John Fowles - The French Lieutenant's Woman

THE FRENCH LIEUTENANTS WOMAN BY JOHN FOWLES
Every emancipation is a restoration of the human world and of human relationships to man himself.
MARX,
Zur Judenfrage (1844)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I should like to thank the following for permission to quote the !ard" #state and Ma$millan % &o' (td' for e)tra$ts from The Collected Poems of *homas !ard"+ the ,)ford -ni.ersit" /ress for quotations from 0' M' 1oung2s Victorian Essays and Portrait of an Age; Mr' Martin 0ardner and the /enguin /ress for a slightl" $ompressed quotation from The Am ide!trous "niverse; and finall" Mr' #' Ro"ston /ike and Allen % -nwin (td', not onl" for permission to quote dire$tl" 3ut also for three $ontemporar" e)tra$ts and $ountless minor details I ha.e 4stolen5 from his #uman $ocuments of the Victorian %olden Age (pu3lished in the -nited 6tates 3" 7rederi$k A' /raeger, In$', under the title %olden Times& #uman $ocuments of the Victorian Age'. I re$ommend this 3rilliant antholog" most warml" to an" reader who would like to know more of the realit" 3ehind m" fi$tion' 89' 7'
1
6tret$hing e"es west ,.er the sea, :ind foul or fair, Alwa"s stood she /rospe$t;impressed+ 6olel" out there <id her ga=e rest, >e.er elsewhere 6eemed $harm to 3e' 8!AR<1, 4*he Riddle5
An easterl" is the most disagreea3le wind in ("me ?a"8 ("me ?a" 3eing
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that largest 3ite from the underside of #ngland2s outstret$hed southwestern leg8and a person of $uriosit" $ould at on$e ha.e dedu$ed se.eral strong pro3a3ilities a3out the pair who 3egan to walk down the qua" at ("me Regis, the small 3ut an$ient epon"m of the in3ite, one in$isi.el" sharp and 3luster" morning in the late Mar$h of 18AB' *he &o33 has in.ited what familiarit" 3reeds for at least se.en hundred "ears, and the real ("mers will ne.er see mu$h more to it than a long $law of old gra" wall that fle)es itself against the sea' In fa$t, sin$e it lies well apart from the main town, a tin" /iraeus to a mi$ros$opi$ Athens, the" seem almost to turn their 3a$ks on it' &ertainl" it has $ost them enough in repairs through the $enturies to Custif" a $ertain resentment' ?ut to a less ta);pa"ing, or more dis$riminating, e"e it is quite simpl" the most 3eautiful sea rampart on the south $oast of #ngland' And not onl" 3e$ause it is, as the guide3ooks sa", redolent of se.en hundred "ears of #nglish histor", 3e$ause ships sailed to meet the Armada from it, 3e$ause Monmouth landed 3eside it ''' 3ut finall" 3e$ause it is a super3 fragment of folk art' /rimiti.e "et $omple), elephantine 3ut deli$ate+ as full of su3tle $ur.es and .olumes as a !enr" Moore or a Mi$helangelo+ and pure, $lean, salt, a paragon of mass' I e)aggerateD /erhaps, 3ut I $an 3e put to the test, for the &o33 has $hanged .er" little sin$e the "ear of whi$h I write+ though the town of ("me has, and the test is not fair if "ou look 3a$k towards land' !owe.er, if "ou had turned northward and landward in 18AB, as the man that da" did, "our prospe$t would ha.e 3een harmonious' A pi$turesque $ongeries of some do=en or so houses and a small 3oat"ard8in whi$h, arklike on its sto$ks, sat the thora) of a lugger8 huddled at where the &o33 runs 3a$k to land' !alf a mile to the east la", a$ross sloping meadows, the that$hed and slated roofs of ("me itself+ a town that had its he"da" in the Middle Ages and has 3een de$lining e.er sin$e' *o the west som3er gra" $liffs, known lo$all" as :are &lee.es, rose steepl" from the shingled 3ea$h where Monmouth entered upon his idio$"' A3o.e them and 3e"ond, stepped massi.el" inland, $lim3ed further $liffs masked 3" dense woods' It is in this aspe$t that the &o33 seems most a last 3ulwark8against all that wild eroding $oast to the west' *here too I $an 3e put to proof' >o house la" .isi3l" then or, 3e"ond a 3rief miser" of 3ea$h huts, lies toda" in that dire$tion' *he lo$al sp"8and there was one8might thus ha.e dedu$ed that these two were strangers, people of some taste, and not to 3e denied their enCo"ment of the &o33 3" a mere harsh wind' ,n the other hand he might, fo$using his teles$ope more $losel", ha.e suspe$ted that a mutual solitude interested them rather more than maritime ar$hite$ture+ and he would most
$ertainl" ha.e remarked that the" were people of a .er" superior taste as regards their outward appearan$e' *he "oung lad" was dressed in the height of fashion, for another wind was 3lowing in 18AB the 3eginning of a re.olt against the $rinoline and the large 3onnet' *he e"e in the teles$ope might ha.e glimpsed a magenta skirt of an almost daring narrowness8and shortness, sin$e two white ankles $ould 3e seen 3eneath the ri$h green $oat and a3o.e the 3la$k 3oots that deli$atel" trod the re.etment+ and per$hed o.er the netted $hignon, one of the impertinent little flat 4pork;pie5 hats with a deli$ate tuft of egret plumes at the side8a milliner" st"le that the resident ladies of ("me would not dare to wear for at least another "ear+ while the taller man, impe$$a3l" in a light gra", with his top hat held in his free hand, had se.erel" redu$ed his dundrearies, whi$h the ar3iters of the 3est #nglish male fashion had de$lared a shade .ulgar8that is, risi3le to the foreigner8a "ear or two pre.iousl"' *he $olors of the "oung lad"2s $lothes would strike us toda" as distin$tl" strident+ 3ut the world was then in the first fine throes of the dis$o.er" of aniline d"es' And what the feminine, 3" wa" of $ompensation for so mu$h else in her e)pe$ted 3eha.ior, demanded of a $olor was 3rillian$e, not dis$retion' ?ut where the teles$opist would ha.e 3een at sea himself was with the other figure on that som3er, $ur.ing mole' It stood right at the seawardmost end, apparentl" leaning against an old $annon 3arrel upended as a 3ollard' Its $lothes were 3la$k' *he wind mo.ed them, 3ut the figure stood mo; tionless, staring, staring out to sea, more like a li.ing memorial to the drowned, a figure from m"th, than an" proper fragment of the pett" pro.in$ial da"'
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In that "ear (18E1) there were some 8,1EE,FFF females of the age of ten upwards in the ?ritish population, as $ompared with B,AFF,FFF males' Alread" it will 3e $lear that if the a$$epted destin" of the Gi$torian girl was to 3e$ome a wife and mother, it was unlikel" that there would 3e enough men to go round' 8#' R,16*,> /IH#, #uman $ocuments of the Victorian %olden Age
I2ll spread sail of sil.er and I2ll steer towards the sun, I2ll spread sail of sil.er and I2ll steer towards the sun, And m" false lo.e will weep, and ra" false lo.e will weep, And m" false lo.e will weep for me after I2m gone' 8:#6*;&,->*R1 7,(H6,>0 4As 6"l.ie :as :alking5
4M" dear *ina, we ha.e paid our homage to >eptune' !e will forgi.e us if we now turn our 3a$ks on him'5 41ou are not .er" galant.( 4:hat does that signif", pra"D5 4I should ha.e thought "ou might ha.e wished to prolong an opportunit" to hold m" arm without impropriet"'5 4!ow deli$ate we2.e 3e$ome'5 4:e are not in (ondon now'5 4At the >orth /ole, if I2m not mistaken'5 4I wish to walk to the end'5 And so the man, with a dr" look of despair, as if it might 3e his last, towards land, turned again, and the $ouple $ontinued down the &o33' 4And I wish to hear what passed 3etween "ou and /apa last *hursda"'5 41our aunt has alread" e)tra$ted e.er" detail of that pleasant e.ening from me'5 *he girl stopped, and looked him in the e"es' 4&harlesI >ow &harles, "ou ma" 3e as dr" a sti$k as "ou like with e.er"one else' ?ut "ou must not 3e sti$k;" with me'5 4*hen how, dear girl, are we e.er to 3e glued together in hol" matrimon"D5 4And "ou will keep "our low humor for "our $lu3'5 6he priml" made him walk on' 4I ha.e had a letter'5 4Ah' I feared "ou might' 7rom MamaD5 4I know that something happened ''' o.er the port'5 *he" walked on a few pa$es 3efore he answered+ for a moment &harles seemed in$lined to 3e serious, 3ut then $hanged his mind' 4I $onfess "our worth" father and I had a small philosophi$al disagreement'5 4*hat is .er" wi$ked of "ou'5 4I meant it to 3e .er" honest of me'5 4And what was the su3Ce$t of "our $on.ersationD5 41our father .entured the opinion that Mr' <arwin should 3e e)hi3ited
in a $age in the =oologi$al gardens' In the monke" house' I tried to e)plain some of the s$ientifi$ arguments 3ehind the <arwinian position' I was unsu$$essful' Et voila tout.( 4!ow $ould "ou8when "ou know /apa2s .iewsI5 4I was most respe$tful'5 4:hi$h means "ou were most hateful'5 4!e did sa" that he would not let his daughter marr" a man who $onsidered his grandfather to 3e an ape' ?ut I think on refle$tion he will re$all that in m" $ase it was a titled ape'5 6he looked at him then as the" walked, and mo.ed her head in a $urious sliding sidewa"s turn awa"+ a $hara$teristi$ gesture when she wanted to show $on$ern8in this $ase, o.er what had 3een reall" the greatest o3sta$le in her .iew to their ha.ing 3e$ome 3etrothed' !er father was a .er" ri$h man+ 3ut her grandfather had 3een a draper, and &harles2s had 3een a 3aronet' !e smiled and pressed the glo.ed hand that was hooked lightl" to his left arm' 4<earest, we ha.e settled that 3etween us' It is perfe$tl" proper that "ou should 3e afraid of "our father' ?ut I am not marr"ing him' And "ou forget that I2m a s$ientist' I ha.e written a monograph, so I must 3e' And if "ou smile like that, I shall de.ote all m" time to the fossils and none to "ou'5 4I am not disposed to 3e Cealous of the fossils'5 6he left an artful pause' 46in$e "ou2.e 3een walking on them now for at least a minute8and ha.en2t e.en deigned to remark them'5 !e glan$ed sharpl" down, and as a3ruptl" kneeled' /ortions of the &o33 are pa.ed with fossil;3earing stone' 4?" Co.e, look at this' Certhidium portlandicum. *his stone must $ome from the oolite at /ortland'5 4In whose quarries I shall $ondemn "ou to work in perpetuit"8if "ou don2t get to "our feet at on$e'5 !e o3e"ed her with a smile' 4>ow, am I not kind to 3ring "ou hereD And look'5 6he led him to the side of the rampart, where a line of flat stones inserted sidewa"s into the wall ser.ed as rough steps down to a lower walk' 4*hese are the .er" steps that 9ane Austen made (ouisa Musgro.e fall down in Persuasion.( 4!ow romanti$'5 40entlemen were romanti$ ''' then'5 4And are s$ientifi$ nowD 6hall we make the perilous des$entD5 4,n the wa" 3a$k'5 ,n$e again the" walked on' It was onl" then that he noti$ed, or at least reali=ed the se) of, the figure at the end' 40ood hea.ens, I took that to 3e a fisherman' ?ut isn2t it a womanD5
#rnestina peered8her gra", her .er" prett" e"es, were shortsighted, and all she $ould see was a dark shape' 4Is she "oungD5 4It2s too far to tell'5 4?ut I $an guess who it is' It must 3e poor *raged"'5 4*raged"D5 4A ni$kname' ,ne of her ni$knames'5 4And what are the othersD5 4*he fishermen ha.e a gross name for her'5 4M" dear *ina, "ou $an surel"84 4*he" $all her the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s ' ' ' :oman'5 4Indeed' And is she so ostra$i=ed that she has to spend her da"s out hereD5 46he is ''' a little mad' (et us turn' I don2t like to go near her'5 *he" stopped' !e stared at the 3la$k figure' 4?ut I2m intrigued' :ho is this 7ren$h lieutenantD5 4A man she is said to ha.e '''5 47allen in lo.e withD5 4:orse than that'5 4And he a3andoned herD *here is a $hildD5 4>o' I think no $hild' It is all gossip'5 4?ut what is she doing thereD5 4*he" sa" she waits for him to return'5 4?ut''' does no one $are for herD5 46he is a ser.ant of some kind to old Mrs' /oultene"' 6he is ne.er to 3e seen when we .isit' ?ut she li.es there' /lease let us turn 3a$k' I did not see her'5 ?ut he smiled' 4If she springs on "ou I shall defend "ou and pro.e m" poor gallantr"' &ome'5 6o the" went $loser to the figure 3" the $annon 3ollard' 6he had taken off her 3onnet and held it in her hand+ her hair was pulled tight 3a$k inside the $ollar of the 3la$k $oat8whi$h was 3i=arre, more like a man2s riding $oat than an" woman2s $oat that had 3een in fashion those past fort" "ears' 6he too was a stranger to the $rinoline+ 3ut it was equall" plain that that was out of o3li.ion, not knowledge of the latest (ondon taste' &harles made some trite and loud remark, to warn her that she was no longer alone, 3ut she did not turn' *he $ouple mo.ed to where the" $ould see her fa$e in profile+ and how her stare was aimed like a rifle at the farthest hori=on' *here $ame a stronger gust of wind, one that o3liged &harles to put his arm round #rnestina2s waist to support her, and o3liged the woman to $ling more firml" to the 3ollard' :ithout quite knowing wh", perhaps to show #rnestina how to sa" 3oo to a goose, he stepped forward as soon as the wind
allowed' 4M" good woman, we $an2t see "ou here without 3eing alarmed for "our safet"' A stronger squall84 6he turned to look at him8or as it seemed to &harles, through him' It was not so mu$h what was positi.el" in that fa$e whi$h remained with him after that first meeting, 3ut all that was not as he had e)pe$ted+ for theirs was an age when the fa.ored feminine look was the demure, the o3edient, the sh"' &harles felt immediatel" as if he had trespassed+ as if the &o33 3elonged to that fa$e, and not to the An$ient ?orough of ("me' It was not a prett" fa$e, like #rnestina2s' It was $ertainl" not a 3eautiful fa$e, 3" an" period2s standard or taste' ?ut it was an unforgetta3le fa$e, and a tragi$ fa$e' Its sorrow welled out of it as purel", naturall" and unstoppa3l" as water out of a woodland spring' *here was no artifi$e there, no h"po$ris", no h"steria, no mask+ and a3o.e all, no sign of madness' *he madness was in the empt" sea, the empt" hori=on, the la$k of reason for su$h sorrow+ as if the spring was natural in itself, 3ut unnatural in welling from a desert' Again and again, afterwards, &harles thought of that look as a lan$e+ and to think so is of $ourse not merel" to des$ri3e an o3Ce$t 3ut the effe$t it has' !e felt himself in that 3rief instant an unCust enem"+ 3oth pier$ed and deser.edl" diminished' *he woman said nothing' !er look 3a$k lasted two or three se$onds at most+ then she resumed her stare to the south' #rnestina plu$ked &harles2s slee.e, and he turned awa", with a shrug and a smile at her' :hen the" were nearer land he said, 4I wish "ou hadn2t told me the sordid fa$ts' *hat2s the trou3le with pro.in$ial life' #.er"one knows e.er"one and there is no m"ster"' >o roman$e'5 6he teased him then the s$ientist, the despiser of no.els'
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?ut a still more important $onsideration is that the $hief part of the organi=ation of e.er" li.ing $reature is due to inheritan$e+ and $onsequentl", though ea$h 3eing assuredl" is well fitted for its pla$e in nature, man" stru$tures ha.e now no .er" $lose and dire$t relations to present ha3its of life'
8<AR:I>, The )rigin of *pecies (18EJ)

