Innocent but Not Nave: Children and Family Violence Susan Thomas Dr. Donna A.

Dragon, Instructor Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America November 26, 2013

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

Preface

Domestic violence (DV) is often defined as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, intimate partner violence and dating abuse. Often these terms are negligent of the perspective of a child who may also experience some type of hardship or effect on their life from their accounts with violence. In regards to my research, I will focus on family violence, moreover the childrens experience in a domestic violence situation. I will also focus on the actions of the children in these familial relationships and how the study of their behaviors can help in intervention strategies when helping them to learn to cope with the emotions they feel about the violence they witness and towards their abuser. I have decided to primarily focus on families in which men are the abusers in the household and are often abusive towards women and even children in the family. In my research, family can be modeled as a married couple with children or a dating couple with children, even if the man is not the father of the child. This topic is of interest to me because at a point in my life I dated a young man whose father abused the young mans mother. The father was not only physically abusive but also emotionally and mentally. My former boyfriend often told me stories about how his father would come home and abuse his mother even in front of the childrena young son and a daughter. The father was a war veteran and displaced a great deal of emotions on his family. I noticed as my relationship progressed with the young man that he also had an issue with dealing with his emotions, anger and disappoint just as he had described with his father. He noted that he went to anger management courses while in grade school but it was in a group setting with children in varying age ranges, which may have impacted the level at which he absorbed the messages his instructor was giving. He began lashing out at his mother and was verbally abusive to his sisters and at times, to me. I often wondered if his mother would have escaped from the victimization sooner and if my boyfriend would have received help in a way that was more focused on his level of understanding, would the outcome of his life and ability to control his emotions have been different? Children who receive education in regards to appropriately coping with their emotions and learning how to express their feelings will have the

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

opportunity to learn from their abuser and live a less aggressive life in which they will not inflict the same abuse they received as children, on others. I began my search with the Atkins library online search tool. I typed in specifically children and domestic violence and was given a plethora of articles and books that had information regarding domestic violence occurring in childrens lives. I utilized Google Scholar to try and find current events that were not just a news story but also had depth to it and was able to find a news article from SCNOW, a news outlet for South Carolina available online. I found a journal article in the ArticleFirst database, particularly in the SAGE Journal entitled, Childrens Actions when Experiencing Domestic Violence. I was able to find a media clip by utilizing YouTube and searching children and domestic violence. Lastly, at our initial inquiry group meeting, we were prompted to bring in a significant cause that required social advocacy as well as a possible location or agency in the area that was doing work with this cause. Some of the group members talked about their experience volunteering with Hope Haven and noticing that we all had domestic violence as one of our significant causes we decided to choose that location and each committed to visiting the location to learn more about their programs offered.

All of these sources were helpful in helping me to develop my perspective on children and domestic violence. The journal article, Childrens Actions when Experiencing Domestic Violence, helped me to gain an understanding of the connection between the childs actions during the domestic violence disputes in their homes and their future or perceived behavior. The YouTube clip, Children of Domestic Violence, allowed me to hear primarily from the children about how they felt when their fathers abused their mothers and how helpful learning how to express their emotions were in regards to their future interactions with people and pain. The news article, Former Darlington womans story an example of how domestic violence affects children, contributed to my research topic by allowing the audience to hear from a woman who witnessed her father abusing her mother as

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

a child and how that later impacted her actions in regards to reacting in a heated situation. Lastly, the Hope Haven visit helped me to learn more about an agency that had special programs for children and was designed to help families regain a sense of stability after a tragic event has occurred in their life, and although more related to drug and alcohol abuse, these two these have been related to cases of violence in the home.

I learned that by looking through my sources; often times people neglect the perspective of the children when gathering information about domestic violence and this is also an issue that is relevant in the intervention strategies of those who have been abused by a family member. Many researchers focus on womenwhy do they stayand menwhy do they commit violence, but seldom do they think about the interactions of the children and how this effects them in later life. In relation to dance and movement, the children are mimicking the behaviors of their parents because it is a learned behavior and the only way they were taught to deal with their emotions. I have also learned that through mobilizing a social cause, we have the ability to become more aware of our own perspectives in relation to the cause and our connection to the world so that we can help to spread the word about the issue at hand.

