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'It was an incredible thrill': the social meanings and dynamics
of younger gay mens experiences of barebacking in
Melbourne.

Damien Ridge*

Faculty of Health and Behavioural Sciences, Deakin University, Australia

* Damien Ridge now works within the School of Integrated Health at the University of
Westminster



This is an electronic version of an article published in Sexualities, 7 (3). pp.
259-279, August 2004. Sage Publications. The definitive version is
available online at:

http://sex.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/7/3/259



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16/03/2007

1


It was an incredible thrill': 1he social meanings and dynamics of
younger gay men's experiences of barebacking in Melbourne
evatitie., , 3, 259-29.

By Damien 1homas Ridge, PhD


Iaculty of Health and Behavioural Sciences
Deakin University

Word count: 8,066

Address for correspondence:

Dr Damien Ridge
laculty o lealth and Behaioural Sciences
Deakin Uniersity
221 Burwood lighway
Burwood VIC 3125
AUS1RALIA
Ph: -61 3 9251 306
lax: -61 3 9244 601
damienridgeyahoo.com.au

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Biographical note:
Damien Ridge ,damienridgeyahoo.com.au, completed his PhD in 1998 under the
superision o Victor Minichiello and Daid Plummer. lis study examined gay male
sexual and social relationships and implications or lIV risk. Damien is currently the
Research lellow,Qualitatie Research Consultant in the Social and Mental lealth
Research Priority Area at Deakin Uniersity ,Melbourne, Australia,. Since 1998, Damien
has been inoled in a range o research projects including suicidality and marginalised`
young people, therapy with at risk` young people, emotional literacy, social determinants
o mental health, health promoting schools, mental health in primary schools, mapping
the health and social needs o young people in Vietnam, and social relationships in
schools. In 2002 he inestigated the social determinants o mental health or young men
in commercialised gay enironments, along with Daid Plummer and Jan Browne.

Acknowledgements:
I would like to acknowledge the men who all participated so openly and thoughtully in
this study, as well as Victor Minichiello and Daid Plummer. I would also like to
acknowledge Siobhan Bowler or assistance in preparing this manuscript.

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Abstract
1his study used a qualitatie research design to examine the meanings and circumstances
underpinning practices o barebacking` - unprotected anal intercourse in episodic sexual
encounters among younger ,mainly in their 20s, same-sex attracted men in Melbourne,
Australia. Using a modiied grounded theory approach, a series o in-depth interiews
with 24 men were conducted. 1he results reeal that understanding practices o
barebacking requires an appreciation o how sex takes on multiple meanings in practice.
Meanings in sex or the men in this study tend to be organized around masculinity. In
sexual negotiations, meanings, initiation, emotions, dynamics ,e.g. shared`
communication, directing`, and wider contextual inluences ,e.g. public health
discourses, all play a role in sexual choreography and risk taking. Implications or health
promotion and policy are discussed.

Key words: \oung gay men, lIV, barebacking, sae sex, qualitatie research
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It was an incredible thrill: The social meanings and dynamics of
younger gay mens experiences of barebacking in Melbourne

Introduction
It is well accepted that the way gay men in industrialized countries changed their sexual
behaiours and adopted condom use in the wake o the lIV epidemic was
unprecedented, playing as it did a key role in the rapid decline o lIV inections rom
the mid-1980s onwards ,Becker & Joseph, 1988, Lau et al., 1992, Becker et al., 1993,.
1oday, the epidemic is changing, with researchers identiying a potential or a resurgence
in lIV inections among same-sex attracted men in the \est ,\olitski et al., 2001,. lor
instance, US research suggests that the rates o condom unprotected anal sex among
same-sex attracted men with partners o unknown or discordant lIV status where lIV
transmission is a possibility - i.e. barebacking` - increased in the later hal o the 1990s
,Lckstrand et al., 1999,. A range o reasons hae been postulated by researchers and
social commentators or increases in behaiours among gay men which hae the
potential to transmit lIV. lor example, ater years o worrying about lIV inection and
battling AIDS, it is said that many older men are too atigued to remain igilant by always
using condoms ,Abraham, 2000b,. \oung men, it is argued, hae been spared the worst
o the AIDS crisis, and so considerations o lIV risk are not so central in their thinking.
Another explanation pertains to the introduction o new combination antiretroiral
therapies that hae extended the length and quality o the lies o lIV-positie people
and in the process, reduced ears about contracting AIDS ,\olitski et al., 2001,. It may
be that many lIV-negatie men are not ully cognizant o the drawbacks o these
treatment regimes ,i.e. they are inconenient, entail serious side-eects, hae long-term
eects on the body and hae an appreciable ailure rate ,Gold & Ridge, 2001,, and
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without a ull knowledge o problems with treatments, such men may not perceie AIDS
to be a seere disease. According to Australian research, men who are optimistic about
treatment adances are more likely to engage in unprotected anal sex with casual sexual
partners ,Van de Ven et al., 1999,.

