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As It Was In The Beginning:
The Significance of Infant Bonding in
the Development of Self and elationships
Somatic esonance and !mpathy
Self" Body and Bo#ndaries
$ive %o#r &ibido a Boost
'indf#lness(Based Somatic )sychotherapy
SOMATIC RESONANCE AND EMPATHY
!mpathy was a term #sed by *ein+ ,oh#t in the late -./s and early 0./s" as he began
to form his theories of Self )sychology. Altho#gh it too1 more than a decade to do
so" he event#ally bro1e away from the theories of classical psychoanalysis" largely
beca#se of his theories of empathy and mirroring as psychotherape#tic techni2#es. As
many other theorists had done in the past when they modified psychoanalysis 34#ng"
eich" ,lein" an1" etc.5" his theories were not at first accepted in the psychoanalytic
comm#nity.
!mpathy was seen as 6ta1ing care of6 the patient" coddling the patient" meeting the
patient/s demands" coll#ding with the patient and 6being soft6 on the patient. 7othing
co#ld be f#rther from the tr#th. B#t it ta1es a sophisticated #nderstanding of the term
to define it properly.
,oh#t first defined empathy as 6vicario#s introspection6 3that so#nds remar1ably
similar to somatic resonance5. &ater" he also defined it as a way of listening" a stance
of in2#iry" a mode of observation" which he considered to be ne#tral. 'any people
conf#sed ,oh#t/s empathic therape#tic milie# with the 6#nconditional positive
regard6 of 8arl ogers. *owever" ogers/ 6active listening 6 more resembled ,oh#t/s
mirroring.
What ,oh#t discovered was that psychoanalysis didn/t seem to help people who had
pre(oedipal tra#ma 3before 9 years of age5. Since the psychopathology of the second
half of the twentieth cent#ry is narcissistic personality disorder" not ne#rosis 3as in
:re#d/s time5" patients co#ld not ta1e in or respond to interpretation" confrontation"
e;planation" etc. *e fo#nd that when he co#ld #nderstand what the client was
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e;pressing and reflect that #nderstanding thro#gh the techni2#e of acc#rate
mirroring" they wo#ld feel seen" heard and #nderstood by him. This then" lead to their
ability to later accept o#tside information from the therapist.
!mpathy and mirroring by the parent is something an infant re2#ires d#ring the first
three years of life in order to develop a coherent sense of self. If we are not
#nderstood and are improperly mirrored 3perhaps by reflecting the needs of the
parent" rather than those of the infant" the child will develop what Winnicott called
the 6false self6. So empathy and mirroring are re2#ired to address these early
developmental deficiencies.
!mpathy is essential to the development of the h#man being. &ac1 of empathy
prod#ces a feeling in the child of not being h#man. I believe this inA#ry is what we
see in attachment disorder" and ca#ses later acts of violence and crime" which are so
prevalent in o#r society today.
&oss of the empathic s#rro#nd 3loss of any #nderstanding5 is the worst inA#ry and
ca#ses the most s#ffering in later life. This is so" beca#se the child loo1s into an
empty mirror. And emptiness 3loss of h#man contact5" to an infant is devastating. The
astrona#ts of Apollo ?9" chose to ret#rn to earth and ris1 b#rning #p in the !arth/s
atmosphere" rather than circle endlessly in empty space.
Being empathic as a therapist re2#ires clarity" bo#ndaries" mat#rity" tr#st" confidence
and compassion. It also re2#ires that the therapist have a well defined separate self"
since empathy is impossible thro#gh merger. So the belief that empathy re2#ires
merger is radically opposed to the tr#th.
The concepts of somatic resonance 3being in yo#r own body5" and co#nter
transference 31nowing the difference between what is yo#rs and what is the other/s5
are directly related to the therape#tic stance of empathy and the therape#tic s1ill of
mirroring.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
,oh#t" *. 3?B0?5. The Analysis of the Self. A Systematic Approach to the
)sychoanalytic Treatment of 7arcissistic )ersonality Disorders" 7ew %or1:
Int. Cniv. )ress.
ogers" 8arl" Dn Becoming A )erson" Boston" *o#ghton 'ifflin" ?B-?
Stern" Daniel" The Interpersonal Worlds Df The Infant" Basic Boo1s" ?B@E
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Winnicott" D.W. 3?BE@5. 8ollected )apers. Thro#gh )ediatrics to
)sycho(Analysis" &ondon: Tavistoc1 )#blicationsF 7ew %or1: Basic Boo1s"
?BE@F &ondon: *ogarth )ress and the Inst. of )sa" ?B0EF &ondon: Inst. of )sa and
,arnac Boo1s" ?BB>. Br#nner/ 'a+el" ?BB>
et#rn
Self, Body and Boundaries
'arAorie and" )h.D. with $erry :ewster" )h.D.
