A Family Choice

By Charles McKay 1 Family Priority 2 God is Our Father 3 Gods Family 4 A Family Attitude 5 A Loving Way 6 Our Responsibilities 7 Powerful Prayers! 8 Attitude, Attitude, Attitude 9 A Peaceful Home 10 Family Treasure 11 Looking Forward for Our Families 12 Heartwarming Surprises 13 Our Family Fun-dation! 14 Personal Conversation 15 An Ear to Hear 16 Lead by Example 17 The Joy of Serving 18 The Art of Discipline 19 You Deserve a Break 20 We Are Not Finished Yet 21 It Is All Worth It

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1 Faith, Hope & Love

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:13 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24, 25 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. I John 4:7-12 There is no better foundation to build this book on than the word of God. There is no better foundation to build a family on than the word of God. My wife and I have spent the last twenty plus years building our relationship and our family on the basis of who Jesus Christ is and what the Bible says about how we should conduct our lives. Therefore, this book is based on the principles we have learned in the Bible that are significant to us. I started writing this book in 2004. After eighteen months I believed I had finished the book and submitted the first manuscript to my author coach who gave me some great advice about the book, but he also said that I needed to write a chapter about why I decided to write this book. After another nine months the new chapter and the other revisions were done and I resubmitted them to my coach. He believed it was ready, and I wanted to publish it, but did not have the resources, or support to publish it. I started looking for a pastor or a friend to read it for me and give me his comments on the book. About a year later my friend, and a missionary, Steve gave me his comments about the book. After almost three years I had written almost 200,000 words and now instead of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I realized it was a train and I was too far down the tunnel to get out before the train ran me over. My hope for this book was gone. After eagerly reading his comments on the first chapter I realized that there was still much work to do. So I gave up hope and set the book aside for over four months. However, I could not stop thinking about it, but could not come up with an opening that I liked, that expressed my feelings and goals adequately, and that captured my motivation for writing this book.

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I know the effort to write this book has already been useful in a number of ways: I have encouraged my children about the importance of writing by doing it I have had my son Jonathan read and reread it and give me his comments My Dad has read its many versions and enjoyed seeing the process My son Jeremiah has read and heard me read from it This book has helped me to think more about being a good husband and father It has exercised my mind and brought many memories, good and bad to it as I have used our experiences as examples to the reader of what has worked and what I have done wrong over the last twenty years. Finally, this Christmas, I realized that the purpose of this book is to bring us hope that we can have a great family. Hope is powerful. Look at what it does for everyone involved in a tragedy such as a natural disaster. After the disaster we immediately mobilize assistance to help the people who have been effected and to restore hope to them. People give generously of their time and money to help those giving aid. The newscasts report hopeful events about finding survivors and helping the victims, and those trapped or stranded by the disaster struggle to survive in the hope that they will be found. When they are found the reward of their hope and ours is great joy by both the finders and the people who have been found. The Bible is full of Gods wisdom for us on how to live our lives, and build our relationships and raise our families. But the Bible is more than just Gods wisdom for us it is a book of hope. It is God reaching out to each person in the hope that they will respond. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. II Peter 3:9. Therefore, he has given us the Bible, his written expression of his love, and Jesus Christ is Gods ultimate expression of his love for us. We are alive because God loves us. We live in a world where we are surrounded by Gods love. Just because we dont see it or physically or emotionally feel it does not make it any less real. The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. Acts 17:24-28. Hope and faith find their ultimate resting place in God. When we place our faith in God we live in the hope that one day he will fulfill all his promises to us. As I have gotten to know the God of the Bible better my faith and confidence in Him has grown and continues to grow. Yes I have doubts and lose hope sometimes, but always Gods love

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for me remains the same, so that when the current disappointment passes I again have hope in my God. Faith in God is the only source of hope that will never desert us, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28. Not some things but all things, not most things but all things, God works even in things that dont seem to be good for the good of those who love him. It is on this foundation that I have chosen to write this book. With faith, hope and love, I hope that by the time you finish reading this book you will have new hope for your family. It is never too late to change your ways and turn to God. He can, restore the years the locusts have eaten. Bible verse. I would strongly encourage you to place your faith in God and allow him to be the source of your hope for this life and the eternal life to come, as well as for you and your family. May God bless you as you read and consider the things we will be discussing in the chapters ahead.

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1 The Family Choice Becoming a family is the choice of two individuals becoming one family. Having children is a choice that brings another individual into your family. But being a family is more than being married and having children. It is about choosing to emphasize these relationships and creating a collective memory of the value and significance and fun it is to be together. This is a book about making family choices. The best place for me to start is with my Grandpa Ralph, who has been making family choices for over a century. My brother his family, my daughter and I went to visit him for his 99th birthday on December 17, 2005. That night, Grandpa was sitting quietly at the dinner table just watching all the commotion the kids were making. I asked if he could still flip a spoon from the table into a glass. He smiled and softly said, I dont think so. This prompted questions from his great grandchildren about what we were talking about and if they could try it, and they did without any success. Grandpa didnt try it that night, but I remember when he did. It was back in the 1960s and 1970s while I was growing up. Grandpa and Grandma would come to visit us, or we would visit them. He would always take the whole family out for dinner at a fancy restaurant. These restaurants were always very quiet and dignified. Everyone would be all dressed up and talking in hushed tones. Then all the sudden you would hear the tinkle of a spoon against the sides of an empty glass. We would all look at Grandpa and he would be sitting there hands in his lap smiling innocently with the spoon in his empty glass. He had a good sense of timing and always made his visits memorable. In September 2005 Grandpa met his first great, great, grandchildren. In December of 2006 Grandpa celebrated his 100th birthday with a big family birthday party. We went to a fancy restaurant down on the Mississippi river between Minneapolis and St. Paul and had a great party. After singing Happy Birthday to him everyone stopped and Grandpa sang, and many more! Once again he had made it more than a meal, but a memory. Family should be a lifetime of love and commitment. The wedding vows normally include, til death do us part. Family is for life, and making the right choices strengthens the bond between us and our spouse and our children. The family bond is a supernatural bond that has remarkable strength and resilience. These bonds can be broken, but it is always with great pain for every member of the family. This is very idealistic, but we are all idealistic when we choose to get married, or we wouldnt bother to get married. It is the choices that we make after we get married that cause us to lose sight of the ideals we had when we chose to get married and lead us to

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break these supernatural bonds. The good news is that it is never too late to change course and start mending and strengthening the family bond. I know some people who had given up on their marriage, and now they have a great marriage. They chose to stay married and worked through their problems. Grandpa has been making family choices for over 100 years now. As part of our trip in 2005, my brother and I had spent hours sorting through hundreds, or maybe thousands of pictures that Grandpa had accumulated over his lifetime. He was looking for one photo in particular. He had asked us if we could find a picture of his first wife Charlotte. She had died of cancer in the late 1960s and Grandpa had remarried in the early 70s. Now, his second wife, Norma had died leaving him a widower again. We were there for his 99th birthday, but also because he was our grandfather and wanted our help. Looking at the photos it seemed like Grandpa had been everywhere and seen everything. It was a beautiful afternoon we spent remembering with him some of the people in the family and places that Grandpa had been. It was a weekend remembering our family. Grandpa was born in 1907, before the war to end all wars had even started. It is amazing to think of the history he has lived through. He lived through two world wars, the Great Depression, the rise and fall of Communism and Hitler, the advent of the automobile, airplane, space exploration, radio, television, computers and the internet. Things we consider common now, did not exist at some point in his life. Through all these significant events he made choices that kept his family together and kept it strong. The thing that struck me the most was his memory of his first wife. She had been dead for over 35 years, but he wanted to remember her. His family is important to him, and he is an important part of our family. In his apartment he has pictures of his second wife, his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, but the one picture he was missing was a photo of Charlotte. She was his first wife and the mother of their two daughters, and we did find him some pictures of her. I was thrilled to be there celebrating his 99th birthday with him. It was important to me that my daughter got to spend that time with him. She is very sensitive and affectionate with people, and I think Grandpa enjoyed her company. Christy was ten years old and has spent less than two weeks of her life with Grandpa, but there is a real bond between my grandfather and his great granddaughter! She now has very good memories of him, and he of her. We have a strong family, but there is more to the strength of our family than the choices we make regarding each other. This would actually be a very weak foundation to build a marriage on. There is a much stronger foundation that we have chosen to build our marriage on. The foundation of our marriage is Jesus Christ and our relationship to Him. The institution of marriage and the design of the family are from God. We have strived and still are striving to make sure we have a strong relationship with God and that our

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children develop a real personal relationship with God before they leave our house. This is the most important thing we can do for our children and each other. Every other choice pales in comparison to the importance of knowing the God who created us and designed us from the beginning of time. I know how hard it is for me to remain faithful to my wife among all the temptations that are presented every day. I rely on Gods faithfulness to me to keep me faithful to my wife. For example, Wendy and I have chosen to have children. We have three living children and one child that died before we could meet him. We can choose to want children, try to have children, do everything in our power to have a child, but ultimately whether we are successful or not is a choice that is made by God. Even in adoption your ability to choose is limited. When we receive our referral from China it will include a picture and some medical information and based on this information we have to say yes or no! Most children are born into a family, which is fine, but it really does not matter how or when we become a part of the family, what matters is that we are in a family. We may join our family by natural birth, by marriage, from artificial insemination, adoption, foster care or any other circumstance. We are in the family because we need a family and ultimately God has placed us in the family we are in for our benefit, and to give us the best opportunity to come to know him. Everybodys story is different, but behind every story is the unseen hand of God. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:16. For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, We are his offspring. Acts 17:28. Our family is not limited to marriage and procreation. One choice we have made is to adopt a baby from China. When the adoption of our daughter from China is completed she will become our baby. We have no control over who this child might be, but when we accept the child into our family she will be the same as any of our other children, and it is God who will place her there. Because we want another child, the adoption is a family choice and a family priority for us. When we take her to Minnesota to meet her new Grandfather he will accept her as a member of his family, because she is a member of our family. Grandpa is looking forward to meeting our new daughter and his newest great granddaughter. That is just one example of the supernatural bond of the family. Here is an illustration from the Bible of the strength of the family bond. Two women came before King Solomon. They shared a room and each had a baby. During the night one of their babies died. Both of them claimed the living baby was hers and the dead baby was the other womans. Solomon called for a sword to divide the living baby between the two women. One woman wanted the other woman to have the baby so it would live, but the other woman said to go ahead and divide the baby. Solomon restored

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the baby to the woman who was willing to give up the child so it could live. She was the real mother of the child. How did he know? A parents first thought is to protect their child. They would rather die, or in this story lose the child to someone else, than see their child harmed or killed. Once we have a baby our natural instinct is to take care of and provide for this baby. A human baby is one of the most helpless and dependent creatures on earth. A babys family may be its natural parents, or its adoptive parents, or its foster parents, or if necessary the orphanage, but if that baby doesnt have someone designated to care for it, the baby will die. Finally, God designed people to live in relationships and the highest priority relationships are with our immediate family, our relatives. It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him. Genesis 2:18. The book of Genesis narrows its focus from all people to one particular couple. God chooses this couple and there descendants to be his representatives to the rest of the world. God chose Abram and Sarai. For a long time it seemed as though his choice would end with them, because they did not have any children. God chose Abram and Sarai, but they had to choose to believe that He really was God, and that He could do what He had promised them. They had some important questions to ask and answer, and we have to answer the same questions. Does God exist? If He does exist is He active in the world today? If He is active in the world, does He have anything to say to us? Which God is the right God, and why? Because I believe in this God, whichever God we choose, what does he require of me? Does God care personally about me, my spouse and our children? The answers to these questions form the foundation of who we are, and will have a life long impact on whom we choose to marry and where we will most likely meet them. Here is my story. When I did not believe in God I tried to meet women by going out drinking, or in class at school or at some other activity related to school. When I decided on who God was I started meeting women in the place where I worshipped God and when I with friends who knew more about God than I did. These women were different than the women I met before I put my trust in God. One day I met my future wife in church. If I had never become a Christian I probably would not have met her, because becoming a Christian changed the whole direction of my life. Instead of sleeping in on Sunday mornings I got up and went to church. This is significant because I met my wife in church instead of in our neighborhood. After we started talking at church we discovered that while we were each attending a church four miles from where we lived; we lived less than two hundred feet apart from each other! We had lived that close together for over three months, but had never even seen each other. That is why I say I probably would never have met my wife, because living so close there is a chance we could have met outside of church and still developed a relationship. Clearly, to me, because of what each of us decided about God, we met.

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We did meet, and we did choose to get married, and two years after our marriage we had our first child. When Jonathan was born our family became an even higher priority. Our life started changing very quickly even before he was born. After Jonathan was born we quickly learned how dependent our new baby was on us. His needs became our first priority if we wanted to sleep at night. We had come full circle from needing our families, which we still do, to our family needing us. Jonathans very helplessness and dependence made us more responsible more quickly. We had to grow up some and work together in taking care of him. This responsibility changed us, and bound us into a family. Each new child has strengthened our priorities and our dependence on each other and our family ties. The changes our children bring are deep and profound as our focus, purpose and priorities change to accommodate their needs. Our priority turns from what we need or want to what our children need or want. Men and women are very different from each other and complement each others strengths and weaknesses. Because of the differences between men and women it is extremely important for our children to have both a mother and a father. However, to be a healthy family the marriage must be an even higher priority than the constant demands of our children. Just because both parents live in the same home does not mean it is a healthy family. The marriage relationship is the foundation for giving kids a good environment to grow up in. Therefore, we, as parents need to keep our relationship a high priority and make the effort and take the time to make sure of this. It is my hope and prayer that this book will help you and me focus or refocus our attention on the people we love and who should be the priorities in our life, and to overcome the trend in our society to take the seemingly easy way out when we encounter adversity. Marrying and having children are decisions we freely make. With each of these choices we assume new responsibilities, but along with the responsibilities we also receive many benefits. What are the benefits of being a family? The good news is that the answer is everything. You and I will be happier people if we take the time to make our marriage work. You and I will have a deeper relationship with our spouse after going through good times and difficult times together. Soldiers who fight in a battle or series of battles by each others side become lifelong friends because of their shared hardships and accomplishments. Our children will see what a real relationship looks like and will grow up knowing that it is possible to work together in any set of circumstances instead of running away from difficulties. Therefore, they will be more likely to have marriages that last.

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Our children will be happier because they have both parents living with them, and taking care of them. Contrast this with children of divorced families who often live under a false burden of guilt because they think they are the reason their parents separated. Instead of a trail of broken and hurt people we will build a family of healthy people who can make and keep healthy commitments and relationships. Our extended families will be stronger because they will be able to trust us more. We will be more trustworthy as people if we keep the promises we make to the people who are our highest priority by our own declaration. We will gain a better understanding of ourselves and people in general by keeping our promises to our families. We will make our society better because more people will see that it is possible and even desirable to stay married. We will be able to enjoy our children and our childrens children without any shame or disappointment at not having been there more. I hope one day like my grandfather to be sitting and watching my great, great grandchildren playing. Finally, studies have proven you and I will be more successful if we stay married.

These are very real benefits that we will only receive if we choose to take the time for our families that they and we need. If we change our priorities and get caught up in our jobs or other activities and neglect our families we will miss out on so much of what could have been. This reminds me of the movie, Its A Wonderful Life. Jimmy Stewart stars as George Bailey whose life reaches a crisis point. He becomes so overwhelmed that he tries to flee from his troubles and is considering jumping off the bridge to commit suicide. At this critical point, Clarence the angel enters his life. Instead of committing suicide, George saves Clarence, who jumps into the river before George can. Clarence then has a marvelous ideal to demonstrate to George Bailey and us what his world would be like if he had not been born. The town he knew would have been a very different place and much worse. It is a powerful picture of how important each person is to our society. This brings us back to God. We are where we are and have the family we have because God placed us in that family. Even if we dont acknowledge the truth of this it doesnt change the fact that we did not pick the family we belong to and our family did not pick us. We may choose to have a child or not to have a child, but we do not get to pick what our child will be like. I have come to believe that God, the Creator and author of the Bible designed the family. In Genesis, he stated that a man and a woman would leave their parents and join together to become, one flesh. Jesus affirmed this fact in the New Testament when he added, therefore, what God has joined together let no man separate. Mark 10:9. God chooses our parents and children, and God joins us together in marriage. God believed so much in the family that Jesus was born into a family, raised by his parents and honored his mother even on the cross by providing a provider for her. Jesus

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Father, God, wants us to call Him, Abba, Father, (Romans 8:15) or daddy! Anyone who has children can understand the thrill when we hear our kids run up to us, throw their arms around us and say, Daddy, I love you. This is the relationship God wants us to have with Him, and if our relationship to Him is close, we should also be close to our family. Who is this God of the Bible? He is the Creator of the universe. His Son Jesus Christ is the spotless Lamb of God. Jesus is the only one by whom we can come to the God of the Bible. He is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. The God of the Bible makes big claims for Himself, and the stories in the Bible provide examples of who He is, His power and His knowledge. Because of who God is, He is the most significant reason to take our choices and decisions about our wife and children seriously. We will be held responsible for the success of these relationships and must invest our time in making sure they are the best they can be. If we do we will reap the rewards of happiness, closeness, love, respect and honor that are truly worth our time and energy. The Good News is we can reap all these benefits and more if we will sow bountifully with our time, energy and money in our families. Being a part of a healthy family is the most important and significant thing we can ever do with our lives. Hopefully this book will help us better understand and complete this awesome responsibility. Dear Lord, help us to see how precious our spouses, our children and our families really are to us. Help us to make them our priorities. And most important help us to love and care for our families as you do. Amen.

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2 God is Our Father In the Fall of 1979 I was walking back across campus at Virginia Tech with a couple of new friends. I was a freshman in college and had a new found freedom. Instead of working at school I was trying to make college one long party. However, the party was not working too well because the first two weekends I got really drunk and very sick. One of the friends I was with had invited me to play soccer with him on Saturday mornings, but I told him I normally slept until 10 or 11 AM. The second Saturday after being out late drinking on Friday night I found myself out of bed at 7 in the morning to go to the bathroom. I saw my friend and he mentioned he was going to play soccer. I did not feel like sleeping so I got dressed and joined him for breakfast and a soccer game. After the game was over as I was getting ready to leave when they said they were going to pray before we split up. I stayed and listened to the prayer and left. That was my introduction to a campus group called the Navigators and their God and heavenly Father. I enjoyed the game and started playing every week. I considered the prayer a cost to play, but soccer was more fun and less expensive than drinking which I was not really enjoying at the time. The only cost for playing soccer was the prayer at the end of the game. It was after one of these games that one of my new friends at soccer, Garth asked me who I thought God was. I did not have a good answer, and had never even really thought much about God. I went to Sunday school for 6 years and received a Bible for graduating, but had not read it and did not remember anything from Sunday school except when my parents asked me if I wanted to go to church. I said no and that was the end of our family going to church. I dont even remember how I answered Garths question, but his question did get me to start thinking about God. After several months playing soccer with the Navigators, in the spring of 1980, I went with my friends Garth and Dave to a conference near James Madison University for the weekend. On Saturday night someone there spoke about God and gave me the opportunity to join Gods family and call God my heavenly Father. He explained who God was, and why we needed him and why Jesus had to die because of what I had done to get God angry at me. By that time I was convinced that these people actually knew God and that He was the one who had changed them from being like me to being different and genuine people. I had a choice to make. I had been thinking about it for a few months now and decided it was time for me to choose to join Gods family. That day was March 30, 1980. I celebrate it now as my second birthday, when I realized God had adopted me into His family. Choosing to believe in God the Father is the single most important decision I have ever made. It was by far the most important decision I made in college, and learning about God the Father and Jesus Christ was the most valuable knowledge I gained in college.

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I know I would not be who I am today if I had not made that decision over 25 years ago. That choice has become the foundation for the rest of my life. It is always very interesting to me that when I chose Jesus Christ that night I did not really understand what I was choosing, but I felt a very real peace that has been with me ever since then, and I knew I had made the right choice. It is hard to explain, but it is a very real peace, that I have enjoyed all these years. I am far from perfect and still make many mistakes and still hurt my heavenly Father almost everyday with the poor choices I make. However, God has continued to love me as his child and has been faithful to my cry for help. My heavenly Father has not left me alone. God wants everyone to become a part of his family. He always starts with us where we are at and brings us to the point where we can see Him, and make our choice regarding whether or not he is God. For example, Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, Please give me a drink. He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food. The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink? Jesus replied, If you only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water. But sir, you dont have a rope or a bucket, she said, and this is a very deep well. Where would you get this living water? And besides, are you greater than our ancestor Jacob who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his cattle enjoyed? Jesus replied, People soon become thirsty again after drinking this water. But the water I give them takes away thirst altogether. It becomes a perpetual spring within them, giving them eternal life. Please sir, the woman said, give me some of that water! Then Ill never be thirsty again, and I wont have to come here to haul water. Go and get your husband, Jesus told her. I dont have a husband, the woman replied. Jesus said, Youre right! You dont have a husband for you have had five husbands, and you arent even married to the man youre living with now.

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Sir, the woman said, you must be a prophet. So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped? Jesus replied, Believe me, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father here or in Jerusalem. You Samaritans know so little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. But the time is coming and is already here when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth. The woman said, I know the Messiah will come the one who is called the Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us. Then Jesus told her, I am the Messiah! John 4:8-26. Jesus started with their common desire to get water from the well. The conversation then grew more serious until she was ready to hear that Jesus, Is the Messiah! God started with her need for water and my need for friendship. Each of us were then led to a conversation about God that brought us from where we were to the point of decision. When I started playing soccer it was for the opportunity to exercise and to meet people. I was getting to know new friends. As I continued to play from week to week my friends introduced me to the ideal of God and then to the person of God. Jesus started by asking the woman for help, then offered her help and eventually led her to the point of seeing her need for God. As I looked back God was indeed looking for, anyone (ME) who will worship him that way. John 4:24. I definitely was not looking for God, but I was anyone. In the same way God offers each of us that choice every day. Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come into him and eat with him and he with me. Revelation 3:20. Jesus calls to each of us, but unless we open the door of our life to Him. He will not force His way in! It is and always will be our choice to accept or reject His offer. God does not force his way into our lives. He is outside the door of our heart knocking. He would like to come in, but he wont force his way into our lives. We must choose to invite Him in and become a part of his family. I chose to become a member of Gods family over 25 years ago. What were my choices? As I consider it now there really are only four choices about God. There are many variations under some of the choices, but they all boil down to these four. Ourself Chance A false god God

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When I went to college I was betting on myself. I did not think about chance or God. My father had challenged me that 90% of all students dont graduate from the same school, in the same major in four years. Therefore, to be in the top 10% that was all I had to do! I was measuring myself by my dads standard. I have also bet on chance. Every time I buy a lottery ticket I am betting on chance. The signs all say one chance in 176 million. These are pretty steep odds, so for me to bet a whole dollar it has to be more than 200 million dollars just to get my interest. Even then, I will not always buy a lottery ticket and have seldom bet even one dollar on the lottery. Chance is a very dangerous chance to take! A false god is any god that is not the true God. False gods can be anything. Money can be a false god. If I had a bunch of money in the bank and did not have to work, but put my confidence in the future on the size of my bank account I would be making that money my god. Many people have pictures or statues of the god they believe in. False gods can be very comforting, because we are not dependent on ourselves or chance, but on god. The final choice we have is the real God. I believe that in Jesus Christ I have found the one true God and that is what I have learned and become more and more confident of over the last 25 years. The God of the Bible, our heavenly Father, is the creator of the world and able to do everything He has promised in His word the Bible. The question is what choice will you make? I have chosen for myself, but I can not choose for you. That is a decision each one of us has to make individually. I hope you will choose to believe in Jesus Christ and make God your heavenly Father. I believe He is the right choice for everyone, but we each must make our own decision. The best way to do this is to gather all the facts you can, compare them based on whatever criteria you believe will best guide you and make the best decision for you. Even if we dont choose we still have made a choice and the way we live our life will indicate the choice we made. I remember in 1987 there was a Friday in October that was a terrible day for the stock market. The market plunged over 500 points. It was such a large plunge that many people lost their fortunes in one day. The next day there was at least one story of a stockbroker who had jumped out of his office window because of the huge loss. I believe that he had put his confidence in his investment portfolio. When that was lost his hope was gone and he chose to end his life. So what is our confidence in and are we willing to bet our future on it? This book is all about the choices we make. The most important choice we have to make is what we build our lives on. I am confident in the choice I have made, and my confidence has grown ever stronger since March 30, 1980. That is why I am not ashamed to encourage you to look to the God of the Bible for the answers to your questions and as a foundation to build your life and your family on.

