An Ideal Husband - Oscar Wilde

An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY THE EARL OF CAVERSHAM, !"! VISCO#NT "ORIN", $is S%n SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN, &ar'!, #nder(Secre'ary )%r F%rei*n A))airs VICOMTE +E NAN,AC, A''ac$e a' '$e Frenc$ E-bassy in L%nd%n MR! MONTFOR+ MASON, &u'ler '% Sir R%ber' C$il'ern PHIPPS, L%rd "%rin*.s Ser/an' ,AMES 0 HAROL+ 0 F%%'-en LA+Y CHILTERN LA+Y MAR &Y THE CO#NTESS OF &ASIL+ON MRS! MARCHMONT MISS MA&EL CHILTERN, Sir R%ber' C$il'ern.s Sis'er MRS! CHEVELEY THE SCENES OF THE PLAY ACT I! T$e Oc'a*%n R%%- in Sir R%ber' C$il'ern.s H%use in "r%s/en%r S1uare! ACT II! M%rnin*(r%%- in Sir R%ber' C$il'ern.s H%use! ACT III! T$e Library %) L%rd "%rin*.s H%use in Cur2%n S'ree'! ACT IV! Sa-e as Ac' II! TIME3 T$e Presen' PLACE3 L%nd%n! T$e ac'i%n %) '$e 4lay is c%-4le'ed 5i'$in '5en'y()%ur $%urs!
THEATRE ROYAL, HAYMAR ET S%le Lessee3 Mr! Herber' &eerb%$- Tree Mana*ers3 Mr! Le5is Waller and Mr! H! H! M%rell ,anuary 6rd, 789: THE EARL OF CAVERSHAM, Mr! Al)red &is$%4! VISCO#NT "ORIN", Mr! C$arles H! Ha5'rey! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN, Mr! Le5is Waller! VICOMTE +E NAN,AC, Mr! C%s-% S'uar'! MR! MONTFOR+, Mr! Harry S'an)%rd! PHIPPS, Mr! C! H! &r%%;)ield! MASON, Mr! H! +eane! ,AMES, Mr! C$arles Meyric;! HAROL+, Mr! "%%d$ar'! LA+Y CHILTERN, Miss ,ulia Neils%n! LA+Y MAR &Y, Miss Fanny &r%u*$! CO#NTESS OF &ASIL+ON, Miss Vane Fea'$ers'%n! MRS! MARCHMONT, Miss Helen F%rsy'$! MISS MA&EL CHILTERN, Miss Maud Mille'! MRS! CHEVELEY, Miss Fl%rence Wes'!
FIRST ACT
SCENE T$e %c'a*%n r%%- a' Sir R%ber' C$il'ern.s $%use in "r%s/en%r S1uare! <T$e r%%- is brillian'ly li*$'ed and )ull %) *ues's! A' '$e '%4 %) '$e s'aircase s'ands LA+Y CHILTERN, a 5%-an %) *ra/e "ree; beau'y, ab%u' '5en'y(se/en years %) a*e! S$e recei/es '$e *ues's as '$ey c%-e u4! O/er '$e 5ell %) '$e s'aircase $an*s a *rea' c$andelier 5i'$ 5a= li*$'s, 5$ic$ illu-ine a lar*e ei*$'een'$(cen'ury Frenc$ 'a4es'ry ( re4resen'in* '$e Triu-4$ %) L%/e, )r%- a desi*n by &%uc$er
( '$a' is s're'c$ed %n '$e s'aircase 5all! On '$e ri*$' is '$e en'rance '% '$e -usic(r%%-! T$e s%und %) a s'rin* 1uar'e''e is )ain'ly $eard! T$e en'rance %n '$e le)' leads '% %'$er rece4'i%n( r%%-s! MRS! MARCHMONT and LA+Y &ASIL+ON, '5% /ery 4re''y 5%-en, are sea'ed '%*e'$er %n a L%uis Sei2e s%)a! T$ey are 'y4es %) e=1uisi'e )ra*ili'y! T$eir a))ec'a'i%n %) -anner $as a delica'e c$ar-! Wa''eau 5%uld $a/e l%/ed '% 4ain' '$e-!> MRS! MARCHMONT! Mar*are'? LA+Y &ASIL+ON! MRS! MARCHMONT! d%n.' '$ey? "%in* %n '% '$e Har'l%c;s. '%(ni*$', I su44%se s%! Yes! Are y%u?
H%rribly 'edi%us 4ar'ies '$ey *i/e,
LA+Y &ASIL+ON! H%rribly 'edi%us@ Ne/er ;n%5 5$y I *% any5$ere! MRS! MARCHMONT! LA+Y &ASIL+ON!
Ne/er ;n%5 5$y I *%!
I c%-e $ere '% be educa'ed A$@ I $a'e bein* educa'ed@
MRS! MARCHMONT! S% d% I! I' 4u's %ne al-%s' %n a le/el 5i'$ '$e c%--ercial classes, d%esn.' i'? &u' dear "er'rude C$il'ern is al5ays 'ellin* -e '$a' I s$%uld $a/e s%-e seri%us 4ur4%se in li)e! S% I c%-e $ere '% 'ry '% )ind %ne! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! <L%%;in* r%und '$r%u*$ $er l%r*ne''e!> I d%n.' see anyb%dy $ere '%(ni*$' 5$%- %ne c%uld 4%ssibly call a seri%us 4ur4%se! T$e -an 5$% '%%; -e in '% dinner 'al;ed '% -e ab%u' $is 5i)e '$e 5$%le 'i-e!
MRS! MARCHMONT! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! ab%u'? MRS! MARCHMONT! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! MRS! MARCHMONT! de*ree! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! MRS! MARCHMONT! Oli/ia@
H%5 /ery 'ri/ial %) $i-@ Terribly 'ri/ial@ Ab%u' -ysel)! <Lan*uidly!> And 5ere y%u in'eres'ed? N%' in '$e s-alles' W$a' did y%ur -an 'al;
<S$a;in* $er $ead!>
W$a' -ar'yrs 5e are, dear Mar*are'@ <Risin*!> And $%5 5ell i' bec%-es us,
<T$ey rise and *% '%5ards '$e -usic(r%%-! T$e VICOMTE +E NAN,AC, a y%un* a''ac$e ;n%5n )%r $is nec;'ies and $is An*l%-ania, a44r%ac$es 5i'$ a l%5 b%5, and en'ers in'% c%n/ersa'i%n!> MASON! <Ann%uncin* *ues's )r%- '$e '%4 %) '$e s'aircase!> Mr! and Lady ,ane &ar)%rd! L%rd Ca/ers$a-! <En'er LOR+ CAVERSHAM, an %ld *en'le-an %) se/en'y, 5earin* '$e riband and s'ar %) '$e "ar'er! A )ine W$i* 'y4e! Ra'$er li;e a 4%r'rai' by La5rence!> LOR+ CAVERSHAM! "%%d e/enin*, Lady C$il'ern@ )%r( n%'$in* y%un* s%n been $ere? LA+Y CHILTERN! arri/ed ye'! <S-ilin*!> Has -y *%%d(
I d%n.' '$in; L%rd "%rin* $as
MA&EL CHILTERN! <C%-in* u4 '% LOR+ CAVERSHAM!> call L%rd "%rin* *%%d()%r(n%'$in*?
W$y d% y%u
<MA&EL CHILTERN is a 4er)ec' e=a-4le %) '$e En*lis$ 'y4e %)
4re''iness, '$e a44le(bl%ss%- 'y4e! S$e $as all '$e )ra*rance and )reed%- %) a )l%5er! T$ere is ri44le a)'er ri44le %) sunli*$' in $er $air, and '$e li''le -%u'$, 5i'$ i's 4ar'ed li4s, is e=4ec'an', li;e '$e -%u'$ %) a c$ild! S$e $as '$e )ascina'in* 'yranny %) y%u'$, and '$e as'%nis$in* c%ura*e %) inn%cence! T% sane 4e%4le s$e is n%' re-iniscen' %) any 5%r; %) ar'! &u' s$e is really li;e a Tana*ra s'a'ue''e, and 5%uld be ra'$er ann%yed i) s$e 5ere '%ld s%!> LOR+ CAVERSHAM! &ecause $e leads suc$ an idle li)e!
MA&EL CHILTERN! H%5 can y%u say suc$ a '$in*? W$y, $e rides in '$e R%5 a' 'en %.cl%c; in '$e -%rnin*, *%es '% '$e O4era '$ree 'i-es a 5ee;, c$an*es $is cl%'$es a' leas' )i/e 'i-es a day, and dines %u' e/ery ni*$' %) '$e seas%n! Y%u d%n.' call '$a' leadin* an idle li)e, d% y%u? LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <L%%;in* a' $er 5i'$ a ;indly '5in;le in $is eyes!> Y%u are a /ery c$ar-in* y%un* lady@ MA&EL CHILTERN! H%5 s5ee' %) y%u '% say '$a', L%rd Ca/ers$a-@ +% c%-e '% us -%re %)'en! Y%u ;n%5 5e are al5ays a' $%-e %n Wednesdays, and y%u l%%; s% 5ell 5i'$ y%ur s'ar@ LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Ne/er *% any5$ere n%5! Sic; %) L%nd%n S%cie'y! S$%uldn.' -ind bein* in'r%duced '% -y %5n 'ail%rA $e al5ays /%'es %n '$e ri*$' side! &u' %bBec' s'r%n*ly '% bein* sen' d%5n '% dinner 5i'$ -y 5i)e.s -illiner! Ne/er c%uld s'and Lady Ca/ers$a-.s b%nne's! MA&EL CHILTERN! i--ensely O$, I l%/e L%nd%n S%cie'y@ I '$in; i' $as
i-4r%/ed! I' is en'irely c%-4%sed n%5 %) beau'i)ul idi%'s and brillian' luna'ics! ,us' 5$a' S%cie'y s$%uld be! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! %r '$e %'$er '$in*? Hu-@ W$ic$ is "%rin*? &eau'i)ul idi%',
MA&EL CHILTERN! <"ra/ely!> I $a/e been %bli*ed )%r '$e 4resen' '% 4u' L%rd "%rin* in'% a class 1ui'e by $i-sel)! &u' $e is de/el%4in* c$ar-in*ly@ LOR+ CAVERSHAM! In'% 5$a'? I $%4e '% le'
MA&EL CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a li''le cur'sey!> y%u ;n%5 /ery s%%n, L%rd Ca/ers$a-@ MASON! <Ann%uncin* *ues's!> Lady Mar;by!
Mrs! C$e/eley!
<En'er LA+Y MAR &Y and MRS! CHEVELEY! LA+Y MAR &Y is a 4leasan', ;indly, 4%4ular 5%-an, 5i'$ *ray $air e la -ar1uise and *%%d lace! MRS! CHEVELEY, 5$% acc%-4anies $er, is 'all and ra'$er sli*$'! Li4s /ery '$in and $i*$ly(c%l%ured, a line %) scarle' %n a 4allid )ace! Vene'ian red $air, a1uiline n%se, and l%n* '$r%a'! R%u*e accen'ua'es '$e na'ural 4aleness %) $er c%-4le=i%n! "ray(*reen eyes '$a' -%/e res'lessly! S$e is in $eli%'r%4e, 5i'$ dia-%nds! S$e l%%;s ra'$er li;e an %rc$id, and -a;es *rea' de-ands %n %ne.s curi%si'y! In all $er -%/e-en's s$e is e='re-ely *race)ul! A 5%r; %) ar', %n '$e 5$%le, bu' s$%5in* '$e in)luence %) '%% -any sc$%%ls!> LA+Y MAR &Y! "%%d e/enin*, dear "er'rude@ S% ;ind %) y%u '% le' -e brin* -y )riend, Mrs! C$e/eley! T5% suc$ c$ar-in* 5%-en s$%uld ;n%5 eac$ %'$er@
LA+Y CHILTERN! <Ad/ances '%5ards MRS! CHEVELEY 5i'$ a s5ee' s-ile! T$en suddenly s'%4s, and b%5s ra'$er dis'an'ly!> I '$in; Mrs! C$e/eley and I $a/e -e' be)%re! I did n%' ;n%5 s$e $ad -arried a sec%nd 'i-e! LA+Y MAR &Y! <"enially!> A$, n%5adays 4e%4le -arry as %)'en as '$ey can, d%n.' '$ey? I' is -%s' )as$i%nable! <T% +#CHESS OF MARY&ORO#"H!> +ear +uc$ess, and $%5 is '$e +u;e? &rain s'ill 5ea;, I su44%se? Well, '$a' is %nly '% be e=4ec'ed, is i' n%'? His *%%d )a'$er 5as Bus' '$e sa-e! T$ere is n%'$in* li;e race, is '$ere? MRS! CHEVELEY! <Playin* 5i'$ $er )an!> &u' $a/e 5e really -e' be)%re, Lady C$il'ern? I can.' re-e-ber 5$ere! I $a/e been %u' %) En*land )%r s% l%n*! LA+Y CHILTERN! We 5ere a' sc$%%l '%*e'$er, Mrs! C$e/eley!
MRS! CHEVELEY <Su4ercili%usly!> Indeed? I $a/e )%r*%''en all ab%u' -y sc$%%ldays! I $a/e a /a*ue i-4ressi%n '$a' '$ey 5ere de'es'able! LA+Y CHILTERN! <C%ldly!> I a- n%' sur4rised@
MRS! CHEVELEY! <In $er s5ee'es' -anner!> +% y%u ;n%5, I a- 1ui'e l%%;in* )%r5ard '% -ee'in* y%ur cle/er $usband, Lady C$il'ern! Since $e $as been a' '$e F%rei*n O))ice, $e $as been s% -uc$ 'al;ed %) in Vienna! T$ey ac'ually succeed in s4ellin* $is na-e ri*$' in '$e ne5s4a4ers! T$a' in i'sel) is )a-e, %n '$e c%n'inen'! LA+Y CHILTERN! I $ardly '$in; '$ere 5ill be -uc$ in c%--%n be'5een y%u and -y $usband, Mrs! C$e/eley@ <M%/es a5ay!>
VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! A$@ c$ere Mada-e, 1ueue sur4rise@ $a/e n%' seen y%u since &erlin@ MRS! CHEVELEY! N%' since &erlin, Vic%-'e!
Fi/e years a*%@
VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! And y%u are y%un*er and -%re beau'i)ul '$an e/er! H%5 d% y%u -ana*e i'? MRS! CHEVELEY! &y -a;in* i' a rule %nly '% 'al; '% 4er)ec'ly c$ar-in* 4e%4le li;e y%ursel)! VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! '$ey say $ere! MRS! CHEVELEY! '$e-@ A$@ y%u )la''er -e! Y%u bu''er -e, as
+% '$ey say '$a' $ere?
H%5 dread)ul %)
VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! Yes, '$ey $a/e a 5%nder)ul lan*ua*e! I' s$%uld be -%re 5idely ;n%5n! <SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN en'ers! A -an %) )%r'y, bu' l%%;in* s%-e5$a' y%un*er! Clean(s$a/en, 5i'$ )inely(cu' )ea'ures, dar;( $aired and dar;(eyed! A 4ers%nali'y %) -ar;! N%' 4%4ular ( )e5 4ers%nali'ies are! &u' in'ensely ad-ired by '$e )e5, and dee4ly res4ec'ed by '$e -any! T$e n%'e %) $is -anner is '$a' %) 4er)ec' dis'inc'i%n, 5i'$ a sli*$' '%uc$ %) 4ride! One )eels '$a' $e is c%nsci%us %) '$e success $e $as -ade in li)e! A ner/%us 'e-4era-en', 5i'$ a 'ired l%%;! T$e )ir-ly(c$iselled -%u'$ and c$in c%n'ras' s'ri;in*ly 5i'$ '$e r%-an'ic e=4ressi%n in '$e dee4(se' eyes! T$e /ariance is su**es'i/e %) an al-%s' c%-4le'e se4ara'i%n %) 4assi%n and in'ellec', as '$%u*$
'$%u*$' and e-%'i%n 5ere eac$ is%la'ed in i's %5n s4$ere '$r%u*$ s%-e /i%lence %) 5ill(4%5er! T$ere is ner/%usness in '$e n%s'rils, and in '$e 4ale, '$in, 4%in'ed $ands! I' 5%uld be inaccura'e '% call $i4ic'ures1ue! Pic'ures1ueness cann%' sur/i/e '$e H%use %) C%--%ns! &u' Vandyc; 5%uld $a/e li;ed '% $a/e 4ain'ed $is $ead!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "%%d e/enin*, Lady Mar;by@ y%u $a/e br%u*$' Sir ,%$n 5i'$ y%u? I $%4e
LA+Y MAR &Y! O$@ I $a/e br%u*$' a -uc$ -%re c$ar-in* 4ers%n '$an Sir ,%$n! Sir ,%$n.s 'e-4er since $e $as 'a;en seri%usly '% 4%li'ics $as bec%-e 1ui'e unbearable! Really, n%5 '$a' '$e H%use %) C%--%ns is 'ryin* '% bec%-e use)ul, i' d%es a *rea' deal %) $ar-! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I $%4e n%', Lady Mar;by! A' any ra'e 5e d% %ur bes' '% 5as'e '$e 4ublic 'i-e, d%n.' 5e? &u' 5$% is '$is c$ar-in* 4ers%n y%u $a/e been ;ind en%u*$ '% brin* '% us? LA+Y MAR &Y! Her na-e is Mrs! C$e/eley@ One %) '$e +%rse's$ire C$e/eleys, I su44%se! &u' I really d%n.' ;n%5! Fa-ilies are s% -i=ed n%5adays! Indeed, as a rule, e/eryb%dy 'urns %u' '% be s%-eb%dy else! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! na-e! LA+Y MAR &Y! Mrs! C$e/eley? I see- '% ;n%5 '$e
S$e $as Bus' arri/ed )r%- Vienna! A$@ yes! I '$in; I ;n%5 5$%- y%u
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! -ean! LA+Y MAR &Y! 4leasan'
O$@ s$e *%es e/ery5$ere '$ere, and $as suc$
scandals ab%u' all $er )riends! I really -us' *% '% Vienna ne=' 5in'er! I $%4e '$ere is a *%%d c$e) a' '$e E-bassy! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! cer'ainly $a/e '% be recalled! I s$%uld li;e '% see $er! I) '$ere is n%', '$e A-bassad%r 5ill Pray 4%in' %u' Mrs! C$e/eley '% -e!
LA+Y MAR &Y! Le' -e in'r%duce y%u! <T% MRS! CHEVELEY!> My dear, Sir R%ber' C$il'ern is dyin* '% ;n%5 y%u@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <&%5in*!> E/ery %ne is dyin* '% ;n%5 '$e brillian' Mrs! C$e/eley! Our a''ac$es a' Vienna 5ri'e '% us ab%u' n%'$in* else! MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an; y%u, Sir R%ber'! An ac1uain'ance '$a' be*ins 5i'$ a c%-4li-en' is sure '% de/el%4 in'% a real )riends$i4! I' s'ar's in '$e ri*$' -anner! And I )ind '$a' I ;n%5 Lady C$il'ern already! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Really?
MRS! CHEVELEY! Yes! S$e $as Bus' re-inded -e '$a' 5e 5ere a' sc$%%l '%*e'$er! I re-e-ber i' 4er)ec'ly n%5! S$e al5ays *%' '$e *%%d c%nduc' 4ri2e! I $a/e a dis'inc' rec%llec'i%n %) Lady C$il'ern al5ays *e''in* '$e *%%d c%nduc' 4ri2e@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! *e', Mrs! C$e/eley? <S-ilin*!> And 5$a' 4ri2es did y%u
MRS! CHEVELEY! My 4ri2es ca-e a li''le la'er %n in li)e! I d%n.' '$in; any %) '$e- 5ere )%r *%%d c%nduc'! I )%r*e'@
10
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! c$ar-in*@
I a- sure '$ey 5ere )%r s%-e'$in*
MRS! CHEVELEY! I d%n.' ;n%5 '$a' 5%-en are al5ays re5arded )%r bein* c$ar-in*! I '$in; '$ey are usually 4unis$ed )%r i'@ Cer'ainly, -%re 5%-en *r%5 %ld n%5adays '$r%u*$ '$e )ai'$)ulness %) '$eir ad-irers '$an '$r%u*$ any'$in* else@ A' leas' '$a' is '$e %nly 5ay I can acc%un' )%r '$e 'erribly $a**ard l%%; %) -%s' %) y%ur 4re''y 5%-en in L%nd%n@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' an a44allin* 4$il%s%4$y '$a' s%unds@ T% a''e-4' '% classi)y y%u, Mrs! C$e/eley, 5%uld be an i-4er'inence! &u' -ay I as;, a' $ear', are y%u an %4'i-is' %r a 4essi-is'? T$%se see- '% be '$e %nly '5% )as$i%nable reli*i%ns le)' '% us n%5adays! MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, I.- nei'$er! O4'i-is- be*ins in a br%ad *rin, and Pessi-is- ends 5i'$ blue s4ec'acles! &esides, '$ey are b%'$ %) '$e- -erely 4%ses! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! 4%se '% ;ee4 u4! Y%u 4re)er '% be na'ural? &u' i' is suc$ a /ery di))icul'
S%-e'i-es!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' 5%uld '$%se -%dern 4syc$%l%*ical n%/elis's, %) 5$%- 5e $ear s% -uc$, say '% suc$ a '$e%ry as '$a'? MRS! CHEVELEY! A$@ '$e s'ren*'$ %) 5%-en c%-es )r%- '$e )ac' '$a' 4syc$%l%*y cann%' e=4lain us! Men can be analysed, 5%-en ! ! ! -erely ad%red!
11
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$e 4r%ble- %) 5%-en?
Y%u '$in; science cann%' *ra44le 5i'$
MRS! CHEVELEY! Science can ne/er *ra44le 5i'$ '$e irra'i%nal! T$a' is 5$y i' $as n% )u'ure be)%re i', in '$is 5%rld! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! And 5%-en re4resen' '$e irra'i%nal!
Well(dressed 5%-en d%!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a 4%li'e b%5!> I )ear I c%uld $ardly a*ree 5i'$ y%u '$ere! &u' d% si' d%5n! And n%5 'ell -e, 5$a' -a;es y%u lea/e y%ur brillian' Vienna )%r %ur *l%%-y L%nd%n ( %r 4er$a4s '$e 1ues'i%n is indiscree'? MRS! CHEVELEY! s%-e'i-es are! Cues'i%ns are ne/er indiscree'! Ans5ers
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! is 4%li'ics %r 4leasure?
Well, a' any ra'e, -ay I ;n%5 i) i'
MRS! CHEVELEY! P%li'ics are -y %nly 4leasure! Y%u see n%5adays i' is n%' )as$i%nable '% )lir' 'ill %ne is )%r'y, %r '% be r%-an'ic 'ill %ne is )%r'y()i/e, s% 5e 4%%r 5%-en 5$% are under '$ir'y, %r say 5e are, $a/e n%'$in* %4en '% us bu' 4%li'ics %r 4$ilan'$r%4y! And 4$ilan'$r%4y see-s '% -e '% $a/e bec%-e si-4ly '$e re)u*e %) 4e%4le 5$% 5is$ '% ann%y '$eir )ell%5(crea'ures! I 4re)er 4%li'ics! I '$in; '$ey are -%re ! ! ! bec%-in*@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! A 4%li'ical li)e is a n%ble career@
MRS! CHEVELEY! S%-e'i-es! And s%-e'i-es i' is a cle/er *a-e, Sir R%ber'! And s%-e'i-es i' is a *rea' nuisance!
12
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! )an!> I?
W$ic$ d% y%u )ind i'? A c%-bina'i%n %) all '$ree! <Pic;s u4 )an!> All%5 -e@ <+r%4s $er
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY!
T$an;s!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! &u' y%u $a/e n%' '%ld -e ye' 5$a' -a;es y%u $%n%ur L%nd%n s% suddenly! Our seas%n is al-%s' %/er! MRS! CHEVELEY! O$@ I d%n.' care ab%u' '$e L%nd%n seas%n@ I' is '%% -a'ri-%nial! Pe%4le are ei'$er $un'in* )%r $usbands, %r $idin* )r%'$e-! I 5an'ed '% -ee' y%u! I' is 1ui'e 'rue! Y%u ;n%5 5$a' a 5%-an.s curi%si'y is! Al-%s' as *rea' as a -an.s@ I 5an'ed i--ensely '% -ee' y%u, and ! ! ! '% as; y%u '% d% s%-e'$in* )%r -e! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I $%4e i' is n%' a li''le '$in*, Mrs! C$e/eley! I )ind '$a' li''le '$in*s are s% /ery di))icul' '% d%! MRS! CHEVELEY! <A)'er a -%-en'.s re)lec'i%n!> '$in; i' is 1ui'e a li''le '$in*! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I a- s% *lad! N%, I d%n.'
+% 'ell -e 5$a' i' is!
MRS! CHEVELEY! La'er %n! <Rises!> And n%5 -ay I 5al; '$r%u*$ y%ur beau'i)ul $%use? I $ear y%ur 4ic'ures are c$ar-in*! P%%r &ar%n Arn$ei- ( y%u re-e-ber '$e &ar%n? ( used '% 'ell -e y%u $ad s%-e 5%nder)ul C%r%'s! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Wi'$ an al-%s' i-4erce4'ible s'ar'!> +id y%u ;n%5 &ar%n Arn$ei- 5ell? MRS! CHEVELEY! <S-ilin*!> In'i-a'ely! +id y%u?
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A' %ne 'i-e!
W%nder)ul -an, 5asn.' $e? <A)'er a 4ause!> He 5as /ery
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! re-ar;able, in -any 5ays!
MRS! CHEVELEY! I %)'en '$in; i' suc$ a 4i'y $e ne/er 5r%'e $is -e-%irs! T$ey 5%uld $a/e been -%s' in'eres'in*! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! li;e '$e %ld "ree;! Yes3 $e ;ne5 -en and ci'ies 5ell,
MRS! CHEVELEY! Wi'$%u' '$e dread)ul disad/an'a*e %) $a/in* a Penel%4e 5ai'in* a' $%-e )%r $i-! MASON! L%rd "%rin*!
<En'er LOR+ "ORIN"! T$ir'y()%ur, bu' al5ays says $e is y%un*er! A 5ell(bred, e=4ressi%nless )ace! He is cle/er, bu' 5%uld n%' li;e '% be '$%u*$' s%! A )la5less dandy, $e 5%uld be ann%yed i) $e 5ere c%nsidered r%-an'ic! He 4lays 5i'$ li)e, and is %n 4er)ec'ly *%%d 'er-s 5i'$ '$e 5%rld! He is )%nd %) bein* -isunders'%%d! I' *i/es $i- a 4%s' %) /an'a*e!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "%%d e/enin*, -y dear Ar'$ur@ Mrs! C$e/eley, all%5 -e '% in'r%duce '% y%u L%rd "%rin*, '$e idles' -an in L%nd%n! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! -e, Mrs! C$e/eley! I $a/e -e' L%rd "%rin* be)%re! <&%5in*!> I did n%' '$in; y%u 5%uld re-e-ber
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MRS! CHEVELEY! My -e-%ry is under ad-irable c%n'r%l! are y%u s'ill a bac$el%r? LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! I ! ! ! belie/e s%! H%5 /ery r%-an'ic@
And
LOR+ "ORIN"! O$@ I a- n%' a' all r%-an'ic! en%u*$! I lea/e r%-ance '% -y seni%rs! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Club, Mrs! C$e/eley! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"!
I a- n%' %ld
L%rd "%rin* is '$e resul' %) &%%dle.s
He re)lec's e/ery credi' %n '$e ins'i'u'i%n! May I as; are y%u s'ayin* in L%nd%n l%n*?
MRS! CHEVELEY! T$a' de4ends 4ar'ly %n '$e 5ea'$er, 4ar'ly %n '$e c%%;in*, and 4ar'ly %n Sir R%ber'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Eur%4ean 5ar, I $%4e? MRS! CHEVELEY! Y%u are n%' *%in* '% 4lun*e us in'% a
T$ere is n% dan*er, a' 4resen'@
<S$e n%ds '% LOR+ "ORIN", 5i'$ a l%%; %) a-use-en' in $er eyes, and *%es %u' 5i'$ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN" saun'ers %/er '% MA&EL CHILTERN!> MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u are /ery la'e@
Ha/e y%u -issed -e? A5)ully@
MA&EL CHILTERN!
LOR+ "ORIN"! T$en I a- s%rry I did n%' s'ay a5ay l%n*er! I li;e bein* -issed! MA&EL CHILTERN! H%5 /ery sel)is$ %) y%u@
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LOR+ "ORIN"!
I a- /ery sel)is$! Y%u are al5ays 'ellin* -e %) y%ur bad
MA&EL CHILTERN! 1uali'ies, L%rd "%rin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! Miss Mabel@
I $a/e %nly '%ld y%u $al) %) '$e- as ye', Are '$e %'$ers /ery bad? W$en I '$in; %) '$e- a'
MA&EL CHILTERN!
LOR+ "ORIN"! Cui'e dread)ul@ ni*$' I *% '% slee4 a' %nce!
MA&EL CHILTERN! Well, I deli*$' in y%ur bad 1uali'ies! 5%uldn.' $a/e y%u 4ar' 5i'$ %ne %) '$e-!
LOR+ "ORIN"! H%5 /ery nice %) y%u@ &u' '$en y%u are al5ays nice! &y '$e 5ay, I 5an' '% as; y%u a 1ues'i%n, Miss Mabel! W$% br%u*$' Mrs! C$e/eley $ere? T$a' 5%-an in $eli%'r%4e, 5$% $as Bus' *%ne %u' %) '$e r%%- 5i'$ y%ur br%'$er? MA&EL CHILTERN! d% y%u as;? LOR+ "ORIN"! O$, I '$in; Lady Mar;by br%u*$' $er! W$y
I $a/en.' seen $er )%r years, '$a' is all! W$a' an absurd reas%n@
MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"!
All reas%ns are absurd! W$a' s%r' %) a 5%-an is s$e?
MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! ni*$'@
O$@ a *enius in '$e day'i-e and a beau'y a' I disli;e $er already!
T$a' s$%5s y%ur ad-irable *%%d 'as'e!
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VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! <A44r%ac$in*!> A$, '$e En*lis$ y%un* lady is '$e dra*%n %) *%%d 'as'e, is s$e n%'? Cui'e '$e dra*%n %) *%%d 'as'e! LOR+ "ORIN"! S% '$e ne5s4a4ers are al5ays 'ellin* us! I read all y%ur En*lis$ ne5s4a4ers! I
VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! )ind '$es% a-usin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! be'5een '$e lines!
T$en, -y dear NanBac, y%u -us' cer'ainly read
VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! I s$%uld li;e '%, bu' -y 4r%)ess%r %bBec's! <T% MA&EL CHILTERN!> May I $a/e '$e 4leasure %) esc%r'in* y%u '% '$e -usic(r%%-, Made-%iselle? MA&EL CHILTERN! <L%%;in* /ery disa44%in'ed!> +eli*$'ed, Vic%-'e, 1ui'e deli*$'ed@ <Turnin* '% LOR+ "ORIN"!> Aren.' y%u c%-in* '% '$e -usic(r%%-? LOR+ "ORIN"! Mabel! N%' i) '$ere is any -usic *%in* %n, Miss <Se/erely!> T$e -usic is in "er-an! Y%u
MA&EL CHILTERN! 5%uld n%' unders'and i'!
<"%es %u' 5i'$ '$e VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! u4 '% $is s%n!>
LOR+ CAVERSHAM c%-es
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Well, sir@ 5$a' are y%u d%in* $ere? Was'in* y%ur li)e as usual@ Y%u s$%uld be in bed, sir! Y%u ;ee4 '%% la'e $%urs@ I $eard %) y%u '$e %'$er ni*$' a' Lady Ru))%rd.s dancin* 'ill )%ur %.cl%c; in '$e -%rnin*@ LOR+ "ORIN"! Only a 1uar'er '% )%ur, )a'$er!
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LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Can.' -a;e %u' $%5 y%u s'and L%nd%n S%cie'y! T$e '$in* $as *%ne '% '$e d%*s, a l%' %) da-ned n%b%dies 'al;in* ab%u' n%'$in*! LOR+ "ORIN"! I l%/e 'al;in* ab%u' n%'$in*, )a'$er! '$e %nly '$in* I ;n%5 any'$in* ab%u'! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! 4leasure! I' is
Y%u see- '% -e '% be li/in* en'irely )%r
LOR+ "ORIN"! W$a' else is '$ere '% li/e )%r, )a'$er? N%'$in* a*es li;e $a44iness! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! LOR+ "ORIN"! &asild%n@ Y%u are $ear'less, sir, /ery $ear'less@ "%%d e/enin*, Lady Are y%u
I $%4e n%', )a'$er!
LA+Y &ASIL+ON! <Arc$in* '5% 4re''y eyebr%5s!> $ere? I $ad n% idea y%u e/er ca-e '% 4%li'ical 4ar'ies@
LOR+ "ORIN"! I ad%re 4%li'ical 4ar'ies! T$ey are '$e %nly 4lace le)' '% us 5$ere 4e%4le d%n.' 'al; 4%li'ics! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! I deli*$' in 'al;in* 4%li'ics! I 'al; '$eall day l%n*! &u' I can.' bear lis'enin* '% '$e-! I d%n.' ;n%5 $%5 '$e un)%r'una'e -en in '$e H%use s'and '$ese l%n* deba'es! LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! &y ne/er lis'enin*! Really?
LOR+ "ORIN"! <In $is -%s' seri%us -anner!> O) c%urse! Y%u see, i' is a /ery dan*er%us '$in* '% lis'en! I) %ne lis'ens %ne -ay be c%n/incedA and a -an 5$% all%5s $i-sel) '% be c%n/inced by an
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ar*u-en' is a '$%r%u*$ly unreas%nable 4ers%n! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! A$@ '$a' acc%un's )%r s% -uc$ in -en '$a' I $a/e ne/er unders'%%d, and s% -uc$ in 5%-en '$a' '$eir $usbands ne/er a44recia'e in '$e-@ MRS! MARCHMONT! a44recia'e any'$in* in us! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! $a/e 5e n%'? <Wi'$ a si*$!> Our $usbands ne/er
We $a/e '% *% '% %'$ers )%r '$a'@ <E-4$a'ically!> Yes, al5ays '% %'$ers,
LOR+ "ORIN"! <S-ilin*!> And '$%se are '$e /ie5s %) '$e '5% ladies 5$% are ;n%5n '% $a/e '$e -%s' ad-irable $usbands in L%nd%n! MRS! MARCHMONT! T$a' is e=ac'ly 5$a' 5e can.' s'and! My Re*inald is 1ui'e $%4elessly )aul'less! He is really unendurably s%, a' 'i-es@ T$ere is n%' '$e s-alles' ele-en' %) e=ci'e-en' in ;n%5in* $i-! LOR+ "ORIN"! -%re 5idely ;n%5n@ H%5 'errible@ Really, '$e '$in* s$%uld be
LA+Y &ASIL+ON! &asild%n is 1ui'e as badA $e is as d%-es'ic as i) $e 5as a bac$el%r! MRS! MARCHMONT! <Pressin* LA+Y &ASIL+ON.S $and!> My 4%%r Oli/ia@ We $a/e -arried 4er)ec' $usbands, and 5e are 5ell 4unis$ed )%r i'! LOR+ "ORIN"! 5ere 4unis$ed! I s$%uld $a/e '$%u*$' i' 5as '$e $usbands 5$%
MRS! MARCHMONT! <+ra5in* $ersel) u4!> O$, dear n%@ T$ey are as $a44y as 4%ssible@ And as )%r 'rus'in* us, i' is 'ra*ic $%5 -uc$
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'$ey 'rus' us! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! LOR+ "ORIN"! Per)ec'ly 'ra*ic@ Or c%-ic, Lady &asild%n? H%5
LA+Y &ASIL+ON! Cer'ainly n%' c%-ic, L%rd "%rin*! un;ind %) y%u '% su**es' suc$ a '$in*@
MRS! MARCHMONT! I a- a)raid L%rd "%rin* is in '$e ca-4 %) '$e ene-y, as usual! I sa5 $i- 'al;in* '% '$a' Mrs! C$e/eley 5$en $e ca-e in! LOR+ "ORIN"! Hands%-e 5%-an, Mrs! C$e/eley@
LA+Y &ASIL+ON! <S'i))ly!> Please d%n.' 4raise %'$er 5%-en in %ur 4resence! Y%u -i*$' 5ai' )%r us '% d% '$a'@ LOR+ "ORIN"! I did 5ai'!
MRS! MARCHMONT! Well, 5e are n%' *%in* '% 4raise $er! I $ear s$e 5en' '% '$e O4era %n M%nday ni*$', and '%ld T%--y Ru))%rd a' su44er '$a', as )ar as s$e c%uld see, L%nd%n S%cie'y 5as en'irely -ade u4 %) d%5dies and dandies! LOR+ "ORIN"! S$e is 1ui'e ri*$', '%%! T$e -en are all d%5dies and '$e 5%-en are all dandies, aren.' '$ey? MRS! MARCHMONT! <A)'er a 4ause!> '$a' is 5$a' Mrs! C$e/eley -ean'? LOR+ "ORIN"! O) c%urse! Mrs! C$e/eley '% -a;e, '%%! <En'er MA&EL CHILTERN! MA&EL CHILTERN! E/eryb%dy O$@ d% y%u really '$in;
And a /ery sensible re-ar; )%r
S$e B%ins '$e *r%u4!>
W$y are y%u 'al;in* ab%u' Mrs! C$e/eley?
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is 'al;in* ab%u' Mrs! C$e/eley@ L%rd "%rin* says ( 5$a' did y%u say, L%rd "%rin*, ab%u' Mrs! C$e/eley? O$@ I re-e-ber, '$a' s$e 5as a *enius in '$e day'i-e and a beau'y a' ni*$'! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! unna'ural@ W$a' a $%rrid c%-bina'i%n@ S% /ery I li;e
MRS! MARCHMONT! <In $er -%s' drea-y -anner!> l%%;in* a' *eniuses, and lis'enin* '% beau'i)ul 4e%4le! LOR+ "ORIN"!
A$@ '$a' is -%rbid %) y%u, Mrs! Marc$-%n'@ <&ri*$'enin* '% a l%%; %) real 4leasure!> say '$a'! Marc$-%n' and I $a/e been
MRS! MARCHMONT! I a- s% *lad '% $ear y%u -arried )%r se/en years, and -%rbid! Men are s% 4ain)ully
$e $as ne/er %nce '%ld -e '$a' I 5as un%bser/an'@
LA+Y &ASIL+ON! <Turnin* '% $er!> I $a/e al5ays said, dear Mar*are', '$a' y%u 5ere '$e -%s' -%rbid 4ers%n in L%nd%n! MRS! MARCHMONT! A$@ bu' y%u are al5ays sy-4a'$e'ic, Oli/ia@
MA&EL CHILTERN! Is i' -%rbid '% $a/e a desire )%r )%%d? I $a/e a *rea' desire )%r )%%d! L%rd "%rin*, 5ill y%u *i/e -e s%-e su44er? LOR+ "ORIN"! $er!> Wi'$ 4leasure, Miss Mabel! <M%/es a5ay 5i'$ Y%u $a/e ne/er
MA&EL CHILTERN! H%5 $%rrid y%u $a/e been@ 'al;ed '% -e '$e 5$%le e/enin*@ LOR+ "ORIN"! di4l%-a'is'! H%5 c%uld I?
Y%u 5en' a5ay 5i'$ '$e c$ild(
