Dhawi Binshalhoub ENGH 121-AC6 Final paper of ALA Word Count: 1461 Academic Language Analysis of Scientific Writing

In the article Taking Account of Privacy when designing Cloud Computing Services, the author Siani Pearson, a principal research scientist in the Security and Cloud Research Lab and Oxford University graduate, claims that although Cloud Computing is the future, there are many privacy concerns that arise from Cloud Computing. However, she provides possible solutions to decrease the risks associated with Cloud Computing. In a scientific paper, research and experimentation is done to come to a conclusion or confirm a hypothesis that the author presents in the paper. This paper will analyze some of the articles language and organizational structure such as organization, specialized vocabulary, tone, quotations, pattern, and methodology. Siani Pearsons language and organizational structure is very comprehendible and well organized for readers: She clearly identifies topics, provides background information, and implements various fundamental aspects of English academic such the use of specialized vocabulary, quotations, and other features that impacts the article in a positive manner that allows readers less familiar with the topic and the English language to understand the article better. The organizational structure in the article Taking Account of Privacy when Designing Cloud Computing Services is well organized and clear. The author uses section headings to introduce a new Idea or topic. Furthermore, Pearson includes titles for each section heading to inform her readers about the content she is about to discuss. As an example, the author includes an abstract section to help her readers familiarize themselves with the papers topic. Then, she includes an Introduction paragraph that is more detailed than the abstract. Moreover, the author

seems to be very aware about the audience and her disciplines characteristics of writing. She goes above and beyond in subsequent paragraphs by implementing a model she consistently uses throughout the article, which is the inclusion of sub section headings to provide more information about said topic. This is illustrated in the article when Pearson names one of her headings 2. Why is it Important to take privacy into account when designing cloud services, then incorporates a sub section heading titled 2.1. What is privacy? . Another aspect included in the organizational structure of the article was the addition of bullet points. As I analyzed the article, I noticed that the author would use bullet points when defining a specialized vocabulary word that had broad meaning. According to Business Dictionary.com, the term personal information is defined as Recorded information about an identifiable individual. However, with the use of bullet points, the author manages to confine the term personal information within the computer science context. I believe the structure of this article reflects more aspects on the authors methods then the particular discipline. While discipline specific papers are usually geared towards people who are informed about the topic, this article was written with a broader audience in mind, which was implemented. In short, Siani Pearsons structural arrangement was logically designed, allowing the articles ideas and topics to become clear to readers. Now that I have analyzed the organizational structure, it is time to focus on the terminology of the article. In the article Taking Account of Privacy when Designing Cloud Computing Services the use of specialized vocabulary is clearly visible. Terminology used in the article should be familiar to native speakers of the English language. Many of the repeated words include privacy, security, information, and challenge. In the first page alone, these words are included approximately 40 times. Although these words are used in everyday conversations, the author

clearly demonstrates the significance of these words in the cloud-computing article. The author also uses many specialized vocabulary words that more confined within the cloud-computing article such as systems, computers, storage and social networks. One of the reiterated words in the article is cloud, which is also included in the title of the article. By itself, the word would mean the sky to many people. However, in this article, cloud is used as a specific term to define the data consumers place on external severs for them to retrieve later. The author uses a good combination of recognizable words and specialized words to connect ideas and help the reader familiarize them with specific terms in the discipline. Moreover, the repetition of these words emphasizes to the reader these are the concerns and issues people involved in the area think about constantly. In other words, terminology that is more restricted to the topic is clearly identifiable to readers. After reviewing the vocabulary in the article, let us focus on the authors tone. After careful analysis, Siani Pearsons tone in the article can be summed up as objective and subjective tones: With the objective tone having a stronger presence throughout the article. Being objective represents a tone not influenced by personal feelings or opinions but swayed by facts. While subjective tone is based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions. The objective tone used by the author suggests that she relied to data done in the field to support her writing. For example, the author writes Users fears of leakage of commercially sensitive data and loss of data privacy may be justified: in 2007, the cloud service provider Salesforce.com sent a letter to a million subscribers describing how customer emails and addresses had been stolen by cybercriminals (p.44). This distinctly shows that Pearson supports her claims by including factual evidence. Furthermore, she provides the readers with the references to those studies. Yet later in the article, the author incorporates a heading titled What types of

