TULLY

a short story by D. PATRICK MILLER

Published by D. Patrick Miller at Smashwords
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D. PATRICK MILLER

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The tree is the regenerative, unconscious life which stands eternally when human consciousness is snuffed out. C. *. 67)*

)ow i- the lo-2 e3e-i-2s a.ter di--er she o.te- .ou-d hersel. sta-di-2 be.ore the bathroom mirror, tryi-2 hard to 2lim/se some o. the /retti-ess her husba-d had always cham/io-ed. She .elt like a clich8 .rom a .airytale, but she could-4t hel/ hersel.. The 2lass /ortrait started well abo3e her head, a-d 0ust e-closed her youth.ul, u-remarkable breasts, but le.t out the last three i-ches o. her .i-e a-d lumi-ous /ale1blo-de hair. Sometimes she would 2ather it all a-d bri-2 it rou-d o-e shoulder, holdi-2 it i- her ha-ds so that she could see the e-ds o. it. &er hair was the o-ly .eature that satis.ied her, but she was a.raid it also made her 3ai-. 'ith so much time a-d

aimless-ess o- her ha-ds, she washed a-d brushed it sometimes twice a day. Could she rui- her o-e e9celle-ce: The -er3ous thou2ht made her eyes shi.t to her .ace, which she almost -e3er liked. &er eyes were certai-ly too lar2e;somethi-2 A-dy thou2ht was wo-der.ul<;a-d she had -e3er .i2ured out their cha-2eable 2ree-ish color e9actly, which 2a3e her /ause o- .orms aski-2 that detail. &er thi- li/s a-d the si=e o. her mouth were (K, she 2uessed, but 0ust (K... she had -e3er u-derstood why A-dy would so o.te- trace those li/s with o-e .i-2er, >uite ki-dly, be.ore kissi-2 her, as i. he had to use a s/ell to o/e- a door always a3ailable to him. She bli-ked a-d sa-k dee/ly i-to a-other memory she .ou-d i-esca/able o. late. E3ery time it had bee- her tur- to u-dress him, she would /ull o.. his socks last o. all a-d the- climb him with a 2rowl or 2i22le, a-d 2rab the ea2er sta-di-2 /art o. him like a bra-ch o- a tree. Theshe would lower her head a-d mouth him with 2raceless e-thusiasm, always .eeli-2 she must make a 2ood show to com/e-sate .or -ot k-owi-2 e9actly what to do. She k-ew she had -o tech-i>ue, a-d could-4t ma-i/ulate his arousal like she was su//osed to;but -o-etheless he .lailed about a-d whim/ered like a /u//y le.t i- a room by itsel.. Sometimes this made her .or2et what she was about a-d be2i- to lau2h, which always made him /ull her head u/ to his a-d her mouth to his, the- he always wa-ted her too .ast, whe- she was-4t ready? The .amiliar cram/ below her stomach sei=ed a-d u-.olded, releasi-2 -ausea to her ce-ter, a-d she .ou-d her .ace i- the mirror a2ai-. 'hy could-4t she sto/ this: &ow ma-y mo-ths would it take to .or2et that ki-d o. thi-2: These mour-.ul re3eries made her thi-k she mi2ht really -eed hel/, .or sometimes they were e3e- worse tha- the dreams. $ut she could make it@ she sim/ly had to co-ce-trate. She co-ce-trated o- the u-i-terru/ted rou-d-ess below her li/s. No chin, she thou2ht sadly. No chin at all. She reached o3er to the hook o- the door a-d drew o.. her thi- white 2ow-, which whebrou2ht rou-d her did little more tha- 3eil the dark te9ture o. her -i//les. She k-otted the .rail sash u-der her breasts, a-d looked u/ to the mirror to .i-d a stra-2e demo-ic 2ri- o- her .ace, a demo- i- her rememberi-2 the 2li-t o. desire A-dy always showed whe- she came to bed weari-2 that su22esti3e sheath. (-ce she had sat o- the ed2e o. the bed a-d, /ushi-2 his lar2e ha-d away with both her ow-, asked curiously, A'hy does this /articular item o. clothi-2 make you cra=ier tha- usual, mister: It4s /ractically the same as -aked.B &is re/ly had stole- her breath, like all o. his best sur/rises. A$ecause it makes you a secret,B he whis/ered ea2erly, raisi-2 his lo-2 .orearm to /ush her back to the bed while he -u==led her stomach throu2h the 2ow-. She decisi3ely clicked o.. the bathroom li2ht 0ust i- time to short1circuit the -ausea; there! she thou2htC I did it;a-d strode .orce.ully dow- the hall to the li3i-2 room. She took her usual cross1le22ed seat o- the .loor by the beate- ora-2e couch, a-d be.ore reachi-2 .or the T+4s remote co-trol tried to .i-d her last thou2hts. She was tryi-2 to lear- how to thi-k co-ti-uously, without la/si-2 i-to /ai-.ul memories a-d /u-ishi-2 .a-tasies, a-d sometimes it was hel/.ul to back u/ to the /oi-t be.ore her me-tal la/ses. Chin, she thou2ht, a-d rubbed her /alm wist.ully o3er the chi- that was-4t there.

