam-

example

prevalent

precept.
Use
no

reproachful language against any neither revilings. curses nor one, 21. Be not hasty to believe flying reports, to the disparagement of any one. 22. In your endeavor apparel be modest, and
to

accommodate

nature

rather

than of with your

procure

admiration,
such time 23.
as
are

keep
civil

to

the

fashion

equals,
to

and

orderly peacock,
see

respect

and

place. not Play

about you shoes and

the
to

looking
be well

where every-

if if

you your

decked,
sit

if

your

fit

well,

stockings
men

neatly,
24.

clothes

Associate
if you
to

handsomely. with yourself

alone your than
own

quality
25.

esteem

good reputation, for

bad company.

of

it is better Let

be

in be

your

conversation

without

malice

186

GOOD

MANNERS.

or

envy,

for

it is

sign
and

of in

tractable
causes

and

mendable com-

nature,
ad
in

all

of

passion
friend

it

reason

to not
a

govern.

26.
to

Be

immodest
secret.

in

urging

your

discover "21. Utter

not

base and

and learned

frivolous
men
:

tilings
nor

amongst
difficult

grown

very

1^.

questions or things hard nor of not Speak

nor

subjects amongst
to

the

rant, igno-

be

believed.

doleful table and

5

mirth,

at
as

the death

things,
mention Tell intimate 29.

things in time of choly speak not of melanwounds, and if others

you
can,

ihem,
friends. Break
not

change,
not

if

the
tc

course. disyour

your

dreams

but

jest
not
no

where

none nor

take
at

pleasure
without

in

mirth.

Laugh
Deride
to

aloud,
man's
cause.

all

occasion.
there 30.
or seem

misfortune,

though

be
not

some

Speak

earnest.

in jest injurious words, neither Scoff at although they give none,

occasion.
31.

Be the

not first

forward,
to

but hear
a

friendly
and
to

and
answer,

eous, court-

salute,
it is from

and

be

not

pensive
Detract in
not

when
not

time

converse.

*2.

others,

but

neither

be

excessive
33.

commending.
thither, be where welcome
you
"/

Go you

know
not.

not

whenot

ther

shall

or

Give

WASHINGTON'S

RULES.

187

advice
do it 34.

without

being
contend

asked,

and

when

ie-sired,
not not

briefly.
If
two

together,
and
:

take be

the nate obstibe

part of
in of the

either your

unconstrained,

opinion
not to

in

things

indifferent

major side. 35. Reprehend for that belongs

36.

the

imperfections
masters,

of
and

others,
riors. supeof
you
not

parents,
the how
to

Gaze
and

not

on

marks

or came.

blemishes
What deliver

others,
may

ask in

not secret

they
your

speak
37.

friend,

before

others.

Speak
but in

not

in

an own

unknown

tongue
5
as

in

pany, comas

your

language
and
not

and the

that

those

of

quality do,
matters treat

vulgar.

seriously. 38. Think before not speak; pronounce you too hastily, imperfectly, nor bring out your words but orderly and distinctly. When another 39. speaks, be attentive self, yourand in

Sublime

disturb
his

not

the

audience.

If
nor

any

tate hesihim
nor

words,

help

him
;

not,

prompt
him

wi'Jiout
answer

being
him Treat

desired

till his with

men

interrupt speech be ended.

at

not,

40.

fit times

about

ness, busi-

and 41. Make

whisper not in the no comparisons,

be commended
riot

company
and if

of others.
any of
act

the

company

for another

virtue, commend

brave any for the same.

of

188

GOOD

MANNERS.

42.
not

Be

not

apt

to

relate In
not

the have
secret

truth

thereof.
name

you discoursing of
your

news,

if

know

you
A

heard,
discover
not

author

things always.
of in

not.

43.

Be

curious

to

know
to

the that

affairs

others,
44.

neither

approach
not
to

those

speak

private.
Undertake what your
a

you

cannot

perform
it without
mean

but

be

careful
When and be

keep
deliver

promise.
matter,
however do
the

45.

you

passion
person
46.

indiscretion,
you do

may When

it to.

hear

them,
In

your neither

to superiors talk speak nor laugh.

anybody,

desirous to so come overdisputes, bo not to deliver not to give liberty to each one as submit his opinion, and to the judgment of the major part, especially if they arejudgers of the dispute. in Be tedious not 48. not discourse, make the same digressions, nor repeat often many

47.

matter

of

discourse.
no

49.

Speak
Be
not

evil

of

the

absent, for
whatever be so,

it is

just. un-

50. and

if you
on a

angry have

at
reason

table
to

happens
show it not,

put
there

cheerful

countenance,

especially
humor makes

if

be
a

strangers,
not

for

good
at

one

dish
51.

feast.

Set

yourself

the

upper

end

of

the

WASHINGTON'S

RULES.

189

table,
house trouble
52. let it

but

if
have the

it

be
it

your
so,

due,
contend

or

the

master

of should

the

will

not,

lest

you

company.

When be

you

speak
in

of

God

or

his and

attributes,
honor,
and

seriously,
natural

reverence

obey
53.

your
Let

parents.
recreations be

your

manful,

not

sin

fill.
54. little Labor
to

keep
celestial

alive

in called

your

breast conscience.

that

spark

of

fire,

CHAPTER

XXII.

Franklin1

"Rules

of
and

Conduct."

Framed him
a

by
great

him man,

for

his

guidance,
and

which

helped

to

make

beloved

respected.

1.
not

TEMPERANCE.
"

Eat

not

to

dulness

drink

to

elevation. SILENCE.
"

2.

Speak
5

not

but

what

may

benefit

others,
3.

or

yourself
Let
"

avoid
all your

trifling
things

conversation.
have

ORDER.
;

their have
its

places
time. 4.

let

each

part

of

your

business

RESOLUTION.
"

Resolve without Make

"

to

perform
what

what

you

ought
5.

perform

fail
no

you

resolve. but
to waste

FRUGALITY.
to

expense that

do

good
6.

others,

or

yourself;
time;
; cut

is,

nothing.
INDUSTRY.
"

Lose

no

be

always
off all

ployed em-

in

something

useful

cessary unne-

actions. 7. SINCERITY.
"

Use

no

hurtful if you

deceit

think

innocently accordingly.
8.
or

and

justly
Wrong

and,

speak,

speak

JUSTICE.
"

none

by
are

doing
your

injuries, duty.

omitting

the

benefits

that

(190)

CHAPTER

XXIII.

Lord

Chesterfield's
ART

Sentences

and

Maxims.

THE

OF

SPEAKING.
"

You who
;

cannot

but

be

convinced,
with

that

man

speaks
who and makes

and

writes of the

elegance
words
;

and
and

grace adorns
he and

choice

good
will

embellishes

subject, obtaining
not

upon

which

either succeed than

;

speaks
more
a

or

writes,

persuade
what

better,
he

easily
who

in

wishes, clearly
of low
and

man

does

explain
; or

himself
use

speaks vulgar

his

language
;

ill and

makes has

expressions
in thing any-

who that
THE

neither says.
OF

grace

nor

elegance

he

FOLLY

IGNORANCE.
and and There the

An
"

ignorant
5

man

is for
and

insignificant
his company, is all. upon that

contemptible
he
can

nobody
said
to

cares

just
a

be

live,

is

very
such

pretty
an

French

epigram
all that

death
the

of

ignorant,

insignificant
can

fellow,
be said
he

sting
him

of
that

which he
was

is,

that

of is is
now

is,
dead.

once

alive, and
HUMANITY.

that

It
"

certain

that of
a

humanity
great
anger
the mind

is
;
venge, re-

the

particular
and

characteristic

little, vicious
are

minds

are

full

of

and

incapable

of

feeling

exalted

(192)

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
their

ETC.

193

pleasure
those

of

forgiving
of

marks

favor

enemies, and and generosity

the better.

of

stowing be-

upon

of whom

they have
Virtue man's make in

gotten subject

VIRTUE.

"

is

that and
or

deserves

your
were

and
to

every

attention
some

suppose

I
me

bid

you

verses,

give

your

thoughts
how first
are

prose,
you go what and and

virtue,
would
what

would consider
effects

the

subject of it? about Why you virtue then is, and with of it, both marks
upon
the self. in You

regard to others find, then, that in speaking and

it
are

one's

would

virtue truth
to ;

consists
and that

doing
the and
us

good,
of
one's and

effects
to

advantageous
in

all

mankind,
makes mankind

self

particular.
the

Virtue of

pity
;

relieve
us

misfortunes

it

makes

good order justice and promote to whatever and, in general, contributes

the
an

in

society:
tends
to

real

good
else

of mankind. comfort
can

To and

ourselves

it

gives

inward

satisfaction,
which

which

nothing
rob
us

do,
other
as

of.
as

All much

others,
power,
us

can nothing depend advantages upon ourselves. Riches, upon

and

and the

greatness
violence

by

may and but

can

be

taken

away

from
or on

inevitable

accidents,
and

injustice of others virtue depends only

take it away.

ourselves
POLITENESS
as

nobody
A

NECESSITY.
and

"

Know
are

learning,

honor,

virtue

then, that absolutely

194

GOOD

MANNERS.

the esteem to gain you necessary and of mankind ; politeness

are

ani

tion admira-

good breeding

make welcome to equally necessary, you life. and agreeable in conversation, and common Great talents, such as honor, virtue, learning, and the generality of the world who above ; parts, are them neither themselves, nor judge of possess them rightly in others : but all people are judges lesser of the talents, such as civility,affability, and and an obliging, agreeable address manner; because they feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing.

