Steven Deavers

Position Paper 1 Eriksons Psychosocial Dilemmas

The topic I would like to cover from the book was Eriksons Psychosocial Dilemma's The reason I found this particular topic so interestin! is because I had a pretty rou!h childhood and had to see more than a few people for different behaviors over the years I was told that my mental and emotion !rowth was stunted as a child due to some of the trauma that I had !one throu!h "y first few years were unstable livin! with my mother and my step father #e wasn't a !ood man $e later found out that he was a felon who had been incarcerated due to the thin!s he had done to his previous si!nificant others child The one that stuck in my mind was takin! a small child of toddler a!e or youn! and throwin! it across the room like a foot ball This was only a small servin! compared to what he did to me and later to my brother and sister These earlier years of abuse I think built a foundations of mistrust that caused the avalanche of misunderstood emotions and thou!hts that followed me throu!h most of my youn! life and I still fi!ht with even today %s I looked throu!h the different parts of this development cycle I could not help but to draw parallels to previous e&periences or thou!hts that I had durin! my youn! life $eather to thou!hts and events that I personally remembered or to thin!s that my friends' family and counselors had told me over the years %nother event that I remember (uite vividly was from the day I was liberated from that hell hole I called a home I had tried to put a pair of pants on and had put one le! on correctly but the other was inside out and could not fi!ure it out for the life of me I was rou!hly four or five at the time "y step father with all of his !reat parentin! skills decided the best coarse of action to handle this situation was to call me stupid and physically reinforce his displeasure with my failed attempt attempt by brin!in! his fist across my eye strikin! me This prompted my !randfather to leap to action #e to all memory of the account flew across the room' and slammed him almost throu!h the side of our trailer home and proceed to !ive him a heapin! dose of his own medicine This was the day that I was free of this home They had known for a while somethin! was wron! due to how (uiet I !ot in certain situations and how scared I !ot when I was told I was !oin!

home or if I thou!ht somethin! I had done displeased someone I could also a!ree that at the time I felt !uilt That their was somethin! wron! with me I also had created to separate personalities to handle the life style I was in )ne stron! self that would stand up and protect me The other lesser self was burdened with all the !uilt that nothin! I did was worthy of any praise "y self esteem was as low as it could be The one personality I had created felt inferior to everyone around him The other was arro!ant as hell *othin! he did was wron! #e was cold' callus and calculatin! It took years of treatment and some medicine to start to put the two to!ether and find a balance between them To start some of the !rowth that had been put so far off track This had also caused me to become alone wolf for many years I wasn't really until about +, that I started to form a stron! support !roup and really put some trust in someone other then the personalities I had created I had hit a point of sta!nation and despair $hile "y development and abilities to cope with these events had been stunted at a early a!e The Situations I was placed in forced me to accelerate down this path *ow at the end when I should be barely in the middle usin! the tools I had developed at the start I spent much of my early twenties depressed and lashin! out at those around me I still fi!ht with some of this today I had to wake up work at for!ettin! the past and take another step forward from thous thin!s everyday and keep workin! at bein! better I can see a lot of tendencies that should have been worked out of my self at earlier a!es in my day to day life I do en-oy a lot of thin!s that are considered childish still and I try to take time to en-oy them I also have to remember that I am an adult and my !oals and challen!es are what they are now and deal with them It is a little bit of a emotionally balancin! act I am also !rateful for all the drama and the way my life has !one thou!h It has !iven me a very uni(ue perspective of seein! thin!s how a child does as well as throu!h more adult eyes as well This is somethin! that will serve me later in life as a parent It is also a reminder that bad thin!s happen but they do !et better if you let them )nce you acknowled!e the issue and understand it you can chan!e it This topic reminded of a lot of the thin!s that I felt throu!h my youn! life throu!h early adulthood and !ave me a lot to think about still today Thin!s that will be a catalyst for future !rowth and development