If

being a man,means to threat-even the lives of a lonely family of foreigners in my country, i prefer to stay forever a child,and if Iranian culture is all about money,then I prefer to stay Greek..Thank God its not like this at all. And these qualities are not identified with these behaviours.There are people aquiring the aforementioned qualities at their most pure form, but their difference is that they don t say it but they live it...!ontrary when someone praises so much himself as something, is in reality in a state of autosuggestion, he tries to convince himself that he is what he claims and finally he believes it, while no one other see is at all, e"cept someone who don#t know of course and listens his childish heart instead of his mind .$o I am not that kind of verbal %man%, im not that kind of verbal %Iranian%, of verbal %&uslim% etc, im happy with what i am, and i don t live my life through something else, that doesn t belong to me, that its not my quality, my property or whatever, this is my humility, this is my %poverty% ,my simplicity and my pride.. 'ne of the causes of $chi(ophrenia after all is our internal conflict between what we would like to be and what we really are.And when we really are,we are aware, so it happened with me.. i learned everything and the fake stereotypes concerning Iranian !ulture collapsed one by one, now im aware of what is all about,now im awake in what i had to be,but it doesn t hurt me so much, because it was like i always knew, like i was always feeling it ,in my lo)v*neliness and my uncertainity, in the insults,and the rabelaisian behaviours, the suspiciousness, and the enemity for the %otherness%,in a proportion that was e"ceeding the normal disagreements, at least when you are in a phase of building a relation, you must have tolerance and be more enthusiastic and happy, the point of view interpreting any behaviour as bad sign, and generally this deliberated understanding of the other as potential +evil, guy has nothing to do first of all, with Iranian culture and second with a person(or a family) desiring to share his-hers-their life with another or that consider marriage really important and are not viewing marriage simply as trading....ut what really hurted me was that now im viewed as someone that gave

fake promises, as someone that did nt really feel what he said etc. /o, never, i don t accept that for me, and e"actly this is the reason i sent, what i wanted was marriage and nothing more than that, and in that i didn t lie.. 0ow could i have lied when was not even let to lie, to speak, to say my last word, all was your negative answer and after the life threats and my un1ustified demoralisation followed. 2id we say anything3 2idn#t we agree that we ll speak with someone else to make the mutual understanding between our families clear3 how you said I gave fake promises and i was lying3i was lying in what3in the fact that i wanted to marry you i was lying3or in the fact that i will fullfill the terms as they were3 because this is different, disagreeing on those terms after being aware, that something in the whole thing was not healthy, normal or transparent-and you cannot deny this anymore- is not matter of forgetting a promise but matter of human dignity .4hat a man should fulfil in a manner ,he wants or he can is enough for a marriage to take place, if the aim of the other side is marriage of course55 .ut because I#m a good person, and because i try to follow the official narrative, instead of viewing behind the whole thing an organi(ed plan from people that they were behaving like blackmailers(if you dont do that..no marriage for you..)e"ploiting my strong feelings during our communication in a polite manner and who finally openly and very seriously were threatening my own life and my physical health, i want to clarify my position.I dont know if you understand how ugly is, marriages to be destroyed because of money in 6789,and im not talking about the necessary things that a husband should provide his family like house, car and an income, no one disagreed on that, but on the whole idea of a fi"ed amount that must be transfered as soon as possible at an account in 2ubai, and the fact that we had to pay a high mahr forward(with out any significant exchange!!!), namely the activation of an ancient or tribal custom incompatible with Islam(as far as concerns the high amount-Prophet, Imams all of the
Wali and Ulema or e en the !cursed! Ummar,that finally had more ethical approach towards life, from a lot of !"hias! cursing him, discouraged in any possi#le manner the high mahr-$ah#ar himself, denies to recite %i&ahs for couples that girl as&s high mahr as

well),and incompatible with advanced societies)as far as concerns the forward paying:(#ut to #e fair,I must admit that there is an 'orf( in the old and rich households of )sfahan li&e "hay&h *ahais family, that they ta&e the mahrie forward to marry their girls+.and was,,ust -. se&e for the masoomeen,I must also admit that some-few- ery high class families as& some dang of earth forward #ut in a fair manner #oth for #oys family and #oth honouring for the girl, that I will explain #elow..) that view woman as a special human

being with her own personality and her rights to work and property, and not as a commodity. This has nothing to do with a reluctance to share my property with my wife, and a lack of love, insomuch when a pair is married what a man owns is accessible to his wife as well, it has to do with the psychological pressure to accomplish a very specific package(for which i didn/t &now from the starts, #ut i learned when i was already dependent with the idea of that marriage) and come in conflict with my family(our communication decreased significantly
and they e en started to send me half of my monthly income, #ecause they were fearing* for that package, to convince them actually for the pure intentions of you and your family ( I was fearing to tell you these pro#lems as well #ecause you was threatening me when I started to ma&e an introduction). $imilarly, saying that giving half of a house-not any house of course and anywhere-to a

woman for marrying you ,without an e"change of similar value, is a prove of your love, hides unsuccessfully the fact that ;7< of the average simple-minded women in this world would marry someone for half house of such value even if they didn#t like him at all, moreover a husband can give half house to his own wife from his own will after some years when mutual trust has been tested, but being forced to do so has its own specific 'regime(. 'f course these statements are valid only if we try a lot to e"clude the possibility of a desire from your side concerning a very specific house. now I want to believe that this "hypothetical" desire did not take shape from the starts but functioned as a motive to convince a family that had not desire for that marriage(they cynically
confessed, we didnt want..so a ten years old &id as&, what they wanted other than the pac&age0) or even any other marriage since

