{40}{160}Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org {1470}{1515}- We shouldn't be doing this, Dex.|- Trust me. It's going to be over soon.

{1710}{1740}There's Ed. {1815}{0}Hey! {1845}{0}- Bill, this is my wife, Beth.|- Nice to meet you. {1905}{0}Dex, you remember Bill?|Back at the seminar? {1935}{0}Yeah, yeah. Good to see you. {1980}{0}Would you excuse me for a second? {2010}{0}- Sure.|- Don't leave without saying good-bye. {2040}{2070}- I won't.|- All right. {2325}{2355}Chris? {2385}{0}I almost didn't recognize you.|Looks like you put on one or two pounds. {2445}{0}Yeah, one or two hundred. {2490}{0}Wow. {2520}{0}I think it's-- Wow.|It's cool that you became a priest. {2595}{0}Do you mind? {2625}{0}Oh, yeah, sorry, man. {2670}{0}I thought about being a priest.|Maybe not Catholic, like Episcopalian. {2715}{0}They can have sex. {2745}{0}I'm really not comfortable|talking here. {2805}{0}Right. I want to say|that it's cool you get to... {2865}{0}hang out with God all day. {2895}{0}I don't exactly hang out with God. {2955}{0}I teach. I counsel.|I work with the homeless. {3000}{3030}Yeah, absolutely. {3045}{3105}I think it's great that you do|God-related activity all day long. {3180}{0}- Moral turpitude?|- Yeah. {3210}{0}Would ever consider being a priest. {3255}{3300}Actually, I was accepted|to divinity school. {3315}{3330}Really? So what happened? {3345}{0}Like St. Augustine said... {3375}{0}" Lord, give me chastity and virtue,|but not just yet." {3435}{0}I guess some people never change. {3480}{3525}- Take care.|- All right. {3585}{0}Oh, my God. {3615}{0}I can't believe how much weight|he's gained. {3660}{0}I can't believe you went out with him. {3690}{0}He wasn't fat then. {3735}{3780}He could be really nice sometimes. {3795}{0}- Nice?|- Yeah. {3810}{3855}You slept with him, didn't you? {3870}{3900}I might have. {3915}{0}I have a confession to make. {3960}{4005}- Oh, my God.|- You're kidding. {4140}{0}- What are you doing?|- He's hiding. {4185}{0}- From who?|- From everyone. {4215}{0}Maggie, you were right.|No one noticed I gained any weight. {4290}{0}Come on, Dex.|You were the King here. {4335}{0}- You were Elvis.|- Yeah, well, now I'm fat Elvis. {4395}{0}Hey, babe, what's goin' on? {4425}{0}- Here you go.|- Thanks. {4455}{4470}You're welcome. {4545}{4575}- Long Island iced tea, please.|- Sure. {4710}{4740}All right. I have to confess. {4755}{0}I don't know exactly what that is.|I'm not really a bartender. {4815}{0}- I am actually a student here.|- Really? What are you studying? {4860}{0}- Philosophy, religion.|- Cool. No problem. {4905}{0}A Long Island iced tea is like|a survey course in world religions. {4995}{5010}We're starting with the Far East.

{5025}{0}You get Hinduism. You get Taoism. {5070}{0}You get Buddhism, Confucianism. {5115}{0}We get Zoroastrianism. {5145}{0}Did you know Zoroastrians|consider dogs the equal of men? {5175}{0}- I know I do.|- Good answer. {5220}{0}Then you get Islam... {5265}{0}and the sweet twins|of Judaism and Christianity. {5325}{0}Then we come, voil, to the lone|contribution of Western Civilization... {5385}{0}the Coca-Cola. {5430}{0}And bubble it altogether. {5460}{5505}Voil. Long Island iced tea. {5520}{0}So does this type of thing usually|work on young philosophy students? {5565}{5610}I don't know.|Did it work on you? {5670}{0}Even though I try so hard|Try so hard, I do {5715}{0}Even though I try so hard|Try so hard, I do {5775}{0}If I could only wish|I make you rock harder {5835}{5895}If I could only wish|I make you rock harder {5925}{5955}It's something I hate {5970}{0}You're so 1988 {6030}{0}It's always something I hate {6075}{6120}You're so 1988 {6135}{6195}So 1988, oh, yeah {6300}{0}- That was so great.|- Thanks. {6300}{0}- That was so great.|- Thanks. {6330}{0}Dex, do you know Syd?|Syd, this is Dex. {6375}{0}Actually, no, we haven't met. Hey. {6405}{6450}Actually, we have. {6465}{6510}Really? Oh, yeah. {6525}{6540}Wait. {6585}{6630}We were in|Bennet's Kierkegaard class. {6645}{0}- Are you sure?|- Pretty sure I was there. {6675}{0}-Really?|-Must have made a big impression on you. {6720}{0}I never listened to anybody|but myself in that class. {6780}{6825}- Man--|- Yeah, I remember that. {6855}{0}- Hey, Jeremy!|- What's going on? {6885}{0}- I wondered if you'd be here.|- I hoped you'd be here. {6930}{0}Do you guys know Jeremy?|Maggie, Rick, Dex. {6990}{7020}- This is Dex.|- How are ya? {7050}{0}I'm getting a refresher.|Anyone want anything? {7080}{7110}- I'm cool.|- Okay. Cool. {7200}{7260}Bye. Okay, I'll see you guys later. {7275}{0}Torture's over. We're going. {7320}{7350}Thank God. {7365}{0}- It wasn't so bad, was it?|- Oh, God. {7395}{0}- You'll live to tell.|- Why did I come? {7440}{0}I'm going to be here on the 25th.|I'm going to camp out for 15 and wait . {7500}{7560}- You're not making it 25 years.|- See you tomorrow. {7590}{0}- Dex?|-Jill? {7620}{0}Hey! What's up? {7650}{0}- Tell me how you've been.|- I've been really good. {7725}{0}- How have you been?|- Good. {7740}{7815}- Have you become the Speaker of the House yet?|- No actually, I'm a forensic anthropologist. {7845}{7860}- Whoa.|- Yeah. {7950}{0}Peanut, peanut butter {7995}{8010}Now we jump up and down. {8055}{0}Scream it out this time.|Peanut, peanut butter {8100}{0}- You're fat.|- Oh, great. {8145}{0}Thanks for noticing.