,f all de$ades in our histor", a wise man would $hoose the eighteen;fifties to 3e "oung in' 80' M' 1,->0, Portrait of an Age
?a$k in his rooms at the :hite (ion after lun$h &harles stared at his fa$e in the mirror' !is thoughts were too .ague to 3e des$ri3ed' ?ut the" $omprehended m"sterious elements+ a sentiment of o3s$ure defeat not in an" wa" related to the in$ident on the &o33, 3ut to $ertain tri.ial things he had said at Aunt *ranter2s lun$h, to $ertain $hara$teristi$ e.asions he had made+ to whether his interest in paleontolog" was a suffi$ient use for his natural a3ilities+ to whether #rnestina would e.er reall" understand him as well as he understood her+ to a general sentiment of dislo$ated purpose originating perhaps in no more8as he finall" $on$luded8than the threat of a long and now wet afternoon to pass' After all, it was onl" 18AB' !e was onl" thirt"; two "ears old' And he had alwa"s asked life too man" questions' *hough &harles liked to think of himself as a s$ientifi$ "oung man and would pro3a3l" not ha.e 3een too surprised had news rea$hed him out of the future of the airplane, the Cet engine, tele.ision, radar what would ha.e astounded him was the $hanged attitude to time itself' *he supposed great miser" of our $entur" is the la$k of time+ our sense of that, not a disinterested lo.e of s$ien$e, and $ertainl" not wisdom, is wh" we de.ote su$h a huge proportion of the ingenuit" and in$ome of our so$ieties to finding faster wa"s of doing things8as if the final aim of mankind was to grow $loser not to a perfe$t humanit", 3ut to a perfe$t lightning flash' ?ut for &harles, and for almost all his $ontemporaries and so$ial peers, the time signature o.er e)isten$e was firml" adagio. *he pro3lem was not fitting in all that one wanted to do, 3ut spinning out what one did to o$$up" the .ast $olonnades of leisure a.aila3le' ,ne of the $ommonest s"mptoms of wealth toda" is destru$ti.e neurosis+ in his $entur" it was tranquil 3oredom' It is true that the wa.e of re.olutions in 1848, the memor" of the now e)tin$t &hartists, stood like a mountainous shadow 3ehind the period+ 3ut to man"8and to &harles8the most signifi$ant thing a3out those distant rum3lings had 3een their failure to erupt' *he Ksi)ties had 3een indisputa3l" prosperous+ an affluen$e had $ome to the artisanate and e.en to the la3oring $lasses that made the possi3ilit" of re.olution re$ede, at least in 0reat ?ritain, almost out of mind' >eedless to sa", &harles knew nothing of the 3ea.ered 0erman 9ew quietl" working, as
it so happened, that .er" afternoon in the ?ritish Museum li3rar"+ and whose work in those som3er walls was to 3ear su$h 3right red fruit' !ad "ou des$ri3ed that fruit, or the su3sequent effe$ts of its later indis$riminate $onsumption, &harles would almost $ertainl" not ha.e 3elie.ed "ou8and e.en though, in onl" si) months from this Mar$h of 18AB, the first .olume of +apital was to appear in !am3urg' *here were, too, $ountless personal reasons wh" &harles was unfitted for the agreea3le role of pessimist' !is grandfather the 3aronet had fallen into the se$ond of the two great $ategories of #nglish $ountr" squires $laret; swilling fo) hunters and s$holarl" $olle$tors of e.er"thing under the sun' !e had $olle$ted 3ooks prin$ipall"+ 3ut in his latter "ears had de.oted a deal of his mone" and mu$h more of his famil"2s patien$e to the e)$a.ation of the harmless hummo$ks of earth that pimpled his three thousand :iltshire a$res' &romle$hs and menhirs, flint implements and neolithi$ gra.es, he pursued them ruthlessl"+ and his elder son pursued the porta3le trophies Cust as ruthlessl" out of the house when he $ame into his inheritan$e' ?ut hea.en had punished this son, or 3lessed him, 3" seeing that he ne.er married' *he old man2s "ounger son, &harles2s father, was left well pro.ided for, 3oth in land and mone"' !is had 3een a life with onl" one traged"8the simultaneous death of his "oung wife and the still3orn $hild who would ha.e 3een a sister to the one; "ear;old &harles' ?ut he swallowed his grief' !e la.ished if not great affe$tion, at least a series of tutors and drill sergeants on his son, whom on the whole he liked onl" slightl" less than himself' !e sold his portion of land, in.ested shrewdl" in railwa" sto$k and un;shrewdl" at the gam3ling; ta3les (he went to Alma$k2s rather than to the Almight" for $onsolation), in short li.ed more as if he had 3een 3orn in 1BFL than 18FL, li.ed .er" largel" for pleasure ''' and died .er" largel" of it in 18EA' &harles was thus his onl" heir+ heir not onl" to his father2s diminished fortune8the 3a$$arat had in the end had its re.enge on the railwa" 3oom83ut e.entuall" to his un$le2s .er" $onsidera3le one' It was true that in 18AB the un$le showed, in spite of a $omprehensi.e re.ersion to the $laret, no sign of d"ing' &harles liked him, and his un$le liked &harles' ?ut this was 3" no means alwa"s apparent in their relationship' *hough he $on$eded enough to sport to shoot partridge and pheasant when $alled upon to do so, &harles adamantl" refused to hunt the fo)' !e did not $are that the pre" was uneata3le, 3ut he a3horred the unspeaka3ilit" of the hunters' *here was worse he had an unnatural fondness for walking instead of riding+ and walking was not a gentleman2s pastime e)$ept in the 6wiss Alps' !e had nothing .er" mu$h against the horse in itself, 3ut he had the 3orn naturalist2s
hatred of not 3eing a3le to o3ser.e at $lose range and at leisure' !owe.er, fortune had 3een with him' ,ne autumn da", man" "ears 3efore, he had shot at a .er" strange 3ird that ran from the 3order of one of his un$le2s wheatfields' :hen he dis$o.ered what he had shot, and its rarit", he was .aguel" angr" with himself, for this was one of the last 0reat ?ustards shot on 6alis3ur" /lain' ?ut his un$le was delighted' *he 3ird was stuffed, and fore.er after stared 3eadil", like an o$toroon turke", out of its glass $ase in the drawing room at :ins"att' !is un$le 3ored the .isiting gentr" intermina3l" with the stor" of how the deed had 3een done+ and whene.er he felt in$lined to disinherit8a su3Ce$t whi$h in itself made him go purple, sin$e the estate was in tail male 8he would re$o.er his a.un$ular kindness of heart 3" standing and staring at &harles2s immortal 3ustard' 7or &harles had faults' !e did not alwa"s write on$e a week+ and he had a sinister fondness for spending the afternoons at :ins"att in the li3rar", a room his un$le seldom if e.er used' !e had had gra.er faults than these, howe.er' At &am3ridge, ha.ing dul" $rammed his $lassi$s and su3s$ri3ed to the *hirt";nine Arti$les, he had (unlike most "oung men of his time) a$tuall" 3egun to learn something' ?ut in his se$ond "ear there he had drifted into a 3ad set and ended up, one fogg" night in (ondon, in $arnal possession of a naked girl' !e rushed from her plump &o$kne" arms into those of the &hur$h, horrif"ing his father one da" shortl" afterwards 3" announ$ing that he wished to take !ol" ,rders' *here was onl" one answer to a $risis of this magnitude the wi$ked "outh was dispat$hed to /aris' *here his tarnished .irginit" was soon 3la$kened out of re$ognition+ 3ut so, as his father had hoped, was his intended marriage with the &hur$h' &harles saw what stood 3ehind the sedu$ti.e appeal of the ,)ford Mo.ement8Roman &atholi$ism propria terra. !e de$lined to fritter his negati.e 3ut $omforta3le #nglish soul8 one part iron" to one part $on.ention8on in$ense and papal infalli3ilit"' :hen he returned to (ondon he fingered and skimmed his wa" through a do=en religious theories of the time, 3ut emerged in the $lear ,voyant trop pour nier- et trop pen pour s.assurer' a health" agnosti$'M :hat little 0od he managed to deri.e from e)isten$e, he found in >ature, not the ?i3le+ a hundred "ears earlier he would ha.e 3een a deist, perhaps e.en a pantheist' In $ompan" he would go to morning ser.i$e of a 6unda"+ 3ut on his own, he rarel" did'
NM *hough he would not ha.e termed himself so, for the .er" simple reason that the word was not $oined (3" !u)le") until 18BF+ 3" whi$h time it had 3e$ome mu$h needed'O
!e returned from his si) months in the &it" of 6in in 18EA' !is father had died three months later' *he 3ig house in ?elgra.ia was let, and &harles installed himself in a smaller esta3lishment in Hensington, more suita3le to a
"oung 3a$helor' *here he was looked after 3" a manser.ant, a $ook and two maids, staff of almost e$$entri$ modest" for one of his $onne$tions and wealth' ?ut he was happ" there, and 3esides, he spent a great deal of time tra.eling' !e $ontri3uted one or two essa"s on his Courne"s in remoter pla$es to the fashiona3le maga=ines+ indeed an enterprising pu3lisher asked him to write a 3ook after the nine months he spent in /ortugal, 3ut there seemed to &harles something rather infra dig.8and something de$idedl" too mu$h like hard work and sustained $on$entration8in authorship' !e to"ed with the idea, and dropped it' Indeed to"ing with ideas was his $hief o$$upation during his third de$ade' 1et he was not, adrift in the slow entire of Gi$torian time, essentiall" a fri.olous "oung man' A $han$e meeting with someone who knew of his grandfather2s mania made him reali=e that it was onl" in the famil" that the old man2s endless da"s of super.ising 3ewildered gangs of digging rusti$s were regarded as a Coke' ,thers remem3ered 6ir &harles 6mithson as a pioneer of the ar$haeolog" of pre;Roman ?ritain+ o3Ce$ts from his 3anished $olle$tion had 3een gratefull" housed 3" the ?ritish Museum' And slowl" &harles reali=ed that he was in temperament nearer to his grandfather than to either of his grandfather2s sons' <uring the last three "ears he had 3e$ome in$reasingl" interested in paleontolog"+ that, he had de$ided, was his field' !e 3egan to frequent the conversa/ioni of the 0eologi$al 6o$iet"' !is un$le .iewed the sight of &harles mar$hing out of :ins"att armed with his wedge hammers and his $olle$ting sa$k with disfa.or+ to his mind the onl" proper o3Ce$t for a gentleman to $arr" in the $ountr" was a riding $rop or a gun+ 3ut at least it was an impro.ement on the damned 3ooks in the damned li3rar"' !owe.er, there was "et one more la$k of interest in &harles that pleased his un$le e.en less' 1ellow ri33ons and daffodils, the insignia of the (i3eral /art", were anathema at :ins"att+ the old man was the most a=ure of *ories 8and had interest' ?ut &harles politel" refused all attempts to get him to stand for /arliament' !e de$lared himself without politi$al $on.i$tion' In se$ret he rather admired 0ladstone+ 3ut at :ins"att 0ladstone was the ar$h; traitor, the unmentiona3le' *hus famil" respe$t and so$ial la=iness $on.enientl" $losed what would ha.e 3een a natural $areer for him' (a=iness was, I am afraid, &harles2s distinguishing trait' (ike man" of his $ontemporaries he sensed that the earlier self;responsi3ilit" of the $entur" was turning into self;importan$e that what dro.e the new ?ritain was in$reasingl" a desire to seem respe$ta3le, in pla$e of the desire to do good for good2s sake' !e knew he was o.erfastidious' ?ut how $ould one write histor" with Ma$aula" so $lose 3ehindD 7i$tion or poetr", in the midst of the greatest gala)" of talent in the histor" of #nglish literatureD !ow
$ould one 3e a $reati.e s$ientist, with ("ell and <arwin still ali.eD ?e a statesman, with <israeli and 0ladstone polari=ing all the a.aila3le spa$eD 1ou will see that &harles set his sights high' Intelligent idlers alwa"s ha.e, in order to Custif" their idleness to their intelligen$e' !e had, in short, all the ?"roni$ ennui with neither of the ?"roni$ outlets genius and adulter"' ?ut though death ma" 3e dela"ed, as mothers with marriagea3le daughters ha.e 3een known to foresee, it kindl" alwa"s $omes in the end' #.en if &harles had not had the further prospe$ts he did, he was an interesting "oung man' !is tra.els a3road had regretta3l" ru33ed awa" some of that patina of profound humorlessness ($alled 3" the Gi$torian earnestness, moral re$titude, pro3it", and a thousand other misleading names) that one reall" required of a proper #nglish gentleman of the time' *here was outwardl" a $ertain $"ni$ism a3out him, a sure s"mptom of an inherent moral de$a"+ 3ut he ne.er entered so$iet" without 3eing ogled 3" the mamas, $lapped on the 3a$k 3" the papas and simpered at 3" the girls' &harles quite liked prett" girls and he was not a.erse to leading them, and their am3itious parents, on' *hus he had gained a reputation for aloofness and $oldness, a not unmerited reward for the neat wa"83" the time he was thirt" he was as good as a pole$at at the 3usiness8he would sniff the 3ait and then turn his tail on the hidden teeth of the matrimonial traps that endangered his path' !is un$le often took him to task on the matter+ 3ut as &harles was qui$k to point out, he was using damp powder' *he old man would grum3le' 4I ne.er found the right woman'5 4>onsense' 1ou ne.er looked for her'5 4Indeed I did' :hen I was "our age '''5 41ou li.ed for "our hounds and the partridge season'5 *he old fellow would stare gloomil" at his $laret' !e did not reall" regret ha.ing no wife+ 3ut he 3itterl" la$ked not ha.ing $hildren to 3u" ponies and guns for' !e saw his wa" of life sinking without tra$e' 4I was 3lind' ?lind'5 4M" dear un$le, I ha.e e)$ellent e"esight' &onsole "ourself' I too ha.e 3een looking for the right girl' And I ha.e not found her'5
4
:hat2s <,>#, is what remainsI Ah, 3lessed the" :ho lea.e $ompleted tasks of lo.e to sta" And answer mutel" for them, 3eing dead, (ife was not purposeless, though (ife 3e fled' 8MR6' >,R*,>, The 0ady of 0a %araye (18AP) Most ?ritish families of the middle and upper $lasses li.ed a3o.e their own $esspool''' 8#' R,16*,> /IH#, #uman $ocuments of the Victorian %olden Age
*he 3asement kit$hen of Mrs' /oultene"2s large Regen$" house, whi$h stood, an elegantl" $lear simile of her so$ial status, in a $ommanding position on one of the steep hills 3ehind ("me Regis, would no dou3t seem toda" almost intolera3le for its fun$tional inadequa$ies' *hough the o$$u; pants in 18AB would ha.e 3een quite $lear as to who was the t"rant in their li.es, the more real monster, to an age like ours, would 3e"ond dou3t ha.e 3een the enormous kit$hen range that o$$upied all the inner wall of the large and ill;lit room' It had three fires, all of whi$h had to 3e stoked twi$e a da", and riddled twi$e a da"+ and sin$e the smooth domesti$ running of the house depended on it, it $ould ne.er 3e allowed to go out' >e.er mind how mu$h a summer2s da" sweltered, ne.er mind that e.er" time there was a south; westerl" gale the monster 3lew 3la$k $louds of $hoking fumes8the remorseless furna$es had to 3e fed' And then the $olor of those wallsI *he" $ried out for some light shade, for white' Instead the" were a 3ilious leaden green8one that was, unknown to the o$$upants (and to 3e fair, to the t"rant upstairs), ri$h in arseni$' /erhaps it was fortunate that the room was damp and that the monster disseminated so mu$h smoke and grease' At least the deadl" dust was laid' *he sergeant maCor of this 6t"gian domain was a Mrs' 7airle", a thin, small person who alwa"s wore 3la$k, 3ut less for her widowhood than 3" temperament' /erhaps her sharp melan$hol" had 3een indu$ed 3" the sight of the endless torrent of lesser mortals who $as$aded through her kit$hen' ?utlers, footmen, gardeners, grooms, upstairs maids, downstairs maids8the" took Cust so mu$h of Mrs' /oultene"2s standards and wa"s and then the" fled' *his was .er" disgra$eful and $owardl" of them' ?ut when "ou are e)pe$ted to rise at si), to work from half past si) to ele.en, to work again from half past ele.en to half past four, and then again from fi.e to ten, and e.er" da", thus a hundred;hour week, "our reser.es of
gra$e and $ourage ma" not 3e .er" large' A legendar" summation of ser.ant feelings had 3een deli.ered to Mrs' /oultene" 3" the last 3utler 3ut four 4Madam, I should rather spend the rest of m" life in the poorhouse than li.e another week under this roof'5 6ome gra.el" dou3ted whether an"one $ould a$tuall" ha.e dared to sa" these words to the awesome lad"' ?ut the sentiment 3ehind them was understood when the man $ame down with his 3ags and $laimed that he had' #)a$tl" how the ill;named Mrs' 7airle" herself had stood her mistress so long was one of the lo$al wonders' Most pro3a3l" it was 3e$ause she would, had life so fallen out, ha.e 3een a Mrs' /oultene" on her own a$$ount' !er en." kept her there+ and also her dark delight in the domesti$ $atastrophes that des$ended so frequentl" on the house' In short, 3oth women were in$ipient sadists+ and it was to their ad.antage to tolerate ea$h other' Mrs' /oultene" had two o3sessions or two aspe$ts of the same o3session' ,ne was <irt8though she made some sort of e)$eption of the kit$hen, sin$e onl" the ser.ants li.ed there8and the other was Immoralit"' In neither field did an"thing untoward es$ape her eagle e"e' 6he was like some plump .ulture, endlessl" $ir$ling in her endless leisure, and endowed in the first field with a mira$ulous si)th sense as regards dust, fingermarks, insuffi$ientl" star$hed linen, smells, stains, 3reakages and all the ills that houses are heir to' A gardener would 3e dismissed for 3eing seen to $ome into the house with earth on his hands+ a 3utler for ha.ing a spot of wine on his sto$k+ a maid for ha.ing slut2s wool under her 3ed' ?ut the most a3omina3le thing of all was that e.en outside her house she a$knowledged no 3ounds to her authorit"' 7ailure to 3e seen at $hur$h, 3oth at matins and at e.ensong, on 6unda" was tantamount to proof of the worst moral la)it"' !ea.en help the maid seen out walking, on one of her rare free afternoons8one a month was the relu$tant allowan$e8with a "oung man' And hea.en also help the "oung man so in lo.e that he tried to approa$h Marl3orough !ouse se$retl" to keep an assignation for the gardens were a positi.e forest of humane man;traps84humane5 in this $onte)t referring to the fa$t that the great waiting Caws were untoothed, though quite powerful enough to 3reak a man2s leg' *hese iron ser.ants were the most $herished 3" Mrs' /oultene"' Them- she had ne.er dismissed' *here would ha.e 3een a pla$e in the 0estapo for the lad"+ she had a wa" of interrogation that $ould redu$e the sturdiest girls to tears in the first fi.e minutes' In her fashion she was an epitome of all the most $rassl" arrogant traits of the as$endant ?ritish #mpire' !er onl" notion of Custi$e was that she must 3e right+ and her onl" notion of go.ernment was an angr"
3om3ardment of the impertinent popula$e' 1et among her own $lass, a .er" limited $ir$le, she was renowned for her $harit"' And if "ou had disputed that reputation, "our opponents would ha.e produ$ed an in$ontro.erti3le pie$e of e.iden$e had not dear, kind Mrs' /oultene" taken in the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :omanD I need hardl" add that at the time the dear, kind lad" knew onl" the other, more 0re$ian, ni$kname' *his remarka3le e.ent had taken pla$e in the spring of 18AA, e)a$tl" a "ear 3efore the time of whi$h I write+ and it had to do with the great se$ret of Mrs' /oultene"2s life' It was a .er" simple se$ret' 6he 3elie.ed in hell' *he .i$ar of ("me at that time was a $omparati.el" eman$ipated man theologi$all", 3ut he also knew .er" well on whi$h side his pastoral 3read was 3uttered' !e suited ("me, a traditionall" (ow &hur$h $ongregation, .er" well' !e had the kna$k of a $ertain fer.id eloquen$e in his sermons+ and he kept his $hur$h free of $ru$ifi)es, images, ornaments and all other signs of the Romish $an$er' :hen Mrs' /oultene" enoun$ed to him her theories of the life to $ome, he did not argue, for in$um3ents of not nota3l" fat li.ings do not argue with ri$h parishioners' Mrs' /oultene"2s purse was as open to $alls from him as it was throttled where her thirteen domesti$s2 wages were $on$erned' In the winter (winter also of the fourth great $holera onslaught on Gi$torian ?ritain) of that pre.ious "ear Mrs' /oultene" had 3een a little ill, and the .i$ar had 3een as frequent a .isitor as the do$tors who so repeatedl" had to assure her that she was suffering from a tri.ial stoma$h upset and not the dreaded ,riental killer' Mrs' /oultene" was not a stupid woman+ indeed, she had a$uit" in pra$ti$al matters, and her future destination, like all matters pertaining to her $omfort, was a highl" pra$ti$al $onsideration' If she .isuali=ed 0od, !e had rather the fa$e of the <uke of :ellington+ 3ut !is $hara$ter was more that of a shrewd law"er, a 3reed for whom Mrs' /oultene" had mu$h respe$t' As she la" in her 3edroom she refle$ted on the terri3le mathemati$al dou3t that in$reasingl" haunted her+ whether the (ord $al$ulated $harit" 3" what one had gi.en or 3" what one $ould ha.e afforded to gi.e' !ere she had 3etter data than the .i$ar' 6he had gi.en $onsidera3le sums to the $hur$h+ 3ut she knew the" fell far short of the pres$ri3ed one;tenth to 3e parted with 3" serious $andidates for paradise' &ertainl" she had regulated her will to ensure that the a$$ount would 3e handsomel" 3alan$ed after her death+ 3ut 0od might not 3e present at the reading of that do$ument' 7urthermore it $han$ed, while she was ill, that Mrs' 7airle", who read to her from the ?i3le in the e.enings, pi$ked on the para3le of the widow2s mite' It had alwa"s seemed a grossl" unfair para3le to Mrs' /oultene"+ it now la" in her heart far
longer than the enteritis 3a$illi in her intestines' ,ne da", when she was $on.ales$ent, she took ad.antage of one of the soli$itous .i$ar2s .isits and $autiousl" e)amined her $ons$ien$e' At first he was in$lined to dismiss her spiritual worries' 4M" dear madam, "our feet are on the Ro$k' *he &reator is all;seeing and all;wise' It is not for us to dou3t !is mer$"8or !is Custi$e'5 4?ut supposing !e should ask me if m" $ons$ien$e is $learD5 *he .i$ar smiled' 41ou will repl" that it is trou3led' And with !is infinite $ompassion !e will84 4?ut supposing !e did notD5 4M" dear Mrs' /oultene", if "ou speak like this I shall ha.e to reprimand "ou' :e are not to dispute #is understanding'5 *here was a silen$e' :ith the .i$ar Mrs' /oultene" felt herself with two people' ,ne was her so$ial inferior, and an inferior who depended on her for man" of the pleasures of his ta3le, for a su3stantial fra$tion of the running $osts of his $hur$h and also for the happ" performan$e of his nonliturgi$al duties among the poor+ and the other was the representati.e of 0od, 3efore whom she had metaphori$all" to kneel' 6o her manner with him took often a 3i=arre and in$onsequential $ourse' It was de haut en os one moment, de has en haut the ne)t+ and sometimes she $ontri.ed 3oth positions all in one senten$e' 4If onl" poor 7rederi$k had not died' !e would ha.e ad.ised me'5 4<ou3tless' And his ad.i$e would ha.e resem3led mine' 1ou ma" rest assured of that' I know he was a &hristian' And what I sa" is sound &hristian do$trine'5 4It was a warning' A punishment'5 *he .i$ar ga.e her a solemn look' 4?eware, m" dear lad", 3eware' ,ne does not trespass lightl" on ,ur Maker2s prerogati.e'5 6he shifted her ground' >ot all the .i$ars in $reation $ould ha.e Custified her hus3and2s earl" death to her' It remained 3etween her and 0od+ a m"ster" like a 3la$k opal, that sometimes shone as a solemn omen and sometimes stood as a kind of sum alread" paid off against the amount of penan$e she might still owe' 4I ha.e gi.en' ?ut I ha.e not done good deeds'5 4*o gi.e is a most e)$ellent deed'5 4I am not like (ad" &otton'5 *his a3ruptl" se$ular des$ent did not surprise the .i$ar' !e was well aware, from pre.ious referen$es, that Mrs' /oultene" knew herself man" lengths 3ehind in that parti$ular ra$e for piet"' (ad" &otton, who li.ed some miles 3ehind ("me, was famous for her fanati$all" eleemos"nar" life' 6he
.isited, she presided o.er a missionar" so$iet", she had set up a home for fallen women8true, it was of su$h repentant se.erit" that most of the 3enefi$iaries of her Magdalen 6o$iet" s$ram3led 3a$k down to the pit of iniquit" as soon as the" $ould83ut Mrs' /oultene" was as ignorant of that as she was of *raged"2s more .ulgar ni$kname' *he .i$ar $oughed' 4(ad" &otton is an e)ample to us all'5 *his was oil on the flames8as he was perhaps not unaware' 4I should .isit'5 4*hat would 3e e)$ellent'5 4It is that .isiting alwa"s so distresses me'5 *he .i$ar was unhelpful' 4I know it is wi$ked of me'5 4&ome $ome'5 41es' Ger" wi$ked'5 A long silen$e followed, in whi$h the .i$ar meditated on his dinner, still an hour awa", and Mrs' /oultene" on her wi$kedness' 6he then $ame out, with an una$$ustomed timidit", with a $ompromise solution to her dilemma' 4If "ou knew of some lad", some refined person who has $ome upon ad.erse $ir$umstan$es '''5 4I am not quite $lear what "ou intend'5 4I wish to take a $ompanion' I ha.e diffi$ult" in writing now' And Mrs' 7airle" reads so poorl"' I should 3e happ" to pro.ide a home for su$h a person'5 4Ger" well' If "ou so wish it' I will make inquiries'5 Mrs' /oultene" flin$hed a little from this proposed wild $asting of herself upon the 3osom of true &hristianit"' 46he must 3e of irreproa$ha3le moral $hara$ter' I ha.e m" ser.ants to $onsider'5 4M" dear lad", of $ourse, of $ourse'5 *he .i$ar stood' 4And prefera3l" without relations' *he relations of one2s dependents $an 3e$ome so .er" tiresome'5 4Rest assured that I shall not present an"one unsuita3le'5 !e pressed her hand and mo.ed towards the door' 4And Mr' 7ors"the, not too "oung a person'5 !e 3owed and left the room' ?ut halfwa" down the stairs to the ground floor, he stopped' !e remem3ered' !e refle$ted' And perhaps an emotion not a3solutel" un$onne$ted with mali$e, a produ$t of so man" long hours of h"po$ris"8or at least a not alwa"s $omplete frankness8at Mrs' /oultene"2s 3om3a=ined side, at an" rate an impulse made him turn and go 3a$k to her drawing room' !e stood in the doorwa"' 4An eligi3le has o$$urred to me' !er name is 6arah :oodruff'5
5
, me, what profits it to put An idle $aseD If <eath were seen At first as <eath, (o.e had not 3een, ,r 3een in narrowest working shut, Mere fellowship of sluggish moods, ,r in his $oarsest 6at"r;shape !ad 3ruised the her3 and $rush2d the grape, And 3ask2d and 3atten2d in the woods' 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF) *he "oung people were all wild to see ("me'
89A># A-6*#>, Persuasion #rnestina had e)a$tl" the right fa$e for her age+ that is, small;$hinned, o.al, deli$ate as a .iolet' 1ou ma" see it still in the drawings of the great illustrators of the time8in /hi=2s work, in 9ohn (ee$h2s' !er gra" e"es and the paleness of her skin onl" enhan$ed the deli$a$" of the rest' At first meetings she $ould $ast down her e"es .er" prettil", as if she might faint should an" gentleman dare to address her' ?ut there was a minute tilt at the $orner of her e"elids, and a $orresponding tilt at the $orner of her lips8to e)tend the same $omparison, as faint as the fragran$e of 7e3ruar" .iolets8 that denied, .er" su3tl" 3ut quite unmistaka3l", her apparent total o3eisan$e to the great god Man' An orthodo) Gi$torian would perhaps ha.e mistrusted that imper$epti3le hint of a ?e$k" 6harp+ 3ut to a man like &harles she pro.ed irresisti3le' 6he was so .er" nearl" one of the prim little moppets, the 0eorginas, Gi$torias, Al3ertinas, Matildas and the rest who sat in their $losel" guarded do=ens at e.er" 3all+ "et not quite' :hen &harles departed from Aunt *ranter2s house in ?road 6treet to stroll a hundred pa$es or so down to his hotel, there gra.el"8are not all de$lared lo.ers the world2s foolD8to mount the stairs to his rooms and interrogate his good;looking fa$e in the mirror, #rnestine e)$used herself and went to her room' 6he wanted to $at$h a last glimpse of her 3etrothed through the la$e $urtains+ and she also wanted to 3e in the onl" room in her aunt2s house that she $ould reall" tolerate'
!a.ing dul" admired the wa" he walked and espe$iall" the manner in whi$h he raised his top hat to Aunt *ranter2s maid, who happened to 3e out on an errand+ and hated him for doing it, 3e$ause the girl had pert little <orset peasant e"es and a pro.okingl" pink $omple)ion, and &harles had 3een stri$tl" for3idden e.er to look again at an" woman under the age of si)t"8a $ondition Aunt *ranter mer$ifull" es$aped 3" Cust one "ear8 #rnestina turned 3a$k into her room' It had 3een furnished for her and to her taste, whi$h was emphati$all" 7ren$h+ as hea." then as the #nglish, 3ut a little more gilt and fan$iful' *he rest of Aunt *ranter2s house was ine)ora3l", massi.el", irrefuta3l" in the st"le of a quarter;$entur" 3efore that is, a museum of o3Ce$ts $reated in the first fine reCe$tion of all things de$adent, light and gra$eful, and to whi$h the memor" or morals of the odious /rinn", 0eorge IG, $ould 3e atta$hed' >o3od" $ould dislike Aunt *ranter+ e.en to $ontemplate 3eing angr" with that inno$entl" smiling and talking8 espe$iall" talking8fa$e was a3surd' 6he had the profound optimism of su$$essful old maids+ solitude either sours or tea$hes self;dependen$e' Aunt *ranter had 3egun 3" making the 3est of things for herself, and ended 3" making the 3est of them for the rest of the world as well' !owe.er, #rnestina did her 3est to 3e angr" with her+ on the impossi3ilit" of ha.ing dinner at fi.e+ on the su3Ce$t of the funereal furniture that $hoked the other rooms+ on the su3Ce$t of her aunt2s o.ersoli$itude for her fair name (she would not 3elie.e that the 3ridegroom and 3ride;to;3e might wish to sit alone, and walk out alone)+ and a3o.e all on the su3Ce$t of #rnestina2s 3eing in ("me at all' *he poor girl had had to suffer the agon" of e.er" onl" $hild sin$e time 3egan8that is, a $rushing and unrelenting $anop" of parental worr"' 6in$e 3irth her slightest $ough would 3ring do$tors+ sin$e pu3ert" her slightest whim summoned de$orators and dressmakers+ and alwa"s her slightest frown $aused her mama and papa se$ret hours of self;re$rimination' >ow this was all .er" well when it $ame to new dresses and new wall hangings, 3ut there was one matter upon whi$h all her ouderies and $omplaints made no impression' And that was her health' !er mother and father were $on.in$ed she was $onsumpti.e' *he" had onl" to smell damp in a 3asement to mo.e house, onl" to ha.e two da"s2 rain on a holida" to $hange distri$ts' !alf !arle" 6treet had e)amined her, and found nothing+ she had ne.er had a serious illness in her life+ she had none of the letharg", the $hroni$ weaknesses, of the $ondition' 6he $ould ha.e8or $ould ha.e if she had e.er 3een allowed to8dan$ed all night+ and pla"ed, without the slightest ill effe$t, 3attledore all the ne)t morning' ?ut she was no more a3le to shift her
doting parents2 fi)ed idea than a 3a3" to pull down a mountain' !ad the" 3ut 3een a3le to see into the futureI 7or #rnestina was to outli.e all her generation' 6he was 3orn in 184A' And she died on the da" that !itler in.aded /oland' An indispensa3le part of her quite unne$essar" regimen was thus her annual sta" with her mother2s sister in ("me' -suall" she $ame to re$o.er from the season+ this "ear she was sent earl" to gather strength for the marriage' >o dou3t the &hannel 3ree=es did her some good, 3ut she alwa"s des$ended in the $arriage to ("me with the gloom of a prisoner arri.ing in 6i3eria' *he so$iet" of the pla$e was as up;to;date as Aunt *ranter2s lum3ering mahogan" furniture+ and as for the entertainment, to a "oung lad" familiar with the 3est that (ondon $an offer it was worse than nil' 6o her relation with Aunt *ranter was mu$h more that of a high;spirited $hild, an #nglish 9uliet with her flat;footed nurse, than what one would e)pe$t of nie$e and aunt' Indeed, if Romeo had not mer$ifull" appeared on the s$ene that pre.ious winter, and promised to share her penal solitude, she would ha.e mutinied+ at least, she was almost sure she would ha.e mutinied' #rnestina had $ertainl" a mu$h stronger will of her own than an"one a3out her had e.er allowed for8and more than the age allowed for' ?ut fortunatel" she had a .er" proper respe$t for $on.ention+ and she shared with &harles8it had not 3een the least part of the first attra$tion 3etween them8a sense of self;iron"' :ithout this and a sense of humor she would ha.e 3een a horrid spoiled $hild+ and it was surel" the fa$t that she did often so apostrophi=e herself (41ou horrid spoiled $hild5) that redeemed her' In her room that afternoon she un3uttoned her dress and stood 3efore her mirror in her $hemise and petti$oats' 7or a few moments she 3e$ame lost in a highl" nar$issisti$ self;$ontemplation' !er ne$k and shoulders did her fa$e Custi$e+ she was reall" .er" prett", one of the prettiest girls she knew' And as if to pro.e it she raised her arms and unloosed her hair, a thing she knew to 3e .aguel" sinful, "et ne$essar", like a hot 3ath or a warm 3ed on a winter2s night' 6he imagined herself for a trul" sinful moment as someone wi$ked8a dan$er, an a$tress' And then, if "ou had 3een wat$hing, "ou would ha.e seen something .er" $urious' 7or she suddenl" stopped turning and admiring herself in profile+ ga.e an a3rupt look up at the $eiling' !er lips mo.ed' And she hastil" opened one of the wardro3es and drew on a peignoir. 7or what had $rossed her mind8a $orner of her 3ed ha.ing $han$ed, as she pirouetted, to $at$h her e"e in the mirror8was a se)ual thought an imagining, a kind of diml" glimpsed (ao$oon em3ra$e of naked lim3s' It was not onl" her profound ignoran$e of the realit" of $opulation that
frightened her+ it was the aura of pain and 3rutalit" that the a$t seemed to require, and whi$h seemed to den" all that gentleness of gesture and dis$reetness of permitted $aress that so attra$ted her in &harles' 6he had on$e or twi$e seen animals $ouple+ the .iolen$e haunted her mind' *hus she had e.ol.ed a kind of pri.ate $ommandment8 those inaudi3le words were simpl" 4I must not58whene.er the ph"si$al female impli$ations of her 3od", se)ual, menstrual, parturitional, tried to for$e an entr" into her $ons$iousness' ?ut though one ma" keep the wol.es from one2s door, the" still howl out there in the darkness' #rnestina wanted a hus3and, wanted &harles to 3e that hus3and, wanted $hildren+ 3ut the pa"ment she .aguel" di.ined she would ha.e to make for them seemed e)$essi.e' 6he sometimes wondered wh" 0od had permitted su$h a 3estial .ersion of <ut" to spoil su$h an inno$ent longing' Most women of her period felt the same+ so did most men+ and it is no wonder that dut" has 3e$ome su$h a ke" $on$ept in our understanding of the Gi$torian age8or for that matter, su$h a wet 3lanket in our own'M
NM *he stan=as from 1n 2etnoriam I ha.e quoted at the 3eginning of this $hapter are .er" rele.ant here' 6urel" the oddest of all the odd arguments in that $ele3rated antholog" of after;life an)iet" is stated in this poem ())).)' *o $laim that lo.e $an onl" 3e 6at"r;shaped if there is no immortalit" of the soul is $learl" a pani$ flight from 7reud' !ea.en for the Gi$torians was .er" largel" hea.en 3e$ause the 3od" was left 3ehind8 along with the Id'O
!a.ing quelled the wol.es #rnestina went to her dressing ta3le, unlo$ked a drawer and there pulled out her diar", in 3la$k moro$$o with a gold $lasp' 7rom another drawer she took a hidden ke" and unlo$ked the 3ook' 6he turned immediatel" to the 3a$k page' *here she had written out, on the da" of her 3etrothal to &harles, the dates of all the months and da"s that la" 3etween it and her marriage' >eat lines were drawn alread" through two months+ some ninet" num3ers remained+ and now #rnestina took the i.or";topped pen$il from the top of the diar" and stru$k through Mar$h LAth' It still had nine hours to run, 3ut she ha3ituall" allowed herself this little $heat' *hen she turned to the front of the 3ook, or nearl" to the front, 3e$ause the 3ook had 3een a &hristmas present' 6ome fifteen pages in, pages of $lose handwriting, there $ame a 3lank, upon whi$h she had pressed a sprig of Casmine' 6he stared at it a moment, then 3ent to smell it' !er loosened hair fell o.er the page, and she $losed her e"es to see if on$e again she $ould summon up the most deli$ious, the da" she had thought she would die of Co", had $ried endlessl", the ineffa3le ' '' ?ut she heard Aunt *ranter2s feet on the stairs, hastil" put the 3ook awa", and 3egan to $om3 her lithe 3rown hair'
6
Ah Maud, "ou milk;white fawn, "ou are all unmeet for a wife' 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)
Mrs' /oultene"2s fa$e, that afternoon when the .i$ar made his return and announ$ement, e)pressed a nota3le ignoran$e' And with ladies of her kind, an unsu$$essful appeal to knowledge is more often than not a su$$essful appeal to disappro.al' !er fa$e was admira3l" suited to the latter sentiment+ it had e"es that were not *enn"son2s 4homes of silent pra"er5 at all, and lower $heeks, almost dewlaps, that pin$hed the lips together in $ondign reCe$tion of all that threatened her two life prin$iples the one 3eing (I will 3orrow *reits$hke2s sar$asti$ formulation) that 4&i.ili=ation is 6oap5 and the other, 4Respe$ta3ilit" is what does not gi.e me offense'5 6he 3ore some resem3lan$e to a white /ekinese+ to 3e e)a$t, to a stuffed /ekinese, sin$e she $arried $on$ealed in her 3osom a small 3ag of $amphor as a proph"la$ti$ against $holera '' ' so that where she was, was alwa"s also a deli$ate emanation of moth3alls' 4I do not know her'5 *he .i$ar felt snu33ed+ and wondered what would ha.e happened had the 0ood 6amaritan $ome upon Mrs' /oultene" instead of the poor tra.eler' 4I did not suppose "ou would' 6he is a &harmouth girl'5 4A girlD5 4*hat is, I am not quite sure of her age, a woman, a lad" of some thirt" "ears of age' /erhaps more' I would not like to ha=ard a guess'5 *he .i$ar was $ons$ious that he was making a poor start for the a3sent defendant' 4?ut a most distressing $ase' Most deser.ing of "our $harit"'5 4!as she an edu$ationD5 41es indeed' 6he was trained to 3e a go.erness' 6he was a go.erness'5 4And what is she nowD5 4I 3elie.e she is without emplo"ment'5
4:h"D5 4*hat is a long stor"'5 4I should $ertainl" wish to hear it 3efore pro$eeding'5 6o the .i$ar sat down again, and told her what he knew, or some (for in his 3ra.e attempt to sa.e Mrs' /oultene"2s soul, he de$ided to endanger his own) of what he knew, of 6arah :oodruff' 4*he girl2s father was a tenant of (ord Meriton2s, near ?eaminster' A farmer merel", 3ut a man of e)$ellent prin$iples and highl" respe$ted in that neigh3orhood' !e most wisel" pro.ided the girl with a 3etter edu$ation than one would e)pe$t'5 4!e is de$easedD5 46ome se.eral "ears ago' *he girl 3e$ame a go.erness to &aptain 9ohn *al3ot2s famil" at &harmouth'5 4:ill he gi.e a letter of referen$eD5 4M" dear Mrs' /oultene", we are dis$ussing, if I understood our earlier $on.ersation aright, an o3Ce$t of $harit", not an o3Ce$t of emplo"ment'5 6he 3o33ed, the nearest a$knowledgment to an apolog" she had e.er 3een known to muster' 4>o dou3t su$h a letter $an 3e o3tained' 6he left his home at her own request' :hat happened was this' 1ou will re$all the 7ren$h 3arque8I think she hailed from 6aint Malo8that was dri.en ashore under 6tone3arrow in the dreadful gale of last <e$em3erD And "ou will no dou3t re$all that three of the $rew were sa.ed and were taken in 3" the people of &harmouthD *wo were simple sailors' ,ne, I understand, was the lieutenant of the .essel' !is leg had 3een $rushed at the first impa$t, 3ut he $lung to a spar and was washed ashore' 1ou must surel" ha.e read of this'5 4Ger" pro3a3l"' I do not like the 7ren$h'5 4&aptain *al3ot, as a na.al offi$er himself, most kindl" $harged upon his household the $are of the ''' foreign offi$er' !e spoke no #nglish' And Miss :oodruff was $alled upon to interpret and look after his needs'5 46he speaks 7ren$hD5 Mrs' /oultene"2s alarm at this appalling dis$losure was nearl" enough to sink the .i$ar' ?ut he ended 3" 3owing and smiling ur3anel"' 4M" dear madam, so do most go.ernesses' It is not their fault if the world requires su$h attainments of them' ?ut to return to the 7ren$h gentleman' I regret to sa" that he did not deser.e that appellation'5 4Mr' 7ors"theI5 6he drew herself up, 3ut not too se.erel", in $ase she might free=e the poor man into silen$e' 4I hasten to add that no mis$ondu$t took pla$e at &aptain *al3ot2s' ,r indeed, so far as Miss :oodruff is $on$erned, at an" su3sequent pla$e or
time' I ha.e Mr' 7urse";!arris2s word for that' !e knows the $ir$umstan$es far 3etter than I'5 *he person referred to was the .i$ar of &harmouth' 4?ut the 7ren$hman managed to engage Miss :oodruff2s affe$tions' :hen his leg was mended he took $oa$h to :e"mouth, there, or so it was generall" supposed, to find a passage home' *wo da"s after he had gone Miss :oodruff requested Mrs' *al3ot, in the most urgent terms, to allow her to lea.e her post' I am told that Mrs' *al3ot tried to e)tra$t the woman2s reasons' ?ut without su$$ess'5 4And she let her lea.e without noti$eD5 *he .i$ar adroitl" sei=ed his $han$e' 4I agree8it was most foolish' 6he should ha.e known 3etter' !ad Miss :oodruff 3een in wiser emplo" I ha.e no dou3t this sad 3usiness would not ha.e taken pla$e'5 !e left a pause for Mrs' /oultene" to grasp the implied $ompliment' 4I will make m" stor" short' Miss :oodruff Coined the 7ren$hman in :e"mouth' !er $ondu$t is highl" to 3e repro3ated, 3ut I am informed that she lodged with a female $ousin'5 4*hat does not e)$use her in m" e"es'5 4Assuredl" not' ?ut "ou must remem3er that she is not a lad" 3orn' *he lower $lasses are not so s$rupulous a3out appearan$es as oursel.es' 7urthermore I ha.e omitted to tell "ou that the 7ren$hman had plighted his troth' Miss :oodruff went to :e"mouth in the 3elief that she was to marr"'5 4?ut was he not a &atholi$D5 Mrs' /oultene" saw herself as a pure /atmos in a raging o$ean of poper"' 4I am afraid his $ondu$t shows he was without an" &hristian faith' ?ut no dou3t he told her he was one of our unfortunate $oreligionists in that misguided $ountr"' After some da"s he returned to 7ran$e, promising Miss :oodruff that as soon as he had seen his famil" and pro.ided himself with a new ship8another of his lies was that he was to 3e promoted $aptain on his return8he would $ome 3a$k here, to ("me itself, marr" her, and take her awa" with him' 6in$e then she has waited' It is quite $lear that the man was a heartless de$ei.er' >o dou3t he hoped to pra$ti$e some a3omination upon the poor $reature in :e"mouth' And when her strong &hristian prin$iples showed him the futilit" of his purposes, he took ship'5 4And what has happened to her sin$eD 6urel" Mrs' *al3ot did not take her 3a$kD5 4Madam, Mrs' *al3ot is a somewhat e$$entri$ lad"' 6he offered to do so' ?ut I now $ome to the sad $onsequen$es of m" stor"' Miss :oodruff is not insane' 7ar from it' 6he is perfe$tl" a3le to perform an" duties that ma" 3e
gi.en to her' ?ut she suffers from gra.e atta$ks of melan$holia' *he" are dou3tless partl" attri3uta3le to remorse' ?ut also, I fear, to her fi)ed delusion that the lieutenant is an honora3le man and will one da" return to her' 7or that reason she ma" 3e frequentl" seen haunting the sea approa$hes to our town' Mr' 7urse";!arris himself has earnestl" endea.ored to show to the woman the hopelessness, not to sa" the impropriet", of her 3eha.ior' >ot to put too fine a point upon it, madam, she is slightl" $ra=ed'5 *here was a silen$e then' *he .i$ar resigned himself to a pagan god8 that of $han$e' !e sensed that Mrs' /oultene" was $al$ulating' !er opinion of herself required her to appear sho$ked and alarmed at the idea of allowing su$h a $reature into Marl3orough !ouse' ?ut there was 0od to 3e a$$ounted to' 46he has relati.esD5 4I understand not'5 4!ow has she supported herself sin$e '''D5 4Most pitifull"' I understand she has 3een doing a little needlework' I think Mrs' *ranter has emplo"ed her in su$h work' ?ut she has 3een li.ing prin$ipall" on her sa.ings from her pre.ious situation'5 46he has sa.ed, then'5 *he .i$ar 3reathed again' 4If "ou take her in, madam, I think she will 3e trul" sa.ed'5 !e pla"ed his trump $ard' 4And perhaps8though it is not for me to Cudge "our $ons$ien$e8she ma" in her turn sa.e'5 Mrs' /oultene" suddenl" had a da==ling and hea.enl" .ision+ it was of (ad" &otton, with her saintl" nose out of Coint' 6he frowned and stared at her deep;piled $arpet' 4I should like Mr' 7urse";!arris to $all'5 And a week later, a$$ompanied 3" the .i$ar of ("me, he $alled, sipped madeira, and said8and omitted8as his e$$lesiasti$al $olleague had ad.ised' Mrs' *al3ot pro.ided an intermina3le letter of referen$e, whi$h did more harm than good, sin$e it failed disgra$efull" to $ondemn suffi$ientl" the go.erness2s $ondu$t' ,ne phrase in parti$ular angered Mrs' /oultene"' 4Monsieur Garguennes was a person of $onsidera3le $harm, and &aptain *al3ot wishes me to suggest to "ou that a sailor2s life is not the 3est s$hool of morals'5 >or did it interest her that Miss 6arah was a 4skilled and dutiful tea$her5 or that 4M" infants ha.e deepl" missed her'5 ?ut Mrs' *al3ot2s patent la)it" of standard and foolish sentimentalit" finall" helped 6arah with Mrs' /oultene"+ the" set her a $hallenge' 6o 6arah $ame for an inter.iew, a$$ompanied 3" the .i$ar' 6he se$retl"
pleased Mrs' /oultene" from the start, 3" seeming so $ast down, so annihilated 3" $ir$umstan$e' It was true that she looked suspi$iousl" what she indeed was8 nearer twent";fi.e than 4thirt" or perhaps more'5 ?ut there was her onl" too .isi3le sorrow, whi$h showed she was a sinner, and Mrs' /oultene" wanted nothing to do with an"one who did not look .er" $learl" to 3e in that $ategor"' And there was her reser.e, whi$h Mrs' /oultene" took upon herself to interpret as a mute gratitude' A3o.e all, with the memor" of so man" departed domesti$s 3ehind her, the old lad" a3horred impertinen$e and forwardness, terms s"non"mous in her e)perien$e with speaking 3efore 3eing spoken to and anti$ipating her demands, whi$h depri.ed her of the pleasure of demanding wh" the" had not 3een anti$ipated' *hen, at the .i$ar2s suggestion, she di$tated a letter' *he handwriting was e)$ellent, the spelling faultless' 6he set a more $unning test' 6he passed 6arah her ?i3le and made her read' Mrs' /oultene" had de.oted some thought to the $hoi$e of passage+ and had 3een sadl" torn 3etween /salm 11J (4?lessed are the undefiled5) and /salm 14F (4<eli.er me, , (ord, from the e.il man5)' 6he had finall" $hosen the former+ and listened not onl" to the reading .oi$e, 3ut also for an" fatal sign that the words of the psalmist were not 3eing taken .er" mu$h to the reader2s heart' 6arah2s .oi$e was firm, rather deep' It retained tra$es of a rural a$$ent, 3ut in those da"s a genteel a$$ent was not the great so$ial requisite it later 3e$ame' *here were men in the !ouse of (ords, dukes e.en, who still kept tra$es of the a$$ent of their pro.in$e+ and no one thought an" the worse of them' /erhaps it was 3" $ontrast with Mrs' 7airle"2s uninspired stum3ling that the .oi$e first satisfied Mrs' /oultene"' ?ut it $harmed her+ and so did the demeanor of the girl as she read 4, that m" wa"s were dire$ted to keep *h" statutesI5 *here remained a 3rief interrogation' 4Mr' 7ors"the informs me that "ou retain an atta$hment to the foreign person'5 4I do not wish to speak of it, ma2m'5 >ow if an" maid had dared to sa" su$h a thing to Mrs' /oultene", the $ies 1rae would ha.e followed' ?ut this was spoken openl", without fear, "et respe$tfull"+ and for on$e Mrs' /oultene" let a golden opportunit" for 3ull"ing pass' 4I will not ha.e 7ren$h 3ooks in m" house'5 4I possess none' >or #nglish, ma2m'5 6he possessed none, I ma" add, 3e$ause the" were all sold+ not 3e$ause she was an earl" forerunner of the egregious M$(uhan'
41ou ha.e surel" a ?i3leD5 *he girl shook her head' *he .i$ar inter.ened' 4I will attend to that, m" dear Mrs' /oultene"'5 4I am told "ou are $onstant in "our attendan$e at di.ine ser.i$e'5 41es, ma2m'5 4(et it remain so' 0od $onsoles us in all ad.ersit"'5 4I tr" to share "our 3elief, ma2m'5 Mrs' /oultene" put her most diffi$ult question, one the .i$ar had in fa$t pre.iousl" requested her not to ask' 4:hat if this ''' person returns+ what thenD5 ?ut again 6arah did the 3est possi3le thing she said nothing, and simpl" 3owed her head and shook it' In her in$reasingl" fa.ora3le mood Mrs' /oultene" allowed this to 3e an indi$ation of spee$hless repentan$e' 6o she entered upon her good deed' It had not o$$urred to her, of $ourse, to ask wh" 6arah, who had refused offers of work from less sternl" &hristian souls than Mrs' /oultene"2s, should wish to enter her house' *here were two .er" simple reasons' ,ne was that Marl3orough !ouse $ommanded a magnifi$ent prospe$t of ("me ?a"' *he other was e.en simpler' 6he had e)a$tl" se.enpen$e in the world'
7
*he e)traordinar" produ$ti.eness of modern industr" ' ' ' allows of the unprodu$ti.e emplo"ment of a larger and larger part of the working $lass, and the $onsequent reprodu$tion, on a $onstantl" e)tending s$ale, of the an$ient domesti$ sla.es under the name of a ser.ant $lass, in$luding men; ser.ants, women;ser.ants, la$ke"s, et$' 8MARX, Capital (18AB)
*he morning, when 6am drew the $urtains, flooded in upon &harles as Mrs' /oultene"8then still audi3l" asleep8would ha.e wished paradise to flood in upon her, after a suita3l" solemn pause, when she died' A do=en times or so a "ear the $limate of the mild <orset $oast "ields su$h da"s8not Cust
agreea3l" mild out;of;season da"s, 3ut ra.ishing fragments of Mediterranean warmth and luminosit"' >ature goes a little mad then' 6piders that should 3e hi3ernating run o.er the 3aking >o.em3er ro$ks+ 3la$k3irds sing in <e$em3er, primroses rush out in 9anuar"+ and Mar$h mimi$s 9une' &harles sat up, tore off his night$ap, made 6am throw open the windows and, supporting himself on his hands, stared at the sunlight that poured into the room' *he slight gloom that had oppressed him the pre.ious da" had 3lown awa" with the $louds' !e felt the warm spring air $aress its wa" through his half;opened nightshirt onto his 3are throat' 6am stood stropping his ra=or, and steam rose in.itingl", with a kind of /roustian ri$hness of e.o$ation8so man" su$h happ" da"s, so mu$h assuran$e of position, order, $alm, $i.ili=ation, out of the $opper Cug he had 3rought with him' In the $o33led street 3elow, a rider $lopped pea$efull" down towards the sea' A slightl" 3older 3ree=e mo.ed the sha33" red .el.et $urtains at the window+ 3ut in that light e.en the" looked 3eautiful' All was supremel" well' *he world would alwa"s 3e this, and this moment' *here was a patter of small hoo.es, a restless 3aa;ing and mewling' &harles rose and looked out of the window' *wo old men in gaufer;stit$hed smo$ks stood talking opposite' ,ne was a shepherd, leaning on his $rook' *wel.e ewes and rather more lam3s stood ner.ousl" in mid;street' 6u$h folk;$ostume reli$s of a mu$h older #ngland had 3e$ome pi$turesque 3" 18AB, though not rare+ e.er" .illage had its do=en or so smo$ked elders' &harles wished he $ould draw' Reall", the $ountr" was $harming' !e turned to his man' 4-pon m" word, 6am, on a da" like this I $ould $ontemplate ne.er setting e"es on (ondon again'5 4If "ou goes on a;standin2 in the hair, sir, "ou won2t, neither'5 !is master ga.e him a dr" look' !e and 6am had 3een together for four "ears and knew ea$h other rather 3etter than the partners in man" a supposedl" more intimate menage' 46am, "ou2.e 3een drinking again'5 4>o, sir'5 4*he new room is 3etterD5 41es, sir'5 4And the $ommonsD5 4Ger" ha$$epta3le, sir'5 34uod est demonstrandum. 1ou ha.e the hump on a morning that would make a miser sing' Ergo- "ou ha.e 3een drinking'5 6am tested the 3lade of the $utthroat ra=or on the edge of his small
thum3, with an e)pression on his fa$e that suggested that at an" moment he might $hange his mind and tr" it on his own throat+ or perhaps e.en on his smiling master2s' 4It2s that there kit$hen;girl2s at Mrs' *ranter2s, sir' I ain2t Kalf going to ' ' '5 4Hindl" put that instrument down' And e)plain "ourself'5 4I sees her' <ahn out there'5 !e Cerked his thum3 at the window' 4Right a$ross the street she $alls'5 4And what did she $all, pra"D5 6am2s e)pression deepened to the impending outrage' 45A.e "er got a 3ag o5 sootD25 !e paused 3leakl"' 46ir'5 &harles grinned' 4I know the girl' *hat one in the gra" dressD :ho is so ugl" to look atD5 *his was unkind of &harles, sin$e he was speaking of the girl he had raised his hat to on the pre.ious afternoon, as nu3ile a little $reature as ("me $ould 3oast' 4>ot e)a$kl" hugl"' (eastwa"s in looks'5 4A;ha' 6o' &upid is 3eing unfair to &o$kne"s'5 6am flashed an indignant look' 4I woulden tou$h Ker with a 3argepoleI ?loomin2 milkmaid'5 4I trust "ou2re using the adCe$ti.e in its literal sense, 6am' 1ou ma" ha.e 3een, as "ou so frequentl" asse.erate, 3orn in a gin pala$e84 4>e)t door to one, sir'5 4In close pro)imit" to a gin pala$e, 3ut I will not ha.e "ou using its language on a da" like this'5 4It2s the Koomiliation, Mr' &harles' !all the hosslers Keard'5 As 4all the ostlers5 $omprehended e)a$tl" two persons, one of whom was stone deaf, &harles showed little s"mpath"' !e smiled, then gestured to 6am to pour him his hot water' 4>ow get me m" 3reakfast, there2s a good fellow' I2ll sha.e m"self this morning' And let me ha.e a dou3le dose of muffins'5 41es, sir'5 ?ut &harles stopped the disgruntled 6am at the door and a$$used him with the sha.ing 3rush' 4*hese $ountr" girls are mu$h too timid to $all su$h rude things at distinguished (ondon gentlemen8unless the"2.e first 3een sorel" pro.oked' I gra.el" suspe$t, 6am, that "ou2.e 3een fast'5 6am stood with his mouth open' 4And if "ou2re not dou3l" fast with m" rea5fast I shall fasten m" 3oot onto the posterior portion of "our misera3le anatom"'5 *he door was shut then, and none too gentl"' &harles winked at himself
in the mirror' And then suddenl" put a de$ade on his fa$e all gra.it", the solemn "oung paterfamilias+ then smiled indulgentl" at his own fa$es and euphoria+ poised, was plunged in affe$tionate $ontemplation of his features' !e had indeed .er" regular ones8a wide forehead, a mousta$he as 3la$k as his hair, whi$h was tousled from the remo.al of the night$ap and made him look "ounger than he was' !is skin was suita3l" pale, though less so than that of man" (ondon gentlemen8for this was a time when a suntan was not at all a desira3le so$ial;se)ual status s"m3ol, 3ut the re.erse an indi$ation of low rank' 1es, upon e)amination, it was a faintl" foolish fa$e, at su$h a moment' A tin" wa.e of the pre.ious da"2s ennui washed 3a$k o.er him' *oo inno$ent a fa$e, when it was stripped of its formal outdoor mask+ too little a$hie.ed' *here was reall" onl" the <ori$ nose, the $ool gra" e"es' ?reeding and self;knowledge, he most legi3l" had' !e 3egan to $o.er the am3iguous fa$e in lather' 6am was some ten "ears his Cunior+ too "oung to 3e a good manser.ant and 3esides, a3sentminded, $ontentious, .ain, fan$"ing himself sharp+ too fond of drolling and idling, lean ing with a straw;haulm or sprig of parsle" $o$ked in the $orner of his mouth+ of pla"ing the horse fan$ier or of $at$hing sparrows under a sie.e when he was 3eing 3awled for upstairs' ,f $ourse to us an" &o$kne" ser.ant $alled 6am e.okes immediatel" the immortal :eller+ and it was $ertainl" from that 3a$kground that this 6am had emerged' ?ut thirt" "ears had passed sin$e Pic5wic5 Papers first $orus$ated into the world' 6am2s lo.e of the equine was not reall" .er" deep' !e was more like some modern working;$lass man who thinks a keen knowledge of $ars a sign of his so$ial progress' !e e.en knew of 6am :eller, not from the 3ook, 3ut from a stage .ersion of it+ and knew the times had $hanged' !is generation of &o$kne"s were a $ut a3o.e all that+ and if he haunted the sta3les it was prin$ipall" to show that $ut;a3o.e to the pro.in$ial ostlers and pot3o"s' *he mid;$entur" had seen a quite new form of dand" appear on the #nglish s$ene+ the old upper;$lass .ariet", the etiolated des$endants of ?eau ?rummel, were known as 4swells5+ 3ut the new "oung prosperous artisans and would;3e superior domesti$s like 6am had gone into $ompetition sarto; riall"' *he" were $alled 4sno3s5 3" the swells themsel.es+ 6am was a .er" fair e)ample of a sno3, in this lo$ali=ed sense of the word' !e had a .er" sharp sense of $lothes st"le8 quite as sharp as a 4mod5 of the 1JAFs+ and he spent most of his wages on keeping in fashion' And he showed another mark of this new $lass in his struggle to $ommand the language' ?" 18BF 6am :eller2s famous ina3ilit" to pronoun$e . e)$ept as w, the
$enturies;old mark of the $ommon (ondoner, was as mu$h despised 3" the 4sno3s5 as 3" the 3ourgeois no.elists who $ontinued for some time, and quite ina$$uratel", to put it into the dialogue of their &o$kne" $hara$ters' *he sno3s2 struggle was mu$h more with the aspirate+ a fier$e struggle, in our 6am2s $ase, and more frequentl" lost than won' ?ut his wrong a2s and h2s were not reall" $omi$+ the" were signs of a so$ial re.olution, and this was something &harles failed to re$ogni=e' /erhaps that was 3e$ause 6am supplied something so .er" ne$essar" in his life8a dail" opportunit" for $hatter, for a lapse into s$hool3o"hood, during whi$h &harles $ould, so to speak, e)$rete his $hara$teristi$ and deplora3le fondness for la3ored puns and innuendoes a humor 3ased, with a singularl" re.olting purit", on edu$ational pri.ilege' 1et though &harles2s attitude ma" seem to add insult to the alread" gross enough inCur" of e$onomi$ e)ploitation, I must point out that his relationship with 6am did show a kind of affe$tion, a human 3ond, that was a good deal 3etter than the frigid 3arrier so man" of the new ri$h in an age dren$hed in new ri$hes were 3" that time ere$ting 3etween themsel.es and their domesti$s' *o 3e sure, &harles had man" generations of ser.ant;handlers 3ehind him+ the new ri$h of his time had none8 indeed, were .er" often the $hildren of ser.ants' !e $ould not ha.e imagined a world without ser.ants' *he new ri$h $ould+ and this made them mu$h more harshl" e)a$ting of their relati.e status' *heir ser.ants the" tried to turn into ma$hines, while &harles knew .er" well that his was also partl" a $ompanion8his 6an$ho /an=a, the low $omed" that supported his spiritual worship of #rnestina;<orothea' !e kept 6am, in short, 3e$ause he was frequentl" amused 3" him+ not 3e$ause there were not 3etter 4ma$hines5 to 3e found' ?ut the differen$e 3etween 6am :eller and 6am 7arrow (that is, 3etween 18PA and 18AB) was this the first was happ" with his role, the se$ond suffered it' :eller would ha.e answered the 3ag of soot, and with a .er3al .engean$e' 6am had stiffened, 4rose his hi3rows5 and turned his 3a$k'
*here rolls the deep where grew the tree, , earth, what $hanges hast thou seenI *here where the long street roars, hath 3een *he stillness of the $entral sea' *he hills are shadows, and the" flow 7rom form to form, and nothing stands+ *he" melt like mist, the solid lands, (ike $louds the" shape themsel.es and go' 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF) ?ut if "ou wish at on$e to do nothing and 3e respe$ta3le nowada"s, the 3est prete)t is to 3e at work on some profound stud" ' ' ' 8(#6(I# 6*#/!#>, *5etches from Cam ridge (18AE)
6am2s had not 3een the onl" dark fa$e in ("me that morning' #rnestina had woken in a mood that the 3rilliant promise of the da" onl" aggra.ated' *he ill was familiar+ 3ut it was out of the question that she should infli$t its $onsequen$es upon &harles' And so, when he $alled dutifull" at ten o2$lo$k at Aunt *ranter2s house, he found himself greeted onl" 3" that lad" #rnestina had passed a slightl" distur3ed night, and wished to rest' Might he not return that afternoon to take tea, when no dou3t she would 3e re$o.eredD &harles2s soli$itous inquiries8should the do$tor not 3e $alledD83eing politel" answered in the negati.e, he took his lea.e' And ha.ing $ommanded 6am to 3u" what flowers he $ould and to take them to the $harming in.alid2s house, with the permission and ad.i$e to proffer a 3lossom or two of his own to the "oung lad" so hostile to soot, for whi$h light dut" he might take the da" as his reward (not all Gi$torian emplo"ers were dire$tl" responsi3le for $ommunism), &harles fa$ed his own free hours' !is $hoi$e was eas"+ he would of $ourse ha.e gone where.er #rnestina2s health had required him to, 3ut it must 3e $onfessed that the fa$t that it was ("me Regis had made his pre;marital o3ligations delightfull" eas" to support' 6tone3arrow, ?la$k Gen, :are &liffs8these names ma" mean .er" little to "ou' ?ut ("me is situated in the $enter of one of the rare out$rops of a stone known as 3lue lias' *o the mere lands$ape enthusiast this stone is not attra$ti.e' An e)$eedingl" gloom" gra" in $olor, a petrified mud in te)ture, it is a good deal more for3idding than it is pi$turesque' It is also trea$herous, sin$e its strata are 3rittle and ha.e a tenden$" to slide, with the $onsequen$e that this little stret$h of twel.e miles or so of 3lue lias $oast has lost more land to the sea in the $ourse of histor" than almost an" other in #ngland' ?ut its highl" fossiliferous nature and its mo3ilit" make it a Me$$a for the
?ritish paleontologist' *hese last hundred "ears or more the $ommonest animal on its shores has 3een man8wielding a geologist2s hammer' &harles had alread" .isited what was perhaps the most famous shop in the ("me of those da"s8the ,ld 7ossil 6hop, founded 3" the remarka3le Mar" Anning, a woman without formal edu$ation 3ut with a genius for dis$o.ering good8and on man" o$$asions then un$lassified8spe$imens' 6he was the first person to see the 3ones of 1chthyosaurus platyodon; and one of the meanest disgra$es of ?ritish paleontolog" is that although man" s$ientists of the da" gratefull" used her finds to esta3lish their own reputation, not one nati.e t"pe 3ears the spe$ifi$ anningii. *o this distin; guished lo$al memor" &harles had paid his homage8and his $ash, for .arious ammonites and 1socrina he $o.eted for the $a3inets that walled his stud" in (ondon' !owe.er, he had one disappointment, for he was at that time spe$iali=ing in a 3ran$h of whi$h the ,ld 7ossil 6hop had few e)amples for sale' *his was the e$hinoderm, or petrified sea ur$hin' *he" are sometimes $alled tests (from the (atin testa- a tile or earthen pot)+ 3" Ameri$ans, sand dollars' *ests .ar" in shape, though the" are alwa"s perfe$tl" s"mmetri$al+ and the" share a pattern of deli$atel" 3urred striations' Quite apart from their s$ientifi$ .alue (a .erti$al series taken from ?ea$h" !ead in the earl" 18AFs was one of the first pra$ti$al $onfirmations of the theor" of e.olution) the" are .er" 3eautiful little o3Ce$ts+ and the" ha.e the added $harm that the" are alwa"s diffi$ult to find' 1ou ma" sear$h for da"s and not $ome on one+ and a morning in whi$h "ou find two or three is indeed a morning to remem3er' /erhaps, as a man with time to fill, a 3orn amateur, this is un$ons$iousl" what attra$ted &harles to them+ he had s$ientifi$ reasons, of $ourse, and with fellow ho33"ists he would sa" indignantl" that the Echinodermia had 3een 4shamefull" negle$ted,5 a familiar Custifi$ation for spending too mu$h time in too small a field' ?ut whate.er his moti.es he had fi)ed his heart on tests' >ow tests do not $ome out of the 3lue lias, 3ut out of the superimposed strata of flint+ and the fossil;shop keeper had ad.ised him that it was the area west of the town where he would do 3est to sear$h, and not ne$essaril" on the shore' 6ome half;hour after he had $alled on Aunt *ranter, &harles was on$e again at the &o33' *he great mole was far from isolated that da"' *here were fishermen tarring, mending their nets, tinkering with $ra3 and lo3ster pots' *here were 3etter;$lass people, earl" .isitors, lo$al residents, strolling 3eside the still swelling 3ut now mild sea' ,f the woman who stared, &harles noted, there was no sign' ?ut he did not gi.e her8or the &o338a se$ond thought and set out, with a qui$k and elasti$ step .er" different from his usual languid
town stroll, along the 3ea$h under :are &lee.es for his destination' !e would ha.e made "ou smile, for he was $arefull" equipped for his role' !e wore stout nailed 3oots and $an.as gaiters that rose to en$ase >orfolk 3ree$hes of hea." flannel' *here was a tight and a3surdl" long $oat to mat$h+ a $an.as wideawake hat of an indeterminate 3eige+ a massi.e ash; plant, whi$h he had 3ought on his wa" to the &o33+ and a .oluminous ru$ksa$k, from whi$h "ou might ha.e shaken out an alread" hea." arra" of hammers, wrappings, note3ooks, pill3o)es, ad=es and hea.en knows what else' >othing is more in$omprehensi3le to us than the methodi$alit" of the Gi$torians+ one sees it 3est (at its most ludi$rous) in the ad.i$e so li3erall" handed out to tra.elers in the earl" editions of ?aedeker' :here, one wonders, $an an" pleasure ha.e 3een leftD !ow, in the $ase of &harles, $an he not ha.e seen that light $lothes would ha.e 3een more $omforta3leD *hat a hat was not ne$essar"D *hat stout nailed 3oots on a 3oulder;strewn 3ea$h are as suita3le as i$e skatesD :ell, we laugh' ?ut perhaps there is something admira3le in this disso$iation 3etween what is most $omforta3le and what is most re$ommended' :e meet here, on$e again, this 3one of $ontention 3etween the two $enturies is dut"M to dri.e us, or notD If we take this o3session with dressing the part, with 3eing prepared for e.er" e.entualit", as mere stupidit", 3lindness to the empiri$al, we make, I think, a gra.e8or rather a fri.olous8mistake a3out our an$estors+ 3e$ause it was men not unlike &harles, and as o.erdressed and o.erequipped as he was that da", who laid the foundations of all our modern s$ien$e' *heir foll" in that dire$tion was no more than a s"mptom of their seriousness in a mu$h more important one' *he" sensed that $urrent a$$ounts of the world were inadequate+ that the" had allowed their windows on realit" to 3e$ome smeared 3" $on.ention, religion, so$ial stagnation+ the" knew, in short, that the" had things to dis$o.er, and that the dis$o.er" was of the utmost importan$e to the future of man' :e think (unless we li.e in a resear$h la3orator") that we ha.e nothing to dis$o.er, and the onl" things of the utmost importan$e to us $on$ern the present of man' 6o mu$h the 3etter for usD /erhaps' ?ut we are not the ones who will finall" Cudge'
NM I had 3etter here, as a reminder that mid;Gi$torian (unlike modern) agnosti$ism and atheism were related stri$tl" to theologi$al dogma, quote 0eorge #liot2s famous epigram 40od is in$on$ei.a3le, immortalit" is un3elie.a3le, 3ut dut" is peremptor" and a3solute'5 And all the more peremptor", one might add, in the presen$e of su$h a terri3le dual lapse of faith'O
6o I should not ha.e 3een too in$lined to laugh that da" when &harles, as he hammered and 3ent and e)amined his wa" along the shore, tried for
the tenth time to span too wide a gap 3etween 3oulders and slipped ignominiousl" on his 3a$k' >ot that &harles mu$h minded slipping, for the da" was 3eautiful, the liassi$ fossils were plentiful and he soon found himself $ompletel" alone' *he sea sparkled, $urlews $ried' A flo$k of o"ster $at$hers, 3la$k and white and $oral;red, flew on ahead of him, har3ingers of his passage' !ere there $ame sedu$ti.e ro$k pools, and dreadful heresies drifted a$ross the poor fellow2s 3rain8 would it not 3e more fun, no, no, more s$ientifi$all" .alua3le, to take up marine 3iolog"D /erhaps to gi.e up (ondon, to li.e in ("me ''' 3ut #rnestina would ne.er allow that' *here e.en $ame, I am happ" to re$ord, a thoroughl" human moment in whi$h &harles looked $autiousl" round, assured his $omplete solitude and then $arefull" remo.ed his stout 3oots, gaiters and sto$kings' A s$hool3o" moment, and he tried to remem3er a line from !omer that would make it a $lassi$al moment, 3ut was distra$ted 3" the ne$essit" of $at$hing a small $ra3 that s$uttled where the giganti$ su3aqueous shadow fell on its .igilant stalked e"es' 9ust as "ou ma" despise &harles for his o.er3urden of apparatus, "ou perhaps despise him for his la$k of spe$iali=ation' ?ut "ou must remem3er that natural histor" had not then the peCorati.e sense it has toda" of a flight from realit"8 and onl" too often into sentiment' &harles was a quite $ompetent ornithologist and 3otanist into the 3argain' It might perhaps ha.e 3een 3etter had he shut his e"es to all 3ut the fossil sea ur$hins or de.oted his life to the distri3ution of algae, if s$ientifi$ progress is what we are talking a3out+ 3ut think of <arwin, of The Voyage of the 6eagle. The )rigin of *pecies is a triumph of generali=ation, not spe$iali=ation+ and e.en if "ou $ould pro.e to me that the latter would ha.e 3een 3etter for &harles the ungifted s$ientist, I should still maintain the former was 3etter for &harles the human 3eing' It is not that amateurs $an afford to da33le e.er"where+ the" ought to da33le e.er"where, and damn the s$ientifi$ prigs who tr" to shut them up in some narrow ou liette. &harles $alled himself a <arwinist, and "et he had not reall" understood <arwin' ?ut then, nor had <arwin himself' :hat that genius had upset was the (innaean *cala 7aturae- the ladder of nature, whose great ke"stone, as essential to it as the di.init" of &hrist to theolog", was nulla species nova& a new spe$ies $annot enter the world' *his prin$iple e)plains the (innaean o3session with $lassif"ing and naming, with fossili=ing the e)istent' :e $an see it now as a foredoomed attempt to sta3ili=e and fi) what is in realit" a $ontinuous flu), and it seems highl" appropriate that (innaeus himself finall" went mad+ he knew he was in a la3"rinth, 3ut not that it was one whose walls and passages were eternall" $hanging' #.en <arwin ne.er quite
shook off the 6wedish fetters, and &harles $an hardl" 3e 3lamed for the thoughts that went through his mind as he ga=ed up at the lias strata in the $liffs a3o.e him' !e knew that nulla species nova was ru33ish+ "et he saw in the strata an immensel" reassuring orderliness in e)isten$e' !e might perhaps ha.e seen a .er" $ontemporar" so$ial s"m3olism in the wa" these gra";3lue ledges were $rum3ling+ 3ut what he did see was a kind of edifi$ialit" of time, in whi$h ine)ora3le laws (therefore 3enefi$entl" di.ine, for who $ould argue that order was not the highest human goodD) .er" $on.enientl" arranged themsel.es for the sur.i.al of the fittest and 3est, e!emplia gratia &harles 6mithson, this fine spring da", alone, eager and inquiring, understanding, a$$epting, noting and grateful' :hat was la$king, of $ourse, was the $orollar" of the $ollapse of the ladder of nature that if new spe$ies can $ome into 3eing, old spe$ies .er" often ha.e to make wa" for them' /ersonal e)tin$tion &harles was aware of8no Gi$torian $ould not 3e' ?ut general e)tin$tion was as a3sent a $on$ept from his mind that da" as the smallest $loud from the sk" a3o.e him+ and e.en though, when he finall" resumed his sto$kings and gaiters and 3oots, he soon held a .er" $on$rete e)ample of it in his hand' It was a .er" fine fragment of lias with ammonite impressions, e)quisitel" $lear, mi$ro$osms of ma$ro$osms, whirled gala)ies that &atherine;wheeled their wa" a$ross ten in$hes of ro$k' !a.ing dul" ins$ri3ed a la3el with the date and pla$e of finding, he on$e again hops$ot$hed out of s$ien$e8this time, into lo.e' !e determined to gi.e it to #rnestina when he returned' It was prett" enough for her to like+ and after all, .er" soon it would $ome 3a$k to him, with her' #.en 3etter, the in$reased weight on his 3a$k made it a la3or, as well as a gift' <ut", agreea3le $onformit" to the epo$h2s $urrent, raised its stern head' And so did the awareness that he had wandered more slowl" than he meant' !e un3uttoned his $oat and took out his sil.er half hunter' *wo o2$lo$kI !e looked sharpl" 3a$k then, and saw the wa.es lapping the foot of a point a mile awa"' !e was in no danger of 3eing $ut off, sin$e he $ould see a steep 3ut safe path Cust ahead of him whi$h led up the $liff to the dense woods a3o.e' ?ut he $ould not return along the shore' !is destination had indeed 3een this path, 3ut he had meant to walk qui$kl" to it, and then up to the le.els where the flint strata emerged' As a punishment to himself for his dilatoriness he took the path mu$h too fast, and had to sit a minute to re$o.er, sweating $opiousl" under the a3omina3le flannel' ?ut he heard a little stream near3" and quen$hed his thirst+ wetted his handker$hief and patted his fa$e+ and then he 3egan to look around him'
9
' ' ' this heart, I know, *o 3e long lo.2d was ne.er fram2d+ ?ut something in its depths doth glow *oo strange, too restless, too untamed' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 4A 7arewell5 (18EP)
I ga.e the two most o3.ious reasons wh" 6arah :oodruff presented herself for Mrs' /oultene"2s inspe$tion' ?ut she was the last person to list reasons, howe.er instin$ti.el", and there were man" others8indeed there must ha.e 3een, sin$e she was not unaware of Mrs' /oultene"2s reputation in the less ele.ated milieu! of ("me' 7or a da" she had 3een unde$ided+ then she had gone to see Mrs' *al3ot to seek her ad.i$e' >ow Mrs' *al3ot was an e)tremel" kindhearted 3ut a not .er" perspi$a$ious "oung woman+ and though she would ha.e liked to take 6arah 3a$k8indeed, had earlier firml" offered to do so8she was aware that 6arah was now in$apa3le of that sustained and da"long attention to her $harges that a go.erness2s duties require' And "et she still wanted .er" mu$h to help her' 6he knew 6arah fa$ed penur"+ and la" awake at nights imagining s$enes from the more romanti$ literature of her adoles$en$e, s$enes in whi$h star.ing heroines la" huddled on snow;$o.ered doorsteps or fe.ered in some 3are, leaking garret' ?ut one image8an a$tual illustration from one of Mrs' 6herwood2s edif"ing tales8summed up her worst fears' A pursued woman Cumped from a $liff' (ightning flashed, re.ealing the $ruel heads of her perse$utors a3o.e+ 3ut worst of all was the shrieking horror on the doomed $reature2s pallid fa$e and the wa" her $loak rippled upwards, .ast, 3la$k, a falling ra.en2s wing of terri3le death' 6o Mrs' *al3ot $on$ealed her dou3ts a3out Mrs' /oultene" and ad.ised 6arah to take the post' *he e);go.erness kissed little /aul and Girginia good3"e, and walked 3a$k to ("me a $ondemned woman' 6he trusted Mrs' *al3ot2s Cudgment+ and no intelligent woman who trusts a stupid one,
howe.er kind;hearted, $an e)pe$t else' 6arah was intelligent, 3ut her real intelligen$e 3elonged to a rare kind+ one that would $ertainl" pass undete$ted in an" of our modern tests of the fa$ult"' It was not in the least anal"ti$al or pro3lem;sol.ing, and it is no dou3t s"mptomati$ that the one su3Ce$t that had $ost her agonies to master was mathemati$s' >or did it manifest itself in the form of an" parti$ular .i.a$it" or wit, e.en in her happier da"s' It was rather an un$ann"8un$ann" in one who had ne.er 3een to (ondon, ne.er mi)ed in the world8a3ilit" to $lassif" other people2s worth to understand them, in the fullest sense of that word' 6he had some sort of ps"$hologi$al equi.alent of the e)perien$ed horse dealer2s skill8the a3ilit" to know almost at the first glan$e the good horse from the 3ad one+ or as if, Cumping a $entur", she was 3orn with a $omputer in her heart' I sa" her heart, sin$e the .alues she $omputed 3elong more there than in the mind' 6he $ould sense the pretensions of a hollow argument, a false s$holarship, a 3iased logi$ when she $ame a$ross them+ 3ut she also saw through people in su3tler wa"s' :ithout 3eing a3le to sa" how, an" more than a $omputer $an e)plain its own pro$esses, she saw them as the" were and not as the" tried to seem' It would not 3e enough to sa" she was a fine moral Cudge of people' !er $omprehension was 3roader than that, and if mere moralit" had 3een her tou$hstone she would not ha.e 3eha.ed as she did8the simple fa$t of the matter 3eing that she had not lodged with a female $ousin at :e"mouth' *his instin$tual profundit" of insight was the first $urse of her life+ the se$ond was her edu$ation' It was not a .er" great edu$ation, no 3etter than $ould 3e got in a third;rate "oung ladies2 seminar" in #)eter, where she had learned during the da" and paid for her learning during the e.ening8 and sometimes well into the night83" darning and other menial tasks' 6he did not get on well with the other pupils' *he" looked down on her+ and she looked up through them' *hus it had $ome a3out that she had read far more fi$tion, and far more poetr", those two san$tuaries of the lonel", than most of her kind' *he" ser.ed as a su3stitute for e)perien$e' :ithout reali=ing it she Cudged people as mu$h 3" the standards of :alter 6$ott and 9ane Austen as 3" an" empiri$all" arri.ed at+ seeing those around her as fi$tional $hara$ters, and making poeti$ Cudgments on them' ?ut alas, what she had thus taught herself had 3een .er" largel" .itiated 3" what she had 3een taught' 0i.en the .eneer of a lad", she was made the perfe$t .i$tim of a $aste so$iet"' !er father had for$ed her out of her own $lass, 3ut $ould not raise her to the ne)t' *o the "oung men of the one she had left she had 3e$ome too sele$t to marr"+ to those of the one she aspired to, she remained
too 3anal' *his father, he the .i$ar of ("me had des$ri3ed as 4a man of e)$ellent prin$iples,5 was the .er" re.erse, sin$e he had a fine $olle$tion of all the wrong ones' It was not $on$ern for his onl" daughter that made him send her to 3oarding s$hool, 3ut o3session with his own an$estr"' 7our generations 3a$k on the paternal side one $ame upon $learl" esta3lished gentlemen' *here was e.en a remote relationship with the <rake famil", an irrele.ant fa$t that had petrified graduall" o.er the "ears into the assumption of a dire$t lineal des$ent from the great 6ir 7ran$is' *he famil" had $ertainl" on$e owned a manor of sorts in that $old green no;man2s;land 3etween <artmoor and #)moor' 6arah2s father had three times seen it with his own e"es+ and returned to the small farm he rented from the .ast Meriton estate to 3rood, and plot, and dream' /erhaps he was disappointed when his daughter $ame home from s$hool at the age of eighteen8who knows what mira$les he thought would rain on himD8and sat a$ross the elm ta3le from him and wat$hed him when he 3oasted, wat$hing with a quiet reser.e that goaded him, goaded him like a pie$e of useless ma$hiner" (for he was 3orn a <e.on man and mone" means all to <e.on men), goaded him finall" into madness' !e ga.e up his tenan$" and 3ought a farm of his own+ 3ut he 3ought it too $heap, and what he thought was a $unning good 3argain turned out to 3e a sho$king 3ad one' 7or se.eral "ears he struggled to keep up 3oth the mortgage and a ridi$ulous fa$ade of gentilit"+ then he went quite literall" mad and was sent to <or$hester As"lum' !e died there a "ear later' ?" that time 6arah had 3een earning her own li.ing for a "ear8at first with a famil" in <or$hester, to 3e near her father' *hen when he died, she had taken her post with the *al3ots' 6he was too striking a girl not to ha.e had suitors, in spite of the la$k of a dowr" of an" kind' ?ut alwa"s then had her first and innate $urse $ome into operation+ she saw through the too $onfident pretendants' 6he saw their meannesses, their $ondes$ensions, their $harities, their stupidities' *hus she appeared ines$apa3l" doomed to the one fate nature had so $learl" spent man" millions of "ears in e.ol.ing her to a.oid spinsterhood' (et us imagine the impossi3le, that Mrs' /oultene" drew up a list of fors and againsts on the su3Ce$t of 6arah, and on the .er" da" that &harles was o$$upied in his highl" s$ientifi$ es$apade from the onerous duties of his engagement' At least it is $on$ei.a3le that she might ha.e done it that afternoon, sin$e 6arah, Miss 6arah at Marl3orough !ouse, was out' And let us start happil", with the $redit side of the a$$ount' *he first item would undou3tedl" ha.e 3een the least e)pe$ted at the time of
$ommittal a "ear 3efore' It $ould 3e written so 4A happier domesti$ atmosphere'5 *he astonishing fa$t was that not a single ser.ant had 3een sent on his, or her (statisti$all" it had in the past rather more often pro.ed to 3e the latter) wa"' It had 3egun, this 3i=arre $hange, one morning onl" a few weeks after Miss 6arah had taken up her duties, that is, her responsi3ilit" for Mrs' /oultene"2s soul' *he old lad" had dete$ted with her usual flair a gross dereli$tion of dut" the upstairs maid whose dut" it was unfailingl" ea$h *uesda" to water the ferns in the se$ond drawing room8Mrs' /oultene" kept one for herself and one for $ompan"8had omitted to do so' *he ferns looked greenl" forgi.ing+ 3ut Mrs' /oultene" was whitel" the $ontrar"' *he $ulprit was summoned' 6he $onfessed that she had forgotten+ Mrs' /oultene" might ponderousl" ha.e o.erlooked that, 3ut the girl had a list of two or three re$ent similar pe$$adilloes on her $harge sheet' !er knell had rung+ and Mrs' /oultene" 3egan, with the grim sense of dut" of a 3ulldog a3out to sink its teeth into a 3urglar2s ankles, to ring it' 4I will tolerate mu$h, 3ut I will not tolerate this'5 4I2ll ne.er do it again, mum'5 41ou will most $ertainl" ne.er do it again in m" house'5 4,h, mum' /lease, mum'5 Mrs' /oultene" allowed herself to sa.or for a few earnest, per$epti.e moments the girl2s tears' 4Mrs' 7airle" will gi.e "ou "our wages'5 Miss 6arah was present at this $on.ersation, sin$e Mrs' /oultene" had 3een di$tating letters, mostl" to 3ishops or at least in the tone of .oi$e with whi$h one addresses 3ishops, to her' 6he now asked a question+ and the effe$t was remarka3le' It was, to 3egin with, the first question she had asked in Mrs' /oultene"2s presen$e that was not dire$tl" $onne$ted with her duties' 6e$ondl", it ta$itl" $ontradi$ted the old lad"2s Cudgment' *hirdl", it was spoken not to Mrs' /oultene", 3ut to the girl' 4Are "ou quite well, MillieD5 :hether it was the effe$t of a s"mpatheti$ .oi$e in that room, or the girl2s $ondition, she startled Mrs' /oultene" 3" sinking to her knees, at the same time shaking her head and $o.ering her fa$e' Miss 6arah was swiftl" 3eside her+ and within the ne)t minute had esta3lished that the girl was indeed not well, had fainted twi$e within the last week, had 3een too afraid to tell an"one ''' :hen, some time later, Miss 6arah returned from the room in whi$h the maids slept, and where Millie had now 3een put to 3ed, it was Mrs' /oultene"2s turn to ask an astounding question'
4:hat am I to doD5 Miss 6arah had looked her in the e"es, and there was that in her look whi$h made her su3sequent words no more than a $on$ession to $on.ention' 4As "ou think 3est, ma2m'5 6o the rarest flower, forgi.eness, was gi.en a pre$arious footing in Marl3orough !ouse+ and when the do$tor $ame to look at the maid, and pronoun$ed green si$kness, Mrs' /oultene" dis$o.ered the per.erse pleasures of seeming trul" kind' *here followed one or two other in$idents, whi$h, if not so dramati$, took the same $ourse+ 3ut onl" one or two, sin$e 6arah made it her 3usiness to do her own forestalling tours of inspe$tion' 6arah had twigged Mrs' /oultene", and she was soon as adept at handling her as a skilled $ardinal, a weak pope+ though for no3ler ends' *he se$ond, more e)pe$ta3le item on Mrs' /oultene"2s h"potheti$al list would ha.e 3een 4!er .oi$e'5 If the mistress was defe$ti.e in more mundane matters where her staff was $on$erned, she took e)$eedingl" good $are of their spiritual welfare' *here was the mandator" dou3le .isit to $hur$h on 6unda"s+ and there was also a dail" morning ser.i$e8a h"mn, a lesson, and pra"ers8o.er whi$h the old lad" pompousl" presided' >ow it had alwa"s .e)ed her that not e.en her most terri3le stares $ould redu$e her ser.ants to that state of utter meekness and repentan$e whi$h she $onsidered their 0od (let alone hers) must require' *heir normal fa$e was a mi)ture of fear at Mrs' /oultene" and dum3 in$omprehension8like a3ashed sheep rather than $on.erted sinners' ?ut 6arah $hanged all that' !ers was $ertainl" a .er" 3eautiful .oi$e, $ontrolled and $lear, though alwa"s shaded with sorrow and often intense in feeling+ 3ut a3o.e all, it was a sin$ere .oi$e' 7or the first time in her ungrateful little world Mrs' /oultene" saw her ser.ants with genuinel" attenti.e and sometimes positi.el" religious fa$es' *hat was good+ 3ut there was a se$ond 3out of worship to 3e got through' *he ser.ants were permitted to hold e.ening pra"er in the kit$hen, under Mrs' 7airle"2s indifferent e"e and 3riskl" wooden .oi$e' -pstairs, Mrs' /oultene" had to 3e read to alone+ and it was in these more intimate $eremonies that 6arah2s .oi$e was heard at its 3est and most effe$ti.e' ,n$e or twi$e she had done the in$redi3le, 3" drawing from those pou$hed, in.in$i3le e"es a tear' 6u$h an effe$t was in no wa" intended, 3ut sprang from a profound differen$e 3etween the two women' Mrs' /oultene" 3elie.ed in a 0od that had ne.er e)isted+ and 6arah knew a 0od that did' 6he did not $reate in her .oi$e, like so man" worth" priests and dignitaries asked to read the lesson, an un$ons$ious alienation effe$t of the ?re$htian kind (4*his is "our ma"or reading a passage from the ?i3le5) 3ut
the .er" $ontrar" she spoke dire$tl" of the suffering of &hrist, of a man 3orn in >a=areth, as if there was no time in histor", almost, at times, when the light in the room was dark, and she seemed to forget Mrs' /oultene"2s presen$e, as if she saw &hrist on the &ross 3efore her' ,ne da" she $ame to the passage 0ama- lama- sa achthane me; and as she read the words she faltered and was silent' Mrs' /oultene" turned to look at her, and reali=ed 6arah2s fa$e was streaming with tears' *hat moment redeemed an infinit" of later diffi$ulties+ and perhaps, sin$e the old lad" rose and tou$hed the girl2s drooping shoulder, will one da" redeem Mrs' /oultene"2s now well;grilled soul' I risk making 6arah sound like a 3igot' ?ut she had no theolog"+ as she saw through people, she saw through the follies, the .ulgar stained glass, the narrow literalness of the Gi$torian $hur$h' 6he saw that there was suffering+ and she pra"ed that it would end' I $annot sa" what she might ha.e 3een in our age+ in a mu$h earlier one I 3elie.e she would ha.e 3een either a saint or an emperor2s mistress' >ot 3e$ause of religiosit" on the one hand, or se)ualit" on the other, 3ut 3e$ause of that fused rare power that was her essen$e8understanding and emotion' *here were other items an a3ilit"8formida3le in itself and almost unique8not often to get on Mrs' /oultene"2s ner.es, a quiet assumption of .arious domesti$ responsi3ilities that did not en$roa$h, a skill with her needle' ,n Mrs' /oultene"2s 3irthda" 6arah presented her with an antima$assar 8not that an" $hair Mrs' /oultene" sat in needed su$h prote$tion, 3ut 3" that time all $hairs without su$h an adCun$t seemed somehow naked8 e)quisitel" em3roidered with a 3order of ferns and lilies;of;the;.alle"' It pleased Mrs' /oultene" highl"+ and it sl"l" and permanentl"8perhaps after all 6arah reall" was something of a skilled $ardinal8 reminded the ogress, ea$h time she took her throne, of her protegee.s forgi.a3le side' In its minor wa" it did for 6arah what the immortal 3ustard had so often done for &harles' 7inall"8and this had 3een the $rudest ordeal for the .i$tim86arah had passed the tra$t test' (ike man" insulated Gi$torian dowagers, Mrs' /oultene" pla$ed great relian$e on the power of the tra$t' >e.er mind that not one in ten of the re$ipients $ould read them8indeed, quite a num3er $ould not read an"thing8ne.er mind that not one in ten of those who $ould and did read them understood what the re.erend writers were on a3out ''' 3ut ea$h time 6arah departed with a 3at$h to deli.er Mrs' /oultene" saw an equi.alent num3er of sa.ed souls $halked up to her a$$ount in hea.en+ and she also saw the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :oman doing pu3li$ penan$e, an
added sweet' 6o did the rest of ("me, or poorer ("me+ and were kinder than Mrs' /oultene" ma" ha.e reali=ed' 6arah e.ol.ed a little formula 47rom Mrs' /oultene"' /ra" read and take to "our heart'5 At the same time she looked the $ottager in the e"es' *hose who had knowing smiles soon lost them+ and the loqua$ious found their words die in their mouths' I think the" learned rather more from those e"es than from the $lose;t"ped pamphlets thrust into their hands' ?ut we must now pass to the de3it side of the relationship' 7irst and foremost would undou3tedl" ha.e 3een 46he goes out alone'5 *he arrangement had initiall" 3een that Miss 6arah should ha.e one afternoon a week free, whi$h was $onsidered 3" Mrs' /oultene" a more than generous a$knowledgment of her superior status .is;a;.is the maids2 and onl" then $ondoned 3" the need to disseminate tra$ts+ 3ut the .i$ar had ad.ised it' All seemed well for two months' *hen one morning Miss 6arah did not appear at the Marl3orough !ouse matins+ and when the maid was sent to look for her, it was dis$o.ered that she had not risen' Mrs' /oultene" went to see her' Again 6arah was in tears, 3ut on this o$$asion Mrs' /oultene" felt onl" irritation' !owe.er, she sent for the do$tor' !e remained $loseted with 6arah a long time' :hen he $ame down to the impatient Mrs' /oultene", he ga.e her a 3rief le$ture on melan$holia8he was an ad.an$ed man for his time and pla$e8and ordered her to allow her sinner more fresh air and freedom' 4If "ou insist on the most urgent ne$essit" for it'5 4M" dear madam, I do' And most emphati$all"' I will not 3e responsi3le otherwise'5 4It is .er" in$on.enient'5 ?ut the do$tor was 3rutall" silent' 4I will dispense with her for two afternoons'5 -nlike the .i$ar, <o$tor 0rogan was not finan$iall" .er" dependent on Mrs' /oultene"+ to 3e frank, there was not a death $ertifi$ate in ("me he would ha.e less sadl" signed than hers' ?ut he $ontained his 3ile 3" reminding her that she slept e.er" afternoon+ and on his own stri$t orders' *hus it was that 6arah a$hie.ed a dail" demi;li3ert"' *he ne)t de3it item was this 4Ma" not alwa"s 3e present with .isitors'5 !ere Mrs' /oultene" found herself in a reall" intolera3le dilemma' 6he most $ertainl" wanted her $harit" to 3e seen, whi$h meant that 6arah had to 3e seen' ?ut that fa$e had the most harmful effe$t on $ompan"' Its sadness reproa$hed+ its .er" rare inter.entions in $on.ersation8 in.aria3l" prompted 3" some pre.ious question that had to 3e answered (the more intelligent frequent .isitors soon learned to make their polite turns towards the $ompanion;se$retar" $learl" rhetori$al in nature and intent)8had a
disquietingl" de$isi.e $hara$ter a3out them, not through an" desire on 6arah2s part to kill the su3Ce$t 3ut simpl" 3e$ause of the inno$ent imposition of simpli$it" or $ommon sense on some matter that thri.ed on the opposite qualities' *o Mrs' /oultene" she seemed in this $onte)t onl" too mu$h like one of the figures on a gi33et she diml" remem3ered from her "outh' ,n$e again 6arah showed her diploma$"' :ith $ertain old;esta3lished .isitors, she remained+ with others she either withdrew in the first few minutes or dis$reetl" left when the" were announ$ed and 3efore the" were ushered in' *his latter reason was wh" #rnestina had ne.er met her at Marl3orough !ouse' It at least allowed Mrs' /oultene" to e)patiate on the $ross she had to $arr", though the $ross2s withdrawal or a3sen$e implied a $ertain failure in her skill in $arr"ing it, whi$h was most tiresome' 1et 6arah herself $ould hardl" 3e faulted' ?ut I ha.e left the worst matter to the end' It was this 46till shows signs of atta$hment to her sedu$er'5 Mrs' /oultene" had made se.eral more attempts to e)tra$t 3oth the details of the sin and the present degree of repentan$e for it' >o mother superior $ould ha.e wished more to hear the $onfession of an erring mem3er of her flo$k' ?ut 6arah was as sensiti.e as a sea anemone on the matter+ howe.er o3liquel" Mrs' /oultene" approa$hed the su3Ce$t, the sinner guessed what was $oming+ and her answers to dire$t questions were alwa"s the same in $ontent, if not in a$tual words, as the one she had gi.en at her first interrogation' >ow Mrs' /oultene" seldom went out, and ne.er on foot, and in her 3arou$he onl" to the houses of her equals, so that she had to rel" on other e"es for news of 6arah2s a$ti.ities outside her house' 7ortunatel" for her su$h a pair of e"es e)isted+ e.en 3etter, the mind 3ehind those e"es was dire$ted 3" mali$e and resentment, and was therefore happ" to 3ring frequent reports to the thwarted mistress' *his sp", of $ourse, was none other than Mrs' 7airle"' *hough she had found no pleasure in reading, it offended her that she had 3een demoted+ and although Miss 6arah was s$rupulousl" polite to her and took $are not to seem to 3e usurping the housekeeper2s fun$tions, there was ine.ita3l" some $onfli$t' It did not please Mrs' 7airle" that she had a little less work, sin$e that meant also a little less influen$e' 6arah2s sa.ing of Millie8and other more dis$reet inter.entions8made her popular and respe$ted downstairs+ and perhaps Mrs' 7airle"2s deepest rage was that she $ould not speak ill of the se$retar";$ompanion to her underlings' 6he was a tet$h" woman+ a woman whose onl" pleasures were knowing the worst or fearing the worst+ thus she de.eloped for 6arah a hatred that slowl" grew almost .itrioli$ in its intensit"'
6he was too shrewd a weasel not to hide this from Mrs' /oultene"' Indeed she made a pretense of 3eing .er" sorr" for 4poor Miss :oodruff5 and her reports were plentifull" seasoned with 4I fear5 and 4I am afraid'5 ?ut she had e)$ellent opportunities to do her sp"ing, for not onl" was she frequentl" in the town herself in $onne$tion with her duties, 3ut she had also a wide network of relations and a$quaintan$es at her $ommand' *o these latter she hinted that Mrs' /oultene" was $on$erned8of $ourse for the 3est and most &hristian of reasons8to 3e informed of Miss :oodruff2s 3eha.ior outside the tall stone walls of the gardens of Marl3orough !ouse' *he result, ("me Regis 3eing then as now as riddled with gossip as a drum of ?lue Ginn" with maggots, was that 6arah2s e.er" mo.ement and e)pression8 darkl" e)aggerated and a3undantl" glossed8in her free hours was soon known to Mrs' 7airle"' *he pattern of her e)terior mo.ements8when she was spared the tra$ts 8was .er" simple+ she alwa"s went for the same afternoon walk, down steep /ound 6treet into steep ?road 6treet and then$e to the &o33 0ate, whi$h is a square terra$e o.erlooking the sea and has nothing to do with the &o33' *here she would stand at the wall and look out to sea, 3ut generall" not for long8no longer than the $areful appraisal a ship2s $aptain gi.es when he $omes out on the 3ridge83efore turning either down &o$kmoil or going in the other dire$tion, westwards, along the half;mile path that runs round a gentle 3a" to the &o33 proper' If she went down &o$kmoil she would most often turn into the parish $hur$h, and pra" for a few minutes (a fa$t that Mrs' 7airle" ne.er $onsidered worth mentioning) 3efore she took the alle" 3eside the $hur$h that ga.e on to the greensward of &hur$h &liffs' *he turf there $lim3ed towards the 3roken walls of ?la$k Gen' -p this grassland she might 3e seen walking, with frequent turns towards the sea, to where the path Coined the old road to &harmouth, now long eroded into the Gen, when$e she would return to ("me' *his walk she would do when the &o33 seemed $rowded+ 3ut when weather or $ir$umstan$e made it deserted, she would more often turn that wa" and end 3" standing where &harles had first seen her+ there, it was supposed, she felt herself nearest to 7ran$e' All this, suita3l" distorted and draped in 3la$k, $ame 3a$k to Mrs' /oultene"' ?ut she was then in the first possessi.e pleasure of her new to", and as s"mpatheti$all" disposed as it was in her sour and suspi$ious old nature to 3e' 6he did not, howe.er, hesitate to take the to" to task' 4I am told, Miss :oodruff, that "ou are alwa"s to 3e seen in the same pla$es when "ou go out'5 6arah looked down 3efore the a$$using e"es' 41ou look to sea'5 6till 6arah was silent' 4I am satisfied that "ou are in a state of repentan$e' Indeed I $annot 3elie.e that "ou should 3e an"thing else in "our
present $ir$umstan$es'5 6arah took her $ue' 4I am grateful to "ou, ma2m'5 4I am not $on$erned with "our gratitude to me' *here is ,ne A3o.e who has a prior $laim'5 *he girl murmured, 4!ow should I not know itD5 4*o the ignorant it ma" seem that "ou are perse.ering in "our sin'5 4If the" know m" stor", ma2m, the" $annot think that'5 4?ut the" do think that' I am told the" sa" "ou are looking for 6atan2s sails'5 6arah rose then and went to the window' It was earl" summer, and s$ent of s"ringa and lila$ mingled with the 3la$k3irds2 songs' 6he ga=ed for a moment out o.er that sea she was asked to den" herself, then turned 3a$k to the old lad", who sat as impla$a3l" in her arm$hair as the Queen on her throne' 4<o "ou wish me to lea.e, ma2mD5 Mrs' /oultene" was inwardl" sho$ked' ,n$e again 6arah2s simpli$it" took all the wind from her swelling spite' *he .oi$e, the other $harms, to whi$h she had 3e$ome so addi$tedI 7ar worse, she might throw awa" the interest a$$ruing to her on those hea.enl" ledgers' 6he moderated her tone' 4I wish "ou to show that this ''' person is e)punged from "our heart' I know that he is' ?ut "ou must show it'5 4!ow am I to show itD5 4?" walking elsewhere' ?" not e)hi3iting "our shame' If for no other reason, 3e$ause I request it'5 6arah stood with 3owed head, and there was a silen$e' ?ut then she looked Mrs' /oultene" in the e"es and for the first time sin$e her arri.al, she ga.e the faintest smile' 4I will do as "ou wish, ma2m'5 It was, in $hess terms, a shrewd sa$rifi$e, sin$e Mrs' /oultene" gra$iousl" went on to sa" that she did not want to den" her $ompletel" the 3enefits of the sea air and that she might on o$$asion walk 3" the sea+ 3ut not alwa"s 3" the sea84and pra" do not stand and stare so'5 It was, in short, a 3argain stru$k 3etween two o3sessions' 6arah2s offer to lea.e had let 3oth women see the truth, in their different wa"s' 6arah kept her side of the 3argain, or at least that part of it that $on$erned the itinerar" of her walks' 6he now went .er" rarel" to the &o33, though when she did, she still sometimes allowed herself to stand and stare, as on the da" we ha.e des$ri3ed' After all, the $ountr"side around ("me a3ounds in walks+ and few of them do not gi.e a .iew of the sea' If that had 3een all 6arah $ra.ed she had 3ut to walk o.er the lawns of Marl3orough
!ouse' Mrs' 7airle", then, had a poor time of it for man" months' >o o$$asion on whi$h the stopping and staring took pla$e was omitted+ 3ut the" were not frequent, and 6arah had 3" this time a$quired a kind of as$endan$" of suffering o.er Mrs' /oultene" that sa.ed her from an" serious $riti$ism' And after all, as the sp" and the mistress often reminded ea$h other, poor 4*raged"5 was mad' 1ou will no dou3t ha.e guessed the truth that she was far less mad than she seemed ''' or at least not mad in the wa" that was generall" supposed' !er e)hi3ition of her shame had a kind of purpose+ and people with purposes know when the" ha.e 3een suffi$ientl" attained and $an 3e allowed to rest in a3e"an$e for a while' ?ut one da", not a fortnight 3efore the 3eginning of m" stor", Mrs' 7airle" had $ome to Mrs' /oultene" with her $reaking sta"s and the fa$e of one a3out to announ$e the death of a $lose friend' 4I ha.e something unhapp" to $ommuni$ate, ma2m'5 *his phrase had 3e$ome as familiar to Mrs' /oultene" as a storm $one to a fisherman+ 3ut she o3ser.ed $on.ention' 4It $annot $on$ern Miss :oodruffD5 4:ould that it did not, ma2m'5 *he housekeeper stared solemnl" at her mistress as if to make quite sure of her undi.ided disma"' 4?ut I fear it is m" dut" to tell "ou'5 4:e must ne.er fear what is our dut"'5 4>o, ma2m'5 6till the mouth remained $lamped shut+ and a third part" might well ha.e wondered what horror $ould 3e $oming' >othing less than dan$ing naked on the altar of the parish $hur$h would ha.e seemed adequate' 46he has taken to walking, ma2m, on :are &ommons'5 6u$h an anti$lima)I 1et Mrs' /oultene" seemed not to think so' Indeed her mouth did something e)traordinar"' It fell open'
10
And on$e, 3ut on$e, she lifted her e"es, And suddenl", sweetl", strangel" 3lush2d *o find the" were met 3" m" own ''' 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE) ' ' ' with its green $hasms 3etween romanti$ ro$ks, where the s$attered forest trees and or$hards of lu)uriant growth de$lare that man" a generation must ha.e passed awa" sin$e the first partial falling of the $liff prepared the ground for su$h a state, where a s$ene so wonderful and so lo.el" is e)hi3ited, as ma" more than equal an" of the resem3ling s$enes of the far;famed Isle of :ightR 89A># A-6*#>, Persuasion
*here runs, 3etween ("me Regis and A)mouth si) miles to the west, one of the strangest $oastal lands$apes in 6outhern #ngland' 7rom the air it is not .er" striking+ one notes merel" that whereas elsewhere on the $oast the fields run to the $liff edge, here the" stop a mile or so short of it' *he $ulti.ated $hequer of green and red;3rown 3reaks, with a kind of Co"ous undis$ipline, into a dark $as$ade of trees and undergrowth' *here are no roofs' If one flies low enough one $an see that the terrain is .er" a3rupt, $ut 3" deep $hasms and a$$ented 3" strange 3luffs and towers of $halk and flint, whi$h loom o.er the lush foliage around them like the walls of ruined $astles' 7rom the air ''' 3ut on foot this seemingl" unimportant wilderness gains a strange e)tension' /eople ha.e 3een lost in it for hours, and $annot 3elie.e, when the" see on the map where the" were lost, that their sense of isolation8and if the weather 3e 3ad, desolation8$ould ha.e seemed so great' *he -nder$liff8for this land is reall" the mile;long slope $aused 3" the erosion of the an$ient .erti$al $liff fa$e8is .er" steep' 7lat pla$es are as rare as .isitors in it' ?ut this steepness in effe$t tilts it, and its .egetation, towards the sun+ and it is this fa$t, together with the water from the $ountless springs that ha.e $aused the erosion, that lends the area its 3otani$al strangeness8its wild ar3utus and ile) and other trees rarel" seen growing in #ngland+ its enormous ashes and 3ee$hes+ its green ?ra=ilian $hasms $hoked with i." and the liana of wild $lematis+ its 3ra$ken that grows se.en, eight feet tall+ its flowers that 3loom a month earlier than an"where else in the distri$t' In summer it is the nearest this $ountr" $an offer to a tropi$al Cungle' It has also, like all land that has ne.er 3een worked or li.ed on 3" man, its m"steries, its shadows, its dangers8onl" too literal ones geologi$all", sin$e there are $re.i$es and sudden falls that $an 3ring disaster, and in pla$es where a man with a 3roken leg $ould shout all week and not 3e heard'
6trange as it ma" seem, it was slightl" less solitar" a hundred "ears ago than it is toda"' *here is not a single $ottage in the -nder$liff now+ in 18AB there were se.eral, li.ed in 3" gamekeepers, woodmen, a pigherd or two' *he roedeer, sure proof of a3undant solitude, then must ha.e passed less pea$eful da"s' >ow the -nder$liff has re.erted to a state of total wildness' *he $ottage walls ha.e $rum3led into i.ied stumps, the old 3ran$h paths ha.e gone+ no $ar road goes near it, the one remaining tra$k that tra.erses it is often impassa3le' And it is so 3" A$t of /arliament a national nature reser.e' >ot all is lost to e)pedien$e' It was this pla$e, an #nglish 0arden of #den on su$h a da" as Mar$h LJth, 18AB, that &harles had entered when he had $lim3ed the path from the shore at /inha" ?a"+ and it was this same pla$e whose eastern half was $alled :are &ommons' :hen &harles had quen$hed his thirst and $ooled his 3row with his wetted handker$hief he 3egan to look seriousl" around him' ,r at least he tried to look seriousl" around him+ 3ut the little slope on whi$h he found himself, the prospe$t 3efore him, the sounds, the s$ents, the unallo"ed wildness of growth and 3urgeoning fertilit", for$ed him into anti;s$ien$e' *he ground a3out him was studded gold and pale "ellow with $elandines and primroses and 3anked 3" the 3ridal white of densel" 3lossoming sloe+ where Cu3ilantl" green;tipped elders shaded the moss" 3anks of the little 3rook he had drunk from were $lusters of mos$hatel and woodsorrel, most deli$ate of #nglish spring flowers' !igher up the slope he saw the white heads of anemones, and 3e"ond them deep green drifts of 3lue3ell lea.es' A distant woodpe$ker drummed in the 3ran$hes of some high tree, and 3ullfin$hes whistled quietl" o.er his head+ newl" arri.ed $hiff$haffs and willow war3lers sang in e.er" 3ush and treetop' :hen he turned he saw the 3lue sea, now washing far 3elow+ and the whole e)tent of ("me ?a" rea$hing round, diminishing $liffs that dropped into the endless "ellow sa3er of the &hesil ?ank, whose remote tip tou$hed that strange #nglish 0i3raltar, /ortland ?ill, a thin gra" shadow wedged 3etween a=ures' ,nl" one art has e.er $aught su$h s$enes8that of the Renaissan$e+ it is the ground that ?otti$elli2s figures walk on, the air that in$ludes Ronsard2s songs' It does not matter what that $ultural re.olution2s $ons$ious aims and purposes, its $ruelties and failures were+ in essen$e the Renaissan$e was simpl" the green end of one of $i.ili=ation2s hardest winters' It was an end to $hains, 3ounds, frontiers' Its de.i$e was the onl" de.i$e :hat is, is good' It was all, in short, that &harles2s age was not+ 3ut do not think that as he stood there he did not know this' It is true that to e)plain his o3s$ure feeling of malaise, of inappropriateness, of limitation, he went 3a$k $loser home8to
Rousseau, and the $hildish m"ths of a 0olden Age and the >o3le 6a.age' *hat is, he tried to dismiss the inadequa$ies of his own time2s approa$h to nature 3" supposing that one $annot reenter a legend' !e told himself he was too pampered, too spoiled 3" $i.ili=ation, e.er to inha3it nature again+ and that made him sad, in a not unpleasant 3ittersweet sort of wa"' After all, he was a Gi$torian' :e $ould not e)pe$t him to see what we are onl" Cust 3eginning8and with so mu$h more knowledge and the lessons of e)istentialist philosoph" at our disposal8to reali=e oursel.es that the desire to hold and the desire to enCo" are mutuall" destru$ti.e' !is statement to himself should ha.e 3een, 4I possess this now, therefore I am happ",5 instead of what it so Gi$torianl" was 4I $annot possess this fore.er, and therefore am sad'5 6$ien$e e.entuall" regained its hegemon", and he 3egan to sear$h among the 3eds of flint along the $ourse of the stream for his tests' !e found a prett" fragment of fossil s$allop, 3ut the sea ur$hins eluded him' 0raduall" he mo.ed through the trees to the west, 3ending, $arefull" quartering the ground with his e"es, mo.ing on a few pa$es, then repeating the same pro$edure' >ow and then he would turn o.er a likel";looking flint with the end of his ashplant' ?ut he had no lu$k' An hour passed, and his dut" towards #rnestina 3egan to outweigh his lust for e$hinoderms' !e looked at his wat$h, repressed a $urse, and made his wa" 3a$k to where he had left his ru$ksa$k' 6ome wa" up the slope, with the de$lining sun on his 3a$k, he $ame on a path and set off for ("me' *he path $lim3ed and $ur.ed slightl" inward 3eside an i.";grown stone wall and then8in the unkind manner of paths8 forked without indi$ation' !e hesitated, then walked some fift" "ards or so along the lower path, whi$h la" sunk in a trans.erse gull", alread" deepl" shadowed' ?ut then he $ame to a solution to his pro3lem8 not knowing e)a$tl" how the land la"8for "et another path suddenl" 3ran$hed to his right, 3a$k towards the sea, up a steep small slope $rowned with grass, and from whi$h he $ould plainl" orientate himself' !e therefore pushed up through the strands of 3ram3le8 the path was seldom used8to the little green plateau' It opened out .er" agreea3l", like a tin" alpine meadow' *he white s$uts of three or four ra33its e)plained wh" the turf was so short' &harles stood in the sunlight' #"e3right and 3irdsfoot starred the grass, and alread" .i.id green $lumps of marCoram rea$hed up to 3loom' *hen he mo.ed forward to the edge of the plateau' And there, 3elow him, he saw a figure' 7or one terri3le moment he thought he had stum3led on a $orpse' ?ut it was a woman asleep' 6he had $hosen the strangest position, a 3road, sloping
ledge of grass some fi.e feet 3eneath the le.el of the plateau, and whi$h hid her from the .iew of an" 3ut one who $ame, as &harles had, to the .er" edge' *he $halk walls 3ehind this little natural 3al$on" made it into a sun trap, for its widest a)is pointed southwest' ?ut it was not a sun trap man" would ha.e $hosen' Its outer edge ga.e onto a sheer drop of some thirt" or fort" feet into an ugl" tangle of 3ram3les' A little 3e"ond them the real $liff plunged down to the 3ea$h' &harles2s immediate instin$t had 3een to draw 3a$k out of the woman2s .iew' !e did not see who she was' !e stood at a loss, looking at 3ut not seeing the fine lands$ape the pla$e $ommanded' !e hesitated, he was a3out to withdraw+ 3ut then his $uriosit" drew him forward again' *he girl la" in the $omplete a3andonment of deep sleep, on her 3a$k' !er $oat had fallen open o.er her indigo dress, unrelie.ed in its $ali$o se.erit" e)$ept 3" a small white $ollar at the throat' *he sleeper2s fa$e was turned awa" from him, her right arm thrown 3a$k, 3ent in a $hildlike wa"' A s$attered handful of anemones la" on the grass around it' *here was something intensel" tender and "et se)ual in the wa" she la"+ it awakened a dim e$ho of &harles of a moment from his time in /aris' Another girl, whose name now he $ould not e.en remem3er, perhaps had ne.er known, seen sleeping so, one dawn, in a 3edroom o.erlooking the 6eine' !e mo.ed round the $ur.ing lip of the plateau, to where he $ould see the sleeper2s fa$e 3etter, and it was onl" then that he reali=ed whom he had intruded upon' It was the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :oman' /art of her hair had 3e$ome loose and half $o.ered her $heek' ,n the &o33 it had seemed to him a dark 3rown+ now he saw that it had red tints, a ri$h warmth, and without the then indispensa3le gloss of feminine hair oil' *he skin 3elow seemed .er" 3rown, almost rudd", in that light, as if the girl $ared more for health than a fashiona3l" pale and languid;$heeked $omple)ion' A strong nose, hea." e"e3rows ''' the mouth he $ould not see' It irked him strangel" that he had to see her upside down, sin$e the land would not allow him to pass round for the proper angle' !e stood una3le to do an"thing 3ut stare down, tran$ed 3" this une)pe$ted en$ounter, and o.er$ome 3" an equall" strange feeling8not se)ual, 3ut fraternal, perhaps paternal, a $ertaint" of the inno$en$e of this $reature, of her 3eing unfairl" out$ast, and whi$h was in turn a fa$tor of his intuition of her appalling loneliness' !e $ould not imagine what, 3esides despair, $ould dri.e her, in an age where women were semistati$, timid, in$apa3le of sustained ph"si$al effort, to this wild pla$e' !e $ame at last to the .er" edge of the rampart a3o.e her, dire$tl" o.er her fa$e, and there he saw that all the sadness he had so remarked 3efore was
gone+ in sleep the fa$e was gentle, it might e.en ha.e had the ghost of a smile' It was pre$isel" then, as he $raned sidewa"s down, that she awoke' 6he looked up at on$e, so qui$kl" that his step 3a$k was in .ain' !e was dete$ted, and he was too mu$h a gentleman to den" it' 6o when 6arah s$ram3led to her feet, gathering her $oat a3out her, and stared 3a$k up at him from her ledge, he raised his wideawake and 3owed' 6he said nothing, 3ut fi)ed him with a look of sho$k and 3ewilderment, perhaps not untinged with shame' 6he had fine e"es, dark e"es' *he" stood thus for se.eral se$onds, lo$ked in a mutual in$omprehension' 6he seemed so small to him, standing there 3elow him, hidden from the waist down, $lut$hing her $ollar, as if, should he take a step towards her, she would turn and fling herself out of his sight' !e $ame to his sense of what was proper' 4A thousand apologies' I $ame upon "ou inad.ertentl"'5 And then he turned and walked awa"' !e did not look 3a$k, 3ut s$ram3led down to the path he had left, and 3a$k to the fork, where he wondered wh" he had not had the presen$e of mind to ask whi$h path he was to take, and waited half a minute to see if she was following him' 6he did not appear' Ger" soon he mar$hed firml" awa" up the steeper path' &harles did not know it, 3ut in those 3rief poised se$onds a3o.e the waiting sea, in that luminous e.ening silen$e 3roken onl" 3" the wa.es2 quiet wash, the whole Gi$torian Age was lost' And I do not mean he had taken the wrong path'
11
:ith the form $onforming dul", 6enseless what it meaneth trul", 0o to $hur$h8the world require "ou, *o 3alls8the world require "ou too, And marr"8papa and mama desire "ou, And "our sisters and s$hoolfellows do' 8A' !' &(,-0!, 4<ut"5 (1841)
4,hI no, what heI5 she $ried in s$orn, 4I woulden gi2e a penn" .or2n+ *he 3est o. him2s out=ide in .iew+ !is $woat is ga" enough, Ktis true, ?ut then the wold .o2k didden 3ring #n up to know a single thingR5 8:I((IAM ?AR>#6, Poems in the $orset $ialect (18AJ)
At appro)imatel" the same time as that whi$h saw this meeting #rnestina got restlessl" from her 3ed and fet$hed her 3la$k moro$$o diar" from her dressing ta3le' 6he first turned rather sulkil" to her entr" of that morning, whi$h was $ertainl" not .er" inspired from a literar" point of .iew 4:rote letter to Mama' <id not see dearest &harles' <id not go out, tho2 it is .er" fine' <id not feel happ"'5 It had 3een a .er" did;not sort of da" for the poor girl, who had had onl" Aunt *ranter to show her displeasure to' *here had 3een &harles2s daffodils and Conquils, whose perfume she now inhaled, 3ut e.en the" had .e)ed her at first' Aunt *ranter2s house was small, and she had heard 6am kno$k on the front door downstairs+ she had heard the wi$ked and irre.erent Mar" open it8a murmur of .oi$es and then a distin$t, suppressed gurgle of laughter from the maid, a slammed door' *he odious and a3omina3le suspi$ion $rossed her mind that &harles had 3een down there, flirting+ and this tou$hed on one of her deepest fears a3out him' 6he knew he had li.ed in /aris, in (is3on, and tra.eled mu$h+ she knew he was ele.en "ears older than herself+ she knew he was attra$ti.e to women' !is answers to her dis$reetl" pla"ful interrogations a3out his past $onquests were alwa"s dis$reetl" pla"ful in return+ and that was the ru3' 6he felt he must 3e hiding something8a tragi$ 7ren$h $ountess, a passionate /ortuguese marquesa' !er mind did not allow itself to run to a /arisian grisette or an almond;e"ed inn;girl at &intra, whi$h would ha.e 3een rather nearer the truth' ?ut in a wa" the matter of whether he had slept with other women worried her less than it might a modern girl' ,f $ourse #rnestina uttered her auto$rati$ 4I must not5 Cust as soon as an" su$h sinful spe$ulation $rossed her mind+ 3ut it was reall" &harles2s heart of whi$h she was Cealous' *hat, she $ould not 3ear to think of ha.ing to share, either histori$all" or presentl"' ,$$am2s useful ra=or was unknown to her' *hus the simple fa$t that he had ne.er reall" 3een in lo.e 3e$ame $lear proof to #rnestina, on her darker da"s, that he had on$e 3een passionatel" so' !is $alm e)terior she took for the terri3le silen$e of a re$ent 3attlefield, :aterloo a month after+ instead of for what it reall" was8a pla$e without histor"'
:hen the front door $losed, #rnestina allowed dignit" to $ontrol her for pre$isel" one and a half minutes, whereupon her fragile little hand rea$hed out and peremptoril" pulled the gilt handle 3eside her 3ed' A pleasantl" insistent tinkle filtered up from the 3asement kit$hen+ and soon afterwards, there were footsteps, a kno$k, and the door opened to re.eal Mar" 3earing a .ase with a positi.e fountain of spring flowers' *he girl $ame and stood 3" the 3ed, her fa$e half hidden 3" the 3lossoms, smiling, impossi3le for a man to ha.e 3een angr" with8and therefore quite the re.erse to #rnestina, who frowned sourl" and reproa$hfull" at this unwel$ome .ision of 7lora' ,f the three "oung women who pass through these pages Mar" was, in m" opinion, 3" far the prettiest' 6he had infinitel" the most life, and infinitel" the least selfishness+ and ph"si$al $harms to mat$h ''' an e)quisitel" pure, if pink $omple)ion, $orn;$olored hair and dele$ta3l" wide gra";3lue e"es, e"es that in.ited male pro.o$ation and returned it as gail" as it was gi.en' *he" 3u33led as the 3est $hampagne 3u33les, irrepressi3l"+ and without $ausing flatulen$e' >ot e.en the sad Gi$torian $lothes she had so often to wear $ould hide the trim, plump promise of her figure8indeed, 4plump5 is unkind' I 3rought up Ronsard2s name Cust now+ and her figure required a word from his .o$a3ular", one for whi$h we ha.e no equi.alent in #nglish rondelet8all that is sedu$ti.e in plumpness without losing all that is ni$e in slimness' Mar"2s great;great;granddaughter, who is twent";two "ears old this month I write in, mu$h resem3les her an$estor+ and her fa$e is known o.er the entire world, for she is one of the more $ele3rated "ounger #nglish film a$tresses' ?ut it was not, I am afraid, the fa$e for 18AB' It had not, for instan$e, 3een at all the fa$e for Mrs' /oultene", to whom it had 3e$ome familiar some three "ears pre.iousl"' Mar" was the nie$e of a $ousin of Mrs' 7airle", who had wheedled Mrs' /oultene" into taking the no.i$e into the unkind kit$hen' ?ut Marl3orough !ouse and Mar" had suited ea$h other as well as a tom3 would a goldfin$h+ and when one da" Mrs' /oultene" was som3erl" sur.e"ing her domain and saw from her upstairs window the disgusting sight of her sta3le3o" soli$iting a kiss, and not 3eing .er" su$$essfull" resisted, the goldfin$h was gi.en an instant li3ert"+ whereupon it flew to Mrs' *ranter2s, in spite of Mrs' /oultene"2s solemn warnings to that lad" as to the foolhardiness of har3oring su$h pro.en dissoluteness' In ?road 6treet Mar" was happ"' Mrs' *ranter liked prett" girls+ and prett", laughing girls e.en 3etter' ,f $ourse, #rnestina was her nie$e, and she worried for her more+ 3ut #rnestina she saw onl" on$e or twi$e a "ear, and Mar" she saw e.er" da"' ?elow her mo3ile, flirtatious surfa$e the girl
had a gentle affe$tionateness+ and she did not stint, she returned the warmth that was gi.en' #rnestina did not know a dreadful se$ret of that house in ?road 6treet+ there were times, if $ook had a da" off, when Mrs' *ranter sat and ate with Mar" alone in the downstairs kit$hen+ and the" were not the unhappiest hours in either of their li.es' Mar" was not faultless+ and one of her faults was a $ertain en." of #rnestina' It was not onl" that she $eased a3ruptl" to 3e the ta$it fa.orite of the household when the "oung lad" from (ondon arri.ed+ 3ut the "oung lad" from (ondon $ame also with trunkfuls of the latest (ondon and /aris fashions, not the 3est re$ommendation to a ser.ant with onl" three dresses to her name8and not one of whi$h she reall" liked, e.en though the 3est of them she $ould reall" dislike onl" 3e$ause it had 3een handed down 3" the "oung prin$ess from the $apital' 6he also thought &harles was a 3eautiful man for a hus3and+ a great deal too good for a pallid $reature like #rnestina' *his was wh" &harles had the frequent 3enefit of those gra";and;periwinkle e"es when she opened the door to him or passed him in the street' In wi$ked fa$t the $reature pi$ked her e)its and entran$es to $oin$ide with &harles2s+ and ea$h time he raised his hat to her in the street she mentall" $o$ked her nose at #rnestina+ for she knew .er" well wh" Mrs' *ranter2s nie$e went upstairs so a3ruptl" after &harles2s departures' (ike all sou rettes- she dared to think things her "oung mistress did not+ and knew it' !a.ing dul" and mali$iousl" allowed her health and $heerfulness to register on the in.alid, Mar" pla$ed the flowers on the 3edside $ommode' 47rom Mr' &harles, Miss *ina' :ith Ker $omplimums'5 Mar" spoke in a diale$t notorious for its $ontempt of pronouns and suffi)es' 4/la$e them on m" dressing ta3le' I do not like them so $lose'5 Mar" o3edientl" remo.ed them there and diso3edientl" 3egan to rearrange them a little 3efore turning to smile at the suspi$ious #rnestina' 4<id he 3ring them himselfD5 4>o, miss'5 4:here is Mr' &harlesD5 4<oan know, miss' I didn2 ask2un'5 ?ut her mouth was pressed too tightl" together, as if she wanted to giggle' 4?ut I heard "ou speak with the man'5 41es, miss'5 4:hat a3outD5 42*was Cust the time o2 da", miss'5 4Is that what made "ou laughD5 41es, miss' K*is the wa" Ke speaks, miss'5 *he 6am who had presented himself at the door had in fa$t 3orne .er"
little resem3lan$e to the mournful and indignant "oung man who had stropped the ra=or' !e had thrust the handsome 3ouquet into the mis$hie.ous Mar"2s arms' 47or the 3ootiful "oung lad" hupstairs'5 *hen de)terousl" he had pla$ed his foot where the door had 3een a3out to shut and as de)terousl" produ$ed from 3ehind his 3a$k, in his other hand, while his now free one swept off his S la mode near;3rimless topper, a little pos" of $ro$uses' 4And for the he.en more lo.el" one down'5 Mar" had 3lushed a deep pink+ the pressure of the door on 6am2s foot had m"steriousl" lightened' !e wat$hed her smell the "ellow flowers+ not politel", 3ut genuinel", so that a tin" orange smudge of saffron appeared on the $harming, impertinent nose' 4*hat there 3ag o2 soot will 3e deli.ered as 3ordered'5 6he 3it her lips, and waited' 4!on one $ondition' >o ti$k' !it must 3e a;paid for at on$e'5 42,w mu$h would2er $ost thenD5 *he forward fellow e"ed his .i$tim, as if $al$ulating a fair pri$e+ then laid a finger on his mouth and ga.e a profoundl" unam3iguous wink' It was this that had pro.oked that smothered laugh+ and the slammed door' #rnestina ga.e her a look that would ha.e not disgra$ed Mrs' /oultene"' 41ou will kindl" remem3er that he $omes from (ondon'5 41es, miss'5 4Mr' 6mithson has alread" spoken to me of him' *he man fan$ies himself a <on 9uan'5 4:hat2s that then, Miss *inaD5 *here was a $ertain eager an)iet" for further information in Mar"2s fa$e that displeased #rnestina .er" mu$h' 4>e.er mind now' ?ut if he makes ad.an$es I wish to 3e told at on$e' >ow 3ring me some 3arle" water' And 3e more dis$reet in future'5 *here passed a tin" light in Mar"2s e"es, something singularl" like a flash of defian$e' ?ut she $ast down her e"es and her flat little la$e $ap, 3o33ing a token $urts", and left the room' *hree flights down, and three flights up, as #rnestina, who had not the least desire for Aunt *ranter2s wholesome 3ut uninteresting 3arle" water, $onsoled herself 3" remem; 3ering' ?ut Mar" had in a sense won the e)$hange, for it reminded #rnestina, not 3" nature a domesti$ t"rant 3ut simpl" a horrid spoiled $hild, that soon she would ha.e to stop pla"ing at mistress, and 3e one in real earnest' *he idea 3rought pleasures, of $ourse+ to ha.e one2s own house, to 3e free of parents ' ' ' 3ut ser.ants were su$h a pro3lem, as e.er"one said' :ere no longer what the" were, as e.er"one said' :ere tiresome, in a word' /erhaps #rnestina2s pu==lement and distress were not far remo.ed from those of
&harles, as he had sweated and stum3led his wa" along the shore' (ife was the $orre$t apparatus+ it was heres" to think otherwise+ 3ut meanwhile the $ross had to 3e 3orne, here and now' It was to 3anish su$h gloom" fore3odings, still with her in the afternoon, that #rnestina fet$hed her diar", propped herself up in 3ed and on$e more turned to the page with the sprig of Casmine' In (ondon the 3eginnings of a pluto$rati$ stratifi$ation of so$iet" had, 3" the mid;$entur", 3egun' >othing of $ourse took the pla$e of good 3lood+ 3ut it had 3e$ome generall" a$$epted that good mone" and good 3rains $ould produ$e artifi$iall" a passa3le enough fa$simile of a$$epta3le so$ial standing' <israeli was the t"pe, not the e)$eption, of his times' #rnestina2s grandfather ma" ha.e 3een no more than a well;to;do draper in 6toke >ewington when he was "oung+ 3ut he died a .er" ri$h draper8mu$h more than that, sin$e he had mo.ed $ommer$iall" into $entral (ondon, founded one of the :est #nd2s great stores and e)tended his 3usiness into man" departments 3esides draper"' !er father, indeed, had gi.en her onl" what he had himself re$ei.ed the 3est edu$ation that mone" $ould 3u"' In all e)$ept his origins he was impe$$a3l" a gentleman+ and he had married dis$reetl" a3o.e him, a daughter of one of the &it"2s most su$$essful soli$itors, who $ould num3er an Attorne";0eneral, no less, among his not;too;distant an$estors' #rnestina2s qualms a3out her so$ial status were therefore rather farfet$hed, e.en 3" Gi$torian standards+ and the" had ne.er in the least trou3led &harles' 4<o 3ut think,5 he had on$e said to her, 4how disgra$efull" ple3eian a name 6mithson is'5 4Ah indeed8if "ou were onl" $alled (ord ?ra3a=on Ga.asour Gere de Gere8how mu$h more I should lo.e "ouI5 ?ut 3ehind her self;mo$ker" lurked a fear' !e had first met her the pre$eding >o.em3er, at the house of a lad" who had her e"e on him for one of her own $o.e" of simperers' *hese "oung ladies had had the misfortune to 3e 3riefed 3" their parents 3efore the e.ening 3egan' *he" made the $ardinal error of tr"ing to pretend to &harles that paleontolog" a3sor3ed them8he must gi.e them the titles of the most interesting 3ooks on the su3Ce$t8whereas #rnestina showed a gentl" a$id little determination not to take him .er" seriousl"' 6he would, she murmured, send him an" interesting spe$imens of $oal she $ame a$ross in her s$uttle+ and later she told him she thought he was .er" la="' :h", pra"D ?e$ause he $ould hardl" enter an" (ondon drawing room without finding a3undant e)amples of the o3Ce$ts of his interest'
*o 3oth "oung people it had promised to 3e Cust one more dull e.ening+ and 3oth, when the" returned to their respe$ti.e homes, found that it had not 3een so' *he" saw in ea$h other a superiorit" of intelligen$e, a lightness of tou$h, a dr"ness that pleased' #rnestina let it 3e known that she had found 4that Mr' 6mithson5 an agreea3le $hange from the dull $rop of partners hitherto presented for her e)amination that season' !er mother made dis$reet in; quiries+ and $onsulted her hus3and, who made more+ for no "oung male e.er set foot in the drawing room of the house o.erlooking !"de /ark who had not 3een as well .etted as an" modern se$urit" department .ets its atomi$ s$ientists' &harles passed his se$ret ordeal with fl"ing $olors' >ow #rnestina had seen the mistake of her ri.als that no wife thrown at &harles2s head would e.er tou$h his heart' 6o when he 3egan to frequent her mother2s at homes and soirees he had the unusual e)perien$e of finding that there was no sign of the usual matrimonial trap+ no sl" hints from the mother of how mu$h the sweet darling lo.ed $hildren or 4se$retl" longed for the end of the season5 (it was supposed that &harles would li.e permanentl" at :ins"att, as soon as the o3sta$ular un$le did his dut")+ or less sl" ones from the father on the si=e of the fortune 4m" dearest girl5 would 3ring to her hus3and' *he latter were, in an" $ase, $onspi$uousl" unne$essar"+ the !"de /ark house was fit for a duke to li.e in, and the a3sen$e of 3rothers and sisters said more than a thousand 3ank statements' >or did #rnestina, although she was .er" soon wildl" determined, as onl" a spoiled daughter $an 3e, to ha.e &harles, o.erpla" her hand' 6he made sure other attra$ti.e "oung men were alwa"s present+ and did not single the real pre" out for an" spe$ial fa.ors or attention' 6he was, on prin$iple, ne.er serious with him+ without e)a$tl" sa"ing so she ga.e him the impression that she liked him 3e$ause he was fun8 3ut of $ourse she knew he would ne.er marr"' *hen $ame an e.ening in 9anuar" when she de$ided to plant the fatal seed' 6he saw &harles standing alone+ and on the opposite side of the room she saw an aged dowager, a kind of Ma"fair equi.alent of Mrs' /oultene", whom she knew would 3e as $ongenial to &harles as $astor oil to a health" $hild' 6he went up to him' 46hall "ou not go $on.erse with (ad" 7airwetherD5 4I should rather $on.erse with "ou'5 4I will present "ou' And then "ou $an ha.e an e"ewitness a$$ount of the goings;on in the #arl" &reta$eous era'5 !e smiled' 4*he #arl" &reta$eous is a period' >ot an era'5 4>e.er mind' I am sure it is suffi$ientl" old' And I know how 3ored "ou
are 3" an"thing that has happened in the last ninet" million "ears' &ome'5 6o the" 3egan to $ross the room together+ 3ut halfwa" to the #arl" &reta$eous lad", she stopped, laid her hand a moment on his arm, and looked him in the e"es' 4If "ou are determined to 3e a sour old 3a$helor, Mr' 6mithson, "ou must pra$ti$e for "our part'5 6he had mo.ed on 3efore he $ould answer+ and what she had said might ha.e sounded no more than a $ontinuation of her teasing' ?ut her e"es had for the 3riefest moment made it $lear that she made an offer+ as unmistaka3le, in its wa", as those made 3" the women who in the (ondon of the time haunted the doorwa"s round the !a"market' :hat she did not know was that she had tou$hed an in$reasingl" sensiti.e pla$e in &harles2s innermost soul+ his feeling that he was growing like his un$le at :ins"att, that life was passing him 3", that he was 3eing, as in so man" other things, o.erfastidious, la=", selfish ''' and worse' !e had not tra.eled a3road those last two "ears+ and he had reali=ed that pre.iousl" tra.eling had 3een a su3stitute for not ha.ing a wife' It took his mind off domesti$ affairs+ it also allowed him to take an o$$asional woman into his 3ed, a pleasure he stri$tl" for3ade himself, perhaps remem3ering the 3la$k night of the soul his first essa" in that field had $aused, in #ngland' *ra.eling no longer attra$ted him+ 3ut women did, and he was therefore in a state of e)treme se)ual frustration, sin$e his moral deli$a$" had not allowed him to tr" the simple e)pedient of a week in ,stend or /aris' !e $ould ne.er ha.e allowed su$h a purpose to di$tate the reason for a Courne"' !e passed a .er" thoughtful week' *hen one morning he woke up' #.er"thing had 3e$ome simple' !e lo.ed #rnestina' !e thought of the pleasure of waking up on Cust su$h a morning, $old, gra", with a powder of snow on the ground, and seeing that demure, sweetl" dr" little fa$e asleep 3eside him8and 3" hea.ens (this fa$t stru$k &harles with a sort of ama=e; ment) legitimatel" in the e"es of 3oth 0od and man 3eside him' A few minutes later he startled the sleep" 6am, who had $rept up from downstairs at his urgent ringing, 3" sa"ing 46amI I am an a3solute one hundred per $ent hea.en forgi.e me damned foolI5 A da" or two afterwards the unadulterated fool had an inter.iew with #rnestina2s father' It was 3rief, and .er" satisfa$tor"' !e went down to the drawing room, where #rnestina2s mother sat in a state of the most poignant trepidation' 6he $ould not 3ring herself to speak to &harles, 3ut pointed un$ertainl" in the dire$tion of the $onser.ator"' &harles opened the white doors to it and stood in the waft of the hot, fragrant air' !e had to sear$h for #rnestina, 3ut at last he found her in one of the farthest $orners, half
s$reened 3ehind Ka 3ower of stephanotis' !e saw her glan$e at him, and then look hastil" down and awa"' 6he held a pair of sil.er s$issors, and was pretending to snip off some of the dead 3looms of the hea.il" s$ented plant' &harles stood $lose 3ehind her+ $oughed' 4I ha.e $ome to 3id m" adieu)'5 *he agoni=ed look she flashed at him he pretended, 3" the simple tri$k of staring at the ground, not to noti$e' 4I ha.e de$ided to lea.e #ngland' 7or the rest of m" life I shall tra.el' !ow else $an a sour old 3a$helor di.ert his da"sD5 !e was read" to go on in this .ein' ?ut then he saw that #rnestina2s head was 3owed and that her knu$kles were drained white 3" the for$e with whi$h she was gripping the ta3le' !e knew that normall" she would ha.e guessed his tease at on$e+ and he understood that her slowness now sprang from a deep emotion, whi$h $ommuni$ated itself to him' 4?ut if I 3elie.ed that someone $ared for me suffi$ientl" to share'''5 !e $ould not go on, for she had turned, her e"es full of tears' *heir hands met, and he drew her to him' *he" did not kiss' *he" $ould not' !ow $an "ou mer$ilessl" imprison all natural se)ual instin$t for twent" "ears and then not e)pe$t the prisoner to 3e ra$ked 3" so3s when the doors are thrown openD A few minutes later &harles led *ina, a little re$o.ered, down the aisle of hothouse plants to the door 3a$k to the drawing room' ?ut he stopped a moment at a plant of Casmine and pi$ked a sprig and held it pla"full" o.er her head' 4It isn2t mistletoe, 3ut it will do, will it notD5 And so the" kissed, with lips as $hastel" ase)ual as $hildren2s' #rnestina 3egan to $r" again+ then dried her e"es, and allowed &harles to lead her 3a$k into the drawing room, where her mother and father stood' >o words were needed' #rnestina ran into her mother2s opened arms, and twi$e as man" tears as 3efore 3egan to fall' Meanwhile the two men stood smiling at ea$h other+ the one as if he had Cust $on$luded an e)$ellent 3usiness deal, the other as if he was not quite sure whi$h planet he had Cust landed on, 3ut sin$erel" hoped the nati.es were friendl"'
12
In what does the alienation of la3or $onsistD 7irst, that the work is e)ternal to the worker, that it is not a part of his nature, that $onsequentl" he does not fulfill himself in his work 3ut denies himself, has a feeling of miser", not of well;3eing ' ' ' *he worker therefore feels himself at home onl" during his leisure, whereas at work he feels homeless' 8MARX, Economic and Political 2anuscripts (1844) And was the da" of m" delight As pure and perfe$t as I sa"D 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)
&harles put his 3est foot forward, and thoughts of the m"sterious woman 3ehind him, through the woods of :are &ommons' !e walked for a mile or more, until he $ame simultaneousl" to a 3reak in the trees and the first outpost of $i.ili=ation' *his was a long that$hed $ottage, whi$h stood slightl" 3elow his path' *here were two or three meadows around it, running down to the $liffs, and Cust as &harles $ame out of the woodlands he saw a man ho"ing a herd of $ows awa" from a low 3"re 3eside the $ottage' *here slipped into his mind an image a deli$iousl" $ool 3owl of milk' !e had eaten nothing sin$e the dou3le dose of muffins' *ea and tenderness at Mrs' *ranter2s $alled+ 3ut the 3owl of milk shrieked ''' and was mu$h $loser at hand' !e went down a steep grass slope and kno$ked on the 3a$k door of the $ottage' It was opened 3" a small 3arrel of a woman, her fat arms shin" with suds' 1es, he was wel$ome to as mu$h milk as he $ould drink' *he name of the pla$eD *he <air", it seemed, was all it was $alled' &harles followed her into the slant;roofed room that ran the length of the rear of the $ottage' It was dark, shadow", .er" $ool+ a slate floor+ and hea." with the smell of ripening $heese' A line of s$alding 3owls, great $opper pans on wooden trestles, ea$h with its golden $rust of $ream, were ranged under the $heeses, whi$h sat roundl", like squadrons of reser.e moons, on the open rafters a3o.e' &harles remem3ered then to ha.e heard of the pla$e' Its $ream and 3utter had a lo$al reputation+ Aunt *ranter had spoken of it' !e mentioned her name, and the woman who ladled the ri$h milk from a $hurn 3" the door into Cust what he had imagined, a simple 3lue;and;white $hina 3owl, glan$ed at him with a smile' !e was less strange and more wel$ome' As he was talking, or 3eing talked to, 3" the woman on the grass outside the <air", her hus3and $ame 3a$k from dri.ing out his $ows' !e was a 3ald, .ast;3earded man with a distin$tl" saturnine $ast to his fa$e+ a 9eremiah' !e ga.e his wife a stern look' 6he promptl" forewent her $hatter and returned
indoors to her $opper' *he hus3and was e.identl" a ta$iturn man, though he spoke qui$kl" enough when &harles asked him how mu$h he owed for the 3owl of e)$ellent milk' A penn", one of those $harming heads of the "oung Gi$toria that still o$$asionall" turn up in one2s $hange, with all 3ut that gra$eful head worn awa" 3" the $entur"2s use, passed hands' &harles was a3out to $lim3 3a$k to the path' ?ut he had hardl" taken a step when a 3la$k figure appeared out of the trees a3o.e the two men' It was the girl' 6he looked towards the two figures 3elow and then went on her wa" towards ("me' &harles glan$ed 3a$k at the dair"man, who $ontinued to gi.e the figure a3o.e a dooming stare' !e plainl" did not allow deli$a$" to stand in the wa" of propheti$ Cudgment' 4<o "ou know that lad"D5 4A"e'5 4<oes she $ome this wa" oftenD5 4,ften enough'5 *he dair"man $ontinued to stare' *hen he said, 4And she 3een2t no lad"' 6he 3e the 7ren$h (oot2n2nt2s !oer'5 6ome moments passed 3efore &harles grasped the meaning of that last word' And he threw an angr" look at the 3earded dair"man, who was a Methodist and therefore fond of $alling a spade a spade, espe$iall" when the spade was some3od" else2s sin' !e seemed to &harles to in$arnate all the h"po$riti$al gossip8and gossips8of ("me' &harles $ould ha.e 3elie.ed man" things of that sleeping fa$e+ 3ut ne.er that its owner was a whore' A few se$onds later he was himself on the $art tra$k 3a$k to ("me' *wo $halk" ri33ons ran 3etween the woods that mounted inland and a tall hedge that half hid the sea' Ahead mo.ed the 3la$k and now 3onneted figure of the girl+ she walked not qui$kl", 3ut with an e.en pa$e, without feminine affe$tation, like one used to $o.ering long distan$es' &harles set out to $at$h up, and after a hundred "ards or so he $ame $lose 3ehind her' 6he must ha.e heard the sound of his nailed 3oots on the flint that had worn through the $halk, 3ut she did not turn' !e per$ei.ed that the $oat was a little too large for her, and that the heels of her shoes were mudstained' !e hesitated a moment then+ 3ut the memor" of the surl" look on the dissenting dair"man2s fa$e kept &harles to his original $hi.alrous intention to show the poor woman that not e.er"3od" in her world was a 3ar3arian' 4MadamI5 6he turned, to see him hatless, smiling+ and although her e)pression was one of now ordinar" enough surprise, on$e again that fa$e had an e)traordinar" effe$t on him' It was as if after ea$h sight of it, he $ould not 3elie.e its effe$t, and had to see it again' It seemed to 3oth en.elop and reCe$t him+ as if he was a figure in a dream, 3oth standing still and "et
