TREDFOR Vocation Exposure Program

In Partial Fulfillment for the requirements of TREDFOR for the Third Term of AY 2013-14

Submitted to Mrs. Fides del Castillo

Submitted by Anna Caira De Venecia

March 18, 2014

Married Couple Interview Transcript

Caira: So paano kayo nagkakilala?

Doris: Nagkakilala kami ni daddy when I was 17 and he was 18 in the University campus. A friend of mine introduced him to me. He felt love at first sight.

Pablo: Yung kaibigan ko sabi niya, halika sa taas, may magandang babae doon sumasayaw sa taas sumasayaw. Tapos doon ko unang nakita mom mo. Tinanong ko kung saan taga saan siya tapos sabi ng kaibigan ko taga-Herrero yung mommy mo.

Doris: A classmate of mine in the Elementary introduced him to me. Tapos pagkatapos nun, he started fetching me in the classroom without saying anything. Hinahatid niya ako pauwi.

Pablo: Eh kasi ayaw mo magpaligaw eh.

Caira: Bakit ayaw magpaligaw ni mommy?

Pablo: Gusto niya matapos muna siya

Caira: Ahh so next question, ano yung naginfluence sa inyo na magpakasal?

Pablo: Insecure yung mom mo. Siyempre madaming nabalitaan si mommy na madami akong kadate. Tapos sabi ko Eh kung gusto mo, pakasalan nalang kita Eh kumagat naman siya.

Doris: That was the start of our marriage. He showed that he was committed naman eh

Pablo: Inggit ka kasi eh

Doris: Hay nako hindi ah. Kahit madami kami, alam ko na ako yung ikeekeep mo. Ako kasi yung pinakamaganda at pinakamatalino

*censored (couple started fighting)*

Caira: So ano yung mga blessings ng married life?

Doris: Ay maganda interview mo, jusko kung si ate mo ang ininterview mo ang ganda ng sagot niya NOTHING

Pablo: In my part, tumahimik yung buhay ko. Nagkaroon ng commitment at direction yung buhay ko. Kahit gumising ako ng 9 o umuwi ako ng 1 o clock, kahit di ako naligo, kahit di ako nagpalit ng damit, I had to change my clothes na kasi nakakahiya sa asawa ko. Tapos natututo ako mangarap tapos at the start of our early marriage, wala akong totoong commitment kay God. Simba lang ako ng simba. Nung married na ako, ininfluence ako ni mommy. Wala akong maalala na Sunday na hindi ako nagsimba. Kahit nagogolf ako, nagsisimba pa rin ako. I make sure. Tapos matibay commitment ko sa BCBP.

Doris: The blessing for me turned out to be a gift A gift of 3 beautiful kids. Thats the only blessing I will never forget and I will bring it to my grave

Pablo: Oh, dadalhin niya kayo sa grave nakakatakot naman yun

Doris: Kahit may ups and downs, it will always be a blessing Pero kung drug addict yung bata, hindi na yun blessing haha

Caira: Grabe. Ilalagay ko bay an sa transcript haha

Doris: Ah it depends din. Blessing siya pero it depends on how it was raised yung environment niya. Its like a cocoon, that will change into a butterfly the bad shell will chip off

Caira: What are the challenges to married life? Oh yan! Ibuhos niyo na yung galit niyo!

Pablo: Ah yung challenges ano yunto live sa expectations niya. In my part, gusto niyo maaga ako umuwi. Pag nasa bahay na siya, kailangan nandiyan na rin ako. Yung iraise yung family yung maging good provider kasi gusto ni mommy sa kanya lang sweldo niya. And also, the challenge to raise the children sa tama.

Doris: For me the challenge of marriage is when you have a partner, the challenge to understand him a person. Because it is in that marriage that he will show his real personality. Because if you do not understand your partner, it will become a broken marriage. Maghihiwalay kayo. Because its not a perfect marriage always. Meron talagang deficiency na iintindihin mo.

Caira: Talagang nagpapatamaan lang kayo.

Doris: Hindi ah totoo yun.

Pablo: Kunwari hindi ko naririnig.

Caira: Grabe ang hirap pala ng trabaho ng mga typewriter sa court trials

Doris: Ay oo. Mahirap yun.

Caira: Ano yung iaadvise sa mga young people na gusto magpakasal?

Pablo: Think twice. Thrice Ahhh. Ano yung iaadvice ko diyan, dapat they should

be prepared. Plano nila magpakasal but theyre not prepared yet. At least, dapat meron silang ipon to start the family. Una, dapat sinimulan naming na spiritually prepared ayun. Second lang, yung material. Una spiritual muna, dapat may relationship sila kay Lord. Meron yung sa simbahan, magaattend sila ng seminar tulad ng kuya mo, yung magseseminar pa sila about husband and wife tapos ready sila financially

Doris: You should know that marriage is a lifetime commitment. So you should know that you should be emotionally, psychologically and financially prepared to have a successful marriage. Huli lang yung financial, kasi syempre through thick and thin pag nagpakasal kayo is a commitment kaya huli nalang. Tapos dapat parehas kayo ng belief. Mahirap yung iba baka magaway lang kayo.

