Sie sind auf Seite 1von 298

Project Gutenberg's Expedition of Humphry Clinker, by Smollett The Expedition of Humphry Clinker by Tobi s Smollett !

pril, "### $Etext %"&'#(

THE E)PE*+T+,- ,. H/0PH12 C3+-4E1 by T,5+!S S0,33ETT

To 0r HE-12 *!6+S, 5ookseller, in 3ondon7 !5E1G!6E--2, !ug7 87 1ESPECTE* S+1, + h 9e recei9ed your esteemed f 9our of the &:th ultimo, ;hereby it ppe reth, th t you h 9e perused those s me 3etters, the ;hich ;ere deli9ered unto you by my friend, the re9erend 0r Hugo 5ehn< nd + m ple sed to find you think they m y be printed ;ith good prospect of success< in s much s the objections you mention, + humbly concei9e, re such s m y be red rgued, if not entirely remo9ed == !nd, first, in the first pl ce, s touching ;h t prosecutions m y rise from printing the pri9 te correspondence of persons still li9ing, gi9e me le 9e, ;ith ll due submission, to obser9e, th t the 3etters in >uestion ;ere not ;ritten nd sent under the se l of secrecy< th t they h 9e no tendency to the m l f m , or prejudice of ny person ;h tsoe9er< but r ther to the inform tion nd edific tion of m nkind? so th t it becometh sort of duty to promulg te them in usum publicum7 5esides, + h 9e consulted 0r * 9y Higgins, n eminent ttorney of this pl ce, ;ho, fter due inspection nd consider tion, decl reth, Th t he doth not think the s id 3etters cont in ny m tter ;hich ;ill be held ction ble in the eye of the l ;7 .in lly, if you nd + should come to right underst nding, + do decl re in 9erbo s cerdotis, th t, in c se of ny such prosecution, + ;ill t ke the ;hole upon my o;n shoulders, e9en >uo d fine nd imprisonment, though, + must confess, + should not c re to undergo fl gell tion? T m d turpitudinem, >u m d m ritudinem poenoe spect ns == Secondly, concerning the person l resentment of 0r @ustice 3ism h go, + m y s y, non flocci f cio == + ;ould not ;illingly 9ilipend ny Christi n, if, per d9enture, he deser9eth th t epithet? lbeit, + m much surprised th t more c re is not t ken to exclude from the commission ll such 9 gr nt

foreigners s m y be justly suspected of dis ffection to our h ppy constitution, in church nd st te == God forbid th t + should be so unch rit ble, s to ffirm, positi9ely, th t the s id 3ism h go is no better th n @esuit in disguise< but this + ;ill ssert nd m int in, totis 9iribus, th t, from the d y he >u lified, he h s ne9er been once seen intr templi p rietes, th t is to s y, ;ithin the p rish church7 Thirdly, ;ith respect to ;h t p ssed t 0r 4end l's t ble, ;hen the s id 3ism h go ; s so brut l in his reprehensions, + must inform you, my good Sir, th t + ; s obliged to retire, not by fe r rising from his min tory repro ches, ;hich, s + s id bo9e, + 9 lue not of rush< but from the sudden effect produced, by b rbel's ro;, ;hich + h d e ten t dinner, not kno;ing, th t the s id ro; is t cert in se sons 9iolently c th rtic, s G len obser9eth in his ch pter Peri ichtos7 .ourthly, nd l stly, ;ith reference to the m nner in ;hich + got possession of these 3etters, it is circumst nce th t concerns my o;n conscience only< sufficeth it to s y, + h 9e fully s tisfied the p rties in ;hose custody they ;ere< nd, by this time, + hope + h 9e lso s tisfied you in such ; ys, th t the l st h nd m y be put to our greement, nd the ;ork proceed ;ith ll con9enient expedition< in ;hich + hope + rest, 1espected Sir, 2our 9ery humble ser9 nt, @,-!TH!- */STA+CH7 P7S7 + propose, *eo 9olente, to h 9e the ple sure of seeing you in the gre t city, to; rds !ll=h llo;tide, ;hen + sh ll be gl d to tre t ;ith you concerning p rcel of 0S7 sermons, of cert in clergym n dece sed< c ke of the right le 9en, for the present t ste of the public7 6erbum s pienti, Bc7 @7*7

To the 1e9d7 0r @,-!TH!- */STA+CH, t == S+1, + recei9ed yours in course of post, nd sh ll be gl d to tre t ;ith you for the 07S7 ;hich + h 9e deli9ered to your friend 0r 5ehn< but c n by no me ns comply ;ith the terms proposed7 Those things re so uncert in == Ariting is ll lottery == + h 9e been loser by the ;orks of the gre test men of the ge == + could mention p rticul rs, nd n me n mes< but don't choose it == The t ste of the to;n is so ch nge ble7 Then there h 9e been so

m ny letters upon tr 9els l tely published == Ah t bet;een Smollett's, Sh rp's, *errick's, Thicknesse's, 5 ltimore's, nd 5 retti's, together ;ith Sh ndy's Sentiment l Tr 9els, the public seems to be cloyed ;ith th t kind of entert inment == -e9ertheless, + ;ill, if you ple se, run the ris>ue of printing nd publishing, nd you sh ll h 9e h lf the profits of the impression == 2ou need not t ke the trouble to bring up your sermons on my ccount == -o body re ds sermons but 0ethodists nd *issenters == 5esides, for my o;n p rt, + m >uite str nger to th t sort of re ding< nd the t;o persons, ;hose judgment + depended upon in those m tters, re out of the ; y< one is gone bro d, c rpenter of m n of ; r< nd the other, h s been silly enough to bscond, in order to 9oid prosecution for bl sphemy == +'m gre t loser by his going off == He h s left m nu l of de9otion h lf finished on my h nds, fter h 9ing recei9ed money for the ;hole copy == He ; s the soundest di9ine, nd h d the most orthodox pen of ll my people< nd + ne9er kne; his judgment f il, but in flying from his bre d nd butter on this occ sion7 5y o;ning you ; s not put in bodily fe r by 3ism h go, you preclude yourself from the benefit of good ple , o9er nd bo9e the d9 nt ge of binding him o9er7 +n the l te ; r, + inserted in my e9ening p per, p r gr ph th t c me by the post, reflecting upon the beh 9iour of cert in regiment in b ttle7 !n officer of s id regiment c me to my shop, nd, in the presence of my ;ife nd journeym n, thre tened to cut off my e rs == !s + exhibited m rks of bodily fe r more ; ys th n one, to the con9iction of the byest nders, + bound him o9er< my ction l y, nd + reco9ered7 !s for fl gell tion, you h 9e nothing to fe r, nd nothing to hope, on th t he d == There h s been but one printer flogged t the c rt's t il these thirty ye rs< th t ; s Ch rles A tson< nd he ssured me it ; s no more th n fle =bite7 C== S== h s been thre tened se9er l times by the House of 3==< but it c me to nothing7 +f n inform tion should be mo9ed for, nd gr nted g inst you, s the editor of those 3etters, + hope you ;ill h 9e honesty nd ;it enough to ppe r nd t ke your tri l == +f you should be sentenced to the pillory, your fortune is m de == !s times go, th t's sure step to honour nd preferment7 + sh ll think myself h ppy if + c n lend you lift< nd m, 9ery sincerely, 2ours, HE-12 *!6+S7 3,-*,-, !ug7 &#th7 Ple se my kind ser9ice to your neighbour, my cousin 0 doc == + h 9e sent n !lm n ck nd Court=k lend r, directed for him t 0r Sutton's, bookseller, in Gloucester, c rri ge p id, ;hich he ;ill ple se to ccept s sm ll token of my reg rd7 0y ;ife, ;ho is 9ery fond of to sted cheese, presents her compliments to him, nd

begs to kno; if there's ny of th t kind, ;hich he ; s so good s to send us l st Christm s, to be sold in 3ondon7 H7 *7

THE E)PE*+T+,- ,. H/0PH12 C3+-4E1 To *r 3EA+S7 *,CT,1, The pills re good for nothing == + might s ;ell s; llo; sno;b lls to cool my reins == + h 9e told you o9er nd o9er ho; h rd + m to mo9e< nd t this time of d y, + ought to kno; something of my o;n constitution7 Ahy ;ill you be so positi9eC Prithee send me nother prescription == + m s l me nd s much tortured in ll my limbs s if + ; s broke upon the ;heel? indeed, + m e>u lly distressed in mind nd body == !s if + h d not pl gues enough of my o;n, those children of my sister re left me for perpetu l source of 9ex tion == ;h t business h 9e people to get children to pl gue their neighboursC ! ridiculous incident th t h ppened yesterd y to my niece 3iddy, h s disordered me in such m nner, th t + expect to be l id up ;ith nother fit of the gout == perh ps, + m y expl in myself in my next7 + sh ll set out tomorro; morning for the Hot Aell t 5ristol, ;here + m fr id + sh ll st y longer th n + could ;ish7 ,n the receipt of this send Ailli ms thither ;ith my s ddle=horse nd the demi pi>ue7 Tell 5 rns to thresh out the t;o old ricks, nd send the corn to m rket, nd sell it off to the poor t shilling bushel under m rket price7 == + h 9e recei9ed sni9elling letter from Griffin, offering to m ke public submission nd p y costs7 + ; nt none of his submissions, neither ;ill + pocket ny of his money7 The fello; is b d neighbour, nd + desire, to h 9e nothing to do ;ith him? but s he is purse=proud, he sh ll p y for his insolence? let him gi9e fi9e pounds to the poor of the p rish, nd + ;ill ;ithdr ; my ction< nd in the me n time you m y tell Prig to stop proceedings7 == 3et 0org n's ;ido; h 9e the !lderney co;, nd forty shillings to clothe her children? but don't s y syll ble of the m tter to ny li9ing soul == +'ll m ke her p y ;hen she is ble7 + desire you ;ill lock up ll my dr ;ers, nd keep the keys till meeting< nd be sure you t ke the iron chest ;ith my p pers into your o;n custody == .orgi9e ll, this trouble from, *e r 3e;is, 2our ffection te 07 51!053E G3,/CESTE1, !pril "7

To 0rs GA233+0, house=keeper t 5r mbleton=h ll7 01S GA+33+0, Ahen this cums to h nd, be sure to p ck up in the trunk m le th t st nds in my closet< to be sent me in the 5ristol ; ggon ;ithout loss of time, the follo;ing rticles, 9iD7 my rose coll rd neglej y ;ith green robins, my yello; d m sk, nd my bl ck 9el9ets ;ith the short hoop< my bloo >uilted petticot, my green m ntel, my l ced pron, my .rench commode, 0 cklin he d nd l ppets nd the litel box ;ith my jo;ls7 Ailli ms m y bring o9er my bum=d ffee, nd the 9iol ;ith the e sings of *r Hill's dock; ter nd Cho;der's l cksitif7 The poor cre ture h s been terribly stupr ted e9er since ;e left huom7 Pr y t ke p rticul r c re of the house ;hile the f mily is bsent7 3et there be fire const ntly kept in my brother's ch mber nd mine7 The m ids, h 9ing nothing to do, m y be s t spinning7 + desire you'll cl p p d=luck on the ;ind=seller, nd let none of the men h 9e excess to the strong be r == don't forget to h 9e the g te shit e9ery e9ening be d rk == The g rdnir nd the hind m y lie belo; in the l ndry, to p rt ke the house, ;ith the blunderbuss nd the gre t dog< nd hope you'll h 9e ; tchful eye o9er the m ids7 + kno; th t hussy 0 ry @ones, lo9es to be rumping ;ith the men7 3et me kno; !lderney's c lf be sould yet, nd ;h t he fought == if the ould goose be sitting< nd if the cobler h s cut *icky, nd ho; pore nemil bore the oper tion7 -o more t present, but rests, 2ours, T!5+TH! 51!053E G3,ST!1, !pril "7 T, 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7 *E!1 0,332, He 9ing this importunity, + send, my lo9e to you nd S ul, being in good he lth, nd hoping to he r the s me from you< nd th t you nd S ul ;ill t ke my poor kitten to bed ;ith you this cold ;e ther7 Ae h 9e been ll in, s d t king here t Glost r == 0iss 3iddy h d like to h 9e run ; y ;ith pl yer=m n, nd young m ster nd he ;ould done themsel9es mischief< but the, s>uire pplied to the m re, nd they ;ere, bound o9er7 == 0istress bid me not spe k ;ord of the m tter to ny Christi n soul == no more + sh ll< for, ;e ser9ints should see ll nd s y nothing == 5ut ;h t ; s ;orse th n ll this, Cho;der h s, h d the, misfortune to be ;orried by butcher's dog, nd c me home in terrible pickle == 0istress ; s t ken ;ith the sterisks, but they soon ;ent off7 The doctor ; s sent for to Cho;der, nd he

subscribed repository ;hich did him gre t ser9ice == th nk God he's no; in f ir ; y to do ;ell == pr y t ke c re of my box nd the pillyber nd put them under your o;n bed< for, + do suppose m d m, G;yllim ;ill be prying into my secrets, no; my b ck is turned7 @ohn Thom s is in good he lth, but sulky7 The s>uire g 9e ; y n ould co t to poor m n< nd @ohn s ys s, ho; 'tis robbing him of his per>uisites7 == + told him, by his greement he ; s to recei9e no 9 ils< but he s ys s ho; there's difference bet;ixt 9 ils nd per>uisites< nd so there is for s rt in7 Ae re ll going to the Hot Aell, ;here + sh ll drink your he lth in gl ss of ; ter, being, *e r 0olly, 2our humble ser9 nt to comm nd, A7 @E-4+-S G3,ST!1, !pril "nd7 To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, !s + h 9e nothing more t he rt th n to con9ince you + m inc p ble of forgetting, or neglecting the friendship + m de t college, no; begin th t correspondence by letters, ;hich you nd + greed, t p rting, to culti9 te7 + begin it sooner th n + intended, th t you m y h 9e it in your po;er to refute ny idle reports ;hich m y be circul ted to my prejudice t ,xford, touching foolish >u rrel, in ;hich + h 9e been in9ol9ed on ccount of my sister, ;ho h d been some time settled here in bo rding=school7 Ahen + c me hither ;ith my uncle nd unt E;ho re our gu rdi nsF to fetch her ; y, + found her fine t ll girl, of se9enteen, ;ith n gree ble person< but rem rk bly simple, nd >uite ignor nt of the ;orld7 This disposition, nd ; nt of experience, h d exposed her to the ddresses of person == + kno; not ;h t to c ll him, ;ho h d seen her t pl y< nd, ;ith confidence nd dexterity peculi r to himself, found me ns to be recommended to her c>u int nce7 +t ; s by the gre test ccident + intercepted one of his letters< s it ; s my duty to stifle this correspondence in its birth, + m de it my business to find him out, nd tell him 9ery freely my sentiments of the m tter7 The sp rk did not like the stile + used, nd beh 9ed ;ith bund nce of mettle7 Though his r nk in life E;hich, by the bye, + m sh med to decl reF did not entitle him to much deference< yet s his beh 9iour ; s rem rk bly spirited, + dmitted him to the pri9ilege of gentlem n, nd something might h 9e h ppened, h d not ;e been pre9ented7 == +n short, the business took ir, + kno; not ho;, nd m de bund nce of noise == recourse ; s h d to justice == + ; s obliged to gi9e my ;ord nd honour, Bc7 nd to=morro; morning ;e set out for 5ristol Aells, ;here + expect to he r from you by the return of the post7 == + h 9e got into

f mily of origin ls, ;hom + m y one d y ttempt to describe for your musement7 0y unt, 0rs T bith 5r mble, is m iden of forty=fi9e, exceedingly st rched, 9 in, nd ridiculous7 == 0y uncle is n odd kind of humorist, l; ys on the fret, nd so unple s nt in his m nner, th t r ther th n be obliged to keep him comp ny, +'d resign ll cl im to the inherit nce of his est te7 +ndeed his being tortured by the gout m y h 9e soured his temper, nd, perh ps, + m y like him better on further c>u int nce< cert in it is, ll his ser9 nts nd neighbours in the country re fond of him, e9en to degree of enthusi sm, the re son of ;hich + c nnot s yet comprehend7 1emember me to Griffy Price, G;yn, 0 nsel, 5 sset, nd ll the rest of my old C mbri n comp nions7 == S lute the bedm ker in my n me == gi9e my ser9ice to the cook, nd pr y t ke c re of poor Ponto, for the s ke of his old m ster, ;ho is, nd e9er ;ill be, *e r Phillips, 2our ffection te friend, nd humble ser9 nt, @E17 0E3.,1* G3,/CESTE1, !pril "7

To 0rs @E102- t her house in Gloucester7 *E!1 0!*!0, H 9ing no mother of my o;n, + hope you ;ill gi9e me le 9e to disburden my poor he rt to you, ;ho h 9e l; ys cted the p rt of kind p rent to me, e9er since + ; s put under your c re7 +ndeed, nd indeed, my ;orthy go9erness m y belie9e me, ;hen + ssure her, th t + ne9er h rboured thought th t ; s other;ise th n 9irtuous< nd, if God ;ill gi9e me gr ce, + sh ll ne9er beh 9e so s to c st reflection on the c re you h 9e t ken in my educ tion7 + confess + h 9e gi9en just c use of offence by my ; nt of prudence nd experience7 + ought not to h 9e listened to ;h t the young m n s id< nd it ; s my duty to h 9e told you ll th t p ssed, but + ; s sh med to mention it< nd then he beh 9ed so modest nd respectful, nd seemed to be so mel ncholy nd timorous, th t + could not find in my he rt to do ny thing th t should m ke him miser ble nd desper te7 !s for f mili rities, + do decl re, + ne9er once llo;ed him the f 9our of ? s lute< nd s to the fe; letters th t p ssed bet;een us, they re ll in my uncle's h nds, nd + hope they cont in nothing contr ry to innocence nd honour7 == + m still persu ded th t he is not ;h t he ppe rs to be? but time ;ill disco9er == me n ;hile + ;ill ende 9our to forget connexion, ;hich is so disple sing to my f mily7 + h 9e cried ;ithout ce sing, nd h 9e not t sted ny thing but te , since + ; s hurried ; y from you< nor did + once close my eyes for three nights running7 == 0y unt continues to

chide me se9erely ;hen ;e re by oursel9es< but + hope to soften her in time, by humility nd submission7 == 0y uncle, ;ho ; s so dre dfully p ssion te in the beginning, h s been mo9ed by my te rs nd distress< nd is no; ll tenderness nd comp ssion< nd my brother is reconciled to me on my promise to bre k off ll correspondence ;ith th t unfortun te youth< but, not;ithst nding ll their indulgence, + sh ll h 9e no pe ce of mind till + kno; my de r nd e9er honoured go9erness h s forgi9en her poor, disconsol te, forlorn, !ffection te humble ser9 nt, till de th, 32*+! 0E3.,1* C3+.T,-, !pril '7

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7 02 *E!1EST 3ETT2, + m in such fright, lest this should not come s fe to h nd by the con9ey nce of @ r9is the c rrier, th t + beg you ;ill ;rite me, on the receipt of it, directing to me, under co9er, to 0rs Ainifred @enkins, my unt's m id, ;ho is good girl, nd h s been so kind to me in my ffliction, th t + h 9e m de her my confid nt< s for @ r9is, he ; s 9ery shy of t king ch rge of my letter nd the little p rcel, bec use his sister S lly h d like to h 9e lost her pl ce on my ccount? indeed + c nnot bl me the m n for his c ution< but + h 9e m de it ;orth his ;hile7 == 0y de r comp nion nd bed=fello;, it is grie9ous ddition to my other misfortunes, th t + m depri9ed of your gree ble comp ny nd con9ers tion, t time ;hen + need so much the comfort of your good humour nd good sense< but, + hope, the friendship ;e contr cted t bo rding=school, ;ill l st for life == + doubt not but on my side it ;ill d ily incre se nd impro9e, s + g in experience, nd le rn to kno; the 9 lue of true friend7 ,, my de r 3ettyG ;h t sh ll + s y bout poor 0r AilsonC + h 9e promised to bre k off ll correspondence, nd, if possible, to forget him? but, l sG + begin to percei9e th t ;ill not be in my po;er7 !s it is by no me ns proper th t the picture should rem in in my h nds, lest it should be the occ sion of more mischief, + h 9e sent it to you by this opportunity, begging you ;ill either keep it s fe till better times, or return it to 0r Ailson himself, ;ho, + suppose, ;ill m ke it his business to see you t the usu l pl ce7 +f he should be lo;=spirited t my sending b ck his picture, you m y tell him + h 9e no occ sion for picture, ;hile the origin l continues engr 9ed on my == 5ut no< + ;ould not h 9e you tell him th t neither< bec use there must be n end of our correspondence == + ;ish he m y forget me, for the s ke of his o;n pe ce< nd yet if he should, he must be b rb rous ==

5ut it is impossible == poor Ailson c nnot be f lse nd inconst nt? + beseech him not to ;rite to me, nor ttempt to see me for some time< for, considering the resentment nd p ssion te temper of my brother @ery, such n ttempt might be ttended ;ith conse>uences ;hich ;ould m ke us ll miser ble for life == let us trust to time nd the ch pter of ccidents< or r ther to th t Pro9idence ;hich ;ill not f il, sooner or l ter, to re; rd those th t ; lk in the p ths of honour nd 9irtue7 + ;ould offer my lo9e to the young l dies< but it is not fit th t ny of them should kno; you h 9e recei9ed this letter7 == +f ;e go to 5 th, + sh ll send you my simple rem rks upon th t f mous center of polite musement, nd e9ery other pl ce ;e m y ch nce to 9isit< nd + fl tter myself th t my de r 0iss Aillis ;ill be punctu l in ns;ering the letters of her ffection te, 32*+! 0E3.,1* C3+.T,-, !pril '7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 3EA+S, + h 9e follo;ed your directions ;ith some success, nd might h 9e been upon my legs by this time, h d the ;e ther permitted me to use my s ddle=horse7 + rode out upon the *o;ns l st Tuesd y, in the forenoon, ;hen the sky, s f r s the 9isible horiDon, ; s ;ithout cloud< but before + h d gone full mile, + ; s o9ert ken inst nt neously by storm of r in th t ;et me to the skin in three minutes == ;hence it c me the de9il kno;s< but it h s l id me up E+ supposeF for one fortnight7 +t m kes me sick to he r people t lk of the fine ir upon Clifton=do;ns? Ho; c n the ir be either gree ble or s lut ry, ;here the demon of 9 pours descends in perpetu l driDDleC 0y confinement is the more intoler ble, s + m surrounded ;ith domestic 9ex tions7 0y niece h s h d d ngerous fit of illness, occ sioned by th t cursed incident t Gloucester, ;hich + mentioned in my l st7 == She is poor good=n tured simpleton, s soft s butter, nd s e sily melted == not th t she's fool == the girl's p rts re not despic ble, nd her educ tion h s not been neglected< th t is to s y, she c n ;rite nd spell, nd spe k .rench, nd pl y upon the h rpsichord< then she d nces finely, h s good figure, nd is 9ery ;ell inclined< but, she's deficient in spirit, nd so susceptible == nd so tender forsoothG == truly, she h s got l nguishing eye, nd re ds rom nces7 == Then there's her brother, 's>uire @ery, pert j ck n pes, full of college=petul nce nd self=conceit< proud s Germ n count, nd s hot nd h sty s Aelch mount ineer7 !s for th t f nt stic l nim l, my sister T bby, you re no str nger to her >u lific tions == + 9o; to God, she is sometimes so

intoler ble, th t + lmost think she's the de9il inc rn te come to torment me for my sins< nd yet + m conscious of no sins th t ought to ent il such f mily=pl gues upon me == ;hy the de9il should not + sh ke off these torments t onceC + n't m rried to T bby, th nk He 9enG nor did + beget the other t;o? let them choose nother gu rdi n? for my p rt + n't in condition to t ke c re of myself< much less to superintend the conduct of giddy=he ded boys nd girls7 2ou e rnestly desire to kno; the p rticul rs of our d9enture t Gloucester, ;hich re briefly these, nd + hope they ;ill go no further? == 3iddy h d been so long copped up in bo rding=school, ;hich, next to nunnery, is the ;orst kind of semin ry th t e9er ; s contri9ed for young ;omen, th t she bec me s infl mm ble s touch=;ood< nd going to pl y in holid y=time, =='sde th, +'m sh med to tell youG she fell in lo9e ;ith one of the ctors == h ndsome young fello; th t goes by the n me of Ailson7 The r sc l soon percei9ed the impression he h d m de, nd m n ged m tters so s to see her t house ;here she ;ent to drink te ;ith her go9erness7 == This ; s the beginning of correspondence, ;hich they kept up by me ns of j de of milliner, ;ho m de nd dressed c ps for the girls t the bo rding=school7 Ahen ;e rri9ed t Gloucester, 3iddy c me to st y t lodgings ;ith her unt, nd Ailson bribed the m id to deli9er letter into her o;n h nds< but it seems @ery h d lre dy c>uired so much credit ;ith the m id Eby ;h t me ns he best kno;sF th t she c rried the letter to him, nd so the ;hole plot ; s disco9ered7 The r sh boy, ;ithout s ying ;ord of the m tter to me, ;ent immedi tely in se rch of Ailson< nd, + suppose, tre ted him ;ith insolence enough7 The the tric l hero ; s too f r gone in rom nce to brook such us ge? he replied in bl nk 9erse, nd form l ch llenge ensued7 They greed to meet e rly next morning nd decide the dispute ;ith s;ord nd pistol7 + he rd nothing t ll of the ff ir, till 0r 0orley c me to my bed=side in the morning, nd told me he ; s fr id my nephe; ; s going to fight, s he h d been o9erhe rd t lking 9ery loud nd 9ehement ;ith Ailson t the young m n's lodgings the night before, nd fter; rds ;ent nd bought po;der nd b ll t shop in the neighbourhood7 + got up immedi tely, nd upon in>uiry found he ; s just going out7 + begged 0orley to knock up the m yor, th t he might interpose s m gistr te, nd in the me n time + hobbled fter the s>uire, ;hom + s ; t dist nce ; lking t gre t p ce to; rds the city g te == in spite of ll my efforts, + could not come up till our t;o comb t nts h d t ken their ground, nd ;ere priming their pistols7 !n old house luckily screened me from their 9ie;< so th t + rushed upon them t once, before + ; s percei9ed7 They ;ere both confounded, nd ttempted to m ke their esc pe different ; ys< but 0orley coming up ;ith const bles, t th t inst nt, took Ailson into custody, nd @ery follo;ed him >uietly to the m yor's house7 !ll this time + ; s ignor nt of ;h t h d p ssed the preceding d y< nd neither of the p rties ;ould disco9er tittle of the m tter7 The m yor obser9ed th t it ; s gre t presumption in Ailson, ;ho ; s

stroller, to proceed to such extremities ;ith gentlem n of f mily nd fortune< nd thre tened to commit him on the 9 gr nt ct7 == The young fello; bustled up ;ith gre t spirit, decl ring he ; s gentlem n, nd ;ould be tre ted s such< but he refused to expl in himself further7 The m ster of the comp ny being sent for, nd ex mined, touching the s id Ailson, s id the young m n h d eng ged ;ith him t 5irmingh m bout six months go< but ne9er ;ould t ke his s l ry< th t he h d beh 9ed so ;ell in his pri9 te ch r cter, s to c>uire the respect nd good=;ill of ll his c>u int nce, nd th t the public o;ned his merit s n ctor ; s ltogether extr ordin ry7 == !fter ll, + f ncy, he ;ill turn out to be run= ; y prentice from 3ondon7 == The m n ger offered to b il him for ny sum, pro9ided he ;ould gi9e his ;ord nd honour th t he ;ould keep the pe ce< but the young gentlem n ; s on his high ropes, nd ;ould by no me ns l y himself under ny restrictions? on the other h nd, Hopeful ; s e>u lly obstin te< till t length the m yor decl red, th t if they both refused to be bound o9er, he ;ould immedi tely commit Ailson s 9 gr nt to h rd l bour7 + o;n + ; s much ple sed ;ith @ery's beh 9iour on this occ sion? he s id, th t r ther th n 0r Ailson should be tre ted in such n ignominious m nner, he ;ould gi9e his ;ord nd honour to prosecute the ff ir no further ;hile they rem ined t Gloucester == Ailson th nked him for his generous m nner of proceeding, nd ; s disch rged7 ,n our return to our lodgings, my nephe; expl ined the ;hole mystery< nd + o;n + ; s exceedingly incensed == 3iddy being >uestioned on the subject, nd 9ery se9erely repro ched by th t ;ildc t my sister T bby, first s;ooned ; y, then dissol9ing in flood of te rs, confessed ll the p rticul rs of the correspondence, t the s me time gi9ing up three letters, ;hich ; s ll she h d recei9ed from her dmirer7 The l st, ;hich @ery intercepted, + send you inclosed, nd ;hen you h 9e re d it, + d re s y you ;on't ;onder t the progress the ;riter h d m de in the he rt of simple girl, utterly un c>u inted ;ith the ch r cters of m nkind7 Thinking it ; s high time to remo9e her from such d ngerous connexion, + c rried her off the 9ery next d y to 5ristol< but the poor cre ture ; s so frightened nd fluttered, by our thre ts nd expostul tions, th t she fell sick the fourth d y fter our rri9 l t Clifton, nd continued so ill for ;hole ;eek, th t her life ; s desp ired of7 +t ; s not till yesterd y th t *r 1igge decl red her out of d nger7 2ou c nnot im gine ;h t + h 9e suffered, p rtly from the indiscretion of this poor child, but much more from the fe r of losing her entirely7 This ir is intoler bly cold, nd the pl ce >uite solit ry == + ne9er go do;n to the Aell ;ithout returning lo;=spirited< for there + meet ;ith h lf doDen poor em ci ted cre tures, ;ith ghostly looks, in the l st st ge of consumption, ;ho h 9e m de shift to linger through the ;inter like so m ny exotic pl nts l nguishing in hot=house< but in ll ppe r nce, ;ill drop into their gr 9es before the sun h s ; rmth enough to mitig te the rigour of this ungeni l spring7 == +f you think the 5 th=; ter ;ill be of ny

ser9ice to me, + ;ill go thither so soon s my niece c n be r the motion of the co ch7 Tell 5 rns + m obliged to him for his d9ice< but don't choose to follo; it7 +f * 9is 9olunt rily offers to gi9e up the f rm, the other sh ll h 9e it< but + ;ill not begin t this time of d y to distress my ten nts, bec use they re unfortun te, nd c nnot m ke regul r p yments? + ;onder th t 5 rns should think me c p ble of such oppression == !s for Higgins, the fello; is notorious po cher, to be sure< nd n impudent r sc l to set his sn res in my o;n p ddock< but, + suppose, he thought he h d some right Eespeci lly in my bsenceF to p rt ke of ;h t n ture seems to h 9e intended for common use == you m y thre ten him in my n me, s much s you ple se, nd if he repe ts the offence, let me kno; it before you h 9e recourse to justice7 == + kno; you re gre t sportsm n, nd oblige m ny of your friends? + need not tell you to m ke use of my grounds< but it m y be necess ry to hint, th t + m more fr id of my fo;ling=piece th n of my g me7 Ahen you c n sp re t;o or three br ce of p rtridges, send them o9er by the st geco ch, nd tell G;yllim th t she forgot to p ck up my fl nnel nd ;ide shoes in the trunk=m il == + sh ll trouble you s usu l, from time to time, till t l st + suppose you ;ill be tired of corresponding ;ith 2our ssured friend, 07 51!053E C3+.T,-, !pril &H7

To 0iss 32*+! 0E3.,1*7 0iss Aillis h s pronounced my doom == you re going ; y, de r 0iss 0elfordG == you re going to be remo9ed, + kno; not ;hitherG ;h t sh ll + doC ;hich ; y sh ll + turn for consol tionC + kno; not ;h t + s y == ll night long h 9e + been tossed in se of doubts nd fe rs, uncert inty nd distr ction, ;ithout being ble to connect my thoughts, much less to form ny consistent pl n of conduct == + ; s e9en tempted to ;ish th t + h d ne9er seen you< or th t you h d been less mi ble, or less comp ssion te to your poor Ailson< nd yet it ;ould be detest ble ingr titude in me to form such ;ish, considering ho; much + m indebted to your goodness, nd the ineff ble ple sure + h 9e deri9ed from your indulgence nd pprob tion == Good GodG + ne9er he rd your n me mentioned ;ithout emotionG the most dist nt prospect of being dmitted to your comp ny, filled my ;hole soul ;ith kind of ple sing l rmG s the time ppro ched, my he rt be t ;ith redoubled force, nd e9ery ner9e thrilled ;ith tr nsport of expect tion< but, ;hen + found myself ctu lly in your presence< == ;hen + he rd you spe k< == ;hen + s ; you smile< ;hen + beheld your ch rming eyes turned f 9our bly upon me< my bre st ; s filled ;ith such tumults of delight, s ;holly depri9ed me of the po;er of utter nce, nd ;r pt me in delirium of joyG == encour ged by

your s;eetness of temper nd ff bility, + 9entured to describe the feelings of my he rt == e9en then you did not check my presumption == you pitied my sufferings nd g 9e me le 9e to hope you put f 9our ble == perh ps too f 9our ble construction, on my ppe r nce == cert in it is, + m no pl yer in lo9e == + spe k the l ngu ge of my o;n he rt< nd h 9e no prompter but n ture7 2et there is something in this he rt, ;hich + h 9e not yet disclosed7 == + fl ttered myself == 5ut, + ;ill not == + must not proceed7 *e r 0iss 3iddyG for He 9en's s ke, contri9e, if possible, some me ns of letting me spe k to you before you le 9e Gloucester< other;ise, + kno; not ;h t ;ill == 5ut + begin to r 9e g in7 == + ;ill ende 9our to be r this tri l ;ith fortitude == ;hile + m c p ble of reflecting upon your tenderness nd truth, + surely h 9e no c use to desp ir == cloud h ngs o9er me, nd there is dre dful ;eight upon my spiritsG Ahile you st y in this pl ce, + sh ll continu lly ho9er bout your lodgings, s the p rted soul is s id to linger bout the gr 9e ;here its mort l comfort lies7 == + kno;, if it is in your po;er, you ;ill t sk your hum nity == your comp ssion == sh ll + dd, your ffectionC == in order to ssu ge the lmost intoler ble dis>uiet th t torments the he rt of your fflicted, A+3S,G3,/CESTE1, 0 rch :&7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 H,T AE33, !pril &I7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, + gi9e 0 nsel credit for his in9ention, in prop g ting the report th t + h d >u rrel ;ith mounteb nk's merry !ndre; t Gloucester? but + h 9e too much respect for e9ery ppend ge of ;it, to >u rrel e9en ;ith the lo;est buffoonery< nd therefore + hope 0 nsel nd + sh ll l; ys be good friends7 + c nnot, ho;e9er, ppro9e of his dro;ning my poor dog Ponto, on purpose to con9ert ,9id's pleon sm into punning epit ph, == deer nt >uo>ue 3ittor Ponto? for, th t he thre; him into the +sis, ;hen it ; s so high nd impetuous, ;ith no other 9ie; th n to kill the fle s, is n excuse th t ;ill not hold ; ter == 5ut + le 9e poor Ponto to his f te, nd hope Pro9idence ;ill t ke c re to ccommod te 0 nsel ;ith drier de th7 !s there is nothing th t c n be c lled comp ny t the Aell, + m here in st te of bsolute rustic tion? This, ho;e9er, gi9es me leisure to obser9e the singul rities in my uncle's ch r cter, ;hich seems to h 9e interested your curiosity7 The truth is, his disposition nd mine, ;hich, like oil nd 9ineg r, repelled one

nother t first, h 9e no; begun to mix by dint of being be t up together7 + ; s once pt to belie9e him complete Cynic< nd th t nothing but the necessity of his occ sions could compel him to get ;ithin the p le of society == + m no; of nother opinion7 + think his pee9ishness rises p rtly from bodily p in, nd p rtly from n tur l excess of ment l sensibility< for, + suppose, the mind s ;ell s the body, is in some c ses endued ;ith morbid excess of sens tion7 + ; s t'other d y much di9erted ;ith con9ers tion th t p ssed in the Pump=room, bet;ixt him nd the f mous *r 3==n, ;ho is come to ply t the Aell for p tients7 0y uncle ; s compl ining of the stink, occ sioned by the 9 st >u ntity of mud nd slime ;hich the ri9er le 9es t lo; ebb under the ;indo;s of the Pumproom7 He obser9ed, th t the exh l tions rising from such nuis nce, could not but be prejudici l to the ;e k lungs of m ny consumpti9e p tients, ;ho c me to drink the ; ter7 The *octor o9erhe ring this rem rk, m de up to him, nd ssured him he ; s mist ken7 He s id, people in gener l ;ere so misled by 9ulg r prejudices th t philosophy ; s h rdly sufficient to undecei9e them7 Then humming thrice, he ssumed most ridiculous solemnity of spect, nd entered into le rned in9estig tion of the n ture of stink7 He obser9ed, th t stink, or stench, me nt no more th n strong impression on the olf ctory ner9es< nd might be pplied to subst nces of the most opposite >u lities< th t in the *utch l ngu ge, stinken signifies the most gree ble perfume, s ;ell s the most fetid odour, s ppe rs in 6 n 6loudel's tr nsl tion of Hor ce, in th t be utiful ode, Juis mult gr cilis, Bc7 == The ;ords fi>uidis perfusus odoribus, he tr nsl tes 9 n ci9et B mosch t gestinken? th t indi9idu ls differed toto coelo in their opinion of smells, ;hich, indeed, ; s ltogether s rbitr ry s the opinion of be uty< th t the .rench ;ere ple sed ;ith the putrid efflu9i of nim l food< nd so ;ere the Hottentots in !fric , nd the S 9 ges in Greenl nd< nd th t the -egroes on the co st of Seneg l ;ould not touch fish till it ; s rotten< strong presumptions in f 9our of ;h t is gener lly c lled stink, s those n tions re in st te of n ture, undeb uched by luxury, unseduced by ;him nd c price? th t he h d re son to belie9e the stercor ceous fl 9our, condemned by prejudice s stink, ; s, in f ct, most gree ble to the org ns of smelling< for, th t e9ery person ;ho pretended to n use te the smell of nother's excretions, snuffed up his o;n ;ith p rticul r compl cency< for the truth of ;hich he ppe led to ll the l dies nd gentlemen then present? he s id, the inh bit nts of 0 drid nd Edinburgh found p rticul r s tisf ction in bre thing their o;n tmosphere, ;hich ; s l; ys impregn ted ;ith stercor ceous efflu9i ? th t the le rned *r 5==, in his tre tise on the .our *igestions, expl ins in ;h t m nner the 9ol tile efflu9i from the intestines stimul te nd promote the oper tions of the nim l economy? he ffirmed, the l st Gr nd *uke of Tusc ny, of the 0edicis f mily, ;ho refined upon sensu lity ;ith the spirit of philosopher, ; s

so delighted ;ith th t odour, th t he c used the essence of ordure to be extr cted, nd used it s the most delicious perfume? th t he himself Ethe doctorF ;hen he h ppened to be lo;=spirited, or f tigued ;ith business, found immedi te relief nd uncommon s tisf ction from h nging o9er the st le contents of close=stool, ;hile his ser9 nt stirred it bout under his nose< nor ; s this effect to be ;ondered t, ;hen ;e consider th t this subst nce bounds ;ith the self=s me 9ol tile s lts th t re so greedily smelled to by the most delic te in9 lids, fter they h 9e been extr cted nd sublimed by the chemists7 == 5y this time the comp ny beg n to hold their noses< but the doctor, ;ithout t king the le st notice of this sign l, proceeded to she;, th t m ny fetid subst nces ;ere not only gree ble but s lut ry< such s ss foetid , nd other medicin l gums, resins, roots, nd 9eget bles, o9er nd bo9e burnt fe thers, t n=pits, c ndle=snuffs, Bc7 +n short, he used m ny le rned rguments to persu de his udience out of their senses< nd from stench m de tr nsition to filth, ;hich he ffirmed ; s lso mist ken ide , in s much s objects so c lled, ;ere no other th n cert in modific tions of m tter, consisting of the s me principles th t enter into the composition of ll cre ted essences, ;h te9er they m y be? th t in the filthiest production of n ture, philosopher considered nothing but the e rth, ; ter, s lt nd ir, of ;hich it ; s compounded< th t, for his o;n p rt, he h d no more objections to drinking the dirtiest ditch=; ter, th n he h d to gl ss of ; ter from the Hot Aell, pro9ided he ; s ssured there ; s nothing poisonous in the concrete7 Then ddressing himself to my uncle, 'Sir Es id heF you seem to be of dropsic l h bit, nd prob bly ;ill soon h 9e confirmed scites? if + should be present ;hen you re t pped, + ;ill gi9e you con9incing proof of ;h t + ssert, by drinking ;ithout hesit tion the ; ter th t comes out of your bdomen7' == The l dies m de ;ry f ces t this decl r tion, nd my uncle, ch nging colour, told him he did not desire ny such proof of his philosophy? '5ut + should he gl d to kno; Es id heF ;h t m kes you think + m of dropsic l h bitC' 'Sir, + beg p rdon Ereplied the *octorF + percei9e your ncles re s;elled, nd you seem to h 9e the f cies leucophlegm tic 7 Perh ps, indeed, your disorder m y be oedem tous, or gouty, or it m y be the lues 9enere ? +f you h 9e ny re son to fl tter yourself it is this l st, sir, + ;ill undert ke to cure you ;ith three sm ll pills, e9en if the dise se should h 9e tt ined its utmost in9eter cy7 Sir, it is n rc num, ;hich + h 9e disco9ered, nd prep red ;ith infinite l bour7 == Sir, + h 9e l tely cured ;om n in 5ristol == common prostitute, sir, ;ho h d got ll the ;orst symptoms of the disorder< such s nodi, tophi, nd gumm t , 9erruc , cristoe G lli, nd serpiginous eruption, or r ther pocky itch ll o9er her body7 5y the time she h d t ken the second pill, sir, by He 9enG she ; s s smooth s my h nd, nd the third m de her sound nd s fresh s ne; born inf nt7' 'Sir Ecried my uncle pee9ishlyF + h 9e no re son to fl tter myself th t my disorder comes ;ithin the effic cy of your

nostrum7 5ut this p tient you t lk of m y not be so sound t bottom s you im gine7' '+ c n't possibly be mist ken Erejoined the philosopherF for + h 9e h d communic tion ;ith her three times == + l; ys scert in my cures in th t m nner7' !t this rem rk, ll the l dies retired to nother corner of the room, nd some of them beg n to spit7 == !s to my uncle, though he ; s ruffled t first by the doctor's s ying he ; s dropsic l, he could not help smiling t this ridiculous confession nd, + suppose, ;ith 9ie; to punish this origin l, told him there ; s ; rt upon his nose, th t looked little suspicious7 '+ don't pretend to be judge of those m tters Es id heF but + underst nd th t ; rts re often produced by the distemper< nd th t one upon your nose seems to h 9e t ken possession of the 9ery keystone of the bridge, ;hich + hope is in no d nger of f lling7' 3==n seemed little confounded t this rem rk, nd ssured him it ; s nothing but common excrescence of the cuticul , but th t the bones ;ere ll sound belo;< for the truth of this ssertion he ppe led to the touch, desiring he ;ould feel the p rt7 0y uncle s id it ; s m tter of such delic cy to meddle ;ith gentlem n's nose, th t he declined the office == upon ;hich, the *octor turning to me, intre ted me to do him th t f 9our7 + complied ;ith his re>uest, nd h ndled it so roughly, th t he sneeDed, nd the te rs r n do;n his cheeks, to the no sm ll entert inment of the comp ny, nd p rticul rly of my uncle, ;ho burst out =l ughing for the first time since + h 9e been ;ith him< nd took notice, th t the p rt seemed to be 9ery tender7 'Sir Ecried the *octorF it is n tur lly tender p rt< but to remo9e ll possibility of doubt, + ;ill t ke off the ; rt this 9ery night7' So s ying, he bo;ed, ;ith gre t solemnity ll round, nd retired to his o;n lodgings, ;here he pplied c ustic to the ; rt< but it spre d in such m nner s to produce consider ble infl mm tion, ttended ;ith n enormous s;elling< so th t ;hen he next ppe red, his ;hole f ce ; s o9ersh do;ed by this tremendous noDDle< nd the rueful e gerness ;ith ;hich he expl ined this unlucky ccident, ; s ludicrous beyond ll description7 == + ; s much ple sed ;ith meeting the origin l of ch r cter, ;hich you nd + h 9e often l ughed t in description< nd ;h t surprises me 9ery much, + find the fe tures in the picture, ;hich h s been dr ;n for him, r ther softened th n o9er=ch rged7 !s + h 9e something else to s y< nd this letter h s run to n unconscion ble length, + sh ll no; gi9e you little respite, nd trouble you g in by the 9ery first post7 + ;ish you ;ould t ke it in your he d to ret li te these double strokes upon 2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1*

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 H,T AE33, !pril "#7 *E!1 4-+GHT, + no; sit do;n to execute the thre t in the t il of my l st7 The truth is, + m big ;ith the secret, nd long to be deli9ered7 +t rel tes to my gu rdi n, ;ho, you kno;, is t present our princip l object in 9ie;7 T'other d y, + thought + h d detected him in such st te of fr ilty, s ;ould but ill become his ye rs nd ch r cter7 There is decent sort of ;om n, not dis gree ble in her person, th t comes to the Aell, ;ith poor em ci ted child, f r gone in consumption7 + h d c ught my uncle's eyes se9er l times directed to this person, ;ith 9ery suspicious expression in them, nd e9ery time he s ; himself obser9ed, he h stily ;ithdre; them, ;ith e9ident m rks of confusion == + resol9ed to ; tch him more n rro;ly, nd s ; him spe king to her pri9 tely in corner of the ; lk7 !t length, going do;n to the Aell one d y, + met her h lf ; y up the hill to Clifton, nd could not help suspecting she ; s going to our lodgings by ppointment, s it ; s bout one o'clock, the hour ;hen my sister nd + re gener lly t the Pump=room7 == This notion exciting my curiosity, + returned by b ck=; y, nd got unpercei9ed into my o;n ch mber, ;hich is contiguous to my uncle's p rtment7 Sure enough, the ;om n ; s introduced but not into his bedch mber< he g 9e her udience in p rlour< so th t + ; s obliged to shift my st tion to nother room, ;here, ho;e9er, there ; s sm ll chink in the p rtition, through ;hich + could percei9e ;h t p ssed7 0y uncle, though little l me, rose up ;hen she c me in, nd setting ch ir for her, desired she ;ould sit do;n? then he sked if she ;ould t ke dish of chocol te, ;hich she declined, ;ith much ckno;ledgment7 !fter short p use, he s id, in cro king tone of 9oice, ;hich confounded me not little, '0 d m, + m truly concerned for your misfortunes< nd if this trifle c n be of ny ser9ice to you, + beg you ;ill ccept it ;ithout ceremony7' So s ying, he put bit of p per into her h nd, ;hich she opening ;ith gre t trepid tion, excl imed in n ext cy, 'T;enty poundsG ,h, sirG' nd sinking do;n upon settee, f inted ; y == .rightened t this fit, nd, + suppose, fr id of c lling for ssist nce, lest her situ tion should gi9e rise to unf 9our ble conjectures, he r n bout the room in distr ction, m king frightful grim ces< nd, t length, h d recollection enough to thro; little ; ter in her f ce< by ;hich pplic tion she ; s brought to herself? but, then her feeling took nother turn7 She shed flood of te rs, nd cried loud, '+ kno; not ;ho you re? but, sure == ;orthy sir == generous sirG == the distress of me nd my poor dying child == ,hG if the ;ido;'s pr yers == if the orph n's te rs of gr titude

c n ought 9 il == gr cious Pro9idence == 5lessingsG == sho;er do;n etern l blessings7' == Here she ; s interrupted by my uncle, ;ho muttered in 9oice still more nd more discord nt, '.or He 9en's s ke be >uiet, m d m == consider == the people of the house =='sde thG c n't you7' == !ll this time she ; s struggling to thro; herself on her knees, ;hile he seiDing her by the ;rists, ende 9oured to se t her upon the settee, s ying, 'Prithee == good no; == hold your tongue' == !t th t inst nt, ;ho should burst into == the room but our unt T bbyG of ll nti>u ted m idens the most di bolic lly c pricious == E9er prying into other people's ff irs, she h d seen the ;om n enter, nd follo;ed her to the door, ;here she stood listening, but prob bly could he r nothing distinctly, except my uncle's, l st excl m tion< t ;hich she bounded into the p rlour in 9iolent r ge, th t dyed the tip of her nose of purple hue, == '.y upon you, 0 ttG Ecried sheF ;h t doings re these, to disgr ce your o;n ch r cter, nd disp r ge your f milyC' == Then, sn tching the b nk note out of the str nger's h nd, she ;ent on == 'Ho; no;, t;enty poundsG == here is tempt tion ;ith ;itnessG == Good=;om n, go bout your business == 5rother, brother, + kno; not ;hich most to dmire< your concupissins, or your extr 9 g nceG' == 'Good God Eexcl imed the poor ;om nF sh ll ;orthy gentlem n's ch r cter suffer for n ction th t does honour to hum nityC' 5y this time, uncle's indign tion ; s effectu lly roused7 His f ce gre; p le, his teeth ch ttered, nd his eyes fl shed == 'Sister Ecried he, in 9oice like thunderF + 9o; to God, your impertinence is exceedingly pro9oking7' Aith these ;ords, he took her by the h nd, nd, opening the door of communic tion, thrust her into the ch mber ;here + stood, so ffected by the scene, th t the te rs r n do;n my cheeks7 ,bser9ing these m rks of emotion, '+ don't ;onder Es id sheF to see you concerned t the b ck=slidings of so ne r rel tion< m n of his ye rs nd infirmities? These re fine doings, truly == This is r re ex mple, set by gu rdi n, for the benefit of his pupils == 0onstrousG incongruousG sophistic lG' == + thought it ; s but n ct of justice to set her to rights< nd therefore expl ined the mystery7 5ut she ;ould not be undecei9ed, 'Ah t Es id sheF ;ould you go for to offer for to rguefy me out of my sensesC *id'n't + he r him ;hispering to her to hold her tongueC *id'n't + see her in te rsC *id'n't + see him struggling to thro; her upon the couchC # filthyG hideousG bomin bleG Child, child, t lk not to me of ch rity7 == Aho gi9es t;enty pounds in ch rityC == 5ut you re stripling == 2ou kno; nothing of the ;orld7 5esides, ch rity begins t home == T;enty pounds ;ould buy me complete suit of flo;ered silk, trimmings nd ll ==' +n short, + >uitted the room, my contempt for her, nd my respect for her brother, being incre sed in the s me proportion7 + h 9e since been informed, th t the person, ;hom my uncle so generously relie9ed, is the ;ido; of n ensign, ;ho h s nothing to depend upon but the pension of fifteen pounds ye r7 The people of the Aell=house gi9e her n excellent ch r cter7 She lodges in g rret, nd ;orks 9ery h rd t pl in ;ork, to support

her d ughter, ;ho is dying of consumption7 + must o;n, to my sh me, + feel strong inclin tion to follo; my uncle's ex mple, in relie9ing this poor ;ido;< but, bet;ixt friends, + m fr id of being detected in ;e kness, th t might ent il the ridicule of the comp ny, upon, *e r Phillips, 2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1* *irect your next to me t 5 th< nd remember me to ll our fello;=jesuits7

To *r 3EA+S7 H#T AE33, !pril "#7 + underst nd your hint7 There re mysteries in physic, s ;ell s in religion< ;hich ;e of the prof ne h 9e no right to in9estig te == ! m n must not presume to use his re son, unless he h s studied the c tegories, nd c n chop logic by mode nd figure == 5et;een friends, + think e9ery m n of toler ble p rts ought, t my time of d y, to be both physici n nd l ;yer, s f r s his o;n constitution nd property re concerned7 .or my o;n p rt, + h 9e h d n hospit l these fourteen ye rs ;ithin myself, nd studied my o;n c se ;ith the most p inful ttention< conse>uently m y be supposed to kno; something of the m tter, lthough + h 9e not t ken regul r courses of physiology et ceter et ceter 7 == +n short, + h 9e for some time been of opinion Eno offence, de r *octorF th t the sum of ll your medic l disco9eries mounts to this, th t the more you study the less you kno;7 == + h 9e re d ll th t h s been ;ritten on the Hot Aells, nd ;h t + c n collect from the ;hole, is, th t the ; ter cont ins nothing but little s lt, nd c lc rious e rth, mixed in such inconsider ble proportion, s c n h 9e 9ery little, if ny, effect on the nim l economy7 This being the c se, + think the m n deser9es to be fitted ;ith c p nd bells, ;ho for such p ultry d9 nt ge s this spring ffords, s crifices his precious time, ;hich might be employed in t king more effectu l remedies, nd exposes himself to the dirt, the stench, the chilling bl sts, nd perpetu l r ins, th t render this pl ce to me intoler ble7 +f these ; ters, from sm ll degree of stringency, re of some ser9ice in the di betes, di rrhoe , nd night s;e ts, ;hen the secretions re too much incre sed, must not they do h rm in the s me proportion, ;here the humours re obstructed, s in the sthm , scur9y, gout nd dropsyC == -o; ;e t lk of the dropsy, here is str nge f nt stic l oddity, one of your brethren, ;ho h r ngues e9ery d y in the Pump=room, s if he ; s hired to gi9e lectures on ll subjects ;h tsoe9er == + kno; not ;h t to m ke of him ==

Sometimes he m kes shre;d rem rks< t other times he t lks like the gre test simpleton in n ture == He h s re d gre t de l< but ;ithout method or judgment, nd digested nothing7 He belie9es e9ery thing he h s re d< especi lly if it h s ny thing of the m r9ellous in it nd his con9ers tion is surpriDing hotch=potch of erudition nd extr 9 g nce7 He told me t'other d y, ;ith gre t confidence, th t my c se ; s dropsic l< or, s he c lled it, leucophlegm tic? ! sure sign, th t his ; nt of experience is e>u l to his presumption == for, you kno;, there is nothing n logous to the dropsy in my disorder == + ;ish those impertinent fello;s, ;ith their ricketty underst ndings, ;ould keep their d9ice for those th t sk it7 *ropsy, indeedG Sure + h 9e not li9ed to the ge of fifty=fi9e, nd h d such experience of my o;n disorder, nd consulted you nd other eminent physici ns, so often, nd so long, to be undecei9ed by such == 5ut, ;ithout ll doubt, the m n is m d< nd, therefore, ;h t he s ys is of no conse>uence7 + h d, yesterd y, 9isit from Higgins, ;ho c me hither under the terror of your thre ts, nd brought me in present br ce of h res, ;hich he o;ned he took in my ground< nd + could not persu de the fello; th t he did ;rong, or th t + ;ould e9er prosecute him for po ching == + must desire you ;ill ;ink h rd t the pr ctices of this r sc llion, other;ise + sh ll be pl gued ;ith his presents, ;hich cost me more th n they re ;orth7 == +f + could ;onder t ny thing .itDo;en does, + should be surpriDed t his ssur nce in desiring you to solicit my 9ote for him t the next election for the county? for him, ;ho opposed me, on the like occ sion, ;ith the most illiber l competition7 2ou m y tell him ci9illy, th t + beg to be excused7 *irect your next for me t 5 th, ;hither + propose to remo9e to=morro;< not only on my o;n ccount, but for the s ke of my niece, 3iddy, ;ho is like to rel pse7 The poor cre ture fell into fit yesterd y, ;hile + ; s che pening p ir of spect cles, ;ith @e;=pedl r7 + m fr id there is something still lurking in th t little he rt of hers, ;hich + hope ch nge of objects ;ill remo9e7 3et me kno; ;h t you think of this h lf=;itted *octor's impertinent, ridiculous, nd bsurd notion of my disorder == So f r from being dropsic l, + m s l nk in the belly s grey=hound< nd, by me suring my ncle ;ith p ck=thre d, + find the s;elling subsides e9ery d y7 .rom such doctors, good 3ord deli9er usG == + h 9e not yet t ken ny lodgings in 5 th< bec use there ;e c n be ccommod ted t minute's ; rning, nd + sh ll choose for myself == + need not s y your directions for drinking nd b thing ;ill be gree ble to, *e r 3e;is, 2ours e9er, 0!T7 51!053E P7S7 + forgot to tell you, th t my right ncle pits, symptom, s + t ke it, of its being oedem tous, not leucophlegm tic7

To 0iss 3ETT2 A+33+S, t Gloucester H,T AE33, !pril "&7 02 *E!1 3ETT2, + did not intend to trouble you g in, till ;e should be settled t 5 th< but h 9ing the occ sion of @ r9is, + could not let it slip, especi lly s + h 9e something extr ordin ry to communic te7 ,, my de r comp nionG Ah t sh ll + tell youC for se9er l d ys p st there ; s @e;=looking m n, th t plied t the Aells ;ith box of spect cles< nd he l; ys eyed me so e rnestly, th t + beg n to be 9ery une sy7 !t l st, he c me to our lodgings t Clifton, nd lingered bout the door, s if he ; nted to spe k to somebody == + ; s seiDed ;ith n odd kind of fluttering, nd begged Ain to thro; herself in his ; y? but the poor girl h s ;e k ner9es, nd ; s fr id of his be rd7 0y uncle, h 9ing occ sion for ne; gl sses, c lled him up st irs, nd ; s trying p ir of spect cles, ;hen the m n, d9 ncing to me, s id in ;hisper == , gr ciousG ;h t d'ye think he s idC == '+ m AilsonG' His fe tures struck me th t 9ery moment it ; s Ailson, sure enoughG but so disguised, th t it ;ould h 9e been impossible to kno; him, if my he rt h d not ssisted in the disco9ery7 + ; s so surprised, nd so frightened th t + f inted ; y, but soon reco9ered< nd found myself supported by him on the ch ir, ;hile my uncle ; s running bout the room, ;ith the spect cles on his nose, c lling for help7 + h d no opportunity to spe k to him< but looks ;ere sufficiently expressi9e7 He ; s p yed for his gl sses, nd ;ent ; y7 Then + told Ain ;ho he ; s, nd sent her fter him to the Pump=room< ;here she spoke to him, nd begged him in my n me to ;ithdr ; from the pl ce, th t he might not incur the suspicion of my uncle or my brother, if he did not ; nt to see me die of terror nd 9ex tion7 The poor youth decl red, ;ith te rs in his eyes, th t he h d something extr ordin ry to communic te< nd sked, if she ;ould deli9er letter to me? but this she bsolutely refused, by my order7 == .inding her obstin te in her refus l, he desired she ;ould tell me th t he ; s no longer pl yer, but gentlem n< in ;hich ch r cter he ;ould 9ery soon 9o; his p ssion for me, ;ithout fe r of censure or repro ch == - y, he e9en disco9ered his n me nd f mily, ;hich, to my gre t grief, the simple girl forgot, in the confusion occ sioned by her being seen t lking to him by my brother, ;ho stopt her on the ro d, nd sked ;h t business she h d ;ith th t r sc lly @e;7 She pretended she ; s che pening st y=hook, but ; s thro;n into such >u nd ry, th t she forgot the most m teri l p rt of the inform tion< nd ;hen she c me home, ;ent into n hysteric fit of l ughing7 This tr ns ction h ppened three d ys go, during ;hich he h s not ppe red, so th t + suppose he h s gone7 *e r 3ettyG you see ho; .ortune t kes ple sure in persecuting your poor

friend7 +f you should see him t Gloucester == or if you h 9e seen him, nd kno; his re l n me nd f mily, pr y keep me no longer in suspence == !nd yet, if he is under no oblig tion to keep himself longer conce led, nd h s re l ffection for me, + should hope he ;ill, in little time, decl re himself to my rel tions7 Sure, if there is nothing unsuit ble in the m tch, they ;on't be so cruel s to th; rt my inclin tions == , ;h t h ppiness ;ould then be my portionG + c n't help indulging the thought, nd ple sing my f ncy ;ith such gree ble ide s< ;hich fter ll, perh ps, ;ill ne9er be re liDed == 5ut, ;hy should + desp irC ;ho kno;s ;h t ;ill h ppenC == Ae set out for 5 th to=morro;, nd + m lmost sorry for it< s + begin to be in lo9e ;ith solitude, nd this is ch rming rom ntic pl ce7 The ir is so pure< the *o;ns re so gree ble< the furD in full blossom< the ground en melled ;ith d isies, nd primroses, nd co;slips< ll the trees bursting into le 9es, nd the hedges lre dy clothed ;ith their 9ern l li9ery< the mount ins co9ered ;ith flocks of sheep nd tender ble ting ; nton l mbkins pl ying, frisking, nd skipping from side to side< the gro9es resound ;ith the notes of bl ckbird, thrush, nd linnet< nd ll night long s;eet Philomel pours forth her r 9ishingly delightful song7 Then, for 9 riety, ;e go do;n to the nymph of 5ristol spring, ;here the comp ny is ssembled before dinner< so good n tured, so free, so e sy< nd there ;e drink the ; ter so cle r, so pure, so mild, so ch rmingly m ukish7 There the fun is so che rful nd re9i9ing< the ;e ther so soft< the ; lk so gree ble< the prospect so musing< nd the ships nd bo ts going up nd do;n the ri9er, close under the ;indo;s of the Pump=room, fford such n ench nting 9 riety of 0o9ing Pictures, s re>uire much bler pen th n mine to describe7 To m ke this pl ce perfect p r dise to me, nothing is ; nting but n gree ble comp nion nd sincere friend< such s my de r miss Aillis h th been, nd + hope still ;ill be, to her e9er f ithful7 32*+! 0E3.,1* *irect for me, still under co9er, to Ain< nd @ r9is ;ill t ke c re to con9ey it s fe7 !dieu7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 5!TH, !pril "87 *E!1 PH+33+PS, 2ou h 9e, indeed, re son to be surprised, th t + should h 9e conce led my correspondence ;ith miss 5l ckerby from you, to ;hom + disclosed ll my other connexions of th t n ture< but the truth

is, + ne9er dre med of ny such commerce, till your l st informed me, th t it h d produced something ;hich could not be much longer conce led7 +t is lucky circumst nce, ho;e9er, th t her reput tion ;ill not suffer ny detriment, but r ther deri9e d9 nt ge from the disco9ery< ;hich ;ill pro9e, t le st, th t it is not >uite so rotten s most people im gined == .or my o;n p rt, + decl re to you, in ll the sincerity of friendship, th t, f r from h 9ing ny morous intercourse ;ith the object in >uestion, + ne9er h d the le st c>u int nce ;ith her person< but, if she is re lly in the condition you describe, + suspect 0 nsel to be t the bottom of the ;hole7 His 9isits to th t shrine ;ere no secret< nd this tt chment, dded to some good offices, ;hich you kno; he h s done me, since + left !lm =m ter, gi9e me right to belie9e him c p ble of s ddling me ;ith this sc nd l, ;hen my b ck ; s turned == -e9ertheless, if my n me c n be of ny ser9ice to him, he is ;elcome to m ke use of it< nd if the ;om n should be b ndoned enough to s;e r his b nding to me, + must beg the f 9our of you to compound ;ith the p rish? + sh ll p y the pen lty ;ithout repining< nd you ;ill be so good s to dr ; upon me immedi tely for the sum re>uired == ,n this occ sion, + ct by the d9ice of my uncle< ;ho s ys + sh ll h 9e good=luck if + p ss through life ;ithout being obliged to m ke m ny more compositions of the s me kind7 The old gentlem n told me l st night, ;ith gre t good=humour, th t bet;ixt the ge of t;enty nd forty, he h d been obliged to pro9ide for nine b st rds, s;orn to him by ;omen ;hom he ne9er s ; == 0r 5r mble's ch r cter, ;hich seems to interest you gre tly, opens nd impro9es upon me e9ery d y7 His singul rities fford rich mine of entert inment< his underst nding, so f r s + c n judge, is ;ell culti9 ted< his obser9 tions on life re e>u lly just, pertinent, nd uncommon7 He ffects mis nthropy, in order to conce l the sensibility of he rt, ;hich is tender, e9en to degree of ;e kness7 This delic cy of feeling, or soreness of the mind, m kes him timorous nd fe rful< but then he is fr id of nothing so much s of dishonour< nd lthough he is exceedingly c utious of gi9ing offence, he ;ill fire t the le st hint of insolence or ill=breeding7 == 1espect ble s he is, upon the ;hole, + c n't help being sometimes di9erted by his little distresses< ;hich pro9oke him to let fly the sh fts of his s tire, keen nd penetr ting s the rro;s of Teucer == ,ur unt, T bith , cts upon him s perpetu l grind=stone == She is, in ll respects, striking contr st to her brother == 5ut + reser9e her portr it for nother occ sion7 Three d ys go ;e c me hither from the Hot Aell, nd took possession of the first floor of lodging=house, on the South P r de< situ tion ;hich my uncle chose, for its being ne r the 5 th, nd remote from the noise of c rri ges7 He ; s sc rce ; rm in the lodgings ;hen he c lled for his night=c p, his ;ide shoes, nd fl nnel< nd decl red himself in9ested ;ith the gout in his right foot< though, + belie9e it h d s yet re ched no f rther

th n his im gin tion7 +t ; s not long before he h d re son to repent his prem ture decl r tion< for our unt T bith found me ns to m ke such cl mour nd confusion, before the fl nnels could be produced from the trunk, th t one ;ould h 9e im gined the house ; s on fire7 !ll this time, uncle s t boiling ;ith imp tience, biting his fingers, thro;ing up his eyes, nd muttering ej cul tions< t length he burst into kind of con9ulsi9e l ugh, fter ;hich he hummed song< nd ;hen the hurric ne ; s o9er, excl imed '5lessed be God for ll thingsG' This, ho;e9er, ; s but the beginning of his troubles7 0rs T bith 's f 9ourite dog Cho;der, h 9ing p id his compliments to fem le turnspit of his o;n species, in the kitchen, in9ol9ed himself in >u rrel ;ith no fe;er th n fi9e ri9 ls, ;ho set upon him t once, nd dro9e him up st irs to the dining room door, ;ith hideous noise? there our unt nd her ;om n, t king rms in his defence, joined the concert< ;hich bec me truly di bolic l7 This fr y being ;ith difficulty suppressed, by the inter9ention of our o;n footm n nd the cook=m id of the house, the s>uire h d just opened his mouth, to expostul te ;ith T bby, ;hen the to;n=; its, in the p ss ge belo;, struck up their music Eif music it m y be c lledF ;ith such sudden burst of sound, s m de him st rt nd st re, ;ith m rks of indign tion nd dis>uiet7 He h d recollection enough to send his ser9 nt ;ith some money to silence those noisy intruders< nd they ;ere immedi tely dismissed, though not ;ithout some opposition on the p rt of T bith , ;ho thought it but re son ble th t he should h 9e more music for his money7 Sc rce h d he settled this knotty point, ;hen str nge kind of thumping nd bouncing ; s he rd right o9er=he d, in the second story, so loud nd 9iolent, s to sh ke the ;hole building7 + o;n + ; s exceedingly pro9oked t this ne; l rm< nd before my uncle h d time to express himself on the subject, + r n up st irs, to see ;h t ; s the m tter7 .inding the room=door open, + entered ;ithout ceremony, nd percei9ed n object, ;hich + c n not no; recollect ;ithout l ughing to excess == +t ; s d ncing m ster, ;ith his schol r, in the ct of te ching7 The m ster ; s blind of one eye, nd l me of one foot, nd led bout the room his pupil< ;ho seemed to be bout the ge of threescore, stooped mort lly, ; s t ll, r ;=boned, h rd=f 9oured, ;ith ;oollen night=c p on his he d< nd he h d stript off his co t, th t he might be more nimble in his motions == .inding himself intruded upon, by person he did not kno;, he forth;ith girded himself ;ith long iron s;ord, nd d9 ncing to me, ;ith peremptory ir, pronounced, in true Hiberni n ccent, '0ister Ah t d'ye c llum, by my s oul nd conscience, + m 9ery gl d to se you, if you re fter coming in the ; y of friendship< nd indeed, nd indeed no;, + belie9e you re my friend sure enough, gr < though + ne9er h d the honour to se your f ce before, my de r< for bec se you come like friend, ;ithout ny ceremony t ll, t ll' == + told him the n ture of my 9isit ;ould not dmit of ceremony< th t + ; s come to desire he ;ould m ke less noise, s there ; s sick gentlem n belo;,

;hom he h d no right to disturb ;ith such preposterous doings7 'Ahy, look=ye no;, young gentlem n Ereplied this origin lF perh ps, upon nother occ sion, + might shi9illy re>uest you to expl in the m ining of th t h rd ;ord, prep sterous? but there's time for ll things, honey' == So s ying, he p ssed me ;ith gre t gility, nd, running do;n st irs, found our foot=m n t the dining=room door, of ;hom he dem nded dmitt nce, to p y his respects to the str nger7 !s the fello; did not think proper to refuse the re>uest of such formid ble figure, he ; s immedi tely introduced, nd ddressed himself to my uncle in these ;ords? '2our humble ser9 nt, good sir, == +'m not so prep sterous, s your son c lls it, but + kno; the rules of shi9ility = +'m poor knight of +rel nd, my n me is sir /lic 0 ckilligut, of the county of G l; y< being your fello;=lodger, +'m come to p y my respects, nd to ;elcome you to the South P r de, nd to offer my best ser9ices to you, nd your good l dy, nd your pretty d ughter< nd e9en to the young gentlem n your son, though he thinks me prep sterous fello; == 2ou must kno; + m to h 9e the honour to open b ll next door to=morro; ;ith l dy 0 c 0 nus< nd being rusted in my d ncing, + ; s refreshing my memory ;ith little exercise< but if + h d kno;n there ; s sick person belo;, by ChristG + ;ould h 9e sooner d nced hornpipe upon my o;n he d, th n ; lk the softest minuet o9er yours7' == 0y uncle, ;ho ; s not little st rtled t his first ppe r nce, recei9ed his compliment ;ith gre t compl cency, insisted upon his being se ted, th nked him for the honour of his 9isit, nd reprim nded me for my brupt expostul tion ;ith gentlem n of his r nk nd ch r cter7 Thus tutored, + sked p rdon of the knight, ;ho, forth;ith st rting up, embr ced me so close, th t + could h rdly bre the< nd ssured me, he lo9ed me s his o;n soul7 !t length, recollecting his night=c p, he pulled it off in some confusion< nd, ;ith his b ld=p te unco9ered, m de thous nd pologies to the l dies, s he retired == !t th t inst nt, the !bbey bells, beg n to ring so loud, th t ;e could not he r one nother spe k< nd this pe l, s ;e fter; rds le rned, ; s for the honour of 0r 5ullock, n eminent co;keeper of Tottenh m, ;ho h d just rri9ed t 5 th, to drink the ; ters for indigestion7 0r 5r mble h d not time to m ke his rem rks upon the gree ble n ture of this seren de, before his e rs ;ere s luted ;ith nother concert th t interested him more ne rly7 T;o negroes, belonging to Creole gentlem n, ;ho lodged in the s me house, t king their st tion t ;indo; in the st ir=c se, bout ten feet from our dining=room door, beg n to pr ctise upon the .rench=horn< nd being in the 9ery first rudiments of execution, produced such discord nt sounds, s might h 9e discomposed the org ns of n ss7 2ou m y guess ;h t effect they h d upon the irrit ble ner9es of uncle< ;ho, ;ith the most dmir ble expression of splenetic surpriDe in his counten nce, sent his m n to silence these dre dful bl sts, nd desire the musici ns to pr ctise in some other pl ce, s they h d no right to st nd there nd disturb ll the lodgers in the house7 Those s ble performers,

f r from t king the hint, nd ;ithdr ;ing, tre ted the messenger ;ith gre t insolence< bidding him c rry his compliments to their m ster, colonel 1ig;orm, ;ho ;ould gi9e him proper ns;er, nd good drubbing into the b rg in< in the me n time they continued their noise, nd e9en ende 9oured to m ke it more dis gree ble< l ughing bet;een ;hiles, t the thoughts of being ble to torment their betters ;ith impunity7 ,ur 's>uire, incensed t the ddition l insult, immedi tely disp tched the ser9 nt, ;ith his compliments to colonel 1ig;orm, re>uesting th t he ;ould order his bl cks to be >uiet, s the noise they m de ; s ltogether intoler ble == To this mess ge, the Creole colonel replied, th t his horns h d right to sound on common st irc se< th t there they should pl y for his di9ersion< nd th t those ;ho did not like the noise, might look for lodgings else;here7 0r 5r mble no sooner recei9ed this reply, th n his eyes beg n to glisten, his f ce gre; p le, nd his teeth ch ttered7 !fter moment's p use, he slipt on his shoes, ;ithout spe king ;ord, or seeming to feel ny further disturb nce from the gout in his toes7 Then sn tching his c ne, he opened the door nd proceeded to the pl ce ;here the bl ck trumpeters ;ere posted7 There, ;ithout further hesit tion, he beg n to bel bour them both< nd exerted himself ;ith such stonishing 9igour nd gility, th t both their he ds nd horns ;ere broken in t;inkling, nd they r n ho;ling do;n st irs to their m ster's p rlour=door7 The s>uire, follo;ing them h lf ; y, c lled loud, th t the colonel might he r him, 'Go, r sc ls, nd tell your m ster ;h t + h 9e done< if he thinks himself injured, he kno;s ;here to come for s tisf ction7 !s for you, this is but n e rnest of ;h t you sh ll recei9e, if e9er you presume to blo; horn g in here, ;hile + st y in the house7' So s ying, he retired to his p rtment, in expect tion of he ring from the Aest +ndi n< but the colonel prudently declined ny f rther prosecution of the dispute7 0y sister 3iddy ; s frighted into fit, from ;hich she ; s no sooner reco9ered, th n 0rs T bith beg n lecture upon p tience< ;hich her brother interrupted ;ith most signific nt grin, 'True, sister, God incre se my p tience nd your discretion7 + ;onder E dded heF ;h t sort of son t ;e re to expect from this o9erture, in ;hich the de9il, th t presides o9er horrid sounds, h th gi9en us such 9 ri tions of discord == The tr mpling of porters, the cre king nd cr shing of trunks, the sn rling of curs, the scolding of ;omen, the s>ue king nd s>u lling of fiddles nd h utboys out of tune, the bouncing of the +rish b ronet o9er=he d, nd the bursting, belching, nd br ttling of the .rench=horns in the p ss ge Enot to mention the h rmonious pe l th t still thunders from the !bbey steepleF succeeding one nother ;ithout interruption, like the different p rts of the s me concert, h 9e gi9en me such n ide of ;h t poor in9 lid h s to expect in this temple, dedic ted to Silence nd 1epose, th t + sh ll cert inly shift my >u rters to=morro;, nd ende 9our to effectu te my retre t before Sir /lic opens the b ll ;ith my l dy 0 c 0 nus< conjunction th t bodes me no good7' This intim tion

; s by no me ns gree ble to 0rs T bith , ;hose e rs ;ere not >uite so delic te s those of her brother == She s id it ;ould be gre t folly to mo9e from such gree ble lodgings, the moment they ;ere comfort bly settled7 She ;ondered he should be such n enemy to music nd mirth7 She he rd no noise but of his o;n m king? it ; s impossible to m n ge f mily in dumb=she;7 He might h rp s long s he ple sed upon her scolding< but she ne9er scolded, except for his d9 nt ge< but he ;ould ne9er be s tisfied, e9en tho'f she should s;e t blood nd ; ter in his ser9ice == + h 9e gre t notion th t our unt, ;ho is no; declining into the most desper te st te of celib cy, h d formed some design upon the he rt of Sir /lic 0 ckilligut, ;hich she fe red might be frustr ted by our brupt dep rture from these lodgings7 Her brother, eyeing her sk nce, 'P rdon me, sister Es id heF + should be s 9 ge, indeed, ;ere + insensible of my o;n felicity, in h 9ing such mild, compl is nt, good=humoured, nd consider te comp nion nd housekeeper< but s + h 9e got ;e k he d, nd my sense of he ring is p infully cute, before + h 9e recourse to plugs of ;ool nd cotton, +'ll try ;hether + c n't find nother lodging, ;here + sh ll h 9e more >uiet nd less music7' He ccordingly disp tched his m n upon this ser9ice< nd next d y he found sm ll house in 0ilsh m=street, ;hich he hires by the ;eek7 Here, t le st, ;e enjoy con9enience nd >uiet ;ithin doors, s much s T bby's temper ;ill llo;< but the s>uire still compl ins of flying p ins in the stom ch nd he d, for ;hich he b thes nd drinks the ; ters7 He is not so b d, ho;e9er, but th t he goes in person to the pump, the rooms, nd the coffeehouses< ;here he picks up continu l food for ridicule nd s tire7 +f + c n gle n ny thing for your musement, either from his obser9 tion or my o;n, you sh ll h 9e it freely, though + m fr id it ;ill poorly compens te the trouble of re ding these tedious insipid letters of, *e r Phillips, 2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1* To *r 3EA+S7 5!TH, !pril ":7 *E!1 *,CT,1, +f + did not kno; th t the exercise of your profession h s h bitu ted you to the he ring of compl ints, + should m ke conscience of troubling you ;ith my correspondence, ;hich m y be truly c lled the l ment tions of 0 tthe; 5r mble7 2et + c nnot help thinking + h 9e some right to disch rge the o9erflo;ings of my spleen upon you, ;hose pro9ince it is to remo9e those disorders th t occ sioned it< nd let me tell you, it is no sm ll lle9i tion of my grie9 nces, th t + h 9e sensible friend, to

;hom + c n communic te my crusty humours, ;hich, by retention, ;ould gro; intoler bly crimonious7 2ou must kno;, + find nothing but dis ppointment t 5 th< ;hich is so ltered, th t + c n sc rce belie9e it is the s me pl ce th t + fre>uented bout thirty ye rs go7 0ethinks + he r you s y, '!ltered it is, ;ithout ll doubt? but then it is ltered for the better< truth ;hich, perh ps, you ;ould o;n ;ithout hesit tion, if you yourself ; s not ltered for the ;orse7' The reflection m y, for ught + kno;, be just7 The incon9eniences ;hich + o9erlooked in the high=d y of he lth, ;ill n tur lly strike ;ith ex gger ted impression on the irrit ble ner9es of n in9 lid, surprised by prem ture old ge, nd sh ttered ;ith long=suffering == 5ut, + belie9e, you ;ill not deny, th t this pl ce, ;hich - ture nd Pro9idence seem to h 9e intended s resource from distemper nd dis>uiet, is become the 9ery centre of r cket nd dissip tion7 +nste d of th t pe ce, tr n>uillity, nd c se, so necess ry to those ;ho l bour under b d he lth, ;e k ner9es, nd irregul r spirits< here ;e h 9e nothing but noise, tumult, nd hurry< ;ith the f tigue nd sl 9ery of m int ining ceremoni l, more stiff, form l, nd oppressi9e, th n the eti>uette of Germ n elector7 ! n tion l hospit l it m y be, but one ;ould im gine th t none but lun tics re dmitted< nd truly, + ;ill gi9e you le 9e to c ll me so, if + st y much longer t 5 th7 == 5ut + sh ll t ke nother opportunity to expl in my sentiments t gre ter length on this subject == + ; s imp tient to see the bo sted impro9ements in rchitecture, for ;hich the upper p rts of the to;n h 9e been so much celebr ted nd t'other d y + m de circuit of ll the ne; buildings7 The S>u re, though irregul r, is, on the ;hole, pretty ;ell l id out, sp cious, open, nd iry< nd, in my opinion, by f r the most ;holesome nd gree ble situ tion in 5 th, especi lly the upper side of it< but the 9enues to it re me n, dirty, d ngerous, nd indirect7 +ts communic tion ;ith the 5 ths, is through the y rd of n inn, ;here the poor trembling 9 letudin ri n is c rried in ch ir, bet;ixt the heels of double ro; of horses, ;incing under the curry=combs of grooms nd postilions, o9er nd bo9e the h D rd of being obstructed, or o9erturned by the c rri ges ;hich re continu lly m king their exit or their entr nce == + suppose fter some ch irmen sh ll h 9e been m imed, nd fe; li9es lost by those ccidents, the corpor tion ;ill think, in e rnest, bout pro9iding more s fe nd commodious p ss ge7 The Circus is pretty b uble, contri9ed for she;, nd looks like 6esp si n's mphithe tre turned outside in7 +f ;e consider it in point of m gnificence, the gre t number of sm ll doors belonging to the sep r te houses, the inconsider ble height of the different orders, the ffected orn ments of the rchitr 9e, ;hich re both childish nd mispl ced, nd the re s projecting into the street, surrounded ;ith iron r ils, destroy good p rt of its effect upon the eye< nd, perh ps, ;e sh ll find it still more defecti9e, if ;e 9ie; it in the light of con9enience7 The figure

of e ch sep r te d;elling=house, being the segment of circle, must spoil the symmetry of the rooms, by contr cting them to; rds the street ;indo;s, nd le 9ing l rger s;eep in the sp ce behind7 +f, inste d of the re s nd iron r ils, ;hich seem to be of 9ery little use, there h d been corridore ;ith rc des ll round, s in Co9ent=g rden, the ppe r nce of the ;hole ;ould h 9e been more m gnificent nd striking< those rc des ;ould h 9e fforded n gree ble co9ered ; lk, nd sheltered the poor ch irmen nd their c rri ges from the r in, ;hich is here lmost perpetu l7 !t present, the ch irs st nd so king in the open street, from morning to night, till they become so m ny boxes of ;et le ther, for the benefit of the gouty nd rheum tic, ;ho re tr nsported in them from pl ce to pl ce7 +ndeed this is shocking incon9enience th t extends o9er the ;hole city< nd, + m persu ded, it produces infinite mischief to the delic te nd infirm< e9en the close ch irs, contri9ed for the sick, by st nding in the open ir, h 9e their friDe linings impregn ted like so m ny spunges, ;ith the moisture of the tmosphere, nd those c ses of cold 9 pour must gi9e ch rming check to the perspir tion of p tient, piping hot from the 5 th, ;ith ll his pores ;ide open7 5ut, to return to the Circus< it is incon9enient from its situ tion, t so gre t dist nce from ll the m rkets, b ths, nd pl ces of public entert inment7 The only entr nce to it, through G y=street, is so difficult, steep, nd slippery, th t in ;et ;e ther, it must be exceedingly d ngerous, both for those th t ride in c rri ges, nd those th t ; lk =foot< nd ;hen the street is co9ered ;ith sno;, s it ; s for fifteen d ys successi9ely this 9ery ;inter, + don't see ho; ny indi9idu l could go either up or do;n, ;ithout the most imminent h D rd of broken bones7 +n blo;ing ;e ther, + m told, most of the houses in this hill re smothered ;ith smoke, forced do;n the chimneys, by the gusts of ;ind re9erber ted from the hill behind, ;hich E+ pprehend like;iseF must render the tmosphere here more humid nd un;holesome th n it is in the s>u re belo;< for the clouds, formed by the const nt e9 por tion from the b ths nd ri9ers in the bottom, ;ill, in their scent this ; y, be first ttr cted nd det ined by the hill th t rises close behind the Circus, nd lo d the ir ;ith perpetu l succession of 9 pours? this point, ho;e9er, m y be e sily scert ined by me ns of n hygrometer, or p per of s lt of t rt r exposed to the ction of the tmosphere7 The s me rtist ;ho pl nned the Circus, h s like;ise projected Crescent< ;hen th t is finished, ;e sh ll prob bly h 9e St r< nd those ;ho re li9ing thirty ye rs hence, m y, perh ps, see ll the signs of the Kodi c exhibited in rchitecture t 5 th7 These, ho;e9er f nt stic l, re still designs th t denote some ingenuity nd kno;ledge in the rchitect< but the r ge of building h s l id hold on such number of d9enturers, th t one sees ne; houses st rting up in e9ery out=let nd e9ery corner of 5 th< contri9ed ;ithout

judgment, executed ;ithout solidity, nd stuck together ;ith so little reg rd to pl n nd propriety, th t the different lines of the ne; ro;s nd buildings interfere ;ith, nd intersect one nother in e9ery different ngle of conjunction7 They look like the ;reck of streets nd s>u res disjointed by n e rth>u ke, ;hich h th broken the ground into 9 riety of holes nd hillocks< or s if some Gothic de9il h d stuffed them ltogether in b g, nd left them to st nd higgledy piggledy, just s ch nce directed7 Ah t sort of monster 5 th ;ill become in fe; ye rs, ;ith those gro;ing excrescences, m y be e sily concei9ed? but the ; nt of be uty nd proportion is not the ;orst effect of these ne; m nsions< they re built so slight, ;ith the soft crumbling stone found in this neighbourhood, th t + sh ll ne9er sleep >uietly in one of them, ;hen it blo;ed E s the s ilors s yF c p=full of ;ind< nd, + m persu ded, th t my hind, 1oger Ailli ms, or ny m n of e>u l strength, ;ould be ble to push his foot through the strongest p rt of their ; lls, ;ithout ny gre t exertion of his muscles7 !ll these bsurdities rise from the gener l tide of luxury, ;hich h th o9erspre d the n tion, nd s;ept ; y ll, e9en the 9ery dregs of the people7 E9ery upst rt of fortune, h rnessed in the tr ppings of the mode, presents himself t 5 th, s in the 9ery focus of obser9 tion == Clerks nd f ctors from the E st +ndies, lo ded ;ith the spoil of plundered pro9inces< pl nters, negro=dri9ers, nd hucksters from our !meric n pl nt tions, enriched they kno; not ho;< gents, commiss ries, nd contr ctors, ;ho h 9e f ttened, in t;o successi9e ; rs, on the blood of the n tion< usurers, brokers, nd jobbers of e9ery kind< men of lo; birth, nd no breeding, h 9e found themsel9es suddenly tr nsl ted into st te of ffluence, unkno;n to former ges< nd no ;onder th t their br ins should be intoxic ted ;ith pride, 9 nity, nd presumption7 4no;ing no other criterion of gre tness, but the ostent tion of ;e lth, they disch rge their ffluence ;ithout t ste or conduct, through e9ery ch nnel of the most bsurd extr 9 g nce< nd ll of them hurry to 5 th, bec use here, ;ithout ny further >u lific tion, they c n mingle ;ith the princes nd nobles of the l nd7 E9en the ;i9es nd d ughters of lo; tr desmen, ;ho, like sho9el=nosed sh rks, prey upon the blubber of those uncouth ;h les of fortune, re infected ;ith the s me r ge of displ ying their import nce< nd the slightest indisposition ser9es them for pretext to insist upon being con9eyed to 5 th, ;here they m y hobble country=d nces nd cotillons mong lordlings, s>uires, counsellors, nd clergy7 These delic te cre tures from 5edfordbury, 5utcher=ro;, Crutched=friers, nd 5otolph=l ne, c nnot bre the in the gross ir of the 3o;er To;n, or conform to the 9ulg r rules of common lodging=house< the husb nd, therefore, must pro9ide n entire house, or eleg nt p rtments in the ne; buildings7 Such is the composition of ;h t is c lled the f shion ble comp ny t 5 th< ;here 9ery inconsider ble proportion of genteel people re lost in mob of impudent plebei ns, ;ho h 9e neither underst nding nor judgment, nor the

le st ide of propriety nd decorum< nd seem to enjoy nothing so much s n opportunity of insulting their betters7 Thus the number of people, nd the number of houses continue to incre se< nd this ;ill e9er be the c se, till the stre ms th t s;ell this irresistible torrent of folly nd extr 9 g nce, sh ll either be exh usted, or turned into other ch nnels, by incidents nd e9ents ;hich + do not pretend to foresee7 This, + o;n, is subject on ;hich + c nnot ;rite ;ith ny degree of p tience< for the mob is monster + ne9er could bide, either in its he d, t il, midriff, or members< + detest the ;hole of it, s m ss of ignor nce, presumption, m lice nd brut lity< nd, in this term of reprob tion, + include, ;ithout respect of r nk, st tion, or >u lity, ll those of both sexes, ;ho ffect its m nners, nd court its society7 5ut + h 9e ;ritten till my fingers re cr mpt, nd my n use begins to return == 5y your d9ice, + sent to 3ondon fe; d ys go for h lf pound of GengDeng< though + doubt much, ;hether th t ;hich comes from !meric is e>u lly effic cious ;ith ;h t is brought from the E st +ndies7 Some ye rs go friend of mine p id sixteen guine s for t;o ounces of it< nd, in six months fter, it ; s sold in the s me shop for fi9e shillings the pound7 +n short, ;e li9e in 9ile ;orld of fr ud nd sophistic tion< so th t + kno; nothing of e>u l 9 lue ;ith the genuine friendship of sensible m n< r re je;elG ;hich + c nnot help thinking myself in possession of, ;hile + repe t the old decl r tion, th t + m, s usu l, *e r 3e;is, 2our ffection te 07 51!053E, !fter h 9ing been git ted in short hurric ne, on my first rri9 l, + h 9e t ken sm ll house in 0ilsh m=street, ;here + m toler bly ;ell lodged, for fi9e guine s ;eek7 + ; s yesterd y t the Pump=room, nd dr nk bout pint of ; ter, ;hich seems to gree ;ith my stom ch< nd to=morro; morning + sh ll b the, for the first time< so th t in fe; posts you m y expect f rther trouble< me n ;hile, + m gl d to find th t the inocul tion h s succeeded so ;ell ;ith poor @oyce, nd th t her f ce ;ill be but little m rked7 +f my friend Sir Thom s ; s single m n, + ;ould not trust such h ndsome ;ench in his f mily< but s + h 9e recommended her, in p rticul r m nner, to the protection of l dy G==, ;ho is one of the best ;omen in the ;orld, she m y go thither ;ithout hesit tion s soon s she is >uite reco9ered nd fit for ser9ice == 3et her mother h 9e money to pro9ide her ;ith necess ries, nd she m y ride behind her brother on 5ucks< but you must l y strong injunctions on @ ck, to t ke p rticul r c re of the trusty old 9eter n, ;ho h s f ithfully e rned his present e se by his p st ser9ices7

To 0iss A+33+S t Gloucester7 5!TH, !pril "'7 02 *E!1EST C,0P!-+,-, The ple sure + recei9ed from yours, ;hich c me to h nd yesterd y, is not to be expressed7 3o9e nd friendship re, ;ithout doubt, ch rming p ssions< ;hich bsence ser9es only to heighten nd impro9e7 2our kind present of the g rnet br celets, + sh ll keep s c refully s + preser9e my o;n life< nd + beg you ;ill ccept, in return, my he rt=house;ife, ;ith the tortoise=shell memor ndum=book, s trifling pledge of my un lter ble ffection7 5 th is to me ne; ;orld == !ll is g yety, good=humour, nd di9ersion7 The eye is continu lly entert ined ;ith the splendour of dress nd e>uip ge< nd the e r ;ith the sound of co ches, ch irs, nd other c rri ges7 The merry bells ring round, from morn till night7 Then ;e re ;elcomed by the city=; its in our o;n lodgings< ;e h 9e music in the Pump=room e9ery morning, cotillons e9ery forenoon in the rooms, b lls t;ice ;eek, nd concerts e9ery other night, besides pri9 te ssemblies nd p rties ;ithout number == !s soon s ;e ;ere settled in lodgings, ;e ;ere 9isited by the 0 ster of the Ceremonies< pretty little gentlem n, so s;eet, so fine, so ci9il, nd polite, th t in our country he might p ss for the prince of A les< then he t lks so ch rmingly, both in 9erse nd prose, th t you ;ould be delighted to he r him discourse< for you must kno; he is gre t ;riter, nd h s got fi9e tr gedies re dy for the st ge7 He did us the f 9our to dine ;ith us, by my uncle's in9it tion< nd next d y s>uired my unt nd me to e9ery p rt of 5 th< ;hich, to be sure, is n e rthly p r dise7 The S>u re, the Circus, nd the P r des, put you in mind of the sumptuous p l ces represented in prints nd pictures< nd the ne; buildings, such s Princes=ro;, H rle>uin's=ro;, 5l dud's=ro;, nd t;enty other ro;s, look like so m ny ench nted c stles, r ised on h nging terr ces7 !t eight in the morning, ;e go in dish bille to the Pump=room ;hich is cro;ded like Aelsh f ir< nd there you see the highest >u lity, nd the lo;est tr des folks, jostling e ch other, ;ithout ceremony, h il=fello; ;ell=met7 The noise of the music pl ying in the g llery, the he t nd fl 9our of such cro;d, nd the hum nd buD of their con9ers tion, g 9e me the he d= ch nd 9ertigo the first d y< but, fter; rds, ll these things bec me f mili r, nd e9en gree ble7 == 1ight under the Pump=room ;indo;s is the 4ing's 5 th< huge cistern, ;here you see the p tients up to their necks in hot ; ter7 The l dies ;e r j ckets nd pettico ts of bro;n linen ;ith chip h ts, in ;hich they fix their h ndkerchiefs to ;ipe the s;e t from their f ces< but,

truly, ;hether it is o;ing to the ste m th t surrounds them, or the he t of the ; ter, or the n ture of the dress, or to ll these c uses together, they look so flushed, nd so frightful, th t + l; ys turn my eyes nother ; y == 0y unt, ;ho s ys e9ery person of f shion should m ke her ppe r nce in the b th, s ;ell s in the bbey church, contri9ed c p ;ith cherry=coloured ribbons to suit her complexion, nd obliged Ain to ttend her yesterd y morning in the ; ter7 5ut, re lly, her eyes ;ere so red, th t they m de mine ; ter s + 9ie;ed her from the Pump=room< nd s for poor Ain, ;ho ;ore h t trimmed ;ith blue, ;h t bet;ixt her ; n complexion nd her fe r, she looked like the ghost of some p le m iden, ;ho h d dro;ned herself for lo9e7 Ahen she c me out of the b th, she took ss foetid drops, nd ; s fluttered ll d y< so th t ;e could h rdly keep her from going into hysterics? but her mistress s ys it ;ill do her good< nd poor Ain curtsies, ;ith the te rs in her eyes7 .or my p rt, + content myself ;ith drinking bout h lf pint of the ; ter e9ery morning7 The pumper, ;ith his ;ife nd ser9 nt, ttend ;ithin b r< nd the gl sses, of different siDes, st nd r nged in order before them, so you h 9e nothing to do but to point t th t ;hich you choose, nd it is filled immedi tely, hot nd sp rkling from the pump7 +t is the only hot ; ter + could e9er drink, ;ithout being sick == . r from h 9ing th t effect, it is r ther gree ble to the t ste, gr teful to the stom ch, nd re9i9ing to the spirits7 2ou c nnot im gine ;h t ;onderful cures it performs == 0y uncle beg n ;ith it the other d y< but he m de ;ry f ces in drinking, nd +'m fr id he ;ill le 9e it off == The first d y ;e c me to 5 th, he fell into 9iolent p ssion< be t t;o bl ck= =moors, nd + ; s fr id he ;ould h 9e fought ;ith their m ster< but the str nger pro9ed pe ce ble m n7 To be sure, the gout h d got into his he d, s my unt obser9ed< but, + belie9e, his p ssion dro9e it ; y< for he h s been rem rk bly ;ell e9er since7 +t is thous nd pities he should e9er be troubled ;ith th t ugly distemper< for, ;hen he is free from p in, he is the best tempered m n upon e rth< so gentle, so generous, so ch rit ble, th t e9ery body lo9es him< nd so good to me, in p rticul r, th t + sh ll ne9er be ble to she; the deep sense + h 9e of his tenderness nd ffection7 H rd by the Pump=room, is coffee=house for the l dies< but my unt s ys, young girls re not dmitted, insomuch s the con9ers tion turns upon politics, sc nd l, philosophy, nd other subjects bo9e our c p city< but ;e re llo;ed to ccomp ny them to the booksellers' shops, ;hich re ch rming pl ces of resort< ;here ;e re d no9els, pl ys, p mphlets, nd ne;sp pers, for so sm ll subscription s cro;n >u rter< nd in these offices of intelligence E s my brother c lls themF ll the reports of the d y, nd ll the pri9 te tr ns ctions of the 5 th, re first entered nd discussed7 .rom the bookseller's shop, ;e m ke tour

through the milliners nd toymen< nd commonly stop t 0r Gill's, the p stry=cook, to t ke jelly, t rt, or sm ll b son of 9ermicelli7 There is, moreo9er, nother pl ce of entert inment on the other side of the ; ter, opposite to the Gro9e, to ;hich the comp ny cross o9er in bo t == +t is c lled Spring=g rden< s;eet retre t, l id out in ; lks nd ponds, nd p rterres of flo;ers< nd there is long=room for bre kf sting nd d ncing7 !s the situ tion is lo; nd d mp, nd the se son h s been rem rk bly ;et, my uncle ;on't suffer me to go thither, lest + should c tch cold? but my unt s ys it is ll 9ulg r prejudice< nd, to be sure, gre t m ny gentlemen nd l dies of +rel nd fre>uent the pl ce, ;ithout seeming to be the ;orse for it7 They s y, d ncing t Spring=g rdens, ;hen the ir is moist, is recommended to them s n excellent cure for the rheum tism7 + h 9e been t;ice t the pl y< ;here, not;ithst nding the excellence of the performers, the g yety of the comp ny, nd the decor tions of the the tre, ;hich re 9ery fine, + could not help reflecting, ;ith sigh, upon our poor homely represent tions t Gloucester == 5ut this, in confidence to my de r Aillis == 2ou kno; my he rt, nd ;ill excuse its ;e kness7 !fter ll, the gre t scenes of entert inment t 5 th, re the t;o public rooms< ;here the comp ny meet ltern tely e9ery e9ening7 They re sp cious, lofty, nd, ;hen lighted up, ppe r 9ery striking7 They re gener lly cro;ded ;ith ;ell=dressed people, ;ho drink te in sep r te p rties, pl y t c rds, ; lk, or sit nd ch t together, just s they re disposed7 T;ice =;eek there is b ll< the expence of ;hich is defr yed by 9olunt ry subscription mong the gentlemen< nd e9ery subscriber h s three tickets7 + ; s there .rid y l st ;ith my unt, under the c re of my brother, ;ho is subscriber< nd Sir /lic 0 ckilligut recommended his nephe;, c pt in , *on gh n, to me s p rtner< but @ery excused himself, by s ying + h d got the he d= ch< nd, indeed, it ; s re lly so, though + c n't im gine ho; he kne; it7 The pl ce ; s so hot, nd the smell so different from ;h t ;e re used to in the country, th t + ; s >uite fe9erish ;hen ;e c me ; y7 !unt s ys it is the effect of 9ulg r constitution, re red mong ;oods nd mount ins< nd, th t s + become ccustomed to genteel comp ny, it ;ill ;e r off7 == Sir /lic ; s 9ery compl is nt, m de her gre t m ny high=flo;n compliments< nd, ;hen ;e retired, h nded her ;ith gre t ceremony to her ch ir7 The c pt in, + belie9e, ;ould h 9e done me the s me f 9our< but my brother seeing him d9 nce, took me under his rm, nd ;ished him good night7 The C pt in is pretty m n, to be sure< t ll nd str it, nd ;ell m de< ;ith light=grey eyes, nd 1om n nose< but there is cert in boldness in his look nd m nner, th t puts one out of counten nce == 5ut + m fr id + h 9e put you out of ll p tience ;ith this long unconnected scr ;l< ;hich + sh ll therefore conclude, ;ith ssuring you, th t neither 5 th, nor 3ondon, nor ll the di9ersions of life, sh ll e9er be ble to eff ce the ide of my de r 3etty, from the he rt of her e9er

ffection te 32*+! 0E3.,1*

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7 *E!1 0,332 @,-ES, He 9ing got fr nk, + no; return your fe9er, ;hich + recei9ed by 0r Higgins, t the Hot Aell, together ;ith the stockings, ;hich his ;ife footed for me< but no; they re of no sur9ice7 -o body ;e rs such things in this pl ce == , 0ollyG you th t li9e in the country h 9e no deception of our doings t 5 th7 Here is such dressing, nd fidling, nd d ncing, nd g dding, nd courting nd plotting == , gr ciousG if God h d not gi9en me good stock of discretion, ;h t po;er of things might not + re9e l, cons rning old mistress nd young mistress< @e;s ;ith be rds th t ;ere no @e;s< but h ndsome Christi ns, ;ithout h ir upon their sin, strolling ;ith spect cles, to get speech of 0iss 3iddy7 5ut she's de r s;eet soul, s innocent s the child unborn7 She h s tould me ll her in; rd thoughts, nd disclosed her p ssion for 0r Ailson< nd th t's not his n me neither< nd thof he cted mong the pl yer=men, he is me t for their m sters< nd she h s gi'en me her y llo; trollope < ;hich 0rs *r b, the m ntym ker, s ys ;ill look 9ery ;ell ;hen it is sco;red nd smo ked ;ith silfur == 2ou kno;s s ho;, y llo; fitts my fiDDogmony7 God he kno;s ;h t h 9ock + sh ll m ke mong the m il sex, ;hen + m ke my first ppe r nce in this killing coll r, ;ith full soot of g De, s good s ne;, th t + bought l st .rid y of m d m .ripone u, the .rench mull ner == *e r girl, + h 9e seen ll the fine she;s of 5 th< the Pr des, the S>uires, nd the Circlis, the Cr shit, the Hottogon, nd 5loody 5uildings, nd H rry 4ing's ro;< nd + h 9e been t;ice in the 5 th ;ith mistress, nd n 'r smo k upon our b cks, hussy7 The first time + ; s mort lly fr id, nd flustered ll d y< nd fter; rds m de belie9e th t + h d got the heddick< but mistress s id, if + didn't go + should t ke dose of bumt ffy< nd so remembering ho; it ;orked 0rs G;yllim pennorth, + chose r ther to go g in ;ith her into the 5 th, nd then + met ;ith n xident7 + dropt my pettico t, nd could not get it up from the bottom7==5ut ;h t did th t signify< they mought l ff but they could see nothing< for + ; s up to the sin in ; ter7 To be sure, it thre; me into such gumbustion, th t + kno; not ;h t + s id, nor ;h t + did, nor ho; they got me out, nd r pt me in bl nket == 0rs T bith scoulded little ;hen ;e got home< but she kno;s s + kno; ;h t's ;h t !h 3 ud help youG == There is Sir 2ury 0icligut, of 5 ln clinch, in the cunty of 4 llo; y == + took do;n the n me from his gentlem n, 0r # .riDDle, nd he h s got n est te of fifteen hundred ye r == + m sure he is both rich nd generous==5ut you nose, 0olly, + ; s l; ys

f mous for keeping secrets< nd so he ; s 9ery s fe in trusting me ;ith his flegm for mistress< ;hich, to be sure is 9ery honour ble< for 0r # .riDDle ssures me, he 9 lues not her portion br ss 9 rthing == !nd, indeed, ;h t's poor ten thous nd pounds to 5 ron 4night of his fortuneC nd, truly, + told 0r # .riDDle th t ; s ll she h d trust to == !s for @ohn Thom s, he's mor ss fellor == + 9o;, + thought he ;ould fit ;ith 0r # .riDDle, bec use he xed me to d nce ;ith him t Spring G rden == 5ut God he kno;s + h 9e no thoughts eyther of ; n or t'other7 !s for house ne;s, the ;orst is, Cho;der h s f llen off gre tly from his stomick == He c ts nothing but ;hite me ts, nd not much of th t< nd ;heeDes, nd seems to be much blo ted7 The doctors think he is thre tened ;ith dropsy == P rson 0 rrof t, ;ho h s got the s me disorder, finds gre t benefit from the ; ters< but Cho;der seems to like them no better th n the s>uire< nd mistress s ys, if his c se don't t ke f 9our ble turn, she ;ill s rtinly c rry him to !berg 'ny, to drink go t's ;hey == To be sure, the poor de r honymil is lost for ; nt of xercise< for ;hich re son, she intends to gi9e him n iring once =d y upon the *o;ns, in post=ch ise == + h 9e lre dy m de 9ery credit ble connexions in this here pl ce< ;here, to be sure, ;e h 9e the 9ery s>uint sense of s tiety == 0rs P tcher, my l dy 4ilm cullock's ;om n, nd + re s;orn sisters7 She h s she;n me ll her secrets, nd le rned me to ; sh g De, nd refr sh rusty silks nd bumbeseens, by boiling them ;ith ;ineg r, ch mberlye, nd st le beer7 0y short s ck nd pron luck s good s ne; from the shop, nd my pumpydoor s fresh s rose, by the help of turtle=; ter == 5ut this is ll Greek nd 3 tten to you, 0olly == +f ;e should come to !berg 'ny, you'll be ;ithin d y's ride of us< nd then ;e sh ll see ; n nother, ple se God == +f not, remember me in your pr yers, s + sh ll do by you in mine< nd t ke c re of my kitten, nd gi9e my kind s r9ice to S ll< nd this is ll t present, from your belo9ed friend nd s r9ent, A7 @E-4+-S 5!TH, !pril "'7 To 0rs GA233+0, house=keeper t 5r mbleton=h ll7 + m stonished th t *r 3e;is should t ke upon him to gi9e ; y !lderney, ;ithout my pri9ity nd concurr nts == Ah t signifies my brother's orderC 0y brother is little better th n -oncompush7 He ;ould gi9e ; y the shirt off his b ck, nd the teeth out of his he d< n y, s for th t m tter< he ;ould h 9e ruin ted the f mily ;ith his ridiculous ch rities, if it h d not been for my four >u rters == Ah t bet;een his ;illfullness nd his ; ste, his trumps, nd his frenDy, + le d the life of n indented sl 9e7 !lderney g 9e four g llons =d y, e9er since the c lf ; s sent to m rket7 There is so much milk out of my d iry, nd the press must

st nd still? but + ;on't loose cheese p iring< nd the milk sh ll be m de good, if the s r9ents should go ;ithout butter7 +f they must needs h 9e butter, let them m ke it of sheep's milk< but then my ;ool ;ill suffer for ; nt of gr ce< so th t + must be loser on ll sides7 Aell, p tience is like stout Aelsh poney< it be rs gre t de l, nd trots gre t ; y< but it ;ill tire t the long run7 5efore its long, perh ps + m y she; 0 tt, th t + ; s not born to be the household drudge to my dying d y == G;yn rites from Crickho;el, th t the price of fl nnel is f llen three= f rthings n ell< nd th t's nother good penny out of my pocket7 Ahen + go to m rket to sell, my commodity stinks< but ;hen + ; nt to buy the commonest thing, the o;ner pricks it up under my nose< nd it c n't be h d for lo9e nor money == + think e9erything runs cross t 5r mbleton=h ll == 2ou s y the g nder h s broke the eggs< ;hich is phinumenon + don't underst nd? for ;hen the fox c rried off the old goose l st ye r, he took her pl ce, nd h tched the eggs, nd p rtected the goslings like tender p rent == Then you tell me the thunder h s soured t;o b rrels of beer in the seller7 5ut ho; the thunder should get there, ;hen the seller ; s double=locked, + c n't comprehend7 Ho;some9er, + ;on't h 9e the beer thro;n out, till + see it ;ith my o;n eyes7 Perh ps, it ;ill reco9er == !t le st it ;ill ser9e for 9ineg r to the ser9 nts7 == 2ou m y le 9e off the fires in my brother's ch mber nd mine, s it is uns rt in ;hen ;e return7 == + hope, G;yllim, you'll t ke c re there is no ; ste< nd h 9e n eye to the m ids, nd keep them to their spinning7 + think they m y go 9ery ;ell ;ithout beer in hot ;e ther == it ser9es only to infl me the blood, nd set them =gog fter the men7 A ter ;ill m ke them f ir nd keep them cool nd t mperit7 *on't forget to put up in the portm ntel, th t cums ;ith Ailli ms, long ;ith my riding=h bit, h t, nd fe ther, the 9iol of purl ; ter, nd the tincktur for my stom ch< being s ho; + m much troubled ;ith flutterencies7 This is ll t present, from 2ours, T!5+TH! 51!053E 5!TH, !pril "'7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *+C4, + h 9e done ;ith the ; ters< therefore your d9ice comes d y too l te + gr nt th t physic is no mystery of your m king7 + kno; it is mystery in its o;n n ture< nd, like other mysteries, re>uires strong gulp of f ith to m ke it go do;n == T;o d ys go, + ;ent into the 4ing's 5 th, by the d9ice of our friend Ch==, in order to cle r the str iner of the skin, for the benefit of free perspir tion< nd the first object th t s luted my eye,

