GOLIATHS

CLASH
Howard M. Guttman

WHEN

MANAGING EXECUTIVE CONFLICT TO BUILD A MORE DYNAMIC ORGANISATION

onflict. Its a fact of life. And very few of us know how to resolve it effectively. Instead, we try to avoid it. Because we are afraid to face it directly, conflict goes underground where it can do untold damage to our business. Underground conflict subtly sabotages your team and eventually your organisation. Communication channels break down, old resentments fester and accusations are made in whispers. Your team is no longer aligned with strategic goals, the issues become complicated with personal animosity and the strain of pretending everything is fine takes its toll. Before long, your team is too busy infighting to take the fight to your competitors. Unresolved conflict and its toxic effects can poison your team and spread throughout your entire business, with costly results. In our high-speed, high-tech business environment, conflicts can spiral out of control faster than ever before. I N T H I S S U M M A RY When Goliaths Clash teaches effective conflict management techniques that improve team communication and alignment. Prevent email conflict from undermining your team. Become a better manager by testing and improving your leadership skills. The skills you are about to learn are an essential key to creating a truly high-performing team and a world-beating business.

Rules of Engagement E-Conflict Conflict Management Tools for Leaders The Leadership Litmus Test

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Howard M. Guttman is the force behind Guttman Development Strategies Inc. He has held executive positions at Johnson & Johnson and Automatic Data Processing and been an adjunct professor at the Graduate School of Management at Rutgers University and the Graduate School of Psychology, Fairleigh Dickinson University. Since 1989, Guttman Development Strategies has worked with clients internationally to align strategy and operations, build high-performance teams and manage conflict. INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES All human beings are different. In any situation we bring our different: Wants and needs Values and beliefs Assumptions and interpretations Degrees of knowledge and information Expectations and culture When these differences become apparent, conflict is the likely result. But this does not mean we must end up in an argument. We can have differences without taking them personally or needing to fight about them. GOING-IN STORIES Many of our differences are really differences of perception. Our perceptions create expectations and core beliefs, and we rely on our perceptions to guide us in dealing with others. One type of expectation is what we call a going-in story. Going-in stories are preconceived notions people bring to their interactions. These stories can be positive or negative. They may have been developed in childhood or be the result of specific positive or negative experiences. Negative going-in stories can be a major obstacle to effective conflict management. Destructive stories such as I am just the new kid on the block and no-one will listen to me or Being a woman means that I will always be at a disadvantage in a corporate environment can prevent people from speaking honestly about issues and proposing solutions. Letting go of these destructive stories opens the way for honest communication, which is essential for effective conflict management. To avoid being trapped by going-in stories, use the input of others to test, modify and possibly jettison some of these perceptions. This can open up new ways of seeing ourselves and others and enable us to resolve conflicts more successfully.

A MATTER OF STYLE When it comes to communication, style is substance. Each individuals approach to interpersonal communication is different and speaks volumes about the person. These differences are personal and cultural and to communicate effectively we need to be aware of our own personal communication style. In general terms, we all fall somewhere along the communication continuum from non-assertive at one end, to assertive in the middle and aggressive at the opposite extreme. A non-assertive person is likely to downplay his or her own needs and viewpoint. This helps in getting along with others but can generate resentment and hidden agendas as the persons needs go unnoticed. An assertive person speaks their mind, states their needs and owns their viewpoint without forcing the issue. While this may at times be unpopular, it means that the persons cards are on the table. Even if they do not achieve the desired outcome, their position has been made clear. The aggressive person forcefully advances their own position, sometimes shouting down and psychologically, or even physically, overpowering others. This may achieve the desired outcome but it is usually very damaging to interpersonal relationships. It can be very helpful to have our colleagues tell us where they place us on this continuum and compare their perceptions to our own. Sometimes just becoming aware of how others perceive us can revolutionise our ability to communicate effectively. Organisations have their own style or personality. They use hierarchical structures and policies and procedures that can cause friction between staff members. These elements can create or intensify conflicts if staff members perceive them as unfair. The constant change that permeates life in the corporate world and the ever-present push towards growth creates a high-pressure atmosphere. The environment is ripe for conflicts to be created and pushed to breaking point. Conflict can bubble under the surface or explode into arguments and accusations. Latent conflict may promote the illusion of unity and consensus, but in reality, it can be very dangerous. It can prevent conflict from being brought to the surface where it can be discussed and effectively resolved. The culture of the organisation is critical in determining whether conflict remains hidden or is tabled for discussion. THE FEAR FACTOR From an early age, we are given negative messages about conflict. We are taught to turn the other cheek, let sleeping dogs lie and if you dont have anything nice to