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3 Gods Family Have you ever been looking for something really hard and you cant seem to find it? You look everywhere for it and no matter how hard you look you just cant find it. This happened to me one time that I remember really well. I was looking for my glasses. I looked everywhere. I went through the whole house from top to bottom and could not find them. It was a Sunday morning and I was getting pretty frustrated so I called out to my wife and asked her if she could help me look for them. After about ten minutes of both of us searching we ended up in the same room. My wife looked at me and said she had found them. I could not believe it and asked her where they were. She pointed to my face and said, Youre wearing them! Talk about embarrassing, I had searched everywhere for them and the whole time I was wearing them! When we realize for the first time that God is right where we are, we have the same feeling. The first time I felt the reality of Gods presence I was left with the same sense as when I searched for my glasses that morning. Wow how blind can I be! God was hiding in the most obvious place right where I am. And God made from one every nation of men to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their habitation, that people should seek God, in the hope that they might feel after Him and find Him! Yet He is not far from each one of us, for In Him we live and move and have our being! Acts 17:27,28a. God is that close to each of us. If God withdrew from the universe it would cease to exist in an instant! However, God designed and created the universe. He also designed and created us as people. God is a relational being. From eternity past He has been in relationship. When it was time for God to create man he said, Let us make man in our image! Who is God talking to when He says, Let us? God the Father, God the Son and God the Spirit are working together as one in the process of creation. God uses the plural to describe himself! After God created Adam and before there was an Eve, God demonstrated very practically that to Adam that he was alone. Then God created Eve to complete Adams ability to relate and communicate. When God created us, God designed us in his image and to be in relationship to Him. He has designed each of us with an emptiness that only He can fill. This emptiness or longing can be buried deep within us and we may not even be consciously aware of the fact that we are seeking God. Many of us do not even realize that we have a longing for God. That is how I was, until God brought my need to my attention with the simple question, Who do you think God is? Fortunately for us, God wants us to become his children and He wants to reveal Himself to us. In my life God has revealed Himself to me. He did not do it because of anything I did, but because of His desire for me to believe in Him. I am pretty slow so God made who He was so obvious to me that I had no choice, but to choose to become a part of Gods family.

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However, that was only the beginning. Jesus said, But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well. Matthew 6:33. As his children and members of Gods family our family priority is to get to know our heavenly Father! As we do this God provides everything we need. It may not be everything we want, but it will be all we need. As I said, I can be pretty slow to catch onto things. After I became a Christian and started reviewing my life I could see how long God had been seeking me! In Sunday school, at the Catholic Church with my friends family, even when I drove by churches I remember thinking about God. The first time I really consciously thought about God was one night in front of our house. I was in high school and we were playing spotlight that summer night. It was about 10:00 at night and the game had just ended. We were sitting around the fire hydrant in front of my house looking up at the stars. My friends brother John started talking about God. He pointed to the vastness of the night sky and the stars that dotted it and made some comment about the God who could hang the stars in the sky. I remember wondering if there was a God. I even looked for my Bible when I went to bed and tried reading a little of it. However, as quickly as my interest was stirred I quickly became disinterested again. It was not until three or four years later that I really thought seriously about God again. It was then that I was prompted by the question, Who do you think God is? As I got more involved with the Navigators my curiosity turned to really wanting to know if Jesus is God. As I studied the Bible and my friends in the Navigators shared their stories with me, I became more and more convinced that He was, and that I wanted to know Him and really needed God. I was struck by the following, From the time the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky and all that God made. They can clearly see his invisible qualities his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse whatsoever for not knowing God! Romans 1:20. After six months with the Navigators, on March 30, 1980 God accepted me as a member of his family. The next morning I learned that there was more to getting to know God than just choosing to join Gods family. I learned from my friends on Sunday morning that, after the choosing comes getting to know God. The Navigator motto is, Knowing God and making Him known. Over the past twenty-five years I have learned that becoming a child of God involves daily choices and a marvelous pursuit. In getting to know God as my Father, I have been learning to imitate Jesus and try to do what I know he wants me to do. I am being changed from a child of the world to a child of God. God wants us to exhibit His character in our lives as we learn about Him. This is what God wants for us and nothing less. Finding God is great and there is great rejoicing in heaven when we find Him. Getting to know Him in a personal relationship is so much more and so much better than just the finding, because it is a relationship above all other relationships we could ever imagine having with another person. He really does want us to be his children and have the same relationship with him that our children want to have with us!

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It is said that Christianity is a relationship, not a religion. At the center of the Christians faith is a personal relationship with the God our Father. It is through this relationship that we will experience real changes and become more like God, because of our interactions with Him. Moses became so close to God that after they were done conversing together, Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God! Exodus 34:29b. This process is called sanctification and lasts the rest of our life. Finally, brethren, we beseech and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you learned from us how you ought to live and to please God, just as you are doing, you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification! I Thessalonians 4:1-3a. I have noticed that it is a process not an event for me. Just as it says, do so more and more. I Thessalonians 4:1b. I have seen progress, but the more I change the more changes I see in my life that I want to and need to make, because of my relationship with my Father. There is hope. I have seen real changes in my life because of my relationship with God. I want to read, understand and apply the Bible to my life. One change has been an internal peace that comes because I am a member of Gods family. I also have gained a certainty about right and wrong that I definitely did not have when I was growing up. I may not be able to fully explain why I believe something is right, but I know because of the Holy Spirit in me when something is wrong. Not only that, but I have really experienced the presence of God in my life. These experiences have encouraged and pushed me on to seek God even more. While Jesus promised the woman at the well she would not thirst any more from his water, it does create a new thirst in us for God the Father. The satisfying of that thirst is always refreshing and life transforming. Becoming a child of God is just like growing up in our family. The relationship grows deeper and stronger as we mature. God the Father does not change, but we as parents change, and especially our children change as they grow and learn. So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like Gods very own children, adopted into his family calling him Father, dear Father. Romans 8:15. Jesus taught his disciples to pray, Our Father, who art in heaven. This is an incredible truth that teaches us so much about how we should seek to get to know God, the Father. My dad is always open to me to talk to and ask questions of. As a child my dad always provided for my needs. My dad has always been someone I could ask for advice about anything. My dad is someone that I respect and admire as the first authority figure in my life. Likewise being a father, I want to be that same person for my children. I want them to freely come to me when they need help. I want to provide for them everything they need and help them to understand the only one who can really do that is the Lord. I want to satisfy all their wants, but know that sometimes what they want is not the best thing for

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them. I want my children to be responsible adults who are able to succeed at what they choose to do and to be a blessing to those around them. Having a father, and being a father have helped me to better understand God as my heavenly Father. As a father, when I discipline my children, I often hear God disciplining me with my very own words. It does not cause me to stop disciplining them, but as I discipline them God speaks to me about areas where I need to be disciplined. God uses our family to develop our relationship with Him and He uses our relationship with Him to teach us about raising our own families. The scripture is full of references to things God does as our heavenly Father. Here are just a couple: If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him? Matthew 7:11. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as his children. As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Whoever heard of a child who was never disciplined? Hebrews 12:6,7. I learn more about seeking God as I relate to my father and as I am a father for my children. God uses our relationships to help us understand Him better. Another relationship that helps me to see God more clearly is my relationship with my wife. Our relationship started as a casual acquaintance. A mutual friend introduced us at church one day. We really did not say much more than casual greetings for the first couple of months. One day we had lunch together at a church meeting and had a very pleasant conversation. Our relationship changed from a casual acquaintance to a friendship. We spent a day together and had a great time. Over the next month we spent more and more time together and our relationship changed from a friendship to a close friendship. A little over a year after that our relationship grew from just a close friendship to a married couple. Just as my relationship with my wife has grown and changed over the years, my relationship with God has also developed. Since our marriage our relationship has continued to grow and develop as we get to know each other better and our relationship is tested by the various difficulties we encounter as a part of living. I find these difficulties can either draw people closer to each other or start to separate them. If we separate it is because we choose to allow our circumstances to overcome our relationship. We can choose whether we are controlled by our circumstances or control ourselves through any circumstances we encounter. When we overcome our circumstances our relationship is strengthened. Every one has struggles to overcome and we are not any different. We have had to move because of my decision to leave a job, and because of decisions like having a family. We have lost a child, Adam, who was born prematurely. Shortly after this the doctor thought my wife might have cancer. My mom died of breast cancer at a very young age. These

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are just a few of the bigger problems we have had to face together. As our relationship has grown through these struggles we have learned that God is there and He is sufficient to meet all of our needs. God uses our family relationships to teach us about being a part of Gods family. By being a son, a husband and a father I can better understand God. These are practical ways that we can learn about God through the process of relating to other people, but there is another component about becoming a member of Gods family that is vital to developing our relationship with God. That is in spending time with God. We do this every time we pray, read the Bible, memorize verses or just take some time to meditate on something we read. Worshiping God at church, with our family and on our own are also important aspects of spending time with God. As much as we can learn about God from our relationships, our relationship with God is far more than these because of who God is! That is why worship is a necessary part of that relationship. Everything we learn about God and see God do in our lives is a reason to praise and worship Him. However, we choose how much time we take to get to know our Father. God already knows us intimately, but delights in our seeking to get to know Him. He is ready to go as far in our relationship as we are. The amazing thing to me is that God really wants to have a close relationship with us. Over and over God challenges us to seek Him. Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. Matthew 6:32b-33. Seek the Lord while He may be found, call on Him while He is near. Isaiah 55:6. Thou hast said, Seek ye my face. My heart says to thee, Thy face Lord, do I seek. Psalm 27:8 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Colossians 3:1 Our Father wants us to seek him. He wants us to find him, and he wants us to know him. Our attitude needs to change from not caring about or apathy about God to a genuine desire to know God. As our attitude toward God grows it will naturally create a stronger love for our family, because God loves them even more than we do. God cares for those we care for and, You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed! Psalm 139:16. His care for them will become our care for them, and we will develop a stronger caring attitude towards our family. Close relationships do not grow over night. Our children do not become adults until 18 years after they are born. Growth and maturity take time. Just as our children grow and

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our relationship with them changes our relationship with God our Father can grow and mature. The time we have is a gift from God. What better way to thank God for that gift than to invest some of our time each day in developing our relationship with Him? God has time for us today, but are we willing to take time for Him? Will you choose to seek God today?

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4 - A Family Attitude One Sunday afternoon my wife and I had the chance to attend a church membership class. It seemed like they had always scheduled them when we were unavailable so we took this opportunity to go and get to know more about the church. The class was about three hours long and we were halfway through it when I got a call from my daughter. We had left Jonathan in charge and he has always been very good at keeping his brother and sister amused. Christy called and I went outside to talk to her and she did not say she was bored or anything, but that she was lonely. Normally on a Sunday afternoon she has plenty of friends to play with and being lonely is not a problem. I asked her what I could do to help her, and she said she wanted us to come home. I told her we would be home after the class and went back into the class. We had a break about 5 minutes later, so I talked to my wife. She asked what the call was about and I explained it to her. I told her I was thinking of running home to see Christy for a little while and I would hurry back. Wendy told me to do what I thought was best, so I headed for home. When I walked into the house Christy and the boys were quite surprised. I asked Christy what she wanted to do and we went out back and played for about five minutes. I told her we would be back in about an hour and I had to go back. The hug I received and the smile on her face when I left said that I had made the right choice. A family attitude is exhibited by our willingness to put our familys needs and sometimes their wants ahead of our own. Will we take the time to go back and comfort our child when they call and say they are lonely while we are on our way out the door to work? What is our attitude when our spouse or one of our children interrupts us when we are trying to do something? Do we react angrily or harshly? Do we tell them that we are busy and they need to go away? How should we react? The answer is with a demonstration that our family is our priority. We may need to ask them to wait a moment, so we can get to a good stopping point, but we do need to give them our attention. When we first got married we were living in a condominium in Bethesda, MD. There was a large field near our condo where a group of guys from Columbia used to practice as a team for their embassy league games. I saw them out there and asked them if I could join in. They agreed and I became a regular at their practices. It was interesting to watch, because while the guys practiced some of their wives and children would be watching. Whenever one of the kids wandered onto the field the scrimmage would stop and whoever had the ball would pass it to the child, normally only two or three years old. Then they would cheer him on as he kicked the ball and ran towards the goal. They would act like they were trying to get the ball from him and fall to the ground as he went by. Then when he scored a goal everyone would break out in cheers and the child smiling would be returned to the sideline and the scrimmage would continue. The family was the priority!

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Our families should not feel like they are interrupting us, but that they are more important than whatever thing we may be doing. We can always sit down at the computer again a little later to continue working, or return to the door we are fixing to finish it after we have spent some time with our child. If our child takes the time to come in and see us we should take the time to give our child the attention they are seeking. The project can be finished a little later, but the child may not be available to us later if we are not available to them now! Sandy and Harry Chapin capture the consequences of missing our childrens childhood perfectly in their song the Cats in the Cradle.

My child arrived just the other day, He came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away. And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew, He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad. You know I'm gonna be like you." And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon. "When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then. You know we'll have a good time then." My son turned ten just the other day. He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play. Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today, I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok." And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed, Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah. You know I'm gonna be like him." And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon. "When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then. You know we'll have a good time then." Well, he came from college just the other day, So much like a man I just had to say, "Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?" He shook his head, and he said with a smile, "What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys. See you later. Can I have them please?"

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And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon. "When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then, dad. You know we'll have a good time then." I've long since retired and my son's moved away. I called him up just the other day. I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind." He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time. You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu, But it's sure nice talking to you, dad. It's been sure nice talking to you." And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me, He'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me. And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon. "When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when, But we'll get together then, dad. You know we'll have a good time then." These are powerful lyrics with beautiful music that I loved growing up. I knew the words by heart. However, I did not really think about what the lyrics meant when I was a kid. Now when I hear that song I cannot help but cry. I am so moved by the opportunities the father misses when the child is growing up to spend time with him. Then when the father finally takes the time to notice his child and wants to spend time with him it is too late. The child that wanted him when he was young does not have any time for him as an adult. Then in the final verse it is the father who realizes his child had grown up just like him! So what can we do? It is never too soon or too late to start choosing the family priority. It is never the wrong time to make the effort to build or rebuild our relationships with our spouse or children. All it takes is the proper attitude A Family Attitude! Most of all what our families want is our time, not the money we can earn by working more hours. There are planes to catch and bills to pay as well as meetings to get to and things to do, but there are once in a lifetime family opportunities we will certainly miss if we spend most or all of our time pursuing our careers at the expense of our family. Sometimes it is a simple thing to show our family we care about them. Sometimes it can be much more difficult, because of poor choices we make. David committed adultery with Bathsheba. As a result of their actions a baby was born. God was not very happy with Davids actions and told David that the baby was going to die. Sure enough the baby got sick and there was nothing David could do to help the baby. He knew God was

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punishing him and fasted and prayed that God would spare the babys life. He acknowledged that he had done wrong and that the baby was innocent. Seven days later the baby died. Davids advisors were afraid to tell David that the child was dead. David noticed them talking quietly and asked if the baby had died. When they confirmed that the child was dead he got up from his fast cleaned himself up, worshipped God, and ate. His advisors were amazed, We dont understand you, they told him. While the baby was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the baby is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again. David replied, I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, Perhaps the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live. But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me. 2 Samuel 12:21-23. After that David went to Bathsheba and comforted his wife for their loss. They had another baby and named him Solomon. David promised Bathsheba that one day Solomon would be the king of Israel in his place. David knew the time to plead for the childs life was while the child was living. God does hear our requests and he has abundant grace for all the children in His family. David had experienced Gods grace many times already and he knew Gods heart would be breaking, so he sought his mercy. When the child died, David accepted Gods answer and went to meet his wifes need. David took the opportunity while the child was living. His concern was for his baby. He did not miss the opportunity and we do not want to miss those opportunities either. I can remember being home when my children read their first books. I am so thankful that my wife included me in this opportunity to share in an incredibly special time. I was home sick from work when my wife told me Jonathan was going to read his first book. I did not feel like going downstairs, but she insisted and I am so glad she did. Our children will have many firsts that we can share with them if we will choose to take the time to be there, and when we are there for them they will know they are our family priority. Sometimes as parents it is easy to focus our attention on our children and lose our focus on each other. While our children are extremely important and we do need to choose time with them we can not neglect our spouses. One day our children will grow up and leave us alone with our spouse again. Will our relationship be strong enough to last after our children are gone? Recently, many couples have started waiting until their children are grown up and then divorce. These couples give up on their spouse and never choose to try to restore the relationship. They lose that loving feeling and never choose to try to get it back. Love is a feeling, but it is also an act of the will. We choose where we spend our time and what we use our time to do. We choose who we spend time with and who we do not. How do we get a family attitude? It is like any good habit we try to start or bad habit we try to break. Just as we can choose to stop smoking, or drinking, or start to exercise or diet, we can also choose to develop a family attitude.

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This can be done either cold turkey, or gradually. It is up to us to figure out what will be most effective and realistic for ourselves. Some people give up smoking cold turkey. They throw their cigarettes out and choose not to smoke anymore. Some of us can just say my family is my priority and change their lifestyle to accommodate the new direction they have chosen. Others need to go more slowly. Start with coming home early a couple nights a week. Stay home on Saturday and be at the childs ball game. Take the wife out on a Friday night instead of watching TV, or working late or going out with your buddies. Changing a habit can be changed either way, and I have used both ways. I decided to start exercising cold turkey. I went to the gym and have only missed one or two workouts a week for over two years now. Dieting was a different story for me. I have gone very gradually on changing my diet patterns. I still like to go to the all you can eat buffets and have pizza and especially soda. I have started to mix in some diet sodas with my regular Mr. Pibb. I go out for all you can eat a little less often, and I have learned not to eat as much as I can, but only as much as I want. Marriage is our choice. Having children is also our choice. When we choose to have a family we need to make them our priority. We need to have a family attitude. We should take the time to talk to our spouse and children as often as we can. We must make the right choices and take the time to hug them, tell them and show them we love them and how important they are to us. We need to take the time to do things they want to do, and encourage them to come to us whenever they need or want to. They should not be afraid to come into our home office or our workshop and interrupt when we are doing something. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious god. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it! Hebrews 4:16. That is Gods attitude towards us as a part of his family. Will our family find grace when they come boldly into our office or work area?

