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YOUNG FOLKS By Benjamin Anderson

The Pixies song "Debaser" PLAYS over the first few scenes. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DYLANS ROOM - MORNING The song plays from speakers on the dresser. DYLAN CAMDEN (20) lies on his bed smoking a joint. He wears a t-shirt which proudly displays the face of a pug. EXT/INT. GREGS TRUCK ON HIGHWAY - DAY "Debaser" BLASTS AT AN INSANE VOLUME from the stereo. GREG CAMDEN (18) is at the NATE sits in the passenger music. They thrash around. crimson as they scream the wheel. Hes clean-cut. His friend seat. They are deeply into the Each of their faces is a deep lyrics...

GREG/NATE GOT ME A MOVIE/ I WANT YOU TO KNOW/ SLICIN UP EYEBALLS/ I WANT YOU TO KNOW/ GIRLIE SO GROOVY/ I WANT YOU TO KNOW/ DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU/ BUT I AM UN CHIEN ANDALUSIA/ I AM UN CHIEN ANDALUSIA/ I AM UN CHIEN ANDALUSIA/ WANNA GROW/ UP TO BE/ BE A DEBASER. INT. ABC STORE - DAY The music lowers. It becomes the the background music of the store. A KINDLY ELDERLY WOMAN mans the counter. A handsome, middle-aged man approaches. Worn and tired. Five-oclock shadow. He carries a large paper bag filled with liquor bottles. This is LOWELL CAMDEN (45). LOWELL And how are you today, Rose? ROSE Im fantastic. LOWELL And hows the hip? ROSE Towing little Jason around hasnt helped, but you know.


LOWELL Yeah? Hes getting big on you? ROSE Hes 25-months! LOWELL Youre still counting in months? ROSE They grow up so fast. How old are your boys now? LOWELL (deadpan) Uh -- Greg is like 200. Counting in dog years, of course. And... INT. GREGS TRUCK ON THE HIGHWAY - DAY The music swells and the boys cant contain themselves. WERE AT FULL VOLUME. Things are getting a little nutty. Nate POUNDS THE ROOF. He air-guitars. Greg POUNDS ON THE STORAGE SPACE next to his cup-holders. He does his best to play air-drums without crashing the vehicle. GREG/NATE GOT ME A MOVIE/ HA HA HA HO/ SLICIN UP EYEBALLS/ HA HA HA HO/ GIRLIE SO GROOVY/ HA HA HA HO/ DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU/ BUT I AM UN CHIEN ANDALUSIA/ I AM UN CHIEN ANDALUSIA/ I AM UN CHIEN ANDALUSIA/ I AM UN CHIEN ANDALUSIA. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY A picturesque room. Straight out of "Good Housekeeping." KIM CAMDEN (44). Beautiful. Well-put together. Gives off strong vibes of Stepford-Wivery. She sets the table with extreme precision. She chews on a health bar. Music fades as we... FADE TO:


EXT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DUSK The building is a massive Spanish Colonial Revival. It rests beside a lake. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DINING ROOM The Camden family sits around a long table. They hold hands as Kim prays... KIM Amen. They begin to fill their plates. KIM So, Greg. When are we planning on shopping for school? GREG I dont know. I thought you could do it. KIM I dont know what you need. GREG I dont either. KIM So, were just going in blind? GREG Theyll mail us a syllabus in a few weeks. KIM What about college applications? GREG Thats not until November. KIM Thats the deadline. You can start before then. Kim realizes shes completely lost Gregs interest. KIM So, Dylan. What do you have planned for the school year?

4. DYLAN Uh, I think Im taking the semester off. KIM You took last semester off. DYLAN Technically, I was on bereavement leave. KIM What? For What? DYLAN I told the Dean you have leprosy. KIM Jesus, Dylan. A beat. DYLAN By the way, if he calls, you no longer have toes. Lowell laughs. KIM Is this funny? LOWELL I guess, a little. KIM Yeah, OK. What if he went around saying you have cancer? LOWELL I dont know. I guess I wouldnt mind. KIM You would. DYLAN (to Lowell) Whats your Make-A-Wish? LOWELL I want to spar Helen Hunt in the octagon. The boys laugh.


DYLAN She would win. LOWELL Im banking on it. KIM This is repulsive. DYLAN So, mom. Hows life as a trophy wife? KIM Dont be condescending, you little shit. DYLAN Im curious. KIM Youre being a little shit. Dylan smirks. Several awkward beats. DYLAN So, diddy. Hows work? LOWELL Im counting the days to retirement. DYLAN Why dont you just retire? LOWELL I have to pay for your bereavement leave. DYLAN Dont guilt me, pops. LOWELL You need guilt. DYLAN Why you have to do me dirty? KIM What the hell does that mean?


DYLAN Its slang. Its hood-rat. KIM This isnt the hood. Speak English. DYLAN It is English. No, its better than English. Its Ebonics. KIM What are you doing? DYLAN What? KIM You are a wealthy, white male. DYLAN What about it? KIM You look like Harry Potter, but you try to talk like Ice Cube. DYLAN This is hatred boiling up. KIM I just dont want a ghetto-person running around my house. Snorting coke and writing rap songs. DYLAN My rap-game is pretty solid. KIM What could you even rap about? DYLAN I rap about bitches... and hoes. (a beat) Mostly bitches. EXT. CAMDEN AUTO - DAY A central showroom surrounded by a parking lot full of every type of vehicle imaginable. A sign reads: "End of Summer Sale!"


Lowell smokes a cigarette. He wears a suit and a name-tag. He looks like hell. A CUSTOMER approaches him. CUSTOMER Hey. Im looking for a car for my daughter. LOWELL OK. CUSTOMER Could you show me your inventory? LOWELL I dont work here. CUSTOMER Youre wearing a name-tag. LOWELL Im a stray. CUSTOMER I want to talk to your manager. Lowell directs a shout toward the showroom. LOWELL Thomas! THOMAS (45) emerges. This is Lowells second-in-command. His whipping-boy. THOMAS Yeah? LOWELL This man needs you. CUSTOMER He is refusing to give me service. THOMAS Im sorry. I can show you around. CUSTOMER I want an apology. LOWELL Not today.


Lowell throws his cigarette on the ground and enters the building. INT. CAMDEN AUTO - LOWELLS OFFICE - LATER Lowell repeatedly BOUNCES A BALL against the wall. Thomas enters. THOMAS I dont mean to tell you how to run your business, but this is getting ridiculous. Lowell opens his desk drawer and takes out a bottle of Jameson. He pours two glasses each half-full. THOMAS Lowell, its the morning. Lowell uses Thomas glass to top-off his own. He takes a sip. He closes his eyes, relishing every drop. THOMAS We cant coast off the name of this place forever. This trend isnt sustainable. Lowell takes a long draw. LOWELL Im thinking about getting a boat. EXT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DAY Lowell tows a trailer holding a boat behind his truck. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM Lowell reclines in his chair. He sips his favorite brand of beer -- BUFFALO HEART. He watches a baseball game. Kim enters. KIM So, are you going to explain the 30-foot boat? LOWELL I bought a boat.


KIM Brand new? LOWELL A little bit. KIM How much? LOWELL Fifty-Thousand. KIM God fucking damn it, Lowell. LOWELL What? We have the money. KIM In our savings. It isnt a fucking rainy-day fund. LOWELL I wanted a boat. KIM I can see that. The question is: do you want your sons to go to college? Lowell thinks. LOWELL Home-school? KIM You are hamstringing our children over frivolous bullshit. LOWELL Im sorry. KIM If youre sorry, youll take the boat back. Lowell contemplates. LOWELL No.


KIM Fuck you, Lowell. INT. NATES HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT The room is lit by candles. Nate and Greg play basketball on a small hoop hanging from Nates door. August: Osage County plays on the TV. NATE We have to get bitches over here. You know what these little two-man rendezvouss look like to a third party? The jokes make themselves. GREG Were watching fuckin August: Osage County by candlelight. NATE Whats wrong with candlelight? GREG Its romantic. NATE That is a virtue. GREG In this context, its also gay as hell. NATE I cant believe youre talking like this. GREG Well, I didnt start the conversation. NATE Youre being demeaning. ANGLE ON: TV Violet lays down her "Im just truth tellin!" line. GREG (mimicking) Im just truth tellin!


NATE Stop. Violet continues a profanity-laden diatribe. GREG (channeling Violet) I got the mouth cancer! And maybe Tourettes! NATE It really wasnt that gay until you started quoting theater. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING Lowell sleeps on the couch. Greg enters wearing his backpack. Lowell wakes up. LOWELL (half-asleep) What are you doing up? GREG I have school. Greg leaves. LOWELL Too bad. EXT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - PARKING LOT - MORNING Greg pulls into his spot. He drives a newish pickup. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - HALLWAY Greg walks to class with Nate. NATE I dont know if this is frowned upon, but I watched Mean Girls, and Ill be damned if I didnt love it. GREG Tina Fey is a goddess. NATE It makes me think -- what other overtly feminine things have I (MORE)


NATE (contd) missed out on? I bet Michael Bubl puts on a hell-of-a-show. GREG I think thats the secret to leading a fulfilled life -disregard the random-ass gender roles. NATE I started using my sisters body-wash last Tuesday. And yes, I smell like Meredith Vieira, but I like it, and Ive gotten compliments. A couple of athletic types pass. They are -RHETT: A lanyard hangs from his pocket. Need I say more? Dickhead. BOBBY: Rhetts minion. Dickhead. RHETT ...And like -- it looked like a dick. Bobby laughs so hard he snorts. NATE So then I put down the shotgun and I approached the beast I had just slain -Rhett and Bobby walk out of earshot. NATE God damn it, I hate them. Always talking about dicks, dicks, dicks. GREG When did it become macho to love dicks? NATE Its like not just socially acceptable, now its expected. I seriously get judged for not talking about dicks.


GREG Weve been peer-pressured so badly that in our efforts to not talk about dicks, were exclusively talking about dicks. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - CLASSROOM The room is already mostly full. In each corner lies a different segment of the school population. Rhett sits with Bobby. The popular girls have the corner closest to the door. They are: ERICA -- The queen of the school. Beautiful and smart with a touch of bitchy. TONI -- Out of your league. HALEY -- Physically immaculate but no personality. The teacher enters. Hes young and handsome. This is ROB EVERETT. He sets his bag on the desk at the front of the room. Toni approaches him. TONI Hey, Mr. Everett. EVERETT Hey, Toni. TONI So, have you found someone to be your TA? EVERETT I havent. TONI Thats good, because I have PE fourth block and I dont need it. I was thinking maybe I would drop it and find someone to TA for. EVERETT Couldnt you just get early release?


TONI Thats against school policy since Im a student-athlete. EVERETT Is it? TONI Thats what I was told. EVERETT Well, I was just really thinking my TA should be a dude. TONI Oh. EVERETT Its just, a young male teacher hanging out with high school girls. It looks bad. TONI I understand. EVERETT And I know that you are not that type of girl, but there are always people talking. TONI I understand. EVERETT Maybe you could TA for Ms. Swales? TONI Yeah, maybe. EVERETT Dont take this as a statement on you. This has nothing to do with you personally. Toni forces a smile and returns to her seat. ANGLE ON: The popular girls. TONI I dont know what Im supposed to do. Im not even being subtle.