Although I learned a great deal from the sources, I noticed that not many talked about the types of intervention strategies that were most helpful in helping a child to know how to deal with their anger and what age is best to begin that infiltration of knowledge. The research lacks the importance of an awareness of self and how that can be effective in helping children cope with their emotions. Some of the sources talked about the ongoing experience and how that may relate to future behavior but left a gap in between. The news article and media clip, which came straight from the perspective of the ones who were abused or witnessed abused, shed a little more light on what can be

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

done to help children realize that they do not have to follow in the path of their abuser, how they can rightfully express their emotions without harming others and ultimately break the violence cycle.

I believe that family counselors would find my annotated bibliography interesting because they have the ability to gain a different perspective on what children actually go through during their observations of abuse and living in an abusive home and can better cater their counseling strategies to those types of children. I think this information is also vital to those who work in agencies where they may come in contact with children who come from an abusive home in order to effectively communicate with them and help the children to better cope with their anger. This topic is important to my group because we have all shared in an experience with domestic violence whether directly or indirectly and feel that there needs to be more attention placed on this issue. I have noticed that looking at this issue from a different perspective, possibly from another group member; can help the community in addressing the issue of domestic violence by showing the various ways in which abuse can affect others. This topic is important to the community I selected because this research allows for those who are marginalizedchildrento have a voice. Many times people say that children should be seen and not heard but in regards to this issue it is important for their perspective to be notedit could save lives. This topic is pertinent to the charlotte region because this area is not exempt of violent treatment in families. Violence is not exclusive and can occur towards anyone and starting in this city could lead to a greater area of change. Lastly, this topic is important in regards to pluralism in America because it shows my unique perspective of domestic violence but also how this thought process plays out in society among other viewpoints.

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

Hyden, M. and Overlien, C. (2009) Childrens Actions when Experiencing Domestic Violence. Sage Journals: Childhood. 16 (479). 479-496. DOI: 10.1177/090756820934375 These studies show, among other things, that domestic violence is not some - thing the children witness in the sense that they watch it passively from a distance. Children who experience violence in their homes experience it with all their senses. They hear it, see it and experience the aftermath. (Hyden and Overlien 2009, 480) This particular study had a child-centered approach which made it very different from other research in the field. It described the experience of the child rather than what they were exposed to. In the aforementioned quote, it is here that I realized the importance of the experience of the children and identifying it as an experience. It shows that children are not removed from the situation and that they are not a bystander of the violence but are actually immersed in the violence and the very aftermath of the abuse. The children equate blocking something out with their senses to an actual action that allows them to be distracted from the violence and yelling rather than actually plugging their ears or covering their eyes. Based on the textual evidence, I was able to infer that the manner in which the children coped with their feelings was passive and was reflected in their intentions to either divert attention from them or to divert the attention away from their mothers to them to take away the pain of the mother. The text reads: When Simons parents start fighting about something, Simon close[s] his ears. When the therapists ask him to explain what that means, he says I try not to care. Dina describes an episode of violence against her mother, from a small childs perspective. She doesnt describe the actual physical violence against the mother, but instead her actions, feelings and the extreme fear that keeps her from going to the bathroom. (Hyden and Overlien 2009, 7-8) In Simons case, he tried to close his ears and tries not to care by listening to music. He even turns up the music so that his father can then get mad at him and his parents can stop yelling at each other. On the other hand, Dina tried to tiptoe through her house and made sure to move discreetly out of fear of her father and what he would do if she made too much noise. With this evidence, I predict that this source will pose a question in regards to the coping strategies of these children and how effective they are in determining the behavior in the future for this child. This text provides for many opportunities of real life connection. Although not in my immediate life experience, I did have a boyfriend who was raised in a home where his father abused his mother. He attended counseling sessions when his mother decided to split from his father but the counselor did not think about an individualized plan for him but rather worked in a group setting and gave each person a generalized method of coping and dealing with their emotions. I feel this contributed to his short fuse as he grew older and he began to normalize his violent rants as a means to express his emotions. This also connects to the news article I used in this bibliography about a young woman who was abused as a child and who also desired for a more individualized approach to helping her learn how to express her emotions so that her life would not be consumed by constant arguing and bickering for her lack of ability to deal with that anger. In some cases, it is not always displaced anger, but the children may also have issues dealing with other emotions. As they grow older they may lose self confidence because they did not have control in that situation as a child. They may have a higher chance of being abused in the future because they did not have an adequate outlet in which they could express their emotions based on their experience. In the case of Michael Jackson, it was alleged that he and his brothers were abused by his father. Coupled with the stardom