RUDENESS
not

AND

CIVILITY.
rude

"

I dare

say

I need

the best is, to take seize to or immediately place in a room, upon like at table, without what offering first to you but considered nobody help others ; as if you should always yourself. On the contrary, you tell you how it endeavor
can

to

procure

all

the

conveniences

you

Besides being people you are with. the is absolutely necessary, tion perfeccivil, which of good breeding is, to be civil with ease, For in a gentlemanlike and this, you manner. excel French the observe should people ; who and in it, and whose as politeness seems easy
to

the

natural Whereas

as

any

other

part of
are

their

conversation.

the

English
when
to

often
mean

awkward
to

in be

their

and, civilities,
too

much

ashamed

they get

civil,are

it out.

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
AWKWARDNESS

ETC.

195

MANNER
"

"

ABSENCE

"

"

TION. ATTENmay towards

women
:

However

triflinga genteel
very

manner

sound, whom,
from

it is of
in

pleasing
one

great consequence private life, especially the

or

time and I

other,
have

you
known

will

think
a

worth
man,
a

pleasing:
his

many such

awkwardness,
at

give people
all his merit

like disnot
a

of

him

first, that
of it

could Whereas
in

get

the

better

afterwards.

genteel manner favor, bends

them wish but
to

prepossesses
them like you.
two

people
and

towards

you, Awkwardness
;
or

your makes ceed pronot

can

from

causes

either

from
not

having
attended There and

kept good
to

company,

from

having

it.
an

is,likewise, words,
most

awkwardness

of expression

carefully to be avoided ; such old false as English, bad pronunciation, common are so proverbs ; which sayings, and low pany. comproofs of having kept bad and many of saying For that example : if, instead that has his tastes are different, and man every let off a own peculiar one, you should proverb,
and another say, that man's
il

What

is

one

man's

meat

is

one poison ;" or else, "Every as said when he kissed they like, as the good man bis would be persuaded that ;" everybody cow had with never kept company anybody you

above

footmen

and will do

housemaids. all this

;

Attention

and

without

atten-

196

GOOD

MANNERS.

tion which

thought, is madness. should You or not tion attenonly have to everything, but a quickness of attention, all the to observe, at so as people in the once, their their their room motions, looks, and ; words and staring at them, and yet without ; be This observer. to an seeming quick and unobserved is of infinite observation advantage in life,and is to be acquired with care ; and, on the is called is absence, which contrary, what of attention about a thoughtlessness and want is doing, makes what like either a man so a fool real or that, for my a madman, no part, I see difference. A fool man has never thought, a madhas lost it *, and absent an man is, for the it. time, without
want

nothing is is really

to

be

done of

want

of

attention, either folly

LETTER
as

WRITING.

"

Let

your

letter
"

be
mean

written
with
;

are accurately as you regard to language, grammar

able

and trouble

stops

for

as

to

the

matter

of it the it

less

the easy
to
to

better

will
and

be.
convey

you Letters
to
we

give
should
the

self yourbe

and
we

natural,
send if
we

persons say

whom
the

them,
were

just

what

should

persons

with

them.

DANCING

TRIFLING.

"

Dancing

is

in

itself of those
are

silly thing ; but it is one trifling, very follies to which established people of
sometimes

sense

obliged

to

conform

and

then

they

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
do
a

ETC.

197

should would

be
not

able
have

to

it well.

And,

though
as

dance,
have
no one

I would
you do

you have

dancer,
dance

yet
do,

when

you

well,
well.

do you I would There is to is

be

done

at

everything you but thing so trifling, all) ought to be done

you, and that I wished better

which well.
you than
;
a

(if it
And
even

1 have

often
at

told

pitch,

cricket,
For
and
to

any

played boy at
a

Westminster. foolish
for his
a

instance

dress

is foolish

very

thing
man

yet
be of

it is

not

well life
to
a

thing dressed, according to

very and it is man's
so

rank
a

and

way

far

from

being
well

disparagement
it

any

ing, understand-

that dressed

is
as

rather

proof
he

of

it,

to

be
:

as

those
case

whom between

lives
a man

with

the

difference and his

at
a

in

this

of

sense

fop is, that

and ;
same

the
man

fop
he

values
sense

himself

upon
at

dress the

the
time

of

laughs
he
must

it,
not

that
are a

knows

neglect
of this

it:

there

thousand

foolish

customs

must being criminal complied with, and even cheerfully by men wise sense. Diogenes the cynic was a man despising them, but a fool for showing it. wiser than other but do people if you can, not

kind,

which

be

of for Be
not

tell

them

so.

INATTENTION.
"

There

is

no

surer

sign
is worth

in

the

world

of

weak little,

mind,
at

than all

inattention.

Whatever

is worth

doing

doing

198

GOOD

MANNERS.

\vell ; and attention. you

ask

nothing
It is the

can sure

be
answer

done
of that that
not
"

well
a

without

fool, when
said he
01

him

about

anything
present,

was

done,
not

where it."

he

was

truly
fool
to

did

mind

And he

why
else A
man

did

the but

mind mind

it ? what
and

What
was

had

to

do of

there,
sense

doing?
I may

sees,

hears,
he

retains

everything
never as

that

passes

where of not
a

is.

I desire
nor

hear
most

you

talk

ing, minderous treach-

complain, they
may your

fools
not

do, of
what you truth
can

say,

memory. how but

you

Mind,

sagacity,
eyes
than

say discover
ears.

only it; and, if

more

people
have any your

by
say

by
but

People
look discover conceal.
"

what

they
and words

will their
are

they cannot looks frequently

calculated
to

what

they
what The the

will,
their
most

material of

knowledge
the world
"

of

all

I
to

mean

ledge knowout with-

is not

be

acquired

great attention.
WOMEN. it is CLASSES
OF

"

MEN.
am

"

JUDGMENT.

"

fore Be-

opinion, that you and think will both favorably of speak more than You do now. to think, seem women you Eve downwards, done a that, from they have that of mischief. As for lady, I great deal give her up to you ; but, since her time, history
very will

long,

of

inform in

you,

that

men

have
women

done
;

much

more

mischief

the

world

than

and,

to

say

200

GOOD

MANNERS.

FALSE I

DELICACY.

"

As

for it ;
you

the

mauvaise

honfaf
is like that
you
care

are hope you other people's,

above
I

hope
too. not

your will then

figure
take should mixed

dress your ashamed? with

own as

is

so

Why
go
as

be

Why
concern

into you

little

would

company into your

room?
THE

WELL-BRED
in all

MAN
5

"

Feels

himself without

firm

and

being if he is a stranger he the observes, with care, and of the most manners people the ways esteemed conforms them at that to place, and with Instead of complaisance. finding fault the customs with of that place, and telling the thousand are a people that the English ones times better (as my countrymen are apt to very their table, their dreps, their do), he commends little more, it may a houses, and their manners, But he be, than really thinks they deserve. is neither this degree of complaisance criminal nor price to pay for abject ; and is but a small affection the of the people you good will and the generality of people are with. As converse little weak these be to pleased with enough refuse who to please them, so things, those than mind, weaker they. cheaply, are, in my
FOOLISH is
no

companies bashful, and steady

easy

is modest

without

being impudent:

TALK.

"

The

conversation and

of the
even

rant ignono

conversation,

gives

them

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
of their
to

ETC.

201

pleasure:
have words
not
to

they
matter

tire

own

and sterility,
them with

enough
up
a

furnish

keep

conversation. Do
much
not

WORLD-KNOWLEDGE.