ERICA Maybe you should shoot for guys our age. TONI Id rather die. Greg passes them. He takes a seat in the back. ANGLE ON: Greg and Nate. NATE The things I would do to Toni Akerman. Shes fuckin flawless. GREG Yeah, yeah. Shes gorgeous. NATE I have had a crush on her since first grade. And shes just too nice to put me out of my misery. EVERETT Alright, alright. I know you havent seen each other in a while but we have to settle down. NATE Mr. Everett, youre too damn pretty to be a teacher. EVERETT Youre working on a write-up, buddy. NATE I do not apologize. Everyone in this room is objectifying you. EVERETT (to the class) Yall are seniors, right? The class confirms. EVERETT Alright great. Youre gonna get a taste of big-boy literature this year. Were starting with Oedipus Rex tomorrow.


RANDOM STUDENT Yes! NATE Incest! TONI What are we doing today? EVERETT Were taking a test that covers your summer reading. BOBBY Oh, dont be a dick. EVERETT Ill act like I didnt hear that. GREG What summer reading? EVERETT Hamlet, Gatsby, Wuthering Heights? GREG I didnt -- no. EVERETT Well, youre starting off on the wrong foot. GREG I cant start this class with a zero. RHETT Looks like little Geeky Gregors gonna flunk. INT. CAMDEN AUTO - LOWELLS OFFICE Lowell pours whiskey into a large paper cup. EXT. CAMDEN AUTO - DAY He loiters outside sipping from the cup. He watches a sale being closed across the street:


EXT. DENTON AUTO The OWNER OF THE RIVAL COMPANY shakes hands with the customer. He hands him the keys. EXT. CAMDEN AUTO He approaches Lowell. This is HUGH DENTON. DENTON I hear you guys are losing business. LOWELL Eat a dick, Denton. DENTON Hey, do you guys have any extra bills of sale? Cause were running low over here. LOWELL Nope. Just extra dicks to eat. DENTON Whats wrong? Low sales got you down? LOWELL Your presence has me down. DENTON So, my prosperity is causing you to hit the bottle? LOWELL My alcoholism is completely by choice. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - CLASSROOM The class acts out Oedipus Rex... EVERETT Say to what should I hold consent? GREG/NATE Respect a man whose probity and troth/ Are known to all and now confirmed by oath.


The BELL RINGS. The students file out. Greg passes Everetts desk. EVERETT Hey, bro. How do I know you? I know your face. GREG No idea. EVERETT Whats your name again? GREG Greg Camden. Everett thinks for a beat. EVERETT Camden Auto, right? You work there. GREG Nah. My dad owns it. EVERETT Thats right. Thats right. You favor your old man. GREG Thats what people say. EVERETT I like your father. He always seemed like the only car dealer who wouldnt steal my kidneys if he got the chance. GREG Yeah. Hes not into organ harvesting. EVERETT Glad to hear it. GREG Well, I have to get off to Ms. Swales room. EVERETT Wait a minute, Greg, we need to talk about your test.


GREG You graded them? EVERETT Theyre awful. GREG No one read. EVERETT I didnt when I was your age, either. Having said that, I still have to report the grades. GREG Yeah? So what did I make? EVERETT You were in the 90th percentile of the class. GREG Sweet. EVERETT You made a seven. GREG Shit. EVERETT Yeah, now Ill probably curve that up to a thirty or so, but thats still got you in the shit-house. GREG A thirty? EVERETT Yeah. Now, you do have options. GREG Yeah? EVERETT Im very busy this semester -- grad school, girlfriend. GREG What are you saying?


EVERETT Point is, I dont have time for everything, and I could use an assistant. GREG You want me to be your assistant? EVERETT I want you to come in here lunch periods. Hang-out, help me grade papers -- stuff like that. Really easy, and if you can help me out there, Ill bump your grade up to an "A." GREG Is this ethical? EVERETT Look, the county demanding a test be administered the first day of school isnt ethical, either. Im just trying to help out. Anyway, there will be a ton of cute girls in here during lunch. Ill introduce you, Ill talk you up -Im a hell of a wing-man. GREG Alright. Alright. EVERETT Youre the man. The two shake hands. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - MS. SWALES CLASSROOM MS. SWALES holds a model of a human skeleton. She teaches about the skeletal system. MS. SWALES ...below that youll find the coccyx... Greg writes on a piece of paper titled: "Revive William." He glances at Toni. Shes absorbed in the lesson. He writes a bit. He glances back up at Toni.


INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY Kim chats with her mother on the phone. KIM I hate it for the kids, but I dont think we can hold it together much longer. MOTHER (O.S.) Dont make a rash decision. KIM What do you suppose I should do? MOTHER (O.S.) Your father and I went on a couples retreat to save our marriage. KIM That stuff works? MOTHER (O.S.) It worked well enough that we had you. Kim is taken aback. INT/EXT. CAMDEN FAMILY SUV ON A BRIDGE - DAY Kim drives. Lowell holds a bag in the passengers seat. KIM I want you to take this seriously. I want you to give it a chance. LOWELL Im a serious person. Do I come off otherwise? KIM I know you. Youre going to mock everyone. LOWELL Please. KIM And by the way, its a dry-facility.


LOWELL As in? KIM No alcohol. Lowell unzips the bag to reveal a stash of booze. LOWELL What am I supposed to do with all this shit I just bought? KIM Pitch it. LOWELL You know what, Ive got the solution. Lowell CRACKS OPEN A BEER and takes a sip. KIM No! That is illegal! Lowell takes one more sip and puts the can in the cup-holder. LOWELL OK! How long until we get there? KIM Two hours. LOWELL A twelve-pack in two hours. Lowell does the mental-math. LOWELL Yeah, Ive done more impressive things. He slams the beer. KIM Jesus Christ! LOWELL What would you rather me do? KIM Throw it out!


LOWELL Litter? KIM Sure! Lowell throws the case into the water. LOWELL You hear that? KIM No. LOWELL Thats silence. Thats the sound that dead sea turtles make. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY Greg types on a laptop. Dylan enters and PEGS HIM with a Nerf ball. GREG Jesus, what? DYLAN Im having a party tonight. GREG Here? DYLAN No shit. GREG What do you want me to do? DYLAN I want you not to be a buzz-kill. GREG OK. DYLAN You cant tell mom. GREG I wouldnt have anyway.


DYLAN Alright, deal is, Im in charge of bitches and bud. Youre in charge of booze. GREG How am I supposed to get alcohol? DYLAN Figure it out, man. GREG Why am I getting alcohol for your party? DYLAN Im doing you a solid, man. Youre about to be in a sea of dimes because of me. GREG I can get girls without your help. DYLAN Really? Cause you havent yet. GREG Yeah, really. DYLAN If youre such a poon-magnet, how about you invite some high-school girls? GREG Maybe I will. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - CLASSROOM Erica, Toni, and Haley have lunch in their corner. Toni half-listens to the girls, but her attention is on something else... ANGLE ON: EVERETTS DESK Everett eats a salad. Greg grades a stack of papers.


GREG Alright, Rhetts test. On one hand, his work is pretty solid. Deserves probably a "B." On the other hand, hes a total cunt. EVERETT Fail him. I hate that kid. Greg writes: "45" on the paper in red ink. He circles it. EVERETT So, why arent you over there talking to the girls? GREG Uh, you know. Id make an ass of myself. EVERETT Come on, thats a shitty mindset to live with. GREG Well aware. EVERETT If you dont introduce yourself soon, Im doing it for you. It will be very awkward. GREG Please dont. Just give me time. EVERETT Two days. GREG Thats not enough. EVERETT Too much in my opinion. A beat. GREG I have a really big favor to ask. EVERETT Yeah?


GREG My brother is throwing a party tonight -EVERETT Oh shit. GREG Im in charge of the booze. EVERETT You want me to buy you alcohol? GREG Yes. EVERETT Do you know how quickly I would get fired for something like that? EXT. ABC STORE - DAY Greg stands by his truck. He looks nervous. Everett emerges from the store carting-out dozens of bottles of liquor. GREG Thank you so much, man. EVERETT Dont mention it. Greg loads his truck with booze. EVERETT Im serious. Ill get arrested if you do. GREG I wont! EVERETT Oh, and I did you another favor. GREG What? EVERETT I told the girls about your party.


GREG Tonis friends? EVERETT I couldnt help myself. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE THUG RAP PULSES. Hundreds of people fill the house. LIVING ROOM Dylan sits on the couch with Rhett and Bobby. They are surrounded by beautiful girls. Dylan takes a rip from a bong. EXT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DECK - BACKYARD Greg smokes a pipe. Hes alone. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - ENTRY WAY Erica, Toni, and Haley enter. Bobby and Rhett meet them at the door. RHETT Hello, ladies. BOBBY Need a drink? ERICA What are we talking here? Toni walks off, picking through the packed house. EXT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DECK - BACKYARD The song changes. The speakers blast A BLUESY SONG. Toni finds Greg. TONI Mind if I join you?


GREG Hey, Toni. TONI A partys going on inside, and youre just out hittin the crack-pipe. Not even sharing. GREG Its not crack. Greg offers Toni the pipe. TONI In that case, Im not interested. GREG Suit yourself. TONI Whats in the pipe, anyway? GREG Tobacco. TONI You know thats bad for you. Unlike crack. Greg laughs. GREG Yeah. TONI Whats the deal man? Just sitting outside all sullen and isolated. GREG I dont like parties. TONI Why did you host one? GREG It was my brothers idea. I went along with it. But then I remembered that Im antisocial. TONI Youre talking now.

29. GREG True. TONI Give me the crack pipe. Toni takes a draw. She coughs. TONI Thought about filtering this thing? GREG I like it raw! She takes another draw. TONI You know, truth is I dont really like parties either. GREG How come youre here? TONI Erica needed a driver. Knowing her, if I didnt come she would have driven home drunk. Probably killed a soccer mom. GREG What kind of soccer mom drives around at four A.M.? TONI The kind that moonlights as a stripper to pay for her kids cleats. GREG Thats a selfish kid. "Mom, go show your tits to strange men! I want new shoes!" Toni guffaws. TONI Its real life! Greg takes a drag. GREG I always thought you were cute as hell.


TONI So, you had to go there. GREG Im sorry. I made it weird. Toni laughs. TONI No, its cool. I get hit on pretty regularly. GREG How is that? I always hear girls complaining about guys "objectifying" them. Id love to be objectified. It sounds like a treat. TONI Yeah. GREG My theory is, if its some iron-jawed asshole with huge biceps doing the objectifying, its well-received. Its all about physical attraction, and thats where I see hypocrisy in girls. TONI I guess. GREG See, when its me objectifying you -- this creepy, quiet, little guy from school -- its weird. You hate it. TONI I didnt hate it. GREG It sounded like you did. TONI I didnt. Why do you think Im out here talking to you? GREG You said you dont like parties.


