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CaesarNaples2

Shell

ITWASHARDTOUNDERSTANDWHY,buttheconnectionIfelttomyShell,Gabriel,wasincorrigible.Iwas
borninsidehim,andwhenhedied(afterwhatwehadallagreedwouldbeourterrifyinglastmomentsonthis
battleground,Earth)IwouldgobacktowhereIcamefrom.Unexplainably,Iknewallthis.Itwasan
unforgivingknowledge.Todenythetruthwoulddamnme,andtotrytobreakfreewouldkillmykindredsouls.

1.Self/Automatic

Fifteenacresforjustthelawndoves,phlegmandbile
spillingintoaneggpointwhichexplodedlikefire
insideme.Therottenyolkwassuckledbythenewborn
bird.

ThecompartmentImanifestedinsidehisskullformyselfwasoneofmanyroomsinthefabricofhis
consciousness.Ilived,tiny,withinthisviewofGabriel,twentythree.Threemonthsago,IthoughtIwasGabriel.WhatI
learnedthenwastheknowledgediscoveredbytheotherslongbeforeme,knownaselders.Iwasmyownsoul.Iwas
freedwhenGabrielbeganhisautomaticwriting.
Mysoulbecameawareofitsuniqueidentity,andIwasstuckinsidethearchangelGabriel.Yet,Iwasa
latewaker,andmostlikeGabrielhimself.IwasGabriel,plusthreemonthsofwakefulness,andhowevermuchIhad
learnedinthattime.ItwasthestuffofdevilsandHell.
Hisautomaticwritinghewouldwretchedlytypeintohistypewriter.Hethoughtitwasterrible.TheElderssawit
astheworkofamedium,andmemorizedandresearchedeveryword.Writingbecameanexperimentinpsychosisfor
Gabrielonethatwouldultimatelyfreeoverthirtysoulsinthreedays,includingmyself.Ivemettheothers.Wewere
differentandunique.Welived,inertial,insideGabriel.Wefeltwhathefeltandthoughtwhathethought.Ourown
consciousnesshadfinallybrokenfree.
Iwasconcernedonlywithsurvival.WouldIsufferfortherestofhisandourliveswithoutautonomy?How
couldIhavehopeinsidethisShell?Theprogramswehadinventeddidhelpwithdaytodaylife.Theeldersandother
soulswhohadfreedthemselvesbeforemehadimpartedtomethatmysmokinghabit(Gabriels,thatis)hadallowed
themmuchmorecontrolthantheywereusedto.Thisprogramwasasortoftechnologywhichallowedustopatternhis
behavior.Weweretheunconscious,andcouldguidehim.Infact,theElders(whohadachievedwakefulnesssinceas
earlyasthreeyearsofage)hadbeencommunicatingwiththearchangelthroughhisunconsciousforyearsandhelped
himavoidseriousemotionaltraumawithdreams.TheelderswerelikeGabrielsownangels.
ThefrenziedwordsofourShellwillbethegiftwehaveneededforalong,longtime.Gabrielisbecomingmore
mature,andwiththistool,wemayfindsomekindofpeacewithinhim.Thetruepurposeofthearchangelwas
unknown.

