BAD SITUATION

The stage is as it is in the current version of Wicked, prior to the “Let Her Go!” music
cue. Actors are likewise. Elphaba is holding her suitcase.

MORRIBLE: So it’s settled! Miss Elphaba--[Taking Elphaba and Galinda by the hands
and bringing them together] you can share with Miss Galinda
GALINDA/ELPHABA: [Backing away from each other, horrified] What!?
MORRIBLE: [Oblivious] There, that’s solved. [She turns to exit] Come along, ladies.
Merciful Oz! First days can be sooo exhaustifying!
[Vamp starts as MORRIBLE exits USL, Female Students follow her. Male students exit
the opposite way. ELPHABA and GALINDA haven’t moved and don’t until they sing.
They stare at each other in horror.]
GALINDA/ELPHABA:
[As the last few students are exiting; not moving, but turning their heads toward the
audience, the girls sing]

WHAT IN SWEET OZ COULD THEY BE THINKING OF,

THINKING WE COULD COHABITATE?
[They turn their bodies towards the audience]
WHY GO AND RUIN A ROOM I COULD LOVE
WITH A ROOMATE THEY KNEW I’D HATE?

GALINDA:
[Taking one step forward]
SHE’S CREEPY

ELPHABA:
[Taking a step forward, making sure she moves just slightly further than GALINDA]
SHE’S CLOYING

GALINDA:
[Accepting the “challenge,” moves another step forward]
SHE’S GLOOMY

ELPHABA:
[Taking another step forward so she is even with GALINDA]
SHE’S VAIN

GALINDA:
[Turing away]
UNSOCIABLE

ELPHABA:
[Turning away]
CLIQUISH
 GALINDA:
DEPRESSINGLY PLAIN
[Over her shoulder; exaggerated aside]
LACKING ALL SENSE OF FUN

ELPHABA
[Doing likewise]
LACKING ALL SENSE OF BRAIN

ELPHABA /GALINDA
[Quickly whipping around to stare at each other]
SHE WILL DRIVE ME INSANE
[Looking at the audience]
BUT WAIT
[Taking a step away from each other]
STOP
[Turning away slowly]
WAIT

[Moving to their “What is this feeling” beginning locations, ELPHABA crosses behind
GALINDA. Shiz scenery moves offstage]
I’VE GOT TO MAKE THE
BEST OF A BAD SITUATION
GET BY THIS SET BACK,
AND GET BACK IN GEAR

[They arrive at their locations]

[A platform with a door frame and door slides in from DSR and stops center. Door will
open in]

GALINDA:
WHEN SHE’S RUDE

ELPHABA:
WHEN SHE’S CRUEL

ELPHABA/GALINDA:
ACT AS THOUGH I’VE NOT HEARD HER
I WON’T GET FAR IN SCHOOL IF I’M
[Staring at each other from across the stage]
LOCKED UP FOR MURDER!
[They cross to the Door platform]
SO I MUST MAKE THE
BEST OF A BAD SITUATION
[They step up onto the platform. ELPHABA gestures for GALINDA to go first]
AND TRY TO SURVIVE THIS YEAR
As the girls walk through the door, the platform moves upstage while making a half turn,
so they end up entering the dorm room from USC. Meanwhile, the dormitory scenery
moves in; same as “Popular” scenery with the addition of GALINDA’S luggage, which is
tracked in to the left of her bed, and the exception of the girls other embellishments
(shoes, books, extra bedding, etc). GALINDA crosses to her. Elphaba crosses to the other
bed and sets her suitcase down on top of it. GALINDA opens one of her many pieces of
luggage and begins placing articles of clothing on the bed. ELPHABA watches in
disbelief from the opposite side of her bed.

GALINDA: Let’s see: Skimmies… pettifloats…pantaloon-a-ticks…

[She notices Elphaba watching her. Trying to be friendly, she crosses to Elphaba’s bed
with a piece of clothing in her hand.] Aren’t you going to unpack?
[Elphaba opens her suitcase and dumps a downpour of books on her bed]
GALINDA: [Picks up one of the books.] Too much reading can make you go blind. [She
drops the book back down on Elphaba’s bed. Elphaha, annoyed, snatches the article of
clothing from Galinda.
ELPHABA: Too many ruffles can make you long for blindness. [She throws the article
over Galinda’s bed and onto the floor. Galinda retrieves it and then looks back at
Elphaba. They smile poisonously at each other.]