; s child full of scrophulous ulcers, c rried in the rms of one of the guides, under the 9ery noses of the b thers7 + ; s so shocked t the sight, th t + retired immedi tely ;ith indign tion nd disgust == Suppose the m tter of those ulcers, flo ting on the ; ter, comes in cont ct ;ith my skin, ;hen the pores re ll open, + ;ould sk you ;h t must be the conse>uenceC == Good He 9en, the 9ery thought m kes my blood run coldG ;e kno; not ;h t sores m y be running into the ; ter ;hile ;e re b thing, nd ;h t sort of m tter ;e m y thus imbibe< the king's=e9il, the scur9y, the c ncer, nd the pox< nd, no doubt, the he t ;ill render the 9irus the more 9ol tile nd penetr ting7 To purify myself from ll such cont min tion, + ;ent to the duke of 4ingston's pri9 te 5 th, nd there + ; s lmost suffoc ted for ; nt of free ir< the pl ce ; s so sm ll, nd the ste m so stifling7 !fter ll, if the intention is no more th n to ; sh the skin, + m con9inced th t simple element is more effectu l th n ny ; ter impregn ted ;ith s lt nd iron< ;hich, being stringent, ;ill cert inly contr ct the pores, nd le 9e kind of crust upon the surf ce of the body7 5ut + m no; s much fr id of drinking, s of b thing< for, fter long con9ers tion ;ith the *octor, bout the construction of the pump nd the cistern, it is 9ery f r from being cle r ;ith me, th t the p tients in the Pump=room don't s; llo; the scourings of the b thers7 + c n't help suspecting, th t there is, or m y be, some regurgit tion from the b th into the cistern of the pump7 +n th t c se, ;h t delic te be9eridge is e9ery d y >u ffed by the drinkers< medic ted ;ith the s;e t nd dirt, nd d ndriff< nd the bomin ble disch rges of 9 rious kinds, from t;enty different dise sed bodies, p rboiling in the kettle belo;7 +n order to 9oid this filthy composition, + h d recourse to the spring th t supplies the pri9 te b ths on the !bbey=green< but + t once percei9ed something extr ordin ry in the t ste nd smell< nd, upon in>uiry, + find th t the 1om n b ths in this >u rter, ;ere found co9ered by n old burying ground, belonging to the !bbey< through ;hich, in ll prob bility, the ; ter dr ins in its p ss ge< so th t s ;e drink the decoction of li9ing bodies t the Pump=room, ;e s; llo; the str inings of rotten bones nd c rc sses t the pri9 te b th7 + 9o; to God, the 9ery ide turns my stom chG *etermined, s + m, g inst ny f rther use of the 5 th ; ters, this consider tion ;ould gi9e me little disturb nce, if + could find ny thing more pure, or less pernicious, to >uench my thirst< but, lthough the n tur l springs of excellent ; ter re seen gushing spont neous on e9ery side, from the hills th t surround us, the inh bit nts, in gener l, m ke use of ;ell=; ter, so impregn ted ;ith nitre, or lum, or some other 9ill inous miner l, th t it is e>u lly ungr teful to the t ste, nd mischie9ous to the constitution7 +t must be o;ned, indeed, th t here, in 0ilsh m=street, ;e h 9e prec rious nd sc nty supply from the hill< ;hich is collected in n open b son in the Circus, li ble to be defiled ;ith de d dogs,

c ts, r ts, nd e9ery species of n stiness, ;hich the r sc lly popul ce m y thro; into it, from mere ; ntonness nd brut lity7 Aell, there is no n tion th t drinks so hoggishly s the English7 Ah t p sses for ;ine mong us, is not the juice of the gr pe7 +t is n dulterous mixture, bre;ed up of n useous ingredients, by dunces, ;ho re bunglers in the rt of poison=m king< nd yet ;e, nd our foref thers, re nd h 9e been poisoned by this cursed drench, ;ithout t ste or fl 9our == The only genuine nd ;holesome be9eridge in Engl nd, is 3ondon porter, nd *orchester t ble=beer< but s for your le nd your gin, your cyder nd your perry, nd ll the tr shy f mily of m de ;ines, + detest them s infern l compositions, contri9ed for the destruction of the hum n species == 5ut ;h t h 9e + to do ;ith the hum n speciesC except 9ery fe; friends, + c re not if the ;hole ; s ==7 He rk ye, 3e;is, my mis nthropy incre ses e9ery d y == The longer + li9e, + find the folly nd the fr ud of m nkind gro; more nd more intoler ble == + ;ish + h d not come from 5r mbletonh ll< fter h 9ing li9ed in solitude so long, + c nnot be r the hurry nd impertinence of the multitude< besides, e9ery thing is sophistic ted in these cro;ded pl ces7 Sn res re l id for our li9es in e9ery thing ;e c t or drink? the 9ery ir ;e bre the, is lo ded ;ith cont gion7 Ae c nnot e9en sleep, ;ithout ris>ue of infection7 + s y, infection == This pl ce is the rendeD9ous of the dise sed == 2ou ;on't deny, th t m ny dise ses re infectious< e9en the consumption itself, is highly infectious7 Ahen person dies of it in +t ly, the bed nd bedding re destroyed< the other furniture is exposed to the ;e ther nd the p rtment ;hite=; shed, before it is occupied by ny other li9ing soul7 2ou'll llo;, th t nothing recei9es infection sooner, or ret ins it longer, th n bl nkets, fe ther=beds, nd m tr sses == 'Sde thG ho; do + kno; ;h t miser ble objects h 9e been ste;ing in the bed ;here + no; lieG == + ;onder, *ick, you did not put me in mind of sending for my o;n m tr sses == 5ut, if + h d not been n ss, + should not h 9e needed remembr ncer == There is l; ys some pl guy reflection th t rises up in judgment g inst me, nd ruffles my spirits == Therefore, let us ch nge the subject7 + h 9e other re sons for bridging my st y t 5 th == 2ou kno; sister T bby's complexion == +f 0rs T bith 5r mble h d been of ny other r ce, + should cert inly h 9e considered her s the most ==7 5ut, the truth is, she h s found me ns to interest my ffection< or, r ther, she is beholden to the force of prejudice, commonly c lled the ties of blood7 Aell, this mi ble m iden h s ctu lly commenced flirting correspondence ;ith n +rish b ronet of sixty=fi9e7 His n me is Sir /lic 0 ckilligut7 He is s id to be much out t elbo;s< nd, + belie9e, h s recei9ed f lse intelligence ;ith respect to her fortune7 5e th t s it m y, the connexion is exceedingly ridiculous, nd begins lre dy to excite ;hispers7 .or my p rt, + h 9e no intention to dispute her free= gency<

though + sh ll f ll upon some expedient to undecei9e her p r mour, s to the point ;hich he h s princip lly in 9ie;7 5ut + don't think her conduct is proper ex mple for 3iddy, ;ho h s lso ttr cted the notice of some coxcombs in the 1ooms< nd @ery tells me, he suspects str pping fello;, the knight's nephe;, of some design upon the girl's he rt7 + sh ll, therefore, keep strict eye o9er her unt nd her, nd e9en shift the scene, if + find the m tter gro; more serious == 2ou percei9e ;h t n gree ble t sk it must be, to m n of my kidney, to h 9e the cure of such souls s these7 == 5ut, hold, 2ou sh ll not h 9e nother pee9ish ;ord Etill the next occ sionF from 2ours, 0!TT7 51!053E 5!TH, !pril "I7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 4-+GHT, + think those people re unre son ble, ;ho compl in th t 5 th is contr cted circle, in ;hich the s me dull scenes perpetu lly re9ol9e, ;ithout 9 ri tion == + m, on the contr ry, m Ded to find so sm ll pl ce so cro;ded ;ith entert inment nd 9 riety7 3ondon itself c n h rdly exhibit one species of di9ersion, to ;hich ;e h 9e not something n logous t 5 th, o9er nd bo9e those singul r d9 nt ges th t re peculi r to the pl ce7 Here, for ex mple, m n h s d ily opportunities of seeing the most rem rk ble ch r cters of the community7 He sees them in their n tur l ttitudes nd true colours< descended from their pedest ls, nd di9ested of their form l dr peries, undisguised by rt nd ffect tion == Here ;e h 9e ministers of st te, judges, gener ls, bishops, projectors, philosophers, ;its, poets, pl yers, chemists, fiddlers, nd buffoons7 +f he m kes ny consider ble st y in the pl ce, he is sure of meeting ;ith some p rticul r friend, ;hom he did not expect to see< nd to me there is nothing more gree ble th n such c su l reencounters7 !nother entert inment, peculi r to 5 th, rises from the gener l mixture of ll degrees ssembled in our public rooms, ;ithout distinction of r nk or fortune7 This is ;h t my uncle reprob tes, s monstrous jumble of heterogeneous principles< 9ile mob of noise nd impertinence, ;ithout decency or subordin tion7 5ut this ch os is to me source of infinite musement7 + ; s extremely di9erted l st b ll=night to see the 0 ster of the Ceremonies le ding, ;ith gre t solemnity, to the upper end of the room, n nti>u ted !big il, dressed in her l dy's c st=clothes< ;hom he E+ supposeF mistook for some countess just rri9ed t the 5 th7 The b ll ; s opened by Scotch lord, ;ith mul tto

heiress from St Christopher's< nd the g y colonel Tinsel d nced ll the e9ening ;ith the d ughter of n eminent tinm n from the borough of South; rk7 2esterd y morning, t the Pump=room, + s ; broken=;inded A pping l ndl dy s>ueeDe through circle of peers, to s lute her br ndy=merch nt, ;ho stood by the ;indo;, propped upon crutches< nd p r lytic ttorney of Shoe=l ne, in shuffling up to the b r, kicked the shins of the ch ncellor of Engl nd, ;hile his lordship, in cut bob, dr nk gl ss of ; ter t the pump7 + c nnot ccount for my being ple sed ;ith these incidents, ny other ; y, th n by s ying they re truly ridiculous in their o;n n ture, nd ser9e to heighten the humour in the f rce of life, ;hich + m determined to enjoy s long s + c n7 Those follies, th t mo9e my uncle's spleen, excite my l ughter7 He is s tender s m n ;ithout skin< ;ho c nnot be r the slightest touch ;ithout flinching7 Ah t tickles nother ;ould gi9e him torment< nd yet he h s ;h t ;e m y c ll lucid inter9 ls, ;hen he is rem rk bly f cetious == +ndeed, + ne9er kne; hypochondri c so pt to be infected ;ith good=humour7 He is the most risible mis nthrope + e9er met ;ith7 ! lucky joke, or ny ludicrous incident, ;ill set him =l ughing immoder tely, e9en in one of his most gloomy p roxysms< nd, ;hen the l ugh is o9er, he ;ill curse his o;n imbecility7 +n con9ersing ;ith str ngers, he betr ys no m rks of dis>uiet == He is splenetic ;ith his f mili rs only< nd not e9en ;ith them, ;hile they keep his ttention employed< but ;hen his spirits re not exerted extern lly, they seem to recoil nd prey upon himself == He h s renounced the ; ters ;ith execr tion< but he begins to find more effic cious, nd, cert inly, much more p l t ble remedy in the ple sures of society7 He h s disco9ered some old friends, mong the in9 lids of 5 th< nd, in p rticul r, rene;ed his c>u int nce ;ith the celebr ted @ mes Juin, ;ho cert inly did not come here to drink ; ter7 2ou c nnot doubt, but th t + h d the strongest curiosity to kno; this origin l< nd it ; s gr tified by 0r 5r mble, ;ho h s h d him t;ice t our house to dinner7 So f r s + m ble to judge, Juin's ch r cter is r ther more respect ble th n it h s been gener lly represented7 His bon mots re in e9ery ;itling's mouth< but m ny of them h 9e r nk fl 9our, ;hich one ;ould be pt to think ; s deri9ed from n tur l grossness of ide 7 + suspect, ho;e9er, th t justice h s not been done the uthor, by the collectors of those Juini n < ;ho h 9e let the best of them slip through their fingers, nd only ret ined such s ;ere suited to the t ste nd org ns of the multitude7 Ho; f r he m y rel x in his hours of jollity, + c nnot pretend to s y< but his gener l con9ers tion is conducted by the nicest rules of Propriety< nd 0r @ mes Juin is, cert inly, one of the best bred men in the kingdom7 He is not only most gree ble comp nion but E s + m credibly informedF 9ery honest m n< highly susceptible of friendship, ; rm, ste dy, nd e9en

generous in his tt chments, disd ining fl ttery, nd inc p ble of me nness nd dissimul tion7 Aere + to judge, ho;e9er, from Juin's eye lone, + should t ke him to be proud, insolent, nd cruel7 There is something rem rk bly se9ere nd forbidding in his spect< nd, + h 9e been told, he ; s e9er disposed to insult his inferiors nd depend nts7 == Perh ps th t report h s influenced my opinion of his looks == 2ou kno; ;e re the fools of prejudice7 Ho;soe9er th t m y be, + h 9e s yet seen nothing but his f 9our ble side, nd my uncle, ;ho fre>uently confers ;ith him, in corner, decl res he is one of the most sensible men he e9er kne; == He seems to h 9e reciproc l reg rd for old S>u retoes, ;hom he c lls by the f mili r n me of 0 tthe;, nd often reminds of their old t 9ern= d9entures? on the other h nd, 0 tthe;'s eyes sp rkle ;hene9er Juin m kes his ppe r nce == 3et him be ne9er so j rring nd discord nt, Juin puts him in tune< nd, like treble nd b ss in the s me concert, they m ke excellent music together ==7 T'other d y, the con9ers tion turning upon Sh kespe re, + could not help s ying, ;ith some emotion, th t + ;ould gi9e n hundred guine s to see 0r Juin ct the p rt of . lst ff< upon ;hich, turning to me ;ith smile, '!nd + ;ould gi9e thous nd, young gentlem n Es id heF th t + could gr tify your longing7' 0y uncle nd he re perfectly greed in their estim te of life< ;hich Juin s ys, ;ould stink in his nostrils, if he did not steep it in cl ret7 + ; nt to see this phenomenon in his cups< nd h 9e lmost pre9 iled upon uncle to gi9e him sm ll turtle t the 5e r7 +n the me n time, + must entert in you ;ith n incident, th t seems to confirm the judgment of those t;o cynic philosophers7 + took the liberty to differ in opinion from 0r 5r mble, ;hen he obser9ed, th t the mixture of people in the entert inments of this pl ce ; s destructi9e of ll order nd urb nity< th t it rendered the plebei ns insuffer bly rrog nt nd troublesome, nd 9ulg riDed the deportment nd sentiments of those ;ho mo9ed in the upper spheres of life7 He s id such preposterous co lition ;ould bring us into contempt ;ith ll our neighbours< nd ; s ;orse, in f ct, th n deb sing the gold coin of the n tion7 + rgued, on the contr ry, th t those plebei ns ;ho disco9ered such e gerness to imit te the dress nd e>uip ge of their superiors, ;ould like;ise, in time, dopt their m xims nd their m nners, be polished by their con9ers tion, nd refined by their ex mple< but ;hen + ppe led to 0r Juin, nd sked if he did not think th t such n unreser9ed mixture ;ould impro9e the ;hole m ssC '2es Es id heF s pl te of m rm l de ;ould impro9e p n of sirre9erence7' + o;ned + ; s not much con9ers nt in high=life, but + h d seen ;h t ;ere c lled polite ssemblies in 3ondon nd else;here< th t those of 5 th seemed to be s decent s ny< nd th t, upon the ;hole, the indi9idu ls th t composed it, ;ould not be found deficient in good m nners nd decorum7 '5ut let us h 9e recourse

to experience Es id +F == @ ck Holder, ;ho ; s intended for p rson, h s succeeded to n est te of t;o thous nd ye r, by the de th of his elder brother7 He is no; t the 5 th, dri9ing bout in ph eton nd four, ;ith .rench horns7 He h s tre ted ;ith turtle nd cl ret t ll the t 9erns in 5 th nd 5ristol, till his guests re gorged ;ith good che r? he h s bought doDen suits of fine clothes, by the d9ice of the 0 ster of the Ceremonies, under ;hose tuition he h s entered himself7 He h s lost hundreds t billi rds to sh rpers, nd t ken one of the nymphs of !9on=street into keeping< but, finding ll these ch nnels insufficient to dr in him of his current c sh, his counsellor h s eng ged him to gi9e gener l te =drinking to=morro; t Ailtshire's room7 +n order to gi9e it the more ecl t, e9ery t ble is to be furnished ;ith s;eet=me ts nd noseg ys< ;hich, ho;e9er, re not to be touched till notice is gi9en by the ringing of bell, nd then the l dies m y help themsel9es ;ithout restriction7 This ;ill be no b d ; y of trying the comp ny's breeding7' '+ ;ill bide by th t experiment Ecried my uncleF nd if + could find pl ce to st nd secure, ;ithout the 9ortex of the tumult, ;hich + kno; ;ill ensue, + ;ould cert inly go thither nd enjoy the scene7' Juin proposed th t ;e should t ke our st tion in the music=g llery, nd ;e took his d9ice7 Holder h d got thither before us, ;ith his horns perdue, but ;e ;ere dmitted7 The te =drinking p ssed s usu l, nd the comp ny h 9ing risen from the t bles, ;ere s untering in groupes, in expect tion of the sign l for tt ck, ;hen the bell beginning to ring, they fle; ;ith e gerness to the dessert, nd the ;hole pl ce ; s inst ntly in commotion7 There ; s nothing but justling, scr mbling, pulling, sn tching, struggling, scolding, nd scre ming7 The noseg ys ;ere torn from one nother's h nds nd bosoms< the gl sses nd chin ;ent to ;reck< the t bles nd floors ;ere stre;ed ;ith comfits7 Some cried< some s;ore< nd the tropes nd figures of 5illingsg te ;ere used ;ithout reser9e in ll their n ti9e Dest nd fl 9our< nor ;ere those flo;ers of rhetoric un ttended ;ith signific nt gesticul tion7 Some sn pped their fingers< some forked them out< some cl pped their h nds, nd some their b ck=sides< t length, they f irly proceeded to pulling c ps, nd e9ery thing seemed to pres ge gener l b ttle< ;hen Holder ordered his horns to sound ch rge, ;ith 9ie; to nim te the comb t nts, nd infl me the contest< but this m noeu9re produced n effect >uite contr ry to ;h t he expected7 +t ; s note of repro ch th t roused them to n immedi te sense of their disgr ceful situ tion7 They ;ere sh med of their bsurd deportment, nd suddenly desisted7 They g thered up their c ps, ruffles, nd h ndkerchiefs< nd gre t p rt of them retired in silent mortific tion7 Juin l ughed t this d9enture< but my uncle's delic cy ; s hurt7 He hung his he d in m nifest ch grin, nd seemed to repine t the

triumph of his judgment == +ndeed, his 9ictory ; s more complete th n he im gined< for, s ;e fter; rds le rned, the t;o m Dons ;ho singul riDed themsel9es most in the ction, did not come from the purlieus of Puddle=dock, but from the courtly neighbourhood of St @ mes's p l ce7 ,ne ; s b roness, nd the other, ;e lthy knight's do; ger == 0y uncle spoke not ;ord, till ;e h d m de our retre t good to the coffee=house< ;here, t king off his h t nd ;iping his forehe d, '+ bless God Es id heF th t 0rs T bith 5r mble did not t ke the field tod yG' '+ ;ould pit her for cool hundred Ecried JuinF g inst the best sh ke=b g of the ;hole m in7' The truth is, nothing could h 9e kept her t home but the ccident of her h 9ing t ken physic before she kne; the n ture of the entert inment7 She h s been for some d ys furbishing up n old suit of bl ck 9el9et, to m ke her ppe r nce s Sir /lic's p rtner t the next b ll7 + h 9e much to s y of this mi ble kins;om n< but she h s not been properly introduced to your c>u int nce7 She is rem rk bly ci9il to 0r Juin< of ;hose s rc stic humour she seems to st nd in ;e< but her c ution is no m tch for her impertinence7 '0r G;ynn Es id she the other d yF + ; s once 9 stly entert ined ;ith your pl ying the Ghost of Gimlet t *rury=l ne, ;hen you rose up through the st ge, ;ith ;hite f ce nd red eyes, nd spoke of >u ils upon the frightful porcofine == *o, pr y, spout little the Ghost of Gimlet7' '0 d m Es id Juin, ;ith gl nce of ineff ble disd inF the Ghost of Gimlet is l id, ne9er to rise g in' == +nsensible of this check, she proceeded? 'Aell, to be sure, you looked nd t lked so like re l ghost< nd then the cock cro;ed so n tur l7 + ;onder ho; you could te ch him to cro; so ex ct, in the 9ery nick of time< but, + suppose, he's g me == !n't he g me, 0r G;ynnC' '*unghill, m d m7' == 'Aell, dunghill, or not dunghill, he h s got such cle r counter=tenor, th t + ;ish + h d such nother t 5r mbleton=h ll, to ; ke the m ids of morning7 *o you kno; ;here + could find one of his broodC' 'Prob bly in the ;ork=house t St Giles's p rish, m d m< but + protest + kno; not his p rticul r me;G' 0y uncle, frying ;ith 9ex tion, cried, 'Good God, sister, ho; you t lkG + h 9e told you t;enty times, th t this gentlem n's n me is not G;ynn7' == 'Hoity toity, brother mine Eshe repliedF no offence, + hope == G;ynn is n honor ble n me, of true old 5ritish extr ction == + thought the gentlem n h d been come of 0rs Helen G;ynn, ;ho ; s of his o;n profession< nd if so be th t ;ere the c se, he might be of king Ch rles's breed, nd h 9e roy l blood in his 9eins7' == '-o, m d m E ns;ered Juin, ;ith gre t solemnityF my mother ; s not ;hore of such distinction == True it is, + m sometimes tempted to belie9e myself of roy l descent< for my inclin tions re often rbitr ry == +f + ; s n bsolute prince, t this inst nt, + belie9e + should send for the he d of your cook in ch rger == She h s committed felony, on the person of th t @ohn *ory, ;hich is m ngled in cruel m nner, nd e9en presented ;ithout s uce == , tempor G , moresG'

This good=humoured s lly turned the con9ers tion into less dis gree ble ch nnel == 5ut, lest you should think my scribble s tedious s 0rs T bby's cl ck, + sh ll not dd nother ;ord, but th t + m s usu l 2ours, @7 0E3.,1* 5!TH, !pril :#7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 3EA+S, + recei9ed your bill upon Ailtshire, ;hich ; s punctu lly honoured< but s + don't choose to keep so much c sh by me, in common lodging house, + h 9e deposited "L#l7 in the b nk of 5 th, nd sh ll t ke their bills for it in 3ondon, ;hen + le 9e this pl ce, ;here the se son dr ;s to n end == 2ou must kno;, th t no; being =foot, + m resol9ed to gi9e 3iddy glimpse of 3ondon7 She is one of the best he rted cre tures + e9er kne;, nd g ins upon my ffection e9ery d y == !s for T bby, + h 9e dropt such hints to the +rish b ronet, concerning her fortune, s, + m ke no doubt, ;ill cool the rdour of his ddresses7 Then her pride ;ill t ke the l rm< nd the r ncour of st le m idenhood being ch fed, ;e sh ll he r nothing but sl nder nd buse of Sir /lic 0 ckilligut == This rupture, + foresee, ;ill f cilit te our dep rture from 5 th< ;here, t present, T bby seems to enjoy herself ;ith peculi r s tisf ction7 .or my p rt, + detest it so much, th t + should not h 9e been ble to st y so long in the pl ce if + h d not disco9ered some old friends< ;hose con9ers tion lle9i tes my disgust == Going to the coffeehouse one forenoon, + could not help contempl ting the comp ny, ;ith e>u l surpriDe nd comp ssion == Ae consisted of thirteen indi9idu ls< se9en l med by the gout, rheum tism, or p lsy< three m imed by ccident< nd the rest either de f or blind7 ,ne hobbled, nother hopped, third dr gged his legs fter him like ;ounded sn ke, fourth str ddled bet;ixt p ir of long crutches, like the mummy of felon h nging in ch ins< fifth ; s bent into horiDont l position, like mounted telescope, sho9ed in by couple of ch irmen< nd sixth ; s the bust of m n, set upright in ;heel m chine, ;hich the ; iter mo9ed from pl ce to pl ce7 5eing struck ;ith some of their f ces, + consulted the subscription=book< nd, percei9ing the n mes of se9er l old friends, beg n to consider the groupe ;ith more ttention7 !t length + disco9ered re r= dmir l 5 lderick, the comp nion of my youth, ;hom + h d not seen since he ; s ppointed lieuten nt of the Se9ern7 He ; s met morphosed into n old m n, ;ith ;ooden

leg nd ;e therbe ten f ce, ;hich ppe red the more ncient from his grey locks, th t ;ere truly 9ener ble == Sitting do;n t the t ble, ;here he ; s re ding ne;s=p per, + g Ded t him for some minutes, ;ith mixture of ple sure nd regret, ;hich m de my he rt gush ;ith tenderness< then, t king him by the h nd, '!h, S m Es id +F forty ye rs go + little thought' == + ; s too much mo9ed to proceed7 '!n old friend, sure enoughG Ecried he, s>ueeDing my h nd, nd sur9eying me e gerly through his gl ssesF + kno; the looming of the 9essel, though she h s been h rd str ined since ;e p rted< but + c n't he 9e up the n me' == The moment + told him ;ho + ; s, he excl imed, 'H G 0 tt, my old fello; cruiDer, still flo tG' !nd, st rting up, hugged me in his rms7 His tr nsport, ho;e9er, boded me no good< for, in s luting me, he thrust the spring of his spect cles into my eye, nd, t the s me time, set his ;ooden stump upon my gouty toe< n tt ck th t m de me shed te rs in s d e rnest == !fter the hurry of our recognition ; s o9er, he pointed out t;o of our common friends in the room? the bust ; s ;h t rem ined of colonel Cockril, ;ho h d lost the use of his limbs in m king n !meric n c mp ign< nd the telescope pro9ed to be my college chum, sir 1egin ld 5ently< ;ho, ;ith his ne; title, nd unexpected inherit nce, commenced fox=hunter, ;ithout h 9ing ser9ed his pprenticeship to the mystery< nd, in conse>uence of follo;ing the hounds through ri9er, ; s seiDed ;ith n infl mm tion of his bo;els, ;hich h s contr cted him into his present ttitude7 ,ur former correspondence ; s forth;ith rene;ed, ;ith the most he rty expressions of mutu l good=;ill, nd s ;e h d met so unexpectedly, ;e greed to dine together th t 9ery d y t the t 9ern7 0y friend Juin, being luckily uneng ged, obliged us ;ith his comp ny< nd, truly, this the most h ppy d y + h 9e p ssed these t;enty ye rs7 2ou nd +, 3e;is, h 9ing been l; ys together, ne9er t sted friendship in this high gout, contr cted from long bsence7 + c nnot express the h lf of ;h t + felt t this c su l meeting of three or four comp nions, ;ho h d been so long sep r ted, nd so roughly tre ted by the storms of life7 +t ; s reno9 tion of youth< kind of resuscit tion of the de d, th t re liDed those interesting dre ms, in ;hich ;e sometimes retrie9e our ncient friends from the gr 9e7 Perh ps my enjoyment ; s not the less ple sing for being mixed ;ith str in of mel ncholy, produced by the remembr nce of p st scenes, th t conjured up the ide s of some ende ring connexions, ;hich the h nd of *e th h s ctu lly dissol9ed7 The spirits nd good humour of the comp ny seemed to triumph o9er the ;reck of their constitutions7 They h d e9en philosophy enough to joke upon their o;n c l mities< such is the po;er of friendship, the so9ereign cordi l of life == + fter; rds found, ho;e9er, th t they ;ere not ;ithout their moments, nd e9en hours of dis>uiet7 E ch of them p rt, in succeeding conferences, exp ti ted upon his o;n p rticul r grie9 nces< nd they ;ere ll

m lcontents t bottom == ,9er nd bo9e their person l dis sters, they thought themsel9es unfortun te in the lottery of life7 5 lderick compl ined, th t ll the recompence he h d recei9ed for his long nd h rd ser9ice, ; s the h lf=p y of re r= dmir l7 The colonel ; s mortified to see himself o9er=topped by upst rt gener ls, some of ;hom he h d once comm nded< nd, being m n of liber l turn, could ill put up ;ith moder te nnuity, for ;hich he h d sold his commission7 !s for the b ronet, h 9ing run himself consider bly in debt, on contested election, he h s been obliged to relin>uish his se t in p rli ment, nd his se t in the country t the s me time, nd put his est te to nurse< but his ch grin, ;hich is the effect of his o;n misconduct, does not ffect me h lf so much s th t of the other t;o, ;ho h 9e cted honour ble nd distinguished p rts on the gre t the tre, nd re no; reduced to le d ;e ry life in this ste;=p n of idleness nd insignific nce7 They h 9e long left off using the ; ters, fter h 9ing experienced their ineffic cy7 The di9ersions of the pl ce they re not in condition to enjoy7 Ho; then do they m ke shift to p ss their timeC +n the forenoon they cr ;l out to the 1ooms or the coffeehouse, ;here they t ke h nd t ;hist, or desc nt upon the Gener l !d9ertiser< nd their e9enings they murder in pri9 te p rties, mong pee9ish in9 lids, nd insipid old ;omen == This is the c se ;ith good number of indi9idu ls, ;hom n ture seems to h 9e intended for better purposes7 !bout doDen ye rs go, m ny decent f milies, restricted to sm ll fortunes, besides those th t c me hither on the score of he lth, ;ere tempted to settle t 5 th, ;here they could then li9e comfort bly, nd e9en m ke genteel ppe r nce, t sm ll expence? but the m dness of the times h s m de the pl ce too hot for them, nd they re no; obliged to think of other migr tions == Some h 9e lre dy fled to the mount ins of A les, nd others h 9e retired to Exeter7 Thither, no doubt, they ;ill be follo;ed by the flood of luxury nd extr 9 g nce, ;hich ;ill dri9e them from pl ce to pl ce to the 9ery 3 nd's End< nd there, + suppose, they ;ill be obliged to ship themsel9es to some other country7 5 th is become mere sink of proflig cy nd extortion7 E9ery rticle of house=keeping is r ised to n enormous price< circumst nce no longer to be ;ondered t, ;hen ;e kno; th t e9ery petty ret iner of fortune pi>ues himself upon keeping t ble, nd thinks it is for the honour of his ch r cter to ;ink t the kn 9ery of his ser9 nts, ;ho re in confeder cy ;ith the m rket=people< nd, of conse>uence, p y ;h te9er they dem nd7 Here is no; mushroom of opulence, ;ho p ys cook se9enty guine s ;eek for furnishing him ;ith one me l d y7 This portentous frenDy is become so cont gious, th t the 9ery r bble nd refuse of m nkind re infected7 + h 9e kno;n negro=dri9er, from @ m ic , p y o9er=night, to the m ster of one of the rooms, sixty=fi9e guine s for te nd coffee to the comp ny, nd le 9e 5 th next morning, in such obscurity, th t not one of his guests h d the slightest ide of his person, or e9en m de the le st in>uiry bout his

n me7 +ncidents of this kind re fre>uent< nd e9ery d y teems ;ith fresh bsurdities, ;hich re too gross to m ke thinking m n merry7 == 5ut + feel the spleen creeping on me p ce< nd therefore ;ill indulge you ;ith cess tion, th t you m y h 9e no unnecess ry c use to curse your correspondence ;ith, *e r *ick, 2ours e9er, 0!T7 51!053E 5!TH, 0 y L7

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7 02 *E!1 3ETT2, + ;rote you t gre t length by the post, the t;enty=sixth of l st month, to ;hich + refer you for n ccount of our proceedings t 5 th< nd + expect your ns;er ;ith imp tience7 5ut, h 9ing this opportunity of pri9 te h nd, + send you t;o doDen of 5 th rings< six of the best of ;hich + desire you ;ill keep for yourself, nd distribute the rest mong the young l dies, our common friends, s you sh ll think proper == + don't kno; ho; you ;ill ppro9e of the mottoes< some of them re not much to my o;n liking< but + ; s obliged to t ke such s + could find re dy m nuf ctured == + m 9exed, th t neither you nor + h 9e recei9ed ny further inform tion of cert in person == Sure it c nnot be ;ilful neglectG == , my de r AillisG + begin to be 9isited by str nge f ncies, nd to h 9e some mel ncholy doubts< ;hich, ho;e9er, it ;ould be ungenerous to h rbour ;ithout further in>uiry == 0y uncle, ;ho h s m de me present of 9ery fine set of g rnets, t lks of tre ting us ;ith j unt to 3ondon< ;hich, you m y im gine, ;ill be highly gree ble< but + like 5 th so ;ell, th t + hope he ;on't think of le 9ing it till the se son is >uite o9er< nd yet, bet;ixt friends, something h s h ppened to my unt, ;hich ;ill prob bly shorten our st y in this pl ce7 2esterd y, in the forenoon, she ;ent by herself to bre kf sting in one of the rooms< nd, in h lf n hour, returned in gre t git tion, h 9ing Cho;der long ;ith her in the ch ir7 + belie9e some ccident must h 9e h ppened to th t unlucky nim l, ;hich is the gre t source of ll her troubles7 *e r 3ettyG ;h t pity it is, th t ;om n of her ye rs nd discretion, should pl ce her ffection upon such n ugly, ill=conditioned cur, th t sn rls nd sn ps t e9ery body7 + sked @ohn Thom s, the footm n ;ho ttended her, ;h t ; s the m tterC nd he did nothing but grin7 ! f mous dog=doctor ; s sent for, nd undertook to cure the p tient, pro9ided he might c rry him home to his o;n house< but

his mistress ;ould not p rt ;ith him out of her o;n sight == She ordered the cook to ; rm cloths, ;hich she pplied to his bo;els, ;ith her o;n h nd7 She g 9e up ll thoughts of going to the b ll in the e9ening< nd ;hen Sir /lic c me to drink te , refused to be seen< so th t he ;ent ; y to look for nother p rtner7 0y brother @ery ;histles nd d nces7 0y uncle sometimes shrugs up his shoulders, nd sometimes bursts out =l ughing7 0y unt sobs nd scolds by turns< nd her ;om n, Ain7 @enkins, st res nd ;onders ;ith foolish f ce of curiosity< nd, for my p rt, + m s curious s she, but sh med to sk >uestions7 Perh ps time ;ill disco9er the mystery< for if it ; s ny thing th t h ppened in the 1ooms, it c nnot be long conce led == !ll + kno; is, th t l st night t supper, miss 5r mble spoke 9ery disd infully of Sir /lic 0 ckilligut, nd sked her brother if he intended to keep us s;eltering ll the summer t 5 thC '-o, sister T bith Es id he, ;ith n rch smileF ;e sh ll retre t before the *og=d ys begin< though + m ke no doubt, th t ;ith little temper nce nd discretion, our constitutions might be kept cool enough ll the ye r, e9en t 5 th7' !s + don't kno; the me ning of this insinu tion, + ;on't pretend to m ke ny rem rks upon it t present? here fter, perh ps, + m y be ble to expl in it more to your s tisf ction == +n the me n time, + beg you ;ill be punctu l in your correspondence, nd continue to lo9e your e9er f ithful 32*+! 0E3.,1* 5!TH, 0 y '7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 So then 0rs 5l ckerby's ff ir h s pro9ed f lse l rm, nd + h 9e s 9ed my moneyC + ;ish, ho;e9er, her decl r tion h d not been so prem ture< for though my being thought c p ble of m king her mother, might h 9e gi9en me some credit, the reput tion of n intrigue ;ith such cr cked pitcher does me no honour t ll +n my l st + told you + h d hopes of seeing Juin, in his hours of ele9 tion t the t 9ern ;hich is the temple of mirth nd good fello;ship< ;here he, s priest of Comus, utters the inspir tions of ;it nd humour == + h 9e h d th t s tisf ction7 + h 9e dined ;ith his club t the Three Tuns, nd h d the honour to sit him out7 !t h lf n hour p st eight in the e9ening, he ; s c rried home ;ith six good bottles of cl ret under his belt< nd it being then .rid y, he g 9e orders th t he should not be disturbed till Sund y t noon == 2ou must not im gine th t this dose h d ny other effect upon his con9ers tion, but th t of m king it more extr 9 g ntly entert ining == He h d lost the use of his limbs, indeed, se9er l hours before ;e p rted, but he ret ined ll his other f culties in perfection< nd s he g 9e 9ent to e9ery

;himsic l ide s it rose, + ; s re lly stonished t the brilli ncy of his thoughts, nd the force of his expression7 Juin is re l 9oluptu ry in the rticles of e ting nd drinking< nd so confirmed n epicure, in the common ccept tion of the term, th t he c nnot put up ;ith ordin ry f re7 This is point of such import nce ;ith him, th t he l; ys t kes upon himself the ch rge of c tering< nd m n dmitted to his mess, is l; ys sure of e ting delic te 9ictu ls, nd drinking excellent ;ine == He o;ns himself ddicted to the delights of the stom ch, nd often jokes upon his o;n sensu lity< but there is nothing selfish in this ppetite == He finds th t good che r unites good comp ny, exhiler tes the spirits, opens the he rt, b nishes ll restr int from con9ers tion, nd promotes the h ppiest purposes of soci l life7 5ut 0r @ mes Juin is not subject to be discussed in the comp ss of one letter< + sh ll therefore, t present, le 9e him to his repose, nd c ll nother of 9ery different complexion7 2ou desire to h 9e further c>u int nce ;ith the person of our unt, nd promise yourself much entert inment from her connexion ;ith Sir /lic 0 ckilligut? but in this hope you re b ulked lre dy< th t connexion is dissol9ed7 The +rish b ronet is n old hound, th t, finding her c rrion, h s >uitted the scent == + h 9e lre dy told you, th t 0rs T bith 5r mble is m iden of forty=fi9e7 +n her person, she is t ll, r ;=boned, uk; rd, fl t=chested, nd stooping< her complexion is s llo; nd freckled< her eyes re not grey, but greenish, like those of c t, nd gener lly infl med< her h ir is of s ndy, or r ther dusty hue< her forehe d lo;< her nose long, sh rp, nd, to; rds the extremity, l; ys red in cool ;e ther< her lips skinny, her mouth extensi9e, her teeth str ggling nd loose, of 9 rious colours nd conform tion< nd her long neck shri9elled into thous nd ;rinkles == +n her temper, she is proud, stiff, 9 in, imperious, prying, m licious, greedy, nd unch rit ble7 +n ll likelihood, her n tur l usterity h s been soured by dis ppointment in lo9e< for her long celib cy is by no me ns o;ing to her dislike of m trimony? on the contr ry, she h s left no stone unturned to 9oid the repro chful epithet of old m id7 5efore + ; s born, she h d gone such lengths in the ; y of flirting ;ith recruiting officer, th t her reput tion ; s little singed7 She fter; rds m de d9 nces to the cur te of the p rish, ;ho dropped some dist nt hints bout the next present tion to the li9ing, ;hich ; s in her brother's gift< but finding th t ; s lre dy promised to nother, he fle; off t t ngent< nd 0rs T bby, in re9enge, found me ns to depri9e him of his cure7 Her next lo9er ; s lieuten nt of m n of ; r, rel tion of the f mily, ;ho did not underst nd the refinements of the p ssion, nd expressed no 9ersion to gr pple ;ith cousin T bby in the ; y of m rri ge< but before m tters could be properly djusted, he ;ent out on cruise, nd ; s killed in n eng gement ;ith .rench frig te7 ,ur unt, though b ffled so

often, did not yet desp ir7 She l yed ll her sn res for *r 3e;is, ;ho is the fidus !ch tes of my uncle7 She e9en fell sick upon the occ sion, nd pre9 iled ;ith 0 tt to interpose in her beh lf ;ith his friend< but the *octor, being shy cock, ;ould not be c ught ;ith ch ff, nd fl tly rejected the propos l? so th t 0rs T bith ; s content to exert her p tience once more, fter h 9ing ende 9oured in 9 in to effect rupture bet;ixt the t;o friends< nd no; she thinks proper to be 9ery ci9il to 3e;is, ;ho is become necess ry to her in the ; y of his profession7 These, ho;e9er, re not the only efforts she h s m de to; rds ne rer conjunction ;ith our sex7 Her fortune ; s origin lly no more th n thous nd pounds< but she g ined n ccession of fi9e hundred by the de th of sister, nd the lieuten nt left her three hundred in his ;ill7 These sums she h s more th n doubled, by li9ing free of ll expence, in her brother's house< nd de ling in cheese nd Aelsh fl nnel, the produce of his flocks nd d iry7 !t present her c pit l is incre sed to bout four thous nd pounds< nd her 9 rice seems to gro; e9ery d y more nd more r p cious? but e9en this is not so intoler ble s the per9erseness of her n ture, ;hich keeps the ;hole f mily in dis>uiet nd upro r7 She is one of those geniuses ;ho find some di bolic l enjoyment in being dre ded nd detested by their fello;=cre tures7 + once told my uncle, + ; s surprised th t m n of his disposition could be r such domestic pl gue, ;hen it could be so e sily remo9ed7 The rem rk m de him sore, bec use it seemed to t x him ;ith ; nt of resolution == Arinkling up his nose, nd dr ;ing do;n his eye=bro;s, '! young fello; Es id heF ;hen he first thrusts his snout into the ;orld, is pt to be surprised t m ny things ;hich m n of experience kno;s to be ordin ry nd un 9oid ble == This precious unt of yours is become insensibly p rt of my constitution == * mn herG She's noli me t ngere in my flesh, ;hich + c nnot be r to be touched or t mpered ;ith7' + m de no reply< but shifted the con9ers tion7 He re lly h s n ffection for this origin l< ;hich m int ins its ground in defi nce of common sense, nd in despite of th t contempt ;hich he must cert inly feel for her ch r cter nd underst nding7 - y, + m con9inced, th t she h s like;ise most 9irulent tt chment to his person< though her lo9e ne9er she;s itself but in the sh pe of discontent< nd she persists in tormenting him out of pure tenderness == The only object ;ithin doors upon ;hich she besto;s ny m rks of ffection, in the usu l stile, is her dog Cho;der< filthy cur from -e;foundl nd, ;hich she h d in present from the ;ife of skipper in S; nsey7 ,ne ;ould im gine she h d distinguished this be st ;ith her f 9our on ccount of his ugliness nd ill=n ture, if it ; s not, indeed, n instincti9e symp thy, bet;een his disposition nd her o;n7 Cert in it is, she c resses him ;ithout ce sing< nd e9en h r sses the f mily in the ser9ice of this cursed nim l, ;hich, indeed, h s pro9ed the

proxim te c use of her bre ch ;ith Sir /lic 0 ckilligut7 2ou must kno;, she yesterd y ; nted to ste l m rch of poor 3iddy, nd ;ent to bre kf st in the 1oom ;ithout ny other comp nion th n her dog, in expect tion of meeting ;ith the 5 ronet, ;ho h d greed to d nce ;ith her in the e9ening == Cho;der no sooner m de his ppe r nce in the 1oom, th n the 0 ster of the Ceremonies, incensed t his presumption, r n up to dri9e him ; y, nd thre tened him ;ith his foot< but the other seemed to despise his uthority, nd displ ying formid ble c se of long, ;hite, sh rp teeth, kept the puny mon rch t b y == Ahile he stood under some trepid tion, fronting his nt gonist, nd b ;ling to the ; iter, Sir /lic 0 ckilligut c me to his ssist nce< nd seeming ignor nt of the connexion bet;een this intruder nd his mistress, g 9e the former such kick in the j ;s, s sent him ho;ling to the door == 0rs T bith , incensed t this outr ge, r n fter him, s>u lling in tone e>u lly dis gree ble< ;hile the 5 ronet follo;ed her on one side, m king pologies for his mist ke< nd *errick on the other, m king remonstr nces upon the rules nd regul tions of the pl ce7 . r from being s tisfied ;ith the 4night's excuses, she s id she ; s sure he ; s no gentlem n< nd ;hen the 0 ster of the Ceremonies offered to h nd her into the ch ir, she r pped him o9er the knuckles ;ith her f n7 0y uncle's footm n being still t the door, she nd Cho;der got into the s me 9ehicle, nd ;ere c rried off midst the jokes of the ch irmen nd other popul ce == + h d been riding out on Clerkendo;n, nd h ppened to enter just s the fr c s ; s o9er == The 5 ronet, coming up to me ;ith n ffected ir of ch grin, recounted the d9enture< t ;hich + l ughed he rtily, nd then his counten nce cle red up7 '0y de r soul Es id heF ;hen + s ; sort of ;ild b ist, sn rling ;ith open mouth t the 0 ster of the Ceremonies, like the red co; going to de9our Tom Thumb, + could do no less th n go to the ssist nce of the little m n< but + ne9er dre mt the b ist ; s one of 0rs 5r mble's ttend nts == ,G if + h d, he might h 9e m de his bre kf st upon *errick nd ;elcome == 5ut you kno;, my de r friend, ho; n tur l it is for us +rishmen to blunder, nd to t ke the ;rong so; by the e r == Ho;e9er, + ;ill confess judgment, nd cry her mercy< nd it is to be hoped, penitent sinner m y be forgi9en7' + told him, th t s the offence ; s not 9olunt ry of his side, it ; s to be hoped he ;ould not find her impl c ble7 5ut, in truth, ll this concern ; s dissembled7 +n his ppro ches of g ll ntry to 0rs T bith , he h d been misled by mist ke of t le st six thous nd pounds, in the c lcul tion of her fortune< nd in this p rticul r he ; s just undecei9ed7 He, therefore, seiDed the first opportunity of incurring her disple sure decently, in such m nner s ;ould cert inly nnihil te the correspondence< nd he could not h 9e t ken more effectu l method, th n th t of be ting her dog7 Ahen he presented himself

t our door, to p y his respects to the offended f ir, he ; s refused dmitt nce, nd gi9en to underst nd th t he should ne9er find her t home for the future7 She ; s not so in ccessible to *errick, ;ho c me to dem nd s tisf ction for the insult she h d offered to him, e9en in the 9erge of his o;n court7 She kne; it ; s con9enient to be ;ell ;ith the 0 ster of the Ceremonies, ;hile she continued to fre>uent the 1ooms< nd, h 9ing he rd he ; s poet, beg n to be fr id of m king her ppe r nce in b ll d or l mpoon7 == She therefore m de excuses for ;h t she h d done, imputing it to the flutter of her spirits< nd subscribed h ndsomely for his poems? so th t he ; s perfectly ppe sed, nd o9er;helmed her ;ith profusion of compliment7 He e9en solicited reconcili tion ;ith Cho;der< ;hich, ho;e9er, the l tter declined< nd he decl red, th t if he could find precedent in the nn ls of the 5 th, ;hich he ;ould c refully ex mine for th t purpose, her f 9ourite should be dmitted to the next public bre kf sting == 5ut, +, belie9e, she ;ill not expose herself or him to the ris>ue of second disgr ce == Aho ;ill supply the pl ce of 0 ckilligut in her ffections, + c nnot foresee< but nothing in the sh pe of m n c n come miss7 Though she is 9iolent church=;om n, of the most intoler nt De l, + belie9e in my conscience she ;ould h 9e no objection, t present, to tre t on the score of m trimony ;ith n !n b ptist, Ju ker, or @e;< nd e9en r tify the tre ty t the expense of her o;n con9ersion7 5ut, perh ps, + think too h rdly of this kins;om n< ;ho, + must o;n, is 9ery little beholden to the good opinion of 2ours, @7 0E3.,1* 5!TH, 0 y '7

To *r 3EA+S7 2ou sk me, ;hy + don't t ke the ir =horseb ck, during this fine ;e therC == +n ;hich of the 9enues of this p r dise ;ould you h 9e me t ke th t exerciseC Sh ll + commit myself to the high=ro ds of 3ondon or 5ristol, to be stifled ;ith dust, or pressed to de th in the midst of post=ch ises, flying=m chines, ; ggons, nd co l=horses< besides the troops of fine gentlemen th t t ke to the high; y, to she; their horsem nship< nd the co ches of fine l dies, ;ho go thither to she; their e>uip gesC Sh ll + ttempt the *o;ns, nd f tigue myself to de th in climbing up n etern l scent, ;ithout ny hopes of re ching the summitC 4no; then, + h 9e m de di9ers desper te le ps t those upper regions< but l; ys fell b ck; rd into this 9 pour=pit, exh usted nd dispirited by those ineffectu l efforts< nd here ;e poor 9 letudin ri ns p nt nd struggle, like so m ny Chinese gudgeons, g sping in the bottom of punch=bo;l7 5y He 9en it is kind of

ench ntmentG +f + do not speedily bre k the spell, nd esc pe, + m y ch nce to gi9e up the ghost in this n useous ste; of corruption == +t ; s but t;o nights go, th t + h d like to h 9e m de my public exit, t minute's ; rning7 ,ne of my gre test ;e knesses is th t of suffering myself to be o9er=ruled by the opinion of people, ;hose judgment + despise == + o;n, ;ith sh me nd confusion of f ce, th t importunity of ny kind + c nnot resist7 This ; nt of cour ge nd const ncy is n origin l fl ; in my n ture, ;hich you must h 9e often obser9ed ;ith comp ssion, if not ;ith contempt7 + m fr id some of our bo sted 9irtues m ybe tr ced up to this defect7 Aithout further pre mble, + ; s persu ded to go to b ll, on purpose to see 3iddy d nce minuet ;ith young petul nt j ck n pes, the only son of ;e lthy undert ker from 3ondon, ;hose mother lodges in our neighbourhood, nd h s contr cted n c>u int nce ;ith T bby7 + s t couple of long hours, h lf stifled, in the midst of noisome cro;d< nd could not help ;ondering th t so m ny hundreds of those th t r nk s r tion l cre tures, could find entert inment in seeing succession of insipid nim ls, describing the s me dull figure for ;hole e9ening, on n re , not much bigger th n t ylor's shop=bo rd7 +f there h d been ny be uty, gr ce, cti9ity, m gnificent dress, or 9 riety of ny kind ho;soe9er bsurd, to eng ge the ttention, nd muse the f ncy, + should not h 9e been surprised< but there ; s no such object? it ; s tiresome repetition of the s me l nguid, fri9olous scene, performed by ctors th t seemed to sleep in ll their motions7 The continu l s;imming of these ph ntoms before my eyes, g 9e me s;imming of the he d< ;hich ; s lso ffected by the fouled ir, circul ting through such number of rotten hum n bello;s7 + therefore retre ted to; rds the door, nd stood in the p ss ge to the next room, t lking to my friend Juin< ;hen n end being put to the minuets, the benches ;ere remo9ed to m ke ; y for the country=d nces< nd the multitude rising t once, the ;hole tmosphere ; s put in commotion7 Then, ll of sudden, c me rushing upon me n Egypti n g le, so impregn ted ;ith pestilenti l 9 pours, th t my ner9es ;ere o9erpo;ered, nd + dropt senseless upon the floor7 2ou m y e sily concei9e ;h t cl mour nd confusion this ccident must h 9e produced, in such n ssembly == + soon reco9ered, ho;e9er, nd found myself in n e sy ch ir, supported by my o;n people == Sister T bby, in her gre t tenderness, h d put me to the torture, s>ueeDing my h nd under her rm, nd stuffing my nose ;ith spirit of h rtshorn, till the ;hole inside ; s excori ted7 + no sooner got home, th n + sent for *octor Ch==, ;ho ssured me + needed not be l rmed, for my s;ooning ; s entirely occ sioned by n ccident l impression of fetid efflu9i upon ner9es of uncommon sensibility7 + kno; not ho; other people's ner9es re constructed< but one ;ould im gine they must be m de of 9ery co rse m teri ls, to st nd the shock of such

torrid ss ult7 +t ; s, indeed, compound of 9ill inous smells, in ;hich the most 9iolent stinks, nd the most po;erful perfumes, contended for the m stery7 +m gine to yourself high ex lted essence of mingled odours, rising from putrid gums, imposthum ted lungs, sour fl tulencies, r nk rmpits, s;e ting feet, running sores nd issues, pl sters, ointments, nd embroc tions, hung ry=; ter, spirit of l 9ender, ss foetid drops, musk, h rtshorn, nd s l 9ol tile< besides thous nd fro;Dy ste ms, ;hich + could not n lyse7 Such, , *ickG is the fr gr nt ether ;e bre the in the polite ssemblies of 5 th == Such is the tmosphere + h 9e exch nged for the pure, el stic, nim ting ir of the Aelsh mount ins == , 1us, >u ndo te spici mG= == + ;onder ;h t the de9il possessed me == 5ut fe; ;ords re best? + h 9e t ken my resolution == 2ou m y ;ell suppose + don't intend to entert in the comp ny ;ith second exhibition == + h 9e promised, in n e9il hour, to proceed to 3ondon, nd th t promise sh ll be performed, but my st y in the metropolis sh ll be brief7 + h 9e, for the benefit of my he lth, projected n expedition to the -orth, ;hich, + hope, ;ill fford some gree ble p stime7 + h 9e ne9er tr 9elled f rther th t ; y th n Sc rborough< nd, + think, it is repro ch upon me, s 5ritish freeholder, to h 9e li9ed so long ;ithout m king n excursion to the other side of the T;eed7 5esides, + h 9e some rel tions settled in 2orkshire, to ;hom it m y not be improper to introduce my nephe; nd his sister == !t present, + h 9e nothing to dd, but th t T bby is h ppily disent ngled from the +rish 5 ronet< nd th t + ;ill not f il to m ke you c>u inted, from time to time, ;ith the se>uel of our d9entures? m rk of consider tion, ;hich, perh ps, you ;ould ;illingly dispense ;ith in 2our humble ser9 nt, 07 51!053E 5!TH, 0 y I7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, ! fe; d ys go ;e ;ere terribly l rmed by my uncle's f inting t the b ll == He h s been e9er since cursing his o;n folly, for going thither t the re>uest of n impertinent ;om n7 He decl res, he ;ill sooner 9isit house infected ;ith the pl gue, th n trust himself in such n useous spit l for the future, for he s;e rs the ccident ; s occ sioned by the stench of the cro;d< nd th t he ;ould ne9er desire stronger proof of our being m de of 9ery gross m teri ls, th n our h 9ing ;ithstood the nnoy nce, by ;hich he ; s so much discomposed7 .or my p rt, + m 9ery th nkful

for the co rseness of my org ns, being in no d nger of e9er f lling s crifice to the delic cy of my nose7 0r 5r mble is extr 9 g ntly delic te in ll his sens tions, both of soul nd body7 + ; s informed by *r 3e;is, th t he once fought duel ;ith n officer of the horsegu rds, for turning side to the P rk=; ll, on necess ry occ sion, ;hen he ; s p ssing ;ith l dy under his protection7 His blood rises t e9ery inst nce of insolence nd cruelty, e9en ;here he himself is no ; y concerned< nd ingr titude m kes his teeth ch tter7 ,n the other h nd, the recit l of generous, hum ne, or gr teful ction, ne9er f ils to dr ; from him te rs of pprob tion, ;hich he is often gre tly distressed to conce l7 2esterd y, one P unceford g 9e te , on p rticul r in9it tion == This m n, fter h 9ing been long buffetted by d9ersity, ;ent bro d< nd .ortune, resol9ed to m ke him mends for her former coyness, set him ll t once up to the 9ery e rs in ffluence7 He h s no; emerged from obscurity, nd bl Des out in ll the tinsel of the times7 + don't find th t he is ch rged ;ith ny pr ctices th t the l ; deems dishonest, or th t his ;e lth h s m de him rrog nt nd in ccessible< on the contr ry, he t kes gre t p ins to ppe r ff ble nd gr cious7 5ut, they s y, he is rem rk ble for shrinking from his former friendships, ;hich ;ere gener lly too pl in nd home=spun to ppe r midst his present brilli nt connexions< nd th t he seems une sy t sight of some old benef ctors, ;hom m n of honour ;ould t ke ple sure to ckno;ledge == 5e th t s it m y, he h d so effectu lly eng ged the comp ny t 5 th, th t ;hen + ;ent ;ith my uncle to the coffeehouse in the e9ening, there ; s not soul in the room but one person, seemingly in ye rs, ;ho s t by the fire, re ding one of the p pers7 0r 5r mble, t king his st tion close by him, 'There is such cro;d nd confusion of ch irs in the p ss ge to Simpson's Es id heF th t ;e could h rdly get long == + ;ish those minions of fortune ;ould f ll upon more l ud ble ; ys of spending their money7 == + suppose, Sir, you like this kind of entert inment s little s + doC' '+ c nnot s y + h 9e ny gre t relish for such entert inments,' ns;ered the other, ;ithout t king his eyes off the p per == '0r Serle Eresumed my uncleF + beg p rdon for interrupting you< but + c n't resist the curiosity + h 9e to kno; if you recei9ed c rd on this occ sionC' The m n seemed surprised t this ddress, nd m de some p use, s doubtful ;h t ns;er he should m ke7 '+ kno; my curiosity is impertinent E dded my uncleF but + h 9e p rticul r re son for sking the f 9our7' '+f th t be the c se Ereplied 0r SerleF + sh ll gr tify you ;ithout hesit tion, by o;ning th t + h 9e h d no c rd7 5ut, gi9e me le 9e, Sir, to sk in my turn, ;h t re son you think + h 9e to expect such n in9it tion from the gentlem n ;ho gi9es te C' '+ h 9e my o;n re sons Ecried 0r 5r mble, ;ith some emotionF nd m con9inced, more th n e9er, th t this P unceford is contemptible fello;7' 'Sir Es id the other,

l ying do;n the p perF + h 9e not the honour to kno; you< but your discourse is little mysterious, nd seems to re>uire some expl n tion7 The person you re ple sed to tre t so c 9 lierly, is gentlem n of some conse>uence in the community< nd, for ught you kno;, + m y lso h 9e my p rticul r re sons for defending his ch r cter' == '+f + ; s not con9inced of the contr ry Eobser9ed the otherF + should not h 9e gone so f r' == '3et me tell you, Sir Es id the str nger, r ising his 9oiceF you h 9e gone too f r, in h D rding such reflections'7 Here he ; s interrupted by my uncle< ;ho sked pee9ishly if he ; s *on Juixote enough, t this time of d y, to thro; do;n his g untlet s ch mpion for m n ;ho h d tre ted him ;ith such ungr teful neglect7 '.or my p rt E dded heF + sh ll ne9er >u rrel ;ith you g in upon this subject< nd ;h t + h 9e s id no;, h s been suggested s much by my reg rd for you, s by my contempt of him' == 0r Serle, then pulling off his spect cles, eyed uncle 9ery e rnestly, s ying, in mitig ted tone, 'Surely + m much obliged == !h, 0r 5r mbleG + no; recollect your fe tures, though + h 9e not seen you these m ny ye rs7' 'Ae might h 9e been less str ngers to one nother E ns;ered the s>uireF if our correspondence h d not been interrupted, in conse>uence of misunderst nding, occ sioned by this 9ery ==, but no m tter == 0r Serle, + esteem your ch r cter< nd my friendship, such s it is, you m y freely comm nd7' 'The offer is too gree ble to be declined Es id heF< + embr ce it 9ery cordi lly< nd, s the first fruits of it, re>uest th t you ;ill ch nge this subject, ;hich, ;ith me, is m tter of peculi r delic cy7' 0y uncle o;ned he ; s in the right, nd the discourse took more gener l turn7 0r Serle p ssed the e9ening ;ith us t our lodgings< nd ppe red to be intelligent, nd e9en entert ining< but his disposition ; s r ther of mel ncholy hue7 0y uncle s ys he is m n of uncommon p rts, nd un>uestioned probity? th t his fortune, ;hich ; s origin lly sm ll, h s been gre tly hurt by rom ntic spirit of generosity, ;hich he h s often displ yed, e9en t the expence of his discretion, in f 9our of ;orthless indi9idu ls == Th t he h d rescued P unceford from the lo;est distress, ;hen he ; s b nkrupt, both in me ns nd reput tion == Th t he h d espoused his interests ;ith degree of enthusi sm, broke ;ith se9er l friends, nd e9en dr ;n his s;ord g inst my uncle, ;ho h d p rticul r re sons for >uestioning the mor l ch r cter of the s id P unceford? th t, ;ithout Serle's counten nce nd ssist nce, the other ne9er could h 9e embr ced the opportunity, ;hich h s r ised him to this pinn cle of ;e lth? th t P unceford, in the first tr nsports of his success, h d ;ritten, from bro d, letters to different correspondents, o;ning his oblig tions to 0r Serle, in the ; rmest terms of ckno;ledgement, nd decl red he considered himself only s f ctor for the occ sions of his best friend? th t, ;ithout doubt, he h d m de decl r tions of the s me n ture to his benef ctor

himself, though this l st ; s l; ys silent nd reser9ed on the subject< but for some ye rs, those tropes nd figures of rhetoric h d been disused< th t, upon his return to Engl nd, he h d been l 9ish in his c resses to 0r Serle, in9ited him to his house, nd pressed him to m ke it his o;n? th t he h d o9er;helmed him ;ith gener l professions, nd ffected to express the ; rmest reg rd for him, in comp ny of their common c>u int nce< so th t e9ery body belie9ed his gr titude ; s liber l s his fortune< nd some ;ent so f r s to congr tul te 0r Serle on both7 !ll this time P unceford c refully nd rtfully 9oided p rticul r discussions ;ith his old p tron, ;ho h d too much spirit to drop the most dist nt hint of b l ncing the ccount of oblig tion? th t, ne9ertheless, m n of his feelings could not but resent this shocking return for ll his kindness? nd, therefore, he ;ithdre; himself from the connexion, ;ithout coming to the le st expl n tion or spe king syll ble on the subject to ny li9ing soul< so th t no; their correspondence is reduced to slight s lute ;ith the h t, ;hen they ch nce to meet in ny public pl ce< n ccident th t r rely h ppens, for their ; lks lie different ; ys7 0r P unceford li9es in p l ce, feeds upon d inties, is rr yed in sumptuous pp rel, ppe rs in ll the pomp of e>uip ge, nd p sses his time mong the nobles of the l nd7 Serle lodges in St ll=street, up t;o p ir of st irs b ck; rds, ; lks =foot in 5 th=rug, e ts for t;el9e shillings =;eek, nd drinks ; ter s preser9 ti9e g inst the gout nd gr 9el == 0 rk the 9icissitude7 P unceford once resided in g rret< ;here he subsisted upon sheep's=trotters nd co;=heel, from ;hich commons he ; s tr nsl ted to the t ble of Serle, th t e9er bounded ;ith good=che r< until ; nt of economy nd retention reduced him to slender nnuity in his decline of ye rs, th t sc rce ffords the b re necess ries of life7 == P unceford, ho;e9er, does him the honour to spe k of him still, ;ith uncommon reg rd< nd to decl re ;h t ple sure it ;ould gi9e him to contribute in ny sh pe to his con9enience? '5ut you kno; Ehe ne9er f ils to ddF he's shy kind of m n == !nd then such perfect philosopher, th t he looks upon ll superfluities ;ith the most so9ereign contempt7 H 9ing gi9en you this sketch of s>uire P unceford, + need not m ke ny comment on his ch r cter, but le 9e it t the mercy of your o;n reflection< from ;hich + d re s y, it ;ill meet ;ith s little >u rter s it h s found ;ith 2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1* 5!TH, 0 y &#7

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7

*E!1 0,332, Ae re ll upon the 9ing == Hey for 3ondon, girlG == .ecksG ;e h 9e been long enough here< for ;e're ll turned tipsy tur9y == 0istress h s exc rded Sir /lic for kicking of Cho;der< nd + h 9e sent , .riDDle ; y, ;ith fle in his e r == +'9e she;n him ho; little + minded his tinsy nd his long t il == ! fellor, ;ho ;ould think for to go, for to offer, to t ke up ;ith dirty trollop under my nose == + ketched him in the 9ery feet, coming out of the housem ids g rret7 == 5ut + h 9e gi'en the dirty slut siser ry7 , 0ollyG the s r9 nts t 5 th re de9ils in g rnet7 They lite the c ndle t both ends == Here's nothing but ginketting, nd ; sting, nd thie9ing nd tricking, nd trigging< nd then they re ne9er content == They ;on't suffer the 's>uire nd mistress to st y ny longer< bec use they h 9e been lre dy bo9e three ;eeks in the house< nd they look for couple of ginneys =piece t our going ; y< nd this is p r>uisite they expect e9ery month in the se son< being s ho; no f mily h s right to st y longer th n four ;eeks in the s me lodgings< nd so the cuck s;e rs she ;ill pin the dish=clout to mistress's t il< nd the house=m id 9o;s, she'll put co;itch in m ster's bed, if so be he don't disc mp ;ithout furder do == + don't bl me them for m king the most of their m rket, in the ; y of 9 ils nd p r>uisites< nd + defy the de9il to s y + m t il=c rrier, or e9er brought poor s r9 nt into trouble == 5ut then they oft to h 9e some conscience, in 9ronging those th t be s r9 nts like themsel9es == .or you must no, 0olly, + missed three=>u rters of blond l ce, nd remn nt of muslin, nd my sil9er thimble< ;hich ; s the gift of true lo9e< they ;ere ll in my ;orkb sket, th t + left upon the t ble in the s r9 nts=h ll, ;hen mistresses bell rung< but if they h d been under lock nd k y, 't;ould h 9e been ll the s me< for there re double keys to ll the locks in 5 th< nd they s y s ho; the 9ery teeth n't s fe in your he d, if you sleep ;ith your mouth open == !nd so s ys + to myself, them things could not go ;ithout h nds< nd so +'ll ; tch their ; ters? nd so + did ;ith 9itness< for then it ; s + found 5ett cons rned ;ith , .riDDle7 !nd s the cuck h d thro;n her slush t me, bec use + h d t ken p rt ;ith Cho;der, ;hen he fit, ;ith the turnspit, + resol9ed to m ke cle r kitchen, nd thro; some of her f t into the fire7 + ketched the ch re=;om n going out ;ith her lo d in the morning, before she thought + ; s up, nd brought her to mistress ;ith her ;hole c rgo == 0 rry, ;h t do'st think she h d got in the n me of GodC Her buckets ;ere fo ming full of our best be r, nd her l p ; s stuffed ;ith cold tongue, p rt of buttock of beef, h lf turkey, nd s;inging lump of butter, nd the m tter of ten mould k ndles, th t h d sc rce e9er been lit7 The cuck br Dened it out, nd s id it ; s her rite to rumm ge the p ntry< nd she ; s re dy for to go before the m re? th t he h d been her pottic ry m ny ye rs, nd ;ould ne9er think of hurting poor s r9 nt, for gi9ing ; y the scr ps of the kitchen7 + ;ent nother ; y to ;ork ;ith m d m

5etty, bec use she h d been s ucy, nd c lled me sk ndelus n mes< nd s id , .riDDle couldn't bide me, nd t;enty other odorous f lsehoods7 + got 9 rr nt from the m re, nd her box being s rched by the const ble, my things c me out sure enuff< besides full pound of 9 x c ndles, nd nite=c p of mistress, th t + could s; re to on my cruper l o f == ,G then m d m 0opstick c me upon her merry bones< nd s the s>uire ;ouldn't h re of pursecution, she sc ped ske;ering? but the longest d y she h s to li9e, she'll remember your Humble s r9 nt, A7 @E-4+-S 5!TH, 0 y &L7 +f the hind should come g in, before ;e be gone, pr y send me the shift nd pron, ;ith the 9ite g llo; m nky shoes< ;hich you'll find in my pillo;ber == S r9ice to S ul == To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 2ou re in the right, de r Phillips< + don't expect regul r ns;ers to e9ery letter == + kno; college=life is too circumscribed to fford m teri ls for such >uick returns of communic tion7 .or my p rt, + m continu lly shifting the scene, nd surrounded ;ith ne; objects< some of ;hich re striking enough7 + sh ll therefore conclude my journ l for your musement< nd, though, in ll ppe r nce, it ;ill not tre t of 9ery import nt or interesting p rticul rs, it m y pro9e, perh ps, not ltogether uninstructi9e nd unentert ining7 The music nd entert inments of 5 th re o9er for this se son< nd ll our g y birds of p ss ge h 9e t ken their flight to 5ristol;ell, Tunbridge, 5righthelmstone, Sc rborough, H rro;g te, Bc7 -ot soul is seen in this pl ce, but fe; broken=;inded p rsons, ; ddling like so m ny cro;s long the -orth P r de7 There is l; ys gre t she; of the clergy t 5 th? none of your thin, puny, yello;, hectic figures, exh usted ;ith bstinence, nd h rdy study, l bouring under the morbi eruditorum, but gre t o9ergro;n dignit ries nd rectors, ;ith rubicund noses nd gouty ncles, or bro d blo ted f ces, dr gging long gre t s; g bellies< the emblems of sloth nd indigestion7 -o; ;e re upon the subject of p rsons, + must tell you ludicrous d9enture, ;hich ; s chie9ed the other d y by Tom E stg te, ;hom you m y remember on the found tion of Jueen's7 He h d been 9ery ssiduous to pin himself upon George Pr nkley, ;ho ; s gentlem n=commoner of Christchurch, kno;ing the s id Pr nkley ; s heir to consider ble est te, nd ;ould h 9e the d9o;son of good li9ing, the incumbent of ;hich ; s 9ery old nd infirm7 He studied his p ssions, nd fl ttered them so

effectu lly, s to become his comp nion nd counsellor< nd, t l st, obt ined of him promise of the present tion, ;hen the li9ing should f ll7 Pr nkley, on his uncle's de th, >uitted ,xford, nd m de his first ppe r nce in the f shion ble ;orld t 3ondon< from ;hence he c me l tely to 5 th, ;here he h s been exhibiting himself mong the bucks nd g mesters of the pl ce7 E stg te follo;ed him hither< but he should not h 9e >uitted him for moment, t his first emerging into life7 He ought to h 9e kno;n he ; s f nt stic, foolish, fickle fello;, ;ho ;ould forget his college= tt chments the moment they ce sed ppe ling to his senses7 Tom met ;ith cold reception from his old friend< nd ; s, moreo9er, informed, th t he h d promised the li9ing to nother m n, ;ho h d 9ote in the county, ;here he proposed to offer himself c ndid te t the next gener l election7 He no; remembered nothing of E stg te, but the freedoms he h d used to t ke ;ith him, ;hile Tom h d >uietly stood his butt, ;ith n eye to the benefice< nd those freedoms he beg n to repe t in common=pl ce s rc sms on his person nd his cloth, ;hich he uttered in the public coffeehouse, for the entert inment of the comp ny7 5ut he ; s egregiously mist ken in gi9ing his o;n ;it credit for th t t meness of E stg te, ;hich h d been entirely o;ing to prudenti l consider tions7 These being no; remo9ed, he retorted his rep rtee ;ith interest, nd found no gre t difficulty in turning the l ugh upon the ggressor< ;ho, losing his temper, c lled him n mes, nd sked, +f he kne; ;hom he t lked toC !fter much lterc tion, Pr nkley, sh king his c ne, bid him hold his tongue, other;ise he could dust his c ssock for him7 '+ h 9e no pretensions to such 9 let Es id TomF but if you should do me th t office, nd o9erhe t yourself, + h 9e here good o ken to;el t your ser9ice7' Pr nkley ; s e>u lly incensed nd confounded t this reply7 !fter moment's p use, he took him side to; rds die ;indo;< nd, pointing to the clump of firs, on Clerken=do;n, sked in ;hisper, if he h d spirit enough to meet him there, ;ith c se of pistols, t six o'clock tomorro; morning7 E stg te ns;ered in the ffirm ti9e< nd, ;ith ste dy counten nce, ssured him, he ;ould not f il to gi9e him the rendeD9ous t the hour he mentioned7 So s ying, he retired< nd the ch llenger st yed some time in m nifest git tion7 +n the morning, E stg te, ;ho kne; his m n, nd h d t ken his resolution, ;ent to Pr nkley's lodgings, nd roused him by fi9e o'clock7 The s>uire, in ll prob bility, cursed his punctu lity in his he rt, but he ffected to t lk big< nd h 9ing prep red his rtillery o9ernight, they crossed the ; ter t the end of the South P r de7 +n their progress up the hill, Pr nkley often eyed the p rson, in hopes of percei9ing some reluct nce in his counten nce< but s no such m rks ppe red, he ttempted to intimid te him by ;ord of mouth7 '+f these flints do their office Es id heF +'ll do thy business in fe; minutes7' '+ desire you

;ill do your best Ereplied the otherF< for my p rt, + come not here to trifle7 ,ur li9es re in the h nds of God< nd one of us lre dy totters on the brink of eternity' This rem rk seemed to m ke some impression upon the s>uire, ;ho ch nged counten nce, nd ;ith f ultering ccent obser9ed, 'Th t it ill bec me clergym n to be concerned in >u rrels nd bloodshed' == '2our insolence to me Es id E stg teF + should h 9e bore ;ith p tience, h d not you c st the most inf mous reflections upon my order, the honour of ;hich + think myself in duty bound to m int in, e9en t the expence of my he rt's blood< nd surely it c n be no crime to put out of the ;orld proflig te ;retch, ;ithout ny sense of principle, mor lity, or religion' == 'Thou m y'st t ke ; y my life Ecried Pr nkley, in gre t perturb tionF but don't go to murder my ch r cter7 Ah tG h s't got no conscienceC' '0y conscience is perfectly >uiet Ereplied the otherF< nd no;, Sir, ;e re upon the spot == T ke your ground s ne r s you ple se< prime your pistol< nd the 3ord, of his infinite mercy, h 9e comp ssion upon your miser ble soulG' This ej cul tion he pronounced in loud solemn tone, ;ith his h t off, nd his eyes lifted up< then dr ;ing l rge horse=pistol, he presented, nd put himself in posture of ction7 Pr nkley took his dist nce, nd ende 9oured to prime, but his h nd shook ;ith such 9iolence, th t he found this oper tion impr ctic ble == His nt gonist, seeing ho; it ; s ;ith him, offered his ssist nce, nd d9 nced for th t purpose< ;hen the poor s>uire, exceedingly l rmed t ;h t he h d he rd nd seen, desired the ction might be deferred till next d y, s he h d not settled his ff irs7 '+ h 'n't m de my ;ill Es id heF< my sisters re not pro9ided for< nd + just no; recollect n old promise, ;hich my conscience tells me + ought to perform == +'ll first con9ince thee, th t +'m not ;retch ;ithout principle, nd then thou sh lt h 9e n opportunity to t ke my life, ;hich thou seem'st to thirst fter so e gerly7' E stg te understood the hint< nd told him, th t one d y should bre k no s>u res? dding, 'God forbid th t + should be the me ns of hindering you from cting the p rt of n honest m n, nd dutiful brother' == 5y 9irtue of this cess tion, they returned pe ce bly together7 Pr nkley forth;ith m de out the present tion of the li9ing, nd deli9ered it to E stg te, telling him t the s me time, he h d no; settled his ff irs, nd ; s re dy to ttend him to the .ir=gro9e< but Tom decl red he could not think of lifting his h nd g inst the life of so gre t benef ctor == He did more? ;hen they next met t the coffeehouse, he sked p rdon of 0r Pr nkley, if in his p ssion he h d s id ny thing to gi9e him offence< nd the s>uire ; s so gr cious s to forgi9e him ;ith cordi l sh ke of the h nd, decl ring, th t he did not like to be t 9 ri nce ;ith n old college comp nion == -ext d y, ho;e9er, he left 5 th bruptly< nd then E stg te told me ll these p rticul rs, not little ple sed ;ith the effects of his

o;n s g city, by ;hich he h s secured li9ing ;orth &'#l7 per nnum7 ,f my uncle, + h 9e nothing t present to s y< but th t ;e set out tomorro; for 3ondon en f mille7 He nd the l dies, ;ith the m id nd Cho;der in co ch< + nd the m n=ser9 nt =horseb ck7 The p rticul rs of our journey you sh ll h 9e in my next, pro9ided no ccident h ppens to pre9ent, 2ours e9er, @7 0E3.,1* 5!TH 0 y &H7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *+C4, + sh ll to=morro; set out for 3ondon, ;here + h 9e bespoke lodgings, t 0rs -orton's in Golden=s>u re7 !lthough + m no dmirer of 5 th, + sh ll le 9e it ;ith regret< bec use + must p rt ;ith some old friends, ;hom, in ll prob bility, + sh ll ne9er see g in7 +n the course of coffeehouse con9ers tion, + h d often he rd 9ery extr ordin ry encomiums p ssed on the perform nces of 0r T==, gentlem n residing in this pl ce, ;ho p ints l ndsc pes for his musement7 !s + h 9e no gre t confidence in the t ste nd judgment of coffeehouse connoisseurs, nd ne9er recei9ed much ple sure from this br nch of the rt, those gener l pr ises m de no impression t ll on my curiosity< but, t the re>uest of p rticul r friend, + ;ent yesterd y to see the pieces, ;hich h d been so ; rmly commended == + must o;n + m no judge of p inting, though 9ery fond of pictures7 + don't im gine th t my senses ;ould pl y me so f lse, s to betr y me into dmir tion of ny thing th t ; s 9ery b d< but, true it is, + h 9e often o9erlooked c pit l be uties, in pieces of extr ordin ry merit7 == +f + m not tot lly de9oid of t ste, ho;e9er, this young gentlem n of 5 th is the best l ndsc pe=p inter no; li9ing? + ; s struck ;ith his perform nces in such m nner, s + h d ne9er been by p inting before7 His trees not only h 9e richness of foli ge nd ; rmth of colouring, ;hich delights the 9ie;< but lso cert in m gnificence in the disposition nd spirit in the expression, ;hich + c nnot describe7 His m n gement of the chi ro oscuro, or light nd sh do;, especi lly gle ms of sunshine, is ltogether ;onderful, both in the contri9 nce nd execution< nd he is so h ppy in his perspecti9e, nd m rking his dist nces t se , by progressi9e series of ships, 9essels, c pes, nd promontories, th t + could not help thinking, + h d dist nt 9ie; of thirty le gues upon the b ck=ground of the picture7 +f there is ny t ste for ingenuity left in degener te ge, f st sinking into b rb rism,

this rtist, + pprehend, ;ill m ke c pit l figure, s soon s his ;orks re kno;n7 T;o d ys go, + ; s f 9oured ;ith 9isit by 0r .itDo;en< ;ho, ;ith gre t form lity, solicited my 9ote nd interest t the gener l election7 + ought not to h 9e been shocked t the confidence of this m n< though it ; s rem rk ble, considering ;h t h d p ssed bet;een him nd me on former occ sion == These 9isits re mere m tter of form, ;hich c ndid te m kes to e9ery elector< e9en to those ;ho, he kno;s, re eng ged in the interest of his competitor, lest he should expose himself to the imput tion of pride, t time ;hen it is expected he should ppe r humble7 +ndeed, + kno; nothing so bject s the beh 9iour of m n c n9 ssing for se t in p rli ment == This me n prostr tion Eto borough=electors, especi llyF h s, + im gine, contributed in gre t me sure to r ise th t spirit of insolence mong the 9ulg r< ;hich, like the de9il, ;ill be found 9ery difficult to l y7 5e th t s it m y, + ; s in some confusion t the effrontery of .itDo;en< but + soon recollected myself, nd told him, + h d not yet determined for ;hom + should gi9e my 9ote, nor ;hether + should gi9e it for ny7 == The truth is, + look upon both c ndid tes in the s me light< nd should think myself tr itor to the constitution of my country, if + 9oted for either7 +f e9ery elector ;ould bring the s me consider tion home to his conscience, ;e should not h 9e such re son to excl im g inst the 9en lity of p==ts7 5ut ;e ll re p ck of 9en l nd corrupted r sc ls< so lost to ll sense of honesty, nd ll tenderness of ch r cter, th t, in little time, + m fully persu ded, nothing ;ill be inf mous but 9irtue nd public=spirit7 G7 H==, ;ho is re lly n enthusi st in p triotism, nd represented the c pit l in se9er l successi9e p rli ments, decl red to me t'other d y, ;ith the te rs in his eyes, th t he h d li9ed bo9e thirty ye rs in the city of 3ondon, nd de lt in the ; y of commerce ;ith ll the citiDens of note in their turns< but th t, s he should ns;er to God, he h d ne9er, in the ;hole course of his life, found bo9e three or four ;hom he could c ll thoroughly honest? decl r tion ;hich ; s r ther mortifying th n surprising to me< ;ho h 9e found so fe; men of ;orth in the course of my c>u int nce, th t they ser9e only s exceptions< ;hich, in the gr mm ri n's phr se, confirm nd pro9e gener l c non == + kno; you ;ill s y, G7 H== s ; imperfectly through the mist of prejudice, nd + m r nkled by the spleen == Perh ps, you re p rtly in the right< for + h 9e percei9ed th t my opinion of m nkind, like mercury in the thermometer, rises nd f lls ccording to the 9 ri tions of the ;e ther7 Pr y settle ccompts ;ith 5 rnes< t ke ;h t money of mine is in his h nds, nd gi9e him c>uitt nce7 +f you think * 9is h s stock or credit enough to do justice to the f rm, gi9e him disch rge for the rent th t is due, this ;ill nim te his industry< for +

kno; th t nothing is so discour ging to f rmer s the thoughts of being in rre rs ;ith his l ndlord7 He becomes dispirited, nd neglects his l bour< nd so the f rm goes to ;reck7 T bby h s been cl mouring for some d ys bout the l mb's skin, ;hich Ailli ms, the hind, begged of me, ;hen he ; s l st t 5 th7 Prithee t ke it b ck, p ying the fello; the full 9 lue of it, th t + m y h 9e some pe ce in my o;n house< nd let him keep his o;n counsel, if he me ns to keep his pl ce == ,G + sh ll ne9er presume to despise or censure ny poor m n, for suffering himself to be henpecked< conscious ho; + myself m obliged to truckle to domestic demon< e9en though Eblessed be GodF she is not yoked ;ith me for life, in the m trimoni l ; ggon == She h s >u rrelled ;ith the ser9 nts of the house bout 9 ils< nd such intoler ble scolding ensued on both sides, th t + h 9e been f in to ppe se the cook nd ch mberm id by ste lth7 C n't you find some poor gentlem n of A les, to t ke this precious commodity off the h nds of 2ours, 0!TT7 51!053E 5!TH, 0 y &M7

To *r 3EA+S7 *,CTE1 3EAS, Gi9e me le f to tell you, methinks you mought employ your t lons better, th n to encour ge ser9 nts to pill ge their m sters7 + find by G;yllim, th t 6illi ms h s got my skin< for ;hich he is n impotent r sc l7 He h s not only got my skin, but, moreo9er, my butter=milk to f tten his pigs< nd, + suppose, the next thing he gets, ;ill be my p d to c rry his d ughter to church nd f ir? 1oger gets this, nd 1oger gets th t< but +'d h 9e you to kno;, + ;on't be rogered t this r te by ny r gm tic l fello; in the kingdom == !nd + m surprised, docter 3e;s, you ;ould offer to put my ff irs in composition ;ith the refuge nd skim of the he rth7 + h 9e toiled nd moyled to good purpuss, for the d9 nt ge of 0 tt's f mily, if + c n't s fe s much o;l s ;ill m ke me n under pettico t7 !s for the butter=milk, ne'er pig in the p rish sh ll thrust his snout in it, ;ith my good=;ill7 There's f mous physici n t the Hot Aell, th t prescribes it to his p tience, ;hen the c se is consumpti9e< nd the Scots nd +rish h 9e begun to drink it lre dy, in such >u ntities, th t there is not drop left for the hogs in the ;hole neighbourhood of 5ristol7 +'ll h 9e our butter=milk b rrelled up, nd sent t;ice =;eek to !berginny, ;here it m y be sold for h lf=penny the >u rt< nd so 1oger m y c rry his pigs to nother m rket == + hope, *octer, you ;ill not go to put ny more such phims in my brother's he d, to the prejudice of my pock t< but r ther gi9e me

some r isins E;hich hitherto you h 9e not doneF to subscribe myself 2our humble ser9 nt, T!57 51!053E 5!TH, 0 y &M7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, Aithout ; iting for your ns;er to my l st, + proceed to gi9e you n ccount of our journey to 3ondon, ;hich h s not been ;holly b rren of d9enture7 Tuesd y l st the 's>uire took his pl ce in hired co ch nd four, ccomp nied by his sister nd mine, nd 0rs T bby's m id, Ainifrid @enkins, ;hose pro9ince it ; s to support Cho;der on cushion in her l p7 + could sc rce refr in from l ughing ;hen + looked into the 9ehicle, nd s ; th t nim l sitting opposite to my uncle, like ny other p ssenger7 The s>uire, sh med of his situ tion, blushed to the eyes? nd, c lling to the postilions to dri9e on, pulled the gl ss up in my f ce7 +, nd his ser9 nt, @ohn Thom s, ttended them on horseb ck7 -othing ;orth mentioning occurred, till ;e rri9ed on the edge of 0 rlborough *o;ns7 There one of the four horses fell, in going do;n hill t round trot< nd the postilion behind, ende 9ouring to stop the c rri ge, pulled it on one side into deep rut, ;here it ; s f irly o9erturned7 + h d rode on bout t;o hundred y rds before< but, he ring loud scre m, g lloped b ck nd dismounted, to gi9e ;h t ssist nce ; s in my po;er7 Ahen + looked into the co ch, + could see nothing distinctly, but the nether end of @enkins, ;ho ; s kicking her heels nd s>u lling ;ith gre t 9ocifer tion7 !ll of sudden, my uncle thrust up his b re p te, nd bolted through the ;indo;, s nimble s gr sshopper, h 9ing m de use of poor Ain's posteriors s step to rise in his scent == The m n E;ho h d like;ise >uitted his horseF dr gged this forlorn d msel, more de d th n li9e, through the s me opening7 Then 0r 5r mble, pulling the door off its hinges ;ith jerk, l id hold on 3iddy's rm, nd brought her to the light< 9ery much frighted, but little hurt7 +t fell to my sh re to deli9er our unt T bith , ;ho h d lost her c p in the struggle, nd being r ther more th n h lf fr ntic, ;ith r ge nd terror, ; s no b d represent tion of one of the sister .uries th t gu rd the g tes of hell == She expressed no sort of concern for her brother, ;ho r n bout in the cold, ;ithout his peri;ig, nd ;orked ;ith the most stonishing gility, in helping to disent ngle the horses from the c rri ge? but she cried, in tone of distr ction, 'Cho;derG Cho;derG my de r Cho;derG my poor

Cho;der is cert inly killedG' This ; s not the c se == Cho;der, fter h 9ing tore my uncle's leg in the confusion of the f ll, h d retre ted under the sc t, nd from thence the footm n dre; him by the neck< for ;hich good office, he bit his fingers to the bone7 The fello;, ;ho is n tur lly surly, ; s so pro9oked t this ss ult, th t he s luted his ribs ;ith he rty kick, excl iming, '* mn the n sty son of bitch, nd them he belongs toG' ! benediction, ;hich ; s by no me ns lost upon the impl c ble 9ir go his mistress == Her brother, ho;e9er, pre9 iled upon her to retire into pe s nt's house, ne r the scene of ction, ;here his he d nd hers ;ere co9ered, nd poor @enkins h d fit7 ,ur next c re ; s to pply some sticking pl ister to the ;ound in his leg, ;hich exhibited the impression of Cho;der's teeth< but he ne9er opened his lips g inst the delin>uent == 0rs T bby, l rmed t this scene, '2ou s y nothing, 0 tt Ecried sheF< but + kno; your mind == + kno; the spite you h 9e to th t poor unfortun te nim lG + kno; you intend to t ke his life ; yG' '2ou re mist ken, upon my honourG Ereplied the s>uire, ;ith s rc stic smileF + should be inc p ble of h rbouring ny such cruel design g inst n object so mi ble nd inoffensi9e< e9en if he h d not the h ppiness to be your f 9ourite7' @ohn Thom s ; s not so delic te7 The fello;, ;hether re lly l rmed for his life, or instig ted by the desire of re9enge, c me in, nd bluntly dem nded, th t the dog should be put to de th< on the supposition, th t if e9er he should run m d here fter, he, ;ho h d been bit by him, ;ould be infected == 0y uncle c lmly rgued upon the bsurdity of his opinion, obser9ing, th t he himself ; s in the s me predic ment, nd ;ould cert inly t ke the prec ution he proposed, if he ; s not sure he r n no ris>ue of infection7 -e9ertheless, Thom s continued obstin te< nd, t length decl red, th t if the dog ; s not shot immedi tely, he himself ;ould be his executioner == This decl r tion opened the flood=g tes of T bby's elo>uence, ;hich ;ould h 9e sh med the first=r te or tress of 5illingsg te7 The footm n retorted in the s me stile< nd the s>uire dismissed him from his ser9ice, fter h 9ing pre9ented me from gi9ing him good horse=;hipping for his insolence7 The co ch being djusted, nother difficulty occurred == 0rs T bith bsolutely refused to enter it g in, unless nother dri9er could be found to t ke the pl ce of the postilion< ;ho, she ffirmed, h d o9erturned the c rri ge from m lice forethought == !fter much dispute, the m n resigned his pl ce to sh bby country fello;, ;ho undertook to go s f r s 0 rlborough, ;here they could be better pro9ided< nd t th t pl ce ;e rri9ed bout one ,'clock, ;ithout f rther impediment7 0rs 5r mble, ho;e9er, found ne; m tter of offence< ;hich, indeed, she h s p rticul r genius for extr cting t ;ill from lmost e9ery

incident in life7 Ae h d sc rce entered the room t 0 rlborough, ;here ;e st yed to dine, ;hen she exhibited form l compl int g inst the poor fello; ;ho h d superseded the postilion7 She s id he ; s such begg rly r sc l th t he h d ne'er shirt to his b ck, nd h d the impudence to shock her sight by she;ing his b re posteriors, for ;hich ct of indelic cy he deser9ed to be set in the stocks7 0rs Ainifred @enkins confirmed the ssertion, ;ith respect to his n kedness, obser9ing, t the s me time, th t he h d skin s f ir s l b ster7 'This is heinous offence, indeed Ecried my uncleF let us he r ;h t the fello; h s to s y in his o;n 9indic tion7' He ; s ccordingly summoned, nd m de his ppe r nce, ;hich ; s e>u lly >ueer nd p thetic7 He seemed to be bout t;enty ye rs of ge, of middling siDe, ;ith b ndy legs, stooping shoulders, high forehe d, s ndy locks, pinking eyes, fl t nose, nd long chin == but his complexion ; s of sickly yello;< his looks denoted f mine, nd the r gs th t he ;ore could h rdly conce l ;h t decency re>uires to be co9ered == 0y uncle, h 9ing sur9eyed him ttenti9ely, s id, ;ith n ironic l expression in his counten nce, '!n't you sh med, fello;, to ride postilion ;ithout shirt to co9er your b ckside from the 9ie; of the l dies in the co chC' '2es, + m, n ple se your noble honour E ns;ered the m nF but necessity h s no l ;, s the s ying is == !nd more th n th t, it ; s n ccident7 0y breeches cr cked behind, fter + h d got into the s ddle' '2ou're n impudent 9 rlet Ecried 0rs T bbyF for presuming to ride before persons of f shion ;ithout shirt' == '+ m so, n ple se your ;orthy l dyship Es id heF but + m poor Ailtshire l d == + h 'n't shirt in the ;orld, th t + c n c ll my o;n, nor r g of clothes, nd ple se your l dyship, but ;h t you see == + h 9e no friend nor rel tion upon e rth to help me out == + h 9e h d the fe9er nd gue these six months, nd spent ll + h d in the ;orld upon doctors, nd to keep soul nd body together< nd, s 9ing your l dyship's good presence, + h n't broke bre d these four nd t;enty hours7' 0rs 5r mble, turning from him, s id, she h d ne9er seen such filthy t tterdem lion, nd bid him begone< obser9ing, th t he ;ould fill the room full of 9ermin == Her brother d rted signific nt gl nce t her, s she retired ;ith 3iddy into nother p rtment, nd then sked the m n if he ; s kno;n to ny person in 0 rlboroughC == Ahen he ns;ered, th t the l ndlord of the inn h d kno;n him from his inf ncy< mine host ; s immedi tely c lled, nd being interrog ted on the subject, decl red th t the young fello;'s n me ; s Humphry Clinker7 Th t he h d been lo9e begotten b be, brought up in the ;ork=house, nd put out pprentice by the p rish to country bl ck=smith, ;ho died before the boy's time ; s out? th t he h d for some time ;orked under his ostler, s helper nd extr postilion, till he ; s t ken ill of the gue, ;hich dis bled him from getting his bre d? th t, h 9ing sold or p ;ned e9ery thing he h d in the ;orld for

his cure nd subsistence, he bec me so miser ble nd sh bby, th t he disgr ced the st ble, nd ; s dismissed< but th t he ne9er he rd ny thing to the prejudice of his ch r cter in other respects7 'So th t the fello; being sick nd destitute Es id my uncleF you turned him out to die in the streets7' '+ p y the poor's r te Ereplied the otherF nd + h 9e no right to m int in idle 9 gr nts, either in sickness or he lth< besides, such miser ble object ;ould h 9e brought discredit upon my house7' '2ou percei9e Es id the 's>uire, turning to meF our l ndlord is Christi n of bo;els == Aho sh ll presume to censure the mor ls of the ge, ;hen the 9ery public ns exhibit such ex mples of hum nityC == He rk ye, Clinker, you re most notorious offender == 2ou st nd con9icted of sickness, hunger, ;retchedness, nd ; nt == 5ut, s it does not belong to me to punish crimin ls, + ;ill only t ke upon me the t sk of gi9ing you ;ord of d9ice7 Get shirt ;ith ll con9enient disp tch, th t your n kedness m y not hencefor; rd gi9e offence to tr 9elling gentle;omen, especi lly m idens in ye rs7' So s ying, he put guine into the h nd of the poor fello;, ;ho stood st ring t him in silence, ;ith his mouth ;ide open, till the l ndlord pushed him out of the room7 +n the fternoon, s our unt stept into the co ch, she obser9ed, ;ith some m rks of s tisf ction, th t the postilion, ;ho rode next to her, ; s not sh bby ;retch like the r g muffin ;ho h d them into 0 rlborough7 +ndeed, the difference ; s 9ery conspicuous? this ; s sm rt fello;, ;ith n rro; brimmed h t, ;ith gold cording, cut bob, decent blue j cket, le ther=bre ches, nd cle n linen shirt, puffed bo9e the ; ist=b nd7 Ahen ;e rri9ed t the C stle, on Spin=hill, ;here ;e l y, this ne; postilion ; s rem rk bly ssiduous in bringing in the loose p rcels< nd, t length, displ yed the indi9idu l counten nce of Humphry Clinker, ;ho h d met morphosed himself in this m nner, by relie9ing from p ;n p rt of his o;n clothes, ;ith the money he h d recei9ed from 0r 5r mble7 Ho;soe9er ple sed the rest of the comp ny ;ere ;ith such f 9our ble ch nge in the ppe r nce of this poor cre ture it soured on the stom ch of 0rs T bby, ;ho h d not yet digested the ffront of his n ked skin == She tossed her nose in disd in, s ying, she supposed her brother h d t ken him into f 9our, bec use he h d insulted her ;ith his obscenity? th t fool nd his money ;ere soon p rted< but th t if 0 tt intended to t ke the fello; ;ith him to 3ondon, she ;ould not go foot further th t ; y == 0y uncle s id nothing ;ith his tongue, though his looks ;ere sufficiently expressi9e< nd next morning Clinker did not ppe r, so th t ;e proceeded ;ithout further lterc tion to S lthill, ;here ;e proposed to dine == There, the first person th t c me to the side of the co ch, nd beg n to djust the footbo rd, ; s no

other th n Humphry Clinker == Ahen + h nded out 0rs 5r mble, she eyed him ;ith furious look, nd p ssed into the house == 0y uncle ; s emb rr ssed, nd sked him pee9ishly, ;h t h d brought him hitherC The fello; s id, his honour h d been so good to him, th t he h d not the he rt to p rt ;ith him< th t he ;ould follo; him to the ;orld's end, nd ser9e him ll the d ys of his life, ;ithout fee or re; rd7 0r 5r mble did not kno; ;hether to chide or l ugh t this decl r tion == He fores ; much contr diction on the side of T bby< nd on the other h nd, he could not but be ple sed ;ith the gr titude of Clinker, s ;ell s ;ith the simplicity of his ch r cter == 'Suppose + ; s inclined to t ke you into my ser9ice Es id heF ;h t re your >u lific tionsC ;h t re you good forC' '!n ple se your honour E ns;ered this origin lF + c n re d nd ;rite, nd do the business of the st ble indifferent ;ell == + c n dress horse, nd shoe him, nd bleed nd ro;el him< nd, s for the pr ctice of so;=gelding, + ;on't turn my b ck on e'er he in the county of Ailts == Then + c n m ke hog's puddings nd hob=n ils, mend kettles nd tin s uce=p ns7' == Here uncle burst out =l ughing< nd in>uired ;h t other ccomplishments he ; s m ster of == '+ kno; something of single=stick, nd ps lmody Eproceeded ClinkerF< + c n pl y upon the je;'s=h rp, sing 5l ck=ey'd Sus n, !rthur=o'5r dley, nd di9ers other songs< + c n d nce Aelsh jig, nd - ncy * ;son< ;restle f ll ;ith ny l d of my inches, ;hen +'m in he rt< nd, under correction + c n find h re ;hen your honour ; nts bit of g me7' '.oreg dG thou re complete fello; Ecried my uncle, still l ughingF + h 9e good mind to t ke thee into my f mily == Prithee, go nd try if thou c n'st m ke pe ce ;ith my sister == Thou h 'st gi9en her much offence by she;ing her thy n ked t il7' Clinker ccordingly follo;ed us into the room, c p in h nd, ;here, ddressing himself to 0rs T bith , '0 y it ple se your l dyship's ;orship Ecried heF to p rdon nd forgi9e my offences, nd, ;ith God's ssist nce, + sh ll t ke c re th t my t il sh ll ne9er rise up in judgment g inst me, to offend your l dyship g in7 *o, pr y, good, s;eet, be utiful l dy, t ke comp ssion on poor sinner == God bless your noble counten nce< + m sure you re too h ndsome nd generous to be r m lice == + ;ill ser9e you on my bended knees, by night nd by d y, by l nd nd by ; ter< nd ll for the lo9e nd ple sure of ser9ing such n excellent l dy7' This compliment nd humili tion h d some effect upon T bby< but she m de no reply< nd Clinker, t king silence for consent, g 9e his ttend nce t dinner7 The fello;'s n tur l uk; rdness nd the flutter of his spirits ;ere producti9e of repe ted blunders in the course of his ttend nce == !t length, he spilt p rt of cust rd upon her right shoulder< nd, st rting b ck, trod upon Cho;der, ;ho set up dism l ho;l == Poor Humphry ; s so disconcerted t this double mist ke, th t he dropt the chin

dish, ;hich broke into thous nd pieces< then, f lling do;n upon his knees, rem ined in th t posture g ping, ;ith most ludicrous spect of distress7 0rs 5r mble fle; to the dog, nd, sn tching him in her rms, presented him to her brother s ying, 'This is ll concerted scheme g inst this unfortun te nim l, ;hose only crime is its reg rd for me == Here it is, kill it t once, nd then you'll be s tisfied7' Clinker, he ring these ;ords, nd t king them in the liter l ccept tion, got up in some hurry, nd seiDing knife from the side=bo rd, cried, '-ot here, n ple se your l dyship == +t ;ill d ub the room == Gi9e him to me, nd +'ll c rry him to the ditch by the ro dside' To this propos l he recei9ed no other ns;er, th n he rty box on the e r, th t m de him st gger to the other side of the room7 'Ah tG Es id she to her brotherF m + to be ffronted by e9ery m ngy hound th t you pick up on the high; yC + insist upon your sending this r sc llion bout his business immedi tely' '.or God's s ke, sister, compose yourself Es id my uncleF nd consider th t the poor fello; is innocent of ny intention to gi9e you offence' '+nnocent s the b be unborn' Ecried HumphryF7 '+ see it pl inly Eexcl imed this impl c ble m idenF, he cts by your direction< nd you re resol9ed to support him in his impudence This is b d return for ll the ser9ices + h 9e done you< for nursing you in your sickness, m n ging your f mily, nd keeping you from ruining yourself by your o;n imprudence == 5ut no; you sh ll p rt ;ith th t r sc l or me, upon the spot, ;ithout f rther loss of time< nd the ;orld sh ll see ;hether you h 9e more reg rd for your o;n flesh nd blood, or for begg rly foundling t ken from the dunghill7' 0r 5r mble's eyes beg n to glisten, nd his teeth to ch tter7 '+f st ted f irly Es id he, r ising his 9oiceF the >uestion is, ;hether + h 9e spirit to sh ke off n intoler ble yoke, by one effort of resolution, or me nness enough to do n ct of cruelty nd injustice, to gr tify the r ncour of c pricious ;om n == He rk ye, 0rs T bith 5r mble, + ;ill no; propose n ltern ti9e in my turn7 Either disc rd your four=footed f 9ourite, or gi9e me le 9e to bid you etern lly dieu == .or + m determined th t he nd + sh ll li9e no longer under the s me roof< nd to dinner ;ith ;h t ppetite you m y' == Thunderstruck t this decl r tion, she s t do;n in corner< nd, fter p use of some minutes, 'Sure + don't underst nd you, 0 ttG Es id sheF' '!nd yet + spoke in pl in English' ns;ered the 's>uire, ;ith peremptory look7 'Sir Eresumed this 9ir go, effectu lly humbledF, it is your prerog ti9e to comm nd, nd my duty to obey7 + c n't dispose of the dog in this pl ce< but if you'll llo; him to go in the co ch to 3ondon, + gi9e you my ;ord, he sh ll ne9er trouble you g in7' Her brother, entirely dis rmed by this mild reply, decl red, she could sk him nothing in re son th t he ;ould refuse< dding, '+ hope, sister, you h 9e ne9er found me deficient in n tur l

ffection7' 0rs T bith immedi tely rose, nd, thro;ing her rms bout his neck, kissed him on the cheek? he returned her embr ce ;ith gre t emotion7 3iddy sobbed, Ain7 @enkins c ckled, Cho;der c pered, nd Clinker skipped bout, rubbing his h nds for joy of this reconcili tion7 Concord being thus restored, ;e finished our me l ;ith comfort< nd in the e9ening rri9ed t 3ondon, ;ithout h 9ing met ;ith ny other d9enture7 0y unt seems to be much mended by the hint she recei9ed from her brother7 She h s been gr ciously ple sed to remo9e her disple sure from Clinker, ;ho is no; ret ined s footm n< nd in d y or t;o ;ill m ke his ppe r nce in ne; suit of li9ery< but s he is little c>u inted ;ith 3ondon, ;e h 9e t ken n occ sion l 9 let, ;hom + intend here fter to hire s my o;n ser9 nt7 Ae lodge in Goldens>u re, t the house of one 0rs -otion, decent sort of ;om n, ;ho t kes gre t p ins to m ke us ll e sy7 0y uncle proposes to m ke circuit of ll the rem rk ble scenes of this metropolis, for the entert inment of his pupils< but s both you nd + re lre dy c>u inted ;ith most of those he ;ill 9isit, nd ;ith some others he little dre ms of, + sh ll only communic te ;h t ;ill be in some me sure ne; to your obser9 tion7 1emember me to our @esuitic l friends, nd belie9e me e9er, *e r knight, 2ours ffection tely, @7 0E3.,1* 3,-*,-, 0 y "87