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

and not having the opportunity to cope with those emotions, Michael later began to displace those feelings and often allowed people he thought truly loved and cared for him, take advantage of him, ultimately leading to his demise. This source was very useful because it provided for the information gap to be closed in regards to what could be done to help children from their stages of being abused to later in life how they behave and act in interactions with other people. This information is reliable because it was found in a peer-reviewed journal and the information was applicable to real-life circumstances. The goal of this source was to compare the actions of a child in a domestic violence situation during the experience to what they would do in a future event of the same circumstance. There is no absence of action in a domestic violence situation when it comes to the perspective of the child and the only matters that stood out in the study were: what the child actually did in the DV situation and what they would do if this occurred again in the future. This contributes to my research because it allows me to realize that interventions are situational and cannot be generalized to each child. There is not a standardized method in helping a child to deal with the emotions they experience but it leaves room for improvement in the research because it is necessary to not only focus on each situation but also how to assess this in the most efficient way as not to allow a persons ability to control their emotions get beyond the point of help.

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

Jackson, G. (2013, October 5). Former Darlington womans story an example of how domestic violence affects children. SCNow. http://www.scnow.com/news/local/article_57f7842e-2e0411e3-8f10-0019bb30f31a.html Its for your kids. I think something that a lot of adults forget because its hard to remember to be a child is its terrifying for children to watch adults in their lives screaming. Seeing someone hurt the other, its a huge predictor of problems later on, Hamilton said. (Jackson, 2013) The parents job is to produce children and have their genes in the next generation but along with that biological perspective is a social obligation as well. The parent stands as a role model for the childone who they are expected to learn their values from and what is right and wrong. A parent is supposed to be one that protects you and when these roles are not fulfilled, the child becomes fearful and confused. In this source, the author describes a woman who lost both of her parents due to domestic violence. Her father tragically killed her mother and then turned the gun on himself. She could barely remember the good times she shared with her entire family. She had suppressed many good memories because the violence is all that remained at the forefront of her thoughts. From the textual evidence, I see that there is a major need for mental health intervention at an early stage. This is reflexive in the life of the womans father. Based on the text, there appears to be a cycle of anger that occurred within the family. The father more than likely experienced a hard time in his life and was never taught how to express his emotions without harming someone. He inflicted the same pain onto his children who in turn were not able to effectively deal with the suppression of feelings and found themselves hurting more people and lashing out. In the future, I believe the woman will realize the importance of learning to deal with her emotions and will use her new found position to help others, especially children, who are in a similar situation to her and who she can help teach how to learn from what they experience. This text will contribute greatly to my research because it talks about involving teachers and coaches to help the children by becoming aware of the warning signs of a domestic violence situation in order to receive help as soon as possible for the children. The underlying theme of the article was the emphasis on the development of the child and the importance of understanding that if they grow up in violence they will learn to solve problems with violence. A common term or phrase used in domestic violence awareness and prevention is to break the silence. This article and story was a great reference to breaking the cycle of violence and starting with the children, helping them to learn how to cope with their aggression and other emotions so that they will not hurt others as they may have been hurt before. In the Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America course there was a class period where we were introduced to the concepts of autonomy, unity and alliance in regards to body movement in the particular class and its real life application. Throughout the class I learned that it took the progression of self to group for me to really understand my place in the world. I realized that I was comfortable in my autonomous self which gave me the courage to push pass my unique thoughts and formulate movement with a partner and furthermore to create an alliance with several people. This same realization occurred with the young woman from the news story. She had gone through her life with so much hatred in her heart but it was not until she began to look into herself that she realized how to truly overcome the pain. She learned the best way for her to cope with her own reality and grow from that experience. That allowed her to have positive conflict management with her husband and in turn helped her to be able to express her emotions in a way that did not

