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"You've taken a vow of silence, how fascinating. Tell me about it.

" #define struct union /* great space saver */ ((wrong && wrong) != right) (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer 10 PRINT "Waiter, there's a bug in my LOOP": GOTO 10 2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2 ?? Fatal Logic Error - Engage Brain and (R)etry A feature is a bug with seniority. A program is never complete; you just release an update now and then. Anything that can go wro... #@^% Bus Error -- Core Dumped Apathy Error - don't bother pressing any keys. As easy as 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197168. . . Attention! 2 + 2 = 5.2358. Please recalibrate your equipment. Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch! Bad command or filename. Go stand in the corner. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. Be brave: use COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE for your next project. Be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors! Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers Black holes are where God divided by zero. But which one is the fatherboard? C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRASH\DOS C:\DOS\SYSTEM\UTIL\DOCS\HELP\WHERE THE HECK AM I !! C:\WINDOWS; C:\WINDOWS\RUN; C:\WINDOWS\CRASH; DEL WIN\*.* COBOL programs are an example of artificial inelegance. Coming Soon! Mouse support for Edlin! COMMAND.COM couldn't command it's way out of a wet paper bag. Computers run on smoke. They stop when it leaks out. CURSOR: What you become when your system crashes. Daddy, What does formatting drive C: mean? Documentation - The worst part of programming. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS Engineer's mathematics: 2 + 2 approx equals 5 plus/minus 3.8 ERROR #0032: KEYBOARD NOT RESPONDING! Use Hammer? (Y/N) ERROR #0076: Check nut on keyboard Error #0141: Too many errors. Error #0216: Tagline out of paper / Error #1511: Brain Offline ERROR #3214: Operator out of patience! ERROR #34BB: Thought not found: Reformat Brain (Y/N)? ERROR LPT1 not found... use backup - PENCIL & PAPER Error reading FAT Table... Try Skinny one? (Y/N) every write("Bulk Tagline #", 1 to 32767) FATAL ERROR using Mouse: Please bury/replace. File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) FOR X=0 TO 32767 : PRINT "Bulk tagline #";X : NEXT X for ( $i = 1; $i <= 32767; $i ++ ) { print "Bulk Tagline #$i\n"; } for( int i=0; i<=32767; i++ ) printf("Bulk tagline #%d.\n", i); foreach ( 1 .. 32767 ) { print "Bulk Tagline #$_\n"; } How much C could a C + + if a C + could + C? i = 0;loop output = "Bulk Tagline #" i; i = lt(i, 32767) i + 1 :s(loop) I want one of those new Cray palmtops. If it wasn't for 4DOS, we'd be limping with the others in BATPOWER! %&@$%! If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL! Isn't C++ D? / Keyboard not connected, press <F1> to continue. Keyboard not found... THINK F1 to continue. MAFIA DOS.. Ey'What's A Matta You? Wanna Try Again (Y/n)?

Memory error on Brain1 - (R)eboot (S)mack upside the head Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. New Opcode #10: EPI - Execute Programmer Immediately New Opcode #11: CBVD - Convert Blanks to Valid Data New Opcode #12: PII - Perform Intended Instruction New Opcode #13: CRN - Convert to Roman Numerals New Opcode #14: IIRW - Ignore Instructions and Run Wild New Opcode #15: RST - Rewind and Stretch Tape New Opcode #16: PHD - Plow Heads into Disk New Opcode #17: EXP - EXecute Programmer New Opcode #18: BBW - Branch Both Ways New Opcode #19: EIOC - Execute Invalid Op Code New Opcode #1: AAR - Alter At Random New Opcode #20: PON - Power Off Now New Opcode #21: RAH - Ruin All Hardware New Opcode #2: BNA - Branch to Nonexistant Address New Opcode #3: ROC - Randomize OpCodes New Opcode #4: HCF - Halt and Catch Fire New Opcode #5: RRM - Randomly Reallocate Memory New Opcode #6: SEX - Spawn EXec (create child process) New Opcode #7: LIA - Load Incorrect Address New Opcode #8: IPX - Increase Power and eXplode New Opcode #9: BAH - Branch And Hang Old programmers never die, they branch to a new address. Pascal programming is like herding cats. PATH=C:\HELP\NEEDHELP\MOREHELP\SENDHELP\OH_NO\WHOOPS; Path=DeskDrawer;Closet;BoxUnderBed;Bookshelf;GarbageCan; Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. Press any key to continue...except that...not that either...try again! Press the Any key now. Programmers don't repeat themselves, but they DO LOOP. Programming is an art form that fights back. Rate yourself as a programmer on a scale of 0 to F. set I=0^do 32768^echo Bulk Tagline #%I^set I=%@INC[%I]%^enddo Standards are wonderful! So many to choose from! STRING space corrupt? But I always use TAPE! SYSTEM ERROR 1303: POWER NOT ON That does NOT compute. This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, send me $10 To iterate is human, to recurse divine. True multi-tasking! 3 PCs and a swivel chair... / Turn off computer: SHUT-DOWN. Turn on computer: SHUT-UP? Undetectable errors are always infinite in variety. Who is General Failure & why is he reading my diskettes? Yes means No and No means Yes. Delete all files [Y]? You can tell a Unix user by his 4DOS aliases.

