1

Children's Stories of 1950s Ireland

by Patrick Hughes

Contents The Perfect Hiding Place The Cannibal Chickens of Ireland Ducks in a Pond here !h here is "y Hurling Stick ildbea# $oes to %#erica These stories &ere &ritten in 199'( and all e)ce*t for the last &ere *ublished+ ildbea# &as ne,er sub#itted to a *ublisher because I had #y second by*ass in -o,e#ber that year( and &ent on the .- Peacekee*ing "ission in %ngola /anuary 1990+ hile there I &rote hu#an rights *lays for T1 and 2adio a#ong #any other *ro3ects that de#anded all of #y attention+

5The Perfect Hiding Place5 *ublished in Hodgepodge( &on the 5199' $oodin illia#s and $ood&in 6iterary %ssociates5+

riting for Children Contest S*onsored by

THE PERFECT HIDING PLACE Thirty kids stood in the ,illage s7uare ready to *lay hide and seek or fo) and hounds as &e called it+ I &as t&el,e and it &as #y first ti#e to *lay the fo)+ -o one kne& &hat I &as going to do( not e,en #y sister( and I al&ays told her e,erything+ Surrounded by his *ack of 8hounds9( big Harry Hogan taunted #e+ 8 e:ll get you( too( 3ust like your brother+9 Harry had ne,er been caught+ 8%re you ready;9 He shouted++ I ran u* the #ain road *ast the old courthouse+ !nce out of sight( I cli#bed o,er a &all and doubled back through an orchard+ I took no notice of the ri*e *ears and a**les+ Soon I &as in "r+ <arrell:s far#yard not far fro# the s7uare+ =arlier in the day I had left the tiny red door high u* on the back &all of the bull:s house slightly a3ar+ -o& I found a foothold in the granite stone &all and &ith #y fingers in a cre,ice( *ulled #yself u*+ <ro# the distance I heard Hogan urge on the cro&d+ 8Tally Ho> Tally Ho> The fifteen #inutes are u*+9 % big cheer filled the s7uare( and the hounds &ere off+ I closed the door fir#ly( and cra&led through the darkness across the stra&?co,ered floor of the loft to&ard the light+ 2eaching the edge of the loft I *ee*ed o,er+ @elo& #e the big Hereford bull raised his head+ He had heard #e+ "r+ <arrell had tied a thick board to the bull:s horns to li#it his ,ie&+ He contorted his neck to see around the board+ The &hite of one eye glared at #e and he backed u* to an iron gate

that led to the barnyard+ His head s&ayed back and forth+ I stared at the flared nostrils( all #oist( red and ugly fro# the ring that secured a hea,y chain+ I 7uietly &ithdre&+ Settling into a dark corner( I recalled ho& I had found this s*ecial *lace+ I &as &alking through the yard one day and heard the loud cackle of the hen that had laid her egg in the loft+ She ca#e to the little door and fle& to the ground+ The thought #ade #e giggle( but then I heard a dog bark+ It &as Harry Hogan:s %lsatian> He &as using Pete to track #e> I had often thro&n a ball for hi#( but no& he &as barking outside #y lair+ He kne&> Hogan:s *ack ca#e to the gate+ Digging #y s*ecial #arble out of #y trouser *ocket I tossed it at the bull striking hi# in the flank+ He began to t&ist and turn crashing his head against the iron gate+ The board tied to his horns to di#inish his ,ision ga,e a loud crack+ 2aising his nose in the air( he released a dee* sound that ended &ith an angry snort+ The dog barked e,en louder+ The bull roared again+ The chickens ran fro# their nesting *laces+ 8Co#e a&ay+ Co#e a&ay(9 Peggy Buinn called out( her ,oice filled &ith fear+ Then I heard "r+ <arrell+ 8$et a&ay fro# there> $et a&ay fro# that craCy bull>9 Harry Hogan backed off+ 86et:s go e,erybody+ -o one &ould dare get in a stall &ith that bull+9 %s they #o,ed a&ay I heard the a&e in Peggy:s ,oice+ 9Did you see that big eye;9 Soon there &as silence+ I began to rela) and ate so#e candy+ They caught #y brother three ti#es( I thought to #yself+ !ne su##er he had cli#bed the highest oak tree+ -o& I kne& ho& Harry found hi#+ That dog *icked u* his trail+ I listened to the &ind as it lifted the branches on the trees and brushed the dead lea,es along the gal,aniCed roof abo,e+ The bull &as 7uiet and #erely *a&ed the cobblestones &ith his hoof+ There &as fresh hay in the feed bin+ It s#elled good+ I could hear