ELPHABA/GALINDA
[Going on with their business, Galinda continues to unpack, Elphaba sorts through her
books. They both move in rhythm to the music; paying more attention to that than the
quality of their work]
TOTALLY DIFFERENT
I’M HAPPY TO SAY
AS DIFFERENT AS
CHALK TO CHEESE

GLINDA:
[With a fake smile and forced pep]
SHE’S A GROUCH

ELPHABA:
[With like attitude]
SHE’S A GOSSIP

GALINDA:
[angrier]
A FREAK
 ELPHABA:
A CLICHÉ

ELPHABA/GALINDA:
[forceful smiles]
AND THOSE ARE HER
BEST QUALITIES

GALINDA:
[Stops working and stares at Elphaba, who doesn’t notice.]
IF SHE HAS ANY CHARM
SHE KEEPS IT IN CHECK
[She continues working]

ELPHABA:
[Stops working and stares at Galinda, who doesn’t notice.]
SOMEONE ELSE’S PERSPECTIVE
SHE HASN’T A SPECK

ELPHABA/GALINDA:
[Crossing to the thrusting platforms for two separate asides. (Like beginning of WITF
but switched sides)]
SO BEFORE I BECOME
A COMPLETE NERVOUS WRECK
PUT MY HANDS ‘ROUND HER NECK
[Making the gesture]
AND SQUEEZE, STOP, FREEZE.
[Music pauses while the girls compose themselves, re-enter the scene, and move back to
their respective beds]

ELPHABA/GALINDA:
[Music and work continue. Galinda setting her clothes on top of the luggage, Elphaba
placing the books back in the suitcase and closing it. Both are trying even harder this
time to stay positive and friendly, but it’s not really working]
I’M SURE THERE MAY BE THINGS
THAT PROVIDE MITIGATION
SHE MAY NOT BE AS CHARM-FREE
AS I FEAR

ELPHABA:
SHE MAY BE NEAT AS A PIN

GALINDA:
MAY BE GREAT AT HOUSE KEEPING
 GALINDA/ELPHABA:
AND WHENEVER I’M IN

ELPHABA:
SHE’LL BE OUT

GALINDA:
OR BE SLEEPING
[Galinda’s luggage tracks offstage. Elphaba sets her suitcase on her bed. Closed, with
books back inside.]

GALINDA/ELPHABA:
[Crossing downstage, just past their beds.]
SO I MUST MAKE THE
BEST OF A BAD SITUATION
AND TRY TO SURVIVE THIS YEAR

[Elphaba exits SR as Pfannee and Shen-Shen enter SL]

GALINDA: She’s such a showoff! [Galinda sits back on the edge of her bed. Pfannee
and Shen-Shen quickly move in to comfort her] Spinning that chair and stealing that
seminar from me!

[There is a knock at the door. Galinda stands, regains composure, and crosses to the
USC door]

GALINDA: If only there was some way to put her in her place!
[She opens the door, revealing BOQ, a Munchkin, who stands there, holding a package.]
BOQ: Miss Galinda--? I—
GALINDA: A Package! [Galinda takes the package, slams the door in Boq’s face.] It’s
from Granny! [She crosses downstage. Pfannee and Shen-Shen gather around her;
Pfanne to her left, Shen-Shen to her right. Galinda hands the package to Pfannee and
reads the card.]
GALINDA: “I made this myself.” [Handing the card to Shen-Shen.] Oh, I hope it’s
fudge!
[Galinda takes the top off the package and pulls out a pointy black hat. She holds it by its
point at an arm’s length. The girls all stare at it, disgusted and stunned.]
GALINDA: [trying no to gag] Oh dear.
PFANNEE: What a hideotious bonnet!
SHEN-SHEN: [Gets an idea, grabs the hat from Galinda] Give it to Seaweed!
PFANNEE: Oh that would be so humoresque!
[they hear someone at the door]
GALINDA: [Grabbing the hat from Shen-Shen, placing it on Elphaba’s bed.] Shhh.
[With hushed giggles, they move quickly back over to Galinda’s bed and strike an
“innocent” pose just in time as Elphaba enters through the door. She is a holding a
book.]
ELPHABA: [Sees the hat, puts the book down, and picks the hat up.] What’s this?
GALINDA: Why, how did that get there? [She crosses to Elphaba, takes the hat back]
It’s just my new crown cover. [She puts the hat on and begins to cross down stage like a
model on a runway. Elphaba sits on her bed, confused] Isn’t it sharp? They call it high
fashion. [She stops and does a few model poses in the fourth wall mirror.] And you
know, there’s nothing like a black pointy hat, if you want to turn heads. [She pivots and
crosses back to Elphaba]
PFANNEE: Absolutely
SHEN-SHEN: That’s what I hear.
GALINDA: [Turns toward Pfannee and Shen-Shen and away from Elphaba, who has
lost interest anyway and is deep in her book] Anyway, if any of you ever want to borrow
it— [She takes the hat off and offers it to the girls]
SHEN-SHEN: Any of us?
GALINDA: [Looks over her shoulder at Elphaba to see she is not paying any attention
to her, she returns] Well, [louder] except for Miss Elphaba of course.
ELPHABA: [stops reading] Why except for me?
GALINDA: [Turns quickly, “surprised”] Well you just--[Elphaba stands]--don’t seem
to give much care to your appearance, that’s all! [She looks at the hat, offers it to
Elphaba.] You can borrow it if you like, Miss Elphaba.
ELPHABA: [Pushes the hat back toward Galinda] I won’t be borrowing your hat
GALINDA: Oh. [Sets the hat back down on her own bed] Well, if you ever change your
mind--
ELPHABA: Change my mind? [She crosses to the door, stops, turns back] When
monkeys fly! [She turns and exits through the door, slamming it behind her. Galinda is
frozen, stunned]