Gien the increasing concerns o researchers and health proessionals about lIV,AIDS
treatment ailures, reports o increased leels o barebacking among gay men, and the
lack o research about the reasons behind increases in sexual risk among these men,
understanding gay men`s sexual risk taking is again on the agenda. 1here is a considerable
body o research in western countries, including Australia, that has inestigated the actual
sexual knowledge, attitudes and behaiours o gay men since the lIV epidemic began
,Parnell, 199,. Research has also inestigated sexual decision-making models ,e.g. health
belie model, theories o reasoned action and planned behaiour, in order to understand
and explain behaiours. Studies inoling such models hae been disappointing in that
they hae proided ery limited predictie alue in explaining sae sex behaiours. lor
example, although the numbers o those liing in the Australian State o Victoria with
newly diagnosed lIV hae been steadily declining oer the past decade, reaching a low
in 1999 o 140 new cases, this statistic jumped to 198 in 2000 and then to 218 in 2001 -
the highest rates since 1994 ,National Centre in lIV Lpidemiology and Clinical
Research, 2001, Department o luman Serices, 2002,. lor men who hae sex with
men, notiications o cases hae increased by 88 percent since 1999. 1his jump let
researchers trying to interpret the changes - does it indicate a cultural shit in gay male
behaiour, or is it just a blip on the radar

Oer 20 years into the lIV,AIDS epidemic, ew studies hae taken an interpretie or
grounded` approach to understanding gay male sexual interactions and implications or
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sexual saety. 1his paper starts rom the premise that a grounded approach is a key to
deeloping concepts that enable us to understand and better predict where the lIV
epidemic is going. Such interpretie research is important since it is the intricacies o
sexual negotiations, the meanings attributed to them and particular circumstances that
proide insights into practices o barebacking ,Suarez & Miller, 2001,.

In the 1980s, it was belieed by many researchers that general, abstract theories could be
deeloped to explain and predict gay men`s sexual behaiours, and thus guide relatiely
straightorward preentie interentions ,Parnell, 199, Aggleton, 1991,. In Australia,
researchers trying to understand the epidemic deeloped abstract lIV preention
concepts such as attachment to a gay community` and negotiated saety` to explain
patterns in the uptake o sae sexual behaiours ,Kippax et al., 1993,. 1hese earlier
understandings hae dated somewhat. \ith respect to the ormer concept, early notions
o gay community attachment promoting access to a supportie sae sex culture now
seem nae. One problem was that the conceptual ramework o community` itsel was
rather ague to begin with ,Sche 1990,. Another problem is that while gay community`
eokes images o social connection, solidarity and support, such romantic discourses do
not seem to resonate with mens` actual experiences. Instead, there are diisions, conlicts
and dierences among gay men along such lines as class, culture, appearances, age, and
social preerences ,\eeks 1991,. In major cities, the centre o gay lie or men is the
commercial scene consisting o caes, bars, nightclubs and saunas. Gay networks in such
spaces may be experienced by men as pressured and alienating - on top o being highly
sexualised ,Ridge et al. 199,. Men who do not understand or it in with certain codes
and styles, such as men who are not young enough, or do not hae the right appearance
or know the codes o social interaction, may really struggle in such enironments ,Ridge
et al. 1999,. Such spaces are hardly an enironment where one could discoer a
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supportie sae sex culture. Certainly, attachment to gay community accompanies
increased lIV risks in certain circumstances ,McLeod & Nott 1994, Ridge et al. 199,.

1he complexities inoled in negotiating saety` with regular partners are also becoming
apparent. Kippax ,1993, and her colleagues originally coined the term negotiated saety
to mean the negotiated practice o unprotected anal intercourse within regular
partnerships o concordant serostatus.` \hile Kippax claimed that negotiated saety was
common among gay men, the term was quickly controersial, with researcher Ron Gold
,1996, arguing that truly eectie negotiated saety` was relatiely rare. 1here has been
more recent recognition that much unprotected anal sex in relationships is actually not
truly negotiated saety` ,Sharp et al., 1996, Daidoich et al., 2000,. My own research
suggested that rather than acting careully as lIV risk assessors in their own
relationships, relationships were not based on such rational thinking. Instead, men`s
ongoing partnerships were marked by limited communication about sexual saety, the
aoidance o emotional intimacy, emotions inluenced decisions about condom use ,e.g.
eelings o trust een i such eelings were not warranted in hindsight,, diiculties in
admitting to certain outside sexual relations and unequal power relations ,Ridge, 1996,.
\hile men may not always practice sae` unprotected anal sex in relationships, risks can
still be minimized, such as through better communication and increased emotional
honesty within relationships.

Ler since the media identiication o AIDS in the early 1980s as a gay man`s disease,
there has been concern about the special risk young same-sex attracted men are at or
lIV inection. Larlier on in the epidemic, it was assumed that youth was somehow
accompanied by particular indiidual characteristics that predisposed young gay men to
additional risk. It is now more widely accepted that unprotected anal sex is ery much a
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human actiity rather than a risk behaiour o particular gay men or youth` ,Parnell,
199,. 1his means that understanding the reasons or barebacking among gay men does
not mean identiying a deiant other`. Rather, the task at hand is to understand that
barebacking is a potential outcome in a range o circumstances or gay men, and that age
is associated with speciic personal and social circumstances ,Ridge, 199,. lor instance,
men in their early 20s today hae neer experienced an AIDS crisis, nor a world without
AIDS.

