Sean Page

ENGL363
Dr. Bruce
Spring

Writers Notebook Submission #1

01/27/14

WN: What are your preconceived notions about this class? What do you think you
can gain from it? What would you consider your current strength as a scientific
writer?
(1) My preconceived notions about this class are probably not the same as others. I
agree that I know how to write, but I am well aware that I could benefit from
understanding the techniques that are used in scientific writing. The preconception
that I have is that maybe it will be a bit boring; in regard to the course being very
structured approach to scientific writing development. I guess I assume the course
will feel a little slow, especially because it is 2 hr 45min
(2) I think I have a whole lot to gain. I think specifically I have the opportunity to gain
the ability to utilized my current strengths in written in a scientific format. My
written skills have been developed in the arts and humanities, as well as classical
literature based courses from high school (AP lit). I believe that this course will help
me understand how to use my writing style in a way that fits the context and format
of scientific writing style.
(3) My current strength as a scientific writer is that I can connect several points in a
powerful conclusion. However these points and even the conclusion itself is
somewhat in-direct and to flowery to make as large of an impression about the
scientific point of the research.

Audience:
Readers of the
Journal of
Internal
Medicine
Message:
Helicobacter may
play an
important role in
ulcers &
treatment
Communicator:
Researcher;
Expert
Context: novel
finding; journal
article
Purpose: getting
approved or
permission for
funding of this
kind of research



















UCLA: Guidelines for the Statement of Purpose: Please state your purpose in applying for graduate study.
Describe your scholarly and research area(s) of interest, experiences that contributed to your preparation in the
field, and your plans for your future occupation or profession. Briefly describe experiences that have prepared
you for advanced study or research, and provide any additional information that may aid the selection
committee in evaluating your preparation and aptitude for graduate study. You are encouraged to indicate
specific research interests and potential faculty mentors (http://www.psych.ucla.edu/graduate/prospective-
students/application-instructions)

02/03/14

WN: What do the two sample SoPs I posted on Titanium have in common? What
would you like to imitate or avoid in your own SoP?
I think that both of the sample SoPs have a solid focus in each individual paragraph.
It seems like each paragraph is used to emphasis a specific topic; by use of smooth
transitions the step from paragraph to paragraph seemed to flow well. Both of the
sample letters highlighted important and relevant academic courses, training,
research, and experience.
The second sample letter seemed to be less focused on information about their
personal development/life and focused more on hard scientific issues (with good
reason since the first was psychology and the second letter was chemistry). I liked
the style of transitions used in the first sample letter.
American Style of SoP- want to be upfront with goals and future career objective,
mention right in the beginning.
Utilize chronology it helps to make transition smoother.
Reverse Outline:
Number each paragraph- read each paragraph and briefly discuss its purpose: helps
to find, better ways to transition, find what order paragraphs should go in, separate
paragraph into solid topics, and so forth.
Audience:
Grad. Applicant
review board,
other relevant
faculty
members,
maybe some
grad. Students,
administrators.
Message: information- research experience,
research interests, future goals of research.
Argument- proficiency in the field, and level of
research that has been done, comprehensibility.
Reasons- similar to argument more generalized,
like natural skills and talents that have academic
relevance.
Communicator: Build authority by
(1) noting all research experience
as well as awards and honors in a
succinct way, (2) and note
specific plans for future
occupation (neuroscience
researcher). (3) eloquently
describe how these experiences
and such have prepared me for
this program. (4) Review
thoroughly for correctness and
appearance. Eloquence will be
accomplished through writing
style and careful revision of the
Context: 21
st