alwa"s re$eding' 4I owe "ou two apologies' I did not know "esterda" that "ou were Mrs' /oultene"2s se$retar"' I fear I addressed "ou in a most impolite manner'5 6he stared down at the ground' 4It2s no matter, sir'5 4And Cust now when I seemed ''' I was afraid lest "ou had 3een taken ill'5 6till without looking at him, she in$lined her head and turned to walk on' 4Ma" I not a$$ompan" "ouD 6in$e we walk in the same dire$tionD5 6he stopped, 3ut did not turn' 4I prefer to walk alone'5 4It was Mrs' *ranter who made me aware of m" error' I am84 4I know who "ou are, sir'5 !e smiled at her timid a3ruptness' 4*hen '''5 !er e"es were suddenl" on his, and with a kind of despair 3eneath the timidit"' 4Hindl" allow me to go on m" wa" alone'5 !is smile faltered' !e 3owed and stepped 3a$k' ?ut instead of $ontinuing on her wa", she stared at the ground a moment' 4And please tell no one "ou ha.e seen me in this pla$e'5 *hen, without looking at him again, she did turn and go on, almost as if she knew her request was in .ain and she regretted it as soon as uttered' 6tanding in the $enter of the road, &harles wat$hed her 3la$k 3a$k re$ede' All he was left with was the after;image of those e"es8the" were a3normal; l" large, as if a3le to see more and suffer more' And their dire$tness of look 8he did not know it, 3ut it was the tra$t;deli.er" look he had re$ei.ed8 $ontained a most pe$uliar element of re3uffal' <o not $ome near me, the" said' 7oli me tangere. !e looked round, tr"ing to imagine wh" she should not wish it known that she $ame among these inno$ent woods' A man perhaps+ some assignationD ?ut then he remem3ered her stor"' :hen &harles finall" arri.ed in ?road 6treet, he de$ided to $all at Mrs' *ranter2s on his wa" to the :hite (ion to e)plain that as soon as he had 3athed and $hanged into de$ent $lothes he would ''' *he door was opened 3" Mar"+ 3ut Mrs' *ranter $han$ed to pass through the hall8to 3e e)a$t, deli3eratel" $ame out into the hall8and insisted that he must not stand upon $eremon"+ and were not his $lothes the 3est proof of his e)$usesD 6o Mar" smilingl" took his ashplant and his ru$ksa$k, and he was ushered into the little 3a$k drawing room, then shot with the last ra"s of the setting sun, where the in.alid la" in a $harmingl" ela3orate state of $armine;and;gra" desha ille. 4I feel like an Irish na.igator transported into a queen2s 3oudoir,5
$omplained &harles, as he kissed #rnestina2s fingers in a wa" that showed he would in fa$t ha.e made a .er" poor Irish na.."' 6he took her hand awa"' 41ou shall not ha.e a drop of tea until "ou ha.e a$$ounted for e.er" moment of "our da"'5 !e a$$ordingl" des$ri3ed e.er"thing that had happened to him+ or almost e.er"thing, for #rnestina had now twi$e made it $lear that the su3Ce$t of the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :oman was distasteful to her8on$e on the &o33, and then again later at lun$h afterwards when Aunt *ranter had gi.en &harles .er" mu$h the same information as the .i$ar of ("me had gi.en Mrs' /oultene" twel.e months 3efore' ?ut #rnestina had reprimanded her nurse;aunt for 3oring &harles with dull tittle;tattle, and the poor woman8 too often summonsed for pro.in$ialit" not to 3e alert to it8had hum3l" o3e"ed' &harles produ$ed the pie$e of ammonitiferous ro$k he had 3rought for #rnestina, who put down her fireshield and attempted to hold it, and $ould not, and forga.e &harles e.er"thing for su$h a la3or of !er$ules, and then was mo$k;angr" with him for endangering life and lim3' 4It is a most fas$inating wilderness, the -nder$liff' I had no idea su$h pla$es e)isted in #ngland' I was reminded of some of the maritime s$eneries of >orthern /ortugal'5 4:h", the man is tran$ed,5 $ried #rnestina' 4>ow $onfess, &harles, "ou ha.en2t 3een 3eheading poor inno$ent ro$ks8 3ut dall"ing with the wood n"mphs'5 &harles showed here an una$$ounta3le moment of em3arrassment, whi$h he $o.ered with a smile' It was on the tip of his tongue to tell them a3out the girl+ a fa$etious wa" of des$ri3ing how he had $ome upon her entered his mind+ and "et seemed a sort of trea$her", 3oth to the girl2s real sorrow and to himself' !e knew he would ha.e 3een l"ing if he had dismissed those two en$ounters lightl"+ and silen$e seemed finall" less a falsehood in that tri.ial room' It remains to 3e e)plained wh" :are &ommons had appeared to e.oke 6odom and 0omorrah in Mrs' /oultene"2s fa$e a fortnight 3efore' ,ne needs no further e)planation, in truth, than that it was the nearest pla$e to ("me where people $ould go and not 3e spied on' *he area had an o3s$ure, long and mis$hie.ous legal histor"' It had alwa"s 3een $onsidered $ommon land until the en$losure a$ts+ then it was en$roa$hed on, as the names of the fields of the <air", whi$h were all stolen from it, still attest' A gentleman in one of the great houses that lie 3ehind the -nder$liff performed a quiet Anschluss8with, as usual in histor", the appro.al of his
fellows in so$iet"' It is true that the more repu3li$an $iti=ens of ("me rose in arms8if an a)e is an arm' 7or the gentleman had set his heart on ha.ing an ar3oretum in the -nder$liff' It $ame to law, and then to a $ompromise a right of wa" was granted, and the rare trees sta"ed unmolested' ?ut the $ommonage was done for' 1et there had remained lo$all" a feeling that :are &ommons was pu3li$ propert"' /oa$hers slunk in less guiltil" than elsewhere after the pheasants and ra33its+ one da" it was dis$o.ered, horror of horrors, that a gang of g"psies had 3een li.ing there, en$amped in a hidden dell, for no3od" knew how man" months' *hese out$asts were promptl" $ast out+ 3ut the memor" of their presen$e remained, and 3e$ame entangled with that of a $hild who had disappeared a3out the same time from a near3" .illage' It was8forgi.e the pun8 $ommon knowledge that the g"psies had taken her, and thrown her into a ra33it stew, and 3uried her 3ones' 0"psies were not #nglish+ and therefore almost $ertain to 3e $anni3als' ?ut the most serious a$$usation against :are &ommons had to do with far worse infam" though it ne.er 3ore that familiar rural name, the $art tra$k to the <air" and 3e"ond to the wooded $ommon was a de facto (o.er2s (ane' It drew $ourting $ouples e.er" summer' *here was the prete)t of a 3owl of milk at the <air"+ and man" in.iting little paths, as one returned, led up into the shielding 3ra$ken and hawthorn $o.erts' *hat running sore was 3ad enough+ a deeper darkness still e)isted' *here was an antedilu.ian tradition (mu$h older than 6hakespeare) that on Midsummer2s >ight "oung people should go with lanterns, and a fiddler, and a keg or two of $ider, to a pat$h of turf known as <onke"2s 0reen in the heart of the woods and there $ele3rate the solsti$e with dan$ing' 6ome said that after midnight more reeling than dan$ing took pla$e+ and the more dra$onian $laimed that there was .er" little of either, 3ut a great deal of something else' 6$ientifi$ agri$ulture, in the form of m")omatosis, has onl" .er" re$entl" lost us the 0reen fore.er, 3ut the $ustom itself lapsed in relation to the lapse in se)ual mores' It is man" "ears sin$e an"thing 3ut fo) or 3adger $u3s tum3led o.er <onke"2s 0reen on Midsummer2s >ight' ?ut it was not so in 18AB' Indeed, onl" a "ear 3efore, a $ommittee of ladies, generated 3" Mrs' /oultene", had pressed the $i.i$ authorities to ha.e the tra$k gated, fen$ed and $losed' ?ut more demo$rati$ .oi$es pre.ailed' *he pu3li$ right of wa" must 3e left sa$rosan$t+ and there were e.en some disgusting sensualists among the &oun$ilors who argued that a walk to the <air" was an inno$ent pleasure+ and the <onke"2s 0reen ?all no more than an annual Cape' ?ut it is
suffi$ient to sa" that among the more respe$ta3le townsfolk one had onl" to speak of a 3o" or a girl as 4one of the :are &ommons kind5 to tar them for life' *he 3o" must then$eforth 3e a sat"r+ and the girl, a hedge;prostitute' 6arah therefore found Mrs' /oultene" sitting in wait for her when she returned from her walk on the e.ening Mrs' 7airle" had so no3l" for$ed herself to do her dut"' I said 4in wait5+ 3ut 4in state5 would ha.e 3een a more appropriate term' 6arah appeared in the pri.ate drawing room for the e.ening ?i3le;reading, and found herself as if fa$ed with the mu==le of a $annon' It was .er" $lear that an" moment Mrs' /oultene" might go off, and with a .er" loud 3ang indeed' 6arah went towards the le$tern in the $orner of the room, where the large 4famil"5 ?i3le8not what "ou ma" think of as a famil" ?i3le, 3ut one from whi$h $ertain ine)pli$a3le errors of taste in the !ol" :rit (su$h as the 6ong of 6olomon) had 3een piousl" e)$ised8la" in its off;dut" hours' ?ut she saw that all was not well' 4Is something wrong, Mrs' /oultene"D5 46omething is .er" wrong,5 said the a33ess' 4I ha.e 3een told something I $an hardl" 3elie.e'5 4*o do with meD5 4I should ne.er ha.e listened to the do$tor' I should ha.e listened to the di$tates of m" own $ommon sense'5 4:hat ha.e I doneD5 4I do not think "ou are mad at all' 1ou are a $unning, wi$ked $reature' 1ou know .er" well what "ou ha.e done'5 4I will swear on the ?i3le84 ?ut Mrs' /oultene" ga.e her a look of indignation' 41ou will do nothing of the sortI *hat is 3lasphem"'5 6arah $ame forward, and stood in front of her mistress' 4I must insist on knowing of what I am a$$used'5 Mrs' /oultene" told her' *o her ama=ement 6arah showed not the least sign of shame' 4?ut what is the sin in walking on :are &ommonsD5 K*he sinI 1ou, a "oung woman, alone, in su$h a pla$eI5 4?ut ma2m, it is nothing 3ut a large wood'5 4I know .er" well what it is' And what goes on there' And the sort of person who frequents it'5 4>o one frequents it' *hat is wh" I go there8to 3e alone'5 4<o "ou $ontradi$t me, missI Am I not to know what I speak ofD5 *he first simple fa$t was that Mrs' /oultene" had ne.er set e"es on :are &ommons, e.en from a distan$e, sin$e it was out of sight of an" $arriage road' *he se$ond simple fa$t is that she was an opium;addi$t83ut 3efore
"ou think I am wildl" sa$rifi$ing plausi3ilit" to sensation, let me qui$kl" add that she did not know it' :hat we $all opium she $alled laudanum' A shrewd, if 3lasphemous, do$tor of the time $alled it ,ur;(ordanum, sin$e man" a nineteenth;$entur" lad"8and less, for the medi$ine was $heap enough (in the form of 0odfre"2s &ordial) to help all $lasses get through that 3la$k night of womankind8sipped it a good deal more frequentl" than &ommunion wine' It was, in short, a .er" near equi.alent of our own age2s sedati.e pills' :h" Mrs' /oultene" should ha.e 3een an inha3itant of the Gi$torian .alle" of the dolls we need not inquire, 3ut it is to the point that laudanum, as &oleridge on$e dis$o.ered, gi.es .i.id dreams' I $annot imagine what ?os$h;like pi$ture of :are &ommons Mrs' /oultene" had 3uilt up o.er the "ears+ what satani$ orgies she di.ined 3ehind e.er" tree, what 7ren$h a3ominations under e.er" leaf' ?ut I think we ma" safel" sa" that it had 3e$ome the o3Ce$ti.e $orrelati.e of all that went on in her own su3$ons$ious' !er out3urst redu$ed 3oth herself and 6arah to silen$e' !a.ing dis$harged, Mrs' /oultene" 3egan to $hange her ta$k' 41ou ha.e distressed me deepl"'5 4?ut how was I to tellD I am not to go to the sea' Ger" well, I don2t go to the sea' I wish for solitude' *hat is all' *hat is not a sin' I will not 3e $alled a sinner for that'5 4!a.e "ou ne.er heard speak of :are &ommonsD5 4As a pla$e of the kind "ou impl"8ne.er'5 Mrs' /oultene" looked somewhat a3ashed then 3efore the girl2s indignation' 6he re$alled that 6arah had not li.ed in ("me until re$entl"+ and that she $ould therefore, Cust $on$ei.a3l", 3e ignorant of the o3loqu" she was in.iting' 4Ger" well' ?ut let it 3e plainl" understood' I permit no one in m" emplo" to go or to 3e seen near that pla$e' 1ou will $onfine "our walks to where it is seeml"' <o I make m"self $learD5 41es' I am to walk in the paths of righteousness'5 7or one appalling moment Mrs' /oultene" thought she had 3een the su3Ce$t of a sar$asm+ 3ut 6arah2s e"es were solemnl" down, as if she had 3een pronoun$ing senten$e on herself+ and righteousness were s"non"mous with suffering' 4*hen let us hear no more of this foolishness' I do this for "our own good'5 6arah murmured, 4I know'5 *hen, 4I thank "ou, ma2m'5 >o more was said' 6he turned to the ?i3le and read the passage Mrs' /oultene" had marked' It was the same one as she had $hosen for that first inter.iew8/salm 11J 4?lessed are the undefiled in the wa", who walk in
the law of the (ord'5 6arah read in a .er" su3dued .oi$e, seemingl" without emotion' *he old woman sat fa$ing the dark shadows at the far end of the room+ like some pagan idol she looked, o3li.ious of the 3lood sa$rifi$e her pitiless stone fa$e demanded' (ater that night 6arah might ha.e 3een seen8though I $annot think 3" whom, unless a passing owl8standing at the open window of her unlit 3edroom' *he house was silent, and the town as well, for people went to 3ed 3" nine in those da"s 3efore ele$tri$it" and tele.ision' It was now one o2$lo$k' 6arah was in her nightgown, with her hair loose+ and she was staring out to sea' A distant lantern winked faintl" on the 3la$k waters out towards /ortland ?ill, where some ship sailed towards ?ridport' 6arah had seen the tin" point of light+ and not gi.en it a se$ond thought' If "ou had gone $loser still, "ou would ha.e seen that her fa$e was wet with silent tears' 6he was not standing at her window as part of her m"sterious .igil for 6atan2s sails+ 3ut as a preliminar" to Cumping from it' I will not make her teeter on the windowsill+ or swa" forward, and then $ollapse so33ing 3a$k onto the worn $arpet of her room' :e know she was ali.e a fortnight after this in$ident, and therefore she did not Cump' >or were hers the so33ing, h"steri$al sort of tears that presage .iolent a$tion+ 3ut those produ$ed 3" a profound $onditional, rather than emotional, miser"8 slow;welling, unstoppa3le, $reeping like 3lood through a 3andage' :ho is 6arahD ,ut of what shadows does she $omeD
13
7or the drift of the Maker is dark, an Isis hid 3" the .eil R 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)
I do not know' *his stor" I am telling is all imagination' *hese $hara$ters I $reate ne.er e)isted outside m" own mind' If I ha.e pretended until now to know m" $hara$ters2 minds and innermost thoughts, it is 3e$ause I am
writing in (Cust as I ha.e assumed some of the .o$a3ular" and 4.oi$e5 of) a $on.ention uni.ersall" a$$epted at the time of m" stor" that the no.elist stands ne)t to 0od' !e ma" not know all, "et he tries to pretend that he does' ?ut I li.e in the age of Alain Ro33e;0rillet and Roland ?arthes+ if this is a no.el, it $annot 3e a no.el in the modern sense of the word' 6o perhaps I am writing a transposed auto3iograph"+ perhaps I now li.e in one of the houses I ha.e 3rought into the fi$tion+ perhaps &harles is m"self disguised' /erhaps it is onl" a game' Modern women like 6arah e)ist, and I ha.e ne.er understood them' ,r perhaps I am tr"ing to pass off a $on; $ealed 3ook of essa"s on "ou' Instead of $hapter headings, perhaps I should ha.e written 4,n the !ori=ontalit" of #)isten$e,5 4*he Illusions of /rogress,5 4*he !istor" of the >o.el 7orm,5 4*he Aetiolog" of 7reedom,5 46ome 7orgotten Aspe$ts of the Gi$torian Age5 ''' what "ou will' /erhaps "ou suppose that a no.elist has onl" to pull the right strings and his puppets will 3eha.e in a lifelike manner+ and produ$e on request a thorough anal"sis of their moti.es and intentions' &ertainl" I intended at this stage ,Chap. Thirteen8unfolding of *arah.s true state of mind' to tell all8 or all that matters' ?ut I find m"self suddenl" like a man in the sharp spring night, wat$hing from the lawn 3eneath that dim upper window in Marl3orough !ouse+ I know in the $onte)t of m" 3ook2s realit" that 6arah would ne.er ha.e 3rushed awa" her tears and leaned down and deli.ered a $hapter of re.elation' 6he would instantl" ha.e turned, had she seen me there Cust as the old moon rose, and disappeared into the interior shadows' ?ut I am a no.elist, not a man in a garden8I $an follow her where I likeD ?ut possi3ilit" is not permissi3ilit"' !us3ands $ould often murder their wi.es8and the re.erse8and get awa" with it' ?ut the" don2t' 1ou ma" think no.elists alwa"s ha.e fi)ed plans to whi$h the" work, so that the future predi$ted 3" &hapter ,ne is alwa"s ine)ora3l" the a$tualit" of &hapter *hirteen' ?ut no.elists write for $ountless different reasons for mone", for fame, for re.iewers, for parents, for friends, for lo.ed ones+ for .anit", for pride, for $uriosit", for amusement as skilled furniture makers enCo" making furniture, as drunkards like drinking, as Cudges like Cudging, as 6i$ilians like empt"ing a shotgun into an enem"2s 3a$k' I $ould fill a 3ook with reasons, and the" would all 3e true, though not true of all' ,nl" one same reason is shared 3" all of us we wish to create worlds as real as- ut other than the world that is. ,r was' *his is wh" we $annot plan' :e know a world is an organism, not a ma$hine' :e also know that a genuinel" $reated world must 3e independent of its $reator+ a planned world (a world that full" re.eals its planning) is a dead world' It is onl" when our $hara$ters and
e.ents 3egin to diso3e" us that the" 3egin to li.e' :hen &harles left 6arah on her $liff edge, I ordered him to walk straight 3a$k to ("me Regis' ?ut he did not+ he gratuitousl" turned and went down to the <air"' ,h, 3ut "ou sa", $ome on8what I reall" mean is that the idea $rossed m" mind as I wrote that it might 3e more $le.er to ha.e him stop and drink milk ''' and meet 6arah again' *hat is $ertainl" one e)planation of what happened+ 3ut I $an onl" report8and I am the most relia3le witness8that the idea seemed to me to $ome $learl" from &harles, not m"self' It is not onl" that he has 3egun to gain an autonom"+ I must respe$t it, and disrespe$t all m" quasi;di.ine plans for him, if I wish him to 3e real' In other words, to 3e free m"self, I must gi.e him, and *ina, and 6arah, e.en the a3omina3le Mrs' /oultene", their freedom as well' *here is onl" one good definition of 0od the freedom that allows other freedoms to e)ist' And I must $onform to that definition' *he no.elist is still a god, sin$e he $reates (and not e.en the most aleator" a.ant;garde modern no.el has managed to e)tirpate its author $ompletel")+ what has $hanged is that we are no longer the gods of the Gi$torian image, omnis$ient and de$reeing+ 3ut in the new theologi$al image, with freedom our first prin$iple, not authorit"' I ha.e disgra$efull" 3roken the illusionD >o' M" $hara$ters still e)ist, and in a realit" no less, or no more, real than the one I ha.e Cust 3roken' 7i$tion is wo.en into all, as a 0reek o3ser.ed some two and a half thousand "ears ago' I find this new realit" (or unrealit") more .alid+ and I would ha.e "ou share m" own sense that I do not full" $ontrol these $reatures of m" mind, an" more than "ou $ontrol8howe.er hard "ou tr", howe.er mu$h of a latterda" Mrs' /oultene" "ou ma" 3e8"our $hildren, $olleagues, friends, or e.en "ourself' ?ut this is preposterousD A $hara$ter is either 4real5 or 4imaginar"5D If "ou think that, hypocrite lecteur- I $an onl" smile' 1ou do not e.en think of "our own past as quite real+ "ou dress it up, "ou gild it or 3la$ken it, $ensor it, tinker with it ''' fi$tionali=e it, in a word, and put it awa" on a shelf8"our 3ook, "our roman$ed auto3iograph"' :e are all in flight from the real realit"' *hat is a 3asi$ definition of #omo sapiens. 6o if "ou think all this unlu$k" (3ut it is &hapter *hirteen) digression has nothing to do with "our *ime, /rogress, 6o$iet", #.olution and all those other $apitali=ed ghosts in the night that are rattling their $hains 3ehind the s$enes of this 3ook ''' I will not argue' ?ut I shall suspe$t "ou' I report, then, onl" the outward fa$ts that 6arah $ried in the darkness,
3ut did not kill herself+ that she $ontinued, in spite of the e)press prohi3ition, to haunt :are &ommons' In a wa", therefore, she had indeed Cumped+ and was li.ing in a kind of long fall, sin$e sooner or later the news must ine.ita3l" $ome to Mrs' /oultene" of the sinner2s $ompounding of her sin' It is true 6arah went less often to the woods than she had 3e$ome a$$ustomed to, a depri.ation at first made eas" for her 3" the wetness of the weather those following two weeks' It is true also that she took some minimal pre$autions of a militar" kind' *he $art tra$k e.entuall" ran out into a small lane, little 3etter than a superior $art tra$k itself, whi$h $ur.ed down a 3road $om3e $alled :are Galle" until it Coined, on the outskirts of ("me, the main $arriage road to 6idmouth and #)eter' *here was a small s$atter of respe$ta3le houses in :are Galle", and it was therefore a seeml" pla$e to walk' 7ortunatel" none of these houses o.erlooked the Cun$tion of $art tra$k and lane' ,n$e there, 6arah had merel" to look round to see if she was alone' ,ne da" she set out with the intention of walking into the woods' ?ut as in the lane she $ame to the tra$k to the <air" she saw two people $ome round a higher 3end' 6he walked straight on towards them, and on$e round the 3end, wat$hed to make sure that the $ouple did not themsel.es take the <air" tra$k+ then retra$ed her footsteps and entered her san$tuar" uno3ser.ed' 6he risked meeting other promenaders on the tra$k itself+ and might alwa"s ha.e risked the dair"man and his famil"2s e"es' ?ut this latter danger she a.oided 3" dis$o.ering for herself that one of the in.iting paths into the 3ra$ken a3o.e the tra$k led round, out of sight of the <air", onto the path through the woods' *his path she had in.aria3l" taken, until that afternoon when she re$klessl"8as we $an now reali=e8 emerged in full .iew of the two men' *he reason was simple' 6he had o.erslept, and she knew she was late for her reading' Mrs' /oultene" was to dine at (ad" &otton2s that e.ening+ and the usual hour had 3een put forward to allow her to prepare for what was alwa"s in essen$e, if not appearan$e, a thunderous $lash of two 3rontosauri+ with 3la$k .el.et taking the pla$e of iron $artilage, and quotations from the ?i3le the angr" raging teeth+ 3ut no less dour and relentless a 3attle' Also, &harles2s down;staring fa$e had sho$ked her+ she felt the speed of her fall a$$elerate+ when the $ruel ground rushes up, when the fall is from su$h a height, what use are pre$autionsD
14
4M" idea of good $ompan", Mr' #lliot, is the $ompan" of $le.er, well; informed people, who ha.e a great deal of $on.ersation+ that is what I $all good $ompan"'5 41ou are mistaken,5 said he, gentl", 4that is not good $ompan"8that is the 3est' 0ood $ompan" requires onl" 3irth, edu$ation, and manners, and with regard to edu$ation is not .er" ni$e'5 89A># A-6*#>, Persuasion
Gisitors to ("me in the nineteenth $entur", if the" did not quite ha.e to undergo the ordeal fa$ing tra.elers to the an$ient 0reek $olonies8&harles did not a$tuall" ha.e to deli.er a /eri$lean oration plus $omprehensi.e world news summar" from the steps of the *own !all8were $ertainl" e)pe$ted to allow themsel.es to 3e e)amined and spoken to' #rnestina had alread" warned &harles of this+ that he must regard himself as no more than a 3east in a menagerie and take as amia3l" as he $ould the $rude stares and the poking um3rellas' *hus it was that two or three times a week he had to go .isiting with the ladies and suffer hours of e)$ru$iating 3oredom, whose onl" $onsolation was the little s$ene that took pla$e with a pleasing regularit" when the" had got 3a$k to Aunt *ranter2s house' #rnestina would an)iousl" sear$h his e"es, gla=ed 3" $louds of platitudinous small talk, and sa" 4:as it dreadfulD &an "ou forgi.e meD <o "ou hate meD5+ and when he smiled she would throw herself into his arms, as if he had mira$ulousl" sur.i.ed a riot or an a.alan$he' It so happened that the a.alan$he for the morning after &harles2s dis$o.er" of the -nder$liff was appointed to take pla$e at Marl3orough !ouse' *here was nothing fortuitous or spontaneous a3out these .isits' *here $ould not 3e, sin$e the identities of .isitors and .isited spread round the little town with in$redi3le rapidit"+ and that 3oth made and maintained a rigorous sense of proto$ol' Mrs' /oultene"2s interest in &harles was pro3a3l" no greater than &harles2s in her+ 3ut she would ha.e 3een mortall" offended if he had not 3een dragged in $hains for her to pla$e her fat little foot on8and prett" soon after his arri.al, sin$e the later the .isit during a sta", the less the honor' *hese 4foreigners5 were, of $ourse, essentiall" $ounters in a game' *he .isits were unimportant 3ut the deli$ious uses to whi$h the" $ould 3e put when on$e re$ei.edI 3$ear Mrs' *ranter, she wanted me to 3e the first to
meet '''5 and 4I am most surprised that #rnestina has not $alled on "ou "et8 she has spoiled us8alread" two $alls ' ' '5 and 4I am sure it is an o.ersight 8Mrs' *ranter is an affe$tionate old soul, 3ut so a3sent;minded '''5 *hese, and similar mouthwatering opportunities for twists of the so$ial dagger depended on a suppl" of 4important5 .isitors like &harles' And he $ould no more ha.e a.oided his fate than a plump mouse dropping 3etween the $laws of a hungr" $at8se.eral do=en hungr" $ats, to 3e e)a$t' :hen Mrs' *ranter and her two "oung $ompanions were announ$ed on the morning following that woodland meeting, 6arah rose at on$e to lea.e the room' ?ut Mrs' /oultene", whom the thought of "oung happiness alwa"s made petulant, and who had in an" $ase reason enough8after an e.ening of (ad" &otton8to 3e a good deal more than petulant, 3ade her sta"' #rnestina she $onsidered a fri.olous "oung woman, and she was sure her intended would 3e a fri.olous "oung man+ it was almost her dut" to em3arrass them' 6he knew, 3esides, that su$h so$ial o$$asions were like a hair shirt to the sinner' All $onspired' *he .isitors were ushered in' Mrs' *ranter rustled forward, effusi.e and kind' 6arah stood sh"l", painfull" out of pla$e in the 3a$kground+ and &harles and #rnestina stood easil" on the $arpet 3ehind the two elder ladies, who had known ea$h other suffi$ient de$ades to make a sort of token em3ra$e ne$essar"' *hen #rnestina was presented, gi.ing the faintest suspi$ion of a $urts" 3efore she took the reginal hand' 4!ow are "ou, Mrs' /oultene"D 1ou look e)$eedingl" well'5 4At m" age, Miss 7reeman, spiritual health is all that $ounts'5 4*hen I ha.e no fears for "ou'5 Mrs' /oultene" would ha.e liked to pursue this interesting su3Ce$t, 3ut #rnestina turned to present &harles, who 3ent o.er the old lad"2s hand' 40reat pleasure, ma2m' &harming house'5 4It is too large for me' I keep it on for m" dear hus3and2s sake' I know he would ha.e wished8he wishes it so'5 And she stared past &harles at the house2s $hief i$on, an oil painting done of 7rederi$k onl" two "ears 3efore he died in 18E1, in whi$h it was $lear that he was a wise, &hristian, dignified, good;looking sort of man8 a3o.e all, superior to most' !e had $ertainl" 3een a &hristian, and dignified in the e)treme, 3ut the painter had drawn on imagination for the other qualities' *he long;departed Mr' /oultene" had 3een a total, though .er" ri$h, nonentit"+ and the onl" reall" signifi$ant a$t of his life had 3een his lea.ing it' &harles sur.e"ed this skeleton at the feast with a suita3le deferen$e'
4Ah' Indeed' I understand' Most natural'5 3Their wishes must 3e o3e"ed'5 49ust so'5 Mrs' *ranter, who had alread" smiled at 6arah, took her as an opportunit" to 3reak in upon this sepul$hral 1ntroit. 4M" dear Miss :oodruff, it is a pleasure to see "ou'5 And she went and pressed 6arah2s hand, and ga.e her a genuinel" soli$itous look, and said in a lower .oi$e, 4:ill "ou $ome to see me8when dear *ina has goneD5 7or a se$ond then, a rare look $rossed 6arah2s fa$e' *hat $omputer in her heart had long 3efore assessed Mrs' *ranter and stored the resultant tape' *hat reser.e, that independen$e so perilousl" $lose to defian$e whi$h had 3e$ome her mask in Mrs' /oultene"2s presen$e, momentaril" dropped' 6he smiled e.en, though sadl", and made an infinitesimal nod if she $ould, she would' 7urther introdu$tions were then made' *he two "oung ladies $ooll" in$lined heads at one another, and &harles 3owed' !e wat$hed $losel" to see if the girl would in an" wa" 3etra" their two meetings of the da" 3efore, 3ut her e"es studiousl" a.oided his' !e was intrigued to see how the wild animal would 3eha.e in these 3arred surroundings+ and was soon disappointed to see that it was with an apparent utter meekness' -nless it was to ask her to fet$h something, or to pull the 3ell when it was de$ided that the ladies would like hot $ho$olate, Mrs' /oultene" ignored 6arah a3solutel"' 6o also, &harles was not pleased to note, did #rnestina' Aunt *ranter did her 3est to draw the girl into the $on.ersation+ 3ut she sat slightl" apart, with a kind of 3lankness of fa$e, a withdrawnness, that $ould .er" well 3e taken for $ons$iousness of her inferior status' !e himself on$e or twi$e turned politel" to her for the $onfirmation of an opinion83ut it was without su$$ess' 6he made the least response possi3le+ and still a.oided his e"es' It was not until towards the end of the .isit that &harles 3egan to reali=e a quite new aspe$t of the situation' It 3e$ame $lear to him that the girl2s silent meekness ran $ontrar" to her nature+ that she was therefore pla"ing a part+ and that the part was one of $omplete disasso$iation from, and disap; pro3ation of, her mistress' Mrs' /oultene" and Mrs' *ranter respe$ti.el" gloomed and 3u33led their wa" through the s$hedule of polite $on.ersational su3Ce$ts8short, perhaps, in num3er, 3ut endlessl" long in pro$ess ''' ser.ants+ the weather+ impending 3irths, funerals and marriages+ Mr' <israeli and Mr' 0ladstone (this seemingl" for &harles2s 3enefit, though it allowed Mrs' /oultene" to $ondemn se.erel" the personal prin$iples of the first and the politi$al ones of the se$ond)+M then on to last 6unda"2s sermon, the defi$ien$ies of the lo$al tradesmen and then$e naturall" 3a$k to ser.ants' As &harles smiled and raised e"e3rows and nodded his wa" through this
familiar purgator", he de$ided that the silent Miss :oodruff was la3oring under a sense of inCusti$e8and, .er" interestingl" to a shrewd o3ser.er, doing singularl" little to $on$eal it'
NM /erhaps, in fairness to the lad", it might 3e said that in that spring of 18AB her 3lanket disfa.or was 3eing shared 3" man" others' Mr' 0ladraeli and Mr' <i=="stone put up a .ertiginous Coint performan$e that "ear+ we sometimes forget that the passing of the last great Reform ?ill (it 3e$ame law that $oming August) was engineered 3" the 7ather of Modern &onser.atism and 3itterl" opposed 3" the 0reat (i3eral' *ories like Mrs' /oultene" therefore found themsel.es 3eing defended from the horror of seeing their menials one step nearer the .ote 3" the leader of the part" the" a3horred on pra$ti$all" e.er" other ground' Mar) remarked, in one of his 7ew 8or5 $aily Tri une arti$les, that in realit" the ?ritish :higs 4represent something quite different from their professed li3eral and enlightened prin$iples' *hus the" are in the same position as the drunkard 3rought up 3efore the (ord Ma"or, who de$lared that he represented the *emperan$e prin$iple, 3ut from some a$$ident or other alwa"s got drunk on 6unda"s'5 *he t"pe is not e)tin$t'O
*his was per$epti.e of &harles, for he had noti$ed something that had es$aped almost e.er"one else in ("me' ?ut perhaps his dedu$tion would ha.e remained at the state of a mere suspi$ion, had not his hostess deli.ered herself of a $hara$teristi$ /oultene"ism' 4*hat girl I dismissed8she has gi.en "ou no further trou3leD5 Mrs' *ranter smiled' 4Mar"D I would not part with her for the world'5 4Mrs' 7airle" informs me that she saw her onl" this morning talking with a person'5 Mrs' /oultene" used 4person5 as two patrioti$ 7ren$hmen might ha.e said 4>a=i5 during the o$$upation' 4A "oung person' Mrs' 7airle" did not know him'5 #rnestina ga.e &harles a sharp, reproa$hful glan$e+ for a wild moment he thought he was 3eing a$$used himself8then reali=ed' !e smiled' 4*hen no dou3t it was 6am' M" ser.ant, madam,5 he added for Mrs' /oultene"2s 3enefit' #rnestina a.oided his e"es' 4I meant to tell "ou' I too saw them talking together "esterda"'5 4?ut surel" ''' we are not going to for3id them to speak together if the" meetD5 4*here is a world of differen$e 3etween what ma" 3e a$$epted in (ondon and what is proper here' I think "ou should speak to 6am' *he girl is too easil" led'5 Mrs' *ranter looked hurt' 4#rnestina m" dear ''' she ma" 3e high; spirited' ?ut I2.e ne.er had the least $ause to84 4M" dear, kind aunt, I am well aware how fond "ou are of her'5 &harles heard the dr"ness in her .oi$e and $ame to the hurt Mrs' *ranter2s defense'
4I wish that more mistresses were as fond' *here is no surer sign of a happ" house than a happ" maidser.ant at its door'5 #rnestina looked down at that, with a telltale little tightening of her lips' 0ood Mrs' *ranter 3lushed slightl" at the $ompliment, and also looked down' Mrs' /oultene" had listened to this $rossfire with some pleasure+ and she now de$ided that she disliked &harles suffi$ientl" to 3e rude to him' 41our future wife is a 3etter Cudge than "ou are of su$h matters, Mr' 6mithson' I know the girl in question' I had to dismiss her' If "ou were older "ou would know that one $annot 3e too stri$t in su$h matters'5 And she too looked down, her wa" of indi$ating that a su3Ce$t had 3een pronoun$ed on 3" her, and was therefore at a uni.ersal end' 4I 3ow to "our far greater e)perien$e, madam'5 ?ut his tone was unmistaka3l" $old and sar$asti$' *he three ladies all sat with a.erted e"es Mrs' *ranter out of em3arrassment, #rnestina out of irritation with herself8for she had not meant to 3ring su$h a snu3 on &harles2s head, and wished she had kept silent+ and Mrs' /oultene" out of 3eing who she was' It was thus that a look unseen 3" these ladies did at last pass 3etween 6arah and &harles' It was .er" 3rief, 3ut it spoke worlds+ two strangers had re$ogni=ed the" shared a $ommon enem"' 7or the first time she did not look through him, 3ut at him+ and &harles resol.ed that he would ha.e his re.enge on Mrs' /oultene", and tea$h #rnestina an e.identl" needed lesson in $ommon humanit"' !e remem3ered, too, his re$ent passage of arms with #rnestina2s father on the su3Ce$t of &harles <arwin' ?igotr" was onl" too pre.alent in the $ountr"+ and he would not tolerate it in the girl he was to marr"' !e would speak to 6am+ 3" hea.ens, "es, he would speak to 6am' !ow he spoke, we shall see in a moment' ?ut the general tenor of that $on.ersation had, in fa$t, alread" 3een forestalled, sin$e Mrs' /oultene"2s 4person5 was at that moment sitting in the downstairs kit$hen at Mrs' *ranter2s' 6am had met Mar" in &oom3e 6treet that morning+ and inno$entl" asked if the soot might 3e deli.ered in an hour2s time' !e knew, of $ourse, that the two ladies would 3e awa" at Marl3orough !ouse' *he $on.ersation in that kit$hen was surprisingl" serious, reall" a good deal more so than that in Mrs' /oultene"2s drawing room' Mar" leaned against the great dresser, with her prett" arms folded, and a strand of the $orn;$olored hair es$aping from under her dusting $ap' >ow and then she asked questions, 3ut 6am did most of the talking, though it was mainl" to the s$ru33ed deal of the long ta3le' ,nl" .er" o$$asionall" did their e"es meet, and then 3" mutual a$$ord the" looked sh"l" awa" from ea$h other'
15
''' as regards the la3oring $lasses, the half;sa.age manners of the last generation ha.e 3een e)$hanged for a deep and almost uni.ersall" per.ading sensualit" ''' 89eport from.the 2ining $istricts (18EF) ,r in the light of deeper e"es Is matter for a fl"ing smile' 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)
:hen the ne)t morning $ame and &harles took up his ungentle pro3ing of 6am2s &o$kne" heart, he was not in fa$t 3etra"ing #rnestina, whate.er ma" ha.e 3een the $ase with Mrs' /oultene"' *he" had left shortl" following the e)$hange des$ri3ed a3o.e, and #rnestina had 3een .er" silent on the walk downhill to ?road 6treet' ,n$e there she had seen to it that she was left alone with &harles+ and no sooner had the door shut on her aunt2s 3a$k than she 3urst into tears (without the usual preliminar" self;a$$usations) and threw herself into his arms' It was the first disagreement that had e.er darkened their lo.e, and it horrified her that her sweet gentle &harles should 3e snu33ed 3" a horrid old woman, and all 3e$ause of a fit of pique on her part' :hen he had dutifull" patted her 3a$k and dried her e"es, she said as mu$h' &harles stole a kiss on ea$h wet e"elid as a re.enge, and forthwith forga.e her' 4And m" sweet, sill" *ina, wh" should we den" to others what has made us 3oth so happ"D :hat if this wi$ked maid and m" ras$al 6am should fall in lo.eD Are we to throw stonesD5 6he smiled up at him from her $hair' 4*his is what $omes of tr"ing to 3eha.e like a grown;up'5 !e knelt 3eside her and took her hand' 46weet $hild' 1ou will alwa"s 3e that to me'5 6he 3ent her head to kiss his hand, and he in turn kissed the top of her hair' 6he murmured, 4#ight";eight da"s' I $annot 3ear the thought'5 4(et us elope' And go to /aris'5
4&harles ' ' ' what wi$kednessI5 6he raised her head, and he kissed her on the lips' 6he sank 3a$k against the $orner of the $hair, dew";e"ed, 3lushing, her heart 3eating so fast that she thought she would faint+ too frail for su$h sudden $hanges of emotion' !e retained her hand, and pressed it pla"full"' 4If the worth" Mrs' /' $ould see us nowD5 6he $o.ered her fa$e with her hands, and 3egan to laugh, $hoked giggles that $ommuni$ated themsel.es to &harles and for$ed him to get to his feet and go to the window, and pretend to 3e dignified83ut he $ould not help looking 3a$k, and $aught her e"es 3etween her fingers' *here were more $hoked sounds in the silent room' *o 3oth $ame the same insight the wonderful new freedoms their age 3rought, how wonderful it was to 3e thoroughl" modern "oung people, with a thoroughl" modern sense of humor, a millennium awa" from ' ' ' 4,h &harles ''' oh &harles ''' do "ou remem3er the #arl" &reta$eous lad"D5 *hat set them off again+ and thoroughl" m"stified poor Mrs' *ranter, who had 3een on hot $oals outside, sensing that a quarrel must 3e taking pla$e' 6he at last plu$ked up $ourage to enter, to see if she $ould mend' *ina, still laughing, ran to her at the door and kissed her on 3oth $heeks' 4<ear, dear aunt' 1ou are not too fond' I am a horrid, spoiled $hild' And I do not want m" green walking dress' Ma" I gi.e it to Mar"D5 *hus it was that later that same da" #rnestina figured, and sin$erel", in Mar"2s pra"ers' I dou3t if the" were heard, for instead of getting straight into 3ed after she had risen from her knees, as all good pra"er;makers should, Mar" $ould not resist tr"ing the green dress on one last time' 6he had onl" a $andle2s light to see 3", 3ut $andlelight ne.er did 3adl" 3" an" woman' *hat $loud of falling golden hair, that .i.a$ious green, those trem3ling shadows, that sh", delighted, self;surprised fa$e ''' if her 0od was wat$hing, !e must ha.e wished !imself the 7allen ,ne that night' 4I ha.e de$ided, 6am, that I do not need "ou'5 &harles $ould not see 6am2s fa$e, for his e"es were $losed' !e was 3eing sha.ed' ?ut the wa" the ra=or stopped told him of the satisfa$tor" sho$k administered' 41ou ma" return to Hensington'5 *here was a silen$e that would ha.e softened the heart of an" less sadisti$ master' 41ou ha.e nothing to sa"D5 41es, sir' ?e Kappier 4ere'5 4I ha.e de$ided "ou are up to no good' I am well aware that that is "our natural $ondition' ?ut I prefer "ou to 3e up to no good in (ondon' :hi$h is more used to up;to;no;gooders'5 4I ain2t done nothink, Mr' &harles'5
4I also wish to spare "ou the pain of ha.ing to meet that impertinent "oung maid of Mrs' *ranter2s'5 *here was an audi3le out3reath' &harles $autiousl" opened an e"e' 4Is that not kind of meD5 6am stared stonil" o.er his master2s head' 46he Kas made halopogies' I2a.e ha$$epted them'5 4:hatI 7rom a mere milkmaidD Impossi3le'5 &harles had to $lose his e"e then in a hurr", to a.oid a roughl" applied 3rushful of lather' 4It was higgeran$e, Mr' &harles' 6heer higgeran$e'5 4I see' *hen matters are worse than I thought' 1ou must $ertainl" de$amp'5 ?ut 6am had had enough' !e let the lather sta" where it was, until &harles was o3liged to open his e"es and see what was happening' :hat was happening was that 6am stood in a fit of the sulks+ or at least with the sem3lan$e of it' 4>ow what is wrongD5 42#r, sir'5 3"rsa: Are "ou speaking (atin nowD >e.er mind, m" wit is 3e"ond "ou, "ou 3ear' >ow I want the truth' 1esterda" "ou were not prepared to tou$h the "oung lad" with a 3argee2s tool of tradeD <o "ou den" thatD5 4I was pro.oked'5 4Ah, 3ut where is the primum mo ile: :ho pro.oked firstD5 ?ut &harles now saw he had gone too far' *he ra=or was trem3ling in 6am2s hand+ not with murderous intent, 3ut with suppressed indignation' &harles rea$hed out and took it awa" from him+ pointed it at him' 4In twent";four hours, 6amD In twent";four hoursD5 6am 3egan to ru3 the washstand with the towel that was intended for &harles2s $heeks' *here was a silen$e+ and when he spoke it was with a $hoked .oi$e' 4:e2re not Korses' :e2re Kooman 3eings'5 &harles smiled then, and stood, and went 3ehind his man, and hand to his shoulder made him turn' 46am, I apologi=e' ?ut "ou will $onfess that "our past relations with the fair se) ha.e hardl" prepared me for this'5 6am looked resentfull" down+ a $ertain past $"ni$ism had $ome home to roost' 4>ow this girl8what is her nameD8 Mar"D8this $harming Miss Mar" ma" 3e great fun to tease and 3e teased 3"8let me finish83ut I am told she is a gentle trusting $reature at heart' And I will not ha.e that heart 3roken'5 4&ut off me harms, Mr' &harlesI5 4Ger" well' I 3elie.e "ou, without the amputation' ?ut "ou will not go to the house again, or address the "oung woman in the street, until I ha.e
spoken with Mrs' *ranter and found whether she permits "our attentions'5 6am, whose e"es had 3een down, looked up then at his master+ and he grinned ruefull", like some d"ing "oung soldier on the ground at his offi$er2s feet' 4I2m a <er3" du$k, sir' I2m a 3loomin2 <er3" du$k'5 A <er3" du$k, I had 3etter add, is one alread" $ooked8 and therefore quite 3e"ond hope of resurre$tion'
16
Maud in the light of her "outh and her gra$e, 6inging of <eath, and of !onor that $annot die, *ill I well $ould weep for a time so sordid and mean, And m"self so languid and 3ase' 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE) >e.er, 3elie.e me, I knew of the feelings 3etween men and women, *ill in some .illage fields in holida"s now getting stupid, ,ne da" sauntering 4long and listless,5 as *enn"son has it, (ong and listless strolling, ungainl" in ho33adi3o"hood, &han$ed it m" e"e fell aside on a $apless, 3onnetless maiden ' ' ' 8A' !' &(,-0!, The 6othie of To er;na;Vuolich (1848)
7i.e une.entful da"s passed after the last I ha.e des$ri3ed' 7or &harles, no opportunities to $ontinue his e)ploration of the -nder$liff presented themsel.es' ,n one da" there was a long e)$ursion to 6idmouth+ the mornings of the others were taken up 3" .isits or other more agreea3le di.ersions, su$h as ar$her", then a minor rage among the "oung ladies of #n; gland8the dark green de rigueur was so 3e$oming, and so delightful the tamed gentlemen walking to fet$h the arrows from the 3utts (where the m"opi$ #rnestina2s seldom landed, I am afraid) and returning with prett" Cokes a3out &upid and hearts and Maid Marian' As for the afternoons, #rnestina usuall" persuaded him to sta" at Aunt *ranter2s+ there were .er" serious domesti$ matters to dis$uss, sin$e the Hensington house was far too small and the lease of the ?elgra.ia house,
into whi$h the" would e.entuall" mo.e, did not re.ert into &harles2s hands for another two "ears' *he little contretemps seemed to ha.e $hanged #rnestina+ she was .er" deferential to &harles, so dutiful;wifel" that he $omplained he was 3eginning to feel like a *urkish pasha8and unoriginall" 3egged her to $ontradi$t him a3out something lest he forget theirs was to 3e a &hristian marriage' &harles suffered this sudden a$$ess of respe$t for his e.er" wish with good humor' !e was shrewd enough to reali=e that #rnestina had 3een taken 3" surprise+ until the little disagreement she had perhaps 3een more in lo.e with marriage than with her hus3and;to;3e+ now she had re$ogni=ed the man, as well as the state' &harles, it must 3e $onfessed, found this transposition from dr"ness to moistness Cust a shade $lo"ing at times+ he was happ" to 3e adulated, fussed o.er, $onsulted, deferred to' :hat man is notD ?ut he had had "ears of .er" free 3a$helorhood, and in his fashion was also a horrid, spoiled $hild' It was still strange to him to find that his mornings were not his own+ that the plans of an afternoon might ha.e to 3e sa$rifi$ed to some whim of *ina2s' ,f $ourse he had dut" to 3a$k him up+ hus3ands were e)pe$ted to do su$h things, therefore he must do them8Cust as he must wear hea." flannel and nailed 3oots to go walking in the $ountr"' And the e.eningsI *hose gaslit hours that had to 3e filled, and without 3enefit of $inema or tele.isionI 7or those who had a li.ing to earn this was hardl" a great pro3lem when "ou ha.e worked a twel.e;hour da", the pro3lem of what to do after "our supper is easil" sol.ed' ?ut pit" the unfortunate ri$h+ for whate.er li$ense was gi.en them to 3e solitar" 3efore the e.ening hours, $on.ention demanded that then the" must 3e 3ored in $ompan"' 6o let us see how &harles and #rnestina are $rossing one parti$ular su$h desert' Aunt *ranter, at least, the" are spared, as the good lad" has gone to take tea with an in.alid spinster neigh3or+ an e)a$t fa$sim; ile, in e.er"thing 3ut looks and histor", of herself' &harles is gra$efull" sprawled a$ross the sofa, two fingers up his $heek, two others and the thum3 under his $hin, his el3ow on the sofa2s arm, and staring gra.el" a$ross the A)minster $arpet at *ina, who is reading, a small red moro$$o .olume in her left hand and her right hand holding her fireshield (an o3Ce$t rather like a long;paddled /ing;/ong 3at, $o.ered in em3roidered satin and maroon;3raided round the edges, whose purpose is to pre.ent the heat from the $ra$kling $oals daring to redden that $hastel" pale $omple)ion), whi$h she 3eats, a little irregularl", to the .er" regular 3eat of the narrati.e poem she is reading' It is a 3est seller of the 18AFs the !onora3le Mrs' &aroline >orton2s The 0ady of 0a %araye- of whi$h The Edin urgh 9eview- no less, has
pronoun$ed 4*he poem is a pure, tender, tou$hing tale of pain, sorrow, lo.e, dut", piet" and death58surel" as prett" a string of ke" mid;Gi$torian adCe$ti.es and nouns as one $ould e.er hope to light on (and mu$h too good for me to in.ent, let me add)' 1ou ma" think that Mrs' >orton was a mere insipid poetastri) of the age' Insipid her .erse is, as "ou will see in a minute+ 3ut she was a far from insipid person' 6he was 6heridan2s granddaughter for one thing+ she had 3een, so it was rumored, Mel3ourne2s mistress8her hus3and had $ertainl" 3elie.ed the rumor strongl" enough to 3ring an unsu$$essful crim. con. a$tion against the great statesman+ and she was an ardent feminist8 what we would $all toda" a li3eral' *he lad" of the title is a sprightl" 7ren$h lord2s sprightl" wife who has a $rippling a$$ident out hunting and de.otes the rest of her e)$essi.el" som3er life to good works8more useful ones than (ad" &otton2s, sin$e she founds a hospital' *hough set in the se.enteenth $entur" it is transparentl" a eulog" of 7loren$e >ightingale' *his was $ertainl" wh" the poem stru$k so deep into so man" feminine hearts in that de$ade' :e who li.e afterwards think of great reformers as triumphing o.er great opposition or great apath"' ,pposition and apath" the real (ad" of the (amp had $ertainl" had to $ontend with+ 3ut there is an element in s"mpath", as I ha.e pointed out elsewhere, that $an 3e almost as harmful' It was .er" far from the first time that #rnestina had read the poem+ she knew some of it almost 3" heart' #a$h time she read it (she was o.ertl" reading it again now 3e$ause it was (ent) she felt ele.ated and purified, a 3etter "oung woman' I need onl" add here that she had ne.er set foot in a hospital, or nursed a si$k $ottager, in her life' !er parents would not ha.e allowed her to, of $ourse+ 3ut she had ne.er e.en thought of doing su$h a thing' Ah, "ou sa", 3ut women were $hained to their role at that time' ?ut remem3er the date of this e.ening April Ath, 18AB' At :estminster onl" one week 3efore 9ohn 6tuart Mill had sei=ed an opportunit" in one of the earl" de3ates on the Reform ?ill to argue that now was the time to gi.e women equal rights at the 3allot 3o)' !is 3ra.e attempt (the motion was defeated 3" 1JA to BP, <israeli, the old fo), a3staining) was greeted with smiles from the a.erage man, guffaws from Punch (one Coke showed a group of gentlemen 3esieging a female &a3inet minister, haw haw haw), and disappro.ing frowns from a sad maCorit" of edu$ated women, who maintained that their influen$e was 3est e)erted from the home' >onetheless, Mar$h PFth, 18AB, is the point from whi$h we $an date the 3eginning of feminine eman$ipation in #ngland+ and #rnestina, who had giggled at the pre.ious week2s Punch when &harles showed it to her, $annot 3e $ompletel" e)onerated' ?ut we started off on the Gi$torian home e.ening' (et us return to it'
(isten' &harles stares, a faint opa$it" in his suita3l" solemn e"es, at #rnestina2s gra.e fa$e' 46hall I $ontinueD5 41ou read most 3eautifull"'5 6he $lears her throat deli$atel", raises the 3ook again' *he hunting a$$ident has Cust taken pla$e the (ord of (a 0ara"e attends to his fallen lad"' 4!e parts the masses of her golden hair, !e lifts her, helpless, with a shuddering $are, !e looks into her fa$e with awestru$k e"es+8 6he dies8the darling of his soul8she diesI5 #rnestina2s e"es fli$k gra.el" at &harles' !is e"es are shut, as if he is pi$turing to himself the tragi$ s$ene' !e nods solemnl"+ he is all ears' #rnestina resumes' 41ou might ha.e heard, through that thought2s fearful sho$k, *he 3eating of his heart like some huge $lo$k+ And then the strong pulse falter and stand still, :hen lifted from that fear with sudden thrill, :hi$h from those 3lan$hed lips low and trem3ling $ame K,hI &laudI2 she said no more83ut ne.er "et *hrough all the lo.ing da"s sin$e first the" met, (eaped his heart2s 3lood with su$h a "earning .ow *hat she was all in all to him, as now'5 6he has read the last line most signifi$antl"' Again she glan$ed up at &harles' !is e"es are still $losed, 3ut he is $learl" too mo.ed e.en to nod' 6he takes a little 3reath, her e"es still on her gra.el" re$lined fian$e, and goes on' 42,hI &laud8the painI2 K,hI 0ertrude, m" 3elo.edI2 *hen faintl" o2er her lips a wan smile mo.ed, :hi$h dum3l" spoke of $omfort from his tone8 1ou2.e gone to sleep, "ou hateful mutton;3oneI5 A silen$e' &harles2s fa$e is like that of a man at a funeral' Another 3reath and fier$e glan$e from the reader' 4AhI happ" the" who in their grief or pain 1earn not for some familiar fa$e in .ain8 &!AR(#6I5
*he poem suddenl" 3e$omes a missile, whi$h strikes &harles a glan$ing 3low on the shoulder and lands on the floor 3ehind the sofa' 41esD5 !e sees #rnestina on her feet, her hands on her hips, in a very unt"pi$al wa"' !e sits up and murmurs, 4,h dear'5 41ou are $aught, sir' 1ou ha.e no e)$use'5 ?ut suffi$ient e)$uses or penan$e &harles must ha.e made, for the .er" ne)t lun$htime he had the $ourage to $omplain when #rnestina proposed for the nineteenth time to dis$uss the furnishings of his stud" in the as "et unfound house' (ea.ing his .er" $omforta3le little esta3lishment in Hensington was not the least of &harles2s impending sa$rifi$es+ and he $ould 3ear onl" Cust so mu$h reminding of it' Aunt *ranter 3a$ked him up, and he was a$$ordingl" granted an afternoon for his 4wret$hed gru33ing5 among the stones' !e knew at on$e where he wished to go' !e had had no thought e)$ept for the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :oman when he found her on that wild $liff meadow+ 3ut he had Cust had enough time to noti$e, at the foot of the little 3luff whose flat top was the meadow, $onsidera3le piles of fallen flint' It was $ertainl" this whi$h made him walk that afternoon to the pla$e' *he new warmth, the intensifi$ation of lo.e 3etween #rnestina and himself had dri.en all thought, or all 3ut the most fleeting, $asual thought, of Mrs' /oultene"2s se$retar" from his $ons$ious mind' :hen he $ame to where he had to s$ram3le up through the 3ram3les she $ertainl" did $ome sharpl" to mind again+ he re$alled .er" .i.idl" how she had lain that da"' ?ut when he $rossed the grass and looked down at her ledge, it was empt"+ and .er" soon he had forgotten her' !e found a wa" down to the foot of the 3luff and 3egan to sear$h among the s$ree for his tests' It was a $older da" than when he had 3een there 3efore' 6un and $louds rapidl" su$$eeded ea$h other in proper April fashion, 3ut the wind was out of the north' At the foot of the south;fa$ing 3luff, therefore, it was agreea3l" warm+ and an additional warmth soon $ame to &harles when he saw an e)$ellent test, seemingl" not long 3roken from its flint matri), l"ing at his feet' 7ort" minutes later, howe.er, he had to resign himself to the fa$t that he was to ha.e no further lu$k, at least among the flints 3elow the 3luff' !e regained the turf a3o.e and walked towards the path that led 3a$k into the woods' And there, a dark mo.ementI 6he was halfwa" up the steep little path, too o$$upied in disengaging her $oat from a re$al$itrant 3ram3le to hear &harles2s turf;silen$ed approa$h' As
soon as he saw her he stopped' *he path was narrow and she had the right of wa"' ?ut then she saw him' *he" stood some fifteen feet apart, 3oth $learl" em3arrassed, though with .er" different e)pressions' &harles was smiling+ and 6arah stared at him with profound suspi$ion' 4Miss :oodruffI5 6he ga.e him an imper$epti3le nod, and seemed to hesitate, as if she would ha.e turned 3a$k if she $ould' ?ut then she reali=ed he was standing to one side for her and made hurriedl" to pass him' *hus it was that she slipped on a trea$herous angle of the muddied path and fell to her knees' !e sprang forward and helped her up+ now she was totall" like a wild animal, una3le to look at him, trem3ling, dum3' Ger" gentl", with his hand on her el3ow, he urged her forward on to the le.el turf a3o.e the sea' 6he wore the same 3la$k $oat, the same indigo dress with the white $ollar' ?ut whether it was 3e$ause she had slipped, or he held her arm, or the $older air, I do not know, 3ut her skin had a .igor, a pink 3loom, that suited admira3l" the wild sh"ness of her demeanor' *he wind had 3lown her hair a little loose+ and she had a faint tou$h of a 3o" $aught stealing apples from an or$hard ''' a guilt, "et a mutinous guilt' 6uddenl" she looked at &harles, a swift sidewa"s and upward glan$e from those almost e)ophthalmi$ dark;3rown e"es with their $lear whites a look 3oth timid and for3idding' It made him drop her arm' 4I dread to think, Miss :oodruff, what would happen if "ou should one da" turn "our ankle in a pla$e like this'5 4It does not matter'5 4?ut it would most $ertainl" matter, m" dear "oung lad"' 7rom "our request to me last week I presume "ou don2t wish Mrs' /oultene" to know "ou $ome here' !ea.en for3id that I should ask for "our reasons' ?ut I must point out that if "ou were in some wa" disa3led I am the onl" person in ("me who $ould lead "our res$uers to "ou' Am I notD5 46he knows' 6he would guess'5 46he knows "ou $ome here8to this .er" pla$eD5 6he stared at the turf, as if she would answer no more questions+ 3egged him to go' ?ut there was something in that fa$e, whi$h &harles e)amined $losel" in profile, that made him determine not to go' All in it had 3een sa$rifi$ed, he now reali=ed, to the e"es' *he" $ould not $on$eal an intelligen$e, an independen$e of spirit+ there was also a silent $ontradi$tion of an" s"mpath"+ a determination to 3e what she was' <eli$ate, fragile, ar$hed e"e3rows were then the fashion, 3ut 6arah2s were strong, or at least unusuall" dark, almost the $olor of her hair, whi$h made them seem strong, and ga.e her a faintl" tom3o"ish air on o$$asion' I do not mean that she had
one of those mas$uline, handsome, hea.";$hinned fa$es popular in the #dwardian Age8the 0i3son 0irl t"pe of 3eaut"' !er fa$e was well modeled, and $ompletel" feminine+ and the suppressed intensit" of her e"es was mat$hed 3" the suppressed sensualit" of her mouth, whi$h was wide8 and on$e again did not $orrespond with $urrent taste, whi$h .eered 3etween prett" little almost lipless mouths and $hildish $upid2s 3ows' &harles, like most men of his time, was still faintl" under the influen$e of (a.ater2s Physiognomy. !e noted that mouth, and was not de$ei.ed 3" the fa$t that it was pressed unnaturall" tight' #$hoes, that one flashed glan$e from those dark e"es had $ertainl" roused in &harles2s mind+ 3ut the" were not #nglish ones' !e asso$iated su$h fa$es with foreign women8to 3e frank (mu$h franker than he would ha.e 3een to himself) with foreign 3eds' *his marked a new stage of his awareness of 6arah' !e had reali=ed she was more intelligent and independent than she seemed+ he now guessed darker qualities' *o most #nglishmen of his age su$h an intuition of 6arah2s real nature would ha.e 3een repellent+ and it did .er" faintl" repel8or at least sho$k8 &harles' !e shared enough of his $ontemporaries2 preCudi$es to suspe$t sensualit" in an" form+ 3ut whereas the" would, 3" one of those terri3le equations that take pla$e at the 3ehest of the superego, ha.e made 6arah .aguel" responsi3le for 3eing 3orn as she was, he did not' 7or that we $an thank his s$ientifi$ ho33ies' <arwinism, as its shrewder opponents reali=ed, let open the floodgates to something far more serious than the undermining of the ?i3li$al a$$ount of the origins of man+ its deepest impli$ations la" in the dire$tion of determinism and 3eha.iorism, that is, towards philosophies that redu$e moralit" to a h"po$ris" and dut" to a straw hut in a hurri$ane' I do not mean that &harles $ompletel" e)onerated 6arah+ 3ut he was far less in$lined to 3lame her than she might ha.e imagined' /artl" then, his s$ientifi$ ho33ies ''' 3ut &harles had also the ad.antage of ha.ing read8.er" mu$h in pri.ate, for the 3ook had 3een prose$uted for o3s$enit"8a no.el that had appeared in 7ran$e some ten "ears 3efore+ a no.el profoundl" deterministi$ in its assumptions, the $ele3rated 2adame 6ovary. And as he looked down at the fa$e 3eside him, it was suddenl", out of nowhere, that #mma ?o.ar"2s name sprang into his mind' 6u$h allusions are $omprehensions+ and temptations' *hat is wh", finall", he did not 3ow and withdraw' At last she spoke' 4I did not know "ou were here'5 4!ow should "ouD5 4I must return'5
And she turned' ?ut he spoke qui$kl"' 4:ill "ou permit me to sa" something firstD 6omething I ha.e perhaps, as a stranger to "ou and "our $ir$umstan$es, no right to sa"'5 6he stood with 3owed head, her 3a$k to him' 4Ma" I pro$eedD5 6he was silent' !e hesitated a moment, then spoke' 4Miss :oodruff, I $annot pretend that "our $ir$umstan$es ha.e not 3een dis$ussed in front of me ''' 3" Mrs' *ranter' I wish onl" to sa" that the" ha.e 3een dis$ussed with s"mpath" and $harit"' 6he 3elie.es "ou are not happ" in "our present situation, whi$h I am gi.en to understand "ou took from for$e of $ir$umstan$e rather than from a more $ongenial reason' I ha.e known Mrs' *ranter onl" a .er" short time' ?ut I $ount it not the least of the pri.ileges of m" forth$oming marriage that it has introdu$ed me to a person of su$h genuine kindness of heart' I will $ome to the point' I am $onfident 84 !e 3roke off as she looked qui$kl" round at the trees 3ehind them' !er sharper ears had heard a sound, a 3ran$h 3roken underfoot' ?ut 3efore he $ould ask her what was wrong, he too heard men2s low .oi$es' ?ut 3" then she had alread" a$ted+ gathering up her skirt she walked swiftl" o.er the grass to the east, some fort" "ards+ and there disappeared 3ehind a thi$ket of gorse that had $rept out a little o.er the turf' &harles stood dum3founded, a mute part" to her guilt' *he men2s .oi$es sounded louder' !e had to a$t+ and strode towards where the side path $ame up through the 3ram3les' It was fortunate that he did, for Cust as the lower path $ame into his sight, so also did two fa$es, looking up+ and 3oth sharpl" surprised' It was plain their intention had 3een to turn up the path on whi$h he stood' &harles opened his mouth to 3id them good da"+ 3ut the fa$es disappeared with astonishing qui$kness' !e heard a hissed .oi$e84Run for Kun, 9emI58 and the sound of ra$ing footsteps' A few moments later there was an urgent low whistle, and the e)$ited whimper of a dog' *hen silen$e' !e waited a minute, until he was $ertain the" had gone, then he walked round to the gorse' 6he stood pressed sidewa"s against the sharp needles, her fa$e turned awa"' 4*he" ha.e gone' *wo poa$hers, I fan$"'5 6he nodded, 3ut $ontinued to a.oid his e"es' *he gorse was in full 3loom, the $admium;"ellow flowers so dense the" almost hid the green' *he air was full of their hone"ed musk' !e said, 4I think that was not ne$essar"'5 4>o gentleman who $ares for his good name $an 3e seen with the s$arlet woman of ("me'5
And that too was a step+ for there was a 3itterness in her .oi$e' !e smiled at her a.erted fa$e' 4I think the onl" trul" s$arlet things a3out "ou are "our $heeks'5 !er e"es flashed round at him then, as if he were torturing some animal at 3a"' *hen she turned awa" again' &harles said gentl", 4<o not misunderstand me' I deplore "our unfortunate situation' As I appre$iate "our deli$a$" in respe$t of m" reputation' ?ut it is indifferent to the esteem of su$h as Mrs' /oultene"'5 6he did not mo.e' !e $ontinued smiling, at ease in all his tra.el, his reading, his knowledge of a larger world' 4M" dear Miss :oodruff, I ha.e seen a good deal of life' And I ha.e a long nose for 3igots ''' whate.er show of solemn piet" the" present to the world' >ow will "ou please lea.e "our hiding pla$eD *here is no impropriet" in our meeting in this $han$e wa"' And "ou must allow me to finish what I was a3out to sa"'5 !e stepped aside and she walked out again onto the $ropped turf' !e saw that her e"elashes were wet' !e did not for$e his presen$e on her, 3ut spoke from some "ards 3ehind her 3a$k' 4Mrs' *ranter would like8is most an)ious to help "ou, if "ou wish to $hange "our situation'5 !er onl" answer was to shake her head' 4>o one is 3e"ond help ''' who inspires s"mpath" in others'5 !e paused' *he sharp wind took a wisp of her hair and 3lew it forward' 6he ner.ousl" smoothed it 3a$k into pla$e' 4I am merel" sa"ing what I know Mrs' *ranter would wish to sa" herself'5 &harles was not e)aggerating+ for during the ga" lun$h that followed the re$on$iliation, Mrs' /oultene" and 6arah had 3een dis$ussed' &harles had 3een 3ut a 3rief .i$tim of the old lad"2s power+ and it was natural that the" should think of her who was a permanent one' &harles determined, now that he had rushed in so far where less metropolitan angels might ha.e feared to tread, to tell 6arah their $on$lusion that da"' 41ou should lea.e ("me ' ' ' this distri$t' I understand "ou ha.e e)$ellent qualifi$ations' I am sure a mu$h happier use $ould 3e found for them elsewhere'5 6arah made no response' 4I know Miss 7reeman and her mother would 3e most happ" to make inquiries in (ondon'5 6he walked awa" from him then, to the edge of the $liff meadow+ and stared out to sea a long moment+ then turned to look at him still standing 3" the gorse a strange, glistening look, so dire$t that he smiled one of those smiles the smiler knows are weak, 3ut $annot end' 6he lowered her e"es' 4I thank "ou' ?ut I $annot lea.e this pla$e'5
!e ga.e the smallest shrug' !e felt 3affled, o3s$urel" wronged' 4*hen on$e again I ha.e to apologi=e for intruding on "our pri.a$"' I shall not do so again'5 !e 3owed and turned to walk awa"' ?ut he had not gone two steps 3efore she spoke' 4I''' I know Mrs' *ranter wishes to 3e kind'5 4*hen permit her to ha.e her wish'5 6he looked at the turf 3etween them' 4*o 3e spoken to again as if ''' as if I am not whom I am ''' I am most grateful' ?ut su$h kindness '''5 46u$h kindnessD5 46u$h kindness is $rueler to me than84 6he did not finish the senten$e, 3ut turned to the sea' &harles felt a great desire to rea$h out and take her shoulders and shake her+ traged" is all .er" well on the stage, 3ut it $an seem mere per.ersit" in ordinar" life' And that, in mu$h less harsh terms, is what he then said' 4:hat "ou $all m" o3stina$" is m" onl" su$$or'5 4Miss :oodruff, let me 3e frank' I ha.e heard it said that "ou are ' ' ' not altogether of sound mind' I think that is .er" far from true' I 3elie.e "ou simpl" to ha.e too se.erel" Cudged "ourself for "our past $ondu$t' >ow wh" in hea.en2s name must "ou alwa"s walk aloneD !a.e "ou not punished "ourself enoughD 1ou are "oung' 1ou are a3le to gain "our li.ing' 1ou ha.e no famil" ties, I 3elie.e, that $onfine "ou to <orset'5 4I ha.e ties'5 4*o this 7ren$h gentlemanD5 6he turned awa", as if that su3Ce$t was 3anned' 4/ermit me to insist8these matters are like wounds' If no one dares speak of them, the" fester' If he does not return, he was not worth" of "ou' If he returns, I $annot 3elie.e that he will 3e so easil" put off, should he not find "ou in ("me Regis, as not to dis$o.er where "ou are and follow "ou there' >ow is that not $ommon senseD5 *here was a long silen$e' !e mo.ed, though still se.eral feet awa", so that he $ould see the side of her fa$e' !er e)pression was strange, almost $alm, as if what he had said had $onfirmed some deep knowledge in her heart' 6he remained looking out to sea, where a russet;sailed and westward; headed 3rig $ould 3e seen in a pat$h of sunlight some fi.e miles out' 6he spoke quietl", as if to the distant ship' 4!e will ne.er return'5 41ou fear he will ne.er returnD5 4I know he will ne.er return'5
4I do not take "our meaning'5 6he turned then and looked at &harles2s pu==led and soli$itous fa$e' 7or a long moment she seemed almost to enCo" his 3ewilderment' *hen she looked awa"' 4I ha.e long sin$e re$ei.ed a letter' *he gentleman is '''5 and again she was silent, as if she wished she had not re.ealed so mu$h' 6uddenl" she was walking, almost running, a$ross the turf towards the path' 4Miss :oodruffI5 6he took a step or two more, then turned+ and again those e"es 3oth repelled and lan$ed him' !er .oi$e had a pent;up harshness, "et as mu$h implosi.e as dire$ted at &harles' 4!e is marriedI5 4Miss :oodruffI5 ?ut she took no noti$e' !e was left standing there' !is ama=ement was natural' :hat was unnatural was his now quite distin$t sense of guilt' It was as if he had shown a $allous la$k of s"mpath", when he was quite sure he had done his 3est' !e stared after her se.eral moments after she had disappeared' *hen he turned and looked at the distant 3rig, as if that might pro.ide an answer to this enigma' ?ut it did not'
17
*he 3oats, the sands, the esplanade, *he laughing $rowd+ (ight;hearted, loud 0reetings from some not ill;endowed *he e.ening sunlit $liffs, the talk, Railings and halts, *he keen sea;salts, *he 3and, the Morgen3lTtter :alt=' 6till, when at night I drew inside 7orward she $ame, 6ad, 3ut the same ' ' ' 8!AR<1, 4At a 6easide *own in 18AJ5
*hat e.ening &harles found himself seated 3etween Mrs' *ranter and #rnestina in the Assem3l" Rooms' *he ("me Assem3l" Rooms were perhaps not mu$h, $ompared to those at ?ath and &heltenham+ 3ut the" were pleasing, with their spa$ious proportions and windows fa$ing the sea' *oo pleasing, alas, and too e)$ellent a $ommon meeting pla$e not to 3e sa$rifi$ed to that 0reat ?ritish 0od, &on.enien$e+ and the" were a$$ordingl" long ago pulled down, 3" a *own &oun$il singleminded in its $on$ern for the $ommunal 3ladder, to make wa" for what $an .er" fairl" $laim to 3e the worst;sited and ugliest pu3li$ la.ator" in the ?ritish Isles' 1ou must not think, howe.er, that the /oultene" $ontingent in ("me o3Ce$ted merel" to the fri.olous ar$hite$ture of the Assem3l" Rooms' It was what went on there that reall" outraged them' *he pla$e pro.oked whist, and gentlemen with $igars in their mouths, and 3alls, and $on$erts' In short, it en$ouraged pleasure+ and Mrs' /oultene" and her kind knew .er" well that the onl" 3uilding a de$ent town $ould allow people to $ongregate in was a $hur$h' :hen the Assem3l" Rooms were torn down in ("me, the heart was torn out of the town+ and no one has "et su$$eeded in putting it 3a$k' &harles and his ladies were in the doomed 3uilding for a $on$ert' It was not, of $ourse8it 3eing (ent8a se$ular $on$ert' *he programme was unrelie.edl" religious' #.en that sho$ked the narrower;minded in ("me, who professed, at least in pu3li$, a respe$t for (ent equal to that of the most orthodo) Muslim for Ramadan' *here were a$$ordingl" some empt" seats 3efore the fern;fringed dais at one end of the main room, where the $on$erts were held' ,ur 3roader;minded three had $ome earl", like most of the rest of the audien$e+ for these $on$erts were reall" enCo"ed8in true eighteenth;$entur" st"le8as mu$h for the $ompan" as for the musi$' It ga.e the ladies an e)$ellent opportunit" to assess and $omment on their neigh3ors2 finer"+ and of $ourse to show off their own' #.en #rnestina, with all her $ontempt for the pro.in$es, fell a .i$tim to this .anit"' At least here she knew she would ha.e few ri.als in the taste and lu)ur" of her $lothes+ and the surreptitious glan$es at her little 4plate5 hat (no stuff" old 3onnets for her) with its shamro$k;and;white ri33ons, her vert esperance dress, her mau.e;and;3la$k pelisse, her ?almoral 3oots, were an agreea3le $ompensation for all the 3oredom infli$ted at other times' 6he was in a pert and mis$hie.ous mood that e.ening as people $ame in+ &harles had to listen to Mrs' *ranter2s $ommentar"8pla$es of residen$e, relati.es, an$estr"8with one ear, and to *ina2s sotto voce wi$kednesses with the other' *he 9ohn;?ull;like lad" o.er there, he learned from the aunt,
was 4Mrs' *omkins, the kindest old soul, somewhat hard of hearing, that house a3o.e #lm !ouse, her son is in India5+ while another .oi$e informed him tersel", 4A perfe$t goose3err"'5 A$$ording to #rnestina, there were far more goose3erries than humans patientl", 3e$ause gossipingl", waiting for the $on$ert to 3egin' #.er" de$ade in.ents su$h a useful noun;and;epithet+ in the 18AFs 4goose3err"5 meant 4all that is drear" and old;fashioned5+ toda" #rnestina would ha.e $alled those worth" $on$ert;goers square ''' whi$h was $ertainl" Mrs' *omkins2s shape, at least from the 3a$k' ?ut at last the distinguished soprano from ?ristol appeared, together with her a$$ompanist, the e.en more distinguished 6igner Ritornello (or some su$h name, for if a man was a pianist he must 3e Italian) and &harles was free to e)amine his $ons$ien$e' At least he 3egan in the spirit of su$h an e)amination+ as if it was his dut" to do so, whi$h hid the awkward fa$t that it was also his pleasure to do so' In simple truth he had 3e$ome a little o3sessed with 6arah ''' or at an" rate with the enigma she presented' !e had8or so he 3elie.ed8full" intended, when he $alled to es$ort the ladies down ?road 6treet to the Assem3l" Rooms, to tell them of his meeting8 though of $ourse on the stri$t understanding that the" must speak to no one a3out 6arah2s wanderings o.er :are &ommons' ?ut somehow the moment had not seemed opportune' *here was first of all a .er" material dispute to ar3itrate upon8#rnestina2s foll" in wearing grenadine when it was still merino weather, sin$e 4*hou shall not wear grenadine till Ma"5 was one of the nine hundred and ninet";nine $ommandments her parents had ta$ked on to the statutor" ten' &harles killed $on$ern with $ompliment+ 3ut if 6arah was not mentioned, it was rather more 3e$ause he had 3egun to feel that he had allowed himself to 3e$ome far too deepl" engaged in $on.ersation with her 8no, he had lost all sense of proportion' !e had 3een .er" foolish, allowing a mispla$ed $hi.alr" to 3lind his $ommon sense+ and the worst of it was that it was all now deu$edl" diffi$ult to e)plain to #rnestina' !e was well aware that that "oung lad" nursed formida3le through still latent powers of Cealous"' At worst, she would find his 3eha.ior in$omprehensi3le and 3e angr" with him+ at 3est, she would onl" tease him 83ut it was a poor 4at 3est'5 !e did not want to 3e teased on this su3Ce$t' &harles $ould perhaps ha.e trusted himself with fewer dou3ts to Mrs' *ran; ter' 6he, he knew, $ertainl" shared his $harita3le $on$ern+ 3ut dupli$it" was totall" foreign to her' !e $ould not ask her not to tell #rnestina+ and if *ina should learn of the meeting through her aunt, then he would 3e in .er" hot water indeed' ,n his other feelings, his mood toward #rnestina that e.ening, he hardl" dared to dwell' !er humor did not e)a$tl" irritate him, 3ut it
seemed unusuall" and unwel$omel" artifi$ial, as if it were something she had put on with her 7ren$h hat and her new pelisse+ to suit them rather than the o$$asion' It also required a response from him ''' a $orresponding twinkle in his e"es, a $onstant smile, whi$h he o3liged her with, 3ut also artifi$iall", so that the" seemed en.eloped in a dou3le pretense' /erhaps it was the gloom of so mu$h !andel and ?a$h, or the frequen$" of the dis$ords 3etween the prima donna and her aide, 3ut he $aught himself stealing glan$es at the girl 3eside him8looking at her as if he saw her for the first time, as if she were a total stranger to him' 6he was .er" prett", $harming ''' 3ut was not that fa$e a little $hara$terless, a little monotonous with its one set parado) of demureness and dr"nessD If "ou took awa" those two qualities, what remainedD A .apid selfishness' ?ut this $ruel thought no sooner entered &harles2s head than he dismissed it' !ow $ould the onl" $hild of ri$h parents 3e an"thing elseD !ea.en knows8wh" else had he fallen for herD8#rnestina was far from $hara$terless in the $onte)t of other ri$h "oung hus3and;seekers in (ondon so$iet"' ?ut was that the onl" $onte)t 8the onl" market for 3ridesD It was a fi)ed arti$le of &harles2s $reed that he was not like the great maCorit" of his peers and $ontemporaries' *hat was wh" he had tra.eled so mu$h+ he found #nglish so$iet" too hide3ound, #nglish solemnit" too solemn, #nglish thought too moralisti$, #nglish religion too 3igoted' 6oD In this .ital matter of the woman with whom he had ele$ted to share his life, had he not 3een onl" too $on.entionalD Instead of doing the most intelligent thing had he not done the most o3.iousD :hat then would ha.e 3een the most intelligent thingD *o ha.e waited' -nder this swarm of waspish self;inquiries he 3egan to feel sorr" for himself8a 3rilliant man trapped, a ?"ron tamed+ and his mind wandered 3a$k to 6arah, to .isual images, attempts to re$olle$t that fa$e, that mouth, that generous mouth' -ndou3tedl" it awoke some memor" in him, too tenuous, perhaps too general, to tra$e to an" sour$e in his past+ 3ut it unsettled him and haunted him, 3" $alling to some hidden self he hardl" knew e)isted' !e said it to himself It is the stupidest thing, 3ut that girl attra$ts me' It seemed $lear to him that it was not 6arah in herself who attra$ted him8how $ould she, he was 3etrothed83ut some emotion, some possi3ilit" she s"m3oli=ed' 6he made him aware of a depri.ation' !is future had alwa"s seemed to him of .ast potential+ and now suddenl" it was a fi)ed .o"age to a known pla$e' 6he had reminded him of that' #rnestina2s el3ow reminded him gentl" of the present' *he singer required applause, and &harles languidl" ga.e his share' /la$ing her own hands 3a$k in their muff, #rnestina deli.ered a sidelong, humorous mouehalf intended for his a3sentmindedness, half for the awfulness of the
performan$e' !e smiled at her' 6he was so "oung, su$h a $hild' !e $ould not 3e angr" with her' After all, she was onl" a woman' *here were so man" things she must ne.er understand the ri$hness of male life, the enormous diffi$ult" of 3eing one to whom the world was rather more than dress and home and $hildren' All would 3e well when she was trul" his+ in his 3ed and in his 3ank ''' and of $ourse in his heart, too' 6am, at that moment, was thinking the .er" opposite+ how man" things his fra$tion of #.e did understand' It is diffi$ult to imagine toda" the enormous differen$es then separating a lad 3orn in the 6e.en <ials and a $arter2s daughter from a remote #ast <e.on .illage' *heir $oming together was fraught with almost as man" o3sta$les as if he had 3een an #skimo and she, a Uulu' *he" had 3arel" a $ommon language, so often did the" not understand what the other had Cust said' 1et this distan$e, all those a3"sses un3ridged and then un3ridgea3le 3" radio, tele.ision, $heap tra.el and the rest, was not wholl" 3ad' /eople knew less of ea$h other, perhaps, 3ut the" felt more free of ea$h other, and so were more indi.idual' *he entire world was not for them onl" a push or a swit$h awa"' 6trangers were strange, and sometimes with an e)$iting, 3eautiful strangeness' It ma" 3e 3etter for humanit" that we should $ommuni$ate more and more' ?ut I am a hereti$, I think our an$estors2 isolation was like the greater spa$e the" enCo"ed it $an onl" 3e en.ied' *he world is onl" too literall" too mu$h with us now' 6am $ould, did gi.e the appearan$e, in some 3a$k taproom, of knowing all there was to know a3out $it" life8and then some' !e was aggressi.el" $ontemptuous of an"thing that did not emanate from the :est #nd of (ondon, that la$ked its go' ?ut deep down inside, it was another stor"' *here he was a timid and un$ertain person8not un$ertain a3out what he wanted to 3e (whi$h was far remo.ed from what he was) 3ut a3out whether he had the a3ilit" to 3e it' >ow Mar" was quite the re.erse at heart' 6he was $ertainl" da==led 3" 6am to 3egin with he was .er" mu$h a superior 3eing, and her teasing of him had 3een pure self;defense 3efore su$h o3.ious $ultural superiorit" that eternal $it" a3ilit" to leap the gap, find short$uts, for$e the pa$e' ?ut she had a 3asi$ solidit" of $hara$ter, a kind of artless self;$onfiden$e, a knowledge that she would one da" make a good wife and a good mother+ and she knew, in people, what was what ''' the differen$e in worth, sa", 3etween her mistress and her mistress2s nie$e' After all, she was a peasant+ and peasants li.e mu$h $loser to real .alues than town helots' 6am first fell for her 3e$ause she was a summer2s da" after the dra3
doll"mops and ga"sM who had $onstituted his past se)ual e)perien$e' 6elf; $onfiden$e in that wa" he did not la$k8few &o$kne"s do' !e had fine 3la$k hair o.er .er" 3lue e"es and a fresh $omple)ion' !e was slim, .er" slightl" 3uilt+ and all his mo.ements were neat and trim, though with a tenden$" to a $ertain grandiose e)aggeration of one or two of &harles2s ph"si$al mannerisms that he thought parti$ularl" gentlemanl"' :omen2s e"es seldom left him at the first glan$e, 3ut from $loser a$quaintan$e with (ondon girls he had ne.er got mu$h 3e"ond a refle$tion of his own $"ni$ism' :hat had reall" kno$ked him a$o$k was Mar"2s inno$en$e' !e found himself like some 3o" who flashes a mirror8and one da" does it to someone far too gentle to deser.e su$h treatment' !e suddenl" wished to 3e what he was with her+ and to dis$o.er what she was'
NM A 4doll"mop5 was a maidser.ant who went in for spare;time prostitution' A 4ga",5 a prostitute8it is the signifi$an$e in (ee$h2s famous $artoon of 18EB, in whi$h two sad;fa$ed women stand in the rain 4not a hundred miles from the !a"market'5 ,ne turns to the other 4AhI 7ann"I !ow long ha.e "ou 3een gay:5O
*his sudden deeper awareness of ea$h other had $ome that morning of the .isit to Mrs' /oultene"' *he" had 3egun 3" dis$ussing their respe$ti.e posts+ the merits and defe$ts of Mr' &harles and Mrs' *ranter' 6he thought he was lu$k" to ser.e su$h a lo.el" gentleman' 6am demurred+ and then, to his own ama=ement, found himself telling this mere milkmaid something he had pre.iousl" told onl" to himself' !is am3ition was .er" simple he wanted to 3e a ha3erdasher' !e had ne.er 3een a3le to pass su$h shops without stopping and staring in the windows+ $riti$i=ing or admiring them, as the $ase might require' !e 3elie.ed he had a flair for knowing the latest fashion' !e had tra.eled a3road with &harles, he had pi$ked up some foreign ideas in the ha3er; dasher" field ' ' ' All this (and in$identall", his profound admiration for Mr' 7reeman) he had got out somewhat in$oherentl"8and the great o3sta$les no mone", no edu$ation' Mar" had modestl" listened+ di.ined this other 6am and di.ined that she was honored to 3e gi.en so qui$k a sight of it' 6am felt he was talking too mu$h' ?ut ea$h time he looked ner.ousl" up for a sneer, a giggle, the least sign of mo$ker" of his a3surd pretensions, he saw onl" a sh" and wide;e"ed s"mpath", a 3egging him to go on' !is listener felt needed, and a girl who feels needed is alread" a quarter wa" in lo.e' *he time $ame when he had to go' It seemed to him that he had hardl" arri.ed' !e stood, and she smiled at him, a little mis$hie.ous again' !e wanted to sa" that he had ne.er talked so freel"8well, so seriousl"8to an"one 3efore a3out himself' ?ut he $ouldn2t find the words'
4:ell' <essa" we2ll meet tomorrow mornin2'5 4!appen so'5 4<essa" "ou2.e got a suitor an2 all'5 4>one I reall" likes'5 4I 3et "ou Ka.e' I Keard "ou Ka.e'5 42*is all talk in this ol2 pla$e' -s i==en Klowed to look at a man an2 we2m $ourtin2'5 !e fingered his 3owler hat' 4(ike that he.er"where'5 A silen$e' !e looked her in the e"es' 4I ain2t so 3adD5 4I ne.er said Kee wu='5 6ilen$e' !e worked all the wa" round the rim of his 3owler' 4I know lots o2 girls' A! sorts' >one like "ou'5 4*aren2t so awful hard to find'5 4I ne.er Ka.e' ?efore'5 *here was another silen$e' 6he would not look at him, 3ut at the edge of her apron' 42,w a3out (ondon thenD 7an$" seein2 (ondonD5 6he grinned then, and nodded8.er" .ehementl"' 4#)pe$2 "ou will' :hen the"2re a;married orf hupstairs' I2ll show "er round'5 4:ould KeeD5 !e winked then, and she $lapped her hand o.er her mouth' !er e"es 3rimmed at him o.er her pink $heeks' 4All the" fashional (unnon girls, Kee woulden want to go walkin2 out with me'5 4If "ou Kad the $lothes, "ou2d do' 1ou2d do .er" ni$e'5 4<oan 3elie.e Kee'5 4&ross m" Keart'5 *heir e"es met and held for a long moment' !e 3owed ela3oratel" and swept his hat to $o.er his left 3reast' 4A demang, mad"mosseile'5 4:hat2s that thenD5 4It2s 7ren$h for &oom3e 6treet, tomorrow mornin28 where "ours trul" will 3e waitin2'5 6he turned then, una3le to look at him' !e stepped qui$kl" 3ehind her and took her hand and raised it to his lips' 6he snat$hed it awa", and looked at it as if his lips might ha.e left a soot" mark' Another look flashed 3etween them' 6he 3it her prett" lips' !e winked again+ and then he went' :hether the" met that ne)t morning, in spite of &harles2s e)press prohi3ition, I do not know' ?ut later that da", when &harles $ame out of Mrs' *ranter2s house, he saw 6am waiting, 3" patentl" $ontri.ed $han$e, on
the opposite side of the street' &harles made the Roman sign of mer$", and 6am un$o.ered, and on$e again pla$ed his hat re.erentiall" o.er his heart8 as if to a passing 3ier, e)$ept that his fa$e 3ore a wide grin' :hi$h 3rings me to this e.ening of the $on$ert nearl" a week later, and wh" 6am $ame to su$h differing $on$lusions a3out the female se) from his master2s+ for he was in that kit$hen again' -nfortunatel" there was now a duenna present8Mrs' *ranter2s $ook' ?ut the duenna was fast asleep in her :indsor $hair in front of the opened fire of her range' 6am and Mar" sat in the darkest $orner of the kit$hen' *he" did not speak' *he" did not need to' 6in$e the" were holding hands' ,n Mar"2s part it was 3ut self;prote$tion, sin$e she had found that it was onl" thus that she $ould stop the hand tr"ing to feel its wa" round her waist' :h" 6am, in spite of that, and the silen$e, should ha.e found Mar" so understanding is a m"ster" no lo.er will need e)plaining'
18
:ho $an wonder that the laws of so$iet" should at times 3e forgotten 3" those whom the e"e of so$iet" ha3ituall" o.erlooks, and whom the heart of so$iet" often appears to dis$ardD 8<R' 9,!> 6IM,>, City 2edical 9eport (184J) I went, and knelt, and s$ooped m" hand As if to drink, into the 3rook, And a faint figure seemed to stand A3o.e me, with the 3"gone look'
8!AR<1, 4,n a Midsummer #.e5 *wo da"s passed during whi$h &harles2s hammers la" idle in his ru$ksa$k' !e 3anned from his mind thoughts of the tests l"ing waiting to 3e dis$o.ered and thoughts, now asso$iated with them, of women l"ing asleep on sunlit ledges' ?ut then, #rnestina ha.ing a migraine, he found himself une)pe$tedl" with another free afternoon' !e hesitated a while+ 3ut the e.ents that passed 3efore his e"es as he stood at the 3a" window of his room
were so few, so dull' *he inn sign8a white lion with the fa$e of an unfed /ekinese and a distin$t resem3lan$e, alread" remarked on 3" &harles, to Mrs' /oultene"8stared gluml" up at him' *here was little wind, little sunlight ''' a high gra" $anop" of $loud, too high to threaten rain' !e had intended to write letters, 3ut he found himself not in the mood' *o tell the truth he was not reall" in the mood for an"thing+ strangel" there had $ome ragingl" upon him the old tra.el;lust that he had 3elie.ed himself to ha.e grown out of those last "ears' !e wished he might 3e in &adi=, >aples, the Morea, in some 3la=ing Mediterranean spring not onl" for the Mediterranean spring itself, 3ut to 3e free, to ha.e endless weeks of tra.el ahead of him, sailed;towards islands, mountains, the 3lue shadows of the unknown' !alf an hour later he was passing the <air" and entering the woods of :are &ommons' !e $ould ha.e walked in some other dire$tionD 1es, indeed he $ould' ?ut he had sternl" for3idden himself to go an"where near the $liff; meadow+ if he met Miss :oodruff, he would do, politel" 3ut firml", what he ought to ha.e done at that last meeting8that is, refuse to enter into $on.ersation with her' In an" $ase, it was e.ident that she resorted alwa"s to the same pla$e' !e felt sure that he would not meet her if he kept well $lear of it' A$$ordingl", long 3efore he $ame there he turned northward, up the general slope of the land and through a .ast gro.e of i."$lad ash trees' *he" were enormous, these trees, among the largest of the spe$ies in #ngland, with e)oti$;looking $olonies of pol"pod" in their massi.e forks' It had 3een their si=e that had de$ided the en$roa$hing gentleman to found his ar3oretum in the -nder$liff+ and &harles felt dwarfed, pleasantl" dwarfed as he made his wa" among them towards the almost .erti$al $halk fa$es he $ould see higher up the slope' !e 3egan to feel in a 3etter humor, espe$iall" when the first 3eds of flint 3egan to erupt from the dog2s mer$ur" and arum that $arpeted the ground' Almost at on$e he pi$ked up a test of Echinocorys scutata. It was 3adl" worn awa" ''' a mere tra$e remained of one of the fi.e sets of $on.erging pinpri$ked lines that de$orate the perfe$t shell' ?ut it was 3etter than nothing and thus en$ouraged, &harles 3egan his 3ending, stopping sear$h' 0raduall" he worked his wa" up to the foot of the 3luffs where the fallen flints were thi$kest, and the tests less likel" to 3e $orroded and a3raded' !e kept at this le.el, mo.ing westward' In pla$es the i." was dense8growing up the $liff fa$e and the 3ran$hes of the nearest trees indis$riminatel", hanging in great ragged $urtains o.er &harles2s head' In one pla$e he had to push his wa" through a kind of tunnel of su$h foliage+ at the far end there
was a $learing, where there had 3een a re$ent fall of flints' 6u$h a pla$e was most likel" to "ield tests+ and &harles set himself to quarter the area, 3ounded on all sides 3" dense 3ram3le thi$kets, methodi$all"' !e had 3een at this task perhaps ten minutes, with no sound 3ut the lowing of a $alf from some distant field a3o.e and inland+ the $lapped wings and $ooings of the wood pigeons+ and the 3arel" per$epti3le wash of the tranquil sea far through the trees 3elow' !e heard then a sound as of a falling stone' !e looked, and saw nothing, and presumed that a flint had indeed dropped from the $halk fa$e a3o.e' !e sear$hed on for another minute or two+ and then, 3" one of those ine)pli$a3le intuitions, perhaps the last remnant of some fa$ult" from our paleolithi$ past, knew he was not alone' !e glan$ed sharpl" round' 6he stood a3o.e him, where the tunnel of i." ended, some fort" "ards awa"' !e did not know how long she had 3een there+ 3ut he remem3ered that sound of two minutes 3efore' 7or a moment he was almost frightened+ it seemed un$ann" that she should appear so silentl"' 6he was not wearing nailed 3oots, 3ut she must e.en so ha.e mo.ed with great $aution' *o surprise him+ therefore she had deli3eratel" followed him' 4Miss :oodruffI5 !e raised his hat' 4!ow $ome "ou hereD5 4I saw "ou pass'5 !e mo.ed a little $loser up the s$ree towards her' Again her 3onnet was in her hand' !er hair, he noti$ed, was loose, as if she had 3een in wind+ 3ut there had 3een no wind' It ga.e her a kind of wildness, whi$h the fi)it" of her stare at him aggra.ated' !e wondered wh" he had e.er thought she was not indeed slightl" $ra=ed' 41ou ha.e something ''' to $ommuni$ate to meD5 Again that fi)ed stare, 3ut not through him, .er" mu$h down at him' 6arah had one of those pe$uliar female fa$es that .ar" .er" mu$h in their attra$ti.eness+ in a$$ordan$e with some su3tle $hemistr" of angle, light, mood' 6he was dramati$all" helped at this moment 3" an o3lique shaft of wan sunlight that had found its wa" through a small rift in the $louds, as not infrequentl" happens in a late #nglish afternoon' It lit her fa$e, her figure standing 3efore the entom3ing greener" 3ehind her+ and her fa$e was suddenl" .er" 3eautiful, trul" 3eautiful, e)quisitel" gra.e and "et full of an inner, as well as outer, light' &harles re$alled that it was Cust so that a peasant near 0a.arnie, in the /"renees, had $laimed to ha.e seen the Girgin Mar" standing on a de oulis 3eside his road ' ' ' onl" a few weeks 3efore &harles on$e passed that wa"' !e was taken to the pla$e+ it had 3een most insignifi$ant' ?ut if su$h a figure as this had stood 3efore himI !owe.er, this figure e.identl" had a more 3anal mission' 6he del.ed into the po$kets of her $oat and presented to him, one in ea$h hand, two
e)$ellent 2icraster tests' !e $lim3ed $lose enough to distinguish them for what the" were' *hen he looked up in surprise at her unsmiling fa$e' !e remem3ered8 he had talked 3riefl" of paleontolog", of the importan$e of sea ur$hins, at Mrs' /oultene"2s that morning' >ow he stared again at the two small o3Ce$ts in her hands' 4:ill "ou not take themD5 6he wore no glo.es, and their fingers tou$hed' !e e)amined the two tests+ 3ut he thought onl" of the tou$h of those $old fingers' 4I am most grateful' *he" are in e)$ellent $ondition'5 4*he" are what "ou seekD5 41es indeed'5 4*he" were on$e marine shellsD5 !e hesitated, then pointed to the features of the 3etter of the two tests the mouth, the am3ula$ra, the anus' As he talked, and was listened to with a gra.e interest, his disappro.al e.aporated' *he girl2s appearan$e was strange+ 3ut her mind8as two or three questions she asked showed8was .er" far from deranged' 7inall" he put the two tests $arefull" in his own po$ket' 4It is most kind of "ou to ha.e looked for them'5 4I had nothing 3etter to do'5 4I was a3out to return' Ma" I help "ou 3a$k to the pathD5 ?ut she did not mo.e' 4I wished also, Mr' 6mithson, to thank "ou ''' for "our offer of assistan$e'5 46in$e "ou refused it, "ou lea.e me the more grateful'5 *here was a little pause' !e mo.ed up past her and parted the wall of i." with his sti$k, for her to pass 3a$k' ?ut she stood still, and still fa$ing down the $learing' 4I should not ha.e followed "ou'5 !e wished he $ould see her fa$e, 3ut he $ould not' 4I think it is 3etter if I lea.e'5 6he said nothing, and he turned towards the i."' ?ut he $ould not resist a last look 3a$k at her' 6he was staring 3a$k o.er her shoulder at him, as if 3od" disappro.ed of fa$e and turned its 3a$k on su$h shamelessness+ 3e$ause her look, though it still suggested some of the old uni.ersal reproa$h, now held an intensit" that was far more of appeal' !er e"es were anguished ''' and anguishing+ an outrage in them, a weakness a3omina3l" raped' *he" did not a$$use &harles of the outrage, 3ut of not seeing that it had taken pla$e' A long moment of lo$ked e"es+ and then she spoke to the ground 3etween them, her $heeks red' 4I ha.e no one to turn to'5
4I hoped I had made it $lear that Mrs' *ranter84 4!as the kindest heart' ?ut I do not need kindness'5 *here was a silen$e' !e still stood parting the i."' 4I am told the .i$ar is an e)$ellentl" sensi3le man'5 4It was he who introdu$ed me to Mrs' /oultene"'5 &harles stood 3" the i.", as if at a door' !e a.oided her e"es+ sought, sought for an e)it line' 4If I $an speak on "our 3ehalf to Mrs' *ranter, I shall 3e most happ" ''' 3ut it would 3e most improper of me to '''5 4Interest "ourself further in m" $ir$umstan$es'5 4*hat is what I meant to $on.e", "es'5 !er rea$tion was to look awa"+ he had reprimanded her' Ger" slowl" he let the downhanging strands of i." fall 3a$k into position' 41ou ha.en2t re$onsidered m" suggestion8that "ou should lea.e this pla$eD5 4If I went to (ondon, I know what I should 3e$ome'5 !e stiffened inwardl"' 4I should 3e$ome what so man" women who ha.e lost their honor 3e$ome in great $ities'5 >ow she turned full" towards him' !er $olor deepened' 4I should 3e$ome what some alread" $all me in ("me'5 It was outrageous, most unseeml"' !e murmured, 4M" dear Miss :oodruff ' ' '5 !is own $heeks were now red as well' 4I am weak' !ow should I not know itD5 6he added 3itterl", 4I ha.e sinned'5 *his new re.elation, to a stranger, in su$h $ir$umstan$es8 it 3anished the good the attention to his little le$ture on fossil sea ur$hins had done her in his e"es' ?ut "et he felt the two tests in his po$kets+ some kind of hold she had on him+ and a &harles in hiding from himself felt o3s$urel" flattered, as a $lerg"man does whose ad.i$e is sought on a spiritual pro3lem' !e stared down at the iron ferrule of his ashplant' 4Is this the fear that keeps "ou at ("meD5 4In part'5 4*hat fa$t "ou told me the other da" as "ou left' Is an"one else apprised of itD5 4If the" knew, the" would not ha.e missed the opportunit" of telling me'5 *here was a longer silen$e' Moments like modulations $ome in human relationships when what has 3een until then an o3Ce$ti.e situation, one perhaps des$ri3ed 3" the mind to itself in semiliterar" terms, one it is suffi$ient merel" to $lassif" under some general heading (man with al$oholi$ pro3lems, woman with unfortunate past, and so on) 3e$omes su3Ce$ti.e+ 3e$omes unique+ 3e$omes, 3" empath", instantaneousl" shared
rather than o3ser.ed' 6u$h a metamorphosis took pla$e in &harles2s mind as he stared at the 3owed head of the sinner 3efore him' (ike most of us when su$h moments $ome8who has not 3een em3ra$ed 3" a drunkD8he sought for a hast" though diplomati$ restoration of the status <uo. 4I am most sorr" for "ou' ?ut I must $onfess I don2t understand wh" "ou should seek to ''' as it were ''' make me "our $onfidant'5 6he 3egan then8as if the question had 3een e)pe$ted8to speak rapidl"+ almost repeating a spee$h, a litan" learned 3" heart' 4?e$ause "ou ha.e tra.eled' ?e$ause "ou are edu$ated' ?e$ause "ou are a gentleman' ?e$ause ''' 3e$ause, I do not know, I li.e among people the world tells me are kind, pious, &hristian people' And the" seem to me $rueler than the $ruelest heathens, stupider than the stupidest animals' I $an; not 3elie.e that the truth is so' *hat life is without understanding or $ompassion' *hat there are not spirits generous enough to understand what I ha.e suffered and wh" I suffer ' ' ' and that, whate.er sins I ha.e $ommitted, it is not right that I should suffer so mu$h'5 *here was silen$e' -nprepared for this arti$ulate a$$ount of her feelings, this proof, alread" suspe$ted 3ut not fa$ed, of an intelligen$e 3e"ond $on.ention, &harles said nothing' 6he turned awa" and went on in a quieter .oi$e' 4M" onl" happiness is when I sleep' :hen I wake, the nightmare 3egins' I feel $ast on a desert island, imprisoned, $ondemned, and I know not what $rime it is for'5 &harles looked at her 3a$k in disma", like a man a3out to 3e engulfed 3" a landslide+ as if he would run, 3ut $ould not+ would speak, 3ut $ould not' !er e"es were suddenl" on his' 4:h" am I 3orn what I amD :h" am I not 3orn Miss 7reemanD5 ?ut the name no sooner passed her lips than she turned awa", $ons$ious that she had presumed too mu$h' 4*hat question were 3etter not asked'5 4I did not mean to '''5 4#n." is forgi.a3le in "our84 4>ot en."' In$omprehension'5 4It is 3e"ond m" powers8the powers of far wiser men than m"self8to help "ou here'5 4I do not8I will not 3elie.e that'5 &harles had known women8frequentl" #rnestina herself8 $ontradi$t him pla"full"' ?ut that was in a pla"ful $onte)t' A woman did not $ontradi$t a man2s opinion when he was 3eing serious unless it were in $arefull" measured terms' 6arah seemed almost to assume some sort of equalit" of intelle$t with him+ and in pre$isel" the $ir$umstan$es where she should ha.e 3een most deferential if she wished to en$ompass her end' !e felt insulted, he felt ''' he $ould not sa"' *he logi$al $on$lusion of his feelings should
ha.e 3een that he raised his hat with a $old finalit" and walked awa" in his stout nailed 3oots' ?ut he stood where he was, as if he had taken root' /erhaps he had too fi)ed an idea of what a siren looked like and the $ir$umstan$es in whi$h she appeared8long tresses, a $haste ala3aster nudit", a mermaid2s tail, mat$hed 3" an ,d"sseus with a fa$e a$$epta3le in the 3est $lu3s' *here were no <ori$ temples in the -nder$liff+ 3ut here was a &al"pso' 6he murmured, 4>ow I ha.e offended "ou'5 41ou 3ewilder me, Miss :oodruff' I do not know what "ou $an e)pe$t of me that I ha.en2t alread" offered to tr" to effe$t for "ou' ?ut "ou must surel" reali=e that an" greater intima$" ' ' ' howe.er inno$ent in its intent ' ' ' 3etween us is quite impossi3le in m" present $ir$umstan$es'5 *here was a silen$e+ a woodpe$ker laughed in some green re$ess, mo$king those two stati$ 3ipeds far 3elow' 4:ould I ha.e ''' thrown m"self on "our mer$" in this wa" if I were not desperateD5 4I don2t dou3t "our despair' ?ut at least $on$ede the impossi3ilit" of "our demand'5 !e added, 4:hose e)a$t nature I am still ignorant of'5 4I should like to tell "ou of what happened eighteen months ago'5 A silen$e' 6he looked to see his rea$tion' Again &harles stiffened' *he in.isi3le $hains dropped, and his $on.entional side triumphed' !e drew himself up, a monument to suspi$ious sho$k, rigidl" disappro.ing+ "et in his e"es a something that sear$hed hers ''' an e)planation, a moti.e ''' he thought she was a3out to sa" more, and was on the point of turning through the i." with no more word' ?ut as if she di.ined his intention, she did, with a forestalling a3ruptness, the most une)pe$ted thing' 6he sank to her knees' &harles was horrified+ he imagined what an"one who was se$retl" wat$hing might think' !e took a step 3a$k, as if to keep out of .iew' 6trangel", she seemed $alm' It was not the kneeling of a h"steri$' ,nl" the e"es were more intense e"es without sun, 3athed in an eternal moonlight' 4Miss :oodruffI5 4I 3eg "ou' I am not "et mad' ?ut unless I am helped I shall 3e'5 4&ontrol "ourself' If we were seen '''5 41ou are m" last resour$e' 1ou are not $ruel, I know "ou are not $ruel'5 !e stared at her, glan$ed desperatel" round, then mo.ed forward and made her stand, and led her, a stiff hand under her el3ow, under the foliage of the i."' 6he stood 3efore him with her fa$e in her hands+ and &harles had, with the atro$ious swiftness of the human heart when it atta$ks the human 3rain, to struggle not to tou$h her' 4I don2t wish to seem indifferent to "our trou3les' ?ut "ou must see I
ha.e ''' I ha.e no $hoi$e'5 6he spoke in a rapid, low .oi$e' 4All I ask is that "ou meet me on$e more' I will $ome here ea$h afternoon' >o one will see us'5 !e tried to e)postulate, 3ut she was not to 3e stopped' 41ou are kind, "ou understand what is 3e"ond the understanding of an" in ("me' (et me finish' *wo da"s ago I was nearl" o.er$ome 3" madness' I felt I had to see "ou, to speak to "ou' I know where "ou sta"' I would ha.e $ome there to ask for "ou, had not ''' had not some last remnant of sanit" mer$ifull" stopped me at the door'5 4?ut this is unforgi.a3le' -nless I mistake, "ou now threaten me with a s$andal'5 6he shook her head .ehementl"' 4I would rather die than "ou should think that of me' It is that ''' I do not know how to sa" it, I seem dri.en 3" despair to $ontemplate these dreadful things' *he" fill me with horror at m"self' I do not know where to turn, what to do, I ha.e no one who $an ' ' ' please ''' $an "ou not understandD5 &harles2s one thought now was to es$ape from the appalling predi$ament he had 3een landed in+ from those remorselessl" sin$ere, those naked e"es' 4I must go' I am e)pe$ted in ?road 6treet'5 4?ut "ou will $ome againD5 4I $annot84 4I walk here ea$h Monda", :ednesda", 7rida"' :hen I ha.e no other duties'5 4:hat "ou are suggesting is8I must insist that Mrs' *ranter '''5 4I $ould not tell the truth 3efore Mrs' *ranter'5 4*hen it $an hardl" 3e fit for a total stranger8and not of "our se)8to hear'5 4A total stranger ' ' ' and one not of one2s se) ''' is often the least preCudi$ed Cudge'5 4Most $ertainl" I should hope to pla$e a $harita3le $onstru$tion upon "our $ondu$t' ?ut I must repeat that I find m"self ama=ed that "ou should '''5 ?ut she was still looking up at him then+ and his words tailed off into silen$e' &harles, as "ou will ha.e noti$ed, had more than one .o$a3ular"' :ith 6am in the morning, with #rnestina a$ross a ga" lun$h, and here in the role of Alarmed /ropriet" ''' he was almost three different men+ and there will 3e others of him 3efore we are finished' :e ma" e)plain it 3iologi$all" 3" <arwin2s phrase cryptic coloration- sur.i.al 3" learning to 3lend with one2s surroundings8with the unquestioned assumptions of one2s age or so$ial $aste' ,r we $an e)plain this flight to formalit" so$iologi$all"' :hen
one was skating o.er so mu$h thin i$e8u3iquitous e$onomi$ oppression, terror of se)ualit", the flood of me$hanisti$ s$ien$e8the a3ilit" to $lose one2s e"es to one2s own a3surd stiffness was essential' Ger" few Gi$torians $hose to question the .irtues of su$h $r"pti$ $oloration+ 3ut there was that in 6arah2s look whi$h did' *hough dire$t, it was a timid look' 1et 3ehind it la" a .er" modern phrase &ome $lean, &harles, $ome $lean' It took the re$ipient off 3alan$e' #rnestina and her like 3eha.ed alwa"s as if ha3ited in glass infinitel" fragile, e.en when the" threw 3ooks of poetr"' *he" en$ouraged the mask, the safe distan$e+ and this girl, 3ehind her fa$ade of humilit" for3ade it' !e looked down in his turn' 4I ask 3ut one hour of "our time'5 !e saw a se$ond reason 3ehind the gift of the tests+ the" would not ha.e 3een found in one hour' 4If I should, al3eit with the greatest relu$tan$e84 6he di.ined, and interrupted in a low .oi$e' 41ou would do me su$h ser.i$e that I should follow whate.er ad.i$e "ou wished to gi.e'5 4It must $ertainl" 3e that we do not $ontinue to risk84 Again she entered the little pause he left as he sear$hed for the right formalit"' 4*hat8I understand' And that "ou ha.e far more pressing ties'5 *he sun2s ra"s had disappeared after their one 3rief illumination' *he da" drew to a $hill" $lose' It was as if the road he walked, seemingl" a$ross a plain, 3e$ame suddenl" a 3rink o.er an a3"ss' !e knew it as he stared at her 3owed head' !e $ould not sa" what had lured him on, what had gone wrong in his reading of the map, 3ut 3oth lost and lured he felt' 1et now $ommitted to one more foll"' 6he said, 4I $annot find the words to thank "ou' I shall 3e here on the da"s I said'5 *hen, as if the $learing was her drawing room, 4I must not detain "ou longer'5 &harles 3owed, hesitated, one last poised look, then turned' A few se$onds later he was 3reaking through the further $urtain of i." and stum3ling on his downhill wa", a good deal more like a startled roe3u$k than a worldl" #nglish gentleman' !e $ame to the main path through the -nder$liff and strode out 3a$k towards ("me' An earl" owl $alled+ 3ut to &harles it seemed an afternoon singularl" without wisdom' !e should ha.e taken a firmer line, should ha.e left earlier, should ha.e handed 3a$k the tests, should ha.e suggested8 no, $ommanded8other solutions to her despair' !e felt outwitted, in$lined almost to stop and wait for her' ?ut his feet strode on all the faster' !e knew he was a3out to engage in the for3idden, or rather the for3idden was a3out to engage in him' *he farther he mo.ed from her, in
time and distan$e, the more $learl" he saw the foll" of his 3eha.ior' It was as if, when she was 3efore him, he had 3e$ome 3lind had not seen her for what she was, a woman most patentl" dangerous8not $ons$iousl" so, 3ut pre" to intense emotional frustration and no dou3t so$ial resentment' 1et this time he did not e.en de3ate whether he should tell #rnestina+ he knew he would not' !e felt as ashamed as if he had, without warning her, stepped off the &o33 and set sail for &hina'
19
As man" more indi.iduals of ea$h spe$ies are 3orn than $an possi3l" sur.i.e+ and as, $onsequentl", there is a frequentl" re$urring struggle for e)isten$e, it follows that an" 3eing, if it .ar" howe.er slightl" in an" manner profita3le to itself, under the $omple) and sometimes .ar"ing $onditions of life, will ha.e a 3etter $han$e of sur.i.ing, and thus 3e naturally selected. 8<AR:I>, The )rigin of *pecies (18EJ)
*he &hina;3ound .i$tim had in realit" that e.ening to pla" host at a surprise planned 3" #rnestina and himself for Aunt *ranter' *he two ladies were to $ome and dine in his sitting room at the :hite (ion' A dish of su$$ulent first lo3sters was prepared, a fresh;run salmon 3oiled, the $ellars of the inn ransa$ked+ and that do$tor we met 3riefl" one da" at Mrs' /oultene"2s was pressed into esta3lishing the $orre$t 3alan$e of the se)es' ,ne of the great $hara$ters of ("me, he was generall" supposed to 3e as e)$ellent a $at$h in the ri.er Marriage as the salmon he sat down to that night had 3een in the ri.er A)e' #rnestina teased her aunt unmer$ifull" a3out him, a$$using that quintessentiall" mild woman of heartless $ruelt" to a poor lonel" man pining for her hand' ?ut sin$e this tragi$ figure had su$$essfull" put up with his poor loneliness for si)t" "ears or more, one ma" dou3t the pining as mu$h as the heartless $ruelt"' <r' 0rogan was, in fa$t, as $onfirmed an old 3a$helor as Aunt *ranter a spinster' ?eing Irish, he had to the full that strangel" eunu$histi$ !i3ernian a3ilit" to flit and flirt and flatter womankind without e.er allowing his heart
to 3e$ome entangled' A dr" little kestrel of a man, sharp, almost fier$e on o$$asion, "et eas" to un3end when the $ompan" was to his taste, he added a pleasant astringen$" to ("me so$iet"+ for when he was with "ou "ou felt he was alwa"s ho.ering a little, waiting to poun$e on an" foolishness8and "et, if he liked "ou, it was alwa"s with a toni$ wit and the humanit" of a man who had li.ed and learned, after his fashion, to let li.e' *here was, too, something faintl" dark a3out him, for he had 3een 3orn a &atholi$+ he was, in terms of our own time, not unlike someone who had 3een a &ommunist in the 1JPFs8a$$epted now, 3ut still with the de.il2s singe on him' It was $ertain8would Mrs' /oultene" ha.e e.er allowed him into her presen$e otherwiseD8that he was now (like <israeli) a respe$ta3le mem3er of the &hur$h of #ngland' It must 3e so, for (unlike <israeli) he went s$rupulousl" to matins e.er" 6unda"' *hat a man might 3e so indifferent to religion that he would ha.e gone to a mosque or a s"nagogue, had that 3een the $hief pla$e of worship, was a de$eit 3e"ond the ("mers2 imagination' ?esides he was a .er" good do$tor, with a sound knowledge of that most important 3ran$h of medi$ine, his patients2 temperament' :ith those that se$retl" wanted to 3e 3ullied, he 3ullied+ and as skillfull" $hi..ied, $osseted, $losed a 3lind e"e, as the $ase required' >o3od" in ("me liked good food and wine 3etter+ and the repast that &harles and the :hite (ion offered meeting his appro.al, he ta$itl" took o.er the role of host from the "ounger man' !e had studied at !eidel3erg, and pra$ti$ed in (ondon, and knew the world and its a3surdities as onl" an intelligent Irishman $an+ whi$h is to sa" that where his knowledge or memor" failed him, his imagination was alwa"s read" to fill the gap' >o one 3elie.ed all his stories+ or wanted an" the less to hear them' Aunt *ranter pro3a3l" knew them as well as an"one in ("me, for the do$tor and she were old friends, and she must ha.e known how little $onsistent ea$h telling was with the pre.ious+ "et she laughed most8and at times so immoderatel" that I dread to think what might ha.e happened had the pillar of the $ommunit" up the hill $han$ed to hear' It was an e.ening that &harles would normall" ha.e enCo"ed+ not least perhaps 3e$ause the do$tor permitted himself little freedoms of language and fa$t in some of his tales, espe$iall" when the plump salmon la" in anatomi=ed ruins and the gentlemen pro$eeded to a de$anter of port, that were not quite comme il faut in the so$iet" #rnestina had 3een trained to gra$e' &harles saw she was faintl" sho$ked on$e or twi$e+ that Aunt *ranter was not+ and he felt nostalgia for this more open $ulture of their respe$ti.e "ouths his two older guests were still happ" to slip 3a$k into' :at$hing the little do$tor2s mis$hie.ous e"es and Aunt *ranter2s Colliness he had a whiff
of $orollar" nausea for his own time its stifling propriet", its worship not onl" of the literal ma$hine in transport and manufa$turing 3ut of the far more terri3le ma$hine now ere$ting in so$ial $on.ention' *his admira3le o3Ce$ti.it" ma" seem to 3ear remarka3l" little relation to his own 3eha.ior earlier that da"' &harles did not put it so $rudel" to himself+ 3ut he was not quite 3lind to his in$onsisten$", either' !e told himself, now swinging to another ta$k, that he had taken Miss :oodruff altogether too seriousl"8in his stum3le, so to speak, instead of in his stride' !e was espe$iall" soli$itous to #rnestina, no longer souffrante- 3ut a little la$king in her usual .i.a$it", though whether that was as a result of the migraine or the do$tor2s $on.ersational Irish reel, it was hard to sa"' And "et on$e again it 3ore in upon him, as at the $on$ert, that there was something shallow in her8that her a$uteness was largel" $onstituted, intelle$tuall" as alpha3eti$all", 3" a mere $uteness' :as there not, 3eneath the demure knowingness, something of the automaton a3out her, of one of those ingenious girl;ma$hines from !offmann2s *alesD ?ut then he thought she is a $hild among three adults8 and pressed her hand gentl" 3eneath the mahogan" ta3le' 6he was $harming when she 3lushed' *he two gentlemen, the tall &harles with his .ague resem3lan$e to the late /rin$e &onsort and the thin little do$tor, finall" es$orted the ladies 3a$k to their house' It was half past ten, the hour when the so$ial life of (ondon was Cust 3eginning+ 3ut here the town was well into its usual long sleep' *he" found themsel.es, as the door $losed in their smiling fa$es, the onl" two o$$upants of ?road 6treet' *he do$tor put a finger on his nose' 4>ow for "ou, sir, I pres$ri3e a $opious todd" dispensed 3" m" own learned hand'5 &harles put on a polite look of demurral' 4<o$tor2s orders, "ou know' $ulce est desipere- as the poet sa"s' It is sweet to sip in the proper pla$e'5 &harles smiled' 4If "ou promise the grog to 3e 3etter than the (atin, then with the greatest pleasure'5 *hus ten minutes later &harles found himself $omforta3l" ens$on$ed in what <r' 0rogan $alled his 4$a3in,5 a 3ow;fronted se$ond;floor stud" that looked out o.er the small 3a" 3etween the &o33 0ate and the &o33 itself+ a room, the Irishman alleged, made espe$iall" $harming in summer 3" the .iew it afforded of the nereids who $ame to take the waters' :hat ni$er8in 3oth senses of the word8situation $ould a do$tor 3e in than to ha.e to order for his feminine patients what was so pleasant also for his e"eD An elegant little 3rass 0regorian teles$ope rested on a ta3le in the 3ow window'
0rogan2s tongue fli$kered wi$kedl" out, and he winked' 47or astronomi$al purposes onl", of $ourse'5 &harles $raned out of the window, and smelled the salt air, and saw on the 3ea$h some wa" to his right the square 3la$k silhouettes of the 3athing; ma$hines from whi$h the nereids emerged' ?ut the onl" musi$ from the deep that night was the murmur of the tide on the shingle+ and somewhere mu$h farther out, the diml" rau$ous $ries of the gulls roosting on the $alm water' ?ehind him in the lamp;lit room he heard the small $hinks that a$$ompanied 0rogan2s dispensing of his 4medi$ine'5 !e felt himself in suspension 3etween the two worlds, the warm, neat $i.ili=ation 3ehind his 3a$k, the $ool, dark m"ster" outside' :e all write poems+ it is simpl" that poets are the ones who write in words' *he grog was e)$ellent, the ?urmah $heroot that a$$ompanied it a pleasant surprise+ and these two men still li.ed in a world where strangers of intelligen$e shared a $ommon lands$ape of knowledge, a $ommunit" of information, with a known set of rules and atta$hed meanings' :hat do$tor toda" knows the $lassi$sD :hat amateur $an talk $omprehensi3l" to s$ientistsD *hese two men2s was a world without the t"rann" of spe$iali=ation+ and I would not ha.e "ou8nor would <r' 0rogan, as "ou will see8$onfuse progress with happiness' 7or a while the" said nothing, sinking 3a$k gratefull" into that mas$uline, more serious world the ladies and the o$$asion had o3liged them to lea.e' &harles had found himself $urious to know what politi$al .iews the do$tor held+ and 3" wa" of getting to the su3Ce$t asked whom the two 3usts that sat whitel" among his host2s 3ooks might 3e of' *he do$tor smiled' 34uis<ue suos patimur manes.( :hi$h is Girgil, and means something like 4:e make our destinies 3" our $hoi$e of gods'5 &harles smiled 3a$k' 4I re$ogni=e ?entham, do I notD5 41ou do' And the other lump of /arian is Goltaire'5 4*herefore I dedu$e that we su3s$ri3e to the same part"'5 *he do$tor qui==ed him' 4!as an Irishman a $hoi$eD5 &harles a$knowledged with a gesture that he had not+ then offered his own reason for 3eing a (i3eral' 4It seems to me that Mr' 0ladstone at least re$ogni=es a radi$al rottenness in the ethi$al foundations of our times'5 4?" hea.ens, I2m not sitting with a so$ialist, am ID5 &harles laughed' 4>ot as "et'5 4Mind "ou, in this age of steam and $ant, I $ould forgi.e a man an"thing 8e)$ept Gital Religion'5 4Ah "es indeed'5 4I was a ?enthamite as a "oung man' Goltaire dro.e me out of Rome,
the other man out of the *or" $amp' ?ut this new taradiddle now8the e)tension of fran$hise' *hat2s not for me' I don2t gi.e a fig for 3irth' A duke, hea.en knows a king, $an 3e as stupid as the ne)t man' ?ut I thank Mother >ature I shall not 3e ali.e in fift" "ears2 time' :hen a go.ernment 3egins to fear the mo3, it is as mu$h as to sa" it fears itself'5 !is e"es twinkled' 4!a.e "ou heard what m" fellow $ountr"man said to the &hartist who went to <u3lin to prea$h his $reedD K?rothers,2 the &hartist $ried, Kis not one man as good as anotherD2 K7aith, Mr' 6peaker, "ou2re right,2 $ries 3a$k /add", Kand a di.ilish 3it 3etter tooI25 &harles smiled, 3ut the do$tor raised a sharp finger' 41ou smile, 6mithson' ?ut hark "ou8/add" was right' *hat was no 3ull' *hat Kdi.ilish 3it 3etter2 will 3e the ruin of this $ountr"' 1ou mark m" words'5 4?ut are "our two household gods quite free of 3lameD :ho was it prea$hed the happiness of the greatest num3erD5 4I do not dispute the ma)im' ?ut the wa" we go a3out it' :e got 3" .er" well without the Iron &i.ili=er5 (3" whi$h he meant the railwa") 4when I was a "oung man' 1ou do not 3ring the happiness of the man" 3" making them run 3efore the" $an walk'5 &harles murmured a polite agreement' !e had tou$hed e)a$tl" that same sore spot with his un$le, a man of a .er" different politi$al $omple)ion' Man" who fought for the first Reform ?ills of the 18PFs fought against those of three de$ades later' *he" felt an opportunism, a twofa$edness had $an$ered the $entur", and gi.en 3irth to a mena$ing spirit of en." and re3ellion' /erhaps the do$tor, 3orn in 18F1, was reall" a fragment of Augustan humanit"+ his sense of progress depended too $losel" on an ordered so$iet"8order 3eing whate.er allowed him to 3e e)a$tl" as he alwa"s had 3een, whi$h made him reall" mu$h $loser to the $r"pto;(i3eral ?urke than the $r"pto;7as$ist ?entham' ?ut his generation were not altogether wrong in their suspi$ions of the >ew ?ritain and its statesmen that rose in the long e$onomi$ 3oom after 18EF' Man" "ounger men, o3s$ure ones like &harles, $ele3rated ones like Matthew Arnold, agreed with them' :as not the supposedl" $on.erted <israeli later heard, on his death3ed, to mutter the pra"ers for the dead in !e3rewD And was not 0ladstone, under the $loak of no3le orator", the greatest master of the am3iguous statement, the 3ra.e de$laration qualified into $owardi$e, in modern politi$al histor"D :here the highest are inde$iphera3le, the worst ''' 3ut $learl" the time had $ome to $hange the su3Ce$t' &harles asked the do$tor if he was interested in paleontolog"' 4>o, sir' I had 3etter own up' I did not wish to spoil that delightful dinner' ?ut I am emphati$all" a neo;ontologist'5 !e smiled at &harles from
the depths of his 3o)wing $hair' 4:hen we know more of the li.ing, that will 3e the time to pursue the dead'5 &harles a$$epted the re3uke+ and sei=ed his opportunit"' 4I was introdu$ed the other da" to a spe$imen of the lo$al flora that in$lines me partl" to agree with "ou'5 !e paused $unningl"' 4A .er" strange $ase' >o dou3t "ou know more of it than I do'5 *hen sensing that his o3lique approa$h might suggest something more than a $asual interest, he added qui$kl", 4I think her name is :oodruff' 6he is emplo"ed 3" Mrs' /oultene"'5 *he do$tor looked down at the handled sil.er $ontainer in whi$h he held his glass' 4Ah "es' /oor *raged"'25 4I am 3eing indis$reetD 6he is perhaps a patient'5 4:ell, I attend Mrs' /oultene"' And I would not allow a 3ad word to 3e said a3out her.( &harles glan$ed $autiousl" at him+ 3ut there was no mistaking a $ertain fero$it" of light in the do$tor2s e"es, 3ehind his square;rimmed spe$ta$les' *he "ounger man looked down with a small smile' <r' 0rogan rea$hed out and poked his fire' 4:e know more a3out the fossils out there on the 3ea$h than we do a3out what takes pla$e in that girl2s mind' *here is a $le.er 0erman do$tor who has re$entl" di.ided melan$holia into se.eral t"pes' ,ne he $alls natural' ?" whi$h he means, one is 3orn with a sad temperament' Another he $alls o$$asional, 3" whi$h he means, springing from an o$$asion' *his, "ou understand, we all suffer from at times' *he third $lass he $alls o3s$ure melan$holia' ?" whi$h he reall" means, poor man, that he doesn2t know what the de.il it is that $auses it'5 4?ut she had an o$$asion, did she notD5 4,h now $ome, is she the first "oung woman who has 3een CiltedD I $ould tell "ou of a do=en others here in ("me'5 4In su$h 3rutal $ir$umstan$eD5 4:orse, some of them' And toda" the"2re as merr" as $ri$kets'5 46o "ou $lass Miss :oodruff in the o3s$ure $ategor"D5 *he do$tor was silent a few moments' 4I was $alled in8all this, "ou understand, in stri$test $onfiden$e8I was $alled in to see her ''' a tenmonth ago' >ow I $ould see what was wrong at on$e8weeping without reason, not talking, a look a3out the e"es' Melan$holia as plain as measles' I knew her stor", I know the *al3ots, she was go.erness there when it happened' And I think, well the $ause is plain8si) weeks, si) days at Marl3orough !ouse is enough to dri.e an" normal 3eing into ?edlam' ?etween oursel.es, 6mithson, I2m an old heathen' I should like to see that pala$e of piet" 3urned
to the ground and its owner with it' I2ll 3e damned if I wouldn2t dan$e a Cig on the ashes'5 4I think I might well Coin "ou'5 4And 3egad we wouldn2t 3e the onl" ones'5 *he do$tor took a fier$e gulp of his todd"' 4*he whole town would 3e out' ?ut that2s neither here nor the other pla$e' I did what I $ould for the girl' ?ut I saw there was onl" one $ure'5 40et her awa"'5 *he do$tor nodded .ehementl"' 4A fortnight later, 0rogan2s $oming into his house one afternoon and this $olleen2s walking towards the &o33' I ha.e her in, I talk to her, I2m as gentle to her as if she2s m" fa.orite nie$e' And it2s like Cumping a Car.e" o.er a ten;foot wall' >ot;on, m" goodness, 6mithson, didn2t she show me not;onI And it wasn2t Cust the talking I tried with her' I ha.e a $olleague in #)eter, a darling man and a happ" wife and four little 3rats like angels, and he was Cust then looking out for a go.erness' I told her so'5 4And she wouldn2t lea.eI5 4>ot an in$h' It2s this, "ou see' Mrs' *al3ot2s a do.e, she would ha.e had the girl 3a$k at the first' ?ut no, she goes to a house she must know is a li.ing miser", to a mistress who ne.er knew the differen$e 3etween ser.ant and sla.e, to a post like a pillow of fur=e' And there she is, she won2t 3e mo.ed' 1ou won2t 3elie.e this, 6mithson' ?ut "ou $ould offer that girl the throne of #ngland8and a thousand pounds to a penn" she2d shake her head'5 4?ut''' I find this in$omprehensi3le' :hat "ou tell me she refused is pre$isel" what we had $onsidered' #rnestina2s mother84 4:ill 3e wasting her time, m" dear fellow, with all respe$t to the lad"'5 !e smiled griml" at &harles, then stopped to top up their glasses from the grog;kettle on the ho3' 4?ut the good <o$tor !artmann des$ri3es somewhat similar $ases' !e sa"s of one, now, a .er" striking thing' A $ase of a widow, if I re$all, a "oung widow, :eimar, hus3and a $a.alr" offi$er, died in some a$$ident on field e)er$ises' 1ou see there are parallels' *his woman went into deep mourning' Ger" well' *o 3e e)pe$ted' ?ut it went on and on, 6mithson, "ear after "ear' >othing in the house was allowed to 3e $hanged' *he dead man2s $lothes still hung in his wardro3e, his pipe la" 3eside his fa.orite $hair, e.en some letters that $ame addressed to him after his death ''' there '''5 the do$tor pointed into the shadows 3ehind &harles ''' 4there on the same sil.er dish, unopened, "ellowing, "ear after "ear'5 !e paused and smiled at &harles' 41our ammonites will ne.er hold su$h m"steries as that' ?ut this is what !artmann sa"s'5
!e stood o.er &harles, and dire$ted the words into him with pointed finger' 31t was as if the woman had ecome addicted to melancholia as one ecomes addicted to opium. >ow do "ou see how it isD !er sadness 3e$omes her happiness' 6he wants to 3e a sa$rifi$ial .i$tim, 6mithson' :here "ou and I flin$h 3a$k, she leaps forward' 6he is possessed, "ou see'5 !e sat down again' 4<ark indeed' Ger" dark'5 *here was a silen$e 3etween the two men' &harles threw the stu3 of his $heroot into the fire' 7or a moment it flamed' !e found he had not the $ourage to look the do$tor in the e"es when he asked his ne)t question' 4And she has $onfided the real state of her mind to no oneD5 4!er $losest friend is $ertainl" Mrs' *al3ot' ?ut she tells me the girl keeps mum e.en with her' I flatter m"self ' ' ' 3ut I most $ertainl" failed'5 4And if ''' let us sa" she $ould 3ring herself to re.eal the feelings she is hiding to some s"mpatheti$ other person84 46he would 3e $ured' ?ut she does not want to 3e $ured' It is as simple as if she refused to take medi$ine'5 4?ut presuma3l" in su$h a $ase "ou would'''5 4!ow do "ou for$e the soul, "oung manD &an "ou tell me thatD5 &harles shrugged his impoten$e' 4,f $ourse not' And I will tell "ou something' It is 3etter so' -nderstanding ne.er grew from .iolation'5 46he is then a hopeless $aseD5 4In the sense "ou intend, "es' Medi$ine $an do nothing' 1ou must not think she is like us men, a3le to reason $learl", e)amine her moti.es, understand wh" she 3eha.es as she does' ,ne must see her as a 3eing in a mist' All we $an do is wait and hope that the mists rise' *hen perhaps '''5 he fell silent' *hen added, without hope, 4/erhaps'5 At that .er" same moment, 6arah2s 3edroom lies in the 3la$k silen$e shrouding Marl3orough !ouse' 6he is asleep, turned to the right, her dark hair falling a$ross her fa$e and almost hiding it' Again "ou noti$e how pea$eful, how untragi$, the features are a health" "oung woman of twent"; si) or ;se.en, with a slender, rounded arm thrown out, o.er the 3ed$lothes, for the night is still and the windows $losed ''' thrown out, as I sa", and resting o.er another 3od"' >ot a man' A girl of nineteen or so, also asleep, her 3a$k to 6arah, "et .er" $lose to her, sin$e the 3ed, though large, is not meant for two people' A thought has swept into "our mind+ 3ut "ou forget we are in the "ear 18AB' 6uppose Mrs' /oultene" stood suddenl" in the door, lamp in hand, and $ame upon those two affe$tionate 3odies l"ing so $lose, so together, there' 1ou imagine perhaps that she would ha.e swollen, an infuriated 3la$k swan,
and 3urst into an outraged anathema+ "ou see the two girls, dressed onl" in their piteous shifts, $ast from the granite gates' :ell, "ou would 3e quite wrong' 6in$e we know Mrs' /oultene" dosed herself with laudanum e.er" night, it was .er" unlikel" that the $ase should ha.e 3een put to the test' ?ut if she had after all stood there, it is almost $ertain that she would simpl" ha.e turned and gone awa"8more, she might e.en ha.e $losed the door quietl" enough not to wake the sleepers' In$omprehensi3leD ?ut some .i$es were then so unnatural that the" did not e)ist' I dou3t if Mrs' /oultene" had e.er heard of the word 4les3ian5+ and if she had, it would ha.e $ommen$ed with a $apital, and referred to an island in 0ree$e' ?esides, it was to her a fa$t as ro$k;fundamental as that the world was round or that the ?ishop of #)eter was <r' /hillpotts that women did not feel $arnal pleasure' 6he knew, of $ourse, that the lower sort of female apparentl" enCo"ed a $ertain kind of male $aress, su$h as that monstrous kiss she had on$e seen planted on Mar"2s $heeks, 3ut this she took to 3e the result of feminine .anit" and feminine weakness' /rostitutes, as (ad" &otton2s most $ele3rated good work $ould 3ut remind her, e)isted+ 3ut the" were e)pli$a3le as $reatures so depra.ed that the" o.er$ame their innate woman2s disgust at the $arnal in their lust for mone"' *hat indeed had 3een her first assumption a3out Mar"+ the girl, sin$e she giggled after she was so grossl" a3used 3" the sta3le3o", was most patentl" a prostitute in the making' ?ut what of 6arah2s moti.esD As regards les3ianism, she was as ignorant as her mistress+ 3ut she did not share Mrs' /oultene"2s horror of the $arnal' 6he knew, or at least suspe$ted, that there was a ph"si$al pleasure in lo.e' 1et she was, I think, as inno$ent as makes no matter' It had 3egun, this sleeping with Millie, soon after the poor girl had 3roken down in front of Mrs' /oultene"' <r' 0rogan re$ommended that she 3e mo.ed out of the maids2 dormitor" and gi.en a room with more light' It so happened that there was a long unused dressing room ne)t to 6arah2s 3edroom+ and Millie was installed in it' 6arah took upon herself mu$h of the spe$ial $are of the $hloroti$ girl needed' 6he was a plowman2s daughter, fourth of ele.en $hildren who li.ed with their parents in a po.ert" too 3itter to des$ri3e, her home a damp, $ramped, two;room $ottage in one of those .alle"s that radiates west from 3leak #ggardon' A fashiona3le "oung (ondon ar$hite$t now has the pla$e and $omes there for weekends, and lo.es it, so wild, so out;of;the;wa", so pi$turesquel" rural+ and perhaps this e)or$i=es the Gi$torian horrors that took pla$e there' I hope so+ those .isions of the $ontented $ountr" la3orer and his 3rood made so fashiona3le 3" 0eorge Morland and his kind (?irket 7oster was the ar$h $riminal 3" 18AB) were as
stupid and perni$ious a sentimentali=ation, therefore a suppression of realit", as that in our own !oll"wood films of 4real5 life' ,ne look at Millie and her ten misera3le si3lings should ha.e s$or$hed the m"th of the !app" 6wain into ashes+ 3ut so few ga.e that look' #a$h age, ea$h guilt" age, 3uilds high walls round its Gersailles+ and personall" I hate those walls most when the" are made 3" literature and art' ,ne night, then, 6arah heard the girl weeping' 6he went into her room and $omforted her, whi$h was not too diffi$ult, for Millie was a $hild in all 3ut her "ears+ una3le to read or write and as little a3le to Cudge the other humans around her as a dog+ if "ou patted her, she understood8if "ou ki$ked her, then that was life' It was a 3itterl" $old night, and 6arah had simpl" slipped into the 3ed and taken the girl in her arms, and kissed her, and quite literall" patted her' *o her Millie was like one of the si$kl" lam3s she had on$e, 3efore her father2s so$ial am3itions dro.e su$h peasant pro$edures from their wa" of life, so often 3rought up 3" hand' And hea.en knows the simile was true also for the plowman2s daughter' 7rom then on, the lam3 would $ome two or three times a week and look desolate' 6he slept 3adl", worse than 6arah, who sometimes went solitar" to sleep, onl" to wake in the dawn to find the girl 3eside her8so meekl"; gentl" did Millie, at some intolera3le midnight hour, slip into her pla$e' 6he was afraid of the dark, poor girl+ and had it not 3een for 6arah, would ha.e asked to go 3a$k to the dormitor" upstairs' *his tender relationship was almost mute' *he" rarel" if e.er talked, and if the" did, of onl" the most tri.ial domesti$ things' *he" knew it was that warm, silent $o;presen$e in the darkness that mattered' *here must ha.e 3een something se)ual in their feelingsD /erhaps+ 3ut the" ne.er went 3e"ond the 3ounds that two sisters would' >o dou3t here and there in another milieu, in the most 3rutish of the ur3an poor, in the most eman$ipated of the aristo$ra$", a trul" orgasti$ les3ianism e)isted then+ 3ut we ma" as$ri3e this .er" $ommon Gi$torian phenomenon of women sleeping together far more to the desolating arrogan$e of $ontemporar" man than to a more suspe$t moti.e' ?esides, in su$h wells of loneliness is not an" $oming together $loser to humanit" than per.ersit"D 6o let them sleep, these two inno$ents+ and let us return to that other more rational, more learned and altogether more no3l" gendered pair down 3" the sea' *he two lords of $reation had passed 3a$k from the su3Ce$t of Miss :oodruff and rather two;edged metaphors $on$erning mist to the less am3iguous field of paleontolog"' 41ou must admit,5 said &harles, 4that ("ell2s findings are fraught with a
mu$h more than intrinsi$ importan$e' I fear the $lerg" ha.e a tremendous 3attle on their hands'5 ("ell, let me interpose, was the father of modern geolog"' Alread" ?uffon, in the famous Epo<ues de la 7ature of 1BB8, had e)ploded the m"th, in.ented 3" Ar$h3ishop -ssher in the se.enteenth $entur" and re$orded solemnl" in $ountless editions of the offi$ial #nglish ?i3le, that the world had 3een $reated at nine o2$lo$k on ,$to3er LAth, 4FF4 ?'&' ?ut e.en the great 7ren$h naturalist had not dared to push the origin of the world 3a$k further than some BE,FFF "ears' ("ell2s Principles of %eology- pu3lished 3etween 18PF and 18PP8and so $oin$iding .er" ni$el" with reform elsewhere8 had 3urled it 3a$k millions' !is is a largel" unremem3ered, 3ut an essential name+ he ga.e the age, and $ountless s$ientists in other fields, the most meaningful spa$e' !is dis$o.eries 3lew like a great wind, free=ing to the timid, 3ut in.igorating to the 3old, through the $entur"2s stale meta; ph"si$al $orridors' ?ut "ou must remem3er that at the time of whi$h I write few had e.en heard of ("ell2s masterwork, fewer 3elie.ed its theories, and fewer still a$$epted all their impli$ations' 0enesis is a great lie+ 3ut it is also a great poem+ and a si);thousand;"ear;old wom3 is mu$h warmer than one that stret$hes for two thousand million' &harles was therefore interested83oth his future father;in;law and his un$le had taught him to step .er" deli$atel" in this dire$tion8to see whether <r' 0rogan would $onfirm or dismiss his soli$itude for the theologians' ?ut the do$tor was unforth$oming' !e stared into his fire and murmured, 4*he" ha.e indeed'5 *here was a little silen$e, whi$h &harles 3roke $asuall", as if reall" to keep the $on.ersation going' 4!a.e "ou read this fellow <arwinD5 0rogan2s onl" repl" was a sharp look o.er his spe$ta$les' *hen he got to his feet and taking the $amphine lamp, went to a 3ookshelf at the 3a$k of the narrow room' In a moment he returned and handed a 3ook to &harles' It was The )rigin of *pecies. !e looked up at the do$tor2s se.ere e"es' 4I did not mean to impl"84 4!a.e "ou read itD5 41es'5 4*hen "ou should know 3etter than to talk of a great man as Kthis fellow'25 47rom what "ou said84 4*his 3ook is a3out the li.ing, 6mithson' >ot the dead'5 *he do$tor rather $rossl" turned to repla$e the lamp on its ta3le' &harles stood'
41ou are quite right' I apologi=e'5 *he little do$tor e"ed him sidewa"s' 40osse was here a few "ears ago with one of his parties of winkle; pi$king as; leus. !a.e "ou read his )mphalos:( &harles smiled' 4I found it $entral to nothing 3ut the sheerest a3surdit"'5 And now 0rogan, ha.ing put him through 3oth a positi.e and a negati.e test, smiled 3leakl" in return' 4I told him as mu$h at the end of his le$ture here' !aI <idn2t I Cust'5 And the do$tor permitted his Irish nostrils two little snorts of triumphant air' 4I fan$" that2s one 3ag of fundamentalist wind that will think twi$e 3efore 3lowing on this part of the <orset littoral again'5M
NM )mphalos& an attempt to untie the geological 5not is now forgotten+ whi$h is a pit", as it is one of the most $urious8and unintentionall" $omi$83ooks of the whole era' *he author was a 7ellow of the Ro"al 6o$iet" and the leading marine 3iologist of his da"+ "et his fear of ("ell and his followers dro.e him in 18EB to ad.an$e a theor" in whi$h the anomalies 3etween s$ien$e and the ?i3li$al a$$ount of &reation are all neatl" remo.ed at one fine 3low 0osse2s ingenious argument 3eing that on the da" 0od $reated Adam he also $reated all fossil and e)tin$t forms of life along with him8whi$h must surel" rank as the most in$omprehensi3le $o.er;up operation e.er attri3uted to di.init" 3" man' #.en the date of )mphalos8Cust two "ears 3efore The )rigin8$ould not ha.e 3een more unfortunate' 0osse was, of $ourse, immortali=ed half a $entur" later in his son #dmund2s famous and e)quisite memoir'O
!e e"ed &harles more kindl"' 4A <arwinianD5 4/assionatel"'5 0rogan then sei=ed his hand and gripped it+ as if he were &rusoe, and &harles, Man 7rida"+ and perhaps something passed 3etween them not so .er" unlike what passed un$ons$iousl" 3etween those two sleeping girls half a mile awa"' *he" knew the" were like two grains of "east in a sea of lethargi$ dough8two grains of salt in a .ast tureen of insipid 3roth' ,ur two car onari of the mind8has not the 3o" in man alwa"s adored pla"ing at se$ret so$ietiesD8now entered on a new round of grog+ new $heroots were lit+ and a length" $ele3ration of <arwin followed' *he" ought, one ma" think, to ha.e 3een hum3led 3" the great new truths the" were dis$ussing+ 3ut I am afraid the mood in 3oth of them8and in &harles espe$iall", when he finall" walked home in the small hours of the morning 8was one of e)alted superiorit", intelle$tual distan$e a3o.e the rest of their fellow $reatures' -nlit ("me was the ordinar" mass of mankind, most e.identl" sunk in immemorial sleep+ while &harles the naturall" sele$ted (the ad.er3 $arries 3oth its senses) was pure intelle$t, walking awake, free as a god, one with
the unslum3ering stars and understanding all' All e)$ept 6arah, that is'
20
Are 0od and >ature then at strife, *hat >ature lends su$h e.il dreamsD 6o $areful of the t"pe she seems, 6o $areless of the single life ' ' '
8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)