A-drea ; -ow there was a woma- with a chi-< It was /romi-e-t a-d s>uarish like A-dy4s, but .smaller a-d somehow stro-2er. %ou -oticed that .orce.ul 0aw .irst, the- the sle-der rise o. her .ace that made A-dy4s sister;or AA-drew the DirstB as she o.te- wryly i-troduced hersel.;a ster- a-d startli-2 beauty. $rother a-d sister had the same dark, almost /redatory eyes, but A-drea4s were wiserC A-dy usually chose -ot to look i-to thi-2s too dee/ly. &is wi.e mar3eled that he could sidetrack his ow- i-telli2e-ce so deliberately, but /erha/s it had ke/t A-drea .rom killi-2 him outri2ht. 'hat a ri3alry those two had had< A-dy had told her ma-y times o. the .i.tee- years o. lo-2 sile-ces a-d battli-2 3isits with his sister, .rom the time A-drea had le.t .or colle2e i- Cali.or-ia u-til their /are-ts had both bee- lost i- a- air disaster. $y theA-drea was thirty1.our, a-d she u-e9/ectedly le.t her u-i3ersity /ositio- a-d her whole li.e othe 'est Coast to li3e -ear the brother she su//osedly could-4t sta-d. A-dy had closed the deal by sile-tly surre-deri-2 his side o. the s/arri-2, becomi-2 habitually clow-like i- A-drea4s /rese-ce. 'hy had he acted so stra-2ely, wo-dered his broodi-2 widow E why i- .act had his whole /ur/ose .ou-dered a.ter losi-2 his .olks: &is mour-i-2 had 2o-e o- too lo-2, cutti-2 o.. his se-se o. directio-, so that he .loated .rom 0ob to 0ob, mostly ma-ual labor, i- the three years o. their marria2e, a-d took u/ more short1li3ed hobbies tha- she could remember. She had .elt hel/less to cou-ter or calm his thrashi-2 about ; /robably because she k-ew she was -o me-tal 2ia-t hersel.. So they both became char2es o. A-drea, who would call at least weekly, i->uiri-2 a.ter e3erythi-2 .rom A-dy4s curre-t 0ob troubles to whether they were eati-2 well. It irked A-dy, but he would -ot challe-2e the /recarious /eace o. the .amily he had le.t, a-d his wi.e actually liked the atte-tio-. Andrea always was smarter than both of us ut together, she thou2ht, .i-ally reachi-2 .or the remote co-trol to /ush a butto- but 3i3idly recalli-2 a .lash o. A-drea4s a-2er i-stead. They had bee- eati-2 out, she a-d A-dy with A-drea a-d a woma- .rie-d .rom the I-stitute. A-drea was e9/lai-i-2 why their -ames were Ao-ly o-e letter di..ere-tB@ A%ou see, I was really A-drew the Dirst. (ur you-2 ma- here was what my .ather wa-ted, but he .ut=ed arou-d a-d 2ot bor- seco-d.B &er .ork clattered to her /late, i-terru/ti-2 her to-e o. .orced a..ectio-, a-d she .i-ished her story with a .iery 2a=e tra3elli-2 betwee- /airs o. eyes to a .ar cor-er o. the restaura-t. AThat4s why I had to be so 2oddam-ed smart.B Later she comma-deered the check a-d char2ed it, .lourishi-2 the si2-ature AA-drea 'aycross Ph. D.B A-dy usually lau2hed o.. these bad mome-ts, his wi.e rue.ully remembered, with a hi2h -er3ous titter that made her u-easy. It was -othi-2 like the clear, .ree lau2hter that had e-cha-ted her o- their .irst meeti-2. She looked back o- hersel. as a silly sorority 2irl, .loati-2 throu2h a- a3era2e +ir2i-ia colle2e with o-ly the dullest o. as/iratio-sC she shook her head at the chilli-2 reali=atio- o. 0ust how /oi-tless her li.e the- seemed today. She4d bee- -er3ously tryi-2 to act her way throu2h a mi9er with the boys .rom the 7-i3ersity whe- she s/ied a lo-21 le22ed, u-.ashio-ably lo-21haired odd bird looki-2 lost by the cor-er o. a table. Deeli-2 sudde-ly res/o-sible .or /layi-2 hostess, she a//roached the stra-2er boldly as he /ulled a /i/e .rom a dee/ coat /ocket a-d be2a- .ooli-2 arou-d with it i- the clumsy ma--er o. a -o3ice. She was com.ortable with his u-2ai-li-ess already.