"

imagine

that
to

the you

knowledge
is confined

which
to

so

recommend

pleasing, useful, and necessary that in is; but I comprehend as knowledge of the world, still more it the great knowledge In that of books. than truth, they necessary another assist man one reciprocally ; and no either has will have both. not perfectly, who is only to of the world The be knowledge quired acbooks,
in alone will many the

world,

and

not

in you

closet.
but

Books

never

teach

it your you

suggest

things
escape

to

they will observation, which

;

might
those you
to

otherwise upon
which fix the you

and

your

own

servatio obwith

mankind,
will find
true

when in

compared books, will

help

point.
"

INTROSPECTION.
as

You
Almost
to
a

must

look
all

into

people,

well all

as

at

them.

with almost the for of

the

passions,
man

every
are

has

born people are certain a degree ; but prevailing one, to which

others that his the

subordinate.
; pry

Search into
the

every
recesses

one

of
when

ruling passion heart, and observe same passion in

have found
out
man,

the

different

workings

different
the

you

of any

remember

never

And, people. prevailing passion to trust him, where

202

GOOD

MANNERS.

passion is concerned. by it, if you please : but yourself against it,whatever

make
vou.
*/

that

Work
be upon

upon
your he

him

guard
may

professions
However
you your rather
to

INSULTS
company

AND

INJURIES.

"

frivolous
are

may do
not

be,
show them

still,while
them,
so;
some

among
their ness, weakfor
more

them,
that

by
but

inattention,
-take their

you
and

think conform of is

tone,
them.

in

degree
your

instead There

manfesting

contempt

impatiently, or an injury is
insult. FASHIONABLE
and

nothing that people bear forgive less, than contempt: much sooner forgotten than
VICES. A real of

and
an

"

man

fashion

pleasure
nor

observes

decency
vices
;

; at

least, neither
ately unfortunwith
not

borrows has

affects
he

and them

if he

delicacy, the pleasures

and under

any, and

gratifies
I

choice,
solid
come

secrecy.

have

mentioned

of

permanent
the
;

head

the (which are they do not ones), because of what people commonly

the

mind

call

the confine to to they seem The senses. pleasure of virtue, of charity, and and of learning is true lasting pleasure ; which and I hope will be well long acquainted you

pleasures

which

with. ONE
7r
a

THING

AT

TIME.

"

If at
man were

party of pleasure, a

ball, a supper, to be solving,

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,

ETC.

203

in
be

his
a

own

very figure in

mind, a problem in Euclid, he would bad a companion, and make very poor that if, in studying a company ; or
in
his

problem minuet,
a

closet, he
to

were

to

think

of make

am

apt

believe

that

he

would
is

very

enough
if
not

mathematician. poor for everything, in

do but
one

There the
at
course once

time

of the
;

day,
is
two

you

thing
in the

but

there do

time
at

enough
a

year,

if

you

will

things

time.

PERSONAL
to

CLEANLINESS.
manners,
so

"

As

you
not

must

attend your well

your
;

you

must

neglect
clean,
which
cannot

person

but and
nor

take

care

to
; to

be have tricks

very
no

dressed,

genteel
awkward

disagreeable
many leave teeth every very

attitudes,

people
them very

use

themselves
Do

to, and
take
care

then
to

off.

you
after
to
save

clean, by
and both and dress your
to

washing
every

them meal?

keep your constantly

This teeth deal well? is
a

morning,
necessary,

preserve
you and and and All
a

your

great

while,
Do you

great
too

of
Do

pain.
you

well,
air

not
manner

consider

of
too

presenting
neither deserve
; a

yourself, enough, stiff. negligent nor

degree give an
Lord of
care,
a

not

much?

these

things
real

second-rate
lustre that
a

attention
to

additional says,

merit. is
a

they My
petual percer"

Bacon letter

pleasing figure
It

of

recommendation.

is

204

GOOD

MANNERS.

tainly
smooths TRUTH.

an

agreeable
the
"

forerunner
it.

of

merit,

and

way

for
man

Every

seeks

for

truth

but

God

it. who has found It is, therefore, only knows cule, to ridias unjust to persecute, as it is absurd several people for those opinions, which the tion convichelp entertaining upon they cannot

of GOOD
to

their

reason.

BREEDING.
accommodate the
same

"

is a dispoCivility,which sition and sentially oblige others, is esin every

country
is the is

but

good
of almost
man

breeding, as exerting that

it is called, which

manner

disposition,

different
;

in

country, and every of sense imitates

merely
and

local

and
to

every
that is at. is

conforms

local A

good breeding conformity and

in the
to

of

place which flexibilityof manners

the of
the which world
are

he

sary neces-

course

that

is, with
in
most

regard
useful
one manner

all

things
The It
can

not

themselves. of
all.

versatile
turn

ing

enium

wrong is the

itself

instantly
the with

from

object
for
cheerful frivolous.

to

another,
It
can

assuming
be gay, serious and all

proper
the

each. with

grave, the

the

trifling with
means,

Endeavor,
it is let
a

by
very
your

to
one

quire ac-

this SELF-LOVE. love,

make

talent, for
"

great

Do you
at

not

your

friends

suppose first sight,

that
or even

vanity, people
upon

and

self-

become
a

short

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,

ETC.

205

Real friendship is a slow grower; acquaintance. stock and thrives, unless a engrafted upon never The of known and next thing reciprocal merit.
to

the

choice company.

of

your

friends
as

is much
above with

the
as

choice
you

of

your
to

Endeavor,
with
as

keep company much rise, as you

you whatever
;

people

you.

can, There low beare

for,
the

as

sink you mentioned you

mistake,
think that

when I

company I say
mean

people before, you Do keep is.

not

that is the
to

above you, company with regard to their

:

and

birth;
with the

least their

consideration

but

mean

regard
world

merit,
them.

and

the

light

in which

considers

GOOD

COMPANY.

"

There

are

two

sorts

of

company ; one, of and consists

in courts,

which
those in

is called

the

beau

good monde,
lead other

people
gay
are

who

have

the

and of

the
who

part of

life ; the

consists

those
or

peculiar merit,
and I
valuable
to
art

who
or

distinguished by some in some excel particular

For company
Mr. my
own as

science.
in

part,
much and

used

think when
as

myself
I
was

above Mr. in

me,

with been

Addison
all

Pope, Europe.

if

I had I

with

the

princea

What

mean

by

low

company,

which

be avoided, is the by all means of those, who, absolutely insignificant company and contemptible in themselves, think they are honored and who by being in your company,

should

206

GOOD

MANNERS.

flatter order
The but

every
to

vice

and

every

folly
the

you

have,
them.

in

pride
too

to converse you engage first of of being the

"

with

company

is

common

but

it is
in that I

prejudicial. Nothing
character VALUE sordid
**

silly,and very very the world lets down

wrong
once, turn. ous, covet-

more

than TIME.

OF

"

knew,
used

very

fellow,
of
the

who

Take
care

care

take

of

pence, themselves."
in
a

frequently to for the pounds This was a just

I recommend
;
am

say, will

and
to

sensible you take

many
to
care

reflection
take
care

miser.
minutes I

of

for
very

hours sure,

will

of

themselves.

that

three hours or people lose two day, every minutes. of the Never taking care by not think portion of time, whatsoever, tc-:" shorany other ways albe to or employed : something may be

done

in
"

it.

KNOWLEDGE. and necessary age

Knowledge
retreat

is shelter do
not

comfortable for
us

and if
us we

in

an

advanced young, old.

and

plant
when

it while
we

it will

give

no

shade

grow

FASHIONABLE of fashion
not

LADIES. will

"

The

company

of
manners,

men wo-

though
in
imirs

your

improve understanding;

your
and
are

that
so

plaisance com-

politeness, which can only company,

and

useful in

be

acquired

women's.

208

GOOD

MANNERS.

though the silver,gold, "c., the

80.

where

materials

were was

valuable,
still
more

as

workmanship

though the last, and it be the least ingredient of may real merit, far from however, being are, very in its composition; useless they adorn, and give
OF
"

ADVANTAGE

MANNERS.

Manners,

an

additional

force

and

lustre

to

both smooth
are,

virtue
the

and
way

knowledge.
for the
the bulk of

They

progress

prepare of both
more

and
;

and

fear,

with

either. of
to
manners

mankind, Remember, then,

; utmost

cultivate
:

engaging than the infinite advantage and own improve your

will

the

good

sense

suggest
will
do

the

great
rest.

rules

to

you,

good

company

the

graceful speaking, a a genteel carriage, and graceful mariner of presenting yourself, are extremely necessary, for they are ness carelessextremely engaging ; and in these more points is much unpardonable, in a young It shows affectation. fellow, than offensive indifference wardness about an pleasing. Awkof carriage is very a alienating ; and total air, is an negligence of dress, and imper
"

PROPER

CARRIAGE.

Next

to

iinent
No there

insult
ONE are

upon

custom

and

fashion. Be convinced that

CONTEMPTIBLE.
no

"

inconsiderable,

persons but may

so
some

insignificant and time other, or

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,

ETC.

209

and

in

some

thing
of
use

or

other, have
you
;

it in

their

power
will

to

be

to

which

they certainly
them

not, if you
FOLLY but it
OF

have

once

shown

contempt.
are

THE

CONTEMPT.

