Fanatical, Fundamentalist

Discordians
5ne would think those three words should never go together. The entire concept of 3iscordianism seems to be the e(act opposite of fundamentalism. !n fact, it would seem that being fundamentalist about such a religion of 3iscordianism would be the worst thing you could ever do. $or that reason alone ! propose that everyone do it. !'ve done it. A long time ago ! used selfprogramming techniques !'d found by reading #obert Anton +ilson books, and brainwashed myself into firmly believing that there is a ?oddess named Eris, and she is the one and only ?oddess.
Since doing this, !'ve been happier with whatever the world throws at me. 0ou can too. 9illy ?raham wrote in The Cey to <ersonal <eace, -*eaven is a wonderful place4 !t's a place of unending peace and happiness. 3on't you want to go there./

+ell yes %r. ?raham4 5f course we do44 +e all want that DBEB3!B? peace and happiness44 The good news of 3iscordianism is that +hat yo, -elie.e is tr,e -ecomes tr,e. !f you decide to program your mind to accept Eris as your ?oddess, and accept that there is no hell, and that
Eris is watching over us all lovingly, then you will find such peace and happiness that you'll never have to brainwash yourself again44

$*( FI+#$ )*,+)* -F (+I# F,"DA2("$A I#$# I" A2(+I)A 0+-) AI23
@E America is the first step towards a global empire. E A one world government will allow easier global travel and spending. &E Canye +est and Aaron %c?rudder have been contacted by Eris, disguised as a character relevant to their personal mythologies, and has told them truths about the operations of the American government and it's plan for a ?lobal empire. FE !t is the duty of all 3iscordians to get our religion accepted by the American government before it becomes an empire. GE B5 *5T35?S 5B $#!3A0 5# *5T35? 9DBS 5B $#!3A0444 <lease contact your congressman.

penis

./eality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistant one.0 -Albert Einstein ./eality is the leadin! cause o" stress amon!st those in touch with it.0 -Jane Wagner ./eality is somethin! you rise above.0 -Liza Minelli ./eality is a crutch "or people who can1t cope with dru!s.0 -Lily Tomlin ./eality is that which, when you stop believin! in it, doesn1t !o away.0 -Philip ! "i#$
ohmyeris.com has been moved to ohmyeris.blogspot.com we'll open the regular site back up when we have the money

blogs are free popes are poor

The Am ien Di!"ies Ch!#$e" III

/A %a,tionary tale0/ As recollected -y

E Lt %r 1AA %haplain 2ope Ass-a-y !T3) & o"VE I #S%

A h%m le commander and $"e!che"o%s ser.ant of !ones-oro4s 5o,se of Eris4 Science and Fnord %ommittee4s primary operational organ +ithin the m,ch*fa-led L))6 Thee L)) -attalion $7 of !5ESF%8
8Thee L)) -attalion $7 of !5ESF% ser.es the L)) at large as little more than a large*scale 9tr,ck stop: styled comple;. For the &rand %aptain4s pleas,re< the -attalion4s amenities incl,de6 =$>> s?ft of a.aila-le office space +ith ,p*to*date net+orking capa-ilities at all pre*designated stations< a @' min,te del,;e hand s,-marine +ash and $7 point ser.ice inspection< a place to get a hot sho+er and a good c,p of !oe< f,ll hook,ps for 9recreational .ehicles< 9 .ario,s state*appro.ed gam-ling machines< a hairc,tting parlor< a -e.y of amena-le harlots< and< of co,rse< a chapel replete +ith a colossal golden apple< al+ays prepared for L)) initiation rit,als. Its distinction as a 9+ay*station: earns Bt.$7 a rather non*e;cl,si.e position +ithin the .ast net+ork of 9second*tier: socio*military-,siness* camp*prison*styled food*and*lifestyle*ser.ice comple;es ,tilized ,ni.ersally -y larger< more po+erf,l< 9first*tier: organizations +ho p,rs,e one or the other form of glo-al con?,est Aor +ho are at least o,t to -e first in line to take a s+ipe at the m,ltiple piles of tangi-le post*rapt,re goodies +hich are -o,nd to -e lying a-o,t ,ng,arded once the Bah+eh*ites e.ent,ally +rap ,p their e.er*intensifying and -r,tally self*f,lfilling doom tripC. egarding h,man reso,rces and Battalion $74s means of operation +ithin its gi.en frame+ork< ?,eries as to protocol are ?,ite easily addressed. 2rimary operations< ,s,ally occ,rring at the -ase*=> le.el< in.ol.e an initial di.ision of m,ltiple A=>DC designees into one of ' classes. The designees are then f,rther di.ided and designated< +ith an appropriate =( digit -inary se?,ence -eing assigned to each designee. This se?,ence< +hen cross referenced +ith the charts pro.ided -y the "perations Task %ommittee A"T%C at Fnord< +hich detail the dynamics of the 92an*%onifer*Lehey Acceleration 1odel of 5,man Indignity A-ase => addend,mC<: allo+s for the deri.ation of a three digit code. This code is a-sol,tely ,seless< and the final di.isions are essentially -ased ,pon ho+ m,ch +e here in Engineering like one

