Act 2 Part 1 Reporter : It Appears the caped crusader has taken on a ward(orphan), Thats right Robin the boy

wonder, And this bird boy has all of gothem a flutter. We here at channel 7 have taken to the streets to find out what gothem has to say about the Dark Knights not so Dark new pal.... Fade to Black... Citizen 1 : ( Not sure what character shes supposed to be) Aww yeah robin eurgh... what do I think about robin. Citizen 2 :(construction worker) Aw that mans hanging out with some fuckin kid now what do I think about thaaaaat..? Citizen 3 (professor/scholor) What can I say about robin that hasn't been said already? ( all the while these characters are acting out their professions. As if they were caught in everyday activity for a news interview by the newsteam. Three stand side by side in the centre of the stage) Citizen 1: It's Plain to me that , Citizen 2: I might be the only one that thinks this but eh.. Citizen 3 :I'm pretty sure everyone agrees that... All together : ROBIN SUCKS... Citizen 2: Batmans a loner you know but now hes running around telling jokes with some kid its like...eurgh don't do that Citizen 3:Wheres the kids pants?.. Nerd 1 :(comic nerd) Batman should always be a solitary figure. As the concept of a child crime fighter is ridiculous.. it ruins the gritty realism of man who fights crime dressed as a bat. Nerd 2 : So say we all Excelsior (Ex-cel-si-or). Nerd 1: Amen to that. Both nerds sing : Batman doesn't need a sidekick undermines his whole aesthetic , Whole thing just gives me a headache robin SUCKS. (All move offstage fade to black light in corner phone rings as Superman enters.) Over Head :You've reached the voicemail of ,, Bruce-man , I mean Bat-wayne, I mean Bat , Aww fuck .. please leave your message after the tone .BEEEP. Superman:Hey batman, Its superman so I heard about your new sidekick .thats cool, so your copying me again ? I mean everyone remembers my sidekick ,,.... Crypto the superdog ? Then growing up that super dog was a supermans best friend. Then we moved to metropolis and he started chasing cars and destroying cars and eh leaving some super poops on the floor of my not so super (efficiency) > Then he super humped loius leg and put her in that full body cast and that was kinda strike three for Crypto. So I moved him to a pen in the fortress, but I guess he couldnt take the solitude. He wanted to run , not be cooped up, so he ran off on me...i miss that dog.. speaking

of missing things where were you for the Solman grundy thing on monday(reference to a party or something relevant can be used here ) turned out to be smaller than I expected just a couple of cool guys... me and .. solman grundy .. well anyways just give me a call back .. ( dog howls ) Superman: Crypto???? (fade to black ) (open back into song Robin sucks) Citizen 1 : EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT ROBIN SUCKS!!! Citizen 3 :ooo i'll take one of those. Citizen 4 :i'll take one of those mam. Citizen 1 :there you are Citizen 4 :Thank you (All stand centre stage with newspapers in hands blocking faces only bringing them down when singing ) Commissioner Gordon :He may be a solid dude, Citizen 1 : but Batman he needs solitude. Citizen 4 :Robin makes him fricken Cute , All: Robin sucks! Citizen 3:Tanya said Citizen 5:that Larry said Citizen 4 that sarah said citizen 1 :he wets the bed. Comissioner Gordon :He probly does, hes only ten, All: Robin sucks! Commissioner Gordon: Now get out of my office All :grumple and moan Commissioner Gordon: Yehp I live here (enter robin ) Robin : Another Criminal commissioner , I caught this ruffian trying to download photoshop onto more than one computer. Nerd 2 :I'd like to speak to my lawyer. Robin:(Smacks the nerd) Quiet you.. Commissioner Gordon: eyhya Thanks robin but eh Where are your pants? Robin: Pants are a luxury , my costume is designed to be aerodynamically perfect. Commissioner Gordon: Eurgh God you suck.