"

Wrongs
is.
a more
man

often

forgiven,
remembers

contempt
for
ever. we

never

Our

pride
careful

It
are

implies
much
a

discovery
will I
fess connever

of
to

weaknesses,
conceal

which
crimes.
to
a

than
crimes
man

Many
tell
one.

his
knew
a

common

friend, but
his

who
most
us

would intimate
our

silly
As

nesses weaka

to

his

many reserve,

friend who that either

will will
not

tell
so

faults
as

without
at
our our

much

hint

follies

discovery
to

tell

mortifying to be to another, or

is too

told

self-love, of, one's

self. LES
what

ATTENTIONS.
the

"

The les in

constant attentions

practice
is
a

of

French

call

most

necessary they flatter

are

than

pleasing; self-love of those the to whom they shown they captivate, more engage, ; they The things of much importance. greater
art

ingredient

the

of

duties

of

social but

life these

everv
V

man

is

obliged
*
'

to

dis-

charge;
acts, the

attentions

are

voluntary

offerings of good breeding and received, are good nature remembered, ; they returned and such. Women, as particularly, have and right to them omission, in that a ; any ill breeding. respect, is downright

free

will

210

GOOD

MANNERS.

CONVERSATION.

--When
to

you
some

are

in
useful

company,

subject, Points of history, but a portee of that company. of particular of literature, the customs matters orders of knighthood, as countries, the several jects "c., are Teutonic, Maltese, surely better subthan the of conversation weather, dress, information fiddle-faddle stories,that carry no or The characters of kings, and them. along with in conversation are only to be learned great men, for they are never during fairly written ; bring
their lives. FAITH.
the bare Take
"

the

conversation

HISTORICAL

nothing
of
own

for

ed, grant;

upon

weigh

and of

authority consider, in your

the

the

author
the

but probability the

mind,
authors

facts, and
different
your

the

justness

of

reflections.
same

Consult
and

upon

the

the opinion upon lesser degree of probability arising or greater in my most the whole, which, from mind, is the utof historical stretch faith, certainty (I fear)

facts,

form

not

being
CONTEMPT.

to

be

found.

is not ambitious, or Every man has man covetous, passionate ; but or every feel and his in to composition pride enough the least resent Remember, slight and contempt. tempt, contherefore, most carefully to conceal your would not however just, wherever you much Men make are an implacable enemy.
"

CHESTERFIELD'S
have

MAXIMS,
their
than that ill and

ETC.

211

more

unwilling
if hint

to

weaknesses their you

or

and

their

imperfections
you
to
or a

known,
man,

crimes;
him

and,
he tell

think

silly, ignorant,
will him.
hate you

even more

bred,

awkward,
than if you

longer

think him a plainly, that you rogue. Never yield to that temptation, which, to most of exposing other is very strong, men, young and the infirmities, for people's weaknesses of of either sake or diverting the company, own superiority. You get showing may your side the laugh by it, for the present-, on your enemies will make and but by it for ever; you who those then, will, upon laugh with you even hate consequently reflection, fear, and : you and that besides that, it is ill-natured a good ;

heart

desires

rather weaknesses
use

to

conceal,
or

than

expose,
If hurt
:

other
you you
zones,

people's have wit,

may

misfortunes.
and in
not to

it to like

please,
sun

shine,
without the

the

the

temperate
is wished

scorching.
line

Here

it

for ; under SECRETS.

now

it ia dreaded.

The
"

last
the

observation,
Cardinal's

that

1
ll

sholl
a

mention
is
more

of

is,

That

secret

easily kept by a good many ple, peothan this one commonly imagines." By of importance, among he K eans secret a people it is certain in the keeping of it. And interested know the fjUat people of business importance

2"i2

GOOD

MANNERS.

cf

secrecy,

and in
or

will
the

observe To

it, v*hei"e
go and

they
tell

ure

concerned

event.

friend, wife,

mistress,
to

they
Buch them

have
an

nothing
unretentive
you will that

do,

with secret any is discovering to

as
i

any which them

weakness, tell it
to

must

.convince

that

twenty
reveal
But

others,
it
a

and

consequently
the risk

they

may

without
secret

of

being

discovered.

properly

who are only to those in the be concerned to thing in question, will they should probably be kept by them, though Little be a good many. secrets are commonly told again, but great ones generally kept.

communicated,

keep good company, first setting out, is the especially at your way If ask receive to me good impressions. you I will I mean confess what by good company,
"

GOOD

COMPANY.

To

to

that you, endeavor will

as

it is pretty
to

difficult
you

to

define it

;
as

but

make

understand

wel]

can.

Good company
themselves the

company
are

is not

what

respective
to

sets

of

pleased
but the it is

either
that

call

or

think all

company

which

acknowledge place call, and jections obto some notwithstanding company, of the form which to some they may It consists it. who individuals chiefly compose without exception) of people (but by no means for character: of considerable birth, rank, and

people be, good

of

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
rank

ETC.

213

people
and very any

of

neither

birth

nor

by
is

liberal

into justly admitted peculiar merit, or science. art Nay, or

company, that many intrude others

good

frequently it,if distinguished in eminency any so motley a thing people, without

are

birth,
own

rank,

or

merit,
and

into
slide

it

by

their it

forwardness,

into

by
;

the and morals

protection
some even

of of

some

considerable characters
in the of

person and the

indifferent it.

make

part

of

But,
and

main,

good
and this

part preponderates,
blasted characters
are

people
never

infamous
In
ners man-

admitted. the best

fashionable
and the

good
best
to

company

language
be
tone
to

of
;

the

most

unquestionably and give the

called
the

learnt

for

place are blish, they estaare

both, which
and
manners

therefore

language being
no

of
to

good
A the

there company ; either. ascertain

legal
of

tribunal

consisting company first quality cannot,

the

wholly
for
common

people
reason,

of
be

that

called of
the

good company, phrase, unless

and
;

in

the

they

are,

into

acceptation the bargain,

the
can
as

fashionable
for

accredited
very and

place
be
as

people of the silly, as ill bred,

of
the
meanest

of company first quality

as

worthless,
the of

people
hand,
of very
a

On degree. consisting entirely company low their condition, whatever

other

people
or com-

merit

parts

may

be,

can

never

be

called

good

214

GOOD

MANNERS.

should consequently frequented, though by no means A company wholly composed though greatly to be valued is not meant by the words good pany
; cannot

and

not

be

mucL

despised.
of
men

of learning,

and

have

the
as

easy

manners

company and tournure in

a

respected, : they
of
you If

the
can

world,
bear

they
part

do
well
to

not

live
such

it.

your

in be in

company,
other

it
and
panies, com-

is you

extremely
will be

right
but
more

it

sometimes,
in that. if you of the way

esteemed,
a

for
do will
not

having

place
you;
as

in

But

then you

let

be

it engross only considered

;

for
one

do,
either

litterati
to

by profession
shine The
or

which
the

is world.

not

the

rise

in

company

of

professed
are

wits

and
men

poets
5

is if

extremely inviting to most wit themselves, they have if they have and are none,

young

who

it, pleased with sillily proud of being it should of it: but be one frequented with should and and moderation judgment, by you no means give yourself up to it. A wit is a ror terit carries denomination, as unpopular very along with it; and people in general are as live afraid much of a as a wit, in company,
woman

off

of

which gun, her do itself, and

is
a

of

she
a

thinks

may

go

mischief.

Their
and
clusively exas

acquaintance
their

company of

worth is, however, worth frequenting such to others, nor

seeking,
;
a

but

not

degree

216
.

GOOD

MANNERS.

but Omit
and
recourse

where

they
of

are

very

apt,
that

and

very
not

short.

every
beware
to

circumstance

is To

digressions. narrative betrays anybody

to to

have
want

material, frequent
of

great
the

agination im-

Never

hold
in order

by
heard you, than

button, for,
had if much

or

the

hand,
are

be

out;
you them.
out

people
ter bet-

not

willing
your

hear

hold
Most

tongue
talkers in

long
man

single
company be

some

one

fortunate un-

(commonly
the
most

him
or

whom

to they observe their next neighbor) to half voice, to convey a

to.

silent,
of in words
some

This
a

is

whisper, or at a continuity excessively ill bred, and,

;

least, in

degree,

fraud
common one

conversation

stock

being
the other

joint hand,
hold
least

and if

property.
of
hear

But,

on

these
him

unmerciful
with he
more

talkers

lays
at

of

you,

patience
is worth than him of bis

(and

seeming attention), if for nothing will oblige him hearing, as nothing would
either
or

obliging ; a patient
more,

hurt

than

to

leave

him

in

the

midst

discourse,
your
the

to

discover

your

impatience give,
If you the have upon had
tone

under

affliction.
Take you show and if rather
are

than in.
more

of

pany com-

parts,
every better

you

will

them,
you

or

less,
you

subject:
talk

have

not,

sillily

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,

ETC.

