Thursday 1/10/98.

I was right, H was just working up to a ………… (24/1/05 Never

you mind what I was working up to – its not for publication. helh&z) Yesterday evening I
drank beer by the beach just as you would in the tropics for the temperature never dropped below
30ºC, I would guess. ……. (24/10/05. More of what’s not your business. helh&z) we set off
across the beach for a wash in Spencer Gulf. Only problem was it was low tide and we ne-ver
reached the water so after 10 mins walking straight out to sea we turned back. When we reached the
shore we couldn’t find the car. We did finally and since it was H’s birthday we cracked the bottle of
dolceta sitting on the box out back of the car as the temperature was still 30ºC or so. We were both
starkers and I took a photo of the occasion. When we woke up later this morning I felt ratshit – like a
roué. The birthday was completed with the card I gave her. Then on a stinken hot day and in a howl-
ing gale we made our way half way along the Port Germein pier for a dip in the ocean by way of a
wash. So that was H’s 56th birthday celebration. I have written this entry in the Danyo Reserve where
we are at the very fireplace we made a few years ago, just past Murrayville.

Sunday 23/5/99 Heading home. Rewrote one of the ‘meditations’ in Morgan. Spent the
night in Danyo reserve.

Saturday 18/9/99 In Danyo Reserve for the night. H has a fire going. Hamburger in Ch-
arlton. I think both of us would have spent a good bit of our thinking time wondering (27/1/05. still r)
about Dan’s debut in the model game and his prospects for the future (27/1/05. hez in NZ doin a kupl
of showz. So poor he smokes rollies but hez wearin a $US700 jakt sent → him ← New York). Just as
we were leaving Melbourne in the morning, still in Locksley rd, we made the ultimate bird find – a rai-
nbow lorrikeet. Unfortunately it had been run over and was messy so we could only get some of the
brilliant feathers (27/1/05. in rtrspkt th hobby seems gruesm) from it. Its only the 2nd parrot we have
found, the other being the female Mulga parrot I got on the Lake Gairdner trip.

Friday 12/5/00 (25/1/05. I ddnt put in jrnl ntriez on frdy 12th – thrzdy 19th but th poem
‘The Room’ (2gthr wth 3 uthr poems : ‘The House’, ‘The City’, & ‘Masks’, woz put out ndr th konfuzin
titl ‘14/8/41’ (l8r I put out a set of trip notes wth th same titl.)) woz kmpletd @ th rzerv on my way 2
meet sVaAuRlNiAuSs. Here it iz :

The Room

at the root of every secret is violence

the trunk is supported by fear
the branches are lies
the leaves are tears
*
brave men dont have secrets
*
the most dangerous secret is the one everyone knows
because by not disclosing it everyone becomes complicit
*
the silence of conspirators
a hidden depth in the glance
a veiled thought
a wary step
a shrillness in the voice
*
in time a secret shared by all becomes
- a code, a belief, a legacy, a culture

1
 *
what in the beginning was worn as a cloak, after it is embroidered,
becomes a frock coat or a dinner jacket
*
if everyone in a room shares a secret together they are conspirators
*
everyone in a room can have the same secret wthout knowing that his neighbour also has it
*
they may be too frightened to ask
they may be too ashamed to ask
*
you get better at keeping secrets with practice – from yourself too
*
secrets are known differently
*
if everyone except one has the secret they all must keep silent in case one finds out and
informs on them even if they only imagine him for they may not know if he really exists, for if
he does they have no way of knowing that he does, nor does he have any way of knowing that
they have a secret
*
you can choke on a secret

a … z art @O )

Wednesday 24/5/00 Heading home; from one trusty camping spot (Port Germein, in
which area Ive found a whole new set of great spots to stop) to Danyo roadside reserve where I am
now with two stubbies of Southwark Old Stout (7.4% alc/vol). Ive been driving through a lot of locusts,
mor than ever before, and have to stop more frequently at petrol stations for a clean down. Am list-
ening to Saulius’s tapes at last and they are up to the usual extremely high standard that Im used to
from him. Have stopped listening to the drinking songs that Gyras gave me as Ive got them fully un-
der control. This trip has been heavily musical. Had a coffee and read the paper at Morgan where I
talked to two guys (standing at the bowser, cleaning off locusts) who had left Perth on Monday and
had been driving continuously. One was unlicensed and the driver was stary eyed and evidently liked
to drive barefooted. The water pump on the car wasn’t working so they were having troubles with
overheating as the locusts were clogging up the radiator. I wont have to attend to mine till I’m home.
They were using a clothesline for an aerial. They are heading to Ballarat and I reckon it wont be long
before they are there – maybe already are. Am listening to Lauren Newton right now and about to
start reading “Gargoyles” by Thomas Bernhard. Its 3.55 pm.

Monday 7/8/00. (25/1/05. from trip notes titled ‘14/8/41’) On the road …. tonight I’m parked
in the Danyo Reserve 5 ks east of Murrayville. This is very much one of my private spots when I’m travelling
north west into the inland. Last time I was here I was returning from Lake Gairdner (24/5/00) and before that I
was here on 12/5/00 on my way to meet Saulius in Burra. This is where I started a mail-art project on dog scoop
cards ½ of which I posted next morning in Murrayville. That project led to the 4 poems called ‘ The Room’,
‘The House’, ‘The City’, ‘Masks’. Left Melbourne about 9.30 after shopping up in Coles where a turkish look-
ing guy who was stacking the shelves talked me into buying a different kind of turkish bread to what I usually
get. I’ve just eaten a loaf and its much like the other. Bought a hamburger at Lou’s Cafe in Charlton for lunch.
The lady making it asked me where I was going this time. I asked her how it was with her and she shrugged her
shoulders in resignation. Her name is Maria. She makes a great hamburger for $3.80 (post GST and with the
lot). Later I pulled off the road into a bushland reserve south of Sea Lake (where Tyrrel Creek crosses it) for a ½
hour nap. The calm of the scrub was palpable, quite extraordinary really and I wondered if I shouldnt stop there
2
for the rest of the day. I suppose that scientists and druggies who only understand things that are measurable or
injectable may not believe me when I say that the scrub was exuding a calmness that you could feel. The trouble
with the scientific mind set is that as you believe more and more only in the things you can measure or weigh
you may be less and less inclined to notice the things that you cant. Then those things may disappear. On the
way here I found two barn owls killed today. I’m always finding dead barn owls since I first noticed one a coup-
le of years ago. They get hit because they get blinded by car headlights. Things that belong to the night cannot
always survive the glare of bright lights. The barn owls have come to symbolise for me the fragile things of the
heart, and of twilights, that cannot survive the scrutiny of reason. I’ve brought plenty of A3 sheets to write on.
One side of the sheet is blank and the other side has a photo or arrangement of photos of mine. The idea is that
if you fold a sheet in half you have an A4 size piece and then when you fold again its A5, and finally A6 which
makes a convenient size for an envelope if you staple the sides. That means you have one A4 piece and one A3
to write on; and one A6 if you write on the back of the envelope. I thought I would use different colour inks for
each section and maybe a different idea for each. I suppose you could say it was a mail-art project meant to im-
press Adriana Cozzolini should I do about 5 of them. But what can I write about when I hardly know anything
about her. I’ve also got Wittgenstein’s ‘On Certainty’; Joseph Roth’s ‘Radetzky March’; Thomas Bernhard’s
‘Old Masters’ (supposed to be a comedy which is hard to imagine with Bernhard); the King James bible which
I’m keeping on the front dashboard to deter thieves; and a book called ‘Saint Companions for Each Day’. This
last cost me 50c when I bought it 30 years ago at a difficult time in my life. It cant have been a popular read ev-
en then as I notice it was reduced from $1.05. I had thought I lost it but rediscovered it a couple of weeks ago
when clearing out some shelves. It was published in 1959 by St Paul Publications in Allahabad 2 – Bombay. It
is printed at St Paul’s Press Training School on paper of newsprint quality. The compilation, consisting of at
least one saint for each day and sometimes as many as three, is by A.J.M. Mausolff and M.K. Mausolff. There is
an authors declaration which says : “In conformity with the decrees of Pope Urban VIII and of the Roman
Pontiffs, the authors declare that any account of miracles, revelations or virtues, other than those already app-
roved by the Holy See, rest upon human authority alone; nothing contained in this book should be considered
as in any way anticipating the judgment of the Church, but everything is submitted to the infallible judgment of
the Holy See.” Todays saint is Saint Cajetan (Confessor 1480-1547) who we are told was already known even
as a youth as – “the Saint”. I have also brought my camera and a microphone and recorder (27/1/05. I think th
piece of muzik titld ‘IMPOSSIBLE SPACES’ woz th rzult but mayb itz from nuthr trip). I was keeping all
my options open when I packed but last night it became apparent to me that I had only one aim for this trip and
that is to make one more attempt to collect my thoughts on the murder of the jews of lithuania with a view to
putting the topic aside. I have already made major efforts to leave it behind before. Over easter a year and a half
ago I made a number of entries in this journal (29/1/05. c ‘12/4/03 – 24/4/03’ pp13, 14, 15) which were me-
ant to achieve that. Thats what I thought and wrote at the time. But the topic keeps re-emerging in some new
and more virulent form. The dead cry out to be remembered. I try to block my ears. Writing about it is part of
that effort. It seems appropriate to do it on this trip as thats what the entries for august 14th and august 19th are
about. I’ve cut out the relevant sections from my story ‘20/6/00’ to paste in on those days. When I was at Lake
Gairdner in may 99 and did the photographic album ‘Meditation on Lake Gairdner’ I again thought I had ended
with the subject. So now that I’m going back to another part of the lake it seems right to make another effort.
Finally, the discovery after I wrote the story ‘20/6/00’ that the given name of the leader of the most murderous
of the execution squads, Joachim, means in hebrew “Yahweh prepares” requires to be addressed. I made the
discovery from the ‘Saint Companion for Each Day’ and its as if I found the book for that reason.
Sunday 20/8/00. (25/1/05. from ‘14/8/41’) …………I’m back in the Danyo reserve. Doing
tight turns on a minor track through scrub I thought this is how a fox feels returning to his lair. I am happy with
what I have written over the two weeks. I dont think I’ve been imitating anyone and I dont think I’ve been giv-
ing expression to the expectations of others that I might have internalised (27/1/05. how knceitd iz th@!).
Borges claims that all honest writing is autobiographical and he was speaking of fiction (27/1/05. itz why I kall
‘IN TRANSIT’ “faction”) and writers like Dante. The idea is that we are specks in a whole and if we are true to
ourselves we say something of value. Georges Perec, who had wanted to be a writer since childhood, says that
in the final analyses writing for him is an exercise in being sincere. (I hope youre paying attention Jane). I’ve
been sincere. I say it as I drain my stubby of Coopers Stout which I bought in Pinaroo because I knew the pub at
3
Murrayville would almost certainly be shut as the publican visits his girlfriend on weekends and shes in Hor-
sham. He drives due south through the Big Desert on a track thats fine in dry weather. I wonder if Bas Salt has
started reading ‘Yawning Heights’ which he promised to read some of and give me an opinion as a penalty for
having recommended Victor Pelevins ‘Lives of Insects’ without having read it first himself. I bought that book
and read 60 pages of it. I’ve got an aboriginal arrowhead for Tony Figallo that I picked up at Lake Gairdner. I
think I’ve satisfied the demand that various people make that I write up trips of mine. I hope Adriana finds it an
adequate substitute for the Arte-Postale letters that I indicated I might send her but didnt. I hope this goes some
way to answering Walter Struve when he says I should write an autobiography. Both the trip, Walter, and the
account were my inventions. I could have done the same trip but written it up differently (which reminds me,
the pastry cook at Wirrabara says its the bacon and steak and the mushroom and steak pies that are her best sel-
lers and I havent even tried those) or did the trip differently, or even gone on a different one or not at all and
written the same account. History is like that. Its 3pm and I’m going to crack a stubby of Southwark Old Stout.
Its my third stubby and I feel a bit guilty. Then I’m going to relax for a couple of hours with Thomas Bernha-
rd’s ‘Old Masters’ of which I’ve read 40 pages so far and I can guarantee, Bas, that its a good read.
Monday 21/8/00. 8am. The ice over the car is a reminder that I’m back in victoria, hope I’ll be
able to start it. I always park it so that as the sun rises through a gap in the native pine (callitris) it shines direc-
tly onto where I sit on the bumper bar under the tailgate eating breakfast. I’ve seen all the sunrises on the trip.
Tonight I’m back in Melbourne. Yesterday in Burra I paid 105c per litre for petrol – a record. Tonight I’ll have
broken another one I’m quite proud of, I will have gone for an entire trip without a wash or a change of clothes.
I am wearing the same olive trousers, brown flanno shirt, black t-shirt with the map of australia on it, smelly
black underpants, brown leather shoes, and black and white striped socks I left in on monday two weeks ago.
The socks are so greasy that they stick to the soles of my feet and after they air out overnight before I put them
on their soles are stiff like paper. I scratch dandruff out of my eyebrows. Close inspection of my hands shows
that they are ingrained with various inland dusts ranging from red to greys and also black soot from the bowl I
heat water with over the metho burner. The dust is probably held in place by juice that dries on my hands from
the three oranges I eat each day. I dont wish to brag or exaggerate the importance of the achievement. To put it
in perspective I did brush my teeth twice, once before going into Mahanewo and before calling in at Oakden
Hill homestead and it is possible that last year, on a longer trip, I went without a wash or change of clothing
even longer but this is the first time I havent troubled the soap for an entire trip. I return now as I started in pris-
tine condition. On the way, whether I’m hungry or not , I’ll stop for a hamburger at Lou’s Cafe (how many ha-
mburgers have you made over the last two weeks, Maria?) in Charlton. I’m retracing my path, completing a
circle, it’s a ritual. Time to send the last of the saints, St Jane De Chantal (Widow 1572-1641), marching home.
When Jane, Baroness de Chantal, lost her husband in a hunting accident, she took the vow of chastity and im-
plored God to reveal His will and provide her with a spiritual guide. Three years later she recognized in St Fran-
cis de Sales the director who had been shown her in a vision. Six more years were devoted whole-heartedly to
the education of her four surviving children. Then the brother of St Francis de Sales married her eldest daughter,
and the Archbishop of Bourges (her own brother) provided for her 14-year-old son. With her two other daugh-
ters St Jane now founded the Visitation nuns at her director’s insistence, to give young women and widows an
opportunity to follow religious life even though their health precluded the ascetic practices then prevalent in ot-
her Orders. Reflection : “Hell is filled with people who were talented; but heaven holds those who were energ-
etic! (St Jane de Chantal)” (27/1/05. sh sounds like Ron Barassi)
Well thats it. So there!