MA&EL CHILTERN! Y%u -i*$' $a/e )%ll%5ed us! Pursui' 5%uld $a/e been %nly 4%li'e! I d%n.' '$in; I li;e y%u a' all '$is e/enin*@
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LOR+ "ORIN"!
I li;e y%u i--ensely!
MA&EL CHILTERN! Well, I 5is$ y%u.d s$%5 i' in a -%re -ar;ed 5ay@ <T$ey *% d%5ns'airs!> MRS! MARCHMONT! Oli/ia, I $a/e a curi%us )eelin* %) abs%lu'e )ain'ness! I '$in; I s$%uld li;e s%-e su44er /ery -uc$! ;n%5 I s$%uld li;e s%-e su44er! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! MRS! MARCHMONT! '$in; %) '$ese '$in*s! LA+Y &ASIL+ON!
I a- 4%si'i/ely dyin* )%r su44er, Mar*are'@ Men are s% $%rribly sel)is$, '$ey ne/er
Men are *r%ssly -a'erial, *r%ssly -a'erial@
<T$e VICOMTE +E NAN,AC en'ers )r%- '$e -usic(r%%- 5i'$ s%-e %'$er *ues's! A)'er $a/in* care)ully e=a-ined all '$e 4e%4le 4resen', $e a44r%ac$es LA+Y &ASIL+ON!> VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! d%5n '% su44er, C%-'esse? May I $a/e '$e $%n%ur %) 'a;in* y%u
LA+Y &ASIL+ON! <C%ldly!> I ne/er 'a;e su44er, '$an; y%u, Vic%-'e! <T$e VICOMTE is ab%u' '% re'ire! LA+Y &ASIL+ON, seein* '$is, rises a' %nce and 'a;es $is ar-!> &u' I 5ill c%-e d%5n 5i'$ y%u 5i'$ 4leasure! VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! En*lis$ in all -y 'as'es! LA+Y &ASIL+ON! En*lis$! I a- s% )%nd %) ea'in*@ I a- /ery
Y%u l%%; 1ui'e En*lis$, Vic%-'e, 1ui'e
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<T$ey 4ass %u'! MR! MONTFOR+, a 4er)ec'ly *r%%-ed y%un* dandy, a44r%ac$es MRS! MARCHMONT!> MR! MONTFOR+! Li;e s%-e su44er, Mrs! Marc$-%n'?
MRS! MARCHMONT! <Lan*uidly!> T$an; y%u, Mr! M%n')%rd, I ne/er '%uc$ su44er! <Rises $as'ily and 'a;es $is ar-!> &u' I 5ill si' beside y%u, and 5a'c$ y%u! MR! MONTFOR+! I aea'in*@ MRS! MARCHMONT! MR! MONTFOR+! I d%n.' ;n%5 '$a' I li;e bein* 5a'c$ed 5$en
T$en I 5ill 5a'c$ s%-e %ne else! I d%n.' ;n%5 '$a' I s$%uld li;e '$a' ei'$er!
MRS! MARCHMONT! <Se/erely!> Pray, Mr! M%n')%rd, d% n%' -a;e '$ese 4ain)ul scenes %) Beal%usy in 4ublic@ <T$ey *% d%5ns'airs 5i'$ '$e %'$er *ues's, 4assin* SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN and MRS! CHEVELEY, 5$% n%5 en'er!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! And are y%u *%in* '% any %) %ur c%un'ry $%uses be)%re y%u lea/e En*land, Mrs! C$e/eley? MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, n%@ I can.' s'and y%ur En*lis$ $%use( 4ar'ies! In En*land 4e%4le ac'ually 'ry '% be brillian' a' brea;)as'! T$a' is s% dread)ul %) '$e-@ Only dull 4e%4le are brillian' a' brea;)as'! And '$en '$e )a-ily s;ele'%n is al5ays readin* )a-ily 4rayers! My s'ay in En*land really de4ends %n y%u, Sir R%ber'! <Si's d%5n %n '$e s%)a!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Seri%usly? <Ta;in* a sea' beside $er!>
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MRS! CHEVELEY! Cui'e seri%usly! I 5an' '% 'al; '% y%u ab%u' a *rea' 4%li'ical and )inancial sc$e-e, ab%u' '$is Ar*en'ine Canal C%-4any, in )ac'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' a 'edi%us, 4rac'ical subBec' )%r y%u '% 'al; ab%u', Mrs! C$e/eley@ MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, I li;e 'edi%us, 4rac'ical subBec's! W$a' I d%n.' li;e are 'edi%us, 4rac'ical 4e%4le! T$ere is a 5ide di))erence! &esides, y%u are in'eres'ed, I ;n%5, in In'erna'i%nal Canal sc$e-es! Y%u 5ere L%rd Radley.s secre'ary, 5eren.' y%u, 5$en '$e "%/ern-en' b%u*$' '$e Sue2 Canal s$ares? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Yes! &u' '$e Sue2 Canal 5as a /ery *rea' and s4lendid under'a;in*! I' *a/e us %ur direc' r%u'e '% India! I' $ad i-4erial /alue! I' 5as necessary '$a' 5e s$%uld $a/e c%n'r%l! T$is Ar*en'ine sc$e-e is a c%--%n4lace S'%c; E=c$an*e s5indle! MRS! CHEVELEY! darin* s4ecula'i%n! A s4ecula'i%n, Sir R%ber'@ A brillian',
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! &elie/e -e, Mrs! C$e/eley, i' is a s5indle! Le' us call '$in*s by '$eir 4r%4er na-es! I' -a;es -a''ers si-4ler! We $a/e all '$e in)%r-a'i%n ab%u' i' a' '$e F%rei*n O))ice! In )ac', I sen' %u' a s4ecial C%--issi%n '% in1uire in'% '$e -a''er 4ri/a'ely, and '$ey re4%r' '$a' '$e 5%r;s are $ardly be*un, and as )%r '$e -%ney already subscribed, n% %ne see-s '% ;n%5 5$a' $as bec%-e %) i'! T$e 5$%le '$in* is a sec%nd Pana-a, and 5i'$ n%' a 1uar'er %) '$e c$ance
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%) success '$a' -iserable a))air e/er $ad! I $%4e y%u $a/e n%' in/es'ed in i'! I a- sure y%u are )ar '%% cle/er '% $a/e d%ne '$a'! MRS! CHEVELEY! I $a/e in/es'ed /ery lar*ely in i'! W$% c%uld $a/e ad/ised y%u '% d% suc$
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! a )%%lis$ '$in*? MRS! CHEVELEY!
Y%ur %ld )riend ( and -ine! W$%?
&ar%n Arn$ei-!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Fr%5nin*!> A$@ yes! I re-e-ber $earin*, a' '$e 'i-e %) $is dea'$, '$a' $e $ad been -i=ed u4 in '$e 5$%le a))air! MRS! CHEVELEY! '% d% $iBus'ice! I' 5as $is las' r%-ance! His las' bu' %ne,
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Risin*!> &u' y%u $a/e n%' seen -y C%r%'s ye'! T$ey are in '$e -usic(r%%-! C%r%'s see- '% *% 5i'$ -usic, d%n.' '$ey? May I s$%5 '$e- '% y%u? MRS! CHEVELEY! <S$a;in* $er $ead!> I a- n%' in a -%%d '%( ni*$' )%r sil/er '5ili*$'s, %r r%se(4in; da5ns! I 5an' '% 'al; business! <M%'i%ns '% $i- 5i'$ $er )an '% si' d%5n a*ain beside $er!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I )ear I $a/e n% ad/ice '% *i/e y%u, Mrs! C$e/eley, e=ce4' '% in'eres' y%ursel) in s%-e'$in* less dan*er%us! T$e success %) '$e Canal de4ends, %) c%urse, %n '$e a''i'ude %) En*land, and I a- *%in* '% lay '$e re4%r' %) '$e C%--issi%ners be)%re '$e H%use '%(-%rr%5 ni*$'!
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MRS! CHEVELEY! T$a' y%u -us' n%' d%! In y%ur %5n in'eres's, Sir R%ber', '% say n%'$in* %) -ine, y%u -us' n%' d% '$a'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <L%%;in* a' $er in 5%nder!> In -y %5n in'eres's? My dear Mrs! C$e/eley, 5$a' d% y%u -ean? <Si's d%5n beside $er!> MRS! CHEVELEY! Sir R%ber', I 5ill be 1ui'e )ran; 5i'$ y%u! I 5an' y%u '% 5i'$dra5 '$e re4%r' '$a' y%u $ad in'ended '% lay be)%re '$e H%use, %n '$e *r%und '$a' y%u $a/e reas%ns '% belie/e '$a' '$e C%--issi%ners $a/e been 4reBudiced %r -isin)%r-ed, %r s%-e'$in*! T$en I 5an' y%u '% say a )e5 5%rds '% '$e e))ec' '$a' '$e "%/ern-en' is *%in* '% rec%nsider '$e 1ues'i%n, and '$a' y%u $a/e reas%n '% belie/e '$a' '$e Canal, i) c%-4le'ed, 5ill be %) *rea' in'erna'i%nal /alue! Y%u ;n%5 '$e s%r' %) '$in*s -inis'ers say in cases %) '$is ;ind! A )e5 %rdinary 4la'i'udes 5ill d%! In -%dern li)e n%'$in* 4r%duces suc$ an e))ec' as a *%%d 4la'i'ude! I' -a;es '$e 5$%le 5%rld ;in! Will y%u d% '$a' )%r -e? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Mrs! C$e/eley, y%u cann%' be seri%us in -a;in* -e suc$ a 4r%4%si'i%n@ MRS! CHEVELEY! I a- 1ui'e seri%us! <C%ldly!> Pray all%5 -e '% belie/e
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$a' y%u are n%'!
MRS! CHEVELEY! <S4ea;in* 5i'$ *rea' delibera'i%n and e-4$asis!> A$@ bu' I a-! And i) y%u d% 5$a' I as; y%u, I ! ! ! 5ill 4ay y%u /ery $ands%-ely@
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! Yes!
Pay -e@
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! 5$a' y%u -ean!
I a- a)raid I d%n.' 1ui'e unders'and
MRS! CHEVELEY! <Leanin* bac; %n '$e s%)a and l%%;in* a' $i-!> H%5 /ery disa44%in'in*@ And I $a/e c%-e all '$e 5ay )r%Vienna in %rder '$a' y%u s$%uld '$%r%u*$ly unders'and -e! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I )ear I d%n.'!
MRS! CHEVELEY! <In $er -%s' n%nc$alan' -anner!> My dear Sir R%ber', y%u are a -an %) '$e 5%rld, and y%u $a/e y%ur 4rice, I su44%se! E/eryb%dy $as n%5adays! T$e dra5bac; is '$a' -%s' 4e%4le are s% dread)ully e=4ensi/e! I ;n%5 I a-! I $%4e y%u 5ill be -%re reas%nable in y%ur 'er-s! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Rises indi*nan'ly!> I) y%u 5ill all%5 -e, I 5ill call y%ur carria*e )%r y%u! Y%u $a/e li/ed s% l%n* abr%ad, Mrs! C$e/eley, '$a' y%u see- '% be unable '% realise '$a' y%u are 'al;in* '% an En*lis$ *en'le-an! MRS! CHEVELEY! <+e'ains $i- by '%uc$in* $is ar- 5i'$ $er )an, and ;ee4in* i' '$ere 5$ile s$e is 'al;in*!> I realise '$a' I a- 'al;in* '% a -an 5$% laid '$e )%unda'i%n %) $is )%r'une by sellin* '% a S'%c; E=c$an*e s4ecula'%r a Cabine' secre'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! ;n%5 '$e real <&i'in* $is li4!> W$a' d% y%u -ean? I -ean '$a' I
<Risin* and )acin* $i-!>
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%ri*in %) y%ur 5eal'$ and y%ur career, and I $a/e *%' y%ur le''er, '%%! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' le''er?
MRS! CHEVELEY! <C%n'e-4'u%usly!> T$e le''er y%u 5r%'e '% &ar%n Arn$ei-, 5$en y%u 5ere L%rd Radley.s secre'ary, 'ellin* '$e &ar%n '% buy Sue2 Canal s$ares ( a le''er 5ri''en '$ree days be)%re '$e "%/ern-en' ann%unced i's %5n 4urc$ase! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <H%arsely!> I' is n%' 'rue!
MRS! CHEVELEY! Y%u '$%u*$' '$a' le''er $ad been des'r%yed! H%5 )%%lis$ %) y%u@ I' is in -y 4%ssessi%n! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$e a))air '% 5$ic$ y%u allude 5as n% -%re '$an a s4ecula'i%n! T$e H%use %) C%--%ns $ad n%' ye' 4assed '$e billA i' -i*$' $a/e been reBec'ed! MRS! CHEVELEY! I' 5as a s5indle, Sir R%ber'! Le' us call '$in*s by '$eir 4r%4er na-es! I' -a;es e/ery'$in* si-4ler! And n%5 I a- *%in* '% sell y%u '$a' le''er, and '$e 4rice I as; )%r i' is y%ur 4ublic su44%r' %) '$e Ar*en'ine sc$e-e! Y%u -ade y%ur %5n )%r'une %u' %) %ne canal! Y%u -us' $el4 -e and -y )riends '% -a;e %ur )%r'unes %u' %) an%'$er@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! in)a-%us@ I' is in)a-%us, 5$a' y%u 4r%4%se (
MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, n%@ T$is is '$e *a-e %) li)e as 5e all $a/e '% 4lay i', Sir R%ber', s%%ner %r la'er@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I cann%' d% 5$a' y%u as; -e!
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MRS! CHEVELEY! Y%u -ean y%u cann%' $el4 d%in* i'! Y%u ;n%5 y%u are s'andin* %n '$e ed*e %) a 4reci4ice! And i' is n%' )%r y%u '% -a;e 'er-s! I' is )%r y%u '% acce4' '$e-! Su44%sin* y%u re)use ( SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' '$en?
MRS! CHEVELEY! My dear Sir R%ber', 5$a' '$en? Y%u are ruined, '$a' is all@ Re-e-ber '% 5$a' a 4%in' y%ur Puri'anis- in En*land $as br%u*$' y%u! In %ld days n%b%dy 4re'ended '% be a bi' be''er '$an $is nei*$b%urs! In )ac', '% be a bi' be''er '$an %ne.s nei*$b%ur 5as c%nsidered e=cessi/ely /ul*ar and -iddle(class! N%5adays, 5i'$ %ur -%dern -ania )%r -%rali'y, e/ery %ne $as '% 4%se as a 4ara*%n %) 4uri'y, inc%rru4'ibili'y, and all '$e %'$er se/en deadly /ir'ues ( and 5$a' is '$e resul'? Y%u all *% %/er li;e nine4ins ( %ne a)'er '$e %'$er! N%' a year 4asses in En*land 5i'$%u' s%-eb%dy disa44earin*! Scandals used '% lend c$ar-, %r a' leas' in'eres', '% a -an ( n%5 '$ey crus$ $i-! And y%urs is a /ery nas'y scandal! Y%u c%uldn.' sur/i/e i'! I) i' 5ere ;n%5n '$a' as a y%un* -an, secre'ary '% a *rea' and i-4%r'an' -inis'er, y%u s%ld a Cabine' secre' )%r a lar*e su- %) -%ney, and '$a' '$a' 5as '$e %ri*in %) y%ur 5eal'$ and career, y%u 5%uld be $%unded %u' %) 4ublic li)e, y%u 5%uld disa44ear c%-4le'ely! And a)'er all, Sir R%ber', 5$y s$%uld y%u sacri)ice y%ur en'ire )u'ure ra'$er '$an deal di4l%-a'ically 5i'$ y%ur ene-y? F%r '$e -%-en' I a- y%ur ene-y! I ad-i' i'@ And I a- -uc$ s'r%n*er '$an y%u are! T$e bi* ba''ali%ns are %n -y side! Y%u $a/e a s4lendid 4%si'i%n, bu' i' is y%ur s4lendid 4%si'i%n '$a' -a;es y%u s%
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/ulnerable! Y%u can.' de)end i'@ And I a- in a''ac;! O) c%urse I $a/e n%' 'al;ed -%rali'y '% y%u! Y%u -us' ad-i' in )airness '$a' I $a/e s4ared y%u '$a'! Years a*% y%u did a cle/er, unscru4ul%us '$in*A i' 'urned %u' a *rea' success! Y%u %5e '% i' y%ur )%r'une and 4%si'i%n! And n%5 y%u $a/e *%' '% 4ay )%r i'! S%%ner %r la'er 5e $a/e all '% 4ay )%r 5$a' 5e d%! Y%u $a/e '% 4ay n%5! &e)%re I lea/e y%u '%(ni*$', y%u $a/e *%' '% 4r%-ise -e '% su44ress y%ur re4%r', and '% s4ea; in '$e H%use in )a/%ur %) '$is sc$e-e! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' y%u as; is i-4%ssible!
MRS! CHEVELEY! Y%u -us' -a;e i' 4%ssible! Y%u are *%in* '% -a;e i' 4%ssible! Sir R%ber', y%u ;n%5 5$a' y%ur En*lis$ ne5s4a4ers are li;e! Su44%se '$a' 5$en I lea/e '$is $%use I dri/e d%5n '% s%-e ne5s4a4er %))ice, and *i/e '$e- '$is scandal and '$e 4r%%)s %) i'@ T$in; %) '$eir l%a'$s%-e B%y, %) '$e deli*$' '$ey 5%uld $a/e in dra**in* y%u d%5n, %) '$e -ud and -ire '$ey 5%uld 4lun*e y%u in! T$in; %) '$e $y4%cri'e 5i'$ $is *reasy s-ile 4ennin* $is leadin* ar'icle, and arran*in* '$e )%ulness %) '$e 4ublic 4lacard! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! S'%4@ Y%u 5an' -e '% 5i'$dra5 '$e re4%r' and '% -a;e a s$%r' s4eec$ s'a'in* '$a' I belie/e '$ere are 4%ssibili'ies in '$e sc$e-e? MRS! CHEVELEY! 'er-s! <Si''in* d%5n %n '$e s%)a!> <In a l%5 /%ice!> T$%se are -y
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! any su- %) -%ney y%u 5an'!
I 5ill *i/e y%u
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MRS! CHEVELEY! E/en y%u are n%' ric$ en%u*$, Sir R%ber', '% buy bac; y%ur 4as'! N% -an is! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! 5ill n%'! MRS! CHEVELEY! )r%- '$e s%)a!> I 5ill n%' d% 5$a' y%u as; -e! I
Y%u $a/e '%!
I) y%u d%n.' ! ! ! <Rises
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <&e5ildered and unner/ed!> Wai' a -%-en'@ W$a' did y%u 4r%4%se? Y%u said '$a' y%u 5%uld *i/e -e bac; -y le''er, didn.' y%u? MRS! CHEVELEY! Yes! T$a' is a*reed! I 5ill be in '$e Ladies. "allery '%(-%rr%5 ni*$' a' $al)(4as' ele/en! I) by '$a' 'i-e ( and y%u 5ill $a/e $ad $ea4s %) %44%r'uni'y ( y%u $a/e -ade an ann%unce-en' '% '$e H%use in '$e 'er-s I 5is$, I s$all $and y%u bac; y%ur le''er 5i'$ '$e 4re''ies' '$an;s, and '$e bes', %r a' any ra'e '$e -%s' sui'able, c%-4li-en' I can '$in; %)! I in'end '% 4lay 1ui'e )airly 5i'$ y%u! One s$%uld al5ays 4lay )airly ! ! ! 5$en %ne $as '$e 5innin* cards! T$e &ar%n 'au*$' -e '$a' ! ! ! a-%n*s' %'$er '$in*s! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! y%ur 4r%4%sal! MRS! CHEVELEY! Y%u -us' le' -e $a/e 'i-e '% c%nsider
N%A y%u -us' se''le n%5@ "i/e -e a 5ee; ( '$ree days@ I $a/e *%' '% 'ele*ra4$ '%
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! Vienna '%( ni*$'!
I-4%ssible@
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!
My "%d@ 5$a' br%u*$' y%u in'% -y li)e?
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MRS! CHEVELEY!
Circu-s'ances!
<M%/es '%5ards '$e d%%r!>
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! +%n.' *%! I c%nsen'! T$e re4%r' s$all be 5i'$dra5n! I 5ill arran*e )%r a 1ues'i%n '% be 4u' '% -e %n '$e subBec'! MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an; y%u! I ;ne5 5e s$%uld c%-e '% an a-icable a*ree-en'! I unders'%%d y%ur na'ure )r%- '$e )irs'! I analysed y%u, '$%u*$ y%u did n%' ad%re -e! And n%5 y%u can *e' -y carria*e )%r -e, Sir R%ber'! I see '$e 4e%4le c%-in* u4 )r%- su44er, and En*lis$-en al5ays *e' r%-an'ic a)'er a -eal, and '$a' b%res -e dread)ully! <E=i' SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!> <En'er "ues's, LA+Y CHILTERN, LA+Y MAR &Y, LOR+ CAVERSHAM, LA+Y &ASIL+ON, MRS! MARCHMONT, VICOMTE +E NAN,AC, MR! MONTFOR+!> LA+Y MAR &Y! Well, dear Mrs! C$e/eley, I $%4e y%u $a/e enB%yed y%ursel)! Sir R%ber' is /ery en'er'ainin*, is $e n%'? MRS! CHEVELEY! 5i'$ $ii--ensely! M%s' en'er'ainin*@ I $a/e enB%yed -y 'al;
LA+Y MAR &Y! He $as $ad a /ery in'eres'in* and brillian' career! And $e $as -arried a -%s' ad-irable 5i)e! Lady C$il'ern is a 5%-an %) '$e /ery $i*$es' 4rinci4les, I a- *lad '% say! I a- a li''le '%% %ld n%5, -ysel), '% 'r%uble ab%u' se''in* a *%%d e=a-4le, bu' I al5ays ad-ire 4e%4le 5$% d%! And Lady C$il'ern $as a /ery enn%blin* e))ec' %n li)e, '$%u*$ $er dinner(4ar'ies are ra'$er dull s%-e'i-es! &u' %ne can.' $a/e e/ery'$in*, can %ne? And n%5 I -us' *%, dear!
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S$all I call )%r y%u '%(-%rr%5? MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an;s!
LA+Y MAR &Y! We -i*$' dri/e in '$e Par; a' )i/e! E/ery'$in* l%%;s s% )res$ in '$e Par; n%5@ MRS! CHEVELEY! E=ce4' '$e 4e%4le@
LA+Y MAR &Y! Per$a4s '$e 4e%4le are a li''le Baded! I $a/e %)'en %bser/ed '$a' '$e Seas%n as i' *%es %n 4r%duces a ;ind %) s%)'enin* %) '$e brain! H%5e/er, I '$in; any'$in* is be''er '$an $i*$ in'ellec'ual 4ressure! T$a' is '$e -%s' unbec%-in* '$in* '$ere is! I' -a;es '$e n%ses %) '$e y%un* *irls s% 4ar'icularly lar*e! And '$ere is n%'$in* s% di))icul' '% -arry as a lar*e n%seA -en d%n.' li;e '$e-! "%%d(ni*$', dear@ <T% LA+Y CHILTERN!> "%%d( ni*$', "er'rude@ <"%es %u' %n LOR+ CAVERSHAM.S ar-!> MRS! CHEVELEY! W$a' a c$ar-in* $%use y%u $a/e, Lady C$il'ern@ I $a/e s4en' a deli*$')ul e/enin*! I' $as been s% in'eres'in* *e''in* '% ;n%5 y%ur $usband! LA+Y CHILTERN! C$e/eley? W$y did y%u 5is$ '% -ee' -y $usband, Mrs!
MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, I 5ill 'ell y%u! I 5an'ed '% in'eres' $i- in '$is Ar*en'ine Canal sc$e-e, %) 5$ic$ I dare say y%u $a/e $eard! And I )%und $i- -%s' susce4'ible, ( susce4'ible '% reas%n, I -ean! A rare '$in* in a -an! I c%n/er'ed $i- in 'en -inu'es! He is *%in* '% -a;e a s4eec$ in '$e H%use '%(-%rr%5 ni*$' in )a/%ur %) '$e idea! We -us' *% '% '$e Ladies. "allery and $ear $i-@ I' 5ill be a *rea' %ccasi%n@
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LA+Y CHILTERN! T$ere -us' be s%-e -is'a;e! c%uld ne/er $a/e -y $usband.s su44%r'!
T$a' sc$e-e
MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, I assure y%u i'.s all se''led! I d%n.' re*re' -y 'edi%us B%urney )r%- Vienna n%5! I' $as been a *rea' success! &u', %) c%urse, )%r '$e ne=' '5en'y()%ur $%urs '$e 5$%le '$in* is a dead secre'! LA+Y CHILTERN! <"en'ly!> A secre'? &e'5een 5$%-?
MRS! CHEVELEY! <Wi'$ a )las$ %) a-use-en' in $er eyes!> &e'5een y%ur $usband and -ysel)! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! C$e/eley@ <En'erin*!> Y%ur carria*e is $ere, M-
MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an;s@ "%%d e/enin*, Lady C$il'ern@ "%%d(ni*$', L%rd "%rin*@ I a- a' Clarid*e.s! +%n.' y%u '$in; y%u -i*$' lea/e a card? LOR+ "ORIN"! I) y%u 5is$ i', Mrs! C$e/eley@
MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, d%n.' be s% s%le-n ab%u' i', %r I s$all be %bli*ed '% lea/e a card %n y%u! In En*land I su44%se '$a' 5%uld $ardly be c%nsidered EN RE"LE! Abr%ad, 5e are -%re ci/ilised! Will y%u see -e d%5n, Sir R%ber'? N%5 '$a' 5e $a/e b%'$ '$e sa-e in'eres's a' $ear' 5e s$all be *rea' )riends, I $%4e@ <Sails %u' %n SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN.S ar-! LA+Y CHILTERN *%es '% '$e '%4 %) '$e s'aircase and l%%;s d%5n a' '$e- as '$ey descend! Her e=4ressi%n is 'r%ubled! A)'er a li''le 'i-e s$e is B%ined by s%-e %) '$e *ues's, and 4asses 5i'$ '$e- in'% an%'$er rece4'i%n( r%%-!>
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W$a' a $%rrid 5%-an@
Y%u s$%uld *% '% bed, Miss Mabel! L%rd "%rin*@
MA&EL CHILTERN!
LOR+ "ORIN"! My )a'$er '%ld -e '% *% '% bed an $%ur a*%! I d%n.' see 5$y I s$%uldn.' *i/e y%u '$e sa-e ad/ice! I al5ays 4ass %n *%%d ad/ice! I' is '$e %nly '$in* '% d% 5i'$ i'! I' is ne/er %) any use '% %nesel)! MA&EL CHILTERN! L%rd "%rin*, y%u are al5ays %rderin* -e %u' %) '$e r%%-! I '$in; i' -%s' c%ura*e%us %) y%u! Es4ecially as I a- n%' *%in* '% bed )%r $%urs! <"%es %/er '% '$e s%)a!> Y%u can c%-e and si' d%5n i) y%u li;e, and 'al; ab%u' any'$in* in '$e 5%rld, e=ce4' '$e R%yal Acade-y, Mrs! C$e/eley, %r n%/els in Sc%'c$ dialec'! T$ey are n%' i-4r%/in* subBec's! <Ca'c$es si*$' %) s%-e'$in* '$a' is lyin* %n '$e s%)a $al) $idden by '$e cus$i%n!> W$a' is '$is? S%-e %ne $as dr%44ed a dia-%nd br%%c$@ Cui'e beau'i)ul, isn.' i'? <S$%5s i' '% $i-!> I 5is$ i' 5as -ine, bu' "er'rude 5%n.' le' -e 5ear any'$in* bu' 4earls, and I a- '$%r%u*$ly sic; %) 4earls! T$ey -a;e %ne l%%; s% 4lain, s% *%%d and s% in'ellec'ual! I 5%nder 5$%- '$e br%%c$ bel%n*s '%! LOR+ "ORIN"! I 5%nder 5$% dr%44ed i'! I' is a beau'i)ul br%%c$!
I' is a $ands%-e bracele'! I' isn.' a bracele'! I'.s a br%%c$!
MA&EL CHILTERN!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! I' can be used as a bracele'! <Ta;es i' )r%$er, and, 4ullin* %u' a *reen le''er(case, 4u's '$e %rna-en' care)ully in i', and re4laces '$e 5$%le '$in* in $is breas'(4%c;e' 5i'$ '$e -%s' 4er)ec' san* )r%id!> MA&EL CHILTERN! W$a' are y%u d%in*?
LOR+ "ORIN"! Miss Mabel, I a- *%in* '% -a;e a ra'$er s'ran*e re1ues' '% y%u! MA&EL CHILTERN! <Ea*erly!> 5ai'in* )%r i' all '$e e/enin*! O$, 4ray d%@ I $a/e been
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Is a li''le 'a;en abac;, bu' rec%/ers $i-sel)!> +%n.' -en'i%n '% anyb%dy '$a' I $a/e 'a;en c$ar*e %) '$is br%%c$! S$%uld any %ne 5ri'e and clai- i', le' -e ;n%5 a' %nce! MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! %nce, years a*%! T$a' is a s'ran*e re1ues'!
Well, y%u see I *a/e '$is br%%c$ '% s%-eb%dy
Y%u did?
Yes! T$e %'$er *ues's $a/e *%ne!>
<LA+Y CHILTERN en'ers al%ne!
MA&EL CHILTERN! T$en I s$all cer'ainly bid y%u *%%d(ni*$'! "%%d( ni*$', "er'rude@ <E=i'!> LA+Y CHILTERN! "%%d(ni*$', dear@ <T% LOR+ "ORIN"!> sa5 5$%Lady Mar;by br%u*$' $ere '%(ni*$'? LOR+ "ORIN"! did s$e c%-e $ere )%r? Yes! I' 5as an un4leasan' sur4rise! Y%u
W$a'
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LA+Y CHILTERN! A44aren'ly '% 'ry and lure R%ber' '% u4$%ld s%-e )raudulen' sc$e-e in 5$ic$ s$e is in'eres'ed! T$e Ar*en'ine Canal, in )ac'! LOR+ "ORIN"! S$e $as -is'a;en $er -an, $asn.' s$e?
LA+Y CHILTERN! S$e is inca4able %) unders'andin* an u4ri*$' na'ure li;e -y $usband.s@ LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes! I s$%uld )ancy s$e ca-e '% *rie) i) s$e 'ried '% *e' R%ber' in'% $er '%ils! I' is e='ra%rdinary 5$a' as'%undin* -is'a;es cle/er 5%-en -a;e! LA+Y CHILTERN! call '$es'u4id@ LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! I d%n.' call 5%-en %) '$a' ;ind cle/er! I
Sa-e '$in* %)'en! "%%d(ni*$'@
"%%d(ni*$', Lady C$il'ern@
<En'er SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! +% s'%4 a li''le@ My dear Ar'$ur, y%u are n%' *%in*?
LOR+ "ORIN"! A)raid I can.', '$an;s! I $a/e 4r%-ised '% l%%; in a' '$e Har'l%c;s.! I belie/e '$ey $a/e *%' a -au/e Hun*arian band '$a' 4lays -au/e Hun*arian -usic! See y%u s%%n! "%%d(bye@ <E=i'> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "er'rude@ LA+Y CHILTERN! *%in* '% H%5 beau'i)ul y%u l%%; '%(ni*$', Y%u are n%'
R%ber', i' is n%' 'rue, is i'?
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lend y%ur su44%r' '% '$is Ar*en'ine s4ecula'i%n? c%uldn.'@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '% d% s%? <S'ar'in*!>
Y%u
W$% '%ld y%u I in'ended
LA+Y CHILTERN! T$a' 5%-an 5$% $as Bus' *%ne %u', Mrs! C$e/eley, as s$e calls $ersel) n%5! S$e see-ed '% 'aun' -e 5i'$ i'! R%ber', I ;n%5 '$is 5%-an! Y%u d%n.'! We 5ere a' sc$%%l '%*e'$er! S$e 5as un'ru'$)ul, dis$%nes', an e/il in)luence %n e/ery %ne 5$%se 'rus' %r )riends$i4 s$e c%uld 5in! I $a'ed, I des4ised $er! S$e s'%le '$in*s, s$e 5as a '$ie)! S$e 5as sen' a5ay )%r bein* a '$ie)! W$y d% y%u le' $er in)luence y%u? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "er'rude, 5$a' y%u 'ell -e -ay be 'rue, bu' i' $a44ened -any years a*%! I' is bes' )%r*%''en@ Mrs! C$e/eley -ay $a/e c$an*ed since '$en! N% %ne s$%uld be en'irely Bud*ed by '$eir 4as'! LA+Y CHILTERN! <Sadly!> One.s 4as' is 5$a' %ne is! '$e %nly 5ay by 5$ic$ 4e%4le s$%uld be Bud*ed! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$a' is a $ard sayin*, "er'rude@ I' is
LA+Y CHILTERN! I' is a 'rue sayin*, R%ber'! And 5$a' did s$e -ean by b%as'in* '$a' s$e $ad *%' y%u '% lend y%ur su44%r', y%ur na-e, '% a '$in* I $a/e $eard y%u describe as '$e -%s' dis$%nes' and )raudulen' sc$e-e '$ere $as e/er been in 4%li'ical li)e? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <&i'in* $is li4!> '$e /ie5 I '%%;! We all -ay -a;e -is'a;es! LA+Y CHILTERN! recei/ed '$e I 5as -is'a;en in
&u' y%u '%ld -e yes'erday '$a' y%u $ad
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re4%r' )r%- '$e C%--issi%n, and '$a' i' en'irely c%nde-ned '$e 5$%le '$in*! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Wal;in* u4 and d%5n!> I $a/e reas%ns n%5 '% belie/e '$a' '$e C%--issi%n 5as 4reBudiced, %r, a' any ra'e, -isin)%r-ed! &esides, "er'rude, 4ublic and 4ri/a'e li)e are di))eren' '$in*s! T$ey $a/e di))eren' la5s, and -%/e %n di))eren' lines! LA+Y CHILTERN! T$ey s$%uld b%'$ re4resen' -an a' $is $i*$es'! I see n% di))erence be'5een '$e-! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <S'%44in*!> In '$e 4resen' case, %n a -a''er %) 4rac'ical 4%li'ics, I $a/e c$an*ed -y -ind! T$a' is all! LA+Y CHILTERN! All@ <S'ernly!> Yes@
LA+Y CHILTERN! R%ber'@ O$@ i' is $%rrible '$a' I s$%uld $a/e '% as; y%u suc$ a 1ues'i%n ( R%ber', are y%u 'ellin* -e '$e 5$%le 'ru'$? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! W$y d% y%u as; -e suc$ a 1ues'i%n? W$y d% y%u n%' ans5er i'?
<A)'er a 4ause!>
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Si''in* d%5n!> "er'rude, 'ru'$ is a /ery c%-4le= '$in*, and 4%li'ics is a /ery c%-4le= business! T$ere are 5$eels 5i'$in 5$eels! One -ay be under cer'ain %bli*a'i%ns '% 4e%4le '$a' %ne -us' 4ay! S%%ner %r la'er in 4%li'ical li)e %ne $as '% c%-4r%-ise! E/ery %ne d%es! LA+Y CHILTERN! C%-4r%-ise? R%ber', 5$y d% y%u 'al; s% di))eren'ly '%(ni*$' )r%- '$e 5ay I $a/e al5ays $eard y%u 'al;? W$y are y%u
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c$an*ed? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! al'er '$in*s! LA+Y CHILTERN! I a- n%' c$an*ed! &u' circu-s'ances
Circu-s'ances s$%uld ne/er al'er 4rinci4les@ &u' i) I '%ld y%u (
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! W$a'?
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! necessary?
T$a' i' 5as necessary, /i'ally
LA+Y CHILTERN! I' can ne/er be necessary '% d% 5$a' is n%' $%n%urable! Or i) i' be necessary, '$en 5$a' is i' '$a' I $a/e l%/ed@ &u' i' is n%', R%ber'A 'ell -e i' is n%'! W$y s$%uld i' be? W$a' *ain 5%uld y%u *e' ? M%ney? We $a/e n% need %) '$a'@ And -%ney '$a' c%-es )r%- a 'ain'ed s%urce is a de*rada'i%n! P%5er? &u' 4%5er is n%'$in* in i'sel)! I' is 4%5er '% d% *%%d '$a' is )ine ( '$a', and '$a' %nly! W$a' is i', '$en? R%ber', 'ell -e 5$y y%u are *%in* '% d% '$is dis$%n%urable '$in*@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "er'rude, y%u $a/e n% ri*$' '% use '$a' 5%rd! I '%ld y%u i' 5as a 1ues'i%n %) ra'i%nal c%-4r%-ise! I' is n% -%re '$an '$a'! LA+Y CHILTERN! R%ber', '$a' is all /ery 5ell )%r %'$er -en, )%r -en 5$% 'rea' li)e si-4ly as a s%rdid s4ecula'i%nA bu' n%' )%r y%u, R%ber', n%' )%r y%u! Y%u are di))eren'! All y%ur li)e y%u $a/e s'%%d a4ar' )r%- %'$ers! Y%u $a/e ne/er le' '$e 5%rld s%il y%u! T% '$e 5%rld, as '% -ysel), y%u $a/e been an ideal al5ays! O$@ be '$a'
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ideal s'ill! T$a' *rea' in$eri'ance '$r%5 n%' a5ay ( '$a' '%5er %) i/%ry d% n%' des'r%y! R%ber', -en can l%/e 5$a' is benea'$ '$e- ( '$in*s un5%r'$y, s'ained, dis$%n%ured! We 5%-en 5%rs$i4 5$en 5e l%/eA and 5$en 5e l%se %ur 5%rs$i4, 5e l%se e/ery'$in*! O$@ d%n.' ;ill -y l%/e )%r y%u, d%n.' ;ill '$a'@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "er'rude@
