TAXI RIDE

I was drivin my taxi one night when I stopped an picked this guy up. “Where to
buddy ?” I asked as he slipped into the back seat.
“I have to go back,“ he told me.
“Back where ?”
“Back in time.”
I glanced at him in the rear-view. “Well that’s no problem,” I told him, “but
you realise there’s a boundary charge if we leave this century ?”
“That’s okay,” he replied. “I know an Alchemist.”
“An Alchemist !” I scoffed. “All they’re good for is makin lead. I don’t take
lead.”
He laughed. “That’s just what Jackie Kennedy said,” he told me.
“Hey, I was related to Jackie Kennedy once,” I informed him.
“There’s no doubt abut that,” he remarked, “I recognise your hairstyle.”
“Yeah I know - blood suits me,” I said dryly.
He was silent for a couple of minutes, just starin out the window then he
turned an spoke again. “My sister had a kid one time an he couldn’t do a thing for
himself because he was a mongol,” he told me. “They called him Genghis Khant.”
“Too bad,” I sympathised. “Mind if I smoke ?”
“Good idea,” he replied, tossing a zipped leather pouch onto the passenger
seat next to me. “Roll one with mine.”
I rolled a thick one an we smoked. We sat awhile just smoking an starin out at
the traffic. I noticed a subtle change in the night. Like dimensions were slowly
alterin. I realised this was good weed.
“So which century do you want to go back to ?” I asked him eventually.
“Take a wild guess,” he told me an started takin off his overcoat.
I turned for a look an saw he was wearin the outfit of a Captain in the SS. He
brought out a peaked cap complete with its Death’s Head badge an put it on.
“Berlin. November 1941. Outside the Reichstag,” he instructed. “I have to pick
up a package.”
“Okay. When we get there should I wait ?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he replied. “Keep the engine runnin. I won’t be long.”
I cruised off, headin to the slip-way for the time-travel highway. We smoked
as we drove. I enjoy a smoke when I’m drivin at night. How time flies when you’re
enjoyin yourself. An so it flew. Back the way. Good job I was licensed for time-
travel.
Berlin,1941, outside the Reichstag. Swastika flags everywhere. Good natured
Nazis prowled the streets, stoppin Jews an tellin them jokes an givin them
cigarettes. I was goin to get out for a piss then remembered I was circumcised -
Christ, I hate jokes.
We parked an the Captain slipped out into the night.
As I sat there waitin, footsteps approached. They stopped at the car an I
glanced up. A guy in a black overcoat flashed his Gestapo badge at me an motioned
for me to roll down the window.
When I did he bent down an conveniently spoke in English. “I suffer from
reverse paranoia,” he informed me.
“What are you paranoid about ?” I asked him.
“I keep thinking I’m not being followed,” he told me.
I glanced back in the direction he’d come from - there was no-one around.
“See what I mean,” he said an strolled off.
The Captain returned a few minutes later an slipped into the back seat. He
looked relieved. “Home,” he ordered.
“Did you collect the package ?” I asked him.
He patted his overcoat pocket an nodded.
I was curious. “What’s in it ?”
“Designs for tattoos,” he told me. “Secret tattoos.”
“How secret ?“ I asked.
 “They have to be done on the inside of the skin,” he replied.
“Makes sense,” I said, noddin.
Rain started to fall. It was cold, dark an rainy. How I loved nights like
that. I rolled another smoke an decided to take the long way home.