Saturday 7/4/01. (25/1/05. from ‘7/4/01 – 18/4/01’) Said goodbye to Helen many times. She
wanted me to go as she knows I regain my balance on the road. Woke Dan up who is in Melbourne for a couple
of days for “look-sees” before returning to Sydney on monday. Tuesday & wednesday last week he was in Ho-
ng Kong doing a store catalogue. [deleted] Bought the Age at Eaglemont Village from Kate (c/o) who is mind-
ing children in one of her part time jobs & thinking of becoming a social worker. Bought turkish bread at Coles.
Hit the road. First stop was at Charlton at Lou’s Café where I read the paper. I ordered a mug of coffee & a ha-
mburger with the lot & Maria said where are you going this time – its our ritual. I’m writing in Danyo reserve
5k’s short of Murrayville. I’m probably heading for Lake Gairdner. Its 7.45pm. As I was entering the reserve
4
from the highway (Ouyen – Adelaide) I passed a large campervan with an elderly couple sitting out front. Thats
a first, Ive always had the reserve to myself previously. Ive lost count of how many times Ive been here; it feels
like home. The books Ive brought besides the bible, saint book & bird book are the ‘Penguin Dictionary of Phil-
osophy’, ‘Foreign Bodies’ by Alphonso Lingis, & ‘the vision machine’ by Paul Virilio. The last two are from
Danius (27/1/05. chanced x wth Jane & joind Frank, Andrea, & me 4 our AUSTRALIA day celbr8n
ystrdy x th lm tree on th krnr of Miller & Curzon sts. (28/1/05. so I fed 5 with 0 loavz & 2 fshz (2/2/05.
smokd trout))) who has a habit of lending me books in pristine condition which by the time Ive read them are
mangled with page corners bent & spines split but on which I am able to give him one sentence opinions. The
Virilio is a discovery. Ive already read his ‘pure war’ & ‘the aesthetics of disappearance’. I am inclined to agree
with him : we are changing ourselves into technology (esp speed) & our subjectivity is in the process of disapp-
earing as we transfer our sensory capabilities to machinery. I mention these titles because I play the role of
literary mentor to several people but especially Kym who is probably far too busy learning chinese (19/4/01. I
can understand why some chinese scholars say writing is older than language. Because their writing consists of
pictograms (unlike the representation of sounds as in the west) it amounts to saying that gesture, making marks,
signing - i.e. the body, precede vocalization) to be the slightest bit interested in any of the titles I list. I’m losing
interest in the saints & am only going to include ones on which the entries are very short or I’ll write abstracts
or maybe leave them out altogether. There are two of them for today. St. Hegesippus who died around 180 was a
native of Jerusalem. He became converted to Christianity & spent 20 years in Rome during the pontificates of
St. Anicetus & St. Soter. He is called the “Father of Church History” because he traced the succession of the po-
pes from St. Peter down to his own time & recorded apostolic teachings. His five books which contained certain
unwritten traditions of the jews were still in existence in eastern libraries in the 17th century but have been alm-
ost completely lost since then. The other saint today is Blessed Herman Joseph (c. 1150 – 1241) who started
having visions at the age of 7, entered a monastery at 12, & left a number of writings which caused him to be
highly esteemed as a mystic throughout germany. Its 8.15 & Collingwood are playing Fremantle at Colonial
Stadium : time to switch on the radio.
Sunday 8/4/01. 10.05 am. I lay in bed a long time feeling miserable & wondering if it was worth
getting up. The reason I decided to head for Lake Gairdner or the Gawler Ranges was because the overwhel-
ming landscapes there dont leave room for memory. When youre walking in remote country you have to pay
attention to time & compass otherwise you might not get back. But I wonder if it will be enough on this occ-
asion. Ive been through some of the struggle [deleted] is gripped by & I know there is no guarantee of success.
Yet to survive is to reach a shore denied to others. Most survivors agree. Whats more they agree that they have
had to do it by themselves; or with help only from god some say. [deleted] is determined to manage without
drugs. He is right if he succeeds. Todays saint is St. Julie Billiart (virgin 1751 – 1816) & I will put some detail
in about her because she is the founder of the order of nuns called the Sisters of Notre Dame. They have two
convents in Victoria : one in Sale (28/1/05. since then its bkum ko-ed & haz mlgm8d wth St Pats) & the
other in Box Hill (28/1/05. whr mMaIrLgBaUrReNt wife of SdPeInTnEiRsI uzed 2 teach rt) in Melbou-
rne. When my mum & me & my sister Rasa came to Sale in 1950 we were at first housed in the convent. (19/4-
/01. Father stayed back in Bathurst for a few months as he had work there). From the passage across the hall
from our room on the 2nd or 3rd floor I could look through a small window into the chapel where a newly arrived
young hungarian (27/1/05. Iv bn krrktd – he woz polsh) priest used to sing the masses. To have the masses
sung was a huge novelty to the nuns most of whom were quite old & I could tell that they were in love with
him. Later we lived across the road in an old leaky house that has since been pulled down to be replaced by the
garage that is there now. My mum taught german, latin, & french at the convent but she also had to take on sew-
ing because she was underpaid by the nuns. For quite a while we used to walk across the road to the convent
where we were served a main meal in a room next to the kitchen area. Once a week it consisted of tripe & I still
shudder at the memory. There was an italian gardener/janitor who had been there since before the 1st world war
but couldnt speak english. A very nice nun who corresponded with the other Notre Dame convents around the
world gave me stamps that led to a terrific collection which would probably be worth a fortune by now except
that I gave it away to someone when we came to Melbourne. Another, but cranky, nun taught me piano. I was
supposed to practice daily but instead I used to duck around behind the high corrugated tin fence of the convent
grounds & practice marbles till I became one of the best players at St. Pats college on the other side of town
5
where I went to school accompanied by my dog Margis. I used to watch him through the classroom window
waiting for me in the street outside occasionally creeping up behind an old lady passing by to bite her on the
ankle. I think someone had him put down. So back to St. Julie Billiart. She took a vow of chastity at 14. When
the family farm was lost she had to hire out & work for others. When she was 23 an attempt was made on her
fathers life & the shock caused her to become paralysed from fright so that she remained a helpless bed-ridden
cripple for the next 30 years. But her spirit was not broken & she continued her mystical life. During the six
years of the French revolution (1789 –1795) she was always in danger of death & had to be secretly moved to
Compiegne, Amiens, Bethancourt & finally back to Amiens. Mass & communion were possible only when
some hunted priest was in the neighbourhood. Through all this she continued to direct her charity work aimed at
poor orphans & later girls in general. In 1803 her work was put on a permanent basis with the founding of the
‘Institute of the Sisters of Notre Dame’. In the following year the crippled St. Julie, then 53, was urged by a
priest to take one single step for the love of the sacred heart of jesus & she found herself suddenly & completely
cured of her paralysis. In all she founded about 10 convents. She often travelled by cart or on foot walking 28
miles on one occasion. She knew god would provide & once she left the sister superior of a newly founded con-
vent with a starting capital of one franc. There are Notre Dame convents around the world & many of the stud-
ents receive their education free of charge. My sister Rasa was one of them & my piano lessons were also free. I
dont think I paid fees (27/1/05. but my mum tells me w did) in any of the schools I attended in the catholic
system ….