1he aim o this study was to deelop a grounded` understanding about the meanings and
reasons behind why younger same-sex attracted men continue to hae unsae sex. 1his
paper takes as it starting point the notion that unsae sex, as with sex in general, plays a
meaningul role in younger same-sex attracted men`s lies. 1he paper ocuses on episodic
barebacking encounters, where episodic sex is deined as sex with a particular partner
which occurs once or a ew times and which is not considered to be part o an ongoing
partnership. It was assumed that insertie or receptie episodic unprotected anal sex was
potentially unsae gien that none o the men reported being sure o the lIV serostatus
o such partners. Unprotected oral sex was classiied as sae gien it is much less o a risk
or lIV transmission. 1his paper does not discuss barebacking in ongoing partnerships
gien that lIV risk in such relationships is much less straightorward. 1he paper sheds
light on common meanings, emotions, reasons and circumstances underpinning
barebacking. It is argued that meanings,reasons are layered, at times contradictory and
commonly hae a basis in emotion. 1he results reeal the dynamic role
emotions,meanings play in the priority gien to saer or more risky sex. Additionally, the
discussion situates the roles o thought and external dynamics ,e.g. communication, and
directing and negotiating power, as integral to the creation o meaning in, and practices
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o, barebacking in episodic sex. 1he paper also relects on recent discussions about
barebacking where inection is a possible intention.

Methods
1his paper is one in a series o papers prepared rom a larger study that has used a
qualitatie research design to inestigate the meanings, reasons and social circumstances
underpinning practices o barebacking among younger same-sex attracted men. 1he
methods used, while briely described in this paper, are described in detail in the
literature ,Ridge et al., 199, Ridge et al., 1999,.

avptivg
Principles o theoretical sampling were used to locate inormants and direct interiew
questions within interiews to deelop and clariy the analysis ,Strauss and Corbin 1990,.
1he two main categories used in the inal theoretical sampling model were longest eer
partnership,relationship` ,oer one year, less than one year, one or ew sexual encounters
per partner,, and commercial gay scene inolement ,none or limited, more extensie,.
1he theoretical sampling model changed signiicantly oer the course o the study, and
so in practice, the sampling ramework turned out to be a hybrid o theoretical and quota
sampling. 1he ages o the inormants ranged rom 19 to 36, although most men were in
their 20s. lormal interiews with 24 inormants were conducted, with interiews lasting 2
hours on aerage. Around hal o these inormants took part in a second, shorter
interiew o about 1 hour. Second ,and occasionally third, interiews were spaced by an
order o months, proiding the study with some limited longitudinal data. 1he quotes in
this paper do not coer the ull spectrum o inormants since not all men were
experienced in episodic sex.

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Data gatberivg proce..e.
Interiews were conducted through a multistage process. 1he irst stage inoled a ace
to ace meeting,s, or telephone conersation,s, in order to establish rapport and address
any concerns around the sensitie topic o barebacking. 1he second stage inoled
ormal interiews in which recursie interiewing ,using an interiew guide, was used to
explore sexual experiences. Interiews were tape-recorded, ully transcribed and double-
checked or accuracy. Discussions and telephone calls encouraged at the end o the
interiews and between interiews made up the third stage. 1he ourth stage inoled
disengagement with inormants - a long and incomplete process with some inormants.
1he ith and inal stage o interiewing inoled inormal discussion with a range o
inormants not interiewed ,e.g. other researchers, health proessionals, gay men,. A
journal was used to record ieldwork experiences, including key aspects o inormal
discussions, descriptions o inormants, obserations, impressions and emerging
conceptual issues.

Mavagivg ava ivterpretivg aata
A modiied approach to grounded theory ,inductiely interpreting concepts and themes
rom socially speciic phenomena in the data ,Strauss & Corbin, 1990,, was used in the
analysis o the data. 1hat is, general theories rom the literature that shed light on the
data were incorporated into the grounded` analysis ,Layder, 1993,. Such an approach is
important in oercoming the inadequacy o pure grounded theory that tends to ocus the
attention o the researcher on the detail at the expense o the bigger picture. Analysis
inoled interactie reading, coding, analytical induction, writing storylines and
typologising. 1he NUDIS1 qualitatie computer sotware package was used or
management, coding and retrieal o the more than 500 A4 pages o data generated by
the study. All quotes used in this paper are identiied with pseudonyms.
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Understanding Sexual Meanings
1he study tapped into a wide ariety o meanings underpinning anal sex and barebacking.
As will be indicated shortly, these meanings were contextual, and requently had an
emotional basis. A number o meanings attributed to sex were common to the 24 men,
particularly those to do with masculinity, while others were more esoteric. Gien the
limitations to space, this paper only reports on the common meanings. Additionally, it
was clear that men attributed multiple meanings to particular sexual experiences, and
meanings tended to be in lux, layered and een contradictory. Although this paper
presents common themes in a snap shot`, the realities reported by men are much more
dynamic and changeable in a way that is hard to capture in an academic paper. 1his paper
represents but one attempt to separate out the arious elements inoled in sex or the
purpose o clearer explanation. 1his categorisation should not be taken as suggesting that
sexual meanings are easily deined and well delineated rom one another.