!WARNING! COLDBEER.CAN found. Programmer probably loaded again. "Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers "he's just a girly-man programmer".... **====< Real Programmers Practice Safe HEX <====** *REAL* programmers use COPY CON to create Windows apps. .ASM programmers drive stick shifts. A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. A programmer and his mind are soon parted A programmer's work is never done THANKS TO THE LEECHES! A programmer's work is never done. <Sigh!< A real programmer's girlfriend wears a G$. ADA PROGRAMMERS do it in packages AI programmers only think they do it ALGOL PROGRAMMERS block it out APL PROGRAMMERS are functional APL PROGRAMMERS do it backwards APL PROGRAMMERS do it in a line APL PROGRAMMERS do it with stile APL programmers do it in the workspace. APL programmers do it with stile. ASSEMBLER PROGRAMMERS do it one-to-one AWP: Argue With Programmer All programmers are optimists. All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. All programmers want arrays! Assembly programmers do it a byte at a time. Assembly programmers only get a little bit to play with. BASIC PROGRAMMERS GOTO it BASIC PROGRAMMERS do it all over the place BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB without RETURN BELL LABS PROGRAMMERS do it with UNIX BIT: n. unit by which programmers go insane BPIM: Bury Programmer In Manuals BUFFER: A nude Programmer. Back off man! I'm a programmer... Become a programmer - crash your computer for a living! Become a programmer and never see the world!! Before, I cudnt spel programmer; now, I are one. Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers C PROGRAMMERS SWITCH and then BREAK it C PROGRAMMERS SWITCH often C PROGRAMMERS continue it C PROGRAMMERS do it with their nose in a manual. C Programmers do it with models! C Programmers do it with the LARGE model! C program run, C program crash, C programmer cry. C program run. C program crash. C programmer get drunk. C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. C program run. C program crash. C programmer throw up. C programmers do it in a structured manner, sometimes. C programmers don't have the BASIC instincts. C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with class C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with private members and public objects C++ PROGRAMMERS do it with their friends, in private C++ Programmers are proud of their Private Parts. C++ programmers earns money by inheritence. C:\PROGRAM, C:\PROGRAM\RUN, C:\PROGRAM\BOMB, C:\PROGRAMMER\BUY.UZI

CLOSED CAPTIONED IN HEX FOR PROGRAMMERS A0 EF 97 9F B0 4C ... COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it very slow COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs COBOL programmers are self-documenting. COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods COBOL programmers wanted. (quick lighting pref.) COMPUTER PROGRAMMER WANTED -- Some Assembly Required COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it bit by bit COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it interactively COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS do it logically CP: Compliment Programmer CPM: Change Programmer's Mind CPN: Call Programmer Names Caffeine Allocation Error: ROOTBEER.SYS missing, Programmer halted. Caution! Programmer at work. Christmas & Halloween confuse programmers: DEC 25, OCT 31 Cobol programmers are down in the dumps. Code: (n.) a means of concealing bugs favored by programmers. / Coffee not found -- Programmer Halted! Coffee sweetened with NO-DOZ...Programmers petrol! Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit. Computer programmers know how to use their hardware. Computer programmers never die, they compile. Conceptual programmer: One who writes code for the 80686. DEPROGRAMMERS do it with sects DKP: Disavow Knowledge of Programmer DPMI: Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent Dammit Jim - I'm a programmer, not a doctor! Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a Computer Programmer! Do Programmers eat ASCII crackers? Dumb programmers use FORTRAN PROGRAM.FOR EP: Execute Programmer EPI: Execute Programmer Immediate Error 256: Programmer Deleted. FORTH PROGRAMMERS do it from behind FORTRAN PROGRAMMERS do it with SOAP FORTRAN PROGRAMMERS just DO it FORTRAN programmers do it with double precision. Fatal Database Error #10070: Programmer late for work! Female programmers get their bits twiddled. First, we'll kill all the programmers GDP: Grin Defiantly at Programmer GNU PROGRAMMERS do it for free and they don't give a damn about look & feel Good Programmers type copy con Program.exe Hacker: Exceptional programmer. Webster's 9th., 1991 Have you hugged a programmer today? He is no dummy. He is my programmer! I blame the Programmer myself !! I'm a computer programmer for the Amish. I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL. I'm not a programmer but I play one on TV... I'm not the fastest programmer, but I'm the most carefull IMBP: Insert Mistake and Blame Programmer IPM: Ignore Programmer's Mistakes If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer. Instant Programmer: Just add caffine JNL: Jump when programmer is Not Looking JSP: Jump on Sexy Programmer Just a 2 bit programmer on a 32 bit machine. KPR: Kill PRogrammer

LAP: Laugh At Programmer LISP PROGRAMMERS do it by recursion LISP PROGRAMMERS do it without unexpected side effects LISP PROGRAMMERS have to stop and collect garbage LOGIC PROGRAMMERS do it with unification/resolution LPA: Lead Programmer Astray Let the programmers be many and the managers few. Tao of Programming. / MAC PROGRAMMERS do it in windows MAC's Place BBS home of the C & C++ Programmer MACHINE LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS do it very fast MASOCHIST: Windows SDK programmer with a smile! MTP: MounT Programmer Macho Programmers Use Edlin. Make way!, Make way!, A PROGRAMMER HAS ARRIVED!! Managing programmers is like herding cats. Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile! Me hav'em heap trouble. - Tonto the programmer NecroARMicon - dead C++ programmers reference OPP: Order Pizza for Programmer Old programmers never die, they get updated! Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address. Old programmers never die. They just lose their byte. Old programmers never die; they exit to a higher shell. PASCAL PROGRAMMERS REPEAT it PASCAL PROGRAMMERS do it with indentations. PASCAL programmers are better structured. PASCAL programmers are blind - they do not "C"! PLUS PROGRAMMERS cycle forever, until you make them exit PNRP: Print Nasty Replies to Programmer PPP: Print Programmer's Picture PROFANITY: The language all programmers know. PROGRAMMERS cycle forever, until you make them exit PROGRAMMERS do it all night PROGRAMMERS do it bottom-up PROGRAMMERS do it by pushing and popping PROGRAMMERS do it in higher levels PROGRAMMERS do it in iteration. PROGRAMMERS do it in software PROGRAMMERS do it on command PROGRAMMERS do it top down PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs PROGRAMMERS do it with disks PROGRAMMERS do it with their fingers. PROGRAMMERS have: Bigger disks PROGRAMMERS peek before they poke PROGRAMMERS repeat it until done PROGRAMMERS will do it all night, but only if you are debugged PROLOG PROGRAMMERS are a cut above the rest Profanity is the language most programmers know best Programmer (n): One who makes the lies the salesman told come true. Programmer on Computer Programmer's Oxymoron: Spare-Time Programmer: One who is too lacking in people skills to be a software engineer. Programmers "C" it differently! Programmers Use Extended Memory! Programmers assemble! Programmers do it by pushing and popping. Programmers do it in Turbo! Programmers do it in loops. Programmers do it in many languages.