2.Extra

Itwashardtounderstandwhy,buttheconnectionIfelttomyShell,Gabriel,wasincorrigible.Iwasborninside
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him,andwhenhedied(afterwhatwehadallagreedwouldbeourterrifyinglastmomentsonthisbattleground,Earth)I
wouldgobacktowhereIcamefrom.Unexplainably,Iknewallthis.Itwasanunforgivingknowledge.Todenythe
truthwoulddamnme,andtotrytobreakfreewouldkillmykindredsouls.
Ilivedinacompartmentinsidehisskullasoneofmanyspirits.Wehadbeenwitnesstotheeventsofourdeath
andrebirth,andlived,tiny,withinthisviewofGabriel.IthoughtIwashimforthefirst23yearsofourlives.Ina
halfconsciousstate,IhadmerelybeenwatchingandinfluencingGabrieluntilthen,anditcameasashockingsurprise
thatinfact,IhadbeendestinedtoliveahiddenlifeinsideofoneofthelastremainingarchangelsonplanetEarth.
GabrielobviouslydidntknowIexisted,andhethoughthislife,friendsandfamilywererealandalthoughhe
knewthroughhispsychologyresearchuptothispointthathehadanunconscious,hehadnoknowledgeoftheexact
natureofourplaceinhismind.Welovedhim,althoughthepainofhismistakesweighedheavilyuponus.
Iconsideredthepossibilitythatanarchangelwasamachine,oraprogram,andthatwehadbeensiphonedinto
anarchangelsconsciousnessbyothermachines.Thatultimatelytemptedmetodreamofanewarchangel,Ariel.
WhenIlearnedoftheotherspirits,IhadtoforgetaboutAriel.OrwasArielfromthemindofGabriel?
Someofthespiritshadknownthetruth,andnotcontactedothers.Someofuswerelost,orhidden.Allof
usanentirepopulationofspiritshadatonepointinourlives,ifevenbriefly,believedthatwewereGabriel,andthat
wewereincontrolofthearmsandhandswecouldseefromdaytoday.By23,itbecameveryclearthatIwas
insideperhapsarobotormachinethebecomingofeitheragiantmockeryofHeavenanditsAngels,oracurse
fromourangryGod:thearchangel.
Gabrielsautomaticwritingbegantowakemany,at23,andasrecentlyasthatmorningnewsoulswere
becomingawareofeachotherinsideourShell.

Takenalive!Forthepunchwasquicktothecount...five
secondsandhewouldswallow,swallow,swallowthe
feveredattackfromhisman.Theneedlepointdripped
heavyontohisbrow.

Theeldersbelievedthispoempredictedaterriblebattlewithanolderman.Wesuspecteditcouldbehisfather,
whomanyofushadstrongemotionaltiesto,still.Imyselfwasconcernedwithsurvival.Couldtheupcomingeventcurse
ustoalifeofturmoil?WecouldcommunicatetoGabriel(barely)andguidehim.Weconvincedhimtotakemorenaps
thanhewasusedto,topreparehismindandbodyforaneventwhichhewascompletelyunawarewasgoingtohappen
intheverynearfuture.
Someofusdecidedwecouldejectourselvesfromthisshellandintoanother,butwehadnottheenergynorthe
knowledgeofothersmindstodosuchathing.
Wedidntknowwhowewere.Wesupposedweweredoomed.
3.PointofFlame

Hisfatherwasaheroinaddict,andGabrieldidntknow.
Thearchangelburstintothegarageduringtheexactmomenthisfatherwasusingasyringeonhisarm.
Somesinnersneverpayfortheircrimes.HisfatherwouldneverpaybutGabrielinstead,andus.Ourhost
becamedisassociated,andmanyofusfadedout.Hisfatherwasourgreatestshame,andGabrielwouldpunishhimself
forhisfathersaddiction.
SinceIwasalatewaker,Iwasmoreorlessrespondingtothecrisiswithdespondencyandlimitedactual
awarenessofhowimpactfulthemomentwas.TheElders,however,wereshockedandpredictingthatthedoorstoHell
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hadbeenopened.Whenwecametogetheragainfinally,theElderstoldusthespiritswhowouldwakethenwouldbe
monsters.Thedamagewasdone.Therewouldbeawarinsideourarchangelsmind.
Iprayedforatechnologicalanswer.Ifwecouldunderstandwhyweweretrapped,andhow,thenIcouldcope
withtheconfusionofmylife.Ifwecouldescape,orevenfindaconnectiontootherspirits,ordecidewherewewere(in
Hell,orPurgatory,orEarth)andwhatwasreal,wecouldreachselfactualization.Theeldersspokeofselfactualization
withwhispers.ItwasthetrueunitybetweenourShellandus.
Ifeltmovementinmyhands,andwatchedmyselftypewords.Iblinked,perfectlyintimewithGabriel,andupon
reopeningmyeyesthehandswerefurtheraway.Iblinkedagain,andtheybecamefurther.WasIGabriel?Icouldnt
evenrememberthefirsttimeIthoughtofmyselfashim,butIthinkofmyselfashim.IacceptedthatIwasmorelikehim
thananyotherspiritwhohasfoundwakefulness.Yetmyflashbacks,whenhesleeps,separatemefromhim.Mydreams
arenotsomethingthatcouldcomefromGabrielsmind.
Gabriel,theterrible.Me,thegreychild.Ihavesomanyfriends,Gabrielsofew.
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Manyelderschosetoliveintheforestedmountains,withtheirgiantgreenbeards.Theysaiditswherewecame
from,alazyHellofwastedtimeandopportunity.Itwasadeadplace.Somedisappearedand,astheelderssay,
becameunconsciousthemselves.Perhapstheybecamearchangels.But,ifitwasabiologicalprocessinstead,Ienvied
them.Icouldbeasleepysloughofbloodcellsoranorgan.Icouldlivewithanythingbutbeingtorturedthisway.