people that have created a very high idea of themselves, in the degree of a psychological symptom will never be

satisfied, in so much they cannot see their own situation clearly and they tend to ma"imi(e e"istent or non-e"istent disadvantages of the other, and so there is no other to blame beside those, that they have no idea of what love is, although they reached such ages, while viewing themselves like Gods and decide for the e"istence of life on earth, based on inhuman and un-Islamic criteria like the nationality and even social class!!(if you don/t fulfill the pac&age how we will &now
your financial situation00-as if what marries is my property and not me, or as if #uying my own house for my own self wouldn/t #e indicating of my social class,#ut no,i had to fulfil the pac&age as it was) . The fears

of running away and the contradictory with that fear laughable concern for my absence from a semi-mercenary, semi-compulsory =uropean modern army(http122www.&eeptal&inggreece.com234-32--2542troi&a-see&s-toend-compulsory-military-ser ice-in-greece2 our )uropean lenderswhich in reality function as shade go ernment of my country,and any lawma&ing concerns the economy,or spendings must first #e accepted #y 6roi&a-e en are pressuring to a#olish army,and if we want the money we ha e to follow 7ll of their instructions.* , which was

perceived, as if my country is /a(i Germany at war state and whoever refuse to go there(namely some hundrend thousands of
youths!! for a country of ,ust -4 million-which is a ery great amount)will face....capital punishment55 The package

proposed before any e"tensive discussions about army as well. Argumentations for the quality of life in my country are also false, the quality of life changed of course (
http122en.wi&ipedia.org2wi&i28uality-of-life9Index ,during 344: we had the 33nd #est ;uality of life in the world, in other words almost all <ree&s were high or high middle class),but not in a such dramatic

level to be compared from half-informed people with the life inde" of Afghanistan while its still very higher even from Iran( 3= positions lower, in 34-5,is #ig change for people that were
actually li ing #etter from the a erage 8atari or )mirati and that made them angry, #ut this doesn>t mean that they are star ing or li e under po erty. 7re the people in Iran star ing although the ;uality of life and the purchase of money is 34 times lower from <reece000 of course not!!!! http>--www.numbeo.com-quality-of-

life-rankings?by?country.1sp*, all these argumentations even if were correct, are still not 1ustifying such a fi"ed package. .ut i want to focus on the fear of running away and the

guarantee the family wanted to have, in case- &hoda na &one-i would leave, these fears are absolutely logical, respectful, and show people with high sense of responsibility and highly developed family bonds, every good family in such case would have a need for a @amanat, a guarantee to protect their girl, but a guarantee in such cases is nothing more than a guarantee, its value is symbolic first of all and so it can take various prices ethical or actual ,it can be the meeting with someone#s family, it can be a visit to his country, his house and his neighbourhood, work, university, communication with his close associates, a field of (eytoun,a piece of land, participation in someone property, and even a house or half a house ,in the girl#s country.. .ut never and in any case is something associated with benefit or profit, its something sleepy that activates only if the worst happens, the guarantee is a sign of goodwill and seriousness from our side ,of our choice, A/2 /'T A fi"ed package, this part is the e"tra because im foreigner and it should be totally out of any obligatory terms, not fi"ed to respond in any specific amount of money or at least not without a generous sacrifice of wealth from your side in case that is obligatory.. There is no reason to refer in a lot of successful marriages i had the luck to see, between Iranians and non Iranians where not such a fi"ed package proposed ,although the guy was foreigner, but i will start from the preposition it self, so lets see.. .!What we>ll ta&e in case of...!is it all about taking3 in the starts of a marriage who insist so much in the taking3 And now lets see the obligatory terms. The mahr in the modern iran is not about taking but for:making..the divorce difficult and force the pair to review and revive their relation after a crisis, its not for taking something and consequently encourage divorce.. A signed mahrie of 8777 seke for e"ample, makes divorce difficult for the man, that he ll end up in 1ail, insomuch very few Iranians(less than -4?!!!) acquire this amount. $imilarly cra(y mahr like 877 kilos of flies wings and one million roses were signed to make divorce difficult, because this is the real insurance and nothing else, namely to have your own husband forever ne"t to you. .ut paying from the starts to marry is something different, legally one

has the right to ask her mahr whenever she wants, but who does without at the same time paying a lot from her side3 and i don t want to listen things like it was the only way to make the divorce difficult, there are plenty other +sleepy, ways to do that, and even if they weren t how could i sold a house in one day under your nose and escape like a thief with no word3 it simply doesn t make any sense, and if the package proposed because of the fear that ill suddenly leave, the 8,A seke every month after divorce why was proposed3 $omeone that suddenly left how and why should pay3 $imply because he didn#t left, but he was divorced )3*or something forced him to leave like a revealed secret or a deliberated behaviour3, and your family was fully aware that I m not a bad person and I would never leave you, so the argument of leaving was also an e"cuse that don#t 1ustify the fi"ed package.. &oreover a ready mahrie, a sure one-sided mahrie, with nothing in return, makes the divorce more easy, not only because it rises the suspicion between the pair (it happened e en #efore the marriage, imagine after*but also because B7777 euro(:4 in reality #ut i dont say more a#out prices, its #etter to let this issue out),is considerable amount for Iran and not only(you can #uy =4m3 apartment in a lot of good areas, e en in
countries li&e "pain,Italy,@rance, and use it as in estment or #oosting with that an already existent),moreover the B7777 could become

