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The jYeWllpap6 of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society
Inside
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About the
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Because It's
Midterm Week
Extra Special "I always thought Shannon was better in Heathers anyway" Issue
Page 2
... ,:: .
Keener John Kasunj.c
Stephen Ktngsley-Jones
N.E.A.C.
Marc Ouellette
Chandra Plumb
Fidel Reijetse
Clare Stewart
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Iron Warrior IV
Prez Spews
by Fidel Reijerse
For those of you that read my spews
last week, you will have been under
the impression that the Federation of
Students' Endowment Committee had
agreed to partial fund the pilot project
of bike lockers. They agreed to assist
Security with a $7000
grant. Needless to
say this was my
impression as well
since I has present at
the meeting in the
summer when the
students agreed to
the funding.
Unbeknownst to me,
was that the
Management Board
decided to defer the
funding until further
alternatives had been
explored. This grave lack of commu-
nication could have caused enormous
problems had the project already been
started. The decision to defer the
money came at a meeting on July 29,
and I was only informed after last
weeks article! I attended a meeting of
this board last Thursday to explain
how over the period of eighteen
months, we had looked at many alter-
Dear Marc & Autumn land we assume
Brent, though she didn't actually specify
him ... -d.]
I apologize for being conSistently late
with my spews. However, this week,
midterm week at that, I have made an
extra special effort to be on time.
Actually, at this very moment I
should be in class. Enjoy,
VP External
Spews
by Clare Stewart
First I must start with an apology and

natives and that only this alternative
was feasible. They listened carefully
and then waited until I had left to dis-
cuss the issue. They decided to turn
down the funding.
This raises some very serious con-
cerns. Firstly, I am rather upset that
they will be starting over and rein-
venting the wheel, after eighteen
months of discussion with the
needed.
Administration
and various
companies.
Sincerely think
that they will
not have the
time to offer the
students a solu-
tion, that is any
different that
what we are
currently offer-
ing, though a
few years and
committees
later may be
My second concern is the most impor-
tant. If we look at this from a stu-
dents stand point, irregardless of the
proposal, we run into a few ethical
questions regarding the spending of
students' money. The Fed
Spills over to page 3
a correction to my spews from the last
issue. The CRO for the upcoming
elections does indeed have a last
name. His name is John Mogk, and
he is a member of the 2A Mech class.
Nomination forms will be available in
the Orifice beginning Wednesday
November 4,1992 and are due in by
12 noon on Friday November 13,
1992. The voting will take place on
Tuesday November 24,1992.
During my term as VPX of Eng Soc, I
have been working on improving the
resources we have available for the
Promotion of Engineering. A new
idea in the works is the "Eng Soc
Flyer". The flyer is being designed to
provide a readily available source of
information that can be distributed to
any interested party; high school stu-
dents, parents, other universities, fac-
ulty, advertising clients, the media,
and the general public.
The format will be a simple one, and
it will be printed on stock paper so as
to achieve a professional looking pre-
sentation. The flyer will contain infor-
mation on the Society as a whole, and
how we function.
If anyone has suggestions of some-
thing they would like to see included
in the flyer, please drop me a note or
speak with me. If you would be inter-
ested in seeing the Draft version of the
flyer, just ask.
of ,;, t.he '"
$:ity of wattldQo .

Iron Warrior are those of
and do not
refiec\ the opm-
tons of the
name,
and phone.
nUmbr should be Includ-
Society.
The Iron WarTlor encour-
ages submissions lrom Stu-
dent$-, f<l.<.'I.dty and other
members of the unl\'t'l'Slty
community. Submissions
should rellect the r'oncems
and intelleclual standards
ed.. /-
.::
All submlssions.unless
otherwlse stated. beeome
the property of The Iron
Warrior, which ['.. serVe$ the
light to r('fus(' publication
.of mateIia! which iI deems
un uHable. The Iron
WarrIor also r('serves the
right to edit
spelUng <U1d portions of text
thal do ,not l1)<>et tUllvcrsUy
Iq:mWa,rnor
Engineetin/-t Soctet,,'l
CPH t327
Uruvel'$ity QfWaterioo
WATERLOO'. Ontario
N2L3Gl
phooe.: L5l9) 8884762
fa.\,:; (519J 8886191
e-Ill.,,1.(J:
engsoc@8unee.waterloo. cdu
October 30, 1992
VP Half a
Bruno Gerussi,
A Giant Elwy
Yost, and a
Bottle of the
President's
Choice
"Memories of
Singapore"
Passion Fruit
Glaze Spews
VP Internal
Dry Heaves
by Stephen Kingsley-Jones
My apologies, I'm too busy failing my
midterms to write an article.
October 30. 1992
Prez's spew
spilled over from page 2
Endowment is set up such that the
proposals are presented to the
Endowment Committee, which was
modeled after our Funding Council.
These students are the representatives
for their area of the student popula-
tion. It is here that the funding deci-
sions are made. So far we have stu-
dents spending student money, and
that makes sense. The decision then
goes to the Management Board which
is made up of 6 administrators from
the University and 7 students. Here
the decision is scrutinized and, in this
case one of the decisions was over-
turned. Now all of a sudden we have
a SELECT group of students and
ADMINISTRATORS who actually
spend the STUDENTS money! This I
feel is a serious ethical problem that
needs to be rectified.
In the WEEF, we have a Board of
Directors, wh()se responsibility is to
assist the WEEF Director in handling
the legal, constitutional, and financial
arrangements for the fund. They also
act in an advisory capacity and make
sure that all the proposals fall within
the directive of the endowment, as set
out by the students. If a funding deci-
sion is found to be flawed for it does
not follow the spirit of the WEEF then
the Funding Council will be asked to
review its decision, and if this still
results in an incorrect decision then
the Board may act on these grounds
to veto part of the decision.
The Fed's Management Board on the
other hand, seems to have violated
th ir own directive and that is that the
student money will be spent by the
s tudents. At the Endowment
Committee meeting in question, the
bike locker project was strongly sup-
Iron Warrior IV Page 3
ported by the students, who indicated
by vote, that they wished the $7000 to
be spent on the lockers. This decision
is made by the students who volun-
teer many hours to sift through all the
proposals. Are they to assume that all
the work that is put into this, can be
rendered futile by one sweep of the
Management Board's hand? Is it then
true that this cross section of the stu-
dents does not comprehend the needs
of the students nearly as well as the
few students and administrators on
the Management Board? I feel that
not only has the Management Board
violated their own directive in favour
of their own omnipotent behaviour,
but they have also insulted all those
student volunteers on the
Endowment Committee.
This type of behaviour is noticeable
throughout the process. At the
Endowment Committee meetings
there was a distinct biased expressed
by both John Leddy, the paid chair
and Peter Hopkins, the Associate
Provost of Student Affairs on the
majority of the project proposals that I
witnessed. It is my understanding
that these people are present for con-
sultation and advice, concerning the
projects, but I would like to empha-
size, let the students spend the money
and keep your opinions to yourself!
One of the most disturbing facts that
comes from such a decision is that the
precedent has been set, under the
supervision of a Federation Executive
that has expressed on a number of
occasions, their mandate to give the
students the power over their territo-
ry. What has transpired, com letely
goes against the grain of fhelr man-
date. It is time for the students ask
who really is represented by the Feds,
the students or the administration?
Bobbie, this week's Sunshine Thing, is really into formal wear and likes to slith-
er and slide about. Residing in the icy southeastern tundra of UW, Bobbie
hangs out in the Orifice pretending to be bored, but really lights up when t1,le
lights go out. Some may call Bobbie cold, but everyone in the Orifice knows
better.
The optimistic view
Dear Editors: Due to the inflammato-
ry nature of the following article, I
will not be offended if you decide not
to print it.
by Chandra Plumb
the ducks on campus, play marbles,
spray Impulse all over your body and
then, on a whim, buy yourself flow-
ers, skip class and hitchhike to
Niagara Falls, steal that sign you've
r th ,t i w ks, i k
up all the half dried worms after it
rains and put them back in the grass
so they don't die.
