Too Young To Be Married: Good Or Bad? Hello my friends. First of all, please attention me.

In the occasion Id like to speak about too young to be married: good or bad. As we know that there are many people who married in young age under the 20th. However in this discussion I would like to talk from different side. To begin with, let me say that on one hand young married is one method of avoid sex. Because now pornography material so easily accessible, and the high increase promiscuity. So, one of method to avoid pregnancy outside of married is married in young age. Beside that, young married can avoid sex, and prevent the outbreak of HIV AIDS among adolescents. On other hand, young married may cause many negative effects. One of them is disharmony in the marriage and dangerous consequences especially for women's health. Disharmony in the young married because of they not ready to face the responsibilities that must be done as an adult. If we married in young age, we must be ready to face any problems in family life. Such as economic problems, couple problems, and also child problem. Beside that, they who married in young age not enough capable to solve the problem in the mature. In addition young married can be dangerous for women health at risk for cervical cancer because the cells uterus immature. So far, too young to be married have become a dilemma for countries. On one hand, it can avoid sex but on the other hand, it brings consequence for disharmony in family and can be dangerous for womens health. POSSITIVE POINTS:

To avoid sex and to avoid pregnancy outside of married Prevent the outbreak of HIV AIDS among adolescents.

NEGATIVE POINTS:

Often the divorce at a young age Can be dangerous for women health at risk for cervical cancer

In conclusion, for all these reasons we say that too young to be married many positive and negative effects. When we married in young age not too bad but but we should be thinking more if you want to get married young.

GENERIC STRUCTURE:

Title : To Young To Be Married Issue : First of all, please attention me. In the occasion Id like to speak about too young to be married: good or bad. As we know that there are many people who married in young age under the 20th. However in this discussion I would like to talk from different side.

Argument for Point : To begin with, let me say that on one hand young married is one method of avoid sex. Because now pornography material so easily accessible, and the high increase promiscuity Elaboration : Because now pornography material so easily accessible, and the high increase promiscuity. So, one of method to avoid pregnancy outside of married is married in young age. Beside that, young married can avoid sex, and prevent the outbreak of HIV AIDS among adolescents. Argument against Point : On other hand, young married may cause many negative effects. Elaboration : One of them is disharmony in the marriage and dangerous consequences especially for women's health. Disharmony in the young married because of they not ready to face the responsibilities that must be done as an adult. If we married in young age, we must be ready to face any problems in family life. Such as economic problems, couple problems, and also child problem. Beside that, they who married in young age not enough capable to solve the problem in the mature. In addition young married can be dangerous for women health at risk for cervical cancer because the cells uterus immature. Conclusion : So far, too young to be married have become a dilemma for countries. On one hand, it can avoid sex but on the other hand, it brings consequence for disharmony in family and can be dangerous for womens health.

Too Young To Be Married: Good or Bad?

First of all, I would like to thank Mr. Tanto and all my friend because it give me time for presenting information and opinion about controversy of married young. If we observe, at this period we sometimes found the case of married young. That became the question, is married young good or bad? What will happen with their household later? It have different opinion. On the one hand, the person believe that marry young has the positive side. By the marrying young they can avoid from the risk of being pregnant and unmarried because the free association. In arranging his household they became more independent and mature. They will work more active to satisfy his requirement and will not load their parents again because that not parents's responsibility. For the person who do not agree, married young is not good. They regarded that marrying young had many negative impacts. If they really were not yet ready to marry then they could not be on duty at his household well. They will often quarrel so as their household was not harmonious because at the young age the level of the egoist and emotions were still high. Economically, they were not yet established. So, they cant satisfy the requirement for his household. Marry young gives the positive impact to the young if they can overcame well but it can gives the negative impact if they not yet ready to marry.

Too young to be married: good or bad?