Century, U.S.,
Ph.D. granting
int., online app.
Purpose: to
persuade
Sample 1
1: Love Science- Need experience- for goals- SRE; stating purpose of participation in
a summer research program.
2: initial Research Experience- its affect & result; scientific development through
research
3: Next research experience: describing interests in research and experience
4: MARC- current research-; selling research experience
5: Restate purpose for grad school and science
6: Summarize
My Draft
1: Introduce research and educational goals and interests; purpose of applying to
program
2: Past and current research experience; chronologic description of research
experience
3: Statement of relevant course work and training; state relevant training and
course, name labs
CLAIM: argument, statement people could disagree (opinion)
Reason: sub- or supporting argument, often also opinion
Evidence: facts, experts references, experiment results, data
PRETEND CLAIM: You should give me a raise
REASON: (1) I got a new degree- Evidence: show the new degree/certificate (2) I
am a really hard worker- Evidence: examples or events that indicate or display this
claim to be true (3) most employers pay more for this job (4) I have taken on more
responsibilities (5) I have demonstrated consistent reliability.
Warrens Argument: Gastric microbiology has been sadly neglected. These
organism should be recognized and their significance investigated.
Reason 1: maybe my new methods allowed me to see something different than the
other people
Evidence: described the method and what he observed
Data: qualitative (descriptive, observations) and quantitative (numbers,
statistics)
CLAIM: little is yet known about these bacteria. We havent seen/recognized this
bacteria because
Background to show that people have misidentified the gastric bacteria hes
seen.

Clear Subjects Exercise
Make these sentences more effective by revising their subjects.

1. Members of the student body at Arizona State protested the proposed fee
increases.
Arizona State Students protested proposed fee increases.
2. The manufacturing of products made up of steel causes environmental damage.
Steel manufacturing causes environmental damage
3. The prioritization of decisions for policies of the student government are not
always shared by the administrators.

Administrators do no always view the priorities of decision making for policies
the same as the student government.

4. The cause of our schools failure at teaching basic skills is not understanding the
influence of cultural background on learning (twp.duke.edu).
Failure to teach basic skills in our schools is a result of not understanding the
influence of cultural background on learning.
5. Our more effective presentation of our study resulted in our success, despite an
earlier start by others (twp.duke.edu).
The effectiveness of our presentation, despite an earlier start by others, resulted in
our success.
02/10/14

WN: Question: Are you happy with the process, or are there practices/habits that
you would like to change?

I think that the biggest thing that I would change about the personal statement that I
wrote or the style that I used is the organization or flow. I think that overall the best
thing that I can do for myself it to pay extra attention during writing and reviewing
all of my documents to make a fine tuning of ideas. To actually feel comfortable
reorganizing sentences that I can switch and mix and match with the right central
topic in a paragraph or the right transition between paragraphs.

1. Studies in patients with reflux disease who test positive for H pylori show that
eradication of Hpylori either does not affect the subsequent clinical course of gastro
oesophageal reflux disease23 or may worsen it.
23

2. Direct citations were not used in this article. I think that this style of indirect citing
that is used in the hard sciences makes sense. I think that the benefit of being
extremely straightforward about the information is a good approach to scientific
writing. When direct is used it is to emphasis the work of someone specific.
3. The advantage of direct is to not important researchers, theories, concepts, and
methods in the research or literature. Indirect makes the flow and concentration of
the reader less compromised.
4. Indirect

Make, do, get, have. Do not use these words they counteract vigorous verbs
In your WN, summarize your article:
- Write a one paragraph summary of the article.
- Highlight the main argument in yellow
02/24/14

Writers Notebook:

Exercise for citations- we looked at a paragraph of an article with citations, citations
were taken out, and groups switched to input their citations.

Writers Notebook Submission #2

Writers Notebook (02/24/14):
Proposal Homework Assigned during Office meeting-

Homework, Booth p.255: Diagnosis and Revision (17.2.4)

Instructions:
Diagnosis-
- underline first 6-7 words
- perform test: (1) are the underlined subjects concrete characters or abstractions?
(2) do the verbs name specific, not general actions (e.g. have, make, do, be).
- If sentence fails either test, revise
Revision-
- find the characters you want to tell a story about
- what are those characters doing, if their actions are nouns, change them into verbs
- create the final clause with characters as subjects and actions as verbs

Paragraph Revision 1:
Our projects objective for the proposed period of the study, 1988-1990, is to
explore the effectiveness of a novel therapy in treating H. pylori associated gastric
and duodenal ulcers. Presently the pathology of these ulcers is not well understood,
especially in the context of the potential of microbial interactions that may induce
recurrent flare-ups. Recent studies have suggested the eradication of H. pylori may
have a critical role in the natural history of duodenal ulcer (2-6). Conventional
antiulcer treatments have been shown to only ameliorate the expression of these
ulcers during treatment and rapidly recur when ceased (1,2). The significant
reduction in the quality of life of patients with gastric and duodenal ulcers warrants
a necessity to identify effective treatment strategies to benefit this population.
Previous research on the topic does not utilize reliable methodology, having no
control groups for relative comparison nor any form of blinding, making it
necessary to explore the role H. pylori and potential treatments in the context of
valid methodological design (3, 4, 5).

