The causes of Miscommunication among Family Members and their effects to the Child

A Term Paper Presented to

Ms. Anselma E. Inot Lourdes College

In Partial Fulfillment Of the Requirements in English 2

By

Foi Jerde S. Cabog Bachelor of Music Major in Piano March 19, 2014

Acknowledgment

Patience and being honest is the best. The researcher realized that this research would not been accomplished without God and without the help others. The researcher would like to thank the following:

To Maam Inot, she taught him how to make this research paper. Without her, he would not have been done with this term paper until the end of time. He is grateful for her patience and kindness.

To his classmates, thank you for the joy and unforgettable memories that you shared to him in Lourdes College.

To his ever supportive single mother, Glades Siago. Thank you for being there for him always in spite of all circumstances. He knows that it is not easy to be a single mom with three kids and without a husband, even though youre far from them, you still able to take your responsibility as a mother. Thank you also for providing him a laptop and a printer. Without these devices, the researcher would have been much risky to go to internet cafes. Anyways, he is happy to have an ever supportive mother like you. He loves you so much.

Table of Contents Introduction: Communication and Miscommunication. I. The different types of family structure in communication. A. Proper Communication B. Family Structures 1. Socio-Oriented Family Communication Structure 2. Concept-Oriented Family Communication Structure II. The Four Major Causes of Miscommunication between Parent and Children. A. Miscommunication Affect Relationships B. Behavioral Problems C. Weak Emotional Bonding III. Common Effects of Miscommunication among family members and to the Child. A. Miscommunication Affect Relationships B. Behavioral Problems C. Weak Emotional Bonding IV. How to resolve Parent- Child Miscommunication A. Child needs to know the task of a parent B. The need of Attention to children C. Proper Communication

Introduction

Communication is the activity of transmitting information through the exchange of conversation. Communication requires completing conversation with enough supporting details so that to receiver can understand the message of the sender. Miscommunication means failure to communicate with others.

Miscommunication happens when either a child or parents fails to transmit the correct information to one another. Every member in the family has different interpretation of words that can sometimes reject some information of words that can cause conflicts. (Not Walls a book about interpersonal communication Third Edition, 1982, 254.)

The purpose of this research is to answer the following questions intend in threefold. It intends first, to know the family communication structures. Second, to know what are the various causes of miscommunication in the family and third, to know how to resolve miscommunication. The researcher aims to help parents and children to manage miscommunication to a happy living.

I. The different types of family structure in communication.

A family must have a proper communication in order to operate smoothly. Proper communication plays a big role in interaction between family members. During the years ahead, you'll experience many of the same growing pains every parent faces as their child matures and gains independence. But you will have an additional transition to make. There are two forms of family communication to avoid miscommunication. (Two types of family communication structure, 2012).

Family Communication has two types of structures. The socio-oriented family communication structure and the concept- oriented communication structure, both has different communication skills to children. However both have positive effects on children. First is the Socio-oriented communication were practiced more by families from the urban than the rural community. Furthermore, in socio-oriented family communication, the children are directly obeying their parents. The children are not allowed to join in decision-making in the family. Second is the Concept-oriented communication style were higher among the urban than the rural community. Children are taught to fix

problems by themselves and they are taught to join decision-making in the family. (Ibid.).

II. The Four Major Causes of Miscommunication between Parent and Children.

The first cause of miscommunication is the context problem, which means the sender and receiver could not understand each others context and language. Furthermore, women love to express themselves and sometimes they say words that are misspoken. Mothers and Grandmas talks a lot when they are angry, they talk so much that sometimes there mouth speaks fast than there mind. This will cause some members of the family to get hurt specially children. In spite of these problems, you can solve it by talking and explaining to your child or members in the family to settle problems. (Remschmidt, Helmut. Children and Adolescents, 1981.).

The second cause is the assumptions between parents and children. Parent and child makes assumptions because most of the time we talk faster or slower and pauses that sometimes often jump to their imagination and complete those unclear words during those pauses. Sometimes our brain works faster than the sender whom we listen to, thats why we can create an assumption that can be the cause of miscommunication. (www.shirleytaylor.com).

The third cause is the generation gap between parents and children. Parents grew up in a different time with different pressures and problems. Parents want to understand their child and relate to them, but they cant relate

their childs behavior because they have different generation and culture. Without proper communication, this will cause big problems and conflicts.

(www.livestrong.com.).