at once 8A7777 with some sweet words for about a week(!who you trust more than me or my family to write him the rest half of the house0!)8A7777 euro is really a property, and i don t want to listen the opposite at least from people that 877 and 8A7 toman have value for them,and count the times it happened to pay the food)555* of someone,so it wouldn#t be better to be +sleepy, and if not sleepy to be in my own choice3*,write her half of the house that you want to #uy where er
you li&e(was so difficult0or e en letting me do it myself without any enforcement0what pro#lem I would ha e0i intended to do that e en with my own first house in <reece). 'f course always there was

also the very small to be honest, possibility of an %accident%, where the fi"ed amount could be %lost% .(these 7$) %A6 BC
thoughts, #ut an example of how can someone thin& you when you insist so much on fixed pac&ages, you consider social class fundamental alue, and you threat human li es+you are generally

iewed as someone stops+.at nothing,and you gi e right to someone to thin& anything*.In addition the insisting on the numbers and

the investment for this marriage although for two young people loving each other and are not yet parents these things are not compulsory(we don/t disagree that an in estment is
needed, since there was no sta#le ,o# with satisfying income other than my family/s that would directly rise x . e en #efore the marriage, *U6 this thing can also ne er #e part of o#ligatory terms we had to sign!!!, li&e the guarantee is ,ust a show of goodwill from our side, the amount and the type of in estment is of our choice, 7%D not reason to pre ent a marriage*,so the specific package is not

about a whole life insurance, even for our grandchildrenne er such aspirations although understanda#le are #ecoming o#ligatory terms in a mahr,for <ods "ha&e!!! .ut contrary is

pointing out to a very specific need of a very specific amount which partially(why00isnt the whole thing #ecomes little mur&y0or its conspiracy theory0lets see...) responds to an investment in a very specific house, in whose choice i was pushed indirectly, since i had no other alternative(ma,#our nami&onim,ama +
ma,#our hasti-the answer in the ;uestion, why should I #uy half a house whose half alue BU"6 #e 344 se&e-344 and e en 3:4 se&e themsel es are not #ad if they are not as&ed forward-and at the same time the in estment, is included in the mahr!!is not the lost in time alchemical type, that determines the exchange alue of a thing-what for example ma&es a hammer cost li&e 5 &ilos of salt0 #ut is li&e the answer in the ;uestion 'what ma&es meow on the roof!00!!(a cat0or an amount that someone needs0 and can #e perfectly ta&en #y using an apartment of somehow less alue as an um#rella0 *,insomuch all

these things were being asked from me at once, namely the obligatory mahr(#ecause all these things included in the mahr, they were not of my choice) was not 677 seke, but i had to give for this marriage forward almost 677777 euro-lets say -:4,that
would go directly in your poc&ets-as I told I had no many choices other than the apartment, and it was easy to write in someone of you the rest of the house, and e en easier to transfer it directly in your name instead of selling it to me for some other reasons+"o the argument 'for you we said that( doesn/t ma&e sense, if finally nothing stays in my hands- namely almost C77 million tomans or C77 seke(...we want little while other families claim :44 se&e-an #andeha &hoda most possi#ly will ne er see them, as for the argument a#out those 'claiming also a house( except se&e this was, not actual argument #ecause they didn/t claim it in the name of their daughter, although hus#and himself may want to do so sometime in the future,

#ut as a mean of sustenance for their life, and how I was excluded from that0 didn/t I ha e to #uy one more house, except the in estment since renting in Iran is not in the interest of the consumer #ut the owner0 where would we li e0 Isn/t that my real o#ligatory duty0 actually except from our case Bahr is rarely a reason pre enting a marriage, contrary people ma&e some choune with the price-that they Ell not pay unless di orce ta&es place- and the life goes on!!!),If these

things were really e"isting in iranian culture the Iranian nation now, would be e"tinct because very few Iranians could marry. &ahr of such amounts is of course compulsory for real high class marriages but this doesn#t mean, that grooms pay the whole amount forward, that its morally correct, or that this case was one of them, but you wanted to play in their +hard game,, and we have not problem with that, if of course is fair, the rules concerning those giving some dang or half a house to the girl are the following >when you want half a house from someone you should pay the whole 1ahi(ie and not any 1ahi(ie but at least 677-6A7 million toman, did someone proposed us such thing3 because if you did i don#t think there would be any reason for us to doubt on the terms and not feeling safe to proceed normally, but since you didn#t these terms are totally dead and fake,and their death reveals all of their inner contradictions as a well designed 'Firang#aFi,. $o they had to be reviewed immediatly from the starts,or even preventing us from proceeding to that marriage, thing that didn#t happen from our side. And now the main issue, marriage was for us very important, but '/DE marriage, and even after the life threats we proposed indirectly, to sit on the table again and solve the issue by making the terms safe and rational for both sides(we had two choices1normal terms li&e all people with
the special pri ilege that you don/t pay anything -except the few you proposed and don/t surpass in any case the amount of :4442G444 euro(talar foodHringHclothesHiron(!)Hcoo&ing stuff)-and of course you don/t ta&e something forward except the guarantee that the house stays to you in case I di orce you or I lea e, or ery high class terms where you ta&e half a house of your choice-as far as concerns price, %A6 specific house of course- and you pay 'hada&al( 344 million toman for complete ,ahiFie, we proposed the first cause we feel shame to as& such amounts of money, you could propose the second and no pro#lem would occur* but you didn#t want, something other

