Title: Alleviating Suffering Word Count: 787 Summary: When we see real and unavoidable suffering all around

us on television and even wi thin our own communities and families we may experience helplessness or guilt. We know that these two responses do not serve others yet we don t know what else to d o sometimes. It may seem particularly indulgent and selfish to focus on ourselves when others are struggling with basic survival. How can we let ourselves get wrapped up in figuring out whether we should go back to school, start a ... Keywords: advice, self-help, compassion, self-judgment, worthiness, love, support Article Body: When we see real and unavoidable suffering all around us on television and even wi thin our own communities and families we may experience helplessness or guilt. We know that these two responses do not serve others yet we don t know what else to d o sometimes. It may seem particularly indulgent and selfish to focus on ourselves when others are struggling with basic survival. How can we let ourselves get wrapped up in figuring out whether we should go back to school, start a new career, or even wh at to do about a problematic relationship while others are worried about having enough food or shelter or medicine? The answer I offer is that it is an illusion to think in such either/or terms. T he truth is that we don t have to and shouldn t choose between helping others and he lping ourselves simultaneously. Why? Because the more we do to alleviate our own unnecessary suffering, the more we are available to help serve others whose suf fering is unavoidable. We naturally feel compassion for those who suffer from pain, illness, poverty, n atural disasters, or political repression and we are drawn to seeking ways to he lp, such as donating money or even our blood. But our ability to help will be li mited by the amount of our self-inflicted suffering. What is the source of this unnecessary suffering? There is an old Buddhist saying that our worst enemy cannot harm us as much as o ur own thoughts. The truth is that our self-imposed suffering is caused by our s elf-judgments. When we tell ourselves that we are unworthy in any way, such as c onvincing ourselves we don t deserve a loving relationship or a great job because we re too fat/old/stupid/bad, we not only are likely to make this a self-fulfillin g prophecy, we will not be able to offer others hope either. We may even surroun d ourselves with people who have the same limiting belief, which will simply rei nforce our unworthiness. If you have ever had a bad hair day, then you know exactly what I mean. You wake u p in the morning and for whatever reason, you don t feel good about yourself. You go out into the world and what happens? No one flirts with you. Or you feel invi sible. Or someone is rude to you, as though your feelings don t matter. The world mirrors back to you in a myriad of ways that you don t look or feel good about you rself.

When we judge ourselves, the world will mirror back this judgment on e think we are unworthy in any way, we will get this reinforced, not world or the universe is cruel, but because we exude an energy that s feedback. If we are mired in self-judgments, we are limited in our be of any real help to others.

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Think for a moment about the last time you were in need of some moral support. W here did you turn to? Probably not to someone who you knew was also having a har d time in that moment, someone who was equally, if not more, stressed. We turn t o those who are capable in that moment of picking up the slack, those who are no t enduring to the same degree or at least not in the same way as we are. So if we want to help others, it is crucial that we alleviate our self-imposed s uffering. But how do we stop judging ourselves? By exiting Courtroom Earth and c hoosing to hang out in Classroom Earth. Courtroom Earth is where we are our own judge, jury, and executioner. Classroom Earth is where we recognize that we are all students learning through making mis takes, practicing, and taking risks. In Classroom Earth, we don t have to defend o urselves. Instead, we take responsibility for our errors, make amends (including to ourselves), forgive ourselves, and move on. In Classroom Earth, we practice new behaviors, ones that are in alignment with who we wish to become, not who we have always judged ourselves to be. Because we truly want to be helpful and alleviate others suffering whenever possi ble, and because we deserve alleviation from our own suffering, we must make a d ecision to choose our thoughts wisely and compassionately. Whatever self-judgmen t you have been carrying around for years yes, that one, the one that never goes a way and you continue to find new evidence for let it go. Be willing to see somethi ng better in yourself. Be willing to let others see something better in you. You will not only free yourself from unnecessary suffering, you will be of greater service to your loved ones and to your community.