LA+Y CHILTERN! I ;n%5 '$a' '$ere are -en 5i'$ $%rrible secre's in '$eir li/es ( -en 5$% $a/e d%ne s%-e s$a-e)ul '$in*, and 5$% in s%-e cri'ical -%-en' $a/e '% 4ay )%r i', by d%in* s%-e %'$er ac' %) s$a-e ( %$@ d%n.' 'ell -e y%u are suc$ as '$ey are@ R%ber', is '$ere in y%ur li)e any secre' dis$%n%ur %r dis*race? Tell -e, 'ell -e a' %nce, '$a' ( SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! dri)' a4ar'! T$a' 5$a'? T$a' %ur li/es -ay
<S4ea;in* /ery sl%5ly!>
+ri)' a4ar'? I'
LA+Y CHILTERN! T$a' '$ey -ay be en'irely se4ara'e! 5%uld be be''er )%r us b%'$! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! li)e '$a' y%u -i*$' n%' ;n%5!
"er'rude, '$ere is n%'$in* in -y 4as'
LA+Y CHILTERN! I 5as sure %) i', R%ber', I 5as sure %) i'! &u' 5$y did y%u say '$%se dread)ul '$in*s, '$in*s s% unli;e y%ur real sel)? +%n.' le' us e/er 'al; ab%u' '$e subBec' a*ain! Y%u 5ill 5ri'e,
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5%n.' y%u, '% Mrs! C$e/eley, and 'ell $er '$a' y%u cann%' su44%r' '$is scandal%us sc$e-e %) $ers? I) y%u $a/e *i/en $er any 4r%-ise y%u -us' 'a;e i' bac;, '$a' is all@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! Mus' I 5ri'e and 'ell $er '$a'? W$a' else is '$ere '% d%? I' 5%uld
Surely, R%ber'@
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! be be''er!
I -i*$' see $er 4ers%nally!
LA+Y CHILTERN! Y%u -us' ne/er see $er a*ain, R%ber'! S$e is n%' a 5%-an y%u s$%uld e/er s4ea; '%! S$e is n%' 5%r'$y '% 'al; '% a -an li;e y%u! N%A y%u -us' 5ri'e '% $er a' %nce, n%5, '$is -%-en', and le' y%ur le''er s$%5 $er '$a' y%ur decisi%n is 1ui'e irre/%cable@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! Yes! &u' i' is s% la'e! I' is cl%se %n Wri'e '$is -%-en'@
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '5el/e!
LA+Y CHILTERN! T$a' -a;es n% -a''er! S$e -us' ;n%5 a' %nce '$a' s$e $as been -is'a;en in y%u ( and '$a' y%u are n%' a -an '% d% any'$in* base %r under$and %r dis$%n%urable! Wri'e $ere, R%ber'! Wri'e '$a' y%u decline '% su44%r' '$is sc$e-e %) $ers, as y%u $%ld i' '% be a dis$%nes' sc$e-e! Yes ( 5ri'e '$e 5%rd dis$%nes'! S$e ;n%5s 5$a' '$a' 5%rd -eans! <SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN si's d%5n and 5ri'es a le''er! His 5i)e 'a;es i' u4 and reads i'!> YesA '$a' 5ill d%! <Rin*s bell!> And n%5 '$e en/el%4e! <He 5ri'es '$e en/el%4e sl%5ly! En'er
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MASON!> Ha/e '$is le''er sen' a' %nce '% Clarid*e.s H%'el! T$ere is n% ans5er! <E=i' MASON! LA+Y CHILTERN ;neels d%5n beside $er $usband, and 4u's $er ar-s ar%und $i-!> R%ber', l%/e *i/es %ne an ins'inc' '% '$in*s! I )eel '%(ni*$' '$a' I $a/e sa/ed y%u )r%s%-e'$in* '$a' -i*$' $a/e been a dan*er '% y%u, )r%s%-e'$in* '$a' -i*$' $a/e -ade -en $%n%ur y%u less '$an '$ey d%! I d%n.' '$in; y%u realise su))icien'ly, R%ber', '$a' y%u $a/e br%u*$' in'% '$e 4%li'ical li)e %) %ur 'i-e a n%bler a'-%s4$ere, a )iner a''i'ude '%5ards li)e, a )reer air %) 4urer ai-s and $i*$er ideals ( I ;n%5 i', and )%r '$a' I l%/e y%u, R%ber'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! al5ays@ O$, l%/e -e al5ays, "er'rude, l%/e -e
LA+Y CHILTERN! I 5ill l%/e y%u al5ays, because y%u 5ill al5ays be 5%r'$y %) l%/e! We needs -us' l%/e '$e $i*$es' 5$en 5e see i'@ < isses $i- and rises and *%es %u'!> <SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN 5al;s u4 and d%5n )%r a -%-en'A '$en si's d%5n and buries $is )ace in $is $ands! T$e Ser/an' en'ers and be*ins 4ullin* %u' '$e li*$'s! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN l%%;s u4!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$e li*$'s@ Pu' %u' '$e li*$'s, Mas%n, 4u' %u'
<T$e Ser/an' 4u's %u' '$e li*$'s! T$e r%%- bec%-es al-%s' dar;! T$e %nly li*$' '$ere is c%-es )r%- '$e *rea' c$andelier '$a' $an*s %/er '$e s'aircase and illu-ines '$e 'a4es'ry %) '$e Triu-4$ %) L%/e!> ACT +ROP
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SECON+ ACT
SCENE M%rnin*(r%%- a' Sir R%ber' C$il'ern.s $%use! <LOR+ "ORIN", dressed in '$e $ei*$' %) )as$i%n, is l%un*in* in an ar-c$air! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN is s'andin* in )r%n' %) '$e )ire4lace! He is e/iden'ly in a s'a'e %) *rea' -en'al e=ci'e-en' and dis'ress! As '$e scene 4r%*resses $e 4aces ner/%usly u4 and d%5n '$e r%%-!> LOR+ "ORIN"! My dear R%ber', i'.s a /ery a5;5ard business, /ery a5;5ard indeed! Y%u s$%uld $a/e '%ld y%ur 5i)e '$e 5$%le '$in*! Secre's )r%- %'$er 4e%4le.s 5i/es are a necessary lu=ury in -%dern li)e! S%, a' leas', I a- al5ays '%ld a' '$e club by 4e%4le 5$% are bald en%u*$ '% ;n%5 be''er! &u' n% -an s$%uld $a/e a secre' )r%- $is %5n 5i)e! S$e in/ariably )inds i' %u'! W%-en $a/e a 5%nder)ul ins'inc' ab%u' '$in*s! T$ey can disc%/er e/ery'$in* e=ce4' '$e %b/i%us! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Ar'$ur, I c%uldn.' 'ell -y 5i)e! W$en c%uld I $a/e '%ld $er? N%' las' ni*$'! I' 5%uld $a/e -ade a li)e( l%n* se4ara'i%n be'5een us, and I 5%uld $a/e l%s' '$e l%/e %) '$e %ne 5%-an in '$e 5%rld I 5%rs$i4, %) '$e %nly 5%-an 5$% $as e/er s'irred l%/e 5i'$in -e! Las' ni*$' i' 5%uld $a/e been 1ui'e i-4%ssible! S$e 5%uld $a/e 'urned )r%- -e in $%rr%r ! ! ! in $%rr%r and in c%n'e-4'!
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LOR+ "ORIN"!
Is Lady C$il'ern as 4er)ec' as all '$a'? YesA -y 5i)e is as 4er)ec' as all
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$a'!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Ta;in* %)) $is le)'($and *l%/e!> W$a' a 4i'y@ I be* y%ur 4ard%n, -y dear )ell%5, I didn.' 1ui'e -ean '$a'! &u' i) 5$a' y%u 'ell -e is 'rue, I s$%uld li;e '% $a/e a seri%us 'al; ab%u' li)e 5i'$ Lady C$il'ern! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! I' 5%uld be 1ui'e useless!
May I 'ry? YesA bu' n%'$in* c%uld -a;e $er al'er
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! $er /ie5s!
LOR+ "ORIN"! Well, a' '$e 5%rs' i' 5%uld si-4ly be a 4syc$%l%*ical e=4eri-en'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! dan*er%us! All suc$ e=4eri-en's are 'erribly
LOR+ "ORIN"! E/ery'$in* is dan*er%us, -y dear )ell%5! I) i' 5asn.' s%, li)e 5%uldn.' be 5%r'$ li/in*! ! ! ! Well, I a- b%und '% say '$a' I '$in; y%u s$%uld $a/e '%ld $er years a*%! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$in; s$e 5%uld $a/e -arried -e -y )%r'une is suc$ as i' is, '$e '$a' I $ad d%ne a '$in* '$a' s$a-e)ul and dis$%n%urable? W$en? W$en 5e 5ere en*a*ed? +% y%u
i) s$e $ad ;n%5n '$a' '$e %ri*in %) basis %) -y career suc$ as i' is, and I su44%se -%s' -en 5%uld call
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Sl%5ly!> YesA -%s' -en 5%uld call i' u*ly na-es! T$ere is n% d%ub' %) '$a'!
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <&i''erly!> Men 5$% e/ery day d% s%-e'$in* %) '$e sa-e ;ind '$e-sel/es! Men 5$%, eac$ %ne %) '$e-, $a/e 5%rse secre's in '$eir %5n li/es! LOR+ "ORIN"! T$a' is '$e reas%n '$ey are s% 4leased '% )ind %u' %'$er 4e%4le.s secre's! I' dis'rac's 4ublic a''en'i%n )r%'$eir %5n! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! 5$a' I did? N% %ne! LOR+ "ORIN"! R%ber'! And, a)'er all, 5$%- did I 5r%n* by
<L%%;in* a' $i- s'eadily!>
E=ce4' y%ursel),
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <A)'er a 4ause!> O) c%urse I $ad 4ri/a'e in)%r-a'i%n ab%u' a cer'ain 'ransac'i%n c%n'e-4la'ed by '$e "%/ern-en' %) '$e day, and I ac'ed %n i'! Pri/a'e in)%r-a'i%n is 4rac'ically '$e s%urce %) e/ery lar*e -%dern )%r'une! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Ta44in* $is b%%' 5i'$ $is cane!> scandal in/ariably '$e resul'! And 4ublic
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Pacin* u4 and d%5n '$e r%%-!> Ar'$ur, d% y%u '$in; '$a' 5$a' I did nearly ei*$'een years a*% s$%uld be br%u*$' u4 a*ains' -e n%5? +% y%u '$in; i' )air '$a' a -an.s 5$%le career s$%uld be ruined )%r a )aul' d%ne in %ne.s b%y$%%d al-%s'? I 5as '5en'y('5% a' '$e 'i-e, and I $ad '$e d%uble -is)%r'une %) bein* 5ell(b%rn and 4%%r, '5% un)%r*i/eable '$in*s n%5adays! Is i' )air '$a' '$e )%lly, '$e sin %) %ne.s y%u'$, i) -en c$%%se '% call i' a sin, s$%uld 5rec; a li)e li;e -ine, s$%uld 4lace -e in '$e 4ill%ry,
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s$%uld s$a''er all '$a' I $a/e 5%r;ed )%r, all '$a' I $a/e buil' u4! Is i' )air, Ar'$ur? LOR+ "ORIN"! Li)e is ne/er )air, R%ber'! is a *%%d '$in* )%r -%s' %) us '$a' i' is n%'! And 4er$a4s i'
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! E/ery -an %) a-bi'i%n $as '% )i*$' $is cen'ury 5i'$ i's %5n 5ea4%ns! W$a' '$is cen'ury 5%rs$i4s is 5eal'$! T$e "%d %) '$is cen'ury is 5eal'$! T% succeed %ne -us' $a/e 5eal'$! A' all c%s's %ne -us' $a/e 5eal'$! LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u underra'e y%ursel), R%ber'! 5i'$%u' 5eal'$ y%u c%uld $a/e succeeded Bus' as 5ell! &elie/e -e,
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$en I 5as %ld, 4er$a4s! W$en I $ad l%s' -y 4assi%n )%r 4%5er, %r c%uld n%' use i'! W$en I 5as 'ired, 5%rn %u', disa44%in'ed! I 5an'ed -y success 5$en I 5as y%un*! Y%u'$ is '$e 'i-e )%r success! I c%uldn.' 5ai'! LOR+ "ORIN"! Well, y%u cer'ainly $a/e $ad y%ur success 5$ile y%u are s'ill y%un*! N% %ne in %ur day $as $ad suc$ a brillian' success! #nder(Secre'ary )%r F%rei*n A))airs a' '$e a*e %) )%r'y ( '$a'.s *%%d en%u*$ )%r any %ne, I s$%uld '$in;! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! And i) i' is all 'a;en a5ay )r%- -e n%5? I) I l%se e/ery'$in* %/er a $%rrible scandal? I) I a- $%unded )r%- 4ublic li)e? LOR+ "ORIN"! -%ney? R%ber', $%5 c%uld y%u $a/e s%ld y%ursel) )%r <E=ci'edly!> I did n%' sell -ysel)
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! )%r -%ney!
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I b%u*$' success a' a *rea' 4rice!
T$a' is all!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <"ra/ely!> YesA y%u cer'ainly 4aid a *rea' 4rice )%r i'! &u' 5$a' )irs' -ade y%u '$in; %) d%in* suc$ a '$in*? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! &ar%n Arn$ei-!
+a-ned sc%undrel@
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! N%A $e 5as a -an %) a -%s' sub'le and re)ined in'ellec'! A -an %) cul'ure, c$ar-, and dis'inc'i%n! One %) '$e -%s' in'ellec'ual -en I e/er -e'! LOR+ "ORIN"! A$@ I 4re)er a *en'le-anly )%%l any day! T$ere is -%re '% be said )%r s'u4idi'y '$an 4e%4le i-a*ine! Pers%nally I $a/e a *rea' ad-ira'i%n )%r s'u4idi'y! I' is a s%r' %) )ell%5( )eelin*, I su44%se! &u' $%5 did $e d% i'? Tell -e '$e 5$%le '$in*! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <T$r%5s $i-sel) in'% an ar-c$air by '$e 5ri'in*('able!> One ni*$' a)'er dinner a' L%rd Radley.s '$e &ar%n be*an 'al;in* ab%u' success in -%dern li)e as s%-e'$in* '$a' %ne c%uld reduce '% an abs%lu'ely de)ini'e science! Wi'$ '$a' 5%nder)ully )ascina'in* 1uie' /%ice %) $is $e e=4%unded '% us '$e -%s' 'errible %) all 4$il%s%4$ies, '$e 4$il%s%4$y %) 4%5er, 4reac$ed '% us '$e -%s' -ar/ell%us %) all *%s4els, '$e *%s4el %) *%ld! I '$in; $e sa5 '$e e))ec' $e $ad 4r%duced %n -e, )%r s%-e days a)'er5ards $e 5r%'e and as;ed -e '% c%-e and see $i-! He 5as li/in* '$en in Par; Lane, in '$e $%use L%rd W%%lc%-b $as n%5! I re-e-ber s% 5ell $%5, 5i'$ a s'ran*e s-ile %n $is 4ale, cur/ed li4s, $e led -e '$r%u*$ $is 5%nder)ul 4ic'ure *allery, s$%5ed -e $is 'a4es'ries, $is
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ena-els, $is Be5els, $is car/ed i/%ries, -ade -e 5%nder a' '$e s'ran*e l%/eliness %) '$e lu=ury in 5$ic$ $e li/edA and '$en '%ld -e '$a' lu=ury 5as n%'$in* bu' a bac;*r%und, a 4ain'ed scene in a 4lay, and '$a' 4%5er, 4%5er %/er %'$er -en, 4%5er %/er '$e 5%rld, 5as '$e %ne '$in* 5%r'$ $a/in*, '$e %ne su4re-e 4leasure 5%r'$ ;n%5in*, '$e %ne B%y %ne ne/er 'ired %), and '$a' in %ur cen'ury %nly '$e ric$ 4%ssessed i'! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Wi'$ *rea' delibera'i%n!> s$all%5 creed! A '$%r%u*$ly
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Risin*!> I didn.' '$in; s% '$en! I d%n.' '$in; s% n%5! Weal'$ $as *i/en -e en%r-%us 4%5er! I' *a/e -e a' '$e /ery %u'se' %) -y li)e )reed%-, and )reed%- is e/ery'$in*! Y%u $a/e ne/er been 4%%r, and ne/er ;n%5n 5$a' a-bi'i%n is! Y%u cann%' unders'and 5$a' a 5%nder)ul c$ance '$e &ar%n *a/e -e! Suc$ a c$ance as )e5 -en *e'! LOR+ "ORIN"! F%r'una'ely )%r '$e-, i) %ne is '% Bud*e by resul's! &u' 'ell -e de)ini'ely, $%5 did '$e &ar%n )inally 4ersuade y%u '% ( 5ell, '% d% 5$a' y%u did? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$en I 5as *%in* a5ay $e said '% -e '$a' i) I e/er c%uld *i/e $i- any 4ri/a'e in)%r-a'i%n %) real /alue $e 5%uld -a;e -e a /ery ric$ -an! I 5as da2ed a' '$e 4r%s4ec' $e $eld %u' '% -e, and -y a-bi'i%n and -y desire )%r 4%5er 5ere a' '$a' 'i-e b%undless! Si= 5ee;s la'er cer'ain 4ri/a'e d%cu-en's 4assed '$r%u*$ -y $ands!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! < ee4in* $is eyes s'eadily )i=ed %n '$e car4e'!> S'a'e d%cu-en's? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Yes! <LOR+ "ORIN" si*$s, '$en 4asses $is $and acr%ss $is )%re$ead and l%%;s u4!> LOR+ "ORIN"! I $ad n% idea '$a' y%u, %) all -en in '$e 5%rld, c%uld $a/e been s% 5ea;, R%ber', as '% yield '% suc$ a 'e-4'a'i%n as &ar%n Arn$ei- $eld %u' '% y%u! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Wea;? O$, I a- sic; %) $earin* '$a' 4$rase! Sic; %) usin* i' ab%u' %'$ers! Wea;? +% y%u really '$in;, Ar'$ur, '$a' i' is 5ea;ness '$a' yields '% 'e-4'a'i%n? I 'ell y%u '$a' '$ere are 'errible 'e-4'a'i%ns '$a' i' re1uires s'ren*'$, s'ren*'$ and c%ura*e, '% yield '%! T% s'a;e all %ne.s li)e %n a sin*le -%-en', '% ris; e/ery'$in* %n %ne '$r%5, 5$e'$er '$e s'a;e be 4%5er %r 4leasure, I care n%' ( '$ere is n% 5ea;ness in '$a'! T$ere is a $%rrible, a 'errible c%ura*e! I $ad '$a' c%ura*e! I sa' d%5n '$e sa-e a)'ern%%n and 5r%'e &ar%n Arn$ei- '$e le''er '$is 5%-an n%5 $%lds! He -ade '$ree(1uar'ers %) a -illi%n %/er '$e 'ransac'i%n LOR+ "ORIN"! And y%u? I recei/ed )r%- '$e &ar%n 77D,DDD
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! 4%unds! LOR+ "ORIN"!
Y%u 5ere 5%r'$ -%re, R%ber'!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! N%A '$a' -%ney *a/e -e e=ac'ly 5$a' I 5an'ed, 4%5er %/er %'$ers! I 5en' in'% '$e H%use i--edia'ely! T$e &ar%n ad/ised -e in )inance )r%- 'i-e '% 'i-e! &e)%re )i/e years I $ad
50
al-%s' 'rebled -y )%r'une! Since '$en e/ery'$in* '$a' I $a/e '%uc$ed $as 'urned %u' a success! In all '$in*s c%nnec'ed 5i'$ -%ney I $a/e $ad a luc; s% e='ra%rdinary '$a' s%-e'i-es i' $as -ade -e al-%s' a)raid! I re-e-ber $a/in* read s%-e5$ere, in s%-e s'ran*e b%%;, '$a' 5$en '$e *%ds 5is$ '% 4unis$ us '$ey ans5er %ur 4rayers! LOR+ "ORIN"! &u' 'ell -e, R%ber', did y%u ne/er su))er any re*re' )%r 5$a' y%u $ad d%ne? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! N%! cen'ury 5i'$ i's %5n 5ea4%ns, and 5%n! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Sadly!> I )el' '$a' I $ad )%u*$' '$e
Y%u '$%u*$' y%u $ad 5%n!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I '$%u*$' s%! <A)'er a l%n* 4ause!> Ar'$ur, d% y%u des4ise -e )%r 5$a' I $a/e '%ld y%u? LOR+ "ORIN"! <Wi'$ dee4 )eelin* in $is /%ice!> s%rry )%r y%u, R%ber', /ery s%rry indeed! I a- /ery
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I d%n.' say '$a' I su))ered any re-%rse! I didn.'! N%' re-%rse in '$e %rdinary, ra'$er silly sense %) '$e 5%rd! &u' I $a/e 4aid c%nscience -%ney -any 'i-es! I $ad a 5ild $%4e '$a' I -i*$' disar- des'iny! T$e su- &ar%n Arn$ei- *a/e -e I $a/e dis'ribu'ed '5ice %/er in 4ublic c$ari'ies since '$en! LOR+ "ORIN"! <L%%;in* u4!> In 4ublic c$ari'ies? 5$a' a l%' %) $ar- y%u -us' $a/e d%ne, R%ber'@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! 'al; li;e '$a'@ +ear -e@
O$, d%n.' say '$a', Ar'$urA d%n.'
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LOR+ "ORIN"! Ne/er -ind 5$a' I say, R%ber'@ I a- al5ays sayin* 5$a' I s$%uldn.' say! In )ac', I usually say 5$a' I really '$in;! A *rea' -is'a;e n%5adays! I' -a;es %ne s% liable '% be -isunders'%%d! As re*ards '$is dread)ul business, I 5ill $el4 y%u in 5$a'e/er 5ay I can! O) c%urse y%u ;n%5 '$a'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$an; y%u, Ar'$ur, '$an; y%u! 5$a' is '% be d%ne? W$a' can be d%ne? &u'
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Leanin* bac; 5i'$ $is $ands in $is 4%c;e's!> Well, '$e En*lis$ can.' s'and a -an 5$% is al5ays sayin* $e is in '$e ri*$', bu' '$ey are /ery )%nd %) a -an 5$% ad-i's '$a' $e $as been in '$e 5r%n*! I' is %ne %) '$e bes' '$in*s in '$e-! H%5e/er, in y%ur case, R%ber', a c%n)essi%n 5%uld n%' d%! T$e -%ney, i) y%u 5ill all%5 -e '% say s%, is ! ! ! a5;5ard! &esides, i) y%u did -a;e a clean breas' %) '$e 5$%le a))air, y%u 5%uld ne/er be able '% 'al; -%rali'y a*ain! And in En*land a -an 5$% can.' 'al; -%rali'y '5ice a 5ee; '% a lar*e, 4%4ular, i--%ral audience is 1ui'e %/er as a seri%us 4%li'ician! T$ere 5%uld be n%'$in* le)' )%r $i- as a 4r%)essi%n e=ce4' &%'any %r '$e C$urc$! A c%n)essi%n 5%uld be %) n% use! I' 5%uld ruin y%u! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I' 5%uld ruin -e! '$in* )%r -e '% d% n%5 is '% )i*$' '$e '$in* %u'! Ar'$ur, '$e %nly
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Risin* )r%- $is c$air!> I 5as 5ai'in* )%r y%u '% say '$a', R%ber'! I' is '$e %nly '$in* '% d% n%5! And y%u -us' be*in by 'ellin* y%ur 5i)e '$e 5$%le s'%ry!
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"!
T$a' I 5ill n%' d%!
R%ber', belie/e -e, y%u are 5r%n*!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I c%uldn.' d% i'! I' 5%uld ;ill $er l%/e )%r -e! And n%5 ab%u' '$is 5%-an, '$is Mrs! C$e/eley! H%5 can I de)end -ysel) a*ains' $er? Y%u ;ne5 $er be)%re, Ar'$ur, a44aren'ly! LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes! +id y%u ;n%5 $er 5ell?
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Arran*in* $is nec;'ie!> S% li''le '$a' I *%' en*a*ed '% be -arried '% $er %nce, 5$en I 5as s'ayin* a' '$e Tenbys.! T$e a))air las'ed )%r '$ree days ! ! ! nearly! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$y 5as i' br%;en %))?
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Airily!> O$, I )%r*e'! A' leas', i' -a;es n% -a''er! &y '$e 5ay, $a/e y%u 'ried $er 5i'$ -%ney? S$e used '% be c%n)%undedly )%nd %) -%ney! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! S$e re)used! I %))ered $er any su- s$e 5an'ed!
LOR+ "ORIN"! T$en '$e -ar/ell%us *%s4el %) *%ld brea;s d%5n s%-e'i-es! T$e ric$ can.' d% e/ery'$in*, a)'er all! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! N%' e/ery'$in*! I su44%se y%u are ri*$'! Ar'$ur, I )eel '$a' 4ublic dis*race is in s'%re )%r -e! I )eel cer'ain %) i'! I ne/er ;ne5 5$a' 'err%r 5as be)%re! I ;n%5 i' n%5! I' is as i) a $and %) ice 5ere laid u4%n %ne.s $ear'! I' is as i) %ne.s $ear' 5ere bea'in* i'sel) '% dea'$ in s%-e e-4'y $%ll%5!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! <S'ri;in* '$e 'able!> $er! Y%u -us' )i*$' $er! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! &u' $%5?
R%ber', y%u -us' )i*$'
LOR+ "ORIN"! I can.' 'ell y%u $%5 a' 4resen'! I $a/e n%' '$e s-alles' idea! &u' e/ery %ne $as s%-e 5ea; 4%in'! T$ere is s%-e )la5 in eac$ %ne %) us! <S'r%lls '% '$e )ire4lace and l%%;s a' $i-sel) in '$e *lass!> My )a'$er 'ells -e '$a' e/en I $a/e )aul's! Per$a4s I $a/e! I d%n.' ;n%5! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! In de)endin* -ysel) a*ains' Mrs! C$e/eley, I $a/e a ri*$' '% use any 5ea4%n I can )ind, $a/e I n%'? LOR+ "ORIN"! <S'ill l%%;in* in '$e *lass!> In y%ur 4lace I d%n.' '$in; I s$%uld $a/e '$e s-alles' scru4le in d%in* s%! S$e is '$%r%u*$ly 5ell able '% 'a;e care %) $ersel)! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Si's d%5n a' '$e 'able and 'a;es a 4en in $is $and!> Well, I s$all send a ci4$er 'ele*ra- '% '$e E-bassy a' Vienna, '% in1uire i) '$ere is any'$in* ;n%5n a*ains' $er! T$ere -ay be s%-e secre' scandal s$e -i*$' be a)raid %)! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Se''lin* $is bu''%n$%le!> O$, I s$%uld )ancy Mrs! C$e/eley is %ne %) '$%se /ery -%dern 5%-en %) %ur 'i-e 5$% )ind a ne5 scandal as bec%-in* as a ne5 b%nne', and air '$e- b%'$ in '$e Par; e/ery a)'ern%%n a' )i/e('$ir'y! I a- sure s$e ad%res scandals, and '$a' '$e s%rr%5 %) $er li)e a' 4resen' is '$a' s$e can.' -ana*e '% $a/e en%u*$ %) '$e-! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Wri'in*!> W$y d% y%u say '$a'?
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LOR+ "ORIN"! <Turnin* r%und!> Well, s$e 5%re )ar '%% -uc$ r%u*e las' ni*$', and n%' 1ui'e en%u*$ cl%'$es! T$a' is al5ays a si*n %) des4air in a 5%-an! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <S'ri;in* a bell!> 5$ile -y 5irin* '% Vienna, is i' n%'? &u' i' is 5%r'$
LOR+ "ORIN"! I' is al5ays 5%r'$ 5$ile as;in* a 1ues'i%n, '$%u*$ i' is n%' al5ays 5%r'$ 5$ile ans5erin* %ne! <En'er MASON!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MASON! Is Mr! Tra))%rd in $is r%%-?
Yes, Sir R%ber'!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Pu's 5$a' $e $as 5ri''en in'% an en/el%4e, 5$ic$ $e '$en care)ully cl%ses!> Tell $i- '% $a/e '$is sen' %)) in ci4$er a' %nce! T$ere -us' n%' be a -%-en'.s delay! MASON! Yes, Sir R%ber'! O$@ Bus' *i/e '$a' bac; '% -e a*ain! MASON '$en *%es %u'
<Wri'es s%-e'$in* %n '$e en/el%4e! 5i'$ '$e le''er!>
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! S$e -us' $a/e $ad s%-e curi%us $%ld %/er &ar%n Arn$ei-! I 5%nder 5$a' i' 5as! LOR+ "ORIN"! <S-ilin*!> I 5%nder!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! l%n* as -y 5i)e ;n%5s n%'$in*! LOR+ "ORIN"! case!
I 5ill )i*$' $er '% '$e dea'$, as
<S'r%n*ly!>
O$, )i*$' in any case ( in any
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a *es'ure %) des4air!> I) -y 5i)e )%und %u', '$ere 5%uld be li''le le)' '% )i*$' )%r! Well, as s%%n as I $ear )r%- Vienna, I s$all le' y%u ;n%5 '$e resul'! I' is a c$ance, Bus' a c$ance, bu' I belie/e in i'! And as I )%u*$' '$e a*e 5i'$ i's %5n 5ea4%ns, I 5ill )i*$' $er 5i'$ $er 5ea4%ns! I' is %nly )air, and s$e l%%;s li;e a 5%-an 5i'$ a 4as', d%esn.' s$e? LOR+ "ORIN"! M%s' 4re''y 5%-en d%! &u' '$ere is a )as$i%n in 4as's Bus' as '$ere is a )as$i%n in )r%c;s! Per$a4s Mrs! C$e/eley.s 4as' is -erely a sli*$'ly +ECOLLETE %ne, and '$ey are e=cessi/ely 4%4ular n%5adays! &esides, -y dear R%ber', I s$%uld n%' build '%% $i*$ $%4es %n )ri*$'enin* Mrs! C$e/eley! I s$%uld n%' )ancy Mrs! C$e/eley is a 5%-an 5$% 5%uld be easily )ri*$'ened! S$e $as sur/i/ed all $er credi'%rs, and s$e s$%5s 5%nder)ul 4resence %) -ind! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! O$@ I li/e %n $%4es n%5! I clu'c$ a' e/ery c$ance! I )eel li;e a -an %n a s$i4 '$a' is sin;in*! T$e 5a'er is r%und -y )ee', and '$e /ery air is bi''er 5i'$ s'%r-! Hus$@ I $ear -y 5i)e.s /%ice! <En'er LA+Y CHILTERN in 5al;in* dress!> LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! in '$e Par;? "%%d a)'ern%%n, L%rd "%rin*@ "%%d a)'ern%%n, Lady C$il'ern@ Ha/e y%u been
LA+Y CHILTERN! N%A I $a/e Bus' c%-e )r%- '$e W%-an.s Liberal Ass%cia'i%n, 5$ere, by '$e 5ay, R%ber', y%ur na-e 5as recei/ed 5i'$
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l%ud a44lause, and n%5 I $a/e c%-e in '% $a/e -y 'ea! LOR+ "ORIN"!> Y%u 5ill 5ai' and $a/e s%-e 'ea, 5%n.' y%u? LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! *%in* '% 'a;e -y $a' %))! I.ll 5ai' )%r a s$%r' 'i-e, '$an;s! I 5ill be bac; in a -%-en'! I a- %nly
<T%
LOR+ "ORIN"! <In $is -%s' earnes' -anner!> O$@ 4lease d%n.'! I' is s% 4re''y! One %) '$e 4re''ies' $a's I e/er sa5! I $%4e '$e W%-an.s Liberal Ass%cia'i%n recei/ed i' 5i'$ l%ud a44lause! LA+Y CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a s-ile!> We $a/e -uc$ -%re i-4%r'an' 5%r; '% d% '$an l%%; a' eac$ %'$er.s b%nne's, L%rd "%rin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! Really? W$a' s%r' %) 5%r;?
LA+Y CHILTERN! O$@ dull, use)ul, deli*$')ul '$in*s, Fac'%ry Ac's, Fe-ale Ins4ec'%rs, '$e Ei*$' H%urs. &ill, '$e Parlia-en'ary Franc$ise! ! ! ! E/ery'$in*, in )ac', '$a' y%u 5%uld )ind '$%r%u*$ly unin'eres'in*! LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! ne/er@ And ne/er b%nne's? <Wi'$ -%c; indi*na'i%n!> Ne/er b%nne's,
<LA+Y CHILTERN *%es %u' '$r%u*$ '$e d%%r leadin* '% $er b%ud%ir!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Ta;es LOR+ "ORIN".S $and!> Y%u $a/e been a *%%d )riend '% -e, Ar'$ur, a '$%r%u*$ly *%%d )riend! LOR+ "ORIN"! I d%n.' ;n%5 '$a' I $a/e been able '% d% -uc$ )%r y%u, R%ber', as ye'! In )ac', I $a/e n%' been able '% d% any'$in* )%r y%u, as )ar as I can see! I a- '$%r%u*$ly disa44%in'ed 5i'$ -ysel)!
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Y%u $a/e enabled -e '% 'ell y%u '$e 'ru'$! T$a' is s%-e'$in*! T$e 'ru'$ $as al5ays s'i)led -e! LOR+ "ORIN"! A$@ '$e 'ru'$ is a '$in* I *e' rid %) as s%%n as 4%ssible@ &ad $abi', by '$e 5ay! Ma;es %ne /ery un4%4ular a' '$e club ! ! ! 5i'$ '$e %lder -e-bers! T$ey call i' bein* c%ncei'ed! Per$a4s i' is! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I 5%uld '% "%d '$a' I $ad been able '% 'ell '$e 'ru'$ ! ! ! '% li/e '$e 'ru'$! A$@ '$a' is '$e *rea' '$in* in li)e, '% li/e '$e 'ru'$! <Si*$s, and *%es '%5ards '$e d%%r!> I.ll see y%u s%%n a*ain, Ar'$ur, s$an.' I? LOR+ "ORIN"! Cer'ainly! W$ene/er y%u li;e! I.- *%in* '% l%%; in a' '$e &ac$el%rs. &all '%(ni*$', unless I )ind s%-e'$in* be''er '% d%! &u' I.ll c%-e r%und '%(-%rr%5 -%rnin*! I) y%u s$%uld 5an' -e '%( ni*$' by any c$ance, send r%und a n%'e '% Cur2%n S'ree'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$an; y%u!
<As $e reac$es '$e d%%r, LA+Y CHILTERN en'ers )r%- $er b%ud%ir!> LA+Y CHILTERN! Y%u are n%' *%in*, R%ber'? I $a/e s%-e le''ers '% 5ri'e, dear!
LA+Y CHILTERN! <"%in* '% $i-!> Y%u 5%r; '%% $ard, R%ber'! Y%u seene/er '% '$in; %) y%ursel), and y%u are l%%;in* s% 'ired! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I' is n%'$in*, dear, n%'$in*!
<He ;isses $er and *%es %u'!>
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LA+Y CHILTERN! *lad y%u $a/e called! I ab%u' b%nne's, %r '$e '%% -uc$ in'eres' in '$e sec%nd! LOR+ "ORIN"!
<T% LOR+ "ORIN"!>
+% si' d%5n!
I a- s%
5an' '% 'al; '% y%u ab%u' ! ! ! 5ell, n%' W%-an.s Liberal Ass%cia'i%n! Y%u 'a;e )ar
)irs' subBec', and n%' nearly en%u*$ in '$e
Y%u 5an' '% 'al; '% -e ab%u' Mrs! C$e/eley?
LA+Y CHILTERN! Yes! Y%u $a/e *uessed i'! A)'er y%u le)' las' ni*$' I )%und %u' '$a' 5$a' s$e $ad said 5as really 'rue! O) c%urse I -ade R%ber' 5ri'e $er a le''er a' %nce, 5i'$dra5in* $is 4r%-ise! LOR+ "ORIN"! S% $e *a/e -e '% unders'and!
LA+Y CHILTERN! T% $a/e ;e4' i' 5%uld $a/e been '$e )irs' s'ain %n a career '$a' $as been s'ainless al5ays! R%ber' -us' be ab%/e re4r%ac$! He is n%' li;e %'$er -en! He cann%' a))%rd '% d% 5$a' %'$er -en d%! <S$e l%%;s a' LOR+ "ORIN", 5$% re-ains silen'!> +%n.' y%u a*ree 5i'$ -e? Y%u are R%ber'.s *rea'es' )riend! Y%u are %ur *rea'es' )riend, L%rd "%rin*! N% %ne, e=ce4' -ysel), ;n%5s R%ber' be''er '$an y%u d%! He $as n% secre's )r%- -e, and I d%n.' '$in; $e $as any )r%- y%u! LOR+ "ORIN"! He cer'ainly $as n% secre's )r%- -e! leas' I d%n.' '$in; s%! A'
LA+Y CHILTERN! T$en a- I n%' ri*$' in -y es'i-a'e %) $i-? I ;n%5 I a- ri*$'! &u' s4ea; '% -e )ran;ly! LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! y%u? <L%%;in* s'rai*$' a' $er!> Surely! Cui'e )ran;ly?
Y%u $a/e n%'$in* '% c%nceal, $a/e
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LOR+ "ORIN"! N%'$in*! &u', -y dear Lady C$il'ern, I '$in;, i) y%u 5ill all%5 -e '% say s%, '$a' in 4rac'ical li)e ( LA+Y CHILTERN! L%rd "%rin* ( <S-ilin*!> O) 5$ic$ y%u ;n%5 s% li''le,