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5 A Loving Way My mom died of breast cancer in 1994. She was diagnosed with it less than two years earlier and went through surgery and chemotherapy and radiation treatment, but it was a very aggressive cancer and she only lived about 18 months after the surgery. The last couple of weeks she was at Fairfax Hospital in the cancer ward when we went to see her for the last time. My wife and I were visiting her with our two sons, Jonathan, who was almost five years old, and Jeremiah who was under two. While we were talking to my mom, Jonathan got fidgety and left the room for a short time. When he came back into the room he showed us a picture he had drawn. It was the top floor of the hospital we were in. In each of the rooms he had put a cross. When I asked him what it was he explained that there was a cross in each room, because Jesus loved each person in each room. It was one of those moments where you know God is there. I had been so focused on my mom that I hadnt noticed my surroundings. When I saw that hospital through Jonathans picture I felt a hint of Gods love for each person He has created, including my mom. I believe that might have been the first time God made Himself real to Jonathan, because Jonathan saw the people there through Gods eyes and actions. Today I can still see Jonathans picture in my mind. Those crosses in each room really struck me. There is no greater symbol of love than the cross. Jesus said, Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. John 15:13,14. And then He did just that! That is the power of a loving way. The Bible makes the blanket statement, God is love! I John 4:8b. Jesus is the physical embodiment of Gods loving way. Jesus not only died out of love for people he lived a life of loving people. One day as Jesus was with his disciples a leper said, If you will, you can make me clean. Mark 1:40b. Jesus, Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, I will; be clean. Mark 1:41. Notice that Jesus not only said he would, but he touched the man, which was forbidden with a leper. That physical touch probably did as much to restore the mans emotional health as his miraculous healing did his physical health. Jesus healed the whole person, inside and out. A loving way is so much more than just a word we say to someone or about something. A loving way is part of our whole self, our emotions, our will and our actions. A loving way gives value and worth to what we do. Love is care and concern that causes us to make decisions and take actions for those we love Even if it costs us everything, and it did cost Jesus His very life. For God so loved the world that He gave His Son John 3:16a. Once again we are at the cross. It is not just the action of dying on the cross, but the willingness to obey God for the sake of the people he created and loves. Gods love for his creation paved the way for Gods

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decision to send Jesus Christ. Love is the way that Jesus to chose by willingly dieing on the cross for His creation. Love made Gods and Jesus choice meaningful and valuable. Paul said, If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth, but didnt love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didnt love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it, but if I didnt love others, I would be of no value whatsoever! 1 Corinthians 13:1-3. Jonathan sensed Gods love in the hospital. I saw Gods love in his picture. Jesus lived Gods loving way on earth. Seeing Gods love and knowing Jesus love for us gives us the power to live the same loving way for our families. I often tell my wife and kids, I love you! The word love is a great description of my feelings towards my family, but it is and should also be the cause of my actions towards my family. Love is an emotion, but love is also a choice and an action verb. So living in a loving way is willingly staying emotionally involved with our families and acting for the benefit and growth of our families for the right reasons. Just as love is Gods way, we need to live in a loving way. Our families should know we are doing things because of our love for them. Then our love will be a powerful force in building an unbreakable bond between us and our families. A loving way is beautifully demonstrated by Jesus with the leper (Mark 1:39-41) These are the three Rs of love: Regardless we choose to love someone regardless of how they respond (I Corinthians 13:7). Real love is not dependent on the one we are expressing our love to, but on the one expressing the love. Even if no one believed in Jesus after his death and resurrection, God would still have done it to try and reach his lost creatures. Remind them by expressing our love to them (John 21:15-17). Jesus restored Peter by having him express his love verbally three times, just as he had denied him three times. Peter needed to say it and we need to say it. Real love is demonstrated in real and practical ways (John 3:16!). Most parents would agree they would willingly give up their lives to save one of their children. God gave up His life to save His children. Living in a loving way is a choice that we must make for our families. There are times when we will not be loveable and times when our families will not seem loveable to us. However, our love should not be based on these feelings, but should be unconditional, because, Love never fails! 1 Corinthians 13:7. Committing our love for our families to God will help us endure the heartaches we will all encounter. Trusting God will help us to overcome obstacles to our love even when

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those we love choose to disregard or ignore our love. Most of the time this will not happen, but because each of us has free will and the ability to make our own choices there is always the possibility that it could happen. Living in a loving way with real love, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things! I Corinthians 13:7 Love is a positive and powerful force in our families. Love is amazing and amazingly complex. Love is beyond our ability to understand, but love is easy to see and perceive. We want our families to know we love them. They need to know we love them. Sometimes they will try us to see if we really love them or if it is just a word we say to them. How do we express love? Love can be expressed in a variety of ways. I grew up in a family where we did not say, I love you, very often. I did not think about it as a child until I was probably twelve years old. I remember we were visiting our cousins in Minnesota. It was bedtime and my Uncle came downstairs to say goodnight. He kissed each of his daughters and said, I love you, to each of them. I do not remember my parents saying this to me much as a child. They probably did, but not often enough for me to remember. When I saw my Uncle say that to his daughters I resolved that I would be that way with my family. I could visualize myself hugging my children and telling them, I love you. However, while my parents did not say I love you often enough to me, there was never any doubt in my mind about their love for me. They did not say it, but they demonstrated it and I understood it. I knew they loved me. One thing we have done to help us remember to express our love verbally to each other is a game the kids and I play. I can not remember how we started it, but when we say someones name it is followed by a race to see who can say, I love you, first. We also try to say someones name more than one time before saying, I love you. This has really helped us to be expressive about our love. It is easy to forget to say what we feel, but making a game of it has helped our family to say it more frequently. In addition, expressing love to my wife and children has helped me to verbalize it to my father and grandfather. Another way to express our love is by touch. People need and liked to be touched. I still remember the impression my Uncle made on me when he hugged his daughters good night. There is not a day goes by that I do not hug each person in my family when I am with them. We even have family hug times when someone will be hugging someone else and a third, forth and even a fifth person will join the hug. Even the dogs try to get in on our family hug times by barking and jumping up on someones leg. Demonstrating our love is so important. Expressing it is great, but behaving in a loving way brings it to life in our family. Anything we do can be a demonstration of our love. Everything from taking out the trash, to doing the dishes or folding the laundry can be a demonstration of our love.

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Another way we demonstrate our love is by showing them we are thinking of them when we are not with them. There are all kinds of ways to creatively demonstrate our love when we are not together a surprise gift, or appearance, a note left after we leave for them to find later in the day, flowers or even a phone call. Love is not demonstrated just by the affectionate things we do, but also by the times when we have to discipline them. And have you entirely forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his children? He said, My child, dont ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and dont be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as his children. As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Whoever heard of a child who was never disciplined? Hebrews 12:5-7. Often times disciplining our children is an opportunity to act in a really loving way. These opportunities allow them to see that regardless of what they may do we still love them. I know people who always pray with their children after they are disciplined. I havent done this very often, but when I do remember to do it, it has been very positive. Sometimes though, even if we say all the right things and do everything right, our loved ones will not respond to or may even reject our love! This is extremely difficult to understand. Even when we turn to God honestly and earnestly seeking an explanation we might not get the answer we desperately want. Job suffered incredible losses and pain, but God never explained why. God answered Jobs questions with a series of His own questions. Job did not reject God because of what he was going through, and neither should we. Our demonstration of love when we have been ignored or rejected is very important for the person who has rejected us. Job was hurt by his wife while he was suffering, but after God restored him they had ten more children together. Real love keeps no record of when it has been wronged! Real love overcomes any wrongs it may suffer and uses them to strengthen us, our love for others and our love and faith in God. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance! I Corinthians 13:7. Exemplifying a loving way is the foundation for a strong family. Experiencing Gods love in our own lives and knowing Gods love for us enables us to give real love to our families. Practicing a life of loving our loved ones will build stronger healthier relationships between us, our spouse, and our children. We will all receive the benefits of this healthy family environment. Love often starts as a feeling. Living in a loving way grows out of our emotions into a choice we make regardless of how the circumstances may change and takes wing when we demonstrate our love by both expressing it and living it out in the lives of our family. God is love. I John 4:8b, and we can live in a loving way just as Jesus did for us.

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6 Our Responsibilities So dont worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Todays trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:34. When I wake up in the morning one of the first things that comes to my mind is all the things I need to do. In other words all my responsibilities for the day. My to do list is my worries for the day. These are the things I am responsible to get done. When we have children, God really wakes us up to our responsibilities. Children take 20 years or so of our life to raise up to adulthood. Just as I have responsibilities that I need to take care of I have to teach my kids about responsibility. Another area where we have to teach our children about responsibility is what they can and can not control. Our son Jonathan is deeply involved in debate. Jonathan has been involved in debate for four years and is entering his fifth and final year of high school debate. He thrives on the competition of ideas that is at the core of debate. He doesnt believe he can or should lose at debate. This has led to numerous discussions about his responsibility. The competition of debating has been good for his mind, but unlike competitive sports deciding who wins a debate is very subjective. In a swim meet the winner is clearly the one who gets from start to finish the fastest. In debate the choice of a winner is not so easy. Policy debate is supposed to be an objective analysis of the facts and counter facts presented by each team. The judge or judges decide which team presented the strongest case and defended their position the best. The problem is that every debate is different and the skills of presentation and argument vary greatly from debater to debater. The debaters are also dependent on the judge to understand the points they are trying to make. These circumstances make debate much more subjective than swimming, or other sports. It is usually fairly easy to see who won a swim race. However, in debate the particular arguments and how they are presented will affect different judges differently. There is also your debate partner and the other team of debaters that have an impact on a debate round. As I mentioned, Jonathan always believes that his team should have won almost every round. Confidence is very important to anybody that is competing to win. In golf, bowling, or any sport you need to believe that you can make the shot and win. In some sports you cant compete if you dont have the mental confidence in your ability. In debate however, the judges do not always see things the way the debaters do. Debate is ultimately subject to the quality of the judge and their analysis based on their understanding of the arguments presented. Jonathan is very conscientious in his preparation and presents strong and sometimes complex arguments that it appears some judges may have missed or not understood. This can be frustrating and result in anger after some of the tournaments because of the

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judges decisions that he has not agreed with. His frustration and anger has led us into these discussions about his responsibility and attitude at debate tournaments. Part of competing is learning to be a good sportsman. I have stressed that debate is very subjective and he can only be responsible for how he does each round. If he did the best he could and he knows that he did everything he could during the round there is nothing else he could have done. He is only responsible for what he does and to some degree how his partner responds. He can not be responsible for what the other team does or how the judge votes, other than being as persuasive as he can. In debate, the judges have to make the best decision they can in a limited amount of time. We all have large and small responsibilities. Understanding our responsibilities is extremely important to being successful. Jonathan needs to learn how to compete with the right attitude now, so that his anger doesnt affect results he doesnt like at work later in life. Ezekiel, the prophet, received this commission from God, Son of man, I have appointed you as a watchman for Israel. Whenever you receive a message from me, pass it on to the people immediately, If I warn the wicked say, You are under the penalty of death, but you fail to deliver the warning, they will die in their sins. And I will hold you responsible, demanding your blood for theirs. If you warn them and they keep on sinning and refuse to repent, they will die in their sins. But you will have saved your life because you did what you were told to do. Ezekiel 3:17-19. God clearly outlined what Ezekiel was and was not responsible for. God also identified what He is responsible for. I have found it much easier to do my job when I know what my job responsibilities are. When you start a job you receive: Orientation about the office. A job description with your responsibilities. Supervision and guidance about company policies. An employee handbook. These help you to better understand and carry out your responsibilities. After my wife and I got married we did not find someone in our house to give us an orientation and help us understand our responsibilities. We did go to a church that required premarital counseling and this was very helpful, but it seemed to focus on building our relationship and being sure we wanted to get married. I do not remember much discussion about the responsibilities that we were assuming. We are both easy going and have worked out and continue to work out our responsibilities over the years. The difference between a job and a marriage is that you can leave a job if its not the right fit for you, but once you are married you have vowed, til death do us part! Marriage is supposed to be a permanent change of circumstances. I remember in driver education the first film we watched was of all the bad things that could happen when you drive a car. It definitely made you want to be more responsible about driving. Maybe marriage counseling should start with some horror stories of people who got married and should not have.

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Today responsibility is a four letter word. We want the government to take care of us. In the courts they have created temporary insanity as a defense to argue that the person is not responsible for whatever action brought him to the point of being in court! This is nothing new. All the way back at the beginning of the Bible, Adam and Eve were shifting the responsibility for their actions to someone else. God said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat? The man said, The woman whom thou gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate. Then the Lord God said to the woman, What is this that you have done? The woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I ate. Genesis 3:11-13. Our first ancestors tried to deny their responsibility for their actions from the very first, and so the cycle of passing the buck has gone on. In old England, a husband was legally responsible for any criminal activity committed by his wife. This law raised up a number of female counterfeiters who received no penalty for their crime! However, like Harry Truman, it is up to us, wherever we are in our married and family life, to wake up to the fact of our responsibilities and say, The buck stops here! We dont need the law to tell us, God has made it abundantly clear that we are responsible. Responsibility is a good thing, and not a four letter word! It is one of the building blocks for building a family. We are responsible for our decision to get married, and we are responsible for choosing to have children. Marriage and family are lifetime choices we make that affect not only ourselves, but our spouse, our children and our extended family. The choices need to be made carefully and with full awareness of the consequences. Too many people do not really consider marriage a lifetime commitment. I believe this careless attitude and a lack of understanding about the responsibilities of marriage and family has led to the family crisis we are facing today. Just as Adam and Eve tried to dodge their responsibility in the Garden of Eden men and women today still are not willing to accept the responsibility for the choices that they make. We can choose to break this downward spiral of ignoring our responsibilities and keep our wedding vows and make our family our priority and our responsibility! Divorce and single parenting are signs of breaking our responsibility, but our marriage and our children do not have to become one of these statistics. It is our choice. We are responsible for the success or failure of our marriage. That is why our first responsibility is and should be to our spouse. It is our responsibility as husband or wife to make sure that we have a good relationship with each other and open communication. If we take the time to make our marriage strong our children will directly benefit from this firm foundation.

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Successfully cultivating our marriage relationship is the most important job we are given on earth. The first thing God showed Adam is that he needed a helper. After God showed Adam his need he created Eve to complement and complete him as a person. Marriage is the most intimate and personal relationship we will ever have. There is something intangible in a marriage that the Bible describes as, the two shall become one flesh! We remain two distinct individuals but become one married couple. After God created Adam and Eve, God blessed them and told them, Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. Genesis 1:28a. Our relationship should not stop at marriage, but should include children. Children are a natural product of a healthy marriage. Children are an opportunity for us to participate with God in an act of creation, or in the blessing of adoption. When we adopt we are acting as God when he adopted us into his family, God sent Him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children! Galatians 4:5. Children are an opportunity for us to become more mature. A new child in the family can really wake a couple up to their responsibility. When our baby comes into the world it will not survive if we or someone else does not accept responsibility for it. I do not think I knew how much maturing I had to do until after our first son was born. As our family has grown we have had to become more and more responsible. As our marriage has continued and our children have grown from babies to teenagers and even young adults, I have learned and relearned what my responsibilities are as a husband and a father. As a parent I want to protect my children from harm, but I can not watch them 24 hours a day. I have learned that I am responsible to: Teach them And you shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 11:19. Discipline them Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4. Warn them Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; whenever you hear a word from my mouth, you shall give them warning from me. Ezekiel 3:17. Care for them You parents if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Matthew 7:9. This brings us back to understanding our responsibilities. We are directed to train up our children without provoking them to anger. We are the watchman for our family. It is our responsibility to look out for their best interests, but we are not responsible for their wrong choices, If I say to your child, You shall surely die, and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the child from his wrong choices, in order to save his life, that child shall die in his wrong choices; but his blood I will require at your hand. But if you warn your child, and he does not turn from his wrong choices, or from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you will have saved your life. Ezekiel 3:18,19. I have substituted your child for the wicked.

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This is what I have been learning about knowing my responsibilities as I have been trying to teach Jonathan about his accepting his responsibilities and leaving the consequences of his performance in the hands of God. There is so much that we can not control, but we can choose how we respond to things we do not have any control over. We do have important responsibilities, but we also know Him who is responsible for all of creation. This knowledge is one of the secrets to having peace in all of our circumstances and responsibilities. Even though God is ultimately responsible for all of creation He has given us the privilege of learning responsibility also. Scout Vespers ends with the line, Have I done and have I dared in everything to be prepared. We are responsible. As Harry Truman said, The buck stops here! Our primary responsibility is to our family, and becoming a family is a lifetime journey. We need to do everything we can to have a great family and leave the consequences of our actions to God. Remember, responsibility is a good thing and not a four letter word! Have you ever finished a project and felt that sense of accomplishment at getting the job done right. That is the goal of our responsibility. To build a family that at the end of our days we will receive the commendation from God, Well done good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your master! Matt 25:21.

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7 Powerful Prayers! I became a Christian in college. I also became good friends with a guy named Dave. Dave was an upperclassman and spent two years with me at college teaching me about God. I would not be who I am today if he had not taken time to make sure my relationship with God was real. However, two years was not enough time to me and apparently God agreed with me. Dave was going to graduate from VA Tech two years ahead of me, so at the start of his senior year I asked him what he was going to do after he graduated. He responded that he was thinking about graduate school. I asked him where he would be going and he named several schools including VA Tech. I had my first specific prayer request God keep Dave at VA Tech for two more years, please! By the springtime he had decided and God had answered my prayer. Well that got me two more years with Dave. That was great, but it still was not long enough to me. Once again I went to Dave, and asked him what he was planning to do after he graduated from school for the second time. He told me he had been busy applying for various jobs all around the country. I asked about any specific jobs he was interested in, so I could be praying for his decision. He told me that one of the jobs was in Northern Virginia with the federal government. Well I had decided that I was going to go back to Northern Virginia after graduating. I had another specific prayer request. I wanted Dave to move to Northern Virginia so we would be in the same general area. As we talked about the job with the government he asked me how it was when I worked there. I told him honestly that he would probably get to do some great stuff, but he would also become very frustrated with the speed at which the bureaucracy moved. Wonder of wonders Dave accepted the job with the government in Northern Virginia. That was great, but I was not sure we would see each other that much because it is a large area with lots of places to choose to live. I asked him where he was going to live once he got there. He did not know, but there was a church he wanted to be near, because it was the same denomination as the one his father was a pastor in. I asked him if he would want to share a house there. After a couple of months it was decided that four of us would move in together, including Dave and I, to a house in Springfield, VA. Another answered prayer. It was interesting that the year we lived in the same house was the first year of the five I had known Dave that we did not see each other practically at all. After a year, I changed jobs and was going to move to a place closer to where I worked. We agreed to stay in touch, and get together periodically. I am pretty selfish by nature and still wanted more time with him. I should say that Dave grew up as a Christian, was interested in missionary work and had a fantastic understanding of the Bible. He had also become my best friend after five years. We

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started getting together on a regular basis, more than we had in year five. Dave did eventually get frustrated with his job and decided to leave the government for a job in Washington, D.C. I also eventually left the job I had moved to and found work in Washington, D.C. Since we were working in the same general area again, I prayed that we could establish a weekly time to get together and pray. Another answered prayer. We ended up meeting weekday mornings for a couple of years to talk and pray together. Dave had always wanted to be a teacher and decided that he wanted to get his PhD so he could teach at the college level. He eventually applied for and was accepted at a school in Texas. I decided that it was time to let him move on and released him from his captivity. I thanked God for allowing us to develop such a great relationship and allowed him to move to Texas. It was the last answered prayer regarding Daves location. I eventually told Dave before he moved to Texas about all these prayers. He had been unaware of them, but enjoyed hearing my story. I still call and talk to him periodically. Next to my immediate family and my Dad, Dave is still my closest friend. Whenever I doubt God or how powerful prayer is, all I have to do is remember that God allowed me to influence someone elses movements for ten years! I have been a Christian for 25 years now. God has answered and continues to answer too many prayers for me to recount. I do not always get the answer I want, but I do get the answer that is best for me. These are real demonstrations to me that prayer is powerful. The Bible is full of stories of answered prayer. One of the funniest to me is the story of the Apostle Peter. He was arrested and put in jail over the Passover. Herods plan was to have him executed after the Passover, but earnest prayer for him was made to God by the church. Acts 12:5. The night before Herod was going to, bring him out, Peter was let out of prison by an angel and went to the house of Mary, the mother of John whose other name was Mark, where many were gathered together and were praying. Acts 12:12. God answered their prayers right in the middle of the prayer meeting! I find it very humorous because when Peter was knocking at the door they did not believe it was him, until he had spent some considerable period of time knocking at the door. It had to be a while, because she left, told the people praying that Peter was at the door, then had to try to convince them. She was probably very excited and had a hard time expressing herself. Finally the constant knocking at the door got their attention, and when they opened the door there was Peter! God wants us to pray. He wants us to pray about anything and everything that concerns us. Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6. This verse seems to indicate that there is nothing too insignificant to ask God about. The Psalms tell us God has taken the time to number the hairs on our head. What concern do we have that could possibly be less significant than that? (My apologies to any readers who have a deficiency of hair at this time in their life.)

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Praying about everything could take a long time, but that is okay, the Bible tells us to Pray constantly. Romans 12:14. I take this to mean that as we go through our life we should have an attitude of prayer. We should take specific time to pray, but as we are doing everything we do during the day we can be aware of Gods presence and be talking to God. I like the Muslim practice of being called to prayer five times a day. Being reminded to pray so many times can help us to develop an attitude of prayer. Instead of being called to prayer by someone else we could even set an alarm on our watch to go off each hour to remind us to pray. One summer I worked at an amusement park called Kings Dominion helping people get on and off the rides, watching the rides and walking around the park sweeping up trash. It was during that summer I read, Never flag in zeal, be aglow with the spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12: 12-13. It did not require much thought to work at the park so I determined to pray constantly, and it was one of the best summers of my life. Praying was so powerful that I felt extremely close to God, I saw many of my prayers answered, and God invaded and changed my life that summer. One in particular was regarding a struggle with a particular sin. I did not give into the temptation all summer as I prayed for God to provide a way of escape from the temptation. (I Corinthians 10:13) It was where I really started to develop an attitude and appreciation of powerful prayers. Another habit I have found very helpful to me is kneeling in prayer. There is something about kneeling that helps me to focus my attention on praying to God, and increases the power of my prayers. I believe the position also helps me to acknowledge my need for God to answer my prayers and my dependence on Him. We dont kneel before those who are lesser than us, but only to those who are in authority over us. Kneeling is a self acknowledgement of Gods authority over our lives. Kneeling is also a choice we make. God will not force anyone to kneel down before him before the end of the age. At that point we read that, Every knee will bow, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father! It is not, I have to kneel and pray, but I want to kneel and pray. I want to physically acknowledge my hearts attitude of submission to Gods authority and power. I find it very difficult to daily kneel in prayer. Currently I only kneel and pray about once a week. This is often for a very short period of time. The very fact that it is so hard to do is an indication that prayer is powerful and something I really need to do! Prayer is so powerful it should be the first thing we do. Prayer should be something we do constantly. Prayer should be something we do about everything. But prayer may also be the only thing we can do. A demon possessed child was brought to some of Jesus disciples while he was not with them. They tried to help the boy, but could not. When Jesus returned he commanded the spirit to come out and it did. Later, When he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, Why could we not cast it out? And

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he said to them, This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer! Mark 9:28,29. That is powerful prayer. For example, when our children are sick, or hurt we have very little that we can do to help them get better. While we get them rest, take them to the doctor, and get them the proper medicine to help them get better the best thing we can do is pray for God to heal them. Jesus is called the Great Physician, and James tells us, Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church and have them pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. And their prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make them well. And anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven. James 5:14-15. Praying is the only way we can acknowledge our sins to God and ask for and receive his forgiveness. Praying is an incredibly powerful action that we can do. Many times there is nothing better we can do than pray. There are many benefits to praying. Here are just a few: Praying involves God in our lives. Praying is good for us and helps us remember our need for Gods involvement. Praying draws us closer to God, and helps us to bring our will more in line with His will. God promises He will answer our prayers. (John 16:24). Praying gives us a peace that passes understanding. (Philippians 4:7a). Praying gives God the opportunity to answer our prayers and complete our joy. (John 16:24) Praying releases God to do for us what we can not do for ourselves. Praying works powerfully! God cares about what we are concerned about. God wants us to pray. Just as we want our children to tell us what they want, God wants us to tell him what we want. Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man of you if his son asks him for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him? Matthew 7:7-11. I know praying works for me. I also know praying will work for you. There is only one way I know of to get better at praying pray! Pray constantly, pray when you are alone, pray when you are with others, pray in church, pray at work, pray with your family, pray at night with your children, pray in the morning before you get out of bed, and pray all through each day. Pray standing up, pray sitting down, pray lying down and most importantly pray on your knees. Prayer will powerfully change your life. Prayer gives us influence over other peoples lives that we would never have on our own. Prayer will help us better understand what God wants us to be responsible for and what He is responsible for.

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All this talk about praying makes me want to pray right now. Dear God, thank you for giving us the ability to talk to you through prayer. Thank you for speaking to us as we pray. Help us to always turn to you in prayer. I pray that you will hear the prayers of those who are reading this right now and complete their joy so that they would continue to powerfully pray and see you answer their prayers that they may know that you are our God, and that you hear and answer all of our prayers. Amen.