little sounds in the stra&+ I fell aslee*+ aking u*( I heard the slo& s&ish of the bull:s tail+ The loft see#ed darker+ I cre*t o,er to the little door and *ushed it o*en+ -ot a sound+ The sun &as setting+ It &as safe+ I 3u#*ed to the soft earth belo&+ The kids( all but Harry that is &ere in the s7uare+ o*ened a corridor to let #e *ass through to #y house+ hen I &alked in the kitchen door "o# &as at the sto,e turning the eggs( 8I kne& you &ouldn:t be late for su**er>9 She s*oke &ithout turning round+ I sat do&n 7uietly in #y chair+ 8So( &here &ere you any&ay;9 she asked *utting a *late on the table+ 8Eour brother says you outfo)ed the# all+9 8Hiding(9 I ans&ered( and she said no #ore+ hen they sa& #e they cheered and

THE CANNIBAL CHICKENS OF IRELAND

8I really #iss the fe& chickens around the house( Patrick(9 "o# said+ She had been raised on a far#+ 8 ell(9 said #y to&nie father( 8Eou &on:t catch #e ste**ing around those dro**ings> %ny chickens in this house &ill be on the table( roasted+9 8I could hel* take care of the#(9 I said( kno&ing he &anted to kee* #e busy+ e ke*t u* the attack and finally Dad ca,ed in+ 8%ll right(9 he said( checking the crease in his *ants+ 8@ut confine the# to the lo&er yard

out back+9 8Don:t &orry( Dad(9 I chi**ed in+ 8I:ll kee* the# under control+9 8I al&ays &anted 2hode Island 2eds(9 "o# disclosed to #e on our &ay to the far#er:s #arket+ Soon t&enty little chicks &ere chir*ing contentedly in a cardboard bo) on our &ay ho#e+ 8Patrick( don:t let the# near the kitchen door or #y &orksho*(9 Dad &arned #e+ 8Fee* Ge# locked in the lo&er yard+9 I fed the# &ell and soon( "o# &as collecting fresh bro&n eggs in the folds of her long skirt+ Dad changed his tune about hens &hen those fresh eggs &ere siCCling in the *an+ "onths later( I noticed a chicken that &as *ecking feathers fro# another:s botto#+ I re*orted the *eculiarity to "o#( our e)*ert in chicken affairs+ 8-e,er heard of such a thing>9 she e)clai#ed+ $radually the &hole troo* took u* the *ractice( *ecking circles around e,ery hind 7uarter &ith geo#etric *recision+ Stri**ed of their feather co,ers( the botto#s gre& ra& and bloodied+ 8Its cannibalis#(9 "o# re*orted ha,ing consulted her sister+ 8 ith no grass or ,egetables in the lo&er yard( they:,e beco#e cannibalistic+9 8I:ll sol,e that *roble#(9 I said+ 8 e ha,e *lenty of ,egetable scra*s in the garden+9 Dad:s garden stretched out fro# the kitchen &indo& on one side of our house+ His beanstalks( to#ato *lants( carrots( onions( cucu#bers( egg*lants and *otatoes &ere all arranged

in neat ro&s+ I gre& cabbages and lettuce to #ake #oney for su##er ca#*ing and tri##ed the# for the #arket+ To increase our su**ly of scra*s( I offered to tidy u* Dad:s section of the garden+ He did not ob3ect+ He liked his garden shi*sha*e( and the eggs continued to be tasty no #atter ho& those botto#s looked+ !ne #orning( "o# and I &ere gathering cabbage lea,es in the garden &hen &e sa& the chickens *ass us by to ra#ble do&n the terrace &alk clucking( cackling and ga&king at their strange surroundings+ .nfortunately the ,eggie change in their diet had not #ade a difference in their a**earance+ G!h( no(9 #y #other #oaned+ 8The coal#an #ust ha,e left all the doors o*en &hen he #ade that deli,ery+9 !ne by one the bare?botto#ed &retches strutted along by the garden+ They &ere headed for the #ain road> 86et:s get the#(9 I yelled+ 8 ait9( "o# called out+ 8I don:t &ant anyone to kno& I e,er had anything to do &ith such creatures+ They:re a disgrace to us all+9 The 2hode Island 2eds *araded on( occasionally e)*osing the#sel,es e,en #ore arrogantly as they bent do&n to *eck at &eeds or grass along the &ay+ Then I sa& the lace curtain #o,e in the front &indo& of the house across the #ain road fro# our terrace &alk+ 8 e:re in trouble(9 I hissed+ 8It:s the 2ed Dooley>9

