The Prayers that Changed Husbands

When Tami Chelew got serious about talking to God about her mate, she couldn't believe what happened.

By Karen O'Connor

!ord, please change "an, Tami Chelew prayed#not once but many times during her $%&year marriage. Tami admits she was a'raid her husband was slipping away 'rom God. His li'e was 'illed with stress as he worked 'ulltime, attended graduate school, and carried the 'ull 'inancial burden 'or their 'amily.
Tami begged, argued, ca(oled, cried, and 'lat out told "an he should spend more time praying and studying his )ible#especially during that stress'ul season. *he even strategically placed a )ible at the 'oot o' their bed as a hint. + tried everything + could think o' to get him to change, says Tami. + played mother, counselor, spiritual advisor#even Holy *pirit, she adds, smiling and embarrassed as she recalls her controlling behavior. Then one day a'ter another episode in which she watched her husband choose again not to seek God's wisdom and help in a stress'ul situation, Tami became desperate#and 'ed up. *he stretched out on her living room 'loor, 'ace down, and prayed like she'd never prayed be'ore. God, she cried. "an is yours. Please take charge o' his li'e#because + can't do it any more. *omething wonder'ul happened in that moment. + 'elt the burden o' my husband's relationship with God release 'rom my grip. + knew God would answer my re,uest, Tami says. This was the turning point in her marriage that she'd wanted 'or so long. -s Tami lay on the 'loor, she 'elt God present her with an idea 'or how to handle her husband. +nstead o' pestering him about getting spiritually in sync with God, she could pray 'or him# really pray 'or him#and get together with other wives 'or a consistent and regular prayer time. Tami wasn't sure how to make that happen, so she le't it up to God#since it was his idea. .kay, !ord, she said, i' you bring the women, +'ll do it. The ne/t day Tami received a call 'rom her 'riend Cindy. 0ust be'ore they ended their conversation, Cindy asked Tami i' she'd like to get together to pray 'or their husbands. + nearly dropped the phone, says Tami. +'d never seen God work so 'ast1 That was the con'irmation she needed to move 'orward. We looked at our calendars, says Tami, and chose 2riday mornings as our time to pray together 'or our husbands. Wives +n Prayer was born that 'irst meeting. Tami and Cindy made a commitment to get together each week. *oon their 'riend Caryn (oined them and then other women were calling, eager to be part o' this uni,ue group o' praying wives. That was $$ years ago#and Tami is still hosting Wives in Prayer meetings in her home. +'ve seen God take my prayers and those o' like&minded women and answer them beyond anything we could have hoped 'or or imagined, she says, still ama3ed at how much has occurred by simply praying. 4o longer does Tami put the )ible at the 'oot o' their bed as a reminder. "an's 'aith is 'lourishing. 5ach morning be'ore leaving 'or work, "an reads his )ible 'or direction, wisdom, and strength 'or his day. -nd Tami watches in awe 'rom the sidelines1 Connecting to God -s Tami and her group o' women continued to meet, word began to spread throughout the region, and even country, about their Wives in Prayer group. *o what e/actly do these wives do6

"I've seen God take our prayers and answer them beyond anything we could have hoped for or imagined."

5ach meeting lasts one hour, and includes 'our elements7 $. Worship. The women open with three praise songs to help them 'ocus on Christ and a speci'ic attribute o' his character, such as Counselor. %. Con'ession. They ask God to 'orgive them 'or any sin that would hinder them 'rom having their prayers answered. The women reali3e God needs to work in their lives be'ore he can be 'ree to work in their husbands' lives. 8. Thanksgiving. They thank God 'or answered prayer and 'or what he continues to do in their husbands' lives. 9. +ntercession. They pray *cripture 'or their husbands with a particular 'ocus, such as growing strong in their 'aith. +n 0ohn $:7;, 0esus tells us that i' we remain in him and his words remain in us, we will receive what we ask 'or, says Tami. Praying *cripture aligns our prayers with what God desires 'or our husbands and 'or our marriages. We insert our husband's name in the verse and pray it back to God. This makes our prayers more personal and power'ul. 2or e/ample, using 0eremiah %<7$$ as the basis 'or a prayer, Tami might say7 God, + pray that you would bless "an and prosper him. + thank you that the plans you have 'or my husband are 'or good, not 'or evil, to give him hope and a 'uture. 2inally, the women pray in their own words 'or a speci'ic need 'or their husbands. These re,uests stay within the group. They might include prayers 'or sa'ety while traveling, guidance and help in meeting a deadline at work, or strength and wisdom 'or decisions regarding aging parents. Why not (ust pray on your own6 This group is really about e/periencing the power o' agreement prayer, which 0esus talks about in =atthew $>7%? when he says, 'Where two or three come together in my name, there am + with them,' says Tami. - woman isn't praying 'or her husband on her own, but in a group with other like&minded wives.