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say, dont say anything. These messages encourage us to hide our discontent, stifle our opinions and resist open and honest resolution of conflict. Instead of learning to be comfortable dealing with conflict directly, we learn to hide our true feelings and turn to third parties for temporary relief. Fear sabotages effective conflict management. When people are afraid to bring highly charged issues into the open, they do not encourage honest discussion and sharing of opinions. Refusal or resistance to discussing issues can devalue authentic communication and promote subterfuge and double-dealing. TEST YOUR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IQ Is your business strategy fuzzy? Are there regular debates about what it means? Are people often late or absent when meetings are called? Do meetings regularly disintegrate into chaos? Do meetings multiply because issues are never resolved? Can you feel the tension when a certain issue is raised or a particular person walks into the room? Are post-mortems common? Are priorities always changing? Is ownership of issues uncertain? Are people unsure of their authority to act? Do to do lists never get done? Is there an ever increasing lag time between making decisions and implementing them? Are decisions made by a select few or at the other extreme, are executive committee meetings run by popular vote? Do disagreements require a referee? Are discussion and debate discouraged? Is silent agreement the norm? The more questions you answered with a yes, the greater your organisations need to examine its behaviour and take corrective action. EXPECTING PEOPLE TO RESOLVE THEIR DIFFERENCES WITHOUT GIVING THEM CONFLICTMANAGEMENT SKILLS IS LIKE GIVING A COMPUTER TO SOMEONE WHOS NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE AND SAYING, HAVE FUN USING THIS FOUR COMMON WAYS OF DEALING WITH CONFLICT 1. Play the victim say nothing, act powerless and complain

Playing the victim is subversive. Conflict is driven underground where it saps the vitality of the organisation. Victims focus inward on their unresolved issues and reach out to recruit supporters for their point of view. This exacerbates the situation, creating hard feelings and delaying the inevitable. 2. Leave physically remove oneself from involvement We can turn away from friends, get a divorce or quit our jobs. But how many times can we run away? Conflict is inevitable. It is crucial to find effective ways to deal with it. 3. Change oneself move off ones position, shift ones view of the other party or let it go Changing yourself can sometimes be helpful. We can try to achieve a better outcome by changing our stories or our interpretation of others behaviour. This can be an effective tool for minimizing stress and increasing effectiveness. But what happens when all attempts to reframe our perceptions dont work? 4. Confront address the issue openly, candidly and objectively; communicate with the other party Confronting is the most effective way to resolve issues. When issues are confronted honestly and openly from the outset, problems can be resolved quickly and without prolonged agony. We need to begin by exploding the myths we believe about conflict. Such myths include the belief that conflict is caused by malcontents who cannot or will not change; that teamwork requires a conflict-free environment; that confronting others about business issues is equal to a personal attack. These myths do not address the fundamental truth that conflict is a fact of life. Of course, care must be taken not to ignite thermonuclear war! This is where a confrontation strategy comes in. THE FOUR CS STRATEGY This strategy for confronting and managing conflict should enable you to effectively resolve disputes. C1 Connecting Establish a rapport that is conducive to discussing mutual needs. Check with the person the best time and place for your meeting. Make sure that you have privacy and wont be disturbed. A neutral, non-threatening environment is best. Allow plenty of time for both parties to prepare for the meeting and cover the important issues. Use your behaviour to show the other person that you are receptive to their viewpoint. It can be hard to start a discussion that is likely to become adversarial. The best approach is to use partnering phrases such as:

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I have some concerns about the way we are making decisions that I would like to explore with you. We seem to have some fundamental differences about how to market the new product and Id like to address them with you. C2 Clarifying Until both parties are clear about one anothers issues, it is impossible to negotiate a mutually satisfying outcome. The ideal place to begin is by using active listening skills to encourage the other party to open up about their real issues. Assertion skills will also help you to describe the behaviours you are concerned about and the reasons for your concern. C3 Confirming Confirming is summing up the facts and restating the issues to ensure that everything has been understood and all issues have been addressed. It is equally important to summarize the emotional progress that has been made. At this point, both parties may be eager to move to action, but investing a few extra moments in confirming will ensure the next step is not only easier but also more effective. C4 Contracting Contracting is the final stage. It involves finding the winwin solution that both parties can commit to. Letting go of going-in stories is important here as it frees all parties to be honest about what the next step should be and how it should be taken.

Resolve it or let it go The longer conflict remains unresolved, the greater the risk that it will poison the goodwill and smooth operation of the team. Some teams operate on a deadline of twenty-four or forty-eight hours to resolve a conflict. If a resolution has not been reached within the defined timeframe, both parties are held responsible to let the issue go completely and move on. Dont accuse in absentia Even criminals have a right to hear the charges against them and defend themselves. Whenever an issue is raised which involves an absent team member, the team owes it to that person to postpone the discussion until the person is available to be involved in the debate. Dont personalise issues Its important when giving and receiving feedback to adopt an objective and depersonalised position. Depersonalising is not easy in fact, it may be one of our hardest tasks. The benefits, however, are significant. No hands from the grave Once a decision is made it is imperative for the team to get behind the decision and work towards achieving the goal. Delayed disagreement and second-guessing dilutes the strength of the team and its power to achieve goals. Revisiting decisions that have already been made simply wastes time. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS Conflict management is an art. Certain skills are essential to do it effectively. The way you handle conflict-charged situations says a lot about your personal style, your conflict management skills and those you need to acquire. It is also a barometer of your personal and team performance. Take a look in the mirror Self-assessment, both on an individual and a team basis, is the first step in any conflict management process. The team must look into the collective mirror and recognize any dysfunctional behaviour they have been engaging in be it triangulating, going underground, avoiding decisionmaking or abdicating responsibility. Develop ground rules to stop these practices and prevent them from re-emerging. Build individual conflict management skills before the momentum is lost - skills like active listening, assertiveness and giving and receiving feedback. Influence vs Power In the old world order, power ruled. Subordinates may have been allowed to have their say, but they were not to be confused with the leader, who was the holder of power. In the horizontal organisation, which has a flatter structure and greater input from all staff members, a new

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
In teams, it is necessary to have protocols that encourage discussion and quick resolution of conflict. Some organisations have found the following protocols can assist in effectively resolving team conflict. Dont triangulate Triangulation is the practice of drawing in third parties to rescue the warring parties from their own conflict. Triangulation is an attempt to avoid responsibility by using a surrogate to handle an issue that should be resolved directly between two people. Dont recruit supporters to your point of view Some people are always on the lookout for opportunities to recruit people to their point of view. This is not conducive to candid discussion, does not result in positive behaviour change and tears teams apart. One member of a team can serve as a sounding board to another member needing advice about how to resolve a conflict. However, the individual seeking advice must be held fully accountable for dealing directly with the conflict. The person seeking advice must report back to the sounding board about how the issue was resolved.