Robin : (confronting C G ) If I were to wear pants it would decrease my crime fighting capabilities by 20 % I can't afford that can you ? Commissioner Gordon : Well Jeese if you can't afford a pair of pants I'll give you mine...let me just get em off here (CG pulls down trousers)(meantime robin runs off ) here you go HEY where'd he go??.. he just vanished. (back into song) Robins arent scary, theyre completely ordinary. Might as well call him canary, freakin Robin sucks! Robins arent common, theyre the state bird of Wisconsin. So, what else do you need to know, Robin sucks! BOING Song ends Rachel Daws : Help help somebody help me. Robin: I know that sound all to well. Thats the sound of an innocent soul falling victim to the worlds injustice.... Well its time for the robin to swoop in GRACING DIVE Rachel Daws: Help help somebody please help me. Robin : Mrs Rachel Daws of the D.A's office , well dont worry I'm here to help. Rachel Daws : Awgh thank god oh...robin.... great I wanted help not a baby sitting gig. Just when I thought this mugging couldn't get any worse. Mobster : Yeaaah Ahh Yeaaah eurgh eerrugh....(Attacking Stance) Robin Stand down sir or i'll be forced to use force.... Good heavens sir you look ill. Mobster :Yourgh erugh (Collapses into robins arms) Robin : Oh my heavens to betsy . This man needs a doctor. He has to go to the hospital so he can go to jail.(sarcastic tone) (REF. YOUTUBE ACT2 PART 1 ,4:48) Mobster: The boss said the pain would go away , that my tum tum wouldnt hurt no more... Robin : Whats the matter with your tum tum Mobster : ITS FRICKEN UPSET..!!!

Robin , Rachel Daws : (Show astonishment) Mobster: The boss he mades me eat . Robin : What What did he make you eat ?... Mobster: Ppp..pp.pop rocks... and.....coka.... Colaaa.. Robin : Pop Rocks and a Coke ?...... (picks up and shoves mobster offstage) MRS DAWS GET DOWWWWN... (Dives to opposite direction than mobster was thrown, stage goes dark explosion heard ) Cackle of laughter in the darkness Sweetooth : (Continuing laughter) I always like to enter on a bang Robin : (startled ) eurgh who are you ?.. Sweetooth : Me?.. Why im the one who's been feeding gothems craving for Chaos.. Haven't you and batman enjoyed my latest batch of M&Ms(uses bag of m&ms as prop)...Murder and Mahem... there they are (shakes bag). Robin : Gothem city still has a Sweetooth .? Sweetooth: Thats me . Robin: And you're the one behind all the new villians in Town. Sweetooth: Oooo Arent you a Smarty (use packet of smarties as a prop) Robin: Ooo I like these ( Grabs smarties from Sweetooth) Sweetooth: Good Goood.... Robin Eurgh (composes himself) Well your sugar high is over Sweetooth, and you're right about to crash...., into Arkham Asylum that is.., Get ready to trade your peppermint patty for a padded cell Sweetooth: Ohhh Your the one thats nutty if you think that I'm going to the nut house my (Reference to another chocolate bar (Almond Joy wonder) Robin: .. Eurgh I Dont like these... Sweetooth: Well perhaps you'll enjoy my next batch Get him my sour patch kids. Sourpatch (Gob) 1: Bout time we candy coated this robins breast red. Sourpatch (joe)2: Were gonna tear out your jelly bellyyy...

