AROUND THE WORLD IN A BAD MOOD Rachel Both Oli#ia Rachel Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboa d!

I am""" Renee" I am a $light attendant and the wo ld is m% o%ste ! &o' might be wonde ing wh% I became a $light attendant in the $i st (lace) One da% m% dad b' st into the ho'se with an ad* A e %o' loo+ing $o a ca ee that is e,citing and glamo o's) Do %o' li+e to t a#el and wo + with the ('blic) We a e see+ing candidates who a e ( o$essional, (oised, and se #iceminded $o immediate o(enings as .$light attendants"/ Both (Singing) O' se #ice is bad, b't it co'ld get wo se" We lost %o' +id, b't we $o'nd %o' (' se" O' $ood is bad, b't we0 e not to blame, T % anothe ai line, it0s all the same"

The 1ob o$ a $light attendant is one o$ the most demanding and least a(( eciated ( o$essions in the wo ld toda%" 2oin 's as #ete an attendant Rene 3oss eco'nts t 'e sto ies $ om he li$e on the wing" 3asten %o' seat belts, aise %o' t a% tables and stow %o' bags the 1o' ne% is abo't to begin"
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Around the World in a Bad Mood

B% Rene 3oss Both Oli#ia The Inte #iew As soon as I wal+ed into the waiting oom and ead"""
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Rachel WA3TI WE A4OLO5I6E 3OR THI7 IN8ON9ENIEN8E AIRLINE7 Oli#ia Rachel and loo+ed a o'nd at the othe candidates, I :'ic+l% eali;ed that this was 'nli+e an% othe inte #iew I0d e#e been to be$o e"
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Hi! I0m 7's% 5l't; $ om the g eat state o$ Te,as and I want to be a $light attendant beca'se I 1'st lo#e (eo(le, I am #e % se #ice-o iented, and I am a team (la%e ! 3ollowed b% a big" $a+e smile" Hi! I am &o0 9innie, o iginall% $ om New &o +, and I want to be a $light

Oli#ia Rachel

attendant beca'se I lo#e to t a#el and I want to see the wo ld" Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia 3ollowed b% an e#en bigge $a+e smile, b't with missing teeth" Hi! I am Ma %, Ma % <'ite 8ont a % $ om =ansas 8it%, and I want to be a $light attendant beca'se I 1'st lo#e (eo(le, I lo#e to t a#el, and I lo#e to smile" 3ollowed b% a big, big $a+e smile and batting e%elashes! I$ I had +nown then what I +now now I wo'ld ha#e said""" Hi! M% name is Renee and I am ho(ing to $ind a1ob that allows me to deal with emotionall% and (h%sicall% ab'si#e (assenge s in a con$ined s(ace" B't what did I +now bac+ then) I was %o'ng and st'(id, so I me el% es(onded"""

Rachel I0m Rene and I, too, lo#e (eo(le and lo#e to t a#el" Oli#ia T o'ble with the $a+e smile, b't li$e had beg'n and I was on the team"

Rachel All too soon I disco#e ed""" Both Oli#ia Rachel Both Oli#ia Rachel Boa ding* A 7ha+es(ea ean T aged% It was a da + and sto m% night" The e was th'nde , lightning, hea#% ain and a $'ll moon" 3light attendants ( e(a ed the galle%, chec+ed the meal co'nt, and began to chant""" Do'ble, do'ble toil and t o'ble 3i e b' n and ca'ld on b'bble A d 'm, a d 'm, the (assenge s doth come!
(To Olivia who is now Macbeth) Hail Macbeth, hail to thee" He e is %o' seat, %o'

ha#e I B" Oli#ia (To Rachel who is now Macduff) Hail, Hail, Hail Macd'$$i Rachel Both Macbeth 4 a%, +ind si , b't %o'0 e in m% th one, whe e I shall est till dawn" Remo#e th%sel$ and get thee gone" (Aside: as flight attendants) 3ie, $ie, $ee, $ee" Ms Macd'$$ also has seat lB"
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3ie, $ie, I am a $ e:'ent $lie " I0ll not sha e this>at with the li+e o$ %o', a common lia "

Macd'$$

What ca e I how m'ch %o' $l%) I am in the Regal 8l'b and ha#e a ( i#ate oom at e#e % h'b"

Macbeth Ha! I own the stoc+, I am the boa d" When I a i#e, the% call me Lo d" Macd'$$ Lo d o$ what) 4 a% do tell" Lo d o$ this) Me thin+s it hell! Both (Aside: as flight attendants) Ah me, toil and t o'ble, boil and b'bble, when seat assignments he e a e do'ble!

