Confidence Thinking

by Catherine Pratt: www.Life-With-Confidence.com Confidence thinking is really the mastery of one's mind. You need to have control over your thoughts and not the other way around. Once you gain this skill and it really is !ust a skill you develo" you then not only think "ositively you will have an aura of com"lete confidence and inner "eace. It is your thought patterns which have the greatest impact on your life. #hink about it. $f you think everything in your world is horrible and that there%s no ho"e then how can you "ossibly change your life for the better& Your negative thoughts now com"letely control your life. #he good news is that you can change this sim"ly by learning a few techni'ues to gain mastery over your thoughts. You start by paying attention to your thoughts. What is that little voice you have in your head saying to you over and over? Once you start actually hearing these thoughts you%re going to want to know !ow do I stop the negative thoughts in my head and !ow do I gain control over how I automatically react to certain situations? You%ll discover the answers to these 'uestions in the articles listed below. These are easy to use tips and strategies that will help you change your negative thought patterns into confidence thinking"

#evelop Inner $wareness

$ huge number of people don%t know who they really are. Yes they know they work at a certain !ob and live in a certain community but dee" down they have lost the awareness of who they really are what they(re truly feeling and what their "ur"ose is. &ome signs that this may have ha""ened to you is when you start to feel a sense of hel"lessness or feel that you(re not actually in control of your life. $n an attem"t to deal with this inner "owerlessness you may also become: ). *ery goal oriented and determined to accom"lish something +. ,ttached to obtaining certain things or being around certain "eo"le -. .eel like you(re constantly struggling /. #ry anything and everything to feel like you%re in control of your life. 0. .eel that you absolutely need a certain amount of money or be around "articular "eo"le or own s"ecific things to be ha""y1 that without them you have nothing. #hese actions stem mainly from feeling that something is missing in your life . You don%t know e'actly what (it) is but you *ust feel that there%s something. You feel unsettled and as you struggle to fill that constant hole within you+ you may feel tense+ an'ious+ or stressed . ,s you continue to remain unaware you%ll mostly likely find that you can(t move forward in your life or feel that you%re !ust going around in circles. ,ny success that you do achieve won(t bring you the inner ha""iness you so des"erately crave. You may also stay in unsatisfying relationshi"s because you can(t really connect to others and you basically live a one dimensional life never 'uite understanding why your life has gone the way it has. You !ust feel that there has to be more to life but you have no idea what or how to find it. 2y being able to develo" inner awareness you become much more involved with life because you(ll suddenly understand yourself and others with a new and e3citing clarity. #he stories you tell yourself and others are suddenly no longer necessary. You acce"t and love reality e3actly as it is. You(ll become o"en and attentive to each moment of your life and you let go of the thoughts and suffering that you(ve held on to from your "ast. With awareness+ the emptiness inside you finally disappears. You fill that hole simply by becoming conscious instead of living your life on auto pilot. You also cease to look for the answers out there . You allow the real you to emerge and people start to notice a new radiance and calmness about you. You(ll find that you love to share your !oy of life with others and you gain a sense of s"iritual "ower. &o how do you develop inner awareness?

,uestion your feelings Whenever you notice that you(re feeling bad which could be things like angry de"ressed bored resentment !ealousy or frustrated 'uestion your feelings. .or e3am"le: 4 Why am $ so angry 4 Why am $ feeling de"ressed& 4 Why am $ feeling hurt& 5emember that "eo"le don(t make you feel a certain way 6angry for e3am"le7 they(re !ust a trigger for your emotions. $t(s your reaction that you need to figure out. #hose feelings are trying to tell you something. You !ust need to listen and gain an awareness of what it means. ,uestion your thoughts 2ecome a witness or an observer of yourself. 8ee how your thoughts cause you to react and also act in certain ways. 4 ,re your actions a result of limiting beliefs or !ust habit& 4 ,re you trying to gain a""roval or mani"ulate others& 4 Why are you doing what you(re doing& What is your true intention behind your actions& 4 9o you believe that you :have; to do things in a certain way& 6e3am"le you have to kee" doing this !ob you dislike in order to "ay the rent7 4 ,re you letting thoughts from the "ast rule your future& 4 $f you were able to let go of one of your beliefs how different would your life be&