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paradigm has been forged. The person who wins is no longer the most forceful, but the one who possesses the right combination of strategic instinct and powerful persuasion. The ability to influence others requires social savvy in a way that the exercise of power does not. Assessing where others stand Its important to recognize that others will respond to you with varying degrees of agreement and support. Before attempting to sway someone to your point of view, ask yourself two questions: 1. Does the person share your goals and are they working towards the same outcome? 2. To what extent can you count on the persons support? The answers to these questions will help you frame an approach to the individual that will help to transform them into a partner. Assessing where you stand Rate yourself on the personality dimensions of assertiveness and co-operativeness. Assertiveness is the degree to which you seek to satisfy your own needs. Co-operativeness is the degree to which you seek to satisfy the needs of others. The balance between these two qualities creates five possible styles: Competing assertive and unco-operative Accommodating non-assertive and co-operative Avoiding non-assertive and unco-operative Compromising splitting the difference between assertion and co-operation Collaborating assertive and co-operative Consider which of the above best describes your style in workplace situations and how this affects your interactions with colleagues. How not to listen It is all too easy to roadblock a potentially fruitful discussion. If we come in too soon with our opinion, the speaker may become discouraged and shut down. We may order, threaten, advise, moralize or use logical arguments before we have really listened to the issue at hand. If we ask too many questions, judge, praise, name-call or diagnose the situation too early, we alienate the speaker. By using reassurance to talk the person out of their feelings, or by withdrawing from the issue, we may block the communication. These responses can be useful, but only after we have listened to the person and reached agreement that we both understand the issues.

Be an Active Listener We find it difficult to listen to others for many reasons. Perhaps the main reason is that human beings can think five times faster than they can speak! While the other person tries to explain their position, our minds race ahead, finish their sentences, become impatient, bored or angry. Active listening requires us to slow down, pay attention and confirm, using a mirroring process, that we have received the communication accurately. Our physical response should also show the person we are paying close attention. Ask for more information, paraphrase their words, decode and feed back their feelings. When the person feels that their message, both verbal and emotional, has been fully received, they will generally be ready to collaborate in finding and enacting the solution. THE SOLER MODEL The SOLER Model is a quick reference to the key points of behaviour that show you are paying attention to the other person: S Sit (or stand) squarely O Open posture L Lean forward E Eye contact R Relaxed posture/respect other These non-verbal behaviours have a massive impact on the effectiveness of communication. Along with tone of voice, pitch, intensity and inflection, they are largely responsible for what people take from an interaction. Studies show that the message retained after an interaction is derived 55% from nonverbal behaviour, 35% from tone and only 7% from words! Assertive Communication Straight talk is a powerful and direct means of communicating your needs. Be specific and concise. It may help to frame your statement this way: I want/ need because or When you I feel because. This allows you to take responsibility for your own part of the issue while clearly stating what you need from the other party. Combining your request with a reason tells the other person that you respect them enough to provide an explanation.

E-CONFLICT
E-communication is a fertile breeding ground for conflict. In 2001 the average employee spent up to two and a half hours a day reading and sending email. In the year 2000 in the US alone, the Internet delivered more than 400

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billion messages thats four times as many pieces of mail as the US Postal Service. Email is fast and efficient. But it allows us to send unscreened emotions and opinions without body language or facial expressions. Thoughts sent via email may hit cyberspace before we have had a chance to reflect. Email has eight characteristics that encourage conflict and discourage healthy, honest resolution. 1. Email encourages disengagement People shy away from conflict and email allows the conflict averse to say their piece without feeling engaged. Physiological responses which would be seen in a faceto-face interaction such as sweating, blushing or avoiding eye contact are bypassed. It saves people from feeling vulnerable. 2. Email allows people to avoid accountability When you are responsible for implementing a plan or making a decision, email makes it a great deal easier to solicit suggestions and feedback from your group. However, the multitude of responses may leave the sender more confused than ever, and spreading accountability in this way delays important decisions. 3. Email encourages subterfuge Email usually encourages a rapid response but it can prolong response time. Some executives agonise over the response, editing and re-editing and sometimes circulating the email or response to colleagues. Email makes it easy to omit relevant information, go over the heads of decision-makers and promote hidden agendas. Discreet character assassination emailed behind a persons back can easily become explosive with a single click of the forward button. 4. Email fosters electronic triangulation Email makes it very easy to include third parties in disputes simply send them a cc. Even worse, blind copies (bcc) can be sent so that triangulation can be done in secret. Worst of all, email can provide the perfect forum to engage in open warfare without ever needing to come face-to-face. And the copies attached to electronic missiles mean that there is an audience often a senior one for this blood sport. 5. Tag team email Email can create exponential dysfunction. Where one person could have been included, there are now four, six or a dozen. This can quickly spiral out of control to the point where the process becomes impossibly stalled. It may become necessary for a face-to-face meeting to be called to resolve the impasse created by tag team email. 6. Email begets bravado The remoteness of the communication process may