Monday 13/8/01. (25/1/05. from ‘13/8/01 – 25/8/01’) Its 5.30 pm & I’m on what is prob-
ably my main escape route (Melbourne - Charlton - Ouyen - Pinnaroo - Morgan – Burra) 5 ks short of
Murrayville in Danyo reserve. First stop was Charlton for a hamburger with the lot at Lou’s. Maria was
smiling to herself as I entered as she knew what I was going to order. I told her that she made the be-
st hamburgers & I was hard to please. When I was eating it she came over & said : “Have I not lost
my touch?” I told her that she hadnt; I knew coz I go all around australia comparing. When she brou-
ght the coffee it had a dollop of real cream in it. She wished me a good trip as I walked out. Since the
Ouyen turnoff these are some of the place names I’ve driven through : Galah, Walpeup, Underbool,
Linga, Boinka. Bought a couple of stubbies at Underbool for the road; wanted a beer & a stout but
there was not a single stubby of stout in the pub (she checked out back) nor a customer in the bar.
When I got to Danyo reserve I thought, fuck it, I’ll go on to Murrayville and get one. So I did & got a
Southwark Old Stout & discovered you can get Southwark Black Ale there too, one of my favourites.
Now I’m back at the reserve for the night. The big thrill is testing out the new sleeping bag that I bou-
ght at Target for $60. The old one had frayed apart so that the stuffing inside was spilling out. Oh yes,
the hamburger & coffee at Lou’s was $6 & I recommend you stop there. Its on the right hand side of
the main street as you enter Charlton going north. I can tell there has been no serious rain here but
the ground is covered with a green tinge. Its very springlike : no cloud in the sky & I can hear the calls
of at least a dozen varieties of birds. Am not putting up the mozzie nets : its going to be a cold night &
too dry for them here. A truck roars by occasionally on the highway (2/2/05. I think it haz since bn
doptd az th prffrd Sydney/Adelaid rout x th trukn ndustry so now they roar past l8 in2 th nght & hav
made th spot less ttraktv) a kilometre away. The bible is on the dashboard of the van to deter thieves.
A lady at litho house in Nth Melb yesterday criticized me for using it for that. She said I should be
reading it more instead. Along the way I ignored a dead eastern rosella by the roadside as Helen no
longer collects the feathers but I stopped to have a look at a barn owl somewhere north of Sea Lake.
Tuesday 14/8/01. I’ve had breakfast & am a bit shivery as I write sitting on the back
bumper with the sun just clear of the scrub shining directly at me. The aim of the trip is to clarify a few
trains of thought by writing them down. I want to terminate these incessant discussions I’ve been
having with myself for weeks now – as I ride my bike, as I lie in bed; it doesnt stop even when I’m
eating. My interest is not the truth (I leave that to the owners) but what can be said clearly. The last
thing I did before heading off yesterday was to take out the maps of the Flinders Ranges I had put in
the van a few days earlier to replace the maps of western N.S.W. I had put in before that. Fact is I’m
still not sure where I’m going (it could be a metaphor for my life – except that it is my life). I’ll make up
6
my mind definitely tonight though I reckon it will be Lake Gairdner & the Gawler Range. I dont want to
plan ahead as I want to be open to chance influences & hope that such an attitude helps me be less
structured in the writing. My birthday at the end of the week puts me in a mood to review habits, get
rid of excess baggage. (Kate gave me a stone inkwell & a calligraphy brush; Ben, Dan, and Joe who
are all living at home now wont know about it even though I’ll be giving them this piece of writing
which they wont read; my mum gave me a maroon jumper; Helen gave me the best present I’ve ever
got or known anyone else to get : a foldout booklet she made titled the A-Z of a …z listing all the
attributes she claims me to possess which are so extravagant that they would make a saint blush with
embarrassment (I only smirked inwardly)); last week at the monthly mail-artist meeting in a café in
Richmond Lloyd Jones (6/9/01 who is putting on a production on nothingness & loss of self with a
cast of over 20) & Warren Burt (back from lecturing in the US of A and traipsing around the entire
world) sang an aria to a Guisseppe Verdi tune for which they improvised the words along the lines
“His birthday is coming soon; Your birthday is almost here (etc)”; the government of Victoria is giving
me a seniors card which allows me concession rates on trams & trains.) One habit I’ve already rid
myself of is going to galleries (not even the slightest disrespect intended to the two very fine ladies
who own galleries that are on my mailing list). I’ve been going to them because it seemed as good a
way of mixing with friends as any other & I also wanted to support some efforts but I’ve noticed that
we always talk crap in that environment & its influence is so pervasive that we still talk crap in the pub
afterwards. However I’ll make an exception for the show Kate says shes putting on in october. I’ve
even considered getting rid of the reading habit but Basalt, who is reading Montaigne, told me that
Montaigne (who read a lot) says that Plato says that we shouldnt read too much so as not to clutter
ourselves up with the memories of others. Then he introduced me to Vasco Popa who is truly a great
poet. Here is an example (from memory hence maybe made up) :

it was the poor who invented sex

so that men with their long iron keys

could open womens copper locks
without paying silver shillings

Then a book I had ordered through Borders ‘Count Julian’ by Juan Goytisolo (Juanita,
have you read it?) which had been recommended to me by Frank Lovece arrived & it turned out a
really good read – I knew I was in the presence of a sophisticated mediterranean. So I’ve brought a
book with me on the trip in case of a rainy day : ‘The Shadow of the Sun’, latest by Ryszard Kapus-
cinski. I’ve read everything Kapuscinski has written (Gyrai! how about returning my copy of ‘Soccer
Wars’) & I take my hat off to him – he was a traveller. However I’ve discarded (I here put on notice)
my self appointed role as literary mentor to several people on the mailing list. I’ve never met anyone
whos read a book that I’ve mentioned but because of that role friends of mine are forever recomm-
ending books for me to read. & I usually do. But I can’t keep up any longer. I quit the job but not rea-
ding altogether. It would be unfair to expect anyone to read my handouts if I didnt read at least a bit
(or pretend to). Its 9.30 am, the sun has risen in the sky & warmed me up & I’m feeling better already.
Just about time for the road. First I have to eat a tomato because there is a fruit fly inspection point a
bit further along a few ks this side of Pinnaroo. Its usually manned during the day. Yair, I am feeling
better. I am buoyed by the thought that what I share in my DNA with the fruit fly & the worm is greater
than how much I differ from the chimp & the gorilla. Recently I read that 30% of my DNA coding is the
same as a bananas (Helen who once summed me up as a ‘low tech high maintenance sort of guy’
would agree). As the bushranger said : when you live live in clover, coz when youre dead youre dead
all over …

Monday 15/4/02. (25/1/05. from ‘15/4/02 – 26/4/02’) 5.30 pm. Melbourne ….Ch-
arlton (for petrol & a hamburger & coffee ($6.00) from Maria at Lous) …. Underbool (for 3 stubbies) &
7
thats where I had a problem because when I went to start the van I couldnt turn the key & had to ask
at the garage for help which ended up costing $10 while I drank one of the stubbies in the pub. In the
end (with the help of tools & the input of several people including a boy mechanic & an old man who
was “good at tinkering with things”) they unjammed the starter lock by the key wiggling method. To fix
it up properly would require a new lock & a couple of days waiting for it to arrive. Drove on to Murray-
ville for another couple of stubbies (this may be the way) & once again couldnt turn the key at first but
was more persistent & am hoping Ive found the spot Ive got to pull it back to to make it turn. Now Im
5ks back at Danyo reserve where I nearly always stop on this road.

Im a drover
Ill die riding

Im riding across the saltbush plain

towards the distant sun
when the sun goes down
and the red moon shines
Ill still be riding on

Im a drover
my camp gear is rattling

Im heading for Port Kenny on the western side of the Eyre Peninsula in South Australia. It will take
some days if Im able to start the car. A few weeks ago I bought 4 1: 250000 map sheets that cover
the entire peninsula. Each map covers approximately an area of 120ks X 150ks. I intend to spend
most of my time on the one called “Elliston”. (Im listening to the alarm chirrup of a willie wagtail). I
would like to forget the world (the israeli army has surrounded the birthplace of the great prophet &
shot the nose off the statue of his mother; somewhere underwater there is a submarine named after
him (Corpus Christi) gliding through the oceans silently to evade detection by the ruskies : it has one
hundred missiles each armed with three nuclear warheads, enough to end civilization; our alliance (of
anglos to protect modernity) has chosen to keep its prisoners in wire cages (27/1/05. the passge of
time haz nly servd 2 hightn my rvulsion @ our kmplcity. Its growin (28/1/05. gnorz @ me @ nghts &
evn @ cside rzorts wth H. I m nable 2 blok it out az I woz th knwldge of th way th frnch had treatd lg-
erian prznrs bkoz this time w r in th lliance th@ iz doin it – ie kmplcit) like a kancer. I knnot dgest it);
israeli tank crews say their prayers before demolishing palestinian hovels; palestinian girls blow them-
selves up in desperation to kill israeli civilians; meanwhile Melbourne city is surrounded by more cran-
es building huge apartment towers than Ive seen since before the last major recession; (Im drinking a
stubby of Southwark Old Stout) ( the sun has dipped below the horizon & there are many beautiful
bird calls) & I think our civilization is doomed.) On the other hand I am leaving my domestic affairs in
about as good a shape as could be expected considering the circumstances (16/5/02. But now things
are in disarray again) though I wish Ben would check the level of the engine oil & service his car now
& again. (15/5/02. Last night it was broken into while in the drive of the Ivanhoe house by having the
drivers door jemmied. An attempt was made to rip out the stereo/radio.) (Im writing fast before its dark
& I havent eaten yet). H is back at work today after a two week holiday. The only argument we had
was when I tried to convince her that she should not visit Vi for one day a week (saturdays) so that
we could spend the entire day together for walking about the city. I won. Last saturday Dan had prom-
ised hed relieve her but when she rang in the evening to find out how Vi was it turned out he had not
bothered. So it goes. He had probably spent the day sleeping & recovering from playing pool & watc-
hing videos with Ben over the previous night. Kate is fine. (I had lunch with her at Threshermans in
Carlton yesterday). She was looking forward to her first teaching round starting today. I also saw Vi at
the hospital for only the second time since shes been there. Shed had a blood transfusion earlier in
the day. It means shes decided that life is worth living even though deaf & bedridden.
8
 once
a man died
lost in the desert