Nothing of Importance
It's 1:30 A.M., Tuesday October 20,
1992 and I am breathing statistics.
Yes, don't midterms just suck? But
let's get to the point. I know thl'rl" S a
lot of issues Lo discuss. World
hunger, Canada is falling apart, th'
economy sucks, the crim rate contin-
ues to rise, too much schoolwork, too
many exams, too many lousy profs
(actually mine arc coo!), it's loo cold,
men/women are scum, blah blah
blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah.
Frankly, I disagre . Ok, so I'm an
eternal optimist. it's a beautiful day
no matter what the weather ib like.
Yeah, exams suck, but they'll be over
soon, just like this term will be, and
next term and soon your whole life!
It's no use complaining because if you
do actually ever solve all your prob-
lems, you'll just get a whole new load
of replacements anyways. You just
have to eat more ic cream cones, roll
down hills, hang out with all the
keeners for a week, make love in a
hammock (you'll recognize that one if
you saw The Sure Thing), name all
Why ,lin I tlw only Il'rMlIl I know th,1l
owns i\ bdt with ,I huge' mll ...,y f,le\'
buckl ,? It imyC))\' ,1st, has lHI ' ph'ase
get in IOll ch. I bought fUY smile y bdl
at the ,(lodwill a fl'w year ' <Igo illld
have be 'n surpri 'ed to find that I'vl..'
never seen anyone e1s with one.
Maybe it's {rom till' 60's. Mayo ..., 1
belong in thl' 60's, whcn cwrything
was aquamarine (,Hluamarinc), "nd
flow 'rNi, and <Ill about Jove and
p 'ace and wh 'n gay meant h<lppy.
Mayb 1 should stop before th yomI.'
to Lake me away (he' hee, ha h<l, ho
ho, to the funny farm, wh re very-
thing is .... ). Well that's how I feel.
Like I must be insane because I don't
feel like complaining anymore. Yes,
the truth is out. My life sucks as,
much as anybody else's, but I think
it's great. No, this is not a joke. Oh
yes, and SAVE THE WORMS.
At approximately 3:20 A.M., a murder
scene was discovered at the Church of
the Sacrificial Goat, AKA the Ryerson
Engineering Society office. The scene
appears to be the site of a ram sacri-
fice, could it be Ryerson's famed mas-
cot?
Witnesses report an extremely hard
and long pipe wrench was observed
near the office. As well, numerous
stickers with the cryptic phrase
"Engineering-University of Waterloo"
written on them appeared mysteri-
ously all over campus (even in the
Dean's office).
At the time of the discovery the next
of kid had not yet been notified. The
police are involved in the investiga-
,;
JoL.\tJ KA. SU N \ C
hon to determine who the culprits
were. Naturally, the Ryerson
Kampus Kops are extremely interest-
ed and yet did nothing to question
anyone in the area at the time. We at
Waterloo can feel very safe knowing
that our campus cops are on the job.
Within two minutes of returning to
campus we were questioned about
our motives for being in the buildings
at 6:00 am.
Of course since none of this actually
happened and nobody left Waterloo
with any stickers, then this is just a
good story. But next time you see a
Ryerson engineer, tell them how great
the goat stew was.
LAST
I
,-'5 JUST
SC/l..EW

Page 4
DearIW:
I can appreciate and even almost
understand the feelings conveyed in
the Rapists Beware article in your last
issue. Sexual assault is one of the
worst things a human being can do to
another human being. It is certainly
the most degrading and dehumaniz-
ing.
The concept of revenge is a very nor-
mal reaction. Someone commits an
offense, so you kill that person out of
your rage. Sure, sexual offense is not
a crime committed by men against
women; rather it is a crime committed
by some people against society. But,
unless it happens to you, what real
pain do you feel? What trauma do
you suffer? What agony do you go
through? The pain felt by those
around the victim, while real to them,
is absolutely a minimum compared to
that of the victim, simply because
nothing has happened to them.
Usually, the victim's loved ones are
angry at themselves for not being
there, or the police or witnesses for
not stopping it. Sometimes they are
even angry with the victim for "allow-
ing" themselves to be put in that posi-
tion. So you are upset and you kill
the offender and that makes you feel
better; that is where it stops for you.
But it would not stop for me, or most
of the other victims of sexual abuse I
know. We have to live with it every
day, hoping that tomorrow will be
easier. There are times when some-
thing will happen that will make me
have a flashback that will seem so real
that a room even smells the same as
the rooms did where the abuse
occurred. Revenge by someone else
would not change that, trust me. My
attacker died a horrible death, a death
that for me was most gratifying, but it
did not stop my pain. Dying actually
let him off the hook, it would be far
better if he was forced to endure the
same amount of anguish as I have. So
what is the point of violently seeking
revenge? It will not help the victim if
you do it.
DearIW:
I recently wrote a letter to , "Jeff and
Akbar", the editors of the
Enginewsletter. In this letter, I men-
tioned the striking similarity (actually
the identicalness) of the cartoons in
the Enginewsletter and the cartoons
in Matt Groening's Life in Hell books.
I suggested that in future
Enginewsletters, Matt Groening's
name should remain where he put it -
at the top of each of his cartoon strips.
I guess I was a little to harsh on "Jeff
and Akbar" because they never print-
ed my letter, and they continue to
shamelessly remove Matt Groening's
Iron Warrior IV October 30. 1992
So if you think you are angry and
have a reason to be, try being in my
shoes for a while. I was a little boy
and little boys are easily overpow-
ered. What could I do? There is no
way of knowing the helplessness,
unless you are there. Now that I am a
man, my humiliation has become
even greater. Now I am big and
strong enough to fend off anything,
but it does me no good. It certainly is
not socially acceptable to be male and
be a victim. Society has conditioned
everyone to believe men are perpetra-
tors. So every time I see someone get
off an elevator, or cross the street out
of some imagined fear of being
attacked by me, not because I look
dangerous, but because I am a man, it
only makes me feel more pain and
anger. This anger is only increased by
the bureaucracy at this university,
which refuses to believe there is any-
thing wrong with me because there
are no visible scars. I don't sleep at
night because I have dreams that con-
stantly wake me up. Sometimes I talk
in my sleep, so I stay awake, lest any-
one find out what I more ashamed of
than anything else. Once it happens,
you live in fear. You are afraid people
can look at you and tell and that they
will think of you differently once they
know. You certainly are afraid that it
will happen to someone you know
and mostly you are afraid that no one
could love you if they knew.
I think that whoever you are, you
should grow up and realize you are
not being are hero, or a help. You are
only satisfying your own selfish inter-
ests. You coula really help by being
understanding and compassionate
toward the victim instead of being
harles Bronson. Anger is too con-
suming and dangerous. The best
thing to do is just accept that it hap-
pened because you cannot change it.
You don't have to like it, but you do
have to live with it. You should also
pray that there are no more victims
because no one should have to go
through life always living in fear.
-Anonymous
name from each cartoon they steal.
However, after reading the last
Enginewsletter, I have had a change
of heart. Now I would like to plead
with "Jeff and Akbar" to photocopy
Groening's or anyone else's work,
with or without the original author's
name. Cram the Enginewsletter with
plagiarized materials! But please,
please, please don't write anything
else yourselves! At least this way the
Enginewsletter will be funny.
Ron Butler,
2B Systems
DearIW:
We wish to set Suzanne Boileau and
your readers straight with regard to
the performance of the BullDawgs
team in the recent Scunt. Most of us
had nothing to prove, our only inten-
tion being to have fun. For the rest of
the team, it was a warm up for the
next B-Soc scunt and also an opportu-
nity to have fun.
The team was a composed of a num-
ber of veterans from Chug,
Mechanical Bulls, Bad Ohmen, and
even a couple of members of the
Chemmunist Party. The team also
included members from three classes
which had previously won and run a
successful Scunt: What, Hammer &
Screw, and the Dawgs (Chug has won
a Scunt, but are yet to run one). To
say that these people need more expe-
rience is far from the truth.
