Being able to decode relational negative affect and

nonrelational positive affect, however, were uncorrelated with marital satisfaction.

The husbands ability to decode and attribute emotions correctly may
be especially important in predicting joint marital satisfaction. Gottman and
Porterfield (!"# found that husbands rather than wives ability to decode
affect was positively related to marital satisfaction. $imilarly, %ollers (!"&,
!!'# research demonstrated that the husbands ability to decode emotional
information was a particularly good predictor of martial satisfaction.
(n dissatisfying relationships, husbands were more li)ely to decode their
wives neutral e*pressions as conveying negative emotions. +or instance,
unless his wifes vocal tone is pleasant, a husband in a dissatisfying relationship
may decode her emotion as negative. The husbands ability to discriminate
between negative affect that stems from relational versus e*ternal
causes is also particularly important. ,s -oerner and +it.patric) ('&&'#
argued/
0ives negative affect, if not attributed correctly to factors e*ternal to the relationship,
is li)ely to be interpreted by husbands as negative affect about the
relationship or themselves. 1learly, such interpretations would lead husbands
to be less satisfied because they would interpret the negative affect as
an indication that either they themselves or the relationship is unfulfilling for
the partner. Being able to attribute such negative affect correctly, however,
allows them to regard their role in their relationship more realistically, as
more positive and as more satisfying. (p. 2"#
Thus, husbands who decode emotional information accurately and also attribute
emotion to the correct causes appear to be instrumental in creating
a communicative atmosphere that is conducive to relational satisfaction.
+or both men and women, being able to decode negative affect may be a
stepping stone toward providing effective emotional support for a distressed
partner. Burleson ('&&3# defined emotional support as 4specific
lines of communicative behavior enacted by one party with the intent of
helping another cope effectively with emotional distress5 (p. 667#. +urthermore,
Burleson contended that being able to provide sensitive emotional
support is a 4relationally significant5 behavior (p. 666#. $uch behavior helps
people develop, maintain, and repair close relationships. (n fact, scholars
have cast emotional supportiveness as a )ey relational maintenance behavior
(8aas, '&&'9 8aas : $tafford, !!"9 ;essman, 1anary, : 8ause, '&&&#.
People who are s)illed in providing emotional support are also more popular,
li)able, and socially attractive than people who do not possess such
s)ill (see Burleson, '&&3, for a review#.
,lthough verbal communication plays a critical role in determining the
<uality of emotional support (Burleson, '&&39 Burleson : Goldsmith, !!"#,
128
nonverbal communication is e<ually as important. Burleson ('&&3# noted
that 4nonverbal support precedes verbal forms both phylogentically and
ontogenetically9 one has only to loo) at mammal mothers interacting with
their infants to be convinced of this5 (p. 663#. (ndeed, people with emotional
support s)ills have li)ely been regarded as valuable members of groups
and communities across the millennia.
=f all the nonverbal cues, touch appears to be the most important channel
for e*pressing comfort and emotional support. (n a study by >olin and
Booth?Butterfield (!!3#, students were as)ed to describe the various ways
they would comfort a roommate who was going through a romantic relationship
brea)up. The vast majority of students reported that they would
engage in some form of tactile contact. %early 2'@ of respondents wrote
that they would give the roommate a hug, while nearly 2@ wrote that they
would move physically closer to the roommate by leaning closer or sitting
down ne*t to her or him. Patting the roommates arm or shoulder was reported
by around '7@ of the students. Aess commonly reported types of
comforting touch included stro)ing the roommates hair or letting the
roommate put her or his head on their shoulders. , study on general patterns
of tactile behavior by Bones and Carbrough (!"6#, which involved
having people )eep logs of the types of touch they encountered during everyday
interactions, produced complementary results. The most common
types of touches used to comfort others involved patting or touching someones
arm, shoulder, or hand. 8ugs tended to be used when comforting people
who were e*tremely distressed. Thus, in distressful situations such as
comforting someone who is undergoing a relationship brea)up, hugs may
be more li)ely than in situations where a person is e*periencing milder
forms of distress.
$everal other nonverbal cues are related to comforting. (n >olin and
Booth?Butterfields (!!3# study, nearly 3!@ of respondents reported that
they would use facial e*pressions, such as loo)ing empathetic, sad, or concerned,
to show emotional support. , similar number of respondents (37.7@#
wrote that they would increase attentiveness by engaging in behaviors such
as listening carefully and nodding as the person tal)ed about the distressing
event. $ome students ('3.7@# also mentioned that they would use increased
eye contact, especially when the distressed roommate was tal)ing. =ther less
commonly reported nonverbal behaviors included crying with the roommate,
lending the roommate a shoulder to cry on, and using warm vocal
tones. (n an e*perimental study, Bones and Guerrero ('&&# verified that distressed
participants who received high levels of nonverbal immediacy
(operationali.ed in terms of behaviors such as close distancing, forward
lean, increased eye contact, attentiveness, and vocal warmth# rated the confederates
comforting behavior as more effective than did participants who
interacted with confederates who engaged in moderate or low levels of non?
129
verbal immediacy. ;oderate levels of nonverbal immediacy were also rated
as more effective than low levels of nonverbal immediacy.
Managing Emotional Expression
0hether one is e*pressing emotion or trying to comfort a distressed relational
partner, there are times when it is appropriate and effective to manage
(or regulate# emotional displays. (ndeed, scholars have defined emotional e*pression
in terms of both spontaneous and strategic communication (e.g.,
Planalp, !!!#. Desearchers have identified five specific ways that people
manage emotional e*pressions (E)man : +riesen, !769 $aarni, !"6, !!3#.