ASo,B she had said i- the sweetest, blo-dest 3oice she could muster, Aare you .rom the 7-i3ersity too:B E a >uestio- so dumb she still wi-ced se3e- years later. $ut the boy 2a3e her his .irst sur/rise. ASort o.,B he choked, his eyes darti-2 arou-d like a .u2iti3e i- a sile-t comedy. At that a2e she was -ot accustomed to the u-e9/ected. A(h,B she a-swered 3aca-tly. AThat sou-ds i-teresti-2.B &e smiled te-sely a-d 2radually brou2ht his dark eyes to .ocus o- hers. A mome-t too lo-2 /assed betwee- them i- sile-ce. A'ell, what4s your -ame, I 2uess,B he said i- a rush, a dark red .lush risi-2 .rom his -eck. ATully,B she said, care.ully /ractici-2 her -ew, cli//ed -o-drawl. At the time she had badly wa-ted to be .rom northern +ir2i-ia, -ot almost1)orth Caroli-a. $ut the- the truth s/illed out be.ore she could sto/ hersel.. AMy -ame is the most i-teresti-2 thi-2 about me.B The boy started, a-d the- his mouth o/e-ed wide i- the u-i-hibited, ri-2i-2 lau2hter Tully would always wait to hear i- their subse>ue-t li.e to2ether. It came i- .our or .i3e o3erla//i-2 /eals, like the sou-ds o. the bell tower at dusk. &e dro//ed the charade with his /i/e a-d shook his ma-e o. brow- hair as i. to re.ocus o- her. Dor a- i-sta-t he seemed i-credibly adult a-d wise. AReally:<B he 2ri--ed, thorou2hly /leased. A'ell, at least you4re a dam- si2ht /rettier tha- all these other fas1ci1-ati-2 ladies,B he declaimed 2ra-dly, maki-2 a broad 2esture to e-com/ass the tackily decorated hall she had .elt aba-do-ed i- 0ust mome-ts be.ore. Tully s>uee=ed the remote co-trol hard a-d watched a hot, blurry 3isio- o. a .atherly $ill Cosby a//ear o- the T+ scree-. !e was so charming, she remembered bitterly, with that *eor2ia 2ra-dilo>ue-ce a-d com/leme-tary lack o. k-owhow. Te- mi-utes later they had mo3ed out to the humid balco-y o. the a-cie-t buildi-2, his teeth clicki-2 arou-d her ears because he did-4t seem to k-ow e9actly where to start. She did-4t careC she was hu22i-2 him as .iercely as she had the .irema- who had sa3ed her li.e whe- she was .i3e. She could .eel his erectio- a2ai-st her lower belly a-d ima2i-ed it as a dark, mysterious thi-2. "o young, she thou2ht, s>uee=i-2 her eyes ti2ht to /ush out the tears. She mar3eled at how much older she .elt -ow ; Abut you4re still a you-2 woma-<B barked her mother4s /a-icky 3oice i-side her head. It was true, she reali=ed, but .or -ow she /re.erred to remai- a you-2 hermit. It was -i-e mo-ths si-ce A-dy4s death, but her so1called 2irl.rie-ds ; most of them divorced, she thou2ht mea-ly ; already wa-ted her to 2o out with them. AAt least you ca- try to ha3e a 2ood time,B her mother had ca0oled yesterday, taki-2 her .rie-ds4 /art. Tully tur-ed othe sou-d .or the tele3isio-, but -ot >uite to where she could make out the dialo2ue. (-ly A-drea seemed to u-dersta-d;she would walk i-to the a/artme-t, u-disturbed by the li-2eri-2 /rese-ce o. A-dy4s /ossessio-s, a-d s/eak i- the to-e o. a- a-swer be.ore a-y >uestio- was asked. AIt4s (K,B she always said. AIt4s (K .or -ow.B Tully wished A-drea would come to 3isit her to-i2ht, a-d almost e3ery -i2ht, but the /roud, ha-dsome woma- came o- Tuesdays a-d Dridays o-ly, always /u-ctually, always matter1o.1.act. She would re/eat the usual e9cuse@ AThe li2ht is so much better at your /lace,B