For those of you who do not know, a
successful Scunt is one with trivia lists
already printed, audio cassettes ready
to go, a Toronto road trip list bigger
than twenty-nine pages (Dawgs' was
over 150, and What's and Hammer &
Screw's were in the same range), a
header on the lists other than some
guy's Watstar ID, original trivia lists
(not Asyd's), a bar run, no complain-
ing about needing money to break
even - none of the above teams even
came close or even worried, that is
not the point - and finally a successful
Scunt does not have invited members
of the local constabulary at judging,
nor does it have members of the
bureaucracy at opening ceremonies.
(in case you missed them, they were
at the doors at the top of EL 101, in
tacky polyester shirts, and tacky
oafers and lots of gold chains, Fidel
knows the ones we mean).
Needless to say, we had nothing to
learn, so our only purpose, as men-
tioned was to have fun and perhaps
help someone else win, mainly so we
could drink their beer. Unfortunately,
some members of the (Dumb) Frosh
team failed to capitalize on our gen-
erosity. To illustrate our worth, we
scored quite well on the London road
trip, partly by offending practically
everyone on the list, in spite of such
behaviour being far from normal for
any of our members.
As for Bulls and Dawgs fearing a IB
Systems class, we need not worry, for
we are B-Soc and hence need only
concern ourselves with those Frosh
who are in eight stream. From what
we have seen, we should have little
trouble disposing of them. Also, since
Chug is running the Scunt, and the
Dawgs have no desire to win, the
main competition will be between the
Bulls and the Bad Ohmen. By the
way, the Dawgs are probably joining
the Bulls, and so are key members
from Hammer & Screw. It might be
over already.
Regarding the Scunt Goddess who
was, shall we say, detained by Ohmie
the Clown, et aI, it was fairly obvious
to everyone that she rather enjoyed
the whole thing. As for it being a bad
move, we were only following direc-
tions. We were told to serenade a
Goddess, which we did, with the
famous Ohmie the Clown song (Y' all
weren't singing along, though). As
well, the Frosh received points for res-
cuing her; from what, we know not.
To the best of our recollections, it was
the Goddess who was not tied up
who made all the fuss. Perhaps she
forgot the theme of her own Scunt.
Perhaps she forgot to take her
Metamucil/Midol. Perhaps she had a
yeast infection (it is a B-Soc joke).
Perhaps she was jealous of all the
attention accorded her companion. I
guess we' ll never know - joke'em if
they can't take a fuck [sic].
Sincerely,
Troy and Murray Begley.
PS: We would have tied up a guy, if
given the chance, but we would not
have sung to him.
The Iron Warrior
Special Guest Star
DarkrooID
Technician.
A Volunteer Position, not
the Missionary Position.
,,' S 76
I J.I r..,p.. EA )oUR.. "-1 LLS
13 Y A FJ\clY<. OF 10,
October 30, 1992 Iron \\Tarrior IV Page 5
About the Bomber
by Chandra Plumb
Still celebrating the fact that a
Canadian baseball team has finally
won the World Series, I would just
petition and collects enough money to
bribe the DJ into not working. "Wow,
man, I've never been paid not to work
before. Thanks, this is really nice of
you guys," the DJ says. There was
like to make a
comment
about where I
watched the
game last
Saturday night.
I like the
Bomber. It's a
. .turns the whole ball of -
fish into a different kettle
of wax ...
much cheering
when he (final-
ly) turned the
music off.
Needless to
say, I think we
paid for his
nice place. But those of us who were
not in front of the big screen on this
historical occasion, but were viewing
the game on the little TVs on the other
side, ran into a bit of a problem with
the Bomber management. They were
taking stupid pills or something and
decided there was no reason why
they should turn off the music so we
could hear the commentator.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the
other side of this favourite hangout
spot, could hear just fine. Nice man-
agement. Brain dead? Maybe. Didn't
they know the only reason we were
all there that night was to see the most
exciting baseball game in Canadian
history? Duh. They had a DJ coming.
He get's paid $9.2S/hr or something.
So this girl went around to all the
tables and gets everyone to sign a
drinks that
night. Yeah, we were pretty insistent
and a little obnoxi01-lS, but you do
what you have to do. I think every-
one who was there can relate when I
say that I was totally shocked at the
way the Bomber management was
acting. Given the magnitude of the
events on screen ... maybe they don't
like baseball? Or just stupid? Or
what? Actually, I'm speechless. Isn't
the customer always right? When
100% of the people in your bar want
the music turned down so they can
watch a ball game, what's stopping
you? Just do it. Guess where I won't
be going to watch the next big game?
It starts with a B.
Yay for the Jays.
Message from a Dean con-
cerning Midterms
If you are worried about your Midterm marks,
I have a solution.
If the sum of your Midterm grades multiplied
by any integer greater than two equals 666, I'm
sure we can make a deal.
i.e., if
d(GRADES) * I = 666,
where I is an integer greater than 2.
It's your choice, but remember, I can make
your life a living hell!
DEANF
Yay for the Jays
by Marc Ouellette
I have to sa that I am shocked,
appalled, dismayed and embarrass d
by the member of the Toronto Blue
Jays' bandwagon.
I am shocked that they claim to be
Canada's team. Sorry, that" auld be
the Boston Red So , if we went by fol-
lowing and the number of Canadians
on the team. See, people in the mar-
itimes are Red Sox fans because that i
the closest team to them. The Red
Sox, with Mike Gardner, of Samia,
and Paul Quantrill, of London, lead
the majors with two Canadians.
When the Expos have Matt Stairs and
Larry Walker in the lineup, they tie
for the lead. I guess I should not be so
shocked since to Tronnies, their city is
all of Canada anyway. They never
once stopped to think that perhaps
residents of western Ontario and
southern Manitoba are Braves or
Twins fans. The Braves used to play
in Milwaukee, but to Jays fans that
was before baseball was invented, er I
mean came to Hogtown.
I am totally appalled by the us versus
the Americans attitude so many took,
both fans and media alike.
Nationality has nothing to do with it.
To be quite honest the Americans do
not really care and that is probably
because they never realized they
shared North America with anyone in
the first place. Like a lot of people
from southwestern Ontario, especially
from London down, I am a Tigers fan.
Tigers fans hate the Jays, for the most
10 t. And do not try to deny it, either,
especially after the reaction after the
Alomar call at the plate, and the
alleg d triple play furor.
The di mayed part comes when I look
at the general lack of baseball knowl-
edge and respect which was exhibited
by those who jumped on the band-
wagon. Too much knowledge, a la
Tim McCarver is an awful thing, but
anybody who would boo Jack Morris
and cheer Kelly Gruber is a couple
fries short of a happy meal, plain and
Simple. In baseball you are doing
incredibly well if you win 60% of the
time. Counting the post season,
Morris won 70% of the time. Without
him, the Jays were only fifteen games
over .500. Gruber, on the other hand
is the highest paid .220 hitter in histo-
ry. Nuff said. To prove how bad the
media is, the CBC radio morning crew
from Toronto today (26 October)
made the claim that the Blue Jays
were probably the, "greatest franchise
in the history of professional sport."
This after one championship. Stupid
me, of course they are; the Boston
CeItics, New York Yankees, Montreal
Canadians, Brooklyn/Los Angeles
Dodgers, St. Louis Cardinals,
Pittsburgh Pirates, Minneapolis/Los
Angeles Lakers, Dallas Cowboys and
a few others obviously pale in com-
parison with a team that has won as
many championships as the Jays.