'

"rs+ Dooley had fla#ing red hair and a *enchant for &atching all the co#ings and goings of her neighbors+ The lace curtain &ould fall into *lace &hen she finished her 8obser,ation and analysis of the situation9 as Dad used to say+ This ti#e( she ca#e flying out( ar#s outstretched to block the leading chicken+ "o# and I bolted for the house and got a full ,ie& of the s*ectacle fro# the kitchen &indo&+ The 2ed Dooley &as triu#*hant> She herded the flock of &retched birds( controlling e,en the #ost unruly that #ight other&ise ha,e esca*ed into Dad:s garden+ 8She can:t kno& they:re ours>9 "o# said ho*efully+ 8She #ay think they belong to so#eone further u* the terrace+9 @ut the 2ed Dooley had her facts straight and shooed the# straight into our hall&ay+ 8"rs+ Hayes>9 She called out+ 8I brought back your chickens+9 8$o> $o to her(9 "o# ordered( holding her hands o,er her ears+ The 2ed Dooley blocked their retreat to the street( &hile I dro,e the ragged lot out the back door( shutting it behind the#+ 8Thanks( "rs+ Dooley(9 I called out( gi,ing her #y best s#ile and a &a,e+ It &as no good+ The 2ed Dooley stood her ground in the front door e)*ecting to be in,ited in for a cu* of tea( &hich &ould gi,e her a first look at our inner sanctuary+ I &alked out to her and *ointedly *ut a hand on the door+

8"o#:s a little sick today(9 I lied+ 8She:s aslee* right no&+ Thanks for sa,ing the chickens though+9 2eluctantly( the 2ed Dooley retraced her ste*s do&n to her house( glancing o,er a shoulder no& and then+ 8$et rid of the#(9 "o# said &hen I got back to the kitchen+ 8I don:t care ho&+9 8 e could roast the#(9 I suggested+ 8Though t&enty chickens see#s a lot+9 8-o( no+ I:# going to lie do&n+ I don:t &ant to see the# &hen I get u*+9 !ne by one( I took the #iserable creatures into Dad:s &orksho* and choked the#+ The bodies *iled u* on the bench as I carried out #y gri# task+ hat a &aste( I thought+ There:s nothing &rong &ith these chickens+ !F( so they ate feathers+ That:s no cri#e+ Their eggs re#ained tasty+ These birds &ere *lu#*( too( &ith all that feeding I did+ hy not sell the#; %fter all( I thought( they:,e done #ost the *re*aration+ Their

already half *lucked> The 3ob co#*leted( I thought they looked 3ust *erfect for the dinner table+ I took the# to "r+ @utler &ho ran the fo&l stall at the #arket+ 8They:re great chickens( lad(9 he said &ith a &ink( thinking he had fooled #e into selling chea*+ %rri,ing ho#e( I tucked the cash into #y ca#*ing *iggy bank+ I &as already looking for&ard to a &eek in the #ountains+

Dad laughed &hen I told hi# &hat ha**ened+ 8Patrick( I thought you &ere going to kee* those chickens under control(9 he said+ 8@ut then( it:s an ill &ind that blo&s nobody good+ %nd you #ade out real good in the end+9 Poor "o#> She ne,er drea#t I:d sell those 8diseased &retches9 as she no& referred to her *recious 2hode Island 2eds+ <or &eeks( she e)*ected to hear of &hole fa#ilies getting sick after buying fo&l at the #arket+ There &as no such re*ort( but it &as so#e ti#e before she cooked us a roast chicken+

DUCKS IN A POND 8I can:t &ait to sit do&n to a cou*le of big blue duck eggs>9 Dad said ha**ily( as &e dro,e along the road by the #ountain to #y aunt:s far#+ 8It:s not far no&+9 8Eou and your duck eggs(9 I re*lied &ith a grin+ 8"o# said her duck eggs lured you into #arriage+ "aybe you:ll #arry %unt "ary no& that "o# is no longer in charge of the ducks+9 8%nd di,orce your "o#(9 Dad laughed+ 8-o &ay( Patrick+ @ut I &ill let your %unt "ary boil a fe& eggs before I lea,e tonight+9 e turned into the long dri,e&ay flanked by leafy laurels+ 8There he is(9 I yelled+ 8That:s Sa#( the shee* dog I trained last su##er>9 hen I 3u#*ed out of the car( Sa# ca#e bouncing to&ard #e+ He rose u* to rest his *a&s on #y shoulders( and licked #y face+ 8 elco#e Patrick>9 %unt "ary &as standing at the front door( a black kitten *ee*ing out fro# behind her legs+ 8Sa#:s going to en3oy this ,acation as #uch as yourself+9 8!h %unt "ary( I:# so e)cited(9 I said and ga,e her a big hug+