{8190}{8220}Thank you. {8955}{8985}Yeah. Nice. {9015}{9060}Oh, yeah! {9090}{9135}That was beautiful! {9150}{0}Great shot! {9165}{0}You kissed that like|you kiss your mama. {9195}{0}- Very Steve.|- Soft and sweet. {9240}{0}Can I borrow your truck|for a few days? {9270}{0}- What happened to your motorcycle?|- It's got a broken infarculator. {9315}{0}Hate when that happens. {9345}{0}They say it's going to take ten years|to get a new part. {9390}{0}Can I borrow it or not? {9420}{0}- I don't know.|- Why not? {9450}{0}Syd's staying with us for a few weeks.|We said she could use the truck. {9510}{0}Syd? Wait. How am I|supposed to get to work? {9555}{0}Walk. {9570}{0}Yeah, man, you can walk. {9630}{0}So, Dave, I hear you got a honey|lined up this weekend. {9660}{0}Bro, I'm so full on amped|about this chick, man. {9720}{0}- You're already dead in the water.|- He's right. {9765}{0}- You're roadkill.|- What are you guys talking about? {9825}{9870}- Do you want to have sex with her?|- Definitely. {9885}{0}Then you're violating|the first rule of being Steve. {9915}{9960}- Who?|- Learn to eliminate your desire. {9975}{0}- It's Buddhist.|- I think the Taoists said it first. {10005}{0}Are we going to have a seminar,|or are we going to play golf? {10050}{0}Just a short seminar on|the elimination of desire, okay? {10080}{0}If you're out with this girl and even|think about getting laid, you're finished. {10140}{0}'cause women can smell an agenda|like shit on a shoe. {10185}{0}Are you saying I have a better chance of|getting laid if I try not to get laid? {10260}{10305}It's kind of like a Zen koan. {10365}{0}What's a Zen koan? {10395}{10440}I'm serious. What's a Zen koan? {10455}{0}Look at me, okay? {10470}{0}Technically I shouldn't be|getting laid, but I do. {10500}{0}Do you know why, Dave? {10530}{0}Because when I'm hanging out with a woman,|that's all I'm doing is han ging out... {10590}{0}talkin', listenin'. {10605}{0}I'm not thinking about|how to get in bed with her. {10650}{0}This completely confuses them,|because they're saying... {10695}{0}"Wait a minute . I'm so much better looking|than this guy. Isn't he at tracted to me?" {10770}{0}The basic principle: We pursue that|which retreats from us. {10830}{0}- It's from Heidegger.|- Groucho Marx said the same thing. {10875}{10950}Act like a woman can't join your club,|and she'll do almost anythi ng to get in. {11085}{0}You've got so many great books. {11115}{0}Better to seduce you with. {11160}{0}What? {11190}{11235}All the better|to deduce the truth with. {11280}{0}Those were great margaritas. {11325}{0}My last date we had pizza|and a six-pack. {11370}{0}Whoa, Julie, I don't know|if I'd call this a date. {11415}{0}Really? {11430}{0}Dating is so tricky. That's all.|I mean, you're really cool. {11490}{0}You have a great personality.|I just don't want to-{11535}{0}I just don't want to mess up|our friendship.

{11565}{0}Friendship? We just met. {11610}{11655}Better safe than sorry. {12750}{12810}- What are you doing?|- Gluing. {12840}{12900}Okay. What are you gluing? {12945}{0}I'm going to have|to go with cardboard. {12975}{0}Do the glue and cardboard|together have a larger purpose? {13035}{13065}Do they need to have|a larger purpose? {13080}{0}Maybe I need them|to have a larger purpose. {13110}{13155}Okay, then for you,|it's a model of a set I'm doing. {13170}{0}Okay. A set of steak knives? {13200}{0}A set of Julie Andrews plates|on the Bradford Exchange? {13260}{0}Set, as in stage, job, opera. {13320}{0}Oh, my God. I get it!|You're the set designer for the opera! {13365}{0}You're good. {13395}{0}We've got to talk about that truck. {13440}{0}Oh, yeah, actually,|I made a schedule on my computer. {13485}{13530}- Oh, well, how Marcia Brady of you.|- Oh, thank you. {13560}{0}I think I should get the car on Tuesdays and Thursdays|since you don't work those days. {13605}{0}- I do other things.|- I'm sure you do. {13650}{0}Anyway, you go to work at 7:45|and get off at 3:00, correct? {13725}{0}- Aye, Captain.|- Okay. {13755}{0}I go to work at 8:00|and get off at 4:00. {13800}{0}So either you drop me off at 7:30,|so you can get to school on time... {13845}{0}in which case I have to wait around|for half an hour or-{13875}{0}Or you drop me off at 7:45, meaning|I have to wait around for an hour. {13935}{13965}I suggest we alternate|every other day to be fair. {13980}{0}We should really alternate|every second day to be fair... {14025}{14070}because you only wait half an hour|and I have to wait for a full h our. {14160}{0}Or every other day is cool. {14205}{14235}Great. {14250}{14295}Great, now that's settled-{14355}{0}I wanted to say that... {14415}{0}I'm really sorry I didn't|recognize you at the reunion. {14460}{0}Don't worry about it. {14490}{0}So when did you start banging|on the old skins? {14550}{0}When I was nine. {14580}{0}I wanted to be one of|Josie and the Pussycats. {14625}{0}Josie and the who? {14655}{0}Oh, my God. {14670}{14715}You're kidding, right? {14760}{0}Tricked you. I had Josie and|the Pussycats stickers on my lunch box. {14820}{0}- No way. Me too.|- Hold on. {14850}{14910}- I bet you don't remember the Bugaloos.|- Oh, my God! {14925}{14970}I'm sorry. It's just that nobody I know|remembers the Bugaloos. I love them! {14985}{15030}How can you not love a British rock band|consisting of four teenag e bumblebees? {15075}{0}- What's this?|- Well, Dex is cooking us dinner. {15135}{15150}Oh, yeah? {15180}{15225}- Mango mahimahi?|- How'd you know? {15255}{0}- Can I talk to you a second?|- I'm blanching the butter. {15300}{15330}Okay, Martha Stewart,|when you're done. {15375}{15405}Will someone please|watch the butter for me? {15510}{0}- Mango mahimahi?|- What about it? {15570}{0}Your life isn't complicated enough,|sleeping with a married woman? {15600}{0}Now you got to start|hitting on my wife's friend? {15645}{0}I mean, she's staying|at my house, guy. {15690}{0}So this is about you|and your comfort level?

{15750}{0}I'm sorry.|You're not here to hit on Syd? {15810}{15855}Dude, I came over to make a schedule. {15885}{0}All right, look.|Just don't pull a Steve on Syd. {15960}{0}Don't worry about it, man. {16005}{16020}All right. {16035}{0}But I think seriously most people|want a composite of the opposite sex . {16095}{0}You gals aren't ever going|to find Antonio Banderas... {16140}{16170}with the personality|of Fred MacMurray. {16185}{0}I'm never going to get Raquel Welch|with the personality of Lucille Ba ll. {16230}{0}- What's wrong with just Lucille Ball?|- What's wrong with just Raquel Welch? {16290}{0}Amen! My biggest fear is that|I'm going to marry the woman... {16350}{0}I want to hang out with|and talk to in my golden years... {16395}{16425}but I'd die in some fiery car crash|when I'm 40... {16440}{0}and then I miss all those good years|of having sex. {16470}{0}So don't get married. {16500}{0}Barring some terrific advance|in medical science... {16545}{0}that would allow you to splice|Lucille Ball with Raquel Welch... {16590}{0}what do you look for in a woman? {16620}{0}Low standards. {16650}{0}- She'd have to be thin.|- You wouldn't date a heavy woman? {16695}{0}- No way.|- I am a faddist. I admit it. {16740}{0}I'm the worst kind of faddist.|I'm a fat faddist. {16800}{0}Scandalous. {16815}{16845}Would you ever date a fat guy? {16860}{0}Sure, I would. {16875}{16905}Have you? {16950}{0}- No.|- I rest my case. {17010}{0}But you've never been happy|with any women you've dated. {17055}{0}That's male insanity syndrome. {17085}{0}You're with a woman|and no matter how cool she is... {17145}{0} you're always thinking,|"Maybe I could do a little better." {17190}{17220}- Maybe I could trade up somehow.|- Trade up? {17250}{0}Don't look at me. I think you're|the sun, the moon and the stars. {17295}{0}Dex is just bitter|because he's never been in love. {17325}{0}I love my dog. {17370}{17400}Very moving.|Very happy for you. {17430}{17490}- Hi, guys. Am I early?|- We should get going. We'll be late. {17520}{0}- Where are you going?|- To hear friends of mine in a band. {17565}{0}Don't forget tomorrow, 7:30,|I'll pick you up. {17610}{17640}7:30 sharp. {17655}{17685}Bye. See you guys. {17715}{17745}- See you later.|- Bye. {17895}{0}Hey! {17925}{0}Clearly I'm going|to need my own transportation. {17955}{18000}I'm almost ready. Come on in. {18060}{0}- Oh, guys. Matt, this is Syd.|- Hi. {18120}{0}Chris, Syd. {18135}{0}- Dave, Syd.|- Hi. {18180}{18225}Come kick back in here.|I'm just going to change real quick. {18330}{0}Astro, this is Syd. {18375}{0}Astro, you want the ball?|Want the ball? {18420}{0}- Go get the ball.|- Cute. {18465}{18495}One second. {18780}{18825}Would you describe this|as a typical morning for you? {18840}{18915}Hell no. Usually I spend|this time cross training. {18930}{18960}So you smoke pot for breakfast. {18975}{0}You work part-time and you--