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8 Attitude, Attitude, Attitude In real estate the most important thing is, location, location, location! In our familys life the most important thing is our attitude, attitude, attitude! I saw what a difference our attitude could make, and it is the difference between life and death! My father and his father both lost their wives within five years of each other. How they responded to their loss showed me the importance of our attitude and our lifes focus. My Grandpa McKay was over 90 years old when my grandmother got Alzheimers. She lived for over two years with Grandpa taking care of her. She did not recognize him anymore, but because she was alive he went on living a very happy life his attitude was great. He was the same strong grandfather I had always known. He could do anything, and always had a story to tell. He would tell us about driving all the old men in the community around to do their errands, but he was ten years older than any of them! Each day he would go to visit Grandma and then it was off to do whatever he had planned for the day. I did not realize how much his life was bound up in Grandmas. He had a great attitude and accepted his circumstances and enjoyed life, even though Grandma was not well she was there and that was what mattered. All of that changed when she died. I remember going to visit him with our family. The change was extremely dramatic. He was not the same man I had known, he had lost the attitude that had characterized him for over 90 years. He could not see beyond his tragic loss to all the people around him who loved him. He could not see his children, grandchildren and even his great grandchildren. Grandmas death instead of freeing her from Alzheimers and him from seeing her in such a poor state had broken his heart. On our visit he kept asking what time it was and if he should get back to the retirement house. His life was so bound up with Grandmas that his spirit died with my grandma. However, he was physically so strong that even though his spirit had died it took another 3 years for his body and mind to deteriorate. Grandpa McKay lost his family attitude and interest in life and those still around him, or he could have lived much longer and might even still be alive today. Grandpa lost his wife and could not overcome this loss and see those who loved him and still with him. My father, Grandpas son, also lost his wife due to illness. My Mom died of breast cancer in 1994. My parents spent almost all day everyday of their lives for over 25 years together and were married for over 30 years. The last 18 months was while my mom was fighting breast cancer. Dad was really broken up when Mom died. He went through a long grieving period, but with one difference from his father; he did not lose sight of God, or his family. He was able to see beyond his loss and give himself and his attention to his family. He missed Mom more than I will be able to understand, but he did not choose to turn inward and give up living. Dad chose to live for J.O.Y. Jesus, Others, Yourself.

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Both my Father and my Grandfather are/were strong men. Both of them lost their wives after a long illness. Both of them had a choice to make. Each choice was about their attitude towards the purpose of living. The difference was in their focus on life. I miss Grandpa McKay, he had so much to offer others, but he could not see God or the purpose of going on living. My Dad has continued to be a blessing for hundreds of others because of his focus on Jesus, others and finally himself! He volunteers at the local jail and we joke about him spending so much time behind bars! My Grandpa Jacobson, my Moms dad, is a great, great grandfather now. He has seen his childrens children to the fourth generation. He has not lost one wife, but two wives. He was married to each of them for over thirty years. Yet he still chooses to live and enjoy life and his family. In his last letter he wrote to me he said he is waiting for his 100th birthday, and has a new friend in the retirement community. His life is a reflection of his attitude toward living and joy in life. It is amazing to me the power that our attitude has over life, living and even death. I have already talked about an attitude of prayer and responsibility, but this chapter is about our attitude, and the difference it can make. Positive thinking is a popular concept today, but our attitude and a strong confidence in God is much more powerful than just positive thinking. A great attitude starts with our faith and hope in God (Jesus). It is this hope and the strength He gives us that should motivate us each day. Our attitude should not be based on the power of positive thinking, but the power of a loving God who cares about others and us personally! Each day we have is a gift from God for us to be used for others! Which of you by worrying can add a day to your life. Matthew 6:27. Positive thinking can result in good things happening, but confident living in the hope that God gives us is life changing. And attitude does count. When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, Surely this is the Lords anointed! But the Lord said to Samuel, Dont judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesnt make decisions the way you do! People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at a persons thoughts and intentions. I Samuel 16:6,7. Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount talked about how the anger comes before the actual murder. Paul explained to the Corinthians, Let each one do as he has made up in his own mind, not reluctantly, or under compulsion for God loves a cheerful giver. I Corinthians 9:6,7. God is not concerned as much about what we do, as He is about why we do what we do. A gift given to God with the wrong attitude is worse than not giving at all, because the attitude makes the gift a lie and not something we wanted to do, but felt we had to do. In both these passages we see that God looks beyond the surface into the thoughts, intentions and attitudes of the actions we do. Notice it does not say, God loves a large gift, but God loves a cheerful giver! Gods interest is in us as individuals. Who we are

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and why we do the things we do. We do not have anything God wants, other than a relationship with us. Recently our pastor asked us what our attitude was about going to church. When Sunday morning rolls around each week do you think, I have to go to church, or do you say to yourself, Its Sunday and I get to go to church today! It is better to stay home from church than to go to church with the wrong attitude. God wants us to want to be there to worship Him. Our attitude and motives are even more important than our actions. In I Corinthians 13, the chapter about love, Paul describes all kinds of extremely good things, but degrades them to nothing if they are not done with the proper attitude LOVE. Therefore, we should always be aware of our attitude and examine our motives for what we do. Our attitude during the day has a tremendous impact on whether it is a good day or a bad day. We can change the type of day we have by changing our attitude about the things we are doing during the day. It is amazing what a change we can experience if we pause when we start to develop a bad attitude and pray that God would give us the proper attitude and direction. The secret to a great attitude is keeping our focus on God! Our attitude is not something just for ourselves. It should overflow and affect those we interact with on a daily basis. My son Jeremiah is a good example of this. When he does something willingly his attitude and spirit just seems to burst out. When he does finally clean his room for a room inspection there is a zealous, cheerful spirit in him that is contagious in its power. At these times he exemplifies, Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16. It is not about being told what to do, but his willing attitude in the doing of it that is so powerful. I can see Gods Spirit at work in him. Our attitude is important not only because it affects our day, but also because it will affect everyone we come into contact with. So much of our communication is not verbal. It is estimated that 90% of what we communicate is nonverbal. This includes our facial expressions, our tone of voice, our body position and movements, what or who we are looking at and more. Many of these nonverbal signals are greatly affected by our attitude. We may feel like when we are sitting in a meeting, or talking on the phone with someone that we have hidden our feelings, but this normally is not true. People can see or hear how you feel about something, because our attitude is expressed nonverbally to them. For example, recently I had a phone call from a vendor regarding an overdue invoice. I have had many of these calls working as an accountant. This particular caller was extremely irate at me for not paying a bill that was 60 days past due. I looked through the system to see if the invoice was scheduled to be paid, and found no trace of it. I explained that I had not seen the bill yet. This just made the caller angrier. There was nothing I could do about the fact it was 60 days past due.

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It is very hard to pay a bill you do not have an invoice for. She said she was going to fax the invoice and expected payment immediately. Her whole attitude and tone of voice came through the phone with such force that after we were done with the conversation I instructed my assistant to hold the bill for two more weeks before we paid it. It sounds mean to me as I write this, but her attitude had so affected mine that I responded angrily to her. She received the satisfaction of her anger in getting angry at me, but my satisfaction came because her call, instead of achieving the objective of expediting our payment, actually assured that the bill would be 90 days past due before it was paid. Her attitude caused her to lose her focus on what she was trying to accomplish and allowed her inner feelings to affect how she communicated and defeated the purpose of her call! I have dealt with many vendors over the last 20 years and the ones who get the best response are the ones who are pleasant and seek help in a friendly way. Their attitude affected the results of their job in a negative way. I know the organizations I work for and I make mistakes and that some people do not submit bills to be paid on a timely basis. I will go out of my way for someone who is pleasant and all too often will further frustrate someone who is obnoxious. These examples show how important it is to be aware of our attitude with our family. We may be telling them the most important thing they will ever hear, but if they lose the message because of the way we present it, we have defeated what we are trying to accomplish. A mother was punishing her child for doing something wrong. She ordered him sternly to sit still while she did something. When she went back to him she asked him if he had stayed seated. He responded, I may be sitting on the outside, but I am standing on the inside! Her punishment was not effective discipline. A casual attitude is also dangerous. For me, I know it is easy for me to treat my family casually, because I am so familiar with them. However, my family includes the most important people in my life and I always try to have an attitude of love and care when I am with them. If our attitude is right when we are with them, than what we do when we are with them will probably be right also. This is especially hard in the busy world we live in. With the long hours at work, the longer distances we have to commute to get to work, one or both spouses working outside the house, and the wide variety of activities we can have our kids participating in it is easy to lose our attitude in the doing. A great attitude has us focus on the people we are with instead of the getting things done. I heard someone say that just before he gets home he stops by a telephone post, gets out of the car and hangs an imaginary pack with his work concerns on the post. The next morning when he leaves, he stops and gets his cares and goes back to work. This helps him to be undistracted and focus on his family with the proper attitude. The physical action helps him to separate his responsibilities and have the right attitude when he gets home from work.

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The important thing is that he takes the time to leave the things that concern him at work behind, so that he can focus his attention on his family. I do lots of creative things to make time for my family. This has been very good for us, but we need to remember not to let the urgent, the somewhat important, or the irrelevant interfere with what is truly important! I have not always been successful at remembering this. One Sunday Christy and I were playing games together. Before we started playing I was playing Spider solitaire on the computer. I kept playing while we were playing our games and missed an opportunity to focus my attention on my daughter. I had the wrong attitude when we sat down to play and missed a great opportunity to get connected. What can we do to make sure we have a great attitude when we are with our family? Pray for our attitude when we are with them. Try not to be or act tired when we are with them. Give them our undivided attention. Separate them as a person from any action, good or bad, that they may do or have done. Be aware of Gods presence with us. We have the ability to choose our attitude, and the more our attitude is a reflection of Gods attitude the more we will enjoy living, and the more others will enjoy being around us. When our confidence is in God and our attitude reflects this confidence we will be like Jesus. When Jesus was approaching a town we do not read about people running from him, but people seeking a chance to hear or see him. People knew instinctively that Jesus had a love for people. When we realize we are here not just for ourselves, but we are here to bring Joy to the world, Jesus to Others by You we can turn our world upside down. Is our attitude, the same as Christ Jesus had? Philippians 2:5. Are we living a life of J.O.Y.?

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9 A Peaceful Home

We were sitting on a subway train in Paris, France. The train had not moved for over 20 minutes and I was getting very anxious. We only had a few hours left in Paris before we had to catch our train back to London. As I paced around the train, watched other trains come and go and wondered why we werent moving my wife sat there quietly reading her book. The contrast between the two of us was clear. The thought came to my mind, Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding -will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus our Lord. Philippians 4:6-7. It was a great thought, but it was too late. I had plenty of anxiety by then, and I was not going to give it up! The contrast between us was stark. Wendy was at peace and I was not. Wendy was waiting patiently and I was not. Wendy was persevering with me and trying to keep the kids calm, and I was not. Peace, patience and perseverance three critical attributes of our attitude as we build our family. We were in Paris, on our way to the Eiffel Tower and got on the wrong train in the Paris subway not once, but twice and we were not moving. My wife was content to be in Paris; I was getting more and more anxious about getting to the Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel Tower was our last stop on our visit to Paris. All of my family was looking forward to going to the top. We had just finished lunch and were lost somewhere underground in Paris. I had become very anxious on the train. I had also become very impatient. When the train finally started moving again it was going back the way we had just come, and I was losing it. It is a good thing there were not any other passengers on the train when we left where we had been. At the next stop we detrained and asked directions for the third time. The person we asked was very helpful and led us to the correct train. When we got to the stop for the Eiffel Tower someone there helped us take the right path so that we did not get stuck trying to cross traffic. But it was too late, I had become Captain Anxiety, and the worst for my family was yet to come! When we got to the base of the Tower there was an hour long line just to buy tickets! I was not sure if we would have enough time to go to the top so I asked the agent there. She told me there was another 45 minute wait at the 300 foot platform for the elevator to the top. That was too much for Captain Anxiety I bought tickets only to the 300 foot level and away we went. The 300 foot level was nice, but it was not 900 feet. The kids really wanted to go to the top. Unfortunately for Captain Anxiety when we got to the 300 foot platform we learned that we could have gone up to the top with no delay. I realized I had forgotten one of the best rules I had learned for foreign travel Do not worry about the cost, when is the next time you will be back! In my anxiety I had been afraid to spend the few extra francs to buy tickets to the top on the chance that we would be able to go all the way to the top. I

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have wasted more money not paying bills on time than it would have cost to buy the full ticket. The anxiety and impatience had blocked my thinking and led to a really poor decision. It was Jeremiah who worked to restore my peace. He spent our time at the three hundred foot platform with me. We shopped, looked at the sights, and talked. He was there with me the whole time encouraging me that the important thing was we were together, In Paris, on the Eiffel Tower, and it was the best vacation we have ever had! Peace, patience, and perseverance provide clarity of vision, calmness in difficulties and perspective for the goal to be achieved. These three enable us to respond to each situation in a calm, wise and effective manner. Peace comes when we know God is in control (Isaiah 26:3). Patience is the result of responding in love (I Corinthians 13:4). Perseverance is seeing that each action and decision is part of the marathon of raising children and building a strong marriage relationship (Hebrews 12:1)! Moses lived for 40 years leading Israel to the Promised Land. Over that time he could not have lasted without knowing Gods peace, exercising tremendous patience and constantly persevering. The following is just an early example: When the Israelites saw the king coming with his army, they were frightened and begged the Lord for help. Exodus 14:10, and A large cloud had also gone ahead of them, but now it moved between the Egyptians and the Israelites. The cloud gave light to the Israelites, but made it dark for the Egyptians, and during the night they could not come any closer. Exodus 14:19, 20. Moses and Israel saw the same facts. They both saw the Egyptian army and they both saw Gods presence. While Moses was focused on God, the Israelites could only see an angry army led by Pharaoh approaching. At the Red Sea, The Israelites also complained to Moses, Wasnt there enough room in Egypt to bury us? Is that why you brought us out here to die in the desert? Why did you bring us out of Egypt anyway? While we were there, didnt we tell you to leave us alone? We had rather be slaves in Egypt than die in this desert! BUT Moses answered, Dont be afraid! Be brave, and you will see the Lord save you today. These Egyptians will never bother you again. The Lord will fight for you, and you wont have to do a thing. Exodus 14:11-14. Gods rescue was not immediate, but it was going to occur. Moses confidence was in God, but the Israelites had lost their focus and were impatiently complaining to Moses about the problems they saw. Because Moses saw God moving, he was at peace while the Israelites were frightened. Even though the Israelites were complaining against him Moses was willing to persevere, because he knew where God was taking them, and his confidence was in Gods ability to do what he had promised. They were all in the same situation. They could all see the Egyptian army and they could all see the cloud of fire, but only Moses had the peace to respond to the situation properly. This was not a one time incident at the Red Sea, but happened over and over

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again. Moses was responsible for raising a nation, and we are responsible to raise a family! The numbers are much less, fortunately, but we do need to exercise peace, patience and perseverance to be successful. The three of them combined give us the ability to be great parents for our kids and faithful partners for our spouses, and that is the primary goal of entering into a marriage. Our peace in God, patience with our family and continued perseverance through difficulties without giving up, give us the necessary framework to meet our familys needs at every level. Peace is the foundation of the three, especially living in the peace that God gives us. It is much easier to be patient when we are calm and not anxious. If we have peace, and confidence in God as Moses did, we can create a peaceful family environment for the growth and development of our family. Internal peace is something we receive from God the closer we are to God the greater the peace we will have. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid! John 14:27. Yes, peace is a gift of God, but we must choose to live in peace. In Paris, peace was the furthest thing from my heart. I had completely stepped outside of the peace God gives and my whole family lost out because of my loss of perspective. Over the 19 years we have been married I have seen my peace grow stronger as my relationship with God and my family has continued, but in Paris I, and my family suffered from my anxious decisions. Ultimately the peace that God gives us is based on our confidence in God and his promises. If we do not believe in God or that He can do what He says he will do we will be anxious. True peace comes when our confidence is that God is in control. With time our confidence and peace should grow as we see God at work in our family. Love is patient. I Corinthians 13:4. The first characteristic of love is patience. God is love, and God is long suffering (patient). I am so glad I know God loves me. The number one way I see His love manifested towards me is in His patience with me. As I get to know God better, and see how many ways I do not live the life He wants for me, the more I realize how long He has suffered with my mistakes to keep our relationship alive. I find it easier to be patient when I am at peace. When I am not anxious, or insecure, I am more patient with those I love, just as God exercises patience with me, the child He loves. One way I have seen my patience grow and can measure my progress is in the way I discipline my children. When my kids were all younger than ten, I remember times when my discipline was not with patience because of my love for them, but in anger because of what they had done to upset me. The difference in the effectiveness of my discipline of my children when I exercise patience is dramatic. I can calmly and objectively explain why they need to be disciplined and how they will benefit from this in the future. This is another example of how

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important our attitude is in everything we do. If we are at peace, and we exercise patience, not only will our discipline benefit our children, it will also create a stronger relationship between us. They will see that even though we have to discipline them; we love them regardless of what they do. Our discipline is motivated by our love for them. I want to be patient, but too often I get impatient. In studying my impatience I find that I most often lose my patience because I want things to happen on my schedule. This is a change of perspective from Jesus and others first to me first! When this happens I become impatient and tend to lose my patience and my temper. My patience suffers when I lose my focus. My internal peace is lost because I have allowed the circumstances to cloud my judgment. Yesterday is a great example of this struggle with patience. I was at the pool with my daughter, and it was time to go. I needed to get home and take my son to a debate session. At 6:15 I told Christy it was time to go. She got out of the pool I finished what I was writing and turned my computer off. She was standing there watching people in the pool so I assumed she was ready to go. I got up and told her we needed to leave and to my surprise and consternation, she needed to dry off and change. As the minutes passed and she delayed our departure I found myself losing my patience. I had just been writing about patience when this episode occurred. Even after writing about the importance of patience with our kids I was losing mine with my daughter. Finally, I told her I was going out to pull the car up and she needed to meet me out front. As I was loading my computer in the car she walked up and then stopped by the door. I told her to hurry up and get in. I had just had two encounters with my impatience in less than 5 minutes with my daughter. The second one caught me off guard and almost resulted in a burst of anger. I so wanted to yell and managed to restrain myself to a lecture that ended with each of us having a better understanding of the other persons thinking. God demonstrated his patience with my impatience and when I got home my son was on the front steps waiting patiently for me to take him to debate! Perseverance is patiently creating a peaceful family environment for your family over a long period of time. Have you ever asked your children, How many times do I have to tell you that? That is perseverance; repeating something over and over until they get it. For example, one of the rules in our house is that on Sunday morning we are not allowed to use electronic entertainment before church. This includes us parents as well as the children. Yet every Sunday I catch myself and normally all three children watching the television, or playing a game on the computer, or using their Gameboy. How many times do we have to repeat the same lesson over? I dont have an exact figure yet, but I know it is more than we have so far! This no different than God, who patiently repeats lessons for us over and over until we get it! At the Cape I am learning perseverance every year. We go to Cape Cod every summer to visit my wifes parents at their house near the beach. One of the things I found interesting the first time I went with her is that many of the beaches are rocky. These rocks wash in

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and out with the tide and create something called sea glass. Sea glass is bits of broken bottles that have washed up on the shore. The glass has been polished by the rocks and the water so that it is smooth with no sharp edges. I have developed a real liking for sea glass, so each time we visit we spend time beachcombing looking for little bits of sea glass. We are trying to collect a large bottle of it to put on the fire place mantle. Most of the pieces are very small, but each time our collection grows a little larger. Looking for sea glass is a very peaceful activity, but it takes patience and perseverance to find those little pieces of polished glass! From my travails in France on the subway and driving in the car I am learning: When the train is stopped, God is not! When I am in stopped in traffic it is a good time to wait on God. When I am in resting God, I am really moving. Creating the treasure of a family takes a peaceful heart, and patience looking to the end from the beginning and persevering through it all. Peace, patience and perseverance are the result of time spent choosing to abide in Gods peace as we meet the challenges of each new day.

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10 Family Treasure No man knows his time. Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. Psalm 127:1 But God said to him, Fool! This night your soul is required of you. Luke 12:20. I grew up in a very safe neighborhood. My parents always left the doors to the house unlocked and we would often have the windows open on the first floor. When I was a teenager I asked my parents if I could sleep in the laundry room on the first floor. It was called the laundry room because there was a laundry chute from my parents closet upstairs to this room below. The funny thing is the laundry that went down the chute never got washed. The washer and dryer were in the basement and this room was kind of the ignored room of the house for six years. My parents said yes and I had my own bedroom. It was the biggest room in the house besides the basement, but it was unfinished. Most of the stuff in there had just kind of accumulated over the years, like the pile of laundry underneath the chute. We lived in that house for over 12 years and this was about the seventh year of our time there. It took a while to get the room picked up and organized, but eventually it was a great bedroom for a teenager. I had my bed next to a window and liked to sleep with the window open. One early morning as I was sleeping something awoke me. When I became conscious of what was happening there was a man in my room kneeling next to my bed. He asked me to do something and I said that I did not want to. He then told me he had a knife and asked me again to do the same thing, I dont remember what it was, but I was very scared and nervous. I said I could not and asked him if he would leave. He said no and asked for the third time. I told him I hadnt opened my eyes and seen him and he could leave and no one would ever know he had been there. He did not say anything to that and I kept my eyes tightly closed I was so scared. After about ten minutes I finally dared to open them and he was gone! I have never felt so close to death as I did that night. There was no reason for that man to choose my room to come into, except that it was easy to get in, and there was no reason for him to leave as he did. I dont know why he chose to leave, but as I look back on that night over 30 years ago, I believe that God protected me that night. Unless the Lord guards the house. Psalm 127:1. Our life is over when God determines it is over, so we need to learn to treasure our days. It doesnt matter what our circumstances are, because we cant control everything and

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even a random accident could end our life. And he told them a parable, saying, The land of a rich man brought forth plentifully; and he thought to himself, What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops? And he said, I will do this; I will pull down my barns, and build larger ones; and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; take your ease, eat, drink, be merry. But God said to him, Fool! This night your soul is required of you; and the things you have prepared, whose will they be? Luke 12:16-20. It was much later, after I became a Christian, that I realized it was God who had protected me that night. I have also learned that each day I am alive is a day of grace given to me by God. I am reminded, How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog its here a little while, then its gone. What you ought to say is, If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that. James 4; 14,15. The longer I live the more I realize that I have absolutely no control over how long I will live. Just watching the other drivers on the road is enough to cause me to treasure each day as a gift from God, and it is important to use it as best I can. Often times I fail and am reminded of a story Dr. Ravi Zachariais uses, A little girl comes to her teacher and asks, May I have a new piece of paper I have ruined this one? The teacher responds, Yes, go and do better. At the end of the day the teacher goes to God and says, May I have a new day, I have ruined this one? God responds, Yes my child, go and do better. How often we dont use the time we are given wisely. If we miss a day at work, the job will still get done. If we lose our job, we can find a new job. If we miss the day our child takes his or her first steps we will have missed that day forever. Time is a family treasure. Therefore, our time with our family, is the most valuable thing we can do with it. In Harry Chapins song the father is too busy with, planes to catch and bills to pay! But by the end of the song the father has realized how he wasted his treasure on things that dont matter. I have made many bad choices and poor decisions. I have wasted a bunch of money on poor choices and bad things, but I have always been very good about prioritizing time with people over time on things. In college after I became a Christian I got more involved in the Navigators. As a junior I invested most of my spare time with them. I wanted to learn as much as I could about God and help others learn about God. I remember making a commitment that if it came down to a Navigator activity with other people, or studying for an exam the only way I could choose to study more was if I hadnt wasted any time available to study the week before. In my final two years in college I can only remember one exam that I stayed away from a Navigator activity to spend the time studying. It was not because I was such a good student, but there was only one week I can remember where I really did not waste any time and needed more time to try to get ready for the exam. There is not one test I took after a Navigator activity that I think I could have done better on if I had used those few hours for more study instead of going to the activity.