Amazing answers

+t's e/citing to see how marriages have been changed when wives pray, Tami says. .ne woman's husband had been diagnosed with cancer. -s a result it appeared they'd not be able to have children. We prayed the *cripture prayers 'or him, speci'ically that God would heal his body and bless him and his wi'e with the ability to conceive. -t the end o' the year, his cancer was in remission and she was pregnant. Tami shares about another praying wi'e whose husband was belligerent, emotionally unstable, and verbally and mentally abusive to her and their children. Their children asked their mother to leave because li'e in their home was so miserable, says Tami. *he wanted to leave, but 'elt God asking her to stay. !ast 'all she began a prayer group in her o''ice. *ince these women have been praying together, she's seen real change in her husband#his emotions are more stable, he's nicer to be around, and is now open to Christian counseling. *he even admitted she's 'alling in love with him all over again. They recently celebrated their twentieth anniversary. @et Tami is ,uick to point out that even i' the husband remained a (erk, the prayer group still works. -ll stories won't necessarily have these happily&ever&a'ter endings. )ut God still does ama3ing things in the lives o' these women. God always answers our prayers, (ust maybe not the way we imagine or e/pect. Tami's been delighted to see how God has answered her prayers 'or her husband. )ut she's been surprised to discover her prayers have also yielded some une/pected rewards7 "an has also become an intercessor. He's much more interested in prayer, says Tami. We pray together be'ore our day begins. He prays with our daughters be'ore they go to school. We pray be'ore we go to church. We pray at night be'ore we go to bed, thanking God 'or the day. God has blessed our 'amily 'inancially, spiritually, and relationally in more ways than + can count.

+ know God desires to answer our prayers1 Altimately, prayer is your best protection. Going through marriage without prayer is like walking a high wire without a sa'ety net. -lways remember that prayer succeeds when all else 'ails.

Husbands Who Pray

+ always wanted to have deep, lasting 'riendships with men, says HaroldB, regarding the men's prayer group he 'ormed three years ago in !aguna )each, Cali'ornia. Through business and church he met three other men who e/pressed the same desire. The 'our o' them decided to meet once a week with two goals in mind7 praying 'or their wives and 'amilies, and praying 'or God's grace and guidance in their business a''airs. Today, the group is so important to each man, no one misses a meeting e/cept 'or an emergency. They'll even rearrange their business appointments, i' necessary. We meet every 2riday at a local co''ee shop 'or an hour and a hal', says Harold, spending the 'irst 8? to 9? minutes eating, sharing concerns, and writing down each other's re,uests in our prayer (ournals. -'ter break'ast we pray 'or one another. 0ames :7$C has become their guiding verse7 Con'ess your sins to each other and pray 'or each other so that you may be healed. +n addition to the weekly meeting, they get together once a month 'or 'our hours o' listening prayer. -t that time the men take turns sharing a prayer re,uest. The others (ot down the need. Then all are silent, as they listen 'or the promptings o' the Holy *pirit 'or each individual. They write in their (ournals whatever comes to them. +t might be a word o' encouragement, a *cripture verse, or an image, but no advice1 Then they pray aloud 'or each man.