LOR+ "ORIN"! O) 5$ic$ I ;n%5 n%'$in* by e=4erience, '$%u*$ I ;n%5 s%-e'$in* by %bser/a'i%n! I '$in; '$a' in 4rac'ical li)e '$ere is s%-e'$in* ab%u' success, ac'ual success, '$a' is a li''le unscru4ul%us, s%-e'$in* ab%u' a-bi'i%n '$a' is unscru4ul%us al5ays! Once a -an $as se' $is $ear' and s%ul %n *e''in* '% a cer'ain 4%in', i) $e $as '% cli-b '$e cra*, $e cli-bs '$e cra*A i) $e $as '% 5al; in '$e -ire ( LA+Y CHILTERN! Well? O) c%urse I a- %nly
LOR+ "ORIN"! He 5al;s in '$e -ire! 'al;in* *enerally ab%u' li)e! LA+Y CHILTERN! <"ra/ely!> -e s% s'ran*ely, L%rd "%rin*?
I $%4e s%!
W$y d% y%u l%%; a'
LOR+ "ORIN"! Lady C$il'ern, I $a/e s%-e'i-es '$%u*$' '$a' ! ! ! 4er$a4s y%u are a li''le $ard in s%-e %) y%ur /ie5s %n li)e! I '$in; '$a' ! ! ! %)'en y%u d%n.' -a;e su))icien' all%5ances! In e/ery na'ure '$ere are ele-en's %) 5ea;ness, %r 5%rse '$an 5ea;ness! Su44%sin*, )%r ins'ance, '$a' ( '$a' any 4ublic -an, -y )a'$er, %r L%rd Mer'%n, %r R%ber', say, $ad, years a*%, 5ri''en s%-e )%%lis$ le''er '% s%-e %ne ! ! ! LA+Y CHILTERN! W$a' d% y%u -ean by a )%%lis$ le''er?
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LOR+ "ORIN"! A le''er *ra/ely c%-4r%-isin* %ne.s 4%si'i%n! I a%nly 4u''in* an i-a*inary case! LA+Y CHILTERN! R%ber' is as inca4able %) d%in* a )%%lis$ '$in* as $e is %) d%in* a 5r%n* '$in*! LOR+ "ORIN"! <A)'er a l%n* 4ause!> N%b%dy is inca4able %) d%in* a )%%lis$ '$in*! N%b%dy is inca4able %) d%in* a 5r%n* '$in*! LA+Y CHILTERN! Are y%u a Pessi-is'? W$a' 5ill '$e %'$er dandies say? T$ey 5ill all $a/e '% *% in'% -%urnin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Risin*!> N%, Lady C$il'ern, I a- n%' a Pessi-is'! Indeed I a- n%' sure '$a' I 1ui'e ;n%5 5$a' Pessi-isreally -eans! All I d% ;n%5 is '$a' li)e cann%' be unders'%%d 5i'$%u' -uc$ c$ari'y, cann%' be li/ed 5i'$%u' -uc$ c$ari'y! I' is l%/e, and n%' "er-an 4$il%s%4$y, '$a' is '$e 'rue e=4lana'i%n %) '$is 5%rld, 5$a'e/er -ay be '$e e=4lana'i%n %) '$e ne='! And i) y%u are e/er in 'r%uble, Lady C$il'ern, 'rus' -e abs%lu'ely, and I 5ill $el4 y%u in e/ery 5ay I can! I) y%u e/er 5an' -e, c%-e '% -e )%r -y assis'ance, and y%u s$all $a/e i'! C%-e a' %nce '% -e! LA+Y CHILTERN! <L%%;in* a' $i- in sur4rise!> L%rd "%rin*, y%u are 'al;in* 1ui'e seri%usly! I d%n.' '$in; I e/er $eard y%u 'al; seri%usly be)%re! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Lau*$in*!> Y%u -us' e=cuse -e, Lady C$il'ern! I' 5%n.' %ccur a*ain, i) I can $el4 i'! LA+Y CHILTERN! &u' I li;e y%u '% be seri%us!
<En'er MA&EL CHILTERN, in '$e -%s' ra/is$in* )r%c;!>
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MA&EL CHILTERN! +ear "er'rude, d%n.' say suc$ a dread)ul '$in* '% L%rd "%rin*! Seri%usness 5%uld be /ery unbec%-in* '% $i-! "%%d a)'ern%%n L%rd "%rin*@ Pray be as 'ri/ial as y%u can! LOR+ "ORIN"! I s$%uld li;e '%, Miss Mabel, bu' I a- a)raid I a- ! ! ! a li''le %u' %) 4rac'ice '$is -%rnin*A and besides, I $a/e '% be *%in* n%5! MA&EL CHILTERN! ,us' 5$en I $a/e c%-e in@ W$a' dread)ul -anners y%u $a/e@ I a- sure y%u 5ere /ery badly br%u*$' u4! LOR+ "ORIN"! I 5as! I 5is$ I $ad br%u*$' y%u u4@
I a- s% s%rry y%u didn.'! I' is '%% la'e n%5, I su44%se I a- n%' s% sure!
<S-ilin*!>
Will y%u ride '%(-%rr%5 -%rnin*?
Yes, a' 'en! +%n.' )%r*e'
MA&EL CHILTERN!
LOR+ "ORIN"! O) c%urse I s$an.'! &y '$e 5ay, Lady C$il'ern, '$ere is n% lis' %) y%ur *ues's in THE MORNIN" POST %) '%(day! I' $as a44aren'ly been cr%5ded %u' by '$e C%un'y C%uncil, %r '$e La-be'$ C%n)erence, %r s%-e'$in* e1ually b%rin*! C%uld y%u le' -e $a/e a lis'? I $a/e a 4ar'icular reas%n )%r as;in* y%u! LA+Y CHILTERN! y%u %ne! LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- sure Mr! Tra))%rd 5ill be able '% *i/e T$an;s, s% -uc$!
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MA&EL CHILTERN!
T%--y is '$e -%s' use)ul 4ers%n in L%nd%n! And 5$% is '$e -%s' I a-!
LOR+ "ORIN" <Turnin* '% $er!> %rna-en'al? MA&EL CHILTERN <Triu-4$an'ly!>
LOR+ "ORIN"! H%5 cle/er %) y%u '% *uess i'@ <Ta;es u4 $is $a' and cane!> "%%d(bye, Lady C$il'ern@ Y%u 5ill re-e-ber 5$a' I said '% y%u, 5%n.' y%u? LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! YesA bu' I d%n.' ;n%5 5$y y%u said i' '% -e! I $ardly ;n%5 -ysel)! "%%d(bye, Miss Mabel@
MA&EL CHILTERN <Wi'$ a li''le -%ue %) disa44%in'-en'!> I 5is$ y%u 5ere n%' *%in*! I $a/e $ad )%ur 5%nder)ul ad/en'ures '$is -%rnin*A )%ur and a $al), in )ac'! Y%u -i*$' s'%4 and lis'en '% s%-e %) '$e-! LOR+ "ORIN"! H%5 /ery sel)is$ %) y%u '% $a/e )%ur and a $al)@ T$ere 5%n.' be any le)' )%r -e! MA&EL CHILTERN! n%' be *%%d )%r y%u! I d%n.' 5an' y%u '% $a/e any! T$ey 5%uld
LOR+ "ORIN"! T$a' is '$e )irs' un;ind '$in* y%u $a/e e/er said '% -e! H%5 c$ar-in*ly y%u said i'@ Ten '%(-%rr%5! MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! S$ar4! &u' d%n.' brin* Mr! Tra))%rd!
Cui'e s$ar4!
MA&EL CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a li''le '%ss %) '$e $ead!> O) c%urse I s$an.' brin* T%--y Tra))%rd! T%--y Tra))%rd is in *rea' dis*race!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! %u'!>
I a- deli*$'ed '% $ear i'!
<&%5s and *%es
MA&EL CHILTERN! Tra))%rd!
"er'rude, I 5is$ y%u 5%uld s4ea; '% T%--y
LA+Y CHILTERN! W$a' $as 4%%r Mr! Tra))%rd d%ne '$is 'i-e? R%ber' says $e is '$e bes' secre'ary $e $as e/er $ad! MA&EL CHILTERN! Well, T%--y $as 4r%4%sed '% -e a*ain! T%--y really d%es n%'$in* bu' 4r%4%se '% -e! He 4r%4%sed '% -e las' ni*$' in '$e -usic(r%%-, 5$en I 5as 1ui'e un4r%'ec'ed, as '$ere 5as an elab%ra'e 'ri% *%in* %n! I didn.' dare '% -a;e '$e s-alles' re4ar'ee, I need $ardly 'ell y%u! I) I $ad, i' 5%uld $a/e s'%44ed '$e -usic a' %nce! Musical 4e%4le are s% absurdly unreas%nable! T$ey al5ays 5an' %ne '% be 4er)ec'ly du-b a' '$e /ery -%-en' 5$en %ne is l%n*in* '% be abs%lu'ely dea)! T$en $e 4r%4%sed '% -e in br%ad dayli*$' '$is -%rnin*, in )r%n' %) '$a' dread)ul s'a'ue %) Ac$illes! Really, '$e '$in*s '$a' *% %n in )r%n' %) '$a' 5%r; %) ar' are 1ui'e a44allin*! T$e 4%lice s$%uld in'er)ere! A' lunc$e%n I sa5 by '$e *lare in $is eye '$a' $e 5as *%in* '% 4r%4%se a*ain, and I Bus' -ana*ed '% c$ec; $i- in 'i-e by assurin* $i- '$a' I 5as a bi-e'allis'! F%r'una'ely I d%n.' ;n%5 5$a' bi-e'allis- -eans! And I d%n.' belie/e anyb%dy else d%es ei'$er! &u' '$e %bser/a'i%n crus$ed T%--y )%r 'en -inu'es! He l%%;ed 1ui'e s$%c;ed! And '$en T%--y is s% ann%yin* in '$e 5ay $e 4r%4%ses! I) $e 4r%4%sed a' '$e '%4 %) $is /%ice, I s$%uld n%' -ind s% -uc$! T$a' -i*$' 4r%duce s%-e e))ec' %n '$e 4ublic! &u' $e d%es
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i' in a $%rrid c%n)iden'ial 5ay! W$en T%--y 5an's '% be r%-an'ic $e 'al;s '% %ne Bus' li;e a d%c'%r! I a- /ery )%nd %) T%--y, bu' $is -e'$%ds %) 4r%4%sin* are 1ui'e %u' %) da'e! I 5is$, "er'rude, y%u 5%uld s4ea; '% $i-, and 'ell $i- '$a' %nce a 5ee; is 1ui'e %)'en en%u*$ '% 4r%4%se '% any %ne, and '$a' i' s$%uld al5ays be d%ne in a -anner '$a' a''rac's s%-e a''en'i%n! LA+Y CHILTERN! +ear Mabel, d%n.' 'al; li;e '$a'! &esides, R%ber' '$in;s /ery $i*$ly %) Mr! Tra))%rd! He belie/es $e $as a brillian' )u'ure be)%re $i-! MA&EL CHILTERN! O$@ I 5%uldn.' -arry a -an 5i'$ a )u'ure be)%re $i)%r any'$in* under '$e sun! LA+Y CHILTERN! Mabel@
MA&EL CHILTERN! I ;n%5, dear! Y%u -arried a -an 5i'$ a )u'ure, didn.' y%u? &u' '$en R%ber' 5as a *enius, and y%u $a/e a n%ble, sel)(sacri)icin* c$arac'er! Y%u can s'and *eniuses! I $a/e n%, c$arac'er a' all, and R%ber' is '$e %nly *enius I c%uld e/er bear! As a rule, I '$in; '$ey are 1ui'e i-4%ssible! "eniuses 'al; s% -uc$, d%n.' '$ey? Suc$ a bad $abi'@ And '$ey are al5ays '$in;in* ab%u' '$e-sel/es, 5$en I 5an' '$e- '% be '$in;in* ab%u' -e! I -us' *% r%und n%5 and re$earse a' Lady &asild%n.s! Y%u re-e-ber, 5e are $a/in* 'ableau=, d%n.' y%u? T$e Triu-4$ %) s%-e'$in*, I d%n.' ;n%5 5$a'@ I $%4e i' 5ill be 'riu-4$ %) -e! Only 'riu-4$ I areally in'eres'ed in a' 4resen'! < isses LA+Y CHILTERN and *%es %u'A '$en
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c%-es runnin* bac;!> O$, "er'rude, d% y%u ;n%5 5$% is c%-in* '% see y%u? T$a' dread)ul Mrs! C$e/eley, in a -%s' l%/ely *%5n! +id y%u as; $er? LA+Y CHILTERN! I-4%ssible@ <Risin*!> Mrs! C$e/eley@ C%-in* '% see -e?
MA&EL CHILTERN! I assure y%u s$e is c%-in* u4s'airs, as lar*e as li)e and n%' nearly s% na'ural! LA+Y CHILTERN! &asild%n is e=4ec'in* y%u! Y%u need n%' 5ai', Mabel! Re-e-ber, Lady
MA&EL CHILTERN! O$@ I -us' s$a;e $ands 5i'$ Lady Mar;by! S$e is deli*$')ul! I l%/e bein* sc%lded by $er! <En'er MASON!> MASON! Lady Mar;by! Mrs! C$e/eley!
<En'er LA+Y MAR &Y and MRS! CHEVELEY!> LA+Y CHILTERN! <Ad/ancin* '% -ee' '$e-!> +ear Lady Mar;by, $%5 nice %) y%u '% c%-e and see -e@ <S$a;es $ands 5i'$ $er, and b%5s s%-e5$a' dis'an'ly '% MRS! CHEVELEY!> W%n.' y%u si' d%5n, Mrs! C$e/eley? MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an;s! s$%uld li;e s% -uc$ '% ;n%5 $er! LA+Y CHILTERN! Isn.' '$a' Miss C$il'ern? I
Mabel, Mrs! C$e/eley 5is$es '% ;n%5 y%u!
<MA&EL CHILTERN *i/es a li''le n%d!> MRS! CHEVELEY <Si''in* d%5n!> I '$%u*$' y%ur )r%c; s% c$ar-in* las' ni*$', Miss C$il'ern! S% si-4le and ! ! ! sui'able!
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MA&EL CHILTERN! Really? I -us' 'ell -y dress-a;er! 5ill be suc$ a sur4rise '% $er! "%%d(bye, Lady Mar;by@ LA+Y MAR &Y! "%in* already?
I'
MA&EL CHILTERN! I a- s% s%rry bu' I a- %bli*ed '%! I aBus' %)) '% re$earsal! I $a/e *%' '% s'and %n -y $ead in s%-e 'ableau=! LA+Y MAR &Y! On y%ur $ead, c$ild? O$@ I $%4e n%'! belie/e i' is -%s' un$eal'$y! <Ta;es a sea' %n '$e s%)a ne=' LA+Y CHILTERN!> I
MA&EL CHILTERN! &u' i' is )%r an e=cellen' c$ari'y3 in aid %) '$e #ndeser/in*, '$e %nly 4e%4le I a- really in'eres'ed in! I a- '$e secre'ary, and T%--y Tra))%rd is 'reasurer! MRS! CHEVELEY! MA&EL CHILTERN! And 5$a' is L%rd "%rin*? O$@ L%rd "%rin* is 4residen'!
MRS! CHEVELEY! T$e 4%s' s$%uld sui' $i- ad-irably, unless $e $as de'eri%ra'ed since I ;ne5 $i- )irs'! LA+Y MAR &Y! <Re)lec'in*!> Y%u are re-ar;ably -%dern, Mabel! A li''le '%% -%dern, 4er$a4s! N%'$in* is s% dan*er%us as bein* '%% -%dern! One is a4' '% *r%5 %ld()as$i%ned 1ui'e suddenly! I $a/e ;n%5n -any ins'ances %) i' MA&EL CHILTERN! W$a' a dread)ul 4r%s4ec'@
LA+Y MAR &Y! A$@ -y dear, y%u need n%' be ner/%us! Y%u 5ill al5ays be as 4re''y as 4%ssible! T$a' is '$e bes' )as$i%n '$ere is, and '$e %nly )as$i%n '$a' En*land succeeds in se''in*! MA&EL CHILTERN! Mar;by, <Wi'$ a cur'sey!> T$an; y%u s% -uc$, Lady
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)%r En*land ! ! ! and -ysel)!
<"%es %u'!>
LA+Y MAR &Y! <Turnin* '% LA+Y CHILTERN!> +ear "er'rude, 5e Bus' called '% ;n%5 i) Mrs! C$e/eley.s dia-%nd br%%c$ $as been )%und! LA+Y CHILTERN! Here?
MRS! CHEVELEY! Yes! I -issed i' 5$en I *%' bac; '% Clarid*e.s, and I '$%u*$' I -i*$' 4%ssibly $a/e dr%44ed i' $ere! LA+Y CHILTERN! I $a/e $eard n%'$in* ab%u' i'! send )%r '$e bu'ler and as;! <T%uc$es '$e bell!> &u' I 5ill
MRS! CHEVELEY! O$, 4ray d%n.' 'r%uble, Lady C$il'ern! dare say I l%s' i' a' '$e O4era, be)%re 5e ca-e %n $ere!
LA+Y MAR &Y! A$ yes, I su44%se i' -us' $a/e been a' '$e O4era! T$e )ac' is, 5e all scra-ble and B%s'le s% -uc$ n%5adays '$a' I 5%nder 5e $a/e any'$in* a' all le)' %n us a' '$e end %) an e/enin*! I ;n%5 -ysel) '$a', 5$en I a- c%-in* bac; )r%- '$e +ra5in* R%%-, I al5ays )eel as i) I $adn.' a s$red %n -e, e=ce4' a s-all s$red %) decen' re4u'a'i%n, Bus' en%u*$ '% 4re/en' '$e l%5er classes -a;in* 4ain)ul %bser/a'i%ns '$r%u*$ '$e 5ind%5s %) '$e carria*e! T$e )ac' is '$a' %ur S%cie'y is 'erribly %/er(4%4ula'ed! Really, s%-e %ne s$%uld arran*e a 4r%4er sc$e-e %) assis'ed e-i*ra'i%n! I' 5%uld d% a *rea' deal %) *%%d! MRS! CHEVELEY! I 1ui'e a*ree 5i'$ y%u, Lady Mar;by! I' is nearly si= years since I $a/e been in L%nd%n )%r '$e Seas%n, and I -us' say S%cie'y $as bec%-e dread)ully -i=ed! One sees '$e %ddes' 4e%4le
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e/ery5$ere! LA+Y MAR &Y! T$a' is 1ui'e 'rue, dear! &u' %ne needn.' ;n%5 '$e-! I.- sure I d%n.' ;n%5 $al) '$e 4e%4le 5$% c%-e '% -y $%use! Indeed, )r%- all I $ear, I s$%uldn.' li;e '%! <En'er MASON!> LA+Y CHILTERN! Mrs! C$e/eley? MRS! CHEVELEY! ra'$er lar*e ruby! LA+Y MAR &Y! '$e $ead, dear? W$a' s%r' %) a br%%c$ 5as i' '$a' y%u l%s',
A dia-%nd sna;e(br%%c$ 5i'$ a ruby, a
I '$%u*$' y%u said '$ere 5as a sa44$ire %n
MRS! CHEVELEY <S-ilin*!> LA+Y MAR &Y! 1ui'e sure!
N%, lady Mar;by ( a ruby! And /ery bec%-in*, I a-
<N%ddin* $er $ead!>
LA+Y CHILTERN! Has a ruby and dia-%nd br%%c$ been )%und in any %) '$e r%%-s '$is -%rnin*, Mas%n? MASON! N%, -y lady!
MRS! CHEVELEY! I' really is %) n% c%nse1uence, Lady C$il'ern! I as% s%rry '% $a/e 4u' y%u '% any inc%n/enience! LA+Y CHILTERN! <C%ldly!> O$, i' $as been n% inc%n/enience! T$a' 5ill d%, Mas%n! Y%u can brin* 'ea! <E=i' MASON!> LA+Y MAR &Y! any'$in*! Well, I -us' say i' is -%s' ann%yin* '% l%se
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I re-e-ber %nce a' &a'$, years a*%, l%sin* in '$e Pu-4 R%%an e=ceedin*ly $ands%-e ca-e% bracele' '$a' Sir ,%$n $ad *i/en -e! I d%n.' '$in; $e $as e/er *i/en -e any'$in* since, I a- s%rry '% say! He $as sadly de*enera'ed! Really, '$is $%rrid H%use %) C%--%ns 1ui'e ruins %ur $usbands )%r us! I '$in; '$e L%5er H%use by )ar '$e *rea'es' bl%5 '% a $a44y -arried li)e '$a' '$ere $as been since '$a' 'errible '$in* called '$e Hi*$er Educa'i%n %) W%-en 5as in/en'ed! LA+Y CHILTERN! A$@ i' is $eresy '% say '$a' in '$is $%use, Lady Mar;by! R%ber' is a *rea' c$a-4i%n %) '$e Hi*$er Educa'i%n %) W%-en, and s%, I a- a)raid, a- I! MRS! CHEVELEY! T$e $i*$er educa'i%n %) -en is 5$a' I s$%uld li;e '% see! Men need i' s% sadly! LA+Y MAR &Y! T$ey d%, dear! &u' I a- a)raid suc$ a sc$e-e 5%uld be 1ui'e un4rac'ical! I d%n.' '$in; -an $as -uc$ ca4aci'y )%r de/el%4-en'! He $as *%' as )ar as $e can, and '$a' is n%' )ar, is i'? Wi'$ re*ard '% 5%-en, 5ell, dear "er'rude, y%u bel%n* '% '$e y%un*er *enera'i%n, and I a- sure i' is all ri*$' i) y%u a44r%/e %) i'! In -y 'i-e, %) c%urse, 5e 5ere 'au*$' n%' '% unders'and any'$in*! T$a' 5as '$e %ld sys'e-, and 5%nder)ully in'eres'in* i' 5as! I assure y%u '$a' '$e a-%un' %) '$in*s I and -y 4%%r dear sis'er 5ere 'au*$' n%' '% unders'and 5as 1ui'e e='ra%rdinary! &u' -%dern 5%-en unders'and e/ery'$in*, I a- '%ld! MRS! CHEVELEY! E=ce4' '$eir $usbands! '$in* '$e -%dern 5%-an ne/er unders'ands! T$a' is '$e %ne
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LA+Y MAR &Y! And a /ery *%%d '$in* '%%, dear, I dare say! I' -i*$' brea; u4 -any a $a44y $%-e i) '$ey did! N%' y%urs, I need $ardly say, "er'rude! Y%u $a/e -arried a 4a''ern $usband! I 5is$ I c%uld say as -uc$ )%r -ysel)! &u' since Sir ,%$n $as 'a;en '% a''endin* '$e deba'es re*ularly, 5$ic$ $e ne/er used '% d% in '$e *%%d %ld days, $is lan*ua*e $as bec%-e 1ui'e i-4%ssible! He al5ays see-s '% '$in; '$a' $e is addressin* '$e H%use, and c%nse1uen'ly 5$ene/er $e discusses '$e s'a'e %) '$e a*ricul'ural lab%urer, %r '$e Wels$ C$urc$, %r s%-e'$in* 1ui'e i-4r%4er %) '$a' ;ind, I a%bli*ed '% send all '$e ser/an's %u' %) '$e r%%-! I' is n%' 4leasan' '% see %ne.s %5n bu'ler, 5$% $as been 5i'$ %ne )%r '5en'y('$ree years, ac'ually blus$in* a' '$e side(b%ard, and '$e )%%'-en -a;in* c%n'%r'i%ns in c%rners li;e 4ers%ns in circuses! I assure y%u -y li)e 5ill be 1ui'e ruined unless '$ey send ,%$n a' %nce '% '$e #44er H%use! He 5%n.' 'a;e any in'eres' in 4%li'ics '$en, 5ill $e? T$e H%use %) L%rds is s% sensible! An asse-bly %) *en'le-en! &u' in $is 4resen' s'a'e, Sir ,%$n is really a *rea' 'rial! W$y, '$is -%rnin* be)%re brea;)as' 5as $al) %/er, $e s'%%d u4 %n '$e $ear'$ru*, 4u' $is $ands in $is 4%c;e's, and a44ealed '% '$e c%un'ry a' '$e '%4 %) $is /%ice! I le)' '$e 'able as s%%n as I $ad -y sec%nd cu4 %) 'ea, I need $ardly say! &u' $is /i%len' lan*ua*e c%uld be $eard all %/er '$e $%use@ I 'rus', "er'rude, '$a' Sir R%ber' is n%' li;e '$a' LA+Y CHILTERN! &u' I a- /ery -uc$ in'eres'ed in 4%li'ics, Lady Mar;by! I l%/e '% $ear R%ber' 'al; ab%u' '$e-!
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LA+Y MAR &Y! Well, I $%4e $e is n%' as de/%'ed '% &lue &%%;s as Sir ,%$n is! I d%n.' '$in; '$ey can be 1ui'e i-4r%/in* readin* )%r any %ne! MRS! CHEVELEY <Lan*uidly!> I $a/e ne/er read a &lue &%%;! I 4re)er b%%;s ! ! ! in yell%5 c%/ers! LA+Y MAR &Y! <"enially unc%nsci%us!> Yell%5 is c%l%ur, is i' n%'? I used '% 5ear yell%5 a *%%d deal in -y days, and 5%uld d% s% n%5 i) Sir ,%$n 5as n%' s% 4ain)ully in $is %bser/a'i%ns, and a -an %n '$e 1ues'i%n %) dress ridicul%us, is $e n%'? MRS! CHEVELEY! au'$%ri'ies %n dress! O$, n%@ I '$in; -en are '$e %nly a *ayer early 4ers%nal is al5ays
LA+Y MAR &Y! Really? $a's '$ey 5ear? 5%uld %ne?
One 5%uldn.' say s% )r%- '$e s%r' %)
<T$e bu'ler en'ers, )%ll%5ed by '$e )%%'-an! a s-all 'able cl%se '% LA+Y CHILTERN!> LA+Y CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! cu4 %) 'ea %n a sal/er!> LA+Y CHILTERN!
Tea is se' %n
May I *i/e y%u s%-e 'ea, Mrs! C$e/eley? T$an;s! <T$e bu'ler $ands MRS! CHEVELEY a
S%-e 'ea, Lady Mar;by?
LA+Y MAR &Y! N% '$an;s, dear! <T$e ser/an's *% %u'!> T$e )ac' is, I $a/e 4r%-ised '% *% r%und )%r 'en -inu'es '% see 4%%r Lady &rancas'er, 5$% is in /ery *rea' 'r%uble! Her dau*$'er, 1ui'e a 5ell(br%u*$'(u4 *irl, '%%, $as ac'ually bec%-e en*a*ed '% be -arried
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'% a cura'e in S$r%4s$ire! I' is /ery sad, /ery sad indeed! I can.' unders'and '$is -%dern -ania )%r cura'es! In -y 'i-e 5e *irls sa5 '$e-, %) c%urse, runnin* ab%u' '$e 4lace li;e rabbi's! &u' 5e ne/er '%%; any n%'ice %) '$e-, I need $ardly say! &u' I a- '%ld '$a' n%5adays c%un'ry s%cie'y is 1ui'e $%neyc%-bed 5i'$ '$e-! I '$in; i' -%s' irreli*i%us! And '$en '$e eldes' s%n $as 1uarrelled 5i'$ $is )a'$er, and i' is said '$a' 5$en '$ey -ee' a' '$e club L%rd &rancas'er al5ays $ides $i-sel) be$ind '$e -%ney ar'icle in THE TIMES! H%5e/er, I belie/e '$a' is 1ui'e a c%--%n %ccurrence n%5adays and '$a' '$ey $a/e '% 'a;e in e='ra c%4ies %) THE TIMES a' all '$e clubs in S'! ,a-es.s S'ree'A '$ere are s% -any s%ns 5$% 5%n.' $a/e any'$in* '% d% 5i'$ '$eir )a'$ers, and s% -any )a'$ers 5$% 5%n.' s4ea; '% '$eir s%ns! I '$in; -ysel), i' is /ery -uc$ '% be re*re''ed! MRS! CHEVELEY! )r%- '$eir s%ns n%5adays! LA+Y MAR &Y! S% d% I! Fa'$ers $a/e s% -uc$ '% learn
Really, dear?
W$a'? T$e %nly really Fine
MRS! CHEVELEY! T$e ar' %) li/in*! Ar' 5e $a/e 4r%duced in -%dern 'i-es!
LA+Y MAR &Y! <S$a;in* $er $ead!> A$@ I a- a)raid L%rd &rancas'er ;ne5 a *%%d deal ab%u' '$a'! M%re '$an $is 4%%r 5i)e e/er did! <Turnin* '% LA+Y CHILTERN!> Y%u ;n%5 Lady &rancas'er, d%n.' y%u, dear? LA+Y CHILTERN! ,us' sli*$'ly! las' au'u-n, 5$en 5e 5ere '$ere! S$e 5as s'ayin* a' Lan*'%n
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LA+Y MAR &Y! Well, li;e all s'%u' 5%-en, s$e l%%;s '$e /ery 4ic'ure %) $a44iness, as n% d%ub' y%u n%'iced! &u' '$ere are -any 'ra*edies in $er )a-ily, besides '$is a))air %) '$e cura'e! Her %5n sis'er, Mrs! ,e;yll, $ad a -%s' un$a44y li)eA '$r%u*$ n% )aul' %) $er %5n, I a- s%rry '% say! S$e ul'i-a'ely 5as s% br%;en($ear'ed '$a' s$e 5en' in'% a c%n/en', %r %n '% '$e %4era'ic s'a*e, I )%r*e' 5$ic$! N%A I '$in; i' 5as dec%ra'i/e ar'(needle5%r; s$e '%%; u4! I ;n%5 s$e $ad l%s' all sense %) 4leasure in li)e! <Risin*!> And n%5, "er'rude, i) y%u 5ill all%5 -e, I s$all lea/e Mrs! C$e/eley in y%ur c$ar*e and call bac; )%r $er in a 1uar'er %) an $%ur! Or 4er$a4s, dear Mrs! C$e/eley, y%u 5%uldn.' -ind 5ai'in* in '$e carria*e 5$ile I a- 5i'$ Lady &rancas'er! As I in'end i' '% be a /isi' %) c%nd%lence, I s$an.' s'ay l%n*! MRS! CHEVELEY <Risin*!> I d%n.' -ind 5ai'in* in '$e carria*e a' all, 4r%/ided '$ere is s%-eb%dy '% l%%; a' %ne! LA+Y MAR &Y! ab%u' '$e $%use! MRS! CHEVELEY! Well, I $ear '$e cura'e is al5ays 4r%5lin*
I a- a)raid I a- n%' )%nd %) *irl )riends!
LA+Y CHILTERN <Risin*!> O$, I $%4e Mrs! C$e/eley 5ill s'ay $ere a li''le! I s$%uld li;e '% $a/e a )e5 -inu'es. c%n/ersa'i%n 5i'$ $er! MRS! CHEVELEY! H%5 /ery ;ind %) y%u, Lady C$il'ern@ &elie/e -e, n%'$in* 5%uld *i/e -e *rea'er 4leasure!
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LA+Y MAR &Y! A$@ n% d%ub' y%u b%'$ $a/e -any 4leasan' re-iniscences %) y%ur sc$%%ldays '% 'al; %/er '%*e'$er! "%%d(bye, dear "er'rude@ S$all I see y%u a' Lady &%nar.s '%(ni*$'? S$e $as disc%/ered a 5%nder)ul ne5 *enius! He d%es ! ! ! n%'$in* a' all, I belie/e! T$a' is a *rea' c%-)%r', is i' n%'? LA+Y CHILTERN! R%ber' and I are dinin* a' $%-e by %ursel/es '%( ni*$', and I d%n.' '$in; I s$all *% any5$ere a)'er5ards! R%ber', %) c%urse, 5ill $a/e '% be in '$e H%use! &u' '$ere is n%'$in* in'eres'in* %n! LA+Y MAR &Y! +inin* a' $%-e by y%ursel/es? Is '$a' 1ui'e 4ruden'? A$, I )%r*%', y%ur $usband is an e=ce4'i%n! Mine is '$e *eneral rule, and n%'$in* a*es a 5%-an s% ra4idly as $a/in* -arried '$e *eneral rule! <E=i' LA+Y MAR &Y!> MRS! CHEVELEY! W%nder)ul 5%-an, Lady Mar;by, isn.' s$e? Tal;s -%re and says less '$an anyb%dy I e/er -e'! S$e is -ade '% be a 4ublic s4ea;er! Muc$ -%re s% '$an $er $usband, '$%u*$ $e is a 'y4ical En*lis$-an, al5ays dull and usually /i%len'! LA+Y CHILTERN! <Ma;es n% ans5er, bu' re-ains s'andin*! T$ere is a 4ause! T$en '$e eyes %) '$e '5% 5%-en -ee'! LA+Y CHILTERN l%%;s s'ern and 4ale! MRS! CHEVELEY see- ra'$er a-used!> Mrs! C$e/eley, I '$in; i' is ri*$' '% 'ell y%u 1ui'e )ran;ly '$a', $ad I ;n%5n 5$% y%u really 5ere, I s$%uld n%' $a/e in/i'ed y%u '% -y $%use las' ni*$'! MRS! CHEVELEY <Wi'$ an i-4er'inen' s-ile!> LA+Y CHILTERN! I c%uld n%' $a/e d%ne s%! Really?
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MRS! CHEVELEY! I see '$a' a)'er all '$ese years y%u $a/e n%' c$an*ed a bi', "er'rude! LA+Y CHILTERN! I ne/er c$an*e! T$en li)e $as
MRS! CHEVELEY <Ele/a'in* $er eyebr%5s!> 'au*$' y%u n%'$in*?
LA+Y CHILTERN! I' $as 'au*$' -e '$a' a 4ers%n 5$% $as %nce been *uil'y %) a dis$%nes' and dis$%n%urable ac'i%n -ay be *uil'y %) i' a sec%nd 'i-e, and s$%uld be s$unned! MRS! CHEVELEY! LA+Y CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! s%rry )%r y%u! W%uld y%u a44ly '$a' rule '% e/ery %ne? Yes, '% e/ery %ne, 5i'$%u' e=ce4'i%n! T$en I a- s%rry )%r y%u, "er'rude, /ery
LA+Y CHILTERN! Y%u see n%5, I 5as sure, '$a' )%r -any reas%ns any )ur'$er ac1uain'ance be'5een us durin* y%ur s'ay in L%nd%n is 1ui'e i-4%ssible? MRS! CHEVELEY <Leanin* bac; in $er c$air!> +% y%u ;n%5, "er'rude, I d%n.' -ind y%ur 'al;in* -%rali'y a bi'! M%rali'y is si-4ly '$e a''i'ude 5e ad%4' '%5ards 4e%4le 5$%- 5e 4ers%nally disli;e! Y%u disli;e -e! I a- 1ui'e a5are %) '$a'! And I $a/e al5ays de'es'ed y%u! And ye' I $a/e c%-e $ere '% d% y%u a ser/ice! LA+Y CHILTERN! <C%n'e-4'u%usly!> Li;e '$e ser/ice y%u 5is$ed '% render -y $usband las' ni*$', I su44%se! T$an; $ea/en, I sa/ed $i)r%- '$a'!
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MRS! CHEVELEY! <S'ar'in* '% $er )ee'!> I' 5as y%u 5$% -ade $i5ri'e '$a' ins%len' le''er '% -e? I' 5as y%u 5$% -ade $ibrea; $is 4r%-ise? LA+Y CHILTERN! Yes!
MRS! CHEVELEY! T$en y%u -us' -a;e $i- ;ee4 i'! I *i/e y%u 'ill '%( -%rr%5 -%rnin* ( n% -%re! I) by '$a' 'i-e y%ur $usband d%es n%' s%le-nly bind $i-sel) '% $el4 -e in '$is *rea' sc$e-e in 5$ic$ I ain'eres'ed ( LA+Y CHILTERN! T$is )raudulen' s4ecula'i%n (
MRS! CHEVELEY! Call i' 5$a' y%u c$%%se! I $%ld y%ur $usband in '$e $%ll%5 %) -y $and, and i) y%u are 5ise y%u 5ill -a;e $i- d% 5$a' I 'ell $i-! LA+Y CHILTERN! <Risin* and *%in* '%5ards $er!> Y%u are i-4er'inen'! W$a' $as -y $usband '% d% 5i'$ y%u? Wi'$ a 5%-an li;e y%u? MRS! CHEVELEY <Wi'$ a bi''er lau*$!> In '$is 5%rld li;e -ee's 5i'$ li;e! I' is because y%ur $usband is $i-sel) )raudulen' and dis$%nes' '$a' 5e 4air s% 5ell '%*e'$er! &e'5een y%u and $i- '$ere are c$as-s! He and I are cl%ser '$an )riends! We are ene-ies lin;ed '%*e'$er! T$e sa-e sin binds us! LA+Y CHILTERN! H%5 dare y%u class -y $usband 5i'$ y%ursel)? H%5 dare y%u '$rea'en $i- %r -e? Lea/e -y $%use! Y%u are un)i' '% en'er i'! <SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN en'ers )r%- be$ind! 5i)e.s las' He $ears $is
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5%rds, and sees '% 5$%- '$ey are addressed! deadly 4ale!>
He *r%5s
MRS! CHEVELEY! Y%ur $%use@ A $%use b%u*$' 5i'$ '$e 4rice %) dis$%n%ur! A $%use, e/ery'$in* in 5$ic$ $as been 4aid )%r by )raud! <Turns r%und and sees SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!> As; $i- 5$a' '$e %ri*in %) $is )%r'une is@ "e' $i- '% 'ell y%u $%5 $e s%ld '% a s'%c;br%;er a Cabine' secre'! Learn )r%- $i- '% 5$a' y%u %5e y%ur 4%si'i%n! LA+Y CHILTERN! I' is n%' 'rue@ R%ber'@ I' is n%' 'rue@
MRS! CHEVELEY! <P%in'in* a' $i- 5i'$ %u's're'c$ed )in*er!> L%%; a' $i-@ Can $e deny i'? +%es $e dare '%? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! 5%rs' n%5! "%@ "% a' %nce! Y%u $a/e d%ne y%ur
MRS! CHEVELEY! My 5%rs'? I $a/e n%' ye' )inis$ed 5i'$ y%u, 5i'$ ei'$er %) y%u! I *i/e y%u b%'$ 'ill '%(-%rr%5 a' n%%n! I) by '$en y%u d%n.' d% 5$a' I bid y%u '% d%, '$e 5$%le 5%rld s$all ;n%5 '$e %ri*in %) R%ber' C$il'ern! <SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN s'ri;es '$e bell! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! En'er MASON!>
S$%5 Mrs! C$e/eley %u'!
<MRS! CHEVELEY s'ar'sA '$en b%5s 5i'$ s%-e5$a' e=a**era'ed 4%li'eness '% LA+Y CHILTERN, 5$% -a;es n% si*n %) res4%nse! As s$e 4asses by SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN, 5$% is s'andin* cl%se '% '$e d%%r, s$e 4auses )%r a -%-en' and l%%;s $i- s'rai*$' in '$e )ace! S$e '$en *%es %u', )%ll%5ed by '$e ser/an', 5$% cl%ses '$e d%%r a)'er $i-! T$e $usband and 5i)e are le)' al%ne! LA+Y CHILTERN s'ands li;e s%-e %ne in a
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dread)ul drea-! T$en s$e 'urns r%und and l%%;s a' $er $usband! S$e l%%;s a' $i- 5i'$ s'ran*e eyes, as '$%u*$ s$e 5ere seein* $i- )%r '$e )irs' 'i-e!> LA+Y CHILTERN! Y%u s%ld a Cabine' secre' )%r -%ney@ Y%u be*an y%ur li)e 5i'$ )raud@ Y%u buil' u4 y%ur career %n dis$%n%ur@ O$, 'ell -e i' is n%' 'rue@ Lie '% -e@ Lie '% -e@ Tell -e i' is n%' 'rue@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' '$is 5%-an said is 1ui'e 'rue! &u', "er'rude, lis'en '% -e! Y%u d%n.' realise $%5 I 5as 'e-4'ed! Le' -e 'ell y%u '$e 5$%le '$in*! <"%es '%5ards $er!> LA+Y CHILTERN! +%n.' c%-e near -e! +%n.' '%uc$ -e! I )eel as i) y%u $ad s%iled -e )%r e/er! O$@ 5$a' a -as; y%u $a/e been 5earin* all '$ese years@ A $%rrible 4ain'ed -as;@ Y%u s%ld y%ursel) )%r -%ney! O$@ a c%--%n '$ie) 5ere be''er! Y%u 4u' y%ursel) u4 '% sale '% '$e $i*$es' bidder@ Y%u 5ere b%u*$' in '$e -ar;e'! Y%u lied '% '$e 5$%le 5%rld! And ye' y%u 5ill n%' lie '% -e! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "er'rude@ <Rus$in* '%5ards $er!> "er'rude@
LA+Y CHILTERN! <T$rus'in* $i- bac; 5i'$ %u's're'c$ed $ands!> N%, d%n.' s4ea;@ Say n%'$in*@ Y%ur /%ice 5a;es 'errible -e-%ries ( -e-%ries %) '$in*s '$a' -ade -e l%/e y%u ( -e-%ries %) 5%rds '$a' -ade -e l%/e y%u ( -e-%ries '$a' n%5 are $%rrible '% -e! And $%5 I 5%rs$i44ed y%u@ Y%u 5ere '% -e s%-e'$in* a4ar' )r%- c%--%n li)e, a '$in* 4ure, n%ble, $%nes', 5i'$%u' s'ain! T$e 5%rld see-ed '% -e