1he analysis showed that sexual meanings could be understood along a number o
dimensions. Common dimensions ,briely discussed here, included signiicance, the
degree o gut eeling inoled, relationality, authenticity and oertness. Sexual encounters
were attributed with arying degrees o signiicance by men, depending on the
circumstances. lor instance, irst sexual experiences tended to be highly signiicant.
Similarly, sex with a highly desirable partner and,or inoling a special emotional
connection, or a particular act - especially anal sex - could be attributed with particular
signiicance. By the same token, some sexual encounters were considered mundane. In
terms o gut eeling`, meanings at the gut eeling` end o the spectrum tended to be
basic and emotional ,e.g. excitement, ear, anger, and were requently associated with
bodily sensations. At the other end o the spectrum, meanings were more complex and
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culturally mediated ,e.g. augmenting masculinity,. \hile gut eelings tended to be
immediate and experienced as authentic, more complex meanings could be experienced
as less authentic i they were at odds with inormants` eelings. Although sex could hae
indiidualized meanings ,e.g. pleasure, tension release,, sex or the study participants was
also requently relational in meaning, taking on meanings such as loe, connection and
romance, een in episodic encounters. It was also clear that men could be more or less
aware o the meanings that sex and barebacking held or them. It was as i some layers o
meaning resided in the conscious mind, and other layers were more submerged. It was
only in retrospect that some men were better able to grasp the meanings particular sexual
sessions had.

pecific veavivg.
Masculinity
lor these study participants, sexual desires and interpretations tended to be organized
around the importance o masculinity in their lies. Men were attracted to men because
o their male bodies and dispositions. Accounts o sex were brimming with masculinized
meanings, including sex inoling experimentation, initiation ,see below,, deeloping
technique, contracts between men ,see below,, not being a sissy`, letting go`, taking the
risk, adenture, getting dirty` and trangression ,see below,. Maleness was a subjectiity
or these men that was experienced through the body and isa-ersa ,Grosz, 1995,. 1his
was clearly eident in descriptions o the smell o sweat, rough` sex play, wrestling, and
muscles grinding. 1here was a real sense o sharing in and celebrating masculine
subjectiity through embodiment.

I was just thinking how incredibly hot it was to hae this stud sort o ucking
me.1hat he was inside me and giing himsel to me and so on. And in that sense
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he represented all the you know..all that masculinity and that strength and so on
that I, you know wanted it up inside me. - NIC

\hile receptie anal sex was considered a eminising act by some, the meanings o anal
sex were negotiated in practice, and receptie anal sex could take on masculine meanings.
lor instance, Nic ,below, deeloped a antasy ,and which had only eer been a antasy at
the time o interiew, about being receptie in barebacking and receiing semen as a
means o boosting his own masculinity. Indeed, condoms in anal sex could mitigate
against masculinized meanings such as eeling adenturous and transgression, as Michael
explained in a episode o barebacking ,below,.

And it`s like..it`s almost like this man is injecting some o his masculinity into
me...giing me some o that. And so I ind it |receptie anal sex[ a ery augmenting
experiences as opposed to a diminishing experience.In a sense, it`s sort o like me
taking something rom him. - NIC

.any physical relationship with any person, is ery bounded and ery careul and
ery sae and ery.you are neer being dangerous or radical. And that was quite a
sexual thrill to do something dangerous. It is going beyond the boundaries, that is
what sex is all about.about breaking the taboos. It |barebacking[ was an
incredible thrill. - MIClALL

As part o engaging in and experiencing anal sex as meaningul, men generally needed to
be initiated into anal sex with men. lor these study participants, initiation had arying
degrees o success, with some inormants describing their ailure to become initiated or
a range o reasons, such as physical pain, ear o eminisation and simply not
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experiencing eroticism. Initiation - particularly through initial painul experiences - was
acilitated by alued meanings, including experimenting, letting go and loe. Initiations
had important implications or patterns o sexual saety. Some participants aoided
receptie barebacking because they hae neer been initiated into anal sex. 1hose who
were initiated into anal sex at relatiely early ages sometimes barebacked out o
inexperience. 1hese early experiences came with reports o lack o knowledge about lIV
transmission as well as reports o being emotionally oerwhelmed by the experience.

1his was 1984. I knew nothing about AIDS. I had neer heard o it. Maybe I had
but I had no idea what it was all about. So I was just ucking him and I came and
he said.I quite distinctly remember him saying to me, Did you come in me` I
think he was asking that with some disapproal, what I had done. And I said \es
o course I did. It was abulous`, you know. ROCK\

Instrumentality
Instrumentality in sex - that is, sex used to address speciic issues, oten emotionally
diicult matters - was common among study participants. Sex was used to deal with a
range o eelings, such as insecurity, rejection, eelings o worthlessness and anger. \hile
inormants were not always aware o the instrumental nature o their sex encounters, in
hindsight, this is how some sexual encounters were understood by the men. Indeed,
some men elt that much o their sexual lies were instrumental in nature. In
circumstances where powerul eelings were expressed instrumentally, barebacking was a
possibility. lor example, unprotected ucking represented an attempt by Robert to
process anger, hurt and conusion around his sexuality, and condoms were not always a
priority in this scenario.

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It`s like I`ll uck this guy, and it`s like that guy represents the world. And um, and
I`m ucking the world.. Cause..no one`s allowed me to be who I want to be. And
I`m trying desperately to break it up..um out o this little mould that eeryone just
put me in. And um..yeh..and the only way I can do that is to. I think is to uck
people. luck them..and i that means ucking unsaely, that means ucking
unsaely. - ROBLR1

Contracts and compulsion
Many men talked as though there were tacit contracts` between themseles and their
sexual partners that required them to complete sex to orgasm, een i they changed their
mind during sex.

Len when it was in..that`s when I elt oh shit` you know..I don`t eel like doing it
you know. I mean I start it, I`ll continue it. And that`s it. - 1OMM\

I picked up another guy in a nightclub. 1he trouble with pubs is that you can`t
always see them can you..until it is too late. So I got this guy into the street lights
and he was hideous, but it was too late..I just didn`t want to hae sex with him,
but I did. - MIClALL

lor these men, responsibilities in such contracts included allowing open access, aoiding
oence to partners, not prick teasing`, ulilling obligations, pleasing partners and
inishing what had been started.