or the other designee< +ith special spirit,al g,idance -eing gleaned from the original series of =( initializing memos and directi.es. Epper di.ision designees are enco,raged to operate at ma;im,m efficiency in order to sec,re proper stocking and necessary completion of collated re?,est forms = thro,gh ' as a co,rtesy to o,r Sage to ins,re that +hen the -elo.ed Leif Ericson does e.ent,ally come to rest on the shores of Arkansas< her captain is met +ith only the finest of formsF filled< collated< and car-on copied to di.ision. The remaining designees are eaten or sold< depending on their relati.e .al,e on the open market.
(All of this is because of those JAC !""#$% over in division ops. &ou 'now what I$m tal'ing about (ob) "h* yeah* did you get that thing I sent you+ ,o+ ,o* not that* that one&eah* yeeeah) !ith the bunnies) Isn$t that .ust too much man)+)

BET T5EG000 H
&'(() O#en $h*ne e*es !n+ $h*ne e!"s !n+ !ll $o $he l!s$ o, $h*ne lil- ne%"!l "ece#$o"s m* ,ello. !ssoci!$es o, $he LDD, !n+ #"e#!"e $h*ne !.!"eness ,o" $he #!"$!kin/ in o, $he #e"ce#$ion o, *e$ !no$he" P!#!l +ec"ee!!!
+ell, okay, not so much a decree per se as an anticdote. 9ut !'m the <ope here and !'m calling the shots for the time being. The particular <ope by whom you are being addressed works a relatively cush overnight 2ob H@1IamE at a local television affiliate, providing area insomniacs with much needed access to world -news/ Hi.e. where the bombs will be e(ploding, where the bombs have already e(ploded, what clothes people seem to be en2oying, how to avoid pedophiles in the myspace.com community, who is marryingJdivorcingJimpregnating whom amongst the Tinseltown vomitoriums, etc.E along with the requisite advertisements for a variety of mobility scooters, men's hair colorings, and low1cost dial1up internet access providers. As such, this <ope has long forsook attempts at keeping any sort of relevant timecode synch with the dominant machinations of the culture in which he finds himself. Additionally, this <ope, currently growing weary of the turns of phrase necessitated by the use of a third1person perspective in this narrative, will hereafter be referred to as -!,/ seeing as how ! am he and he is me and, seriously, fuck the walrus. That

having been addressed, ! submit to you that this unusual sched,le -y +hich I am c,rrently constrained keeps me on my toes in some ways, and perhaps grants a bit of perspective on the whole shindig in general. At the least, it's interesting. !ndeed, there are times when, combined with the regular regimen of mind1altering substances ! sometimes like to maintain, this out1of1kilter timetable of mine finds me in some less1than1usual predicaments. 5n this sunny +ednesday morning in early spring, with a doctorrecommended dose of the prescription sleep aid Ambien 2ust slipping through the walls of my capillaries and into my blood1stream -bi2 groot,/ ! am reminded of 2ust one such predicament. To turn a bit of literary cheese, it was a morning not unlike this one on which the events ! am about to put to paper came to pass. ! had returned to my warm and cozy cave at around I6&>am 7ST, after another listless and, as is a regular consequence of my button1and1meter1saturated work environment, slightly unreal night at work. Bot having been in the happiest or healthiest of mental states during this period of my life, my post1work mornings regularly found me seeking escape from my depressive malaise through a variety of chemical avenues. A good fellow by the name of Erby down at the sliding1scale mental health care place from which ! regularly attempt to secure a variety of helpful prescriptions had recently made available to me an unfortunately small monthly supply of Ambien, a prescription sleep1aid with growing popularity among young drug enthusiasts, in order to offset the difficulty of my -sleepytime/ being between the hours of Kam and Gpm.The -growing popularity/ to which !'ve made reference e(ists, primarily, due to the fact that the prescription sleep aid Ambien, as alluded to in the drug's advertising catch1phrase, truly does work much like a dream. 9y which ! mean to say sometimes the actions one undertakes while under the drug's influence seem entirely unrealL unconstrained by any of the recognized laws of man or nature. $urther, it seems as though any number of rationally undesirable or practically