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This is probably the most valuable lesson I learned in college People are a better investment of our time than things. School is important, but time with people is a valuable treasure. This principle has stayed with me to today. I would rather invest my time with my family than spend it on other activities or work. Once a day is gone we cant relive it. We can ask God for a new one to do better, but we cant have that day back. When my wife and I got married we never sat down and said we are going to make time with our family our priority. However, we did consciously decide we were going to make all of our family our priority. This has helped our family to get to know many relatives better than I got to know many of my familys distant relatives. We have also explained to the kids why we prioritize certain choices based on the people involved. We want them to know how important people and family are. Time is so important to our family. We spend enough time together that it seems unnatural not to be doing something with someone in our family. From the time we got married we have always made each other our first priority. We have been married for over 19 years and still regularly go on dates. When Jonathan was less than two years old we took a week at Christmas to go to a conference together and Wendys parents watched Jonathan. Our tenth anniversary we went to England, and Wendys parents watched our children. Our first priority is each other, and then we focus on our children. We have always stressed to them that they are very important, but after they move out on their own we will still be together. One of my greatest fears is growing apart from my wife. Because of this fear I try to make sure I invest enough time with her. However, our children arent neglected in our attention. I have stayed home with my wife after the birth of each of our children at least one week. Her mom has also come down to help her with other chores around the house so that she could devote her time to the new baby. This gift of time to our children has not changed from the time they are very young to the present with our teenagers. We have always made bed time a priority in our family. From the time they were very young we have read with them, held them, sung to them, tucked them in and prayed with them. Bedtime takes between 45 minutes and an hour on a good night (quick process). Back in 1990 I heard a presentation on Focus on the Family about home schooling. I made a comment to my wife after I got home and she said thats interesting. Two years later she said, Ive been thinking about your suggestion. I was not sure what suggestion and she said, You know home schooling! I had put that thought out of my mind. Home schooling is a huge investment of time and energy in our kids, and their education. I believe it is one of the best decisions we have made as a couple. It has allowed us to stay very involved in their education and allows them the flexibility to choose what they

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want to study. With each of our children we have been able to give them more involvement in choosing what they want to study, and how to spend their day. Jonathan, as a senior, has selected most of the courses for this year. Family is all about time. There s such a thing as quality time, but it can never replace a good quantity of time. As with our attitude it is never too late or too early to start focusing our time on our family and giving them the time they need. All it takes is time. Earlier I talked about the Harry Chapin song, The Cats in the Cradle. If I could rewrite the lyrics as I hope my family would sing them they would go like this: Our child arrived just the other day, He came to the world in the usual way. There were things to do, but I had to stay. He learned to walk and I was amazed. And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew, He'd say, "I love you dad. You know I love you." And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon. "Can you tuck me in now dad, can you tuck me in now?" "Id love to son, come on lets pray You know we had a good time today!" Our family grew bigger just the other day. He said, "Thats three kids now dad, come on let's play. Can we kick the ball awhile?" I said, "Yes it is a good day, we got the time come on lets play." My child said, "That was fun today." And as we walked to the house his smile never dimmed, Said, "I had fun with him, yeah. You know I had fun with him." And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon. "Can you tuck me in now dad, can you tuck me in now?" "Id love to son, come on lets pray You know we had a good time today!" Well, my child is looking at colleges these days, So much the adult I just had to say, "Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?" He nodded his head, and he said with a smile, "What I really need, dad, is to talk to you please.

That is where I have to end our song, because our oldest is just now starting the process of choosing a college and a path of study. Lets choose to invest more time with our wife

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and children and see if we cant store up treasures with our family and rewrite the direction and history of our family today. Our greatest commitment in life is to our family. Time is our most valuable asset that each of us only has a very limited amount of. Each day is an opportunity to choose who, what, and where we will invest our time in. Does our use of our time reflect the value of our family in our life. There is no such thing as too much time with our family. We need to take some time today to connect with our wife then our children.

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11 Looking Forward for Our Families Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6. It is hard for children to know what they want to do for the rest of their life when they are a teenager and have not experienced much of life and dont know about all the opportunities that are available to them. That is why it is important for us as parents to be observing our children and as we notice their interests and strengths giving them opportunities to try those things they excel in. When I was a child I did not have much of an ideal about what I would enjoy doing, or even what jobs I might have an aptitude for. I kind of stumbled into accounting as a profession, and Virginia Tech as the school I should attend. My neighbors had three older brothers that all went into accounting at college, so it was a choice I had heard about. I decided to try a class in high school and enjoyed the class. I seemed to have a natural aptitude for accounting. I am now the parent of three children and have been watching each of them since they were babies. Each child is so different that it is hard to say this one liked this so that one will also. It has been fun to watch them grow, and to expose them to different activities. Jeremiah, our middle child really liked soccer as a small child. He also liked me coaching and was very enthusiastic about playing the game. After two years he tired of soccer for a period of time. He played again for another season or two and then took another break. Since our move to Richmond something triggered in his mind and he has his original enthusiasm again. He has also grown and developed now, and is an excellent defensive player. He knows he enjoys playing soccer and he knows when he plays well, but he is not thinking about if this might be something that he can do for a long time or just as a form of weekend exercise. Finding opportunities for him to improve his skills and play against better competition is part of looking forward for his future interests and abilities. He has taken to practicing on his own and I try to practice with him also. His energy and enthusiasm are unbounded and his skills are developing very quickly now. As I watch him play I try to picture where he could be in four years, and if soccer is something he may want to pursue into college. It is part of training him up. Trying to see what he enjoys and can do well and giving him opportunities to excel. The amazing thing is that God promises that he will do far more than we can ask or think. Jeremiah hasnt been thinking about soccer in the future. He is living in the present. My trying to look ahead is to help him develop life skills that he enjoys.

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These are some of my thoughts for Jeremiah and his growth in just one area. We arent limited to just one dream either. Dreams are free and exercise our imaginations. My dream of getting married gave me hope that I would one day get married. I enjoy dreaming about the future. Psychologists or Motivational coaches would call it visualizing, but I just think of it as dreaming. However there is more than just physical activity to life. While I was at the Grand Canyon I found the following quote on the back of one of the hotels on the South Rim, Dreams of Mountains, as in their sleep, they brood on things eternal! Preparing our family for the future includes getting them ready to walk in faith on their own. This is something I have not done well about, but has come more into focus in recent years as I try to look forward for my family. Sometimes our vision of the future comes directly from God, One night Joseph had a dream and promptly reported the details to his brothers causing them to hate him even more. Listen to this dream, he announced. We were out in the field tying up bundles of grain. My bundle stood up, and then your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before it! Joseph also had a second dream, Listen to this dream, he said. The sun, moon, and eleven stars bowed low before me! Genesis 37:6,7. That was quite a dream. Joseph was the second youngest of 12 brothers. Not only did he have the dream once, but he had a different dream with the same meaning a little later, Then Joseph had another dream and told his brothers about it. Listen to this dream, he said. The sun, moon, and eleven stars bowed low before me! Genesis 37:9. Fortunately, or unfortunately, God did not fill in the details for Joseph. And the details are not what you would expect from these two dreams. What were these details? Before he got to them they showed their scorn by calling him a dreamer. His brothers jealousy caused them to throw him into a pit. Then they changed their minds and decided to sell him into slavery in Egypt. Joseph was then bought by a man in Egypt. He was falsely accused by his owners wife of trying to rape her. He was then thrown into jail for a crime he did not commit. He was then given the ability to interpret other peoples dreams. After they were interpreted and came to pass Joseph was forgotten again! He was another two years in jail before he was finally remembered. Even then it did not seem possible his dream would come true. It is hard to decide if Joseph would have shared his dreams if he knew what it would have meant. However, if he had not shared his dreams he may never have been in the position he was in to have the dreams fulfilled the way they were. And Josephs dreams were fulfilled beyond anything he could imagine! Look at the complete answer Joseph received. He was made second ruler in Egypt only subject to Pharaoh. He was given a bride from Pharaohs family.

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He was able to save not only his life, and his familys life, but the lives of the whole region from Egypt through all of the Middle East. His brothers and parents did indeed come and bow down to him! His family was given the best land in Egypt and held in high regard. He was highly respected by the entire world because of his foresight and planning! Joseph looked forward for his family!

God is able to do far more than we can ask or think, so lets look forward knowing God has plans for us and that they are for our good to give us a future and a hope. Looking forward is only the first step in preparing our family for the future. Jeremiah may or may not become an excellent soccer player, but we have time while he is young to see where his abilities might lead to. Josephs dream took even longer. Dreams are a source of hope and direction. That is why after Jacobs death Joseph could say, Dont be afraid of me. Am I God, to judge and punish you? As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil. He brought me to the high position I have today so I could save the lives of many people. Genesis 50 While Joseph was forgotten by his brothers in Egypt, God had not forgotten Joseph. When the time was right God made Josephs dream into reality. Joseph must have thought at some point how could the second youngest child from a small family who was a jailed slave in Egypt ever expect his dream to come true. Joseph was not the only dreamer in the story, the cup bearer, the baker and Pharaoh all had dreams also. Therefore, Joseph saw Gods hand in all the events that transpired. Joseph saw Gods purpose fulfilled in his dream as it came to pass. Even though he probably would not have chosen the route he had to take he realized that he was where God wanted him and that God was indeed in control. Only God knows the future, so even though our dreams may seem impossible to us God is the God of the impossible. Not only do we often have dreams that are inspired by God, but God also has plans and dreams for us. I know the plans I have for you plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope! Jeremiah 29:11. His plans are always for good and not for evil. We can also know that, But Gods discipline is always right and good for us because it means we will share in his holiness. Hebrews 12:10b. Therefore if we are going through difficulties, or hard circumstances we can be sure that God was not surprised and ultimately whatever we are facing God has allowed it for our benefit and our good in accordance with His plans for us. While God has plans for us, we should not be idle, but should do our best where we are and plan for the future keeping our focus centered on God. For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which he prepared before hand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10. What you ought to say is, If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that. James 4:15. Our hopes and dreams should keep in mind that God is ultimately in control of everything that happens to us and that we should be

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doing good where we are, and acknowledge Gods authority over our plans giving our dreams to him. We start dreaming at a young age. Every child has dreams and aspirations. When a child says he is, Going to be a fireman, when he grows up he is expressing a dream. These dreams give him a direction to pursue. Dreams give us hope; therefore, dreaming shouldnt stop with childhood. We should also dream as adults. We have dream jobs, dream vacations and dreams of things we would like to accomplish. As parents we also have dreams for our children. Just as God has dreams for us, we have dreams for our children. My dreams for my kids arent you will be a CPA when you grow up, but I would like you to be happy and have certain character qualities. I dont want to run their life for them, but I want them to be a people with good character and the ability to pursue their dreams. As I sat at the Grand Canyon I read these words at the back entrance to the El Tovar hotel, Dreams of Mountains, as in their sleep, brood on things eternal. Reading these words it struck me. Do I really brood on things eternal? While I was at the Grand Canyon I think I saw clearly, big dreams are not limited to this life, but even more so, should focus on things eternal. It is good to keep eternal things in mind as we dream and plan. Eternity is a long time and the span of time we have before we die is very short in comparison. Therefore our dreams and plans need to include eternity in them. It is good to make plans for our physical future, but we also need to be prepared to spend eternity with God. Heaven is a real place. And, It is there prepared for a prepared people! Dave Pollock, Sr. God is real, Jesus is real and eternity starts for us at birth. Do not be troubled. You trust God, now trust me. There are many rooms in my Fathers home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If it were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. John 14:1-3. Therefore, keep looking forward, but dont forget to plan and do! If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that. James 4:15. Planning is preparing to make our dreams into reality. Jesus commends planning as important, But dont begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building, without first getting estimates and then checking to see if there is enough money to pay the bills. Luke 14:28. This book is a dream I have had for a long time. Writing it is only the first step in making it a reality. One of my goals for the career change is that it will free more of my time to spend it with my family. I would like to be more involved in my kids education, but I also have a responsibility to provide for them. I have tried to teach a course a couple of times, but work has a way of interfering with keeping a regular schedule. Therefore, I would like to be responsible for when I work and when I dont.

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Since I have several different clients and a couple of start up business opportunities I have to plan time for writing. I have a goal to write a certain amount each day. This makes the total task, much more manageable. It also makes it psychologically easier for me to focus on spending the necessary time to accomplish one days writing, instead of looking at the total words in the book. So dont worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Todays trouble is enough for today! Matthew 6:34. By planning I have been better able to focus on making progress each day instead of being overwhelmed into procrastination by the size of the task. Planning should also start earlier rather than later. A simple look at the requirements to save for a childs college education is a good illustration for starting as early as possible. If it takes $40,000 to send a child to college and we start saving when the child is born we have 20 years and only need to save $2,000 a year or $150 per month. If we start when the child is 10 years old we need to save $4,000 a year or $300 a month. It is much easier to set aside the smaller amount for a longer period of time. In addition, if we start earlier, or even before we get married we get used to living on our income without those funds. Another alternative is, to establish a budget. As our income grows, hopefully, we can choose to live on the same income and save any pay increases. Planning requires discipline and consistency. It takes discipline to live within a budget. Everyday we are bombarded with messages saying we need to spend our money on this or that to be happy. Planning and seeing the purpose of our plans helps us to maintain the discipline necessary to achieve our goal. Losing weight is another good example of planning. I never planned to get overweight, but it happened. When I finally decided to face reality and step on the scale I had gained over 50 pounds in 15 years. It takes discipline to go to the gym and work out each day, but it also requires consistency. Since I started working out to lose weight I have had to be very consistent in my exercise program. I did not want to give up eating what I wanted to so I have to consistently burn the calories at the gym. Over the last two years I have lost 25 pounds by consistently working out five times a week, and being just a little more careful about my eating. I have learned as soon as I miss a couple of days workouts that I quickly put weight back on. Seeing the weight off has helped me to be consistent and disciplined in working out. Therefore, I plan my week in advance and make exercise a very high priority. Everyone starts dreaming at a very young age, and dreams are a natural part of living. Dreams are good for us and give us hope. God is often the inspiration for our dreams and he has dreams for us also. Dreams are good, but chasing our dreams gives us direction. Pursuing our dreams requires planning. Planning involves creating practical steps for getting from where you are to where you want to be. There are many ways to plan, but it

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requires consistency and discipline. I have found that creating daily and weekly goals makes it easier for me to pursue my dreams. Dont limit your plans and dreams to this life. Remember life is just a stepping stone to eternity. Our life is our opportunity to prepare for eternity. We must consider the preparations we make now as preparations for eternity. God bless you as you dream and then make plans to pursue your dreams.

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12 Heartwarming Surprises Surprises can be really heartwarming and powerful tools to cheer someone up. I really enjoy surprising people and being surprised, and surprises are a big part of our family activities. The all time best surprise I have had was done by my wife. She gave me a surprise party for my 40th birthday. One of the things that made it a wonderful surprise was that just before she turned 38 we talked about surprise parties. She said she never wanted a surprise party and did not like them, so she did not want me to do something like that for her 40th birthday. I promised her I would not but said I loved surprise parties and would love to have one. Little did I think that within a year she would give me a surprise party for my 40th birthday. She did it! She did it with a very elaborate plan, great creativity and a bunch of help. I was completely and totally surprised. The biggest surprise of the party was that she got my oldest friend, Jim, to fly in from Houston for the party! She borrowed the money from her parents to finance the party so I would not know what she was doing, because I pay the bills in our house. She had a friend create a very nice invitation to a Home School group W.H.E.A.T. We Home Educate and Train that was having an open house on my birthday. There was only one hitch in her whole plan, and that was me. The night of my birthday I did not feel like going out and she had to convince me that I really wanted to. She came up with a plausible excuse and off we went. When we got there she had to come up with another excuse for me to go in first. Looking back it was a pretty lame excuse, but it worked well enough. I was so surprised that at first I was trying to figure out what my friends and family were doing at a home school group meeting? It turned out to be my favorite birthday party. It was such a big surprise it did not surprise just me, but also my kids were completely surprised. Jeremiah said, I was wondering if Uncle Ralph home schooled now? She managed to do it without them knowing about it either, so that they could not slip up and tell me about it. Surprises have the ability to change the very direction we are going. Look at this event that took place on the day Jesus rose from the dead. That same day two of Jesus followers were walking to the village of Emmaus, seven miles out of Jerusalem. As they walked along they were talking about everything that had happened. Suddenly, Jesus himself came along and joined them and began walking beside them. But they didnt know who he was, because God kept them from recognizing him. You seem to be in a deep discussion about something, he said. What are you so concerned about? Luke 24:13-17. After they told him what they were discussing Jesus explained to them all the Scriptures said about himself! The two stopped for the night and begged Jesus to join them. He agreed, As they sat down to eat, he took a small loaf of bread, asked Gods blessing on

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it, broke it, then gave it to them. Suddenly, their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. And at that moment He disappeared. They said to each other, Didnt our hearts feel strangely warm as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us? And within the hour they were on their way back to Jerusalem, where the eleven disciples and the other followers of Jesus were gathered. When they arrived, they were greeted with the report, The Lord has really risen! He appeared to Peter! Luke 24:30-33. The surprise was so powerful that it changed the direction they were going. I am sure the last thing they expected was for Jesus to talk to them after His death and burial. He was so unexpected that even though they were his disciples they did not even recognize him. The Bible doesnt even refer to them not recognizing his appearance, but later when he identifies himself to Thomas he is very recognizable to him. Remember, they were leaving Jerusalem, but when God revealed Jesus to them they went right back where they had just left. Jesus was alive, he had taken the time to talk to them, and he disappeared. Jesus did it all in one afternoon. God has an amazing ability to surprise us by doing the impossible. The Bible is full of impossible things that are made possible because of God. It is remarkable that we can always be so surprised by an omnipotent God doing things that are impossible to us. It is so easy to lose focus on God and be distracted by our own impossible circumstances that we are surprised when God intervenes on our behalf. God delights in doing the impossible and surprising us when he does it. His surprises always bring our attention back on Him. He uses them to get our attention and to keep our attention on him. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called, Surprised by Joy, which captures the power of God and the feelings they create in us for him. When God parted the Red Sea for the Israelites they joyfully sang his praises on the far side of the Red Sea. Surprises are powerful, but what are the benefits of using surprises in our family? I have found that surprises do a variety of things that really keep our family relationships fresh strong and growing: Surprises warm our hearts! Surprises inspire us. Surprises create a sense of wonder. Surprises keep our relationships fresh. Surprises are an indication that we are thinking of the surprisee! Surprises build our relationships stronger by creating good memories. Surprises help us strengthen our attitude towards our family, because we choose to do something for them! Who would not want all these benefits? It is simply amazing what a surprise can do for everyone involved in the surprise. When the Israelites crossed the Red Sea on dry ground and the Egyptians were drowned they were inspired and sang a new song praising God. What made the two men on the Emmaus road return to Jerusalem they were inspired by Jesus appearance to them.

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If God hadnt done enough awe inspiring things for Israel in Egypt he certainly had created a sense of wonder at the Red Sea. The Israelites had gone from hopeless to joyful overnight. At my surprise birthday I was in a state of wonder that lasted a month. Even now as I look back on it; the thoughts warm my heart and I am awed by my wifes creativity and effort. Surprises are great for our relationships with our spouse and children. When we are planning a surprise we are focusing our efforts on the person we want to surprise. The effort is not lost on the person who is surprised. I know when I am planning a surprise for my family that I dont think just about what I am thinking of doing, but it warms my heart as I think of all the good things about my family. Surprising my family helps me remember why they are so wonderful! Surprises create a sense of anticipation in our relationships. People get bored or tired of the same old routine. A routine relationship can lose its spark, because there is no new energy being invested in the relationship. A surprise is the spark that creates excitement about our relationship again. Surprises bring a fresh attitude and joy to a relationship. Surprises can do this because they create a change in us. Surprises are a choice that we make to do. The surprise gives us a sense of giving to and building our relationship. They cause us to think about, and plan to do something nice for someone we care about. Surprises do work as much on the heart and attitude of the person planning the surprise as they do on the person being surprised. One fond memory our family has is of the time my wife and I surprised our kids by taking them out for ice cream after they were in bed. We went through the whole bed time routine and left their rooms and waited about 10 or 15 minutes before we kidnapped them and went to Baskin and Robbins for ice cream with them in their pajamas. It was a fun surprise for the whole family and the cold ice cream on a hot summer night was heartwarming! It is interesting that we have tried to duplicate this surprise a couple of times, but it has never quite worked out. We have found surprises are better if they are original creative ideas instead of a repeat of a previous surprise. Surprises dont have to be big or expensive to be good. Bringing home flowers, or dessert or dinner can be just as good. It is also a nice surprise to send mail to people in our families. Letters are always great to receive and indicate time and effort as well as the thoughts expressed. I like letters better than e-mail. Letters seem more personal to me. Surprises are a powerful tool for us as we build our family relationships. They provide benefits to both the surprisor and the surprisee. Surprises indicate a level of thought and interest that is refreshing and invigorating to a relationship. Surprises are an

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opportunity for us to express our feelings in a tangible and unexpected way. Surprises are an opportunity to plan for and spend time with our family. God is a God of surprises. Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. Ephesians 3:30. God always seems able go beyond what our wildest imaginations are. Now heres one last surprise for you. This chapter is shorter than all the others so that you can take an extra couple minutes to surprise your spouse tonight.