!ditor/s 7ote: 'arAorie and is one of the fo#nders and developers of Integrative
Body )sychotherapy or IB)" along with 4ac1 osenberg. 'arAorie and 4ac1/s boo1"
Body" Self" and So#l: S#staining Integration came o#t in ?B@E and contin#es to be a
primer for the field" especially in the areas of developmental process and wor1ing
with physical and emotional bo#ndaries. Their wor1 speciali+es in an e;periential
#nderstanding of how we can foster intimacy e;citement" and satisfaction thro#gh o#r
ability to 1eep good bo#ndaries while we contain and ta1e care of o#r internal
energies.
A lifelong passionate learner Dr. and has st#died dance therapy $estalt" therapy
obAect relations theory pre( and perinatal psychology and many other systems in order
to form#late her e;tremely practical and #sef#l wor1. She wor1s with children"
ad#lts" and co#ples" often applying her wor1 to developing more healthy
relationships.
'arAorie also is one of o#r female powerho#ses" doing trainings all over the world
while finding the time to write" dance" and sing bac1#p in roc1(and(roll band. A dear
friend and conference companion" I can always co#nt on some high advent#re and
great conversation when we get together. Tho#gh it/s hard to catch her sitting down"
she has the capacity to #nderstand in a flash and empathi+e with a matter(of(fact
clarity that leaves me honored to call her my friend and colleag#e.
$erry :ester is administrator of the )acific 7orth West Instit#te of Integrative Body
)sychotherapy on Ganco#ver Island. *e is a fac#lty member in the Department of
*#man Services at 'alaspina Cniversity 8ollege in British 8ol#mbia" AdA#nct
)rofossor of !d#cational )sychology at the Cniversity of 8algary" AIberta 8anada
and editor of the 4o#rnal of 8hild and %o#th 8are. Dr. :ewster has p#blished three
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boo1s and co#ntless articles on children and mental health iss#es.
INTRODCING IBP
Within the broad h#manistic tradition of mind(body approaches" Integrative Body
)sychotherapy 3IB)5 offers a #ni2#ely developmental perspective. In this conte;t" the
term 6developmental6 refers to the foc#s on relatedness to 8ore Self and other as the
primary goal of therapy" as well as the central 2#est in the h#man Ao#rney. Since the
search for connectedness is a lifelong p#rs#it" this perspective is clearly different
from the more traditional male traAectory in which bonding and separation are seen as
developmental goals or stages to grow o#t of.
:rom an IB) perspective" relating to Self and relating to others are act#ally two
aspects of the same developmental process. *ence" IB) therapists val#e the nat#ral
h#man state of interconnectedness e2#ally with the need for people to have their own
personal bo#ndaries" a separate sense of Self" and the e;perience of being the center
of their own initiatives. eferred to as 6elational A#tonomy"6 practitioners wor1
with their clients in moving toward the attainment of this m#t#al state of being from a
fo#ndation of body(awareness. When aliveness in the body is reawa1ened" the person
e;periences an intensified sense of self(a#thenticity that can be e;pressed thro#gh
their relationships with others" leading toward higher levels of personal f#lfillment
and intimacy.
A partic#larly effective way of practicing IB) is to consider awareness as the most
basic tool of change. Csing the breath as the primary catalytic agent" this approach
wor1s from body to mind" honoring the client/s own e;perience in each moment of
the therapy session. The process involves trac1ing 3following5 the client/s awareness
of connection" or lac1 of connection" to his or her own energetic flow of aliveness in
the body. While the wor1 has no stated goal beyond greater awareness" the general
intention is to increase the client/s ability to stay connected to increased flows of
energy and well(being in the body. In this process" the therapist simply tr#sts that
awareness of 6what is6 creates opport#nities for greater choice. 'eanwhile" the client
is learning to 1now and tr#st his or her own e;perience.
IBP BASIC ASSMPTIONS
Working With the Whole Person
Since IB) begins with the ass#mption that body" mind" and spirit are e;perientially
inseparable aspects of being" it follows that the therape#tic process m#st involve all
of these dimensions in a sim#ltaneo#s and integrated fashion. :or e;ample" we 1now
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that n#trition and e;ercise infl#ence emotional well(being as well as a person/s
physical condition. *ence" emotional and physical e;periences are both contained
within the body and accessed thro#gh the senses. The cognitive processes" #s#ally
associated with the mind" are those that attempt to organi+e the e;perience of the
senses" creating comple; personal patterns of conscio#s activity and meaning. At the
center of it all" lies the essence of Self" the h#man spirit.
Energy Containment and Self-Expansion
IB) foc#ses #pon the energetic" somatic" and emotional e;periences that form the raw
material from which the mind creates its images" tho#ghts" and beliefs. In this way" it
clearly sets itself apart from the more traditional 6tal16 therapies that emphasi+e
cognitive or intellect#al insight. Dn the other hand" it also stands apart from
approaches that promote energetic discharge and emotional catharsis as their
therape#tic goals. Within the IB) framewor1" all of these things(from the nerve(
tingling aliveness of the body to the startling creativity of the mind(can be e;plored
and e;perienced to the f#llest while remaining contained and gro#nded within an
e;panding individ#al sense of Self. Along with this sense of contained e;pansion
comes a broader range of possibilities from which the person has the freedom to
ma1e choices. In this way" the therape#tic process becomes a client(centered" step(
by(step process of integration thro#gh which the body" the emotions" and the intellect
become open and connected.