Hello every body, First, I would say thanks for all of you who have attend and read my blog. Especially who have read this and to my english teacher, Mr.T who have teaching me about "discussion". So i can make this test. In this text I would give my opinion about "Too young to be married: good or bad?" As you see, there has been a great deal of discussion on the problem of married young in this country. In this discussion I would like to talk from different side. Many reasons that people tend to marry young. Some have arranged by the parents, that really wanted to get married, the age range of children are not too far away, want to have children, even some who were forced to marry young because to cover the shame of his actions. On the other hand, there was a young man who was married to their negative effect. As psychology is not ready to navigate the ship of life, both biologically not to reproduce. The end they often fight and eventually they will get divorced, because they are emotionally unstable.They are also economic factors did not fulfill their lives, they ultimately rely on their parents.Other impacts after they divorced child conceived will be canceled or will remove their children after birth later. So far,from these reason, TOO YOUNG TO BE MARRIED :BAD OR GOOD? up to you to consider it cause you know what the best for yourself. married too young,what should i do.leave or fix it? Samodimo Posted: 28 Feb 2009 01:02 AM

[ Ignore ]

Shy Total Posts: 2 Joined 28 Feb 2009

i am 21 i got married when i was 20 and my husband is 33,but now i have a really strong feeling that this may have been the worst mistake of my life.i only have one child with my husband.I really feel that i married him for the wrong reasons maybe for security or to get away from my parents control.My husband and i dont really have a lot of things in common or very incompatible,we always argue n neva agree on anything.He is also very insensitive about things he says to me.Well just recently he was telling how much i dont take care of his child and he doesnt care if i hate him for saying that.OK,i am not upset about that because i know its not true.what upsets me is that i ran away from my parents house when i was 19 and i never went to college as i was supposed to,i went to stay with him and ever since then i have never worked or done anything for myself.When we got married he promised my parents to take me to school but its still not possible.I feel trapped in this marriage,i feel i got into this blindly as a naive teenager,i truly wish i could turn back time n rethink my life dont get me wrong ilove my son n dont regret ever having him,he is the only thing that keeps me sane.there is so many thnigs i want to do but cant because he doesnt approve of them,he doesnt even think i should go to college he thinks its a waste of time.I really need some help and advice on this issue i am so confused i dont know what to do.Please if there is anyone who went through the same situation please reply and let me know on how you handled it.

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Jo Frequent Poster

Posted: 28 Feb 2009 02:20 AM [ Ignore ] [ # 1 ] While reading it it sounds like a horrorstory to me. Well, you always make mistakes in life - some serious ones some less serious. You actually spotted one of them. There are things you cant just undo. To me it sounds as if you are just his tool to get what he wants I mean his child ...making empty promisses, calling college a waste of time. As if he doesnt want you to be able ever standing on your own feet, being bound to him, just to serve the baby as mother so to speak. Total Posts: 214 Well I wont comment any more on your marriage and I wont tell you Joined 09 Feb what I consider to be wrong there, because I dont think there is anything 2009 right indeed. I wasnt ever in your situation, I think you would be grateful if your parents took you back - I am convinced you would do your best at college, because you simply learned your lesson there. And your parents would be probably happy you got on in this respect. But I dont know about your baby. You will be willing to bring it up still, wont you? I see a big negative point there, because you are 21, dont have a job, neither a valuable degree whatsoever. He on the other hand is 33, financially secure I guess and so on bad chances. Well I think you should get some professional help there which tells you what is best. This is a trap indeed. I dont see a solution you would agree to at once, there is no switcher, I just can advice you to get professional help. But maybe there are other members who can possibly give you a better

advice due to more experience.

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Squeezy Fully Addicted

Posted: 28 Feb 2009 04:11 PM Gosh, you sound trapped.

[ Ignore ] [ # 2 ]

I have been with my OH since I wa 18 and have never felt the way you describe. I dont think it is a case of you got married to young I think you just married the wrong guy. :( If you really feel like you cant be with him anymore (and please, give it a Total Posts: 784 last chance if you need to!) then you need to leave, and take your child Joined 05 Sep with you. If you have money of your own (?) start putting some aside, so if after you give it another try, things still dont work out then you have some 2008 money to go with. Good Luck. Signature Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

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Chatterbox Community Superstar

Posted: 11 Mar 2009 03:36 AM Hi Samodimo,

[ Ignore ] [ # 3 ]

All I can do is offer you my perspective on what I can see from what youve written. Its not advice as such but just looking at things from anothers point of view and perspective. Im having a lot of problems expressing what I mean today so Im sorry if Total Posts: 1213 this makes little sense. Ill do my best however and hope to give a Joined 29 Nov reasonable explanation. 2008 My perspective from what youve written is that its about control more than anything else. You left your parents to get out from under their control and are now in a controlling relationship. The experience with your parents and this relationship is giving you the opportunity to find within yourself where you are not in control of your experience and allowing others to take control. Many of us have had the experience of this. Its easy to look at your situation and cast blame upon your husband but in all honesty it takes two for this situation to arise. I mean absolutely no disrespect to you in saying that It is something I realized in my own previous relationship - while he was very controlling, I also allowed him to be, therefore no one person was at fault. It happens and until we reach a point of knowing what is actually going on within ourselves its very hard to put right to a wrong.