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

inflict pain on other people in her family; helping her to create that sense of alliance. She had the ability to invade the space of her sister, who was also suffering from the loss of her parents and having to deal with DV for the majority of her life and that help them to co-create this sense of awareness and helping each other to move past the hurt. There was a movie entitled, For Colored Girls, that had a few cases of domestic violence in the movie. There were a group of women who told their story through poems and at the end of the movie the women came together. Like in the news article and the connection with the discovery of self, these women were able to overcome their abuse by not allowing what the person did to them previously to affect how they interacted with other people. They learned to cope with their emotions and push forward and create a sense of community with a group of women who shared in their pain. It was important first to understand that their situations were not general and that they needed to look inside themselves to truly find the solution to their pain and create an individualized mechanism of healthy coping. (Perry, T., Hall, P., Bobb, R. 2010).Lastly, in regards to a connection to the world, this article sheds light on so many other stories that were related to this young womans experience. There are many causes of abuse in the home that affects the entire family and therefore this issue should be of significant focus when determining how to help our community. This source was very useful because it allowed for a first-hand account of DV in the home and its affect on not only the mother but the children as well. This story showed a sense of progression that really supports my thesis in that children need an intervention that is catered to them when dealing with teaching them how to express their emotions in order for them to learn from their past and not inflict the same pain on others. This source was a great addition to the bibliography because it provided more contexts to the previous article that discussed a study in which the researchers interviewed children about their experience of DV. This information is reliable because there are court records to back up the story in regards to the mother preparing to divorce the father and also with their being a murder involved; this was a documented case of violence. This source may have had some bias in it because it only came from the perspective of the children but that was the aim of the article I would argue. This source fits in with my research because it talks directly about a child who was abused and as a result of not having someone to help her deal with the emotions she was experiencing, began to lash out at her family members and she grew angry often. This source was helpful in supporting my thesis statement because as stated before it showed a sense of progression in the article from her childhood memories to her actions now as an adult. This source helps me to further confirm the importance of educating children in appropriately coping with their feelings in order to decrease their likelihood of causing harm or abuse to people they encounter in the future.