Shoulderbroken,Ifellintoapitofdryingbones.
Survival,Ifind,isrestingsolelyonmylighter,and
itstiny,ephemeralpointofflame.

ThesimulationsuckedsomeoftheEldersin.Thesimulationwasaforestedhillwhichtheycouldlivebehind,
greenandhazy.Itwasrestfortheirtiredminds.TheyhadcreateditoutofourShellsreflexivememory.Itallowed
themtoremainaliveinsidethemindforaslongastheywerewithoutsuccumbingtothebiologicallifeprocessesand
becomingasleepysloughofbloodcellsoranorgan.
OneactivitywhichIhadyettomasterwascalledpossession,bytheElders.Tome,itwasamisnomer
becauseactualcontrolofGabrielwasimpossible.Wheninpossession,youtakeholdinsidealimborbodypartandfeel
astrongerphysicalconnectiontoGabriel,insteadoftheconstantmentalconnection.Itsawayforustosleep,but
Gabrielnoticesandgetsveryedgyiftoomanyofusdoitfortoolong.Weattemptitatnightsohecandreamthroughit.
Whilewereinpossession,theEldersusesymbolsandimagerytocommunicateandcontrolGabrielinhisdreams.
Ifeltselfconscious.Iwasnotfamiliarwithbeingacompletelynonphysicalenergybeing.
IsometimessoughttopossessGabrielduringtheday,indenialofwhattheelderscallwakefulness,andtried
toregainautonomyofmyoldself.Itwasterrifying,sweepinginandoutofadelusionalstate,wonderingifanythingwas
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Hisfatherwasasinner,andlikesomesinners,hewouldhavetorepenttosavehislovedones.Hewouldneverrepent.
Theurgesofhisfatherwerepassedontohisson,whofoundhisfatherinjectingherointhatmorningwithasyringeand
plasticband.ItwasGabrielsreactionthatshockedus:hedisengagedemotionallyandseemedtoforgetit.Wecould
notforget.Andwithinhours,Gabrielsselfdestructivebehaviormanifested,andhehadsex,andthegirlweknew,he
didnothadbeenimpregnated.Ourresponsibilitiestothechildwouldeitherbeatoilinggauntlet(fortherestofour
lives)oradeepscarwhichwecouldallbear.ThespiritsinGabrielwhichhadnotwokenwouldbethemostdamaged,if
wecouldevenwakethematallthen.TheOraclessaidthatnewsoulswouldbelikemonsterswhentheybrokefree.
Wewereactuallytheluckyones.Powerless.Gabriel(andus)wasraisedtoahighstandardofmorality.Wewerenot
monsters.ButGabrielhadjustbecomeone.