{19020}{0}Have limited potential? {19050}{0}No, just the opposite.|You were the smartest guy in school. {19125}{0}Oh, yeah, but now? {19170}{0}- I don't know. Don't you ever--|- What? Don't I ever what? {19230}{19290}- Nothing. It's none of my business.|- Really. Whatever. Don't I e ver what? {19320}{0}Don't you ever want|to do more with your life? {19380}{19440}Like climb a tree,|learn a foreign language? {19455}{19500}Or-- I don't know--|get a full-time job? {19515}{0}Doing stuff is overrated.|Like Hitler, he did a lot. {19560}{0}But don't we all wish he would have|just stayed home and gotten stoned ? {19590}{19650}I see. So your only options|are to get stoned or commit genocide? {19665}{0}Lao-tzu said, "The sage, because|he does nothing, never ruins anything . " {19740}{0}That sounds like a life|full of passion and excitement. {19785}{0}Buddha said, "Passionlessness|is the best of virtues." {19860}{0}And the Pillsbury Doughboy said,|"Eat me when you're ready." {19920}{0}Did he really? {19935}{19950}I wanted to see|if you were listening... {19965}{0}or if you were giving me|bullshit slacker routine. {19995}{0}Why is it that the good|old-fashioned America slacker... {20040}{0}gets no respect for his detachment,|but the Buddhist monk does? {20085}{0}Somehow I don't think your detachment|is the same self-willed... {20130}{0}self-disciplined detachment|of the Buddhist monk. {20160}{20220}What do you think? You think all|Buddhist monks are like the Dalai Lama? {20235}{0}You don't think there are guys in Nepal|who are, like, "What should I do? {20280}{0}Should I carry packs of heavy shit for|Westerners to the top of the ba se camp of Everest? {20340}{0}Or should I stay down here in Kathmandu and chant all day|and check ou t chicks and pretend to be holy?" {20415}{0}Why is everything cooler|when it happens in a foreign country? {20475}{0}- Why, Zach, why?|- Because! {20505}{20565}Because. Because. Period.|The face of the Buddha. {20580}{20625}The Buddha belly.|Would you like to rub the belly? {20640}{0}No! God! Don't rub.|You'll hit. Okay. {20670}{0}- So I'll pick you up around 4:30?|- No, I have a ride today. {20730}{20775}So don't worry about it.|Today's cool. {21210}{21255}Do you want to make love? {21315}{21360}- What's wrong?|- Nothing. It's-{21405}{0}I'm sorry. It's just that phrase. {21435}{0}What? What phrase, making love? {21465}{0}It just reminds me of that... {21510}{0}incense you buy at convenience stores|with this airbrushed couple. {21570}{21615}I mean, I'm sorry. {21645}{0}What? {21675}{21720}If I wasn't married,|would you still be with me? {21735}{0}- But you're married.|- Yes, but let's say I was single. {21780}{21840}- You're not single.|- I've been thinking about leaving Ed. {21855}{21885}But I, you know, I, I-{21900}{0}I just don't get it. I've been|hanging out with girls my whole life. {21945}{21990}You'd think I'd understand them|by now, right? {22005}{22065}- Your sisters don't count.|- Very funny, man. {22095}{0}I'm serious, if you hang out with women as friends,|you're doing your research in the wrong library. {22170}{0}What's wrong with being friends|with women? {22200}{0}Nothing! But getting out of that category of friend|is harder than get ting out of Alcatraz.

{22275}{22320}You told me not to be lustful. {22350}{22365}Yeah. {22395}{0}It doesn't make any sense. I'm not|supposed to come on to a girl, righ t? {22455}{0}But I'm not supposed|to be her friend either? {22485}{0}Back up. In this particular instance,|were you desireless? {22560}{22605}Man, I tried,|but she was just so hot. {22620}{0}Dude, you didn't make|a pass at her, did you? {22665}{0}Sort of. I sort of made a move. {22695}{0}I put my hand|over there or something. {22740}{0}- What happened?|- She said she felt it was too soon. {22800}{0}of course she did! You've got|to learn to hang out with a woman... {22860}{0}without groping her|within the first ten minutes. {22905}{0}This takes us to the second rule|of being Steve. {22950}{0}You have to do something excellent|in her presence... {22980}{0}thus demonstrating|your sexual worthiness. {23025}{0}Something excellent. {23070}{0}Yeah, man. You can't just say,|"Hey, I'm Dave. I like smoking pot. {23130}{0}I like reading the sports page|on the john. Want to have sex with me?" {23175}{0}What if you're not excellent|at anything? {23220}{0}-Then you got a bigger problem picking up women.|-Come on, I'm serious ! {23265}{0}I'm pretty serious too.|Everybody's good at something. {23310}{23340}Figure out what|you're excellent at. {23355}{0}I'm an excellent camper! {23385}{23445}Wonderful, but you can't camp|in front of a chick. {23460}{23490}What are you excellent at? {23565}{23595}These cards-- These cards suck. {23625}{23655}But... {23670}{23715}I'm going to put in two crayons. {23745}{0}Cool! I have an ace. {23775}{0}How are you doing, buddy?|You got something up your sleeve, pal? {23850}{0}- Now what?|- What now? {23880}{0}Well, what now is that we show everybody|what we got and we see who wi ns. {23970}{23985}Cards down. {24015}{0}That's good. That's very good.|You got two pair. {24075}{24135}And that's very good,|but I've got three kings. {24150}{0}- Crayons! I win all the crayons!|- No, I win all the crayons. {24210}{0}I win all the crayons! {24240}{24285}I hate people who gloat, but-{24300}{0}The winner. I get your crayons|and your crayons and your crayons. {24330}{0}There's a lady at the door. {24375}{0}- Where?|- Right there. {24390}{0}- Hi, lady at the door!|- Hi, lady at the door! {24450}{0}Hi, guys. {24465}{24510}- Do you wanna play?|- Sure. Thanks. {24525}{24555}Well, come on down.|Bring your crayons. {24630}{0}You sure you don't mind|giving Corey a ride? {24660}{0}Oh, God, don't be silly. {24690}{0}Actually, I was thinking of going to Baskin-Robbins,|but you probably don't want to go. {24765}{0}What? {24780}{24825}Baskin-Robbins! Ice cream! {24870}{0}You know when|your mom makes sloppyjoes... {24900}{0}and she puts all the sloppy stuff|in the middle of the bread... {24945}{0}and it spills out everywhere? {24975}{0}I feel like the sloppy stuff. {25020}{25035}Anybody want a kiss? {25065}{0}An ice-cream kiss.