Body and Breath
The IB) therapist wor1s from an #nderstanding that the most direct access to the
emotions is thro#gh the body and the most direct pathway to the body is thro#gh the
breath. !nco#raged to breathe and to e;periment with vario#s breathing techni2#es"
clients are able to access and intensify the e;perience of the m#sc#lar and emotional
patterns that" lin1ed to partic#lar tho#ghts and beliefs" have become their
characteristic styles of relating to themselves and the world.
Transforming Patterns
Within the therape#tic relationship" clients are invited to e;plore those partic#lar
patterns" #s#ally formed very early in life" that contin#e to inhibit the fill e;perience
and e;pression of Self. Since s#ch patterns are often ac2#ired at the preverbal stage
of development" they cannot be accessed thro#gh cognitive or intellect#al insight.
:rom an IB) perspective" these patterns are created as a means of defending the
emerging Self from potentially inA#rio#s e;periences b#t remain held in the body
even tho#gh the original perceived dangers have long since passed. Being loc1ed in
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the body" they can be accessed only thro#gh the body. When" thro#gh therapy" s#ch
defensive patterns are interr#pted and released" it is common for clients to 6relive6
the original e;perience. This" then" creates an opport#nity for s#ch e;periences to be
ree;amined and reintegrated within a process of Self(directed change or
transformation.
The Primary Scenario
IB) therapists regard presenting problems as symptomatic of a circ#lar process that
constantly pl#nges bac1 into the cr#cible of early childhood e;perience(referred to as
the 6)rimary Scenario.6 )artic#lar attention is given to the client/s relationships with
parents" the relationship between the parents" and the relational 6themes6 that each
family member brings into the family constellation. The infl#ences of the )rimary
Scenario are embedded in an intergenerational history of primary relationships
established long before birth and e;perienced by the infant well before intellect#al
and verbal development occ#rs. 8onse2#ently" the e;periences and infl#ences of this
relational framewor1 become anchored in the body" detached from the conscio#s
reflective processes of mind. Witho#t insight or awareness the person is compelled to
repeat anachronistic responses or patterns. While vario#s therape#tic methods might
help to relieve some of the symptoms of the presenting problem" the #nderlying
iss#es can never be resolved in the c#rrent sit#ation. :or the pattern itself to be
addressed" the person m#st ret#rn to the conte;t of the )rimary Scenario and bring it
into the reality of the present. And this" by definition" is bo#nd to be a somatic or
body(centered e;perience.
S#ch therape#tic wor1 does not mean that the e;perience of the )rimary Scenario can
in some way be eliminated or e;ting#ished. It simply means that" thro#gh awareness"
obsolete responses can be abandoned and alternatives created. In the therape#tic
process" this is the e;amination of 6what is6 from which clients may create their own
options and ma1e appropriate choices.
The Energetic Self
It is important to differentiate the IB) definition of the Self from the more pop#lar
notion of 6self(concept6 as defined by cognitive and behavioral therapists. In IB)" the
Self is not an 6idea6 or a pattern of 1nown and predictable behaviors. At its core" it is
energetic(e;perienced as a sense of well(being" identity" and contin#ity that is felt in
the body. The degree to which this Self finds its a#thentic e;pression thro#gh the
person/s emotional" cognitive" and relational life is profo#ndly infl#enced by early
childhood e;perience when the Self is at its most fragile and v#lnerable. When the
emerging Self is n#rt#red and s#pported in its a#thentic e;pression" its energetic core
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radiates o#tward" not only within the individ#al b#t also beyond the s1in" forming a
dynamic" tho#gh bo#ndaried" energy field that defines the individ#al/s place in the
world. As an integral part of the cosmos" it is in constant motion" responding to its
inner nat#re and to the ever(shifting e;ternal environment.
Energy Blocks and Disease
When the emerging Self becomes inA#red and defenses are established" the flow of
Self(energy becomes bloc1ed(disconnected from bodily" emotional" and cognitive
awareness. This brea1down in the integrative processes of body and mind translates
into specific patterns of disease that might be e;perienced physically" mentally" or
emotionally. In IB)" these patterns are bro#ght directly into the here and now of the
therapy session. The therape#tic relationship creates a potentially powerf#l conte;t in
which the energy that radiates from the 8ore Self can be infl#enced. The tas1 is one
of realigning and reintegrating the intellect#al and emotional energy with the nat#ral
flow of energy as it is released and contained within the body. In this way the sense
of Self(e;pansion occ#rs in a complete and integrated manner ( a renewed
relationship with Self.
The Healing Relationship
Within the framewor1 of IB)" all inA#ries to the Self occ#r within relationships and
can be healed only within a relational conte;t. *ence" the 6here(and(now6 connection
between the practitioner and the client becomes the c#rrent reality for s#ch wor1.