Programmers do it in software Programmers do it right the first time! Programmers do it top down. Programmers do it with a Hard Drive! Programmers do it with algo-rithyms! Programmers do it with numbers! Programmers do it with objects Programmers don't Byte,they just Nybble a bit Programmers don't get sniffles, they get a CODE. Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP Programmers get overlayed Programmers give more input/output! Programmers have a higher baud rate! Programmers have random access memory! Programmers love dual floppies! Programmers love their tools! Programmers stick to the BASICs! Programmers take bigger Bytes! Programmers will do it all night, but only if you are debugged. RAMsom, what you pay to sloppy programmers. REAL programmers have keyboard dents in their foreheads REAL programmers use undocumented DOS calls REAL programmers write 4K GUIs. REAL programmers write self-modifying code. REP: Randomly Execute Programmers RISC ASSEMBLY PROGRAMMERS do it 1073741824 times a second RPM: Read Programmer's Mind Real Programmers Collect Lint. Real Programmers Don't Write Games! Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. Real Programmers call bugs "undocumented features" Real Programmers do it on the console panel. Real Programmers like vending-machine popcorn. Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue. Real Programmers use DEBUG C:\DOSFILES\PROGRAM.EXE Real Programmers use Patch Cords! Real Users hate Real Programmers. Real programmers aren't. Real programmers do all their DTP work in DEBUG. Real programmers don't change light bulbs. Real programmers don't have floppy disks. Real programmers don't use flowcharts.] Real programmers ignore schedules. Real programmers innovate, others LITIGATE ! Real programmers practice safe HEX Real programmers use "cat < a.out". Real programmers use MASM PROGRAM.ASM Real programmers use TCC PROGRAM.CPP...error...error...er\COMM Real programmers use punched cards. Real programmers wrote game theory. Runtime error: Next time don't pay the programmer up front S/He who uses bad language must be an R:BASE programmer! SLEEP? I'm a programmer! SMALLTALK PROGRAMMERS have more methods STOP!! Come any closer and the programmer gets it!! SYSTEMS PROGRAMMERS keep it up longer Silly programmer! Turbo's for kidz! Slow programmers Prog-crastinate.... Smalltalk programmers have more methods. Software Error: Programmer Held. Finish all activities

Sub-titled in HEX for programmers Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. -- R. S. Barton TPDH: Tell Programmer to Do it Himself Tagline error. Contact your systems programmer. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer. The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language. UNIX PROGRAMMERS must C her's USER: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him. Unable to locate Mt.Dew.Com - Programmer halted! User (n): technical term used by programmers - see idiot. VM PROGRAMMERS do it virtualy all the time Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know WARNING! Programmer X-ing WARNING: Programmer at play WPM: Write Programmer's Mind Wire Puller: (n), A seasoned 1004 programmer XPR: eXecute PRogrammer XSP: eXecute Systems Programmer Young programmers are the best! [and the cockiest] realprogrammersdontusespacespunctuationorcaps why_do_c_programmers_type_like_this(char *FAR OUT);

/ 640K ought to be enough for anybody Bill Gates, 1981. 911... Not Now... I'm Downloading! All computers wait at the same speed. Any sufficiently advanced bug will become a feature. Ask not what your computer can do for you... Become a programmer and never see the world! Bugs come in through open Windows. Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. C:\> The stick shift of computing. Coming soon! Mouse support for EDLIN! Compile, run, curse... Recompile, rerun, recurse. Computer widow: Family goes broke watching Dad have fun. Computer: a hole in your desk that swallows all your time. DO: Get up: Go to work: Eat dinner: Shower: Go to bed: LOOP Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? Damn the documentation Full speed ahead! Day 3,857,962 of FREE 30 day trial. Please pay soon. Design of the future? I'd like one that will work today. Do you want a Yes/No prompt? (Y/N) Documentation The worst part of programming. ERROR 12C4: Problem exists between keyboard and chair. Ever caught ya'self reading taglines and skipping messages?

Excommunicated: On vacation without a computer. Features should be discovered, not documented! Feel lucky?.. Upgrade your software! Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. Firmware: Software with permanent bugs hardwired into it. Floppy not responding, formatting hard drive instead. GUI: A set of pretty pictures to entertain the illiterate. Hardware Independent: Won't work on ANY hardware! Have you hugged your motherboard today? Home is where the computer is plugged in. I can't decide between EDLIN and WordPerfect Six... I program, therefore I exist. I used to read books. Now I read QWK files. I want to be a modirater when I grow up. I'm a Programmer... who the hell are you? I'm a disfunctional husband of a BBS widow. If a plane was run by Windows, would you fly it? If it's bug free, it's time to make changes. If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. If there are no more bugs, the program is obsolete. It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit! Just a possum on the information superhighway. Keep It Simple, Stupid! KISS Life after death? Is it like terminate and stay resident? Machines should work, people should think. Macintosh: PC with training wheels you can't remove. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. Marriage: begging for money for upgrades. May your backups always be good, but never necessary. Microsoft isn't the answer... it is the QUESTION. "No" is the answer. Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting. MultiTasking Twice the mistakes in half the time. Music for $.25/min., call Borland Tech Support now! My computer has a nut loose on the keyboard. My job is interfering with my mail reading. Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. No ASCII? OK, I'll use the regular key. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. No you can't call 911 NOW, I'm downloading my mail! Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible. Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. / One bit short of a byte. Only XT users know that January 1, 1980 was a Tuesday. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. Optimist: A Commodore salesman with a beeper. PROGRAMMING: Edit, Save, Exit, Compile, Run, Curse, Reboot. Press [Ctrl]+[Alt]+[Del] to continue... Press [Enter] once to quit or twice to save changes. Press [Enter] once to quit or twice to save changes. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. Professionals built the Titanic. Amateurs built the Ark. Programming like building a castle with toothpicks. Programming is 10% inspiration and 90% debugging. Real programmers write programs not press releases. / Recursive, adj.: see Recursive. Ritz crackers found in drive A: Delete Children (Y/N)? SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue... Save changes before exit? (Y)es (N)o (W)hat changes?!? Small is beautiful.