217

upon
own

subject choosing.
a as

of

other

people's
can, in

than

of

your

Avoid

much

as

you

mixed

panies, com-

argumentative, polemical conversations which, they should though not, yet certainly do, indispose, for a time, the contending parties towards each other and, if the : controversy and to an warm noisy, endeavor put grows I it by end to joke. some genteel levity or hubbub conversation by once, a quieted such I was that, though representing to them suaded per,

none

there what the

present

would

repeat,
I could

out not

of
answer

company,

passed
must

in of

it, yet
the

for

discretion

the
was

street, who
said. Above all

necessarily

passengers all hear

in that

all occasions, things, and upon avoid speaking of yourself, if it be possible. Such natural is the vanity of our pride and in out, even hearts, that it perpetually breaks various best people of the parts, in all the modes and figures of the egotism.

SILLY

VANITY.
so

"

This in

principle

of

vanity
that it

and scends de-

pride

is

strong
to

human

nature,

often objects ; and one sees people angling for praise, where, admitting all they be it to true (which, by the way, say seldom One is), no just praise is to be caught.
even

the

lowest

man

affirms

that

he

has

rode

post

hundred

218

GOOD

MANNERS.

miles

in

six

hours
be

probably

it is then?

lie

; but

supposing
is
a

it to

true, what

Why

he

is all. Another good postboy, that Avithout not probably oaths, that asserts, and six he has drunk at or eight bottles of wine a liar ; a sitting : out of charity I will believe him him beast. think a for, if I do not, I must

very

of avoiding only sure way evils these to is, never speak of yourself at all. But obliged to menwhen, historically, you are tion not to drop one care yourself, take single word, that can directly or indirectly be construed Be acter charas fishing for applause. your
"

YOURSELF.

The

what
will

it will, take

it

will your

be
own

known word. s"y lustre

and

body no-

it upon

Never

imagine
will

that

anything
your

you
or

can

yourself
to

varnish
;

defects,
on

add

your and
more are

perfections
nine

but,
ten

the

contrary,
the obscure.

times
and

in

will, make
latter
own

it may, former If neither

or

glaring,
silent

the

you

upon

your
or

subject,
will may you

envy,

indignation, the applause

but if

ridicule

obstruct

allay
;

which

own publish your occasion, or in any shape any however disguised, they will or artfully dressed will all conspire against you, and be disappointed you

you

really deserve panegyric, upon and whatsoever,

of

the

very

end

you
"

aim

at.

SCANDAL

"

MIMICRY

SWEARING

"

LAUGHTER

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
receive

ETC.

219

"

Neither

retail the

nor

scandal, willingly
of others of
may, for

for
the

though
present,
our

defamation the

gratify
cool

malignity
will from

the draw

pride
a

of

hearts,
and in the thief. which

reflection

disadvantageous
:

conclusions the
case

such
as

very position disthat

as

of
is

scandal,

in

of
bad

robbery,
as

receiver

always

thought
and

the

Mimicry,
amusement

is the

common

favorite
utmost

of with

low little,

ininds"
It

is in

the

contempt
most

great
all

ones.

is the

lowest

and

ill'iberal of
it

buffoonery.
nor

Pray,
it in

neither others.
;
an.

practise
Besides

yourself,
often

applaud
mimicked
to

that, the
as

person

is you

insulted

and,
insult

I have is
never

observed

before,
to
are

I need

not

forgiven. (I believe)
to

advise

you you

adapt
versing con-

your without

conversation with this and

a
:

the

people
you talked manner,
a

for

suppose
have

would
the
a

not,
same

caution,
in the
a

upon
to

subject,
of
a

same

minister and the hue

;

state,

bishop,
A be
man

philosopher,
of
the take
a

captain,
like

woman.

world every

must,

cameleon which but

to
a

able
no

to
means

different
or

is

by

criminal for
it

necessary
and

complaisance,
not
as

abject, relates only

and

manners, word One and

to

morals.

only,
believe,

to
more

swearing;
than
some

that,

hope
You

is

may

sometime?

hear

necessary people, in good

is

220

GOOD

MANNERS

company,

interlard of

their

discourse
as

with think
do

oaths,
;
so

by
you
never

way
must

embellishment,

they
who
any

but
are

observe,
who
company

those that

too, that those in contribute,

the
are

degree,
of

to

give

denomination

good
or

company.

They
of
that

always
j tor
one

subalterns,
that

people
besides

low

education
no

it has

silly,and as who Loud of the mob, laughter is the mirth are only pleased with sillythings ; for true wit the excited or never a good sense laugh, since creation of of the A world. man parts* arid is therefore fashon to smile, but never only seen heard to laugh.
as

is

temptation illiberal, as it is wicked.

practice, to plead,

REFLECTION
own
reason

"

ITS

USE.

"

Use
and

and

assert

your thing, everymature

reflect,examine,
to not

analyze
and

in

order

form

sound

judgment ; let understanding,

your Consult
it

others'

mislead Be
too

conversation.

not, you
will

will, when
your
reason

impose upon your actions, or dictate your are early, what, if you had been. late, wish you
I do
not

dicta

betimes: prove
an

say,

that
;

always
reason

unerring
that

guide
but
can

for

human

is

not

infallible: you

it

will

prove

the and

least

erring guide
may and

follow.

Books neither,
best

conversation

assist

it; but
both
to

blindly
which

rule,

inplicitly; try God has given

adopt by that
us,

direct

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,

ETC.

221

Reason.
many of

Of

all the

troubles of be

do

not

decline,
The

as

people
mankind
are

do,
can

that

thinking.
said
;

herd
;

hardly
all better

to

think
in be
more

their

notions
I

almost it is

adoptive
that it

and,

general,
so

believe
common

should

as

such order

and would

prejudices their quiet, than

do,
uncultivated

contribute
own

to

separate

ings reasonas

and

unimproved

they

are.

TEMPER. the

"

The

principal

of

these

things,
coolness

is

of

and that of one's temper, mastery and mind, serenity of countenance,

us

which

discovering, by words, actions, looks, those passions or sentiments, by or even which we or inwardly moved agitated ; and are abler the and discovery of which, gives cooler infinite not over advantages people such us, mon comonly in great business, but in all the most
hinders from
occurrences

of

life.

A
to

man

who

does

not

possess

himself

enough
visible
or

hear of

disagreeable
anger
and

things,
change

without
of

marks

countenance,
bursts

sudden

of
at

out withagreeable ones of joy and expansion

mercy
:

countenance,

is

the

of former
to

every will

artful voke pro-

knave,
or

or

pert
looks

coxcomb

the

please
or

you
;

by design,
which he

catch

words

by

will

unguarded easily decipher

you should

the

secrets

of

your

heart,

of

which

222

GOOD

MANNERS.

keep the living.

key yourself, and

trust

it with

no

man

IMMOBILITY.
countenance
as

"

Determine,
unmoved and

too,

to

keep
a

your
as

unembarrassed

possible ; which of, by constant nothing better,

to

steadiness attention.
in any

you

get may I should

than
warm,
to

habit

desire
to

negotiation,
these
men

have

do

with
;

one

of
I

of
care

quick
set

passions
motion.

which

would

take

in

extort provocations, I would and ing rash expressions ; and, by hintseveral at all the things that I could suspect, the true by the alteration infalliblydiscover one,

By artful unguarded

it occasioned V6lto with

a

in
con

the

countenance

of

the

sciolto

close
in

pen.neri strdtti (An (or secret) mind) is a most

person. face open useful

maxim
THE

business.
MOMENT.

EASY
some

"

Some
some

people
but,
at

are

to

be and all

reasoned,
some are

flattered,
into
a

intimidated,
in

teased
to

thing;
into it

general,
if

be

brought
o

last,
and

skilfullv
**

applied
attacked
time

to,

properly managed,
their several be mollia likewise has his all

in

should

indefatigably The weak places. : judiciously chosen

tempora,
but you that "would
to
was
a

man every from far

is

being
time
one

day

choose
man

your about

very

long; ill, if
when

and you

applied
his
was

business,
or

head full

full

of

another,

when

his

heart

of

224

GOOD

MANNERS.

bon be

mot.

When
of
to

things
the
most

of

this

kind

happen
way
at

to
seem

said
not

you,

prudent
are

is

to

but

to

that they suppose dissemble conceal and

you may feel

meant

you,

whatever
;

degree
should

of

anger

inwardly

and

be cannot supposed they be so plain, that you ignorant of their meaning, to join in the laugh of the company against yourself; acknowledge the hit to be a fair one, the jest a good one, and and thing in seeming good play off the whole humor: but means reply in the same by no which that are hurt, and only shows way you ; have publishes the victory which might you concealed. the Should said, indeed, thing is injure your honor, or moral character, there I hope but one never reply ; which proper you

will

have

occasion

to

make.