!nergetically spea1ing" the therape#tic conte;t might be seen as a meeting of two
energy fields that define the Self(bo#ndaries of the therapist and the client. In
creating a climate of sensitivity" sec#rity" and tr#st" the therapist/s own energetic
sense of Self m#st be present" sec#re" available" and contained. The therapist m#st be
able to remain at the 6contact bo#ndary"6 constantly s#pporting the client in wor1ing
thro#gh a range of somatic" cognitive" and emotional releases. Any withdrawal"
#ncertainty" or discomfort comm#nicated to the client in this process co#ld easily
repeat the conditions of the original inA#ry and recreate the defensive reaction.
The ss!e of Sex!ality
Since IB) therapists wor1 directly with the aliveness of the body" the e;perience and
e;pression of se;#ality is an essential part of the therape#tic process. epressed
se;#al energyF along with all of its emotional" intellect#al. and moral associations is
part of o#r c#lt#ral heritage and is well rooted in most of o#r intergenerational
histories" or )rimary Scenarios. In wor1ing with bodily awareness" therefore" the
pelvic area becomes a critical point of foc#s" even if the client chooses not to wor1 on
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the more cognitive or verbal aspects of se;#al e;perience. Therapists who are not at
ease with their own se;#al energy can easily transmit their discomfort aro#nd this
iss#e. The reemerging Self of the client co#ld then be tragically reinA#red witho#t any
gest#re being apparent or any word being #ttered. The therape#tic tas1 is for the
client to open the flow of his or her se;#al energy and integrate its f#llness into an
e;panding sense of Self. This means that the therapist m#st be f#lly energetically
present within his or her own bo#ndaryF allowing and s#pporting the process.
Staying Contained in the "oment
At the most f#ndamental level" IB) wor1s with the body and in the here and now.
:rom this perspective" enlightenment is a ne#rophysiological event(energetic"
immediate" and directly accessible thro#gh the senses. The 1ey to learning and
healing is to let the event occ#r while containing and Integrating the e;perience.
!nergetic discharge or emotional catharsis alone is not helpf#l or c#rative. Since little
of the e;perience is act#ally retained" any developmental effect cannot be s#stained
or integrated. elease with containment" on the other hand" allows the body to retain
this energy in the system" to e;pand" to ma1e choices.
BONDARIES
Within the conte;t of the therape#tic relationship. the goal of IB) is to establish and
s#stain an awareness of" and connection to" the flow of energy 1nown as the 6Self 6(
defined as a sense of well(being" identity" and contin#ity e;perienced in the body.
IB) therapy contracts and e;pands the Self by establishing and wor1ing with its
energetic parameters or bo#ndaries.
When the Self energy flows freely" and with awareness" these parameters are
sensitive and fle;ible" constantly shifting in response to the needs of the a#thentic
Self and the changing conditions of the e;ternal world. In this sense" bo#ndaries are
both intrapsychic and interpersonal" ma1ing it possible to have a#tonomy as well as
relatedness" and" above all" choice. $ro#nded in both body and conscio#sness"
bo#ndaries allow the Self to become f#lly present and available to engage with others
and the world in a sensitive and responsible manner.
By freely e;panding and contracting their own energy field" people with effective
bo#ndaries can remain present" yet determine the degree to which the Self will
act#ally participate in any c#rrent sit#ation. Aro#nd s#ch people" it is possible for
others to sense this state of presence and containment within the energy field" tho#gh
it is most clearly seen in the eyes. When the eyes are open and clear" energy e;change
can occ#r with the environment and with others. B#t it is also apparent thro#gh
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behavior. )eople with a clear sense of their own bo#ndaries are able to claim their
own physical space" identify and embrace their own feelings" be spontaneo#s" say
their real 6yes/es6 and 6no/s"6 process information effortlessly" and ma1e decisions
appropriate to their own needs while remaining sensitive and responsive to the needs
of others.
)eople who fail to develop effective bo#ndaries cannot live in their bodies in the
here(and(now. Witho#t bo#ndaries" there is no sense of Self. And" if there is no Self"
there can be no relationship. This is parado;ical and can be conf#sing" since it is
often believed that a close or intimate relationship is a merger involving the loss of
one Self to the other. In reality" it is only by having bo#ndaries that one can establish
a relationship with another" a relationship in which both people can be #ni2#ely
themselves and be intimately related to each other witho#t loss of Self. Dneness"
merger" and symbiosis do not constit#te a relationship that involves two people.
Cnbo#ndaried associations often are considered to be close or intimate #nions when"
in fact" there is only one Self present" the other having given itself #p thro#gh fear of
abandonment.
This pattern of merging" as a reaction to abandonment an;iety" #s#ally begins in early
life when the availability of the parent(fig#re is a matter of s#rvival for the infant.