Revised:
Recent studies suggest the eradication of H. pylori may have a critical role in the
natural history of duodenal ulcers.
Conventional antiulcer treatments show amelioration of ulcer expression only
during treatment.
Paragraph Revision 2:
To ensure the ethical conducts of scientific research this experimental
design, the Institutional Review Board at Veteran Affairs Medical Center will assess
its relevance, validity, and practicality, and begin when passed. Overall the primary
goal of the results of this study is to explore the benefit of eradication of H. pylori in
attenuating of gastric and duodenal ulcers over long-term periods. With recent
research documenting the role of H. pylori in the pathogenesis of these ulcers
warrants a need to identify effective and practical treatments through the conduct
of research, such as this, designed for biomedical applications. Conducting this type
of research is an important practice to cultivate increased awareness and
understanding of pathways that play a role in the pathogenesis of these ulcers, the
improved well being of individual and the resulting societal benefits of their
increase quality of life is the drive of our research. In addition the toll that recurrent
disease takes on the economic resource of the United States is a deficit that should
be avoided if possible; with supporting evidence showing a supported direction of
research continuing to search for better treatments is justified in the mentioned
multidimensional benefits of creating a reliable treatment for gastric and duodenal
ulcers. The last important goal of this research that has not been mentioned is the
support, progressive, and competitive advance of STEM literacy and competency in
the United States. The network between STEM research, the industry required for
the production of required materials and the federal as well as private health care
systems will overall increase the efficiency of research and the its application in a
real world context.
Revised:
Conducting this type of reach is a beneficial practice to cultivate increased
awareness of the pathways that play a role in the pathogenesis of these ulcers, the
improvement of individual well being of patients, and the resulting societal benefits
of their increased quality of life, which is the drive of our research
The last goal of this research that has not yet been described is the support,
progress, and competitive advance of STEM literacy and competency in the United
States
Writers Notebook (03/03/14):
In class assignment (20min):
Old Before New Principle Practice
Revise the following groups of sentences so that their ideas flow more logically and
smoothly. You may need to use both active and passive verb constructions to achieve a
smooth flow.

1. Modified from http://www.urch.com/forums/ielts/124158-ielts-writing-exercise-
coherence-cohesion.html
The salary of a woman in her lifetime is generally much less than that of a man.
Nevertheless, a womans salary can greatly increase a family income. One result of
adding to the family income is an improved quality of life. A stable salary for the
family reduces the pressure on a husband and the things that can be bought by the
family will increase. So the family can have enough money to buy more luxuries such as
foreign travel and a family car.

2. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/14/opinion/bittman-a-valentine-for-restaurant-
workers.html?hp&rref=opinion&_r=0 (modified from Bittman)
There is long-overdue support for raising the minimum wage. But among generally
mistreated minimum wage workers theres a subgroup of those whose wage experience is
even more miserable and unfair.
Many restaurant servers earn the minimum wage, and the subgroup I speak of is tipped
workers. There is a minimum wage for tipped workers, called by those who know the
tipped minimum wage. An informal survey on my part would indicate that many well-
educated professionals, even high-ranking city officials, dont know about the tipped
minimum wage; thats excusable, since almost no one talks about it. In any case, few
who already know about the tipped minimum wage could guess how low it can go. Try.
Are you ready?
$2.13.
Highlighted sentence was reversed (subject).
3. http://dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/14/global-warming-winter-weather-
and-the-olympics-five-leading-climate-scientists-weigh-in/?module=BlogPost-
ReadMore&version=Blog%20Main&action=Click&contentCollection=Weather&
pgtype=Blogs&region=Body#more-51701 (modified from Andrew Rivkin).
Main point of exercise old before new; the scheme should be A then B. B then C.
C then D.
Theres a noteworthy letter in todays edition of the journal Science, titled Global
Warming and This Winters Cold Weather, that aims to cut through the flood of
overwrought assertions about recent Northern Hemisphere winter weather in the
context of global warming. The letter was written by John M. Wallace at the
University of Washington, Isaac M. Held at the Geophysical Fluid Dynamics
Laboratory, David W. J. Thompson at Colorado State University, Kevin E. Trenberth
at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, and John E. Walsh at the
University of Alaska, Fairbanks--all of whom have long been reliable guides to a
complicated and consequential body of science.
In class assignment (35min):
WN: Analyze Burkholder s or Reynolds proposals rationale for their proposed
methodologies (7.7 on 188)
-What kinds of decisions have they chosen to explain? Why do these issues warrant
further explanation? What roll do citations play in these explanations?
The decisions have they have chosen to make are directly related to the
mission and values of the grantors. They focus heavily on the fact that this is an
issue that may not only affect one species of fish but several, not just one single
ecosystem but a wide range of water-based ecologies may be at risk. They also
choose to explain that this fish death may be related to a certain type of bacterium in
the fishs environment. It is noted that current methods are not sufficient in
combating the negative interactions between this bacterium and the ecological
environment that it has adapted too. They discuss that fish in this environment
show excretion from cyst that have been formed by the accumulation of a certain
vegetative photosynthetic bacteria. These issues warrant further explanation
because of the large implications that this fish death may cause and the
inefficiencies of current methodologies. Citations seemed to play little role, except
when citations were made directly in the text.
In class assignment (20min):
Brainstorm rationale points-to-make with your team.
Why should the NSF fund your teams research? Why is your teams method the
best method? Begin drafting a rationale for your proposal.
Points-to-Make List:
The interpretations of the results of previous studies have been complicated by the
fact that several of the larger studies did not use control groups or any form of
blinding. (MAKE MORE POINTS)
WN: Reflect on 1-2 comments I made on your statement of purpose (from the
blue comments or the rubric). In what way can you respond to this comment
when writing your proposal?
1. Comment: Use our effective sentence strategies to tighten throughout. For example,
the first sentence of this P can be, After receiving my bachelors degrees, I intend to
acquire a neuropsychology Ph.D. with a biomedical emphasis. (22 words become
16 words). Your first step is to find your real verb, which here should be to
acquire rather than is to. Once you recognize your real verb, the sentence usually
improves immensely. Try it throughout your document- I wont mark this again- you
try to find them.
- I can respond to this issue while writing my proposal by staying
extremely focused on the verb of the sentence. I seem to have a tendency
to create a noisy structure for the actions of the sentence, and rather I
will work to condense all subject matter to make the point that should
be made, the most obvious and clear concept within the idea being
presented. I also will use some of the revising strategies that have been
offer by Booth (p. 255) to organize verbs, nouns, and actions in an effect
way.
(Only responded to one issue because it is recurring, my other issue seems to be
grammar and thats somewhat of a personal thing I gotta work out [satirical
inflection])
In class assignment (15 min):
Analyze the Chambers and Hurtt abstract on 378-380. What is each P here doing?
Reverse outline:
Paragraph 1- function of this paragraph is to introduce the goals of this project, their
relevance (slightly).
Paragraph 2- Notes the activities that are been done to help control damage to
states in the south eastern region, and the priority assigned (based on level of
impact), and rationale.
Paragraph 3- State the overall hypothesis
Paragraph 4- The methods
Paragraph 6- Expected results/outcomes
For our own Abstract:
Considering these functions you found in the model abstract, draft a points-to-make
list for the abstract youll have to write for your proposal: what must you include to
address your audiences needs? Remember, though, that you wont have as much
space as Chambers and Hurtt (see prompt for details).
Points-to-make list:
- The methodology of previous research has comprised our clarity of
results, warranting the need for further research.
- The experimental procedures are designed to explore the potential
therapies that make benefit those with ulcers, targeting H. pylori
bacterium.
- These procedures have been acquired from methods of previous studies,
and integrated into this new theoretical framework, which may have
large implications for these therapies.
- The importance of understanding the pathways that induce ulcers is
critical to increase collective economic productivity and quality of life
Review major points of Booth Ch. 15 (on figures and tables):
Booth: Use the figures that are most common in the field of research
that your study is associated with. Also refer to pages 230 and 231 for
a list of the functions of different types of figures.
Begin creating the tables or figures you want to include in your proposal.
Dont forget titles or captions. If you arent using any graphics, begin drafting
your abstract.
A lifetime of recurrent ulcers is characteristic of Peptic ulcer disease. Treatments for
this disease can attenuate present ulcers, but does not affect the natural history of
the disease. Recent studies have suggested a novel theory, that Helicobacter pylori
(H. pylori), may play a role in the pathogenesis of this disease. To explore this claim
controlled experimentation with patients showing ulcers will be administered via
two randomly assigned treatments, either ranitidine alone or triple therapy. Triple
therapy is a novel treatment including two antimicrobial agents, tetracycline
hydrochloride (500mg four times, daily) and metronidazole (250 three times, daily)
as well as bismuth (151mg per tablet) subsalicylate. Results comparing these
treatments may confirm the findings of previous research, that patients in whom H.
pylori infection was eradicated remained asymptomatic and ulcer free. However this
huge burst of antibiotics itself is a deficit, and the exploration of simpler and less
evasive treatments should be warranted.
Writers Notebook (03/10/14):
Clear writing is built around actors performing actions,
so that readers can see a picture. Do it the other way
only if you want to be indirect and abstract.
--Joseph Kimble
In class exercise: Eliminating Unnecessary Prepositions and Other Clunky
Sentence Structures
1. She met up with the new coach of basketball in the hallway of University Hall.