WOMEN
and

OF

FASHION.
:

--They
their their
A
sex

are

numerous

loquacious body more prejudicial, than to you. advantageous

and

hatred

would

be

be friendship can general complaisance

attention

to

that and

is, therefore,

lished estabBut
one,
can

by
where you

custom,

would

certainly necessary. particularly please any

or

whose of
use

situation, interest,
to you,

connections

be

you

The charm

least

them.

particular preference. the attentions please, est greatThe but innocent, pleasing
must

show

flattery

of

their

persons,

however

gross,

is

CHESTERFIELD'^

MAXIMS.

ETC.

225

and kindly digested, but greedily swallowed, a understandings, seeming regard for their a for their advice, seeming desire of, and deference their in confidence a seeming together with their head moral entirely in your virtues, turns the much them shocks favor. as so Nothing which of that least they contempt, appearance of their of entertaining are apt to suspect men of gaining be very sure capacities : and you may their

friendship, Here, gaming.

and
as even

if you

seem

to

think is

it very

worth

dissimulation simulation

often
able allow-

necessary,
;

sometimes
be

which,
and

to

you,

is

pleases them, may injurious to nobody.

merit,
or

it

useful

TRIFLES.
make

"

Great

great failings,will

trifles, despised ; but respected or done, or little attentions, mere nothings, either liked, diseither liked or neglected, will make you amine Exof the world. the in general run such and like such yourself, why you and others such and such people, and dislike ;
you you
will find that very those different sentiments Moral in but and virtues and

proceed
are

from

the

foundation
in graces

of

friendship
and

slight causes. of society particular;

both adorn

general,

attentions,

manners,

strengthen

them. DIGNITY MANNERS. There

OF

"

is

certain
tc

dignity

of

manners

absolutely

necessary,

226

GOOD

MANNERS.

make

even

the

most

valuable

character

either

respected or respectable. fits loud Horse-play, romping, frequent and and indiscriminate of laughter, jokes, waggery, and knowledge familiarity, will sink both merit into at They compose a degree of contempt.
most
never
a

merry

fellow

and

merry

fellow Indiscriminate

was

yet

respectable
offends

man.

familiarity
dubs
you

either

their

your dependant, and

superiors, or else It led captain.

troublesome
A and is is
near

gives
akin

your

inferiors
claims

just
and

but

improper
to
a

of
:

equality
neither Whoever upon and made

joker
of
is them

buffoon
to

th?
or

least

related

wit.

admitted
account

sought
than

for, in company,
of his merit but

any

other

that

manners,
use

is

never

respected there,
have

only
he
a

of.

We
we

will will

such-a-one,
such-a-one have

for
to

sings prettily;
ball, for
at

invite
we

he

dances

well;
he

will

such-a-one and he drink

supper,
we

for
will

is
ask
or are

always
another,
because

joking
because
he
can

laughing; plays deep

a

at

all games, These

great
of
is

deal.

vilifying distinctions,
and

mortifying
esteem

exclude
is

all had

ideas

preferences, and regard.

Whoever

(as it
any will
one

for
that

the

sake

of

called) in company, thing singly, is singly

in any be considered never thing, and other never respected, let light ; consequently his merits be what they will.

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS.

ETC.

227

DANCING. the and sake of

"

Learn

to

dance,

not

so

much

for

to

dancing, as for coming into a room, presenting yourself genteelly and fully. gracewhom Women, ought to endeavor you forgive a vulgar and awkward please, cannot
and

air

gestures;
e^

il ieur
c.

faut

du like

brillant.

The and
are

generality of equally taken

THE A VULGAR

men

are

pretty
same

them,

by

the

exterior

graces.

MAN.

"

TRIFLES.

"

VULGARISM.

"

is captious and jealous ; eager vulgar man trifles. He self himand impetuous about suspects to be slighted, thinks everything that is said if the him meant at to happens company ; laugh, he is persuaded they laugh at him ; he and something testy, says grows angry very draws himself into a impertinent, and scrape, what calls he a by showing spirit, proper A and of fashion does man asserting himself.
not

suppose

himself

to

be

either

the

sole

or or

principal
words that he is he of is

object
the

of

the

thoughts,
and
or never

looks,
at,

company ; either slighted that seldom ill-bred he

suspects
unless if it.

laughed
the do the

conscious very
or
care

deserves

And
company

(which
is does
so

absurd
not

happens) to enough
unless
to

either,
insult

he be of

twopence,

gross

and kind.

plain
As

as

require
is above

satisfaction

another
ne'rer

he and

trifles,
them

he
;

is

vehement

eager

about

and,

228

GOOD

MANNERS.

wherever
than

they wrangles.
savors

are

concerned,
A

rather man's the

acquiesces
conversation of

always
education his

vulgar strongly of
company.

lowness

his

and

It

turns

chiefly

the affairs, his servants, he order keeps in his own family, and the little of the all which anecdotes he neighborhood ; relates with emphasis, as interesting matters. He is a man gossip. in language is the tinguishi disnext, and Vulgarism

domestic

upon excellent

characteristic
a

of
man

bad of

bad

education.
more

A
care

company, fashion

and

avoids

nothing with expressions,

of the
that and
as

than

that.
are

Proverbial
the

and of in
a

trite

rhetoric
men

sayings, vulgar man.

tastes,
he

flowers
he say,

Would both

differ that

their

supports

adorns
he

opinion, by the good old saying, respectfully calls it, that what is one man's
is another man's

meat

poison.
as

attempts
he

being

smart,

he

calls

anybody it,upon him,

If

he does. lie tit for tat, ay, that gives them favorite word has for the time always some for the sake of using often, he being, which, Such abuses. as vastly vastly angry, commonly Even and kind, vastly handsome, vastly ugly. carries of proper words the his pronunciation He the of the mark beast it. calls along with earth yeartli ; he is obleiged, not obliged to you. He such to -wards, and towards not a place. goes He of sometimes affects hard words, by ^ay

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
he A
man

ETC.

229

ornament, learned
recourse
uses

which
woman.

always
of and words

mangles
fashion
never

like
has

to

proverbs,
favorite
care

vulgar
nor

aphorisms
words
;

neither

hard

but

takes

great

to

speak
to

very

grammatically, is, according to

MIXED
mixed
Dart
to

and the

pronounce
of the

usage

correctly and properly j that best companies.

PEDANTS.
to

COMPANY, companies,
them
a

LEARNING,
whoever
the time
at

"

In

is admitted

make

of be

is, for

least, supposed

the rest footing of equality with ; and, consequently, as there is no one principal and object of awe respect, people are apt to in their take a behavior, and to greater latitude less upon their ne guard ; and so they may, vided procertain it be within which are bounds, occasion to be no But, upon transgressed. upon is entitled tinguishe these to disoccasions, though no one of respect, every marks one claims, mark of civilityand and good very justly, every Ease is allowed, but carelessness breeding. and If are negligence strictly forbidden. a and talks accosts to you man ever so dully you, than or frivolously, it is worse rudeness, it is tion inattenhim, by a manifest brutality, to show upon
to
or
a

what

he

blockhead,
more so

says, and

that
not

you worth
to

think

him

fool

much

with

regard
are,
are

whatever

rank

they

It is hearing. of women ; who, entitled, in consi-

230

GOOD

MANNERS.

deration
but
an

of

their

sex,

officious

good
FRIENDS.

only breeding
not

to

an

attentive,
men.

from

Too

READY

"

Be

upon

against those, who,

obtrude their

upon very unasked

guard slight acquaintance,

your
and

unmerited

confidence for they friendship and you; upon them with probably cram only for their you same eating: but, at the time, do not own that roughly reject them general supposition. upon Examine whether those further, and see offers flow heart from and warm a unexpected and a a designing head a silly head, or from cold heart and often the folly have ; for knavery
same

symptoms.
in Jn
to

In

the

first valeant case,

case,

there

is

no

danger
possunt.
to
seem

accepting them,
the latter

quantum
it
may
to

valere useful the

be

accept
him
an

them,
who

and raised

artfully
it.

turn

battery
There

upon is

iricontinency of friendship among associated are tual fellows, who by their muyoung has, very frequently, pleasures only ; which A bad hearts, parcel of warm consequences. und heads, heated by convivial unexperienced and mirth, wine, possibly a little too much the eternal and time, at really mean vow, other, and indiscreetly pour friendships to each
out

their least

whole
reserve.

souls These
as

in

common,

and
are

without
as

the

confidences
were

discreet innew

repealed,

they

made:

for

232

GOOD

MANNERS.

unsuspected.
it is fatal.