10

8I bet you kno& &hat I &ant before I lea,e this e,ening>9 Dad chi**ed in as &e entered the kitchen+ 8I:# sorry /oe( but the bro&n ducks died of so#e disease(9 %unt "ary ans&ered sadly+ 8I bought a score of &hite ducklings to re*lace the#+ They:re a right bunch of scally&ags+ $adding about all day( they ha,e no ti#e to lay eggs>9 8!h &ell> Dad sighed his disa**oint#ent+ He had talked of nothing but duck eggs for days+ They began to chat about this and that( but I &as not listening+ Instead( I thu#bed through .ncle /ohnny:s collection of The <ar#er:s /ournal+ I found the article I &anted??? about getting deadbeat ducks to lay> Sa# &aited *atiently by #y side &hile I read the scientific #ethod to be a**lied+ The kitten ca#e *urring by( rubbed against #y leg( and then #ade Sa# into a scratching *ost( dragging her nails through his long beige hair+ 8%unt "ary( read this>9 I &as so e)cited that I broke in on Dad:s story+ 8The three D:s ??? disci*line( diet and detention ??? that:s &hat your ducks need+9 8!h( I couldn:t lock the# u* in that stone house all su##er+9 8@ut %unt "ary(9 I reasoned+ 8.ncle /ohnny( $od rest hi#( al&ays belie,ed in scientific far#ing+ Ho& about a co#*ro#ise( for his sake;+ I:ll take the ducks to the *ond for an hour e,ery #orning and e,ening+9 8Ho& do you intend to get a score of rogue ducks out of that big *ond;9 Dad asked( laughing+ 8Sa#(9 I re*lied+ 8Eou sa& hi# at &ork %unt "ary+ !n a &et day I'd set hi# on to those t&o geese out there and ha,e hi# try to #aneu,er the# in the kitchen door &ith us inside+

11

!F( that &as i#*ossible( but he and I can handle those ducks+ %nd that's for sure+9 =arly ne)t #orning( %unt "ary &ent for the s*ecial feed reco##ended in the 3ournal+ I o*ened the duck house door and let in the sunlight+ Their &hite *lu#age bristled as the sca#*s *re*ared to Ci* out+ 8Eou ha,e to learn &ho:s boss right a&ay(9 I said sternly( &agging a finger at the#+ 8Sit(9 I ordered( and Sa# *arked hi#self in the door&ay+ They eyed hi# briefly and backed off( t&itching their fluffy tails+ % short &histle sent Sa# across the court yard to block off the orchard( one of their fa,orite snacking s*ots+ I co,ered the entrance to the bull:s field+ The ducks filed out looking e,ery &hich &ay( but they had only one choice+ They toddled u* the cobblestone *assage by the stables at the back of the far#house+ I *ointed to the to* of the hill( and Sa# &ent slinking *ast the ducks to barricade the entrance to the barn?yard+ %unt "ary said the rascals lo,ed the #uddy *uddles and tidbits of corn around the barn+ The long &hite line ,eered right( and the ducks &addled and 7uacked their &ay do&n the stony hill+ They do,e into the *ond i##ediately( s*reading out in e,ery direction+ % fe& re#ained ti**ing and dabbling by the edge+ !ne darted at a ri,al( sna**ing and s*lashing ,igorously+ "ost cut a trail into the dee* &ater( dunking their flat bills do&n under+ % loner s&a# slo&ly out+ Her head tilted to one side( she &atched #e &ith a &icked left eye+ Three reached the far end of the *ond and disa**eared into a #ound co,ered &ith tall grass and reeds+ -ot to &orry( I thought+ They &on:t dare take off into the &oods+ Then I s*otted the real danger+ "ore than ten ducks &ere already cli#bing o,er the granite stones of a broken?do&n &all along the left side of the *ond( bent on esca*ing into the