TONI I was trying to relate. GREG You were trying to impress me? Toni laughs. INT. NEW HORIZONS FAMILY COUNSELING - MEETING ROOM - DAY A half-dozen couples participate in a group counseling session. Kim and Lowell are among them. A THERAPIST leads the discussion. One couple talks through their problems... HUSBAND ...And I woke up naked, handcuffed to an alpaca. And right then I decided to never to do PCP on a week night ever again. His wife CRIES. Lowell stifles laughter. WIFE Were doing a lot better. THERAPIST Why did you feel the need to use PCP? HUSBAND Well, health problems. THERAPIST You were self-medicating? HUSBAND Yes. WIFE He was recently diagnosed with Shaken-Baby Syndrome. HUSBAND Retroactively, of course. Lowell lets out a BURST OF LAUGHTER.

32. INT. THERAPISTS OFFICE - DAY Lowell and Kim attend a private session. THERAPIST What would you say is the cause of your problems? KIM Id say communication. We lack communication. LOWELL Do we? KIM I mean, you went out and bought a boat last week without even mentioning it to me. LOWELL Thats a bad example. KIM How? LOWELL See, in that case its the opposite. I knew you so well that I didnt even need to ask. KIM I didnt want the boat. LOWELL I knew that. I wanted it anyway. THERAPIST So, it sounds like your problems might come from having different goals. KIM My goal is for our children to succeed. His goal is to get drunk on a boat. THERAPIST Is this true, Lowell? LOWELL I dont think theyre mutually exclusive.


THERAPIST That is an important point -- do your goals conflict? Sure, theyre going to differ, but do they diminish one another? LOWELL No. KIM Yes. THERAPIST Dually noted. Kim, whats one thing you like about Lowell? Kim considers the question. KIM He provides for the boys and myself very well. LOWELL Really? Your favorite thing about me is my money. KIM It came out wrong. LOWELL Look, Im not some shriveled up old man in an iron lung. You arent pulling one over on me. You arent a gold digger, even if thats what you aspire to be. Kim storms out. LOWELL Wheres the nearest liquor store? THERAPIST This is a dry-county. LOWELL Looks like Ive got a bit of driving to do.


INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - HALLWAY Toni digs a binder out of her locker. Greg approaches her. GREG Hey. TONI Hey, Greg. GREG Look, Everett wants to know if we wanted hang out at his place after school. TONI Oh, Im sorry. I would but Ive got -- theres a thing. GREG Oh, its alright. TONI Maybe some other time? GREG Ill just tell him we cant make it. INT. MS. SWALES CLASS ROOM Erica and Haley gossip in a corner. Nate sits a few seats behind them within earshot. ERICA Fuck Goebbels. Marry Hitler. Kill Goering. HALEY What the fuck? ERICA Dont ask weird questions if you dont want weird answers. Toni enters... TONI I found my in with Everett.


HALEY What? TONI Im hanging out with him today. ERICA How the hell? Nate listens in as the girls giggle at Tonis dastardly scheme. EXT. EVERETTS HOUSE - PORCH - DAY A moderately-sized plain ranch. Toni knocks on the door. After a few beats, the door opens. Everett stands at the doorway wearing a robe. EVERETT Oh, hey! I didnt think you were coming. TONI Oh, Im sorry. EVERETT Oh, no. Come on. Come in. Sit on the couch. Ill be right back. Toni enters. LIVING ROOM Toni sits on the couch. Everett runs out of the room. He comes back moments later wearing shorts and a t-shirt. KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM Everett stirs a pot. TONI What are you cooking? EVERETT Just a little meth. TONI Oh yeah? EVERETT Teachers salary, you know?


TONI I do. EVERETT Wheres Greg? TONI He couldnt come. EVERETT Why? TONI Uh -- hes grounded, I think. EVERETT For what? TONI Didnt say. EVERETT Too bad. You want something to drink? TONI Im fine. EVERETT Have you tried "Old Rasputin?" TONI Never heard of it. EVERETT Oh my God. Youre trying one right now. Everett grabs a beer out of the fridge and carries it to Toni. He sits beside her. She sips it. EVERETT You like it? TONI Im not a beer-person. She hands it back to Everett. He sips it. TONI Wheres your girlfriend?

37. EVERETT Portland. TONI Whats she doing in Portland? EVERETT Who knows? You smoke? Everett takes out a pack of cigarettes. He hands one to Toni. TONI I like smoking. (Everett lights her cigarette) I think its the coolest way of getting cancer. EVERETT I dont know. Fuckin everything gives you cancer. The sun, the water -- hell, half of the treatments for cancer give you cancer. Fuckin cellphones give you cancer. Michael Douglas got cancer just from being an unselfish lover. The pot BOILS OVER. EVERETT Shit, shit, shit! Everett turns off the stove and blows on the boiling water. He gets it under control. He strains the noodles. He stirs cheese in. He dishes the macaroni into two bowls. He carries one bowl to Toni. She takes a bite. EVERETT You like it? TONI Love it. EVERETT Thank you. Some times I mix bacon in. If my friends are really hungover -Toni leans into Everett. EVERETT What are you doing? She kisses him. He draws back.


TONI Im sorry. EVERETT What was that? TONI I thought youd like it. EVERETT Arent you with Greg? TONI No. EVERETT Are you leading him on? TONI I dont know. Everett walks into the kitchen and leans on the sink. EVERETT This can never happen. Me and you. It just cant. Alright? TONI I know. EVERETT Why cant you just give guys your own age a shot? TONI Theyre not mature. EVERETT Greg is. Hes a good guy. TONI I know. EVERETT Well, then why arent giving him a snowballs chance? TONI I dont know. EVERETT Give him a chance, Toni. Do that for me.


Toni gathers her things and heads for the door. EVERETT Hey, Toni. If you could keep this whole thing between us -TONI Sure. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - EVERETTS CLASSROOM Haley and Erica occupy their corner. HALEY Fuck Raphael. Marry Donatello. Kill Michelangelo. ERICA How can you kill the man who painted the Sistine Chapel? HALEY Oh, you meant the artists? ERICA Not the turtles. HALEY No. Gross. I dont fuck old men. ERICA You do fuck turtles? A beat. HALEY Ninja turtles. Toni joins them. ERICA Hey, sweetie. HALEY How did it go? TONI It was weird. Greg approaches Toni.

40. GREG Hey, uh, Toni. TONI Hey. GREG Um, Im going to Pisgah this Saturday. TONI Cool. GREG Yeah, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go too. Like hangout. Haley and Erica cant help but giggle at his awkward proposal. Greg turns to leave, red-faced and defeated. GREG Im sorry. TONI Greg. He turns to Toni. TONI Id like to go. Haley and Erica shoot Toni confused looks. GREG Oh, OK. Sweet. TONI Yeah. GREG OK. Well, Ill see you then. Greg leaves. HALEY What happened to you angling for Everetts dick? TONI Gregs a sweet guy. Im not going to blow him off.


ERICA You are a weird fucking person. EXT. TRAIL - DAY Greg and Toni hike along. On each side of the trail is dense forest. GREG My parents used to bring us up here on vacation. TONI What is this place? GREG Courthouse Falls. TONI I really like it. Its -- rustic. GREG You havent seen anything yet. EXT. COURTHOUSE FALLS - DAY A 50-foot waterfall. The surrounding area is mostly rocks covered in the greenest of vegetation. The falls rests in a secluded cove. No people or signs of people. Pristine nature. Greg sloshes into the pool of water. He submerges himself up to his chest. GREG Come on. TONI Is it cold? Toni dips her toe in. TONI Yes. Holy shit, yes. Greg laughs. GREG Just dive in. Youll get used to it.


TONI No. GREG Come on. TONI No. GREG Its no fun watching me enjoy the water. TONI Its no fun contracting hypothermia. Greg backstrokes towards the cascading water. We focus on him. Toni drifts out of shot. Greg relaxes. He closes his eyes. His is the face of tranquility. Toni leaps in from a rock. She displaces a great deal of water. The WATER SPLASHES Greg. His eyes open. He laughs. TONI Yep, I cant breathe so good. Toni treads water. GREG Youll warm up. Greg swims toward the base of the falls. Toni follows. They crawl behind the waterfall. BEHIND THE WATERFALL Greg sticks his arm through. Toni copies. SIDE-PATH Greg and Toni follow a path to the top of the falls. They cross a stream. Toni slips and falls to a knee. Greg grabs her hand. He holds it as they inch to the other side. They reach a ledge which overlooks the base of the waterfall. They walk out on it. They survey the area below. TONI Its beautiful. Greg jumps off the ledge. Toni screams.


He lands in the water with a great SPLASH. He floats on his back and smiles at Toni. He closes his eyes and returns to his trance of tranquility. He is jarred conscious by a SPLASH. Toni emerges, smiling. She pecks him on the cheek and walks out of the water. Greg watches with a mix of awe and attraction. INT. GREGS TRUCK ON THE ROAD - NIGHT Toni smokes a cigarette as Greg drives. TONI I feel like I didnt know you until like -- very recently. When did you start talking? GREG Uh, I havent really. TONI So, its just me youre talking to? GREG Do you feel special? TONI I dont get it. Youre like -funny. Why do you keep to yourself? GREG I dont know. TONI You should share you with the world. (half-joking) And you know, now that were dating -GREG Dating? TONI You took me on a family fucking vacation. Dating. GREG To be fair, I dont even like my family.


TONI That sucks. GREG One time when we were little, I stabbed my brother with a pitchfork. TONI Why? GREG No good reason. Cause he was there. TONI Thats some We Need to Talk About Kevin shit. GREG We were boys. It was horseplay. TONI Horses dont assault each other with deadly weapons. Greg chuckles. GREG I want you to listen to something. Greg presses a button on his stereo. "King of Carrot Flowers Pt. 1" plays. TONI (re: King of Carrot Flowers) What is that? GREG Neutral Milk Hotel. TONI What the hell is that? GREG Its an indie band. TONI I kinda like it. GREG Yeah?


TONI The lyrics are a little off-putting. GREG A lot of it deals with depression. TONI Where do you find music like this? GREG I dont know. TONI Burn me a copy. The truck pulls to the curb outside... TONIS HOUSE Greg ejects the CD and hands it to Toni. GREG You can have it. TONI Thanks. MONTAGE: INT. NEW HORIZONS FAMILY COUNSELING - SUITE - MORNING Kim walks through the suite, brushing her teeth. She finds Lowell passed-out on the couch. He clutches a bottle of Absolut. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - RAILROAD TRACKS - DAY Toni tip-toes on the tracks as if shes on the high-beam. Greg walks beside her, holding her hand to help maintain her balance. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY Kim and Lowell eat alone in silence.


EXT. DECREPIT LITTLE LEAGUE FIELD - DAY All grown over with grass and weeds. Only small patches of dirt remain. The four bases stick-out from the grass. Spent beer cans pepper the field. Toni tosses a beer can at Greg. Some beer splashes on him. He wipes it away, laughing INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY Lowell sits passively in his chair. Kim barks at him. EXT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DOCK - NIGHT Erica and Dylan smoke pot out of Gregs pipe. Greg and Toni untie the boat. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - STUDY - DAY Kim pours over divorce papers. She stuffs them into her purse. EXT. DOWNTOWN - DAY A small town. Law practices, drug stores, and barber shops. Greg and Toni cruise through. Tonis feet dangle out the window. EXT. BOAT ON THE LAKE - DAY A shirtless Lowell wears a beer-helmet. He presses the vessel for all its worth. EXT. ANTIQUE STORE - DAY Greg browses a section of records. Beside him rests a display of china. Toni sneaks up and grabs him. Startled, he nearly knocks over the china. She wraps him up and kisses his cheek. Greg returns the favor to her lips. He smiles and returns to the records.