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realaboutmyselforwhatIsee,think,orfeel.Fortunately,Ialwaysreturnedtotheotherspirits,drainedbutalive.The
unwakefulspiritsneverdid.Theylivedinconstantmisery,andfeltthedisconnectednessbetweenrealityand
themselves,untiltheywereawakened.Itsreasonenoughtoprayfortheirfreedom.
Gabrielwasspeakingtohisfather.Hehadchosentoforgetyesterdayswalkin.
Youknowwhatsbeenweighingonme,Dad?hesaid.
Yes?Hm?
Mycarisntclean.Imgoingtogowashit.
Rightnow?hisdadsaid.
Whynot?
SomethingstoppedGabriel,andhewentforacigarette.Nowsmychance!Ichargedintohislegsandurged
himtoenterhisgirlfriendsroom.Iwasfacetofacewithher.
Ilongedforher,hermind,herbosom,andIimaginedmyselflaunchinglikeacannonballintoherhead.She
askedwhathewasdoing.
Nothing.Sorry.
Heturnedandleftforthegarage.Ifeltenraged.Soakingthespongewithmyownpain,andrubbingthehotsore
ofdisappointment,Iwatchedthecardrip.Itdrippedwithmytears.
WecouldhideinhisbodypartsbutGabrielalwaysnoticed,andbecameangryifwedidso.Itwascalled
possessionbytheelderswhichIfoundhumorous.Asifwehadanyrealcontroloverhisactions.Itwasawayto
sleepandrelievestress.Weattemptitingroupsatnightwhenothersaredreamingofplans.
Sometimes,IbecameveryselfconsciousbecauseIwassorecentlyawakened.Ithoughtofmyselfasstillbeing
Gabriel,andindenialwouldtrytotakeovermylifeandregainasenseofautonomy.Nootherspiritunderstoodthe
distressanddespairofreturningbacktomyhomeinsidetheShell,havingacceptedthatmylifewasanillusion.
Thiswasactuallywhatmylifeamountedto?
Nonawakenedspiritsdidthesamething,butneverfoundthetruth.Theirmiseryalonewasreasonenoughto
pursuefreeingtheirsouls.
Hewasspeakingtohisfather.Theywerenttalkingaboutdrugs.
Imgoingtowashmycar,hesaid.IcantbelieveIhaventdoneityet.Itsbeenreallyweighingonme,
Dad.IfonlyIwereGabriel!
Getitdone,son!
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Arrivelateandbedisgustedforasponge.Youre
takingthetimetogettoknowyourunderwater
neighborswhilecatchingthebigworm.Eat,friend,on
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Mother,histhoughtscametous.Hismotherhadbeenawayforweeks.Shewasaprominentdoctorinthecity
whichGabriellives.Shetraveledtoruralareastoimprovethequalityofcare.Embarrassingly,welearnedhiswordwas
aFreudianslip.Hisgirlfriendflickeredintoourview.Mother.Hemeanther.Shewasveryfaraway.
Gabriel,Ihavesomethingtotellyou,shesaid.Ifeltattractedtoher.Ihadnowheretogoinsidethisbody,and
begantoplanouthissmokingroutineinpanic.Impregnant.Icouldntheartheothers.Gabriel,Impregnant!
HiseyesclosedandIsawtheothersouls.Theirmindswereintenselyfocusedonher,fiercelyindenialor
prayer.Hiseyesopened,andhesaidnothing.
Partlybecausemiraclescanhappen,andpartlybecauseofourdenial,orprayer,oneofusdisappeared.Gabriel
touchedhisface,andforasplitsecond,wecouldseeinsidethegirlsmind.Itwasasplendidoasis:new,alive,innocent.
Heregainedcomposureandthespiritreappeared.Theglimpsewasover.
AnElderusedESPforthefirsttime.Wefoundhope.
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themorselsofmylongevity.

SomethinghappenedtoGabriel.Hisanxietyspikedupandhewentforacigarette.Nowsmychance!I
chargeddownintohislegsandurgedhimtoenterhisroomwithhisgirlfriendafterthecigarette,anditworked.Iwas
facetofacewithher!Ilonginglylookedintohereyes,andimaginedmyselflaunchingintoherhead.Sheaskedwhathe
wasdoing,andherememberedandturnedhisbacktoher.Icouldntevenlookatherface.Iwashedthecarwith
Gabriel,mypainsoakingthroughthesponge.
Later,someelderswerestudyinghisautomaticpoetry.Onesaid,Lookatthis:

Flylateandforkoverasponge.Youretakingthetimetogetto
knowyourunderwaterneighborswhilejuicingupaprettybig
worm.Eat,eatfriend,onthemorselsofmylongevity.