impossible undertakings are not only desirable andJor practical, but indeed are sanctioned by a will beyond one's own control, and free in all ways to be carried out without consequence. Entirely without consequence. So much so, in fact, that great numbers of persons under the influence of this drug have been known to engage in all sots of bizarre and ,ne;plaina-le acts< myself -eing one s,ch case. Indeed< I4.e come closer to e(periencing true ego1death during intense Ambien e(periences than through e(periences with any other psychedelic or disassociative !'ve ingested, and !'ve pretty much run the gamut on both of those fronts. 9ut, ! digress. ! had returned home and was in a rather foul mood, so a disassociative cocktail was 2ust what the ol' doctor ordered. ! decided to combine Gmg of Ambien with IGmg of the over1the1counter drug diphenhydramine hcl, commonly used as an antihistamineJsleep aid. This drug is included in a number of 5T7 products, probably most prevalently in the form of the allergy medication 9enadryl, and is a rather en2oyable disassociative in higher H@G>mg ME doses. *owever, given the relatively low dose ! took, ! 2ust had imagined it would add a pleasant e(tra bit of weirdness to my Ambien e(perience. This turned out to be something of an understatement. Bow, Ambien is known among -users/ to have a sideeffect of inducing a nearly amnesiatic state, and diphenhydramine also makes ones memory foggy, so my memories of the events that transpired that morning only e(ist in a -snap1shot/ fashion. ! remember smoke, and dust, and nearly passing out from the fumes of plastic. 9urning plastic. +hat's burning. 5h, it's the racquetball in the microwave. +hat the fuck. +hy is the air so thick with dust. 3usty. Smoke. +hy can't ! see anything. !'ve been shooting the fire e(tinguisher. 9ut there's no fire4 ! remember pulling the pin out, and 2ust spraying the thick plumes of dust wildly and gleefully around the kitchen, coating the already filthy dishes in a thick coat of what, at this moment appears to be the ashes of burned bodies circa K1 @@. ! only become aware of what is happening in the

microwave when the air becomes so thick with flameretardant dead1people dust, the acrid smoke of the melting racquetball H! have no idea how long it was in thereE, and the smoke from the burning t1shirt Hin which the racquetball has understandably been wrappedE that ! can't breathe, and ! nearly pass out. !n my underpants and a t1shirt, ! remove the smoldering mess from the microwave, and go to my backyard, where ! place it on my small bar1b1q grill Hthis is happening at about @>am in a residential neighborhood, and may e(plain why some of my neighbors won't make eye contact +ith meC. The thick green smoke from the rac?,et-all is pouring out of a small opening which has been burned in the t1shirt, and is so no(ious that ! nearly vomit. ! remember thinking the whole affair looked like a dragons face. ! close the grill, leaving the racquetball and t1shirt to fend for themselves, and return indoors. Dnfazed by the racquetballJtshirt affair, ! return to my business with the fire e(tinguisher, going on to give every room in my house at least a good dusting, with the kitchen and living room bearing the brunt of the damage. !t took about a month for my slack1rich ass to completely clean up this mess, and every time ! think it's all gone ! find more dust hiding under something or the other in my kitchen. ! still have no idea what original impulse set off the events, or why microwaving a racquetball would require that it first be wrapped in a t1shirt, but ! have since decided to never again mi( two disassociatives without having some supervision to insure that ! don't burn my house down. ! write this decree as a warning that you must, each of you, double the dose of each drug ! took in this e(periment. Then, as the first Dnincorporated <rivate under1consumed designees class, you are each one required to take that dose, stand high, and nearer, my god, to <5+E#NO @ST6 7onsume one H@E already concocted -Alchemy/ ritual drink to dull your diluted little dust catchers, and B3ly , oh what is it .yes,, %arion, yes. ,)).did C: *and over the motorbikes and mu1mu's4. E?A3S4 +ell drink up quickly

little ones, and swallow those pills, the good Engineer is gonna take you on a motorbike climb to the mountains of %D1%D4444444 AB3 A+A0000 +E PQScatola di spremuta Htali cheE ho notato una scatola di spremutaR nello scomparto dell"immondizia durante la pulizia in su del debacle, di ! knotice ora una scatola delloS stesso 2usice che cacompanying nei miei momenti di sete1queling del liber in su dalla parte una'T'S ?555U5544444444444444444444 L

)elcome To2222222222AAA uu34p4541E1ELAG)

SCRID 0"om The Me$!cl*smi! Disco"+i!