Behind him, Toni herself cracks a smile. INT. CAMDEN AUTO - LOWELLS OFFICE Thomas speaks to Lowell, but Lowells mind is elsewhere. EXT. FIELD - NIGHT A bonfire rages. Greg sits on the bed of his truck, arm draped around Toni. Erica and Dylan stand by the fire. DYLAN Wanna see something? ERICA Please. Dylan grabs several cans of bug-spray out of the truck and tosses them in the fire. DYLAN Just wait. GREG Dylan, what did you throw in the fire? DYLAN Bug spray. Greg sprints over and pulls Erica and Dylan away from the fire. The cans of bug-spray EXPLODE VIOLENTLY in quick succession. END MONTAGE. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - KITCHEN - 3 AM Kim wears a robe and slippers. She runs a glass under the tap. Greg stumbles in, eyes red as a sunburn. KIM Where have you been?


GREG I was with Toni. KIM Whos he? Greg belly-laughs. GREG A woman. KIM (studying Gregs demeanor) Whats wrong with you? GREG I asked you first. KIM No, you didnt. Greg chuckles idiotically at her words. KIM Are you -Greg forces a high-five upon Kim. GREG Good game. He stumbles out of the room. Kim places her water on the counter, horrified by the behavior of her golden child. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - GREGS ROOM - NIGHT Toni, Greg and Nate play Guitar Hero. Nates phone RINGS. The ring-tone is Nessun Dorma. NATE Its Nana. Probably urgent. (answering) Yes, Nana? OK. Alright. Ill be right over. GREG Whats wrong?


NATE Shes seeing the ghost of Pauly Shore again. GREG Is he dead? TONI I dont think so. NATE Are you shitting me? GREG No. NATE Then whos walking around Nanas house? GREG Id probably go find that out. NATE Shit! Nate sprints out of the room. Greg laughs. TONI Jesus Christ, hes so weird. GREG I know. TONI Im serious. How do you tolerate him? GREG I love Nate. TONI I know you do. But hes just not -normal, I guess. GREG Who is "normal?" TONI The normal people.


GREG Oh, you mean like Rhett and Bobby? TONI Its just -- youre a really cool guy, and hes just kinda -- not. GREG Hes funny. TONI No. GREG He is. Hes got that goofy, charming thing going on. TONI He does not. GREG I think hes great. TONI There is nothing redeeming about him. GREG Thats not true. TONI Name one thing. GREG I just named two. TONI They were untrue. GREG Look, I cant make you like him. You cant make me not like him. TONI I dont mean to come off as superficial or snotty, but I cant be seen with Nate. It would throw off the whole social hierarchy of school. That sounded so bitchy -GREG No, no. I mean, I wish you felt differently, but theres nothing (MORE)


GREG (contd) saying my friends have to be yours. TONI I dont know if you realize what I getting at exactly. I want you to be around me a lot. Like at all times during school. GREG I know. TONI That means youre not going to be around him. GREG Yeah, but well still chill outside of school. TONI Good. I really dont want to mess up your friendship. GREG I know. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - HALLWAY Nate grabs a binder out of his locker. He closes the door. Greg stands beside him. NATE Whats up, man? GREG Hey. Uh, Toni and I were talking the other night. NATE Yeah? GREG Yeah, um, shes just really wanting more one-on-one time with me. NATE Uh-huh.


GREG Like, when you arent there. NATE I understand. GREG Like at all times during school. And weekends. And holidays. NATE Thats pretty much all the time we hang out. GREG Well still chill after school. NATE Youre ditching me, man. GREG No. Toni just wants some space every once in while. NATE Bro-Code. Bros before hoes. GREG I want both. A bro and a hoe. NATE Youre fucking ditching me for a girl who wouldnt talk to you three months ago. GREG Dude, its not personal. NATE I have stuck with you your whole life. Ive never cared if you were popular or if your face was attractive. I have stuck with you. And youre throwing that away because some hot girl picked you as the flavor-of-the-month? GREG Youre my best-friend, Nate. I dont want to ruin that.


NATE Why are you letting a girl come between us? GREG Shes not coming between us. NATE So, youre saying this was your idea? GREG No. NATE Then what? Why are you fucking casting me out? GREG Toni is worried about her reputation. NATE Oh my fucking God! Youre so concerned with protecting her fragile ego that youre just pushing me aside? GREG Im not pushing you aside. I still want to be friends. NATE Only in a way thats convenient for Toni. GREG Not true. NATE Shes not even into you. GREG Come on, Nate. NATE Shes using you to get to Everett. GREG I know youre upset, but this is beneath you, Nate.


NATE I heard her talking to her friends. Shes bad news, man. Rhett and Bobby approach them. RHETT Look, dude. Look. Its gay Nate. Its Gate! They CHUCKLE idiotically. A mob of students laugh with them. NATE Hello to you, handsome. RHETT Did you hear what that faggot called me? He called me "handsome." Fuckin fag. NATE It was a compliment. Take it. RHETT I bet you take it. Bobby is puzzled by the remark. No one laughs. Rhett recovers. RHETT (to the mob ) Penis -- in his ass. Thats what I meant. (to Nate) You get butt-fucked. Because youre gay. Bobby CHORTLES. NATE Thank you for spelling that out. RHETT I didnt do it for you. NATE This was a constructive chat. Maybe next time we can do more than chat. Rhett PUNCHES Nate. He CRASHES INTO THE LOCKER.


RHETT You calling me queer, you fuckin faggot -Greg charges Rhett. He grabs him and SLAMS HIS HEAD into the locker repeatedly. He PUNCHES Rhett several times. Blood pours from Rhetts nose. GREG Pick on fags your own size. Nate leaves without a word. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - PRINCIPALS OFFICE A placard on the desk reads: "Dr. Raymond Terrence Young." The walls are adorned with sports medals and pictures of gymnastics. A shelf holds a half-dozen trophies. Behind the desk sits the good doctor, RAY YOUNG. He reads the incident report. Greg sits in front him. RAY Did you really say that? "Pick on fags your own size." GREG Yes. RAY Typically, I dont condone violence. But thats bad-ass. Id high-five you if there werent a student-faculty six-inch rule. GREG Thank you. RAY Unfortunately, we do have a zero-tolerance policy towards fighting, and the best I can do is ten-days detention. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - KITCHEN Toni sits at the table, drawing on a legal pad. Greg crafts a sandwich. He pauses.


GREG You know what I forgot? The Cajun. I left the Cajun in my truck. How do I forget the Cajun? TONI Are we talking like an actual Cajun? GREG No. Were talking seasoning. (leaving the room) Though, I do also have James Carville ball-gagged in my truck. A few beats later, Kim enters, towing a few grocery bags. TONI Hey, I dont think weve met. Im Toni. KIM I thought so. Kim places down the bags and begins restocking the shelves. TONI Its nice to meet you. KIM He talks about you some. TONI Yeah? KIM Im surprised it took this long to put a name to a face. TONI (smiling) I guess hes ashamed of me. KIM Can I ask you a question? TONI Sure. KIM Where do you see this relationship going?


TONI Excuse me? KIM You and my son. What are you intentions? TONI Uh... I guess I havent thought about it. KIM Youre a very pretty girl, Toni. TONI Thank you. KIM Why did you pick my son? TONI Greg is a great guy. KIM Sure. Yeah. Yeah, he is. But you dont strike me as the type thats looking for a good guy. TONI Im sorry. I dont if Im following -KIM I was your age -- not too long ago. And being a good guy sure as hell wasnt a selling point to me back then. TONI I think youre misjudging me. KIM Yeah? TONI Yeah. KIM Look, I know youre not really interested in my boy.

58. TONI Thats not true. KIM Yeah, it is. I can see it all over you. Youre using him. For what purpose, I dont know. But heres the thing, hes not interest in you, either. You know what you mean to him? You mean drugs. You mean alcohol. And you probably mean sex. But thats it. Everything temporary. He doesnt really think youre smart or funny, he likes your hair. Greg enters, holding a can of Cajun seasoning. GREG (setting down the seasoning) James says "Hi." (a beat) So, what are you two talking about? KIM You know girls. Always gossiping. GREG Well, I hope not about me. INT. TONIS CAR ON THE ROAD - NIGHT Greg sits in the passenger seat. TONI I want you to hear something. Toni selects a song on her iPod. A Mumford and Sons song plays softly on the speakers. GREG (laughing) Mumford and Sons. TONI I thought youd like it. Greg sighs. GREG Its just -- they only have one song.


TONI What? GREG Every single one of their songs sounds the same. Its just some fucker whaling on a banjo and screaming. TONI How come they win Grammys? GREG The Grammys are a joke. Mumford and Sons is good music for people who like bad music. TONI You think I like bad music? GREG Not intentionally. TONI So, youre saying I listen to bad music because Im too stupid to understand good music. GREG No. TONI (Bohn Eye-Vuhr) Im sorry I dont listen to Bon Iver. GREG (correcting) Bon Iver. TONI Youre so God damned smug. GREG Im sorry that I offended you. TONI Take the high ground. GREG Theres no high ground.


TONI Youve taken it. GREG Were on the same level. TONI Then how come your opinion is fact and mine is dumb. GREG Its not my opinion. TONI So, just objectively I am fucking retarded? GREG Toni, I never said you were stupid. A beat. TONI Was she right? GREG Who? TONI Why do you want to be with me? GREG What? TONI Why? If you think Im so stupid, what do you like about me? GREG I dont think youre stupid and I havent over-thought it. TONI Youre like all the rest of the guys our age. Trying to collect trophies. GREG I dont know what youre talking about.

61. TONI Your mother warned me about this. I should have known. But you tricked me, Greg. GREG What did I do? TONI Youre a little boy. And I wish you would grow the fuck up. Toni pulls into her driveway. She takes out a pair of tickets and places them on the dash. Toni climbs out of the car. Greg grabs and examines the tickets. They read: "Mumford and Sons: Heart of Stone Tour." Greg gets out and follows Toni. EXT. TONIS HOUSE - FRONT STEPS - NIGHT Toni fumbles for her keys. GREG Wait, Toni. I want to go. TONI No, you dont. Toni unlocks the door. GREG Yes, I do. TONI Go home, Greg. And please, dont call. I dont want to talk. GREG Come on, Toni. TONI You lied to me. GREG How? TONI Everything you did was a lie. You made me believe you were different from all the other immature assholes. When really, youre just the same.