From sharing to confessing

Harold says it's been power'ul to see the changes the Holy *pirit has brought about. The 'irst year we stuck to sa'e topics, he says. @ou know how guys are. +t's di''icult 'or us to open up. )ut in the several years that have 'ollowed, no topic is out o' bounds. The men con'ess to one another sins o' lust, (udgment, pride, 'ear, anger. We talk 'reely about our marriages, says Harold. We're committed to praying 'or our wives and supporting their growth. They do so in a practical way, as well. 5very si/ weeks the couples meet together 'or dinner. This is a wonder'ul opportunity 'or each man to become ac,uainted with the other men's wives#the ones they've been praying 'or. Paul's wi'e, Patsy, has struggled with a negative attitude that's a''ected their marriage 'or 9% years. -s he became vulnerable to the other men about this problem, Paul reali3ed he needed to look at himsel', as well. + began to ask mysel', How am + contributing to the atmosphere and what can + do to change6 he says. God prompted him through prayer and the other men's insight to be more attentive to Patsy instead o' keeping his distance. When she's making dinner, 'or e/ample, + usually sit in the other room and wait till she calls me to the table. Then + reali3ed she might appreciate some help since she works all day, too. + could also hang out in the kitchen with her and talk, you know, share something o' my day. -'ter si/ months o' concerted prayer and changes in his behavior toward Patsy, Paul recently reported to the men that she'd written him a note saying she wanted them to be more (oy'ul and play'ul with each other. Paul was ecstatic. +t's brought new li'e to their marriage.

Everything changes

!eonard's wi'e has had muscular dystrophy 'or $> years o' their %:&year marriage. !ouann 'unctions pretty well, but to do so re,uires diligent daily e/ercise and physical therapy. !eonard asked prayer 'or a shi't in her 'ocus#away 'rom others to hersel' so there's enough time in her day to stick to the routine that will increase her strength and energy. +t's easy 'or her to become discouraged about her illness, says !eonard. )ut +'m part o' the problem, too. + need to be

more sensitive to her needs, and anticipate how + can be help'ul. =y work schedule has changed, and that's been di''icult 'or her, too. !eonard says that within weeks o' 'ocused prayer he saw a pro'ound change in !ouann's outlook. *he enrolled in a therapy program 'or people with her condition, and she's making time 'or morning walks with 'riends. When she le't on a trip recently, she hugged him good&bye and spoke words o' encouragement about his new (ob. *am's wi'e is introverted. *he doesn't make 'riends easily and has 'ew interests outside their home. This has been a burden 'or *am. He 'eels that he's her only outlet. The 'irst time the couples met 'or dinner, 'or e/ample, she remained ,uiet and disengaged. The men continued to pray 'or her weekly. *i/ weeks later when they met again she smiled and talked throughout the evening1 Harold's prayer 'or his wi'e is that she 'ind more (oy in li'e. *he is a responsible, organi3ed person, he says, to an e/treme. Then he adds play'ully, =y daughter and + have a silent pact to get Dita to laugh at least once a day. +' she smiles or laughs more o'ten, it's a bonus. God has answered the men's prayers 'or Harold's wi'e, too. He recently received a card in the mail 'rom Dita with a picture o' a little girl laughing. The accompanying note said7 @ou're the only one who can make me laugh. + treasure that card, he says, choking up at this meaning'ul gesture. The most important relationship in the li'e o' each o' these men#a'ter 0esus Christ#is his wi'e. He knows he can e/pect miracles i' he'll con'ess his sins to his 'riends and pray 'or one another. Then not only will he be healed, but so will his wi'e#and each wi'e 'or whom he prays. B names have been changed Earen .'Connor, author o' -ddicted to *hopping FHarvest House PublishersG, lives with her husband in Cali'ornia. @ou can reach Earen at www.karenoconnor.com. -dapted 'rom %? *urprisingly *imple Dules and Tools 'or a Great =arriage. H %??8 by *teve *tephens. Ased by permission o' Tyndale House Publishers.

