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Seven Lessons from

Oscar Wildes

The Happy Prince

by Helena Long

2009

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Lesson One:

The outward, material so-called signs of success fine
clothes, fast cars, big homes, or, in the case of the Prince,
jewels and gold dont prove success, true success.

The mayor and the councillors in the story did not understand
this concept at all. As long as the Prince was handsome and
glittering with gold, they were proud and admired him
greatly. When all his finery was gone, then they were
scornful to the point of having him torn down and destroyed.
But we, and more importantly God, understand that he was
far more successful when he gave his treasures away than if
he had simply remained proudly on display, listening to all
the compliments people made about him.

This lesson is so incredibly appropriate in these economic
times! How many people looked like they had it made
living in the right neighbourhoods, driving the right cars,
wearing the latest designer fashions but when the financial
tsunami hit . . . ? While some people took the trouble during
the good times to lay foundations of charity, friendship, and
family, a foundation to carry them through not so good times,
I fear there are some who were so busy trying to impress the
neighbours and keep up with the Joneses, that now they
will struggle to find meaning in their lives.

When I was a young lawyer starting out in private practice, I
met a young couple I will never forget. They were both
working at good jobs and had no children. They needed wills
prepared. The wills were straightforward and simple, and the
total bill came to not much more than $100. Guess what?
They had to give me a postdated cheque to pay for those
wills they did not have a hundred dollars between paydays,
despite with both paycheques making six figures a year.
They had a very nice apartment, with the trendiest furniture
and knick-knacks, dressed well, and drove cool cars, but they
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couldnt come up with a hundred dollars for an important

one-time expense.

Appearances are often not what they seem to be. As Thomas
Edison once remarked, Your worth consists in what you are
and not in what you have. Please dont risk your own
financial future on trying to keep up with the Joneses for all
you know, they may be one payday away from bankruptcy.


Lesson Two:

Those drawn to you because you look or appear successful,
will abandon you if you lose the outer signs of success.

Once again the mayor and councillors in The Happy Prince
illustrate this concept for us. Admired by them when he is
gilded with gold leaf, the Prince is quickly compared to a
beggar once his outer appearance is no longer beautiful.
These people waste no time in having the Happy Prince tore
down and disposed of.

Fair-weather friends we called them, when I was growing
up. These are the people always ready to spend time with
you when things are going well. Do you have some prestige
in your community? Do you have the money in your pocket
or the room on your credit card to buy the drinks and the
coffee? If so, certain people will gravitate towards you. This
isnt to say that they arent people who can be a lot of fun
and great companions when things are going well.

But lose your money or your status, whether through your
own foolishness or the vagaries of the stock and job markets,
and those particular friends will suddenly be too busy to
spend time with you. Learn to recognize a real friend, one
who truly cares about what you think and how youre feeling.

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Lesson Three:

Even people who seem foolish and flighty can achieve great
things if given a purpose and a focus.

Ah, the swallow. Such a silly fellow imagine being a bird
and falling in love with a reed, of all things! The Swallow is
vain too remember how much he enjoys the sparrows
noticing him and commenting on such a distinguished
stranger. And hes always talking about himself and his
plans, everything he is going to see and do.

And yet . . . and yet, when the Prince begs him to help, the
Swallow does it. He feels sorry for the Prince, who looks so
sad. What harm can it do to run one errand for him? The
next night, the Prince convinces the Swallow to help him
again. By the third night and the third errand, the Swallow is
ready to give up his long-awaited trip to Egypt. Instead he
stays to befriend the Prince and help him in helping the poor.
The swallow only needed someone to give him a reason and
an opportunity to do something for others.

Once again, our lesson also relates to those outward signs of
success. You can stay focused on yourself and worry about
what the neighbours will say if they learn that you had to
return the hi-def TV because you couldnt keep up the
payments. Or you can listen to the pleas for help from
community organizations like the food bank, service clubs,
and sporting programs, and go and help other people.

Lesson 4:

Purpose trumps seasons.

The time had long since come for the Swallow to fly south, to
go to Egypt to join his swallow friends and companions. The
other swallows had all gone because it was the right time to
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go. But for our Swallow, it became more important to help

the Prince, no matter what time of year it was.

And the Prince when he was alive and in his palace he could
have done so much for the people of his city. When he
discovered the ugliness and the misery and the people who
were unhappy, he didnt hum and haw and decide it was too
late now, the opportunity had passed. Even as an immobile
statue, he found a way to contribute and help others.

Do you think its too late to visit that acquaintance who lost
his spouse two months ago? You meant to drop by with
some baking or a casserole in the days after the funeral but
life got in the way and somehow you just never got around to
it. Its not too late. Go now!

You may think its too late to volunteer to help organize the
Christmas hamper drive but charities always need willing
hands and hearts. You may think its too late to salvage the
relationship with the new neighbour the one that got off to
such a bad start because she complained about your dog
barking; its never too late for a smile and a good morning.

If you are called to serve humanity, it is always the right time
and that service might be something as simple as
remembering to sincerely smile at each and every store clerk
you deal with in a week, or as audacious as starting a whole
new charitable foundation in support of the cause nearest and
dearest to your heart.

Lesson Five:

Others cant help you if they dont know your needs.
(Sometimes, each in turn, we are the helper, and sometimes
we are the ones needing the help.)

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The Prince tells the Swallow about his life as a prince, about
being protected within the palace walls, about knowing
nothing about life outside the palace gates and not at all
knowing the needs his people had. Once he knew, he was
moved to tears and driven to give all he had left to give.

The vast majority of people, even rich people like the Prince,
and flighty people like the Swallow, are happy to help
someone if they know what help is needed. Ask, just ask.
Not asking for help when you need it deprives others of the
joy of giving.

So, if the children were especially noisy and quarrelsome
today, ask your partner to help with supper. Were you
delayed in traffic? Ask your colleague to help you prepare
the room for the presentation. Need money for university?
Ask about scholarships, write letters, ask. If you suspect you
may be in an abusive relationship, ask a friend, an elder, a
minister, a coach, for support and guidance.

Whether your problem is big or small, please dont pretend
everything is okay if its not.

Lesson 6:

God sees the good others miss.

You dont really need accolades from those around you; you
dont need to have your name in the newspaper, you dont
need to win an award. Those things are all nice, but what
you need is to know that God is pleased, and dont worry, he
will know about the time you stopped to help the little girl
who fell off her bike. He will know about the anonymous
donation to your local food bank. He will know about the
time your supper was late, because you were on the phone,
listening to your troubled friend.

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Lesson 7:

A pure heart endures forever.

Many, many people throughout many centuries and from all
over the world have written about the importance,
universality, and permanence of love. Most of them have
expressed this idea far better than I can, so I will leave you
with a few thoughts from different times and places.

Jesus Christ, 1
st
century: You shall love the Lord your God
with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your
mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second
is like it, You shall love your neighbour as yourself. On these
two commandments depend all . . . .

Rumi, 13
th
century: It is love and it is the lover that are
enduring for time without end.

William Shakespeare, 16
th
century: My love as deep; the
more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.

Nelson Rockefeller, early 20
th
century: Never forget that the
most powerful force on earth is love.

The Beatles, late 20
th
century: All you need is love, love is
all you need.

And finally, lets end with this advice from the author of The
Happy Prince himself, Oscar Wilde:

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless
garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of
loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to
life that nothing else can bring."
Helena Long, 2009