7inall", she 3roke the silen$e and spelled it out to <r' ?urkle"' Hneeling, the ph"si$ian indi$ated her ghastl" skirt with a trem3ling hand' 4Another dressD5 he suggested diffidentl"' 4>o,5 she whispered fier$el"' 4(et them see what the"2.e done'5 8:I((IAM MA>&!#6*#R, The $eath of a President
6he stood o3liquel" in the shadows at the tunnel of i."2s other end' 6he did not look round+ she had seen him $lim3ing up through the ash trees' *he da" was 3rilliant, steeped in a=ure, with a warm southwesterl" 3ree=e' It had 3rought out swarms of spring 3utterflies, those 3rimstones, orange;tips and green;.eined whites we ha.e latel" found in$ompati3le with high agri$ultural profit and so poisoned almost to e)tin$tion+ the" had dan$ed with &harles all along his wa" past the <air" and through the woods+ and now one, a 3rilliant fle$k of sulphur, floated in the luminous $learing 3ehind 6arah2s dark figure' &harles paused 3efore going into the dark;green shade 3eneath the i."+ and looked round nefariousl" to 3e sure that no one saw him' ?ut the great ashes rea$hed their still 3are 3ran$hes o.er deserted woodland' 6he did not turn until he was $lose, and e.en then she would not look at him+ instead, she felt in her $oat po$ket and silentl", with down$ast e"es, handed him "et another test, as if it were some e)piator" offering' &harles took it, 3ut her em3arrassment was $ontagious' 41ou must allow me to pa" for these tests what I should pa" at Miss
Arming2s shop'5 !er head rose then, and at last their e"es met' !e saw that she was offended+ again he had that una$$ounta3le sensation of 3eing lan$ed, of falling short, of failing her' ?ut this time it 3rought him to his senses, that is, to the attitude he had de$ided to adopt+ for this meeting took pla$e two da"s after the e.ents of the last $hapters' <r' 0rogan2s little remark a3out the $omparati.e priorit" to 3e a$$orded the dead and the li.ing had germinated, and &harles now saw a s$ientifi$ as well as a humanitarian reason in his ad.enture' !e had 3een frank enough to admit to himself that it $ontained, 3esides the impropriet", an element of pleasure+ 3ut now he dete$ted a $lear element of dut"' !e himself 3elonged undou3tedl" to the fittest+ 3ut the human fittest had no less $ertain responsi3ilit" towards the less fit' !e had e.en re$ontemplated re.ealing what had passed 3etween himself and Miss :oodruff to #rnestina+ 3ut alas, he foresaw onl" too .i.idl" that she might put foolish female questions, questions he $ould not truthfull" answer without mo.ing into dangerous waters' !e .er" soon de$ided that #rnestina had neither the se) nor the e)perien$e to understand the altruism of his moti.es+ and thus .er" $on.enientl" sidestepped that other less attra$ti.e aspe$t of dut"' 6o he parried 6arah2s a$$using look' 4I am ri$h 3" $han$e, "ou are poor 3" $han$e' I think we are not to stand on su$h $eremon"'5 *his indeed was his plan to 3e s"mpatheti$ to 6arah, 3ut to esta3lish a distan$e, to remind her of their differen$e of station ' ' ' though lightl", of $ourse, with an unpretentious iron"' 4*he" are all I ha.e to gi.e'5 4*here is no reason wh" "ou should gi.e me an"thing'5 41ou ha.e $ome'5 !e found her meekness almost as dis$on$erting as her pride' 4I ha.e $ome 3e$ause I ha.e satisfied m"self that "ou do indeed need help' And although I still don2t understand wh" "ou should ha.e honored me 3" interesting me in "our '''5 he faltered here, for he was a3out to sa" 4$ase,5 whi$h would ha.e 3etra"ed that he was pla"ing the do$tor as well as the gentleman 4'''1our predi$ament, I ha.e $ome prepared to listen to what "ou wished me ''' did "ou notD ''' to hear'5 6he looked up at him again then' !e felt flattered' 6he gestured timidl" towards the sunlight' 4I know a se$luded pla$e near3"' Ma" we go thereD5 !e indi$ated willingness, and she mo.ed out into the sun and a$ross the ston" $learing where &harles had 3een sear$hing when she first $ame upon him' 6he walked lightl" and surel", her skirt gathered up a few in$hes 3"
one hand, while the other held the ri33ons of her 3la$k 3onnet' 7ollowing her, far less nim3l", &harles noted the darns in the heels of her 3la$k sto$kings, the worndown 3a$ks of her shoes+ and also the red sheen in her dark hair' !e guessed it was 3eautiful hair when full" loose+ ri$h and lu)uriant+ and though it was drawn tightl" 3a$k inside the $ollar of her $oat, he wondered whether it was not a .anit" that made her so often $arr" her 3onnet in her hand' 6he led the wa" into "et another green tunnel+ 3ut at the far end of that the" $ame on a green slope where long ago the .erti$al fa$e of the 3luff had $ollapsed' *usso$ks of grass pro.ided foothold+ and she pi$ked her wa" $arefull", in =ig=ag fashion, to the top' (a3oring 3ehind her, he glimpsed the white;ri33oned 3ottoms of her pantalettes, whi$h $ame down to Cust a3o.e her ankles+ a lad" would ha.e mounted 3ehind, not ahead of him' 6arah waited a3o.e for &harles to $at$h up' !e walked after her then along the top of the 3luff' *he ground sloped sharpl" up to "et another 3luff some hundred "ards a3o.e them+ for these were the huge su3sident 4steps5 that $ould 3e glimpsed from the &o33 two miles awa"' *heir tra.erse 3rought them to a steeper shoulder' It seemed to &harles dangerousl" angled+ a slip, and within a few feet one would ha.e slithered helplessl" o.er the edge of the 3luff 3elow' ?" himself he might ha.e hesitated' ?ut 6arah passed quietl" on and o.er, as if unaware of the danger' ,n the far side of this shoulder the land flattened for a few "ards, and there was her 4se$luded pla$e'5 It was a little south;fa$ing dell, surrounded 3" dense thi$kets of 3ram3les and dogwood+ a kind of minute green amphitheater' A stunted thorn grew towards the 3a$k of its arena, if one $an use that term of a spa$e not fifteen feet a$ross, and someone8plainl" not 6arah8had on$e hea.ed a great flat;topped 3lo$k of flint against the tree2s stem, making a rusti$ throne that $ommanded a magnifi$ent .iew of the treetops 3elow and the sea 3e"ond them' &harles, panting slightl" in his flannel suit and more than slightl" perspiring, looked round him' *he 3anks of the dell were $arpeted with primroses and .iolets, and the white stars of wild straw3err"' /oised in the sk", $radled to the afternoon sun, it was $harming, in all wa"s prote$ted' 4I must $ongratulate "ou' 1ou ha.e a genius for finding e"ries'5 47or finding solitude'5 6he offered the flint seat 3eneath the little thorn tree' 4I am sure that is "our $hair'5 ?ut she turned and sat qui$kl" and gra$efull" sidewa"s on a hummo$k se.eral feet in front of the tree, so that she fa$ed the sea+ and so, as &harles found when he took the 3etter seat, that her fa$e was half hidden from him8
and "et again, 3" some ingenuous $oquetr", so that he must take note of her hair' 6he sat .er" upright, "et with head 3owed, o$$upied in an implausi3le adCustment to her 3onnet' &harles wat$hed her, with a smile in his mind, if not on his lips' !e $ould see that she was at a loss how to 3egin+ and "et the situation was too al fresco- too informall" "outhful, as if the" were a 3o" and his sister, for the sh" formalit" she 3etra"ed' 6he put the 3onnet aside, and loosened her $oat, and sat with her hands folded+ 3ut still she did not speak' 6omething a3out the $oat2s high $ollar and $ut, espe$iall" from the 3a$k, was mas$uline8it ga.e her a tou$h of the air of a girl $oa$hman, a female soldier8a tou$h onl", and whi$h the hair effortlessl" $ontradi$ted' :ith a kind of surprise &harles reali=ed how sha33" $lothes did not detra$t from her+ in some wa" e.en suited her, and more than finer $lothes might ha.e done' *he last fi.e "ears had seen a great eman$ipation in women2s fashions, at least in (ondon' *he first artifi$ial aids to a well;shaped 3osom had 3egun to 3e $ommonl" worn+ e"elashes and e"e3rows were painted, lips sal.ed, hair 4dusted5 and tinted ''' and 3" most fashiona3le women, not Cust those of the demi;monde. >ow with 6arah there was none of all this' 6he seemed totall" indifferent to fashion+ and sur.i.ed in spite of it, Cust as the simple primroses at &harles2s feet sur.i.ed all the $ompetition of e)oti$ $onser.ator" plants' 6o &harles sat silent, a little regal with this strange suppli$ant at his feet+ and not o.ermu$h in$lined to help her' ?ut she would not speak' /erhaps it was out of a timid modest", "et he 3egan .er" distin$tl" to sense that he was 3eing $hallenged to $oa) the m"ster" out of her+ and finall" he surrendered' 4Miss :oodruff, I detest immoralit"' ?ut moralit" without mer$" I detest rather more' I promise not to 3e too se.ere a Cudge'5 6he made a little mo.ement of her head' ?ut still she hesitated' *hen, with something of the a3ruptness of a disin$lined 3ather who ho.ers at the 3rink, she plunged into her $onfession' 4!is name was Garguennes' !e was 3rought to &aptain *al3ot2s after the wre$k of his ship' All 3ut two of the others were drowned' ?ut "ou ha.e 3een told thisD5 4*he mere $ir$umstan$e' >ot what he was like'5 4*he first thing I admired in him was his $ourage' I did not then know that men $an 3e 3oth .er" 3ra.e and .er" false'5 6he stared out to sea, as if that was the listener, not &harles 3ehind her' 4!is wound was most dreadful' !is flesh was torn from his hip to his knee' If gangrene had inter.ened, he would ha.e lost his leg' !e was in great pain, those first da"s' 1et he ne.er $ried' >ot the smallest groan' :hen the do$tor dressed his wound he would $len$h m" hand' 6o hard that one da" I nearl" fainted'5
4!e spoke no #nglishD5 4A few words' Mrs' *al3ot knew 7ren$h no 3etter than he did #nglish' And &aptain *al3ot was $alled awa" on dut" soon after he first $ame' !e told us he $ame from ?ordeau' *hat his father was a ri$h law"er who had married again and $heated the $hildren of his first famil" of their inheritan$e' Garguennes had gone to sea in the wine $ommer$e' At the time of his wre$k he said he was first offi$er' ?ut all he said was false' I don2t know who he reall" was' !e seemed a gentleman' *hat is all'5 6he spoke as one una$$ustomed to sustained e)pression, with odd small pauses 3etween ea$h $lipped, tentati.e senten$e+ whether to allow herself to think ahead or to allow him to interrupt, &harles $ould not tell' !e murmured, 4I understand'5 46ometimes I think he had nothing to do with the shipwre$k' !e was the de.il in the guise of a sailor'5 6he looked down at her hands' 4!e was .er" handsome' >o man had e.er paid me the kind of attentions that he did8I speak of when he was mending' !e had no time for 3ooks' !e was worse than a $hild' !e must ha.e $on.ersation, people a3out him, people to listen to him' !e told me foolish things a3out m"self' *hat he $ould not understand wh" I was not married' 6u$h things' I foolishl" 3elie.ed him'5 4!e made ad.an$es, in shortD5 41ou must understand we talked alwa"s in 7ren$h' /erhaps what was said 3etween us did not seem .er" real to me 3e$ause of that' I ha.e ne.er 3een to 7ran$e, m" knowledge of the spoken tongue is not good' Ger" often I did not $omprehend perfe$tl" what he was sa"ing' *he 3lame is not all his' /erhaps I heard what he did not mean' !e would mo$k me' ?ut it seemed without offense'5 6he hesitated a moment' 4I ''' I took pleasure in it' !e $alled me $ruel when I would not let him kiss m" hand' A da" $ame when I thought m"self $ruel as well'5 4And "ou were no longer $ruel'5 41es'5 A $row floated $lose o.erhead, its 3la$k feathers gleaming, splintering hesitantl" in the 3ree=e 3efore it slipped awa" in sudden alarm' 4I understand'5 !e meant it merel" as en$ouragement to $ontinue+ 3ut she took him literall"' 41ou $annot, Mr' 6mithson' ?e$ause "ou are not a woman' ?e$ause "ou are not a woman who was 3orn to 3e a farmer2s wife 3ut edu$ated to 3e something ''' 3etter' M" hand has 3een se.eral times asked in marriage' :hen I was in <or$hester, a ri$h gra=ier83ut that is nothing' 1ou were not 3orn a woman with a natural respe$t, a lo.e of intelligen$e, 3eaut",
learning ''' I don2t know how to sa" it, I ha.e no right to desire these things, 3ut m" heart $ra.es them and I $annot 3elie.e it is all .anit" '''5 6he was silent a moment' 4And "ou were not e.er a go.erness, Mr' 6mithson, a "oung woman without $hildren paid to look after $hildren' 1ou $annot know that the sweeter the" are the more intolera3le the pain is' 1ou must not think I speak of mere en."' I lo.ed little /aul and Girginia, I feel for Mrs' *al3ot nothing 3ut gratitude and affe$tion8I would die for her or her $hildren' ?ut to li.e ea$h da" in s$enes of domesti$ happiness, the $losest spe$tator of a happ" marriage, home, adora3le $hildren'5 6he paused' 4Mrs' *al3ot is m" own age e)a$tl"'5 6he paused again' 4It $ame to seem to me as if I were allowed to li.e in paradise, 3ut for3idden to enCo" it'5 4?ut is not the depri.ation "ou des$ri3e one we all share in our different wa"sD5 6he shook her head with a surprising .ehemen$e' !e reali=ed he had tou$hed some deep emotion in her' 4I meant onl" to suggest that so$ial pri.ilege does not ne$essaril" 3ring happiness'5 4*here is no likeness 3etween a situation where happiness is at least possi3le and one where '''5 again she shook her head' 4?ut "ou surel" $an2t pretend that all go.ernesses are unhapp"8or remain unmarriedD5 4All like m"self'5 !e left a silen$e, then said, 4I interrupted "our stor"' 7orgi.e me'5 4And "ou will 3elie.e I speak not from en."D5 6he turned then, her e"es intense, and he nodded' /lu$king a little spra" of milkwort from the 3ank 3eside her, 3lue flowers like mi$ros$opi$ $heru3s2 genitals, she went on' 4Garguennes re$o.ered' It $ame to within a week of the time when he should take his lea.e' ?" then he had de$lared his atta$hment to me'5 4!e asked "ou to marr" himD5 6he found diffi$ult" in answering' 4*here was talk of marriage' !e told me he was to 3e promoted $aptain of a wine ship when he returned to 7ran$e' *hat he had e)pe$tations of re$o.ering the patrimon" he and his 3rother had lost'5 6he hesitated, then $ame out with it' 4!e wished me to go with him 3a$k to 7ran$e'5 4Mrs' *al3ot was aware of thisD5 46he is the kindest of women' And the most inno$ent' If &aptain *al3ot had 3een there ''' 3ut he was not' I was ashamed to tell her in the 3eginning' And afraid, at the end'5 6he added, 4Afraid of the ad.i$e I knew she must gi.e me'5 6he 3egan to defoliate the milkwort' 4Garguennes 3e$ame insistent' !e made me 3elie.e that his whole happiness depended on m"
a$$ompan"ing him when he left8more than that, that m" happiness depended on it as well' !e had found out mu$h a3out me' !ow m" father had died in a lunati$ as"lum' !ow I was without means, without $lose relati.es' !ow for man" "ears I had felt m"self in some m"sterious wa" $ondemned8and I knew not wh"8to solitude'5 6he laid the milkwort aside, and $len$hed her fingers on her lap' 4M" life has 3een steeped in loneliness, Mr' 6mithson' As if it has 3een ordained that I shall ne.er form a friendship with an equal, ne.er inha3it m" own home, ne.er see the world e)$ept as the generalit" to whi$h I must 3e the e)$eption' 7our "ears ago m" father was de$lared 3ankrupt' All our possessions were sold' #.er sin$e then I ha.e suffered from the illusion that e.en things8mere $hairs, ta3les, mirrors8 $onspire to in$rease m" solitude' 1ou will ne.er own us, the" sa", we shall ne.er 3e "ours' ?ut alwa"s someone else2s' I know this is madness, I know in the manufa$turing $ities po.erties and solitude e)ist in $omparison to whi$h I li.e in $omfort and lu)ur"' ?ut when I read of the -nionists2 wild a$ts of re.enge, part of me understands' Almost en.ies them, for the" know where and how to wreak their re.enge' And I am powerless'5 6omething new had $rept into her .oi$e, an intensit" of feeling that in part denied her last senten$e' 6he added, more quietl", 4I fear I don2t e)plain m"self well'5 4I2m not sure that I $an $ondone "our feelings' ?ut I understand them perfe$tl"'5 4Garguennes left, to take the :e"mouth pa$ket' Mrs' *al3ot supposed, of $ourse, that he would take it as soon as he arri.ed there' ?ut he told me he should wait until I Coined him' I did not promise him' ,n the $ontrar"8I swore to him that' '' 3ut I was in tears' !e said finall" he should wait one week' I said I would ne.er follow him' ?ut as one da" passed, and then another, and he was no longer there to talk to, the sense of solitude I spoke of Cust now swept 3a$k o.er me' I felt I would drown in it, far worse, that I had let a spar that might ha.e sa.ed me drift out of rea$h' I was o.er$ome 3" despair' A despair whose pains were made dou3l" worse 3" the other pains I had to take to $on$eal it' :hen the fifth da" $ame, I $ould endure it no longer'5 4?ut I gather all this was $on$ealed from Mrs' *al3ot8 were not "our suspi$ions aroused 3" thatD It is hardl" the $ondu$t of a man with honora3le intentions'5 4Mr' 6mithson, I know m" foll", m" 3lindness to his real $hara$ter, must seem to a stranger to m" nature and $ir$umstan$es at that time so great that it $annot 3e 3ut $riminal' I $an2t hide that' /erhaps I alwa"s knew' &ertainl" some deep flaw in m" soul wished m" 3etter self to 3e 3linded' And then we
had 3egun 3" de$ei.ing' 6u$h a path is diffi$ult to reas$end, on$e engaged upon'5 *hat might ha.e 3een a warning to &harles+ 3ut he was too a3sor3ed in her stor" to think of his own' 41ou went to :e"mouthD5 4I de$ei.ed Mrs' *al3ot with a tale of a s$hool friend who had fallen gra.el" ill' 6he 3elie.ed me to 3e going to 6her3orne' ?oth Courne"s require one to go to <or$hester' ,n$e there, I took the omni3us to :e"mouth'5 ?ut 6arah fell silent then and her head 3owed, as if she $ould not 3ring herself to $ontinue' 46pare "ourself, Miss :oodruff' I $an guess84 6he shook her head' 4I $ome to the e.ent I must tell' ?ut I do not know how to tell it'5 &harles too looked at the ground' In one of the great ash trees 3elow a hidden missel thrush was singing, wild;.oi$ed 3eneath the air2s 3lue pea$e' At last she went on' 4I found a lodging house 3" the har3or' *hen I went to the inn where he had said he would take a room' !e was not there' ?ut a message awaited me, gi.ing the name of another inn' I went there' It was not ''' a respe$ta3le pla$e' I knew that 3" the wa" m" inquir" for him was answered' I was told where his room was and e)pe$ted to go up to it' I insisted he 3e sent for' !e $ame down' !e seemed o.erCo"ed to see me, he was all that a lo.er should 3e' !e apologi=ed for the hum3leness of the pla$e' !e said it was less e)pensi.e than the other, and used often 3" 7ren$h seamen and mer$hants' I was frightened and he was .er" kind' I had not eaten that da" and he had food prepared'''5 6he hesitated, then went on, 4It was nois" in the $ommon rooms, so we went to a sitting room' I $annot tell "ou how, 3ut I knew he was $hanged' *hough he was so attenti.e, so full of smiles and $aresses, I knew that if I hadn2t $ome he would ha.e 3een neither surprised nor long saddened' I knew then I had 3een for him no more than an amusement during his $on.ales$en$e' *he .eil 3efore m" e"es dropped' I saw he was insin$ere ''' a liar' I saw marriage with him would ha.e 3een marriage to a worthless ad.enturer' I saw all this within fi.e minutes of that meeting'5 As if she heard a self;re$riminator" 3itterness $reep into her .oi$e again, she stopped+ then $ontinued in a lower tone' 41ou ma" wonder how I had not seen it 3efore' I 3elie.e I had' ?ut to see something is not the same as to a$knowledge it' I think he was a little like the li=ard that $hanges $olor with its surroundings' !e appeared far more a gentleman in a gentleman2s house' In that inn, I saw him for what he was' And I knew his $olor there was far more natural than the other'5 6he stared out to sea for a moment' &harles fan$ied a deeper pink now
suffused her $heeks, 3ut her head was turned awa"' 4In su$h $ir$umstan$es I know a ''' a respe$ta3le woman would ha.e left at on$e' I ha.e sear$hed m" soul a thousand times sin$e that e.ening' All I ha.e found is that no one e)planation of m" $ondu$t is suffi$ient' I was first of all as if fro=en with horror at the reali=ation of m" mistake8and "et so horri3le was it ''' I tried to see worth in him, respe$ta3ilit", honor' And then I was filled with a kind of rage at 3eing de$ei.ed' I told m"self that if I had not suffered su$h unendura3le loneliness in the past I shouldn2t ha.e 3een so 3lind' *hus I 3lamed $ir$umstan$es for m" situation' I had ne.er 3een in su$h a situation 3efore' >e.er in su$h an inn, where propriet" seemed unknown and the worship of sin as normal as the worship of .irtue is in a no3ler 3uilding' I $annot e)plain' M" mind was $onfused' /erhaps I 3elie.ed I owed it to m"self to appear mistress of m" destin"' I had run awa" to this man' *oo mu$h modest" must seem a3surd ''' almost a .anit"'5 6he paused' 4I sta"ed' I ate the supper that was ser.ed' I drank the wine he pressed on me' It did not into)i$ate me' I think it made me see more $learl" ''' is that possi3leD5 6he turned imper$epti3l" for his answer+ almost as if he might ha.e disappeared, and she wanted to 3e sure, though she $ould not look, that he had not .anished into thin air' 4>o dou3t'5 4It seemed to me that it ga.e me strength and $ourage ''' as well as understanding' It was not the de.il2s instrument' A time $ame when Garguennes $ould no longer hide the nature of his real intentions towards me' >or $ould I pretend to surprise' M" inno$en$e was false from the moment I $hose to sta"' Mr' 6mithson, I am not seeking to defend m"self' O know .er" well that I $ould still, e.en after the door $losed on the maid who $leared awa" our supper, I $ould still ha.e left' I $ould pretend to "ou that he o.erpowered me, that he had drugged me ''' what "ou will' ?ut it is not so' !e was a man without s$ruples, a man of $apri$e, of a passionate selfishness' ?ut he would ne.er .iolate a woman against her will'5 And then, at the least e)pe$ted moment, she turned full" to look at &harles' !er $olor was high, 3ut it seemed to him less em3arrassment than a kind of ardor, an anger, a defian$e+ as if she were naked 3efore him, "et proud to 3e so' 4I ga.e m"self to him'5 !e $ould not 3ear her e"es then, and glan$ed down with the faintest nod of the head' 4I see'5 46o I am a dou3l" dishonored woman' ?" $ir$umstan$es' And 3"
$hoi$e'5 *here was silen$e' Again she fa$ed the sea' !e murmured, 4I did not ask "ou to tell me these things'5 4Mr' 6mithson, what I 3eg "ou to understand is not that I did this shameful thing, 3ut wh" I did it' :h" I sa$rifi$ed a woman2s most pre$ious possession for the transient gratifi$ation of a man I did not lo.e'5 6he raised her hands to her $heeks' 4I did it so that I should ne.er 3e the same again' I did it so that people should point at me, should sa", there walks the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :hore8oh "es, let the word 3e said' 6o that the" should know I ha.e suffered, and suffer, as others suffer in e.er" town and .illage in this land' I $ould not marr" that man' 6o I married shame' I do not mean that I knew what I did, that it was in $old 3lood that I let Garguennes ha.e his will of me' It seemed to me then as if I threw m"self off a pre$ipi$e or plunged a knife into m" heart' It was a kind of sui$ide' An a$t of despair, Mr' 6mithson' I know it was wi$ked ''' 3lasphemous, 3ut I knew no other wa" to 3reak out of what I was' If I had left that room, and returned to Mrs' *al3ot2s, and resumed m" former e)isten$e, I know that 3" now I should 3e trul" dead ''' and 3" m" own hand' :hat has kept me ali.e is m" shame, m" knowing that I am trul" not like other women' I shall ne.er ha.e $hildren, a hus3and, and those inno$ent happinesses the" ha.e' And the" will ne.er understand the reason for m" $rime'5 6he paused, as if she was seeing what she said $learl" herself for the first time' 46ometimes I almost pit" them' I think I ha.e a freedom the" $annot understand' >o insult, no 3lame, $an tou$h me' ?e$ause I ha.e set m"self 3e"ond the pale' I am nothing, I am hardl" human an" more' I am the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :hore'5 &harles understood .er" imperfe$tl" what she was tr"ing to sa" in that last long spee$h' -ntil she had $ome to her strange de$ision at :e"mouth, he had felt mu$h more s"mpath" for her 3eha.ior than he had shown+ he $ould imagine the slow, tantali=ing agonies of her life as a go.erness+ how easil" she might ha.e fallen into the $lut$hes of su$h a plausi3le .illain as Garguennes+ 3ut this talk of freedom 3e"ond the pale, of marr"ing shame, he found in$omprehensi3le' And "et in a wa" he understood, for 6arah had 3egun to weep towards the end of her Custifi$ation' !er weeping she hid, or tried to hide+ that is, she did not sink her fa$e in her hands or rea$h for a handker$hief, 3ut sat with her fa$e turned awa"' *he real reason for her silen$e did not dawn on &harles at first' ?ut then some instin$t made him stand and take a silent two steps o.er the turf, so that he $ould see the profile of that fa$e' !e saw the $heeks were wet, and he felt un3eara3l" tou$hed+ distur3ed+ 3eset 3" a ma=e of $ross$urrents and swept hopelessl" awa" from his safe an$horage of Cudi$ial,
and Cudi$ious, s"mpath"' !e saw the s$ene she had not detailed her gi.ing herself' !e was at one and the same time Garguennes enCo"ing her and the man who sprang forward and stru$k him down+ Cust as 6arah was to him 3oth an inno$ent .i$tim and a wild, a3andoned woman' <eep in himself he forga.e her her un$hastit"+ and glimpsed the dark shadows where he might ha.e enCo"ed it himself' 6u$h a sudden shift of se)ual ke" is impossi3le toda"' A man and a woman are no sooner in an" 3ut the most $asual $onta$t than the" $onsider the possi3ilit" of a ph"si$al relationship' :e $onsider su$h frankness a3out the real dri.es of human 3eha.ior health", 3ut in 4&harles2s time pri.ate minds did not admit the desires 3anned 3" the pu3li$ mind+ and when the $ons$iousness was sprung on 3" these lurking tigers it was ludi$rousl" unprepared' And then too there was that strangel" #g"ptian qualit" among the Gi$torians+ that $laustrophilia we see so $learl" e.iden$ed in their en.eloping, mummif"ing $lothes, their narrow;windowed and ;$orridored ar$hite$ture, their fear of the open and of the naked' !ide realit", shut out nature' *he re.olutionar" art mo.ement of &harles2s da" was of $ourse the /re;Raphaelite the" at least were making an attempt to admit nature and se)ualit", 3ut we ha.e onl" to $ompare the pastoral 3a$kground of a Millais or a 7ord Mado) ?rown with that in a &onsta3le or a /almer to see how ideali=ed, how de$or;$ons$ious the former were in their approa$h to e)ternal realit"' *hus to &harles the openness of 6arah2s $onfession83oth so open in itself and in the open sunlight8 seemed less to present a sharper realit" than to offer a glimpse of an ideal world' It was not strange 3e$ause it was more real, 3ut 3e$ause it was less real+ a m"thi$al world where naked 3eaut" mattered far more than naked truth' &harles stared down at her for a few hurtling moments, then turned and resumed his seat, his heart 3eating, as if he had Cust stepped 3a$k from the 3rink of the 3luff' 7ar out to sea, a3o.e the southernmost hori=on, there had risen gentl" into .iew an armada of distant $loud' &ream, am3er, snow", like the gorgeous $rests of some mountain range, the towers and ramparts stret$hed as far as the e"e $ould see ''' and "et so remote8as remote as some a33e" of *heleme, some land of sinless, swooning id"ll, in whi$h &harles and 6arah and #rnestina $ould ha.e wandered ' ' ' I do not mean to sa" &harles2s thoughts were so spe$ifi$, so disgra$efull" Mohammedan' ?ut the far $louds reminded him of his own dissatisfa$tion+ of how he would ha.e liked to 3e sailing on$e again through the *"rrhenian+ or riding, arid s$ents in his nostrils, towards the distant walls of A.ila+ or approa$hing some 0reek temple in the 3la=ing Aegean sun;
shine' ?ut e.en then a figure, a dark shadow, his dead sister, mo.ed ahead of him, lightl", luringl", up the ashlar steps and into the 3roken $olumns2 m"ster"'
21
7orgi.e meI forgi.e meI Ah, Marguerite, fain :ould these arms rea$h to $lasp thee 8 ?ut seeI Ktis in .ain' In the .oid air towards thee M" strain2d arms are $ast' ?ut a sea rolls 3etween us8 ,ur different past' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 4/arting5 (18EP)
A minute2s silen$e' ?" a little upward mo.ement of the head she showed she had re$o.ered' 6he half turned' 4Ma" I finishD *here is little more to add'5 4/ra" do not distress "ourself'5 6he 3owed in promise, then went on' 4!e left the ne)t da"' *here was a ship' !e had e)$uses' !is famil" diffi$ulties, his long sta" from home' !e said he would return at on$e' I knew he was l"ing' ?ut I said nothing' /erhaps "ou think I should ha.e returned to Mrs' *al3ot and pretended that I had indeed 3een at 6her3orne' ?ut I $ould not hide m" feelings, Mr' 6mithson' I was in a da=e of despair' It was enough to see m" fa$e to know some life;$hanging e.ent had taken pla$e in m" a3sen$e' And I $ould not lie to Mrs' *al3ot' I did not wish to lie'5 4*hen "ou told her what "ou ha.e Cust told meD5 6he looked down at her hands' 4>o' I told her that I had met Garguennes' *hat he would return one da" to marr" me' I spoke thus ''' not out of pride' Mrs' *al3ot had the heart to understand the truth8I mean to forgi.e me83ut I $ould not tell her that it was partl" her own happiness that had dri.en me'5 4:hen did "ou learn that he was marriedD5
4A month later' !e made himself out an unhapp" hus3and' !e spoke still of lo.e, of an arrangement ''' it was no sho$k' I felt no pain' I replied without anger' I told him m" affe$tion for him had $eased, I wished ne.er to see him again'5 4And "ou ha.e $on$ealed it from e.er"one 3ut m"selfD5 6he waited a long time 3efore answering' 41es' 7or the reason I said'5 4*o punish "ourselfD5 4*o 3e what I must 3e' An out$ast'5 &harles remem3ered <r' 0rogan2s $ommonsensi$al rea$tion to his own $on$ern for her' 4?ut m" dear Miss :oodruff, if e.er" woman who2d 3een de$ei.ed 3" some uns$rupulous mem3er of m" se) were to 3eha.e as "ou ha.e8I fear the $ountr" would 3e full of out$asts'5 4It is'5 4>ow $ome, that2s a3surd'5 4,ut$asts who are afraid to seem so'5 !e stared at her 3a$k+ and re$alled something else that <r' 0rogan had said8a3out patients who refused to take medi$ine' ?ut he determined to make one more tr"' !e leaned forward, his hands $lasped' 4I $an .er" well understand how unhapp" some $ir$umstan$es must seem to a person of edu$ation and intelligen$e' ?ut should not those .er" qualities ena3le one to triumph84 >ow she stood, a3ruptl", and mo.ed towards the edge of the 3luff' &harles hastil" followed and stood 3eside her, read" to sei=e her arm8for he saw his uninspired words of $ounsel had had the .er" $ontrar" effe$t to that intended' 6he stared out to sea, and something in the set of her fa$e suggested to him that she felt she had made a mistake+ that he was trite, a mere mouther of $on.ention' *here was something male a3out her there' &harles felt himself an old woman+ and did not like the feeling' 47orgi.e me' I ask too mu$h, perhaps' ?ut I meant well'5 6he lowered her head, a$knowledging the impli$it apolog"+ 3ut then resumed her stare out to sea' *he" were now more e)posed, .isi3le to an"one in the trees 3elow' 4And please step 3a$k a little' It is not safe here'5 6he turned and looked at him then' *here was on$e again a kind of penetration of his real moti.e that was dis$on$ertingl" naked' :e $an sometimes re$ogni=e the looks of a $entur" ago on a modern fa$e+ 3ut ne.er those of a $entur" to $ome' A moment, then she walked past him 3a$k to the thorn' !e stood in the $enter of the little arena' 4:hat "ou ha.e told me does 3ut $onfirm m" pre.ious sentiment' 1ou must lea.e ("me'5
4If I lea.e here I lea.e m" shame' *hen I am lost'5 6he rea$hed up and tou$hed a 3ran$h of the hawthorn' !e $ould not 3e sure, 3ut she seemed deli3eratel" to press her forefinger down+ a se$ond later she was staring at a $rimson drop of 3lood' 6he looked at it a moment, then took a handker$hief from her po$ket and surreptitiousl" da33ed the 3lood awa"' !e left a silen$e, then sprang it on her' 4:h" did "ou refuse <r' 0rogan2s help last summerD5 !er e"es flashed round at him a$$usingl", 3ut he was read" for that rea$tion' 41es8I asked him his opinion' 1ou $annot den" that I had a right to'5 6he turned awa" again' 41es' 1ou had right'5 4*hen "ou must answer me'5 4?e$ause I did not $hoose to go to him for help' I mean nothing against him' I know he wished to help'5 4And was not his ad.i$e the same as mineD5 41es'5 4*hen with respe$t I must remind "ou of "our promise to me'5 6he did not answer' ?ut that was an answer' &harles went some steps $loser to where she stood staring into the thorn 3ran$hes' 4Miss :oodruffD5 4>ow "ou know the truth8$an "ou still tender that ad.i$eD5 4Most $ertainl"'5 4*hen "ou forgi.e me m" sinD5 *his 3rought up &harles a little short' 41ou put far too high a .alue on m" forgi.eness' *he essential is that "ou forgi.e "ourself "our sin' And "ou $an ne.er do that here'5 41ou did not answer m" question, Mr' 6mithson'5 4!ea.en for3id I should pronoun$e on what onl" ,ur Maker $an de$ide' ?ut I am $on.in$ed, we are all $on.in$ed that "ou ha.e done suffi$ient penan$e' 1ou are forgi.en'5 4And ma" 3e forgotten'5 *he dr" finalit" of her .oi$e pu==led him a moment' *hen he smiled' 4If "ou mean 3" that that "our friends here intend no pra$ti$al assistan$e84 4I did not mean that' I know the" mean kindl"' ?ut I am like this thorn tree, Mr' 6mithson' >o one reproa$hes it for growing here in this solitude' It is when it walks down ?road 6treet that it offends so$iet"'5 !e made a little puff of protest' 4?ut m" dear Miss :oodruff, "ou $annot tell me it is "our dut" to offend so$iet"'5 !e added, 4If that is what I am to infer'5 6he half turned' 4?ut is it not that so$iet" wishes to remo.e me to
another solitudeD5 4:hat "ou question now is the Custi$e of e)isten$e'5 4And that is for3iddenD5 4>ot for3idden' ?ut fruitless'5 6he shook her head' 4*here are fruit' *hough 3itter'5 ?ut it was said without $ontradi$tion, with a deep sadness, almost to herself' &harles was o.er$ome, as 3" a 3a$kwash from her wa.e of $onfession, 3" a sense of waste' !e per$ei.ed that her dire$tness of look was mat$hed 3" a dire$tness of thought and language8that what had on o$$a; sion stru$k him 3efore as a presumption of intelle$tual equalit" (therefore a suspe$t resentment against man) was less an equalit" than a pro)imit", a pro)imit" like a nakedness, an intima$" of thought and feeling hitherto unimagina3le to him in the $onte)t of a relationship with a woman' !e did not think this su3Ce$ti.el", 3ut o3Ce$ti.el" here, if onl" some free man had the wit to see it, is a remarka3le woman' *he feeling was not of male en." 3ut .er" mu$h of human loss' A3ruptl" he rea$hed out his hand and tou$hed her shoulder in a gesture of $omfort+ and as qui$kl" turned awa"' *here was a silen$e' As if she sensed his frustration, she spoke' 41ou think then that I should lea.eD5 At on$e he felt released and turned eagerl" 3a$k to her' 4I 3eg "ou to' >ew surroundings, new fa$es ''' and ha.e no worries as regards the pra$ti$al $onsiderations' :e await onl" "our de$ision to interest oursel.es on "our 3ehalf'5 4Ma" I ha.e a da" or two to refle$tD5 4If it so 3e "ou feel it ne$essar"'5 !e took his $han$e+ and grasped the normalit" she made so elusi.e' 4And I propose that we now put the matter under Mrs' *ranter2s auspi$es' If "ou will permit, I will see to it that her purse is pro.ided for an" needs "ou ma" ha.e'5 !er head 3owed+ she seemed near tears again' 6he murmured, 4I don2t deser.e su$h kindness' I'''5 46a" no more' I $annot think of mone" 3etter spent'5 A deli$ate tinge of triumph was running through &harles' It had 3een as 0rogan prophesied' &onfession had 3rought $ure8or at least a $lear glimpse of it' !e turned to pi$k up his ashplant 3" the 3lo$k of flint' 4I must $ome to Mrs' *ranter2sD5 4#)$ellent' *here will of $ourse 3e no ne$essit" to speak of our meetings'5 4I shall sa" nothing'5 !e saw the s$ene alread"+ his polite 3ut not too interested surprise,
followed 3" his disinterested insisten$e that an" pe$uniar" assistan$e desira3le should 3e to his $harge' #rnestina might .er" well tease him a3out it83ut that would ease his $ons$ien$e' !e smiled at 6arah' 41ou ha.e shared "our se$ret' I think "ou will find it to 3e an un3urdening in man" other wa"s' 1ou ha.e .er" $onsidera3le natural ad.antages' 1ou ha.e nothing to fear from life' A da" will $ome when these re$ent unhapp" "ears ma" seem no more than that $loud;stain o.er there upon &hesil ?ank' 1ou shall stand in sunlight8and smile at "our own past sorrows'5 !e thought he dete$ted a kind of light 3ehind the dou3t in her e"es+ for a moment she was like a $hild, 3oth relu$tant and "et willing to 3e $o=ened8or homili=ed8out of tears' !is smile deepened' !e added lightl", 4And now had we 3etter not des$endD5 6he seemed as if she would like to sa" something, no dou3t reaffirm her gratitude, 3ut his stan$e of 3risk waiting made her, after one last lingering look into his e"es, mo.e past him' 6he led the wa" down as neat;footedl" as she had led it up' (ooking down on her 3a$k, he felt tinges of regret' >ot to see her thus again ''' regret and relief' A remarka3le "oung woman' !e would not forget her+ and it seemed some $onsolation that he would not 3e allowed to' Aunt *ranter would 3e his future sp"' *he" $ame to the 3ase of the lower $liff, and went through the first tunnel of i.", o.er the $learing, and into the se$ond green $orridor8and thenI *here $ame from far 3elow, from the main path through the -nder$liff, the sound of a stifled peal of laughter' Its effe$t was strange8as if some wood spirit had 3een wat$hing their $landestine meeting and $ould now no longer 3ottle up her8for the laugh was unmistaka3l" female8mirth at their foolish $onfiden$e in 3eing unseen' &harles and 6arah stopped as of one a$$ord' &harles2s growing relief was instantaneousl" $on.erted into a sho$ked alarm' ?ut the s$reen of i." was dense, the laugh had $ome from two or three hundred "ards awa"+ the" $ould not ha.e 3een seen' -nless as the" $ame down the slope ''' a moment, then she swiftl" raised a finger to her lips, indi$ated that he should not mo.e, and then herself stole along to the end of the tunnel' &harles wat$hed her $rane forward and stare $autiousl" down towards the path' *hen her fa$e turned sharpl" 3a$k to him' 6he 3e$koned8he was to go to her, 3ut with the utmost quietness+ and simultaneousl" that laugh $ame again' It was quieter this time, "et $loser' :hoe.er had 3een on the path had left it and was $lim3ing up through the ash trees toward them' &harles trod $autiousl" towards 6arah, making sure of ea$h pla$e where
he had to put his wret$hedl" unstealth" 3oots' !e felt himself flushing, most hideousl" em3arrassed' >o e)planation $ould hold water for a moment' !owe.er he was seen with 6arah, it must 3e in flagrante delicto. !e $ame to where she stood, and where the i." was fortunatel" at its thi$kest' 6he had turned awa" from the interlopers and stood with her 3a$k against a tree trunk, her e"es $ast down as if in mute guilt for ha.ing 3rought them 3oth to this pass' &harles looked through the lea.es and down the slope of the ash gro.e8and his 3lood fro=e' &oming up towards them, as if seeking their same $o.er, were 6am and Mar"' 6am had his arm round the girl2s shoulders' !e $arried his hat, and she her 3onnet+ she wore the green walking dress gi.en her 3" #rnestina8indeed, the last time &harles had seen it it had 3een on #rnestina8and her head la" 3a$k a little against 6am2s $heek' *he" were "oung lo.ers as plain as the ashes were old trees+ as greenl" eroti$ as the April plants the" trod on' &harles drew 3a$k a little 3ut kept them in .iew' As he wat$hed 6am drew the girl2s fa$e round and kissed her' !er arm $ame up and the" em3ra$ed+ and then holding hands, stood sh"l" apart a little' 6am led the girl to where a 3ank of grass had managed to esta3lish itself 3etween the trees' Mar" sat and la" 3a$k, and 6am leaned 3eside her, looking down at her+ then he tou$hed her hair aside from her $heeks and 3ent and kissed her tenderl" on the e"es' &harles felt pier$ed with a new em3arrassment he glan$ed at 6arah, to see if she knew who the intruders were' ?ut she stared at the hart2s;tongue ferns at her feet, as if the" were merel" sheltering from some shower of rain' *wo minutes, then three passed' #m3arrassment ga.e wa" to a degree of relief8it was $lear that the two ser.ants were far more interested in e)ploring ea$h other than their surroundings' !e glan$ed again at 6arah' >ow she too was wat$hing, from round her tree trunk' 6he turned 3a$k, her e"es $ast down' ?ut then without warning she looked up at him' A moment' *hen she did something as strange, as sho$king, as if she had thrown off her $lothes' 6he smiled' It was a smile so $omple) that &harles $ould at the first moment onl" stare at it in$redulousl"' It was so strangel" timedI !e felt she had almost 3een waiting for su$h a moment to unleash it upon him8this re.elation of her humor, that her sadness was not total' And in those wide e"es, so som3er, sad and dire$t, was re.ealed an iron", a new dimension of herself8 one little /aul and Girginia would ha.e 3een quite familiar with in da"s gone 3", 3ut ne.er till now 3estowed on ("me'
:here are "our pretensions now, those e"es and gentl" $ur.ing lips seemed to sa"+ where is "our 3irth, "our s$ien$e, "our etiquette, "our so$ial orderD More than that, it was not a smile one $ould stiffen or frown at+ it $ould onl" 3e met with a smile in return, for it e)$used 6am and Mar", it e)$used all+ and in some wa" too su3tle for anal"sis, undermined all that had passed 3etween &harles and herself till then' It la" $laim to a far profounder understanding, a$knowledgment of that awkward equalit" melting into pro)imit" than had 3een $ons$iousl" admitted' Indeed, &harles did not $ons$iousl" smile in return+ he found himself smiling+ onl" with his e"es, 3ut smiling' And e)$ited, in some wa" too o3s$ure and general to 3e $alled se)ual, to the .er" roots of his 3eing+ like a man who at last $omes, at the end of a long high wall, to the sought;for door ''' 3ut onl" to find it lo$ked' 7or se.eral moments the" stood, the woman who was the door, the man without the ke"+ and then she lowered her e"es again' *he smile died' A long silen$e hung 3etween them' &harles saw the truth he reall" did stand with one foot o.er the pre$ipi$e' 7or a moment he thought he would, he must plunge' !e knew if he rea$hed out his arm she would meet with no resistan$e ' ' ' onl" a passionate re$ipro$it" of feeling' *he red in his $heeks deepened, and at last he whispered' 4:e must ne.er meet alone again'5 6he did not raise her head, 3ut ga.e the smallest nod of assent+ and then with an almost sullen mo.ement she turned awa" from him, so that he $ould not see her fa$e' !e looked again through the lea.es' 6am2s head and shoulders were 3ent o.er the in.isi3le Mar"' (ong moments passed, 3ut &harles remained wat$hing, his mind still whirling down that pre$ipi$e, hardl" aware that he was sp"ing, "et infe$ted, as ea$h moment passed, with more of the .er" poison he was tr"ing to repel' Mar" sa.ed him' 6uddenl" she pushed 6am aside and laughing, ran down the slope 3a$k towards the path+ poising a moment, her mis$hie.ous fa$e flashed 3a$k at 6am, 3efore she raised her skirts and skittered down, a thin line of red petti$oat 3eneath the .iridian, through the .iolets and the dog2s mer$ur"' 6am ran after her' *heir figures dwindled 3etween the gra" stems+ dipped, disappeared, a flash of green, a flash of 3lue+ a laugh that ended in a little s$ream+ then silen$e' 7i.e minutes passed, during whi$h the hidden pair spoke not a word to ea$h other' &harles remained staring fi)edl" down the hill, as if it were important that he should keep su$h intent wat$h' All he wanted, of $ourse, was to a.oid looking at 6arah' At last he 3roke the silen$e' 41ou had 3etter go'5 6he 3owed her head' 4I will wait a half;hour'5 6he 3owed her head again, and then mo.ed past him' *heir e"es did not meet'
,nl" when she was out among the ash trees did she turn and look 3a$k for a moment at him' 6he $ould not ha.e seen his fa$e, 3ut she must ha.e known he was wat$hing' And her fa$e had its old lan$ing look again' *hen she went lightl" on down through the trees'
22
I too ha.e felt the load I 3ore In a too strong emotion2s swa"+ I too ha.e wished, no woman more, *his starting, fe.erish heart, awa"' I too ha.e longed for tren$hant for$e And will like a di.iding spear+ !a.e praised the keen, uns$rupulous $ourse, :hi$h knows no dou3t, whi$h feels no fear' ?ut in the world I learnt, what there *hou too will surel" one da" pro.e, *hat will, that energ", though rare, And "et far, far less rare than lo.e' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 4A 7arewell5 (18EP)
&harles2s thoughts on his own e.entual wa" 3a$k to ("me were all .ariations on that agelessl" popular male theme 41ou2.e 3een pla"ing with fire, m" 3o"'5 ?ut it was pre$isel" that theme, 3" whi$h I mean that the tenor of his thoughts mat$hed the .er3al tenor of the statement' !e had 3een .er" foolish, 3ut his foll" had not 3een .isited on him' !e had run an a3surd risk+ and es$aped uns$athed' And so now, as the great stone $law of the &o33 $ame into sight far 3elow, he felt e)hilarated' And how should he ha.e 3lamed himself .er" deepl"D 7rom the outset his moti.es had 3een the purest+ he had $ured her of her madness+ and if something impure had for a moment threatened to infiltrate his defenses, it had 3een 3ut mint sau$e to the wholesome lam3' !e would 3e to 3lame, of $ourse, if he did not now remo.e himself, and for good, from the fire' *hat, he would take .er" good $are to do' After all, he was not a moth infatuated
3" a $andle+ he was a highl" intelligent 3eing, one of the fittest, and endowed with total free will' If he had not 3een sure of that latter safeguard, would he e.er ha.e risked himself in su$h dangerous watersD I am mi)ing metaphors83ut that was how &harles2s mind worked' And so, leaning on free will quite as mu$h as on his ashplant, he des$ended the hill to the town' All s"mpatheti$ ph"si$al feelings towards the girl he would hen$eforth rigorousl" suppress, 3" free will' An" further soli$itation of a pri.ate meeting he would adamantl" dis$ountenan$e, 3" free will' All administration of his interest should 3e passed to Aunt *ranter, 3" free will' And he was therefore permitted, o3liged rather, to $ontinue to keep #rnestina in the dark, 3" the same free will' ?" the time he $ame in sight of the :hite (ion, he had free;willed himself most $on.in$ingl" into a state of self;$ongratulation ''' and one in whi$h he $ould look at 6arah as an o3Ce$t of his past' A remarka3le "oung woman, a remarka3le "oung woman' And 3affling' !e de$ided that that was8had 3een, rather8 her attra$tion her unpredi$ta3ilit"' !e did not reali=e that she had two qualities as t"pi$al of the #nglish as his own admi)ture of iron" and $on.ention' I speak of passion and imagination' *he first qualit" &harles perhaps 3egan diml" to per$ei.e+ the se$ond he did not' !e $ould not, for those two qualities of 6arah2s were 3anned 3" the epo$h, equated in the first $ase with sensualit" and in the se$ond with the merel" fan$iful' *his dismissi.e dou3le equation was &harles2s greatest defe$t8and here he stands trul" for his age' *here was still de$eption in the flesh, or #rnestina, to 3e fa$ed' ?ut &harles, when he arri.ed at his hotel, found that famil" had $ome to his aid' A telegram awaited him' It was from his un$le at :ins"att' !is presen$e was urgentl" requested 4for most important reasons'5 I am afraid &harles smiled as soon as he read it+ he .er" nearl" kissed the orange en.elope' It remo.ed him from an" immediate further em3arrassment+ from the need for further lies of omission' It was most mar.elousl" $on.enient' !e made inquiries ''' there was a train earl" the ne)t morning from #)eter, then the nearest station to ("me, whi$h meant that he had a good prete)t for lea.ing at on$e and sta"ing there o.ernight' !e ga.e orders for the fastest trap in ("me to 3e pro$ured' !e would dri.e himself' !e felt in$lined to make su$h an urgent rush of it as to let a note to Aunt *ranter2s suffi$e' ?ut that would ha.e 3een too $owardl"' 6o telegram in hand, he walked up the street' *he good lad" herself was full of $on$ern, sin$e telegrams for her meant 3ad news' #rnestina, less superstitious, was plainl" .e)ed' 6he thought it 4too 3ad5 of -n$le Ro3ert to a$t the grand .i=ir in this wa"' 6he was sure it
was nothing+ a whim, an old man2s $apri$e, worse8an en." of "oung lo.e' 6he had, of $ourse, earlier .isited :ins"att, a$$ompanied 3" her parents+ and she had not fallen for 6ir Ro3ert' /erhaps it was 3e$ause she felt herself under inspe$tion+ or 3e$ause the un$le had suffi$ient generations of squirear$h" 3ehind him to possess, 3" middle;$lass (ondon standards, reall" rather 3ad manners8though a kinder $riti$ might ha.e said agreea3l" e$$entri$ ones+ perhaps 3e$ause she $onsidered the house su$h an old 3arn, so dreadfully old;fashioned in its furnishings and hangings and pi$tures+ 3e$ause the said un$le so doted on &harles and &harles was so provo5ingly nephewish in return that #rnestina 3egan to feel positively Cealous+ 3ut a3o.e all, 3e$ause she was frightened' >eigh3oring ladies had 3een summoned to meet her' It was all .er" well knowing her father $ould 3u" up all their respe$ti.e fathers and hus3ands lo$k, sto$k and 3arrel+ she felt herself looked down on (though she was simpl" en.ied) and snu33ed in .arious su3tle wa"s' >or did she mu$h relish the prospe$t of e.entuall" li.ing at :ins"att, though it allowed her to dream of one wa" at least in whi$h part of her .ast marriage portion should 3e spent e)a$tl" as she insisted8 in a $omprehensi.e repla$ement of all those a3surd s$roll" wooden $hairs (&arolean and almost pri$eless), gloom" $up; 3oards (*udor), moth;eaten tapestries (0o3elins), and dull paintings (in$luding two &laudes and a *intoretto) that did not meet her appro.al' !er distaste for the un$le she had not dared to $ommuni$ate to &harles+ and her other o3Ce$tions she hinted at with more humor than sar$asm' I do not think she is to 3e 3lamed' (ike so man" daughters of ri$h parents, 3efore and sin$e, she had 3een gi.en no talent e)$ept that of $on.entional good taste ''' that is, she knew how to spend a great deal of mone" in dressmakers2, milliners2 and furniture shops' *hat was her pro.in$e+ and sin$e it was her onl" real one, she did not like it en$roa$hed upon' *he urgent &harles put up with her muted disappro.al and prett" poutings, and assured her that he would fl" 3a$k with as mu$h speed as he went' !e had in fa$t a fairl" good idea what his un$le wanted him so a3ruptl" for+ the matter had 3een tentati.el" 3roa$hed when he was there with *ina and her parents ''' most tentati.el" sin$e his un$le was a sh" man' It was the possi3ilit" that &harles and his 3ride might share :ins"att with him8the" $ould 4fit up5 the east whig' &harles knew his un$le did not mean merel" that the" should $ome and sta" there on o$$asion, 3ut that &harles should settle down and start learning the 3usiness of running the estate' >ow this appealed to him no more than it would ha.e, had he reali=ed, to #rnestina' !e knew it would 3e a poor arrangement, that his un$le would alternate 3etween doting and disappro.ing ''' and that #rnestina needed edu;
$ating into :ins"att 3" a less trammeled earl" marriage' ?ut his un$le had hinted pri.atel" to him at something 3e"ond this that :ins"att was too large for a lonel" old man, that he didn2t know if he wouldn2t 3e happier in a smaller pla$e' *here was no shortage of suita3le smaller pla$es in the en.irons ''' indeed, some figured on the :ins"att rent roll' *here was one su$h, an #li=a3ethan manor house in the .illage of :ins"att, almost in .iew of the great house' &harles guessed now that the old man was feeling selfish+ and that he was $alled to :ins"att to 3e offered either the manor house or the great house' #ither would 3e agreea3le' It did not mu$h matter to him whi$h it should 3e, pro.ided his un$le was out of the wa"' !e felt $ertain that the old 3a$helor $ould now 3e maneu.ered into either house, that he was like a ner.ous rider who had $ome to a Cump and wanted to 3e led o.er it' A$$ordingl", at the end of the 3rief trio in ?road 6treet, &harles asked for a few words alone with #rnestina+ and as soon as Aunt *ranter had retired, he told her what he suspe$ted' 4?ut wh" should he ha.e not dis$ussed it soonerD5 4<earest, I2m afraid that is -n$le ?o3 to the life' ?ut tell me what I am to sa"'5 4:hi$h should "ou preferD5 4:hi$he.er "ou $hoose' >either, if needs 3e' *hough he would 3e hurt'''5 #rnestina uttered a dis$reet $urse against ri$h un$les' ?ut a .ision of herself, (ad" 6mithson in a :ins"att appointed to her taste, did $ross her mind, perhaps 3e$ause she was in Aunt *ranter2s not .er" spa$ious 3a$k parlor' After all, a title needs a setting' And if the horrid old man were safel" from under the same roof ' ' ' and he was old' And dear &harles' And her parents, to whom she owed ''' 4*his house in the .illage8is it not the one we passed in the $arriageD5 41es, "ou remem3er, it had all those pi$turesque old ga3les84 4/i$turesque to look at from the outside'5 4,f $ourse it would ha.e to 3e done up'5 4:hat did "ou $all itD5 4*he .illagers $all it the (ittle !ouse' ?ut onl" 3" $omparison' It2s man" "ears sin$e I was in it, 3ut I fan$" it is a good deal larger than it looks'5 4I know those old houses' <o=ens of wret$hed little rooms' I think the #li=a3ethans were all dwarfs'5 !e smiled (though he might ha.e done 3etter to $orre$t her $urious notion of *udor ar$hite$ture), and put his arm round her shoulders' 4*hen
:ins"att itselfD5 6he ga.e him a straight little look under her ar$hed e"e3rows' 4<o "ou wish itD5 41ou know what it is to me'5 4I ma" ha.e m" wa" with new de$orationsD5 41ou ma" ra=e it to the ground and ere$t a se$ond &r"stal /ala$e, for all I $are'5 4&harlesI ?e seriousI5 6he pulled awa"' ?ut he soon re$ei.ed a kiss of forgi.eness, and went on his wa" with a light heart' 7or her part, #rnestina went upstairs and drew out her $opious armor" of $atalogues'
23
/ortion of this "ew Is a man m" grandsire knew '''
8!AR<1, 4*ransformations5 *he $haise, its $alash down to allow &harles to enCo" the spring sunshine, passed the gatehouse' 1oung !awkins stood 3" the opened gates, old Mrs' !awkins 3eamed $o"l" at the door of the $ottage' And &harles $alled to the under;$oa$hman who had 3een waiting at &hippenham and now dro.e with 6am 3eside him on the 3o), to stop a moment' A spe$ial relationship e)isted 3etween &harles and the old woman' :ithout a mother sin$e the age of one, he had had to put up with a series of su3stitutes as a little 3o"+ in his sta"s at :ins"att he had atta$hed himself to this same Mrs' !awkins, te$hni$all" in those da"s the head laundr"maid, 3ut 3" right of ser.i$e and popularit" se$ond onl" 3elow stairs to the august housekeeper herself' /erhaps &harles2s affe$tion for Aunt *ranter was an e$ho of his earlier memories of the simple woman8a perfe$t $asting for ?au$is8who now ho33led down the path to the garden gate to greet him' !e had to answer all her eager inquiries a3out the forth$oming marriage+ and to ask in his turn after her $hildren' 6he seemed more than ordinaril"
soli$itous for him, and he dete$ted in her e"e that pit"ing shadow the kind; hearted poor sometimes reser.e for the fa.ored ri$h' It was a shadow he knew of old, 3estowed 3" the inno$ent;shrewd $ountr" woman on the poor motherless 3o" with the wi$ked father8for gross rumors of &harles2s sur.i.ing parent2s enCo"ment of the pleasures of (ondon life per$olated down to :ins"att' It seemed singularl" out of pla$e now, that mute s"mpath", 3ut &harles permitted it with an amused toleran$e' It $ame from lo.e of him, as the neat gatehouse garden, and the parkland, 3e"ond, and the $lumps of old trees8ea$h with a well;lo.ed name, &arson2s 6tand, *en;pine Mound, Ramillies (planted in $ele3ration of that 3attle), the ,ak;and;#lm, the Muses2 0ro.e and a do=en others, all as familiar to &harles as the names of the parts of his 3od"8and the great a.enue of limes, the iron railings, as all in his .iew of the domain $ame that da" also, or so he felt, from lo.e of him' At last he smiled down at the old laundr"maid' 4I must get on' M" un$le e)pe$ts me'5 Mrs' !awkins looked for a moment as if she would not let herself 3e so easil" dismissed+ 3ut the ser.ant o.er$ame the su3stitute mother' 6he $ontented herself with tou$hing his hand as it la" on the $haise door' 4A"e, Mr' &harles' !e e)pe$ts "ou'5 *he $oa$hman fli$ked the rump of the leading horse with his whip and the $haise pulled off up the gentle in$line and into the fenestrated shadow of the still;leafless limes' After a while the dri.e 3e$ame flat, again the whip li$ked la=il" onto the 3a" haun$h, and the two horses, remem3ering the man; ger was now near, 3roke into a 3risk trot' *he swift ga" $run$h of the iron3ound wheels, the slight s$ree$h of an insuffi$ientl" greased a)le, the old affe$tion re.i.ed 3" Mrs' !awkins, his now $ertaint" of 3eing soon in real possession of this lands$ape, all this e.oked in &harles that ineffa3le feeling of fortunate destin" and right order whi$h his sta" in ("me had .aguel" trou3led' *his pie$e of #ngland 3elonged to him, and he 3elonged to it+ its responsi3ilities were his, and its prestige, and its $enturies;old organi=ation' *he" passed a group of his un$le2s workers #3ene=er the smith, 3eside a porta3le 3ra=ier, hammering straight one of the iron rails that had 3een 3ent' ?ehind him, two woodmen, passing the time of da"+ and a fourth .er" old man, who still wore the smo$k of his "outh and an an$ient 3ill"$o$k ''' old ?en, the smith2s father, now one of the do=en or more aged pensioners of the estate allowed to li.e there, as free in all his outdoor $omings and goings as the master himself+ a kind of li.ing file, and still often $onsulted, of the last eight" "ears or more of :ins"att histor"' *hese four turned as the $haise went past, and raised arms, and the 3ill"$o$k' &harles wa.ed seigneuriall" 3a$k' !e knew all their li.es, as the"
knew his' !e e.en knew how the rail had 3een 3ent' ' ' the great 9onas, his un$le2s fa.orite 3ull, had $harged Mrs' *omkins2s landau' 4!er own d8d fault58his un$le2s letter had said84for painting her mouth s$arlet'5 &harles smiled, remem3ering the dr" inquir" in his answer as to wh" su$h an attra$ti.e widow should 3e $alling at :ins"att un$haperoned ''' ?ut it was the great immuta3le rural pea$e that was so deli$ious to reenter' *he miles of spring sward, the 3a$kground of :iltshire downland, the distant house now $oming into .iew, $ream and gra", with its huge $edars, the famous $opper 3ee$h (all $opper 3ee$hes are famous) 3" the west wing, the almost hidden sta3le row 3ehind, with its little wooden tower and $lo$k like a white e)$lamation mark 3etween the inter.ening 3ran$hes' It was s"m3oli$, that sta3le $lo$k+ though nothing8despite the telegram8was e.er reall" urgent at :ins"att, green toda"s flowed into green tomorrows, the onl" real hours were the solar hours, and though, e)$ept at ha"making and har.est, there were alwa"s too man" hands for too little work, the sense of order was almost me$hani$al in its profundit", in one2s feeling that it $ould not 3e distur3ed, that it would alwa"s remain thus 3ene.olent and di.ine' !ea.en8and Millie8knows there were rural inCusti$es and po.erties as .ile as those taking pla$e in 6heffield and Man$hester+ 3ut the" shunned the neigh3orhood of the great houses of #ngland, perhaps for no 3etter reason than that the owners liked well;tended peasants as mu$h as well;tended fields and li.esto$k' *heir $omparati.e kindness to their huge staffs ma" ha.e 3een no more than a side;produ$t of their pursuit of the pleasant prospe$t+ 3ut the underlings gained there3"' And the moti.es of 4intelligent5 modern management are pro3a3l" no more altruisti$' ,ne set of kind e)ploiters went for the /leasant /rospe$t+ the others go for !igher /rodu$ti.it"' As the $haise emerged from the end of the a.enue of limes, where the railed pasture ga.e wa" to smoother lawns and shru33eries, and the dri.e entered its long $ur.e up to the front of the house8a /alladian stru$ture not too ruthlessl" impro.ed and added to 3" the "ounger :"att8&harles felt himself trul" entering upon his inheritan$e' It seemed to him to e)plain all his pre.ious idling through life, his dall"ing with religion, with s$ien$e, with tra.el+ he had 3een waiting for this moment ''' his $all to the throne, so to speak' *he a3surd ad.enture in the -nder$liff was forgotten' Immense duties, the preser.ation of this pea$e and order, la" ahead, as the" had lain ahead of so man" "oung men of his famil" in the past' <ut"8that was his real wife, his #rnestina and his 6arah, and he sprang out of the $haise to wel$ome her as Co"ousl" as a 3o" not half his real age' !e was greeted in return, howe.er, 3" an empt" hall' !e 3roke into the
da"room, or drawing room, e)pe$ting to see his un$le smilingl" on his feet to meet him' ?ut that room was empt", too' And something was strange in it, pu==ling &harles a moment' *hen he smiled' *here were new $urtains 8and the $arpets, "es, the" were new as well' #rnestina would not 3e pleased, to ha.e had the $hoi$e taken out of her hands83ut what surer demonstration $ould there 3e of the old 3a$helor2s intention gra$efull" to hand on the tor$hD 1et something else had also $hanged' It was some moments 3efore &harles reali=ed what it was' *he immortal 3ustard had 3een 3anished+ where its glass $ase had last stood was now a $a3inet of $hina' ?ut still he did not guess' >or did he83ut in this $ase, how $ould heD8guess what had happened to 6arah when she left him the pre.ious afternoon' 6he had walked qui$kl" 3a$k through the woods until she $ame to the pla$e where she normall" took the higher path that pre$luded an" $han$e of her 3eing seen from the <air"' An o3ser.er would ha.e seen her hesitate, and then, if he had had as sharp hearing as 6arah herself, ha.e guessed wh" a sound of .oi$es from the <air" $ottage some hundred "ards awa" down through the trees' 6lowl" and silentl" 6arah made her wa" forward until she $ame to a great holl" 3ush, through whose dense lea.es she $ould stare down at the 3a$k of the $ottage' 6he remained standing some time, her fa$e re.ealing nothing of what passed through her mind' *hen some de.elopment in the s$ene 3elow, outside the $ottage, made her mo.e ''' 3ut not 3a$k into the $o.er of the woods' Instead she walked 3oldl" from out 3ehind the holl" tree and along the path that Coined the $art tra$k a3o.e the $ottage' *hus she emerged in full .iew of the two women at the $ottage door, one of whom $arried a 3asket and was e.identl" a3out to set off on her wa" home' 6arah2s dark figure $ame into .iew' 6he did not look down towards the $ottage, towards those two surprised pairs of e"es, 3ut went swiftl" on her wa" until she passed 3ehind the hedge of one of the fields that ran a3o.e the <air"' ,ne of the women 3elow was the dair"man2s wife' *he other was Mrs' 7airle"'
24
I on$e heard it suggested that the t"pi$al Gi$torian sa"ing was, 41ou must remem3er he is "our un$le '''5 80' M' 1,->0, Victorian Essays
4It is monstrous' Monstrous' I $annot 3elie.e he has not lost his senses'5 4!e has lost his sense of proportion' ?ut that is not quite the same thing'5 4?ut at this Cun$tureI5 4M" dear *ina, &upid has a notorious $ontempt for other people2s $on.enien$e'5 41ou know .er" well that &upid has nothing to do with it'5 4I am afraid he has e.er"thing to do with it' ,ld hearts are the most sus$epti3le'5 4It is m" fault' I know he disappro.es of me'5 4&ome now, that is nonsense'5 4It is not nonsense' I know perfe$tl" well that for him I am a draper2s daughter'5 4M" dear $hild, $ontain "ourself'5 4It is for "ou I am so angr"'5 4Ger" well8then let me 3e angr" on m" own 3ehalf'5 *here was silen$e then, whi$h allows me to sa" that the $on.ersation a3o.e took pla$e in Aunt *ranter2s rear parlor' &harles stood at the window, his 3a$k to #rnestina, who had .er" re$entl" $ried, and who now sat twisting a la$e handker$hief in a .indi$ti.e manner' 4I know how mu$h "ou lo.e :ins"att'5 !ow &harles would ha.e answered $an onl" 3e $onCe$tured, for the door opened at that moment and Aunt *ranter appeared, a pleased smile of wel$ome on her fa$e' 41ou are 3a$k so soonI5 It was half past nine of the same da" we saw &harles dri.ing up to :ins"att !ouse' &harles smiled thinl"' 4,ur 3usiness was soon ' ' ' finished'5 46omething terri3le and disgra$eful has happened'5 Aunt *ranter looked with alarm at the tragi$ and outraged fa$e of her nie$e, who went on 4&harles had 3een disinherited'5 4<isinheritedI5 4#rnestina e)aggerates' It is simpl" that m" un$le has de$ided to marr"'
If he should 3e so fortunate as to ha.e a son and heir '''5 47ortunate ' ' ' I5 #rnestina slipped &harles a s$alding little glan$e' Aunt *ranter looked in $onsternation from one fa$e to the other' 4?ut''' who is the lad"D5 4!er name is Mrs' *omkins, Mrs' *ranter' A widow'5 4And "oung enough to 3ear a do=en sons'5 &harles smiled' 4!ardl" that' ?ut "oung enough to 3ear sons'5 41ou know herD5 #rnestina answered 3efore &harles $ould, 4*hat is what is so disgra$eful' ,nl" two months ago his un$le made fun of the woman to &harles in a letter' And now he is gro.eling at her feet'5 4M" dear #rnestinaI5 4I will not 3e $almI It is too mu$h' After all these "ears'''5 &harles took a deep 3reath, and turned to Aunt *ranter' 4I understand she has e)$ellent $onne$tions' !er hus3and was $olonel in the 7ortieth !ussars and left her handsomel" pro.ided for' *here is no suspi$ion of fortune hunting'5 #rnestina2s smoldering look up at him showed plainl" that in her mind there was e.er" suspi$ion' 4I am told she is a .er" attra$ti.e woman'5 4>o dou3t she rides to hounds'5 !e smiled 3leakl" at #rnestina, who was referring to a 3la$k mark she had earlier gained in the monstrous un$le2s 3ook' 4>o dou3t' ?ut that is not "et a $rime'5 Aunt *ranter plumped down on a $hair and looked again from one "oung fa$e to the other, sear$hing, as e.er in su$h situations, for some ra" of hope' 4?ut is he not too old to ha.e $hildrenD5 &harles managed a gentle smile for her inno$en$e' 4!e is si)t";se.en, Mrs' *ranter' *hat is not too old'5 4#.en though she is "oung enough to 3e his granddaughter'5 4M" dear *ina, all one has in su$h $ir$umstan$es is one2s dignit"' I must 3eg "ou for m" sake not to 3e 3itter' :e must a$$ept the e.ent with as good a gra$e as possi3le'5 6he looked up and saw how ner.ousl" stern he was+ that she must pla" a different role' 6he ran to him, and $at$hing his hand, raised it to her lips' !e drew her to him and kissed the top of her head, 3ut he was not de$ei.ed' A shrew and a mouse ma" look the same+ 3ut the" are not the same+ and though he $ould not find a word to des$ri3e #rnestina2s re$eption of his sho$king and unwel$ome news, it was not far remo.ed from 4unlad"like'5 !e had leaped straight from the trap 3ringing him 3a$k from #)eter into Aunt *ranter2s house+ and e)pe$ted a gentle s"mpath", not a sharp rage,
howe.er flatteringl" it was intended to resem3le his own feelings' /erhaps that was it8that she had not di.ined that a gentleman $ould ne.er re.eal the anger she as$ri3ed to him' ?ut there seemed to him something onl" too reminis$ent of the draper2s daughter in her during those first minutes+ of one who had 3een worsted in a 3usiness deal, and who la$ked a traditional impertur3a3ilit", that fine aristo$rati$ refusal to allow the set3a$ks of life e.er to ruffle one2s st"le' !e handed #rnestina 3a$k to the sofa from whi$h she had sprung' An essential reason for his $all, a de$ision he had $ome to on his long return, he now per$ei.ed must 3e left for dis$ussion on the morrow' !e sought for some wa" to demonstrate the $orre$t attitude+ and $ould find none 3etter than that of lightl" $hanging the su3Ce$t' 4And what great happenings ha.e taken pla$e in ("me toda"D5 As if reminded, #rnestina turned to her aunt' 4<id "ou get news of herD5 And then, 3efore Aunt *ranter $ould answer, she looked up at &harles, 4*here has 3een an e.ent' Mrs' /oultene" has dismissed Miss :oodruff'5 &harles felt his heart miss a 3eat' ?ut an" sho$k his fa$e ma" ha.e 3etra"ed passed unnoti$ed in Aunt *ranter2s eagerness to tell her news for that is wh" she had 3een a3sent when &harles arri.ed' *he dismissal had apparentl" taken pla$e the pre.ious e.ening+ the sinner had 3een allowed one last night under the roof of Marl3orough !ouse' Ger" earl" that same morning a porter had $ome to $olle$t her 3o)8 and had 3een instru$ted to take it to the :hite (ion' !ere &harles quite literall" 3lan$hed, 3ut Aunt *ranter alla"ed his fears in the .er" ne)t senten$e' 4*hat is the depot for the $oa$hes, "ou know'5 *he <or$hester to #)eter omni3uses did not des$end the steep hill to ("me, 3ut had to 3e pi$ked up at a $rossroads some four miles inland on the main road to the west' 4?ut Mrs' !unni$ott spoke to the man' !e is most positi.e that Miss :oodruff was not there' *he maid said she had left .er" earl" at dawn, and ga.e onl" the instru$tions as to her 3o)'5 4And sin$eD5 4>ot a sign'5 41ou saw the .i$arD5 4>o, 3ut Miss *rim3le assures me he went to Marl3orough !ouse this forenoon' !e was told Mrs' /oultene" was unwell' !e spoke to Mrs' 7airle"' All she knew was that some disgra$eful matter had $ome to Mrs' /oultene"2s knowledge, that she was deepl" sho$ked and upset '''5 *he good Mrs' *ranter 3roke off, apparentl" almost as distressed at her ignoran$e as at 6arah2s disappearan$e' 6he sought her nie$e2s and &harles2s e"es' 4:hat $an it 3e8what can it 3eD5
46he ought ne.er to ha.e 3een emplo"ed at Marl3orough !ouse' It was like offering a lam3 to a wolf'5 #rnestina looked at &harles for $onfirmation of her opinion' 7eeling far less $alm than he looked, he turned to Aunt *ranter' 4*here is no danger of '''5 4*hat is what we all fear' *he .i$ar has sent men to sear$h along towards &harmouth' 6he walks there, on the $liffs'5 4And the" ha.e '''D5 47ound nothing'5 4<id "ou not sa" she on$e worked for84 4*he" ha.e sent there' >o word of her'5 40rogan8has he not 3een $alled to Marl3orough !ouseD5 !e skillfull" made use of his introdu$tion of the name, turning to #rnestina' 4*hat e.ening when we took grog8he mentioned her' I know he is $on$erned for her situation'5 4Miss *rim3le saw him talking with the .i$ar at se.en o2$lo$k' 6he said he looked most agitated' Angr"' *hat was her word'5 Miss *rim3le kept a ladies2 trinket shop at the 3ottom of ?road 6treet8and was therefore admira3l" pla$ed to 3e the general information $enter of the town' Aunt *ranter2s gentle fa$e a$hie.ed the impossi3le8and looked harshl" se.ere' 4I shall not $all on Mrs' /oultene", howe.er ill she is'5 #rnestina $o.ered her fa$e in her hands' 4,h, what a $ruel da" it2s 3eenI5 &harles stared down at the two ladies' 4/erhaps I should $all on 0rogan'5 4,h &harles8what $an "ou doD *here are men enough to sear$h'5 *hat, of $ourse, had not 3een in &harles2s mind' !e guessed that 6arah2s dismissal was not un$onne$ted with her wanderings in the -nder$liff8and his horror, of $ourse, was that she might ha.e 3een seen there with him' !e stood in an agon" of inde$ision' It 3e$ame imperati.e to dis$o.er how mu$h was pu3li$l" known a3out the reason for her dismissal' !e suddenl" found the atmosphere of the little sitting room $laustropho3i$' !e had to 3e alone' !e had to $onsider what to do' 7or if 6arah was still li.ing83ut who $ould tell what wild de$ision she might ha.e made in her night of despair, while he was quietl" sleeping in his #)eter hotelD83ut if she still 3reathed, he guessed where she was+ and it oppressed him like a shroud that he was the onl" person in ("me to know' And "et dared not re.eal his knowledge' A few minutes later he was striding down the hill to the :hite (ion' *he air was mild, 3ut the sk" was o.er$ast' Idle fingers of wet air 3rushed his $heeks' *here was thunder in the offing, as in his heart'
25
, "oung lord;lo.er, what sighs are those, 7or one that will ne.er 3e thineD 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)
It was his immediate intention to send 6am with a message for the Irish do$tor' !e phrased it to himself as he walked8 4Mrs' *ranter is deepl" $on$erned5 ''' 4If an" e)pense should 3e in$urred in forming a sear$h part"5 ''' or 3etter, 4If I $an 3e of an" assistan$e, finan$ial or otherwise58 su$h senten$es floated through his head' !e $alled to the undeaf ostler as he entered the hotel to fet$h 6am out of the taproom and send him upstairs' ?ut he no sooner entered his sitting room when he re$ei.ed his third sho$k of that e.entful da"' A note la" on the round ta3le' It was sealed with 3la$k wa)' *he writing was unfamiliar 2r. *mithson- at the =hite 0ion. !e tore the folded sheet open' *here was no heading, no signature' I 3eg "ou to see me one last time' I will wait this afternoon and tomorrow morning' If "ou do not $ome, I shall ne.er trou3le "ou again' &harles read the note twi$e, three times+ then stared out at the dark air' !e felt infuriated that she should so $arelessl" risk his reputation+ relie.ed at this e.iden$e that she was still ali.e+ and outraged again at the threat impli$it in that last senten$e' 6am $ame into the room, wiping his mouth with his handker$hief, an unsu3tle hint that he had 3een interrupted at his supper' As his lun$h had $onsisted of a 3ottle of ginger 3eer and three stale A3erneth" 3is$uits, he ma" 3e forgi.en' ?ut he saw at a glan$e that his master was in no 3etter a mood than he had 3een e.er sin$e lea.ing :ins"att' 40o down and find out who left me this note'5 41es, Mr' &harles'5 6am left, 3ut he had not gone si) steps 3efore &harles was at the door' 4Ask whoe.er took it in to $ome up'5
41es, Mr' &harles'5 *he master went 3a$k into his room+ and there entered his mind a 3rief image of that an$ient disaster he had found re$orded in the 3lue lias and 3rought 3a$k to #rnestina8the ammonites $aught in some re$ession of water, a mi$ro;$atastrophe of ninet" million "ears ago' In a .i.id insight, a flash of 3la$k lightning, he saw that all life was parallel that e.olution was not .erti$al, as$ending to a perfe$tion, 3ut hori=ontal' *ime was the great falla$"+ e)isten$e was without histor", was alwa"s now, was alwa"s this 3eing $aught in the same fiendish ma$hine' All those painted s$reens ere$ted 3" man to shut out realit"8histor", religion, dut", so$ial position, all were illusions, mere opium fantasies' !e turned as 6am $ame through the door with the same ostler &harles had Cust spoken to' A 3o" had 3rought the note' At ten o2$lo$k that morning' *he ostler knew the 3o"2s fa$e, 3ut not his name' >o, he had not said who the sender was' &harles impatientl" dismissed him+ and then as impatientl" asked 6am what he found to stare at' 4:asn2t starin2 at nuffin2, Mr' &harles'5 4Ger" well' *ell them to send me up some supper' An"thing, an"thing'5 41es, Mr' &harles'5 4And I do not want to 3e distur3ed again' 1ou ma" la" out m" things now'5 6am went into the 3edroom ne)t to the sitting room, while &harles stood at the window' As he looked down, he saw in the light from the inn windows a small 3o" run up the far side of the street, then $ross the $o33les 3elow his own window and go out of sight' !e nearl" threw up the sash and $alled out, so sharp was his intuition that this was the messenger again' !e stood in a fe.er of em3arrassment' *here was a long enough pause for him to 3egin to 3elie.e that he was wrong' 6am appeared from the 3edroom and made his wa" to the door out' ?ut then there was a kno$k' 6am opened the door' It was the ostler, with the idiot smile on his fa$e of one who this time has made no mistake' In his hand was a note' 42*was the same 3o", sir' I asked Kun, sir' K# se= Ktwas the same woman as 3efore, sir, 3ut Ke doan2 know Ker name' -s all $alls Ker the84 41es, "es' 0i.e me the note'5 6am took it and passed it to &harles, 3ut with a $ertain dum3 insolen$e, a dr" knowingness 3eneath his mask of manser.itude' !e fli$ked his thum3 at the ostler and ga.e him a se$ret wink, and the ostler withdrew' 6am himself was a3out to follow, 3ut &harles $alled him 3a$k' !e paused, sear$hing for a suffi$ientl" deli$ate and plausi3le phrasing'
46am, I ha.e interested m"self in an unfortunate woman2s $ase here' I wished ''' that is, I still wish to keep the matter from Mrs' *ranter' 1ou understandD5 4/erfe$kl", Mr' &harles'5 4I hope to esta3lish the person in a situation more suited ''' to her a3ilities' *hen of $ourse I shall tell Mrs' *ranter' It is a little surprise' A little return for Mrs' *ranter2s hospitalit"' 6he is $on$erned for her'5 6am had assumed a demeanor that &harles termed to himself 46am the footman5+ a profoundl" respe$tful o3edien$e to his master2s 3ehests' It was so remote from 6am2s real $hara$ter that &harles was indu$ed to flounder on' 46o8though it is not important at all8"ou will speak of this to no one'5 4,2 $ourse not, Mr' &harles'5 6am looked as sho$ked as a $urate a$$used of gam3ling' &harles turned awa" to the window, re$ei.ed unawares a look from 6am that gained its $hief effe$t from a $urious swift pursing of the mouth a$$ompanied 3" a nod, and then opened the se$ond note as the door $losed on the ser.ant' 9e .ous ai attendu toute la Cournee' 9e .ous prie8une femme a genou) .ous supplie de l2aider dans son desespoir' 9e passerai la nuit en prieres pour .otre .enue' 9e serai des l2au3e a la petite grange pres de la mer atteinte par le premier sentier a gau$he apres la ferme' >o dou3t for la$k of wa), this note was unsealed, whi$h e)plained wh" it was $ou$hed in go.erness 7ren$h' It was written, s$ri33led, in pen$il, as if $omposed in haste at some $ottage door or in the -nder$liff8for &harles knew that that was where she must ha.e fled' *he 3o" no dou3t was some poor fisherman2s $hild from the &o338a path from the -nder$liff des$ended to it, o3.iating the ne$essit" of passing through the town itself' ?ut the foll" of the pro$edure, the riskI *he 7ren$hI GarguennesI &harles $rumpled the sheet of paper in his $len$hed hand' A distant flash of lightning announ$ed the approa$h of the storm+ and as he looked out of the window the first hea.", sullen drops splashed and streaked down the pane' !e wondered where she was+ and a .ision of her running sodden through the lightning and rain momentaril" distra$ted him from his own a$ute and self;dire$ted an)iet"' ?ut it was too mu$hI After su$h a da"I I am o.erdoing the e)$lamation marks' ?ut as &harles pa$ed up and
down, thoughts, rea$tions, rea$tions to rea$tions spurted up angril" thus in his mind' !e made himself stop at the 3a" window and stare out o.er ?road 6treet+ and promptl" remem3ered what she had said a3out thorn trees walking therein' !e span round and $lut$hed his temples+ then went into his 3edroom and peered at his fa$e in the mirror' ?ut he knew onl" too well he was awake' !e kept sa"ing to himself, I must do something, I must a$t' And a kind of anger at his weakness swept o.er him8a wild determination to make some gesture that would show he was more than an ammonite stranded in a drought, that he $ould strike out against the dark $louds that en.eloped him' !e must talk to someone, he must la" 3are his soul' !e strode 3a$k into his sitting room and pulled the little $hain that hung from the gasolier, turning the pale;green flame into a white in$andes$en$e, and then sharpl" tugged the 3ell$ord 3" the door' And when the old waiter $ame, &harles sent him peremptoril" off for a gill of the :hite (ion2s 3est $o33ler, a .el.et" $on$o$tion of sherr" and 3rand" that $aused man" a Gi$torian unloosing of the sta"s' >ot mu$h more than fi.e minutes later, the astonished 6am, 3earing the supper tra", was halted in midstairs 3" the sight of his master, with somewhat flushed $heeks, striding down to meet him in his In.erness $ape' &harles halted a stair a3o.e him, lifted the $loth that $o.ered the 3rown soup, the mutton and 3oiled potatoes, and then passed on down without a word' 4Mr' &harlesD5 4#at it "ourself'5 And the master was gone8in marked $ontrast to 6am, who sta"ed where he was, his tongue thrusting out his left $heek and his e"es fier$el" fi)ed on the 3anister 3eside him'
26
(et me tell "ou, m" friends, that the whole thing depends ,n an an$ient manorial right' 8(#:I6 &ARR,((, The #unting of the *nar5 (18BA)
*he effe$t of Mar" on the "oung &o$kne"2s mind had indeed 3een ruminati.e' !e lo.ed Mar" for herself, as an" normal "oung man in his health" ph"si$al senses would+ 3ut he also lo.ed her for the part she pla"ed in his dreams8whi$h was not at all the sort of part girls pla" in "oung men2s dreams in our own uninhi3ited, and unimaginati.e, age' Most often he saw her prettil" $aged 3ehind the $ounter of a gentleman2s shop' 7rom all o.er (ondon, as if magneti=ed, distinguished male $ustomers homed on that sedu$ti.e fa$e' *he street outside was 3la$k with their top hats, deafened 3" the wheels of their $arriages and hansoms' A kind of magi$al samo.ar, whose tap was administered 3" Mar", dispensed an endless flow of glo.es, s$ar.es, sto$ks, hats, gaiters, ,)onians (a kind of shoe then in .ogue) and $ollars8/i$$adill"2s, 6hakespere2s, <og;$ollar2s, <u)2s86am had a fi)ation on $ollars, I am not sure it wasn2t a fetish, for he $ertainl" saw Mar" putting them round her small white ne$k 3efore ea$h admiring duke and lord' <uring this $harming s$ene 6am himself was at the till, the re$ipient of the return golden shower' !e was well aware that this was a dream' ?ut Mar", so to speak, underlined the fa$t+ what is more, sharpened the hideous features of the demon that stood so squarel" in the wa" of its fulfillment' Its nameD 6hort; of;the;read"' /erhaps it was this u3iquitous enem" of humankind that 6am was still staring at in his master2s sitting room, where he had made himself $omforta3le8ha.ing first wat$hed &harles safel" out of sight down ?road 6treet, with "et another m"sterious pursing of the lips8as he to"ed with his se$ond supper a spoonful or two of soup, the $hoi$er hearts of the mutton sli$es, for 6am had all the instin$ts, if none of the finan$es, of a swell' ?ut now again he was staring into spa$e past a pie$e of mutton anointed with $aper sau$e, whi$h he held poised on his fork, though o3li.ious to its $harms' 2al (if I ma" add to "our sto$k of useless knowledge) is an ,ld #nglish 3orrowing from ,ld >orwegian and was 3rought to us 3" the Gikings' It originall" meant 4spee$h,5 3ut sin$e the onl" time the Gikings went in for that rather womanish a$ti.it" was to demand something at a)e3lade, it $ame to mean 4ta)5 or 4pa"ment in tri3ute'5 ,ne 3ran$h of the Gikings went south and founded the Mafia in, 6i$il"+ 3ut another8and 3" this time mal was spelled mail8were 3us" starting their own prote$tion ra$kets on the 6$ottish 3order' If one $herished one2s $rops or one2s daughter2s .irginit" one paid mail to the neigh3orhood $hieftains+ and the .i$tims, in the due $ourse of an e)pensi.e time, $alled it 3la$k mail'
If not e)a$tl" engaged in et"mologi$al spe$ulation, 6am was $ertainl" thinking of the meaning of the word+ for he had guessed at on$e who the 4unfortunate woman5 was' 6u$h an e.ent as the 7ren$h (ieutenant2s :oman2s dismissal was too su$$ulent an item not to ha.e passed through e.er" mouth in ("me in the $ourse of the da"+ and 6am had alread" o.erheard a $on.ersation in the taproom as he sat at his first and interrupted supper' !e knew who 6arah was, sin$e Mar" had mentioned her one da"' !e also knew his master and his manner+ he was not himself+ he was up to something+ he was on his wa" to somewhere other than Mrs' *ranter2s house' 6am laid down the fork and its morsel and 3egan to tap the side of his nose+ a gesture not unknown in the ring at >ewmarket, when a 3ow;legged man smells a rat masquerading as a ra$ehorse' ?ut the rat here, I am afraid, was 6am8and what he smelled was a sinking ship' <ownstairs at :ins"att the" knew .er" well what was going on+ the un$le was out to spite the nephew' :ith the rural working $lass2s innate respe$t for good hus3andr" the" despised &harles for not .isiting more often 8in short, for not 3uttering up 6ir Ro3ert at e.er" opportunit"' 6er.ants in those da"s were regarded as little more than furniture, and their masters frequentl" forgot the" had 3oth ears and intelligen$es+ $ertain a3rasi.e e)$hanges 3etween the old man and his heir had not gone unnoti$ed and undis$ussed' And though there was a disposition among the "ounger female staff to feel sorr" for the handsome &harles, the sager part took a kind of ant2s;e"e .iew of the fri.olous grasshopper and his $ome;uppan$e' *he" had worked all their li.es for their wages+ and the" were glad to see &harles punished for his la=iness' ?esides, Mrs' *omkins, who was .er" mu$h as #rnestina suspe$ted, an upper;middle;$lass ad.enturess, had shrewdl" gone out of her wa" to ingratiate herself with the housekeeper and the 3utler+ and those two worthies had set their imprimatur8or ducatur in matrimonium8upon the plump and effusi.e widow+ who furthermore had, upon 3eing shown a long; unused suite in the 3efore;mentioned east wing, remarked to the housekeeper how e)$ellent a nurser" the rooms would make' It was true that Mrs' *omkins had a son and two daughters 3" her first marriage+ 3ut in the housekeeper2s opinion8gra$iousl" e)tended to Mr' ?enson, the 3utler8 Mrs' *omkins was as good as e)pe$ting again' 4It $ould 3e daughters, Mrs' *rotter'5 46he2s a trier, Mr' ?enson' 1ou mark m" words' 6he2s a trier'5 *he 3utler sipped his dish of tea, then added, 4And tips well'5 :hi$h &harles, as one of the famil", did not' *he general su3stan$e of all this had $ome to 6am2s ears, while he
waited down in the ser.ants2 hall for &harles' It had not $ome pleasantl" in itself or pleasantl" inasmu$h as 6am, as the ser.ant of the grasshopper, had to share part of the general Cudgment on him+ and all this was not altogether un$onne$ted with a kind of se$ond string 6am had alwa"s kept for his 3ow a faute de mieu! dream in whi$h he saw himself in the same e)alted position at :ins"att that Mr' ?enson now held' !e had e.en $asuall" planted this seed8 and one prett" $ertain to germinate, if he $hose8in Mar"2s mind' It was not ni$e to see one2s tender seedling, e.en if it was not the most $herished, so sa.agel" uprooted' &harles himself, when the" left :ins"att, had not said a word to 6am, so offi$iall" 6am knew nothing a3out his 3la$kened hopes' ?ut his master2s 3la$kened fa$e was as good as knowledge' And now this' 6am at last ate his $ongealing mutton, and $hewed it, and swallowed it+ and all the time his e"es stared into the future' &harles2s inter.iew with his un$le had not 3een storm", sin$e 3oth felt guilt"8the un$le for what he was doing, the nephew for what he had failed to do in the past' &harles2s rea$tion to the news, deli.ered 3luntl" 3ut with telltale a.erted e"es, had 3een, after the first i$" sho$k, stiffl" polite' 4I $an onl" $ongratulate "ou, sir, and wish "ou e.er" happiness'5 !is un$le, who had $ome upon him soon after we left &harles in the drawing room, turned awa" to a window, as if to gain heart from his green a$res' !e ga.e a 3rief a$$ount of his passion' !e had 3een reCe$ted at first that was three weeks ago' ?ut he was not the man to turn tail at the first refusal' !e had sensed a $ertain inde$ision in the lad"2s .oi$e' A week 3efore he had taken train to (ondon and 4galloped straight in again5+ the o3stinate hedge was triumphantl" $leared' 46he said Kno2 again, &harles, 3ut she was weeping' I knew I was o.er'5 It had apparentl" taken two or three da"s more for the definiti.e 41es5 to 3e spoken' 4And then, m" dear 3o", I knew I had to fa$e "ou' 1ou are the .er" first to 3e told'5 ?ut &harles remem3ered then that pit"ing look from old Mrs' !awkins+ all :ins"att had the news 3" now' !is un$le2s somewhat $hoked narration of his amorous saga had gi.en him time to a3sor3 the sho$k' !e felt whipped and humiliated+ a world less' ?ut he had onl" one defense to take it $alml", to show the stoi$ and hide the raging 3o"' 4I appre$iate "our pun$tiliousness, -n$le'5 41ou ha.e e.er" right to $all me a doting old fool' Most of m" neigh3ors will'5
4(ate $hoi$es are often the 3est'5 46he2s a li.el" sort of woman, &harles' >ot one of "our damned nimin"; pimin" modern misses'5 7or one sharp moment &harles thought this was a slight on #rnestina8as it was, 3ut not intended' !is un$le went o3li.iousl" on' 46he sa"s what she thinks' >owada"s some people $onsider that signifies a woman2s a thruster' ?ut she2s not'5 !e enlisted the agreement of his parkland' 46traight as a good elm'5 4I ne.er for a moment supposed she $ould 3e an"thing else'5 *he un$le $ast a shrewd look at him then+ Cust as 6am pla"ed the meek footman with &harles, so did &harles sometimes pla" the respe$tful nephew with the old man' 4I would rather "ou were angr" than '''5 he was going to sa" a $old fish, 3ut he $ame and put his arm round &harles2s shoulder+ for he had tried to Custif" his de$ision 3" working up anger against &harles8and he was too good a sportsman not to know it was a mean Custifi$ation' 4&harles, now damn it, it must 3e said' *his 3rings an alteration to "our prospe$ts' *hough at m" age, hea.en knows '''5 that 43ullfin$h5 he did refuse' 4?ut if it should happen, &harles, I wish "ou to know that whate.er ma" $ome of the marriage, "ou will not go unpro.ided for' I $an2t gi.e "ou the (ittle !ouse+ 3ut I wish emphati$all" that "ou take it as "ours for as long as "ou li.e' I should like that to 3e m" wedding gift to #rnestina and "ourself8and the e)penses of doing the pla$e up properl", of $ourse'5 4*hat is most generous of "ou' ?ut I think we ha.e more or less de$ided to go into the ?elgra.ia house when the lease falls in'5 41es, "es, 3ut "ou must ha.e a pla$e in the $ountr"' I will not ha.e this 3usiness $oming 3etween us, &harles' I shall 3reak it off tomorrow if84 &harles managed a smile' 4>ow "ou are 3eing a3surd' 1ou might well ha.e married man" "ears ago'5 4*hat ma" 3e' ?ut the fa$t is I didn2t'5 !e went ner.ousl" to the wall and pla$ed a pi$ture 3a$k into alignment' &harles was silent+ perhaps he felt less hurt at the sho$k of the news than at the thought of all his foolish dream of possession as he dro.e up to :ins"att' And the old de.il should ha.e written' ?ut to the old de.il that would ha.e 3een a $owardi$e' !e turned from the painting' 4&harles, "ou2re a "oung fellow, "ou spend half "our life tra.eling a3out' 1ou don2t know how deu$ed lonel", 3ored, I don2t know what it is, 3ut half the time I feel I might as well 3e dead'5 &harles murmured, 4I had no idea ' ''5 4>o, no, I don2t mean to a$$use "ou' 1ou ha.e "our own life to lead'5 ?ut he did still, se$retl", like so man" men without $hildren, 3lame &harles
for falling short of what he imagined all sons to 3e8dutiful and lo.ing to a degree ten minutes2 real fatherhood would ha.e made him see was a sentimental dream' 4All the same there are things onl" a woman $an 3ring one' *he old hangings in this room, now' !ad "ou noti$edD Mrs' *omkins $alled them gloom" one da"' And damn it, I2m 3lind, the" were gloom"' >ow that2s what a woman does' Makes "ou see what2s in front of "our nose'5 &harles felt tempted to suggest that spe$ta$les performed the same fun$tion a great deal more $heapl", 3ut he merel" 3owed his head in understanding' 6ir Ro3ert rather un$tuousl" wa.ed his hand' 4:hat sa" "ou to these new onesD5 &harles then had to grin' !is un$le2s aestheti$ Cudgments had 3een $onfined for so long to matters su$h as the depth of a horse2s withers and the superiorit" of 9oe Manton o.er an" other gunmaker known to histor" that it was rather like hearing a murderer ask his opinion of a nurser" rh"me' 4A great impro.ement'5 49ust so' #.er"one sa"s the same'5 &harles 3it his lip' 4And when am I going to meet the lad"D5 4Indeed, I was $oming to that' 6he is most an)ious to get to know "ou' And &harles, most deli$ate in the matter of ''' well, the ''' how shall I put itD5 4(imitations of m" prospe$tsD5 49ust so' 6he $onfessed last week she first refused me for that .er" reason'5 *his was, &harles reali=ed, supposed to 3e a $ommendation, and he showed a polite surprise' 4?ut I assured her "ou had made an e)$ellent mat$h' And would understand and appro.e m" $hoi$e of partner ' ' ' for m" last "ears'5 41ou ha.en2t "et answered m" question, -n$le'5 6ir Ro3ert looked a little ashamed' 46he is .isiting famil" in 1orkshire' 6he is related to the <au3en"s, "ou know'5 4Indeed'5 4I go to Coin her there tomorrow'5 4Ah'5 4And I thought it 3est to get it o.er man to man' ?ut she is most an)ious to meet "ou'5 !is un$le hesitated, then with a ludi$rous sh"ness rea$hed in his waist$oat po$ket and produ$ed a lo$ket' 46he ga.e me this last week'5 And &harles stared at a miniature, framed in gold and his un$le2s hea." fingers, of Mrs' ?ella *omkins' 6he looked disagreea3l" "oung+ firm;lipped+ and with asserti.e e"es8not at all unattra$ti.e, e.en to &harles' *here was, $uriousl", some faint resem3lan$e to 6arah in the fa$e+ and a su3tle new dimension was added to &harles2s sense of humiliation and dispossession' 6arah was a woman of profound ine)perien$e, and this was a woman of the
world+ 3ut 3oth in their .er" different wa"s8his un$le was right8stood apart from the great nimin";pimin" flo$k of women in general' 7or a moment he felt himself like a general in $ommand of a weak arm" looking o.er the strong dispositions of the enem"+ he foresaw onl" too $learl" the result of a $onfrontation 3etween #rnestina and the future (ad" 6mithson' It would 3e a rout' 4I see I ha.e further reason to $ongratulate "ou'5 46he2s a fine woman' A splendid woman' :orth waiting for, &harles'5 !is un$le dug him in the ri3s' 41ou2ll 3e Cealous' 9ust see if "ou won2t'5 !e ga=ed fondl" again at the lo$ket, then $losed it re.erentiall" and repla$ed it in his po$ket' And then, as if to $ountera$t the soft sop, he 3riskl" made &harles a$$ompan" him to the sta3les to see his latest 3rood mare, 3ought for 4a hundred guineas less than she was worth5+ and whi$h seemed a totall" un$ons$ious 3ut distin$t equine parallel in his mind to his other new a$quisition' *he" were 3oth #nglish gentlemen+ and the" $arefull" a.oided further dis$ussion of, if not further referen$e to (for 6ir Ro3ert was too irrepressi3l" full of his own good lu$k not to keep on harking 3a$k), the su3Ce$t uppermost in 3oth their minds' ?ut &harles insisted that he must return to ("me and his fian$ee that e.ening+ and his un$le, who in former da"s would, at su$h a desertion, ha.e sunk into a 3la$k gloom, made no great demur now' &harles promised to dis$uss the matter of the (ittle !ouse with #rnestina, and to 3ring her to meet the other 3ride;to;3e as soon as $ould 3e $on.enientl" arranged' ?ut all his un$le2s last;minute warmth and hand; shaking $ould not disguise the fa$t that the old man was relie.ed to see the 3a$k of him' /ride had 3uo"ed &harles up through the three or four hours of his .isit+ 3ut his dri.ing awa" was a sad 3usiness' *hose lawns, pastures, railings, lands$aped gro.es seemed to slip through his fingers as the" slipped slowl" past his e"es' !e felt he ne.er wanted to see :ins"att again' *he morning2s a=ure sk" was o.er$ast 3" a high .eil of $irrus, har3inger of that thunderstorm we ha.e alread" heard in ("me, and his mind soon 3egan to plummet into a similar $limate of morose introspe$tion' *his latter was dire$ted not a little against #rnestina' !e knew his un$le had not 3een .er" impressed 3" her fastidious little (ondon wa"s+ her almost total la$k of interest in rural life' *o a man who had de.oted so mu$h of his life to 3reeding she must ha.e seemed a poor new entr" to su$h fine sto$k as the 6mithsons' And then one of the 3onds 3etween un$le and nephew had alwa"s 3een their 3a$helorhood8 perhaps &harles2s happiness had opened 6ir Ro3ert2s e"es a little if he, wh" not ID And then there was the one thing
a3out #rnestina his un$le had thoroughl" appro.ed of her massi.e marriage portion' ?ut that was pre$isel" what allowed him to e)propriate &harles with a light $ons$ien$e' ?ut a3o.e all, &harles now felt himself in a .er" displeasing position of inferiorit" as regards #rnestina' !is in$ome from his father2s estate had alwa"s 3een suffi$ient for his needs+ 3ut he had not in$reased the $apital' As the future master of :ins"att he $ould regard himself as his 3ride2s finan$ial equal+ as a mere rentier he must 3e$ome her finan$ial dependent' In disliking this, &harles was 3eing a good deal more fastidious than most "oung men of his $lass and age' *o them dowr";hunting (and a3out this time, dollars 3egan to 3e as a$$epta3le as sterling) was as honora3le a pursuit as fo);hunting or gaming' /erhaps that was it he felt sorr" for himself and "et knew .er" few would share his feeling' It e.en e)a$er3ated his resentment that $ir$umstan$es had not made his un$le2s inCusti$e e.en greater if he had spent more time at :ins"att, sa", or if he had ne.er met #rnestina in the first pla$e ''' ?ut it was #rnestina, and the need on$e again to show the stiff upper lip, that was the first thing to draw him out of his miser" that da"'
27
!ow often I sit, poring o2er M" strange distorted "outh, 6eeking in .ain, in all m" store, ,ne feeling 3ased on truth+ ' ' ' 6o $onstant as m" heart would 3e, 6o fi$kle as it must, K*were well for others and for me K*were dr" as summer dust' #)$itements $ome, and a$t and spee$h 7low freel" forth 83ut no, >or the", nor aught 3eside $an rea$h *he 3uried world 3elow' 8A' !' &(,-0!, /oem (184F)
*he door was opened 3" the housekeeper' *he do$tor, it seemed, was in his dispensar"+ 3ut if &harles would like to wait upstairs ''' so, di.ested of his hat and his In.erness $ape he soon found himself in that same room where he had drunk the grog and de$lared himself for <arwin' A fire 3urned in the grate+ and e.iden$e of the do$tor2s solitar" supper, whi$h the housekeeper hastened to $lear, la" on the round ta3le in the 3a" window o.erlooking the sea' &harles .er" soon heard feet on the stairs' 0rogan $ame warml" into the room, hand e)tended' 4*his is a pleasure, 6mithson' *hat stupid woman now8 has she not gi.en "ou something to $ountera$t the rainD5 4*hank "ou '''5 he was going to refuse the 3rand" de$anter, 3ut $hanged his mind' And when he had the glass in his hand, he $ame straight out with his purpose' 4I ha.e something pri.ate and .er" personal to dis$uss' I need "our ad.i$e'5 A little glint showed in the do$tor2s e"es then' !e had had other well; 3red "oung men $ome to him shortl" 3efore their marriage' 6ometimes it was gonorrhea, less often s"philis+ sometimes it was mere fear, mastur3ation pho3ia+ a widespread theor" of the time maintained that the wages of self; a3use was impoten$e' ?ut usuall" it was ignoran$e+ onl" a "ear 3efore a misera3le and $hildless "oung hus3and had $ome to see <r' 0rogan, who had had gra.el" to e)plain that new life is neither 3egotten nor 3orn through the na.el' 4<o "ou nowD :ell I2m not sure I ha.e an" left8I2.e gi.en a .ast amount of it awa" toda"' Mainl" $on$erning what should 3e e)e$uted upon that damned old 3igot up in Marl3orough !ouse' 1ou2.e heard what she2s doneD5 4*hat is pre$isel" what I wish to talk to "ou a3out'5 *he do$tor 3reathed a little inward sigh of relief+ and he on$e again Cumped to the wrong $on$lusion' 4Ah, of $ourse8Mrs' *ranter is worriedD *ell her from me that all is 3eing done that $an 3e done' A part" is out sear$hing' I ha.e offered fi.e pounds to the man who 3rings her 3a$k '''5 his .oi$e went 3itter 4''' or finds the poor $reature2s 3od"'5 46he is ali.e' I2.e Cust re$ei.ed a note from her'5 &harles looked down 3efore the do$tor2s ama=ed look' And then, at first addressing his 3rand" glass, he 3egan to tell the truth of his en$ounters with 6arah8that is, almost all the truth, for he left undes$ri3ed his own more se$ret feelings, !e managed, or tried, to pass some of the 3lame off on <r' 0rogan and their pre.ious $on.ersation+ gi.ing himself a sort of s$ientifi$
status that the shrewd little man opposite did not fail to note' ,ld do$tors and old priests share one thing in $ommon the" get a long nose for de$eit, whether it is o.ert or, as in &harles2s $ase, $ommitted out of em3arrassment' As he went on with his $onfession, the end of <r' 0rogan2s nose 3egan metaphori$all" to twit$h+ and this in.isi3le twit$hing signified .er" mu$h the same as 6am2s pursing of his lips' *he do$tor let no sign of his suspi$ions appear' >ow and then he asked questions, 3ut in general he let &harles talk his in$reasingl" lame wa" to the end of his stor"' *hen he stood up' 4:ell, first things first' :e must get those poor de.ils 3a$k'5 *he thunder was now mu$h $loser and though the $urtains had 3een drawn, the white shi.er of lightning trem3led often in their wea.e 3ehind &harles2s 3a$k' 4I $ame as soon as I $ould'5 41es, "ou are not to 3lame for that' >ow let me see '''5 *he do$tor was alread" seated at a small desk in the rear of the room' 7or a few moments there was no sound in it 3ut the rapid s$rat$h of his pen' *hen he read what he had written to &harles' 42<ear 7ors"th, >ews has this minute rea$hed me that Miss :oodruff is safe' 6he does not wish her wherea3outs dis$losed, 3ut "ou ma" set "our mind at rest' I hope to ha.e further news of her tomorrow' /lease offer the en$losed to the part" of sear$hers when the" return' K:ill that doD5 4#)$ellentl"' #)$ept that the en$losure must 3e mine'5 &harles produ$ed a small em3roidered purse, #rnestina2s work, and set three so.ereigns on the green $loth desk 3eside 0rogan, who pushed two awa"' !e looked up with a smile' 4Mr' 7ors"th is tr"ing to a3olish the demon al$ohol' I think one pie$e of gold is enough'5 !e pla$ed the note and the $oin in an en.elope, sealed it, and then went to arrange for the letter2s speed" deli.er"' !e $ame 3a$k, talking' 4>ow the girl8what2s to 3e done a3out herD 1ou ha.e no notion where she is at the momentD5 4>one at all' *hough I am sure she will 3e where she indi$ated tomorrow morning'5 4?ut of $ourse "ou $annot 3e there' In "our situation "ou $annot risk an" further $ompromise'5 &harles looked at him, then down at the $arpet' 4I am in "our hands'5 *he do$tor stared thoughtfull" at &harles' !e had Cust set a little test to pro3e his guest2s mind' And it had re.ealed what he had e)pe$ted' !e turned and went to the 3ookshel.es 3" his desk and then $ame 3a$k with the same
.olume he had shown &harles 3efore <arwin2s great work' !e sat 3efore him a$ross the fire+ then with a small smile and a look at &harles o.er his glasses, he laid his hand, as if swearing on a ?i3le on The )rigin of *pecies. 4>othing that has 3een said in this room or that remains to 3e said shall go 3e"ond its walls'5 *hen he put the 3ook aside' 4M" dear <o$tor, that was not ne$essar"'5 4&onfiden$e in the pra$titioner is half of medi$ine'5 &harles smiled wanl"' 4And the other halfD5 4&onfiden$e in the patient'5 ?ut he stood 3efore &harles $ould speak' 4:ell now8"ou $ame for m" ad.i$e, did "ou notD5 !e e"ed &harles almost as if he was going to 3o) with him+ no longer the 3antering, 3ut the fighting Irishman' *hen he 3egan to pa$e his 4$a3in,5 his hands tu$ked under his fro$k $oat' 4I am a "oung woman of superior intelligen$e and some edu$ation' I think the world has done 3adl" 3" me' I am not in full $ommand of m" emotions' I do foolish things, su$h as throwing m"self at the head of the first handsome ras$al who is put in m" path' :hat is worse, I ha.e fallen in lo.e with 3eing a .i$tim of fate' I put out a .er" professional line in the wa" of looking melan$hol"' I ha.e tragi$ e"es' I weep without e)planation' #t $etera' #t $etera' And now'''5 the little do$tor wa.ed his hand at the door, as if in.oking magi$ 4'''enter a "oung god' Intelligent' 0ood;looking' A perfe$t spe$imen of that $lass m" edu$ation has taught me to admire' I see he is interested in me' *he sadder I seem, the more interested he appears to 3e' I kneel 3efore him, he raises me to m" feet' !e treats me like a lad"' >a", more than that' In a spirit of &hristian 3rotherhood he offers to help me es$ape from m" unhapp" lot'5 &harles made to interrupt, 3ut the do$tor silen$ed him' 4>ow I am .er" poor' I $an use none of the wiles the more fortunate of m" se) emplo" to lure mankind into their power'5 !e raised his forefinger' 4I ha.e 3ut one weapon' *he pit" I inspire in this kindhearted man' >ow pit" is a thing that takes a de.il of a lot of feeding' I ha.e fed this 0ood 6amaritan m" past and he has de.oured it' 6o what $an I doD I must make him pit" m" present' ,ne da", when I am walking where I ha.e 3een for3idden to walk, I sei=e m" $han$e' I show m"self to someone I know will report m" $rime to the one person who will not $ondone it' I get m"self dismissed from m" position' I disappear, under the strong presumption that it is in order to throw m"self off the nearest $lifftop' And then, in e!tremis and de profundis8or rather de altis8I $r" to m" sa.ior for help'5 !e left a long pause then, and &harles2s e"es slowl" met his' *he do$tor smiled, 4I present what is partl" h"pothesis, of $ourse'5
4?ut "our spe$ifi$ a$$usation8that she in.ited her own'''5 *he do$tor sat and poked the fire into life' 4I was $alled earl" this morning to Marl3orough !ouse' I did not know wh"8merel" that Mrs' /' was se.erel" indisposed' Mrs' 7airle"8the housekeeper, "ou know8told me the gist of what had happened'5 !e paused and fi)ed &harles2s unhapp" e"es' 4Mrs' 7airle" was "esterda" at the dair" out there on :are &lee.es' *he girl walked flagrantl" out of the woods under her nose' >ow that woman is a .er" fair mat$h to her mistress, and I2m sure she did her su3sequent dut" with all the mean appetite of her kind' ?ut I am $on.in$ed, m" dear 6mithson, that she was deli3eratel" in.ited to do it'5 41ou mean '''5 *he do$tor nodded' &harles ga.e him a terri3le look, then re.olted' 4I $annot 3elie.e it' It is not possi3le she should84 !e did not finish the senten$e' *he do$tor murmured, 4It is possi3le' Alas'5 4?ut onl" a person of '''5 he was going to sa" 4warped mind,5 3ut he stood a3ruptl" and went to the window, parted the $urtains, stared a 3lind moment out into the teeming night' A li.id flash of sheet lightning lit the &o33, the 3ea$h, the torpid sea' !e turned' 4In other words, I ha.e 3een led 3" the nose'5 41es, I think "ou ha.e' ?ut it required a generous nose' And "ou must remem3er that a deranged mind is not a $riminal mind' In this $ase "ou must think of despair as a disease, no more or less' *hat girl, 6mithson, has a $holera, a t"phus of the intelle$tual fa$ulties' 1ou must think of her like that' >ot as some mali$ious s$hemer'5 &harles $ame 3a$k into the room' 4And what do "ou suppose her final intention to 3eD5 4I .er" mu$h dou3t if she knows' 6he li.es from da" to da"' Indeed she must' >o one of foresight $ould ha.e 3eha.ed as she has'5 4?ut she $annot seriousl" ha.e supposed that someone in m" position '''5 4As a man who is 3etrothedD5 *he do$tor smiled griml"' 4I ha.e known man" prostitutes' I hasten to add in pursuan$e of m" own profession, not theirs' And I wish I had a guinea for e.er" one I ha.e heard gloat o.er the fa$t that a maCorit" of their .i$tims are hus3ands and fathers'5 !e stared into the fire, into his past' 4 KI am $ast out' ?ut I shall 3e re.enged'25 41ou make her sound like a fiend8she is not so'5 !e had spoken too .ehementl", and turned qui$kl" awa"' 4I $annot 3elie.e this of her'5 4*hat, if "ou will permit a man old enough to 3e "our father to sa" so, is 3e$ause "ou are half in lo.e with her'5
&harles spun round and stared at the do$tor2s 3land fa$e' 4I do not permit "ou to sa" that'5 0rogan 3owed his head' In the silen$e, &harles added, 4It is highl" insulting to Miss 7reeman'5 4It is indeed' ?ut who is making the insultD5 &harles swallowed' !e $ould not 3ear these qui==i$al e"es, and he started down the long, narrow room as if to go' ?ut 3efore he $ould rea$h the door, 0rogan had him 3" the arm and made him turn, and sei=ed the other arm8and he was fier$e, a terrier at &harles2s dignit"' 4Man, man, are we not 3oth 3elie.ers in s$ien$eD <o we not 3oth hold that truth is the one great prin$ipleD :hat did 6o$rates die forD A keeping so$ial fa$eD A homage to de$orumD <o "ou think in m" fort" "ears as a do$tor I ha.e not learned to tell when a man is in distressD And 3e$ause he is hiding the truth from himselfD Hnow th"self, 6mithson, 5now th"selfI5 *he mi)ture of an$ient 0reek and 0aeli$ fire in 0rogan2s soul seared &harles' !e stood staring down at the do$tor, then looked aside, and returned to the fireside, his 3a$k to his tormentor' *here was a long silen$e' 0rogan wat$hed him intentl"' At last &harles spoke' 4I am not made for marriage' M" misfortune is to ha.e reali=ed it too late'5 4!a.e "ou read MalthusD5 &harles shook his head' 47or him the traged" of #omo sapiens is that the least fit to sur.i.e 3reed the most' 6o don2t sa" "ou aren2t made for marriage, m" 3o"' And don2t 3lame "ourself for falling for that girl' I think I know wh" that 7ren$h sailor ran awa"' !e knew she had e"es a man $ould drown in'5 &harles swi.eled round in agon"' 4,n m" most sa$red honor, nothing improper has passed 3etween us' 1ou must 3elie.e that'5 4I 3elie.e "ou' ?ut let me put "ou through the old $ate$hism' <o "ou wish to hear herD <o "ou wish to see herD <o "ou wish to tou$h herD5 &harles turned awa" again and sank into the $hair, his fa$e in his hands' It was no answer, "et it said e.er"thing' After a moment, he raised his fa$e and stared into the fire' 4,h m" dear 0rogan, if "ou knew the mess m" life was in ''' the waste of it ''' the uselessness of it' I ha.e no moral purpose, no real sense of dut" to an"thing' It seems onl" a few months ago that I was twent";one8full of hopes'''all disappointed' And now to get entangled in this misera3le 3usiness'''5 0rogan mo.ed 3eside him and gripped his shoulder' 41ou are not the first man to dou3t his $hoi$e of 3ride'5 46he understands so little of what I reall" am'5 46he is8whatD8a do=en "ears "ounger than "ourselfD And she
has known "ou not si) months' !ow $ould she understand "ou as "etD 6he is hardl" out of the s$hoolroom'5 &harles nodded gloomil"' !e $ould not tell the do$tor his real $on.i$tion a3out #rnestina that she would ne.er understand him' !e felt fatall" disa3used of his own intelligen$e' It had let him down in his $hoi$e of a life partner+ for like so man" Gi$torian, and perhaps more re$ent, men &harles was to li.e all his life under the influen$e of the ideal' *here are some men who are $onsoled 3" the idea that there are women less attra$ti.e than their wi.es+ and others who are haunted 3" the knowledge that there are more attra$ti.e' &harles now saw onl" too well whi$h $ategor" he 3elonged to' !e murmured, 4It is not her fault' It $annot 3e'5 4I should think not' A prett" "oung inno$ent girl like that'5 4I shall honor m" .ows to her'5 4,f $ourse'5 A silen$e' 4*ell me what to do'5 47irst tell me "our real sentiments as regards the other'5 &harles looked up in despair+ then down to the fire, and tried at last to tell the truth' 4I $annot sa", 0rogan' In all that relates to her, I am an enigma to m"self' I do not lo.e her' !ow $ould ID A woman so $ompromised, a woman "ou tell me is mentall" diseased' ?ut ''' it is as if ''' I feel like a man possessed against his will8against all that is 3etter in his $hara$ter' #.en now her fa$e rises 3efore me, den"ing all "ou sa"' *here is something in her' A knowledge, an apprehension of no3ler things than are $ompati3le with either e.il or madness' ?eneath the dross ''' I $annot e)plain'5 4I did not la" e.il at her door' ?ut despair'5 >o sound, 3ut a floor3oard or two that $reaked as the do$tor pa$ed' At last &harles spoke again' 4:hat do "ou ad.iseD5 4*hat "ou lea.e matters entirel" in m" hands'5 41ou will go to see herD5 4I shall put on m" walking 3oots' I shall tell her "ou ha.e 3een une)pe$tedl" $alled awa"' And "ou must go awa", 6mithson'5 4It so happens I ha.e urgent 3usiness in (ondon'5 46o mu$h the 3etter' And I suggest that 3efore "ou go "ou la" the whole matter 3efore Miss 7reeman'5 4I had alread" de$ided upon that'5 &harles got to his feet' ?ut still that fa$e rose 3efore him' 4And she8what will "ou doD5 4Mu$h depends upon her state of mind' It ma" well 3e that all that keeps
her sane at the present Cun$ture is her 3elief that "ou feel s"mpath"8 perhaps something sweeter8 for her' *he sho$k of "our not appearing ma", I fear, produ$e a gra.er melan$holia' I am afraid we must anti$ipate that'5 &harles looked down' 41ou are not to 3lame that upon "ourself' If it had not 3een "ou, it would ha.e 3een some other' In a wa", su$h a state of affairs will make things easier' I shall know what $ourse to take'5 &harles stared at the $arpet' 4An as"lum'5 4*hat $olleague I mentioned8he shares m" .iews on the treatment of su$h $ases' :e shall do our 3est' 1ou would 3e prepared for a $ertain amount of e)penseD5 4An"thing to 3e rid of her8without harm to her'5 4I know a pri.ate as"lum in #)eter' M" friend 6pen$er has patients there' It is $ondu$ted in an intelligent and enlightened manner' I should not re$ommend a pu3li$ institution at this stage'5 4!ea.en for3id' I ha.e heard terri3le a$$ounts of them'5 4Rest assured' *his pla$e is a model of its kind'5 4:e are not talking of $ommittalD5 7or there had arisen in &harles2s mind a little ghost of trea$her" to dis$uss her so $lini$all", to think of her lo$ked in some small room''' 4>ot at all' :e are talking of a pla$e where her spiritual wounds $an heal, where she will 3e kindl" treated, kept o$$upied8and will ha.e the 3enefit of 6pen$er2s e)$ellent e)perien$e and $are' !e has had similar $ases' !e knows what to do'5 &harles hesitated, then stood and held out his hand' In his present state he needed orders and pres$riptions, and as soon as he had them, he felt 3etter' 4I feel "ou ha.e sa.ed m" life'5 4>onsense, m" dear fellow'5 4>o, it is not nonsense' I shall 3e in de3t to "ou for the rest of m" da"s'5 4*hen let me ins$ri3e the name of "our 3ride on the 3ill of $redit'5 4I shall honor the de3t'5 4And gi.e the $harming $reature time' *he 3est wines take the longest to mature, do the" notD5 4I fear that in m" own $ase the same is true of a .er" inferior .intage'5 4?ah' /opp"$o$k'5 *he do$tor $lapped him on the shoulder' 4And 3" the 3"e, I think "ou read 7ren$hD5 &harles ga.e a surprised assent' 0rogan sought through his shel.es, found a 3ook, and then marked a passage in it with a pen$il 3efore passing it to his guest' 41ou need not read the whole trial' ?ut I should like "ou to read this
medi$al e.iden$e that was 3rought 3" the defense'5 &harles stared at the .olume' 4A purgeD5 *he little do$tor had a gnomi$ smile' 46omething of the kind'5
28
Assumptions, hast", $rude, and .ain, 7ull oft to use will 6$ien$e deign+ *he $orks the no.i$e plies toda" *he swimmer soon shall $ast awa"' 8A' !' &(,-0!, /oem (184F) Again I spring to make m" $hoi$e+ Again in tones of ire I hear a 0od2s tremendous .oi$e8 4?e $ounsel2d, and retireI5 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 4*he (ake5 (18EP)
*he trial of (ieutenant #mile de (a Ron$iere in 18PE is ps"$hiatri$all" one of the most interesting of earl" nineteenth;$entur" $ases' *he son of the martinet &ount de (a Ron$iere, #mile was e.identl" a rather fri.olous8he had a mistress and got 3adl" into de3t8"et not unusual "oung man for his $ountr", period and profession' In 18P4 he was atta$hed to the famous $a.alr" s$hool at 6aumur in the (oire .alle"' !is $ommanding offi$er was the ?aron de Morell, who had a highl" strung daughter of si)teen, named Marie' In those da"s $ommanding offi$ers2 houses ser.ed in garrison as a kind of mess for their su3ordinates' ,ne e.ening the ?aron, as stiffne$ked as #mile2s father, 3ut a good deal more influential, $alled the lieutenant up to him and, in the presen$e of his 3rother offi$ers and se.eral ladies, furiousl" ordered him to lea.e the house' *he ne)t da" (a Ron$iere was presented with a .i$ious series of poison;pen letters threatening the Morell famil"' All displa"ed an un$ann" knowledge of the most intimate details of the life of
the household, and all8the first a3surd flaw in the prose$ution $ase8were signed with the lieutenant2s initials' :orse was to $ome' ,n the night of 6eptem3er L4th, 18P4, Marie2s #nglish go.erness, a Miss Allen, was woken 3" her si)teen;"ear;old $harge, who told in tears how (a Ron$iere, in full uniform, had Cust for$ed his wa" through the window into her adCa$ent 3edroom, 3olted the door, made o3s$ene threats, stru$k her a$ross the 3reasts and 3itten her hand, then for$ed her to raise her night;$hemise and wounded her in the upper thigh' !e had then es$aped 3" the wa" he had $ome' *he .er" ne)t morning another lieutenant supposedl" fa.ored 3" Marie de Morell re$ei.ed a highl" insulting letter, again apparentl" from (a Ron$iere' A duel was fought' (a Ron$iere won, 3ut the se.erel" wounded ad.ersar" and his se$ond refused to $on$ede the falsit" of the poison;pen $harge' *he" threatened (a Ron$iere that his father would 3e told if he did not sign a $onfession of guilt+ on$e that was done, the matter would 3e 3uried' After a night of agoni=ed inde$ision, (a Ron$iere foolishl" agreed to sign' !e then asked for lea.e and went to /aris, in the 3elief that the affair would 3e hushed up' ?ut signed letters $ontinued to appear in the Morells2 house' 6ome $laimed that Marie was pregnant, others that her parents would soon 3oth 3e murdered, and so on' *he ?aron had had enough' (a Ron$iere was arrested' *he num3er of $ir$umstan$es in the a$$used2s fa.or was so large that we $an hardl" 3elie.e toda" that he should ha.e 3een 3rought to trial, let alone $on.i$ted' *o 3egin with, it was $ommon knowledge in 6aumur that Marie had 3een piqued 3" (a Ron$iere2s o3.ious admiration for her handsome mother, of whom the daughter was e)tremel" en.ious' *hen the Morell mansion was surrounded 3" sentries on the night of the attempted rape+ not one had noti$ed an"thing untoward, e.en though the 3edroom $on$erned was on the top floor and rea$ha3le onl" 3" a ladder it would ha.e required at least three men to $arr" and 4mount58therefore a ladder that would ha.e left tra$es in the soft soil 3eneath the window ''' and the defense esta3lished that there had 3een none' 7urthermore, the gla=ier 3rought in to mend the pane 3roken 3" the intruder testified that all the 3roken glass had fallen outside the house and that it was in an" $ase impossi3le to rea$h the window $at$h through the small aperture made' *hen the defense asked wh" during the assault Marie had ne.er on$e $ried for help+ wh" the light;sleeping Miss Allen had not 3een woken 3" the s$uffling+ wh" she and Marie then went ac5 to sleep without waking Madame de Morell, who slept through the whole in$ident on the floor 3elow+ wh" the thigh wound was not e)amined
until months after the in$ident (and was then pronoun$ed to 3e a light s$rat$h, now full" healed)+ wh" Marie went to a 3all onl" two e.enings later and led a perfe$tl" normal life until the arrest was finall" made8when she promptl" had a ner.ous 3reakdown (again, the defense showed that it was far from the first in her "oung life)+ how the letters $ould still appear in the house, e.en when the penniless (a Ron$iere was in Cail awaiting trial+ wh" an" poison;pen letter;writer in his senses should not onl" not disguise his writing (whi$h was easil" $opia3le) 3ut sign his name+ wh" the letters showed an a$$ura$" of spelling and grammar (students of 7ren$h will 3e pleased to know that (a Ron$iere in.aria3l" forgot to make his past parti$iples agree) $onspi$uousl" a3sent from genuine $orresponden$e produ$ed for $omparison+ wh" twi$e he e.en failed to spell his own name $orre$tl"+ wh" the in$riminating letters appeared to 3e written on paper8the greatest $ontemporar" authorit" witnessed as mu$h8 identi$al to a sheaf found in Marie2s es$ritoire' :h" and wh" and wh", in short' As a final dou3t, the defense also pointed out that a similar series of letters had 3een found pre.iousl" in the Morells2 /aris house, and at a time when (a Ron$iere was on the other side of the world, doing ser.i$e in &a"enne' ?ut the ultimate inCusti$e at the trial (attended 3" !ugo, ?al=a$ and 0eorge 6and among man" other $ele3rities) was the $ourt2s refusal to allow an" $ross;e)amination of the prose$ution2s prin$ipal witness Marie de Morell' 6he ga.e her e.iden$e in a $ool and $omposed manner+ 3ut the pres; ident of the $ourt, under the $annon;mu==le e"es of the ?aron and an imposing phalan) of distinguished relations, de$ided that her 4modest"5 and her 4weak ner.ous state5 for3ade further interrogation' (a Ron$iere was found guilt" and senten$ed to ten "ears2 imprisonment' Almost e.er" eminent Curist in #urope protested, 3ut in .ain' :e $an see wh" he was $ondemned, or rather, 3" what he was $ondemned 3" so$ial prestige, 3" the m"th of the pure;minded .irgin, 3" ps"$hologi$al ignoran$e, 3" a so$iet" in full rea$tion from the perni$ious notions of freedom disseminated 3" the 7ren$h Re.olution' ?ut now let me translate the pages that the do$tor had marked' *he" $ome from the ) servations 2edico;psychologi<ues of a <r' Harl Matthaei, a well;known 0erman ph"si$ian of his time, written in support of an a3orti.e appeal against the (a Ron$iere .erdi$t' Matthaei had alread" had the intelligen$e to write down the dates on whi$h the more o3s$ene letters, $ulminating in the attempted rape, had o$$urred' *he" fell into a $lear monthl"8or menstrual8 pattern' After anal"=ing the e.iden$e 3rought 3efore the $ourt, the !err <oktor pro$eeds, in a somewhat moralisti$ tone, to e)plain the mental illness we toda" $all h"steria8the assumption, that is, of
s"mptoms of disease or disa3ilit" in order to gain the attention and s"mpath" of others a neurosis or ps"$hosis almost in.aria3l" $aused, as we now know, 3" se)ual repression' If I glan$e 3a$k o.er m" long $areer as a do$tor, I re$all man" in$idents of whi$h girls ha.e 3een the heroines, although their parti$ipation seemed for long impossi3le ' ' ' 6ome fort" "ears ago, I had among m" patients the famil" of a lieutenant;general of $a.alr"' !e had a small propert" some si) miles from the town where he was in garrison, and he li.ed there, riding into town when his duties $alled' !e had an e)$eptionall" prett" daughter of si)teen "ears2 age' 6he wished fer.entl" that her father li.ed in the town' !er e)a$t reasons were ne.er dis$o.ered, 3ut no dou3t she wished to ha.e the $ompan" of the offi$ers and the pleasures of so$iet" there' *o get her wa", she $hose a highl" $riminal pro$edure she set fire to the $ountr" home' A wing of it was 3urned to the ground' It was re3uilt' >ew attempts at arson were made and one da" on$e again part of the house went up in flames' >o less than thirt" attempts at arson were $ommitted su3sequentl"' !owe.er nearl" one $ame upon the arsonist, his identit" was ne.er dis$o.ered' Man" people were apprehended and interrogated' *he one person who was ne.er suspe$ted was that 3eautiful "oung inno$ent daughter' 6e.eral "ears passed+ and then finall" she was $aught in the a$t+ and $ondemned to life imprisonment in a house of $orre$tion' In a large 0erman $it", a $harming "oung girl of a distinguished famil" found her pleasure in sending anon"mous letters whose purpose was to 3reak up a re$ent happ" marriage' 6he also spread .i$ious s$andals $on$erning another "oung lad", widel" admired for her talents and therefore an o3Ce$t of en."' *hese letters $ontinued for se.eral "ears' >o shadow of suspi$ion fell on the authoress, though man" other people were a$$used' At last she ga.e herself awa", and was a$$used, and $onfessed to her $rime ''' 6he ser.ed a long senten$e in prison for her e.il' Again, at the .er" time and in this .er" pla$e where I write,M the poli$e are in.estigating a similar affair ' ' '
NM !ano.er, 18PA'O
It ma" 3e o3Ce$ted that Marie de Morell would not ha.e infli$ted pain on herself to attain her ends' ?ut her suffering was .er" slight $ompared to that in other $ases from the annals of medi$ine' !ere are some .er" remarka3le instan$es' /rofessor !erholdt of &openhagen knew an attra$ti.e "oung woman of e)$ellent edu$ation and well;to;do parents' !e, like man" of his $olleagues,
was $ompletel" de$ei.ed 3" her' 6he applied the greatest skill and perse.eran$e to her de$eits, and o.er a $ourse of se.eral "ears' 6he e.en tortured herself in the most atro$ious manner' 6he plunged some hundreds of needles into the flesh of .arious parts of her 3od" and when inflammation or suppuration had set in she had them remo.ed 3" in$ision' 6he refused to urinate and had her urine remo.ed ea$h morning 3" means of a $atheter' 6he herself introdu$ed air into her 3ladder, whi$h es$aped when the instrument was inserted' 7or a "ear and a half she rested dum3 and without mo.ement, refused food, pretended spasms, fainting fits, and so on' ?efore her tri$ks were dis$o.ered, se.eral famous do$tors, some from a3road, e)amined her and were horror;stru$k to see su$h suffering' !er unhapp" stor" was in all the newspapers, and no one dou3ted the authenti$it" of her $ase' 7inall", in 18LA, the truth was dis$o.ered' *he sole moti.es of this $le.er fraud ,cette adroite trompeuse' were to 3e$ome an o3Ce$t of admiration and astonishment to men, and to make a fool of the most learned, famous and per$epti.e of them' *he histor" of this $ase, so important from the ps"$hologi$al point of .iew, ma" 3e found in !erholdt 7otes on the illness of 9achel #ert/ etween 18FB and 18LA' At (une3urg, a mother and daughter hit on a s$heme whose aim was to draw a lu$rati.e s"mpath" upon themsel.es8a s$heme the" pursued to the end with an appalling determination' *he daughter $omplained of un3eara3le pain in one 3reast, lamented and wept, sought the help of the professions, tried all their remedies' *he pain $ontinued+ a $an$er was suspe$ted' 6he herself ele$ted without hesitation to ha.e the 3reast e)tirpated+ it was found to 3e perfe$tl" health"' 6ome "ears later, when s"mpath" for her had lessened, she took up her old role' *he other 3reast was remo.ed, and was found to 3e as health" as the first' :hen on$e again s"mpath" 3egan to dr" up, she $omplained of pain in the hand' 6he wanted that too to 3e amputated' ?ut suspi$ion was aroused' 6he was sent to hospital, a$$used of false pretenses, and finall" dispat$hed to prison' (entin, in his *upplement to a practical 5nowledge of medicine (!ano.er, 1BJ8) tells this stor", of whi$h he was a witness' 7rom a girl of no great age were drawn, 3" the medium of for$eps after pre.ious in$ision of the 3ladder and its ne$k, no less than one hundred and four stones in ten months' *he girl herself introdu$ed the stones into her 3ladder, e.en though the su3sequent operations $aused her great loss of 3lood and atro$ious pain' ?efore this, she had had .omiting, $on.ulsions and .iolent s"mptoms of man" kinds' 6he showed a rare skill in her de$eptions' After su$h e)amples, whi$h it would 3e eas" to e)tend, who would sa" that it is impossi3le for a girl, in order to attain a desired end, to infli$t pain
upon herselfDM
NM I $annot lea.e the stor" of (a Ron$iere8whi$h I ha.e taken from the same 18PE a$$ount that <r' 0rogan handed &harles8without adding that in 1848, some "ears after the lieutenant had finished his time, one of the original prose$uting $ounsel had the 3elated honest" to suspe$t that he had helped pro$ure a gross mis$arriage of Custi$e' !e was 3" then in a position to ha.e the $ase reopened' (a Ron$ifere was $ompletel" e)onerated and reha3ilitated' !e resumed his militar" $areer and might, at that .er" hour &harles was reading the 3la$k $lima) of his life, ha.e 3een found leading a pleasant enough e)isten$e as militar" go.ernor of *ahiti' ?ut his stor" has an e)traordinar" final twist' ,nl" quite re$entl" has it 3e$ome known that he at least partl" deser.ed the h"steri$al Mile de Morell2s re.enge on him' !e had indeed entered her 3edroom on that 6eptem3er night of 18P4+ 3ut not through the window' !a.ing earlier sedu$ed the go.erness Miss Allen ,perfide Al ion>'- he made a mu$h simpler entr" from her adCoining 3edroom' *he purpose of his .isit was not amator", 3ut in fulfillment of a 3et he had made with some 3rother offi$ers, to whom he had 3oasted of ha.ing slept with Marie' !e was $hallenged to produ$e proof in the form of a lo$k of hair83ut not from the girl2s head' *he wound in Marie2s thigh was $aused 3" a pair of s$issors+ and the wound to her self;esteem 3e$omes a good deal more e)pli$a3le' An e)$ellent dis$ussion of this 3i=arre $ase ma" 3e found in Rene 7loriot, 0es Erreurs Judiciaires- /aris, 1JA8'O
*hose latter pages were the first &harles read' *he" $ame as a 3rutal sho$k to him, for he had no idea that su$h per.ersions e)isted8and in the pure and sa$red se)' >or, of $ourse, $ould he see mental illness of the h"steri$ kind for what it is a pitia3le stri.ing for lo.e and se$urit"' !e turned to the 3eginning of the a$$ount of the trial and soon found himself drawn fatall" on into that' I need hardl" sa" that he identified himself almost at on$e with the misera3le #mile de (a Ron$iere+ and towards the end of the trial he $ame upon a date that sent a shi.er down his spine' *he da" that other 7ren$h lieutenant was $ondemned was the .er" same da" that &harles had $ome into the world' 7or a moment, in that silent <orset night, reason and s$ien$e dissol.ed+ life was a dark ma$hine, a sinister astrolog", a .erdi$t at 3irth and without appeal, a =ero o.er all' !e had ne.er felt less free' And he had ne.er felt less sleep"' !e looked at his wat$h' It la$ked ten minutes of four o2$lo$k' All was pea$e now outside' *he storm had passed' &harles opened a window and 3reathed in the $old 3ut $lean spring air' 6tars twinkled faintl" o.erhead, inno$entl", dis$laiming influen$e, either sinister or 3enefi$ent' And where was sheD Awake also, a mile or two awa", in some dark woodland darkness' *he effe$ts of the $o33ler and 0rogan2s 3rand" had long worn off, lea.ing &harles onl" with a profound sense of guilt' !e thought he re$alled a mali$e in the Irish do$tor2s e"es, a storing;up of this fatuous (ondon gentleman2s trou3les that would soon 3e whispered and retailed all o.er
("me' :as it not notorious that his ra$e $ould not keep a se$retD !ow puerile, how undignified his 3eha.ior had 3eenI !e had lost not onl" :ins"att that pre.ious da", 3ut all his self;respe$t' #.en that last phrase was a tautolog"+ he had, quite simpl", lost respe$t for e.er"thing he knew' (ife was a pit in ?edlam' ?ehind the most inno$ent fa$es lurked the .ilest iniquities' !e was 6ir 0alahad shown 0uine.ere to 3e a whore' *o stop the futile 3rooding8if onl" he $ould act>8he pi$ked up the fatal 3ook and read again some of the passages in Matthaei2s paper on h"steria' !e saw fewer parallels now with 6arah2s $ondu$t' !is guilt 3egan to atta$h itself to its proper o3Ce$t' !e tried to re$olle$t her fa$e, things she had said, the e)pression in her e"es as she had said them+ 3ut he $ould not grasp her' 1et it $ame to him that he knew her 3etter, perhaps, than an" other human 3eing did' *hat a$$ount of their meetings he had gi.en 0rogan ' ' ' that he $ould remem3er, and almost word for word' !ad he not, in his an)iet" to hide his own real feelings, misled 0roganD #)aggerated her strangenessD >ot honestl" passed on what she had a$tuall" saidD !ad he not $ondemned her to a.oid $ondemning himselfD #ndlessl" he pa$ed his sitting room, sear$hing his soul and his hurt pride' 6uppose she was what she had represented herself to 3e8a sinner, $ertainl", 3ut also a woman of e)$eptional $ourage, refusing to turn her 3a$k on her sinD And now finall" weakened in her terri3le 3attle with her past and $r"ing for helpD :h" had he allowed 0rogan to Cudge her for himD ?e$ause he was more $on$erned to sa.e appearan$es than his own soul' ?e$ause he had no more free will than an ammonite' ?e$ause he was a /ontius /ilate, a worse than he, not onl" $ondoning the $ru$ifi)ion 3ut en$ouraging, na", e.en $ausing8did not all spring from that se$ond meeting, when she had wanted to lea.e, 3ut had had dis$ussion of her situation for$ed upon herD8the e.ents that now led to its e)e$ution' !e opened the window again' *wo hours had passed sin$e he had first done so' >ow a faint light spread from the east' !e stared up at the paling stars' <estin"' *hose e"es' A3ruptl" he turned' If he met 0rogan, he met him' !is $ons$ien$e must e)plain his diso3edien$e' !e went into his 3edroom' And there, with an outward sour gra.it" refle$ting the inward, self;awed and inde$iphera3le determination he had $ome to, he 3egan to $hange his $lothes'
29
7or a 3ree=e of morning mo.es, And the planet of (o.e is on high ' ' '
8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)