some
died in forests
some
lost at sea

now
men die in
hospitals

It could be that hers is lengthened by Hs being shortened. The quality of her life may be directly or
inversely related to the quality of Hs life. The great men have always preached that fulfilment comes
from service to others so if we are to believe them it could be a win-win situation (a term most likely
invented by salesmen) but they were probably influenced by the example of mothers that had reared
them & of admiring females that easily believed their spiel. (Gautama deserted his wife & child & the
nazarene deserted his mother). It may be that there are real choices to be made : more life for me is
less for the other (Dostoyevski analyses the moral dimensions of the problem in the novel ‘Crime and
Punishment’). (I can see a very thin new moon between the native pines & its time for a feed).
Tuesday 16/4/02. 7.50 am. I would like to leave these issues behind & do some subst-
antial walking when I get to the Eyre Peninsula. Thats why Im writing about them now. Last year after
I finished the entries for the story ‘13/8/01 – 25/8/01’ where the last entry was written at a beach a bit
east of Cactus Beach (I had mistakenly called it Cactus Beach) on the western side of the peninsula I
continued on for another 3 or 4 days driving along the coast south to Port Lincoln then north to Port
Augusta. Its a great coast, particularly the western side & Im itching to get to know it better. Its an ex-
ample of desert meeting ocean, the exact opposite to the tourist mecca in north Queensland, Cape
Tribulation, that some of my readers may know, where jungle comes down to beach. Continuing on
from where I left off yesterday : it may be that Hs efforts contribute to Vis will to live & encourage her
to accept medical procedures that prolong it. Then Vi makes H miserable by complaining what a lou-
sy life shes got. The increase of one is the diminishing of the other. No one can give themselves
credits for choosing a win-win outcome as any sensible person would do that. But if you choose to
increase yourself perhaps you should do it accepting the responsibility of decreasing another & if you
decide to help someone else only accept credit for the choice if it has decreased you. Another thing
that has been bothering me is a traditional hasidic legend/story that was told to me by Alec Drumm-
ond at the Make It Up Club (2/2/05. woz thr gain ystrdy. FRtYoEmR woz playn guitr.) a couple of we-
eks ago. “There are always 12 Tzadikim (Righteous People) on earth – only 12. They maintain crea-
tion through their righteousness. If ever there’s less than 12, creation will end.” Thats how Alec told it
& he wrote it down too. It bothers me because I smell a con. Linguistic considerations alone make me
suspicious. Why 12? The thing about numbers is that we have practiced the actions they represent.
Numbers constitute exact synchronisations by people across cultures since the most ancient times,
since the beginning of money economies in fact. Further refinements have led to mathematics which
is a major component of modern scientific technology. So it is legitimate to ask why not 13 or 11 or 7
or 3 Tzadikim? (28/4/02. The same consideration applies to the 144000, or whatever it is, that the
jehovas witnesses claim is the number that will be saved). However we havent practiced at recognis-
ing righteousness nearly as much. What is practiced as good in one culture can be seen to be very,
very bad in another (worth reading Alfonso Lingis on the sexual practices of the Sambia tribe in new
guinea on this). And we havent practiced at all at recognising a “Tzadikim” since if there are only 12
we are not going to have met one. There are different orders of language side by side here & I suspe-
9
ct that what is vague or meaningless is meant to gain credibility by being placed next to what is exact.
Its a standard trick. & since we cannot know the Tzadikim ourselves I bet our knowledge of them co-
mes from middlemen wearing long beards (to denote seniority, access to antiquity, & that they are
male) & outlandish clothes (maybe all black, or purple vestments, or capes (but in india they someti-
mes wear nappies to show how emaciated their bodies are from ascetic & yogic practices) & strange
head gear. Every conman knows that the outfit is 90% of the act. Yet I see humble depressed looking
women wheeling their mothers about in supermarkets or with a retarded son in tow (& I think this guy
is in his 50s & his mother is in her 70s & they live in a housing commission flat & shes had him in tow
all her adult life & hes whining & carrying on & not at all grateful) dressed drably & with no claims to
any kind of special knowledge & no one to listen to their story. Perhaps creation depends on the exis-
tence of very many such women in our suburbs rather than the very few possessors of special right-
eousness. In spite of my suspicions & having cast doubts on the role of cosmic brokers I have to ad-
mit that I take up the offer of the great teacher, jesus of nazareth, that if we ask in his name he will
intercede on our behalf. I have asked & I hold him to his promise – otherwise what he said isnt true.
Alec wrote down another story that I find acceptable. ““An unlearned Jew wanted to pray but didn’t
know the prayers. So he recited the Hebrew alphabet & said “Hashem (“Lord”) you put the letters in
the right order.”” This is a bit like the palestinian whose ancestral home is being bulldozed & as he
walks away he gestures at the sky & calls out “Allah Akbar”. Time for the road : it will be interesting to
see if I can start the car ….

Monday 11/8/02. (25/1/05. from ‘11/8/02 – 21/8/02’)

There are a number of insanities

In the world
And my grandfather had them all!

Let us suppose that one fine day

You wished to go
To the other end of the world

In an ox-cart. “Aha”, he would cry,

“Aha!”
Hurry, my little man,

Hurry, my child, run and bring

My prayer shawl
And the pots of clay,

And three pieces of cheese,

Two onions
And six pieces of well-salted meat,

Two strong shoes and a pair

Of cotton socks
And one convenient shirt.

10
 When one goes on such a long
Journey,
When one is finally serious,

When one really undertakes

To go
It would be a shame not to be ready.

Leonard Wolf

By contrast I am travelling in a brand new (1695 ks on the clock) Toyota Hiace (short wheel base) van that cost
$30,000 to buy ($200 trade-in on the Nissan) & another $8,500 to fit out : pop-up roof by Sunliner to solve the
ventilation problem I had in the Nissan on hot nights : cost $4,000; two sliding windows : $500; front bullbar :
$280 ; rubber mat for the floor : $200 ; large alloy wrap around back bar to sit on & put a stubby down on under
the tail gate that lifts up & also in case I back into a stump & demolish the back of the van (28/1/05. th tailg8 &
bumpr wer dmaged on tuesdy in me bsence while parkd whn I woz vztn ŽVvIaRiBdLaIsS. Th van haz
dun 47000ks) as I could have done on at least 3 occasions in the Nissan if I hadnt had a heavy duty bumper on
that too : cost $800. The boys who made the bar (of Boss Aluminium in Ringwood) suggested I line the top sur-
face with rubber to protect me arse from freezing & this evening provided just the right circumstances for test-
ing out its effectiveness. I spent 2 days & a half in the workshop with these guys while they made the bumper &
the 2 aluminium beds, which are the only substantial fixtures inside the van, to my specifications. The end 1/3
of Hs bed is detachable so I can leave it at home when I travel by myself & the remainder is used as a table (I
am writing on it now under a very bright fluorescent light that apparently hardly draws any electricity). The
beds (& various small extras) cost $1705 & the privilege was all mine as I couldnt have spent time in finer com-
pany. David Whitehead (who is only 24 but I think he owns the company) grew up on a 7000 acre property 15-
ks out of Boort on the road to Wycheproof (where I turned off west today to go through Birchip, Beulah, Hope-
toun, Walpeup & Underbool to where I am now 6ks short of Murrayville (to which I went on to pick up a cou-
ple of stubbies one of which (Coopers Stout) Im drinking now & to fill up with petrol & work out that Im only
getting 8ks to the litre so my range at a maximum of 500ks per tankful is hardly any better than in the Nissan
which though it had a smaller tank usually did more than 10ks per litre. The tank of the Hiace is 70 litres but
doesnt fill to more than 80-85% capacity & the higher consumption is caused by the more powerful engine (2.4
lts) that makes it feel as if youre driving a sedan)) where he would much prefer to be right now except that it
was sold. At a young age he has already been all over the place including fiji where he worked as a plumber &
became acquainted with many “characters” (2/2/05. 1dr if 1 of them woz th persn I had met on an rlier trip
→ Eyre pnnsula hoo had met (or had a vzion of ) JESUS in FIJI (c ‘15/4/02 – 26/4/02’ p22)?). When
he was a kid everyone said he should be an artist as he was a natural at those things. He is married with a small
daughter. He made the two aluminium frame (bases are of wooden slats) beds secure enough to withstand the
most bone jarring corrugations as I had told him I often drive long distances on such roads. One of his knees has
been shattered in a motorcycle accident. His aim is to be in semi “retirement” by the age of 35 so he can conce-
ntrate on making the things he wants such as a motorcycle frame of his own design. The other guy in the factory
is Mark Limbom. He is 30 & has a 6 month old pup (with about 20 different breeds in him, all large & vicious)
of a mild disposition called Deemon. Mark is trying to work out how to stop Deemon farting when they go trav-
elling in his 4x4. Marks favourite drinks, which I got to taste, appear to be bourbon & coke, & Jim Beam & co-
la. He has done drugs & learnt the better of it. He supports his mum financially who made the mistake of stand-
ing surety for his brothers loan & could have lost her flat in the process. Mark made the back bumper & sugg-
ested the rubber covering. He doesnt care if he gets alzheimers because he wont know when hes got it, he said.
These boys grind, cut & weld aluminium & other metals all day long & at the end of the day they sweep up a
pan full piled high of metal dust as fine as bulldust. Their faces are black with oxidized aluminium. When they
slap their trousers they make clouds. The only protective gear I saw them wear were welding helmets & goggles
to protect against flying splinters. They do all kinds of custom fabrication & welding & I recommend them. To-

11
day is the first day of a trip to test out the new system to which they have made an essential contribution & so
far its working well. Its good to leave Melbourne.

Journey

You can turn away

From the leper’s rattle,
Shut your windows and ears,
Wait until he has passed.

But if once you have heard it

You’ll hear it always,
And because he wont go
You must go.

Pack up a bundle that’s not too heavy,

For no one will help you carry.
Creep away softly and leave the door open,
You will not return.

Go far enough to get away from him,

Board a ship or look for a wilderness :
The leper’s rattle will not fall silent.

If he stays behind you will take it with you.

That tapping on your eardrums – listen! –
Is your own heartbeat

Gunter Eich

Tuesday 12/8/02. I am retracing a very regular path. The willie wagtail I am listening to is prob-
ably the same bird that was chirrupping the last time I was sitting here writing on a tuesday morning warmed by
an early sun. There is plenty of condensation in the van as I didnt raise the pop-up because it was so cold. I no-
tice you can get condensation on the aluminium frames of the beds. The bed felt just as roomy & comfortable as
a standard one at home. That was the idea when I designed the interior : to first make sure I was capable of a
good nights rest (& H too when she is here). I consider it to be the single most important component in the pres-
ervation of my equilibrium. The standard campervan you see on the road (often being driven by an old codger
like me) is an attempt to imitate a little room : carpets, sink, fridge, stove, microwave etc. etc. They are wired up
for 240 volts so that you can run the appliances by plugging into mains power in caravan parks (they also usual-
ly have a second battery). The beds in them are too narrow or too awkward to get in & out of. The room doesnt
work as well as the one at home & in the caravan parks you are more crowded by neighbours than in the suburb
you left behind. The appliances & the cupboards weigh a ton & make the vans very sluggish & the owners relu-
ctant to take them into difficult terrain for fear of damaging expensive equipment. Ive never been in a caravan
park even when I travelled with five kids. My gear is stored in compatible plastic boxes which are light & can
be left behind if not needed. They fit snugly under the beds. Unlike the campervans which carry water in large
marine tanks cut into the side panelling of the van mine is in plastic containers of which I take only as many as I
need. I have a good spot for a jerry can of petrol which would extend my range by 180ks. On the bed I have a
swag with an extra mattress inside it & I lay a sleeping bag on top of it. If I want to I can roll the lot up & put it
outside to sleep under the stars. I toyed with the idea of getting a 4x4 but reading in the paper last week that one
car in three bought new in Melbourne is a 4x4 convinces me that Ive made the right decision. ….