Robin : Mrs Daws Go I'll take care of the lollipop guild. Mrs Daws : Thanks Robin... Now I feel bad for thinking you suck... Robin : Just Go Sweetooth : Oh you're not going anywhere mrs Daws... Gob Stopper (Use Gobstopper candy as Prop) Robin : Im Sorry Gob .. But i'm the only Jaw Breaker around here. Robin Punches Gob. Sweetooth : Do I have to do everything around here myself?.. Hand me my Bazooka Joe.. Now God Dammit..... How dya work this thing (pretend fires it at Mrs Daws. Altho she doesn't actually get hit by anything everyone acts as if something were shot at her.) Mrs Daws: That Bazooka is shooting my legs with Bubble Gum(Directed at the audience... Mmm I Can't Move ehm... They're Wrapped in bubbalicious. (Pretends to eat some ) Robin : Mrs Daws .. and I thought I was a gum-shoe . Giggle from offstage Candy Enters Candy : Now thats what I call a sticky situation (giggle) hah sticky ?.. haha (Giggle ) Sweetooth : you said it candy.. Well what do you think robin..? Doesn't candy here look good enough to eat . Shes my little Sugar Baby (sweet used as reference again ) Candy : Yeah and he's my SweetArt(Again sweets used as props ). Sweetooth: (angry grabs Candy) I'm THE ONE WHO MAKES THE CANDY PUNS AROUND HERE.... GOT IT (smacks candy and she falls) Robin: Oh oh miss did he hurt you ?.. Candy : No, It felt like a KISS(hersey's kisses used ) Robin: A Kiss what could it mean?. Candy : Take this Bird Boy HIIYEAH.. Robin : Noooooooooooo Candy : So Whattaya say ST.. shall we kill him Now or Later ( Sweet used as prop)

Sweetooth: No no no I have plans for this little chicklet..(sweet used as prop) Take 5 (sweet used as prop) BOYS... we got a long night ahead of us... Candy be a dove(sweet used as prop) and tell my troops to advance on Gothem square.... Get ready my darling deluded dark night it's gonna be hot tomolay (sweet used again as prop) in the old town tonight . (Laughs until fades to darkness)

Act 2 part 2 Open part 2 , Batman typing away at imaginary typwriter O'Malley: Mail sir Batman: thank you O'malley hmmm lets see what weve got here... Bills bills bills.... hey whats this .. it's a letter from spiderman ..i bet it's about that lousy ass slow plane that I sent him. Dear Bats, Thanks for the offer but I wont be able to take the plane off of your hands, I don't have anywhere to ...Stick it. (batman breaks down into laughter ) contd. love your friendly neighbourhood spiderman p,s I'm a huge fan I follow you on the web...(breaks down into laughter again Batman: Wow what a sweet heart... you know what . This is going straight up on the bat fridge, quick o malley... to the bat fridge. There I put it right next to robins great drawing that I gave an A + +++ + + + + + + + xoxoxoxox O'Malley: Right sir , i'll take this rubbish away, .. News papers... most of the time they're a waste of time . Batman : O malley ./... I want to read the funnies. O'Malley : wait eh let me read them for you .. (Dewubs )(cant understand ) Cowworkers have made a quip at his expense Batman Laughing O'malley: Will that man ever iron his tie Batman : (laughing ) that sounds funny , give it to me . O'malley: wait no sir please Batman : What ?... robin the boy blunder ?.. whats this ?.... (opens paper) Batmans new sidekick is a lame cheery cheesy fruity fruitcake ?. With no pants .. and a hamburgler mask He ruins the once beloved Dark and gritty Batman ? Robin ruin batman ? But thats not true ?

Robin make batman happy . O M why would somebody write something like this ? O M : Well I ah... I suppose they think hes stupid. Batman: Hahaha.. Thats ridiculous whats stupid about a happy little boy flying around gothem city spreading cheer to all of the people . O M: well when you put it that way you cant blame em I mean almost everything is stupid at ... Batman : WHAT?... robins not stupid You're stupid O M : Hey Batman: You've always hated robin havent you ? Don't think I haven't noticed , but your bat fighting days are over... Get OUT of the bat cave you drunken slob. Your fired. O M : You're getting lost in this Crazy character of yours , But if thats what you bloody want then fine . Batman : FINE O M : Good Batman: Great OM : I'll pack my things, Batman: Don't bother i'll have them burned OM : Fuck You Batman : FUCK YOOOUUUUUU..... OM Exits Batman : eurgh huh hamburgler mask this doesn't make any sense . huff... (Chinese dude enters Possibly OM in Disguise . We'll call him OMC) OMC: Oh HeRRO... Batman : How, Who are you and how did you get into the bat cave ! OMC: Oh forgiverness pwrease... The agency just sent me over My name is Quan Leee, the Chinese Butler. Batman: Ahh good to meet you Quan Lee ., I'm Batwayne... Eurgh, I'm Bruceman FUCK.... IM BATMAAAAAAN........ im in a bad mood.