Smith & Wesson: The original point-n-click user interface. Sur mI spoolchkr werks jus fin, wy d0 yu aks? Tagline being sued by Lotus for look and feel violation. That's not a Bug, that's a Free Enhanced Feature! The best solution uses the fewest assumptions. The magic of Windoze: Turning a 486 into an XT. This mind intentionally left blank. This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, send me $10. To iterate is human; to recurse, divine. Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... True Multitasking 3 PC's and a chair with wheels... True idiot-proofing is impossible the idiots are so clever. Upgrade Policy: Insert wallet in drive A: and press . Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight. Wanted: Programmers. Some assembly required. Weber's Law of Programming: "If it compiles, ship it." What is the sound of one modem connecting? Where the heck is the ANY key? Who is this GENERAL FAILURE and WHY is he reading MY disk? Windows... from the minds who gave you EDLIN! You can never be too rich, too thin or have too much RAM.

Age and Treachery Overcome Youth and Skill Send lawyers, guns, and money! What a long, strange trip it's been! I see how their eyes are gathered into one There is more to reality than meets the eye This side up "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Bother," said Pooh, and deleted his message base. "Boy, Data, you look great in a push-up bra!" - Riker "Boy, that Data is slicker than cow snot!" - Guinan "Call it a hunch." -- Quasimodo "Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?" - Worf "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy. "Data! I thought you were dead!" "No, Sir. I rebooted." "DOS=HIGH" Hmm, I knew it was on something... "Energize!" said Picard and the pink bunny appeared... "Excuse me, do you mind if I squish in here?" - Odo "Fire, Mr. Worf!" [Worf picks up extinguisher] "Hand me that solar-powered flashlight..." "Hello, World!" 17 Errors, 31 Warnings.... "Hex Dump" - Where Witches put used Curses? "Hey, Worf! I hooked Data up to a Modem... wanna see?" "I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared. "I'm all ears, hooman!" DaiMon Perot "I'm not Bajoran. Sisko punched me in the nose." - Kira "I'm the Doctor... gotta love me!" * Bashir "Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Einstein "Life," said Marvin. "Don't talk to me about life." "MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs) "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?" "My God, it's full of stores!" - 2001: A Shopping Odyssey

"Really honey....just 1 more message." "Swab the poop deck, raise the mizzenmast!" - Picard "Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore..." "Why stop now? Just when I'm hating it." -Marvin # of Vulcans needed to replace a bulb? Precisely 1.0000000 $$$ not found -- A)bort, R)efinance, D)eclare bankruptcy (A)bort (F)ail (T)oss computer across room (A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort (R)etry (S)ue (A)bort (R)etry (T)ake an axe to it? (A)bort (R)epent (I)gnorant? (A)bort (R)etry (F)ail, (G)rab_Hammer (A)bort (R)etry (G)et The Sledge Hammer (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (K)ick system? (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (O)verthrow System? (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore, (S)orry I Asked! (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill innocent bystanders (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (A)bort (R)etry (P)retend this never happened . . . (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it (A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the @#$&*~ thing! (A)bort (R)etry (S)mack the friggin thing (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza (I)gnore (R)etry (A)bort (M)eltdown ...and sometimes the bear eats you. ...but there are no old, bold pilots. ...no thanks, I'm already having one. ...would you like me to sing you a song? ...ywercs lla og tsuj sgniht semitemoS 113 grams, 10 milliliters ... He's lead, Jim. 186,282.3959 mi/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. 640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 7 Days without pizza makes one weak... 9 out of 10 men who tried Camels prefer women. 9.8 m/s: Not just a good idea; it's the LAW! :) :D :O :( :[ ;) 8) B) :> |I :P =) :S :B :] :\ <----- The information went data way -----> A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A cult is a religion without political power. A fool and his money are my two favorite people. A Mogwai is simply a highly evolved Tribble. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! A procrastinator's work is never done. A Tale of Two Zities -Dickens's cookbook A tribble a day keeps the Klingons well fed. A truly lazy person is never bored. ABORT: Drivel filter is compromised! Actually it is an interplanetary greeting. Advisor: The guy who told you how to screw up After a long bath Worf sees the fleas as his true friends Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. All government is theft, some just steal less. All right, who's been cooking hot dogs in the Warp Drive? All stressed out, and no one to choke. All true wisdom is found in fortunes. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. Anal retentive people don't give a crap. Anatomically Correct beats Politically Correct ANY DAY! And Adam asked "What's a Headache?" And God said: E = mv - Ze/r, and there was light.