I did do it because I elt obligated to.It`s just that since I was there and had my
clothes o..might as well just get it oer and done with. - DLNIS
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\hile recognizing the contractual nature o encounters, some men were more inclined to
break contracts than were others. Neertheless, sot ways oten needed to be ound to
break a contract ,e.g. I`m too drunk,. 1he diiculties inoled in breaking contracts
complicates sexual negotiations because men can hae problems reusing unwanted sex
actiities. On a related issue, a number o men talked about the male sex drie as strong
and uninterruptible, some to the extent that they saw themseles almost as passie
bystanders to their own dries. Other men came to question the notion that their sex
dries had such command oer them. lor instance, in his 20s, Michael came to
understand his leel o sexual drie to be linked to his burning` need to eel wanted and
in control.

I would hae thought rom my adolescence.that I was sexually ery actie and
ery drien.But what I ound was that as soon as I had it, sex on tap, I lost
interest incredibly rapidly.I I got into bed and he wasn`t interested in sex, I
would go at him until he got interested. And then it would be like, well that`s all
right, he wants me, that is okay, I can relax now. And then I would lose interest in
it. - MIClALL

A ew men went urther and utilized the language o sex dries to explain barebacking.
Robert understood a building sex drie as diicult to control, challenging his resole to
hae only sae sex at a sex-on-premises enue.

le was ery attractie and he was just lying there like a beached whale and wasn`t
giing me no eedback.And I though Oh no..this ones been drinking`.So I
went down on him, and then again, like I said, I came up. And as I did that..I came
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up..I ucked him. I didn`t ask him..I mean I was eeling really horny, and um I
hadn`t had nothing or something like three hours or something like that.
- ROBLR1

At some ill-deined point, being highly sexed crosses into the realm o compulsieness`
,Bartos et al., 1993,. A number o inormants reported periods o eeling they were not in
control o their sexual encounters: I couldn`t sort o stop it. I sort o thought I needed it
like a ix type thing.` ,Nathan,. lor these men, compulsie sex, as with other instrumental
sex, was a means o dealing with a range o eelings. A number o men, like Anthony, did
come to understand that his compulsieness, although sae, pointed to deeper issues.
Compulsion was also linked to barebacking in speciic circumstances. Barry was lIV
positie but did not consciously set out to inect other men. lis practice o unprotected
anal sex at a beat had multiple meanings and was linked to his impulsieness and his
desires to eel alie and wanted. lis quote highlights the centrality o the need to grapple
with emotions underpinning practices o barebacking.or not sex is safe.

.I did it because I thought my only concern to mysel is how worthless I am. And
eery time I did it, it made me eel worse. So it just went around and around..
- AN1lON\

I just couldn`t hold it anymore..Maybe I was trying to punish mysel. I don`t
know. Or maybe I was just craing the contact.the physical contact again. I
wanted to hae some o the knowledge that een though I had AIDS or lIV, I
was still alie and could be wanted`` - BARR\
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lIV risk
Ater many years o the epidemic, most men in this study had heard about lIV and had
had good knowledge about sae sex beore they had started haing sex with men. It was
clear rom the analysis, howeer, that public health discourses about lIV transmission
co-exist and compete with other discourses ,e.g. media, word-o-mouth, in the minds o
these men. Men do not automatically accept public health discourses. Instead, men actiret,
interpret and synthesize discourses about risk ,Bartos et al., 1993,. 1his means that men
who pursued lIV risk reduction strategies did so by striing or approaches that made
sense ritbiv their own meaning rameworks. Robert synthesized the limited health
inormation aailable to him on lIV to his own experiences o getting into trouble as a
boy. le concluded that the actie agent in an actiity was an important basis or being
wrong`. 1hus, Robert initially thought that being the penetratie partner in barebacking
was the dangerous actiity, and that receptie unprotected anal sex was sae.

.i you`re the naughty boy at home or school..then you..then you cop it, not
eeryone else..I thought i I`m going to be the naughty one and uck without a
condom, then I`m the one.I`m the one that`s going to cop it. - ROBLR1

Some men cast lIV inected people as other` to themseles. 1he construction o the
social other could work to decrease or increase the sense o lIV risk or study
participants depending on where inormants happened to situate themseles in relation
to this other at the time o sex. It is known that men who eel they are not like men who
get lIV may underestimate the risk o their behaiours ,Gold, 2000,. loweer, a sense
o risk can be inlated i men eel they hae come into contact with, or een become, this
other, een i they themseles had been sae as Nathan was.
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19

Simply because I had sex with another guy, I was just sure then I was going to be
|lIV[ positie. - NA1lAN

Nathan also reported eeling earul that he might become lIV positie i he had ,sae,
sex with a guy who turned out not to be concerned about the use o condoms in anal
sex. Along with Nathan, a number o men talked about irrational ears o contamination
through gay sex, particularly earlier on in their sexual lies. Such ears ocused around
AIDS. lor men who had a Catholic upbringing, eelings o contamination and guilt
could lead to an underlying ear o AIDS as punishment or sin, regardless o the
coexistence o more rational understandings o AIDS.

I suppose there is a deep down ear that AIDS would be my punishment. And I
know rationally that`s rubbish. - NIC

\eah I elt sinul, I elt wrong. I elt like I was going to get AIDS and all that. 1hat
was the irst time |or sex[ - DLNIS

At some leel, a number o inormants elt they could sense the likely lIV status o a
sexual partner through appearances and knowing`. Neertheless, the clash o discourses
about sae sex can be recognized, as happened with Martin midway through a sentence.