Then, to further swallow his
Florsheims, the "sportscastor" went
on to make comments about how a lot
of teams have never been to the
World Series and will never deserve
. An have to say s, "'T987",' r'i, .... -._,-:;:;.. .......
and they scurry for cover, whining
that Bill Madlock's slide was a fla-
grant attempt to injun' Tony
Fernandez. Of ourse it was, but th,)1
is how you pby the game wh ')1 YOll
want to win (If they were not too busy
being so fickle towards him, J<lys
junkies might notice that Jack Morris
brought that kind of altitude to what
had been one of the wimpiest It'ams
in the game). So, when Otis Nixon
grounded out to end the sixth ganlt',
there were indeed anadians who
were not ecstatic. Those of us whose.'
Canada includes baseball played out-
side, on grass, in stadiums built for
baseball, where they serve b er in 16
oz, or bigger, tubs and they do not
sing that stupid song and do calis-
thenics during the seventh inning
stretch were all mortified. We knew
that if the Jays won we would never
hear the end of it; we knew if the Jays
lost we would never hear the end of
it. The bandwagon would have cried
conspiracy, that there was a plot
against a "Canadian" team, had they
160 UniverSity Avenue, WATERLOO
(519) a86-6490
Our Sports Bar has JUMBO SCREEN
(live - feees via satellite)
- SHUFFLEBOARD
1/2 Price Wing,> OA.ILY 9 p.m .. 11 p.m.
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-----------. -------.------4
Page 6
On Saturday November 14th, the
University is extending a warm wel-
come to alumni, students, potential
students, their families, and the gener-
al public when it throws open its
doors for the UW open house. The
open house is in honour of the
University's 35th Anniversary and
will be run in conjunction with
Homecoming Weekend. Events are
scheduled from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
campus wide. All six university facul-
ties are participating in the celebration
along with the book store, the gift
shop, Conrad Grebel and St. Paul's
United colleges, and food services.
The Faculty of Engineering has much
planned for our visitors. We are look-
ing for volunteers to help us escort
visitors from South Campus Hall,
Davis Centre, and Carl Pollock Hall to
the main department bases of interest.
P .... 5 points will be awarded to those
students willing to give up some of
their time. As well, a souvenir T-Shirt
will be provided for the volunteer
during the event, and as a souvenir.
Some of the departments are still in
need of volunteers to guide tours
and/ or staff the displays as well. A
sign-up list will be posted in the
Orifice for those who are interest d in
lending a hand. Let's show the other
faculties how well engineering stu-
dents participate. Or in other words,
PLEASE lend us a hand in offering
these visitors our best in hospitality.
The Faculty of Applied Health Science
is running the 8th annual
Homecoming 5km Fun Run in the
morning from 10:00 until 12:00. From
1:00 to 4:00 in the afternoon they will
have a variety of tours and interactive
demonstrations to give visitors an
understanding of Health Studies,
Dance, Kinesiology, and Recreation
and Leisure Studies and how these
disciplines have an impact on our
health and well being. Visitors will be
encouraged to browse through the
Games Museum which will be featur-
ing a new display "500 Years since
Columbus", and invited to see how
games from 500 years ago compare
with games from today. The faculty
will also have academic counselors
available to meet with interested stu-
dents to discuss admissions, areas of
Iron Warrior IV October 30. 1992
specialization, courses, careers, etc.
The Faculty of Arts has an environ-
mental play planned, Drink the
Mercury, to be presented twice during
the open house and followed each
time by a question and answer period.
The two campus galleries (Modern
Languages and East Campus Hall)
will be open to guests for a Fine Arts
Student Show. Second and third year
fine arts students will be present as
their work is demonstrated from 11:00
a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Lectures are sched-
uled that feature professors from the
Faculty of Arts. The Departments of
Political Science presents "Canada at
the Crossroads" at 11:30 a.m. and the
Department of History presents
"Where is Quebec in the Canadian
Family now?" at 1:30 p.m. both one
hour in duration and located in the
ML Arts Lecture Hall Room 105.
There will be an International Cafe
organized and hosted in the Modern
Languages building (ML) by the
French, German, Spanish and Russian
language clubs. Music, food, and
entertainment can be had between the
hours of 11:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. The
faculty also plans to have a Mature
Student Services information booth in
foyer, and information for high
school students interested in Faculty
of Arts programs.
The Environmental Studies Faculty
will offer a variety of displays, envi-
ronmental films, tours, a book sale
and a mini campus day. Among the
scheduled faculty research displays
and the demonstrations are:
Indonesian research, air photos, water
conservation, economic development,
architecture, an ecol9gy garden, tree
rings, wolf research, and wetlands.
Computer demonstrations on
Geographic Information Systems and
CAD will also be provided.
The Faculty of Engineering will be
featuring all four mechanical cars will
be shown. The S.A.E. formula race car
will be displayed in the CPH foyer.
The Midnight Sun Solar Car will be
located at the Davis Centre in the
foyer there. The Shell Fuel-A-Thon
Car is scheduled to greet people as the
enter the campus at South Campus
Hall. And lastly, the Mini Baja will be
Celebrating 35 Years of
Achievement
Saturday, November 14th,
1992
10:00am to 4:00pm
shown at E3 2103G.
The main reception area for engineer-
ing is in the Carl Pollock Hall (CPH)
foyer. All of the departments have
planned to have a main receiving area
where information will be provided
along with brochures, and in most
cases, the start of departmental tours.
These rooms are as follows:
Chemical Engineering will be based in
E1 2517. Highlights are to include:
Flow Visualization of Contaminates in
Porous Media (E1 1540), Clean Water
- Courtesy of Support Liquid
Membranes (E1 2522), Design of a
Chemical Reactor (E1 2524), Utilizing
bugs that have an appetite for toxic
waste (E1 2533), and Polymer
Reaction Engineering: Green
Polymers (E1 2550 and E1 2550A).
Civil/Geological will be based in CPH
3385. Highlights are to include: Scale
models of highway bridges,
Quicksand demonstrations, Remote
sensing of environmental data by
satellite, Bioengineering displays,
Computer Aided Design of structures
(CPH 3385), Hydraulic models of
whirlpool s and river bed erosion
ownstream from dams (E3 2141),
Building science displays of new roof-
ing materials, masonry, tie tests, and
moisture penetration of walls (E3
2139).
Electrical/Computer will be based in
CPH 1333. Highlights are to include:
artificial Lightning (CPH 1332), the
latest in high resolution graphics an
animation, how ICs are designed
using computer graphics (E2 2364A),
the chance to experience virtual reali-
ty, the latest in computerized test
equipment developed, how good your
amplifier is, a simple experiment in
digitizing audio signals, talking over a
light beam, a custom IC from start to
finish, From Sand to Amplifier,
machine performance control, watch-
ing the waveforms of your favorite
station (E2 2356).
Mechanical will be based in E3 2103G.
Highlights are to include: Wind tun-
nel testing of aircraft wing sections
and buildings (E3 2103), Computer
aided manufacturing with our WAT-
ROBIN Robot (CIM LAB), Examining
materials with our scanning electron
microscope (E3 2117), Laser materials
processing with a C02 laser (E3 2116),
Using lasers to study pool fires (E3
2134).
Systems Design will be based in E2
1307C. Highlights are to include:
WATSUN solar energy laboratory,
Geographical Information System
(GIS) (E2 1303B), Vision and image
processing lab (E2 1303J), Pattern
Analysis and Machine Intelligence
(PAMI)(CIM LAB), Biomedical
research laboratory (DC 2576), NeXT
machines running a variety of pro-
grams to show their uses (CPH 1335).
The Engineering Education Research
Centre (EERC) plans to have the
Beacon Lab (E2 1313) open for demon-
strations: high resolution graphics
and animation; solid modelling dis-
plays; and computer algebra systems
(MAPLE). Showing in the Libra Lab
(E2 1302) will be: STELLA Systems
Thinking Experimental Learning with
Animation; MAPLE computer algebra
system; MATHEMA TICA computer
algebra system; and LogicWorks
interactive Digital Circuit Design. The
WATSTAR room at E2 1308 will have
demos running of most popular soft-
ware packages.