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hings to Pray for 1.!ourse"f# Pray that you'll be the best spouse you can be. -sk 'orgiveness 'or those times
you've been sel'ish or insensitive. 2ocus on loving your partner more, always treating him with courtesy and compassion. Pray that you'll change your negative or neglect'ul attitude. -s we improve our words and behavior, we pave the way 'or our spouse to make similar changes. 2.!our marriage# Pray that the two o' you will 'ind a oneness that will bring you closer. Too o'ten couples dri't apart and lose that special sense o' love and (oy that was present at the beginning. Pray that you both will make your marriage a priority, committing time to understanding each other and placing your spouse's needs above your own. 3.$afety# *eptember $$, %??$, will not soon be 'orgotten, nor will the !ondon bombings 'rom this past 0uly. How many husbands and wives kissed each other good&bye 'or the last time those mornings6 4o one knows 'or sure what danger lies around the ne/t corner. Pray 'or your spouse's sa'ety and protection in a world that's more dangerous than any o' us wish to admit. 4.Hea"th# =any o' us try to eat healthy, e/ercise regularly, take vitamins daily, and visit a physician when needed. These are good things, but prayer has more potential power than all 'our combined. Pray 'or your partner's health and strength. Pray that her body will be able to 'ight minor illnesses and ma(or diseases and that her li'e will be long and 'ree 'rom sickness. 5.$tress# !i'e is 'ull o' pressure and e/pectations. We race 'rom one point to another, trying to pack more into a day than is reasonable. This stress 're,uently steals our peace and

en(oyment. +t makes us irritable and impatient. +t opens doors to worry, depression, burnout, and all sorts o' physical symptoms. Pray that your spouse will not be overwhelmed by the stress o' li'e. Pray that he will rela/ and 'ind contentment in all he does. 6. em%tations# We're all tempted to do things that aren't good 'or us or our marriage. *ome people 'ace such strong temptations that they have what are called addictive personalities. .thers have less potent but e,ually dangerous temptations. Given the right situation, any o' us could succumb. Enow your partner's weaknesses and struggles#whether it's alcohol, 'ood, pornography, overspending, drugs, gambling, or anything else. Then pray 'or your mate's strength to 'ight against these things. 7.Wor&# *ome partners struggle with la3iness and others struggle with workaholism. 4either e/treme is healthy. Pray that your spouse will 'ind a balance in his work. Pray that it will bring him a sense o' 'ul'illment. .ur (obs, whether they're inside or outside the home, impact how we 'eel about ourselves and our marriages. Pray that your spouse's (ob will be a positive part o' his li'e, 'illing him with a sense o' meaning, purpose, and personal satis'action. 8.Fears# We all have 'ears. These 'ears can be overwhelming, and maybe even irrational. Enow your partner's 'ears. "o they have to do with sa'ety, 'inances, 'ailure, or death6 Pray that these 'ears won't paraly3e your spouse, but that she can work through them and overcome them. -lso, pray that you can be patient and understanding, doing all you can to help and bring com'ort. 4ever ridicule or belittle your spouse 'or her 'ears. )e a source o' reassurance and support. 9.'reams# 5very couple and all individuals need to have dreams. Without dreams, people grow discouraged, and li'e becomes empty and meaningless. "reams add 'ocus, e/citement, (oy, and hope. )ut dreams can easily be killed or de'lated. *hare your dreams with each other and pray that your partner's dreams will come true. 5ncourage him and cheer him on. +' he doesn't have a dream, help him to develop one. +' he's given up on a dream, see i' it can be resurrected. +' you know his dreams, pray like cra3y that they'll be 'ul'illed. 10.Faith# -s you pray 'or your partner's 'aith, you are, in 'act, praying 'or all o' the previous nine areas. 2aith impacts every aspect o' a person's li'e. +' your partner struggles with her 'aith, don't preach or pressure. +nstead, pray and live an e/ample o' a godly li'e. -l'red !ord Tennyson once said, =ore things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams o'. Prayer can change the one who prays, one's marriage, and one's partner. "on't let a day pass without serious prayer. What can happen will surprise you. "on't be limited to praying only 'or these $? areas. Here are $? more to get you started7

His past His sexuality Her self! image His attitude

Her words Her friends ips His "ontentment Her priorities

Her parenting His example