Toni enters her house and shuts the door. GREG This is ridiculous, Toni. Greg slides the tickets through the mail-slot. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - KITCHEN Kim prepares vegetables. Greg enters. GREG What did you say to Toni? KIM Excuse me? GREG She just lost her fuckin mind thanks to you. Now, what did you say? KIM It wasnt bad. GREG She took it pretty bad. KIM I told her youre not good for each other. GREG What the fuck? KIM Shes using you, Greg. GREG Oh, Im sure you think that. KIM Shes bad for you. GREG How? KIM Youre running around drinking, smoking dope --


GREG She isnt holding a gun to my head -KIM Shes influencing you. Thats ten times worse. She makes you think these are your decisions. GREG They are. KIM You are not your brother. And I wont stand by and let you become him. GREG Im eighteen fuckin years old. You have to let me start making decisions. You keep trying to control me, Im gonna turn into Norman Bates. KIM Is that a threat? GREG It is. Im going to kill you and wear your hair around the house. Greg storms out. KIM You dont mock me, boy. INT. CAMDEN AUTO - LOWELLS OFFICE - DAY Lowell spikes his coffee with Jameson. Thomas enters. THOMAS Guess how many cars weve sold this quarter? LOWELL Uh, seven? THOMAS Eighty-two.

64. LOWELL See, its better than we thought. THOMAS That fuckin sucks. Dentons sales are quadruple that. What do you think is causing this? LOWELL Uh, I dont know. Dentons probably just suckin a lotta dick. THOMAS Hes not the problem. His numbers are average. Our numbers are sagging. Any other guesses? Any at all? Lowell dumps in more Jameson. LOWELL Im stumped. THOMAS You think you might be the problem? LOWELL (faux shocked) Me? THOMAS You. LOWELL I cant see how. THOMAS I dont know. It just seems that people might not want to buy cars from a casual alcoholic. LOWELL I thought that too, and thats why I became a very serious alcoholic. THOMAS I mean, youre such a fuck-up. And I knew that before, but now that its affecting me -- now that youre fucking it up for me -- I find it unacceptable. Lowell takes a long gulp.


LOWELL I see your point. THOMAS I say that to say this -- I dont want to see you at work tomorrow. I dont want to see you at work the next day. I dont want to see you at work until you get your shit together and stop repelling customers. LOWELL Dont you think youre speaking out of turn? THOMAS Look, I was here before you when your daddy ran the show. And watching you come in and fuck it up the best you can, its disheartening. And Ive let a lot of shit slide in your time here, but Im stopping you before you totally demolish what greater men than you built. Lowell leaves. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY Lowell reclines on his chair. He drinks from his beer helmet. He watches Myth Busters. Kim enters. Her purse is slung around her shoulder. KIM Why arent you at work? You know what, dont answer that. LOWELL Gladly. Kim walks out the door. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - PRINCIPALS OFFICE Ray works on an email. Kim enters. Ray stands. KIM Hello.


RAY Hi, you are -KIM Greg Camdens mother. RAY Oh, yes. Our meeting! KIM Yeah. RAY Sit please. They sit. RAY Ill say first of all, your son is a great kid. KIM Thank you. RAY Good athlete. Dedicated student. KIM Is he getting some kind of award? RAY Unfortunately, no. This is technically a disciplinary meeting. KIM What did he do? RAY He punched another student. KIM Im sure he had a reason. My boys dont just haul-off on people arbitrarily. RAY He was protecting a friend of his. KIM Then why is he being punished?


RAY We have a zero-tolerance policy towards fighting here. KIM What does that have to do with my son? Do you have a zero-tolerance policy towards good-deeds? RAY Strictly speaking, he did engage in a fight. KIM He had a damn good reason. Im glad he sticks up for people. Thats how I raised him. RAY Youre missing the point. Under our zero-tolerance policy any single act of violence is punished. KIM I swear to God. RAY He has ten-days detention. I could have given him ten-days suspension. Im being very lenient in his case. KIM People like you are the problem. Weak people hiding behind rigid, misguided, bullshit rules handed down to them. And then you have the audacity to act like you have any kind of authority. No, the people who make the rules have the balls -- they have your balls. RAY Honestly, youre right. And for the next twenty years or so, I have to put up with their bullshit. But one day, Ill be in their place. KIM And youll just carry on the legacy of ineptitude. Kim storms off.


INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY Greg sips a glass of scotch. Lowell enters. LOWELL Hey, are you OK? GREG Im fine. LOWELL Usually, I wouldnt allow the liquor. You seem to need it, though. GREG Toni dumped me. With -- like -reverse psychology that made me feel guilty. Like I dumped her. LOWELL And you didnt do anything wrong? GREG She blew up over something -- it was nothing. It was stupid. LOWELL Well, I dont want to burst your bubble here, but I have probably seen this before. GREG What? LOWELL Sounds to me like she was hiding something. Shifting the blame off on you. GREG I dont know about that. A beat. LOWELL Look, Im not very good with stuff like this. But, I will say -- there are more fish in the -- fish... bowl.


GREG The sea. LOWELL That. GREG Thank you for trying. LOWELL Listen man, I know Im not a fountain of wisdom. But if you need to talk about anything, Im here. GREG OK. Lowell stands. LOWELL You can finish that glass of scotch, but Im going to take the bottle. Greg offers the glass. GREG Take it. It tastes like chemotherapy. Lowell retrieves a beer. LOWELL This is probably more your speed. Greg accepts the offering. INT. DETENTION ROOM - DAY Barren dry-erase boards line the walls of the small room. Empty desks fill the room. COACH BRADY sits at his desk. Greg enters. BRADY What got you sent? GREG I punched someone.


BRADY Who? GREG Rhett Bullock. BRADY Well, good for you. How long you in here? GREG Ten days. BRADY I like you, son. Sit where ever. Greg sits in the back. He takes out a binder and writes. A TEACHER enters. A STUDENT follows. BRADY Whats the matter? TEACHER He drew a Stalin mustache on my Weird Al poster. (to the student) He already had a mustache! It isnt right! BRADY That aint right, son. Ill take him off your hands. You dont worry. The teacher leaves. BRADY I wont endorse your activities, but Stalin was a prudent choice. STUDENT Most people would have gone with the Hitler stache. BRADY Its a cliche. STUDENT Exactly.


BRADY I like you, son. Sit where ever. The student takes the seat beside Greg. BRADY What are your names? GREG Greg Camden. Brady writes on a legal pad. BRADY And you? STUDENT Wally Townsend. Brady writes again. He stands and walks to the door. BRADY Alright, fellas. Im gonna go drink diet Dew and flirt with the lunch ladies. Behave yourselves. They seat in silence for a few beats. Greg focuses on the page. Wally glances over at him. WALLY You like writing? GREG It passes the time. WALLY What do you write? GREG This is a parody. WALLY No shit. I love parodies. You mind if I read what youve got so far? GREG Yeah, I kinda do. WALLY OK. Fine.


GREG Its just not finished yet. It wont make sense. WALLY You should come to Drama. GREG Im not an actor. WALLY Weve got all kinds of people in Drama -- actors, writers, directors. People who do the lights. People who build the sets, paint the backdrops. GREG Im just not really into the whole theater thing. WALLY Itll help your writing. Believe me. GREG Im just -- I dont think so. WALLY OK. Alright. If you change your mind, we meet every day lunch A. Were doing casting for CATS tomorrow. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - LUNCH ROOM Greg walks out holding a tray. HALLWAY He passes Everetts classroom. ANGLE ON: Classroom Everett grades papers. Toni and her friends sit in their corner. Greg spots them and walks by.


GYM He looks in the window. Nate plays basketball by himself. AUDITORIUM An ACTOR stands on stage. The drama teacher, a big, white, sassy bear of man, looks on. This is CAL. Wally sits beside him. CAL Now give me your best "meow." ACTOR Meeeeooow. CAL Awful. Get off my stage. You are the worst thing for theater since John Wilkes Booth. Next. WALLY There is no one else. Youve insulted them all. CAL There has to be someone. WALLY No. Greg enters. Cal locks eyes on him. CAL (to Greg) Do you sing? GREG What? CAL Do you sing? WALLY Hes a writer. CAL I dont care what hes labeled. (to Greg) Can you carry a tune, kid?


EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - SIDELINES - NIGHT Greg, Wally, and a few girls are dressed as cats. BLEACHERS Kim and Lowell sit together. The stands are packed. KIM I cant watch. If he screws up, Ill feel like dying. Kim hurries away. ON THE FIELD Rhett makes a tackle. BLEACHERS A man stands, clapping. He is clearly inebriated. This is Rhetts father -- DONALD BULLOCK. DONALD Thats my boy! The clock expires. Its half-time. DONALD Woo! Go Paaaantheeers! The football team shuffles off the field. The Cats take center. Donald laughs. CAL (O.S.) (over PA system) And now an exclusive preview of CATS -- as performed by The Emmanuel Lewis High School Rapscallions. A FEMALE CAT sings "Memory." DONALD What the -- boo! Get the fairies off the field! Boooooooo! LOWELL Why dont you shut up, Donald?


DONALD Theyre fairies. You used to beat the shit outta kids like that. LOWELL How about my son is out there? Donald guffaws. DONALD Lowell Camdens son does theater. No, worse. He does theater and dresses like a gay. LOWELL Yeah, well, it didnt stop him from beating your boys ass, did it? DONALD You fuckin watch it, Lowell. LOWELL What do you plan on doing? DONALD Ill bruise you up one-side and down the other. LOWELL Youre so full of shit. DONALD I mean it. LOWELL I know you mean it. Youre just too stupid to realize you cant do it. DONALD Look, I dont want to do this right here. Im liable to miss and hit a toddler. LOWELL Im planning on making a run to the concession stand when my boys done performing. Youre welcome to come. DONALD Ill put you in a coma, Lowell.


EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT Kim walks to her car. Ray pulls up in a gator. RAY Hello, Mrs. Camden. KIM Principal Young. RAY Call me Ray. KIM Ray. RAY We need to talk. KIM About my son? RAY No, no. You deserve an apology. Hop-on. Kim hops on. GATOR The vehicle is parked on the banks of a pond. RAY I used to be the cool teacher. I was in social studies. The kids loved me. KIM What happened? RAY I got a bunch of teachers awards. They promoted me. And now I work with adults. And they dont love me. I know you dont. KIM Youre just such a stickler. Such a conformist.


RAY And youre what, a revolutionary? KIM I like to think Im independent. RAY What makes you different? You drive a beautiful car. It looks like every other wealthy womans car in town. You have a healthy diet -that you read about in a magazine. Youre gorgeous. But youre gorgeous in the most accepted, conventional way. KIM Whats that supposed to mean? RAY You look like you take great care of yourself, but theres nothing risky about you. Youre so normal. KIM Is that wrong? RAY Nah. Im just saying, you kinda fit the physical description of a conformist. I mean, Jesus, Kim -can I call you Kim? KIM Sure. RAY I mean, you seem to be the picture of suburbia. And thats the most conformist segment of any society I know. KIM Society by nature is conformist. RAY Then why is it a problem when I conform? KIM Cause youre teaching our kids.


RAY Dont you want me to be a stable influence on them? KIM No! Theyre kids. Youre supposed to fill their stupid heads with pseudo-intellectual Marxist bullshit. Ya know, while theyre still young enough to dream. RAY You want me to raise your children to be communist? KIM I want you to give them at least a shot at being idealists. The world will fuck them up in time. RAY This seems personal. KIM Hell yes, it is. I was never given a chance to be impractical. I was raised a cynic. And you know what? Everything seems shittier for it. RAY But at least youre capable of looking at the world for what it is -KIM Dude, its depressing as shit. Theres a reason God invented booze and cocaine. Cause he realized he fucked up with everything else. Ray laughs. RAY I used to be your dream-man. Kim laughs. RAY I used to coach kids. KIM What sport?