she would say i- mock e-3y, dum/i-2 her -otebooks o- the couch. $ut Tully k-ew that A-drea studied o- most -i2hts at home, i-.erior li2hti-2 or -o. She studied all the time. A-drea would read, /e-cil cle-ched i- her mouth a-d /a/ers rustli-2 i- her la/, while Tully watched the >uiet tele3isio- bla-kly, with the disi-terest o. a dru-k. She usually was a little dru-k@ i-to9icated by the /rese-ce o. this woma- with the .irm, .orward breasts a-d lea-, athletic le2s, a-d the u-mistakable air o. Tully4s lost husba-d. Tully .elt 2uilty .or the se-satio-, as i. she were cheati-2, or tem/ti-2 .ate. $ut she did-4t care to do a-ythi-2 else, a-d had -o reaso- to se-d A-drea away. She would 0ust as soo- 2i3e u/ her li.e, a-d it shocked her wheshe reali=ed this was so. The e3e-i-2s with A-drea /assed so much .aster tha- these alo-eC that was o-e reasoTully wa-ted her there. They talked 3ery little, yet a mutual com.ort settled o3er them at e3ery reu-io-. Late ; usually about mid-i2ht ; they would 2o to the kitche- a-d eat to2ether while maki-2 small talk, the- retur- to watch whate3er was le.t o. tele3isio- to2ether. Tully re2ai-ed her seat o- the .loor but A-drea would /ush her work aside a-d sit .orward o- the couch, her le2s li2htly embraci-2 the blo-de woma- by the shoulders. A-d .or hal. a- hour A-drea would /lay with Tully4s -atural /ri=e, braidi-2, u-braidi-2, swirli-2, a-d sim/ly stroki-2 her lo-2, obedie-t hair. Somethi-2 like a ra/ture would soo-er or later rise i- Tully4s throat, a-d she had to cle-ch her 0aws to kee/ .rom cryi-2 or e3e- tur-i-2 aside to embrace o-e o. A-drea4s /rotecti-2 le2s. $ut this she could -ot do E e-3isio-i-2 it, as she o.te- had, led her to a- ed2e o. mystery black a-d .ull o. a-9ious murmuri-2s. She was certai- A-drea was k-owled2eable about it all, a-d yet she -e3er did a-ythi-2C i. the stroki-2 sto//ed .or lo-2 A-drea would soo- release a .ull, colla/si-2 si2h, a-d the- Tully would e9cuse hersel. .or bed, as i. o- cue. She had to be u/ at se3e- to reach the rece/tio- desk at Dr. Mor2a-4s o..ice /u-ctually at ei2htC she was /roud that she had -e3er bee- late, a-d o-ly took a week o.. .ollowi-2 A-dy4s death, thou2h the 2ray1haired /atriarch had be22ed her to A2i3e yoursel. more time,B a-d take some e9tra mo-ey too. A-drea usually made some 0oke about Athe li.e o. a- i-tellectual,B a-d .ei2-ed a- i-terest i- watchi-2 a- old late1-i2ht mo3ie, or e3e- Da3id Letterma-, whom Tully des/ised. Tully sli//ed easily i-to slee/ o- these -i2hts;A-drea4s ha-ds i- her hair worked like a -arcotic ; a-d she -e3er k-ew whe- A-drea le.t, thou2h she sus/ected it mi2ht be 3ery late. Tully bli-ked a-d -oted with mi-or alarm that the Cosby show was e-di-2 ; she had really mea-t to watch it but her mi-d was ru--i-2 loose a2ai-. 'hat would A-dy thi-k o. this... this .rie-dli-ess with his sister, Tully worried sudde-ly. A-drea4s rare i-terest i- me- Fshe would sometimes mischie3ously remark o- a A-ice ti-y assB whe- the two o. them were out sho//i-2 to2etherG had always bee- a sub0ect that A-dy /rete-ded com/lete i--oce-ce about, yet he studiously a3oided sociali=i-2 with A-drea4s crowd .rom the Richmo-d I-stitute o. 'ome- Scholars. Last 6a-uary, 0ust se3e- mo-ths be.ore his death, Tully had collared him i-to 2oi-2 to di--er to celebrate A-drea4s si-2le1ha-ded /rocureme-t o. a sur3i3al 2ra-t ; she was so smart<;o- the 2rou-ds that he would really hurt his sister by -ot 2oi-2, a-d besides there had to be at least a cou/le o. other me- there.