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *,CT,1, 3ondon is liter lly ne; to me< ne; in its streets, houses, nd e9en in its situ tion< s the +rishm n s id, '3ondon is no; gone out of to;n7' Ah t + left open fields, producing h y nd corn, + no; find co9ered ;ith streets nd s>u res, nd p l ces, nd churches7 + m credibly informed, th t in the sp ce of se9en ye rs, ele9en thous nd ne; houses h 9e been built in one >u rter of Aestminster, exclusi9e of ;h t is d ily dded to other p rts of this un;ieldy metropolis7 Pimlico nd 4nightsbridge re no; lmost joined to Chelse nd 4ensington< nd if this inf tu tion continues for h lf century, + suppose the ;hole county of 0iddlesex ;ill be co9ered ;ith brick7 It must be allowed, indeed, for the credit of the present age, that London and Westminster are much better paved and lighted

than they were formerly. The new streets are spacious, regular, and airy; and the houses generally convenient. The bridge at Blackfriars is a noble monument of taste and public spirit. I wonder how they stumbled upon a work of such magnificence and utility. But, notwithstanding these improvements, the capital is become an overgrown monster; which, like a dropsical head, will in time leave the body and e!tremities without nourishment and support. The absurdity will appear in its full force, when we consider that one si!th part of the natives of this whole e!tensive kingdom is crowded within the bills of mortality. What wonder that our villages are depopulated, and our farms in want of day labourers" The abolition of small farms is but one cause of the decrease of population. Indeed, the incredible increase of horses and black cattle, to answer the purposes of lu!ury, re#uires a prodigious #uantity of hay and grass, which are raised and managed without much labour; but a number of hands will always be wanted for the different branches of agriculture, whether the farms be large or small. The tide of lu!ury has swept all the inhabitants from the open country The poorest s#uire, as well as the richest peer, must have his house in town, and make a figure with an e!traordinary number of domestics. The plough boys, cow herds, and lower hinds are debauched and seduced by the appearance and discourse of those co!combs in livery, when they make their summer e!cursions. They desert their dirt and drudgery, and swarm up to London, in hopes of getting into service, where they can live lu!uriously and wear fine clothes, without being obliged to work; for idleness is natural to man $reat numbers of these, being disappointed in their e!pectation, become thieves and sharpers; and London being an immense wilderness, in which there is neither watch nor ward of any signification, nor any order or police, affords them lurking places as well as prey. There re m ny c uses th t contribute to the d ily incre se of this enormous m ss< but they m y be ll resol9ed into the gr nd source of luxury nd corruption == !bout fi9e nd t;enty ye rs go, 9ery fe;, e9en of the most opulent citiDens of 3ondon, kept ny e>uip ge, or e9en ny ser9 nts in li9ery7 Their t bles produced nothing but pl in boiled nd ro sted, ;ith bottle of port nd t nk rd of beer7 !t present, e9ery tr der in ny degree of credit, e9ery broker nd ttorney, m int ins couple of footmen, co chm n, nd postilion7 He h s his to;n=house, nd his country=house, his co ch, nd his post=ch ise7 His ;ife nd d ughters ppe r in the richest stuffs, besp ngled ;ith di monds7 They fre>uent the court, the oper , the the tre, nd the m s>uer de7 They hold ssemblies t their o;n houses? they m ke sumptuous entert inments, nd tre t ;ith the richest ;ines of 5orde ux, 5urgundy, nd Ch mp gne7 The subst nti l tr desm n, ;ho ;ont to p ss his e9enings t the le=house for fourpence h lf=penny, no; spends three shillings t the t 9ern, ;hile his ;ife keeps c rd=t bles t home< she must like;ise h 9e fine clothes,

her ch ise, or p d, ;ith country lodgings, nd go three times ;eek to public di9ersions7 E9ery clerk, pprentice, nd e9en ; iter of t 9ern or coffeehouse, m int ins gelding by himself, or in p rtnership, nd ssumes the ir nd pp rel of petit m itre == The g yest pl ces of public entert inment re filled ;ith f shion ble figures< ;hich, upon in>uiry, ;ill be found to be journeymen t ylors, ser9ing=men, nd big ils, disguised like their betters7 +n short, there is no distinction or subordin tion left == The different dep rtments of life re jumbled together == The hod=c rrier, the lo; mech nic, the t pster, the public n, the shopkeeper, the pettifogger, the citiDen, nd courtier, ll tre d upon the kibes of one nother? ctu ted by the demons of proflig cy nd licentiousness, they re seen e9ery ;here r mbling, riding, rolling, rushing, justling, mixing, bouncing, cr cking, nd cr shing in one 9ile ferment of stupidity nd corruption == !ll is tumult nd hurry< one ;ould im gine they ;ere impelled by some disorder of the br in, th t ;ill not suffer them to be t rest7 The foot=p ssengers run long s if they ;ere pursued by b iliffs7 The porters nd ch irmen trot ;ith their burthens7 People, ;ho keep their o;n e>uip ges, dri9e through the streets t full speed7 E9en citiDens, physici ns, nd pothec ries, glide in their ch riots like lightening7 The h ckney=co chmen m ke their horses smoke, nd the p 9ement sh kes under them< nd + h 9e ctu lly seen ; ggon p ss through Picc dilly t the h nd=g llop7 +n ;ord, the ;hole n tion seems to be running out of their ;its7 The di9ersions of the times re not ill suited to the genius of this incongruous monster, c lled the public7 Gi9e it noise, confusion, gl re, nd glitter< it h s no ide of eleg nce nd propriety == Ah t re the musements of 1 nel ghC ,ne h lf of the comp ny re follo;ing t the other's t ils, in n etern l circle< like so m ny blind sses in n oli9e=mill, ;here they c n neither discourse, distinguish, nor be distinguished< ;hile the other h lf re drinking hot ; ter, under the denomin tion of te , till nine or ten o'clock t night, to keep them ; ke for the rest of the e9ening7 !s for the orchestr , the 9oc l music especi lly, it is ;ell for the performers th t they c nnot be he rd distinctly7 6 uxh ll is composition of b ubles, o9erch rged ;ith p ltry orn ments, ill concei9ed, nd poorly executed< ;ithout ny unity of design, or propriety of disposition7 +t is n unn tur l ssembly of objects, f nt stic lly illumin ted in broken m sses< seemingly contri9ed to d DDle the eyes nd di9ert the im gin tion of the 9ulg r == Here ;ooden lion, there stone st tue< in one pl ce, r nge of things like coffeehouse boxes, co9ered =top< in nother, p rcel of le=house benches< in third, puppet=sho; represent tion of tin c sc de< in fourth, gloomy c 9e of circul r form, like sepulchr l 9 ult h lf lighted< in fifth, sc nty flip of gr ss=pl t, th t ;ould not fford p sture

sufficient for n ss's colt7 The ; lks, ;hich n ture seems to h 9e intended for solitude, sh de, nd silence, re filled ;ith cro;ds of noisy people, sucking up the nocturn l rheums of n guish clim te< nd through these g y scenes, fe; l mps glimmer like so m ny f rthing c ndles7 Ahen + see number of ;ell dressed people, of both sexes, sitting on the co9ered benches, exposed to the eyes of the mob< nd, ;hich is ;orse, to the cold, r ;, night= ir, de9ouring sliced beef, nd s;illing port, nd punch, nd cyder, + c n't help comp ssion ting their temerity< ;hite + despise their ; nt of t ste nd decorum< but, ;hen they course long those d mp nd gloomy ; lks, or cro;d together upon the ;et gr 9el, ;ithout ny other co9er th n the cope of He 9en, listening to song, ;hich one h lf of them c nnot possibly he r, ho; c n + help supposing they re ctu lly possessed by spirit, more bsurd nd pernicious th n ny thing ;e meet ;ith in the precincts of 5edl mC +n ll prob bility, the proprietors of this, nd other public g rdens of inferior note, in the skirts of the metropolis, re, in some sh pe, connected ;ith the f culty of physic, nd the comp ny of undert kers< for, considering th t e gerness in the pursuit of ;h t is c lled ple sure, ;hich no; predomin tes through e9ery r nk nd denomin tion of life, + m persu ded th t more gouts, rheum tisms, c t rrhs, nd consumptions re c ught in these nocturn l p stimes, sub dio, th n from ll the ris>ues nd ccidents to ;hich life of toil nd d nger is exposed7 These, nd other obser9 tions, ;hich + h 9e m de in this excursion, ;ill shorten my st y t 3ondon, nd send me b ck ;ith double relish to my solitude nd mount ins< but + sh ll return by different route from th t ;hich brought me to to;n7 + h 9e seen some old friends, ;ho const ntly resided in this 9irtuous metropolis, but they re so ch nged in m nners nd disposition, th t ;e h rdly kno; or c re for one nother == +n our journey from 5 th, my sister T bby pro9oked me into tr nsport of p ssion< during ;hich, like m n ;ho h s dr nk himself pot=9 li nt, + t lked to her in such stile of uthority nd resolution, s produced most blessed effect7 She nd her dog h 9e been rem rk bly >uiet nd orderly e9er since this expostul tion7 Ho; long this gree ble c lm ;ill l st, He 9en bo9e kno;s == + fl tter myself, the exercise of tr 9elling h s been of ser9ice to my he lth< circumst nce ;hich encour ges me to=proceed in my projected expedition to the -orth7 5ut + must, in the me n time, for the benefit nd musement of my pupils, explore the depths of this ch os< this missh pen nd monstrous c pit l, ;ithout he d or t il, members or proportion7 Thom s ; s so insolent to my sister on the ro d, th t + ; s obliged to turn him off bruptly, bet;ixt Chippenh m nd 0 rlborough, ;here our co ch ; s o9erturned7 The fello; ; s l; ys sullen nd selfish< but, if he should return to the

country, you m y gi9e him ch r cter for honesty nd sobriety< nd, pro9ided he beh 9es ;ith proper respect to the f mily, let him h 9e couple of guine s in the n me of 2ours l; ys, 0!TT7 51!053E 3,-*,-, 0 y "#7

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7 02 *E!1 3ETT2, +nexpressible ; s the ple sure + recei9ed from yours of the "Lth, ;hich ; s l st night put into my h nds by 0rs 5rentford, the milliner, from Gloucester == + rejoice to he r th t my ;orthy go9erness is in good he lth, nd, still more, th t she no longer ret ins ny disple sure to; rds her poor 3iddy7 + m sorry you h 9e lost the society of the gree ble 0iss 6 ughn< but, + hope you ;on't h 9e c use much longer to regret the dep rture of your school comp nions, s + m ke no doubt but your p rents ;ill, in little time, bring you into the ;orld, ;here you re so ;ell >u lified to m ke distinguished figure7 Ahen th t is the c se, + fl tter myself you nd + sh ll meet g in, nd be h ppy together< nd e9en impro9e the friendship ;hich ;e contr cted in our tender ye rs7 This t le st + c n promise == +t sh ll not be for the ; nt of my utmost ende 9ours, if our intim cy does not continue for life7 !bout fi9e d ys go ;e rri9ed in 3ondon, fter n e sy journey from 5 th< during ;hich, ho;e9er, ;e ;ere o9erturned, nd met ;ith some other little incidents, ;hich, h d like to h 9e occ sioned misunderst nding bet;ixt my uncle nd unt< but no;, th nk God, they re h ppily reconciled? ;e li9e in h rmony together, nd e9ery d y m ke p rties to see the ;onders of this 9 st metropolis, ;hich, ho;e9er, + c nnot pretend to describe< for + h 9e not s yet seen one hundredth p rt of its curiosities, nd + m >uite in m De of dmir tion7 The cities of 3ondon nd Aestminster re spre d out into n incredible extent7 The streets, s>u res, ro;s, l nes, nd lleys, re innumer ble7 P l ces, public buildings, nd churches rise in e9ery >u rter< nd, mong these l st, St P ul's ppe rs ;ith the most stonishing pre=eminence7 They s y it is not so l rge s, St Peter's t 1ome< but, for my o;n p rt, + c n h 9e no ide of ny e rthly temple more gr nd nd m gnificent7 5ut e9en these superb objects re not so striking s the cro;ds of people th t s; rm in the streets7 + t first im gined th t

some gre t ssembly ; s just dismissed, nd ; nted to st nd side till the multitude should p ss< but this hum n tide continues to flo;, ;ithout interruption or b tement, from morn till night7 Then there is such n infinity of g y e>uip ges, co ches, ch riots, ch ises, nd other c rri ges, continu lly rolling nd shifting before your eyes, th t one's he d gro;s giddy looking t them< nd the im gin tion is >uite confounded ;ith splendour nd 9 riety7 -or is the prospect by ; ter less gr nd nd stonishing th n th t by l nd? you see three stupendous bridges, joining the opposite b nks of bro d, deep, nd r pid ri9er< so 9 st, so st tely, so eleg nt, th t they seem to be the ;ork of the gi nts< bet;ixt them, the ;hole surf ce of the Th mes is co9ered ;ith sm ll 9essels, b rges, bo ts, nd ;herries, p ssing to nd fro< nd belo; the three bridges, such prodigious forest of m sts, for miles together, th t you ;ould think ll the ships in the uni9erse ;ere here ssembled7 !ll th t you re d of ;e lth nd gr ndeur in the !r bi n -ights' Entert inment, nd the Persi n T les, concerning 5 gd d, *i rbekir, * m scus, +sp h n, nd S m rk nd, is here re liDed7 1 nel gh looks like the inch nted p l ce of genie, dorned ;ith the most ex>uisite perform nces of p inting, c r9ing, nd gilding, enlightened ;ith thous nd golden l mps, th t emul te the noon=d y sun< cro;ded ;ith the gre t, the rich, the g y, the h ppy, nd the f ir< glittering ;ith cloth of gold nd sil9er, l ce, embroidery, nd precious stones7 Ahile these exulting sons nd d ughters of felicity tre d this round of ple sure, or reg le in different p rties, nd sep r te lodges, ;ith fine imperi l te nd other delicious refreshments, their e rs re entert ined ;ith the most r 9ishing delights of music, both instrument l nd 9oc l7 There + he rd the f mous Tenducci, thing from +t ly == +t looks for ll the ;orld like m n, though they s y it is not7 The 9oice, to be sure, is neither m n's nor ;om n's< but it is more melodious th n either< nd it ; rbled so di9inely, th t, ;hile + listened, + re lly thought myself in p r dise7 !t nine o'clock, in ch rming moonlight e9ening, ;e emb rked t 1 nel gh for 6 uxh ll, in ;herry so light nd slender th t ;e looked like so m ny f iries s iling in nutshell7 0y uncle, being pprehensi9e of c tching cold upon the ; ter, ;ent round in the co ch, nd my unt ;ould h 9e ccomp nied him, but he ;ould not suffer me to go by ; ter if she ;ent by l nd< nd therefore she f 9oured us ;ith her comp ny, s she percei9ed + h d curiosity to m ke this gree ble 9oy ge == !fter ll, the 9essel ; s sufficiently lo ded< for, besides the ; term n, there ; s my brother @ery, nd friend of his, one 0r 5 rton, country gentlem n, of good fortune, ;ho h d dined t our house == The ple sure of this little excursion ; s, ho;e9er, d mped, by my being s dly frighted t our l nding< ;here there ; s terrible confusion of ;herries nd cro;d of people b ;ling, nd s;e ring, nd >u rrelling, n y, p rcel of ugly=looking fello;s

c me running into the ; ter, nd l id hold of our bo t ;ith gre t 9iolence, to pull it =shore< nor ;ould they >uit their hold till my brother struck one of them o9er the he d ;ith his c ne7 5ut this flutter ; s fully recompensed by the ple sures of 6 uxh ll< ;hich + no sooner entered, th n + ; s d DDled nd confounded ;ith the 9 riety of be uties th t rushed ll t once upon my eye7 +m ge to yourself, my de r 3etty, sp cious g rden, p rt l id out in delightful ; lks, bounded ;ith high hedges nd trees, nd p 9ed ;ith gr 9el< p rt exhibiting ;onderful ssembl ge of the most pictures>ue nd striking objects' p 9ilions, lodges, gro9es, grottoes, l ;ns, temples nd c sc des< porticoes, colon des, nd rotundos< dorned ;ith pill rs, st tues, nd p inting? the ;hole illumin ted ;ith n infinite number of l mps, disposed in different figures of suns, st rs, nd constell tions< the pl ce cro;ded ;ith the g yest comp ny, r nging through those blissful sh des, or supping in different lodges on cold coll tions, enli9ened ;ith mirth, freedom, nd good humour, nd nim ted by n excellent b nd of music7 !mong the 9oc l performers + h d the h ppiness to he r the celebr ted 0rs ==, ;hose 9oice ; s loud nd shrill, th t it m de my he d ke through excess of ple sure7 +n bout h lf n hour fter ;e rri9ed ;e ;ere joined by my uncle, ;ho did not seem to relish the pl ce7 People of experience nd infirmity, my de r 3etty, see ;ith 9ery different eyes from those th t such s you nd + m ke use of == ,ur e9ening's entert inment ; s interrupted by n unlucky ccident7 +n one of the remotest ; lks ;e ;ere surprised ;ith sudden sho;er, th t set the ;hole comp ny =running, nd dro9e us in he ps, one upon nother, into the rotund < ;here my uncle, finding himself ;et, beg n to be 9ery pee9ish nd urgent to be gone7 0y brother ;ent to look for the co ch, nd found it ;ith much difficulty< but s it could not hold us ll, 0r 5 rton st yed behind7 +t ; s some time before the c rri ge could be brought up to the g te, in the confusion, not;ithst nding the utmost ende 9ours of our ne; footm n, Humphry Clinker, ;ho lost his scr tch peri;ig, nd got broken he d in the scuffle7 The moment ;e ;ere se ted, my unt pulled off my uncle's shoes, nd c refully ;r pped his poor feet in her c puchin< then she g 9e him mouth=ful of cordi l, ;hich she l; ys keeps in her pocket, nd his clothes ;ere shifted s soon s ;e rri9ed t lodgings< so th t, blessed be God, he esc ped se9ere cold, of ;hich he ; s in gre t terror7 !s for 0r 5 rton, + must tell you in confidence, he ; s little p rticul r< but, perh ps, + mist ke his compl is nce< nd + ;ish + m y, for his s ke == 2ou kno; the condition of my poor he rt? ;hich, in spite of h rd us ge == !nd yet + ought not to compl in? nor ;ill +, till f rther inform tion7 5esides 1 nel gh nd 6 uxh ll, + h 9e been t 0rs Cornelys' ssembly, ;hich, for the rooms, the comp ny, the dresses, nd decor tions, surp sses ll description< but s + h 9e no gre t

turn for c rd pl ying, + h 9e not yet entered thoroughly into the spirit of the pl ce? indeed + m still such country hoyden, th t + could h rdly find p tience to be put in condition to ppe r, yet, s + ; s not bo9e six hours under the h nds of the h ir=dresser, ;ho stuffed my he d ;ith s much bl ck ;ool s ;ould h 9e m de >uilted pettico t< nd, fter ll, it ; s the sm llest he d in the ssembly, except my unt's == She, to be sure, ; s so p rticul r ;ith her rumpt go;n nd pettico t, her sc nty curls, her l ppethe d, deep triple ruffles, nd high st ys, th t e9ery body looked t her ;ith surprise? some ;hispered, nd some tittered< nd l dy Griskin, by ;hom ;e ;ere introduced, fl tly told her, she ; s t;enty good ye rs behind the f shion7 3 dy Griskin is person of f shion, to ;hom ;e h 9e the honour to be rel ted7 She keeps sm ll rout t her o;n house, ne9er exceeding ten or doDen c rd=t bles, but these re fre>uented by the best comp ny in to;n == She h s been so obliging s to introduce my unt nd me to some of her p rticul r friends of >u lity, ;ho tre t us ;ith the most f mili r good=humour? ;e h 9e once dined ;ith her, nd she t kes the trouble to direct us in ll our motions7 + m so h ppy s to h 9e g ined her good;ill to such degree, th t she sometimes djusts my c p ;ith her o;n h nds< nd she h s gi9en me kind in9it tion to st y ;ith her ll the ;inter7 This, ho;e9er, h s been cruelly declined by my uncle ;ho seems to be E+ kno; not ho;F prejudiced g inst the good l dy< for, ;hene9er my unt h ppens to spe k in her commend tion, + obser9e th t he m kes ;ry f ces, though he s ys nothing == Perh ps, indeed, these grim ces m y be the effect of p in rising from the gout nd rheum tism, ;ith ;hich he is s dly distressed == To me, ho;e9er, he is l; ys good=n tured nd generous, e9en beyond my ;ish7 Since ;e c me hither, he h s m de me present of suit of clothes, ;ith trimmings nd l ces, ;hich cost more money th n + sh ll mention< nd @ery, t his desire, h s gi9en me my mother's di mond crops, ;hich re ordered to be set =ne;< so th t it ;on't be his f ult if + do not glitter mong the st rs of the fourth or fifth m gnitude7 + ;ish my ;e k he d m y not gro; giddy in the midst of ll this g ll ntry nd dissip tion< though, s yet, + c n s fely decl re, + could gl dly gi9e up ll these tumultuous ple sures, for country solitude, nd h ppy retre t ;ith those ;e lo9e< mong ;hom, my de r Aillis ;ill l; ys possess the first pl ce in the bre st of her E9er ffection te, 32*+! 0E3.,1* 3,-*,-, 0 y :&7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7

*E!1 PH+33+PS, + send you this letter, fr nked by our old friend 5 rton< ;ho is s much ltered s it ; s possible for m n of his kidney to be7 +nste d of the c reless, indolent slo9en ;e kne; t ,xford, + found him busy t lk ti9e politici n< petit=m itre in his dress, nd ceremonious courtier in his m nners7 He h s not g ll enough in his constitution to be enfl med ;ith the r ncour of p rty, so s to de l in scurrilous in9ecti9es< but, since he obt ined pl ce, he is become ; rm p rtiD n of the ministry, nd sees e9ery thing through such n ex gger ting medium, s to me, ;ho m h ppily of no p rty, is ltogether incomprehensible == Aithout ll doubt, the fumes of f ction not only disturb the f culty of re son, but lso per9ert the org ns of sense< nd + ;ould l y hundred guine s to ten, th t if 5 rton on one side, nd the most conscientious p triot in the opposition on the other, ;ere to dr ;, upon honour, the picture of the k$ing( or m$inisters(, you nd +, ;ho re still uninfected, nd unbi sed, ;ould find both p inters e>u lly dist nt from the truth7 ,ne thing, ho;e9er, must be llo;ed for the honour of 5 rton, he ne9er bre ks out into illiber l buse, f r less ende 9ours, by inf mous c lumnies, to bl st the mor l ch r cter of ny indi9idu l on the other side7 E9er since ;e c me hither, he h s been rem rk bly ssiduous in his ttention to our f mily< n ttention, ;hich, in m n of his indolence nd 9oc tions, + should h 9e thought ltogether odd, nd e9en unn tur l, h d not + percei9ed th t my sister 3iddy h d m de some impression upon his he rt7 + c nnot s y th t + h 9e ny objection to his trying his fortune in this pursuit? if n opulent est te nd gre t flock of good=n ture re sufficient >u lific tions in husb nd, to render the m rri ge=st te h ppy for life, she m y be h ppy ;ith 5 rton< but, + im gine, there is something else re>uired to eng ge nd secure the ffection of ;om n of sense nd delic cy? something ;hich n ture h s denied our friend == 3iddy seems to be of the s me opinion7 Ahen he ddresses himself to her in discourse, she seems to listen ;ith reluct nce, nd industriously 9oids ll p rticul r communic tion< but in proportion to her coyness, our unt is coming7 0rs T bith goes more th n h lf ; y to meet his d9 nces< she mist kes, or ffects to mist ke, the me ning of his courtesy, ;hich is r ther form l nd fulsome< she returns his compliments ;ith hyperbolic l interest, she persecutes him ;ith her ci9ilities t t ble, she ppe ls to him for e9er in con9ers tion, she sighs, nd flirts, nd ogles, nd by her hideous ffect tion nd impertinence, dri9es the poor courtier to the 9ery extremity of his compl is nce< in short, she seems to h 9e undert ken the siege of 5 rton's he rt, nd c rries on her ppro ches in such desper te m nner, th t + don't kno; ;hether he ;ill not be obliged to c pitul te7 +n the me n time, his 9ersion to this in mor t struggling ;ith his c>uired ff bility, nd his

n tur l fe r of gi9ing offence, thro;s him into kind of distress ;hich is extremely ridiculous7 T;o d ys go, he persu ded my uncle nd me to ccomp ny him to St @ mes's, ;here he undertook to m ke us c>u inted ;ith the persons of ll the gre t men in the kingdom< nd, indeed, there ; s gre t ssembl ge of distinguished ch r cters, for it ; s high festi9 l t court7 ,ur conductor performed his promise ;ith gre t punctu lity7 He pointed out lmost e9ery indi9idu l of both sexes, nd gener lly introduced them to our notice, ;ith flourish of p negyrick == Seeing the king ppro ch, 'There comes Es id heF the most mi ble so9ereign th t e9er s; yed the sceptre of Engl nd? the delicioe hum ni generis< !ugustus, in p troniDing merit< Titus 6esp si n in generosity< Tr j n in beneficence< nd 0 rcus !urelius in philosophy7' '! 9ery honest kind he rted gentlem n E dded my uncleF he's too good for the times7 ! king of Engl nd should h 9e spice of the de9il in his composition7' 5 rton, then turning to the duke of C$umberl nd(, proceeded, == '2ou kno; the duke, th t illustrious hero, ;ho trode rebellion under his feet, nd secured us in possession of e9ery thing ;e ought to hold de r, s English men nd Christi ns7 0 rk ;h t n eye, ho; penetr ting, yet p cificG ;h t dignity in his mienG ;h t hum nity in his spect == E9en m lice must o;n, th t he is one of the gre test officers in Christendom7' '+ think he is Es id 0r 5r mbleF but ;ho re these young gentlemen th t st nd beside himC' 'ThoseG Ecried our friendF those re his roy l nephe;s< the princes of the blood7 S;eet young princesG the s cred pledges of the Protest nt line< so spirited, so sensible, so princely' == '2es< 9ery sensibleG 9ery spiritedG Es id my uncle, interrupting himF but see the >ueenG h , there's the >ueenG == There's the >ueenG let me see == 3et me see == Ahere re my gl ssesC h G there's me ning in th t eye == There's sentiment == There's expression == Aell, 0r 5 rton, ;h t figure do you c ll nextC' The next person he pointed out, ; s the f 9ourite ye rl< ;ho stood solit ry by one of the ;indo;s == '5ehold yon northern st r Es id heF shorn of his be ms' == 'Ah tG the C ledoni n lumin ry, th t l tely bl Ded so bright in our hemisphereG methinks, t present, it glimmers through fog< like S turn ;ithout his ring, ble k, nd dim, nd dist nt == H , there's the other gre t phenomenon, the gr nd pension ry, th t ;e thercock of p triotism th t 9eers bout in e9ery point of the politic l comp ss, nd still feels the ;ind of popul rity in his t il7 He too, like portentous comet, h s risen g in bo9e the court=horiDon< but ho; long he ;ill continue to scend, it is not e sy to foretell, considering his gre t eccentricity == Aho re those t;o s tellites th t ttend his motionsC' Ahen 5 rton told him their n mes, 'To their ch r cters Es id 0r 5r mbleF + m no str nger7 ,ne of them, ;ithout drop of red blood in his 9eins, h s cold intoxic ting 9 pour in his he d< nd r ncour enough in his he rt to inocul te nd ffect ;hole n tion7 The other is E+ he rF intended for sh re in the d$ministr tio(n, nd the

pension ry 9ouches for his being duly >u lified == The only inst nce + e9er he rd of his s g city, ; s his deserting his former p tron, ;hen he found him declining in po;er, nd in disgr ce ;ith the people7 Aithout principle, t lent, or intelligence, he is ungr cious s hog, greedy s 9ulture, nd thie9ish s j ckd ;< but, it must be o;ned, he is no hypocrite7 He pretends to no 9irtue, nd t kes no p ins to disguise his ch r cter == His ministry ;ill be ttended ;ith one d9 nt ge, no m n ;ill be dis ppointed by his bre ch of promise, s no mort l e9er trusted to his ;ord7 + ;onder ho; lord== first disco9ered this h ppy genius, nd for ;h t purpose lord== h s no; dopted him? but one ;ould think, th t s mber h s po;er to ttr ct dirt, nd str ;s, nd ch ff, minister is endued ;ith the s me kind of f culty, to lick up e9ery kn 9e nd blockhe d in his ; y' == His eulogium ; s interrupted by the rri9 l of the old duke of -==< ;ho, s>ueeDing into the circle ;ith busy f ce of import nce, thrust his he d into e9ery counten nce, s if he h d been in se rch of somebody, to ;hom he ; nted to imp rt something of gre t conse>uence == 0y uncle, ;ho h d been formerly kno;n to him, bo;ed s he p ssed< nd the duke seeing himself s luted so respectfully by ;ell=dressed person, ; s not slo; in returning the courtesy == He e9en c me up, nd, t king him cordi lly by the h nd, '0y de r friend, 0r !== Es id heF + m rejoiced to see you == Ho; long h 9e you been come from bro dC == Ho; did you le 9e our good friends the *utchC The king of Prussi don't think of nother ; r, hC == He's gre t kingG gre t con>uerorG 9ery gre t con>uerorG 2our !lex nders nd H nnib ls ;ere nothing, t ll to him, sir == Corpor lsG drummersG drossG mere tr sh == * mned tr sh, hehC' == His gr ce being by this time out of bre th, my uncle took the opportunity to tell him he h d not been out of Engl nd, th t his n me ; s 5r mble, nd th t he h d the honour to sit in the l st p rli ment but one of the l te king, s represent ti9e for the borough of *ymkymr ig7 ',dsoG Ecried the dukeF + remember you perfectly ;ell, my de r 0r 5r mble == 2ou ; s l; ys good nd loy l subject == st nch friend to dministr tion == + m de your brother n +rish bishop' == 'P rdon me, my lord Es id the s>uireF + once h d brother, but he ; s c pt in in the rmy' == 'H G Es id his gr ceF he ; s so == He ; s, indeedG 5ut ;ho ; s the 5ishop thenG 5ishop 5l ckberry == Sure it ; s bishop 5l ckberry7 Perh ps some rel tion of yours' == '6ery likely, my lord Ereplied my uncleF< the 5l ckberry is the fruit of the 5r mble == 5ut, + belie9e, the bishop is not berry of our bush' == '-o more he is == -o more he is, h , h , h G Eexcl imed the dukeF there you g 9e me scr tch, good 0r 5r mble, h , h , h G == Aell, + sh ll be gl d to see you t 3incoln's inn=fields == 2ou kno; the ; y == Times re ltered7 Though + h 9e lost the po;er, + ret in the inclin tion == 2our 9ery humble ser9 nt, good 0r 5l ckberry' == So s ying, he sho9ed to nother corner of the room7 'Ah t fine old gentlem nG Ecried 0r 5 rtonF ;h t spiritsG ;h t memoryG He ne9er forgets n old friend7' 'He does me too much honour Eobser9ed our s>uireF to r nk me mong the number == Ahilst

+ s t in p rli ment, + ne9er 9oted ;ith the ministry but three times, ;hen my conscience told me they ;ere in the right? ho;e9er, if he still keeps le9ee, + ;ill c rry my nephe; thither, th t he m y see, nd le rn to 9oid the scene< for, + think, n English gentlem n ne9er ppe rs to such dis d9 nt ge, s t the le9ee of minister == ,f his gr ce + sh ll s y nothing t present, but th t for thirty ye rs he ; s the const nt nd common butt of ridicule nd execr tion7 He ; s gener lly l ughed t s n pe in politics, ;hose office nd influence ser9ed only to render his folly the more notorious< nd the opposition cursed him, s the indef tig ble drudge of first=mo9er, ;ho ; s justly stiled nd stigm tiDed s the f ther of corruption? but this ridiculous pe, this 9en l drudge, no sooner lost the pl ces he ; s so ill >u lified to fill, nd unfurled the b nners of f ction, th n he ; s met morphosed into p ttern of public 9irtue< the 9ery people ;ho re9iled him before, no; extolled him to the skies, s ;ise, experienced st tesm n, chief pill r of the Protest nt succession, nd corner stone of English liberty7 + should be gl d to kno; ho; 0r 5 rton reconciles these contr dictions, ;ithout obliging us to resign ll title to the pri9ilege of common sense7' '0y de r sir E ns;ered 5 rtonF + don't pretend to justify the extr 9 g tions of the multitude< ;ho, + suppose, ;ere s ;ild in their former censure, s in the present pr ise? but + sh ll be 9ery gl d to ttend you on Thursd y next to his gr ce's le9ee< ;here, +'m fr id, ;e sh ll not be cro;ded ;ith comp ny< for, you kno;, there's ;ide difference bet;een his present office of president of the council, nd his former post of first lord commissioner of the tre sury7' This communic ti9e friend h 9ing nnounced ll the rem rk ble ch r cters of both sexes, th t ppe red t court, ;e resol9ed to djourn, nd retired7 !t the foot of the st ir=c se, there ; s cro;d of l c>ueys nd ch irmen, nd in the midst of them stood Humphry Clinker, ex lted upon stool, ;ith his h t in one h nd, nd p per in the other, in the ct of holding forth to the people == 5efore ;e could in>uire into the me ning of this exhibition, he percei9ed his m ster, thrust the p per into his pocket, descended from his ele9 tion, bolted through the cro;d, nd brought up the c rri ge to the g te7 0y uncle s id nothing till ;e ;ere se ted, ;hen, fter h 9ing looked t me e rnestly for some time, he burst out =l ughing, nd sked if + kne; upon ;h t subject Clinker ; s holding forth to the mob == '+f Es id heF the fello; is turned mounteb nk, + must turn him out of my ser9ice, other;ise he'll m ke 0erry !ndre;s of us ll' == + obser9ed, th t, in ll prob bility, he h d studied medicine under his m ster, ;ho ; s f rrier7 !t dinner, the s>uire sked him, if he h d e9er pr ctised physicC '2es, nd ple se your honour Es id heF mong brute be sts< but + ne9er meddle ;ith r tion l cre tures7' '+ kno; not ;hether you

r nk in th t cl ss the udience you ; s h r nguing in the court t St7 @ mes's, but + should be gl d to kno; ;h t kind of po;ders you ; s distributing< nd ;hether you h d good s le' == 'S le, sirG Ecried ClinkerF + hope + sh ll ne9er be b se enough to sell for gold nd sil9er, ;h t freely comes of God's gr ce7 + distributed nothing, n like your honour, but ;ord of d9ice to my fello;s in ser9itude nd sin7' '!d9iceG concerning ;h tC' 'Concerning prof ne s;e ring, n ple se your honour< so horrid nd shocking, th t it m de my h ir st nd on end7' '- y, if thou c n'st cure them ,f th t dise se, + sh ll think thee ;onderful doctor indeed' 'Ahy not cure them, my good m sterC the he rts of those poor people re not so stubborn s your honour seems to think == 0 ke them first sensible th t you h 9e nothing in 9ie; but their good, then they ;ill listen ;ith p tience, nd e sily be con9inced of the sin nd folly of pr ctice th t ffords neither profit nor ple sure == !t this rem rk, our uncle ch nged colour, nd looked round the comp ny, conscious th t his o;n ;ithers ;ere not ltogether un;rung7 '5ut, Clinker Es id heF if you should h 9e elo>uence enough to persu de the 9ulg r to resign those tropes nd figures of rhetoric, there ;ill be little or nothing left to distinguish their con9ers tion from th t of their betters7' '5ut then your honour kno;s, their con9ers tion ;ill be 9oid of offence< nd, t the d y of judgment, there ;ill be no distinction of persons7' Humphry going do;n st irs to fetch up bottle of ;ine, my uncle congr tul ted his sister upon h 9ing such reformer in the f mily< ;hen 0rs T bith decl red, he ; s sober ci9iliDed fello;< 9ery respectful, nd 9ery industrious< nd, she belie9ed, good Christi n into the b rg in7 ,ne ;ould think, Clinker must re lly h 9e some 9ery extr ordin ry t lent, to ingr ti te himself in this m nner ;ith 9ir go of her ch r cter, so fortified g inst him ;ith prejudice nd resentment< but the truth is, since the d9enture of S lt=hill, 0rs T bby seems to be entirely ch nged7 She h s left off scolding the ser9 nts, n exercise ;hich ; s gro;n h bitu l, nd e9en seemed necess ry to her constitution< nd is become so indifferent to Cho;der, s to p rt ;ith him in present to l dy Griskin, ;ho proposes to bring the breed of him into f shion7 Her l dyship is the ;ido; of Sir Timothy Griskin, dist nt rel tion of our f mily7 She enjoys jointure of fi9e hundred pounds =ye r, nd m kes shift to spend three times th t sum7 Her ch r cter before m rri ge ; s little e>ui9oc l< but t present she li9es in the bon ton, keeps c rd=t bles, gi9es pri9 te suppers to select friends, nd is 9isited by persons of the first f shion == She h s been rem rk bly ci9il to us ll, nd culti9 tes my uncle ;ith the most p rticul r reg rd< but the more she strokes him, the more his bristles seem to rise == To her compliments he m kes 9ery l conic nd dry returns == T'other d y she sent us pottle of fine str ;berries, ;hich he did not recei9e ;ithout signs of disgust, muttering from the !eneid, timeo * n os et *on ferentes7 She h s t;ice c lled for

3iddy, of forenoon, to t ke n iring in the co ch< but 0rs T bby ; s l; ys so lert E+ suppose by his directionF th t she ne9er could h 9e the niece ;ithout her unt's comp ny7 + h 9e ende 9oured to sound S>u re=toes on this subject< but he c refully 9oids ll expl n tion7 + h 9e no;, de r Phillips, filled ;hole sheet, nd if you h 9e re d it to n end, + d re s y, you re s tired s 2our humble ser9 nt, @7 0E3.,1* 3,-*,-, @une "7

To *r 3EA+S7 2es, *octor, + h 9e seen the 5ritish 0useum< ;hich is noble collection, nd e9en stupendous, if ;e consider it ; s m de by pri9 te m n, physici n, ;ho ; s obliged to m ke his o;n for tune t the s me time? but gre t s the collection is, it ;ould ppe r more striking if it ; s rr nged in one sp cious s loon, inste d of being di9ided into different p rtments, ;hich it does not entirely fill == + could ;ish the series of med ls ; s connected, nd the ;hole of the nim l, 9eget ble, nd miner l kingdoms completed, by dding to e ch, t the public expence, those rticles th t re ; nting7 +t ;ould like;ise be gre t impro9ement, ;ith respect to the libr ry, if the deficiencies ;ere m de up, by purch sing ll the books of ch r cter th t re not to be found lre dy in the collection == They might be cl ssed in centuries, ccording to the d tes of their public tion, nd c t logues printed of them nd the m nuscripts, for the inform tion of those th t ; nt to consult, or compile from such uthorities7 + could lso ;ish, for the honour of the n tion, th t there ; s complete pp r tus for course of m them tics, mech nics, nd experiment l philosophy< nd good s l ry settled upon n ble professor, ;ho should gi9e regul r lectures on these subjects7 5ut this is ll idle specul tion, ;hich ;ill ne9er be reduced to pr ctice == Considering the temper of the times, it is ;onder to see ny institution ;h tsoe9er est blished for the benefit of the Public7 The spirit of p rty is risen to kind of phrenDy, unkno;n to former ges, or r ther degener ted to tot l extinction of honesty nd c ndour == 2ou kno; + h 9e obser9ed, for some time, th t the public p pers re become the inf mous 9ehicles of the most cruel nd perfidious def m tion? e9ery r ncorous kn 9e e9ery desper te incendi ry, th t c n fford to spend h lf cro;n or three shillings, m y skulk behind the press of ne;smonger, nd h 9e st b t the first ch r cter in the

kingdom, ;ithout running the le st h D rd of detection or punishment7 + h 9e m de c>u int nce ;ith 0r 5 rton, ;hom @ery kne; t ,xford< good sort of m n, though most ridiculously ; rped in his politic l principles< but his p rti lity is the less offensi9e, s it ne9er ppe rs in the stile of scurrility nd buse7 He is member of p rli ment, nd ret iner to the court< nd his ;hole con9ers tion turns upon the 9irtues nd perfections of the ministers, ;ho re his p trons7 T'other d y, ;hen he ; s bed ubing one of those ;orthies, ;ith the most fulsome pr ise, + told him + h d seen the s me noblem n ch r cterised 9ery differently, in one of the d ily=p pers< indeed, so stigm tiDed, th t if one h lf of ;h t ; s s id of him ; s true, he must be not only unfit to rule, but e9en unfit to li9e? th t those impe chments h d been repe ted g in nd g in, ;ith the ddition of fresh m tter< nd th t s he h d t ken no steps to; rds his o;n 9indic tion, + beg n to think there ; s some found tion for the ch rge7 '!nd pr y, Sir Es id 0r 5 rtonF, ;h t steps ;ould you h 9e him t keC Suppose he should prosecute the publisher, ;ho screens the nonymous ccuser, nd bring him to the pillory for libel< this is so f r from being counted punishment, in terrorem, th t it ;ill prob bly m ke his fortune7 The multitude immedi tely t ke him into their protection, s m rtyr to the c use of def m tion, ;hich they h 9e l; ys espoused7 They p y his fine, they contribute to the incre se of his stock, his shop is cro;ded ;ith customers, nd the s le of his p per rises in proportion to the sc nd l it cont ins7 !ll this time the prosecutor is in9eighed g inst s tyr nt nd oppressor, for h 9ing chosen to proceed by the ; y of inform tion, ;hich is deemed grie9 nce< but if he l ys n ction for d m ges, he must pro9e the d m ge, nd + le 9e you to judge, ;hether gentlem n's ch r cter m y not be brought into contempt, nd ll his 9ie;s in life bl sted by c lumny, ;ithout his being ble to specify the p rticul rs of the d m ge he h s sust ined7 'This spirit of def m tion is kind of heresy, th t thri9es under persecution7 The liberty of the press is term of gre t effic cy< nd like th t of the Protest nt religion, h s often ser9ed the purposes of sedition == ! minister, therefore, must rm himself ;ith p tience, nd be r those tt cks ;ithout repining == Ah te9er mischief they m y do in other respects, they cert inly contribute, in one p rticul r, to the d9 nt ges of go9ernment< for those def m tory rticles h 9e multiplied p pers in such m nner, nd ugmented their s le to such degree, th t the duty upon st mps nd d9ertisements h s m de 9ery consider ble ddition to the re9enue7' Cert in it is, gentlem n's honour is 9ery delic te subject to be h ndled by jury, composed of men, ;ho c nnot be supposed rem rk ble either for sentiment or imp rti lity == +n such c se, indeed, the defend nt is tried, not only by his peers, but lso by his p rty< nd + re lly think,

th t of ll p triots, he is the most resolute ;ho exposes himself to such detr ction, for the s ke of his country == +f, from the ignor nce or p rti lity of juries, gentlem n c n h 9e no redress from l ;, for being def med in p mphlet or ne;sp per, + kno; but one other method of proceeding g inst the publisher, ;hich is ttended ;ith some ris>ue, but h s been pr ctised successfully, more th n once, in my remembr nce == ! regiment of horse ; s represented, in one of the ne;sp pers, s h 9ing misbeh 9ed t *ettingen< c pt in of th t regiment broke the publisher's bones, telling him, t the s me time, if he ;ent to l ;, he should cert inly h 9e the like s lut tion from e9ery officer of the corps7 Go9ernor== took the s me s tisf ction on the ribs of n uthor, ;ho tr duced him by n me in periodic l p per == + kno; lo; fello; of the s me cl ss, ;ho, being turned out of 6enice for his impudence nd scurrility, retired to 3ug no, to;n of the Grisons E free people, God ;otF ;here he found printing press, from ;hence he s>uirted his filth t some respect ble ch r cters in the republic, ;hich he h d been obliged to b ndon7 Some of these, finding him out of the re ch of leg l ch stisement, employed cert in useful instruments, such s m y be found in ll countries, to gi9e him the b stin do< ;hich, being repe ted more th n once, effectu lly stopt the current of his buse7 !s for the liberty of the press, like e9ery other pri9ilege, it must be restr ined ;ithin cert in bounds< for if it is c rried to br nch of l ;, religion, nd ch rity, it becomes one of the gre test e9ils th t e9er nnoyed the community7 +f the lo;est ruffi n m y st b your good n me ;ith impunity in Engl nd, ;ill you be so unc ndid s to excl im g inst +t ly for the pr ctice of common ss ssin tionC To ;h t purpose is our property secured, if our mor l ch r cter is left defencelessC People thus b ited, gro; desper te< nd the desp ir of being ble to preser9e one's ch r cter, unt inted by such 9ermin, produces tot l neglect of f me< so th t one of the chief incitements to the pr ctice of 9irtue is effectu lly destroyed7 0r 5 rton's l st consider tion, respecting the st mp=duty, is e>u lly ;ise nd l ud ble ;ith nother m xim ;hich h s been long dopted by our fin nciers, n mely, to conni9e t drunkenness, riot, nd dissip tion, bec use they inh nce the receipt of the excise< not reflecting, th t in pro9iding this tempor ry con9enience, they re destroying the mor ls, he lth, nd industry of the people == -ot;ithst nding my contempt for those ;ho fl tter minister, + think there is something still more despic ble in fl ttering mob7 Ahen + see m n of birth, educ tion, nd fortune, put himself on le9el ;ith the dregs of the people, mingle ;ith lo; mech nics, feed ;ith them t the s me bo rd, nd drink ;ith them in the s me cup, fl tter their prejudices, h r ngue in pr ise of their 9irtues, expose themsel9es to the belchings of their beer, the fumes of their tob cco, the

grossness of their f mili rity, nd the impertinence of their con9ers tion, + c nnot help despising him, s m n guilty of the 9ilest prostitution, in order to effect purpose e>u lly selfish nd illiber l7 + should renounce politics the more ;illingly, if + could find other topics of con9ers tion discussed ;ith more modesty nd c ndour< but the d emon of p rty seems to h 9e usurped e9ery dep rtment of life7 E9en the ;orld of liter ture nd t ste is di9ided into the most 9irulent f ctions, ;hich re9ile, decry, nd tr duce the ;orks of one nother7 2esterd y, + ;ent to return n fternoon's 9isit to gentlem n of my c>u int nce, t ;hose house + found one of the uthors of the present ge, ;ho h s ;ritten ;ith some success == !s + h d re d one or t;o of his perform nces, ;hich g 9e me ple sure, + ; s gl d of this opportunity to kno; his person< but his discourse nd deportment destroyed ll the impressions ;hich his ;ritings h d m de in his f 9our7 He took upon him to decide dogm tic lly upon e9ery subject, ;ithout deigning to she; the le st c use for his differing from the gener l opinions of m nkind, s if it h d been our duty to c>uiesce in the ipse dixit of this ne; Pyth gor s7 He rejudged the ch r cters of ll the princip l uthors, ;ho h d died ;ithin century of the present time< nd, in this re9ision, p id no sort of reg rd to the reput tion they h d c>uired == 0ilton ; s h rsh nd pros ic< *ryden, l nguid nd 9erbose< 5utler nd S;ift ;ithout humour< Congre9e, ;ithout ;it< nd Pope destitute of ny sort of poetic l merit == !s for his contempor ries, he could not be r to he r one of them mentioned ;ith ny degree of ppl use == They ;ere ll dunces, ped nts, pl gi ries, >u cks, nd impostors< nd you could not n me single perform nce, but ;h t ; s t me, stupid, nd insipid7 +t must be o;ned, th t this ;riter h d nothing to ch rge his conscience ;ith, on the side of fl ttery< for + underst nd, he ; s ne9er kno;n to pr ise one line th t ; s ;ritten, e9en by those ;ith ;hom he li9ed on terms of good fello;ship7 This rrog nce nd presumption, in depreci ting uthors, for ;hose reput tion the comp ny m y be interested, is such n insult upon the underst nding, s + could not be r ;ithout ;incing7 + desired to kno; his re sons for decrying some ;orks, ;hich h d fforded me uncommon ple sure< nd, s demonstr tion did not seem to be his t lent, + dissented from his opinion ;ith gre t freedom7 H 9ing been spoiled by the deference nd humility of his he rers, he did not be r contr diction ;ith much temper< nd the dispute might h 9e gro;n ; rm, h d it not been interrupted by the entr nce of ri9 l b rd, t ;hose ppe r nce he l; ys >uits the pl ce == They re of different c b ls, nd h 9e been t open ; r these t;enty ye rs == +f the other ; s dogm tic l, this genius ; s decl m tory? he did not discourse, but h r ngue< nd his or tions ;ere e>u lly tedious nd turgid7 He too pronounces ex c thedr upon the ch r cters of his contempor ries< nd though he scruples

not to de l out pr ise, e9en l 9ishly, to the lo;est reptile in Grubstreet ;ho ;ill either fl tter him in pri9 te, or mount the public rostrum s his p negyrist, he d mns ll the other ;riters of the ge, ;ith the utmost insolence nd r ncour == ,ne is blunderbuss, s being n ti9e of +rel nd< nother, h lf=st r9ed louse of liter ture, from the b nks of the T;eed< third, n ss, bec use he enjoys pension from the go9ernment< fourth, the 9ery ngel of dulness, bec use he succeeded in species of ;riting in ;hich this !rist rchus h d f iled< fifth, ;ho presumed to m ke strictures upon one of his perform nces, he holds s bug in criticism, ;hose stench is more offensi9e th n his sting == +n short, except himself nd his myrmidons, there is not m n of genius or le rning in the three kingdoms7 !s for the success of those, ;ho h 9e ;ritten ;ithout the p le of this confeder cy, he imputes it entirely to ; nt of t ste in the public< not considering, th t to the pprob tion of th t 9ery t steless public, he himself o;es ll the conse>uence he h s in life7 Those origin ls re not fit for con9ers tion7 +f they ;ould m int in the d9 nt ge they h 9e g ined by their ;riting, they should ne9er ppe r but upon p per == .or my p rt, + m shocked to find m n h 9e sublime ide s in his he d, nd nothing but illiber l sentiments in his he rt == The hum n soul ;ill be gener lly found most defecti9e in the rticle of c ndour == + m inclined to think, no mind ; s e9er ;holly exempt from en9y< ;hich, perh ps, m y h 9e been impl nted, s n instinct essenti l to our n ture7 + m fr id ;e sometimes p lli te this 9ice, under the sp cious n me of emul tion7 + h 9e kno;n person rem rk bly generous, hum ne, moder te, nd pp rently self=denying, ;ho could not he r e9en friend commended, ;ithout betr ying m rks of une siness< s if th t commend tion h d implied n odious comp rison to his prejudice, nd e9ery ;re th of pr ise dded to the other's ch r cter, ; s g rl nd plucked from his o;n temples7 This is m lign nt species of je lousy, of ;hich + st nd c>uitted in my o;n conscience7 Ahether it is 9ice, or n infirmity, + le 9e you to in>uire7 There is nother point, ;hich + ;ould much r ther see determined< ;hether the ;orld ; s l; ys s contemptible, s it ppe rs to me t presentC == +f the mor ls of m nkind h 9e not contr cted n extr ordin ry degree of depr 9ity, ;ithin these thirty ye rs, then must + be infected ;ith the common 9ice of old men, difficilis, >uerulus, l ud tor temporis cti< or, ;hich is more prob ble, the impetuous pursuits nd 9oc tions of youth h 9e formerly hindered me from obser9ing those rotten p rts of hum n n ture, ;hich no; ppe r so offensi9ely to my obser9 tion7 Ae h 9e been t court, nd 'ch nge, nd e9ery ;here< nd e9ery ;here ;e find food for spleen, nd subject for ridicule == 0y ne;

ser9 nt, Humphry Clinker, turns out gre t origin l? nd T bby is ch nged cre ture == She h s p rted ;ith Cho;der< nd does nothing but smile, like 0 l9olio in the pl y == +'ll be h nged if she is not cting p rt ;hich is not n tur l to her disposition, for some purpose ;hich + h 9e not yet disco9ered7 Aith respect to the ch r cters of m nkind, my curiosity is >uite s tisfied? + h 9e done ;ith the science of men, nd must no; ende 9our to muse myself ;ith the no9elty of things7 + m, t present, by 9iolent effort of the mind, forced from my n tur l bi s< but this po;er ce sing to ct, + sh ll return to my solitude ;ith redoubled 9elocity7 E9ery thing + see, nd he r, nd feel, in this gre t reser9oir of folly, kn 9ery, nd sophistic tion, contributes to inh nce the 9 lue of country life, in the sentiments of 2ours l; ys, 0!TT7 51!053E 3,-*,-, @une "7

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7 *E!1 0!12 @,-ES, 3 dy Griskin's botler, 0r Crumb, h 9ing got 's>uire 5 rton to fr nk me ki9er, + ;ould not neglect to let you kno; ho; it is ;ith me, nd the rest of the f mily7 + could not rite by @ohn Thom s, for bec use he ;ent ; y in huff, t minutes' ; rning7 He nd Cho;der could not gree, nd so they fitt upon the ro d, nd Cho;der bitt his thumb, nd he s;ore he ;ould do him mischief, nd he spoke s ucy to mistress, ;hereby the s>uire turned him off in gudgeon< nd by God's pro9idence ;e picked up nother footm n, c lled /mphry 4linker< good sole s e9er broke bre d< ;hich she;s th t sc lded c t m y pro9e good mouser, nd hound be st unch, thof he h s got n rro h re on his buttocks< but the proudest nose m y be bro't to the grinestone, by sickness nd misfortunes7 # 0ollyG ;h t sh ll + s y of 3ondonC !ll the to;ns th t e9er + beheld in my born=d ys, re no more th n Aelsh b rro;s nd crumlecks to this ;onderful sittyG E9en 5 th itself is but fillitch, in the n m of God == ,ne ;ould think there's no end of the streets, but the l nd's end7 Then there's such po;er of people, going hurry skurryG Such r cket of coxesG Such noise, nd h lib llooG So m ny str nge sites to be seenG , gr ciousG my poor Aelsh br in h s been spinning like top e9er since + c me hitherG !nd + h 9e seen the P rk, nd the p le ss of S int

Gimses, nd the king's nd the >ueen's m gisteri l pursing, nd the s;eet young princes, nd the hillyfents, nd pye b ld ss, nd ll the rest of the roy l f mily7 3 st ;eek + ;ent ;ith mistress to the To;er, to see the cro;ns nd ;ild be stis< nd there ; s monstr cious lion, ;ith teeth h lf >u rter long< nd gentlem n bid me not go ne r him, if + ; sn't m id< being s ho; he ;ould ro r, nd te r, nd pl y the dickens == -o; + h d no mind to go ne r him< for + c nnot bide such d ngerous honeymils, not + == but, mistress ;ould go< nd the be st kept such ro ring nd bouncing, th t + tho't he ;ould h 9e broke his c ge nd de9oured us ll< nd the gentlem n tittered forsooth< but +'ll go to de th upon it, + ;ill, th t my l dy is s good firchin, s the child unborn< nd, therefore, either the gentlem n told fib, or the lion oft to be set in the stocks for be ring f lse ;itness gin his neighbour< for the comm ndment s yeth, Thou sh lt not be r f lse ;itness g inst thy neighbour7 + ; s fter; rds of p rty t S dler's=;ells, ;here + s ; such tumbling nd d ncing upon ropes nd ;ires, th t + ; s frightened nd re dy to go into fit == + tho't it ; s ll inch ntment< nd, belie9ing myself be;itched, beg n for to cry == 2ou kno;s s ho; the ;itches in A les fly upon broom=sticks? but here ; s flying ;ithout ny broom=stick, or thing in the 9 rs l ;orld, nd firing of pistols in the ir, nd blo;ing of trumpets, nd s;inging, nd rolling of ;heel=b rro;s upon ;ire EGod bless usGF no thicker th n se;ing=thre d< th t, to be sure, they must de l ;ith the de9ilG == ! fine gentlem n, ;ith pig's=t il, nd golden sord by his side, come to comfit me, nd offered for to tre t me ;ith pint of ;ind< but + ;ould not st y< nd so, in going through the d rk p ss ge, he beg n to she; his clo9en futt, nd ;ent for to be rude? my fello;=s r9 nt, /mphry 4linker, bid him be si9il, nd he g 9e the young m n do;se in the chops< but, + f ckins, 0r 4linker ; 'n't long in his debt == ;ith good o ken s pling he dusted his doublet, for ll his golden cheese to ster< nd, fipping me under his rm, c rried me huom, + nose not ho;, being + ; s in such flustr tion == 5ut, th nk GodG +'m no; 9 ned from ll such 9 nities< for ;h t re ll those r rities nd 9 g ries to the glory th t sh ll be re9e led here fterC , 0ollyG let not your poor he rt be puffed up ;ith 9 nity7 + h d lmost forgot to tell you, th t + h 9e h d my h ir cut nd pippered, nd singed, nd bolstered, nd buckled, in the ne;est f shion, by .rench freeDer == P rley 9o; .r ncey == 6ee m dm nsell == + no; c rries my he d higher th n rro; pri9 te gentle;om n of 6 les7 3 st night, coming huom from the meeting, + ; s t ken by l mp=light for n iminent poulterer's d ughter, gre t be uty == 5ut s + ; s s ying, this is ll 9 nity nd 9ex tion of spirit == The ple sures of 3ondon re no better th n so;er ;hey nd st le cyder, ;hen comp red to the joys of the ne; Gerus lem7

*e r 0 ry @onesG !n ple se God ;hen + return, +'ll bring you ne; c p, ;ith turkey=shell coom, nd pyehouse sermon, th t ; s pre ched in the T bern cle< nd + pr y of ll lo9e, you ;ill mind your 9riting nd your spilling< for, cr 9ing your p rdon, 0olly, it m de me suet to disseyffer your l st scr bble, ;hich ; s deli9ered by the hind t 5 th == #, 9om nG 9om nG if thou h d'st but the le st consumption of ;h t ple sure ;e scullers h 9e, ;hen ;e c n cunster the cr bbidst buck off h nd, nd spell the ethnitch 9ords ;ithout lucking t the primmer7 !s for 0r 4linker, he is >u lified to be clerk to p rish == 5ut +'ll s y no more == 1emember me to S ul == poor soleG it goes to my h rt to think she don't yet kno; her letters == 5ut ll in God's good time == +t sh ll go h rd, but + ;ill bring her the ! 5 C in gingerbre d< nd th t, you nose, ;ill be le rning to her t ste7 0istress s ys, ;e re going long gurney to the -orth< but go ;here ;e ;ill, + sh ll e9er be, *e r 0 ry @ones, 2ours ;ith true infection A+-7 @E-4+-S 3,-*,-, @une :7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 A!T, + mentioned in my l st, my uncle's design of going to the duke of -=='s le9ee< ;hich design h s been executed ccordingly7 His gr ce h s been so long ccustomed to this kind of hom ge, th t though the pl ce he no; fills does not imply the tenth p rt of the influence, ;hich he exerted in his former office, he h s gi9en his friends to underst nd, th t they c nnot oblige him in ny thing more, th n in contributing to support the sh do; of th t po;er, ;hich he no longer ret ins in subst nce< nd therefore he h s still public d ys, on ;hich they ppe r t his le9ee7 0y uncle nd + ;ent thither ;ith 0r 5 rton, ;ho, being one of the duke's dherents, undertook to be our introducer == The room ; s pretty ;ell filled ;ith people, in gre t 9 riety of dress< but there ; s no more th n one go;n nd c ssock, though + ; s told his gr ce h d, ;hile he ; s minister, preferred lmost e9ery indi9idu l th t no; filled the bench of bishops in the house of lords< but in ll prob bility, the gr titude of the clergy is like their ch rity, ;hich shuns the light == 0r 5 rton ; s immedi tely ccosted by person ;ell stricken in ye rs, t ll,

nd r ;=boned, ;ith hook=nose, nd n rch leer, th t indic ted, t le st, s much cunning s s g city7 ,ur conductor s luted him, by the n me of c pt in C==, nd fter; rds informed us he ; s m n of shre;d p rts, ;hom the go9ernment occ sion lly employed in secret ser9ices7 5ut + h 9e h d the history of him more t l rge, from nother >u rter7 He h d been, m ny ye rs go, concerned in fr udulent pr ctices, s merch nt, in .r nce< nd being con9icted of some of them, ; s sent to the g llies, from ;hence he ; s deli9ered by the interest of the l te duke of ,rmond, to ;hom he h d recommended himself in letter, s his n me=s ke nd rel tion == He ; s in the se>uel, employed by our ministry s spy< nd in the ; r of &H8#, tr 9ersed ll Sp in, s ;ell s .r nce, in the disguise of c puchin, t the extreme h D rd of his life, in s much s the court of 0 drid h d ctu lly got scent of him, nd gi9en orders to pprehend him t St Seb sti n's, from ;hence he h d fortun tely retired but fe; hours before the order rri9ed7 This nd other h ir=bre dth 'sc pes he ple ded so effectu lly s merit ;ith the English ministry, th t they llo;ed him comfort ble pension, ;hich he no; enjoys in his old ge == He h s still ccess to ll the ministers, nd is s id to be consulted by them on m ny subjects, s m n of uncommon underst nding nd gre t experience == He is, in f ct, fello; of some p rts, nd in9incible ssur nce< nd, in his discourse, he ssumes such n ir of self=sufficiency, s m y 9ery ;ell impose upon some of the sh llo; politici ns, ;ho no; l bour t the helm of dministr tion7 5ut, if he is not belied, this is not the only imposture of ;hich he is guilty == They s y, he is t bottom not only 1om n=c tholic, but re lly priest< nd ;hile he pretends to disclose to our st te=pilots ll the springs th t mo9e the c binet of 6ers illes, he is ctu lly picking up intelligence for the ser9ice of the .rench minister7 5e th t s it m y, c pt in C== entered into con9ers tion ;ith us in the most f mili r m nner, nd tre ted the duke's ch r cter ;ithout ny ceremony == 'This ;ise cre Es id heF is still =bed< nd, + think, the best thing he c n do, is to sleep on till Christm s< for, ;hen he gets up, he does nothing but expose his o;n folly7 == Since Gren9ille ; s turned out, there h s been no minister in this n tion ;orth the me l th t ;hitened his peri=;ig == They re so ignor nt, they sc rce kno; cr b from c uliflo;er< nd then they re such dunces, th t there's no m king them comprehend the pl inest proposition == +n the beginning of the ; r, this poor h lf=;itted cre ture told me, in gre t fright, th t thirty thous nd .rench h d m rched from !c die to C pe 5reton == NAhere did they find tr nsportsC Es id +FN NTr nsports Ecried heF + tell you they m rched by l ndN == N5y l nd to the isl nd of C pe 5retonCN NAh tG is C pe 5reton n isl ndCN NCert inly7N NH G re you sure of th tCN Ahen + pointed it out in the m p, he ex mined it e rnestly ;ith his spect cles< then, t king me in his rms, N0y de r C==G Ecried heF you l; ys bring us good ne;s == Eg dG +'ll go directly, nd tell the king th t C pe 5reton is n isl nd7N'

He seemed disposed to entert in us ;ith more necdotes of this n ture, t the expense of his gr ce, ;hen he ; s interrupted by the rri9 l of the !lgerine mb ss dor< 9ener ble Turk, ;ith long ;hite be rd, ttended by his dr gom n, or interpreter, nd nother officer of his household, ;ho h d got no stockings to his legs == C pt in C== immedi tely spoke ;ith n ir of uthority to ser9 nt in ; iting, bidding him go nd tell the duke to rise, s there ; s gre t de l of comp ny come, nd, mong others, the mb ss dor from !lgiers7 Then, turning to us, 'This poor Turk Es id heF not;ithst nding his grey be rd, is green=horn == He h s been se9er l ye rs resident in 3ondon, nd still is ignor nt of our politic l re9olutions7 This 9isit is intended for the prime minister of Engl nd< but you'll see ho; this ;ise duke ;ill recei9e it s m rk of tt chment to his o;n person' == Cert in it is, the duke seemed e ger to ckno;ledge the compliment == ! door opened, he suddenly bolted out< ;ith sh 9ing=cloth under his chin, his f ce frothed up to the eyes ;ith so p l ther< nd running up to the mb ss dor, grinned hideous in his f ce == '0y de r 0 hometG Es id heF God lo9e your long be rd, + hope the dey ;ill m ke you horset il t the next promotion, h , h , h G H 9e but moment's p tience, nd +'ll send to you in t;inkling,' == So s ying, he retired into his den, le 9ing the Turk in some confusion7 !fter short p use, ho;e9er, he s id something to his interpreter, the me ning of ;hich + h d gre t curiosity to kno;, s he turned up his eyes ;hile he spoke, expressing stonishment, mixed ;ith de9otion7 Ae ;ere gr tified by me ns of the communic ti9e c pt in C==, ;ho con9ersed ;ith the dr gom n, s n old c>u int nce7 +br him, the mb ss dor, ;ho h d mist ken his gr ce for the minister's fool, ; s no sooner undecei9ed by the interpreter, th n he excl imed to this effect 'Holy prophetG + don't ;onder th t this n tion prospers, seeing it is go9erned by the counsel of ideots< series of men, ;hom ll good mussulmen re9ere s the org ns of immedi te inspir tionG' +br him ; s f 9oured ;ith p rticul r udience of short dur tion< fter ;hich the duke conducted him to the door, nd then returned to diffuse his gr cious looks mong the cro;d of his ;orshippers7 !s 0r 5 rton d9 nced to present me to his gr ce, it ; s my fortune to ttr ct his notice, before + ; s nnounced == He forth;ith met me more th n h lf ; y, nd, seiDing me by the h nd, '0y de r Sir .r ncisG Ecried heF this is so kind == + 9o; to GodG + m so obliged == Such ttention to poor broken minister7 Aell == Pr y ;hen does your excellency set s ilC == .or God's s ke h 9e c re of your he lth, nd c t ste;ed prunes in the p ss ge7 -ext to your o;n precious he lth, pr y, my de r excellency, t ke c re of the .i9e - tions == ,ur good friends the .i9e - tions7 The Toryrories, the 0 ccolm cks, the ,ut=o'the=; ys, the Crickets, nd the 4icksh ;s == 3et 'em h 9e plenty of bl nkets, nd stinkubus, nd ; mpum< nd your excellency ;on't f il to scour

the kettle, nd boil the ch in, nd bury the tree, nd pl nt the h tchet == H , h , h G' Ahen he h d uttered this rh psody, ;ith his usu l precipit tion, 0r 5 rton g 9e him to underst nd, th t + ; s neither Sir .r ncis, nor St .r ncis, but simply 0r 0elford, nephe; to 0r 5r mble< ;ho, stepping for; rd, m de his bo; t the s me time7 ',dsoG no more it is Sir .r ncis == Es id this ;ise st tesm nF 0r 0elford, +'m gl d to see you == + sent you n engineer to fortify your dock == 0r 5r mble == your ser9 nt, 0r 5r mble == Ho; d'ye, good 0r 5r mbleC 2our nephe; is pretty young fello; == . ith nd troth, 9ery pretty fello;G == His f ther is my old friend == Ho; does he hold itC Still troubled ;ith th t d mned disorder, h C' '-o, my lord Ereplied my uncleF, ll his troubles re o9er == He h s been de d these fifteen ye rs7' '*e dG ho; == 2es f ithG no; + remember? he is de d sure enough == Aell, nd ho; == does the young gentlem n st nd for H 9erford AestC or == ;h t d'ye7 0y de r 0r 0ilfordh 9en, +'ll do you ll the ser9ice in my po;er + hope + h 9e some credit left' == 0y uncle then g 9e him to underst nd, th t + ; s still minor< nd th t ;e h d no intention to trouble him t present, for ny f 9our ;h tsoe9er == '+ c me hither ;ith my nephe; E dded heF to p y our respects to your gr ce< nd + m y 9enture to s y, th t his 9ie;s nd mine re t le st s disinterested s those of ny indi9idu l in this ssembly7' '0y de r 0r 5r mbleberryG you do me infinite honour == + sh ll l; ys rejoice to see you nd your hopeful nephe;, 0r 0ilfordh 9en == 0y credit, such s it is, you m y comm nd == + ;ish ;e h d more friends of your kidney7' Then, turning to c pt in C==, 'H , C==G Es id heF ;h t ne;s, C==C Ho; does the ;orld ; gC h G' 'The ;orld ; gs much fter the old f shion, my lord E ns;ered the c pt inF? the politici ns of 3ondon nd Aestminster h 9e begun g in to ; g their tongues g inst your gr ce< nd your short=li9ed popul rity ; gs like fe ther, ;hich the next puff of ntiministeri l c lumny ;ill blo; ; y' == '! p ck of r sc ls Ecried the dukeF == Tories, @ cobites, rebels< one h lf of them ;ould ; g their heels t Tyburn, if they h d their deserts' == So s ying, he ;heeled bout< nd going round the le9ee, spoke to e9ery indi9idu l, ;ith the most courteous f mili rity< but he sc rce e9er opened his mouth ;ithout m king some blunder, in rel tion to the person or business of the p rty ;ith ;hom he con9ersed< so th t he re lly looked like comedi n, hired to burles>ue the ch r cter of minister == !t length, person of 9ery prepossessing ppe r nce coming in, his gr ce r n up, nd, hugging him in his rms, ;ith the ppell tion of '0y de r Ch==sG' led him forth;ith into the inner p rtment, or S nctum S nctorum of this politic l temple7 'Th t Es id c pt in C==F is my friend C== T==, lmost the only m n of p rts ;ho h s ny concern in the present dministr tion == +ndeed, he ;ould h 9e no concern t ll in the m tter, if the ministry did not find it bsolutely necess ry to m ke use of his t lents upon some p rticul r occ sions == !s for the common business of the n tion, it is c rried on in const nt routine by the clerks of the

different offices, other;ise the ;heels of go9ernment ;ould be ;holly stopt midst the brupt succession of ministers, e9ery one more ignor nt th n his predecessor == + m thinking ;h t fine ho9el ;e should be in, if ll the clerks of the tre sury, the secret ries, of the ; r=office, nd the dmir lty, should t ke it in their he ds to thro; up their pl ces in imit tion of the gre t pensioner ==5ut, to return to C== T==< he cert inly kno;s more th n ll the ministry nd ll the opposition, if their he ds ;ere l id together, nd t lks like n ngel on 9 st 9 riety of subjects7 He ;ould re lly be gre t m n, if he h d ny consistency or st bility of ch r cter == Then, it must be o;ned, he ; nts cour ge, other;ise he ;ould ne9er llo; himself to be co;ed by the gre t politic l bully, for ;hose underst nding he h s justly 9ery gre t contempt7 + h 9e seen him s much fr id of th t o9erbe ring Hector, s e9er schoolboy ; s of his ped gogue< nd yet this Hector, + shre;dly suspect, is no more th n cr 9en t bottom == 5esides this defect, C== h s nother, ;hich he is t too little p ins to hide == There's no f ith to be gi9en to his ssertions, nd no trust to be put in his promises == Ho;e9er, to gi9e the de9il his due, he's 9ery good=n tured< nd e9en friendly, ;hen close urged in the ; y of solicit tion == !s for principle, th t's out of the >uestion == +n ;ord, he is ;it nd n or tor, extremely entert ining, nd he shines 9ery often t the expence e9en of those ministers to ;hom he is ret iner7 This is m rk of gre t imprudence, by ;hich he h s m de them ll his enemies, ;h te9er f ce they m y put upon the m tter< nd sooner or l ter he'll h 9e c use to ;ish he h d been ble to keep his o;n counsel7 + h 9e se9er l times c utioned him on this subject< but 'tis ll pre ching to the desert == His 9 nity runs ; y ;ith his discretion' == + could not help thinking the c pt in himself might h 9e been the better for some hints of the s me n ture == His p negyric, excluding principle nd 9er city, puts me in mind of contest + once o9erhe rd, in the ; y of lterc tion, bet;ixt t;o pple=;omen in Spring=g rden == ,ne of those 9ir gos h 9ing hinted something to the prejudice of the other's mor l ch r cter, her nt gonist, setting her h nds in her sides, replied == 'Spe k out, hussy == + scorn your m lice == + o;n +'m both ;hore nd thief< nd ;h t more h 9e you to s yC == * mn you, ;h t more h 9e you to s yC b iting th t, ;hich ll the ;orld kno;s, + ch llenge you to s y bl ck is the ;hite of my eye' == Ae did not ; it for 0r T=='s coming forth< but fter c pt in C== h d ch r cterised ll the origin ls in ; iting, ;e djourned to coffeehouse, ;here ;e h d buttered muffins nd te to bre kf st, the s id c pt in still f 9ouring us ;ith his comp ny == - y, my uncle ; s so di9erted ;ith his necdotes, th t he sked him to dinner, nd tre ted him ;ith fine turbot, to ;hich he did mple justice == Th t s me e9ening + spent t the t 9ern ;ith some friends, one of ;hom let me into C=='s ch r cter, ;hich 0r 5r mble no sooner understood, th n he expressed some concern for the connexion he h d m de, nd resol9ed to diseng ge himself from it ;ithout ceremony7

Ae re become members of the Society for the Encour gement of the !rts, nd h 9e ssisted t some of their deliber tions, ;hich ;ere conducted ;ith e>u l spirit nd s g city == 0y uncle is extremely fond of the institution, ;hich ;ill cert inly be producti9e of gre t d9 nt ges to the public, if, from its democr tic l form, it does not degener te into c b l nd corruption == 2ou re lre dy c>u inted ;ith his 9ersion to the influence of the multitude, ;hich, he ffirms, is incomp tible ;ith excellence, nd sub9ersi9e of order == +ndeed his detest tion of the mob h s been heightened by fe r, e9er since he f inted in the room t 5 th< nd this pprehension h s pre9ented him from going to the 3ittle The tre in the H y=m rket, nd other pl ces of entert inment, to ;hich, ho;e9er, + h 9e h d the honour to ttend the l dies7 +t gr tes old S>u re=toes to reflect, th t it is not in his po;er to enjoy e9en the most eleg nt di9ersions of the c pit l, ;ithout the p rticip tion of the 9ulg r< for they no; thrust themsel9es into ll ssemblies, from ridotto t St @ mes's, to hop t 1otherhithe7 + h 9e l tely seen our old c>u int nce *ick +9y, ;ho ;e im gined h d died of dr m=drinking< but he is l tely emerged from the .leet, by me ns of p mphlet ;hich he ;rote nd published g inst the go9ernment ;ith some success7 The s le of this perform nce en bled him to ppe r in cle n linen, nd he is no; going bout soliciting subscriptions for his Poems< but his breeches re not yet in the most decent order7 *ick cert inly deser9es some counten nce for his intrepidity nd perse9er nce == +t is not in the po;er of dis ppointment, nor e9en of d mn tion, to dri9e him to desp ir == !fter some unsuccessful ess ys in the ; y of poetry, he commenced br ndy=merch nt, nd + belie9e his ;hole stock r n out through his o;n bo;els< then he consorted ;ith milk=;om n, ;ho kept cell r in Petty .r nce? but he could not m ke his >u rters good< he ; s dislodged nd dri9en up st irs into the kennel by corpor l in the second regiment of foot=gu rds == He ; s fter; rds the l ure t of 5l ckfri rs, from ;hence there ; s n tur l tr nsition to the .leet == !s he h d formerly misc rried in p negyric, he no; turned his thoughts to s tire, nd re lly seems to h 9e some t lent for buse7 +f he c n hold out till the meeting of the p rli ment, nd be prep red for nother ch rge, in ll prob bility *ick ;ill mount the pillory, or obt in pension, in either of ;hich e9ents his fortune ;ill be m de == 0e n ;hile he h s c>uired some degree of consider tion ;ith the respect ble ;riters of the ge< nd s + h 9e subscribed for his ;orks, he did me the f 9our t'other night to introduce me to society of those geniuses< but + found them exceedingly form l nd reser9ed == They seemed fr id nd je lous of one nother, nd s t in st te of mutu l repulsion, like so m ny p rticles of 9 pour, e ch surrounded by its o;n electrified tmosphere7 *ick, ;ho h s more 9i9 city th n judgment, tried more th n once to enli9en the con9ers tion<

sometimes m king n effort t ;it, sometimes letting off pun, nd sometimes disch rging conundrum< n y, t length he st rted dispute upon the h ckneyed comp rison bet;ixt bl nk 9erse nd rhyme, nd the professors opened ;ith gre t cl mour< but, inste d of keeping to the subject, they l unched out into tedious dissert tions on the poetry of the ncients< nd one of them, ;ho h d been school=m ster, displ yed his ;hole kno;ledge of prosody, gle ned from *isputer nd 1uddim n7 !t l st, + 9entured to s y, + did not see ho; the subject in >uestion could be t ll elucid ted by the pr ctice of the ncients, ;ho cert inly h d neither bl nk 9erse nor rhyme in their poems, ;hich ;ere me sured by feet, ;here s ours re reckoned by the number of syll bles == This rem rk seemed to gi9e umbr ge to the ped nt, ;ho forth;ith in9ol9ed himself in cloud of Greek nd 3 tin >uot tions, ;hich nobody ttempted to dispel == ! confused hum of insipid obser9 tions nd comments ensued< nd, upon the ;hole, + ne9er p ssed duller e9ening in my life == 2et, ;ithout ll doubt, some of them ;ere men of le rning, ;it, nd ingenuity7 !s they re fr id of m king free ;ith one nother, they should bring e ch his butt, or ;het=stone, long ;ith him, for the entert inment of the comp ny == 0y uncle s ys, he ne9er desires to meet ;ith more th n one ;it t time == ,ne ;it, like knuckle of h m in soup, gi9es Dest nd fl 9our to the dish< but more th n one ser9es only to spoil the pott ge == !nd no; +'m fr id + h 9e gi9en you n unconscion ble mess, ;ithout ny fl 9our t ll< for ;hich, + suppose, you ;ill besto; your benedictions upon 2our friend, nd ser9 nt @7 0E3.,1* 3,-*,-, @une L

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 3EA+S 2our f ble of the monkey nd the pig, is ;h t the +t li ns c ll ben tro9 t ? but + sh ll not repe t it to my pothec ry, ;ho is proud Scotchm n, 9ery thin skinned, nd, for ught + kno;, m y h 9e his degree in his pocket == ! right Scotchm n h s l; ys t;o strings to his bo;, nd is in utrum>ue p r tus == Cert in it is, + h 9e not 'sc ped scouring< but, + belie9e, by me ns of th t scouring, + h 9e 'sc ped something ;orse, perh ps tedious fit of the gout or rheum tism< for my ppetite beg n to fl g, nd + h d cert in cro kings in the bo;els, ;hich boded me no good == - y, + m not yet >uite free of these remembr nces, ;hich ; rn me to be gone from this centre of infection == Ah t tempt tion c n m n of my turn nd temper ment h 9e, to

li9e in pl ce ;here e9ery corner teems ;ith fresh objects of detest tion nd disgustC Ah t kind of t ste nd org ns must those people h 9e, ;ho re lly prefer the dulter te enjoyments of the to;n to the genuine ple sures of country retre tC 0ost people, + kno;, re origin lly seduced by 9 nity, mbition, nd childish curiosity< ;hich c nnot be gr tified, but in the busy h unts of men? but, in the course of this gr tific tion, their 9ery org ns of sense re per9erted, nd they become h bitu lly lost to e9ery relish of ;h t is genuine nd excellent in its o;n n ture7 Sh ll + st te the difference bet;een my to;n grie9 nces, nd my country comfortsC !t 5r mbleton=h ll, + h 9e elbo;=room ;ithin doors, nd bre the cle r, el stic, s lut ry ir == + enjoy refreshing sleep, ;hich is ne9er disturbed by horrid noise, nor interrupted, but in =morning, by the s;eet t;itter of the m rtlet t my ;indo; == + drink the 9irgin lymph, pure nd chryst lline s it gushes from the rock, or the sp rkling be9eridge, home=bre;ed from m lt of my o;n m king< or + indulge ;ith cyder, ;hich my o;n orch rd ffords< or ;ith cl ret of the best gro;th, imported for my o;n use, by correspondent on ;hose integrity + c n depend< my bre d is s;eet nd nourishing, m de from my o;n ;he t, ground in my o;n mill, nd b ked in my o;n o9en< my t ble is, in gre t me sure, furnished from my o;n ground< my fi9e=ye r old mutton, fed on the fr gr nt herb ge of the mount ins, th t might 9ie ;ith 9enison in juice nd fl 9our< my delicious 9e l, f ttened ;ith nothing but the mother's milk, th t fills the dish ;ith gr 9y< my poultry from the b rn=door, th t ne9er kne; confinement, but ;hen they ;ere t roost< my r bbits p nting from the ; rren< my g me fresh from the moors< my trout nd s lmon struggling from the stre m< oysters from their n ti9e b nks< nd herrings, ;ith other se fish, + c n e t in four hours fter they re t ken == 0y s ll ds, roots, nd potherbs, my o;n g rden yields in plenty nd perfection< the produce of the n tur l soil, prep red by moder te culti9 tion7 The s me soil ffords ll the different fruits ;hich Engl nd m y c ll her o;n, so th t my dessert is e9ery d y fresh=g thered from the tree< my d iry flo;s ;ith nect rious tildes of milk nd cre m, from ;hence ;e deri9e bund nce of excellent butter, curds, nd cheese< nd the refuse f ttens my pigs, th t re destined for h ms nd b con == + go to bed betimes, nd rise ;ith the sun == + m ke shift to p ss the hours ;ithout ;e riness or regret, nd m not destitute of musements ;ithin doors, ;hen the ;e ther ;ill not permit me to go bro d == + re d, nd ch t, nd pl y t billi rds, c rds or b ck=g mmon == Aithout doors, + superintend my f rm, nd execute pl ns of impro9ements, the effects of ;hich + enjoy ;ith unspe k ble delight == -or do + t ke less ple sure in seeing my ten nts thri9e under my uspices, nd the poor li9e comfort bly by the employment ;hich + pro9ide == 2ou kno; + h 9e one or t;o sensible friends, to ;hom + c n open ll my he rt< blessing ;hich, perh ps, + might h 9e sought in 9 in mong the cro;ded scenes of life? there re fe; others of more humble p rts, ;hom

+ esteem for their integrity< nd their con9ers tion + find inoffensi9e, though not 9ery entert ining7 .in lly, + li9e in the midst of honest men, nd trusty dependents, ;ho, + fl tter myself, h 9e disinterested tt chment to my person7 2ou, yourself, my de r *octor, c n 9ouch for the truth of these ssertions7 -o;, m rk the contr st t 3ondon == + m pent up in fro;Dy lodgings, ;here there is not room enough to s;ing c t< nd + bre the the ste ms of endless putref ction< nd these ;ould, undoubtedly, produce pestilence, if they ;ere not >u lified by the gross cid of se =co l, ;hich is itself pernicious nuis nce to lungs of ny delic cy of texture? but e9en this bo sted corrector c nnot pre9ent those l nguid, s llo; looks, th t distinguish the inh bit nts of 3ondon from those ruddy s; ins th t le d country=life == + go to bed fter midnight, j ded nd restless from the dissip tions of the d y == + st rt e9ery hour from my sleep, t the horrid noise of the ; tchmen b ;ling the hour through e9ery street, nd thundering t e9ery door< set of useless fello;s, ;ho ser9e no other purpose but th t of disturbing the repose of the inh bit nts< nd by fi9e o'clock + st rt out of bed, in conse>uence of the still more dre dful l rm m de by the country c rts, nd noisy rustics bello;ing green pe se under my ;indo;7 +f + ;ould drink ; ter, + must >u ff the m ukish contents of n open >ueduct, exposed to ll m nner of defilement< or s; llo; th t ;hich comes from the ri9er Th mes, impregn ted ;ith ll the filth of 3ondon nd Aestminster == Hum n excrement is the le st offensi9e p rt of the concrete, ;hich is composed of ll the drugs, miner ls, nd poisons, used in mech nics nd m nuf cture, enriched ;ith the putrefying c rc sses of be sts nd men< nd mixed ;ith the scourings of ll the ; sh=tubs, kennels, nd common se;ers, ;ithin the bills of mort lity7 This is the gree ble pot tion, extolled by the 3ondoners, s the finest ; ter in the uni9erse == !s to the intoxic ting potion, sold for ;ine, it is 9ile, unp l t ble, nd pernicious sophistic tion, b lderd shed ;ith cyder, corn=spirit, nd the juice of sloes7 +n n ction t l ;, l id g inst c rm n for h 9ing st 9ed c sk of port, it ppe red from the e9idence of the cooper, th t there ;ere not bo9e fi9e g llons of re l ;ine in the ;hole pipe, ;hich held bo9e hundred, nd e9en th t h d been bre;ed nd dulter ted by the merch nt t ,porto7 The bre d + c t in 3ondon, is deleterious p ste, mixed up ;ith ch lk, lum, nd bone= shes< insipid to the t ste, nd destructi9e to the constitution7 The good people re not ignor nt of this dulter tion == but they prefer it to ;holesome bre d, bec use it is ;hiter th n the me l of corn? thus they s crifice their t ste nd their he lth, nd the li9es of their tender inf nts, to most bsurd gr tific tion of mis=judging eye< nd the miller, or the b ker, is obliged to poison them nd their f milies, in order to li9e by his profession7 The s me monstrous depr 9ity

ppe rs in their 9e l, ;hich is ble ched by repe ted bleedings, nd other 9ill inous rts, till there is not drop of juice left in the body, nd the poor nim l is p r lytic before it dies< so 9oid of ll t ste, nourishment, nd s 9our, th t m n might dine s comfort bly on ;hite fric ssee of kid=skin glo9es< or chip h ts from 3eghorn7 !s they h 9e disch rged the n tur l colour from their bre d, their butchers=me t, nd poultry, their cutlets, r gouts, fric ssees nd s uces of ll kinds< so they insist upon h 9ing the complexion of their potherbs mended, e9en t the h D rd of their li9es7 Perh ps, you ;ill h rdly belie9e they c n be so m d s to boil their greens ;ith br ss h lfpence, in order to impro9e their colour< nd yet nothing is more true == +ndeed, ;ithout this impro9ement in the colour, they h 9e no person l merit7 They re produced in n rtifici l soil, nd t ste of nothing but the dunghills, from ;hence they spring7 0y c bb ge, c uliflo;er, nd 'sp r gus in the country, re s much superior in fl 9our to those th t re sold in Co9ent=g rden, s my he th=mutton is to th t of St @ mes's=m rket< ;hich in f ct, is neither l mb nor mutton, but something bet;ixt the t;o, gorged in the r nk fens of 3incoln nd Essex, p le, co rse, nd fro;Dy == !s for the pork, it is n bomin ble c rni9orous nim l, fed ;ith horse=flesh nd distillers' gr ins< nd the poultry is ll rotten, in conse>uence of fe9er, occ sioned by the inf mous pr ctice of se;ing up the gut, th t they m y be the sooner f ttened in coops, in conse>uence of this cruel retention7 ,f the fish, + need s y nothing in this hot ;e ther, but th t it comes sixty, se9enty, fourscore, nd hundred miles by l nd=c rri ge< circumst nce sufficient ;ithout ny comment, to turn *utchm n's stom ch, e9en if his nose ; s not s luted in e9ery lley ;ith the s;eet fl 9our of fresh m ck rel, selling by ret il7 This is not the se son for oysters< ne9ertheless, it m y not be miss to mention, th t the right Colchester re kept in slime=pits, occ sion lly o9erflo;ed by the se < nd th t the green colour, so much dmired by the 9oluptu ries of this metropolis, is occ sioned by the 9itriolic scum, ;hich rises on the surf ce of the st gn nt nd stinking ; ter == ,ur r bbits re bred nd fed in the poulterer's cell r, ;here they h 9e neither ir nor exercise, conse>uently they must be firm in flesh, nd delicious in fl 9our< nd there is no g me to be h d for lo9e or money7 +t must be o;ned, the Co9ent=g rden ffords some good fruit< ;hich, ho;e9er, is l; ys engrossed by fe; indi9idu ls of o9ergro;n fortune, t n exorbit nt price< so th t little else th n the refuse of the m rket f lls to the sh re of the community< nd th t is distributed by such filthy h nds, s + c nnot look t ;ithout lo thing7 +t ; s but yesterd y th t + s ; dirty b rro;=bunter in the street, cle ning her dusty fruit ;ith her o;n spittle< nd, ;ho kno;s but some fine l dy of St

@ mes's p rish might dmit into her delic te mouth those 9ery cherries, ;hich h d been rolled nd moistened bet;een the filthy, nd, perh ps, ulcer ted chops of St Giles's huckster == + need not d;ell upon the p llid, cont min ted m sh, ;hich they c ll str ;berries< soiled nd tossed by gre sy p ;s through t;enty b skets crusted ;ith dirt< nd then presented ;ith the ;orst milk, thickened ;ith the ;orst flour, into b d likeness of cre m? but the milk itself should not p ss un n lysed, the produce of f ded c bb ge=le 9es nd sour dr ff, lo;ered ;ith hot ; ter, frothed ;ith bruised sn ils, c rried through the streets in open p ils, exposed to foul rinsings, disch rged from doors nd ;indo;s, spittle, snot, nd tob cco=>uids from foot p ssengers, o9erflo;ings from mud c rts, sp tterings from co ch ;heels, dirt nd tr sh chucked into it by roguish boys for the joke's s ke, the spe;ings of inf nts, ;ho h 9e sl bbered in the tin=me sure, ;hich is thro;n b ck in th t condition mong the milk, for the benefit of the next customer< nd, fin lly, the 9ermin th t drops from the r gs of the n sty dr b th t 9ends this precious mixture, under the respect ble denomin tion of milk=m id7 + sh ll conclude this c t logue of 3ondon d inties, ;ith th t t ble=beer, guiltless of hops nd m lt, 9 pid nd n useous< much fitter to f cilit te the oper tion of 9omit, th n to >uench thirst nd promote digestion< the t llo;y r ncid m ss, c lled butter, m nuf ctured ;ith c ndle gre se nd kitchen stuff< nd their fresh eggs, imported from .r nce nd Scotl nd7 == -o;, ll these enormities might be remedied ;ith 9ery little ttention to the rticle of police, or ci9il regul tion< but the ;ise p triots of 3ondon h 9e t ken it into their he ds, th t ll regul tion is inconsistent ;ith liberty< nd th t e9ery m n ought to li9e in his o;n ; y, ;ithout restr int == - y, s there is not sense enough left mong them, to be discomposed by the nuis nce + h 9e mentioned, they m y, for ught + c re, ; llo; in the mire of their o;n pollution7 ! comp nion ble m n ;ill, undoubtedly put up ;ith m ny incon9eniences for the s ke of enjoying gree ble society7 ! f cetious friend of mine used to s y, the ;ine could not be b d, ;here the comp ny ; s gree ble< m xim ;hich, ho;e9er, ought to be t ken cum gr no s lis? but ;h t is the society of 3ondon, th t + should be tempted, for its s ke, to mortify my senses, nd compound ;ith such uncle nness s my soul bhorsC !ll the people + see, re too much engrossed by schemes of interest or mbition, to h 9e ny room left for sentiment or friendship7 E9en in some of my old c>u int nce, those schemes nd pursuits h 9e obliter ted ll tr ces of our former connexion == Con9ers tion is reduced to p rty disputes, nd illiber l lterc tion == Soci l commerce, to form l 9isits nd c rd=pl ying == +f you pick up di9erting origin l by ccident, it m y be d ngerous to muse yourself ;ith his oddities == He is gener lly t rt r t bottom< sh rper, spy, or lun tic7 E9ery person you de l ;ith ende 9ours to

o9erre ch you in the ; y of business< you re preyed upon by idle mendic nts, ;ho beg in the phr se of borro;ing, nd li9e upon the spoils of the str nger == 2our tr desmen re ;ithout conscience, your friends ;ithout ffection, nd your dependents ;ithout fidelity7 == 0y letter ;ould s;ell into tre tise, ;ere + to p rticul riDe e9ery c use of offence th t fills up the me sure of my 9ersion to this, nd e9ery other cro;ded city == Th nk He 9enG + m not so f r sucked into the 9ortex, but th t + c n diseng ge myself ;ithout ny gre t effort of philosophy == .rom this ;ild upro r of kn 9ery, folly, nd impertinence, + sh ll fly ;ith double relish to the serenity of retirement, the cordi l effusions of unreser9ed friendship, the hospit lity nd protection of the rur l gods< in ;ord, the jucund obli9i 6it e, ;hich Hor ce himself h d not t ste enough to enjoy7 == + h 9e greed for good tr 9elling=co ch nd four, t guine d y, for three months cert in< nd next ;eek ;e intend to begin our journey to the -orth, hoping still to be ;ith you by the l tter end of ,ctober == + sh ll continue to ;rite from e9ery st ge ;here ;e m ke ny consider ble h lt, s often s nything occurs, ;hich + think c n fford you the le st musement7 +n the me n time, + must beg you ;ill superintend the oeconomy of 5 rns, ;ith respect to my h y nd corn h r9ests< ssured th t my ground produces nothing but ;h t you m y freely c ll your o;n == ,n ny other terms + should be sh med to subscribe myself 2our un9 ri ble friend, 0!TT7 51!053E 3,-*,-, @une I7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, +n my l st, + mentioned my h 9ing spent n e9ening ;ith society of uthors, ;ho seemed to be je lous nd fr id of one nother7 0y uncle ; s not t ll surprised to he r me s y + ; s dis ppointed in their con9ers tion7 '! m n m y be 9ery entert ining nd instructi9e upon p per Es id heF, nd exceedingly dull in common discourse7 + h 9e obser9ed, th t those ;ho shine most in pri9 te comp ny, re but second ry st rs in the constell tion of genius == ! sm ll stock of ide s is more e sily m n ged, nd sooner displ yed, th n gre t >u ntity cro;ded together7 There is 9ery seldom ny thing extr ordin ry in the ppe r nce nd ddress of good ;riter< ;here s dull uthor gener lly distinguishes himself by some oddity or extr 9 g nce7

.or this re son, + f ncy, th t n ssembly of Grubs must be 9ery di9erting7' 0y curiosity being excited by this hint, + consulted my friend *ick +9y, ;ho undertook to gr tify it the 9ery next d y, ;hich ; s Sund y l st7 He c rried me to dine ;ith S==, ;hom you nd + h 9e long kno;n by his ;ritings7 == He li9es in the skirts of the to;n, nd e9ery Sund y his house is opened to ll unfortun te brothers of the >uill, ;hom he tre ts ;ith beef, pudding, nd pot toes, port, punch, nd C l9ert's entire butt beer7 He h s fixed upon the first d y of the ;eek for the exercise of his hospit lity, bec use some of his guests could not enjoy it on ny other, for re sons th t + need not expl in7 + ; s ci9illy recei9ed in pl in, yet decent h bit tion, ;hich opened b ck; rds into 9ery ple s nt g rden, kept in excellent order< nd, indeed, + s ; none of the out; rd signs of uthorship, either in the house or the l ndlord, ;ho is one of those fe; ;riters of the ge th t st nd upon their o;n found tion, ;ithout p tron ge, nd bo9e dependence7 +f there ; s nothing ch r cteristic in the entert iner, the comp ny m de mple mends for his ; nt of singul rity7 !t t;o in the fternoon, + found myself one of ten messm tes se ted t t ble< nd, + >uestion, if the ;hole kingdom could produce such nother ssembl ge of origin ls7 !mong their peculi rities, + do not mention those of dress, ;hich m y be purely ccident l7 Ah t struck me ;ere oddities origin lly produced by ffect tion, nd fter; rds confirmed by h bit7 ,ne of them ;ore spect cles t dinner, nd nother his h t fl pped< though E s +9y told meF the first ; s noted for h 9ing se m n's eye, ;hen b iliff ; s in the ;ind< nd the other ; s ne9er kno;n to l bour under ny ;e kness or defect of 9ision, except bout fi9e ye rs go, ;hen he ; s complimented ;ith couple of bl ck eyes by pl yer, ;ith ;hom he h d >u rrelled in his drink7 ! third ;ore l ced stocking, nd m de use of crutches, bec use, once in his life, he h d been l id up ;ith broken leg, though no m n could le p o9er stick ;ith more gility7 ! fourth h d contr cted such n ntip thy to the country, th t he insisted upon sitting ;ith his b ck to; rds the ;indo; th t looked into the g rden, nd ;hen dish of c uliflo;er ; s set upon the t ble, he snuffed up 9ol tile s lts to keep him from f inting< yet this delic te person ; s the son of cott ger, born under hedge, nd h d m ny ye rs run ;ild mong sses on common7 ! fifth ffected distr ction7 Ahen spoke to, he l; ys ns;ered from the purpose sometimes he suddenly st rted up, nd r pped out dre dful o th sometimes he burst out =l ughing == then he folded his rms, nd sighed nd then, he hissed like fifty serpents7 !t first + re lly thought he ; s m d, nd, s he s t ne r me, beg n to be under some pprehensions for my o;n s fety, ;hen our l ndlord, percei9ing me l rmed, ssured me loud th t + h d

nothing to fe r7 'The gentlem n Es id heF is trying to ct p rt for ;hich he is by no me ns >u lified == if he h d ll the inclin tion in the ;orld, it is not in his po;er to be m d7 His spirits re too fl t to be kindled into frenDy7' ''Tis no b d p=p=puff, ho;e9er Eobser9ed person in t rnished l ced co tF? ff=ffected in=m dness ;=;ill p=p ss for ;=;it ;=;ith nine=ninet=teen out of t=t;enty7' == '!nd ffected stuttering for humour? replied our l ndlord, tho', God kno;s, there is n ffinity bet;ixt them7' +t seems, this ; g, fter h 9ing m de some borti9e ttempts in pl in spe king, h d recourse to this defect, by me ns of ;hich he fre>uently extorted the l ugh of the comp ny, ;ithout the le st expence of genius< nd th t imperfection, ;hich he h d t first counterfeited, ; s no; become so h bitu l, th t he could not l y it side7 ! cert in ;inking genius, ;ho ;ore yello; glo9es t dinner, h d, on his first introduction, t ken such offence t S==, bec use he looked nd t lked, nd te nd dr nk like ny other m n, th t he spoke contemptuously of his underst nding e9er fter, nd ne9er ;ould repe t his 9isit, until he h d exhibited the follo;ing proof of his c price7 A t Ay9il, the poet, h 9ing m de some unsuccessful d9 nces to; rds n intim cy ;ith S==, t l st g 9e him to underst nd, by third person, th t he h d ;ritten poem in his pr ise, nd s tire g inst his person< th t if he ;ould dmit him to his house, the first should be immedi tely sent to press< but th t if he persisted in declining his friendship, he ;ould publish his s tire ;ithout del y7 S== replied, th t he looked upon Ay9il's p negyrick, s in effect, species of inf my, nd ;ould resent it ccordingly ;ith good cudgel< but if he published the s tire, he might deser9e his comp ssion, nd h d nothing to fe r from his re9enge7 Ay9il h 9ing considered the ltern ti9e, resol9ed to mortify S== by printing the p negyrick, for ;hich he recei9ed sound drubbing7 Then he s;ore the pe ce g inst the ggressor, ;ho, in order to 9oid prosecution t l ;, dmitted him to his good gr ces7 +t ; s the singul rity in S=='s conduct, on this occ sion, th t reconciled him to the yello;=glo9ed philosopher, ;ho o;ned he h d some genius, nd from th t period culti9 ted his c>u int nce7 Curious to kno; upon ;h t subjects the se9er l t lents of my fello;=guests ;ere employed, + pplied to my communic ti9e friend *ick +9y, ;ho g 9e me to underst nd, th t most of them ;ere, or h d been, understr ppers, or journeymen, to more credit ble uthors, for ;hom they tr nsl ted, coll ted, nd compiled, in the business of bookm king< nd th t ll of them h d, t different times, l boured in the ser9ice of our l ndlord, though they h d no; set up for themsel9es in 9 rious dep rtments of liter ture7 -ot only their t lents, but lso their n tions nd di lects ;ere so 9 rious, th t our con9ers tion resembled the confusion of tongues t 5 bel7 Ae h d the +rish brogue, the Scotch ccent, nd foreign idiom, t; nged off by the most discord nt 9ocifer tion<

for, s they ll spoke together, no m n h d ny ch nce to be he rd, unless he could b ;l louder th n his fello;s7 +t must be o;ned, ho;e9er, there ; s nothing ped ntic in their discourse< they c refully 9oided ll le rned dis>uisitions, nd ende 9oured to be f cetious< nor did their ende 9ours l; ys misc rry == some droll rep rtee p ssed, nd much l ughter ; s excited< nd if ny indi9idu l lost his temper so f r s to tr nsgress the bounds of decorum, he ; s effectu lly checked by the m ster of the fe st, ;ho exerted sort of p tern l uthority o9er this irrit ble tribe7 The most le rned philosopher of the ;hole collection, ;ho h d been expelled the uni9ersity for theism, h s m de gre t progress in refut tion of lord 5olingbroke's met physic l ;orks, ;hich is s id to be e>u lly ingenious, nd orthodox< but, in the me n time, he h s been presented to the gr nd jury s public nuis nce, for h 9ing bl sphemed in n le=house on the 3ord's d y7 The Scotchm n gi9es lectures on the pronunci tion of the English l ngu ge, ;hich he is no; publishing by subscription7 The +rishm n is politic l ;riter, nd goes by the n me of my 3ord Pot toe7 He ;rote p mphlet in 9indic tion of minister, hoping his De l ;ould be re; rded ;ith some pl ce or pension< but, finding himself neglected in th t >u rter, he ;hispered bout, th t the p mphlet ; s ;ritten by the minister himself, nd he published n ns;er to his o;n production7 +n this, he ddressed the uthor under the title of your lordship ;ith such solemnity, th t the public s; llo;ed the deceit, nd bought up the ;hole impression7 The ;ise politici ns of the metropolis decl red they ;ere both m sterly perform nces, nd chuckled o9er the flimsy re9eries of n ignor nt g rretteer, s the profound specul tions of 9eter n st tesm n, c>u inted ;ith ll the secrets of the c binet7 The imposture ; s detected in the se>uel, nd our Hiberni n p mphleteer ret ins no p rt of his ssumed import nce, but the b re title of my lord7 nd the upper p rt of the t ble t the pot toe=ordin ry in Shoel ne7 ,pposite to me s t Piedmontese, ;ho h d obliged the public ;ith humorous s tire, intituled, The 5 ll nce of the English Poets, perform nce ;hich e9inced the gre t modesty nd t ste of the uthor, nd, in p rticul r, his intim cy ;ith the eleg ncies of the English l ngu ge7 The s ge, ;ho l boured under the grophobi , or horror of green fields, h d just finished tre tise on pr ctic l griculture, though, in f ct, he h d ne9er seen corn gro;ing in his life, nd ; s so ignor nt of gr in, th t our entert iner, in the f ce of the ;hole comp ny, m de him o;n, th t pl te of hominy ; s the best rice pudding he h d e9er e t7 The stutterer h d lmost finished his tr 9els through Europe nd p rt of !si , ;ithout e9er budging beyond the liberties of the 4ing's 5ench, except in term=time, ;ith tipst ff for his

comp nion< nd s for little Tim Cropd le, the most f cetious member of the ;hole society, he h d h ppily ;ound up the c t strophe of 9irgin tr gedy, from the exhibition of ;hich he promised himself l rge fund of profit nd reput tion7 Tim h d m de shift to li9e m ny ye rs by ;riting no9els, t the r te of fi9e pounds 9olume< but th t br nch of business is no; engrossed by fem le uthors, ;ho publish merely for the prop g tion of 9irtue, ;ith so much e se nd spirit, nd delic cy, nd kno;ledge of the hum n he rt, nd ll in the serene tr n>uillity of high life, th t the re der is not only inch nted by their genius, but reformed by their mor lity7 !fter dinner, ;e djourned into the g rden, ;here, + obser9ed, 0r S== g 9e short sep r te udience to e9ery indi9idu l in sm ll remote filbert ; lk, from ;hence most of them dropt off one fter nother, ;ithout further ceremony< but they ;ere repl ced by fresh recruits of the s me cl n, ;ho c me to m ke n fternoon's 9isit< nd, mong others, spruce bookseller, c lled 5irkin, ;ho rode his o;n gelding, nd m de his ppe r nce in p ir of ne; jemmy boots, ;ith m ssy spurs of pl te7 +t ; s not ;ithout re son, th t this mid;ife of the 0uses used exercise =horseb ck, for he ; s too f t to ; lk =foot, nd he under;ent some s rc sms from Tim Cropd le, on his un;ieldy siDe nd in ptitude for motion7 5irkin, ;ho took umbr ge t this poor uthor's petul nce in presuming to joke upon m n so much richer th n himself, told him, he ; s not so un;ieldy but th t he could mo9e the 0 rsh lse court for ;rit, nd e9en o9ert ke him ;ith it, if he did not 9ery speedily come nd settle ccounts ;ith him, respecting the expence of publishing his l st ode to the king of Prussi , of ;hich he h d sold but three, nd one of them ; s to Ahitfield the methodist7 Tim ffected to recei9e this intim tion ;ith good humour, s ying, he expected in post or t;o, from Potsd m, poem of th nks from his Prussi n m jesty, ;ho kne; 9ery ;ell ho; to p y poets in their o;n coin< but, in the me n time, he proposed, th t 0r 5irkin nd he should run three times round the g rden for bo;l of punch, to be dr nk t !shley's in the e9ening, nd he ;ould run boots g inst stockings7 The bookseller, ;ho 9 lued himself upon his mettle, ; s persu ded to ccept the ch llenge, nd he forth;ith resigned his boots to Cropd le, ;ho, ;hen he h d put them on, ; s no b d represent tion of c pt in Pistol in the pl y7 E9ery thing being djusted, they st rted together ;ith gre t impetuosity, nd, in the second round, 5irkin h d cle rly the d9 nt ge, l rding the le n e rth s he puff'd long7 Cropd le h d no mind to contest the 9ictory further< but, in t;inkling, dis ppe red through the b ck=door of the g rden, ;hich opened into pri9 te l ne, th t h d communic tion ;ith the high ro d7== The spect tors immedi tely beg n to hollo;, 'Stole ; yG' nd 5irkin set off in pursuit of him ;ith gre t e gerness< but he h d not d9 nced t;enty y rds in the l ne, ;hen thorn running into

his foot, sent him hopping b ck into the g rden, ro ring ;ith p in, nd s;e ring ;ith 9ex tion7 Ahen he ; s deli9ered from this nnoy nce by the Scotchm n, ;ho h d been bred to surgery, he looked bout him ;ildly, excl iming, 'Sure, the fello; ;on't be such rogue s to run cle r ; y ;ith my bootsG' ,ur l ndlord, h 9ing reconnoitered the shoes he h d left, ;hich, indeed, h rdly deser9ed th t n me, 'Pr y Es id heF, 0r 5irkin, ; 'n't your boots m de of c lf=skinC' 'C lf=skin or co;=skin Ereplied the otherF +'ll find slip of sheep=skin th t ;ill do his business == + lost t;enty pounds by his f rce ;hich you persu ded me to buy == + m out of pocket fi9e pounds by his d mn'd ode< nd no; this p ir of boots, br n ne;, cost me thirty shillings, s per receipt == 5ut this ff ir of the boots is felony == tr nsport tion7 == +'ll h 9e the dog indicted t the ,ld 5 iley == + ;ill, 0r S== + ;ill be re9eng'd, e9en though + should lose my debt in conse>uence of his con9iction7' 0r S== s id nothing t present, but ccommod ted him ;ith p ir of shoes< then ordered his ser9 nt to rub him do;n, nd comfort him ;ith gl ss of rum=punch, ;hich seemed, in gre t me sure, to cool the r ge of his indign tion7 '!fter ll Es id our l ndlordF this is no more th n humbug in the ; y of ;it, though it deser9es more respect ble epithet, ;hen considered s n effort of in9ention7 Tim, being E+ supposeF out of credit ;ith the cord; iner, fell upon this ingenious expedient to supply the ; nt of shoes, kno;ing th t 0r 5irkin, ;ho lo9es humour, ;ould himself relish the joke upon little recollection7 Cropd le liter lly li9es by his ;it, ;hich he h s exercised upon ll his friends in their turns7 He once borro;ed my poney for fi9e or six d ys to go to S lisbury, nd sold him in Smithfield t his return7 This ; s joke of such serious n ture, th t, in the first tr nsports of my p ssion, + h d some thoughts of prosecuting him for horse=ste ling< nd e9en ;hen my resentment h d in some me sure subsided, s he industriously 9oided me, + 9o;ed, + ;ould t ke s tisf ction on his ribs ;ith the first opportunity7 ,ne d y, seeing him t some dist nce in the street, coming to; rds me, + beg n to prep re my c ne for ction, nd ; lked in the sh do; of porter, th t he might not percei9e me soon enough to m ke his esc pe< but, in the 9ery inst nt + h d lifted up the instrument of correction, + found Tim Cropd le met morphosed into miser ble blind ;retch, feeling his ; y ;ith long stick from post to post, nd rolling bout t;o b ld unlighted orbs inste d of eyes7 + ; s exceedingly shocked t h 9ing so n rro;ly esc ped the concern nd disgr ce th t ;ould h 9e ttended such mis pplic tion of 9enge nce? but, next d y, Tim pre9 iled upon friend of mine to come nd solicit my forgi9eness, nd offer his note, p y ble in six ;eeks, for the price of the poney7 This gentlem n g 9e me to underst nd, th t the blind m n ; s no other th n Cropd le, ;ho h 9ing seen me d9 ncing, nd guessing my intent, h d immedi tely con9erted himself into the object fores id == + ; s so di9erted t the

ingenuity of the e9 sion, th t + greed to p rdon his offence, refusing his note, ho;e9er, th t + might keep prosecution for felony h nging o9er his he d, s security for his future good beh 9iour == 5ut Timothy ;ould by no me ns trust himself in my h nds till the note ; s ccepted == then he m de his ppe r nce t my door s blind begg r, nd imposed in such m nner upon my m n, ;ho h d been his old c>u int nce nd pot=comp nion, th t the fello; thre; the door in his f ce, nd e9en thre tened to gi9e him the b stin do7 He ring noise in the h ll, + ;ent thither, nd immedi tely recollecting the figure + h d p ssed in the street, ccosted him by his o;n n me, to the unspe k ble stonishment of the footm n7' 5irkin decl red he lo9ed joke s ;ell s nother< but sked if ny of the comp ny could tell ;here 0r Cropd le lodged, th t he might send him propos l bout restitution, before the boots should be m de ; y ;ith7 '+ ;ould ;illingly gi9e him p ir of ne; shoes Es id heF, nd h lf guine into the b rg in' for the boots, ;hich fitted me like glo9e< nd + sh n't be ble to get the fello;s of them 'till the good ;e ther for riding is o9er7 The stuttering ;it decl red, th t the only secret ;hich Cropd le e9er kept, ; s the pl ce of his lodgings< but he belie9ed, th t, during the he ts of summer, he commonly took his repose upon bulk, or indulged himself, in fresco, ;ith one of the kennel=nymphs, under the portico of St 0 rtin's church7 'Pox on himG Ecried the booksellerF he might s ;ell h 9e t ken my ;hip nd spurs7 +n th t c se, he might h 9e been tempted to ste l nother horse, nd then he ;ould h 9e rid to the de9il of course7' !fter coffee, + took my le 9e of 0r S==, ;ith proper ckno;ledgments of his ci9ility, nd ; s extremely ;ell ple sed ;ith the entert inment of the d y, though not yet s tisfied, ;ith respect to the n ture of this connexion, bet;ixt m n of ch r cter in the liter ry ;orld, nd p rcel of uthorlings, ;ho, in ll prob bility, ;ould ne9er be ble to c>uire ny degree of reput tion by their l bours7 ,n this he d + interrog ted my conductor, *ick +9y, ;ho ns;ered me to this effect == ',ne ;ould im gine S== h d some 9ie; to his o;n interest, in gi9ing counten nce nd ssist nce to those people, ;hom he kno;s to be b d men, s ;ell s b d ;riters< but, if he h s ny such 9ie;, he ;ill find himself dis ppointed< for if he is so 9 in s to im gine he c n m ke them, subser9ient to his schemes of profit or mbition, they re cunning enough to m ke him their property in the me n time7 There is not one of the comp ny you h 9e seen to=d y Emyself exceptedF ;ho does not o;e him p rticul r oblig tions == ,ne of them he b iled out of spunging=house, nd fter; rds p id the debt == nother he tr nsl ted into his f mily, nd clothed, ;hen he ; s turned out h lf n ked from j il in conse>uence of n ct for the relief of insol9ent debtors == third, ;ho ; s reduced to ;oollen night c p, nd li9ed upon sheeps trotters, up three p ir of st irs b ck; rd in

