Psychiatry Activist - May 2003
MANAGERIUM-A NEW ELEMENT
From Our Science Correspondent – Dr P. V. Horsefeather.
Research on elementary
particles has revealed that the
heaviest element known to
science, Administratium, exists
in two forms.
The newly discovered element,
Managerium, is unique in that it
has no protons or electrons, which
means that it has an atomic
number of 0. However, it does
have 1 neutron, 125 deputy
neutrons, 75 assistant deputy
neutrons, 11 assistants to the
assistant deputy neutrons, 1
secretrino and 273.4 resource
managerions. This gives it an
atomic mass number of 513. The
513 particles are held together by
a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-
like particles called memos.
Since it has no electrons
Managerium is inert. It can be
detected chemically because it
seems to impede every reaction in
which it is present. According to
one investigator a single atom of
Managerium made a reaction that
normally takes less than a second
take over four months. The results
support the Grand Unified Theory
of the Universe which states that
time is as long as a piece of
string.
Like Administratium,
Managerium has a half-life of
approximately three years. It
does not actually decay. Instead,
after molecular aggregation
('meetings'), it seems to vanish
into the limbo of the space-time
continuum where it undergoes a
reorganisation. Deputy neutrons,
assistant deputy neutrons,
assistants to the assistant deputy
neutrons, the secretrino and
resource
managerions e x c h a n g e places.
Some studies have indicated that
the atomic mass number usually
increases after each
reorganisation. Where the new
element differs from
Administratium is in the nature
of its elementary particles:
Managerium has twice the
number of berks.
Studies based upon the work of
Professor Stephen Hawking of
the University of Cambridge
have shown there are at least six
different ‘flavours’ of berk—up,
down, strange, charmed, top and
fundament. Managerium is
extraordinary in that it has berks
with charmed fundaments. These
exert a strong attractive force on
the particle of spin ½ — known
as the massive vector bosom—
unique to the secretrino. When
an accurately aligned bosom hits
a fundament the collision can
produce energy equivalent to
around one thousand million
electron volts (100 G e V ) - t h e
‘Big Bang’. Was the delay in the
scientific discovery of
Managerium due to this berk/
spin affinity?
It might be thought that finding
the answer to this would be the
ultimate triumph of human
reason—for then we would know
the nature of God. However,
even at the highest resolution
and with the use of a telescopic
lens Managerium rotates at a
frequency such that it is merely a
blur and can never be contacted
by telephone.
When the critical mess of
Managerium is reached it may
transmute into the unstable
isotope Directorium. As a result
the berk spin of ½ may go round
and round in ever decreasing
circles and disappear
up its fundamental (black hole).
Current researche indicates that
Directorium has a half life which
corresponds to that of one gin
and tonic. q
(This article has been prepared by our
Science Correspondent, Dr P. V.
Horsefeather. Dr Horsefeather is a
Consultant at The Anahula, Sanitarium,
Bogwater Farm, Tristan da Cunha,
TV751QX. A brief description of
Administrarium was contained in a
Newsletter of the University of St Loko -
published some time ago and reprinted
elsewhere. The original article may have
been Australian; if further details are known
Psychiatry Activist would be glad to receive
them.)
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Psychiatry Activist are not necessarily
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