She was wro-2, a-d 2ul/ed whe- the two o. them a//roached the ei2ht wome- seated at a lo-2 table i- the Italia- restaura-t A-drea had lo-2 hau-ted. )o-e o. the wome- were like her ; basically assive, Tully thou2ht with a stra-2e de.ia-ce;a-d A-dy could hardly deal with his sister alo-e a-d sober, much less dru-k Fshe already wasG a-d am/li.ied by her .rie-ds a-d their accolades, e3e- i. well1deser3ed. Tully su..ered throu2h a lo-2 -i2ht, wi-ci-2 e3ery time A-dy made a lame remark, which was o.te- si-ce his charm .ailed utterly amo-2 wome- with >uicker to-2ues. Tully also remembered that -i2ht .or A-drea4s beha3ior, which tur-ed moody -ear the e-d o. the /arty a-d i-cluded se3eral lo-2, u-.ocused stares i-to Tully4s eyes. Tully would thesli/ her ha-d to A-dy4s bo-y thi2h, s>uee=i-2 so.tly to reassure hersel. a-d somehow ward o.. A-drea4s atte-tio-. A.ter o-e such sile-t e/isode Tully looked to A-dy o-ly to see him stari-2 o/e-1mouthed at Clarissa, a hu2e, u-steady bear o. a woma- with thick eye2lasses who was 3oci.erously recou-ti-2 her dressi-21dow- o. a /ro.essor. AA-d the- I said,B Clarissa boomed with mou-ti-2 e-thusiasm, ADr. Rou-dhouse, you are o-e stu/id so- o. a bastard<B The- she ba-2ed the table too hard, eliciti-2 less lau2hter thashe ob3iously e9/ected. Tully cau2ht A-drea rolli-2 her eyes hea3e-ward, as i. to say This never ha ened, but i-stead she thou2ht.ully si//ed her beer a-d s/oke to Clarissa i- a measured, disci/li-ary to-e. A'ell the-, I ho/e we do-4t -eed the 2ood doctor4s assista-ce a-ytime soo-.B Clarissa .ell sile-t. A-drea4s solem- 2a=e retur-ed to Tully a-d brou2ht a hot .lush to her cheeksC Tully had to e9cuse hersel. to the restroom. A.ter the di--er A-dy had abru/tly dis/layed a mischie3ous mood. As they walked home o- the wi-ter -i2ht, he was actually ski//i-2, ecstatic, /erha/s, that he had sim/ly esca/ed the di--er i-tact. Sudde-ly he did a- about1.ace a-d 2ras/ed his wi.e 2e-tly by the shoulders, the mock1serious-ess o. his .ace barely deci/herable i- the li2ht .rom a streetlam/. ATell me somethi-2, Tully ; do you thi-k some o. A-drea4s /als mi2ht actually be lesbians: &is .ace .lickered with both his co-scious 2ood humor a-d a- u-/redictable testi-ess u-der-eath, a-d Tully had -o time to co-sider strate2ies. I-sti-cti3ely she backed away, held her arms out i- .ro-t o. her as i. 2ras/i-2 a barrel, a-d boomed as 2ru..ly as she k-ew how@ AA-drew 'aycross, you are o-e stoo# id so- o. a bastard<B A-dy sla//ed his ha-ds i- deli2ht, lau2hi-2 a little too hard /erha/s, but re3eali-2 a ki-d o. yieldi-2 that always made Tully .eel sa.e to be with him. She /laced the remote bar o- the .loor care.ully a-d lea-ed back a2ai-st the couch, u-smili-2 des/ite the warmth o. the memory. &e was a stu/id S($, she thou2htC he .ell out o. a tree a-d died i-sta-tly o- a 2ree- suburba- law-. Dr. Mor2a- assured her that he died i-sta-tly, .alli-2 .lat o- his back, his head whi//i-2 3iole-tly backward o3er a limb .alle- 0ust seco-ds be.ore him. It was the .irst 0ob he4d ke/t .or more tha- si9 mo-ths si-ce the death o. his /are-ts, a-d he had be2u- to take it seriously, bri-2i-2 home thick ma-uals o- tree sur2ery Tully would -e3er ha3e 2uessed e9isted. I- si9 more mo-ths, he had 2lee.ully told her o- the bri2ht Au2ust day be.ore the .all, he was certai- they Acould work o- that baby o. yours.B Tully closed her eyes i- dee/ re3ere-ce, the word baby bri-2i-2 sli2htly less /ai- tha- times be.ore. At least I still ha3e A-drea, she told hersel. E a-d the woode- ma-.