PFANNEE/SHEN-SHEN
DEAR GALINDA YOU ARE JUST TOO GOOD
[They stand on Galinda’s bed]
HOW DO YOU STAND IT I DON’T THINK I COULD

PFANNEE
SHE’S A TERROR

SHEN-SHEN
SHE’S A TARTAR

PFANNEE/SHEN-SHEN
WE DON’T MEAN TO SHOW A BIAS
[Galinda stands on Elphaba’s bed]
BUT GALINDA YOU’RE A MARTYR
 GALINDA
WELL THESE THINGS ARE MEANT
TO TRY US
SO I TRY TO MAKE THE
*BEST OF A BAD SITUATION
THO’ SHE’S HELLACIOUS
BE GRACIOUS, BE DEAR
LET HER SCOWL, LET HER FROWN
WE WON’T LET IT ENRAGE US
JUST HOPE SOON SHE’LL ENCOUNTER
SOMETHING HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS
AND MEANWHILE MAKE THE BEST OF A BAD SITUATION
[Galinda, Shen-Shen, and Pfannee sit on their knees on the beds. Dorm scenery starts to
split and move out, taking the girls on the beds with it.]
AND TRY TO SURVIVE

(*COUNTERPART)
PFANNE/SHEN-SHEN/OTHER SHIZ STUDENTS
[Shiz students enter USL and USR behind the Dorm scenery and do a few fancy
marching style steps back and fourth across the stage (similar to WITF) Pfannee and
Shen-Shen do the choreography also but on a much smaller scale as they are both on
Galinda’s bed. The Shiz students remain in the background and mostly all we see is
they’re silhouettes]
YOU’RE A SAINT

YOU’RE SUCH A DEAR

AND MEAN WHILE MAKE THE BEST

[The Students start to Exit left and right]
OF
A BAD SITUATION

WE’LL HELP YOU SURVIVE THIS

[From offstage]
YEAR
(*END COUNTERPART)

[The Dormitory scenery moves out, the door slides forward and spins around revealing
Elphaba standing on the opposite side platform]

ELPHABA
AT LONG LONG LAST
I TRIED TO BELIEVE
I WAS FREE
 OF STUPID NASTY SNOBS
HOW NAÏVE COULD I BE?
I CAN’T LET ONE LIKE HER
DEFLECT ME FROM MY PURPOSES
KEEP ME FROM WHAT I’M WORKING FOR

[The door (with Elphaba) moves stage right during her note hold. Elphaba steps off the
platform. The door continues offstage. Galinda enters from DSL with Pfannee, Shen-
Shen, and the other Shiz students behind her.]

PFANNE/SHEN-SHEN/OTHER SHIZ STUDENTS

POOR POOR POOR POOR
GALINDA HER ROMMIE’S A BLIGHT
[Elphaba and Galinda see each other and cross to center. Pfanne, Shen-Shen, and the
other Shiz students move out of their way up stage/]
I FEEL SO SORRY FOR HER
BUT I’D LOVE TO SEE A FIGHT
I’D LOVE TO SEE A FIGHT I’D

ELPHABA/GALINDA
*YOU TRY TO MAKE THE BEST
OF A BAD SITUATION
YOU’RE A TROUPER
WHEN YOU PERSERVERE
WHO KNEW TRYING COULD PROVE
TO BE SO WELL TRYING

GALINDA
[Stepping out left]
LET’S HOPE SOON SHE’LL BE MOVING

ELPHABA
[Stepping out right]
OR LEAVING

GALINDA/ELPHABA
[Looking back at each other]
OR DYING!
[Galinda crosses SL, Elphaba crosses SR]
BUT IF WE MAKE THE
BEST OF A BAD SITUATION
[Looking back at each other]
WE BOTH MAY SURVIVE THIS YEAR
[Looking out]
UNLESS I KILL HER
[crossing to center]
LET’S HOPE TO SURVIVE THIS YEAR!
 [They turn out and fold their arms on the final orchestra note]

(*COUNTERPART)
PFANNEE/SHEN-SHEN/OTHER SHIZ STUDENTS
[Doing choreography behind Galinda and Elphaba]
(I’D) LOVE TO SEE A FIGHT
IT’S A BAD SITUATION
WHAT FUN
[Classroom scenery starts moving in; benches, chalkboard, banners]
I’M DYING TO SEE IF THEY
SURVIVE THIS BAD SITUATION

SHIZ STUDENTS
WILL THEY SURVIVE
[Scenery lands]
THE YEAR!

PFANNEE/SHEN-SHEN
[Standing on benches as soon as they stop moving]
IF I HAD SUCH A WRECTCHED ROOMIE
IT WOULD TOTALLY UNDO ME
AND I’D NEVER SURVIVE THE YEAR!
(*END COUNTERPART)

[Shiz students, Pfannee, and Shen-Shin sit on the last orchestra note]