5utcher=ro;, he took into present p y nd free >u rters, nd en bled him to ppe r s gentlem n, ;ithout h 9ing the fe r of sheriff's officers before his eyes7 Those ;ho re in distress he supplies ;ith money ;hen he h s it, nd ;ith his credit ;hen he is out of c sh7 Ahen they ; nt business, he either finds employment for them in his o;n ser9ice, or recommends them to booksellers to execute some project he h s formed for their subsistence7 They re l; ys ;elcome to his t ble E;hich though pl in, is plentifulF nd to his good offices s f r s they ;ill go, nd ;hen they see ,cc sion, they m ke use of his n me ;ith the most petul nt f mili rity< n y, they do not e9en scruple to rrog te to themsel9es the merit of some of his perform nces, nd h 9e been kno;n to sell their o;n lucubr tions s the produce of his br in7 The Scotchm n you s ; t dinner once person ted him t n lehouse in Aest=Smithfield nd, in the ch r cter of S==, h d his he d broke by co;=keeper, for h 9ing spoke disrespectfully of the Christi n religion< but he took the l ; of him in his o;n person, nd the ss il nt ; s f in to gi9e him ten pounds to ;ithdr ; his ction7' + obser9ed, th t ll this ppe r nce of liber lity on the side of 0r S== ; s e sily ccounted for, on the supposition th t they fl ttered him in pri9 te, nd eng ged his d9ers ries in public< nd yet + ; s stonished, ;hen + recollected th t + often h d seen this ;riter 9irulently bused in p pers, poems, nd p mphlets, nd not pen ; s dr ;n in his defence '5ut you ;ill be more stonished Es id heF ;hen + ssure you, those 9ery guests ;hom you s ; t his t ble to=d y, ;ere the uthors of gre t p rt of th t buse< nd he himself is ;ell ; re of their p rticul r f 9ours, for they re ll e ger to detect nd betr y one nother7' '5ut this is doing the de9il's ;ork for nothing Ecried +F7 Ah t should induce them to re9ile their benef ctor ;ithout pro9oc tionC' 'En9y E ns;ered *ickF is the gener l incitement< but they re g lled by n ddition l scourge of pro9oc tion7 S== directs liter ry journ l, in ;hich their productions re necess rily brought to tri l< nd though m ny of them h 9e been tre ted ;ith such lenity nd f 9our s they little deser9ed, yet the slightest censure, such s, perh ps, could not be 9oided ;ith ny pretensions to c ndour nd imp rti lity, h s r nkled in the he rts of those uthors to such degree, th t they h 9e t ken immedi te 9enge nce on the critic in nonymous libels, letters, nd l mpoons7 +ndeed, ll the ;riters of the ge, good, b d, nd indifferent, from the moment he ssumed this office, bec me his enemies, either professed or in petto, except those of his friends ;ho kne; they h d nothing to fe r from his strictures< nd he must be ;iser m n th n me ;ho c n tell ;h t d9 nt ge or s tisf ction he deri9es from h 9ing brought such nest of hornets bout his e rs7' + o;ned, th t ; s point ;hich might deser9e consider tion< but still + expressed desire to kno; his re l moti9es for

continuing his friendship to set of r sc ls e>u lly ungr teful nd insignific nt7 == He s id, he did not pretend to ssign ny re son ble moti9e< th t, if the truth must be told, the m n ; s, in point of conduct, most incorrigible fool< th t, though he pretended to h 9e kn ck t hitting off ch r cters, he blundered str ngely in the distribution of his f 9ours, ;hich ;ere gener lly besto;ed on the most undeser9ing of those ;ho h d recourse to his ssist nce< th t, indeed, this preference ; s not so much o;ing to ; nt of discernment s to ; nt of resolution, for he h d not fortitude enough to resist the importunity e9en of the most ;orthless< nd, s he did not kno; the 9 lue of money, there ; s 9ery little merit in p rting ;ith it so e sily< th t his pride ; s gr tified in seeing himself courted by such number of liter ry dependents< th t, prob bly, he delighted in he ring them expose nd tr duce one nother< nd, fin lly, from their inform tion, he bec me c>u inted ;ith ll the tr ns ctions of Grubstreet, ;hich he h d some thoughts of compiling for the entert inment of the public7 + could not help suspecting, from *ick's discourse, th t he h d some p rticul r grudge g inst S==, upon ;hose conduct he h d put the ;orst construction it ;ould be r< nd, by dint of cross=ex min tion, + found he ; s not t ll s tisfied ;ith the ch r cter ;hich h d been gi9en in the 1e9ie; of his l st perform nce, though it h d been tre ted ci9illy in conse>uence of the uthor's pplic tion to the critic7 5y ll ccounts, S== is not ;ithout ;e kness nd c price< but he is cert inly good=humoured nd ci9iliDed< nor do + find th t there is ny thing o9erbe ring, cruel, or impl c ble in his disposition7 + h 9e d;elt so long upon uthors, th t you ;ill perh ps suspect + intend to enroll myself mong the fr ternity< but, if + ;ere ctu lly >u lified for the profession, it is t best but desper te resource g inst st r9ing, s it ffords no pro9ision for old ge nd infirmity7 S lmon, t the ge of fourscore, is no; in g rret, compiling m tter, t guine sheet, for modern histori n, ;ho, in point of ge, might be his gr ndchild< nd Ps lmon D r, fter h 9ing drudged h lf century in the liter ry mill, in ll the simplicity nd bstinence of n !si tic, subsists upon the ch rity of fe; booksellers, just sufficient to keep him from the p rish, + think Guy, ;ho ; s himself bookseller, ought to h 9e ppropri ted one ;ing or ; rd of his hospit l to the use of dec yed uthors< though indeed, there is neither hospit l, college, nor ;orkhouse, ;ithin the bills of mort lity, l rge enough to cont in the poor of this society, composed, s it is, from the refuse of e9ery other profession7 + kno; not ;hether you ;ill find ny musement in this ccount of n odd r ce of mort ls, ;hose constitution h d, + o;n, gre tly interested the curiosity of

2ours, @7 0E3.,1* 3,-*,-, @une &#7

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7 02 *E!1 3ETT2, There is something on my spirits, ;hich + should not 9enture to communic te by the post, but h 9ing the opportunity of 0rs 5rent;ood's return, + seiDe it e gerly, to disburthen my poor he rt, ;hich is oppressed ;ith fe r nd 9ex tion7 == , 3ettyG ;h t miser ble situ tion it is, to be ;ithout friend to ;hom one c n pply for counsel nd consol tion in distressG + hinted in my l st, th t one 0r 5 rton h d been 9ery p rticul r in his ci9ilities? + c n no longer mist ke his me ning == he h s form lly professed himself my dmirer< nd, fter thous nd ssiduities, percei9ing + m de but cold return to his ddresses, he h d recourse to the medi tion of l dy Griskin, ;ho h s cted the p rt of 9ery ; rm d9oc te in his beh lf? == but, my de r Aillis, her l dyship o9er cts her p rt == she not only exp ti tes on the mple fortune, the gre t connexions, nd the unblemished ch r cter of 0r 5 rton, but she t kes the trouble to c techise me< nd, t;o d ys go, peremptorily told me, th t girl of my ge could not possibly resist so m ny consider tions, if her he rt ; s not pre=eng ged7 This insinu tion thre; me into such flutter, th t she could not but obser9e my disorder< nd, presuming upon the disco9ery, insisted upon my m king her the confid nte of my p ssion7 5ut, lthough + h d not such comm nd of myself s to conce l the emotion of my he rt, + m not such child s to disclose its secret to person ;ho ;ould cert inly use them to its prejudice7 + told her, it ; s no ;onder if + ; s out of counten nce t her introducing subject of con9ers tion so unsuit ble to my ye rs nd inexperience< th t + belie9ed 0r 5 rton ; s 9ery ;orthy gentlem n, nd + ; s much obliged to him for his good opinion< but the ffections ;ere in9olunt ry, nd mine, in p rticul r, h d s yet m de no concessions in his f 9our7 She shook her he d ;ith n ir of distrust th t m de me tremble< nd obser9ed, th t if my ffections ;ere free, they ;ould submit to the decision of prudence, especi lly ;hen enforced by the uthority of those ;ho h d right to direct my conduct7 This rem rk implied design to interest my uncle or my unt, perh ps my brother, in beh lf of 0r 5 rton's p ssion< nd + m s dly fr id th t my unt is lre dy g ined o9er7 2esterd y in the forenoon, he h d been ; lking ;ith us in the P rk, nd stopping in our return t toy=shop, he presented her ;ith 9ery fine snuff=box, nd me ;ith gold

etuis, ;hich + resolutely refused, till she comm nded me to ccept it on p in of her disple sure? ne9ertheless, being still uns tisfied ;ith respect to the propriety of recei9ing this toy, + signified my doubts to my brother, ;ho s id he ;ould consult my uncle on the subject, nd seemed to think 0r 5 rton h d been r ther prem ture in his presents7 Ah t ;ill be the result of this consult tion, He 9en kno;s< but + m fr id it ;ill produce n expl n tion ;ith 0r 5 rton, ;ho ;ill, no doubt, 9o; his p ssion, nd solicit their consent to connexion ;hich my soul bhors< for, my de rest 3etty, it is not in my po;er to lo9e 0r 5 rton, e9en if my he rt ; s untouched by ny other tenderness7 -ot th t there is ny thing dis gree ble bout his person, but there is tot l ; nt of th t n meless ch rm ;hich c pti9 tes nd controuls the inch nted spirit t le st, he ppe rs to me to h 9e this defect< but if he h d ll the eng ging >u lific tions ;hich m n c n possess, they ;ould be excited in 9 in g inst th t const ncy, ;hich, + fl tter myself, is the ch r cteristic of my n ture7 -o, my de r Aillis, + m y be in9ol9ed in fresh troubles, nd + belie9e + sh ll, from the importunities of this gentlem n nd the 9iolence of my rel tions< but my he rt is inc p ble of ch nge7 2ou kno; + put no f ith in dre ms< nd yet + h 9e been much disturbed by one th t 9isited me l st night7 == + thought + ; s in church, ;here cert in person, ;hom you kno;, ; s on the point of being m rried to my unt< th t the clergym n ; s 0r 5 rton, nd th t poor forlorn +, stood ;eeping in corner, h lf n ked, nd ;ithout shoes or stockings7 == -o;, + kno; there is nothing so childish s to be mo9ed by those 9 in illusions< but, ne9ertheless, in spite of ll my re son, this h th m de strong impression upon my mind, ;hich begins to be 9ery gloomy7 +ndeed, + h 9e nother more subst nti l c use of ffliction == + h 9e some religious scruples, my de r friend, ;hich lie he 9y on my conscience7 == + ; s persu ded to go to the T bern cle, ;here + he rd discourse th t ffected me deeply7 == + h 9e pr yed fer9ently to be enlightened, but s yet + m not sensible of these in; rd motions, those oper tions of gr ce, ;hich re the signs of regener ted spirit< nd therefore + begin to be in terrible pprehensions bout the st te of my poor soul7 Some of our f mily h 9e h d 9ery uncommon ccessions, p rticul rly my unt nd 0rs @enkins, ;ho sometimes spe k s if they ;ere re lly inspired< so th t + m not like to ; nt for either exhort tion or ex mple, to purify my thoughts, nd rec ll them from the 9 nities of this ;orld, ;hich, indeed, + ;ould ;illingly resign, if it ; s in my po;er< but to m ke this s crifice, + must be en bled by such ssist nce from bo9e s h th not yet been indulged to 2our unfortun te friend, 32*+! 0E3.,1* @une &#7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, The moment + recei9ed your letter, + beg n to execute your commission == Aith the ssist nce of mine host t the 5ull nd G te, + disco9ered the pl ce to ;hich your fugiti9e 9 let h d retre ted, nd t xed him ;ith his dishonesty == The fello; ; s in m nifest confusion t sight of me, but he denied the ch rge ;ith gre t confidence, till + told him, th t if he ;ould gi9e up the ; tch, ;hich ; s f mily piece, he might keep the money nd the clothes, nd go to the de9il his o;n ; y, t his leisure< but if he rejected this propos l, + ;ould deli9er him forth;ith to the const ble, ;hom + h d pro9ided for th t purpose, nd he ;ould c rry him before the justice ;ithout further del y7 !fter some hesit tion, he desired to spe k ;ith me in the next room, ;here he produced the ; tch, ;ith ll its ppend ges, nd + h 9e deli9ered it to our l ndlord, to be sent you by the first s fe con9ey nce7 So much for business7 + sh ll gro; 9 in, upon your s ying you find entert inment in my letters< b rren, s they cert inly re, of incident nd import nce, bec use your musement must rise, not from the m tter, but from the m nner, ;hich you kno; is ll my o;n == !nim ted, therefore, by the pprob tion of person, ;hose nice t ste nd consumm te judgment + c n no longer doubt, + ;ill che rfully proceed ;ith our memoirs == !s it is determined ;e sh ll set out next ;eek for 2orkshire, + ;ent to=d y in the forenoon ;ith my uncle to see c rri ge, belonging to co chm ker in our neighbourhood == Turning do;n n rro; l ne, behind 3ong cre, ;e percei9ed cro;d of people st nding t door< ;hich, it seems, opened into kind of methodist meeting, nd ;ere informed, th t footm n ; s then holding forth to the congreg tion ;ithin7 Curious to see this phoenomenon, ;e s>ueeDed into the pl ce ;ith much difficulty< nd ;ho should this pre cher be, but the identic l Humphry Clinker7 He h d finished his sermon, nd gi9en out ps lm, the first st 9e of ;hich he sung ;ith peculi r gr ces == 5ut if ;e ;ere stonished to see Clinker in the pulpit, ;e ;ere ltogether confounded t finding ll the fem les of our f mily mong the udience == There ; s l dy Griskin, 0rs T bith 5r mble, 0rs Ainifred @enkins, my sister 3iddy, nd 0r 5 rton, nd ll of them joined in the ps lmody, ;ith strong m rks of de9otion7 + could h rdly keep my gr 9ity on this ludicrous occ sion< but

old S>u re=toes ; s differently ffected == The first thing th t struck him, ; s the presumption of his l c>uey, ;hom he comm nded to come do;n, ;ith such n ir of uthority s Humphry did not think proper to disreg rd7 He descended immedi tely, nd ll the people ;ere in commotion7 5 rton looked exceedingly sheepish, l dy Griskin flirted her f n, 0rs T bby gro ned in spirit, 3iddy ch nged counten nce, nd 0rs @enkins sobbed s if her he rt ; s bre king == 0y uncle, ;ith sneer, sked p rdon of the l dies, for h 9ing interrupted their de9otion, s ying, he h d p rticul r business ;ith the pre cher, ;hom he ordered to c ll h ckney=co ch7 This being immedi tely brought up to the end of the l ne, he h nded 3iddy into it, nd my unt nd + follo;ing him, ;e dro9e home, ;ithout t king ny further notice of the rest of the comp ny, ;ho still rem ined in silent stonishment7 0r 5r mble, percei9ing 3iddy in gre t trepid tion, ssumed milder spect, bidding her be under no concern, for he ; s not t ll disple sed t ny thing she h d done == '+ h 9e no objection Es id heF to your being religiously inclined< but + don't think my ser9 nt is proper ghostly director for de9otee of your sex nd ch r cter == if, in f ct E s + r ther belie9eF your unt is not the sole conductress of, this m chine' == 0rs T bith m de no ns;er, but thre; up the ;hites of her eyes, s if in the ct of ej cul tion == Poor 3iddy, s id, she h d no right to the title of de9otee< th t she thought there ; s no h rm in he ring pious discourse, e9en if it c me from footm n, especi lly s her unt ; s present< but th t if she h d erred from ignor nce, she hoped he ;ould excuse it, s she could not be r the thoughts of li9ing under his disple sure7 The old gentlem n, pressing her h nd ;ith tender smile, s id she ; s good girl, nd th t he did not belie9e her c p ble of doing ny thing th t could gi9e him the le st umbr ge or disgust7 Ahen ;e rri9ed t our lodgings, he comm nded 0r Clinker to ttend him up st irs, nd spoke to him in these ;ords == 'Since you re c lled upon by the spirit to pre ch nd to te ch, it is high time to l y side the li9ery of n e rthly m ster< nd for my p rt, + m un;orthy to h 9e n postle in my ser9ice' == '+ hope Es id HumphryF + h 9e not f iled in my duty to your honour == + should be 9ile ;retch if + did, considering the misery from ;hich your ch rity nd comp ssion relie9ed me == but h 9ing n in; rd dmonition of the spirit ==' '!n dmonition of the de9il Ecried the s>uire, in p ssionF Ah t dmonition, you blockhe dC Ah t right h s such fello; s you to set up for reformerC' '5egging your honour's p rdon Ereplied ClinkerF m y not the ne; light of God's gr ce shine upon the poor nd the ignor nt in their humility, s ;ell s upon the ;e lthy, nd the philosopher in ll his pride of hum n le rningC' 'Ah t you im gine to be the ne; light of gr ce Es id his m sterF + t ke to be deceitful 9 pour, glimmering through cr ck in your upper story == +n ;ord, 0r Clinker, + ;ill h 9e no light in my f mily but ;h t p ys

the king's t xes, unless it be the light of re son, ;hich you don't pretend to follo;7' '!h, sirG Ecried HumphryF the light of re son, is no more in comp rison to the light + me n, th n f rthing c ndle to the sun t noon' == '6ery true Es id uncleF, the one ;ill ser9e to she; you your ; y, nd the other to d DDle nd confound your ;e k br in7 He rk ye, Clinker, you re either n hypocritic l kn 9e, or ;rong=he ded enthusi st< nd in either c se, unfit for my ser9ice7 +f you re >u ck in s nctity nd de9otion, you ;ill find it n e sy m tter to impose upon silly ;omen, nd others of cr Ded underst nding, ;ho ;ill contribute l 9ishly for your support7 +f you re re lly seduced by the re9eries of disturbed im gin tion, the sooner you lose your senses entirely, the better for yourself nd the community7 +n th t c se, some ch rit ble person might pro9ide you ;ith d rk room nd cle n str ; in 5edl m, ;here it ;ould not be in your po;er to infect others ;ith your f n ticism< ;here s, if you h 9e just reflection enough left to m int in the ch r cter of chosen 9essel in the meetings of the godly, you nd your he rers ;ill be misled by Aill=i'the=;isp, from one error into nother, till you re plunged into religious frenDy< nd then, perh ps, you ;ill h ng yourself in desp ir' 'Ahich the 3ord of his infinite mercy forbidG Eexcl imed the ffrighted ClinkerF +t is 9ery possible + m y be under the tempt tion of the de9il, ;ho ; nts to ;reck me on the rocks of spiritu l pride == 2our honour s ys, + m either kn 9e or m dm n< no;, s +'ll ssure your honour, + m no kn 9e, it follo;s th t + must be m d< therefore, + beseech your honour, upon my knees, to t ke my c se into consider tion, th t me ns m y be used for my reco9ery' The 's>uire could not help smiling t the poor fello;'s simplicity, nd promised to t ke c re of him, pro9ided he ;ould mind the business of his pl ce, ;ithout running fter the ne; light of methodism? but 0rs T bith took offence t his humility, ;hich she interpreted into poorness of spirit nd ;orldly mindedness7 She upbr ided him ;ith the ; nt of cour ge to suffer for conscience s ke == She obser9ed, th t if he should lose his pl ce for be ring testimony to the truth, Pro9idence ;ould not f il to find him nother, perh ps more d9 nt geous< nd, decl ring th t it could not be 9ery gree ble to li9e in f mily ;here n in>uisition ; s est blished, retired to nother room in gre t git tion7 0y uncle follo;ed her ;ith signific nt look, then, turning to the pre cher, '2ou he r ;h t my sister s ys == +f you c nnot li9e ;ith me upon such terms s + h 9e prescribed, the 9iney rd of methodism lies before you, nd she seems 9ery ;ell disposed to re; rd your l bour' == '+ ;ould not ;illingly gi9e offence to ny soul upon e rth E ns;ered HumphryF< her l dyship h s been 9ery good to me, e9er since ;e c me to 3ondon< nd surely she h s

he rt turned for religious exercises< nd both she nd l dy Griskin sing ps lms nd hymns like t;o cherubims == 5ut, t the s me time, +'m bound to lo9e nd obey your honour == +t becometh not such poor ignor nt fello; s me, to hold dispute ;ith gentlemen of r nk nd le rning == !s for the m tter of kno;ledge, + m no more th n be st in comp rison of your honour< therefore + submit< nd, ;ith God's gr ce, + ;ill follo; you to the ;orld's end, if you don't think me too f r gone to be out of confinement'7 His m ster promised to keep him for some time longer on tri l< then desired to kno; in ;h t m nner l dy Griskin nd 0r 5 rton c me to join their religious society, he told him, th t her l dyship ; s the person ;ho first c rried my unt nd sister to the T bern cle, ;hither he ttended them, nd h d his de9otion kindled by 0r A=='s pre ching? th t he ; s confirmed in this ne; ; y, by the pre cher's sermons, ;hich he h d bought nd studied ;ith gre t ttention? th t his discourse nd pr yers h d brought o9er 0rs @enkins nd the house=m id to the s me ; y of thinking< but s for 0r 5 rton, he h d ne9er seen him t ser9ice before this d y, ;hen he c me in comp ny ;ith l dy Griskin7 Humphry, moreo9er, o;ned th t he h d been encour ged to mount the rostrum, by the ex mple nd success of ;e 9er, ;ho ; s much follo;ed s po;erful minister? th t on his first tri l he found himself under such strong impulsions, s m de him belie9e he ; s cert inly mo9ed by the spirit< nd th t he h d ssisted in l dy Griskin's, nd se9er l pri9 te houses, t exercises of de9otion7 0r 5r mble ; s no sooner informed, th t her l dyship h d cted s the primum mobile of this confeder cy, th n he concluded she h d only m de use of Clinker s tool, subser9ient to the execution of some design, to the true secret of ;hich he ; s n utter str nger == He obser9ed, th t her l dyship's br in ; s perfect mill for projects< nd th t she nd T bby h d cert inly eng ged in some secret tre ty, the n ture of ;hich he could not comprehend7 + told him + thought it ; s no difficult m tter to percei9e the drift of 0rs T bith , ;hich ; s to ensn re the he rt of 5 rton, nd th t in ll likelihood my l dy Griskin cted s her uxili ry? th t this supposition ;ould ccount for their ende 9ours to con9ert him to methodism< n e9ent ;hich ;ould occ sion connexion of souls th t might be e sily impro9ed into m trimoni l union7 0y uncle seemed to be much di9erted by the thoughts of this Scheme's succeeding< but + g 9e him to underst nd, th t 5 rton ; s pre=eng ged? th t he h d the d y before m de present of n etuis to 3iddy, ;hich her unt h d obliged her to recei9e, ;ith 9ie;, no doubt, to counten nce her o;n ccepting of snuff=box t the s me time< th t my sister h 9ing m de me c>u inted ;ith this incident, + h d desired n expl n tion of 0r 5 rton, ;ho decl red his intentions ;ere honour ble, nd expressed his hope th t + ;ould h 9e no objections to his lli nce< th t + h d

th nked him for the honour he intended our f mily< but told him, it ;ould be necess ry to consult her uncle nd unt, ;ho ;ere her gu rdi ns< nd their pprob tion being obt ined, + could h 9e no objection to his propos l< though + ; s persu ded th t no 9iolence ;ould be offered to my sister's inclin tions, in tr ns ction th t so ne rly interested the h ppiness of her future life? th t he h d ssured me, he should ne9er think of 9 iling himself of gu rdi n's uthority, unless he could render his ddresses gree ble to the young l dy herself< nd th t he ;ould immedi tely dem nd permission of 0r nd 0rs 5r mble, to m ke 3iddy tender of his h nd nd fortune7 The s>uire ; s not insensible to the d9 nt ges of such m tch, nd decl red he ;ould promote it ;ith ll his influence< but ;hen + took notice th t there seemed to be n 9ersion on the side of 3iddy, he s id he ;ould sound her on the subject< nd if her reluct nce ; s such s ;ould not be e sily o9ercome, he ;ould ci9illy decline the propos l of 0r 5 rton< for he thought th t, in the choice of husb nd young ;om n ought not to s crifice the feelings of her he rt for ny consider tion upon e rth == '3iddy is not so desper te Es id heF s to ;orship fortune t such n expence7' + t ke it for gr nted, this ;hole ff ir ;ill end in smoke< though there seems to be storm bre;ing in the >u rter of 0rs T bby, ;ho s t ;ith ll the sullen dignity of silence t dinner, seemingly pregn nt ;ith compl int nd expostul tion7 !s she h d cert inly m rked 5 rton for her o;n prey, she c nnot possibly f 9our his suit to 3iddy< nd therefore + expect something extr ordin ry ;ill ttend his decl ring himself my sister's dmirer7 This decl r tion ;ill cert inly be m de in form, s soon s the lo9er c n pick up resolution enough to st nd the brunt of 0rs T bby's dis ppointment< for he is, ;ithout doubt, ; re of her designs upon his person == The p rticul rs of the denouement you sh ll kno; in due se son? me n ;hile + m !l; ys yours, @7 0E3.,1* 3,-*,-, @une &#7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 3EA+S, The deceitful c lm ; s of short dur tion7 + m plunged g in in se of 9ex tion, nd the compl ints in my stom ch nd bo;els re returned< so th t + suppose + sh ll be dis bled from prosecuting the excursion + h d pl nned == Ah t the de9il h d + to do, to come pl gue hunting ;ith le sh of fem les in my tr inC 2esterd y

my precious sister E;ho, by the bye, h s been for some time professed methodistF c me into my p rtment, ttended by 0r 5 rton, nd desired n udience ;ith 9ery st tely ir == '5rother Es id sheF, this gentlem n h s something to propose, ;hich + fl tter myself ;ill be the more ccept ble, s it ;ill rid you of troublesome comp nion7' Then 0r 5 rton proceeded to this effect == '+ m, indeed, extremely mbitious of being llied to your f mily, 0r 5r mble, nd + hope you ;ill see no c use to interpose your uthority7' '!s for uthority Es id T bby, interrupting him ;ith some ; rmthF, + kno; of none th t he h s right to use on this occ sion == +f + p y him the compliment of m king him c>u inted ;ith the step + intend to t ke, it is ll he c n expect in re son == This is s much s + belie9e he ;ould do by me, if he intended to ch nge his o;n situ tion in life == +n ;ord, brother, + m so sensible of 0r 5 rton's extr ordin ry merit, th t + h 9e been pre9 iled upon to lter my resolution of li9ing single life, nd to put my h ppiness in his h nds, by 9esting him ;ith leg l title to my person nd fortune, such s they re7 The business t present, is to h 9e the ;ritings dr ;n< nd + sh ll be obliged to you, if you ;ill recommend l ;yer to me for th t purpose' 2ou m y guess ;h t n effect this o9erture h d upon me< ;ho, from the inform tion of my nephe;, expected th t 5 rton ; s to m ke form l decl r tion of his p ssion for 3iddy< + could not help g Ding in silent stonishment, ltern tely t T bby, nd her supposed dmirer, ;ho l st hung his he d in the most uk; rd confusion for fe; minutes, nd then retired on pretence of being suddenly seiDed ;ith 9ertigo == 0rs T bith ffected much concern, nd ;ould h 9e h d him m ke use of bed in the house< but he insisted upon going home, th t he might h 9e recourse of some drops, ;hich he kept for such emergencies, nd his inn mor t c>uiesced == +n the me n time + ; s exceedingly puDDled t this d9enture Ethough + suspected the truthF nd did not kno; in ;h t m nner to deme n myself to; rds 0rs T bith , ;hen @ery c me in nd told me, he h d just seen 0r 5 rton light from his ch riot t l dy Griskin's door == This incident seemed to thre ten 9isit from her l dyship, ;ith ;hich ;e ;ere honoured ccordingly, in less th n h lf n hour == '+ find Es id sheF there h s been m tch of cross purposes mong you good folks< nd +'m come to set you to rights' == So s ying, she presented me ;ith the follo;ing billet '*E!1 S+1, + no sooner recollected myself from the extreme confusion + ; s thro;n into, by th t unlucky mist ke of your sister, th n + thought it my duty to ssure you, th t my de9oirs to 0rs 5r mble ne9er exceeded the bounds of ordin ry ci9ility< nd th t my he rt is un lter bly fixed upon 0iss 3iddy 0elford, s + h d the honour to decl re to her brother, ;hen he >uestioned me upon th t

subject == 3 dy Griskin h s been so good s to ch rge herself, not only ;ith the deli9ery of this note, but lso ;ith the t sk of undecei9ing 0rs 5r mble, for ;hom + h 9e the most profound respect nd 9ener tion, though my ffection being other;ise eng ged is no longer in the po;er of Sir, 2our 9ery humble ser9 nt, 1!3PH 5!1T,-7' H 9ing c st my eyes o9er this billet, + told her l dyship, th t + ;ould no longer ret rd the friendly office she h d undert ken? nd + nd @ery forth;ith retired into nother room7 There ;e soon percei9ed the con9ers tion gro; 9ery ; rm bet;ixt the t;o l dies< nd, t length, could distinctly he r cert in terms of lterc tion, ;hich ;e could no longer del y interrupting, ;ith ny reg rd to decorum7 Ahen ;e entered the scene of contention, ;e found 3iddy h d joined the disput nts, nd stood trembling bet;ixt them, s if she h d been fr id they ;ould h 9e proceeded to something more pr ctic l th n ;ords7 3 dy Griskin's f ce ; s like the full moon in storm of ;ind, gl ring, fiery, nd portentous< ;hile T bby looked grim nd gh stly, ;ith n spect bre thing discord nd dism y7 == ,ur ppe r nce put stop to their mutu l re9ilings< but her l dyship turning to me, 'Cousin Es id sheF + c n't help s ying + h 9e met ;ith 9ery ungr teful return from this l dy, for the p ins + h 9e t ken to ser9e her f mily' == '0y f mily is much obliged to your l dyship Ecried T bby, ;ith kind of hysteric l giggleF< but ;e h 9e no right to the good offices of such n honour ble go=bet;een7' '5ut, for ll th t, good 0rs T bith 5r mble Eresumed the otherF, + sh ll be content ;ith the reflection, Th t 9irtue is its o;n re; rd< nd it sh ll not be my f ult, if you continue to m ke yourself ridiculous == 0r 5r mble, ;ho h s no little interest of his o;n to ser9e, ;ill, no doubt, contribute ll in his po;er to promote m tch bet;ixt 0r 5 rton nd his niece, ;hich ;ill be e>u lly honour ble nd d9 nt geous< nd, + d re s y, 0iss 3iddy herself ;ill h 9e no objection to me sure so ;ell c lcul ted to m ke her h ppy in life' == '+ beg your l dyship's p rdon Eexcl imed 3iddy, ;ith gre t 9i9 cityF + h 9e nothing but misery to expect from such me sure< nd + hope my gu rdi ns ;ill h 9e too much comp ssion, to b rter my pe ce of mind for ny consider tion of interest or fortune' == '/pon my ;ord, 0iss 3iddyG Es id sheF you h 9e profited by the ex mple of your good unt == + comprehend your me ning, nd ;ill expl in it ;hen + h 9e proper opportunity == +n the me n time, + sh ll t ke my le 9e == 0 d m, your most obedient, nd de9oted humble ser9 nt,' s id she, d9 ncing close up to my sister, nd curtsying so lo;, th t + thought she intended to s>u t herself do;n on the floor == This s lut tion T bby returned ;ith e>u l solemnity< nd the expression of the t;o f ces, ;hile they continued in this ttitude, ;ould be no b d subject for pencil like th t of the incomp r ble Hog rth, if ny such should

e9er ppe r g in, in these times of dullness nd degener cy7 @ery ccomp nied her l dyship to her house, th t he might h 9e n opportunity to restore the etuis to 5 rton, nd d9ise him to gi9e up his suit, ;hich ; s so dis gree ble to his sister, g inst ;hom, ho;e9er, he returned much irrit ted == 3 dy Griskin h d ssured him th t 3iddy's he rt ; s pre=occupied< nd immedi tely the ide of Ailson recurring to his im gin tion, his f mily=pride took the l rm7 He denounced 9enge nce g inst the d9enturer, nd ; s disposed to be 9ery peremptory ;ith his sister< but + desired he ;ould suppress his resentment, until + should h 9e t lked ;ith her in pri9 te7 The poor girl, ;hen + e rnestly pressed her on this he d, o;ned ;ith flood of te rs, th t Ailson h d ctu lly come to the Hot Aell t 5ristol, nd e9en introduced himself into our lodgings s @e; pedl r< but th t nothing h d p ssed bet;ixt them, further th n her begging him to ;ithdr ; immedi tely, if he h d ny reg rd for her pe ce of mind? th t he h d dis ppe red ccordingly, fter h 9ing ttempted to pre9 il upon my sister's m id, to deli9er letter< ;hich, ho;e9er, she refused to recei9e, though she h d consented to c rry mess ge, importing th t he ; s gentlem n of good f mily< nd th t, in 9ery little time, he ;ould 9o; his p ssion in th t ch r cter == She confessed, th t lthough he h d not kept his ;ord in this p rticul r, he ; s not yet ltogether indifferent to her ffection< but solemnly promised, she ;ould ne9er c rry on ny correspondence ;ith him, or ny other dmirer, for the future, ;ithout the pri9ity nd pprob tion of her brother nd me7 5y this decl r tion, she m de her o;n pe ce ;ith @ery< but the hot=he ded boy is more th n e9er incensed g inst Ailson, ;hom he no; considers s n impostor, th t h rbours some inf mous design upon the honour of his f mily == !s for 5 rton he ; s not little mortified to find his present returned, nd his ddresses so unf 9our bly recei9ed< but he is not m n to be deeply ffected by such dis ppointments< nd + kno; not ;hether he is not s ;ell ple sed ;ith being disc rded by 3iddy, s he ;ould h 9e been ;ith permission to prosecute his pretensions, t the ris>ue of being e9ery d y exposed to the re9enge or m chin tions of T bby, ;ho is not to be slighted ;ith impunity7 == + h d not much time to mor liDe on these occurrences< for the house ; s 9isited by const ble nd his g ng, ;ith ; rr nt from @ustice 5uDD rd, to se rch the box of Humphry Clinker, my footm n, == ;ho ; s just pprehended s high; ym n7 This incident thre; the ;hole f mily into confusion7 0y sister scolded the const ble for presuming to enter the lodgings of gentlem n on such n err nd, ;ithout h 9ing first sked, nd obt ined permission< her m id ; s frightened into fits, nd 3iddy shed te rs of comp ssion for the unfortun te Clinker, in ;hose box, ho;e9er, nothing ; s found to confirm the suspicion of robbery7

.or my o;n p rt, + m de no doubt of the fello;'s being mist ken for some other person, nd + ;ent directly to the justice, in order to procure his disch rge< but there + found the m tter much more serious th n + expected == Poor Clinker stood trembling t the b r, surrounded by thief=t kers< nd t little dist nce, thick, s>u t fello;, postilion, his ccuser, ;ho h d seiDed him on the street, nd s;ore positi9ely to his person, th t the s id Clinker h d, on the &Lth d y of 0 rch l st, on 5l ckhe th, robbed gentlem n in post=ch ise, ;hich he Ethe postilionF dro9e == This deposition ; s sufficient to justify his commitment< nd he ; s sent ccordingly to Clerken;ell prison, ;hither @ery ccomp nied him in the co ch, in order to recommend him properly to the keeper, th t he m y ; nt for no con9enience ;hich the pl ce ffords7 The spect tors, ;ho ssembled to see this high; ym n, ;ere s g cious enough to discern something 9ery 9ill inous in his spect< ;hich Ebegging their p rdonF is the 9ery picture of simplicity< nd the justice himself put 9ery unf 9our ble construction upon some of his ns;ers, ;hich, he s id, s 9oured of the mbiguity nd e>ui9oc tion of n old offender< but, in my opinion, it ;ould h 9e been more just nd hum ne to impute them to the confusion into ;hich ;e m y suppose poor country l d to be thro;n on such n occ sion7 + m still persu ded he is innocent< nd, in this persu sion, + c n do no less th n use my utmost ende 9ours th t he m y not be oppressed == + sh ll, to=morro;, send my nephe; to ; it on the gentlem n ;ho ; s robbed, nd beg< he ;ill h 9e the hum nity to go nd see the prisoner< th t, in c se he should find him >uite different from the person of the high; ym n, he m y be r testimony in his beh lf == Ho;soe9er it m y f re ;ith Clinker, this cursed ff ir ;ill be to me producti9e of intoler ble ch grin == + h 9e lre dy c ught dre dful cold, by rushing into the open ir from the justice's p rlour, ;here + h d been ste;ing in the cro;d< nd though + should not be l id up ;ith the gout, s + belie9e + sh ll, + must st y t 3ondon for some ;eeks, till this poor de9il comes to his tri l t 1ochester< so th t, in ll prob bility, my northern expedition is blo;n up7 +f you c n find ny thing in your philosophic l budget, to console me in the midst of these distresses nd pprehensions, pr y let it be communic ted to 2our unfortun te friend, 0!TT7 51!053E 3,-*,-, @une &"7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, of @esus college, ,xon7

*E!1 A!T, The f rce is finished, nd nother piece of gr 9er c st brought upon the st ge7 == ,ur unt m de desper te tt ck upon 5 rton, ;ho h d no other ; y of s 9ing himself, but by le 9ing her in possession of the field, nd 9o;ing his pretensions to 3iddy, by ;hom he h s been rejected in his turn7 == 3 dy Griskin cted s his d9oc te nd gent on this occ sion, ;ith such De l s embroiled her ;ith 0rs T bith , nd high scene of lterc tion p ssed bet;ixt these t;o religionists, ;hich might h 9e come to ction, h d not my uncle interposed7 They re ho;e9er reconciled, in conse>uence of n e9ent ;hich h th in9ol9ed us ll in trouble nd dis>uiet7 2ou must kno;, the poor pre cher, Humphry Clinker, is no; exercising his ministry mong the felons in Clerken;ell prison == ! postilion h 9ing s;orn robbery g inst him, no b il could be t ken, nd he ; s committed to j il, not;ithst nding ll the remonstr nces nd interest my uncle could m ke in his beh lf7 !ll things considered, the poor fello; c nnot possibly be guilty, nd yet, + belie9e, he runs some ris>ue of being h nged7 /pon his ex min tion, he ns;ered ;ith such hesit tion nd reser9e s persu ded most of the people, ;ho cro;ded the pl ce, th t he ; s re lly kn 9e, nd the justice's rem rks confirmed their opinion7 Exclusi9e of my uncle nd myself, there ; s only one person ;ho seemed inclined to f 9our the culprit7 == He ; s young m n, ;ell dressed, nd, from the m nner in ;hich he cross=ex mined the e9idence, ;e took it for gr nted, th t he ; s student in one of the inns of court7 == He freely checked the justice for some unch rit ble inferences he m de to the prejudice of the prisoner, nd e9en 9entured to dispute ;ith his ;orship on cert in points of l ;7 0y uncle, pro9oked t the unconnected nd dubious ns;ers of Clinker, ;ho seemed in d nger of f lling s crifice to his o;n simplicity, excl imed, '+n the n me of God, if you re innocent, s y so7' '-o Ecried heF God forbid th t + should c ll myself innocent, ;hile my conscience is burthened ;ith sin7' 'Ah t then, you did commit this robberyC' resumed his m ster7 '-o, sure Es id heF blessed be the 3ord, +'m free of th t guilt7' Here the justice interposed, obser9ing, th t the m n seemed inclined to m ke disco9ery by turning king's e9idence, nd desired the clerk to t ke his confession< upon ;hich Humphry decl red, th t he looked upon confession to be popish fr ud, in9ented by the ;hore of 5 bylon7 The Templ r ffirmed, th t the poor fello; ; s non compos< nd exhorted the justice to disch rge him s lun tic7 == '2ou kno; 9ery ;ell E dded heF th t the robbery in >uestion ; s not committed by the prisoner7' The thief=t kers grinned t one nother< nd 0r @ustice 5uDD rd

replied ;ith gre t emotion, '0r 0 rtin, + desire you ;ill mind your o;n business< + sh ll con9ince you one of these d ys th t + underst nd mine7' +n short, there ; s no remedy< the mittimus ; s m de out, nd poor Clinker sent to prison in h ckney=co ch, gu rded by the const ble, nd ccomp nied by your humble ser9 nt7 5y the ; y, + ; s not little surprised to he r this ret iner to justice bid the prisoner to keep up his spirits, for th t he did not t ll doubt but th t he ;ould get off for fe; ;eeks confinement == He s id, his ;orship kne; 9ery ;ell th t Clinker ; s innocent of the f ct, nd th t the re l high; ym n ;ho robbed the ch ise, ; s no other th n th t 9ery indi9idu l 0r 0 rtin, ;ho h d ple ded so strenuously for honest Humphry7 Confounded t this inform tion, + sked, 'Ahy then is he suffered to go bout t his liberty, nd this poor innocent fello; tre ted s m lef ctorC' 'Ae h 9e ex ct intelligence of ll 0r 0 rtin's tr ns ctions Es id heF< but s yet there is not e9idence sufficient for his con9iction< nd s for this young m n, the justice could do no less th n commit him, s the postilion s;ore point=bl nk to his identity7' 'So if this r sc lly postilion should persist in the f lsity to ;hich he is s;orn Es id +F, this innocent l d m y be brought to the g llo;s7' The const ble obser9ed, th t he ;ould h 9e time enough to prep re for his tri l, nd might pro9e n libi< or, perh ps, 0 rtin might be pprehended nd con9icted for nother f ct< in ;hich c se, he might be pre9 iled upon to t ke this ff ir upon himself< or, fin lly, if these ch nces should f il, nd the e9idence st nd good g inst Clinker, the jury might recommend him to mercy, in consider tion of his youth, especi lly if this should ppe r to be the first f ct of ;hich he h d been guilty7 Humphry o;ned he could not pretend to recollect ;here he h d been on the d y ;hen the robbery ; s committed, much less pro9e circumst nce of th t kind so f r b ck s six months, though he kne; he h d been sick of the fe9er nd gue, ;hich, ho;e9er, did not pre9ent him from going bout == then, turning up his eyes, he ej cul ted, 'The 3ord's ;ill be doneG if it be my f te to suffer, + hope + sh ll not disgr ce the f ith of ;hich, though un;orthy, + m ke profession7' Ahen + expressed my surpriDe th t the ccuser should persist in ch rging Clinker, ;ithout t king the le st notice of the re l robber ;ho stood before him, nd to ;hom, indeed, Humphry bore not the sm llest resembl nce< the const ble E;ho ; s himself thief=t kerF g 9e me to underst nd, th t 0r 0 rtin ; s the best >u lified for business of ll the gentlemen on the ro d he h d e9er kno;n< th t he h d l; ys cted on his o;n bottom, ;ithout p rtner or correspondent, nd ne9er ;ent to ;ork but ;hen he ; s cool nd sober< th t his cour ge nd presence of mind ne9er f iled him< th t his ddress ; s genteel, nd his beh 9iour 9oid

of ll cruelty nd insolence< th t he ne9er encumbered himself ;ith ; tches or trinkets, nor e9en ;ith b nk=notes, but l; ys de lt for re dy money, nd th t in the current coin of the kingdom< nd th t he could disguise himself nd his horse in such m nner, th t, fter the ction, it ; s impossible to recogniDe either the one or the other == 'This gre t m n Es id heF h s reigned p r mount in ll the ro ds ;ithin fifty miles of 3ondon bo9e fifteen months, nd h s done more business in th t time, th n ll the rest of the profession put together< for those ;ho p ss through his h nds re so delic tely de lt ;ith, th t they h 9e no desire to gi9e him the le st disturb nce< but for ll th t, his r ce is lmost run == he is no; fluttering bout justice, like moth bout c ndle == there re so m ny lime=t;igs l id in his ; y, th t +'ll bet cool hundred, he s;ings before Christm s7' Sh ll + o;n to you, th t this portr it, dr ;n by ruffi n, heightened by ;h t + myself h d obser9ed in his deportment, h s interested me ; rmly in the f te of poor 0 rtin, ;hom n ture seems to h 9e intended for useful nd honour ble member of th t community upon ;hich he no; preys for subsistenceC +t seems, he li9ed some time s clerk to timber=merch nt, ;hose d ughter 0 rtin h 9ing pri9 tely m rried, ; s disc rded, nd his ;ife turned out of doors7 She did not long sur9i9e her m rri ge< nd 0 rtin, turning fortune=hunter, could not supply his occ sions ny other ; y, th n by t king to the ro d, in ;hich he h s tr 9elled hitherto ;ith uncommon success7 == He p ys his respects regul rly to 0r @ustice 5uDD rd, the thief=c tcher=gener l of this metropolis, nd sometimes they smoke pipe together 9ery lo9ingly, ;hen the con9ers tion gener lly turns upon the n ture of e9idence7 == The justice h s gi9en him f ir ; rning to t ke c re of himself, nd he h s recei9ed his c ution in good p rt7 == Hitherto he h s b ffled ll the 9igil nce, rt, nd cti9ity of 5uDD rd nd his emiss ries, ;ith such conduct s ;ould h 9e done honour to the genius of C es r or Turenne< but he h s one ;e kness, ;hich h s pro9ed f t l to ll the heroes of his tribe, n mely, n indiscreet de9otion to the f ir sex, nd in ll prob bility, he ;ill be tt cked on this defenceless >u rter7 5e th t s it m y, + s ; the body of poor Clinker consigned to the g oler of Clerken;ell, to ;hose indulgence + recommended him so effectu lly, th t he recei9ed him in the most hospit ble m nner, though there ; s necessity for e>uipping him ;ith suit of irons, in ;hich he m de 9ery rueful ppe r nce7 The poor cre ture seemed s much ffected by my uncle's kindness, s by his o;n misfortune7 Ahen + ssured him, th t nothing should be left undone for procuring his enl rgement, nd m king his confinement e sy in the me n time, he fell do;n on his knees, nd kissing my h nd, ;hich he b thed ;ith his te rs, '# 's>uireG Ecried he, sobbingF ;h t sh ll + s yC == + c n't == no, + c n't spe k == my poor he rt is bursting ;ith gr titude to you nd my

de r == de r generous == noble benef ctor7' + protest, the scene bec me so p thetic, th t + ; s f in to force myself ; y, nd returned to my uncle, ;ho sent me in the fternoon ;ith compliment to one 0r 0e d, the person ;ho h d been robbed on 5l ck=he th7 !s + did not find him t home, + left mess ge, in conse>uence of ;hich he c lled t our lodgings this morning, nd 9ery hum nely greed to 9isit the prisoner7 5y this time, l dy Griskin h d come to m ke her form l compliments of condol nce to 0rs T bith , on this domestic c l mity< nd th t prudent m iden, ;hose p ssion ; s no; cooled, thought proper to recei9e her l dyship so ci9illy, th t reconcili tion immedi tely ensued7 These t;o l dies resol9ed to comfort the poor prisoner in their o;n persons, nd 0r 0e d nd + 's>uired them to Clerken;ell, my uncle being det ined t home by some slight compl ints in his stom ch nd bo;els7 The turnkey, ;ho recei9ed us t Clerken;ell, looked rem rk bly sullen< nd ;hen ;e en>uired for Clinker, '+ don't c re, if the de9il h d him Es id heF< here h s been nothing but c nting nd pr ying since the fello; entered the pl ce7 == 1 bbit himG the t p ;ill be ruined == ;e h n't sold c sk of beer, nor doDen of ;ine, since he p id his g rnish == the gentlemen get drunk ;ith nothing but your d mned religion7 == .or my p rt, + belie9e s ho; your m n de ls ;ith the de9il7 == T;o or three s bold he rts s e9er took the ir upon Hounslo; h 9e been blubbering ll night< nd if the fello; n't speedily remo9ed by H be s Corpus, or other;ise, +'ll be d mn'd if there's gr in of true spirit left ;ithin these ; lls ;e sh n't h 9e soul to do credit to the pl ce, or m ke his exit like true born Englishm n == d mn my eyesG there ;ill be nothing but sni9elling in the c rt == ;e sh ll ll die like so m ny ps lm=singing ;e 9ers7' +n short, ;e found th t Humphry ; s, t th t 9ery inst nt, h r nguing the felons in the ch pel< nd th t the g oler's ;ife nd d ughter, together ;ith my unt's ;om n, Ain @enkins, nd our house=m id, ;ere mong the udience, ;hich ;e immedi tely joined7 + ne9er s ; ny thing so strongly pictures>ue s this congreg tion of felons cl nking their ch ins, in the midst of ;hom stood or tor Clinker, exp ti ting in tr nsport of fer9or, on the torments of hell, denounced in scripture g inst e9il=doers, comprehending murderers, robbers, thie9es, nd ;hore mongers7 The 9 riety of ttention exhibited in the f ces of those r g muffins, formed groupe th t ;ould not h 9e disgr ced the pencil of 1 ph el7 +n one, it denoted dmir tion< in nother, doubt< in third, disd in< in fourth, contempt< in fifth, terror< in sixth, derision< nd in se9enth, indign tion7 == !s for 0rs Ainifred @enkins, she ; s in te rs, o9er;helmed ;ith sorro;< but ;hether for her o;n sins, or the misfortune of Clinker, + c nnot pretend to s y7 The other fem les seemed to listen ;ith mixture of ;onder nd de9otion7 The g oler's ;ife

decl red he ; s s int in trouble, s ying, she ;ished from her he rt there ; s such nother good soul, like him, in e9ery g ol in Engl nd7 0r 0e d, h 9ing e rnestly sur9eyed the pre cher, decl red his ppe r nce ; s so different from th t of the person ;ho robbed him on 5l ck=he th, th t he could freely m ke o th he ; s not the m n? but Humphry himself ; s by this time pretty ;ell rid of ll pprehensions of being h nged< for he h d been the night before solemnly tried nd c>uitted by his fello; prisoners, some of ;hom he h d lre dy con9erted to methodism7 He no; m de proper ckno;ledgments for the honour of our 9isit, nd ; s permitted to kiss the h nds of the l dies, ;ho ssured him, he might depend upon their friendship nd protection7 3 dy Griskin, in her gre t De l, exhorted his fello;=prisoners to profit by the precious opportunity of h 9ing such s int in bonds mong them, nd turn o9er ne; le f for the benefit of their poor souls< nd, th t her dmonition might h 9e the gre ter effect, she reinforced it ;ith her bounty7 Ahile she nd 0rs T bby returned in the co ch ;ith the t;o m idser9 nts, + ; ited on 0r 0e d to the house of justice 5uDD rd, ;ho, h 9ing he rd his decl r tion, s id his o th could be of no use t present, but th t he ;ould be m teri l e9idence for the prisoner t his tri l< so th t there seems to be no remedy but p tience for poor Clinker< nd, indeed, the s me 9irtue, or medicine, ;ill be necess ry for us ll, the s>uire in p rticul r, ;ho h d set his he rt upon his excursion to the north; rd7 Ahile ;e ;ere 9isiting honest Humphry in Clerken;ell prison, my uncle recei9ed much more extr ordin ry 9isit t his o;n lodgings7 0r 0 rtin, of ;hom + h 9e m de such honour ble mention, desired permission to p y him his respects, nd ; s dmitted ccordingly7 He told him, th t h 9ing obser9ed him, t 0r 5uDD rd's, good de l disturbed by ;h t h d h ppened to his ser9 nt, he h d come to ssure him he h d nothing to pprehend for Clinker's life< for, if it ; s possible th t ny jury could find him guilty upon such e9idence, he, 0 rtin himself, ;ould produce in court person, ;hose deposition ;ould bring him off cle r s the sun t noon7 == Sure, the fello; ;ould not be so rom ntic s to t ke the robbery upon himselfG == He s id, the postilion ; s n inf mous fello;, ;ho h d been d bbler in the s me profession, nd s 9ed his life t the ,ld 5 iley by impe ching his comp nions< th t being no; reduced to gre t po9erty, he h d m de this desper te push, to s;e r ; y the life of n innocent m n, in hopes of h 9ing the re; rd upon his con9iction< but th t he ;ould find himself miser bly dis ppointed, for the justice nd his myrmidons ;ere determined to dmit of no interloper in this br nch of business< nd th t he did not t ll doubt but th t they ;ould find m tter enough to

shop the e9idence himself before the next g ol=deli9ery7 He ffirmed, th t ll these circumst nces ;ere ;ell kno;n to the justice< nd th t his se9erity to Clinker ; s no other th n hint to his m ster to m ke him present in pri9 te, s n ckno;ledgment of his c ndour nd hum nity7 This hint, ho;e9er, ; s so unp l t ble to 0r 5r mble, th t he decl red, ;ith gre t ; rmth, he ;ould r ther confine himself for life to 3ondon, ;hich he detested, th n be t liberty to le 9e it tomorro;, in conse>uence of encour ging corruption in m gistr te7 He ring, ho;e9er, ho; f 9our ble 0r 0e d's report h d been for the prisoner, he is resol9ed to t ke the d9ice of counsel in ;h t m nner to proceed for his immedi te enl rgement7 + m ke no doubt, but th t in d y or t;o this troublesome business m y be discussed< nd in this hope ;e re prep ring for our journey7 +f our ende 9ours do not misc rry, ;e sh ll h 9e t ken the field before you he r g in from 2ours, @7 0E3.,1* 3,-*,-, @une &&

To *r 3EA+S7 Th nk He 9enG de r 3e;is, the clouds re dispersed, nd + h 9e no; the cle rest prospect of my summer c mp ign, ;hich, + hope, + sh ll be ble to begin to=morro;7 + took the d9ice of counsel ;ith respect to the c se of Clinker, in ;hose f 9our lucky incident h s inter9ened7 The fello; ;ho ccused him, h s h d his o;n b ttery turned upon himself7 == T;o d ys go he ; s pprehended for robbery on the high; y, nd committed, on the e9idence of n ccomplice7 Clinker, h 9ing mo9ed for ;rit of h be s corpus, ; s brought before the lord chief justice, ;ho, in conse>uence of n ffid 9it of the gentlem n ;ho h d been robbed, importing th t the s id Clinker ; s not the person ;ho stopped him on the high; y, s ;ell s in consider tion of the postilion's ch r cter nd present circumst nces, ; s ple sed to order, th t my ser9 nt should be dmitted to b il, nd he h s been disch rged ccordingly, to the unspe k ble s tisf ction of our ;hole f mily, to ;hich he h s recommended himself in n extr ordin ry m nner, not only by his obliging deportment, but by his t lents of pre ching, pr ying, nd singing ps lms, ;hich he h s exercised ;ith such effect, th t e9en T bby respects him s chosen 9essel7 +f there ; s ny thing like ffect tion or hypocrisy in this excess of religion, + ;ould not keep him in my ser9ice, but, so f r s + c n obser9e, the fello;'s ch r cter is do;nright simplicity, ; rmed ;ith kind of enthusi sm, ;hich renders him 9ery susceptible of gr titude nd tt chment to his benef ctors7

!s he is n excellent horsem n, nd underst nds f rriery, + h 9e bought stout gelding for his use, th t he m y ttend us on the ro d, nd h 9e n eye to our c ttle, in c se the co chm n should not mind his business7 0y nephe;, ;ho is to ride his o;n s ddle=horse, h s t ken, upon tri l, ser9 nt just come from bro d ;ith his former m ster, Sir Ailli m Strollop, ;ho 9ouches for his honesty7 The fello;, ;hose n me is *utton, seems to be petit m itre7 == He h s got sm ttering of .rench, bo;s, nd grins, nd shrugs, nd t kes snuff l mode de .r nce, but 9 lues himself chiefly upon his skill nd dexterity in h ir=dressing7 == +f + m not much decei9ed by ppe r nce, he is, in ll respects, the 9ery contr st of Humphry Clinker7 0y sister h s m de up m tters ;ith l dy Griskin< though, + must o;n, + should not h 9e been sorry to see th t connexion entirely destroyed? but T bby is not of disposition to forgi9e 5 rton, ;ho, + underst nd, is gone to his se t in 5erkshire for the summer se son7 + c nnot help suspecting, th t in the tre ty of pe ce, ;hich h s been l tely r tified bet;ixt those t;o fem les, it is stipul ted, th t her l dyship sh ll use her best ende 9ours to pro9ide n gree ble help=m te for our sister T bith , ;ho seems to be >uite desper te in her m trimoni l designs7 Perh ps, the m tch=m ker is to h 9e 9 lu ble consider tion in the ; y of broker ge, ;hich she ;ill most cert inly deser9e, if she c n find ny m n in his senses, ;ho ;ill yoke ;ith 0rs 5r mble from moti9es of ffection or interest7 + find my spirits nd my he lth ffect e ch other reciproc lly th t is to s y, e9ery thing th t discomposes my mind, produces correspondent disorder in my body< nd my bodily compl ints re rem rk bly mitig ted by those consider tions th t dissip te the clouds of ment l ch grin7 == The imprisonment of Clinker brought on those symptoms ;hich + mentioned in my l st, nd no; they re 9 nished t his disch rge7 == +t must be o;ned, indeed, + took some of the tincture of ginseng, prep red ccording to your prescription, nd found it exceedingly gr teful to the stom ch< but the p in nd sickness continued to return, fter short inter9 ls, till the nxiety of my mind ; s entirely remo9ed, nd then + found myself perfectly t c se7 Ae h 9e h d f ir ;e ther these ten d ys, to the stonishment of the 3ondoners, ;ho think it portentous7 +f you enjoy the s me indulgence in A les, + hope 5 rns h s got my h y m de, nd s fe cocked by this time7 !s ;e sh ll be in motion for some ;eeks, + c nnot expect to he r from you s usu l< but + sh ll continue to ;rite from e9ery pl ce t ;hich ;e m ke ny h lt, th t you m y kno; our tr ck, in c se it should be necess ry to communic te ny thing to 2our ssured friend, 0!TT7 51!053E 3,-*,-, @une &87

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll, Bc7 *E!1 0!12, H 9ing the occ sion of my cousin @enkins of !berg 'ny, + send you, s token, turkey=shell comb, kiple of y rds of green ribbon, nd s rment upon the nothingness of good ;orks, ;hich ; s pre ched in the T bern cle< nd you ;ill lso recei9e horn=buck for S ul, ;hereby she m y le rn her letters< for .in much cons rned bout the st te of her poor sole == nd ;h t re ll the pursuits of this life to the cons rns of th t immort l p rtC == Ah t is life but 9eil of fflictionC , 0 ryG the ;hole f mily h 9e been in such constip tionG == 0r Clinker h s been in trouble, but the g tes of hell h 9e not been ble to pre9 il g in him7 His 9irtue is like poor gould, se9en times tried in the fire7 He ; s tuck up for rubbery, nd h d before gust ss 5ussh rd, ;ho m de his mitt mouse< nd the pore youth ; s sent to prison upon the f lse o f of ;illi n, th t ; nted to s; re his life ; y for the looker of c in7 The 's>uire did ll in his po;er, but could not pre9ent his being put in ch ins, nd confined mong common m nuf ctors, ;here he stood like n innocent sheep in the midst of ;ol9es nd tygers7 == 3ord kno;s ;h t mought h 9e h ppened to this pyehouse young m n, if m ster h d not pplied to !pi s 4orkus, ;ho li9es ;ith the ould b iliff, nd is, they s y, fi9e hundred ye rs old EGod bless usGF, nd congeror? but, if he be, sure + m he don't de l ;ith the de9il, other;ise he couldn't h 9e fought out 0r Clinker, s he did, in spite of stone ; lls, iron bolts, nd double locks, th t fle; open t his comm nd< for ould Scr tch h s not gre ter enemy upon he rth th n 0r Clinker, ;ho is, indeed, 9ery po;erful l bourer in the 3ord's 9iney rd7 + do no more th n yuse the ;ords of my good l dy, ;ho h s got the infectu l c lling< nd, + trust, th t e9en myself, though un;orthy, sh ll find gre se to be excepted7 == 0iss 3iddy h s been touch'd to the >uick, but is little timorsome? ho;some9er, + m ke no doubt, but she, nd ll of us, ;ill be brought, by the ende 9ours of 0r Clinker, to produce blessed fruit of gener tion nd repent nce7 == !s for m ster nd the young 's>uire, they h 9e s yet h d n rro glimpse of the ne; light7 == + doubt s ho; their h rts re h rdened by ;orldly ;isdom, ;hich, s the pyebill s ith, is foolishness in the sight of God7 , 0 ry @ones, pr y ;ithout seiDing for gre se to prep re you for the oper tions of this ;onderful instrument, ;hich, + hope, ;ill be exorcised this ;inter upon you nd others t 5r mbleton=h ll7 == Tomorro;, ;e re to set out in cox nd four for 2orkshire< nd, + belie9e, ;e sh ll tr 9el th t ; y f r, nd f r, nd f rther th n + c n tell< but + sh n't go so f r s to forget my

friends< nd 0 ry @ones ;ill l; ys be remembered s one of them by her Humble s r9 nt, A+-7 @E-4+-S 3,-*,-, @une &87

To 0rs GA233+0, house=keeper t 5r mbleton=h ll7 01S GA233+0, + c n't help thinking it 9ery str nge, th t + ne9er h d n ns;er to the letter + ;rote you some ;eeks go from 5 th, concerning the sour be r, the g nder, nd the m ids e ting butter, ;hich + ;on't llo; to be ; sted7 == Ae re no; going upon long journey to the north, ;hereby + desire you ;ill redouble your c re nd circumflexion, th t the f mily m y be ;ell m n ged in our bsence< for, you kno;, you must render ccount, not only to your e rthly m ster, but lso to him th t is bo9e< nd if you re found good nd f ithful s r9 nt, gre t ;ill be your re; rd in h 9en7 + hope there ;ill be t;enty stun of cheese re dy for m rket == by the time + get huom, nd s much o;l spun, s ;ill m ke h lf doDen p ir of bl nkets< nd th t the s 9ings of the butter=milk ;ill fetch me good penny before 0 rtinm ss, s the t;o pigs re to be fed for b king ;ith bitchm st nd crons7 + ;rote to doctor 3e;s for the s me porpuss, but he ne9er h d the good m nners to t ke the le st notice of my letter< for ;hich re son, + sh ll ne9er f 9our him ;ith nother, though he beshits me on his bended knees7 2ou ;ill do ;ell to keep ; tchful eye o9er the hind 6illi ms, ;ho is one of his missories, nd, + belie9e, no better th n he should be t bottom7 God forbid th t + should l ck christi n ch rity< but ch rity begins t huom, nd sure nothing c n be more ch rit ble ;ork th n to rid the f mily of such 9ermine7 + do suppose, th t the bindled co; h s been h d to the p rson's bull, th t old 0oll h s h d nother litter of pigs, nd th t *ick is become mighty mouser7 Pr y order e9ery thing for the best, nd be frug l, nd keep the m ids to their l bour == +f + h d pri9 te opportunity, + ;ould send them some hymns to sing inste d of prof ne b ll ds< but, s + c n't, they nd you must be contented ;ith the pr yers of 2our ssured friend, T7 51!053E 3,-*,-, @une &87

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, The 9ery d y fter + ;rote my l st, Clinker ; s set t liberty7 !s 0 rtin h d foretold, the ccuser ; s himself committed for robbery, upon un>uestion ble e9idence7 He h d been for some time in the sn res of the thief=t king society< ;ho, resenting his presumption in ttempting to incro ch upon their monopoly of impe chment, h d him t ken up nd committed to -e;g te, on the deposition of n ccomplice, ;ho h s been dmitted s e9idence for the king7 The postilion being upon record s n old offender, the chief justice m de no scruple of dmitting Clinker to b il, ;hen he perused the ffid 9it of 0r 0e d, importing th t the s id Clinker ; s not the person th t robbed him on 5l ckhe th< nd honest Humphry ; s disch rged7 Ahen he c me home, he expressed gre t e gerness to p y his respects to his m ster, nd here his elocution f iled him, but his silence ; s p thetic< he fell do;n t his feet nd embr ced his knees, shedding flood of te rs, ;hich my uncle did not see ;ithout emotion7 He took snuff in some confusion< nd, putting his h nd in his pocket, g 9e him his blessing in something more subst nti l th n ;ords == 'Clinker Es id heF, + m so ;ell con9inced, both of your honesty nd cour ge, th t + m resol9ed to m ke you my life=gu rdm n on the high; y7' He ; s ccordingly pro9ided ;ith c se of pistols, nd c rbine to be flung =cross his shoulders< nd e9ery other prep r tion being m de, ;e set out l st Thursd y, t se9en in the morning< my uncle, ;ith the three ;omen in the co ch< Humphry, ;ell mounted on bl ck gelding bought for his use< myself =horseb ck, ttended by my ne; 9 let, 0r *utton, n exceeding coxcomb, fresh from his tr 9els, ;hom + h 9e t ken upon tri l == The fello; ;e rs solit ire, uses p int, nd t kes r ppee ;ith ll the grim ce of .rench m r>uis7 !t present, ho;e9er, he is in ridingdress, j ck=boots, le ther breeches, sc rlet ; istco t, ;ith gold binding, l ced h t, h nger, .rench posting=;hip in his h nd, nd his h ir en >ueue7 5efore ;e h d gone nine miles, my horse lost one of his shoes< so th t + ; s obliged to stop t 5 rnet to h 9e nother, ;hile the co ch proceeded t n e sy p ce o9er the common7 !bout mile short of H tfield, the postilions, stopping the c rri ge, g 9e notice to Clinker th t there ;ere t;o suspicious fello;s =horseb ck, t the end of l ne, ;ho semed ; iting to tt ck the co ch7 Humphry forth;ith pprised my uncle, decl ring he ;ould st nd by him to the l st drop of his blood< nd unflinging his c rbine, prep red for ction7 The 's>uire h d pistols in the pockets of the co ch, nd resol9ed to m ke use of them directly< but he ; s effectu lly pre9ented by his fem le comp nions, ;ho flung themsel9es bout his neck, nd scre med in concert == !t th t inst nt, ;ho should come up t h nd=g llop, but 0 rtin, the

high; y=m n, ;ho, d9 ncing to the co ch, begged the l dies ;ould compose themsel9es for moment then, desiring Clinker to follo; him to the ch rge, he pulled pistol out of his bosom, nd they rode up together to gi9e b ttle to the rogues, ;ho, h 9ing fired t gre t dist nce, fled cross the common7 They ;ere in pursuit of the fugiti9es ;hen + c me up, not little l rmed t the shrieks in the co ch, ;here + found my uncle in 9iolent r ge, ;ithout his peri;ig, struggling to disent ngle himself from T bby nd the other t;o, nd s;e ring ;ith gre t 9ocifer tion7 5efore + h d time to interpose, 0 rtin nd Clinker returned from the pursuit, nd the former p yed his compliments ;ith gre t politeness, gi9ing us to underst nd, th t the fello;s h d sc mpered off, nd th t he belie9ed they ;ere couple of r ; 'prentices from 3ondon7 He commended Clinker for his cour ge, nd s id, if ;e ;ould gi9e him le 9e, he ;ould h 9e the honour to ccomp ny us s f r s Ste9en ge, ;here he h d some business7 The 's>uire, h 9ing recollected nd djusted himself, ; s the first to l ugh t his o;n situ tion? but it ; s not ;ithout difficulty, th t T bby's rms could be unt;isted from his neck< 3iddy's teeth ch ttered, nd @enkins ; s thre tened ;ith fit s usu l7 + h d communic ted to my uncle the ch r cter of 0 rtin, s it ; s described by the const ble, nd he ; s much struck ;ith its singul rity == He could not suppose the fello; h d ny design on our comp ny, ;hich ; s so numerous nd ;ell rmed< he therefore th nked him, for the ser9ice he h d just done them, s id he ;ould be gl d of his comp ny, nd sked him to dine ;ith us t H tfield7 This in9it tion might not h 9e been gree ble to the l dies, h d they kno;n the re l profession of our guest, but this ; s secret to ll, except my uncle nd myself7 0rs T bith , ho;e9er, ;ould by no me ns consent to proceed ;ith c se of lo ded pistols in the co ch, nd they ;ere forth;ith disch rged in compl is nce to her nd the rest of the ;omen7 5eing gr tified in this p rticul r, she bec me rem rk bly goodhumoured, nd t dinner beh 9ed in the most ff ble m nner to 0r 0 rtin, ;ith ;hose polite ddress nd gree ble con9ers tion she seemed to be much t ken7 !fter dinner, the l ndlord ccosting me in the y rd, sked ;ith signific nt look, if the gentlem n th t rode the sorrel belonged to our comp nyC == + underst nd his me ning, but ns;ered no< th t he h d come up ;ith us on the common, nd helped us to dri9e ; y t;o fello;s, th t looked like high; ymen == He nodded three times distinctly, s much s to s y, he kno;s his cue7 Then he in>uired, if one of those men ; s mounted on b y m re, nd the other on chestnut gelding ;ith ;hite stre k do;n his forehe dC nd being ns;ered in the ffirm ti9e, he ssured me they h d robbed three post=ch ises this 9ery morning == + in>uired, in my turn, if 0r 0 rtin ; s of his c>u int nce< nd, nodding thrice g in, he ns;ered, th t he h d seen the gentlem n7

5efore ;e left H tfield, my uncle, fixing his eyes on 0 rtin ;ith such expression s is more e sily concei9ed th n described, sked, if he often tr 9elled th t ro dC nd he replied ;ith look ;hich denoted his underst nding the >uestion, th t he 9ery seldom did business in th t p rt of the country7 +n ;ord, this d9enturer f 9oured us ;ith his comp ny to the neighbourhood of Ste9en ge, ;here he took his le 9e of the co ch nd me, in 9ery polite terms, nd turned off upon crossro d, th t led to 9ill ge on the left == !t supper, 0rs T bby ; s 9ery full in the pr ise of 0r 0 rtin's good=sense nd good=breeding, nd seemed to regret th t she h d not further opportunity to m ke some experiment upon his ffection7 +n the morning, my uncle ; s not little surprised to recei9e, from the ; iter billet couched in these ;ords == 'S+1, + could e sily percei9e from your looks, ;hen + h d the honour to con9erse ;ith you t H tfield, th t my ch r cter is not unkno;n to you< nd, + d re s y you ;on't think it str nge, th t + should be gl d to ch nge my present ; y of life, for ny other honest occup tion, let it be e9er so humble, th t ;ill fford me bre d in moder tion, nd sleep in s fety == Perh ps you m y think + fl tter, ;hen + s y, th t from the moment + ; s ;itness to your generous concern in the c use of your ser9 nt, + concei9ed p rticul r esteem nd 9ener tion for your person< nd yet ;h t + s y is true7 + should think myself h ppy, if + could be dmitted into your protection nd ser9ice, s house=ste; rd, clerk, butler, or b iliff, for either of ;hich pl ces + think myself toler bly ;ell >u lified< nd, sure + m, + should not be found deficient in gr titude nd fidelity == !t the s me time, + m 9ery sensible ho; much you must de9i te from the common m xims of discretion, e9en in putting my professions to the tri l< but + don't look upon you s person th t thinks in the ordin ry stile< nd the delic cy of my situ tion, ;ill, + kno;, justify this ddress to he rt ; rmed ;ith beneficence nd comp ssion == /nderst nding you re going pretty f r north, + sh ll t ke n opportunity to thro; myself in your ; y g in, before you re ch the borders of Scotl nd< nd, + hope, by th t time, you ;ill h 9e t ken into consider tion, the truly distressful c se of, honoured sir, your 9ery humble, nd de9oted ser9 nt, E*A!1* 0!1T+-' The 's>uire, h 9ing perused this letter, put it into my h nd, ;ithout s ying syll ble< nd ;hen + h d re d it ;e looked t e ch other in silence7 .rom cert in sp rkling in his eyes, + disco9ered there ; s more in his he rt, th n he c red to express ;ith his tongue, in f 9our of poor 0 rtin< nd this ; s precisely

my o;n feeling, ;hich he did not f il to discern, by the s me me ns of communic tion == 'Ah t sh ll ;e do Es id heF to s 9e this poor sinner from the g llo;s, nd m ke him useful member of the common;e lth< nd yet the pro9erb s ys, S 9e thief from the g llo;s, nd he'll cut your thro t7' + told him + re lly belie9ed 0 rtin ; s c p ble of gi9ing the pro9erb the lie< nd th t + should he rtily concur in ny step he might t ke in f 9our of his solicit tion7 Ae mutu lly resol9ed to deliber te upon the subject, nd, in the me n time, proceeded on our journey7 The ro ds, h 9ing been broken up by the he 9y r ins in the spring, ;ere so rough, th t lthough ;e tr 9elled 9ery slo;ly, the jolting occ sioned such p in, to my uncle, th t he ; s become exceedingly pee9ish ;hen ;e rri9ed t this pl ce, ;hich lies bout eight miles from the postro d, bet;een Aetherby nd 5oroughbridge7 H rrig te=; ter, so celebr ted for its effic cy in the scur9y nd other distempers, is supplied from copious spring, in the hollo; of ;ild common, round ;hich, good m ny houses h 9e been built for the con9enience of the drinkers, though fe; of them re inh bited7 0ost of the comp ny lodge t some dist nce, in fi9e sep r te inns, situ ted in different p rts of the commons, from ;hence they go e9ery morning to the ;ell, in their o;n c rri ges7 The lodgers of e ch inn form distinct society, th t e t together< nd there is commodious public room, ;here they bre kf st in dis bille, t sep r te t bles, from eight o'clock till ele9en, s they ch nce or chuse to come in == Here lso they drink te in the fternoon, nd pl y t c rds or d nce in the e9ening7 ,ne custom, ho;e9er, pre9 ils, ;hich + looked upon s solecism in politeness7 The l dies tre t ;ith te in their turns< nd e9en girls of sixteen re not exempted from this sh meful imposition == There is public b ll by subscription e9ery night t one of the houses, to ;hich ll the comp ny from the others re dmitted by tickets< nd, indeed, H rrig te tre ds upon the heels of 5 th, in the rticles of g iety nd dissip tion == ;ith this difference, ho;e9er, th t here ;e re more soci ble nd f mili r7 ,ne of the inns is lre dy full up to the 9ery g rrets, h 9ing no less th n fifty lodgers, nd s m ny ser9 nts7 ,ur f mily does not exceed thirty=six< nd + should be sorry to see the number ugmented, s our ccommod tions ;on't dmit of much incre se7 !t present, the comp ny is more gree ble th n one could expect from n ccident l ssembl ge of persons, ;ho re utter str ngers to one nother == There seems to be gener l disposition mong us to m int in good=fello;ship, nd promote the purposes of hum nity, in f 9our of those ;ho come hither on the score of he lth7 + see se9er l f ces ;hich ;e left t 5 th, lthough the m jority re of the -orthern counties, nd m ny come from Scotl nd for the benefit of these ; ters == +n such 9 riety, there must be some origin ls, mong ;hom 0rs T bith 5r mble is

not the most inconsider ble == -o pl ce ;here there is such n intercourse bet;een the sexes, c n be dis gree ble to l dy of her 9ie;s nd temper ment == She h s h d some ; rm disputes t t ble, ;ith l me p rson from -orthumberl nd, on the ne; birth, nd the insignific nce of mor l 9irtue< nd her rguments h 9e been reinforced by n old Scotch l ;yer, in rye peri;ig, ;ho, though he h s lost his teeth, nd the use of his limbs, c n still ; g his tongue ;ith gre t 9olubility7 He h s p id her such fulsome compliments, upon her piety nd le rning, s seem to h 9e ;on her he rt< nd she, in her turn, tre ts him ;ith such ttention s indic tes design upon his person< but, by ll ccounts, he is too much of fox to be in9eigled into ny sn re th t she c n l y for his ffection7 Ae do not propose to st y long t H rrig te, though, t present, it is our he d>u rters, from ;hence ;e sh ll m ke some excursions, to 9isit t;o or three of our rich rel tions, ;ho re settled in this country7 == Pr y, remember me to ll our friends of @esus, nd llo; me to be still 2ours ffection tely, @7 0E3.,1* H!11+G!TE, @une ":7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *,CT,1, Considering the t x ;e p y for turnpikes, the ro ds of this county constitute most intoler ble grie9 nce7 5et;een -e; rk nd Ae therby, + h 9e suffered more from jolting nd s;inging th n e9er + felt in the ;hole course of my life, lthough the c rri ge is rem rk bly commodious nd ;ell hung, nd the postilions ;ere 9ery c reful in dri9ing7 + m no; s fely housed t the -e; +nn, t H rrig te, ;hither + c me to s tisfy my curiosity, r ther th n ;ith ny 9ie; of d9 nt ge to my he lth< nd, truly, fter h 9ing considered ll the p rts nd p rticul rs of the pl ce, + c nnot ccount for the concourse of people one finds here, upon ny other principle but th t of c price, ;hich seems to be the ch r cter of our n tion7 H rrig te is ;ild common, b re nd ble k, ;ithout tree or shrub, or the le st signs of culti9 tion< nd the people ;ho come to drink the ; ter, re cro;ded together in p ltry inns, ;here the fe; toler ble rooms re monopoliDed by the friends nd f 9ourites of the house, nd ll the rest of the lodgers re obliged to put up ;ith dirty holes, ;here there is neither sp ce, ir, nor con9enience7 0y p rtment is bout ten feet s>u re< nd ;hen the folding bed is do;n, there is just room sufficient to

p ss bet;een it nd the fire7 ,ne might expect, indeed, th t there ;ould be no occ sion for fire t 0idsummer< but here the clim te is so b ck; rd, th t n sh tree, ;hich our l ndlord h s pl nted before my ;indo;, is just beginning to put forth its le 9es< nd + m f in to h 9e my bed ; rmed e9ery night7 !s for the ; ter, ;hich is s id to h 9e effected so m ny surprising cures, + h 9e dr nk it once, nd the first dr ught h s cured me of ll desire to repe t the medicine7 == Some people s y it smells of rotten eggs, nd others comp re it to the scourings of foul gun7 == +t is gener lly supposed to be strongly impregn ted ;ith sulphur< nd *r Sh ;, in his book upon miner l ; ter, s ys, he h s seen fl kes of sulphur flo ting in the ;ell == P ce t nti 9iri< +, for my p rt, h 9e ne9er obser9ed ny thing like sulphur, either in or bout the ;ell, neither do + find th t ny brimstone h s e9er been extr cted from the ; ter7 !s for the smell, if + m y be llo;ed to judge from my o;n org ns, it is ex ctly th t of bilge=; ter< nd the s line t ste of it seems to decl re th t it is nothing else th n s lt ; ter putrified in the bo;els of the e rth7 + ; s obliged to hold my nose ;ith one h nd, ;hile + d9 nced the gl ss to my mouth ;ith the other< nd fter + h d m de shift to s; llo; it, my stom ch could h rdly ret in ;h t it h d recei9ed7 == The only effects it produced ;ere sickness, griping, nd insurmount ble disgust7 == + c n h rdly mention it ;ithout puking7 == The ;orld is str ngely misled by the ffect tion of singul rity7 + c nnot help suspecting, th t this ; ter o;es its reput tion in gre t me sure to its being so strikingly offensi9e7 == ,n the s me kind of n logy, Germ n doctor h s introduced hemlock nd other poisons, s specifics, into the m teri medic 7 == + m persu ded, th t ll the cures scribed to the H rrig te ; ter, ;ould h 9e been s effic ciously, nd infinitely more gree bly performed, by the intern l nd extern l use of se ; ter7 Sure + m, this l st is much less n useous to the t ste nd smell, nd much more gentle in its oper tion s purge, s ;ell s more extensi9e in its medic l >u lities7 T;o d ys go ;e ;ent cross the country to 9isit 's>uire 5urdock, ;ho m rried first cousin of my f ther, n heiress, ;ho brought him n est te of thous nd =ye r7 This gentlem n is decl red opponent of the ministry in p rli ment< nd h 9ing n opulent fortune, pi>ues himself upon li9ing in the country, nd m int ining old English hospit lity == 5y the bye, this is phr se 9ery much used by the English themsel9es both in ;ords nd ;riting< but + ne9er he rd of it out of the isl nd, except by ; y of irony nd s rc sm7 Ah t the hospit lity of our foref thers h s been + should be gl d to see recorded, r ther in the memoirs of str ngers ;ho h 9e 9isited our country, nd ;ere the proper objects nd judges of such hospit lity, th n in the discourse nd lucubr tions of the modern English, ;ho seem to describe it from theory nd conjecture7 Cert in it is, ;e re gener lly looked

upon by foreigners, s people tot lly destitute of this 9irtue< nd + ne9er ; s in ny country bro d, ;here + did not meet ;ith persons of distinction, ;ho compl ined of h 9ing been inhospit bly used in Gre t 5rit in7 ! gentlem n of .r nce, +t ly, or Germ ny, ;ho h s entert ined nd lodged n Englishm n t his house, ;hen he fter; rds meets ;ith his guest t 3ondon, is sked to dinner t the S r cen's=he d, the Turk's=he d, the 5o r's=he d, or the 5e r, e ts r ; beef nd butter, drinks execr ble port, nd is llo;ed to p y his sh re of the reckoning7 5ut to return from this digression, ;hich my feeling for the honour of my country obliged me to m ke == our 2orkshire cousin h s been mighty fox=hunter before the 3ord< but no; he is too f t nd un;ieldy to le p ditches nd fi9e=b r g tes< ne9ertheless, he still keeps p ck of hounds, ;hich re ;ell exercised< nd his huntsm n e9ery night entert ins him ;ith the d9entures of the d y's ch ce, ;hich he recites in tone nd terms th t re extremely curious nd signific nt7 +n the me n time, his bro d br ;n is scr tched by one of his grooms7 == This fello;, it seems, h 9ing no inclin tion to curry ny be st out of the st ble, ; s t gre t p ins to scollop his n ils in such m nner th t the blood follo;ed t e9ery stroke7 == He ; s in hopes th t he ;ould be dismissed from this dis gree ble office, but the e9ent turned out contr ry to his expect tion7 == His m ster decl red he ; s the best scr tcher in the f mily< nd no; he ;ill not suffer ny other ser9 nt to dr ; n il upon his c rc se7 The 's>uire's l dy is 9ery proud, ;ithout being stiff or in ccessible7 She recei9es e9en her inferiors in point of fortune ;ith kind of rrog nt ci9ility< but then she thinks she h s right to tre t them ;ith the most ungr cious freedoms of speech, nd ne9er f ils to let them kno; she is sensible of her o;n superior ffluence7 +n ;ord, she spe ks ;ell of no li9ing soul, nd h s not one single friend in the ;orld7 Her husb nd h tes her mort lly< but, lthough the brute is sometimes so 9ery po;erful in him th t he ;ill h 9e his o;n ; y, he gener lly truckles to her dominion, nd dre ds, like school=boy, the l sh of her tongue7 ,n the other h nd, she is fr id of pro9oking him too f r, lest he should m ke some desper te effort to sh ke off her yoke7 == She, therefore, c>uiesces in the proofs he d ily gi9es of his tt chment to the liberty of n English freeholder, by s ying nd doing, t his o;n t ble, ;h te9er gr tifies the brut lity of his disposition, or contributes to the c se of his person7 The house, though l rge, is neither eleg nt nor comfort ble7 == +t looks like gre t inn, cro;ded ;ith tr 9ellers, ;ho dine t the l ndlord's ordin ry, ;here there is gre t profusion of 9ictu ls nd drink, but mine host seems to be mispl ced< nd + ;ould r ther dine upon filberts ;ith hermit, th n feed upon 9enison ;ith hog7 The footmen might be ptly comp red to the ; iters of t 9ern, if they ;ere more ser9ice ble nd less r p cious< but they re gener lly insolent nd in ttenti9e, nd so greedy, th t,

+ think, + c n dine better, nd for less expence, t the St r nd G rter in P ll m ll, th n t our cousin's c stle in 2orkshire7 The 's>uire is not only ccommod ted ;ith ;ife, but he is lso blessed ;ith n only son, bout t;o nd t;enty, just returned from +t ly, complete fidler nd dillett nte< nd he slips no opportunity of m nifesting the most perfect contempt for his o;n f ther7 Ahen ;e rri9ed, there ; s f mily of foreigners t the house, on 9isit to this 9irtuoso, ;ith ;hom they h d been c>u inted t the Sp < it ; s the count de 0el9ille, ;ith his l dy, on their ; y to Scotl nd7 0r 5urdock h d met ;ith n ccident, in conse>uence of ;hich both the count nd + ;ould h 9e retired but the young gentlem n nd his mother insisted upon our st ying dinner< nd their serenity seemed to be so little ruffled by ;h t h d h ppened, th t ;e complied ;ith their in9it tion7 The 's>uire h d been brought home o9er night in his post=ch ise, so terribly bel boured bout the p te, th t he seemed to be in st te of stupef ction, nd h d e9er since rem ined speechless7 ! country pothec ry, c lled Grie9e, ;ho li9ed in neighbouring 9ill ge, h 9ing been c lled to his ssist nce, h d let him blood, nd pplied poultice to his he d, decl ring, th t he h d no fe9er, nor ny other b d symptom but the loss of speech, if he re lly h d lost th t f culty7 5ut the young 's>uire s id this pr ctitioner ; s n ignor nt ccio, th t there ; s fr cture in the cr nium, nd th t there ; s necessity for h 9ing him trep nned ;ithout loss of time7 His mother, espousing this opinion, h d sent n express to 2ork for surgeon to perform the oper tion, nd he ; s lre dy come ;ith his 'prentice nd instruments7 H 9ing ex mined the p tient's he d, he beg n to prep re his dressings< though Grie9e still ret ined his first opinion th t there ; s no fr cture, nd ; s the more confirmed in it s the 's>uire h d p ssed the night in profound sleep, uninterrupted by ny c tching or con9ulsion7 The 2ork surgeon s id he could not tell ;hether there ; s fr cture, until he should t ke off the sc lp< but, t ny r te, the oper tion might be of ser9ice in gi9ing 9ent to ny blood th t might be extr 9 s ted, either bo9e or belo; the dur m ter7 The l dy nd her son ;ere cle r for trying the experiment< nd Grie9e ; s dismissed ;ith some m rks of contempt, ;hich, perh ps, he o;ed to the pl inness of his ppe r nce7 He seemed to be bout the middle ge, ;ore his o;n bl ck h ir ;ithout ny sort of dressing< by his g rb, one ;ould h 9e t ken him for >u ker, but he h d none of the stiffness of th t sect, on the contr ry he ; s 9ery submissi9e, respectful, nd rem rk bly t citurn7 3e 9ing the l dies in n p rtment by themsel9es, ;e djourned to the p tient's ch mber, ;here the dressings nd instruments ;ere displ yed in order upon pe;ter dish7 The oper tor, l ying side his co t nd peri;ig, e>uipped himself ;ith night=c p, pron, nd slee9es, ;hile his 'prentice nd footm n, seiDing the

's>uire's he d, beg n to pl ce it in proper posture7 == 5ut m rk ;h t follo;ed7 == The p tient, bolting upright in the bed, coll red e ch of these ssist nts ;ith the gr sp of Hercules, excl iming, in bello;ing tone, '+ h 'n't li9ed so long in 2orkshire to be trep nned by such 9ermin s you<' nd le ping on the floor, put on his breeches >uietly, to the stonishment of us ll7 The Surgeon still insisted upon the oper tion, lleging it ; s no; pl in th t the br in ; s injured, nd desiring the ser9 nts put him into bed g in< but nobody ;ould 9enture to execute his orders, or e9en to interpose? ;hen the 's>uire turned him nd his ssist nts out of doors, nd thre; his pp r tus out t the ;indo;7 H 9ing thus sserted his prerog ti9e, nd put on his clo ths ;ith the help of 9 let, the count, ;ith my nephe; nd me, ;ere introduced by his son, nd recei9ed ;ith his usu l stile of rustic ci9ility< then turning to signor 0 c roni, ;ith s rc stic grin, '+ tell thee ;h t, *ick Es id heF, m n's scull is not to be bored e9ery time his he d is broken< nd +'ll con9ince thee nd thy mother, th t + kno; s m ny tricks s e'er n old fox in the Aest 1iding7' Ae fter; rds understood he h d >u rrelled t public house ;ith n excisem n, ;hom he ch llenged to bout t single stick, in ;hich he h d been ;orsted< nd th t the sh me of this defe t h d tied up his tongue7 !s for m d m, she h d she;n no concern for his dis ster, nd no; he rd of his reco9ery ;ithout emotion == She h d t ken some little notice of my sister nd niece, though r ther ;ith 9ie; to indulge her o;n petul nce, th n out of ny sentiment of reg rd to our f mily7 == She s id 3iddy ; s fright, nd ordered her ;om n to djust her he d before dinner< but she ;ould not meddle ;ith T bby, ;hose spirit, she soon percei9ed, ; s not to be irrit ted ;ith impunity7 !t t ble, she ckno;ledged me so f r s to s y she h d he rd of my f ther< though she hinted, th t he h d disobliged her f mily by m king poor m tch in A les7 She ; s dis gree bly f mili r in her en>uiries bout our circumst nces< nd sked, if + intended to bring up my nephe; to the l ;7 + told her, th t, s he h d n independent fortune, he should follo; no profession but th t of country gentlem n< nd th t + ; s not ;ithout hopes of procuring for him se t in p rli ment == 'Pr y cousin Es id sheF, ;h t m y his fortune beC' Ahen + ns;ered, th t, ;ith ;h t + should be ble to gi9e him, he ;ould h 9e better th n t;o thous nd ye r, she replied, ;ith disd inful toss of her he d, th t it ;ould be impossible for him to preser9e his independence on such p ultry pro9ision7 -ot little nettled t this rrog nt rem rk, + told her, + h d the honour to sit in p rli ment ;ith her f ther, ;hen he h d little more th n h lf th t income< nd + belie9ed there ; s not more independent nd incorruptible member in the house7 '!y< but times re ch nged Ecried the 's>uireF == Country gentlemen no;= =d ys li9e fter nother f shion7 0y t ble lone st nds me in cool thous nd >u rter, though + r ise my o;n stock, import my

o;n li>uors, nd h 9e e9ery thing t the first h nd7 == True it is, + keep open house, nd recei9e ll corners, for the honour of ,ld Engl nd7' '+f th t be the c se Es id +F, 'tis ;onder you c n m int in it t so sm ll n expence< but e9ery pri9 te gentlem n is not expected to keep c r 9 nser i for the ccommod tion of tr 9ellers? indeed, if e9ery indi9idu l li9ed in the s me stile, you ;ould not h 9e such number of guests t your t ble, of conse>uence your hospit lity ;ould not shine so bright for the glory of the Aest 1iding7' The young 's>uire, tickled by this ironic l obser9 tion, excl imed, ', che burl G' == his mother eyed me in silence ;ith supercilious ir< nd the f ther of the fe st, t king bumper of ,ctober, '0y ser9ice to you, cousin 5r mble Es id heF, + h 9e l; ys he rd there ; s something keen nd biting in the ir of the Aelch mount ins7' + ; s much ple sed ;ith the count de 0el9ille, ;ho is sensible, e sy, nd polite< nd the countess is the most mi ble ;om n + e9er beheld7 +n the fternoon they took le 9e of their entert iners, nd the young gentlem n, mounting his horse, undertook to conduct their co ch through the p rk, ;hile one of their ser9 nts rode round to gi9e notice to the rest, ;hom they h d left t public house on the ro d7 The moment their b cks ;ere turned, the censorious d emon took possession of our 2orkshire l ndl dy nd our sister T bith == The former obser9ed, th t the countess ; s good sort of body, but tot lly ignor nt of good breeding, conse>uently uk; rd in her ddress7 The s>uire s id, he did not pretend to the breeding of ny thing but colts< but th t the j de ;ould be 9ery h ndsome, if she ; s little more in flesh7 'H ndsomeG Ecried T bbyF she h s indeed p ir of bl ck eyes ;ithout ny me ning< but then there is not good fe ture in her f ce7' '+ kno; not ;h t you c ll good fe tures in A les Ereplied our l ndlordF< but they'll p ss in 2orkshire7' Then turning to 3iddy, he dded, 'Ah t s y you, my pretty 1edstre kC == ;h t is your opinion of the countessC' '+ think Ecried 3iddy, ;ith gre t emotionF, she's n ngel7' T bby chid her for t lking ;ith such freedom in comp ny< nd the l dy of the house s id, in contemptuous tone, she supposed miss h d been brought up t some country bo rding=school7 ,ur con9ers tion ; s suddenly interrupted by the young gentlem n, ;ho g lloped into the y rd ll gh st, excl iming, th t the co ch ; s tt cked by gre t number of high; ymen7 0y nephe; nd + rushed out, found his o;n nd his ser9 nt's horse re dy s ddled in the st ble, ;ith pistols in the c ps == Ae mounted inst ntly, ordering Clinker nd *utton to follo; ;ith ll possible expedition< but not;ithst nding ll the speed ;e could m ke, the ction ; s o9er before ;e rri9ed, nd the count ;ith his l dy, s fe lodged t the house of Grie9e, ;ho h d sign liDed himself in 9ery rem rk ble m nner on this occ sion7 !t the turning of l ne, th t led to the 9ill ge ;here the count's ser9 nts rem ined, couple of robbers =horseb ck suddenly ppe red, ;ith

their pistols d9 nced? one kept the co chm n in ;e, nd the other dem nded the count's money, ;hile the young 's>uire ;ent off t full speed, ;ithout e9er c sting look behind7 The count desiring the thief to ;ithdr ; his pistol, s the l dy ; s in gre t terror, deli9ered his purse ;ithout m king the le st resist nce< but not s tisfied ;ith this booty, ;hich ; s pretty consider ble, the r sc l insisted upon rifling her of her c r=rings nd neckl ce, nd the countess scre med ;ith ffright7 Her husb nd, ex sper ted t the 9iolence ;ith ;hich she ; s thre tened, ;rested the pistol out of the fello;'s h nd, nd turning it upon him, sn pped it in his f ce< but the robber kno;ing there ; s no ch rge in it, dre; nother from his bosom, nd in ll prob bility ;ould h 9e killed him on the spot, h d not his life been s 9ed by ;onderful interposition7 Grie9e, the pothec ry, ch ncing to p ss th t 9ery inst nt, r n up to the co ch, nd ;ith cr b=stick, ;hich ; s ll the ;e pon he h d, brought the fello; to the ground ;ith the first blo;< then seiDing his pistol, presented it t his colle gue, ;ho fired his piece t r ndom, nd fled ;ithout further opposition7 The other ; s secured by the ssist nce of the count nd the co chm n< nd his legs being tied under the belly of his o;n horse, Grie9e conducted him to the 9ill ge, ;hither lso the c rri ge proceeded7 +t ; s ;ith gre t difficulty the countess could be kept from s;ooning< but t l st she ; s h ppily con9eyed to the house of the pothec ry, ;ho ;ent into the shop to prep re some drops for her, ;hile his ;ife nd d ughter dministered to her in nother p rtment7 + found the count st nding in the kitchen ;ith the p rson of the p rish, nd expressing much imp tience to see his protector, ;hom s yet he h d sc rce found time to th nk for the essenti l ser9ice he h d done him nd the countess7 == The d ughter p ssing t the s me time ;ith gl ss of ; ter, monsieur de 0el9ille could not help t king notice of her figure, ;hich ; s strikingly eng ging7 == '!y Es id the p rsonF, she is the prettiest girl, nd the best girl in ll my p rish? nd if + could gi9e my son n est te of ten thous nd ye r, he should h 9e my consent to l y it t her feet7 +f 0r Grie9e h d been s solicitious bout getting money, s he h s been in performing ll the duties of primiti9e Christi n, he ;ould not h 9e hung so long upon his h nds7' 'Ah t is her n meC' s id +7 'Sixteen ye rs go E ns;ered the 9ic rF + christened her by the n mes of Ser phin 0el9ili 7' 'H G ;h tG ho;G Ecried the count e gerlyF sure, you s id Ser phin 0el9ili 7' '+ did Es id heF< 0r Grie9e told me those ;ere the n mes of t;o noble persons bro d, to ;hom he h d been obliged for more th n life7' The count, ;ithout spe king nother syll ble, rushed into the p rlour, crying, 'This is your god=d ughter, my de r7' 0rs Grie9e, then seiDing the countess by the h nd, excl imed ;ith gre t git tion, ', m d mG , sirG == + m == + m your poor Elinor7 ==