Caira De Venecia

Synthesis paper

TREDFOR C38

In the song Marry You by Bruno Mars, the lyrics of the chorus are Its a beautiful night. Were looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby. I think I wanna marry you. However, in reality, deciding to get married is not just by whim or just looking for something dumb to do. Marriage is very complicated because it will change the lives of couples, so there are a lot of factors to consider before getting married. I learned that before even deciding to enter a relationship with someone, marriage should already be considered. At the end of the interview, my mother said that marrying a partner with the same beliefs as mine is preferable because having different beliefs may trigger arguments and misunderstandings. The other factor to consider before getting into a relationship is commitment. Perhaps you are fully committed to keep the relationship strong and going, but does your partner feel the same way? Commitment is important because there needs to be two people trying to keep the relationship alive. Obviously, if only one person is trying to keep up in the relationship, the relationship will fail when the couple encounters a problem. Without considering the beliefs and commitment of your partner, the relationship or marriage might fail because of frequent arguments. Even in the transcript of the interview, the couple started fighting when the subject of commitment was brought up. A person will just get hurt if he only follows his heart without listening to his mind. I understand that a lot of people lose their rationality in decisions when they fall in love, so if they decide to enter a relationship despite the flaws a person has, they should be at least emotionally prepared when a problem arises because of their differences. When two people are in a relationship, they should grow together and change into better people, so that someday, they will be mature enough for marriage. A couple should try to fix their differences little by little, so that they will be avoiding some problems that may arise in their marriage. In the Pre-cana seminar, they asked the engaged couples to answer a test, then after answering the test, they were asked to count how many numbers they answered differently. Of course, a lower number of different answers is much preferable because a couple could get along well better and agree faster when they have the same sentiments. Also, in the interview, the couple stated that the challenges in a marriage are to live to the expectations of your partner and to understand his or her flaws. I think that these challenges in marriage could be lightened if

the couple worked hard to be more hardworking and understanding in the early years of their relationship. For instance, both of them may try to improve on their hygiene like picking up their laundry or regularly brushing their teeth, so that when they get married, there will be less bad habits that may be a turn off. There was also a story shared in the pre-cana seminar about expectations that needed to be met. The speaker said that her inability to cook even a simple adobo was unappealing for her in-laws. Ever since she realized that her cooking skills are inferior to her husbands, she started learning simple cooking recipes slowly by slowly in order to live to her husbands and in-laws expectations. In a relationship, a person cannot just abuse being him/herself because being too carefree will hinder growth. Changing for your partner is not so bad if the changes are good. Before the interview and the pre-cana seminar, I thought that love and financial capabilities were the only things to think about when getting married, but it turns out, that there are a lot more. Love is already a given. Only a crazy person would willingly marry someone he/she does not love. However, what appears to be love may not be love. My mother said in the interview that a person will only show his true colors during marriage. In the entourage, the priest always asks the bride or groom if he will stay with his partner through thick and thin. Although love is the most obvious reason for getting married, I think it is necessary to remind couples to love each other through thick and thin no matter what problem arises because love and perseverance are the most important ingredients in marriage. The second factor to consider is the goals that the couples would like to attain in their married life including family planning. In the Pre-cana seminar, the couples were asked every detail about family planning like who should get up when the baby cries, should their children receive physical punishment, etc. Family planning is important because the number of children and the timing of having these are very important in financial aspects and making the family more manageable. I realized that all couples should have a timeline for their goals such as having a house in 2020, having enough college tuition for our children in 2030, having enough retirement fund in 2050, etc. The timeline for goals and planning even the tiniest details could save the couple from a lot of stress and give their family a better life. In the Pre-cana seminar, they also talked about the importance of sexual intercourse. A married person deprived of sexual pleasures will become disappointed with his/her married life.

On the other hand, a person who is forced to have sex with his/her partner for the othe rs pleasure will also become disappointed with his/her married life. Therefore, agreeing on when or how sex should be done is also important in having a happier married life. The last thing that I think couples should consider is the spiritual aspect of married life. Until now, I am not sure whether this is a necessary ingredient in having a successful married life. However, I have noticed that married couples who are spiritually active in their respective churches seem very happy. For instance, the speakers at the pre-cana seminar who were devoting once a month in giving marriage seminars are financially stable and look sweet with each other. Perhaps being spiritually active helps couples to be reminded of Gods word and the importance of their vocation that is why they are happy. In the interview, my father also felt blessed because he changed into a better person after getting married through being spiritually active. According to him, after getting married, he started going to church every Sunday to train his children to go to church as well, and then eventually, he started going to church every other day. He and his wife also joined BCBP, a Catholic community that gathers every Fridays and Saturdays to talk about God. After going through many struggles in his marriage, he would share them in the community and many people would be enlightened by his stories. I personally think that married couples will find their marriage more meaningful if they find an advocacy they can do together such as helping the poor, fighting for environmental rights, or perhaps doing something they can enjoy together like photography, gardening, etc; in short, an avocation. The last factor that couples should consider is the financial aspects. Financing is important, but according to the Pre-cana seminar and the interviewees, all of the previously mentioned factors are more important than the money. They said that even though a couple does not have enough money, they can still commit to their marriage, but of course, they will not have a comfortable life. In the Pre-cana seminar, they explained that marriage has different stages. First is the Honeymoon stage where the couple may not want to have a baby yet, and they would just going on dates to enjoy their married life. In the second stage, they will keep track of their plans and most possibly have children. The third stage is the parenting stage, and this is where most couples face trials, and its normal to have problems in married life. For a successful marriage, the couples would have to move on to the fourth stage where they would overcome these

obstacles. The last stage is where both partners become more matured and develop more compassion and respect for each other. When happily married people reach this stage, and look back at what they have gone through, they would say to each other, Im glad I married you. As a final note, couples should remember that no marriage is perfect, and there will always be flaws. That is why having some major problems here and there should not make married people feel frustrated because all other marriages have their own problems.