12
Tuesday 11/3/03 (26/1/05. from ‘March 11’) The anatomy of a public disturbance. Let us say u r
sitting @ a sidewalk table of a café (actually it woz me & H on saturday (8/3/03) arvo @ the Time Out
café in Federation Square) & u notice, a few tables away, a waitress in prolonged, agitated conver-
sation with a young ( about 20 ) & ineffectual looking youth who is holding bundles of newspapers &
brochures promoting the peace campaign. It seems she is trying 2 prevent him distributing his mater-
ial 2 the patrons but in spite of his unimposing stature he continues 2 rgue back. Finally the waitress
disappears with dtermined stride in2 the café & the youth continues handing out his material including
a brochure that H takes & which I read & note 2 b a particularly well balanced ( & moderate ) plea 4
peace & advert 4 4thcoming demos. After a while when he gets a couple of tables further along whe-
re an lderly lady buys1 of his newspapers an imposing & dtermined looking bruiser ( probably the ma-
nager I think ) in the black outfit worn by the staff comes out of the café & takes up with the peacenik.
Once again he is quietly insistent. I note that this is a public space though undoubtedly Time Out is
paying a hefty fee 4 the right 2 have the tables here & serve liquor. Then I notice that the athletic bru-
iser dressed in black has taken hold of the pathetic peacenik by the upper arm & I say in a command-
ing voice over the top of the patrons @ the intervening tables : take your hands off him, u cant do tha-
t, thats illegal, leave him alone, if u want him out get the cops. It has the dsired effect & after a while
the peacenik leaves apparently of his own accord. Now the bruiser comes over, squats down on his
haunches next 2 where I am sitting ( H is on the other side of me ) & ngages me, sotto voce ( not wis-
hing 2 provide further ntertainment 4 the patrons ), in a sustained accusation over my bhaviour ( later
H said he looked very upset ). His main point seemed 2 b that I had publicly humiliated him by jump-
ing 2 conclusions over his bhaviour. He said hed been 2 the peace march ( there had been 1 that day
) & dmanded 2 know if I had been 2 any. He said his father lived in the middle east & his mother woz
an activist in the womens movement. He said he was only doing what the manager had asked him 2
do & when I tried 2 rgue back by pointing out that when people kill (28/1/05. & trtur) in wars they alw-
ays say they were only obeying orders he told me 2 stop lecturing him. Then when I said I admitted I
had probably been too sudden having been affected by a rush of righteous indignation & asked him 2
convey my apologies 2 the manager he said he didnt give a stuff about the manager & that I had ins-
ulted him personally no doubt being prejudiced by his appearance bcoz he was large ( & swarthy? ) &
shaven headed. & I woz saying thats ridiculous Ive got heaps of friends who look like u but he kept on
& on his face only a foot or so from mine. I woz trying 2 say that it woz quite possible that I had misin-
terpreted his actions & yes I had been too quick 2 get vocal but he kept on as if he woznt hearing me
& I woz saying that a very good friend of mine looked just like him & as I said it looking in2 his face it
seemed 2 me that he did indeed look remarkably similar around the eyes & mouth 2 that very good
friend Sebastian Salt (2 whom I have referred in several of my pieces ( see ‘13/2/01 – 26/2/01’ p.1 )
as Basalt & who woz partly responsible 4 putting me on2 the essays of Montaigne ) who woz teach-
ing english in Madrid & the bruiser said thats my brother u r talking about. Now it so happens that
Basalt is 1 of the people who actually appreciates my writing & woz on my mailin/dlivery list until he
busted up with his partner ( so he drank a bottle of vodka, rode in2 a tree & fell off his bike, threw up
over himself, when he came 2 in the morning his wallet woz gone, quit his job, left for Paris ) & left for
europe. So its not surprising that me & the bruiser whose name turns out 2 b Maz (probably 4 Matth-
ew) nded up shaking hands & even xchanging pleasantries. Bas is fine, apparently, since scoring a
new bird an rgentinian sort. I promised 2 bring Maz a copy of my most recent piece. That woz how
the incident nded & me & H dparted 4 home in Miller st., me a bit stunned. Next day I had arranged 2
meet Jane Crawford who had come back 2 Melbourne from the KUNSTLERHAUS BETHANIEN ( & I
take the opportunity 2 pass on a hello 2 Danius & also 2 Mike Stevenson whose studio ( representing
new zealand ) is down the passage ) in Berlin at litho house in Errol st. North Melb. for lunch. We talk-
ed mainly about writing ( she does it ) & what writers do or not. She had come with a box of fotos whi-
ch included ones of when they had visited litholand over xmas where they had been joined 4 a couple
of weeks by none other than Basalt himself. It so happened that I was carrying an nvelope in my bac-
kpack containing 2 copies of my last piece bcoz I wanted Maz 2 send 1 of them on 2 Bas in Madrid
(2/2/05. kood eezly hav bn on th train blown up x th terrrsts, he sez (Danius sed), xpt he took a sikkee
13
th@ day). I woz particularly impressed with myself coz in that piece of writing, fresh off the press, I
dvote an ntire page 2 commentary on ‘coincidental’ events of xactly the kind that my altercation with
him had illustrated. Whats more the piece mentions Time Out café as thats where I had a drink with
Vaidas a week earlier ( see ‘February 24’ p. 4-5 ). When I xplained it all 2 Jane she suggested I incl-
ude with the copies 1 of the fotos of Bas in litholand she just happened 2 have there with her in the
box & which she gave me. As I woz cycling down King st. on me way 2 Time Out with the nvelope
containing copies of my rticle on the back of which I had attached the foto I had stopped @ the lights
@ Little Collins st @ the same time as a car from which Andrew Saniga who is also mentioned in the
rticle in the nvelope ( see ‘February 24’ p.7 ) called out I suppose this is one of those coincidences
(he had evidently read the piece) u talk about. I said it sure is but I didnt have time 2 elaborate as the
lights changed. When I dlivered the nvelope Maz suggested we have a talk over a cup of coffee. Ill
take him up on it some day. I wrote this ntry in the little park on the opposite side of the highway 2 the
Murrayville pub (from the windows of which I can hear the TV). I have drunk 2 stubbies & will get ano-
ther 1 2 take back with me 2 Danyo Reserve 5ks away. I wont dscribe the reserve as I already have
on many occasions. Its 7.10, Im due 4 a feed. Oh yair, @ Lous in Charlton where I had a bacon &
onion hamburger I gave a copy of the rticle 2 Maria bcoz she asked how Id been. ( 20/3/03. 11.55 a-
m. I suppose the invasion of iraq by the US, britain & australia is starting about now. I am @ Lous in
Charlton again on the return journey. The dust storm here yesterday woz the worst Maria had seen &
she woz here in 1983 4 the last big 1. The coffee woz on her & I promised 2 send the writing. )(27/1/-
05. Ill send this 1 2)
Wednesday 12/3/03 The sun has risen ( 7.55 ). Last night Id b woken by voices nearby or by the so-
und of a car engine & as Id strain 2 hear Id wake up again & look out the window in2 a starry night. Its
a kind of agitation : u wake from 1 dream in2 another & maybe another again. On the first couple of
occasions I could see the moon setting in the west bhind the callitris pines. Consequently I dont know
if I slept a lot or very little. I woz tossing & turning in the grip of introspections or confusion. Frank Os-
owski ( @ the ‘poets’ ) suggested I give xpression 2 my confusions rather than always seeking clarity
but language doesnt lend itself 2 such an effort. It tries 2 nail down, hold up 2 the gaze, forge agree-
ment. ( just had a visit from a hooded robin : Melanodryas cucullata ).Take my word 4 it though I am
confused. When I woz a kid ( bcoz I was rgumentative ) my lders had a habit of telling me that Id kno-
w better when I got 2 their age but all I learnt woz that they hadnt known what they were talking abo-
ut. The main thing they sought woz financial security & the deities they worshipped ( never wavering
in their loyalty ) were the gods of achieverism. They r not mine. Late in2 the night & long b4 dawn Ive
been listening 2 the trucks roaring on the highway in the distance & am reminded of a passage in ‘Au-
sterlitz’ (27/1/05. a kupl of munths ago I told DRUaMlMeOcMD I wood take hiz rkmmd8n 2 read it ha-
vn kmpletly 4gottn I (2/2/05. not az bad az LfOrVaEnCkE hoo on 26/1/05 (c ‘Danyo Reserve’ p5) woz
quotin @ us “Time is simply a yardstick of our separation …” @rbutin it 2 Faulkner havn 4gotn
hed got it from my piece ‘30/11/04 – 9/12/04’ p2 whch hed rceivd nly a kupl of dayz rlier) lready had)
( Sebald ) where the narrator listens 2 the ebb & flow of the traffic in a large city from his hotel room &
wonders if he is hearing the life form that is about 2 replace him or already has. I dont think its quite
like that. What we r hearing is what we r changing in2 - our new heartbeat …………Wednesday
19/3/03 Yesterday I was told at the pub that the guy called John who used to ride up on a bike with a
little terrier (28/1/05. xakly th same az th 1 LjEaGnOeOtD haz hooz name, I think, iz BOSS) following
& who has just bought a VW van when I last talked to him died 3 weeks ago of a heart attack. Today I
drove to Danyo reserve through the worst sand/dust storm Ive ever seen between Moorook & Pinar-
oo, especially bad from Loxton to Pinaroo. Rang H from Murrayville to tell her Ill be home tomorrow.
Oh yes, John had an arrangement with a friend in Adelaide that if one of them died the other would
look after his dog. So the terrier has a home. A woman in the pub said they gave him a proper send
off considering he lived alone & had no connections.

Wednesday 9/7/03 (26/1/05. from ‘June 28’) We’ve retraced our journey into Victoria (Burra
→Morgan → Waikerie → Moorook → Loxton → Pinnaroo) to Danyo Bushland Reserve, a
14
stretch of mallee and callitris pine off the Mallee Highway just past Murrayville. It is
familiar territory to John as it’s one of his usual spots on trips into S.A. It’s green, in much
better shape than he last saw it. We spoilt our record of domestic harmony today with a
blue over what I consider to be the mangling of perfectly useful and easy words by
careless handlers of the language and John considers to be natural and charming verbal
evolution a la Shakespeare, when we heard an Aussie ASIO troglodyte use the word
“nucular” instead of “nuclear” on the radio. One thing led to another and we spent the
next half hour in respective sulks. Goes to show that some people will argue over 2 flies
crawling up a wall. God help the Arabs and Israelis. At Waikerie there was a big placard
outside a church with the message : “You are bound to stumble if you are not humble”,
so I’ve taken it to heart and have nuffink more to say on the whole sorry matter. (U had
the last word but (until now)). Some may lamnt th@ in a world of no measures or
st&rds (ltim@e truths) from outside the human condition ther is confusion about
how we shld liv. I dont find it a problem bcoz ther is always the spectcle of
xmplary lives, contempry & hstorical. They cannot be calibrated or condnsd in2
rules (eg. the 10 (plus heaps of minor 1s) of moses) bcoz they r not quantt@ive
but particular & wheras the fortunes of the rch can b countd the qualties & acts
of xmplary lives can only b ndicated or dscribed. Those who complain th@ the
role models chosen by the ‘masses’ r trite or nadequate (or prsentd & controlld by
fnancial ntrests, the me-dia etc.) hav the option of offrng thmslvs as more
suitable 1s. I hav chosen 2 rtain the life of the prpht from nazareth as my pre-
emnnt xmpl of how life shld b livd. My loyalty is not backd by deeds. I hardly evr
read the accounts of what he has tght & lately whn I do his words seem strangely
opaque as if meaning itself has changed. Or mayb I stare @ thm 2 ntensly & ask
“but what does it mean?” & thn they dsintegrate like bubbles bursting in spray.
Evn his words may b finally dsp-pearing! But I rtain the picture of a life : of a
manger, of a lamb, of a heart, of a teacher & healer, of the sharing of the bread &
wine, of a king riding sidesaddl on a donkey in2 Jerusale. Perhaps they r pictures
from illustrated bibles 4 childrn.