RAY Gymnastics. KIM No shit. RAY Dont make fun. It takes tremendous athleticism. KIM I know. I was a gymnast. RAY Really? KIM Yeah, yeah. I was decent. All through school. RAY Thats awesome. KIM I wanted really badly to have a girl so I could, ya know, teach her gymnastics. But my husband thought two was enough. RAY You should have taught your boys. Kim laughs. KIM Oh, no. My husband would not have that. He almost divorced me when I "exposed" Greg to soccer. Ray laughs. RAY Gregs a really good kid. KIM He is, isnt he? RAY The guy he punched, he had it coming. Gregs a hero at school.


KIM I just dont see how you had the stomach to punish him. RAY I really didnt want to -They hear YELLING. RAY We have to go. Ray drives toward it. EXT. CONCESSION STAND - NIGHT Donald charges Lowell. Lowell side-steps. Donald runs into the stand. He bounces off. LOWELL Stop. Youre going to hurt yourself. Kim and Ray arrive. KIM Stop it Lowell. Hes drunk. LOWELL And Im not? Ray grabs a hose. He sprays the men. Donald charges Lowell again. This time he grabs Lowell by the waist and attempts to body-slam him. Lowell delivers several blows to Donalds face. Donald is bloodied. He breaks his hold and stays down. Lowell walks off. EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT Lowell walks to his car. Kim follows. Ray watches from a distance. KIM Im fuckin tired of this.


LOWELL What? KIM I want you to move out. LOWELL Of the house? KIM Yes. LOWELL You mean the one I bought? KIM Yes. LOWELL Its my house that I bought with my money. Im not moving out. KIM OK. Well, I am. LOWELL Fine. I wont stop you. Lowell drives away. Ray approaches Kim. RAY Well find you somewhere to stay. KIM I can get a hotel room. RAY You should stay with me. KIM Its OK. RAY You need to be around someone. INT. RAYS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Ray lays a sheet out on the couch. He places a pillow and blanket down. Kim stands beside him.


KIM Thank you. RAY Are you sure youre OK? Do you want to talk? KIM Im OK. RAY You sure? KIM Yeah -- yeah. RAY (re: door to his bedroom) Alright. Im going to bed, but if you need anything dont hesitate. Ill be behind door number one. Ray goes into his room. Kim lies on the freshly laid linens. She studies her reflection on blank TV screen. She looks at the door to Rays room. She sits up and slowly creeps toward the door, contemplating her actions with every step. She turns the knob. She enters and closes the door behind her. BED ROOM Kim stands at the door. RAY Hey. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - ENTRY WAY Greg enters. He looks out the window... DRIVEWAY Kim tosses a suitcase into her car. ENTRY WAY Lowell enters and stands beside Greg.


LOWELL Shes going to grandmas for a little while. GREG What for? A beat. LOWELL Tough to say. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - LIVING - NIGHT Lowell sits in the recliner. He watches TV. He is surrounded by spent beer cans. He sips one. He finishes it. He crushes the can and throws it on the ground. He reaches for another. Hes out. MASTER BEDROOM Lowell grabs the bottle of scotch out of the closet. Its empty. KITCHEN He searches the cupboards, the drawers, the china cabinet for alcohol. Nothing. He grabs his keys off the counter. EXT. ABC STORE - NIGHT Lowell parks on the curb. He approaches the store. Its closed. LOWELL God damn it! He grabs a rock and throws it at the glass door. A crack forms. Lowell examines the crack. He wraps his hand in a cloth and PUNCHES THE DOOR. It SHATTERS after several blows. Lowell cuts his hand. The darkness obscures the extent of the injury. Lowell reaches in and turns the knob. He grabs a case of beer and leaves.


INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - ENTRY WAY - NIGHT Lowell drops the case of beer. BATHROOM He flicks on the light. Blood is smeared all over his white shirt. He examines his wound. Its a nasty laceration, but hes too drunk to take it seriously. He wraps his hand in a towel. MASTER BEDROOM Lowell lies down on the bed. MORNING He wakes. A bloody pool has amassed around his hand. He unwraps the towel and discovers the wound. He winces at the severity. BATHROOM He pours rubbing alcohol on the wound. He wraps it in gauze. LIVING ROOM He enters with his newly and impressively wrapped hand. He finds the case of beer. KITCHEN He empties the cans into the drain. BATHROOM Lowell showers. He wraps himself in a towel. He walks over and wipes the condensation from the mirror. He takes a moment to admire his motley appearance. He grabs scissors and trims his beard. He shaves the remaining stubble with a razor. He combs his hair. He irons a pair of slacks.

85. MASTER BEDROOM Lowell puts the finishing touches on a Windsor knot. He is dressed neatly. INT. CAMDEN AUTO - SHOWROOM - DAY Thomas makes a sales pitch to a family. The family is comprised of the FATHER, MOTHER, and FOUR YOUNG BOYS. The mother is pregnant. THOMAS And its really great on gas. Gets about 25 miles to the gallon. FATHER Really? THOMAS (re: Mothers baby bump) It comfortably seats seven -- and I see thats about to be a necessity. The father and mother politely laugh. LOWELL (O.S.) Youre forgetting the warranty. Three years, 36,000 miles? Lowell observes the pitch at a safe distance. THOMAS Hes right. Thats the basic warranty. So, how are you feeling about it? MOTHER Its a very attractive machine. Thomas smiles. THOMAS That it is. Now, you guys talk it over. Make a decision. And if youre interested, give me a call. Thomas shakes hands with the father and mother. The family leaves. THOMAS (to Lowell) You dont look like shit.

86. LOWELL Thank you. THOMAS What happened? LOWELL I dont know. THOMAS Does this mean youre back? LOWELL I guess it does. Thomas considers his next move for a beat. THOMAS Youre on probation. The first time I catch you sippin Germ-X in the corner -LOWELL I get it. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - AUDITORIUM - DAY The Rapscallions partially fill the room. Greg, Wally, and Wallys friend SAM sit together. Cal stands on stage, addressing the room. CAL And that, my friends, is the beauty of Shakespearean wit. SAM I make a fart joke and you call me juvenile, Shakespeare makes a fart joke and its "wit." Thats bullshit. CAL Do you make them in iambic pentameter? SAM Really? You want me to write a sonnet about shredding ass? CAL Yes. Cals phone RINGS.


CAL (On the phone) Hello? ... What? ... The Andrew Lloyd Webber? ... God damn it! Cal throws his phone against the wall. It shatters. CAL Andrew Lloyd Webber filed a cease-and-desist against us. WALLY Why? CAL Cause hes a fuckin asshole! SAM What are we going to do? CAL I dont know. Anybody got a spare musical lying around? A GIRL raises her hand. CAL (re: girl) Meredith, you cant even sing. MEREDITH Yes I can. CAL You cant. MEREDITH I have a beautiful voice. CAL Your voice is the worst thing for music since John Hinckley Jr. MEREDITH Asshole! CAL Homophobe. MEREDITH Am not!


CAL You could have chosen any body-part to insult! You chose the gayest one! MEREDITH I meant youre an asshole who happens to be gay. CAL Leave now or I will write you up for hate speech. Meredith walks out. MEREDITH (O.S.) ASSHOLE! CAL NO TALENT! (to the remaining Rapscallions) If anyone asks, she called me the n-word. Cal collects himself. CAL So, does anyone have an idea? WALLY Greg is writing something. CAL (to Greg) Is this true, Greg? GREG Uh, yeah. CAL What is it? GREG Its kind of a parody of like crime-dramas. CAL Whats it about? STAGE - LATER


Greg and Wally and Sam act out the piece. They wear suits and point fake guns at one another. They are in a Mexican stand-off. WALLY Everyone just calm the "f" down! Were going to have an extended conversation about a trivial subject -SAM I oughta shoot -WALLY Hey! An extended conversation about a trivial subject which will form the basis for my monologue which will immediately precede gratuitous gun violence. The boys looks at Cal who sits with the rest of the Rapscallions. CAL Well, its not a musical. But it is snarky as hell. I like it. MONTAGE: INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - STUDY - DAY Lowell stuffs an envelope with several thousands dollars. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - AUDITORIUM - STAGE - DAY Greg points a prop gun at Wally. They are both dressed in 20s gangster clothing. Gregs face is red. He screams at Wally maniacally. He pulls the trigger several times. Squibs in Wallys chest burst -- blood seeps out. Wally crumples. Cal rushes in. CAL No, no, no! INT. TONIS BEDROOM Toni drops down and grabs a box from under her bed. Its filled with miscellaneous junk -- barbies, CDs, diaries, etc.


She comes across the CD Greg gave her. She places into a player. She leans back on her bed and listens. INT. RAYS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Ray and Kim kiss passionately... BEDROOM They push the door open and fall into bed. INT. CAMDEN AUTO - SHOWROOM - DAY Lowell hands the family from before the keys to their new vehicle. Smiles all around as Lowell shakes hands with the father. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - AUDITORIUM - STAGE - DAY Sam paints the backdrop. It reads: "REVIVE WILLIAM." EXT. STEAKHOUSE - NIGHT Kim and Ray have dinner. For the first time, we witness Kim enjoying herself. EXT. TOWNHOUSE - PORCH - DAY Lowell places down a package. It holds a bundle of toys and the envelope. It reads: "To Rose and Jason." He knocks on the door and leaves. A few moments later, Rose answers the door. She examines the package and smiles. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - AUDITORIUM - STAGE - DAY Greg each from They and Wally point prop guns at each other. They yell at other. They exchange a VOLLEY OF GUNFIRE. Blood bursts their chests -- significantly more blood than before. dramatically fall.

Cal shakes his head.


CAL No, no, no, no! AUDITORIUM ENTRANCE. Toni peers through the window, watching the rehearsal. INT. STORE - DAY Lowell places a dozen candles in a shopping cart. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - HALLWAY - DAY HUNDREDS OF STUDENTS pass through. Sam holds a stack of fliers. He hands one to a girl. She immediately throws it into the waste-bin. The hall is littered with discarded fliers. EXT. PATH - DUSK Ray and Kim saunter aimlessly. Ray reaches out for Kims hand. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - AUDITORIUM - STAGE Greg, Wally, and Sam all point prop guns at each other, each screaming unintelligibly. They pull their triggers wildly. Torrents of blood gush from each of their chests. They gloriously fall. They look at Cal. He claps. END MONTAGE. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - AUDITORIUM Opening night. Only a dozen or so parents and grandparents occupy the hundreds of seats. Neither Kim nor Lowell are present. STAGE The climax of the play: Greg, Wally, and Sam empty their pistols into each other. The Mexican-Standoff from hell.