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

Turning Point (2012, February 21). Children of Domestic Violence [Video File]. Retrieved from http://youtu.be/ooFcxgL-Ark Someday Ill turn into a lady the world will be so lovely; someday. No crying, no scary dreams to wake me, each morning will surprise me my dream will come some day. (Turning Point 2012, 4:004:30) In the above statement, a little girl is walking along side a lakeshore while singing these lyrics to a tune playing solemnly in the background. She talks about seeing a bright future for herself despite the abuse she experiences each and every day. She equates the pain she is feeling and the loud noises she hears at night to scary dreams waking her. Each morning will be a surprise to her and not the usual abuse that she lives through each and every day; yet she still says someday after each of her statements showing that she still has hope but she understands that it will be far in the future. This story is but one narrative shared in the YouTube clip. Children talk about their experience with DV and also share a hand-drawn picture of what they look like when their father abuses their mother or what their father actually looks like when he performs abusive actions. Based on the textual evidence, I can infer that the agency is reaching out for help and assistance with the programs that they provide. Turning Point offers services for children who have been in DV situations and this video stands as evidence for the work they do in the childrens live s. The video opens with testimonials and pictures about the childrens experience and ends with how Turning Point has stepped in and helped make an impact on their lives. I predict that this video could possibly serve as a marketing tool to help others realize how important Turning Point is to children who have been in an abusive environment and possible to receive funding to continue to help these children. I believe this media clip will enhance my research by providing a focus on the childrens feelings independent of the mothers responses or actions that may prompt the child to not tell the entire story. This gives greater insight to this topic because it is the story straight from the child. The main idea of this video is to highlight some stories of children who experienced DV in their homes and how Turning Point helped them to express their emotions in a positive way even after experiencing years of violence. Turning Point was an unfamiliar organization to me but based on their website they state that they provide domestic violence education and support for the dependent children of the victims in shelter. Based on the video clip, the agency is doing just what they said they would do and even beyond that mission; they are impacting and changing lives. This media clip is related to the underlying ideas that helped Bill T. Jones to create his work, Promised Land as witnessed in the movie, Building the Promised Land. He stated that, Each member [of the dance troupe] all spoke the language differently and brought different past experiences to the production but they all danced and thats what brought them together. (Jones, B.T. 1992). Each of the stories shared in the YouTube media clip were just like this production. It took the unique story of each child to really bring forth the overall message of this video and that was to highlight the work that Turning Point did to help these children cope with their experience. The media clip also compares to the film, Enough, starring Jennifer Lopez. (Winkler, I. and Apted, M. 2002). In this movie, Jennifers character was physically and emotionally abused by her husband. They shared a daughter together and she was also a victim to the abuse when her father hired someone to follow Jennifer and the child in their car and almost run them off the road. The child was very fearful and before matters could get worse, was shipped off to stay with a close family friend. When the child returned she ran into her mothers arms not knowing that her father was gone and that would be the end to anymore violence she would have to endure. In this situation, removing the daughter from the environment could assist her in helping to cope with those emotions because she has not been exposed for a long period of time to the violence. Lastly, this text connects to the world it is another outlet for a media campaign to advocate for a significant causein this case, domestic

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November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

violence. Especially in the month of October, this video can be played with others but also allows the public to know that this is a year-round fight. This source is useful in that it allows for the audience to hear directly from the children as well as learn more about various agencies that help children in instances of domestic violence. It is different from the other sources because I am actually able to hear the voices of the children and witness their mannerisms when they speak rather than to read about what the interviewer described in the study. This information is reliable because it comes from an agency, Turning Point, that is a part of and recognized by United Way, another notable non-profit agency aimed to help those in need. This source may appear to have some bias as it is just the perspective of the kids but it is also good to note that parents are not involved in this storytelling which may sway the childrens viewpoint but they also could have been told to share their saddest memory. This source fits in to my research because it tells a great deal about children and the impact educating children on how to deal with their emotions without harming others can have on the childrens lives. This helps me to shape my argument because it further supports my point that this education is necessary in order for the children to progress socially. This video cements my thoughts about helping children in domestic violence situations by allowing them to start within and realize how to control their emotions in order to stop the violence in the future.