This is my Ser phin 0el9ili , childG these re the count nd countess of 0el9ille, the generous the glorious benef ctors of thy once unh ppy p rents7' The countess rising from her sc t thre; her rms bout the neck of the mi ble Ser phin , nd cl sped her to her bre st ;ith gre t tenderness, ;hile she herself ; s embr ced by the ;eeping mother7 This mo9ing scene ; s completed by the entr nce of Grie9e himself, ;ho f lling on his knees before the count, '5ehold Es id heF penitent, ;ho t length c n look upon his p tron ;ithout shrinking7' '!h, .erdin ndG Ecried he, r ising nd folding him in his rmsF the pl yfello; of my inf ncy == the comp nion of my youthG == +s it to you then + m indebted for my lifeC' 'He 9en h s he rd my pr yer Es id the otherF, nd gi9en me n opportunity to pro9e myself not ltogether un;orthy of your clemency nd protection7' He then kissed the h nd of the countess, ;hile monsieur de 0el9ille s luted his ;ife nd lo9ely d ughter, nd ll of us ;ere gre tly ffected by this p thetic recognition7 +n ;ord, Grie9e ; s no other th n .erdin nd count . thom, ;hose d9entures ;ere printed m ny ye rs go7 5eing sincere con9ert to 9irtue, he h d ch nged his n me, th t he might elude the en>uiries of the count, ;hose generous llo; nce he determined to forego, th t he might h 9e no dependence but upon his o;n industry nd moder tion7 He h d ccordingly settled in this 9ill ge s pr ctitioner in surgery nd physic, nd for some ye rs ;restled ;ith ll the miseries of indigence, ;hich, ho;e9er, he nd his ;ife h d borne ;ith the most exempl ry resign tion7 !t length, by dint of un;e ried ttention to the duties of his profession, ;hich he exercised ;ith e>u l hum nity nd success, he h d c>uired toler ble sh re of business mong the f rmers nd common people, ;hich en bled him to li9e in decent m nner7 He h d been sc rce e9er seen to smile< ; s un ffectedly pious< nd ll the time he could sp re from the 9oc tions of his employment, he spent in educ ting his d ughter, nd in studying for his o;n impro9ement7 +n short, the d9enturer . thom ; s, under the n me of Grie9e, uni9ers lly respected mong the common lty of this district, s prodigy of le rning nd 9irtue7 These p rticul rs + le rned from the 9ic r, ;hen ;e >uitted the room, th t they might be under no restr int in their mutu l effusions7 + m ke no doubt th t Grie9e ;ill be pressed to le 9e off business, nd re=unite himself to the count's f mily< nd s the countess seemed extremely fond of his d ughter, she ;ill, in ll prob bility, insist upon Ser phin 's ccomp nying her to Scotl nd7 H 9ing p id our compliments to these noble persons, ;e returned to the 's>uire's, ;here ;e expected n in9it tion to p ss the night, ;hich ; s ;et nd r ;< but it seems, 's>uire 5urdock's hospit lity re ched not so f r for the honour of 2orkshire< ;e therefore dep rted in the e9ening, nd l y t n inn, ;here +

c ught cold7 +n hope of riding it do;n before it could t ke f st hold on my constitution, + resol9ed to 9isit nother rel tion, one 0r Pimpernel, ;ho li9ed bout doDen miles from the pl ce ;here ;e lodged7 Pimpernel being the youngest of four sons, ; s bred n ttorney t .urni9 l's inn< but ll his elder brothers dying, he got himself c lled to the b r for the honour of his f mily, nd soon fter this preferment, succeeded to his f ther's est te ;hich ; s 9ery consider ble7 He c rried home ;ith him ll the kn 9ish chic nery of the lo;est pettifogger, together ;ith ;ife ;hom he h d purch sed of dr ym n for t;enty pounds< nd he soon found me ns to obt in dedimus s n cting justice of pe ce7 He is not only sordid miser in his disposition, but his 9 rice is mingled ;ith spirit of despotism, ;hich is truly di bolic l7 == He is brut l husb nd, n unn tur l p rent, h rsh m ster, n oppressi9e l ndlord, litigious neighbour, nd p rti l m gistr te7 .riends he h s none< nd in point of hospit lity nd good breeding, our cousin 5urdock is prince in comp rison of this ungr cious miscre nt, ;hose house is the li9ely represent tion of g ol7 ,ur reception ; s suit ble to the ch r cter + h 9e sketched7 H d it depended upon the ;ife, ;e should h 9e been kindly tre ted7 == She is re lly good sort of ;om n, in spite of her lo; origin l, nd ;ell respected in the country< but she h s not interest enough in her o;n house to comm nd dr ught of t ble beer, f r less to besto; ny kind of educ tion on her children, ;ho run bout, like t gged colts, in st te of n ture7 == Pox on himG he is such dirty fello;, th t + h 9e not p tience to prosecute the subject7 5y th t time ;e re ched H rrig te, + beg n to be 9isited by cert in rheum tic symptoms7 The Scotch l ;yer, 0r 0ickle;himmen, recommended hot b th of these ; ters so e rnestly, th t + ; s o9er=persu ded to try the experiment7 == He h d used it often ;ith success nd l; ys st yed n hour in the b th, ;hich ; s tub filled ;ith H rrig te ; ter, he ted for the purpose7 +f + could h rdly be r the smell of single tumbler ;hen cold, you m y guess ho; my nose ; s reg led by the stre ms rising from hot b th of the s me fluid7 !t night, + ; s conducted into d rk hole on the ground floor, ;here the tub smo ked nd stunk like the pot of !cheron, in one corner, nd in nother stood dirty bed pro9ided ;ith thick bl nkets, in ;hich + ; s to s;e t fter coming out of the b th7 0y he rt seemed to die ;ithin me ;hen + entered this dism l b gnio, nd found my br in ss ulted by such insuffer ble efflu9i 7 + cursed 0ickle;himmen for not considering th t my org ns ;ere formed on this side of the T;eed< but being sh med to recoil upon the threshold, + submitted to the process7 !fter h 9ing endured ll but re l suffoc tion for bo9e >u rter of n hour in the tub, + ; s mo9ed to the bed nd ;r pped in

bl nkets7 == There + l y full hour p nting ;ith intoler ble he t< but not the le st moisture ppe ring on my skin, + ; s c rried to my o;n ch mber, nd p ssed the night ;ithout closing n eye, in such flutter of spirits s rendered me the most miser ble ;retch in being7 + should cert inly h 9e run distr cted, if the r ref ction of my blood, occ sioned by th t Stygi n b th, h d not burst the 9essels, nd produced 9iolent h emorrh ge, ;hich, though dre dful nd l rming, remo9ed the horrible dis>uiet == + lost t;o pounds of blood, nd more, on this occ sion< nd find myself still ;e k nd l nguid< but, + belie9e, little exercise ;ill for; rd my reco9ery, nd therefore + m resol9ed to set out to=morro; for 2ork, in my ; y to Sc rborough, ;here + propose to br ce up my fibres by se =b thing, ;hich, + kno;, is one of your f 9ourite specificks7 There is, ho;e9er, one dise se, for ;hich you h 9e found s yet no specific, nd th t is old ge, of ;hich this tedious unconnected epistle is n inf llible symptom? ;h t, therefore, c nnot be cured, must be endured, by you, s ;ell s by 2ours, 0!TT7 51!053E H!11+G!TE, @une "'7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 4-+GHT, The m nner of li9ing t H rrig te ; s so gree ble to my disposition, th t + left the pl ce ;ith some regret == ,ur unt T bby ;ould h 9e prob bly m de some objection to our dep rting so soon, h d not n ccident embroiled her ;ith 0r 0ickle;himmen, the Scotch d9oc te, on ;hose he rt she h d been pr ctising, from the second d y fter our rri9 l == Th t origin l, though seemingly precluded from the use of his limbs, h d turned his genius to good ccount == +n short, by dint of gro ning, nd ;hining, he h d excited the comp ssion of the comp ny so effectu lly, th t n old l dy, ;ho occupied the 9ery best p rtment in the house, g 9e it up for his c se nd con9enience7 Ahen his m n led him into the 3ong 1oom, ll the fem les ;ere immedi tely in commotion == ,ne set n elbo;=ch ir< nother shook up the cushion< third brought stool< nd fourth pillo;, for the ccommod tion of his feet == T;o l dies Eof ;hom T bby ; s l; ys oneF supported him into the dining=room, nd pl ced him properly t the t ble< nd his t ste ; s indulged ;ith succession of delic cies, culled by their f ir h nds7 !ll this ttention he rep id ;ith profusion of compliments nd benedictions, ;hich ;ere not the less gree ble for being deli9ered in the Scottish di lect7 !s for 0rs T bith , his respects ;ere p rticul rly ddressed to her, nd he did not

f il to mingle them ;ith religious reflections, touching free gr ce, kno;ing her bi s to methodism, ;hich he lso professed upon c l9inistic l model7 .or my p rt, + could not help thinking this l ;yer ; s not such n in9 lid s he pretended to be7 + obser9ed he te 9ery he rtily three times d y< nd though his bottle ; s m rked stom chic tincture, he h d recourse to it so often, nd seemed to s; llo; it ;ith such peculi r relish, th t + suspected it ; s not compounded in the pothec ry's shop, or the chemist's l bor tory7 ,ne d y, ;hile he ; s e rnest in discourse ;ith 0rs T bith , nd his ser9 nt h d gone out on some occ sion or other, + dexterously exch nged the l bels, nd situ tion of his bottle nd mine< nd h 9ing t sted his tincture, found it ; s excellent cl ret7 + forth;ith h nded it bout me to some of my neighbours, nd it ; s >uite emptied before 0r 0ickle;himmen h d occ sion to repe t his dr ught7 !t length, turning bout, he took hold of my bottle, inste d of his o;n, nd, filling l rge gl ss, dr nk to the he lth of 0rs T bith 7 +t h d sc rce touched his lips, ;hen he percei9ed the ch nge ;hich h d been put upon him, nd ; s t first little out of counten nce7 He seemed to retire ;ithin himself, in order to deliber te, nd in h lf minute his resolution ; s t ken< ddressing himself to our >u rter, '+ gi9e the gentlem n credit for his ;it Es id heF< it ; s gude pr ctic l joke< but sometimes hi joci in seri ducunt m l == + hope for his o;n s ke he h s n dr nk ll the liccor< for it ; s 9 r poorful infusion of j ll p in 5ourde ux ;ine< t its poss ble he m y h t 'en sic dose s ;ill produce terrible c t strophe in his in booels ==' 5y f r the gre ter p rt of the contents h d f llen to the sh re of young clothier from 3eeds, ;ho h d come to m ke figure t H rrig te, nd ; s, in effect gre t coxcomb in his ; y7 +t ; s ;ith 9ie; to l ugh t his fello;=guests, s ;ell s to mortify the l ;yer, th t he h d emptied the bottle, ;hen it c me to his turn, nd he h d l ughed ccordingly? but no; his mirth g 9e ; y to his pprehension == He beg n to spit, to m ke ;ry f ces, nd ;rithe himself into 9 rious contorsions == '* mn the stuffG Ecried heF + thought it h d 9ill inous t; ng == p hG He th t ;ould coDen Scot, mun get oope betimes, nd t ke ,ld Scr tch for his counsellor ==' '+n troth mester ;h t d'ye c 'um Ereplied the l ;yerF, your ;it h s run you into filthy puddle == +'m truly cons rned for your ; eful c se == The best d9ice + c n gi9e you, in sic delemm , is to send n express to 1ippon for doctor A ugh, ;ithout del y, nd, in the me n time, s; llo; ll the oil nd butter you c n find in the hoose, to defend your poor stom ch nd int stines from the 9illic tion of the p rticles of the j ll p, ;hich is 9 r 9iolent, e9en ;hen t ken in moder tion7' The poor clothier's torments h d lre dy begun? he retired, ro ring ;ith p in, to his o;n ch mber< the oil ; s s; llo;ed, nd

the doctor sent for< but before he rri9ed, the miser ble p tient h d m de such disch rges up; rds nd do;n; rds, th t nothing rem ined to gi9e him further offence< nd this double e9 cu tion, ; s produced by im gin tion lone< for ;h t he h d dr nk ; s genuine ;ine of 5ourde ux, ;hich the l ;yer h d brought from Scotl nd for his o;n pri9 te use7 The clothier, finding the joke turn out so expensi9e nd dis gree ble, >uitted the house next morning, le 9ing the triumph to 0ickle;himmen, ;ho enjoyed it intern lly ;ithout ny out; rd signs of exult tion == on the contr ry, he ffected to pity the young m n for ;h t he h d suffered< nd c>uired fresh credit from this she; of moder tion7 +t ; s bout the middle of the night, ;hich succeeded this d9enture, th t the 9ent of the kitchen chimney being foul, the soot took fire, nd the l rm ; s gi9en in dre dful m nner7 E9ery body le ped n ked out of bed, nd in minute the ;hole house ; s filled ;ith cries nd confusion == There ; s t;o st irs in the house, nd to these ;e n tur lly r n< but they ;ere both so blocked up, by the people pressing one upon nother, th t it seemed impossible to p ss, ;ithout thro;ing do;n nd tr mpling upon the ;omen7 +n the midst of this n rchy, 0r 0ickle;himmen, ;ith le thern portm nte u on his b ck, c me running s nimble s buck long the p ss ge< nd T bby in her underpettico t, ende 9ouring to hook him under the rm, th t she might esc pe through his protection, he 9ery f irly pushed her do;n, crying, '- , n , gude f ith, ch rity begins t h meG' Aithout p ying the le st respect to the shrieks nd intre ties of his fem le friends, he ch rged through the midst of the cro;d, o9erturning e9ery thing th t opposed him< nd ctu lly fought his ; y to the bottom of the St ir=c se == 5y this time Clinker h d found l dder by ;hich he entered the ;indo; of my uncle's ch mber, ;here our f mily ; s ssembled, nd proposed th t ;e should m ke our exit successi9ely by th t con9ey nce7 The 's>uire exhorted his sister to begin the descent< but, before she could resol9e, her ;om n, 0rs Ainifred @enkins, in tr nsport of terror, thre; herself out t the ;indo; upon the l dder, ;hile Humphry dropped upon the ground, th t he might recei9e her in her descent == This m iden ; s just s she h d st rted out of bed, the moon shone 9ery bright, nd fresh breeDe of ;ind blo;ing, none of 0rs Ainifred's be uties could possibly esc pe the 9ie; of the fortun te Clinker, ;hose he rt ; s not ble to ;ithst nd the united force of so m ny ch rms< t le st + m much mist ken, if he h s not been her humble sl 9e from th t moment == He recei9ed her in his rms, nd, gi9ing her his co t to protect her from the ;e ther, scended g in ;ith dmir ble dexterity7 !t th t inst nt, the l ndlord of the house c lled out ;ith n udible 9oice, th t the fire ; s extinguished, nd the l dies h d nothing further to fe r? this ; s ;elcome note to the udience, nd produced n immedi te effect< the shrieking ce sed, nd confused sound of expostul tion ensued7 + conducted 0rs T bith

nd my sister to their o;n ch mber, ;here 3iddy f inted ; y< but ; s soon brought to herself7 Then + ;ent to offer my ser9ices to the other l dies, ;ho might ; nt ssist nce == They ;ere ll scudding through the p ss ge to their se9er l p rtments< nd s the thoroughf ir ; s lighted by t;o l mps, + h d pretty good obser9 tion of them in their tr nsit< but s most of them ;ere n ked to the smock, nd ll their he ds shro;ded in huge nightc ps, + could not distinguish one f ce from nother, though + recogniDed some of their 9oices == These ;ere gener lly pl inti9e< some ;ept, some scolded, nd some pr yed == + lifted up one poor old gentle;om n, ;ho h d been o9erturned nd sore bruised by multitude of feet< nd this ; s lso the c se ;ith the l me person from -orthumberl nd, ;hom 0ickle;himmen h d in his p ss ge o9erthro;n, though not ;ith impunity, for the cripple, in f lling, g 9e him such good pelt on the he d ;ith his crutch, th t the blood follo;ed7 !s for this l ;yer, he ; ited belo; till the hurly burly ; s o9er, nd then stole softly to his o;n ch mber, from ;hence he did not 9enture to m ke second s lly till ele9en in the forenoon, ;hen he ; s led into the Public 1oom, by his o;n ser9 nt nd nother ssist nt, gro ning most ;oefully, ;ith bloody n pkin round his he d7 5ut things ;ere gre tly ltered == The selfish brut lity of his beh 9iour on the st irs h d steeled their he rts g inst ll his rts nd ddress == -ot soul offered to ccommod te him ;ith ch ir, cushion, or footstool< so th t he ; s obliged to sit do;n on h rd bench == +n th t position, he looked round ;ith rueful spect, nd, bo;ing 9ery lo;, s id in ;hining tone, '2our most humble ser9 nt, l dies == .ire is dre dful c l mity' == '.ire purifies gold, nd it ties friendship,' cried 0rs T bith , bridling7 '2e , m d m Ereplied 0ickle;himmenF< nd it trieth discretion lso' == '+f discretion consists in fors king friend in d9ersity, you re eminently possessed of th t 9irtue' Eresumed our untF7 == '- , m d m Erejoined the d9oc teF, ;ell + ;ot, + c nnot cl im ny merit from the mode of my retre t == 2e'll ple se to obser9e, l dies, there re t; independent principles th t ctu te our n ture == ,ne is instinct, ;hich ;e h 9e in common ;ith the brute cre tion, nd the other is re son == -oo, in cert in gre t emergencies, ;hen the f culty of re son is suspended, instinct t ks the le d, nd ;hen this predomin tes, h 9ing no ffinity ;ith re son, it p ys no sort of reg rd to its connections< it only oper tes for the preser9 tion of the indi9idu l, nd th t by the most expeditious nd effectu l me ns< therefore, begging your p rdon, l dies, +'m no ccount ble in foro conscientioe for ;h t + did, ;hile under the influence of this irresistible pooer7' Here my uncle interposing, '+ should be gl d to kno; Es id heF, ;hether it ; s instinct th t prompted you to retre t ;ith b g nd b gg ge< for, + think, you h d portm nte u on your shoulder' The l ;yer ns;ered, ;ithout hesit tion, 'Gif + might tell my

mind freely, ;ithoot incuring the suspicion of presumption, + should think it ; s something superior to either re son or instinct ;hich suggested th t me sure, nd this on t; fold ccoont? in the first pl ce, the portm nte u cont ined the ;ritings of ;orthy noblem n's est te< nd their being burnt ;ould h 9e occ sioned loss th t could not be rep ired< secondly, my good ngel seems to h 9e l id the portm nte u on my shoulders, by ; y of defence, to sust in the 9iolence of most inhum n blo;, from the crutch of re9erend clergym n, ;hich, e9en in spite of th t medium, h th ;ounded me sorely, e9en unto the pericr nium7' '5y your o;n doctrine Ecried the p rson, ;ho ch nced to be presentF, + m not ccount ble for the blo;, ;hich ; s the effect of instinct7' '+ cr 9e your p rdon, re9erend sir Es id the otherF, instinct ne9er cts but for the preser9 tion of the indi9idu l< but your preser9 tion ; s out of the c se == you h d lre dy recei9ed the d m ge, nd therefore the blo; must be imputed to re9enge, ;hich is sinful p ssion, th t ill becomes ny Christi n, especi lly protest nt di9ine< nd let me tell you, most re9erend doctor, gin + h d mind to ple , the l ; ;ould h uld my libel rele9 nt7' 'Ahy, the d m ge is pretty e>u l on both sides Ecried the p rsonF< your he d is broke, nd my crutch is sn pt in the middle7 -o;, if you ;ill rep ir the one, + ;ill be t the expence of curing the other7' This s lly r ised the l ugh g inst 0ickle;himmen, ;ho beg n to look gr 9e< ;hen my uncle, in order to ch nge the discourse, obser9ed, th t instinct h d been 9ery kind to him in nother respect< for it h d restored to him the use of his limbs, ;hich, in his exit, he h d mo9ed ;ith surprising gility7 == He replied, th t it ; s the n ture of fe r to br ce up the ner9es< nd mentioned some surprising fe ts of strength nd cti9ity performed by persons under the impulse of terror< but he compl ined th t in his o;n p rticul r, the effects h d ce sed ;hen the c use ; s t ken ; y == The 's>uire s id, he ;ould l y te =drinking on his he d, th t he should d nce Scotch me sure, ;ithout m king f lse step< nd the d9oc te grinning, c lled for the piper == ! fidler being t h nd, this origin l st rted up, ;ith his bloody n pkin o9er his bl ck tye=peri;ig, nd c>uitted himself in such m nner s excited the mirth of the ;hole comp ny< but he could not reg in the good gr ces of 0rs T bby, ;ho did not underst nd the principle of instinct< nd the l ;yer did not think it ;orth his ;hile to proceed to further demonstr tion7 .rom H rrig te, ;e c me hither, by the ; y of 2ork, nd here ;e sh ll t rry some d ys, s my uncle nd T bith re both resol9ed to m ke use of the ; ters7 Sc rborough, though p ltry to;n, is rom ntic from its situ tion long cliff th t o9er=h ngs the se 7 The h rbour is formed by sm ll elbo; of l nd th t runs out s n tur l mole, directly opposite to the to;n< nd on th t side is the c stle, ;hich st nds 9ery high, of consider ble

extent, nd, before the in9ention of gun=po;der, ; s counted impregn ble7 !t the other end of Sc rborough re t;o public rooms for the use of the comp ny, ;ho resort to this pl ce in the summer to drink the ; ters nd b the in the se < nd the di9ersions re pretty much on the s me footing here s t 5 th7 The Sp is little ; y beyond the to;n, on this side, under cliff, ;ithin fe; p ces of the se , nd thither the drinkers go e9ery morning in dish bille< but the descent is by gre t number of steps, ;hich in9 lids find 9ery incon9enient7 5et;ixt the ;ell nd the h rbour, the b thing m chines re r nged long the be ch, ;ith ll their proper utensils nd ttend nts7 2ou h 9e ne9er seen one of these m chines == +m ge to yourself sm ll, snug, ;ooden ch mber, fixed upon ;heel=c rri ge, h 9ing door t e ch end, nd on e ch side little ;indo; bo9e, bench belo; == The b ther, scending into this p rtment by ;ooden steps, shuts himself in, nd begins to undress, ;hile the ttend nt yokes horse to the end next the se , nd dr ;s the c rri ge for; rds, till the surf ce of the ; ter is on le9el ;ith the floor of the dressing=room, then he mo9es nd fixes the horse to the other end == The person ;ithin being stripped, opens the door to the se =; rd, ;here he finds the guide re dy, nd plunges he dlong into the ; ter == !fter h 9ing b thed, he re= scends into the p rtment, by the steps ;hich h d been shifted for th t purpose, nd puts on his clothes t his leisure, ;hile the c rri ge is dr ;n b ck g in upon the dry l nd< so th t he h s nothing further to do, but to open the door, nd come do;n s he ;ent up == Should he be so ;e k or ill s to re>uire ser9 nt to put off nd on his clothes, there is room enough in the p rtment for h lf doDen people7 The guides ;ho ttend the l dies in the ; ter, re of their o;n sex, nd they nd the fem le b thers h 9e dress of fl nnel for the se < n y, they re pro9ided ;ith other con9eniences for the support of decorum7 ! cert in number of the m chines re fitted ;ith tilts, th t project from the se =; rd ends of them, so s to screen the b thers from the 9ie; of ll persons ;h tsoe9er == The be ch is dmir bly d pted for this pr ctice, the descent being gently gr du l, nd the s nd soft s 9el9et< but then the m chines c n be used only t cert in time of the tide, ;hich 9 ries e9ery d y< so th t sometimes the b thers re obliged to rise 9ery e rly in the morning == .or my p rt, + lo9e s;imming s n exercise, nd c n enjoy it t ll times of the tide, ;ithout the form lity of n pp r tus == 2ou nd + h 9e often plunged together into the +sis< but the se is much more noble b th, for he lth s ;ell s ple sure7 2ou c nnot concei9e ;h t flo; of spirits it gi9es, nd ho; it br ces e9ery sine; of the hum n fr me7 Aere + to enumer te h lf the dise ses ;hich re e9ery d y cured by se =b thing, you might justly s y you h d recei9ed tre tise, inste d of letter, from 2our ffection te friend nd ser9 nt, @7 0E3.,1*

SC!15,1,/GH, @uly &7

To *r 3EA+S7 + h 9e not found ll the benefit + expected t Sc rborough, ;here + h 9e been these eight d ys == .rom H rrig te ;e c me hither by the ; y of 2ork, ;here ;e st yed only one d y to 9isit the C stle, the 0inster nd the !ssembly=room7 The first, ;hich ; s heretofore fortress, is no; con9erted to prison, nd is the best, in ll respects, + e9er s ;, t home or bro d == +t st nds in high situ tion, extremely ;ell 9entil ted< nd h s sp cious re ;ithin the ; lls, for the he lth nd con9enience of ll the prisoners except those ;hom it is necess ry to secure in close confinement7 E9en these l st h 9e ll the comforts th t the n ture of their situ tion c n dmit7 Here the ssiDes re held, in r nge of buildings erected for th t purpose7 !s for the 0inster, + kno; not ho; to distinguish it, except by its gre t siDe nd the height of its spire, from those other ncient churches in different p rts of the kingdom, ;hich used to be c lled monuments of Gothic rchitecture< but it is no; greed, th t this stile is S r cen r ther th n Gothic< nd, + suppose, it ; s first imported into Engl nd from Sp in, gre t p rt of ;hich ; s under the dominion of the 0oors7 Those 5ritish rchitects ;ho dopted this stile, don't seem to h 9e considered the propriety of their doption7 The clim te of the country, possessed by the 0oors or S r cens, both in !fric nd Sp in, ; s so exceedingly hot nd dry, th t those ;ho built pl ces of ;orship for the multitude, employed their t lents in contri9ing edifices th t should be cool< nd, for this purpose, nothing could be better dopted th n those buildings, 9 st, n rro;, d rk, nd lofty, imper9ious to the sun=be ms, nd h 9ing little communic tion ;ith the scorched extern l tmosphere< but e9er ffording refreshing coolness, like subterr ne n cell rs in the he ts of summer, or n tur l c 9erns in the bo;els of huge mount ins7 5ut nothing could be more preposterous, th n to imit te such mode of rchitecture in country like Engl nd, ;here the clim te is cold, nd the ir etern lly lo ded ;ith 9 pours< nd ;here, of conse>uence, the builder's intention should be to keep the people dry nd ; rm == .or my p rt, + ne9er entered the !bbey church t 5 th but once, nd the moment + stept o9er the threshold, + found myself chilled to the 9ery m rro; of my bones7 Ahen ;e consider, th t in our churches, in gener l, ;e bre the gross st gn ted ir, surch rged ;ith d mps from 9 ults, tombs, nd ch rnel=houses, m y ;e not term them so m ny m g Dines of rheums, cre ted for the benefit of the medic l f cultyC nd s fely 9er, th t more bodies re lost, th n souls s 9ed, by going to church, in the ;inter especi lly, ;hich m y be s id to engross eight months

in the ye r7 + should be gl d to kno;, ;h t offence it ;ould gi9e to tender consciences, if the house of God ; s m de more comfort ble, or less d ngerous to the he lth of 9 letudin ri ns< nd ;hether it ;ould not be n encour gement to piety, s ;ell s the s l9 tion of m ny li9es, if the pl ce of ;orship ; s ;ell floored, ; inscotted, ; rmed, nd 9entil ted, nd its re kept s cred from the pollution of the de d7 The pr ctice of burying in churches ; s the effect of ignor nt superstition, influenced by kn 9ish priests, ;ho pretended th t the de9il could h 9e no po;er o9er the defunct if he ; s interred in holy ground< nd this indeed, is the only re son th t c n be gi9en for consecr ting ll cemeteries, e9en t this d y7 The extern l ppe r nce of n old c thedr l c nnot be but disple sing to the eye of e9ery m n, ;ho h s ny ide of propriety or proportion, e9en though he m y be ignor nt of rchitecture s science< nd the long slender spire puts one in mind of crimin l imp led ;ith sh rp st ke rising up through his shoulder == These to;ers, or steeples, ;ere like;ise borro;ed from the 0 homet ns< ;ho, h 9ing no bells, used such min rets for the purpose of c lling the people to pr yers == They m y be of further use, ho;e9er, for m king obser9 tions nd sign ls< but + ;ould 9ote for their being distinct from the body of the church, bec use they ser9e only to m ke the pile more b rb rous, or S r cenic l7 There is nothing of this !r bic rchitecture in the !ssembly 1oom, ;hich seems to me to h 9e been built upon design of P ll dio, nd might be con9erted into n eleg nt pl ce of ;orship< but it is indifferently contri9ed for th t sort of idol try ;hich is performed in it t present? the gr ndeur of the f ne gi9es diminuti9e effect to the little p inted di9inities th t re dorned in it, nd the comp ny, on b ll=night, must look like n ssembly of f nt stic f iries, re9elling by moonlight mong the columns of Greci n temple7 Sc rborough seems to be f lling off, in point of reput tion7 !ll these pl ces E5 th exceptedF h 9e their 9ogue, nd then the f shion ch nges7 + m persu ded, there re fifty sp ;s in Engl nd s effic cious nd s lut ry s th t of Sc rborough, though they h 9e not yet risen to f me< nd, perh ps, ne9er ;ill, unless some medic l encomi st should find n interest in displ ying their 9irtues to the public 9ie; == 5e th t s it m y, recourse ;ill l; ys be h d to this pl ce for the con9enience of se b thing, ;hile this pr ctice pre9 ils< but it ;ere to be ;ished, they ;ould m ke the be ch more ccessible to in9 lids7 + h 9e here met ;ith my old c>u int nce, H$e;et(t, ;hom you h 9e often he rd me mention s one of the most origin l ch r cters upon e rth == + first kne; him t 6enice, nd fter; rds s ; him in different p rts of +t ly, ;here he ; s ;ell kno;n by the nick=n me

of C 9 llo 5i nco, from his ppe ring l; ys mounted on p le horse, like *e th in the 1e9el tions7 2ou must remember the ccount + once g 9e you of curious dispute he h d t Const ntinople, ;ith couple of Turks, in defence of the Christi n religion< dispute from ;hich he c>uired the epithet of *emonstr tor == The truth is, H== o;ns no religion but th t of n ture< but, on this occ sion, he ; s stimul ted to she; his p rts, for the honour of his country == Some ye rs go, being in the C mpidoglio t 1ome, he m de up to the bust of @upiter, nd, bo;ing 9ery lo;, excl imed in the +t li n l ngu ge, '+ hope, sir, if e9er you get your he d bo9e ; ter g in, you ;ill remember th t + p id my respects to you in your d9ersity7' This s lly ; s reported to the c rdin l C merlengo, nd by him l id before pope 5enedict )+6, ;ho could not help l ughing t the extr 9 g nce of the ddress, nd s id to the c rdin l, 'Those English heretics think they h 9e right to go to the de9il in their o;n ; y7' +ndeed H== ; s the only Englishm n + e9er kne;, ;ho h d resolution enough to li9e in his o;n ; y, in the midst of foreigners< for, neither in dress, diet, customs, or con9ers tion, did he de9i te one tittle from the m nner in ;hich he h d been brought up7 !bout t;el9e ye rs go, he beg n Giro or circuit, ;hich he thus performed == !t - ples, ;here he fixed his he d>u rters, he emb rked for 0 rseilles, from ;hence he tr 9elled ;ith 6oiturin to !ntibes == There he took his p ss ge to Geno nd 3erici< from ;hich l st pl ce he proceeded, by the ; y of C mbr tin , to Pis nd .lorence == !fter h 9ing h lted some time in this metropolis, he set out ;ith 6etturino for 1ome, ;here he reposed himself fe; ;eeks, nd then continued his route for - ples, in order to ; it for the next opportunity of emb rk tion == !fter h 9ing t;el9e times described this circle, he l tely fle; off t t ngent to 9isit some trees t his country=house in Engl nd, ;hich he h d pl nted bo9e t;enty ye rs go, fter the pl n of the double colonn de in the pi DD of St Peter's t 1ome == He c me hither to Sc rborough, to p y his respects to his noble friend nd former pupil, the 0== of G==, nd, forgetting th t he is no; turned of se9enty, s crificed so liber lly to 5 cchus, th t next d y he ; s seiDed ;ith fit of the poplexy, ;hich h s little imp ired his memory< but he ret ins ll the oddity of his ch r cter in perfection, nd is going b ck to +t ly by the ; y of Gene9 , th t he m y h 9e conference ;ith his friend 6olt ire, bout gi9ing the l st blo; to the Christi n superstition == He intends to t ke shipping here for Holl nd or H mburgh< for it is m tter of gre t indifference to him t ;h t p rt of the continent he first l nds7 Ahen he ; s going bro d the l st time, he took his p ss ge in ship bound for 3eghorn, nd his b gg ge ; s ctu lly emb rked7 +n going do;n the ri9er by ; ter, he ; s by mist ke put on bo rd of nother 9essel under s il< nd, upon in>uiry understood she ; s bound to Petersburgh == 'Petersburgh, == Petersburgh Es id heF +

don't c re if + go long ;ith you7' He forth;ith struck b rg in ;ith the c pt in< bought couple of shirts of the m te, nd ; s s fe con9eyed to the court of 0usco9y, from ;hence he tr 9elled by l nd to recei9e his b gg ge t 3eghorn == He is no; more likely th n e9er to execute ;him of the s me n ture< nd + ;ill hold ny ; ger, th t s he c nnot be supposed to li9e much longer, ccording to the course of n ture, his exit ;ill be s odd s his life h s been extr 9 g nt7 $This gentlem n crossed the se to .r nce, 9isited nd conferred ;ith 0r de 6olt ire t .ern y, resumed his old circuit t Geno , nd died in &H'H, t the house of 6 nini in .lorence7 5eing t ken ;ith suppression of urine, he resol9ed, in imit tion of Pomponius !tticus, to t ke himself off by bstinence< nd this resolution he executed like n ncient 1om n7 He s ; comp ny to the l st, cr cked his jokes, con9ersed freely, nd entert ined his guests ;ith music7 ,n the third d y of his f st, he found himself entirely freed of his compl int< but refused t king susten nce7 He s id the most dis gree ble p rt of the 9oy ge ; s p st, nd he should be cursed fool indeed, to put bout ship, ;hen he ; s just entering the h rbour7 +n these sentiments he persisted, ;ithout ny m rks of ffect tion, nd thus finished his course ;ith such c se nd serenity, s ;ould h 9e done honour to the firmest Stoic of nti>uity7( 5ut, to return from one humourist to nother, you must kno; + h 9e recei9ed benefit, both from the ch lybe te nd the se , nd ;ould h 9e used them longer, h d not most ridiculous d9enture, by m king me the to;n=t lk, obliged me to le 9e the pl ce< for + c n't be r the thoughts of ffording spect cle to the multitude 2esterd y morning, t six o'clock, + ;ent do;n to the b thing=pl ce, ttended by my ser9 nt Clinker, ;ho ; ited on the be ch s usu l == The ;ind blo;ing from the north, nd the ;e ther being h Dy, the ; ter pro9ed so chill, th t ;hen + rose from my first plunge, + could not help sobbing nd b ;ling out, from the effects of the cold7 Clinker, ;ho he rd me cry, nd s ; me indistinctly good ; y ;ithout the guide, buffetting the ; 9es, took it for gr nted + ; s dro;ning, nd rushing into the se , clothes nd ll, o9erturned the guide in his hurry to s 9e his m ster7 + h d s; m out fe; strokes, ;hen he ring noise, + turned bout nd s ; Clinker, lre dy up to his neck, d9 ncing to; rds me, ;ith ll the ;ildness of terror in his spect == !fr id he ;ould get out of his depth, + m de h ste to meet him, ;hen, ll of sudden, he seiDed me by one e r, dr gged me bello;ing ;ith p in upon the dry be ch, to the stonishment of ll the people, men, nd ;omen, nd children there ssembled7 + ; s so ex sper ted by the p in of my e r, nd the disgr ce of being exposed in such n ttitude, th t, in the first tr nsport + struck him do;n< then, running b ck into the se , took shelter in the m chine ;here my clothes h d been deposited7 + soon

recollected myself so f r s to do justice to the poor fello;, ;ho, in gre t simplicity of he rt, h d cted from moti9es of fidelity nd ffection == ,pening the door of the m chine, ;hich ; s immedi tely dr ;n on shore, + s ; him st nding by the ;heel, dropping like ; ter=;ork, nd trembling from he d to foot< p rtly from cold, nd p rtly from the dre d of h 9ing offended his m ster == + m de my ckno;ledgments for the blo; he h d recei9ed, ssured him + ; s not ngry, nd insisted upon his going home immedi tely, to shift his clothes< comm nd ;hich he could h rdly find in his he rt to execute, so ;ell disposed ; s he to furnish the mob ;ith further entert inment t my expence7 Clinker's intention ; s l ud ble ;ithout ll doubt, but, ne9ertheless, + m sufferer by his simplicity == + h 9e h d burning he t, nd str nge buDDing noise in th t e r, e9er since it ; s so roughly tre ted< nd + c nnot ; lk the street ;ithout being pointed t< s the monster th t ; s h uled n ked =shore upon the be ch == Aell, + ffirm th t folly is often more pro9oking th n kn 9ery, ye nd more mischie9ous too< nd ;hether m n h d not better choose sensible rogue, th n n honest simpleton for his ser9 nt, is no m tter of doubt ;ith 2ours, 0!TT7 51!053E SC!15,1,/GH, @uly 87

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 A!T, Ae m de precipit te retre t from Sc rborough, o;ing to the excessi9e delic cy of our 's>uire, ;ho c nnot be r the thoughts of being proetereuntium digito monstr tus7 ,ne morning, ;hile he ; s b thing in the se , his m n Clinker took it in his he d th t his m ster ; s in d nger of dro;ning< nd, in this conceit, plunging into the ; ter, he lugged him out n ked on the be ch, nd lmost pulled off his e r in the oper tion7 2ou m y guess ho; this tchie9ement ; s relished by 0r 5r mble, ;ho is imp tient, ir scible, nd h s the most extr 9 g nt ide s of decency nd decorum in the oeconomy of his o;n person == +n the first ebullition of his choler, he knocked Clinker do;n ;ith his fist< but he fter; rds m de him mends for his outr ge, nd, in order to 9oid further notice of the people, mong ;hom this incident h d m de him rem rk ble, he resol9ed to le 9e Sc rborough next d y7 Ae set out ccordingly o9er the moors, by the ; y of Ahitby, nd beg n our journey betimes, in hopes of re ching Stockton th t night< but in this hope ;e ;ere dis ppointed == +n the fternoon,

crossing deep gutter, m de by torrent, the co ch ; s so h rd str ined, th t one of the irons, ;hich connect the fr me, sn pt, nd the le ther sling on the s me side, cr cked in the middle7 The shock ; s so gre t, th t my sister 3iddy struck her he d g inst 0rs T bith 's nose ;ith such 9iolence th t the blood flo;ed< nd Ain7 @enkins ; s d rted through sm ll ;indo; in th t p rt of the c rri ge next the horses, ;here she stuck like b ;d in the pillory, till she ; s rele sed by the h nd of 0r 5r mble7 Ae ;ere eight miles dist nt from ny pl ce ;here ;e could be supplied ;ith ch ises, nd it ; s impossible to proceed ;ith the co ch, until the d m ge should be rep ired == in this dilemm , ;e disco9ered bl cksmith's forge on the edge of sm ll common, bout h lf mile from the scene of our dis ster, nd thither the postilions m de shift to dr ; the c rri ge, slo;ly, ;hile the comp ny ; lked =foot< but ;e found the bl ck=smith h d been de d some d ys< nd his ;ife, ;ho h d been l tely deli9ered, ; s depri9ed of her senses, under the c re of nurse, hired by the p rish7 Ae ;ere exceedingly mortified t this dis ppointment, ;hich, ho;e9er, ; s surmounted by the help of Humphry Clinker, ;ho is surprising compound of genius nd simplicity7 .inding the tools of the defunct, together ;ith some co ls in the smithy, he unscre;ed the d m ged iron in t;inkling, nd, kindling fire, united the broken pieces ;ith e>u l dexterity nd disp tch == Ahile he ; s t ;ork upon this oper tion, the poor ;om n in the str ;, struck ;ith the ;ell=kno;n sound of the h mmer nd n9il, st rted up, nd, not;ithst nding ll the nurse's efforts, c me running into the smithy, ;here, thro;ing her rms bout Clinker's neck, '!h, @ cob Ecried sheF ho; could you le 9e me in such conditionC' This incident ; s too p thetic to occ sion mirth == it brought te rs into the eyes of ll present7 The poor ;ido; ; s put to bed g in< nd ;e did not le 9e the 9ill ge ;ithout doing something for her benefit == E9en T bith 's ch rity ; s ; kened on this occ sion7 !s for the tender=he rted Humphry Clinker, he h mmered the iron nd ;ept t the s me time == 5ut his ingenuity ; s not confined to his o;n pro9ince of f rrier nd bl ck=smith == +t ; s necess ry to join the le ther sling, ;hich h d been broke< nd this ser9ice he like;ise performed, by me ns of broken ;l, ;hich he ne;=pointed nd ground, little hemp, ;hich he spun into lingels, nd fe; t cks ;hich he m de for the purpose7 /pon the ;hole, ;e ;ere in condition to proceed in little more th n n hour< but e9en this del y obliged us to p ss the night t Gisborough == -ext d y ;e crossed the Tees t Stockton, ;hich is ne t gree ble to;n< nd there ;e resol9ed to dine, ;ith purpose to lie t *urh m7 Ahom should ;e meet in the y rd, ;hen ;e lighted, but 0 rtin the d9enturerC H 9ing h nded out the l dies, nd conducted them into n p rtment, ;here he p yed his compliments to 0rs T bby, ;ith his usu l ddress, he begged le 9e to spe k to my uncle in

nother room< nd there, in some confusion, he m de n pology for h 9ing t ken the liberty to trouble him ;ith letter t Ste9en ge7 He expressed his hope, th t 0r 5r mble h d besto;ed some consider tion on his unh ppy c se, nd repe ted his desire of being t ken into his ser9ice7 0y uncle, c lling me into the room, told him, th t ;e ;ere both 9ery ;ell inclined to rescue him from ; y of life th t ; s e>u lly d ngerous nd dishonour ble< nd th t he should h 9e no scruples in trusting to his gr titude nd fidelity, if he h d ny employment for him, ;hich he thought ;ould suit his >u lific tions nd his circumst nces< but th t ll the dep rtments he h d mentioned in his letter, ;ere filled up by persons of ;hose conduct he h d no re son to compl in< of conse>uence he could not, ;ithout injustice, depri9e ny one of them of his bre d7 -e9ertheless, he decl red himself re dy to ssist him in ny fe sible project, either ;ith his purse or credit7 0 rtin seemed deeply touched t this decl r tion == The te r st rted in his eye, ;hile he s id, in f ultering ccent == 'Aorthy sir == your generosity oppresses me == + ne9er dre med of troubling you for ny pecuni ry ssist nce == indeed + h 9e no occ sion == + h 9e been so lucky t billi rds nd betting in different pl ces, t 5uxton, H rrig te, Sc rborough, nd -e;c stle r ces, th t my stock in re dy=money mounts to three hundred pounds, ;hich + ;ould ;illingly employ, in prosecuting some honest scheme of life< but my friend, justice 5uDD rd, h s set so m ny springs for my life, th t + m under the necessity of either retiring immedi tely to remote p rt of the country, ;here + c n enjoy the protection of some generous p tron, or of >uitting the kingdom ltogether7 +t is upon this ltern ti9e th t + no; beg le 9e to sk your d9ice7 + h 9e h d inform tion of ll your route, since + h d the honour to see you t Ste9en ge< nd, supposing you ;ould come this ; y from Sc rborough, + c me hither l st night from * rlington, to p y you my respects7' '+t ;ould be no difficult m tter to pro9ide you ;ith n sylum in the country Ereplied my uncleF< but life of indolence nd obscurity ;ould not suit ;ith your cti9e nd enterpriDing disposition == + ;ould therefore d9ise you to try your fortune in the E st +ndies == + ;ill gi9e you letter to friend in 3ondon, ;ho ;ill recommend you to the direction, for commission in the comp ny's ser9ice< nd if th t c nnot be obt ined, you ;ill t le st be recei9ed s 9olunteer == in ;hich c se, you m y p y for your p ss ge, nd + sh ll undert ke to procure you such credenti ls, th t you ;ill not be long ;ithout commission7' 0 rtin embr ced the propos l ;ith gre t e gerness< it ; s therefore resol9ed, th t he should sell his horse, nd t ke p ss ge by se for 3ondon, to execute the project ;ithout del y ==

+n the me n time he ccomp nied us to *urh m, ;ere ;e took up our >u rters for the night7 Here, being furnished ;ith letters from my uncle, he took his le 9e of us, ;ith strong symptoms of gr titude nd tt chment, nd set out for Sunderl nd, in order to emb rk in the first collier, bound for the ri9er Th mes7 He h d not been gone h lf n hour, ;hen ;e ;ere joined by nother ch r cter, ;hich promised something extr ordin ry == ! t ll, me gre figure, ns;ering, ;ith his horse, the description of *on Juixote mounted on 1oDin nte, ppe red in the t;ilight t the inn door, ;hile my unt nd 3iddy stood t ;indo; in the dining=room == He ;ore co t, the cloth of ;hich h d once been sc rlet, trimmed ;ith 5r ndenburgs, no; tot lly depri9ed of their met l, nd he h d holsterc ps nd housing of the s me stuff nd s me nti>uity7 Percei9ing l dies t the ;indo; bo9e, he ende 9oured to dismount ;ith the most gr ceful ir he could ssume< but the ostler neglecting to hold the stirrup ;hen he ;heeled off his right foot, nd stood ;ith his ;hole ;eight on the other, the girth unfortun tely g 9e ; y, the s ddle turned, do;n c me the c 9 lier to the ground, nd his h t nd perri;ig f lling off, displ yed he d=piece of 9 rious colours, p tched nd pl istered in ;oeful condition == The l dies, t the ;indo; bo9e, shrieked ;ith ffright, on the supposition th t the str nger h d recei9ed some not ble d m ges in his f ll< but the gre test injury he h d sust ined rose from the dishonour of his descent, ggr 9 ted by the disgr ce of exposing the condition of his cr nium< for cert in plebei ns th t ;ere bout the door, l ughed loud, in the belief th t the c pt in h d got either sc ld he d, or broken he d, both e>u lly opprobrious7 He forth;ith le ped up in fury, nd sn tching one of his pistols, thre tened to put the ostler to de th, ;hen nother s>u ll from the ;omen checked his resentment7 He then bo;ed to the ;indo;, ;hile he kissed the butt=end of his pistol, ;hich he repl ced< djusted his ;ig in gre t confusion, nd led his horse into the st ble == 5y this time + h d come to the door, nd could not help g Ding t the str nge figure th t presented itself to my 9ie;7 He ;ould h 9e me sured bo9e six feet in height h d he stood upright< but he stooped 9ery much< ; s 9ery n rro; in the shoulders, nd 9ery thick in the c l9es of his legs, ;hich ;ere c sed in bl ck sp tterd shes == !s for his thighs, they ;ere long nd slender, like those of gr sshopper< his f ce ; s, t le st, h lf y rd in length, bro;n nd shri9elled, ;ith projecting cheek=bones, little grey eyes on the greenish hue, l rge hook=nose, pointed chin, mouth from e r to c r, 9ery ill furnished ;ith teeth, nd high, n rro; fore=he d, ;ell furro;ed ;ith ;rinkles7 His horse ; s ex ctly in the stile of its rider< resurrection of dry bones, ;hich E s ;e fter; rds le rnedF he 9 lued exceedingly, s the only present he h d e9er recei9ed in his life7 H 9ing seen this f 9ourite steed properly ccommod ted in the

st ble, he sent up his compliments to the l dies, begging permission to th nk them in person for the m rks of concern they h d she;n t his dis ster in the court y rd == !s the 's>uire s id they could not decently decline his 9isit, he ; s she;n up st irs nd p id his respects in the Scotch di lect, ;ith much form lity '3eddies Es id heF, perh ps ye m y be sc nd leeDed t the ppe r nce of my heed m de, ;hen it ; s unco9ered by ccident< but + c n ssure you, the condition you s ; it in, is neither the effects of dise ses, nor of drunkenness? but n honest sc r recei9ed in the ser9ice of my country7' He then g 9e us to underst nd, th t h 9ing been ;ounded t Ticonderog , in !meric , p rty of +ndi ns rifled him, sc lped him, broke his scull ;ith the blo; of tom h ;k, nd left him for de d on the field of b ttle< but th t being fter; rds found ;ith signs of life, he h d been cured in the .rench hospit l, though the loss of subst nce could not be rep ired< so th t the scull ; s left n ked in se9er l pl ces, nd these he co9ered ;ith p tches7 There is no hold by ;hich n Englishm n is sooner t ken th n th t of comp ssion == Ae ;ere immedi tely interested in beh lf of this 9eter n7 E9en T bby's he rt ; s melted< but our pity ; s ; rmed ;ith indign tion, ;hen ;e le rned, th t in the course of t;o s nguin ry ; rs, he h d been ;ounded, m imed, mutil ted, t ken, nd ensl 9ed, ;ithout e9er h 9ing tt ined higher r nk th n th t of lieuten nt == 0y uncle's eyes gle med, nd his nether lip >ui9ered, ;hile he excl imed, '+ 9o; to God, sir, your c se is repro ch to the ser9ice == The injustice you h 9e met ;ith is so fl gr nt' == '+ must cr 9e your p rdon, sir Ecried the other, interrupting himF, + compl in of no injustice == + purch sed n ensigncy thirty ye rs go< nd, in the course of ser9ice rose to lieuten nt, ccording to my seniority' == '5ut in such length of time Eresumed the 's>uireF, you must h 9e seen gre t m ny young officers put o9er your he d' == '-e9ertheless Es id heF, + h 9e no c use to murmur == They bought their preferment ;ith their money == + h d no money to c rry to m rket th t ; s my misfortune< but no body ; s to bl me' == 'Ah tG no friend to d9 nce sum of moneyC' Es id 0r 5r mbleF 'Perh ps, + might h 9e borro;ed money for the purch se of comp ny E ns;ered the otherF< but th t lo n must h 9e been refunded< nd + did not chuse to incumber myself ;ith debt of thous nd pounds, to be p yed from n income of ten shillings =d y7' 'So you h 9e spent the best p rt of your life Ecried 0r 5r mbleF, your youth, your blood, nd your constitution, midst the d ngers, the difficulties, the horrors nd h rdships of ; r, for the consider tion of three or four shillings =d y consider tion ==' 'Sir Ereplied the Scot, ;ith gre t ; rmthF, you re the m n th t does me injustice, if you s y or think + h 9e been ctu ted by ny such p ltry consider tion == + m gentlem n< nd entered the ser9ice s other gentlemen do, ;ith such hopes nd sentiments s honour ble mbition inspires == +f + h 9e not been lucky in the lottery of life, so neither do + think myself unfortun te == + o;e to no m n f rthing< + c n

l; ys comm nd cle n shirt, mutton=chop, nd truss of str ;< nd ;hen + die, + sh ll le 9e effects sufficient to defr y the expence of my buri l7' 0y uncle ssured him, he h d no intention to gi9e him the le st offence, by the obser9 tions he h d m de< but, on the contr ry, spoke from sentiment of friendly reg rd to his interest == The lieuten nt th nked him ;ith stiffness of ci9ility, ;hich nettled our old gentlem n, ;ho percei9ed th t his moder tion ; s ll ffected< for, ;h tsoe9er his tongue might decl re, his ;hole ppe r nce denoted diss tisf ction == +n short, ;ithout pretending to judge of his milit ry merit, + think + m y ffirm, th t this C ledoni n is self=conceited ped nt, uk; rd, rude, nd disput cious == He h s h d the benefit of school=educ tion, seems to h 9e re d good number of books, his memory is ten cious, nd he pretends to spe k se9er l different l ngu ges< but he is so ddicted to ;r ngling, th t he ;ill c 9il t the cle rest truths, nd, in the pride of rgument tion, ttempt to reconcile contr dictions == Ahether his ddress nd >u lific tions re re lly of th t st mp ;hich is gree ble to the t ste of our unt, 0rs T bith , or th t indef tig ble m iden is determined to shoot t e9ery sort of g me, cert in it is she h s begun to pr ctice upon the he rt of the lieuten nt, ;ho f 9oured us ;ith his comp ny to supper7 + h 9e m ny other things to s y of this m n of ; r, ;hich + sh ll communic te in post or t;o< me n ;hile, it is but re son ble th t you should be indulged ;ith some respite from those ;e ry lucubr tions of 2ours, @7 0E3.,1* -EAC!ST3E /P,- T2-E, @uly &#7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, +n my l st + tre ted you ;ith high fl 9oured dish, in the ch r cter of the Scotch lieuten nt, nd + must present him once more for your entert inment7 +t ; s our fortune to feed upon him the best p rt of three d ys< nd + do not doubt th t he ;ill st rt g in in our ; y before ;e sh ll h 9e finished our northern excursion7 The d y fter our meeting ;ith him t *urh m pro9ed so tempestuous th t ;e did not choose to proceed on our journey< nd my uncle persu ded him to st y till the ;e ther should cle r up, gi9ing him, t the s me time, gener l in9it tion to our mess7 The m n h s cert inly g thered ;hole budget of shre;d obser9 tions, but he brings them forth in such n ungr cious

m nner s ;ould be extremely disgusting, if it ; s not m rked by th t ch r cteristic oddity ;hich ne9er f ils to ttr ct the ttention == He nd 0r 5r mble discoursed, nd e9en disputed, on different subjects in ; r, policy, the belles lettres, l ;, nd met physics< nd sometimes they ;ere ; rmed into such lterc tion s seemed to thre ten n brupt dissolution of their society< but 0r 5r mble set gu rd o9er his o;n ir scibility, the more 9igil ntly s the officer ; s his guest< nd ;hen, in spite of ll his efforts, he beg n to ; x ; rm, the other prudently cooled in the s me proportion7 0rs T bith ch ncing to ccost her brother by the f mili r diminuti9e of 0 tt, 'Pr y, sir Es id the lieuten ntF, 'is your n me 0 tthi sC' 2ou must kno; it is one of our uncle's foibles to be sh med of his n me 0 tthe;, bec use it is purit nic l< nd this >uestion ch grined him so much, th t he ns;ered, '-o, by G=dG' in 9ery brupt tone of disple sure7 == The Scot took umbr ge t the m nner of his reply, nd bristling up, '+f + h d kno;n Es id heF th t you did not c re to tell your n me, + should not h 9e sked the >uestion == The leddy c lled you 0 tt, nd + n tur lly thought it ; s 0 tthi s? == perh ps, it m y be 0ethusel h, or 0etrodorus, or 0etellus, or 0 thurinus, or 0 lthinnus, or 0 t morus, or ==' '-o Ecried my uncle l ughingF, it is neither of those, c pt in? my n me is 0 tthe; 5r mble, t, your ser9ice7 == The truth is, h 9e foolish pi>ue t the n me of 0 tthe;, bec use it f 9ours of those c nting hypocrites, ;ho, in Crom;ell's time, christened ll their children by n mes t ken from the scripture7' '! foolish pi>ue indeed7 Ecried 0rs T bbyF, nd e9en sinful, to f ll out ;ith your n me bec use it is t ken from holy ;rit7 == + ;ould h 9e you to kno;, you ; s c lled fter gre t=uncle 0 tthe; p 0 doc p 0eredith, es>uire, of 3l n;ysthin, in 0ontgomeryshire, justice of the >uorum, nd crusty ruttleorum, gentlem n of gre t ;orth nd property, descended in str it line, by the fem le side, from 3le;ellyn, prince of A les7' This gene logic l necdote seemed to m ke some impression upon the -orth=5riton, ;ho bo;ed 9ery lo; to the descend nt of 3le;ellyn, nd obser9ed th t he himself h d the honour of scriptur l nomin tion7 The l dy expressing desire of kno;ing his ddress, he s id, he designed himself 3ieuten nt ,b di h 3ism h go< nd in order to ssist her memory, he presented her ;ith slip of p per inscribed ;ith these three ;ords, ;hich she repe ted ;ith gre t emph sis, decl ring, it ; s one of the most noble nd sonorous n mes she h d e9er he rd7 He obser9ed th t ,b di h ; s n d9entitious ppell tion, deri9ed from his gre t= gr ndf ther, ;ho h d been one of the origin l co9en nters< but 3ism h go ; s the f mily surn me, t ken from pl ce in Scotl nd so c lled7 He like;ise dropped some hints bout the nti>uity of his pedigree, dding, ;ith smile of self=deni l, Sed genus et pro 9os, et >uoe non fecimus ipsi, 9ix e nostr 9oco, ;hich

>uot tion he expl ined in deference to the l dies< nd 0rs T bith did not f il to compliment him on his modesty in ; 9ing the merit of his ncestry, dding, th t it ; s the less necess ry to him, s he h d such consider ble fund of his o;n7 She no; beg n to gle; herself to his f 9our ;ith the grossest dul tion7 == She exp ti ted upon the nti>uity nd 9irtues of the Scottish n tion, upon their 9 lour, probity, le rning, nd politeness7 She e9en descended to encomiums on his o;n person l ddress, his g ll ntry, good sense, nd erudition7 == She ppe led to her brother, ;hether the c pt in ; s not the 9ery im ge of our cousin go9ernor Griffith7 She disco9ered surprising e gerness to kno; the p rticul rs of his life, nd sked thous nd >uestions concerning his tchie9ements in ; r< ll ;hich 0r 3ism h go ns;ered ;ith sort of jesuitic l reser9e, ffecting reluct nce to s tisfy her curiosity on subject th t concerned his o;n exploits7 5y dint of her interrog tions, ho;e9er, ;e le rned, th t he nd ensign 0urphy h d m de their esc pe from the .rench hospit l t 0ontre l, nd t ken to the ;oods, in hope of re ching some English settlement< but mist king their route, they fell in ;ith p rty of 0i mis, ;ho c rried them ; y in c pti9ity7 The intention of these +ndi ns ; s to gi9e one of them s n dopted son to 9ener ble s chem, ;ho h d lost his o;n in the course of the ; r, nd to s crifice the other ccording to the custom of the country7 0urphy, s being the younger nd h ndsomer of the t;o, ; s designed to fill the pl ce of the dece sed, not only s the son of the s chem, but s the spouse of be utiful s>u ;, to ;hom his predecessor h d been betrothed< but in p ssing through the different ;hig;h ms or 9ill ges of the 0i mis, poor 0urphy ; s so m ngled by the ;omen nd children, ;ho h 9e the pri9ilege of torturing ll prisoners in their p ss ge, th t, by the time they rri9ed t the pl ce of the s chem's residence, he ; s rendered ltogether unfit for the purposes of m rri ge? it ; s determined therefore, in the ssembly of the ; rriors, th t ensign 0urphy should be brought to the st ke, nd th t the l dy should be gi9en to lieuten nt 3ism h go, ;ho h d like;ise recei9ed his sh re of torments, though they h d not produced em scul tion7 == ! joint of one finger h d been cut, or r ther s ;ed off ;ith rusty knife< one of his gre t toes ; s crushed into m sh bet;ixt t;o stones< some of his teeth ;ere dr ;n, or dug out ;ith crooked n il< splintered reeds h d been thrust up his nostrils nd other tender p rts< nd the c l9es of his legs h d been blo;n up ;ith mines of gunpo;der dug in the flesh ;ith the sh rp point of the tom h ;k7 The +ndi ns themsel9es llo;ed th t 0urphy died ;ith gre t heroism, singing, s his de th song, the *rimmendoo, in concert ;ith 0r 3ism h go, ;ho ; s present t the solemnity7 !fter the ; rriors nd the m trons h d m de he rty me l upon the muscul r flesh ;hich they p red from the 9ictim, nd h d pplied gre t

9 riety of tortures, ;hich he bore ;ithout flinching, n old l dy, ;ith sh rp knife, scooped out one of his eyes, nd put burning co l in the socket7 The p in of this oper tion ; s so ex>uisite th t he could not help bello;ing, upon ;hich the udience r ised shout of exult tion, nd one of the ; rriors ste ling behind him, g 9e him the coup de gr ce ;ith h tchet7 3ism h go's bride, the s>u ; S>uinkin coost , distinguished herself on this occ sion7 == She she;ed gre t superiority of genius in the tortures ;hich she contri9ed nd executed ;ith her o;n h nds7 == She 9ied ;ith the stoutest ; rrior in e ting the flesh of the s crifice< nd fter ll the other fem les ;ere fuddled ;ith dr m=drinking, she ; s not so intoxic ted but th t she ; s ble to pl y the g me of the pl tter ;ith the conjuring s chem, nd fter; rds go through the ceremony of her o;n ;edding, ;hich ; s consumm ted th t s me e9ening7 The c pt in h d li9ed 9ery h ppily ;ith this ccomplished s>u ; for t;o ye rs, during ;hich she bore him son, ;ho is no; the represent ti9e of his mother's tribe< but, t length, to his unspe k ble grief, she h d died of fe9er, occ sioned by e ting too much r ; be r, ;hich they h d killed in hunting excursion7 5y this time, 0r 3ism h go ; s elected s chem, ckno;ledged first ; rrior of the 5 dger tribe, nd dignified ;ith the n me or epithet of ,cc c n st og ror , ;hich signifies nimble s ;e sel< but ll these d9 nt ges nd honours he ; s obliged to resign, in conse>uence of being exch nged for the or tor of the community, ;ho h d been t ken prisoner by the +ndi ns th t ;ere in lli nce ;ith the English7 !t the pe ce, he h d sold out upon h lf p y, nd ; s returned to 5rit in, ;ith 9ie; to p ss the rest of his life in his o;n country, ;here he hoped to find some retre t ;here his slender fin nces ;ould fford him decent subsistence7 Such re the outlines of 0r 3ism h go's history, to ;hich T bith did seriously incline her e r< == indeed, she seemed to be t ken ;ith the s me ch rms th t c pti9 ted the he rt of *esdemon , ;ho lo9ed the 0oor for the d ngers he h d p st7 The description of poor 0urphy's sufferings, ;hich thre; my sister 3iddy into s;oon, extr cted some sighs from the bre st of 0rs T bby? ;hen she understood he h d been rendered unfit for m rri ge, she beg n to spit, nd ej cul ted, '@esus, ;h t cruel b rb ri nsG' nd she m de ;ry f ces t the l dy's nupti l rep st< but she ; s e gerly curious to kno; the p rticul rs of her m rri ge=dress< ;hether she ;ore high=bre sted st ys or bodice, robe of silk or 9el9et, nd l ces of 0echlin or minionette == she supposed, s they ;ere connected ;ith the .rench, she used rouge, nd h d her h ir dressed in the P risi n f shion7 The c pt in ;ould h 9e declined gi9ing c t goric l expl n tion of ll these p rticul rs, obser9ing, in gener l, th t the +ndi ns ;ere too ten cious of their o;n customs to dopt the modes of ny n tion ;h tsoe9er< he s id, moreo9er, th t neither the simplicity of

their m nners nor the commerce of their country, ;ould dmit of those rticles of luxury ;hich re deemed m gnificence in Europe< nd th t they ;ere too 9irtuous nd sensible to encour ge the introduction of ny f shion ;hich might help to render them corrupt nd effemin te7 These obser9 tions ser9ed only to infl me her desire of kno;ing the p rticul rs bout ;hich she h d en>uired< nd, ;ith ll his e9 sion, he could not help disco9ering the follo;ing circumst nces == th t his princess h d neither shoes, stockings, shift, nor ny kind of linen == th t her brid l dress consisted of pettico t of red b ys, nd fringed bl nket, f stened bout her shoulders ;ith copper ske;er< but of orn ments she h d gre t plenty7 == Her h ir ; s curiously pl ited, nd inter;o9en ;ith bobbins of hum n bone == one eye=lid ; s p inted green, nd the other yello;< the cheeks ;ere blue, the lips ;hite, the teeth red, nd there ; s bl ck list dr ;n do;n the middle of the forehe d s f r s the tip of the nose == couple of g udy p rrot's fe thers ;ere stuck through the di9ision of the nostrils == there ; s blue stone set in the chin, her e r=rings consisted of t;o pieces of hickery, of the siDe nd sh pe of drum=sticks == her rms nd legs ;ere dorned ;ith br celets of ; mpum == her bre st glittered ;ith numerous strings of gl ss be ds == she ;ore curious pouch, or pocket of ;o9en gr ss, eleg ntly p inted ;ith 9 rious colours == bout her neck ; s hung the fresh sc lp of 0oh ;k ; rrior, ;hom her dece sed lo9er h d l tely sl in in b ttle == nd, fin lly, she ; s nointed from he d to foot ;ith be r's gre se, ;hich sent forth most gree ble odour7 ,ne ;ould im gine th t these p r phern li ;ould not h 9e been much dmired by modern fine l dy< but 0rs T bith ; s resol9ed to ppro9e of ll the c pt ins connexions7 == She ;ished, indeed, the s>u ; h d been better pro9ided ;ith linen< but she o;ned there ; s much t ste nd f ncy in her orn ments< she m de no doubt, therefore, th t m d m S>uinkin coost ; s young l dy of good sense nd r re ccomplishments, nd good christi n t bottom7 Then she sked ;hether his consort h d been high church or lo;=church, presbyteri n or n b ptist, or h d been f 9oured ;ith ny glimmering of the ne; light of the gospelC Ahen he confessed th t she nd her ;hole n tion ;ere utter str ngers to the christi n f ith, she g Ded t him ;ith signs of stonishment, nd Humphry Clinker, ;ho ch nced to be in the room, uttered hollo; gro n7 !fter some p use, '+n the n me of God, c pt in 3ism h go Ecried sheF, ;h t religion do they professC' '!s to religion, m d m E ns;ered the lieuten ntF, it is mong those +ndi ns m tter of gre t simplicity == they ne9er he rd of ny !lli nce bet;een Church nd St te7 == They, in gener l, ;orship t;o contending principles< one the .ount in of ll Good, the other the source of ll e9il7

The common people there, s in other countries, run into the bsurdities of superstition< but sensible men p y dor tion to Supreme 5eing, ;ho cre ted nd sust ins the uni9erse7' ',G ;h t pity Eexcl imed the pious T bbyF, th t some holy m n h s not been inspired to go nd con9ert these poor he thensG' The lieuten nt told her, th t ;hile he resided mong them, t;o .rench mission ries rri9ed, in order to con9ert them to the c tholic religion< but ;hen they t lked of mysteries nd re9el tions, ;hich they could neither expl in nor uthentic te, nd c lled in the e9idence of mir cles ;hich they belie9ed upon he rs y< ;hen they t ught th t the Supreme Cre tor of He 9en nd E rth h d llo;ed his only Son, his o;n e>u l in po;er nd glory, to enter the bo;els of ;om n, to be born s hum n cre ture, to be insulted, fl gell ted, nd e9en executed s m lef ctor< ;hen they pretended to cre te God himself, to s; llo;, digest, re9i9e, nd multiply him d infinitum, by the help of little flour nd ; ter, the +ndi ns ;ere shocked t the impiety of their presumption7 == They ;ere ex mined by the ssembly of the s chems ;ho desired them to pro9e the di9inity of their mission by some mir cle7 == They ns;ered, th t it ; s not in their po;er7 == '+f you ;ere re lly sent by He 9en for our con9ersion Es id one of the s chemsF, you ;ould cert inly h 9e some supern tur l endo;ments, t le st you ;ould h 9e the gift of tongues, in order to expl in your doctrine to the different n tions mong ;hich you re employed< but you re so ignor nt of our l ngu ge, th t you c nnot express yoursel9es e9en on the most trifling subjects7' +n ;ord, the ssembly ;ere con9inced of their being che ts, nd e9en suspected them of being spies? they ordered them b g of +ndi n corn piece, nd ppointed guide to conduct them to the frontiers< but the mission ries h 9ing more De l th n discretion, refused to >uit the 9iney rd7 == They persisted in s ying m ss, in pre ching, b ptiDing, nd s>u bbling ;ith the conjurers, or priests of the country, till they h d thro;n the ;hole community into confusion7 == Then the ssembly proceeded to try them s impious impostors, ;ho represented the !lmighty s trifling, ;e k, c pricious being, nd pretended to m ke, unm ke, nd reproduce him t ple sure< they ;ere, therefore, con9icted of bl sphemy nd sedition, nd condemned to the st le, ;here they died singing S l9e regin , in r pture of joy, for the cro;n of m rtyrdom ;hich they h d thus obt ined7 +n the course of this con9ers tion, lieuten nt 3ism h go dropt some hints by ;hich it ppe red he himself ; s free=thinker7 ,ur unt seemed to be st rtled t cert in s rc sms he thre; out g inst the creed of s int !th n sius == He d;elt much upon the ;ords, re son, philosophy, nd contr diction in terms == he bid defi nce to the eternity of hell=fire< nd e9en thre; such s>uibs t the immort lity of the soul, s singed little the ;hiskers of 0rs T bith 's f ith< for, by this time she beg n to look upon 3ism h go s prodigy of le rning nd s g city7 == +n short, he

could be no longer insensible to the d9 nces she m de to; rds his ffection< nd lthough there ; s something repulsi9e in his n ture, he o9erc me it so f r s to m ke some return to her ci9ilities7 == Perh ps, he thought it ;ould be no b d scheme, in super nnu ted lieuten nt on h lf=p y, to effect conjunction ;ith n old m id, ;ho, in ll prob bility, h d fortune enough to keep him e sy nd comfort ble in the f g=end of his d ys == !n ogling correspondence forth;ith commenced bet;een this mi ble p ir of origin ls == He beg n to s;eeten the n tur l cidity of his discourse ;ith the tre cle of compliment nd commend tion == He from time to time offered her snuff, of ;hich he himself took gre t >u ntities, nd e9en m de her present of purse of silk gr ss, ;o9en by the h nds of the mi ble S>uinkin coost , ;ho h d used it s shot=pouch in her hunting expeditions7 .rom *onc ster north; rds, ll the ;indo;s of ll the inns re scr ;led ;ith dogger l rhimes, in buse of the Scotch n tion< nd ;h t surprised me 9ery much, + did not percei9e one line ;ritten in the ; y of recrimin tion == Curious to he r ;h t 3ism h go ;ould s y on this subject, + pointed out to him 9ery scurrilous epigr m g inst his countrymen, ;hich ; s engr 9ed on one of the ;indo;s of the p rlour ;here ;e s t7 == He re d it ;ith the most st rched composure< nd ;hen + sked his opinion of the poetry, '+t is 9 r terse nd 9 r poign nt Es id heF< but ;ith the help of ; t dish=clout, it might be rendered more cle r nd p rspicuous7 == + m r9el much th t some modern ;it h s not published collection of these ess ys under the title of the Gl Diers Triumph o9er S ;ney the Scot == +'m persu ded it ;ould be 9 r gree ble offering to the p triots of 3ondon nd Aestminster7' Ahen + expressed some surpriDe th t the n ti9es of Scotl nd, ;ho tr 9el this ; y, h d not broke ll the ;indo;s upon the ro d, 'Aith submission Ereplied the lieuten ntF, th t ;ere but sh llo; policy == it ;ould only ser9e to m ke the s tire more cutting nd se9ere< nd + think it is much better to let it st nd in the ;indo;, th n h 9e it presented in the reckoning7' 0y uncle's j ;s beg n to >ui9er ;ith indign tion7 == He s id, the scribblers of such inf mous stuff deser9ed to be scourged t the c rt's t il for disgr cing their country ;ith such monuments of m lice nd stupidity7 == 'These 9ermin Es id heF do not consider, th t they re ffording their fello; subjects, ;hom they buse, continu l m tter of self=gr tul tion, s ;ell s the me ns of executing the most m nly 9enge nce th t c n be t ken for such lo;, illiber l tt cks7 .or my p rt, + dmire the philosophic forbe r nce of the Scots, s much s + despise the insolence of those ;retched libellers, ;hich is kin to the rrog nce of the 9ill ge cock, ;ho ne9er cro;s but upon his o;n dunghill7' The c pt in, ;ith n ffect tion of c ndour, obser9ed, th t men of illiber l minds ;ere produced in e9ery soil< th t in supposing those ;ere the sentiments of the English in gener l, he should p y too gre t compliment to is o;n country, ;hich ; s not of

conse>uence enough to ttr ct the en9y of such flourishing nd po;erful people7 0rs T bby broke forth g in in pr ise of his moder tion, nd decl red th t Scotl nd ; s the soil ;hich produced e9ery 9irtue under he 9en7 Ahen 3ism h go took his le 9e for the night, she sked her brother if the c pt in ; s not the prettiest gentlem n he h d e9er seen< nd ;hether there ; s not something ;onderfully eng ging in his spectC == 0r 5r mble h 9ing eyed her sometime in silence, 'Sister Es id heF, the lieuten nt is, for ught + kno;, n honest m n nd good officer == he h s consider ble sh re of underst nding, nd title to more encour gement th n he seems to h 9e met ;ith in life< but + c nnot, ;ith s fe conscience, ffirm, th t he is the prettiest gentlem n + e9er s ;< neither c n + descern ny eng ging ch rm in his counten nce, ;hich, + 9o; to God, is, on the contr ry, 9ery h rd=f 9oured nd forbidding7' + h 9e ende 9oured to ingr ti te myself ;ith this -orth=5riton, ;ho is re lly curiosity< but he h s been 9ery shy of my con9ers tion e9er since + l ughed t his sserting th t the English tongue ; s spoke ;ith more propriety t Edinburgh th n t 3ondon7 3ooking t me ;ith double s>ueeDe of souring in his spect, '+f the old definition be true Es id heF, th t risibility is the distinguishing ch r cteristic of r tion l cre ture, the English re the most distinguished for r tion lity of ny people + e9er kne;7' + o;ned, th t the English ;ere e sily struck ;ith ny thing th t ppe red ludicrous, nd pt to l ugh ccordingly< but it did not follo;, th t, bec use they ;ere more gi9en to l ughter, they h d more r tion lity th n their neighbours? + s id, such n inference ;ould be n injury to the Scots, ;ho ;ere by no me ns defecti9e in r tion lity, though gener lly supposed little subject to the impressions of humour7 The c pt in ns;ered, th t this supposition must h 9e been deduced either from their con9ers tion or their compositions, of ;hich the English could not possibly judge ;ith precision, s they did not underst nd the di lect used by the Scots in common discourse, s ;ell s in their ;orks of humour7 Ahen + desired to kno; ;h t those ;orks of humour ;ere, he mentioned consider ble number of pieces, ;hich he insisted ;ere e>u l in point of humour to ny thing ext nt in ny l ngu ge de d or li9ing == He, in p rticul r, recommended collection of det ched poems, in t;o sm ll 9olumes, intituled, The E9er=Green, nd the ;orks of !ll n 1 ms y, ;hich + intend to pro9ide myself ;ith t Edinburgh7 == He obser9ed, th t -orth=5riton is seen to dis d9 nt ge in n English comp ny, bec use he spe ks in di lect th t they c n't relish, nd in phr seology ;hich they don't underst nd7 == He therefore finds himself under restr int, ;hich is gre t enemy to ;it nd humour7 == These re f culties ;hich ne9er ppe r in full lustre, but ;hen the mind is perfectly t e se, nd, s n excellent ;riter s ys, enjoys her elbo;=room7

He proceeded to expl in his ssertion th t the English l ngu ge ; s spoken ;ith gre ter propriety t Edinburgh th n in 3ondon7 He s id, ;h t ;e gener lly c lled the Scottish di lect ; s, in f ct, true, genuine old English, ;ith mixture of some .rench terms nd idioms, dopted in long intercourse bet;ixt the .rench nd Scotch n tions< th t the modern English, from ffect tion nd f lse refinement, h d ;e kened, nd e9en corrupted their l ngu ge, by thro;ing out the guttur l sounds, ltering the pronunci tion nd the >u ntity, nd disusing m ny ;ords nd terms of gre t signific nce7 +n conse>uence of these inno9 tions, the ;orks of our best poets, such s Ch ucer, Spenser, nd e9en Sh kespe re, ;ere become, in m ny p rts, unintelligible to the n ti9es of South 5rit in, ;here s the Scots, ;ho ret in the ntient l ngu ge, underst nd them ;ithout the help of gloss ry7 '.or inst nce Es id heF, ho; h 9e your comment tors been puDDled by the follo;ing expression in the Tempest == He's gentle nd not fe rful? s if it ; s p r logism to s y, th t being gentle, he must of course be cour geous? but the truth is, one of the origin l me nings, if not the sole me ning, of th t ;ord ; s, noble, high=minded< nd to this d y, Scotch ;om n, in the situ tion of the young l dy in the Tempest, ;ould express herself ne rly in the s me terms == *on't pro9oke him< for being gentle, th t is, high=spirited, he ;on't t mely be r n insult7 Spenser, in the 9ery first st nD of his . iry Jueen, s ys, ! gentle knight ; s pricking on the pl in< ;hich knight, f r from being t me nd fe rful, ; s so stout th t -othing did he dre d, but e9er ; s ydr d7 To pro9e th t ;e h d imp ired the energy of our l ngu ge by f lse refinement, he mentioned the follo;ing ;ords, ;hich, though ;idely different in signific tion, re pronounced ex ctly in the s me m nner ;right, ;rite, right, rite< but mong the Scots, these ;ords re s different in pronunci tion, s they re in me ning nd orthogr phy< nd this is the c se ;ith m ny others ;hich he mentioned by ; y of illustr tion7 == He, moreo9er, took notice, th t ;e h d Efor ;h t re son he could ne9er le rnF ltered the sound of our 9o;els from th t ;hich is ret ined by ll the n tions in Europe< n lter tion ;hich rendered the l ngu ge extremely difficult to foreigners, nd m de it lmost impr ctic ble to l y do;n gener l rules for orthogr phy nd pronunci tion7 5esides, the 9o;els ;ere no longer simple sounds in the mouth of n Englishm n, ;ho pronounced both i nd u s dipthongs7 .in lly, he ffirmed, th t ;e mumbled our speech ;ith our lips nd teeth, nd r n the ;ords together ;ithout p use or distinction, in such m nner, th t foreigner, though he understood English toler bly ;ell, ; s often obliged to h 9e recourse to Scotchm n to expl in ;h t n ti9e of Engl nd h d

s id in his o;n l ngu ge7 The truth of this rem rk ; s confirmed by 0r 5r mble from his o;n experience< but he ccounted for it on nother principle7 He s id, the s me obser9 tion ;ould hold in ll l ngu ges< th t S;iss t lking .rench ; s more e sily understood th n P risi n, by foreigner ;ho h d not m de himself m ster of the l ngu ge< bec use e9ery l ngu ge h d its peculi r recit ti9e, nd it ;ould l; ys re>uire more p ins, ttention, nd pr ctice, to c>uire both the ;ords nd the music, th n to le rn the ;ords only< nd yet no body ;ould deny, th t the one ; s imperfect ;ithout the other? he therefore pprehended, th t the Scotchm n nd the S;iss ;ere better understood by le rners, bec use they spoke the ;ords only, ;ithout the music, ;hich they could not rehe rse7 ,ne ;ould im gine this check might h 9e d mped the -orth 5riton< but it ser9ed only to git te his humour for disput tion7 == He s id, if e9ery n tion h d its o;n recit ti9e or music, the Scots h d theirs, nd the Scotchm n ;ho h d not yet c>uired the c dence of the English, ;ould n tur lly use his o;n in spe king their l ngu ge< therefore, if he ; s better understood th n the n ti9e, his recit ti9e must be more intelligible th n th t of the English< of conse>uence, the di lect of the Scots h d n d9 nt ge o9er th t of their fello;=subjects, nd this ; s nother strong presumption th t the modern English h d corrupted their l ngu ge in the rticle of pronunci tion7 The lieuten nt ; s, by this time, become so polemic l, th t e9ery time he opened his mouth out fle; p r dox, ;hich he m int ined ;ith ll the enthusi sm of lterc tion< but ll his p r doxes f 9oured strong of p rti lity for his o;n country7 He undertook to pro9e th t po9erty ; s blessing to n tion< th t o tme l ; s prefer ble to ;he t=flour< nd th t the ;orship of Clo cin , in temples ;hich dmitted both sexes, nd e9ery r nk of 9ot ries promiscuously, ; s filthy species of idol try th t outr ged e9ery ide of delic cy nd decorum7 + did not so much ;onder t his bro ching these doctrines, s t the rguments, e>u lly ;himsic l nd ingenious, ;hich he dduced in support of them7 +n fine, lieuten nt 3ism h go is curiosity ;hich + h 9e not yet sufficiently perused< nd therefore + sh ll be sorry ;hen ;e lose his comp ny, though, God kno;s, there is nothing 9ery mi ble in his m nner or disposition7 == !s he goes directly to the south=;est di9ision of Scotl nd, nd ;e proceed in the ro d to 5er;ick, ;e sh ll p rt tomorro; t pl ce c lled .eltonbridge< nd, + d re s y, this sep r tion ;ill be 9ery grie9ous to our unt 0rs T bith , unless she h s recei9ed some fl ttering ssur nce of his meeting her g in7 +f + f il in my purpose of entert ining you ;ith these unimport nt occurrences, they ;ill t le st ser9e s exercises of p tience, for ;hich you re indebted to

2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1* 0,1PETH, @uly &:7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *,CT,1, + h 9e no; re ched the northern extremity of Engl nd, nd see, close to my ch mber=;indo;, the T;eed gliding through the rches of th t bridge ;hich connects this suburb to the to;n of 5er;ick7 == 2orkshire you h 9e seen, nd therefore + sh ll s y nothing of th t opulent pro9ince7 The city of *urh m ppe rs like confused he p of stones nd brick, ccumul ted so s to co9er mount in, round ;hich ri9er ;inds its br ;ling course7 The Streets re gener lly n rro;, d rk, nd unple s nt, nd m ny of them lmost imp ssible in conse>uence of their decli9ity7 The c thedr l is huge gloomy pile< but the clergy re ;ell lodged7 == The bishop li9es in princely m nner == the golden prebends keep plentiful t bles == nd, + m told, there is some good soci ble comp ny in the pl ce< but the country, ;hen 9ie;ed from the top of G teshe d=.ell, ;hich extends to -e;c stle, exhibits the highest scene of culti9 tion th t e9er + beheld7 !s for -e;c stle, it lies mostly in bottom, on the b nks of the Tyne, nd m kes n ppe r nce still more dis gree ble th n th t of *urh m< but it is rendered populous nd rich by industry nd commerce< nd the country lying on both sides the ri9er, bo9e the to;n, yields delightful prospect of griculture nd pl nt tion7 0orpeth nd !ln;ick re ne t, pretty to;ns, nd this l st is f mous for the c stle ;hich h s belonged so m ny ges to the noble house of Piercy, e rls of -orthumberl nd7 == +t is, doubtless, l rge edifice, cont ining gre t number of p rtments, nd st nds in comm nding situ tion< but the strength of it seems to h 9e consisted not so much in its site, or the m nner in ;hich it is fortified, s in the 9 lour of its defend nts7 ,ur d9entures since ;e left Sc rborough, re sc rce ;orth reciting< nd yet + must m ke you c>u inted ;ith my sister T bby's progress in husb nd=hunting, fter her dis ppointments t 5 th nd 3ondon7 She h d ctu lly begun to pr ctise upon cert in d9enturer, ;ho ; s in f ct high; ym n by profession< but he h d been used to sn res much more d ngerous th n ny she could l y, nd esc ped ccordingly7 Then she opened her b tteries upon n old ;e ther=be ten Scotch lieuten nt, c lled 3ism h go, ;ho joined us t *urh m, nd is, + think, one of the most singul r person ges + e9er encountered == His m nner is s h rsh s his counten nce< but his peculi r turn of thinking, nd his p ck of kno;ledge m de up of the remn nts of r rities, rendered his

con9ers tion desir ble, in spite of his ped ntry nd ungr cious ddress7 + h 9e often met ;ith cr b= pple in hedge, ;hich + h 9e been tempted to e t for its fl 9our, e9en ;hile + ; s disgusted by its usterity7 The spirit of contr diction is n tur lly so strong in 3ism h go, th t + belie9e in my conscience he h s rumm ged, nd re d, nd studied ;ith indef tig ble ttention, in order to >u lify himself to refute est blished m xims, nd thus r ise trophies for the gr tific tion of polemic l pride7 == Such is the sperity of his self=conceit, th t he ;ill not e9en c>uiesce in tr nsient compliment m de to his o;n indi9idu l in p rticul r, or to his country in gener l7 Ahen + obser9ed, th t he must h 9e re d 9 st number of books to be ble to discourse on such 9 riety of subjects, he decl red he h d re d little or nothing, nd sked ho; he should find books mong the ;oods of !meric , ;here he h d spent the gre test p rt of his life7 0y nephe; rem rking th t the Scots in gener l ;ere f mous for their le rning, he denied the imput tion, nd defied him to pro9e it from their ;orks == 'The Scots Es id heF h 9e slight tincture of letters, ;ith ;hich they m ke p r de mong people ;ho re more illiter te th n themsel9es< but they m y be s id to flo t on the surf ce of science, nd they h 9e m de 9ery sm ll d9 nces in the useful rts7' '!t le st Ecried T bbyF, ll the ;orld llo;s th t the Scots beh 9ed gloriously in fighting nd con>uering the s 9 ges of !meric 7' '+ c n ssure you, m d m, you h 9e been misinformed Ereplied the lieuten ntF< in th t continent the Scots did nothing more th n their duty, nor ; s there one corps in his m jesty's ser9ice th t distinguished itself more th n nother7 == Those ;ho ffected to extol the Scots for superior merit, ;ere no friends to th t n tion7' Though he himself m de free ;ith his countrymen, he ;ould not suffer ny other person to gl nce s rc sm t them ;ith impunity7 ,ne of the comp ny ch ncing to mention lord 5=='s inglorious pe ce, the lieuten nt immedi tely took up the cudgels in his lordship's f 9our, nd rgued 9ery strenuously to pro9e th t it ; s the most honour ble nd d9 nt geous pe ce th t Engl nd h d e9er m de since the found tion of the mon rchy7 == - y, bet;een friends, he offered such re sons on this subject, th t + ; s re lly confounded, if not con9inced7 == He ;ould not llo; th t the Scots bounded bo9e their proportion in the rmy nd n 9y of Gre t=5rit in, or th t the English h d ny re son to s y his countrymen h d met ;ith extr ordin ry encour gement in the ser9ice7 'Ahen South nd -orth=5riton Es id heF re competitors for pl ce or commission, ;hich is in the dispos l of n English minister or n English gener l, it ;ould be bsurd to suppose th t the preference ;ill not be gi9en to the n ti9e of Engl nd, ;ho h s so m ny d9 nt ges o9er his ri9 l7 == .irst nd foremost, he h s in his f 9our th t l ud ble p rti lity, ;hich, 0r !ddison s ys, ne9er f ils to cle 9e to the he rt of n Englishm n< secondly, he h s more po;erful connexions, nd gre ter sh re of p rli ment ry

interest, by ;hich those contests re gener lly decided< nd l stly, he h s gre ter comm nd of money to smooth the ; y to his success7 .or my o;n p rt Es id heF, + kno; no Scotch officer, ;ho h s risen in the rmy bo9e the r nk of sub ltern, ;ithout purch sing e9ery degree of preferment either ;ith money or recruits< but + kno; m ny gentlemen of th t country, ;ho, for ; nt of money nd interest, h 9e gro;n grey in the r nk of lieuten nts< ;here s 9ery fe; inst nces of this ill=fortune re to be found mong the n ti9es of South=5rit in7 == -ot th t + ;ould insinu te th t my countrymen h 9e the le st re son to compl in7 Preferment in the ser9ice, like success in ny other br nch of tr ffic, ;ill n tur lly f 9our those ;ho h 9e the gre test stock of c sh nd credit, merit nd c p city being supposed e>u l on ll sides7' 5ut the most h rdy of ll this origin l's positions ;ere these? Th t commerce ;ould, sooner or l ter, pro9e the ruin of e9ery n tion, ;here it flourishes to ny extent == th t the p rli ment ; s the rotten p rt of the 5ritish constitution == th t the liberty of the press ; s n tion l e9il == nd th t the bo sted institution of juries, s m n ged in Engl nd, ; s producti9e of sh meful perjury nd fl gr nt injustice7 He obser9ed, th t tr ffick ; s n enemy to ll the liber l p ssions of the soul, founded on the thirst of lucre, sordid disposition to t ke d9 nt ge of the necessities of our fello; cre tures7 == He ffirmed, the n ture of commerce ; s such, th t it could not be fixed or perpetu ted, but, h 9ing flo;ed to cert in height, ;ould immedi tely begin to ebb, nd so continue till the ch nnels should be left lmost dry< but there ; s no inst nce of the tide's rising second time to ny consider ble influx in the s me n tion7 0e n ;hile the sudden ffluence occ sioned by tr de, forced open ll the sluices of luxury nd o9erflo;ed the l nd ;ith e9ery species of proflig cy nd corruption< tot l pr 9ity of m nners ;ould ensue, nd this must be ttended ;ith b nkruptcy nd ruin7 He obser9ed of the p rli ment, th t the pr ctice of buying boroughs, nd c n9 ssing for 9otes, ; s n 9o;ed system of 9en lity, lre dy est blished on the ruins of principle, integrity, f ith, nd good order, in conse>uence of ;hich the elected nd the elector, nd, in short, the ;hole body of the people, ;ere e>u lly nd uni9ers lly cont min ted nd corrupted7 He ffirmed, th t of p rli ment thus constituted, the cro;n ;ould l; ys h 9e influence enough to secure gre t m jority in its dependence, from the gre t number of posts, pl ces, nd pensions it h d to besto;< th t such p rli ment ;ould E s it h d lre dy doneF lengthen the term of its sitting nd uthority, ;hene9er the prince should think it for his interest to continue the represent ti9es, for, ;ithout doubt, they h d the s me right to protect their uthority d infinitum, s they h d to extend it from three to se9en ye rs7 == Aith p rli ment, therefore, dependent upon the cro;n, de9oted to the prince, nd supported by st nding rmy, g rbled nd modelled for the purpose, ny king

of Engl nd m y, nd prob bly some mbitious so9ereign ;ill, tot lly o9erthro; ll the bul; rks of the constitution< for it is not to be supposed th t prince of high spirit ;ill t mely submit to be th; rted in ll his me sures, bused nd insulted by popul ce of unbridled ferocity, ;hen he h s it in his po;er to crush ll opposition under his feet ;ith the concurrence of the legisl ture7 He s id, he should l; ys consider the liberty of the press s n tion l e9il, ;hile it en bled the 9ilest reptile to soil the lustre of the most shining merit, nd furnished the most inf mous incendi ry ;ith the me ns of disturbing the pe ce nd destroying the good order of the community7 He o;ned, ho;e9er, th t under due restrictions, it ;ould be 9 lu ble pri9ilege< but ffirmed, th t t present there ; s no l ; in Engl nd sufficient to restr in it ;ithin proper bounds7 Aith respect to juries, he expressed himself to this effect? == juries re gener lly composed of illiter te plebei ns, pt to be mist ken, e sily misled, nd open to sinister influence< for if either of the p rties to be tried, c n g in o9er one of the t;el9e jurors, he h s secured the 9erdict in his f 9our< the jurym n thus brought o9er ;ill, in despight of ll e9idence nd con9iction, gener lly hold out till his fello;s re f tigued, nd h r ssed, nd st r9ed into concurrence< in ;hich c se the 9erdict is unjust, nd the jurors re ll perjured? but c ses ;ill often occur, ;hen the jurors re re lly di9ided in opinion, nd e ch side is con9inced in opposition to the other< but no 9erdict ;ill be recei9ed, unless they re un nimous, nd they re ll bound, not only in conscience, but by o th, to judge nd decl re ccording to their con9iction7 == Ah t then ;ill be the conse>uenceC == They must either st r9e in comp ny, or one side must s crifice their conscience to their con9enience, nd join in 9erdict ;hich they belie9e to be f lse7 This bsurdity is 9oided in S;eden, ;here b re m jority is sufficient< nd in Scotl nd, ;here t;o thirds of the jury re re>uired to concur in the 9erdict7 2ou must not im gine th t ll these deductions ;ere m de on his p rt, ;ithout contr dictions on mine7 == -o == the truth is, + found myself pi>ued in point of honour, t his pretending to be so much ;iser th n his neighbours7 == + >uestioned ll his ssertions, st rted innumer ble objections, rgued nd ;r ngled ;ith uncommon perse9er nce, nd gre; 9ery ; rm, nd e9en 9iolent, in the deb te7 == Sometimes he ; s puDDled, nd once or t;ice, + think, f irly refuted< but from those f lls he rose g in, like !nt eus, ;ith redoubled 9igour, till t length + ; s tired, exh usted, nd re lly did not kno; ho; to proceed, ;hen luckily he dropped hint, by ;hich he disco9ered he h d been bred to the l ;< confession ;hich en bled me to retire from the dispute ;ith good gr ce, s it could not be supposed th t m n like me, ;ho h d been bred to nothing, should be ble to cope ;ith 9eter n in his o;n profession7 + belie9e, ho;e9er, th t + sh ll for some

time continue to che; the cud of reflection upon m ny obser9 tions ;hich this origin l disch rged7 Ahether our sister T bby ; s re lly struck ;ith his con9ers tion, or is resol9ed to thro; t e9ery thing she meets in the sh pe of m n, till she c n f sten the m trimoni l noose, cert in it is, she h s t ken desper te strides to; rds the ffection of 3ism h go, ;ho c nnot be s id to h 9e met her h lf ; y, though he does not seem ltogether insensible to her ci9ilities7 == She insinu ted more th n once ho; h ppy ;e should be to h 9e his comp ny through th t p rt of Scotl nd ;hich ;e proposed to 9isit, till t length he pl inly told us, th t his ro d ; s tot lly different from th t ;hich ;e intended to t ke< th t, for his p rt, his comp ny ;ould be of 9ery little ser9ice to us in our progress, s he ; s utterly un c>u inted ;ith the country, ;hich he h d left in his e rly youth, conse>uently, he could neither direct us in our en>uiries, nor introduce us to ny f mily of distinction7 He s id, he ; s stimul ted by n irresistible impulse to re9isit the p ternus l r, or p tri domus, though he expected little s tisf ction, in smuch s he understood th t his nephe;, the present possessor, ; s but ill >u lified to support the honour of the f mily7 == He ssured us, ho;e9er, s ;e design to return by the ;est ro d, th t he ;ill ; tch our motions, nd ende 9our to p y his respects to us t *umfries7 == !ccordingly he took his le 9e of us t pl ce h lf ; y bet;ixt 0orpeth nd !ln;ick, nd pr nced ; y in gre t st te, mounted on t ll, me gre, r ;=boned, sh mbling grey gelding, ;ithout e'er tooth in his he d, the 9ery counter=p rt of the rider< nd, indeed, the ppe r nce of the t;o ; s so pictures>ue, th t + ;ould gi9e t;enty guine s to h 9e them toler bly presented on c n9 s7 -orthumberl nd is fine county, extending to the T;eed, ;hich is ple s nt p stor l stre m< but you ;ill be surprised ;hen + tell you th t the English side of th t ri9er is neither so ;ell culti9 ted nor so populous s the other7 == The f rms re thinly sc ttered, the l nds uninclosed, nd sc rce gentlem n's se t is to be seen in some miles from the T;eed< ;here s the Scots re d9 nced in cro;ds to the 9ery brink of the ri9er, so th t you m y reckon bo9e thirty good houses, in the comp ss of fe; miles, belonging to proprietors ;hose ncestors h d fortified c stles in the s me situ tions, circumst nce th t she;s ;h t d ngerous neighbours the Scots must h 9e formerly been to the northern counties of Engl nd7 ,ur domestic oeconomy continues on the old footing7 == 0y sister T bby still dheres to methodism, nd h d the benefit of sermon t Aesley's meeting in -e;c stle< but + belie9e the P ssion of lo9e h s in some me sure b ted the fer9our of de9otion both in her nd her ;om n, 0rs @enkins, bout ;hose good gr ces there h s been 9iolent contest bet;ixt my nephe;'s 9 let, 0r *utton, nd my m n, Humphry Clinker7 == @ery h s been obliged to interpose his

uthority to keep the pe ce, nd to him + h 9e left the discussion of th t import nt ff ir, ;hich h d like to h 9e kindled the fl mes of discord in the f mily of 2ours l; ys, 0!TT7 51!053E TAEE*0,/TH, @uly &L7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 t ,xon7 *E!1 A!T, +n my t;o l st you h d so much of 3ism h go, th t + suppose you re gl d he is gone off the st ge for the present7 == + must no; descend to domestic occurrences7 == 3o9e, it seems, is resol9ed to ssert his dominion o9er ll the fem les of our f mily7 == !fter h 9ing pr ctised upon poor 3iddy's he rt, nd pl yed str nge 9 g ries ;ith our unt 0rs T bith , he beg n to run riot in the ffections of her ;om n, 0rs Ainifred @enkins, ;hom + h 9e h d occ sion to mention more th n once in the course of our memoirs7 - ture intended @enkins for something 9ery different from the ch r cter of her mistress< yet custom nd h bit h 9e effected ;onderful resembl nce bet;ixt them in m ny p rticul rs7 Ain, to be sure, is much younger nd more gree ble in her person< she is like;ise tender=he rted nd bene9olent, >u lities for ;hich her mistress is by no me ns rem rk ble, no more th n she is for being of timorous disposition, nd much subject to fits of the mother, ;hich re the infirmities of Ain's constitution? but then she seems to h 9e dopted 0rs T bby's m nner ;ith her c st clo ths7 == She dresses nd ende 9ours to look like her mistress, lthough her o;n looks re much more eng ging7 == She enters into her scheme of oeconomy, le rns her phr ses, repe ts her rem rks, imit tes her stile in scolding the inferior ser9 nts, nd, fin lly, subscribes implicitly to her system of de9otion7 == This, indeed, she found the more gree ble, s it ; s in gre t me sure introduced nd confirmed by the ministry of Clinker, ;ith ;hose person l merit she seems to h 9e been struck e9er since he exhibited the p ttern of his n ked skin t 0 rlborough7 -e9ertheless, though Humphry h d this double h nk upon her inclin tions, nd exerted ll his po;er to m int in the con>uest he h d m de, he found it impossible to gu rd it on the side of 9 nity, ;here poor Ain ; s s fr il s ny fem le in the kingdom7 +n short, my r sc l *utton professed himself her dmirer, nd, by dint of his outl ndish >u lific tions, thre; his ri9 l Clinker out of the s ddle of her he rt7 Humphry m y be comp red to n English pudding, composed of good ;holesome flour nd suet, nd *utton to syll bub or iced froth, ;hich, though gree ble to the t ste, h s nothing solid or subst nti l7 The tr itor not only

d DDled her, ;ith his second=h nd finery, but he f ;ned, nd fl ttered, nd cringed == he t ught her to t ke r ppee, nd presented her ;ith snuff=box of p pier m che == he supplied her ;ith po;der for her teeth == he mended her complexion, nd he dressed her h ir in the P ris f shion == he undertook to be her .rench m ster nd her d ncing=m ster, s ;ell s friseur, nd thus imperceptibly ;ound himself into her good gr ces7 Clinker percei9ed the progress he h d m de, nd repined in secret7 == He ttempted to open her eyes in the ; y of exhort tion, nd finding it produced no effect h d recourse to pr yer7 !t -e;c stle, ;hile he ttended 0rs T bby to the methodist meeting his ri9 l ccomp nied 0rs @enkins to the pl y7 He ; s dressed in silk co t, m de t P ris for his former m ster, ;ith t ;dry ; istco t of t rnished broc de< he ;ore his h ir in gre t b g ;ith huge solit ire, nd long s;ord d ngled from his thigh7 The l dy ; s ll of flutter ;ith f ded lutestring, ; shed g uDe, nd ribbons three times refreshed< but she ; s most rem rk ble for the frisure of her he d, ;hich rose, like pyr mid, se9en inches bo9e the sc lp, nd her f ce ; s primed nd p tched from the chin up to the eyes< n y, the g ll nt himself h d sp red neither red nor ;hite in impro9ing the n ture of his o;n complexion7 +n this ttire, they ; lked together through the high street to the the tre, nd s they p ssed for pl yers re dy dressed for cting, they re ched it unmolested< but s it ; s still light ;hen they returned, nd by th t time the people h d got inform tion of their re l ch r cter nd condition, they hissed nd hooted ll the ; y, nd 0rs @enkins ; s ll besp ttered ;ith dirt, s ;ell s insulted ;ith the opprobrious n me of p inted @eD bel, so th t her fright nd mortific tion thre; her into n hysteric fit the moment she c me home7 Clinker ; s so incensed t *utton, ;hom he considered s the c use of her disgr ce, th t he upbr ided him se9erely for h 9ing turned the poor ;om n's br in7 The other ffected to tre t him ;ith contempt, nd mist king his forbe r nce for ; nt of cour ge, thre tened to horse=;hip him into good m nners7 Humphry then c me to me, humbly begging + ;ould gi9e him le 9e to ch stise my ser9 nt for his insolence == 'He h s ch llenged me to fight him t s;ord's point Es id heF< but + might s ;ell ch llenge him to m ke horse=shoe, or plough iron< for + kno; no more of the one th n he does of the other7 == 5esides, it doth not become ser9 nts to use those ;e pons, or to cl im the pri9ilege of gentlemen to kill one nother ;hen they f ll out< moreo9er, + ;ould not h 9e his blood upon my conscience for ten thous nd times the profit or s tisf ction + should get by his de th< but if your honour ;on't be ngry, +'ll eng ge to gee 'en good drubbing, th t, m y h p, ;ill do 'en ser9ice, nd +'ll t ke c re it sh ll do 'en no h rm7' + s id, + h d no objection to ;h t he proposed, pro9ided he could m n ge m tters so s not to be found the ggressor, in c se *utton should prosecute him for n ss ult nd b ttery7

Thus licensed, he retired< nd th t s me e9ening e sily pro9oked his ri9 l to strike the first blo;, ;hich Clinker returned ;ith such interest th t he ; s obliged to c ll for >u rter, decl ring, t the s me time, th t he ;ould ex ct se9ere nd bloody s tisf ction the moment ;e should p ss the border, ;hen he could run him through the body ;ithout fe r of the conse>uence7 == This scene p ssed in presence of lieuten nt 3ism h go, ;ho encour ged Clinker to h D rd thrust of cold iron ;ith his nt gonist7 'Cold iron Ecried HumphryF + sh ll ne9er use g inst the life of ny hum n cre ture< but + m so f r from being fr id of his cold iron, th t + sh ll use nothing in my defence but good cudgel, ;hich sh ll l; ys be t his ser9ice7' +n the me n time, the f ir c use of this contest, 0rs Ainifred @enkins, seemed o9er;helmed ;ith ffliction, nd 0r Clinker cted much on the reser9e, though he did not presume to find f ult ;ith her conduct7 The dispute bet;een the t;o ri9 ls ; s soon brought to 9ery unexpected issue7 !mong our fello;=lodgers t 5er;ick, ; s couple from 3ondon, bound to Edinburgh, on the 9oy ge of m trimony7 The fem le ; s the d ughter nd heiress of p ;nbroker dece sed, ;ho h d gi9en her gu rdi ns the slip, nd put herself under the tuition of t ll Hiberni n, ;ho h d conducted her thus f r in >uest of clergym n to unite them in m rri ge, ;ithout the form lities re>uired by the l ; of Engl nd7 + kno; not ho; the lo9er h d beh 9ed on the ro d, so s to decline in the f 9our of his in mor t < but, in ll prob bility, *utton percei9ed coldness on her side, ;hich encour ged him to ;hisper, it ; s pity she should h 9e c st ffections upon t ylor, ;hich he ffirmed the +rishm n to be7 This disco9ery completed her disgust, of ;hich my m n t king the d9 nt ge, beg n to recommend himself to her good gr ces, nd the smooth=tongued r sc l found no difficulty to insinu te himself into the pl ce of her he rt, from ;hich the other h d been disc rded == Their resolution ; s immedi tely t ken7 +n the morning, before d y, ;hile poor Te gue l y snoring =bed, his indef tig ble ri9 l ordered post=ch ise, nd set out ;ith the l dy for Coldstre m, fe; miles up the T;eed, ;here there ; s p rson ;ho de lt in this br nch of commerce, nd there they ;ere noosed, before the +rishm n e9er dre mt of the m tter7 5ut ;hen he got up t six o'clock, nd found the bird ; s flo;n, he m de such noise s l rmed the ;hole house7 ,ne of the first persons he encountered, ; s the postilion returned from Coldstre m, ;here he h d been ;itness to the m rri ge, nd o9er nd bo9e n h ndsome gr tuity, h d recei9ed bride's f 9our, ;hich he no; ;ore in his c p == Ahen the fors ken lo9er understood they ;ere ctu lly m rried, nd set out for 3ondon< nd th t *utton h d disco9ered to the l dy, th t he Ethe Hiberni nF ; s t ylor, he h d like to h 9e run distr cted7 He tore the ribbon from the fello;'s c p, nd be t it bout his e rs7 He s;ore he ;ould pursue him to the g tes of hell, nd ordered post=ch ise nd four to be got re dy s soon

s possible< but, recollecting th t his fin nces ;ould not dmit of this ; y of tr 9elling, he ; s obliged to counterm nd this order7 .or my p rt, + kne; nothing t ll of ;h t h d h ppened, till the postilion brought me the keys of my trunk nd portm nte u, ;hich he h d recei9ed from *utton, ;ho sent me his respects, hoping + ;ould excuse him for his brupt dep rture, s it ; s step upon ;hich his fortune depended7 5efore + h d time to m ke my uncle c>u inted ;ith this e9ent, the +rishm n burst into my ch mber, ;ithout ny introduction, excl iming, == '5y my soul, your s r9 nt h s robbed me of fi9e thous nd pounds, nd +'ll h 9e s tisf ction, if + should be h nged tomorro;7' == Ahen + sked him ;ho he ; s, '0y n me Es id heF is 0 ster 0 cloughlin but it should be 3eighlin ,ne le, for + m come from Tir=,;en the Gre t< nd so + m s good gentlem n s ny in +rel nd< nd th t rogue, your s r9 nt, s id + ; s t ylor, ;hich ; s s big lie s if he h d c lled me the pope == +'m m n of fortune, nd h 9e spent ll + h d< nd so being in distress, 0r Coshgr 9e, the f shioner in Shuffolk=street, tuck me out, nd m de me his o;n pri9 te shecret ry? by the s me token, + ; s the l st he b iled< for his friends obliged him to tie himself up, th t he ;ould b il no more bo9e ten pounds< for ;hy, bec se s ho;, he could not refuse ny body th t sked, nd therefore in time ;ould h 9e robbed himself of his ;hole fortune, nd, if he h d li9ed long t th t r te, must h 9e died b nkrupt 9ery soon nd so + m de my ddresses to 0iss Skinner, young l dy of fi9e thous nd pounds fortune, ;ho greed to t ke me for better nor ;orse< nd, to be sure, this d y ;ould h 9e put me in possession, if it h d not been for th t rogue, your s r9 nt, ;ho c me like tief, nd stole ; y my property, nd m de her belie9e + ; s t ylor< nd th t she ; s going to m rry the ninth p rt of m n? but the de9il burn my soul, if e9er + c tch him on the mount ins of Tulloghobegly, if + don't she; him th t +'m nine times s good m n s he, or e'er bug of his country7' Ahen he h d rung out his first l rm, + told him + ; s sorry he h d llo;ed himself to be so jockied< but it ; s no business of mine< nd th t the fello; ;ho robbed him of his bride, h d like;ise robbed me of my ser9 nt == '*idn't + tell you then Ecried heF th t 1ogue ; s his true Christi n n me7 == ,h if + h d but one f ir trust ;ith him upon the sod, +'d gi9e him l 9e to br g ll the rest of his life7' 0y uncle he ring the noise, c me in, nd being informed of this d9enture, beg n to comfort 0r ,ne le for the l dy's elopement< obser9ing th t he seemed to h 9e h d lucky esc pe, th t it ; s better she should elope before, th n fter m rri ge == The Hiberni n ; s of 9ery different opinion7 He s id, '+f he h d been once m rried, she might h 9e eloped s soon s she ple sed< he ;ould h 9e t ken c re th t she should not h 9e c rried her

fortune long ;ith her == !h Es id heF she's @ud s +sc riot, nd h s betr yed me ;ith kiss< nd, like @ud s, she c rried the b g, nd h s not left me money enough to be r my expences b ck to 3ondon< nd so +'m come to this p ss, nd the rogue th t ; s the occ sion of it h s left you ;ithout s r9 nt, you m y put me in his pl ce< nd by @ sus, it is the best thing you c n do7' == + begged to be excused, decl ring + could put up ;ith ny incon9enience, r ther th n tre t s footm n the descend nt of Tir=,;en the Gre t7 + d9ised him to return to his friend, 0r Cosgr 9e, nd t ke his p ss ge from -e;c stle by se , to; rds ;hich + m de him sm ll present, nd he retired, seemingly resigned to his e9il fortune7 + h 9e t ken upon tri l Scotchm n, c lled !rchy 0'!lpin, n old soldier, ;hose l st m ster, colonel, l tely died t 5er;ick7 The fello; is old nd ;ithered< but he h s been recommended to me for his fidelity, by 0rs Humphreys, 9ery good sort of ;om n, ;ho keeps the inn t T;eedmouth, nd is much respected by ll the tr 9ellers on this ro d7 Clinker, ;ithout doubt, thinks himself h ppy in the remo9 l of d ngerous ri9 l, nd he is too good Christi n, to repine t *utton's success7 E9en 0rs @enkins ;ill h 9e re son to congr tul te herself upon this e9ent, ;hen she cooly reflects upon the m tter< for, ho;soe9er she ; s forced from her poise for se son, by sn res l id for her 9 nity, Humphry is cert inly the north=st r to ;hich the needle of her ffection ;ould h 9e pointed t the long run7 !t present, the s me 9 nity is exceedingly mortified, upon finding herself b ndoned by her ne; dmirer, in f 9our of nother in mor t 7 She recei9ed the ne;s ;ith 9iolent burst of l ughter, ;hich soon brought on fit of crying< nd this g 9e the finishing blo; to the p tience of her mistress, ;hich h d held out beyond ll expect tion7 She no; opened ll those floodg tes of reprehension, ;hich h d been shut so long7 She not only repro ched her ;ith her le9ity nd indiscretion, but tt cked her on the score of religion, decl ring roundly th t she ; s in st te of post cy nd reprob tion< nd fin lly, thre tened to send her p cking t this extremity of the kingdom7 !ll the f mily interceded for poor Ainifred, not e9en excepting her slighted s; in, 0r Clinker, ;ho, on his knees, implored nd obt ined her p rdon7 There ; s, ho;e9er, nother consider tion th t g 9e 0rs T bith some disturb nce7 !t -e;c stle, the ser9 nts h d been informed by some ; g, th t there ; s nothing to e t in Scotl nd, but o t=me l nd sheep's=he ds< nd lieuten nt 3ism h go being consulted, ;h t he s id ser9ed r ther to confirm th n to refute the report7 ,ur unt being pprised of this circumst nce, 9ery gr 9ely d9ised her brother to pro9ide sumpter horse ;ith store of h ms, tongues, bre d, biscuit, nd other rticles for our subsistence, in the course of our peregrin tion, nd 0r 5r mble s gr 9ely replied, th t he ;ould t ke the hint into

consider tion? but, finding no such pro9ision ; s m de, she no; re9i9ed the propos l, obser9ing th t there ; s toler ble m rket t 5er;ick, ;here ;e might be supplied< nd th t my m n's horse ;ould ser9e s be st of burthen == The 's>uire, shrugging his shoulders, eyed her sk nce ;ith look of ineff ble contempt? nd, fter some p use, 'Sister Es id heF, + c n h rdly persu de myself you re serious7' She ; s so little c>u inted ;ith the geogr phy of the isl nd, th t she im gined ;e could not go to Scotl nd but by se < nd, fter ;e h d p ssed through the to;n of 5er;ick, ;hen he told her ;e ;ere upon Scottish ground, she could h rdly belie9e the ssertion == +f the truth must be told, the South 5ritons in gener l re ;oefully ignor nt in this p rticul r7 Ah t, bet;een ; nt of curiosity, nd tr dition l s rc sms, the effect of ncient nimosity, the people t the other end of the isl nd kno; s little of Scotl nd s of @ p n7 +f + h d ne9er been in A les, + should h 9e been more struck ;ith the m nifest difference in ppe r nce bet;ixt the pe s nts nd common lty on different sides of the T;eed7 The boors of -orthumberl nd re lusty fello;s, fresh complexioned, cle nly, nd ;ell clo thed< but the l bourers in Scotl nd re gener lly l nk, le n, h rd=fe tured, s llo;, soiled, nd sh bby, nd their little pinched blue c ps h 9e begg rly effect7 The c ttle re much in the s me stile ;ith their dri9ers, me gre, stunted, nd ill e>uipt7 Ahen + t lked to my uncle on this subject, he s id, 'Though ll the Scottish hinds ;ould not be r to be comp red ;ith those of the rich counties of South 5rit in, they ;ould st nd 9ery ;ell in competition ;ith the pe s nts of .r nce, +t ly, nd S 9oy == not to mention the mount ineers of A les, nd the red=sh nks of +rel nd7' Ae entered Scotl nd by frightful moor of sixteen miles, ;hich promises 9ery little for the interior p rts of the kingdom< but the prospect mended s ;e d9 nced7 P ssing through *unb r, ;hich is ne t little to;n, situ ted on the se =side, ;e l y t country inn, ;here our entert inment f r exceeded our expect tion< but for this ;e c nnot gi9e the Scots credit, s the l ndlord is n ti9e of Engl nd7 2esterd y ;e dined t H ddington, ;hich h s been pl ce of some consider tion, but is no; gone to dec y< nd in the e9ening rri9ed t this metropolis, of ;hich + c n s y 9ery little7 +t is 9ery rom ntic, from its situ tion on the decli9ity of hill, h 9ing fortified c stle t the top, nd roy l p l ce t the bottom7 The first thing th t strikes the nose of str nger, sh ll be n meless< but ;h t first strikes the eye, is the unconscion ble height of the houses, ;hich gener lly rise to fi9e, six, se9en, nd eight stories, nd, in some pl ces E s + m ssuredF, to t;el9e7 This m nner of building, ttended ;ith numberless incon9eniences, must h 9e been origin lly o;ing to ; nt of room7 Cert in it is, the to;n seems to be full of people? but their looks, their l ngu ge, nd their customs, re so different from ours, th t + c n h rdly

belie9e myself in Gre t=5rit in7 The inn t ;hich ;e put up Eif it m y be so c lledF ; s so filthy nd dis gree ble in ll respects, th t my uncle beg n to fret, nd his gouty symptoms to recur == 1ecollecting, ho;e9er, th t he h d letter of recommend tion to one 0r 0itchelson, l ;yer, he sent it by his ser9 nt, ;ith compliment, importing th t ;e ;ould ; it upon him next d y in person< but th t gentlem n 9isited us immedi tely, nd insisted upon our going to his o;n house, until he could pro9ide lodgings for our ccommod tion7 Ae gl dly ccepted, of his in9it tion, nd rep ired to his house, ;here ;e ;ere tre ted ;ith e>u l eleg nce nd hospit lity, to the utter confusion of our unt, ;hose prejudices, though beginning to gi9e ; y, ;ere not yet entirely remo9ed7 To=d y, by the ssist nce of our friend, ;e re settled in con9enient lodgings, up four p ir of st irs, in the High=street, the fourth story being, in this city, reckoned more genteel th n the first7 The ir is, in ll prob bility, the better< but it re>uires good lungs to bre the it t this dist nce bo9e the surf ce of the e rth7 == Ahile + do rem in bo9e it, ;hether higher or lo;er, pro9ided + bre the t ll, + sh ll e9er be, *e r Phillips, yours, @7 0E3.,1* @uly &I7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 3EA+S, Th t p rt of Scotl nd contiguous to 5er;ick, n ture seems to h 9e intended s b rrier bet;een t;o hostile n tions7 +t is bro;n desert of consider ble extent, th t produces nothing but he th nd fern< nd ;h t rendered it the more dre ry ;hen ;e p ssed, there ; s thick fog th t hindered us from seeing bo9e t;enty y rds from the c rri ge == 0y sister beg n to m ke ;ry f ces, nd use her smelling=bottle< 3iddy looked bl nk, nd 0rs @enkins dejected< but in fe; hours these clouds ;ere dissip ted< the se ppe red upon our right, nd on the left the mount ins retired little, le 9ing n gree ble pl in bet;ixt them nd the be ch< but, ;h t surprised us ll, this pl in, to the extent of se9er l miles, ; s co9ered ;ith s fine ;he t s e9er + s ; in the most fertile p rts of South 5rit in == This plentiful crop is r ised in the open field, ;ithout ny inclosure, or other m nure th n the lg m rin , or se ;eed, ;hich bounds on this co st< circumst nce ;hich she;s th t the soil nd clim te re f 9our ble< but th t griculture in this country is not yet

brought to th t perfection ;hich it h s tt ined in Engl nd7 +nclosures ;ould not only keep the grounds ; rm, nd the se9er l fields distinct, but ;ould lso protect the crop from the high ;inds, ;hich re so fre>uent in this p rt of the isl nd7 *unb r is ;ell situ ted for tr de, nd h s curious b son, ;here ships of sm ll burthen m y be perfectly secure< but there is little ppe r nce of business in the pl ce == .rom thence, ll the ; y to Edinburgh, there is continu l succession of fine se ts, belonging to noblemen nd gentlemen< nd s e ch is surrounded by its o;n p rks nd pl nt tion, they produce 9ery ple sing effect in country ;hich lies other;ise open nd exposed7 !t *unb r there is noble p rk, ;ith lodge, belonging to the *uke of 1oxburgh, ;here ,li9er Crom;ell h d his he d=>u rters, ;hen 3esley, t the he d of Scotch rmy, took possession of the mount ins in the neighbourhood, nd h mpered him in such m nner, th t he ;ould h 9e been obliged to emb rk nd get ; y by se , h d not the f n ticism of the enemy forfeited the d9 nt ge ;hich they h d obt ined by their gener l's conduct == Their ministers, by exhort tion, pr yer, ssur nce, nd prophecy, instig ted them to go do;n nd sl y the Philistines in Gilg l, nd they >uitted their ground ccordingly, not;ithst nding ll th t 3esley could do to restr in the m dness of their enthusi sm == Ahen ,li9er s ; them in motion, he excl imed, 'Pr ised be the 3ord, he h th deli9ered them into the h nds of his ser9 ntG' nd ordered his troops to sing ps lm of th nksgi9ing, ;hile they d9 nced in order to the pl in, ;here the Scots ;ere routed ;ith gre t sl ughter7 +n the neighbourhood of H ddington, there is gentlem n's house, in the building of ;hich, nd the impro9ements bout it, he is s id to h 9e expended forty thous nd pounds? but + c nnot s y + ; s much ple sed ;ith either the rchitecture or the situ tion< though it h s in front p stor l stre m, the b nks of ;hich re l id out in 9ery gree ble m nner7 + intended to p y my respects to 3ord Elib nk, ;hom + h d the honour to kno; t 3ondon m ny ye rs go7 He li9es in this p rt of 3othi n< but ; s gone to the -orth, on 9isit == 2ou h 9e often he rd me mention this noblem n, ;hom + h 9e long re9ered for his hum nity nd uni9ers l intelligence, o9er nd bo9e the entert inment rising from origin lity of his ch r cter == !t 0usselburgh, ho;e9er, + h d the good=fortune to drink te ;ith my old friend 0r C rdonel< nd t his house + met ;ith *r C==, the p rson of the p rish, ;hose humour nd con9ers tion infl med me ;ith desire of being better c>u inted ;ith his person == + m not t ll surprised th t these Scots m ke their ; y in e9ery >u rter of the globe7 This pl ce is but four miles from Edinburgh, to; rds ;hich ;e proceeded long the se =shore, upon firm bottom of smooth s nd, ;hich the tide h d left unco9ered in its retre t == Edinburgh, from this 9enue, is not seen to much d9 nt ge == Ae h d only n

imperfect 9ie; of the C stle nd upper p rts of the to;n, ;hich 9 ried incess ntly ccording to the inflexions of the ro d, nd exhibited the ppe r nce of det ched spires nd turrets, belonging to some m gnificent edifice in ruins7 The p l ce of Holyrood house st nds on the left, s you enter the C non=g te == This is street continued from hence to the g te c lled -ether 5o;, ;hich is no; t ken ; y< so th t there is no interruption for long mile, from the bottom to the top of the hill on ;hich the c stle st nds in most imperi l situ tion == Considering its fine p 9ement, its ;idth, nd the lofty houses on e ch side, this ;ould be undoubtedly one of the noblest streets in Europe, if n ugly m ss of me n buildings, c lled the 3ucken=5ooths, h d not thrust itself, by ;h t ccident + kno; not, into the middle of the ; y, like 0iddle=1o; in Holborn7 The city st nds upon t;o hills, nd the bottom bet;een them< nd, ;ith ll its defects, m y 9ery ;ell p ss for the c pit l of moder te kingdom7 == +t is full of people, nd continu lly resounds ;ith the noise of co ches nd other c rri ges, for luxury s ;ell s commerce7 !s f r s + c n percei9e, here is no ; nt of pro9isions == The beef nd mutton re s delic te here s in A les< the se ffords plenty of good fish< the bre d is rem rk bly fine< nd the ; ter is excellent, though +'m fr id not in sufficient >u ntity to ns;er ll the purposes of cle nliness nd con9enience< rticles in ;hich, it must be llo;ed, our fello;=subjects re little defecti9e == The ; ter is brought in le den pipes from mount in in the neighbourhood, to cistern on the C stle=hill, from ;hence it is distributed to public conduits in different p rts of the city7 .rom these it is c rried in b rrels, on the b cks of m le nd fem le porters, up t;o, three, four, fi9e, six, se9en, nd eight p irs of st irs, for the use of p rticul r f milies == E9ery story is complete house, occupied by sep r te f mily< nd the st ir being common to them ll, is gener lly left in 9ery filthy condition< m n must tre d ;ith gre t circumspection to get s fe housed ;ith unpolluted shoes == -othing c n form stronger contr st, th n the difference bet;ixt the outside nd inside of the door, for the good=;omen of this metropolis re rem rk bly nice in the orn ments nd propriety of their p rtments, s if they ;ere resol9ed to tr nsfer the imput tion from the indi9idu l to the public7 2ou re no str nger to their method of disch rging ll their impurities from their ;indo;s, t cert in hour of the night, s the custom is in Sp in, Portug l, nd some p rts of .r nce nd +t ly == ! pr ctice to ;hich + c n by no me ns be reconciled< for not;ithst nding ll the c re th t is t ken by their sc 9engers to remo9e this nuis nce e9ery morning by bre k of d y, enough still rem ins to offend the eyes, s ;ell s other org ns of those ;hom use h s not h rdened g inst ll delic cy of sens tion7 The inh bit nts seem insensible to these impressions, nd re pt to im gine the disgust th t ;e 9o; is little better th n ffect tion< but they ought to h 9e some comp ssion for

str ngers, ;ho h 9e not been used to this kind of suffer nce< nd consider, ;hether it m y not be ;orth ;hile to t ke some p ins to 9indic te themsel9es from the repro ch th t, on this ccount, they be r mong their neighbours7 !s to the surprising height of their houses, it is bsurd in m ny respects< but in one p rticul r light + c nnot 9ie; it ;ithout horror< th t is, the dre dful situ tion of ll the f milies bo9e, in c se the common st irc se should be rendered imp ss ble by fire in the lo;er stories == +n order to pre9ent the shocking conse>uences th t must ttend such n ccident, it ;ould be right me sure to open doors of communic tion from one house to nother, on e9ery story, by ;hich the people might fly from such terrible 9isit tion7 +n ll p rts of the ;orld, ;e see the force of h bit pre9 iling o9er ll the dict tes of con9enience nd s g city7 !ll the people of business t Edinburgh, nd e9en the genteel comp ny, m y be seen st nding in cro;ds e9ery d y, from one to t;o in the fternoon, in the open street, t pl ce ;here formerly stood m rket=cross, ;hich Eby the byeF ; s curious piece of Gothic rchitecture, still to be seen in lord Sommer9ille's g rden in this neighbourhood == + s y, the people st nd in the open street from the force of custom, r ther th n mo9e fe; y rds to n Exch nge th t st nds empty on one side, or to the P rli ment=close on the other, ;hich is noble s>u re dorned ;ith fine e>uestri n st tue of king Ch rles ++7 == The comp ny thus ssembled, re entert ined ;ith 9 riety of tunes, pl yed upon set of bells, fixed in steeple h rd by == !s these bells re ;ell=toned, nd the musici n, ;ho h s s l ry from the city, for pl ying upon them ;ith keys, is no b d performer, the entert inment is re lly gree ble, nd 9ery striking to the e rs of str nger7 The public inns of Edinburgh re still ;orse th n those of 3ondon< but by me ns of ;orthy gentlem n, to ;hom + ; s recommended, ;e h 9e got decent lodgings in the house of ;ido; gentle;om n of the n me of 3ockh rt< nd here + sh ll st y until + h 9e seen e9ery thing th t is rem rk ble in nd bout this c pit l7 + no; begin to feel the good effects of exercise == + e t like f rmer, sleep from mid=night till eight in the morning ;ithout interruption, nd enjoy const nt tide of spirits, e>u lly dist nt from in nition nd excess< but ;h te9er ebbs or flo;s my constitution m y undergo, my he rt ;ill still decl re th t + m, *e r 3e;is, 2our ffection te friend nd ser9 nt, 0!TT7 51!053E E*17 @uly &I7