It is a part of spe$ial pruden$e ne.er to do an"thing 3e$ause one has an in$lination to do it+ 3ut 3e$ause it is one2s dut", or is reasona3le' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 7ote oo5s (18A8)
*he sun was Cust redl" lea.ing the insu3stantial do.e;gra" wa.es of the hills 3ehind the &hesil ?ank when &harles, not dressed in the $lothes 3ut with all the fa$ial e)pression of an undertaker2s mute, left the doors of the :hite (ion' *he sk" was without $loud, washed pure 3" the pre.ious night2s storm and of a deli$iousl" tender and ethereal 3lue+ the air as sharp as lemon;Cui$e, "et as $lean and $leansing' If "ou get up at su$h an hour in ("me toda" "ou will ha.e the town to "ourself' &harles, in that earlier;rising age, was not quite so fortunate+ 3ut the people who were a3out had that pleasant la$k of so$ial pretension, that prime.al $lasslessness of dawn population simple people setting a3out their da"2s work' ,ne or two 3ade &harles a $heer" greeting+ and got .er" peremptor" nods and $urt raisings of the ashplant in return' !e would rather ha.e seen a few s"m3oli$ $orpses littering the streets than those 3right fa$es+ and he was glad when he left the town 3ehind him and entered the lane to the -nder$liff' ?ut his gloom (and a self;suspi$ion I ha.e $on$ealed, that his de$ision was reall" 3ased more on the old sheepstealer2s adage, on a dangerous despair, than on the no3ler mo.ings of his $ons$ien$e) had an e.en poorer time of it there+ the qui$k walking sent a flood of warmth through him, a warmth from inside $omplemented 3" the warmth from without 3rought 3" the sun2s ra"s' It seemed strangel" distin$t, this undefiled dawn sun' It had almost a smell, as of warm stone, a sharp dust of photons streaming down through spa$e' #a$h grass;3lade was pearled with .apor' ,n the slopes a3o.e his path the trunks of the ashes and s"$amores, a hone" gold in the o3lique sunlight, ere$ted their dew" green .aults of "oung lea.es+ there was
something m"steriousl" religious a3out them, 3ut of a religion 3efore religion+ a druid 3alm, a green sweetness o.er all ''' and su$h an infinit" of greens, some almost 3la$k in the further re$esses of the foliage+ from the most intense emerald to the palest pomona' A fo) $rossed his path and strangel" for a moment stared, as if &harles was the intruder+ and then a little later, with an un$ann" similarit", with the same di.ine assumption of possession, a roe deer looked up from its 3rowsing+ and stared in its small maCest" 3efore quietl" turning tail and slipping awa" into the thi$kets' *here is a painting 3" /isanello in the >ational 0aller" that $at$hes e)a$tl" su$h a moment 6t' !u3ert in an earl" Renaissan$e forest, $onfronted 3" 3irds and 3easts' *he saint is sho$ked, almost as if the .i$tim of a pra$ti$al Coke, all his arrogan$e dowsed 3" a sudden dren$h of >ature2s profound;est se$ret the uni.ersal parit" of e)isten$e' It was not onl" these two animals that seemed fraught with signifi$an$e' *he trees were dense with singing 3irds;3la$k$aps, whitethroats, thrushes, 3la$k3irds, the $ooing of woodpigeons, filling that windless dawn with the serenit" of e.ening+ "et without an" of its sadness, its elegai$ qualit"' &harles felt himself walking through the pages of a 3estiar", and one of su$h 3eaut", su$h minute distin$tness, that e.er" leaf in it, ea$h small 3ird, ea$h song it uttered, $ame from a perfe$t world' !e stopped a moment, so stru$k was he 3" this sense of an e)quisitel" parti$ular uni.erse, in whi$h ea$h was appointed, ea$h unique' A tin" wren per$hed on top of a 3ram3le not ten feet from him and trilled its .iolent song' !e saw its glittering 3la$k e"es, the red and "ellow of its song;gaped throat8a midget 3all of feathers that "et managed to make itself the Announ$ing Angel of e.olution I am what I am, thou shall not pass m" 3eing now' !e stood as /isanello2s saint stood, astonished perhaps more at his own astonishment at this world2s e)isting so $lose, so within rea$h of all that suffo$ating 3analit" of ordinar" da"' In those few moments of defiant song, an" ordinar" hour or pla$e8and therefore the .ast infinit" of all &harles2s pre.ious hours and pla$es8 seemed .ulgari=ed, $oarsened, made garish' *he appalling ennui of human realit" la" $left to the $ore+ and the heart of all life pulsed there in the wren2s triumphant throat' It seemed to announ$e a far deeper and stranger realit" than the pseudo; (innaean one that &harles had sensed on the 3ea$h that earlier morning8 perhaps nothing more original than a priorit" of e)isten$e o.er death, of the indi.idual o.er the spe$ies, of e$olog" o.er $lassifi$ation' :e take su$h priorities for granted toda"+ and we $annot imagine the hostile impli$ations to &harles of the o3s$ure message the wren was announ$ing' 7or it was less a profounder realit" he seemed to see than uni.ersal $haos, looming 3ehind
the fragile stru$ture of human order' *here was a more immediate 3itterness in this natural eu$harist, sin$e &harles felt in all wa"s e)$ommuni$ated' !e was shut out, all paradise lost' Again, he was like 6arah8he $ould stand here in #den, 3ut not enCo" it, and onl" en." the wren its e$stas"' !e took the path formerl" used 3" 6arah, whi$h kept him out of sight of the <air"' It was well that he did, sin$e the sound of a pail 3eing $lattered warned him that the dair"man or his wife was up and a3out' 6o he $ame into the woods and went on his wa" with due earnestness' 6ome paranoia$ trans; feren$e of guilt now made him feel that the trees, the flowers, e.en the inanimate things around him were wat$hing him' 7lowers 3e$ame e"es, stones had ears, the trunks of the repro.ing trees were a num3erless 0reek $horus' !e $ame to where the path forked, and took the left 3ran$h' It ran down through dense undergrowth and o.er in$reasingl" 3roken terrain, for here the land was 3eginning to erode' *he sea $ame $loser, a milk" 3lue and infinitel" $alm' ?ut the land le.eled out a little o.er it, where a $hain of small meadows had 3een won from the wilderness+ a hundred "ards or so to the west of the last of these meadows, in a small gulle" that e.entuall" ran down to the $liff;edge, &harles saw the that$hed roof of a 3arn' *he that$h was moss" and dereli$t, whi$h added to the alread" forlorn appearan$e of the little stone 3uilding, nearer a hut than its name would suggest' ,riginall" it had 3een some gra=ier2s summer dwelling+ now it was used 3" the dair"man for storing ha"+ toda" it is gone without tra$e, so 3adl" has this land deteriorated during the last hundred "ears' &harles stood and stared down at it' !e had e)pe$ted to see the figure of a woman there, and it made him e.en more ner.ous that the pla$e seemed so deserted' !e walked down towards it, 3ut rather like a man going through a Cungle renowned for its tigers' !e e)pe$ted to 3e poun$ed on+ and he was far from sure of his skill with his gun' *here was an old door, $losed' &harles walked round the little 3uilding' *o the east, a small square window+ he peered through it into the shadows, and the faint must";sweet smell of old ha" $rept up his nostrils' !e $ould see the 3eginning of a pile of it at the end of the 3arn opposite the door' !e walked round the other walls' 6he was not there' !e stared 3a$k the wa" he had $ome, thinking that he must ha.e pre$eded her' ?ut the rough land la" still in the earl" morning pea$e' !e hesitated, took out his wat$h, and waited two or three minutes more, at a loss what to do' 7inall" he pushed open the door of the 3arn'
!e made out a rough stone floor, and at the far end two or three 3roken stalls, filled with the ha" that was still to 3e used' ?ut it was diffi$ult to see that far end, sin$e sunlight lan$ed 3rilliantl" in through the small window' &harles ad.an$ed to the slanting 3ar of light+ and then stopped with a sudden dread' ?e"ond the light he $ould make out something hanging from a nail in an old stallpost a 3la$k 3onnet' /erhaps 3e$ause of his reading the pre.ious night he had an i$" premonition that some ghastl" sight la" 3elow the parti; tion of worm;eaten planks 3e"ond the 3onnet, whi$h hung like an ominousl" slaked .ampire o.er what he $ould not "et see' I do not know what he e)pe$ted some atro$ious mutilation, a $orpse ''' he nearl" turned and ran out of the 3arn and 3a$k to ("me' ?ut the ghost of a sound drew him forward' !e $raned fearfull" o.er the partition'
30
?ut the more these $ons$ious illusions of the ruling $lasses are shown to 3e false and the less the" satisf" $ommon sense, the more dogmati$all" the" are asserted and the more de$eitful, morali=ing and spiritual 3e$omes the language of esta3lished so$iet"' 82A9?- %erman 1deology (184E;184A)
6arah had, of $ourse, arri.ed home8though 4home5 is a sar$asm in the $ir$umstan$es83efore Mrs' 7airle"' 6he had pla"ed her usual part in Mrs' /oultene"2s e.ening de.otions+ and she had then retired to her own room for a few minutes' Mrs' 7airle" sei=ed her $han$e+ and the few minutes were all she needed' 6he $ame herself and kno$ked on the door of 6arah2s 3edroom' 6arah opened it' 6he had her usual mask of resigned sadness, 3ut Mrs' 7airle" was 3rimming with triumph' 4*he mistress is waiting' At on$e, if "ou please'5 6arah looked down and nodded faintl"' Mrs' 7airle" thrust a look, sardoni$ and as sour as .erCui$e, at that meek head, and rustled .enomousl" awa"' 6he did not go downstairs howe.er, 3ut waited around a $orner until she heard the door of Mrs' /oultene"2s drawing room open and $lose on the
se$retar";$ompanion' *hen she stole silentl" to the door and listened' Mrs' /oultene" was not, for on$e, esta3lished on her throne+ 3ut stood at the window, pla$ing all her eloquen$e in her 3a$k' 41ou wish to speak to meD5 ?ut Mrs' /oultene" apparentl" did not, for she neither mo.ed nor uttered a sound' /erhaps it was the omission of her $ustomar" title of 4madam5 that silen$ed her+ there was a something in 6arah2s tone that made it $lear the omission was deli3erate' 6arah looked from the 3la$k 3a$k to an o$$asional ta3le that la" 3etween the two women' An en.elope la" $onspi$uousl" on it' *he minutest tightening of her lips8into a determination or a resentment, it was hard to sa" whi$h8was her onl" rea$tion to this free=ing maCest", who if the truth 3e known was slightl" at a loss for the 3est wa" of $rushing this serpent she had so regretta3l" taken to her 3osom' Mrs' /oultene" ele$ted at last for one 3low of the a)e' 4A month2s wages are in that pa$ket' 1ou will take it in lieu of noti$e' 1ou will depart this house at "our earliest $on.enien$e tomorrow morning'5 6arah now had the effronter" to use Mrs' /oultene"2s weapon in return' 6he neither mo.ed nor answered+ until that lad", outraged, deigned to turn and show her white fa$e, upon whi$h 3urnt two pink spots of repressed emotion' 4<id "ou not hear me, missD5 4Am I not to 3e told wh"D5 4<o "ou dare to 3e impertinentI5 4I dare to ask to know wh" I am dismissed'5 4I shall write to Mr' 7ors"th' I shall see that "ou are lo$ked awa"' 1ou are a pu3li$ s$andal'5 *his impetuous dis$harge had some effe$t' *wo spots 3egan to 3urn in 6arah2s $heeks as well' *here was a silen$e, a .isi3le swelling of the alread" swollen 3osom of Mrs' /oultene"' 4I command "ou to lea.e this room at on$e'5 4Ger" well' 6in$e all I ha.e e.er e)perien$ed in it is h"po$ris", I shall do so with the greatest pleasure'5 :ith this /arthian shaft 6arah turned to go' ?ut Mrs' /oultene" was one of those a$tresses who $annot 3ear not to ha.e the last line of the s$ene+ or perhaps I do her an inCusti$e, and she was attempting, howe.er unlikel" it might seem from her tone of .oi$e, to do a $harit"' 4*ake "our wagesI5 6arah turned on her, and shook her head' 41ou ma" keep them' And if it is possi3le with so small a sum of mone", I suggest "ou pur$hase some instrument of torture' I am sure Mrs' 7airle" will 3e pleased to help "ou use
it upon all those wret$hed enough to $ome under "our power'5 7or an a3surd moment Mrs' /oultene" looked like 6am that is, she stood with her grim purse of a mouth wide open' 41ou ''' shall''' answer ''' for ''' that'5 4?efore 0odD Are "ou so sure "ou will ha.e !is ear in the world to $omeD5 7or the first tune in their relationship, 6arah smiled at Mrs' /oultene" a .er" small 3ut a knowing, and a telling, smile' 7or a few moments the mistress stared in$redulousl" at her8indeed almost patheti$all" at her, as if 6arah was 6atan himself $ome to $laim his own' *hen with a $ra3like $lut$hing and motion she found her wa" to her $hair and $ollapsed into it in a not altogether simulated swoon' 6arah stared at her a few moments, then .er" unfairl"8to one named 7airle"8took three or four swift steps to the door and opened it' *he hastil" ere$t housekeeper stood there with alarm, as if she thought 6arah might spring at her' ?ut 6arah stood aside and indi$ated the gasping, throat;$lut$hing Mrs' /oultene", whi$h ga.e Mrs' 7airle" her $han$e to go to her aid' 41ou wi$ked 9e=e3el8"ou ha.e murdered herI5 6arah did not answer' 6he wat$hed a few more moments as Mrs' 7airle" administered sal .olatile to her mistress, then turned and went to her room' 6he went to her mirror, 3ut did not look at herself+ she slowl" $o.ered her fa$e with her hands, and then .er" slowl" raised her e"es from the fingers' :hat she saw she $ould not 3ear' *wo moments later she was kneeling 3" her 3ed and weeping silentl" into the worn $o.er' 6he should rather ha.e pra"edD ?ut she 3elie.ed she was pra"ing'
31
:hen panting sighs the 3osom fill, And hands 3" $han$e united thrill At on$e with one deli$ious pain *he pulses and the ner.es of twain+ :hen e"es that erst $ould meet with ease, <o seek, "et, seeking, sh"l" shun #$stati$ $ons$ious unison,8
*he sure 3eginnings, sa", 3e these, /relusi.e to the strain of lo.e :hi$h angels sing in hea.en a3o.eD ,r is it 3ut the .ulgar tune, :hi$h all that 3reathe 3eneath the moon 6o a$$uratel" learn8so soonD 8A' !' &(,-0!, /oem (1844)
And now she was sleeping' *hat was the disgra$eful sight that met &harles2s e"es as he finall" steeled himself to look o.er the partition' 6he la" $urled up like a small girl under her old $oat, her feet drawn up from the night2s $old, her head turned from him and resting on a dark;green /aisle" s$arf+ as if to preser.e her one great Cewel, her loosened hair, from the ha"seed 3eneath' In that stillness her light, e.en 3reathing was 3oth .isi3le and audi3le+ and for a moment that she should 3e sleeping there so pea$efull" seemed as wi$ked a $rime as an" &harles had e)pe$ted' 1et there rose in him, and ine)tinguisha3l", a desire to prote$t' 6o sharpl" it $ame upon him, he tore his e"es awa" and turned, sho$ked at this proof of the do$tor2s a$$usation, for he knew his instin$t was to kneel 3eside her and $omfort her ' ' ' worse, sin$e the dark pri.a$" of the 3arn, the girl2s posture, suggested irresisti3l" a 3edroom' !e felt his heart 3eating as if he had run a mile' *he tiger was in him, not in her' A moment passed and then he retra$ed his steps silentl" 3ut qui$kl" to the door' !e looked 3a$k, he was a3out to go+ and then he heard his own .oi$e sa" her name' !e had not intended it to speak' 1et it spoke' 4Miss :oodruff'5 >o answer' !e said her name again, a little louder, more himself, now that the dark depths had surged safel" past' *here was a tin" mo.ement, a faint rustle+ and then her head appeared, almost $omi$all", as she knelt hastil" up and peeped o.er the partition' !e had a .ague impression, through the motes, of sho$k and disma"' 4,h forgi.e me, forgi.e me '''5 *he head 3o33ed down out of sight' !e withdrew into the sunlight outside' *wo herring gulls flew o.er, s$reaming rau$ousl"' &harles mo.ed out of sight of the fields nearer the <air"' 0rogan, he did not fear+ or e)pe$t "et' ?ut the pla$e was too open+ the dair"man might $ome for ha" ' ' ' though wh" he should when his fields were green with spring grass &harles
was too ner.ous to $onsider' 4Mr' 6mithsonD5 !e mo.ed round 3a$k to the door, Cust in time to pre.ent her from $alling, this time more an)iousl", his name again' *he" stood some ten feet apart, 6arah in the door, &harles 3" the $orner of the 3uilding' 6he had performed a hurried toilet, put on her $oat, and held her s$arf in her hand as if she had used it for a 3rush' !er e"es were trou3led, 3ut her features were still softened 3" sleep, though flushed at the rude awakening' *here was a wildness a3out her' >ot the wildness of luna$" or h"steria8 3ut that same wildness &harles had sensed in the wren2s singing ''' a wildness of inno$en$e, almost an eagerness' And Cust as the sharp de$lension of that dawn walk had so $onfounded8and $ompounded8his earnest auto3iographi$al gloom, so did that intensel" immediate fa$e $onfound and $ompound all the $lini$al horrors 3red in &harles2s mind 3" the worth" do$tors Matthaei and 0rogan' In spite of !egel, the Gi$torians were not a diale$ti$all" minded age+ the" did not think naturall" in opposites, of positi.es and negati.es as aspe$ts of the same whole' /arado)es trou3led rather than pleased them' *he" were not the people for e)istentialist moments, 3ut for $hains of $ause and effe$t+ for positi.e all;e)plaining theories, $arefull" studied and studiousl" applied' *he" were 3us" ere$ting, of $ourse+ and we ha.e 3een 3us" demolishing for so long that now ere$tion seems as ephemeral an a$ti.it" as 3u33le;3lowing' 6o &harles was ine)pli$a3le to himself' !e managed a .er" un$on.in$ing smile' 4Ma" we not 3e o3ser.ed hereD5 6he followed his glan$e towards the hidden <air"' 4It is A)minster market' As soon as he has milked he will 3e gone'5 ?ut she mo.ed 3a$k inside the 3arn' !e followed her in, and the" stood, still well apart, 6arah with her 3a$k to him' 41ou ha.e passed the night hereD5 6he nodded' *here was a silen$e' 4Are "ou not hungr"D5 6arah shook her head+ and silen$e flowed 3a$k again' ?ut this time she 3roke it herself' 41ou knowD5 4I was awa" all "esterda"' I $ould not $ome'5 More silen$e' 4Mrs' /oultene" has re$o.eredD5 4I understand so'5 46he was most angr" with me'5 4It is no dou3t for the 3est' 1ou were ill pla$ed in her house'5 4:here am I not ill pla$edD5
!e remem3ered he must $hoose his words with $are' 4>ow $ome ''' "ou must not feel sorr" for "ourself'5 !e mo.ed a step or two $loser' 4*here has 3een great $on$ern' A sear$h part" was out looking for "ou last night' In the storm'5 !er fa$e turned as if he might ha.e 3een de$ei.ing her' 6he saw that he was not+ and he in his turn saw 3" her surprise that she was not de$ei.ing him when she said, 4I did not mean to $ause su$h trou3le'5 4:ell ''' ne.er mind' I daresa" the" enCo"ed the e)$itement' ?ut it is $lear that "ou must now lea.e ("me'5 6he 3owed her head' !is .oi$e had 3een too stern' !e hesitated, then stepped forward and laid his hand on her shoulder $omfortingl"' 4<o not fear' I $ome to help "ou do that'5 !e had thought 3" his 3rief gesture and assuran$e to take the first step towards putting out the fire the do$tor had told him he had lit+ 3ut when one is oneself the fuel, firefighting is a hopeless task' 6arah was all flame' !er e"es were all flame as she threw a passionate look 3a$k at &harles' !e withdrew his hand, 3ut she $aught it and 3efore he $ould stop her raised it towards her lips' !e snat$hed it awa" in alarm then+ and she rea$ted as if he had stru$k her a$ross the fa$e' 4M" dear Miss :oodruff, pra" $ontrol "ourself' I84 4I $annot'5 *he words were 3arel" audi3le, 3ut the" silen$ed &harles' !e tried to tell himself that she meant she $ould not $ontrol her gratitude for his $harit" ''' he tried, he tried' ?ut there $ame on him a fleeting memor" of &atullus 4:hene.er I see "ou, sound fails, m" tongue falters, thin fire steals through m" lim3s, an inner roar, and darkness shrouds m" ears and e"es'5 &atullus was translating 6appho here+ and the 6apphi$ remains the 3est $lini$al des$ription of lo.e in #uropean medi$ine' 6arah and &harles stood there, pre"8if the" had 3ut known it8to pre$isel" the same s"mptoms+ admitted on the one hand, denied on the other+ though the one who denied found himself una3le to mo.e awa"' 7our or fi.e se$onds of intense repressed emotion passed' *hen 6arah $ould quite literall" stand no more' 6he fell to her knees at his feet' *he words rushed out' 4I ha.e told "ou a lie, I made sure Mrs' 7airle" saw me, I knew she would tell Mrs' /oultene"'5 :hat $ontrol &harles had felt himself gaining now slipped from his grasp again' !e stared down aghast at the upraised fa$e 3efore him' !e was e.identl" 3eing asked for forgi.eness+ 3ut he himself was asking for guidan$e, sin$e the do$tors had failed him again' *he distinguished "oung
ladies who had gone in for house;3urning and anon"mous letter;writing had all, with a ni$e deferen$e to 3la$k;and;white moral Cudgments, waited to 3e $aught 3efore $onfession' *ears had sprung in her e"es' A fortune $oming to him, a golden world+ and against that, a minor e)udation of the la$hr"mator" glands, a trem3ling drop or two of water, so small, so transitor", so 3rief' 1et he stood like a man 3eneath a 3reaking dam, instead of a man a3o.e a weeping woman' 4?ut wh" ''' D5 6he looked up then, with an intense earnestness and suppli$ation+ with a de$laration so unmistaka3le that words were needless+ with a nakedness that made an" e.asion8an" other 4M" dear Miss :oodruffI58impossi3le' !e slowl" rea$hed out his hands and raised her' *heir e"es remained on ea$h other2s, as if the" were 3oth h"pnoti=ed' 6he seemed to him8or those wide, those drowning e"es seemed8the most ra.ishingl" 3eautiful he had e.er seen' :hat la" 3ehind them did not matter' *he moment o.er$ame the age' !e took her into his arms, saw her e"es $lose as she swa"ed into his em3ra$e+ then $losed his own and found her lips' !e felt not onl" their softness 3ut the whole $lose su3stan$e of her 3od"+ her sudden smallness, fragilit", weakness, tenderness 8 !e pushed her .iolentl" awa"' An agoni=ed look, as if he was the most de3ased $riminal $aught in his most a3omina3le $rime' *hen he turned and rushed through the door8into "et another horror' It was not <o$tor 0rogan'
32
And her, white;muslined, waiting there In the por$h with high;e)pe$tant heart, :hile still the thin me$hani$ air :ent on inside' 8!AR<1, 4*he Musi$al ?o)5
#rnestina had, that pre.ious night, not 3een a3le to sleep' 6he knew perfe$tl" well whi$h windows in the :hite (ion were &harles2s, and she did not fail to note that his light was still on long after her aunt2s snores 3egan to $reep through the silent house' 6he felt hurt and she felt guilt" in a3out equal parts 8that is, to 3egin with' ?ut when she had stolen from her 3ed for quite the si)teenth time to see if the light still 3urned, and it did- her guilt 3egan to in$rease' &harles was .er" e.identl", and Custl", displeased with her' >ow when, after &harles2s departure, #rnestina had said to herself8and su3sequentl" to Aunt *ranter8that she reall" didn2t $are a fig for :ins"att, "ou ma" think that sour grapes would ha.e 3een a more appropriate horti$ultural metaphor' 6he had $ertainl" wooed herself into gra$iousl" a$$epting the role of $hatelaine when &harles left for his un$le2s, had e.en 3egun drawing up lists of 4Items to 3e attended to5 ''' 3ut the sudden death of that dream had $ome as a $ertain relief' :omen who run great houses need a tou$h of the general a3out them+ and #rnestina had no militar" aspirations whate.er' 6he liked e.er" lu)ur", and to 3e waited on, hand if not foot+ 3ut she had a .er" sound 3ourgeois sense of proportion' *hirt" rooms when fifteen were suffi$ient was to her a foll"' /erhaps she got this $omparati.e thrift from her father, who se$retl" 3elie.ed that 4aristo$rat5 was a s"non"m of 4.ain ostentation,5 though this did not stop him 3asing a not in$onsidera3le part of his 3usiness on that fault, or running a (ondon house man" a no3leman would ha.e 3een glad of8 or poun$ing on the first $han$e of a title that offered for his dearl" 3elo.ed daughter' *o gi.e him his due, he might ha.e turned down a .is$ount as e)$essi.e+ a 3aronet$" was so eminentl" proper' I am not doing well 3" #rnestina, who was after all a .i$tim of $ir$umstan$es+ of an illi3eral en.ironment' It is, of $ourse, its essentiall" s$hi=ophreni$ outlook on so$iet" that makes the middle $lass su$h a pe$uliar mi)ture of "east and dough' :e tend nowada"s to forget that it has alwa"s 3een the great re.olutionar" $lass+ we see mu$h more the dough" aspe$t, the 3ourgeoisie as the heartland of rea$tion, the uni.ersal insult, fore.er selfish and $onforming' >ow this 9anus;like qualit" deri.es from the $lass2s one sa.ing .irtue, whi$h is this that alone of the three great $astes of so$iet" it sin$erel" and ha3ituall" despises itself' #rnestina was $ertainl" no e)$eption here' It was not onl" &harles who heard an unwel$ome a$idit" in her .oi$e+ she heard it herself' ?ut her traged" (and one that remains u3iquitous) was that she misapplied this pre$ious gift of self;$ontempt and so made herself a .i$tim of her $lass2s perennial la$k of faith in itself' Instead of seeing its failings as a reason to reCe$t the entire $lass s"stem, she saw them as a reason to seek a higher' 6he $annot 3e 3lamed, of $ourse+ she had 3een
hopelessl" well trained to .iew so$iet" as so man" rungs on a ladder+ thus redu$ing her own to a mere step to something supposedl" 3etter' *hus (4I am shameful, I ha.e 3eha.ed like a draper2s daughter5) it was, in the small hours, that #rnestina ga.e up the attempt to sleep, rose and pulled on her peignoir- and then unlo$ked her diar"' /erhaps &harles would see that her window was also still penitentiall" 3right in the hea." darkness that followed the thunderstorm' Meanwhile, she set herself to $omposition' I $annot sleep' <earest &' is displeased with me8I was so .er" upset at the dreadful news from :ins"att' I wished to $r", I was so very .e)ed, 3ut I foolishl" said man" angr", spiteful things8 whi$h I ask 0od to forgi.e me, remem3ering I said them out of lo.e for dearest &' and not wi$kedness' I did weep most terri ly when he went awa"' (et this 3e a lesson to me to take the 3eautiful words of the Marriage 6er.i$e to m" $ons$ien$e, to honor and o ey m" dearest &harles e.en when m" feelings would dri.e me to $ontradi$t him' (et me earnestl" and hum3l" learn to 3end m" horrid, spiteful willfulness to his mu$h greater wisdom, let me $herish his Cudgment and $hain m"self to his heart, for 4*he sweet of true Repentan$e is the gate to !ol" ?liss'5 1ou ma" ha.e noted a $ertain la$k of #rnestina2s normal dr"ness in this tou$hing paragraph+ 3ut &harles was not alone in ha.ing se.eral .oi$es' And Cust as she hoped he might see the late light in her room, so did she en.isage a da" when he might $oa) her into sharing this intimate re$ord of her prenuptial soul' 6he wrote partl" for his e"es8as, like e.er" other Gi$torian woman, she wrote partl" for #is e"es' 6he went relie.ed to 3ed, so totall" and suita3l" her 3etrothed2s $hastened 3ride in spirit that she lea.es me no alternati.e 3ut to $on$lude that she must, in the end, win &harles 3a$k from his infidelit"' And she was still fast asleep when a small drama took pla$e four floors 3elow her' 6am had not got up quite as earl" as his master that morning' :hen he went into the hotel kit$hen for his tea and toasted $heese8one thing few Gi$torian ser.ants did was eat less than their masters, whate.er their la$k of gastronomi$ propriet"8the 3oots greeted him with the news that his master had gone out+ and that 6am was to pa$k and strap and 3e read" to lea.e at noon' 6am hid his sho$k' /a$king and strapping was 3ut half an hour2s work' !e had more pressing 3usiness' !e went immediatel" to Aunt *ranter2s house' :hat he said we need not inquire, e)$ept that it must ha.e 3een penetrated with traged", sin$e when Aunt *ranter (who kept un$i.ili=ed rural hours) $ame down to the kit$hen
onl" a minute later, she found Mar" slumped in a $ollapse of tears at the kit$hen ta3le' *he deaf $ook2s sar$asti$ uplift of her $hin showed there was little s"mpath" there' Mar" was interrogated+ and Aunt *ranter soon eli$ited, in her 3riskl" gentle wa", the sour$e of miser"+ and applied a mu$h kinder remed" than &harles had' *he maid might 3e off till #rnestina had to 3e attended to+ sin$e Miss #rnestina2s hea." 3ro$ade $urtains $ustomaril" remained drawn until ten, that was nearl" three hours2 gra$e' Aunt *ranter was rewarded 3" the most grateful smile the world saw that da"' 7i.e minutes later 6am was to 3e seen sprawling in the middle of ?road 6treet' ,ne should not run full tilt a$ross $o33les, e.en to a Mar"'
33
, let me lo.e m" lo.e unto m"self alone, And know m" knowledge to the world unknown, >o witness to the .ision $all, ?eholding, un3eheld of all''' 8A' !' &(,-0!, /oem (18EL)
It would 3e diffi$ult to sa" who was more sho$ked8the master fro=en si) feet from the door, or the ser.ants no less fro=en some thirt" "ards awa"' 6o astounded were the latter that 6am did not e.en remo.e his arm from round Mar"2s waist' :hat 3roke the ta3leau was the appearan$e of the fourth figure 6arah, wildl", in the doorwa"' 6he withdrew so swiftl" that the sight was 3arel" more than su3liminal' ?ut it was enough' 6am2s mouth fell open and his arm dropped from Mar"2s waist' 4:hat the de.il are "ou doing hereD5 4,ut walkin2, Mr' &harles'5 4I thought I left instru$tions to84 4I done it, sir' 62all read"'5 &harles knew he was l"ing' Mar" had turned awa", with a deli$a$" that 3e$ame her' &harles hesitated, then strode up to 6am, through whose mind flashed .isions of dismissal, assault 4:e didn2t know, Mr' &harles' K,nest we didn2t'5
Mar" flashed a sh" look 3a$k at &harles there was sho$k in it, and fear, 3ut the faintest tou$h of a sl" admiration' !e addressed her' 4Hindl" lea.e us alone a moment'5 *he girl 3o33ed and 3egan to walk qui$kl" out of earshot' &harles e"ed 6am, who re.erted to his hum3lest footman self and stared intentl" at his master2s 3oots' 4I ha.e $ome here on that 3usiness I mentioned'5 41es, sir'5 &harles dropped his .oi$e' 4At the request of the ph"si$ian who is treating her' !e is full" aware of the $ir$umstan$es'5 41es, sir'5 4:hi$h must on no a$$ount 3e dis$losed'5 4I hunderstand, Mr' &harles'5 4<oes sheD5 6am looked up' 4Mar" won2t sa" nuffink, sir' ,n m" life'5 >ow &harles looked down' !e was aware that his $heeks were deep red' 4Ger" well' I ''' I thank "ou' And I2ll see that''' here'5 !e fum3led for his purse' 4,h no, Mr' &harles'5 6am took a small step 3a$k, a little o.erdramati$all" to $on.in$e a dispassionate o3ser.er' 4>e.er'5 &harles2s hand $ame to a mum3ling stop' A look passed 3etween master and ser.ant' /erhaps 3oth knew a shrewd sa$rifi$e had Cust 3een made' 4Ger" well' I will make it up to "ou' ?ut not a word'5 4,n m" slom3est hoath, Mr' &harles'5 :ith this dark superlati.e (most solemn and 3est) 6am turned and went after his Mar", who now waited, her 3a$k dis$reetl" turned, some hundred "ards off in the gorse and 3ra$ken' :h" their destination should ha.e 3een the 3arn, one $an onl" spe$ulate+ it ma" ha.e alread" stru$k "ou as $urious that a sensi3le girl like Mar" should ha.e 3urst into tears at the thought of a mere few da"s2 a3sen$e' ?ut let us lea.e 6am and Mar" as the" reeenter the woods, walk a little wa" in sho$ked silen$e, then $o.ertl" $at$h ea$h other2s e"es8 and dissol.e into a helpless paral"sis of silent laughter+ and return to the s$arlet;fa$ed &harles' !e wat$hed them out of sight, then glan$ed 3a$k at the uninformati.e 3arn' !is 3eha.ior had rent his profoundest 3eing, 3ut the open air allowed him to refle$t a moment' <ut", as so often, $ame to his aid' !e had flagrantl" fanned the for3idden fire' #.en now the other .i$tim might 3e perishing in its flames, $asting the rope o.er the 3eam ''' !e hesitated, then mar$hed 3a$k to the 3arn and 6arah' 6he stood 3" the window2s edge, hidden from .iew from outside, as if she had tried to hear what had passed 3etween &harles and 6am' !e stood 3"
the door' 41ou must forgi.e me for taking an unpardona3le ad.antage of "our unhapp" situation'5 !e paused, then went on' 4And not onl" this morning'5 6he looked down' !e was relie.ed to see that she seemed a3ashed, no longer wild' 4*he last thing I wished was to engage "our affe$tions' I ha.e 3eha.ed .er" foolishl"' Ger" foolishl"' It is I who am wholl" to 3lame'5 6he stared at the rough stone floor 3etween them, the prisoner awaiting senten$e' 4*he damage is done, alas' I must ask "ou now to help me repair it'5 6till she refused his in.itation to speak' 4?usiness $alls me to (ondon' I do not know for how long'5 6he looked at him then, 3ut onl" for a moment' !e stum3led on' 4I think "ou should go to #)eter' I 3eg "ou to take the mone" in this purse8as a loan, if "ou wish ''' until "ou $an find a suita3le position ''' and if "ou should need an" further pe$uniar" assistan$e '''5 !is .oi$e tailed off' It had 3e$ome progressi.el" more formal' !e knew he must sound detesta3le' 6he turned her 3a$k on him' 4I shall ne.er see "ou again'5 41ou $annot e)pe$t me to den" that'5 4*hough seeing "ou is all I li.e for'5 *he terri3le threat hung in the silen$e that followed' !e dared not 3ring it into the open' !e felt like a man in irons+ and his release $ame as une)pe$tedl" as to a $ondemned prisoner' 6he looked round, and patentl" read his thought' 4If I had wished to kill m"self, I ha.e had reason enough 3efore now'5 6he looked out of the window' 4I a$$ept "our loan ''' with gratitude'5 !is e"es $losed in a moment of silent thanksgi.ing' !e pla$ed the purse 8not the one #rnestina had em3roidered for him8on a ledge 3" the door' 41ou will go to #)eterD5 4If that is "our ad.i$e'5 4It most emphati$all" is'5 6he 3owed her head' 4And I must tell "ou something else' *here is talk in the town of $ommitting "ou to an institution'5 !er e"es flashed round' 4*he idea emanates from Marl3orough !ouse, no dou3t' 1ou need not take it seriousl"' 7or all that, "ou ma" sa.e "ourself em3arrassment if "ou do not return to ("me'5 !e hesitated, then said, 4I understand a part" is to $ome shortl" sear$hing for "ou again' *hat is wh" I $ame so earl"'5 4M" 3o) '''5 4I will see to that' I will ha.e it sent to the depot at #)eter' It o$$urred to me that if "ou ha.e the strength, it might 3e wiser to walk to A)mouth &ross' *hat would a.oid '''5 s$andal for them 3oth' ?ut he knew what he
was asking' A)mouth was se.en miles awa"+ and the &ross, where the $oa$hes passed, two miles farther still' 6he assented' 4And "ou will let Mrs' *ranter know as soon as "ou ha.e found a situationD5 4I ha.e no referen$es'5 41ou ma" gi.e Mrs' *al3ot2s name' And Mrs' *ranter2s' I will speak to her' And "ou are not to 3e too proud to $all on her for further finan$ial pro.ision, should it 3e ne$essar"' I shall see to that as well 3efore I lea.e'5 4It will not 3e ne$essar"'5 !er .oi$e was almost inaudi3le' 4?ut I thank "ou'5 4I think it is I who ha.e to thank "ou'5 6he glan$ed up into his e"es' *he lan$e was still there, the seeing him whole' 41ou are a .er" remarka3le person, Miss :oodruff' I feel deepl" ashamed not to ha.e per$ei.ed it earlier'5 6he said, 41es, I am a remarka3le person'5 ?ut she said it without pride+ without sar$asm+ with no more than a 3itter simpli$it"' And the silen$e flowed 3a$k' !e 3ore it as long as he $ould, then took out his half hunter, a .er" uninspired hint that he must lea.e' !e felt his $lumsiness, his stiffness, her greater dignit" than his+ perhaps he still felt her lips' 4:ill "ou not walk with me 3a$k to the pathD5 !e would not let her, at this last parting, see he was ashamed' If 0rogan appeared, it would not matter now' ?ut 0rogan did not appear' 6arah pre$eded him, through the dead 3ra$ken and li.ing gorse in the earl" sunlight, the hair glinting+ silent, not on$e turning' &harles knew .er" well that 6am and Mar" might 3e wat$hing, 3ut it now seemed 3etter that the" should see him openl" with her' *he wa" led up through trees and $ame at last to the main path' 6he turned' !e stepped 3eside her, his hand out' 6he hesitated, then held out her own' !e gripped it firml", for3idding an" further foll"' !e murmured, 4I shall ne.er forget "ou'5 6he raised her fa$e to his, with an imper$epti3le "et sear$hing mo.ement of her e"es+ as if there was something he must see, it was not too late a truth 3e"ond his truths, an emotion 3e"ond his emotions, a histor" 3e"ond all his $on$eptions of histor"' As if she $ould sa" worlds+ "et at the same time knew that if he $ould not apprehend those words without her sa"ing them ''' It lasted a long moment' *hen he dropped his e"es, and her hand' A minute later he looked 3a$k' 6he stood where he had left her,
wat$hing him' !e raised his hat' 6he made no sign' *en minutes later still, he stopped at a gatewa" on the seaward side of the tra$k to the <air"' It ga.e a .iew down a$ross fields towards the &o33' In the distan$e 3elow a short figure mounted the fieldpath towards the gate where &harles stood' !e drew 3a$k a little, hesitated a moment ''' then went on his own wa" along the tra$k to the lane that led down to the town'
34
And the rotten rose is ript from the wall' 8!AR<1, 4<uring :ind and Rain5
41ou ha.e 3een walking'5 !is se$ond $hange of $lothes was thus pro.ed a .ain pretense' 4I needed to $lear m" mind' I slept 3adl"'5 46o did I'5 6he added, 41ou said "ou were fatigued 3e"ond 3elief'5 4I was'5 4?ut "ou sta"ed up until after one o2$lo$k'5 &harles turned somewhat a3ruptl" to the window' 4I had man" things to $onsider'5 #rnestina2s part in this stiff e)$hange indi$ates a $ertain failure to maintain in da"light the tone of her no$turnal self;adCurations' ?ut 3esides the walking she also knew, .ia 6am, Mar" and a 3ewildered Aunt *ranter, that &harles planned to lea.e ("me that da"' 6he had determined not to demand an e)planation of this sudden $hange of intention+ let his lordship gi.e it in his own good time' And then, when he had finall" $ome, Cust 3efore ele.en, and while she sat priml" waiting in the 3a$k parlor, he had had the unkindness to speak at length in the hall to Aunt *ranter, and inaudi3l", whi$h was the worst of all' *hus she inwardl" seethed' /erhaps not the least of her resentments was that she had taken espe$ial pains with her toilet that morning, and he had not paid her an" $ompliment on it' 6he wore a rosepink 43reakfast5 dress with 3ishop slee.es8tight at
the deli$ate armpit, then pleating .oluminousl" in a froth of gau=e to the $onstri$ted wrist' It set off her fragilit" .er" prettil"+ and the white ri33ons in her smooth hair and a deli$atel" per.asi.e fragran$e of la.ender water pla"ed their part' 6he was a sugar Aphrodite, though with faintl" 3ruised e"es, risen from a 3ed of white linen' &harles might ha.e found it rather eas" to 3e $ruel' ?ut he managed a smile and sitting 3eside her, took one of her hands, and patted it' 4M" dearest, I must ask forgi.eness' I am not m"self' And I fear I2.e de$ided I must go to (ondon'5 4,h &harlesI5 4I wish it weren2t so' ?ut this new turn of e.ents makes it imperati.e I see Montague at on$e'5 Montague was the soli$itor, in those da"s 3efore a$$ountants, who looked after &harles2s affairs' 4&an "ou not wait till I returnD It is onl" ten more da"s'5 4I shall return to 3ring "ou 3a$k'5 4?ut $annot Mr' Montague $ome hereD5 4Alas no, there are so man" papers' ?esides, that is not m" onl" purpose' I must inform "our father of what has happened'5 6he remo.ed her hand from his arm' 4?ut what is it to do with himD5 4M" dear $hild, it has e.er"thing to do with him' !e has entrusted "ou to m" $are' 6u$h a gra.e alteration in m" prospe$ts84 4?ut "ou ha.e still "our own in$omeI5 4:ell ''' of $ourse, "es, I shall alwa"s 3e $omforta3l" off' ?ut there are other things' *he title '''5 4I had forgotten that' ,f $ourse' It2s quite impossi3le that I should marr" a mere $ommoner'5 6he glan$ed 3a$k at him with an appropriatel" sar$asti$ firmness' 4M" sweet, 3e patient' *hese things ha.e to 3e said8"ou 3ring a great sum of mone" with "ou' ,f $ourse our pri.ate affe$tions are the paramount $onsideration' !owe.er, there is a ''' well, a legal and $ontra$tual side to matrimon" whi$h84 47iddlesti$ksI5 4M" dearest *ina '''5 41ou know perfe$tl" well the" would allow me to marr" a !ottentot if I wanted'5 4*hat ma" 3e so' ?ut e.en the most doting parents prefer to 3e informed 84 4!ow man" rooms has the ?elgra.ia houseD5 4I ha.e no idea'5 !e hesitated, then added, 4*went", I daresa"'5
4And "ou mentioned one da" that "ou had two and a half thousand a "ear' *o whi$h m" dowr" will 3ring84 4:hether our $hanged $ir$umstan$es are still suffi$ient for $omfort is not at issue'5 4Ger" well' 6uppose /apa tells "ou "ou $annot ha.e m" hand' :hat thenD5 41ou $hoose to misunderstand' I know m" dut"' ,ne $annot 3e too s$rupulous at su$h a Cun$ture'5 *his e)$hange has taken pla$e without their daring to look at ea$h other2s fa$es' 6he dropped her head, in a .er" plain and mutinous disagreement' !e rose and stood 3ehind her' 4It is no more than a formalit"' ?ut su$h formalities matter'5 6he stared o3stinatel" down' 4I am wear" of ("me' I see "ou less here than in town'5 !e smiled' 4*hat is a3surd'5 4It seems less'5 A sullen little line had set a3out her mouth' 6he would not 3e mollified' !e went and stood in front of the firepla$e, his arm on the mantelpie$e, smiling down at her+ 3ut it was a smile without humor, a mask' !e did not like her when she was willful+ it $ontrasted too strongl" with her ela3orate $lothes, all designed to show a total inadequa$" outside the domesti$ interior' *he thin end of the sensi3le $lothes wedge had 3een inserted in so$iet" 3" the disgra$eful Mrs' ?loomer a de$ade and a half 3efore the "ear of whi$h I write+ 3ut that earl" attempt at the trouser suit had 3een $omprehensi.el" defeated 3" the $rinoline8a small fa$t of $onsidera3le signifi$an$e in our understanding of the Gi$torians' *he" were offered sense+ and $hose a si);foot foll" unparalleled in the most foll";ridden of minor arts' !owe.er, in the silen$e that followed &harles was not meditating on the idio$" of high fashion, 3ut on how to lea.e without more to;do' 7ortunatel" for him *ina had at the same time 3een refle$ting on her position it was after all rather maidser.antish (Aunt *ranter had e)plained wh" Mar" was not a3le to answer the waking 3ell) to make su$h a fuss a3out a 3rief a3sen$e' ?esides, male .anit" la" in 3eing o3e"ed+ female, in using o3edien$e to ha.e the ultimate .i$tor"' A time would $ome when &harles should 3e made to pa" for his $ruelt"' !er little smile up at him was repentant' 41ou will write e.er" da"D5 !e rea$hed down and tou$hed her $heek' 4I promise'5 4And return as soon as "ou $anD5
49ust as soon as I $an e)pedite matters with Montague'5 4I shall write to /apa with stri$t orders to send "ou straight 3a$k'5 &harles sei=ed his opportunit"' 4And I shall 3ear the letter, if "ou write it at on$e' I lea.e in an hour'5 6he stood then and held out her hands' 6he wished to 3e kissed' !e $ould not 3ring himself to kiss her on the mouth' 6o he grasped her shoulders and lightl" em3ra$ed her on 3oth temples' !e then made to go' ?ut for some odd reason he stopped' #rnestina stared demurel" and meekl" in front of her8at his dark 3lue $ra.at with its pearl pin' :h" &harles $ould not get awa" was not immediatel" apparent+ in fa$t two hands were hooded firml" in his lower waist$oat po$kets' !e understood the pri$e of his release, and paid it' >o worlds fell, no inner roar, no darkness shrouded e"es and ears, as he stood pressing his lips upon hers for se.eral se$onds' ?ut #rnestina was .er" prettil" dressed+ a .ision, perhaps more a ta$tile impression, of a tender little white 3od" entered &harles2s mind' !er head turned against his shoulder, she nestled against him+ and as he patted and stroked and murmured a few foolish words, he found himself most suddenl" em3arrassed' *here was a distin$t stir in his loins' *here had alwa"s 3een #rnestina2s humor, her odd little piques and whims of emotion, a promise of $ertain 3uried wildnesses ''' a willingness to learn per.ersit", one da" to 3ite timidl" 3ut deli$iousl" on for3idden fruit' :hat &harles un$ons$iousl" felt was perhaps no more than the ageless attra$tion of shallow;minded women that one ma" make of them what one wants' :hat he felt $ons$iousl" was a sense of pollution to feel $arnal desire now, when he had tou$hed another woman2s lips that morningI !e kissed #rnestina rather hastil" on the $rown of her head, gentl" disengaged her ringers from their holds, kissed them in turn, then left' !e still had an ordeal, sin$e Mar" was standing 3" the door with his hat and glo.es' !er e"es were down, 3ut her $heeks were red' !e glan$ed 3a$k at the $losed door of the room he had left as he drew on his glo.es' 46am has e)plained the $ir$umstan$es of this morningD5 41es, sir'5 41ou ''' understandD5 41es, sir'5 !e took off a glo.e again and felt in his waist$oat po$ket' Mar" did not take a step 3a$k, though she lowered her head still further' 4,h sir, I doan2 want that'5 ?ut she alread" had it' A moment later she had $losed the door on &harles' Ger" slowl" she opened her small8and I2m afraid, rather red8 hand and stared at the small golden $oin in its palm' *hen she put it 3etween
her white teeth and 3it it, as she had alwa"s seen her father do, to make sure it was not 3rass+ not that she $ould tell one from the other 3" 3ite, 3ut 3iting somehow pro.ed it was gold+ Cust as 3eing on the -nder$liff pro.ed it was sin' :hat $an an inno$ent $ountr" .irgin know of sinD *he question requires an answer' Meanwhile, &harles $an get up to (ondon on his own'
35
In "ou resides m" single power' ,f sweet $ontinuan$e here' 8!AR<1, 4!er Immortalit"5 At the infirmar" man" girls of 14 "ears of age, and e.en girls of 1P, up to 1B "ears of age, ha.e 3een 3rought in pregnant to 3e $onfined here' *he girls ha.e a$knowledged that their ruin has taken pla$e ''' in going or returning from their (agri$ultural) work' 0irls and 3o"s of this age go fi.e, si), or se.en miles to work, walking in dro.es along the roads and 3";lanes' I ha.e m"self witnessed gross inde$en$ies 3etween 3o"s and girls of 14 to 1A "ears of age' I saw on$e a "oung girl insulted 3" some fi.e or si) 3o"s on the roadside' ,ther older persons were a3out LF or PF "ards off, 3ut the" took no noti$e' *he girl was $alling out, whi$h $aused me to stop' I ha.e also seen 3o"s 3athing in the 3rooks, and girls 3etween 1P and 1J looking on from the 3ank' 8Children.s Employment Commission 9eport (18AB)
:hat are we fa$ed with in the nineteenth $entur"D An age where woman was sa$red+ and where "ou $ould 3u" a thirteen;"ear;old girl for a few pounds8a few shillings, if "ou wanted her for onl" an hour or two' :here more $hur$hes were 3uilt than in the whole pre.ious histor" of the $ountr"+ and where one in si)t" houses in (ondon was a 3rothel (the modern ratio would 3e nearer one in si) thousand)' :here the san$tit" of marriage (and $hastit" 3efore marriage) was pro$laimed from e.er" pulpit, in e.er" newspaper editorial and pu3li$ utteran$e+ and where ne.er8or hardl" e.er 8 ha.e so man" great pu3li$ figures, from the future king down, led
s$andalous pri.ate li.es' :here the penal s"stem was progressi.el" humani=ed+ and flagellation so rife that a 7ren$hman set out quite seriousl" to pro.e that the Marquis de 6ade must ha.e had #nglish an$estr"' :here the female 3od" had ne.er 3een so hidden from .iew+ and where e.er" s$ulptor was Cudged 3" his a3ilit" to $ar.e naked women' :here there is not a single no.el, pla" or poem of literar" distin$tion that e.er goes 3e"ond the sensualit" of a kiss, where <r' ?owdler (the date of whose death, 18LE, reminds us that the Gi$torian ethos was in 3eing long 3efore the stri$t threshold of the age) was widel" $onsidered a pu3li$ 3enefa$tor+ and where the output of pornograph" has ne.er 3een e)$eeded' :here the e)$retor" fun$tions were ne.er referred to+ and where the sanitation remained8the flushing la.ator" $ame late in the age and remained a lu)ur" well up to 1JFF 8so primiti.e that there $an ha.e 3een few houses, and few streets, where one was not $onstantl" reminded of them' :here it was uni.ersall" maintained that women do not ha.e orgasms+ and "et e.er" prostitute was taught to simulate them' :here there was an enormous progress and li3eration in e.er" other field of human a$ti.it"+ and nothing 3ut t"rann" in the most personal and fundamental' At first sight the answer seems $lear8it is the 3usiness of su3limation' *he Gi$torians poured their li3ido into those other fields+ as if some genie of e.olution, feeling la=", said to himself :e need some progress, so let us dam and di.ert this one great $anal and see what happens' :hile $on$eding a partial truth to the theor" of su3limation, I sometimes wonder if this does not lead us into the error of supposing the Gi$torians were not in fa$t highl" se)ed' ?ut the" were quite as highl" se)ed as our own $entur"8and, in spite of the fa$t that we ha.e se) thrown at us night and da" (as the Gi$torians had religion), far more preo$$upied with it than we reall" are' *he" were $ertainl" preo$$upied 3" lo.e, and de.oted far more of their arts to it than we do ours' >or $an Malthus and the la$k of 3irth;$ontrol applian$esM quite a$$ount for the fa$t that the" 3red like ra33its and worshiped fertilit" far more ardentl" than we do' >or does our $entur" fall 3ehind in the matter of progress and li3erali=ation+ and "et we $an hardl" maintain that that is 3e$ause we ha.e so mu$h su3limated energ" to spare' I ha.e seen the >aught" >ineties represented as a rea$tion to man" de$ades of a3stinen$e+ I 3elie.e it was merel" the pu3li$ation of what had hitherto 3een pri.ate, and I suspe$t we are in realit" dealing with a human $onstant the differen$e is a .o$a3ular", a degree of metaphor'
NM *he first sheaths (of sausage skin) were on sale in the late eighteenth $entur"' Malthus, of all people, $ondemned 3irth;$ontrol te$hniques as 4improper,5 3ut agitation for their use 3egan in the 18LFs' *he first approa$h to a modern 4se) manual5 was <r'
0eorge <r"sdale2s somewhat o3liquel" entitled The Elements of *ocial *cience; or Physical- *e!ual and 7atural 9eligion- An E!position of the true Cause and only Cure of the Three Primary Evils& Poverty- Prostitution and Celi acy. It appeared in 18E4, and was widel" read and translated' !ere is <r"sdale2s pra$ti$al ad.i$e, with its telltale final parenthesis 4Impregnation is a.oided either 3" the withdrawal of the penis immediatel" 3efore eCa$ulation takes pla$e (whi$h is .er" frequentl" pra$ti$ed 3" married and unmarried men)+ 3" the use of the sheath (whi$h is also .er" frequent, 3ut more so on the &ontinent than in this $ountr")+ 3" the introdu$tion of a pie$e of sponge into the .agina ' ' ' + or 3" the inCe$tion of tepid water into the .agina immediatel" after $oition' 4*he first of these modes is ph"si$all" inCurious, and is apt to produ$e ner.ous disorder and se)ual enfee3lement and $ongestion ' ' ' *he se$ond, namel" the sheath, dulls the enCo"ment, and frequentl" produ$es impoten$e in the man and disgust in 3oth parties, so that it also is inCurious' 4*hese o3Ce$tions do not, I 3elie.e, appl" to the third, namel", the introdu$tion of a sponge or some other su3stan$e to guard the mouth of the wom3' *his $ould easil" 3e done 3" the woman, and would s$ar$el", it appears to me, interfere at all in the se)ual pleasures, nor ha.e an" preCudi$ial effe$t on the health of either part"' (An" pre.enti.e means, to 3e satisfa$tor", must 3e used 3" the woman- as it spoils the passion and impulsi.eness of the .enereal a$t, if the man has to think of them')5O
*he Gi$torians $hose to 3e serious a3out something we treat rather lightl", and the wa" the" e)pressed their seriousness was not to tal5 openly a3out se), Cust as part of our wa" is the .er" re.erse' ?ut these 4wa"s5 of 3eing serious are mere $on.entions' *he fa$t 3ehind them remains $onstant' I think, too, there is another $ommon error of equating a high degree of se)ual ignoran$e with a low degree of se)ual pleasure' I ha.e no dou3t that when &harles2s and 6arah2s lips tou$hed, .er" little amator" skill was shown on either side+ 3ut I would not dedu$e an" la$k of se)ual e)$itement from that' In an" $ase, a mu$h more interesting ratio is 3etween the desire and the a3ilit" to fulfill it' !ere again we ma" 3elie.e we $ome off mu$h 3etter than our great;grandparents' ?ut the desire is $onditioned 3" the frequen$" it is e.oked our world spends a .ast amount of its time in.iting us to $opulate, while our realit" is as 3us" in frustrating us' :e are not so frustrated as the Gi$toriansD /erhaps' ?ut if "ou $an onl" enCo" one apple a da", there2s a great deal to 3e said against li.ing in an or$hard of the wret$hed things+ "ou might e.en find apples sweeter if "ou were allowed onl" one a week' 6o it seems .er" far from sure that the Gi$torians did not e)perien$e a mu$h keener, 3e$ause less frequent, se)ual pleasure than we do+ and that the" were not diml" aware of this, and so $hose a $on.ention of suppression, repression and silen$e to maintain the keenness of the pleasure' In a wa", 3" transferring to the pu3li$ imagination what the" left to the pri.ate, we are the more Gi$torian8in the derogator" sense of the word8$entur", sin$e we ha.e, in destro"ing so mu$h of the m"ster", the diffi$ult", the aura of the
for3idden, destro"ed also a great deal of the pleasure' ,f $ourse we $annot measure $omparati.e degrees of pleasure+ 3ut it ma" 3e lu$kier for us than for the Gi$torians that we $annot' And in addition their method ga.e them a 3onus of surplus energ"' *hat se$re$", that gap 3etween the se)es whi$h so trou3led &harles when 6arah tried to diminish it, $ertainl" produ$ed a greater for$e, and .er" often a greater frankness, in e.er" other field' All of whi$h appears to ha.e led us a long wa" from Mar", though I re$all now that she was .er" fond of apples' ?ut what she was not was an inno$ent $ountr" .irgin, for the .er" simple reason that the two adCe$ti.es were in$ompati3le in her $entur"' *he $auses are not hard to find' *he .ast maCorit" of witnesses and reporters, in e.er" age, 3elong to the edu$ated $lass+ and this has produ$ed, throughout histor", a kind of minorit" distortion of realit"' *he prudish puritanit" we lend to the Gi$torians, and rather la=il" appl" to all $lasses of Gi$torian so$iet", is in fa$t a middle;$lass .iew of the middle;$lass ethos' <i$kens2s working;$lass $hara$ters are all .er" funn" (or .er" patheti$) and an in$ompara3le range of grotesques, 3ut for the $old realit" we need to go elsewhere8to Ma"hew, the great &ommission Reports and the rest+ and nowhere more than in this se)ual aspe$t of their li.es, whi$h <i$kens (who la$ked a $ertain authenti$it" in his own) and his $ompeers so totall" 3owdleri=ed' *he hard8I would rather $all it soft, 3ut no matter8 fa$t of Gi$torian rural #ngland was that what a simpler age $alled 4tasting 3efore "ou 3u"5 (premarital inter$ourse, in our $urrent Cargon) was the rule- not the e!ception. (isten to this e.iden$e, from a lad" still li.ing' 6he was 3orn in 188P' !er father was *homas !ard"2s do$tor' *he life of the farm la3orer was .er" different in the >ineteenth &entur" to what it is now' 7or instan$e, among the <orset peasants, $on$eption 3efore marriage was perfe$tl" normal, and the marriage did not take pla$e until the pregnan$" was o3.ious ' ' ' *he reason was the low wages paid to the workers, and the need to ensure e)tra hands in the famil" to earn'M
NM An additional e$onomi$ reason was the dia3oli$al s"stem of pa"ing all unmarried men8e.en though the" did a man2s work in e.er" other wa"8half the married man2s rate' *his splendid method of ensuring the la3or for$e8at the $ost $ited 3elow8 disappeared onl" with the general use of farm ma$hiner"' It might 3e added that <orset, the s$ene of the *olpuddle Mart"rdom, was notoriousl" the most disgra$efull" e)ploited rural area in #ngland' !ere is the Re.erend 9ames 7raser, writing in this same "ear of 18AB 4Modest" must 3e an unknown .irtue, de$en$" an unimagina3le thing, where, in one small $ham3er, with the 3eds l"ing as thi$kl" as the" $an 3e pa$ked, father, mother, "oung men, lads, grown and growing girls8two and sometimes three generations8are herded
promis$uousl"+ where e.er" operation of the toilette and of nature, dressings, undressings, 3irths, deaths8is performed 3" ea$h within the sight and hearing of all8 where the whole atmosphere is sensual and human nature is degraded into something 3elow the le.el of the swine ' ' ' &ases of in$est are an"thing 3ut un$ommon' :e $omplain of the antenuptial un$hastit" of our women, of the loose talk and $ondu$t of the girls who work in the fields, of the light wa" in whi$h maidens part with their honor, and how seldom either a parent2s or a 3rother2s 3lood 3oils with shame8here, in $ottage herding, is the suffi$ient a$$ount and histor" of it all '' '5 And 3ehind all this loomed e.en grimmer figures, $ommon to e.er" ghetto sin$e time 3egan+ s$rofula, $holera, endemi$ t"phoid and tu3er$ulosis'O
I ha.e now $ome under the shadow, the .er" rele.ant shadow, of the great no.elist who towers o.er this part of #ngland of whi$h I write' :hen we remem3er that !ard" was the first to tr" to 3reak the Gi$torian middle; $lass seal o.er the supposed /andora2s 3o) of se), not the least interesting (and $ertainl" the most parado)i$al) thing a3out him is his fanati$al prote$tion of the seal of his own and his immediate an$estors2 se) life' ,f $ourse that was, and would still remain, his inaliena3le right' ?ut few literar" se$rets8 this one was not unearthed until the 1JEFs8ha.e remained so well kept' It, and the realit" of Gi$torian rural #ngland I ha.e tried to suggest in this $hapter, answer #dmund 0osse2s famous reproof 4:hat has /ro.iden$e done to Mr' !ard" that he should rise up in the ara3le land of :esse) and shake his fist at his &reatorD5 !e might as reasona3l" ha.e inquired wh" the Atreids should ha.e shaken their 3ron=e fists sk"wards at M"$enae' *his is not the pla$e to penetrate far into the shadows 3eside #gdon !eath' :hat is definitel" known is that in 18AB !ard", then twent";se.en "ears old, returned to <orset from his ar$hite$tural studies in (ondon and fell profoundl" in lo.e with his si)teen;"ear;old $ousin *r"phena' *he" 3e$ame engaged' 7i.e "ears later, and in$omprehensi3l", the engagement was 3roken' *hough not a3solutel" pro.en, it now seems $lear that the engagement was 3roken 3" the re.elation to !ard" of a .er" sinister skeleton in the famil" $up3oard *r"phena was not his $ousin, 3ut his illegitimate half;sister2s illegitimate daughter' &ountless poems of !ard"2s hint at it 4At the wi$ket gate,5 46he did not turn,5 4!er immortalit"5M and man" others+ and that there were se.eral re$ent illegitima$ies on the maternal side in his famil" is pro.en' !ard" himself was 3orn 4fi.e months from the altar'5 *he pious ha.e sometimes maintained that he 3roke his engagement for $lass reasons8he was too mu$h the rising "oung master to put up with a simple <orset girl' It is true he did marr" a3o.e himself in 18B48to the disastrousl" insensiti.e (a.inia 0ifford' ?ut *r"phena was an e)$eptional "oung woman+ she 3e$ame the headmistress of a /l"mouth
s$hool at the age of twent", ha.ing passed out fifth from her tea$hers2 training $ollege in (ondon' It is diffi$ult not to a$$ept that some terri3le famil" se$ret was what reall" for$ed them to separate' It was a fortunate se$ret, of $ourse, in one wa", sin$e ne.er was an #nglish genius so de.oted and inde3ted to one muse and one muse onl"' It gi.es us all his greatest lo.e elegies' It ga.e us 6ue ?ridehead and *ess, who are pure *r"phena in spirit+ and Jude the ) scure is e.en ta$itl" dedi$ated to her in !ard"2s own prefa$e 84*he s$heme was laid down in 18JF ''' some of the $ir$umstan$es 3eing suggested 3" the death of a woman '''5 *r"phena, 3" then married to another man, had died in that "ear'
NM >ot the greatest, 3ut one of the most re.ealing poems, in this $onte)t, that !ard" e.er wrote' Its first .ersion ma" 3e dated to 18JB' 0osse2s ke" question was asked in the $ourse of a re.iew of Jude the ) scure in 9anuar" 18JA'O
*his tension, then83etween lust and renun$iation, und"ing re$olle$tion and und"ing repression, l"ri$al surrender and tragi$ dut", 3etween the sordid fa$ts and their no3le use8 energi=es and e)plains one of the age2s greatest writers+ and 3e"ond him, stru$tures the whole age itself' It is this I ha.e digressed to remind "ou of' 6o let us des$end to our own sheep' 1ou will guess now wh" 6am and Mar" were on their wa" to the 3arn+ and as it was not the first time the" had gone there, "ou will perhaps understand 3etter Mar"2s tears ''' and wh" she knew a little more a3out sin than one might ha.e suspe$ted at first sight of her nineteen;"ear;old fa$e+ or would ha.e suspe$ted, had one passed through <or$hester later that same "ear, from the fa$e of a 3etter edu$ated though three "ears "ounger girl in the real world+ who stands, ins$ruta3le for eternit" now, 3eside the pale "oung ar$hite$t newl" returned from his drear" fi.e "ears in the $apital and a3out to 3e$ome (4*ill the flame had eaten her 3reasts, and mouth and hair5) the perfe$t em3lem of his age2s greatest m"ster"'
36
?ut on her forehead sits a fire 6he sets her forward $ountenan$e And leaps into the future $han$e,
6u3mitting all things to desire' 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)
#)eter, a hundred "ears ago, was a great deal farther from the $apital than it is toda"+ and it therefore still pro.ided for itself some of the wi$ked amenities all ?ritain now flo$ks to (ondon to enCo"' It would 3e an e)aggeration to sa" that the $it" had a red light quarter in 18AB+ for all that it had a distin$tl" lou$he area, rather awa" from the $enter of the town and the $ar3oli$ presen$e of the &athedral' It o$$upied a part of the $it" that slopes down towards the ri.er, on$e, in the da"s (alread" well past in 18AB) when it was a $onsidera3le port, the heart of #)eter life' It $onsisted of a warren of streets still with man" *udor houses, 3adl" lit, malodorous, teeming' *here were 3rothels there, and dan$e halls and gin pla$es+ 3ut rather more frequent were .ariousl" undone girls and women8unmarried mothers, mistresses, a whole population in retreat from the $laustropho3i$ .illages and small towns of <e.on' It was notoriousl" a pla$e to hide, in short+ $rammed with $heap lodging houses and inns like that one des$ri3ed 3" 6arah in :e"mouth, safe san$tuaries from the stern moral tide that swept elsewhere through the life of the $ountr"' #)eter was, in all this, no e)$eption8all the larger pro.in$ial towns of the time had to find room for this unfortunate arm" of female wounded in the 3attle for uni.ersal mas$uline purit"' In a street on the fringe of this area there stood a row of 0eorgian terra$e houses' >o dou3t the" had when 3uilt enCo"ed a pleasant prospe$t down towards the ri.er' ?ut warehouses had gone up and 3lo$ked that .iew+ the houses had most .isi3l" lost self;$onfiden$e in their natural elegan$e' *heir woodwork la$ked paint, their roofs tiles, the door panels were split' ,ne or two were still pri.ate residen$es+ 3ut a $entral 3lo$k of fi.e, made sha33il" uniform 3" a 3lasphemous appli$ation of dull 3rown paint to the original 3ri$k, de$lared themsel.es in a long wooden sign o.er the $entral doorwa" of the fi.e to 3e a hotel8#ndi$ott2s 7amil" !otel, to 3e pre$ise' It was owned, and administered (as the wooden sign also informed passers;3") 3" Mrs' Martha #ndi$ott, whose $hief $hara$teristi$ ma" 3e said to ha.e 3een a su3lime la$k of $uriosit" a3out her $lientele' 6he was a thoroughl" <e.on woman+ that is, she did not see intending guests, 3ut onl" the mone" their sta" would represent' 6he $lassified those who stood in her little offi$e off the hall a$$ordingl" ten;shillinger, twel.e;shillinger, fifteener, and so on ''' the pri$es referring to the $harge per week' *hose a$$ustomed to 3eing fifteen shillings down e.er" time the" tou$h a 3ell in a modern hotel must not think that her hotel was $heap+ the normal rent for a $ottage in those da"s
was a shilling a week, two at most' Ger" ni$e little houses in #)eter $ould ha.e 3een rented for si) or se.en shillings+ and ten shillings a week for the $heapest room made #ndi$ott2s 7amil", though without an" o3.ious Custifi$ation 3e"ond the rapa$it" of the proprietress, on the $hoi$e side' It is a gra" e.ening turning into night' Alread" the two gaslamps on the pa.ement opposite ha.e 3een pulled to 3rightness 3" the lamplighter2s long pole and illumine the raw 3ri$k of the warehouse walls' *here are se.eral lights on in the rooms of the hotel+ 3righter on the ground floor, softer a3o.e, sin$e as in so man" Gi$torian houses the gaspipes had 3een $onsidered too e)pensi.e to 3e allowed upstairs, and there oil lamps are still in use' *hrough one ground;floor window, 3" the main door, Mrs' #ndi$ott herself $an 3e seen at a ta3le 3" a small $oal fire, poring o.er her ?i3le8 that is, her a$$ounts ledger+ and if we tra.erse diagonall" up from that window to another in the endmost house to the right, a darkened top;floor window, whose murre" $urtains are still not drawn, we $an Cust see a good e)ample of a twel.e;and;si)er8though here I mean the room, not the guest' It is reall" two rooms, a small sitting room and an e.en smaller 3edroom, 3oth made out of one de$ent;si=ed 0eorgian room' *he walls are papered in an indeterminate pattern of minute 3istre flowers' *here is a worn $arpet, a round;topped tripod ta3le $o.ered 3" a dark green rep $loth, on the $orners of whi$h someone had on$e attempted8e.identl" the .er" first attempt8to tea$h herself em3roider"+ two awkward arm$hairs, o.er$ar.ed wood garnished 3" a tired pu$e .el.et, a dark;3rown mahogan" $hest of drawers' ,n the wall, a fo)ed print of &harles :esle", and a .er" 3ad water$olor of #)eter &athedral8re$ei.ed in relu$tant part pa"ment, some "ears 3efore, from a lad" in redu$ed $ir$umstan$es' Apart from a small $latter of applian$es 3eneath the tin" 3arred fire, now a sleeping ru3", that was the in.entor" of the room' ,nl" one small detail sa.ed it the white mar3le surround of the firepla$e, whi$h was 0eorgian, and showed a3o.e gra$eful n"mphs with $ornu$opias of flowers' /erhaps the" had alwa"s had a faint air of surprise a3out their $lassi$al fa$es+ the" $ertainl" seemed to ha.e it now, to see what awful $hanges a mere hundred "ears $ould work in a nation2s $ulture' *he" had 3een 3orn into a pleasant pine;paneled room+ now the" found themsel.es in a ding" $ell' *he" must surel", if the" had 3een $apa3le, ha.e 3reathed a sigh of relief when the door opened and the hitherto a3sent o$$upant stood silhouetted in the doorwa"' *hat strange;$ut $oat, that 3la$k 3onnet, that indigo dress with its small white $ollar ''' 3ut 6arah $ame 3riskl", almost eagerl" in' *his was not her arri.al at the #ndi$ott 7amil"' !ow she had $ome there 8se.eral da"s 3efore8was simple' *he name of the hotel had 3een a sort of
Coke at the a$adem" where she studied as a girl in #)eter+ the adCe$ti.e was taken as a noun, and it was supposed that the #ndi$otts were so multiplied that the" required a whole hotel to themsel.es' 6arah had found herself standing at the 6hip, where the <or$hester omni3uses ended their run' !er 3o) was waiting+ had arri.ed the pre.ious da"' A porter asked her where she was to go' 6he had a moment of pani$' >o read" name $ame to her mind e)$ept that dim remem3ered Coke' A something a3out the porter2s fa$e when he heard her destination must ha.e told her she had not $hosen the most distinguished pla$e to sta" in #)eter' ?ut he humped her 3o) without argument and she followed him down through the town to the quarter I ha.e alread" mentioned' 6he was not taken 3" the appearan$e of the pla$e8in her memor" (3ut she had onl" seen it on$e) it was homelier, more dignified, more open ''' howe.er, 3eggars $annot 3e $hoosers' It relie.ed her somewhat that her solitar" situation e.oked no $omment' 6he paid o.er a week2s room mone" in ad.an$e, and that was e.identl" suffi$ient re$ommendation' 6he had intended to take the $heapest room, 3ut when she found that onl" one room was offered for ten shillings 3ut one and a half for the e)tra half;$rown, she had $hanged her mind' 6he $ame swiftl" inside the room and shut the door' A mat$h was stru$k and applied to the wi$k of the lamp, whose milk;glass diffuser, on$e the 4$himne"5 was repla$ed, gentl" repelled the night' *hen she tore off her 3onnet and shook her hair loose in her $hara$teristi$ wa"' 6he lifted the $an.as 3ag she was $arr"ing onto the ta3le, e.identl" too an)ious to unpa$k it to 3e 3othered to take off her $oat' 6lowl" and $arefull" she lifted out one after the other a row of wrapped o3Ce$ts and pla$ed them on the green $loth' *hen she put the 3asket on the floor, and started to unwrap her pur$hases' 6he 3egan with a 6taffordshire teapot with a prett" $olored transfer of a $ottage 3" a stream and a pair of lo.ers (she looked $losel" at the lo.ers)+ and then a *o3" Cug, not one of those garish;$olored monstrosities of Gi$torian manufa$ture, 3ut a deli$ate little thing in pale mau.e and primrose;"ellow, the Coll" man2s features $harmingl" la$quered 3" a soft 3lue gla=e ($erami$ e)perts ma" re$ogni=e a Ralph :ood)' *hose two pur$hases had $ost 6arah ninepen$e in an old $hina shop+ the *o3" was $ra$ked, and was to 3e re$ra$ked in the $ourse of time, as I $an testif", ha.ing 3ought it m"self a "ear or two ago for a good deal more than the three pennies 6arah was $harged' ?ut unlike her, I fell for the Ralph :ood part of it' 6he fell for the smile' 6arah had, though we ha.e ne.er seen it e)er$ised, an aestheti$ sense+ or perhaps it was an emotional sense8a rea$tion against the dreadful de$or in
whi$h she found herself' 6he did not ha.e the least idea of the age of her little *o3"' ?ut she had a dim feeling that it had 3een mu$h used, had passed through man" hands ''' and was now hers' =as now hers8she set it on the mantelpie$e and, still in her $oat, stared at it with a $hildlike a3sorption, as if not to lose an" atom of this first faint taste of ownership' !er re.erie was 3roken 3" footsteps in the passage outside' 6he threw a 3rief 3ut intense look at the door' *he footsteps passed on' >ow 6arah took off her $oat and poked the fire into life+ then set a 3la$kened kettle on the ho3' 6he turned again to her other pur$hases a twisted paper of tea, another of sugar, a small metal $an of milk she set 3eside the teapot' *hen she took the remaining three par$els and went into the 3edroom a 3ed, a mar3le washstand, a small mirror, a sad s$rap of $arpet, and that was all' ?ut she had e"es onl" for her par$els' *he first $ontained a nightgown' 6he did not tr" it against herself, 3ut laid it on the 3ed+ and then unwrapped her ne)t par$el' It was a dark;green shawl, merino fringed with emerald; green silk' *his she held in a strange sort of tran$e8no dou3t at its sheer e)pense, for it $ost a good deal more than all her other pur$hases put together' At last she pensi.el" raised and tou$hed its fine soft material against her $heek, staring down at the nightgown+ and then in the first trul" feminine gesture I ha.e permitted her, mo.ed a tress of her 3rown;au3urn hair forward to lie on the green $loth+ a moment later she shook the s$arf out 8it was wide, more than a "ard a$ross, and twisted it round her shoulders' More staring, this time into the mirror+ and then she returned to the 3ed and arranged the s$arf round the shoulders of the laid;out nightgown' 6he unwrapped the third and smallest par$el+ 3ut this was merel" a roll of 3andage, whi$h, stopping a moment to stare 3a$k at the green;and;white arrangement on the 3ed, she $arried 3a$k into the other room and put in a drawer of the mahogan" $hest, Cust as the kettle lid 3egan to rattle' &harles2s purse had $ontained ten so.ereigns, and this alone8ne.er mind what else ma" ha.e 3een in.ol.ed8was enough to transform 6arah2s approa$h to the e)ternal world' #a$h night sin$e she had first $ounted those ten golden $oins, she had $ounted them again' >ot like a miser, 3ut as one who goes to see some film again and again8out of an irresisti3le pleasure in the stor", in $ertain images ''' 7or da"s, when she first arri.ed in #)eter, she spent nothing, onl" the 3arest amounts, and then from her own pitiful sa.ings, on sustenan$e+ 3ut stared at shops at dresses, at $hairs, ta3les, gro$eries, wines, a hundred things that had $ome to seem hostile to her, taunters, mo$kers, so man" two; fa$ed $iti=ens of ("me, a.oiding her e"es when she passed 3efore them and
grinning when she had passed 3ehind' *his was wh" she had taken so long to 3u" a teapot' 1ou $an make do with a kettle+ and her po.ert" had inured her to not ha.ing, had so profoundl" remo.ed from her the appetite to 3u" that, like some sailor who has su3sisted for weeks on half a 3is$uit a da", she $ould not eat all the food that was now hers for the asking' :hi$h does not mean she was unhapp"+ .er" far from it' 6he was simpl" enCo"ing the first holida" of her adult life' 6he made the tea' 6mall golden flames, refle$ted, gleamed 3a$k from the pot in the hearth' 6he seemed waiting in the quiet light and $ra$kle, the firethrown shadows' /erhaps "ou think she must, to 3e so $hanged, so apparentl" equanimous and $ontented with her lot, ha.e heard from or of &harles' ?ut not a word' And I no more intend to find out what was going on in her mind as she firega=ed than I did on that other o$$asion when her e"es welled tears in the silent night of Marl3orough !ouse' After a while she roused herself and went to the $hest of drawers and took from a top $ompartment a teaspoon and a $up without a sau$er' !a.ing poured her tea at the ta3le, she unwrapped the last of her par$els' It was a small meat pie' *hen she 3egan to eat, and without an" deli$a$" whatsoe.er'
37
Respe$ta3ilit" has spread its leaden mantle o.er the whole $ountr" ' ' ' and the man wins the ra$e who $an worship that great goddess with the most undi.ided de.otion' 8(#6(I# 6*#/!#>, *5etches from Cam ridge (18AE) *he 3ourgeoisie ' ' ' $ompels all nations, on pain of e)tin$tion, to adopt the 3ourgeois mode of produ$tion+ it $ompels them to introdu$e what it $alls $i.ili=ation into their midst, that is, to 3e$ome 3ourgeois themsel.es' In one word, it $reates a world after its own image' 8MARX, Communist 2anifesto (1848)
&harles2s se$ond formal inter.iew with #rnestina2s father was a good deal less pleasant than the first, though that was in no wa" the fault of Mr'
7reeman' In spite of his se$ret feeling a3out the aristo$ra$"8that the" were so man" drones8he was, in the more outward aspe$ts of his life, a sno3' !e made it his 3usiness8and one he looked after as well as his flourishing other 3usiness8to seem in all wa"s a gentleman' &ons$iousl" he 3elie.ed he was a perfe$t gentleman+ and perhaps it was onl" in his o3sessi.e determination to appear one that we $an dete$t a $ertain inner dou3t' *hese new re$ruits to the upper middle $lass were in a tiresome position' If the" sensed themsel.es re$ruits so$iall", the" knew .er" well that the" were powerful $aptains in their own world of $ommer$e' 6ome $hose another .ersion of $r"pti$ $oloration and went in .er" $omprehensi.el" (like Mr' 9orro$ks) for the pursuits, propert" and manners of the true $ountr" gentleman' ,thers8like Mr' 7reeman8tried to redefine the term' Mr' 7reeman had a newl" 3uilt mansion in the 6urre" pinewoods, 3ut his wife and daughter li.ed there a good deal more frequentl" than he did' !e was in his wa" a forerunner of the modern ri$h $ommuter, e)$ept that he spent onl" his weekends there8and then rarel" 3ut in summer' And where his modern homologue goes in for golf, or roses, or gin and adulter", Mr' 7reeman went in for earnestness' Indeed, /rofit and #arnestness (in that order) might ha.e 3een his motto' !e had thri.ed on the great so$ial;e$onomi$ $hange that took pla$e 3etween 18EF and 18BF8the shift of a$$ent from manufa$tor" to shop, from produ$er to $ustomer' *hat first great wa.e of $onspi$uous $onsumption had suited his a$$ounting 3ooks .er" ni$el"+ and 3" wa" of $ompensation8and in imitation of an earlier generation of /uritan profiteers, who had also preferred hunting sin to hunting the fo)8he had 3e$ome e)$essi.el" earnest and &hristian in his pri.ate life' 9ust as some t"$oons of our own time go in for $olle$ting art, $o.ering e)$ellent in.estment with a ni$e patina of philanthrop", Mr' 7reeman $ontri3uted handsomel" to the 6o$iet" for the /ropagation of &hristian Hnowledge and similar militant $harities' !is apprenti$es, impro.ers and the rest were atro$iousl" lodged and e)ploited 3" our standards+ 3ut 3" those of 18AB, 7reeman2s was an e)$eptionall" ad.an$ed esta3lishment, a model of its kind' :hen he went to hea.en, he would ha.e a happ" la3or for$e 3ehind him+ and his heirs would ha.e the profit therefrom' !e was a gra.e headmasterl" man, with intense gra" e"es, whose shrewdness rather tended to make all who $ame under their sur.e" feel like an inferior pie$e of Man$hester goods' !e listened to &harles2s news, howe.er, without an" sign of emotion, though he nodded gra.el" when &harles $ame to the end of his e)planation' A silen$e followed' *he inter.iew took pla$e in Mr' 7reeman2s stud" in the !"de /ark house' It ga.e
no hint of his profession' *he walls were lined 3" suita3l" solemn;looking 3ooks+ a 3ust of Mar$us Aurelius (or was it (ord /almerston in his 3athD)+ one or two large 3ut indeterminate engra.ings, whether of $arni.als or 3attles it was hard to esta3lish, though the" managed to gi.e the impression of an in$hoate humanit" a .er" great distan$e from present surroundings' Mr' 7reeman $leared his throat and stared at the red and gilt moro$$o of his desk+ he seemed a3out to pronoun$e, 3ut $hanged his mind' 4*his is most surprising' Most surprising'5 More silen$e followed, in whi$h &harles felt half irritated and half amused' !e saw he was in for a dose of the solemn papa' ?ut sin$e he had in.ited it, he $ould onl" suffer in the silen$e that followed, and swallowed, that unsatisfa$tor" response' Mr' 7reeman2s pri.ate rea$tion had in fa$t 3een more that of a 3usinessman than of a gentleman, for the thought whi$h had flashed immediatel" through his mind was that &harles had $ome to ask for an in$rease in the marriage portion' *hat he $ould easil" afford+ 3ut a terri3le possi3ilit" had simultaneousl" o$$urred to him8that &harles had known all along of his un$le2s pro3a3le marriage' *he one thing he loathed was to 3e worsted in an important 3usiness deal8and this, after all, was one that $on$erned the o3Ce$t he most $herished' &harles at last 3roke the silen$e' 4I need hardl" add that this de$ision of m" un$le2s $omes as a .er" great surprise to m"self as well'5 4,f $ourse, of $ourse'5 4?ut I felt it m" dut" to apprise "ou of it at on$e8and in person'5 4Most $orre$t of "ou' And #rnestina ''' she knowsD5 46he was the first I told' 6he is naturall" influen$ed 3" the affe$tions she has done me the honor of 3estowing on me'5 &harles hesitated, then felt in his po$ket' 4I 3ear a letter to "ou from her'5 !e stood and pla$ed it on the desk, where Mr' 7reeman stared at it with those shrewd gra" e"es, e.identl" preo$$upied with other thoughts' 41ou ha.e still a .er" fair pri.ate in$ome, ha.e "ou notD5 4I $annot pretend to ha.e 3een left a pauper'5 4*o whi$h we must add the possi3ilit" that "our un$le ma" not 3e so fortunate as e.entuall" to ha.e an heirD5 4*hat is so'5 4And the $ertaint" that #rnestina does not $ome to "ou without due pro.isionD5 41ou ha.e 3een most generous'5 4And one da" I shall 3e $alled to eternal rest'5 4M" dear sir, I84 *he gentleman had won' Mr' 7reeman stood' 4?etween oursel.es we
ma" sa" these things' I shall 3e .er" frank with "ou, m" dear &harles' M" prin$ipal $onsideration is m" daughter2s happiness' ?ut I do not need to tell "ou of the pri=e she represents in finan$ial terms' :hen "ou asked m" permission to soli$it her hand, not the least of "our re$ommendations in m" e"es was m" assuran$e that the allian$e would 3e mutual respe$t and mutual worth' I ha.e "our assuran$e that "our $hanged $ir$umstan$es ha.e $ome on "ou like a 3olt from the 3lue' >o stranger to "our moral re$titude $ould possi3l" impute to "ou an igno3le moti.e' *hat is m" onl" $on$ern'5 4As it is most emphati$all" mine, sir'5 More silen$e followed' ?oth knew what was reall" 3eing said that mali$ious gossip must now surround the marriage' &harles would 3e de$lared to ha.e had wind of his loss of prospe$ts 3efore his proposal+ #rnestina would 3e sneered at for ha.ing lost the title she $ould so easil" ha.e 3ought elsewhere' 4I had 3etter read the letter' /ra" e)$use me'5 !e raised his solid gold letter;knife and slit the en.elope open' &harles went to a window and stared out at the trees of !"de /ark' *here 3e"ond the $hain of $arriages in the ?a"swater Road, he saw a girl8a shopgirl or maid 3" the look of her8 waiting on a 3en$h 3efore the railings+ and e.en as he wat$hed a red; Ca$keted soldier $ame up' !e saluted8 and she turned' It was too far to see her fa$e, 3ut the eagerness of her turn made it $lear that the two were lo.ers' *he soldier took her hand and pressed it momentaril" to his heart' 6omething was said' *hen she slipped her hand under his arm and the" 3egan to walk slowl" towards ,)ford 6treet' &harles 3e$ame lost in this little s$ene+ and started when Mr' 7reeman $ame 3eside him, the letter in hand' !e was smiling' 4/erhaps I should read what she sa"s in a posts$ript'5 !e adCusted his sil.er;rimmed spe$ta$les' 4 KIf "ou listen to &harles2s nonsense for one moment, I shall make him elope with me to /aris'25 !e looked dril" up at &harles' 4It seems we are gi.en no alternati.e'5 &harles smiled faintl"' 4?ut if "ou should wish for further time to refle$t '''5 Mr' 7reeman pla$ed his hand on the s$rupulous one2s shoulder' 4I shall tell her that I find her intended e.en more admira3le in ad.ersit" than in good fortune' And I think the sooner "ou return to ("me the 3etter it will 3e'5 41ou do me great kindness'5 4In making m" daughter so happ", "ou do me an e.en greater one' !er letter is not all in su$h fri.olous terms'5 !e took &harles 3" the arm and led him 3a$k into the room' 4And m" dear &harles '''5 this phrase ga.e Mr' 7reeman a $ertain pleasure, 4''' I do not think the ne$essit" to regulate one2s
e)penditure a little when first married is altogether a 3ad thing' ?ut should $ir$umstan$es ''' "ou know what I mean'5 4Most kind '''5 4(et us sa" no more'5 Mr' 7reeman took out his ke"$hain and opened a drawer of his desk and pla$ed his daughter2s letter inside, as if it were some pre$ious state do$ument+ or perhaps he knew rather more a3out ser.ants than most Gi$torian emplo"ers' As he relo$ked the desk he looked up at &harles, who now had the disagreea3le impression that he had himself 3e$ome an emplo"ee8a fa.ored one, to 3e sure, 3ut somehow now in this $ommer$ial giant2s disposal' :orse was to follow+ perhaps, after all, the gentleman had not alone determined Mr' 7reeman2s kindness' 4Ma" I now, sin$e the moment is $on.enient, open m" heart to "ou on another matter that $on$erns #rnestina and "ourselfD5 &harles 3owed in polite assent, 3ut Mr' 7reeman seemed for a moment at a loss for words' !e rather fussil" repla$ed his letter;knife in its appointed pla$e, then went to the window the" had so re$entl" left' *hen he turned' 4M" dear &harles, I $ount m"self a fortunate man in e.er" respe$t' #)$ept one'5 !e addressed the $arpet' 4I ha.e no son'5 !e stopped again, then ga.e his son;in;law a pro3ing look' 4I understand that $ommer$e must seem a3horrent to "ou' It is not a gentleman2s o$$upation'5 4*hat is mere $ant, sir' 1ou are "ourself a li.ing proof that it is so'5 4<o "ou mean thatD ,r are "ou perhaps 3ut gi.ing me another form of $antD5 *he iron;gra" e"es were suddenl" .er" dire$t' &harles was at a loss for a moment' !e opened his hands' 4I see what an" intelligent man must8the great utilit" of $ommer$e, its essential pla$e in our nation2s84 4Ah "es' *hat is Cust what e.er" politi$ian sa"s' *he" ha.e to, 3e$ause the prosperit" of our $ountr" depends on it' ?ut would "ou like it to 3e said of "ou that "ou were ''' in tradeD5 4*he possi3ilit" has ne.er arisen'5 4?ut sa" it should ariseD5 41ou mean ''' I'''5 At last he reali=ed what his father;in;law was dri.ing at+ and seeing his sho$k, the father;in;law hastil" made wa" for the gentleman' 4,f $ourse I don2t mean that "ou should 3other "ourself with the da";to; da" affairs of m" enterprise' *hat is the dut" of m" superintendents, m" $lerks, and the rest' ?ut m" 3usiness is prospering, &harles' >e)t "ear we shall open emporia in ?ristol and ?irmingham' *he" are 3ut the 3eginning' I $annot offer "ou a geographi$al or politi$al empire' ?ut I am $on.in$ed that one da" an empire of sorts will $ome to #rnestina and "ourself'5 Mr'
7reeman 3egan to walk up and down' 4:hen it seemed $lear that "our future duties la" in the administration of "our un$le2s estate I said nothing' ?ut "ou ha.e energ", edu$ation, great a3ilit" '''5 4?ut m" ignoran$e of what "ou so kindl" suggest is ''' well, .er" nearl" total'5 Mr' 7reeman wa.ed the o3Ce$tion aside' 4Matters like pro3it", the $apa$it" to $ommand respe$t, to Cudge men shrewdl"8all those are of far greater import' And I do not 3elie.e "ou poor in su$h qualities'5 4I2m not sure I know full" what "ou are suggesting'5 4I suggest nothing immediate' In an" $ase for the ne)t "ear or two "ou ha.e "our marriage to think of' 1ou will not want outside $ares and interests at su$h a time' ?ut should a da" $ome when it would ''' amuse "ou to know more of the great $ommer$e "ou will one da" inherit through #rnestina, nothing would 3ring me ''' or m" wife, ma" I add ''' greater pleasure than to further that interest'5 4*he last thing I wish is to appear ungrateful, 3ut ''' that is, it seems so dis$onsonant with m" natural pro$li.ities, what small talents I ha.e '''5 4I am suggesting no more than a partnership' In pra$ti$al terms, nothing more onerous to 3egin with than an o$$asional .isit to the offi$e of management, a most general super.ision of what is going on' I think "ou would 3e surprised at the t"pe of man I now emplo" in the more responsi3le positions' ,ne need 3e 3" no means ashamed to know them'5 4I assure "ou m" hesitation is in no wa" due to so$ial $onsiderations'5 4*hen it $an onl" 3e $aused 3" "our modest"' And there, m" dear "oung man, "ou misCudge "ourself' *hat da" I mentioned must $ome8I shall 3e no longer there' *o 3e sure, "ou ma" dispose of what I ha.e spent m" life 3uilding up' 1ou ma" find good managers to look after it for "ou' ?ut I know what I am talking a3out' A su$$essful enterprise needs an a$ti.e owner Cust as mu$h as a good arm" needs a general' >ot all the good soldiers in the world will help unless he is there to $ommand the 3attle'5 &harles felt himself, under the first impa$t of this attra$ti.e $omparison, like 9esus of >a=areth tempted 3" 6atan' !e too had had his da"s in the wilderness to make the proposition more tempting' ?ut he was a gentleman+ and gentlemen $annot go into trade' !e sought for a wa" of sa"ing so+ and failed' In a 3usiness dis$ussion inde$ision is a sign of weakness' Mr' 7reeman sei=ed his $han$e' 41ou will ne.er get me to agree that we are all des$ended from monke"s' I find that notion 3lasphemous' ?ut I thought mu$h on some of the things "ou said during our little disagreement' I would ha.e "ou repeat what "ou said, what was it, a3out the purpose of this theor" of e.olution' A
spe$ies must $hange ''' D5 4In order to sur.i.e' It must adapt itself to $hanges in the en.ironment'5 49ust so' >ow that I $an 3elie.e' I am twent" "ears older than "ou' Moreo.er, I ha.e spent m" life in a situation where if one does not8and .er" smartl"8$hange oneself to meet the taste of the da", then one does not sur.i.e' ,ne goes 3ankrupt' *imes are $hanging, "ou know' *his is a great age of progress' And progress is like a li.el" horse' #ither one rides it, or it rides one' !ea.en for3id I should suggest that 3eing a gentleman is an insuffi$ient pursuit in life' *hat it $an ne.er 3e' ?ut this is an age of doing, great doing, &harles' 1ou ma" sa" these things do not $on$ern "ou8are 3eneath "ou' ?ut ask "ourself whether the" ought to $on$ern "ou' *hat is all I propose' 1ou must refle$t on this' *here is no need for a de$ision "et' >o need at all'5 !e paused' 4?ut "ou will not reCe$t the idea out of handD5 &harles did indeed 3" this time feel like a 3adl" stit$hed sample napkin, in all wa"s a .i$tim of e.olution' *hose old dou3ts a3out the futilit" of his e)isten$e were onl" too easil" reawakened' !e guessed now what Mr' 7reeman reall" thought of him he was an idler' And what he proposed for him that he should earn his wife2s dowr"' !e would ha.e liked to 3e dis$reetl" $old, 3ut there was a warmth in Mr' 7reeman2s .oi$e 3ehind the .ehemen$e, an assumption of relationship' It was to &harles as if he had tra.eled all his life among pleasant hills+ and now $ame to a .ast plain of tedium8and unlike the more famous pilgrim, he saw onl" <ut" and !umiliation down there 3elow8most $ertainl" not !appiness or /rogress' !e managed a look into those waiting, and penetrating, $ommer$ial e"es' 4I $onfess m"self somewhat o.erwhelmed'5 4I ask no more than that "ou should gi.e the matter thought'5 4Most $ertainl"' ,f $ourse' Most serious thought'5 Mr' 7reeman went and opened the door' !e smiled' 4I fear "ou ha.e one more ordeal' Mrs' 7reeman awaits us, agog for all the latest tittle;tattle of ("me'5 A few moments later the two men were mo.ing down a wide $orridor to the spa$ious landing that o.erlooked the grand hall of the house' (ittle in it was not in the 3est of $ontemporar" taste' 1et as the" des$ended the sweep of stairs towards the attendant footman, &harles felt o3s$urel" de3ased+ a lion $aged' !e had, with an a$ute une)pe$tedness, a poignant flash of lo.e for :ins"att, for its 4wret$hed5 old paintings and furniture+ its age, its se$urit", its savoir;vivre. *he a3stra$t idea of e.olution was entran$ing+ 3ut its pra$ti$e seemed as fraught with ostentatious .ulgarit" as the freshl" gilded &orinthian $olumns that framed the door on whose threshold he and
his tormentor now paused a se$ond8 4Mr' &harles 6mithson, madam58 3efore entering'
38
6ooner or later I too ma" passi.el" take the print ,f the golden age8wh" notD I ha.e neither hope nor trust+ Ma" make m" heart as a millstone, set m" fa$e as a flint, &heat and 3e $heated, and die who knowsD we are ashes and dust' 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)
:hen &harles at last found himself on the 3road steps of the 7reeman town mansion, it was alread" dusk, gas;lamped and $risp' *here was a faint mist, $ompounding the s$ent of the spring .erdure from the /ark a$ross the street and the old familiar soot' &harles 3reathed it in, a$rid and essential (ondon, and de$ided to walk' *he hansom that had 3een $alled for him was dismissed' !e walked with no .er" $lear purpose, in the general dire$tion of his $lu3 in 6t' 9ames+ at first 3eside the railings of !"de /ark, those hea." railings whose fall 3efore a mo3 (and under the horrified e"es of his re$ent interlo$utor) onl" three weeks later was to pre$ipitate the passing of the great Reform ?ill' !e turned then down /ark (ane' ?ut the press of traffi$ there was disagreea3le' Mid;Gi$torian traffi$ Cams were quite as 3ad as modern ones8and a good deal noisier, sin$e e.er" $arriage wheel had an iron tire to grate on the granite setts' 6o taking what he imagined would pro.e a short$ut, he plunged into the heart of Ma"fair' *he mist thi$kened, not so mu$h as to o3s$ure all, 3ut suffi$ientl" to gi.e what he passed a slightl" dreamlike qualit"+ as if he was a .isitor from another world, a &andide who $ould see nothing 3ut o3.ious e)planations, a man suddenl" depri.ed of his sense of iron"' *o 3e without su$h a fundamental aspe$t of his ps"$he was almost to 3e naked+ and this perhaps 3est des$ri3es what &harles felt' !e did not now reall" know what had dri.en him to #rnestina2s father+ the whole matter $ould ha.e 3een dealt with 3" letter' If his s$rupulousness now seemed a3;
surd, so did all this talk of po.ert", of ha.ing to regulate one2s in$ome' In those da"s, and espe$iall" on su$h a fog;threatening e.ening, the 3etter;off tra.eled 3" $arriage+ pedestrians must 3e poor' *hus almost all those &harles met were of the hum3ler $lasses+ ser.ants from the great Ma"fair houses, $lerks, shop;people, 3eggars, street sweepers (a mu$h $ommoner profession when the horse reigned), hu$ksters, ur$hins, a prostitute or two' *o all of them, he knew, a hundred pounds a "ear would ha.e 3een a fortune+ and he had Cust 3een $ommiserated with for ha.ing to s$rape 3" on twent";fi.e times that sum' &harles was no earl" so$ialist' !e did not feel the moral enormit" of his pri.ileged e$onomi$ position, 3e$ause he felt himself so far from pri.ileged in other wa"s' *he proof was all around him' ?" and large the passers and passed did not seem unhapp" with their lots, unless it was the 3eggars, and the" had to look misera3le to su$$eed' ?ut he was unhapp"+ alien and unhapp"+ he felt that the enormous apparatus rank required a gentleman to ere$t around himself was like the massi.e armor that had 3een the death warrant of so man" an$ient saurian spe$ies' !is step slowed at this image of a superseded monster' !e a$tuall" stopped, poor li.ing fossil, as the 3risker and fitter forms of life Costled 3usil" 3efore him, like pond amoe3a under a mi$ros$ope, along a small row of shops that he had $ome upon' *wo 3arrel;organists $ompeted with one another, and a 3anCo;man with 3oth' Mashed;potato men, trotter;sellers (4/enn" a trotter, "ou won2t find Kotter5), hot $hestnuts' An old woman hawking fusees+ another with a 3asket of daffodils' :atermen, turn$o$ks, dustmen with their 3a$klap $aps, me$hani$s in their square pill3o)es+ and a plague of small ragamuffins sitting on doorsteps, on $ur3s, leaning against the $arriage posts, like small .ultures' ,ne su$h lad interrupted his warming Cog8like most of the others, he was 3arefooted8to whistle shrill warning to an image;3o", who ran, 3randishing his sheaf of $olored prints, up to &harles as he stood in the wings of this animated stage' &harles turned hastil" awa" and sought a darker street' A harsh little .oi$e sped after him, $hanting derisi.e lines from a .ulgar 3allad of the "ear 4:h" don2$her $ome Kome, (ord Marmaduke, An2 Ka.e an Kot supper wi. meD An2 when we2.e 3ottomed a Cug o2 good stout :e2ll riddle;dee;ro;di;dee, ooooh, :e2ll riddle;dee;ro;di;ree'5 :hi$h reminded &harles, when at last he was safel" es$aped from the
.oi$e and its a$$ompan"ing Ceers, of that other $onstituent of (ondon air8 not as ph"si$al, 3ut as unmistaka3le as the soot8the perfume of sin' It was less the misera3le streetwomen he saw now and then, women who wat$hed him pass without soli$iting him (he had too o3.iousl" the air of a gentleman and the" were after lesser pre") than the general anon"mit" of the great $it"+ the sense that all $ould 3e hidden here, all go uno3ser.ed' ("me was a town of sharp e"es+ and this was a $it" of the 3lind' >o one turned and looked at him' !e was almost in.isi3le, he did not e)ist, and this ga.e him a sense of freedom, 3ut a terri3le sense, for he had in reality lost it 8it was like :ins"att, in short' All in his life was lost+ and all reminded him that it was lost' A man and a woman who hurried past spoke 7ren$h+ were 7ren$h' And then &harles found himself wishing he were in /aris8from that, that he were a3road ''' tra.eling' AgainI 1f 1 could only escape- if 1 could only escape ''' he murmured the words to himself a do=en times+ then metaphori; $all" shook himself for 3eing so impra$ti$al, so romanti$, so dutiless' !e passed a mews, not then a fashiona3le row of 3iCou 4maisonettes5 3ut noisil" in pursuit of its original fun$tion horses 3eing $urried and groomed, equipages 3eing drawn out, hoo.es $la$king as the" were 3a$ked 3etween shafts, a $oa$hman whistling noisil" as he washed the sides of his $arriage, all in preparation for the e.ening2s work' An astounding theor" $rossed &harles2s mind the lower orders were se$retl" happier than the upper' *he" were not, as the radi$als would ha.e one 3elie.e, the suffering infrastru$ture groaning under the opulent follies of the ri$h+ 3ut mu$h more like happ" parasites' !e remem3ered ha.ing $ome, a few months 3efore, on a hedgehog in the gardens of :ins"att' !e had tapped it with his sti$k and made it roll up+ and 3etween its ere$t spines he had seen a swarm of distur3ed fleas' !e had 3een suffi$ientl" the 3iologist to 3e more fas$inated than re.olted 3" this interrelation of worlds+ as he was now suffi$ientl" depressed to see who was the hedgehog an animal whose onl" means of defense was to lie as if dead and ere$t its pri$kles, its aristo$rati$ sensi3ilities' A little later he $ame to an ironmonger2s, and stood outside staring through the windows at the $ounter, at the ironmonger in his 3owler and $otton apron, $ounting $andles to a ten;"ear;old girl who stared up at him, her red fingers alread" holding high the penn" to 3e taken' *rade' &ommer$e' And he flushed, remem3ering what had 3een offered' !e saw now it was an insult, a $ontempt for his $lass, that had prompted the suggestion' 7reeman must know he $ould ne.er go into 3usiness, pla" the shopkeeper' !e should ha.e reCe$ted the suggestion i$il" at its .er" first mention+ 3ut how $ould he, when all his wealth was to $ome from that .er"
sour$eD And here we $ome near the real germ of &harles2s dis$ontent this feeling that he was now the 3ought hus3and, his in;law2s puppet' >e.er mind that su$h marriages were traditional in his $lass+ the tradition had sprung from an age when polite marriage was a pu3li$l" a$$epted 3usiness $ontra$t that neither hus3and nor wife was e)pe$ted to honor mu$h 3e"ond its terms mone" for rank' ?ut marriage now was a $haste and sa$red union, a &hristian $eremon" for the $reation of pure lo.e, not pure $on.enien$e' #.en if he had 3een $"ni$ enough to attempt it, he knew #rnestina would ne.er allow su$h lo.e to 3e$ome a se$ondar" prin$iple in their marriage' !er $onstant test would 3e that he lo.ed her, and onl" her' 7rom that would follow the other ne$essities his gratitude for her mone", this 3eing morall" 3la$kmailed into a partnership ''' And as if 3" some fatal magi$ he $ame to a $orner' 7illing the end of a dark side street was a tall lit fa$ade' !e had thought 3" now to 3e near /i$$adill"+ 3ut this golden pala$e at the end of a sepia $hasm was to his north, and he reali=ed that he had lost his sense of dire$tion and $ome out upon ,)ford 6treet '' ' and "es, fatal $oin$iden$e, upon that pre$ise ,)ford 6treet o$$upied 3" Mr' 7reeman2s great store' As if magneti=ed he walked down the side street towards it, out into ,)ford 6treet, so that he $ould see the whole length of the "ellow;tiered giant (its windows had 3een latel" $hanged to the new plate glass), with its $rowded arra"s of $ottons, la$es, gowns, rolls of $loths' 6ome of the $"linders and $urli$ues of new aniline $olor seemed almost to stain the air around them, so intense, so nouveau riche were the"' ,n ea$h arti$le stood the white ti$ket that announ$ed its pri$e' *he store was still open, and people passed through its doors' &harles tried to imagine himself passing through them, and failed totall"' !e would rather ha.e 3een the 3eggar $rou$hed in the doorwa" 3eside him' It was not simpl" that the store no longer seemed what it had 3een 3efore to him8a wr" Coke, a goldmine in Australia, a pla$e that hardl" e)isted in realit"' It now showed itself full of power+ a great engine, a 3ehemoth that stood waiting to su$k in and grind all that $ame near it' *o so man" men, e.en then, to ha.e stood and known that that huge 3uilding, and others like it, and its gold, its power, all la" easil" in his grasp, must ha.e seemed a hea.en on earth' 1et &harles stood on the pa.ement opposite and $losed his e"es, as if he hoped he might o3literate it fore.er' *o 3e sure there was something 3ase in his reCe$tion8a mere sno33ism, a letting himself 3e Cudged and swa"ed 3" an audien$e of an$estors' *here was something la=" in it+ a fear of work, of routine, of $on$entration on detail' *here was something $owardl" in it, as well8for &harles, as "ou ha.e pro3a3l" noti$ed, was frightened 3" other human 3eings and espe$iall"
3" those 3elow his own $lass' *he idea of 3eing in $onta$t with all those silhouetted shadows he saw thronging 3efore the windows and passing in and out of the doors a$ross the street8it ga.e him a nausea' It was an impossi3ilit"' ?ut there was one no3le element in his reCe$tion a sense that the pursuit of mone" was an insuffi$ient purpose in life' !e would ne.er 3e a <arwin or a <i$kens, a great artist or s$ientist+ he would at worst 3e a dilettante, a drone, a what;"ou;will that lets others work and $ontri3utes nothing' ?ut he gained a queer sort of momentar" self;respe$t in his nothingness, a sense that $hoosing to 3e nothing8to ha.e nothing 3ut pri$kles8was the last sa.ing gra$e of a gentleman+ his last freedom, almost' It $ame to him .er" $learl" If I e.er set foot in that pla$e I am done for' *his dilemma ma" seem a .er" histori$al one to "ou+ and I hold no parti$ular 3rief for the 0entleman, in 1JAJ far more of a d"ing spe$ies than e.en &harles2s pessimisti$ imagination might ha.e foreseen on that long;ago April e.ening' <eath is not in the nature of things+ it is the nature of things' ?ut what dies is the form' *he matter is immortal' *here runs through this su$$ession of superseded forms we $all e)isten$e a $ertain kind of afterlife' :e $an tra$e the Gi$torian gentleman2s 3est qualities 3a$k to the parfit knights and preu! chevaliers of the Middle Ages+ and tra$e them forward into the modern gentleman, that 3reed we $all s$ientists, sin$e that is where the ri.er has undou3tedl" run' In other words, e.er" $ulture, howe.er undemo$rati$, or howe.er egalitarian, needs a kind of self;questioning, ethi$al elite, and one that is 3ound 3" $ertain rules of $ondu$t, some of whi$h ma" 3e .er" unethi$al, and so a$$ount for the e.entual death of the form, though their hidden purpose is good to 3ra$e or a$t as stru$ture for the 3etter effe$ts of their fun$tion in histor"' /erhaps "ou see .er" little link 3etween the &harles of 1LAB with all his newfangled 7ren$h notions of $hastit" and $hasing after !ol" 0rails, the &harles of 18AB with his loathing of trade, and the &harles of toda", a $omputer s$ientist deaf to the s$reams of the tender humanists who 3egin to dis$ern their own redundan$"' ?ut there is a link the" all reCe$ted or reCe$t the notion of possession as the purpose of life, whether it 3e of a woman2s 3od", or of high profit at all $osts, or of the right to di$tate the speed of progress' *he s$ientist is 3ut one more form+ and will 3e superseded' >ow all this is the great and timeless rele.an$e of the >ew *estament m"th of the *emptation in the :ilderness' All who ha.e insight and edu$ation ha.e automati$all" their own wilderness+ and at some point in their life the" will ha.e their temptation' *heir reCe$tion ma" 3e foolish+ 3ut it is ne.er e.il' 1ou ha.e Cust turned down a tempting offer in $ommer$ial
applied s$ien$e in order to $ontinue "our a$ademi$ tea$hingD 1our last e)hi3ition did not sell as well as the pre.ious one, 3ut "ou are determined to keep to "our new st"leD 1ou ha.e Cust made some de$ision in whi$h "our personal 3enefit, "our $han$e of possession, has not 3een allowed to interfereD *hen do not dismiss &harles2s state of mind as a mere $onditioning of futile sno33er"' 6ee him for what he is a man struggling to o.er$ome histor"' And e.en though he does not reali=e it' *here pressed on &harles more than the $ommon human instin$t to preser.e personal identit"+ there la" 3ehind him all those "ears of thought, spe$ulation, self;knowledge' !is whole past, the 3est of his past self, seemed the pri$e he was asked to pa"+ he $ould not 3elie.e that all he had wanted to 3e was worthless, howe.er mu$h he might ha.e failed to mat$h realit" to the dream' !e had pursued the meaning of life, more than that, he 3elie.ed8 poor $lown8that at times he had glimpsed it' :as it his fault that he la$ked the talent to $ommuni$ate those glimpses to other menD *hat to an outside o3ser.er he seemed a dilettante, a hopeless amateurD At least he had gamed the knowledge that the meaning of life was not to 3e found in 7reeman2s store' ?ut underl"ing all, at least in &harles, was the do$trine of the sur.i.al of the fittest, and most espe$iall" an aspe$t of it he had dis$ussed8and it had 3een a dis$ussion 3athed in optimism8with 0rogan that night in ("me that a human 3eing $annot 3ut see his power of self;anal"sis as a .er" spe$ial pri.ilege in the struggle to adapt' ?oth men had seen proof there that man2s free will was not in danger' If one had to $hange to sur.i.e8as e.en the 7reemans $on$eded8then at least one was granted a $hoi$e of methods' 6o mu$h for the theor"8the pra$ti$e, it now flooded in on &harles, was something other' !e was trapped' !e $ould not 3e, 3ut he was' !e stood for a moment against the .ast pressures of his age+ then felt $old, $hilled to his innermost marrow 3" an i$" rage against Mr' 7reeman and 7reemanism' !e raised his sti$k to a passing hansom' Inside he sank 3a$k into the must" leather seat and $losed his e"es+ and in his mind there appeared a $onsoling image' !opeD &ourageD <eterminationD I am afraid not' !e saw a 3owl of milk pun$h and a pint of $hampagne'
39
>ow, what if I am a prostitute, what 3usiness has so$iet" to a3use meD !a.e I re$ei.ed an" fa.ors at the hands of so$iet"D If I am a hideous $an$er in so$iet", are not the $auses of the disease to 3e sought in the rottenness of the $ar$assD Am I not its legitimate $hild+ no 3astard, 6irD 87rom a letter in The Times (7e3ruar" L4th, 18E8) M NM *he su3stan$e of this famous and massi.el" sar$asti$ letter, allegedl" written 3" a su$$essful prostitute, 3ut more pro3a3l" 3" someone like !enr" Ma"hew, ma" 3e read in #uman $ocuments of the Victorian %olden Age'O
Milk pun$h and $hampagne ma" not seem a .er" profound philosophi$al $on$lusion to su$h soul;sear$hing+ 3ut the" had 3een perenniall" pres$ri3ed at &am3ridge as a solution to all known pro3lems, and though &harles had learned a good deal more a3out the pro3lems sin$e lea.ing the uni.ersit" he had not 3ettered the solution' 7ortunatel" his $lu3, like so man" #nglish gentlemen2s $lu3s, was founded on the .er" simple and profita3le presumption that a man2s student da"s are his 3est' It had all the amenities of a ri$h $ollege without an" of its superfluous irritations (su$h as dons, deans and e)aminations)' It pandered, in short, to the adoles$ent in man' It also pro.ided e)$ellent milk pun$h' It so happened that the first two fellow mem3ers &harles set e"es on when he entered the smoking room had also 3een his fellow students+ one was the "ounger son of a 3ishop and a famous disgra$e to his father' *he other was what &harles had until re$entl" e)pe$ted to 3e a 3aronet' ?orn with a large lump of >orthum3erland in his po$ket, 6ir *homas ?urgh had pro.ed far too firm a ro$k for histor" to mo.e' *he immemorial pursuits of his an$estors had 3een hunting, shooting, drinking and whoring+ and he still pursued them with a proper sense of tradition' !e had in fa$t 3een a leader of the fast set into whi$h &harles had drifted during his time at &am3ridge' !is es$apades, of 3oth the M"tton and the &asano.a kind, were notorious' *here had 3een se.eral mo.es to get him eCe$ted from the $lu3+ 3ut sin$e he pro.ided its $oal from one of his mines, and at a rate that .irtuall" made a present of it, wiser $ounsels alwa"s pre.ailed' ?esides, there was something honest a3out his manner of life' !e sinned without shame, 3ut also without h"po$ris"' !e was generous to a fault+ half the "ounger mem3ers of the $lu3 had at one time or another 3een in his de3t8and his loans were a
gentleman2s loans, indefinitel" prolonga3le and without interest' !e was alwa"s the first to start a 3ook when there was something to 3et on+ and in a wa" he reminded all 3ut the most irredeema3l" so3er mem3ers of their less so3er da"s' !e was sto$k", short, perpetuall" flushed 3" wine and weather+ and his e"es had that splendid inno$en$e, that opaque 3lue $andor of the satani$all" fallen' *hese e"es $rinkled when the" saw &harles enter' 4&harle"I >ow what the de.il are "ou doing out of the matrimonial lo$k upD5 &harles smiled, not without a $ertain sense of wan foolishness' 40ood e.ening, *om' >athaniel, how are "ouD5 #ternal $igar in mouth, the thorn in the unlu$k" 3ishop2s side raised a languid hand' &harles turned 3a$k to the 3aronet' 4,n parole, "ou know' *he dear girl2s down in <orset taking the waters'5 *om winked' 4:hile "ou take spirit8and spirits, ehD ?ut I hear she2s the rose of the season' >at sa"s' !e2s green, "2know' <emmed &harle", he sa"s' ?est girl and 3est mat$h8 ain2t fair, is it, >atD5 *he 3ishop2s son was notoriousl" short of mone" and &harles guessed it was not #rnestina2s looks he was en.ied' >ine times out of ten he would at this point ha.e mo.ed on to the newspapers or Coined some less iniquitous a$quaintan$e' ?ut toda" he sta"ed where he was' :ould the" 4dis$uss5 a pun$h and 3u33l"D *he" would' And so he sat with them' 4And how2s the esteemed un$le, &harlesD5 6ir *om winked again, 3ut in a wa" so endemi$ to his nature that it was impossi3le to take offense' &harles murmured that he was in the 3est of health' 4!ow goes he for houndsD Ask him if he needs a 3ra$e of the 3est >orthum3erland' Real angels, though I sa"s it wot 3red Kem' *ornado8"ou re$all *ornadoD !is grandpups'5 *ornado had spent a $landestine term in 6ir *om2s rooms one summer at &am3ridge' 4I re$all him' 6o do m" ankles'5 6ir *om grinned 3roadl"' 4A"e, he took a fan$" to "ou' Alwa"s 3it what he lo.ed' <ear old *ornado80od rest his soul'5 And he downed his tum3ler of pun$h with a sadness that made his two $ompanions laugh' :hi$h was $ruel, sin$e the sadness was perfe$tl" genuine' In su$h talk did two hours pass8and two more 3ottles of $hampagne, and another 3owl of pun$h, and sundr" $hops and kidne"s (the three gentlemen mo.ed on to the dining room) whi$h required a $opious washing; down of $laret, whi$h in turn needed purging 3" a de$anter or two of port' 6ir *om and the 3ishop2s son were professional drinkers and took more than &harles' ,utwardl" the" seemed 3" the end of the se$ond de$anter more drunk than he' ?ut in fa$t his fa$ade was so3riet", while theirs was
drunkenness, e)a$tl" the re.erse of the true $omparati.e state, as 3e$ame $lear when the" wandered out of the dining room for what 6ir *om $alled .aguel" 4a little dri.e round town'5 &harles was the one who was unstead" on his feet' !e was not too far gone not to feel em3arrassed+ somehow he saw Mr' 7reeman2s gra" assessing e"es on him, though no one as $losel" $onne$ted with trade as Mr' 7reeman would e.er ha.e 3een allowed in that $lu3' !e was helped into his $ape and handed his hat, glo.es, and $ane+ and then he found himself in the keen outside air8the promised fog had not materiali=ed, though the mist remained8staring with an intense $on$entration at the $oat of arms on the door of 6ir *om2s town 3rougham' :ins"att meanl" sta33ed him again, 3ut then the $oat of arms swa"ed towards him' !is arms were taken, and a moment later he found himself sitting 3eside 6ir *om and fa$ing the 3ishop2s son' !e was not too drunk to note an e)$hanged wink 3etween his two friends+ 3ut too drunk to ask what it meant' !e told himself he did not $are' !e was glad he was drunk, that e.er"thing swam a little, that e.er"thing past and to $ome was profoundl" unimportant' !e had a great desire to tell them 3oth a3out Mrs' ?ella *omkins and :ins"att+ 3ut he was not drunk enough for that, either' A gentleman remains a gentleman, e.en in his $ups' !e turned to *om' 4*om ''' *om, dear old fellow, "ou2re a damn2 lu$k" fellow'5 46o are "ou, m" &harle" 3o"' :e2re all damn lu$k" fellows'5 4:here we goingD5 4:here damn lu$k" fellows alwa"s go of a Coll" night' #h, >at, ain2t that soD5 *here was a silen$e then, as &harles tried diml" to make out in whi$h dire$tion the" were heading' *his time he did not see the se$ond wink e)$hanged' *he ke" words in 6ir *om2s last senten$e slowl" registered' !e turned solemnl"' 49oll" nightD5 4:e2re going to old Ma *erpsi$hore2s, &harles' :orship at the muses2 shrine, don2t "2knowD5 &harles stared at the smiling fa$e of the 3ishop2s son' 46hrineD5 46o to speak, &harles'5 32etonymia. Genus for puella-( put in the 3ishop2s son' &harles stared at them, then a3ruptl" smiled' 4#)$ellent idea'5 ?ut then he resumed his rather solemn stare out of the window' !e felt he ought to stop the $arriage and sa" good night to them' !e remem3ered, in a 3rief flash of proportion, what their reputation was' *hen there $ame out of
nowhere 6arah2s fa$e+ that fa$e with its $losed e"es tended to his, the kiss ''' so mu$h fuss a3out nothing' !e saw what all his trou3les were $aused 3" he needed a woman, he needed inter$ourse' !e needed a last de3au$h, as he sometimes needed a purge' !e looked round at 6ir *om and the 3ishop2s son' *he first was sprawled 3a$k in his $orner, the se$ond had put his legs up a$ross his seat' *he top hats of 3oth were $o$ked at fl"l" dissolute angles' *his time the wink went among all three' 6oon the" were in the press of $arriages heading for that area of Gi$torian (ondon we ha.e rather m"steriousl"8sin$e it was $entral in more wa"s than one8dropped from our pi$ture of the age an area of $asinos (meeting pla$es rather than gaming rooms), assem3l" $afes, $igar 4di.ans5 in its more pu3li$ parts (the !a"market and Regent 6treet) and .er" nearl" unrelie.ed 3rothel in all the adCoining 3a$k streets' *he" passed the famous ,"ster 6hop in the !a"market (4(o3sters, ,"sters, /i$kled and Hippered 6almon5) and the no less $ele3rated Ro"al Al3ert /otato &an, run 3" the Hhan, khan indeed of the 3aked;potato sellers of (ondon, 3ehind a great s$arlet;and;3rass stand that dominated and pro$laimed the .ista' *he" passed (and the 3ishop2s son took his lorgnette out of its shagreen $ase) the $rowded daughters of foll", the great whores in their $arriages, the lesser ones in their sidewalk dro.es ''' from demure little milk";fa$ed milliner" girls to 3rand";$heeked .iragoes' A torrent of $olor 8of fashion, for here unimagina3le things were allowed' :omen dressed as /arisian 3argees, in 3owler and trousers, as sailors, as seVoritas, as 6i$ilian peasant girls+ as if the entire $asts of the $ountless neigh3oring penn";gaffs had poured out into the street' 7ar duller the $ustomers8the numeri$all" equal male se), who, sti$k in hand and 4weed5 in mouth, e"ed the e.ening2s talent' And &harles, though he wished he had not drunk so mu$h, and so had to see e.er"thing twi$e o.er, found it deli$ious, ga", animated, and a3o.e all, un7reemanish' *erpsi$hore, I suspe$t, would hardl" ha.e 3estowed her patronage on the audien$e of whom our three in some ten minutes formed part+ for the" were not alone' 6ome si) or se.en other "oung men, and a $ouple of old ones, one of whom &harles re$ogni=ed as a pillar of the !ouse of (ords, sat in the large salon, appointed in the 3est /arisian taste, and rea$hed through a narrow and noisome alle" off a street some little wa" from the top of the !a"market' At one end of the $handeliered room was a small stage hidden 3" deep red $urtains, on whi$h were em3roidered in gold two pairs of sat"rs and n"mphs' ,ne showed himself eminentl" in a state to take possession of his shepherdess+ and the other had alread" 3een re$ei.ed' In 3la$k letters on a gilt $artou$he a3o.e the $urtains was written Carmina Priapea ?01V&
Gelle quid han$ di$as, quam.is sim ligneus, hastam, os$ula dat medio si qua puella mihiD augure non opus est 4in me,5 mihi $redite, di)it, 4utetur .eris .iri3us hasta rudis'5M
NMIt is the god /riapus who speaks small wooden images of him with ere$t phallus, 3oth to frighten awa" thie.es and 3ring fertilit", were $ommon features of the Roman or$hard' 41ou2d like to know wh" the girl kisses this spear of mine, e.en though I2m made of woodD 1ou don2t need to 3e $lair.o"ant to work that one out' K(et2s hope,2 she2s thinking, Kthat men will use this spear on me8and 3rutall"'25O
*he $opulator" theme was repeated in .arious folio prints in gilt frames that hung 3etween the $urtained windows' Alread" a loose;haired girl in &amargo petti$oats was ser.ing the waiting gentlemen with Roederer2s $hampagne' In the 3a$kground a mu$h rouged 3ut more seemingl" dressed lad" of some fift" "ears of age $ast a quiet e"e o.er her $lientele' In spite of her .er" different profession she had .er" mu$h the mind of Mrs' #ndi$ott down in #)eter, al3eit her assessments were made in guineas rather than shillings' 6u$h s$enes as that whi$h followed ha.e pro3a3l" $hanged less in the $ourse of histor" than those of an" other human a$ti.it"+ what was done 3efore &harles that night was done in the same wa" 3efore !elioga3alus8 and no dou3t 3efore Agamemnon as well+ and is done toda" in $ountless 6oho di.es' :hat parti$ularl" pleases me a3out the un$hangingness of this an$ient and time;honored form of entertainment is that it allows one to 3orrow from someone else2s imagination' I was nosing re$entl" round the 3est kind of se$ondhand 3ookseller2s8a $areless one' 6et quietl" under 4Medi$ine,5 3etween an 1ntroduction to #epatology and a $iseases of the 6ronchial *ystem- was the e.en duller title The #istory of the #uman #eart. It is in fa$t the .er" far from dull histor" of a li.el" human penis' It was originall" pu3lished in 1B4J, the same "ear as &leland2s masterpie$e in the genre, @anny #ill. *he author la$ks his skill, 3ut he will do' *he first !ouse the" entered was a noted ?agnio, where the" met with a &o.e" of *own /artridges, whi$h &amillo liked 3etter than all he had e.er drawn a >et o.er in the &ountr", and amongst them Miss M', the famous /osture 0irl, whose /resen$e put our &ompan" of Ram3lers upon the &ro$het of shewing their new Asso$iate a 6$ene, of whi$h he had ne.er so mu$h as dreamed 3efore' *he" were showed a large Room, :ine was 3rought in, the <rawer
dismissed, and after a ?umper the (adies were ordered to prepare' *he" immediatel" stripped stark naked, and mounted themsel.es on the middle of the *a3le' &amillo was greatl" surprised at this Apparatus, and not less pu==led in guessing for what /urpose the 0irls had posted themsel.es on that #minen$e' *he" were $lean lim3ed, fresh $omple$tioned, and had 6kins as white as the dri.en 6now, whi$h was heightened 3" the Cet;3la$k &olor of their !air' *he" had .er" good 7a$es, and the natural ?lush whi$h glowed on their &heeks rendered them in &amillo2s Mind, finished ?eauties, and fit to ri.al Genus herself' 7rom .iewing their 7a$es, he 3ashfull" $ast his #"es on the Altar of (o.e, whi$h he had ne.er had so fair a Giew of as this present *ime''' *he /arts of the $ele3rated /osture 0irl had something a3out them whi$h attra$ted his Attention more than an" things he had either felt or seen' *he *hrone of (o.e was thi$kl" $o.ered with Cet;3la$k !air, at least a quarter of a 1ard long, whi$h she artfull" spread asunder, to displa" the #ntran$e into the Magi$ 0rotto' *he un$ommon 7igure of this 3ush" spot afforded a .er" odd sort of Amusement to &amillo, whi$h was more heightened 3" the Rest of the &eremon" whi$h these :antons went through' *he" ea$h filled a 0lass of :ine, and la"ing themsel.es in an e)tended /osture pla$ed their 0lasses on the Mount of Genus, e.er" Man in the &ompan" drinking off the ?umper, as it stood on that tempting /rotu3eran$e, while the :en$hes were not wanting in their las$i.ious Motions to heighten the <i.ersion' *hen the" went thro2 the se.eral /ostures and *ri$ks made use of to raise de3ilitated (ust when $lo"ed with natural #nCo"ment, and afterwards o3liged poor &amillo to shoot the ?ridge, and pass under the warm &atara$ts, whi$h dis$omposed him more than if he had 3een o.erset in a 0ra.esend :herr"' !owe.er, tho2 it raised the (augh of the whole &ompan", he 3ore this 7roli$k with a good deal of patien$e, as he was told it was ne$essar" for all new Mem3ers to 3e thus initiated into the M"steries of their 6o$iet"' &amillo 3egan now to 3e disgusted at the prodigious Impuden$e of the :omen+ he found in himself no more of that uneas" #motion he felt at their first setting out, and was desirous of the &ompan"2s dismissing them+ 3ut his &ompanions would not part with them, till the" had gone through with the whole of their #)er$ise+ the >"mphs, who raised a fresh &ontri3ution on e.er" new <is$o.er" of their impudent In.entions, required no #ntreaties to gratif" the "oung Rakes, 3ut pro$eeded, without the least 6ense of 6hame, to shew them how far !uman >ature $ould de3ase itself' *heir last #)ploit inflamed these 6ons of <e3au$her" so far that the" proposed, as a &on$lusion of the 6$ene, that ea$h Man should $huse his
/osture, and go through what the" had onl" seen imitated 3efore' ?ut this was a 6tep the >"mphs would not $ompl" with, it 3eing the Ma)im of these <amsels, ne.er to admit of the #m3ra$es of the Men, for fear of spoiling their *rade' *his .er" mu$h surprised &amillo, who from their former ?eha.ior, persuaded himself there $ould not 3e in.ented an" 6pe$ies of :i$kedness with whi$h the" would not $ompl" for the 6ake of Mone"+ and though 3efore this Refusal, their a3andoned ,3s$enit" had quite stifled all thoughts of l"ing with them, "et now his <esires were as strong as if the" had 3een modest Girgins, and he had seen nothing of their :antonness+ so that he 3e$ame as earnest to o3lige them to $ompl" as an" Man in the &om; pan"' *his gi.es the general idea of what went on at Ma *erpsi$hore2s, though it omits a parti$ular of differen$e the girls of 18AB, not so squeamish as those of 1B4J, were willingl" au$tioned off in a final ta3leau' !owe.er, &harles was not there to make a 3id' *he less o3s$ene pream3les he had quite enCo"ed' !e put on his mu$h;tra.eled fa$e, he had seen 3etter things in /aris (or so he whispered to 6ir *om), he pla"ed the 3lase "oung know;all' ?ut as the $lothes fell, so did his drunkenness+ he glan$ed at the le$herousl" parted mouths of the shadowed men 3eside him, he heard 6ir *om alread" indi$ating his pi$k to the 3ishop2s son' *he white 3odies em3ra$ed, $ontorted, mimi$ked+ 3ut it seemed to &harles that there was a despair 3ehind the fi)ed suggesti.e smiles of the performers' ,ne was a $hild who $ould onl" Cust ha.e rea$hed pu3ert"+ and there seemed in her assumption of demure inno$en$e something genuinel" .irginal, still agoni=ed, not full" hardened 3" her profession' 1et as he was re.olted, so was he se)uall" irritated' !e loathed the pu3li$ $ir$umstan$e of this e)hi3ition+ 3ut he was enough of an animal to 3e pri.atel" distur3ed and e)$ited' 6ome time 3efore the end he rose and quietl" left the room, as if it were to relie.e himself' In the anteroom outside the little danseuse who had ser.ed the $hampagne sat 3" a ta3le with the gentlemen2s $loaks and $anes' An artifi$ial smile $reased her painted fa$e as she rose' &harles stared a moment at her ela3oratel" disordered ringlets, her 3are arms and almost 3are 3osom' !e seemed a3out to speak, 3ut then $hanged his mind and 3rusquel" gestured for his things' !e threw a half so.ereign on the ta3le 3eside the girl and 3lundered out' In the street at the alle"2s end he found se.eral e)pe$tant $a3s waiting' !e took the first, shouted up (su$h was the $autious Gi$torian $on.ention) the name of a Hensington street near to the one where he li.ed, and then threw himself into the seat' !e did not feel no3l" de$ent+ 3ut as if he had
swallowed an insult or funked a duel' !is father had li.ed a life in whi$h su$h e.enings were a $ommonpla$e+ that he $ould not stoma$h them pro.ed he was unnatural' :here now was the tra.eled man of the worldD 6hrunk into a misera3le $oward' And #rnestina, his engagement .owsD ?ut to re$all them was to 3e a prisoner waking from a dream that he was free and tr"ing to stand, onl" to 3e Cerked down 3" his $hains 3a$k into the 3la$k realit" of his $ell' *he hansom threaded its wa" slowl" down a narrow street' It was $rowded with other hansoms and $arriages, for this was still .er" mu$h in the area of sin' -nder ea$h light, in e.er" doorwa", stood prostitutes' 7rom the darkness &harles wat$hed them' !e felt himself 3oiling, intolera3le' If there had 3een a sharp spike in front of him he would, e$hoing 6arah 3efore the thorn tree, ha.e run his hand through it, so strong was his feeling for ma$eration, punishment, some a$tion that would lan$e his 3ile' A quieter street' And the" passed a gaslight under whi$h stood a solitar" girl' /erhaps 3e$ause of the flagrant frequen$" of the women in the street the" had left she seemed forlorn, too ine)perien$ed to .enture $loser' 1et her profession was unmistaka3le' 6he wore a ding" pink $otton dress with imitation roses at the 3reast+ a white shawl round her shoulders' A 3la$k hat in the new st"le, small and mas$uline, per$hed o.er a large netted $hignon of au3urn hair' 6he stared at the passing hansom+ and something a3out the shade of the hair, the alert dark;shadowed e"es, the .aguel" wistful stan$e, made &harles $rane forward and keep her in .iew through the o.al side; window as the hansom passed' !e had an intolera3le moment, then he sei=ed his sti$k and kno$ked hard with it on the roof a3o.e him' *he dri.er stopped at on$e' *here were hurried footsteps+ and then the fa$e appeared, slightl" 3elow him, 3eside the open front of the hansom' 6he was not reall" like 6arah' !e saw the hair was too red to 3e natural+ and there was a $ommonness a3out her, an artifi$ial 3oldness in her stead" e"es and red;lipped smile+ too red, like a gash of 3lood' ?ut Cust a tinge8 something in the firm e"e3rows, perhaps, or the mouth' 41ou ha.e a roomD5 41es, sir'5 4*ell him where to go'5 6he disappeared from his sight a moment and said something to the dri.er 3ehind' *hen she stepped up, making the hansom ro$k, and got in 3eside him, filling the narrow spa$e with $heap perfume' !e felt the light $loth of her slee.e and skirt 3rush him, 3ut the" did not tou$h' *he hansom mo.ed on' *here was a silen$e for a hundred "ards or more' 4Is it for all night, sirD5
41es'5 4I asks K$ause I adds the pri$e of the fare 3a$k if it ain2t'5 !e nodded, and stared into the darkness ahead of him' *he" passed another $lopping hundred "ards in silen$e' !e felt her rela) a little, the smallest pressure against his arm' 4*erri3le $old for the time of "ear'5 41es'5 !e glan$ed at her' 41ou must noti$e su$h things'5 4I don2t do no work when it snows' 6ome does' ?ut I don2t'5 More silen$e' *his time &harles spoke' 41ou ha.e 3een long''' D5 46in$e I was eighteen, sir' *wo "ears $ome Ma"'5 4Ah'5 !e stole another look at her during the ne)t silen$e' A horrid mathemati$s gnawed at &harles2s mind three hundred and si)t";fi.e, sa" three hundred 4working,5 multipl" 3" two ''' it was si) hundred to one that she did not ha.e some disease' :as there some deli$ate wa" he $ould askD *here was not' !e glan$ed at her again in an ad.antageous moment of outside light' !er $omple)ion seemed un3lemished' ?ut he was a fool+ as regards s"philis he knew he would ha.e 3een ten times safer at a lu)ur" esta3lishment like the one he had left' *o pi$k up a mere &o$kne" streetwalker ''' 3ut his fate was sealed' !e wished it so' *he" were heading north, towards the *ottenham &ourt Road' 4<o "ou wish me to pa" "ou nowD5 4I ain2t parti$kler, sir' 9ust as "ou fan$"'5 4Ger" well' !ow mu$hD5 6he hesitated' *hen 4>ormal, sirD5 !e flashed a look at her+ nodded' 4All night I usual $harges '''5 and her tin" hesitation was patheti$all" dishonest, 4''' a so.ereign'5 !e felt inside his fro$k $oat and passed her the $oin' 4*hank "ou, sir'5 6he put it dis$reetl" awa" in her reti$ule' And then she managed an o3lique answer to his se$ret fear' 4I onl" go with gentlemen, sir' 1ou don2t need no worries like that'5 In his turn he said, 4*hank "ou'5
40
*o the lips, ah, of others, *hose lips ha.e 3een prest, And others, ere I was, :ere $lasped to that 3reast ' ' ' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 4/arting5 (18EP)
*he hansom drew up at a house in a narrow side street east of the *ottenham &ourt Road' 6tepping qui$kl" out of the .ehi$le, the girl went straight up some steps to a door and let herself in' *he hansom dri.er was an old, old man, so long en$ased in his man";$aped dri.ing $oat and his deep;3anded top hat that it was hard to imagine the" had not grown onto his 3od"' 6etting his whip in the stand 3eside his seat and taking his $utt" out of his mouth, he held his grimed hand down, $upped, for the mone"' Meanwhile he stared straight ahead to the end of the dark street, as if he $ould not 3ear to set e"es on &harles again' &harles was glad not to 3e looked at+ and "et felt quite as unspeaka3le as this an$ient $a3 dri.er seemed determined to make him feel' !e had a moment of dou3t' !e $ould spring 3a$k in, for the girl had disappeared ''' 3ut then a 3la$k o3stina$" made him pa"' &harles found the prostitute waiting in a poorl" lit hallwa", her 3a$k to him' 6he did not look round, 3ut mo.ed up the stairs as soon as she heard him $lose the door' *here was a smell of $ooking, o3s$ure .oi$es from the 3a$k of the house' *he" went up two stale flights of stairs' 6he opened a door and held it for him to pass through+ and when he had done so, slid a 3olt a$ross' *hen she went and turned up the gaslights o.er the fire' 6he poked that to life and put some more $oal on it' &harles looked round' #.er"thing in the room e)$ept the 3ed was sha33", 3ut spotlessl" $lean' *he 3ed was of iron and 3rass, the latter so well polished it seemed like gold' In the $orner fa$ing it there was a s$reen 3ehind whi$h he glimpsed a washstand' A few $heap ornaments, some $heap prints on the walls' *he fra"ed moreen $urtains were drawn' >othing in the room suggested the lu)urious purpose for whi$h it was used' 4/ardon me, sir' If "ou2d make "ourself at Kome' I shan2t 3e a minute'5 6he went through another door into a room at the 3a$k of the house' It was in darkness, and he noti$ed that she $losed the door after her .er" gentl"' !e went and stood with his 3a$k to the fire' *hrough the $losed door he heard the faint mutter of an awakened $hild, a shushing, a few low words'