She lea-ed .ar o3er to the co..ee table betwee- hersel. a-d the tele3isio-, a-d 2rabbed a si91i-ch hi2h $uddha cra.ted .rom solid 2ree- 2lass. She had -ot e3e- told A-drea about the woode- ma-, althou2h a /sycholo2ist mi2ht be e9/ected to u-dersta-d ; -o, she had told -o o-e. The secret 2a3e her a bi=arre deli2ht, as i. she had the /er.ect ri2ht to tem/t i-sa-ity o- her lo-2 e3e-i-2s alo-e. %et she doled out the cra=i-ess to hersel. i- care.ul /ortio-s@ she thou2ht she should -ot dream o. the woode- ma- more tha- o-ce a week. This -i2ht he was due a2ai-, so she ritualistically /laced the small statue o- the .loor .aci-2 her, a-d stroked his static braids much like A-drea /etted her o- their -i2hts to2ether. It$s the %uddha, she told hersel. 2irlishly, who brings the wooden man. The- she recoiled sli2htly, a whis/er o. mad-ess hissi-2 a2aialo-2 the back o. her -eck. &hat am I thin'ing( She did-4t e3e- k-ow what a $uddha was su//osed to be. A-dy had .ou-d him at a .lea market about a year be.ore, sei=i-2 o- the odd ob0ect /laced o- its side betwee- a corroded toaster a-d a- a-cie-t radio with 3acuum tubes. Tully watched iwo-der as he he.ted the thi-2 like a lo-21lost tro/hy, the- lo.ted it se3eral .eet i- the air, where it s/u- ra/idly be.ore retur-i-2 to his o/e- /alm with a loud smack. AI ki-da like this 2uy,B he said bree=ily, a-d held it out toward the old .ellow sitti-2 o- a wor- /ick1u/4s ru--i-2 board. &e seemed to ha3e a- eye .or so.ties@ ATwe-ty doller,B he whee=ed, Acu= it4s real 0ade.B A)o<B Tully cried i-sti-cti3ely, outra2ed at a sham e3e- she could see throu2h, but A-dy smiled like he was somehow 2etti-2 the u//er ha-d. &e took some o. their /recious mo-ey .rom his wallet a-d ha-ded it o3er, a-d Tully .elt a .lash o. a-2er which made her wish she k-ew how to disci/li-e her husba-d. I-stead she thou2ht, )ust wait til Andrea hears about this;a-d Tully k-ew she4d make sure o. it. $ut des/ite A-drea4s 3itriolic lecture about household eco-omics, the $uddha became a ki-d o. household /et whom e3e- Tully be2a- to re2ard as ha3i-2 a /erso-ality. That wi-ter A-dy a--ou-ced that Athe $uddha does lo3e his basketball,B a-d tur-ed the statue to .ace the 2ames which absorbed A-dy so com/letely. ACharlie,B Tully o-ce heard him say to the 2reema- a.ter his belo3ed Ca3aliers dro//ed a 3ery close o-e to ).C. State, Awhat do you thi-k o. these 'ahoos:B Tully /aused i- her di--er /re/aratio-s to liste- .or what mi2ht come -e9t ; A-dy was a little dru-k .rom a- a.ter-oo- with a si91/ack, a-d he could be 3ery .u--y i- that co-ditio-. A&o-ey,B .i-ally came the call, A-dy e9a22erati-2 his ow- slurred acce-t, Acould you bri-2 Charlie here a beer: &e4s absolutely disgusted.B Tully smiled to hersel. a-d cu//ed the whole head o. the $uddha with o-e ha-d. )ow she o-ly touched it to dust it, or o- the -i2hts whe- she wa-ted to dream o. the woode- ma- ; who always hurt her, yet whom she lo-2ed .or i- the de/ths where he hurt her. The woode- ma- was A-dy, o. course, but she /re.erred -ot to thi-k o. that -ame .or him, a-d she had the liberty o. that choice -ow. &is .ace had A-dy4s .eatures, althou2h they were chiseled 3ery crudely out o. the dark maho2a-y 2rai- which com/osed the ma-4s e-tire body. &e would always be sta-di-2 -aked by the bed whe- she looked u/ .rom her lo-ely slee/, a-d she -o more tha- had to thi-k A%esB be.ore he climbed u/o- her with a terrible, awkward wei2ht a-d /ushed himsel. i-side her, the u-yieldi-2 strai2ht-ess o. his /assio- causi-2 0abs o. /ai-.