And I thought *I* had problems! And now a word from our sponsor... And now... The Larch. And you thought CHAOS meant rush-hour traffic! Another day, another shaving accident. Answers: $1. Correct answers: $5. Dumb looks: Free! Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Are Cheerios really donut seeds? Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head. Are you out of my mind? ASCII stupid question, get stupid ANSI Aural sex produces eargasms. AUTOEXEC.BAT = Lee Iacocca as a vampire. Awwww its just a Harmless little Bunny! Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell Computer Bad command or file name. Go sit in corner. Bad command or filename. Or maybe you screwed up. Barnum was wrong....it's more like every 30 seconds! Basic Airline Flying: Keep the pointy end forward Be wewy wewy quiet...I'm hunting Womulins!! Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room. Beam me up, there's no intelligent life here! Behaviorist psychology -- pulling habits out of rats. Best file compression around! "DEL *.*" - 100% comp. Bill Gates made $6.3 Billion selling us MS-DOS? Bird lives. Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier. Borg Mail Reader v2.1a Fortune theft is futile. Borg Mail Reader v2.1a Fortunes are irrelevent. Borger King: We do it our way. Yours is irrelevant. Borger King: Have it our way. Your way is irrelevant. Boss spelled backwards is "double-SOB" Bow down to Rick Wakeman! Brain Disengaged; Call Back Tomorrow. BRAIN.COM file closed. (A)rgue (R)etry (F)orget It BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding. Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore... Breath Deep, The Gathering Gloom... Bring home the bacon? HECK! I Brought the PIG! BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 2nd Down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! But I thought YOU did the backups... But of course, it *is* only my opinion. But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks? But Windows bashing is my job... C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files ^^^oo^^^ C:\DAMSEL.EXE crosslinked w/DISTRESS.COM--RESCUE?(y/n) C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\CRASH C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\WINDOWS C:\DOS\RUN\SLOW C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN C:\DOS\RUN\AMUCK Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\> Canadian DOS: "Yer sure, eh?" [y/n] Captain ... one .. harmless ... little ... Tribble? Captain please, not in front of the Klingons. Captain! The UARTs kenna' take these speeds! Captain! Someone has snorted all the dilithium crystals. Captain, I need to kill someone. Worf Captain, we have engaged dataschlurp mode! Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero! Horace (8 BC)

Caution: This stuff is addictive... Click..Click..Click..Damn! Out of fortunes! COFFEE.COM not found: (A)bort, (R)eheat, (S)nooze Cogito ergo cogito ! Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!!!! Coming Soon. Mouse Support for Turbo Edlin! Coming Soon... Turbo Edlin! Coming soon: Netware for Nintendo Computer, microwave decks 5-10 until piping hot. BEEP! Computers ARE the future. Oh the future looks grim! Confuse people: start making sense. Conservatism is the worship of dead revolutions. Contains less than 2% U.S. RDA for this echo Control-Alt-Delete thyself Copy from another: plagiarism. Copy from many: research. Could be an ever-opening flower. Crime does not pay... as well as politics. Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it! Critical error: (S)hout, (S)mash, (B)uy a mac. Curiosity didn't kill the cat. I got 'im with the mower! CURSOR: What you become when your system crashes. Cut life support to all quarters with children * Picard Daddy, what does "FORMATTING DRIVE C:....." mean ? DATA COMPRESSION: What You Get When You Squish An Android Data enjoys a smoke after interfacing with the Computer. Death: The unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop. Decay, inherent in all component things. Buddha-last wrds DESQview: Better windows DESQview: Faster than a Cray (running Windows) DEVICEHIGH: Your device driver on drugs. Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans. Did Qmodem originate in the Q continuum? Difference between a virus & windows? Viruses never fail. Direct from the Ministry of Silly Walks. Do I smoke after sex? I don't know, I never looked. Do it now! There might be a law against it tomorrow. Do not expose this message to direct sunlight. Do televangelists do more than lay people? Do you feel Lucky, punk??? Do you know JESUS? If so, tell him he owes me $2. Does bouncing count? Does the Enterprise computer have enough RAM to run Windows? Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines. Don't be a schmuck... BE A SCHMUCK! Don't hate yourself in the morning --- sleep until noon! Don't let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. Don't Panic!!! Don't play "stupid" with me - I'm better at it. DON'T STEAL - The government hates competition. Don't surround yourself with yourself. Don't Think!!!!! SCHEME !!!!! Don't torture yourself...that's my job. DOS is todays CP/M - Windows is tomorrows CP/M! DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. DOS never says "Excellent command or filename..." DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself! DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something... Double your drive space! Delete Windows! Drive A: not responding.. .Formating C: instead Dust-balls - The cheap man's tribble.

Eat quatro-triticale: 3.56 quadrillion tribbles can't be wrong! Editing is a rewording activity. Electric chairs are period furniture: they end a sentence Elegant Frankfurter - A haute dog Elvis is alive and doing my laundry. Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself. English is wonderful, when used correctly. Ensign Expendable, step on that rock! - Kirk Ensign Singer... Make it sew. Ensign, engage datasuck mode! Entropy ain't what it used to be. Error #1511: Brain Offline Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow. Error 96: Dead mouse in hard drive. Error : (A)bort (R)etry (S)ell it Error finding REALITY.SYS - Universe halted. Error in REALITY.SYS. Run BIGBANG.EXE (Y/N) Error reading FAT table. Try SKINNY one? (Y/N) ERROR: CPU not found ERROR: REALITY.SYS Corrupted -- Universe unrecoverable Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark. Ever have one of those millennia? Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Eyeing little girls with bad intent, heh. Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace? File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) File Not Found. Loading something that looks similar. File Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ake It? Files not found: Delete user instead? (Y/y)? First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin! Friends don't let friends use Windoze. Friends don't let friends use XMODEM! Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, home of Watsa Matta U. Gee Whiz, I didn't know DOS was *that* stupid! Gee, I wonder what this key does. General Failure reading drive A: Please remove your fist. Give it to Riker- he'll eat anything! GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever... Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you! GOLFER--Yells "Fore!", Takes Five, Writes Down Three. Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are. Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management. Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts! HA! I kill me! Happiness is a warm modem. Hat? What hat? That's a helipad for munchkins. - Guinan Have time to waste? Get Microsoft Windows 3.1! Have you crashed your Windows today? HD failure: (A)bort (R)etry (N)egotiate (C)ry He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. He is almost a statesman. He lies well. He who dies with the most toys is still dead. He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. He who throws mud loses ground.

