Short Story: She's A Naturist

It was an astonishing revelation, and Brian's eyebrows lifted considerably. Suddenly he thought maybe it would be quite interesting to attend the School Open Day. Sadie frowned at her husband and only lifted one eyebrow... The conversation with their son was terminated at that point, however, as their two Staffies came haring in, knocking over the kitchen stool and spattering mud on her recently mopped floor. Kinda drove everything else out of her head, and Brian made good his escape, realising he'd been a bit too transparent once again. Bernie just thought the whole thing was a hoot, and laughed heartily as he and his mum got hold of the two miscreants and cleaned them up in the utility room. "Lot of help your dad is!" Sadie grumbled as they worked, and Bernie took her literally. "Yea! He built a super tree-house didn't he!" Sadie had to grin at that, and reminded herself that her naughty husband might have an eye for pretty ladies, but he'd chosen her to marry, and he was an incurable romantic. "Yes, he did," she agreed and gazed fondly out of the kitchen window at the ramshackle concoction made of all the odd bits of timber her husband had been finding over the last few months, usually on the beach. "He made the dog kennels too." these were cobbled up from the same kinds of materials, including a vast unrolling sheet of thick plastic, which had now made a very serviceable greenhouse, as well as providing the roofs for the aforementioned structures. "...and the greenhouse!" Bernie enthused. "...and the greenhouse," she agreed again, standing up as the two dogs made good their escape and disappeared into the garden again. "Close the kitchen door would you Bernie, I must get that mess mopped up and then we'll get some tea eh?" Brian very deliberately buried his face in the newspaper as Sadie came through to the sitting room. "How's page three today?" she asked mischievously, placing a plate of mini pork pies on the coffee table. He closed the left side of the newspaper over into his right hand and looked over his 'hornrims' at her. "Page three?" "Oh no!" she added as though she'd just remembered, "You don't take that paper any more, do you?" and she went back into the kitchen to splash a slosh of boiling water into a brown betty teapot, swill it round and then add two teabags and enough boiling water to cover them; the rest of the boiling water went into a flask, and an arm insinuated itself around her waist. "I love you." Brian whispered into her neck.

"Just give me one reason why I sould still love you?" she responded, turning her head to one side to accomodate his lips on her neck. "I'm handsome..." "Handsome is as ..." "Attentive..." "He makes super things, doesn't he Mum!" "Romantic..." "You're ganging up on me, you two!" and to press her advantage, which she was in danger of losing, she brusquely picked up the tray to carry it through. "I'll carry that love." and she let him. "The pork pies were on offer at the supermarket, I know you like them, but I'm not sure You deserve them..." "Oh, all right, I'm sorry I showed an interest in the possibility of seeing a naturist, - but aren't you interested in meeting her?" Sadie grinned. "It would be a revelation..." she admitted, pouring a cup each, with varying amounts of the very strong brew, and adding more or less hot water as strength was dictated. --They'd met several teachers already, but Miss Buchannan was being rather elusive. "Do you think she's here?" Sadie whispered. "I expect she's in the science lab!" Bernie piped up, "What do you think of my painting?" "It's brlliant!" Brian said proudly, "That's my boy! I like the dinosaur models you've done as well!" "Ah, Mr and Mrs, um, Smith is it?" the Headmaster confronted them, "How are you enjoying yourselves? I hope you've had a few of the canapes, I think they're especially good this year." "Mr Hopkins!" Sadie simpered, "You've outdone yourself again, it's just marvellous!" 'Overdone more like,' Brian muttered to Bernie, then straightened up as the child giggled, "A most impressive Open Day sir, I congratulate you!" then as the imposing 50-year-old drifted on, "Now who's flirting?"

"I wasn't!" but Sadie blushed. "Well, he is an impressive man, and I just love the silver streaks in that iron grey hair!" "He's still got all his hair, so he can't be as virile as he looks." "What's virile Daddy?" "Just because yours is receding..." "It isn't! - Is it?" "What's receding Mummy?" "Isn't the science lab over there?" Sadie pointed, trying to hide her grin. "OH! There's Miss Buchanan!" Bernie shouted, pointing away from the science lab. Brian and Sadie turned as one and Bernie led them through the throng to the feet of a brownhaired lady of forty-something. She was deep in conversation with two other sets of parents, over a table full of drawings and photographs, and extolling the virtues of their children in a most satisfying manner as Bernie barged up to her before his parents coud stop him. "This is my mum and dad!" he interrupted enthusiastically. "Bernie! You musn't interrupt people who are talking! I've told you about that!" Sadie admonished. "Uh? I forgot, sorry!" "It's quite all right," Miss Buchannan soothed, "These are the Phillips," she indcated the couple on the right, and the Samsons, I expect you know their daughters don't you Bernie?" "Rather!" Bernie grinned, "...and this lovely couple are Bernie's parents, Mr and Mrs Smith!" "We were just getting into a very interesting conversation about some of these pictures," Mrs Phillips began, then noticed how her husband's eyes were rather steadily fixed in Mrs Smith's bosom. She gave him a sharp dig in the ribs, and glared at Sadie, making her shift to hide slightly behind Brian, trying not to grin. It was difficult not to, however, because she was also aware that both women were looking at Brian in 'that' covert way... Miss Buchannan continued as though unaware of the sudden tension, "Well I'd just reached the Congo, and was going into some of the amazing likenesses between the behaviour of some of the great apes and ourselves," she said, her motherly smile broadening as she found hiding her amusement more and more difficult. "Being a Naturalist, and travelling to so many countries..." her lilting voice kind've faded into the background as Brian and Sadie looked at each other.

'Naturalist!" they mouthed in unison, and became absorbed in the fascinating histories of various apes. "Miss Buchannan is a Naturalist, Bernie," Sadie was trying to attract her husband's attention as he spoke, shaking her head, and doing dismissive movements with her hands, "not a Naturist, there's a dfference!" she let them drop as he finished, and buried her head in her hands as Bernie asked:"What's a Naturist then Dad? close

Well, what would you think if your six-year-old told you that about one of his teachers? It was an astonishing revelation, and Brian's eyebrows lifted considerably. Suddenly he thought maybe it would be quite interesting to attend the School Open Day. Sadie frowned at her husband and only lifted one eyebrow... The conversation with their son was terminated at that point, however, as their two Staffies came haring in, knocking over the kitchen stool and spattering mud on her recently mopped floor. Kinda drove everything else out of her head, and Brian made good his escape, realising he'd been a bit too transparent once again. Bernie just thought the whole thing was a hoot, and laughed heartily as he and his mum got hold of the two miscreants and cleaned them up in the utility room. "Lot of help your dad is!" Sadie grumbled as they worked, and Bernie took her literally. "Yea! He built a super tree-house didn't he!" Sadie had to grin at that, and reminded herself that her