.not to be good riends beore you hae sex with them, but just to talk to them,
and to ind out what sort o person they are. I think rom there you can
guess..\ell you can`t can you Can`t tell whether they are lIV positie.I think
with sae sex, you`e just got to play it sae or not at all. - MAR1IN
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20

1he Social Dynamics of Barebacking
1he dynamics inoled in sex included those to do with the sel and the interaction itsel.
In terms o the sel, thought, internal dialogues and antasies emerged as important in the
description o encounters. 1he key interactional dynamics mentioned were non-erbal
communication and directing ,manoeuring, o sexual actiities.

Mind issues
As already intimated, emotionally charged meanings are brought into, and emerge in,
sexual encounters. \hile thought processes trigger and mediate emotions,meanings, the
emotional content is clearly important in the grounding o sexual meanings and
dynamics.

1here was plenty o eidence rom the interiews that men engaged in internal dialogues
during sex that had implications or behaiours, such as the elaborate way that Nic went
about ulilling a desire while aoiding perceied judgement rom his partner.

And I can remember I wanted to taste his cum.And I wanted to taste it but I
didn`t want him to know that I wanted to taste it. So when we had inished, I went
to the bathroom and sort o made a show o washing my mouth out and so on, but
really wanting to taste it..Swallowing cum was something that was being rowned
upon I guess at that time. And I didn`t want him to think that that was what I was.
- NIC

lollowing on rom Gold ,2000,, there was a good deal o eidence o heat o the
moment` thinking that could include sel-justiications to engage in potentially risky
16/03/2007

21
unprotected anal sex, such as my partner looks too healthy to hae lIV`. Additionally,
inormants reported thinking states during sex that were not directly related to sexual
saety, but that neertheless had implications or condom use. lor instance, some
inexperienced men had not een thought about the elements inoled in sex and being
sae until they ound themseles in the situation. In the thrill o irst encounters, there
can be other thoughts and emotions that are taking up mental space.

le didn`t ,use condoms,. No I remember that ery clearly. No he didn`t. It
,condoms, didn`t cross my mind. I suppose it didn`t cross my mind because it was
sort o the irst time, well not the irst time.But because like I had other thoughts
on my mind. Like ,I was thinking, 1his is the irst time ,or anal sex,.what`s it
going to be like Is it going to be sore I didn`t know what to expect. And like you
had other things happening in your head to een realize and think. condoms.
sae sex. - JACQUL

In some situations where men hae actually thought about sexual risk, sex can occur too
quickly to ully process thoughts about condoms. It is clear that or some men on some
occasions, other eelings, thoughts and antasies take priority oer sexual saety.

It was neer really talked about. Sometimes we`d reach oer and grab them,
sometimes it happened too quickly to sort o grab them um.Soon as we walked
in the ront door, bang, it was in, you know. 1hat`s what he wanted, that`s what I
gae him. - 1IM

Not only did inormants with little experience o lIV,AIDs iew the risk o contracting
lIV as relatiely remote, they iewed it as increasingly remote as time progressed
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22
without incident. Still, an experience that disrupts a remote perspectie on lIV risk -
such as a seroconersion scare - can result in men with a desire to aoid lIV taking
more care to minimize uture risks.

Communication
Communication was important or these men, yet discussion was the less common kind
o communication during sex. Len i men were open to discussions, they sometimes
ound that their partners were not. More common kinds o communication included
shared understandings`, basic erbal utterances ,e.g. dirty talk, and non-erbal
communication, including directing the moes o partners.

Inormants reported a kind o shared` understanding that emerged out o sex that
inoled unspoken decisions about condom use in anal sex. lor instance, through an
internal dialogue, Jacque determined that the unprotected anal sex he had at a beat was a
shared` decision despite no erbal communication taking place, while the shared`
understanding or Barry and his partner was that condoms would be used.

It ,barebacking, actually got the adrenalin rushing by that stage and sort o like, I
thought yeah, let`s do it. Sort o like..it`s going to happen sooner or later. 1o put it
ery delicately. So we let it happen. - JACQUL

But the other thing I ound too was we used condoms..but it just happened. 1here
was no..\hat are we going to do low do you want.`. It was just as i we
understood each other and we`d been doing it all our lies. - BARR\

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23
Any erbal communication in episodic sex tended to be short and congruous with the
sex, particularly dirty talk`. Dirty talk enhanced the meaning o the sex, without
disrupting it. It was also used to communicate needs. \hen men who were committed to
sae sex met men who were prepared to hae unprotected anal sex, it was sometimes
diicult to talk about the issue gien the constraints on communication.

Directing was a mode o sexual interaction that emerged strongly in the accounts gien
by the men. Directing is used in attempts to indicate desire or, and manoeure sexual
partners into, arious positions and sexual actiities. In directing, there are attempts to
initiate, guide or alter sexual actiities using moement, with or without other orms o
communication. 1he result o directing may be desired transitions in sexual actiities
without a word being spoken. Some skilled directors can manoeure a partner into sexual
actiities with relatie ease, as happened or Jeremy with a high school mate.

I think I was kind o directed ,into anally penetrating a partner without a
condom,.And yeah, also it`s kind o instinctie in a way.It must hae.I mean
it was his kind o initiatie. - JLRLM\

Other times, men are able to direct sex away rom certain unwanted actiities without
een haing to broach the topic or interrupt the sexual low.

