Christian Husbands Lay Down Your Lives for your Christian Wives

By Bulldog

Foreword

Every Husband should run his household in such a manner that he feels is
pleasing to God (not man) and utilize what “works” for leading his family.

I have written this document based on my beliefs and/or opinions concerning

Christian marriage. If one or both of the spouses are not Christian(s), it is my
prayer that the non-believer while reading this testimony shall open their heart to
Holy Spirit and accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior for the salvation of
their soul as well as for the benefit of their spouse and children.

I am not a Pastor nor felt the call to preach; however, I have often felt the call to
share my beliefs on various topics.

It is my prayer that this document that I have written may help someone who
needs it.

For those who disagree with all or part of my beliefs, I wish to express my
apologies if you are offended; however, I will not apologize for my beliefs unless
convicted by God to do so.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the
church, and gave himself for it;

Our Lord and Savior loved us so much that He left Heaven to live as one of us
and to die for us. We husbands are commanded to give up our lives for our
wives. We are to serve God and our families by putting away all selfish desires,
goals, and ambitions to tend to the needs of our families first and second only to
our service to God.

OK men!! Lay down your weapons and hear me out on this!! Note that I said
“selfish desires”. As a Christian husband of one of God’s daughters, our desires,
goals, and ambitions are to now be focused on what is best for our wives and our
families as now, in the Eyes of God, that IS what is best for us. That IS what God
has commanded as that IS what shall serve Him best allowing us to live in
harmony, setting Godly examples for our children and others.

Concerning the needs of our family, putting God first, our wives second, our
children third, and ourselves fourth will insure that we are raising our children in
happy, harmonious, and secure Christian homes that are the envy of non-
believers which God can then use to convict them and lead them to Him. As
Christians, that is our most important job. To live according to the Will and Word
of God JOYIOUSLY so that others will want to come to know Him and be happy
like us.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to

knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,

As Husbands, we are commanded to dwell with our wives according to

KNOWLEDGE. What knowledge? The knowledge of the Will of God, His
commandments as well as His Word. We are to use these tools to intimately
study and know the needs of our wives concerning where they are the “weaker
vessel” and have difficulties with their struggles to resist sin.

We are to seek out God’s Will to help and protect her. We are to daily pray for
guidance in doing so. We are to be strong in our Faith. We are to be strong in our
Bible study. We must be in subjection to the Will of God to lead her by example
and to support and honor ALL of her efforts to serve God, so that we can:
Ephesians 5:26-27 purify her to holiness, freeing her from the defilements
of sin and faults, by the spiritual cleansing of the water, by the spoken
word of God, so that He might present the Church to Himself in glorious
splendor, having no willingly held moral faults or small moral defects or
any such things, but rather that she might be holy and faultless.

1 Peter 3:7 (Continued) and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that
your prayers be not hindered.

If you place your faith and trust in God’s Will and His word, it shall be MUCH
easier for a Christian woman to submit to your leadership. Remember, it is not
about “controlling” your wife, it’s about leading her, and your family.

Your wife’s submission commanded in Ephesians 5:22 Wives submit to your

own husbands, as to the Lord.” is fulfillment of Scripture and a Precious Gift to
you that she is trusting you to love, cherish, honor, protect, and not abuse.

When you both do your part, your joint prayers will not be hindered and you will
grow stronger in the Lord as one person.

Does this mean that if one of you is “dropping the ball” that both of your individual
prayers shall be hindered? I don’t believe that is the case. 1 Peter 3:12 For the
eyes of the LORD [are] on the righteous, And His ears [are open] to their
prayers; But the face of the LORD [is] against those who do evil."

More food for thought for the Christian husband/leader:

Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but
what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the
hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were
sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor,
and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one
another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ
forgave you.

If you want to lead effectively as a Servant of God, this Scripture is HIGHLY

important.

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for
necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
Screaming harmful words and belittlement reaps resentment. We must strive to
lead and instruct with words of kindness and admonish with words of truth and
steel without belittlement.

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the
day of redemption.” We must not be responsible for leading our families to
close their ears to the Holy Spirit because they are hurt by our harmful and sinful
words/actions that we used while failing to lead correctly.

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away
from you, with all malice.” ”Malice” feeds sin and well as eroding your families
respect and acceptance of your leadership.

In my opinion, the key words in this sentence are “with all malice.” I do not
interpret this scripture to read that all of these things are always sinful, no, I
interpret that all of these things are sinful when done so with “MALICE” which is
the intent to do harm.

We like to think of God as a Loving God and our wives wish to think of us as
loving husbands. While both are true, the Wrath of God is mentioned some 190
times in the Bible. In John 2:15, Jesus let His Holy Wrath and Anger be shown
quite dramatically. I believe that a Christian husband can react with wrath/anger
and it not be sinful if the open defiance and/or need to take immediate action in a
RARE situation justifies his response. I see nothing wrong with removing your
wife from a situation, escorting her to a private place, scolding and applying a few
crisp "wake up calls" as an on the spot attitude adjustment even if you are a little
steamed.

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as

God in Christ forgave you.” A Christian husband must always practice what he
preaches and keep this sentence of this scripture close to his heart.

As a leader, he must expect mistakes and failures of not only his wife and family,
but of himself as well. He must be kind, understanding, tenderhearted, and
supportive yet strong enough to put his foot down and intervene to stop and/or
prevent destructive behavior.
He MUST be able to forgive his wife and family BEFORE they ever ask. If he
can’t, he is hindering the Holy Spirit to convict them and he is leading through
guilt and fear. God doesn’t want us to live in fear and remorse. God wants us to
be happy so that others will want what we have and turn to Him to receive it.