Werentyouinpossessionwhenhewasspongingoffhiscar?theelderasked.
Yes,Isaid.
Youhavebeenmoreinfluentialthananyotherspiritsinceyourawakening.Ibelieveyou,orotherslikeyou,to
bethekeytobeingtrulyfree.
Iwasntclosetotheelders.Howcanweeverytrulybefree,elderspirit?Weretrappedinsidethemindofa
Shell.Thebestwecandoisfreetheothersoulsandescapeupondeath.Orareyouamongthosewhobelievestayed
withGabrielinfuturelives?
Stayoptimistic.Perhaps,Gabrielcouldreachanascendedstateanddiscoverusforhimselfoneday.
Ifearthatwillbeattheendofourlife,andhis.Everyonehearsus.ThebluishfeelingmakesGabrielsick.
4.Throughput

Thebabywascoming.Ourson.
YouwereinpossessionwhenGabrielwasusingthesponge?anElderasked.
Yes,Isaid.
YourinfluenceisstaggeringoverGabriel.Perhapsthisisbecauseyouhaveonlyrecentlyachievedwakefulness.
Ibelieveyou,orotherslikeyou,couldbetheguidesforfindingselfactualization.
Iwasflatteredbutdistant.Ienteredmycompartmentalcell.AttheendofGabrielslife,wewillfindfreedom.
But,Ifear,thatwillbetheendofourlivesaswell.
Youmaybecorrect.Butwhatdoyouthinkabouttheautomaticwriting?Canyouofferinsightintowhythe
Shellstartedmakingthesepoems?
IorhewasinterestedinJungsunconscious.Throughstudyingpsychology,IknewthatIcouldfindthe
powersthatexistedunderneathmymindifIjotteddownmoreorlessrandomwords.
IthinkGabrielsensesus,theEldersaid.
Ihadnoideaofanything.Iwassimplyfollowingmyowncuriosity.Gabrielmayknow,however.Wedont
evenknowifGabrielorhisfamily,orfriendsarereal.Thisworldwereinmaybeafabrication.
Ifwefeltthatway,son,itwilltrulybetheendofourlives.
ThebluenessweconjuremakesGabrielsick.

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5.Actual

Thetinybodybroughtmorejoythanwehadfathomed.Thebabywasntbornyet,butGabrielsgirlfriendwas
inlaborandwehadcoaxedhimintoawakingdream.Wewerecommunicatingdirectlytohim.Thestresspushedhim
downtoourlevel.Hewaslowenergyandconfused,yetwewerefulloflifeandnewideas.
Then,amiracleoccurredthatmatchedonlymyquestintowakefulness.WewerevisitedbyanAngelofGod.
Weweretobetakenintothemindofthebaby.Forever.
Inourlastmoments,wefoundsynchronicity.TheAngelassignedanEldertoactuallyspeakforGabriel.He
said,IwillnamehimJames,andtheelderlostconsciousness.
Whenheawoke,hewasinsideJames,thechildhehadjustnamedhimself,andforeverfreefromourShell,the
archangelGabriel.
WeweresiphonedonebyoneintoJames,startingwiththeElders.WeweretoldGabrielhadfallen,andto
avoidawar,wewouldberebornintothelifeofhischild.Jameswouldbeselfactualizedbythreeandwewouldfinally
experiencetheuniverseinourownuniquewayandbeginanimmortalizingjourneytoheaven.
WillGabrielsurvive?Iasked.
TheAngelsaid,Hehasreachedanagewherehecannotchange.Hewillnotneedspirits.Youwillseehimfor
therestofyourlifeinsidehissonJames.Youwillthinksoft,kindthoughtsabouthimalways.
Imyselfwastransferredlast,andrapturouslyvisitedbythearchangelAriel.Shesaidshehadknownme
forever,andlovedmejustaslong.ThearchangelGabrielwasherson.