-et go" .ela' and stop struggling+ stop trying so hard+ stop trying to manipulate things to go your way+
*ust stop doing and let yourself *ust (be). $ccept things as they are . You need to find that gentle flow of life and go with it not against the current. This doesn%t mean that you stop taking responsibility for your life. It%s more guiding your life in the direction you want instead of trying to force it. ,nother "art of letting go is releasing all your beliefs that "eo"le or things :should; behave in certain ways. :8he should a""reciate what $(ve done for her; :he should give me a gift;. -et go of all the (should%s) in your life. /ractice inspiration $t(s im"ortant to kee" reading books and utili0e other ideas that not only inspire you but motivate and teach you new ideas and concepts . You may also want to try things like meditation+ prayers or any other rela'ing e'ercise . ,lso try to find a friend or a grou" that you can learn from but also lean on for su""ort when you(re first learning to change your thinking. 1onitor your actions Pay attention to where you%re spending your time. ,re you caught u" in doing :busy; work or distractions like tv movies sociali<ing in an attem"t to relieve those unsettled feelings you have. #he feelings won(t go away until you deal with them. ,lso do you have a general direction you%re heading& 9o you have a specific goal& $t(s more do you know what direction you want to go& 9o you have a vision of what you want to do with your life& #his doesn(t even need to be e3act as it could be sim"ly that you know you want to e3"lore certain things more that you want to buy a house or that you have a list of "laces you want to visit. $t(s understanding what e3cites you about life and knowing what your values are. 2y having this direction you cease to drift through life. You instead start to guide yourself in the direction you need to go. $long with monitoring your actions comes listening to your inner voice . Listen when it tells you you%re getting distracted and going down the wrong "ath. It will tell you but you have to be willing to listen. 8ummary - 9evelo" $nner ,wareness: #here is this mistaken belief that if you get more money or a better career or better friends then you will be able to do more of what you want to do which is su""osed to finally

lead you to ha""iness. #he truth is that the re2uired steps are in the wrong order this way. If you develop inner awareness of who you are+ why you act the way you do and know what you really want+ you'll discover the meaning of being content and happy. You(ll also be able to accom"lish what you need to do in order to achieve what you desire. You(ll !ust naturally start to focus on goals and actions that are the most fulfilling for you and others. You(ll also discover that you(re able to connect with "eo"le on a much dee"er level than you ever could before. Your whole life will suddenly look and feel com"letely different and all you(ve done is develo" inner awareness

Changing Core 3eliefs

Changing core beliefs can sound like a daunting task if it%s a way of thinking that you%ve had for a long time. 2ut it isn%t really. !ere are 4 strategies on how to change your old core beliefs"

1.

1ake &ure You !ave the .ight: One 8ometimes the core belief you think you have isn%t really the one that%s causing the "roblems. .or e3am"le you might think you%re a really "ositive "erson but in reality what you're saying to yourself and those around you could be 2uite negative . 5ne way to really determine what your true core belief is to notice what you say to yourself during times of great stress. 9o you say =8ee $%m unlovable= or =8ee $ can%t do this=. #hat%s the core belief you need to change. ,lso look at the world around you. What is ha""ening& ,re there any "atterns you see& .or e3am"le:

> 9o all your relationshi"s fail& > ,re you in constant debt& > 9o "eo"le never have time for you& 5nce you see the pattern+ then ask yourself what you think about that issue . ?aybe =?oney is a struggle= =$%m not good with "eo"le= or =$%m not im"ortant=. Listen to yourself. 5nce you figure it out+ then turn it around. $sk yourself" 6 What do I want? 6 What would I have to believe in order to have this? 7e't+ you're going to re8program yourself. 9. $wareness Once you%ve com"leted 8te" ) then awareness is the ne3t ste" to changing core beliefs. &imply observe how you behave and you'll soon see the results that you're creating for yourself. Changing those old patterns becomes much easier when you see it's been due to how you were thinking+ reacting+ and behaving. &ometimes+ *ust the sudden understanding of why you react the way you do+ is enough to let go of old thought processes. If simply being aware of what your core belief is isn't enough then whenever you have the thought say+ Cancel to yourself. Cancel that thought. It's no longer true for you. $s soon as you think that thought+ release it+ and think of your new belief. It could be something like+ I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to. It's a matter of being aware of when you have your old thought and replacing it with your new one. If you can+ also be aware of what triggers your old thought. .emember+ these old beliefs were originally created to keep you safe. You no longer need them to do that for you. 5ne other thing to remember is that nothing has any meaning until you give it a meaning. You are the only one who gives meaning to anything and everything in your life. You have the power to put a new meaning on some aspect of your life. This will change your life because you're seeing it in a completely new way.