The crowd has no idea what theyre seeing. They clap out of confusion. INT. CAFETERIA - DAY A cavernous, half-full room. The students are separated into their respective social groups. Haley and Erica sit in the center of the room, bordered by all those who wish to be them. Nate sits alone, working through a sandwich. Toni enters, towing a lunch-bag. She spots Nate, isolated in the corner. Haley and Erica beckon her. Toni walks toward the girls. CORNER Rhett approaches Nate. RHETT Hello, Nathan. Wheres your fuck-boy? Nate gives no response. Rhett grabs the sandwich out of Nates hand. RHETT You want to acknowledge me, asshole? A tray slaps down on the table. Rhett turns his head. Toni stands over the tray. RHETT Hey, Toni -TONI Leave him alone. RHETT Come on, Toni. You know --

93. TONI Get the fuck out of here. Rhett freezes up in embarrassment and disgust. He drops the sandwich and leaves. NATE Expecting a "thank you?" TONI I just thought you might want some company. NATE (gathering his things) That Im not looking for. Nate stands and starts to leave. TONI I told him I wanted you to stay friends. NATE That why you cracked the whip on him? A beat. Toni looks at the ground out of shame, not able to muster words. NATE You know -- Im not mad at you. Not at all. Thank God for you. I needed you. TONI OK. Fine. I deserve that. Toni starts to leave. NATE Im not being sarcastic. Am I coming off sarcastic? TONI Like a dick. Youre coming off like a dick. Nate laughs. NATE Im serious. Im thankful for you. Somebody had to bring out Gregs colors.


TONI Those werent his colors. NATE No, youre right. He doesnt have colors. He bears other peoples colors. Anybodys colors. Cause he thinks it makes him nice. Nate leaves. INT. DINER - DAY Lowell and Kim share a table. KIM You look good, Lowell. LOWELL Thank you. KIM How are the boys? LOWELL Gregs keeping busy. Broke it off with that little girl he was seeing. KIM Good for him. LOWELL You not like her? KIM She was bad for him. LOWELL Seemed nice enough to me. KIM Hows Dylan? LOWELL Dylan is -- Dylan. KIM I assumed.


LOWELL I miss you, Kimbo. KIM OK. LOWELL The house doesnt feel right without you. KIM You really think you can do this, Lowell? Snake your way back in. LOWELL What? KIM Youre not gonna sweet talk me. LOWELL Im being honest with you. KIM And I appreciate that, but really, what good is it gonna do? LOWELL Well, I guess none. KIM Look, this will be easier if we keep emotions out of it. LOWELL What are you talking about? Kim takes a long draw of water. KIM I want a divorce, Lowell. LOWELL You want a divorce? KIM Yes. LOWELL Well, God damn. Dropping that bomb in a fuckin diner. You are a classy woman.


KIM Lowell, please. LOWELL What? Should I be calm? KIM Be civil. LOWELL What does Joy Behar say to do in times like these? KIM Stop it. Be civil. LOWELL I gave it a hell of an effort. Lowell stands to leave. He throws a wad of cash onto the table. KIM Come on. LOWELL What? You want me to wait for the food? Kids in Africa, right? KIM I gave you every chance in the world. And you ran through all of them. And I cant let you bring me down any further. LOWELL You -- you are a fucking bitch. Lowell leaves. INT. LOWELL AND KIMS BEDROOM A semi-circle of unlit candles wraps around the bed. Lowell enters. He steps over the candles and sits on the bed. He surveys his work with a look of disappointment.


INT. RESTAURANT - BAR - NIGHT Thomas and Lowell sit at a high-top table. Several empty mugs with remnants of froth dot the surface. Lowell doesnt drink. LOWELL Why the fuck did you bring me to a bar? THOMAS Its a restaurant. LOWELL Its a bar at a restaurant. THOMAS Maybe Im testing your will. LOWELL Youre not Miyagi. THOMAS I am but a mortal. Lowell sips a coke. LOWELL You know whats so great about alcohol? THOMAS Gets you drunk? LOWELL Nope. THOMAS The taste? I dont know. LOWELL Without it, Im like a woman. I have emotions. Its gross. A grown man should not have emotions. THOMAS I dont know about that. LOWELL Thats the difference between men and women. Theyre so open about everything. Men can easily take (MORE)


LOWELL (contd) advantage of it. I mean, theyre not over taking advantage of us either, they just get fewer opportunities. Thats why we have dominion. THOMAS You sound like the grand wizard. LOWELL What is that? Like Dumbledore? THOMAS Its a leadership position in the KKK. LOWELL A leadership position? Like they organize the luncheons? Thomas laughs. THOMAS Forget it. LOWELL No. I want to know why you have an intimate knowledge of a racial-hate group. THOMAS Are you going to drive me home? LOWELL You trying to be my rebound? THOMAS No. LOWELL Cause at most the sex will be meaningless. ENTRANCE Kim and Ray enter. HIGH-TOP Thomas spots them.


THOMAS Shit. LOWELL No fucking way. THOMAS God damn it. LOWELL The fuckin Principal, man. Probably makes half of what I do. A little nerd who made school his career cuckolded me. THOMAS Lets get out of here. LOWELL No, man. I want to talk to them. THOMAS That is a shitty idea. LOWELL I dont take advice from racists. Thomas grabs Lowell. Lowell wriggles free. LOWELL Get off me. KIM AND RAYS TABLE Kim and Ray sit, waiting for a server. Ray spots Lowell. RAY Oh, fuck. Hes here. LOWELL (to Ray) Hello, we havent met. KIM Please leave us alone, Lowell. LOWELL The fuckin principal. Really, Kim? KIM Dont make a scene, Lowell.


LOWELL Im not the one currently advertising my adulterous lifestyle. KIM Thats right. Youre the one stumbling around because you cant function without a blood alcohol content high enough to kill a fucking Russian. LOWELL Please, continue deflecting. KIM Its not deflecting. Im telling you exactly why this was a logical decision. LOWELL I never would have done this to you. I didnt and I could have. KIM You had no reason. I was a great mother. I was a great wife. LOWELL Did you forget that you cheated on me with the God damn principal? Hes right there. RAY Lets go, Kim. Ray grabs Kims arm and they walk toward the door. LOWELL No. Were talking. Lowell pursues them. EXT. RESTAURANT PARKING LOT - NIGHT Ray and Kim walk toward the vehicle. Lowell follows them several paces behind. Thomas catches up to Lowell. He grabs his arm. THOMAS Lowell, come on. Let me drive you home.


Lowell shakes free again. LOWELL Im talking to my wife. Ray and Kim make it to the car. Ray gets in. Kim stands outside. THOMAS Stop it, man. Ray steps out. RAY Come on, Kim. LOWELL Fuck you, buddy. You think you have any right to come in and tell my wife to stop talking to me? Lowell charges Ray. Ray and Kim quickly jump into the car. Thomas grabs Lowell by the waist. Lowell wriggles free and pushes Thomas down. Ray and Kim drive off. Lowell sprints to his truck and pursues them. EXT. RAYS CAR ON OLD COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT Ray and Kim breathe heavily. RAY Hes fucking psychotic. KIM I know. RAY How could you marry that? EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - RAYS CAR/LOWELLS TRUCK Lowell catches up. He tailgates Ray. He HONKS the horn. Ray looks back.

102. RAY Fuck! Ray presses the gas. Lowell matches it. He enters the left lane and speeds side-by-side with Rays vehicle. He rolls down the window. He fixes his eyes on Ray. Kim screams. LOWELL I am better than you. I am richer. I am better looking. I am smarter. RAY Get off the road, you crazy fuck! LOWELL You have no right to tell me what to do. RAY Youre going to kill someone. LOWELL Yeah well, youre a fucking dickhead. KIM Slow down! RAY We can outrun him. Shit! Ray slams the brakes. Lowell turns his head. He is blinded by high-beams. He jerks the wheel. CUT TO BLACK. FADE IN: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - MORNING Lowell lay asleep on the bed. A bruise marks his forehead and a few deep scratches line his face. Thomas sits in the chair beside him. Lowells eyes crack open. He holds his head and moans.


LOWELL What the fuck happened? THOMAS You hit a tree. LOWELL In a car? THOMAS Youre lucky. LOWELL What? I could have been on a moped? THOMAS If you were driving a moped, I would have smothered you like Hilary fuckin Swank. LOWELL We do need to discuss a mercy-kill pact. THOMAS The smothering in no way would have been a mercy-kill. LOWELL No? THOMAS Completely spiteful kill. Based on your choice of vehicle. LOWELL Then how would you mercy-kill me? THOMAS A real one? LOWELL Im paralyzed. Neck down. Kill me. THOMAS I dont -- does death-by-chocolate -- is that viable? LOWELL Only on Chihuahuas.


THOMAS Alright. I dont -- Id do something fun. Like, maybe Id crush you with a blimp. LOWELL Where you gettin a fuckin blimp? THOMAS I dont know. LOWELL That was specific as shit. Have you thought of killing me before? THOMAS What? You want me to kill you with only a rough plan? LOWELL I dont want you sitting at home fantasizing about killing me. THOMAS I dont. LOWELL You mentioned death, crushing, a blimp. You add hot oil -- thats a fetish. THOMAS Its not a fetish. Lowell massages his temples. LOWELL Why does it feel like Buddhas sitting on my head? THOMAS You have a concussion. LOWELL Im feeling it. THOMAS Could be worse. The papers are saying youre in a coma. LOWELL Oh yeah?


THOMAS God bless em. LOWELL Should we set em straight? Or should we watch the circle-jerk implode? THOMAS Well, its your health, your decision. But I will say, this "coma" aint hurtin business. LOWELL We got the sympathy demo? THOMAS Everybody wants a car from the comatose king. Dentons taking a butt-fucking. LOWELL Usually, Id say we ought to clear the air. But Id also say that Denton deserves a good butt-fucking. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - HALLWAY - DAY The walls are adorned with pictures of Lowell bearing inspirational messages. They hang beside advertisements for the play. Greg enters. He is immediately enveloped in a MOB OF STUDENTS. MOB 1 Hey, Greg. I love your work. MOB 2 Your father is a great man. MOB 3 Is your play a metaphor for your fathers condition? Greg passes a STUDENT he has never seen before being interviewed by a REPORTER.


STUDENT Greg and I have a spiritual connection. Best friends? We havent exactly put a label on it, but if I had to, Id describe us as -- life companions. The reporter spots Greg. REPORTER Greg! Do you have a comment? Cal arrives and grabs Greg. He removes him from the crowd. CAL Give him space. Go to class. INT. CALS OFFICE - DAY Cal pulls Greg into the room. A few STUDENTS try to follow Greg in. Cal stops them. CAL No. Were having a private meeting. For theater. Cal closes the door. CAL I swear to God those posters were not my doing. GREG I believe you. CAL I got a call from the paper. They want to interview me. Are you OK with that? GREG Sure. CAL You shouldnt be. GREG I dont care. A beat. Cal studies Gregs face.


CAL Yes, you do. I can see it. GREG I dont. CAL Its OK, Greg. You should be angry. GREG Im fine. Im serious. CAL Are you not aware that you are surrounded by people who are trying to benefit from your situation. GREG Maybe theyre trying to help. CAL By lying about being your best friend? By whoring themselves out for fifteen minutes on TV? Its so clear what is happening. And the most disturbing thing to me is that youre OK with it. GREG Hes not even hurt. CAL What? GREG My dad is fine. Hes got a concussion. All that "coma" bullshit is just that. CAL Look, whatever your situation is, I wont take advantage of it. But there are a lot of people who will if you let them. GREG Cal, Im good. CAL Do you still want to do the show tonight? I understand if you back out.


