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Office romance: dos and don'ts

With more of us working long hours - leaving less time and energy for dating - should we really be surprised when co-workers' eyes meet across the water cooler? 'When people spend eight hours a day, five days a week, together, it's only natural to form close friendships, which can sometimes develop into something more,' says business and personal relationships coach Susan Quilliam. While many happily married people met at work, office romances need careful handling. ' ffice romances can - and do - work out, but some don't or are fraught with problems. ! badly handled, messy affair could seriously "eopardise your career, as well as leaving you heartbroken, so take care to go into any relationship with your eyes open,' warns Susan. #f you're already dating someone in the office, here are the dos and don'ts to consider. $nsure you never make a fau% pas again, with our eight rules for email eti&uette. Don't: date a co-worker to escape office boredom 'ou see his name ping into your inbo% and get a shiver of e%citement. She sits ne%t to you in the meeting and you can forget concentrating on the latest sales figures. '(he thrill of attraction can be e%hilarating but if your mind is no longer on the "ob, take a step back,' advises Susan. ')ould the frisson be a way to liven up a dull work day? '#f the best thing about coming to work is seeing a particular colleague, could it be you've fallen out of love with your "ob? $ven if the flirtation is mutual, would a relationship between you survive outside of the office? #f not, you may need to have a closer look at how you feel about your "ob - rather than your co-worker.' Don't: date your boss ffice romances can be a minefield at the best of times - but date someone who is directly above or below you in the chain and you're asking for trouble. '*ightly or wrongly, &uestions of impartiality will be raised,' says )orinne +ills, +anaging ,irector of -ersonal )areer +anagement. ''our team mates may suspect you're being given an unfair advantage, while top management will &uestion how you can effectively manage an employee you're romantically involved with.

'(here's also the potential of harassment charges. $ven if this outcome seems unlikely to you, .uman *esources may see a legal landmine in the making. When a relationship ends badly, it's not unheard of for the "unior person /often younger and female0 to start a se%ual harassment case, or suggest the more senior individual abused their position of authority. '#f you're really in love, one of you needs to think about moving to a different department or start looking for another "ob - and the sooner the better.' Do: tell your manager
+ost office romances start out a secret but not many stay that way.

)orinne says1 ''our private life is your business - and should be kept that way - but there is one person you should consider telling, and that's your boss. '!sk for a meeting and keep it simple. (here's no need to go into detail - "ust demonstrate your ability to show professionalism regarding the sub"ect. #f other workplace relationships have gone bad, reassure your manager that there will be no conflict of interest.' Don't: fight in front of your co-workers Want to undermine your professional integrity at work? -laying out your domestic dramas during business hours is a sure way to go about it. Susan says1 '!ll couples have disagreements and even full-blown arguments, if handled the right way, can be healthy for a relationship. 2nfortunately, those who work together don't have the lu%ury of escaping one another to cool off. '#f things are getting heated, leave the office for 34 minutes - go for a walk or call a friend /preferably one that's not a colleague0. ,on't carry on the argument with snippy emails or worse still, out loud. !gree to talk about it when you get home - and make sure you do.' Don't: snog during corporate functions #f you want to be known for your professional ability, be professional at all times and that includes at team-building events and corporate functions. '-eople are more rela%ed on business trips but don't be na5ve enough to think that what happens offsite won't be remembered once you're back in the office,' warns )orinne. '6ehave inappropriately and you risk tainting others' perceptions of you. #n addition to being the main topic of conversation on +onday morning, you may well have undermined your chances of promotion or be less likely to be recommended for other positions.'

Do: develop an exit strategy 6reaking up is never easy, as they say, but when you work together it can be even tougher - and that's something which shouldn't be underestimated. '(he end of a relationship isn't something couples think about when they first get together, but when you're dating someone at work, it's a conversation worth having,' says Susan. '(hink about how you will cope seeing each other on a daily basis should you break up. .ave you escaped heartbreak in the past by throwing yourself into your work? #f so, are you prepared to find another "ob in order to fully move on? '7ust as business partnerships have an e%it strategy, think about how you will handle things when one party wants out of the relationship. #f you're serious about each other, it may prove beneficial - for lots of reasons - for one of you to seek employment elsewhere now.'

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