Top 10: Traits Of A Real Man

Better Man in brief ... A real man knows the difference between what's important and what isn't. A real man doesn't gossip - he shelters information and rations his words. Real men have taken their lumps and learned to defend themselves to succeed.

"A real man makes decisions and lives with the consequences. " To build a great house, you need a strong foundation upon which to assemble all the other pretty things. To build a great man, you also need a solid foundation upon which to add all the other little things that set the real men apart from the stronzos -- let's not piss around, the stuff inside matters most. Over the last few years of writing this little column, I've learned that too many men have no foundation, no basis on which to build the principles I teach. There are many ways to define a man, and different people have different definitions, so I'm going to skip all that crap and tell you the only thing you need to know: My way is the correct way and that's it, that's all. Capisce? a real man reads If you don't agree, go read the column of some guy from Arkansas who thinks owning a pickup truck is what defines a man. You'll see how far you get with his advice. Trait No. 1: A real man is strong A real man doesn't cry, doesn't moan, doesn't complain, doesn't get sick, and doesn't need to go to the doctor every time he sneezes. A real man makes decisions and lives with the consequences. A real man accepts responsibility for his actions and his words. A real man is firm. If life is a b*tch, a real man will slap it and move on. A real man is macho; a real man is tough; a real man doesn't show emotions. A real man is the backbone of his family and doesn't have time to be weak. If spiders scare you, you'll never be a real man. Trait No. 2: A real man is focused A real man knows the difference between what's important and what isn't. A real man doesn't waste time on stupidities that don't bring him any profit. Sure, there are things you can do as a hobby -- I like to shoot ducks -- but it must have a purpose. The purpose of my hobby is to improve my aim, and I don't have to tell you whether or not that's a useful thing in my line of work. A real man focuses on power, money and family. He doesn't focus on sex. Sex comes as a result of having power, money and a wife (and if she doesn't satisfy you, there are plenty of other women who will, especially when you are powerful and rich). Trait No. 3: A real man knows the importance of family A real man will keep his family strong and pass on his ancestors' history and traditions. A real man knows that his children are God's gift and should be treated as such, even if he disciplines them

from time to time. A real man must also remember his other Family, his organization. In my world, both my family and my Family hold the same importance; I protect them both with all my might. If you have a Family, don't forget where your loyalties lie and who has your back when you need it.

Better Man in brief ... A real man knows the difference between what's important and what isn't. A real man doesn't gossip - he shelters information and rations his words. Real men have taken their lumps and learned to defend themselves to succeed.

"A real man knows that, outside of his barber, all his personal hygiene needs must be taken care of by a woman." << Previous Page Trait No. 4: A real man doesn't gossip A real man follows omerta; he keeps his mouth shut. He shelters information and rations his words. A real man does not reveal more than he has to and doesn't engage in girlie talk about others. A real man doesn't discuss things he doesn't know about or people he has never met. Trait No. 5: A real man's word is his bond When a real man makes a promise, he keeps it. If he can't keep a promise, he doesn't give his word. A real man would rather die than break his word. A real man knows that his words are as powerful as his actions, and that they must be taken at face value. That is why he rations them (see above). Trait No. 6: A real man strives to be a role model A real man respects himself and others at all times, unless, of course, he has been disrespected. A real man sets an example for his disciples, and especially for his children. I never bring my work home, so my children only know me as their father and not as a waste management executive. You should do the same; a real man sets the tone for his children and keeps them from discovering that he has weaknesses. Trait No. 7: A real man makes his own fortune A real man doesn't settle for handouts or charity when it comes to his personal fortune. A real man isn't satisfied with papa's money. He spits on Lady Luck and decides his own destiny. A real man who inherits goods from his forefathers takes his inheritance and turns it into 10 times what it was. Trait No. 8: A real man doesn't look like a woman A real man doesn't have piercings and long hair, and he doesn't shave his chest. Manicures, however, are acceptable. Massages from female attendants are also tolerated. A real man knows that, outside of his barber, all his personal hygiene needs must be taken care of by a woman. A real man has at least three suits (with a mandatory pinstriped one) that cost more than a roomful of escorts. A real man wears a suit at least three times a week. Any man who doesn't know how to tie a tie should hand in his testicoli immediately.

Trait No. 9: A real man keeps his house in order Have you ever been inside the boss house? There aint no pizza boxes sitting around, there aint no undershirts on the floor, and there sure as hell aint no unpaid bills being used as beer coasters. No ruler can rule over a territory if he isnt already the master of his own home. This means you lazy pinheads out there need to stop using machismo as an excuse to live like a bottom-feeder; keep your sty spotless, keep your documents in order and -- listen up on this one -clean your freaking suits. See what you've done? I'm turning into freaking Moses over here

Better Man in brief ... A real man knows the difference between what's important and what isn't. A real man doesn't gossip - he shelters information and rations his words. Real men have taken their lumps and learned to defend themselves to succeed.

"A real man is the essence of manhood because, by definition, he has achieved the pinnacle of his role." << Previous Page Trait No. 10: A real man can defend himself You know whats missing in the world today? Leaders who have had to fight their way to the top. No joking, look at the head of any business thats circling the toilet bowl, and Ill show you a boss whose parents' power and money kept him from ever learning things the hard way. Every successful capo has been on the wrong end of a beatdown -- be it with words or be it with a set of A. Testonis. But those future capos got up again and again, until they knew how to stand their ground -- and that, my students, is when you can start to climb the ladder. lesson over So what have you learned here today, class? You learned that you have a lot of homework to do before you can call yourself a real man. A real man is the essence of manhood because, by definition, he has achieved the pinnacle of his role. You see? That was me trying to be a smart-ass. Here's a bonus trait: A real man keeps it simple. If you know big words, use them rarely and appropriately, at least in front of morons who think they're smarter than you. Remember, the stuff inside matters most. Lesson over. Watch your backs and keep your noses clean.