Siren OMC: Oh the Bat Awarm Sir. Batman: You're right . Put it up on the big screen OMC: very good Reporter: We interrupt this special new years Broadcast of notting hill for a special news bulletin less than thirty minutes ago gothem square was taken hostage by a force of heavily armed thugs amongst the rogues some of batmans most deadly foes have been spotted including catwoman killer moth maxi zues and the steadfasting soldier, police are trying desperately to rescue the 3000 plus citizens being held hostage. Scene Change`````````````````````````````````````````````` commissioner gordon: Send in the choppers (unknown Character): It's Elementary gordon you're no match for my heat ray .. Explosions commissioner gordon : Get those choppers out of here... im such a boob... reporter Contd: But up until now police have been unable to penatrate the barracade of rogues surrounding the square. And just ten minutes ago we here at channel 7 received this video footage from the rogues ring leader and we have been demanded to air it , I warn you it is disturbing. Sweetooth: (singing )Who can take the sun rise and sprinkle it with BLOOD.. well gothem city its me Sweetooth time for your fav..... TwoFace: (interrupting ) And TwoFace... Sweetooth: Beat it two face Two Face: Wait but ugh...(walks off) Sweetooth: lets try that again then shall we ?... hello gothem its me , im sure youve noticed that gothem square is in my sticky grasp but just like a kid in a candy store ive managed to stick a few extra goodies in my pockets while no one was looking , lets take a peek at my secret stash shal we.., oh and Batman I sure hope you're watching because this is sure to make your mouth water... THE BOY WONDER... Poor robin He risks his life trying to be Gothems Lifesaver(Sweets used as prop) and they hate his guts but how much see im dieing

to find out, .. so I divised a little... erm Whatchamacall it (sweets used again as prop) a death trap. Feast your eyes on this my NUCLEAR WARHEAD..(oversized sweet used as prop) at exactly 5 am tomorrow morning I will lower the warhead into the city's water supply huho its going to be quiete the fun dip ( Sweet used as prop) because the warhead will make the water so taut , that anyone who drinks from it will... hmmm perhaps I should just show you. Lets give it a lick shall we Mrs Rachel DAWS. Rachel Daws: No no please dont Sweetooth: It puts the warhead on its tongue Candy: or else it gets the hose again Rachel Daws : (_licks warhead... makes noise and then convulses standing up until head implodes_) Sweetooth: Thats right her head imploded , just like all of gothems will unless hmmm Skittle me this (Skittles used as prop) Will gothem forsake its heroes or will it's heroes forsake gothem.... You see ive set up a facebook poll and for the next 7 hours I will be taking votes from the people of gothem . The moment the sun rises I will either lower the warhead into the citys water supply, or,.. I will kill robin So its all for the people of gothem to decide... do I implode your heads or do I put a bullet in the boy wonders I think I can already guess your decision.. so if batman betrays you all and shows up at gothem square to save his little NERD ( sweet used as prop) then robin dies at dawn. Cackles and laughs (Two face appears on stage again in the way and unwanted and awkward but funny as hell ) Two Face : (Laughing) Yeah and uh Simultaneously while that is happening I Two face will be simultaneously be robbing the second gothem city bank of all its two dollar bills so collectors of out of print currency bewaare ( starts laughing again ) Candy and Sweetooth Join in ) Sweetooth: Your coming with me Boy ( picks up Robin) Scene change back to Bat CAVE Batman : NOOOO SWEEETOOOTH..(starts punching and throwing things and being all distressed) nooo robin ROBIN what do I do do I abandon gothem city or do I forsake my oldest chum.. ii wish alfred was here OMC is OM Disguised OM is Alfred Disgised OM: I am here Sir