The

least

Nothing
and
are,

speck degrades

or

blemish vilifies
and in all

upon
:more,
tempt. con-

and

fur

it

excites
There

unites

detestation
wretches

however,
to
;

the

world
of
are

profligate enough
good
and there
are

explode
maintain

notions

moral

and and

evil

to

that upon

they
the
:

merely

local,

depend
of

entirely
more

customs

fashions

different

countries
able unaccount-

nay,

still, if possible,
;

wretches

mean,

those

who

affect

to

and infamous such absurd preach and propagate them themselves. notions, without believing These the devil's Avoid, as are hypocrites. of such much possible, the company as people; of reflect and discredit who a degree infamy

upon
may,

all

who

converse

with

them.

But

as

you such

sometimes,
take

by
great
no seem or

accident,
care

fall
no

into

company,
no ever

that

complaisance,
festal

good-humor,
make
to

warmth
even

of
to

mirth,
much trines. docnor so

you

acquiesce,
infamous
not
a

less

approve On the serious it

:

applaud,
hand
;

such do upon

other

debate,

enter

into
below

argument,
but that have would sure,
content

subject
with
are

much these

yourself
know
a

telling
not

apostiles,
that
than
are

you

they
better you have
not

serious;
of them you

you

much have

opinion
;

they
very

and

that,
the

they
But

would

doctrine

they preach.

put your

practise private

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,

ETO.

233

mark

upon

them,

and

shun

them

for

ever

wards. after-

LAZY

PEOPLE

"

DESPATCH

How
"

TO

READ.

"

Many

people lose a great deal of their time by loll and in a laziness great 3hair, ; they yawn tell themselves that time not to begin they have it will do that well as other ananything then, and
time. and This the is
a

most

unfortunate
obstruction
to

sition, dispoboth

greatest

and business. At knowledge your age, you have claim I have, if to laziness no right nor : I please, being emwitus. You but are just listed in the world, and must be active, diligent, ing commandindefatigable. If ever you propose with must to it with serve dignity, you up what diligence. Never put off till to-morrow do to-day. can you and Despatch is the soul of business nothing ; contributes to method. more despatch, than method for everything, and stick Lay down a far as unexpected incidents to it inviolably, as allow. Fix certain hour and one day in may the for your week and gether tokeep them accounts, in their which order means proper ; by they will require very little time, and can you
never

be you

much

cheated.

Whatever and that

one.

letters up in

and their

papers

keep, docket respective classes, so

recourse

tie them
you

may
down

instantly
a

have

to

any

Lay

method

234

GOOD

MANNERS.

also
certain

for

your
share and

reading,
of
your

for

which

mornings
unmethodical
read scraps

you let it ; and

manner,

allot
be
not

a a

in

consistent
that

consecutive
and

course,

in in

desultory
many upon short

which

people
different

of

different
a

authors,
and
to

subjects.
book of

Keep
what

useful

common-place
memory

you

read,

only, and not for pedantic Never read history without having and chronological book, or tables, lying a maps, and to ; without constantly recurred by you, which history is only a confused heap of facts. I recommend One method to you, more by which help your quotations.
I have

found

great
of my
hour have
an

benefit,
life
;

even

in

the

most

dissipated part
and
soever

that

at

the you
secures or

same

every
sat

may you

up

is, to rise early, late morning, how the night before.

two,
common

This

hour

or

at

least, of
ruptions inter-

reading

reflection, before

the

begin ; and morning constitution, by forcing you your night in three. early, at least one
of the AIM HIGH.
Aim
"

it will
to

save

go

to

bed

at

perfection
at

in

everything,
5

tliDugh in they
come

most

things
aim

it is unattainable

ever, how-

who
nearer

much

it, than
make
tamen

will it, and persevere, laziness those, whose

and

despondency
of

them

give
excidit

it
ausis

up

as

attainable. una

Magnis

is
a

gree de-

praise

\\hich

will

always

attend

noble

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
and

ETC.

235

and
in
a

shining
young

temerity,
fellow,

much

better

sign
tutus

than

serpere

humi,
men,
as

nimium
as women.

timidusque

procellce, for

well

A
no one

TRUTH. feels be you yon.

"

Pleasure
who does

is
not

it.

To

pleases
them in

pleased, one in others,

necessarily reciprocal ; time at the same give must please. What will in general please

LEARNED

IGNORANCE. the world

will very

"

man

of

the does and

best
not

parts, and
know the

greatest

by
be

his

learning, if he own experience

absurd in
;

servatio ob-

very

and He

quently, conse-

unwelcome

company.

may

say
so

good things ; but very ill timed, misplaced, or

he had
own

they will probably be improperly addressed,

hold his

that of

much

better and

his

matter,
the

uninformed

tongue. of,
it

Full
or

tentive inatsitu

to, the
ations
:

particular
company,
some

circumstances
he
vents

and

of he

nately indiscrimi;

puts
others
come

he what rule

shocks may that your

people out of countenance and frightens all, who

next.

dread

out

The

most

which
truth

give experience
can

you will

for

the

general world, and

you

convince the them

tone

of the
pany, com-

of, is, Never

but
to

to

give
from

to

the
to

take them

it in

and

labor

more

to

put
make

conceit

with you.

themselves,
Those whom

than

to

them

admire

236

GOOD

MANNERS.

you

can

make

like like
you I

themselves
very

better, will,

promise
SMALL

you,
TALK. you

well.

"

am

far

from

always be of books, in of matters history, and company, There which are knowledge. companies many such will, and ought to keep, where versations conyou be would and misplaced ill-timed; must own pany, distinguish the comgood sense your
this,
and triflers
;

that

should

meaning by talking wisely,

the be those

time.

You

must

trifle

with

and
to

serious who
?
more was

but
Cato
man

dance
severe
:

venisti

the only with serious, Our in theatrum pipe. old justly said to an
so

how age ? and

much

would

it be
that your

to

one

of
are

your
with

From
go

the

moment

you

dressed,
your

out, pocket
and
never

all

knowledge
out

watch,

unless unasked

desired: that the make is

a a

the

pull it producing
are

in the

pany comone

of

implies
and

you

weary

of
the

the

company-,

producing
the

of

other of of its

will unrequired Company you.

company
too
even
as

weary

republic
dictator

jealous
for
in all
a

liberties,
of
an

to
;
some

suffer and

quarter
but then

hour
are

yet in that,
few
to

republics,
ing attemptin the and
j

there it is

who

really
that

by seeming
to

disclaim,
:

govern, instead of is the

usurp manners,

the

power

occasion

which

undefinable

je

ne

dexterity, address, sais quoi triumph

if

pro-

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
is

ETC.

237

perly exerted, their more lasting for not

How composure
TO PLEASE.
"

conquest

sure,

and

tho

being perceived.
An

air,

tone to

of

voice,
and do

of

countenance
are

mildness

softness, which

all

easily acquired,
farther

the and

"business; and possibly with

without the

examination,

qualities, that man is reckoned the gentlest, the modestest, and the alive. the best natured man who, man Happy with fund certain of a knowledge, parts and with the world to early enough gets acquainted make it his bubble, at when most an age ple peocontrary
are

the

bubbles
case

of of

the

world

1 for grow and

that wiser vexed

is

the when
at

common

youth.
:

They
ashamed

it is too
been last. and

late

and,
so

having
at

knaves

long, too often turn Do to not, therefore, trust pearances apoutside other yourself, but pay
bubbles
because mankind is you

people
that
trust
or

with in them.

them,
ten

nine
to

of
This

do,
no means

may and
a

be
ever

sure

will,
ill

by

criminal
an

blameable
I
to

simulation,
am

if not
means

used

with

intention.

by
other

no

blameable

in

desiring will, and

them. is sound, NOTHING

have

people's good
not
mean

word,
to

good
abuse
sense

affection, if I do
Your
and
BY

heart, I know,
your

is

good,

your

knowledge
HALVES.
"

extensive.

Whatever
moment

business
you canj

you

have,

do

it

the

first

238

GOOD

MANNERS.

never

by
if

halves, possible.
with
to

but

finish

it without
must not

tion, interrupsauntered
say
to

Business
;

be
not

and
as season

trilled Felix I

and

you
"at
to

must
a more

it,

did
will
season

Paul,
for

convenient
The
most
venient con-

speak

thee." is

business,
in
to
a some man

study
out

and
own

business,
times

first; but point measure,

of
sense

the

their

time

squandered away choice and methods improper and pleasures.

FORMATION young
man so OF

is much

oftener

in

the

wrong

of

amusement

MANNERS. much
as

Nothing being used

"

forms
to

keep
a

respectable and constant regard

It is true,
restraint
;

superior
and first
a

company, is attention

where

necessary.
state

this but easy

is at

disagreeable
habitual
are

of
sequently con-

it
;

soon

grows

and

and

you you

amply
and

paid
the

for

it,

by
it

improvements gives you.