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)iner because y%u 5ere in i', and *%%dness -%re real because y%u li/ed! And n%5 ( %$, 5$en I '$in; '$a' I -ade %) a -an li;e y%u -y ideal@ '$e ideal %) -y li)e@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$ere 5as y%ur -is'a;e! T$ere 5as y%ur err%r! T$e err%r all 5%-en c%--i'! W$y can.' y%u 5%-en l%/e us, )aul's and all? W$y d% y%u 4lace us %n -%ns'r%us 4edes'als? We $a/e all )ee' %) clay, 5%-en as 5ell as -enA bu' 5$en 5e -en l%/e 5%-en, 5e l%/e '$e- ;n%5in* '$eir 5ea;nesses, '$eir )%llies, '$eir i-4er)ec'i%ns, l%/e '$e- all '$e -%re, i' -ay be, )%r '$a' reas%n! I' is n%' '$e 4er)ec', bu' '$e i-4er)ec', 5$% $a/e need %) l%/e! I' is 5$en 5e are 5%unded by %ur %5n $ands, %r by '$e $ands %) %'$ers, '$a' l%/e s$%uld c%-e '% cure us ( else 5$a' use is l%/e a' all? All sins, e=ce4' a sin a*ains' i'sel), L%/e s$%uld )%r*i/e! All li/es, sa/e l%/eless li/es, 'rue L%/e s$%uld 4ard%n! A -an.s l%/e is li;e '$a'! I' is 5ider, lar*er, -%re $u-an '$an a 5%-an.s! W%-en '$in; '$a' '$ey are -a;in* ideals %) -en! W$a' '$ey are -a;in* %) us are )alse id%ls -erely! Y%u -ade y%ur )alse id%l %) -e, and I $ad n%' '$e c%ura*e '% c%-e d%5n, s$%5 y%u -y 5%unds, 'ell y%u -y 5ea;nesses! I 5as a)raid '$a' I -i*$' l%se y%ur l%/e, as I $a/e l%s' i' n%5! And s%, las' ni*$' y%u ruined -y li)e )%r -e ( yes, ruined i'@ W$a' '$is 5%-an as;ed %) -e 5as n%'$in* c%-4ared '% 5$a' s$e %))ered '% -e! S$e %))ered securi'y, 4eace, s'abili'y! T$e sin %) -y y%u'$, '$a' I $ad '$%u*$' 5as buried, r%se u4 in )r%n' %) -e, $ide%us, $%rrible, 5i'$
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i's $ands a' -y '$r%a'! I c%uld $a/e ;illed i' )%r e/er, sen' i' bac; in'% i's '%-b, des'r%yed i's rec%rd, burned '$e %ne 5i'ness a*ains' -e! Y%u 4re/en'ed -e! N% %ne bu' y%u, y%u ;n%5 i'! And n%5 5$a' is '$ere be)%re -e bu' 4ublic dis*race, ruin, 'errible s$a-e, '$e -%c;ery %) '$e 5%rld, a l%nely dis$%n%ured li)e, a l%nely dis$%n%ured dea'$, i' -ay be, s%-e day? Le' 5%-en -a;e n% -%re ideals %) -en@ le' '$e- n%' 4u' '$e- %n al'ers and b%5 be)%re '$e-, %r '$ey -ay ruin %'$er li/es as c%-4le'ely as y%u ( y%u 5$%- I $a/e s% 5ildly l%/ed ( $a/e ruined -ine@ <He 4asses )r%- '$e r%%-! LA+Y CHILTERN rus$es '%5ards $i-, bu' '$e d%%r is cl%sed 5$en s$e reac$es i'! Pale 5i'$ an*uis$, be5ildered, $el4less, s$e s5ays li;e a 4lan' in '$e 5a'er! Her $ands, %u's're'c$ed, s'e- '% 're-ble in '$e air li;e bl%ss%-s in '$e -ind! T$en s$e )lin*s $ersel) d%5n beside a s%)a and buries $er )ace! Her s%bs are li;e '$e s%bs %) a c$ild!> ACT +ROP
THIR+ ACT
SCENE T$e Library in L%rd "%rin*.s $%use! An Ada- r%%-! On '$e ri*$' is '$e d%%r leadin* in'% '$e $all! On '$e le)', '$e d%%r %) '$e s-%;in*(r%%-! A 4air %) )%ldin* d%%rs a' '$e bac; %4en in'% '$e dra5in*(r%%-! T$e )ire is li'! P$i44s, '$e bu'ler, is arran*in*
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s%-e ne5s4a4ers %n '$e 5ri'in*('able! T$e dis'inc'i%n %) P$i44s is $is i-4assi/i'y! He $as been 'er-ed by en'$usias's '$e Ideal &u'ler! T$e S4$in= is n%' s% inc%--unicable! He is a -as; 5i'$ a -anner! O) $is in'ellec'ual %r e-%'i%nal li)e, $is'%ry ;n%5s n%'$in*! He re4resen's '$e d%-inance %) )%r-! <En'er LOR+ "ORIN" in e/enin* dress 5i'$ a bu''%n$%le! He is 5earin* a sil; $a' and In/erness ca4e! W$i'e(*l%/ed, $e carries a L%uis Sei2e cane! His are all '$e delica'e )%44eries %) Fas$i%n! One sees '$a' $e s'ands in i--edia'e rela'i%n '% -%dern li)e, -a;es i' indeed, and s% -as'ers i'! He is '$e )irs' 5ell(dressed 4$il%s%4$er in '$e $is'%ry %) '$%u*$'!> LOR+ "ORIN"! "%' -y sec%nd bu''%n$%le )%r -e, P$i44s?
PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd! <Ta;es $is $a', cane, and ca4e, and 4resen's ne5 bu''%n$%le %n sal/er!> LOR+ "ORIN"! Ra'$er dis'in*uis$ed '$in*, P$i44s! I a- '$e %nly 4ers%n %) '$e s-alles' i-4%r'ance in L%nd%n a' 4resen' 5$% 5ears a bu''%n$%le! PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd! I $a/e %bser/ed '$a',
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Ta;in* %u' %ld bu''%n$%le!> Y%u see, P$i44s, Fas$i%n is 5$a' %ne 5ears %nesel)! W$a' is un)as$i%nable is 5$a' %'$er 4e%4le 5ear! PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd! ,us' as /ul*ari'y is si-4ly '$e c%nduc' %)
LOR+ "ORIN"! %'$er 4e%4le!
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PHIPPS!
Yes, -y l%rd! And
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Pu''in* in a ne5 bu''%n$%le!> )alse$%%ds '$e 'ru'$s %) %'$er 4e%4le! PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd!
LOR+ "ORIN"! O'$er 4e%4le are 1ui'e dread)ul! 4%ssible s%cie'y is %nesel)! PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd!
T$e %nly
LOR+ "ORIN"! T% l%/e %nesel) is '$e be*innin* %) a li)el%n* r%-ance, P$i44s! PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <L%%;in* a' $i-sel) in '$e *lass!> +%n.' '$in; I 1ui'e li;e '$is bu''%n$%le, P$i44s! Ma;es -e l%%; a li''le '%% %ld! Ma;es -e al-%s' in '$e 4ri-e %) li)e, e$, P$i44s? PHIPPS! I d%n.' %bser/e any al'era'i%n in y%ur l%rds$i4.s a44earance! LOR+ "ORIN"! PHIPPS! Y%u d%n.', P$i44s?
N%, -y l%rd!
LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- n%' 1ui'e sure! F%r '$e )u'ure a -%re 'ri/ial bu''%n$%le, P$i44s, %n T$ursday e/enin*s! PHIPPS! I 5ill s4ea; '% '$e )l%ris', -y l%rd! S$e $as $ad a l%ss in $er )a-ily la'ely, 5$ic$ 4er$a4s acc%un's )%r '$e lac; %) 'ri/iali'y y%ur l%rds$i4 c%-4lains %) in '$e bu''%n$%le! LOR+ "ORIN"! E='ra%rdinary '$in* ab%u' '$e l%5er classes in En*land ( '$ey are al5ays l%sin* '$eir rela'i%ns!
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PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd@ '$a' res4ec'!
T$ey are e='re-ely )%r'una'e in PHIPPS re-ains
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Turns r%und and l%%;s a' $i-! i-4assi/e!> Hu-@ Any le''ers, P$i44s? PHIPPS! T$ree, -y l%rd!
<Hands le''ers %n a sal/er!> Wan' -y cab r%und in '5en'y
LOR+ "ORIN"! -inu'es! PHIPPS!
<Ta;es le''ers!>
Yes, -y l%rd!
<"%es '%5ards d%%r!> A$e-@
LOR+ "ORIN"! <H%lds u4 le''er in 4in; en/el%4e!> P$i44s, 5$en did '$is le''er arri/e?
PHIPPS! I' 5as br%u*$' by $and Bus' a)'er y%ur l%rds$i4 5en' '% '$e club! LOR+ "ORIN"! T$a' 5ill d%! <E=i' PHIPPS!> Lady C$il'ern.s $and5ri'in* %n Lady C$il'ern.s 4in; n%'e4a4er! T$a' is ra'$er curi%us! I '$%u*$' R%ber' 5as '% 5ri'e! W%nder 5$a' Lady C$il'ern $as *%' '% say '% -e? <Si's a' bureau and %4ens le''er, and reads i'!> .I 5an' y%u! I 'rus' y%u! I a- c%-in* '% y%u! "er'rude!. <Pu's d%5n '$e le''er 5i'$ a 4u22led l%%;! T$en 'a;es i' u4, and reads i' a*ain sl%5ly!> .I 5an' y%u! I 'rus' y%u! I ac%-in* '% y%u!. S% s$e $as )%und %u' e/ery'$in*@ P%%r 5%-an@ P%%r 5%-an@ < Pulls %u' 5a'c$ and l%%;s a' i'!> &u' 5$a' an $%ur '% call@ Ten %.cl%c;@ I s$all $a/e '% *i/e u4 *%in* '% '$e &er;s$ires! H%5e/er, i' is al5ays nice '% be e=4ec'ed, and n%' '% arri/e! I an%' e=4ec'ed a' '$e &ac$el%rs., s% I s$all cer'ainly *% '$ere! Well, I 5ill -a;e $er s'and by $er $usband! T$a' is '$e %nly '$in* )%r $er
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'% d%! T$a' is '$e %nly '$in* )%r any 5%-an '% '$e *r%5'$ %) '$e -%ral sense in 5%-en '$a' -a;es -arria*e $%4eless, %ne( sided ins'i'u'i%n! Ten %.cl%c;! S$e s$%uld be I -us' 'ell P$i44s I a- n%' in '% any %ne else! <"%es bell> <En'er PHIPPS!> PHIPPS! L%rd Ca/ers$a-!
d%!
I' is
suc$ a $ere s%%n! '%5ards
LOR+ "ORIN"! O$, 5$y 5ill 4aren's al5ays a44ear a' '$e 5r%n* 'i-e? S%-e e='ra%rdinary -is'a;e in na'ure, I su44%se! <En'er LOR+ CAVERSHAM!> +eli*$'ed '% see y%u, -y dear )a'$er! <"%es '% -ee' $i-!> LOR+ CAVERSHAM! LOR+ "ORIN"! Ta;e -y cl%a; %))!
Is i' 5%r'$ 5$ile, )a'$er? W$ic$
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! O) c%urse i' is 5%r'$ 5$ile, sir! is '$e -%s' c%-)%r'able c$air? LOR+ "ORIN"! T$is %ne, )a'$er! -ysel), 5$en I $a/e /isi'%rs! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! r%%-? LOR+ "ORIN"! T$an; ye!
I' is '$e c$air I use
N% drau*$', I $%4e, in '$is
N%, )a'$er! "lad '% $ear i'! Can.'
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <Si''in* d%5n!> s'and drau*$'s! N% drau*$'s a' $%-e! LOR+ "ORIN"!
"%%d -any bree2es, )a'$er!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! E$? E$? +%n.' unders'and 5$a' y%u -ean! Wan' '% $a/e a seri%us c%n/ersa'i%n 5i'$ y%u, sir!
85
LOR+ "ORIN"!
My dear )a'$er@
A' '$is $%ur?
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Well, sir, i' is %nly 'en %.cl%c;! W$a' is y%ur %bBec'i%n '% '$e $%ur? I '$in; '$e $%ur is an ad-irable $%ur@ LOR+ "ORIN"! Well, '$e )ac' is, )a'$er, '$is is n%' -y day )%r 'al;in* seri%usly! I a- /ery s%rry, bu' i' is n%' -y day! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! W$a' d% y%u -ean, sir?
LOR+ "ORIN"! +urin* '$e Seas%n, )a'$er, I %nly 'al; seri%usly %n '$e )irs' Tuesday in e/ery -%n'$, )r%- )%ur '% se/en! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Tuesday! Well, -a;e i' Tuesday, sir, -a;e i'
LOR+ "ORIN"! &u' i' is a)'er se/en, )a'$er, and -y d%c'%r says I -us' n%' $a/e any seri%us c%n/ersa'i%n a)'er se/en! I' -a;es -e 'al; in -y slee4! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Tal; in y%ur slee4, sir? -a''er? Y%u are n%' -arried! LOR+ "ORIN"! N%, )a'$er, I a- n%' -arried! W$a' d%es '$a'
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Hu-@ T$a' is 5$a' I $a/e c%-e '% 'al; '% y%u ab%u', sir! Y%u $a/e *%' '% *e' -arried, and a' %nce! W$y, 5$en I 5as y%ur a*e, sir, I $ad been an inc%ns%lable 5id%5er )%r '$ree -%n'$s, and 5as already 4ayin* -y addresses '% y%ur ad-irable -%'$er! +a--e, sir, i' is y%ur du'y '% *e' -arried! Y%u can.' be al5ays li/in* )%r 4leasure! E/ery -an %) 4%si'i%n is -arried n%5adays! &ac$el%rs are n%' )as$i%nable any -%re! T$ey are a da-a*ed l%'! T%% -uc$ is ;n%5n
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ab%u' '$e-! Y%u -us' *e' a 5i)e, sir! L%%; 5$ere y%ur )riend R%ber' C$il'ern $as *%' '% by 4r%bi'y, $ard 5%r;, and a sensible -arria*e 5i'$ a *%%d 5%-an! W$y d%n.' y%u i-i'a'e $i-, sir? W$y d%n.' y%u 'a;e $i- )%r y%ur -%del? LOR+ "ORIN"! I '$in; I s$all, )a'$er!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! I 5is$ y%u 5%uld, sir! T$en I s$%uld be $a44y! A' 4resen' I -a;e y%ur -%'$er.s li)e -iserable %n y%ur acc%un'! Y%u are $ear'less, sir, 1ui'e $ear'less LOR+ "ORIN"! I $%4e n%', )a'$er!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! And i' is $i*$ 'i-e )%r y%u '% *e' -arried! Y%u are '$ir'y()%ur years %) a*e, sir! LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes, )a'$er, bu' I %nly ad-i' '% '$ir'y('5% ( '$ir'y( %ne and a $al) 5$en I $a/e a really *%%d bu''%n$%le! T$is bu''%n$%le is n%' ! ! ! 'ri/ial en%u*$! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! I 'ell y%u y%u are '$ir'y()%ur, sir! And '$ere is a drau*$' in y%ur r%%-, besides, 5$ic$ -a;es y%ur c%nduc' 5%rse! W$y did y%u 'ell -e '$ere 5as n% drau*$', sir? I )eel a drau*$', sir, I )eel i' dis'inc'ly! LOR+ "ORIN"! S% d% I, )a'$er! I' is a dread)ul drau*$'! I 5ill c%-e and see y%u '%(-%rr%5, )a'$er! We can 'al; %/er any'$in* y%u li;e! Le' -e $el4 y%u %n 5i'$ y%ur cl%a;, )a'$er! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! N%, sirA I $a/e called '$is e/enin* )%r a de)ini'e 4ur4%se, and I a- *%in* '% see i' '$r%u*$ a' all c%s's '% -y $eal'$ %r y%urs! Pu' d%5n -y cl%a;, sir!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! Cer'ainly, )a'$er! &u' le' us *% in'% an%'$er r%%-! <Rin*s bell!> T$ere is a dread)ul drau*$' $ere! <En'er PHIPPS!> P$i44s, is '$ere a *%%d )ire in '$e s-%;in*(r%%-? PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd! Y%ur snee2es are 1ui'e
LOR+ "ORIN"! C%-e in '$ere, )a'$er! $ear'rendin*! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! snee2e 5$en I c$%%se?
Well, sir, I su44%se I $a/e a ri*$' '%
LOR+ "ORIN"! <A4%l%*e'ically!> -erely e=4ressin* sy-4a'$y!
Cui'e s%, )a'$er!
I 5as
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! O$, da-n sy-4a'$y! T$ere is a *rea' deal '%% -uc$ %) '$a' s%r' %) '$in* *%in* %n n%5adays! LOR+ "ORIN"! I 1ui'e a*ree 5i'$ y%u, )a'$er! I) '$ere 5as less sy-4a'$y in '$e 5%rld '$ere 5%uld be less 'r%uble in '$e 5%rld! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <"%in* '%5ards '$e s-%;in*(r%%-!> a 4arad%=, sir! I $a'e 4arad%=es! LOR+ "ORIN"! S% d% I, )a'$er! 4arad%= n%5adays! I' is a *rea' b%re! T$a' is
E/eryb%dy %ne -ee's is a I' -a;es s%cie'y s% %b/i%us!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <Turnin* r%und, and l%%;in* a' $is s%n benea'$ $is bus$y eyebr%5s!> +% y%u al5ays really unders'and 5$a' y%u say, sir? LOR+ "ORIN"! lis'en a''en'i/ely! <A)'er s%-e $esi'a'i%n!> Yes, )a'$er, i) I
88
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <Indi*nan'ly!> ! ! ! C%ncei'ed y%un* 4u44y@
I) y%u lis'en a''en'i/ely@
<"%es %)) *ru-blin* in'% '$e s-%;in*(r%%-!
PHIPPS en'ers!>
LOR+ "ORIN"! P$i44s, '$ere is a lady c%-in* '% see -e '$is e/enin* %n 4ar'icular business! S$%5 $er in'% '$e dra5in*(r%%5$en s$e arri/es! Y%u unders'and? PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd! I' is a -a''er %) '$e *ra/es' i-4%r'ance,
LOR+ "ORIN"! P$i44s! PHIPPS!
I unders'and, -y l%rd!
LOR+ "ORIN"! N% %ne else is '% be ad-i''ed, under any circu-s'ances! PHIPPS! I unders'and, -y l%rd! <&ell rin*s!> I s$all see
LOR+ "ORIN"! $er -ysel)!
A$@ '$a' is 4r%bably '$e lady!
<,us' as $e is *%in* '%5ards '$e d%%r LOR+ CAVERSHAM en'ers )r%- '$e s-%;in*(r%%-!> LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Well, sir? a- I '% 5ai' a''endance %n y%u? In a -%-en', Well, re-e-ber -y
LOR+ "ORIN"! <C%nsiderably 4er4le=ed!> )a'$er! +% e=cuse -e! <LOR+ CAVERSHAM *%es bac;!> ins'ruc'i%ns, P$i44s ( in'% '$a' r%%-! PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd!
<LOR+ "ORIN" *%es in'% '$e s-%;in*(r%%-! HAROL+, '$e )%%'-an s$%5s MRS! CHEVELEY in! La-ia(li;e, s$e is in *reen and sil/er! S$e $as a cl%a; %) blac; sa'in, lined 5i'$ dead r%se(lea) sil;!> HAROL+! W$a' na-e, -ada-?
89
MRS! CHEVELEY! <T% PHIPPS, 5$% ad/ances '%5ards $er!> L%rd "%rin* n%' $ere? I 5as '%ld $e 5as a' $%-e? PHIPPS! His l%rds$i4 is en*a*ed a' 4resen' 5i'$ L%rd Ca/ers$a-, -ada-!
Is
<Turns a c%ld, *lassy eye %n HAROL+, 5$% a' %nce re'ires!> MRS! CHEVELEY! <T% $ersel)!> H%5 /ery )ilial@
PHIPPS! His l%rds$i4 '%ld -e '% as; y%u, -ada-, '% be ;ind en%u*$ '% 5ai' in '$e dra5in*(r%%- )%r $i-! His l%rds$i4 5ill c%-e '% y%u '$ere! MRS! CHEVELEY! e=4ec's -e? PHIPPS! <Wi'$ a l%%; %) sur4rise!> L%rd "%rin*
Yes, -ada-! Are y%u 1ui'e sure?
MRS! CHEVELEY!
PHIPPS! His l%rds$i4 '%ld -e '$a' i) a lady called I 5as '% as; $er '% 5ai' in '$e dra5in*(r%%-! <"%es '% '$e d%%r %) '$e dra5in*(r%%and %4ens i'!> His l%rds$i4.s direc'i%ns %n '$e subBec' 5ere /ery 4recise! MRS! CHEVELEY! <T% $ersel)> H%5 '$%u*$')ul %) $i-@ T% e=4ec' '$e une=4ec'ed s$%5s a '$%r%u*$ly -%dern in'ellec'! <"%es '%5ards '$e dra5in*(r%%- and l%%;s in!> #*$@ H%5 dreary a bac$el%r.s dra5in*( r%%- al5ays l%%;s! I s$all $a/e '% al'er all '$is! <PHIPPS brin*s '$e la-4 )r%- '$e 5ri'in*('able!> N%, I d%n.' care )%r '$a' la-4! I' is )ar '%% *larin*! Li*$' s%-e candles! PHIPPS! <Re4laces la-4!> Cer'ainly, -ada-!
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MRS! CHEVELEY! s$ades! PHIPPS! ye'!
I $%4e '$e candles $a/e /ery bec%-in*
We $a/e $ad n% c%-4lain's ab%u' '$e-, -ada-, as
<Passes in'% '$e dra5in*(r%%- and be*ins '% li*$' '$e candles!> MRS! CHEVELEY! <T% $ersel)!> I 5%nder 5$a' 5%-an $e is 5ai'in* )%r '%(ni*$'! I' 5ill be deli*$')ul '% ca'c$ $i-! Men al5ays l%%; s% silly 5$en '$ey are cau*$'! And '$ey are al5ays bein* cau*$'! <L%%;s ab%u' r%%- and a44r%ac$es '$e 5ri'in*('able!> W$a' a /ery in'eres'in* r%%-@ W$a' a /ery in'eres'in* 4ic'ure@ W%nder 5$a' $is c%rres4%ndence is li;e! <Ta;es u4 le''ers!> O$, 5$a' a /ery unin'eres'in* c%rres4%ndence@ &ills and cards, deb's and d%5a*ers@ W$% %n ear'$ 5ri'es '% $i- %n 4in; 4a4er? H%5 silly '% 5ri'e %n 4in; 4a4er@ I' l%%;s li;e '$e be*innin* %) a -iddle(class r%-ance! R%-ance s$%uld ne/er be*in 5i'$ sen'i-en'! I' s$%uld be*in 5i'$ science and end 5i'$ a se''le-en'! <Pu's le''er d%5n, '$en 'a;es i' u4 a*ain!> I ;n%5 '$a' $and5ri'in*! T$a' is "er'rude C$il'ern.s! I re-e-ber i' 4er)ec'ly! T$e 'en c%--and-en's in e/ery s'r%;e %) '$e 4en, and '$e -%ral la5 all %/er '$e 4a*e! W%nder 5$a' "er'rude is 5ri'in* '% $i- ab%u'? S%-e'$in* $%rrid ab%u' -e, I su44%se! H%5 I de'es' '$a' 5%-an@ <Reads i'!> .I 'rus' y%u! I 5an' y%u! I ac%-in* '% y%u! "er'rude!. .I 'rus' y%u! I 5an' y%u! I a- c%-in* '% y%u!.
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<A l%%; %) 'riu-4$ c%-es %/er $er )ace! '% s'eal '$e le''er, 5$en PHIPPS c%-es in!>
S$e is Bus' ab%u'
PHIPPS! T$e candles in '$e dra5in*(r%%- are li', -ada-, as y%u direc'ed! MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an; y%u! <Rises $as'ily and sli4s '$e le''er under a lar*e sil/er(cased bl%''in*(b%%; '$a' is lyin* %n '$e 'able!> PHIPPS! I 'rus' '$e s$ades 5ill be '% y%ur li;in*, -ada-! T$ey are '$e -%s' bec%-in* 5e $a/e! T$ey are '$e sa-e as $is l%rds$i4 uses $i-sel) 5$en $e is dressin* )%r dinner! MRS! CHEVELEY! <Wi'$ a s-ile!> 4er)ec'ly ri*$'! PHIPPS! <"ra/ely!> T$en I a- sure '$ey 5ill be
T$an; y%u, -ada-!
<MRS! CHEVELEY *%es in'% '$e dra5in*(r%%-! PHIPPS cl%ses '$e d%%r and re'ires! T$e d%%r is '$en sl%5ly %4ened, and MRS! CHEVELEY c%-es %u' and cree4s s'eal'$ily '%5ards '$e 5ri'in*('able! Suddenly /%ices are $eard )r%- '$e s-%;in*(r%%-! MRS! CHEVELEY *r%5s 4ale, and s'%4s! T$e /%ices *r%5 l%uder, and s$e *%es bac; in'% '$e dra5in*( r%%-, bi'in* $er li4!> <En'er LOR+ "ORIN" and LOR+ CAVERSHAM!> LOR+ "ORIN"! <E=4%s'ula'in*!> My dear )a'$er, i) I a- '% *e' -arried, surely y%u 5ill all%5 -e '% c$%%se '$e 'i-e, 4lace, and 4ers%n? Par'icularly '$e 4ers%n! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Y%u 5%uld <Tes'ily!> T$a' is a -a''er )%r -e, sir!
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4r%bably -a;e a /ery 4%%r c$%ice! I' is I 5$% s$%uld be c%nsul'ed, n%' y%u! T$ere is 4r%4er'y a' s'a;e! I' is n%' a -a''er )%r a))ec'i%n! A))ec'i%n c%-es la'er %n in -arried li)e! LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes! In -arried li)e a))ec'i%n c%-es 5$en 4e%4le '$%r%u*$ly disli;e eac$ %'$er, )a'$er, d%esn.' i'? <Pu's %n LOR+ CAVERSHAM.S cl%a; )%r $i-!> LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Cer'ainly, sir! air! Y%u are 'al;in* /ery )%%lis$ly '%(ni*$'! -arria*e is a -a''er )%r c%--%n sense! I -ean cer'ainly n%', W$a' I say is '$a'
LOR+ "ORIN"! &u' 5%-en 5$% $a/e c%--%n sense are s% curi%usly 4lain, )a'$er, aren.' '$ey? O) c%urse I %nly s4ea; )r%- $earsay! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! N% 5%-an, 4lain %r 4re''y, $as any c%--%n sense a' all, sir! C%--%n sense is '$e 4ri/ile*e %) %ur se=! LOR+ "ORIN"! Cui'e s%! And 5e -en are s% sel)(sacri)icin* '$a' 5e ne/er use i', d% 5e, )a'$er? LOR+ CAVERSHAM! LOR+ "ORIN"! I use i', sir! I use n%'$in* else!
S% -y -%'$er 'ells -e!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! I' is '$e secre' %) y%ur -%'$er.s $a44iness! Y%u are /ery $ear'less, sir, /ery $ear'less! LOR+ "ORIN"! I $%4e n%', )a'$er! T$en re'urns, l%%;in* ra'$er 4u'
<"%es %u' )%r a -%-en'! %u', 5i'$ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! luc;
My dear Ar'$ur, 5$a' a 4iece %) *%%d
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-ee'in* y%u %n '$e d%%rs'e4@ Y%ur ser/an' $ad Bus' '%ld -e y%u 5ere n%' a' $%-e! H%5 e='ra%rdinary@ LOR+ "ORIN"! T$e )ac' is, I a- $%rribly busy '%(ni*$', R%ber', and I *a/e %rders I 5as n%' a' $%-e '% any %ne! E/en -y )a'$er $ad a c%-4ara'i/ely c%ld rece4'i%n! He c%-4lained %) a drau*$' '$e 5$%le 'i-e! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! A$@ y%u -us' be a' $%-e '% -e, Ar'$ur! Y%u are -y bes' )riend! Per$a4s by '%(-%rr%5 y%u 5ill be -y %nly )riend! My 5i)e $as disc%/ered e/ery'$in*! LOR+ "ORIN"! A$@ I *uessed as -uc$@ <L%%;in* a' $i-!> Really@ H%5?
LOR+ "ORIN"! <A)'er s%-e $esi'a'i%n!> O$, -erely by s%-e'$in* in '$e e=4ressi%n %) y%ur )ace as y%u ca-e in! W$% '%ld $er? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Mrs! C$e/eley $ersel)! And '$e 5%-an I l%/e ;n%5s '$a' I be*an -y career 5i'$ an ac' %) l%5 dis$%nes'y, '$a' I buil' u4 -y li)e u4%n sands %) s$a-e ( '$a' I s%ld, li;e a c%--%n $uc;s'er, '$e secre' '$a' $ad been in'rus'ed '% -e as a -an %) $%n%ur! I '$an; $ea/en 4%%r L%rd Radley died 5i'$%u' ;n%5in* '$a' I be'rayed $i-! I 5%uld '% "%d I $ad died be)%re I $ad been s% $%rribly 'e-4'ed, %r $ad )allen s% l%5! <&uryin* $is )ace in $is $ands!> LOR+ "ORIN"! <A)'er a 4ause!> Vienna ye', in ans5er '% y%ur 5ire? Y%u $a/e $eard n%'$in* )r%-
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <L%%;in* u4!> YesA I *%' a 'ele*ra)r%- '$e )irs' secre'ary a' ei*$' %.cl%c; '%(ni*$'! LOR+ "ORIN"! Well?
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! N%'$in* is abs%lu'ely ;n%5n a*ains' $er! On '$e c%n'rary, s$e %ccu4ies a ra'$er $i*$ 4%si'i%n in s%cie'y! I' is a s%r' %) %4en secre' '$a' &ar%n Arn$ei- le)' $er '$e *rea'er 4%r'i%n %) $is i--ense )%r'une! &ey%nd '$a' I can learn n%'$in*! LOR+ "ORIN"! S$e d%esn.' 'urn %u' '% be a s4y, '$en?
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! O$@ s4ies are %) n% use n%5adays! T$eir 4r%)essi%n is %/er! T$e ne5s4a4ers d% '$eir 5%r; ins'ead! LOR+ "ORIN"! And '$underin*ly 5ell '$ey d% i'!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Ar'$ur, I a- 4arc$ed 5i'$ '$irs'! May I rin* )%r s%-e'$in*? S%-e $%c; and sel'2er? LOR+ "ORIN"! Cer'ainly! Le' -e! <Rin*s '$e bell!>
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$an;s@ I d%n.' ;n%5 5$a' '% d%, Ar'$ur, I d%n.' ;n%5 5$a' '% d%, and y%u are -y %nly )riend! &u' 5$a' a )riend y%u are ( '$e %ne )riend I can 'rus'! I can 'rus' y%u abs%lu'ely, can.' I? <En'er PHIPPS!> LOR+ "ORIN"! My dear R%ber', %) c%urse! &rin* s%-e $%c; and sel'2er! PHIPPS! Yes, -y l%rd! And P$i44s@ O$@ <T% PHIPPS!>
LOR+ "ORIN"! PHIPPS!
Yes, -y l%rd!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! Will y%u e=cuse -e )%r a -%-en', R%ber'? 5an' '% *i/e s%-e direc'i%ns '% -y ser/an'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Cer'ainly!
LOR+ "ORIN"! W$en '$a' lady calls, 'ell $er '$a' I a- n%' e=4ec'ed $%-e '$is e/enin*! Tell $er '$a' I $a/e been suddenly called %u' %) '%5n! Y%u unders'and? PHIPPS! T$e lady is in '$a' r%%-, -y l%rd! s$%5 $er in'% '$a' r%%-, -y l%rd! Y%u '%ld -e '%
LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u did 4er)ec'ly ri*$'! <E=i' PHIPPS!> W$a' a -ess I a- in! N%A I '$in; I s$all *e' '$r%u*$ i'! I.ll *i/e $er a lec'ure '$r%u*$ '$e d%%r! A5;5ard '$in* '% -ana*e, '$%u*$! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Ar'$ur, 'ell -e 5$a' I s$%uld d%! li)e see-s '% $a/e cru-bled ab%u' -e! I a- a s$i4 5i'$%u' a rudder in a ni*$' 5i'$%u' a s'ar! LOR+ "ORIN"! R%ber', y%u l%/e y%ur 5i)e, d%n.' y%u? My
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I l%/e $er -%re '$an any'$in* in '$e 5%rld! I used '% '$in; a-bi'i%n '$e *rea' '$in*! I' is n%'! L%/e is '$e *rea' '$in* in '$e 5%rld! T$ere is n%'$in* bu' l%/e, and I l%/e $er! &u' I a- de)a-ed in $er eyes! I a- i*n%ble in $er eyes! T$ere is a 5ide *ul) be'5een us n%5! S$e $as )%und -e %u', Ar'$ur, s$e $as )%und -e %u'! LOR+ "ORIN"! Has s$e ne/er in $er li)e d%ne s%-e )%lly ( s%-e indiscre'i%n ( '$a' s$e s$%uld n%' )%r*i/e y%ur sin?
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! My 5i)e@ Ne/er@ S$e d%es n%' ;n%5 5$a' 5ea;ness %r 'e-4'a'i%n is! I a- %) clay li;e %'$er -en! S$e s'ands a4ar' as *%%d 5%-en d% ( 4i'iless in $er 4er)ec'i%n ( c%ld and s'ern and 5i'$%u' -ercy! &u' I l%/e $er, Ar'$ur! We are c$ildless, and I $a/e n% %ne else '% l%/e, n% %ne else '% l%/e -e! Per$a4s i) "%d $ad sen' us c$ildren s$e -i*$' $a/e been ;inder '% -e! &u' "%d $as *i/en us a l%nely $%use! And s$e $as cu' -y $ear' in '5%! +%n.' le' us 'al; %) i'! I 5as bru'al '% $er '$is e/enin*! &u' I su44%se 5$en sinners 'al; '% sain's '$ey are bru'al al5ays! I said '% $er '$in*s '$a' 5ere $ide%usly 'rue, %n -y side, )r%- -y s'and(4%in', )r%- '$e s'and4%in' %) -en! &u' d%n.' le' us 'al; %) '$a' LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%ur 5i)e 5ill )%r*i/e y%u! -%-en' s$e is )%r*i/in* y%u! S$e l%/es y%u, R%ber'! n%' )%r*i/e? Per$a4s a' '$is W$y s$%uld s$e
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "%d *ran' i'@ "%d *ran' i'@ <&uries $is )ace in $is $ands!> &u' '$ere is s%-e'$in* -%re I $a/e '% 'ell y%u, Ar'$ur! <En'er PHIPPS 5i'$ drin;s!> PHIPPS! <Hands $%c; and sel'2er '% SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!> H%c; and sel'2er, sir! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! T$an; y%u!
Is y%ur carria*e $ere, R%ber'? N%A I 5al;ed )r%- '$e club!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"!
Sir R%ber' 5ill 'a;e -y cab, P$i44s!
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PHIPPS!
Yes, -y l%rd!
<E=i'!>
LOR+ "ORIN"!
R%ber', y%u d%n.' -ind -y sendin* y%u a5ay?
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Ar'$ur, y%u -us' le' -e s'ay )%r )i/e -inu'es! I $a/e -ade u4 -y -ind 5$a' I a- *%in* '% d% '%(ni*$' in '$e H%use! T$e deba'e %n '$e Ar*en'ine Canal is '% be*in a' ele/en! <A c$air )alls in '$e dra5in*(r%%-!> W$a' is '$a'? LOR+ "ORIN"! N%'$in*!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I $eard a c$air )all in '$e ne=' r%%-! S%-e %ne $as been lis'enin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! N%, n%A '$ere is n% %ne '$ere!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$ere is s%-e %ne! T$ere are li*$'s in '$e r%%-, and '$e d%%r is aBar! S%-e %ne $as been lis'enin* '% e/ery secre' %) -y li)e! Ar'$ur, 5$a' d%es '$is -ean? LOR+ "ORIN"! R%ber', y%u are e=ci'ed, unner/ed! y%u '$ere is n% %ne in '$a' r%%-! Si' d%5n, R%ber'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! is n% %ne '$ere? LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes! Y%ur 5%rd %) $%n%ur? <Si's d%5n!> I 'ell
+% y%u *i/e -e y%ur 5%rd '$a' '$ere
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! -ysel)! LOR+ "ORIN"! N%, n%!
<Rises!>
Ar'$ur, le' -e see )%r
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I) '$ere is n% %ne '$ere 5$y s$%uld I n%' l%%; in '$a' r%%-? Ar'$ur, y%u -us' le' -e *% in'% '$a' r%%and sa'is)y -ysel)! Le' -e ;n%5 '$a' n% ea/esdr%44er $as $eard -y li)e.s secre'! Ar'$ur, y%u d%n.' realise 5$a' I a- *%in* '$r%u*$! LOR+ "ORIN"! R%ber', '$is -us' s'%4! '$ere is n% %ne in '$a' r%%- ( '$a' is en%u*$! I $a/e '%ld y%u '$a'
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Rus$es '% '$e d%%r %) '$e r%%-!> I' is n%' en%u*$! I insis' %n *%in* in'% '$is r%%-! Y%u $a/e '%ld -e '$ere is n% %ne '$ere, s% 5$a' reas%n can y%u $a/e )%r re)usin* -e? LOR+ "ORIN"! F%r "%d.s sa;e, d%n.'@ '$ere! S%-e %ne 5$%- y%u -us' n%' see! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! T$ere is s%-e %ne
A$, I '$%u*$' s%@
I )%rbid y%u '% en'er '$a' r%%-!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! S'and bac;! My li)e is a' s'a;e! And I d%n.' care 5$% is '$ere! I 5ill ;n%5 5$% i' is '% 5$%- I $a/e '%ld -y secre' and -y s$a-e! <En'ers r%%-!> LOR+ "ORIN"! "rea' $ea/ens@ $is %5n 5i)e@
<SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN c%-es bac;, 5i'$ a l%%; %) sc%rn and an*er %n $is )ace!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a' e=4lana'i%n $a/e y%u '% *i/e -e )%r '$e 4resence %) '$a' 5%-an $ere? LOR+ "ORIN"! R%ber', I s5ear '% y%u %n -y $%n%ur '$a' '$a' lady is s'ainless and *uil'less %) all %))ence '%5ards y%u! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! S$e is a /ile, an in)a-%us '$in*@