14

o,ergro&n disused orchard beyond>

ith no *aths( and only bra#bles and thorny shrubbery

e,ery&here( neither I nor Sa# could go in after the#+ 8Sa#(9 I called( *ointing to the ducks+ He 3u#*ed on the &all and raced o,er the grey stones( cutting off the leaders+ The &ould?be truant gang slid back into the &ater+ Taking u* a central *osition o**osite Sa#( I &histled to get his attention( and &a,ed #y ele,ated hand right and left+ Sa# had not forgotten his lessons( and &alked back and forth along the &all( ears back( nose *ointed do&n&ards at the ducks+ They &atched hi# for so#e ti#e( and then took off in different directions+ Sa# continued his stalking gait( a *ink tongue hanging out the side of his #outh+ 2ela)( I said to #yself as the &ater ri**led in the #orning breeCe and la**ed against the shore+ Their anarchy is at an end> I can:t &ait to see Dad:s face &hen I bring ho#e a basket of duck eggs+ I ga,e the# the hour( but not one second #ore+ 8Ti#e u*(9 I yelled triu#*hantly across the &ater+ Pointing to the ducks in the reeds( a &histle sent Sa# cantering to the far end of the &all+ He ho**ed do&n behind the#+ The startled ducklings e#erged fro# their co,er( and Sa# follo&ed the# into the &ater+ He &orked the ducks as he &ould shee* or cattle( s&i##ing to and fro to kee* the# #o,ing for&ard( ni**ing at the heels of the #ost rebellious+ I &alked along the edge in unison( shooing on those that had re#ained by the #uddy shoreline+ % fe& ducks tried to outflank Sa#( others thought of sli**ing o,er the &all( but he headed the# off in ti#e+ Soon( Sa# had those unruly ,agabonds huddled together as he stood behind the# like he &ould gather shee* on the #ountain+ % short &histle and he had the# shuffling u* the hill+

1A

8$ood boy( Sa#(9 I said( rubbing his ears+ 8%unt "ary is going to be so ha**y &hen I tell her ho& you out&itted these ducks+9 Then I realiCed #y #istake+ The tra#*s had *icked u* s*eed and &ere racing into the far#yard+ I had forgotten to send Sa# ahead+ The ecstatic truants scattered out( charging to&ard the co&?shed and barn( darting into the *ig *ens( ducking under thorny bushes+ I &as done for+ 8To#orro& is another day(9 %unt "ary consoled #e &hen I told her &hat had ha**ened+ 8The i#*ortant thing is this+ e no& kno& that you can #anage those ducks+9

8Eou're right+ I hadn:t thought of that>9 S#iling( I *ulled a ball out of #y *ocket+ Sa# raised his ha**y?dog face( 3u#*ing to and fro in antici*ation of the chase across the kitchen+ %unt "ary &as *ro,ed correct+ Sa# and I got our routine do&n *at in a cou*le of days+ The ducks &ere gi,en their freedo# and then( back to the duck?house for scientific grub> % &eek later I checked for eggs in the fresh stra& I had stre&n all o,er the stone floor+ @ut days of &aiting turned into &eeks( and #y ,acation ca#e to an end &ithout an egg to sho& for all our &ork+ 8%unt "ary( I:# not going to gi,e u* yet(9 I said+ 8School does not reo*en for a &eek+ I:ll call ho#e+ "o# &on:t #ind if I stay+ Please>9 "o# laughed so #uch &hen I re?counted #y e)*loits+ 8Eou:re ne,er short of a fancy idea( Patrick(9 she said+ 8$o ahead( stick &ith it+9 Three days later( I found fi,e big blue duck eggs in the hay> -aturally( it &as Dad &ho dro,e do&n to *ick #e u*>

1D

WHERE OH WHERE IS MY HURLEY STICK?