{25095}{25125}- What's that?|- Let me show you. {25170}{0}See. Now you can taste my ice cream,|and I can taste yours. {25230}{0}- Chocolate.|- Cool. {25260}{0}This is cool. {25275}{25335}Can I have a kiss? {25365}{25395}An ice-cream kiss! {25440}{25470}The Three Musketeers! {25515}{25545}- Bye!|- Bye, buddy. {25575}{0}Shoot! I left some work at the opera.|Do you mind if we swing by so I can pick it up? {25650}{25680}- No problem.|- Okay. {25800}{0}- Wow.|- It's pretty cool, huh? {25845}{25875}It's very cool. {25935}{25980}Sorry. Sorry. I got it. {26130}{26145}Avastye, walk the plank. {26160}{0}Who is this, Cortez? {26190}{26235}That's Don Giovanni. {26265}{0}Hence, the opera. {26295}{0}Did you know Kierkegaard|was obsessed with Don Giovanni? {26340}{26370}- That makes sense.|- Really? Why? {26385}{0}Because Don Giovanni|was this seducer. {26430}{26460}Kierkegaard wrote a lot|about seduction. {26475}{26490}He wrote Diary Of A Seducer. {26505}{0}He wrote different essays|on things. {26535}{26610}He said philosophy was-- I'm trying|to sound smart now, so just st op me. {26625}{0}- You do that a lot, don't you?|- Yes, I do. {26655}{26685}It usually works|with weak-minded women. {26700}{0}But clearly a superior intellect|like yours doesn't fall for it. {26760}{0}Okay. {26790}{26805}Bye. {26850}{0}So what did Kierkegaard|have to say about Don Giovanni? {26895}{0}He talked about faith. {26925}{0}- In God?|- In other people. {26970}{26985}Elaborate. {27000}{0}You know about his fiance, right? {27030}{0}- Regine Olsen.|- Right. {27045}{0}He was afraid once|she got to really know him... {27090}{0}his whole dark side and everything|that she wouldn't love him anymore. {27135}{0}That's where faith comes in,|because you've got to say... {27165}{0}even though I'm afraid this person is|gonna hurt me, is going to rejec t me... {27225}{0}I'm going to make a leap of faith|and love this person, but he couldn' t do that. {27285}{0}What does this have|to do with Don Giovanni? {27330}{0}Don Giovanni slept with|thousands of women... {27360}{27405}because he was afraid|he wouldn't be loved by one. {27690}{0}Here's a leap of faith for you. {27720}{0}Do you want to go out sometime? {27765}{27795}My friend's having a pool party|this weekend. {27825}{27855}I don't think it's a good idea. {27885}{0}Okay. {27915}{27945}Okay. All right. Bye. {28785}{0}Hey. {28800}{0}Could you make sure|Carmen sees these? {28830}{0}Sure. What about the meeting|with Steve Ramsey? {28875}{28920}- Canceled. I'm going home.|- Good night. {29445}{29475}Are you hungry? {29790}{29820}- Shit.|- Is that him? {30015}{30030}Beth?

{30060}{30090}I'll call you. {30120}{0}- Sorry I'm late.|- Yeah, yeah. Just pay in, Steve. {30180}{0}Thanks, Steve.|All right. Thanks, guy. {30240}{0}Why does he always get a "Hey, Steve,"|and all I get is a "Hey, guy"? {30300}{0}What is this Steve shit anyway? {30330}{0}It has to do with that stuff I was|telling you about picking up women. {30390}{0}- Who's Steve?|- Steve. {30435}{0}Steve is the prototypical|cool American male. {30480}{0}Steve McGarrett, all right?|Steve Austin, Steve McQueen. {30555}{0}He's the man on his horse,|the guy alone. {30600}{0}He has his own code of honor,|his own ethics, his own rules of living. {30645}{30705}He never ever tries to impress|the women, but he always gets the g irl. {30720}{30765}- So who is Steve McGarrett?|- Are you joking? {30885}{0}Okay, man, okay. {30930}{30990}Hawaii Five-0, man. I get it.|Who's Steve Austin? {31005}{31080}Oscar, it's Steve!|She's breaking up! {31155}{31200}It's breaking up! {31215}{0}Yeah, Six Million Dollar Man, okay. {31260}{31305}But the ultimate Steve|is Steve McQueen. {31365}{0}Dude, The Great Escape, man.|The Great Escape. {31395}{0}The Nazis are after him.|He's on the Bimmer, and he's-{31440}{0}He looks up and he comes up|on the hill, and there's the big fence. {31470}{0}The Nazis are going--|Come on, dude-{31515}{0}So anybody who's|named Steve is a Steve. {31560}{0}Steve's not a name.|Steve is a state of mind. {31620}{0}It's a way of living.|Like James Bond is a Steve. {31680}{0}Like Spider-Man is a Steve. {31725}{0}- Michael Jordan is a Steve.|- Touch, right? {31785}{0}So if I'm not a Steve,|then what am I? {31815}{31845}You're a-{31860}{31905}You're a Stu. {31935}{31965}What's a Stu? {31980}{31995}No, come on. What's a Stu? {32010}{0}Don't look at me, man. {32040}{0}It's the opposite of Steve. {32070}{0}Dex doesn't want to insult you.|He just can't help it. {32115}{0}Just think Barney Fife,|Gomer Pyle. {32145}{32175}Jughead. {32190}{0}I'm the opposite|of everything that's cool? {32235}{0}- Don't take it personally.|- Fuck you, man! {32280}{0}You guys are all Steves,|and I'm Gomer-fucking-Pyle, man! {32325}{0}- Screw you guys. Screw you all.|- Come on, Dave. {32385}{32415}Go to hell, bro. {32460}{32490}He'll be all right. {32745}{0}What's that piece of shit|right there? {32790}{32835}Syd's under the impression|it's a motorcycle. {32880}{0}- Does it run?|- No. {32910}{0}But she still thinks|she's going to ride it to work. {32955}{0}Wait. She'd rather ride that|than deal with me? {33015}{33045}Maybe she's sick of being late. {33060}{0}- Do we have any plans Friday?|- No. Why? {33120}{33165}Syd just invited us|to her opening night. {33195}{0}No offense, but guys-{33240}{33255}Guys don't do opera. {33270}{0}Jeremy's going. {33300}{0}Have you ever noticed how at|the beginning of a relationship... {33345}{0}a guy will do just about anything|with his girlfriend because... {33390}{0}the thought of seeing her naked gets him|excited about going to the op era.