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LOR+ "ORIN"! +%n.' say '$a', R%ber'@ I' 5as )%r y%ur sa;e s$e ca-e $ere! I' 5as '% 'ry and sa/e y%u s$e ca-e $ere! S$e l%/es y%u and n% %ne else! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Y%u are -ad! W$a' $a/e I '% d% 5i'$ $er in'ri*ues 5i'$ y%u? Le' $er re-ain y%ur -is'ress@ Y%u are 5ell sui'ed '% eac$ %'$er! S$e, c%rru4' and s$a-e)ul ( y%u, )alse as a )riend, 'reac$er%us as an ene-y e/en ( LOR+ "ORIN"! I' is n%' 'rue, R%ber'! &e)%re $ea/en, i' is n%' 'rue! In $er 4resence and in y%urs I 5ill e=4lain all! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! en%u*$ u4%n y%ur 5%rd %) $%n%ur! Le' -e 4ass, sir! Y%u $a/e lied
<SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN *%es %u'! LOR+ "ORIN" rus$es '% '$e d%%r %) '$e dra5in*(r%%-, 5$en MRS! CHEVELEY c%-es %u', l%%;in* radian' and -uc$ a-used!> MRS! CHEVELEY! "%rin*@ <Wi'$ a -%c; cur'sey> "%%d e/enin*, L%rd
LOR+ "ORIN"! Mrs! C$e/eley@ "rea' $ea/ens@ ! ! ! May I as; 5$a' y%u 5ere d%in* in -y dra5in*(r%%-? MRS! CHEVELEY! Merely lis'enin*! I $a/e a 4er)ec' 4assi%n )%r lis'enin* '$r%u*$ ;ey$%les! One al5ays $ears suc$ 5%nder)ul '$in*s '$r%u*$ '$e-! LOR+ "ORIN"! Pr%/idence? MRS! CHEVELEY! by '$is +%esn.' '$a' s%und ra'$er li;e 'e-4'in* O$@ surely Pr%/idence can resis' 'e-4'a'i%n
100
'i-e! <Ma;es a si*n '% $i- '% 'a;e $er cl%a; %)), 5$ic$ $e d%es!> LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- *lad y%u $a/e called! *i/e y%u s%-e *%%d ad/ice! I a- *%in* '%
MRS! CHEVELEY! O$@ 4ray d%n.'! One s$%uld ne/er *i/e a 5%-an any'$in* '$a' s$e can.' 5ear in '$e e/enin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! be! MRS! CHEVELEY! $ad -%re e=4erience! I see y%u are 1ui'e as 5il)ul as y%u used '% Far -%re@ I $a/e *rea'ly i-4r%/ed! I $a/e
LOR+ "ORIN"! T%% -uc$ e=4erience is a dan*er%us '$in*! Pray $a/e a ci*are''e! Hal) '$e 4re''y 5%-en in L%nd%n s-%;e ci*are''es! Pers%nally I 4re)er '$e %'$er $al)! MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an;s! I ne/er s-%;e! My dress-a;er 5%uldn.' li;e i', and a 5%-an.s )irs' du'y in li)e is '% $er dress-a;er, isn.' i'? W$a' '$e sec%nd du'y is, n% %ne $as as ye' disc%/ered! LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u $a/e c%-e $ere '% sell -e R%ber' C$il'ern.s le''er, $a/en.' y%u? MRS! CHEVELEY! y%u *uess '$a'? T% %))er i' '% y%u %n c%ndi'i%ns! H%5 did
LOR+ "ORIN"! &ecause y%u $a/en.' -en'i%ned '$e subBec'! Ha/e y%u *%' i' 5i'$ y%u? MRS! CHEVELEY! $as n% 4%c;e's! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Si''in* d%5n!> O$, n%@ A 5ell(-ade dress
W$a' is y%ur 4rice )%r i'?
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MRS! CHEVELEY! H%5 absurdly En*lis$ y%u are@ T$e En*lis$ '$in; '$a' a c$e1ue(b%%; can s%l/e e/ery 4r%ble- in li)e! W$y, -y dear Ar'$ur, I $a/e /ery -uc$ -%re -%ney '$an y%u $a/e, and 1ui'e as -uc$ as R%ber' C$il'ern $as *%' $%ld %)! M%ney is n%' 5$a' I 5an'! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! W$a' d% y%u 5an' '$en, Mrs! C$e/eley? W$y d%n.' y%u call -e Laura? I d%n.' li;e '$e na-e! Y%u used '% ad%re i'!
LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes3 '$a'.s 5$y! <MRS! CHEVELEY -%'i%ns '% $i- '% si' d%5n beside $er! He s-iles, and d%es s%!> MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! Ar'$ur, y%u l%/ed -e %nce! Yes! And y%u as;ed -e '% be y%ur 5i)e! T$a' 5as '$e na'ural resul' %) -y l%/in* y%u!
MRS! CHEVELEY! And y%u '$re5 -e %/er because y%u sa5, %r said y%u sa5, 4%%r %ld L%rd M%r'la;e 'ryin* '% $a/e a /i%len' )lir'a'i%n 5i'$ -e in '$e c%nser/a'%ry a' Tenby! LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- under '$e i-4ressi%n '$a' -y la5yer se''led '$a' -a''er 5i'$ y%u %n cer'ain 'er-s ! ! ! dic'a'ed by y%ursel)! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! -e! MRS! CHEVELEY! M%r'la;e, A' '$a' 'i-e I 5as 4%%rA y%u 5ere ric$! Cui'e s%! T$a' is 5$y y%u 4re'ended '% l%/e P%%r %ld L%rd
<S$ru**in* $er s$%ulders!>
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5$% $ad %nly '5% '%4ics %) c%n/ersa'i%n, $is *%u' and $is 5i)e@ I ne/er c%uld 1ui'e -a;e %u' 5$ic$ %) '$e '5% $e 5as 'al;in* ab%u'! He used '$e -%s' $%rrible lan*ua*e ab%u' '$e- b%'$! Well, y%u 5ere silly, Ar'$ur! W$y, L%rd M%r'la;e 5as ne/er any'$in* -%re '% -e '$an an a-use-en'! One %) '$%se u''erly 'edi%us a-use-en's %ne %nly )inds a' an En*lis$ c%un'ry $%use %n an En*lis$ c%un'ry Sunday! I d%n.' '$in; any %ne a' all -%rally res4%nsible )%r 5$a' $e %r s$e d%es a' an En*lis$ c%un'ry $%use! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! Yes! I ;n%5 l%'s %) 4e%4le '$in; '$a'!
I l%/ed y%u, Ar'$ur!
LOR+ "ORIN"! My dear Mrs! C$e/eley, y%u $a/e al5ays been )ar '%% cle/er '% ;n%5 any'$in* ab%u' l%/e! MRS! CHEVELEY! I did l%/e y%u! And y%u l%/ed -e! Y%u ;n%5 y%u l%/ed -eA and l%/e is a /ery 5%nder)ul '$in*! I su44%se '$a' 5$en a -an $as %nce l%/ed a 5%-an, $e 5ill d% any'$in* )%r $er, e=ce4' c%n'inue '% l%/e $er? <Pu's $er $and %n $is!> LOR+ "ORIN"! '$a'! <Ta;in* $is $and a5ay 1uie'ly!> Yes3 e=ce4'
MRS! CHEVELEY! <A)'er a 4ause!> I a- 'ired %) li/in* abr%ad! I 5an' '% c%-e bac; '% L%nd%n! I 5an' '% $a/e a c$ar-in* $%use $ere! I 5an' '% $a/e a sal%n! I) %ne c%uld %nly 'eac$ '$e En*lis$ $%5 '% 'al;, and '$e Iris$ $%5 '% lis'en, s%cie'y $ere 5%uld be 1ui'e ci/ilised! &esides, I $a/e arri/ed a' '$e r%-an'ic s'a*e! W$en I sa5 y%u las' ni*$' a' '$e C$il'erns., I ;ne5 y%u 5ere '$e %nly 4ers%n
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I $ad e/er cared )%r, i) I e/er $a/e cared )%r anyb%dy, Ar'$ur! And s%, %n '$e -%rnin* %) '$e day y%u -arry -e, I 5ill *i/e y%u R%ber' C$il'ern.s le''er! T$a' is -y %))er! I 5ill *i/e i' '% y%u n%5, i) y%u 4r%-ise '% -arry -e! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! N%5? <S-ilin*!> T%(-%rr%5!
Are y%u really seri%us? Yes, 1ui'e seri%us! I s$%uld -a;e y%u a /ery bad $usband! I $a/e $ad '5%!
MRS! CHEVELEY! I d%n.' -ind bad $usbands! T$ey a-used -e i--ensely! LOR+ "ORIN"! d%n.' y%u? MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"!
Y%u -ean '$a' y%u a-used y%ursel) i--ensely, W$a' d% y%u ;n%5 ab%u' -y -arried li)e? N%'$in*3 bu' I can read i' li;e a b%%;!
W$a' b%%;? <Risin*!> T$e &%%; %) Nu-bers!
MRS! CHEVELEY! +% y%u '$in; i' is 1ui'e c$ar-in* %) y%u '% be s% rude '% a 5%-an in y%ur %5n $%use? LOR+ "ORIN"! In '$e case %) /ery )ascina'in* 5%-en, se= is a c$allen*e, n%' a de)ence! MRS! CHEVELEY! I su44%se '$a' is -ean' )%r a c%-4li-en'! My dear Ar'$ur, 5%-en are ne/er disar-ed by c%-4li-en's! Men al5ays are! T$a' is '$e di))erence be'5een '$e '5% se=es!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! as I ;n%5 '$e-!
W%-en are ne/er disar-ed by any'$in*, as )ar
MRS! CHEVELEY! <A)'er a 4ause!> T$en y%u are *%in* '% all%5 y%ur *rea'es' )riend, R%ber' C$il'ern, '% be ruined, ra'$er '$an -arry s%-e %ne 5$% really $as c%nsiderable a''rac'i%ns le)'! I '$%u*$' y%u 5%uld $a/e risen '% s%-e *rea' $ei*$' %) sel)(sacri)ice, Ar'$ur! I '$in; y%u s$%uld! And '$e res' %) y%ur li)e y%u c%uld s4end in c%n'e-4la'in* y%ur %5n 4er)ec'i%ns! LOR+ "ORIN"! O$@ I d% '$a' as i' is! And sel)(sacri)ice is a '$in* '$a' s$%uld be 4u' d%5n by la5! I' is s% de-%ralisin* '% '$e 4e%4le )%r 5$%- %ne sacri)ices %nesel)! T$ey al5ays *% '% '$e bad! MRS! CHEVELEY! As i) any'$in* c%uld de-%ralise R%ber' C$il'ern@ Y%u see- '% )%r*e' '$a' I ;n%5 $is real c$arac'er! LOR+ "ORIN"! W$a' y%u ;n%5 ab%u' $i- is n%' $is real c$arac'er! I' 5as an ac' %) )%lly d%ne in $is y%u'$, dis$%n%urable, I ad-i', s$a-e)ul, I ad-i', un5%r'$y %) $i-, I ad-i', and '$ere)%re ! ! ! n%' $is 'rue c$arac'er! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! H%5 y%u -en s'and u4 )%r eac$ %'$er@ H%5 y%u 5%-en 5ar a*ains' eac$ %'$er@
MRS! CHEVELEY! <&i''erly!> I %nly 5ar a*ains' %ne 5%-an, a*ains' "er'rude C$il'ern! I $a'e $er! I $a'e $er n%5 -%re '$an e/er! LOR+ "ORIN"! $er li)e, I su44%se! &ecause y%u $a/e br%u*$' a real 'ra*edy in'%
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MRS! CHEVELEY! <Wi'$ a sneer!> O$, '$ere is %nly %ne real 'ra*edy in a 5%-an.s li)e! T$e )ac' '$a' $er 4as' is al5ays $er l%/er, and $er )u'ure in/ariably $er $usband! LOR+ "ORIN"! Lady C$il'ern ;n%5s n%'$in* %) '$e ;ind %) li)e '% 5$ic$ y%u are alludin*! MRS! CHEVELEY! A 5%-an 5$%se si2e in *l%/es is se/en and '$ree( 1uar'ers ne/er ;n%5s -uc$ ab%u' any'$in*! Y%u ;n%5 "er'rude $as al5ays 5%rn se/en and '$ree(1uar'ers? T$a' is %ne %) '$e reas%ns 5$y '$ere 5as ne/er any -%ral sy-4a'$y be'5een us! ! ! ! Well, Ar'$ur, I su44%se '$is r%-an'ic in'er/ie5 -ay be re*arded as a' an end! Y%u ad-i' i' 5as r%-an'ic, d%n.' y%u? F%r '$e 4ri/ile*e %) bein* y%ur 5i)e I 5as ready '% surrender a *rea' 4ri2e, '$e cli-a= %) -y di4l%-a'ic career! Y%u decline! Very 5ell! I) Sir R%ber' d%esn.' u4$%ld -y Ar*en'ine sc$e-e, I e=4%se $i-! VOILE TO#T! LOR+ "ORIN"! $%rrible, in)a-%us! Y%u -us'n.' d% '$a'! I' 5%uld be /ile,
MRS! CHEVELEY! <S$ru**in* $er s$%ulders!> O$@ d%n.' use bi* 5%rds! T$ey -ean s% li''le! I' is a c%--ercial 'ransac'i%n! T$a' is all! T$ere is n% *%%d -i=in* u4 sen'i-en'ali'y in i'! I %))ered '% sell R%ber' C$il'ern a cer'ain '$in*! I) $e 5%n.' 4ay -e -y 4rice, $e 5ill $a/e '% 4ay '$e 5%rld a *rea'er 4rice! T$ere is n% -%re '% be said! I -us' *%! "%%d(bye! W%n.' y%u s$a;e $ands? LOR+ "ORIN"! C$il'ern Wi'$ y%u? N%! Y%ur 'ransac'i%n 5i'$ R%ber'
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-ay 4ass as a l%a'$s%-e c%--ercial 'ransac'i%n %) a l%a'$s%-e c%--ercial a*eA bu' y%u see- '% $a/e )%r*%''en '$a' y%u ca-e $ere '%( ni*$' '% 'al; %) l%/e, y%u 5$%se li4s desecra'ed '$e 5%rd l%/e, y%u '% 5$%- '$e '$in* is a b%%; cl%sely sealed, 5en' '$is a)'ern%%n '% '$e $%use %) %ne %) '$e -%s' n%ble and *en'le 5%-en in '$e 5%rld '% de*rade $er $usband in $er eyes, '% 'ry and ;ill $er l%/e )%r $i-, '% 4u' 4%is%n in $er $ear', and bi''erness in $er li)e, '% brea; $er id%l, and, i' -ay be, s4%il $er s%ul! T$a' I cann%' )%r*i/e y%u! T$a' 5as $%rrible! F%r '$a' '$ere can be n% )%r*i/eness! MRS! CHEVELEY! Ar'$ur, y%u are unBus' '% -e! &elie/e -e, y%u are 1ui'e unBus' '% -e! I didn.' *% '% 'aun' "er'rude a' all! I $ad n% idea %) d%in* any'$in* %) '$e ;ind 5$en I en'ered! I called 5i'$ Lady Mar;by si-4ly '% as; 5$e'$er an %rna-en', a Be5el, '$a' I l%s' s%-e5$ere las' ni*$', $ad been )%und a' '$e C$il'erns.! I) y%u d%n.' belie/e -e, y%u can as; Lady Mar;by! S$e 5ill 'ell y%u i' is 'rue! T$e scene '$a' %ccurred $a44ened a)'er Lady Mar;by $ad le)', and 5as really )%rced %n -e by "er'rude.s rudeness and sneers! I called, %$@ ( a li''le %u' %) -alice i) y%u li;e ( bu' really '% as; i) a dia-%nd br%%c$ %) -ine $ad been )%und! T$a' 5as '$e %ri*in %) '$e 5$%le '$in*! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! )%und i' A dia-%nd sna;e(br%%c$ 5i'$ a ruby? Yes! H%5 d% y%u ;n%5? In 4%in' %) )ac', I
&ecause i' is )%und!
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-ysel), and s'u4idly )%r*%' '% 'ell '$e bu'ler any'$in* ab%u' i' as I 5as lea/in*! <"%es %/er '% '$e 5ri'in*('able and 4ulls %u' '$e dra5ers!> I' is in '$is dra5er! N%, '$a' %ne! T$is is '$e br%%c$, isn.' i'? <H%lds u4 '$e br%%c$!> MRS! CHEVELEY! 5as ! ! a 4resen'! LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes! I a- s% *lad '% *e' i' bac;! I'
W%n.' y%u 5ear i'?
MRS! CHEVELEY! Cer'ainly, i) y%u 4in i' in! <LOR+ "ORIN" suddenly clas4s i' %n $er ar-!> W$y d% y%u 4u' i' %n as a bracele'? I ne/er ;ne5 i' c%uld $e 5%rn as a bracele'! LOR+ "ORIN"! Really? N%A bu' i'
MRS! CHEVELEY! <H%ldin* %u' $er $ands%-e ar-!> l%%;s /ery 5ell %n -e as a bracele', d%esn.' i'? LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY!
YesA -uc$ be''er '$an 5$en I sa5 i' las'! W$en did y%u see i' las'? O$, 'en years a*%, %n Lady
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Cal-ly!> &er;s$ire, )r%5$%- y%u s'%le i'! MRS! CHEVELEY!
<S'ar'in*!>
W$a' d% y%u -ean?
LOR+ "ORIN"! I -ean '$a' y%u s'%le '$a' %rna-en' )r%- -y c%usin, Mary &er;s$ire, '% 5$%- I *a/e i' 5$en s$e 5as -arried! Sus4ici%n )ell %n a 5re'c$ed ser/an', 5$% 5as sen' a5ay in dis*race! I rec%*nised i' las' ni*$'! I de'er-ined '% say n%'$in* ab%u' i' 'ill I $ad )%und '$e '$ie)! I $a/e )%und '$e '$ie) n%5, and I $a/e $eard $er %5n c%n)essi%n!
108
MRS! CHEVELEY!
<T%ssin* $er $ead!>
I' is n%' 'rue! W$y, '$ie) is 5ri''en
LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u ;n%5 i' is 'rue! acr%ss y%ur )ace a' '$is -%-en'!
MRS! CHEVELEY! I 5ill deny '$e 5$%le a))air )r%- be*innin* '% end! I 5ill say '$a' I $a/e ne/er seen '$is 5re'c$ed '$in*, '$a' i' 5as ne/er in -y 4%ssessi%n! <MRS! CHEVELEY 'ries '% *e' '$e bracele' %)) $er ar-, bu' )ails! LOR+ "ORIN" l%%;s %n a-used! Her '$in )in*ers 'ear a' '$e Be5el '% n% 4ur4%se! A curse brea;s )r%- $er!> LOR+ "ORIN"! T$e dra5bac; %) s'ealin* a '$in*, Mrs! C$e/eley, is '$a' %ne ne/er ;n%5s $%5 5%nder)ul '$e '$in* '$a' %ne s'eals is! Y%u can.' *e' '$a' bracele' %)), unless y%u ;n%5 5$ere '$e s4rin* is! And I see y%u d%n.' ;n%5 5$ere '$e s4rin* is! I' is ra'$er di))icul' '% )ind! MRS! CHEVELEY! Y%u bru'e@ '% unclas4 '$e bracele', bu' )ails!> LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u c%5ard@ <S$e 'ries a*ain
O$@ d%n.' use bi* 5%rds!
T$ey -ean s% li''le!
MRS! CHEVELEY! <A*ain 'ears a' '$e bracele' in a 4ar%=ys%) ra*e, 5i'$ inar'icula'e s%unds! T$en s'%4s, and l%%;s a' LOR+ "ORIN"!> W$a' are y%u *%in* '% d%? LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- *%in* '% rin* )%r -y ser/an'! He is an ad-irable ser/an'! Al5ays c%-es in '$e -%-en' %ne rin*s )%r $i-! W$en $e c%-es I 5ill 'ell $i- '% )e'c$ '$e 4%lice!
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MRS! CHEVELEY!
<Tre-blin*!>
T$e 4%lice?
W$a' )%r?
LOR+ "ORIN"! T%(-%rr%5 '$e &er;s$ires 5ill 4r%secu'e y%u! T$a' is 5$a' '$e 4%lice are )%r! MRS! CHEVELEY! <Is n%5 in an a*%ny %) 4$ysical 'err%r! Her )ace is dis'%r'ed! Her -%u'$ a5ry! A -as; $as )allen )r%- $er! S$e i', )%r '$e -%-en', dread)ul '% l%%; a'!> +%n.' d% '$a'! I 5ill d% any'$in* y%u 5an'! Any'$in* in '$e 5%rld y%u 5an'! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! LOR+ "ORIN"! MRS! CHEVELEY! '% y%u '%( -%rr%5! "i/e -e R%ber' C$il'ern.s le''er! S'%4@ S'%4@ Le' -e $a/e 'i-e '% '$in;!
"i/e -e R%ber' C$il'ern.s le''er! I $a/e n%' *%' i' 5i'$ -e! I 5ill *i/e i'
LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u ;n%5 y%u are lyin*! "i/e i' '% -e a' %nce! <MRS! CHEVELEY 4ulls '$e le''er %u', and $ands i' '% $i-! S$e is $%rribly 4ale!> T$is is i'? MRS! CHEVELEY! <In a $%arse /%ice!> Yes!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Ta;es '$e le''er, e=a-ines i', si*$s, and burns i' 5i'$ '$e la-4!> F%r s% 5ell(dressed a 5%-an, Mrs! C$e/eley, y%u $a/e -%-en's %) ad-irable c%--%n sense! I c%n*ra'ula'e y%u! MRS! CHEVELEY! <Ca'c$es si*$' %) LA+Y CHILTERN.S le''er, '$e c%/er %) 5$ic$ is Bus' s$%5in* )r%- under '$e bl%''in*(b%%;!> Please *e' -e a *lass %) 5a'er! LOR+ "ORIN"! and 4%urs Cer'ainly! <"%es '% '$e c%rner %) '$e r%%-
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%u' a *lass %) 5a'er! W$ile $is bac; is 'urned MRS! CHEVELEY s'eals LA+Y CHILTERN.S le''er! W$en LOR+ "ORIN" re'urns '$e *lass s$e re)uses i' 5i'$ a *es'ure!> MRS! CHEVELEY! cl%a;? LOR+ "ORIN"! T$an; y%u! Wi'$ 4leasure! Will y%u $el4 -e %n 5i'$ -y <Pu's $er cl%a; %n!>
MRS! CHEVELEY! T$an;s! R%ber' C$il'ern a*ain! LOR+ "ORIN"! C$e/eley!
I a- ne/er *%in* '% 'ry '% $ar-
F%r'una'ely y%u $a/e n%' '$e c$ance, Mrs!
MRS! CHEVELEY! Well, i) e/en I $ad '$e c$ance, I 5%uldn.'! On '$e c%n'rary, I a- *%in* '% render $i- a *rea' ser/ice! LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- c$ar-ed '% $ear i'! I' is a re)%r-a'i%n!
MRS! CHEVELEY! Yes! I can.' bear s% u4ri*$' a *en'le-an, s% $%n%urable an En*lis$ *en'le-an, bein* s% s$a-e)ully decei/ed, and s% ( LOR+ "ORIN"! Well?
MRS! CHEVELEY! I )ind '$a' s%-e$%5 "er'rude C$il'ern.s dyin* s4eec$ and c%n)essi%n $as s'rayed in'% -y 4%c;e'! LOR+ "ORIN"! W$a' d% y%u -ean?
MRS! CHEVELEY! <Wi'$ a bi''er n%'e %) 'riu-4$ in $er /%ice!> I -ean '$a' I a- *%in* '% send R%ber' C$il'ern '$e l%/e(le''er $is 5i)e 5r%'e '% y%u '%(ni*$'! LOR+ "ORIN"! L%/e(le''er?
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MRS! CHEVELEY! <Lau*$in*!> a- c%-in* '% y%u! "er'rude!.
.I 5an' y%u!
I 'rus' y%u!
<LOR+ "ORIN" rus$es '% '$e bureau and 'a;es u4 '$e en/el%4e, )inds is e-4'y, and 'urns r%und!> LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u 5re'c$ed 5%-an, -us' y%u al5ays be '$ie/in*? "i/e -e bac; '$a' le''er! I.ll 'a;e i' )r%- y%u by )%rce! s$all n%' lea/e -y r%%- 'ill I $a/e *%' i'!
Y%u
<He rus$es '%5ards $er, bu' MRS! CHEVELEY a' %nce 4u's $er $and %n '$e elec'ric bell '$a' is %n '$e 'able! T$e bell s%unds 5i'$ s$rill re/erbera'i%ns, and PHIPPS en'ers!> MRS! CHEVELEY! <A)'er a 4ause!> L%rd "%rin* -erely ran* '$a' y%u s$%uld s$%5 -e %u'! "%%d(ni*$', L%rd "%rin*@ <"%es %u' )%ll%5ed by PHIPPS! Her )ace i' illu-ined 5i'$ e/il 'riu-4$! T$ere is B%y in $er eyes! Y%u'$ see-s '% $a/e c%-e bac; '% $er! Her las' *lance is li;e a s5i)' arr%5! LOR+ "ORIN" bi'es $is li4, and li*$'s $is a ci*are''e!> ACT +ROPS
FO#RTH ACT
SCENE Sa-e as Ac' II! <LOR+ "ORIN" is s'andin* by '$e )ire4lace 5i'$ $is $ands in $is 4%c;e's! He is l%%;in* ra'$er b%red!>
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LOR+ "ORIN"! <Pulls %u' $is 5a'c$, ins4ec's i', and rin*s '$e bell!> I' is a *rea' nuisance! I can.' )ind any %ne in '$is $%use '% 'al; '%! And I a- )ull %) in'eres'in* in)%r-a'i%n! I )eel li;e '$e la'es' edi'i%n %) s%-e'$in* %r %'$er! <En'er ser/an'!> ,AMES! Sir R%ber' is s'ill a' '$e F%rei*n O))ice, -y l%rd! Lady C$il'ern n%' d%5n ye'? Miss
LOR+ "ORIN"!
,AMES! Her ladys$i4 $as n%' ye' le)' $er r%%-! C$il'ern $as Bus' c%-e in )r%- ridin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! <T% $i-sel)!>
A$@ '$a' is s%-e'$in*!
,AMES! L%rd Ca/ers$a- $as been 5ai'in* s%-e 'i-e in '$e library )%r Sir R%ber'! I '%ld $i- y%ur l%rds$i4 5as $ere! LOR+ "ORIN"! *%ne? ,AMES! T$an; y%u@ W%uld y%u ;indly 'ell $i- I./e
<&%5in*!>
I s$all d% s%, -y l%rd!
<E=i' ser/an'!> LOR+ "ORIN"! Really, I d%n.' 5an' '% -ee' -y )a'$er '$ree days runnin*! I' is a *rea' deal '%% -uc$ e=ci'e-en' )%r any s%n! I $%4e '% *%%dness $e 5%n.' c%-e u4! Fa'$ers s$%uld be nei'$er seen n%r $eard! T$a' is '$e %nly 4r%4er basin )%r )a-ily li)e! M%'$ers are di))eren'! M%'$ers are darlin*s! <T$r%5s $i-sel) d%5n in'% a c$air, 4ic;s u4 a 4a4er and be*ins '% read i'!> <En'er LOR+ CAVERSHAM!>
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LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Well, sir, 5$a' are y%u d%in* $ere? Was'in* y%ur 'i-e as usual, I su44%se? LOR+ "ORIN"! <T$r%5s d%5n 4a4er and rises!> My dear )a'$er, 5$en %ne 4ays a /isi' i' is )%r '$e 4ur4%se %) 5as'in* %'$er 4e%4le.s 'i-e, n%' %ne.s %5n! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Ha/e y%u been '$in;in* %/er 5$a' I s4%;e '% y%u ab%u' las' ni*$'? LOR+ "ORIN"! I $a/e been '$in;in* ab%u' n%'$in* else! En*a*ed '% be -arried ye'? N%' ye'3 bu' I $%4e '% be
LOR+ CAVERSHAM!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <"enially!> be)%re lunc$( 'i-e!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <Caus'ically!> Y%u can $a/e 'ill dinner( 'i-e i) i' 5%uld be %) any c%n/enience '% y%u! LOR+ "ORIN"! T$an;s a5)ully, bu' I '$in; I.d s%%ner be en*a*ed be)%re lunc$! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! n%'! LOR+ "ORIN"! <A 4ause!> LOR+ CAVERSHAM! -%rnin*? I su44%se y%u $a/e read THE TIMES '$is Hu-4$@ Ne/er ;n%5 5$en y%u are seri%us %r
Nei'$er d% I, )a'$er!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Airily!> THE TIMES? Cer'ainly n%'! I %nly read THE MORNIN" POST! All '$a' %ne s$%uld ;n%5 ab%u' -%dern li)e is 5$ere '$e +uc$esses areA any'$in* else is 1ui'e de-%ralisin*!
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LOR+ CAVERSHAM! +% y%u -ean '% say y%u $a/e n%' read THE TIMES leadin* ar'icle %n R%ber' C$il'ern.s career? LOR+ "ORIN"! "%%d $ea/ens@ N%! W$a' d%es i' say?
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! W$a' s$%uld i' say, sir? E/ery'$in* c%-4li-en'ary, %) c%urse! C$il'ern.s s4eec$ las' ni*$' %n '$is Ar*en'ine Canal sc$e-e 5as %ne %) '$e )ines' 4ieces %) %ra'%ry e/er deli/ered in '$e H%use since Cannin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! A$@ Ne/er $eard %) Cannin*! '%! And did ! ! ! did C$il'ern u4$%ld '$e sc$e-e? Ne/er 5an'ed
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! #4$%ld i', sir? H%5 li''le y%u ;n%5 $i-@ W$y, $e den%unced i' r%undly, and '$e 5$%le sys'e- %) -%dern 4%li'ical )inance! T$is s4eec$ is '$e 'urnin*(4%in' in $is career, as THE TIMES 4%in's %u'! Y%u s$%uld read '$is ar'icle, sir! <O4ens THE TIMES!> .Sir R%ber' C$il'ern ! ! ! -%s' risin* %) %ur y%un* s'a'es-en ! ! ! &rillian' %ra'%r ! ! ! #nble-is$ed career ! ! ! Well( ;n%5n in'e*ri'y %) c$arac'er ! ! ! Re4resen's 5$a' is bes' in En*lis$ 4ublic li)e ! ! ! N%ble c%n'ras' '% '$e la= -%rali'y s% c%--%n a-%n* )%rei*n 4%li'icians!. T$ey 5ill ne/er say '$a' %) y%u, sir! LOR+ "ORIN"! I sincerely $%4e n%', )a'$er! H%5e/er, I adeli*$'ed a' 5$a' y%u 'ell -e ab%u' R%ber', '$%r%u*$ly deli*$'ed! I' s$%5s $e $as *%' 4luc;! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! *%' *enius! LOR+ "ORIN"! n%5adays, as *enius is! He $as *%' -%re '$an 4luc;, sir, $e $as I' is n%' s% c%--%n,
A$@ I 4re)er 4luc;!
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LOR+ CAVERSHAM!
I 5is$ y%u 5%uld *% in'% Parlia-en'!
LOR+ "ORIN"! My dear )a'$er, %nly 4e%4le 5$% l%%; dull e/er *e' in'% '$e H%use %) C%--%ns, and %nly 4e%4le 5$% are dull e/er succeed '$ere! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! in li)e? LOR+ "ORIN"! W$y d%n.' y%u 'ry '% d% s%-e'$in* use)ul
I a- )ar '%% y%un*!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <Tes'ily!> I $a'e '$is a))ec'a'i%n %) y%u'$, sir! I' is a *rea' deal '%% 4re/alen' n%5adays! LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u'$ isn.' an a))ec'a'i%n! Y%u'$ is an ar'!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! C$il'ern?
W$y d%n.' y%u 4r%4%se '% '$a' 4re''y Miss
LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- %) a /ery ner/%us dis4%si'i%n, es4ecially in '$e -%rnin*! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! c$ance %) $er acce4'in* y%u! LOR+ "ORIN"! I d%n.' su44%se '$ere is '$e s-alles'
I d%n.' ;n%5 $%5 '$e be''in* s'ands '%(day!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! I) s$e did acce4' y%u s$e 5%uld be '$e 4re''ies' )%%l in En*land! LOR+ "ORIN"! T$a' is Bus' 5$a' I s$%uld li;e '% -arry! A '$%r%u*$ly sensible 5i)e 5%uld reduce -e '% a c%ndi'i%n %) abs%lu'e idi%cy in less '$an si= -%n'$s! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Y%u d%n.' deser/e $er, sir!
LOR+ "ORIN"! My dear )a'$er, i) 5e -en -arried '$e 5%-en 5e deser/ed, 5e s$%uld $a/e a /ery bad 'i-e %) i'!
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<En'er MA&EL CHILTERN!> MA&EL CHILTERN! O$@ ! ! ! H%5 d% y%u d%, L%rd Ca/ers$a-? I $%4e Lady Ca/ers$a- is 1ui'e 5ell? LOR+ CAVERSHAM! LOR+ "ORIN"! Lady Ca/ers$a- is as usual, as usual!
"%%d -%rnin*, Miss Mabel@
MA&EL CHILTERN! <Ta;in* n% n%'ice a' all %) LOR+ "ORIN", and addressin* $ersel) e=clusi/ely '% LOR+ CAVERSHAM!> And Lady Ca/ers$a-.s b%nne's ! ! ! are '$ey a' all be''er? LOR+ CAVERSHAM! s%rry '% say! LOR+ "ORIN"! T$ey $a/e $ad a seri%us rela4se, I a-
"%%d -%rnin*, Miss Mabel@ <T% LOR+ CAVERSHAM!> I $%4e an %4era'i%n
MA&EL CHILTERN! 5ill n%' be necessary!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <S-ilin* a' $er 4er'ness!> I) i' is, 5e s$all $a/e '% *i/e Lady Ca/ers$a- a narc%'ic! O'$er5ise s$e 5%uld ne/er c%nsen' '% $a/e a )ea'$er '%uc$ed! LOR+ "ORIN"! Miss Mabel@ <Wi'$ increased e-4$asis!> "%%d -%rnin*,
MA&EL CHILTERN! <Turnin* r%und 5i'$ )ei*ned sur4rise!> O$, are y%u $ere? O) c%urse y%u unders'and '$a' a)'er y%ur brea;in* y%ur a44%in'-en' I a- ne/er *%in* '% s4ea; '% y%u a*ain! LOR+ "ORIN"! O$, 4lease d%n.' say suc$ a '$in*! Y%u are '$e %ne 4ers%n in L%nd%n I really li;e '% $a/e '% lis'en '% -e! MA&EL CHILTERN! L%rd "%rin*, I ne/er belie/e a sin*le 5%rd '$a' ei'$er y%u %r I say '% eac$ %'$er!
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LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Y%u are 1ui'e ri*$', -y dear, 1ui'e ri*$' ! ! ! as )ar as $e is c%ncerned, I -ean! MA&EL CHILTERN! +% y%u '$in; y%u c%uld 4%ssibly -a;e y%ur s%n be$a/e a li''le be''er %ccasi%nally? ,us' as a c$an*e! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! I re*re' '% say, Miss C$il'ern, '$a' I $a/e n% in)luence a' all %/er -y s%n! I 5is$ I $ad! I) I $ad, I ;n%5 5$a' I 5%uld -a;e $i- d%! MA&EL CHILTERN! I a- a)raid '$a' $e $as %ne %) '$%se 'erribly 5ea; na'ures '$a' are n%' susce4'ible '% in)luence! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! LOR+ "ORIN"! $ere! He is /ery $ear'less, /ery $ear'less!
I' see-s '% -e '$a' I a- a li''le in '$e 5ay
MA&EL CHILTERN! I' is /ery *%%d )%r y%u '% be in '$e 5ay, and '% ;n%5 5$a' 4e%4le say %) y%u be$ind y%ur bac;! LOR+ "ORIN"! I d%n.' a' all li;e ;n%5in* 5$a' 4e%4le say %) -e be$ind -y bac;! I' -a;es -e )ar '%% c%ncei'ed! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! *%%d -%rnin*! A)'er '$a', -y dear, I really -us' bid y%u
MA&EL CHILTERN! O$@ I $%4e y%u are n%' *%in* '% lea/e -e all al%ne 5i'$ L%rd "%rin*? Es4ecially a' suc$ an early $%ur in '$e day! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! I a- a)raid I can.' 'a;e $i- 5i'$ -e '% +%5nin* S'ree'! I' is n%' '$e Pri-e Mins'er.s day )%r seein* '$e une-4l%yed!
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<S$a;es $ands 5i'$ MA&EL CHILTERN, 'a;es u4 $is $a' and s'ic;, and *%es %u', 5i'$ a 4ar'in* *lare %) indi*na'i%n a' LOR+ "ORIN"!> MA&EL CHILTERN! <Ta;es u4 r%ses and be*ins '% arran*e '$ein a b%5l %n '$e 'able!> Pe%4le 5$% d%n.' ;ee4 '$eir a44%in'-en's in '$e Par; are $%rrid! LOR+ "ORIN"! +e'es'able! &u' I 5is$ y%u
MA&EL CHILTERN! I a- *lad y%u ad-i' i'! 5%uldn.' l%%; s% 4leased ab%u' i'! LOR+ "ORIN"! I a- 5i'$ y%u! I can.' $el4 i'!
I al5ays l%%; 4leased 5$en
MA&EL CHILTERN! re-ain 5i'$ y%u? LOR+ "ORIN"!
<Sadly!>
T$en I su44%se i' is -y du'y '%
O) c%urse i' is!
MA&EL CHILTERN! Well, -y du'y is a '$in* I ne/er d%, %n 4rinci4le! I' al5ays de4resses -e! S% I a- a)raid I -us' lea/e y%u! LOR+ "ORIN"! Please d%n.', Miss Mabel! /ery 4ar'icular '% say '% y%u! MA&EL CHILTERN! <Ra4'ur%usly!> I $a/e s%-e'$in*
O$@ is i' a 4r%4%sal? Well, yes, i' is ( I
LOR+ "ORIN"! <S%-e5$a' 'a;en abac;!> a- b%und '% say i' is!
MA&EL CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a si*$ %) 4leasure!> T$a' -a;es '$e sec%nd '%(day! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Indi*nan'ly!> c%ncei'ed ass
I a- s% *lad!
T$e sec%nd '%(day?
W$a'
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$as been i-4er'inen' en%u*$ '% dare '% 4r%4%se '% y%u be)%re I $ad 4r%4%sed '% y%u? MA&EL CHILTERN! T%--y Tra))%rd, %) c%urse! I' is %ne %) T%--y.s days )%r 4r%4%sin*! He al5ays 4r%4%ses %n Tuesdays and T$ursdays, durin* '$e Seas%n! LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%u didn.' acce4' $i-, I $%4e? ne/er '% acce4' T%--y! as y%u didn.' 'urn u4 $a/e been an e=cellen' 5%uld $a/e 'au*$' y%u
MA&EL CHILTERN! I -a;e i' a rule T$a' is 5$y $e *%es %n 4r%4%sin*! O) c%urse, '$is -%rnin*, I /ery nearly said yes! I' 5%uld less%n b%'$ )%r $i- and )%r y%u i) I $ad! I' b%'$ be''er -anners!
LOR+ "ORIN"! O$@ b%'$er T%--y Tra))%rd! li''le ass! I l%/e y%u!
T%--y is a silly