2. The book on Middle-Eastern history fell with a loud sound off of the desk in the
professors office.

3. He threw the computer, which was broken, out of the window with great force.

4. She wouldn't let the cat, who was a tabby, inside of the house.

And here are three more complicated sentences from Markel.

5. Another advantage of the approach used by the Alpha team is that interfaces of
different kinds can be combined.

6. The complexity of the module will hamper the ability of the operator in the
diagnosis of problems in equipment configuration.

7. The purpose of this test of your aptitudes is to help you with the question of the
decision of which major to enroll in.

-Use Google Scholar to find citation numbers for articles related to your topic.
-Brainstorm with peers to complete a work schedule with detailed
milestones/deadlines (see template on Titanium). Begin searching for
and reading first report(s).
WN: Post write: What do you believe youve done well in the proposal thus far?
What would you like advice about from your peers regarding your proposal?
I believe that I have done fairly well. I think that the strategies that we have learned
have collectively increased my ability to be concise and direct. I have tried hard to
stay focused on that issue, because it has been a problem so consistent in the past.
The primary advice that was offered was less in regard to the subject matter or the
writing style itself and was focused on the formatting and organization of the
structure [the standard structure of a proposal, which was not done properly]
(which was nice to hear for a change). The person who review my proposal noted
they felt it was well written and included all the points we needed to hit is a clear
way. The formatting changes, making distinct sections and headings, working on
the title page information and style, was the focal point for them.
WN: Revise 2-3 sentences from your statement of purpose using the effective
sentence strategies weve practiced thus far (real subjects, vigorous
verbs, old information first, fewer prepositions)
Our projects objective for the proposed period of the study, 1988-1990, is
to explore the effectiveness of a novel therapy in treating H. pylori
associated gastric and duodenal ulcers.
Presently, the pathology of these ulcers is not well understood, especially
in the context of the potential of microbial interactions that may induce
recurrent flare-ups.
Recent studies have suggested the eradication of H. pylori may have a
critical role in the natural history of duodenal ulcer (2-6).
Sentence 1: Revision- Our objective for this project, 1988-1990, is to explore a novel
therapys effectiveness in treating H. pylori associated gastric and duodenal ulcers. ------
- Switching the order of the objective and project makes a clear subject, eliminating for
the proposed period condenses the sentence and eliminates a preposition (since it is
implied), changing the to therapys effectiveness also eliminates two prepositions.
Sentence 2: Revision- Presently, gastric and duodenal ulcers pathologies are not well
understood. Specifically, our understanding of the microbial interactions that may induce
recurrent flare-ups is limited. ----- Using that same tactic, changing the subject to
pathologies eliminates a preposition, breaking the sentence apart into two sentences also
eliminates a preposition. Overall the changes seem to communicate much more detailed
information while having a minimal increase in words.
Sentence 3: Revision- H. pyloris eradication has been suggested by recent studies to be
implicated with duodenal ulcers natural history. Changing the context of the subject
eliminated two prepositions, the statement now however seems almost to simply- makes
me feel like something is wrong- but I cant find an issue, it just seems better.
Writer Notebook (03/17/14):
WN: Consider (and research) the audience of your chosen the journal. How will
that audiences characteristics and values shape your review articles content, style,
and/or structure?