{33450}{33495}A, he's not my boyfriend,|and B, maybe he likes opera. {33510}{0}I'm going to tell you two things.|A, he is, and B, he doesn't. {33585}{0}- Let me tell you two things--|- Would you stop flirting? {33615}{0}- What are you talking about?|- We're not flirting! Yuck! {33660}{0}This is really great and everything,|but we got to go, okay? {33705}{0}Yeah, whatever, fine. {33735}{33765}Are we going to do any work? {33870}{0}Hey! {33885}{0}This came for you this morning.|I think it's your infarculator. {33945}{0}Oh, hey. All right, yeah. {34005}{0}Look, I wanted to say I'm sorry|about that whole Stu thing. {34050}{0}Don't even worry about it, man. {34095}{0}- I'm feeling pretty Steve today.|- Really? {34125}{0}I had the best date|of my life last night. {34170}{34215}I think I'm in love. {34230}{34260}I hope you didn't tell her that. {34275}{0}There's a certain order|you're supposed to do things in. {34320}{0}Telling someone you love them|is definitely last in that order. {34365}{0}- When are you supposed to tell them?|- Your 40th wedding anniversary. {34410}{0}I don't see a problem. {34440}{0}I'm going to tell you this|one last time. {34470}{0}You should tattoo it on your dick|so you don't forget. {34530}{0}We pursue that|which retreats from us. {34590}{0}I don't get|the whole retreating thing. {34620}{0}Chicks are like hunters. They want to bag a|lion or a bear, something hard to catch. {34695}{0}Along comes Dave, and you're like|this affectionate little puppy. {34740}{0}You're cute, but you're way|too easy to catch. That bores them. {34800}{0}With chicks, boredom equals death.|You can't bore them. {34845}{0}So now I'm boring. {34875}{0}Dogs don't chase a rock|that's just sitting on the ground. {34920}{0}Maybe some dogs do. {34950}{0}They like chasing rabbits|that dart in and out of bushes. {35010}{0}So now I'm supposed|to be like a bunny? {35040}{0}You're supposed to be|the thing that retreats. {35085}{0}That takes us to part three|of the Tao of Steve. {35145}{0}After you've eliminated|your desire... {35175}{0}and after you've been excellent|in her presence... {35205}{0}then you must retreat, okay? {35265}{0}It's just too complicated. {35295}{0}For great-looking guys,|they got no problem. {35340}{0}They can slide by|on their appearance. {35355}{0}But for guys like us-{35400}{0}Successful hooking up with the ladies|requires a little work... {35460}{0}and a lot of intelligence,|all right? {35505}{35550}Thanks for this thing, man.|It's gonna come in handy. {36090}{0}Sorry. {36120}{0}When's your stupid motorcycle|going to be fixed? {36150}{36180}When the stupid part|gets here, okay? {36300}{36345}I'm a fairy. Can you put|fairy sprinkles in my hair? {36360}{0}Are you sure you're a fairy? {36390}{36435}These are very powerful sprinkles.|I made them myself. {36540}{36555}Okay? {36615}{0}Do you have any glue|we can borrow? {36660}{0}Sure. Yeah. {36705}{36735}Excuse me. {36750}{0}- Here you go.|- What are you doing this weekend? {36780}{0}I was-{36810}{0}This friend of mine is house-sitting|at this big house. {36855}{0}It's got this cool pool and views. We're|gonna have a pool party and b

arbecue. {36915}{36930}- Really?|- Yeah. {37560}{0}Look, men try and achieve success|for one reason: to impress women, ri ght? {37620}{0}That's the only reason|they build companies, write books... {37665}{0}or compete in sports and stuff. {37695}{0}The problem is, if you figure out how|you could get laid without achie ving anything... {37755}{0}then you could lose|your motivation altogether. {37785}{37830}So there's no reason|to get off the couch. {37845}{0}- You want a drink?|- No, thanks. {37875}{37890}I'm going to get one. {37980}{38025}Stop it. Don't. {39000}{0}Couldn't resist my powerful|penetrating stare, could you? {39045}{39105}No, I wanted to tell you|you have guacamole on your shirt. {39150}{0}Yeah, wouldn't want you to make|a bad impression on your date. {39195}{39225}She's-{39300}{0}- Hi, Diane.|- Hi. {39330}{0}Sorry it took so long.|I ran into this friend of mine... {39360}{0}and she was really depressed. {39390}{0}- Is she okay?|- You know. {39435}{39465}She will be or whatever, but-{39480}{39510}The thing was, I was going|through depression a long time ago... {39525}{0}and she was really there for me. {39555}{0}So I figured, payback time.|It's like a karma thing. {39585}{0}- Did you want to go talk to her?|- I wanted to find you. {39645}{0}I'm here with you.|You don't know anybody here. {39690}{39750}I'll be fine.|You should go talk to your friend. {39900}{0}- How are you?|- Good. {39930}{0}- How are you?|- Okay. {39960}{0}- Who's this guy?|- It's a she. I just got her. {40005}{40035}- Hey, girl, how are you?|- Come on. Say hi. {40050}{0}- Come here.|- Come here, sweetie. {40080}{0}Hi, girl. {40095}{0}How are you? {40125}{0}Oh, my God! Hello!|What a little boodgie! {40185}{0}- Cute, isn't she?|- Yeah. Is she yours? {40230}{0}- Yeah.|- Do you know each other? {40260}{0}- No, actually--|- Hi. {40290}{40335}- I'm Syd. Hi. Nice to meet you.|- Syd, Beth. {40350}{40410}I was looking for you guys.|Hey! Hey, Dex. {40425}{0}Hey, dog. It's Beth's. {40470}{0}I got some friends here from work|I'd like you to meet. {40515}{0}- Sure.|- All right. Take care. {40545}{0}- It was nice to meet you.|- You too. {40560}{0}Talk to you. {40590}{40620}- You be around for a while?|- Sure. Bye. {40725}{40755}So, are you going to go swimming? {40770}{40845}Huh? Oh, no. I mean, I'm|a non-swimming, non-naked kind of guy. {40860}{0}"Say no to nudity."|That's my motto. {40890}{0}Really? 'Cause I would have|pegged you for, like, a naked person. {40935}{40965}Definitely not a naked person.|Are you kidding? {40980}{0}I don't even let|my cats see me naked. {41010}{0}- Really?|- Really. {41025}{41055}That's weird. {41085}{41100}What? {41220}{41265}Glitter from school.|We were doing collages yesterday... {41280}{41340}with feathers and glue and-{41400}{0}This is really|a beautiful place. {41445}{0}So I thought there's no way|she's going to be here today, so--