&ater" in the ad#lt" it manifests in clinging behaviors and a constant need to be close
to significant others. Since s#ch people contin#e to e;perience feelings of
abandonment" however" the inA#ries contin#e to occ#r and the need for Self(
protection contin#es to increase. Dn the other side of the coin" some infants
e;perience a profo#nd sense of invasion as they attempt to meet their early bonding
needs and this an;iety can be carried into ad#lt life. When defenses are s#bstit#ted
for bo#ndaries beca#se of invasion an;iety" a person deals with iss#es of closeness
and intimacy by creating a wall of distance and by c#tting off feelings of longing for
closeness.
Since most infant/parent relationships are fra#ght with either abandonment or
in#ndation inA#ries" these bo#ndary dist#rbances are fo#nd to some degree in
everyone. Gery often both can e;ist at the same time. :or e;ample" a parent who is
not energetically present and in contact with an infant may incorrectly assess the
infant/s distress signal and feed the child even if the child is not h#ngry. This creates
a classic do#ble bind. The infant/s defensive sol#tion to the inA#ry of sim#ltaneo#s
abandonment and in#ndation" psychological or physical" is to split off conscio#sness
from the body( often referred to as the 6mind(body split.6
In general" then" early childhood inA#ries of abandonment and invasion" contained
within the )rimary Scenario" prevent the development of healthy bo#ndaries. In their
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place" infants constr#ct defenses" designed to distance them from e;ternal threats and
from the pain of their own feelings. As the defensive layers rigidify thro#gh
repetitions of the initial inA#ry" they become chronic" str#ct#ral" and fi;ed in nat#re.
8#t off from the a#thentic e;perience of his or her own body and from the responses
of the e;ternal world" the child begins to identify with these defenses as the Self.
eferred to as the false Self69 the person contin#es to present this defensive pattern
to the world while the tr#e energetic Self recedes from awareness" perhaps for the
remainder of that person/s life. Sensitivity" responsivity" and adaptability are replaced
by a set of fi;ed repetitive attit#des and behaviors. Where bo#ndaries are always
fle;ible and centered in present e;perience" these defensive patterns are rigid and
rooted in the past. 8#r off from a#thentic feelings and resistant to e;ternal feedbac1"
the defensive or false Self is often presented as the very opposite: This is who I am"
what I thin1" and what I do" and nothing yo# say or do is ever going to change that.6
!stablishing bo#ndaries that are appropriate for each individ#al" while ta1ing into
acco#nt defensive processes and inA#ries to the developing Self" ma1es it possible for
the person to be available for the therape#tic relationship and for healing to ta1e
place. Within this relationship" the Self is seen as an e;perience that is more or less
fragmented 3split off and #nbo#nded5 or cohesive 3contained5 at any given moment.
!ach person is more or less connected to this energetic e;perience" depending #pon
the sit#ation" partic#lar defensive style 3past history of relationships5" degree of
presence" gro#ndedness in the body" and" first and foremost" body awareness.
Awareness" in and of itself" is c#rative" and provides choices.
In IB) therapy" contin#ed attention to ever(changing bo#ndary iss#es in both the
therapist and the client d#ring the therape#tic process promotes both awareness and
choice. The e;ploration and modeling of healthy bo#ndary styles is an integral part of
the therapist/client relationship and" in this" the significance of transference and
co#nter(transference iss#es cannot be overestimated. Simply stated" this means that
the practitioner m#st be aware of the client/s tendency to 6#se6 the therapist as an
obAect fig#re 3a parent" perhaps5 in resolving personal and interpersonal iss#es. Dn
the other hand" the practitioner m#st be s#fficiently aware of his or her own needs to
allow this" witho#t becoming entrenched in the fantasy.
THE DE!ELOPMENT O" SEL"
:rom an IB) perspective" the Self is both the prod#ct and the co(creator of
relationships. Its energetic core" or essence" resides in the body and can be
e;perienced directly only thro#gh body awareness. :rom s#ch awareness 36inside6 as
opposed to 6insight65 it becomes possible to tr#ly 61now6 the Self and establish deep
connection with others. In its f#llest form" this Self is more than physical" more than
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emotional" and more than cognitive. It is the s#m total of all o#r aspects" and more. It
e;ists at the core of o#r e;perience.
When we are conceived" the energy of the Self becomes embodied and" even before
we are born" tra#mas and inA#ries to the development of Self can occ#r. !vidence of
this is increasingly well(doc#mented thro#gh research in the field of pre( and
perinatal psychology.= :or many years we have #nderstood how the physiological
state of the mother is comm#nicated to the developing fet#s thro#gh chemical and
hormonal changes transmitted thro#gh the placenta and #mbilical cord. We also
1now that these physiological factors are profo#ndly infl#enced by shifts in the
mother/s psychological and emotional condition. 'ore recently" researchers have
been #sing the term 6cell#lar conscio#sness6E to describe a process thro#gh which
the fet#s actively see1s and stores a wide range of information significant for the
development of Self. St#dies demonstrating the ability of newborns to recogni+e
messages received in #tero have become commonplace.