Brain, behavior, and immunity.
Publication: San Diego : Academic Press, 1987-
Document: English : Serial Publication : Periodical : Bimonthly (every 2 months)
Internet Resource
Libraries Worldwide: 251
More Like This: Advanced options ...
See more details for locating this item

AUDIENCE
.
Neuroscientists, Immunologists, Endocrinologists, Physiologists, Psychiatrists,
Rheumatologists, Clinicians

Methods--- is important to focus because they may not translate
This innovative journal publishes peer-reviewed basic, experimental, and
clinical studies dealing with behavioral, neural, endocrine, and immune system
interactions in
humans and animals.
Compare the guidelines for review articles described in three journals important to
your field. Choose one of these to follow for your own review. Submit these (or a
link to them) with your final article.
--- Going to use the guidelines provided by the Journal of Brain Behavior and
Immunity.
Analyze the functions of citations using the research report you read as HW. See
WIS page 132, exercise 5.1 for details.
Brain Behavior and Immunity- 20 years of T-cells
The function of citations if this review were simply to define each concept.
Writers Notebook (03/24/14):
WN: Summarize your first chosen article. Include at least one sentence
summarizing your articles:
1. Context (see introduction section).
2. Methodology
3. Results
4. Implications (see discussion section).

Context: Major depression is strongly associated with an increase in pro-
inflammatory cytokines, specifically TNF-a and IL-6, suggestion that depression is
accompanied by immune dysregulation.
Methodology: A meta-analysis of 136 studies was conducted using detailed
statistical analyses to calculate correlational relationships between depression and
pro-inflammatory cytokines, TNF-a, IL-6, IL-2, IFN-y, and IL-12 (as well as other
relevant proteins studied).
Results: Results indicate significant increases in pro-inflammatory cytokines; each
with differential strengths in correlation, however each is within the statistical
significant range across all studies analyzed.
Implications: The potential methodological differences across studies creates issues
for the reliability of the statistical strength noted for many of these protein, however
increased production IL-6 and TNF-a have been confirmed to have an association
with Major Depression.
WN: Using the three reports your group has read, begin preparing a review article
comparison grid (see WIS Ch. 5, ex. 2, pg. 148 and pgs 138-9 for grid ideas)







Writers Notebook Submission #3


April 7
th
, 2014:

WN: What did reading Rublee et. al.s review article (it was HW) add to your
understanding of how reviews are written? What technique might you borrow for
your own review article?

[Referencing a Review Article from my topic, in place of Rublee. Review Article
about Depression and Cytokines]

The review article increased my awareness of how to present information in that
large of a scope in a fashion that is logical, organized, and comprehensive. Overall it
gave a model for me to use while writing my review project paper. While reading
the review article that I choose to use in this project, I did my best to make an idea
outline of how this article approaching the topic, rather than actual information I
focused on the structure of the paper.

Wordiness Practice 1


1. Make this paragraph more concise and effective.

Look for and correct redundancies, eliminate unnecessary prepositional phrases,
change passive to active constructions, combine sentences where effective, and
make sentence constructions parallel.