{41520}{41565}I was going to swing by,|you know, but-{41580}{0}You still got a little-{41610}{0}Oh, that's dry. {41640}{41685}So, where's your friend? {41700}{0}Huh? Oh, yeah. Well-{41745}{0}I think I told her that|you were really depressed. {41790}{0}- Why would you do that?|- So I could come and talk to you. {41835}{0}Oh, my God.|Do you ever just tell the truth? {41895}{0}Would it make me a better person|if I was to say to her... {41925}{0}"I'd really like to blow you off 'cause there's|a woman here I'm falli ng in love with. {41985}{0}- Can you find your own way home?"|- What did you just say? {42030}{42075}- Why don't you find your own way home?|- The other thing. {42090}{0}That I'm falling in love with you? {42135}{0}- You are not.|- I am too. {42150}{0}- Are not!|- Am too. {42165}{0}- Are not.|- I am too. {42210}{0}So, if you're falling in love with me,|why are you with all these othe r women? {42270}{0}Oh, come on. {42300}{0}Am I supposed to remain|celibate while I bask... {42330}{0}in the warm glow of|your annihilating contempt? {42375}{0}- Am I supposed to find solace in that?|- No, you're right. {42435}{0}Forget it. That was stupid.|Just forget it. {42480}{42525}What are you-- Are you mad? {42585}{0}Syd, come on! {42615}{42645}You're joking. {42675}{0}- Why are you mad at me?|- I'm not mad. {42705}{0}You sure seem pissed. {42750}{42780}- Come on.|- I'm not mad. {42795}{42855}Are you pissed off because I didn't|recognize you at the reunion? {42900}{0}Was I like a jerk to|one of your friends in college? {42945}{0}Was I a dick to you in college? {42990}{0}Not exactly. {43020}{43050}Did we, like, sleep together? {43170}{43200}No way. There's no way.|I would have remembered that. {43245}{43275}But you didn't. {43320}{0}Pretty romantic, isn't it? {43350}{0}I'm sorry if I hurt you. {43380}{0}But for most of college|I was so drunk or stoned... {43440}{0}I don't even remember|half of what happened. {43485}{0}I know that's not a good excuse, but|look at me. Now I'm a fat fucking pig. {43545}{0}The guy that did that to you|was a skinny arrogant prick. {43590}{43635}Just give me one more chance. {43680}{43710}You should go back to your date. {44160}{44175}What? {44355}{44385}Stop looking at me like that. {44415}{44460}You're acting like|a codependent girlfriend. {44640}{44670}That's the last time. {44895}{0}What's up? {44910}{44985}I just want to tell you I'm not going to do|your stupid Tao of Ste ve thing anymore. {45000}{0}Okay. {45030}{0}It's just that it's phony,|dishonest, and it's not me. {45105}{0}Oh, really? {45135}{0}You think it's more honest|to pretend to listen to a woman... {45165}{0}when you're just thinking|about getting laid? {45195}{0}I think it's more honest than pretending|I don't want to get laid. {45240}{45300}That's the whole point. Don't pretend.|Just really let go of your

desire. {45315}{0}Okay, look. {45345}{0}If I like a woman, I'm not going|to pretend that I don't like her. {45405}{0}I'm not going|to pretend to be excellent. {45450}{0}I'm not going|to pretend to retreat. {45480}{0}I'm just going to be me.|I'm going to be honest and be me. {45540}{0}That's exactly what I want you to be.|I want you to be honest. {45570}{0}I want you to be you,|but the real you. {45600}{0}You're so full of it, man. {45645}{0}Lao-tzu said, When the foolish man|hears of the Tao, you know what he does? {45720}{0}- What's that?|- He laughs out loud. {45750}{45795}I swear you just make this stuff up|as you go along, right? {45825}{45855}So you didn't make it up. {45870}{0}You should read these. {45900}{45945}- Now you're going to give me homework?|- I'm trying to share know ledge. {45960}{0}I really appreciate your help.|It's just this is all a little too hard . {46020}{0}What is too hard?|Not coming on to women? {46065}{0}Trying to be|an excellent human being? {46095}{0}The Buddha left his family,|his fortune, his place in society. {46155}{0}This guy was set, and he wandered down|the road of enlightenment. {46200}{0}That's hard. {46245}{0}I'm not looking for enlightenment.|I'm looking for a girlfriend. That' s it. {46305}{46335}It's all connected. {47010}{0}- I know what you're trying to do.|- What are you talking about? {47070}{0}Just because you fixed my bike,|I'm not going to go out with you. {47100}{0}I just wanted to say|that I was sorry. {47160}{0}Are you sure|that's all you wanted? {47205}{0}Let's just--|Let's forget about it, okay? {47250}{0}Just forget about the whole thing. {47280}{47325}I guess forgetting|is what you're good at. {47385}{0}Oh, my God.|I've just hurt your feelings. {47430}{0}No, you didn't. Apparently I don't have|feelings, so how could they be hurt? {47475}{0}I'm sorry. I just assume everything|you do has an ulterior motive. {47520}{0}Oh, that makes me|feel really good. Okay. {47580}{0}I'm sorry. That was terrible. I-{47640}{0}Thank you for fixing my bike. {47670}{47715}You're welcome. You're welcome. {47925}{48000}We're going camping tomorrow.|I don't suppose you want to come? {48090}{48120}- There will be walking.|- Yeah. {48150}{48180}- And climbing.|- I know. {48210}{48240}- Outdoors.|- Shut the fuck up. {48255}{48270}Are you sure you want to do this? {48285}{48330}Yeah. I love camping. {48975}{0}Are you okay? {49005}{49080}Yeah. I just stopped|to check out this conifer tree. {49110}{0}Okay then. {49140}{49170}The tree. {49530}{0}So, what's the deal|with you and Beth? {49590}{49620}No deal. We're just friends. {49635}{0}I thought I sensed something. {49680}{0}- At the party?|- Yeah. {49710}{0}She was tense because... {49755}{49800}she got that puppy and-{49815}{0}She went to the pound and got|this puppy, and Ed's not a dog person. {49860}{49905}Women like to save things,|and men like to draw boundaries.

{49920}{0}It's like Molly Brown|on the Titanic. {49950}{0}She was saying,|"More people, more people." {49980}{0}But the boat guy was, like, "No."|You know? {50025}{50055}It's just like puppies. {50190}{0}Hey. I was totally|lying back there. {50250}{0}- Boat guys do like puppies?|- I'm sure some do-{50295}{0}But about me and Beth|just being friends. {50340}{0}I knew it. I can't believe|you sold me all that puppy bullshit. {50400}{0}Yeah, but I just admitted|I was lying. {50430}{0}You want points for that?|Besides, isn't she married? {50490}{0}Yeah, but it depends on|your definition of married. {50550}{50610}I don't have a lot of hang-ups,|but monogamy is one of them. {50745}{0}Do you think we ought to leave|a trail of bread crumbs? {50805}{50865}- They'll be fine, Mags.|- All right. {51075}{51105}What took you so long? {51750}{51780}I feel so at home in nature. {51825}{51855}Never again. {52050}{0}Do you guys ever worry|your marriage... {52080}{52125}is an obstacle to your|reaching enlightenment? {52155}{0}Do you ever wonder if your philosophy|is an obstacle to having a life? {52215}{0}Seriously, man. Because romantic love,|for a lot of people... {52260}{0}becomes kind of a religion, you know? {52305}{0}Face it, most people feel|that their personal relationships... {52335}{0}are more important|than their relationship with God. {52365}{0}We should just admit that|romantic love is our national religion. {52425}{0}State religion of America. {52455}{0}I mean, take you guys|for example, okay? {52500}{0}Okay, no judgment, but, like,|what's more important to you... {52560}{52605} your relationship with God|or with each other? {52650}{0}Seriously. I mean,|think about God right now. {52695}{0}Who's snuggling up with God?|Who does He partner with? {52755}{0}Who's putting their head|on His shoulder? {52785}{0}I think He's like|the loneliest dude in the universe. {52830}{0}Why would God be lonely? Millions|of people pray to God all the time. {52875}{0}It's either gratitude|or groveling, like... {52905}{0}" Hey, God, could You|help me win the lotto?" {52950}{52995}Or "God, if You get me out of this|situation, I'll go to church fo rever." {53010}{0}No one ever says,|"Hey, God, how was Your day? {53055}{0}What can I do for You, God?" {53100}{0}Or, " Hey, God, did you catch|Letterman last night?" {53130}{0}- I suppose you talk to God like that.|- Always. All the time. {53190}{53250}- And what does God say?|- He said "I saw Letterman, and it sucked ." {53445}{53475}Good night, Rick. {53490}{53520}Good night, Dex. {53535}{0}Good night, Maggie. {53580}{53610}Good night, John Boy. {53625}{0}Good night, Syd. {53655}{53700}Oh, my God.|Do you ever stop talking? {53865}{53880}Jesus! {53895}{53925}Die! {54210}{0}There was a spider!|There was a big-{54255}{54315}I swear there was a big,|hairy spider in my tent. {54450}{54495}What are you looking at? {54510}{54555}No. No way. {54675}{54735}If any part of you touches|any part of me, I have a knife. {54750}{0}Listen. Apparently, we've been in this|position before, so we might as well-{54810}{0}You cannot talk about that thing|that you have no memory of.