They all &ent sho**ing after lunch+ "y birthday's to#orro&+ This is their last chance to buy #e a hurley stick+ I told the# t&enty ti#es that #ine &as broke+ That rat( /ohnny Dee is out *racticing e,ery day for the cha#*ionshi*+ Hey+ There:s the car+ -oooo+ It can't be+ They:re e#*ty handed+ hat:s that s#irk doing on big bro:s face; They:,e hidden it+ @ut &here; 8Hi Patrick(9 "o# says( entering the kitchen behind the rest+ 8Did ye buy anything;9 I ask ho*efully+ 8I got a co#b(9 Sis offers+ 8%nd;9 8That:s all9( she re*lies( dashing off to her roo#+ They:re gone fro# the kitchen+ I grab the keys and dash to the car+ In the back seat; In the front seat; .nder the seats; The trunk;

15

-othing+ I *ut the keys back on the hook+ I hear "ike:s guffa& in the li,ing roo#+ hat:s Dad saying;

Think+ "aybe they left it outside the house+ I'd ne,er find it there+ 6et the# see #e go do&nto&n+ $i,e the# a chance to hide the stick indoors+ I &alk noisily through the hall and bang the front door behind #e+ $oing u* the hill( I hear the clash of ash sticks in the school yard+ /ohnny Dee *racticing &ith his big brother+ <ork lightening ri*s through the black clouds in the distance+ There &ere si) hurley sticks on dis*lay in 2yan:s S*orts Sho* yesterday+ -ooooo+ !ne( t&o( three( four( fi,e( si)> I run ho#e in the rain+ There all at the dinner table+ 8Ha,e to go to the bathroo#(9 I shout( and close the door( but I a# not inside the bathroo#+ I ti*toe to Sis:s roo# and lift the #attress+ Dig through her *ile of cuddlys on the bed+ Take a look underneath+ Peek into her closet+ -othing+ 8Dinner is getting cold(9 Dad calls out+ Is "ike laughing again; I slide into the bathroo#( and *ull the chain+ I eat e,erything on the table( e,en the horrible cabbage+ I &ash the dishes+ Did "o# gi,e a little snicker; I sli* u* the back stairs+ Darn it+ Sis is reading on her bed( the door o*en+ I can:t get

1H

*ast her to the other roo#s+ I cree* do&n the front stairs+ Dad:s &atching T1 in the li,ing roo#+ "o# and "ike are batting a table tennis ball in the base#ent+ @ehind the *iano in the dining roo#; @ehind the kitchen sto,e; @ehind the skirting board at the base of the cabinets+ Iero+ I scout behind the bottles on the counterto*+ Iilch+ There goes Sis do&n the front stairs+ -o&+ .* the back stairs+ The #aster bedroo#+ -othing+ I slide into bro:s den+ I o*en his big gy# bag+ Phe&+ I *ush a hand do&n dee* through s&eaty yuckies+ I lift dirty clothes off the floor+ -ada+ I dig under a *ile of thingies in the closet+ Eikes( it s#ells in here+ "aybe they ne,er bought #y hurley; -o+ It has to be in the base#ent+ I hear a shar* *o* as "o# belts the ball o,er the net+ 8 hoo*ee(9 she yells+ 8T&enty one+9 Here they co#e u* the rickety stairs+ I glide *ast the# as they &alk into the kitchen+ I *ull back the large ugly can,as *ainting Dad brought ho#e fro# so#e&here+ I look behind the refrigerator( behind the &ashing #achine( behind the dryer+ @ehind Dad:s &ork bench+ -othing+ 5Ti#e for bed( Patrick+9 8!F "o#(9 I s*utter through #y teeth+ as that a laugh; Sis giggling;

1'

It's here( so#e*lace+ ithout a &ord( I &alk by "o# to race u* to #y bedroo# on the third floor+ They:d ne,er hide it here; .nder the #attress; .nder the bed; I *robe the dee* recesses of the tall oak storage cu*board Dad bought at an auction+ 6ightening streaks by #y &indo&+ Thunder boo#s+ 6ights flicker a fe& ti#es and then( darkness+ I thro& #yself on the bed+ I hate the# all+ =s*ecially "o#+ She kno&s ho& #uch I &ant that stick+ I fall aslee*+ I &ake u*( and there she is> "o#'s screa#ing( standing on a chair( a candle in one hand( sla**ing at her head &ith the other+ Hair siCCling( crackling+ !n fire+ /u#*ing u*( I *ull a blanket off the bed to thro& it o,er her head+ The candle clatters across the &ooden floor+ 8 ere you burned "o#;9 I ask( *icking u* the candle+ She *okes her head out fro# under the blanket+ 8/ust singed+5 % shee*ish grin s*reads o,er her candlelit face+ 8 hat on earth &ere you doing standing on that chair "o#;5 8I &as getting your *resents on to* of the cu*board( and #ust ha,e leaned too close to the fla#e+9 8Eou #ight ha,e died+ The house could ha,e caught fire+5 8Eour sister told us you &ere going crackers( that you didn:t trust us to get a stick for the