Monday 18/8/03 (26/1/05. from ‘August 18’) Melbourne (9.30am) → Charlton (ptrl & hmbrgr @ Lous;
4 the 1st time Maria woznt here bcoz she woz vsting her kids (2/2/05. spent $20,000 on her suns
weddn & a few yearz l8r he woz dvorced. Her gr&rtr (hoo getz sum of my writn) iz studyin 2 bkum a
4nzk scientst) in Melbourne) → Underbool (2 stubbies) → Mittyack (20 mnute powr nap by the silos;
found a crockery t cup rimmd with a flowr dsign 4 H) → Danyo reserve (c ‘June 28/29’ p20) wher me
& H campd on the last night of the previous trip. Nothing has changed here, honey, in the ntervning 7
weeks. I suppose its bn 2 cold 4 the grass 2 grow & the ground is dry. Im buggrd bcoz I ddnt sleep
last night. I woz teeming with ideas whch now I cant b bothrd writing down. @ 2.30am I had heard
noises & got up 2 find Ben had arrived 2 use the washing machine he said but more likely 2 leave
their house mpty 4 Joe 2 do his casanova bit wth 1 of his new grlfriends after he knocks off work @
the pub in the middle of the night. Then @ 6am Kate rang from Sydney wher she had just arrived by
bus 2 get my mums fone number. Ystrday I woz eating kugelis (made by Bronia, Odrone etc; 4 the
recipe c ‘3/6/03 –12/6/03’ p7) washed down with lambrusco (pourd by Ruta) @ litho house in Errol st
Nth Melb & now Im drnking a glass of Fruit Ballad Lavender & Apple dessert wine in a p@ch of scrub
in the middle of nowher. Im a wreck. Its getting dark. I can hear a very persistent cuckoo calling. 7.38-
pm. Cold. Tuesday 19/8/03. 8.40am. I was awake 4 much of the night again. Its as if a switch was
thrown on sunday & now Im agitated. I worry about the kids. If I didnt discipline myself Id be worrying
15
about them all the time. Or maybe its a cyclical thing. When I did finally fall asleep I was soon woken
because it got so cold. Whenever I touched against the side of the van it was penetrating through the
sleeping bag. I was cupping the point of me shoulder with me free hand (What were you doing
with your non-free hand? Helenz 30/8/03.) 2 stop it chilling. There is a thick layer of frost on the
front of the window (facing away from the morning sun) still. My agitations translate themselv-es in2
issues about writing bcause I know th@ success in saying what I want 2 dispels them. Ive de-cided 2
cut back on the fone text style though. Excessive tinkering with individual words is slowing me down
too much & makes the typing difficult 4 H. It constipated the xpression. The xperiment was fun &
worthwhile if only 2 find th@ the 4m wasnt natural 2 me. u find out by doing it. @ a meeting of the
concrete/visual poets Tony Figallo once talked about breaking away from “linear” writing & Id like 2
but its got me in its grip. As if Im meant 2 b there. What Id like 2 do is make the sentences less sequ-
ential or if connected then by some other less rigid method (eg by association or sound) so I could
jump about from topic 2 topic more freely & the whole flow in a more amorphous continuous way, like
water over rocks. It would make it more like I am. (A few days ago when Lance Morton sold me a pair
of sandals 4 $125 th@ he normally sells 4 $175 he said “Yester-day is history/tomorrow is a myster-
y/today is a gift/& that’s why its called the present”. One of his customers is Ray Parkin who lives in
the locality & was a friend of Weary Dunlop. On the Burma railway they used 2 exchange their sket-
ches & writing so if only 1 survived the others work would also b saved. Recently his manuscript on
captain cooks explorations in the Endeavour was discovered & published by John Clarke. Hes writing
a book on the meaning of life. Hes 93. When Lance asked him what his secret is he said “ I live today
like Im going to die tomorrow” (so he should @ th@ age)). Making phlosophical statements about (a
very large hare lolloped by) direct experience (knowledge) is problematic & the temptation is 2 over-
reach (3/9/03. I have poked fun @ Neitzsche (c ‘June 28/29’ p14) 4 saying I am god I am god (Vaslav
Nijinsky also said it) after he went mad but I do it with the observation th@ when a whole society acts
in a godlike manner its members, secured by righteousness, fail 2 c the funny side). We forget th@
our perceptions r interpreted by the words we assign 2 them & r given meaning only when others join
us in accepting our language. A couple of days ago I read a book by Chris Hedges (© First Anchor
Books Edition, June 2003. ISBN 1400034639) called ‘War Is A Force That Gives Us Meaning’. He has
reported on the majority of recent conflicts & writes with passion how war intoxicates & distorts our
perspectives (& how politicians use th@.) I think it does it because in war we join with others whi-ch is
the basis of the 4mation of all meaning. (Elias Canetti writes well about it in ‘Crowds and Pow-er’).
The experiences of an isolated individual mean nothing b4 they r shared. Since the last trip Ive also
read ‘Neitzsche and the Vicious Circle’ by Pierre Klossowski (© ISBN 1226443876 (paperback)
(printed on acid-free paper)). Nietzsche thought his experience @ Sils Maria of what he termed “the
eternal return” would change the course of history. But the language he used 2 give expression 2 it
was incoherent so it was never shared. Even George Luis Borges couldnt understand what he was
trying 2 say. Pierre Klossowskis explanations r equally incoherent. The requirement th@ if it is 2 have
meaning language has 2 b accepted & understood is salutary. I cannot think of a better example 2
illustrate the classical greek notion of hubris than the story of the last day in the life of jesus of nazar-
eth who in the morning claimed he would b seated @ the right hand of power & in the evening wailed
“oh god, oh god, (28/8/03. for how would he know it was god?) why have you forsaken me?” (a rufous
whstler (cant give u the latin name coz I forgot the bird book) is chirruping in the calitris pine next 2
me) …………Thursday 28/8/03. Camping spot (where I definitely wont b able 2 get in again this year
because of the growth in the vegetation down the centre strip of the track) → Waikerie (ferry across
the Murray & petrol) → Loxton (also a Murray town where I checked the mobile on which Dan had left
a message 2 say he was better but if he was still crook in a weeks time he would see Doig (who has
closed shop 4 a while 2 c one of his kids compete in a ski event) on friday ; read the paper over $3 of
strong latte) → Pinnaroo (topped up with petrol @ the BP service station where the dispenser in the
toilet sells SUPER RIBBED & TEXTURED CONDOMS & CONDOMS IN ASSORTED COLOURS) →
Murrayville (2 stubbies of Coopers Sparkling; they had 1½ inches of rain last weekend) → Danyo
reserve (2.30pm). I have come a full circle as its here I wrote the 1st entry 4 the piece Im putting out
16
so mayb its appropriate 4 me 2 come back 2 Nietzsches notion of the ‘eternal return’ on which I com-
mented then. (I can hear the rufous whistler again) Despite his (& Pierre Klossowskis) best efforts &
his mastery of language (he had been a prof of philology) he was unable 2 make his experience @
Sils Maria coherent (pass it on; integrate in2 the social fabric). Perhaps its just as well 4 it may b wh-
en it is translated in2 words (agreed meaning) the primary experience of knowing (ie the discomfort,
agitation, amazement, mystery) is laid aside or destroyed. Putting things in2 words (labelling, giving a
context, explanation) is always reductionist (& a viewing backwards), an attempt 2 explain complexity
by simplicity (many by few; set in terms of subsets). His failure 2 incorporate (in2 language) his insig-
ht shows how xeptional it was. It seems he understood the limitations of language & so the question
has 2 b asked why he persisted in the effort (I am interested becoz I keep asking why I am writing).
His answer, self flattering I suggest, would have been th@ he was giving xpression 2 an overabunda-
nce, an xess, an xuberance (throwing pearls b4 swine?) (when I get out of control I talk about dialec-
tic, an intersection of discourses etc) but I think it is more likely th@ no matter how secure we feel in
our separate identities we know we r incomplete until we r joined with others. It is likely the Sils Maria
insight was incapable of being shared becoz it connected parts of the brain (which mediates (or is a
node in) all experience, emotion, ideas, insight, intuition but u cannot say its where they happen) rare-
ly joined. It may b the kind of connections involved were the same which would later lead 2 his insani-
ty & subsequent silence. Klossowski suggests he had a premonition (likewise it seems jesus of nazar-
eth knew (he is reportd 2 have predicted) his ministry was 2 end in his early execution) of it & the Sils
Maria revelation was its justification. Should Nietzsches insight have been contingent on his final con-
dition the insanity is no measure of its validity since experience is its own judge (christs death can b
seen equally as a suicide (he could have avoided it by accepting the offer on the cliff top) which some
might call a negation or as being justified (even necessitated) by his ministry). Unlike Nietzsche I dont
feel driven 2 explain epiphanies. In these trip notes I have been describing the small detail of minor
worlds & hope my acceptance of what I cannot underst& protects me from the anger of the gods.