than these terms, they were holy and infallible, and everything was rounding around them, as if i had to marry the terms and not a human being,well: terms are to change not to be signed without search so you have no right to accuse me for irresponsibility towards you because even in these moments of brutal terrori(ing and character assassination(you destroy the others credi#ility to present your self
as clean, you say the other liar,etc while you &now that the terms were not fair and good for us, and we had to re,ect them, was it sooo hard to admit that we did the right thing00 7nd tell us, you ha e right #ut no, till the end you defended the terms ,may#e you wanted to defend your family,as well,#ut may#e you li&ed also the pac&age #ecause for your side it was perfect, and e en it was much easier for you to say no to me instead of saying no to pac&age.) beyond any

imagination that reveals a lot-your time, and the honour of your name in your family that knew you were about to marry was for us e"tremely important, therefore we didn#t cheat anyone, but we were the cheated ones() eryone told us that
they would ne er dare to as& those things from an Iranian, his family would laugh-we e en laughed unconsciously at some moments!!!-and would lea e directly+.6hey saw you foreigners and they were claiming whate er they want, if you had from the starts a hamseda&at with social status and aware of the mar&et, (&utah migireftand(,they concluded #ut, the fact that they didn/t when you were alone and helpless isn/t something honouring them..7nother possi#ility is that if we had hamseda&at they would deny marriage something confirmed from what has #een told to all my friends that could function as potential hamseda&at, since this pac&age could not #e presented in that form in front of Iranians),and even in that state of fear we

had the dignity not to let you without protection, but to propose, i wanted even to say sorry and i was ready to take all of my responsibilities towards you and your family, a proposition that i was also denied..A simple house for my family,a car,some 1ewllery, the mirror, sir bahar (few hundrend or e en thousand euros)some appliances, some of the marriage e"penses, a symbolic amount of seke, a holy Furan,an Gmre, and an income are the obligatory terms for an average middle class-high middle class Iranian strictly attached to the customs,and nothing more, and since your main concern was my adaption to the culture, i was not obliged to give forward much more of what an Iranian gives(the o#ligatory part I
mean,the minimum for sa ing the marriage,the alternati e of the

expensi e complete ,ahiFie for half a house in exchange was also a good proposal that ne er happened-after the o#ligatory part,what I would li&e to spend it/s a different story)+4ith absolute respect to

the rules of privacy, and the name of your family, we asked some people from all the social strata and from all the social categories both traditional and modern families (the argument
why you didn/t as& from people from our family or our friends directly doesn/t ma&e sense #ecause we didn/t want to learn who you are #ut we wanted to learn for the pac&age,not #ecause the pac&age was what mattered for us and nothing else, #ut #ecause for you it mattered, more than anything else insomuch if we didn/t accept it you would destroy the marriage as it happened after all, and so we were not a#le to tal& a#out it to your family, #ecause a) we respect your pri acy, #)is not morally correct to discuss for the pac&age, with people &nowing you, instead of discussing a#out your ehla;.c)"ome close of your family may#e were informed for the pac&age and the reasons #ehind it so they would defend the pac&age, d)your family and friends #ecause of your tendency to represent yoursel es as perfect people, insomuch the opinion of the others is what always matters in your narrati e, ha e not a clear picture of you, they &now you partially or superficiallythey would ne er expect you for example to threat human li es. @or all these reasons it was not, a good choice referring to them for help.)

and I was as much ob1ective as I could because I was thirsty, I was dying for someone telling me that the terms were logical, and acceptable, I was desiring sooooooo much, proving to my mom that we made wrong conclusions, and to communicate directly your family, through a third person to say one million sorry and accept that I was fool that I didn#t trust them:.ut a single one didn#t say, !these terms are o& and
you did mista&e for daring to dou#t that they came down from the s&yli&e the holy #oo&s. $ome in the starts gave a haq to you ,(they feared(,told us,the same haq we gave our selves, 'is there a possi#ility that they were fearing0( we were asking.. .ut when we

e"plained them the terms and the situation completely they said that this is something else, something that goes out from the pure framework of marriage, and even if the marriage is included, its not only about marriage, and something else is also there, and:.There#s no reason to deny it anymore: $ome people would easily give their daughters to a foreigner if he was good person and loved her, while some others would difficult give her because of fear, and so they would try to be close to the 'other, and

become friends with him to trust him, they would like to know his family or they would simply say no from the starts, but no one would ask those things to give his or her daughter and even if they did, its not something they would admit publicly, indicating us that these terms, and especially the forward taking of such a high mahr without an e"change of similar value, is not something common or morally acceptable. $ome even shocked and said 'you must doing some mista&e(is impossible someone to take such mahr forward,(if they want to help marriage,if marriage is their sole intention)mahr is related e"clusively with divorce, sir bahar is what you give forward and even in e"treme cases it doesn#t surpass few hundrend or few thousand euro (-. se&e mahrie
forward in the old esfahani families is the exception....#ut what is -. se&e00half a house for ,ahiFie of the same alue is also the exception and its also o&, #ecause #oth sides gi e the same-with the hus#and gi ing -4444 euro more-in extreme cases- #ecause of the marriage expenses, #ut not important, #ecause e en if the girl pays I of what the #oy paid, she pro es that the marriage is 'Jadi( for her and she doesn/t intend to lea e.),here I must add that the fact of