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

Hope Haven (2013, November 25) Personal communication On, Monday, November 25, 2013 I had the privilege of visiting Hope Haven in Charlotte, NC. The facility is tucked away from the busy traffic right off of Tryon Street. At first glance, it appears as if it is a large building with a few administrative offices and meeting rooms inside. My group mate and I walked into the building and were greeted by a receptionist at the door who paged our tour guide to the front desk. She arrived and announced herself as Debbie. She began to walk us around and introduce us to other staff members. We were able to see a few large rooms used as meeting space as well as see their cafeteria which we soon learned was much more than a place to eat. She told us that Hope Haven was founded to assist people who were in recovery from drug and alcohol abuse by providing them life skills within a supportive residential environment leading to independence. As she opened the door to the outside, we saw there were several little apartment buildings that resembled an old hotel. She noted that this was where the residents lived and this used to be a hotel that held a lot of drug dealers and users. This place was an amazing facility because the counselors offices were placed among the residents homes to provide that sense of community and allow the residents to know that counselors were there for them all of the time. I was able to infer that the success rate of this facility is high in relation to achieving its goals of helping the people and their families who come there to overcome the addiction and find stability. I predicted that the members of the residence were probably receiving some type of job training at the facility and after talking with Debbie learned that my prediction was true. The residents not only lived there but also worked in various departments to help generate revenue for Hope Haven and their families by working in the catering department (in the cafeteria), a commercial laundry unit and even building and grounds maintenance. Having everything in house as well as using these services to provide residents with jobs and training helps Hope Haven to keep running. They also offer counseling in the areas of : Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous meetings and more important to my research, development services for children as well as individual meetings with a psychiatrist to help them cope with their emotions and things they have experienced with their parents addiction. As a student at UNC Charlotte, I have had the privilege of meeting with a counselor about once a month on campus. I have the opportunity to share my most intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences with someone who maintains a neutral stance and does not know me personally to offer up judgment. I was so appreciative of this experience when going through my life circumstances and helping me learn how to express my emotions and I feel the children who visit Hope Haven feel the same way. They may interact with other children who are experiencing this and they also receive individualized attention. They have the opportunity to go through this experience with their families which provides them even more support. This source also connects with Aposhyans article, Embodied Relationship. She states, Life only exists in relationship to another life. We are born from the web of life to inhabit our bodies which are also inhabited in the web of life. We are always embodied. We are always living in relationship. We always live within a body within the web of life. From this point of view, the entire physical world supports each individual life. (Aposhyan 1999, 36) At Hope Haven, this is how they fulfill their mission. They give each resident individual and specialized care but also share stories in a group setting to show the level of care that is associated with recovery at the facility. When the residents realize there are other people who have similar situations and they share those experiences they can then begin to try and see things from another perspective and then the entire group begins to build on something new; showing the connections and intertwining lives. The work completed by Hope Haven is relevant to a worldview in regards to violence and its aftermath. There has been a significant increase in mental illness in recent times and even with this increase there is still a negative stigma in regards to receiving counseling. It appears as if the person is weak or has serious problems that deem them crazy or socially unfit. This may filter

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down to children who may not think that special attention is what they need but it is another factor in helping to break the violence cycle. This is a useful source because I was able to visit an environment that offers intervention for those who are in a troubled situation. This source is close to my inquiry groups chosen topic, domestic violence, because there is a correlation between drug and alcohol abuse and violence in the home. This information was reliable because I was able to talk with a staff member as well as receive a handout entitled, Hope Haven At a Glance, that mirrored what the staff member discussed. This source did not show much bias because they took into account the history of the abuser, worked with the abuser and their families as well as suggested areas for economic improvement. The goal of this source is to provide an outlet for expression for the people who come to the residence but also to help them to get back on their feet and be contributing members to societythey are allowed a second chance. This source fits into my research because it focuses highly on the intervention stage and helping people to deal with their situation and grow from that experience. This source was very helpful to me because it put all of my research into perspective and allowed for real life application of what I found in my study, article and media clip. I can use this source in my research project by highlighting the importance of specializing intervention in relation to children when helping them to move past their experience and cope with the emotions as not to inflict harm on their loved ones in the future.

Susan Thomas UNC Charlotte Dance Department

November 26, 2013 Movement, Dance and Meaning in Pluralistic America

References

Aposhyan, S. (1999) Embodied Relationship. In S. Aposhyan, Body-Mind Integration and Human Development (pp. 34-59). Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins. Jones, B.T. (1992). Uncle Toms Cabin/ Building the Promised Land [Documentary]. United States of America: BBC/VIEW Hyden, M. and Overlien, C. (2009) Childrens Actions when Experiencing Domestic Violence. Sage Journals: Childhood. 16 (479). 479-496. DOI: 10.1177/090756820934375 Jackson, G. (2013, October 5). Former Darlington womans story an example of how domestic violence affects children. SCNow. http://www.scnow.com/news/local/article_57f7842e-2e0411e3-8f10-0019bb30f31a.html

Perry, T., Hall, P., Bobb, R. (2010). For Colored Girls [Motion Picture]. United States of America: Tyler Perry Studios and Lions Gate Entertainment
Turning Point (2012, February 21). Children of Domestic Violence [Video File]. Retrieved from http://youtu.be/ooFcxgL-Ark Winkler, I. and Apted, M. (2002). Enough [Motion Picture]. United States of America: Columbia Pictures