Beloved Master: Recently you talked again about the adverse aspects of marriage.

Would you please talk about WHAT !" M#A$ B %$T%MA& ' (articularly) *hen is staying together through difficult times positive and *hen is it negative' ++!,H!:++ MARR%A-# %, A WA T! A.!%/ %$T%MA& . %t is a trick to create a formal relationship) intimacy is informal. %f marriage arises out of intimacy) it is beautiful 00 but if you are hoping that intimacy *ill arise out of marriage) you are hoping in vain. !f course) % kno* that many people) millions of people) have settled for marriage rather than for intimacy 00 because %$T%MA& %, -R!WTH A$/ %T %, (A%$1"2. MARR%A-# %, .#R ,#&"R#. %t is safe) there is no gro*th in it. !ne is simply stuck. Marriage is a se3ual arrangement) intimacy is a search for love. MARR%A-# %, A ,!RT !1 (R!,T%T"T%!$) A (#RMA$#$T ,!RT. !ne has got married to a *oman or to a man 00 it is a permanent prostitution. The arrangement is economical) not psychological) not of the heart. ,o remember) %1 MARR%A-# AR%,#, !"T !1 %$T%MA& ) TH#$ %T %, B#A"T%1"2. That means that everybody should have lived together before they get married. The honeymoon should not happen after marriage) it should happen before marriage. !ne should have lived the dark nights) the beautiful days) the sad moments) the happy moments) together. !ne should have looked into each other4s eyes deeply) into each other4s being. H!W T! /#&%/#' %f your intimacy is helping you to gro* and to become mature) then it is positive and good and healthy) *holesome. %f it is destructive and it is not allo*ing you to become mature... rather) it is helping you to remain childish) immature then it is unhealthy. A$ R#2AT%!$,H%( THAT 5##(, !" &H%2/%,H %, #.%2. -et out of it. Any relationship that gives you challenges to gro*) to go on an adventure) to go deeper and higher into life... % am not saying that a positive marriage *ill not have problems) it *ill have M!R# problems than the negative marriage. A positive relationship *ill have more problems 00 because every day ne* challenges *ill be there. But each time a problem is solved) you *ill have gone a little higher6 each time a challenge is taken) you *ill find something has become integrated in your being. A $#-AT%.# R#2AT%!$,H%( HA, $! (R!B2#M, 00 !R AT TH# M!,T) (,#"/!0

(R!B2#M,) so0called problems) not real problems. Have you not *atched it' Wife and husband fighting over trivia. They are not problems. #ven if you fight they don4t give you anything) they don4t help gro*th. Watch *ives and husbands) *atch yourself. ou may be a husband) a *ife 7",T WAT&H. %f you are fighting over trivia 00 small things *hich don4t mean anything any *ay 00 then you *ill remain immature) childish. Real problems) authentic problems) *hich really have to be faced) create great turmoil in your being6 they bring a cyclone. !ne has to face them. $ever avoid them. TH# TR%.%A2 8"#,T%!$, AR# A$ #,&A(# 1R!M TH# R#A2 8"#,T%!$,. A husband and *ife *ill fight on very small things: *hich film to go to and *hich not to go to6 *hat color car has to be purchased) *hat model) *hat make6 to *hat restaurant they are going this evening. ,uch trivia9 They do not make any difference. ou are making too much fuss about such problems and your relationship is not going to help you) give you any integrity) any center. % *ill call it negative. TH# (!,%T%.# R#2AT%!$,H%( W%22 1A&# R#A2 (R!B2#M,. 1or e3ample: if you are angry or if you are sad) you *ill be sad in front of your *ife) you *ill not smile a false smile. And you *ill say) 4% am sad.4 This has to be faced. %f) *alking on the road *ith your *ife) you see a beautiful *oman pass by and a great desire and longing arises in your heart) !" W%22 T#22 !"R W%1# THAT TH%, W!MA$ &R#AT#/ A -R#AT /#,%R#) ,T%RR#/ !"R H#ART. ou *ill not avoid her. ou *ill not take your eyes a*ay. And you *ill not pretend that you have not seen the *oman at all 00 *hether you pretend or not) your *ife has already kno*n it9 %t is impossible for her not to kno* because immediately your energy) your presence) changes. These are real problems. 7",T -#TT%$- MARR%#/ T! A W!MA$ /!#,$4T M#A$ THAT !" AR# $! 2!$-#R %$T#R#,T#/ %$ A$ !TH#R W!MA$. %n fact) the day you are not interested in any other *omen) you *ill not be interested in your *ife either. Why' 1or *hat' What has your *ife got that is special' %f you are no longer interested in *omen you *ill not be interested in your *ife either. ou are in love *ith her because you are in love *ith *omen still. ,he is :ust a *oman. And sometimes you come across a *oman *ho enchants you. ou *ill say it to your *ife. And you *ill face the turmoil that *ill arise. %t is not trivia 00 because it *ill create :ealousy. it *ill create a struggle) it *ill disturb all rest6 you *ill not be able to sleep at night. The *ife *ill be thro*ing pillo*s at you. T! B# TR"# &R#AT#, R#A2 (R!B2#M,. To be authentic creates real problems. And say *hatsoever is the case never demur) never look side*ays. 2ook straight and be