Becoming self empowered changes the outlook greatly. A self empowered person knows what they want and is assertive about that, while still considering the needs and wants of others. Try looking at these experiences as good ones in that, while its quite horrible, it is giving you the opportunity to take control of your life and where you want to be and what you want to experience in it. Whether you decide to stay with your husband or not it means you wont go on either way having more experiences of the same nature Unless you learn how to take control of your life other people will keep doing it regardless of what you want. It would do you enormous benefit to read books on self empowerment and how to take the initiative to take control without your life becoming a battle of wills. What you want is a solution and you recognize the controlling experience is not what you want, but are unable to take control yourself. The books would help greatly in showing you how to become more self aware and self empowered. Being self informed enables you to be more assertive - that way when in discussions with your husband, you already have the solutions and arent struggling to find them in an emotional moment. So you are more able to be in control of yourself and how it is being discussed. Also. Consider well that he gains control by using things that he considers will be taken personally by you. Turn what he says around in your way of thinking. When he makes a remark about your mothering skills for instance and says he doesnt care if you hate him for it, you can turn that around in your mind and not take it as a personal assault. Where in fact you can use what hes saying as a tool for yourself to see where hes working from. When he said that he may have genuinely felt it to be true. It doesnt matter whether it is or not, what matters is that you have an understanding of how his train of thought is working. Turn it around and take the focus back off you onto him - it is after all just how hes working not you. Rather than defense or being defensive ask him questions about what hes saying. You could have asked him, is it true that you dont care if I hate you? What is it thats really bothering you? What is about my child raising that makes you believe Im not a good mother? DONT YELL! Ask quietly and in a positive manner. That way youre letting him know youre not interested in arguing with him, what you are interested in is learning the truth of what he thinks and feels. He may well not like it at first because it means he has to be open and honest not only with you but himself. Its hard to do that when youve been allowed to just be forceful and controlling someone else (which in itself is being out of control - so its not only you Sam thats not in control, he too is not, as hes way out of control) Does that make sense? Again with the college debate ask him questions. Ask things like, is it

true it would be a waste of time, what makes you think that? What is it that youre afraid will happen if I go to college? (because it may well be that he is afraid you will meet someone else! The controlling nature of people is generally brought about through their own fears and insecurities.) Ask other things like, Where do you see yourself in our relationship? What did you expect to have in our relationship? What are your expectations of me? Do you think it is beneficial for us as a couple for you to disapprove of what I want to do? (This enables then for you to question him further regarding why he feels the way he does.) All this is allowing you to not only have a greater insight into where hes working from but also to make further decisions for yourself in whether or not the relationship is suitable for you AND ALSO, allowing you to be more in control during your discussions. Again this is just my perspective of things and if you dont think at this point you are able to do it, as Jo says seek some professional help for yourself and Squeezy is probably right, as it will just continue if you cant find a way for yourself through it all. Professional help can also give you the ongoing training to teach you how to be more assertive and also work through what youre feeling. Let us know how you go and what your thoughts are. Sending you hugs and I hope youre ok. There is no expectation or pressure on you to do anything, so if you just want to talk about it more please do so, were all great listeners if you just need an ear to hear you. Signature A few bolts short of the full machine but still going

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kezflake Community Superstar

Posted: 16 Mar 2009 10:15 PM [ Ignore ] [ # 4 ] I think your situation sounds shocking and unbearable, I understand you wanted to get away from he control of your parents but if it is what you want then you are young enough to start again. There has to be compromise in any relationship and no one should stand in the way of you wanting to achive your goals as you are still your own person.