:. ;se a 1irror $f you have a core belief like =$%m unlovable= or =$ don%t deserve anything= then a very effective way of working on re-"rogramming this core belief is to use a mirror. Look at yourself in the mirror and say something like =$ am lovable $ am com"letely and wonderfully lovable.= &mile at yourself while you're saying it. If you feel like you don't deserve money+ you could try writing yourself a che2ue and hand it to yourself in the mirror. $t first+ you may not even be able to look at yourself in the eye and it may feel really+ really uncomfortable. <eep trying. =very time you do it+ it will get easier and each time+ your subconscious begins to believe it a little bit more. .or some "eo"le changing core beliefs like this ha""ens 'uickly and for others sometimes it can take a few months. $t does work though. One other mirror affirmation to try is what a man called =mile Coue suggests. @mile Coue stated back in the early )ABB%s that if you looked in a mirror three times a day and said to yourself three times =@very day and in every way $ am getting better and better= that your life would dramatically change for the better. ,s he says =Our subconscious is entirely re"rogrammable by this sim"le "ositive sentence.= $t "uts your imagination into gear and it starts your subconscious believing that things really will go better and then because you have this belief your life !ust naturally does get better and better. #here%s numerous testimonials that it does work. Cive it a try it%s easy to do and the words are easy to remember. #he added benefit of doing this is it%ll "ut you in a good mood. >. -earn ?rom 5thers 9iscover who you know with the core belief you want and then hang out with them. Dow do they think& What do they tell themselves& What do they believe& You can then say the same things to yourself. .or e3am"le if you want to have a healthy relationshi" you need to believe what will get you that. =?y relationshi"s are healthy and based u"on mutual res"ect.= #hink e3actly like the "erson who already has that. #he goal isn%t to !ust co"y them or "retend to be that "erson it%s more about learning from the e3"erts listening to new ideas seeing new ways of thinking and then working to incor"orate those ideas into your own beliefs. You%ll still be you but you will have grown your mind to include this new thought "rocess. $f you don%t know anyone then find a book 6could be self hel" or an autobiogra"hy or even !ust one with strong characters7 or a movie or tv show or an online forum anywhere where the thought "rocess you want is discussed or used. 4. <eep #oing It ;ntil You've @ot a 7ew Core 3elief ,t first when you%re working on changing core beliefs you may find it hard to believe your new thought . You might say to yourself =$%m so very lovable= but that voice in the back of your head keeps saying+ Yeah+ right . 5emember that it%s your past e'periences which have provided you with this core belief . ?any times it was created in order to keep you safe and to protect yourself from more pain and suffering. <now that this isn't true . You%re safe without that old thought. $t doesn%t serve you anymore and you can change it. Dere%s another suggestion from #ony 5obbins =,ll "ersonal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs. 8o how do we change& #he most effective way is to get your brain to associate massive pain to the old belief . You must feel dee" in your gut that not only has this belief cost you "ain in the "ast but it%s costing you in the "resent and ultimately can only bring you "ain in the future. #hen you must associate tremendous pleasure to the idea of ado"ting a new em"owering belief.= Eee" working on changing those old outdated beliefs. $t might ha""en within days or it might take months. Fo matter how long it takes you%re worth it and you%re worth taking the time and effort to create the new core belief which will allow you to reach your goals.