Drom his throat came a stra-2e, 2hastly cryi-2 like the rubbi-2 to2ether o. hi2h limbs i- a wi-dstorm, a-d she was -early co-sumed by .ear o. him ; yet she clu-2 to him -o-etheless, k-owi-2 he was all she had le.t. Sometimes she e3e- .elt somethi-2 like a- or2asm, a /artial clutchi-2 a-d starry release -early lost amo-2 her cries a-d the woode- ma-4s stormy 2roa-i-2. $ut he -e3er seemed satis.ied ; he would o-ly sto/ i-e9/licably a-d sta-d, murmuri-2 a low -o-se-se, the- retreat i-to the closet Tully k-ew to be a .orest at -i2ht. The last time ; the si9th occurre-ce o. the dream ; the woode- ma- had broke- his murmuri-2 a.ter their a-9ious lo3emaki-2 to look at her te-derly ; she had -e3er -oticed his car3ed black eyes be.ore ; a-d say clearly the word A%ou...B, as thou2h he mea-t to s/eak a se-te-ce but .or2ot its /ur/ose. The- he be2a- his usual retreat, but Tully lu-2ed a.ter him, 2rabbi-2 at the erect bra-ch betwee- his le2s. She wa-ted it to be sli//ery a-d wet with hersel., .or the- she would rub him a-d ca0ole him back to bed, -o matter what the /ai-. $ut her ha-d closed o- a dry woode- k-ob, a-d she awoke, her throat /arched a-d her cheeks tracked with salt. The -e9t day Tully was ridi-2 with A-drea i- A-dy4s old 2ree- +ol3o;A-drea had wordlessly claimed it days a.ter her brother4s .u-eral;whe- she -oticed the ball o- the oldstyle 2earshi.t 3ibrati-2 -ear her k-ee. She ti-2led with a /er3erse 3isio- o. straddli-2 the stick, wo-deri-2 i. she could acce/t the cold sha/e i-side hersel., a-d the- sudde-ly A-drea4s ha-d co3ered the ball, dow-shi.ti-2 the car decisi3ely i-to seco-d with the same stro-21arm mo3eme-t A-dy would ha3e used. Tully 2as/ed at the mer2i-2 o. the 3isio-s, so loudly that A-drea tur-ed her head a-d said with 2reat co-cer-, ATully: Are you alri2ht:B The blo-de widow .elt tears sti-2 her eyes ; would she e3er sto/ cryi-2:;a-d looked i-to the .ace o. her husba-d4s sister, lit with A-dy4s li2ht. Tully .elt it im/ossible to hold hersel. back. AI really do lo3e you, A-drea,B she said so.tly, loweri-2 her eyes i- a habit a-cie-t a-d comma-di-2. A-drea /ushed the ball a-d stick u/ i-to -eutral a-d the car dri.ted to the side o. the road, rattli-2 sli2htly as it was braked to a sto/. Tully .elt a cold .ear rise i- her bosom ; what would ha//e- -ow: She ima2i-ed A-drea mo3i-2 toward her, a-d wo-dered what she would ha3e to do i. the older woma- tried to kiss her. The- she .elt a warm .amiliar ha-d o- the back o. her -eck, tu22i-2 so.tly at her hair as usual. Tully looked u/C A-drea still had o-e ha-d o- the steeri-2 wheel. 'he- she s/oke, the words came i- a rolli-2 *eor2ia lilt;the acce-t she claimed to ha3e lost i- Cali.or-ia years be.ore. A%ou4re all the .amily I43e 2ot -ow, sweet Tully,B A-drea said calmly. AI do-4t thi-k I could li3e without you.B They seemed to shudder to2ether, a-d soo- both were cryi-2 .reely i- their u-cha-2ed /ositio-s. A-drea halted hersel. with a harsh hal.1sob, drawi-2 away .rom Tully to rub her -ose 3i2orously with the back o. o-e ha-d, .orci-2 a lau2h. A'hat would A-dy do -ow:B she said with di..iculty. A$oth his wome- wee/i-2 at o-ce would scare that boy to death.B Tully -odded, lau2hi-2 a-d cryi-2, -otici-2 but -ot cari-2 about A-drea4s sli/ o. the to-2ue.