Of course when a child is involved it limits your options somewhat but you can still have some independence, I think you should look after yourself Total Posts: 1438 and learn to grow as a person that way you will be an inspiration to your own child too and I think chatterbox offered excellent advice on this. Joined 29 Oct 2008 Signature
If people are to think animals do not feel then surely animals are to feel people do not think! Anon

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Aeyna Posted: 17 Mar 2009 07:00 AM [ Ignore ] [ # 5 ] Breaking the Ice Your message shows a lot of uncertainty, regret, and hopelessness. Those emotions are telling you something. Theyre saying, this is not right. This Total Posts: 22 is not where you should be. Accept that inner wisdom and start to plan. Joined 07 Mar Dont wallow. Think about what youd do if there were no limits of time, 2009 of money, of daycare. Try to paint a vivid picture of what you want and explore it. This isnt the same as daydreaming. Dont idealize things. Really put some thought into it. (College is a lot of drudgery at times. Sitting with 4 open text books at 2 A.M., with exams at 8 A.M., is not a picnic.) What would you like to do as a career, for example? Its important to be self-directed as much as possible. So often we surrender to others, hoping theyll throw us a bone. But see, I get the impression your husband doesnt want you go to college because he fears youll meet a man your own age and hell lose you. A 33 year old man who feels the need to have a 19 year old girlfriend is not confident and secure in himself. Is he the jealous type? I bet he is. Im not saying you should leave your husband or do this or that, but you need to get over the idea that you are stuck. Youre only as stuck as you let yourself be.

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12jade12 Posted: 04 Nov 2009 11:42 AM [ Ignore ] [ # 6 ] Breaking the Ice I think you werent ready to get married at your age. Being stuck with your parents makes you do crazy things and this is one of em. You should have Total Posts: 15 been patient with your parents because you know what they say, parents Joined 03 Nov will not do anything to harm their children, it is all for your own good. By 2009 the time hes 40, youll only be 26 and thats a HUGE gap. You couldve enjoyed life more but now youre stuck in a marriage youre beginning to have doubts with. Are you both religious people? Signature Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue.

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L&L Posted: 26 Apr 2010 03:43 AM [ Ignore ] [ # 7 ] Breaking the Ice I MARRIED AT AGE 13 TO A MAN THAT WAS EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE AND LATER BECAME A DRUG ADDICT. I HAD 4 KIDS Total Posts: 14 BEFORE I TURNED 18 BECAUSE I COULDNT USE BIRTH Joined 19 Apr CONTROL FOR HEALTH REASONS AND HE DIDNT CARE. HE 2010 WAS VERY CRITICAL OF MY BODY AND LACK OF SCHOOLING. HE WORKED AND PROVIDED FOR ME AND OUR 4 CHILDREN

BUT THAT WAS IT. HE CHEATED OPENLY TOO, ALWAYS SAYING I COULD NEVER LEAVE HIM BECAUSE WITHOUT HIM I WAS NOTHING. I CONTINUED TO BE A LOVING WIFE TO HIM AND A GOOD MOTHER ALL THE WHILE I HAD A FIVE YEAR PLAN. FIRST I GOT MY LICENSE THEN I GOT MY G.E.D. AS SOON AS I WAS OLD ENOUGH AND THEN ENROLLED IN COLLEGE. I TOOK CARE OF MY KIDS THEN I WORKED TO EARN MONEY WHENEVER I COULD. I GRADUATED COLLEGE AND GOT A GOOD JOB. I SAVED AND SAVED UNTIL ONE DAY I BOUGHT A HOUSE AND MOVED OUT. DIVORCED HIM AND NEVER LOOKED BACK, OF COURSE I MARRIED ANOTHER THEN ANOTHER ALL 3 JUST LIKE HIM AND WORSE. NOW I HAVE CAREFULLY CHOSEN A MAN THAT IS GOOD TO ME AND I HOPE TO SPEND FOREVER WITH HIM.

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jusmadeit21 Active Member Total Posts: 32 Joined 12 Jun 2010