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13 Our Family Fun-dation! Successful families seem to have some kind of activity that binds the family together. Some families enjoy ski trips, or camping, or going to the beach, or amusement parks, or hiking, or biking, or movies, something that they do together on a regular basis to keep connected. Many of the things listed above can be very expensive, and also dont provide the opportunity to converse as much. Our family has found a fun activity that we do almost daily that can be fun, relaxing, create conversation and keep us connected. The thing we enjoy doing and that keeps our schedule very regular is family reading time. Our children are all growing up way to fast! It seems like such a short time ago Wendy and I were reading to each of our children even before they were born. We have been reading to all of our children ever since. Sometimes at night it is nice to settle down as a family and read a good book together. The stories always exercise our imaginations, educate us, and generate some great conversations. Wendy and I have always believed in the value of reading with our kids. When Jonathan was very young, and before his brother and sister were born he would pick the books he wanted read to him at bed time. One of his favorites was Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel. We probably read it every other night for over a year. As we read it he would sit in our lap and study the pictures and we would talk about them. I thought he liked Mike Mulligan because it was the longest story on his bookshelf. One night before Jonathan was three years old he said that he wanted to read us a bedtime story. We said okay and he picked Mike Mulligan. To my amazement he read us the story word perfect! He had memorized the words with each set of pictures and as far as I can remember he did not miss one word on any of the pages. It is the most memorable story I have ever had read to me. From those stories he has gone on to be a voracious reader. He has spent the last year and is still reading the complete works of Plato for fun. His ability to remember each book he reads and apply the lessons in them is phenomenal. Reading has benefited all of our children and us greatly. Reading is so important that God wrote His-story for us in the Bible so that we can read it anytime we want. Wycliffe Bible Translators believes being able to read the Bible is so important that their entire ministry is committed to translating the Bible into every people-groups language. If a community they enter doesnt have a written language their missionary will take the time to learn their language and then working with the native people will create an alphabet and a written code for the people. The first book they put into a communitys language is the Bible. The work of Wycliffe is phenomenal and emphasizes the importance and value of being able to read. God felt

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that His written words were so important that each king was supposed to take the time to write out the Bible in their own hand. When he sits on the throne as king, he must copy these laws on a scroll for himself in the presence of the Levitical priests. He must always keep this copy of the law with him and read it daily as long as he lives. That way he will learn to fear the Lord his God by obeying all the terms of this law. Deuteronomy 17:18. The Psalmist devoted 176 verses to the value of Gods word in Psalm 119. Almost every verse for 176 verses refers to Gods word, its purpose, and its value. Here are some of them: Happy are people of integrity, who follow the law of the Lord. verse 1. How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word and following its rules. verse 9. Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your law. verse 18. Lord, you are mine! I promise to obey your words. verse 57. Your law is more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver! verse 72. Your decrees are wonderful. No wonder I obey them! verse 129. Let my tongue sing about your word, for all your commands are right. verse 172. I have wandered away like a lost sheep; come and find me, for I have not forgotten your commands. verse 176. The Bible is for reading, understanding, treasuring and applying to our lives. We have a rule in our house that the kids can not use electronic devices until they have read the Bible for 20 minutes. It has been a good incentive for them to read the Bible every day. If it was important for kings to read it daily, it is definitely important for us and our children. If our children are caught using electronics they have to turn it off and do their reading at that moment. They may also lose the privilege for the day or more. As a family we try to read at least a chapter of the Bible each night as part of the bedtime routine. That habit, has not always been consistent, but it is a foundation of our reading. The Bible is not the only book we read. We have read a hundred or more books and stories, some of them more than once if we like them. One of the first series of books that Wendy started reading with the kids as part of their home schooling is The Chronicles of Narnia. She started with Jonathan while Jeremiah was taking his nap. They liked the stories so much that they would try to continue reading them after he woke up. Since they were so popular we read them again after Christy was 5 as a family for bedtime reading. They are great stories that create pictures for young children to better understand the Bible. They are full of imagination and spark our imaginations. We have read many other books also. At one point Wendy and Christy were reading a story on their own, so I started reading the Frank Peretti books to the boys. They are very exciting stories that include both the physical and the spiritual world. Since I had already read them I would often stop at the most exciting place I could find. This would create

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pleading by the kids for more reading. Sometimes I would sometimes I would not, but each time it was a time of fun and laughter. As we prepare to adopt a baby from China we have turned to reading books together about south east Asia and the people there. Another thing my family likes to do is make fun of me when I read the story. I always seem to get involved in the story and end up crying at some point. Uncle Toms Cabin was the worst for this. At one point I could not finish a page without crying two or three times. It was awful. I would try not to cry, but could not hold the tears in. It is one of the most powerful books I have ever read, and it was the first time I read it. In America, reading is or should be one of the first things we teach our kids. It is very difficult for people who are illiterate to be able to pursue the American dream. The first year we home schooled Jonathan my wife took the whole year basically reading to him and teaching him to read. One day in April after tax season I was home and really sick. She came upstairs to tell me Jonathan was going to read his first story and I should come down and listen. I said I could not and she left. A few minutes later she came back up and said I had to come down. I was so glad she did. It was amazing to see Jonathan read his first book. I was so sick, but felt so good that I almost did not feel sick while he was reading. Later I had the opportunity to watch Jeremiah and Christy read for the first time. I am looking forward to the day when our new daughter Grace reads her first story to us. It is one of those moments you dont want to miss as your children grow up. There are so many benefits to reading that it is hard to list them all. One of the most surprising I discovered was when our kids would read aloud to the family. Sometimes they would come to a word and could not pronounce it. By hearing them say it we could correct their pronunciation. This has been very helpful for all of our kids, particularly using the Bible which has plenty of difficult words to pronounce. This was an interesting benefit, but not the most important. Reading stories is a very basic form of communication. By reading the story we are communicating ideals that are important to us. They also give us a forum to talk about ideals that come up in the course of a book. Reading takes time and it is time well invested together, with our family, focusing on the story and each other. It has been a wonderful experience for our family that has really made our family fundation much stronger. While we may not be able to communicate certain values well, reading a book like Uncle Toms Cabin has given us the opportunity to discuss very important values. Kids love to ask the question why and stories like Uncle Toms Cabin, or Mutiny on the Bounty, or Pilgrims Progress are full of opportunities to pause in the middle of the story and talk about important ideals. Since the kids ask the questions during the story it is a great opportunity to explain and then ask them questions about how they understand what we are trying to say.

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The value of spending that time together is irreplaceable. Each time it strengthens the foundation of our family. Reading provides a commonality of understanding among us. I believe it also helps our kids to understand us better since we pick most of the stories that are read. It also encourages them to read on their own. Sometimes we will read a book on a long trip. Wendy was very good about doing this while we would be driving from Virginia to New York for Christmas. It was amazing how much quicker the time would go. No one would want to stop, because we all wanted to hear what was going to happen next. When she needed a break from reading I would often tell car stories. These were mainly stories from my childhood sharing with them about different people I had known and things that I had done. If I could not think of a story that I wanted to tell them about me I would make up stories as I drove along. These made up stories became very popular, but I would eventually run out of ideals. This tradition has also fallen on hard times; now we watch movies or listen to CDs. Wendy and Christy particularly enjoy story CDs as they are driving around Richmond. I sometimes will get tapes for my car for the boys when we drive up to Northern Virginia from Richmond for my work. Reading has played a major role in creating a solid foundation for us as a family. It has been a great activity for us to take time together and to talk about grand ideals and important values. God believed so much in the written word that he wanted the kings of Israel to write out His words as part of their responsibilities. Reading is one of the most basic forms of communication available to us. Reading has allowed people to record and pass knowledge that would otherwise be lost. Reading with our family gives us the opportunity to share great ideals and values. Written words allow us to see and understand what other people have thought. Words are so important that, In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God! John 1:1. Jesus Christ is referred to as the word of God. Words and communication are basic to Gods nature and ours. It is through words that we build relationships. Taking time to read together as a family is of immense value. Taking the time to discuss what you read allows for the free exchange of ideals. It also allows us and our children the opportunity to ask each other questions. By carefully selecting what you read you can pass on great values and have important discussions around a book. Having our children read to us helps them to improve their reading comprehension and enunciation. Reading the Bible gives us greater knowledge of God and allows us to discuss who God is with our children. Taking the time to explain what the Bible means and allowing our family to ask us questions will open their hearts to God. The Bible is designed for children to learn about God from it. The stories in the Old Testament such as Sampson, or Moses, or Daniel will inspire our kids and us about the power of God. Reading will open up new horizons and adventures for your family so why not pick a good book and start a reading program with your family tonight?

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14 Personal Conversation The average parents spend less than 20 minutes a week in serious conversation with their children. If you take the mother out of the question the time is measured in seconds. I was surprised and saddened by that statistic. I often wonder who they survey for these questions and if the respondents even have children. I could not imagine talking to my kids for less than 20 minutes a day let alone less than 20 minutes a week. For example, earlier this year we did something different for our family time on Sunday. Each parent spent 1 hour with each child on Sunday afternoon. After 3 hours we had each spent 1 hour focusing on each of our children. It was our most memorable family time of 2006. Wendy and I did what the kids wanted to do. Jeremiah and I went fishing, while Wendy and Jeremiah played video games. Jonathan and Wendy cooked and talked and Jonathan and I played cards and talked. Christy and I went for a walk and played at the playground, while Christy and Wendy cooked and talked. After it was done we all watched a movie together and had a very enjoyable evening. The best thing was that each parent had a chance to talk and be with each child for an hour without interruptions! It was good that we were doing something that the kids wanted to do, but we were also able to have serious conversations. Christy is ten and we had our first real conversation about love, marriage and how a boy should treat her when they go out together. She has already been thinking about this and had some real good insights into how she is expecting a guy to treat her. We also talked about what love is. It was a wonderful conversation and the hour was gone before we knew it. Personal conversations are the beginning of any relationship. How can you get to know someone if you dont talk to them? For example, have you ever been lost and needed directions? You try to get someones attention so they can help you find your way to where you want to go. After they come over to you, you dont walk away and try to find someone else, but you speak to them. God is the same way with us. For example, God wanted to speak to Moses so, Suddenly, the angel of the Lord appeared to him as a blazing fire in a bush. Moses was amazed because the bush was engulfed in flames, but it didnt burn up. Amazing! Moses said to himself. Why isnt that bush burning up? I must go over to see this. When the Lord saw that he had caught Moses attention, God called to him from the bush, Moses! Moses! God got Moses attention and when Moses came over to see what was happening God did not put the bush out, but spoke to Moses. God was not asking Moses for directions, but he was starting a relationship, and that relationship started with a conversation. This was not just any relationship, but a 40 plus year friendship. The whole book of Exodus is filled with the phrases, Then the Lord said

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to Moses and Moses called out to God. They were always in conversation, Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. Exodus 33:11a. Moses and God had regular conversations. Because of their relationship, when Moses authority was challenged it was God who defended him, And the Lord said to them (Aaron & Miriam, Moses brother and sister), Now listen to me! Even with prophets, I the Lord communicate by visions and dreams. But that is not how I communicate with my servant Moses. He is entrusted with my entire house. I speak to him face to face, directly and not in riddles! He sees the Lord as he is. Should you not be afraid to criticize him? Number 12:6-8. And it all started with a personal conversation between God and Moses at the burning bush. My relationship with my wife started with a conversation over lunch. We ended up sitting next to each other for a young adult luncheon at our church and had a really good conversation. That conversation led to the desire to have another conversation. We enjoyed the next conversation so much that our relationship blossomed into dating, and marriage. It all started with personal conversations. Conversations are the foundation of every lasting relationship. However, conversations take time. With our families there are plenty of opportunities to have a conversation with each person in our family, but will we take the time it requires? Even brief conversations keep the lines of communication open. Look at all these opportunities to have a conversation in a normal day: When you wake up in the morning with your spouse. At breakfast before you go to work. As you are getting dressed in the morning. When you take the pets for a morning walk. When you wake the children up to get ready to go to school. As you are preparing to leave for work. Walking the children to the bus stop. Driving one or more of the kids to school or some activity. Before or after a team practice. At lunch. At dinner. Instead of watching TV. As you take the dogs for a walk in the evening. When you are getting ready for bed. As you say goodnight to each of your children. As you and your spouse settle in to bed at night. Anytime you pick up the phone and call! Days are meant for conversation with people and with God. Taking the time to converse when things are normal or going well will give our family members the comfort to talk to us when problems arise. It will also give us, as parents, the freedom to talk to our children when we notice a problem they might be struggling with.

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It is amazing how powerful conversations are; yet how little time we take to have them. Remember, according to the survey, the average time children spend talking to their parents is less than 20 minutes a week. Even more incredibly, for us who are fathers the time is measured in seconds per week! It is no wonder our kids, and maybe our spouses are influenced more by their peers than their parents, or us husbands. This seems to be a nationwide failure to invest our most valuable asset in personal conversations with our most precious gift our family. In our family, we home school our children so our kids dont have as much time to converse with their peers as most kids do. However, if your kids do go to school look at all the time they have to talk to each other. Kids can talk on the bus to and from school, walking to classes, between classes at lunch and even during classes. This is how I was with my friends in school. These conversations do form the basis for them going to their friends when they have a problem instead of to their parents. They know their friend will listen, because they have been talking to them every school day. Do they know we will listen? Not if we spend less than 20 minutes a week talking to them! When I was a child I spent enough time with my parents outside of school that I could still go to them. I started smoking in junior high school. I did not tell my parents immediately, but I did tell them within three months of when I started, because I had spent enough time with them that I knew I could talk to them about it. A great place for conversations is in the car. I spend plenty of time driving places. Most of the time I am in the car by myself and I have become a talk radio junkie. I have certain programs at certain times that I listen to and I dont like to be interrupted. Once a week my son Jonathan goes to work with me. We have a two hour drive each way. That is 4 hours of time where we are trapped together in a little box. These are great times for conversation that I often let get away, just because I want to listen to the radio. The radio is not a bad thing, but it can distract me from taking the time to build our relationship up, and find out what he is thinking. Last year we used the time to do apologetics preparation for debate. We had some wonderful conversations about God as we discussed the different apologetics questions that he could possibly have to discuss at a tournament. This year we are using the time to study history to help him be better prepared for the SAT II test. Just because we start discussing these things doesnt mean our conversation is limited to them. We often get sidetracked into other topics, which is okay. Our relationship is growing better because of this time. All it takes is turning the radio off and tuning into my son! I still struggle to turn the radio off when we are in the car together, but it is always a good thing when I do. Taking the opportunities to have conversations is a discipline that all of us need to work on all the time. This means we need to turn off whatever the distractions in our life may be and give our attention to our relationships with our spouse and children. I know this is difficult for me, because I am so accustomed to being alone, and have certain things I enjoy doing that take my time away from my family. However, I

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know, it is a choice that I must make for the benefit of my wife and children, as well as for me. Conversations are great for developing relationships, but they take time and effort. Another problem with conversations is we do not know where they might lead to and how long they might take. This can be a great excuse to avoid a conversation if we believe we are too busy to have the time necessary for conversations to end at their own time. Dennis Rainey of the Family Life radio program said that their family always found the best time for conversation was at bedtime. They would frequently find themselves discussing things that would take longer than they had planned, but Dennis and Barbara were willing to spend the time when their kids were willing to talk. That is a family attitude investing the treasure of our time in the most important relationships. One area where I have not been as good at this as I should be is with my wife. We generally go to bed at the same time. After we are in bed and the lights are out she often feels like it is a good time to talk. Were alone, the kids wont disturb us, Im not going anywhere and she has things she wants to talk about. I am generally more than ready to go to sleep when my head hits the pillow, and am not ready to talk. I need to take the time to talk with her while we are in bed before we go to sleep. This is one easy way for me to continue improving our relationship. Finally, we cant forget about God. We were created to be in conversation with Him from the beginning. Even today God is calling our name, __________, where are you? If only we would listen as he tries to get our attention. We, like Moses can, Come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it! Hebrews 4:16. Unlike people, God is always available to us for a conversation. God is waiting for us to speak with him, and even more importantly to talk to us about our most important needs. This means we need to be listening to him and seeking his advice. Not to choose what we want to listen to, but to find out what He wants us to do. As we honestly seek him, again with the right attitude, He will speak with us, and reveal himself and his power on our behalf. God did not abandon Moses when he was being criticized, but spoke out in his defense. Moses spent 40 years in close conversation with God. God wont abandon those he has a relationship with because, We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 We need to choose to invest our time in building our relationships with our spouse and children by having meaningful personal conversations with them regularly. We also need to take the time to talk to God and listen for his voice daily. As we take the time to converse with those we care most about and that care most about us we will be rewarded with deep meaningful relationships that will last a lifetime and through all eternity.

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15 An Ear To Hear! Conversations are where relationships are built. Actively listening is where conversations become real communication. A conversation is a dialogue between two or more people for the purpose of exchanging information, and understanding the other persons perspective and reasoning. As important as it is to have conversations, there is no real communication unless we hear and understand what the other person is saying. In our family my wife and I try to talk about every major decision we make, but I do not always hear her part of the conversation. What happens in those circumstances is her words go in one ear and out the other without making any impression on my predetermined decision. Because I do not always listen to her carefully I have suffered many lessons from the school of hard knocks! For example, I made a real bad decision against my wifes advice, because I did not listen to her concerns. In the early 1990s I wanted to get out of my job and get rich quick. I did not phrase it that way with my wife, but that was my thinking. I proposed taking our savings (all $5,000 of it) and investing in vending machines. I would service the vending machines and be making money even when I was not working. The vending business has always seemed like and still seems like a great idea to me, but my wife did not trust the people I was talking to. She told me I shouldnt do it, but I was persistent and she finally said, You do it if you really want to. I went ahead and sent our savings to the company and started making plans on where I could install these vending machines I had just bought. The next day when I called their phone number the line was disconnected and they were gone. I was the victim of a con! Our savings were gone and my dream had become our nightmare. Wendy has great thoughts and ideals, because she takes the time to think things through before she speaks. One day I heard a Focus on the Family program about home schooling and it sounded great so I suggested it to my wife. She was not impressed and I let it go, but she continued to think about it for two years. Out of the blue she resumed our conversation about home schooling, but she had carefully thought about it and had investigated the requirements. Only then did she decide that she wanted to give it a trial run during Jonathans kindergarten year. Her two years of deliberation has turned into an ongoing 12 year adventure. As men we dont only need to listen to our wives, but God also wants us to listen to Him. God used King Nebuchadnezzar to punish Israel. As a result he had taken captive a young Hebrew prince named Daniel. After conferring with all the young men from the kingdoms he had conquered he preferred Daniel above the all the others, and made him one of his court advisors. Later Nebuchadnezzar had a dream and it was Daniel who explained the dream to King Nebuchadnezzar. This is what the dream means, Your Majesty, and what the Most High

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has declared will happen to you. You will be driven from human society, and you will live in the fields with the wild animals. You will eat grass like a cow, and you will be drenched with the dew of heaven. Seven periods of time will pass while you live this way, until you learn that the Most High rules over the kingdoms of the world and gives them to anyone he chooses. But the stump and the roots were left in the ground. This means that you will receive your kingdom back again when you have learned that heaven rules. O King Nebuchadnezzar, please listen to me. Stop sinning and do what is right. Break from your wicked past by being merciful to the poor. Perhaps then you will continue to prosper. But all these things did happen to King Nebuchadnezzar. Twelve months later, he was taking a walk on the flat roof of the royal palace in Babylon. As he looked out across the city, he said, Just look at this great city of Babylon! I, by my own mighty power, have built this beautiful city as my royal residence and as an expression of my royal splendor. While he was still speaking these words, a voice called down from heaven, O King Nebuchadnezzar, this message is for you! You are no longer ruler of this kingdom! Daniel 4:24-31. God showed Nebuchadnezzar what was going to happen. Daniel gave the king good advice on how to avoid what God had shown him, but the King did not listen to God or Daniel and ended up in the school of hard knocks! This meant seven years of insanity and living outdoors eating grass and living alone. He was too caught up in himself and boasted out loud of his greatness. God heard what Nebuchadnezzar had to say, and then he got the kings attention by fulfilling the dream he had given him. God was listening! Just as God alerted Nebuchadnezzar that he was making bad choices he is trying to alert us also. Sometimes, he uses our spouse, or our circumstances, or our conscience, but constantly God is communicating with us about things we need to be aware of. All too often we dont hear, or wont listen and like Nebuchadnezzar have to learn the lesson at the school of hard knocks. Gods advice is, My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19. We should listen first and then once we have a clear understanding of what the other person is trying to tell us we can speak. Listening is so important that, Each person is given two ears, but only one mouth! Does that mean listening is twice as important or twice as valuable as listening? Probably even more important than that! Even fools are thought to be wise when they keep silent; when they keep their mouths shut, they seem intelligent! Proverbs 17:28. Just as we can end up learning lessons the hard way when we dont listen, we can also make right choices when we do listen. For example, I really wanted to move to a bigger house and thought we could afford it. My wife listened to me and said, If we can pay twice the mortgage on this house for a year then we can move. I agreed and during the year that we were paying double the mortgage we started looking.

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We had been looking at houses about 40 miles from where I worked when she suggested we talk to a real estate agent a friend had recommended. My wifes concern was that I would be driving too far to get to work each day. I heard that concern, thought about the drive from the house and neighborhood we had looked at and liked and again I agreed with her. We talked to this agent, and she took us to one neighborhood about 20 miles closer than where we had been looking. It was for a house at almost the same price as the one we were ready to buy that was much further away. We bought the closer house and saved me hundreds of hours of drive time at no cost. God will go to great lengths to get us to listen. He can also be very creative in who he uses to speak for him. One time God used a donkey to make a fool out of a prophet named Balaam. The donkey tried to save Balaam three times and each time Balaam beat the donkey until finally God gave the donkey a voice! Without batting an eye Balaam started arguing with the donkey. He was so angry he still wanted to kill the donkey, until God cleared his anger and allowed him to see what the donkey saw. As good as the advice of our spouses and even God speaking to us supernaturally are, there is no substitute for hearing Gods advice from his word. It is full of good instructions and great ideals to live a joyful, hopeful, fulfilling life. I believe it is even better if we will listen to the simple instructions laid out in the Bible, than if God were to speak to us supernaturally. Jesus said, You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who havent seen me and believe anyway! John 20:29. There are more people that dont believe in God than do, but even people who dont believe in God, and listen to and practice the things God says in the Bible will be more successful and live a more fulfilling life than those who dont hear or wont listen to God and his word completely. Ultimately, the real test of hearing God is taking action based on what we hear. People who enter the ministry are said to be following their calling. Ministers are said to have heard the call. God wanted them to be pastors and teachers and he got their attention and they heard his call and listened. Each of us has a professional calling. Someplace where God can use us most effectively to speak his message so that others can hear Gods voice! God is also calling us to be faithful to our families. An Elder in the church should, Be faithful to his wife! I Timothy 3:2 and, He must manage his own family well, with children who respect and obey him. For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of Gods church? I Timothy 3:4-5. While we have a professional calling our first calling is to our family. God wants people who are faithful to their families to be the ones overseeing the church. Gods word is very clear about his concern for our families. He designed the family and we need to be faithful to his call. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. James 1:22

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We also need to be listening to our children. As we converse with our children and listen to what they are telling us and how they are saying it we can become aware of trouble before it becomes a real problem. My father did that with me when I was a teenager. He could tell his fights with my mom were bothering me, and he asked me if they did without my having to ask him. When I said they did he explained why they fought and said they were not going to separate. He answered my unspoken question, by hearing what I was saying. Children have an implicit trust of their parents. If we treat them properly and love them as we should they will tell us what they need and what their problems and concerns are if we are willing to listen to them. When Christy called me while I was at the church membership class I not only heard the words she said, but the tone of her voice. I listened and knew I needed to go home and see her. Listening requires more than just hearing what someone is saying. It is focusing our attention on the speaker and paying attention to how they say what they say as well as hearing what they say. I listened to my daughter and heard her need. Nebuchadnezzar heard Daniels advice, but he did not listen to it. Sometimes I listen to my wifes advice and sometimes I dont. It is almost always better when I do listen to my wife. God had told Balaam not to go with the people who had invited him, but Balaam wanted to go and would not listen. Finally, God said go ahead and go if you want to. It was eerily similar to what my wife said to me when I made that big mistake. God was really furious with Balaam for asking the same question so many times, but Balaam did not hear how God gave him permission. There is no better listener than God. In the Old Testament we read of God hearing Israels cries for help. He heard Nebuchadnezzars boast and fulfilled the dream. Jesus often heard what His disciples were talking about when they did not think he was listening or could not hear. God is an active listener and wants to hear from us. We need to learn from Gods example. Being a good listener will help us to respond better and more thoughtfully. Listening is a great skill to have and practice. Listening requires us to focus our attention on the other person and what they are saying as well as how they are saying it. We must make sure what someone is saying before we try to respond. Even fools seem wise when they are silent. There are many people we need to listen to including God, our spouse, and our children. If we take the time to really listen to the other person, before we respond or take action we can go a long way to avoid learning lessons in the school of hard knocks. Take some time today and really listen to your family; they will notice the attention you give them!