He's ALIVE, Jim. Where did I go wrong? He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his watch! He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me. He's DEAD, Jim. Tell the Klingons that dinner is served. Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. Hello.. Incontinence Hotline.. Can you hold? Help! My computer is holding me prisoner... Help--I'm being held captive by my modem! Hey Rocky, watch me pull a tribble out of my hat! Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's Hand Grenades I throw! High thoughts must have high language. Aristophanes Hold on- wait, maybe the answer's looking for you. How do I set my phaser to tickle? How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder. I am a man: nothing human is alien to me. Terrence I am become Death, the Destroyer of worlds ... Oppenheimer I am immortal, at least 'til I die. I am looking for an honest man. Diogenes (325 BC) I am Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated. I call a fig a fig, a spade a spade. Menander (292 BC) I can't tell if I'm a kingpin or a pauper! I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse. I could be chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause. I don't eat anything with a face! I don't have any fortunes to give you. Go away. I don't just tempt fate - I give it the finger. I don't kill my enemies: I slime them! Odo I don't steal jokes, I replicate them. I don't want to be a cynic, but it's hard... I drank what?!? Socrates I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts. Virgil (19 BC) I Feel Better Now. I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory. I had a life once... but now I have a modem. I HATE it when it does that! I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it. I have found power in the mysteries of thought. Euripides I have to stop now. My fingers are getting hoarse. I is knot dain bramaged!!! I know, and I know you know I know. I know on which side my bread is buttered. John Heywood I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. I need Windows like a haemophiliac needs heart surgery! I played poker w/ tarot cards-got a flush & 5 people died I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO. I shave with Occam's Razor. I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it? I survived torture. I'm ready to date Lwaxana. - Picard He's a couple bushels shy of a full crop He's a couple keys short of a concert piano. He's a couple of cans short of a six-pack. He's a couple of ticks past the noon whistle. He's a couple sharps short of B Major. He's a few bars short of a finished symphony. He's a few bricks short of a whole wall. He's a few bytes short of a checksum. He's a few channels short of Basic Cable He's a few croutons short of a garden salad. He's a few pipes short of a church organ. He's a few strings short of a violin section.

He's one taco short of a combination platter He's playing his oboe with just one reed. He's playing solitaire with a pinochle deck. He's playing the lead violin part on a viola. He's playing the old five-string guitar. I think I think, therefore I think I am. I think. I think, therefore I am... dangerous, that is... I think, therefore I'm overqualified !!! I use Windows... on my car, on my house, on my... I was sane once... didn't like it. I was the next door kid's imaginary friend. I went mad once. Did me a world of good. I wish I was a Klingon. I want a lumpy head. I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. I won't use Windows, I won't use Windows, I won't... I would like to buy a fish license, please. I'll panic if I bloody well want to! I'm an analog man in a digital world. I'm a brain in a vat. Are you one too? I'm a consultant because I'd rather be self-unemployed. I'm a figment of your imagination. I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK! I'm a workaholic who resisted a rest. I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar! I'm Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up Collective? I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. I'm firm. You're obstinate. He's a pigheaded fool. I'm flexible... just don't change anything. I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you? I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere? I'm just a peripheral visionary. I'm just here for moral support. Ignore the gun. I'm lost, but I'm still making pretty good time! I'm mad at you because you were someone else. I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me. I'm more humble than you are! I'm much too young to feel this damned old I'm neither for, nor against apathy I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. I'm not a crook; I'm "ethically challenged." I'm not a minority. I'm an outnumbered majority! I'm not a witch doctor-- I'm only a folk medic. I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV. I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT! I'm not confused, I'm just well-mixed. I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk. I'm not dead, I'm metabolically challenged. I'm not lost... I'm "locationally challenged". I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right! I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that? I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T. I'm only here for the salad bar. I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? I'm practicing assertiveness. Do you think that's okay? I'm really sorry about always saying I'm really sorry. I'm so broke I can't even pay attention I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. I'm the leader, which way did they go? I'm usually awake near the end of the day. I'm warning you! One step closer and I'll drop carrier! I'm working on my 2nd $million... Gave up on the 1st. I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. I've got a Mickey Mouse PC with a Goofy operating system. IBM: When you care enough to spend the very most. If "R" is Reverse, how come "D" is FORWARD? If a program is useful, it must be changed. If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound? If all else fails, read the directions! If all goes well, you've overlooked something! If all is not lost, then where is it? If all the world's a stage, I sure got lousy seats. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0. If at first you don't succeed, change the rules! If at first you don't succeed, cry. If at first you don't succeed, fake it!! If at first you don't succeed, forget it. If at first you don't succeed, join the club. If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards. If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. If at first you don't succeed, you're about normal. If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, What's Baby Oil Made From? If flies couldn't fly, would they be called walks? If guns are outlawed, can we use swords? If I follow you home, will you keep me? If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I save time, when do I get it back ? If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you! If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? If it ain't broke, hit it harder. If it ain't broke, wait a day or two!! If it ain't one thing, it's two or three... If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing. If it was easy, it wouldn't be any fun. If it works, I didn't do it. If it works, rip it apart and find out why! If it works, something went wrong. If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong. If it's tourist season, where do I get a license? If it's working OK, then something's GOTTA be wrong! If life is but a dream please wake me up. If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If only Einstein had a 486DX-33.... If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on. If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns. If rich, eat when you please. If poor, eat when you can. If speed scares you, buy Windows 3.1! If the shoe fits, its ugly. If we left the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy! If Windows sucked it would be good for something. If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. If you can't be famous, try infamous. If you can't elucidate, obfuscate. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll laugh at you.