*he door opened again and the prostitute reappeared' 6he had taken off her shawl and her hat' 6he smiled ner.ousl" at him' 4It2s m" little gel, sir' 6he won2t make no noise' 6he2s good as gold'5 6ensing his disappro.al, she hurried on' 4*here2s a $hophouse Cust a step awa", sir, if "ou2re Kungr"'5 &harles was not+ 3ut nor did he now feel se)uall" hungr", either' !e found it hard to look at her' 4/ra" order for "ourself what "ou want' I don2t ''' that is ''' some wine, perhaps, if it $an 3e got'5 47ren$h or 0erman, sirD5 4A glass of ho$k8"ou like thatD5 4*hank "ou, sir' I2ll send the lad out'5 And again she disappeared' !e heard her $all sharpl", mu$h less genteel, down the hall' 42Arr"I5 *he murmur of .oi$es, the front door slammed' :hen she $ame 3a$k he asked if he should not ha.e gi.en her some mone"' ?ut it seemed this ser.i$e was in$luded' 4:on2t "ou take the $hair, sirD5 And she held out her hands for his hat and sti$k, whi$h he still held' !e handed them o.er, then parted the tails of his fro$k $oat and sat 3" the fire' *he $oal she had put on seemed slow to 3urn' 6he knelt 3efore it, and 3efore him, and 3usied herself again with the poker' 4*he"2re 3est qualit", the" didn2t ought to 3e so slow $at$hin2' It2s the $ellar' <amp as old Kouses'5 !e wat$hed her profile in the red light from the fire' It was not a prett" fa$e, 3ut sturd", pla$id, unthinking' !er 3ust was well de.eloped+ her wrists and hands surprisingl" deli$ate, almost fragile' *he", and her a3undant hair, momentaril" sparked off his desire' !e almost put out his hand to tou$h her, 3ut $hanged his mind' !e would feel 3etter when he had more wine' *he" remained so for a minute or more' At last she looked at him, and he smiled' 7or the first time that da" he had a fleeting sense of pea$e' 6he turned her e"es 3a$k to the fire then and murmured, 42# won2t 3e more2n a minute' It2s onl" two steps'5 And so the" sta"ed in silen$e again' ?ut su$h moments as these were .er" strange to a Gi$torian man+ e.en 3etween hus3and and wife the intima$" was largel" go.erned 3" the iron laws of $on.ention' 1et here &harles was, sitting at the fire of this woman he had not known e)isted an hour 3efore, like ''' 4*he father of "our little girl''' D5
42#2s a soCCer, sir'5 4A soldierD5 6he stared at the fire memories' 42#2s out in !india now'5 4:ould he not marr" "ouD5 6he smiled at his inno$en$e, then shook her head' 42# ga.e me mone" for when I was 3rought to 3ed'5 ?" whi$h she seemed to suggest that he had done all one $ould de$entl" e)pe$t' 4And $ould "ou not find an" other means of li.elihoodD5 4*here2s work' ?ut it2s all da" work' And then when I paid to look after little Mar" ' ' '5 she shrugged' 4,n$e "ou 3een done wrong to, "ou 3een done wrong to' &an2t 3e mended, so "ou Ka.e to make out as 3est "ou $an'5 4And "ou 3elie.e this the 3est wa"D5 4I don2t know no other no more, sir'5 ?ut she spoke without mu$h sign of shame or regret' !er fate was determined, and she la$ked the imagination to see it' *here were feet on the stairs' 6he rose and went to the door and opened it 3efore the kno$k' &harles glimpsed a 3o" of thirteen or so outside, who had e.identl" 3een trained not to stare, sin$e his e"es remained down while she herself $arried the tra" to a ta3le 3" the window and then returned to the door with her purse' *here was the $hink of small $oins, and the door softl" $losed' 6he poured him a glass of wine and 3rought it to him, setting the half;3ottle on a tri.et in the hearth 3eside him, as if all wine should 3e warmed' *hen she sat and remo.ed the $loth from the plate on the tra"' ,ut of the $orner of his e"e &harles saw a small pie, potatoes, a tum3ler of what was e.identl" gin and water, for she would hardl" ha.e had water alone 3rought up' !is ho$k tasted a$id, 3ut he drank it in the hope that his senses would 3e dulled' *he small $ra$kle from the now 3urning fire, the quiet hiss of the gas Cets, the $hink of $utler" he $ould not see how the" should e.er pass to the real purpose of his presen$e' !e drank another glass of the .inegar" wine' ?ut she soon finished her repast' *he tra" was taken outside' *hen she went 3a$k into the darkened 3edroom where the little girl slept' A minute passed' 6he reappeared' >ow she wore a white peignoir- whi$h she held $losed' !er hair was loosened and fell down her 3a$k+ and her hand held the edges of the ro3e together suffi$ientl" tightl" to show she was naked 3eneath it' &harles rose' 4>o Kaste, sir' 7inish "our wine'5 !e stared down at the 3ottle 3eside him, as if he had not noti$ed it 3efore+ then nodded and sat down again, and poured himself another glass'
6he mo.ed in front of him and rea$hed, her other hand still holding the peignoir together, to turn down the gas to two small green points' 7irelight 3athed her, softened her "oung features+ and then again she knelt at his feet fa$ing the fire' After a moment she rea$hed out 3oth hands to it and the ro3e fell a little open' !e saw a white 3reast, shadowed, and not full" 3ared' 6he spoke into the fire' 4:ould "ou like me to sit on "our knees, sirD5 41es ''' please do'5 !e tossed off his wine' &lut$hing her ro3e together again she stood, then sat easil" 3a$k a$ross his 3ra$ed legs, her right arm round his shoulders' !is left arm he put round her waist, while his right la", with an a3surd unnaturalness, along the low arm of the $hair' 7or a moment her left hand $lasped the fa3ri$ of her gown, 3ut then she rea$hed it out and $aressed his $heek' A moment+ she kissed his other $heek' *heir e"es met' 6he glan$ed down at his mouth, as if sh"l", 3ut she went a3out her 3usiness without sh"ness' 41ou2re a .er" Kandsome gentleman'5 41ou2re a prett" girl'5 41ou like us wi$ked girlsD5 !e noted she had dropped the 4sir'5 !e tightened his left arm a little' 6he rea$hed then and took his re$al$itrant right hand and led it under her ro3e to her 3are 3reast' !e felt the stiff point of flesh in the $enter of his palm' !er hand drew his head to hers, and the" kissed, as his hand, now re$alling for3idden female flesh, silken and swollen $ontours, a poem forgotten, si=ed and appro.ed the 3reast then slid deeper and lower inside her ro3e to the in$ur.e of her waist' 6he was naked, and her mouth tasted faintl" of onions' /erhaps it was that whi$h ga.e him his first wa.e of nausea' !e $on$ealed it, 3e$oming two people one who had drunk too mu$h and one who was now se)uall" e)$ited' *he ro3e fell shamelessl" open o.er the girl2s slight 3ell", the dark well of pu3i$ hair, the white thighs that sedu$ed him 3oth 3" sight and pressure' !is hand did not wander lower than her waist+ 3ut it wandered a3o.e, tou$hing those open 3reasts, the ne$k, the shoulders' 6he made no ad.an$es after that first leading of his hand+ she was his passi.e .i$tim, her head resting on his shoulder, mar3le made warmth, an #tt" nude, the /"gmalion m"th 3rought to a happ" end' Another wa.e of nausea $ame o.er him' 6he sensed it, 3ut misinterpreted' 4I2m too Kea." for "ouD5 4>o ''' that is '''5 4It2s a ni$e 3ed' 6oft'5 6he stood awa" from him, went to it and folded 3a$k the 3ed$lothes
$arefull", then turned to look at him' 6he let the ro3e slip from her shoulders' 6he was well;formed, with shapel" 3utto$ks' A moment, then she sat and swung her legs under the 3ed$lothes and la" 3a$k with her e"es $losed, in what she transparentl" thought was a position 3oth dis$reet and a3andoned' A $oal 3egan to fli$ker 3rightl", $asting intense 3ut qua.ering shadows+ a $age, the end;rails of the 3ed, dan$ed on the wall 3ehind her' &harles stood, fighting the 3attle in his stoma$h' It was the ho$k8he had 3een insane to drink it' !e saw her e"es open and look at him' 6he hesitated, then rea$hed out those deli$ate white arms' !e made a gesture towards his fro$k $oat' After a few moments he felt a little 3etter and 3egan seriousl" to undress+ he laid his $lothes neatl", mu$h more neatl" than he e.er did in his own room, o.er the 3a$k of the $hair' !e had to sit to un3utton his 3oots' !e stared into the fire as he took off his trousers and the undergarment, whi$h rea$hed, in the fashion of those da"s, somewhat 3elow his knees' ?ut his shirt he $ould not 3ring himself to remo.e' *he nausea returned' !e gripped the la$e;fringed mantelpie$e, his e"es $losed, fighting for $ontrol' *his time she took his dela" for sh"ness and threw 3a$k the 3ed$lothes as if to $ome and lead him to 3ed' !e for$ed himself to walk towards her' 6he sank 3a$k again, 3ut without $o.ering her 3od"' !e stood 3" the 3ed and stared down at her' 6he rea$hed out her arms' !e still stared, $ons$ious onl" of the swimming sensation in his head, the now totall" re3ellious fumes of the milk pun$h, $hampagne, $laret, port, that damna3le ho$k''' 4I don2t know "our name'5 6he smiled up at him, then rea$hed for his hands and pulled him down towards her' 46arah, sir'5 !e was ra$ked 3" an intolera3le spasm' *wisting sidewa"s he 3egan to .omit into the pillow 3eside her sho$ked, flung3a$k head'
41
. . . Arise and fl" *he reeling faun, the sensual feast+ Mo.e upward, working out the 3east,
And let the ape and tiger die'
8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF) 7or the twent";ninth time that morning 6am $aught the $ook2s e"e, dire$ted his own to a row of 3ells o.er the kit$hen door and then eloquentl" swept them up to the $eiling' It was noon' ,ne might ha.e thought 6am glad to ha.e a morning off+ 3ut the onl" mornings off he $o.eted were with more attra$ti.e female $ompan" than that of the portl" Mrs' Rogers' 42#2s not Kimself,5 said the dowager, also for the twent";ninth time' If she felt irritated, howe.er, it was with 6am, not the "oung lord upstairs' #.er sin$e their return from ("me two da"s 3efore, the .alet had managed to hint at dark goings;on' It is true he had gra$iousl" $ommuni$ated the news a3out :ins"att+ 3ut he had regularl" added 4And that ain2t Kalf of what2s a;foot'5 !e refused to 3e drawn' 4*here2s sartin $onfiden$es5 (a word he pronoun$ed with a long i) 4as $an2t 3e "et spoken of, Mrs' R' ?ut things Kas Kappened m" he"es $ouldn2t Kardl" 3elie.e the" was seein2'5 6am had $ertainl" one immediate su3Ce$t for 3itterness' &harles had omitted to dismiss him for the e.ening when he went out to see Mr' 7reeman' *hus 6am had waited in and up until after midnight, onl" to 3e greeted, when he heard the front door open, 3" a 3la$k look from a white fa$e' 4:h" the de.il aren2t "ou in 3edD5 42&os "ou didn2t sa" "ou was dinin2 out, Mr' &harles'5 4I2.e 3een at m" $lu3'5 41es, sir'5 4And take that insolent look off "our damned fa$e'5 41es, sir'5 6am held out his hands and took8or $aught8the .arious o3Ce$ts, 3eginning with sundr" 3its of outdoor apparel and terminating in a sulphurous glare, that &harles threw at him' *hen the master mar$hed maCesti$all" upstairs' !is mind was now .er" so3er, 3ut his 3od" was still a little drunk, a fa$t 6am2s 3itter 3ut unseen smirk had onl" too plainl" refle$ted' 41ou2re right, Mrs' R' K#2s not Kimself' K# was 3lind drunk last night'5 4I wouldn2t Ka.e 3elie.ed it possi3le'5 4*here2s lots o2 things "ours trul" wouldn2t Ka.e 3elie.ed possi3le, Mrs' R' As Kas Kappened hall the same'5 42# ne.er wants to $r" offI5 4:ild Kosses wouldn2t part m" lips, Mrs' R'5 *he $ook took a deep;
3osomed 3reath' !er $lo$k ti$ked 3eside her range' 6am smiled at her' 4?ut "ou2re sharp, Mrs' R' Ger" sharp'5 &learl" 6am2s own feeling of resentment would .er" soon ha.e a$$omplished what the wild horses were powerless to effe$t' ?ut he was sa.ed, and the 3u)om Mrs' Rogers thwarted, 3" the 3ell' 6am went and lifted the two;gallon $an of hot water that had 3een patientl" waiting all morning at the 3a$k of the range, winked at his $olleague, and disappeared' *here are two kinds of hango.er in one "ou feel ill and in$apa3le, in the other "ou feel ill and lu$id' &harles had in fa$t 3een awake, indeed out of 3ed, some time 3efore he rang' !e had the se$ond sort of hango.er' !e remem3ered onl" too $learl" the e.ents of the pre.ious night' !is .omiting had dri.en the alread" pre$arious se)ual element in that 3edroom $ompletel" out of sight and mind' !is unhappil" named $hoi$e had hastil" risen, pulled on her gown, and then pro.ed herself to 3e as $alm a nurse as she had promised to 3e a prostitute' 6he got &harles to his $hair 3" the fire, where he $aught sight of the ho$k 3ottle, and was promptl" si$k again' ?ut this time she had read" a 3asin from the washstand' &harles kept groaning his apologies 3etween his ret$hes' 4Most sorr" ' ' ' most unfortunate ' ' ' something disagreed'''5 4It2s all right, sir, it2s all right' 1ou Cust let it $ome'5 And let it $ome he had had to' 6he went and got her shawl and threw it round his shoulders' !e sat for some time ludi$rousl" like an old grann", $rou$hed o.er the 3asin on his knees, his head 3owed' After a while he 3egan to feel a little 3etter' :ould he like to sleepD !e would, 3ut in his own 3ed' 6he went and looked down into the street, then left the room while he shakil" got dressed' :hen she $ame 3a$k she herself had put on her $lothes' !e looked at her aghast' 41ou are surel" not''' D5 40et "ou a $a3, sir' If "ou Cust wait'''5 4Ah "es ''' thank "ou'5 And he sat down again, while she went downstairs and out of the house' *hough he was 3" no means sure that his nausea was past, he felt in some ps"$hologi$al wa" profoundl" relie.ed' >e.er mind what his intention had 3een+ he had not $ommitted the fatal deed' !e stared into the glowing fire+ and strange as it ma" seem, smiled wanl"' *hen there $ame a low $r" from the ne)t room' A silen$e, then the sound $ame again, louder this time and more prolonged' *he little girl had e.identl" wakened' !er $r"ing8 silen$e, wailing, $hoking, silen$e, wailing 83e$ame intolera3le' &harles went to the window and opened the $urtains' *he mist pre.ented him seeing .er" far' *here was not a soul to 3e seen' !e
reali=ed how infrequent the sound of horses2 hoo.es had 3e$ome+ and guessed that the girl might ha.e to go some wa" to find his hansom' As he stood unde$ided, there was a hea." thumping on the wall from the ne)t house' A .indi$ti.e male .oi$e shouted angril"' &harles hesitated, then la"ing his hat and sti$k on the ta3le, he opened the door through to that other room' !e made out 3" the refle$ted light a wardro3e and an old 3o);trunk' *he room was .er" small' In the far $orner, 3eside a $losed $ommode, was a small tru$kle 3ed' *he $hild2s $ries, suddenl" renewed, pier$ed the small room' &harles stood in the lit doorwa", foolishl", a terrif"ing 3la$k giant' 4!ush now, hush' 1our mother will soon return'5 *he strange .oi$e, of $ourse, onl" made things worse' &harles felt the whole neigh3orhood must wake, so penetrating were the s$reams' !e stru$k his head in distress, then stepped forward into the shadow 3eside the $hild' 6eeing how small she was he reali=ed words were useless' !e 3ent o.er her and gentl" patted her head' !ot small fingers sei=ed his, 3ut the $r"ing $ontinued' *he minute, $ontorted fa$e eCe$ted its great store of fear with 3ewildering for$e' 6ome desperate e)pedient had to 3e found' &harles found it' !e groped for his wat$h, freed its $hain from his waist$oat and dangled it o.er the $hild' *he effe$t was immediate' *he $ries turned to mewling whimpers' *hen the small arms rea$hed up to gra3 the deli$ious sil.er to"+ and were allowed to do so+ then lost it in the 3ed$lothes and struggled to sit and failed' *he s$reams 3egan again' &harles rea$hed to raise the $hild a little against her pillow' A temptation sei=ed him' !e lifted her out of the 3ed in her long nightgown, then turned and sat on the $ommode' !olding the small 3od" on his knees he dandled the wat$h in front of the now eager small arms' 6he was one of those pudg"; fa$ed Gi$torian $hildren with little 3la$k 3eads for e"es+ an endearing little turnip with 3la$k hair' And her instant $hange of mood, a gurgle of delight when at last she $lasped the $o.eted wat$h, amused &harles' 6he 3egan to lall' &harles muttered answers "es, "es, .er" prett", good little girl, prett" prett"' !e had a .ision of 6ir *om and the 3ishop2s son $oming on him at that moment ''' the end of his great de3au$h' *he strange dark la3"rinths of life+ the m"ster" of meetings' !e smiled+ for it was less a sentimental tenderness that little $hild 3rought than a restoration of his sense of iron", whi$h was in turn the equi.alent of a kind of faith in himself' #arlier that e.ening, when he was in 6ir *om2s 3rougham, he had had a false sense of li.ing in the present+ his reCe$tion then of his past and future had 3een a mere .i$ious plunge into irresponsi3le o3li.ion' >ow he had a far more profound and genuine intuition of the great human illusion a3out time, whi$h is that its realit" is
like that of a road8on whi$h one $an $onstantl" see where one was and where one pro3a3l" will 3e8instead of the truth that time is a room, a now so $lose to us that we regularl" fail to see it' &harles2s was the .er" opposite of the 6artrean e)perien$e' *he simple furniture around him, the warm light from the ne)t room, the hum3le shadows, a3o.e all that small 3eing he held on his knees, so insu3stantial after its mother2s weight (3ut he did not think at all of her), the" were not en; $roa$hing and hostile o3Ce$ts, 3ut $onstituting and friendl" ones' *he ultimate hell was infinite and empt" spa$e+ and the" kept it at 3a"' !e felt suddenl" a3le to fa$e his future, whi$h was onl" a form of that terri3le emptiness' :hate.er happened to him su$h moments would re$ur+ must 3e found, and $ould 3e found' A door opened' *he prostitute stood in the light' &harles $ould not see her fa$e, 3ut he guessed that she was for a moment alarmed' And then relie.ed' 4,h sir' <id she $r"D5 41es' A little' I think she has gone 3a$k to sleep now'5 4I Kad to go down to the :arren 6treet stand' *he" was all off Kere'5 41ou are .er" kind'5 !e passed her $hild to her, and wat$hed her as she tu$ked it 3a$k into its 3ed+ then a3ruptl" turned and left the room' !e felt in his po$ket and $ounted out fi.e so.ereigns and left them on the ta3le' *he $hild had reawoken, and its mother was quietening it again' !e hesitated, then silentl" left the room' !e was inside the waiting hansom when she $ame running down the steps and to the door' 6he stared up at him' !er look was almost pu==led, almost hurt' 4,h sir ''' thank "ou' *hank "ou'5 !e reali=ed that she had tears in her e"es+ no sho$k to the poor like unearned mone"' 41ou are a 3ra.e, kind girl'5 !e rea$hed out and tou$hed her hand where it $lasped the front sill' *hen he tapped with his sti$k'
42
!istor" is not like some indi.idual person, whi$h uses men to a$hie.e its ends' !istor" is nothing 3ut the a$tions of men in pursuit of their ends' 8MARX, $ie #eilige @amilie (184E)
&harles, as we ha.e learned, did not return to Hensington in quite so philanthropi$ a mood as he finall" left the prostitute2s' !e had felt si$k again during the hour2s Courne"+ and had had time to work up a good deal of self; disgust into the 3argain' ?ut he woke in a 3etter frame of mind' As men will, he ga.e his hango.er its due, and stared awfull" at his haggard fa$e and peered into his par$hed and a$rid mouth+ and then de$ided he was on the whole rather well a3le to fa$e the world' !e $ertainl" fa$ed 6am when he $ame in with the hot water, and made some sort of apolog" for his 3ad temper of the pre.ious night' 4I didn2t noti$e nuffink, Mr' &harles'5 4I had a somewhat tiresome e.ening, 6am' And now 3e a good fellow and fet$h me up a large pot of tea' I ha.e the de.il2s own thirst'5 6am left, hiding his pri.ate opinion that his master had the de.il2s own something else as well' &harles washed and sha.ed, and thought a3out &harles' !e was $learl" not $ut out to 3e a rake+ 3ut nor had he had mu$h training in remorseful pessimism' !ad not Mr' 7reeman himself said that two "ears might pass 3efore an" de$ision as to his future need to 3e takenD Mu$h $ould happen in two "ears' &harles did not a$tuall" sa" to himself, 4M" un$le ma" die5+ 3ut the idea ho.ered on the fringes of his mind' And then the $arnal aspe$t of the pre.ious night2s e)perien$e reminded him that legitimate pleasures in that dire$tion would soon 3e his to enCo"' 7or now he must a3stain' And that $hild8how man" of life2s short$omings $hildren must make up forI 6am returned with the tea8and with two letters' (ife 3e$ame a road again' !e saw at on$e that the top en.elope had 3een dou3le postmarked+ posted in #)eter and forwarded to Hensington from the :hite (ion in ("me Regis' *he other $ame dire$t from ("me' !e hesitated, then to alla" suspi$ion pi$ked up a paperknife and went to the window' !e opened the letter from 0rogan first+ 3ut 3efore we read it, we must read the note &harles had sent on his return to ("me that morning of his dawn walk to &arslake2s ?arn' It had said the following
M" dear <o$tor 0rogan, I write in great haste to thank "ou for "our in.alua3le ad.i$e and assistan$e last night, and to assure "ou on$e again that I shall 3e most happ" to pa" for an" $are or attentions "our $olleague and "ourself ma" deem ne$essar"' 1ou will, I trust, and in full understanding that I ha.e seen the foll" of m" misguided interest, let me know what transpires $on$erning the meeting that will ha.e taken pla$e when "ou read this' Alas, I $ould not 3ring m"self to 3roa$h the su3Ce$t in ?road 6treet this morning' M" somewhat sudden departure, and .arious other $ir$umstan$es with whi$h I will not now 3other "ou, made the moment most $onspi$uousl" inopportune' *he matter shall 3e dealt with as soon as I return' I must ask "ou meanwhile to keep it to "ourself' I lea.e immediatel"' M" (ondon address is 3elow' :ith profound gratitude, &'6' It had not 3een an honest letter' ?ut it had had to 3e written' >ow &harles ner.ousl" unfolded the repl" to it' M" dear 6mithson, I ha.e dela"ed writing to "ou in the hope of o3taining some eclaircissement of our little <orset m"ster"' I regret to sa" that the onl" female I en$ountered on the morning of m" e)pedition was Mother >ature8a lad" whose $on.ersation I 3egan, after some three hours2 waiting, to find a trifle tedious' In short, the person did not appear' ,n m" return to ("me I sent out a sharp lad to do dut" for me' ?ut he too sat su tegmine fagi in pleasant solitude' I pen these words lightl", "et I $onfess that when the lad returned that nightfall I 3egan to fear the worst' !owe.er, it $ame to m" ears the ne)t morning that instru$tions had 3een left at the :hite (ion for the girl2s 3o) to 3e forwarded to #)eter' *he author of the instru$tions I $annot dis$o.er' >o dou3t she sent the message herself' I think we ma" take it she has de$amped' M" one remaining fear, m" dear 6mithson, is that she ma" follow "ou to (ondon and attempt to thrust her woes upon "ou there' I 3eg "ou not to dismiss this $ontingen$" with a smile' If I had time I $ould $ite "ou other $ases where Cust su$h a $ourse has 3een followed' I en$lose an address' !e is an e)$ellent man, with whom I ha.e long
3een in $orresponden$e, and I ad.ise "ou most strongl" to put the 3usiness in his hands should further em3arrassment $ome d la lettre kno$king on "our door' Rest assured that no word has passed or shall pass m" lips' I shall not repeat m" ad.i$e regarding the charming creature8 whom I had the pleasure of meeting in the street Cust now, 3" the 3"e83ut I re$ommend a $onfession at the earliest opportunit"' I don2t fan$" the A solvitur will require too harsh or long a penan$e' 1r .er" sin$ere MI&!A#( 0R,0A> &harles had drawn a 3reath of guilt" relief long 3efore he finished that letter' !e was not dis$o.ered' !e stared a long moment out of his 3edroom window, then opened the se$ond letter' !e e)pe$ted pages, 3ut there was onl" one' !e e)pe$ted a flood of words, 3ut there were onl" three' An address' !e $rumpled the sheet of paper in his hand, then returned to the fire that had 3een lit 3" the upstairs maid, to the a$$ompaniment of his snores, at eight o2$lo$k that morning, and threw it into the flames' In fi.e se$onds it was ashes' !e took the $up of tea that 6am stood waiting to hand to him' &harles drained it at one gulp, and passed the $up and sau$er for more' 4I ha.e done m" 3usiness, 6am' :e return to ("me tomorrow' *he ten o2$lo$k train' 1ou will see to the ti$kets' And take those two messages on m" desk to the telegraph offi$e' And then "ou ma" ha.e the afternoon off to $hoose some ri33ons for the fair Mar"8that is, if "ou ha.en2t disposed of "our heart elsewhere sin$e our return'5 6am had 3een waiting for that $ue' !e fli$ked a glan$e at his master2s 3a$k as he refilled the gilt 3reakfast $up+ and made his announ$ement as he e)tended the $up on a small sil.er tra" to &harles2s rea$hing fingers' 4Mr' &harles, I2m a;goin2 to hask for Ker Kand'5 4Are "ou indeedI5 4,r I would, Mr' &harles, if it weren2t I didn2t Ka.e su$h he)$ellent prospe$ks under "our hemplo"'5 &harles supped his tea' 4,ut with it, 6am' 6top talking riddles'5 4If I was merrid I2d Ka.e to li.e out, sir'5 &harles2s sharp look of instin$ti.e o3Ce$tion showed how little he had thought a3out the matter' !e turned and sat 3" his fire' 4>ow, 6am, hea.en for3id that I should 3e an impediment to "our
marriage83ut surel" "ou2re not going to forsake me so soon 3efore mineD5 41ou mistake m" hintention, Mr' &harles' I was a;thinkin2 of harterwards'5 4:e shall 3e in a mu$h larger esta3lishment' I2m sure m" wife would 3e happ" to ha.e Mar" there with her ''' so what is the trou3leD5 6am took a deep 3reath' 4I2.e 3een thinkin2 of goin2 into 3usiness, Mr' &harles' :hen "ou2re settled, that is, Mr' &harles' I 4ope "ou know I should ne.er lea.e "ou in the hower of need'5 4?usinessI :hat 3usinessD5 4I2.e set m" Keart on Ka.ing a little shop, Mr' &harles'5 &harles pla$ed the $up 3a$k on the speedil" proffered sal.er' 4?ut don2t "ou ''' I mean, "ou know, some of the read"D5 4I Ka.e made heekomonies, Mr' &harles' And so2s m" Mar"'5 41es, "es, 3ut there is rent to pa" and hea.ens a3o.e, man, goods to 3u" ''' :hat sort of 3usinessD5 4<raper2s and Ka3erdasher2s, Mr' &harles'5 &harles stared at 6am rather as if the &o$kne" had de$ided to turn ?uddhist' ?ut he re$alled one or two little past in$idents+ that penchant for the genteelism+ and the one aspe$t of his present profession where 6am had ne.er gi.en $ause for $omplaint was in his $are of $lothes' &harles had indeed more than on$e (a3out ten thousand times, to 3e e)a$t) made fun of him for his personal .anit" in that dire$tion' 4And "ou2.e put 3" enough to84 4!alas no, Mr' &harles' :e2d Ka.e to sa.e .er" Kard'5 *here was a pregnant silen$e' 6am was 3us" with milk and sugar' &harles ru33ed the side of his nose in a rather 6am;like manner' !e twigged' !e took the third $up of tea' 4!ow mu$hD5 4I know a shop as I2d like, Mr' &harles' K# wants an Kundred an2 fift" pound for the goodwill and an Kundred for the sto$k' An2 there2s thirt" pound rent to 3e found'5 !e si=ed &harles up, then went on, 4It ain2t I2m not .er" Kapp" with "ou, Mr' &harles' ,n2" a shop2s what I halwa"s fan$ied'5 4And how mu$h ha.e "ou put 3"D5 6am hesitated' 4*hirt" pound, sir'5 &harles did not smile, 3ut went and stood at his 3edroom window' 4!ow long has it taken "ou to sa.e thatD5 4*hree "ears, sir'5 *en pounds a "ear ma" not seem mu$h+ 3ut it was a third of three "ears2
wages, as &harles rapidl" $al$ulated+ and made proportionall" a mu$h 3etter showing in the thrift line than &harles himself $ould ha.e offered' !e glan$ed 3a$k at 6am, who stood meekl" waiting83ut waiting for whatD8 3" the side ta3le with the tea things' In the silen$e that followed &harles entered upon his first fatal mistake, whi$h was to gi.e 6am his sin$ere opinion of the proCe$t' /erhaps it was in a .er" small wa" a 3luff, a pretending not e.en faintl" to suspe$t the whiff of for;ser.i$es;rendered in 6am2s approa$h+ 3ut it was far more an assumption of the an$ient responsi3ilit"8and not quite s"non"mous with su3lime arrogan$e8of the infalli3le master for the falli3le underling' 4I warn "ou, 6am, on$e "ou take ideas a3o.e "our station "ou will ha.e nothing 3ut unhappiness' 1ou2ll 3e misera3le without a shop' And dou3l" misera3le with it'5 6am2s head sunk a fra$tion lower' 4And 3esides, 6am, I2m used to "ou ''' fond of "ou' I2m damned if I want to lose "ou'5 4I know, Mr' &harles' 1our feelings is Kighl" reproskitated' :ith respe$k, sir'5 4:ell then' :e2re happ" with ea$h other' (et us $ontinue that wa"'5 6am 3owed his head and turned to pi$k up the tea things' !is disappointment was flagrant+ he was !ope A3andoned, (ife &ut 6hort, Girtue -nrewarded, and a do=en other moping statues' 4>ow, 6am spare me the whipped dog' If "ou marr" this girl then of $ourse "ou must ha.e a married man2s wages' And something to set "ou up' I shall do handsomel" 3" "ou, rest assured of that'5 4*hat2s .er" kind hindeed of "ou, Mr' &harles'5 ?ut the .oi$e was sepul$hral, those statues in no wa" demolished' &harles saw himself a moment from 6am2s e"es' !e had 3een seen in their "ears together to spend a great deal of mone"+ 6am must know he had a great deal more mone" $oming to him on his marriage+ and he might not unnaturall"8that is, with inno$ent moti.e8ha.e $ome to 3elie.e that two or three hundred pounds was not mu$h to ask for' 46am, "ou must not think me ungenerous' *he fa$t is ''' well, the reason I went to :ins"att is that ''' well, 6ir Ro3ert is going to get married'5 4>o, sirI 6ir Ro3ertI >e.erI5 6am2s surprise makes one suspe$t that his real am3ition should ha.e 3een in the theater' !e did e.er"thing 3ut drop the tra" that he was $arr"ing+ 3ut this was of $ourse ante 6tanisla.ski' &harles fa$ed the window and went on' 4:hi$h means, 6am, that at a time when I ha.e alread" $onsidera3le e)pense to meet I ha.en2t mu$h to spare'5 4I Kad no idea, Mr' &harles' :h" ''' I $an2t Kardl" 3elie.e8 at Kis hageI5
&harles hastil" stopped the impending $ommiseration' 4:e must wish 6ir Ro3ert e.er" happiness' ?ut there it is' It will soon all 3e pu3li$ knowledge' !owe.er, 6am8"ou will sa" nothing of this'5 4,h Mr' &harles8"ou knows I knows Kow to keep a se$ret'5 &harles did gi.e a sharp look round at 6am then, 3ut his ser.ant2s e"es were modestl" down again' &harles wished desperatel" that he $ould see them' ?ut the" remained a.erted from his keen ga=e+ and dro.e him into his se$ond fatal mistake8for 6am2s despair had $ome far less from 3eing re3uffed than from suspe$ting his master had no guilt" se$ret upon whi$h he $ould 3e le.ered' 46am, I ''' that is, when I2m married, $ir$umstan$es will 3e easier ''' I don2t wish to dash "our hopes $ompletel"8let me think on it'5 In 6am2s heart a little flame of e)ultation leaped into life' !e had done it+ a le.er e)isted' 4Mr' &harles, sir, I wish I Kadn2t spoke' I Kad no idea'5 4>o, no' I am glad "ou 3rought this up' I will perhaps ask Mr' 7reeman2s ad.i$e if I find an opportunit"' >o dou3t he knows what is to 3e said for su$h a .enture'5 4/ure gold, Mr' &harles, pure gold8that2s Kow I2d treat an" words of had.i$e from that gentleman2s mouth'5 :ith this h"per3ole 6am left' &harles stared at the $losed door' !e 3egan to wonder if there wasn2t something of a -riah !eep 3eginning to erupt on the surfa$e of 6am2s personalit"+ a $ertain dupli$it"' !e had alwa"s aped the gentleman in his $lothes and manners+ and now there was .aguel" something else a3out the spurious gentleman he was aping' It was su$h an age of $hangeI 6o man" orders 3eginning to melt and dissol.e' !e remained staring for se.eral moments83ut then 3ahI :hat would granting 6am his wish matter with #rnestina2s mone" in the 3ankD !e turned to his es$ritoire and unlo$ked a drawer' 7rom it he drew a po$ket3ook and s$ri33led something no dou3t a reminder to speak to Mr' 7reeman' Meanwhile, downstairs, 6am was reading the $ontents of the two telegrams' ,ne was to the :hite (ion, informing the landlord of their return' *he other read MI66 7R##MA> A* MR6' *RA>*#R26, ?R,A< 6*R##*, (1M# R#0I6' M1 IMM#<IA*# R#*-R> !A6 ?##> &,MMA><#< A>< :I(( ?# M,6* !A//I(1 ,?#1#< ?1 1,-R M,6* A77#&*I,>A*# &!AR(#6 6MI*!6,>'
In those da"s onl" the un$outh 1ankees des$ended to telegraphese' *his was not the first pri.ate $orresponden$e that had 3een under 6am2s e"es that morning' *he en.elope of the se$ond letter he had 3rought to &harles had 3een gummed 3ut not sealed' A little steam does wonders+ and 6am had had a whole morning in whi$h to find himself alone for a minute in that kit$hen' /erhaps "ou ha.e 3egun to agree with &harles a3out 6am' !e is not re.ealing himself the most honest of men, that must 3e said' ?ut the thought of marriage does strange things' It makes the intending partners suspe$t an inequalit" in things+ it makes them wish the" had more to gi.e to ea$h other+ it kills the insou$ian$e of "outh+ its responsi3ilities isolate, and the more altruisti$ aspe$ts of the so$ial $ontra$t are dimmed' It is easier, in short, to 3e dishonest for two than for one' 6am did not think of his pro$edure as dishonest+ he $alled it 4pla"ing "our $ards right'5 In simple terms it meant now that the marriage with #rnestina must go through+ onl" from her dowr" $ould he hope for his two hundred and fift" pounds+ if more spooning 3etween the master and the wi$ked woman of ("me were to take pla$e, it must take pla$e under the $ardpla"er2s sharp nose8and might not 3e altogether a 3ad thing, sin$e the more guilt &harles had the surer tou$h he 3e$ame+ 3ut if it went too far ''' 6am su$ked his lower lip and frowned' It was no wonder he was 3eginning to feel rather a3o.e his station+ mat$hmakers alwa"s ha.e'
43
1et I thought I saw her stand, A shadow there at m" feet, !igh o.er the shadow" land' 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)
/erhaps one $an find more $olor for the m"th of a rational human 3eha.ior in an iron age like the Gi$torian than in most others' &harles had $ertainl" de$ided, after his night of re3ellion, to go through with his marriage to
#rnestina' It had ne.er seriousl" entered his mind that he would not+ Ma *erpsi$hore2s and the prostitute had 3ut 3een, unlikel" though it ma" seem, $onfirmations of that intention8last petulant dou3ts of a thing $on$luded, last questionings of the unquestiona3le' !e had said as mu$h to himself on his queas" return home, whi$h ma" e)plain the rough treatment 6am re$ei.ed' As for 6arah ''' the other 6arah had 3een her surrogate, her sad and sordid end, and his awakening' 7or all that, he $ould ha.e wished her letter had shown a $learer guilt8 that she had asked for mone" (3ut she $ould hardl" ha.e spent ten pounds in so short a time), or poured out her illi$it feelings for him' ?ut it is diffi$ult to read either passion or despair into the three words' 4#ndi$ott2s 7amil" !otel5+ and not e.en a date, an initialI It was $ertainl" an a$t of diso3edien$e, a 3";passing of Aunt *ranter+ 3ut she $ould hardl" 3e arraigned for kno$king on his door' It was eas" to de$ide that the impli$it in.itation must 3e ignored he must ne.er see her again' ?ut perhaps 6arah the prostitute had reminded &harles of the uniqueness of 6arah the out$ast that total a3sen$e of finer feeling in the one onl" affirmed its astonishing sur.i.al in the other' !ow shrewd and sensiti.e she was, in her strange wa" ' ' ' some of those things she had said after her $onfession8the" haunted one' !e thought a great deal8if re$olle$tion is thought8a3out 6arah on the long Courne" down to the :est' !e $ould not 3ut feel that to ha.e $ommitted her to an institution, howe.er enlightened, would ha.e 3een a 3etra"al' I sa" 4her,5 3ut the pronoun is one of the most terrif"ing masks man has in.ented+ what $ame to &harles was not a pronoun, 3ut e"es, looks, the line of the hair o.er a temple, a nim3le step, a sleeping fa$e' All this was not da"dreaming, of $ourse+ 3ut earnest $onsideration of a moral pro3lem and $aused 3" an augustl" pure soli$itude for the unfortunate woman2s future welfare' *he train drew into #)eter' 6am appeared, within a 3rief pause of its final stopping whistle, at the window of the $ompartment+ he of $ourse had tra.eled in the third $lass' 4Are we sta"in2 the night, Mr' &harlesD5 4>o' A $arriage' A four;wheeler' It looks like rain'5 6am had 3et himself a thousand pounds that the" would sta" in #)eter' ?ut he o3e"ed without hesitation, Cust as his master had, at the sight of 6am2s fa$e, de$ided8and somewhere deep in him a de$ision had remained to take8 without hesitation on his $ourse of a$tion' It was reall" 6am that had determined it &harles $ould not fa$e an" more pre.ari$ation' It was onl" when the" were alread" drawing through the eastern outskirts of the $it" that &harles felt a sense of sadness and of loss, of ha.ing
now $ast the fatal die' It seemed to him astounding that one simple de$ision, one answer to a tri.ial question, should determine so mu$h' -ntil that moment, all had 3een potential+ now all was ine)ora3l" fi)ed' !e had done the moral, the de$ent, the $orre$t thing+ and "et it seemed to 3etra" in him some inherent weakness, some willingness to a$$ept his fate, whi$h he knew, 3" one of those premonitions that are as $ertain as fa$ts, would one da" lead him into the world of $ommer$e+ into pleasing #rnestina 3e$ause she would want to please her father, to whom he owed so mu$h ''' he stared at the $ountr"side the" had now entered and felt himself su$ked slowl" through it as if down some monstrous pipe' *he $arriage rolled on, a loosened spring $reaking a little at ea$h Colt, as mournfull" as a tum3ril' *he e.ening sk" was o.er$ast and it had 3egun to dri==le' In su$h $ir$umstan$es, tra.eling on his own, &harles would usuall" ha.e $alled 6am down and let him sit inside' ?ut he $ould not fa$e 6am (not that 6am, who saw nothing 3ut gold on the wet road to ("me, minded the ostra$ism)' It was as if he would ne.er ha.e solitude again' :hat little was left, he must enCo"' !e thought again of the woman he had left in the $it" 3ehind them' !e thought of her not, of $ourse, as an alternati.e to #rnestina+ nor as someone he might, had he $hosen, ha.e married instead' *hat would ne.er ha.e 3een possi3le' Indeed it was hardl" 6arah he now thought of8 she was merel" the s"m3ol around whi$h had a$$reted all his lost possi3ilities, his e)tin$t freedoms, his ne.er;to;3e;taken Courne"s' !e had to sa" farewell to something+ she was merel" and $on.enientl" 3oth $lose and re$eding' *here was no dou3t' !e was one of life2s .i$tims, one more ammonite $aught in the .ast mo.ements of histor", stranded now for eternit", a potential turned to a fossil' After a while he $ommitted the ultimate weakness he fell asleep'
44
<ut"8that2s to sa" $ompl"ing :ith whate2er2s e)pe$ted here ' '' :ith the form $onforming dul",
6enseless what it meaneth trul" ' ' ' K*is the stern and prompt suppressing, As an o3.ious deadl" sin, All the questing and the guessing ,f the soul2s own soul within K*is the $oward a$quies$en$e In a destin"2s 3ehest ' ' ' 8A' !' &(,-0!, 4<ut"5 (1841)
*he" arri.ed at the :hite (ion Cust 3efore ten that night' *he lights were still on in Aunt *ranter2s house+ a $urtain mo.ed as the" passed' &harles performed a qui$k toilet and lea.ing 6am to unpa$k, strode manfull" up the hill' Mar" was o.erCo"ed to see him+ Aunt *ranter, Cust 3ehind her, was pinkl" wreathed in wel$oming smiles' 6he had had stri$t orders to remo.e herself as soon as she had greeted the tra.eler there was to 3e no duenna nonsense that e.ening' #rnestina, with her $ustomar" estimation of her own dignit", had remained in the 3a$k sitting room' 6he did not rise when &harles entered, 3ut ga.e him a long reproa$hful look from under her e"elashes' !e smiled' 4I forgot to 3u" flowers in #)eter'5 46o I see, sir'5 4I was in su$h haste to 3e here 3efore "ou went to 3ed'5 6he $ast down her e"es and wat$hed her hands, whi$h were engaged in em3roider"' &harles mo.ed $loser, and the hands rather a3ruptl" stopped work and turned o.er the small arti$le at whi$h the" were working' 4I see I ha.e a ri.al'5 41ou deser.e to ha.e man"'5 !e knelt 3eside her and gentl" raised one of her hands and kissed it' 6he slipped a little look at him' 4I ha.en2t slept a minute sin$e "ou went awa"'5 4I $an see that 3" "our pallid $heeks and swollen e"es'5 6he would not smile' 4>ow "ou make fun of me'5 4If this is what insomnia does to "ou I shall arrange to ha.e an alarm 3ell ringing perpetuall" in our 3edroom'5 6he 3lushed' &harles rose and sat 3eside her and drew her head round and kissed her mouth and then her $losed e"es, whi$h after 3eing thus tou$hed opened and stared into his, e.er" atom of dr"ness gone' !e smiled' 4>ow let me see what "ou are em3roidering for "our se$ret admirer'5 6he held up her work' It was a wat$h po$ket, in 3lue .el.et8one of
those little pou$hes Gi$torian gentlemen hung 3" their dressing ta3les and put their wat$hes in at night' ,n the hanging flap there was em3roidered a white heart with the initials & and # on either side+ on the fa$e of the pou$h was 3egun, 3ut not finished, a $ouplet in gold thread' &harles read it out loud' 42#a$h time th" wat$h thou wind2 ''' and how the deu$e is that to finishD5 41ou must guess'5 &harles stared at the 3lue .el.et' 4*h" wife her teeth will grind2D5 6he snat$hed it out of sight' 4>ow I shan2t tell' 1ou are no 3etter than a $ad'5 A 4$ad5 in those da"s meant an omni3us $ondu$tor, famous for their gift of low repartee' 4:ho would ne.er ask a fare of one so fair'5 47alse flatter" and fee3le puns are equall" detesta3le'5 4And "ou, m" dearest, are adora3le when "ou are angr"'5 4*hen I shall forgi.e "ou8Cust to 3e horrid'5 6he turned a little awa" from him then, though his arm remained around her waist and the pressure of his hand on hers was returned' *he" remained in silen$e a few moments' !e kissed her hand on$e more' 4I ma" walk with "ou tomorrow morningD And we2ll show the world what fashiona3le lo.ers we are, and look 3ored, and quite unmistaka3l" a marriage of $on.enien$eD5 6he smiled+ then impulsi.el" dis$losed the wat$h po$ket' 42#a$h time th" wat$h thou wind, ,f lo.e ma" I thee remind'25 4M" sweetest'5 !e ga=ed into her e"es a moment longer, then felt in his po$ket and pla$ed on her lap a small hinged 3o) in dark;red moro$$o' 47lowers of a kind'5 6h"l" she pressed the little $lasp 3a$k and opened the 3o)+ on a 3ed of $rimson .el.et la" an elegant 6wiss 3roo$h a tin" o.al mosai$ of a spra" of flowers, 3ordered 3" alternate pearls and fragments of $oral set in gold' 6he looked dewil" at &harles' !e helpfull" $losed his e"es' 6he turned and leaned and planted a $haste kiss softl" on his lips+ then la" with her head on his shoulder, and looked again at the 3roo$h, and kissed that' &harles remem3ered the lines of that priapi$ song' !e whispered in her ear' 4I wish tomorrow were our wedding da"'5 It was simple one li.ed 3" iron" and sentiment, one o3ser.ed $on.ention' :hat might ha.e 3een was one more su3Ce$t for deta$hed and ironi$ o3ser.ation+ as was what might 3e' ,ne surrendered, in other words+
one learned to 3e what one was' &harles pressed the girl2s arm' 4<earest, I ha.e a small $onfession to make' It $on$erns that misera3le female at Marl3orough !ouse'5 6he sat up a little, pertl" surprised, alread" amused' 4>ot poor *raged"D5 !e smiled' 4I fear the more .ulgar appellation is 3etter suited'5 !e pressed her hand' 4It is reall" most stupid and tri.ial' :hat happened was merel" this' <uring one of m" little pursuits of the elusi.e e$hinoderm '''5 And so ends the stor"' :hat happened to 6arah, I do not know8 whate.er it was, she ne.er trou3led &harles again in person, howe.er long she ma" ha.e lingered in his memor"' *his is what most often happens' /eople sink out of sight, drown in the shadows of $loser things' &harles and #rnestina did not li.e happil" e.er after+ 3ut the" li.ed together, though &harles finall" sur.i.ed her 3" a de$ade (and earnestl" mourned her throughout it)' *he" 3egat what shall it 3e8let us sa" se.en $hildren' 6ir Ro3ert added inCur" to insult 3" siring, and within ten months of his allian$e to Mrs' ?ella *omkins, not one heir, 3ut two' *his fatal pair of twins were what finall" dro.e &harles into 3usiness' !e was 3ored to 3egin with+ and then got a taste for the thing' !is own sons were gi.en no $hoi$e+ and their sons toda" still $ontrol the great shop and all its ramifi$a; tions' 6am and Mar"83ut who $an 3e 3othered with the 3iograph" of ser.antsD *he" married, and 3red, and died, in the monotonous fashion of their kind' >ow who elseD <r' 0roganD !e died in his ninet";first "ear' 6in$e Aunt *ranter also li.ed into her nineties, we ha.e $lear proof of the amia3ilit" of the fresh ("me air' It $annot 3e all;effe$ti.e, though, sin$e Mrs' /oultene" died within two months of &harles2s last return to ("me' !ere, I am happ" to sa", I $an summon up enough interest to look into the future8that is, into her after; life' 6uita3l" dressed in 3la$k, she arri.ed in her 3arou$he at the !ea.enl" 0ates' !er footman8for naturall", as in an$ient #g"pt, her whole household had died with her8des$ended and gra.el" opened the $arriage door' Mrs' /oultene" mounted the steps and after making a mental note to inform the &reator (when she knew !im 3etter) that !is domesti$s should 3e more on the alert for important $allers, pulled the 3ellring' *he 3utler at last appeared' 4Ma2amD5 4I am Mrs' /oultene"' I ha.e $ome to take up residen$e' Hindl" inform "our Master'5 4!is Infinitude has 3een informed of "our de$ease, ma2m' !is angels
ha.e alread" sung a 9u3ilate in $ele3ration of the e.ent'5 4*hat is most proper and kind of !im'5 And the worth" lad", pluming and swelling, made to sweep into the imposing white hall she saw 3e"ond the 3utler2s head' ?ut the man did not mo.e aside' Instead he rather impertinentl" Cangled some ke"s he $han$ed to ha.e in his hand' 4M" manI Make wa"' I am she' Mrs' /oultene" of ("me Regis'5 47ormerl" of ("me Regis, ma2m' And now of a mu$h more tropi$al a3ode'5 :ith that, the 3rutal flunke" slammed the door in her fa$e' Mrs' /oultene"2s immediate rea$tion was to look round, for fear her domesti$s might ha.e o.erheard this s$ene' ?ut her $arriage, whi$h she had thought to hear draw awa" to the ser.ants2 quarters, had m"steriousl" disappeared' In fa$t e.er"thing had disappeared, road and lands$ape (rather resem3ling the 0reat <ri.e up to :indsor &astle, for some pe$uliar reason), all, all had .anished' *here was nothing 3ut spa$e8and horror of horrors, a de.ouring spa$e' ,ne 3" one, the steps up whi$h Mrs' /oultene" had so imperiall" mounted 3egan also to disappear' ,nl" three were left+ and then onl" two+ then one' Mrs' /oultene" stood on nothing' 6he was most distin$tl" heard to sa" 4(ad" &otton is 3ehind this5+ and then she fell, floun$ing and 3annering and 3allooning, like a shot $row, down to where her real master waited'
45
And ah for a man to arise in me, *hat the man I am ma" $ease to 3eI 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)
And now, ha.ing 3rought this fi$tion to a thoroughl" traditional ending, I had 3etter e)plain that although all I ha.e des$ri3ed in the last two $hapters happened, it did not happen quite in the wa" "ou ma" ha.e 3een led to 3elie.e' I said earlier that we are all poets, though not man" of us write poetr"+ and so are we all no.elists, that is, we ha.e a ha3it of writing fi$tional
futures for oursel.es, although perhaps toda" we in$line more to put oursel.es into a film' :e s$reen in our minds h"potheses a3out how we might 3eha.e, a3out what might happen to us+ and these no.elisti$ or $inemati$ h"potheses often ha.e .er" mu$h more effe$t on how we a$tuall" do 3eha.e, when the real future 3e$omes the present, than we generall" allow' &harles was no e)$eption+ and the last few pages "ou ha.e read are not what happened, 3ut what he spent the hours 3etween (ondon and #)eter imagining might happen' *o 3e sure he did not think in quite the detailed and $oherent narrati.e manner I ha.e emplo"ed+ nor would I swear that he followed Mrs' /oultene"2s postmortal $areer in quite su$h interesting detail' ?ut he $ertainl" wished her to the <e.il, so it $omes to almost the same thing' A3o.e all he felt himself $oming to the end of a stor"+ and to an end he did not like' If "ou noti$ed in those last two $hapters an a3ruptness, a la$k of $onsonan$e, a 3etra"al of &harles2s deeper potentialit" and a small matter of his 3eing gi.en a life span of .er" nearl" a $entur" and a quarter+ if "ou entertained a suspi$ion, not un$ommon in literature, that the writer2s 3reath has gi.en out and he has rather ar3itraril" ended the ra$e while he feels he2s still winning, then do not 3lame me+ 3e$ause all these feelings, or refle$tions of them, were .er" present in &harles2s own mind' *he 3ook of his e)isten$e, so it seemed to him, was a3out to $ome to a distin$tl" sha33" $lose' And the 4I,5 that entit" who found su$h sli$kl" spe$ious reasons for $onsigning 6arah to the shadows of o3li.ion, was not m"self+ it was merel" the personifi$ation of a $ertain massi.e indifferen$e in things8too hostile for &harles to think of as 40od58that had set its male.olent inertia on the #rnestina side of the s$ales+ that seemed an ine)ora3le onward dire$tion as fi)ed as that of the train whi$h drew &harles along' I was not $heating when I said that &harles had de$ided, in (ondon that da" after his es$apade, to go through with his marriage+ that was his offi$ial de$ision, Cust as it had on$e 3een his offi$ial de$ision (rea$tion might 3e a more a$$urate word) to go into !ol" ,rders' :here I ha.e $heated was in anal"=ing the effe$t that three;word letter $ontinued to ha.e on him' It tormented him, it o3sessed him, it $onfused him' *he more he thought a3out it the more 6arah;like that sending of the address8and nothing more8 appeared' It was perfe$tl" in ke" with all her other 3eha.ior, and to 3e de; s$ri3ed onl" 3" o)";moron+ luring;re$eding, su3tle;simple, proud;3egging, defending;a$$using' *he Gi$torian was a proli) age+ and una$$ustomed to the <elphi$'
?ut a3o.e all it seemed to set &harles a $hoi$e+ and while one part of him hated ha.ing to $hoose, we $ome near the se$ret of his state on that Courne" west when we know that another part of him felt intolera3l" e)$ited 3" the pro)imit" of the moment of $hoi$e' !e had not the 3enefit of e)isten; tialist terminolog"+ 3ut what he felt was reall" a .er" $lear $ase of the an)iet" of freedom8that is, the reali=ation that one is free and the reali=ation that 3eing free is a situation of terror' 6o let us ki$k 6am out of his h"potheti$al future and 3a$k into his #)eter present' !e goes to his master2s $ompartment when the train stops' 4Are we sta"in2 the night, sirD5 &harles stares at him a moment, a de$ision still to make, and looks o.er his head at the o.er$ast sk"' 4I fan$" it will rain' :e2ll put up at the 6hip'5 And so 6am, a thousand unpossessed pounds ri$her, stood a few minutes later with his master outside the station, wat$hing the loading of &harles2s impedimenta on to the roof of a tired fl"' &harles showed a de$ided restlessness' *he portmanteau was at last tied down, and all waited on him' 4I think, 6am, after that $onfounded train Courne", I will stret$h m" legs' <o "ou go on with the 3aggage'5 6am2s heart sank' 4:ith respe$k, Mr' &harles, I wouldn2t' >ot with them rain$louds up there a3out to 3reak'5 4A little rain won2t hurt me'5 6am swallowed, 3owed' 41es, Mr' &harles' 6hall I gi.e horders for dinnerD5 41es ' ' ' that is ''' I2ll see when I $ome in' I ma" attend #.ensong at the &athedral'5 &harles set off up the hill towards the $it"' 6am wat$hed him gloomil" on his wa" for a little while, then turned to the $a33"' 4#h8K$ard of !endi$ott2s 7amil" K,telD5 4A"e'5 4Hnow where it isD5 4A"e'5 4:ell, "ou doll" me up to the 6hip dou3le qui$k and "ou ma" Kear somethink to "our had.antage, m" man'5 And with a suita3le aplom3 6am got into the $arriage' It .er" soon o.ertook &harles, who walked with a flagrant slowness, as if taking the air' ?ut as soon as it had gone out of sight he qui$kened his pa$e' 6am had plent" of e)perien$e of dealing with sleep" pro.in$ial inns' *he luggage was unloaded, the 3est a.aila3le rooms $hosen, a fire lit, nightwear
laid out with other ne$essities8and all in se.en minutes' *hen he strode sharpl" out into the street, where the $a33" still waited' A short further Courne" took pla$e' 7rom inside 6am looked $autiousl" round, then des$ended and paid off his dri.er' 47irst left "ou2ll find Kun, sir'5 4*hank "ou, m" man' K#re2s a $ouple o2 3rowns for "ou'5 And with this disgra$efull" mean tip (e.en for #)eter) 6am tipped his 3owler o.er his e"es and melted awa" into the dusk' !alfwa" down the street he was in, and fa$ing the one the $a33" had indi$ated, stood a Methodist &hapel, with imposing $olumns under its pediment' ?ehind one of these the em3r"o dete$ti.e installed himself' It was now nearl" night, $ome earl" under a gra";3la$k sk"' 6am did not ha.e to wait long' !is heart leaped as a tall figure $ame into sight' #.identl" at a loss the figure addressed himself to a small 3o"' *he 3o" promptl" led the wa" to the $orner 3elow 6am2s .iewpoint, and pointed, a gesture that earned him, to Cudge 3" his grin, rather more than twopen$e' &harles2s 3a$k re$eded' *hen he stopped and looked up' !e retra$ed a few steps 3a$k towards 6am' *hen as if impatient with himself he turned again and entered one of the houses' 6am slipped from 3ehind his pillar and ran down the steps and a$ross to the street in whi$h #ndi$ott2s 7amil" stood' !e waited a while on the $orner' ?ut &harles did not reappear' 6am 3e$ame 3older and lounged $asuall" along the warehouse wall that fa$ed the row of houses' !e $ame to where he $ould see the hallwa" of the hotel' It was empt"' 6e.eral rooms had lights' 6ome fifteen minutes passed and it 3egan to rain' 6am 3it his nails for a while, in furious thought' *hen he 3egan to walk qui$kl" awa"'
46
As "et, when all is thought and said, *he heart still o.errules the head+ 6till what we hope we must 3elie.e, And what is gi.en us re$ei.e+ Must still 3elie.e, for still we hope
*hat in a world of larger s$ope, :hat here is faithfull" 3egun :ill 3e $ompleted, not undone' M" $hild, we still must think, when we *hat ampler life together see, 6ome true results will "et appear ,f what we are, together, here' 8A' !' &(,-0!, /oem (184J)
&harles hesitated in the sha33" hall, then kno$ked on the door of a room that was aCar and from whi$h light $ame' !e was 3ade enter, and so found himself fa$e to fa$e with the proprietress' Mu$h qui$ker than he summed her up, she summed him a fifteen;shillinger 3e"ond mistake' *herefore she smiled gratefull"' 4A room, sirD5 4>o' I ''' that is, I wish to speak with one of "our ''' a Miss :oodruffD5 Mrs' #ndi$ott2s smile a3ruptl" ga.e wa" to a long fa$e' &harles2s heart dropped' 46he is not''' D5 4,h the poor "oung lad", sir, she was a;$oming downstairs the da" 3efore "esterda" morning and she slipped, sir' 6he2s turned her ankle something horri3le' 6wole up 3ig as a marrow' I wanted to ask the do$tor, sir, 3ut she won2t hear of it' K*is true a turned ankle mends itself' And ph"si$ians $ome .er" e)pensi.e'5 &harles looked at the end of his $ane' 4*hen I $annot see her'5 4,h 3less me, "ou $an go up, sir' K*will raise her spirits' 1ou2ll 3e some relati.e, I daresa"D5 4I ha.e to see her ''' on a 3usiness matter'5 Mrs' #ndi$ott2s respe$t deepened' 4Ah ''' a gentleman of the lawD5 &harles hesitated, then said, 41es'5 4*hen "ou must go up, sir'5 4I think ''' would "ou please send to ask if m" .isit were not 3etter put off till she is re$o.eredD5 !e felt .er" mu$h at a loss' !e remem3ered Garguennes+ sin was to meet in pri.a$"' !e had $ome merel" to inquire+ had hoped for a downstairs sitting room8somewhere 3oth intimate and pu3li$' *he old woman hesitated, then $ast a qui$k e"e at a $ertain open 3o) 3eside her rolltop desk and apparentl" de$ided that e.en law"ers $an 3e thie.es8a possi3ilit" few who ha.e had to meet their fees would dispute' :ithout mo.ing and with a surprising .iolen$e she $alled for one ?ett" Anne'
?ett" Anne appeared and was sent off with a .isiting $ard' 6he seemed gone some time, during whi$h &harles had to repel a num3er of inquisiti.e attempts to dis$o.er his errand' At last ?ett" Anne $ame 3a$k he was pra"ed to go up' !e followed the plump maid2s 3a$k to the top floor and was shown the s$ene of the a$$ident' *he stairs were $ertainl" steep+ and in those da"s, when the" $ould rarel" see their own feet, women were alwa"s falling it was a $ommonpla$e of domesti$ life' *he" $ame to a door at the end of a mournful $orridor' &harles, his heart 3eating far faster than e.en the three flights of steep stairs had warranted, was 3rusquel" announ$ed' 4*he gennelmun, miss'5 !e stepped into the room' 6arah was seated 3" the fire in a $hair fa$ing the door, her feet on a stool, with 3oth them and her legs $o.ered 3" a red :elsh 3lanket' *he green merino shawl was round her shoulders, 3ut $ould not quite hide the fa$t that she was in a long;slee.ed nightgown' !er hair was loose and fell o.er her green shoulders' 6he seemed to him mu$h smaller8and agoni=ingl" sh"' 6he did not smile, 3ut looked down at her hands8onl", as he first $ame in, one swift look up, like a frightened penitent, sure of his anger, 3efore she 3owed her head again' !e stood with his hat in one hand, his sti$k and glo.es in the other' 4I was passing through #)eter'5 !er head 3owed a fra$tion deeper in a mingled understanding and shame' 4!ad I not 3etter go at on$e and fet$h a do$torD5 6he spoke into her lap' 4/lease not' !e would onl" ad.ise me to do what I am alread" doing'5 !e $ould not take his e"es from her8to see her so pinioned, so in.alid (though her $heeks were a deep pink), helpless' And after that eternal indigo dress8the green shawl, the ne.er 3efore full" re.ealed ri$hness of that hair' A faint $edar" smell of liniment $rept into &harles2s nostrils' 41ou are not in painD5 6he shook her head' 4*o do su$h a thing ''' I $annot understand how I should 3e so foolish'5 4At an" rate 3e thankful that it did not happen in the -nder$liff'5 41es'5 6he seemed hopelessl" a3ashed 3" his presen$e' !e glan$ed round the small room' A newl" made;up fire 3urned in the grate' *here were some tired stems of nar$issus in a *o3" Cug on the mantelpie$e' ?ut the meanness of the furnishing was painfull" o3.ious, and an added em3arrassment' ,n the $eiling were 3la$kened pat$hes8fumes from the oil lamp+ like so man"
spe$tral reli$s of $ountless dra3 past o$$upants of the room' 4/erhaps I should '''5 4>o' /lease' 6it down' 7orgi.e me' I ''' I did not e)pe$t'''5 !e pla$ed his things on the $hest of drawers, then sat at the onl" other, a wooden $hair 3" the ta3le, a$ross the room from her' !ow should she e)pe$t, in spite of her letter, what he had himself so firml" ruled out of the questionD !e sought for some e)$use' 41ou ha.e $ommuni$ated "our address to Mrs' *ranterD5 6he shook her head' 6ilen$e' &harles stared at the $arpet' 4,nl" to m"selfD5 Again her head 3owed' !e nodded gra.el", as if he had guessed as mu$h' And then there was more silen$e' An angr" flurr" of rain spattered against the panes of the window 3ehind her' &harles said, 4*hat is what I ha.e $ome to dis$uss'5 6he waited, 3ut he did not go on' Again his e"es were fi)ed on her' *he nightgown 3uttoned high at the ne$k and at her wrists' Its whiteness shimmered rose in the firelight, for the lamp on the ta3le 3eside him was not turned up .er" high' And her hair, alread" enhan$ed 3" the green shawl, was ra.ishingl" ali.e where the firelight tou$hed it+ as if all her m"ster", this most intimate self, was e)posed 3efore him proud and su3missi.e, 3ound and un3ound, his sla.e and his equal' !e knew wh" he had $ome it was to see her again' 6eeing her was the need+ like an intolera3le thirst that had to 3e assuaged' !e for$ed himself to look awa"' ?ut his e"es lighted on the two naked mar3le n"mphs a3o.e the firepla$e the" too took rose in the warm light refle$ted from the red 3lanket' *he" did not help' And 6arah made a little mo.ement' !e had to look 3a$k to her' 6he had raised her hand qui$kl" to her 3owed head' !er fingers 3rushed something awa" from her $heek, then $ame to rest on her throat' 4M" dear Miss :oodruff, pra" don2t $r" ''' I should not ha.e not $ome''' I meant not to '''5 ?ut she shook her head with a sudden .ehemen$e' !e ga.e her time to re$o.er' And it was while she made little da33ing motions with a handker$hief that he was o.er$ome with a .iolent se)ual desire+ a lust a thousand times greater than an"thing he had felt in the prostitute2s room' !er defenseless weeping was perhaps the 3rea$h through whi$h the knowledge sprang83ut suddenl" he $omprehended wh" her fa$e haunted him, wh" he felt this terri3le need to see her again it was to possess her, to melt into her, to 3urn, to 3urn to ashes on that 3od" and in those e"es' *o postpone su$h desire for a week, a month, a "ear, se.eral "ears e.en, that $an 3e done' ?ut
for eternit" is when the iron 3ites' !er ne)t words, to e)plain her tears, were 3arel" audi3le' 4I thought ne.er to see "ou again'5 !e $ould not tell her how $lose she had $ome to his own truth' 6he looked up at him and he as qui$kl" looked down' *hose same m"sterious s"n$opal s"mptoms as in the 3arn swept o.er him' !is heart ra$ed, his hand trem3led' !e knew if he looked into those e"es he was lost' As if to 3an them, he shut his own' *he silen$e was terri3le then, as tense as a 3ridge a3out to 3reak, a tower to fall+ unendura3le in its emotion, its truth 3ursting to 3e spoken' *hen suddenl" there was a little $as$ade of $oals from the fire' Most fell inside the low guard, 3ut one or two 3oun$ed off and onto the edge of the 3lanket that $o.ered 6arah2s legs' 6he Cerked it hastil" awa" as &harles knelt qui$kl" and sei=ed the small sho.el from the 3rass 3u$ket' *he $oals on the $arpet were qui$kl" repla$ed' ?ut the 3lanket smoldered' !e snat$hed it awa" from her and throwing it on the ground hastil" stamped out the sparks' A smell of singed wool filled the room' ,ne of 6arah2s legs still rested on the stool, 3ut she had put the other to the ground' ?oth feet were 3are' !e looked down at the 3lanket, made sure with one or two slaps of his hand that it no longer smoldered, then turned and pla$ed it a$ross her legs on$e more' !e was 3ent $lose, his e"es on the arranging' And then, as if 3" an instin$ti.e gesture, "et one she half dared to $al$ulate, her hand rea$hed sh"l" out and rested on his' !e knew she was looking up at him' !e $ould not mo.e his hand, and suddenl" he $ould not keep his e"es from hers' *here was gratitude in them, and all the old sadness, and a strange $on$ern, as if she knew she was hurting him+ 3ut a3o.e all she was waiting' Infinitel" timid, "et waiting' If there had 3een the faintest smile on her lips, perhaps he would ha.e remem3ered <r' 0rogan2s theor"+ 3ut this was a fa$e that seemed almost self;surprised, as lost as himself' !ow long the" looked into ea$h other2s e"es he did not know' It seemed an eternit", though in realit" it was no more than three or four se$onds' *heir hands a$ted first' ?" some m"sterious $ommunion, the fingers interla$ed' *hen &harles fell on one knee and strained her passionatel" to him' *heir mouths met with a wild .iolen$e that sho$ked 3oth+ made her a.ert her lips' !e $o.ered her $heeks, her e"es, with kisses' !is hand at last tou$hed that hair, $aressed it, felt the small head through its softness, as the thin;$lad 3od" was felt against his arms and 3reast' 6uddenl" he 3uried his fa$e in her ne$k' 4:e must not''' we must not''' this is madness'5 ?ut her arms $ame round him and pressed his head $loser' !e did not mo.e' !e felt 3orne on wings of fire, hurtling, 3ut in su$h tender air, like a $hild at last let free from
s$hool, a prisoner in a green field, a hawk rising' !e raised his head and looked at her an almost sa.age fier$eness' *hen the" kissed again' ?ut he pressed against her with su$h for$e that the $hair rolled 3a$k a little' !e felt her flin$h with pain as the 3andaged foot fell from the stool' !e looked 3a$k to it, then at her fa$e, her $losed e"es' 6he turned her head awa" against the 3a$k of the $hair, almost as if he repelled her+ 3ut her 3osom seemed to ar$h imper$epti3l" towards him and her hands gripped his $on.ulsi.el"' !e glan$ed at the door 3ehind her+ then stood and in two strides was at it' *he 3edroom was not lit e)$ept 3" the dusk light and the faint street lamps opposite' ?ut he saw the gra" 3ed, the washstand' 6arah stood awkwardl" from the $hair, supporting herself against its 3a$k, the inCured foot lifted from the ground, one end of the shawl fallen from her shoulders' #a$h refle$ted the intensit" in ea$h other2s e"es, the flood, the 3eing swept 3efore it' 6he seemed to half step, half fall towards him' !e sprang forward and $aught her in his arms and em3ra$ed her' *he shawl fell' >o more than a la"er of flannel la" 3etween him and her nakedness' !e strained that 3od" into his, straining his mouth upon hers, with all the hunger of a long frustration8not merel" se)ual, for a whole ungo.erna3le torrent of things 3anned, roman$e, ad.enture, sin, madness, animalit", all these $oursed wildl" through him' !er head la" 3a$k in his arms, as if she had fainted, when he finall" raised his lips from her mouth' !e swept her up and $arried her through to the 3edroom' 6he la" where he threw her a$ross the 3ed, half swooned, one arm flung 3a$k' !e sei=ed her other hand and kissed it fe.erishl"+ it $aressed his fa$e' !e pulled himself awa" and ran 3a$k into the other room' !e 3egan to undress wildl", tearing off his $lothes as if someone was drowning and he was on the 3ank' A 3utton from his fro$k $oat flew off and rolled into a $orner, 3ut he did not e.en look to see where it went' !is waist$oat was torn off, his 3oots, his so$ks, his trousers and undertrousers ''' his pearl tie pin, his $ra.at' !e $ast a glan$e at the outer door, and went to twist the ke" in its lo$k' *hen, wearing onl" his long;tailed shirt, he went 3arelegged into the 3edroom' 6he had mo.ed a little, sin$e she now la" with her head on the pillow, though still on top of the 3ed, her fa$e twisted sidewa"s and hidden from his sight 3" a dark fan of hair' !e stood o.er her a moment, his mem3er ere$t and thrusting out his shirt' *hen he raised his left knee onto the narrow 3ed and fell on her, raining 3urning kisses on her mouth, her e"es, her throat' ?ut the passi.e "et a$quies$ent 3od" pressed 3eneath him, the naked feet that tou$hed his own ''' he $ould not wait' Raising himself a little, he drew up her nightgown' !er legs parted' :ith a franti$ 3rutalit", as he felt his eCa$ulation
a3out to 3urst, he found the pla$e and thrust' !er 3od" flin$hed again, as it had when her foot fell from the stool' !e $onquered that instin$ti.e $onstri$tion, and her arms flung round him as if she would 3ind him to her for that eternit" he $ould not dream without her' !e 3egan to eCa$ulate at on$e' 4,h m" dearest' M" dearest' M" sweetest angel ' ' ' 6arah, 6arah ''' oh 6arah'5 A few moments later he la" still' /re$isel" ninet" se$onds had passed sin$e he had left her to look into the 3edroom'
47
A.erse, as <ido did with gesture stern 7rom her false friend2s approa$h in !ades turn, :a.e us awa", and keep th" solitude' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 4*he 6$holar;0ips"5 (18EP)
6ilen$e' *he" la" as if paral"=ed 3" what the" had done' &ongealed in sin, fro=en with delight' &harles8no gentle post$oital sadness for him, 3ut an immediate and uni.ersal horror8was like a $it" stru$k out of a quiet sk" 3" an atom 3om3' All la" ra=ed+ all prin$iple, all future, all faith, all honora3le intent' 1et he sur.i.ed, he la" in the sweetest possession of his life, the last man ali.e, infinitel" isolated ' ' ' 3ut alread" the radioa$ti.it" of guilt $rept, $rept through his ner.es and .eins' In the distant shadows #rnestina stood and stared mournfull" at him' Mr' 7reeman stru$k him a$ross the fa$e ''' how stone the" were, rightl" impla$a3le, immo.a3l" waiting' !e shifted a little to relie.e 6arah of his weight, then turned on his 3a$k so that she $ould lie against him, her head on his shoulder' !e stared up at the $eiling' :hat a mess, what an inuttera3le messI And he held her a little $loser' !er hand rea$hed timidl" and em3ra$ed his' *he rain stopped' !ea." footsteps, slow, measured, passed somewhere 3eneath the window' A poli$e offi$er, perhaps' *he (aw'
&harles said, 4I am worse than Garguennes'5 !er onl" answer was to press his hand, as if to den" and hush him' ?ut he was a man' 4:hat is to 3e$ome of usD5 4I $annot think 3e"ond this hour'5 Again he pressed her shoulders, kissed her forehead+ then stared again at the $eiling' 6he was so "oung now, so o.erwhelmed' 4I must 3reak m" engagement'5 4I ask nothing of "ou' I $annot' I am to 3lame'5 41ou warned me, "ou warned me' I am wholl" to 3lame' I knew when I $ame here ''' I $hose to 3e 3lind' I put all m" o3ligations 3ehind me'5 6he murmured, 4I wished it so'5 6he said it again, sadl"' 4I wished it so'5 7or a while he stroked her hair' It fell o.er her shoulder, her fa$e, .eiling her' 46arah ''' it is the sweetest name'5 6he did not answer' A minute passed, his hand smoothing her hair, as if she were a $hild' ?ut his mind was elsewhere' As if she sensed it, she at last spoke' 4I know "ou $annot marr" me'5 4I must' I wish to' I $ould ne.er look m"self in the fa$e again if I did not'5 4I ha.e 3een wi$ked' I ha.e long imagined su$h a da" as this' I am not fit to 3e "our wife'5 4M" dearest84 41our position in the world, "our friends, "our ' ' ' and she8I know she must lo.e "ou' !ow should I not know what she feelsD5 4?ut I no longer lo.e herI5 6he let his .ehemen$e drain into the silen$e' 46he is worth" of "ou' I am not'5 At last he 3egan to take her at her word' !e made her turn her head and the" looked, in the dim outside light, into ea$h other2s penum3ral e"es' !is were full of a kind of horror+ and hers were $alm, faintl" smiling' 41ou $annot mean I should go awa"8as if nothing had happened 3etween usD5 6he said nothing+ "et in her e"es he read her meaning' !e raised himself on one el3ow' 41ou $annot forgi.e me so mu$h' ,r ask so little'5 6he sank her head against the pillow, her e"es on some dark future' 4:h" not, if I lo.e "ouD5 !e strained her to him' *he thought of su$h sa$rifi$e made his e"es
smart with tears' *he inCusti$e 0rogan and he had done herI 6he was a no3ler 3eing than either of them' &harles was flooded with $ontempt for his se) their tri.ialit", their $redulit", their selfishness' ?ut he was of that se), and there $ame to him some of its old de.ious $owardi$e &ould not this perhaps 3e no more than his last fling, the sowing of the last wild oatsD ?ut he no sooner thought that than he felt like a murderer a$quitted on some te$hni$al flaw in the prose$ution $ase' !e might stand a free man outside the $ourt+ 3ut eternall" guilt" in his heart' 4I am infinitel" strange to m"self'5 4I ha.e felt that too' It is 3e$ause we ha.e sinned' And we $annot 3elie.e we ha.e sinned'5 6he spoke as if she was staring into an endless night' 4All I wish for is "our happiness' >ow I know there was trul" a da" upon whi$h "ou lo.ed me, I $an 3ear ''' I $an 3ear an" thought ''' e)$ept that "ou should die'5 !e raised himself again then, and looked down at her' 6he had still a faint smile in her e"es, a deep knowing8a spiritual or ps"$hologi$al answer to his ph"si$al knowing of her' !e had ne.er felt so $lose, so one with a woman' !e 3ent and kissed her, and out of a mu$h purer lo.e than that whi$h 3egan to reannoun$e itself, at the passionate $onta$t of her lips, in his loins' &harles was like man" Gi$torian men' !e $ould not reall" 3elie.e that an" woman of refined sensi3ilities $ould enCo" 3eing a re$epta$le for male lust' !e had alread" a3used her lo.e for him intolera3l"+ it must not happen again' And the time8he $ould not sta" longerI !e sat up' 4*he person downstairs ' ' ' and m" man is waiting for me at m" hotel' I 3eg "ou to gi.e me a da" or two2s gra$e' I $annot think what to do now'5 !er e"es were $losed' 6he said, 4I am not worth" of "ou'5 !e stared at her a moment, then got off the 3ed and went into the other room' And thereI A thunder3olt stru$k him' In looking down as he dressed he per$ei.ed a red stain on the front tails of his shirt' 7or a moment he thought he must ha.e $ut himself+ 3ut he had felt no pain' !e furti.el" e)amined himself' *hen he gripped the top of the arm$hair, staring 3a$k at the 3edroom door8for he had suddenl" reali=ed what a more e)perien$ed, or less fe.erish, lo.er would ha.e suspe$ted mu$h sooner' !e had for$ed a .irgin' *here was a mo.ement in the room 3ehind him' !is head whirling, stunned, "et now in a desperate haste, he pulled on his $lothes' *here was the sound of water 3eing poured into a 3asin, a $hink of $hina as a soapdish
s$raped' 6he had not gi.en herself to Garguennes' 6he had lied' All her $ondu$t, all her moti.es in ("me Regis had 3een 3ased on a lie' ?ut for what purpose' :h"D :h"D :h"D ?la$kmailI *o put him totall" in her powerI And all those loathsome su$$u3i of the male mind, their fat fears of a great feminine $onspira$" to su$k the .irilit" from their .eins, to pre" upon their idealism, melt them into wa) and mold them to their e.il fan$ies ' ' ' these, and a surging 3a$k to $redi3ilit" of the hideous e.iden$e addu$ed in the (a Ron$iere appeal, filled &harles2s mind with an apo$al"pti$ horror' *he dis$reet sounds of washing $eased' *here were .arious small rustlings8he supposed she was getting into the 3ed' <ressed, he stood staring at the fire' 6he was mad, e.il, enla$ing him in the strangest of nets ''' 3ut why: *here was a sound' !e turned, his thoughts onl" too e.ident on his fa$e' 6he stood in the doorwa", now in her old indigo dress, her hair still loose, "et with something of that old defian$e he remem3ered for an instant that time he had first $ome upon her, when she had stood on the ledge o.er the sea and stared up at him' 6he must ha.e seen that he had dis$o.ered the truth+ and on$e more she forestalled, $astrated the a$$usation in his mind' 6he repeated her pre.ious words' 4I am not worth" of "ou'5 And now, he 3elie.ed her' !e whispered, 4GarguennesD5 4:hen I went to where I told in :e"mouth ''' I was still some wa" from the door ''' I saw him $ome out' :ith a woman' *he kind of woman one $annot mistake'5 6he a.oided his fier$e e"es' 4I drew into a doorwa"' :hen the" had gone, I walked awa"'5 4?ut wh" did "ou tell84 6he mo.ed a3ruptl" to the window+ and he was silen$ed' 6he had no limp' *here was no strained ankle' 6he glan$ed at his freshl" a$$using look, then turned her 3a$k' 41es' I ha.e de$ei.ed "ou' ?ut I shall not trou3le "ou again'5 4?ut what ha.e I''' wh" should "ou '''5 A swarm of m"steries' 6he fa$ed him' It had 3egun to rain hea.il" again' !er e"es were unflin$hing, her old defian$e returned+ and "et now it la" 3ehind something gentler, a reminder to him that he had Cust possessed her' *he old distan$e, 3ut a softer distan$e' 41ou ha.e gi.en me the $onsolation of 3elie.ing that in another world, another age, another life, I might ha.e 3een "our wife' 1ou ha.e gi.en me
the strength to go on li.ing ''' in the here and now'5 (ess than ten feet la" 3etween them+ and "et it seemed like ten miles' 4*here is one thing in whi$h I ha.e not de$ei.ed "ou' I lo.ed "ou ''' I think from the moment I saw "ou' In that, "ou were ne.er de$ei.ed' :hat duped "ou was m" loneliness' A resentment, an en.", I don2t know' I don2t know'5 6he turned again to the window and the rain' 4<o not ask me to e)plain what I ha.e done' I $annot e)plain it' It is not to 3e e)plained'5 &harles stared in the fraught silen$e at her 3a$k' As he had so shortl" 3efore felt swept towards her, now he felt swept awa"8and in 3oth $ases, she was to 3lame' 4I $annot a$$ept that' It must 3e e)plained'5 ?ut she shook her head' 4/lease go now' I pra" for "our happiness' I shall ne.er distur3 it again'5 !e did not mo.e' After a moment or two she looked round at him, and e.identl" read, as she had on$e 3efore, his se$ret thought' !er e)pression was $alm, almost fatalisti$' 4It is as I told "ou 3efore' I am far stronger than an" man ma" easil" imagine' M" life will end when nature ends it'5 !e 3ore the sight of her a few se$onds more, then turned towards his hat and sti$k' 4*his is m" reward' *o su$$or "ou' *o risk a great deal to ''' and now to know I was no more than the dupe of "our imaginings'5 4*oda" I ha.e thought of m" own happiness' If we were to meet again I $ould think onl" of "ours' *here $an 3e no happiness for "ou with me' 1ou $annot marr" me, Mr' 6mithson'5 *hat resumption of formalit" $ut deep' !e threw her a hurt look+ 3ut she had her 3a$k to him, as if in anti$ipation of it' !e took a step towards her' 4!ow $an "ou address me thusD5 6he said nothing' 4All I ask is to 3e allowed to understand84 4I 3esee$h "ou' (ea.eI5 6he had turned on him' *he" looked for a moment like two mad people' &harles seemed a3out to speak, to spring forward, to e)plode+ 3ut then without warning he spun on his heel and left the room'
48
It is immoral in a man to 3elie.e more than he $an spontaneousl" re$ei.e as 3eing $ongenial to his mental and moral nature' 8>#:MA>, Eighteen Propositions of 0i eralism (18L8) I hold it truth, with him who sings *o one $lear harp in di.ers tones, *hat men ma" rise on stepping;stones ,f their dead sel.es to higher things' 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)
!e put on his most formal self as he $ame down to the hall' Mrs' #ndi$ott stood at the door to her offi$e, her mouth alread" open to speak' ?ut &harles, with a 3riskl" polite 4I thank "ou, ma2m5 was past her and into the night 3efore she $ould $omplete her question+ or noti$e his fro$k $oat la$ked a 3utton' !e walked 3lindl" awa" through a new downpour of rain' !e noti$ed it no more than where he was going' !is greatest desire was darkness, in.isi3ilit", o3li.ion in whi$h to regain $alm' ?ut he plunged, without reali=ing it, into that morall" dark quarter of #)eter I des$ri3ed earlier' (ike most morall" dark pla$es it was full of light and life of shops and ta.erns, of people sheltering from the rain in doorwa"s' !e took an a3rupt downhill street towards the ri.er #)e' Rows of s$um3ered steps passed either side of a $hoked $entral gutter' ?ut it was quiet' At the 3ottom a small redstone $hur$h, 3uilt on the $orner, $ame into sight+ and &harles suddenl" felt the need for san$tuar"' !e pushed on a small door, so low that he had to stoop to enter' 6teps rose to the le.el of the $hur$h floor, whi$h was a3o.e the street entran$e' A "oung $urate stood at the top of these steps, turning down a last lamp and surprised at this late .isit' 4I was a3out to lo$k up, sir'5 4Ma" I ask to 3e allowed to pra" for a few minutesD5 *he $urate re.ersed the e)tinguishing pro$ess and s$rutini=ed the late $ustomer for a long moment' A gentleman' 4M" house is Cust a$ross the wa"' I am awaited' If "ou would 3e so kind as to lo$k up for me and 3ring me the ke"'5 &harles 3owed, and the $urate $ame down 3eside him' 4It is the 3ishop' In m" opinion the house of 0od should alwa"s 3e open' ?ut our plate is so .alua3le' 6u$h times we li.e in'5 *hus &harles found himself alone in the $hur$h' !e heard the $urate2s footsteps $ross the street+ and then he lo$ked the old door from the inside and mounted the steps to the $hur$h' It smelled of new paint' *he one gaslight diml" illumined fresh gilding+ 3ut massi.e 0othi$ ar$hes of a som;
3er red showed that the $hur$h was .er" old' &harles seated himself halfwa" down the main aisle and stared through the roods$reen at the $ru$ifi) o.er the altar' *hen he got to his knees and whispered the (ord2s /ra"er, his rigid hands $len$hed o.er the pra"er;ledge in front of him' *he dark silen$e and emptiness welled 3a$k on$e the ritual words were said' !e 3egan to $ompose a spe$ial pra"er for his $ir$umstan$es 47orgi.e me, , (ord, for m" selfishness' 7orgi.e me for 3reaking *h" laws' 7orgi.e me m" dishonor, forgi.e me m" un$hastit"' 7orgi.e me m" dissatisfa$tion with m"self, forgi.e me m" la$k of faith in *h" wisdom and $harit"' 7orgi.e and ad.ise me, , (ord in m" tra.ail '''5 3ut then, 3" means of one of those misera3le puns made 3" a distra$ted su3$ons$ious, 6arah2s fa$e rose 3efore him, tear;stained, agoni=ed, with all the features of a Mater <olorosa 3" 0runewald he had seen in &olmar, &o3len=, &ologne ''' he $ould not remem3er' 7or a few a3surd se$onds his mind ran after the forgotten town, it 3egan with a & ''' he got off his knees and sat 3a$k in his pew' !ow empt" the $hur$h was, how silent' !e stared at the $ru$ifi)+ 3ut instead of &hrist2s fa$e, he saw onl" 6arah2s' !e tried to re$ommen$e his pra"er' ?ut it was hopeless' !e knew it was not heard' !e 3egan a3ruptl" to $r"' In all 3ut a .er" few Gi$torian atheists (that militant elite led 3" ?radlaugh) and agnosti$s there was a profound sense of e)$lusion, of a gift withdrawn' Among friends of like persuasion the" might make fun of the follies of the &hur$h, of its se$tarian squa33les, its lu)urious 3ishops and intriguing $anons, its a3sentee re$torsM and underpaid $urates, its antiquated theolog" and all the rest+ 3ut &hrist remained, a terri3le anomal" in reason' !e $ould not 3e for them what he is to so man" of us toda", a $ompletel" se$ulari=ed figure, a man $alled 9esus of >a=areth with a 3rilliant gift for metaphor, for $reating a personal m"tholog", for a$ting on his 3eliefs' All the rest of the world 3elie.ed in his di.init"+ and thus his reproa$h $ame stronger to the un3elie.er' ?etween the $ruelties of our own age and our guilt we ha.e ere$ted a .ast edifi$e of go.ernment;administered welfare and aid+ $harit" is full" organi=ed' ?ut the Gi$torians li.ed mu$h $loser to that $ruelt"+ the intelligent and sensiti.e felt far more personall" responsi3le+ and it was thus all the harder, in hard times, to reCe$t the uni.ersal s"m3ol of $ompassion'
NM ?ut who $an 3lame them when their superiors set su$h an e)ampleD *he $urate referred a moment ago to 4the 3ishop58and this parti$ular 3ishop, the famous <r' /hillpotts of #)eter (then with all of <e.on and &ornwall under his $are), is a $ase in point' !e spent the last ten "ears of his life in 4a $omforta3le a$$ommodation5 at *orqua" and was said not to ha.e darkened his $athedral2s doors on$e during that final de$ade' !e was a super3 prin$e of the Angli$an &hur$h8e.er" in$h a pugna$ious rea$tionar"+ and did not die till two "ears after the "ear we are in'O
<eep in his heart &harles did not wish to 3e an agnosti$' ?e$ause he had ne.er needed faith, he had quite happil" learned to do without it+ and his reason, his knowledge of ("ell and <arwin, had told him he was right to do without its dogma' 1et here he was, not weeping for 6arah, 3ut for his own ina3ilit" to speak to 0od' !e knew, in that dark $hur$h, that the wires were down' >o $ommuni$ation was possi3le' *here was a loud $la$k in the silen$e' !e turned round, hastil" tou$hing his e"es with his slee.e' ?ut whoe.er had tried to enter apparentl" a$$epted that the $hur$h was now $losed+ it was as if a reCe$ted part of &harles himself had walked awa"' !e stood up and 3egan to pa$e up and down the aisle 3etween the pews, his hands 3ehind his 3a$k' :orn names and dates, last fossil remains of other li.es, stared illegi3l" at him from the gra.estones em3edded in the floor' /erhaps the pa$ing up and down those stones, the slight sense of 3lasphem" he had in doing it, perhaps his pre.ious moments of despair, 3ut something did finall" 3ring $alm and a kind of $larit" 3a$k to him' A dialogue 3egan to form, 3etween his 3etter and his worse self8or perhaps 3etween him and that spreadeagled figure in the shadows at the $hur$h2s end' :here shall I 3eginD ?egin with what "ou ha.e done, m" friend' And stop wishing "ou had not done it' I did not do it' I was led to do it' :hat led "ou to do itD I was de$ei.ed' :hat intent la" 3ehind the de$eptionD I do not know' ?ut "ou must Cudge' If she had trul" lo.ed me she $ould not ha.e let me go' If she had trul" lo.ed "ou, $ould she ha.e $ontinued to de$ei.eD 6he ga.e me no $hoi$e' 6he said herself that marriage 3etween us was impossi3le' :hat reason did she gi.eD ,ur differen$e in so$ial position' A no3le $ause' *hen #rnestina' I ha.e gi.en her m" solemn promise' It is alread" 3roken' I will mend it' :ith lo.eD ,r with guiltD It does not matter whi$h' A .ow is sa$red' If it does not matter whi$h, a .ow $annot 3e sa$red'
M" dut" is $lear' &harles, &harles, I ha.e read that thought in the $ruelest e"es' <ut" is 3ut a pot' It holds whate.er is put in it, from the greatest e.il to the greatest good' 6he wished me to go' I $ould see it in her e"es8a $ontempt' 6hall I tell "ou what &ontempt is doing at this momentD 6he is weeping her heart out' I $annot go 3a$k' <o "ou think water $an wash that 3lood from "our loinsD I $annot go 3a$k' <id "ou ha.e to meet her again in the -nder$liffD <id "ou ha.e to stop this night in #)eterD <id "ou ha.e to go to her roomD (et her hand rest on "oursD <id "ou8 I admit these thingsI I ha.e sinned' ?ut I was fallen into her snare' *hen wh" are "ou now free of herD *here was no answer from &harles' !e sat again in his pew' !e lo$ked his fingers with a white .iolen$e, as if he would 3reak his knu$kles, staring, staring into the darkness' ?ut the other .oi$e would not let him 3e' M" friend, perhaps there is one thing she lo.es more than "ou' And what "ou do not understand is that 3e$ause she trul" lo.es "ou she must gi.e "ou the thing she lo.es more' I will tell "ou wh" she weeps 3e$ause "ou la$k the $ourage to gi.e her 3a$k her gift' :hat right had she to set me on the ra$kD :hat right had "ou to 3e 3ornD *o 3reatheD *o 3e ri$hD I do 3ut render unto &aesar8 ,r unto Mr' 7reemanD *hat is a 3ase a$$usation' And unto meD Is this "our tri3uteD *hese nails "ou hammer through m" palmsD :ith the greatest respe$t8#rnestina also has palms' *hen let us take one and read it' I see no happiness' 6he knows she is not trul" lo.ed' 6he is de$ei.ed' >ot on$e, 3ut again and again, ea$h da" of marriage' &harles put his arms on the ledge in front of him and 3uried his head in them' !e felt $aught in a dilemma that was also a $urrent of inde$ision it was almost palpa3le, not passi.e 3ut a$ti.e, dri.ing him forwards into a future it, not he, would $hoose'
M" poor &harles, sear$h "our heart8"ou thought when "ou $ame to this $it", did "ou not, to pro.e to "ourself "ou were not "et in the prison of "our future' ?ut es$ape is not one a$t, m" friend' It is no more a$hie.ed 3" that than "ou $ould rea$h 9erusalem from here 3" one small step' #a$h da", &harles, ea$h hour, it has to 3e taken again' #a$h minute the nail waits to 3e hammered in' 1ou know "our $hoi$e' 1ou sta" in prison, what "our time $alls dut", honor, self;respe$t, and "ou are $omforta3l" safe' ,r "ou are free and $ru$ified' 1our onl" $ompanions the stones, the thorns, the turning 3a$ks+ the silen$e of $ities, and their hate' I am weak' ?ut ashamed of "our weakness' :hat good $ould m" strength 3ring to the worldD >o answer $ame' ?ut something made &harles rise from his pew and go to the roods$reen' !e looked through one of its wooden windows at the &ross a3o.e the altar+ and then, after a hesitation, stepped through the $entral door and past the $hoir stalls to the steps to the altar ta3le' *he light at the other end of the $hur$h penetrated 3ut fee3l" there' !e $ould 3arel" make out the features of the &hrist, "et a m"sterious empath" in.aded him' !e saw himself hanging there ' ' ' not, to 3e sure, with an" of the no3ilit" and uni.ersalit" of 9esus, 3ut $ru$ified' And "et not on the &ross8on something else' !e had thought sometimes of 6arah in a wa" that might suggest he saw himself $ru$ified on her; 3ut su$h 3lasphem", 3oth religious and real, was not in his mind' Rather she seemed there 3eside him, as it were awaiting the marriage ser.i$e+ "et with another end in .iew' 7or a moment he $ould not sei=e it8and then it $ame' *o un$ru$if"I In a sudden flash of illumination &harles saw the right purpose of &hristianit"+ it was not to $ele3rate this 3ar3arous image, not to maintain it on high 3e$ause there was a useful profit8the redemption of sins8to 3e deri.ed from so doing, 3ut to 3ring a3out a world in whi$h the hanging man $ould 3e des$ended, $ould 3e seen not with the ri$tus of agon" on his fa$e, 3ut the smiling pea$e of a .i$tor" 3rought a3out 3", and in, li.ing men and women' !e seemed as he stood there to see all his age, its tumultuous life, its iron $ertainties and rigid $on.entions, its repressed emotion and fa$etious humor, its $autious s$ien$e and in$autious religion, its $orrupt politi$s and
immuta3le $astes, as the great hidden enem" of all his deepest "earnings' *hat was what had de$ei.ed him+ and it was totall" without lo.e or freedom ' ' ' 3ut also without thought, without intention, without mali$e, 3e$ause the de$eption was in its .er" nature+ and it was not human, 3ut a ma$hine' *hat was the .i$ious $ir$le that haunted him+ that was the failure, the weakness, the $an$er, the .ital flaw that had 3rought him to what he was more an inde$ision than a realit", more a dream than a man, more a silen$e than a word, a 3one than an a$tion' And fossilsI !e had 3e$ome, while still ali.e, as if dead' It was like $oming to a 3ottomless 3rink' And something else a strange sense he had had, e.er sin$e entering that $hur$h8and not parti$ular to it, 3ut a presentiment he alwa"s had upon entering empt" $hur$hes8that he was not alone' A whole dense $ongregation of others stood 3ehind him' !e turned and looked 3a$k into the na.e' 6ilent, empt" pews' And &harles thought if the" were trul" dead, if there were no afterlife, what should I $are of their .iew of meD *he" would not know, the" $ould not Cudge' *hen he made the great leap They do not 5now- they cannot Audge. >ow what he was throwing off haunted, and profoundl" damaged, his age' It is stated .er" $learl" 3" *enn"son in the fiftieth poem of 1n 2emoriam. (isten <o we indeed desire the dead 6hould still 3e near us at our sideD Is there no 3aseness we would hideD >o inner .ileness that we dreadD 6hall he for whose applause I stro.e, I had su$h re.eren$e for his 3lame, 6ee with $lear e"e some hidden shame And I 3e lessen2d in his lo.eD I wrong the gra.e with fears untrue 6hall lo.e 3e 3lamed for want of faithD *here must 3e wisdom with great <eath+ *he dead shall look me thro2 and thro2' ?e near us when we $lim3 or fall 1e wat$h, like 0od, the rolling hours :ith larger other e"es than ours, *o make allowan$e for us all'
There must e wisdom with great $eath; the dead shall loo5 me thro. and thro.. &harles2s whole 3eing rose up against those two foul propositions+ against this ma$a3re desire to go 3a$kwards into the future, mesmeri=ed e"es on one2s dead fathers instead of on one2s un3orn sons' It was as if his pre.ious 3elief in the ghostl" presen$e of the past had $on; demned him, without his e.er reali=ing it, to a life in the gra.e' *hough this ma" seem like a leap into atheism, it was not so+ it did not diminish &hrist in &harles2s e"es' Rather it made !im $ome ali.e, it un$ru$ified !im, if not $ompletel", then at least partiall"' &harles walked slowl" 3a$k into the na.e, turning his 3a$k on the indifferent wooden $ar.ing' ?ut not on 9esus' !e 3egan again to pa$e up and down, his e"es on the pa.ing stones' :hat he saw now was like a glimpse of another world a new realit", a new $ausalit", a new $reation' A $as$ade of $on$rete .isions8 if "ou like, another $hapter from his h"potheti$al auto3iograph"8poured through his mind' At a similar high;fl"ing moment "ou ma" re$all that Mrs' /oultene" had des$ended, in three ti$ks of her mar3le and ormolu drawing; room $lo$k, from eternal sal.ation to (ad" &otton' And I would 3e hiding the truth if I did not re.eal that at this moment &harles thought of his un$le' #e would not 3lame on 6ir Ro3ert a 3roken marriage and an allian$e unworth" of the famil"+ 3ut his un$le would 3lame himself' Another s$ene leaped un3idden into his mind (ad" ?ella fa$ed with 6arah' Mira$ulous to relate, he saw who would $ome out with more dignit"+ for #rnestina would fight with (ad" ?ella2s weapons, and 6arah ''' those e"es8 how the" would swallow snu3s and insultsI &omprehend them in silen$eI Make them dwindle into mere spe$ks of smut in an a=ure sk"I And dressing 6arahI *aking her to /aris, to 7loren$e, to RomeI *his is $learl" not the moment to 3ring in a $omparison with 6t' /aul on the road to <amas$us' ?ut &harles was stopped8alas, with his 3a$k to the altar on$e more8and there was a kind of radian$e in his fa$e' It ma" simpl" ha.e 3een that from the gaslight 3" the steps+ he has not translated the no3ler 3ut a3stra$t reasons that had $oursed through his mind .er" attra$ti.el"' ?ut I hope "ou will 3elie.e that 6arah on his arm in the -ffi=i did stand, howe.er 3anall", for the pure essen$e of $ruel 3ut ne$essar" (if we are to sur.i.e8 and "es, still toda") freedom' !e turned then and went 3a$k to his pew+ and did something .er" irrational, sin$e he knelt and pra"ed, though .er" 3riefl"' *hen he went down the aisle, pulled down the wire till the gaslight was a pale will;o2;the; wisp, and left the $hur$h'
49
I keep 3ut a man and a maid, e.er read" to slander and steal ' ' ' 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)
&harles found the $urate2s house and rang the 3ell' A maid answered, 3ut the 3ewhiskered "oung man himself ho.ered in the hallwa" 3ehind her' *he maid retreated, as her master $ame forward to take the hea." old ke"' 4*hank "ou, sir' I $ele3rate !ol" &ommunion at eight e.er" morning' 1ou sta" long in #)eterD5 4Alas, no' I am simpl" en passage.( 4I had hoped to see "ou again' I $an 3e of no further assistan$eD5 And he gestured, the poor "oung shrimp, towards a door 3ehind whi$h no dou3t la" his stud"' &harles had alread" noted a $ertain ostentation a3out the $hur$h furnishings+ and he knew he was 3eing in.ited to &onfession' It did not need magi$al powers to see through the wall and dis$ern a priedieu and a dis$reet statue of the Girgin+ for this was one of the "oung men 3orn too late for the *ra$tarian s$hism and who now dallied naughtil" 3ut safel" 8sin$e <r' /hillpotts was !igh &hur$h8with rituals and .estments, a .er" pre.alent form of e$$lesiasti$al dand"ism' &harles measured him a moment and took heart in his own new .ision it $ould not 3e more foolish than this' 6o he 3owed and refused, and went on his wa"' !e was shri.en of esta3lished religion for the rest of his life' !is wa" ''' "ou think, perhaps, that that must lead straight 3a$k to #ndi$ott2s 7amil" !otel' A modern man would no dou3t ha.e gone straight 3a$k there' ?ut &harles2s a$$ursed sense of <ut" and /ropriet" stood like $astle walls against that' !is first task was to $leanse himself of past o3ligations+ onl" then $ould he present himself to offer his hand' !e 3egan to understand 6arah2s de$eit' 6he knew he lo.ed her+ and she knew he had 3een 3lind to the true depth of that lo.e' *he false .ersion of her 3etra"al 3" Garguennes, her other de.i$es, were 3ut stratagems to un3lind him+ all she had said after she had 3rought him to the reali=ation was 3ut a test of his new .ision' !e had failed misera3l"+ and she had then used
the same stratagems as a proof of her worthless;ness' ,ut of what no3ilit" must su$h self;sa$rifi$e springI If he had 3ut sprung forward and taken her into his arms again, told her she was his, ungainsa"a3l"I And if onl"8he might ha.e added, 3ut didn2t8there were not that fatal di$hotom" (perhaps the most dreadful result of their mania for $ategori=ation) in the Gi$torians, whi$h led them to see the 4soul5 as more real than the 3od", far more real, their onl" real self+ indeed hardl" $onne$ted with the 3od" at all, 3ut floating high o.er the 3east+ and "et, 3" some ine)pli$a3le flaw in the nature of things, relu$tantl" dragged along in the wake of the 3east2s mo.ements, like a white $apti.e 3alloon 3ehind a disgra$eful and diso3edient $hild' *his8the fa$t that e.er" Gi$torian had two minds8is the one pie$e of equipment we must alwa"s take with us on our tra.els 3a$k to the nineteenth $entur"' It is a s$hi=ophrenia seen at its $learest, its most notorious, in the poets I ha.e quoted from so often8in *enn"son, &lough, Arnold, !ard"+ 3ut s$ar$el" less $learl" in the e)traordinar" politi$al .eerings from Right to (eft and 3a$k again of men like the "ounger Mill and 0ladstone+ in the u3iquitous neuroses and ps"$hosomati$ illnesses of intelle$tuals otherwise as different as &harles Hingsle" and <arwin+ in the e)e$ration at first poured on the /re;Raphaelites, who tried8or seemed to 3e tr"ing8to 3e one; minded a3out 3oth art and life+ in the endless tug;of;war 3etween (i3ert" and Restraint, #)$ess and Moderation, /ropriet" and &on.i$tion, 3etween the prin$ipled man2s $r" for -ni.ersal #du$ation and his terror of -ni.ersal 6uffrage+ transparent also in the mania for editing and re.ising, so that if we want to know the real Mill or the real !ard" we $an learn far more from the deletions and alterations of their auto3iographies than from the pu3lished .ersions ' ' ' more from $orresponden$e that somehow es$aped 3urning, from pri.ate diaries, from the pett" detritus of the $on$ealment operation' >e.er was the re$ord so $ompletel" $onfused, ne.er a pu3li$ fa$ade so su$$essfull" passed off as the truth on a gulli3le posterit"+ and this, I think, makes the 3est guide3ook to the age .er" possi3l" $r. Je5yll and 2r. #yde. ?ehind its latterda" 0othi$k lies a .er" profound and epo$h;re.ealing truth' #.er" Gi$torian had two minds+ and &harles had at least that' Alread", as he walked up 7ore 6treet towards the 6hip, he was rehearsing the words his white 3alloon would utter when the wi$ked $hild saw 6arah again+ the passionate "et honora3le arguments that would redu$e her to a tearful gratitude and the $onfession that she $ould not li.e without him' !e saw it all, so .i.idl" I feel tempted to set it down' ?ut here is realit", in the form of 6am, standing at the doors of the an$ient inn' 4*he ser.i$e was hagreea3le, Mr' &harlesD5
4I ''' I lost m" wa", 6am' And I2.e got damna3l" wet'5 :hi$h was not at all the adCe$ti.e to appl" to 6am2s e"es' 47ill a tu3 for me, there2s a good fellow' I2ll sup in m" rooms'5 41es, Mr' &harles'5 6ome fifteen minutes later "ou might ha.e seen &harles stark naked and engaged in an una$$ustomed o$$upation that of laundering' !e had his 3loodstained garments pressed against the side of the .ast hip 3ath that had 3een filled for him and was assiduousl" ru33ing them with a pie$e of soap' !e felt foolish, and did not make a .er" good Co3 of it' :hen 6am $ame, some time later, with the supper tra", the garments la" as if thrown negligentl" half in and half out of the 3ath' 6am $olle$ted them up without remark+ and for on$e &harles was grateful for his notorious $arelessness in su$h matters' !a.ing eaten his supper, he opened his writing $ase' M" dearest, ,ne half of me is ine)pressi3l" glad to address "ou thus, while the other wonders how he $an so speak of a 3eing he "et 3ut s$ar$el" understands' 6omething in "ou I would fain sa" I know profoundl" and something else I am as ignorant of as when I first saw "ou' I sa" this not to e)$use, 3ut to e)plain m" 3eha.ior this e.ening' I $annot e)$use it+ "et I must 3elie.e that there was one wa" in whi$h it ma" 3e termed fortunate, sin$e it prompted a sear$hing of m" $ons$ien$e that was long o.erdue' I shall not go into all the $ir$umstan$e' ?ut I am resol.ed, m" sweet and m"sterious 6arah, that what now 3inds us shall 3ind us fore.ermore' I am 3ut too well aware that I ha.e no right to see "ou again, let alone to ask to know "ou full", in m" present situation' M" first ne$essit" is therefore to terminate m" engagement' A premonition that it was foll" to enter into that arrangement has long 3een with me83efore e.er "ou $ame into m" life' I implore "ou, therefore, not to feel guilt in that respe$t' :hat is to 3lame is a 3lindness in m"self as to m" own real nature' !ad I 3een ten "ears "ounger, had I not seen so mu$h in m" age and m" so$iet" with whi$h I am not in s"mpath", I ha.e no dou3t I $ould ha.e 3een happ" with Miss 7reeman' M" mistake was to forget that I am thirt";two, not twent";two' I therefore go earl" tomorrow on the most painful Courne" to ("me' 1ou will appre$iate that to $on$lude its purpose is the pre; dominant thought in m" mind at this moment' ?ut m" dut" in that respe$t done, m" thoughts shall 3e onl" of "ou8na", of our future'
:hat strange fate 3rought me to "ou I do not know, 3ut, 0od willing, nothing shall take "ou from me unless it 3e "ourself that wishes it so' (et me sa" no more now, m" sweet enigma, than that "ou will ha.e to pro.ide far stronger proofs and arguments than "ou ha.e hitherto addu$ed' I $annot 3elie.e "ou will attempt to do so' 1our heart knows I am "ours and that I would $all "ou mine' >eed I assure "ou, m" dearest 6arah, that m" intentions are hen$eforth of the most honora3leD *here are a thousand things I wish to ask "ou, a thousand attentions to pa" "ou, a thousand pleasures to gi.e "ou' ?ut alwa"s with e.er" regard to whate.er propriet" "our deli$a$" insists on' I am he who will know no pea$e, no happiness until he holds "ou in his arms again' &'6' /'6' ,n re;reading what I ha.e written I per$ei.e a formalit" m" heart does not intend' 7orgi.e it' 1ou are 3oth so $lose and "et a stranger8 I know not how to phrase what I reall" feel' 1our fondest &' *his ana3ati$ epistle was not arri.ed at until after se.eral drafts' It had 3" then grown late, and &harles $hanged his mind a3out its immediate dispat$h' 6he, 3" now, would ha.e wept herself to sleep+ he would let her suffer one more 3la$k night+ 3ut she should wake to Co"' !e re;read the letter se.eral times+ it had a little aftermath of the tone he had used, onl" a da" or two 3efore, in letters from (ondon to #rnestina+ 3ut those letters had 3een agon" to write, mere $on$essions to $on.ention, whi$h is wh" he had added that posts$ript' !e still felt, as he had told 6arah, a stranger to himself+ 3ut now it was with a kind of awed pleasure that he stared at his fa$e in the mirror' !e felt a great $ourage in himself, 3oth present and future8and a uniqueness, a ha.ing done something unparalleled' And he had his wish he was off on a Courne" again, a Courne" made dou3l" deli$ious 3" its promised $ompanion' !e tried to imagine unknown 6arahs8 a 6arah laughing, 6arah singing, 6arah dan$ing' *he" were hard to imagine, and "et not impossi3le ''' he remem3ered that smile when the" had 3een so nearl" dis$o.ered 3" 6am and Mar"' It had 3een a $lair.o"ant smile, a seeing into the future' And that time he had raised her from her knees8 with what infinite and long pleasure he would now do that in their life togetherI If these were the thorns and the stones that threatened a3out him, he $ould 3ear them' !e did think a moment of one small thorn 6am' ?ut 6am
was like all ser.ants, dismissa3le' And summona3le' 6ummoned he was, at a surprisingl" earl" hour that ne)t morning' !e found &harles in his dressing gown, with a sealed letter and pa$ket in his hands' 46am, I wish "ou to take these to the address on the en.elope' 1ou will wait ten minutes to see if there is an answer' If there is none8I e)pe$t none, 3ut wait Cust in $ase8if there is none, "ou are to $ome straight 3a$k here' And hire a fast $arriage' :e go to ("me'5 !e added, 4?ut no 3aggage' :e return here tonight'5 4*onight, Mr' &harlesI ?ut I thought we was84 4>e.er mind what "ou thought' 9ust do as I sa"'5 6am put on his footman fa$e, and withdrew' As he went slowl" downstairs it 3e$ame $lear to him that his position was intolera3le' !ow $ould he fight a 3attle without informationD :ith so man" $onfli$ting rumors as to the disposition of the enem" for$esD !e stared at the en.elope in his hand' Its destination was flagrant 2iss =oodruff- at Endicott.s @amily #otel. And onl" one da" in ("meD :ith portmanteau) to wait hereI !e turned the small pa$ket o.er, pressed the en.elope' It seemed fat, three pages at least' !e glan$ed round surreptitousl", then e)amined the seal' 6am $ursed the man who in.ented wa)' And now he stands again 3efore &harles, who has dressed' 4:ellD5 4>o answer, Mr' &harles'5 &harles $ould not quite $ontrol his fa$e' !e turned awa"' 4And the $arriageD5 4Read" and waitin2, sir'5 4Ger" well' I shall 3e down shortl"'5 6am withdrew' *he door had no sooner $losed when &harles raised his hands to his head, then threw them apart, as if to an audien$e, an a$tor a$$epting applause, a smile of gratitude on his lips' 7or he had, upon his ninet";ninth re;reading of his letter that pre.ious night, added a se$ond posts$ript' It $on$erned that 3roo$h we ha.e alread" seen in #rnestina2s hands' &harles 3egged 6arah to a$$ept it+ and 3" wa" of a sign, to allow that her a$$eptan$e of it meant that she a$$epted his apologies for his $ondu$t' *his se$ond posts$ript had ended 4*he 3earer will wait till "ou ha.e read this' If he should 3ring the $ontents of the pa$ket 3a$k ''' 3ut I know "ou $annot 3e so $ruel'5 1et the poor man had 3een in agon" during 6am2s a3sen$e'
And here 6am is again, .olu3l" talking in a low .oi$e, with frequent agoni=ed looks' *he s$ene is in the shadow of a lila$ 3ush, whi$h grows outside the kit$hen door in Aunt *ranter2s garden and pro.ides a kind of s$reen from the garden proper' *he afternoon sun slants through the 3ran$hes and first white 3uds' *he listener is Mar", with her $heeks flushed and her hand almost $onstantl" $o.ering her mouth' 42*isn2t possi3le, Ktisn2t possi3le'5 4It2s Kis un$le' It2s turned Kis 4ead'5 4?ut "oung mistress8oh, what2ll Ker do now, 6amD5 And 3oth their e"es tra.eled up with dread, as if the" thought to hear a s$ream or see a falling 3od", to the windows through the 3ran$hes a3o.e' 4And 3us, Mar"' :hat2ll us doD5 4,h 6am8Ktisn2t fair '''5 4I lo.e "er, Mar"'5 4,h 6am '''5 42*weren2t Cust 3ein2 wi$ked' I2d as soon die as lose "er now'5 4,h what2ll us doD5 4<on2t $r", m" darling, don2t $r"' I2.e Kad enough of hupstairs' *he"2re no 3etter2n us,5 !e gripped her 3" the arms' 4If Kis lordship thinks like master, like ser.ant, Ke2s mistook, Mar"' If it2s "ou or Kim, it2s "ou'5 !e stiffened, like a soldier a3out to $harge' 4I2ll lea.e Kis hemplo"'5 46amI5 4I will' I2ll Kaul $oals' !an"thingI5 4?ut "our mone"8Ke woan2 gi.e2ee that no more nowI5 42# ain2t got it to gi.e'5 !is 3itterness looked at her disma"' ?ut then he smiled and rea$hed out his hands' 4?ut shall I tell "er someone who KasD If "ou and me pla" our $ards rightD5
50
I think it ine.ita3l" follows, that as new spe$ies in the $ourse of time are formed through natural sele$tion, others will 3e$ome rarer and rarer, and finall" e)tin$t' *he forms whi$h stand in $losest $ompetition with those
undergoing modifi$ation and impro.ement will naturall" suffer most' 8<AR:I>, The )rigin of *pecies (18EJ)
*he" had arri.ed in ("me Cust 3efore two' 7or a few minutes &harles took possession of the room he had reser.ed' Again he pa$ed up and down, 3ut now in a ner.ous agon", steeling himself for the inter.iew ahead' *he e)istentialist terror in.aded him again+ perhaps he had known it would and so 3urned his 3oats 3" sending that letter to 6arah' !e rehearsed again the thousand phrases he had in.ented on the Courne" from #)eter+ 3ut the" fled through his mind like ,$to3er lea.es' !e took a deep 3reath, then his hat, and went out' Mar", with a 3road grin as soon as she saw him, opened the door' !e pra$ti$ed his gra.it" on her' 40ood afternoon' Is Miss #rnestina at homeD5 ?ut 3efore she $ould answer #rnestina herself appeared at the end of the hall' 6he had a little smile' 4>o' M" duenna is out to lun$h' ?ut "ou ma" $ome in'5 6he disappeared 3a$k into the sitting room' &harles ga.e his hat to Mar", set his lapels, wished he were dead, then went down the hall and into his ordeal' #rnestina, in sunlight, 3" a window o.erlooking the garden, turned gail"' 4I re$ei.ed a letter from /apa this ''' &harlesI &harlesD Is something wrongD5 And she $ame towards him' !e $ould not look at her, 3ut stared at the $arpet' 6he stopped' !er frightened and his gra.e, em3arrassed e"es met' 4&harlesD5 4I 3eg "ou to sit down'5 4?ut what has happenedD5 4*hat is ''' wh" I ha.e $ome'5 4?ut wh" do "ou look at me like thatD5 4?e$ause I do not know how to 3egin to sa" what I must'5 6till looking at him, she felt 3ehind her and sat on a $hair 3" the window' 6till he was silent' 6he tou$hed a letter on the ta3le 3eside her' 4/apa '''5 3ut his qui$k look made her gi.e up her senten$e' 4!e was kindness itself ' ' ' 3ut I did not tell him the truth'5 4*he truth8what truthD5 4*hat I ha.e, after man" hours of the deepest, the most painful $onsideration, $ome to the $on$lusion that I am not worth" of "ou'5 !er fa$e went white' !e thought for a moment she would faint and
stepped forward to $at$h her, 3ut she slowl" rea$hed a hand to her left arm, as if to feel she was awake' 4&harles ''' "ou are Coking'5 4*o m" eternal shame ''' I am not Coking'5 41ou are not worthy of meD5 4*otall" unworth"'5 4And "ou ''' oh, 3ut this is some nightmare'5 6he looked up at him with in$redulous e"es, then smiled timidl"' 41ou forget "our telegram' 1ou are Coking'5 4!ow little "ou know me if "ou think I $ould e.er Coke on su$h a matter'5 4?ut''' 3ut''' "our telegramI5 4:as sent 3efore m" de$ision'5 ,nl" then, as he lowered his e"es, did she 3egin to a$$ept the truth' !e had alread" foreseen that it must 3e the $ru$ial moment' If she fainted, 3e$ame h"steri$al ''' he did not know+ 3ut he a3horred pain and it would not 3e too late to re$ant, to tell all, to throw himself on her mer$"' ?ut though #rnestina2s e"es $losed a long moment, and a kind of shi.er seemed to pass through her, she did not faint' 6he was her father2s daughter+ she ma" ha.e wished she might faint+ 3ut su$h a gross 3etra"al of ''' 4*hen kindl" e)plain what "ou mean'5 A momentar" relief $ame to him' 6he was hurt, 3ut not mortall"' 4*hat I $annot do in one senten$e'5 6he stared with a kind of 3itter primness at her hands' 4*hen use se.eral' I shall not interrupt'5 4I ha.e alwa"s had, and I $ontinue to ha.e, the greatest respe$t and affe$tion for "ou' I ha.e ne.er dou3ted for a moment that "ou would make an admira3le wife to an" man fortunate enough to gain "our lo.e' ?ut I ha.e also alwa"s 3een shamefull" aware that a part of m" regard for "ou was igno3le' I refer to the fortune that "ou 3ring8and the fa$t that "ou are an onl" $hild' <eep in m"self, #rnestina, I ha.e alwa"s felt that m" life has 3een without purpose, without a$hie.ement' >o, pra" hear me out' :hen I reali=ed last winter that an offer of marriage might 3e fa.ora3l" entertained 3" "ou, I was tempted 3" 6atan' I saw an opportunit", 3" a 3rilliant marriage, to reesta3lish m" faith in m"self' I 3eg "ou not to think that I pro$eeded onl" 3" a $old;3looded $al$ulation' I liked "ou .er" mu$h' I sin$erel" 3elie.ed that that liking would grow into lo.e'5 6lowl" her head had risen' 6he stared at him, 3ut seemed hardl" to see him' 4I $annot 3elie.e it is "ou I hear speaking' It is some impostor, some
$ruel, some heartless ' ''5 4I know this must $ome as a most grie.ous sho$k'5 46ho$kI5 !er e)pression was outraged' 4:hen "ou $an stand so $old and $olle$ted8and tell me "ou ha.e ne.er lo.ed meI5 6he had raised her .oi$e and he went to one of the windows that was opened and $losed it' 6tanding $loser to her 3owed head, he spoke as gentl" as he $ould without losing his distan$e' 4I am not seeking for e)$uses' I am seeking simpl" to e)plain that m" $rime was not a $al$ulated one' If it were, how $ould I do what I am doing nowD M" one desire is to make "ou understand that I am not a de$ei.er of an"one 3ut m"self' &all me what else "ou will8weak, selfish ' '' what "ou will83ut not $allous'5 6he drew in a little shudder" 3reath' 4And what 3rought a3out this great dis$o.er"D5 4M" reali=ation, whose heinousness I $annot shirk, that I was disappointed when "our father did not end our engagement for me'5 6he ga.e him a terri3le look' 4I am tr"ing to 3e honest' !e was not onl" most generous in the matter of m" $hanged $ir$umstan$es' !e proposed that I should one da" 3e$ome his partner in 3usiness'5 !er fa$e flashed up again' 4I knew it, I knew it' It is 3e$ause "ou are marr"ing into trade' Am I not rightD5 !e turned to the window' 4I had full" a$$epted that' In an" $ase8to feel ashamed of "our father would 3e the grossest sno33er"'5 46a"ing things doesn2t make one an" the less guilt" of them'5 4If "ou think I .iewed his new proposal with horror, "ou are quite right' ?ut the horror was at m" own ineligi3ilit" for what was intended8$ertainl" not at the proposal itself' >ow please let me finish m" ''' e)planation'5 4It is making m" heart 3reak'5 !e turned awa" to the window' 4(et us tr" to $ling to that respe$t we ha.e alwa"s had for one another' 1ou must not think I ha.e $onsidered onl" m"self in all this' :hat haunts me is the inCusti$e I should 3e doing "ou8and to "our father83" marr"ing "ou without that lo.e "ou deser.e' If "ou and I were different people8 3ut we are not, we know 3" a look, a word, whether our lo.e is returned84 6he hissed' 4:e thought we knew'5 4M" dear #rnestina, it is like faith in &hristianit"' ,ne $an pretend to ha.e it' ?ut the pretense will finall" out' I am $on.in$ed, if "ou sear$h "our heart, that faint dou3ts must ha.e alread" $rossed it' >o dou3t "ou stifled them, "ou said, he is84 6he $o.ered her ears, then slowl" drew her fingers down o.er her fa$e'
*here was a silen$e' *hen she said, 4Ma" I speak nowD5 4,f $ourse'5 4I know to "ou I ha.e ne.er 3een an"thing more than a prett" little ''' arti$le of drawing;room furniture' I know I am inno$ent' I know I am spoiled' I know I am not unusual' I am not a !elen of *ro" or a &leopatra' I know I sa" things that sometimes grate on "our ears, I 3ore "ou a3out domesti$ arrangements, I hurt "ou when I make fun of "our fossils' /erhaps I am Cust a $hild' ?ut under "our lo.e and prote$tion ''' and "our edu$ation ''' I 3elie.ed I should 3e$ome 3etter' I should learn to please "ou, I should learn to make "ou lo.e me for what I had 3e$ome' 1ou ma" not know it, "ou $annot know it, 3ut that is wh" I was first attra$ted to "ou' 1ou do know that I had 3een ' ' ' dangled 3efore a hundred other men' *he" were not all fortune hunters and nonentities' I did not $hoose "ou 3e$ause I was so inno$ent I $ould not make $omparisons' ?ut 3e$ause "ou seemed more generous, wiser, more e)perien$ed' I remem3er8I will fet$h down m" diar" if "ou do not 3elie.e me8that I wrote, soon after we 3e$ame engaged, that "ou ha.e little faith in "ourself' I ha.e felt that' 1ou 3elie.e "ourself a failure, "ou think "ourself despised, I know not what ''' 3ut that is what I wished to make m" real 3ridal present to "ou' 7aith in "ourself'5 *here was a long silen$e' 6he sta"ed with lowered head' !e spoke in a low .oi$e' 41ou remind me of how mu$h I lose' Alas, I know m"self too well' ,ne $an2t resurre$t what was ne.er there'5 4And that is all what I sa" means to "ouD5 4It means a great, a .er" great deal to me'5 !e was silent, though she plainl" e)pe$ted him to sa" more' !e had not e)pe$ted this $ontainment' !e was tou$hed, and ashamed, 3" what she had said+ and that he $ould not show either sentiment was what made him silent' !er .oi$e was .er" soft and downward' 4In .iew of what I ha.e said $an "ou not at least '''5 3ut she $ould not find the words' 4Re$onsider m" de$isionD5 6he must ha.e heard something in his tone that he had not meant to 3e there, for she suddenl" looked at him with a passionate appeal' !er e"es were wet with suppressed tears, her small fa$e white and pitifull" struggling to keep some sem3lan$e of $alm' !e felt it like a knife how deepl" he had wounded' 4&harles, I 3eg "ou, I 3eg "ou to wait a little' It is true, I am ignorant, I do not know what "ou want of me ''' if "ou would tell me where I ha.e failed ''' how "ou would wish me to 3e ''' I will do an"thing, an"thing, 3e$ause I would a3andon an"thing to make "ou happ"'5
41ou must not speak like that'5 4I must8I $an2t help it8onl" "esterda" that telegram, I wept, I ha.e kissed it a hundred times, "ou must not think that 3e$ause I tease I do not ha.e deeper feelings' I would ' ' '5 3ut her .oi$e trailed awa", as an a$rid intuition 3urst upon her' 6he threw him a fier$e little look' 41ou are l"ing' 6omething has happened sin$e "ou sent it'5 !e mo.ed to the firepla$e, and stood with his 3a$k to her' 6he 3egan to so3' And that he found unendura3le' !e at last looked round at her, e)pe$ting to see her with her head 3owed+ 3ut she was weeping openl", with her e"es on him+ and as she saw him look, she made a motion, like some terrified, lost $hild, with her hands towards him, half rose, took a single step, and then fell to her knees' *here $ame to &harles then a sharp re.ulsion8not against her, 3ut against the situation his half;truths, his hiding of the essential' /erhaps the $losest analog" is to what a surgeon sometimes feels 3efore a parti$ularl" terri3le 3attle or a$$ident $asualt"+ a sa.age determination8for what else $an 3e doneD8to get on with the operation' *o tell the truth' !e waited until a moment $ame without so3s' 4I wished to spare "ou' ?ut "es8something has happened'5 Ger" slowl" she got to her feet and raised her hands to her $heeks, ne.er for a moment quitting him with her e"es' 4:hoD5 41ou do not know her' !er name is unimportant'5 4And she ''' "ou '''5 !e looked awa"' 4I ha.e known her man" "ears' I thought the atta$hment was 3roken' I dis$o.ered in (ondon ''' that it is not'5 41ou lo.e herD5 4(o.eD I don2t know ' ' ' whate.er it is that makes it impossi3le to offer one2s heart freel" to another'5 4:h" did "ou not tell me this at the 3eginningD5 *here was a long pause' !e $ould not 3ear her e"es, whi$h seemed to penetrate e.er" lie he told' !e muttered, 4I hoped to spare "ou the pain of it'5 4,r "ourself the shame of itD 1ou ' ' ' "ou are a monsterI5 6he fell 3a$k into her $hair, staring at him with dilated e"es' *hen she flung her fa$e into her hands' !e let her weep, and stared fier$el" at a $hina sheep on the mantelpie$e+ and ne.er till the da" he died saw a $hina sheep again without a hot flush of self;disgust' :hen at last she spoke, it was with su$h for$e that he flin$hed'
4If I do not kill m"self, shame willI5 4I am not worth a moment2s regret' 1ou will meet other men ''' not 3roken 3" life' !onora3le men, who will '''5 he halted, then 3urst out, 4?" all "ou hold sa$red, promise ne.er to sa" that againI5 6he stared fier$el" at him' 4<id "ou think I should pardon "ouD5 !e mutel" shook his head' 4M" parents, m" friends8 what am I to tell themD *hat Mr' &harles 6mithson has de$ided after all that his mistress is more important than his honor, his promise, his '''5 *here was the sound of torn paper' :ithout looking round he knew that she had .ented her anger on her father2s letter' 4I 3elie.ed her gone fore.er from m" life' #)traordinar" $ir$umstan$es '''5 A silen$e as if she $onsidered whether she $ould throw .itriol at him' !er .oi$e was suddenl" $old and .enomous' 41ou ha.e 3roken "our promise' *here is a remed" for mem3ers of m" se)'5 41ou ha.e e.er" right to 3ring su$h an a$tion' I $ould onl" plead guilt"'5 4*he world shall know "ou for what "ou are' *hat is all I $are a3out'5 4*he world will know, whate.er happens'5 *he enormit" of what he had done flooded 3a$k through her' 6he kept shaking her head' !e went and took a $hair and sat fa$ing her, too far to tou$h, 3ut $lose enough to appeal to her 3etter self' 4&an "ou suppose for one serious moment that I am unpunishedD *hat this has not 3een the most terri3le de$ision of m" lifeD *his hour the most dreadedD *he one I shall remem3er with the deepest remorse till the da" I dieD I ma" 3e8.er" well, I am a de$ei.er' ?ut "ou know I am not heartless' I should not 3e here now if I were' I should ha.e written a letter, fled a3road 84 4I wish "ou had'5 !e ga.e the $rown of her head a long look, then stood' !e $aught sight of himself in a mirror+ and the man in the mirror, &harles in another world, seemed the true self' *he one in the room was what she said, an impostor+ had alwa"s 3een, in his relations with #rnestina, an impostor, an o3ser.ed other' !e went at last into one of his prepared spee$hes' 4I $annot e)pe$t "ou to feel an"thing 3ut anger and resentment' All I ask is that when these ' ' ' natural feelings ha.e diminished "ou will re$all that no $ondemnation of m" $ondu$t $an approa$h the se.erit" of m" own ''' and that m" one e)$use is m" in$apa$it" longer to de$ei.e a person whom I ha.e learned to respe$t and admire'5 It sounded false+ it was false+ and &harles was un$omforta3l" aware of
her unpent $ontempt for him' 4I am tr"ing to pi$ture her. I suppose she is titled8has pretensions to 3irth' ,h ''' if I had onl" listened to m" poor, dear fatherI5 4:hat does that meanD5 4!e knows the no3ilit"' !e has a phrase for them87ine manners and unpaid 3ills'5 4I am not a mem3er of the no3ilit"'5 41ou are like "our un$le' 1ou 3eha.e as if "our rank e)$uses "ou all $on$ern with what we ordinar" $reatures of the world 3elie.e in' And so does she' :hat woman $ould 3e so .ile as to make a man 3reak his .owsD I $an guess'5 6he spat the guess out' 46he is married'5 4I will not dis$uss this'5 4:here is she nowD In (ondonD5 !e stared at #rnestine a moment, then turned on his heel and walked towards the door' 6he stood' 4M" father will drag "our name, 3oth "our names, through the mire' 1ou will 3e spurned and detested 3" all who know "ou' 1ou will 3e hounded out of #ngland, "ou will 3e84 !e had halted at the door' >ow he opened it' And that8 or the impossi3ilit" of thinking of a suffi$ient infam" for him8made her stop' !er fa$e was working, as if she wanted to sa" so mu$h more, 3ut $ould not' 6he swa"ed+ and then some $ontradi$tor" self in her said his name+ as if it had 3een a nightmare, and now she wished to 3e told she was waking from it' !e did not mo.e' 6he faltered and then a3ruptl" slumped to the floor 3" her $hair' !is first instin$ti.e mo.e was to go to her' ?ut something in the wa" she had fallen, the rather too $areful wa" her knees had $rumpled and her 3od" slipped sidewa"s onto the $arpet, stopped him' !e stared a moment down at that $ollapsed figure, and re$ogni=ed the $atatonia of $on.ention' !e said, 4I shall write at on$e to "our father'5 6he made no sign, 3ut la" with her e"es $losed, her hand patheti$all" e)tended on the $arpet' !e strode to the 3ellrope 3eside the mantelpie$e and pulled it sharpl", then strode 3a$k to the open door' As soon as he heard Mar"2s footsteps, he left the room' *he maid $ame running up the stairs from the kit$hen' &harles indi$ated the sitting room' 46he has had a sho$k' 1ou must on no a$$ount lea.e her' I go to fet$h <o$tor 0rogan'5 Mar" herself looked for a moment as if she might faint' 6he put her hand on the 3anister rail and stared at &harles with stri$ken e"es' 41ou understand' ,n no a$$ount lea.e her'5 6he nodded and 3o33ed, 3ut did not mo.e' 46he has merel" fainted' (oosen her dress'5
:ith one more terrified look at him, the maid went into the room' &harles waited a few se$onds more' !e heard a faint moan, then Mar"2s .oi$e' 4,h miss, miss, Ktis Mar"' *he do$tor2s $omin2, miss' K*is all right, miss, I woan2 lea.e ee'5 And &harles for a 3rief moment stepped 3a$k into the room' !e saw Mar" on her knees, $radling #rnestina up' *he mistress2s fa$e was turned against the maid2s 3reast' Mar" looked up at &harles those .i.id e"es seemed to for3id him to wat$h or remain' !e a$$epted their $andid Cudgment'
51
7or a long time, as I ha.e said, the strong feudal ha3its of su3ordination and deferen$e $ontinued to tell upon the working $lass' *he modern spirit has now almost entirel" dissol.ed those ha3its ' ' ' More and more this and that man, and this and that 3od" of men, all o.er the $ountr", are 3eginning to assert and put in pra$ti$e an #nglishman2s right to do what he likes his right to mar$h where he likes, meet where he likes, enter where he likes, hoot as he likes, threaten as he likes, smash as he likes' All this, I sa", tends to anar$h"' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, Culture and Anarchy (18AJ)
<r' 0rogan was mer$ifull" not on his rounds' &harles refused the housekeeper2s in.itation to go in, 3ut waited on the doorstep until the little do$tor $ame hurriedl" down to meet him8and stepped, at a gesture from &harles, outside the door so that their words $ould not 3e heard' 4I ha.e Cust 3roken off m" engagement' 6he is .er" distressed' I 3eg "ou not to ask for e)planation8and to go to ?road 6treet without dela"'5 0rogan threw &harles an astounded look o.er his spe$ta$les, then without a word went 3a$k indoors' A few se$onds later he reappeared with his hat and medi$al 3ag' *he" 3egan walking at on$e' 4>ot' ' ' D5 &harles nodded+ and for on$e the little do$tor seemed too sho$ked to sa"
an" more' *he" walked some twent" or thirt" steps' 46he is not what "ou think, 0rogan' I am $ertain of that'5 4I am without words, 6mithson'5 4I seek no e)$use'5 46he knowsD5 4*hat there is another' >o more'5 *he" turned the $orner and 3egan to mount ?road 6treet' 4I must ask "ou not to re.eal her name'5 *he do$tor ga.e him a fier$e little side;look' 47or Miss :oodruff2s sake' >ot mine'5 *he do$tor stopped a3ruptl"' 4*hat morning8am I to understand ''' D5 4I 3eg "ou' 0o now' I will wait at the inn'5 ?ut 0rogan remained staring, as if he too $ould not 3elie.e he was not in some nightmare' &harles stood it a moment, then, gesturing the do$tor on up the hill, 3egan to $ross the street towards the :hite (ion' 4?" hea.ens, 6mithson '''5 &harles turned a moment, 3ore the Irishman2s angr" look, then $ontinued without word on his wa"' As did the do$tor, though he did not quit &harles with his e"es till he had disappeared under the rain;por$h' &harles regained his rooms, in time to see the do$tor admitted into Aunt *ranter2s house' !e entered with him in spirit+ he felt like a 9udah, an #phialtes, like e.er" traitor sin$e time 3egan' ?ut he was sa.ed from further self;ma$eration 3" a kno$k on the door' 6am appeared' 4:hat the de.il do "ou wantD I didn2t ring'5 6am opened his mouth, 3ut no sound emerged' &harles $ould not 3ear the sho$k of that look' 4?ut now "ou2.e $ome8fet$h me a glass of 3rand"'5 ?ut that was mere pla"ing for time' *he 3rand" was 3rought, and &harles sipped it+ and then on$e more had to fa$e his ser.ant2s stare' 4It2s ne.er true, Mr' &harlesD5 4:ere "ou at the houseD5 41es, Mr' &harles'5 &harles went to the 3a" window o.erlooking ?road 6treet' 41es, it is true' Miss 7reeman and I are no longer to marr"' >ow go' And keep "our mouth shut'5 4?ut' '' Mr' &harles, me and m" Mar"D5 4(ater, later' I $an2t think of su$h matters now'5 !e tossed off the last of his 3rand" and then went to the writing desk and drew out a sheet of notepaper' 6ome se$onds passed' 6am did not mo.e' ,r his feet did not mo.e' !is gorge was .isi3l" swelling' 4<id "ou hear what I saidD5 6am had a strange glistening look' 41es, sir' !onl" with respe$k I Ka.e to $onsider m" hown sitwation'5
&harles swung round from his desk' 4And what ma" that meanD5 4:ill "ou e residin2 in (ondon from Ken$eforward, sirD5 &harles pi$ked up the pen from the standish' 4I shall .er" pro3a3l" go a3road'5 4*hen I Ka.e to 3eg to had.ise "ou, sir, that I won2t 3e ha$$ompanin2 "ou'5 &harles Cumped up' 4!ow dare "ou address me in that damned impertinent mannerI *ake "ourself offI5 6am was now the enraged 3antam' 4>ot Kfore "ou2.e Keard me out' I2m not $omin2 3a$k to !e)eter' I2m lea.in2 "our hemplo"I5 46amI5 It was a shout of rage' 4As I 3ought to Ka.e done84 40o to the de.ilI5 6am drew himself up then' 7or two pins he would ha.e gi.en his master a ne.er;sa";dieM (as he told Mar" later) 3ut he $ontrolled his &o$kne" fire and remem3ered that a gentleman2s gentleman uses finer weapons' 6o he went to the door and opened it, then threw a free=ingl" dignified look 3a$k at &harles'
NM A 3la$k e"e'O
4I don2t fan$" nowhere, sir- as where I might meet a friend o2 "ours'5 *he door was $losed none too gentl"' &harles strode to it and ripped it open' 6am was retreating down the $orridor' 4!ow dare "ouI &ome hereI5 6am turned with a gra.e $alm' 4If "ou wishes for hattention, pra" ring for one of the Kotel domesti$s'5 And with that parting shot, whi$h left &harles spee$hless, he disappeared round a $orner and downstairs' !is grin when he heard the door a3o.e .iolentl" slammed again did not last long' !e had gone and done it' And in truth he felt like a marooned sailor seeing his ship sail awa"+ worse, he had a se$ret knowledge that he deser.ed his punishment' Mutin", I am afraid, was not his onl" $rime' &harles spent his rage on the empt" 3rand" glass, whi$h he hurled into the firepla$e' *his was his first taste of the real thorn;and;stone treatment, and he did not like it one 3it' 7or a wild moment he almost rushed out of the :hite (ion8he would throw himself on his knees at #rnestina2s feet, he would plead insanit", inner torment, a testing of her lo.e ''' he kept striking his fist in his open palm' :hat had he doneD :hat was he doingD :hat would he doD If e.en his ser.ants despised and reCe$ted himI
!e stood holding his head in his hands' *hen he looked at his wat$h' !e should still see 6arah tonight+ and a .ision of her fa$e, gentle, a$quies$ent, soft tears of Co" as he held her ''' it was enough' !e went 3a$k to his desk and started to draft the letter to #rnestina2s father' !e was still engaged on it when <r' 0rogan was announ$ed'
52
,h, make m" lo.e a $offin ,f the gold that shines "ellow, And she shall 3e 3uried ?" the 3anks of green willow' 86,M#R6#* 7,(H6,>0 4?" the ?anks of 0reen :illow5
*he sad figure in all this is poor Aunt *ranter' 6he $ame 3a$k from her lun$h e)pe$ting to meet &harles' Instead she met her house in uni.ersal $atastrophe' Mar" first greeted her in the hall, white and distraught' 4&hild, $hild, what has happenedI5 Mar" $ould onl" shake her head in agon"' A door opened upstairs and the good lad" raised her skirt and 3egan to trot up them like a woman half her age' ,n the landing she met <r' 0rogan, who urgentl" raised his finger to his lips' It was not until the" were in the fateful sitting room, and he had seen Mrs' *ranter seated, that he 3roke the realit" to her' 4It $annot 3e' It $annot 3e'5 4<ear woman, a thousand times alas ''' 3ut it $an8and is'5 4?ut &harles ''' so affe$tionate, so lo.ing ' ' ' wh", onl" "esterda" a telegram '''5 and she looked as if she no longer knew her room, or the do$tor2s quiet, downlooking fa$e' 4!is $ondu$t is atro$ious' I $annot understand it'5 4?ut what reasons has he gi.enD5 46he would not speak' >ow don2t alarm "ourself' 6he needs sleep' :hat I ha.e gi.en her will ensure that' *omorrow all will 3e e)plained'5 4>ot all the e)planations in the world '''5 6he 3egan to $r"' 4*here, there, m" dear lad"' &r"' >othing relie.es the
feelings 3etter'5 4/oor darling' 6he will die of a 3roken heart'5 4I think not' I ha.e ne.er "et had to gi.e that as a $ause of death'5 41ou do not know her as I do ''' and oh, what will #mil" sa"D It will all 3e m" fault'5 #mil" was her sister, Mrs' 7reeman' 4I think she must 3e telegraphed at on$e' Allow me to see to that'5 4,h hea.ens8and where shall she sleepD5 *he do$tor smiled, 3ut .er" gentl", at this non se<uitur. !e had had to deal with su$h $ases 3efore+ and he knew the 3est pres$ription was an endless female fuss' 4>ow, m" dear Mrs' *ranter, I wish "ou to listen to me' 7or a few da"s "ou must see to it that "our nie$e is wat$hed da" and night' If she wishes to 3e treated as an in.alid, then treat her so' If she wishes tomorrow to get up and lea.e ("me, then let her do so' !umor her, "ou understand' 6he is "oung, in e)$ellent health' I guarantee that in si) months she will 3e as ga" as a linnet'5 4!ow $an "ou 3e so $ruelI 6he will ne.er get o.er it' *hat wi$ked ''' 3ut how '''5 A thought stru$k her and she rea$hed out and tou$hed the do$tor2s slee.e' 4*here is another womanI5 <r' 0rogan pin$hed his nose' 4*hat, I $annot sa"'5 4!e is a monster'5 4?ut not so mu$h of a monster that he has not de$lared himself one' And lost a part" a good man" monsters would ha.e greedil" de.oured'5 41es' 1es' *here is that to 3e thankful for'5 ?ut her mind was 3o)ed 3" $ontradi$tions' 4I shall ne.er forgi.e him'5 Another idea stru$k her' 4!e is still in the townD I shall go tell him m" mind'5 !e took her arm' 4*hat I must for3id' !e himself $alled me here' !e waits now to hear that the poor girl is not in danger' I shall see him' Rest assured that I shall not min$e matters' I2ll ha.e his hide for this'5 4!e should 3e whipped and put in the sto$ks' :hen we were "oung that would ha.e 3een done' It ought to 3e done' *he poor, poor angel'5 6he stood' 4I must go to her'5 4And I must see him'5 41ou will tell him from me that he has ruined the happiness of the sweetest, most trusting84 41es "es "es ''' now $alm "ourself' And do find out wh" that ser.ing; lass of "ours is taking on so' An"one would think her heart had 3een 3roken'5 Mrs' *ranter saw the do$tor out, then dr"ing her tears, $lim3ed the stairs to #rnestina2s room' *he $urtains were drawn, 3ut da"light filtered round the