Wednesday 5/11/03 (26/1/05. from ‘October 27’) …. Changed me mind & drove on 2 Renmark where
I checked the message bank. 1 was from Mykolas, left last Friday, telling me (as per agreement) ther-
e was a meal of kugelis on @ litho house on the sunday. The other was a surprise message from
Andrew S (31/1/05 wth hoom I had lunch in Lygon st 2day) saying no 3 baby hasnt arrived yet & wis-
hing me well out in the backblocks (he knew from H). Rang H @ home & caught her b4 she was lea-
ving 2 go out with Kate. She had expected me 2 b away 4 up 2 a month but I told her the writing was
as good as finished so I would b back on friday & would b riding me bike 2 the Bocadillo as usual. Me
ribs r better all the time. Im sitting on the back bumper under the tail gate on a warm night @ 8.35 pm
& there r no mozzies. Im gunna get drunk. I had 2 stubbies after Loxton & bought another 2 @ Murr-
ayville 5ks back. Between Renmark & Loxton the air was redolent with perfumes of flowering trees,
especially orange. I can hear an owlet nightjar (Aegotheles cristatus). Its still. The smell of the grass
crushed where I drove in over it is a contrast 2 the perfumes of the riverl&. Thursday 6/11/03. The fu-
neral tied up some loose ends but also produces new 1s. I prefer the word disengagement 2 closure.
In closure u put outside & shut the door. (9/11/03. You also use a horrible piece of amer-ican
psychobabble – helenz.) When u disengage u can retain @ a distance. I hadnt known how Vi had
prayed or th@ she had accepted the last rites. It made the religious tone (but Im glad there was no
music – I dont think I could have stomached it) of the ceremony H, a non-believer, had devised more
underst&able. I dont think I would have liked 2 have been in Noels shoes married 4 a lifetime 2 a
woman 4 whom even @ your very best u could only ever b a 2nd best. I grieve 4 him. I was away on a
trip 2 Thurra river in Gippsland when he died & it hasnt occurred 2 me 2 ask what kind of funeral it
was or if H had organized th@ ceremony also. He was buried by the Gianarelli (28/1/05. Viz woz dun
x Le Pine in Ivanhoe whch Iv since dskuvrd iz ownd x a yank korpr8n) brothers & I rem-ember being
surprised @ how little it had cost. He wouldnt have wanted it differently. During their marriage Vi had
known how 2 rub in his 2ndary status but perhaps he had deserved it. Hs charac-terization of her by
the single word love is seen by me in the context of having had an altercation with her from whch our
17
relationship was unable 2 fully recover. I grieve 4 Vi bcoz I think she would have liked 2 fly & could
have but was always grounded by circumstances. Its interesting how the clergymen get in on the act
@ critical moments : birth, marriage, sex, death. They know where youre vulnerable but its a mutual
arrangement. These r the m@ers people recognize as pivotal & in whch they ask 2 b guided (7/11/03.
they yearn 4 endorsement). If its not the church whch does it then its going 2 b the state whch
delegates the task 2 lawyers, doctors, accountants & experts whom it can control more easily by
owning the franchise. But churchmen r very easily controllable these days too unless theyre muslims
(27/1/05. but x now they 2 hav bn kowd & rmain silent on th trtur of Habib (29/1/05. rturnd →
AUSTRALIA ystrdy on th nnvrsry of th lbr8n of AUSCHWITZ (GUANTANAMO will grow in th mmry of
hstrians) & woz mmd8ly smeard (havn prviously bn mnstru8d on?) x Ruddock hoo sez he iz rportd (x
sum1 trturd? (31/1/05. a knadian wth a rabk name hoo woz “rendered” (a butcherz term meann 2 karv
up & melt ↓ 4 f@) x th US of A → syria falsly dmttd 2 trainn wth al Qaeda in th lok8ns he woz told 2
say )) 2 hav traind wth al Qaeda & th@ he will b kept ndr bzrv8n 4 past ssoci8ns (an eezee (favrit of
KGB) smear az ppl dont rlize how few ºs of sepr8n dvide us) & Downer ssured us he will not b llowed
2 rzume th “war on terror” (freudian slip?). I will read hiz book if he rites 1 2 try 2 dcide if he iz Olly
nnocent (az I xpkt ) or whthr he haz bn rleasd bkoz he haz greed 2 prmote (31/1/05. or bkoz he haz
bn pumpd so full of psykoaktiv chmkls he haz gon mad & lost krdblty so th yanx feel hiz ssertions O
hiz treatmnt will not b takn sriously) yank (thr4 our) PROPAGANDA.) & uthrs). Their silence on critical
issues where it counts but 2 speak up would endanger privileges is thunderous. I wonder what Id do
about a funeral if H died. Id never thought of the possibility having already outlived my expectations. If
I asked shed say dont b morbid, who cares. I think Id do nothing. Mayb go on a trip & sit on a pier wi-
th a stubby somewhere on the Eyre peninsula. Kate would say Ill organize it what do u want done dad
& Id say suit yourself. Rasas view is th@ my mum would like a large ‘community’ burial along the lin-
es my father had (9/11/03. but perhaps she thinks so bcoz its what she herself would xpect). @ least
Id come 2 the wake in case her & Egle needed support. No kind of funeral service would have salv-
aged his death. He (28/1/05. a keen fotogrphr. 2day I nlarged & sent off a kupl of fotos takn in th early
50s 2 th Lakes Entrance Family Resource Centre Inc. (c/o Brian Hancock) of us wth an boriginl famly
nxt 2 their humpy in a settlmnt in th foothills out back of Whiters Park. I rote 2 Brian it woz ronik th@
thez, th nly fotos of th settlmnt (long gon) he knew of, wer takn wth my fathrz kamra - th newst rrivls
fotografn th earliest!) died @ the wrong time (around 50+) 2 have had a chance 2 benefit from the fri-
endship of a son as I was still @ an age of ‘sturm und drang’ & not easy 2 get on with. He was a per-
son who had found it difficult 2 cope with dislocation & when he finally got his electronics diploma @
RMIT & his law subject from Melbourne uni & was beginning 2 settle in2 a job as a patents examiner
whch he found 2 his surprise suited him just right – he died. & it was a difficult death with much misdi-
agnosis & cutting edge medical experimentation. In the end it turned out 2 b bone cancer & his illness
was unforgiving & long. 1 thing I realized after Vis funeral is that I dont want 2 b incinerated & I make
the request 2 any1 2 whom it might concern. I would like 2 know now so my last conscious moments r
not distracted by thoughts of fire. Bury me in a ditch (10/10/03. so I can look after me worm farm)….