Engineering Undergraduate Studies
plans to have two rooms open, E2
1310 and CPH 1320B. The first, better
known as the Graphics Lab, will have
displays on Multi-media Year One
Instruction; Engineering Admissions
Information; and International
Exchange Program Information. The
latter will be titled the "Student
Experience Room" and will include
displays answering questions such as
"What is Engineering really like?" and
"What is the transition from high
school to University like?". The
Women in Engineering Committee
will also provide a display in this
room for visitor information.
The Engineering Society is planning
on having a reception area in POETS.
There will be Waterloo Engineering
Endowment Fund (WEEF) representa-
continued on page 7
October 30, 1992
Iron Warrior IV Page 7
The Sandford Fleming Foundation Waterloo Campus Activity
4306 Carl Pollock Hall , University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G1 (51 9) 888-4008
rrTie SantiJora :Ffeming :Founaation is pfeasea to announce tfie
Winners of tlie 1992 'Teacfiing 5lLssistantsfiip J1LwardS:
Paul Ibbotson
Chemical Engineering
Mani Vaidyanathan
Electrical & Computer Engineering
Jason Argent
Mechanical "Engi neering
David Flynn
Civil Engineering
Imtiaz Mohammed
Management Sciences
Ian Kilpatrick
Year 1 Engineering
to 6e presentea at tlie 17tfi J1Lnnuaf J2lwaras tIJinner, ?{ovem6er 24tli
continued from page 6
tives present along with an informa-
tion display dealing with the services
that the society provides both inter-
nally and in the community.
Executive and Directors will accom-
pany the picture display, "A Life In
The Day of an Engineer". Novelty
sales will take place in the Orifice
(CPH 1327). The Concrete Toboggan
Guys/Girls will be having a BBQ in
the CPH foyer and will be joined by
Grad. Comm from 11:00 a.m. to 2:00
p.m.
The Faculty of Math plans to host a
Math Fair adjacent to the Great Hall
in the Davis Centre. It will feature
visual displays, hands-on activities
and interactive computer programs,
all to show that math is fun! L f r
the pinK balloons and banners to
locate exhibits. The displays will
include: a computer graphics demon-
stration of warping images; computer
displays of fractal geometry; demon-
strations of MAPLE software, with 3-
D computer images; hands-on display
of physical devices illustrating basic
mathematical principles; an historical
display of computational devices; a
multi-meia demonstration of Rapid
Application Development, using
applications combining sound,
images and motion video. Math
videos are to be shown continuously
in DC 1350. The Canadian
Mathematics Competition will pre-
An organization devoted to the advancement of engineering education.
sent puzzles, games and challenges
for visitors of all ages. Statisticians
will calculate the statistical odds of
winning lotteries and games of
chance. Actuaries will calculate inter-
est payments, and calculate life
expectancy according to various risk
factors. The Undergraduafe
Computer Science Club will present
Othello games and other student writ-
ten programs. And last but certainly
not least, visitors are welcome to take
home an "I love Math" pink balloon!
The Faculty of Science, Waterloo
Centre for Groundwater Research is
having its official opening of the per-
manent groundwater display at 11:00
a.m. at the Earth Sciences Building,
Room 271. The theme is "We're all in
this together" with speakers from the
Waterloo astewater for the egion,
the Waterloo Centre for Groundwater
Research, and the UW Earth Science
Department. Four water drilling rigs
will be set up in B1 parking lot.
Drillers will be on hand to answer
questions.
The focus of Conrad Grebel College
will be to showcase their new and
refurbished facilities, not least of
which is a dining room which can seat
250 people, a gleaming new kitchen
and servery area. Guests are welcome
to wander up the hill anytime from
1:00 to 4:00 p.m. The UW Music
department housed at Conrad Grebel
College will be presenting a Chamber
Choir in the Davis Centre Great Hall
SCUNT NOTICE
The editors would like
to pOint out that
although they had
help from Alcorjthm
and FASS, G$ were
the winners of the
Scunt. So there.
from 1:00 until 1:30 p.m.
You are invited from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m.
to visit St.Paul's College to enjoy the
academic displays, alumni memora-
bilia, art and photography displays,
student profiles and college tours.
Refreshments will be served.
A tour of would not be
complete \,. visit to the UW
Bookstore & Gift Shop at South
Campus Hall or the Varsity Sports
Shop at Red North Physical Activities
Comples (PAC). The Bookstore & Gift
Shop is celebrating 25 years of service
at South Campus Hall. Special fea-
tures include: free "POUNCE" with
purchase of $50.00 or more at the Gift
Shop; 10% off UW crest Dictionary
rom the Boolcstore and free uWAR-
RIORS" stick-on tattoo from the
Varsity Sports Shop.
The following will be open by food
services:
9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. South Campus
Hall Pastry Plus
10:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Campus entre
Wild Duck Cafe
10:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Davis nlre
Food Fair
Come on out and join the fun! Spr ad
the news to family and friends. We
want to have large numbers show to
join the celebration!
----_._--------------------'
Lo-_______ __ ._. ____ ._. __ --'
The Adventures of
Casey Jones
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Page 8 Iron Warrior IV October 30, 1992
The New Wave of
Disco-Cheese Metal
by Michael Armata
and Leif Reinhold
THE BANDS
KMFDM: So, Monday after our
midterm we went to Fed to see Glam
Rock. We didn't want to, but the once
"GODLIKE" KMFDM has now revert-
ed to a "Slick-Toxic"-type format with
Paul Stanley and C.C.Deville on
Glam-Guitar. In the middle of once
respectable industrial-dance tunes
(that have metamorphasized into
Cheese-Meta!), the two dudleys broke
in unannounced (and uninvited) with
dribblingly glamorous solos (ono-
matopoeia- the word that I spelt with-
out a dictionary) and ruined every-
thing. As for the masculine Go-Go
dancer, get a woman who has musical
talent instead of an iron-dad leather-
tasseled Barbie Doll.
Recommendations: Get back the orig-
inal band members and that raw
German-African Dance sound, and
start over.
DIGIT: We hate bands that wear their
own shirts. We also don't believe the
trendy Brit. accent, the 90210 shades
[Hey, back off! -Ed!, or the pretty dance.
I did like it though when buddy was
thrown off stage by the bouncer. The
music wasn't bad, if you're into that
sort of Depeche Mode-type thing.
Recommendations: Cut the pretty
dance.
THE CROWD
Four Groups:
1) The persons who went there to see
an industrial-dance concert and were
mildly disappointed with the glam-
rock bit.
2) The persons who went there
because they heard the word "alterna-
tive" used. ( No. The CFNY Dance is
THIS week. )
3) The skinny guy with the net-top,
spandex, pointed booties, and scary
chicken-dance.
4) The cop.
Note: Even though we won't go to see
either band again, Bent as an organi-
zation, is pulling through with some
amazing concerts. Besides, how else
will they pack Fed Hall on a Monday
Night?
Who we would like to see:
Sonic Youth ( What!. . .They're already
coming? ), Body Count, The Mission
UK, Lard, assorted T.O. bands,
NoMeansNo (again), The Young
Gods, Stompin' Tom, Jonny Cash,
assorted European Industrial
bands .... and definitely NOT The
Barenaked Ladies.
THE FROG CROAK
I T
ht, 1\ lIU<ltJUlHl,dl\ !lw
lo\.lhlt.. OUl
fru!!, ",Ifer f".111.1 b.ld ICP'
ut.HlOI1. \\1 ItHo"' m\.l\ ht, (old
Jod d.lInllH. btu the'".He' I1nt (linn,
Jnt! It I!) nOllht'1i t'luiL If thev h.I\c
beeil drnpp"cl oo"'n the (Ii CS\{', or
cOUI1lI.:" I(hnohl'r1l. R,m,ll1bcl. It
'''1 the load that :$ huh i.1I1
thlht' \\tJ.n" i"roJ.{!I ha\'t'
,kill lh.UI hlllh "hllO; '''ph
OIlIlHC, ......
rlic rroll .. J "Jtcll .lld mOil
anh He croak, alld "r1blls" .Uld SII,
on IllS Ii" .pad throne. snatclung
Ries from the air "lIh hi, Scotch
tape IOlIgUt'. The frog croak is
c1c.lrh one of tht' most noble of
animal "otees,
INSTRUCTIONS
. .