edges' Mar" sat 3eside the .i$tim' 6he rose as her mistress entered' #rnestina la" deep in sleep, on her 3a$k, 3ut with her head turned to one side' *he fa$e was strangel" $alm and $omposed, the 3reathing quiet' *here was e.en the faintest suggestion of a smile on those lips' *he iron" of that $alm smote Mrs' *ranter again+ the poor dear $hild, when she awoke ' ' ' tears sprang again' 6he raised herself and da33ed her e"es, then looked at Mar" for the first time' >ow Mar" reall" did look like a soul in the 3ottom; most pit of miser", in fa$t e.er"thing that *ina ought to ha.e looked, 3ut didn2t+ and Mrs' *ranter remem3ered the do$tor2s somewhat querulous parting words' 6he 3e$koned to the maid to follow her and the" went out on the landing' :ith the door aCar, the" spoke there in whispers' 4>ow tell me what happened, $hild'5 4Mr' &harles Ke $alled down, m2m, and Miss *ina was a;l"ing in faints an2 Ke run out fer the do$tor Kn Miss *ina Ker opens Ker e"es on2" Ker doan2 sa" no thin2 so2s I Kelps Ker up "ere, I didden know Kow to do, for soon2s Ker2s on Ker 3ed, m2m, Ker2s tooken 3" the istri$ks Kn oh m2m I was so frighted Ktwas like Ker was laffin2 and s$reamin2 and Ker woulden stop' An2 then <o$tor 0rogan Ke $ome Kn Ke $alm Ker down' ,h m2m'5 4*here, there, Mar", "ou were a good girl' And did she sa" nothingD5 4,n2" when us was a;$omin5 up the stairs, m2m, an2 Ker asked where Mr' &harles was to, m2m' I tol2er Ke2d agone to the do$tor' K*was what started the istri$ks, m2m'5 46h' 6h'5 7or Mar"2s .oi$e had 3egun to rise and there were strong s"mptoms in her as well of the h"steri$s' Mrs' *ranter had, in an" $ase, a strong urge to $onsole something, so she took Mar" into her arms and patted her head' Although she there3" 3roke all de$ent laws on the matter of the mistress; ser.ant relationship, I rather think that that hea.enl" 3utler did not $lose his doors in her fa$e' *he girl2s 3od" was ra$ked with pent;up so3s, whi$h she tried to $ontrol for the other sufferer2s sake' At last she quietened' 4>ow what is itD5 4It2s 6am, m2m' K#2s downstairs' K#2s Kad 3ad words with Mr' &harles, m2m, an2 gi.en in Kis noti$e Kn Mr' &harles woan2 gi.2un no reffrums now'5 6he stifled a late so3' 4-s doan2 know what2s to 3e$ome of us'5 4?ad wordsD :hen was this, $hildD5 49us5 afore Kee $ome in, m2m' ,n a$$ount o2 Miss *ina, m2m'5 4?ut how was thatD5 46am Ke knew Ktwas goin2 to Kappen' *hat Mr' &harles8Gs a wi$ked wi$ked man, m2m' ,h m2m, us wanted to tell Kee 3ut us didden dare'5 *here was a low sound from the room' Mrs' *ranter went swiftl" and
looked in+ 3ut the fa$e remained $alm and deepl" asleep' 6he $ame out again to the girl with the sunken head' 4I shall wat$h now, Mar"' (et us talk later'5 *he girl 3ent her head e.en lower' 4*his 6am, do "ou trul" lo.e himD5 41es, m2m'5 4And does he lo.e "ouD5 42*is wh" Ke woulden go with Kis master, m2m'5 4*ell him to wait' I should like to speak to him' And we2ll find him a post'5 Mar"2s tear;stained fa$e rose then' 4I doan2 e.er want to lea.2ee, m2m'5 4And "ou ne.er shall, $hild8till "our wedding da"'5 *hen Mrs' *ranter 3ent forward and kissed her forehead' 6he went and sat 3" #rnestina, while Mar" went downstairs' ,n$e in the kit$hen she ran, to the $ook2s disgust, outside and into the lila$ shadows and 6am2s an)ious 3ut eager arms'
53
7or we see whither it has 3rought us ''' the insisting on perfe$tion in one part of our nature and not in all+ the singling out of the moral side, the side of o3edien$e and a$tion, for su$h intent regard+ making stri$tness of the moral $ons$ien$e so far the prin$ipal thing, and putting off for hereafter and for another world the $are of 3eing $omplete at all points, the full and harmonious de.elopment of our humanit"' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, Culture and Anarchy (18AJ)
46he is ''' re$o.eredD5 4I ha.e put her to sleep'5 *he do$tor walked a$ross the room and stood with his hands 3ehind his 3a$k, staring down ?road 6treet to the sea' 46he ''' she said nothingD5 *he do$tor shook his head without turning+ was silent a moment+ then he 3urst round on &harles'
4I await "our e)planation, sirI5 And &harles ga.e it, 3aldl", without self;e)tenuation' Of 6arah he said .er" little' !is sole attempt at an e)$use was o.er his de$eption of 0rogan himself+ and that he 3lamed on his $on.i$tion that to ha.e $ommitted 6arah to an" as"lum would ha.e 3een a gross inCusti$e' *he do$tor listened with a fier$e, intent silen$e' :hen &harles had finished he turned again to the window' 4I wish I $ould remem3er what parti$ular punishments <ante pres$ri3ed for the Antinomians' *hen I $ould pres$ri3e them for "ou'5 4I think I shall ha.e punishment enough'5 4*hat is not possi3le' >ot 3" m" tall"'5 &harles left a pause' 4I did not reCe$t "our ad.i$e without mu$h heart;sear$hing'5 46mithson, a gentleman remains a gentleman when he reCe$ts ad.i$e' !e does not do so when he tells lies'5 4I 3elie.ed them ne$essar"'5 4As "ou 3elie.ed the satisfa$tion of "our lust ne$essar"'5 4I $annot a$$ept that word'5 41ou had 3etter learn to' It is the one the world will atta$h to "our $ondu$t'5 &harles mo.ed to the $entral ta3le, and stood with one hand resting on it' 40rogan, would "ou ha.e had me li.e a lifetime of pretenseD Is our age not full enough as it is of a meal";mouthed h"po$ris", an adulation of all that is false in our naturesD :ould "ou ha.e had me add to thatD5 4I would ha.e had "ou think twi$e 3efore "ou em3roiled that inno$ent girl in "our pursuit of self;knowledge'5 4?ut on$e that knowledge is granted us, $an we es$ape its di$tatesD !owe.er repugnant their $onsequen$esD5 *he do$tor looked awa" with a steel" little grima$e' &harles saw that he was huffed and ner.ous+ and reall" at a loss, after the first $ommination, how to deal with this monstrous affront to pro.in$ial $on.ention' *here was indeed a struggle in progress 3etween the 0rogan who had li.ed now for a quarter of a $entur" in ("me and the 0rogan who had seen the world' *here were other things his liking for &harles, his pri.ate opinion8not .er" far remo.ed from 6ir Ro3ert2s8that #rnestina was a prett" little thing, 3ut a shallow little thing+ there was e.en an e.ent long 3uried in his own past whose e)a$t nature need not 3e re.ealed 3e"ond that it made his referen$e to lust a good deal less impersonal than he had made it seem' !is tone remained repro.ing+ 3ut he sidestepped the moral question he had 3een asked'
4I am a do$tor, 6mithson' I know onl" one o.erriding law' All suffering is e.il' It ma" also 3e ne$essar"' *hat does not alter its fundamental nature'5 4I don2t see where good is to spring from, if it is not out of that e.il' !ow $an one 3uild a 3etter self unless on the ruins of the oldD5 4And the ruins of that poor "oung $reature a$ross the wa"D5 4It is 3etter she suffers on$e, to 3e free of me, than '''5 he fell silent' 4Ah' 1ou are sure of that, are "ouD5 &harles said nothing' *he do$tor stared down at the street' 41ou ha.e $ommitted a $rime' 1our punishment will 3e to remem3er it all "our life' 6o don2t gi.e "ourself a3solution "et' ,nl" death will gi.e "ou that'5 !e took off his glasses, and polished them on a green silk handker$hief' *here was a long pause, a .er" long pause+ and at the end of it his .oi$e, though still repro.ing, was milder' 41ou will marr" the otherD5 &harles 3reathed a metaphori$al sigh of relief' As soon as 0rogan had $ome into the room he had known that his pre.ious self;assertions8that he was indifferent to the opinion of a mere 3athing;pla$e do$tor8were hollow' *here was a humanit" in the Irishman &harles greatl" respe$ted+ in a wa" 0rogan stood for all he respe$ted' !e knew he $ould not e)pe$t a full remission of sins+ 3ut it was enough to sense that total e)$ommuni$ation was not to 3e his lot' 4*hat is m" most sin$ere intent'5 46he knowsD 1ou ha.e told herD5 41es'5 4And she has a$$epted "our offer, of $ourseD5 4I ha.e e.er" reason to 3elie.e so'5 !e e)plained the $ir$umstan$es of 6am2s errand that morning' *he little do$tor turned to fa$e him' 46mithson, I know "ou are not .i$ious' I know "ou would not ha.e done what "ou ha.e unless "ou 3elie.ed the girl2s own a$$ount of her e)traordinar" 3eha.ior' ?ut I warn "ou that a dou3t must remain' And su$h a dou3t as must $ast a shadow o.er an" future prote$tion "ou e)tend to her'5 4I ha.e taken that into $onsideration'5 &harles risked a thin smile' 4As I ha.e the $loud of o3fus$ating $ant our se) talks a3out women' *he" are to sit, are the" not, like so man" arti$les in a shop and to let us men walk in and tarn them o.er and point at this one or that one8she takes m" fan$"' If the" allow this, we $all them de$ent, respe$ta3le, modest' ?ut when one of these arti$les has the impertinen$e to speak up for herself84 46he has done rather more than that, I gather'5 &harles rode the re3uke' 46he has done what is almost a $ommonpla$e in high so$iet"' I do not know wh" the $ountless wi.es in that milieu who
dishonor their marriage .ows are to 3e granted e)$ulpation, while ' ' ' 3esides, I am far more to 3lame' 6he merel" sent me her address' I was perfe$tl" free to a.oid the $onsequen$es of going to it'5 *he do$tor threw him a mute little glan$e' !onest", now, he had to admit' !e resumed his stare down at the street' After a few moments he spoke, mu$h more in his old manner and .oi$e' 4/erhaps I am growing old' I know su$h 3rea$hes of trust as "ours are 3e$oming so $ommonpla$e that to 3e sho$ked 3" them is to pronoun$e oneself an old foge"' ?ut I will tell "ou what 3others me' I share "our distaste for $ant, whether it 3e of the religious or the legal .ariet"' *he law has alwa"s seemed to me an ass, and a great part of religion .er" little 3etter' I do not atta$k "ou on those grounds, I will not atta$k "ou on an" grounds' I will merel" gi.e "ou m" opinion' It is this' 1ou 3elie.e "ourself to 3elong to a rational and s$ientifi$ ele$t' >o, no, I know what "ou would sa", "ou are not so .ain' 6o 3e it' >onetheless, "ou wish to 3elong to that ele$t' I do not 3lame "ou for that' I ha.e held the same wish m"self all m" life' ?ut I 3eg "ou to remem3er one thing, 6mithson' All through human histor" the ele$t ha.e made their $ases for ele$tion' ?ut *ime allows onl" one plea'5 *he do$tor repla$ed his glasses and turned on &harles' 4It is this' *hat the ele$t, whate.er the parti$ular grounds the" ad.an$e for their $ause, ha.e introdu$ed a finer and fairer moralit" into this dark world' If the" fail that test, then the" 3e$ome no more than despots, sultans, mere seekers after their own pleasure and power' In short, mere .i$tims of their own 3aser desires' I think "ou understand what I am dri.ing at8and its espe$ial rele.an$e to "ourself from this unhapp" da" on' If "ou 3e$ome a 3etter and a more generous human 3eing, "ou ma" 3e forgi.en' ?ut if "ou 3e$ome more selfish ''' "ou are dou3l" damned'5 &harles looked down from those e)a$ting e"es' 4*hough far less $ogentl", m" own $ons$ien$e had alread" said as mu$h'5 4*hen amen' Jacta alea est.( !e pi$ked up his hat and 3ag from the ta3le and went to the door' ?ut there he hesitated8 then held out his hand' 4I wish "ou well on "our mar$h awa" from the Ru3i$on'5 &harles grasped the proffered hand, almost as if he were drowning' !e tried to sa" something, 3ut failed' *here was a moment of stronger pressure from 0rogan2s fingers, then he turned and opened the door' !e looked 3a$k, a glint in his e"es' 4And if "ou do not lea.e here within the hour I shall 3e 3a$k with the largest horsewhip I $an find'5 &harles stiffened at that' ?ut the glint remained' &harles swallowed a painful smile and 3owed his head in assent' *he door $losed'
!e was left alone with his medi$ine'
54
M" wind is turned to 3itter north *hat was so soft a south 3efore 8A' !' &(,-0!, /oem (1841)
In fairness to &harles it must 3e said that he sent to find 6am 3efore he left the :hite (ion' ?ut the ser.ant was not in the taproom or the sta3les' &harles guessed indeed where he was' !e $ould not send there+ and thus he left ("me without seeing him again' !e got into his four;wheeler in the "ard, and promptl" drew down the 3linds' *wo hearse;like miles passed 3efore he opened them again, and let the slanting e.ening sunlight, for it was now fi.e o2$lo$k, 3righten the ding" paintwork and upholster" of the $arriage' It did not immediatel" 3righten &harles2s spirits' 1et graduall", as he $ontinued to draw awa" from ("me, he felt as if a 3urden had 3een lifted off his shoulders+ a defeat suffered, and "et he had sur.i.ed it' 0rogan2s solemn warning8that the rest of his life must 3e li.ed in proof of the Custi$e of what he had done8he a$$epted' ?ut among the ri$h green fields and Ma" hedgerows of the <e.on $ountr"side it was diffi$ult not to see the future as fertile8a new life la" ahead of him, great $hallenges, 3ut he would rise to them' !is guilt seemed almost 3enefi$ial its e)piation ga.e his life its hitherto la$king purpose' An image from an$ient #g"pt entered his mind8a s$ulpture in the ?ritish Museum, showing a pharaoh standing 3eside his wife, who had her arm round his waist, with her other hand on his forearm' It had alwa"s seemed to &harles a perfe$t em3lem of $onCugal harmon", not least sin$e the figures were $ar.ed from the same 3lo$k of stone' !e and 6arah were not "et $ar.ed into that harmon"+ 3ut the" were of the same stone' !e ga.e himself then to thoughts of the future, to pra$ti$al arrangements' 6arah must 3e suita3l" installed in (ondon' *he" should go a3road as soon as his affairs $ould 3e settled, the Hensington house got rid of, his things
stored ''' perhaps 0erman" first, then south in winter to 7loren$e or Rome (if the $i.il $onditions allowed) or perhaps 6pain' 0ranadaI *he Alham3raI Moonlight, the distant sound 3elow of singing g"psies, su$h grateful, tender e"es ''' and in some Casmine;s$ented room the" would lie awake, in ea$h other2s arms, infinitel" alone, e)iled, "et fused in that loneliness, insepara3le in that e)ile' >ight had fallen' &harles $raned out and saw the distant lights of #)eter' !e $alled out to the dri.er to take him first to #ndi$ott2s 7amil" !otel' *hen he leaned 3a$k and re.eled in the s$ene that was to $ome' >othing $arnal should disfigure it, of $ourse+ that at least he owed to #rnestina as mu$h as to 6arah' ?ut he on$e again saw an e)quisite ta3leau of tender silen$e, her hands in his ''' *he" arri.ed' *elling the man to wait &harles entered the hotel and kno$ked on Mrs' #ndi$ott2s door' 4,h it2s "ou, sir'5 4Miss :oodruff e)pe$ts me' I will find m" own wa"'5 Alread" he was turning awa" towards the stairs' 4*he "oung lad"2s left, sirI5 4(eftI 1ou mean gone outD5 4>o, sir' I mean left'5 !e stared weakl" at her' 46he took the (ondon train this morning, sir'5 4?ut I ''' are "ou sureD5 46ure as I2m standing here, sir' I distin$tl" heard her sa" the railwa" station to the $a3man, sir' And he asked what train, and she said, plain as I2m speaking to "ou now, the (ondon'5 *he plump old lad" $ame forward' 4:ell I was surprised m"self, sir' !er with three da"s still paid on her room'5 4?ut did she lea.e no addressD5 4>ot a line, sir' >ot a word to me where she was going'5 *hat 3la$k mark .er" e.identl" $an$elled the good one merited 3" not asking for three da"s2 mone" 3a$k' 4>o message was left for meD5 4I thought it might .er" likel" 3e "ou she was a;going off with, sir' *hat2s what I took the li3ert" to presume'5 *o stand longer there 3e$ame an impossi3ilit"' 4!ere is m" $ard' If "ou hear from her8if "ou would let me know' :ithout fail' !ere' 6omething for the ser.i$e and postage'5 Mrs' #ndi$ott smiled ingratiatingl"' 4,h thank "ou, sir' :ithout fail'5 !e went out+ and as soon $ame 3a$k'
4*his morning8a manser.ant, did he not $ome with a letter and pa$ket for Miss :oodruffD5 Mrs' #ndi$ott looked 3lank' 46hortl" after eight o2$lo$kD5 6till the proprietress looked 3lank' *hen she $alled for ?ets" Anne, who appeared and was se.erel" $ross;e)amined 3" her mistress ''' that is, until &harles a3ruptl" left' !e sank 3a$k into his $arriage and $losed his e"es' !e felt without .olition, plunged into a state of a3ulia' If onl" he had not 3een so s$rupulous, if onl" he had $ome straight 3a$k after ''' 3ut 6am' 6amI A thiefI A sp"I !ad he 3een tempted into Mr' 7reeman2s pa"D ,r was his $rime e)pli$a3le as resentment o.er those wret$hed three hundred poundsD !ow well did &harles now understand the s$ene in ("me8 6am must ha.e reali=ed he would 3e dis$o.ered as soon as the" returned to #)eter+ must therefore ha.e read his letter ''' &harles flushed a deep red in the darkness' !e would 3reak the man2s ne$k if he e.er saw him again' 7or a moment he e.en $ontemplated going to a poli$e station offi$e and $harging him with ''' well, theft at an" rate' ?ut at on$e he saw the futilit" of that' And what good would it do in the essential the dis$o.er" of 6arahD !e saw onl" one light in the gloom that des$ended on him' 6he had gone to (ondon+ she knew he li.ed in (ondon' ?ut if her moti.e was to $ome, as 0rogan had on$e suggested, kno$king on his door, would not that moti.e rather ha.e dri.en her 3a$k to ("me, where she supposed him to 3eD And had he not de$ided that all her intentions were honora3leD Must it not seem to her that he was renoun$ed, and lost, fore.erD *he one light fli$kered, and went out' !e did something that night he had not done for man" "ears' !e knelt 3" his 3ed and pra"ed+ and the su3stan$e of his pra"er was that he would find her+ if he sear$hed for the rest of his life, he would find her'
55
4:h", a3out you>( *weedledee e)$laimed, $lapping his hands triumphantl"' 4And if he left off dreaming a3out "ou, where do "ou suppose "ou2d 3eD5 4:here I am now, of $ourse,5 said Ali$e' 4>ot "ouI5 *weedledee retorted $ontemptuousl"' 41ou2d 3e nowhere'
:h", "ou2re onl" a sort of thing in his dreamI5 4If that there Hing was to wake,5 added *weedledum, 4"ou2d go out8 3angI8Cust like a $andleI5 4I shouldn2tI5 Ali$e e)$laimed indignantl"' 8(#:I6 &ARR,((, Through the 0oo5ing;%lass (18BL)
&harles arri.ed at the station in ridi$ulousl" good time the ne)t morning+ and ha.ing gone through the ungentlemanl" 3usiness of seeing his things loaded into the 3aggage .an and then sele$ted an empt" first;$lass $ompartment, he sat impatientl" waiting for the train to start' ,ther passengers looked in from time to time, and were re3uffed 3" that 0orgon stare (this $ompartment is reser.ed for non;lepers) the #nglish ha.e so easil" at $ommand' A whistle sounded, and &harles thought he had won the solitude he $ra.ed' ?ut then, at the .er" last moment, a massi.el" 3earded fa$e appeared at his window' *he $old stare was met 3" the e.en $older stare of a man in a hurr" to get a3oard' *he late$omer muttered a 4/ardon me, sir5 and made his wa" to the far end of the $ompartment' !e sat, a man of fort" or so, his top hat firml" square, his hands on his knees, regaining his 3reath' *here was something rather aggressi.el" se$ure a3out him+ he was perhaps not quite a gentleman ''' an am3itious 3utler (3ut 3utlers did not tra.el first $lass) or a su$$essful la" prea$her8one of the 3ull"ing ta3erna$le kind, a would;3e 6purgeon, $on.erting souls 3" s$or$hing them with the $heap rhetori$ of eternal damnation' A de$idedl" unpleasant man, thought &harles, and so t"pi$al of the age8and therefore emphati$all" to 3e snu33ed if he tried to enter into $on.ersation' As sometimes happens when one stares $o.ertl" at people and spe$ulates a3out them, &harles was $aught in the a$t+ and repro.ed for it' *here was a .er" $lear suggestion in the sharp look sidewa"s that &harles should keep his e"es to himself' !e hastil" dire$ted his ga=e outside his window and $onsoled himself that at least the person shunned intima$" as mu$h as he did' Ger" soon the e.en mo.ement lulled &harles into a dou$e da"dream' (ondon was a large $it"+ 3ut she must soon look for work' !e had the time, the resour$es, the will+ a week might pass, two, 3ut then she would stand 3efore him+ perhaps "et another address would slip through his letter 3o)' *he wheels said it she;$ould;not;3e;so;$ruel, she;$ould;not;3e;so;$ruel, she;$ould;not;3e;so;$ruel ''' the train passed through the red and green .alle"s towards &ullompton' &harles saw its $hur$h, without knowing where
the pla$e was, and soon afterwards $losed his e"es' !e had slept poorl" that pre.ious night' 7or a while his tra.eling $ompanion took no noti$e of the sleeping &harles' ?ut as the $hin sank deeper and deeper8 &harles had taken the pre$aution of remo.ing his hat8the prophet;3earded man 3egan to stare at him, safe in the knowledge that his $uriosit" would not 3e surprised' !is look was pe$uliar si=ing, ruminati.e, more than a shade disappro.ing, as if he knew .er" well what sort of man this was (as &harles had 3elie.ed to see .er" well what sort of man he was) and did not mu$h like the knowledge or the spe$ies' It was true that, uno3ser.ed, he looked a little less frigid and authoritarian a person+ 3ut there remained a3out his features an unpleasant aura of self;$onfiden$e8or if not quite $onfiden$e in self, at least a $onfiden$e in his Cudgment of others, of how mu$h he $ould get out of them, e)pe$t from them, ta) them' A stare of a minute or so2s duration, of this kind, might ha.e 3een e)pli$a3le' *rain Courne"s are 3oring+ it is amusing to sp" on strangers+ and so on' ?ut this stare, whi$h 3e$ame positi.el" $anni3alisti$ in its intensit", lasted far longer than a minute' It lasted 3e"ond *aunton, though it was 3riefl" interrupted there when the noise on the platform made &harles wake for a few moments' ?ut when he sank 3a$k into his slum3ers, the e"es fastened on him again in the same lee$h;like manner' 1ou ma" one da" $ome under a similar ga=e' And "ou ma"8in the less reser.ed $onte)t of our own $entur"83e aware of it' *he intent wat$her will not wait till "ou are asleep' It will no dou3t suggest something unpleasant, some kind of de.ious se)ual approa$h ''' a desire to know "ou in a wa" "ou do not want to 3e known 3" a stranger' In m" e)perien$e there is onl" one profession that gi.es that parti$ular look, with its 3i=arre 3lend of the inquisiti.e and the magistral+ of the ironi$ and the soli$iting' >ow $ould I use "ouD >ow what $ould I do with "ouD It is pre$isel", it has alwa"s seemed to me, the look an omnipotent god8 if there were su$h an a3surd thing8should 3e shown to ha.e' >ot at all what we think of as a di.ine look+ 3ut one of a distin$tl" mean and du3ious (as the theoreti$ians of the nouveau roman ha.e pointed out) moral qualit"' I see this with parti$ular $larit" on the fa$e, onl" too familiar to me, of the 3earded man who stares at &harles' And I will keep up the pretense no longer' >ow the question I am asking, as I stare at &harles, is not quite the same as the two a3o.e' ?ut rather, what the de.il am I going to do with "ouD I
ha.e alread" thought of ending &harles2s $areer here and now+ of lea.ing him for eternit" on his wa" to (ondon' ?ut the $on.entions of Gi$torian fi$tion allow, allowed no pla$e for the open, the in$on$lusi.e ending+ and I prea$hed earlier of the freedom $hara$ters must 3e gi.en' M" pro3lem is simple8what &harles wants is $learD It is indeed' ?ut what the protagonist wants is not so $lear+ and I am not at all sure where she is at the moment' ,f $ourse if these two were two fragments of real life, instead of two figments of m" imagination, the issue of the dilemma is o3.ious the one want $om3ats the other want, and fails or su$$eeds, as the a$tualit" ma" 3e' 7i$tion usuall" pretends to $onform to the realit" the writer puts the $onfli$ting wants in the ring and then des$ri3es the fight83ut in fa$t fi)es the fight, letting that want he himself fa.ors win' And we Cudge writers of fi$tion 3oth 3" the skill the" show in fi)ing the fights (in other words, in persuading us that the" were not fi)ed) and 3" the kind of fighter the" fi) in fa.or of the good one, the tragi$ one, the e.il one, the funn" one, and so on' ?ut the $hief argument for fight;fi)ing is to show one2s readers what one thinks of the world around one8whether one is a pessimist, an optimist, what "ou will' I ha.e pretended to slip 3a$k into 18AB+ 3ut of $ourse that "ear is in realit" a $entur" past' It is futile to show optimism or pessimism, or an"thing else a3out it, 3e$ause we know what has happened sin$e' 6o I $ontinue to stare at &harles and see no reason this time for fi)ing the fight upon whi$h he is a3out to engage' *hat lea.es me with two alternati.es' I let the fight pro$eed and take no more than a re$ording part in it+ or I take 3oth sides in it' I stare at that .aguel" effete 3ut not $ompletel" futile fa$e' And as we near (ondon, I think I see a solution+ that is, I see the dilemma is false' *he onl" wa" I $an take no part in the fight is to show two .ersions of it' *hat lea.es me with onl" one pro3lem I $annot gi.e 3oth .ersions at on$e, "et whi$he.er is the se$ond will seem, so strong is the t"rann" of the last $hapter, the final, the 4real5 .ersion' I take m" purse from the po$ket of m" fro$k $oat, I e)tra$t a florin, I rest it on m" right thum3nail, I fli$k it, spinning, two feet into the air and $at$h it in m" left hand' 6o 3e it' And I am suddenl" aware that &harles has opened his e"es and is looking at me' *here is something more than disappro.al in his e"es now+ he per$ei.es I am either a gam3ler or mentall" deranged' I return his disappro.al, and m" florin to m" purse' !e pi$ks up his hat, 3rushes some in.isi3le spe$k of dirt (a surrogate for m"self) from its nap and pla$es it on his head' :e draw under one of the great $ast;iron 3eams that support the roof of /addington station' :e arri.e, he steps down to the platform, 3e$koning to a
porter' In a few moments, ha.ing gi.en his instru$tions, he turns' *he 3earded man has disappeared in the throng'
56
Ah &hrist, that it were possi3le 7or one short hour to see *he souls we lo.ed, that the" might tell us :hat and where the" 3e' 8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE) /ri.ate Inquir" ,ffi$e, /atroni=ed 3" the Aristo$ra$", and under the sole dire$tion of Mr' /ollak" himself' Relations with 3oth the ?ritish and the 7oreign <ete$ti.e /oli$e' <#(I&A*# A>< &,>7I<#>*IA( I>Q-IRI#6 I>6*I*-*#< :I*! 6#&R#&1 A>< <I6/A*&! I> #>0(A><, *!# &,>*I>#>* A>< *!# &,(,>I#6' #GI<#>&# &,((#&*#< 7,R &A6#6 I> *!# <IG,R&# &,-R*, %&' 8MI<;GI&*,RIA> A<G#R*I6#M#>*
A wee5 might pass- two- ut then she would stand efore him . . . *he third week 3egins, and she has not stood 3efore him' &harles $annot 3e faulted+ he has 3een here, there, e.er"where' !e had a$hie.ed this u3iquit" 3" hiring four dete$ti.es8 whether the" were under the sole dire$tion of Mr' /ollak", I am not sure, 3ut the" worked hard' *he" had to, for the" were a .er" new profession, a mere ele.en "ears old, and held in general $ontempt' A gentleman in 18AA who sta33ed one to death was $onsidered to ha.e done a .er" proper thing' 4If people go a3out got up as garrotters,5 warned Punch- 4the" must take the $onsequen$es'5 &harles2s men had first tried the go.erness agen$ies, without su$$ess+ the" had tried the #du$ational ?oards of all the denominations that ran &hur$h s$hools' !iring a $arriage, he had himself spent fruitless hours patrolling, a pair of intent e"es that s$anned ea$h "ounger female fa$e that passed, the genteel;poor distri$ts of (ondon' In one su$h 6arah must 3e lodging in /e$kham, in /enton.ille, in /utne"+ in a do=en similar distri$ts of
neat new roads and one;domesti$ houses he sear$hed' !e also helped his men to in.estigate the 3ooming new female $leri$al agen$ies' A generali=ed hostilit" to Adam was alread" e.ident in them, sin$e the" had to 3ear the full 3runt of mas$uline preCudi$e and were to 3e$ome among the most important seed3eds of the eman$ipation mo.ement' I think these e)perien$es, though fruitless in the one matter he $ared a3out, were not all wasted on &harles' 6lowl" he 3egan to understand one aspe$t of 6arah 3etter her feeling of resentment, of an unfair 3e$ause remedia3le 3ias in so$iet"' ,ne morning he had woken to find himself .er" depressed' *he dreadful possi3ilit" of prostitution, that fate she had on$e hinted at, 3e$ame a $ertaint"' *hat e.ening he went in a state of pani$ to the same !a"market area he .isited earlier' :hat the dri.er imagined, I $annot suppose+ 3ut he must $ertainl" ha.e thought his fare the most fastidious man who e.er e)isted' *he" dro.e up and down those streets for two hours' ,nl" on$e did the" stop+ the dri.er saw a red;haired prostitute under a gaslight' ?ut almost at on$e two taps 3ade him dri.e on again' ,ther $onsequen$es of his $hoi$e of freedom had meanwhile not waited to e)a$t their toll' *o his finall" a$hie.ed letter to Mr' 7reeman he re$ei.ed no answer for ten da"s' ?ut then he had to sign for one, deli.ered ominousl" 3" hand, from Mr' 7reeman2s soli$itors' 6ir, 1n re 2iss Ernestina @reeman :e are instru$ted 3" Mr' #rnest 7reeman, father of the a3o.e; mentioned Miss #rnestina 7reeman, to request "ou to attend at these $ham3ers at P o2$lo$k this $oming 7rida"' 1our failure to attend will 3e regarded as an a$knowledgment of our $lient2s right to pro$eed' A-?R#1 % ?A00,** &harles took the letter to his own soli$itors' *he" had handled the 6mithson famil" affairs sin$e the eighteenth $entur"' And the present "ounger Montague, fa$ing whose desk the $onfessed sinner now shamefa$edl" sat, was onl" a little older than &harles himself' *he two men had 3een at :in$hester together+ and without 3eing $lose friends, knew and liked ea$h other well enough' 4:ell, what does it mean, !arr"D5 4It means, m" dear 3o", that "ou ha.e the de.il2s own lu$k' *he" ha.e $old feet'5 4*hen wh" should the" want to see meD5 4*he" won2t let "ou off altogether, &harles' *hat is asking too mu$h' M"
guess is that "ou will 3e asked to make a confessio delicti.( 4A statement of guiltD5 49ust so' I am afraid "ou must anti$ipate an ugl" do$ument' ?ut I $an onl" ad.ise "ou to sign it' 1ou ha.e no $ase'5 ,n that 7rida" afternoon &harles and Montague were ushered into a funereal waiting room in one of the Inns of &ourt' &harles felt it was something like a duel+ Montague was his se$ond' *he" were made to $ool their heels until a quarter past three' ?ut sin$e this preliminar" penan$e had 3een predi$ted 3" Montague, the" 3ore it with a $ertain ner.ous amusement' At last the" were summoned' A short and $holeri$ old man rose from 3ehind a large desk' A little 3ehind him stood Mr' 7reeman' !e had no e"es 3ut for &harles, and the" were .er" $old e"es indeed+ all amusement .anished' &harles 3owed to him, 3ut no a$knowledgment was made' *he two soli$itors shook hands $urtl"' *here was a fifth person present a tall, thin, 3alding man with penetrating dark e"es, at the sight of whom Montague imper$epti3l" flin$hed' 41ou know Mr' 6erCeant Murph"D5 4?" reputation onl"'5 A serCeant;at;law was in Gi$torian times a top $ounsel+ and 6erCeant Murph" was a killer, the most feared man of his da"' Mr' Au3re" peremptoril" indi$ated the $hairs the two .isitors were to take, then sat down himself again' Mr' 7reeman remained impla$a3l" standing' Mr' Au3re" shuffled papers, whi$h ga.e &harles time he did not want to a3sor3 the usual intimidating atmosphere of su$h pla$es the learned .olumes, the rolls of sheepskin 3ound in green ferret, the mournful 3o);files of dead $ases ranged high around the room like the urns of an o.erpopulated colum arium. *he old soli$itor looked se.erel" up' 4I think, Mr' Montague, that the fa$ts of this a3omina3le 3rea$h of engagement are not in dispute' I do not know what $onstru$tion "our $lient has put upon his $ondu$t to "ou' ?ut he has himself pro.ided a3undant e.iden$e of his own guilt in this letter to Mr' 7reeman, though I note that with the usual impuden$e of his kind he has sought to84 4Mr' Au3re", su$h language in these $ir$umstan$es84 6erCeant Murph" poun$ed, 4:ould "ou prefer to hear the language 1 should use, Mr' Montague8and in open $ourtD5 Montague took a 3reath and looked down' ,ld Au3re" stared at him with a massi.e disappro.al' 4Montague, I knew "our late grandfather well' I fan$" he would ha.e thought twi$e 3efore a$ting for su$h a $lient as "ours8
3ut let that pass for the non$e' I $onsider this letter ' ' '5 and he held it up, as if with tongs 4''' I $onsider this disgra$eful letter adds most impertinent insult to an alread" gross inCur", 3oth 3" its shameless attempt at self; e)oneration and the $omplete a3sen$e from it of an" referen$e to the $riminal and sordid liaison that the writer well knows is the 3la$kest aspe$t of his $rime'5 !e glowered at &harles' 41ou ma", sir, ha.e thought Mr' 7reeman not to 3e full" $ogni=ant of "our amours' 1ou are wrong' :e know the name of the female with whom "ou ha.e entered into su$h 3ase $on.ersation' :e ha.e a witness to $ir$umstan$es I find too disgusting to name'5 &harles flushed red' Mr' 7reeman2s e"es 3ored into him' !e $ould onl" lower his head+ and $urse 6am' Montague spoke' 4M" $lient did not $ome here to defend his $ondu$t'5 4*hen "ou would not defend an a$tionD5 4A person of "our eminen$e in our profession must know that I $annot answer that question'5 6erCeant Murph" inter.ened again' 41ou would not defend an a$tion if one were 3roughtD5 4:ith respe$t, sir, I must reser.e Cudgment on that matter'5 A .ulpine smile distorted the serCeant;at;law2s lips' 4*he Cudgment is not at issue, Mr' Montague'5 4Ma" we pro$eed, Mr' Au3re"D5 Mr' Au3re" glan$ed at the 6erCeant, who nodded grim assent' 4*his is not an o$$asion, Mr' Montague, when I should ad.ise too mu$h standing upon plea'5 !e shuffled papers again' 4I will 3e 3rief' M" ad.i$e to Mr' 7reeman has 3een $lear' In m" long e)perien$e, m" .er" long e)perien$e, this is the .ilest e)ample of dishonora3le 3eha.ior I ha.e e.er had under m" sur.e"' #.en did not "our $lient merit the harsh Cudgment he would ine.ita3l" re$ei.e, I 3elie.e firml" that su$h .i$ious $ondu$t should 3e e)hi3ited as a warning to others'5 !e left a long silen$e, then, for the words to sink deep' &harles wished he $ould $ontrol the 3lood in his $heeks' Mr' 7reeman at least was now looking down+ 3ut 6erCeant Murph" knew .er" well how to use a flushing witness' !e put on what admiring Cunior $ounsel $alled his 3asilisk qui=, in whi$h iron" and sadism were ni$el" prominent' Mr' Au3re", in a som3er new ke", went on' 4!owe.er, for reasons I shall not go into, Mr' 7reeman has ele$ted to show a mer$" the $ase in no wa" warrants' !e does not, upon $onditions, immediatel" ha.e it in mind to pro$eed'5 &harles swallowed, and glan$ed at Montague'
4I am sure m" $lient is grateful to "ours'5 4I ha.e, with esteemed ad.i$e ' ' '5 Mr' Au3re" 3owed 3riefl" towards the serCeant, who 3o33ed his head without taking his e"es off the wret$hed &harles 4''' prepared an admission of guilt' I should instru$t "ou that Mr' 7reeman2s de$ision not to pro$eed immediatel" is most stri$tl" $ontingent upon "our $lient2s signing, on this o$$asion and in our presen$e, and witnessed 3" all present, this do$ument'5 And he handed it to Montague, who glan$ed at it, then looked up' 4Ma" I request fi.e minutes2 dis$ussion in pri.ate with m" $lientD5 4I am most surprised "ou should find dis$ussion ne$essar"'5 !e puffed up a little, 3ut Montague stood firm' 4*hen .er" well, .er" well' If "ou must'5 6o !arr" Montague and &harles found themsel.es 3a$k in the funereal waiting room' Montague read the do$ument, then handed it dril" to &harles' 4:ell, here2s "our medi$ine' 1ou2.e got to take it, dear 3o"'5 And while Montague stared out at the window, &harles read the admission of guilt' I, &harles Algernon !enr" 6mithson, do full", freel" and not upon an" $onsideration 3ut m" desire to de$lare the truth, admit that 1' I $ontra$ted to marr" Miss #rnestina 7reeman+ L' I was gi.en no $ause whatsoe.er 3" the inno$ent part" (the said Miss #rnestina 7reeman) to 3reak m" solemn $ontra$t with her+ P' I was full" and e)a$tl" apprised of her rank in so$iet", her $hara$ter, her marriage portion and future prospe$ts 3efore m" engagement to her hand and that nothing I learned su3sequentl" of the aforesaid Miss #rnestina 7reeman in an" wa" $ontradi$ted or denied what I had 3een told+ 4' I did 3reak that $ontra$t without Cust $ause or an" Custifi$ation whatsoe.er 3e"ond m" own $riminal selfishness and faithlessness+ E' I entered upon a $landestine liaison with a person named 6arah #mil" :oodruff, resident at ("me Regis and #)eter, and I did attempt to $on$eal this liaison+ A' M" $ondu$t throughout this matter has 3een dishonora3le, and 3" it I ha.e fore.er forfeited the right to 3e $onsidered a gentleman' 7urthermore, I a$knowledge the right of the inCured part" to pro$eed against me sine die and without term or $ondition' 7urthermore, I a$knowledge that the inCured part" ma" make whatsoe.er use she desires of this do$ument' 7urthermore, m" signature hereto appended is gi.en of m" own free will, in full understanding of the $onditions herein, in full $onfession of m"
$ondu$t, and under no duress whatsoe.er, upon no prior or posterior $onsideration whatsoe.er and no right of redress, re3uttal, demurral or denial in an" parti$ular, now and hen$eforth under all the a3o.ementioned terms' 4!a.e "ou no $omment on itD5 4I fan$" that there must ha.e 3een a dispute o.er the drafting' >o law"er would happil" put in that si)th $lause' If it $ame to $ourt, one might well argue that no gentleman, howe.er foolish he had 3een, would make su$h an admission e)$ept under duress' A $ounsel $ould make quite a lot of that' It is reall" in our fa.or' I2m surprised Au3re" and Murph" ha.e allowed it' M" guess is that it is /apa2s $lause' !e wants "ou to eat hum3le pie'5 4It is .ile'5 !e looked for a moment as if he would tear it to pie$es' Montague gentl" took it from him' 4*he law is not $on$erned with truth, &harles' 1ou should know that 3" now'5 4And that Kma" make whatsoe.er use she desires28what in hea.en2s name does that meanD5 4It $ould mean that the do$ument is inserted in The Times. I seem to re$all something similar was done some "ears ago' ?ut I ha.e a feeling old 7reeman wants to keep this matter quiet' !e would ha.e had "ou in $ourt if he wanted to put "ou in the sto$ks'5 46o I must sign'5 4If "ou like I $an go 3a$k and argue for different phrases8 some form that would reser.e to "ou the right to plead e)tenuating $ir$umstan$es if it $ame to trial' ?ut I strongl" ad.ise against' *he .er" harshness of this as it stands would argue far 3etter for "ou' It pa"s us 3est to pa" their pri$e' *hen if needs 3e we $an argue the 3ill was a deu$ed sight too stiff'5 &harles nodded, and the" stood' 4*here2s one thing, !arr"' I wish I knew how #rnestina is' I $annot ask him'5 4I2ll see if I $an ha.e a word with old Au3re" afterwards' !e2s not su$h a 3ad old sti$k' !e has to pla" it up for /apa'5 6o the" returned+ and the admission was signed, first 3" &harles, then 3" ea$h of the others in turn' All remained standing' *here was a moment2s awkward silen$e' *hen at last Mr' 7reeman spoke' 4And now, "ou 3la$kguard, ne.er darken m" life again' I wish I were a "ounger man' If84 4M" dear Mr' 7reemanI5 ,ld Au3re"2s sharp .oi$e silen$ed his $lient' &harles hesitated, 3owed to
the two law"ers, then left followed 3" Montague' ?ut outside Montague said, 4:ait in the $arriage for me'5 A minute or two later he $lim3ed in 3eside &harles' 46he is as well as $an 3e e)pe$ted' *hose are his words' !e also ga.e me to understand what 7reeman intends to do if "ou go in for the marriage game again' &harles, he will show what "ou ha.e Cust signed to the ne)t father;in; law to 3e' !e means "ou to remain a 3a$helor all "our life'5 4I had guessed as mu$h'5 4,ld Au3re" also told me, 3" the wa", to whom "ou owe "our release on parole'5 4*o herD *hat too I had guessed'5 4!e would ha.e had his pound of flesh' ?ut the "oung lad" e.identl" rules that household'5 *he $arriage rolled on for a hundred "ards 3efore &harles spoke' 4I am defiled to the end of m" life'5 4M" dear &harles, if "ou pla" the Muslim in a world of /uritans, "ou $an e)pe$t no other treatment' I am as fond as the ne)t man of a prett" ankle' I don2t 3lame "ou' ?ut don2t tell me that the pri$e is not fairl" marked'5 *he $arriage rolled on' &harles stared gloomil" out at the sunn" street' 4I wish I were dead'5 4*hen let us go to Gerre"2s and demolish a lo3ster or two' And "ou shall tell me a3out the m"sterious Miss :oodruff 3efore "ou die'5 *hat humiliating inter.iew depressed &harles for da"s' !e wanted desperatel" to go a3road, ne.er to see #ngland again' !is $lu3, his a$quaintan$es, he $ould not fa$e them+ he ga.e stri$t instru$tions8he was at home to no one' !e threw himself into the sear$h for 6arah' ,ne da" the dete$ti.e offi$e turned up a Miss :ood3ur", newl" emplo"ed at a girls2 a$adem" in 6toke >ewington' 6he had au3urn hair, she seemed to fit the des$ription he had supplied' !e spent an agoni=ing hour one afternoon outside the s$hool' Miss :ood3ur" $ame out, at the head of a $ro$odile of "oung ladies' 6he 3ore onl" the faintest resem3lan$e to 6arah' 9une $ame, an e)$eptionall" fine one' &harles saw it out, 3ut towards the end of it he stopped sear$hing' *he dete$ti.e offi$e remained optimisti$, 3ut the" had their fees to $onsider' #)eter was sear$hed as (ondon had 3een+ a man was e.en sent to make dis$reet inquiries at ("me and &har;mouth+ and all in .ain' ,ne e.ening &harles asked Montague to ha.e dinner with him at the Hensington house, and frankl", misera3l", pla$ed himself in his hands' :hat should he doD Montague did not hesitate to tell him' !e should go a3road'
4?ut what $an her purpose ha.e 3eenD *o gi.e herself to me8and then to dismiss me as if I were nothing to her'5 4*he strong presumption8forgi.e me8is that that latter possi3ilit" is the truth' &ould not that do$tor ha.e 3een rightD Are "ou sure her moti.e was not one of .indi$ti.e destru$tionD *o ruin "our prospe$ts ''' to redu$e "ou to what "ou are, &harlesD5 4I $annot 3elie.e it'5 4?ut prima facie "ou must 3elie.e it'5 4?eneath all her stories and de$eptions she had a $andor ''' an honest"' /erhaps she has died' 6he has no mone"' >o famil"'5 4*hen let me send a $lerk to look at the Register of <eath'5 &harles took this sensi3le ad.i$e almost as if it were an insult' ?ut the ne)t da" he followed it+ and no 6arah :oodruff2s death was re$orded' !e dallied another week' *hen a3ruptl", one e.ening, he de$ided to go a3road'
57
#a$h for himself is still the rule :e learn it when we go to s$hool8 *he de.il take the hindmost, ,I 8A' !' &(,-0!, /oem (184J)
And now let us Cump twent" months' It is a 3risk earl" 7e3ruar" da" in the "ear 18AJ' 0ladstone has in the inter.al at last rea$hed >o' 1F <owning 6treet+ the last pu3li$ e)e$ution in #ngland has taken pla$e+ Mill2s *u Aection of =omen and 0irton &ollege are a3out to appear' *he *hames is its usual infamous mud;gra"' ?ut the sk" a3o.e is derisi.el" 3lue+ and looking up, one might 3e in 7loren$e' (ooking down, along the new em3ankment in &helsea, there are tra$es of snow on the ground' 1et there is also, if onl" in the sunlight, the first faint ghost of spring' 1 am ver ''' I am sure the "oung woman whom I should ha.e liked to show pushing a peram3ulator (3ut $an2t, sin$e the" do not $ome into
use for another de$ade) had ne.er heard of &atullus, nor would ha.e thought mu$h of all that going on a3out unhapp" lo.e e.en if she had' ?ut she knew the sentiment a3out spring' After all, she had Cust left the result of an earlier spring at home (a mile awa" to the west) and so 3lanketed and swaddled and swathed that it might Cust as well ha.e 3een a 3ul3 3eneath the ground' It is also $lear, triml" though she $ontri.es to dress, that like all good gardeners she prefers her 3ul3s planted en masse. *here is something in that idle slow walk of e)pe$tant mothers+ the least offensi.e arrogan$e in the world, though still an arrogan$e' *his idle and su3tl" proud "oung woman leans for a moment o.er the parapet and stares at the gra" e33' /ink $heeks, and super3 wheaten;lashed e"es, e"es that $on$ede a little in 3lueness to the sk" o.er her, 3ut nothing in 3rillian$e+ (ondon $ould ne.er ha.e 3red a thing so pure' 1et when she turns and sur.e"s the handsome row of 3ri$k houses, some new, some old, that front the ri.er a$ross the road it is .er" e.ident that she holds nothing against (ondon' And it is a fa$e without en.", as it takes in the well;to;do houses+ 3ut full of a nai.e happiness that su$h fine things e)ist' A hansom approa$hes, from the dire$tion of $entral (ondon' *he 3lue; gra" e"es wat$h it, in a wa" that suggests the wat$her still finds su$h 3anal elements of the (ondon s$ene fas$inating and strange' It draws to a stop outside a large house opposite' A woman emerges, steps down to the pa.e; ment, takes a $oin from her purse' *he mouth of the girl on the em3ankment falls open' A moment2s pallor atta$ks the pink, and then she flushes' *he $a33" tou$hes the 3rim of his hat with two fingers' !is fare walks qui$kl" towards the front door of the house 3ehind her' *he girl mo.es forward to the $ur3, half hiding 3ehind a tree trunk' *he woman opens the front door, disappears inside' 42*was Ker, 6am' I saw Ker $lear as84 4I $an2t hardl" 3elie.e it'5 ?ut he $ould+ indeed, some si)th or se.enth sense in him had almost e)pe$ted it' !e had looked up the old $ook, Mrs' Rogers, on his return to (ondon+ and re$ei.ed from her a detailed a$$ount of &harles2s final 3la$k weeks in Hensington' *hat was a long time ago now' ,utwardl" he had shared her disappro.al of their former master' ?ut inwardl" something had stirred+ 3eing a mat$hmaker is one thing' A mat$h;3reaker is something other' 6am and Mar" were staring at ea$h other8a dark wonderment in her e"es mat$hing a dark dou3t in his8in a front parlor that was minus$ule, "et not too 3adl" furnished' A 3right fire 3urned in the grate' And as the"
questioned ea$h other the door opened and a tin" maid, an unprepossessing girl of fourteen, $ame in $arr"ing the now partl" unswaddled infant8the last good $rop, I 3elie.e, e.er to $ome out of &arslake2s ?arn' 6am immediatel" took the 3undle in his arms and dandled it and $aused s$reams, a fairl" in.aria3le pro$edure when he returned from work' Mar" nastil" took the pre$ious 3urden and grinned at the foolish father, while the little waif 3" the door grinned in s"mpath" at 3oth' And now we $an see distin$tl" that Mar" is man" months gone with another $hild' 4:ell, m" lo.e, I2m hoff to partake of refreshment' 1ou put the supper on' KArrietD5 41es' sir' Read2in narf;n;nour, sir'5 4*here2s a good girl' M" lo.e'5 And as if nothing was on his mind, he kissed Mar" on the $heek, then ti$kled the 3a3"2s ri3s' !e did not look quite so happ" a man fi.e minutes later, when he sat in the sawdusted $orner of a near3" pu3li$ house, with a gin and hot water in front of him' !e $ertainl" had e.er. outward reason to 3e happ"' !e did not own his own shop, 3ut he had something nearl" as good' *he first 3a3" had 3een a girl, 3ut that was a small disappointment he felt $onfident would soon 3e remedied' 6am had pla"ed his $ards .er" right in ("me' Aunt *ranter had 3een a soft tou$h from the start' !e had thrown himself, with Mar"2s aid, on her mer$"' !ad he not lost all his prospe$ts 3" his 3ra.e gi.ing in of noti$eD :as it not gospel that Mr' &harles had promised him a loan, of four hundred (alwa"s ask a higher pri$e than "ou dare) to set him up in 3usinessD :hat 3usinessD 46ame as Mr' 7reeman2s, m2m, honl" in a .er", .er" Kum3le wa"'5 And he had pla"ed the 6arah $ard .er" well' 7or the first few da"s nothing would make him 3etra" his late master2s guilt" se$rets+ his lips were sealed' ?ut Mrs' *ranter was so kind8&olonel (o$ke at 9eri$ho !ouse was looking for a manser.ant, and 6am2s unemplo"ment was of a .er" short duration' 6o was his remaining 3a$helorhood+ and the $eremon" that $on$luded it was at the 3ride2s mistress2s e)pense' &learl" he had to make some return' (ike all lonel" old ladies Aunt *ranter was fore.er in sear$h of someone to adopt and help+ and she was not allowed to forget that 6am wanted to go into the ha3erdasher" line' *hus it was that one da", when sta"ing in (ondon with her sister, Mrs' *ranter .entured to 3roa$h the matter to her 3rother;in; law' At first he was in$lined to shake his head' ?ut then he was gentl" reminded how honora3l" the "oung ser.ant had 3eha.ed+ and he knew 3etter
than Mrs' *ranter to what good use 6am2s information had 3een and might still 3e put' 4Ger" well, Ann' I will see what there is' *here ma" 3e a .a$an$"'5 *hus 6am gained a footing, a .er" lowl" one, in the great store' ?ut it was enough' :hat defi$ien$ies he had in edu$ation he supplied with his natural sharpness' !is training as a ser.ant stood him in good stead in dealing with $ustomers' !e dressed e)$ellentl"' And one da" he did something 3etter' It was a splendid April morning some si) months after his married return to (ondon, and Cust nine 3efore the e.ening that saw him so un$hipper in his pla$e of refreshment' Mr' 7reeman had ele$ted to walk to his store from the !"de /ark house' !e passed at last along its serried windows and entered the store, the sign for a great springing, s$raping and 3owing on the part of his ground;floor staff' &ustomers were few at that earl" hour' !e raised his hat in his $ustomar" seigneurial wa", 3ut then to e.er"one2s astonishment promptl" turned and went out again' *he ner.ous superintendent of the floor stepped outside as well' !e saw the t"$oon standing in front of a window and staring at it' *he superintendent2s heart fell, 3ut he sidled up dis$reetl" 3ehind Mr' 7reeman' 4An e)periment, Mr' 7reeman' I will ha.e it remo.ed at on$e'5 *hree other men stopped 3eside them' Mr' 7reeman $ast them a qui$k look, then took the superintendent 3" the arm and led him a few steps awa"' 4>ow wat$h, Mr' 6impson'5 *he" stood there for some fi.e minutes' Again and again people passed the other windows and stopped at that one' 6ome, as Mr' 7reeman himself had done, took it in without noti$ing, then retra$ed their steps to look at it' I am afraid it will 3e an anti$lima) to des$ri3e it' ?ut "ou would ha.e had to see those other windows, monotonousl" $luttered and monotonousl" ti$keted, to appre$iate its distin$tion+ and "ou ha.e to remem3er that unlike our age, when the finest flower of mankind de.ote their li.es to the great god /u3li$it", the Gi$torians 3elie.ed in the a3surd notion that good wine needs no 3ush' *he 3a$k of the displa" was a simple draped $loth of dark purple' 7loating in front was a striking arra", suspended on thin wires, of gentlemen2s $ollars of e.er" $on$ei.a3le shape, si=e and st"le' ?ut the $unning in the thing was that the" were arranged to form words' And the" $ried, the" positi.el" 3ellowed 7R##MA>26 7,R &!,I&#' 4*hat, Mr' 6impson, is the 3est window dressing we ha.e done this "ear'5 4#)a$tl", Mr' 7reeman' Ger" 3old' Ger" e"e;$at$hing'5 4K7reeman2s for &hoi$e'2 *hat is pre$isel" what we offer8 wh" else do
we $arr" su$h a large sto$kD K7reeman2s for &hoi$e28e)$ellentI I want that phrase in all our $ir$ulars and ad.ertisements from now on'5 !e mar$hed 3a$k towards the entran$e' *he superintendent smiled' 4:e owe this to "ou in great part, Mr' 7reeman, sir' *hat "oung man8 Mr' 7arrowD8"ou remem3er "ou took a personal interest in his $oming to usD5 Mr' 7reeman stopped' 47arrow8his first name is 6amD5 4I 3elie.e so, sir'5 4?ring him to me'5 4!e $ame in at fi.e o2$lo$k, sir, espe$iall" to do it'5 *hus 6am was at last 3rought 3ashfull" fa$e to fa$e with the great man' 4#)$ellent work, 7arrow'5 6am 3owed deep' 4It was m" hutmost pleasure to do it, sir'5 4!ow mu$h are we pa"ing 7arrow, Mr' 6impsonD5 4*went";fi.e shillings, sir'5 4*went";se.en and si)pen$e'5 And he walked on 3efore 6am $ould e)press his gratitude' ?etter was to $ome, for an en.elope was handed to him when he went to $olle$t his mone" at the end of the week' In it were three so.ereigns and a $ard sa"ing, 4?onus for =eal and in.ention'5 >ow, onl" nine months later, his salar" had risen to the gidd" heights of thirt";two and si)pen$e+ and he had a strong suspi$ion, sin$e he had 3e$ome an indispensa3le mem3er of the window;dressing staff, that an" time he asked for a rise he would get it' 6am 3ought himself another and e)traordinar" supplement of gin and returned to his seat' *he unhapp" thing a3out him8a defe$t that his modern des$endants in the pu3li$it" game ha.e managed to get free of8was that he had a $ons$ien$e ''' or perhaps he had simpl" a feeling of unCustified happiness and good lu$k' *he 7aust m"th is ar$het"pal in $i.ili=ed man+ ne.er mind that 6am2s $i.ili=ation had not taught him enough e.en to know who 7aust was, he was suffi$ientl" sophisti$ated to ha.e heard of pa$ts with the <e.il and of the $ourse the" took' ,ne did .er" well for a while, 3ut one da" the <e.il would $laim his own' 7ortune is a hard taskmaster+ it stimulates the imagination into foreseeing its loss, and in stri$t relation, .er" often, to its kindness' And it worried him, too, that he had ne.er told Mar" of what he had done' *here were no other se$rets 3etween them+ and he trusted her Cudgment' #.er" now and again his old longing to 3e his own master in his own shop would $ome 3a$k to him+ was there not now proof of his natural
aptitudeD ?ut it was Mar", with her sound rural sense of the 3est field to pla", who gentl"8and on$e or twi$e, not so gentl"8 sent him 3a$k to his ,)ford 6treet grindstone' #.en if it was hardl" "et refle$ted in their a$$ents and use of the language, these two were rising in the world+ and knew it' *o Mar", it was all like a dream' *o 3e married to a man earning o.er thirt" shillings a weekI :hen her own father, the $arter, had ne.er risen a3o.e tenI *o li.e in a house that $ost W1J a "ear to rentI And, most mar.elous of all, to ha.e re$entl" 3een a3le to inter.iew ele.en lesser mortals for a post one had, onl" two "ears 3efore, o$$upied oneselfI :h" ele.enD Mar", I am afraid, thought a large part of pla"ing the mistress was 3eing hard to please8a falla$" in whi$h she $opied the nie$e rather than the aunt' ?ut then she also followed a pro$edure not unknown among "oung wi.es with good;looking "oung hus3ands' !er sele$tion of a ski.." had 3een 3ased .er" little on intelligen$e and effi$ien$"+ and .er" mu$h on total unattra$ti.eness' 6he told 6am she finall" offered !arriet the si) pounds a "ear 3e$ause she felt sorr" for her+ it was not quite a lie' :hen he returned home to his mutton stew, that e.ening of the dou3le ration of gin, he put his arm round the swollen waist and kissed its owner+ then looked down at the flower mosai$ 3roo$h she wore 3etween her 3reasts 8alwa"s wore at home and alwa"s took off when she went out, in $ase some thief garrotted her for it' 42,w2s the old pearl and $oral thenD5 6he smiled and held it up a little' 4!app" to know Kee, 6am'5 And the" sta"ed there, staring down at the em3lem of their good fortune+ alwa"s deser.ed, in her $ase+ and now finall" to 3e paid for, in his'
58
I sought and sought' ?ut , her soul !as not sin$e thrown -pon m" own ,ne 3eamI 1es, she is gone, is gone'
8!AR<1, 4At a 6easide *own in 18AJ5
And what of &harlesD I pit" an" dete$ti.e who would ha.e had to dog him through those twent" months' Almost e.er" $it" in #urope saw him, 3ut rarel" for long' *he p"ramids had seen him+ and so had the !ol" (and' !e saw a thousand sights, and sites, for he spent time also in 0ree$e and 6i$il", 3ut unseeingl"+ the" were no more than the thin wall that stood 3etween him and nothingness, an ultimate .a$uit", a total purposelessness' :here.er he stopped more than a few da"s, an intolera3le letharg" and melan$holia $ame upon him' !e 3e$ame as dependent on tra.eling as an addi$t on his opium' -suall" he tra.eled alone, at most with some dragoman or $ourier;.alet of the $ountr" he was in' Ger" o$$asionall" he took up with other tra.elers and endured their $ompan" for a few da"s+ 3ut the" were almost alwa"s 7ren$h or 0erman gentlemen' *he #nglish he a.oided like the plague+ a whole host of friendl" fellow $ountr"men re$ei.ed a dren$h of the same free=ing reser.e when the" approa$hed him' /aleontolog", now too emotionall" $onne$ted with the e.ents of that fatal spring, no longer interested him' :hen he had $losed down the Hensington house, he had allowed the 0eologi$al Museum to take the pi$k of his $olle$tion+ the rest he had gi.en to students' !is furniture had 3een stored+ Montague was told to offer the lease of the ?elgra.ia house anew when it fell in' &harles would ne.er li.e in it' !e read mu$h, and kept a Cournal of his tra.els+ 3ut it was an e)terior thing, a3out pla$es and in$idents, not a3out his own mind8a mere wa" of filling time in the long e.enings in deserted khans and al erghi. !is onl" attempt to e)press his deeper self was in the wa" of .erse, for he dis$o.ered in *enn"son a greatness $ompara3le with that of <arwin in his field' *he greatness he found was, to 3e sure, not the greatness the age saw in the /oet (aureate' 2aud- a poem then almost uni.ersall" despised8$onsidered quite unworth" of the master83e$ame &harles2s fa.orite+ he must ha.e read it a do=en times, and parts of it a hundred' It was the one 3ook he $arried $onstantl" with him' !is own .erse was fee3le in $omparison+ he would rather ha.e died than show it to an"one else' ?ut here is one 3rief spe$imen Cust to show how he saw himself during his e)ile' ,h $ruel seas I $ross, and mountains harsh, , hundred $ities of an alien tongue, *o me no more than some a$$ursed marsh Are all "our happ" s$enes I pass among'
:here e2er I go I ask of life the same+ :hat dro.e me hereD And now what dri.es me hen$eD >o more is it at 3est than flight from shame, At worst an iron law2s mere $onsequen$eD And to get the taste of that from "our mouth, let me quote a far greater poem8one he $ommitted to heart, and one thing he and I could ha.e agreed on perhaps the no3lest short poem of the whole Gi$torian era' 1es+ in the sea of life enisl2d, :ith e$hoing straits 3etween us thrown, <otting the shoreless water" wild, :e mortal millions li.e alone. *he islands feel the en$lasping flow, And then their endless 3ounds the" know' ?ut when the moon their hollows lights And the" are swept 3" 3alms of spring, And in their glens, on starr" nights' *he nightingales di.inel" sing+ And lo.el" notes, from shore to shore, A$ross the sounds and $hannels pour, ,h then a longing like despair Is to their farthest $a.erns sent+ 7or surel" on$e, the" feel, we were /arts of a single $ontinent' >ow round us spreads the water" plain8 ,h might our marges meet againI :ho order2d, that their longing2s fire 6hould 3e, as soon as kindled, $ool2dD :ho renders .ain their deep desireD8 A 0od, a 0od their se.eran$e ruled+ And 3ade 3etwi)t their shores to 3e *he unplum32d, salt, estranging sea'M
NMMatthew Arnold, 4*o Marguerite5 (18EP)'O
1et through all this self;riddling gloom &harles somehow ne.er entertained thoughts of sui$ide' :hen he had had his great .ision of himself freed from his age, his an$estr" and $lass and $ountr", he had not reali=ed how mu$h the freedom was em3odied in 6arah+ in the assumption of a shared e)ile' !e no longer mu$h 3elie.ed in that freedom+ he felt he had merel" $hanged traps, or prisons' ?ut "et there was something in his
isolation that he $ould $ling to+ he was the out$ast, the not like other men, the result of a de$ision few $ould ha.e taken, no matter whether it was ultimatel" foolish or wise' 7rom time to time the sight of some newl" wed $ouple would remind him of #rnestina' !e would sear$h his soul then' <id he en." them or pit" themD !e found that there at least he had few regrets' !owe.er 3itter his destin", it was no3ler than that one he had reCe$ted' *hese #uropean and Mediterranean tra.els lasted some fifteen months, during whi$h he not on$e returned to #ngland' !e $orresponded intimatel" with no one+ most of his few letters were addressed to Montague, and dealt with 3usiness, instru$tions where ne)t to send mone" and the rest' Montague had 3een empowered to pla$e from time to time ad.ertisements in the (ondon newspapers 4:ould 6arah #mil" :oodruff or an"one knowing her present domi$ile '''5 3ut there was ne.er an answer' 6ir Ro3ert had taken the news of the 3roken engagement 3adl" when it first $ame to him, 3" letter+ 3ut then, under the hone"ed influen$e of his own imminent happiness, he had shrugged it off' &harles was "oung, damn it, he would find as good, a great deal 3etter, a girl somewhere else+ and he had at least spared 6ir Ro3ert the em3arrassment of the 7reeman $onne$tion' *he nephew went on$e, 3efore he left #ngland, to pa" his respe$ts to Mrs' ?ella *omkins+ he did not like the lad", and felt sorr" for his un$le' !e then de$lined the renewed offer of the (ittle !ouse+ and did not speak of 6arah' !e had promised to return to attend the wedding+ 3ut that promise was easil" 3roken 3" the in.ention of a dose of malaria' *wins did not $ome, as he had imagined, 3ut a son and heir dul" made his appearan$e in the thirteenth month of his e)ile' ?" that time he was too well inured to his fatalit" to feel mu$h more, after the letter of $ongratulation was sent, than a determination ne.er to set foot in :ins"att again' If he did not remain quite $eli3ate te$hni$all"8it was well known among the 3etter hotels of #urope that #nglish gentlemen went a3road to mis3eha.e themsel.es, and opportunities were frequent8he remained so emotionall"' !e performed (or deformed) the a$t with a kind of mute $"ni$ism, rather as he stared at an$ient 0reek temples or ate his meals' It was mere h"giene' (o.e had left the world' 6ometimes, in some $athedral or art galler", he would for a moment dream 6arah 3eside him' After su$h moments he might ha.e 3een seen to draw himself up and take a deep 3reath' It was not onl" that he for3ade himself the lu)ur" of a .ain nostalgia+ he 3e$ame in$reasingl" unsure of the frontier 3etween the real 6arah and the 6arah he had $reated in so man" su$h dreams the one #.e personified, all m"ster" and lo.e and profundit", and the other a half;s$heming, half;$ra=ed go.erness from an o3s$ure seaside town' !e e.en saw himself $oming upon
her again8and seeing nothing in her 3ut his own foll" and delusion' !e did not $an$el the insertion of the ad.ertisements+ 3ut he 3egan to think it as well that the" might ne.er 3e answered' !is greatest enem" was 3oredom+ and it was 3oredom, to 3e pre$ise an e.ening in /aris when he reali=ed that he neither wanted to 3e in /aris nor to tra.el again to Ital", or 6pain, or an"where else in #urope, that finall" dro.e him home' 1ou must think I mean #ngland+ 3ut I don2t that $ould ne.er 3e$ome home for &harles again, though that is where he went for a week, when he left /aris' It had so happened that on his wa" from (eghorn to /aris he had tra.eled in the $ompan" of two Ameri$ans, an elderl" gentleman and his nephew' *he" hailed from /hiladelphia' /erhaps it was the pleasure of $on.ersing with someone in a not too alien tongue, 3ut &harles rather fell for them+ their unsophisti$ated pleasure in their sightseeing8he guided them himself round A.ignon and took them to admire Ge=ela"8was a3surd, to 3e sure' 1et it was a$$ompanied 3" a la$k of $ant' *he" were not at all the stupid 1ankees the Gi$torian ?ritish liked to suppose were uni.ersal in the 6tates' *heir inferiorit" was stri$tl" limited to their inno$en$e of #urope' *he elder /hiladelphian was indeed a well;read man, and a shrewd Cudge of life' ,ne e.ening after dinner he and &harles had engaged, with the nephew as audien$e, on a length" dis$ussion as to the respe$ti.e merits of the mother $ountr" and the re3ellious $olon"+ and the Ameri$an2s $riti$isms, though politel" phrased, of #ngland awoke a .er" responsi.e $hord in &harles' !e dete$ted, under the Ameri$an a$$ent, .er" similar .iews to his own+ and he e.en glimpsed, though .er" diml" and onl" 3" .irtue of a <arwinian analog", that one da" Ameri$a might supersede the older spe$ies' I do not mean, of $ourse, that he thought of emigrating there, though thousands of a poorer #nglish $lass were doing that e.er" "ear' *he &anaan the" saw a$ross the Atlanti$ (en$ouraged 3" some of the most disgra$eful lies in the histor" of ad.ertising) was not the &anaan he dreamed a land inha3ited 3" a so3erer, simpler kind of gentleman8Cust like this /hiladel; phian and his pleasantl" attenti.e nephew8li.ing in a simpler so$iet"' It had 3een put .er" $on$isel" to him 3" the un$le 4In general 3a$k home we sa" what we think' M" impression of (ondon was8forgi.e me, Mr' 6mithson8hea.en help "ou if "ou don.t sa" what "ou don.t think'5 >or was that all' &harles put the idea up to Montague o.er a dinner in (ondon' As to Ameri$a, Montague was lukewarm' 4I $an2t imagine that there are man" speaka3les per a$re there, &harles' 1ou $an2t offer "ourself as the repositor" of the riffraff of #urope and $ondu$t a $i.ili=ed so$iet", all at the same time' *hough I daresa" some of
the older $ities are agreea3le enough, in their wa"'5 !e sipped his port' 41et there, 3" the 3"e, is where she ma" 3e' I suppose that must ha.e o$$urred to "ou' I hear these $heap;passage pa$kets are full of "oung women in pursuit of a hus3and'5 !e added hastil", 4>ot that that would 3e her reason, of $ourse'5 4I had not thought of it' *o tell "ou the truth, I ha.en2t thought .er" mu$h of her at all, these last months' I ha.e gi.en up hope'5 4*hen go to Ameri$a, and drown "our sorrows on the 3osom of some $harming /o$ahontas' I hear a well;3orn #nglish gentleman $an ha.e his pi$k of some .er" 3eautiful "oung women8pour la dot comme pour la figure8if he so in$lines'5 &harles smiled whether at the idea of the dou3l" 3eautiful "oung women or at the knowledge, not "et imparted to Montague, that his passage was alread" 3ooked, must 3e left to the imagination'
59
:ear" of m"self, and si$k of asking :hat I am, and what I ought to 3e, At the .essel2s prow I stand, whi$h 3ears me 7orwards, forwards, o2er the starlit sea' 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 46elf;<ependen$e5 (18E4)
!e did not ha.e a happ" passage from (i.erpool' !e spoke frequentl" to the storm;3asin+ and when he was not 3eing si$k, spent most of his time wondering wh" he had e.er em3arked for the primiti.e other side of the world' /erhaps it was Cust as well' !e had 3egun to en.isage ?oston as a misera3le assem3l" of log $a3ins8and the realit", one sunlit morning, of a $it" of mellow 3ri$k and white wooden spires, with that one opulentl" gold dome, $ame as a pleasant reassuran$e' >or did ?oston 3elie its first appearan$e' 9ust as he had fallen for his /hiladelphians, he fell for the mi)ed gra$iousness and $andor of ?oston so$iet"' !e was not e)a$tl" feted+ 3ut within a week of his arri.al the two or three introdu$tions he had 3rought with him had multiplied into open in.itations to se.eral houses' !e was
in.ited to use the Athenaeum, he had shaken hands with a senator, no less+ and with the wrinkled $law of one e.en greater, if less he$toringl" loqua$ious8the elder <ana, a 7ounding 7ather of Ameri$an letters, and then in his eightieth "ear' A far more famous writer still, whom one might ha.e not .er" interestedl" $hatted to if one had $han$ed to gain entr" to the (owell $ir$le in &am3ridge, and who was himself on the earl" threshold of a de$ision pre$isel" the opposite in its moti.es and predispositions, a ship, as it were, straining at its moorings in a $ontrar" $urrent and arming for its sinuous and lo)odromi$ .o"age to the ri$her though silted har3or of R"e (3ut I must not ape the master), &harles did not meet' #.en though he dutifull" paid his respe$ts to the &radle of (i3ert" in 7aneuil !all, he en$ountered also a $ertain amount of hostilit", for ?ritain was not forgi.en its re$ent de.ious part in the &i.il :ar, and there e)isted a stereot"pe of 9ohn ?ull Cust as grossl" o.ersimplified as that of -n$le 6am' ?ut &harles quite plainl" did not fit that stereot"pe+ he pro$laimed that he saw .er" well the Custi$e of the :ar of Independen$e, he admired ?oston as the $enter of Ameri$an learning, of the Anti;6la.er" Mo.ement, and $ountless other things' !e let himself be ri33ed a3out tea parties and red; $oats with a smiling sang;froid, and took .er" great $are not to $ondes$end' I think two things pleased him 3est8the deli$ious newness of the nature new plants, new trees, new 3irds8and, as he dis$o.ered when he $rossed the ri.er of his name and .isited !ar.ard, some entran$ing new fossils' And the other pleasure la" in the Ameri$ans themsel.es' At first, perhaps, he noti$ed a $ertain la$k of the finer shades of iron"+ and he had to surmount one or two em3arrassing contretemps when humorousl" intended remarks were taken at fa$e .alue' ?ut there were su$h $ompensations ''' a frankness, a dire$tness of approa$h, a $harming $uriosit" that a$$ompanied the open hospitalit" a nai.et", perhaps, "et with a fa$e that seemed delightfull" fresh; $omple)ioned after the farded $ulture of #urope' *his fa$e took, .er" soon, a distin$tl" female $ast' 1oung Ameri$an women were far more freel" spoken than their #uropean $ontemporaries+ the transatlanti$ eman$ipation mo.ement was alread" twent" "ears old' &harles found their forwardness .er" attra$ti.e' *he attra$tion was re$ipro$ated, sin$e in ?oston at an" rate a superiorit" in the more feminine aspe$ts of so$ial taste was still readil" $on$eded to (ondon' !e might, perhaps, .er" soon ha.e lost his heart+ 3ut there tra.eled with him alwa"s the memor" of that dreadful do$ument Mr' 7reeman had e)torted' It stood 3etween him and e.er" inno$ent girl2s fa$e he saw+ onl" one fa$e $ould forgi.e and e)or$i=e it' ?esides, in so man" of these Ameri$an fa$es he saw a shadow of 6arah
the" had something of her $hallenge, her dire$tness' In a wa" the" re.i.ed his old image of her she had 3een a remarka3le woman, and she would ha.e 3een at home here' In fa$t, he thought more and more of Montague2s suggestion perhaps she was at home here' !e had spent the pre.ious fifteen months in $ountries where the national differen$es in look and $ostume .er" seldom re.i.ed memor" of her' !ere he was among a womanhood of largel" Anglo;6a)on and Irish sto$k' A do=en times, in his first da"s, he was 3rought to a stop 3" a $ertain shade of au3urn hair, a free wa" of walking, a figure' ,n$e, as he made his wa" to the Athenaeum a$ross the &ommon, he saw a girl ahead of him on an o3lique path' !e strode a$ross the grass, he was so sure' ?ut she was not 6arah' And he had to stammer an apolog"' !e went on his wa" shaken, so intense in those few moments had 3een his e)$itement' *he ne)t da" he ad.ertised in a ?oston newspaper' :here.er he went after that he ad.ertised' *he first snow fell, and &harles mo.ed south' !e .isited Manhattan, and liked it less than ?oston' *hen spent a .er" agreea3le fortnight with his 7ran$e;met friends in their $it"+ the famous later Coke (47irst pri=e, one week in /hiladelphia+ se$ond pri=e, two weeks5) he would not ha.e found Cust' 7rom there he drifted south+ so ?altimore saw him, and :ashington, Ri$hmond and Raleigh, and a $onstant delight of new nature, new $limate new meteorologi$al $limate, that is, for the politi$al $limate8we are now in the <e$em3er of 18A88was the .er" re.erse of delightful' &harles found himself in de.astated towns and among .er" 3itter men, the .i$tims of Re$onstru$tion+ with a disastrous president, Andrew 9ohnson, a3out to gi.e wa" to a $atastrophi$ one, -l"sses 6' 0rant' !e found he had to grow ?ritish again in Girginia, though 3" an iron" he did not appre$iate, the an$estors of the gentlemen he $on.ersed with there and in the &arolinas were almost alone in the $olonial upper $lasses of 1BBE in supporting the Re.olution+ he e.en heard wild talk of a new se$ession and reunifi$ation with ?ritain' ?ut he passed diplomati$all" and uns$athed through all these trou3les, not full" understanding what was going on, 3ut sensing the strange .astness and frustrated energ" of this split nation' !is feelings were perhaps not .er" different from an #nglishman in the -nited 6tates of toda" so mu$h that repelled, so mu$h that was good+ so mu$h $hi$aner", so mu$h honest"+ so mu$h 3rutalit" and .iolen$e, so mu$h $on$ern and stri.ing for a 3etter so$iet"' !e passed the month of 9anuar" in 3attered &harleston+ and now for the first time he 3egan to wonder whether he was tra.eling or emigrating' !e noti$ed that $ertain Ameri$an turns of
phrase and infle$tions were $reeping into his spee$h+ he found himself taking sides8 or more pre$isel", 3eing split rather like Ameri$a itself, sin$e he 3oth thought it right to a3olish sla.er" and s"mpathi=ed with the anger of the 6outherners who knew onl" too well what the $arpet3aggers2 soli$itude for >egro eman$ipation was reall" a3out' !e found himself at home among the sweet 3elles and ran$orous $aptains and $olonels, 3ut then remem3ered ?oston8pinker $heeks and whiter souls ''' more /uritan souls, an"wa"' !e saw himself happier there, in the final anal"sis+ and as if to pro.e it 3" parado) set off to go farther south' !e was no longer 3ored' :hat the e)perien$e of Ameri$a, perhaps in parti$ular the Ameri$a of that time, had gi.en him8or gi.en him 3a$k8 was a kind of faith in freedom+ the determination he saw around him, howe.er unhapp" its immediate $onsequen$es, to master a national destin" had a li3erating rather than a depressing effe$t' !e 3egan to see the often risi3le pro.in$ialit" of his hosts as a $ondition of their la$k of h"po$ris"' #.en the onl" too a3undant e.iden$e of a restless dissatisfa$tion, a tenden$" to take the law into one2s own hands8a pro$ess whi$h alwa"s turns the Cudge into the e)e$utioner8in short, the endemi$ .iolen$e $aused 3" a 0i erte;3esotted $onstitution, found some Custifi$ation in &harles2s e"es' A spirit of anar$h" was all o.er the 6outh+ and "et e.en that seemed to him prefera3le to the rigid iron rule of his own $ountr"' ?ut he said all this for himself' ,ne $alm e.ening, while still at &harleston, he $han$ed to find himself on a promontor" fa$ing towards #urope three thousand miles awa"' !e wrote a poem there+ a 3etter, a little 3etter than the last of his "ou read' &ame the" to seek some greater truth *han Al3ion2s hoar" lo$ks allowD (ies there a question in their "outh :e ha.e not dared to ask ere nowD I stand, a stranger in their $lime, 1et $ommon to their minds and ends+ Methinks in them I see a time *o whi$h a happier man as$ends And there shall all his 3rothers 3e8 A /aradise wrought upon these ro$ks ,f hate and .ile inequit"' :hat matter if the mother mo$ks *he infant $hild2s first fee3le handsD :hat matter if toda" he fail /ro.ided that at last he stands
And 3reaks the 3lind maternal paleD 7or he shall one da" walk in pride *he .ast $alm indigoes of this land And eastward turn, and 3less the tide *hat 3rought him to the sa.ing strand' And there, amid the iam3i$ slog;and;smog and rhetori$al question marks, and the reall" not too 3ad 4.ast $alm indigoes,5 let us lea.e &harles for a paragraph' It was nearl" three months after Mar" had told her news8 the .er" end of April' ?ut in that inter.al 7ortune had put 6am further in her de3t 3" gi.ing him the male se$ond edition he so mu$h wanted' It was a 6unda", an e.ening full of green;gold 3uds and $hur$h 3ells, with little $hinkings and $latterings downstairs that showed his newl" risen "oung wife and her help were preparing his supper+ and with one $hild struggling to stand at the knees on whi$h the three;weeks;old 3rother la", dark little s$rewed;up e"es that alread" delighted 6am (46harp as ra=ors, the little monke"5), it happened something in those e"es did $ut 6am2s not a3solutel" ?ostonian soul' *wo da"s later &harles, 3" then peregrinated to >ew ,rleans, $ame from a promenade in the Gieu) &arre into his hotel' *he $lerk handed him a $a3le' It said 6!# I6 7,-><' (,><,>' M,>*A0-#' &harles read the words and turned awa"' After so long, so mu$h 3etween ''' he stared without seeing out into the 3us" street' 7rom nowhere, no emotional $orrelati.e, he felt his e"es smart with tears' !e mo.ed outside, onto the por$h of the hotel, and there lit himself a stogie' A minute or two later he returned to the desk' 4*he ne)t ship to #urope8$an "ou tell me when she sailsD5
60
(alage2s $ome+ a"e
&ome is she now, ,I 8!AR<1, 4*iming !er5
!e dismissed the $a3 at the 3ridge' It was the .er" last da" of Ma", warm, affluent, the fronts of houses em3owered in trees, the sk" half 3lue, half flee$ed with white $louds' *he shadow of one fell for a minute a$ross &helsea, though the warehouses a$ross the ri.er still stood in sunlight' Montague had known nothing' *he information had $ome through the post+ a sheet of paper $ontaining nothing 3e"ond the name and address' 6tanding 3" the soli$itor2s desk, &harles re$alled the pre.ious address he had re$ei.ed from 6arah+ 3ut this was in a stiff $opperplate' ,nl" in the 3re.it" $ould he see her' Montague had, at &harles2s $a3led $ommand, a$ted with great $are' >o approa$h was to 3e made to her, no alarm8 no opportunit" for further flight 8gi.en' A $lerk pla"ed dete$ti.e, with the same des$ription gi.en to the real dete$ti.es in his po$ket' !e reported that a "oung lad" $onforming to the parti$ulars was indeed apparentl" residing at the address+ that the person in question went under the name of Mrs' Roughwood' *he ingenuous transposition of s"lla3les remo.ed an" lingering dou3t as to the a$$ura$" of the information+ and remo.ed, after the first momentar" sho$k, the impli$ations of the married tide' 6u$h stratagems were quite $ommon with single women in (ondon+ and pro.ed the opposite of what was implied' 6arah had not married' 4I see it was posted in (ondon' 1ou ha.e no idea '''5 4It was sent here, so plainl" it $omes from someone who knows of our ad.ertisements' It was addressed personall" to "ou, so the someone knows whom we were a$ting for, "et appears uninterested in the reward we offered' *hat seems to suggest the "oung lad" herself'5 4?ut wh" should she dela" so long to re.eal herselfD And 3esides, this is not her hand'5 Montague silentl" $onfessed himself at a loss' 41our $lerk o3tained no further informationD5 4!e followed instru$tions, &harles' I for3ade him to make inquiries' ?" $han$e he was within hearing in the street when a neigh3or wished her good morning' *hat is how we ha.e the name'5 4And the houseD5 4A respe$ta3le famil" residen$e' *he" are his .er" words'5 46he is presuma3l" go.erness there'5 4*hat seems .er" likel"'5 &harles had turned then to the window, whi$h was Cust as well+ for the
wa" Montague had looked at his 3a$k suggested a $ertain la$k of frankness' !e had for3idden the $lerk to ask questions+ 3ut he had not for3idden himself to question the $lerk' 41ou intend to see herD5 4M" dear !arr", I ha.e not $rossed the Atlanti$ '''5 &harles smiled in apolog" for his e)asperated tone' 4I know what "ou would ask' I $an2t answer' 7orgi.e me, this matter is too personal' And the truth is, I don2t know what I feel' I think I shall not know till I see her again' All I do know is that ' ' ' she $ontinues to haunt me' *hat I must speak to her, I must' '' "ou understand'5 41ou must question the 6phin)'5 4If "ou $are to put it so'5 4As long as "ou 3ear in mind what happened to those who failed to sol.e the enigma'5 &harles made a rueful grima$e' 4If silen$e or death is the alternati.e8 then "ou had 3etter prepare the funeral oration'5 4I somehow suspe$t that that will not 3e needed'5 *he" had smiled' ?ut he was not smiling now, as he approa$hed the 6phin)2s house' !e knew nothing of the area+ he had a notion that it was a kind of inferior su3stitute for 0reenwi$h8a pla$e where retired na.al offi$ers finished their da"s' *he Gi$torian *hames was a far fouler ri.er than toda"2s, e.er" one of its tides hideousl" awash with sewage' ,n one o$$asion the sten$h was so insupporta3le that it dro.e the !ouse of (ords out of their $ham3er+ the $holera was 3lamed on it+ and a ri.erside house was far from ha.ing the so$ial $a$het it has in our own deodori=ed $entur"' 7or all that, &harles $ould see that the houses were quite handsome+ per.erse though their inha3itants must 3e in their $hoi$e of en.ironment, the" were plainl" not dri.en there 3" po.ert"' At last, and with an inner trem3ling, a sense of pallor, a sense too of indignit"8his new Ameri$an self had 3een swept awa" 3efore the massi.e, ingrained past and he was em3arrassedl" $ons$ious of 3eing a gentleman a3out to $all on a superior form of ser.ant8he $ame to the fatal gate' It was of wrought iron, and opened onto a path that led 3riefl" to a tall house of 3ri$k8though most of that was hidden to the roof 3" a lu)uriant 3lanket of wisteria, Cust now 3eginning to open its first pale;3lue pendants of 3loom' !e raised the 3rass kno$ker and tapped it twi$e+ waited some twent" se$onds, and kno$ked again' *his time the door was opened' A maid stood 3efore him' !e glimpsed a wide hall 3ehind her8man" paintings, so man" the pla$e seemed more an art galler"'
4I wish to speak to a Mrs'''' Roughwood' I 3elie.e she resides here'5 *he maid was a slim "oung $reature, wide;e"ed, and without the $ustomar" la$e $ap' In fa$t, had she not worn an apron, he would not ha.e known how to address her' 41our name, if "ou pleaseD5 !e noted the a3sen$e of the 4sir5+ perhaps she was not a maid+ her a$$ent was far superior to a maid2s' !e handed her his $ard' 4/ra" tell her I ha.e $ome a long wa" to see her'5 6he unashamedl" read the $ard' 6he was not a maid' 6he seemed to hesitate' ?ut then there was a sound at the dark far end of the hall' A man some si) or se.en "ears older than &harles stood in a doorwa"' *he girl turned gratefull" to him' 4*his gentleman wishes to see 6arah'5 41esD5 !e held a pen in his hand' &harles remo.ed his hat and spoke from the threshold' 4If "ou would 3e so good ''' a pri.ate matter ''' I knew her well 3efore she $ame to (ondon'5 *here was something slightl" distasteful in the man2s intent though .er" 3rief appraisal of &harles+ a faintl" 9ewish air a3out him, a $ertain $areless ostentation in the $lothes+ a tou$h of the "oung <israeli' *he man glan$ed at the girl' 46he is ''' D5 4I think the" talk' *hat is all'5 4*he"5 were apparentl" her $harges the $hildren' 4*hen take him up, m" dear' 6ir'5 :ith a little 3ow he disappeared as a3ruptl" as he had appeared' *he girl indi$ated that &harles should follow her' !e was left to $lose the door for himself' As she 3egan to mount the stairs he had time to glan$e at the $rowded paintings and drawings' !e was suffi$ientl" knowledgea3le a3out modern art to re$ogni=e the s$hool to whi$h most of them 3elonged+ and indeed, the $ele3rated, the notorious artist whose monogram was to 3e seen on se.eral of them' *he furore he had $aused some twent" "ears 3efore had now died down+ what had then 3een seen as fit onl" for 3urning now $ommanded a pri$e' *he gentleman with the pen was a $olle$tor of art+ of somewhat suspe$t art+ 3ut he was no less e.identl" a man of some wealth' &harles followed the girl2s slender 3a$k up a flight of stairs+ still more paintings, and still with a predominan$e of the suspe$t s$hool' ?ut he was 3" now too an)ious to gi.e them an" attention' As the" em3arked on a se$ond flight of stairs he .entured a question'
4Mrs' Roughwood is emplo"ed here as go.ernessD5 *he girl stopped in midstair and looked 3a$k an amused surprise' *hen her e"es fell' 46he is no longer a go.erness'5 !er e"es $ame up to his for a moment' *hen she mo.ed on her wa"' *he" $ame to a se$ond landing' !is si3"lline guide turned at a door' 4Hindl" wait here'5 6he entered the room, lea.ing the door aCar' 7rom outside &harles had a glimpse of an open window, a la$e $urtain 3lowing 3a$k lightl" in the summer air, a shimmer, through inter.ening lea.es, of the ri.er 3e"ond' *here was a low murmur of .oi$es' !e shifted his position, to see 3etter into the room' >ow he saw two men, two gentlemen' *he" were standing 3efore a painting on an easel, whi$h was set o3liquel" to the window, to 3enefit from its light' *he taller of the two 3ent to e)amine some detail, there3" re.ealing the other who stood 3ehind him' ?" $han$e he looked straight through the door and into &harles2s e"es' !e made the faintest in$lination, then glan$ed at someone on the hidden other side of the room' &harles stood stunned' 7or this was a fa$e he knew+ a fa$e he had e.en on$e listened to for an hour or more, with #rnestina 3eside him' It was impossi3le, "et ''' and the man downstairsI *hose paintings and drawingsI !e turned hastil" awa" and looked, a man woken into, not out of, a nightmare, through a tall window at the rear end of the landing to a green 3a$k;garden 3elow' !e saw nothing+ 3ut onl" the foll" of his own assumption that fallen women must $ontinue falling8for had he not $ome to arrest the law of gra.it"D !e was as shaken as a man who suddenl" finds the world around him standing on its head' A sound' !e flashed a look round' 6he stood there against the door she had Cust $losed, her hand on its 3rass kno3, in the a3rupt loss of sunlight, diffi$ult to see $learl"' And her dressI It was so different that he thought for a moment she was someone else' !e had alwa"s seen her in his mind in the former $lothes, a haunted fa$e rising from a widowed darkness' ?ut this was someone in the full uniform of the >ew :oman, flagrantl" reCe$ting all formal $ontem; porar" notions of female fashion' !er skirt was of a ri$h dark 3lue and held at the waist 3" a $rimson 3elt with a gilt star $lasp+ whi$h also en$losed the pink;and white striped silk 3louse, long;slee.ed, flowing, with a deli$ate small $ollar of white la$e, to whi$h a small $ameo a$ted as tie' *he hair was 3ound loosel" 3a$k 3" a red ri33on' *his ele$tri$ and 3ohemian apparition e.oked two immediate responses
in &harles+ one was that instead of looking two "ears older, she looked two "ears "ounger+ and the other, that in some in$omprehensi3le wa" he had not returned to #ngland 3ut done a round .o"age 3a$k to Ameri$a' 7or Cust so did man" of the smart "oung women o.er there dress during the da"' *he" saw the sense of su$h $lothes8their simpli$it" and attra$ti.eness after the wret$hed 3ustles, sta"s and $rinolines' In the -nited 6tates &harles had found the st"le, with its sl" and parado)i$all" $oquettish hints at eman; $ipation in other wa"s, .er" $harming+ now, and under so man" other new suspi$ions, his $heeks took a $olor not far remo.ed from the dianthus pink of the stripes on her shirt' ?ut against this sho$k8what was she now, what had she 3e$omeI8 there rushed a surge of relief' *hose e"es, that mouth, that alwa"s impli$it air of defian$e ''' it was all still there' 6he was the remarka3le $reature of his happier memories83ut 3lossomed, reali=ed, winged from the 3la$k pupa' 7or ten long moments nothing was spoken' *hen she $lut$hed her hands ner.ousl" in front of the gilt $lasp and looked down' 4!ow $ame "ou here, Mr' 6mithsonD5 6he had not sent the address' 6he was not grateful' !e did not remem3er that her inquir" was identi$al to one he had on$e asked her when she $ame on him une)pe$tedl"+ 3ut he sensed that now their positions were strangel" re.ersed' !e was now the suppliant, she the relu$tant listener' 4M" soli$itor was told "ou li.e here' I do not know 3" whom'5 41our soli$itorD5 4<id "ou not know I 3roke m" engagement to Miss 7reemanD5 >ow she was the one who was sho$ked' !er e"es pro3ed his a long moment, then looked down' 6he had not known' !e drew a step $loser and spoke in a low .oi$e' 4I ha.e sear$hed e.er" $orner of this $it"' #.er" month I ha.e ad.ertised in the hope of '''5 >ow the" 3oth stared at the ground 3etween them+ at the handsome *urke" $arpet that ran the length of the landing' !e tried to normali=e his .oi$e' 4I see "ou are '''5 he la$ked words+ 3ut he meant, altogether $hanged' 6he said, 4(ife has 3een kind to me'5 4*hat gentleman in there8is he not''' D5 6he nodded in answer to the name in his still in$redulous e"es' 4And this house 3elongs to '''5 6he took a small 3reath then, so a$$using had 3e$ome his tone' *here lurked in his mind idl" heard gossip' >ot of the man he had seen in the room+ 3ut of the one he had seen downstairs' :ithout warning 6arah mo.ed
to the stairs that went "et higher in the house' &harles stood rooted' 6he ga.e him a hesitant glan$e down' 4/lease $ome'5 !e followed her up the stairs, to find she had entered a room that fa$ed north, o.er the large gardens 3elow' It was an artist2s studio' ,n a ta3le near the door la" a litter of drawings+ on an easel a 3arel" 3egun oil, the mere ground;lines, a hint of a "oung woman looking sadl" down, foliage sket$hed faint 3ehind her head+ other turned $an.ases 3" the wall+ 3" another wall, a row of hooks, from whi$h hung a multi;$olored arra" of female dresses, s$ar.es, shawls+ a large potter" Car+ ta3les of impedimenta8tu3es, 3rushes, $olor;pots' A as relief- small s$ulptures, an urn with 3ulrushes' *here seemed hardl" a square foot without its o3Ce$t' 6arah stood at a window, her 3a$k to him' 4I am his amanuensis' !is assistant'5 41ou ser.e as his modelD5 4I see'5 46ometimes'5 ?ut he saw nothing+ or rather, he saw in the $orner of his e"e one of the sket$hes on the ta3le 3" the door' It was of a female nude, nude that is from the waist up, and holding an amphora at her hip' *he fa$e did not seem to 3e 6arah2s+ 3ut the angle was su$h that he $ould not 3e sure' 41ou ha.e li.ed here sin$e "ou left #)eterD5 4I ha.e li.ed here this last "ear'5 If onl" he $ould ask her how+ how had the" metD ,n what terms did the" li.eD !e hesitated, then laid his hat, sti$k and glo.es on a seat 3" the door' !er hair was now to 3e seen in all its ri$hness, rea$hing almost down to her waist' 6he seemed smaller than he remem3ered+ more slight' A pigeon fluttered to alight on the sill in front of her+ took fright, and slipped awa"' <ownstairs a door opened and $losed' *here was a faint sound of men2s .oi$es as the" made their wa" 3elow' *he room di.ided them' All di.ided them' *he silen$e 3e$ame un3eara3le' !e had $ome to raise her from penur", from some $ra33ed post in a $ra33ed house' In full armor, read" to sla" the dragon8and now the damsel had 3roken all the rules' >o $hains, no so3s, no 3esee$hing hands' !e was the man who appears at a formal soiree under the impression it was to 3e a fan$" dress 3all' 4!e knows "ou are not marriedD5 4I pass as a widow'5 !is ne)t question was $lums"+ 3ut he had lost all ta$t' 4I 3elie.e his wife is deadD5
46he is dead' ?ut not in his heart'5 4!e has not remarriedD5 4!e shares this house with his 3rother'5 *hen she added the name of another person who li.ed there, as if to impl" that &harles2s s$ar$el" $on$ealed fears were, under this e.iden$e of population, groundless' ?ut the name she added was the one most $al$ulated to make an" respe$ta3le Gi$torian of the late 18AFs stiffen with disappro.al' *he horror e.oked 3" his poetr" had 3een pu3li$l" e)pressed 3" 9ohn Morle", one of those worthies 3orn to 3e spokesmen (i'e', empt" fa$ades) for their age' &harles remem3ered the quintessential phrase of his $ondemnation 4the li3idinous laureate of a pa$k of sat"rs'5 And the master of the house himselfI !ad he not heard that he took opiumD A .ision of some orgiasti$ menage a <uatre8 a cin< if one $ounted the girl who had shown him up8rose in his mind' ?ut there was nothing orgiasti$ a3out 6arah2s appearan$e+ to ad.an$e the poet as a referen$e e.en argued a $ertain inno$en$e+ and what should the famous le$turer and $riti$ glimpsed through the door, a man of somewhat e)aggerated ideas, $ertainl", 3ut widel" respe$ted and admired, 3e doing in su$h a den of iniquit"D I am o.eremphasi=ing the worse, that is the time;ser.ing, Morle"ish half of &harles2s mind+ his 3etter self, that self that on$e 3efore had ena3led him to see immediatel" through the mali$e of ("me to her real nature, fought hard to dismiss his suspi$ions' !e 3egan to e)plain himself in a quiet .oi$e+ with another .oi$e in his mind that $ursed his formalit", that 3arrier in him that $ould not tell of the $ountless lonel" da"s, lonel" nights, her spirit 3eside him, o.er him, 3efore him ''' tears, and he did not know how to sa" tears' !e told her of what had happened that night in #)eter' ,f his de$ision+ of 6am2s gross 3etra"al' !e had hoped she might turn' ?ut she remained staring, her fa$e hidden from him, down into the greener" 3elow' 6omewhere there, $hildren pla"ed' !e fell silent, then mo.ed $lose 3ehind her' 4:hat I sa" means nothing to "ouD5 4It means .er" mu$h to me' 6o mu$h I'''5 !e said gentl", 4I 3eg "ou to $ontinue'5 4I am at a loss for words'5 And she mo.ed awa", as if she $ould not look at him when $lose' ,nl" when she was 3eside the easel did she .enture to do so' 6he murmured, 4I do not know what to sa"'5 1et she said it without emotion, without an" of the dawning gratitude he so desperatel" sought+ with no more, in $ruel truth, than a 3affled simpli$it"' 41ou told me "ou lo.ed me' 1ou ga.e me the greatest proof a woman
$an that ''' that what possessed us was no ordinar" degree of mutual s"mpath" and attra$tion'5 4I do not den" that'5 *here was a flash of hurt resentment in his e"es' 6he looked down 3efore them' 6ilen$e flowed 3a$k into the room, and now &harles turned to the window' 4?ut "ou ha.e found newer and more pressing affe$tions'5 4I did not think e.er to see "ou again'5 4*hat does not answer m" question'5 4I ha.e for3idden m"self to regret the impossi3le'5 4*hat still does not84 4Mr' 6mithson, I am not his mistress' If "ou knew him, if "ou knew the traged" of his pri.ate life ''' "ou $ould not for a moment 3e so '''5 ?ut she fell silent' !e had gone too far+ and now he stood with rapped knu$kles and red $heeks' 6ilen$e again+ and then she said e.enl", 4I have found new affe$tions' ?ut the" are not of the kind "ou suggest'5 4*hen I don2t know how I am to interpret "our .er" e.ident em3arrassment at seeing "ou again'5 6he said nothing' 4*hough I $an readil" imagine "ou now ha.e ''' friends who are far more interesting and amusing than I $ould e.er pretend to 3e'5 ?ut he added qui$kl", 41ou for$e me to e)press m"self in a wa" that I a3hor'5 6till she said nothing' !e turned on her with a 3itter small smile' 4I see how it is' It is I who ha.e 3e$ome the misanthropist'5 *hat honest" did 3etter for him' 6he ga.e him a qui$k look, one not without $on$ern' 6he hesitated, then $ame to a de$ision' 4I did not mean to make "ou so' I meant to do what was 3est' I had a3used "our trust, "our generosit", I, "es, I had thrown m"self at "ou, for$ed m"self upon "ou, knowing .er" well that "ou had other o3ligations' A madness was in me at that time' I did not see it $learl" till that da" in #)eter' *he worst "ou thought of me then was nothing 3ut the truth'5 6he paused, he waited' 4I ha.e sin$e seen artists destro" work that might to the amateur seem perfe$tl" good' I remonstrated on$e' I was told that if an artist is not his own sternest Cudge he is not fit to 3e an artist' I 3elie.e that is right' I 3elie.e I was right to destro" what had 3egun 3etween us' *here was a falsehood in it, a84 4I was not to 3lame for that,5 4>o, "ou were not to 3lame'5 6he paused, then went on in a gentler tone' 4Mr' 6mithson, I remarked a phrase of Mr' Ruskin2s re$entl"' !e wrote of an in$onsisten$" of $on$eption' !e meant that the natural had 3een adulterated 3" the artifi$ial, the pure 3" the impure' I think that is what hap;
pened two "ears ago'5 6he said in a lower .oi$e, 4And I know 3ut too well whi$h part I $ontri3uted'5 !e had a reawoken sense of that strange assumption of intelle$tual equalit" in her' !e saw, too, what had alwa"s 3een dissonant 3etween them the formalit" of his language8 seen at its worst in the lo.e letter she had ne.er re$ei.ed8 and the dire$tness of hers' *wo languages, 3etra"ing on the one side a hollowness, a foolish $onstraint83ut she had Cust said it, an artifi$ialit" of $on$eption8and on the other a su3stan$e and purit" of thought and Cudgment+ the differen$e 3etween a simple $olophon, sa", and some page de$orated 3" >oel !umphre"s, all s$rollwork, ela3oration, ro$o$o horror of .oid' *hat was the true in$onsisten$" 3etween them, though her kindness8or her an)iet" to 3e rid of him8tried to $on$eal it' 4Ma" I pursue the metaphorD &annot what "ou $all the natural and pure part of the $on$eption 3e redeemed83e taken up againD5 4I fear not'5 ?ut she would not look at him as she said that' 4I was four thousand miles from here when the news that "ou had 3een found $ame to me' *hat was a month ago' I ha.e not passed an hour sin$e then without thinking of this $on.ersation' 1ou ''' "ou $annot answer me with o3ser.ations, howe.er apposite, on art'5 4*he" were intended to appl" to life as well'5 4*hen what "ou are sa"ing is that "ou ne.er lo.ed me'5 4I $ould not sa" that'5 6he had turned from him' !e went 3ehind her again' 4?ut "ou must sa" thatI 1ou must sa", KI was totall" e.il, I ne.er saw in him other than an instrument I $ould use, a destru$tion I $ould en$ompass' 7or now I don2t $are that he still lo.es me, that in all his tra.els he has not seen a woman to $ompare with me, that he is a ghost, a shadow, a half;3eing for as long as he remains separated from me'25 6he had 3owed her head' !e lowered his .oi$e' 41ou must sa", KI do not $are that his $rime was to ha.e shown a few hours2 inde$ision, I don2t $are that he has e)piated it 3" sa$rifi$ing his good name, his '''2 not that that matters, I would sa$rifi$e e.er"thing I possess a hundred times again if I $ould 3ut know ''' m" dearest 6arah, I'''5 !e had 3rought himself perilousl" near tears' !e rea$hed his hand tentati.el" towards her shoulder, tou$hed it+ 3ut no sooner tou$hed it than some imper$epti3le stiffening of her stan$e made him let it fall' 4*here is another'5 41es' *here is another'5 !e threw her a.erted fa$e an outraged look, took a deep 3reath, then
strode towards the door' 4I 3eg "ou' *here is something else I must sa"'5 41ou ha.e said the one thing that matters'5 4*he other is not what "ou thinkI5 !er tone was so new, so intense, that he arrested his mo.ement towards his hat' !e glan$ed 3a$k at her' !e saw a split 3eing the old, a$$using 6arah and one who 3egged him to listen' !e stared at the ground' 4*here is another in the sense that "ou mean' !e is ''' an artist I ha.e met here' !e wishes to marr" me' I admire him, I respe$t him 3oth as man and as artist' ?ut I shall ne.er marr" him' If I were for$ed this moment to $hoose 3etween Mr'''' 3etween him and "ourself, "ou would not lea.e this house the unhappier' I 3eg "ou to 3elie.e that'5 6he had $ome a little towards him, her e"es on his, at their most dire$t+ and he had to 3elie.e her' !e looked down again' 4*he ri.al "ou 3oth share is m"self' I do not wish to marr"' I do not wish to marr" 3e$ause ''' first, 3e$ause of m" past, whi$h ha3ituated me to loneliness' I had alwa"s thought that I hated it' I now li.e in a world where loneliness is most eas" to a.oid' And I ha.e found that I treasure it' I do not want to share m" life' I wish to 3e what I am, not what a hus3and, howe.er kind, howe.er indulgent, must e)pe$t me to 3e$ome in marriage'5 4And "our se$ond reasonD5 4M" se$ond reason is m" present' I ne.er e)pe$ted to 3e happ" in life' 1et I find m"self happ" where I am situated now' I ha.e .aried and $ongenial work8work so pleasant that I no longer think of it as su$h' I am admitted to the dail" $on.ersation of genius' 6u$h men ha.e their faults' *heir .i$es' ?ut the" are not those the world $hooses to imagine' *he persons I ha.e met here ha.e let me see a $ommunit" of honora3le endea.or, of no3le purpose, I had not till now known e)isted in this world'5 6he turned awa" towards the easel' 4Mr' 6mithson, I am happ", I am at last arri.ed, or so it seems to me, where I 3elong' I sa" that most hum3l"' I ha.e no genius m"self, I ha.e no more than the $apa$it" to aid genius in .er" small and hum3le wa"s' 1ou ma" think I ha.e 3een .er" fortunate' >o one knows it 3etter than m"self' ?ut I 3elie.e I owe a de3t to m" good fortune' I am not to seek it elsewhere' I am to see it as pre$arious, as a thing of whi$h I must not allow m"self to 3e 3ereft'5 6he paused again, then fa$ed him' 41ou ma" think what "ou will of me, 3ut I $annot wish m" life other than it is at the moment' And not e.en when I am 3esought 3" a man I esteem, who tou$hes me more than I show, from whom I do not deser.e su$h a faithful generosit" of affe$tion'5 6he lowered her e"es' 4And whom I 3eg to $ompre; hend me'5 *here had 3een se.eral points where &harles would ha.e liked to
interrupt this $redo' Its $ontentions seemed all heres" to him+ "et deep inside him his admiration for the hereti$ grew' 6he was like no other+ more than e.er like no other' !e saw (ondon, her new life, had su3tl" altered her+ had refined her .o$a3ular" and a$$ent, had arti$ulated intuition, had deepened her $larit" of insight+ had now an$hored her, where 3efore had 3een a far less se$ure mooring, to her 3asi$ $on$eption of life and her role in it' !er 3right $lothes had misled him at first' ?ut he 3egan to per$ei.e the" were no more than a fa$tor of her new self;knowledge and self;possession+ she no longer needed an outward uniform' !e saw it+ "et would not see it' !e $ame 3a$k a little wa" into the $enter of the room' 4?ut "ou $annot reCe$t the purpose for whi$h woman was 3rought into $reation' And for whatD I sa" nothing against Mr' '''5 he gestured at the painting on the easel 4''' and his $ir$le' ?ut "ou $annot pla$e ser.ing them a3o.e the natural law'5 !e pressed his ad.antage' 4I too ha.e $hanged' I ha.e learned mu$h of m"self, of what was pre.iousl" false in me' I make no $onditions' All that Miss 6arah :oodruff is, Mrs' &harles 6mithson ma" $ontinue to 3e' I would not 3an "ou "our new world or "our $ontinuing pleasure in it' I offer no more than an enlargement of "our present happiness'5 6he went to the window, and he ad.an$ed to the easel, his e"es on her' 6he half turned' 41ou do not understand' It is not "our fault' 1ou are .er" kind' ?ut I am not to 3e understood'5 41ou forget "ou ha.e said that to me 3efore' I think "ou make it a matter of pride'5 4I meant that I am not to 3e understood e.en 3" m"self' And I $an2t tell "ou wh", 3ut I 3elie.e m" happiness depends on m" not understanding'5 &harles smiled, in spite of himself' 4*his is a3surdit"' 1ou refuse to entertain m" proposal 3e$ause I might 3ring "ou to understand "ourself'5 4I refuse, as I refused the other gentleman, 3e$ause "ou $annot understand that to me it is not an a3surdit"'5 6he had her 3a$k turned again+ and he 3egan to see a glimmer of hope, for she seemed to show, as she pi$ked at something on the white transom 3efore her, some of the telltale em3arrassment of a willful $hild' 41ou shan2t es$ape there' 1ou ma" reser.e to "ourself all the m"ster" "ou want' It shall remain sa$rosan$t to me'5 4It is not "ou I fear' It is "our lo.e for me' I know onl" too well that nothing remains sa$rosan$t there'5 !e felt like someone denied a fortune 3" some tri.ial phrase in a legal do$ument+ the .i$tim of a $onquest of irrational law o.er rational intent' ?ut
she would not su3mit to reason+ to sentiment she might lie more open' !e hesitated, then went $loser' 4!a.e "ou thought mu$h of me in m" a3sen$eD5 6he looked at him then+ a look that was almost dr", as if she had foreseen this new line of atta$k, and almost wel$omed it' 6he turned awa" after a moment, and stared at the roofs of the houses a$ross the gardens' 4I thought mu$h of "ou to 3egin with' I thought mu$h of "ou some si) months later, when I first saw one of the noti$es "ou had had put in84 4*hen "ou did knowI5 ?ut she went impla$a3l" on' 4And whi$h o3liged me to $hange m" lodgings and m" name' I made inquiries' I knew then, 3ut not 3efore, that "ou had not married Miss 7reeman'5 !e stood 3oth fro=en and in$redulous for fi.e long se$onds+ and then she threw him a little glan$e round' !e thought he saw a faint e)ultation in it, a ha.ing alwa"s had this trump $ard read"8and worse, of ha.ing waited, to produ$e it, to see the full e)tent of his own hand' 6he mo.ed quietl" awa", and there was more horror in the quietness, the apparent indifferen$e, than in the mo.ement' !e followed her with his e"es' And perhaps he did at last 3egin to grasp her m"ster"' 6ome terri3le per.ersion of human se)ual des; tin" had 3egun+ he was no more than a footsoldier, a pawn in a far .aster 3attle+ and like all 3attles it was not a3out lo.e, 3ut a3out possession and territor"' !e saw deeper it was not that she hated men, not that she materiall" despised him more than other men, 3ut that her maneu.ers were simpl" a part of her armor", mere instruments to a greater end' !e saw deeper still that her supposed present happiness was another lie' In her $entral 3eing she suffered still, in the same old wa"+ and that was the m"ster" she was trul" and finall" afraid he might dis$o.er' *here was silen$e' 4*hen "ou ha.e not onl" ruined m" life' 1ou ha.e taken pleasure in doing so'5 4I knew nothing 3ut unhappiness $ould $ome from su$h a meeting as this'5 4I think "ou lie' I think "ou re.eled in the thought of m" miser"' And I think it was "ou who sent that letter to m" soli$itor'5 6he looked him a sharp denial, 3ut he met her with a $old grima$e' 41ou forget I alread" know, to m" $ost, what an a$$omplished a$tress "ou $an 3e when it suits "our purpose' I $an guess wh" I am now summoned to 3e gi.en the coup de grace. 1ou ha.e a new .i$tim' I ma" slake "our insatia3le and unwomanl" hatred of m" se) one last time ''' and now I ma" 3e dismissed'5 41ou misCudge me'5 ?ut she said it far too $alml", as if she remained proof to all his
a$$usations+ e.en, deep in herself, per.ersel" sa.ored them' !e ga.e a 3itter shake of the head' 4>o' It is as I sa"' 1ou ha.e not onl" planted the dagger in m" 3reast, "ou ha.e delighted in twisting it'5 6he stood now staring at him, as if against her will, 3ut h"pnoti=ed, the defiant $riminal awaiting senten$e' !e pronoun$ed it' 4A da" will $ome when "ou shall 3e $alled to a$$ount for what "ou ha.e done to me' And if there is Custi$e in hea.en8"our punishment shall outlast eternit"'5 Melodramati$ words+ "et words sometimes matter less than the depth of feeling 3ehind them8and these $ame out of &harles2s whole 3eing and despair' :hat $ried out 3ehind them was not melodrama, 3ut traged"' 7or a long moment she $ontinued to stare at him+ something of the terri3le outrage in his soul was refle$ted in her e"es' :ith an a$ute a3ruptness she lowered her head' !e hesitated one last se$ond+ his fa$e was like the poised;$rum3ling wall of a dam, so .ast was the weight of anathema pressing to roar down' ?ut as suddenl" as she had looked guilt", he ground his Caws shut, turned on his heel and mar$hed towards the door' 0athering her skirt in one hand, she ran after him' !e spun round at the sound, she stood lost a moment' ?ut 3efore he $ould mo.e on she had stepped swiftl" past him to the door' !e found his e)it 3lo$ked' 4I $annot let "ou go 3elie.ing that'5 !er 3reast rose, as if she were out of 3reath+ her e"es on his, as if she put all relian$e on stopping him in their dire$tness' ?ut when he made an angr" gesture of his hand, she spoke' 4*here is a lad" in this house who knows me, who understands me 3etter than an"one else in the world' 6he wishes to see "ou' I 3eg "ou to let her do so' 6he will e)plain ''' m" real nature far 3etter than I $an m"self' 6he will e)plain that m" $ondu$t towards "ou is less 3lameworth" than "ou suppose'5 !is e"es 3la=ed upon hers+ as if he would now let that dam 3reak' !e made a .isi3l" diffi$ult effort to $ontrol himself+ to lose the flames, regain the i$e+ and su$$eeded' 4I am astounded that "ou should think a stranger to me $ould e)tenuate "our 3eha.ior' And now84 46he is waiting' 6he knows "ou are here'5 4I do not $are if it is the Queen herself' I will not see her'5 31 shall not 3e present'5 !er $heeks had grown .er" red, almost as red as &harles2s' 7or the first 8and last8time in his life he was tempted to use ph"si$al for$e on a
mem3er of the weaker se)' 46tand asideI5 ?ut she shook her head' It was 3e"ond words now+ a matter of will' !er demeanor was intense, almost tragi$+ and "et something strange haunted her e"es8something had happened, some dim air from another world was 3lowing imper$epti3l" 3etween them' 6he wat$hed him as if she knew she had set him at 3a"+ a little frightened, un$ertain what he would do+ and "et without hostilit"' Almost as if, 3ehind the surfa$e, there was nothing 3ut a $uriosit" a wat$hing for the result of an e)periment' 6omething in &harles faltered' !is e"es fell' ?ehind all his rage stood the knowledge that he lo.ed her still+ that this was the one 3eing whose loss he $ould ne.er forget' !e spoke to the gilt $lasp' 4:hat am I to understand 3" thisD5 4:hat a less honora3le gentleman might ha.e guessed some time ago'5 !e ransa$ked her e"es' :as there the faintest smile in themD >o, there $ould not 3e' *here was not' 6he held him in those ins$ruta3le e"es a moment more, than left the door and $rossed the room to a 3ellpull 3" the firepla$e' !e was free to go+ 3ut he wat$hed her without mo.ing' 4:hat a less honora3le gentleman '''5 :hat new enormit" was threatened nowI Another woman, who knew and understood her 3etter than ''' that hatred of man ''' this house inha3ited 3" ''' he dared not sa" it to himself' 6he drew 3a$k the 3rass 3utton and then $ame towards him again' 46he will $ome at on$e'5 6arah opened the door+ ga.e him an o3lique look' 4I 3eg "ou to listen to what she has to sa" ''' and to a$$ord her the respe$t due to her situation and age'5 And she was gone' ?ut she had, in those last words, left an essential $lue' !e di.ined at on$e whom he was a3out to meet' It was her emplo"er2s sister, the poetess (I will hide names no more) Miss &hristina Rossetti' ,f $ourseI !ad he not alwa"s found in her .erse, on the rare o$$asions he had looked at it, a $ertain in$omprehensi3le m"sti$ismD A passionate o3s$urit", the sense of a mind too inward and femininel" in.olute+ to 3e frank, rather a3surdl" muddled o.er the frontiers of human and di.ine lo.eD !e strode to the door and opened it' 6arah was at a door at the far end of the landing, a3out to enter' 6he looked round and he opened his mouth to speak' ?ut there was a quiet sound 3elow' 6omeone was mounting the stairs' 6arah raised a finger to her lips and disappeared inside the room' &harles hesitated, then went 3a$k inside the studio and walked to the window' !e saw now who was to 3lame for 6arah2s philosoph" of life8she whom Punch had on$e $alled the so33ing a33ess, the h"steri$al spinster of the /re;Raphaelite ?rotherhood' !ow desperatel" he wished he had not
returnedI If onl" he had made further inquiries 3efore $asting himself into this misera3le situationI ?ut here he was+ and he suddenl" found himself determining, and not without a grim relish, that the lad" poetess should not ha.e it all her own wa"' *o her he might 3e no more than a grain of sand among $ountless millions, a mere dull weed in this e)oti$ garden of''' *here was a sound' !e turned, and with a .er" set;$old fa$e' ?ut it was not Miss Rossetti, merel" the girl who had shown him up, and holding a small $hild $rooked in her arm' It seemed she had seen the door aCar, and simpl" peeped in on her wa" to some nurser"' 6he appeared surprised to see him alone' 4Mrs' Roughwood has leftD5 46he ga.e me to understand ''' a lad" wishes to ha.e a few words in pri.ate with me' 6he is rung for'5 *he girl in$lined her head' 4I see'5 ?ut instead of withdrawing, as &harles had e)pe$ted, she $ame forward into the room and set the $hild down on a $arpet 3" the easel' 6he felt in the po$ket of her apron and handed down a rag doll, then knelt a 3rief moment, as if to make sure the $hild was perfe$tl" happ"' *hen without warning she straightened and mo.ed gra$efull" towards the door' &harles stood meanwhile with an e)pression somewhere 3etween offense and pu==lement' 4I trust the lad" will $ome .er" shortl"D5 *he girl turned' 6he had a small smile on her lips' *hen she glan$ed down at the $hild on the $arpet' 46he is $ome'5 7or at least ten se$onds after the door $losed &harles stared' It was a little girl, with dark hair and $hu33" arms+ a little more than a 3a3", "et far less than a $hild' 6he seemed suddenl" to reali=e that &harles was animate' *he doll was handed up towards him, with a meaningless sound' !e had an impression of solemn gra" irises in a regular fa$e, a $ertain timid dou3t, a not 3eing quite sure what he was ''' a se$ond later he was kneeling in front of her on the $arpet, helping her to stand on her un$ertain legs, s$anning that small fa$e like some ar$haeologist who has Cust unearthed the first e)ample of a lost an$ient s$ript' *he little girl showed unmistaka3le signs of not liking this s$rutin"' /erhaps he gripped the fragile arms too tightl"' !e fum3led hastil" for his wat$h, as he had on$e 3efore in a similar predi$ament' It had the same good effe$t+ and in a few moments he was a3le to lift the infant without protest and $arr" her to a $hair 3" the window' 6he sat on his knees, intent on the sil.er to"+ and he, he was intent on her fa$e, her hands, her e.er" in$h' And on e.er" word that had 3een spoken in that room' (anguage is like
shot silk+ so mu$h depends on the angle at whi$h it is held' !e heard the quiet opening of the door' ?ut he did not turn' In a moment a hand la" on the high 3a$krail of the wooden $hair on whi$h he sat' !e did not speak and the owner of the hand did not speak+ a3sor3ed 3" the wat$h, the $hild too was silent' In some distant house an amateur, a lad" with time on her hands8not in them, for the e)e$ution was poor, redeemed onl" 3" distan$e83egan to pla" the piano a &hopin ma=urka, filtered through walls, through lea.es and sunlight' ,nl" that Cerkil" onward sound indi$ated progression' ,therwise it was the impossi3le !istor" redu$ed to a li.ing stop, a photograph in flesh' ?ut the little girl grew 3ored, and rea$hed for her mother2s arms' 6he was lifted, dandled, then $arried awa" a few steps' &harles remained staring out of the window a long moment' *hen he stood and fa$ed 6arah and her 3urden' !er e"es were still gra.e, 3ut she had a little smile' >ow, he was 3eing taunted' ?ut he would ha.e tra.eled four million miles to 3e taunted so' *he $hild rea$hed towards the floor, ha.ing seen its doll there' 6arah stooped a moment, retrie.ed it and ga.e it to her' 7or a moment she wat$hed the a3sorption of the $hild against her shoulder in the to"+ then her e"es $ame to rest on &harles2s feet' 6he $ould not look him in the e"es' 4:hat is her nameD5 4(alage'5 6he pronoun$ed it as a da$t"l, the g hard' 6till she $ould not raise her e"es' 4Mr' Rossetti approa$hed me one da" in the street' I did not know it, 3ut he had 3een wat$hing me' !e asked to 3e allowed to draw me' 6he was not "et 3orn' !e was most kind in all wa"s when he knew of m" $ir$umstan$es' !e himself proposed the name' !e is her godfather'5 6he murmured, 4I know it is strange'5 6trange $ertainl" were &harles2s feelings+ and the ultimate strangeness was onl" in$reased 3" this $urious soli$iting of his opinion on su$h, in su$h $ir$umstan$es, a tri.ial matter+ as if at the moment his ship had stru$k a reef his ad.i$e was asked on the right material for the $a3in upholster"' 1et num3ed, he found himself answering' 4It is 0reek' 7rom lalageo- to 3a33le like a 3rook'5 6arah 3owed her head, as if modestl" grateful for this et"mologi$al information' 6till &harles stared at her, his masts $rashing, the $ries of the drowning in his mind2s ears' !e would ne.er forgi.e her' !e heard her whisper, 41ou do not like itD5 4I'''5 he swallowed' 41es' It is a prett" name'5 And again her head 3owed' ?ut he $ould not mo.e, $ould not rid his e"es of their terri3le interrogation+ as a man stares at the fallen masonr" that
might, had he passed a moment later, ha.e $rushed him to e)tin$tion+ at ha=ard, that element the human mentalit" so ha3ituall" disregards, dismisses to the lum3er room of m"th, made flesh in this figure, this dou3le figure 3efore him' !er e"es sta"ed down, masked 3" the dark lashes' ?ut he saw, or sensed, tears upon them' !e took two or three in.oluntar" steps towards her' *hen again he stopped' !e $ould not, he $ould not ''' the words, though low, 3urst from him' 4?ut wh"D :h"D :hat if I had ne.er '''5 !er head sank e.en lower' !e 3arel" $aught her answer' 4It had to 3e so'5 And he $omprehended it had 3een in 0od2s hands, in !is forgi.eness of their sins' 1et still he stared down at her hidden fa$e' 4And all those $ruel words "ou spoke ''' for$ed me to speak in answerD5 4!ad to 3e spoken'5 At last she looked up at him' !er e"es were full of tears, and her look un3eara3l" naked' 6u$h looks we ha.e all on$e or twi$e in our li.es re$ei.ed and shared+ the" are those in whi$h worlds melt, pasts dissol.e, moments when we know, in the resolution of profoundest need, that the ro$k of ages $an ne.er 3e an"thing else 3ut lo.e, here, now, in these two hands2 Coining, in this 3lind silen$e in whi$h one head $omes to rest 3eneath the other+ and whi$h &harles, after a $ompressed eternit", 3reaks, though the question is more 3reathed than spoken' 46hall I e.er understand "our para3lesD5 *he head against his 3reast shakes with a mute .ehemen$e' A long moment' *he pressure of lips upon au3urn hair' In the distant house the untalented lad", no dou3t sei=ed 3" remorse (or perhaps 3" poor &hopin2s tortured ghost), stops pla"ing' And (alage, as if 3rought 3" the mer$iful silen$e to refle$t on the aestheti$s of musi$ and ha.ing refle$ted, to 3ang her rag doll against his 3ent $heek, reminds her father8high time indeed8that a thousand .iolins $lo" .er" rapidl" without per$ussion'
61
#.olution is simpl" the pro$ess 3" whi$h $han$e (the random mutations in
the nu$lei$ a$id heli) $aused 3" natural radiation) $ooperates with natural law to $reate li.ing forms 3etter and 3etter adapted to sur.i.e' 8MAR*I> 0AR<>#R, The Am ide!trous "niverse (1JAB) *rue piet" is acting what one 5nows. 8MA**!#: AR>,(<, 7ote oo5s (18A8) _______________________________________
It is a time;pro.en rule of the no.elist2s $raft ne.er to introdu$e an" 3ut .er" minor new $hara$ters at the end of a 3ook' I hope (alage ma" 3e forgi.en+ 3ut the e)tremel" important;looking person that has, during the last s$ene, 3een leaning against the parapet of the em3ankment a$ross the wa" from 1A &he"ne :alk, the residen$e of Mr' <ante 0a3riel Rossetti (who took8and died of8$hloral, 3" the wa", not opium) ma" seem at first sight to represent a gross 3rea$h of the rule' I did not want to introdu$e him+ 3ut sin$e he is the sort of man who $annot 3ear to 3e left out of the limelight, the kind of man who tra.els first $lass or not at all, for whom the first is the onl" pronoun, who in short has first things on the 3rain, and sin$e I am the kind of man who refuses to inter.ene in nature (e.en the worst), he has got himself in8 or as he would put it, has got himself in as he really is. I shall not la3or the impli$ation that he was pre.iousl" got in as he reall" wasn2t, and is therefore not trul" a new $hara$ter at all+ 3ut rest assured that this personage is, in spite of appearan$es, a .er" minor figure8as minimal, in fa$t, as a gamma; ra" parti$le' As he reall" isR'and his true $olors are not pleasant ones' *he on$e full, patriar$hal 3eard of the railwa" $ompartment has 3een trimmed down to something rather foppish and 7ren$hified' *here is a3out the $lothes, in the la.ishl" em3roidered summer waist$oat, in the three rings on the fingers, the panatella in its am3er holder, the mala$hite;headed $ane, a distin$t tou$h of the flash"' !e looks .er" mu$h as if he has gi.en up prea$hing and gone in for grand opera+ and done mu$h 3etter at the latter than the former' *here is, in short, more than a tou$h of the su$$essful impresario a3out him' And now, as he negligentl" supports himself on the parapet, he squee=es the tip of his nose lightl" 3etween the knu$kles of his 3eringed first and middle fingers' ,ne has the impression he $an hardl" $ontain his amusement' !e is staring 3a$k towards Mr' Rossetti2s house+ and with an almost proprietor" air, as if it is some new theater he has Cust 3ought and is prett" $onfident he $an fill' In this he has not $hanged he .er" e.identl" regards the world as his to possess and use as he likes' ?ut now he straightens' *his flanerie in &helsea has 3een a pleasant
interlude, 3ut more important 3usiness awaits him' !e takes out his wat$h8 a ?reguet8and sele$ts a small ke" from a .ast num3er on a se$ond gold $hain' !e makes a small adCustment to the time' It seems8though unusual in an instrument from the 3en$h of the greatest of wat$hmakers8 that he was running a quarter of an hour fast' It is dou3l" strange, for there is no .isi3le $lo$k 3" whi$h he $ould ha.e dis$o.ered the error in his own timepie$e' ?ut the reason ma" 3e guessed' !e is meanl" pro.iding himself with an e)$use for 3eing late at his ne)t appointment' A $ertain kind of t"$oon $annot 3ear to seem at fault o.er e.en the most tri.ial matters' !e 3e$kons peremptoril" with his $ane towards an open landau that waits some hundred "ards awa"' It trots smartl" up to the $ur3 3eside him' *he footman springs down and opens the door' *he impresario mounts, sits, leans e)pansi.el" 3a$k against the $rimson leather, dismisses the mono; grammed rug the footman offers towards his legs' *he footman $at$hes the door to, 3ows, then reCoins his fellow ser.ant on the 3o)' An instru$tion is $alled out, the $oa$hman tou$hes his $o$kaded hat with his whip handle' And the equipage draws 3riskl" awa"' 4>o' It is as I sa"' 1ou ha.e not onl" planted the dagger in m" 3reast, "ou ha.e delighted in twisting it'5 6he stood now staring at &harles, as if against her will, 3ut h"pnoti=ed, the defiant $riminal awaiting senten$e' !e pronoun$ed it' 4A da" will $ome when "ou shall 3e $alled to a$$ount for what "ou ha.e done to me' And if there is Custi$e in hea.en8"our punishment shall outlast eternit"I5 !e hesitated one last se$ond+ his fa$e was like the poised;$rum3ling walls of a dam, so .ast was the weight of anathema pressing to roar down' ?ut as suddenl" as she had looked guilt", he ground his Caws shut, turned on his heel and mar$hed towards the door' 4Mr' 6mithsonI5 !e took a step or two more+ stopped, threw her a look 3a$k o.er his shoulder+ and then with the .iolen$e of a determined unforgi.ingness, stared at the foot of the door in front of him' !e heard the light rustle of her $lothes' 6he stood Cust 3ehind him' 4Is this not proof of what I said Cust nowD *hat we had 3etter ne.er to ha.e set e"es on ea$h other againD5 41our logi$ assumes that I knew "our real nature' I did not'5 4Are "ou sureD5 4I thought "our mistress in ("me a selfish and 3igoted woman' I now per$ei.e she was a saint $ompared to her $ompanion'5 4And I should not 3e selfish if I said, knowing I $annot lo.e "ou as a
wife must, "ou ma" marr" meD5 &harles ga.e her a free=ing look' 4*here was a time when "ou spoke of me as "our last resour$e' As "our one remaining hope in life' ,ur situations are now re.ersed' 1ou ha.e no time for me' Ger" well' ?ut don2t tr" to defend "ourself' It $an onl" add mali$e to an alread" suffi$ient inCur"'5 It had 3een in his mind all through his most powerful, though also his most despi$a3le, argument' And as he said it, he $ould not hide his trem3ling, his 3eing at the end of his tether, at least as regards his feeling of outrage' !e threw her one last tortured look, then for$ed himself onward to open the door' 4Mr' 6mithsonI5 Again' And now he felt her hand on his arm' A se$ond time he stood arrested, hating that hand, his weakness in letting it paral"=e him' It was as if she were tr"ing to tell him something she $ould not sa" in words' >o more, perhaps, than a gesture of regret, of apolog"' 1et if it had 3een that, her hand would surel" ha.e fallen as soon as it tou$hed him+ and this not onl" ps"$hologi$all", 3ut ph"si$all" detained him' Ger" slowl" he 3rought his head round and looked at her+ and to his sho$k saw that there was in her e"es, if not a3out her lips, a suggestion of a smile, a ghost of that one he had re$ei.ed 3efore, so strangel", when the" were nearl" surprised 3" 6am and Mar"' :as it iron", a telling him not to take life so seriousl"D A last gloating o.er his miser"D ?ut there again, as he pro3ed her with his own distressed and totall" humorless e"es, her hand should surel" ha.e dropped' 1et still he felt its pressure on his arm+ as if she were sa"ing, look, $an "ou not see, a solution e)istsD It $ame upon him' !e looked down to her hand, and then up to the fa$e again' 6lowl", as if in answer, her $heeks were suffused with red, and the smile drained from her e"es' !er hand fell to her side' And the" remained staring at ea$h other as if their $lothes had suddenl" dropped awa" and left them fa$ing ea$h other in nakedness+ 3ut to him far less a se)ual nakedness than a $lini$al one, one in whi$h the hidden $an$er stood re.ealed in all its loathsome realit"' !e sought her e"es for some e.iden$e of her real intentions, and found onl" a spirit prepared to sa$rifi$e e.er"thing 3ut itself 8 read" to surrender truth, feeling, perhaps e.en all womanl" modest" in order to sa.e its own integrit"' And there, in that possi3le e.entual sa$rifi$e, he was for a moment tempted' !e $ould see a fear 3ehind the now $lear knowledge that she had made a false mo.e+ and that to a$$ept her offer of a /latoni$ 8and e.en if one da" more intimate, ne.er $onse$rated8 friendship would 3e to hurt her most' ?ut he no sooner saw that than he saw the realit" of su$h an arrangement
8how he would 3e$ome the se$ret 3utt of this $orrupt house, the star$hed soupirant- the pet donke"' !e saw his own true superiorit" to her whi$h was not of 3irth or edu$ation, not of intelligen$e, not of se), 3ut of an a3ilit" to gi.e that was also an ina3ilit" to $ompromise' 6he $ould gi.e onl" to possess+ and to possess him8whether 3e$ause he was what he was, whether 3e$ause possession was so imperati.e in her that it had to 3e $onstantl" renewed, $ould ne.er 3e satisfied 3" one $onquest onl", whether ''' 3ut he $ould not, and would ne.er, know8to possess him was not enough' And he saw finall" that she knew he would refuse' 7rom the first she had manipulated him' 6he would do so to the end' !e threw her one last 3urning look of reCe$tion, then left the room' 6he made no further attempt to detain him' !e stared straight ahead, as if the pi$tures on the walls down through whi$h he passed were so man" silent spe$tators' !e was the last honora3le man on the wa" to the s$affold' !e had a great desire to $r"+ 3ut nothing should wring tears from him in that house' And to $r" out' As he $ame down to the hallwa", the girl who had shown him up appeared from a room, holding a small $hild in her arms' 6he opened her mouth to speak' &harles2s wild "et i$" look silen$ed her' !e left the house' And at the gate, the future made present, found he did not know where to go' It was as if he found himself re3orn, though with all his adult fa$ulties and memories' ?ut with the 3a3"2s helplessness8all to 3e re$ommen$ed, all to 3e learned againI !e $rossed the road o3liquel", 3lindl", ne.er on$e looking 3a$k, to the em3ankment' It was deserted+ onl", in the distan$e, a trotting landau, whi$h had turned out of sight 3" the tune he rea$hed the parapet' :ithout knowing wh" he stared down at the gra" ri.er, now $lose, at high tide' It meant return to Ameri$a+ it meant thirt";four "ears of struggling upwards8all in .ain, in .ain, in .ain, all height lost+ it meant, of this he was sure, a $eli3a$" of the heart as total as hers+ it meant8and as all the things that it meant, 3oth prospe$ti.e and retrospe$ti.e, 3egan to sweep down o.er him ha a 3la$k a.alan$he, he did at last turn and look 3a$k at the house he had left' At an open upstairs window a white net $urtain seemed to fall 3a$k into pla$e' ?ut it was indeed onl" a seeming, a mere idle mo.ement of the Ma" wind' 7or 6arah has remained in the studio, staring down at the garden 3elow, at a $hild and a "oung woman, the $hild2s mother perhaps, who sit on the grass engaged in making a dais" $hain' *here are tears in her e"esD 6he is too far awa" for me to tell+ no more now, sin$e the windowpanes $at$h the luminosit" of the summer sk", than a shadow 3ehind a light'
1ou ma" think, of $ourse, that not to a$$ept the offer impli$it in that detaining hand was &harles2s final foolishness+ that it 3etra"ed at least a $ertain weakness of purpose in 6arah2s attitude' 1ou ma" think that she was right that her 3attle for territor" was a legitimate uprising of the in.aded against the perennial in.ader' ?ut what "ou must not think is that this is a less plausi3le ending to their stor"' 7or I ha.e returned, al3eit de.iousl", to m" original prin$iple that there is no inter.ening god 3e"ond whate.er $an 3e seen, in that wa", in the first epigraph to this $hapter+ thus onl" life as we ha.e, within our ha=ard;gi.en a3ilities, made it oursel.es, life as Mar) defined it8the actions of men (and of women) in pursuit of their ends. *he fundamental prin$iple that should guide these a$tions, that I 3elie.e m"self alwa"s guided 6arah2s, I ha.e set as the se$ond epigraph' A modern e)istentialist would no dou3t su3stitute 4humanit"5 or 4authenti$it"5 for 4piet"5+ 3ut he would re$ogni=e Arnold2s intent' *he ri.er of life, of m"sterious laws and m"sterious $hoi$e, flows past a deserted em3ankment+ and along that other deserted em3ankment &harles now 3egins to pa$e, a man 3ehind the in.isi3le gun $arriage on whi$h rests his own $orpse' !e walks towards an imminent, self;gi.en deathD I think not+ for he has at last found an atom of faith in himself, a true uniqueness, on whi$h to 3uild+ has alread" 3egun, though he would still 3itterl" den" it, though there are tears in his e"es to support his denial, to reali=e that life, howe.er ad.antageousl" 6arah ma" in some wa"s seem to fit the role of 6phin), is not a s"m3ol, is not one riddle and one failure to guess it, is not to inha3it one fa$e alone or to 3e gi.en up after one losing throw of the di$e+ 3ut is to 3e, howe.er inadequatel", emptil", hopelessl" into the $it"2s iron heart, endured' And out again, upon the unplum32d, salt, estranging sea' ;end;