El varn debe demostrar su masculinidad con actos de valenta y fuerzay no manifestar debilidad fsica ni emocional. Frases "tradicionales" como: "los hombres no lloran" o "a golpes se hacen los hombres" son reflejos de aquellas expectativas. sobre el varn recae la responsabilidad de ser el "proveedor econmico " As el varn detenta el poder en el mbito pblico, (con sus exigencias de racionalidad, eficacia, xito, produccin Hacerse hombre es un proceso al que est sometido el varn desde la infancia y que implica que debe conocer el esfuerzo, la frustracin, y el dolor para ser aceptado como tal. Diversos autores subrayan que la masculinidad se construye de manera permanente bajo la mirada evaluativa de quienes rodean al varn, y la hombra se expone como medio de aprobacin, de otros hombres y mujeres, quienes valoran el desempeo. Ser varn est ligado a saber, poder, tener; ser importante, sentirse orgulloso y confiado de s mismo. Todas cualidades con un denominador comn: la potencia. Todos elementos impregnados con una fuerte carga que remite al denominador precedentemente explicitado: potencia. Al cual podran agregrsele algunos otros como competencia, proteccin, actividad, frialdad, agresividad, invulnerabilidad, fuerza, etc, Es as que para ser "buenos" varones, los hombres deberan exhibir su masculinidad con actos de coraje, audacia, intrepidez, bravura, y podero y no demostrar debilidad fsica ni emocional. . Deben exponer en forma permanente que cumplen con los mandatos y encargos sociales, que son fuertes, poderosos y agresivos, y que no son mujeres. La mujer y lo femenino representa el lmite, la frontera de la masculinidad, el que pasa la transgrede, se expone a ser calificado de poco hombre. los varones deben realizar grandes esfuerzos a lo largo de su vida por conservar su masculinidad despejando toda duda. a los varones se les ensea que si son hombres, tienen que poder arreglrselas solos. Los varones desde que nacen, son educados para triunfar. "Los nios son entrenados para que desarrollen su lado "activo" (valenta, agresin, competitividad) y repriman sus tendencias "pasivas" y emociona. Hay que evitar que se note el miedo.

1. Make real decisions.

A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path. When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesnt want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. Theres no guarantee hell reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesnt need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button. A man doesnt require the approval of others. Hes willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, its of little consequence if the entire world is against him.

2. Put your relationships second.

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker. A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. Hes not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values. Life will test the man to see if hes willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A mans greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.
3. Be willing to fail.

A man is willing to make mistakes. Hes willing to be wrong. Hed rather try and fail than do nothing. A mans self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesnt preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it. A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.
4. Be confident.

A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude. A man doesnt adopt a confident posture because he knows hell succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isnt because hes ignorant or suffering from denial. Its because hes proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies. A man is willing to be defeated by the world. Hes willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt.

He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. Hell surrender to fate when necessary, but he wont surrender to fear.
5. Express love actively.

A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for whats needed, and the first to say I love you. Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when hes in motion do the floodgates of abundance open. Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job his duty to share his love with the world. He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.
6. Re-channel sex energy.

A man doesnt hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because hes too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. Theres no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature. A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.) A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.
7. Face your fears.

For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. A mans fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows hes fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace. A man makes a friend of risk. He doesnt run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly. A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction.

A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.
8. Honor the masculinity of other men.

When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. The man knows its better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friends decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man wont deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage. When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, Here let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together? No, that would rob him of the growth experience and probably make a quick enemy of him as well. The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover whats truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him. A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.
9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.

A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back. A man doesnt blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt. A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior. A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships hes willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows thats a form of self-abuse.

10. Die well.

A mans great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that hes done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life. A man cannot die well unless he lives well. A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy hes finally able to express his true self. So a man isnt ready to live until he accepts that hes already dead.

A man carries cash. A man looks out for those around him woman, friend, stranger. A man can cook eggs. A man can always find something good to watch on television. A man makes things a rock wall, a table, the tuition money. Or he rebuilds engines, watches, fortunes. He passes along expertise, one man to the next. Know-how survives him. This is immortality. A man can speak to dogs. A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere. A man knows how to sneak a look at cleavage and doesn't care if he gets busted once in a while. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one. A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers. A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not. Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt. A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale breast, the physics of the human skel eton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the snatch, by the wrist, the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee. When his woman bends to pick up her underwear, he feels that thrum that only a man can feel. A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes. A man looks out for children. Makes them stand behind him. A man knows how to bust balls. A man has had liquor enough in his life that he can order a drink without sounding breathless, clueless, or obtuse. When he doesn't want to think, he orders bourbon or something on tap. Never the sauvignon blanc. A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside. Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his ass. He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals. A man gets the door. Without thinking. He stops traffic when he must. A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't forever line up with conservatives, either.

A man knows his tools and how to use them just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails. A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw. A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Drinking, playing Grand Theft Auto, driving aimlessly, shooting pool. He knows how to lose a month, also. A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can. A man is comfortable being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps. Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them. A man loves driving alone most of all. Style a man has that. No matter how eccentric that style is, it is uncontrived. It's a set of rules. He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA. A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know. A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering. A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided. A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. The hell if you know what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.

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