explain why scud emails are launched with such frequency. Non-assertive people may find it easier to express an opinion forcefully or be caustic when they dont have to face the reactions of others. Aggressive people are unlikely to temper their opinions in email. 7. Email cant be taken back Who hasnt typed out a scathing email, only to feel a surge of remorse a second after hitting the send button? Worse yet, what about the confidential email sent by mistake to the wrong address? Or the email you intended to forward to a colleague with a witty jibe about the sender except that you hit reply instead of forward? Any of these scenarios can cause serious damage, enormous embarrassment and permanently destroy relationships. The ease of using email shouldnt blind us to how easily a single click and send can become a very costly mistake. 8. Email neutralizes key conflict-management tools and technologies Face-to-face communication allows both parties to connect on the verbal and physical levels. Email bypasses essential non-verbal communication, which holds the subtext of a conversation. Studies show that email has diminished executives listening skills and created a physical and psychological chasm between them and their employees. Email is instant, global and easy. But it is also easy to be rude, use incorrect language, make stupid mistakes and do irreparable harm. The following rules of engagement should help to negotiate the potential minefield of email communication. 1. Use the right medium for the message Email is a good tool for one-way communication but it does not lend itself to situations that require interaction. When attempting to manage or resolve conflict, your strategy should include voice-to-voice or face-toface communication. Team decisions should be made interactively. Some organisations discourage executives from soliciting input, discussing issues and putting forward their points of view in emails. They may also prohibit using email to raise issues of conflict or to engage in negotiations. Email is vital in todays business climate but it is important to know when it is appropriate. 2. Substitute active-reading skills for active listening Be aware of the senders position and relationship to you. Ask yourself what your experiences with the person tell you about their agenda. Keep this in mind when reading their communication and planning your response. Decode and mirror the message or ask for further clarification as with active listening techniques. Deliver your message clearly and ensure that you know the

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purpose of your email and that it will be clear to your recipients. 3. Practice the Golden Rule Put yourself in the other persons shoes. How would you feel receiving this message? Is the message clear? Would you know what action you were being asked to take? Read each email aloud before you send it and ask yourself if it is projecting the image you want others to have of you. 4. Respect confidentiality Never, ever pass along a confidential email to anyone not authorised to view it. There is no privacy on the Internet. Anything can be discovered with the right tools in the wrong hands. A security breach can lead to leaks of confidential material to competitors, and hackers having access to sensitive materials. All sensitive and confidential information should be delivered in person. 5. To CC or Not to CC Teams should agree on ground rules for keeping others in the loop. When in doubt, reach agreement with those involved before you cc. Only use cc for your email when it is absolutely necessary for these people to be kept informed. Only use the reply to all feature when everyone really does need to hear the response. 6. Dont retain a rescuer Deal one-on-one. Do not forward an email to a third party to elicit their response or involvement. The only exception is when you receive permission from the sender to broaden involvement. A subversive way to recruit rescuers is through the bcc feature. The feature can be used to shore up support without the knowledge of the parties involved. One organisation went so far as to remove this feature from their email program. 7. Stroke the recipient Look for opportunities to congratulate or thank someone. Begin your message with a compliment or at the very least a friendly greeting. Thanking or congratulating a former adversary can go a long way to healing the relationship. In these situations, its perfectly acceptable to copy in other members of the department to show that someone has done a good job, or that warring factions have resolved their differences. 8. Get to know your email correspondents Stanford Business School and other academics have studied mock negotiations and found interactions that began with a brief phone call were more successful than those conducted by email alone. Sending a photograph, getting to know each other or taking advantage of an opportunity to meet someone you usually only contact by email can make it easier to infuse