)ow she li.ted the $uddha back to its /lace o- the table, a-d made her way to bed. She swallowed o-e o. the sedati3es Dr. Mor2a- had 2i3e- her, ho/i-2 that it would -ot black out her dreams as it sometimes did. She sli//ed out o. her 2ow- a-d i-to bed, abse-t1mi-dedly .i-2eri-2 the hair betwee- her le2s as she /ictured the woode- ma-, /re/ari-2 hersel. .or the assault a-d the delirious i-timacy. &er ha-d .ell still o- her thi2h i- a 3ery short time. 'he- he a//eared the woode- ma- looked di..ere-t;he was /artially co3ered i- a 2rowth o. -ew lea3es a-d twi2s. She thou2ht he looked like Robi- &ood, a-d told him so sile-tlyC he o-ly smiled broadly a-d reached out a ha-d, u-e9/ectedly warm, to massa2e her breast, steali-2 her breath .or a mome-t. The- he mo3ed with u-customary 2e-tle-ess u/o- her a-d .illed her /er.ectly, sli//i-2 his broad, si-ewy ha-ds be-eath her i- a way he -e3er had be.ore. &is care made her .eel warm a-d li>uid, as i. her i--er heat was melti-2 her body. A(h, my A-dy,B she murmured, but she .elt him be2i- to shake his head, a-d she o/e-ed her eyes to see what he mea-t. AI am 2rowi-2 away,B he said clearly, too slowly to ha3e made a mistake, his hal.1wild .ace e3e- showi-2 a mischie3ous deli2ht i- his /u-. A%ou...B a-d the- his s/eech sto//ed a2ai-, as be.ore. Tully shi.ted her hi/s sli2htly, the ease o. their u-io- washi-2 her heart with /ride, a-d 2rabbed the tree1ma-4s .ace, tra3ersed by two 3i-es, with both her ha-ds. A%ou ca-4t lea3e without telli-2 me<B she tau-ted i- sudde- 2aiety. A%ou...B her .aith.ul lo3er si2hed, strai2hte-i-2 his s/i-e somewhatC a cool bree=e blew betwee- their bodies. A*ou are the light of the worldB he sa-2 i-e9/licably, dri3i-2 hard i-to her with that /art o. him that was woode-, but 2rowi-2 too, a-d it struck electrically i-to her like a root, its bra-ches, .ibers, a-d te-drils bur-i-2 all the way .rom her o/e-i-2 out to her toes a-d .i-2erti/s. &er head swam as the woode- ma- disa//eared, a-d she .elt a .lash o. lo-esome-ess, a .arewell, be.ore she moa-ed a-d rolled o- her side to look toward the wi-dow she saw .irst thi-2 e3ery mor-i-2. $ut it was s/i--i-2, detached .rom e3erythi-2, hi2h i- a- early blue sky. As its rotatio- slowed she saw that its curtai- was actually her .ilmy white 2ow-, a-d whe- it had swirled to a sto/ arou-d the wi-dow .rame a so.t /u.. o. air blew the 2ow- o/e-, allowi-2 0ust a- i-sta-t o. absolute 2olde- li2ht to .lash throu2h the o/e- wi-dow, stu--i-2 the you-2 woma- i-to wake.ul-ess, which she e-tered 2as/i-2, clutchi-2 at her bed sheets, lau2hi-2 with a lo-21lost 2lad-ess, .or2i3i-2 her husba-d. 5555

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eared in the anthology

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