true. And help the *ife to be true. Help the husband to be true. es) there are problems in real intimacy) more problems than in a negative state) more problems. Because if you are really intimate *ith the *oman ho* can you avoid the fact that you become interested in another *oman' ou have to say it. That4s part of love) part of intimacy. !" /#$"/# !"R,#21) !" #;(!,# !"R,#21 T!TA22 ) !" /!$4T H!2/ A$ TH%$- BA&5. #ven if during the night you dream a dream about another *oman) in the morning you can relate it to your *ife. % have heard about a film director. /uring the night he started talking to his girlfriend in his sleep and he *as talking loudly. He *as saying beautiful things and the *ife started staring at him. When you are married) even in your dreams you remain afraid of your *ife) so suddenly he became afraid. What *as he saying' He felt his *ife looking at him and *ith great presence of mind he said) 4&ut9 $o* another scene.4 .... as if he *as directing a film9 %f you really love the *oman) in the morning you *ill tell her your dream 00 that you made love to a *oman in the night in your dream. #.#R TH%$- HA, T! B# ,HAR#/. The *hole heart has to be shared. %$T%MA& M#A$, THAT TH#R# %, $! (R%.A& . ou don4t carry anything private no* 00 at least *ith the person you are intimate *ith. ou drop privacy. ou are nude and naked. -ood) bad) *hatsoever you are) you open your heart. And *hatsoever the cost) you pay for it6 *hatsoever the trouble) you go through *ith it. That brings gro*th. A$/ !" H#2( TH# !TH#R (#R,!$ A2,! T! /R!( A22 %$H%B%T%!$,) ,&R##$,) MA,5,. %n an intimate relationship) one comes to see the original face of the other) and one comes to sho* his o*n original face. %f a relationship helps you to find your original face) then it is meditative) then it is religious. %f your relationship simply helps you to create more and more masks and hypocrisies) then it is irreligious. Try to understand my definition. %f my definition is understood then out of a hundred marriages) ninety0nine are irreligious because they are simply creating more and more falsity. 1R!M TH# .#R B#-%$$%$- TH# 1A2,%T ,TART,. % have heard: The minister) casting an appraising eye over the bridal couple before him and the

goodly cro*d come to *itness the ceremony) intoned) 4%f there is anyone here *ho kno*s *hy these t*o should not be :oined together in *edlock) let him speak no* or forever hold his peace.4 4%4ve got something to say)4 a voice rang out bold and clear. 4 ou shut up94 snapped the minister. 4 ou4re the groom94 1rom the very beginning9 They are not even married yet. The minister said) 4 ou shut up9 ou are the groom.4 A$/ THAT4, H!W TH# 2%1# !1 A MARR%#/ &!"(2# ,TART,. (eople keep <uiet) they don4t say anything. TH# /!$4T ,A TH# TR"TH AT A22. They pretend lies. They smile *hen they don4t *ant to smile) they kiss *hen they don4t *ant to kiss. $aturally) *hen you kiss and you don4t *ant to kiss) the kiss is poisonous. $aturally) *hen you don4t *ant to smile and you have to smile) your smile is ugly) it is political. A$/ TH#$ ,!M#H!W !$# -#T, A&&",T!M#/ T! TH#,# TH%$-,: one settles to the falsity) to the inauthenticity of life. And one consoles oneself in a thousand and one *ays: 4!h) *e4re very happy)4 insisted the husband. 4!f course) once in a *hile my *ife thro*s dishes at me. But that doesn4t change the situation one bit) because if she hits me she4s happy) and if she misses me %4m happy94 !ne by and by comes to such an arrangement 00 both are happy. The car in *hich the elderly couple *ere riding *ent over the cliff. %t *as an a*ful *reck. 4Where am %'4 moaned the man *hen he opened his eyes. 4%n heaven'4 4$o)4 said his da=ed *ife. 4%4m still *ith you.4 TH#,# ,#TT2#M#$T, AR# .#R H#22%,H. What you kno* in the name of relationship is :ust a pseudo0game. ,o remember it as a criterion: %1 !" AR# -R!W%$- M!R# A$/ B#&!M%$- A$ %$/%.%/"A2) if life is happening more to you) if you are becoming more open) if more beauty is felt in e3istence) if more poetry is arising in your heart) if more love flo*s through you) more compassion) if you are becoming more a*are... then the relationship is good. &arry on. Then it is not a marriage) then it is intimacy.

B"T %1 TH# R#.#R,# %, HA((#$%$-: if all poetry is disappearing and life is becoming prosaic6 if all love is disappearing and life is becoming :ust a load) a dead load6 if all song is dying and you are :ust living as a duty) then it is better to escape out of this prison. %t is better for you and it is better for the partner *ith *hom you are living. !,H! Tao: The (athless (ath .ol >) &h ?@: Tao Tantra am in Buddha Hall