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16 Lead by Example This was a hard chapter for me to think of an example for. Lacking a good concept to write about leading by example, I asked my wife. She completely surprised me with her answer. She said that my daily routine is an example for her and the kids about living. Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example! Philippians 3:17. Lessons learned by our kids watching us are the lessons that will last. Jonathan pointed out a very practical example of where I am leading by example. I have tried to teach various courses for the kids at home, but have never been very successful and have not made it through even one month. This changed last year after we moved to Richmond. Jonathan no longer had a physical activity, because he was not rock climbing any more. Therefore, I started dragging him to the health club with me to work out. I jokingly referred to myself as his gym teacher, but it has become true. He would not be getting the exercise including weight lifting that he is doing regularly now. Jesus lived an exemplary life, and then willingly offered himself as the perfect sacrifice. He laid down his life for his friends! Jesus life and teachings were lessons and examples for his disciples and us. For example, Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples feet and to wipe them with the towel he had around him. John 13:3-5. The contrast in these verses is very stark. Jesus had authority over everything and could have asked any of his disciples to do this very menial task of washing everyones feet. However, instead of asking someone else to he assumed the responsibility himself. After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, Do you understand what I was doing? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right because it is true. And since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each others feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. John 13:12-15. Christianity is a process of being conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. Therefore, there are others who have been following the example set by Christ longer than we have. It can be very beneficial if we find someone we respect and follow them as they follow Christ. This is what I did with my friend Dave. I wanted to be like him and patterned my behavior after his. What I saw him doing I wanted to do! This included everything from reading the Bible to memorizing verses, and from praying before meals to playing soccer with a great attitude. As we follow Christ our lives will be transformed and it will draw others to Christ. And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself. John 12:32. Jesus Christ is lifted up when we live in a way that we, Let our light so shine before men that they may see our good works and give glory to our Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16.

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There is no where better for us to be the example than in our family. As adults we are responsible for the primary example our spouse and children will see. It would be great if our kids would, Do as I say, not as I do, but all too often it is more likely to be, Monkey see, Monkey do! I remember one time I lectured Jonathan about something he had done that bothered me. It was not necessarily wrong, but I did not want him doing that particular thing. Within an hour of my lecture Jonathan was giving the exact same lecture to Jeremiah that I had just given him. His demonstration of my example was exact down to tone of voice and hand gestures! Our children receive impressions of how to live from our behavior. They are sponges absorbing what they see us doing and imitating those actions. I am reminded again of what the boy in the Cats in the Cradle said, Im gonna be like him, yeah you know Im gonna to be like him. The truth is that for better or for worse our wife and children are watching us. If only one spouse works the family at home is very dependent on that person, so they need to know what kind of person we are. Our families are not the only ones watching us, but everyone we come into contact is watching us. How we behave is a reflection of our inner character. Do we behave decently and kindly with respect for each person we meet? What people see is generally a reflection of what we are on the inside. A good person produces good deeds from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil deeds from an evil heart. Matthew 7:17. Whatever is in our heart determines what we say. This is another illustration of how important and why our inner attitude is so important. It is what we are on the inside that determines how we will behave. When we choose God we give him permission to, take away their hearts of stone and give them tender hearts instead! Ezekiel 11:19b. Not only are our families watching us, and the people who have contact with us, but even those who have followed Christ before us are watching us! Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from start to finish. Hebrews 12:1-3. Our focus, our heart, and our attitude need to be on Christ, in Christ and for Christ, so that we can be the example that our families need. God has set the race before us, so he is completely aware of the course we are to run, and the obstacles we will encounter. Because God is completely aware of what we will face; He knows what we need and we can rely on God to provide exactly the strength and the resources to run that race in a way that brings glory to him. It is important that we realize how great a cloud of witnesses are watching us. In some ways it is like the movie the Truman Show with Jim Carey. He spends most of his life as a TV show and doesnt realize that everyone is watching him. So it is with us; all too often we dont see who is watching us and we behave or act in a manner that is not good.

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I remember one time I was driving down the road and I got really mad at the driver in front of me. I was visibly angry and the kids in the back seat of the other car saw me. When I finally passed this driver I realized we knew each other, and I became known as that angry driver! People are watching us all the time and may pop up at the most inconvenient time for us, like when we are having an argument with our spouse. How many times have our leaders been caught in a lie because they were trying to hide something they did, but shouldnt have done? I think that our political leaders today try to be everything to everyone instead of being who they are and admitting when they make mistakes. Pretending to be something we are not and trying to keep a clean image may mask our faults for a while, but with so many witnesses to everything we do it is hard to keep the truth a secret for long. The more successful we are the more people there will be who are watching us and for some reason may unmask us! So how can we be good examples and leaders in our family? I have reduced my thoughts to five Gs for being an example. Goal The first thing we need to do is keep our focus on the goal. For me that goal is to live a life that is pleasing to Jesus Christ. A major part of that goal is to raise a family of good character and values. Some would say that the end justifies the means, but to me the means is the end. What type of person we become is vastly more important than how successful we become. The way we live is vastly more important than what we might ever hope to accomplish or achieve. Jesus Christ is such a great role model because of the character he exhibited. He was everything I would like to be loving, kind, respectful, caring, strong, at peace, patient, hopeful, submissive, authoritative, thoughtful, faithful and obedient. Gallery of Observers Remember who is watching us. God is watching us. Our families are watching us. Those we interact with each day are watching us. Even those we pass by are watching us. And yes there is an unseen throng in the spiritual world that is very interested in each of our lives. Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Colossians 3:23. We never know who might be watching us, but we do know that God is watching, so we need to do everything with the right attitude and to the best of our ability! Genuine We need to be ourselves. It is much easier to keep our focus on our goal and do everything with the right attitude knowing that we are being watched if we are willing to be genuine. It is when we try to be something or someone that we are not that we get into the most trouble. As Gods messenger, I give each of you this warning: Be honest in your estimate of yourselves. Romans 12:3a. Knowing who we are will help us be real.

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Gods Direction Let God direct our day. God has prepared the course of our life for us, and he has prepared good works for us to do. Most of Jesus miracles were performed when he was interrupted! Not only that, but he knows the plans he has for us to give us a future and a hope and he is able to work all things together for our good. That is a mouthful, but if we see all our circumstances as God directed we can go through them looking for the opportunities God has set before us to do good for others, and let our light shine. God wants to surprise us and give our faith opportunities to grow. With the right attitude we wont become upset with interruptions, but will see them as opportunities placed in our path by God. Grace As we go through the day with our goal in mind, while a gallery of observers see us being genuine people and open to Gods direction we need to act with grace towards others. Remember that J.O.Y. is Jesus, Others Yourself. And the word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father. And from his fullness have we all received, grace upon grace. John 1:14,16. Jesus lived a life of grace to all he came into contact with. Grace exemplified his life and Gods purpose in sending Jesus was to extend grace to every person alive. As we go through the day we can be agents of grace for Jesus Christ as we extend His grace to each person we interact with. If we have a goal, and realize that we are being watched, as we live a life of integrity, following Gods direction and being a fountain of grace to others we will set an example for our family that will be a blessing to them and allow them to be a blessing to others. We can be the example our families need it all starts with our attitude and the knowledge that God is directing our steps. We can be vessels of grace regardless of our circumstances and shining examples for our families. And one day we will hear God say, Well Done!

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17 The Joy of Serving! Opportunities to serve come at the most unexpected times. We were on our flight back from London to Toronto as we returned from our European vacation. Christy is very social and was tired of sitting in her seat so she got up to walk around. A little while later as I was sitting in my seat, I happened to look up as the beverage cart was approaching. The person who asked me what I would like was my own daughter. One of the stewardesses had asked her if she would like to help them serve the drinks and she had immediately agreed. She did a great job helping everyone she was supposed to with a beautiful smile and a cheerful attitude. She was thrilled to be serving and having the time of her life. It is one of my favorite stories from our trip to Europe and it happened on the plane ride home! Jesus declared, For the Son of Man also came, not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many! Mark 10:45. At the Last Supper Jesus demonstrated his heart for service before the meal started. He had sent some of the disciples ahead to prepare the meal, but they had all neglected one custom washing peoples feet as they entered the house. Apparently there was not a servant available so they ignored the custom. Jesus noted the omission and, Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples feet and to wipe them with the towel he had around him. John 13:3-5. After this example of humble service I am sure that Jesus had their full attention. As he sat down again with them he continued, You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, because it is true. And since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each others feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. How true it is that a servant is not greater than the master. Nor are messengers more important than the one who sends them. You know these things now do them! That is the path of blessing. John 13:13-17. Another word for blessing is happiness. The blessing is in the service. J.O.Y. is in Jesus, Others and Yourself. Service is the quickest way to take our mind off of ourselves and put it on God and others. We attended a small church that met in the Boys and Girls Club. Every Sunday the church needed to be set up and taken down. Im a morning person and liked the work so I always tried to get there well before anyone else and do most or all of the set up before others started to arrive. I would make it a game with the boys, or just go early on my own. If they opened the Club early enough I could get it set up and be gone before anyone else arrived and go home and take my shower then.

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I found doing the set up of church gave me an inner joy as I sat there worshipping later in the morning. I was serving both God and those who came to church. I never considered setting up church as a chore or a burden. It was always an opportunity to serve others. The Pastor could use the extra time at home with his family or praying, or something. I used the time setting up to pray and think about the others in the church. When the service started my focus was normally on Jesus and others and not myself. I was blessed in the serving more than anyone I served, and the saying is true, It is better to give than receive. So much of what we do and how we feel comes from within us. For example, our family really enjoys celebrating birthdays. These are supposed to be really fun for the birthday person. However, I have watched our kids, and even myself, on our birthdays. It is interesting that on a day that we want others to serve us that the person who has the worst attitude is often the person whose birthday it is. I am sure this is because the birthday person is focusing on themselves first instead of Jesus and others. Because of these observations I have encouraged my kids to try and make the people at their birthday party feel special. I am thinking of making the first thing on a birthday day going out to volunteer to serve somewhere. This would be to help us get our thoughts off of ourselves and onto others. Jesus chose to come to earth in human form and as a servant. When we become Christians we choose to follow Jesus, and therefore we are willingly choosing to become servants. As Jesus pointed out above, the student is not above his teacher. The secret of being a good servant to others is in our attitude. Our attitude starts with doing everything heartily as unto the Lord. Have you ever had a server at a restaurant with a bad attitude? The servers attitude can affect your whole meal. It detracts from and spoils the enjoyment of the meal, but when you have an attentive, friendly, cheerful server even the food tastes better because of the atmosphere the server creates. Once again we are back to the importance of attitude. We can and will make a difference in other peoples lives just by being a willing cheerful servant. Dont be selfish; dont live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Dont think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others too, and what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a servant and appeared in human form. Philippians 2:3-7. The family is full of opportunities to serve and be a servant. When our children are babies all we can do is serve them. Most parents get enjoyment out of taking care of their young children and making sure they are comfortable and well taken care of. The smile on our

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babys face while we hold them, or feed them, or change their diapers is more than enough reward for the service we do. As parents we are joyful servants because we are unselfish, humble, think of the childs needs, denying our own rights and freedoms and give ourselves cheerfully to the task of taking care of them. Most parents probably do not even think of it as service, because of our love for the child. As our children grow up we need to teach them to look for opportunities to serve and to be helpful with a cheerful attitude. This is something I did not really do with my kids intentionally, but am going to try to do with our adopted daughter. My focus was always on getting them to do what they were asked to do, but I never really thought about their attitude as they did their chores. In Snow White and the Seven Dwarves the dwarves sing as they go off to work, Whistle While you Work, and let the inner attitude shine out. The Boy Scouts have a great system for encouraging kids to become service oriented. To advance in rank requires the scout to do several things. One of those things is to do a certain number of service hours. To achieve the rank of Eagle Scout a scout needs to organize and direct an Eagle Project. This project is normally a service for the benefit of an unrelated party at no cost to the beneficiary. In our Troop we also try to service projects where we go camping to thank them for giving us the opportunity to use their facilities. Another great way to get our families more service oriented is to volunteer. The purpose of serving as a volunteer is to be interested in others and what they are doing. Volunteering is a great way to be humble, thinking of others as better than ourselves. Volunteering gets us involved in the community and helping others. Volunteering is an opportunity for us to give of ourselves and to be Jesus to others. No act of service, however small, goes unnoticed by God! Come you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me. Matthew 25:35-36. When we do these very simple acts, the King will tell them, I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me! Matthew 25:40. It is amazing how powerful an affect serving can have on our attitude, and how powerful an affect our attitude can have on our service, and finally how powerful an affect our service can have on others. When the two are aligned it becomes a powerful source of joy for both the server and those being served. When the server understands he is serving God in his service he will receive Gods commendation for his service. When the people being served receive the help they need they will see a reason for hope and that God has not forgotten them in their time of need.

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Service is an outward expression of an inner attitude and humility. Service is anything we do to help our fellow men out in their time of need. Jesus assured us we would always have the poor with us, so there are always an abundance of opportunities to lend a helping hand. There are: people to feed, people that need a drink, people who need a place to stay, people who need clothing, people who are sick or alone, and people in prison. There is joy in serving, because serving gives us an opportunity to think of others more than ourselves. Serving helps us improve our own attitude because we are reaching out beyond ourselves. Serving gives us opportunities to share and give hope to those who need our help and need hope. Serving gives us an appreciation for all of Gods children. Serving gives us insight into Gods care for each person. Serving cheerfully changes lives! Have you served someone today?

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18 The Art of Discipline When I was 11 years old I had some friends in another neighborhood. My mom would drive me over there after school to play with them. It was a cool neighborhood because they lived close to a Seven Eleven so I could go and buy some candy while I was there. One day when I was over there we went to the Seven Eleven, but I did not have any money. I really wanted some candy so my friends encouraged me to steal the candy I wanted. I decided to go ahead and do it. As I was leaving the manager grabbed me from behind and pulled the candy out of my pocket. Then he called my parents to come and pick me up. It was my father who came to get me. My dad was really good at punishing me, and I was scared. I knew this time I had done something really wrong, and was dreading his punishment. We got home and he was very quiet. He told me to go to my room and think about what I had done. After an hour he came and talked to me. I missed dinner that night, but he never punished me. Whether it was intentional or not my Dad had used the art of discipline and it was the most effective discipline my dad ever did to me. I never really thought about the difference between discipline and punishment, but looking back I realized his discipline in this instance was very effective. And have you entirely forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his children? He said, My child, dont ignore it when the Lord disciplines you, and dont be discouraged when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as his children. As you endure this divine discipline remember that God is treating you as his own children. Whoever heard of a child who was never disciplined? If God doesnt discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children after all. Since we respect our earthly fathers who disciplined us should we not all the more cheerfully submit to the discipline of our heavenly Father and live forever? For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But Gods discipline is always right and good for us because it means we will share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. Hebrews 12:5-11. With my own children I realized I was not really disciplining them, but punishing them in my anger. This hit me when I was disciplining one of my kids for something they had done that got me upset. I saw myself in the mirror and my face was red from screaming at this child. I dont remember now what had been done, but I knew when I saw myself that what it was, was not as bad as what I was doing. I made a commitment to all of my kids that I would try to be better at disciplining and not punishing them.

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Sometimes we or our children need to be punished when we do something wrong. When I get pulled over for speeding I am punished for breaking the law. When I stole from the store I was punished for breaking the law. Punishment is good, but punishment is more of a penalty for doing something wrong. Discipline is so much more than punishment. In the passage from Hebrews quoted above, God uses the word discipline ten times, and the word punish only once. Our kids are learning to play the Violin and the flute. We are using the Suzuki method which is encouragement oriented. Under this method you need to tell your child ten positive things before you can make a criticism. When something is emphasized ten to one it is worth paying attention to! Discipline has an objective in mind training in right living. Discipline is a process leading to a result, but punishment is only the consequence for our own bad behavior. God disciplines us to bring about changes in our conduct from sinful behavior to holy living for eternity. Therefore, as we train up our children in the way they should go we need to have a plan for our discipline. We need to think about why we are disciplining them and how we can discipline them most effectively. Our why is our motivation for our discipline; is it to release our anger, or to help them live rightly. If we have the right motivation for discipline we will have the right attitude as we discipline. Discipline and instruction is for the benefit of our children, not to release our anger. Discipline is necessary because, kids will test the boundaries and rules that we set up for them. They want to know where the boundary is and if it is really an important rule. Therefore, it is important that we make sure they understand the rules and consequences and that we follow through with whatever punishment or discipline is necessary when they break the rules. Discipline is not just for our kids, but also for us! We also need discipline in our lives. A person without self-control (discipline) is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls. Discipline and self-control are important to our growth and development in right living. Often times when I am correcting my children I hear God disciplining me with my own words. This doesnt mean I should not discipline them, but that I can do better at what I am trying to train my children to do. We exercise discipline every day. It takes discipline to get up for work each day, and to go to bed early enough that we are not tired the next day. It takes discipline to go to the gym and work out. Discipline helps us overcome our feelings; there are many times when I dont feel like working out, but I make myself go. I am exercising discipline in my life. Discipline affects every area of our lives. However, there is no place where discipline is more necessary than in our private Christian life. When I became a Christian my friend Dave started discipling (training in disciplines) me. He was teaching me how to live

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rightly as a Christian, and how to continue my relationship with God after he was gone. God is real to me today, because Dave took the time to show me how to read the Bible and pray. He taught me the importance and value of going to church and sharing my faith. And he also showed me that everything needs to be kept in balance. The Navigators illustrate this balance with The Wheel illustration. Living a Christian life has four disciplines The word, prayer, witnessing and fellowship. These are like four spokes on a wheel. Christ is at the center of the wheel, and we are the tire at the end of the spokes. As long as we keep everything in balance the wheel will turn smoothly, but if one of the spokes is a different length than the others our ride will be bumpy and difficult. Discipline is choosing the right actions for the right reasons to achieve desired ends by exercising our will over our feelings. Discipline is also exercising self-control by saying no and resisting unhealthy desires. Self-control is the flip side of discipline. Self-control is the ability to eat enough, but not too much. Self-control is the ability to turn off the TV and read a book with the family or spend some time praying. Self-control is not buying something you want because you cant afford it. Self-control is our internal discipline of ourselves! Without discipline we are defenseless against outside pressures on our life. Without discipline and self-control we give up our ability to make our own choices, and give others power over us. Everything in life takes time to do properly and good discipline is no exception. Sometimes it may seem easier to punish our children by saying, Go to your room, and raising our voice at them. However, it is better, if more time consuming, to discuss what they did wrong, why it is a problem and what needs to be done to correct the problem. Jesus spent three years training the disciples. Often times he repeated the same lesson a second and third time. For example, one time Jesus miraculously fed over 5,000 people. The next time he asked the disciples how they could feed the large crowd gathered. They offered several options. One even pointed out how much it would cost to feed the people. Finally, he reminded them of the two times he had miraculously fed large crowds and used these examples to train them about faith. Later, after they crossed to the other side of the lake, the disciples discovered they had forgotten to bring any food. Watch out, Jesus warned them. Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees They decided he was saying this because they hadnt brought any bread. Matthew 16:5-7. Jesus was always trying to get the disciples to think spiritually, but they, like us, were limited in their understanding and had to have spiritual truths explained to them. They were worried about food, and Jesus was talking about bad teaching. Frequently we can learn spiritual truths from the physical realm. The disciples were worried about food. Jesus knew what they were thinking, so he said, You have so little faith! Why are you worried about having no food? Wont you ever understand? Dont you remember the five thousand I fed with five loaves, and the baskets

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of food that were left over? Dont you remember the four thousand I fed with seven loaves, with baskets of food left over? How could you even think I was talking about food? So again I say, Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees. Matthew 16:8-11. Jesus could almost sound exasperated here, but I think he was aware of what they were worried about and chose words that would have a stronger impact with the examples from the feeding. He warns them of the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees twice! Then at last they understood that we he was not speaking about yeast or bread but about the false teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees. Matthew 16:12. Teaching, training and discipline take time and making the most of every opportunity. Jesus never missed an opportunity to teach his disciples spiritual truths and discipline. With our family we need to take every opportunity also. Discipline is a process. You must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and when you are getting up again. Deuteronomy 6:6-7. The art of discipline is having an understanding of what our children need to learn to develop the character qualities we want them to have and designing a plan to build those qualities into them. Good discipline takes time and effort. It requires the repeating of lessons over and over so that they become second nature and habitual. Good discipline puts the emphasis on sound instruction and reinforcement of proper values. Disciplining ourselves and our children takes a wholehearted commitment. Good habits and attitudes take time and care to develop. Discipline and self-control are two sides of the same coin. If we take the time to properly discipline our children as they grow into adults we will reap, a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. Hebrews 12:11b. What character trait of right living do you want to build into your childs life, and how can you start building it into them today?