I. Shape\ourmouthasir,ou
were going to sing the \', .. \' lowest
"0" 'ound that ,'Oll can. \ our
throJt should oe \'cry open and
YOllr lips in an "0" shape.
2. Exhale a 10'" "0" wund,
then mhull the same low "0" sou nd
to produce 3 \er\' hu)lo". '''SOI1Jl1t
but crJckl\' ,ound. PrJClice
dct'p. gullural Inhaled croilk.
3. :\s "ou lllhale the low lOnt:.
keep >our throdt "ery open and
anu . .:ulate a "\\ah" with your mouth
Dr3w the "w3h" out long .. r to >Qund
.
molt' lto.c.:.l !ro..:: .b \1)11 HI.1\'
.: ':." .1 . t .".. .Il :.11 L\. 11
.1 \'OUI l:IJ..1\'" .!:IiUl: Inh.lI(i' U-.l
0 1
'I1t',c' ',\ .lh, ;O'.{l'!t!t" \\ II fllJut ..,(tlp-
pinK tht! I o,\ ... l,);le RC'lurd I
\\" lIh .. nlllt' PI'.JctH.t.: '.Oll ,hould
)ound 'tW. JrHi mOll' like: ,t
Gill{' \ I)U :lJ\ c malott'red the b.l")i(
\()U (.In (tIl ,e\er.d r
JUli US 1'1) mai..(' the d.b'IC ibll"
,.)und. pnxluce 'our mll,dcd
nr)Jklng )ound ;lnd JU!lt iilh;llt. the I
"Old "rlbll:' Then tl\ other frog I
fa'o i lles luch JI "brcep" Jnd lIec
deep:'
SUGGESTIONS
The Frog Cro k ,huuld be
With \ome di,nct1on for II can ea",
I;" be nll>[aken fOI an ..l(k of ga,.
Tn hunJ...crtn" do\\ n lI)ln a crouch
on Jil fOllrs. Croak . nd thell lap
' Ollr looglle nut qUlck h, .1 fc\\'
times.
Hoppllll( ')11.111 and "nec
dccpll\g" vour hJ. \' IIIW ,i sal!!') c()n-
ference or blolug" r\"s "ill get "Oll
POlnl!rl for llt.".lli, ,t\-hul m.l\ 3"0
get '011 plllwd and d",ectc:-d.
Stupid Lyrics of the Week
brought to you by Leif Reinhold
This week featuring: Acting Like Black Sabbath
by Oayglo Abortions
Acting like Black Sabbath is so much fun Their records sound so
heavy when I tum them on (inaudible) I almost make the change
Acting like Black Sabbath Acting like Black Sabbath Acting like
Black Sabbath
Toni Iommi is my God (inaudible) Ozzy Osbourne so out in space
He'd probably love me if I pissed in his face
Acting like Black Sabbath Acting like Black Sabbath Acting like
Black Sabbath Oh, no .... no ...... noooooo! Oh my God, I got it!
Acting like Black Sabbath is lots of fun Their records sound so
heavy when I turn them on Acting like Black Sabbath I can almost
make the change
Acting like Black Sabbath Acting like Black Sabbath Acting like
Black Sabbath Oh noo!
Danzig III
HoW" The Gods Kill
Pretty fucking good/5
by Leif Reinhold
Many consider Glenn Danzig the last
true American rocker. His career hav-
ing taken him from punk (Misfits) all
the way to today's heavy, eerie
DanZig. It's like Elvis' voice trapped
in Jim Morrisson's steroid-pumped
body, and having exchanged his soul
for demonic possession.
The addition of keyboards to Danzig's
dark sound makes the arrangements
all the more effective, creating a hor-
ror-movie like atmosphere. Musically,
while maybe not as varied and bluesy
as Danzig II - Lucifuge, this album is
amazing. Very few bands, especially
in the metal area, can combine great
melodies with powerful riffs. There is
no band that can come even close. The
best way to describe this album is to
take your favourite song by the Cult,
make it sound a lot more powerful,
darker, and scarier, and add Glenn's
singing of rather 'different' topics.
The opening intro to 'Godless' should
keep people interested to check out
the rest of the album. From evil,
heavy (ie. Bodies) to evil soft ballads
(ie. How the Gods Kill) to almost
mainstream rock (Dirty Black
Summer), this album will keep you
corning back. It is truly a statement on
the fine talent of Glenn Danzig, Eerie
Von, John Christ, and Chuck Biscuits.
Great riffs, great drumming, great
howling. Maybe this album should be
taken seriously lyrically, but musical-
ly it rules. It will take you through all
the emotions.
p.s.: 1 know that 'other' paper on this
campus already reviewed this album
and found it crappy. Simply another
indication of how closed-minded peo-
ple keep commercial bullshit and bad
dance music in business because they
are scared to express their opinion.
Conformism sucks!
As Glenn Danzig would say (from
Godless):
I ask all who have gathered here to
join me in this feast. May we always
be strong in body, spirit, and mind.
And all those who would try to harm
us, let them be cast aside.
______________________________ ___
__________ . ______ ____ ______
October 30, 1992
Iron 'Varrior IV Page 9
Not Jays
continued from page 5
to be. To which his sidekick added
,"Yeah, like Chicago. They've never
been," and the other guy said, "I think
they might have." You think. Listen
there was baseball before 1977. In fact
most of the people(are yuppies peo-
ple?) who infest that multi-purpose
thing where they try to simulate base-
ball, have only discovered baseball in
the past six or eight years. It is good
to come out and support the horne
team. Just try not to be so stupid
about it. To those fans who sat
through the Doug Ault years, at
Exorcism, sorry, Exhibition Stadium,
in the snow and wind I respect you.
These are baseball fans. They proba-
bly know that Sparky Anderson once
played in Toronto, for the Maple
Leafs. It is the Johnny corne latelies
who are letting you down.
Law Tip 0' the Week
G1HO'S PIZZA
University Shop Plaza
747-9888
160 University Avenue. W.
FREE DELIVERY
onl;:n 1Oc, tl')n neE'o/allo .....,th 8"V Diner olter
piuS dot)llcable sales laIC
Finally, I am embarrassed as a
Canadian by all of the above. All of
the, "How do you feel about a team
from Canada being in the series?"
questions were really pathetic. It
makes us seem really self conscious,
like a little snot nose brat longing for
the approval of his parents.
Canadians seem to enjoy smugly
thinking they are better than
Americans and then they pull stuff
like that. Nobody cares. A real base-
ball fan would pay to sit through nine
innings of the 1977 Jays play the 1990
Braves, who combined for about 200
losses for one reason, love of them
game. So you see, it really does not
matter where the teams are from, the
W orId Series is still the pinnacle and
in the world of the long suffering
Brooklyn Dodgers fans, wait until
next year.
By the way, just as a footnote, the
California Angels once tried to buy
themselves a championship, in much
the same way the Jays did. They did
get one division championship, but
they also ended up with a season
which included: Lyman Bostock
being shot and killed; MVP Don
Baylor having a broken bone, the
bone healing and then breaking
another one; Bobby Grich missing
most of a season; Rick Burleson need-
ing shoulder surgery; future Hall of
Farner Rod Carew spending most of
his time healing from assorted little
things. Anything can happen and
that is the beauty of the game.
FRANZ KAFKA'S MARMODUKE
" I don't care if Man's existence IS a futile
search for personal salvation in a world of
guilt. anxiety, and isolation ...
get the hell out of my chairl "
--------------------------------
by Mark " Law is my Middle ameli
Vidler
So you've been i sued a summon,
plead 'Not Guilty', or just dropped by
the court room to wr ak havoc on th
increasingly efficient Justice System
0' Canada (fanfare please). There are
several ways to ensure the smooth
execution of your trial. There e ists a
plentitude of different Overseers of
Justice in the judicial system of this
land of ours. However, I can only
think of two - actual full-blown judges
and those Justice of the Peace guys.