Hey HOH!! You had best learn to respect the In-Laws!!

I am a Father of three young adult daughters, one of whom is already married.

Her husband as well as the boyfriends of the other two know that I will hit the end
of my chain at an all out run, snapping my collar in two, should they EVER abuse
one of my daughters!! My daughters respect me for this and feel loved and
protected. Their men respect me for this as they also want no harm to come to
my daughters. My son feels the same way and will protect his sisters without fail
should they ever need him too. My daughters’ men respect his love for his sisters
also.

Let us always remember at all times that our wives are daughters of God and
sisters of Christ. Talk about having Loving and Protective In-Laws that you had
best not provoke!! If we treat God’s daughters and Jesus’ sisters badly, Hmm,
Hmmm, Hmmmm, They’re not going to be too happy with us, now are They? Do
not ever, not even for the briefest moment, even consider that God will not hold
us accountable for how we treat His daughters!!

A good thought to remember when instructing, correcting, and when necessary,

disciplining your wife is to consider that if God, her Father, and Jesus, her
brother, were standing there witnessing how you are handling the situation,
would they approve and agree that you are handling it in the best way to benefit
her and your family? Because, remember, God IS there. Jesus IS standing right
next to you too. Your thoughts, intentions, and actions are not “hidden” from the
Father, Son, or the Holy Spirit.

I cannot stress enough the importance in joint prayer in ALL THINGS. Joint
earnest and sincere prayer prior to discussing your wife’s behavior that must be
corrected and praying again for guidance if discipline is needed, as well as for
her acceptance of the correction, will allow the Holy Spirit to guide you both
through the process in a manner pleasing to both God her Father and Jesus, her
Brother.

Hey!! Nobody said that it would be easy to be an HOH!!

“Man Bulldog!! You are making the job of a Christian HOH sound pretty tough!!”
Well brothers, it can be, but the Blessings far outweigh the work. Remember that
the “work” is fulfillment of the Word of God. Remember also and take comfort in
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Just think about how happy your family will be when you lead them correctly
according to the will and word of God. Think about how content your wife will be
in the knowledge that she is second only to God in your heart, life, and plans.
Think about the love, care, and security she will feel from your protection.

“OK, but what if it don’t work and she refuses to submit?”

If she refuses to submit and you have done as commanded by God concerning
your role, you shall continue to do your part to obey the Word of God and set a
good example for your children and others.

Remember that God did not give you an “out” to disobey His commandments
concerning the duties of a husband if she fails to do as He commanded of her as
a wife.

Remember that you are doing this FIRST as obedience to God. You are doing it
secondly for your wife and thirdly for your children. If she fails to follow the
commandments of God concerning her role, Hmm, Hmmm, Hmmm, her “Daddy”
the Lord God Almighty will not be too happy with her, now will He? God’s
spanking hand is far firmer than ours my brothers. Pray more intently for her, be
there to help her, and trust God to use the Holy Spirit to convict her.

Always remember: DO NOT BECOME BITTER!!! Colossians 3:19 Husbands,

love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

“OK. What is she initially submitted but now refuses to stay in

submission?”
First and foremost, pray for guidance, then, open YOUR ears, heart, and mind to
the Holy Spirit.

When you have, take the time to reflect on how you have led. Did you start a
pattern of “laziness”, “indifference”, “inconsistency”, “giving up”, “giving in” and/or
“losing it” etc.? Did you fail to lead by example and/or expect her to refrain from
behaviors that you did yourself in a hypocritical manner? Did you always put
what was best for her and your family second only to Will and Word of God?

If you did any of these things or anything else sinful that she has expressed
damaged her respect for you as her HOH, you were disobeying God’s
commandments concerning your role as well as showing her that you are not
putting God’s Will first and her needs second in your works at a level that she
can respect and is strong enough to continue to submit to without rebellion.

That will make it a GREAT deal harder for her to repent her sins concerning her
failure to submit, turn from it and come back around to God’s will and submit to
you again unless you repent to God, ask her for forgiveness, and turn from your
sin yourself FIRST. Remember, YOU ARE THE LEADER!!
Yes she is sinning, but YOU must accept YOUR responsibility for Your sin in
leading her to her sin as well as your failure to protect her from it by allowing it to
happen.

If upon your sincere reflection, you can find no major fault in your actions, follow
the guidelines in the “OK, but what if it don’t work and she refuses to
submit?” section above.

“What if she defies me and leaves?”

Again, if you have performed your duties as a Christian husband, following God’s
Will and keeping His commandments, you have not failed. Sure, there will be
many times that you can look back on and see failures here and there. Did you
learn from them and strive to do better?

OK. So the marriage didn’t work though you did your best to serve God. Meditate
on this: Matthew 6:19-21 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth,
where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and
steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth
nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Your life is not over. God has a plan for you. Take what you have learned and be
prepared should she repent and turn from her sin. In the eyes of God, his
Christian daughter is still your wife. Continue to pray for her.

If you were “unequally yoked” to begin with, it just may be that God has another
woman in mind for you. This is very common in today’s society as it was in the
early Christian Churches.

Many marriages of today take place between non-believers just like they did back
then. Many spouses become Christians while the other spouse continues to
reject God. Should the non-believing wife leave, brother, you have truly lost
nothing but a hindrance in your service to God, but she has lost a great deal.
Learn from this and only court a Christian woman in the future.

Conclusion

These guidelines that I have written are MY opinions, based on My beliefs.

Every Husband should run his household in such a manner that he feels is
pleasing to God.

May God bless you and your family.