{54870}{0}- Okay?|- Okay, okay. {54900}{54960}Message received.|Zero distortion. {55065}{0}So, this is camping. {55095}{0}Please, I'm trying to pretend|like you're not here. {55125}{0}- Why are you so mad?|- You lied about the spider. {55170}{0}You lied about the puppy thing,|and you're having an affair. {55215}{0}- I did not lie about the spider.|- Did too! {55245}{0}- I did not!|- Shut up! {55290}{0}Oh, you couldn't think|of a better lie? {55335}{0}Why in the world|would I lie about a spider? {55365}{0}You lied about the spider|so you could get in my tent, so-{55440}{0}- So what?|- So you could... {55500}{55530}make a move on me. {55560}{0}You are such a self-aggrandizing,|solipsistic ego queen. {55620}{0}- You don't even know you're--|- Did you say solipsistic? {55680}{0}- I most certainly did.|- I love that word. {55710}{0}I do too. {55740}{0} {55770}{55800}Don't even think about it. {55950}{55980}Solipsistic. {56370}{0}- Are you okay?|- Yeah, I'm all right. Thank you. {56430}{0}- You sure?|- I'm all right. Yeah, I'm okay. {56490}{56520}- All right, then.|- Yeah. Wait. {56550}{0}I think I'm having a heart attack. {56580}{0}- Is this a trick?|- A trick? {56610}{0}Yeah, like the spider in your tent. {56655}{56685}There was a spider in my tent. {56745}{56775}Maggie! Rick! {56850}{0}Okay, you didn't have|a heart attack. {56880}{0}Good. {56910}{0}But you do suffer from|gastroesophageal reflux disease. {56970}{0}Wow! {57000}{0}Otherwise known as heartburn. {57060}{0}That's it? That's cool.|So I could just, you know, change and-{57120}{57165}No, no, no, it's not cool.|It's not great. {57180}{0}- Why? Do I have a tumor or something?|- No, you don't have a tumor... {57225}{0}but you're obese. {57255}{0}It's a serious risk factor for high|blood pressure, heart disease, dia betes. {57315}{0}Please, be candid. {57345}{57375}Do you smoke? {57390}{0}You know, I'll have the occasional|pack a day or so, yeah. {57420}{0}These are serious problems. {57450}{0}You better quit smoking.|You've gotta go on a diet. {57510}{0}That's easy. {57525}{0}I didn't say that changing|your life would be easy. {57570}{57615}But your life does depend on it. {57630}{57645}All right. {57660}{57690}Thank you. {57810}{0}Guy, you're not gonna lose weight|eating peanut butter sandwiches. {57870}{0}- What are you talking about? It's whole wheat bread.|- Dude, it's pea nut butter. {57930}{0}I lost 25 pounds on my pizza diet.|This'll be much easier. {57975}{0}- Why?|- More protein. {58035}{0}That's almost as ridiculous|as your sleeping diet. {58080}{0}- That time I lost 30 pounds.|- You also lost your job. {58125}{58155}Did the diet work or not? {58185}{0}Hey, Beth. {58215}{0}Yeah, yeah, I'm good. {58260}{58335}Listen, I don't think it's a good idea|that we see each other anym

ore. {58365}{0}-Just tell me why.|- Hello! You're married! Okay? {58425}{58470}And I want to have a relationship where|the person I'm dating is d ating me... {58485}{0}just for me and there's no marriage|involved and neither of us is marr ied. {58545}{0}You're right. You're absolutely right.|This is all wrong. {58590}{58635}Right, yeah.|Could you slow down a little, please. {58650}{0}If I left Ed, we could have|a normal relationship. {58710}{0}We could never have|a normal relationship, Beth. {58740}{58785}Why not?|It's Syd, isn't it? {58800}{58845}- Syd who?|- Go to hell. {58920}{58935}Does this side have an air bag? {59040}{59055}Asshole! {59085}{0}- What's all that about?|- Don't ask, dudes. {59130}{59160}Don't ask. {59385}{0}I'm going out with that chick|from Kinko's for drinks tonight. {59430}{0}And I know, I know I've gotta|not have sex with her. {59475}{0}No, man. You've gotta not|want to have sex with her. {59505}{0}Having sex with her is the whole point. {59550}{0}I've gotta not want|to have sex with her. {59595}{0}Right, right. Remember, okay,|both men and women want to have sex... {59640}{0}It's natural,|except we're on different timetables. {59685}{0}Women want to have sex,|like, 15 minutes after us. {59730}{0}All right, if you hold out for 20,|she'll be chasing you for five. {59790}{0}I don't know if I could|hold out for that long. {59835}{0}Dude, you gotta|ask yourself, man... {59865}{59910}do you want to be a Stu,|or do you want to be a Steve? {60120}{0}Good morning, ladies. {60150}{60195}Hello, Cynthia.|How are you? {60210}{60255}How's your day starting out? {60345}{60375}What's up? {60900}{60945}- Who is it?|- It's Syd. {61005}{0}- What do you want?|- I wanted to see how you were feeling. {61065}{0}Oh, I'm fine, thank you.|I'm great. {61095}{0}Do you need anything? {61140}{0}No. No, I'm okay. {61170}{61215}Look, this is ridiculous.|Can I just come in? {61305}{61350}Okay. All right, great.|Come on in. Fine. {61395}{61425}Oh, my God.|Are you okay? {61485}{61530}I'd rather not talk about it. {61545}{61560}- Fine.|- Fine. {61590}{61620}Did somebody hit you? {61635}{61665}Yes. Yes, okay? {61695}{0}Someone hit me. Ed hit me.|All right? Ed hit me. {61755}{0}- You happy?|- No. I'm really sorry that it happened. {61815}{61860}Really? I thought you'd be really happy|because God's punishing me . {61875}{0}- I don't want God to punish you.|- Okay. {61920}{61950}I want to punish you. {62010}{0}Just kidding.|I really am sorry. {62055}{62085}It's okay. {62295}{62325}Did you just kiss my boo-boo? {62340}{62355}Did it help? {62370}{62415}A little.|You might have to do it again. {63330}{0}What are you doing? {63345}{0}I'm going in. {63375}{63390}Wanna come? {63405}{0}Lest you forget, I'm a|"just say no to nudity" kind of person. {63450}{63510}That's cool, 'cause I got|a non-nudity kind of idea.