If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!! If you hear an Onion ring, please answer it! If you really want to know, you won't ask me. If you redo a batch file, is it a son of a batch? If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it. If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast. If you throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter? If you wake up Sleepy & Grumpy, you must be Snow White. If you're trying to drive me crazy, you're too late! If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen 'em all. Ignorance is Temporary ... STUPID is Forever! Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP! In adversity remember to keep an even mind. Horace (8 BC) Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF Iraqi rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped once. Is it weird in here, or is it just me? Is sex in a cornfield "Porn on the cob"? Is there life before coffee? It doesn't work, but I'm working on it. It is better to copulate than never. It is far safer to be feared than loved. Machiavelli It makes a difference whose ox is gored. Martin Luther It takes a wise man to recognize a wise man. Xenophanes It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. It's getting better all the time. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. It's time for them to go. It's too bad ignorance isn't painful. It's GOOD to be the King! Jesus saves... but Lindros scores on the rebound! Just when I make ends meet, someone moves one end. Keyboard error or no keyboard, F1 to continue Keyboard locked... Press F1 to continue Keyboard not found, think "F1" to continue. Keyboard: Used for entering errors into a system. Kill the wabbit!!! Kill the wabbit!!! Know a good chiropractor? My computer has a slipped disk. Ladies & Gentlemen, Elvis has left the building. Lady Macbeth to her dog: "Out, damned Spot!" Law is order, and good law is good order. Aristotle Leave no stone unturned. Euripides (431 BC) Let each man exercise the art he knows. Aristophanes Liars when they speak the truth are not believed. Aristotle Life is one long struggle in the dark. Lucretius (55 BC) Life without learning is death. Cicero Life would be easier if I had the source code. Life's a joke, and we're the punchline. Life... don't talk to me about life. Light speed! Ridiculous speed! Ludicrous speed! Lonely, Worf seeks a Dog/Turtle hybrid for companionship. Love comes for you, and you follow. Love is grand. Divorce is fifty grand. Mac screen message: "Like, dude, something went wrong." Macintosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove MAFIA DOS..Ey'What's A Matta You? Wanna Try Again (Y/n)? Man is by nature a political animal. Aristotle Many hands make light work. John Heywood (1497-1580) Master of images, songs shine a light on you. May the Farce be with you! Meaning of life:

Member, the Society for Creative Anachronism. MEMORY ERROR: Now what? Men willingly believe what they wish. Julius Caesar Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence. Millihelen: Amount of beauty required to launch one ship. Minds, like parachutes, work only when open. Misfortune shows those who are not friends. Aristotle Mister Worf, show these children the airlock. Picard M bius strippers have no rear end. Mobius strippers never show you their back side. Modems are proof that people enjoy torturing themsevles Monday is the root of all evil! Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there. Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated. Mr. Spock wears vulcanized rubbers. MS-DOS..MR DOS's sister -- DR DOS..MS DOS's Gynecologist Multitask- Make twice the mistakes in the time. My appetite comes to me while eating. Michel de Montaigne My AUTOEXEC.BAT is a vampire. My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier. My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician. My God! It's full of stars! My God! They've gone to Plaid! My mama done tol' me... My modem isn't slow- it's "baudily challenged!" My mother was the tour guide for Guilt Trips... My other computer is even slower. My other computer is a Porsche. My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird... My train of thought is a Mag-Lev. Nature does nothing uselessly. Aristotle Never dare to judge until you've heard all. Euripides Never judge a book by its movie. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Never take a beer to a job interview. New book: 101 Ways to Brown-Nose to Success. Night-owls are _real_ people. Nine times out of ten the statisticians are wrong. Nixon's Principal: If 2 wrongs don't make a right, try 3. No bathroom? Just boldly go where no man has gone before! No falsehood lingers into old age. Sophocles (406 BC) No human thing is of serious importance. Plato No man loves life like him that's growing old. Sophocles No! No! Nurse!!! I said "prick his boil"! Nobody knows the Tribbles I've seen... Nostalgia just ain't what it used to be ... Not every soil can bear all things. Virgil (19 BC) Nothing can be created from nothing. Lucretius (55 BC) Nothing endures but change. Heraclitus (480 BC) Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up. O.K to continue?? Of all animals, the boy is most unmanageable. Plato Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark? "Oh, very good Worf. Eat any good books lately?" Q On the other hand, you have different fingers. Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it. Homer Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Henry V One swallow does not make a summer. Aristotle Only one good: Knowledge. One evil: Ignorance. Socrates

Open doors we find our way; we look, we see, we smile. Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Chew Carefully Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally. OPERATOR ERROR.. (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)hoot... Originality is the art of concealing your source... Ouch! And I mean it. Pack up your Tribbles in your old kit bag. Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks. Piety requires us to honor truth above friends. Aristotle Pizza: Nature's perfect food. Please return stewardess to original upright position. Pleasure is the start and end of living happily. Epicurus Politically Incorrect -- and damn proud of it! Politics: Poly (many) + Ticks (blood-sucking parasites) Polluting New Jersey... like who's gonna notice? Power corrupts, but we still need electricity. Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat. Press all the keys at once to continue... Press any key - EXCEPT THAT ONE!!! Press any key to continue or any other key to quit Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd. Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. Reality is blinking again...call for repairs. Reality is for people with no grasp of fantasy. Relativism stinks- you can't call anyone a moron! Religious error: (A)tone, (R)epent, (I)mmolate? Rid yourself of doubt, or should you? Riker to Enterprise. Beam down Troi and a six-pack. ROM wasn't built in a day. Rome was not built in one day. John Heywood (1497-1580) Ruling a country is like cooking a small fish. Lao-tzu Russia has the Moscow Circus; WE have CONGRESS! Sado-necro-beastiality is beating a dead horse. SANITY.SYS corrupt. MIND lost. Save the wales! Nuke Greenpeace instead! Scott me up Beamie! Scotty: What is it? Data: It is... it is green. Second star to the right & straight on till morning... Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow! Horace (8 BC) Self-deceit is easy; what one wishes one believes is true SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory... Sex on TV can't hurt you...unless you fall off. Sexy: Uses feather. Kinky: Uses entire chicken. Shell to DOS....Come in, DOS.....Do you Copy? Shh! I have to use my incomplete, divided attention here! Silly question! Sincerity is the Way. (Mencius, 372-289 B.C.) SLEEP: that fleeting moment just before the alarm. Snorting wildly, Worf actually smells his own feet. Spam for me, with a side of crunchy frog. Spock/Data 1996: The Logical Choice STAND BACK! I don't know how big this gets! STATUS QUO is Latin for "the mess we're in." STAY ALERT! TRUST NO ONE! KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY! Stay back! I have a modem and I know how to use it!!!! Stop smirking Number One. Stranger in a strange country. Sophocles (406 BC)

STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere! Success lies in achieving the top of the foodchain. Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you. Support your local medical examiner: die strangely. Syntax? Why not, they tax everything else The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves. Sophocles Talk is cheap. Using a modem gets expensive. Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. Euripides Ted Kennedy's Bumper Sticker: My other car is underwater. Temporary suspension of disbelief is a wonderful thing. Tennis is irrelevant. - Bjorn Borg That Rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! The basis of a democratic state is liberty. Aristotle The best way to accelerate Windows is at escape velocity. The company of just and righteous men is best. Euripides The Computer is impressed with Data's hardware. The cost of feathers has risen. Now even down is up. The die is cast. (proverb quoted by Julius Caesar). The END (and more than you wanted to know) The end is near... but wait for the sequel! The freedom of poetic license. Cicero (43 BC) The good have no need of an advocate. Phocion (317 BC) The great man is he who does not lose his child's-heart. The guy sure looks like plant food to me! The Ides of March have come. Julius Caesar The Law is your friend..but watch out for the Lawyers. The magic of Windoze: Turning your 486 into an XT. The majority isn't silent- the government is deaf! The moon is made of a green cheese. J.Heywood (1497-1580) The more I know about WINDOWS, the more I like DesqView! The no-mind not-thinks no-thoughts about no-things. The only good Mac is a big Mac! The Sun is at the center of the Universe. Copernicus The thoughtless are rarely wordless. The UARTs can't take much more o' this Captain! The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates The World: A comedy for thinkers; a tragedy for feelers. There are no teachers -- only students. There are two sides to every question. Protagoras(410 BC) There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man. Euripides There is no fool like an old fool. J.Heywood (1497-1580) There is no happiness where there is no wisdom. Sophocles There's nothing more demoralizing than money. Sophocles They aren't evil...just stupid. This hitteth the nail on the head. J. Heywood (1597-1580) This is Elvis. Any messages for me? This product was cruelly tested on small, furry animals. This Fortune no verb. Those whom God wishes to destroy, are first made mad. Time cancels young pain. Euripides (431 BC) Time eases all things. Sophocles (406 BC) To be human without passion is to be dead. To boldly go where no one has gone before. To him who is in fear, everything rustles. Sophocles To teach is to learn Japanese Proverb Too little sex makes you repeat yourself redundantly. Took an hour to bury the cat. Damn thing kept moving. Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... Trespassers will be shot; Survivors will be shot again! Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got were footnotes!

True Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! Truth, like surgery, may hurt. But it cures.- Han Suyin Two heads are better than one. John Heywood (1497-1580) Two may keep counsel, if two be away. Heywood (1497-1580) Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. Unable to load REALITY.SYS; Invalid parameter: /UTOPIA Under every stone lurks a politician. Aristophanes Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight. Using PKZIP Version 2.04zzzzzzzzzzz Virus scanner: "Windows" found. Remove? (Y) Vote Republican, it's easier than thinking. Vultures only fly with carrion luggage. Waiter: Unemployed actor WARNING: Do not attempt this at home. Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes? Washing Windows is better than running them. Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. Euripides (431 BC) Watch it - you're trying my infinite patience. We are all driven into the same fold. Horace (8 BC) We are but dust and shadow. Horace (8 BC) We are on a roll! Cavorting on the Butter! We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday. We live, not as we wish to, but as we can. Menander 292bc We look for things. Things that make us go. We need more unemployed politicians. We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing. We're off to see the wizard.... What are you gonna do? Bleed on me? What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas? What do you mean you "formatted" the cat?!? What fools these mortals be. What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone? What is food to one, is to others bitter poison. Lucretius What is the avg. air speed of an un-laden swallow? What soon grows old? Gratitude. Aristotle What you do not want done to you, do not do to others. What's all this talk about hellfire & Dalmations? What's another word for "thesaurus?" When asked "What is a friend," Zeno answered "Another I." When in doubt, mumble! When puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns. When truth entails tremendous ruin, lies are pardoned. When you know, you know; when you don't know, admit it. When your computer has a virus, DON'T use chicken soup! Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket? While there's life, there's hope. Cicero (43 BC) Whom the gods destroy, they first teach Windows... Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion. Why are there no blue M&M's? Why are there so many actors in this movie? Why bother phoning a psychic? Let them phone you! Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why do they call them briefings when they take SO LONG? Why do those that pay the least complain the most? Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it called "rush hour" if it's so damn slow?

Why yes, they are Bugle Boy beans. Windows doesn't kill you, it's the glass when it crashes. Windows Ice Cream: Hoggin DOS WINDOWS MULTITASKS! (in a DesqView window) Windows to 486/50 mhz cpu: Don't rush me, don't rush me... Windows: an 80486 to XT Conversion Kit. Windows: A cute clown suit for DOS. Windows: big, expensive, pretty virus. Windows: The best $89 solitare game you can buy. Wisdom outweighs any wealth. Sophocles (406 BC) Women: You can't live with them, pass the beer nuts- Norm Wonderful music. My compliments to the clef. Word is a shadow of deed. Democritus (400 BC) Worf: "Shields failing!" Picard: "Give 'em more homework" Work out your salvation w/diligence. Buddha - last words Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant! Daffy Duck of Borg You *must* be kidding! You can lead a man to ponder; you cannot make him think! You Cannot Escape! Resistance Is Futile! You cannot see the wood for the trees. John Heywood You cannot teach a crab to walk straight. Aristophanes You gotta know when to code 'em, know when to modem. You know how to win a victory, but not how to use it. You pathetic, puny, puking, putrid puddle of poodle piss! You were a stranger to sorrow; thus fate has cursed you. You wouldn't happen to have anything less... ducky? Your descendants shall gather your fruits. Virgil Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage Yours is no disgrace.