RESTORATIVE COVERSATIO – TIP SHEET

To be used in conjunction with ‘DIALOGUE TO RESOLVE COFLICT’ sheet.

“Can you tell me what happened and how you became involved?”
This question has a major role as a conversation ‘starter’ for the student. You will often hear excuses
during their explanation but rather than directly challenging those excuses, direct the student back to the
strict facts. Maintain a neutral tone at this early stage of the conversation as an indicator to the student
that you wish to address the wrong-doing in a fair and rational manner.

“What were you thinking at the time?”

This is often a difficult question for the student to answer –usually because the student had employed
little or no forethought. This question also can reveal to the student a careless or selfish motivation that
they had never dwelt upon before.

“Who do you think has been affected by what you did/said – in what ways?”
This is the big question! Although the student may hope that you will quickly move on to another
question, you should not rush the student in their explanation. They will usually identify the most obvious
victim(s) quite quickly but may not recognise all the ways that they may have harmed the victim – you
may have to drop little hints and wait a few seconds each time in order for the student to follow that line
of thought.

You will probably have to ‘nudge’ the student to identify all the people who have been harmed by their
actions – once again, be patient because students rarely have a clear perception of what they have done.

If you as a teacher have been one of the victims of the student’s actions, this is the best time to verify that
– but use a measured, calm tone that indicates that you are in control of your emotions. Do not just
mention the harm that the student is probably aware of – tell him/her also about the harm that the student
is probably unaware of.

“How do you feel about your actions when you look back at the event now?”
This question is best delivered in a calm and supportive tone - this is not a time to gloat at the student’s
earlier stupidity! If the student begins to acknowledge the depth of their wrong-doing, do not minimise
their mistake or moralise – allow the student to speak. Acknowledge their sincerity if possible.

If the student totally avoids acknowledging his/her wrong-doing or the harm that resulted from it, you
may want to vocalise that observation. Using a calm voice, you may wish to state that their attitude
leaves you little choice but to approach the incident from a more punitive approach.

“What do you believe you need to do to repair the harm done?” (from 4th paragraph)
Once again, this question is best delivered in a supportive rather than accusatory tone. It is preferable that
students reach their own conclusions on this – because it is thereafter more likely that they will meet their
promises. Students can sometimes be more ruthless upon themselves at this part of the process then staff
would be – your role here may be to dissuade the student from unrealistic commitments and to guide
them towards a restorative act that best matches their ‘offence’.

It is good at this point to clarify the student intentions, such as timeframes, etc. A warm-hearted farewell
at this point is a positive way to end your restorative conversation. WELL DONE!