JOURNEY OUT OF TIME A personal experience: I was born in 1949 and raised in a s all !

ar in" #own in #$e %es# o! Ireland& A# #$e a"e o! #wen#'(one I !o)nd #$a# I co)ld no lon"er con#in)e wi#$ #$e li!e I was leadin"& I was !ear!)l *)s# abo)# all #$e #i e and e barrassed b' ' inabili#' #o co pe#e in#ellec#)all' on al os# an' le+el& T$e Iris$ sc$ool s's#e #$a# !os#ered corporal p)nis$ en# absol)#el' #erri!ied e and le!# e ed)ca#ionall' disabled& In addi#ion, ' $o e li!e was !illed wi#$ #repida#ion and so e#i es raw !ear as #$e ind)l"ences o! ' alco$olic !a#$er were ca#ered #o& T$is was no# a n)r#)rin" en+iron en# !or an' c$ild and os# especiall' no# !or one as sensi#i+el' inclined as I& And so b' #$e a"e o! #wen#'(one I was a wrec-, al#$o)"$ co+erin" i# well b' an a""ressi+e and well an)!ac#)red c$ar #$a# see ed #o !ool all& E+en#)all' ' inade.)acies be"an #o be s#ar#lin"l' ob+io)s and as ' de!ence/ were wea-enin" I decided #o sa+e 'sel! !ro #$e predic#able a+alanc$e o! disas#ers #o co e b' *)s# r)nnin" awa'& I le!# Ireland !or New Yor-, i# was 1901& A!#er #wo 'ears I arried and !or #$e nex# ei"$#een 'ears I li+ed w$a# )s# $a+e see ed a +er' ordinar' and con+en#ional li!e #o an'one obser+in" e& I was co+erin" well, a as#er o! ill)sion was I& T$e reali#' was #$a# no#$in" $ad reall' c$an"ed& I *)s# wen# !ro #$e !r'in" pan #o #$e !ire& I

bl)ndered on& M' wi!e was #oo !ar inside #$e wine bo##le #o e+en no#ice e ( #$is s)i#ed e o-a' as I -new I was a# leas# sa!e !ro disco+er'& 2)#, as is #r)e o! os# alco$olics, $er !or#e was con#rol and s$e was +er' cra!#' a# anip)la#in" ' wea-nesses #o b)ild #$e !alse world #$a# wo)ld pro#ec# $er own de on& And so li!e e+ol+ed in#o a ro)#ine o! #ense nor alc'& %e bro)"$# #wo c$ildren in#o #$e world and, in spi#e o! o)r )#)al d's!)nc#ions, we !o)nd co #$e c$ildren& I wor-ed as a an)al labo)rer in a c$e ical !ac#or' and also pic-ed )p side *obs as a !loor scraper& I disco+ered #$a# I was .)i#e "ood a# ain#ainin" and b)ildin" #$in"s aro)nd #$e $o)se and os# 3a#)rda's I wo)ld be !o)nd a# 4o e 5epo# c$asin" one pro*ec# or ano#$er& I -ep# b)s' and ' an' responsibili#ies -ep# e dis#rac#ed !ro #$e !r)s#ra#ion #$a# was !ore+er clawin" a# ' ind li-e a ca"ed ani al& I #$o)"$# i# was *)s# p)re loneliness, b)# i# was )c$ deeper #$an loneliness as I was soon #o !ind o)#& T$en, in 1991, e+er'#$in" c$an"ed radicall' and in a wa' so )npredic#able as #o re.)ire no#$in" less #$an a co ple#e c$an"e o! li!es#'le& I# was a!#ernoon and I was a# $o e& I was in #$e #$roes o! a do es#ic dra a w$en s)ddenl' I en#ered in#o an experience o! s)c$ co ple#eness #$a# i# le!# e wi#$ a co ple#e awareness o! #$e on "ro)nd in o)r lo+e !or

co

on #r)#$ be$ind all )ni+ersal ac#i+i#'& I #old a !ew !riends b)# .)ic-l' realised

#$a# people will no# accep# s)c$ in!or a#ion wi#$o)# a ra#ional explana#ion& T$en, s$or#l' a!#er #$e e+en#, ' li!e was #)rned )pside down w$en I was dia"nosed wi#$ se+ere $ear# disease& %$ile s#ill ad*)s#in" #o #$is I recei+ed a le##er !ro ' e plo'er

sa'in" #$a# ' ser+ices were no lon"er re.)ired& 5i+orce !ollowed and !inall' I was !ree& Al#$o)"$, I didn/# !eel +er' !ree a# #$e #i e, i# !el# ore li-e ' #i e was )p and #$a# I was "oin" #o die soon& 2)#, no s)c$ eas' exi# !or e& T$ese $appenin"s ar-ed a new be"innin" as I en#ered in#o a .)es# !or #$e -nowled"e necessar' !or e #o )nders#and #$e new in!or a#ion& I $a+e now !o)nd #$e reason be$ind ' !r)s#ra#ion and i#s disco+er' $as indeed s)rprised e& In ' wildes# drea s I co)ld ne+er $a+e en+isioned #$e awareness I a now a##e p#in" #o s$are wi#$ 'o)& T$is in!or a#ion is p)re $ealin" !ro #$e +er' core o! bein" and i# is ' li!e/s p)rpose #o con#in)e re!inin" i# #o clari#'&

