The Luncheon Jeffrey Archer She waved at me across a crowded room at the St. Regis Hotel in New York.

I waved back, realizing I knew the face but unable to place it. She s ueezed past waiters and guests and had reached me before I had the chance to ask an!one who she was. I racked that section of m! brain that is meant to store people, but it transmitted no repl!. I realized I would have to resort to the old part! trick of carefull! worded uestions until her answers "ogged m! memor!. #How are !ou, darling$% she cried, and threw her arms around me, an opening that didn&t help, since we were at a 'iterar! (uild cocktail part!, and an!one will throw their arms around !ou on such occasions, even the directors of the )ook*of*the*+onth ,lub. -rom her accent she was clearl! .merican, and she looked to be approaching fort! but thanks to the genius of modern make*up ma! even have overtaken it. She wore a long white cocktail dress and her blonde hair was done up in one of those buns that looks like a brioche. /he overall effect made her appear somewhat like a chess ueen. Not that the cottage loaf helped, because she might have had dark hair flowing to her shoulders when we last met. I do wish women would realize that when the! change their hairst!le the! often achieve e0actl! what the! set out to do1 look completel! different to an! unsuspecting male. #I&m well, thank !ou,% I said to the white ueen. #.nd !ou$% I in uired as m! opening gambit. #I&m "ust fine, darling,% she replied, taking a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. #.nd how&s the famil!,% I asked, not sure if she even had one. #/he!&re all well,% she replied. No help there. #.nd how is 'ouise$% she in uired. #)looming,% I said. So she knew m! wife. )ut then, not necessaril!, I thought. +ost .merican women are e0perts at remembering men&s wives. /he! have to be, when on the New York circuit the! change so often it becomes a greater challenge than the Times crossword. #Have !ou been to 'ondon latel!$% I roared above the babble. . brave uestion, as she ma! never have been to 2urope. #3nl! once since we had lunch together.% She looked at me uizzicall!. #You don&t remember who I am, do !ou$% she asked as she devoured a cocktail sausage. I smiled. #4on&t be sill!, Susan,% I said. #How could I ever forget$% She smiled. I confess that I remembered the white ueen&s name in the nick of time. .lthough I still onl! had vague recollections of the lad!, I certainl! would never forget the lunch. I had "ust had m! first book published, and the critics on both sides of the .tlantic had been complimentar!, even if the checks from m! publishers were less so. +! agent had told me on several occasions that I shouldn&t write if I wanted to make mone!. /his created a dilemma, because I couldn&t see how to make mone! if I didn&t write. It was around this time that the lad! who was now facing me and chattering on, oblivious to m! silence, telephoned from New York to heap lavish praise on m! novel.

/here is no writer who does en"o! receiving such calls, although I confess to having been less captivated b! an eleven*!ear*old girl who called me collect from ,alifornia to sa! she had found a spelling mistake on page 56 and warned that she would call again if she found another. However, this particular lad! might have ended her transatlantic congratulations with nothing more than good*b!e if she had not dropped her own name. It was one of those names that can, on the spur of the moment, alwa!s book a table at a chic restaurant or a seat at the opera, which mere mortals like m!self would have found impossible to attain given a months notice. /o be fair, it was her husband&s name that had achieved the reputation, as one of the world&s most distinguished film producers. #7hen I&m ne0t in 'ondon !ou must have lunch with me,% came crackling down the phone. #No,% said I gallantl!, #!ou must have lunch with me.% #How perfectl! charming !ou 2nglish alwa!s are,% she said. I have often wondered how much .merican women get awa! with when the! sa! those few words to an 2nglishman. Nevertheless, the wife of an 3scar*winning producer does not phone one ever!da!. #I promise to call !ou when I&m ne0t in 'ondon,% she said. .nd indeed she did, for almost si0 months to the da! she telephoned again, this time from the ,onnaught Hotel, to declare how much she was looking forward to our meeting. #7here would !ou like to have lunch$% I said, realizing a second too late, when she replied with the name of one of the most e0clusive restaurants in town, that I should have made sure it was I who chose the venue. I was glad she couldn&t see m! forlorn face as she added airl!, #+onda!, one o&clock. 'eave the booking to me8I&m known there.% 3n the da! in uestion I donned m! one respectable suit, a new shirt I had been saving for a special occasion since ,hristmas, and the onl! tie that looked as if it hadn&t been previousl! used to hold up m! trousers. I then strolled over to m! bank and asked for statement of m! current account. /he teller handed me a long piece of paper unworth! of its amount. I studied the figure as one who has to make a ma"or financial decision. /he bottom stating in black lettering that I was in credit to the sum of thirt!*seven pounds and si0t!*three pence. I wrote out a check for thirt!*seven pounds. I feel that the gentleman should alwa!s leave his account in credit, and I might add it was a belief m! bank manager shared with me. I then walked up to +a!fair for m! luncheon date. .s I entered the restaurant I noticed too man! waiters and plush seats for m! liking. You can&t eat either, but !ou can be charged for them. .t a corner table sat for two sat a woman who, although not !oung, was elegant. She wore a blouse of powder blue crepe*de*chine, and her blond hair was rolled awa! from her face in st!le that reminded me of the war !ears and had once again become fashionable. It was clearl! m! transatlantic admirer, and she greeted me in the same #I&ve known !ou all m! life% as she was to do at the 'iterar! (uild cocktail part! !ears later. .lthough she had a drink in front of her, I didn&t order an aperitif, e0plaining that I never drank before lunch8and I would have liked to add, #but as soon as !our husband makes a film of m! novel, I will.% She launched immediatel! into the latest Holl!wood gossip, not so much dropping names as reciting them, while I ate m! wa! through the potato chips from the bowl in front of me. . few minutes later a waiter materialized b! the table and presented us with two large embossed leather menus, considerabl! better bound than m! novel. /he