GREG Of course I want to. Are we done here? Greg walks over to the door. CAL Greg, Im not trying to hurt you. GREG I know. I know. Im just not in some fragile mental state like youre implying. INT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT The house is packed. Standing room only. Shirts reading: "WE LOVE LOWELL" clothe many in the crowd. Several cameras from multiple local news stations pepper the room. Nate looks on from the back. He attempts to obscure himself with a hat. He succeeds only in looking creepy. The crowd is riveted by the play. They look on intently. STAGE Sam, Greg, and Wally perform the blood-drenched grand finale. SILENCE. A beat. MORE SILENCE. Another beat. The crowd ERUPTS. The entire cast fills the stage. They bow. Each member shakes hands with Greg. Eventually, Greg and Cal are the only two left. Cal shakes Gregs hand. Greg flees backstage. STAGE A MAN IN A BLACK SUIT emerges holding a microphone and a plaque. MAN IN BLACK On behalf of the New York City Theatrical Association, and in respect to his extraordinary skill and potential as a new artist, I (MORE)


MAN IN BLACK (contd) would like to extend the offer of the Nelson-Ridgemont Scholarship to Gregory Lowell Camden. The crowd CHEERS. BACK STAGE Greg and Cal stand. CAL You dont have to do this, kid. GREG I can do it. Greg straightens up and moves toward the stage. STAGE Greg emerges. The crowd ROARS. The man in black hands Greg the plaque and the microphone. GREG Ive been a writer for a long time. But this was my first play. A parody of Quentin Tarantinos body of work. As if Im good enough to lick the dirt off his shoes. The crowd laughs. Greg spots Nate in the back. He quickly exits. GREG Uh, contrary to popular belief, the play is not about my father. A beat. GREG Hes not in a coma. Hes just an asshole. The crowd falls silent in shock. Greg exits the stage.

110. EXT. EMMANUEL LEWIS HIGH - PARKING LOT Toni leans against Gregs truck, smoking a cigarette. Greg emerges from the building, holding a bag. TONI I thought you might want your CD back. She hands Greg the Neutral Milk Hotel disc. Greg opens the truck and tosses his bag onto the passenger seat. He tosses the disc on top of that. TONI I liked your show. Greg climbs into the truck. TONI You gonna talk to me? GREG Can I ask you something? I want you to be truthful. TONI OK. GREG What were we? TONI What? GREG Were we together? Were you serious about it? TONI I was serious. GREG Were there other guys? Was it just me? TONI I liked you, Greg. GREG Then why did you make damn sure it didnt work?


TONI Im not sure about a lot. GREG I heard some things. I chose to ignore em. And I burned some bridges because of it. And Id like to know exactly what that was all for. TONI What did you hear? GREG Were you trying to get to Everett through me? TONI Who told you that? GREG Whats the truth? TONI OK. Alright. I used you, Greg. I did. GREG What did I mean to you? TONI What did you mean to me? GREG Yeah. TONI Well, not a whole lot at first. First time I met you, I didnt see you as much more than a pawn. GREG (cranking the truck) Well, its comforting to know you saw me as something. TONI Im trying to be honest with you. GREG Its the least you could do.


TONI Do you want me to keep telling you the parts that are just gonna burn you? Or should I tell you why Im here right now? GREG I dont know. I suppose Everetts somewhere close. TONI Greg, I cant justify what I did in the past. It was shit. And as much as I want to, I cant take it back. GREG No, you cannot. TONI But Ive had some time to myself. And Ive done a lot of thinking. And I realized, as much as I ignored it, there was something between us. And it gnaws at me every day not having it. GREG Its not fair you saying these things. Greg cranks the truck and drives away. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - KITCHEN Greg opens the fridge and grabs a case of Buffalo Heart. GREGS ROOM He pounds a beer. EXT. UPTOWN - GREGS TRUCK - 1 AM Greg sits at a stoplight, visibly drunk. He holds a can of Buffalo Heart. He fumbles with the radio. The song changes to "Debaser."


EXT. NATES HOUSE - FRONT YARD A two-story upscale Victorian. Gregs truck is parked on the curb. Greg stands outside Nates window. He pelts the window with rocks. After several hits, Nate opens his window. NATE What the fuck are you doing? GREG Im trying to get your attention. NATE Youre supposed to use pebbles. Not hail. GREG Im sorry. NATE What do you want? GREG I want to say Im sorry about everything. NATE Thats nice. GREG I seriously fucked you over, man. NATE Yeah, you did. GREG You didnt deserve that. And I just really wish you could forgive me. NATE You abandoned me for someone you barely knew. Thats hard to forget. GREG I dont want you to forget. NATE Its the same thing for me.


GREG Can I come up to your room? Can we talk about this face-to-face? NATE I dont want to wake up my parents. GREG We have to talk. NATE Im sorry man. Greg wobbles to the truck. He opens the door. NATE Are you drunk? GREG No. NATE Youre drunk. GREG What can I do? I cant come in. I cant leave. NATE Wait. Nate steps away from the window. A few beats later the front door of the house opens. Nate steps out and approaches Greg. He moves Greg away from the truck and closes the door. GREG I missed you. NATE Come on. They enter the house. INT. NATES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM Nate guides Greg to the sofa. He fetches a blanket. GREG You have no idea. You were the only one who stuck with me. And I took it for granted.


NATE I know. Nate steps out of the room. KITCHEN Nate starts a batch of coffee. GREG (O.S.) Never again. I love you. NATE Im glad you had that epiphany. Nate returns to the... LIVING ROOM He grabs a pillow and hands it to Greg. GREG All I want is for you to forgive me. NATE You just dont realize. GREG What? NATE Everything you hate -- you become it. I dont know -- it happens to you. Probably, you let it happen. But then when it stings you, you take it out on the people who care for you. (a beat) I dont hate you, Greg. I pity you. MORNING Greg lay on the couch, blanket covering half of his body. He wakes. He has no idea where he is. He spots a picture on the mantle -- Nate posed with the members of his family. He checks his phone.


INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY Lowell and Kim sit at opposite ends of the table, each with papers in from of them. Between them sits an ARBITRATOR. He taps away at a laptop. Through the window, we see the boat perched atop a trailer, hitched to Lowells truck. ARBITRATOR As there is no prenuptial agreement on record, liquid assets will be divided equally between both parties. Kim and the arbitrator look at Lowell. LOWELL Fine. ARBITRATOR The house shall be sold and profits divided equally between both parties. Lowell nods. ARBITRATOR The boat shall also be sold and profits divided. LOWELL Now that -- I -- no. The boat is mine. ARBITRATOR Not legally, Mr. Camden. LOWELL Fuck legally. Thats my boat. She hates it. ARBITRATOR Its common property. Either it shall be sold and profits divided, or you will have to compensate Kim for her share. KIM No. No compensation. I want the boat to be sold.


LOWELL Fuck that. No fucking way. I refuse. ARBITRATOR If you choose not to accept the validity of this contract, your alternative is a court hearing. Which will cost you at least the market price of the boat. LOWELL Fuck that too. Its my fuckin boat. Did I mention her infidelity? Shes an infidel. Greg enters. GREG Whats going on? KIM Hey, Greg. GREG What is this? A long silence. It seems neither Kim nor Lowell wants to break the news... KIM Were dividing our property. GREG What? A beat. LOWELL Greg, were getting a divorce. GREG When were you going to tell me? KIM We thought you had a decent idea. ARBITRATOR Uh -- I dont mean to interrupt here. But youre paying me hourly. Lowell shoots the arbitrator a nasty look.


KIM Greg, can we talk about this after were done here? GREG Sure. ARBITRATOR OK. So, what about the boat? LOWELL Im not giving up the boat. ARBITRATOR OK. Fine. In that case, Im done here. The arbitrator gathers the files and returns them to his brief-case. ARBITRATOR You can file for a court appearance and hand the government an obscene amount of money. Thats fine. The arbitrator starts for his laptop... LOWELL Wait. ARBITRATOR Oh, do I matter now? LOWELL Why dont we deed the boat to Greg? let him decide what to do? Is that OK? ARBITRATOR Do you agree, Kim? KIM Sure. ARBITRATOR (typing into the contract) Well, congratulations, kid. Youre a boat owner. A shit-eating grin overtakes Lowells face.


LOWELL Yall are too easy. Hes gonna let me use it whenever I want. It might as well be mine. KIM No. Greg, I forbid that. You sell the boat. And put it toward college. Thats at least two years at a state school. LOWELL And I forbid that. As the person who bought the boat. Greg smiles but his eyes betray his deep frustration. KIM That has no bearings. As your mother, Greg, you sell that boat. Thats forty-grand. Thats a semester at a private college. LOWELL As your father, I say fuck that. You know whose boat it is. Greg cant stand the bullshit any longer. He leaves the room. Lowell and Kim are too caught up in their verbal sparring to notice Gregs absence. LOWELL What are you fighting this for, Kim? I gave you fifty-percent of everything I own. And you cant just let me keep the boat? You are a gold-digging whore. KIM I thought I was a gold-digging "infidel", you fuckin retard. LOWELL If youre so smart, how come you banged fuckin Rooney. KIM Hes more of a man than you could ever hope to be.


LOWELL Oh, really? KIM Really. LOWELL OK. You keep me posted on that. I want to be first to know when he catches Ferris. EXT. CAMDEN HOUSE Greg walks along the side of the house. He heads to the... BACKYARD He looks at the boat sitting high on the trailer. He walks to the... UTILITY CLOSET ...and opens the door. He grabs an axe. INT. CAMDEN HOUSE - DINING ROOM Kim and Lowell continue their bickering. The arbitrator tries to reason with them to no avail. Through the window, we see Greg clutching the axe with both hands. He deliberately approaches the boat. BACKYARD - BOAT He draws back with the axe and buries it into the side of the boat. DINING ROOM The argument pauses as Lowell receives a call. LOWELL Yep? ... Greg did what? ... Shit. (Lowell glances out the window) Shit! Lowell runs out of the room.

121. ANGLE ON: Backyard A large hole in the side of the boat. Greg now stands atop the boat, attacking the interior. KITCHEN Kim looks outside and follows Lowell out. BACKYARD Lowell sprints toward the axe-wielding Greg. Kim follows several yards behind. Lowell tries to scale the side of the boat. Gregs rabid assault on the Captains chair startles Lowell and he falls onto his back. Kim grabs a hose and sprays Greg. No effect. He continues his path of destruction, uninhibited. DINING ROOM Dylan stumbles in. He watches through the window as Greg rages against the boat. As Kim sprays him with the hose in vain. As Lowell sits on the bare ground, resigned to the fact that his most beloved possession is wrecked. A look of pride fills Dylans eyes. DYLAN Fuck yeah, brother. BACKYARD Greg drops the axe and hops down from the boat. He rips a bundle of flowers from the garden and starts for his truck. EXT. TONIS HOUSE Greg stands on the lawn. His truck rests behind him on the curb. He cuts down the path leading to the... FRONT STEPS


He raps his knuckles on the door. No response. He gives a few more knocks. Nothing. He slides the flowers through the mail slot and returns to his... TRUCK He drives off as... FRONT STEPS The door opens. Toni stands, holding the ghetto bouquet. She recognizes the fleeing truck. She smiles as we... FADE OUT. THE END.