!ow To Change Your Thoughts

Whenever my dog 3arney comes into the house after having been for a ride in the car + he runs to the "en we have set u" for him by the back door. $t(s not something we intentionally trained him to do. #he habit came sim"ly because my husband tended to "ut him in his "en whenever they came in. ,fter doing it a few times 2arney !ust figures that(s what you do when you come inside after a car ride. It%s the same with your thinking. You get into the habit of thinking a certain way and then you(ll rarely 'uestion it after that. #his is es"ecially true when you were growing u". You develo"ed habits that !ust made things easier for you. You "robably didn(t even think about them. #hat(s !ust the way it was and that(s what you did. Gust like 2arney thinks he has to go into his "en you do things automatically as well. .or e3am"le when you were a kid

you may have been told not to (talk back) and to *ust keep 2uiet about things that were bothering you . These are habits that might have worked to keep you safe and out of trouble when you were young. Fow that you%re grown u" you may be finding that these "revious strategies are actually causing you "roblems. $n a relationshi" not communicating isn%t going to work as your "artner can(t read your mind. What works when you%re a child may not work when you become an adult. When you decide you need to change your thoughts your brain may at first feel that it%s not a safe thing to do. Lots of "ractice and years of e3"erience says it(s not. ,lso you don(t know how or when to 'uestion the thought. $t(s a truth for you. #he trick is to look at your results and see if your thoughts are the cause.

$ few tips to help you with learning to change your thoughts" AB 3e 5pen" 2e willing to 2uestion your thinking and ask yourself if there are thoughts that are hindering you. ,s you are now in a different "hase of your life different strategies may be needed. One techni'ue to try is whenever you feel an3ious or u"set when dealing with someone ask yourself why you're feeling those emotions. Or ask yourself why you reacted a certain way. $f your answer is because you want "eo"le to like you or to a""rove of you then you need to kee" 'uestioning yourself as to why you feel you need to do that. Why do you doubt yourself& Why do you think they won%t like you if you sim"ly be yourself& You may discover that an event from your childhood has made you think that you need to respond to certain situations in a particular way. $t may have been a good strategy when you were little but if it%s not working for you now then you need to change it. 9B 3e $ware" #on%t *ust automatically respond the same way you always do . /ay attention to how you react and what actions you use to solve certain issues . You should be able to see where how your behavior is creating the results that you get. If you don%t like the results then you your thoughts might benefit from a few minor ad*ustments. 5ften *ust becoming aware of what you%ve been doing will change your habit. $sk Yourself Why $t hel"s if you ask yourself every once in awhile why are you doing the things you are& 8 $s it because that(s the way you(ve always done them& 8 $s it because you(re res"onding on automatic "ilot& - $s it to get a certain res"onse from others& :B 3e @entle With Yourself C/atientB" When learning to change your thoughts it(s going to take time and "ractice. $t(s not going to be something that you can change overnight. 3eing aware is definitely the first step and at first you might have to kee" reminding yourself but after awhile it will become your new habit and you won%t have to think about it anymore. &ummary on !ow To Change Your Thoughts : $f there are areas in your life that !ust aren%t working whether it%s with friends work or "ersonal relationshi"s then this might be a clue that you need to change certain thought "atterns. Dust telling yourself to think differently may not always work. You need to be aware of what+ when+ and why you usually tell yourself certain things . Once you know that you can make the conscious effort to change it. $t can be hard to change something that(s been a "art of you for a long time so be gentle on yourself. 2uilding new habits takes time. $t will also take a few times before your brain reali<es yes it(s safe to do it this new way too. 2ut by being aware of your thoughts your results and also by asking yourself =why= can lead you to changing those thoughts that no longer serve you. #his is definitely a worthwhile e3ercise as you%ll be ama<ed at the difference you can make in your relationshi"s sim"ly by changing your thoughts.

&ilencing the 7egative Inner Eoice

Dere are the 0 ti"s to sto" the negative inner voice in its tracks:

A. Think of something else H think of something that makes you ha""y or that you really a""reciate. Life is too short not to a""reciate the good things in life. 9. &ilver -inings H try to think of whether any good things will come out of the situation. Isually most negative situations "rovide an awesome o""ortunity to grow in some way. :. Why? 8 think about why you are really replaying the conversation over and over. - $s it really because you want some !ustification for your anger& - 9o you really want an a"ology from the other "erson& - 9o you want to hear from others that you(re right and the other "erson is wrong& .iguring out the real reason you(re so mad will hel" you to see the whole situation in a different light. $t(s much easier to let go of that negative inner voice conversation when you understand why it is that you are so angry. >. -essons? - ,re there any lessons you(ve learnt in this situation& 9id you learn how it feels when you(re not a""reciated or when you(re taken advantage of& Could be a valuable lesson on how not to treat others. 9id you learn how to handle the situation better in the future& 4. <arma? - Dave you treated someone else the way you were !ust treated& $s the universe trying to tell you something& Gust by thinking about the situation in a slightly different way can be enough to get you off the raging conversation trap. 5aging conversations are sim"ly a waste of energy. #hey get us nowhere and they are emotionally draining. 2y thinking of the situation in a different way instead of !ust :raging; we can learn from the situation and move on rather than getting stuck in a negative energy rut.

-ife Change 8 F .easons Why We're $fraid to Change

#he key to changeJ K is to let go of fear - Rosanne Cash The thought of making a life change can be so intimidating that even though you want to be the master of your own destiny you%ll end u" doing nothing or settling for less than you deserve sim"ly because you are so afraid of that change. Dere(s the L main reasons you can end u" "aralysed with fear and what you can do about them: ). ?ear of the ;nknown" We(ve all heard of the old "roverb :#he 9evil you know is better than the one you don(t;. #his great fear of the unknown causes people not to take chances and to stay in situations where they(re not very ha""y. ,s soon as "eo"le think about change they start playing the (what if?) game.

4 What if I make a mistake? G What if it%s worse than what I have now? G What if I fail? You tell yourself the :grass is greener; and bury any thoughts of changing your situation for the better. You think you should stay where you are+ *ust in case. You don(t have a crystal ball to "redict the future so you can(t tell for sure what the conse'uences of your actions will be. You do know what you have now and you tell yourself that if you think about it it(s really not that bad. 5ight& #he fear of the unknown is what sto"s most "eo"le from ever making "ositive changes in their lives. $f you let it your imagination can dream u" a never ending su""ly of terrible things that could ha""en. 2ut let(s think about it. You have the ability to imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen so that means you also have the skill to use your energy to imagine the absolute best thing that could happen. It%s a matter of focus . Why do you waste so much time imagining the worst when there%s *ust as much of a chance of the best outcome happening & $n 8usan Geffers book ?eel the ?ear and #o It $nyway she says that whatever o"tion you choose will "rovide you with new o""ortunities and sur"rises that you may never have imagined ha""ening. :$ can(t lose K regardless of the outcome of the decision $ make. #he world is a "lace for o""ortunity and $ look forward to the o""ortunities for learning and growing that either "athway gives me.; - Susan Jeffers. ,s she says there is no wrong decision there(s !ust different o""ortunities. It makes it far easier to face the unknown if you think of all your options as e'citing and