When deciding what kind of computer to buy, you need to take your
uses for the computer into account before buying. You also need to consider
your
budget. There are some people who only use computers to do word processing,
to make presentations, and charting data with spreadsheets. Computers are
used by some other people for a wide variety of uses for their everyday lives.
Computer games use a lot of memory, so if you want to play games on the
computer, you should buy one which has a lot of RAM. A good way to begin
computer shopping is to start by listing your uses for the computer. The next
steps would be to research how much RAM the functions for which you use a
computer take up and then asking questions at a computer store about which
computers would work for you.

When choosing a computer one should consider your budget, its primary use and
research what hardware capacity is needed for this use. The RAM necessity for a
computer whose primary use is merely creating documents is significantly less
than one that is used for gaming, as well as the price, respectively. Internet
sources as well as in store personal can be viable resources for what hardware
meets your needs and assist in making the best decision possible.
WN: Evaluate Marshalls Nobel Laureate lecture using WIS exercise 6.4 on page 158.

Marshall condensed his script effectively into the power point slides by using
a hybrid style of structuring his presentation. In a similar way that the headings of a
review or paper work he integrated these two distinct style of functional and
topical, his slides would be topical while the information that was to be present
would be represented by a functional guide within the subject of the slide itself. The
information that is in the script was not used verbatim and he rather created it to be
a tool or resource for developing his ability to present the information in a way that
was fluid. The presentation for Marshall does not seem like it would be that hard for
him to present without the slide, he seemed to have a well-developed understanding
of the next slide before he changed to it which indicates his familiarity with his work
and the topic, practice. The best part about the presentation was that it was
engaging by the use of changing the context of the slides from declarative to
inquisitive. He also made it a point to tell a story by using anecdotes to pull the
audience in to the development of the method and the discovery as a whole. The
simple psychology of keeping a scientific tone with a light hearted humorous banter
was key, in making the presentation one that was enjoyable yet informative, while
doing it in such a way that the informative aspects of the presentation would
actually be absorbed due to the engaging nature of the design Marshall had created.

April 14
th
, 2014:

WN: What was in/effective about Marshalls Power Point slides? What strategies
would you like to borrow from his slides for your own presentation?

I found his organization and delivery extremely effective. I think that the way he
organized his material was done in a manor that was comprehensive
and east to follow, his progression of ideas was chronological and
insightful which allowed the audience to gain a more intimate
understanding of the development of his work. Paired with his very
charismatic jokes and light-hearted puns, he was able to engage the
audience in a way that kept them stimulated and intrigued because of
the personal connection that he had made between the development
of this research and his own life as they are synonymous. I would
like to borrow the strategy of organization by using functional topic
headings and attempt to include room for an engaging light-hearted
pun or two.

If you have a review article related to your chosen review topic, use it for this
exercise. Otherwise, complete this exercise using either Blasers
(234) or Rublees (313) review abstract My Own Review Article, then
work on your own abstract. (Exercise modified from WIS exercise 5.9)

1. What major topics does the abstract highlight?
Highlights: the articles intention (general psychologist), goal
(provide an overview of this new field; PNI), brain-immune cross-
talk, and the context this will be discussed in.
2. To what extent does this set of topics match the content and
structure of the review itself?
Uses nearly identical structures, at least towards the end of the
Abstract when it gives a more detailed outline of what it is going to
describe.
3. Is this an informative or indicative abstract (see 148 for a review of
these terms)?
This is an indicative abstract, it merely indicates what will be
learned, not what is relevant information to be learned.
4. Describe the content and structure you plan to use in your reviews
abstract.
I planned on using informative however this indicate strategy
seems to be a little bit more efficient in the context of the goal
of the project, since it a review and not a study, the abstract
should be a guide to the review not necessarily the information
of the review.

April 21
st
, 2014:

WN: Be sure to include your Reflection Chart in your Writers Notebook.