information need to be protected? She then goes on to list of information that should be protected. However, the author does not provide a basis for her argument like expert analysis or surveys conducted to assure the reader that this is the information that should be protected: thus making her suggestion merely an opinion and subjective. In brief, Siani Pearson uses both a objective and subjective tones to relay the information in the article to the reader. Now that we have examined the tone of the article, let us take a look the effect of quotations in the article. In the article Taking Account of Privacy when Designing Cloud Computing Services, there is very little use of direct quotes: the author instead implements indirect quotations on a regular basis. Analyzing the article, I could not find more than 3 direct quotes. However, the author uses many indirect quotes as a basis for her article, which is supported by the references section in her article: that includes 37 references to other work conducted by experts in the field. The authors possibly reasoning for applying such a method was her audience. Perhaps she used indirect quotes to make this article accessible and comprehendible to a wide range of readers who would otherwise have difficulty understanding the terminology that some experts use in their publications. The use of indirect quotes may have negatively affected her ability to publish this article as scholarly writing due to the easiness of the reading, but her credentials do make her qualified. Overall, the Pearson decided to use more indirect quotes instead of direct quotes although she had expert analysis. Siani Pearson uses a small range of sentence structures to help form her article. She mostly uses compound sentences within her writing. In one of her paragraphs, the author uses 3 compound sentences to form a paragraph consisting of 74 words. As an example, she writes, Privacy is a fundamental human right, enshrined in the United Nations Universal Declaration of

Human Rights and the European Convention on Human Rights (p.44). Another example of her constant use of compound sentences is The privacy challenge for software engineers is to design cloud services in such a way as to decrease privacy risk, and to ensure legal compliance (p.45). This shows that the author attempted to connect and develop ideas by adding details. By adding these details, such as the one she used in the sentence above to describe the significance of privacy, she connects a term and adds credibility from a recognized and respected institution such as the United Nations. This method is important any form of discipline to add credibility to ones writing. In conclusion, the article Taking Account of Privacy when Designing Cloud Computing Services uses many language aspects of the English language such as structure, terms, tones, quotes, and sentence complexity in an effective way to provide the reader with a thought-out and organized paper that is understandable for readers who are less fluent in the English language and follows the guidelines of scientific method writing.

References Pearson, S. (2009, March 6). Taking Account of Privacy when Designing Cloud Computing Services. www.hpl.hp.com/. Retrieved December 1, 2013 from http://www.hpl.hp.com/techreports/2009/HPL-2009-54.html.

c a. Introduction is logically arranged and contains the article title, the publication, the authors name and credibility information, and the articles main/central idea

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b. Thesis statement makes a claim about effects of the linguistic 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 and structural features of the article in relation to the epistemology, value, or methods of the discipline Half done. See above. c. Multiple accurate examples are used to substantiate claim. d. Examples are explained and thoroughly analyzed Some but not all. e. Terms and concepts are correctly used and clearly defined when necessary f. Each paragraph introduces and develops one main idea g. Ideas flow logically and smoothly; appropriate and varied transitions Need work on transitional elements between major points h. Conclusion restates thesis in a different way It will be easy to improve the conclusion after you fill out the thesis, as advised above 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Final Draft Student 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Revised based on feedback. Did write what aspects I was analyzing 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 included linguistic, structural, methods of discipline. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 added transition sentences from major points. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Revised and added as instructed in comments.

i. Tone is neutral and objective throughout j. Word choice (including word forms) is appropriate, academic, nuanced, and varied k. Reporting verbs clearly show where ideas come from and accurately reflect original authors tone and purpose l. All verbs are correct, including subject/verb agreement and verb tense m. Grammar is correct, including article choice, pronouns, plurals, singulars & possessives n. Sentence structure is varied, sentences are formed correctly with no run-ons or fragments o. Punctuation and spelling are correct p. References list and in-text citations are complete and formatted correctly Reference items need hanging indenting. In-text citations need space after period OVERALL:

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I revised my paper by following instructions given in the comments section. However, I also felt some comments were written prematurely (some comments mentioned I had not given

examples or analyzed the data is was implementing, but I was.) 90