The evidence now s#ggests that the #nborn child is in a state of constant
comm#nication" receiving messages from many different so#rces at many different
levels. The manner in which this information is processed and stored has led
researchers to concl#de that an organi+ed sense of Self act#ally begins its
development in #tero.- *ence" whatever is happening within and aro#nd the mother
might be comm#nicated to the #nborn child" and herein lies the potential for early
inA#ry or tra#ma.
)hysical health problems s#ch as poor n#trition" dr#gs" or illnesses present obvio#s
dangers. By the same to1en" however" abortion attempts" ambivalence abo#t the
pregnancy" death or divorce in the family" or diffic#lties in the parental relationship
also co#ld be inA#rio#s.
Developmentally spea1ing" these inA#ries or tra#mas to the emerging sense of Self
can occ#r as early as conception thro#gh the first three years of life. In response to
s#ch assa#lts" a layer of defense is b#ilt over the inA#ry and" over time" these defenses
are transformed into styles of relating designed to protect the developing Self from
f#rther inA#ry. In the helpless stages of intra#terine development and infancy"
defensive reactions are tr#ly s#rvival(oriented. The problem is that these defensive
styles are developed so early 3even before birth5 that the tr#e essential Self gets
deeply b#ried and is c#t off from awareness.
The critical point to remember is that this happens so early that it is a nonverbal"
preintellect#al event and" as s#ch" it can be recovered in no other way than thro#gh
the body. When eich stated that 6emembrances m#st be accompanied by
appropriate affect"6 he was ma1ing essentially the same point(that early tra#matic
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e;periences are held in the 6m#sc#lar armoring6 of the body and cannot be reached
by tal1ing alone.
CONTAINMENT
With its emphasis on 6containment"6 IB) ta1es a step beyond eich and most
cathartic body therapies. The goal is not to simply release the repressed tra#ma held
in the body b#t to connect to the energetic core of Self. Bo#ndaries are both the goal
and the vehicle for achieving this. Staying with a feeling" sensation" or emotion"
simply watching its nat#ral flow witho#t attempting to increase or decrease it"
enhances awareness and clarity. In this process" the holding patterns are released"
opening the body to e;pand and contain more aliveness" rather than to discharge
feelings and lose energy from the system.
The IB) energetic model of containment is m#ch li1e tantric yoga in which se;#al
energy is heightened thro#gh breathing and e;changed thro#gh genital and eye
contact. The goal in tantric yoga is to raise the level of energy to spirit#al
conscio#sness" not to discharge it thro#gh orgasm 3eAac#lation5. In IB)" the holding
patterns in the body are opened" not to release energy b#t to e;pand the container
3body5 so the system can tolerate more energy 3life force" Self5. eleases of holding
patterns in the body and breathing techni2#es serve to spread the energy and circ#late
it thro#gho#t the system rather than discharging it thro#gh emotional catharsis. The
more aliveness a person can contain in the body" the more a person can deepen and
s#pport the e;perience of Self.
CONTAINMENT !ERSS CATHARSIS
If the fle;ibility of bo#ndaries is s#bstit#ted for the rigidity of defenses" it becomes
possible for the inA#red Self to be both protected and revealed. In IB) this is done
witho#t confronting" attac1ing" removing" or otherwise ta1ing away defenses from
the client. Bo#ndaries are introd#ced in the very first session and over time 3often in
that first session5" they ta1e the place of defenses. Beginning with the physical
distance from the therapist" the client is invited to become aware of his or her
bo#ndaries as a felt sense in the body and to #se this awareness in ma1ing choices.
Dver time" the body and energy field e;pand" allowing the therapist to to#ch 2#ic1ly
the tr#e essence of a person in a noninvasive" safe" and s#pportive way.
When this e;perience is repeated over time within the conte;t of a therape#tic
relationship" deep early inA#ries are no longer feared. ather" they are faced and
relived with a connection to internal Self(s#pport. Defenses then open by choice"
having been replaced by bo#ndaries which protect the Self and care for it
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appropriately in the present circ#mstances.
8onversely" the cathartic model of body therapy wo#ld see the release of the
#nderlying repressed pain as the goal of therapy. 8onse2#ently" defenses are
confronted" either verbally or physically" to get at the feelings #nderneath. 'any
body therapists believe that it is necessary to directly release the chronically tense
holding patterns of the body by deep massage techni2#es. This may wor1 initially"
b#t beca#se it is being 6done to6 the client from the o#tside" the patterns #s#ally
ret#rn even stronger than before.
This seemingly powerf#l and effective cathartic model is o#tdated" since its invasive
techni2#es often repeat the inA#ry that ca#sed the defensive holding pattern in the first
place. There is initial relief when feelings are released" b#t when the holding pattern
in the body ret#rns" it is m#ch li1e scar tiss#e over a wo#nd. epeated discharges in
this manner act#ally strengthen m#sc#lar armoring and ma1e it tighter. !ven worse"
the core Self doesn/t seem to be reached" remaining b#ried and estranged from both
the client and the therapist. !nergy is discharged o#t of the system in a dramatic
catharsis" rather than contained within the system and transformed into Self(
e;perience.