Posted: 16 Jun 2010 08:52 AM [ Ignore ] [ # 8 ] Gosh this situation just sounds bad from any angle you put it. For you I am sorry to hear this. I had a friend that was in a similar situation. She married at 18 a man who was fairly older than her after only dating him for 2 months. They were so in love and comfortable around each other and just ready. Although I was engaged at 19, my circumstances were completely different. I had been dating my husband for over 3 years. We had been through ups and downs and seen each others worst side and were able to work through it. I was trying to explain this to her because in the first two months, you dont have any traumatizing arguments that make you re think the relationship? Everythings just sweet and nice. Of course after I believe less than 5 months of marriage she had cheated and they were ready to call it quits. It made me so sad in my heart. Being a Christian, I believed God designed marriage to be to a man and a woman and for life. He also saved sex exclusively for marriage. And he did this for a reason. When people have sex out of marriage or have multiple marriages, so many complicated and painful issues come up. Hurt, pain, different moms and dads for different kids, step children, finding out children arent years, the whole 9 yards. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime bond. It saddens me that hear in the USA, the divorce rate for married couples is 50% Coming from that point of view, as regards to the marriage, I would say to try and work it out. As with my friend, I heard her say one of the reasons for leaving was that they argued all the time. Well I could respond and say that me and my husband used to argue all the time. And no its not a happy place to be. But we had to actually sit down and talk about what was causing all these arguments. Hear each other out and try to work towards fixing it. BOTH PEOPLE HAVE TO WANT TO WORK ON THINGS, IT

CANT JUST BE ONE. However, as for him having you under control, that needs to stop. I mean, I believe the husband should be the head of the home if he is leading in a Godly way. Telling you that you cant go to school to better yourself is just ridiculous. I think you should go to college or get training, whatever it is that you want to do. If you want to take on a job, he shouldnt hinder you for no reason. I understand that you married him to get out from controlling parents, my parents were also controlling, but I dont think that it was just because you were young. I think its all about mindset. Some people may still be making the same mistake you made at 30, its just all about mindset. I wish you the best and you will be in my prayers

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your_girl Posted: 18 Jun 2010 02:58 PM [ Ignore ] [ # 9 ] Breaking the Ice i think there are always possibilities to change, to do things differentwe change all the time maybe after 30 not so drasticully, but in the time Total Posts: 13 from 20 to 30, there are milion things we all want to do. finish school, get a Joined 01 Jun good job, anough money, get a car, get a house, get married, get a child 2010 A LOT of things you started somewhere in the middle..but i do not see no problem, cause of that. of course it would be easier if you would start here : finish school, get a good job, rent an appartment....live alone for some time, get your thoughts togetherand than somewhere somehow somebody might knock on your door and get married and have children if you want to go to school, start working on it. if you do not have any money, start searching for a job. you still need to learn : to become adult. adult means taking responisbilities for your self, your baby. if you do not have any money, its hard to make any mestakes. and being at home thinking and crying would change anything. you need to stand up, say to yourself : i will get there ! and than start working on it ! you will need a lot of patience, perrsisatnce, acting skills, passion, courage and will.i am sure you can made a difference in your life !

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reena Valued Contributor Total Posts: 68 Joined 06 May 2010

Posted: 12 Jul 2010 11:21 AM Hi Samodimo,

[ Ignore ] [ # 10 ]

I just read your post, and I come from a place where this is still a problem. I do agree with Chatterbox. Do not look upon this as his fault, and then jump into divorce that is not always the best solution. Imagine you have a son, who is depended on you. I have seen such men who likes to take control over women not because they dont love u less but thats just how

they are. You have to prove to your husband that you can do things yourself and that you can think for yourself. Maybe he is just worried that if you start studying you will neglect your child and maybe him. Men at times feel threatened by women. Talk to him, tell him you want to study and that you wont let it affect your family. Ask his opinion and try to get him involved. By asking his opinion, praise him a bit saying you know these things much better than me so please help me etc. Hope this helps.

Too young to be married: good or bad?

Hello ladies and gentlemen, In this occasion I would like to speak about "too young to be married: good or bad? As you see, there are many forum of discussion about young marriage with many pro and contra argument from many resources. To begin with, let me say that on one hand they are pro with it, because they have some argument, that is: From the western scientist research, a couple who had young married will be happy better than old married. Because our positive emotional still in great quantities so we can endure our marriage. Because of our adolescent imitate the western culture, some people afraid if they will make some mistake like sexual outside before marriage. Fulfill their biological necessary, with rightful. Decrease spreading sex disease. Decrease the abortion rate in the adolescent circle. On the other hand, young married may cause many negative effects: The young married are not too good. Many problem causes when the early pregnancy. The baby will be born premature. Because of marriage not only love, but also the steady of financial. Increase the die rate of women cause young married are not enough age to pregnant. Increase the divorce rate. So far, young married have become a dilemma for countries. On one hand, it can bring good effect but on the other hand it brings terrible consequence.