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Why Women Have Sex: 7 Surprising
Questions Answered
By Jed Diamond, Ph.D.

Contact: Jed@MenAlive.com www.MenAlive.com

By Alyssa Fetini Tuesday, Time Magazine Oct. 06, 2009

While figuring out what women want has stumped men for centuries,
understanding how they think about sex may have just gotten easier.
Cindy Meston and David Buss, psychologists at the University of
Texas, interviewed over 1,000 women around the world for their book
Why Women Have Sex and managed to come up with 237 reasons,
ranging from the predictable — commitment — to the puzzling —
curing a headache.

Spoiler alert: love may be further down on the list than one might
think. TIME spoke to Buss about the myriad mind games, turn-ons
and turn-offs involved in female sexuality, and what a guy can do to
stand a chance.

1. You co-authored a famous 2007 study "Why Humans Have

Sex." Why focus on women this time around?

We discovered that women's sexual psychology turned out to be far

more complex than we envisioned. [It] deserved an entire book-length
treatment.

2. What differences between men and women did you notice?

There are important gender differences in sexuality, but these must

be interpreted within the context of a high level of similarity. Both
women and men have sex because they are physically attracted to
the person, for pure pleasure, because they are in love, or simply
because they are horny. But within the overall similarity, I'd say
women's sexuality tends to be more linked with love and emotional
bonding. Women, more than men, like sex when there's some kind of
emotional connection. Men were more likely to have sex simply
because the opportunity presented itself. Women tend to be pickier,
especially for short-term sexual encounters. And men are more
motivated to have sex to boost their status among their peers,
although some women in our study also had sex for precisely this
reason. (Read more about the chemistry of desire.)

3. What are the main reasons why women have sex?

The most frequent reasons include: sexual attraction to the person,

the desire for physical pleasure, to express affection, to express their
love for a person or because they were sexually aroused and wanted
release.

Other important reasons are to boost their self-esteem or sexual

esteem, to get revenge, to secure "mate insurance" in case a partner
dumps them, to relieve pain, to achieve health benefits such as
getting rid of a headache — yes, it works — to decrease stress, to
lose weight and as a sleep aid. We devote one chapter to "sexual
economics," which focuses on all the ways in which women have sex
as an exchange for other benefits, such as getting her partner to take
out the garbage, securing free dinners or getting expensive gifts. We
also devote one chapter to what we call "the dark side" of women's
sexuality — when women have sex because they were deceived,
coerced or forced into it. (See photos: "Same-Sex Overtures Across
Species")

4. Any particularly surprising findings?

I was surprised by the importance of revenge. A few had sex in order

to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease. More
commonly, women's revenge sex involved getting back at a cheating
partner, or having sex with the partner of a friend who had poached
her partner. Actually, the frequency of mate-poaching also surprised
me — the frequency with which women try to lure men who are
already "taken," either for a short-term sexual liaison or a longer-term
relationship. Most women have experienced mate-poaching in one
form or another, either as the mate poacher or as the victim.

5. How does evolution explain some of these complexities?

Sexual attraction often boils down to what Darwin called "female

choice." Modern women are the descendants of a long and unbroken
line of ancestral mothers who made wise sexual choices. As
descendants of these successful women, modern women carry with
them the sexual psychology — the ancestral wisdom — that led to
the success of their female forebears. So women find cues to health,
status and protection to be sexually attractive. These are all qualities
that led to better survival and reproductive outcomes.(Read about
teen girls and sex.)

On the competition side, evolution by selection is an inherently

competitive process. It's a cliché that "the good men are all taken,
permanent bachelors or gay." And there's some truth to this. The
number of truly desirable and available men is limited. So women are
in sexual competition with other women for access to the most
desirable men. Modern women are the descendants of ancestral
mothers who succeeded in besting other women in these sexual
competitions.

6. What physical features do women tend to find most attractive

in men?

Body is important to women. Women are sexually attracted to men

with a V-shaped torso, or a high shoulder-to-hip ratio, and men who
are taller than average. Interestingly, women do not like muscle-
bound men, and men misperceive how muscular women want them
to be. The face is also critical. A symmetrical face is a health cue, as
are a good head of hair and masculine features such a strong jaw
and a deep voice. Women generally don't find feminine-looking or
feminine-sounding men to be sexually attractive.
7. What advice could you give to the men out there not blessed
with Michael Phelps' torso and George Clooney's face? What
can they do to stay in the game?

Have good hygiene. Sense of smell is critical. A man who smells bad,
or who has bad breath — that can be a sexual kill switch for women.
Interestingly, women have a keener sense of smell than men, so men
are sometimes oblivious to how bad they smell to women. A man's
scent conveys critical information to women about a man's health
status.

The other thing to note about what women find sexually attractive
centers on cues that convey personality, sense of humor, self-
confidence and social status. These things can transform an average-
looking man into a sexually attractive man in the minds of many
women.

For more information on the book Why Women Have Sex and the
work of Dr. David Buss and Cindy Meston, go to:

http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/Group/BussLAB/

Contact: Jed@MenAlive.com www.MenAlive.com