throwing on our backs the cost of the most appliances-which is the most crucial point, the fact that made my family angry as you remember and finally they had right to be so because 1ahi(ie is girls responsibility, especially when she claims half a house, )saying 'from which rousta came the guy told you such
craFy things(, not only is mashare &ardan in our face #ecause e en the Iranian stones &now these things, #ut you seemed to accept these terms, while you should say 'Kassan,we were not right with you I/m sorry(,(we created you fa&e pain for nothing(,I just want marriage, and this is what we exactly excpected at least from you, and we would sol e the rest part and don/t say to me that I tal& emotionally, #ecause another argument used from your side is what a girl will do if her groom lea e0, this argument is also of emotional nature and has nothing to do with the cold calculations, depri ed from any feeling or human alue, regime that imposed on me if I wanted this marriage* shows that 'this family wanted to finish that story with the less damage possi#le( and +marriage is not more important for them from di orce(, it maybe shows that they didn#t have, but if they

didn#t have why they are not more humble in their claims, how you claim half a house of such value when you don#t intend, you don#t have,or you don#t want to fill it completely

with a suitable equipment of similar value3 ,why you didn#t tell us openly there is this and that problem and in this period(we are #uilding a house, we are paying a loan,etc)and we cannot afford the cost of that marriage3, 4ould we ever say no to the marriage, 1ust because you did#nt have money3335555555333&'/=E3333 are we sick people, to prevent life because of money333/ot only we would never do that, but we would hug you like our family with our heart, but if that was the case, and we were informed, you would not claim the fi"ed package, but a non-direct profit guarantee of our choice, so you would never admit that if e"ist ..After all these how could we believe in the holy terms3 how could we be sure for the intentions of your side3 4hy you are accusing us while you know that something was wrong3 Eou don#t know that many things were not the same after my mom came-for the e"clusive purpose of that marriage3 she didn#t have the right to be informed as well3 0ow would you feel if everyone laughed in your face for finding these terms acceptable because of ignorance and love3 0ow would your mother feel if any of her children wanted to marry a girl while everyone was telling-already from Greece- her that with such terms +musahase ke in dokhtar mikhad bere((the
fact that all the time and with a#solute apathy you was telling, no pro#lem if we don/t marry ,or im thin&ing not to marry you, and some 'loo&s( here and there, as if this marriage was ,ust a ,o&e, while at the same time you was as&ing for the money ,it was dangerous to #e honest, it shows a wea& attachment that can #rea& ,ust for fun, so how we can trust forward a property to a person that is not fully dedicated and de oted to her future hus#and and her marriage(how a new hastegari appeared suddenly on ,ust one day00!!!and how so simply you destroyed e erything while we were on search)0 similarly how a good muslim girl says 'you are still a #oy you listening your mom// while she should e en appreciate me for that07nd while she herself shows religious de otion to her family terms, in 34-5 a girl cannot say I want this marriage and I will do it,respect him, accept him and don/t drin& his #lood #ecause I will marry no one else0you could say why you didn/t as well0 #ecause I wasn/t so sure for your feelings as you were a#out mine, and how I could do it when the terms lost their credi#ility0-here I must refer to a wonderful couple from "hiraF little older from us, real example of Persian Lulture and "hia spirituality, the woman told us, they married from lo e, and she paid e erything, he had nothing and in the starts they were sharing an apple in two

#ecause he didn/t ha e money, and he didn/t want her family to help them, #ut with the help of 7llah and their lo e, soon they had e erything ,including two wonderful children, and they cried for my story, they cried for the lac& of ensaniat and the tragic fate of the ghari# (&heili #ad aF Iranian didi(, and they e en said you are not ghari# anymore, and you can come here and stay under our house if its not small for you, without any money, and our family has a lot of good girls that would ne er marry you for ta&ing something, this is the ma,esty of a 3:44 years old ci iliFation, this is the "hia of 7li, the ultimate secret of an erfani approach in life, and this is the perfect wife that deser es her perfect hus#and, a real woman, not someone as&ing the perfect man while herself has no the charisma of the woman, to ser e her lo e, or her maternity and nothing more than that..moreo er, why you were so sure that I will lea e0 It Was a feeling that i would disco er something hidden after marriage0..*and while

the most girls of our generation che chadori ,che mantoi were telling us that they wouldn#t destroy a marriage with some one they like, they communicate, he loves them (to #e
o#,ecti e,the most '#ad( among them added the house-not in their name of course-and the car, whate er car, whate er house) 1ust for economic differences,and that 'in do&htare &e migid estesnast(,

how should we react3saying again::chasm3 &oreover the e"treme reactions of your side, the negative answer while we were still on search(why00we shouldn/t continue our search till
the end0 till we pro e oursel es mista&en if we were indeed mista&en0) and we didn#t say our decision, the strange

behaviour of your family the last two weeks, especially the deadly silence of the last day, your hurrying up to talk for the terms(e en more from your family, its unfair to #lame them for
e erything after all,.. while for other families e en the coming of my family for them would #e enough to #less that marriage,!!* even from

the airport if it was possible555 and the need to apologise to everyone knows(if the pac&age was normal, why someone has to
explain the 'reasons( of that pac&age0 instead of ha ing self confidence for #eing within the area of the 'orf(0) shows people