BONDARIES #ITHIN THE THERAPETIC PROCESS
When clients first enter the room" the IB) therapist notices their body attit#des"
energetic presence" positions they ta1e in the room" and 2#ality of their contact with
the practitioner. $iven this information" the therapist will wor1 with the client/s
awareness of e;perience in the body" while bringing bo#ndary iss#es into
conscio#sness. The therapist may" for e;ample" wor1 with physical distance or
closeness" eye contact" tension or rela;ation in the body" breathing" and connection of
these e;periences to early relationship iss#es.
The IB) therapist often will help clients to set appropriate bo#ndaries thro#gh
e;perimentation and body awareness" th#s teaching them how to do this for
themselves. The practitioner also may convey parenting messages by setting his or
her own bo#ndaries" thereby providing a container for the therape#tic relationship.
The following is a transcript of bo#ndary wor1 cond#cted with a new client at the
beginning of a session. The therapist and the client are seated on c#shions on the
floor" facing each other.
Therapist: *ow do yo# feel abo#t wor1ing with meH
8lient: I feel nervo#s.
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T: What do yo# feel in yo#r body and where do yo# feel itH
8: 'y stomach is tight" my heart is beating. I/m not breathing and my hands are
swearing.
T: 7otice where yo#/re sitting in relation to me ( how does that feelH 38lient is
sitting abo#t three feet away.5
8: It feels D,.
T: Wo#ld yo# be willing to e;periment with moving a little f#rther awayH
38lient loo1s worried.5
T: What A#st happenedH
8: I felt reAected.
T: What did yo# feel in yo#r bodyH
8: I feel sad.
T: Where did yo# feel thatH
8: In my chest" throat and eyes ( li1e crying coming #p" b#t I stopped it.
T: So yo# are an;io#s if yo# are close and sad if yo# move away.
8: %es" I g#ess.
T: Wo#ld yo# try moving a few inches bac1 and see what happensH
8: D,. 38lient moves" loo1s at therapist" ta1es a breath.5.
T: I noticed yo# too1 a breath. What did yo# feel in yo#r body when yo#
movedH
8: I/m calmer.
T: Where do yo# feel thatH
8: 'y sho#lders and stomach are more rela;ed.
T: &oo1 at me ( what do yo# feel in yo#r bodyH
8: I can see yo# better.
T: So when yo# move A#st a little f#rther away" yo# are less tight and scared and
o#r contact is better.
8: %es. 3Breathes again.5
T: It seems li1e yo# have an idea that being close means that yo# feel
connected" b#t o#r connection is act#ally better when we are a little f#rther
away. Is that tr#eH
8: %es" it/s ama+ing ( I/m tingling in my chest and arms now.
T: %o#/re becoming more alive as yo# become more rela;ed. Wo#ld yo# be
willing to draw a circle aro#nd yo#rself on the floorH
8: 3Becomes tense again. Tentatively ta1es chal1 from therapist" and draws
circle very close to body.5
T: What happenedH What do yo# feel in yo#r bodyH
8: I got scared again. I didn/t want to do it.
T: What is the fearH
8: That yo# won/t be there.
T: If yo# have yo#r own space" yo#/re afraid yo#/ll be alone. %o#/re afraid I/ll
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abandon yo#.
8: I g#ess so.
T: Where do yo# feel thatH
8: Sadness again in my chest and throat ( my throat is tight.
T: Wo#ld yo# be willing to do another e;perimentH
8: D,.
T: !rase yo#r circle witho#t moving ( ma1e it a bigger circle.
8: D,. 3Draws a bigger circle" breathes.5
T: I noticed yo# too1 a breath.
8: %es" I rela;ed again.
T: When yo# have more space" yo# are more rela;ed.
8: %es.
T: 8an yo# see me and hear meH
8: 3&oo1s at therapist.5 %es.
T: If yo# have a bo#ndary and eno#gh breathing room for yo#rself" I won/t go
away. I won/t leave yo#.
8: 38ries.5
T: What/s happeningH
8: 7o one ever said that to me before.
T: So yo# co#ldn/t have a separate Self in yo#r family beca#se yo# wo#ld be
abandoned.
8: 38rying5 %es" that m#st have been tr#e.
T: What do yo# feel in yo#r bodyH
8: 'y chest and throat are more open. I can breathe and I can see yo# better.
T: 7ow I/m going to draw a circle aro#nd myself. 3Draws a circle at abo#t arm/s
length.5 This circle means that I will be here for yo#. I will not cross yo#r
bo#ndary witho#t as1ing permission.
8: 3Breathes again.5
T: What are yo# feelingH
8: $ratef#l.
T: Where do yo# feel thatH
8: In my heart ( I feel open and safe. I tr#st yo#.
T: So" when we both have bo#ndaries" we are closer and more tr#sting" and have
better contact.
In this partic#lar session" the therapist is wor1ing with breath and bo#ndaries to
promote physical" emotional" and cognitive awareness. The wor1 is ta1ing place in
the here and now" with one reference bac1 to the e;perience of the )rimary Scenario.