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19 You Deserve a Break McDonalds was right! Their advertising jingo used to be, You deserve a break today, so get up and get away! McDonalds is probably not the place we need to get away to, but they were right that we need breaks and we have to get away sometimes. While acknowledging Jesus and Others are more important than Yourself, we still need to think about our self. After all, if there is no me there is no me to think about others. Getting away or taking a break doesnt have to be alone, but it has to be outside of our normal routine. One of my favorite breaks from the routine is to go play a round of golf. Golf is too expensive for me to play regularly, so I am not very good at it, but I do enjoy playing five or six times a year. It is interesting that it always takes about four holes for me to stop being anxious about my score and just enjoy being out in a beautiful area chasing a little ball with a stick and trying to get it into that little cup. I did try at one point to get better at the game. I took lessons, played frequently and got angrier and angrier. That was when I decided that I was taking myself too seriously and would probably never improve significantly. After this epiphany I began to enjoy where I was and what I was doing and to really appreciate the break from the routine. Because I take time to play golf and enjoy where I am, I have seen some beautiful places and some wonderful sights going out on the golf course. I played at Torrey Pines in San Diego, and one of the tees is a shot down hill towards the Pacific with a grand view of the ocean before you. I played in Arizona at a beautiful course in a golf community. From one of the tees you could see the mountains in the background as you took your shot. My favorite local course has all kinds of wildlife roaming around on it. On one tee we saw five or six wild turkeys as we were getting ready to play the hole. Just being out on the course is a release from the stress of the routine and that is what I appreciate the most about golf these days. How many times a week do you think about how tired you are? I know this is an ongoing problem for me. When I was in college it was not this way, but as my responsibilities and family have grown it seems like the time it requires to meet all the demands multiplies, and the time available for rest is completely consumed. When I first became a Christian I found a verse in Psalms that I identified as my life verse. While I dont apply it as well today as I did in college it has stayed with me for over 25 years, and I now 25 years later I am applying this verse with the same zest I did in college. The verse says, It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest eating the bread of anxious toil, for He gives to His beloved SLEEP! Psalm 127:2. I would often quote this verse in college and then say, Im His beloved and I need some sleep! Another thing I have noticed as I read the Bible is that Jesus was never tired! How could the man who came to save the world not have been tired? How could he have not been too busy to sleep? I believe it is because He always had his priorities right. Jesus said,

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My witness is true, for I know where I came from and where I am going! John 8:14. He is probably the only one who could ever have truthfully uttered these words. He was never rushed and he was always in control of his circumstances. Even when he was interrupted he was in control. This is significant to me because, I think too often my circumstances are in control of me. However, Jesus, even in the midst of conflict and mobs of cheering or angry people was in control of what he wanted or needed to accomplish. God understands our need to take breaks and get away. Have you ever been so busy you feel like you had to stop what you were doing and disengage for a few minutes? God understands that feeling. Jesus was with his disciples after a busy time for them. The apostles returned to Jesus from their ministry tour and told him all they had done and what they had taught. Then Jesus said, lets get away from the crowds for a while and rest. There were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles did not even have time to eat! Mark 6:30-31. Jesus told His disciples earlier to, come away by yourselves and rest awhile. He was demonstrating practically to his disciples the need to do this. We also need to take time for ourselves. We cant let ourselves be overwhelmed by the doing. Take a step out of the busyness and get away for awhile. The disciples had just gone through their first intense mission of preaching, healing and casting out demons. It was then that Jesus told them it was important that they take some time for themselves and rest a while. They needed to come away from their normal schedule and have some time to recover. Finally, notice the text states that they did not even have time to eat peacefully! Often times I find I am the most vulnerable after I have been through something mentally, physically or spiritually strenuous. These times are generally when I am experiencing some kind of success, or completing a big job, or feeling especially close to God. This is especially true when I feel on top of the world. It is then that I am most likely to fail and fall into sin. God is very practical; He understands the need for a break and the need to get away. He designed the week with one day of rest. On the seventh day, having finished his task, God rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from his work of creation. Genesis 2:2-3. God did not need to rest, but he designed the week with us in mind with a designated day of rest each week. When we neglect that opportunity we face the potential of burning out. Every one can be worn down under the stress and strain of earning a living and getting things done. If we dont take the time to rest we open ourselves up to mental and physical reactions to the lack of rest and inactivity. Ulcers, depression, obesity, insomnia, addiction to medication or drugs or alcohol can all result if we dont take time to rest and recharge ourselves.

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One tax season I was working pretty hard. It was a new job and I had a family to support and was very anxious about making a good impression. About mid-March I started getting a rash. The rash was very itchy and irritating and started to distract me from being able to work. After about ten days I decided I had to see a doctor, because it just was not going away. As he examined the rash on my legs he asked me some questions. The first thing he asked was if I was under any stress at work. When I told him I was a CPA in the middle of tax season he said that the rash could be a physical reaction to my mental stress. He said that often times our bodies will react physically to release the stress in our minds. He gave me a cream to use on the rash and suggested that I try to take short breaks during the day instead of using the cream. I left his office and used the cream. It helped for awhile, but then it came back. I took his advice left my desk and disconnected myself from work for ten minutes and let my mind be diverted with a book I was reading. It was amazing; the rash all but disappeared as I read for those ten minutes! I only used the cream one time. Ever since then, whenever I feel itchy from a rash for no apparent reason I listen to my body and take a break. The stress and the rash go away and I have not had to see a doctor again about this problem. My body definitely told me I needed to take regular breaks from work to keep from getting stressed out. There are times when something has to get done right away and we can sleep a little less for a couple nights or work a couple weekends, but there is nothing so urgent that we have to skip family vacations for years because of work related issues. I had a friend who hadnt gone on a family vacation in over a decade. The family still went on vacations, but he was too busy to get away. He took breaks and played games on the computer, but missed those extended opportunities to connect with his family. Gradually the parents grew apart until they separated and ultimately divorced. A series of poor decisions developed a habit that effectively reduced the number of opportunities to interact in a relaxed unstressed environment and reconnect with his family. He lost his family, because of a lack of time away with them. It was sad to watch, but he was convinced that it was the right thing, because they had grown apart. He knew God, but did not know God and those he was closest to suffered because of these poor decisions. Remember J.O.Y. Jesus, Others, Yourself does include yourself. Taking time for ourselves is very important today. Only 150 years ago it would take days to get some where and life moved at a slower pace out of necessity. Distance made it take more time to do the same thing we do today. A trip from Washington to Richmond used to take 2 or 3 days on horseback. Now I drive there in two hours once a week or more for work, and I can call there anytime with the push of two or three buttons on my cell phone! Distance is no longer insulation from urgency. Our world is smaller and as it continues to shrink we seem to get busier. I remember when computers first came out for business purposes. One of the promises was that they would make life easier and reduce our work

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by making us more efficient. However, the addition of the computer has not decreased our workloads, but multiplied it. Yes, we can do the same work in less time, but now we can get an ever expanding realm of information into the reports we prepare and are required to prepare. Technology has also sped up the pace of life. We can talk to anyone, anywhere at anytime. Business may end in Europe for the day, but it is just starting in America. And when it ends in America it is starting in Asia. The morning news includes a summary of stock performances from Europe and Asia while we were asleep. This shrinking of the world and increase in communication has increased the pace and stress of our life. If we dont make time for ourselves we can get lost in the Tyranny of the Urgent. The solution to this is to make ourselves take time for ourselves. Yes we need to take time to be with our families, our wives and our children, but we also need to take time to ourselves. So what does all this mean? We are weak and emotional creatures living at a greatly accelerated and accelerating pace. We are and will always be vulnerable to temptation and sin. We can make it easier for ourselves to resist temptation by not being physically and or mentally exhausted. We can and must take the time to keep our bodies healthy, our minds alert and our spirits in tune with God. This reminds me of the Boy Scout Oath which closes with the following, I promise To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight! These are three great things we can do for ourselves. Just as Jesus pulled the disciples out of an atmosphere where they did not even have time to eat; we need to pull ourselves out of the rush hour into a quiet eddy. This is where we can refresh ourselves and refocus our attention on the things that are important and not the things that are URGENT! We can start by getting alone with Jesus daily. He is always there, he is always willing to listen, he cares deeply and he understands us completely. Time alone with God (TAWG time) is always a great way to refresh ourselves. It doesnt matter how little or how much time we take. God delights in getting away with us. Jesus invited the disciples to get away with him when they were over stressed. Jesus also invites us to join him any time we need a break. Taking time for ourselves is a daily, weekly, monthly and annual practice. Sometimes it is even an hourly responsibility. Yes I mean a responsibility. If we dont take time for ourselves who will? We could end up like Dick Vermeil burned out and used up, because of the stress we put on ourselves. In the early 1980s Dick Vermeil announced that he was burned out and retired from coaching. He was out of football for 20 years before he returned to coaching again.

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If we dont take time for ourselves as we go we could burn ourselves out before we should. There is a proverb that says, The unwise man burns the candle from both ends! What does he mean by this It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest! You deserve to sleep today! We need our sleep. This is the number one way that we take time for ourselves. Dreams and nightmares are often the product of business. We go to bed tired and get up tired and when we do sleep our worries follow us in our dreams. Sleep has been found to be very beneficial for the body and sleep deprivation is very harmful to the body. Take time to sleep. This is the best way to make time for ourselves. There is nothing that will help us to deal with problems more than getting a good nights sleep. Another great daily practice we need to do in making time for ourselves is praying. We need to take the time to pray and let God know what is on our mind. He says, Ask and you will receive! If you dont ask, how can you expect to receive? How often do we need to be asking daily, hourly, and even by the minute. I have heard of some folks who set their watch to beep every hour as a reminder to pray. Hourly prayer is a particularly good way to step aside for yourself even in the midst of a busy day. Nehemiah was asked a question by the king he served and it says that he spoke and prayed. He needed Gods help right then and he asked God for that help as he responded to the king. The third thing we can do to make time for ourselves is exercise. This is emphasizing our need to stay in shape. Exercising is a very private time. I like to focus on a movie to take my mind off the exercising while I pedal, but I have free undistracted time to think and dream and just enjoy the movie I am watching. Weekly time is also important. The thing I would like to do more of is just to go out and take a walk by myself. This just occurred to me now, but it seems like a very good way to get out by myself. I also think I will try to take my son fishing more frequently. Maybe not weekly, but once or twice a month would be good for both of us. Fishing is a very private activity. Most people I have seen fishing enjoy the company of friends without the need for conversation. We are active and resting at the same time. I like to get away once a month and play golf without the cell phone as I described earlier. Annual activities include getting away with the family and while we are away getting away by myself to do something. During this time I like to think about what I would like to accomplish and review what I accomplished in the previous year. I also like to spend some time praying and thanking God for all the opportunities He gave me and ask for

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guidance for the coming year. This doesnt have to be a long time and I dont normally take more than a morning for it while we are on vacation. Jesus, Others, Yourself! We cant afford to neglect ourselves. There is no person more responsible for us than our self. If we neglect to meet our physical, mental and spiritual needs we could subject ourselves to some physical, mental and emotional problems. My body reacted to stress by breaking out in a very irritating rash. Many people get ulcers or indigestion, because they are too busy to slow down. God designed the week with a day of rest. We need to take regular opportunities daily, weekly, monthly and annually to refresh ourselves and make sure we are fully connected with God. Jesus came to save the world, and was never described as tired or irritable. His life can be our example of keeping the goal in sight and living daily for Jesus, Others and Yourself. You deserve a break today!

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We Are Not Finished Yet If there is one thing I have learned as a parent it is that it takes time and I make mistakes. The worst mistake I have made with my kids was in yelling at them when they were very young, and it took a mirror at just the right time for me to even see how big a mistake I was making. My kids especially have the unfortunate circumstance of not being my wife. Wendy gets extra care because my parents would frequently get in arguments while I was growing up. As a child I vowed that I would not yell at my wife, because of the way they frequently yelled at each other. As an adult I cant think of more than a handful of times that I might have raised my voice (not even to a yell) at my wife. We get mad at each other, but never exhibit our anger by raised voices. My kids have not benefited from this vow. Unfortunately, I have a temper that I am still working to gain control of. While I vowed not to holler at my wife I made no such commitment about my children. When they were younger I can remember some pretty bad scenes where I was abusive in my anger at something they did to offend me. The one that started me on trying to fix this problem, or frequent mistake was with my oldest son Jonathan. I was yelling at him one day and caught a movement to my left. As I turned I saw myself in the mirror, and was shocked to see what I looked like. It is an impression that will never leave me. I saw all the anger inside me that I tried to mask, and realized I needed to change who I was. It started with asking Jonathan to forgive me. Since then it has been an ongoing struggle to overcome this problem. I still yell at my children in anger sometimes, but it is becoming rarer and rarer. It has become less frequent because God is changing who I am. Everyone makes mistakes. If we were really honest we would all probably admit to making numerous mistakes every day. It doesnt matter how close we are to God, because of our fallen nature. In an odd paradox the closer we are to God the more we see our own mistakes and flaws. Moses was kept from entering the promised land because he got angry one time and disobeyed God by striking the rock instead of speaking to it. God reprimanded him, because he was Gods witness to the Israelites. King David set the gold standard for making mistakes. He not only committed adultery with another mans wife, he tried to cover it up. When that failed he had the man killed. After murdering the husband of the woman he had the affair with he married her, and apparently tried to ignore God for two years. Yet 1,000 years later we read, But God removed him (Saul) from the kingship and replaced him with David, a man about whom God said, David son of Jesse is a man after my own heart, for he will do everything I want him to do. Acts 13:22

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How did David overcome murder and adultery to retain the title, A man after Gods own Heart? God never gave up on him! Even though David tried to ignore God; he never gave up on God either. When God confronted David with his mistakes David responded, Have mercy on me, O God, Because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, Blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. I recognize my shameful deeds they haunt me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I Sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, And your judgment against me is just! For I was born a sinner Yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. But you desire honesty from the heart, So you can teach me to be wise in my inmost being. Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow, Oh, give me back my joy again; You have broken me now let me rejoice. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, And dont take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation. And make me willing to obey you. Psalm 51:1-12. David confessed his sin to God. He accepted responsibility for his mistakes (sins). He acknowledged he needed to be changed on the inside. He wanted to be changed and asked God to do the changing. David knew that God was concerned about him personally, and that only God could change him. God wanted David to change, and gave him the opportunity. When David was given the opportunity to ask for forgiveness he jumped at the chance!

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When I saw myself in the mirror, I believe God had put me in a position to see that I needed to change. I had a choice to make. I could have ignored what I saw in the mirror and gone on yelling at my children, or I could ask for forgiveness and for help in changing me on the inside. I asked Jonathan to forgive me, and I confessed my mistake to God and asked Him to change me. Yelling, murder, and adultery are all external sins. Jesus taught that the sin on the outside is only a symptom of the sin on the inside. He brought it back to our attitude. Jesus said, You have heard that the law of Moses says, Do not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment. But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! Matthew 5:21-22. I had to be angry on the inside before I could yell as I did at my children. The yelling was not the problem, it is just an external manifestation of an internal attitude. Anger is particularly challenging for me, because I have a whole heap of hidden anger. All I need to do is get behind the wheel of my car and drive for five minutes and I will get angry at someone. I do believe my anger is wrong, because it is like committing murder in your heart. Outside I can try to hide my anger, but inside God sees my heart. This is where God is trying to change me on the inside where my attitudes are nurtured. Jesus brings everything back to what is inside of us. Who we are is buried deep inside of us. This is where the Spirit of God works his change in our hearts. He wants to change us from the inside out. God starts changing us with a heart transplant, I will take away their hearts of stone and give them tender hearts instead! Ezekiel 11:19b. Once God completes the heart transplant he personally takes up residence in us in the form of the Holy Spirit. And now you also have heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. Ephesians 1:13. It is the Holy Spirit that helps us. After that the choice is ours. So, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you keep on following it, you will perish. But if through the power of the Holy Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live. Romans 8:12-13a. And we do have a choice. We can choose to get angry, or we can stay calm. We can choose to live in our own strength or use the power of the Holy Spirit. Every situation and circumstance we find ourselves in the choice is ours. The problem is that when we are angry or tempted we make the wrong choice. We choose to react in anger, or give into the temptation. God always provides the right choice, but if we do make the wrong choice we need to follow the example of David. We need to seek Gods forgiveness and restore our relationship with him as quickly as we can.

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After we get right with God we need to repair any relationship(s) that might have been damaged by our mistake. This is especially true of our relationships in our family. Admitting our mistakes and asking for forgiveness are great ways to open up communication and strengthen our relationships. Our spouse and children dont want to be angry at us, and when we acknowledge our faults we allow them to release the anger before it becomes a real problem. David never confessed his mistakes to his son and as a result his son never got over his anger at his father and tried to steal the kingdom from him. It was only after the rebellion started that David realized his mistake, but it was too late. His son died angry at him, because he did not take the time to admit his mistake to his son. God wants to have a good relationship with us and will always give us an opportunity to admit our mistakes and repent. God loves us, He has not punished us for all our sins, nor does he deal with us as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our rebellious acts as far away from us as the east is from the west. Psalm 103:10-12. When we acknowledge our sins to God he removes them from his memory. If God has forgiven us, we can then go to our family. Our kids want to be like us. You know Im gonna to be like you dad, you know Im gonna be like you! Our wives want to stay married to us. People dont generally make the marriage promises with the intention of breaking that promise. If our relationships in our family are good we will be better able to have good relationships with people outside of our family. Being a family is all about relationships. Acknowledging our mistakes and asking for forgiveness are important to keeping our relationships close and the lines of communication open. We set the example for this as we do with everything our children learn. This chapter is about getting over our mistakes, and realize that we are not finished yet. We need to get over it! For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again! Proverbs 24:16. We need to realize that our relationships with God and our family are too important to let them break down because we cant say, I am sorry. Likewise, people will make mistakes that get us angry at them. Our kids will do bad things that they need to be punished or disciplined for. They will get us angry at them. These are just the facts of life, but God makes it our responsibility if someone hurts us to

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go and try to restore the relationship! If someone offends us we need to go and tell them, and forgive them. Many times the person who offends us may not even be aware of the fact they have offended us. If we dont deal with a situation where someone upsets us we will start to harbor anger, which can affect our attitude and will eventually spring out in our life and our relationships. If we are proactive we dont give anger and bitterness a change to take root and blacken our heart. It is for our benefit as much as for the person who has upset us that we need to do this. Even if they still dont feel like they have wronged us we need to forgive them. We also must be willing to forgive others. Not just once or twice, but repeatedly. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, forgive him. Luke 14:4. God is not asking us to do anything more than he is willing to do. I know I have had to go to God over and over again for the same sin. Sometimes, I have to go more than once in a day. Each time I ask for forgiveness he forgives me. Following his example we are to do the same thing and forgive others extending to them the grace that God gives to us. Mistakes are a part of living. Saying I am sorry is very therapeutic to restoring our relationships. Being aware that often outward actions are only symptoms of problems in our character can help us to correct our faults. God is more interested in who we are becoming and why we do what we do than in the actions we do. Gods forgiveness is the first step in recovery from our sins. Admitting our mistakes to our family will strengthen these relationships. Knowing everyone makes mistakes will make it easier to ask for and to give forgiveness.

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21 Family Is Worth It

Jeremiah is an avid soccer player now. He has been playing soccer off and on for the last ten years. When he was really young I was his teams coach. Then he got tired of soccer, or maybe tired of me trying to get him to like soccer. As much as I wanted him to like sports and soccer, I always felt like I was forcing him to do what I wanted him to do. Two years ago he decided he wanted to try playing soccer again. Since then he has grown as a kid and he has worked diligently on his own to improve his skills. This year he moved up to the U-16 league and has continued to improve. Even though he is one of the youngest on the team he is playing the whole game. One dramatic change has been in his willingness to attack the ball. Even when the other players are much bigger he has learned not to be afraid and that he can get the ball from anyone. We have rearranged our church schedule so that he and I can play in an adult pickup game on Sunday morning before church. This has been great for our relationship and his development. On Sunday morning he is willing to listen to the other adults and work on the skills they are teaching him. After a good workout we go home and quickly shower and change for church. It has been exciting to watch his development over the last ten years! This is only in one area of his life. Watching our family grow for 20 years has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Each of our kids has changed so dramatically in so many ways that it is impossible to comprehend. Not only have our kids changed, but Wendy and I have also changed and grown. When we got married I do not think we really understood everything that meant. When we had our first child we definitely could not imagine that we would be soon getting ready to send our first child off to college. I like to say that I have over 40 years of parenting experience now! Thats because the things that worked with Jonathan dont motivate Jeremiah. The things that get Jeremiahs attention are boring to Christy. The way they respond to discipline and conversation is very different from child to child. So to figure out how experienced you are you have to add the ages of the children together. Family, Its not just a job, it is an adventure! Having a wife and children is the adventure of a lifetime. Confucius says, The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. We are well down the road on our thousand miles, but we have a long way to journey still. Each day is just one more step in the journey. And the journey is worth it. In 25 years as a child in Gods family I have grown closer to God my Father and our relationship is more meaningful today then it has ever been. There is peace and joy in being a member of Gods family that is beyond our ability to understand.

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In 20 years of marriage our relationship has grown and matured so much. It seems we havent been married that long. Our wedding and honeymoon are still vivid memories, as is our tenth anniversary trip to England. My wife is a blessing from God. In 18 years of raising our children I have also grown. I have often teased my children with how much time they have left in our house. Now I am confronted with a son that will be going to college and will be out from under my roof. I am not old enough to have a son getting ready for college. Choosing to keep my relationship with my wife my first family priority has given me confidence that our marriage will last beyond our children growing up. Choosing to be involved with my children in their daily lives has given me more joy and happiness than anything else I have done. Keeping my attitude right has allowed me to maintain a proper perspective on God, my family and living. Our attitude is so important to who we are and how people respond to us. I was reminded of this one night recently during bed time reading. I was very preoccupied and rushed through the reading. Afterwards my daughter was in tears because she could not get me to smile. She told my wife and my wife told me. I called her back into our room and took some time to talk to her. It was a good reminder of how our attitude can have such a powerful effect on those around us. She forgave me and I even tried to smile for her. The next night reading time was much better. There are many ways we can treat our families and those we love, but the best way is in a loving way! We need to love them, not just when they are good and well behaved, but also when they are bad and disobey us. Our love should not be based on what others do, but how God sees them. And in any event, you should desire the most helpful gifts. First, however, let me tell you about something else that is better than any spiritual gift! I Corinthians 12:31. That something else is love. We are responsible. When we accept this responsibility and have a family priority we can expect to hear, Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your Father! There is a satisfaction that comes when we see our family succeed because of our efforts. There is a joy that we have when our children please us. There is a deep contentment when we have good relationship with our spouse. All these things are possible if we accept our responsibility and love them as God loves us. Prayer is a truly powerful activity. When we ask for Gods help and guidance He is delighted to give it to us. Hitherto you have asked for nothing in my name. Ask and you will receive that your joy may be complete! John 16:24. God wants to give us beyond all we can ask or hope. Prayer is powerful because of the God we pray to. Prayer is also powerful because of our relationship as children of our heavenly Father. Praying changes lives. Praying also changes us.

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We need to have peace, patience and perseverance as a member of a family. God our father has patience and perseverance with us as he trains us up to become like Him. We need to live in the peace that God gives us so that we can be patient and persevere with our own family. People take time. Everything we do takes time. It is easy to evaluate our priorities by reviewing our schedules and seeing where we spend or invest our time. Harry Chapins tragic song, The Cats in the Cradle chronicles the poor investment of time by a father in his child. I do not know if this is autobiographical of him, but I know that we dont have to choose to spend our time as the father in the song does. We can choose to invest our time in our family.

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