10

cha#*ionshi* final+ "ike said &e had to teach our doubting Tho#as a lesson+ I bought your hurley o,er a &eek ago( and Dad said to *ut it u* here+5 8 hat a lark you guy:s had+ I:,e been such a fool( and you could ha,e been hurt+5 8It &as #ean of us(9 she a*ologiCes+ e hug+ "y eyes sting+ Ho& could I ha,e said that I hate her+ 8%re there bald s*ots( like Dad;9 she asks( touching her hair+ 8The fire brigade got here 3ust in ti#e+9 I ste* onto the chair to reach o,er the to* of the &ardrobe and stick #y hand dee* into the hollo&+ "y fingers close around the long s#ooth ash stick+

WILDBEAM GOES TO AMERICA

8Did you e,er hear of a CluricJun in %#erica;9 "r+ Harris asked his guest( &ho had co#e all the &ay fro# -e& /ersey to Cork city+ 8These are a s*ecial kind of fairy+ They hide in the #anor houses of the rich+ "ake #erry all night long+ orse+ They are de,ilish tricksters+9

"r+ /ohnson( a &ine #erchant( laughed+ 8Eou:re 3ust trying to s*ook #e into gi,ing you a better deal+9 8-o( no+9 "r+ Harris *rotested+ 8"y CluricJun( ildbea# is the na#e li,es in the

cellar+ He's su**osed to *rotect #y &ine stock fro# thie,es+9 8Eou *ay this rascal;9 "r+ /ohnson in7uired+ 8He eats and drinks #ore than he:s &orth(5 "r+ Harris scoffed+ 5@ut I can:t get hi# out of the house &ithout bringing the CluricJun:s curse on #y head+9

19

8"aster( are you all finished dinner;9 The cook asked( interru*ting their con,ersation+ 8Ees "olly(9 "r+ Harris re*lied+ 8@ring us brandy( and &hen you:re in the cellar be sure to feed ildbea#+9 That gluttonous ildbea# &on:t be ha**y &ith these bits of herring and cold *otato(

"olly #u#bled to herself as she descended the stone ste*s+ The CluricJun fairy &as slouched ato* a &ine casket( legs hanging by the sides+ 8%slee* is it+ Eou drunkard(9 "olly s*at+ She took a si* fro# his &hiskey 3ar and *ut the *late on the ground+ 8Don:t &ant to be around &hen he sees that dinner(9 she #uttered( grabbing three bottles of brandy and #aking her esca*e+ ildbea# &oke u* at #idnight+ 8 hat:s this;9 he roared looking at the *late+ He raced to "olly:s roo#( dragged her fro# the bed by the heels( and *ulled her do&n the stairs+ the stone ste*s( ildbea# &ould shout out ?? G"olly /ones ?? "olly /ones ?? Potato skins and herring bones> I:ll knock your head against the stones> "olly /ones ?? "olly /ones: ?? "r+ Harris and his guest staggered into the hall&ay( ga*ing at the s*ectacle+ 8That does it( ildbea#(9 "r+ Harris said through his teeth+ 8I:# told on good authority( ith each knock of her head against

that if I #o,e to another house( *utting running &ater bet&een #yself and a CluricJun( I can be rid of you+ ell hear this( I:ll *ut the &hole %tlantic !cean bet&een us>9

hen "olly reco,ered( they boarded a shi* and sailed a&ay to %#ericay+ -either noticed the sto&a&ay> ildbea# had *ulled the cork fro# a &hiskey 3ar and eased his si)?inch fra#e do&n( feet

40

first+ He sli**ed a&ay Gtil his feet touched the botto#+ He &as u* to the neck in Irish &hiskey> I:ll be the first CluricJun to set foot on %#erican soil( ildbea# said to hi#self+

They arri,ed at "r+ /ohnson:s ho#e at sundo&n( 3ust in ti#e for Hallo&een> 8This is #y son( Paul(9 "r+ /ohnson greeted his friend 8He:s ten( and a bit of a scally&ag like your ildbea#+9