To assist the client in recogni+ing these patterns" most IB) therapists will e;plore this
history of early relationships within the first few sessions. Some therapists 1eep a
diagrammatic o#tline of each client/s )rimary Scenario" in the form of an
intergenerational chart" and have this available in each session.
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While IB) therapists might #se a variety of other techni2#es to intensify body(
awareness" wor1ing with bo#ndaries ens#res that the process remains non(invasive"
with the client always in charge. Breathing" stretching e;ercises" and self(release
techni2#es are often ta#ght and practiced within the sessions. Some practitioners may
#se light ac#press#re" b#t the g#iding principle is that any method that might be
perceived as something being 6done to6 the client is simply #nacceptable. 8onstant
attention to" and respect for" bo#ndaries ens#res that this principle is #pheld.
A GROP BONDARY E$ERCISE
The following is a gro#p e;ercise that allows people to e;perience and e;periment
with bo#ndaries as a felt sense in the body:
Sit on the floor across from another person. 7otice what the contact between yo#
feels li1e in yo#r body. 7ow ta1e a piece of chal1 3or yarn" string" or something
similar5 and draw a circle aro#nd yo#rself to represent yo#r bo#ndary. 7otice how
large or small yo#/ve drawn it. Does it feel li1e the right si+e in yo#r bodyH 'a1e a
bo#ndary statement to the other person" something li1e" 6This is my space. )lease
stay o#t of it #nless I invite yo# in.6 What happens in yo#r body as yo# say thisH
7otice that yo# now have a bo#ndary and the other person doesn/t. *ow does that
feelH 7ow have him or her draw a circle and ma1e a bo#ndary statement. What do
yo# feel in yo#r bodyH Is yo#r e;perience of the contact between yo# the same as
before the circles were drawn" or differentH Are yo#r bo#ndaries distant" to#ching" or
overlappingH Who decides what space each of yo# getsH :or most people" having a
bo#ndary not only ma1es them feel more sec#re" it act#ally enhances the contact. The
other person is e;perienced as a separate individ#al with whom one can connect
witho#t needing to f#se. %o# may feel" 6I 1now where I am and I 1now where yo#
are.6 :or some people" #s#ally those who have a fairly high level of abandonment
fear" ma1ing the circles is scaryF it brings #p the fear of being isolated. Dthers feel
sec#re when they have drawn two or three circles aro#nd themselves and delivered
their bo#ndary statements in a threatening tone: these are #s#ally people with a fear
of being eng#lfed by others. In any case" this simple e;ercise can be very revealing
and diagnostic.
SMMARY
At its essence" IB) is a body(foc#sed psychotherapy that wor1s developmentally with
the Self and relationships. The therape#tic relationship is the vehicle thro#gh which
the Self is bro#ght into the here(and(now" as well as the framewor1 in which healing
can ta1e place. In IB)" the core of Self is energetic" residing in the body" while the
broader concept of Self is holographic" incorporating body" mind" and spirit. Wor1ing
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with the energetic parameters" or bo#ndaries" of Self" practitioners s#pport their
clients in moving developmentally toward enhanced e;periences of relationship"
separateness" containment" gro#ndedness" presence" and awareness.
This form of therape#tic alliance is achieved thro#gh a bo#ndaried therapist(client
relationship that consistently generates a climate of tr#st and safety. This ma1es it
possible for both therapist and client to become f#lly present"6 having effective
energetic contact while remaining gro#nded in their bodies. These are also the
conditions in which the therapist can e;perience and e;press the a#thentic" empathic
#nderstanding that s#pports the wor1 and validates the client/s Self. Ta1en together"
these ingredients constit#te the therape#tic climate in which it becomes possible for
the client to open to his or her own e;perience" e;pand and elaborate the sense of
Self" establish effective Self(reg#latory mechanisms" create options" and ma1e life
enhancing choices in relationship with others. This is the state of 6elational
A#tonomy.6
?. osenberg" 4." '. and" and D. Asay. Body" Self and So#& S#staining Integration"
Atlanta: *#manics" ?B@E.
>. Beiser" A. 6)arado;ical Theory of 8hange6 in 4oen :agan and Irma &ee Shepherd"
eds. $estalt Therapy 7ow. 7ew %or1 *arper Boo1s" ?B0..
9. Winnicort" D. W. The 'at#ration )rocess and the :acilitating !nvironment" 7ew
%or1 International. Cniv. )ress" ?B-E.
=. 8hamberlain" D. B. 6*ow )re( and )erinaral )sychology 8an Transform
the World.6 )re( and )eri(natal )sychology 4o#rnal @:9" ?BB=.
E. Gerny"T. and 4. ,elly. The Secret &ife of the Cnborn 8hild. Toronto:
8ollins" ?B@?.
-. Stem" D. The Interpersonal World of the lnfant. 7ew %or1 Basic Boo1s
Inc." ?B@E.
0. eich" W. 8haracter Analysis. 7ew %or1 :arrar" Stra#ss I $iro#;" ?B-?.
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