Tuesday30/11/04.(26/1/05.from‘30/11/04~9/12/04’)Melbourne(10.15)→Charlton(hambrgrxMariahoos
eztheyhad1drdwhrIdgot2)→Ouyen(stubby)→Underbool(2stubbies)→DanyoReserve(6.45&Ivpordakoff
ee).Itshot&humidwthachangedueovrnght.ThbooksIvbrghtr‘TheRhinocerosHorn&OtherEarlyBuddhistP
oems’trnsl8dxK.R.Norman,pubxThePaliTextSociety,London(1985),ISBN0~86013~154~8(lentxjZoIsZe
YpShhoolsogotme2readthDhammapadagainrcently&lastweekreadbookslentxDIaCnAdSrTeRaOhooIrc
knizakloztbuddhst)&‘Pensées’xBlaisePascalwhchkanbreadgain&gainhoosezin¶563:“Itisnotpossiblet
ohavereasonablegroundsfornotbelievinginmiracles.”Imghtrturn2thklaim.Morndrst&blyin¶606hesez:
“Atruefriendissomethingsovaluable,evenforthegreatestnoblemen,thattheyoughttodoalltheycant
ohaveonespeakwellofthemandstandupforthemintheirabsence.Buttheymustchoosecarefully,fori
falltheireffortsarespentonfools(kkrdn2GuruBobnevrrguewth1az1sttheypulludown2theirlevlthentheyb
eatuwthxprience)itwilldothemnogood,howeverwelltheyspeakofthem.Andtheywillnotevenspeakw
ellofthemiftheyfindthemselvesontheweakerside,becausetheyhavenoauthority(thisisthekey~min
18
e),andsotheywillrunthemdowninordertobewiththemajority.”MetGEORGEKcOoTnZABASIS(moun
tsakase4ajustwar(sspndnrulesofcvlizedbhviour(anmnntUSlawyr,Dershowitz,wthapostn@HarvardorPri
ncetonrgueztorturofsuspktsshouldbmadelegl.Hehazbnntrviewdonoztv&treatdwthrspkt(21/12/04.inamaj
orrtklinth‘Age’lastweekndrGaAyImToAnd,whilexprssnhizlongwindd→←2tortur,inthlast¶,shamefullymtig
8dDERSaHlOaWnITZZpointofview.Faktiz→←2torturiznomoram@r4learndrgumentthanwhthrwshould
ornothelpapersnnjuredxthroadside.Xthtimeitneeds2bjustfiedxreaznn(howwordsfit2gthr)itiz2l8.Xngagini
nthdskussionhelreadykntributes→tortur.Thstr@egyofdvok8softorturizprcisely24ceu2makethisknsssion
azifthssuekouldbindoubt.)evnxourveryownHojWoAhRnD(7/1.“lyingrodent”.Ukangivazmuchmuny2tsun
amivktmsazulikeitwillbgr8fullykceptdbutwwillnotbfreedofguiltnorwillworshouldwb4givnxarabs,muslms,
&th3rdO4ourfalsmotivsiniraq)))(c‘Vilnius→Melbourne’p2))hoogaveme2ssaysxhim:‘Moore’sFilmCruis
eMoorsIntoTheBayofBigLies’&‘TerroristBarbariansNotAtTheGatesOfCivilizationButInsideIts
Gates.’ItoldConwrlooknthrghwndowsinppozinwalls@dffrntviewsbutwrsittnback2backinthsamekafé&o
urkoffeeizservdxthsamewaitrss.Ivlenthizbook2HOaLnLdIyS.OnakmpletlydffrntnoteHpointdout2meth@
Faulknerhadsed“Thepast(21/12/04.sum1elssed:“Timeissimplytheyardstickofourseparation.Ifwe
areparticlesinaseaofdistance,explodedfromanoriginalwhole,thenthereisasciencetooursolit
ude.Wearelonelyinproportiontoouryears.”)isnotdead.Itisnotevenpast.”(21/12/04.&hereizmyjournln
try416/12/042pruveit:“Thursday16/12/04.“Dr.MichaelJanson:Haveyoueverthoughtwhatmake
sachampionsportsperson?AstheOlympicsloganstates:theyarestronger,theycanrunfaster,a
ndjumphigher.Butmostofalltheyamazeusbyachievingtheseeminglyimpossible.Thetruecha
mpionsliveoninourmemoriesaslegends.Theachievementsoftruelegendsaresoconsistentlya
mazingthatthesearerecordedinvideoandreplayedtimeandtimeagaintotheconsistentamaze
mentofviewersfromallagesandgenerations.Somehavetheirimagescastinbronzewhilstother
sareinductedintoHallsofFame.Butmostofall,atruechampioninspiresustoachieveourbest.Ho
wmanytimesdowealsodreamforourselveswhatitmustfeelliketostanduponthepodiumasanO
lympicgoldmedallistortoholdhightheWimbledonWinner’sTrophyoryourteam’sWinner’sCup
.(¶)Sportinggreatsalsobringpersonalitytotheirsports.Manywelovebutsomechampionswedis
like.Thosewhoseetheirachievementsinisolationfromtheiradmirersorfailtoacknowledgethe
psychologicalsupportofthecheeringcrowd,andthosewhoarrogantlybelievethemselvestobe
gods,neverachievesportingimmortalityastruesportinglegends.Atruesportingchampionam
azesusbytheirachievements;inspiresustoachieveinourway,butmostimportantly,despiteallt
heirgodlikeachievements,neverlosesthecommontouch.(¶)Haveyoueverthoughtwhatmake
sachampionteacher?Thechampionteacherhasgreatknowledge,canexplainthemostdifficult
ofconceptsinaneasilyunderstoodway,andhasthebestpreparednotesandactivitiesofall.Thetr
uechampionteacherhasthatmagicabilitytoinspire,tomotivate,andtocaptivateourinterest.F
ormanystudentstheirchampionteacherhasthespecialabilitytohaveasignificantlifechangingi
nfluenceuponthem.(¶)Unfortunatelysocietydoesnotawardchampionteacherswithgoldmed
alsorinductthemintoHallsoffame.Howevermanyofushaveourownchampionteacherwholive
soninourmemoriesasatruelegend.Werememberthatteacherforever,notonlyfortheirfinequa
litiesasachampionteacher,butalsoforthesignificantinfluencethattheteacherhaduponourlive
s.(¶)InthinkingaboutthisarticleforESSENCEIookedthroughmyoldschoolmagazines.Iwasstru
ckbytheyounglookingimageofmychampionteacher,MrZizys,standinginthebackrowofthesta
ffphotographatThornburyhighschoolin1968.Hetaughtmeenglishinyears11and12.In1967,I
wasinagroupof30studentswhoweretakentocentralaustraliabymrzizyswhentherewerenoma
deroadsandtheoutbackhadstillnotbeeninvadedbytourists.Mrzizyshasbeenmychampiontea
cherwhoisinmyhalloffameasatruelegend.Hewillforeverbemychampionbecauseheinspired
metolovetheaustralianlandscapeandtoexpressthesefeelingsthroughusingthepowerofthee
nglishlanguage.(¶)Iamsadhowever,becausenowIwouldlovetosaythankyoutomrzizys.WhenI
wasatschoolIthoughthewasagreatteacher,butIcertainlydidn’trecognizewhataninspirational
influencehewashavinguponmylife.Idon’tknowifheisstillalive.Perhapshewouldbeatleast70y
earsofagebynowifheisstillalive.Thereisnowayoffindinghimeither.Itsallabitfrustratingnowso
me37yearslater.(¶)tothoseofyouwhohavemanagedtoreadthisarticletohere,mayIencourage
19
youtothinkifyouhavejustoneteacherwhoisyourtruechampion.Perhapsyoumightthinkabout
sayingaspecialthankyoutothembeforeitistoolate.Ifyoudon’tgetaroundtothis,thendon’tworr
y,championsdon’texpectbigprizes,theyarealwaysextremelyhappywithsomethingassimple
asamedaloracup.Truechampionsaretheoneswholiveoninourmemoriesandbecometruelege
ndsbecausetheypowerfullyinspireusandchangeourlivesforthebetter.”Thrtklwozbrght2my@10
tionxSjTuAlNiIeOtN(1/1.2hoomIgaveSwTaRlUtVeErSrtklOthrginsofthKOkllektion(5/1.namedftrKurtOffe
nburg.Walter(hootellsmeinalettrIrcievd2dayIshouldkonsidrwritin“shortstories”)hooizrsearchnthkllektion
asksIaskmyreadrsth@ifny1haznfoorkomnts2makeonKOwoodtheykum4th.)inthST8LIBERRYOFVICTO
RIAsoitO8s)2doorsdownLocksleyrdhoozdghtrRachelizastudnt@UniHigh.Itizfromherndofyearmagzine.
DrmJiAcNhSaOeNl(4mlyJANmKiOlVeIC)izaviceprncipl@thskool.YstrdyIvztdhim&s@inhizffice4sevrlho
urs.Itwozhghlymotionl.ThnlyprsonIminkntktwthfromThornburyHighizHAdRaRvIeS(4/1.Dave&mekount
d8dthsofstudntswknewoffromtheiryear(ie1968):5roaddths(4kar,1mtrbike);2kncer;1suicide(?)).Itturnsou
tMile&Davehadlivdinthsamestreetazkids&werfriendzfromage5&hadkmpltlylostkntkt.SoIdroppdanssueo
fthskoolmag→hizlettrboxonmewayback2Ivanhoe(←Millerst).Daverangmeinthevnn&IprmisdIdgivhimMi
leskardwthfone&home&workprtklrs2mrrow.Showdthrtkl2DIaCnAdSrTeRaO(25/12.(1/1.all5ofourkids:Mi
chael,K8,Joe,Ben&Danwer2gthrndr1roof4th1sttimein17yrs)&thdayb4ystrdy2LfOrVaEnCkE(1/1.hoorpe
atdhizklaimth@wallknowverythnbuthideitfromourslvz&lsomadethbzrv8ion(wthwhchIgree)th@itizmordff
kult2xplainhow2kkount4ourfeelnsofsepr8nssfromeachuthrthan4thbviousfaktth@wrjoindin2asinglntity)
whnth3ofusdrankl8in2asultrynghtndrthelmtree(26/1.whrwrmeetnupgain2nght4AUSTRALIAday~2talia
ns&alitho(4meitzadayofmournn:1)@thgr8stvilencedun2dmokracyinAUSTRALIAinmylifetimewhnakab
nt(26/1/05~itwasaunilateralJohnWinstondecision(hesaiditpubliclyinthUSbeforehecameho
me)withnoreferencetoanyone.helh&z)dcisiontiedour4tunes2thUSrgardlssofwhrthUShadorwoodd
cide2takeus;2)thoughImnotatypkl(oftvviewn&nwspprreadnvrietybutrthrofthkindwhohazspentalifetravlln
2manyozlok8ions&speakn2ppl)patriotImournthwayHoWARd&hizkabnthavgr@uitslytrnsfrrdasgnfkntpa
rtofAUSTRALIANsovrnty2thUS;3)&Imournthfaktth@thAustralianpublkl8rndorsdthselloutinalektion))on
thkrnrofMiller&Curzonsts(1/1.inwstmelb(26/12nghtwwillbeatnsmokedfshwshd↓wthbeer(Leffewhch(kko
rdn2Vaidas)tasteslikealithobeer)justaztheydoinlithl&)))wthhoomIhadlunch2day.Boughtmngoes2leavin
Millerst4thweeknd.Tookthevan(7/1.klutch(hopeitznotthgearbox!)izgoinftrnly47,000kssoIvgotitbookd→
MelbourneCityToyota419/1azitzstillndrwarrnty(3year)whrtheytellmeifitzfromrdnarywear&tearthwarrnty
duzntpply.ButImakareful(norkordofwreknklutchs&gearboxz)drivr&thvanduzntkarryabigload&duzmainly
longkuntrymiles.)(washd)→Millerstwththebikensidebuthad2rideback(&earlier→town4thlunch)wthoutah
elmetazId4gottnitinIvanhoe.@thmeetnwthMileystrdaywgreed2rzumekontakt(4/1.thsurestwayofdmythol
ogizin)infbuarynxtyear(3/2.gota♪←him2daysjestnwhavaBBQ(march6?)wthDave).Boughtasupplyofgro
gs4xmas(25/12.thrtklxMilewozmynxpktdxmasprznt.Ithazgon2mehead&Imshowinit2very1.Mythanx2Dr
mJiAcNhSaOeNl.)@DanMurphys&dskuvrdth@Cascadehazputoutanewbeerawhite(5/1.called‘Summe
rBlonde’)wheatbeer(1/1.on23/12AndreabghtusabottlofCHIMAIbeer4O$18.Itssed2bmadexthTrappsts&l
astnghtIsleptlikeababyftrgettndrunkonmorofitboughtxmemumazanewyrgift.Maybtheyblessit).Tstdit&its
good.”)Itwouldhavbnagood12nkludemungthbzrv8ionsonpast,prznt&futureonp1of‘Melbourne→Kaunas’
or2putin@thndof‘Vilnius→Melbourne’2sumrizewhtizproblythmaintheme(5/1.SwTaRlUtVeErsezaFnRa
AtNoClEesed“Whenafactisknownthroughtheevidenceofasingleperson,itisadmittedwithout
muchhesitation.Ourperplexitiesbeginwheneventsarerelatedbytwoorbyseveralwitnesses,fo
rtheirevidenceisalwayscontradictoryandalwaysirreconcilable.”)ofthpiece.Evnlessrlvntlyhereiz
astorytoldacenturyftrDantexFaridalDinAttartitldthe‘Simurgh(ThirtyBirds)’.ItellitazrtoldxJorgeLuisBorges
buttrnsl8d←thspansh(trnsl8d←rabkorfarsi?):“Thefarawaykingofallthebirds,theSimurgh,letsfalla
magnificentfeatherinthecentreofChina:tiredoftheirage~oldanarchy,thebirdsresolvetogoins
earchofhim.Theyknowthattheirking’snamemeansthirtybirds;theyknowhispalaceislocatedo
ntheKaf,thecircularmountainthatsurroundstheearth.(¶)Theyembarkuponthenearlyinfinite
adventure.Theypassthroughsevenvalleysorseas;thenameofthepenultimateisVertigo;thela
st,Annihilation.Manypilgrimsgiveup;othersperish.Thirty,purifiedbytheirefforts,setfootonth
emountainoftheSimurgh.Atlasttheygazeuponit:theyperceivethattheyaretheSimurghandth
attheSimurghiseachoneofthemandallofthem.IntheSimurgharethethirtybirdsandineachbird
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istheSimurgh.”……
Thursday9/12/04.DanyoReserve.6.00pm.Nusuallythvanizfacineastkozitswhrthwindis←.Thrrsumvrysri
ousthndrstorms1drnO&Imghtyetshift→spotkloser2thhghwayorMurrayvilletslf.Woodntwant2getboggdin
herewhnImduehome2morrow.ThismornninPortGermeinIwoke2kmpletlychangedweathrkndtions.Itwoz
mild&thsunwozshininthrghabreakinthklouds.ThFlindersRangelookdbeautfulwththfoldzhghlghtdxthslant
dsunbeamz.ThsualSingingHoneyeater(Lichenostomusvirescens)wentthrghafewbarznxt2thvan.Sora
WhitewingedFairyWren(Malurusleucopterus.Race:leuconotus)4th1sttimeinthspotazIwozeatnbrekky.
Therznuthrnewthingthbighausxth4shorinthmainstwhchw1ce1drdOxnbutwhchwozl8rbghtxaskoolteachr
hazbnturnd→kafé.→donthpierazInearlylwayzdob4leavnthtown.@Wirrabarahadakoffee&asteak&ppprp
iegain.@Loxtonreadthpprovrastrong(x2shot)mugoflatté4$3.8t@Murrayville(thpubizflyinaflag&thriz1†th
rdnearthpark)&droveOthtown&sOsabitb4xn2stubbies&kumnhere.Rturnn2ystrdystopik.Itmghtmakemor
sensifthbhuddstssedw&thtangblOwozrl8d2sumptnelsazmrages,rflktionsetcrrl8d2thtangblO.Xptkum2th
inkofititwoodbnonsnskl4thsamereazns(28/12.whatkoodwbmeannx“sumptnels”?)Ioutlinedystrdy.DIaCn
AdSrTeRaOsggstdthbhuddstnotionizsimlr2Platosklaimth@wcthOmprfktlyazshadowzonthwallofakave.
Butitizp8ntth@suchamsuseoflnguageizdzignd2prvideajustfk8ion4thxistnsofntlktualmiddlmen,sprtualbr
okers,priestsetc,flosfrs,&uthrkindsofdsguizedskypilots.Howvrpplneed2BABBL,BURBL,BLEAT,TWITT
R,R@NLIZE,&SING2gthr&itiznottheirtask,nordotheyhavthtime,2dknstruktlnguage→itsbasikkon
sttuents2thpointwhritloozezmeann(whrthriznlygsture)azIdo.Azapersnhoozjobitiz2teez&terrrizelngu
ageIpleadthismuch@least:IHAVNOTPRVIDEDJUSTFK8NS4JDICIALKILLN,4JUSTWARS,4D10TIO
NOFRFUGEEZ&THEIRCHILDRN(1drifthguysonthroofofthgym@thBaxterd10tion ‫ٱ‬srvivedthstormswh
chwerrportdinPortAugusta2day;Inoticetheyrpleadnddntmakeitin2th‘Australian’newsppr),NOR4KILLNN
DRTHGUIZEOFKOLLATRL,PRMPTVSTRIKE,ORSLFDFNS,NOR4TRTURWTHNTHBOUNDSOFNT
RN@IONLRULESORINNYWAY.Irmainapcifist(longrumblofthundrwhchhazsetoffthRufousWhistler(Pac
hycephalarufiventris))ndrallOstanceshooznkln8niz2browzongrasslikeahoovdniml(29/12.Imwareof&k
ceptthknsquences)wayfromthlions.OfmuchelsImndoubtdlyguilty(29/1/05.CarlosFuentessedMarquisde
Sadesed”Iamalibertine,butIamneitheradelinquentnoranassassin”.).Ilsowsh2pointoutImnolongrwritnw
ththfeelnofmyh&beinheld(2/1.orazifadskors,ordialktkwozfindnxprssionthrghit;orazifitwozdvlopnasing
lmet4orshadininthdtailsofalargepktureprzntfromthbgnnng(souhavthppearanceth@whatvrnewizwritn(or
dun)ithazlreadybnprdiktdxth1stpiecesputout).InsaynInolongrhavsuchafeeln(knowledge?)Imnotmputina
nysgnfkance2itinth1stplacejustrkordnthfakt).Ihavbn4tun82havhadthlnguage&pprtunity2saywhatIwantd.
IthghtIhadfinshdayearor2agobutInowrlizeth7piecesfromlithol&werancessrypartofit.Ifthriznythnels4me
2sayshldIkontnuewritinitkannlyb,azDERRIDAklaims,th@WRITERSPASSKOMMNTINWAYZTHEY
RNOTWAREOF.Ihopeth@indknstruktnlnguageIdonohurt.IfIhavithaznotbnn10tionl.2mrrowIllbbackinMe
lbourninHsrmswhrIblong.Itsrainn.Thundr.

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