totally aware for what, they were asking for and its social repercussion ,not naive, pure hearted innocent people that 1ust had a cra(y idea because they care for their girl, without knowing if its morally correct or not-we investigated even that possibility... .ecause if that was the case they would say lets review the terms, lets procceed normally to that marriage, based on a mutually accepted framework ( I

explained some examples destroying the concerns of #oth sides), the

time we lost is precious and all are waiting for that marriage to take place. .ut no, even you went to haram to pray, not for our marriage which was something ready if you had the will to negotiate, but for the acceptance of these terms as they were(here I must refer to the following argument 'if we were
not good people we would go haram to pray0(the answer is yes, #ecause your approach on religion from the moment you went 6ehran and after totally changed as e erything else, it #ecame o#scurantist, simplified and 'horafati(, so according to your new perceptions not doing haram, in the strictly ,udicial meaning of the term, is enough for someone to #e considered a good person, for example according to the law,cheating a non-muslim li&e my mom is not haram, #ut cheating a muslim is, so my mom had to come-im not saying that you made this thought, I ,ust deconstruct the argument-#ut according to Islamic )hla; is totally unaccepta#le to cheat e en polytheists, and this is what I was meaning #y saying that only law separated from ehla;,a;ayed and erfan means nothing,and gi ing importance to only one part of the religion li&e salafis or li&e alawis, although the second ones are morally higher, can #e considered shir& or e en Fanda&a, you cannot ta&e a part of religion that you li&e #ecause it doesn/t critisiFe lo e for wealth, sla ery, exploitation of the other, racism for the poor, high mahr, re,ection of emotions, and $iya-as ehla; does-and say this is Islam as Wahha#is say. 6heres no "hia 7lim that wouldn/t condemn this &ind of faith !!!) .ut what im trying to say3the amount was good(Don/t say the opposite+let other people to say it) and all

those guys investing in real estate even if they are rich(imagine if they are not..),are all the time in need for cash in their pockets to invest, to move forward, to pay loans, to take loans etc and as you saw yourself,when they have no fear of God, they threat that they ll kill, e"ercise violence , and even kidnap, or capture someone, disappointed for losing a vital amount they would take(as I told e erything was
pointing out to your apartment, when we proposed to purchase our own in other area, this marriage started to seem not so good idea from your side, a foreign mushtari was, good chance, who &nows why0 #ut e en it was not needed, how could he contri#ute, to the social ele ation of people that money is important for them, while the wealth owners should not care a#out money and thus not ma&ing in,ustices to other people-as it happened with me for example0) matter what I

was told, the soooooo fi"ed price before the marriage-bring your money and buy as soon as possible because the =uro will fall,in harfe doroust nist,lahneshoun khoub naboud-(are

you really feeling proud for all these things and especially for the threats00 Who was the pro#lematic in all this story finally0 thin& o#,ecti ely for a while...).And I don#t want here to listen about

the papers, because threats were before thinking on them, and what the hell we would do with those papers333and why the hell to do00(or #etter why you wanted these papers0you wanted
to create fa&e case, against me,with these papers or their disappearance, li&e common criminals are doing for ta&ing money 3*

or primitive, 1ahili, roustai and kabylai things about honour, not only because nothing happened,other than H=!IIH'!AD in all cases, social communication intended solely to marriage,not only because life threat is clearly a life threat and life threat has no reason to be said,(exception is the e ent I
would lea e you after marriage, then we would ha e 'a#rou riFi( case and the destruction of your life, #ut now that I didn/t left e en #efore marriage!!, and I was the cheated one who-other than you #y ma&ing them angry- ga e them right to threat me and my family0(cases li&e ours happen thousands e ery day where after a long communication families finally disagree,and no one threats no one li&e ci iliFed human #eings..)out of all the boundaries and limits of any human

society. .ut because even the fact that you spent your time and grew in that time was for us important, practically, even the last moment as I told above we asked from you to put aside every bad intention ,return on the table of negotiations, and discuss everything from the starts, in a normal climate without suspiciousness from any side. 4e had the responsibility of you we wanted to accept you and protect you, you 1ust have to put aside every non transparent intention and start your life as any other normal housewife, no matter what you had in your mind before ,all we wanted was to quit from these terms or at least in that form, but such an attachment with such a specific package and absolute denial for negotiations on the package itself verifies that the package was what matters and not the marriage. If for e"ample we didn#t give you half of an 8A7777 euro value house(of our choice of course -this is out of discussion), it would mean you are beggar3 are ;A<of the girls that don#t take houses to marry and marry because of love or because they have to marry,and nothing else, beggars3 $ay that we gave the house, if the percentage responding to half of a house, was less of your mahr and not e"actly your

mahr and the rest of mahr remained +sleepy,3 you wouldn#t be ensured that something left to you3 which Iranian e"pects to take all of her mahr in case of divorce3 even if her mahr is 8777 seke,in ;7< of the cases nothing more than a house and a car of much less value, will end up in her hands, and this is the final nail in the coffin of the argument that the fi"ed package had to do with the fact I am foreigner (or may#e
it had+.the foreigner is difficult to understand alone what is going on, #ut when he has support he stands on his feet)but there was another argument, a girl in the +Iranian !ulture ((again..this poor Iranian Lulture how much was misused to ,ustify e erything,to an ignorant.. #ande &hoda!!)must live in a house at least like the