The fourth cause of miscommunication is the Messy thinking in communication, it occurs when a person speaks at the middle of a conversation without finishing his/her conversation of information. Messy thinking usually happens when you are stress or high emotion. This act can cause problems. In other words, before you speak, choose a language that is precise, clear, and can be easily understood. (www.moneychrashers.com).

III. Common Effects of Miscommunication to family members and to the Child.

Miscommunication can damage connections because it breaks down the flow of a smooth communication. Some couples get to the point where they stop talking to each other. Miscommunication can weaken relationships because a relationship cant be successful without proper communication. (Digas, Relationship, 2009.).

Miscommunication can also cause behavioral problems. Parents who fail to communicate with their children properly will cause children to unexpressed difficult emotions that may cause behavioral issues. Kids also act out when their

parents fail to communicate with them, it cause so called battle grounds in the family. (Remschmidt, Children and Adolescents.1981.).

Miscommunication between parents and children can also cause weak emotional bonding. Communication between parents and children helps strengthen your emotional bonds. It also helps your child feel secure and safe. While improper communication creates emotional problems. Furthermore, the most common effect of miscommunication is the Trust issues. Parents and Child creates trust in the family with proper communication. However, improper communication causes trust issues that may lead to misunderstandings. (Ibid).

IV. How to resolve Parent- Child Miscommunication

Children need to know that their parents are in charge and that they make the final decisions involving all task in the family. At the same time, parents need to understand what it means to be in charge. Correct them in a right manner, but at appropriate times. Also, challenge yourself to arrange situations in a way that ensures the success of your child. Often, parents and children do not communicate properly with one another. It is important to understand when and how to listen, and when and how to be listened to. Listening is a good way so that the parent is in-charge, as well as promotes better communication. In turn,

better communication fosters increased respect. Increased respect results in children following the rules. (Skinner, Child Behavior Guide, 2011.).

Your child learns that misbehavior gains your attention. That attention is reinforcing. Attention is attention, despite your intention. Remember, misbehavior occurs for a reason. It is acquired through learning. It is based on experience, and it is selfish. If your child receives attention from you for positive actions, they will want to continue to gain that attention. Furthermore, when you begin to actively change your attitude, you will feel better about yourself as a parent. In turn, your child will be positively affected. Remember, children are reactive to the moods and behaviors of their parents. (Little, A lack of communication in the Family, 2011.).

Proper communication in the family is extremely important because it enables us to express our feelings, concerns, and needs. Open and direct communication can let the family members to express their differences as well as love and concerns. Furthermore, Co- parenting can sometimes called team parenting or open parenting. Co- parenting needs proper and direct communication to success of their childrens future and self - esteem. (Sala, Train Up a Child, 2010, 148.).

Conclusion

Communication is the activity of conveying information through the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, Miscommunication means failure to communicate with others. Family is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence.

According throughout research those families out there need proper communication in order to operate smoothly. Communication within the family plays a crucial role for present and future understanding of intrapersonal.

According to his research, there are two types of family communication structures. The socio- oriented family communication structure and the conceptoriented family communication structure are the two types of family communication structure. The causes of miscommunication are context problem, assumptions, generation gaps, and Missy thinking. These four major causes of miscommunication affect relationships, Behavior, Weak Emotional bonding and trust issues.

The researcher recommends this topic for further research so that a parent or a child can be aware of their actions, ways of talking, and ways of

parenting skills. If ever theres a student that will revise this topic, he or she needs allot of effort to add more values for the readers.

Bibliography A. Books a. Stewart, John R. Bridges Not Walls a book about interpersonal communication Third Edition. New York: Publishing Company, 1982, 254. b. Remschmidt, Helmut. Children and Adolescents. USA: The Willey Company, 1981. c. Mifflin, Houghton. Berko Wolvin Wolvin Sixth Edition communicating. USA. Prince-Hall Company, 1983, 42-43. d. Sala, Harold J. Train Up a Child. Philippines. Philippine Publishing House Inc., 2010, 148. B. Internet a. Skinner, Rachel. Child Behavior Guide, 2011. www.child-behaviorguide.com. b. Digas, Angela. How miscommunication can damage relationships, 2009. (www.relating360.com ) c. Nwddermeyer, Dorothy M. Relationships Problem Created by Miscommunication, 21 March 2005. www.ezinearticles.com. d. Little, Mark. A lack of communication in the Family, 21 November 2011. www.livestrong.com e. Lewis, Micheal. Common Miscommunication 2014. www.moneychrashers.com

f. Author, Unknown. Two types of family communication structure, 2012. www.ehow.com