MA&EL CHILTERN! I ;n%5! And I '$in; y%u -i*$' $a/e -en'i%ned i' be)%re! I a- sure I $a/e *i/en y%u $ea4s %) %44%r'uni'ies! LOR+ "ORIN"! Mabel, d% be seri%us! Please be seri%us!
MA&EL CHILTERN! A$@ '$a' is '$e s%r' %) '$in* a -an al5ays says '% a *irl be)%re $e $as been -arried '% $er! He ne/er says i' a)'er5ards! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Ta;in* $%ld %) $er $and!> Mabel, I $a/e '%ld y%u '$a' I l%/e y%u! Can.' y%u l%/e -e a li''le in re'urn? MA&EL CHILTERN! Y%u silly Ar'$ur@ I) y%u ;ne5 any'$in* ab%u' ! ! ! any'$in*, 5$ic$ y%u d%n.', y%u 5%uld ;n%5 '$a' I ad%re y%u! E/ery %ne in L%nd%n ;n%5s i' e=ce4' y%u! I' is a 4ublic scandal '$e 5ay I
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ad%re y%u! I $a/e been *%in* ab%u' )%r '$e las' si= -%n'$s 'ellin* '$e 5$%le %) s%cie'y '$a' I ad%re y%u! I 5%nder y%u c%nsen' '% $a/e any'$in* '% say '% -e! I $a/e n% c$arac'er le)' a' all! A' leas', I )eel s% $a44y '$a' I a- 1ui'e sure I $a/e n% c$arac'er le)' a' all! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Ca'c$es $er in $is ar-s and ;isses $er! T$en '$ere is a 4ause %) bliss!> +ear@ +% y%u ;n%5 I 5as a5)ully a)raid %) bein* re)used@ MA&EL CHILTERN! <L%%;in* u4 a' $i-!> &u' y%u ne/er $a/e been re)used ye' by anyb%dy, $a/e y%u, Ar'$ur? I can.' i-a*ine any %ne re)usin* y%u! LOR+ "ORIN"! <A)'er ;issin* $er a*ain!> nearly *%%d en%u*$ )%r y%u, Mabel! MA&EL CHILTERN! <Nes'lin* cl%se '% $i-!> darlin*! I 5as a)raid y%u 5ere! LOR+ "ORIN"! li''le %/er '$ir'y! <A)'er s%-e $esi'a'i%n!> O) c%urse I.- n%'
I a- s% *lad,
And I.- ! ! ! I.- a
MA&EL CHILTERN!
+ear, y%u l%%; 5ee;s y%un*er '$an '$a'!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <En'$usias'ically!> H%5 s5ee' %) y%u '% say s%@ ! ! ! And i' is %nly )air '% 'ell y%u )ran;ly '$a' I a- )ear)ully e='ra/a*an'! MA&EL CHILTERN! &u' s% a- I, Ar'$ur! a*ree! And n%5 I -us' *% and see "er'rude! LOR+ "ORIN"! Mus' y%u really? Yes! S% 5e.re sure '%
< isses $er!>
MA&EL CHILTERN!
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LOR+ "ORIN"! T$en d% 'ell $er I 5an' '% 'al; '% $er 4ar'icularly! I $a/e been 5ai'in* $ere all '$e -%rnin* '% see ei'$er $er %r R%ber'! MA&EL CHILTERN! e=4ressly '% 4r%4%se '% -e? LOR+ "ORIN"! *enius! +% y%u -ean '% say y%u didn.' c%-e $ere
<Triu-4$an'ly!> Y%ur )irs'!
N%A '$a' 5as a )las$ %)
<Wi'$ de'er-ina'i%n!>
My las'!
MA&EL CHILTERN! I a- deli*$'ed '% $ear i'! N%5 d%n.' s'ir! I.ll be bac; in )i/e -inu'es! And d%n.' )all in'% any 'e-4'a'i%ns 5$ile I aa5ay! LOR+ "ORIN"! +ear Mabel, 5$ile y%u are a5ay, '$ere are n%ne! I' -a;es -e $%rribly de4enden' %n y%u! <En'er LA+Y CHILTERN!> LA+Y CHILTERN! l%%;in*@ MA&EL CHILTERN! -%s' bec%-in*@ LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! "%%d -%rnin*, dear@ H%5 4re''y y%u are I' is
H%5 4ale y%u are l%%;in*, "er'rude@
"%%d -%rnin*, L%rd "%rin*@ <&%5in*!> "%%d -%rnin*, Lady C$il'ern@
MA&EL CHILTERN! <Aside '% LOR+ "ORIN"!> I s$all be in '$e c%nser/a'%ry under '$e sec%nd 4al- 'ree %n '$e le)'! LOR+ "ORIN"! Sec%nd %n '$e le)'? <Wi'$ a l%%; %) -%c; sur4rise!> YesA '$e
MA&EL CHILTERN! usual 4al-
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'ree! <&l%5s a ;iss '% $i-, un%bser/ed by LA+Y CHILTERN, and *%es %u'!> LOR+ "ORIN"! Lady C$il'ern, I $a/e a cer'ain a-%un' %) /ery *%%d ne5s '% 'ell y%u! Mrs! C$e/eley *a/e -e u4 R%ber'.s le''er las' ni*$', and I burned i'! R%ber' is sa)e! LA+Y CHILTERN! <Sin;in* %n '$e s%)a!> Sa)e@ O$@ *lad %) '$a'! W$a' a *%%d )riend y%u are '% $i- ( '% us@ I a- s%
LOR+ "ORIN"! T$ere is %nly %ne 4ers%n n%5 '$a' c%uld be said '% be in any dan*er! LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! W$% is '$a'? <Si''in* d%5n beside $er!> I? In dan*er? Y%ursel)!
W$a' d% y%u -ean?
LOR+ "ORIN"! +an*er is '%% *rea' a 5%rd! I' is a 5%rd I s$%uld n%' $a/e used! &u' I ad-i' I $a/e s%-e'$in* '% 'ell y%u '$a' -ay dis'ress y%u, '$a' 'erribly dis'resses -e! Yes'erday e/enin* y%u 5r%'e -e a /ery beau'i)ul, 5%-anly le''er, as;in* -e )%r -y $el4! Y%u 5r%'e '% -e as %ne %) y%ur %ldes' )riends, %ne %) y%ur $usband.s %ldes' )riends! Mrs! C$e/eley s'%le '$a' le''er )r%- -y r%%-s! LA+Y CHILTERN! s$e n%' $a/e i'? Well, 5$a' use is i' '% $er? W$y s$%uld
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Risin*!> Lady C$il'ern, I 5ill be 1ui'e )ran; 5i'$ y%u! Mrs! C$e/eley 4u's a cer'ain c%ns'ruc'i%n %n '$a' le''er and 4r%4%ses '% send i' '% y%ur $usband!
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LA+Y CHILTERN! &u' 5$a' c%ns'ruc'i%n c%uld s$e 4u' %n i'? ! ! ! O$@ n%' '$a'@ n%' '$a'@ I) I in ( in 'r%uble, and 5an'in* y%ur $el4, 'rus'in* y%u, 4r%4%se '% c%-e '% y%u ! ! ! '$a' y%u -ay ad/ise -e ! ! ! assis' -e ! ! ! O$@ are '$ere 5%-en s% $%rrible as '$a' ! ! !? And s$e 4r%4%ses '% send i' '% -y $usband? Tell -e 5$a' $a44ened! Tell -e all '$a' $a44ened! LOR+ "ORIN"! Mrs! C$e/eley 5as c%ncealed in a r%%adB%inin* -y library, 5i'$%u' -y ;n%5led*e! I '$%u*$' '$a' '$e 4ers%n 5$% 5as 5ai'in* in '$a' r%%- '% see -e 5as y%ursel)! R%ber' ca-e in une=4ec'edly! A c$air %r s%-e'$in* )ell in '$e r%%-! He )%rced $is 5ay in, and $e disc%/ered $er! We $ad a 'errible scene! I s'ill '$%u*$' i' 5as y%u! He le)' -e in an*er! A' '$e end %) e/ery'$in* Mrs! C$e/eley *%' 4%ssessi%n %) y%ur le''er ( s$e s'%le i', 5$en %r $%5, I d%n.' ;n%5! LA+Y CHILTERN! A' 5$a' $%ur did '$is $a44en? And n%5 I 4r%4%se '$a' 5e
LOR+ "ORIN"! A' $al)(4as' 'en! 'ell R%ber' '$e 5$%le '$in* a' %nce!
LA+Y CHILTERN! <L%%;in* a' $i- 5i'$ a-a2e-en' '$a' is al-%s' 'err%r!> Y%u 5an' -e '% 'ell R%ber' '$a' '$e 5%-an y%u e=4ec'ed 5as n%' Mrs! C$e/eley, bu' -ysel)? T$a' i' 5as I 5$%- y%u '$%u*$' 5as c%ncealed in a r%%- in y%ur $%use, a' $al)(4as' 'en %.cl%c; a' ni*$'? Y%u 5an' -e '% 'ell $i- '$a'? LOR+ "ORIN"! e=ac' 'ru'$! I '$in; i' is be''er '$a' $e s$%uld ;n%5 '$e
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LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"!
<Risin*!> May I d% i'? N%! <"ra/ely!>
O$, I c%uldn.', I c%uldn.'@
Y%u are 5r%n*, Lady C$il'ern!
LA+Y CHILTERN! N%! T$e le''er -us' be in'erce4'ed! T$a' is all! &u' $%5 can I d% i'? Le''ers arri/e )%r $i- e/ery -%-en' %) '$e day! His secre'aries %4en '$e- and $and '$e- '% $i-! I dare n%' as; '$e ser/an's '% brin* -e $is le''ers! I' 5%uld be i-4%ssible! O$@ 5$y d%n.' y%u 'ell -e 5$a' '% d%? LOR+ "ORIN"! Pray be cal-, Lady C$il'ern, and ans5er '$e 1ues'i%ns I a- *%in* '% 4u' '% y%u! Y%u said $is secre'aries %4en $is le''ers! LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! i'? LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! ;n%5? LOR+ "ORIN"! LA+Y CHILTERN! Yes! W$% is 5i'$ $i- '%(day? N%! Mr! Tra))%rd, isn.'
Mr! M%n')%rd, I '$in;!
Y%u can 'rus' $i-? <Wi'$ a *es'ure %) des4air!> O$@ $%5 d% I
He 5%uld d% 5$a' y%u as;ed $i-, 5%uldn.' $e? I '$in; s%!
LOR+ "ORIN"! Y%ur le''er 5as %n 4in; 4a4er! He c%uld rec%*nise i' 5i'$%u' readin* i', c%uldn.' $e? &y '$e c%l%ur? LA+Y CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! I su44%se s%! Is $e in '$e $%use n%5?
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LA+Y CHILTERN!
Yes!
LOR+ "ORIN"! T$en I 5ill *% and see $i- -ysel), and 'ell $i- '$a' a cer'ain le''er, 5ri''en %n 4in; 4a4er, is '% be )%r5arded '% R%ber' '%(day, and '$a' a' all c%s's i' -us' n%' reac$ $i-! <"%es '% '$e d%%r, and %4ens i'!> O$@ R%ber' is c%-in* u4s'airs 5i'$ '$e le''er in $is $and! I' $as reac$ed $i- already! LA+Y CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a cry %) 4ain!> $is li)eA 5$a' $a/e y%u d%ne 5i'$ -ine? O$@ y%u $a/e sa/ed
<En'er SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! He $as '$e le''er in $is $and, and is readin* i'! He c%-es '%5ards $is 5i)e, n%' n%'icin* LOR+ "ORIN".S 4resence!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! .I 5an' y%u! I 'rus' y%u! I ac%-in* '% y%u! "er'rude!. O$, -y l%/e@ Is '$is 'rue? +% y%u indeed 'rus' -e, and 5an' -e? I) s%, i' 5as )%r -e '% c%-e '% y%u, n%' )%r y%u '% 5ri'e %) c%-in* '% -e! T$is le''er %) y%urs, "er'rude, -a;es -e )eel '$a' n%'$in* '$a' '$e 5%rld -ay d% can $ur' -e n%5! Y%u 5an' -e, "er'rude? <LOR+ "ORIN", unseen by SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN, -a;es an i-4l%rin* si*n '% LA+Y CHILTERN '% acce4' '$e si'ua'i%n and SIR RO&ERT.S err%r!> LA+Y CHILTERN! Yes! Y%u 'rus' -e, "er'rude?
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! Yes!
A$@ 5$y did y%u n%' add y%u l%/ed -e?
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LA+Y CHILTERN!
<Ta;in* $is $and!>
&ecause I l%/ed y%u!
<LOR+ "ORIN" 4asses in'% '$e c%nser/a'%ry!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! < isses $er!> "er'rude, y%u d%n.' ;n%5 5$a' I )eel! W$en M%n')%rd 4assed -e y%ur le''er acr%ss '$e 'able ( $e $ad %4ened i' by -is'a;e, I su44%se, 5i'$%u' l%%;in* a' '$e $and5ri'in* %n '$e en/el%4e ( and I read i' ( %$@ I did n%' care 5$a' dis*race %r 4unis$-en' 5as in s'%re )%r -e, I %nly '$%u*$' y%u l%/ed -e s'ill! LA+Y CHILTERN! T$ere is n% dis*race in s'%re )%r y%u, n%r any 4ublic s$a-e! Mrs! C$e/eley $as $anded %/er '% L%rd "%rin* '$e d%cu-en' '$a' 5as in $er 4%ssessi%n, and $e $as des'r%yed i'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! Are y%u sure %) '$is, "er'rude?
YesA L%rd "%rin* $as Bus' '%ld -e!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! T$en I a- sa)e@ O$@ 5$a' a 5%nder)ul '$in* '% be sa)e@ F%r '5% days I $a/e been in 'err%r! I a- sa)e n%5! H%5 did Ar'$ur des'r%y -y le''er? Tell -e! LA+Y CHILTERN! He burned i'!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I 5is$ I $ad seen '$a' %ne sin %) -y y%u'$ burnin* '% as$es! H%5 -any -en '$ere are in -%dern li)e 5$% 5%uld li;e '% see '$eir 4as' burnin* '% 5$i'e as$es be)%re '$e-@ Is Ar'$ur s'ill $ere? LA+Y CHILTERN! YesA $e is in '$e c%nser/a'%ry!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I a- s% *lad n%5 I -ade '$a' s4eec$ las' ni*$' in '$e H%use, s% *lad! I -ade i' '$in;in* '$a' 4ublic dis*race -i*$'
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be '$e resul'! LA+Y CHILTERN!
&u' i' $as n%' been s%! Public $%n%ur $as been '$e resul'!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I '$in; s%! I )ear s%, al-%s'! F%r al'$%u*$ I a- sa)e )r%- de'ec'i%n, al'$%u*$ e/ery 4r%%) a*ains' -e is des'r%yed, I su44%se, "er'rude ! ! ! I su44%se I s$%uld re'ire )r%4ublic li)e? <He l%%;s an=i%usly a' $is 5i)e!> LA+Y CHILTERN! <Ea*erly!> '$a'! I' is y%ur du'y '% d% '$a'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LA+Y CHILTERN! O$ yes, R%ber', y%u s$%uld d%
I' is -uc$ '% surrender!
N%A i' 5ill be -uc$ '% *ain!
<SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN 5al;s u4 and d%5n '$e r%%- 5i'$ a 'r%ubled e=4ressi%n! T$en c%-es %/er '% $is 5i)e, and 4u's $is $and %n $er s$%ulder!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! And y%u 5%uld be $a44y li/in* s%-e5$ere al%ne 5i'$ -e, abr%ad 4er$a4s, %r in '$e c%un'ry a5ay )r%L%nd%n, a5ay )r%- 4ublic li)e? Y%u 5%uld $a/e n% re*re's? LA+Y CHILTERN! O$@ n%ne, R%ber'! And y%ur a-bi'i%n )%r -e?
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Sadly!> Y%u used '% be a-bi'i%us )%r -e!
LA+Y CHILTERN! O$, -y a-bi'i%n@ I $a/e n%ne n%5, bu' '$a' 5e '5% -ay l%/e eac$ %'$er! I' 5as y%ur a-bi'i%n '$a' led y%u as'ray! Le' us n%' 'al; ab%u' a-bi'i%n! <LOR+ "ORIN" re'urns )r%- '$e c%nser/a'%ry, l%%;in* /ery 4leased 5i'$
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$i-sel), and 5i'$ an en'irely ne5 bu''%n$%le '$a' s%-e %ne $as -ade )%r $i-!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <"%in* '%5ards $i-!> Ar'$ur, I $a/e '% '$an; y%u )%r 5$a' y%u $a/e d%ne )%r -e! I d%n.' ;n%5 $%5 I can re4ay y%u! <S$a;es $ands 5i'$ $i-!> LOR+ "ORIN"! My dear )ell%5, I.ll 'ell y%u a' %nce! A' '$e 4resen' -%-en', under '$e usual 4al- 'ree ! ! ! I -ean in '$e c%nser/a'%ry ! ! ! <En'er MASON!> MASON! L%rd Ca/ers$a-!
LOR+ "ORIN"! T$a' ad-irable )a'$er %) -ine really -a;es a $abi' %) 'urnin* u4 a' '$e 5r%n* -%-en'! I' is /ery $ear'less %) $i-, /ery $ear'less indeed! <En'er LOR+ CAVERSHAM! MASON *%es %u'!>
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! "%%d -%rnin*, Lady C$il'ern@ War-es' c%n*ra'ula'i%ns '% y%u, C$il'ern, %n y%ur brillian' s4eec$ las' ni*$'! I $a/e Bus' le)' '$e Pri-e Minis'er, and y%u are '% $a/e '$e /acan' sea' in '$e Cabine'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! sea' in '$e Cabine'? LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <Hands le''er!> <Wi'$ a l%%; %) B%y and 'riu-4$!> A
YesA $ere is '$e Pri-e Minis'er.s le''er!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! in '$e Cabine'@
<Ta;es le''er and reads i'!>
A sea'
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LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Cer'ainly, and y%u 5ell deser/e i' '%%! Y%u $a/e *%' 5$a' 5e 5an' s% -uc$ in 4%li'ical li)e n%5adays ( $i*$ c$arac'er, $i*$ -%ral '%ne, $i*$ 4rinci4les! <T% LOR+ "ORIN"!> E/ery'$in* '$a' y%u $a/e n%' *%', sir, and ne/er 5ill $a/e! LOR+ "ORIN"! 4reBudices! I d%n.' li;e 4rinci4les, )a'$er! I 4re)er
<SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN is %n '$e brin; %) acce4'in* '$e Pri-e Minis'er.s %))er, 5$en $e sees 5i)e l%%;in* a' $i- 5i'$ $er clear, candid eyes! He '$en realises '$a' i' is i-4%ssible!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I cann%' acce4' '$is %))er, L%rd Ca/ers$a-! I $a/e -ade u4 -y -ind '% decline i'! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! +ecline i', sir@ My in'en'i%n is '% re'ire a' %nce
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! )r%- 4ublic li)e!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! <An*rily!> +ecline a sea' in '$e Cabine', and re'ire )r%- 4ublic li)e? Ne/er $eard suc$ da-ned n%nsense in '$e 5$%le c%urse %) -y e=is'ence! I be* y%ur 4ard%n, Lady C$il'ern! C$il'ern, I be* y%ur 4ard%n! <T% LOR+ "ORIN"!> +%n.' *rin li;e '$a', sir! LOR+ "ORIN"! N%, )a'$er!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Lady C$il'ern, y%u are a sensible 5%-an, '$e -%s' sensible 5%-an in L%nd%n, '$e -%s' sensible 5%-an I ;n%5! Will y%u ;indly 4re/en' y%ur $usband )r%- -a;in* suc$ a ! ! ! )r%'a;in* suc$ ! ! ! Will y%u ;indly d% '$a', Lady C$il'ern?
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LA+Y CHILTERN! I '$in; -y $usband in ri*$' in $is de'er-ina'i%n, L%rd Ca/ers$a-! I a44r%/e %) i'! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Y%u a44r%/e %) i'? "%%d $ea/ens@
LA+Y CHILTERN! <Ta;in* $er $usband.s $and!> I ad-ire $i)%r i'! I ad-ire $i- i--ensely )%r i'! I $a/e ne/er ad-ired $i- s% -uc$ be)%re! He is )iner '$an e/en I '$%u*$' $i-! <T% SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!> Y%u 5ill *% and 5ri'e y%ur le''er '% '$e Pri-e Minis'er n%5, 5%n.' y%u? +%n.' $esi'a'e ab%u' i', R%ber'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Wi'$ a '%uc$ %) bi''erness!> I su44%se I $ad be''er 5ri'e i' a' %nce! Suc$ %))ers are n%' re4ea'ed! 5ill as; y%u '% e=cuse -e )%r a -%-en', L%rd Ca/ers$a-! LA+Y CHILTERN! I -ay c%-e 5i'$ y%u, R%ber', -ay I n%'? Yes, "er'rude!
<LA+Y CHILTERN *%es %u' 5i'$ $i-!> LOR+ CAVERSHAM! W$a' is '$e -a''er 5i'$ '$is )a-ily? S%-e'$in* 5r%n* $ere, e$? <Ta44in* $is )%re$ead!> Idi%cy? Heredi'ary, I su44%se! &%'$ %) '$e-, '%%! Wi)e as 5ell as $usband! Very sad! Very sad indeed@ And '$ey are n%' an %ld )a-ily! Can.' unders'and i'! LOR+ "ORIN"! I' is n%' idi%cy, )a'$er, I assure y%u! W$a' is i' '$en, sir?
LOR+ CAVERSHAM!
LOR+ "ORIN"! <A)'er s%-e $esi'a'i%n!> Well, i' is 5$a' is called n%5adays a $i*$ -%ral '%ne, )a'$er! T$a' is all!
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LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Ha'e '$ese ne5()an*led na-es! Sa-e '$in* as 5e used '% call idi%cy )i)'y years a*%! S$an.' s'ay in '$is $%use any l%n*er! LOR+ "ORIN"! <Ta;in* $is ar-!> O$@ Bus' *% in $ere )%r a -%-en', )a'$er! T$ird 4al- 'ree '% '$e le)', '$e usual 4al- 'ree! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! W$a', sir?
LOR+ "ORIN"! I be* y%ur 4ard%n, )a'$er, I )%r*%'! T$e c%nser/a'%ry, )a'$er, '$e c%nser/a'%ry ( '$ere is s%-e %ne '$ere I 5an' y%u '% 'al; '%! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! LOR+ "ORIN"! W$a' ab%u', sir?
Ab%u' -e, )a'$er, <"ri-ly!> N%' a subBec' %n 5$ic$ -uc$
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! el%1uence is 4%ssible!
LOR+ "ORIN"! N%, )a'$erA bu' '$e lady is li;e -e! S$e d%esn.' care -uc$ )%r el%1uence in %'$ers! S$e '$in;s i' a li''le l%ud! <LOR+ CAVERSHAM *%es %u' in'% '$e c%nser/a'%ry! CHILTERN en'ers!> LOR+ "ORIN"! C$e/eley.s cards? LA+Y CHILTERN! LA+Y
Lady C$il'ern, 5$y are y%u 4layin* Mrs!
<S'ar'led!>
I d%n.' unders'and y%u!
LOR+ "ORIN"! Mrs! C$e/eley -ade an a''e-4' '% ruin y%ur $usband! Ei'$er '% dri/e $i- )r%- 4ublic li)e, %r '% -a;e $i- ad%4' a dis$%n%urable 4%si'i%n! Fr%- '$e la''er 'ra*edy y%u sa/ed $i-! T$e )%r-er y%u are n%5 '$rus'in* %n $i-! W$y s$%uld y%u d% $i'$e 5r%n*
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Mrs! C$e/eley 'ried '% d% and )ailed? LA+Y CHILTERN! L%rd "%rin*?
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Pullin* $i-sel) '%*e'$er )%r a *rea' e))%r', and s$%5in* '$e 4$il%s%4$er '$a' underlies '$e dandy!> Lady C$il'ern, all%5 -e! Y%u 5r%'e -e a le''er las' ni*$' in 5$ic$ y%u said y%u 'rus'ed -e and 5an'ed -y $el4! N%5 is '$e -%-en' 5$en y%u really 5an' -y $el4, n%5 is '$e 'i-e 5$en y%u $a/e *%' '% 'rus' -e, '% 'rus' in -y c%unsel and Bud*-en'! Y%u l%/e R%ber'! +% y%u 5an' '% ;ill $is l%/e )%r y%u? W$a' s%r' %) e=is'ence 5ill $e $a/e i) y%u r%b $i%) '$e )rui's %) $is a-bi'i%n, i) y%u 'a;e $i- )r%- '$e s4lend%ur %) a *rea' 4%li'ical career, i) y%u cl%se '$e d%%rs %) 4ublic li)e a*ains' $i-, i) y%u c%nde-n $i- '% s'erile )ailure, $e 5$% 5as -ade )%r 'riu-4$ and success? W%-en are n%' -ean' '% Bud*e us, bu' '% )%r*i/e us 5$en 5e need )%r*i/eness! Pard%n, n%' 4unis$-en', is '$eir -issi%n! W$y s$%uld y%u sc%ur*e $i- 5i'$ r%ds )%r a sin d%ne in $is y%u'$, be)%re $e ;ne5 y%u, be)%re $e ;ne5 $i-sel)? A -an.s li)e is %) -%re /alue '$an a 5%-an.s! I' $as lar*er issues, 5ider sc%4e, *rea'er a-bi'i%ns! A 5%-an.s li)e re/%l/es in cur/es %) e-%'i%ns! I' is u4%n lines %) in'ellec' '$a' a -an.s li)e 4r%*resses! +%n.' -a;e any 'errible -is'a;e, Lady C$il'ern! A 5%-an 5$% can ;ee4 a -an.s l%/e, and l%/e $i- in re'urn, $as d%ne all '$e 5%rld 5an's %) 5%-en, %r s$%uld 5an' %) '$e-! LA+Y CHILTERN! <Tr%ubled and $esi'a'in*!> &u' i' is -y $usband $i-sel) 5$% 5is$es '% re'ire )r%- 4ublic li)e! He )eels i' is $is
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du'y!
I' 5as $e 5$% )irs' said s%!
LOR+ "ORIN"! Ra'$er '$an l%se y%ur l%/e, R%ber' 5%uld d% any'$in*, 5rec; $is 5$%le career, as $e is %n '$e brin; %) d%in* n%5! He is -a;in* )%r y%u a 'errible sacri)ice! Ta;e -y ad/ice, Lady C$il'ern, and d% n%' acce4' a sacri)ice s% *rea'! I) y%u d%, y%u 5ill li/e '% re4en' i' bi''erly! We -en and 5%-en are n%' -ade '% acce4' suc$ sacri)ices )r%- eac$ %'$er! We are n%' 5%r'$y %) '$e-! &esides, R%ber' $as been 4unis$ed en%u*$! LA+Y CHILTERN! '%% $i*$! We $a/e b%'$ been 4unis$ed! I se' $i- u4
LOR+ "ORIN"! <Wi'$ dee4 )eelin* in $is /%ice!> +% n%' )%r '$a' reas%n se' $i- d%5n n%5 '%% l%5! I) $e $as )allen )r%- $is al'ar, d% n%' '$rus' $i- in'% '$e -ire! Failure '% R%ber' 5%uld be '$e /ery -ire %) s$a-e! P%5er is $is 4assi%n! He 5%uld l%se e/ery'$in*, e/en $is 4%5er '% )eel l%/e! Y%ur $usband.s li)e is a' '$is -%-en' in y%ur $ands, y%ur $usband.s l%/e is in y%ur $ands! +%n.' -ar b%'$ )%r $i-! <En'er SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "er'rude, $ere is '$e dra)' %) -y le''er! S$all I read i' '% y%u? LA+Y CHILTERN! Le' -e see i'! S$e reads i', and '$en,
<SIR RO&ERT $ands $er '$e le''er! 5i'$ a *es'ure %) 4assi%n, 'ears i' u4!> SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN!
W$a' are y%u d%in*?
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LA+Y CHILTERN! A -an.s li)e is %) -%re /alue '$an a 5%-an.s! I' $as lar*er issues, 5ider sc%4e, *rea'er a-bi'i%ns! Our li/es re/%l/e in cur/es %) e-%'i%ns! I' is u4%n lines %) in'ellec' '$a' a -an.s li)e 4r%*resses! I $a/e Bus' learn' '$is, and -uc$ else 5i'$ i', )r%L%rd "%rin*! And I 5ill n%' s4%il y%ur li)e )%r y%u, n%r see y%u s4%il i' as a sacri)ice '% -e, a useless sacri)ice@ SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! "er'rude@ "er'rude@ And I
LA+Y CHILTERN! Y%u can )%r*e'! Men easily )%r*e'! )%r*i/e! T$a' is $%5 5%-en $el4 '$e 5%rld! I see '$a' n%5!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <+ee4ly %/erc%-e by e-%'i%n, e-braces $er!> My 5i)e@ -y 5i)e@ <T% LOR+ "ORIN"!> Ar'$ur, i' see-s '$a' I a- al5ays '% be in y%ur deb'! LOR+ "ORIN"! O$ dear n%, R%ber'! C$il'ern, n%' '% -e@ Y%ur deb' is '% Lady
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! I %5e y%u -uc$! And n%5 'ell -e 5$a' y%u 5ere *%in* '% as; -e Bus' n%5 as L%rd Ca/ers$a- ca-e in! LOR+ "ORIN"! R%ber', y%u are y%ur sis'er.s *uardian, and I 5an' y%ur c%nsen' '% -y -arria*e 5i'$ $er! T$a' is all! LA+Y CHILTERN! $ands 5i'$ LOR+ "ORIN"!> LOR+ "ORIN"! O$, I a- s% *lad@ I a- s% *lad@ <S$a;es
T$an; y%u, Lady C$il'ern! <Wi'$ a 'r%ubled l%%;!> My sis'er '%
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! be y%ur 5i)e? LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes!
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SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <S4ea;in* 5i'$ *rea' )ir-ness!> Ar'$ur, I a/ery s%rry, bu' '$e '$in* is 1ui'e %u' %) '$e 1ues'i%n! I $a/e '% '$in; %) Mabel.s )u'ure $a44iness! And I d%n.' '$in; $er $a44iness 5%uld be sa)e in y%ur $ands! And I cann%' $a/e $er sacri)iced@ LOR+ "ORIN"! Sacri)iced@
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! Yes, u''erly sacri)iced! L%/eless -arria*es are $%rrible! &u' '$ere is %ne '$in* 5%rse '$an an abs%lu'ely l%/eless -arria*e! A -arria*e in 5$ic$ '$ere is l%/e, bu' %n %ne side %nlyA )ai'$, bu' %n %ne side %nlyA de/%'i%n, bu' %n %ne side %nly, and in 5$ic$ %) '$e '5% $ear's %ne is sure '% be br%;en! LOR+ "ORIN"! 4lace in -y li)e! LA+Y CHILTERN! '$ey n%' be -arried? &u' I l%/e Mabel! N% %'$er 5%-an $as any
R%ber', i) '$ey l%/e eac$ %'$er, 5$y s$%uld
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$a' s$e deser/es! LOR+ "ORIN"!
Ar'$ur cann%' brin* Mabel '$e l%/e
W$a' reas%n $a/e y%u )%r sayin* '$a'? <A)'er a 4ause!> +% y%u really
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! re1uire -e '% 'ell y%u? LOR+ "ORIN"!
Cer'ainly I d%!
SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! As y%u c$%%se! W$en I called %n y%u yes'erday e/enin* I )%und Mrs! C$e/eley c%ncealed in y%ur r%%-s! I' 5as
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be'5een 'en and ele/en %.cl%c; a' ni*$'! I d% n%' 5is$ '% say any'$in* -%re! Y%ur rela'i%ns 5i'$ Mrs! C$e/eley $a/e, as I said '% y%u las' ni*$', n%'$in* 5$a's%e/er '% d% 5i'$ -e! I ;n%5 y%u 5ere en*a*ed '% be -arried '% $er %nce! T$e )ascina'i%n s$e e=ercised %/er y%u '$en see-s '% $a/e re'urned! Y%u s4%;e '% -e las' ni*$' %) $er as %) a 5%-an 4ure and s'ainless, a 5%-an 5$%- y%u res4ec'ed and $%n%ured! T$a' -ay be s%! &u' I cann%' *i/e -y sis'er.s li)e in'% y%ur $ands! I' 5%uld be 5r%n* %) -e! I' 5%uld be unBus', in)a-%usly unBus' '% $er! LOR+ "ORIN"! I $a/e n%'$in* -%re '% say!
LA+Y CHILTERN! R%ber', i' 5as n%' Mrs! C$e/eley 5$%- L%rd "%rin* e=4ec'ed las' ni*$'! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! N%' Mrs! C$e/eley@ W$% 5as i' '$en?
Lady C$il'ern@
LA+Y CHILTERN! I' 5as y%ur %5n 5i)e! R%ber', yes'erday a)'ern%%n L%rd "%rin* '%ld -e '$a' i) e/er I 5as in 'r%uble I c%uld c%-e '% $i)%r $el4, as $e 5as %ur %ldes' and bes' )riend! La'er %n, a)'er '$a' 'errible scene in '$is r%%-, I 5r%'e '% $i- 'ellin* $i'$a' I 'rus'ed $i-, '$a' I $ad need %) $i-, '$a' I 5as c%-in* '% $i- )%r $el4 and ad/ice! <SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN 'a;es '$e le''er %u' %) $is 4%c;e'!> Yes, '$a' le''er! I didn.' *% '% L%rd "%rin*.s, a)'er all! I )el' '$a' i' is )r%- %ursel/es al%ne '$a' $el4 can c%-e! Pride -ade -e '$in; '$a'! Mrs! C$e/eley 5en'! S$e s'%le -y le''er and
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sen' i' an%ny-%usly '% y%u '$is -%rnin*, '$a' y%u s$%uld '$in; ! ! ! O$@ R%ber', I cann%' 'ell y%u 5$a' s$e 5is$ed y%u '% '$in;! ! ! ! SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! W$a'@ Had I )allen s% l%5 in y%ur eyes '$a' y%u '$%u*$' '$a' e/en )%r a -%-en' I c%uld $a/e d%ub'ed y%ur *%%dness? "er'rude, "er'rude, y%u are '% -e '$e 5$i'e i-a*e %) all *%%d '$in*s, and sin can ne/er '%uc$ y%u! Ar'$ur, y%u can *% '% Mabel, and y%u $a/e -y bes' 5is$es@ O$@ s'%4 a -%-en'! T$ere is n% na-e a' '$e be*innin* %) '$is le''er! T$e brillian' Mrs! C$e/eley d%es n%' see- '% $a/e n%'iced '$a'! T$ere s$%uld be a na-e! LA+Y CHILTERN! need! Y%u and n%ne else! Le' -e 5ri'e y%urs! I' is y%u I 'rus' and
LOR+ "ORIN"! Well, really, Lady C$il'ern, I '$in; I s$%uld $a/e bac; -y %5n le''er! LA+Y CHILTERN! <S-ilin*!> N%A y%u s$all $a/e Mabel! <Ta;es '$e le''er and 5ri'es $er $usband.s na-e %n i'!> LOR+ "ORIN"! Well, I $%4e s$e $asn.' c$an*ed $er -ind! I'.s nearly '5en'y -inu'es since I sa5 $er las'! <En'er MA&EL CHILTERN and LOR+ CAVERSHAM!> MA&EL CHILTERN! L%rd "%rin*, I '$in; y%ur )a'$er.s c%n/ersa'i%n -uc$ -%re i-4r%/in* '$an y%urs! I a- %nly *%in* '% 'al; '% L%rd Ca/ers$ain '$e )u'ure, and al5ays under '$e usual 4al- 'ree! LOR+ "ORIN"! +arlin*@ < isses $er!> W$a' d%es
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! '$is -ean,
<C%nsiderably 'a;en abac;!>
138
sir? Y%u d%n.' -ean '% say '$a' '$is c$ar-in*, cle/er y%un* lady $as been s% )%%lis$ as '% acce4' y%u? LOR+ "ORIN"! Cer'ainly, )a'$er@ en%u*$ '% acce4' '$e sea' in '$e Cabine'! And C$il'ern.s been 5ise
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! I a- /ery *lad '% $ear '$a', C$il'ern ! ! ! I c%n*ra'ula'e y%u, sir! I) '$e c%un'ry d%esn.' *% '% '$e d%*s %r '$e Radicals, 5e s$all $a/e y%u Pri-e Minis'er, s%-e day! <En'er MASON!> MASON! Lunc$e%n is %n '$e 'able, -y Lady@
<MASON *%es %u'!> MA&EL CHILTERN! 5%n.' y%u? Y%u.ll s'%4 '% lunc$e%n, L%rd Ca/ers$a-,
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! Wi'$ 4leasure, and I.ll dri/e y%u d%5n '% +%5nin* S'ree' a)'er5ards, C$il'ern! Y%u $a/e a *rea' )u'ure be)%re y%u, a *rea' )u'ure! Wis$ I c%uld say '$e sa-e )%r y%u, sir! <T% LOR+ "ORIN"!> &u' y%ur career 5ill $a/e '% be en'irely d%-es'ic! LOR+ "ORIN"! Yes, )a'$er, I 4re)er i' d%-es'ic!
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! And i) y%u d%n.' -a;e '$is y%un* lady an ideal $usband, I.ll cu' y%u %)) 5i'$ a s$illin*! MA&EL CHILTERN! An ideal $usband@ O$, I d%n.' '$in; I s$%uld li;e '$a'! I' s%unds li;e s%-e'$in* in '$e ne=' 5%rld! LOR+ CAVERSHAM! W$a' d% y%u 5an' $i- '% be '$en, dear? All I 5an' is
MA&EL CHILTERN! He can be 5$a' $e c$%%ses! '% be ! ! ! '% be ! ! ! %$@ a real 5i)e '% $i-!
139
LOR+ CAVERSHAM! #4%n -y 5%rd, '$ere is a *%%d deal %) c%--%n sense in '$a', Lady C$il'ern! <T$ey all *% %u' e=ce4' SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! He sin;s in a c$air, 5ra4' in '$%u*$'! A)'er a li''le 'i-e LA+Y CHILTERN re'urns '% l%%; )%r $i-!> LA+Y CHILTERN! <Leanin* %/er '$e bac; %) '$e c$air!> Aren.' y%u c%-in* in, R%ber'? SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! <Ta;in* $er $and!> l%/e y%u )eel )%r -e, %r is i' 4i'y -erely? "er'rude, is i'
LA+Y CHILTERN! < isses $i-!> I' is l%/e, R%ber'! and %nly l%/e! F%r b%'$ %) us a ne5 li)e is be*innin*! C#RTAIN
L%/e,
140