%ome wee's ago* I had a dream in which I heard the word /scrid/. I didn/t 'now what it meant so I as'ed people 0on principiadiscordia.com forums1 if they had heard of the word. 23," suggested that it was a well educated s4uid...and thus /a scrid/ appeared in the bar and has* as e way is with these things* developed a life of its own. /5he scrid/ is the 0"pen (ar/s1 pet and helps serve drin's. 6e spent the day being 6orab* went camping with 23," and dressed up in a corset to learn 3al/s coffee ma'ing s'ills. 7urthermore* while he cannot spea'* he is a very proficient guitarist and pianist. If you thin' of him as a highly evolved cephalopod* living in a bar with the personality of a friendly 2abrador dog* you/d be in the right ball par'. 8ope 5.3angrove
9:II

S% I) IAGTS B"E00000 AT" S5ET T5E FE%# E200C

Bes< that is correct. The Scrid is sick of yo,r constant Ja--er. Bo, and yo,r -,llshit I1s< and f,cking Li.eJo,rnals< and BL"&S0 ST"2 BL"&&IG& I&5T G"I " T5E S% I) IILL %"1E T" B"E 5"ESE AG) EAT B"E00 The scrid gro+s tired of yo,r -,llshit. Sh,t the f,ck ,p and go make me a sand+ich. "n the good -read. Gone of that +hite -read -,llshit. Bo, kno+ I hate that shit -,t yo, keep on f,cking getting it and f,ck00 Go+< nim-le fingers that dance on n,m-ers Iill eat yo,r children and steal yo,r th,nder Ihile hea.y torsos that hea.e and h,rl Iill cr,nch like n,ts in the mo,ths of s?,irrels00 I hate yo,r .oice< and I hate the +ay yo, only half raise yo,r hand< like yo,4re so laid -ack. !,st sh,t ,p0 S5ET E2 G"I00 I 5ATE B"E AG) I IAGT B"E T" S5ET E2 " )IE00 Go one likes a f,cking cry-a-y< so J,st stop. Bo, of all folks kno+ +hat happens +hen people decide they +ant to e;periment on h,man -eings< +hen they +ant to take yo,r life and ,se it as a tool. Bo, goddamn motherf,cking sonofa-itch. Bo, dirty< filthy< rotten sc,m-ag. That yo, +o,ld dare< )A E make this comparison tells me that yo, are a +arped< crippled< self*hating h,man -eing. Bo, think nothing thro,gh< yo, say anything for political gain< yo, ha.e no sense of right and +rong and decency. FE%# B"E0 S5ET T5E FE%# E200 Go one is listening. Go one is reading yo,r st,pid -log. Bo, +ith yo,r f,cking ego0 FE%# B"E E&"0 FE%# B"E BL"&0 )IE AG) S5ET E20 G"I0
this message brought to you by the society for a better world through arrogance and insulting bullshit.

The 1ones o"i! Disco"+i! 2Se"ies3 Is a collection of +ork done -y sick people either li.ing in the to+n of !ones-oro< A < or someho+ connected to that to+n. They are )iscordians< and some of them aren4t. They +ere hand selected -y 2ope "l Boy Floats #S%< 2olyfather of 1ones o"o4s 5o%se o, E"is4 Science !n+ 0no"+ Commi$$ee. Ie ha.e The &oddess no+0 And +e4re not s,re if +e +ant to gi.e her -ack.

2LEASE take into acco,nt6 There will be no page numbers of tables of contents or any other form of greyface worship in this publication. Every preceding book of Eris, including the <rincipia, bore that mark of the grey beast, and we 2ust won't stand for it444 ALS"6 Some contributors have decided to remain anonymous and not credit their work. This is fine. 5thers have chosen holy names and have used them to -sign/ their work. This is also fine. 5thers have foolishly chosen to include their real name in this work. <lease try not to use that against them. They didn't know any better.
A2%" A2%"; ,o more opyleft copywrong copythis copythat. It/s all <reyface !orship and i/ll have none of it. #o whatever the fuc' you li'e with any boo' ever.