\hile clumsy directing can backire, skilul directing means that men are sometimes
directed into actiities against their better judgement, and beore they are altogether
cognizant o what is happening, as Michael experienced at a beat.

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24
.like i somebody is pushing your head down towards their dick, you just push
back up again and that is it. And they know that you are not interested in that.
- MIClALL

.he was ery keen and he wanted me to uck him. le didn`t actually say that to
me, i he actual said it I probably |would`e[ addressed it more directly. But all that
happened was sort o.I was with him and.and he was rubbing my dick against
his arse which is ine, I don`t mind that. And then.I realised that he was starting
to take me inside him. And I went with him, and I did it, and enjoyed it. Len
though.I knew.that lIV was there alie and well and liing. - MIClALL

Power
1he negotiation o power was a routine issue in these study participants` sexual lies. All
men had some orm o power. 1here were numerous oundations or power in these
men`s lies including experience, strength o sel, social status, skill and appearance. In
sex, the dynamics o power waxed and waned as social interactions unolded and
circumstances changed. In the complex negotiation o sexual encounters, it was possible
or men to perceie themseles as haing more or less power than their partner. Jeremy`s
quote below also points to the puzzling nature o the issue - it was diicult or Jeremy to
sense i the iolated` partner was at all complicit in the eent.

.so there was this guy who was really cute. And there`s me and this ,other, guy
kind o like going or this guy..just saw him..both drunk..just mauled him with our
hands. And..yeah, it was really nasty cause he had..I mean we were all drunk but he
couldn`t resist obiously. I mean he was too pissed. A bit o a iolation.
- JLRLM\
16/03/2007

25

On occasions, sex could inole conlict or een iolence. 1o an extent, aggression was
ritualized in sex, again a celebration o masculinity: .and so it was like two animals
mauling each other or about ie hours.` ,Joss,. But sex could also be edgy and erupt
into conlict. 1here was an underlying anxiety and ear in many sexual encounters
described.

And so we came back home. And I bought him back here, basically because um.
1his will sound stupid, but basically because I knew where the knies were, i it
came to that. - JOSS

.the only thing I was a little worried about..but that added to the sense o
adenture, was that, you know, he might be a crim and he`s going to do me oer or
something like that. - DAMIAN

Some sex could be interpreted as coercie or een abusie. A number o inormants
reported that their partners could be ery persistent, pressuring them into unwanted sex,
including unprotected anal sex ,see John below,. On rare occasions, sexual encounters
ended in orced penetration, particularly or men like 1im who were in their teens at the
time.

Met him at a sex club I think yeah. And we started..went back to his place the next
night and stayed the night and it was really loely..,the, guy said he loed me. le
asked i he could hae anal sex with me and I said, No..I`m not ready or it yet.` So
he said \ell take your stu and uck o.` So I did. I neer saw him again either.
- JOlN
16/03/2007

26

.one night, we ,a man 1im met at a beat when he was 15, went to a motel or
some reason. I though it was a bit weird. And he actually did it orcibly which
reaked me out a bit.le pinned my legs back you know.there was no way I
could stop it. I can remember going back to his house like a week later, really angry
and read to sort o you know.this is it you know, you`re really going to get into
big trouble buddy. Um..and he had moed out o his house and I think to me, I
igured that`s why he`d done it.I think I cried. I`m not really sure. I just
remember being upset and I elt really dirty and betrayed. - 1IM

\hile more power is oten attributed to the male partner in heterosexual sex and the
insertie partner in gay sex ,Connell & Dowsett, 1992,, interpreting the accounts o these
men through such a eminist lens does not necessarily help the analysis here. Certainly,
the insertie partner has power when they get away with not using a condom and
ejaculate inside the person ,e.g. see Rocky,, or i they decide to coerce a partner into
being receptie, as was 1im`s unortunate experience. Clearly though, power is not ixed
- the receptie partner has power and can be more powerul at arious times. \itness
the preious accounts o Michael who elt his receptie partner managed to sidestep his
own misgiings about the risk o lIV, or Jeremy ,who elt he was kind o directed` into
anally penetrating a partner without a condom,, or een Nic who was ully in control o
his antasy about men ejaculating inside him to bolster his own masculinity ,In a sense,
it`s sort o like me taking something rom him`,. Peter below describes a scenario where
whateer power an insertie partner might hae had was quickly dismissed.

.1hen he just tried to shoe it in. And I just turned around and said, that`s not
going to it in there.` And um..he said, Oh come on, let me do it.` I said No!` le
16/03/2007

27
said Come on!` and sort o started to grab me a bit more roughly and I said No!`
An dthen he got pissed o. le zipped up and let. And I just thought you ucking
loser. - PL1LR


Conclusion
Rather than inding themseles in a sae sex culture` as suggested by preious research
on gay communities ,Kippax et al., 1993,, these study participants tended to ind
themseles in situations where barebacking was a real possibility ,Ridge et al., 199,. It
was easy or men who had neer been initiated into anal sex to aoid lIV risks. lor
other men, it was common or them to ind themseles in situations where partners were
willing to engage in unprotected anal sex, or where they themseles could instigate
unprotected anal sex i they so desired. Rather than abstract concepts such as gay
community attachment` or sae sex culture` proiding insights into patterns o
barebacking among these participants, the results show that it is men`s own meanings
and circumstances o sex that determine whether or not condoms are used or anal sex
,Ridge et al., 199,. It is clear that broad and uniying understandings o sex cannot
explain these study participants` experiences.