The division between the two is some-
what hazy, as 'is the selection process,
however Iny personal belief is that
they are awarded the titl of judge
solely on the basis of anal retentive-
ness and poor dressing habits
(although the former is most cmcial).
That said, let's take a look at the court
room proceedings.
If you want a shot at winning, the best
way to get off to a good start is not to
dress like Relic of 'The
Beachcombers' ; it's a fashion state-
ment sure, but unless the judge (jus-
tice) was a bad actor in a former life
it's best to dress up. Note: If the trial
is in B.C. you might want to disregard
that last hint; judges are like profs and
the 70's statement could aid your
quest. Usually a look of professional-
ism is not complimented by the
Mickey Mouse suspenders or the bat-
tery powered flashing bow tie.
Once your attire has been selected
you must choose the method of
. 1 I b
your personality type and your reac-
tion to the whole prescription dmgs -
alcohol mixing thing. The most com-
mon options to th d 'f 'tHiant
are self-d f nce or enlisting th' aid ot
a lawyer. The latter can prove to b'
somewhat costly and infinitely less
exciting, d pending on your ne 'd
(want) to gel off the hook, and your
views of freedom of expression, per-
sonal freedom, and contempt of court.
I prefer to defend myself in situations
like this becau e:
a) I usually have just spent my la:;t
work-term earnings on beer, pizza,
and batteries for my ties;
b) I tend to trust myself with my lif'
more than, say, a guy who ranked
67th in his law class (for the record, I
ranked 63rd);
c) 1 invariably have a better time con-
fusing the judge and prosecuting
attorney than I would have if I just sat
there and looked remorseful.
I would also like to say at this point
that, for a small fee, I am available for
personal counselling pertaining to
court room appearances.
-._-.------1
TIl b st approach to fighting a charge
i to use the knowledge that God
(Waterloo Engineering) gave you.
Think about it. If you can reduce and
explain every action you took in terms
f physics, do you really think that
someone who went to Western for
law has a hope in hell of understand-
ing you? Not a chance. For example,
in April I was clocked speeding at
about 126 on the 401. My first reac-
tion was ( orrectly) to lie and tell the
cop that I had just, that self-same day,
broken up with my girlfriend of 16
years. He didn't bite, so I had to
plead not guilty. My strategy for the
trial wa a simple one: use physics to
provide reasonable doubt (use this
term a lot in the court, judges love it)
that the cop could be sure that he had
a reading of my car. My logic went
like this:
i) The car behind me was SOOm away,
and he passed the cop and I after, say,
21s. This means that his speed was
about 130km/h.
ii) The cop was 5m from the lane
when he took his radar reading, at
which point I was SOOm away from
him. If you use trig this will mean
that the cop had only to mov the end
of the radar 3mm to pOint it at the car
behind me.
iii) I could then explain the radar's
modis operendi in terms of Huygen's
wavelets and point out that these
waves do not move in a straight line,
rather with a curved motion due to
diffraction (remember, feel free to
bullshit mightily at any given time
and be as technical as pOSSible, they're
all only lawyers and cops.).
. '1 tl ul U
if he were the best marksman at his
station, and upon being told no, I
could point out the fact that if the cop
cO\lldn't be dSSUH' I of kl' 'Pll1g .1
tol (which rl'l ',lst'S iI stl.light lillt.' pro
je till') poinll'd ill tIlt' l' ,Ict difl'clloll,
how ould h .. , hopt, to do so with iln
ina cural(> 1.ldar gun?
Anuth r approach to this probll'O"\ is
to g't a s ht'IlHlti' of tlH' r.ll.lar gun
and familiarize yoursl,I[ wilh it.
Wh 'n you qu 'stioJ\ till' op, ,'sk him if
he knows how a radar gUll works.
he says, you can ask him to
xplain what diod ' 32A do S or at
what lagging powl'r phase the rndar
works on. lIt.' won't know and then
you an condud ) that he has no idea
how the thing opcrall's. Case dos d.
An Important thing to keep in mind,
however, is that you should always be
rcady to compromise. An easy way to
do this is to find out which station the
officer works at and try to drop a few
names of cops you know that he
might. I didn't know anyone from the
London detachment but 1 took a shot
continued on page 10
Page 10 Iron Warrior IV October 30, 1992
Law Tips
continued from page 9
and mentioned a cop from Waterloo.
The guy knew him and I started talk-
ing to the cop a bit. The police officer
will usually be in good spirits at the
trial because s/he is getting time and
a half for being there. While talking
to the cop I told him that I had to get
back to work or they wouldn't let me
work overtime on the weekend. I
told him that I would plead not guilty
to 14 over, he said the prosecutor
would accept 15 over, and a deal was
struck. So by this compromise I was
able to save $50 and get a no pOint
infraction. I still didn't get to try out
my argument, but I'm sure that I will
be able to next summer.
Yet More Envirotips
That said, you can now decide to pro-
ceed with the trial or attempt to bar-
gain with the lawyer. Your life, your
driving record, your call. One other
point though; I still haven't paid my
fine and I was even able to do all
those things at the DMV that you're
not supposed to do with an outstand-
ing fine, like register a vehicle, renew
my plates, and renew my license. I'll
let you know if anything comes of it.
Tune in next issue when I'll feature
Jeff and Akbar on the topic 'How to
Keep One Step Ahead of the Law and
INTERPOL' .
This article was brought to you by the
letters P, I, and G, and by the num-
bers 6 and 9.
This issue's special is on non-toxic
cleaning.
Here are a few tips.
Pick up a box of laundry soap instead
of detergent for normal clothes wash-
ing. Laundry soap is much kinder to
the environment than detergent. Try
laundry soap and intersperse it with
detergent occasionally. Most deter-
gents are petroleum based and this
means that they break down very
slowly and leave residues that don't
disappear. Phosphates are used to
help soften the water and also help
algae grow by acting as a fertilizer in
the marine environment which uses
up the oxygen and kills other marine
life.
Use borax or washing soap in the
laundry instead of bleach. These are
found on the shelves near the deter-
gents in the stores and are much
kinder to the environment than
bleach.
Buy a plunger. Don't use harmful
chemicals like Liquid Plumber to
unplug a drain or toilet unless really
necessary. If the problem is really
serious a "plumber's snake" may be
necessary. If you need a snake you
can probably rent one from a tool
company. If the problem is serious
enough to need a snake, chemicals
probably won't do much good any-
way. Another idea is to try some pre-
ventive maintenance. If your drain is
starting to slow down check for
blockage (ie hair in the shower drain.
If that isn't the problem, try pouring
boiling water down the drain and add
1/2 cup of washing soda. Then wait
15 minutes and pour in more boiling
water. Use of washing soda in the
laundry will also help keep laundry
drains clear.
Don't buy special toilet cleaners.
Sprinkle a little baking soda on the
toilet brush and swish it around the
bowl. To disinfect the toilet pour in
1/2 cup of borax and let it stand for
about 1 hour.
Clean sinks and appliances with bak-
ing soda and vinegar. Pour some
vinegar in the sink (with the plug in)
and then swish it around. Add some
baking soda and let it fizz. Then wipe
it clean with a rag after a minute or
two. This handy trick can also be
used on countertops, appliances and
for general cleaning.
First a warning about the next two
tips. To use these and to stay alive
don't mix ammonia with bleach as it
will make deadly fumes. Ammonia is
a good cleaner, biodegradable and
cheap, but corrosive and the fumes
may be harmful. But who knows
what the fumes of other cleaners are
like.