8Don:t #ention that na#e(9 "r+ Harris groaned+ 8It:s been great &ithout hi# around+9 ildbea# *ee*ed out of his e#*ty 3ar> Paul( dressed u* as a ,a#*ire+ Soon Paul:s friends arri,ed+ ildbea# follo&ed along as they #ade their &ay do&n the ell look at that( he said to hi#self &hen he sa&

dark street+ This is #y kind of ga#e( he thought gleefully+ 8Trick or treat(9 they yelled at e,ery door+ He &as a#aCed &hen they didn:t *lay a trick on the skinflints &ho ga,e the# nothing+ They:re #issing the fun *art( he #uttered to hi#self angrily+ They're all treat and no trick+ They had co#e to a dark house+ 8There:s no one here(9 Paul said( #o,ing on+ @ut ildbea# could see a &o#an *eering out fro# one side of the curtain+ I:ll teach her

not to turn off the lights( he thought+ The back door &as o*en( and there &as a bottle of brandy on the kitchen table+ He sneaked into the front roo#+ There she &as( si**ing a&ay in the dark+ ildbea# took t&ine fro# his red *urse and tied one end around a ,ase full of flo&ers( the other to the leg of a chair+ She's sure to tri* o,er this( he thought( a &ide &icked grin s*read across his face+ He ran back through the kitchen( snatching the brandy bottle on his &ay out+

41

Soon he heard the &o#an screa#( then a loud crash( and ski**ed off do&n the dri,e&ay+ ildbea# caught u* to the kids as they &ere knocking on a big oak door+ 8Hello "r+ "ur*hy(9 Paul said+ 8"r+ Harris arri,ed today+9 8$reat(9 "r+ "ur*hy re*lied+ 8I need his ad,ice right a&ay+9 8 hat:s u*;9 Paul in7uired+ 86ast tri* to Ireland( I brought back a CluricJun lass that had no&here to go &hen 6ord Dunsinay:s #ansion burned do&n+9 8Can I see her;9 Paul asked+ 8-ot this one> hat a #istake I #ade+ She:s either &ailing like a banshee in #y cellar

or breaking e,erything in the house+ 6onely( she says+9 8I:ll sol,e your *roble#(9 ildbea# *i*ed u* cheerfully( ste**ing out in front of Paul+

8Cool(9 a boy &his*ered &hen he sa& the fairy trot u* to the *orch+ 8%nd &ho are you;9 "r+ "ur*hy asked+ 8 ildbea#:s the na#e( Sir+ %t your ser,ice+9 The fairy doffed his hat and bo&ed al#ost to the ground+ 8%llo& #e to s*eak to the young lady+9 "r+ "ur*hy ste**ed aside+ 8Princess( I:# delighted to #ake your ac7uaintance(9 lying on her bed+ The blotched face lit u* at the sight of her o&n kind+ She ran to e#brace and kiss ildbea#+ 86et:s celebrate(9 she shouted+ 8Hold your horses(9 "r+ "ur*hy yelled at the door+ 8Eou can celebrate &hen you:re gone fro# this house>9 8%ccording to CluricJun la&(9 ildbea# said softly( 8I:# obliged to #arry this young ildbea# greeted the fairy girl

44

lady no& that she has seen #e+ %nd you Sir( ha,e no choice but to take #e in or suffer the curse of a CluricJun+9 8!h no(9 "r+ "ur*hy #oaned+ Ho&e,er being a keen business#an &ho could think on his feet he soon thought of a &ay to best the #ischie,ous fairy+ 86isten here( young #an+ If I ha,e to take you in( you t&o in turn &ill ha,e to li,e by %#erican rules+9 8%nd &hat do you #ean by that( Sir;9 ildbea# asked belligerently+

8Eou can:t slee* all day and drink #y &hiskey all night in this country+ Eou:ll &ork for your kee* and buy your o&n booCe like the rest of us+9 8Then &e:ll not stay in this house(9 ildbea# res*onded( taking the girl by the hand+ ork is absolutely out of the 7uestion+9

8 e #ay be in %#erica( but &e:re CluricJuns+ The cou*le #arched out the door+

8Don:t &orry girl( &e:ll ne,er be short of a dollar &hile I ha,e #y red *urse+9

ildbea#

said( taking it out of his *ocket+ Digging in &ith t&o fingers he *ulled out a large coin+ 8See this sil,er *iece+ % CluricJun can s*end it( and right a&ay there &ill be another to re*lace it in his *urse+ So &e can in,est the sa#e coin o,er and o,er again in this land of o**ortunity( and &e:ll be rich in no ti#e+9 8Eou kno& ildbea#(9 she nudged hi# &ith her elbo&+ 8I too ha,e a little red *urse+ In

%#erica &o#en are e7ual to the #en+9 8Then by god( &e:ll be doubly rich(9 he re*lied( gi,ing her &aist a s7ueeCe+