one before her marriage as far as concerns space,so.. even if before her marriage she lived in a 677m6 house that she shared with A-J more persons, a hypothetical house of 877m6 for two persons why was not good, although responding in even more space from the one she was using in her previous house3 don#t you think that in all these stuff something was not sooo transparent3 In which sense e"actly you would be beggar as you were claiming, trying to convince us for the rationality of the absurd and even if you were beggar what problem we would have to accept you, and even give you a whole house from our heart-in case we were not asked for that of course3 if we made few pathetic comments-like that for the wall-was not because these things matter for us,but because these things matter for you-and you know that very well,it was because you insulted me many times with such pathetic comments ,(#ut I ne er said
that our ehla; is not matching and don/t call me again ,I was &eeping them in my destroyed heart)and because you were the one

asking for a strictly fi"ed, and thus suspicious as it came out to be, package not us. The girl i wanted to marry,was influenced from bastami and ha11 abdullah,hassan (ade amoli and allameh 1affari,revolutionary,and in cra(y love with imam hussain)as*,artistic,and sensitive,ready to start a life with basics like an income,a house and a car,and finally with the help of Allah and the backing of Ahl Gl .ayt to make a succesful family,by gradually using all the e"isting potentialities,not someone discussing for fi"ed packages and

gold kado at least once a month as a proof of love and loyalty 5555And why you didnt left when you saw that the place of $hia spirituality was replaced from an emirati style medieval fake Islam you would ask....ecause i believe that these attachment to the material has nothing to do with you and is 1ust bad influences from things you listen here and there, and that we could surpass ,every form of $hirk, together in our spiritual and actual travelling ,and that behind those statements the pure girl i met,is staying like that. Kinally i saw my self changing under the e"treme pressure /o brotherhood was there,no rahma for the gharib was there, but enemity and suspiciousness was there:The gharib is the one you loved:to hate55..he had to be e"terminated at all levels, psychologically, financially, and even physically, because he dared to stand up in what separates the Gmmah:Insult it was what I saw, discrimination was what I saw, Larbala was what I saw,and it was painy,and I was crying for the in1ustice, and that the men don#t cry was what I told...ut its wrong,the people of interest and benefit don#t cry,not the men: fi" your life,with what you have and open the path to marry her, is what a real man like your dad would say, not give forward specific amounts-without any e"change to make you feel sure and safe. 'r really they believe I would left you3 'f course they not, the wouldn#t threaten me to abandon the country if they thought that I had intention to leave and it was unimportant for me to stay here, so they didn#t ask the fi"ed amount, based on their uncertainity but on their certainity that I was a good person with pure feelings and I would accept whatever because of my naMve syllogism ,she is good girl and good girls have no mischief in their heart, a good girl with no mischief, grew in a house with no mischief ,therefore everything they tell me is pure and real, you have right I was a bache, but only as far as concerns my innocent perceptions...&agar,only I see how everything can change in a moment and what tragical games the life can play3&agar only I see that all is birth and death,and in the same black cave of unity we are all ending up3what culture3what nationality3what opinion of the wider family, what social

class and what abrou has left when we are 1ust bones3 only love is eternal,and only lonely lovers like Isa)as*,Imam 0ussain)as* and &evlana never die,although people worse from $haitan try to kill them everyday,and say that life must not be dreamy but realistic,while a non dreamy life is a life not worth to be lived. Healism as well is not the ob1ective perception of the creation,as its name imposes us to think,but the ideology,of viewing the world and the people as a field of e"ploitation and conflicting powers. And here is the whole problem..I would never think for e"ample how a marriage could help me and my family, this of course may happen in some cases, but we should never start from that point or rely e"clusively on that to marry .And now,you have all the argumentation you need :.As for me now it doesn#t matter to hate, to feel cheated, to feel the in1ustice allover my body ,who am I not to forgive3 am I the unmistakable3 am I perfect3 didn#t I hide you that I gave a struggle and I suffered a lot to convince my family3 2idn#t I hide you that they thought I was under spells for not seeing the obvious, what everyone else (e en you) was seeing-now I understand why
you feared a#out the opinion of my mother, and why you felt she don/t li&e you, #ecause all of you,my side,your side,and all the Iranians, &new what I didn/t &now-3'n the other hand I didn#t know what

would finally happen, for fear that she was losing me my mother said ok to the terms if and only if her investigation would give positive results(something that I was sure it will happen #ecause I trusted you #lindly*-her in estigation had started
already from <reece-and the omens were bad, something that I was not

aware of till she came to Iran..and told me, you want to marry or you want to buy3 2id I brought you to the world disabled3 and we are giving them a property,-while they are giving nothing- to take you as if you worth nothing3 who takes the seke before marriage,and even if they divorce more times they don#t take either because of weakness, either because the husband is forgiven, the marriage is not determined from the seke. If only I knew I would have informed you and your family earlier,(what are you are as&ing for is impossi#le,it needs deep trust,and a length of time(,it could not function as precondition

for marriage don#t you think3if only I knew,I would turn my heart to stone,and say goodbye forever,without hope (you
didn/t ga e me alternati e you tal&ed me a#out your deep pain and how much it will hurt you,if we said no in that pac&age, and that e erything had to come to an end, and so I suffered all this pain and fight with my family ,li&e ne er #efore, ,ust #ecause of some fa&e terms, and e en the fact that they wanted to protect my house,in <reece, from what was seeming suspicious #eha iour-and it was, made you sad,#ecause you wanted e erything,and me the idiot I was listening you,and #elie ing you instead of finding the strength and the dignity to finish it there,-or at least at the moment you said that you want to chec& my account e ery time my mom will send money!!!-, unless you pro e that you didn/t associate with those terms and fight for their collapse #ut you en,oyed them as well, and you said these are the terms instead of admitting their a#surdity and fight!!)