+irst, intensification, or ma*imi.ation, involves e*aggerating ones emotions.
The )ey here is that people actually are e*periencing the emotion they are
showing, but they are acting as if they feel the emotion more intensely than
they actually do (e.g., Tina is pleased that >avid bought her a nice birthday
present, but she acts even happier than she actually is#. $econd, de-intensification,
or minimi.ation, involves the opposite process. (n this case, a person
downplays the intensity of emotion. $o if >avid gets so angry that he
feels li)e slamming the door when retreating into the master bedroom, he
might curb his display of anger by closing the door purposely but not slamming
it. Because intensification and de?intensification involve modifying the
e*pression of an emotion that a person is actually feeling, children are
li)ely to master these two display rules first ($aarni, !!3#.
The other three display rules are more difficult to learn because they entail
communicating an emotion, or a lac) of emotion, that a person does not
actually feel. Simulation involves acting li)e one feels an emotion when one
actually feels nothing (e.g., Tina does not really care that >avids friend received
a big promotion, but she acts happy for him#. Inhibition involves the
opposite processFacting li)e one is indifferent or emotionless when one is
actually e*periencing emotion. +or instance, if >avid is flirting with someone
at a party, Tina might act li)e it doesnt bother her in order to save face
in front of her friends. +inally, masking or substitution occurs when a person
covers up a felt emotion with a completely different emotion (e.g., Tina
is upset that >avid wants to spend the wee)end with his friends, but she
smiles and tells him to have a good time#.
Desearch on display rules suggests that people manage emotions differently
depending on the stage of the relationship. >uring the early stages of
courtship, people may be more li)ely to perceive e*pressions of negative
emotion as inappropriate, and, therefore, to inhibit such e*pressions
(,une, ,une, : Buller, !!29 ,une, Buller, : ,une, !!G#. This is because
people are typically more concerned about ma)ing positive impressions in
early rather than later stages of relationships, leading them to put on a
happy face even when they are feeling down or angry (;etts : Bower,
130
!!2#. =nce the relationship is developed, relational partners may feel freer
to e*press negative emotion. (n line with this reasoning, in one of two studies
conducted by ,une et al. (!!G#, partners in early dating relationships
were shown to manage negative emotions more than partners in developed
relationships. (n a second study presented by ,une et al. (!!G#, a curvilinear
pattern was found for the effect of relationship stage on the management
of emotion9 partners reported managing negative emotions more
when they were in early or advanced stages of relationships rather than in
middle stages. Perhaps, then, couples learn to manage negative emotion
more as their relationship becomes stable. ,t the same time, however, people
tend to rate the e*pression of both positive and negative emotions as increasingly
appropriate as relationships develop (,une et al., !!G#. Ta)en
together, these results suggest that although partners in stable relationships
may feel freer than those in early dating relationships to e*press their
true emotions, they may also manage some negative emotions (perhaps as
a way of maintaining the relationship#. ,lternatively, research suggests that
negative emotions are e*perienced and e*pressed more often in the middle
stages of a relationship than in early or stable relationships (,une et al.,
!!2#, suggesting that there may be less need to manage negative emotional
e*pression in long?term relationships.
>eintensifying emotional e*pression may be beneficial within relationships
in some instances but not others. +eeney et al. (!!"# found that people
were more satisfied with their relationships when their partners controlled
their e*pressions of anger. 8owever, the opposite finding emerged
for sadnessFpeople reported more satisfaction when their partners e*pressed
rather than inhibited sad feelings. ,s noted earlier, although it is
not advisable to bottle up negative feelings all the time, learning to e*press
emotions such as anger through assertive rather than aggressive means
can be advantageous when trying to solve relational problems. Being able
to display negative, yet nonhostile emotions, such as sadness, in an effective
and appropriate manner may be instrumental in eliciting social support.
SUMMARY
Emotions are interwoven into the fabric of peoples relationships. (ndeed,
the e*perience and e*pression of emotion gives relationships color and te*ture.
Emotions arise in reaction to events that interrupt, impede, or enhance
ones goals. The e*perience of emotion includes affective valence,
physiological changes, and cognitive appraisal. The e*pression of emotion
is influenced by innate action tendencies as well as socially learned display
rules. , wide array of emotionsFranging from affectionate to sad or an*ious
131
to hostileFare e*pressed within interpersonal interaction. %onverbal behavior
provides the primary avenue for communicating emotion. People
typically e*press emotions using multiple nonverbal channels, with vocal,
facial, and bodily cues often playing predominant roles.
Desearch has also demonstrated that nonverbal s)ills in encoding, decoding,
and managing emotional e*pression may help people develop and
maintain their relationships. E*pressing positive affect is an important relational
maintenance behavior. ;oreover, being able to e*press negative
affect in assertive rather than aggressive or passive ways appears to be associated
with relational satisfaction. >ecoding s)ills are also critical to relational
functioning. Partners who decode one anothers neutral e*pressions
as negative have more interpersonal problems, partially because they tend
to reciprocate the partners supposed negative affect. Thus, it is crucial for
relational partners to decode positive and neutral emotions accurately. (t
may be e<ually important to attribute the causes of emotion properly. 1ouples
who accurately attribute positive affect to relational causes and negative
affect to e*ternal causes may be happier. People who are good decoders
also appear to be better at providing emotional support. +inally, being
able to manage ones emotional e*pressions so that communication is effective
and appropriate is a )ey nonverbal s)ill. +or instance, curbing anger
or simulating empathy may be beneficial in certain circumstances. $)ills
such as these may go a long way in helping people develop and maintain
close, satisfying relationships.