place positivel! reeked of unnecessar! e0pense. I opened the menu and studied the first chapter with horror9 it was eminentl! put*downable. I had no idea that simple food obtained from ,ovent (arden could cost uite so much b! merel! being transported to +a!fair. I could have bought her the same dishes for a uarter of the price at m! favorite bistro, a mere one hundred !ards awa!, and to add to m! discomfort I observed that it was one of those restaurants where the guest menu made no mention of the prices. I settled down to stud! the long list of -rench dishes, which onl! served to remind me that I hadn&t eaten well for more than a month, a state of affairs that was about to be prolonged b! a further da!. I remembered m! bank balance morosel! reflected that I would probabl! have to wait until m! agent sold the Icelandic rights of m! novel before I could afford a s uare meal again. #7hat would !ou like$% I said gallantl!. #I alwa!s en"o! a light lunch,% she volunteered. I sighed with premature relief, onl! to find that #light% did not necessaril! mean ine0pensive. She smiled sweetl! up at the waiter, who looked as though he wouldn&t be wondering where his ne0t meal might be coming from, and ordered "ust a sliver of smoked salmon, followed b! two tin! tender lamb cutlets. /hen she hesitated, but onl! for a moment, before adding #and a side salad.% I studied the menu with some caution, running m! finger down the prices, not the dishes. #I also eat light lunch,% I said mendaciousl!. #/he chef&s salad will be uite enough for me.% /he waiter was obviousl! affronted but left peaceabl!. She chatted of ,oppola and :reminger, of :acino and Redford, and of (arbo as if she saw her all the time. She was kind enough to stop for a moment and ask what I was working on at present. I would have liked to have replied, #3n how I&m going to e0plain to m! wife that I have onl! si0t!*three pence left in the bank,% but I actuall! discussed m! ideas for another novel. She seemed impressed but still made no reference to her husband. Should I mention him$ No. +ustn&t sound push!, or as though I needed the mone!. /he food arrived, or that is to sa! her smoked salmon did, and I sat silentl! watching her eat m! bank account while I nibbled on a roll. I looked up onl! to discover a wine waiter b! m! side. #7ould !ou care for some wine$% said I, recklessl!. #No, I don&t think so,% she said. I smiled a little too soon1 #7ell, perhaps a little something white and dr!.% /he wine waiter handed down a second leather*bound book, this time with golden grapes embossed on the cover. I searched down the pages for half*bottles, e0plaining to m! guest that I never drank at lunch. I chose the cheapest. /he wine waiter appeared a moment later with a large silver bucket full of ice in which the half bottle looked drowned, and, like me, completel! out of its depth. . "unior waiter cleared awa! the empt! plate while another wheeled a large trolle! to the side of our table and served the lamb cutlets and the chef&s salad. .t the same time a third waiter made up an e0 uisite side salad for m! guest that ended up bigger than m! complete order. I didn&t feel I could ask her to swap.