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7

*E!1 0!12, The 's>uire h s been so kind s to r p my bit of nonsense under the ki9er of his o;n sheet == ,, 0 ry @onesG 0 ry @onesG + h 9e h d tri ls nd trembul tion7 God help meG + h 9e been 9ixen nd griffin these m ny d ys == S ttin h s h d po;er to temp me in the sh pe of 9 n *itton, the young 's>uire's ; lly de sh mble< but by God's gre se he did not pur9 il == + thoft s ho;, there ; s no rm in going to pl y t -e;c stle, ;ith my h ir dressed in the P rish f shion< nd s for the trifle of p int, he s id s ho; my complexion ; nted touch, nd so + let him put it on ;ith little Sp nish o;l< but mischie9ous mob of colliers, nd such promiscous ribble r bble, th t could b re no smut but their o;n, tt cked us in the street, nd c lled me ho r nd p inted +ss bel, nd spl shed my close, nd spoiled me complete set of blond l ce triple ruffles, not pin the ;orse for the ; re == They cost me se9en good sillings, to l dy Griskin's ;om n t 3ondon7 Ahen + xed 0r Clinker ;h t they me nt by c lling me +ss bel, he put the byebill into my h nd, nd + re d of 9 n +ss bel p inted h rlot, th t 9 s thro;n out of 9indore, nd the dogs c me nd licked her blood7 5ut + m no h rlot< nd, ;ith God's blessing, no dog sh ll h 9e my poor blood to lick? m rry, He 9en forbid, menG !s for *itton, fter ll his courting, nd his compliment, he stole ; y n +rishm n's bride, nd took .rench le 9e of me nd his m ster< but + 9 lly not his going f rting< but + h 9e h d h nger on his ccount == 0istriss scoulded like m d< thof + h 9e the comfit th t ll the f mily took my p rt, nd e9en 0r Clinker ple ded for me on his bended knee< thof, God he kno;s, he h d r isins enuff to compl in< but he's good sole, bounding ;ith Christi n meekness, nd one d y ;ill meet ;ith his re; rd7 !nd no;, de r 0 ry, ;e h 9e got to H ddingborrough, mong the Scots, ;ho re ci9il enuff for our money, thof + don't spe k their lingo == 5ut they should not go for to impose upon foreigners< for the bills in their houses s y, they h 9e different e sements to let< nd behold there is nurro ge ks in the ;hole kingdom, nor ny thing for poor s r9 nts, but b rrel ;ith p ir of tongs thro;n =cross< nd ll the ch irs in the f mily re emptied into this here b rrel once =d y< nd t ten o'clock t night the ;hole c rgo is flung out of b ck ;indore th t looks into some street or l ne, nd the m ids c lls g rdy loo to the p ssengers ;hich signifies 3ord h 9e mercy upon youG nd this is done e9ery night in e9ery house in H ddingborrough< so you m y guess, 0 ry @ones, ;h t s;eet s 9our comes from such number of profuming p ns< but they s y it is ;holesome, nd, truly, + belie9e it is< for being in the 9 pours, nd thinking of +ss bel nd 0r Clinker, + ; s going into fit of stericks, ;hen this fiff, s 9ing your presence, took me by the nose so po;erfully th t + sneeDed three times, nd found myself

;onderfully refreshed< nd this to be sure is the r isin ;hy there re no fits in H ddingborrough7 + ; s like;ise m de belie9e, th t there ; s nothing to be h d but o tme l nd seeps=he ds< but if + h dn't been fool, + mought h 9e kno;n there could be no he ds ;ithout kerk sses == This 9ery blessed d y + dined upon delic te leg of 6elsh mutton nd cully=flo;er< nd s for the o t=me l, + le 9e th t to the s r9 nts of the country, ;hich re pore drudges, m ny of them ;ithout shoes or stockings == 0r Clinker tells me here is gre t c ll of the gospel< but + ;ish, + ;ish some of our f mily be not f llen off from the rite ; y == ,, if + ; s gi9en to t ilb ring, + h 9e my o;n secrets to disco9er == There h s been de l of huggling nd flurt tion bet;ixt mistress nd n ould Scotch officer, c lled 4ismyc go7 He looks for ll the orld like the sc re=cro; th t our g rdener h s set up to frite ; y the sp rro;s< nd ;h t ;ill come of it, the 3ord kno;s< but come ;h t ;ill, it sh ll ne9er be s id th t + menchioned syll bub of the m tter == 1emember me kindly to S ul nd the kitten == + hope they got the horn=buck, nd ;ill put it to good yuse, ;hich is the const nt pr yer of, *e r 0olly, 2our lo9ing friend, A+-7 @E-4+-S !**+-G5,1,/GH, @uly &I7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, +f + st y much longer t Edinburgh, + sh ll be ch nged into do;nright C ledoni n == 0y uncle obser9es, th t + h 9e lre dy c>uired something of the country ccent7 The people here re so soci l nd ttenti9e in their ci9ilities to str ngers, th t + m insensibly sucked into the ch nnel of their m nners nd customs, lthough they re in f ct much more different from ours th n you c n im gine == Th t difference, ho;e9er, ;hich struck me 9ery much t my first rri9 l, + no; h rdly percei9e, nd my e r is perfectly reconciled to the Scotch ccent, ;hich + find e9en gree ble in the mouth of pretty ;om n == +t is sort of *oric di lect, ;hich gi9es n ide of mi ble simplicity == 2ou c nnot im gine ho; ;e h 9e been c ressed nd fe sted in the good to;n of Edinburgh of ;hich ;e re become free deniDens nd guild brothers, by the speci l f 9our of the m gistr cy7 + h d ;himsic l commission from 5 th, to citiDen of this metropolis7 Juin, underst nding our intention to 9isit Edinburgh, pulled out guine , nd desired the f 9our + ;ould drink it t

t 9ern, ;ith p rticul r friend nd bottle=comp nion of his, 0r 1== C==, l ;yer of this city == + ch rged myself ;ith the commission, nd, t king the guine , '2ou see Es id +F + h 9e pocketed your bounty7' '2es Ereplied Juin, l ughingF< nd he d ke into the b rg in, if you drink f ir7' + m de use of this introduction to 0r C==, ;ho recei9ed me ;ith open rms, nd g 9e me the rendeD9ous, ccording to the c rtel7 He h d pro9ided comp ny of jolly fello;s, mong ;hom + found myself extremely h ppy< nd did 0r C== nd Juin ll the justice in my po;er< but, l s, + ; s no more th n tiro mong troop of 9eter ns, ;ho h d comp ssion upon my youth nd con9eyed me home in the morning by ;h t me ns + kno; not == Juin ; s mist ken, ho;e9er, s to the he d= ke< the cl ret ; s too good to tre t me so roughly7 Ahile 0r 5r mble holds conferences ;ith the gr 9er liter ti of the pl ce, nd our fem les re entert ined t 9isits by the Scotch l dies, ;ho re the best nd kindest cre tures upon e rth, + p ss my time mong the bucks of Edinburgh< ;ho, ;ith gre t sh re of spirit nd 9i9 city, h 9e cert in shre;dness nd self= comm nd th t is not often found mong their neighbours, in the high=d y of youth nd exult tion == -ot hint esc pes Scotchm n th t c n be interpreted into offence by ny indi9idu l in the comp ny< nd n tion l reflections re ne9er he rd == +n this p rticul r, + must o;n, ;e re both unjust nd ungr teful to the Scots< for, s f r s + m ble to judge, they h 9e re l esteem for the n ti9es of South=5rit in< nd ne9er mention our country, but ;ith expressions of reg rd == -e9ertheless, they re f r from being ser9ile imit tors of our modes nd f shion ble 9ices7 !ll their customs nd regul tions of public nd pri9 te oeconomy, of business nd di9ersion, re in their o;n stile7 This rem rk bly predomin tes in their looks, their dress nd m nner, their music, nd e9en their cookery7 ,ur 's>uire decl res, th t he kno;s not nother people upon e rth, so strongly m rked ;ith n tion l ch r cter == -o; ;e re upon the rticle of cookery, + must o;n, some of their dishes re s 9oury, nd e9en delic te< but + m not yet Scotchm n enough to relish their singed sheep's=he d nd h ggice, ;hich ;ere pro9ided t our re>uest, one d y t 0r 0itchelson's, ;here ;e dined == The first put me in mind of the history of Congo, in ;hich + h d re d of negroes' he ds sold publickly in the m rkets< the l st, being mess of minced lights, li9ers, suet, o t=me l, onions, nd pepper, inclosed in sheep's stom ch, h d 9ery sudden effect upon mine, nd the delic te 0rs T bby ch nged colour< ;hen the c use of our disgust ; s inst nt neously remo9ed t the nod of our entert iner7 The Scots, in gener l, re tt ched to this composition, ;ith sort of n tion l fondness, s ;ell s to their o t=me l bre d< ;hich is presented t e9ery t ble, in thin tri ngul r c kes, b ked upon pl te of iron, c lled girdle< nd these, m ny of the n ti9es, e9en in the higher r nks of life, prefer to ;he ten=bre d, ;hich they h 9e here in perfection == 2ou kno; ;e used to 9ex poor 0urr y of 5 liol college, by sking, if there ; s re lly no fruit but

turnips in Scotl ndC == Sure enough, + h 9e seen turnips m ke their ppe r nce, not s desert, but by ; y of hors d'oeu9res, or ;hets, s r dishes re ser9ed bet;ixt more subst nti l dishes in .r nce nd +t ly< but it must be obser9ed, th t the turnips of this country re s much superior in s;eetness, delic cy, nd fl 9our, to those in Engl nd, s musk=melon is to the stock of common c bb ge7 They re sm ll nd conic l, of yello;ish colour, ;ith 9ery thin skin nd, o9er nd bo9e their gree ble t ste, re 9 lu ble for their ntiscorbutic >u lity == !s to the fruit no; in se son, such s cherries, gooseberries, nd curr nts, there is no ; nt of them t Edinburgh< nd in the g rdens of some gentlemen, ;ho li9e in the neighbourhood, there is no; 9ery f 9our ble ppe r nce of pricots, pe ches, nect rines, nd e9en gr pes? n y, + h 9e seen 9ery fine she; of pine pples ;ithin fe; miles of this metropolis7 +ndeed, ;e h 9e no re son to be surprised t these p rticul rs, ;hen ;e consider ho; little difference there is, in f ct, bet;ixt this clim te nd th t of 3ondon7 !ll the rem rk ble pl ces in the city nd its 9enues, for ten miles round, ;e h 9e 9isited, much to our s tisf ction7 +n the C stle re some roy l p rtments, ;here the so9ereign occ sion lly resided< nd here re c refully preser9ed the reg li of the kingdom, consisting of cro;n, s id to be of gre t 9 lue, sceptre, nd s;ord of st te, dorned ;ith je;els == ,f these symbols of so9ereignty, the people re exceedingly je lous == ! report being spre d during the sitting of the union=p rli ment, th t they ;ere remo9ed to 3ondon, such tumult rose, th t the lord commissioner ;ould h 9e been torn to pieces, if he h d not produced them for the s tisf ction of the popul ce7 The p l ce of Holyrood=house is n eleg nt piece of rchitecture, but sunk in n obscure, nd, s + t ke it, un;holesome bottom, ;here one ;ould im gine it h d been pl ced on purpose to be conce led7 The p rtments re lofty, but unfurnished< nd s for the pictures of the Scottish kings, from .ergus +7 to king Ailli m, they re p ultry d ubings, mostly by the s me h nd, p inted either from the im gin tion, or porters hired to sit for the purpose7 !ll the di9ersions of 3ondon ;e enjoy t Edinburgh, in sm ll comp ss7 Here is ;ell conducted concert, in ;hich se9er l gentlemen perform on different instruments == The Scots re ll musici ns == E9ery m n you meet pl ys on the flute, the 9iolin, or 9ioloncello< nd there is one noblem n, ;hose compositions re uni9ers lly dmired == ,ur comp ny of ctors is 9ery toler ble< nd subscription is no; on foot for building ne; the tre< but their ssemblies ple se me bo9e ll other public exhibitions7 Ae h 9e been t the hunters' b ll, ;here + ; s re lly stonished to see such number of fine ;omen == The English, ;ho h 9e ne9er crossed the T;eed, im gine erroneously, th t the Scotch l dies

re not rem rk ble for person l ttr ctions< but, + c n decl re ;ith s fe conscience, + ne9er s ; so m ny h ndsome fem les together, s ;ere ssembled on this occ sion7 !t the 3eith r ces, the best comp ny comes hither from the remoter pro9inces< so th t, + suppose, ;e h d ll the be uty of the kingdom concentr ted s it ;ere into one focus< ;hich ; s, indeed, so 9ehement, th t my he rt could h rdly resist its po;er7 5et;een friends, it h s sust ined some d m ge from the bright eyes of the ch rming miss 1$ento(n, ;hom + h d the honour to d nce ;ith t the b ll == The countess of 0el9ille ttr cted ll eyes, nd the dmir tion of ll present == She ; s ccomp nied by the gree ble miss Grie9e, ;ho m de m ny con>uests< nor did my sister 3iddy p ss unnoticed in the ssembly == She is become to st t Edinburgh, by the n me of the . ir C mbri n, nd h s lre dy been the occ sion of much ;ine=shed< but the poor girl met ;ith n ccident t the b ll, ;hich h s gi9en us gre t disturb nce7 ! young gentlem n, the express im ge of th t r sc l Ailson, ;ent up to sk her to d nce minuet< nd his sudden ppe r nce shocked her so much, th t she f inted ; y == + c ll Ailson r sc l, bec use, if he h d been re lly gentlem n, ;ith honour ble intentions, he ;ould h 9e, ere no;, ppe red in his o;n ch r cter == + must o;n, my blood boils ;ith indign tion ;hen + think of th t fello;'s presumption< nd He 9en confound me if + don't == 5ut + ;on't be so ;om nish s to r il == Time ;ill, perh ps, furnish occ sion == Th nk God, the c use of 3iddy's disorder rem ins secret7 The l dy directress of the b ll, thinking she ; s o9ercome by the he t of the pl ce, h d her con9eyed to nother room, ;here she soon reco9ered so ;ell, s to return nd join in the country d nces, in ;hich the Scotch l sses c>uit themsel9es ;ith such spirit nd gility, s put their p rtners to the height of their mettle7 + belie9e our unt, 0rs T bith , h d entert ined hopes of being ble to do some execution mong the c 9 liers t this ssembly7 She h d been se9er l d ys in consult tion ;ith milliners nd m ntu =m kers, prep ring for the occ sion, t ;hich she m de her ppe r nce in full suit of d m sk, so thick nd he 9y, th t the sight of it lone, t this se son of the ye r, ; s sufficient to dr ; drops of s;e t from ny m n of ordin ry im gin tion == She d nced one minuet ;ith our friend 0r 0itchelson, ;ho f 9oured her so f r, in the spirit of hospit lity nd politeness< nd she ; s c lled out second time by the young l ird of 5 llym ;h ;ple, ;ho, coming in by ccident, could not re dily find ny other p rtner< but s the first ; s m rried m n, nd the second p yed no p rticul r hom ge to her ch rms, ;hich ;ere lso o9er=looked by the rest of the comp ny, she bec me diss tisfied nd censorious == !t supper, she obser9ed th t the Scotch gentlemen m de 9ery good figure, ;hen they ;ere little impro9ed by tr 9elling< nd therefore it ; s pity they did not ll t ke the benefit of going bro d7 She s id the ;omen ;ere ;k; rd, m sculine cre tures< th t, in d ncing, they lifted their legs like so m ny colts< th t they h d no ide of gr ceful

motion, nd put on their clothes in frightful m nner< but if the truth must be told, T bby herself ; s the most ridiculous figure, nd the ;orst dressed of the ;hole ssembly7 The neglect of the m le sex rendered her m lcontent nd pee9ish< she no; found f ult ;ith e9ery thing t Edinburgh, nd teiDed her brother to le 9e the pl ce, ;hen she ; s suddenly reconciled to it on religious consider tion == There is sect of f n ticks, ;ho h 9e sep r ted themsel9es from the est blished kirk, under the n me of Seceders == They ckno;ledge no e rthly he d of the church, reject l y=p tron ge, nd m int in the methodist doctrines of the ne; birth, the ne; light, the effic cy of gr ce, the insufficiency of ;orks, nd the oper tions of the spirit7 0rs T bith , ttended by Humphry Clinker, ; s introduced to one of their con9enticles, ;here they both recei9ed much edific tion< nd she h s h d the good fortune to come c>u inted ;ith pious Christi n, c lled 0r 0off t, ;ho is 9ery po;erful in pr yer, nd often ssists her in pri9 te exercises of de9otion7 + ne9er s ; such concourse of genteel comp ny t ny r ces in Engl nd, s ppe red on the course of 3eith == H rd by, in the fields c lled the 3inks, the citiDens of Edinburgh di9ert themsel9es t g me c lled golf, in ;hich they use curious kind of b ts, tipt ;ith horn, nd sm ll el stic b lls of le ther, stuffed ;ith fe thers, r ther less th n tennis b lls, but of much h rder consistence == This they strike ;ith such force nd dexterity from one hole to nother, th t they ;ill fly to n incredible dist nce7 ,f this di9ersion the Scots re so fond, th t ;hen the ;e ther ;ill permit, you m y see multitude of ll r nks, from the sen tor of justice to the lo;est tr desm n, mingled together in their shirts, nd follo;ing the b lls ;ith the utmost e gerness7 !mong others, + ; s she;n one p rticul r set of golfers, the youngest of ;hom ; s turned of fourscore == They ;ere ll gentlemen of independent fortunes, ;ho h d mused themsel9es ;ith this p stime for the best p rt of century, ;ithout h 9ing e9er felt the le st l rm from sickness or disgust< nd they ne9er ;ent to bed, ;ithout h 9ing e ch the best p rt of g llon of cl ret in his belly7 Such uninterrupted exercise, co=oper ting ;ith the keen ir from the se , must, ;ithout ll doubt, keep the ppetite l; ys on edge, nd steel the constitution g inst ll the common tt cks of distemper7 The 3eith r ces g 9e occ sion to nother entert inment of 9ery singul r n ture == There is t Edinburgh society or corpor tion of err nd=boys, c lled c ;dies, ;ho ply in the streets t night ;ith p per l nthorns, nd re 9ery ser9ice ble in c rrying mess ges == These fello;s, though sh bby in their ppe r nce, nd rudely f mili r in their ddress, re ;onderfully cute, nd so noted for fidelity, th t there is no inst nce of $ ( c ;dy's h 9ing betr yed his trust == Such is their intelligence, th t they kno;, not only e9ery indi9idu l of the pl ce, but lso e9ery str nger, by th t time he h s been four nd t;enty hours in

Edinburgh< nd no tr ns ction, e9en the most pri9 te, c n esc pe their notice7 They re p rticul rly f mous for their dexterity in executing one of the functions of 0ercury< though, for my o;n p rt, + ne9er employed them in this dep rtment of business == H d + occ sion for ny ser9ice of this n ture, my o;n m n, !rchy 0'!lpine, is s ;ell >u lified s e'er c ;die in Edinburgh< nd + m much mist ken, if he h s not been heretofore of their fr ternity7 5e th t s it m y, they resol9ed to gi9e dinner nd b ll t 3eith, to ;hich they form lly in9ited ll the young noblemen nd gentlemen th t ;ere t the r ces< nd this in9it tion ; s reinforced by n ssur nce th t ll the celebr ted l dies of ple sure ;ould gr ce the entert inment ;ith their comp ny7 == + recei9ed c rd on this occ sion, nd ;ent thither ;ith h lf doDen of my c>u int nce7 == +n l rge h ll the cloth ; s l id on long r nge of t bles joined together, nd here the comp ny se ted themsel9es, to the number of bout fourscore, lords, nd l irds, nd other gentlemen, courteD ns nd c ;dies mingled together, s the sl 9es nd their m sters ;ere in the time of the S turn li in ncient 1ome7 == The to st m ster, ;ho s t t the upper end, ; s one C ;die .r ser, 9eter n pimp, distinguished for his humour nd s g city, ;ell kno;n nd much respected in his profession by ll the guests, m le nd fem le, th t ;ere here ssembled7 == He h d bespoke the dinner nd the ;ine? he h d t ken c re th t ll his brethren should ppe r in decent pp rel nd cle n linen< nd he himself ;ore peri;ig ;ith three t ils in honour of the festi9 l7 == + ssure you the b n>uet ; s both eleg nt nd plentiful, nd se soned ;ith thous nd s llies, th t promoted gener l spirit of mirth nd good humour7 == !fter the desert, 0r .r ser proposed the follo;ing to sts, ;hich + don't pretend to expl in7 'The best in Christendom7' == 'Gibbs' contr ct7' == 'The begg r's benison,' == '4ing nd kirk7' == 'Gre t 5rit in nd +rel nd7' Then, filling bumper, nd turning to me, '0ester 0 lford Es id heF, m y ' unkindness ce se bet;ixt @ohn 5ull nd his sister 0oggy7' == The next person he singled out, ; s noblem n ;ho h d been long bro d7 == '0 lord Ecried .r serF, here is bumper to ' those noblemen ;ho h 9e 9irtue enough to spend their rents in their in countr y7' == He fter; rds ddressed himself to member of p rli ment in these ;ords? == '0eester == +'m sure ye'll h ' n e objection to my drinking, disgr ce nd dule to ilk Scot, th t sells his conscience nd his 9ote7' == He disch rged third s rc sm t person 9ery g ily dressed, ;ho h d risen from sm ll beginnings, nd m de consider ble fortune t pl y7 == .illing his gl ss, nd c lling him by n me, '3 ng life Es id heF, to the ;ylie loon th t g ngs =field ;ith toom poke t his lunDie, nd comes h me ;ith s ckful of siller7' == !ll these to sts being recei9ed ;ith loud bursts of ppl use, 0r .r ser c lled for pint gl sses, nd filled his o;n to the brim? then st nding up, nd ll his brethren follo;ing his ex mple, '0 lords nd gentlemen Ecried heF, here is cup of th nks for the gre t nd undeser9ed honour you h 9e

done your poor err nd=boys this d y7' == So s ying, he nd they dr nk off their gl sses in trice, nd >uitting their se ts, took their st tion e ch behind one of the other guests< excl iming, '-oo ;e're your honours c ;dies g in7' The noblem n ;ho h d bore the first brunt of 0r .r ser's s tire, objected to his bdic tion7 He s id, s the comp ny ; s ssembled by in9it tion from the c ;dies, he expected they ;ere to be entert ined t their expense7 '5y no me ns, my lord Ecried .r serF, + ; d n he guilty of sic presumption for the ;ide ; rld == + ne9er ffronted gentlem n since + ; s born< nd sure t this ge + ;onnot offer n indignity to sic n honour ble con9ention7' 'Aell Es id his 3ordshipF s you h 9e expended some ;it, you h 9e right to s 9e your money7 2ou h 9e gi9en me good counsel, nd + t ke it in good p rt7 !s you h 9e 9olunt rily >uitted your se t, + ;ill t ke your pl ce ;ith the le 9e of the good comp ny, nd think myself h ppy to be h iled, . ther of the .e st7' He ; s forth;ith elected into the ch ir, nd complimented in bumper in his ne; ch r cter7 The cl ret continued to circul te ;ithout interruption, till the gl sses seemed to d nce upon the t ble, nd this, perh ps, ; s hint to the l dies to c ll for music == !t eight in the e9ening the b ll beg n in nother p rtment? t midnight ;e ;ent to supper< but it ; s bro d d y before + found the ; y to my lodgings< nd, no doubt, his 3ordship h d s;inging bill to disch rge7 +n short, + h 9e li9ed so riotously for some ;eeks, th t my uncle begins to be l rmed on the score of my constitution, nd 9ery seriously obser9es, 'th t ll his o;n infirmities re o;ing to such excesses indulged in his youth == 0rs T bith s ys it ;ould be more to the d9 nt ge of my soul s ;ell s body, if, inste d of fre>uenting these scenes of deb uchery, + ;ould ccomp ny 0r 0off t nd her to he r sermon of the re9erend 0r 0'Corkind le7 == Clinker often exhorts me, ;ith gro n, to t ke c re of my precious he lth< nd e9en !rchy 0'!lpine, ;hen he h ppens to be o9ert ken E;hich is oftener the c se th n + could ;ishF, re ds me long lecture upon temper nce nd sobriety< nd is so 9ery ;ise nd sententious, th t, if + could pro9ide him ;ith professor's ch ir, + ;ould ;illingly gi9e up the benefit of his monitions nd ser9ice together< for + ; s tutor=sick t lm m ter7 + m not, ho;e9er, so much engrossed by the g ieties of Edinburgh, but th t + find time to m ke p rties in the f mily ; y7 Ae h 9e not only seen ll the 9ill s nd 9ill ges ;ithin ten miles of the c pit l, but ;e h 9e lso crossed the .irth, ;hich is n rm of the se se9en miles bro d, th t di9ides 3othi n from the shire, or, s the Scots c ll it, the kingdom of .ife7 There is number of l rge open se =bo ts th t ply on this p ss ge from 3eith to 4inghorn, ;hich is borough on the other side7 +n one of these our ;hole f mily emb rked three d ys go, excepting

my sister, ;ho, being exceedingly fe rful of the ; ter, ; s left to the c re of 0rs 0itchelson7 Ae h d n e sy nd >uick p ss ge into .ife, ;here ;e 9isited number of poor to;ns on the se =side, including St !ndre;'s, ;hich is the skeleton of 9ener ble city< but ;e ;ere much better ple sed ;ith some noble nd eleg nt se ts nd c stles, of ;hich there is gre t number in th t p rt of Scotl nd7 2esterd y ;e took bo t g in on our return to 3eith, ;ith f ir ;ind nd gree ble ;e ther< but ;e h d not d9 nced h lf=; y ;hen the, sky ; s suddenly o9erc st, nd the ;ind ch nging, ble; directly in our teeth so th t ;e ;ere obliged to turn, or t ck the rest of the ; y7 +n ;ord, the g le incre sed to storm of ;ind nd r in, ttended ;ith such fog, th t ;e could not see the to;n of 3eith, to ;hich ;e ;ere bound, nor e9en the c stle of Edinburgh, not;ithst nding its high situ tion7 +t is not to be doubted but th t ;e ;ere ll l rmed on this occ sion7 !nd t the s me time, most of the p ssengers ;ere seiDed ;ith n use th t produced 9iolent retchings7 0y unt desired her brother to order the bo tmen, to put b ck to 4inghorn, nd this expedient he ctu lly proposed< but they ssured him there ; s no d nger7 0rs T bith finding them obstin te, beg n to scold, nd insisted upon my uncle's exerting his uthority s justice of the pe ce7 Sick nd pee9ish s he ; s, he could not help l ughing t this ;ise propos l, telling her, th t his commission did not extend so f r, nd, if it did, he should let the people t ke their o;n ; y< for he thought it ;ould be gre t presumption in him to direct them in the exercise of their o;n profession7 0rs Ainifred @enkins m de gener l cle r nce ;ith the ssist nce of 0r Humphry Clinker, ;ho joined her both in pr yer nd ej cul tion7 == !s he took it for gr nted th t ;e should not be long in this ;orld, he offered some spiritu l consol tion to 0rs T bith , ;ho rejected it ;ith gre t disgust, bidding him keep his sermons for those ;ho h d leisure to he r such nonsense7 == 0y uncle s t, collected in himself, ;ithout spe king< my m n !rchy h d recourse to br ndy=bottle, ;ith ;hich he m de so free, th t + im gined he h d s;orn to die of drinking ny thing r ther th n se =; ter? but the br ndy h d no more effect upon him in the ; y of intoxic tion, th n if it h d been se =; ter in good e rnest7 == !s for myself, + ; s too much engrossed by the sickness t my stom ch, to think of ny thing else7 0e n;hile the se s;elled mount ins high, the bo t pitched ;ith such 9iolence, s if it h d been going to pieces< the cord ge r ttled, the ;ind ro red< the lightning fl shed, the thunder bello;ed, nd the r in descended in deluge == E9ery time the 9essel ; s put bout, ;e ship'd se th t drenched us ll to the skin7 == Ahen, by dint of turning, ;e thought to h 9e cle red the pier he d, ;e ;ere dri9en to lee; rd, nd then the bo tmen themsel9es beg n to fe r th t the tide ;ould f il before ;e should fetch up our lee=; y? the next trip, ho;e9er, brought us into smooth ; ter, nd ;e ;ere s fely l nded on the >u y, bout one o'clock in the fternoon7 == 'To be sure Ecried T bby, ;hen she found herself on terr firm F, ;e must ll h 9e perished, if ;e

h d not been the p rticul r c re of Pro9idence7' '2es Ereplied my uncleF, but + m much of the honest highl nder's mind == fter he h d m de such p ss ge s this? his friend told him he ; s much indebted to Pro9idence< == NCert inly Es id *on ldF, but, by my s ul, mon, +'se ne'er trouble Pro9idence g in, so long s the brig of Stirling st nds7N' == 2ou must kno; the brig, or bridge of Stirling, st nds bo9e t;enty miles up the ri9er .orth, of ;hich this is the outlet == + don't find th t our 's>uire h s suffered in his he lth from this d9enture< but poor 3iddy is in pe king ; y == +'m fr id this unfortun te girl is une sy in her mind< nd this pprehension distr cts me, for she is re lly n mi ble cre ture7 Ae sh ll set out to=morro; or next d y for Stirling nd Gl sgo;< nd ;e propose to penetr te little ; y into the Highl nds, before ;e turn our course to the south; rd == +n the me n time, commend me to ll our friends round C rf x, nd belie9e me to be, e9er yours, E*+-5/1GH, !ug7 I7 @7 0E3.,1*

To *r 3EA+S7 + should be 9ery ungr teful, de r 3e;is, if + did not find myself disposed to think nd spe k f 9our bly of this people, mong ;hom + h 9e met ;ith more kindness, hospit lity, nd r tion l entert inment, in fe; ;eeks, th n e9er + recei9ed in ny other country during the ;hole course of my life7 == Perh ps, the gr titude excited by these benefits m y interfere ;ith the imp rti lity of my rem rks< for m n is s pt to be prepossessed by p rticul r f 9ours s to be prejudiced by pri9 te moti9es of disgust7 +f + m p rti l, there is, t le st, some merit in my con9ersion from illiber l prejudices ;hich h d gro;n up ;ith my constitution7 The first impressions ;hich n Englishm n recei9es in this country, ;ill not contribute to the remo9 l of his prejudices< bec use he refers e9ery thing he sees to comp rison ;ith the s me rticles in his o;n country< nd this comp rison is unf 9our ble to Scotl nd in ll its exteriors, such s the f ce of the country in respect to culti9 tion, the ppe r nce of the bulk of the people, nd the l ngu ge of con9ers tion in gener l7 == + m not so f r con9inced by 0r 3ism h go's rguments, but th t + think the Scots ;ould do ;ell, for their o;n s kes, to dopt the English idioms nd pronunci tion< those of them especi lly, ;ho re resol9ed to push their fortunes in South=5rit in == + kno;, by experience, ho; e sily n Englishm n is influenced by the e r, nd ho; pt he is to l ugh, ;hen he he rs his o;n l ngu ge spoken

;ith foreign or pro9inci l ccent == + h 9e kno;n member of the house of commons spe k ;ith gre t energy nd precision, ;ithout being ble to eng ge ttention, bec use his obser9 tions ;ere m de in the Scotch di lect, ;hich Eno offence to lieuten nt 3ism h goF cert inly gi9es clo;nish ir e9en to sentiments of the gre test dignity nd decorum7 == + h 9e decl red my opinion on this he d to some of the most sensible men of this country, obser9ing, t the s me time, th t if they ;ould employ fe; n ti9es of Engl nd to te ch the pronunci tion of our 9ern cul r tongue, in t;enty ye rs there ;ould be no difference, in point of di lect, bet;een the youth of Edinburgh nd of 3ondon7 The ci9il regul tions of this kingdom nd metropolis re t ken from 9ery different models from those of Engl nd, except in fe; p rticul r est blishments, the necess ry conse>uences of the union7 == Their college of justice is bench of gre t dignity, filled ;ith judges of ch r cter nd bility7 == + h 9e he rd some c uses tried before this 9ener ble tribun l< nd ; s 9ery much ple sed ;ith the ple dings of their d9oc tes, ;ho re by no me ns deficient either in rgument or elocution7 The Scottish legisl tion is founded, in gre t me sure, on the ci9il l ;< conse>uently, their proceedings 9 ry from those of the English tribun ls< but, + think, they h 9e the d9 nt ge of us in their method of ex mining ;itnesses p rt, nd in the constitution of their jury, by ;hich they cert inly 9oid the e9il ;hich + mentioned in my l st from 3ism h go's obser9 tion7 The uni9ersity of Edinburgh is supplied ;ith excellent professors in ll the sciences< nd the medic l school, in p rticul r, is f mous ll o9er Europe7 == The students of this rt h 9e the best opportunity of le rning it to perfection, in ll its br nches, s there re different courses for the theory of medicine nd the pr ctice of medicine< for n tomy, chemistry, bot ny, nd the m teri medic , o9er nd bo9e those of m them tics nd experiment l philosophy< nd ll these re gi9en by men of distinguished t lents7 Ah t renders this p rt of educ tion still more complete, is the d9 nt ge of ttending the infirm ry, ;hich is the best instituted ch rit ble found tion th t + e9er kne;7 -o; ;e re t lking of ch rities, here re se9er l hospit ls, exceedingly ;ell endo;ed, nd m int ined under dmir ble regul tions< nd these re not only useful, but orn ment l to the city7 !mong these, + sh ll only mention the gener l ;ork=house, in ;hich ll the poor, not other;ise pro9ided for, re employed, ccording to their different bilities, ;ith such judgment nd effect, th t they ne rly m int in themsel9es by their l bour, nd there is not begg r to be seen ;ithin the precincts of this metropolis7 +t ; s Gl sgo; th t set the ex mple of this est blishment, bout thirty ye rs go7 == E9en the kirk of Scotl nd, so long repro ched ;ith f n ticism nd c nting, bounds t present ;ith ministers celebr ted for their le rning, nd respect ble for their moder tion7 == + h 9e he rd their sermons

;ith e>u l stonishment nd ple sure7 == The good people of Edinburgh no longer think dirt nd cob;ebs essenti l to the house of God7 == Some of their churches h 9e dmitted such orn ments s ;ould h 9e excited sedition, e9en in Engl nd, little more th n century go< nd Ps lmody is here pr ctised nd t ught by professor from the c thedr l of *urh m? == + should not be surprised, in fe; ye rs, to he r it ccomp nied ;ith n org n7 Edinburgh is hot=bed of genius7 == + h 9e h d the good fortune to be m de c>u inted ;ith m ny uthors of the first distinction< such s the t;o Humes, 1obertson, Smith, A ll ce, 5l ir, .erguson, Ailkie, Bc7 nd + h 9e found them ll s gree ble in con9ers tion s they re instructi9e nd entert ining in their ;ritings7 These c>u int nces + o;e to the friendship of *r C rlyle, ;ho ; nts nothing but inclin tion to figure ;ith the rest upon p per7 The m gistr cy of Edinburgh is ch nged e9ery ye r by election, nd seems to be 9ery ;ell d pted both for st te nd uthority7 == The lord pro9ost is e>u l in dignity to the lord m yor of 3ondon< nd the four b ilies re e>ui9 lent to the r nk of ldermen7 == There is de n of guild, ;ho t kes cogniD nce of merc ntile ff irs< tre surer< to;n=clerk< nd the council is composed of de cons, one of ;hom is returned e9ery ye r, in rot tion, s represent ti9e of e9ery comp ny of rtificers or h ndicr ftsmen7 Though this city, from the n ture of its situ tion, c n ne9er be m de either 9ery con9enient or 9ery cle nly, it h s, ne9ertheless, n ir of m gnificence th t comm nds respect7 == The c stle is n inst nce of the sublime in scite nd rchitecture7 == +ts fortific tions re kept in good order, nd there is l; ys in it g rrison of regul r soldiers, ;hich is relie9ed e9ery ye r< but it is inc p ble of sust ining siege c rried on ccording to the modern oper tions of ; r7 == The c stle hill, ;hich extends from the out; rd g te to the upper end of the high street, is used s public ; lk for the citiDens, nd comm nds prospect, e>u lly extensi9e nd delightful, o9er the county of .ife, on the other side of the .rith, nd ll long the se =co st, ;hich is co9ered ;ith succession of to;ns th t ;ould seem to indic te consider ble sh re of commerce< but, if the truth must be told, these to;ns h 9e been f lling to dec y e9er since the union, by ;hich the Scots ;ere in gre t me sure depri9ed of their tr de ;ith .r nce7 == The p l ce of Holyrood=house is je;el in rchitecture, thrust into hollo; ;here it c nnot be seen< situ tion ;hich ; s cert inly not chosen by the ingenious rchitect, ;ho must h 9e been confined to the site of the old p l ce, ;hich ; s con9ent7 Edinburgh is consider bly extended on the south side, ;here there re di9ers little eleg nt s>u res built in the English m nner< nd the citiDens h 9e pl nned some impro9ements on the north, ;hich, ;hen put in execution, ;ill dd gre tly to the be uty nd con9enience of this c pit l7 The se =port is 3eith, flourishing to;n, bout mile from the

city, in the h rbour of ;hich + h 9e seen bo9e one hundred ships lying ll together7 2ou must kno;, + h d the curiosity to cross the .rith in p ss ge bo t, nd st yed t;o d ys in .ife, ;hich is rem rk bly fruitful in corn, nd exhibits surprising number of fine se ts, eleg ntly built, nd m gnificently furnished7 There is n incredible number of noble houses in e9ery p rt of Scotl nd th t + h 9e seen7 == * lkeith, Pinkie, 2ester, nd lord Hopton's $Hopetoun's(, ll of them ;ithin four or fi9e miles of Edinburgh, re princely p l ces, in e9ery one of ;hich so9ereign might reside t his c se7 == + suppose the Scots ffect these monuments of gr ndeur7 == +f + m y be llo;ed to mingle censure ;ith my rem rks upon people + re9ere, + must obser9e, th t their ;e k side seems to be 9 nity7 == + m fr id th t e9en their hospit lity is not >uite free of ostent tion7 + think + h 9e disco9ered mong them uncommon p ins t ken to displ y their fine linen, of ;hich, indeed, they h 9e gre t plenty, their furniture, pl te, housekeeping, nd 9 riety of ;ines, in ;hich rticle, it must be o;ned, they re profuse, if not prodig l == ! burgher of Edinburgh, not content to 9ie ;ith citiDen of 3ondon, ;ho h s ten times his fortune, must excel him in the expence s ;ell s eleg nce of his entert inments7 Though the 9ill s of the Scotch nobility nd gentry h 9e gener lly n ir of gr ndeur nd st te, + think their g rdens nd p rks re not comp r ble to those of Engl nd< circumst nce the more rem rk ble, s + ; s told by the ingenious 0r Phillip 0iller of Chelse , th t lmost ll the g rdeners of South=5rit in ;ere n ti9es of Scotl nd7 The 9erdure of this country is not e>u l to th t of Engl nd7 == The ple sure=grounds re, in my opinion, not so ;ell l id out ccording to the genius loci< nor re the l ;ns, nd ; lks, nd hedges kept in such delic te order7 == The trees re pl nted in prudish ro;s, ;hich h 9e not such n gree ble n tur l effect, s ;hen they re thro;n into irregul r groupes, ;ith inter9ening gl des< nd firs, ;hich they gener lly r ise round their houses, look dull nd funere l in the summer se son7 == + must confess, indeed, th t they yield ser9ice ble timber, nd good shelter g inst the northern bl sts< th t they gro; nd thri9e in the most b rren soil, nd continu lly perspire fine b ls m of turpentine, ;hich must render the ir 9ery s lut ry nd s n ti9e to lungs of tender texture7 T bby nd + h 9e been both frightened in our return by se from the co st of .ife == She ; s fr id of dro;ning, nd + of c tching cold, in conse>uence of being drenched ;ith se =; ter< but my fe rs s ;ell s hers, h 9e been h ppily dis ppointed7 She is no; in perfect he lth< + ;ish + could s y the s me of 3iddy == Something uncommon is the m tter ;ith th t poor girl< her colour f des, her ppetite f ils, nd her spirits fl g == She is become moping nd mel ncholy, nd is often found in te rs == Her brother suspects intern l une siness on ccount of Ailson, nd denounces 9enge nce g inst th t d9enturer7 == She ; s, it seems, strongly

ffected t the b ll by the sudden ppe r nce of one 0r Gordon, ;ho strongly resembles the s id Ailson< but + m r ther suspicious th t she c ught cold by being o9erhe ted ;ith d ncing7 == + h 9e consulted *r Gregory, n eminent physici n of n mi ble ch r cter, ;ho d9ises the highl nd ir, nd the use of go t=milk ;hey, ;hich, surely, c nnot h 9e b d effect upon p tient ;ho ; s born nd bred mong the mount ins of A les == The doctors opinion is the more gree ble, s ;e sh ll find those remedies in the 9ery pl ce ;hich + proposed s the utmost extent of our expedition == + me n the borders of !rgyle7 0r Smollett, one of the judges of the commiss ry court, ;hich is no; sitting, h s 9ery kindly insisted upon our lodging t his country=house, on the b nks of 3ough=3omond, bout fourteen miles beyond Gl sgo;7 .or this l st city ;e sh ll set out in t;o d ys, nd t ke Stirling in our ; y, ;ell pro9ided ;ith recommend tions from our friends t Edinburgh, ;hom, + protest, + sh ll le 9e ;ith much regret7 + m so f r from thinking it ny h rdship to li9e in this country, th t, if + ; s obliged to le d to;n life, Edinburgh ;ould cert inly be the he d>u rters of 2ours l; ys, 0!TT7 51!053E E*+-7, !ugust I7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 4-+GHT, + m no; little short of the /ltim Thule, if this ppell tion properly belongs to the ,rkneys or Hebrides7 These l st re no; lying before me, to the mount of some hundreds, sc ttered up nd do;n the *euc lidoni n se , ffording the most pictures>ue nd rom ntic prospect + e9er beheld == + ;rite this letter in gentlem n's house, ne r the to;n of +n9er ry ;hich m y be deemed the c pit l of the Aest Highl nds, f mous for nothing so much s for the st tely c stle begun, nd ctu lly co9ered in by the l te duke of !rgyle, t prodigious expence == Ahether it ;ill e9er be completely finished is >uestion7 == 5ut, to t ke things in order == Ae left Edinburgh ten d ys go< nd the further -orth ;e proceed, ;e find 0rs T bith the less m n ge ble< so th t her inclin tions re not of the n ture of the lo dstone< they point not to; rds the pole7 Ah t m de her le 9e Edinburgh ;ith reluct nce t l st, if ;e m y belie9e her o;n ssertions, ; s dispute ;hich she left unfinished ;ith 0r 0off t, touching the eternity of hell torments7 Th t gentlem n, s he d9 nced in ye rs, beg n to be sceptic l on this he d,

till, t length, he decl red open ; r g inst the common ccept tion of the ;ord etern l7 He is no; persu ded, th t etern l signifies no more th n n indefinite number of ye rs< nd th t the most enormous sinner m y be >uit for nine millions, nine hundred thous nd, nine hundred nd ninety=nine ye rs of hell= fire< ;hich term or period, s he 9ery ;ell obser9es, forms but n inconsider ble drop, s it ;ere, in the oce n of eternity == .or this mitig tion he contends, s system gree ble to the ide s of goodness nd mercy, ;hich ;e nnex to the supreme 5eing == ,ur unt seemed ;illing to dopt this doctrine in f 9our of the ;icked< but he hinted th t no person ;h te9er ; s so righteous s to be exempted entirely from punishment in future st te< nd th t the most pious Christi n upon e rth might think himself 9ery h ppy to get off for f st of se9en or eight thous nd ye rs in the midst of fire nd brimstone7 0rs T bith re9olted t this dogm , ;hich filled her t once ;ith horror nd indign tion == She h d recourse to the opinion of Humphry Clinker, ;ho roundly decl red it ; s the popish doctrine of purg tory, nd >uoted scripture in defence of the fire e9erl sting, prep red for the de9il nd his ngels == The re9erend m ster 0 ckcorkend l, nd ll the theologists nd s ints of th t persu sion ;ere consulted, nd some of them h d doubts bout the m tter< ;hich doubts nd scruples h d begun to infect our unt, ;hen ;e took our dep rture from Edinburgh7 Ae p ssed through 3inlithgo;, ;here there ; s n eleg nt roy l p l ce, ;hich is no; gone to dec y, s ;ell s the to;n itself == This too is pretty much the c se ;ith Stirling, though it still bo sts of fine old c stle in ;hich the kings of Scotl nd ;ere ;ont to reside in their minority == 5ut Gl sgo; is the pride of Scotl nd, nd, indeed, it might 9ery ;ell p ss for n eleg nt nd flourishing city in ny p rt of Christendom7 There ;e h d the good fortune to be recei9ed into the house of 0r 0oore, n eminent surgeon, to ;hom ;e ;ere recommended by one of our friends t Edinburgh< nd, truly, he could not h 9e done us more essenti l ser9ice == 0r 0oore is merry f cetious comp nion, sensible nd shre;d, ;ith consider ble fund of humour< nd his ;ife n gree ble ;om n, ;ell bred, kind, nd obliging7 4indness, ;hich + t ke to be the essence of good=n ture nd hum nity, is the distinguishing ch r cteristic of the Scotch l dies in their o;n country == ,ur l ndlord she;ed us e9ery thing, nd introduced us to ll the ;orld t Gl sgo;< ;here, through his recommend tion, ;e ;ere complimented ;ith the freedom of the to;n7 Considering the tr de nd opulence of this pl ce, it c nnot but bound ;ith g iety nd di9ersions7 Here is gre t number of young fello;s th t ri9 l the youth of the c pit l in spirit nd expence< nd + ; s soon con9inced, th t ll the fem le be uties of Scotl nd ;ere not ssembled t the hunters b ll in Edinburgh == The to;n of Gl sgo; flourishes in le rning s ;ell s in commerce == Here is n uni9ersity, ;ith professors in ll the different br nches of science, liber lly endo;ed, nd judiciously

chosen == +t ; s 9 c tion time ;hen + p ssed, so th t + could not entirely s tisfy my curiosity< but their mode of educ tion is cert inly prefer ble to ours in some respects7 The students re not left to the pri9 te instruction of tutors< but t ught in public schools or cl sses, e ch science by its p rticul r professor or regent7 0y uncle is in r ptures ;ith Gl sgo; == He not only 9isited ll the m nuf ctures of the pl ce, but m de excursions ll round to H milton, P isley, 1enfre;, nd e9ery other pl ce ;ithin doDen miles, ;here there ; s ny thing rem rk ble to be seen in rt or n ture7 + belie9e the exercise, occ sioned by those j unts, ; s of ser9ice to my sister 3iddy, ;hose ppetite nd spirits begin to re9i9e == 0rs T bith displ yed her ttr ctions s usu l, nd ctu lly belie9ed she h d ent ngled one 0r 0 clell n, rich inkle=m nuf cturer, in her sn res< but ;hen m tters c me to n expl n tion, it ppe red th t his tt chment ; s ltogether spiritu l, founded upon n intercourse of de9otion, t the meeting of 0r @ohn Aesley< ;ho, in the course of his e9 ngelic l mission, h d come hither in person == !t length, ;e set out for the b nks of 3ough=3omond, p ssing through the little borough of *umb rton, or E s my uncle ;ill h 9e itF *unbritton, ;here there is c stle, more curious th n ny thing of the kind + h d e9er seen7 +t is honoured ;ith p rticul r description by the eleg nt 5uch n n, s n rx inexpugn bilis, nd, indeed, it must h 9e been impregn ble by the ntient m nner of besieging7 +t is rock of consider ble extent, rising ;ith double top, in n ngle formed by the confluence of t;o ri9ers, the Clyde nd the 3e9en< perpendicul r nd in ccessible on ll sides, except in one pl ce ;here the entr nce is fortified< nd there is no rising ground in the neighbourhood from ;hence it could be d m ged by ny kind of b ttery7 .rom *umb rton, the Aest Highl nds ppe r in the form of huge, dusky mount ins, piled one o9er nother< but this prospect is not t ll surprising to n ti9e of Gl morg n == Ae h 9e fixed our he d>u rters t C meron, 9ery ne t country=house belonging to commiss ry Smollet, ;here ;e found e9ery sort of ccommod tion ;e could desire == +t is situ ted like *ruid's temple, in gro9e of o k, close by the side of 3ough=3omond, ;hich is surprising body of pure tr nsp rent ; ter, unf thom bly deep in m ny pl ces, six or se9en miles bro d, four nd t;enty miles in length, displ ying bo9e t;enty green isl nds, co9ered ;ith ;ood< some of them culti9 ted for corn, nd m ny of them stocked ;ith red deer == They belong to different gentlemen, ;hose se ts re sc ttered long the b nks of the l ke, ;hich re gree bly rom ntic beyond ll conception7 0y uncle nd + h 9e left the ;omen t C meron, s 0rs T bith ;ould by no me ns trust herself g in upon the ; ter, nd to come hither it ; s necess ry to cross sm ll inlet of the se , in n open ferry=bo t == This country ppe rs more nd more ;ild nd s 9 ge the further ;e d9 nce< nd the People re s

different from the 3o;=l nd Scots, in their looks, g rb, nd l ngu ge, s the mount ineers of 5recknock re from the inh bit nts of Herefordshire7 Ahen the 3o;l nders ; nt to drink che rupping=cup, they go to the public house, c lled the Ch nge=house, nd c ll for chopine of t;o=penny, ;hich is thin, ye sty be9er ge, m de of m lt< not >uite so strong s the t ble=beer of Engl nd, == This is brought in pe;ter stoop, sh ped like skittle, from ;hence it is emptied into >u ff< th t is, curious cup m de of different pieces of ;ood, such s box nd ebony, cut into little st 9es, joined ltern tely, nd secured ;ith delic te hoops, h 9ing t;o c rs or h ndles == +t holds bout gill, is sometimes tipt round the mouth ;ith sil9er, nd h s pl te of the s me met l t bottom, ;ith the l ndlord's cypher engr 9ed7 == The Highl nders, on the contr ry, despise this li>uor, nd reg le themsel9es ;ith ;hisky< m lt spirit, s strong s gene9 , ;hich they s; llo; in gre t >u ntities, ;ithout ny signs of inebri tion7 They re used to it from the cr dle, nd find it n excellent preser9 ti9e g inst the ;inter cold, ;hich must be extreme on these mount ins == + m told th t it is gi9en ;ith gre t success to inf nts, s cordi l in the confluent sm llpox, ;hen the eruption seems to fl g, nd the symptoms gro; unf 9our ble == The Highl nders re used to e t much more nim l food th n f lls to the sh re of their neighbours in the 3o;=country == They delight in hunting< h 9e plenty of deer nd other g me, ;ith gre t number of sheep, go ts, nd bl ck=c ttle running ;ild, ;hich they scruple not to kill s 9ension, ;ithout being much t p ins to scert in the property7 +n9er ry is but poor to;n, though it st nds immedi tely under the protection of the duke of !rgyle, ;ho is mighty prince in this p rt of Scotl nd7 The pe s nts li9e in ;retched c bins, nd seem 9ery poor< but the gentlemen re toler bly ;ell lodged, nd so lo9ing to str ngers, th t m n runs some ris>ue of his life from their hospit lity == +t must be obser9ed th t the poor Highl nders re no; seen to dis d9 nt ge7 They h 9e been not only dis rmed by ct of p rli ment, but lso depri9ed of their ncient g rb, ;hich ; s both gr ceful nd con9enient< nd ;h t is gre ter h rdship still, they re compelled to ;e r breeches< restr int ;hich they c nnot be r ;ith ny degree of p tience? indeed, the m jority ;e r them, not in the proper pl ce, but on poles or long st 9es o9er their shoulders == They re e9en deb rred the use of their striped stuff c lled T rt ne, ;hich ; s their o;n m nuf cture, priDed by them bo9e ll the 9el9ets, broc des, nd tissues of Europe nd !si 7 They no; lounge long in loose gre t co ts, of co rse russet, e>u lly me n nd cumbersome, nd betr y m nifest m rks of dejection == Cert in it is, the go9ernment could not h 9e t ken more effectu l method to bre k their n tion l spirit7 Ae h 9e h d princely sport in hunting the st g on these mount ins7

These re the lonely hills of 0or9en, ;here .ing l nd his heroes enjoyed the s me p stime< + feel n enthusi stic ple sure ;hen + sur9ey the bro;n he th th t ,ssi n ;ont to tre d< nd he r the ;ind ;histle through the bending gr ss == Ahen + enter our l ndlord's h ll, + look for the suspended h rp of th t di9ine b rd, nd listen in hopes of he ring the eri l sound of his respected spirit == The poems of ,ssi n re in e9ery mouth == ! f mous nti>u ri n of this country, the l ird of 0 cf rl ne, t ;hose house ;e dined fe; d ys go, c n repe t them ll in the origin l G llick, ;hich h s gre t ffinity to the Aelch, not only in the gener l sound, but lso in gre t number of r dic l ;ords< nd + m ke no doubt th t they re both sprung from the s me origin7 + ; s not little surprised, ;hen sking Highl nder one d y, if he kne; ;here ;e should find ny g meC he replied, 'hu niel S ssen gh', ;hich signifies no English? the 9ery s me ns;er + should h 9e recei9ed from Aelchm n, nd lmost in the s me ;ords7 The Highl nders h 9e no other n me for the people of the 3o;=country, but S ssen gh, or S xons< strong presumption, th t the 3o;l nd Scots nd the English re deri9ed from the s me stock == The pe s nts of these hills strongly resemble those of A les in their looks, their m nners, nd h bit tions< e9ery thing + see , nd he r, nd feel, seems Aelch == The mount ins, 9 les, nd stre ms< the ir nd clim te< the beef, mutton, nd g me, re ll Aelch == +t must be o;ned, ho;e9er, th t this people re better Pro9ided th n ;e in some rticles == They h 9e plenty of red deer nd roebuck, ;hich re f t nd delicious t this se son of the ye r7 Their se teems ;ith m Ding >u ntities of the finest fish in the ;orld7 nd they find me ns to procure 9ery good cl ret t 9ery sm ll expence7 ,ur l ndlord is m n of conse>uence in this p rt of the country< c det from the f mily of !rgyle nd heredit ry c pt in of one of his c stles == His n me, in pl in English, is *oug l C mpbell< but s there is gre t number of the s me ppell tion, they re distinguished Elike the AelchF by p tronimics< nd s + h 9e kno;n n ntient 5riton c lled 0 doc p=0org n p=@enkin, p=@ones, our Highl nd chief designs himself *ou'l 0 c= mish m c='oul ichi n, signifying *oug l, the son of @ mes, the son of *oug l, the son of @ohn7 He h s tr 9elled in the course of his educ tion, nd is disposed to m ke cert in lter tions in his domestic oeconomy< but he finds it impossible to bolish the ncient customs of the f mily< some of ;hich re ludicrous enough == His piper for ex mple, ;ho is n heredit ry officer of the household, ;ill not p rt ;ith the le st p rticle of his pri9ileges7 He h s right to ;e r the kilt, or ncient Highl nd dress, ;ith the purse, pistol, nd durk == bro d yello; ribbon, fixed to the ch nter=pipe, is thro;n o9er his shoulder, nd tr ils long the ground, ;hile he performs the function of his minstrelsy< nd this, + suppose, is n logous to the pennon or fl g ;hich ; s formerly c rried before e9ery knight in b ttle7 == He pl ys before the l ird e9ery Sund y in his ; y to the kirk,

;hich he circles three times, performing the f mily m rch ;hich implies defi nce to ll the enemies of the cl n< nd e9ery morning he pl ys full hour by the clock, in the gre t h ll, m rching b ck; rds nd for; rds ll the time, ;ith solemn p ce, ttended by the l ird's kinsmen, ;ho seem much delighted ;ith the music == +n this exercise, he indulges them ;ith 9 riety of pibrochs or irs, suited to the different p ssions, ;hich he ;ould either excite or ssu ge7 0r C mpbell himself, ;ho performs 9ery ;ell on the 9iolin, h s n in9incible ntip thy to the sound of the Highl nd b gpipe, ;hich sings in the nose ;ith most l rming t; ng, nd, indeed, is >uite intoler ble to e rs of common sensibility, ;hen ggr 9 ted by the echo of 9 ulted h ll == He therefore begged the piper ;ould h 9e some mercy upon him, nd dispense ;ith this p rt of the morning ser9ice == ! consult tion of the cl n being held on this occ sion, it ; s un nimously greed, th t the l ird's re>uest could not be gr nted ;ithout d ngerous encro chment upon the customs of the f mily == The piper decl red, he could not gi9e up for moment the pri9ilege he deri9ed from his ncestors< nor ;ould the l ird's rel tions forego n entert inment ;hich they 9 lued bo9e ll others == There ; s no remedy< 0r C mpbell, being obliged to c>uiesce, is f in to stop his e rs ;ith cotton< to fortify his he d ;ith three or four night=c ps nd e9ery morning retire into the penetr li of his h bit tion, in order to 9oid this diurn l nnoy nce7 Ahen the music ce ses, he produces himself t n open ;indo; th t looks into the courty rd, ;hich is by this time filled ;ith cro;d of his 9 ss ls nd dependents, ;ho ;orship his first ppe r nce, by unco9ering their he ds, nd bo;ing to the e rth ;ith the most humble prostr tion7 !s ll these people h 9e something to communic te in the ; y of propos l, compl int, or petition, they ; it p tiently till the l ird comes forth, nd, follo;ing him in his ; lks, re f 9oured e ch ;ith short udience in his turn7 T;o d ys go, he disp tched bo9e n hundred different sollicitors, in ; lking ;ith us to the house of neighbouring gentlem n, ;here ;e dined by in9it tion7 ,ur l ndlord's housekeeping is e>u lly rough nd hospit ble, nd s 9ours much of the simplicity of ncient times? the gre t h ll, p 9ed ;ith fl t stones, is bout forty=fi9e feet by t;enty=t;o, nd ser9es not only for dining=room, but lso for bedch mber, to gentlemen=dependents nd h ngers=on of the f mily7 !t night, h lf doDen occ sion l beds re r nged on e ch side long the ; ll7 These re m de of fresh he th, pulled up by the roots, nd disposed in such m nner s to m ke 9ery gree ble couch, ;here they lie, ;ithout ny other co9ering th n the pl id == 0y uncle nd + ;ere indulged ;ith sep r te ch mbers nd do;n beds ;hich ;e begged to exch nge for l yer of he th< nd indeed + ne9er slept so much to my s tisf ction7 +t ; s not only soft nd el stic, but the pl nt, being in flo;er, diffused n gree ble fr gr nce, ;hich is ;onderfully refreshing nd restor ti9e7

2esterd y ;e ;ere in9ited to the funer l of n old l dy, the gr ndmother of gentlem n in this neighbourhood, nd found oursel9es in the midst of fifty people, ;ho ;ere reg led ;ith sumptuous fe st, ccomp nied by the music of doDen pipers7 +n short, this meeting h d ll the ir of gr nd festi9 l< nd the guests did such honour to the entert inment, th t m ny of them could not st nd ;hen ;e ;ere reminded of the business on ;hich ;e h d met7 The comp ny forth;ith t king horse, rode in 9ery irregul r c 9 lc de to the pl ce of interment, church, t the dist nce of t;o long miles from the c stle7 ,n our rri9 l, ho;e9er, ;e found ;e h d committed sm ll o9ersight, in le 9ing the corpse behind< so ;e ;ere obliged to ;heel bout, nd met the old gentle;om n h lf ; y, being c rried upon poles by the ne rest rel tions of her f mily, nd ttended by the coron ch, composed of multitude of old h gs, ;ho tore their h ir, be t their bre sts, nd ho;led most hideously7 !t the gr 9e, the or tor, or sen chie, pronounced the p negyric of the defunct, e9ery period being confirmed by yell of the coron ch7 The body ; s committed to the e rth, the pipers pl ying pibroch ll the time< nd ll the comp ny st nding unco9ered7 The ceremony ; s closed ;ith the disch rge of pistols< then ;e returned to the c stle, resumed the bottle, nd by midnight there ; s not sober person in the f mily, the fem les excepted7 The 's>uire nd + ;ere, ;ith some difficulty, permitted to retire ;ith our l ndlord in the e9ening< but our entert iner ; s little ch grined t our retre t< nd fter; rds seemed to think it disp r gement to his f mily, th t not bo9e hundred g llons of ;hisky h d been drunk upon such solemn occ sion7 This morning ;e got up by four, to hunt the roebuck, nd, in h lf n hour, found bre kf st re dy ser9ed in the h ll7 The hunters consisted of Sir George Col>uhoun nd me, s str ngers Emy uncle not chusing to be of the p rtyF, of the l ird in person, the l ird's brother, the l ird's brother's son, the l ird's sister's son, the l ird's f ther's brother's son, nd ll their foster brothers, ;ho re counted p rcel of the f mily? but ;e ;ere ttended by n infinite number of G elly's, or r gged Highl nders ;ithout shoes or stockings7 The follo;ing rticles formed our morning's rep st? one kit of boiled eggs< second, full of butter< third full of cre m< n entire cheese, m de of go t's milk< l rge e rthen pot full of honey< the best p rt of h m< cold 9enison p sty< bushel of o t me l, m de in thin c kes nd b nnocks, ;ith sm ll ;he ten lo f in the middle for the str ngers< l rge stone bottle full of ;hisky, nother of br ndy, nd kilderkin of le7 There ; s l dle ch ined to the cre m kit, ;ith curious ;ooden bickers to be filled from this reser9oir7 The spirits ;ere dr nk out of sil9er >u ff, nd the le out of hems? gre t justice ; s done to the coll tion by the guest in gener l< one of them in p rticul r te bo9e t;o doDen of h rd eggs, ;ith proportion ble >u ntity of bre d, butter, nd honey< nor ; s one drop of li>uor left upon

the bo rd7 .in lly, l rge roll of tob cco ; s presented by ; y of desert, nd e9ery indi9idu l took comfort ble >uid, to pre9ent the b d effects of the morning ir7 Ae h d fine ch ce o9er the mount ins, fter roebuck, ;hich ;e killed, nd + got home time enough to drink te ;ith 0rs C mpbell nd our 's>uire7 To=morro; ;e sh ll set out on our return for C meron7 Ae propose to cross the .rith of Clyde, nd t ke the to;ns of Greenock nd Port=Gl sgo; in our ; y7 This circuit being finished, ;e sh ll turn our f ces to the south, nd follo; the sun ;ith ugmented 9elocity, in order to enjoy the rest of the utumn in Engl nd, ;here 5ore s is not >uite so biting s he begins lre dy to be on the tops of these northern hills7 5ut our progress from pl ce to pl ce sh ll continue to be specified in these det ched journ ls of 2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1* !1G23SH+1E, Sept7 :7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *+C4, !bout fortnight is no; el psed, since ;e left the c pit l of Scotl nd, directing our course to; rds Stirling, ;here ;e l y7 The c stle of this pl ce is such nother s th t of Edinburgh, nd ffords surprising prospect of the ;indings of the ri9er .orth, ;hich re so extr ordin ry, th t the dist nce from hence to !llo by l nd, is but forty miles, nd by ; ter it is t;enty=four7 !llo is ne t thri9ing to;n, th t depends in gre t me sure on the commerce of Gl sgo;, the merch nts of ;hich send hither tob cco nd other rticles, to be deposited in ; rehouses for export tion from the .rith of .orth7 +n our ; y hither ;e 9isited flourishing iron=;ork, ;here, inste d of burning ;ood, they use co l, ;hich they h 9e the rt of cle ring in such m nner s frees it from the sulphur, th t ;ould other;ise render the met l too brittle for ;orking7 Excellent co l is found in lmost e9ery p rt of Scotl nd7 The soil of this district produces sc rce ny other gr in but o ts, lid b rley< perh ps bec use it is poorly culti9 ted, nd lmost ltogether uninclosed7 The fe; inclosures they h 9e consist of p ultry ; lls of loose stones g thered from the fields, ;hich indeed they co9er, s if they h d been sc ttered on purpose7 Ahen + expressed my surpriDe th t the pe s nts did not disencumber their grounds of these stones< gentlem n, ;ell c>u inted ;ith the theory s ;ell s pr ctice of f rming, ssured me th t the stones, f r from being prejudici l, ;ere ser9ice ble to the crop7 This philosopher h d ordered field of his o;n to be cle red, m nured nd so;n ;ith b rley, nd the

produce ; s more sc nty th n before7 He c used the stones to be repl ced, nd next ye r the crop ; s s good s e9er7 The stones ;ere remo9ed second time, nd the h r9est f iled< they ;ere g in brought b ck, nd the ground retrie9ed its fertility7 The s me experiment h s been tried in different p rts of Scotl nd ;ith the s me success==!stonished t this inform tion, + desired to kno; in ;h t m nner he ccounted for this str nge phenomenon< nd he s id there ;ere three ; ys in ;hich the stones might be ser9ice ble7 They might possibly restr in n excess in the perspir tion of the e rth, n logous to colli>u ti9e s;e ts, by ;hich the hum n body is sometimes ; sted nd consumed7 They might ct s so m ny fences to protect the tender bl de from the piercing ;inds of the spring< or, by multiplying the reflexion of the sun, they might incre se the ; rmth, so s to mitig te the n tur l chilness of the soil nd clim te == 5ut, surely this excessi9e perspir tion might be more effectu lly checked by different kinds of m nure, such s shes, lime, ch lk, or m rl, of ;hich l st it seems there re m ny pits in this kingdom? s for the ; rmth, it ;ould be much more e>u lly obt ined by inclosures< the culti9 tion ;ould re>uire less l bour< nd the ploughs, h rro;s, nd horses, ;ould not suffer h lf the d m ge ;hich they no; sust in7 These north=;estern p rts re by no me ns fertile in corn7 The ground is n tur lly b rren nd moorish7 The pe s nts re poorly lodged, me gre in their looks, me n in their pp rel, nd rem rk bly dirty7 This l st repro ch they might e sily ; sh off, by me ns of those l kes, ri9ers, nd ri9ulets of pure ; ter, ;ith ;hich they re so liber lly supplied by n ture7 !griculture c nnot be expected to flourish ;here the f rms re sm ll, the le ses short, nd the husb ndm n begins upon r ck rent, ;ithout sufficient stock to ns;er the purposes of impro9ement7 The gr n ries of Scotl nd re the b nks of the T;eed, the counties of E st nd 0id=3othi n, the C rse of Go;rie, in Perthshire, e>u l in fertility to ny p rt of Engl nd, nd some tr cts in !berdeenshire nd 0urr y, ;here + m told the h r9est is more e rly th n in -orthumberl nd, lthough they lie bo9e t;o degrees f rther north7 + h 9e strong curiosity to 9isit m ny pl ces beyond the .orth nd the T y, such s Perth, *undee, 0ontrose, nd !berdeen, ;hich re to;ns e>u lly eleg nt nd thri9ing< but the se son is too f r d9 nced to dmit of this ddition to my origin l pl n7 + m so f r h ppy s to h 9e seen Gl sgo;, ;hich, to the best of my recollection nd judgment, is one of the prettiest to;ns in Europe< nd, ;ithout ll doubt, it is one of the most flourishing in Gre t 5rit in7 +n short, it is perfect bee=hi9e in point of industry7 +t st nds p rtly on gentle decli9ity< but the gre test p rt of it is in pl in, ; tered by the ri9er Clyde7 The streets re str ight, open, iry, nd ;ell p 9ed< nd the houses lofty nd ;ell built of he;n stone7 !t the upper end of

the to;n, there is 9ener ble c thedr l, th t m y be comp red ;ith 2ork=minster or Aest=minster< nd, bout the middle of the descent from this to the Cross, is the college, respect ble pile of building, ;ith ll m nner of ccommod tion for the professors nd students, including n eleg nt libr ry, nd obser9 tory ;ell pro9ided ;ith stronomic l instruments7 The number of inh bit nts is s id to mount to thirty thous nd< nd m rks of opulence nd independency ppe r in e9ery >u rter of this commerci l city, ;hich, ho;e9er, is not ;ithout its incon9eniences nd defects7 The ; ter of their public pumps is gener lly h rd nd br ckish, n imperfection the loss excus ble, s the ri9er Clyde runs by their doors, in the lo;er p rt of the to;n< nd there re ri9ulets nd springs bo9e the c thedr l, sufficient to fill l rge reser9oir ;ith excellent ; ter, ;hich might be thence distributed to ll the different p rts of the city7 +t is of more conse>uence to consult the he lth of the inh bit nts in this rticle th n to employ so much ttention in be utifying their to;n ;ith ne; streets, s>u res, nd churches7 !nother defect, not so e sily remedied, is the sh llo;ness of the ri9er, ;hich ;ill not flo t 9essels of ny burthen ;ithin ten or t;el9e miles of the city< so th t the merch nts re obliged to lo d nd unlo d their ships t Greenock nd Port=Gl sgo;, situ ted bout fourteen miles ne rer the mouth of the .rith, ;here it is bout t;o miles bro d7 The people of Gl sgo; h 9e noble spirit of enterprise == 0r 0oore, surgeon, to ;hom + ; s recommended from Edinburgh, introduced me to ll the princip l merch nts of the pl ce7 Here + bec me c>u inted ;ith 0r Cochr n, ;ho m y be stiled one of the s ges of this kingdom7 He ; s first m gistr te t the time of the l st rebellion7 + s t s member ;hen he ; s ex mined in the house of commons, upon ;hich occ sion 0r P== obser9ed he h d ne9er he rd such sensible e9idence gi9en t th t b r7 + ; s lso introduced to *r @ohn Gordon, p triot of truly 1om n spirit, ;ho is the f ther of the linen m nuf cture in this pl ce, nd ; s the gre t promoter of the city ;orkhouse, infirm ry, nd other ;orks of public utility7 H d he li9ed in ncient 1ome, he ;ould h 9e been honoured ;ith st tue t the public expence7 + moreo9er con9ersed ;ith one 0r G==ssf==d, ;hom + t ke to be one of the gre test merch nts in Europe7 +n the l st ; r, he is s id to h 9e h d t one time fi9e nd t;enty ships ;ith their c rgoes, his o;n property, nd to h 9e tr ded for bo9e h lf million sterling =ye r7 The l st ; r ; s fortun te period for the commerce of Gl sgo; == The merch nts, considering th t their ships bound for !meric , l unching out t once into the !tl ntic by the north of +rel nd, pursued tr ck 9ery little fre>uented by pri9 teers, resol9ed to insure one nother, nd s 9ed 9ery consider ble sum by this resolution, s fe; or none of their ships ;ere t ken == 2ou must kno; + h 9e sort of n tion l tt chment to this p rt of Scotl nd == The gre t church dedic ted to St 0ong h, the ri9er Clyde, nd other p rticul rs th t sm ck

of our Aelch l ngu ge nd customs, contribute to fl tter me ;ith the notion, th t these people re the descend nts of the 5ritons, ;ho once possessed this country7 Aithout ll >uestion, this ; s Cumbri n kingdom? its c pit l ; s *umb rton E corruption of *unbrittonF ;hich still exists s roy l borough, t the influx of the Clyde nd 3e9en, ten miles belo; Gl sgo;7 The s me neighbourhood g 9e birth to St P trick, the postle of +rel nd, t pl ce ;here there is still church nd 9ill ge, ;hich ret in his n me7 H rd by re some 9estiges of the f mous 1om n ; ll, built in the reign of !ntonine, from the Clyde to the .orth, nd fortified ;ith c stles, to restr in the incursions of the Scots or C ledoni ns, ;ho inh bited the Aest=Highl nds7 +n line p r llel to this ; ll, the merch nts of Gl sgo; h 9e determined to m ke n 9ig ble c n l bet;ixt the t;o .irths ;hich ;ill be of incredible d9 nt ge to their commerce, in tr nsporting merch ndiDe from one side of the isl nd to the other7 .rom Gl sgo; ;e tr 9elled long the Clyde, ;hich is delightful stre m, dorned on both sides ;ith 9ill s, to;ns, nd 9ill ges7 Here is no ; nt of gro9es, nd me do;s, nd corn=fields interspersed< but on this side of Gl sgo;, there is little other gr in th n o ts nd b rley< the first re much better, the l st much ;orse, th n those of the s me species in Engl nd7 + ;onder, there is so little rye, ;hich is gr in th t ;ill thri9e in lmost ny soil< nd it is still more surprising, th t the culti9 tion of pot toes should be so much neglected in the Highl nds, ;here the poor people h 9e not me l enough to supply them ;ith bre d through the ;inter7 ,n the other side of the ri9er re the to;ns of P isley nd 1enfre;7 The first, from n inconsider ble 9ill ge, is become one of the most flourishing pl ces of the kingdom, enriched by the linen, c mbrick, flo;ered l ;n, nd silk m nuf ctures7 +t ; s formerly noted for rich mon stery of the monks of Clugny, ;ho ;rote the f mous Scoti=Chronicon, c lled The 5l ck 5ook of P isley7 The old bbey still rem ins, con9erted into d;elling=house, belonging to the e rl of *undon ld7 1enfre; is pretty to;n, on the b nks of Clyde, c pit l of the shire, ;hich ; s heretofore the p trimony of the Stu rt f mily, nd g 9e the title of b ron to the king's eldest son, ;hich is still ssumed by the prince of A les7 The Clyde ;e left little on our left=h nd t *unbritton, ;here it ;idens into n estu ry or frith, being ugmented by the influx of the 3e9en7 ,n this spot st nds the c stle formerly c lled !lcluyd, ; shed, by these t;o ri9ers on ll sides, except n rro; isthmus, ;hich t e9ery spring=tide is o9erflo;ed7 The ;hole is gre t curiosity, from the >u lity nd form of the rock, s ;ell s from the n ture of its situ tion == Ae no; crossed the ; ter of 3e9en, ;hich, though nothing ne r so consider ble s the Clyde, is much more tr nsp rent, p stor l, nd delightful7 This ch rming stre m is the outlet of 3ough=3omond, nd through

tr ct of four miles pursues its ;inding course, murmuring o9er bed of pebbles, till it joins the .rith t *unbritton7 ! 9ery little bo9e its source, on the l ke, st nds the house of C meron, belonging to 0r Smollett, so embosomed in n o k ;ood, th t ;e did not see it till ;e ;ere ;ithin fifty y rds of the door7 + h 9e seen the 3 go di G rd , !lb no, *e 6ico, 5olsen , nd Gene9 , nd, upon my honour, + prefer 3ough=3omond to them ll, preference ;hich is cert inly o;ing to the 9erd nt isl nds th t seem to flo t upon its surf ce, ffording the most inch nting objects of repose to the excursi9e 9ie;7 -or re the b nks destitute of be uties, ;hich e9en p rt ke of the sublime7 ,n this side they displ y s;eet 9 riety of ;oodl nd, cornfield, nd p sture, ;ith se9er l gree ble 9ill s emerging s it ;ere out of the l ke, till, t some dist nce, the prospect termin tes in huge mount ins co9ered ;ith he th, ;hich being in the bloom, ffords 9ery rich co9ering of purple7 E9ery thing here is rom ntic beyond im gin tion7 This country is justly stiled the !rc di of Scotl nd< nd + don't doubt but it m y 9ie ;ith !rc di in e9ery thing but clim te7 == + m sure it excels it in 9erdure, ;ood, nd ; ter7 == Ah t s y you to n tur l b son of pure ; ter, ne r thirty miles long, nd in some pl ces se9en miles bro d, nd in m ny bo9e hundred f thom deep, h 9ing four nd t;enty h bit ble isl nds, some of them stocked ;ith deer, nd ll of them co9ered ;ith ;ood< cont ining immense >u ntities of delicious fish, s lmon, pike, trout, perch, flounders, eels, nd po; ns, the l st delic te kind of fresh=; ter herring peculi r to this l ke< nd fin lly communic ting ;ith the se , by sending off the 3e9en, through ;hich ll those species Eexcept the po; nF m ke their exit nd entr nce occ sion llyC +nclosed + send you the copy of little ode to this ri9er, by *r Smollett, ;ho ; s born on the b nks of it, ;ithin t;o miles of the pl ce ;here + m no; ;riting7 == +t is t le st pictures>ue nd ccur tely descripti9e, if it h s no other merit7 == There is n ide of truth in n gree ble l ndsc pe t ken from n ture, ;hich ple ses me more th n the g yest fiction ;hich the most luxuri nt f ncy c n displ y7 + h 9e other rem rks to m ke< but s my p per is full, + must reser9e them till the next occ sion7 + sh ll only obser9e t present, th t + m determined to penetr te t le st forty miles into the Highl nds, ;hich no; ppe r like 9 st f nt stic 9ision in the clouds, in9iting the ppro ch of 2ours l; ys, 0!TT7 51!053E C!0E1,-, !ug7 "I7 ,*E T, 3E6E-=A!TE1 ,n 3e9en's b nks, ;hile free to ro9e,

!nd tune the rur l pipe to lo9e< + en9ied not the h ppiest s; in Th t e9er trod th' !rc di n pl in7 Pure stre mG in ;hose tr nsp rent ; 9e 0y youthful limbs + ;ont to l 9e< -o torrents st in thy limpid source< -o rocks impede thy dimpling course, Th t s;eetly ; rbles o'er its bed, Aith ;hite, round, polish'd pebbles spre d< Ahile, lightly pois'd, the sc ly brood +n myri ds cle 9e thy cryst l flood< The springing trout in speckled pride< The s lmon, mon rch of the tide< The ruthless pike, intent on ; r< The sil9er eel, nd motled p r7O *e9ol9ing from thy p rent l ke, ! ch rming m De thy ; ters m ke, 5y bo;'rs of birch, nd gro9es of pine, !nd hedges flo;'r'd ;ith egl ntine7 Still on thy b nks so g yly green, 0 y num'rous herds nd flocks be seen, !nd l sses ch nting o'er the p il, !nd shepherds piping in the d le, !nd ncient f ith th t kno;s no guile, !nd industry imbro;n'd ;ith toil, !nd he rts resol9'd, nd h nds prep r'd, The blessings they enjoy to gu rd7 O The p r is sm ll fish, not unlike the smelt, ;hich it ri9 ls in delic cy nd fl 9our7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *,CT,1, +f + ; s disposed to be critic l, + should s y this house of C meron is too ne r the l ke, ;hich ppro ches, on one side, to ;ithin six or se9en y rds of the ;indo;7 +t might h 9e been pl ced in higher site, ;hich ;ould h 9e fforded more extensi9e prospect nd drier tmosphere< but this imperfection is not ch rge ble on the present proprietor, ;ho purch sed it re dy built, r ther th n be t the trouble of rep iring his o;n f mily=house of 5onhill, ;hich st nds t;o miles from hence on the 3e9en, so surrounded ;ith pl nt tion, th t it used to be kno;n by the n me of the 0 9is Eor thrushF -est7 !bo9e th t house is rom ntic glen or clift of mount in, co9ered ;ith h nging ;oods

h 9ing t bottom stre m of fine ; ter th t forms number of c sc des in its descent to join the 3e9en< so th t the scene is >uite ench nting7 ! c pt in of m n of ; r, ;ho h d m de the circuit of the globe ;ith 0r !nson, being conducted to this glen, excl imed, '@u n .ern ndeD, by GodG' +ndeed, this country ;ould be perfect p r dise, if it ; s not, like A les, cursed ;ith ;eeping clim te, o;ing to the s me c use in both, the neighbourhood of high mount ins, nd ;esterly situ tion, exposed to the 9 pours of the !tl ntic oce n7 This ir, ho;e9er, not;ithst nding its humidity, is so he lthy, th t the n ti9es re sc rce e9er 9isited by ny other dise se th n the sm llpox, nd cert in cut neous e9ils, ;hich re the effects of dirty li9ing, the gre t nd gener l repro ch of the common lty of this kingdom7 Here re gre t m ny li9ing monuments of long e9ity< nd mong the rest person, ;hom + tre t ;ith singul r respect, s 9ener ble druid, ;ho h s li9ed ne r ninety ye rs, ;ithout p in or sickness, mong o ks of his o;n pl nting7 == He ; s once proprietor of these l nds< but being of projecting spirit, some of his schemes misc rried, nd he ; s obliged to p rt ;ith his possession, ;hich h th shifted h nds t;o or three times since th t period< but e9ery succeeding proprietor h th done e9ery thing in his po;er, to m ke his old ge e sy nd comfort ble7 He h s sufficiency to procure the necess ries of life< nd he nd his old ;om n reside in sm ll con9enient f rm=house, h 9ing little g rden ;hich he culti9 tes ;ith his o;n h nds7 This ncient couple li9e in gre t he lth, pe ce, nd h rmony, nd, kno;ing no ; nts, enjoy the perfection of content7 0r Smollet c lls him the dmir l, bec use he insists upon steering his ple sure=bo t upon the l ke< nd he spends most of his time in r nging through the ;oods, ;hich he decl res he enjoys s much s if they ;ere still his o;n property == + sked him the other d y, if he ; s ne9er sick, nd he ns;ered, 2es< he h d slight fe9er the ye r before the union7 +f he ; s not de f, + should t ke much ple sure in his con9ers tion< for he is 9ery intelligent, nd his memory is surprisingly retenti9e == These re the h ppy effects of temper nce, exercise, nd good n ture == -ot;ithst nding ll his innocence, ho;e9er, he ; s the c use of gre t perturb tion to my m n Clinker, ;hose n tur l superstition h s been much injured, by the histories of ;itches, f iries, ghosts, nd goblins, ;hich he h s he rd in this country == ,n the e9ening fter our rri9 l, Humphry strolled into the ;ood, in the course of his medit tion, nd ll t once the dmir l stood before him, under the sh do; of spre ding o k7 Though the fello; is f r from being timorous in c ses th t re not supposed pretern tur l, he could not st nd the sight of this pp rition, but r n into the kitchen, ;ith his h ir st nding on end, st ring ;ildly, nd depri9ed of utter nce7 0rs @enkins, seeing him in this condition, scre med loud, '3ord h 9e mercy upon us, he h s seen somethingG' 0rs T bith ; s l rmed, nd the ;hole house in confusion7 Ahen he ; s recruited ;ith dr m, + desired him to

expl in the me ning of ll this git tion< nd, ;ith some reluct nce, he o;ned he h d seen spirit, in the sh pe of n old m n ;ith ;hite be rd, bl ck c p, nd pl id night=go;n7 He ; s undecei9ed by the dmir l in person, ;ho, coming in t this juncture, ppe red to be cre ture of re l flesh nd blood7 *o you kno; ho; ;e f re in this Scottish p r diseC Ae m ke free ;ith our l ndlord's mutton, ;hich is excellent, his poultry=y rd, his g rden, his d iry, nd his cell r, ;hich re ll ;ell stored7 Ae h 9e delicious s lmon, pike, trout, perch, p r, Bc7 t the door, for the t king7 The .rith of Clyde, on the other side of the hill, supplies us ;ith mullet, red nd grey, cod, m ck rel, ;hiting, nd 9 riety of se =fish, including the finest fresh herrings + e9er t sted7 Ae h 9e s;eet, juicy beef, nd toler ble 9e l, ;ith delic te bre d from the little to;n of *unbritton< nd plenty of p rtridge, gro;se, he th cock, nd other g me in presents7 Ae h 9e been 9isited by ll the gentlemen in the neighbourhood, nd they h 9e entert ined us t their houses, not b rely ;ith hospit lity, but ;ith such m rks of cordi l ffection, s one ;ould ;ish to find mong ne r rel tions, fter n bsence of m ny ye rs7 + told you, in my l st, + h d projected n excursion to the Highl nds, ;hich project + h 9e no; h ppily executed, under the uspices of Sir George Col>uhoun, colonel in the *utch ser9ice, ;ho offered himself s our conductor on this occ sion7 3e 9ing our ;omen t C meron, to the c re nd inspection of 3 dy H== C==, ;e set out on horseb ck for +n9er ry, the county to;n of !rgyle, nd dined on the ro d ;ith the 3 ird of 0 cf rl ne, the gre test gene logist + e9er kne; in ny country, nd perfectly c>u inted ;ith ll the nti>uities of Scotl nd7 The *uke of !rgyle h s n old c stle in +n9er ry, ;here he resides ;hen he is in Scotl nd< nd h rd by is the shell of noble Gothic p l ce, built by the l st duke, ;hich, ;hen finished, ;ill be gre t orn ment to this p rt of the Highl nds7 !s for +n9er ry, it is pl ce of 9ery little import nce7 This country is m Dingly ;ild, especi lly to; rds the mount ins, ;hich re he ped upon the b cks of one nother, m king most stupendous ppe r nce of s 9 ge n ture, ;ith h rdly ny signs of culti9 tion, or e9en of popul tion7 !ll is sublimity, silence, nd solitude7 The people li9e together in glens or bottoms, ;here they re sheltered from the cold nd storms of ;inter? but there is m rgin of pl in ground spre d long the se side, ;hich is ;ell inh bited nd impro9ed by the rts of husb ndry< nd this + t ke to be one of the most gree ble tr cts of the ;hole isl nd< the se not only keeps it ; rm, nd supplies it ;ith fish, but ffords one of the most r 9ishing prospects in the ;hole ;orld< +

me n the ppe r nce of the Hebrides, or Aestern +sl nds to the number of three hundred, sc ttered s f r s the eye c n re ch, in the most gree ble confusion7 !s the soil nd clim te of the Highl nds re but ill d pted to the culti9 tion of corn, the people pply themsel9es chiefly to the breeding nd feeding of bl ck c ttle, ;hich turn to good ccount7 Those nim ls run ;ild ll the ;inter, ;ithout ny shelter or subsistence, but ;h t they c n find mong the he th7 Ahen the sno; lies so deep nd h rd, th t they c nnot penetr te to the roots of the gr ss, they m ke diurn l progress, guided by sure instinct, to the se side t lo; ; ter, ;here they feed on the lg m rin , nd other pl nts th t gro; upon the be ch7 Perh ps this br nch of husb ndry, ;hich re>uired 9ery little ttend nce nd l bour, is one of the princip l c uses of th t idleness nd ; nt of industry, ;hich distinguishes these mount ineers in their o;n country7 Ahen they come forth into the ;orld, they become s diligent nd lert s ny people upon e rth7 They re undoubtedly 9ery distinct species from their fello; subjects of the 3o;l nds, g inst ;hom they indulge n ncient spirit of nimosity< nd this difference is 9ery discernible e9en mong persons of f mily nd educ tion7 The 3o;l nders re gener lly cool nd circumspect, the Highl nders fiery nd ferocious?' but this 9iolence of their p ssions ser9es only to infl me the De l of their de9otion to str ngers, ;hich is truly enthusi stic7 Ae proceeded bout t;enty miles beyond +n9er ry, to the house of gentlem n, friend of our conductor, ;here ;e st yed fe; d ys, nd ;ere fe sted in such m nner, th t + beg n to dre d the conse>uence to my constitution7 -ot;ithst nding the solitude th t pre9 ils mong these mount ins, there is no ; nt of people in the Highl nds7 + m credibly informed th t the duke of !rgyle c n ssemble fi9e thous nd men in rms, of his o;n cl n nd surn me, ;hich is C mpbell< nd there is besides tribe of the s me ppell tion, ;hose chief' is the E rl of 5re d lbine7 The 0 cdon lds re s numerous, nd rem rk bly ; rlike? the C merons, 0'3eods, .r sers, Gr nts, 0'4enDies, 0'4 ys, 0'Phersons, 0'+ntoshes, re po;erful cl ns< so th t if ll the Highl nders, including the inh bit nts of the +sles, ;ere united, they could bring into the field n rmy of forty thous nd fighting men, c p ble of undert king the most d ngerous enterpriDe7 Ae h 9e li9ed to see four thous nd of them, ;ithout discipline, thro; the ;hole kingdom of Gre t 5rit in into confusion7 They tt cked nd defe ted t;o rmies of regul r troops ccustomed to ser9ice7 They penetr ted into the centre of Engl nd< nd fter; rds m rched b ck ;ith deliber tion, in the f ce of t;o other rmies, through n enemy's country, ;here e9ery prec ution ; s t ken to cut off their retre t7 + kno; not ny other people in Europe, ;ho, ;ithout the use or kno;ledge of

rms, ;ill tt ck regul r forces s;ord in h nd, if their chief ;ill he d them in b ttle7 Ahen disciplined, they c nnot f il of being excellent soldiers7 They do not ; lk like the gener lity of m nkind, but trot nd bounce like deer, s if they mo9ed upon springs7 They gre tly excel the 3o;l nders in ll the exercises th t re>uire gility< they re incredibly bstemious, nd p tient of hunger nd f tigue, == so steeled g inst the ;e ther, th t in tr 9elling, e9en ;hen the ground is co9ered ;ith sno;, they ne9er look for house, or ny other shelter but their pl id, in ;hich they ;r p themsel9es up, nd go to sleep under the cope of he 9en7 Such people, in >u lity of soldiers, must be in9incible, ;hen the business is to perform >uick m rches in difficult country, to strike sudden strokes, be t up the enemy's >u rters, h rr ss their c 9 lry, nd perform expeditions ;ithout the form lity of m g Dines, b gg ge, for ge, nd rtillery7 The chieft inship of the Highl nders is 9ery d ngerous influence oper ting t the extremity of the isl nd, ;here the eyes nd h nds of go9ernment c nnot be supposed to see $ nd( ct ;ith precision nd 9igour7 +n order to bre k the force of cl nship, dministr tion h s l; ys pr ctised the politic l m xim, *i9ide et imper 7 The legisl ture h th not only dis rmed these mount ineers, but lso depri9ed them of their ntient g rb, ;hich contributed in gre t me sure to keep up their milit ry spirit< nd their sl 9ish tenures re ll dissol9ed by ct of p rli ment< so th t they re t present s free nd independent of their chiefs, s the l ; c n m ke them? but the origin l tt chment still rem ins, nd is founded on something prior to the feud l system, bout ;hich the ;riters of this ge h 9e m de such pother, s if it ; s ne; disco9ery, like the Copernic n system7 E9ery peculi rity of policy, custom, nd e9en temper ment, is ffectedly tr ced to this origin, s if the feud l constitution h d not been common to lmost ll the n ti9es of Europe7 .or my p rt, + expect to see the use of trunk=hose nd buttered le scribed to the influence of the feud l system7 The connection bet;een the cl ns nd their chiefs is, ;ithout ll doubt, p tri rch l7 +t is founded on heredit ry reg rd nd ffection, cherished through long succession of ges7 The cl n consider the chief s their f ther, they be r his n me, they belie9e themsel9es descended from his f mily, nd they obey him s their lord, ;ith ll the rdour of fili l lo9e nd 9ener tion< ;hile he, on his p rt, exerts p tern l uthority, comm nding, ch stising, re; rding, protecting, nd m int ining them s his o;n children7 +f the legisl ture ;ould entirely destroy this connection, it must compel the Highl nders to ch nge their h bit tion nd their n mes7 E9en this experiment h s been formerly tried ;ithout success == +n the reign of @ mes 6+ b ttle ; s fought ;ithin fe; short miles of this pl ce, bet;een t;o cl ns, the 0'Gregors nd the Col>uhouns, in ;hich the l tter ;ere defe ted? the 3 ird of 0'Gregor m de such b rb rous use of his 9ictory, th t he ; s forfeited nd outl ;ed by ct of p rli ment? his l nds ;ere gi9en to the f mily of 0ontrose, nd his cl n ;ere

obliged to ch nge their n me7 They obeyed so f r, s to c ll themsel9es se9er lly C mpbell, Gr h m, or *rummond, the surn mes of the f milies of !rgyle, 0ontrose, nd Perth, th t they might enjoy the protection of those houses< but they still dded 0'Gregor to their ne; ppell tion< nd s their chief ; s depri9ed of his est te, they robbed nd plundered for his subsistence7 == 0r C meron of 3ochiel, the chief of th t cl n, ;hose f ther ; s tt inted for h 9ing been concerned in the l st rebellion, returning from .r nce in obedience to procl m tion nd ct of p rli ment, p ssed t the beginning of the l te ; r, p yed 9isit to his o;n country, nd hired f rm in the neighbourhood of his f ther's house, ;hich h d been burnt to the ground7 The cl n, though ruined nd sc ttered, no sooner he rd of his rri9 l th n they flocked to him from ll >u rters, to ;elcome his return, nd in fe; d ys stocked his f rm ;ith se9en hundred bl ck c ttle, ;hich they h d s 9ed in the gener l ;reck of their ff irs? but their belo9ed chief, ;ho ; s promising youth, did not li9e to enjoy the fruits of their fidelity nd tt chment7 The most effectu l method + kno; to ;e ken, nd t length destroy this influence, is to employ the common lty in such m nner s to gi9e them t ste of property nd independence7 +n 9 in the go9ernment gr nts them d9 nt geous le ses on the forfeited est tes, if they h 9e no property to prosecute the me ns of impro9ement == The se is n inexh ustible fund of riches< but the fishery c nnot be c rried on ;ithout 9essels, c sks, s lt, lines, nets, nd other t ckle7 + con9ersed ;ith sensible m n of this country, ;ho, from re l spirit of p triotism h d set up fishery on the co st, nd m nuf cture of co rse linen, for the employment of the poor Highl nders7 Cod is here in such plenty, th t he told me he h d seen se9er l hundred t ken on one line, t one h ;l == +t must be obser9ed, ho;e9er, th t the line ; s of immense length, nd h d t;o thous nd hooks, b ited ;ith muscles< but the fish ; s so superior to the cod c ught on the b nks of -e;foundl nd, th t his correspondent t 3isbon sold them immedi tely t his o;n price, lthough 3ent ; s just o9er ;hen they rri9ed, nd the people might be supposed >uite cloyed ;ith this kind of diet == His linen m nuf cture ; s like;ise in prosperous ; y, ;hen the l te ; r inter9ening, ll his best h nds ;ere pressed into the ser9ice7 +t c nnot be expected, th t the gentlemen of this country should execute commerci l schemes to render their 9 ss ls independent< nor, indeed, re such schemes suited to their ; y of life nd inclin tion< but comp ny of merch nts might, ;ith proper m n gement, turn to good ccount fishery est blished in this p rt of Scotl nd == ,ur people h 9e str nge itch to coloniDe !meric , ;hen the unculti9 ted p rts of our o;n isl nd might be settled to gre ter d9 nt ge7

!fter h 9ing r mbled through the mount ins nd glens of !rgyle, ;e 9isited the dj cent isl nds of +l , @ur , 0ull, nd +comkill7 +n the first, ;e s ; the rem ins of c stle, built in l ke, ;here 0 cdon ld, lord or king of the isles, formerly resided7 @ur is f mous for h 9ing gi9en birth to one 0 ckcr in, ;ho li9ed one hundred nd eighty ye rs in one house, nd died in the reign of Ch rles the Second7 0ull ffords se9er l b ys, ;here there is s fe nchor ge? in one of ;hich, the .lorid , ship of the Sp nish rm d , ; s blo;n up by one of 0r Smollett's ncestors == !bout forty ye rs go, @ohn duke of !rgyle is s id to h 9e consulted the Sp nish registers, by ;hich it ppe red, th t this ship h d the milit ry chest on bo rd == He employed experienced di9ers to ex mine the ;reck< nd they found the hull of the 9essel still entire, but so co9ered ;ith s nd, th t they could not m ke their ; y bet;een decks< ho;e9er, they picked up se9er l pieces of pl te, th t ;ere sc ttered bout in the b y, nd couple of fine br ss c nnon7 +colmkill, or +on , is sm ll isl nd ;hich St Columb chose for his h bit tion == +t ; s respected for its s nctity, nd college or semin ry of ecclesi stics == P rt of its church is still st nding, ;ith the tombs of se9er l Scottish, +rish, nd * nish so9ereigns, ;ho ;ere here interred == These isl nders re 9ery bold nd dexterous ; termen, conse>uently the better d pted to the fishery? in their m nners they re less s 9 ge nd impetuous th n their countrymen on the continent< nd they spe k the Erse or G elick in its gre test purity7 H 9ing sent round our horses by l nd, ;e emb rked in the distinct of Co; l, for Greenock, ;hich is ne t little to;n, on the other side of the .rith, ;ith curious h rbour formed by three stone jetties, c rried out good ; y into the se == -e;port=Gl sgo; is such nother pl ce, bout t;o miles higher up7 5oth h 9e f ce of business nd plenty, nd re supported entirely by the shipping of Gl sgo;, of ;hich + counted sixty l rge 9essels in these h rbours == T king bo t g in t -e;port, ;e ;ere in less th n n hour l nded on the other side, ;ithin t;o short miles of our he d=>u rters, ;here ;e found our ;omen in good he lth nd spirits7 They h d been t;o d ys before joined by 0r7 Smollett nd his l dy, to ;hom ;e h 9e such oblig tions s + c nnot mention, e9en to you, ;ithout blushing7 To=morro; ;e sh ll bid dieu to the Scotch !rc di , nd begin our progress to the south; rd, t king our ; y by 3 nerk nd -ithsd le, to the ;est borders of Engl nd7 + h 9e recei9ed so much d9 nt ge nd s tisf ction from this tour, th t if my he lth suffers no re9olution in the ;inter, + belie9e + sh ll be tempted to undert ke nother expedition to the -orthern extremity of C ithness, unencumbered by those impediments ;hich no; clog the heels of,