T4E E67ERIEN8E
I disco+ered #$a# #$e wa' #o co pre$end #$e experience I recei+ed is #$ro)"$ )nders#andin" #$e rela#i+e concep# #$a# is 9#i e/& I# so)nds $ard, b)# reall' i#/s no#& In !ac# i# is al os# a *o-e, al#$o)"$ a os# serio)s and personal one since we are #$e br)n# o! i#& T$e *o-e is #$a# we lea+e :o+e ;non(ener"'< and bl)nder aro)nd in

i"norance ;ener"'< wi#$o)# reali=in" #$a# w$a# we are see-in" is, and alwa's $as been, a# #$e poin# we s#ar#ed !ro & T$e be"innin" is #$e end and #$e end is #$e be"innin" and in be#ween #$ere is onl' ill)sion& T$e pri=e is ")aran#eed and no a##er $ow we co plica#e o)rsel+es loo-in" !or w$a#e+er answers we #$in- we need, we will alwa's co e )p s$or# )nless we see #$ro)"$ #$e ill)sion and )se i# ins#ead as a process o! eli ina#ion and no# as a eans #o i#s own end& T$e experience I recei+ed was #$a# o! wa#c$in" #$e ill)sion re+eal i#sel!& I# be"an as a "rad)al e+en# ini#ia#ed b' #$e s)rreal obser+a#ion o! e+er'#$in" aro)nd e dissol+in" and disappearin" in#o ' bod'& I did no# !eel scared and as #$e dissol)#ion con#in)ed I $ad a "rowin" !eelin" o! lo+e !or 'sel! and !or e+er'#$in" #$a# was con#in)in" #o disappear #$ro)"$ e& Finall' #$ere was no#$in" le!#, all was )ni!ied and I no lon"er $ad a bod'& I was be'ond a##er in a s#a#e o! lo+e wi#$o)# condi#ion w$ere all was as one& A# #$e #i e, I was s)rprised wi#$ bo#$ #$e spon#aneo)s ease o! #ransi#ion bac- #o ' bod' and #$e #o#ali#' o! #$e experience I $ad recei+ed& I# was si"ni!ican# !or e #o no#e #$a# #$e "rowin" lo+e see ed #o #rac- #$e dissol)#ion o! a##er& I realised #$a# one p$eno enon so e$ow crea#ed response in #$e o#$er and #$a# bo#$ ac#ions were in#er(rela#ed& In s$or#, #$e dissol)#ion o! a##er ca#al'=ed #$e "row#$ o! lo+e )n#il !inall' all #$e )ni+erse was #rans!or ed #o p)re lo+e& I #$ereb' concl)ded #$a#

a#erial s#r)c#)res bind lo+e and #$a# o)r p)rpose in #$is world )s# )ndo)b#edl' be #o release o)r a#erial cons#r)c#s bac- #o :o+e&

8$alice o! :o+e b' 3al+ador 5ali

I en#ered a #i eless o en# w$ere #$ere was no separa#ion be#ween #$in"s& I was os# dis#inc#l' aware o! a !eelin" o! lo+e #$a# increased as dissol)#ion con#in)ed& T$en, i# beca e absol)#e& Nex# ins#an#, I $ear ' wi!e con#in)in" #o rail a# e and ob+io)sl' .)i#e cl)eless as #o w$a# I $ad *)s# experienced& I a an ordinar' person s)b*ec# #o ordinar' reac#ions b)# I did reco"ni=e #$a# so e#$in" a a=in" $ad *)s# occ)rred& I a' well $a+e exc)sed i# awa' b)# so )c$ c$an"e ca e in i#s wa-e #$a# I $ad #o #a-e no#ice as I was ba!!led and ba##ered in#o a new ode o! li+in"& :oo-in" bac- I realise #$a# #$ere were !orces a# wor- ")idin" e #o #$e circ) s#ance #$a# wo)ld enable e #o p)# w$eels )nder #$is new awareness& I realised .)ic-l' #$a# #$e ac.)isi#ion o! !ill(in in!or a#ion in+ol+ed coopera#ion o#$er #$an a willin"ness #o a##end lec#)res and read boo-s& I# in+ol+ed a co i# en# #$a# re.)ired le##in" "o o!

#$e s#r)c#)res I $ad alwa's ser+ed os# dili"en#l' in exc$an"e !or placin" ' sec)ri#' in an awareness #$a# ade no lo"ical sense a# #$e #i e& I $ad #o le# "o o! ' ideas o! pro#ec#ion, especiall' in #er s o! !inancial sec)ri#'& And so, beca)se I !el# #$a# #$e experience I recei+ed was real I $ad #o concl)de #$a# i#s po#en#ial is wi#$o)# li i# and #$a# i# was a s all price #o o!!er in re#)rn& I #$ereb' co i##ed #o see sec)ri#' in

a di!!eren# wa' and I $a+e since pro+ed I was ri"$#& O+er #$e ens)in" 'ears I ne+er $eld bac- as I de+eloped a rela#ions$ip wi#$ 'sel! w$ereb' I !el# #$a# #$e lo+e I

so)"$# #o pro+e was so close #o e #$a# e+en i! I were #o beco e a be""ar on #$e s#ree#s, i# wo)ld be per!ec#& M' pri ar' concern #$en, and now, is #o be #r)e #o #$e lo+e #$a# is ")idin" e ( #$e sa e lo+e #$a# is ")idin" 'o)& T$e in#erac#i+e d'na ic be#ween #i e and s#r)c#)res is cen#ral #o learnin" w$o we are: :o+e is #i eless and a#erial s#r)c#)res con#ain #i e, #$)s, lo+e is li i#ed b' a#erial s#r)c#)res& T$e ra#ionali=a#ion o! s#r)c#)re is a re#)rn #o #i elessness& %e )s# beco e as a seed #$a# no lon"er $as #o "o o)# beca)se i# now -nows #$a# all is alread' wi#$in&

All a#erial s#r)c#)res are !or s o! #$in-in"&