your electronic communication with a friendly, personal tone. 9. When in doubt, dont If youre angry or upset, suspend your response. Sleep on it and open the message the following day. How would it come across? If it still seems fair when you are no longer angry or upset, go ahead and send it. 10. Pack a parachute Dont be afraid to pull out of cyberspace if you sense an undercurrent of strong emotions. Before misunderstandings escalate, arrange to get together by phone or in person. Email, like conflict itself, is a fact of life in a 21st Century business environment. If used effectively, email can help resolve conflicts in record time but only if we remember to use the same communication skills that apply in faceto-face conflict management. Then, email becomes a highpowered tool for sharing information, resolving differences and reaching agreement.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT TOOLS FOR LEADERS

Leaders should be role models where conflict is involved; being honest about divisive issues, encouraging others to speak out and bringing buried conflicts to the surface. To manage conflict as a role model: 1. Be candid. When issues emerge, lay them out for discussion. Encourage honesty and openness in your team. 2. Be receptive. Discuss all the competing opinions. Let everyone on the team know that it is safe to disagree and that they are expected to contribute their view. 3. Depersonalise. See each issue as a business case. Dont take it personally. Ensure that reason triumphs over ego. 4. Be clear about the decision-making rules. Will the leader make the final decision, or the team? Will there be a consultative approach or a consensus? 5. Outlaw triangulation. 6. Learn to listen. Its essential to decode and feed back the messages from your team. The leader turns assertions into questions and tosses them back for more detailed discussion. 7. Return the monkey to the organ-grinder. Hold executives accountable for their issues and ask them to develop solutions. Accept responsibility for the monkeys that are yours. 8. Recognise and reward successful conflict management when you see it. Personal style plays an important role in managing conflict. The non-assertive style of trying to resolve conflict through the back door by meeting separately with the

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combatants drives conflict underground. Triangulation occurs and the conflict escalates. The aggressive manager often comes across as controlling, unreceptive and intimidating. In these situations, teams may continue to tiptoe around conflict without addressing or resolving issues. Or team members may take things personally, make accusations and feel attacked. In either case, the issues are not resolved and the team never reaches its high-performance potential. As a leader, how do you know if your personal style is interfering with effective resolution of conflict? Nonassertive leaders are often aware that their approach needs to be amplified, but aggressive managers are often unaware of how they come across to other people.

Changing our personal style isnt easy it amounts to changing the habits of a lifetime. Results will not be achieved overnight. Occasional backsliding is inevitable. Asking for and accepting honest feedback is one of the best methods of correction, however alien and uncomfortable it may seem at first. Not only does it keep you on track as a leader, but it is a great example for others to follow. Leaders can direct, coach, collaborate or delegate. Most leaders favour one method over the others. The true key is to find the approach that is best suited to the situation and the players involved. Leaders who can match their style to the learning curve of their employees will create the best results. Giving regular and honest feedback and encouraging team members to do the same is vital. While leaders need to be at the forefront of conflict management, sometimes the team has to take charge. By enduring inappropriate management behaviour, passive teams can drive conflict underground and subtly sabotage results and morale. To become truly high performing, all team members must participate in bringing conflict into the open and resolving it through honesty, discussion and responsibility for the outcome. Only then can the clash of Goliaths become the creative fire in which a united, high-powered team is forged.

THE LEADERSHIP LITMUS TEST

As a leader, you should ask yourself the following questions: Are the missions and goals of the team clear to all members? Are the correct players on the team those who are both technically and functionally competent with the ability and willingness to do the job? Are roles and points of intersection clear to all members of the team? Are team members committed to a winning team or to their own functional self-interest? Is the decision-making/leadership approach that the team employs understood and accepted by all team members? Does every team member feel a sense of ownership and accountability for the teams business results? Are all team members comfortable dealing with conflict? Is the team willing to periodically self-assess how well they handle conflict? Is constructive feedback to team members appropriately provided? Is two-way feedback promoted and listened to? Are openness, candour, depersonalization, active listening and situational leadership styles part of your management repertoire?

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