worthwhile. You *ust need to decide which one you want to do right now . #here is no wrong choice. 9oesn%t that make you feel better when you think of it that way& 9. #oubt Yourself" When you are contem"lating making a life change you will usually begin to doubt whether you are up for the challenge. #hings can also seem a lot bigger and harder than they really are . #he task seems overwhelming when we look at it in the big "icture. We(ll ask ourselves :who do we think we are thinking we can do that&; :$ can(t do that. #hat(s too much.; $f you want to achieve great things or even !ust achieve inner "eace sometimes you have to step out of your comfort 0one and try something totally new . ,t least you will have tried. You will not have to live with the regret that you%ll never know what you could have been if you(d been able to !ust take that one ste" forwards. ,lso you will learn so much by trying different things. @ven if you only end u" learning that you don(t like it you have learnt more about yourself and where you want to go in your life. You will have new knowledge with which to use as ste""ing stones for the future. Isually afterwards as well we reali<e :it wasn(t anywhere near as bad as we thought it would be.; You have also increased your self confidence in having another situation under your belt that you were able to handle successfully. :. Isolate Yourself and $goni0e 5ver #ecisions" 8ometimes when you are going through challenging times you tend to feel isolated like you are the only "erson in the world going through this decision. You feel you need outside reassurance that you%re doing the right thing . You(ll ask everyone for their o"inion so that you don%t have to take responsibility for making the decision . $ can tell you from "ersonal e3"erience that the absolute hardest "art of making a huge decision is during the time when $(m agoni<ing over it. $ will make myself sick with worry and wondering if it(s the :right; thing to do. $(ll be on the fence for such a long time sometimes deciding to make that big lea" of faith and other times telling myself to :be sensible; and to work with what $ have. $ slowly drive myself and everyone around me com"letely insane. 2ut the moment that $ finally take the ste" that makes my decision official $(ll suddenly feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. $(ll then feel 'uite liberated and e3cited about my choice. $t(s the agoni<ing "art that can sto" you in your tracks though. $t(s the hardest "art of making a big decision. $t(s much easier if you can make the decision and then move forwards as soon as you can. >. ?orget That You $lways !ave 5ptions" 8ometimes when you(re trying to make a big decision you think you only have one choice if you don(t want to acce"t the current situation. .or e3am"le you can stay in a !ob you hate or you can 'uit and be unem"loyed. ,nd if you(re like me you(ll add things like :unem"loyed and starving to death and $%ll never be able to find another !ob.; $(ll mentally "aint myself into a corner 6motivated by fear or uncertainty7 and feel there is no way out. $(ll feel like $ have to stay in the situation because there is no other o"tion. The truth is there is always another option . 8ometimes it can take a little brainstorming to come u" with a list of "ossible solutions but rarely are you truly ever without any choices. 4. ?ocus on the ='ternal World" ,nother "roblem "eo"le face when contem"lating change is that we tend to focus on e'ternal things to define our identity and worth 6what kind of !ob we do what kind of "ossessions we have how much we make7. We "ut an emotional weight on stuff like this. $f we don(t have the latest t.v. system we feel like a failure. We can(t take the risk of losing all our "ossessions. $t(s who we are. Peo"le always ask us =what do you do&=. When we answer our !ob is a huge "art of our identity. , much more im"ortant thing we should focus on is the value of all the relationships we have and how we can help others - it%s really a wonderful symbiotic relationshi". When you help someone 6and see their a""reciation or know that you are hel"ing them7 you feel good yourself - and it%s a more genuine feeling of contentment than buying the latest gadget. $t "rovides us with a much greater sense of self worth. ,lso being able to live the life you truly want if far more im"ortant than feeling tra""ed in a !ob you hate because you have to "ay the credit cards for all the stuff you(ve bought. $ think $ can also guarantee before we take our final slee" 6which $%m sure will be when we%re )B07 we will be thinking about the people that have touched our lives and not the corner office we had nor the car we drove. F. !andcuff Yourself to &tuff" ,long with focusing on the e3ternal world comes the fact that we cling to certain "ossessions statuses and "erks we(ve been given along the way as some sort of safety net. Peo"le will =handcuff= themselves to !obs they hate with thoughts like :$%ll stay until $ use u" all my vacation days= or =$(ll stay until $(ve got my "ension=. $t(s the :$(ll stay untilJ; mentality. #here%s a lot of "eo"le who won%t leave a !ob because of the "romises of holidays "ension and severance "ay. :$f $ leave $ won(t get - weeks of vacation anymore.; #hink about it. When you(re MB years old are you going to be ha""y that you wasted your life for a few weeks of vacation& ,lso it(s limiting thoughts like these that kee" us tra""ed in situations we don(t want to be in. #urn it around and if something like vacation really is im"ortant to you you can bring it u" in any interviews you

go to. ,t least you won(t be letting a crutch sto" you from facing the fear of change. $t(s far better to kee" the big "icture in mind of what do you really want out of life& You need to kee" moving towards that and not getting caught in the mental safety nets along the way. H" You #on't !ave To &ettle ?or Whatever !appens #he worst "art about being afraid of change is that you can end u" settling for whatever ha""ens. $t seems less scary that way. #he truth is that this is a far more frightening way to live because you don%t have the feeling of being in control of what happens to you and you live in fear of what might happen. Daving the confidence to take action in the face of fear not only "rovides you with a sense of control ultimately it will also "rovide you with a life full of "ur"ose and !oy. ,nd isn(t that really what we(re all trying to achieve& You will never Mike Murdock change your life until you change something you do daily.