Batman: Alfred Alfred: thats me Batman : you came back Alfred : I never left ive always been right Here .(points to batmans heart and then when batman looks down he flicks up his nose and goes ) Booop. ( they start mess hitting each other and then batman not realising his strength punches alfred in the face and knocks him over slowly picks him up ..! Batman : So what do I do Al do I choose my city or my friend Alfred... ah yes the classic choice every hero must make the decision... you know a long time ago I was in bosnia with your father this was before the war... we were helping a band of refugees across the border. There was a Tribe chief there by the name of Macaroon . We used to call him Macaroon da loon... Batman : Papa loved rhymes.. Alfred: Thats right he did , but he had the unpleasent task of having to execute his own wife . You see she was a double agent , but she had forgotten , she didnt know who she was working for. So old mac had the choice to make . Do you give up on somebody you love or do you abandon your sworn duty to protect the people, it was a choice that would destroy and ordinary man but a hero is no ordinary man is he . For a true hero master wayne finds a way to choose both. Batman: your right alfred I know what I have to do FUCK GOTHEM IM SAVING ROBIN... now ive got to get out of here, ive got to save robin and stop sweet tooth. Alfred: And ive got to stop two face this looks like a job for Quan Lee, Oh good bye sir im borrowing the bat bird Batman : Good luck Quan LI, and perpare yourself Sweetooth , My most well known nemesis , tonight your taking no hostages and tonight im taking no prisoners. Fade to black End of Part 2 Act 2 Part 3 Citizen 1 : Hey have you been watching the news ? Citizen 2 : I sure have thats nut job Sweetooth is going to poison the water supply. Citizen 1 : This is even worse than when the joker poisoned the water supply citizen 2: or when Scarecrow poisoned the water supply . Citizen 1: or when killer croc poisoned the water supply thats how

he died the poor fool citizen 2: hey dont worry pal... kill robin . Or risk blowing up our own heads... its obvious what we should vote for.. Citizen 1: It's a no Brainer Citizen 4 : You guys better get on twitter ..( creepily from the side of the stage ) Citizen 1&2: Whyy Citizen 4 : batman just tweeted and I dont think your gonna like it .. Citizen 1 &2 : ahhh.. Batman :(Overhead As if reading out tweet ) Citizens of gotham If you're choosing to kill robin then #(hastag)we cant be friends , I'm saving dick so say goodbye to your heads deal with it . Citizen 1 : I Don't believe it Citizen 2: Batman reallly going through with this Reporter : holy twit gothem has jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire as batmans latest tweet has sent the citizenry into a state of panic. Experts are saying if batman does save robin, Sweetooth will undoubtedly release the warhead. Fade to black Johnson: Mr President Mr President we have a serious situation in gothem., Have you guys been watching the news ?? Johnson2: This is the whitehouse... were always watching the news. Johnson :Well what are we going to do gothem city has declared a state of emergency Johnson2: Well we'll send in the national guard. johnson : Theres not enough time to send in the national guard not enough time before batman rushes in there and gets everybody killed Johnson2: Well what do you expect me to do johnson? Johnson: (Grabbing the president frantically ) I .. DONT . KNOWWWW ...nobody can stop batman thats why hes my favourite superhero Mr president : There is one man who could stop him? Johnson : Mr president