An Ideal Husband - Oscar Wilde

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An Ideal Husband - Oscar Wilde

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An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde

H%rribly 'edi%us 4ar'ies '$ey *i/e,

Ne/er ;n%5 5$y I *%!

I c%-e $ere '% be educa'ed A$@ I $a'e bein* educa'ed@

<S$a;in* $er $ead!>

I d%n.' '$in; L%rd "%rin* $as

<MA&EL CHILTERN is a 4er)ec' e=a-4le %) '$e En*lis$ 'y4e %)

Fi/e years a*%@

+% '$ey say '$a' $ere?

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! -ean! LA+Y MAR &Y! 4leasan'

O$@ s$e *%es e/ery5$ere '$ere, and $as suc$

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! c$ar-in*@

I a- sure '$ey 5ere )%r s%-e'$in*

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$e 4r%ble- %) 5%-en?

Y%u '$in; science cann%' *ra44le 5i'$

Well(dressed 5%-en d%!

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! is 4%li'ics %r 4leasure?

Well, a' any ra'e, -ay I ;n%5 i) i'

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! )an!> I?

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY!

+% 'ell -e 5$a' i' is!

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY!

A' %ne 'i-e!

W%nder)ul -an, 5asn.' $e? <A)'er a 4ause!> He 5as /ery

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! re-ar;able, in -any 5ays!

L%rd "%rin* is '$e resul' %) &%%dle.s

T$ere is n% dan*er, a' 4resen'@

Ha/e y%u -issed -e? A5)ully@

I a- /ery sel)is$! Y%u are al5ays 'ellin* -e %) y%ur bad

MA&EL CHILTERN! 1uali'ies, L%rd "%rin*! LOR+ "ORIN"! Miss Mabel@

LOR+ "ORIN"! Cui'e dread)ul@ ni*$' I *% '% slee4 a' %nce!

MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"!

All reas%ns are absurd! W$a' s%r' %) a 5%-an is s$e?

MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"! ni*$'@

MA&EL CHILTERN! LOR+ "ORIN"!

T$a' s$%5s y%ur ad-irable *%%d 'as'e!

T$en, -y dear NanBac, y%u -us' cer'ainly read

MA&EL CHILTERN! 5%uld n%' unders'and i'!

<"%es %u' 5i'$ '$e VICOMTE +E NAN,AC! u4 '% $is s%n!>

LOR+ CAVERSHAM c%-es

Y%u see- '% -e '% be li/in* en'irely )%r

I $%4e n%', )a'$er!

And a /ery sensible re-ar; )%r

S$e B%ins '$e *r%u4!>

W$y are y%u 'al;in* ab%u' Mrs! C$e/eley?

$e $as ne/er %nce '%ld -e '$a' I 5as un%bser/an'@

Y%u 5en' a5ay 5i'$ '$e c$ild(

I li;e y%u i--ensely!

Men are *r%ssly -a'erial, *r%ssly -a'erial@

Y%u l%%; 1ui'e En*lis$, Vic%-'e, 1ui'e

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! a )%%lis$ '$in*? MRS! CHEVELEY!

Y%ur %ld )riend ( and -ine! W$%?

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY!

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! '$a' y%u are n%'!

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! Yes!

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! 5$a' y%u -ean!

I a- a)raid I d%n.' 1ui'e unders'and

<Risin* and )acin* $i-!>

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! any su- %) -%ney y%u 5an'!

I 5ill *i/e y%u

Y%u $a/e '%!

I) y%u d%n.' ! ! ! <Rises

SIR RO&ERT CHILTERN! MRS! CHEVELEY! Vienna '%( ni*$'!

LOR+ "ORIN"! Cui'e dread)ul@ ni$' I % '% slee4 a' %nce!

Men are r%ssly -a'erial, r%ssly -a'erial@

Y%u s$%uld % '% bed, Miss Mabel! L%rd "%rin@

Yes! T$e %'$er ues's $a/e %ne!>

I b%u$' success a' a rea' 4rice!