Rachel (As Hamlet) To be o not to be, that is the :'estion""" Oli#ia Both No, no! E,c'se me, M " Hamlet) Not ?B"""lB""" ight o#e he e!

7a$et% Demo 7h'$$le 71 Rachel@ALadies and gentlemen, it0s time $o the B7a$et% Demo0 and I will now be dimming the cabin lights to enhance the bea't% o$ o' $light attendants" Both I$ %o'0#e ne#e t a#eled b% ca This is %o' seat belt, (lease +now Whe e the% a e" To $asten the belt, 2'st ('ll till it0s tight and don0t let 5o till the end o$ the $light! 7ho'ld the cabin lose ( ess' e, (lace this mas+ on %o' nose, I$ the (lane0s going down, 1'st each $o %o' toes, A $ew mo e eminde s, then o$$ on o' wa%* No smo+ing, no cell (hones, no meals toda%! Than+ %o' $o $l%ing, we0 e glad to a i#e I$ %o' want to get the e $aste , wh% don0t %o' d i#e)! Rachel Ladies and 5entlemen, we ha#e enco'nte ed a little t' b'lence"" "Ma0am, ( (lease sta% in %o' seat" (Olivia is clea l! having stomach t ouble") 7e #ice with a smile"" "se #ice with a smile" "se #ice with a \.~ smile"" (Olivia th ows u#") Than+ %o'!
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Both

7e #ice with a smile"

Rachel Hello" Wo'ld %o' li+e the almond occa o the b ownie toda%) Oli#ia What) Rachel Wo'ld %o' li+e the almond occa o the b ownie toda%) Oli#ia What did %o' sa%)

Rachel Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia Rachel Oli#ia

&o' +now, %o' co'ld ( obabl% hea me a lot bette i$ %o' too+ those head(hones o$$" O=, now, wo'ld %o' li+e the almond occa o the b ownie) Do %o' ha#e an% (ean'ts) No" 8an I get a 8o+e) &es, it0s on the be#e age ca t behind me" What is that) It0s a ca t with d in+s on it" No, that (in+ thing in %o' hand" What is that) That is the almond occa" I tho'ght %o' said %o' had b ownies" Loo+""" Well, what is an almond occa an%wa%) It is a $ine b'tte to$$ee elegantl% w a((ed in gold $oil" Now do %o' want one o not) Listen, m% h'sband and I we e se(a ated"""

Rachel &eah, well nothing lasts $o e#e " Oli#ia No, I mean we a e not seated togethe " We (' chased these tic+ets si, months ago and we we e ( omised two seats togethe , and I0d li+e %o' to do something abo't it" The e0s not m'ch I can do abo't it now, b't a$te I deli#e all the almond occas and b ownies, I can t % to see i$ someone will switch seats with %o'" &o' a e going to do something abo't it ight now, %o'ng lad%" Do %o' +now who I am) DO &OU =NOW WHO I AM) (Ove #ublic add ess s!stem) Ladies and gentlemen, ma% I ha#e %o' attention (lease) We ha#e a (assenge on boa d who does not seem to +now who she is" I$ an%one can identi$% he , (lease ing %o' $light attendant call b'tton" The 1ob C lo#e to hate 4eo(le o$ten as+ me, .Wh% don0t %o' :'it)/

Rachel Oli#ia Rachel

Both Oli#ia

Rachel Well, this $light attendant 1ob is mo e than 1'st a 1ob" 7o what i$ %o' ha#e Oli#ia to wa+e '( at D*EE a"m" o sta% '( all night on occasion) Ninet% (e cent o$ the (assenge s a e tole able and the othe ten (e cent %o' can easil% a#oid" 7o what i$ %o' ha#e to (ic+ '( ga bage all da% long)

Rachel It0s a li$est%le that gets in %o' blood and, t 'th be told, it0s ha d to :'it" Oli#ia Both And so $o all o$ 's who t a#el b% ai """ O' se #ice is bad, b't it co'ld get wo se" We lost %o' +id, b't we $o'nd %o' (' se" O' $ood is bad, b't we0 e not to blame, T % anothe ai line, it0s all the same"