2ours, 0!TT7 51!053E C!0E1,-, Sept7 '7

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7 02 *E!1EST 3ETT2, -e9er did poor prisoner long for deli9er nce, more th n + h 9e longed for n opportunity to disburthen my c res into your friendly bosom< nd the occ sion ;hich no; presents itself, is little less th n mir culous == Honest S unders 0 c ;ly, the tr 9elling Scotchm n, ;ho goes e9ery ye r to A les, is no; t Gl sgo;, buying goods, nd coming to p y his respects to our f mily, h s undert ken to deli9er this letter into your o;n h nd == Ae h 9e been six ;eeks in Scotl nd, nd seen the princip l to;ns of the kingdom, ;here ;e h 9e been tre ted ;ith gre t ci9ility == The people re 9ery courteous< nd the country being exceedingly rom ntic, suits my turn nd inclin tions == + contr cted some friendships t Edinburgh, ;hich is l rge nd lofty city, full of g y comp ny< nd, in p rticul r, commenced n intim te correspondence ;ith one miss 1==t==n, n mi ble young l dy of my o;n ge, ;hose ch rms seemed to soften, nd e9en to subdue the stubborn he rt of my brother @ery< but he no sooner left the pl ce th n he rel psed into his former insensibility == + feel, ho;e9er, th t this indifference is not the f mily constitution == + ne9er dmitted but one ide of lo9e, nd th t h s t ken such root in my he rt, s to be e>u lly proof g inst ll the pulls of discretion, nd the frosts of neglect7 *e r 3ettyG + h d n l rming d9enture t the hunters b ll in Edinburgh == Ahile + s t discoursing ;ith friend in corner, ll t once the 9ery im ge of Ailson stood before me, dressed ex ctly s he ; s in the ch r cter of !im;ellG +t ; s one 0r Gordon, ;hom + h d not seen before == Shocked t the sudden pp rition, + f inted ; y, nd thre; the ;hole ssembly in confusion == Ho;e9er, the c use of my disorder rem ined secret to e9ery body but my brother, ;ho ; s like;ise struck ;ith the resembl nce, nd scolded fter ;e c me home == + m 9ery sensible of @ery's ffection, nd kno; he spoke s ;ell ;ith 9ie; to my o;n interest nd h ppiness, s in reg rd to the honour of the f mily< but + c nnot be r to h 9e my ;ounds probed se9erely == + ; s not so much ffected by the censure he p ssed upon my o;n indiscretion, s ;ith the reflection he m de on the conduct of Ailson7 He obser9ed, th t if he ; s re lly the gentlem n he pretended to be, nd h rboured nothing but honour ble designs, he ;ould h 9e 9indic ted his pretensions in the f ce of d y == This rem rk m de deep impression upon my mind == + ende 9oured to conce l my thoughts< nd this ende 9our h d b d effect upon my he lth nd

spirits< so it ; s thought necess ry th t + should go to the Highl nds, nd drink the go t=milk=;hey7 Ae ;ent ccordingly to 3ough 3omond, one of the most ench nting spots in the ;hole ;orld< nd ;h t ;ith this remedy, ;hich + h d e9ery morning fresh from the mount ins, nd the pure ir, nd che rful comp ny, + h 9e reco9ered my flesh nd ppetite< though there is something still t bottom, ;hich it is not in the po;er of ir, exercise, comp ny, or medicine to remo9e == These incidents ;ould not touch me so ne rly, if + h d sensible confid nt to symp thiDe ;ith my ffliction, nd comfort me ;ith ;holesome d9ice == + h 9e nothing of this kind, except Ain @enkins, ;ho is re lly good body in the m in, but 9ery ill >u lified for such n office == The poor cre ture is ;e k in her ner9es, s ;ell s in her underst nding< other;ise + might h 9e kno;n the true n me nd ch r cter of th t unfortun te youth == 5ut ;hy do + c ll him unfortun teC perh ps the epithet is more pplic ble to me for h 9ing listened to the f lse professions of == 5ut, holdG + h 9e s yet no right, nd sure + h 9e no inclin tion to belie9e ny thing to the prejudice of his honour == +n th t reflection + sh ll still exert my p tience7 !s for 0rs @enkins, she herself is re lly n object of comp ssion == 5et;een 9 nity, methodism, nd lo9e, her he d is lmost turned7 + should h 9e more reg rd for her, ho;e9er, if she h d been more const nt in the object of her ffection< but, truly, she imed t con>uest, nd flirted t the s me time ;ith my uncle's footm n, Humphrey Clinker, ;ho is re lly deser9ing young m n, nd one *utton, my brother's 9 let de ch mbre, deb uched fello;< ;ho, le 9ing Ain in the lurch, r n ; y ;ith nother m n's bride t 5er;ick7 0y de r Aillis, + m truly sh med of my o;n sex == Ae compl in of d9 nt ges ;hich the men t ke of our youth, inexperience, insensibility, nd ll th t< but + h 9e seen enough to belie9e, th t our sex in gener l m ke it their business to ensn re the other< nd for this purpose, employ rts ;hich re by no me ns to be justified == +n point of const ncy, they cert inly h 9e nothing to repro ch the m le p rt of the cre tion == 0y poor unt, ;ithout ny reg rd to her ye rs nd imperfections, h s gone to m rket ;ith her ch rms in e9ery pl ce ;here she thought she h d the le st ch nce to dispose of her person, ;hich, ho;e9er, h ngs still he 9y on her h nds == + m fr id she h s used e9en religion s decoy, though it h s not ns;ered her expect tion == She h s been pr ying, pre ching, nd c techising mong the methodists, ;ith ;hom this country bounds< nd pretends to h 9e such m nifest tions nd re9el tions, s e9en Clinker himself c n h rdly belie9e, though the poor fello; is h lf cr Dy ;ith enthusi sm7 !s for @enkins, she ffects to t ke ll her mistress's re9eries for gospel7 She h s lso her he rt=he 9ings nd motions of the spirit< nd God forgi9e me if + think unch rit bly, but ll this seems to me to be do;nright hypocrisy nd deceit == Perh ps, indeed, the poor girl imposes on herself ==

She is gener lly in flutter, nd is much subject to 9 pours == Since ;e c me to Scotl nd, she h s seen pp ritions, nd pretends to prophesy == +f + could put f ith in ll these supern tur l 9isit tions, + should think myself b ndoned of gr ce< for + h 9e neither seen, he rd, nor felt nything of this n ture, lthough + ende 9our to disch rge the duties of religion ;ith ll the sincerity, De l, nd de9otion, th t is in the po;er of, *e r 3etty, your e9er ffection te, 32*+! 0E3.,1* G3!SG,A, Sept7 H7 Ae re so f r on our return to 5r mbleton=h ll< nd + ;ould f in hope ;e sh ll t ke Gloucester in our ; y, in ;hich c se + sh ll h 9e the inexpressible ple sure of embr cing my de r Aillis == Pr y remember me to my ;orthy go9erness7

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7 *E!1 0!12, Sunders 0 cully, the Scotchm n, ;ho pushes directly for 6 ils, h s promised to gi9e it you into your o;n h nd, nd therefore + ;ould not miss the opportunity to let you kno; s + m still in the l nd of the li9ing? nd yet + h 9e been on the brink of the other ;orld since + sent you my l st letter7 == Ae ;ent by se to nother kingdom c lled .ife, nd coming b ck, h d like to h 9e gone to pot in storm7 == Ah t bet;een the frite nd sickness, + thought + should h 9e brought my he rt up< e9en 0r Clinker ; s not his o;n m n for eight nd forty hours fter ;e got shore7 +t ; s ;ell for some folks th t ;e sc ped dro;nding< for mistress ; s 9ery frexious, nd seemed but indifferently prep red for ch nge< but, th nk God, she ; s soon put in better fr me by the pri9 te ex lt tions of the re9erend 0r 0 crocodile7 == Ae fter; rds churned to St rling nd Gr sco;, ;hich re kiple of h ndsome to;ns< nd then ;e ;ent to gentlem n's house t 3off=3oming, ;hich is ;onderful se of fresh ; ter, ;ith po;er of hyl nds in the midst on't7 == They s y s ho; it h s n'er bottom, nd ; s m de by musici n nd, truly, + belie9e it< for it is not in the co rse of n ture7 == +t h s got ; 9es ;ithout ;ind, fish ;ithout fins, nd flo ting hyl nd< nd one of them is crutch=y rd, ;here the de d re buried< nd l; ys before the person dies, bell rings of itself to gi9e ; rning7 , 0 ryG this is the l nd of congyr tion == The bell knolled ;hen ;e ;ere there == + s ; lights, nd he rd l ment tions7 == The gentlem n, our l ndlord, h s got nother house, ;hich he ; s f in to >uit, on ccount of mischie9ous ghost, th t ;ould not suffer people

to lie in their beds7 The f iries d;ell in hole of 4 irm nn, mounting h rd by< nd they ste l ; y the good ;omen th t re in the str ;, if so be s ho; there 'n't horshoe n iled to the door? nd + ; s she;n n ould 9itch, c lled Elsp th 1ing 9ey, ;ith red pettico t, ble red eyes, nd mould of grey bristles on her sin7 == Th t she mought do me no h rm, + crossed her h nd ;ith t ster, nd bid her tell my fortune< nd she told me such things descri9ing 0r Clinker to h ir == but it sh ll ne'er be s id, th t + minchioned ;ord of the m tter7 == !s + ; s troubled ;ith fits, she d9ised me to b the in the loff, ;hich ; s holy ; ter< nd so + ;ent in the morning to pri9 te pl ce long ;ith the house=m id, nd ;e b thed in our birth=d y soot, fter the f shion of the country< nd behold ;hilst ;e d bbled in the loff, sir George Coon st rted up ;ith gun< but ;e cl pt our h nds to our f ces, nd p ssed by him to the pl ce ;here ;e h d left our smocks == ! ci9il gentlem n ;ould h 9e turned his he d nother ; y7 == 0y comfit is, he ne; not ;hich ; s ;hich< nd, s the s ying is, ll c ts in the d rk re grey == Ahilst ;e st yed t 3off=3oming, he nd our t;o s>uires ;ent three or four d ys churning mong the ;ild men of the mountings< p rcel of sel9idges th t lie in c 9es mong the rocks, de9our young children, spe k 6elch, but the 9ords re different7 ,ur l dies ;ould not p rt ;ith 0r Clinker, bec use he is so stout nd so pyehouse, th t he fe rs neither m n nor de9ils, if so be s they don't t ke him by surprise7 == +ndeed, he ; s once so flurried by n operition, th t he h d like to h 9e sounded7 == He m de belie9e s if it h d been the ould edmir l< but the old edmir l could not h 9e m de his ir to st nd on end,, nd his teeth to sh tter< but he s id so in prudence, th t the l dies mought not be fe r'd7 0iss 3iddy h s been puny, nd like to go into decline == + doubt her pore rt is too tinder == but the got's=fey h s set her on her legs g in7 == 2ou no;s got's=fey is mother's milk to 6elch ;om n7 !s for mistress, blessed be God, she ils nothing7 == Her stomick is good, nd she impro9es in gre se nd godliness< but, for ll th t, she m y h 9e infections like other people, nd + belie9e, she ;ouldn't be sorry to be c lled your l dyship, ;hene9er sir George thinks proper to x the >uestion == 5ut, for my p rt, ;h te9er + m y see or he r, not pr ticle sh ll e9er p ss the lips of, *e r 0olly, 2our lo9ing friend, A+-7 @E-4+-S G1!SC,, Sept7 H7 1emember me, s usu l, to S ll7 == Ae re no; coming home, though not the ne rest ro d7 == + do suppose, + sh ll find the kitten fine bo r t my return7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 t ,xon7 *E!1 4-+GHT, ,nce more + tre d upon English ground, ;hich + like not the ;orse for the six ;eeks' r mble + h 9e m de mong the ;oods nd mount ins of C ledoni < no offence to the l nd of c kes, ;here b nnocks gro; upon str ;7 + ne9er s ; my uncle in such he lth nd spirits s he no; enjoys7 3iddy is perfectly reco9ered< nd 0rs T bith h s no re son to compl in7 -e9ertheless, + belie9e, she ; s, till yesterd y, inclined to gi9e the ;hole Scotch n tion to the de9il, s p ck of insensible brutes, upon ;hom her ccomplishments h d been displ yed in 9 in7 == !t e9ery pl ce ;here ;e h lted, did she mount the st ge, nd flourished her rusty rms, ;ithout being ble to m ke one con>uest7 ,ne of her l st ess ys ; s g inst the he rt of Sir George Col>uhoun, ;ith ;hom she fought ll the ;e pons more th n t;ice o9er7 == She ; s gr 9e nd g y by turns == she mor liDed nd methodiDed == she l ughed, nd romped, nd d nced, nd sung, nd sighed, nd ogled, nd lisped, nd fluttered, nd fl ttered == but ll ; s pre ching to the des rt7 The b ronet, being ;ell=bred m n, c rried his ci9ilities s f r s she could in conscience expect, nd, if e9il tongues re to be belie9ed, some degrees f rther< but he ; s too much 9eter n in g ll ntry, s ;ell s in ; r, to f ll into ny mbusc de th t she could l y for his ffection == Ahile ;e ;ere bsent in the Highl nds, she pr ctised lso upon the l ird of 3 drishmore, nd e9en g 9e him the rendeD9ous in the ;ood of *rumsc illoch< but the l ird h d such re9erend c re of his o;n reput tion, th t he c me ttended ;ith the p rson of the p rish, nd nothing p ssed but spiritu l communic tion7 !fter ll these misc rri ges, our unt suddenly recollected lieuten nt 3ism h go, ;hom, e9er since our first rri9 l t Edinburgh, she seemed to h 9e utterly forgot< but no; she expressed her hopes of seeing him t *umfries, ccording to his promise7 Ae set out from Gl sgo; by the ; y of 3 nerk, the county=to;n of Clydesd le, in the neighbourhood of ;hich, the ;hole ri9er Clyde, rushing do;n steep rock, forms 9ery noble nd stupendous c sc de7 -ext d y ;e ;ere obliged to h lt in sm ll borough, until the c rri ge, ;hich h d recei9ed some d m ge, should be rep ired< nd here ;e met ;ith n incident ;hich ; rmly interested the bene9olent spirit of 0r 5r mble == !s ;e stood t the ;indo; of n inn th t fronted the public prison, person rri9ed on horseb ck, genteelly, tho' pl inly, dressed in blue frock, ;ith his o;n h ir cut short, nd gold=l ced h t upon his he d7 == !lighting, nd gi9ing his horse to the l ndlord, he d9 nced to n old m n ;ho ; s t ;ork in p 9ing the street, nd ccosted him in these ;ords? 'This is h rd ;ork for such n old m n s you7' == So s ying, he took the instrument out of his h nd, nd beg n to thump the p 9ement7 == !fter fe; strokes, 'H 9e you

ne9er son Es id heF to e se you of this l bourC' '2es, n ple se 2our honour Ereplied the seniorF, + h 9e three hopeful l ds, but, t present, they re out of the ; y7' 'Honour not me Ecried the str ngerF< but more becomes me to honour your grey h irs7 Ahere re those sons you t lk ofC' The ncient p 9iour s id, his eldest son ; s c pt in in the E st +ndies< nd the youngest h d l tely inlisted s soldier, in hopes of prospering like his brother7 The gentlem n desiring to kno; ;h t ; s become of the second, he ;iped his eyes, nd o;ned, he h d t ken upon him his old f ther's debts, for ;hich he ; s no; in the prison h rd by7 The tr 9eller m de three >uick steps to; rds the j il, then turning short, 'Tell me Es id heF, h s th t unn tur l c pt in sent you nothing to relie9e your distressC' 'C ll him not unn tur l Ereplied the otherF< God's blessing be upon himG he sent me gre t de l of money< but + m de b d use of it< + lost it by being security for gentlem n th t ; s my l ndlord, nd ; s stript of ll + h d in the ;orld besides7' !t th t inst nt young m n, thrusting out his he d nd neck bet;een t;o iron b rs in the prison=;indo;, excl imed, '. therG f therG if my brother Ailli m is in life, th t's heG' '+ mG == + mG == Ecried the str nger, cl sping the old m n in his rms, nd shedding flood of te rsF == + m your son Ailly, sure enoughG' 5efore the f ther, ;ho ; s >uite confounded, could m ke ny return to this tenderness, decent old ;om n bolting out from the door of poor h bit tion, cried, 'Ahere is my b irnC ;here is my de r AillyC' == The c pt in no sooner beheld her, th n he >uitted his f ther, nd r n into her embr ce7 + c n ssure you, my uncle, ;ho s ; nd he rd e9ery thing th t p ssed, ; s s much mo9ed s ny one of the p rties concerned in this p thetic recognition == He sobbed, nd ;ept, nd cl pped his h nds, nd hollo;ed, nd fin lly r n do;n into the street7 5y this time, the c pt in h d retired ;ith his p rents, nd ll the inh bit nts of the pl ce ;ere ssembled t the door7 == 0r 5r mble, ne9ertheless, pressed thro' the cro;d, nd entering the house, 'C pt in Es id heF, + beg the f 9our of your c>u int nce7 + ;ould h 9e tr 9elled hundred miles to see this ffecting scene< nd + sh ll think myself h ppy if you nd your p rents ;ill dine ;ith me t the public house7' The c pt in th nked him for his kind in9it tion, ;hich, he s id, he ;ould ccept ;ith ple sure< but in the me n time, he could not think of e ting or drinking, ;hile his poor brother ; s in trouble7 He forth;ith deposited sum e>u l to the debt in the h nds of the m gistr te, ;ho 9entured to set his brother t liberty ;ithout f rther process< nd then the ;hole f mily rep ired to the inn ;ith my uncle, ttended by the cro;d, the indi9idu ls of ;hich shook their to;nsm n by the h nd, ;hile he returned their c resses ;ithout the le st sign of pride or ffect tion7

This honest f 9ourite of fortune, ;hose n me ; s 5ro;n, told my uncle, th t he h d been bred ;e 9er, nd, bout eighteen ye rs go, h d, from spirit of idleness nd dissip tion, enlisted s soldier in the ser9ice of the E st=+ndi comp ny< th t, in the course of duty, he h d the good fortune to ttr ct the notice nd pprob tion of 3ord Cli9e, ;ho preferred him from one step to nother, till he tt ined the r nk of c pt in nd p y=m ster to the regiment, in ;hich c p cities he h d honestly m ssed bo9e t;el9e thous nd pounds, nd, t the pe ce, resigned his commission7 == He h d sent se9er l remitt nces to his f ther, ;ho recei9ed the first only, consisting of one hundred pounds< the second h d f llen into the h nds of b nkrupt< nd the third h d been consigned to gentlem n of Scotl nd, ;ho died before it rri9ed< so th t it still rem ined to be ccounted for by his executors7 He no; presented the old m n ;ith fifty pounds for his present occ sions, o9er nd bo9e b nk notes for one hundred, ;hich he h d deposited for his brother's rele se7 == He brought long ;ith him deed re dy executed, by ;hich he settled perpetuity of four=score pounds upon his p rents, to be inherited by their other t;o sons fter their dece se7 == He promised to purch se commission for his youngest brother< to t ke the other s his o;n p rtner in m nuf cture ;hich he intended to set up, to gi9e employment nd bre d to the industrious< nd to gi9e fi9e hundred pounds, by ; y of do;er, to his sister, ;ho h d m rried f rmer in lo; circumst nces7 .in lly, he g 9e fifty pounds to the poor of the to;n ;here he ; s born, nd fe sted ll the inh bit nts ;ithout exception7 0y uncle ; s so ch rmed ;ith the ch r cter of c pt in 5ro;n, th t he dr nk his he lth three times successi9ely t dinner == He s id, he ; s proud of his c>u int nce< th t he ; s n honour to his country, nd h d in some me sure redeemed hum n n ture from the repro ch of pride, selfishness, nd ingr titude7 == .or my p rt, + ; s s much ple sed ;ith the modesty s ;ith the fili l 9irtue of this honest soldier, ;ho ssumed no merit from his success, nd s id 9ery little of his o;n tr ns ctions, though the ns;ers he m de to our in>uiries ;ere e>u lly sensible nd l conic, 0rs T bith beh 9ed 9ery gr ciously to him until she understood th t he ; s going to m ke tender of his h nd to person of lo; est te, ;ho h d been his s;eet=he rt ;hile he ;orked s journeym n ;e 9er7 == ,ur unt ; s no sooner m de c>u inted ;ith this design, th n she st rched up her beh 9iour ;ith double proportion of reser9e< nd ;hen the comp ny broke up, she obser9ed ;ith toss of her nose, th t 5ro;n ; s ci9il fello; enough, considering the lo;ness of his origin l< but th t .ortune, though she h d mended his circumst nces, ; s inc p ble to r ise his ide s, ;hich ;ere still humble nd plebei n7 ,n the d y th t succeeded this d9enture, ;e ;ent some miles out of our ro d to see *ruml nrig, se t belonging to the duke of Jueensberry, ;hich ppe rs like m gnificent p l ce erected by

m gic, in the midst of ;ilderness7 == +t is indeed princely m nsion, ;ith suit ble p rks nd pl nt tions, rendered still more striking by the n kedness of the surrounding country, ;hich is one of the ;ildest tr cts in ll Scotl nd7 == This ;ildness, ho;e9er, is different from th t of the Highl nds< for here the mount ins, inste d of he th, re co9ered ;ith fine green s; rth, ffording p sture to innumer ble flocks of sheep7 5ut the fleeces of this country, c lled -ithsd le, re not comp r ble to the ;ool of G llo; y, ;hich is s id to e>u l th t of S lisbury pl in7 H 9ing p ssed the night t the c stle of *ruml nrig, by in9it tion from the duke himself, ;ho is one of the best men th t e9er bre thed, ;e prosecuted our journey to *umfries, 9ery eleg nt tr ding to;n ne r the borders of Engl nd, ;here ;e found plenty of good pro9ision nd excellent ;ine, t 9ery re son ble prices, nd the ccommod tion s good in ll respects s in ny p rt of South=5rit in7 +f + ; s confined to Scotl nd for life, + ;ould chuse *umfries s the pl ce of my residence7 Here ;e m de en>uiries bout c pt in 3ism h go, of ;hom he ring no tidings, ;e proceeded by the Sol; y .rith, to C rlisle7 2ou must kno;, th t the Sol; y s nds, upon ;hich tr 9ellers p ss t lo; ; ter, re exceedingly d ngerous, bec use, s the tide m kes, they become >uick in different pl ces, nd the flood rushes in so impetuously, th t the p ssengers re often o9ert ken by the se nd perish7 +n crossing these tre cherous Syrtes ;ith guide, ;e percei9ed dro;ned horse, ;hich Humphry Clinker, fter due inspection, decl red to be the 9ery identic l be st ;hich 0r 3ism h go rode ;hen he p rted ;ith us t .eltonbridge in -orthumberl nd7 This inform tion, ;hich seemed to intim te th t our friend the lieuten nt h d sh red the f te of his horse, ffected us ll, nd bo9e ll our unt T bith , ;ho shed s lt te rs, nd obliged Clinker to pull fe; h irs out of the de d horse's t il, to be ;orn in ring s remembr nce of his m ster? but her grief nd ours ; s not of long dur tion< for one of the first persons ;e s ; in C rlisle, ; s the lieuten nt in propri person , b rg ining ;ith horse=de ler for nother steed, in the y rd of the inn ;here ;e lighted7 == 0rs 5r mble ; s the first th t percei9ed him, nd scre med s if she h d seen ghost< nd, truly, t proper time nd pl ce, he might 9ery ;ell h 9e p ssed for n inh bit nt of nother ;orld< for he ; s more me gre nd grim th n before7 == Ae recei9ed him the more cordi lly for h 9ing supposed he h d been dro;ned< nd he ; s not deficient in expressions of s tisf ction t this meeting7 He told us, he h d en>uired for us t *umfries, nd been informed by tr 9elling merch nt from Gl sgo;, th t ;e h d resol9ed to return by the ; y of Coldstre m7 He s id, th t in p ssing the s nds ;ithout guide, his horse h d knocked up, nd he himself must h 9e perished, if he h d not been pro9identi lly relie9ed by return post=ch ise7 == He moreo9er g 9e us to underst nd, th t his scheme of settling in his o;n country h 9ing misc rried, he ; s so f r

on his ; y to 3ondon, ;ith 9ie; to emb rk for -orth=!meric , ;here he intended to p ss the rest of his d ys mong his old friends the 0i mis, nd muse himself in finishing the educ tion of the son he h d by his belo9ed S>uinkin coost 7 This project ; s by no me ns gree ble to our good unt, ;ho exp ti ted upon the f tigues nd d ngers th t ;ould ttend such long 9oy ge by se , nd fter; rds such tedious journey by l nd == She enl rged p rticul rly on the ris>ue he ;ould run, ;ith respect to the concerns of his precious soul, mong s 9 ges ;ho h d not yet recei9ed the gl d tidings of s l9 tion< nd she hinted th t his b ndoning Gre t=5rit in might, perh ps, pro9e f t l to the inclin tions of some deser9ing person, ;hom he ; s >u lified to m ke h ppy for life7 0y uncle, ;ho is re lly *on Juixote in generosity, underst nding th t 3ism h go's re l re son for le 9ing Scotl nd ; s the impossibility of subsisting in it ;ith ny decency upon the ;retched pro9ision of sub ltern's h lf=p y, beg n to be ; rmly interested on the side of comp ssion7 == He thought it 9ery h rd, th t gentlem n ;ho h d ser9ed his country ;ith honour, should be dri9en by necessity to spend his old ge, mong the refuse of m nkind, in such remote p rt of the ;orld7 == He discoursed ;ith me upon the subject< obser9ing, th t he ;ould ;illingly offer the lieuten nt n sylum t 5r mbleton=h ll, if he did not foresee th t his singul rities nd humour of contr diction ;ould render him n intoler ble housem te, though his con9ers tion t some times might be both instructi9e nd entert ining? but, s there seemed to be something p rticul r in his ttention to 0rs T bith , he nd + greed in opinion, th t this intercourse should be encour ged nd impro9ed, if possible, into m trimoni l union< in ;hich c se there ;ould be comfort ble pro9ision for both< nd they might be settled in house of their o;n, so th t 0r 5r mble should h 9e no more of their comp ny th n he desired7 +n pursu nce of this design, 3ism h go h s been in9ited to p ss the ;inter t 5r mbleton=h ll, s it ;ill be time enough to execute his !meric n project in the spring7 == He h s t ken time to consider of this propos l< me n ;hile, he ;ill keep us comp ny s f r s ;e tr 9el in the ro d to 5ristol, ;here he h s hopes of getting p ss ge for !meric 7 + m ke no doubt but th t he ;ill postpone his 9oy ge, nd prosecute his ddresses to h ppy consumm tion< nd sure, if it produces ny fruit, it must be of 9ery peculi r fl 9our7 !s the ;e ther continues f 9our ble, + belie9e, ;e sh ll t ke the Pe k of *erbyshire nd 5uxton Aells in our ; y7 == !t ny r te, from the first pl ce ;here ;e m ke ny st y, you sh ll he r g in from 2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1* C!13+S3E, Sep7 &"7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *,CT,1, The pe s ntry of Scotl nd re cert inly on poor footing ll o9er the kingdom< nd yet they look better, nd re better clo thed th n those of the s me r nk in 5urgundy, nd m ny other pl ces of .r nce nd +t ly< n y, + ;ill 9enture to s y they re better fed, not;ithst nding the bo sted ;ine of these foreign countries7 The country people of -orth=5rit in li9e chiefly on o t=me l, nd milk, cheese, butter, nd some g rden=stuff, ;ith no; nd then pickled=herring, by ; y of delic cy< but flesh=me t they seldom or ne9er t ste< nor ny kind of strong li>uor, except t;o=penny, t times of uncommon festi9ity == Their bre kf st is kind of h sty pudding, of o t=me l or pe se=me l, e ten ;ith milk7 They h 9e commonly pott ge for dinner, composed of c le or cole, leeks, b rley or big, nd butter< nd this is reinforced ;ith bre d nd cheese, m de of skimmed=milk == !t night they sup on so;ens or flummery of o t=me l == +n sc rcity of o ts, they use the me l of b rley nd pe se, ;hich is both nourishing nd p l t ble7 Some of them h 9e pot toes< nd you find p rsnips in e9ery pe s nt's g rden == They re clo thed ;ith co rse kind of russet of their o;n m king, ;hich is both decent nd ; rm == They d;ell in poor huts, built of loose stones nd turf, ;ithout ny mort r, h 9ing firepl ce or he rth in the middle, gener lly m de of n old mill=stone, nd hole t top to let out the smoke7 These people, ho;e9er, re content, nd ;onderfully s g cious == !ll of them re d the 5ible, nd re e9en >u lified to dispute upon the rticles of their f ith< ;hich in those p rts + h 9e seen, is entirely Presbyteri n7 + m told, th t the inh bit nts of !berdeenshire re still more cute7 + once kne; Scotch gentlem n t 3ondon, ;ho h d decl red ; r g inst this p rt of his countrymen< nd s;ore th t the impudence nd kn 9ery of the Scots, in th t >u rter, h d brought repro ch upon the ;hole n tion7 The ri9er Clyde, bo9e Gl sgo;, is >uite p stor l< nd the b nks of it re e9ery ;here dorned ;ith fine 9ill s7 .rom the se to its source, ;e m y reckon the se ts of m ny f milies of the first r nk, such s the duke of !rgyle t 1osene th, the e rl of 5ute in the isle of th t n me, the e rl of Glenc irn t .inl yston, lord 5l ntyre t !reskine, the dutchess of *ougl s t 5oth;ell, duke H milton t H milton, the duke of *ougl s t *ougl s, nd the e rl of Hyndford t C rmich el7 H milton is noble p l ce, m gnificently furnished< nd h rd by is the 9ill ge of th t n me, one of the ne test little to;ns + h 9e seen in ny country7 The old c stle of *ougl s being burned to the ground by ccident, the

l te duke resol9ed, s he d of the first f mily of Scotl nd, to h 9e the l rgest house in the kingdom, nd ordered pl n for this purpose< but there ; s only one ;ing of it finished ;hen he died7 +t is to be hoped th t his nephe;, ;ho is no; in possession of his gre t fortune, ;ill complete the design of his predecessor == Clydesd le is in gener l populous nd rich, cont ining gre t number of gentlemen, ;ho re independent in their fortune< but it produces more c ttle th n corn == This is lso the c se ;ith T;eed le, through p rt of ;hich ;e p ssed, nd -ithsd le, ;hich is gener lly rough, ;ild, nd mount inous == These hills re co9ered ;ith sheep< nd this is the sm ll delicious mutton, so much prefer ble to th t of the 3ondon=m rket7 !s their feeding costs so little, the sheep re not killed till fi9e ye rs old, ;hen their flesh, juices, nd fl 9our re in perfection< but their fleeces re much d m ged by the t r, ;ith ;hich they re sme red to preser9e them from the rot in ;inter, during ;hich they run ;ild night nd d y, nd thous nds re lost under huge ;re ths of sno; == 'Tis pity the f rmers c nnot contri9e some me ns to shelter this useful nim l from the inclemencies of rigorous clim te, especi lly from the perpetu l r ins, ;hich re more prejudici l th n the gre test extremity of cold ;e ther7 ,n the little ri9er -id, is situ ted the c stle of *ruml nrig, one of the noblest se ts in Gre t=5rit in, belonging to the duke of Jueensberry< one of those fe; noblemen ;hose goodness of he rt does honour to hum n=n ture == + sh ll not pretend to enter into description of this p l ce, ;hich is re lly n inst nce of the sublime in m gnificence, s ;ell s in situ tion, nd puts one in mind of the be utiful city of P lmyr , rising like 9ision in the midst of the ;ilderness7 His gr ce keeps open house, nd li9es ;ith gre t splendour == He did us the honour to recei9e us ;ith gre t courtesy, nd det in'd us ll night, together ;ith bo9e t;enty other guests, ;ith ll their ser9 nts nd horses to 9ery consider ble number == The dutchess ; s e>u lly gr cious, nd took our l dies under her immedi te protection7 The longer + li9e, + see more re son to belie9e th t prejudices of educ tion re ne9er ;holly er dic ted, e9en ;hen they re disco9ered to be erroneous nd bsurd7 Such h bits of thinking s interest the gr nd p ssions, cle 9e to the hum n he rt in such m nner, th t though n effort of re son m y force them from their hold for moment, this 9iolence no sooner ce ses, th n they resume their gr sp ;ith n incre sed el sticity nd dhesion7 + m led into this reflection, by ;h t p ssed t the duke's t ble fter supper7 The con9ers tion turned upon the 9ulg r notions of spirits nd omens, th t pre9 il mong the common lty of -orth=5rit in, nd ll the comp ny greed, th t nothing could be more ridiculous7 ,ne gentlem n, ho;e9er, told rem rk ble story of himself, by ; y of specul tion '5eing on p rty of hunting in the -orth Es id heF, + resol9ed to 9isit n old friend, ;hom + h d not seen for t;enty ye rs == So long he h d been retired nd

se>uestered from ll his c>u int nce, nd li9ed in moping mel ncholy ; y, much fflicted ;ith lo;ness of spirits, occ sioned by the de th of his ;ife, ;hom he h d lo9ed ;ith uncommon ffection7 !s he resided in remote p rt of the country, nd ;e ;ere fi9e gentlemen ;ith s m ny ser9 nts, ;e c rried some pro9ision ;ith us from the next m rket to;n, lest ;e should find him unprep red for our reception7 The ro ds being b d, ;e did not rri9e t the house till t;o o'clock in the fternoon< nd ;ere gree bly surprised to find 9ery good dinner re dy in the kitchen, nd the cloth l id ;ith six co9ers7 0y friend himself ppe red in his best pp rel t the g te, nd recei9ed us ;ith open rms, telling me he h d been expecting us these t;o hours7 !stonished t this decl r tion, + sked ;ho h d gi9en him intelligence of our comingC nd he smiled ;ithout m king ny other reply7 Ho;e9er, presuming upon our former intim cy, + fter; rds insisted upon kno;ing< nd he told me, 9ery gr 9ely, he h d seen me in 9ision of the second sight == - y, he c lled in the e9idence of his ste; rd, ;ho solemnly decl red, th t his m ster h d the d y before pprised him of my coming, ;ith four other str ngers, nd ordered him to pro9ide ccordingly< in conse>uence of ;hich intim tion, he h d prep red the dinner ;hich ;e ;ere no; e ting< nd l id the co9ers ccording to the number foretold7' The incident ;e ll o;ned to be rem rk ble, nd + ende 9oured to ccount for it by n tur l me ns7 + obser9ed, th t s the gentlem n ; s of 9ision ry turn, the c su l ide , or remembr nce of his old friend, might suggest those circumst nces, ;hich ccident h d for once re liDed< but th t in ll prob bility he h d seen m ny 9isions of the s me kind, ;hich ;ere ne9er 9erified7 -one of the comp ny directly dissented from my opinion< but from the objections th t ;ere hinted, + could pl inly percei9e th t the m jority ;ere persu ded there ; s something more extr ordin ry in the c se7 !nother gentlem n of the comp ny, ddressing himself to me, 'Aithout ll doubt Es id heF, dise sed im gin tion is 9ery pt to produce 9isions< but ;e must find some other method to ccount for something of this kind, th t h ppened ;ithin these eight d ys in my neighbourhood == ! gentlem n of good f mily, ;ho c nnot be deemed 9ision ry in ny sense of the ;ord, ; s ne r his o;n g te, in the t;ilight, 9isited by his gr ndf ther, ;ho h s been de d these fifteen ye rs == The spectre ; s mounted seemingly on the 9ery horse he used to ride, ;ith n ngry nd terrible counten nce, nd s id something, ;hich his gr ndson, in the confusion of fe r, could not underst nd7 5ut this ; s not ll == He lifted up huge horse ;hip, nd pplied it ;ith gre t 9iolence to his b ck nd shoulders, on ;hich + s ; the impression ;ith my o;n eyes7 The pp rition ; s fter; rds seen by the sexton of the p rish, ho9ering bout the tomb ;here his body lies interred< s the m n decl red to se9er l persons in the 9ill ge, before he kne; ;h t h d h ppened to the gentlem n == - y, he ctu lly c me to me s justice of the pe ce, in order to m ke o th of these

p rticul rs, ;hich, ho;e9er, + declined dministering7 !s for the gr ndson of the defunct, he is sober, sensible, ;orldly minded fello;, too intent upon schemes of interest to gi9e in to re9eries7 He ;ould h 9e ;illingly conce led the ff ir< but he b ;led out in the first tr nsport of his fe r, nd, running into the house, exposed his b ck nd his sconce to the ;hole f mily< so th t there ; s no denying it in the se>uel7 +t is no; the common discourse of the country, th t this ppe r nce nd beh 9iour of the old m n's spirit, portends some gre t c l mity to the f mily, nd the good=;om n h s ctu lly t ken to her bed in this pprehension7' Though + did not pretend to expl in this mystery, + s id, + did not t ll doubt, but it ;ould one d y ppe r to be deception< nd, in ll prob bility, scheme executed by some enemy of the person ;ho h d sust ined the ss ult< but still the gentlem n insisted upon the cle rness of the e9idence, nd the concurrence of testimony, by ;hich t;o credit ble ;itnesses, ;ithout ny communic tion one ;ith nother, ffirmed the ppe r nce of the s me m n, ;ith ;hose person they ;ere both ;ell c>u inted == .rom *ruml nrig ;e pursued the course of the -id to *umfries, ;hich st nds se9en miles bo9e the pl ce ;here the ri9er f lls into the se < nd is, fter Gl sgo;, the h ndsomest to;n + h 9e seen in Scotl nd7 The inh bit nts, indeed, seem to h 9e proposed th t city s their model< not only in be utifying their to;n nd regul ting its police, but, lso in prosecuting their schemes of commerce nd m nuf cture, by ;hich they re gro;n rich nd opulent7 Ae re=entered Engl nd, by the ; y of C rlisle, ;here ;e ccident lly met ;ith our friend 3ism h go, ;hom ;e h d in 9 in in>uired fter t *umfries nd other pl ces == +t ;ould seem th t the c pt in, like the prophets of old, is but little honoured in his o;n country, ;hich he h s no; renounced for e9er == He g 9e me the follo;ing p rticul rs of his 9isit to his n ti9e soil == +n his ; y to the pl ce of his n ti9ity, he le rned th t his nephe; h d m rried the d ughter of burgeois, ;ho directed ;e 9ing m nuf cture, nd h d gone into p rtnership ;ith his f ther=in=l ;? ch grined ;ith this inform tion, he h d rri9ed t the g te in the t;ilight, ;here he he rd the sound of treddles in the gre t h ll, ;hich h d ex sper ted him to such degree, th t he h d like to h 9e lost his senses? ;hile he ; s thus tr nsported ;ith indign tion, his nephe; ch nced to come forth, ;hen, being no longer m ster of his p ssion, he cried, '*egener te r sc lG you h 9e m de my f ther's house den of thie9es<' nd t the s me time ch stised him ;ith his horse=;hip< then, riding round the djoining 9ill ge, he h d 9isited the burying=ground of his ncestors by moon=light< nd, h 9ing p id his respects to their m nes, tr 9elled ll night to nother p rt of the country == .inding the he d of the f mily in such disgr ceful situ tion, ll his o;n friends de d or remo9ed from the pl ces of their former residence, nd the expence of li9ing incre sed to double

of ;h t it h d been, ;hen he first left his n ti9e country, he h d bid it n etern l dieu, nd ; s determined to seek for repose mong the forests of !meric 7 + ; s no longer t loss to ccount for the pp rition, ;hich h d been described t *ruml nrig< nd ;hen + repe ted the story to the lieuten nt, he ; s much ple sed to think his resentment h d been so much more effectu l th n he intended< nd he o;ned, he might t such n hour, nd in such n e>uip ge, 9ery ;ell p ss for the ghost of his f ther, ;hom he ; s s id gre tly to resemble == 5et;een friends, + f ncy 3ism h go ;ill find retre t ;ithout going so f r s the ;ig; ms of the 0i mis7 0y sister T bby is m king continu l d9 nces to him, in the ; y of ffection< nd, if + m y trust to ppe r nces, the c pt in is disposed to t ke opportunity by the forelock7 .or my p rt, + intend to encour ge this correspondence, nd sh ll be gl d to see them united == +n th t c se, ;e sh ll find ; y to settle them comfort bly in our o;n neighbourhood7 +, nd my ser9 nts, ;ill get rid of 9ery troublesome nd tyr nnic gou9ern nte< nd + sh ll h 9e the benefit of 3ism h go's con9ers tion, ;ithout being obliged to t ke more of his comp ny th n + desire< for though n oll is high=fl 9oured dish, + could not be r to dine upon it e9ery d y of my life7 + m much ple sed ;ith 0 nchester, ;hich is one of the most gree ble nd flourishing to;ns in Gre t=5rit in< nd + percei9e th t this is the pl ce ;hich h th nim ted the spirit, nd suggested the chief m nuf ctures of Gl sgo;7 Ae propose to 9isit Ch ts;orth, the Pe k, nd 5uxton, from ;hich l st pl ce ;e sh ll proceed directly home; rds, though by e sy journies7 +f the se son h s been s f 9our ble in A les s in the -orth, your h r9est is h ppily finished< nd ;e h 9e nothing left to think of but our ,ctober, of ;hich let 5 rns be properly reminded7 2ou ;ill find me much better in flesh th n + ; s t our p rting< nd this short sep r tion h s gi9en ne; edge to those sentiments of friendship ;ith ;hich + l; ys h 9e been, nd e9er sh ll be, 2ours, 0!TT7 51!053E 0!-CHESTE1, Sept7 &L7

To 0rs GA+33+0, house=keeper t 5r mbleton=h ll7 01S GA233+0, +t h s ple sed Pro9idence to bring us s fe b ck to Engl nd, nd p rt ke us in m ny pe rls by l nd nd ; ter, in p rticul r the *e9il's H rse pike, nd Hoyden's Hole, ;hich h th got no bottom< nd, s ;e re dr ;ing huom; rds, it m y be proper to

uprise you, th t 5r mbleton=h ll m y be in condition to recei9e us, fter this long gurney to the isl nds of Scotl nd7 5y the first of next month you m y begin to m ke const nt fires in my brother's ch mber nd mine< nd burn f gget e9ery d y in the yello; d m sk room? h 9e the tester nd curt ins dusted, nd the fe therbed nd m trosses ;ell h ired, bec use, perh ps, ;ith the blissing of h 9en, they m y be yoosed on some occ sion7 3et the ould hogshe ds be ;ell ske;red nd se soned for be r, s 0 t is resol9ed to h 9e his seller cho k fool7 +f the house ; s mine, + ;ould turn o9er ne; le f == + don't see ;hy the s r9 nts of A les shouldn't drink f ir ; ter, nd e t hot c kes nd b rley c le, s they do in Scotl nd, ;ithout troubling the botcher bo9e once >u rter == + hope you keep ccunt of 1oger's purseeding in re9erence to the buttermilk7 + expect my de; ;hen + come huom, ;ithout b iting n ss, +'ll ssure you7 == !s you must h 9e l yed gre t m ny more eggs th n ;ould be e ten, + do suppose there is po;er of turks, chickings, nd guDDling bout the house< nd br 9e kergo of cheese re dy for m rket< nd th t the o;l h s been sent to Crickho;el, s 9ing ;h t the m ids spun in the f mily7 Pr y let the ;hole house nd furniture h 9e thorough cle ning from top to bottom, for the honour of A les< nd let 1oger se rch into, nd m ke gener l cle r nce of the slit holes, ;hich the m ids h 9e in secret< for + kno; they re much gi9en to sloth nd uncle nness7 + hope you h 9e ;orked reform tion mong them, s + exhorted you in my l st, nd set their he rts upon better things th n they c n find in junkitting nd c ter; uling ;ith the fello;s of the country7 !s for Ain @enkins, she h s undergone perfect met murphysis, nd is become ne; creeter from the mmunition of Humphry Clinker, our ne; footm n, pious young m n, ;ho h s l boured exceedingly, th t she m y bring forth fruits of repent nce7 + m ke no doubt but he ;ill t ke the s me p ins ;ith th t pert hussey 0 ry @ones, nd ll of you< nd th t he m y h 9e po;er gi9en to penetr te nd instill his goodness, e9en into your most in; rd p rts, is the fer9ent pr yer of 2our friend in the spirit, T!57 51!053E Septr7 &I7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 3EA+S, 3ism h go is more p r doxic l th n e9er7 == The l te gulp he h d of

his n ti9e ir, seems to h 9e blo;n fresh spirit into ll his polemic l f culties7 + congr tul ted him the other d y on the present flourishing st te of his country, obser9ing th t the Scots ;ere no; in f ir ; y to ;ipe off the n tion l repro ch of po9erty, nd expressing my s tisf ction t the h ppy effects of the union, so conspicuous in the impro9ement of their griculture, commerce, m nuf ctures, nd m nners == The lieuten nt, scre;ing up his fe tures into look of dissent nd disgust, commented on my rem rks to this effect == 'Those ;ho repro ch n tion for its po9erty, ;hen it is not o;ing to the proflig cy or 9ice of the people, deser9e no ns;er7 The 3 ced emoni ns ;ere poorer th n the Scots, ;hen they took the le d mong ll the free st tes of Greece, nd ;ere esteemed bo9e them ll for their 9 lour nd their 9irtue7 The most respect ble heroes of ncient 1ome, such s . bricius, Cincinn tus, nd 1egulus, ;ere poorer th n the poorest freeholder in Scotl nd< nd there re t this d y indi9idu ls in -orth=5rit in, one of ;hom c n produce more gold nd sil9er th n the ;hole republic of 1ome could r ise t those times ;hen her public 9irtue shone ;ith unri9 lled lustre< nd po9erty ; s so f r from being repro ch, th t it dded fresh l urels to her f me, bec use it indic ted noble contempt of ;e lth, ;hich ; s proof g inst ll the rts of corruption == +f po9erty be subject for repro ch, it follo;s th t ;e lth is the object of esteem nd 9ener tion == +n th t c se, there re @e;s nd others in !msterd m nd 3ondon, enriched by usury, pecul tion, nd different species of fr ud nd extortion, ;ho re more estim ble th n the most 9irtuous nd illustrious members of the community7 !n bsurdity ;hich no m n in his senses ;ill offer to m int in7 == 1iches re cert inly no proof of merit? n y they re often Eif not most commonlyF c>uired by persons of sordid minds nd me n t lents? nor do they gi9e ny intrinsic ;orth to the possessor< but, on the contr ry, tend to per9ert his underst nding, nd render his mor ls more depr 9ed7 5ut, gr nting th t po9erty ;ere re lly m tter of repro ch, it c nnot be justly imputed to Scotl nd7 -o country is poor th t c n supply its inh bit nts ;ith the necess ries of life, nd e9en fford rticles for export tion7 Scotl nd is rich in n tur l d9 nt ges? it produces e9ery species of pro9ision in bund nce, 9 st herds of c ttle nd flocks of sheep, ;ith gre t number of horses< prodigious >u ntities of ;ool nd fl x, ;ith plenty of copse ;ood, nd in some p rts l rge forests of timber7 The e rth is still more rich belo; th n bo9e the surf ce7 +t yields inexh ustible stores of co l, free=stone, m rble, le d, iron, copper, nd sil9er, ;ith some gold7 The se bounds ;ith excellent fish, nd s lt to cure them for export tion< nd there re creeks nd h rbours round the ;hole kingdom, for the con9enience nd security of n 9ig tion7 The f ce of the country displ ys surprising number of cities, to;ns, 9ill s, nd 9ill ges, s; rming ;ith people< nd there seems to be no ; nt of rt, industry, go9ernment, nd police? such kingdom c n ne9er be c lled poor, in ny sense of the ;ord, though there m y be

m ny others more po;erful nd opulent7 5ut the proper use of those d9 nt ges, nd the present prosperity of the Scots, you seem to deri9e from the union of the t;o kingdomsG' + s id, + supposed he ;ould not deny th t the ppe r nce of the country ; s much mended< th t the people li9ed better, h d more tr de, nd gre ter >u ntity of money circul ting since the union, th n before7 '+ m y s fely dmit these premises E ns;ered the lieuten ntF, ;ithout subscribing to your inference7 The difference you mention, + should t ke to be the n tur l progress of impro9ement == Since th t period, other n tions, such s the S;edes, the * nes, nd in p rticul r the .rench, h 9e gre tly incre sed in commerce, ;ithout ny such c use ssigned7 5efore the union, there ; s rem rk ble spirit of tr de mong the Scots, s ppe red in the c se of their * rien comp ny, in ;hich they h d emb rked no less th n four hundred thous nd pounds sterling< nd in the flourishing st te of the m ritime to;ns in .ife, nd on the e stern co st, enriched by their tr de ;ith .r nce, ;hich f iled in conse>uence of the union7 The only solid commerci l d9 nt ge re ped from th t me sure, ; s the pri9ilege of tr ding to the English pl nt tions< yet, excepting Gl sgo; nd *umfries, + don't kno; ny other Scotch to;ns concerned in th t tr ffick7 +n other respects, + concei9e the Scots ;ere losers by the union7 == They lost the independency of their st te, the gre test prop of n tion l spirit< they lost their p rli ment, nd their courts of justice ;ere subjected to the re9ision nd suprem cy of n English tribun l7' 'Softly, c pt in Ecried +F, you c nnot be s id to h 9e lost your o;n p rli ment, ;hile you re represented in th t of Gre t=5rit in7' 'True Es id he, ;ith s rc stic grinF, in deb tes of n tion l competition, the sixteen peers nd forty=fi9e commoners of Scotl nd, must m ke formid ble figure in the sc le, g inst the ;hole English legisl ture7' '5e th t s it m y E+ obser9edF ;hile + h d the honour to sit in the lo;er house, the Scotch members h d l; ys the m jority on their side7' '+ underst nd you, Sir Es id heF, they gener lly side ;ith the m jority< so much the ;orse for their constituents7 5ut e9en this e9il is not the ;orst they h 9e sust ined by the union7 Their tr de h s been s ddled ;ith grie9ous impositions, nd e9ery rticle of li9ing se9erely t xed, to p y the interest of enormous debts, contr cted by the English, in support of me sures nd connections in ;hich the Scots h d no interest nor concern7' + begged he ;ould t le st llo;, th t by the union the Scots ;ere dmitted to ll the pri9ileges nd immunities of English subjects< by ;hich me ns multitudes of them ;ere pro9ided for in the rmy nd n 9y, nd got fortunes in different p rts of Engl nd, nd its dominions7 '!ll these Es id heF become English subjects to ll intents nd purposes, nd re in gre t me sure lost to their mother=country7 The spirit of r mbling nd d9enture h s been l; ys peculi r to the n ti9es of Scotl nd7 +f they h d not met ;ith

encour gement in Engl nd, they ;ould h 9e ser9ed nd settled, s formerly, in other countries, such s 0usco9y, S;eden, *enm rk, Pol nd, Germ ny, .r nce, Piedmont, nd +t ly, in ll ;hich n tions their descend nts continue to flourish e9en t this d y7' 5y this time my p tience beg n to f il nd + excl imed, '.or God's s ke, ;h t h s Engl nd got by this union ;hich, you s y, h s been so producti9e of misfortune to the Scots7' ' Gre t nd m nifold re the d9 nt ges ;hich Engl nd deri9es from the union Es id 3ism h go, in solemn toneF7 .irst nd foremost, the settlement of the protest nt succession, point ;hich the English ministry dro9e ;ith such e gerness, th t no stone ; s left unturned, to c jole nd bribe fe; le ding men, to cr m the union do;n the thro ts of the Scottish n tion, ;ho ;ere surprisingly 9erse to the expedient7 They g ined by it consider ble ddition of territory, extending their dominion to the se on ll sides of the isl nd, thereby shutting up ll b ck=doors g inst the enterpriDes of their enemies7 They got n ccession of bo9e million of useful subjects, constituting ne9er=f iling nursery of se men, soldiers, l bourers, nd mech nics< most 9 lu ble c>uisition to tr ding country, exposed to foreign ; rs, nd obliged to m int in number of settlements in ll the four >u rters of the globe7 +n the course of se9en ye rs, during the l st ; r, Scotl nd furnished the English rmy nd n 9y ;ith se9enty thous nd men, o9er nd bo9e those ;ho migr ted to their colonies, or mingled ;ith them t home in the ci9il dep rtments of life7 This ; s 9ery consider ble nd se son ble supply to n tion, ;hose people h d been for m ny ye rs decre sing in number, nd ;hose l nds nd m nuf ctures ;ere ctu lly suffering for ; nt of h nds7 + need not remind you of the h ckneyed m xim, th t, to n tion in such circumst nces, supply of industrious people is supply of ;e lth< nor repe t n obser9 tion, ;hich is no; recei9ed s n etern l truth, e9en mong the English themsel9es, th t the Scots ;ho settle in South=5rit in re rem rk bly sober, orderly, nd industrious7' + llo;ed the truth of this rem rk, dding, th t by their industry, oeconomy, nd circumspection, m ny of them in Engl nd, s ;ell s in her colonies, m ssed l rge fortunes, ;ith ;hich they returned to their o;n country, nd this ; s so much lost to South=5rit in7 == 'Gi9e me le 9e, sir Es id heF, to ssure you, th t in your f ct you re mist ken, nd in your deduction erroneous7 -ot one in t;o hundred th t le 9e Scotl nd e9er returns to settle in his o;n country< nd the fe; th t do return, c rry thither nothing th t c n possibly diminish the stock of South=5rit in< for none of their tre sure st gn tes in Scotl nd == There is continu l circul tion, like th t of the blood in the hum n body, nd Engl nd is the he rt, to ;hich ll the stre ms ;hich it distributes re refunded nd returned? n y, in conse>uence of th t luxury ;hich our connexion ;ith Engl nd h th

gre tly encour ged, if not introduced, ll the produce of our l nds, nd ll the profits of our tr de, re engrossed by the n ti9es of South=5rit in< for you ;ill find th t the exch nge bet;een the t;o kingdoms is l; ys g inst Scotl nd< nd th t she ret ins neither gold nor sil9er sufficient for her o;n circul tion7 == The Scots, not content ;ith their o;n m nuf ctures nd produce, ;hich ;ould 9ery ;ell ns;er ll necess ry occ sions, seem to 9ie ;ith e ch other in purch sing superfluities from Engl nd< such s bro d=cloth, 9el9ets, stuffs, silks, l ce, furs, je;els, furniture of ll sorts, sug r, rum, te , chocol te nd coffee< in ;ord, not only e9ery mode of the most extr 9 g nt luxury, but e9en m ny rticles of con9enience, ;hich they might find s good, nd much che per in their o;n country7 .or ll these p rticul rs, + concei9e, Engl nd m y touch bout one million sterling =ye r7 == + don't pretend to m ke n ex ct c lcul tion< perh ps, it m y be something less, nd perh ps, gre t de l more7 The nnu l re9enue rising from ll the pri9 te est tes of Scotl nd c nnot f ll short of million sterling< nd, + should im gine, their tr de ;ill mount to s much more7 == + kno; the linen m nuf cture lone returns ne r h lf million, exclusi9e of the home=consumption of th t rticle7 == +f, therefore, -orth=5rit in p ys b ll nce of million nnu lly to Engl nd, + insist upon it, th t country is more 9 lu ble to her in the ; y of commerce, th n ny colony in her possession, o9er nd bo9e the other d9 nt ges ;hich + h 9e specified? therefore, they re no friends, either to Engl nd or to truth, ;ho ffect to depreci te the northern p rt of the united kingdom7' + must o;n, + ; s t first little nettled to find myself schooled in so m ny p rticul rs7 == Though + did not recei9e ll his ssertions s gospel, + ; s not prep red to refute them< nd + c nnot help no; c>uiescing in his rem rks so f r s to think, th t the contempt for Scotl nd, ;hich pre9 ils too much on this side the T;eed, is founded on prejudice nd error7 == !fter some recollection, 'Aell, c pt in Es id +F, you h 9e rgued stoutly for the import nce of your o;n country? for my p rt, + h 9e such reg rd for our fello;=subjects of -orth=5rit in, th t + sh ll be gl d to see the d y, ;hen your pe s nts c n fford to gi9e ll their o ts to their c ttle, hogs, nd poultry, nd indulge themsel9es ;ith good ;he ten lo 9es, inste d of such poor, unp l t ble, nd infl mm tory diet7' Here g in + brought my self into premunire ;ith the disput ti9e C ledoni n7 He s id he hoped he should ne9er see the common people lifted out of th t sphere for ;hich they ;ere intended by n ture nd the course of things< th t they might h 9e some re son to compl in of their bre d, if it ;ere mixed, like th t of -or; y, ;ith s ; dust nd fish=bones< but th t o tme l ; s, he pprehended, s nourishing nd s lut ry s ;he t=flour, nd the Scots in gener l thought it t le st s s 9oury7 == He ffirmed, th t mouse, ;hich, in the rticle of self=preser9 tion, might be supposed to ct from

inf llible instinct, ;ould l; ys prefer o ts to ;he t, s ppe red from experience< for, in pl ce ;here there ; s p rcel of e ch, th t nim l h s ne9er begun to feed upon the l tter till ll the o ts ;ere consumed? for their nutriti9e >u lity, he ppe led to the h le, robust constitutions of the people ;ho li9ed chiefly upon o tme l< nd, inste d of being infl mm tory, he sserted, th t it ; s cooling sub= cid, b ls mic nd mucil ginous< insomuch, th t in ll infl mm tory distempers, recourse ; s h d to ; ter=gruel, nd flummery m de of o tme l7 '!t le st Es id +F, gi9e me le 9e to ;ish them such degree of commerce s m y en ble them to follo; their o;n inclin tions7' == 'He 9en forbidG Ecried this philosopherF7 Aoe be to th t n tion, ;here the multitude is t liberty to follo; their o;n inclin tionsG Commerce is undoubtedly blessing, ;hile restr ined ;ithin its proper ch nnels< but glut of ;e lth brings long ;ith it glut of e9ils? it brings f lse t ste, f lse ppetite, f lse ; nts, profusion, 9en lity, contempt of order, engendering spirit of licentiousness, insolence, nd f ction, th t keeps the community in continu l ferment, nd in time destroys ll the distinctions of ci9il society< so th t uni9ers l n rchy nd upro r must ensue7 Aill ny sensible m n ffirm, th t the n tion l d9 nt ges of opulence re to be sought on these termsC' '-o, sure< but + m one of those ;ho think, th t, by proper regul tions, commerce m y produce e9ery n tion l benefit, ;ithout the ll y of such concomit nt e9ils7' So much for the dogm t of my friend 3ism h go, ;hom + describe the more circumst nti lly, s + firmly belie9e he ;ill set up his rest in 0onmouthshire7 2esterd y, ;hile + ; s lone ;ith him he sked, in some confusion, if + should h 9e ny objection to the success of gentlem n nd soldier, pro9ided he should be so fortun te s to eng ge my sister's ffection7 + ns;ered ;ithout hesit tion, th t my sister ; s old enough to judge for herself< nd th t + should be 9ery f r from dis ppro9ing ny resolution she might t ke in his f 9our7 == His eyes sp rkled t this decl r tion7 He decl red, he should think himself the h ppiest m n on e rth to be connected ;ith my f mily< nd th t he should ne9er be ;e ry of gi9ing me proofs of his gr titude nd tt chment7 + suppose T bby nd he re lre dy greed< in ;hich c se, ;e sh ll h 9e ;edding t 5r mbleton=h ll, nd you sh ll gi9e ; y the bride7 == +t is the le st thing you c n do, by ; y of tonement for your former cruelty to th t poor lo9e=sick m iden, ;ho h s been so long thorn in the side of 2ours, 0!TT7 51!053E Sept7 "#7

Ae h 9e been t 5uxton< but, s + did not much relish either the comp ny or the ccommod tions, nd h d no occ sion for the ; ter, ;e st yed but t;o nights in the pl ce7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 A!T, !d9entures begin to thicken s ;e d9 nce to the south; rd7 3ism h go h s no; professed himself the dmirer of our unt, nd c rries on his ddresses under the s nction of her brother's pprob tion< so th t ;e sh ll cert inly h 9e ;edding by Christm s7 + should be gl d you ; s present t the nupti ls, to help me thro; the stocking, nd perform other ceremonies peculi r to th t occ sion7 == + m sure it ;ill be producti9e of some di9ersion< nd, truly, it ;ould be ;orth your ;hile to come cross the country on purpose to see t;o such origin l figures in bed together, ;ith their l ced night c ps< he, the emblem of good cheer, nd she, the picture of good n ture7 !ll this gree ble prospect ; s clouded, nd h d ;ell nigh 9 nished entirely, in conse>uence of l te misunderst nding bet;een the future brothers=in=l ;, ;hich, ho;e9er, is no; h ppily remo9ed7 ! fe; d ys go, my uncle nd +, going to 9isit rel tion, met ;ith lord ,xmington t his house, ;ho sked us to dine ;ith him, next d y, nd ;e ccepted the in9it tion7 == !ccordingly, le 9ing our ;omen under the c re of c pt in 3ism h go, t the inn ;here ;e h d lodged the preceding night, in little to;n, bout mile from his lordship's d;elling, ;e ;ent t the hour ppointed, nd h d f shion ble me l ser9ed up ;ith much ostent tion to comp ny of bout doDen persons, none of ;hom he h d e9er seen before7 == His lordship is much more rem rk ble for his pride nd c price, th n for his hospit lity nd underst nding< nd, indeed, it ppe red, th t he considered his guests merely s objects to shine upon, so s to reflect the lustre of his o;n m gnificence == There ; s much st te, but no courtesy< nd gre t de l of compliment ;ithout ny con9ers tion7 == 5efore the desert ; s remo9ed, our noble entert iner proposed three gener l to sts< then c lling for gl ss of ;ine, nd bo;ing ll round, ;ished us good fternoon7 This ; s the sign l for the comp ny to bre k up, nd they obeyed it immedi tely, ll except our 's>uire ;ho ; s gre tly shocked t the m nner of this dismission == He ch nged counten nce, bit his lip in silence, but still kept his se t, so th t his lordship found himself obliged to gi9e us nother hint, by s ying, he should be gl d to see us nother time7 'There is no time like the present Ecried 0r 5r mbleF< your lordship h s not yet dr nk bumper to the best in Christendom7' '+'ll drink no more bumpers to=d y E ns;ered our l ndlordF< nd + m sorry to

see you h 9e dr nk too m ny7 == ,rder the gentlem n's c rri ge to the g te7' == So s ying, he rose nd retired bruptly< our 's>uire st rting up t the s me time, l ying his h nd upon his s;ord, nd eyeing him ;ith most ferocious spect7 The m ster h 9ing 9 nished in this m nner, our uncle b d one of the ser9 nts to see ;h t ; s to p y< nd the fello; ns;ering, 'This is no inn,' '+ cry you mercy Ecried the otherF, + percei9e it is not< if it ;ere, the l ndlord ;ould be more ci9il7 There's guine , ho;e9er< t ke it, nd tell your lord, th t + sh ll riot le 9e the country till + h 9e h d the opportunity to th nk him in person for his politeness nd hospit lity7' Ae then ; lked do;n st irs through double r nge of l c>ueys, nd getting into the ch ise, proceeded home; rds7 Percei9ing the 's>uire much ruffled, + 9entured to dis ppro9e of his resentment, obser9ing, th t s lord ,xmington ; s ;ell kno;n to h 9e his br in 9ery ill timbered, sensible m n should r ther l ugh, th n be ngry t his ridiculous ; nt of breeding7 == 0r 5r mble took umbr ge t my presuming to be ;iser th n he upon this occ sion< nd told me, th t s he h d l; ys thought for himself in e9ery occurrence in life, he ;ould still use the s me pri9ilege, ;ith my good le 9e7 Ahen ;e returned to our inn, he closeted 3ism h go< nd h 9ing expl ined his grie9 nce, desired th t gentlem n to go nd dem nd s tisf ction of lord ,xmington in his n me7 == The lieuten nt ch rged himself ;ith this commission, nd immedi tely set out horseb ck for his lordship's house, ttended, t his o;n re>uest, by my m n !rchy 0 c lpine, ;ho h d been used to milit ry ser9ice< nd truly, if 0 c lpine h d been mounted upon n ss, this couple might h 9e p ssed for the knight of 3 0 nch nd his 's>uire P nD 7 +t ; s not till fter some demur th t 3ism h go obt ined pri9 te udience, t ;hich he form lly defied his lordship to single comb t, in the n me of 0r 5r mble, nd desired him to ppoint the time nd pl ce7 3ord ,xmington ; s so confounded t this unexpected mess ge, th t he could not, for some time, m ke ny rticul te reply< but stood st ring t the lieuten nt ;ith m nifest m rks of perturb tion7 !t length, ringing bell ;ith gre t 9ehemence, he excl imed, 'Ah tG commoner send ch llenge to peer of the re lmG == Pri9ilegeG pri9ilegeG == Here's person brings me ch llenge from the Aelshm n th t dined t my t ble == !n impudent fello;7 == 0y ;ine is not yet out of his he d7' The ;hole house ; s immedi tely in commotion7 == 0 c lpine m de soldierly retre t ;ith t;o horses< but the c pt in ; s suddenly surrounded nd dis rmed by the footmen, ;hom .rench 9 let de ch mbre he ded in this exploit< his s;ord ; s p ssed through close=stool, nd his person through the horse=pond7 +n this plight he returned to the inn, h lf m d ;ith his disgr ce7 So 9iolent ; s the r ge of his indign tion, th t he mistook its object7 == He ; nted to >u rrel ;ith 0r 5r mble< he s id, he h d

been dishonoured on his ccount, nd he looked for rep r tion t his h nds7 == 0y uncle's b ck ; s up in moment< nd he desired him to expl in his pretensions7 == 'Either compel lord ,xmington to gi9e me s tisf ction Ecried heF, or gi9e it me in your o;n person7' 'The l tter p rt of the ltern ti9e is the most e sy nd expeditious Ereplied the 's>uire, st rting upF? if you re disposed for ; lk, +'ll ttend you this moment7' Here they ;ere interrupted by 0rs T bby, ;ho h d o9erhe rd ll th t p ssed7 == She no; burst into the room, nd running bet;ixt them, in gre t git tion, '+s this your reg rd for me Es id she to the lieuten ntF, to seek the life of my brotherC' 3ism h go, ;ho seemed to gro; cool s my uncle gre; hot, ssured her he h d 9ery gre t respect for 0r 5r mble, but he h d still more for his o;n honour, ;hich h d suffered pollution< but if th t could be once purified, he should h 9e no further c use of diss tisf ction7 The 's>uire s id, he should h 9e thought it incumbent upon him to 9indic te the lieuten nt's honour< but, s he h d no; c r9ed for himself, he might s; llo; nd digest it s ;ell s he could == +n ;ord, ;h t bet;ixt the medi tion of 0rs T bith , the recollection of the c pt in, ;ho percei9ed he h d gone too f r, nd the remonstr nces of your humble ser9 nt, ;ho joined them t this juncture, those t;o origin ls ;ere perfectly reconciled< nd then ;e proceeded to deliber te upon the me ns of t king 9enge nce for the insults they h d recei9ed from the petul nt peer< for, until th t im should be ccomplished, 0r 5r mble s;ore, ;ith gre t emph sis, th t he ;ould not le 9e the inn ;here ;e no; lodged, e9en if he should p ss his Christm s on the spot7 +n conse>uence of our deliber tions, ;e next d y, in the forenoon, proceeded in body to his lordship's house, ll of us, ;ith our ser9 nts, including the co chm n, mounted =horseb ck, ;ith our pistols lo ded nd re dy primed7 == Thus prep red for ction, ;e p r ded solemnly nd slo;ly before his lordship's g te, ;hich ;e p ssed three times in such m nner, th t he could not but see us, nd suspect the c use of our ppe r nce7 == !fter dinner ;e returned, nd performed the s me c 9 lc de, ;hich ; s g in repe ted the morning follo;ing< but ;e h d no occ sion to persist in these m noeu9res7 !bout noon, ;e ;ere 9isited by the gentlem n, t ;hose house ;e h d first seen lord ,xmington7 == He no; c me to m ke pologies in the n me of his lordship, ;ho decl red he h d no intention to gi9e offence to my uncle, in pr ctising ;h t h d been l; ys the custom of his house< nd th t s for the indignities ;hich h d been put upon the officer, they ;ere offered ;ithout his 3ordship's kno;ledge, t the instig tion of his 9 let de ch mbre7 == '+f th t be the c se Es id my uncle, in peremptory toneF, + sh ll be contented ;ith lord ,xmington's person l excuses< nd + hope my friend ;ill be s tisfied ;ith his lordship's turning th t insolent r sc l out of his ser9ice7' == 'Sir Ecried 3ism h goF, + must insist upon t king person l

9enge nce for the person l injuries + h 9e sust ined7' !fter some deb te, the ff ir ; s djusted in this m nner7 == His lordship, meeting us t our friend's house, decl red he ; s sorry for ;h t h d h ppened< nd th t he h d no intention to gi9e umbr ge7 == The 9 let de ch mbre sked p rdon of the lieuten nt upon his knees, ;hen 3ism h go, to the stonishment of ll present, g 9e him 9iolent kick on the f ce, ;hich l id him on his b ck, excl iming in furious tone, ',ui je te p rdonne, gens foutre7' Such ; s the fortun te issue of this perilous d9enture, ;hich thre tened bund nce of 9ex tion to our f mily< for the 's>uire is one of those ;ho ;ill s crifice both life nd fortune, r ther th n le 9e ;h t they concei9e to be the le st speck or blemish upon their honour nd reput tion7 His lordship h d no sooner pronounced his pology, ;ith 9ery b d gr ce, th n he ;ent ; y in some disorder, nd, + d re s y, he ;ill ne9er in9ite nother Aelchm n to his t ble7 Ae forth;ith >uitted the field of this tchie9ement, in order to prosecute our journey< but ;e follo; no determin te course7 Ae m ke sm ll de9i tions, to see the rem rk ble to;ns, 9ill s, nd curiosities on e ch side of our route< so th t ;e d9 nce by slo; steps to; rds the borders of 0onmouthshire? but in the midst of these irregul r motions, there is no bberr tion nor eccentricity in th t ffection ;ith ;hich + m, de r A t, 2ours l; ys, @7 0E3.,1* Sept7 "I7

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *+C4, !t ;h t time of life m y m n think himself exempted from the necessity of s crificing his repose to the punctilios of contemptible ;orldC + h 9e been eng ged in ridiculous d9enture, ;hich + sh ll recount t meeting< nd this, + hope, ;ill not be much longer del yed, s ;e h 9e no; performed lmost ll our 9isits, nd seen e9ery thing th t + think h s ny right to ret rd us in our journey home; rds == ! fe; d ys go, underst nding by ccident, th t my old friend 5 yn rd ; s in the country, + ;ould not p ss so ne r his h bit tion ;ithout p ying him 9isit, though our correspondence h d been interrupted for long course of ye rs7

+ felt my self 9ery sensibly ffected by the ide of our p st intim cy, s ;e ppro ched the pl ce ;here ;e h d spent so m ny h ppy d ys together< but ;hen ;e rri9ed t the house, + could not recogniDe ny one of those objects, ;hich h d been so deeply impressed upon my remembr nce == The t ll o ks th t sh ded the 9enue, h d been cut do;n, nd the iron g tes t the end of it remo9ed, together ;ith the high ; ll th t surrounded the court y rd7 The house itself, ;hich ; s formerly con9ent of Cisterci n monks, h d 9ener ble ppe r nce? nd long the front th t looked into the g rden, ; s stone g llery, ;hich fforded me m ny n gree ble ; lk, ;hen + ; s disposed to be contempl ti9e7 -o; the old front is co9ered ;ith screen of modern rchitecture< so th t ll ;ithout is Greci n, nd ll ;ithin Gothic7 !s for the g rden, ;hich ; s ;ell stocked ;ith the best fruit ;hich Engl nd could produce, there is not no; the le st 9est ge rem ining of trees, ; lls, or hedges == -othing ppe rs but n ked circus of loose s nd, ;ith dry b son nd le den triton in the middle7 2ou must kno;, th t 5 yn rd, t his f ther's de th, h d cle r est te of fifteen hundred pounds =ye r, nd ; s in other respects extremely ;ell >u lified to m ke respect ble figure in the common;e lth< but, ;h t ;ith some excesses of youth, nd the expence of contested election, he in fe; ye rs found himself encumbered ;ith debt of ten thous nd pounds, ;hich he resol9ed to disch rge by me ns of prudent m rri ge7 He ccordingly m rried miss Thomson, ;hose fortune mounted to double the sum th t he o;ed == She ; s the d ughter of citiDen, ;ho h d f iled in tr de< but her fortune c me by n uncle, ;ho died in the E st=+ndies == Her o;n p rents being de d, she li9ed ;ith m iden unt, ;ho h d superintended her educ tion< nd, in ll ppe r nce, ; s ;ell enough >u lified for the usu l purposes of the m rried st te == Her 9irtues, ho;e9er, stood r ther upon neg ti9e, th n positi9e found tion == She ; s neither proud, insolent, nor c pricious, nor gi9en to sc nd l, nor ddicted to g ming, nor inclined to g ll ntry7 She could re d, nd ;rite, nd d nce, nd sing, nd pl y upon the h rpsichord, nd sm tter .rench, nd t ke h nd t ;hist nd ombre< but e9en these ccomplishments she possessed by h l9es == She excelled in nothing7 Her con9ers tion ; s fl t, her stile me n, nd her expression emb rr ssed == +n ;ord, her ch r cter ; s tot lly insipid7 Her person ; s not dis gree ble< but there ; s nothing gr ceful in her ddress, nor eng ging in her m nners< nd she ; s so ill >u lified to do the honours of the house, th t ;hen she s t t the he d of the t ble, one ; s l; ys looking for the mistress of the f mily in some other pl ce7 5 yn rd h d fl ttered himself, th t it ;ould be no difficult m tter to mould such subject fter his o;n f shion, nd th t she ;ould che rfully enter into his 9ie;s, ;hich ;ere ;holly turned to domestic h ppiness7 He proposed to reside l; ys in the

country, of ;hich he ; s fond to degree of enthusi sm< to culti9 te his est te, ;hich ; s 9ery impro9 ble< to enjoy the exercise of rur l di9ersions< to m int in n intim cy of correspondence ;ith some friends th t ;ere settled in his neighbourhood< to keep comfort ble house, ;ithout suffering his expence to exceed the limits of his income< nd to find ple sure nd employ merit for his ;ife in the m n gement nd 9oc tions of her o;n f mily == This, ho;e9er, ; s 9ision ry scheme, ;hich he ne9er ; s ble to re liDe7 His ;ife ; s s ignor nt s ne;=born b be of e9erything th t rel ted to the conduct of f mily< nd she h d no ide of country=life7 Her underst nding did not re ch so f r s to comprehend the first principles of discretion< nd, indeed, if her c p city h d been better th n it ; s, her n tur l indolence ;ould not h 9e permitted her to b ndon cert in routine, to ;hich she h d been h bitu ted7 She h d not t ste enough to relish ny r tion l enjoyment< but her ruling p ssion ; s 9 nity, not th t species ;hich rises from self=conceit of superior ccomplishments, but th t ;hich is of b st rd nd idiot n ture, excited by she; nd ostent tion, ;hich implies not e9en the le st consciousness of ny person l merit7 The nupti l pe l of noise nd nonsense being rung out in ll the usu l ch nges, 0r 5 yn rd thought it high time to m ke her c>u inted ;ith the p rticul rs of the pl n ;hich he h d projected == He told her th t his fortune, though sufficient to fford ll the comforts of life, ; s not mple enough to comm nd ll the superfluities of pomp nd p ge ntry, ;hich, indeed, ;ere e>u lly bsurd nd intoler ble == He therefore hoped she ;ould h 9e no objection to their le 9ing 3ondon in the spring, ;hen he ;ould t ke the opportunity to dismiss some unnecess ry domestics, ;hom he h d hired for the occ sion of their m rri ge == She he rd him in silence, nd fter some p use, 'So Es id sheF + m to be buried in the countryG' He ; s so confounded t this reply, th t he could not spe k for some minutes? t length he told her, he ; s much mortified to find he h d proposed nything th t ; s dis gree ble to her ide s == '+ m sure E dded heF + me nt nothing more th n to l y do;n comfort ble pl n of li9ing ;ithin the bounds of our fortune, ;hich is but moder te7' 'Sir Es id sheF, you re the best judge of your o;n ff irs == 0y fortune, + kno;, does not exceed t;enty thous nd pounds == 2et, e9en ;ith th t pitt nce, + might h 9e h d husb nd ;ho ;ould not h 9e begrudged me house in 3ondon' == 'Good GodG my de r Ecried poor 5 yn rd, in the utmost git tionF, you don't think me so sordid == + only hinted ;h t + thought == 5ut, + don't pretend to impose ==' '2es, sir Eresumed the l dyF, it is your prerog ti9e to comm nd, nd my duty to obey' So s ying, she burst into te rs nd retired to her ch mber, ;here she ; s joined by her unt == He ende 9oured to recollect himself, nd ct ;ith 9igour of mind on this occ sion< but ; s betr yed by the tenderness of his n ture, ;hich ; s the gre test defect of his constitution7 He found the unt in te rs, nd the niece in fit, ;hich held her the best p rt of eight

hours, t the expir tion of ;hich, she beg n to t lk incoherently bout de th nd her de r husb nd, ;ho h d s t by her ll this time, nd no; pressed her h nd to his lips, in tr nsport of grief nd penitence for the offence he h d gi9en == .rom thence for; rd, he c refully 9oided mentioning the country< nd they continued to be sucked deeper nd deeper into the 9ortex of extr 9 g nce nd dissip tion, le ding ;h t is c lled f shion ble life in to;n == !bout the l tter end of @uly, ho;e9er, 0rs 5 yn rd, in order to exhibit proof of conjug l obedience, desired of her o;n ccord, th t they might p y 9isit to his country house, s there ; s no comp ny left in 3ondon7 He ;ould h 9e excused himself from this excursion ;hich ; s no p rt of the oeconomic l pl n he h d proposed< but she insisted upon m king this s crifice to his t ste nd prejudices, nd ; y they ;ent ;ith such n e>uip ge s stonished the ;hole country7 !ll th t rem ined of the se son ; s engrossed by recei9ing nd returning 9isits in the neighbourhood< nd, in this intercourse it ; s disco9ered th t sir @ohn Chick;ell h d house=ste; rd nd one footm n in li9ery more th n the complement of 0r 5 yn rd's household7 This rem rk ; s m de by the unt t t ble, nd ssented to by the husb nd, ;ho obser9ed th t sir @ohn Chick;ell might 9ery ;ell fford to keep more ser9 nts th n ;ere found in the f mily of m n ;ho h d not h lf his fortune7 0rs 5 yn rd te no supper th t e9ening< but ; s seiDed ;ith 9iolent fit, ;hich completed her triumph o9er the spirit of her consort7 The t;o supernumer ry ser9 nts ;ere dded == The f mily pl te ; s sold for old sil9er, nd ne; ser9ice procured< f shion ble furniture ; s pro9ided, nd the ;hole house turned topsy tur9y7 !t their return to 3ondon in the beginning of ;inter, he, ;ith he 9y he rt, communic ted these p rticul rs to me in confidence7 5efore his m rri ge, he h d introduced me to the l dy s his p rticul r friend< nd + no; offered in th t ch r cter, to l y before her the necessity of reforming her oeconomy, if she h d ny reg rd to the interest of her o;n f mily, or compl is nce for the inclin tions of her husb nd == 5ut 5 yn rd declined my offer, on the supposition th t his ;ife's ner9es ;ere too delic te to be r expostul tion< nd th t it ;ould only ser9e to o9er;helm her ;ith such distress s ;ould m ke himself miser ble7 5 yn rd is m n of spirit, nd h d she pro9ed term g nt, he ;ould h 9e kno;n ho; to de l ;ith her< but, either by ccident or instinct, she f stened upon the ;e k side of his soul, nd held it so f st, th t he h s been in subjection e9er since == + fter; rds d9ised him to c rry her bro d to .r nce or +t ly, ;here he might gr tify her 9 nity for h lf the expence it cost him in Engl nd? nd this d9ice he follo;ed ccordingly7 She ; s gree bly fl ttered ;ith the ide of seeing nd kno;ing foreign p rts, nd foreign f shions< of being presented to so9ereigns, nd li9ing f mili rly ;ith princes7 She forth;ith seiDed the hint ;hich + h d thro;n

out on purpose, nd e9en pressed 0r 5 yn rd to h sten his dep rture< so th t in fe; ;eeks they crossed the se to .r nce, ;ith moder te tr in, still including the unt< ;ho ; s her bosom counsellor, nd betted her in ll her oppositions to her husb nd's ;ill== Since th t period, + h 9e h d little or no opportunity to rene; our former correspondence == !ll th t + kne; of his tr ns ctions, mounted to no more th n th t fter n bsence of t;o ye rs, they returned so little impro9ed in oeconomy, th t they l unched out into ne; oce ns of extr 9 g nce, ;hich t length obliged him to mortg ge his est te == 5y this time she h d bore him three children, of ;hich the l st only sur9i9es, puny boy of t;el9e or thirteen, ;ho ;ill be ruined in his educ tion by the indulgence of his mother7 !s for 5 yn rd, neither his o;n good sense, nor the dre d of indigence, nor the consider tion of his children, h s been of force sufficient to stimul te him into the resolution of bre king t once the sh meful spell by ;hich he seems ench nted == Aith t ste c p ble of the most refined enjoyment, he rt glo;ing ;ith ll the ; rmth of friendship nd hum nity, nd disposition strongly turned to the more r tion l ple sures of retired nd country life, he is hurried bout in perpetu l tumult, midst mob of beings ple sed ;ith r ttles, b ubles, nd ge;g ;s, so 9oid of sense nd distinction, th t e9en the most cute philosopher ;ould find it 9ery h rd t sk to disco9er for ;h t ;ise purpose of pro9idence they ;ere cre ted == .riendship is not to be found< nor c n the musements for ;hich he sighs be enjoyed ;ithin the rot tion of bsurdity, to ;hich he is doomed for life7 He h s long resigned ll 9ie;s of impro9ing his fortune by m n gement nd ttention to the exercise of husb ndry, in ;hich he delighted< nd s to domestic h ppiness, not the le st glimpse of hope rem ins to muse his im gin tion7 Thus bl sted in ll his prospects, he could not f il to be o9er;helmed ;ith mel ncholy nd ch grin, ;hich h 9e preyed upon his he lth nd spirits in such m nner, th t he is no; thre tened ;ith consumption7 + h 9e gi9en you sketch of the m n, ;hom the other d y + ;ent to 9isit == !t the g te ;e found gre t number of po;dered l c>uies, but no ci9ility == !fter ;e h d s t consider ble time in the co ch, ;e ;ere told, th t 0r 5 yn rd h d rode out, nd th t his l dy ; s dressing< but ;e ;ere introduced to p rlour, so 9ery fine nd delic te, th t in ll ppe r nce it ; s designed to be seen only, not inh bited7 The ch irs nd couches ;ere c r9ed, gilt, nd co9ered ;ith rich d m sk, so smooth nd slick, th t they looked s if they h d ne9er been s t upon7 There ; s no c rpet upon the floor, but the bo rds ;ere rubbed nd ; xed in such m nner, th t ;e could not ; lk, but ;ere obliged to slide long them< nd s for the sto9e, it ; s too bright nd polished to be polluted ;ith se =co l, or st ined by the smoke of ny gross m teri l fire == Ahen ;e h d rem ined bo9e h lf n hour s crificing to the inhospit ble po;ers in the temple of cold

reception, my friend 5 yn rd rri9ed, nd underst nding ;e ;ere in the house, m de his ppe r nce, so me gre, yello;, nd dejected, th t + re lly should not h 9e kno;n him, h d + met ;ith him in ny other pl ce7 1unning up to me, ;ith gre t e gerness, he str ined me in his embr ce, nd his he rt ; s so full, th t for some minutes he could not spe k7 H 9ing s luted us ll round, he percei9ed our uncomfort ble situ tion, nd conducting us into nother p rtment, ;hich h d fire in the chimney, c lled for chocol te == Then, ;ithdr ;ing, he returned ;ith compliment from his ;ife, nd, in the me n time, presented his son H rry, sh mbling, ble r=eyed boy, in the h bit of huss r< 9ery rude, for; rd, nd impertinent7 His f ther ;ould h 9e sent him to bo rding=school, but his m mm nd unt ;ould not he r of his lying out of the house< so th t there ; s clergym n eng ged s his tutor in the f mily7 !s it ; s but just turned of t;el9e, nd the ;hole house ; s in commotion to prep re form l entert inment, + fores ; it ;ould be l te before ;e dined, nd proposed ; lk to 0r 5 yn rd, th t ;e might con9erse together freely7 +n the course of this per mbul tion, ;hen + expressed some surpriDe th t he h d returned so soon from +t ly, he g 9e me to underst nd, th t his going bro d h d not t ll ns;ered the purpose, for ;hich he left Engl nd< th t lthough the expence of li9ing ; s not so gre t in +t ly s t home, respect being h d to the s me r nk of life in both countries, it h d been found necess ry for him to lift himself bo9e his usu l stile, th t he might be on some footing ;ith the counts, m r>uises, nd c 9 liers, ;ith ;hom he kept comp ny == He ; s obliged to hire gre t number of ser9 nts, to t ke off gre t 9 riety of rich clo ths, nd to keep sumptuous t ble for the f shion ble scorocconi of the country< ;ho, ;ithout consider tion of this kind, ;ould not h 9e p yed ny ttention to n untitled foreigner, let his f mily or fortune be e9er so respect ble == 5esides, 0rs 5 yn rd ; s continu lly surrounded by tr in of expensi9e loungers, under the denomin tions of l ngu ge=m sters, musici ns, p inters, nd ciceroni< nd h d ctu lly f llen into the dise se of buying pictures nd nti>ues upon her o;n judgment, ;hich ; s f r from being inf llible == !t length she met ;ith n ffront, ;hich g 9e her disgust to +t ly, nd dro9e her b ck to Engl nd ;ith some precipit tion7 5y me ns of fre>uenting the dutchess of 5$edford('s con9ers Dione, ;hile her gr ce ; s t 1ome, 0rs 5 yn rd bec me c>u inted ;ith ll the f shion ble people of th t city, nd ; s dmitted to their ssemblies ;ithout scruple == Thus f 9oured, she concei9ed too gre t n ide of her o;n import nce, nd ;hen the dutchess left 1ome, resol9ed to h 9e con9ers Dione th t should le 9e the 1om ns no room to regret her gr ce's dep rture7 She pro9ided h nds for music l entert inment, nd sent biglietti of in9it tion to e9ery person of distinction< but not one 1om n of the fem le sex ppe red t her ssembly == She ; s th t night seiDed ;ith 9iolent fit, nd kept her bed three

d ys, t the expir tion of ;hich she decl red th t the ir of +t ly ;ould be the ruin of her constitution7 +n order to pre9ent this c t strophe, she ; s speedily remo9ed to Gene9 , from ;hence they returned to Engl nd by the ; y of 3yons nd P ris7 5y the time they rri9ed t C l is, she h d purch sed such >u ntity of silks, stuffs, nd l ces, th t it ; s necess ry to hire 9essel to smuggle them o9er, nd this 9essel ; s t ken by custom=house cutter< so th t they lost the ;hole c rgo, ;hich h d cost them bo9e eight hundred pounds7 +t no; ppe rs, th t her tr 9els h d produced no effect upon her, but th t of m king her more expensi9e nd f nt stic th n e9er? She ffected to le d the f shion, not only in point of fem le dress, but in e9ery rticle of t ste nd connoisseurship7 She m de dr ;ing of the ne; f c de to the house in the country< she pulled up the trees, nd pulled do;n the ; lls of the g rden, so s to let in the e sterly ;ind, ;hich 0r 5 yn rd's ncestors h d been t gre t p ins to exclude7 To she; her t ste in l ying out ground, she seiDed into her o;n h nd f rm of t;o hundred cres, bout mile from the house, ;hich she p rcelled out into ; lks nd shrubberies, h 9ing gre t b son in the middle, into ;hich she poured ;hole stre m th t turned t;o mills, nd fforded the best trout in the country7 The bottom of the b son, ho;e9er, ; s so ill secured, th t it ;ould not hold the ; ter ;hich str ined through the e rth, nd m de bog of the ;hole pl nt tion? in ;ord, the ground ;hich formerly p yed him one hundred nd fifty pounds ye r, no; cost him t;o hundred pounds ye r to keep it in toler ble order, o9er nd bo9e the first expence of trees, shrubs, flo;ers, turf, nd gr 9el7 There ; s not n inch of g rden ground left bout the house, nor tree th t produced fruit of ny kind< nor did he r ise truss of h y, or bushel of o ts for his horses, nor h d he single co; to fford milk for his te < f r less did he e9er dre m of feeding his o;n mutton, pigs, nd poultry? e9ery rticle of housekeeping, e9en the most inconsider ble, ; s brought from the next m rket to;n, t the dist nce of fi9e miles, nd thither they sent courier e9ery morning to fetch hot rolls for bre kf st7 +n short, 5 yn rd f irly o;ned th t he spent double his income, nd th t in fe; ye rs he should be obliged to sell his est te for the p yment of his creditors7 He s id th t his ;ife h d such delic te ner9es, nd such imbecility of spirit, th t she could neither be r remonstr nce, be it e9er so gentle, nor pr ctise ny scheme of retrenchment, e9en if she percei9ed the necessity of such me sure7 He h d therefore ce sed struggling g inst the stre m, nd ende 9oured to reconcile himself to ruin, by reflecting th t his child t le st ;ould inherit his mother's fortune, ;hich ; s secured to him by the contr ct of m rri ge7 The det il ;hich he g 9e me of his ff irs, filled me t once ;ith grief nd indign tion7 + in9eighed bitterly g inst the indiscretion of his ;ife, nd repro ched him ;ith his unm nly

c>uiescence under the bsurd tyr nny ;hich she exerted7 + exhorted him to recollect his resolution, nd m ke one effectu l effort to diseng ge himself from thr ldom, e>u lly sh meful nd pernicious7 + offered him ll the ssist nce in my po;er7 + undertook to regul te his ff irs, nd e9en to bring bout reform tion in his f mily, if he ;ould only uthorise me to execute the pl n + should form for his d9 nt ge7 + ; s so ffected by the subject, th t + could not help mingling te rs ;ith my remonstr nces, nd 5 yn rd ; s so penetr ted ;ith these m rks of my ffection, th t he lost ll po;er of utter nce7 He pressed me to his bre st ;ith gre t emotion, nd ;ept in silence7 !t length he excl imed, '.riendship is undoubtedly the most precious b lm of lifeG 2our ;ords, de r 5r mble, h 9e in gre t me sure rec lled me from n byss of despondence, in ;hich + h 9e been long o9er;helmed7 + ;ill, upon honour, m ke you c>u inted ;ith distinct st te of my ff irs, nd, s f r s + m ble to go, ;ill follo; the course you prescribe7 5ut there re cert in lengths ;hich my n ture == The truth is, there re tender connexions, of ;hich b tchelor h s no ide == Sh ll + o;n my ;e knessC + c nnot be r the thoughts of m king th t ;om n une sy' == '!nd yet Ecried +F, she h s seen you unh ppy for series of ye rs == unh ppy from her misconduct, ;ithout e9er she;ing the le st inclin tion to lle9i te your distress' == '-e9ertheless Es id heF + m persu ded she lo9es me ;ith the most ; rm ffection< but these re incongruities in the composition of the hum n mind ;hich + hold to be inexplic ble7' + ; s shocked t his inf tu tion, nd ch nged the subject, fter ;e h d greed to m int in close correspondence for the future7 He then g 9e me to underst nd, th t he h d t;o neighbours, ;ho, like himself, ;ere dri9en by their ;i9es t full speed, in the high ro d to b nkruptcy nd ruin7 !ll the three husb nds ;ere of dispositions 9ery different from e ch other, nd, ccording to this 9 ri tion, their consorts ;ere dmir bly suited to the purpose of keeping them ll three in subjection7 The 9ie;s of the l dies ;ere ex ctly the s me7 They 9ied in gr ndeur, th t is, in ostent tion, ;ith the ;ife of Sir Ch rles Chick;ell, ;ho h d four times their fortune< nd she g in pi>ued herself upon m king n e>u l figure ;ith neighbouring peeress, ;hose re9enue trebled her o;n7 Here then ; s the f ble of the frog nd the ox, re liDed in four different inst nces ;ithin the s me county? one l rge fortune, nd three moder te est tes, in f ir ; y of being burst by the infl tion of fem le 9 nity< nd in three of these inst nces, three different forms of fem le tyr nny ;ere exercised7 0r 5 yn rd ; s subjug ted by pr ctising upon the tenderness of his n ture7 0r 0ilks n, being of timorous disposition, truckled to the insolence of term g nt7 0r So;erby, ;ho ; s of temper neither to be mo9ed by fits, nor dri9en by men ces, h d the fortune to be fitted ;ith helpm te, ;ho ss iled him ;ith the ;e pons of irony nd s tire< sometimes sneering in the ; y of compliment< sometimes thro;ing out

s rc stic comp risons, implying repro ches upon his ; nt of t ste, spirit, nd generosity? by ;hich me ns she stimul ted his p ssions from one ct of extr 9 g nce to nother, just s the circumst nces of her 9 nity re>uired7 !ll these three l dies h 9e t this time the s me number of horses, c rri ges, nd ser9 nts in nd out of li9ery< the s me 9 riety of dress< the s me >u ntity of pl te nd chin < the like orn ments in furniture? nd in their entert inments they ende 9our to exceed one nother in the 9 riety, delic cy, nd expence of their dishes7 + belie9e it ;ill be found upon en>uiry, th t nineteen out of t;enty, ;ho re ruined by extr 9 g nce, f ll s crifice to the ridiculous pride nd 9 nity of silly ;omen, ;hose p rts re held in contempt by the 9ery men ;hom they pill ge nd ensl 9e7 Th nk he 9en, *ick, th t mong ll the follies nd ;e knesses of hum n n ture, + h 9e not yet f llen into th t of m trimony7 !fter 5 yn rd nd + h d discussed ll these m tters t leisure, ;e returned to; rds the house, nd met @ery ;ith our t;o ;omen, ;ho h d come forth to t ke the ir, s the l dy of the m nsion h d not yet m de her ppe r nce7 +n short, 0rs 5 yn rd did not produce herself, till bout >u rter of n hour before dinner ; s upon the t ble7 Then her husb nd brought her into the p rlour, ccomp nied by her unt nd son, nd she recei9ed us ;ith coldness of reser9e sufficient to freeDe the 9ery soul of hospit lity7 Though she kne; + h d been the intim te friend of her husb nd, nd h d often seen me ;ith him in 3ondon, she she;ed no m rks of recognition or reg rd, ;hen + ddressed myself to her in the most friendly terms of s lut tion7 She did not e9en express the common compliment of, + m gl d to see you< or, + hope you h 9e enjoyed your he lth since ;e h d the ple sure of seeing you< or some such ;ords of course? nor did she once open her mouth in the ; y of ;elcome to my sister nd my niece? but s t in silence like st tue, ;ith n spect of insensibility7 Her unt, the model upon ;hich she h d been formed, ; s indeed the 9ery essence of insipid form lity but the boy ; s 9ery pert nd impudent, nd pr ted ;ithout ce sing7 !t dinner, the l dy m int ined the s me ungr cious indifference, ne9er spe king but in ;hispers to her unt< nd s to the rep st, it ; s m de up of p rcel of kicksh ;s, contri9ed by .rench cook, ;ithout one subst nti l rticle d pted to the s tisf ction of n English ppetite7 The pott ge ; s little better th n bre d so ked in dish; shings, luke; rm7 The r gouts looked s if they h d been once e ten nd h lf digested? the fric ssees ;ere in9ol9ed in n sty yello; poultice? nd the rotis ;ere scorched nd stinking, for the honour of the fumet7 The desert consisted of f ded fruit nd iced froth, good emblem of our l ndl dy's ch r cter< the t ble=beer ; s sour, the ; ter foul, nd the ;ine 9 pid< but there ; s p r de of pl te nd chin , nd po;dered

l c>uey stood behind e9ery ch ir, except those of the m ster nd mistress of the house, ;ho ;ere ser9ed by t;o 9 lets dressed like gentlemen7 Ae dined in l rge old Gothic p rlour, ;hich ; s formerly the h ll7 +t ; s no; p 9ed ;ith m rble, nd, not;ithst nding the fire ;hich h d been kindled bout n hour, struck me ;ith such chill sens tion, th t ;hen + entered it the teeth ch ttered in my j ;s == +n short, e9ery thing ; s cold, comfortless, nd disgusting, except the looks of my friend 5 yn rd, ;hich decl red the ; rmth of his ffection nd hum nity7 !fter dinner ;e ;ithdre; into nother p rtment, ;here the boy beg n to be impertinently troublesome to my niece 3iddy7 He ; nted pl yfello;, forsooth< nd ;ould h 9e romped ;ith her, h d she encour ged his d9 nces == He ; s e9en so impudent s to sn tch kiss, t ;hich she ch nged counten nce, nd seemed une sy< nd though his f ther checked him for the rudeness of his beh 9iour, he bec me so outr geous s to thrust his h nd in her bosom? n insult to ;hich she did not t mely submit, though one of the mildest cre tures upon e rth7 Her eyes sp rkling ;ith resentment, she st rted up, nd lent him such box in the e r, s sent him st ggering to the other side of the room7 '0iss 0elford Ecried his f therF, you h 9e tre ted him ;ith the utmost propriety == + m only sorry th t the impertinence of ny child of mine should h 9e occ sioned this exertion of your spirit, ;hich + c nnot but ppl ud nd dmire7' His ;ife ; s so f r from ssenting to the c ndour of his pology, th t she rose from the t ble, nd, t king her son by the h nd, 'Come, child Es id sheF, your f ther c nnot bide you7' So s ying, she retired ;ith this hopeful youth, nd ; s follo;ed by her gou9ern nte? but neither the one nor the other deigned to t ke the le st notice of the comp ny7 5 yn rd ; s exceedingly disconcerted< but + percei9ed his une siness ; s tinctured ;ith resentment, nd deri9ed good omen from this disco9ery7 + ordered the horses to be put to the c rri ge, nd, though he m de some efforts to det in us ll night, + insisted upon le 9ing the house immedi tely< but, before + ;ent ; y, + took n opportunity of spe king to him g in in pri9 te7 + s id e9ery thing + could recollect, to nim te his ende 9ours in sh king off those sh meful tr mmels7 + m de no scruple to decl re, th t his ;ife ; s un;orthy of th t tender compl is nce ;hich he h d she;n for her foibles? th t she ; s de d to ll the genuine sentiments of conjug l ffection< insensible of her o;n honour nd interest, nd seemingly destitute of common sense nd reflection7 + conjured him to remember ;h t he o;ed to his f ther's house, to his o;n reput tion, nd to his f mily, including e9en this unre son ble ;om n herself, ;ho ; s dri9ing on blindly to her o;n destruction7 + d9ised him to form pl n for retrenching superfluous expence, nd try to con9ince the unt of the necessity for such

reform tion, th t she might gr du lly prep re her niece for its execution< nd + exhorted him to turn th t dis gree ble piece of form lity out of the house, if he should find her 9erse to his propos l7 Here he interrupted me ;ith sigh, obser9ing th t such step ;ould undoubtedly be f t l to 0rs 5 yn rd == '+ sh ll lose ll p tience Ecried +F, to he r you t lk so ;e kly == 0rs 5 yn rd's fits ;ill ne9er hurt her constitution7 + belie9e in my conscience they re ll ffected? + m sure she h s no feeling for your distresses< nd, ;hen you re ruined, she ;ill ppe r to h 9e no feeling for her o;n7' .in lly, + took his ;ord nd honour th t he ;ould m ke n effort, such s + h d d9ised< th t he ;ould form pl n of oeconomy, nd, if he found it impr ctic ble ;ithout my ssist nce, he ;ould come to 5 th in the ;inter, ;here + promised to gi9e him the meeting, nd contribute ll in my po;er to the retrie9 l of his ff irs == Aith this mutu l eng gement ;e p rted< nd + sh ll think myself supremely h ppy, if, by my me ns, ;orthy m n, ;hom + lo9e nd esteem, c n be s 9ed from misery, disgr ce, nd desp ir7 + h 9e only one friend more to 9isit in this p rt of the country, but he is of complexion 9ery different from th t of 5 yn rd7 2ou h 9e he rd me mention Sir Thom s 5ullford, ;hom + kne; in +t ly7 He is no; become country gentlem n< but, being dis bled by the gout from enjoying ny musement bro d, he entert ins himself ;ithin doors, by keeping open house for ll corners, nd pl ying upon the oddities nd humours of his comp ny? but he himself is gener lly the gre test origin l t his t ble7 He is 9ery good=humoured, t lks much, nd l ughs ;ithout ce sing7 + m told th t ll the use he m kes of his underst nding t present, is to excite mirth, by exhibiting his guests in ludicrous ttitudes7 + kno; not ho; f r ;e m y furnish him ;ith entert inment of this kind, but + m resol9ed to be t up his >u rters, p rtly ;ith 9ie; to l ugh ;ith the knight himself, nd p rtly to p y my respects to his l dy, good=n tured sensible ;om n, ;ith ;hom he li9es upon 9ery e sy terms, lthough she h s not h d the good fortune to bring him n heir to his est te7 !nd no;, de r *ick, + must tell you for your comfort, th t you re the only m n upon e rth to ;hom + ;ould presume to send such long;inded epistle, ;hich + could not find in my he rt to curt il, bec use the subject interested the ; rmest p ssions of my he rt< neither ;ill + m ke ny other pology to correspondent ;ho h s been so long ccustomed to the impertinence of 0!TT7 51!053E Sept7 :#7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 t ,xon7 *E!1 4-+GHT, + belie9e there is something mischie9ous in my disposition, for nothing di9erts me so much s to see cert in ch r cters tormented ;ith f lse terrors7 == Ae l st night lodged t the house of Sir Thom s 5ullford, n old friend of my uncle, jolly fello;, of moder te intellects, ;ho, in spite of the gout, ;hich h th l med him, is resol9ed to be merry to the l st< nd mirth he h s p rticul r kn ck in extr cting from his guests, let their humour be e9er so c ustic or refr ctory7 == 5esides our comp ny, there ; s in the house f t=he ded justice of the pe ce, c lled .rogmore, nd country pr ctitioner in surgery, ;ho seemed to be our l ndlord's chief comp nion nd confid nt7 == Ae found the knight sitting on couch, ;ith his crutches by his side, nd his feet supported on cushions< but he recei9ed us ;ith he rty ;elcome, nd seemed gre tly rejoiced t our rri9 l7 == !fter te , ;e ;ere entert ined ;ith son t on the h rpsichord by l dy 5ullford, ;ho sung nd pl yed to dmir tion< but Sir Thom s seemed to be little sinine in the rticle of e rs, though he ffected to be in r ptures, nd begged his ;ife to f 9our us ;ith n riett of her o;n composing7 == This riett , ho;e9er, she no sooner beg n to perform, th n he nd the justice fell sleep< but the moment she ce sed pl ying, the knight ; ked snorting, nd excl imed, ', c r G ;h t d'ye think, gentlemenC Aill you t lk ny more of your P rgolesi nd your CorelliC' == !t the s me time, he thrust his tongue in one cheek, nd leered ;ith one eye t the doctor nd me, ;ho s t on his left h nd7 He concluded the p ntomime ;ith loud l ugh, ;hich he could comm nd t ll times extempore7 == -ot;ithst nding his disorder, he did not do pen nce t supper, nor did he e9er refuse his gl ss ;hen the to st ;ent round, but r ther encour ged >uick circul tion, both by precept nd ex mple7 + soon percei9ed the doctor h d m de himself 9ery necess ry to the b ronet7 == He ; s the ;hetstone of his ;it, the butt of his s tire, nd his oper tor in cert in experiments of humour, ;hich ;ere occ sion lly tried upon str ngers7 == @ustice .rogmore ; s n excellent subject for this species of philosophy< sleek nd corpulent, solemn, nd sh llo;, he h d studied 5urn ;ith uncommon pplic tion, but he studied nothing so much s the rt of li9ing Eth t is, e tingF ;ell == This f t buck h d often fforded good sport to our l ndlord< nd he ; s fre>uently st rted ;ith toler ble success, in the course of this e9ening< but the b ronet's ppetite for ridicule seemed to be chiefly excited by the ppe r nce, ddress, nd con9ers tion of 3ism h go, ;hom he ttempted in ll different modes of

exposition< but he put me in mind of contest th t + once s ; bet;ixt young hound nd n old hedge=hog == The dog turned him o9er nd o9er, nd bounced nd b rked, nd mumbled< but s often s he ttempted to bite, he felt prickle in his j ;s, nd recoiled in m nifest confusion< == The c pt in, ;hen left to himself, ;ill not f il to turn his ludicrous side to the comp ny, but if ny m n ttempts to force him into th t ttitude, he becomes stubborn s mule, nd unm n ge ble s n eleph nt unbroke7 *i9ers toler ble jokes ;ere cr cked upon the justice, ;ho e t most unconscion ble supper, nd, mong other things, l rge pl te of broiled mushrooms, ;hich he h d no sooner s; llo;ed th n the doctor obser9ed, ;ith gre t gr 9ity, th t they ;ere of the kind c lled ch mpignons, ;hich in some constitutions h s poisonous effect7 == 0r .rogmore st rtled t this rem rk, sked, in some confusion, ;hy he h d not been so kind s to gi9e him th t notice sooner7 == He ns;ered, th t he took it for gr nted, by his e ting them so he rtily, th t he ; s used to the dish< but s he seemed to be under some pprehension, he prescribed bumper of pl gue ; ter, ;hich the justice dr nk off immedi tely, nd retired to rest, not ;ithout m rks of terror nd dis>uiet7 !t midnight ;e ;ere she;n to our different ch mbers, nd in h lf n hour, + ; s f st sleep in bed< but bout three o'clock in the morning + ; s ; ked ;ith dism l cry of .ireG nd st rting up, r n to the ;indo; in my shirt7 == The night ; s d rk nd stormy< nd number of people h lf=dressed r n b ck; rds nd for; rds thro' the court=y rd, ;ith links nd l nthorns, seemingly in the utmost hurry nd trepid tion7 == Slipping on my clo ths in t;inkling, + r n do;n st irs, nd, upon en>uiry, found the fire ; s confined to b ck=st ir, ;hich led to det ched p rtment ;here 3ism h go l y7 == 5y this time, the lieuten nt ; s l rmed by b ;ling t his ;indo;, ;hich ; s in the second story, but he could not find his clo ths in the d rk, nd his room=door ; s locked on the outside7 == The ser9 nts c lled to him, th t the house h d been robbed< th t, ;ithout ll doubt, the 9ill ins h d t ken ; y his clo ths, f stened the door, nd set the house on fire, for the st ir=c se ; s in fl mes7 == +n this dilemm the poor lieuten nt r n bout the room n ked like s>uirrel in c ge, popping out his be d t the ;indo; bet;een ;hiles, nd imploring ssist nce7 == !t length, the knight in person ; s brought out in his ch ir, ttended by my uncle nd ll the f mily, including our unt T bith , ;ho scre med, nd cried, nd tore her h ir, s if she h d been distr cted == Sir Thom s h d lre dy ordered his people to bring long l dder ;hich ; s pplied to the c pt in's, ;indo;, nd no; he exhorted him e rnestly to descend7 == There ; s no need of much rhetoric to persu de 3ism h go, ;ho forth;ith m de his exit by the ;indo;, ro ring ll the time to the people belo; to hold f st the l dder7