English 363 Reflection Chart

Peer
Comments
(summarize)
The SOP was noted as being
'good' one of the
highlighted issues was that
some sentences were a little
wordy or rather hard to
follow. When condensing
sentences down, some
information became
confusing/lost.
The peer comments for
my proposal were much
more grammatically
oriented. I had seen a
trend from the SoP that
my correctional abilities
need a little bit more
focus but the comments
on the proposal from
both the peer review
and the instructor seem
to indicate that now it is
my weakest area. I
think that overall I did
well to improve my
wordiness and lack of
succinct direct language
in the sentence
structure that I create,
so hearing that my
document has errors is
an improvement but
disappointing at the
same time due to the
simplicity of how I can
totaly avoid this..
The peer comments
that I received from my
Review article
indicated that the
document was too long
and went into a bit
more general detail
that was required. It
was noted that if my
audience was well
versed in the material
that there would not
be a need to explicitly
note a lot of details
that should be
understood. I
condensed and cut
unnecessary
explaination as much
as possible
Instructor
Comments
(summarize)
The reoccuring theme
expressed: need to use
effective sentence strategies
to tighten up sentences.
This includes: reducing,
prepositions, the use of
vigorous verbs. The Second
main issue expressed was
that there were some minor
inconsistent parallels
grammatically that needed
to be fixed/tuned out.
It was noted twice that
there was a word
choice error, slight
repetitiveness in some
sentences, vigorous
verbs. The main
problem that was
expressed was that
there were several
simple grammatical
errors that could have
easily been resolved
with a revision that was
more thorough. I need
to spend more time
focusing on
corrections/review then
I currently am.
The instructor noted
that the review was an
indication of my
improvement in
scientific writing.
However the
error/issue was that I
had far too much going
on still. With the
condensing of topical
details it still seemed
like I "bit off my than I
could chew" which
makes sense because
the topic that I choose
for the review is a
diffcult one.
Personal
Reflection
(based on
what you
wrote
above--
what do you
need to do
now?)
I need to focus more on
sentence structure, and
keep the goal of the
sentence itself in mind as a
priority over communicating
the point in a intricate
fashion. The more
comprehensible the
sentence is, the more
efficient. Using effect
sentence strategies will help
to filter out those issues
that I have in my writing
style. Keeping focused in
general for the goal of the
paper/assignment should
help direct the approach I
have towards
communicating my point,
and focus on the sentence
structure on an individual
levels should help control
these reoccuring issues. The
second thing that I need to
do to improve the quality of
my work is to do a more
thorough correction/review
of the final document to
attempt to fine-tune
grammatical errors,
fragments, parallelism
errors, etc.
Reflecting on the
comments from the
instructor and from my
peer reviewer, I think
that I have shown
improvement on the
main issue that I had in
the first assignment,
the SOP. In that
assignment I had a
noticably hard time
creating concise
sentences. In the
Proposal I accomplished
this task however, the
second issue that was
expressed in the first
article now became my
primary issue. The
primary issue now is the
grammatical problems
that I have
thoroughout. To fix this
I need to
review/edit/correct my
final documents, and
spend some time away
from the assignment so
that I can see it from a
fresh point of view.
I think that this
document is a good
example of my
improvement and a
demonstration in my
newly developed
understanding of how
to organize material in
a flow that makes the
material more
comprehensive
inherently. The issue
was that I had a topic
that was far to broad in
scope for me to fully be
able to describe in the
detail and structure
necessary to earn an A.
I need to focus on my
grammatical revising
and the density of my
papers.


April 28
th
, 2014:

No Writers Notebook-

L. Bruce
English 363 Portfolio Lesson 3 & 4 MARC

Background: This semester, weve
o Reviewed the objectives of our portfolios.
o Examined the portfolio possibilities of Weebly.com
o Discussed expectations for the portfolio cover letter.


Todays Objectives:
o Collaborate to select the best documents for our portfolios.
o Present the results of our review articles.


Instruction:
75 min Conduct portfolio group conferences in UH- 435.

75 min Students present their review article results.

May 5
th
, 2014:
No Writers Notebook-
L. Bruce
English 363 Portfolio Lesson 5 & 6 MARC

Background: Recently, weve
o Reviewed the objectives of our portfolios.
o Examined the portfolio possibilities of Weebly.com
o Discussed expectations for the portfolio cover letter.


Todays Objectives:
o Collaborate to revise our portfolio documents.
o Finish presenting the results of our review articles.
o Complete course surveys

Instruction:
65 min Finish remaining five presentations.

10 minute BREAK

10 min Complete course surveys
75 min Conduct peer reviews of one cover letter and one revised portfolio
document.