Mr Pesident : hand me the phone fade to black... phone rings in darkness... choose funny ring tone opens on Superman answering the phone . Superman: Hello Batmann ?.. It's superman ?.... I mean uhm ..this is one of supermans friends...(Snoop dogs Voice) ...hold on i'll get him Yo Suups ... uhh whats is it snoop dog ?...(snoopdogvoice)You got a phone call Motha fucka . () Woah another one ?.. alright hey hey tell everyone to tone the party down ok ?... and tell wonderwoman that her eagled Brassiere can be found one the floor in my bedroom and that I saw her naked boobies... hey Batman its superman... Mr President : No superman this isn't Batman Superman : Then Who IS IT ?... Mr President : This is the president of the united states of America ,, Barack Obama Superman : huh what do you want mr President ? And make it quick im expecting a phone call Mr president: Superman I dont know if you've been watching the news but there's a whole bunch of trouble brewing over in gothem city and I need to ask for a super favour ,.. you see folks out there are scared they're scared of a man dressed as a bat .. Superman : uhm... Batman ? Mr President: You guessed it superman , They're afraid of what he might do .. you see if the batman saves the bird boy then that candyman is going to destroy the whole city .. and thats not simpatico so I want you to fly over there , and I want you to bring this batman fella in. Superman :you want me to arrest Batman ? But hes a hero ? Mr President: Now i'm not so sure about that superman you see you and me weve got a lot in common we fighting for the american way best we can , that batman , hes a different breed . He don't seem to give a Hoot for the law or the country. Superman: I donno , I donno Barack... I don't think he's gonna let me take him in alive . Mr President : Any means necessary Superman..., hey I knew I could count on you ,.. im a huge fan. I follow you on the tweeter and everything. Superman: Oh Really

Mr President : Yeah you should tweet at me sometime My handle is the Real Barak Obama because some smartass named bruce wayne took the name Barack obama and just tweets about how dumb I am ,,, well good luck superman , and tell snoop dog I said hi , and then go give that batman one for the people by the people .. Superman : yeah the american Way Song The American Way

Superman: Truth and liberty and justice all are in jeopardy tonight. All we cherish here, and all the values that we hold dear Are in the balance tonight. But we're American, and it's America, and in America We do what's right. The firetruck's here for the kitty in the tree, Superman and Citizens : Oh the American way! Superman: And if the cops can't come, you can always call on me. Superman and Citizens: That's the American way! Superman: Because I can, therefore I will. Batman: Tonight it's personal, I'm unleashing my arsenal To rain blood tonight. Tonight I'm gonna save my bro And if all of Gotham has got to go Then so be it. Cause it's America, and I'm American, and in America I do what I like. If money can't fix it than I haven't found it yet. Citizens: Oh the American way! Batman: Be a born billionaire and have your butler build a jet.

Citizens: That's the American way! Batman: Because I can, save my friend, I have no parents, I'm my own boss man. Sweet Tooth: Tonight we're taking back the town We've got a bat trap set we're gonna catch the clown In Gotham tonight. We've got a warhead ready in the water supply Tonight The Bat and his bull won't fly So Gotham goodnight! Cause it's America, and we're American, and in America We fight! Never gonna win 'til your enemies are dead Sweet Tooth and Rogues: Oh the American way! Sweet Tooth: Spreading dread and blowing up their heads. Sweet Tooth and Rogues: That's the American way! Sweet Tooth: Because I candy do as I please, I'm spreading chocolate On Gotham's cheese. Superman: The letter of the law is a capital "S." Citizens: Oh the American way! Citizen: We're all just pawns in a fuckin' game of chess. Citizens: That's the American way! Two Face: A briefcase filled with two dollar bills. Citizens: Oh the American way! Batman: Inheritance trust funds, million dollar bills. Citizens: Oh the American

Not quite Canadian Most of us are Mexican American way! Fade to Black End of scene Act 2 part 4 Cheif of Police : Commissioner the last of the squad cars were just blown to smitherines and the entire swat team was rushed to intensive care... commissioner gordon: I feel like im really flupping this one up Cheif of police: dont you beat yourself up about this Commissioner gordon well you tell those troops to pull back