-ot;ithst nding the gr 9ity of the occ sion, it ; s impossible to behold this scene ;ithout being seiDed ;ith n inclin tion to l ugh7 The rueful spect of the lieuten nt in his shirt, ;ith >uilted night=c p f stened under his chin, nd his long l nk limbs nd posteriors exposed to the ;ind, m de 9ery pictures>ue ppe r nce, ;hen illumined by the links nd torches ;hich the ser9 nts held up to light him in his descent7 == !ll the comp ny stood round the l dder, except the knight, ;ho s t in his ch ir, excl iming from time to time, '3ord, h 9e mercy upon usG == s 9e the gentlem n's lifeG == mind your footing, de r c pt inG softlyG == st nd f stG == cl sp the l dder ;ith both h ndsG == thereG == ;ell done, my de r boyG == , br 9oG == n old soldier for e9erG == bring bl nket bring ; rm bl nket to comfort his poor c rc se == ; rm the bed in the green room == gi9e me your h nd, de r c pt in == +'m rejoiced to see thee s fe nd sound ;ith ll my he rt7' 3ism h go ; s recei9ed t the foot of the l dder by his in mor t , ;ho sn tching bl nket from one of the m ids, ;r pped it bout his body< t;o men=ser9 nts took him under the rms, nd fem le conducted him to the green room, still ccomp nied by 0rs T bith , ;ho s ; him f irly put to bed7 == *uring this ;hole tr ns ction he spoke not syll ble, but looked exceeding grim, sometimes t one, sometimes t nother of the spect tors, ;ho no; djourned in body to the p rlour ;here ;e h d supped, e9ery one sur9eying nother ;ith m rks of stonishment nd curiosity7 The knight being se ted in n e sy ch ir, seiDed my uncle by the h nd, nd bursting into long nd loud l ugh, '0 tt Ecried heF, cro;n me ;ith o k, or i9y, or l urel, or p rsely, or ;h t you ;ill, nd ckno;ledge this to be coup de m itre in the ; y of ; ggery == h , h , h G == Such c misci t , sc gli t , beff t G ,, che rob G ,, ;h t subjectG == ,, ;h t c ric tur G == ,, for 1os , 1embr ndt, Sch lkenG == Kooks, +'ll gi9e hundred guine s to h 9e it p intedG == ;h t fine descent from the cross, or scent to the g llo;sG ;h t lights nd sh do;sG == ;h t groupe belo;G ;h t expression bo9eG == ;h t n spectG == did you mind the spectC h , h , h G == nd the limbs, nd the muscles e9ery toe denoted terrorG h , h , h G == then the bl nketG ,, ;h t costumeG St !ndre;G St 3 D rusG St 5 rr b sG == h , h , h G' '!fter ll then Ecried 0r 5r mble 9ery gr 9elyF, this ; s no more th n f lse l rm7 == Ae h 9e been frightened out of our beds, nd lmost out of our senses, for the joke's s ke7' '!y, nd such jokeG Ecried our l ndlordF such f rceG such denouementG such c t stropheG' 'H 9e little p tience Ereplied our 's>uireF< ;e re not yet come to the c t strophe< nd pr y God it m y not turn out tr gedy inste d of f rce7 == The c pt in is one of those s turnine subjects, ;ho h 9e no ide of humour7 == He ne9er l ughs in his o;n person< nor c n he be r th t other people should l ugh t his expence7 5esides, if the subject h d been properly chosen, the joke ; s too se9ere in ll conscience7' ''Sde thG Ecried the

knightF + could not h 9e b ted him n ce h d he been my o;n f ther< nd s for the subject, such nother does not present itself once in h lf century7' Here 0rs T bith interposing, nd bridling up, decl red, she did not see th t 0r 3ism h go ; s fitter subject for ridicule th n the knight himself< nd th t she ; s 9ery much fr id, he ;ould 9ery soon find he h d mist ken his m n7 == The b ronet ; s good de l disconcerted by his intim tion, s ying, th t he must be Goth nd b rb ri n, if he did not enter into the spirit of such h ppy nd humourous contri9 nce7 == He begged, ho;e9er, th t 0r 5r mble nd his sister ;ould bring him to re son< nd this re>uest ; s reinforced by l dy 5ullford, ;ho did not f il to re d the b ronet lecture upon his indiscretion, ;hich lecture he recei9ed ;ith submission on one side of his f ce, nd leer upon the other7 Ae no; ;ent to bed for the second time< nd before + got up, my uncle h d 9isited 3ism h go in the green room, nd used such rguments ;ith him, th t ;hen ;e met in the p rlour he seemed to be >uite ppe sed7 He recei9ed the knight's pology ;ith good gr ce, nd e9en professed himself ple sed t finding he h d contributed to the di9ersion of the comp ny7 == Sir Thom s shook him by the h nd, l ughing he rtily< nd then desired pinch of snuff, in token of perfect reconcili tion == The lieuten nt, putting his h nd in his ; istco t pocket, pulled out, inste d of his o;n Scotch mull, 9ery fine gold snuff=box, ;hich he no sooner percei9ed th n he s id, 'Here is sm ll mist ke7' '-o mist ke t ll Ecried the b ronetF? f ir exch nge is no robbery7 == ,blige me so f r, c pt in, s to let me keep your mull s memori l7' 'Sir Es id the lieuten ntF, the mull is much t your ser9ice< but this m chine + c n by no me ns ret in7 == +t looks like compounding sort of felony in the code of honour7 5esides, + don't kno; but there m y be nother joke in this con9ey nce< nd + don't find myself disposed to be brought upon the st ge g in7 == + ;on't presume to m ke free ;ith your pockets, but + beg you ;ill put it up g in ;ith your o;n h nd7' So s ying, ;ith cert in usterity of spect, he presented the snuffbox to the knight, ;ho recei9ed it in some confusion, nd restored the mull, ;hich he ;ould by no me ns keep except on the terms of exch nge7 This tr ns ction ; s like to gi9e gr 9e c st to the con9ers tion, ;hen my uncle took notice th t 0r @ustice .rogmore h d not m de his ppe r nce either t the night= l rm, or no; t the gener l rendeD9ous7 The b ronet he ring .rogmore mentioned, ',dsoG Ecried heF + h d forgot the justice7 == Pr'ythee, doctor, go nd bring him out of his kennel7' Then l ughing till his sides ;ere ;ell sh ken, he s id he ;ould she; the c pt in, th t he ; s not the only person of the dr m exhibited for the entert inment of the comp ny7 !s to the night=scene, it could not ffect the justice, ;ho h d been purposely lodged in the f rther end of the house, remote from the noise, nd lulled ;ith dose of opium

into the b rg in7 +n fe; minutes, 0r @ustice ; s led into the p rlour in his nightc p nd loose morning=go;n, rolling his he d from side to side, nd gro ning piteously ll the ; y7 == '@esuG neighbour .rogmore Eexcl imed the b ronetF, ;h t is the m tterC == you look s if you ; s not m n for this ;orld7 == Set him do;n softly on the couch == poor gentlemenG == 3ord h 9e mercy upon usG == Ah t m kes him so p le, nd yello;, nd blo tedC' ',h, Sir Thom sG Ecried the justiceF + doubt 'tis ll o9er ;ith me == Those mushrooms + e t t your t ble h 9e done my business == hG ohG heyG' '-o; the 3ord forbidG Es id the otherF == ;h tG m n, h 9e good he rt == Ho; does thy stom ch feelC == h llC' To this interrog tion he m de no reply< but thro;ing side his nightgo;n, disco9ered th t his ; ist=co t ;ould not meet upon his belly by fi9e good inches t le st7 'He 9en protect us llG Ecried Sir Thom sF ;h t mel ncholy spect cleG == ne9er did + see m n so suddenly s;elled, but ;hen he ; s either just de d, or just dying7 == *octor, c n'st thou do nothing for this poor objectC' '+ don't think the c se is >uite desper te Es id the surgeonF, but + ;ould d9ise 0r .rogmore to settle his ff irs ;ith ll expedition< the p rson m y come nd pr y by him, ;hile + prep re glyster nd n emetic dr ught7' The justice, rolling his l nguid eyes, ej cul ted ;ith gre t fer9ency, '3ord, h 9e mercy upon usG Christ, h 9e mercy upon usG' == Then he begged the surgeon, in the n me of God, to disp tch == '!s for my ;orldly ff irs Es id heF, they re ll settled but one mortg ge, ;hich must be left to my heirs == but my poor soulG my poor soulG ;h t ;ill become of my poor soulC miser ble sinner th t + mG' '- y, pr'ythee, my de r boy, compose thyself Eresumed the knightF< consider the mercy of he 9en is infinite< thou c n'st not h 9e ny sins of 9ery deep dye on thy conscience, or the de9il's in't7' '- me not the de9il Eexcl imed the terrified .rogmoreF, + h 9e more sins to ns;er for th n the ;orld dre ms of7 == !hG friend, + h 9e been sly == sly d mn'd slyG == Send for the p rson ;ithout loss of time, nd put me to bed, for + m posting to eternity7' == He ; s ccordingly r ised from the couch, nd supported by t;o ser9 nts, ;ho led him b ck to his room< but before he >uitted the p rlour, he intre ted the good comp ny to ssist him ;ith their pr yers7 == He dded, 'T ke ; rning by me, ;ho m suddenly cut off in my prime, like flo;er of the field< nd God forgi9e you, Sir Thom s, for suffering such poisonous tr sh to be e ten t your t ble7' He ; s no sooner remo9ed out of he ring, th n the b ronet b ndoned himself to 9iolent fit of l ughing, in ;hich he ; s joined by the gre test p rt of the comp ny< but ;e could h rdly pre9ent the good l dy from going to undecei9e the p tient, by disco9ering, th t ;hile he slept his ; istco t h d been str itened by the contri9 nce of the surgeon< nd th t the disorder in his stom ch nd bo;els ; s occ sioned by some ntimoni l ;ine, ;hich he h d t ken o9er night, under the

denomin tion of pl gue=; ter7 She seemed to think th t his pprehension might put n end to his life? the knight s;ore he ; s no such chicken, but tough old rogue, th t ;ould li9e long enough to pl gue ll his neighbours7 == /pon en>uiry, ;e found his ch r cter did not intitle him to much comp ssion or respect, nd therefore ;e let our l ndlord's humour t ke its course7 == ! glyster ; s ctu lly dministered by n old ;om n of the f mily, ;ho h d been Sir Thom s's nurse, nd the p tient took dr ught m de ;ith oxymel of s>uills to for; rd the oper tion of the ntimoni l ;ine, ;hich h d been ret rded by the opi te of the preceding night7 He ; s 9isited by the 9ic r, ;ho re d pr yers, nd beg n to t ke n ccount of the st te of his soul, ;hen those medicines produced their effect< so th t the p rson ; s obliged to hold his nose ;hile he poured forth spiritu l consol tion from his mouth7 The s me expedient ; s used by the knight nd me, ;ho, ;ith the doctor, entered the ch mber t this juncture, nd found .rogmore enthroned on n e sing=ch ir, under the pressure of double e9 cu tion7 The short inter9 ls bet;ixt e9ery he 9e he employed in crying for mercy, confessing his sins, or sking the 9ic r's opinion of his c se< nd the 9ic r ns;ered, in solemn snuffling tone, th t heightened the ridicule of the scene7 The emetic h 9ing done its office, the doctor interfered, nd ordered the p tient to be put in bed g in7 Ahen he ex mined the egest , nd felt his pulse, he decl red th t much of the 9irus ; s disch rged, nd, gi9ing him composing dr ught, ssured him he h d good hopes of his reco9ery7 == This ;elcome hint he recei9ed ;ith the te rs of joy in his eyes, protesting, th t if he should reco9er, he ;ould l; ys think himself indebted for his life to the gre t skill nd tenderness of his doctor, ;hose h nd he s>ueeDed ;ith gre t fer9our< nd thus he ; s left to his repose7 Ae ;ere pressed to st y dinner, th t ;e might be ;itnesses of his resuscit tion< but my uncle insisted upon our dep rting before noon, th t ;e might re ch this to;n before it should be d rk7 == +n the me n=time, l dy 5ullford conducted us into the g rden to see fishpond just finished, ;hich 0r 5r mble censured s being too ne r the p rlour, ;here the knight no; s t by himself, doDing in n elbo;=ch ir fter the f tigues of his morning tchie9ement7 == +n this situ tion he reclined, ;ith his feet ;r pped in fl nnel, nd supported in line ;ith his body, ;hen the door flying open ;ith 9iolent shock, lieuten nt 3ism h go rushed into the room ;ith horror in his looks, excl iming, '! m d dogG m d dogG' nd thro;ing up the ;indo; s sh, le ped into the g rden == Sir Thom s, ; ked by this tremendous excl m tion, st rted up, nd forgetting his gout, follo;ed the lieuten nt's ex mple by kind of instincti9e impulse7 He not only bolted thro' the ;indo; like n rro; from bo;, but r n up to his middle in the pond before he g 9e the le st sign of recollection7 Then the c pt in beg n to b ;l, '3ord h 9e mercy upon usG == pr y, t ke c re of the gentlem nG == for God's s ke, mind your footing, my de r boyG == get ; rm bl nkets == comfort his poor c rc se == ; rm the bed in the

green room7' 3 dy 5ullford ; s thunder=struck t this ph enomenon, nd the rest of the comp ny g Ded in silent stonishment, ;hile the ser9 nts h stened to ssist their m ster, ;ho suffered himself to be c rried b ck into the p rlour ;ithout spe king ;ord7 == 5eing inst ntly ccommod ted ;ith dry clothes nd fl nnels, comforted ;ith cordi l, nd repl ced in st tu >uo, one of the m ids ; s ordered to ch fe his lo;er extremities, n oper tion in conse>uence of ;hich his senses seemed to return nd his good humour to re9i9e7 == !s ;e h d follo;ed him into the room, he looked t e9ery indi9idu l in his turn, ;ith cert in ludicrous expression in his counten nce, but fixed his eyes in p rticul r upon 3ism h go, ;ho presented him ;ith pinch of snuff, nd ;hen he took it in silence, 'Sir Thom s 5ullford Es id heF, + m much obliged to you for ll your f 9ours, nd some of them + h 9e ende 9oured to rep y in your o;n coin7' 'Gi9e me thy h nd Ecried the b ronetF< thou h st indeed p yed me Scot nd lot< nd e9en left b l nce in my h nds, for ;hich, in presence of this comp ny, + promise to be ccount ble7' == So s ying, he l ughed 9ery he rtily, nd e9en seemed to enjoy the ret li tion ;hich h d been ex cted t his o;n expence< but l dy 5ullford looked 9ery gr 9e< nd in ll prob bility thought the lieuten nt h d c rried his resentment too f r, considering th t her husb nd ; s 9 letudin ry == but, ccording to the pro9erb, he th t ;ill pl y t bo;ls must expect to meet ;ith rubbers7 + h 9e seen t me be r, 9ery di9erting ;hen properly m n ged, become 9ery d ngerous ;ild be st ;hen teiDed for the entert inment of the spect tors7 == !s for 3ism h go, he seemed to think the fright nd the cold b th ;ould h 9e good effect upon his p tient's constitution? but the doctor hinted some pprehension th t the gouty m tter might, by such sudden shock, be repelled from the extremities nd thro;n upon some of the more 9it l p rts of the m chine7 == + should be 9ery sorry to see this prognostic 9erified upon our f cetious l ndlord, ;ho told 0rs T bith t p rting, th t he hoped she ;ould remember him in the distribution of the bride's f 9ours, s he h d t ken so much p ins to put the c pt in's p rts nd mettle to the proof7 == !fter ll, + m fr id our s>uire ;ill ppe r to be the gre test sufferer by the b ronet's ;it< for his constitution is by no me ns c lcul ted for night= l rms7 He h s y ;ned nd shi9ered ll d y, nd gone to bed ;ithout supper< so th t, s ;e h 9e got into good >u rters, + im gine ;e sh ll m ke h lt to=morro;< in ;hich c se, you ;ill h 9e t le st one d y's respite from the persecution of @7 0E3.,1* ,ct7 :7

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7 *E!1 0!12 @,-ES, 0iss 3iddy is so good s to unclose me in ki9er s fur s Gloster, nd the c rrier ;ill bring it to h nd == God send us ll s fe to 0onmouthshire, for +'m >uite j ded ;ith r mbling == 'Tis true s ying, li9e nd le rn == # ;om n, ;h t chuckling nd ch nging h 9e + seenG == Aell, there's nothing s rt in in this ;orld == Aho ;ould h 9e thought th t mistriss, fter ll the p ins t ken for the good of her prusi s sole, ;ould go for to thro; ; y her poor bodyC th t she ;ould c st the heys of infection upon such c rrying=cro; s 3 shmih goG s old s 0 the;sullin, s dry s red herring, nd s poor s st r9ed 9eeDel == #, 0olly, h dst thou seen him come do;n the l dder, in shurt so sc nty, th t it could not ki9er his n kednessG == The young 's>uire c lled him *un>uickset< but he looked for ll the ;orld like Cr doc= p=0org n, the ould tinker, th t suffered t !berg ny for steeling of kettle == Then he's prof ne scuffle, nd, s 0r Clinker s ys, no better th n n impfiddle, continu lly pl ying upon the pyebill nd the ne;=burth == + doubt he h s s little m nners s money< for he c n't s y ci9il ;ord, much more m ke me present of p ir of glo9es for good;ill< but he looks s if he ; nted to be 9ery fore;ood nd f mili r ,G th t e9er gentle;om n of ye rs nd discretion should t re her ir, nd cry nd disporridge herself for such nubj ckG s the song goes + 9o; she ;ould f in h 9e burd Th t bids such price for n o;l7 but, for s rt in, he must h 9e de lt ;ith some Scotch musici n to bring her to this p ss == !s for me, + put my trust in the 3ord< nd + h 9e got slice of ;itch elm so;ed in the g thers of my under pettico t< nd 0r Clinker ssures me, th t by the ne; light of gre se, + m y deify the de9il nd ll his ;orks == 5ut + nose ;h t + nose == +f mistress should t ke up ;ith 3 shmyh go, this is no s r9ice for me == Th nk God, there's no ; nt of pl ces< nd if it ; n't for ; n thing, + ;ould == but, no m tter 0 d m 5 yn r's ;om n h s t;enty good pounds =ye r nd p r>uisites< nd dresses like p rson of distinkson == + dined ;ith her nd the 9 lley de sh mbles, ;ith b gs nd golden j ckets< but there ; s nothing kimfitt ble to e t, being s ho; they li9ed upon bo rd, nd h 9ing nothing but piss of could cuddling t rt nd some bl m ngey, + ; s tuck ;ith the cullick, nd murcey it ; s th t mistress h d her 9iol of ssings in the cox7 5ut, s + ; s s ying, + think for s rt in this m tch ;ill go fore;ood< for things re come to creesus< nd + h 9e seen ;ith my o;n b ys, such smuggling == 5ut + scorn for to exclose the secrets of the f mily< nd if it ; nce comes to m rrying, ;ho nose but the frolick m y go round == + belie9es s ho;, 0iss 3iddy

;ould h 9e no re9ersion if her s; n ;ould ppe r< nd you ;ould be surprised, 0olly, to recei9e bride's fe9er from your humble s r9 nt == but this is ll suppository, de r girl< nd + h 9e sullenly promised to 0r Clinker, th t neither m n, ;om n, nor child sh ll no th t rro; s id ci9il thing to me in the ; y of infection7 + hope to drink your he lth t 5r mbleton=h ll, in horn of ,ctober, before the month be out == Pr y let my bed be turned once =d y, nd the ;indore opened, ;hile the ;e ther is dry< nd burn fe; billets ;ith some brush in the footm n's g rret, nd see their m ttr sh be dry s bone? for both our gentlemen h 9e got s d could by lying in d mp shits t sir Tumm s 5 llf rt's7 -o more t present, but my s r9ice to S ul nd the rest of our fello;=s r9ents, being, *e r 0 ry @ones, !l; ys yours, A+-7 @E-4+-S ,ct7 87

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7 02 *E!1 3ETT2, This method of ;riting to you from time to time, ;ithout ny hopes of n ns;er, ffords me, + o;n, some e se nd s tisf ction in the 'midst of my dis>uiet, s it in some degree lightens the burthen of ffliction? but it is t best 9ery imperfect enjoyment of friendship, bec use it dmits of no return of confidence nd good counsel == + ;ould gi9e the ;hole ;orld to h 9e your comp ny for single d y == + m he rtily tired of this itiner nt ; y of life7 + m >uite diDDy ;ith perpetu l succession of objects == 5esides it is impossible to tr 9el such length of ; y, ;ithout being exposed to incon9eniencies, d ngers, nd dis gree ble ccidents, ;hich pro9e 9ery grie9ous to poor cre ture of ;e k ner9es like me, nd m ke me p y 9ery de r for the gr tific tion of my curiosity7 - ture ne9er intended me for the busy ;orld == + long for repose nd solitude, ;here + c n enjoy th t disinterested friendship ;hich is not to be found mong crouds, nd indulge those ple sing re9eries th t shun the hurry nd tumult of f shion ble society == /nexperienced s + m in the commerce of life, + h 9e seen enough to gi9e me disgust to the gener lity of those ;ho c rry it on == There is such m lice, tre chery, nd dissimul tion, e9en mong professed friends nd intim te comp nions, s c nnot f il to strike 9irtuous mind ;ith horror< nd ;hen 6ice >uits the st ge for moment, her pl ce is immedi tely occupied by .olly, ;hich

is often too serious to excite ny thing but comp ssion7 Perh ps + ought to be silent on the foibles of my poor unt< but ;ith you, my de r Aillis, + h 9e no secrets< nd, truly, her ;e knesses re such s c nnot be conce led7 Since the first moment ;e rri9ed t 5 th, she h s been employed const ntly in spre ding nets for the other sex< nd, t length, she h s c ught super nnu ted lieuten nt, ;ho is in f ir ; y to m ke her ch nge her n me == 0y uncle nd my brother seem to h 9e no objection to this extr ordin ry m tch, ;hich, + m ke no doubt, ;ill fford bund nce of m tter for con9ers tion nd mirth< for my p rt, + m too sensible of my o;n ;e knesses, to be di9erted ;ith those of other people == !t present, + h 9e something t he rt th t employs my ;hole ttention, nd keeps my mind in the utmost terror nd suspence7 2esterd y in the forenoon, s + stood ;ith my brother t the p rlour ;indo; of n inn, ;here ;e h d lodged, person p ssed horseb ck, ;hom Egr cious He 9enGF + inst ntly disco9ered to be AilsonG He ;ore ;hite riding=co t, ;ith the c pe buttoned up to his chin< looking rem rk bly p le, nd p ssed t round trot, ;ithout seeming to obser9e us == +ndeed, he could not see us< for there ; s blind th t conce led us from the 9ie;7 2ou m y guess ho; + ; s ffected t this pp rition7 The light forsook my eyes< nd + ; s seiDed ;ith such p lpit tion nd trembling, th t + could not st nd7 + s t do;n upon couch, nd stro9e to compose myself, th t my brother might not percei9e my git tion< but it ; s impossible to esc pe his prying eyes == He h d obser9ed the object th t l rmed me< nd, doubtless, kne; him t the first gl nce == He no; looked t me ;ith stern counten nce< then he r n out into the street, to see ;h t ro d the unfortun te horsem n h d t ken == He fter; rds disp tched his m n for further intelligence, nd seemed to medit te some 9iolent design7 0y uncle, being out of order, ;e rem ined nother night t the inn< nd ll d y long @ery cted the p rt of n indef tig ble spy upon my conduct == He ; tched my 9ery looks ;ith such e gerness of ttention, s if he ;ould h 9e penetr ted into the utmost recesses of my he rt == This m y be o;ing to his reg rd for my honour, if it is not the effect of his o;n pride< but he is so hot, nd 9iolent, nd unrelenting, th t the sight of him lone thro;s me into flutter< nd re lly it ;ill not be in my po;er to fford him ny sh re of my ffection, if he persists in persecuting me t this r te7 + m fr id he h s formed some scheme of 9enge nce, ;hich ;ill m ke me completely ;retchedG + m fr id he suspects some collusion from this ppe r nce of Ailson7 == Good GodG did he re lly ppe rC or ; s it only ph ntom, p le spectre to pprise me of his de th7 , 3etty, ;h t sh ll + doC == ;here sh ll + turn for d9ice nd consol tionC sh ll + implore the protection of my uncle, ;ho h s been l; ys kind nd comp ssion te7 == This must be my l st

resource7 == + dre d the thoughts of m king him une sy< nd ;ould r ther suffer thous nd de ths th n li9e the c use of dissension in the f mily7 == + c nnot concei9e the me ning of Ailson's coming hither? == perh ps, it ; s in >uest of us, in order to disclose his re l n me nd situ tion? == but ;herefore p ss ;ithout st ying to m ke the le st en>uiryC == 0y de r Aillis, + m lost in conjecture7 + h 9e not closed n eye since + s ; him7 == !ll night long h 9e + been tossed bout from one im gin tion to nother7 The reflection finds no resting pl ce7 == + h 9e pr yed, nd sighed, nd ;ept plentifully7 == +f this terrible suspence continues much longer, + sh ll h 9e nother fit of illness, nd then the ;hole f mily ;ill be in confusion == +f it ; s consistent ;ith the ;ise purposes of Pro9idence, ;ould + ;ere in my gr 9e == 5ut it is my duty to be resigned7 == 0y de rest 3etty, excuse my ;e kness == excuse these blots == my te rs f ll so f st th t + c nnot keep the p per dry == yet + ought to consider th t + h 9e s yet no c use to desp ir but + m such f int=he rted timorous cre tureG Th nk God, my uncle is much better th n he ; s yesterd y7 He is resol9ed to pursue our journey str it to A les7 == + hope ;e sh ll t ke Gloucester in our ; y == th t hope che rs my poor he rt + sh ll once more embr ce my best belo9ed Aillis, nd pour ll my griefs into her friendly bosom7 == # he 9enG is it possible th t such h ppiness is reser9ed for The dejected nd forlorn 32*+! 0E3.,1* ,ct7 87

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 A!T4+-, + yesterd y met ;ith n incident ;hich + belie9e you ;ill o;n to be 9ery surprising == !s + stood ;ith 3iddy t the ;indo; of the inn ;here ;e h d lodged, ;ho should p ss by but Ailson =horse b ckG == + could not be mist ken in the person, for + h d full 9ie; of him s he d9 nced< + pl inly percei9ed by my sister's confusion th t she recogniDed him t the s me time7 + ; s e>u lly stonished nd incensed t his ppe r nce, ;hich + could not but interpret into n insult, or something ;orse7 + r n out t the g te, nd, seeing him turn the corner of the street, + disp tched my ser9 nt to obser9e his motions, but the fello; ; s too l te to bring me th t s tisf ction7 He told me, ho;e9er, th t there ; s n inn, c lled the 1ed 3ion, t th t end of the to;n, ;here he supposed the horsem n h d lighted, but th t he ;ould not en>uire ;ithout further orders7 + sent him b ck immedi tely to kno; ;h t str ngers ;ere in the house, nd he returned ;ith report th t there ; s one 0r Ailson l tely rri9ed7 +n conse>uence of this

inform tion + ch rged him ;ith note directed to th t gentlem n, desiring him to meet me in h lf n hour in cert in field t the to;n's end, ;ith c se of pistols, in order to decide the difference ;hich could not be determined t our l st rencounter? but + did not think proper to subscribe the billet7 0y m n ssured me he h d deli9ered it into his o;n h nd< nd, th t h 9ing re d it, he decl red he ;ould ; it upon the gentlem n t the pl ce nd time ppointed7 0'!lpine being n old soldier, nd luckily sober t the time, + entrusted him ;ith my secret7 + ordered him to be ;ithin c ll, nd, h 9ing gi9en him letter to be deli9ered to my uncle in c se of ccident, + rep ired to the rendeD9ous, ;hich ; s n inclosed field t little dist nce from the high; y7 + found my nt gonist h d lre dy t ken his ground, ;r pped in d rk horsem n's co t, ;ith l ced h t fl pped o9er his eyes< but ;h t ; s my stonishment, ;hen, thro;ing off this ;r pper, he ppe red to be person ;hom + h d ne9er seen beforeG He h d one pistol stuck in le ther belt, nd nother in his h nd re dy for ction, nd, d9 ncing fe; steps, c lled to kno; if + ; s re dy == + ns;ered, '-o,' nd desired p rley< upon ;hich he turned the muDDle of his piece to; rds the e rth< then repl ced it in his belt, nd met me h lf ; y == Ahen + ssured him he ; s not the m n + expected to meet, he s id it might be so? th t he h d recei9ed slip of p per directed to 0r Ailson, re>uesting him to come hither< nd th t s there ; s no other in the pl ce of th t n me, he n tur lly concluded the note ; s intended for him, nd him only == + then g 9e him to underst nd, th t + h d been injured by person ;ho ssumed th t n me, ;hich person + h d ctu lly seen ;ithin the hour, p ssing through the street on horseb ck< th t he ring there ; s 0r Ailson t the 1ed 3ion, + took it for gr nted he ; s the m n, nd in th t belief h d ;rit the billet< nd + expressed my surpriDe, th t he, ;ho ; s str nger to me nd my concerns, should gi9e me such rendeD9ous, ;ithout t king the trouble to dem nd pre9ious expl n tion7 He replied, th t there ; s no other of his n me in the ;hole country< th t no such horsem n h d lighted t the 1ed 3ion since nine o'clock, ;hen he rri9ed == th t h 9ing h d the honour to ser9e his m jesty, he thought he could not decently decline ny in9it tion of this kind, from ;h t >u rter soe9er it might come, nd th t if ny expl n tion ; s necess ry, it did not belong to him to dem nd it, but to the gentlem n ;ho summoned him into the field7 6exed s + ; s t this d9enture, + could not help dmiring the coolness of this officer, ;hose open counten nce prepossessed me in his f 9our7 He seemed to be turned of forty< ;ore his o;n short bl ck h ir, ;hich curled n tur lly bout his e rs, nd ; s 9ery pl in in his pp rel == Ahen + begged p rdon for the trouble + h d gi9en him, he recei9ed my pology ;ith gre t good humour7 == He told me th t he li9ed bout ten miles off, t sm ll f rm=house, ;hich ;ould fford me toler ble lodging, if + ;ould come nd t ke di9ersion of hunting ;ith him

for fe; ;eeks< in ;hich c se ;e might, perh ps, find out the m n ;ho h d gi9en me offence == + th nked him 9ery sincerely for his courteous offer, ;hich, + told him, + ; s not t liberty to ccept t present, on ccount of my being eng ged in f mily p rty< nd so ;e p rted, ;ith mutu l professions of good ;ill nd esteem7 -o; tell me, de r knight, ;h t m + to m ke of this singul r d9entureC !m + to suppose th t the horsem n + s ; ; s re lly thing of flesh nd blood, or bubble th t 9 nished into irC == or must + im gine 3iddy kno;s more of the m tter th n she chuses to discloseC == +f + thought her c p ble of c rrying on ny cl ndestine correspondence ;ith such fello;, + should t once disc rd ll tenderness, nd forget th t she ; s connected ;ith me by the ties of blood == 5ut ho; is it possible th t girl of her simplicity nd inexperience, should m int in such n intercourse, surrounded, s she is, ;ith so m ny eyes, destitute of ll opportunity, nd shifting >u rters e9ery d y of her lifeG == 5esides, she h s solemnly promised7 -o == + c n't think the girl so b se == so insensible to the honour of her f mily7 == Ah t disturbs me chiefly, is the impression ;hich these occurrences seem to m ke upon her spirits == These re the symptoms from ;hich + conclude th t the r sc l h s still hold on her ffection, surely + h 9e right to c ll him r sc l, nd to conclude th t his designs re inf mous7 5ut it sh ll be my f ult if he does not one d y repent his presumption == + confess + c nnot think, much less ;rite on this subject, ;ith ny degree of temper or p tience< + sh ll therefore conclude ;ith telling you, th t ;e hope to be in A les by the l tter end of the month? but before th t period you ;ill prob bly he r g in from your ffection te @7 0E3.,1* ,ct7 87

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 of @esus college, ,xon7 *E!1 PH+33+PS, Ahen + ;rote you by l st post, + did not im gine + should be tempted to trouble you g in so soon? but + no; sit do;n ;ith he rt so full th t it c nnot cont in itself< though + m under such git tion of spirits, th t you re to expect neither method nor connexion in this ddress == Ae h 9e been this d y ;ithin h ir's bre dth of losing honest 0 tthe; 5r mble, in conse>uence of cursed ccident, ;hich + ;ill ende 9our to expl in7 == +n crossing the country to get into the post ro d, it ; s necess ry to ford ri9er, nd ;e th t ;ere =horseb ck p ssed ;ithout ny

d nger or difficulty< but gre t >u ntity of r in h 9ing f llen l st night nd this morning, there ; s such n ccumul tion of ; ter, th t mill=he d g 9e ; y, just s the co ch ; s p ssing under it, nd the flood rushed do;n ;ith such impetuosity, s first flo ted, nd then f irly o9erturned the c rri ge in the middle of the stre m == 3ism h go nd +, nd the t;o ser9 nts, lighting inst nt neously, r n into the ri9er to gi9e ll the ssist nce in our po;er7 == ,ur unt, 0rs T bith , ;ho h d the good fortune to be uppermost, ; s lre dy h lf ; y out of the co ch ;indo;, ;hen her lo9er ppro ching, diseng ged her entirely< but, ;hether his foot slipt, or the burthen ; s too gre t, they fell o9er he d nd e rs in e ch others' rms7 He ende 9oured more th n once to get up, nd e9en to disent ngle himself from her embr ce, but she hung bout his neck like mill=stone Eno b d emblem of m trimonyF, nd if my m n h d not pro9ed st nch uxili ry, those t;o lo9ers ;ould in ll prob bility h 9e gone h nd in h nd to the sh des belo; == .or my p rt, + ; s too much eng ged to t ke ny cogniD nce of their distress7 == + sn tched out my sister by the h ir of the he d, nd, dr gging her to the b nk, recollected th t my uncle h d, not yet ppe red == 1ushing g in into the stre m, + met Clinker h uling shore 0rs @enkins, ;ho looked like merm id ;ith her h ir dishe9elled bout her e rs< but, ;hen + sked if his m ster ; s s fe, he forth;ith shook her from him, nd she must h 9e gone to pot, if miller h d not se son bly come to her relief7 == !s for Humphry, he fle; like lightning, to the co ch, th t ; s by this time filled ;ith ; ter, nd, di9ing into it, brought up the poor 's>uire, to ll ppe r nce, depri9ed of life == +t is not in my po;er to describe ;h t + felt t this mel ncholy spect cle == it ; s such n gony s b ffles ll descriptionG The f ithful Clinker, t king him up in his rms, s if he h d been n inf nt of six months, c rried him shore, ho;ling most piteously ll the ; y, nd + follo;ed him in tr nsport of grief nd constern tion == Ahen he ; s l id upon the gr ss nd turned from side to side, gre t >u ntity of ; ter r n out t his mouth, then he opened his eyes, nd fetched deep sigh7 Clinker percei9ing these signs of life, immedi tely tied up his rm ;ith g rter, nd, pulling out horse=fle m, let him blood in the f rrier stile7 == !t first fe; drops only issued from the orifice, but the limb being ch fed, in little time the blood beg n to flo; in continued stre m, nd he uttered some incoherent ;ords, ;hich ;ere the most ;elcome sounds th t e9er s luted my e r7 There ; s country inn h rd by, the l ndlord of ;hich h d by this time come ;ith his people to gi9e their ssist nce7 == Thither my uncle being c rried, ; s undressed nd put to bed, ;r pped in ; rm bl nkets< but h 9ing been mo9ed too soon, he f inted ; y, nd once more l y ;ithout sense or motion, not;ithst nding ll the efforts of Clinker nd the l ndlord, ;ho b thed his temples ;ith Hung ry ; ter, nd held smelling=bottle to his nose7 !s + h d he rd of the effic cy of s lt in such c ses, + ordered ll th t ; s in the house to be l id under his

he d nd body< nd ;hether this pplic tion h d the desired effect, or n ture of herself pre9 iled, he, in less th n >u rter of n hour, beg n to bre the regul rly, nd soon retrie9ed his recollection, to the unspe k ble joy of ll the by=st nders7 !s for Clinker, his br in seemed to be ffected7 == He l ughed, nd ;ept, nd d nced bout in such distr cted m nner, th t the l ndlord 9ery judiciously con9eyed him out of the room7 0y uncle, seeing me dropping ;et, comprehended the ;hole of ;h t h d h ppened, nd sked if ll the comp ny ; s s feC == 5eing ns;ered in the ffirm ti9e, he insisted upon my putting on dry clothes< nd, h 9ing s; llo;ed little ; rm ;ine, desired he might be left to his repose7 5efore + ;ent to shift myself, + in>uired bout the rest of the f mily == + found 0rs T bith still delirious from her fright, disch rging 9ery copiously the ; ter she h d s; llo;ed7 She ; s supported by the c pt in, distilling drops from his uncurled peri;ig, so l nk nd so d nk, th t he looked like . ther Th mes ;ithout his sedges, embr cing +sis, ;hile she c sc ded in his urn7 0rs @enkins ; s present lso, in loose bed go;n, ;ithout either c p or h ndkerchief< but she seemed to be s little compos mentis s her mistress, nd cted so m ny cross purposes in the course of her ttend nce, th t, bet;een the t;o, 3ism h go h d occ sion for ll his philosophy7 !s for 3iddy, + thought the poor girl ;ould h 9e ctu lly lost her senses7 The good ;om n of the house h d shifted her linen, nd put her into bed< but she ; s seiDed ;ith the ide th t her uncle h d perished, nd in this persu sion m de dism l out=cry< nor did she p y the le st reg rd to ;h t + s id, ;hen + solemnly ssured her he ; s s fe7 0r 5r mble he ring the noise, nd being informed of her pprehension, desired she might be brought into his ch mber< nd she no sooner recei9ed this intim tion, th n she r n thither h lf n ked, ;ith the ;ildest expression of e gerness in her counten nce == Seeing the 's>uire sitting up in the bed, she sprung for; rds nd thro;ing her rms bout his neck, excl imed in most p thetic tone, '!re you == !re you indeed my uncle == 0y de r uncleG == 0y best friendG 0y f therG == !re you re lly li9ingC or is it n illusion of my poor br inG' Honest 0 tthe; ; s so much ffected, th t he could not help shedding te rs, ;hile he kissed her forehe d, s ying, '0y de r 3iddy, + hope + sh ll li9e long enough to she; ho; sensible + m of your ffection == 5ut your spirits re fluttered, child == 2ou ; nt rest == Go to bed nd compose yourself' == 'Aell, + ;ill Eshe repliedF but still methinks this c nnot be re l == The co ch ; s full of ; ter == 0y uncle ; s under us ll == Gr cious GodG == 2ou ; s under ; ter == Ho; did you get out< == tell me th tC or + sh ll think this is ll deception' == '+n ;h t m nner + ; s brought out, + kno; s little s you do, my de r Es id the 's>uireF< nd, truly, th t is circumst nce of ;hich + ; nt to be informed7' + ;ould h 9e gi9en him det il of the ;hole d9enture, but he ;ould not he r me until + should ch nge my clothes< so th t + h d only time to tell him, th t he o;ed his life to the cour ge nd fidelity of Clinker? nd h 9ing gi9en him this hint, + conducted my sister to her o;n ch mber7

This ccident h ppened bout three o'clock in the fternoon, nd in little more th n n hour the hurric ne ; s ll o9er< but s the c rri ge ; s found to be so much d m ged, th t it could not proceed ;ithout consider ble rep irs, bl cksmith nd ;heel;right ;ere immedi tely sent for to the next m rket=to;n, nd ;e congr tul ted oursel9es upon being housed t n inn, ;hich, though remote from the post=ro d, fforded exceeding good lodging7 The ;omen being pretty ;ell composed, nd the men ll =foot, my uncle sent for his ser9 nt, nd, in the presence of 3ism h go nd me, ccosted him in these ;ords == 'So, Clinker, + find you re resol9ed + sh n't die by ; ter == !s you h 9e fished me up from the bottom t your o;n ris>ue, you re t le st entitled to ll the money th t ; s in my pocket, nd there it is' == So s ying, he presented him ;ith purse cont ining thirty guine s, nd ring ne rly of the s me 9 lue == 'God forbidG Ecried ClinkerF, your honour sh ll excuse me == + m poor fello;, but + h 9e he rt ,G if your honour did but kno; ho; + rejoice to see == 5lessed be his holy n me, th t m de me the humble instrument == 5ut s for the lucre of g in, + renounce it == + h 9e done no more th n my duty == -o more th n + ;ould h 9e done for the most ;orthless of my fello;=cre tures == -o more th n + ;ould h 9e done for c pt in 3ism h go, or !rchy 0 c lpine, or ny sinner upon e rth == 5ut for your ;orship, + ;ould go through fire s ;ell s ; ter' == '+ do belie9e it, Humphry Es id the 's>uireF< but s you think it ; s your duty to s 9e my life t the h D rd of your o;n, + think it is mine to express the sense + h 9e of your extr ordin ry fidelity nd tt chment == + insist upon your recei9ing this sm ll token of my gr titude< but don't im gine th t + look upon this s n de>u te recompence for the ser9ice you h 9e done me == + h 9e determined to settle thirty pounds =ye r upon you for life< nd + desire these gentlemen ;ill be r ;itness to this my intention, of ;hich + h 9e memor ndum in my pocketbook7' '3ord m ke me th nkful for ll these merciesG Ecried Clinker, sobbingF, + h 9e been poor b nkrupt from the beginning == your honour's goodness found me, ;hen + ; s == n ked ;hen + ; s == sick nd forlorn == + underst nd your honour's looks == + ;ould not gi9e offence == but my he rt is 9ery full == nd if your ;orship ;on't gi9e me le 9e to spe k, == + must 9ent it in pr yers to he 9en for my benef ctor7' Ahen he >uitted the room, 3ism h go s id, he should h 9e much better opinion of his honesty, if he did not ;hine nd c nt so bomin bly< but th t he h d l; ys obser9ed those ;eeping nd pr ying fello;s ;ere hypocrites t bottom7 0r 5r mble m de no reply to this s rc stic rem rk, proceeding from the lieuten nt's resentment of Clinker h 9ing, in pure simplicity of he rt, r nked him ;ith 0'!lpine nd the sinners of the e rth == The l ndlord being c lled to recei9e some orders bout the beds, told the 's>uire th t his house ; s 9ery much t his ser9ice, but he ; s sure he should not h 9e the honour to lodge him nd his comp ny7 He g 9e us to underst nd th t his m ster ;ho li9ed h rd by, ;ould not suffer us to be t

public house, ;hen there ; s ccommod tion for us t his o;n< nd th t, if he h d not dined bro d in the neighbourhood he ;ould h 9e undoubtedly come to offer his ser9ices t our first rri9 l7 He then l unched out in pr ise of th t gentlem n, ;hom he h d ser9ed s butler, representing him s perfect mir cle of goodness nd generosity7 He s id he ; s person of gre t le rning, nd llo;ed to be the best f rmer in the country? == th t he h d l dy ;ho ; s s much belo9ed s himself, nd n only son, 9ery hopeful young gentlem n, just reco9ered from d ngerous fe9er, ;hich h d like to h 9e pro9ed f t l to the ;hole f mily< for, if the son h d died, he ; s sure the p rents ;ould not h 9e sur9i9ed their loss == He h d not yet finished the encomium of 0r *ennison, ;hen this gentlem n rri9ed in post=ch ise, nd his ppe r nce seemed to justify ll th t h d been s id in his f 9our7 He is pretty ;ell d9 nced in ye rs, but h le, robust, nd florid, ;ith n ingenuous counten nce, expressi9e of good sense nd hum nity7 H 9ing condoled ;ith us on the ccident ;hich h d h ppened, he s id he ; s come to conduct us to his h bit tion, ;here ;e should be less incommoded th n t such p ultry inn, nd expressed his hope th t the l dies ;ould not be the ;orse for going thither in his c rri ge, s the dist nce ; s not bo9e >u rter of mile7 0y uncle h 9ing m de proper return to this courteous exhibition, eyed him ttenti9ely, nd then sked if he h d not been t ,xford, commoner of Jueen's collegeC Ahen 0r *ennison ns;ered, '2es,' ;ith some m rks of surprise == '3ook t me then Es id our s>uireF nd let us see if you c n recollect the fe tures of n old friend, ;hom you h 9e not seen these forty ye rs7' == The gentlem n, t king him by the h nd, nd g Ding t him e rnestly, == '+ protest Ecried heF, + do think + rec ll the ide of 0 tthe; 3oyd of Gl morg nshire, ;ho ; s student of @esus7' 'Aell remembered, my de r friend, Ch rles *ennison Eexcl imed my uncle, pressing him to his bre stF, + m th t 9ery identic l 0 tthe; 3oyd of Gl morg n7' Clinker, ;ho h d just entered the room ;ith some co ls for the fire, no sooner he rd these ;ords, th n thro;ing do;n the scuttle on the toes of 3ism h go, he beg n to c per s if he ; s m d, crying == '0 tthe; 3oyd of Gl morg nG == , Pro9idenceG == 0 tthe; 3oyd of Gl morg nG' == Then, cl sping my uncle's knees, he ;ent on in this m nner == '2our ;orship must forgi9e me == 0 tthe; 3oyd of Gl morg nG == , 3ord, SirG + c n't cont in myselfG == + sh ll lose my senses' == '- y, thou h st lost them lre dy, + belie9e Es id the 's>uire, pee9ishlyF, prithee, Clinker, be >uiet == Ah t is the m tterC' == Humphry, fumbling in his bosom, pulled out n old ;ooden snuff=box, ;hich he presented in gre t trepid tion to his m ster, ;ho, opening it immedi tely, percei9ed sm ll corneli n se l, nd t;o scr ps of p per == !t sight of these rticles he st rted, nd ch nged colour, nd c sting his eye upon the inscriptions == 'H G == ho;G == ;h tG ;here Ecried heF is the person here n medC' Clinker, knocking his o;n bre st, could h rdly pronounce these ;ords == 'Here == here == here is 0 tthe; 3oyd, s the certific te she;eth == Humphry Clinker ; s the

n me of the f rrier th t took me 'prentice' == '!nd ;ho g 9e you these tokensC' s id my uncle h stily == '0y poor mother on her de th=bed' == replied the other == '!nd ;ho ; s your motherC' '*orothy T;yford, n ple se your honour, heretofore b r=keeper t the !ngel t Chippenh m7' == '!nd ;hy ;ere not these tokens produced beforeC' '0y mother told me she h d ;rote to Gl morg nshire, t the time of my birth, but h d no ns;er< nd th t fter; rds, ;hen she m de en>uiry, there ; s no such person in th t county7' '!nd so in conse>uence of my ch nging my n me nd going bro d t th t 9ery time, thy poor mother nd thou h 9e been left to ; nt nd misery == + m re lly shocked t the conse>uence of my o;n folly7' == Then, l ying his h nd on Clinker's he d, he dded, 'St nd forth, 0 tthe; 3oyd == 2ou see, gentlemen, ho; the sins of my youth rise up in judgment g inst me == Here is my direction ;ritten ;ith my o;n h nd, nd se l ;hich + left t the ;om n's re>uest< nd this is certific te of the child's b ptism, signed by the cur te of the p rish7' The comp ny ;ere not little surprised t this disco9ery, upon ;hich 0r *ennison f cetiously congr tul ted both the f ther nd the son? for my p rt, + shook my ne;=found cousin he rtily by the h nd, nd 3ism h go complimented him ;ith the te rs in his eyes, for he h d been hopping bout the room, s;e ring in bro d Scotch, nd bello;ing ;ith the p in occ sioned by the f ll of the co lscuttle upon his foot7 He h d e9en 9o;ed to dri9e the s ul out of the body of th t m d r sc l? but, percei9ing the unexpected turn ;hich things h d t ken, he ;ished him joy of his good fortune, obser9ing th t it ;ent 9ery ne r his he rt, s he ; s like to be gre t toe out of pocket by the disco9ery == 0r *ennison no; desired to kno; for ;h t re son my uncle h d ch nged the n me by ;hich he kne; him t ,xford, nd our 's>uire s tisfied him, by ns;ering to this effect == '+ took my mother's n me, ;hich ; s 3oyd, s heir to her l nds in Gl morg nshire< but ;hen + c me of ge, + sold th t property, in order to cle r my p tern l est te, nd resumed my re l n me< so th t + m no; 0 tthe; 5r mble of 5r mbleton=h ll in 0onmouthshire, t your ser9ice< nd this is my nephe;, @eremy 0elford of 5elfield, in the county of Gl morg n7' !t th t inst nt the l dies entering the room, he presented 0rs T bith s his sister, nd 3iddy s his niece7 The old gentlem n s luted them 9ery cordi lly, nd seemed struck ;ith the ppe r nce of my sister, ;hom he could not help sur9eying ;ith mixture of compl cency nd surpriDe == 'Sister Es id my uncleF, there is poor rel tion th t recommends himself to your good gr ces == The >uond m Humphry Clinker is met morphosed into 0 tthe; 3oyd< nd cl ims the honour of being your c rn l kinsm n == in short, the rogue pro9es to be cr b of my o;n pl nting in the d ys of hot blood nd unrestr ined libertinism7' Clinker h d by this time dropt upon one knee, by the side of 0rs T bith , ;ho, eyeing him sk nce, nd flirting her f n ;ith m rks of git tion, thought proper, fter some conflict, to hold out her h nd for him to kiss, s ying, ;ith demure spect, '5rother, you h 9e been 9ery

;icked? but + hope you'll li9e to see the folly of your ; ys == + m 9ery sorry to s y the young m n, ;hom you h 9e this d y ckno;ledged, h s more gr ce nd religion, by the gift of God, th n you ;ith ll your prof ne le rning, nd repe ted opportunity == + do think he h s got the trick of the eye, nd the tip of the nose of my uncle 3oyd of .lluyd;ellyn< nd s for the long chin, it is the 9ery mor l of the go9ernor's == 5rother, s you h 9e ch nged his n me pr y ch nge his dress lso< th t li9ery doth not become ny person th t h th got our blood in his 9eins7' == 3iddy seemed much ple sed ;ith this c>uisition to the f mily7 == She took him by the h nd, decl ring she should l; ys be proud to o;n her connexion ;ith 9irtuous young m n, ;ho h d gi9en so m ny proofs of his gr titude nd ffection to her uncle7 == 0rs7 Ainifred @enkins, extremely fluttered bet;een her surpriDe t this disco9ery, nd the pprehension of losing her s;eet=he rt, excl imed in giggling tone, == '+ ;ish you joy 0r Clinker == .loyd == + ;ould s y == hi, hi, hiG == you'll be so proud you ;on't look t your poor fello; ser9 nts, oh, oh, ohG' Honest Clinker o;ned he ; s o9erjoyed t his good fortune, ;hich ; s gre ter th n he deser9ed == '5ut ;herefore should + be proudC Es id heF poor object concei9ed in sin, nd brought forth in ini>uity, nursed in p rish ;orkhouse, nd bred in smithy7 Ahene9er + seem proud, 0rs @enkins, + beg of you to put me in mind of the condition + ; s in, ;hen + first s ; you bet;een Chippenh m nd 0 rlborough7' Ahen this momentous ff ir ; s discussed to the s tisf ction of ll p rties concerned, the ;e ther being dry, the l dies declined the c rri ge< so th t ;e ; lked ll together to 0r *ennison's house, ;here ;e found the te re dy prep red by his l dy, n mi ble m tron, ;ho recei9ed us ;ith ll the bene9olence of hospit lity7 The house is old f shioned nd irregul r, but lodge ble nd commodious7 To the south it h s the ri9er in front, t the dist nce of hundred p ces< nd on the north, there is rising ground co9ered ;ith n gree ble pl nt tion< the greens nd ; lks re kept in the nicest order, nd ll is rur l nd rom ntic7 + h 9e not yet seen the young gentlem n, ;ho is on 9isit to friend in the neighbourhood, from ;hose house he is not expected 'till to=morro;7 +n the me n time, s there is m n going to the next m rket to;n ;ith letters for the post, + t ke this opportunity to send you the history of this d y, ;hich h s been rem rk bly full of d9entures< nd you ;ill o;n + gi9e you them like beef=ste k t *olly's, hot nd hot, ;ithout ceremony nd p r de, just s they come from the recollection of 2ours, @7 0E3.,1*

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *+C4, Since the l st trouble + g 9e you, + h 9e met ;ith 9 riety of incidents, some of them of singul r n ture, ;hich + reser9e s fund for con9ers tion< but there re others so interesting, th t they ;ill not keep in petto till meeting7 4no; then, it ; s thous nd pounds to sixpence, th t you should no; be executing my ;ill, inste d of perusing my letterG T;o d ys go, our co ch ; s o9erturned in the midst of r pid ri9er, ;here my life ; s s 9ed ;ith the utmost difficulty, by the cour ge, cti9ity, nd presence of mind of my ser9 nt Humphry Clinker == 5ut this is not the most surprising circumst nce of the d9enture == The s id Humphry Clinker pro9es to be 0 tthe; 3oyd, n tur l son of one 0 tthe; 3oyd of Gl morg n, if you kno; ny such person == 2ou see, *octor, th t not;ithst nding ll your philosophy, it is not ;ithout some re son th t the Aelchmen scribe such energy to the force of blood == 5ut ;e sh ll discuss this point on some future occ sion7 This is not the only disco9ery ;hich + m de in conse>uence of our dis ster == Ae h ppened to be ;recked upon friendly shore == The lord of the m nor is no other th n Ch rles *ennison, our fello;=r ke t ,xford == Ae re no; h ppily housed ;ith th t gentlem n, ;ho h s re lly tt ined to th t pitch of rur l felicity, t ;hich + h 9e been spiring these t;enty ye rs in 9 in7 He is blessed ;ith consort, ;hose disposition is suited to his o;n in ll respects< tender, generous, nd bene9olent == She, moreo9er, possesses n uncommon sh re of underst nding, fortitude, nd discretion, nd is dmir bly >u lified to be his comp nion, confid nt, counsellor, nd co djutrix7 These excellent persons h 9e n only son, bout nineteen ye rs of ge, just such youth s they could h 9e ;ished th t He 9en ;ould besto; to fill up the me sure of their enjoyment == +n ;ord, they kno; no other ll y to their h ppiness, but their pprehension nd nxiety bout the life nd concerns of this belo9ed object7 ,ur old friend, ;ho h d the misfortune to be second brother, ; s bred to the l ;, nd e9en c lled to the b r< but he did not find himself >u lified to shine in th t pro9ince, nd h d 9ery little inclin tion for his profession == He disobliged his f ther, by m rrying for lo9e, ;ithout ny consider tion of fortune< so th t he h d little or nothing to depend upon for some ye rs but his pr ctice, ;hich fforded him b re subsistence< nd the prospect of n incre sing f mily, beg n to gi9e him disturb nce nd dis>uiet7 +n the me n time, his f ther dying, ; s succeeded by his elder brother, fox=hunter nd sot, ;ho neglected his

ff irs, insulted nd oppressed his ser9 nts, nd in fe; ye rs h d ;ell nigh ruined the est te, ;hen he ; s h ppily c rried off by fe9er, the immedi te conse>uence of deb uch7 Ch rles, ;ith the pprob tion of his ;ife, immedi tely determined to >uit business, nd retire into the country, lthough this resolution ; s strenuously nd De lously opposed by e9ery indi9idu l, ;hom he consulted on the subject7 Those ;ho h d tried the experiment, ssured him th t he could not pretend to bre the in the country for less th n the double of ;h t his est te produced< th t, in order to be upon the footing of gentlem n, he ;ould be obliged to keep horses, hounds, c rri ges, ;ith suit ble number of ser9 nts, nd m int in n eleg nt t ble for the entert inment of his neighbours< th t f rming ; s mystery, kno;n only to those ;ho h d been bred up to it from the cr dle, the success of it depending not only upon skill nd industry, but lso upon such ttention nd oeconomy s no gentlem n could be supposed to gi9e or pr ctise< ccordingly, e9ery ttempt m de by gentlemen misc rried, nd not fe; h d been ruined by their prosecution of griculture == - y, they ffirmed th t he ;ould find it che per to buy h y nd o ts for his c ttle, nd to go to m rket for poultry, eggs, kitchen herbs, nd roots, nd e9ery the most inconsider ble rticle of house=keeping, th n to h 9e those rticles produced on his o;n ground7 These objections did not deter 0r *ennison, bec use they ;ere chiefly founded on the supposition, th t he ;ould be obliged to le d life of extr 9 g nce nd dissip tion, ;hich he nd his consort e>u lly detested, despised, nd determined to 9oid == The objects he h d in 9ie;, ;ere he lth of body, pe ce of mind, nd the pri9 te s tisf ction of domestic >uiet, un ll yed by ctu l ; nt, nd uninterrupted by the fe rs of indigence == He ; s 9ery moder te in his estim te of the necess ries, nd e9en of the comforts of life == He re>uired nothing but ;holesome ir, pure ; ter, gree ble exercise, pl in diet, con9enient lodging, nd decent pp rel7 He reflected, th t if pe s nt ;ithout educ tion, or ny gre t sh re of n tur l s g city, could m int in l rge f mily, nd e9en become opulent upon f rm, for ;hich he p yed n nnu l rent of t;o or three hundred pounds to the l ndlord, surely he himself might hope for some success from his industry, h 9ing no rent to p y, but, on the contr ry, three or four hundred pounds ye r to recei9e7 He considered, th t the e rth ; s n indulgent mother, th t yielded her fruits to ll her children ;ithout distinction7 He h d studied the theory of griculture ;ith degree of e gerness nd delight< nd he could not concei9e there ; s ny mystery in the pr ctice, but ;h t he should be ble to disclose by dint of c re nd pplic tion7 Aith respect to houshold expence, he entered into minute det il nd in9estig tion, by ;hich he percei9ed the ssertions of his friends ;ere ltogether erroneous == He found he should s 9e sixty pounds ye r in the single rticle of house=rent, nd s much more in pocket=money nd contingencies< th t e9en butcher's=me t

; s t;enty per cent che per in the country th n in 3ondon< but th t poultry, nd lmost e9ery other circumst nce of house=keeping, might be h d for less th n one=h lf of ;h t they cost in to;n< besides, consider ble s 9ing on the side of dress, in being deli9ered from the oppressi9e imposition of ridiculous modes, in9ented by ignor nce, nd dopted by folly7 !s to the d nger of 9ying ;ith the rich in pomp nd e>uip ge, it ne9er g 9e him the le st disturb nce7 He ; s no; turned of forty, nd, h 9ing li9ed h lf th t time in the busy scenes of life, ; s ;ell skilled in the science of m nkind7 There c nnot be in n ture more contemptible figure th n th t of m n, ;ho, ;ith fi9e hundred ye r, presumes to ri9 l in expence neighbour ;ho possesses fi9e times th t income == His ostent tion, f r from conce ling, ser9es only to disco9er his indigence, nd render his 9 nity the more shocking< for it ttr cts the eyes of censure, nd excites the spirit of in>uiry7 There is not f mily in the county nor ser9 nt in his o;n house, nor f rmer in the p rish, but ;h t kno;s the utmost f rthing th t his l nds produce, nd ll these behold him ;ith scorn or comp ssion7 + m surprised th t these reflections do not occur to persons in this unh ppy dilemm , nd produce s lut ry effect< but the truth is, of ll the p ssions incident to hum n n ture, 9 nity is th t ;hich most effectu lly per9erts the f culties of the underst nding< n y, it sometimes becomes so incredibly depr 9ed, s to spire t inf my, nd find ple sure in be ring the stigm s of repro ch7 + h 9e no; gi9en you sketch of the ch r cter nd situ tion of 0r *ennison, ;hen he c me do;n to t ke possession of this est te< but s the messenger, ;ho c rries the letters to the next to;n, is just setting off, + sh ll reser9e ;h t further + h 9e to s y on this subject, till the next post, ;hen you sh ll cert inly he r from 2ours l; ys, 0!TT7 51!053E ,ct7 I7

To *r 3EA+S7 ,nce more, de r doctor, + resume the pen for your musement7 +t ; s on the morning fter our rri9 l th t, ; lking out ;ith my friend, 0r *ennison, + could not help bre king forth into the ; rmest expressions of ppl use t the be uty of the scene, ;hich is re lly inch nting< nd + signified, in p rticul r, ho; much + ; s ple sed ;ith the disposition of some det ched gro9es, th t fforded t once shelter nd orn ment to his h bit tion7

'Ahen + took possession of these l nds, bout t;o nd t;enty ye rs go Es id heF, there ; s not tree st nding ;ithin mile of the house, except those of n old neglected orch rd, ;hich produced nothing but le 9es nd moss7 == +t ; s in the gloomy month of -o9ember, ;hen + rri9ed, nd found the house in such condition, th t it might h 9e been justly stiled the to;er of desol tion7 == The court=y rd ; s co9ered ;ith nettles nd docks , nd the g rden exhibited such r nk pl nt tion of ;eeds s + h d ne9er seen before< == the ;indo;=shutters ;ere f lling in pieces, == the s shes broken< == nd o;ls nd j ck=d ;s h d t ken possession of the chimnies7 == The prospect ;ithin ; s still more dre ry == !ll ; s d rk, nd d mp, nd dirty beyond description< == the r in penetr ted in se9er l p rts of the roof< == in some p rtments the 9ery floors h d gi9en ; y< == the h ngings ;ere p rted from the ; lls, nd sh king in mouldy remn nts< the gl sses ;ere dropping out of their fr mes< == the f mily=pictures ;ere co9ered ;ith dust7 nd ll the ch irs nd t bles ;orm=e ten nd cr Dy7 == There ; s not bed in the house th t could be used, except one old=f shioned m chine, ;ith high gilt tester nd fringed curt ins of yello; moh ir, ;hich h d been, for ught + kno;, t;o centuries in the f mily7 == +n short, there ; s no furniture but the utensils of the kitchen< nd the cell r fforded nothing but fe; empty butts nd b rrels, th t stunk so bomin bly, th t + ;ould not suffer ny body to enter it until + h d fl shed consider ble >u ntity of gunpo;der to >u lify the foul ir ;ithin7 '!n old cott ger nd his ;ife, ;ho ;ere hired to lie in the house, h d left it ;ith precipit tion, lledging, mong other c uses of retre t, th t they could not sleep for frightful noises, nd th t my poor brother cert inly ; lked fter his de th7 == +n ;ord, the house ppe red uninh bit ble< the b rn, st ble, nd outhouses ;ere in ruins< ll the fences broken do;n, nd the fields lying ; ste7 'The f rmer ;ho kept the key ne9er dre med + h d ny intention to li9e upon the spot == He rented f rm of sixty pounds, nd his le se ; s just expiring7 == He h d formed scheme of being ppointed b iliff to the est te, nd of con9erting the house nd the dj cent grounds to his o;n use7 ==! hint of his intention + recei9ed from the cur te t my first rri9 l< + therefore did not p y much reg rd to ;h t he s id by ; y of discour ging me from coming to settle in the country< but + ; s little st rtled ;hen he g 9e me ; rning th t he should >uit the f rm t the expir tion of his le se, unless + could b te consider bly in the rent7 '!t this period + ccident lly bec me c>u inted ;ith person, ;hose friendship l id the found tion of ll my prosperity7 +n the next m rket=to;n + ch nced to dine t n inn ;ith 0r Ailson, ;ho ; s l tely come to settle in the neighbourhood7 == He h d been

lieuten nt of m n of ; r, but >uitted the se in some disgust, nd m rried the only d ughter of f rmer 5l nd, ;ho li9es in this p rish, nd h s c>uired good fortune in the ; y of husb ndry7 == Ailson is one of the best n tured men + e9er kne;< br 9e, fr nk, obliging, nd ingenuous == He liked my con9ers tion, + ; s ch rmed ;ith his liber l m nner< nd c>u int nce immedi tely commenced, nd this ; s soon impro9ed into friendship ;ithout reser9e7 == There re ch r cters ;hich, like simil r p rticles of m tter, strongly ttr ct e ch other7 == He forth;ith introduced me to his f ther=in=l ;, f rmer 5l nd, ;ho ; s ;ell c>u inted ;ith e9ery cre of my est te, of conse>uence ;ell >u lified to d9ise me on this occ sion7 == .inding + ; s inclined to embr ce country life, nd e9en to muse myself ;ith the occup tion of f rming, he ppro9ed of my design == He g 9e me to underst nd th t ll my f rms ;ere underlett< th t the est te ; s c p ble of gre t impro9ement< th t there ; s plenty of ch lk in the neighbourhood< nd th t my o;n ground produced excellent m rle for m nure7 == Aith respect to the f rm, ;hich ; s like to f ll into my h nds, he s id he ;ould ;illingly t ke it t the present rent< but t the s me time o;ned, th t if + ;ould expend t;o hundred pounds in enclosure, it ;ould be ;orth more th n double the sum7 'Thus encour ged, + beg n the execution of my scheme ;ithout further del y, nd plunged into se of expence, though + h d no fund in reser9e, nd the ;hole produce of the est te did not exceed three hundred pounds ye r == +n one ;eek, my house ; s m de ;e ther=tight, nd thoroughly cle nsed from top to bottom< then it ; s ;ell 9entil ted by thro;ing ll the doors nd ;indo;s open, nd m king bl Ding fires of ;ood in e9ery chimney from the kitchen to the g rrets7 The floors ;ere rep ired, the s shes ne; gl Ded, nd out of the old furniture of the ;hole house, + m de shift to fit up p rlour nd three ch mbers in pl in yet decent m nner7 == The court=y rd ; s cle red of ;eeds nd rubbish, nd my friend Ailson ch rged himself ;ith the dressing of the g rden< brickl yers ;ere set t ;ork upon the b rn nd st ble< nd l bourers eng ged to restore the fences, nd begin the ;ork of hedging nd ditching, under the direction of f rmer 5l nd, t ;hose recommend tion + hired c reful hind to lie in the house, nd keep const nt fires in the p rtments7 'H 9ing t ken these me sures, + returned to 3ondon, ;here + forth;ith sold off my household=furniture, nd, in three ;eeks from my first 9isit, brought my ;ife hither to keep her Christm s7 == Considering the gloomy se son of the ye r, the dre riness of the pl ce, nd the dec yed spect of our h bit tion, + ; s fr id th t her resolution ;ould sink under the sudden tr nsition from to;n life to such mel ncholy st te of rustic tion< but + ; s gree bly dis ppointed7 == She found the re lity less uncomfort ble th n the picture + h d dr ;n7 == 5y this time indeed, things ;ere mended in ppe r nce == The out=houses h d risen out of their ruins< the pigeon=house ; s rebuilt, nd

replenished by Ailson, ;ho lso put my g rden in decent order, nd pro9ided good stock of poultry, ;hich m de n gree ble figure in my y rd< nd the house, on the ;hole, looked like the h bit tion of hum n cre tures7 == . rmer 5l nd sp red me milch co; for my f mily, nd n ordin ry s ddle=horse for my ser9 nt to go to m rket t the next to;n7 == + hired country l d for footm n, the hind's d ughter ; s my house=m id, nd my ;ife h d brought cook=m id from 3ondon7 'Such ; s my f mily ;hen + beg n house=keeping in this pl ce, ;ith three hundred pounds in my pocket, r ised from the s le of my superfluous furniture7 == + kne; ;e should find occup tion enough through the d y to employ our time< but + dre ded the long ;inter e9enings< yet, for those too ;e found remedy? The cur te, ;ho ; s single m n, soon bec me so n tur liDed to the f mily, th t he gener lly l y in the house< nd his comp ny ; s e>u lly gree ble nd useful7 He ; s modest m n, good schol r, nd perfectly ;ell >u lified to instruct me in such country m tters s + ; nted to kno;7 == 0r Ailson brought his ;ife to see us, nd she bec me so fond of 0rs *ennison, th t she s id she ; s ne9er so h ppy s ;hen she enjoyed the benefit of her con9ers tion7 == She ; s then fine buxom country l ss, exceedingly docile, nd s good=n tured s her husb nd @ ck Ailson< so th t friendship ensued mong the ;omen, ;hich h th continued to this d y7 '!s for @ ck, he h th been my const nt comp nion, counsellor, nd commiss ry7 == + ;ould not for hundred pounds you should le 9e my house ;ithout seeing him7 == @ ck is n uni9ers l genius == his t lents re re lly stonishing? == He is n excellent c rpenter, joiner, nd turner, nd cunning rtist in iron nd br ss7 == He not only superintended my oeconomy, but lso presided o9er my p stimes == He t ught me to bre; beer, to m ke cyder, perry, me d, us>ueb ugh, nd pl gue=; ter< to cook se9er l outl ndish delic cies, such s oll s, pepper=pots, pill ;s, corys, ch bobs, nd stuf t s7 == He underst nds ll m nner of g mes from chess do;n to chuck=f rthing, sings good song, pl ys upon the 9iolin, nd d nces hornpipe ;ith surprising gility7 == He nd + ; lked, nd rode, nd hunted, nd fished together, ;ithout minding the 9icissitudes of the ;e ther< nd + m persu ded, th t in r ;, moist clim te, like this of Engl nd, continu l exercise is s necess ry s food to the preser9 tion of the indi9idu l7 == +n the course of t;o nd t;enty ye rs, there h s not been one hour's interruption or b tement in the friendship subsisting bet;een Ailson's f mily nd mine< nd, ;h t is r re inst nce of good fortune, th t friendship is continued to our children7 == His son nd mine re ne rly of the s me ge nd the s me disposition< they h 9e been bred up together t the s me school nd college, nd lo9e e ch other ;ith the ; rmest ffection7 '5y Ailson's me ns, + like;ise formed n c>u int nce ;ith

sensible physici n, ;ho li9es in the next m rket=to;n< nd his sister, n gree ble old m iden, p ssed the Christm s holid ys t our house7 0e n ;hile + beg n my f rming ;ith gre t e gerness, nd th t 9ery ;inter pl nted these gro9es th t ple se you so much7 == !s for the neighbouring gentry, + h d no trouble from th t >u rter during my first c mp ign< they ;ere ll gone to to;n before + settled in the country< nd by the summer + h d t ken me sures to defend myself from their tt cks7 == Ahen g y e>uip ge c me to my g tes, + ; s ne9er t home< those ;ho 9isited me in modest ; y, + recei9ed< nd ccording to the rem rks + m de on their ch r cters nd con9ers tion, either rejected their d9 nces, or returned their ci9ility == + ; s in gener l despised mong the f shion ble comp ny, s lo; fello;, both in breeding nd circumst nces< ne9ertheless, + found fe; indi9idu ls of moder te fortune, ;ho gl dly dopted my stile of li9ing< nd m ny others ;ould h 9e cceded to our society, h d they not been pre9ented by the pride, en9y, nd mbition of their ;i9es nd d ughters7 == Those, in times of luxury nd dissip tion, re the rocks upon ;hich ll the sm ll est tes in the country re ;recked7 '+ reser9ed in my o;n h nds, some cres of ground dj cent to the house, for m king experiments in griculture, ccording to the directions of 3yle, Tull, H rt, *uh mel, nd others ;ho h 9e ;ritten on this subject< nd >u lified their theory ;ith the pr ctic l obser9 tions of f rmer 5l nd, ;ho ; s my gre t m ster in the rt of husb ndry7 == +n short, + bec me en moured of country life< nd my success gre tly exceeded my expect tion == + dr ined bogs, burned he th, grubbed up furDe nd fern< + pl nted copse nd ;illo;s ;here nothing else ;ould gro;< + gr du lly inclosed ll my f rms, nd m de such impro9ements th t my est te no; yields me cle r t;el9e hundred pounds ye r == !ll this time my ;ife nd + h 9e enjoyed uninterrupted he lth, nd regul r flo; of spirits, except on 9ery fe; occ sions, ;hen our cheerfulness ; s in9 ded by such ccidents s re insep r ble from the condition of life7 + lost t;o children in their inf ncy, by the sm ll=pox, so th t + h 9e one son only, in ;hom ll our hopes re centered7 == He ;ent yesterd y to 9isit friend, ;ith ;hom he h s st yed ll night, but he ;ill be here to dinner7 == + sh ll this d y h 9e the ple sure of presenting him to you nd your f mily< nd + fl tter myself you ;ill find him not ltogether un;orthy of our ffection7 'The truth is, either + m blinded by the p rti lity of p rent, or he is boy of 9ery mi ble ch r cter< nd yet his conduct h s gi9en us unspe k ble dis>uiet7 == 2ou must kno;, ;e h d projected m tch bet;een him nd gentlem n's d ughter in the next county, ;ho ;ill in ll prob bility be heiress of consider ble fortune< but, it seems, he h d person l disgust to the lli nce7 He ; s then t C mbridge, nd tried to g in time on 9 rious pretences< but being pressed in letters by his mother nd me to

gi9e definiti9e ns;er, he f irly g 9e his tutor the slip, nd dis ppe red bout eight months go7 == 5efore he took this r sh step, he ;rote me letter, expl ining his objections to the m tch, nd decl ring, th t he ;ould keep himself conce led until he should underst nd th t his p rents ;ould dispense ;ith his contr cting n eng gement th t must m ke him miser ble for life, nd he prescribed the form of d9ertising in cert in ne;sp per, by ;hich he might be ppriDed of our sentiments on this subject7 '2ou m y e sily concei9e ho; much ;e ;ere l rmed nd fflicted by this elopement, ;hich he h d m de ;ithout dropping the le st hint to his comp nion Ch rles Ailson, ;ho belonged to the s me college7 == Ae resol9ed to punish him ;ith the ppe r nce of neglect, in hopes th t he ;ould return of his o;n ccord< but he m int ined his purpose till the young l dy chose p rtner for herself< then he produced himself, nd m de his pe ce by the medi tion of Ailson7 == Suppose ;e should unite our f milies by joining him ;ith your niece, ;ho is one of the most lo9ely cre tures + e9er beheld7 == 0y ;ife is lre dy s fond of her s if she ;ere her o;n child, nd + h 9e presentiment th t my son ;ill be c pti9 ted by her t first sight7' '-othing could be more gree ble to ll our f mily Es id +F th n such n lli nce< but, my de r friend, c ndour obliges me to tell you, th t + m fr id 3iddy's he rt is not ;holly diseng ged == there is cursed obst cle' == '2ou me n the young stroller t Gloucester Es id heF == 2ou re surprised th t + should kno; this circumst nce< but you ;ill be more surprised ;hen + tell you th t stroller is no other th n my son George *ennison == Th t ; s the ch r cter he ssumed in his eclipse7' '+ m, indeed, stonished nd o9erjoyed Ecried +F, nd sh ll be h ppy beyond expression to see your propos l t ke effect7' He then g 9e me to underst nd th t the young gentlem n, t his emerging from conce lment, h d disclosed his p ssion for 0iss 0elford, the niece of 0r 5r mble, of 0onmouthshire7 Though 0r *ennison little dre med th t this ; s his old friend 0 tthe; 3oyd, he ne9ertheless furnished his son ;ith proper credenti ls, nd he h d been t 5 th, 3ondon, nd m ny other pl ces in >uest of us, to m ke himself nd his pretensions kno;n7 The b d success of his en>uiry h d such n effect upon his spirits, th t immedi tely t his return he ; s seiDed ;ith d ngerous fe9er, ;hich o9er;helmed his p rents ;ith terror nd ffliction< but he ; s no; h ppily reco9ered, though still ;e k nd disconsol te7 0y nephe; joining us in our ; lk, + informed him of these circumst nces, ;ith ;hich he ; s ;onderfully ple sed7 He decl red he ;ould promote the m tch to the utmost of his po;er, nd th t he longed to embr ce young 0r *ennison s his friend nd brother7 == 0e n ;hile, the f ther ;ent to desire his ;ife to communic te this disco9ery gr du lly to 3iddy, th t her delic te ner9es might not suffer too sudden shock< nd +

imp rted the p rticul rs to my sister T bby, ;ho expressed some surpriDe, not ltogether unmixed, + belie9e, ;ith n emotion of en9y< for, though she could h 9e no objection to n lli nce t once so honour ble nd d9 nt geous, she hesit ted in gi9ing her consent on pretence of the youth nd inexperience of the p rties? t length, ho;e9er, she c>uiesced, in conse>uence of h 9ing consulted ;ith c pt in 3ism h go7 0r *ennison took c re to be in the ; y ;hen his son rri9ed t the g te, nd, ;ithout gi9ing him time or opportunity to m ke ny en>uiry bout the str ngers, brought him up st irs to be presented to 0r 3oyd nd his f mily == The first person he s ; ;hen he entered the room, ; s 3iddy, ;ho, not;ithst nding ll her prep r tion, stood trembling in the utmost confusion == !t sight of this object he ; s fixed motionless to the floor, nd, g Ding t her ;ith the utmost e gerness of stonishment, excl imed, 'S cred he 9enG ;h t is thisG == h G ;herefore ==' Here his speech f iling, he stood str ining his eyes, in the most emph tic silence 'George Es id his f therF, this is my friend 0r 3oyd7' 1oused t this intim tion, he turned nd recei9ed my s lute, ;hen + s id, '2oung gentlem n, if you h d trusted me ;ith your secret t our l st meeting, ;e should h 9e p rted upon better terms7' 5efore he could m ke ny ns;er, @ery c me round nd stood before him ;ith open rms7 == !t first, he st rted nd ch nged colour< but fter short p use, he rushed into his embr ce, nd they hugged one nother s if they h d been intim te friends from their inf ncy? then he p yed his respects to 0rs T bith , nd d9 ncing to 3iddy, '+s it possible, Ecried heF, th t my senses do not pl y me f lseG th t + see 0iss 0elford under my f ther's roof == th t + m permitted to spe k to her ;ithout gi9ing offence == nd th t her rel tions h 9e honoured me ;ith their counten nce nd protection7' 3iddy blushed, nd trembled, nd f ltered == 'To be sure, sir Es id sheF, it is 9ery surprising circumst nce == gre t == pro9identi l = =+ re lly kno; not ;h t + s y == but + beg you ;ill think + h 9e s id ;h t's gree ble7' 0rs *ennison interposing s id, 'Compose yoursel9es, my de r children7 == 2our mutu l h ppiness sh ll be our peculi r c re7' The son going up to his mother, kissed one h nd< my niece b thed the other ;ith her te rs< nd the good old l dy pressed them both in their turns to her bre st7 == The lo9ers ;ere too much ffected to get rid of their emb rr ssment for one d y< but the scene ; s much enli9ened by the rri9 l of @ ck Ailson, ;ho brought, s usu l, some g me of his o;n killing == His honest counten nce ; s good letter of recommend tion7 + recei9ed him like de r friend fter long sep r tion< nd + could not help ;ondering to see him sh ke @ery by the h nd s n old c>u int nce == They h d, indeed, been c>u inted some d ys, in conse>uence of di9erting incident, ;hich + sh ll expl in t meeting7 Th t s me night consult tion ; s held upon the concerns of the lo9ers, ;hen the m tch ; s form lly greed to, nd ll the m rri ge rticles ;ere

settled ;ithout the le st dispute7 == 0y nephe; nd + promised to m ke 3iddy's fortune fi9e thous nd pounds7 0r *ennison decl red, he ;ould m ke o9er one h lf of his est te immedi tely to his son, nd th t his d ughter=in=l ; should be secured in jointure of four hundred == T bby proposed, th t, considering their youth, they should undergo one ye r t le st, of prob tion before the indissoluble knot should be tied< but the young gentlem n being 9ery imp tient nd importun te, nd the scheme implying th t the young couple should li9e in the house, under the ;ings of his p rents, ;e resol9ed to m ke them h ppy ;ithout further del y7 !s the l ; re>uires th t the p rties should be some ;eeks resident in the p rish, ;e sh ll st y here till the ceremony is performed7 == 0r 3ism h go re>uests th t he m y t ke the benefit of the s me occ sion< so th t next Sund y the b nns ;ill be published for ll four together7 == + doubt + sh ll not be ble to p ss my Christm s ;ith you t 5r mbleton=h ll7 == +ndeed, + m so gree bly situ ted in this pl ce, th t + h 9e no desire to shift my >u rters< nd + foresee, th t ;hen the d y of sep r tion comes, there ;ill be bund nce of sorro; on ll sides7 == +n the me n time, ;e must m ke the most of those blessings ;hich He 9en besto;s7 == Considering ho; you re tethered by your profession, + c nnot hope to see you so f r from home< yet the dist nce does not exceed summer=d y's journey, nd Ch rles *ennison, ;ho desires to be remembered to you, ;ould be rejoiced to see his old compot tor< but s + m no; st tion ry, + expect regul r ns;ers to the epistles of 2ours in9 ri bly, 0!TT7 51!053E ,ct7 &&7

To Sir A!T4+- PH+33+PS, 5 rt7 t ,xon7 *E!1 A!T, E9ery d y is no; big ;ith incident nd disco9ery == 2oung 0r *ennison pro9es to be no other th n th t identic l person ;hom + h 9e execr ted so long, under the n me of Ailson == He h d eloped from college t C mbridge, to 9oid m tch th t he detested, nd cted in different p rts of the country s stroller, until the l dy in >uestion m de choice of husb nd for herself< then he returned to his f ther, nd disclosed his p ssion for 3iddy, ;hich met ;ith the pprob tion of his p rents, though the f ther little im gined th t 0r 5r mble ; s his old comp nion 0 tthe; 3oyd7 The young gentlem n, being impo;ered to m ke honour ble propos ls to my uncle nd me, h d been in se rch of us ll o9er Engl nd, ;ithout effect< nd he it ; s ;hom + h d seen p ss on

horseb ck by the ;indo; of the inn, ;here + stood ;ith my sister, but he little dre med th t ;e ;ere in the house == !s for the re l 0r Ailson, ;hom + c lled forth to comb t, by mist ke, he is the neighbour nd intim te friend of old 0r *ennison, nd this connexion h d suggested to the son the ide of t king th t n me ;hile he rem ined in obscurity7 2ou m y e sily concei9e ;h t ple sure + must h 9e felt on disco9ering th t the honour of our f mily ; s in no d nger from the conduct of sister ;hom + lo9e ;ith uncommon ffection< th t, inste d of deb sing her sentiments nd 9ie;s to ;retched stroller, she h d re lly c pti9 ted the he rt of gentlem n, her e>u l in r nk nd superior in fortune< nd th t, s his p rents ppro9ed of his tt chment, + ; s on the e9e of c>uiring brother=in=l ; so ;orthy of my friendship nd esteem7 George *ennison is, ;ithout ll >uestion, one of the most ccomplished young fello;s in Engl nd7 His person is t once eleg nt nd m nly, nd his underst nding highly culti9 ted7 Tho' his spirit is lofty, his he rt is kind< nd his m nner so eng ging, s to comm nd 9ener tion nd lo9e, e9en from m lice nd indifference7 Ahen + ;eigh my o;n ch r cter ;ith his, + m sh med to find myself so light in the b l nce< but the comp rison excites no en9y == + propose him s model for imit tion == + h 9e ende 9oured to recommend myself to his friendship, nd hope + h 9e lre dy found pl ce in his ffection7 + m, ho;e9er, mortified to reflect ;h t fl gr nt injustice ;e e9ery d y commit, nd ;h t bsurd judgment ;e form, in 9ie;ing objects through the f lsifying mediums of prejudice nd p ssion7 H d you sked me fe; d ys go, the picture of Ailson the pl yer, + should h 9e dr ;n portr it 9ery unlike the re l person nd ch r cter of George *ennison7 Aithout ll doubt, the gre test d9 nt ge c>uired in tr 9elling nd perusing m nkind in the origin l, is th t of dispelling those sh meful clouds th t d rken the f culties of the mind, pre9enting it from judging ;ith c ndour nd precision7 The re l Ailson is gre t origin l, nd the best tempered, comp nion ble m n + e9er kne; == + >uestion if e9er he ; s ngry or lo;=spirited in his life7 He m kes no pretensions to letters< but he is n dept in e9ery thing else th t c n be either useful or entert ining7 !mong other >u lific tions, he is complete sportsm n, nd counted the best shot in the county7 He nd *ennison, nd 3ism h go nd +, ttended by Clinker, ;ent =shooting yesterd y, nd m de gre t h 9ock mong the p rtridges == To=morro; ;e sh ll t ke the field g inst the ;oodcocks nd snipes7 +n the e9ening ;e d nce nd sing, or pl y t commerce, loo, nd >u drille7 0r *ennison is n eleg nt poet, nd h s ;ritten some det ched pieces on the subject of his p ssion for 3iddy, ;hich must be 9ery fl ttering to the 9 nity of young ;om n == Perh ps he is one

of the gre test the tric l geniuses th t e9er ppe red7 He sometimes entert ins us ;ith reciting f 9ourite speeches from our best pl ys7 Ae re resol9ed to con9ert the gre t h ll into the tre, nd get up the 5e ux Str t gem ;ithout del y == + think + sh ll m ke no contemptible figure in the ch r cter of Scrub< nd 3ism h go ;ill be 9ery gre t in C pt in Gibbet7 Ailson undert kes to entert in the country people ;ith H rle>uin Skeleton, for ;hich he h s got j cket re dy p inted ;ith his o;n h nd7 ,ur society is re lly ench nting7 E9en the se9erity of 3ism h go rel xes, nd the 9ineg r of 0rs T bby is rem rk bly dulcified, e9er since it ; s greed th t she should t ke precedency of her niece in being first noosed? for, you must kno;, the d y is fixed for 3iddy's m rri ge< nd the b nns for both couples h 9e been lre dy once published in the p rish church7 The C pt in e rnestly begged th t one trouble might ser9e for ll, nd T bith ssented ;ith 9ile ffect tion of reluct nce7 Her in mor to, ;ho c me hither 9ery slenderly e>uipt, h s sent for his b gg ge to 3ondon, ;hich, in ll prob bility, ;ill not rri9e in time for the ;edding< but it is of no gre t conse>uence, s e9ery thing is to be tr ns cted ;ith the utmost pri9 cy == 0e n;hile, directions re gi9en for m king out the contr cts of m rri ge, ;hich re 9ery f 9our ble for both fem les< 3iddy ;ill be secured in good jointure< nd her unt ;ill rem in mistress of her o;n fortune, except one h lf of the interest, ;hich her husb nd sh ll h 9e right to enjoy for his n tur l life? + think this is s little in conscience s c n be done for m n ;ho yokes ;ith such p rtner for life7 These expect nts seem to be so h ppy, th t if 0r *ennison h d n gree ble d ughter, + belie9e + should be for m king the third couple in this country d nce7 The humour seems to be infectious< for Clinker, li s 3oyd, h s month's mind to pl y the fool, in the s me f shion, ;ith 0rs Ainifred @enkins7 He h s e9en sounded me on the subject< but + h 9e gi9en him no encour gement to prosecute this scheme == + told him + thought he might do better, s there ; s no eng gement nor promise subsisting< th t + did not kno; ;h t designs my uncle might h 9e formed for his d9 nt ge< but + ; s of opinion, th t he should not, t present, run the ris>ue of disobliging him by ny prem ture pplic tion of this n ture == Honest Humphry protested he ;ould suffer de th sooner th n do or s y ny thing th t should gi9e offence to the 's>uire? but he o;ned he h d kindness for the young ;om n, nd h d re son to think she looked upon him ;ith f 9our ble eye< th t he considered this mutu l m nifest tion of good ;ill, s n eng gement understood, ;hich ought to be binding to the conscience of n honest m n< nd he hoped the 's>uire nd + ;ould be of the s me opinion, ;hen ;e should be t leisure to besto; ny thought bout the m tter == + belie9e he is in the right< nd ;e sh ll find time to t ke his c se into consider tion == 2ou see

;e re fixed for some ;eeks t le st, nd s you h 9e h d long respite, + hope you ;ill begin immedi tely to disch rge the rre rs due to 2our ffection te, @7 0E3.,1* ,ct7 &87

To 0iss 3!ET+T+! A+33+S, t Gloucester7 02 *E!1, *E!1 3ETT2, -e9er did + sit do;n to ;rite in such git tion s + no; feel == +n the course of fe; d ys, ;e h 9e met ;ith number of incidents so ;onderful nd interesting, th t ll my ide s re thro;n into confusion nd perplexity == 2ou must not expect either method or coherence in ;h t + m going to rel te == my de rest Aillis7 Since my l st, the spect of ff irs is tot lly ch ngedG == nd so ch ngedG but + ;ould f in gi9e you regul r det il == +n p ssing ri9er bout eight d ys go, our co ch ; s o9erturned, nd some of us n rro;ly esc ped ;ith life == 0y uncle h d ;ell nigh perished7 , He 9en, + c nnot reflect upon th t circumst nce ;ithout horror == + should h 9e lost my best friend, my f ther nd protector, but for the resolution nd cti9ity of his ser9 nt Humphry Clinker, ;hom Pro9idence re lly seems to h 9e pl ced ne r him for the necessity of this occ sion7 == + ;ould not be thought superstitious< but surely he cted from stronger impulse th n common fidelity7 A s it not the 9oice of n ture th t loudly c lled upon him to s 9e the life of his o;n f therC for, # 3etty, it ; s disco9ered th t Humphry Clinker ; s my uncle's n tur l son7 !lmost t the s me inst nt, gentlem n, ;ho c me to offer us his ssist nce, nd in9ite us to his house, turned out to be 9ery old friend of 0r 5r mble7 == His n me is 0r *ennison, one of the ;orthiest men li9ing< nd his l dy is perfect s int upon e rth7 They h 9e n only son == ;ho do you think is this only sonC == , 3ettyG == , gr cious he 9enG ho; my he rt p lpit tes, ;hen + tell you th t this only son of 0r *ennison's, is th t 9ery identic l youth ;ho, under the n me of Ailson, h s m de such r 9 ge in my he rtG == 2es, my de r friendG Ailson nd + re no; lodged in the s me house, nd con9erse together freely == His f ther ppro9es of his sentiments in my f 9our< his mother lo9es me ;ith ll the tenderness of p rent< my uncle, my unt nd my brother, no longer oppose my inclin tions == ,n the contr ry, they h 9e greed to m ke us h ppy ;ithout del y< nd in three ;eeks or month, if no unforeseen ccident inter9enes, your friend 3ydi 0elford, ;ill h 9e ch nged her n me nd condition == + s y, if no ccident inter9enes, bec use such torrent of success m kes me trembleG == +

;ish there m y not be something tre cherous in this sudden reconcili tion of fortune == + h 9e no merit == + h 9e no title to such felicity7 . r from enjoying the prospect th t lies before me, my mind is h rr ssed ;ith continued tumult, m de up of hopes nd ;ishes, doubts nd pprehensions == + c n neither e t nor sleep, nd my spirits re in perpetu l flutter7 == + more th n e9er feel th t 9 c ncy in my he rt, ;hich your presence lone c n fill7 == The mind, in e9ery dis>uiet, seeks to repose itself on the bosom of friend< nd this is such tri l s + re lly kno; not ho; to support ;ithout your comp ny nd counsel == + must, therefore, de r 3etty, put your friendship to the test == + must beg you ;ill come nd do the l st offices of m idenhood to your comp nion 3ydi 0elford7 This letter goes inclosed in one to our ;orthy go9erness, from 0rs *ennison, entre ting her to interpose ;ith your m mm , th t you m y be llo;ed to f 9our us ;ith your comp ny on this occ sion< nd + fl tter myself th t no m teri l objection c n be m de to our re>uest7 The dist nce from hence to Gloucester, does not exceed one hundred miles, nd the ro ds re good7 == 0r Clinker, li s 3oyd, sh ll be sent o9er to ttend your motions == +f you step into the post=ch ise, ;ith your m id 5etty 5 rker, t se9en in the morning, you ;ill rri9e by four in the fternoon t the h lf=; y house, ;here there is good ccommod tion7 There you sh ll be met by my brother nd myself, ;ho ;ill next d y conduct you to this pl ce, ;here, + m sure, you ;ill find yourself perfectly t your c se in the midst of n gree ble society7 == *e r 3etty, + ;ill t ke no refus l == if you h 9e ny friendship == ny hum nity == you ;ill come7 == + desire th t immedi te pplic tion m y be m de to your m mm < nd th t the moment her permission is obt ined, you ;ill pprise 2our e9er f ithful, 32*+! 0E3.,1* ,ct7 &87

To 0rs @E102-, t her house in Gloucester7 *E!1 0!*!0, Though + ; s not so fortun te s to be f 9oured ;ith n ns;er to the letter ;ith ;hich + troubled you in the spring, + still fl tter myself th t you ret in some reg rd for me nd my concerns7 + m sure the c re nd tenderness ;ith ;hich + ; s tre ted, under your roof nd tuition, dem nd the ; rmest returns of gr titude nd ffection on my p rt, nd these sentiments, + hope, + sh ll cherish to my dying d y == !t present, + think it my duty to m ke you c>u inted ;ith the h ppy issue of th t indiscretion by ;hich + incurred your disple sure7 = !hG m d m, the

slighted Ailson is met morphosed into George *ennison, only son nd heir of gentlem n, ;hose ch r cter is second to none in Engl nd, s you m y underst nd upon in>uiry7 0y gu rdi n, my brother nd +, re no; in his house< nd n immedi te union of the t;o f milies is to t ke pl ce in the persons of the young gentlem n nd your poor 3ydi 0elford7 == 2ou ;ill e sily concei9e ho; emb rr ssing this situ tion must be to young inexperienced cre ture like me, of ;e k ner9es nd strong pprehensions< nd ho; much the presence of friend nd confid nt ;ould encour ge nd support me on this occ sion7 2ou kno;, th t of ll the young l dies, 0iss Aillis ; s she th t possessed the gre test sh re of my confidence nd ffection< nd, therefore, + fer9ently ;ish to h 9e the h ppiness of her comp ny t this interesting crisis7 0rs *ennison, ;ho is the object of uni9ers l lo9e nd esteem, h s, t my re>uest, ;ritten to you on this subject, nd + no; beg le 9e to reinforce her sollicit tions7 == 0y de r 0rs @ermynG my e9er honoured go9ernessG let me conjure you by th t fondness ;hich once distinguished your f 9ourite 3ydi G by th t bene9olence of he rt, ;hich disposes you to promote the h ppiness of your fello;=cre tures in gener lG lend f 9our ble e r to my petition, nd use your influence ;ith 3etty's m mm , th t my most e rnest desire m y be gr tified7 Should + be indulged in this p rticul r, + ;ill eng ge to return her s fe, nd e9en to ccomp ny her to Gloucester, ;here, if you ;ill gi9e me le 9e, + ;ill present to you, under nother n me, *e r 0 d m, 2our most ffection te Humble ser9 nt, !nd penitent, 32*+! 0E3.,1* ,ct7 &87

To 0rs 0!12 @,-ES, t 5r mbleton=h ll7 , 0!12 @,-ESG 0!12 @,-ESG + h 9e met ;ith so m ny xidents, supris ls, nd terrific tions, th t + m in p feck f ntigo, nd + belie9e + sh ll ne9er be my o;n self g in7 3 st ;eek + ; s dr gged out of ri9er like dro;ned r t, nd lost br n=ne; night=c p, ;ith sulfer st yhook, th t cost me good h lf= =cro;n, nd n odd shoe of green g llo; monkey< besides ;etting my clo ths nd t ring my smuck, nd n ugly g sh m de in the b ck p rt of my thy, by the stump of tree == To be sure 0r Clinker tuck me out of the cox< but he left me on my b ck in the ; ter, to go to the 's>uire< nd + mought h 9e h d ; try gr 9e, if mill r h d not brought me to the dry l nd == 5ut, ,G ;h t choppings nd ch nges girl == The

pl yer m n th t c me fter 0iss 3iddy, nd frightened me ;ith be rd t 5ristol Aell, is no; m tthe;=murphy'd into fine young gentlem n, son nd h re of 's>uire *ollison == Ae re ll together in the s me house, nd ll p rties h 9e greed to the m tch, nd in fortnite the surrymony ;ill be performed7 5ut this is not the only ;edding ;e re to h 9e == 0istriss is resol9ed to h 9e the s me frolick, in the n m of GodG 3 st Sund y in the p rish crutch, if my o;n rs m y be trusted, the clerk c lled the b nes of m rridge bet;ixt ,p ni h 3 shmeheygo, nd T pith 5r mple, spinster< he mought s ;ell h 9e c lled her inkle=;e 9er, for she ne9er spun nd h nk of y rn in her life == 2oung 's>uire *ollison nd 0iss 3iddy m ke the second kipple< nd there might h 9e been turd, but times re ch nged ;ith 0r Clinker == , 0ollyG ;h t do'st thinkC 0r Clinker is found to be pye=blo; of our o;n 's>uire, nd his rite n m is 0r 0 tthe; 3oyd Ethof God he nose ho; th t c n beF< nd he is no; out of li9ery, nd ; res ruffles == but + ne; him ;hen he ; s out t elbo;s, nd h d not r g to ki9er his pistereroes< so he need not hold his he d so high == He is for s rtin 9ery umble nd comple s nt, nd purtests s ho; he h s the s me reg rd s before< but th t he is no longer his o;n m ster, nd c nnot portend to m rry ;ithout the 's>uire's consent == He s ys he must ; it ;ith p tience, nd trust to Pro9idence, nd such nonsense == 5ut if so be s ho; his reg rd be the s me, ;hy st nd shilly sh llyC Ahy not strike ;hile the iron is hot, nd spe k to the 's>uire ;ithout loss of timeC Ah t subjection c n the 's>uire m ke to our coming together == Thof my f ther ; n't gentlem n, my mother ; s n honest ;om n == + didn't come on the ;rong side of the bl nket, girl == 0y p rents ;ere m rred ccording to the right of holy mother crutch, in the f ce of men nd ngles == 0 rk th t, 0 ry @ones7 0r Clinker E3oyd + ;ould s yF h d best look to his t ckle7 There be other ch ps in the m rket, s the s ying is == Ah t ;ould he s y if + should except the soot nd s r9ice of the young s>uire's 9 lleyC 0r 0 ch ppy is gentlem n born, nd h s been bro d in the ; rs == He h s ;orld of buck l rning, nd spe ks .rench, nd *itch, nd Scotch, nd ll m nner of outl ndish lingos< to be sure he's little the ;orse for the ; re, nd is much gi9en to drink< but then he's good=tempered in his li>uor, nd prudent ;om n mought ;ind him bout her finger == 5ut + h 9e no thoughts of him, +'ll ssure you == + scorn for to do, or to s y, or to think ny thing th t mought gi9e unbreech to 0r 3oyd, ;ithout furder occ sion == 5ut then + h 9e such 9 pours, 0olly + sit nd cry by myself, nd t ke ss of etid , nd smill to burnt f thers, nd kind l=snuffs< nd + pr y const ntly for gre se, th t + m y h 9e glimpse of the ne;=light, to she; me the ; y through this ;retched 9eil of t res7 !nd yet, + ; nt for nothing in this f mily of lo9e, ;here e9ery sole is so kind nd so courteous, th t ; n ;ould think they re so m ny s ints in h 9en7 *e r 0olly, + recommend myself to your pr yers, being, ;ith my s r9ice to S ul,

your e9er lo9ing, nd discounselled friend, A+-7 @E-4+-S ,ct7 &87

To *r 3EA+S7 *E!1 *+C4, 2ou c nnot im gine ;h t ple sure + h 9e in seeing your h nd=;riting, fter such long cess tion on your side of our correspondence == 2et, He 9en kno;s, + h 9e often seen your h nd=;riting ;ith disgust == + me n, ;hen it ppe red in bbre9i tions of pothec ry's 3 tin == + like your hint of m king interest for the re9ersion of the collector's pl ce, for 0r 3ism h go, ;ho is much ple sed ;ith the scheme, nd presents you ;ith his compliments nd best th nks for thinking so kindly of his concerns == The m n seems to mend, upon further c>u int nce7 Th t h rsh reser9e, ;hich formed dis gree ble husk bout his ch r cter, begins to peel off in the course of our communic tion == + h 9e gre t hopes th t he nd T bby ;ill be s h ppily p ired s ny t;o dr ught nim ls in the kingdom< nd + m ke no doubt but th t he ;ill pro9e 9 lu ble c>uisition to our little society, in the rticle of con9ers tion, by the fire=side in ;inter7 2our objection to my p ssing this se son of the ye r t such dist nce from home, ;ould h 9e more ;eight if + did not find myself perfectly t my e se ;here + m< nd my he lth so much impro9ed, th t + m disposed to bid defi nce to gout nd rheum tism == + begin to think + h 9e put myself on the super nnu ted list too soon, nd bsurdly sought for he lth in the retre ts of l Diness == + m persu ded th t ll 9 letudin ri ns re too sedent ry, too regul r, nd too c utious == Ae should sometimes incre se the motion of the m chine, to unclog the ;heels of life< nd no; nd then t ke plunge midst the ; 9es of excess, in order to c seh rden the constitution7 + h 9e e9en found ch nge of comp ny s necess ry s ch nge of ir, to promote 9igorous circul tion of the spirits, ;hich is the 9ery essence nd criterion of good he lth7 Since my l st, + h 9e been performing the duties of friendship, th t re>uired gre t de l of exercise, from ;hich + hope to deri9e some benefit == /nderst nding, by the gre test ccident in the ;orld, th t 0r 5 yn rd's ;ife ; s d ngerously ill of pleuritic fe9er, + borro;ed *ennison's post=ch ise, nd ;ent cross the country to his h bit tion, ttended only by 3oyd

E>uond m ClinkerF on horseb ck7 == !s the dist nce is not bo9e thirty miles, + rri9ed bout four in the fternoon, nd meeting the physici n t the door, ; s informed th t his p tient h d just expired7 == + ; s inst ntly seiDed ;ith 9iolent emotion, but it ; s not grief7 == The f mily being in confusion, + r n up st irs into the ch mber, ;here, indeed, they ;ere ll ssembled7 == The unt stood ;ringing her h nds in kind of stupef ction of sorro;, but my friend cted ll the extr 9 g ncies of ffliction == He held the body in his rms, nd poured forth such l ment tion, th t one ;ould h 9e thought he h d lost the most mi ble consort nd 9 lu ble comp nion upon e rth7 !ffection m y cert inly exist independent of esteem< n y, the s me object m y be lo9ely in one respect, nd detest ble in nother == The mind h s surprising f culty of ccommod ting, nd e9en tt ching itself, in such m nner, by dint of use, to things th t re in their o;n n ture dis gree ble, nd e9en pernicious, th t it c nnot be r to be deli9ered from them ;ithout reluct nce nd regret7 5 yn rd ; s so bsorbed in his delirium, th t he did not percei9e me ;hen + entered, nd desired one of the ;omen to conduct the unt into her o;n ch mber7 == !t the s me time + begged the tutor to ;ithdr ; the boy, ;ho stood g ping in corner, 9ery little ffected ;ith the distress of the scene7 == These steps being t ken, + ; ited till the first 9iolence of my friend's tr nsport ; s b ted, then diseng ged him gently from the mel ncholy object, nd led him by the h nd into nother p rtment< though he struggled so h rd, th t + ; s obliged to h 9e recourse to the ssist nce of his 9 let de ch mbre == +n fe; minutes, ho;e9er, he recollected himself, nd folding me in his rms, 'This Ecried heF, is friendly office, indeedG == + kno; not ho; you c me hither< but, + think, He 9en sent you to pre9ent my going distr cted == , 0 tthe;G + h 9e lost my de r H rrietG == my poor, gentle, tender cre ture, th t lo9ed me ;ith such ; rmth nd purity of ffection == my const nt comp nion of t;enty ye rsG She's gone == she's gone for e9erG == He 9en nd e rthG ;here is sheC == *e th sh ll not p rt usG' So s ying, he st rted up, nd could h rdly be ;ith=held from returning to the scene ;e h d >uitted == 2ou ;ill percei9e it ;ould h 9e been 9ery bsurd for me to rgue ;ith m n th t t lked so m dly7 == ,n ll such occ sions, the first torrent of p ssion must be llo;ed to subside gr du lly7 == + ende 9oured to beguile his ttention by st rting little hints nd insinu ting other objects of discourse imperceptibly< nd being exceedingly ple sed in my o;n mind t this e9ent, + exerted myself ;ith such n extr ordin ry flo; of spirits s ; s ttended ;ith success7 == +n fe; hours, he ; s c lm enough to he r re son, nd e9en to o;n th t He 9en could not h 9e interposed more effectu lly to rescue him from disgr ce nd ruin7 == Th t he might not, ho;e9er, rel pse into ;e knesses for ; nt of comp ny, + p ssed the night in his ch mber, in little tent bed brought thither on purpose< nd

;ell it ; s + took this prec ution, for he st rted up in bed se9er l times, nd ;ould h 9e pl yed the fool, if + h d not been present7 -ext d y he ; s in condition to t lk of business, nd 9ested me ;ith full uthority o9er his household, ;hich + beg n to exercise ;ithout loss of time, tho' not before he kne; nd ppro9ed of the scheme + h d projected for his d9 nt ge7 == He ;ould h 9e >uitted the house immedi tely< but this retre t + opposed7 == . r from encour ging tempor ry disgust, ;hich might degener te into n h bitu l 9ersion, + resol9ed, if possible, to tt ch him more th n e9er to his Houshold Gods7 == + g 9e directions for the funer l to be s pri9 te s ; s consist nt ;ith decency< + ;rote to 3ondon, th t n in9entory nd estim te might be m de of the furniture nd effects in his to;n=house, nd g 9e notice to the l ndlord, th t 0r 5 yn rd should >uit the premises t 3 dy=d y< + set person t ;ork to t ke ccount of e9ery thing in the country=house, including horses, c rri ges, nd h rness< + settled the young gentlem n t bo rding=school, kept by clergym n in the neighbourhood, nd thither he ;ent ;ith