1he narraties suggest that sex, including anal penetration, does not hae ixed meanings
based on dichotomies such as actie,passie. On the contrary, the accounts o
inormants hae conirmed that sex is a repository or a range o meanings, where
meanings tend to be contextualized, luid, emotionally based, multiple, layered and
constructed through sexual practice ,Plummer, 1991, Daies et al., 1993,. \hile men
bring meanings into encounters, sexual interactions themseles proide opportunities or
the urther negotiation and unolding o meanings. Indeed, een contradictory meanings
16/03/2007

28
could exist in the minds o participants at the one time. Additionally, it was clear in this
study that or some inormants, layers o meaning could reside outside the realm o
awareness at the time o sex. 1his meant that meanings, desires and antasies could take
inormants by surprise, or only be appreciated in retrospect.

Importantly, while cognition and social relations trigger and mediate eelings, meanings
in sex hae an emotional content that plays a role in whether or not men prioritise the
use o condoms in barebacking, regardless o leels o knowledge about sae sex. lor
instance, barebacking could be a means o expressing anger, expressing an emotional
closeness or instrumentally dealing with problems. \hile there was a range o speciic
meanings uncoered or episodic sex in this study, meanings tended to be organized
around the emotional and symbolic importance o masculinity. Masculine-related
meanings o sex tended to be embodied and had implications or the use o condoms in
anal sex. lor instance, barebacking could be a mode o letting go`, be about muscles
grinding, a means o celebrating masculinity and enturing beyond boundaries or eeling
adenturous and ree.

Men in the study oerwhelmingly had good understandings about sae sex. Neertheless,
they were actiely synthesising public health and other discourses about lIV risk. Public
health discourses competed and merged with other discourses in the minds o these men,
who selected and adapted such discourses to their own circumstances and meaning
rameworks.

Prominent sexual dynamics described by men with implications or the practice o
barebacking included mind issues, communication, directing and power. Inormants
engaged in internal dialogues during sex, with implications or sexual saety. 1he act that
16/03/2007

29
men appeared to hae limited rather than expansie capacities to process thoughts during
sex had real implications or saety. It appeared as though thoughts and eelings about a
range o issues ,e.g. excitement, could diert the limited attention aailable away rom the
need or sexual saety.

Verbal communication was limited in episodic sex or these men. Instead, they relied on
shared` understandings and directing`. Both modes o communication were used to
initiate or aoid barebacking. In situations where barebacking was an outcome, such
modes o communication could moe sex quickly enough into barebacking that men
were not be ocused on the need or saety.

Just like emotions and meanings, power permeated the sexual experiences o these study
participants, and the lux o perceied power meant that men elt they had more or less
control than their partners in certain circumstances. \hile aggression in sex tended to be
ritualized and benign, there was the potential or the eruption o conlict, and een
coercion and abuse.

1he indings discussed hae a number o implications or uture public health research
and or health promotion practices and policies. Clearly, the results point to the alue o
closely listening to the oices and experiences o younger same-sex attracted men in any
uture research or preention eorts. I this does not happen, then men will ind it
diicult to identiy their experiences o barebacking with the messages about
barebacking and sae sex coming rom educators. 1his process o listening has already
begun. \hereas the early sae sex message was condoms always` or anal sex, these days
there is much more recognition that men will engage in unprotected anal intercourse
,barebacking, and disengage with messages that do not make sense in their lies. 1hey
16/03/2007

30
may actiely resist the condom police`, as we hae seen with the deelopment o gay
Internet sites that promote barebacking. 1hey will try to reclaim the intimacy o sex
without condoms while more or less minimising risk. lor instance, it is known that ar
ewer men engage in barebacking with episodic partners than with regular partners or
whom lIV status is more likely to be known ,Prestage et al., 199,. It is also known that
some men gauge that lIV positie men on treatments with low iral loads are not as
inectie ,\olitski, 2001,.

It is clear rom the results that men gain insights into how unsae barebacking can
happen and be aoided in their lies through eperievce. lence, the challenge ahead is to
honour experience and the meanings men attribute to their own experiences. And this is
the limitation o wide-scale media campaigns aimed at lIV preention. \hile such
campaigns could better relect the meanings men attribute to barebacking, they do not
substitute or experience. A key insight rom this study is that men became more aware
o their experiences and eelings in sex in retrospect ,and sometimes through being
interiewed!,. Lmotional literacy, then, is a key skill to promote. 1he emotional literacy
moement is recasting eelings as the basis o clear thinking, optimal wellbeing and
health promoting behaiours, rather than just a barrier as was once thought ,Bocchino,
1999,. 1he current study points to the alue o young same-sex attracted men grappling
with the emotional aspects o sex in order to become more aware o their eelings,
needs, choices and responsibilities with respect to sexual saety. Proessionals can help
here by creating sae spaces or men that promote sel-relection. 1his can happen in a
wide ariety o situations, including GP isits, discussion groups, counselling or een
theatre. Many proessionals will require urther training to help men in this way. 1here is
a range o eeling-related issues that could be tackled, including being male, sexual
contracts, ears, anger, loe, responsibility and past abuse - certainly the research is
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31
showing a link between unresoled childhood abuse and greater lIV risks ,Jinich et al.,
1998, Mayne et al., 1998, \olitski et al., 2001,.

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