LEFT-HANDEDNESS. attitudes
"

the

make,

credit

An

awkward

address,
and
a

graceful un-

and

actions,
use

certain

left-handedness

(if I

may

that

word)

loudly

for and low education proclaim low company ; that it is impossible to man can a suppose without have having frequented good company, air and catched at least, of their something, is distinguished A raised motions. man new he must but in a regiment by his awkwardness ;

240

GOOD
*

MANNERS.

MAXIMS.

"

I
as

never

think
I think it I

my

time

so

well your
gether, to-

employed, advantage.
for
to

when
In that use,

employed
have maxims

to

view,
the

thrown

your
for

following
observations
merit
;
as

; or,
on men

and

speak more things ;

;

properly,
I have
no

to

the

tion invenof

am

no

system-monger
to

giving
consulted

way my

my

and, I imagination,
;

instead
have

only
are

memory
have

and
not

my

conclusions

all

drawn

from

facts,

from

maxim-mongers the justness

truth that
;

my confirm.

preferred the the the of a thought, and turn to refused I have but myself to everything own experience did not justify and

Most fancy. prettiness to

A
men

is the secrecy is the only ; mystery

PROPER

only mystery
secrecy of

of able and

weak

cunning A
MAN

ones.

who

equally
IF
a

have fool

nothing, or nothing told him.

knows
;
a a

tells

who

tells

will all,

secret,

he

tells
one, tell

it
he

because tells
it

he

is

fool
it and

if is

knave

knows
to
are

wherever
women,

his

interest
men,

it.

But
to

young

very
the
none

apt

tell

what

secrets

they
can

know,

from
Trust

having
whenever

been

trusted.

vanity of of these,
be it

you

help
to

it.

INATTENTION

the

present

business,

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,

ETC.

241

what
at

it will
same

the

doing
of

one

thing;, and

the do

time

another,
;
are

to

two

signs
A

of
MAN

things at once little,frivolous

who and
a
man can

thinking the or attempting the never-failing

mind. his should The

cannot

command

temper,
not

his

attention,
of
in

his of

countenance,

think
man

being
the

business.
avail himself

weakest

world

of the
man

passion
know do

of

ihe
the And may them.

wisest.

The and
cannot
as

inattentive

cannot cannot

business,
he
even

consequently
command tell
his his

it.

who

countenance,
as

well

thoughts
love

show

DISTRUST upon
a

all
very

those

who

you
and

extremely
without

slight acquaintance,
reason.

any
all

visible

Be

upon
as

your

against those,
the IN your

who

confess,

their

guard, too, weaknesses,

cardinal

virtues. and in

friendships, your and confidence your

bounds
:

your

enmities, let
have
tain cer-

hostilities
the

make

not

former
There

dangerous,
are

nor

the

latter in

irreconcilable.

strange

vicissitudes

business
way
to
reason

SMOOTH
heart. is
so

your
The way

the
is

head
a

through
one

the but it
not

of

good
and

commonly
sure.

something
is

longer,

perhaps
word:

SPIRIT

now

very

fashionable

to

242

GOOD

MANNERS.

act to
man

with
act

to speak with spirit,means spirit, only, rashly, and to talk indiscreetly. An able his spirit by gentle words shows and lute reso:

actions
WHEN
a

he

is neither

hot

nor

timid.
to

man

of

sense

happens
which
once, he What

be

in

that
to

disagreeable
ask he
reason

situation, in
more

is

obliged
shall When

himself

than

1 do?

will

answer

points
no one

out

himself, Nothing. him to no good

less wait all bad for than

his
or

way,
he

at

least

way
and
at

another,
A be

will

stop
mind

short,
runs a on

light.
must

little

busy
;

events,
no

doing
because

and,
he

like
sees

blind

none.

horse, Ilfaut
is
a

fears
savoir

dangers, s'ennuyer.
rather

PATIENCE business his

seem

most
a man

; many

necessary would his

qualification for
request.
demands tedious

story,
to

than hear

granted
the and That
a

you One

heard
must

unreasonable
the

of

the

petulant, unmoved, the dull, untirod.

a man

details

of that

is the

least

price
and

must

pay

for

high
to

station.
a

always right perceive a folly ; but

IT

is

detect

fraud,

to

it is

often

expose
have have

either.

man

of business
j

to very wrong should always

his
them

eyes shut. is
a

open

but

must

often

seem

to

jargon, a chit-chat, a trifles ; and small turns talk, which singly upon little or in which, a great iiianj' words, says
THERE

fashionable

CHESTERFIELD'S

MAXIMS,
instead
sejise

ETC.

243

nothing.
cannot

It

stands and
men

fools
of

of instead

what of

they
what

It not they say. of levees, drawing-rooms, is necessary WHATEVER

to

say, should

is the and

language proper it ante-chambers:

know

it. is bred
;

man

at

court,
cloak

he

must
covers

be
as

genteel
many knew
a

and

well

that

follies,as
man

that

of

of

great

charity does in quality, and

and

sins.
a

great
whose

station

at

court,
character

considered
was,

respected,
he
was

highest
proud,
IT

that

humbly

and

genteelly
to

dull. which

is hard
tells
at
as

say whole

is

the
or as can

greatest
he who

fool
no

he

who

the

truth,
is
man

tells

truth

all. in

Character
trade.

business in
either. THERE

No

necessary deceive

in

often

are

some

occasions
in
one

in
to

which
conceal
a
man

man

must rest
:

tell half
but tell

his

secret,

order in

the

there it all.
to

is seldom

which

should know how

Great
arid

skill
to

is necessary

to

far

go,

where

stop.
more

AWKWARDNESS
than it is

is

real
to

disadvantage
V
"

generally

thought

be

it

often

ac-

casions
A

ridicule, it always
own

lessens

dignity.
his best
rity secu-

MAN'S

good

against

ither

breeding people's ill

is
manners.

244

GOOD

MANNERS.

GOOD that
is

BREEDING

carries

along
the
most

with

respected
invites
and
most

by
No
of

breeding
of
the

authorizes
man

dignity, Ill petulant. the familiarity

a

it

timid. Duke
civil
one

ever

said No
a

pert
man

thing
ever

to

the
a

said
to

one)

Sir

Robert

Marlborough. (though many Walpole.

flattering

KNOWLEDGE

see

give weight, but only give lustre; and many than weigh.
may
arts

accomplishments more people

require long study and the most useful but of all, that art requires only the desire.
IT
sense,

MOST

application of pleasing,

is to
who
at

be

presumed,
not ;

that
to

man

of

common thing no-

does

desire he
must

please,
that

desires he

all

since

know it.
will

cannot

obtain A

anything
SKILFUL

without

negotiator
between the and
as

most

little will will be be

and
as

the

tinguish carefully disgreat objects

and open

of
in

his the

business,

frank
and

former,
in the

he

secret

cious pertinaand
his

latter.

He
at

will, bv
*/

his make

manners

address, endeavor,
adversaries
and the minds engage minister

least,
while
will
never

to

public
flatter

his
the
;

personal
man,

friends.
he

He

will

counterworks

and

he

alienate

people's
points,

from

him,

by

wrangling

for

CHESTERFIELD'S
either

MAXIMS,

ETC.

245

absolutely unattainable, He will make even attaining.

he could not up, what sell a trifle for a thousand THE Due de that that from
a sum or

or
a

not

worth

merit
not

of

giving
and

would times

carry, its value.

Memoirs,
rise, than
observed

Sully observes very nothing contributed prudent economy his youth ; and by
of money

justly,
more

in
to

his his
had had

which
which in

he he
case

always
IT

beforehand,

of

emergencies.
is very
;

difficult
the best

to

fix

the of

particular point
the
two

of economy

error

is

on

the the

parsimonious
other THE
cannot.

side.

That

may

be

corrected,

reputaton

01

generosity

is

to be
so

purchased
much upon
to

cheap ; it does not man's a general expense, where giving handsomely

pretty
at

depend
as

upon
his

it

does

it is

all.

man,

for

instance,
would him
:

proper should who pass

give

give
covetous,

servant

four he

shillings
gave
so

for

while reckoned those

who
generous

crown

would

be

that

the

difference
upon

of
one

two

opposite

characters in

turns

character, shilling. A man's the depends a great deal upon

servants ;
a mere

that

particular,
his
own

report of
common

trifle

above

wages

makes TAKE
so

their
care

report

favorable.
to

always
within

form

your
as

ment establishto

much

your

income,

leave

246

GOOD

MANNERS.

sufficient

fund

for

unexpected
There in

contingencies,
is

and

prudent
in any man's

liberality.
life,
not

hardly
small
sum

year,

which be

of

ready

money

may

employed

to

great

advantage.

THE

END