First mix your own all-purpose
heavy-duty cleaner. Put about 4 liters
of water, 1/2 cup of ammonia, 1/2
cup of vinegar and 1/4 cup of baking
soda in a pail. Then use it on floors,
walls, bathroom sinks, appliances,
counters, etc. Don't use it on copper
or aluminum (ie your aluminum
kitchen sink) and make sure you have
ventilation when
I:IE CAMPUS SHOP I3j presents
using ammonia.
LEATHER
JACKET DAY
$315.00 includes:
front crest
back lettaring - "University of Water/oo" or "Your Faculty"
all sleeve cresting - Grad year & faculty
chOice of men'S or ladies' fit
choice of collar - mandarin or self collar
choice of letter style - single felt or double felt
choice of colours - black, gold, navy, maroon, forest green
other options available
Oct. 26 & 27 10am to 4pm
LEATHER $315.00 MELTON & LEATHER $199.00
$100 DEPOSIT REQUIRED
ort Leather Garments Ltd .
. ' -._----....
Put a small bowl of ammonia (about
1/4 cup) in your oven, after it has
been used and is still warm. It may
be a good idea to let everyone know
that you have done this so that
nobody turns the oven on. The next
morning let the fumes out and then
wipe the oven down with a damp rag.
Again watch out for the liquid ammo-
nia coming in contact with aluminum
or copper (ie your oven thermostat).
Use cedar to repel moths instead of
moth balls which contain poison.
Some stores sell cedar blocks, chips or
even hangers for this purpose.
Use a facecloth and warm water to
remove makeup instead of cotton
balls or q-tips which a used once and
then thrown away.
Try to buy your toiletries at environ-
mentally friendly stores like The Body
Shop or any other such store instead
of the drug store or supermarket.
Try water first before reaching for a
cleaner. Soak a rag in warm water
and then leave it on that sticky or
dirty spot for a few minutes and then I
try to wipe it clean. If that doesn't
work then try using a cleaner.
Please recycle the Iron Warrior when
done reading it.
Environmentally yours,
Enviroman
October 30, 1992
Iron Warnor IV Page 11
CONTEST!!!$$
Waterloo is bidding to hold CCES '95 and we need a logo for our bid.
Logo design must make some reference to:
CCES, Waterloo and 1995.
Any other artistic additions encouraged.
This is the biggest most impressive Engineering conference held in
Canada, let's make it the best ever for 1995.
PRIZE for BEST LOGO: $50 + a T-shirt with your
designed logo!
Submit all entries to the VP-External Box in the Orifice.
POEn
am
Sessions
"where Jillli learned to pIny ... "
Where?: CPH POETS
When?: Tuesdays Bpm - 12 am
If you play: Any instrument
Any style
At any level
These sessions are definitely
you ... All Faculties welcome!
For more info on Watstar, contact:
kewarkentin@chep:1ical
or
astessiermechanical
If you would play the music below, we don't want you at
the POETS Jam.
Slowly
Am
:5E
t
;;
,,-

"" !)

G A A
c: ... C. G D F: F:n3 1i

S!

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==
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...
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....
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I: -- ___ .
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.... ...
we . *' I =5' I
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: -----;.
#- .. _-
Ie .;!2:--::

-
Bkt-Ball Tourney
As of92 10 1
(Oct. 1 for you losers)
1. Frog (38 Chern)
2. Mech Me Wet (38 Me h)
3. G$ (38 Comp)
-1 . Untouch<lbles (4A Sys)
5+6 Fuzzy Monkees (38 Civ)
Chemtaminated (lA Chem)
7+8 Frank Sinatras (old Sys)
Chenwicted (2A Chem)
Personals
I am shy, 5' 11", 130 Ibs, and of
Scottish descent. As a male with all
the charisma and sex appeal of a
cologne ad, I feel secure in my se -
uality and attractiveness. If you
are not too short, not too dumpy, and
not too male, I would like to place my
brand on you. My hobbies include
horseback riding, riding in jeeps,
wrassling steers, talking on the phone
for hours, and reeking of (manly) per-
fume. If you are the filly for me, give
me a call at 725-8656 and ask for Stets.
EVENTS
SEMI-FORMAL
HALLOWEEN
NAUTICAL #2
JOINT COUNCIL
ENG SOC COUNCIL #4
EXEC. NOMINATIONS OPEN
BEER BREWING CONTEST
BLOOD DONOR CLINIC (CC)
REMEMBRANCE DAY
EXEC. NOMINATIONS CLOSE
DOOMSDAY
ENG SOC COUNCIL #5
TAL-ENG (tentative)
VOLLEYBAll TOURNEY
VOTE!!!!!!!
ENG SOC COUNCil #6 &
POTLUCK DINNER
LAST DAY OF CLASSES
MEMORIAL OAY
EXAMS (*#$%!!???&@)
OCT. 30
OCT. 31
OCT. 31
OCT. 31
NOV. 4
NOV. 4
NOV. 5
NOV. 6
NOV. 11
NOV. 13
NOV. 13
NOV. 18
NOV. 19
NOV. 22
NOV. 24
DEC. 2
DEC. 4
DEC. 6
DEC. 9-22
We, being Brent, Stets, and Mark,
hereby wish to laugh at all of you
because we are secure in the knowl-
edge that we have in excess of twen-
ty-six (26) cases of beer in our base-
ment, which has but one entrance,
and a heavily guarded one at that. If
this announcement has made you
weep with jealousy, go drown your
sorrows somewhere else.
The Iron Warrior is pleased to an nounce that,
after a long and bitterly fought battle,
Beverly Hills 90210 has been reinstated as
POETS's premier drama.
rw Submissions 3
3,
j So you want to submit to the Iron Warrior, but you have absolutely no idea:
where to start. Here arc somt' poinlers fnll1\ till' fnl'ndly stilff .\l Lilt' Iron }
Warrior thal will make it infinitely l'<ll;il'r for l'Vl'rYl)J) ' .
i g
First of all, the creative side. Submit <lily thing YOII wilnt to. We'n' nnt ;.
picky and can use just about anything Yl)u' d like 10 )!,iw liS. Writ to till'
best of your ability and our handy dandy edilorinl staff will take C(lr(' of the g
rest. If you think what you havc to say is inter 'sling or importnnt, We ..,
probably have an iludicnc [or it.
o -

E Next, the technical side. Documents arc preferably lyped anJ submitted :l

on 3.5" diskette (Give us your name and we'Jll'ven return th ' disk). We -
can use either Mac or MS-DOS (ormats, but would prefer Mac. NO 3
(5 PAPER, PLEASE. Please add absolutely no formatting on the do lImenl, g
] that's what our editorial and layout people are for (i'e: no special fonts, :::
styles, paragraph indents, or extra lines). include negaUves with all
photos. Put submissions in the lW box in th Orifice.
::: .
r:;
o
'12 See how easy it is? And, as an added benefit, your class will even get piUS
points. Well don't just sit there... :::
.... .... '.' .. "" . :,: ....... }. ... 10. N. .. P .... A.. y .' .. , ... ;; .... :,: I',': .. ' :rrUEs'bAy ' .... . . WEDNESDAY ..
[J
"" 1'..:' . "," . . ' .. ; ..... """' .. '. ,,,' '' <'''';: '
.. ==== ..
. :3(1 Batman

In Living Color
.... ,' .':
Cheers
. ":::.; .
Married .. . with Children
'12:30 SIal' Trek, TNGv lierman's I lead
'-' .
Woops
Star Trek, TOS Ballnan
2:00 Fresh PI inee of !.kli.lir
I
I
I
Northern Exposure
Batman
Cheers
Quantum Leap
Batman, Animated I3cvcrly Hills, 90210
Red Dwarf
MOVIE Batman
Simpsons
Simpsoms
MOVIE Cheers

Davis Copy Centre
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Cash Copy Centre Locations
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available at no extra cost (see the list of
locations below) ~ ~
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(available in the libraries and various
locations on campus)
Venda card copiers at 6 per copy are
located in the Dana Porter and
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Same day service available at Graphic
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Copy Centre Locations
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