{63990}{64035}You know what this|totally reminds me of? {64140}{64170}One time-{64395}{0}Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. {64425}{64470}Whoa. Whoa, Speed Racer. {64515}{64575}You know, eventually you're gonna|have to take your clothes off. {64605}{64650}I know.|I'm grappling with that moment. {64695}{64710}Excuse me. {64890}{64905}Is that okay? {64920}{64950}It's nice. {65955}{0}Oh, God. {66000}{0}Did I drool or something? {66030}{0}I don't think so. {66060}{0}Oh, good.|Not that I drool or anything. {66105}{66135}I just-{66240}{0}Do you want coffee|or Cocoa Puffs or anything? {66285}{66330}- I can make some real quick.|- Sure. {66660}{66705}- What's wrong?|- Nothing. {66735}{0}I was just thinking. {66765}{66780}About? {66795}{0}- I'm supposed to leave in three days.|- Yeah. {66855}{0}You knew I was leaving, right? {66885}{66915}I guess I kind of repressed it. {66945}{0}Oh. Okay. {66990}{0}Maybe you can stay in town|for a little while longer. {67050}{0}I can't.|I've got another job in New York. {67095}{67125}Maybe you could come|to New York. {67290}{0}Hey, Dex, this is Julie.|What's up? {67335}{0}- I haven't heard from you in a while--|- Hey. Hey, you. {67395}{67410}How's it going?|Yeah, sorry. {67425}{0}Sorry about that.|I've been real busy lately. {67455}{0}No, I mean,|not too busy for you. {67500}{0}I know I said I'd--|Yeah, I did. I did. I meant to. {67545}{0}I mean, I meant it at the time, but I-{67590}{0}No, it's not like|I don't mean that, I mean-{67635}{0}It's just sort of complicated,|and I can't really explain. {67710}{0}I mean, I wish I-- No. {67740}{0}Hey, hey, I'm a Taoist! {67785}{0}- A what?|- I've gotta go. I'll call you later. {67830}{0}You're the man!|It totally works! {67875}{0}Could we have breakfast somewhere else?|You want to-{67905}{0}- What works?|- The tao of Steve, Dex's rules for picking up chicks. {67950}{0}Dex's rules for picking up chicks? {67995}{68055}- I made a sheet so I wouldn't forget.|- This I gotta hear. {68070}{68085}Oh, God. {68100}{68175}Be desireless, be excellent|and be gone. {68325}{68385}So, you have different rules|for different women? {68400}{68475}Are you still thinking about that?|No. What? {68505}{68565}So does that mean|women are all the same? {68595}{0}This whole thing is like|a universal maxim kind of behavior. {68655}{68685}- It's-- You know.|- Dex? {68745}{0}How are you doing? {68760}{0}Syd, this is Cindy. {68820}{0}- Kelly.|- Kelly, right. {68880}{68910}Syd, Kelly. Kelly, Syd. {68955}{0}- You guys ready to order?|- I just need a sec. {69015}{69045}What's the special of the day? {69060}{69090}Just a sec. {69180}{0}Oh, my God.|I'm the special of the day. {69225}{0}What are you talking about?|Are you huevos rancheros or something? {69285}{0}Well, what makes me different?

{69345}{0}I mean, what makes me different from|any other woman that you've been with? {69405}{0}Lots of things.|Everything. {69450}{0}Why should I believe you? {69480}{0}I don't know. Why shouldn't you?|I mean, fine, don't believe me. {69540}{0}I'm sure you probably tell|every woman the same thing. {69585}{0}Okay, that pretty much limits the|"What can I say now" option I once h ad. {69660}{0}So I might as well--|You know what I'm gonna say... {69690}{69735}or you already|assigned it this kind of-{69780}{69840}Well, you know,|actions speak louder than words. {69855}{69900}What's that mean? I mean, what is--|What's that supposed to mean? {69915}{69960}It means there's nothing|you can say. {70005}{70035}I'm gonna go. {70050}{70065}Why? {70155}{0}- Aces over eights.|- Shit! {70185}{0}- Hurts so good.|- You been kicking our asses all night. {70245}{0}- He's butter. He's on a friggin' roll.|- You guys have no idea. {70305}{70350}- All right, Dave, what happened?|- Nothing. {70365}{0}I think Gomer got laid. {70395}{0}Is this a fucking card game|or a goddamn sewing circle? {70440}{0}Cool your jets. {70470}{0}What's your problem? {70500}{70530}Syd left today. {70560}{0}Hey, didn't Lao-tzu say|something like... {70605}{0}"If you're attached to nothing,|you lose nothing"? {70650}{0}Why don't you give it a rest? {70680}{70710}Sorry. {70725}{70770}Five draw, suicide kings wild. {71160}{71175}I left Ed. {71205}{71235}I see. {71445}{0}I can't. I can't, I can't. {71490}{71520}I can't. I just-{71535}{71580}I can't, I can't,|I can't do this anymore. {71745}{71790}Hey, what's up, Beth? {72135}{72180}- What's up? What are you looking for?|- Do you have any beer? {72195}{72225}Check the lower vegetable thing. {72270}{72300}Hey, so is Beth|upset about something? {72315}{72345}She left her husband. {72570}{72600}What? {72630}{0}What's up? {72660}{0}I was wondering|if I could have her number. {72705}{0}- Whose number?|- Beth's. {72750}{72780}Are you joking? {72840}{0}Yeah. I'm sorry, bro. {72885}{72930}I'm sorry. {73125}{0}- Hey.|- Hey, what's up? {73155}{0}You know all that stuff|I've been telling you? {73185}{73215}- Yeah.|- Forget it. {73230}{0}The Tao of Steve isn't|about picking up lots of women. {73260}{0}It's about being the best person|you can be, and I'm not. {73320}{0}-What are you talking about?|-I've been trying to turn you into me... {73380}{73425}and I'm not sure|I even want to be me anymore. {73455}{73500}Astro.|Astro, come on. {74025}{0}Hey, Dex, it's Syd. {74055}{0}I am just calling from New York|to say hi and-{74130}{74160}Actually, I'm not calling to say hi. {74175}{0}I'm calling because-- You know|that thing that happened in college? {74220}{0}I just left it hanging|for ten years. {74265}{0}And the thing is, I don't want to leave|what happened the other day ha

nging... {74325}{0}so unresolved... {74355}{74385}and everything, so-{74430}{0}So, anyway, I just--|I don't know. {74475}{74505}We should talk. {74550}{0}Sorry. Sorry. {74565}{74595}Sorry. Sorry. {74685}{74715}Just-{74805}{74835}Actually, never mind. {74875}{75275}Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org