John Fowles - The French Lieutenant's Woman

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John Fowles - The French Lieutenant's Woman

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THE FRENCH LIEUTENANTS WOMAN BY JOHN FOWLES

Zur Judenfrage (1844)

8<AR:I>, The )rigin of *pecies (18EJ)

8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)

8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)

6u3mitting all things to desire' 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)

And let the ape and tiger die'

!e was left alone with his medi$ine'

8!AR<1, 4At a 6easide *own in 18AJ5

&ome is she now, ,I 8!AR<1, 4*iming !er5

Das könnte Ihnen auch gefallen

John Fowles - The French Lieutenant&#39;s Woman

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John Fowles - The French Lieutenant&#39;s Woman

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Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

THE FRENCH LIEUTENANTS WOMAN BY JOHN FOWLES

Zur Judenfrage (1844)

8<AR:I>, The )rigin of *pecies (18EJ)

8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)

8*#>>16,>, 2aud (18EE)

6u3mitting all things to desire' 8*#>>16,>, 1n 2emoriam (18EF)

And let the ape and tiger die'

!e was left alone with his medi$ine'

8!AR<1, 4At a 6easide *own in 18AJ5

&ome is she now, ,I 8!AR<1, 4*iming !er5

Das könnte Ihnen auch gefallen

John Fowles - The French Lieutenant's Woman

John Fowles - The French Lieutenant's Woman