because where they didn#t feel love, they don#t care for the feelings of someone, it#s 1ust a process, and so someone that never lived it how can understand its importance3 how can he feel that these things are not a business deal , (and it wasn/t
e en that #ecause in a deal you must offer something to ta&e something or no0..). $o I didn#t want to take your three an half

months passed from the day I learned for your fi"ed price, I was 1ust unaware, pretty sure that everything was correct and pure because pure it was from my side, it was so logically presented to me,so natural,and suddenly,everything collapsed under my feet when I reali(ed the truth.&y family,your family,so many families showed me for what it was all about, and I don#t mean something specific ( other than
the fact that it was not something pure and real as I thought)

,because everyone sees it from a particular point of view, if for one side is an immoral fraud, for the other is a morally accepted good deal, but the one sees with the eyes of heart, is always the loser(his innocence was the #iggest loss, from now on
the first thing he Ell discuss with e ery potential wife, will not #e a#out common interests, #ut his ad enture, ta&ing at the same time a signed paper from her that she will ne er as& the 'fixed pac&age without exchange( as precondition to life and happiness)everyone takes

something e"cept him, a family is proud for saving her child from money-thirsty dangerous people, another family is happy for destroying a marriage they considered controversial from the starts, the various advisors-out themselves from such a comple" situation,and thus free to

claim whatever they want-could easily present themselves as morally superior people,and feel proud for the ob1ective,deep, high,and simple values,that e"ist in the heart of every non-evil human believing them or not. . &oreover they may act accordingly when these values are about to be tested and possibly will not destroy the marriage of their children, they will not mediate in their affairs, and maybe a pair of different nationality, culture, race or class will be saved, because they will never like to be the bad guy, in the films, that prevents a marriage doesn#t profit him, because he himself has no access to happiness, he cannot participate for his own reasons in the celebration of nature, and so everything for him is cold calculation in the winter 'f the soulless gold, how can he feel that the spring came, that two people love each other(if it was not one-sided,#ecause if
it wasn/t one-sided there are no many things someone can do to pre ent and destroy) And they want to marry, Allahu Akbar,say

the whole creation,Allahu Akbar for the eternal return of /owru(. A050ow you see how much barakat a real and strong love can spread here and there after it has been defused33: Alhamdulillah55may God bless those who feel love,and struggled for love,and give them one chance, one victory in this world, because they have already won in the other:. The world is full of hatred for the lover,the gharib,the other..And the tyrants of this world,small and big,will do everything possible to destroy him,but he will be always there,as a remorse will follow them,and when their life change to worse and they ll have no power anymore to design the destinies,and prevent love,they ll maybe remember for a while the other,as a glimpse,that leaves this sorrow of why3in a heart,polished for a few seconds, a heart that doesn#t 1ustify anymore with fake e"cuses, and false accusations,the unfair behavior towards the other,but sees with her half opened eye that the other not only was not dangerous, but the only real friend can someone have, a small manifestation of the Absolute 'ther:Im not praising myself of course,as the pure representation of love and I would like to forget this story,forgive each other and

generally say to your family to let everyone and everything that is associated with me behind,I respect you and them and we would never talk for you in someone, by name,other than foulani hanevade. 4hat happened happened and our principle is to keep it for our selves, if we didn#t reach the level of threats, it would never cross our families as well, but the need, was that pushed us to take some safety measures and we are sorry even for that, but we left with no other choice: Ierhaps, my assumptions are partially wrong, it doesn#t matter anymore, perhaps it was something much worse, evil and dangerous from what we thought, perhaps it was not evil at all, in any case these terms and the way they were imposed was not morally correct, but since we don#t know what problems e"ist in a house, and what drives some people to do something, and therefore we should not so simply delete people that we shared so much, and condemn them in hell and consider them fundamentally evil while their motives are maybe good in nature, although their manner -was the wrong one-your pride I must admit, is rare, and what the others think your most high value, so we could never have access to the full picture, and because we would never want to make in1ustice to anyone, and make a final conclusion that its not fair and simply leave, we took the decision to communicate you, for one last time, and clarify everything, to know yourselves how and why we finally re1ected the package. This decision, was not taken because of emotional dependence, or because of weakness to start a new life ,or because of fear, on the contrary:It was taken solely on the basis of what can be described as a +sense of responsibility,, a first manly act in the life of a bache, a proof that I had never intention to leave if that marriage had took place, and a honest will to make known, that if something real and deep is there, pain, and trying to forget is not the only road left.. $o please don#t let your family communicating me, again,Gnless, if it is for undertaking our duties towards you and them of course, in a normal framework, not different from what an Iranian family asks for the marriage of their child, plus one (amanat that doesn#t

raise suspiciousness, or an e"change that heals it, with no suspiciousness, no bad intentions ,no fake things like lu"ury, no personal interest, but only marriage and nothing else, then they can communicate my mother, and become sure for everything they have doubted, through the following Iersian-Greek speaking persons, all of them are informed on the events, and we find it fair to listen and your own narrative, e"cept ours, so in case that you are really interested in solving and review the issue and for no other reason ,they will e"pect you to communicate them ..