/o be fair, the chef&s salad was superb8although I confess it was hard to appreciate such food full! while tr!ing to work out a plot that would be convincing if I found the bill to over thirt!*seven pounds. #How sill! of me to ask for white wine with lamb,% she said, having nearl! finished the half bottle. I ordered a half bottle of the house red without calling for the wine list. She finished the white wine and then launched into the theater, music, and other authors. .ll those who were still alive she seemed to know, and those who were dead she hadn&t read. I might have en"o!ed the performance if it hadn&t been for the fear of wondering if I would be able to afford it when the curtain came down. 7hen the waiter cleared awa! the empt! dishes he asked m! guest if she would care for an!thing else. #No, thank !ou,% she said8I nearl! applauded. #;nless !ou have one of !our famous apple surprises.% #I fear the last one ma! have gone, madam, but I&ll go and see.% #4on&t hurr!,% I wanted to sa!, but instead I "ust smiled as the rope tightened around m! neck. . few minutes later the waiter strode back in triumph, weaving between the tables holding the apple surprise in the palm of his hand, high above his head. I pra!ed to Newton that the apple would obe! his law. It didn&t. #/he last one, madam% #3h, what luck,% she declared. #3h, what luck,% I repeated, unable to face the menu and discover the price. I was now attempting some mental arithmetic as I realized it was going to be a close*run thing. #.n!thing else, madam$% the ingratiating waiter in uired. I took a deep breath. #<ust coffee,% she said. #.nd for !ou, sir$% #No, no, not for me.% He left us. I couldn&t think of an e0planation for wh! I didn&t drink coffee. /hen she produced the large (ucci bag b! her side and a cop! of m! novel, which I signed with a flourish, hoping the head waiter would see, and feel I was the sort of man who should be allowed to sign the bill as well, but he resolutel! remained at the far end of the room while I wrote the words #.n unforgettable meeting% and appended m! signature. 7hile the dear lad! was drinking her coffee I picked at another roll and called for the bill, not because I was in an! particular hurr!, but like a guilt! defendant at the 3ld )aile!, I preferred to wait no longer than the "udge&s sentence. . man in a smart green uniform whom I had never seen before appeared carr!ing a silver tra! with a folded piece of paper on it, looking not unlike m! bank statement. I pushed back the edge of the bill slowl! and read the figure1 thirt!*si0 pounds and fort! pence. I casuall! put m! hand into m! inside pocket and withdrew m! life&s possessions, then placed the crisp new notes on the silver tra!. /he! were whisked awa!. /he man in the green uniform appeared a few minutes later with m! si0t! pence change, which I pocketed, since it was the onl! wa! I was going to get a bus home. /he waiter gave me a look that would have undoubtedl! won him a character part in an! film produced b! the lad!&s distinguished husband. +! guest rose and walked across the restaurant, waving at, and occasionall! kissing, people I had previousl! seen onl! in gloss! magazines. 7hen she reached the door she stopped to receive her coat, a mink. I helped her on with the fur, again failing to

leave a tip. .s we stood on the ,urzon Street sidewalk, a dark blue Rolls*Ro!ce drew up beside us and a liveried chauffeur leaped out and opened the door. She climbed in. #(oodb!e, darling,% she said as the electric window slid down. #/hank !ou for such a lovel! lunch.% #(oodb!e,% I said and, summoning up m! courage, added1 #I do hope when !ou are ne0t in town I shall have the opportunit! of meeting !our distinguished husband.% #3h, darling, didn&t !ou know$% she said. #=now what$% #7e were divorced ages ago.% #4ivorced$% said I. #3h, !es,% she said gail!, #I haven&t spoken to him for !ears.% I "ust stood there looking helpless. #3h, don&t worr! !ourself on m! account,% she said. #He&s no loss. In an! case, I recentl! married again% >another film producer, I pra!ed8#in fact, I uite e0pected to bump into m! husband toda!8!ou see, he owns the restaurant.% 7ithout another word the electric window purred up and the Rolls*Ro!ce glided effortlessl! out of sight, leaving me to walk to the nearest bus stop. .s I stood surrounded b! 'iterar! (uild guests, staring at the white ueen with the )rioche bun, I could still see her drifting awa! in that blue Rolls*Ro!ce. I tried to concentrate on her words. #I knew !ou wouldn&t forget me, darling,% she was sa!ing. #.fter all, I did take !ou to lunch, didn&t I$%